#not entirely happy with it but I got tired of having it in my drafts

[bluemoonbabes]

VI. THE QUEEN

She is turned toward the Court of Olympus who watch on expectantly, such a small yet unfamiliar company that her nerves fray once more, leaving her to fight with the desperate urge to squirm.

Behind her, Zeus nods to Bryan, who shifts to take his place, reaching to remove the veil that lays around her hair. And as it is unclipped from its resting place, Zeus calls out;

"Today we welcome Persephone, Queen of the Underworld, Goddess of Spring and Grain among our ranks."

Original AU

[ Finola’s Trilogy: The Girl, The Warrior, The Queen ]

<< prev | next >>

[cherryswisherz]

wilshire

paige x azzi

warnings: kissing, cheating, heartbreak, cursing, semi happy ending, most of this is written as a flashback, long as shit for no reasonnnn

it's the 2024 wnba draft. azzi's my plus one. nika and aaliyah are getting drafted tonight and i'm trying to keep my cool. because tonight is about them, not about me, not about azzi, not about our summer of utter fucking confusion.

lights from cameras flash. i smile, i mog, i pose. reporters are shoving mics in my face asking stupid questions as i guide azzi off the red carpet with my hand in a respectful position on her back. we have to find the girls before the draft starts. azzi wants to meet them before so it's not awkward at the after party. i'm trying to tune everything out but 6 words take me back to june and i freeze in my tracks.

"what's going on between you two?"

-

met you on a saturday knew it was somethin' soon as you spoke it eye fucking across the table, don't think anybody noticed you asked me if I was coming to the city you from maybe we should kick it, i was interested that would be dumb, if i denied

"paige..." that was the only thing she'd said directly to me all night. the rest of the time she'd spoke to everyone, answering their questions about how she met ethan, what her major was, etc. 

i'd been staring at her as she did this. studying the way she spoke with her hands, the flutter of her lashes, the bounce of her curls. her voice was so sweet and she always smiled when she wasn't talking so i could see her perfect fucking teeth. 

"where you from?" someone, i couldn't remember who, asked and she threw a glance my way, looking me dead in my eyes for a split second. 

i knew where she was from. we played against each other every year in high school. i was a year ahead of her. we never really paid attention to each other off the court, but i knew she was a killer player and an acl injury during her junior year took her out of the game for good

"uh- i'm from virginia. arlington county." she smiled as she cut her chicken. "me and paige played each other before i had to quit." she looked at me again, longer this time, and i damn near melted into the chair before she put her attention back on the conversation. 

"yeah she gave me a run for my money." i laughed, and that made her look at me again. she seemed confused, probably because i hadn't spoken this entire time. 

"my schools giving you a run for your money." she giggled and it was the most perfect sound i'd ever heard. "they say you're gonna be back when you guys play us next month. any truth to that?"

the competitive side of me took over when i answered her. "yeah i'll be back to tap dance on yalls ass in your own arena." 

"i guess we're in trouble then, huh?" she asked, her big brown eyes boring into mine.

you and i make sense, you stayed back at my telly we was chattin' 'til morning, vibration was heavy i wasn't drowning or yawning that's when i told you my feelings you told me you felt the same but you got homie you dealin' with damn, i didn't know, that's a bit unexpected but i get it, it's whatever, least i can do is respect it

after that dinner, azzi and i hadn't stopped texting and facetiming. it felt wrong because she was my friends girl, but i couldn't leave her alone. i wanted to be near her even if i couldn't see her in person until my team played hers. 

as predicted, we beat their ass and i made sure to remind azzi of that the whole ride back to her apartment. and when we got there, i took off my hoodie and plopped onto the couch. 

"so what we doing tonight? you wanna go out or stay in?" i asked her, praying she said stay in because i was dead tired. 

"definitely stay in." she said, sitting beside me on the couch. "lets put on a movie or something." 

and we did. we put a movie on. now did we watch the movie? no. 

we started talking, just yapping about any and everything. i was totally wrapped up in what she had to say, whether it was about school, or music, or anything really. i wasn't even tired anymore, she had my full attention. 

but then the conversation shifted to basketball and azzi's mood shifted with it. 

"sometimes i try and run 1v1 with ethan and for a second, i forget that my leg is fucked. for those 45 minutes i feel like everything is how i planned it to be." she looks at her knee poking out of her ripped jeans, then she rubs her scar. "and then i stand on it the wrong way and i remember that i'm not a player anymore. just a fan." the crack her voice forces me to grab her and pull her into me, letting her sob into my chest.

"az, you'll always be a baller. that shit's in your spirit ma." i almost wanna cry with her. "and even though you can't play anymore, you're one of the most beautiful people on the planet. and you're smart and you could do anything you wanted to do, basketball be damned."

a few minutes passed and she sniffled, looking up at me, and i got lost her red eyes and wet lashes. our faces were so close together, i could feel her breath on my nose. 

"i really like you azzi." 

fuck.  i shouldn't have said that.  she has a boyfriend.  her boyfriend is my fucking friend she's probably stra-

"i really like you too p." 

oh?

"but i'm with ethan. and he's good for me."

oh.

anyway, convince him to bring you to me so we can kick it right in front of his lenses, since nothing here is malicious you sat by me in that movie we went outside for them doobies we walkin' off when we talk man, that nigga not fucking stupid

"you should bring azzi to storrs with you." i suggested to ethan. "does she like horror movies?"

"uhhh yeah i think so..." he trailed off then scard the hsit out of m. "AZ! YOU WANNA COME WATCH A MOVIE WITH US?" i guess she asked who all was coming. "JUST ME AND PAIGE!" and then i guess she said yes. "okay paige, we'll be there in like 30." 

at the movies, in the five minutes i was waiting for them, i checked my hair 4 times, rearranged my jewelry twice and made sure my breath didn't smell like lunch. and when they got there i choked on my spit because azzi was wearing a sundress that hugged her in every right way. 

i honestly dont think there could be a wrong way. 

when she hugged me she whispered "i missed you." in my ear and dropped a light kiss on my neck that left me flushed. 

in the theater, i sat between her and ethan but we didn't really pay him any attention

"you look really good paige." azzi whispered to me. 

i looked down at my basic ass outfit (wifebeater and sweats), that i spiced up with jewelry and some fire shoes. "girl, this is lightweight." i whispered back.

"yeah well you look good in anything." 

"you look good too az," 

"you think so?" she's fishing.

"if your boyfriend wasn't next to me we wouldn't just be talking right now." i laughed, taking her bait. 

i got a laugh out of her and then she moved to hit me on the leg, but i caught her hand and tangled out fingers together, looking forward at the screen. she didn't move her hand. just set both of ours in my lap. and we stayed that way for like 15 minutes until she leaned into me and whispered again. 

"i hate horror movies, and he's snoring." she laughed pointing over me at her boyfriend who was knocked the fuck out. "can we leave?"

"yeah i got you." i thumped ethan on the head, causing him to jerk out of his sleep.  "yo. wake up, you're loud as hell. ya'll go home."

when we left the theater we walked out in silence but when we stared to say goodbye, azzi cleared her throat.

"actually, i wanna get something to eat really quick so, e, you can go home." she placed her hand on my shoulder, squeezing a little. "paige can you take me home after?"

my heart sped a little at the thought of being alone with her but i kept it P because her literal boyfriend was right next to me. 

"uh yeah if that cool with you?" i asked, not because i needed his permission, but because he's my friend and i wanted it. 

"yeah of course." he nodded then dapped me up "goodnight p."

"night." as soon as he was gone, i rubbed my hands together and looked down at azzi, catching those brown eyes in a way that made me think i never wanted to lose them. "so... where we boutta eat because im hungry as hell." 

"im not actually hungry, i just wanted to spend time with you." she said, putting her hands behind her back. "but you live here, so you pick."

"oh word?" i raised my eyebrows and put an arm around her shoulder, turning so we were side by side as we started walking towards my car. "imma take you to my spot."

"take me anywhere you like." she said, opening the passenger door, leaving me looking over the roof of my car, trying to keep it together until i got in the driver seat and began to queue a few songs. 

then i got a text. 

ethan: tell az to bring me a to-go plate

ethan. FUCK.

said you can't fully be into me 'cause you with him then why the fuck when we link it's like he doesn't exist? they all know that we're friends but we both aware that it's more everything i got, if you say the word, then it's yours

the party was loud as shit. i was drunk as shit. azzi was drunk as shit. ethan was nowhere to be found. 

"paige i have to peeeee." azzi whined into my ear. 

"okay come on." i shouted, guiding her to the bathroom, which was empty. 

while she was in the stall, i drank some water from the faucet, because i was so fucked up and i think that's why i haven't been able to stop thinking about her.

about how fucking hot she looked in her outfit. about how long her natural lashes were. about how soft her lips looked. about the heat radiating from her body as she danced with me. 

shes so fucking pretty.

"oh my god i feel so much better!" she shouted into the universe as she came out of the stall and started washing her hands. 

i think i just wanted to be close to her again because i moved behind her and hugged her from behind. with my head in her neck, i kissed her softly moaning quietly, "you smell so good, az." 

she turned around in my arms, facing me and i kept kissing her neck, moving to her collarbones, then i pulled away and we just stared at each other for a second. 

it was like a silent conversation, asking each other "are we really gonna do this?"

and i guess the answer was yes, because azzi leaned in and place a single peck on my lips, then pulled away with the speed of light. 

but one wasn't enough. so i leaned back in and enveloped her lips with mine. our mouths moved in perfect harmony, giving me everything i'd wanted since that dinner so long ago. she moaned into my mouth, and i picked her up, placing her on the sink behind her. 

we just kept kissing, caressing each others tongues, rolling our bodies into each others, both of us enjoying the way the other person felt. 

....until she pulled away, pushing me back when i chased her lips. 

"paige we can't." she said, trying to catch her breath. 

"azzi..."

"i have a boyfriend, paige." she sounded kind of sad as she said it. 

"i know az." i said, walking back up to her. "but tell me there's nothing here." i grabbed her hands. "tell me, that these past 3 months, you haven't felt what i feel."

"you know i do paige. i wouldn't have kissed you if i didn't." she looked at me with tears in her eyes. 

you told me when you're with me it's like heroin told me that your confidence went up since we befriended

"when im with you, i feel like i'm floating. like it's just us and that's all i'll ever need. you're-" she sniffled. "you're the only person who gets how much not being able to play fucking sucks. and you made me feel better about it. you make me feel like so much more than a fan, or just a person in the stands. and no one's ever made me feel that way."

and told me that you didn't wanna hurt him

"but ethan, p. ethan is my boyfriend. hes your friend. and he's so good to me. he loves me. and i can't do that to him."

why we doing this?

"so why kiss me then azzi?" i asked. "why the fuck would you let me touch you, or say the things we say, or let me buy you shit? why did you fucking kiss me?!" 

it was harsh, i know but she fucking played me and i was pissed. 

told me this a awkward situation and you just wanna be through with it

"i don't know paige. and i'm sorry." she kept crying. i assume she felt guilty, and i couldn't give less of a fuck. "this isn't easy for either of us. but i think we should just be friends. i don't wanna lose ethan, but i don't wanna lose you as a friend either. 

i snatched my hands out of hers and back away from her so fast, you would have though she had the plague. 

"friend? azzi. you were never 'a friend' to me. i liked you as soon as i saw you in that fucking restaurant. and i tried to be respectful. i tried to respect your relationship but you were the one who made me think you wanted me. you were the one lying to your fucking boyfriend to spend time with me. sneaking into the bathroom to facetime me at 11 at night. you were the one who kissed me. you. it was all fucking you. and now... now youre asking me to be friends? fuck outta here bro." i said, then walked out of the stall and out of the bar.

i know you could be it and everyone around me that care about me can see it i could fuck a trillion bitches every country i done been in men or women, it don't matter if i seen 'em, then i had 'em but with you, it's a feeling

i was still plastered, so i had nothing but time to think about the situation. 

i knew azzi and i could be great, if she just gave it- gave us- a chance. i knew she wanted to. i knew she felt what i was feeling. i'd have known even if she didn't say it. i also knew she didn't feel for ethan, what she felt for me. but she felt an obligation to him. why? i have no idea. but i just wish she would have made up her fucking mind before sticking her tongue down my throat. 

and i know what you're thinking. 

she just wanted to smash.

and that's not true. me and azzi aren't a quick fuck. 

i mean i'm not opposed to a quick fuck. it wasn't a secret that i was bit of a slut. i mean can you blame me? 

d1 athlete, making bank off NIL money. and every girl in every city i went to, wanted a piece of me. who was i to deny them? 

so yeah i guess you can say i got around, but none of that mattered when it came to azzi. she wasn't just a groupie looking for a quick fuck, or to be a basketball wife. she was a baller. if anything she wanted to live vicariously through me and compete again. and i was willing to let her do just that. 

azzi was the object of my affection for three fucking months. i knew everything about her. i fucking craved her. i knew it was wrong. i knew she was my friends girlfriend. but i couldn't quit her. 

my teammates could tell that i had feelings for her too. anytime i was on the phone for more than 10 minutes, they knew it was hr. they picked on my for it, calling me a simp. kk nicknamed me 'sidepiece' which was a nice change from 'community strap' but it stung worse. 

whatever. 

fuck her. 

you said you told him the truth and you never lied now he lookin' at you with them eyes we never crossed the line but he got every right to be a little pissed off he you picked up, y'all got in argument he got his shit off

two weeks after the bar incident, i'd somewhat gotten myself together. figured out how to sleep without her goodnight text. found new favorite spot to eat. slept with someone without seeing azzis face. i'd found a new routine. 

and then it all went to shit. 

"azzi? its 9:30 at night, why are you calling me?" she answered my question with a sob. "azzi baby what's wrong?

"paige... he- he knows.." she cried into the phone. 

"who knows what, az?"

"ethan!" more crying. "he-he-he asked me out no where if you and i had something going on."

"shit." 

"and i couldn't lie to him paige. i told him we never had sex, but-but i told him how i felt about you, and that i kissed you and he just went off." she was crying so hard, i could narely understand her. "he said he should have known not to trust me around you when i told him i was bi, and that you couldn't let him have one thing, and that he couldn't look at me and- and- and-" she started hyperventilating. 

"azzi baby i need you to calm down for me. breathe babe." i mimicked the way she should breathe and got her to calm down enough to listen to me. "azzi. i'm gonna come get you. send me your location and just stay there and stay calm."

"okay..."

i never drove so fast in my fucking life.

i picked you up, your energy off your lips really dry, something is off you asked if i gotta, i asked if you gotta we tripping on our words nobody is lying, hakuna matata we sat in the car and cried for an hour

as soon as i got to the starbucks azzi was at, i looked at her through the window and my heart broke for her. she was in pajamas and a bonnet. those beautiful brown eyes i'd grown so fond d were red and swollen, lashes wet with tears. her soft lips weren't soft anymore. they looked dehydrated, that's how much she'd cried. 

when she got in the car, she didn't say anything. just played with the sleeves of ethans hoodie. 

"do you-" "i'm so-"

we spoke at the same time, then waited for the other to say what they were gonna say. 

"i'm really sorry paige." she whimpered. "i never meant for any of this to happen. i never meant to hurt you or him. and i shouldn't have called you after what happened." she broke down again. "god i'm so fucking sorry." she cried with her head in her hands. 

"hey..." i rubbed her shoulder, "it's fine. you made a mistake and it's okay. "

"i'm so sorry." she just kept sobbing. she was too upset to hear anything i was saying. "i love you too much to have done that to you paige. im so sorry."

and time stopped. 

she WHAT?!

she said she loved me. she said-  no. she's hysterical right now she doesn't realize what she's saying.

ignoring the pit in my chest, i bring her closer to me, making us both lean over the center console. her head fell perfectly into my chest and she let everything she had out. 

as i held her, and felt her whole body shake as she cried, my heart shattered with hers and shed a few tears with her.

on god, i love that girl i'm a sh-, i'm a bad person like, i'm in the wrong, i'm a bad person i had no ill intentions, though shit, everybody got hurt i got hurt

i never meant for any of this to happen. i pride myself on being a good friend, and being loyal to those who are loyal to me. 

and the one time it really mattered, i had to fall for my friends girlfriend. and he really like her too. i think if i hadn't fucked it up, they could have been great. but i did. and it's ruined. 

and all this for what?

for ethan to be hurt? for me to lose a friend? for azzi to feel like shit? for me to have to act like i'm not hopelessly in love with azzi?

and i'm mad private with this side of my life cause people are weirdos, and i just try to keep anyone i care about in the shadows safe from the commentary and spotlight and thoughts cause it's just a story for the people outside of it but i guess you're just another chapter in a book

and here we are, at the 2024 wnba draft in support of my teammates. 3 days ago, i would have been here alone. 

but azzi needed a pick me up and i would rather her be her friend than nothing at all. 

so instead of breaking down about what could have been on a red carpet, i smile, lean into th mic and say, 

"azzi is one of my closes friends. she was supposed to be one of the greats and if she hadn't gotten hurt, she would have been drafted next year. so i just wanted her to see it in real life because she's so much more than a fan. she deserves to be here with us."

i looked at her and smiled, pulling her to the back rooms of the building where nika and aaliyah were getting ready. 

but between the two of us....

i would shoot someone in the face if it meant azzi would light up like that again.

niyah speaks: here we areeeeee s/o my tyler fans CHROMOKOPIA 10-28 !!!! i'm finna do yall requests over the weekend because i have nothing else to do so... be prepared!

taglist: @patscorner @riyahtheballer @mattslolita @thaatdigitaldiary @1onescu

@mrsengstler @kmoneymartini @sageworld @darkskinchristiandiorpostergirl @justliketoreadsowhat @authentic-girl03

[yonaioana]

Okay first of all! I loved that request where is God reader from ennead! So!

What IS relationship with Egypt Gods with reader? The God of festivals and happiness but real role is the God of freedom? So as I read that request it says that he DID have good relationship with them(I think) because he was in Egypt but not anymore? And they never talk anymore as he moved from Egypt where all god mostly where, why did he move away from them? Did he knew what will happend?

So my request is about male reader God of festivals and happyness/ God of freedom.

How would they react to seeing reader once more? But there is plot twist! The reader is not kinda happy about seeing them.( I love angst, dont mind me)

That all!

Heeey im back, im sorry I was gone all this time I moved, finished highschool and now im struggling to finish my first year of college but im back and im trying to get through my entire inbox and write for everything I missed, I will also update the masterlist with a few new fandoms. This is a short one i still had in my drafts. Kisses!!!

I guess that as the god of freedom and happiness ennead is not the best place to live. Since all the gods have to obey Ra and her kinda liking the suffering of everyone else cause she sees it as entertainment would not sit well with a god who's entire concept is boring to her.

I dont think that you would have beef with any of them other than Ra and maybe Osiris if you try to call out his bluff of being the victim and all that. You could have some trouble with Seth if you tried to opose him in his early years when he ruled Egipt but i dont think he is the kind to try and hurt other gods. Cause he tried to hurt Isis and Horus only because of some prophecy not because he really hated them. So my guess is that you either tried to vouch for someone who was in trouble or did something to upset Ra but she just pushed you aside and continued as if you were not there. Or you found out about some of the things Osiris did to Seth and you tried to tell everyone but because nobody really liked Seth they only listened to what Osiris said and called you a liar, ultimately pushing you aside. So you got sick and tired of them and left.

Anyway back to the present Horus and Anubis actually like you cause they're not as old as the other gods so either they were not born when you left or they were too young to remember. If we take the first route Ra will not be verry pleased to see you but if we take the second one Isis and Osiris are the ones in a sour mood.

Lets say that after you left you found yourself a village on the other side of Egipt where it was like a port so there was a big mix of cultures and instead of asserting dominance as a god you just lived among them helping out and being nice to everyone. Of course horus while searching for Seth could happen to accidentally find your little comunity and asks Isis about it wich leads to the others finding you and dragging you back to explain yourself and interogate you on the "where is seth" matter. While at first you were happy thinking they came to visit it was auickly shut down when chains apeared around your neck, wrists and ankles and you were being dragged away from your home and people back to ennead. If you knew about what happened to seth osiris will try to keep you quiet one way or another, gods forbid you helped him escape or helped him while he was on the run with resources and hiding from the others, in the I feel like horus will try to take you with him against his mom's dissaproval to help him heal seth emotionally with your powers

[megumimania]

UNGODLY HOUR

warnings: mentions of alcohol and drugs, fluff at the end (i lied!), rapper!ony x black reader, kinda angsty, reader and ony need therapy, mild swearing, unhealthy relationships, somewhat happy ending

a/n: im back after falling off the face of the earth xx this wasn’t supposed to be this sad, sorry x🤗 im clearing out the drafts

ony kept calling again and again, usually you’d ignore it like what you’ve been doing for the past month but tonight was different, so you finally picked up the phone. “hey.” you answered, your voice still groggy from sleep. “hey? it’s been a month y/n, where the fuck have you been!” he said with a slight slur to his words, he was drunk.

“first off, watch your tone when you talk to me and second of all, i’ve been busy.” you replied with a bite to your tone. now you regretted picking up the phone in the first place. prior to your month of no contact with ony, you were his rock. in an industry full of yes men and record labels who didn’t give a fuck about what he did as long as he dropped music on time, you were a breath of fresh air. you were his peace.

so when he’d have a rough day, or was high or drunk out of his mind, you were the first person he called. and you always came to his rescue, calming him down, helping him sober up, hiding him from the paparazzi—but it got all too much. the infrequent bad days became frequent, and his constant expectation for you to be there when he called, meant you lost out on opportunities and relationships, and you slowly began to build some resentment towards him, but that swiftly came down when you realised he was just hurting and lonely.

you were there for him through everything.

you tried to love him from a distance, help him from a distance but that became overwhelming too. you tried to get him help, but that often went nowhere. after a tense argument with him, you went ghost, needing space from him entirely. you still kept up with him on socials though, anonymously of course and it looked like he was doing well—until tonight.

“busy with what?” he asked. you let out a deep sigh before replying, “busy with my life, i have shit that exists outside of you, you know that right?” he went silent for a second before laughing. you were already tired of his bullshit and it hadn’t been five minutes since you picked up. “ony, why do you keep calling me?” you said, frustration evident in your tone. “i missed you ma.” he said his voice sounding hoarse, you felt your heart break for him all over again.

you were sure that you were gonna regret this decision later but you knew that you couldn’t let him be on his own right now, especially in such a vulnerable state. “im coming over.” you said, hanging up before he could get a word out.

—

the first thing ony did after you stepped into his apartment was pull you in for a hug. you pulled away giving him a once over and he looked like he’d seen better days. “you look a mess.” you frowned, pulling him into the kitchen to get a glass of water. “damn ma is that all you gotta say to me, after a whole ass month?” he looked at you in amazement. “just drink the damn water.” you muttered in annoyance.

“so are you gonna give me an explanation to why you ghosted me for a month?” you rolled your eyes in annoyance. “ony man…don’t fucking do this, im not in the mood.” you sighed, rubbing your temples. “do what? im just asking why you’ve suddenly remembered my existence after a month.” you let out a hollow laugh, “i needed space. ”

“space,from me?” ony scratched his beard, not knowing what to say, so you took it as an opportunity to let out all your frustrations at him. “yes, you. ony, you are the most insufferable, selfish person i’ve ever met. you took a deep breath before continuing, “all i’ve tried to do is help and yet you never take it into consideration, hell you don’t even take me into consideration.”

“I do—” he replied. you gave him a deadpan look, “you don’t, instead you end up on tmz or the shade room for doing stupid shit that makes me wonder if you actually care about your career.” ony’s jaw ticked upon hearing those words leave your mouth. he accepted that he wasn’t perfect by any means, but to come for the only thing that he put his blood, sweat and tears into was a slap in the face.

“so why did you come back?” he said quieter than intended, his eyes slightly glossy from the tears.“ i thought time apart would do us good. you needed to work on yourself and on your music, plus i just didn’t want you to rely on me like that again.” you tentatively step closer to him, caressing his cheek. “ony, i genuinely love and care about you but we can’t do this anymore.” you said, your voice wobbling slightly. “you need to sort your shit out and i can’t help you do that any more.”

the tears came out of nowhere and you gave up on trying to stop them. “I should go.” you said sniffling slightly as your eyes, “i don’t even know why i came here, i should’ve stayed at home.” you grabbed your keys and your phone and was halfway out the door, when ony called out for you. “y/n…i’ll go to therapy, anything! but i just can’t lose you!” he begged, the desperation evident in his voice.

“that’s nice.” you said, wiping your tears. you wanted to believe him so bad but you knew him like the back of your hand, this was one of his lies that he’d make you forget about in an array of large gestures and kisses until the next time he spiralled and flipped out on you. “ony, we both know how this is gonna end up.” you swore that you saw his spirit break at that moment, all the fight he had build up, slowly left as his shoulders sank in defeat.

you left his apartment shortly after, before his sweet words could coax you into thinking that things were gonna be alright, that he was gonna be alright. you expected to leave his apartment with some sense of relief but grief ate away at you, you missed him so much and you hadn’t even reached home yet. you mourned the relationship that you had with him, the relationship that could’ve been if he’d just sought out help that he needed.

you got home as the city began to roar up again and tried to move on, it was hard considering that memories of him were scattered all over your apartment, invoking a wide range of feelings from anger to immense sadness. you knew that moving on wasn’t simple especially when you had such a complex history with him. a life without ony, was a life that was going to take some adjustment to but you were to take it one day at a time.

[daily-pat]

Perhaps pat as a kid

(In Spongebob's voice) Imagination!

When I saw this ask, it really got me thinking. What kind of upbringing would someone have to lead them to join an army trying to overthrow the political-economic system of the entire world? While it probably isn't anything as serious in canon as I'm writing right now, I think it would be interesting if, growing up, Pat was often less fortunate than most. It is often those most affected who become the most radicalized. It wasn't a bad childhood, per se, but one mainly maintained by his own imagination and wits rather than the actual reality around him.

Unfortunately this is technically a day late, as my laptop decided to delete the initial file whilst I was finishing it up. That's okay, though!! Believe it or not, the outfit was actually pretty much inspired by an actual photo I saw! It just happened to have the exact same color scheme as his normal uniform.

Ough I could ramble so much more considering I'm in the middle of drafting a fanfiction right now that partially explores the parallels and contrasts between Pat and Tord (who, in my headcanon, had a much more privileged, but less happy upbringing), so I'm honestly bursting with ideas but I am tired, so goodnight and enjoy it as it is!

QOTD: Do you wear wigs?

No, I do not. (if you know you know)

[writingmeraki]

beware of the monsters in the dark !

a park sunghoon drabble !

genre : fluff! just fluffy fluff <3

pairing : sunghoon x gn!reader, established relationship! secret relationship!

warnings : none other than kissing and cussing. let me know if I missed anything though !

author's note : okay so first foremost, hi everyone, it's been AGESS I know i promise I'm alive, just busy with uni that started last week and it's has been tiring but hopefully when I'm adjusted to it morez I'll be able to get more time to write so don't worry I haven't left writing <3 this was a very random drabble idea I got one time when the lights went off at my place hehe, it has been sitting in my drafts for so long so I thought why not finally free it <3 honestly idk I might kinda love this but I hope I don't end up hating it 💀 this one is for you anonnie who requested anything Sunghoon :D I hope you like it and let me know what you think of this !

word count : 2.2k

based on this request !

Your heart felt full as you looked around the room full of your favorite people.

Best friend since you could basically speak, Kim Sunoo had a huge grin on his face. His happiness is visible in his entire form, his eyes forming crescents and hands over his mouth to stifle his giggles.

Three of your other close friends, Heeseung,Jake and Jay. One's you made during your insufferable chemistry class when you were paired up as partners with Jay yet instead of getting one friend, you ended up with three somehow as if coming in like a package.

Then came Niki and Jungwon, your juniors who were also a part of your dance club. They were like your younger brothers who irritated you and you'd basically adopted them.

After everyone, of course you left the best for last, because not only was he your favorite but he was very special to you as well.

Park Sunghoon.

Your boyfriend of around ten months now.

He sat beside you, laughing along at something Niki said, eyes averting from his to yours for a brief moment, making sure not to stare for too long or it'd become suspicious.

Your fingers brushed against his briefly, feeling a sense of want to just interwine your hands but you knew you couldn't.

Not yet at least.

You see,yes the both of you were dating but, it wasn't something that was public.

You were in a secret relationship and Sunghoon definitely played the role of being your best friend who you made when you got lost in the library.

Well technically, it did start out as that, you getting lost in the library and Sunghoon then finding you and guiding you. But let's just say after that day, you both departed with butterflies and something that would soon blossom into what it was now.

Choosing to keep it private was tough. Especially from your actual best friend, Sunoo but you chose to keep it because well it's better to keep these things private isn't it?

"You're zoning out again Y/N come on, you have to pick between truth or dare!"

Exclaimed Jungwon in an enthusiastic voice which made you snap out of your thoughts.

You cleared your throat before you answered,

"Uh…I'll pick dare?"

You immediately regretted your decision, like you mostly do with your life decisions, when you noticed the mischievous expression on Niki's face.

"Well well well we finally caught them now!" He told in a sort of evil like tone as if he was able to trap you in his antics.

Rolling your eyes at his words, you sighed and clicked your tongue,

"Give me the dare already." You said, almost in a tired voice because you knew he'd give something ridiculous.

"Okay so, I dare you to…" Before Niki could finish his sentence, suddenly everything went black.

Not because you fainted though.

But because the lights went off.

"Not again!"

"What the fuck-"

"JAKE THERE'S A CHILD-"

"I'm not a kid though !?"

You could tell who said what which made you snort, so as calmly as you could, you said

"Well it looks like the power went off."

"Oh really? How ever could we have noticed so?" Said the voice beside you in an overexaggerated tone which made you hit his arm.

Sunghoon groaned at your violent behaviour, rubbing his arm,

"Ow! For a tiny human, you definitely know how to hit!"

"Okay wait guys I'll go with Jay and we'll try to figure out why the power went off again,likely because of overload or something like last time." Heeseung spoke up as he turned on his phone flashlight.

The flashlight engulfed a small section which lit up Heeseung's face and for a moment, he looked like a horror movie character.

"Jumpscare!" Niki screamed loudly which made you chuckle again, Jungwon hitting him now because he seemed to have screamed right in his ear.

"Can you turn down your volume or something?! You'll literally burst my ears!"

Jungwon whined at Niki as Heeseung rolled his eyes, already tired of their antics.

Jay got up and moved beside Heeseung carefully, making sure not to trip over anything.

"So we'll be back in a few, hopefully the lights will work, Jake you're responsible for all of them!" Heeseung said as he turned around,pointing his flashlight down the hall, which honestly seemed creepier in the dark.

"We're not kids that need babysitters!" You said as you scoffed at what Heeseung said, which you did feel a little offended by.

"He's not wrong though." Jake coughed out as you glared at him through the dark.

It was dark once again, choosing not to turn on unnecessary flashlights which would then drain your batteries.

"Wait, we'll go look for candles so at least something would be visible, be right back!"

Sunoo and Jake got up and made their way towards the kitchen which was a little further away.

"Hoon you take care of them now!"

"Hey what did I say!-"

"Yeah okay." Sunghoon replied to which you directed your anger towards him, slightly pouting at him for not taking your side.

Sunoo and Niki seemed to be in their own world as they argued on and you could hear them in the dark but chose not to say anything.

"You know, I have an idea." Sunghoon moved closer to you, using the darkness as a benefit and now pulling you into his side.

He spoke in a light tone, making sure to whisper as to not alert the other two who seemed to be in their own world arguing about some show as far as you could remember listening to.

"How about you repay for your forgiveness by kissing me right now?" His low voice sent shivers down your spine as he whispered in your ears.

"Forgiveness? What did I do that I need your forgiveness huh?" You whispered back as you moved your hand up to feel where his face would be.

Poking around before he held your hand that was now holding his cheek, he said,

"Well you did kind of hit me pretty hard back there."

"Oh please, you deserved it." You giggled as you rubbed circles on his cheek with your thumb as you sat before him your legs folded beneath you.

His were sprawled wide open which gave you the space to move between then and closer to him.

One hand resting in his shoulder, you moved your head closer to his,

"But you're lucky I love you."

You pressed your lips against his soft ones and as if it were second nature, he responded without hesitation.

His hands moved to your waist and his thumbs rubbed on the hip bones, as you squeezed his shoulder and moved one hand across his hair.

"Guys, you still awake?" Came a voice across you.

You quickly pulled away in shock, completely forgetting you weren't alone and thanked fate that they weren't able to tell how you'd just have a makeout session with your supposed best friend.

Sunghoon cleared his throat, making sure you didn't accidentally fall before he answered.

"Uh yeah haha, we got tired, I mean I got kinda tired so I dozed off and well Y/N is uh…"

"Oh I was just resting my eyes too! The um dark atmosphere is making me feel sleepy?" You said questionably trying not to sound suspicious.

Lucky for you both, they couldn't see you so they didn't say more and actually got convinced by your stupid excuses.

Being a bit far from you, they also couldn't hear the deep breaths you took when you separated which would give away what you'd been doing.

Suddenly before you could say anything or anyone could say anything, the lights came on.

"Oh wow! That actually feels like hell-"

"Oh my Gosh!! Finally!"

You had to blink to adjust your eyes to the new evasion of the sudden brightness.

Before you could speak, you turned to Sunghoon to see him when you noticed something.

MY LIPSTICK! SHIT!

Even if in the dark, no one would be able to tell whether you kissed him or not, in the light, the proof was quite visible to anyone with great eyes.

The same shade of lipstick now smudged all over his lips as yours was too destroyed. His hair being disheveled being a bonus proof.

Unfortunately for you, you weren't the only ones there and before you could even point it out, someone else did it for you.

"Uh hyung were you trying to apply lipstick in the dark in your sleep or something-"

Niki spoke up innocently which made a confused Jungwon look at what Niki was observing as he was previously looking at the kitchen down the hall to see when Jake and Sunoo would be back now that there was no need for candles.

He blinked once and he blinked twice. His gaze averted to yours who was already looking away while gulping as he zoned in on your lips and once again looked back at his hyung.

Wait.

His eyes widened in realization and his jaw dropped quite literally.

"Niki that's not!" Interruptions were always the worst but they seemed even worse when you saw all four of the ones who had gone walk in at comically the same time.

"Finally we got the lights working again!"

"Yeah right that's because of me hyung who did all the hard work."

"We couldn't find the candles but now we don't even need them!"

"Obviously genius."

Jay rolled his eyes as he looked at Jungwon who seemed to be in a sort of comical expression of shock which made him snort.

He followed his gaze as he now looked at a slightly horrified Sunghoon who was looking at you.

You just blinked back at him, not sure what to say or do because obviously one person was already able to catch on to what was going on, or what had happened in the dark.

Now making that three as Niki who seemed to remain in oblivion until he saw the same shade on your lips.

And the cherry on top of this disastrous sundae was Jay figuring it out, Jay who couldn't for the love of all things beautiful, shut his mouth.

"Did you two fucking kiss?!"

"Language!" Heeseung said before anything and once he realized what Jay had said, he too looked at the both of you now.

Your head snapped towards Jay as you looked at him sheepishly.

Jake and Sunoo, who were once arguing, looked at the both of you and suddenly it felt like everything was already over.

"No! What-"

Sunghoon fake scoffed as he blew a raspberry.

"Uh…yes?"

You gulped as you fiddled with your hands, seeing no point in lying as you looked back at Sunghoon who'd spoken the opposite.

He sighed as he just nodded,

"Yeah we did."

There was a pause after his agreement before Jake loudly exclaimed,

"Alright give me my 100 bucks! Jay and Hee pay up!"

Groaning Jay spoke up,

"I am telling you I won't be giving you a penny because I never bet they were in a relationship or not, it was already obvious they were!'

"Hey now come on, sometimes we make decisions…" Heeseung smiled almost sheepishly.

"Gross the both of you were infront of us!!"

Niki said disgusted as he judged the both of you.

"Oh thank gosh I haven't had to see them kiss or else I'd actually pour bleach in my eyes." Jungwon sighed in relief as he too then agreed with Niki.

Sunghoon and you looked at each other, quite obviously confused as to why no one seemed to be mad about not telling them sooner.

Lucky for you, Sunoo seemed to have read your mind and replied,

"Oh don't worry, we aren't mad or anything if that's what you're worried about, it's your relationship, you can reveal it to us whenever but just saying you were both pretty obvious from the get go! And oh! These three had bet on it too!"

"I never was involved!" Jay exclaimed in between and then went back to arguing his way out of Jake's gaslighting.

"You all knew?" Sunghoon asked, still stunned at how…normal everyone was behaving.

"Please, getting them gifts and flowers, them wearing your clothes and even more gross coupley stuff wasn't obvious enough then call us stupid." Sunoo told him and he sighed,

"Oh these three are giving me a headache, I need something to drink, be right back and of course congratulations on your reveal!" He said happily as he turned around to head back to the kitchen.

You paused and looked back at Sunghoon who seemed to do the same.

"It was that easy huh?" He was stunned and the look on his face only made it more hilarious,so honestly you couldn't help it.

Bursting out in giggles, you felt relieved at how your relationship was revealed, wondering if you should have done it sooner or ever even hid it.

At your giggles, Sunghoon soon seemed to smile as he shook his head, hearing the argument going on in the room with Niki and Jungwon both now poking into the argument.

You didn't just feel your heart being full now, it felt like you had a weight lifted off your shoulders and looking back at Sunghoon, you were more than grateful for whatever that happened.

And wait.

It seemed that the shade of lipstick suited him more now, maybe you should properly apply it on his lips again, of course using your favourite method which was placing your lips on his, like always.

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri.do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

writingmeraki Ⓒ 2023

[murkystarlight]

I've always wondered how people made playlists for characters. Or an entire fandom. Or anything really(I'm horrible at it. Or maybe I just don't know enough songs)

But I did manage to think of songs the new order would sing at karaoke, or just singing skills. I don't actually have songs I think they would sing. But we do have what I wrote down for musical abilities! (This thing was in my drafts for months-)

Jesse

Good at singing. But not very good with rhythms(those darn quick time events don't help!! Arghah)

But like the few songs they've sung their entire lives?? Yeah. The rythm kind of got stuck in their brains. And can keep up to it.

Probably would sing something like... breakup songs, the most. But like, happy break up songs(like.. not happy. But you know.. the 'I broke up with you, but I dont care. You were crap anyways. I'm so out of your league' kind of breakup songs). Why? I thought it'd be funny. Okay? I don't know why-

Olivia

She's a good singer. But she doesn't really like singing in front of crowds. So like.. only with her close friends. But she has a really nice singing voice. Can't reach the really high notes, but manages most of them(even if they're not fully perfect)

I think she would sing more calmer songs.

I think she would know how to play the piano or violin (think she got a good musical ear)(I also thought of her having a dj board thing--)

Axel

He has a loud voice. He covers his weakness of singing with that loud voice. Can't hit a high note? Just scream! Scream the crap out of your throat. But his neck is fine. He screams often, and it takes more than just 'screaming to get a high note' to damage his throat. So he can hit the high notes... well, it does the job. He can get the high notes done. And speaking of high notes, he would sing Hatsune Miku a lot(I- don't know why😃)

If he was to play an instrument I'd say something like.. the drums?

Petra

She doesn't really sing. But she isn't horrible at it. Maybe with practice she'll be better? But when she does sing, she sticks to the easy ones. If there is a high note in the song, she'll just skip that part. Just- everything goes quiet all of a sudden. When the high note part ends, she starts singing again.

She sings anything as long as she knows the song(and likes it) and if it's not something too cheesy(either she doesn't like it, or she just has a big ego).

And for instruments(which.. I apparently also started writing down in this post), drums and guitar/base?

Lukas

I think. He would be able to hit high notes. Like.. really high ones. But the problem is, he can only do it in one song. Or the next day he won't be able to speak. He also has to take care of his throat before and after the song.

Think he would sing jazz for some reason. I have- no idea why. Or country. With a guitar maybe(I'm really just throwing things out there at this point). And maybe K-pop. Cause... I like that theory(also the reason why he can do high notes?)

Instruments; guitar. Maybe piano?

So, from here. I guess... dynamics?

After a while, Olivia, Axel and Lukas has to sit down and catch their breath(Olivia and Lukas mostly because they're tired, low energy. And Axel.. he can still go on. But he gets pulled down since he keeps trying to hit the high notes by screaming) So that leaves Petra having to deal with Jesse. Jesse wants to sing. While Petra... she's kind of tired of it by now.

Jesse likes singing duets(or more people) together. So everyone sings a duet with Jesse at least once if they go karaoke together.

Axel(most of the time) doesn't actually know the Japanese lyrics when he sings Miku. He just copies whatever he heard or sees on screen.

Lukas, actually knows the lyrics to the K-pop he sings. He reads books and stuff(yh. That's not a very good reason. Is it..). If he does like K-pop, he would've tried learning it. Other than that, I think he would know a lot of different languages. Even not fully. But know some words and phrases

Jesse and Axel would sing in the shower

Olivia once cheated during karaoke by messing around with the wiring. She got bored while waiting for her turn(the others only realized it after getting the perfect score three times in a row)

Annnnd I realized I didn't think of an instrument Jesse would know how to play. And I have thought of~ the flute. I was thinking of f!jesse. But imagine f!jesse and m!jesse being siblings and they both signed up to learn. F!jesse loves it amd m!jesse doesn't. But they've gone too far. He can't quit now

And that's all. Thank you 👐

[builtbybrokenbells]

Spitfire | iii

Jake still can’t seem to get the girl from the bar off his mind, even after his time in Baltimore was long forgotten to everyone else. He spends his free time getting to know her, realizing quickly that she’s everything he’s dreamed of. She makes fast at showing him that not everyone is interested in him solely for the fame, but he’s still puzzled at how she pushed him to the brink of falling in love with her in only a mere few weeks.

Read part two here

Read part four here

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader

Word count: 5.3k

Warnings: university exams/exam season (🤢), drinking, smoking (weed & cigarettes), long distance, annoying brotherly activities, fluff, mentions of provocative text messages, not really a whole lot w this one, but sorry if i missed any!

hi! here’s part three :) this is mostly a filler to advance to the main story, but i wanted to throw in some long distance fluffiness because i love hurting my own feelings! lots of dialogue to set the scene/relationship/emotion. as always, enjoy, and please be kind and ignore any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻🫶🏻 also disclaimer I am no longer a science student at university so some of the science-y stuff may not be perfectly accurate, no hate pls

~

An incoming call shook you from your focus, your eyes quickly darting down at your phone to see who it was from. You removed your glasses for a moment, rubbing your eyes to wake yourself up. When you put them back on, you noticed that Jake was the one causing the disturbance. A small smile crossed your lips as you picked your phone up, swiping across the screen to accept the video call. His face appeared after a few seconds, a beaming grin plastered on his cheeks. His hair was damp, likely from him showering after the concert he’d just had. A few hours earlier, he promised he’d call when he got back to the hotel, and it wasn’t like Jake to forget a promise.

“Hello, beautiful.” He said before you had a chance to greet him. You let out a small laugh, clicking the lamp on that was sitting on your computer desk. You placed your phone against the screen of your laptop, propping it up so you didn’t have to hold it.

“Hello, handsome.” You greeted back. “But, I am far from beautiful right about now.” You dismissed him, taking your hair down from its messy bun and putting it back up, neater this time. “I think this paper is going to kill me.” You truly meant it. You were in the midst of writing your final thesis paper for your undergraduate degree. After doing a research credit all year long, the paper proved the most difficult of the whole process.

“I think you’re going to ace it.” He said, taking a seat on the hotel bed. “What’s it on, anyway? You never actually told me.” He was right; you’d been working on it the entire time you’d known him, but never dived into the specifics with him, too afraid of talking his ear off about your year-long journey.

“Um,” you gave a small chuckle, pulling out your draft report. “The study of blood-glucose measurement based on blood resistivity.” You muttered the title before tossing the book of paper back down. His eyes widened a bit, trying to process what you were saying, but he covered it up quickly with a supportive nod.

“I love it when you talk science to me.” He sighed, a note of humour radiating from him. You let out a giggle, happy he’d called to ease the tension between you and your work. “But, you know, could you give me a refresher on what exactly that means?” He asked, leaning back against his headboard. You noticed he was shirtless, feeling a small flutter in your stomach at the sight.

“You mean to tell me you can’t tell me all about a diabetic study based off voltage and curve fitting?” You asked, an incredulous look in your eye. He laughed, giving a shrug.

“I’m a bit rusty.” You admired his features, how beautiful he looked when he was happy. You also noticed he looked tired himself, his eyes drooping slightly.

“I’ve been doing a research credit for my degree. I read a study about something similar way back in high school and it stuck with me, because my father’s side of the family struggles with diabetes. My dad and two of my brothers have Type 1. I decided to take a deeper look into it for my thesis.” You explained. He gave you his full attention, humming an agreement to assure you he was listening. “But basically what I’m doing is experimenting to see if we can measure a persons blood-sugar level in a non-invasive way. I studied pulses with electrodes and compared the voltage to different blood-sugar levels on a curve to see if it’s a suitable way to calculate it.”

“Did it work?” He asked, genuinely intrigued.

“Well, sort of.” You scratched your head, furrowing your eyebrows slightly, trying to find the best way to explain it. “There’s definitely a correlation, and I think if it was studied further, it could genuinely get somewhere. It would be pretty cool if it did. Blood-sugar level tests are extremely troublesome in general. They take time, they’re painful, and super expensive in the long run. I know my family spent thousands of dollars on Will and Sam when they were kids, and we had good insurance. It was really interesting to look at. I’m glad I picked it, but almost seven months of study is a lot to compile into one report.” You chuckled. “It’s required to be 40-60 pages long.”

“I think you’re a genius,” he said as a matter-of-fact “and I know that whatever you put down on that paper is going to be fantastic.” He assured you. You gave him a smile, appreciating his words.

“I can only be so much of a genius with a recycled idea,” you reminded, sitting up in your chair. “But I’m almost done the bulk of the work now, so I can forget about it soon enough.”

“When is it due?” He questioned.

“Friday.” You sighed, looking at your calendar. “Three days to go and I’m officially done.”

“See? That’s not so bad. I’ll read it when you’re finished and tell you how amazing it is. I probably won’t understand any of it, but I do know how to give you a compliment.” He flashed the smile that you’d been missing so much. And he was right, he sure did know how to compliment you. It was his favourite pastime, even when you looked as run down as you did in that moment.

“And I would be more than delighted to share it with you.” You watched him again, more interested in him than you’d ever been in your schoolwork. “Anyway, enough about me. How’d your show go, rockstar?”

“I don’t think I can ever get enough of you,” the cheesy line was accompanied by a goofier grin. You rolled your eyes, both of you knowing you weren’t really annoyed with him. “It was good. The crowds are always amazing. We played really well, but I am tired though.”

“Of course you are; it’s hard work to put on a good show.” You sympathized. You could tell how much he loved what he did, but he was always exhausted when he called you at night, which was a common occurrence. He’d been gone for almost two weeks, now, and if he absolutely could not call you during the day, he texted as much as he could. Communication was never ceased, in turn, never leaving you wondering if he meant everything he’d told you. It only took him the length of the plane ride to use your number after he left, claiming he didn’t stop thinking of you once while he was flying away from you. Now, the end of your semester was quickly approaching, which meant the end of your bachelor studies as well.

The day you’d so conveniently ran into him at the coffee shop had sparked a beautifully blossoming relationship. That evening, both went back to your house, where he’d met your roommates (well, officially, at least) and you all had dinner together. You’d given him the house tour he’d been so eager for, and eventually you went back to his hotel with him. Much to everyone’s disbelief, it was completely PG the whole night, aside from a few kisses. You’d met his brothers, spent some time with them and were lucky enough to get to know them, even if it wasn’t much past the surface level. You and Jake spent the night talking, listening to music and really getting past the superficialities.

Not once did he make an advance, proving to you even further that he meant what he’d told you. You shared a bed with him night, falling asleep wrapped in each others arms with no intent for sex or any other hidden implications. It was something you’d never experienced before. When you woke, you got breakfast together. You went with him to the airport to see him off, and he’d kissed you. That’s where the intimacy ended. Now, you had to see him through a phone screen or a camera, always aching to be held by him again. It was the most peace you’d ever known from another person.

You were still nervous, finding it hard to integrate another person into your daily routine in such a way, but the process was made so much easier because of the type of person he was. He was understanding of your timidity, always kind and gentle, he was quick with his words and they were always sweet, and he was gorgeous. Making Jake a part of your every day life had been easier than anything you’d ever done. Nothing was official; it was mostly just phone calls and texting, even if it was constant. A lot of it was innocent, asking about each others days, or mindless chatter that you would never bother to share with anyone else. No matter what you had to say, he always seemed to want to listen. Occasionally, the flirting would take over. He was usually very respectful, he didn’t like to initiate until he knew you were okay with it, but every now and then, he’d send a risky text or picture first. Nothing too graphic, just enough to let you know he was thinking about you. You’d never admit it, but they were some of your favourite texts to receive. Sometimes you would send one first, particularly when it was a bad time for him, just to be an asshole.

You were still processing the entire situation. You’d never been in a relationship or a ‘situationship’, as some say, without it starting with sex, or at least the intent of only having sex. It was nice, knowing him so well before he knew you so intimately. The emotional intimacy felt way nicer than any physical gratification you could imagine. You felt yourself really falling for Jake, despite being so evasive of the idea when you first met him. You truly felt like he was someone you could love, or he was someone who could love you like you’d always wanted.

“When is your ceremony?” He asked. Your eyes shot up to the screen, breaking out of your thoughts.

“Uh, what, sorry?” You cleared your throat, feeling a bit embarrassed for zoning out.

“Your graduation ceremony?” He asked again, not bothered by having to repeat himself.

“Oh,” you looked at your calendar again, eyes tracking the days. There was a big red circle with the word ‘freedom’ scribbled in it. You chuckled to yourself, remembering when Eve had written it. She was over the moon for you when you submitted your credits for review to graduate. She was taking her degree slow, likely to finish in five years rather than four. Knowing that you would still be there with her while she finished, or that she wouldn’t have to leave you behind when she moved away, made both of you relieved beyond measure. “The 24th.” You clarified.

“I have a show that day.” His voice was sad. You felt a bit of disappointment at his words, but you understood. Besides, you’d only known him for a couple weeks; you couldn’t expect him to drop everything to go to your graduation when he barely knew you.

“That’s okay.” You assured him. “I didn’t expect you to go anyway.” You realized how harsh your words sounded after they came out. A solemn look fell across his features. “No, Jake, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” You rushed out. “I just meant that we’ve only been talking for a few weeks. I would never expect you to drop your whole life to come and see my ceremony.”

“You say that like you’re not important to me.” He said, fidgeting with something behind the screen.

“I know I am, Jake.” You assured him. “And you’re important to me, too. I just know that life is busy. Especially for you, rockstar.” A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Maybe Eve will be generous enough to do a video call with me.” He suggested. You nodded, thinking that wasn’t a bad idea at all.

“I’ll have to ask her, but I’m sure she would. I think she likes you.” He let out a small laugh.

“Well that’s good, I guess.” His attention was disrupted by a knock on his door. “Hold on,” he mumbled, getting out of the bed. He continued holding the phone, not wanting to miss a moment of time talking to you. You heard his hotel door open, only being able to see his shoulder on the camera.

“Hello, brother.” You heard a voice say. You could recognize it as Josh’s. He’d joined your calls a fair few times over the last few weeks, just the same as Danny and Sam. You were slowly getting to know all of the boys, which was really making you feel like Jake was serious about this whole thing. “Care to partake?” You heard a laugh fall from Jake, warming your heart. You were certain that it had become your favourite sound in the whole world.

“Yeah, but she has to join, too.” Jake informed his brother.

“Oh, is that y/n?” Josh asked, his excitement growing. “Actually, I don’t think I even have to ask.”

“Hi, Josh!” Your voice echoed from the phone. You saw a struggle on the screen, hearing muffled bumps and noises, until eventually Josh’s smiling face popped into view.

“Hey, mama.” You could hear Jake arguing with his brother, trying to get his phone back. Josh seemed to be walking down the hallway, now, away from his twin. You couldn’t help but giggle at the interaction. “You wanna get drunk with us?” He asked. You eyed your laptop screen, internally debating if you should or not.

“You know, you guys are awfully bad influences.” You teased.

“Is that a yes?” You could see Jake approaching in the background of the camera, now. Josh raised his eyebrow at you in anticipation. He was still evading Jake, picking up his speed as he ran away from him.

“Josh, don’t pressure her into it.” Jake scolded. He sounded far away, you could barely make out what he was saying. You were having a hard time holding back your laughs, now. The whole situation was perfectly comedic and seemed to be exactly what you needed to feel better.

“Yeah, I’d love to, Josh.” You agreed. He let out a triumphant noise, halting his movement completely. Jake finally reached him, grabbing his phone back. You finally lost control of your laughter when you saw his grumpy expression appear in the frame. “Hi, honey.” You joked through bouts of giggles, wiping away a tear that had fallen.

“I’m glad you think he’s funny,” Jake tried to sound annoyed, but he was failing miserably, unable to stay upset while seeing you so happy. “Try being around him all of the time.”

“Oh come on, he’s not that bad.” You comforted, catching your breath.

“You have no idea.” He grumbled, making his way back to his hotel room. Josh appeared behind him, holding a liquor bottle in his hand. You stood yourself, throwing a hoodie on over your tank top. Jake watched you silently, admiring you. He thought you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, even when you were doing the most mundane tasks. You grabbed your cigarette pack from the desk and slipped it into the pocket. “Are you sure you want to stay on the phone? I can let you go, I know you have work to do.” The concern was dripping from his words.

“I’m okay, I want to talk to you guys. I wasn’t getting much work done, anyway. I think I just have to take a break, start fresh tomorrow.” You were lying, but only slightly. Your work was not going fantastic, but you were making progress. Still, you’d rather put the last bit of your report off until tomorrow if it meant you got to spend time with Jake, even if it was virtual.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” Jake said, a note of warning in his tone.

“She wants to hang out with us, Jake. Don’t convince her to change her mind.” You could practically hear Josh’s eye roll in his statement.

“What, I’m not- you know what? Get out.” Even as he said it, there was a smile on his face and a ghost of a laugh in his voice. You thought it was sweet, how close the two boys were. Twin thing aside, they really were best friends. They knew each other better than anyone else, and they were always functioning on the same wavelength. Even when they were mad at each other, they were never really mad.

Almost nightly you’d see an appearance from Josh in your FaceTimes with Jake. He’d instantly added you on his personal social media’s, wanting to know you just as bad as Jake did, but for a different reason. You remembered back to a few days after they left, how Josh had sent you a message telling you that ‘if Jake talked so highly about you, he had to know you, too’. The instant acceptance was heartwarming. The boys reminded you of your own brothers. You were excited for them all to meet, eventually. They’d talked on the phone a few times, but you couldn’t wait for them to all be together and really know each other.

Just as you were exiting your room, your phone began to vibrate again. A grin pulled at your lips. Your brother Sam was calling, too. “Hold on, guys.” You said, clicking the hold button on your current call and answering the video from your sibling. “Hello, spawn of Satan.” You greeted as soon as the call connected.

“I’m really starting to question if you love me or not.” He shot back. You chuckled.

“Oh, I do love you, brother dearest, but it’s because I have to.” You teased. “Hold on, I’m on the phone with Jake. I’m going to merge it.” You informed him. He gave a nod. You clicked into the other call, pressing the merge button. Within a moment, the screen was shared between Jake and Sam. It took Jake a moment to realize what happened, but when he did, his eyes lit up.

“It’s other Sam!” He said. Your brother cracked a smile, probably larger than any one he’d ever given you.

“What’s up, rockstar?” Sam asked. Josh peeked his head into view, not wanting to miss out on any of the conversation. “Twin rockstars!” Jake and Josh got a chuckle out of it. You’d instantly told Sam about Jake, calling him right after you got home from the airport. Sam, being a nosy little shit, did a deep dive of him on all social media’s. Within a few days, all of your brothers knew about him, and were begging you to let them meet him. So, you thought you’d ease the transition by allowing them on a few of your calls with him. Sam had taken to him immediately, especially upon learning he also had a brother named Sam. According to him, it was fate that you and Jake ended up together. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he wanted to date Jake, too.

“Glad I’m so easily forgettable.” You rolled your eyes, making your way down the hallway and into the kitchen. Ally was sitting at the table with a bowl of soup and her laptop in front of her. She looked like she’d been crying, staring down her final assignment with a look of disdain on her face. Exam season always put a damper on the household mood. You walked over and gave her a supportive shoulder pat, knowing you were close to the same mental state. Sam found himself chatting away with the other two boys, completely ignoring your comment, which only proved your point further. “M’going outside, if you wanna join.” You told her. She shook her head, barely being able to formulate words.

“I have to finish this.” She groaned, relaxing into her chair. “Due tomorrow.”

“Stuck?” You asked, peering down at her screen. She nodded. You gazed at the question that was left answerless, the last one on the page. “Is this Calc III?” She gave a nod. “Okay, where’s your work for it so far?” She pointed out a paragraph.

“I just can’t seem to get the numbers to work out.” She let out a long sigh, throwing her pencil down on the table. You looked over it for a minute, studying the numbers she was using.

“Okay, it’s a relation between a flux and a line integral, right?”

“Yeah, it is.” You turned the volume down on your phone a bit, not wanting to distract her while the boys talked.

“You remember the unit where you talked about the three main integral theorems?” She gave a hum, seeming to get what you’re saying. “One of those has an equation that will solve this question. And you’ll need to remember it for the exam, too, because there’s a couple questions about it.” You told her. She looked like she was wracking her brain for an answer, desperate to remember what you were talking about. After a moment, it seemed to click.

“Stoke’s theorem!” She exploded, catching the attention of all of the boys on the phone call. She noticed the lack of noise, a blush rising to her cheeks. You held up your hand for a high-five, helping her forget about her outburst. “Thank you.” She whispered.

“No problem,” you assured her “now, if you want to join, I will be outside getting fucked up. I am trying to forget about my thesis.” She let out a small laugh.

“How many pages?” She asked.

“I am on page 51, if you must know. Nearly there!” You cheered yourself on. “I should be able to finish it tomorrow.” You went to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of wine and a container of cut up fruit someone had bought at the grocery store.

“I believe in you.” She said, turning back to her laptop. “I might be out in a bit. I haven’t seen Eve all day. Not sure if she’s alive or not, so I’ll have to check on her first.” You saw Sam perk up at the mention of Eve’s name. He probably hadn’t heard from her, either. She was fully immersed in studying, more so than anyone else. She took her exams extremely serious. With a smaller course load, she wanted to ensure her marks were as best as they could be. You were proud of her for it. She worked really hard, but you did miss her presence during exam weeks.

“Saw her this morning drinking orange juice from the bottle, haven’t seen her since.” You informed her. The two of you shared a laugh. “She’s alive, just in hermit mode.”

You parted ways, opening the front door after putting on a pair of slippers. You moved over to the patio chairs placed around a table on the porch. It was a closed porch with large glass windows and another door leading to the street. You thought it was peaceful, finding it your favourite spot in the whole house. You sat down, resting your feet on the table. You pulled out a joint and a cigarette from the cardboard box in your pocket. “What did I miss?” You asked them, now focusing on your screen again.

“We were actually just talking about how much we hate you,” Sam said, a hint of fake sympathy accompanying his words.

“Mmhmm,” you mumbled, joint now between your lips and your lighter setting the tip ablaze. You took a large inhale, the cherry glowing red in the dim lighting. A billow of smoke flowed from your mouth as you exhaled. Almost instantly, you felt the tension melt off your shoulders. Josh seemed positively buzzed, his cheeks burning red and his smile never leaving. Sam looked as though he was ready for bed, eyes heavy and bloodshot. You were sure he’d been high for hours. Jake was sipping a drink silently, but his eyes never seemed to move from the camera.

“Alex and I are flying in Friday morning.” Sam said. Your eyes lit up, a course of adrenaline flowing through your veins.

“Really?” He gave a nod.

“Yeah, we decided to come early, spend some with with you before mom and dad got there. I think our flight leaves here at five.” He explained. “So you better have all of your shit done, because we want to party.” He warned.

“It will be, don’t worry.” You promised. “I think I’ll have my report done by tomorrow. I just have to type the conclusion and my entire novel of sources.” You chuckled to yourself, looking down at the joint between your fingers. “I’ll get Ally to proofread it; she said she would a few days ago. After that, I’m a free woman.” You announced, feeling proud of yourself for getting this far.

After that, the chatter died down. Sam eventually hung up, telling everyone he was tired and wanted to go to bed. You bid your goodbye, already feeling the anticipation begin for his arrival. You and the twins continued on with mindless conversation, sipping away at your drinks. When you cigarette pack was down to the last three, and the bottle of wine was threatening the end, Josh was ready to retire for the night, too. He was dozing off in Jake’s bed every so often, a small snore falling from his mouth periodically. You were caught up in Jake, not caring that the rest of the company had dwindled down. He was exhausted but still immersed in your conversations about nothing, and everything.

It wasn’t too long before Josh stumbled away to his own hotel room. He gave a solemn goodnight, telling you that he wished you were there with them, before he toddled away. Your cheeks were warm in the cool night air, the liquor and weed weighing heavily on you, but not any more than your tiredness.

When Jake settled into bed under the covers, as much as sleep wanted to become him, he couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes. “Are you going to bed, beautiful?” He mumbled. You couldn’t help but giggle to yourself. He was barely formulating the words, head buried so deep in the pillow you could hardly see him anymore.

“I think you probably should.” You told him, concern becoming you. “We can talk tomorrow, rockstar.”

“Don’t want to,” he mumbled “just want you here with me.” Your heart ached, hating to admit to yourself that you felt the same way.

“I know, I do too.” You finally mustered out. As much as you enjoyed talking with Jake, and as aware as you were about your feelings for him, the opening up part was proving quite difficult. You had no problem with the flirting, or the endless conversations, or even the sex talk, but telling him how you truly felt was troublesome. You weren’t sure if it was because you were scared of rejection, or because you were just scared of falling in love with him. “I miss you.” You whispered.

“I miss you too, beautiful.” He seemed more alert now, energized by the fact you’d made that proclamation first, this time.

“When can I see you again?” You picked at some frayed strings on your pants, avoiding looking at him.

“Soon, I promise. Once you finish school, I’ll take you around the world with me.” His smile brought your attention back to him. You found it impossible to look anywhere else. Your chest burned at his statement, wondering if he was being truthful or not.

“You mean it?”

“Never meant anything more in my life.” He assured you. “I hate sleeping alone, now, ‘cause I know what it’s like to sleep next to you.” You stood to go back inside, butting out your last cigarette of the night before entering through the front door and locking it behind you. You didn’t answer him until you were in your bedroom with the door closed.

“Don’t make promises you don’t mean, rockstar.” You took off your sweater and your pants, climbing into bed. The alcohol was buzzing through your veins, making your head feel a bit fuzzy. You were more than ready for bed.

“I’ve never told you anything I didn’t mean, baby.” The pet name rolled off his tongue so effortlessly, like he was meant to call you that all along, but it hit you with such an impact that you were sure it had stopped your heart for a moment. He’d called you plenty of other names, more in a compliment context, but such a domestic title was something very new. He didn’t even notice the effect it had on you; he was laying there with his eyes closed, phone only showing half of his face in the frame. When you didn’t answer, he opened one of his eyes to see what was going on. “I’m sorry, did that bother you? I wasn’t thinking,” he rushed out.

“No, Jake. It’s okay.” You reassured him. “I liked it.” A small smile creeped onto his face. You couldn’t help but return it. “I think I’m falling for you, rockstar.” You breathed after a moment too long.

“I already have, witchy woman.” His eyes were open again, watching the blush spread across your cheeks. That was the best way he could say it, because he was afraid he’d already fallen in love with you. He was glad he could at least tell you a sliver of what he was feeling for you. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Soon,” you said, curling up into your blankets.

“Can we stay on the phone tonight?” He asked. “I don’t want to hang up.”

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot.” You turned over, plugging your phone into the charger. You set your phone on your nightstand, propped up against a book so he could see you. He shuffled around, doing the same thing. This wasn’t the first time you’d fallen asleep with him on the phone. You hadn’t done it in a few days, though. It was nice. When the days permitted, sometimes you even got to wake up to him before he had to go. He usually waited as long as he could before hanging up so he could at least try to say good morning. If you were awake first, you did the same. You really enjoyed the little routines you two had been building together.

You both settled into your beds, rustling in the pillows and blankets to find the comfiest position. You watched your phone, wanting to soak in every second of seeing his face. “Goodnight, beautiful.” He mumbled, sleep calling to him. “Sleep well, I’ll see you in the morning.” He said it as if it were a promise.

“Goodnight, rockstar.” You whispered. His eyes fluttered closed as he bit his tongue, holding back any other words. The ‘L’ word was always so dangerously close to slipping out of his mouth. He felt so stupid, wanting to say ‘I love you’, when he’d only known you for a few weeks, but he felt like he really did. He’d never met anyone else who made him feel like you did, and it started from the minute he saw you.

Before you closed your own eyes, they drifted to the wall behind your computer desk. The record sleeve of one of Jake’s albums stood so beautifully prominent, his signature illuminated by your desk lamp. Your gaze lingered over the sharpie marks, stomach fluttering at the memory of him writing it. You fell asleep with a smile, already excited to wake up to him in the morning.

~

Tag list: @gvfpal @jakesgrapejuice

[tmwcs]

My Girlfriends Roommate - Chapter 12 FINALE! (18+) Minors DNI

WARNINGS: Pain and breeding kink is strong with this one. Rough sex, rough, rough, and rough! There's internal monologue, mentioning of God, talking to God, talking to each other through internal monologue, emotional connection, and lots of graphic scenes that is descriptive. Again this was an original fic I drafted with the main characters names changed, they're ones i created entirely on my own and their personalities do not reflect any of the real person(s) that are Enhypen. Just wanna throw that out there.

There will be a sequel, that's another original piece I did that I'll have to re-edit, but I'll wait and see how this series does and how receptive it is. Sequel is My Roommate's Ex, its alot, ALOT shorter than this series, but is alot jucier (really juicy actually, alot of you will probably be shocked)

MGR pretty much did all the work as far as the build up and relationship development, which is why there are so many chapters.

With that said, if you enjoy it, please either message or comment so I know it will be worth my time to re-edit the sequel and other works that I have drafted years ago. :) Take care loves and remember to love yourself and MGR Heesueng loves you.

“God,

It’s been a while huh. Or maybe you never heard me to begin with. Its not my fault, I couldn’t reach out. I couldn’t get through to you. But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore because I no longer need an answer from you.

I used to think you were testing me. Wondered if you had other plans for me. Thinking you were telling me to broaden my horizons.

Remember all those “potential” candidates you put my way? You know. The ones that made promises that, no matter the time or distance apart, they would be loyal… humble…display unconditional love, yet they never followed through even when times were peaceful. Yeah, those ones.

I used to wonder “why?” Why was it so hard to find what others found so easy to throw away? My friends, my brother, my father…

Even for someone like Gabe, to earn Vicky’s trust and devotion and used it against her, when I was the one who yearned and respected it. To the point where, for so long, I repeatedly dismissed the acts of her betrayal when I secretly found out just how grounded their relationship really was, physically and emotionally.

Why was it so easy for everyone to find it, yet impossible for me when I was the one searching? As if I was doing all the work for them.

Maybe I shouldn’t had been so eager to crave companionship, but you made me that way, didn’t you? Hehehe. I could never understand why you gave me demons when I asked for angels. Whenever I saw the happiness of any man, God…only you know…I hated the world. The beasts inside me wanted to burn this whole place down and end it. I was tired of everyone getting the one thing I couldn’t.

Was it wrong?

Considering the number of times, I’ve been let down, was it wrong for me to secretly wish for the demise of other people’s happiness?

Was it wrong for me to get jealous when Jay’s smile grew wider, Sunghoon’s meaning in life grew deeper, or when Jakes voice got higher…was it wrong for me to feign happiness when I hoped for chaos and turbulence?

There wasn’t a day I wanted to wake up from sleep. At least then, I wouldn’t have to think about it. Just dream of it. It was less lonely that way. But now…I don’t have to look forward to sleep. I don’t have to be happy only in my dreams, do I?

I have her. The one you sculpted to be more beautiful than the sun and moon. Yes…her. Her in front of me.

She is the one and only thing that I had been searching for since I became a man. She is the shelter I was asking for when I am so far from home. She is the most beautiful inside and out, and nothing makes sense without her.

She is the sole comfort in my life, and for once, I don’t have to worry about a single thing. You gave her wings, yet she chooses to walk beside me.”

Heeseung’s momentum was the exact opposite of Samuels. You couldn’t help but compare the two, after all, Samuel was the only other experience you had, and within the eight months of your union, you shared that experience with him countless times. Every single moment where you gave him access to your womanhood, while it was pleasant, it wasn’t as invigorating as it was now. Even on nights when Samuel was a hard lover and less soothing in his performance, you had no idea that the vigor of any man could surpass the levels he displayed.

You didn’t know any better until Heeseung entered. He was rough, he was hard, and he was fast. He wasn’t making love; he was fucking you. But somehow, perhaps due to the level of sentimental connection that you both seem to share with each other, you just knew that while he was fucking you, he did so lovingly.

Everything you needed and wanted in life; he was fucking it into you.

He fucked the tears you cried that night. He fucked the smiles that were deceived out of you by Samuels lies. He fucked the pain of reading his words of betrayal. He fucked the joy you felt at having someone to come home to. He fucked the screams coming out of your mouth right now as he pounds into you, creating a soreness each time his groin slaps against you. He fucked the laughter you shared with friends and family during the peaceful moments in life.

But most importantly, he fucked all his love inside you; as well as the pain, jealousy, anger, and disappointment he experienced. He fucked every single ounce of it into your core and watched the true beauty of metamorphosis to occur as all his burdens turned into the gasping moans coming out of you, soothing and healing him.

With pleasure and pain, you took it all in helplessly as he fucked all his thoughts and desires. You not only loved every single bit of it, you wanted more.

He fucked roses. Roses you grew for Samuel, that you nurtured and watered with the tears you shed that night, all blooming because of Heeseung.

He fucked blue. The color of the sky, that you loved so much, is now the color of your energy.

He fucked the moon and sun. The eclipse of his heart embracing yours. He fucked you into Heaven and Earth.

Heeseung was doing more than just healing, he was showing the amount of love and devotion a man could ever develop for any woman. He was taking care of you in ways that no other man would ever be smart enough to do on his own. He fucks into you relentlessly, all things good and bad, and it was the most terrible and beautiful thing you’ve ever felt. The echoing voice translates the beauty of Heeseung’s love into to the deepest trenches of your soul, hoping that his heart would hear.

“He fucks me…he loves me. He shelters me by coating the skin on my body with his tongue.

God, he is fucking me and he’s doing it so good.

Oh God, I love it when he fucks me.

Could anyone with a human heart ever understand?

Could you? With your almighty heart and values in creation of mankind? Could you understand that what he is doing to me is the very thing I never knew I needed?

I don’t ever want him to stop. I want him to fuck me every day. I want him to fuck me every night. I want him to do everything to me. Just…want him to….fuck…”

His pace increases, his thrusts go deeper, and your head suspends your features to flush with the ceiling, moaning, and screaming. The vibrations of the echoes in your voice dances in the room, bouncing off the walls, the buzzing swims into both your ears as he holds you, steady as possible, while giving you everything he’s got. The ferocity of Greek Gods couldn’t even compare to Heeseung’s own.

The back of your head presses away from the headboard, you lean your face forward and introduce your cries into his mouth, engaged in the most passionate exchanging of wet kisses. The flicking of your tongues migrating from left to right, up and down, and in and out.

Your hands around his broad shoulders, your body lost all contact with the headboard as you have now completely relied on his body to fully support you. Not that it was a surprise, it was still impressive that Heeseung’s strength carried the weight of two bodies effortlessly.

You fall dense on his form; it was hard and warm. You were inching closer to a heightened state of euphoria as you bounced when you received each raging thrust.

The view of your hair flowing all around, dancing against your skin was a sight to behold. The sight of your breasts in bouncing motion from the thrusting impact enabled him to feel the desire to continue. But not just for the pleasure he was feeling from fucking you, it was so he could keep watching the evolution of your beauty taking place before him, all because of the awfully pleasant things he was doing to you. Things that are every father’s worst nightmare.

Your beauty just continuously amazes him, from the moment he met you he did everything in his power to not overindulge the mesmerizing image of you since he was trying to remain committed to Vicky, even if it was all mental. But he couldn’t, he wasn’t strong enough. You were intoxicating and no matter how he tried to distract himself from you, he was always brought back to your image.

Now that he got to see you in such a vulnerable state, he learned that you weren’t just beautiful when smiling, laughing, and looking at him intently with those dangerous eyes, he now discovered that you were just as beautiful, if not more so, when your face was stained with the pain of his penetration or the pleasure of him hitting your spot.

You were the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, an ancient glory of the world’s creation. Enabled by wanting to see more sides of you, he takes sinful act of performance to a speed that is unsearchable. And God, you lost it. Grabbing on to his chest, your strength drains out of you as your fingers drag down. You found yourself re-gripping your hold on his chest or his biceps, alternating as the high momentum of your bouncing form caused you to lose your handling. Your chest felt sore as you hyperventilate, and a combination of gasps and moans shot out of you violently.

“He fucks me.” “I fuck her.”

The slapping of on and off skin contact from his penetration accompanies your screams of pleasure. The feeling was so intense, and while you were pretty sure everyone could hear it, you knew that no one was going to do anything about it and, upon discovering his Heaven and Earth, you hope it stayed that way. The traffic of air escaping you causes your mouth to dry up, the flesh of your womb bruising from his explicit and merciless act; the moist flesh that binds around his cock continues to leak, allowing him to fuck you more easily, regardless of how tightly you were wrapped around him.

“He loves me.” “I love her.”

The sweat glistening your bodies, took part in transforming the movements from steady and neat to sloppy and shaky. Along with the explosion of pleasure and sexual power, you both were losing all sense of humanism, becoming animalistic and primitive instead. The mashing of his balls into your taint furthered the pleasure you were experiencing as you kept taking him in, permitting him to forge his sexual satisfaction inside your delicate and fragile body.

You never want to lose this. The thought of having him motivated you to raise and cross your arms around his neck; he knew the meaning behind this notion and just like you, he felt the same. Putting any remaining gaps in between your bodies to rest in peace, as he tightened his wrap around you.

His arms are parallel to each other as they remain firmly wrapped around your back, both hands reaching and touching your breasts from each side as he used the bulk of strength from his core to lift, pull, and push you up and down his cock, coating it with the slick gush of your pleasure. His knees were starting to grow weary from the strain of supporting you both, yet the pleasure of fucking you so beautifully gave him the strength to keep going.

“Please God, let him stay.” “I won’t leave you baby. I’m staying.”

Still exchanging the kisses, that have too now become sloppy, you began to feel like you were dying inside, the pleasure was too overwhelming, and you lost feeling in your fingers, finding it difficult to tell if you were touching his skin every time you dug the tips in. You have grown completely numb as your legs begin to slack off, their wrap around his waist loosens and the alternation of your bouncing of your body and the impact of his thrusts promotes them to slide and fall off.

Sensing you were growing weaker and faltering, he takes his arm and catches one of your legs from falling completely down, remaining hold of it. He places a reach around from the inside, placing his hand on your waist as his arm snakes your thigh, looping it from falling, maintaining some bit of integrity with the position as you continue getting fucked.

“I want him.” “I want her.”

You feel yourself growing too weak, your vision begins to tunnel as a thick ring of darkness slowly narrows your limited vision. Your arms wrapped around his neck begins to loosen and you found it more comfortable to place your hands back on his biceps, allowing them to rest on them since you lacked the strength to hold them in place. You can barely hold on. Your moans, while still maintaining volume, have decreased, the tone of your vocal cords no longer had the strength to push out solid sound, just a slight dying tone accompanying a whispering gasp as you took on ever other breath trying to find a way to re- stabilize your stamina so that it would match his.

A sudden swarm of defeat informs ceases you from doing anything. It was finally here.

You begin to feel the sharpness of your orgasm to penetrate deep into your stomach and chest each time his cock thrusted into you. Your legs shake violently, and your body is reaching a mode of panic as it jolts as you feel your hips gyrate against his groin. Though you’ve never experienced this, you knew of the feeling from the talk of friends, you were getting close. Really close.

Your body’s message to your brain is contradicting, it wants you to tell him to stop, to not proceed any further due to the overstimulation being unbearable. Yet, confusingly, it wanted him to continue, not just that, but it compelled you to move along with his rhythm and aid his quest for a release.

“God…please let him be the one and only one.”

“It’s me and you forever baby, I’ll always be the one to give it to you. Just me…and you….me fucking you… always.”

No words were exchanged, just the sound of your gasps and his groans and heavy breathing fills the hollowness of the room. Regardless, you both felt and heard each other’s tone of endearment as you communicate through the moans of pleasure. Your hips roll vigorously as you felt his cock begin to pulsate. He was also close, and his breathing began to shorten. His gasping breaths grew louder and more frequent, in sync with his thrusts. You loved the sound of his voice reflecting his actions towards you. It was capturing your independence and the sole entity of your being as you embraced the concept of being completely owned by him.

“I never want to be away from him.”

“Come with me.”

“I want to build a home with him.

"Marry me.”

“I want to carry his legacy.”

“Be the mother of my children.”

You both have reached the same altitude of the orgasmic high as his sloppy thrusts, receiving a boost of stamina from the turmoil of ecstasy in his core, become harder and faster. He was going into you deeper, to the point that your body reacted by jolting upwards. Your hands pushed against his biceps as you desperately try to remain suspended in hopes to inhibit him from breaking into you further, trying your best to prevent him going in too deep.

But Heeseung’s arm around your waist, which up until this very moment had been supporting you, works against you as he reaches up to the back of your shoulder, grabbing hold to push you down steadily and firmly, holding you in place as he continues his desire to extend his reach inside of you. He feels himself tearing your open parts that would be unreachable for any other man. He pushes, tears, rips, and separates you.

You found your voice as you let out a murderous scream, letting out everything ranging from yelling out his name and your desperate pleas begging for mercy, which he did not honor. To your painful horror he kept going while attaching his open mouth against your ear, placing soft kisses on your helix. Your remained facing off to the side, giving him full access to your ear as you try to find some sort of comfort from his kisses, in hopes that it would distract you from the pain. It didn’t, fact is, there was nothing that could ease, let alone save you.

You lose your mind. You lose sight, hearing, and the ability to think as your body is forced to take in all his power. The moisture inside you grows, it was your body’s response to the trauma, as if making it easier for him to slide in and out was going to help take the shock of pain away from him ripping into you, reaching a spot inside. A spot in every woman’s body that should never be breached.

The union of your fluids was formulating inside you, starts to seep out from whenever he thrusted, dripping down his cock and eventually creating a pool on the bed spread. Your mind has become blank with darkness, the pain starts to become tolerable as your orgasm trinkles in, starting off light and increases to the triggering point where the explosive punch from deep within your core takes place.

At that moment, the worst pain you felt at the hands of this man became worth dealing with as a nuclear effect causes your mind, body, and soul to be covered by a blanket of overwhelming pleasure.

Your scream was high in desperation from succumbing to that pleasure and pain. He loved hearing it, but he had, though barely, enough sense to stay mindful that you both were still in a dorm room. He loosens his grip and shoots his hand to extend passed the back of your shoulder, reaching from behind the base of your neck and around to the side of your face, covering your mouth. He loved the feeling of collecting your pants with his palm, the heat and condensation from it all being a mark of his victory.

Prior to muffling it, the sound of your scream brought him the most happiness he’s felt in a long time. He hated that he had to cover it, but he felt grateful that he was at least able to hear and memorize it before forcing it back into your mouth through the barricade of his hand.

Your body goes limp yet continues to shake in thunderous waves all over as the high from your intense orgasm pelted you with kisses of pleasure. It gave you wings. Heeseung’s orgasm follows suit after feeling the palpations of your walls clenching and pulsating against him at a rapid rate. There was an indescribable feeling of pleasure and joy within him as he felt the filtering release of his cum seeping deep inside you, painting your walls as white as the clouds in the sky.

All his children swim inside you, dancing joyfully upon finally meeting the warmth, comfort, and protection of their mother. Sealing your lips with another tender kiss, you both remain in position at a standstill. His cock resting inside you, you’re almost certain he was still releasing his fluid, which you willingly accept and take in. You receive his kiss as you enjoy the first and unfertilized stages from the act of procreation, and you embrace the concept of motherhood even if his offspring were in their microscopic form.

“My beautiful girl…I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to worry about a thing. From now on, tell me what he’s done to you, and I’ll fix it.

Tell me you want a castle, I’ll build it.

Tell me you want the world, I’ll give it.

I’ll give everything, whether it’s my life or the sounds of the ocean, I’ll give you everything you want. It’s the least I can do, I’m so grateful.

I’m grateful to you.

I’m grateful to the love and creativity of your parents when they made you.

I’m grateful to him for giving you up.

I’m grateful to God for choosing you as his favorite. I’m grateful I get to keep you.

I’m grateful to the world, for once. I’m eternally grateful for finding you and even more so as I get to look forward an eternity with you.”

[heyclickadee]

I've had this sitting in my drafts for a few days and just forgot to post it. Anyway! Thoughts on "Entombed" (sorry, this got long): 

1. There's an ancient mechanical creature hidden under a mountain on an uncharted world activated by a mysterious crystal and implied to have razed its entire planet. Why? How does this technology work? Is the mechanical creature alive or sentient in some way? What is it about the crystal that activates the creature? Is this just technology, or is it force weirdness, or both? Why did somebody (potentially the Zeffo) build a planet destroying giraffe of terror? Why was it in the mountain? Did someone hide it there? Did the engineer who designed it base its appearance off of a real animal? Did it hide itself? I have questions.

2. I had to watch this one twice to decide what I thought. I enjoyed it the first time, but I was so thrown by how completely different it was than what I was expecting that I had to give it another shot. Second time around? I loved it. Sometimes Star Wars is profound and serious. Sometimes it's silly Indiana Jones shenanigans in space, and I love it for that.

3. I'll talk about the whole "filler" discussion lower down, but one of the throughlines that's been carried through to this episode from the very beginning of the season is the idea of these characters exploring life outside Kamino, the army, and even the "hunker down and survive" mode they were all in last season, along with the choices they are or could be making as individuals regarding what kind of lives they want to live. Echo, for example, wants to go back to being a soldier, but this time in a fight against the empire; Crosshair is still choosing to be a soldier (for now), and he's miserable about it but having to live with the choice he made to stay; Tech's gotten to explore a bit of what he wants and likes through the riot racing episode but, more than that, he's being presented with the idea that the galaxy is broader and deeper than he considered and that he maybe has more to offer it than just what he was designed to offer; Wrecker...honestly needs an episode where he's in focus because he seems to be the most content of any of them and I'm not sure what Wrecker wants, besides being with the people he loves; and then this week was Omega's (and sort of but not quite) Hunter's turn. I'm an adult, so I tend to focus on the adult characters, but Omega's such a good character and it's great that she's also getting a chance to explore what kind of person she wants to be. This is the second episode we've seen that really focuses on her being a bit of an adrenaline junky with an interest in treasure hunting. And given what Romar said to her about how happiness is worth all the treasure in the galaxy, that's probably going to be a theme for her this season, and I'm curious to see where it goes.

4. Theres. An inexplicable megazord. Just. Out there. On a dead planet.

5.  Hunter's...Hunter's not okay. And not even in just a "tired dad" sense, I mean that Hunter's probably been crying under his helmet since "Aftermath" and that he's getting to the point where he can't hide how bone-tired and sad he actually is. It's almost shocking going back and watching the first half of season one and comparing Hunter there to how he's been in his season so far, because he was so much more open back then. He was exploring options, asking questions, trying to find a new life for all of them, and came across as pretty confident in his decisions, but after the one-two-three punch of encountering Crosshair on Bracca, getting shot by Cad Bane, and losing Omega? The man shuts down. And he only shut down more after what happened with Crosshair on Kamino. I actually suspect that Hunter agrees more with Echo about what they should be doing than he lets on, even taking his opinion that Omega shouldn't be forced into become a soldier the way they were into account. He's not happy about what they're doing, he doesn't like going on dangerous missions for someone else, and he really only got involved with Cid because they were broke and desperate and because she kind of blackmailed them into doing it, but he keeps digging his heels in and refusing to move. It seems like he feels like he's a failure as a leader, a brother, and maybe even as a father, because he hasn't really been proactively leading the group since episode nine of last season. He isn't really making decisions about what they should or shouldn't do--he's mostly letting other people decide on their missions and then letting them guilt, blackmail, or push him into it because he's so scared of making a decision that get's another one of them hurt or results in them losing another person the way they lost Crosshair (or worse) that he's mentally and emotionally paralyzed AND emotionally isolating himself from everyone else. And that paralysis is starting--more than starting--to cause friction on the team, and I'm curious to see how that's going to affect the story moving forward.

6. Seriously, someone get this beautiful bandana man some therapy.

7. Likewise, the vibe between Echo and Hunter this episode was interesting. As much as they're (at least outwardly) disagreeing on what their next steps should be, there doesn't seem to be any animosity between them, at least not yet.  All those silently exchanged glances? They disagree, but they trust each other, and I kind of think they both think that they other one is going to come around to their point of view. Eventually.

8. Omega is me if someone sets me loose on a scavanger hunt.

9. They gave me the space archaeology (kind of) and I am VIBRATING

10. I WISH archaeology was this fun. I spent an entire season walking surveys up in Wyoming, and did I ever come across a map to an ancient mecha-beast? No. No I did not. (I kid, real life archaeology is very fun and I have absolutely cried about lithic debitage and fingerprints on potsherds because someone it means someone lived and breathed and died and that stuff might seem boring but it's evidence of a human life and that's beautiful.)

11. Phee! All hail our pirate queen!

12. Phee is fun and her fashion sense is impeccable. And she has a sword. She's got a vibro-cutlass. Or something like unto a sword. But in space. And regardless of how anyone interprets them, I really liked the scenes with her and Tech at the beginning (characters being a bit snarky towards each other? I'm going to have fun), and Omega imprinting on her like a little baby duck was adorable. It's similar to the vibe Ezra had with Hondo, but where Ezra was a bit of a little shit (and I mean that affectionately) with a tendency to give Hondo chances he knew Hondo didn't deserve because he thought Hondo was a fun dude to have around (and maybe because he saw in Hondo a lot of the kind of person he would have turned into if the ghost crew hadn't picked him up and given him a chance), Omega's just all starry eyes with Phee. Is Phee trustworthy? Probably not. Is she fun for now? Oh yeah.

13. It would be hilarious if Phee turned out to be a former jedi who worked in the archives but left the order well before the war or order 66 because she wanted to go treasure hunting. This is the crackiest of crack theories and I do not expect it to happen. But it would be funny.

14. I loved how into the treasure hunt Tech started to get. Asking questions? About the puzzles? Doing his own investigation on the age of the site? Yes.

15. "I suspect that this is not, in fact, a treasure vault," as the aforementioned inexplicable megazord shambles to life once again proving that Tech, with his deadpan one-liners, is the funniest damn character on this show.  

16. Not much Echo this episode, which was a little disappointing, but I liked what little we got. Hopefully there's more in the next one!

17. There's a MAP to an TECHNOLOGICAL MONSTER that PREDATES THE REPUBLIC just OUT in SPACE and I am HERE FOR IT.

18. I didn't think it was possible to make something that vaguely resembles an ankylosaur look scary. I've been corrected. I'm glad Wrecker was able to throw the ankylosaur from hell out the window. (But also I feel a little sorry for it). 

19. Mel??? Running from the death ray??? And not making it??? Corbett and Rau I AM IN YOUR WALLS WHAT THE HELL??? But no, actually, that was a pretty good way to up tension without taking out one of the regular characters.

20. So...I'm not saying that spite is low-key a good motivator, but spite might low-key be a good motivator. I'll just leave it at that.

21. No one calls the clone characters by their names. I didn't think this was anything at first, but the more of this season I see, the more I think it definitely is. No one who isn't a clone addresses a clone by their name. And it's not just the villianous or morally ambiguous non-clone characters, no one does it. Not Phee, who has a couple different nicknames for everyone in the batch (including Tech, even though she asked what his name was), not Cid, not Rampart, not even Romar, and Romar was definitely a good guy. The only exception was the announcer and the crowd using Tech's name in "Faster," because that's the name he gave when he signed up (and there's a pretty good chance no one suspected he was a clone) and even then the announcer had to comment on how weird it was and questioned whether or not that was even a name. It's an interesting trend and is probably playing into the idea of how clones were viewed by most of the galaxy during the war--basically as non-people--but I also want to see where it goes before I come down on any hard conclusions. Apart from the overall trend, I do think that every character we're meeting is doing it for a different reason. Rampart pointedly calls clones by their CT numbers as a sign of disrespect. They are not people to him and he doesn't care if they know that. Cid? I think it's so she doesn't get attached. She doesn't want to like them too much. It might be the same for Phee, buuuuuut I'm not sure. And then with Romar...I kind of wonder if he kept calling Tech "Ace" partly because he didn't realize that Tech's name was Tech. Same with the announcer in "Faster" scratching his head over "Tech" being a name. Romar could have thought that "Tech" was a codename or a squad designation, because...I mean...clone names are unusual. Even within the galaxy far far away with the exceedingly silly names, clone names are often etymologically weird. And every person in the batch is named after their job. It'd be like going to the store and finding out that the person loading the shelves is just named "Stocker." And--hey, sad thought about clones--I kind of wonder if most people in the galaxy just assumed that clones didn't have names. After all, they're manufactured people, people who didn't--from what people could tell from the outside--have families. Who would name them? is probably what a lot of people who didn't know the clones would ask. The only people who called the clones by their names were the jedi and other clones; now the jedi are gone and most of the clones aren't in a position to even use their own names right now.

22. I just made myself sad about clones.

23. I LOVED the look of...well, of everything in this episode. It honestly felt like half the purpose of this one was to allow the art and effects teams to flex and flex they did.  

24. This whole episode is like if someone decided that Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Castle in the Sky, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, and Godzilla: King of Monsters were the same movie, and I appreciate that energy. 

25. I love that the batch's reaction at the end was basically just, "Well. That just happened." I need Crosshair to come back so they can tell him this story. Them just saying, "While you were off with the Empire we were awakening the ancient horrors," and him jokingly threatening to leave again because there's no way he's believing that this happened.

26. What is the kingdom of Elweys? I need it. I need to know. (For real, though, I'm actually glad that none of the crazy ancient technology stuff in this episode was explained. It gives the GFFA a bit of temporal depth that it doesn't always have and I'm here for it.)

27. Regarding the filler discussion: Not every story has to be serialized. It's okay for some shows to just be a series of putting characters in different combinations and scenarios and seeing what they do. In fact, that used to be the norm. For decades. That was how television worked. It's only in the last decade or so that serialized television has become more of a regular thing. 

Furthermore, there's a spectrum of ways to serialize something. On one end of that spectrum you have your eight-hour movies--things like Kenobi and Moon Knight, where pretty much every episode begins where the previous episode ended, and where no episode is complete without the overall structure of the entire show. On the other end of that spectrum you have your tentpole episode shows--think something like the first season of the Ducktales reboot--where you can mostly watch the episodes in any order you want because most of the episodes are the characters getting into various shenanigans while most of the plot is reserved for big event episodes, usually mid-season or season finales. And then elsewhere on that spectrum you'll have shows that are written a little more like a novel. Every single episode or chapter will have its own story, its own miniature inciting incident, rising action, climax, falling action, and its own mix of plot, character development, and worldbuilding (sometimes focusing a little more on one than the others), but the successive episodes or chapters build up to an overarching story and overall structure, and it can be hard to see how or what that overarching story is until you get to the end of the whole story. That's what The Bad Batch is. It's that kind of serialized story. 

And--just a last thought--if we're going to say that an episode is filler and doesn't contribute to the plot, we've got to one, consider that maybe story is more than plot, and two, ask ourselves what the "plot" actually is. Anyway, this is just me being a little bit salty, but the unending "filler" discourse whenever The Bad Batch isn't Crosshair's Agony Half-Hour got old last season, and this will probably be the last thing I say about it. (Also, this is just me and my two cents, so take it with a grain of salt). 

28. Jumping off of that, this kind of episode does make me suspect that we are getting at least a third season, because it feels like the writers are taking their time taking us we're they're going. I am more than okay with this.

29. DID I MENTION THE INEXPLICABLE MEGAZORD???

[many-but-one]

This is a poem written by Dorian nearly couple years ago now. He never ended up posting it because he intended to post the audio with it but we never finished captioning the audio. Going through our drafts, we found it. Since we’re on a poetry sharing kick tonight, I’ll post it now. This poem should probably be updated eventually since Dori knows more now, but we will keep it as-is for now.

Written by Dori:

I want to note that this poem is HEAVILY inspired by a slam poem by Patrick Roche. He came up with the idea of moving backwards in the timeline, which I felt was just...genius. Especially in the realm of DID, where if you know at the first age you have DID, you know it will only get progressively worse. And in my case, things do get worse, but then you get to see the real things that were believed back then. I discussed this poem with several parts in our system, not only asking for their help, but also asking if it was okay for me to share.

Lastly, here are the trigger warnings. This poem is HEAVY. It is graphic, it alludes and blatantly states some very disturbing things. I am tired of being silent.

TW: Alcohol, CSA, adulthood/teen SA, intense religious imagery, blasphemy, unalive attempt, drugs/pills, medical/hospital/doctors, self harm, domestic violence, parents, violence in general, car crashes, AFAB menstruation, neglect, death of a family member, a lot of cursing, BIG mentions of grooming from the POV of the child, brief mentions of abortions.

Haha. The gods really put every single TW they could think of in my life huh. Realizing that my entire life is essentially a trigger warning is 😅 Oof.

Anyway, here is the poem. Read with caution.

24 years and counting.

24, going on 25. I wake up each morning not knowing who I am and this is normal now. I have realized that this will be my normal forever, or at least until I process the layers upon layers of trauma, hidden underneath layers and layers of amnesia that I slowly peel back like onion skins, each layer getting more and more terrifying, more and more worrisome. The deeper I dig into this hole of unknown the harder my heart beats, and I realize my heart beats like a war drum. I have always been at war, with myself, with this body of mine. Of ours. 

Mid 24, I come to terms with a diagnosis called DID. I start to learn more about the different versions of myself, where they all intersect, where it melds together and where it stands apart. I think I know everything but 24 going on 25 version of me laughs at how naive I am. Perhaps 25 year old me will laugh at 24 going on 25 me. Maybe I’ll realize the depths of the hell I crawled out of called childhood was worse than I know even now. I don’t look forward to it. 

Early 24, I got married this year, my wife married three of me, three of me love her dearly. Things feel right and good again, I feel like I am on a happy path. My brain makes about as much sense at it always has, but at least I somewhat understand the pieces of the puzzle I’ve been given. Or at least, so I thought. 

23, this year is a blur, the only thing that stands out is that I quit my job I’ve had for five years. I loved that job. I quit that job because one of my past abusers walked in with no warning, and the sirens in my head went off like there was a nuclear bomb incoming. I still tell myself he didn’t see me but I know I’m lying to myself. I quit that very day and I realized that he still has control over me to this very day, 17 years after the trauma ended.

22, Two months before I am set to graduate college with my degree I get the diagnosis that changes my life. Not that my life is any different afterwards, at least not yet, so I try to continue forward regardless. How badly I wish to return to this moment and take my own face in my hands and look myself deep in the eyes and tell the 22 year old me that they have a storm coming. I think I already know, despite not really knowing, because I find myself getting drunk after work almost every night. I hide the bottles from my fiancée. I don’t want her to think I am my father.

21, I am old enough to drink! I barely drink. Every time I drink and it tastes too much like alcohol I am reminded of my father’s breath. I...don't know why. I stick to fruity drinks that taste good so that I can stop feeling things. Maybe I really am my father’s daughter. 

20, I finally start making friends in college, which is strange. Some people talk to me and I’ve never met them before, but they act like we’ve been friends since forever. Sometimes I attend lectures and I don’t remember what they are about. Sometimes I ask questions and I can hear my voice speaking and feel my mouth moving and I don’t know what I am saying. This is normal. The competent version of me sometimes does stuff when I get overwhelmed, that’s normal. That’s always happened! Everyone does that, right?

19, I wake up on the floor of my mother’s bathroom one afternoon, I smell my own stench I have been rotting in, I peek my eyes open and see pill bottles all around me, but no pills to be seen. The burn of bile on my throat and in my mouth makes me gag. I look in the toilet and see the pills. I won’t remember this moment until I am 24. I will learn it was not me that tried to kill themselves. I will also learn it was not me that saved me.

18, I have my first of many mental hospital stays. The doctors watch me stare at the other kids in the ward, nearly catatonic. They said they’d never seen a patient that never smiled. “Most kids get out of here within a couple of days!” They assured my mother and I. Two weeks later and I am still rotting on the plastic bedsheets. I lie and tell them I’m okay but I am not okay, I just want to live a life that involves shoelaces and doesn’t have nurses yelling at me to brush my teeth. I go back to school like nothing happened and almost all of my friends are gone. They never really cared.

18, pre-mental hospital, I am dating a boy that I don’t love. I am dating him because that’s what girls do even though I am not a girl. He is my best friend and it just seemed right. I really only dated him because sometimes I felt like I really loved him, but most of the time his lips on mine and his hands on my waist felt wrong. Something in my head feels like it’s buzzing like a beehive every time I go to his apartment. It’s almost like a spidey sense, except I ignore it and when I find myself back home, I don’t remember anything that happened at his house, nor how I ended up back home. I don’t think about it too hard. 

17, My dad punched a wall again. He screamed until I cried again. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t do this anymore. I hurt myself with sharp objects because it feels like that’s what I’m supposed to do. I never feel the pain, I only ever clean up the mess. I try to make myself as ugly as possible. To me(?) it makes sense. Obviously, if I am hideous, people will leave me alone. They won’t hurt me anymore, right? ...right? 

17, suddenly an angry version of myself appears and I realize I am SICK and TIRED of mistreatment. I fight back, I fight back with teeth and claws and words that are even sharper than both of those combined. I don’t remember these times very well. I certainly don’t remember the time this angry version of me YANKED the largest knife out of the butcher block and threatened the very man who ruined my life with it. I LOVE this version of myself. She’s intensity, with veins full of gasoline, ready and waiting for someone to ignite her. She bares her teeth in a grin and laughs, she says “I dare you, set me aflame, I will burn you with me.” Thanks, Alice. 

16, I nearly crash my car while I’m zoned out. Haha! I always zone out. Sometimes I zone out so hard that I forget big chunks of time, but everyone does that! 

15, my friend shows me his self harm scars and is trying to gain sympathy but I have none to give. I wonder if maybe doing the same will help me learn to have sympathy. Thus starts an addiction to pain that lasts for nearly a decade. 

14, I don’t remember this year very well but someone does. 

13, I started my period and I was told that I’m just a late bloomer. Everyone always said I was a late bloomer since forever. I didn’t hit my growth spurt until I was 14 either, and I didn’t stop wetting the bed until I was 9. Weird, but I didn’t put that much thought into it.

12, I wrote a detailed story that I no longer have a single copy of that talks about the structure of my inner world. Traces of the DID that I can actually remember. I don’t remember most of this year because I wasn’t the one who lived it.

11, My dad is neglecting me to party with his girlfriend. The one who lives some of next year lives this year too. Too much going on for fragile little me, someone stronger has to deal with this mess. She does. 

10, My brother died this year and this is the exact moment I stopped caring about God. Everything he ever gave to me he took away. I won’t understand the heaviness of such a statement for another decade and a half. This is when my depression started and when I lost my faith in humanity. I thought I gained it back for a while but I never did. I also stopped crying. Nobody heard me anyway. Someone in my head did it for me.

9, I don’t remember this year and I don’t want to.

8, I don’t remember this year and I don’t want to.

7, I am remembering this year and I don’t want to.

7, I am remembering this year and I don’t want to. 

7, I am remembering this year and I don’t want to.

7, I am remembering this year and it is the year that I well and truly shattered, the year I learned of the depravity of men, the year I learned that I was just holes to fuck, an actress in a sick film, a faerie, a demon, a screaming little cunt, and that’s all I would ever be seen as. This is the year I learned why I liked demons more than angels, and why God was my enemy. This is the year I realized for real that I was alone in this cruel fucking world and no amount of crying or talking or begging will ever make them hear me. They smile and laugh. They smile and laugh. They smile and laugh. :) 

6, late stages, My Sunday school teacher is so nice to me! He has a fun secret that only him and I share! I love him, he takes good care of me. He makes me feel good and special inside. I think deep down…I know it’s not okay. But I can’t help it. Actually, I am really scared because I see the way he looks at me and I feel queasy. I know this is wrong but I am scared he’ll hurt me if I say no. He said that God will tell him if I tell anyone what he does, and if God knows I am bad then I will go to hell. I don’t want to go to hell!! I’ll do whatever you say! I promise. I’m a good little girl. I’m an angel! 

6, early stages, my mommy and daddy broke up. They are fighting in court for me, and I don’t really know what that means. Mommy said the church is helping dad pay for good lawyers so she probably won’t get custody of me. I don’t know what that means. Mommy says daddy is bad and evil. Daddy says mommy is bad and evil. I don’t know who is telling the truth. Or maybe they both are. Or maybe I am the bad and evil one?

5, My dad visits me every night and calls me his little angel. :) I am his sweet angel! His breath smells funny though. And his fingers hurt me a lot, and I don’t like the way he tastes. But he said since I am a good angel it’s okay, so he must be right. 

4, Daddy and mommy fight a lot, my daddy has bottles in his hands a lot. He breaks them a lot. He hits mommy a lot. I am scared so I go hide. I am a being of terror. 

3, I am a toddler but there’s a version of me that remembers that he started existing at this age. He did everything he could to protect me. Even though he didn’t really know why. Thank you, Deimos.

2,

1,

0. I am just a twinkle in my mother’s eye, she’s just a teen and she’s scared out of her mind. This baby is saving her life, though. She didn’t want to keep going but now she has to. If only she knew that 25 years from now this baby would be a shattered and broken mess of themself, because of things desperately out of their control. They were just a baby. You failed them. They all failed them. They all failed US. Too bad you were a Christian. Maybe instead we could have been aborted. Or, rather, maybe we wouldn’t have step foot in that fucking church in the first place.

[direwombat]

wip-woop another wednesday at the wednesday factory

tagged by @madparadoxum, @g0dspeeed and tagged by @inafieldofdaisies a few days ago for a general wip whenever tag

tagging @strangefable, @adelaidedrubman, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @jillvalentinesday, @euryalex, @gaeadene, @ivymarquis, @voidika, @aceghosts, @purplehairsecretlair, @henbased, @confidentandgood, @poetikat, @vampireninjabunnies-blog, @cassietrn, @neverthesameneveranother, @wrathfulrook, @josephslittledeputy, @shallow-gravy, @clonesupport, @trench-rot, @simplegenius042, @strafethesesinners, @miyabilicious, @deputyash, @harmonyowl, and any and everyone else wanting to share their wip today (but no pressure)

some more katc ch5 (which i'm hoping to finish drafting over the long weekend so i can do my edits and have it posted by mid september) and more werewolf au stuff (which i am very slowly chipping away at; publish date tbd)

starting off with katc...

After wishing Nick and Kim a goodnight, Mary May pulls out another key and opens the door across the hall. “It ain’t the Four Seasons,” she says, “but it does most folks just fine.” 

Moonlight streams in through the open curtains, bathing the small room in silver. It’s simple, but cozy, and charmingly rustic. Every piece of furniture is made of wood, and it wouldn’t surprise Sybille if she learned that they were all handmade. The twin-sized bed has a handmade quilt draped over it and plush looking pillows that she can’t wait to lay her head on. A lamp and alarm clock sit on the bedside table and across from the bed is a small analog television occupying the entire surface of a small dresser. The rabbit ears of its antenna are positioned to one side, pointing towards the window. Off to the side is a door that leads to a small half-bath. 

“Honestly? I’d’ve been happy with a mattress on the floor,” Sybille says tiredly. “Thank you Ms. Fairgrave.”

Boomer leaps up onto the bed, circling around before scratching a front paw over the quilt, bunching it up before plopping down with a contented sigh. 

“Well, I think I got an air mattress floatin’ around somewhere,” Mary May smiles. 

Sybille breathes out a careful huff of laughter. “Naw, I’m good,” she says, taking a seat beside Boomer and giving him a scratch between the ears. “‘Preciate the offer, though.”

“Not a problem,” says Mary May. “You need anythin’ — extra blankets, pillows, a toothbrush — just give me a holler. Door to my apartment is at the end of the hall.” 

Sybille forces a smile. “Will do,” she says with absolutely zero intention of giving her host a shout, even if she does end up needing something. It’s just one night. Odds are she’ll be up and out the door before Mary May is awake, anyways. 

She’ll manage.

She always does. 

“Alright, well,” Mary May starts awkwardly. “I’ll let you get some rest, then. Sleep well, Deputy.”

“You too,” she nods, and she watches as Mary May exits into the hall and pulls the door shut behind her. 

Finally left alone, Sybille exhales a heavy sigh. She grunts as she has to lift her leg to cross her ankle over her knee and begins to untie her boot laces. Her nose wrinkles at the smell, and she’s quick to throw them to the other side of the room along with her equally potent socks. She shimmies out of her jeans, peeling the still slightly damp denim from her legs before letting them fall to the ground, along with the purple flannel Dutch gave her. They’ll dry faster if she hangs them over the bathroom door, but she’s too tired to get back to her feet. 

She doesn’t realize just how badly her entire body aches until she’s gingerly easing herself down onto the mattress. A long, low groan escapes her as she sinks into the bed. A series of pops climb up her spine as it straightens out and she groans again, this time in a much quieter breath of pleasure. 

Tugging feebly at the quilt, she tries to pull it over her worn and bruised body, but it doesn’t budge. She pulls a little harder, only for Boomer to make a disgruntled noise. “C’mon, buddy, we gotta share,” she sighs.

If she didn’t know any better, she’d say that he snores in response. 

“Alright, fine, you win,” she yawns, throwing her arm over her eyes. “But next time, I get the blanket, deal?”

Boomer shifts against her legs, and he rests his head atop her upper thigh. He lets out a soft whine, and he melts into her touch as her hand comes to rest on his soft, furry head. 

“Okay,” she concedes with another yawn and her eyelids drift shut. “You can have all the blankets.”

and some more from the beginning of the horror and the wild (chapter 1 recently having been titled: act i - infection)

When she finally finds Chad’s hunting cabin, it’s a goddamned relief. It’s pushing 10pm and Sybille is fucking starving. 

She regrets not stopping at the Spread Eagle or the General Store before leaving town. Normally she skips dinner while working mid-day shifts and whenever she drops by Eli’s afterwards, he usually has something made. But fuck, this little adventure of a detour has taken her far longer than anticipated. She could eat a goddamn elk. Whole. 

Her stomach growls noisily as she approaches the hunting cabin. “Please be fine,” she mutters to herself, because if he isn’t, if this turns into a whole thing where she needs to stay and call the Sheriff’s Department, she might actually bite someone’s head off when they get here. 

The porch slats groan underfoot and she knocks on what feels like a reinforced steel door. “Mr. Wolanski?” she calls. “Chad? It’s Sybillle — Eli’s girl.”

The strange rectangle in place of a normal peep-hole slides open and she’s met with beady black eyes peeking through a tangle of dark hair. They’re red-ringed and bloodshot, darting around frantically — wild and panicked. The poor man looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks. He looks terrified.

“Wha’ya’wan?” he grunts. 

“Uh,” she hesitates. “Eli sent me? He wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

“‘M’fine,” he grunts again. 

“Oh. Ok,” she says awkwardly. She shifts her weight from side to side and draws her lower lip between her teeth. There’s something strange here, but she can’t quite put her finger on it. The skin at the back of her neck prickles, much like it had as she was driving away from the Veterans Center. The tree boughs rustle in the wind, and the longer she stands there with her back exposed to the rugged nature surrounding the cabin, she gets the unsettling feeling like she’s being watched. She swallows thickly. “D’ya mind if I come in? Use your landline to call Eli and let ‘im know you’re alright?”

Chad’s eyes narrow. “Said m’fine,” he repeats. “Go.”

“Okay…” she says uneasily. Her gut is telling her to push. To insist that she come inside, but she has no grounds for justification. Even if she were on duty, there really isn’t much she could do. She’s confirmed he’s alive, and a bad feeling isn’t reason enough to force her entry. “Well,” she continues, “give Eli a call when y’can, alright? He’s worried ‘bout’cha.”

An affirmative grunt and a grumble that she thinks is “Goodnight,” and Chad is slamming the slot shut.

Her brows furrow when she hears something large and heavy dragging across the floor inside, and there’s a loud thud against the door. “Mister Wolanski, are you barricadin’ your front door?” she asks incredulously. There’s no answer. Just more sounds of furniture moving interspersed with the occasional shattering of glass. She pounds on the door once again. “Mister Wolanski!” she cries out. “Mister Wolanski, please! Let me inside so we can call Eli or the Sheriff’s Department. We can take care of whatever it is that’s causing your…uh…consternation.”

The interior of the cabin falls silent. She ceases her pummeling of the door, waiting to see if Chad will answer.

He doesn’t, and the lights inside flick off. 

She sighs, and beneath the weight of her uncertainty, her shoulders sag. Her mouth hangs open, a useless, questioning sound croaking out of the back of her throat. “The fuck is wrong with everyone tonight?” she says to no one in particular. 

Plodding back over to her truck, she leans in to grab her cell phone. A frustrated groan pushes up from her lungs and she hangs her head. Still no cell service. No calling Eli. No calling the sheriff’s department. 

She’s alone. 

Always alone. 

Gotta do everythin’ my goddamn self, she thinks bitterly.

Her stomach cramps and it rumbles angrily. “God dammit,” she mutters to herself. All she wants is a meal and to melt into Eli’s arms while they sit on his lumpy old couch watching television. A stiff autumn breeze cuts through her, encouraging her to leave. 

She’s done all she could. When she gets back to Eli’s, the two of them can figure out how they want to proceed.

[ratralsis]

In other news, I'm a little under halfway through my final writing class where I rewrite pretty much my entire novel from nothing. This is the fourth one of those.

It's the one I've been writing about for years. The one where the main guy marries an orc at the end, though in the last draft it isn't made super explicit that they're married. They just live together and have a kid. I guess he does call her his wife, though. That's pretty explicit.

I'm so tired of rewriting this thing, especially the opening chapters. But I'm about to do it again, because my tutor wants me to.

I'm also tired of being told over and over that I'm telling and not showing when I say things like "She felt horrible" or "He was happy about that" in the prose. Like, I'm sorry, man. I like putting names to my emotions in real life. Can I at least do it for the autistim-coded character who absolutely would stop and think about what he's feeling at any given moment because that's what I do when I start feeling overwhelmed by an emotion? I put a name on it? It's some cognitive behavioral therapy shit I learned years ago, or something like it, I did learn it years ago as part of therapy, at least.

I'm just tired in general.

I got a new furnace and AC. It cost me thousands of dollars. I had to get a loan. I'll be making payments on it for the next two years. That's part of home ownership, baby. It took several more days than it should have because someone from the city had to come check the work of the HVAC guys who installed it and he found a dang ol' gas leak in my basement, which, HEY, that's fucking terrifying. But it's fixed now. The guy came back today and verified it and everything.

It all sucks so bad.

If I keep automatically contributing to my 401k at my current rate, I might be able to afford to retire in my 60s, though, assuming I can keep working for that long. Assuming that the world is still inhabitable for me at that point. I honestly wonder sometimes, but who doesn't, these days, other than people already in their 60s or above?

I have no faith that my novel, when I finally publish it after half a dozen years or more of working on it, will sell even a hundred copies. It'd be cool if it does, and I'm going to work hard on it and hope that it does, but I don't think it will.

It doesn't even have a title and I've been working on it for four and a half years already. Christ.

Alright. That's all for now.

I have good days and bad days.

[thelikesoffinn]

fun fact! durge + animal handling = squirrel is fine! also, do u have trouble with characters just... not "behaving"? like, u make the character with the intention of them to act like X Y Z, but instead it feels most "right" for them to do A B C? bc what I ended up w is not what I had intended. got an idea on Reddit to recruit ONLY Astarion to see what dialogue he'd have with no one else there (surprising change: in every instance when I run into the group if githyanki by the bridge he has excitedly asked to kill them. not here. when it was just my Tav he actually wanted to LEAVE to be safe) so I figured, great, I'll just make this dude Astarion's Yes Man and do everything Mr. Sad Wet Cat wants! except... that isn't how it played out. I'd intended to either side w the goblins or ignore that whole thing, but I ended up saving the grove bc that felt like the right thing for my Tav. bc instead of a fanatical Astarion simp he's just a Tired Old Man trying to live quietly, keep his vampire twink out of the worst of the trouble he could be getting into, and find a cure for that same twinks brain worm. (a difficult job) he comes from a noble drow family where he was used as an experimental gladiator for 100s of years. trust a pack of goblins led by a drow lady to have a safe, reliable cure for Astarion? Lolth no, not a chance. so Halsin ended up recruited by default. :/ he just sits in camp tho. oh well, they can be a throuple. trying to wrangle Astarion is a full time job and he could use the help. this also means I need a different character to ascend Astarion, tho, bc this old man said "no, this will not make u happy".

Ho. Ly. Fuck.

I know exactly what you mean, that happens to me all the damn time! No matter if I'm writing a fic, making a character for any rpg or am working on one of my many drafts that will hopefully eventually turn into a book - my characters write their own stories. I have no say in the matter, none at all.

And yes, I'll have plans. But sometimes they're like "nah fuck this, I'm doing this instead" and I'm like: Well okay, you're the boss!

My durge Whisper, for example, was once supposed to be a very seductive - "Well, how tragic - how much is it worth to you?" - Trickster type lady. But the minute I got off the nautiloid it was like: Stoic as fuck, absolutely touch-averse unless it's Astarion, can't show love properly but will definitely beat up anyone who even dares to give the crew the stink eye because "who tf are you to look at my people like that". So that's who she is!

Characters just sometimes do whatever they want and I'm here for it because, let's be entirely honest: Those Characters always turn out the best.

[lampmanliveblogs]

Happy Halloween! I hope you’ve had a spectacularly spooky time! Me? Oh, you better believe I had the most frightening of days! I went to work. I know, I was terrified the entire time.

Nah, but Halloween has never been anything I really celebrate. The closest I got this year was watching that Soul Eater AMV and listening to some ”spooky” music on my way home from work today. If I feel like it, I might watch the Nelly Rapp movie. I’ve got it on DVD, but I’ve yet to watch it. And what better time to watch a movie about everyone’s favorite Monsteragent than on Halloween?

I’ve had a rough couple of days, I won’t lie. I wasn’t kidding when I said work was scary, cause bloody hell’s bells, it’s been A LOT to deal with. I work in this really big department store, an absolute unit of a store, a real superstore. And school’s out for the autumn holidays AND people got their pays recently. You can imagine the chaos, we had checkout lines going on for several meters.

This is all to say that I’ve been super tired and in a bad mood the last few days, so I haven’t had the energy to do much of anything. I did manage to do a rewrite of the story I posted a few days ago and it’ll be below the cut. I feel it’s fitting since it’s Halloween and it takes place on Halloween.

I don’t think I’m gonna publish it officially yet, I might want to take another look at it first… and I’ve given some thought to a potential second and even third chapter. We’ll see.

I still haven’t settled on a title yet.

Comparing this version with the first draft, you’ll notice that this one has been expanded a bit. I don’t often remove things between the first draft and the rewrite, I usually expand on stuff, which is what I did here. I’ll leave a few more notes at the end.

Enjoy!

Lamp Entertainment presents…

[Title]

Vee watched Luz and Camila disappear into the light of the portal. Off to save the Demon Realm from the evils Belos was bound to unleash with his return. The portal closed mere seconds after they crossed the threshold. 

Vee could still feel the scent of the spent magic lingering in the air. It was potent and powerful, but not unpleasantly so. The Titan’s own magic, such a primal, primordial force of nature that Vee doubted she could feed on it if she tried. It’d be a bit like a human trying to eat grass, if grass could also spontaneously explode. A bad idea.

She turned around to begin her walk back to civilization. A small smile played on her lips. Despite the difficulties they were bound to face in that realm, a realm Vee herself was not ready to return back to, she couldn’t help but feel optimistic. If any two people could handle Belos and The Collector, it’d be Luz and Camila, two of the coolest people Vee knew.

Well… they were at the very least in the top three of the list Vee kept of cool people she knew (admittedly, a pretty short one). One person in particular was very high up on that list. They were a stranger that Vee knew very well, a clueless fortune teller. Pretty as a picture, dancing the night away.

Vee felt her cheeks heat up, and she quickly shook her head to try and clear it. She could think about those feelings some other time. Maybe when Luz got back she could give her some advice. For now, she had to focus on getting mom’s car back ho-

Her eyes widened and she shoved her hands into her pocket. She had her phone and… that was it.

”Sho-ot!” she yelled at the sky. The moon looked down on her, it’s cold light coloring every shadow blue. ”Camila still has the car keys!”

Well. That was her good mood ruined. Vee grumbled curses under her breath the entire way back to the town square. The festivities had died down by now, only a few organizers left trying to clean up the worst mess before giving up and going home. She threw the car a dirty look, as if it was its fault that Camila had brought her car keys with her like some kind of responsible adult. Now she’d have to walk all the way home, get the spare, walk back here, and then finally drive the car home.

She stifled a yawn. Maybe she could wait until tomorrow?

Whatever. She had a lot of time to think about what she’d do next.

She walked along the streets of Gravesfield. By now, most trick-or-treaters had trick-or-retreated back home with their bounty. A few jack-o’-lanterns still spread some light onto the streets, alongside the streetlamps and other decorations. The buzz of the last few organizers cleaning up after the festivities at the town square disappeared fast behind buildings as Vee navigated around them.

Her nose was a lot sharper than her ears though and if she took a few deep breaths she could still make out some faint scents in the air. Pumpkin and spice, candy and exhaust fumes from the Haunted Hayride tractor.

In a somewhat ironic twist, because she was so focused on trying to discern those quickly fading smells, she missed the one in front of her. Once she did notice it, she stopped dead in her tracks.

”It’s you!” A voice that was unfortunately familiar to her called out in the night. It was Jacob Hopkins, the man from the Gravesfield Historical Society, standing there, right in front of her.

Vee froze in place. Of course. Of course she had been too optimistic in thinking she wouldn’t have to deal with that man again. When she burst through the doors at the GHS and realized he was gone, she had felt so relieved. Like he couldn’t hurt her anymore. It was foolish, because he was still around. Did she really think he’d move towns because he got kicked out of the history club?

Before she had time to run, Jacob marched up to her.

”It really is you!” he said again. ”I’d recognize those evil eyes anywhere! You’re my demon!” He grabbed her wrist.

”I-I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said and struggled to free her hand. She saw his eyes go wide and realized her mistake. ”Let go of me!” she said, this time imitating Willow’s voice, but it was too late.

”Don’t even bother trying to distort you voice, demon!” Jacob spat. ”I see right through your tricks! Where is the poor woman you had enchanted as your thrall? Did you eat her, you vile creature!?”

”No!” Vee cried. Hot tears threatened to flood her eyes, but behind that lied something else deep within her.

All her life she had been a prisoner, fettered, locked up and sealed away. Then she escaped and was on the run, always running. When she came to the Human Realm she was hiding, always terrified of slipping up and exposing herself. She was always ready, should the day come, to run again. Run, flee, hide, survive.

Not anymore. She has a great life here with a family and friends! Not just surviving, she’s living for something now! Who is Jacob to think he could take that from her? Did he really think he had just cornered the only wild animal that wouldn’t bite?

”Let go of me!” Vee repeated, this time with a hiss as she bore her teeth. Her teeth, which now looked less like the relatively dull incisors and vestigial canines of a human, and more like sharp fangs. The skin on her hands and wrists began to change too, hardening into tough scales while her fingernails turned into claws.

Jacob did look a bit worried when he spotted the teeth. But, be it because of bravery or stupidity (though Vee knew what she’d bet on), he didn’t relent. He held steadfast her wrist, intent on not letting his prize catch escape again.

”As if!” he said, while trying to make himself look bigger than he was. ”I’ll never let you go, monster!”

”Hey!” A third voice joined the growing chaos. Both human and demon turned their heads towards the voice, a voice that was familiar to them both, though more so to Vee. Despite the situation she found herself in, the basilisk felt a wave of relief wash over her. Suddenly, she knew things were going to be okay. Because who would come to her rescue other than Reality Check Camps very own Cabin 7?

Marco, dressed as a Frankensteiner, with his distinctive bangs covering his eyes. It was a wonder he saw anything at all, especially on this dim evening.

Samuel, dressed as a werwolf, albeit a werwolf with glasses. Apparently even lycanthropes are subject to bad eyesight.

And finally Masha, dressed as a witch. They were the spearhead of the trio, just as they were at summer camp. Always the first one to get them into trouble, only occasionally the one to get them out of it. This time, they arrived to help Vee out of trouble. It seemed that even though they were now strangers, Cabin 7 still had her back.

”What’s going on here?” Masha shouted, making Jacob flinch. ”Let go of her, you pervert!”

”Wha-no!” Jacob explained. He might’ve been some flavor of crazy, but even Jacob realized how bad things must look from an outsider’s perspective. And even he realized the consequences of that was not something he wanted to deal with. ”Y-you’ve got it around your back foot! This is not what it looks like!”

”Really? How about we call the police and ask them what they think it looks like!?” Masha yelled back. Marco and Sam stood by their sides, ready to back them up if things got ugly… well, uglier.

”I-it’s not like that at all!” Jacob said quickly, very keen on not getting the police involved. He looked around, as if the fuzz were hiding behind the corners, ready to jump him. ”Listen, uh… Sasha? No, no, was it… Vasha…? W-whatever, it doesn’t matter.” He yanked on Vee’s wrist, making her stumble forward.

”This is no mere girl!” he exclaimed. ”This is a demon! She has come from another world and has been living among us humans for months! And now her allies, the witches have come too! I’ve seen them perform their wicked magics! They’re not here right now, they must’ve gone back to their own world, but who knows when they’ll be back? You must help me contain this creature so we can warn the president! We’ll share the fame and fortune! I’ll even let you collab with me on Mewtube once my account gets restored!”

He smiled manically.

”If you don’t believe me, just look at her teeth! Look at her claws!” He held up Vee’s hand in the light of a streetlamp for the three teens to see.

It was a completely normal human hand with the soft nails so typical of humans. Vee smiled nervously, showing off a set of very normal human teeth.

At some point during his little monologue, Vee had realized that the best way out of this situation was to just let Jacob keep talking, so she had retracted her claws and dulled her teeth.

Masha, Samuel, and Marco shared a few glances with each other. Vee knew them well enough to follow along.

”This guy’s a loon,” Marco’s gaze said.

”I know you said he was a nutcase, but I didn’t realize it was this bad,” Samuel’s look said.

”Yeah, even I didn’t think it was this bad,” Masha said with one stare.

Samuel stepped forward.

”You’re crazy,” he said simply. Then he punched Jacob in the stomach.

Jacob made a funny sound as all the air was forcibly evicted from his lungs. He fell to the ground, holding his tummy, letting go of Vee in the process.

”Come on, let’s get away from this creep,” Masha said, taking Vee’s hand. They gently coaxed her into following then, not that Vee needed much convincing. They led her away from the gasping and writhing Jacob while Marco and Samuel stayed behind to make sure he did’t try to follow.

”Hey, I don’t think I got your name before?” Masha asked in what was an obvious attempt to distract Vee from what had just happened. ” We met at the GHS yesterday, remember? I’m Masha. I offered you a tour of the town.”

”Y-yeah, I remember,” Vee said. In the moment, she hadn’t realized just how fast and hard her heart was beating, or how ragged her breath had become. She took a few deep breaths to try and calm down, force her body to stop shaking. The danger was gone, no need for flight or fight right now. ”I’m Vee,” she said, finally remembering that she had to reintroduce herself to the friend that didn’t know her. ”And, uh… as much as I would like that tour, I think I just wanna go home at the moment,” she said in a feeble attempt at levity.

A small smile flashed on Masha’s lips.

”I saw your friends at the Haunted Hayride,” they said. ”I didn’t see you though. Too scary for ya?”

”I was staying home with mom,” Vee said, so focused on trying to stay calm that she let her mouth go on autopilot. It took her a moment to realize the slip-up and try backpedalling. ”Or, uh, I mean… aw, geez, I misspoke, I didn’t mean to say-”

”Hey, hey, calm down, it’s fine,” Masahs interrupted the panicking basilisk. They had reached a car parked in front of some small store. They opened the door to the passenger seat and made Vee sit down. ”Just take it easy. That creep didn’t hit you, did he?”

Vee shook her head and massaged her wrist. She could feel where he had squeezed her, though that wasn’t too bad. She had spent the better part of her first decade and half alive in chains, a little pain in her hands was no biggie. No, the thing that bothered her was that she could feel the smell of him on her. It was like a brand. She couldn’t wait to get home and wash it off her.

”I’m fine,” she said after a while.

”Are you sure?” Masha asked, sounding a bit skeptical. Not unwarranted, most normal people would probably be a bit more shaken than Vee was appearing. They probably thought she was in shock.

”Yeah, I’m sure, I promise.” Vee gave Masha  reassuring smile, but not too reassuring. ”He didn’t even grab me that hard. I was just a bit shocked. I mean, this was a lot, even for him.”

”Mmmm…” Masha hummed, their thoughts trailing off. ”I knew the guy was unbalanced, but not that he was this unhinged… what was he even talking about, demons and witches?”

”Haha, yeah, I know.” Vee’s laugh was stilted. ”What a nutcase.”

Marco and Samuel came walking back to the car.

”What a wimp,” Marco said. ”After you left he started crying. I think he’s stilly lying there on the ground.”

”Serves him right!” Samuel spat. ”He should be lucky to get off so lightly.”

”I tied his shoestrings together and threw his wallet up on the closest roof,” Marco added. The two boys hopped into the backseat of the car while Masha made it over to the driver’s seat. ”So he’ll have fun with that for a while.”

Vee couldn’t help but smile, the mental image of Jacob trying to scale a wall and falling down too funny not to laugh at.

”Should we call the police?” Samuel asked.

”N-no,” Vee said quickly. While the police might be interested in finding out that a man tried to abduct a girl, they would also be interested in finding out that said girl seemingly did not exist. ”I don’t think its necessary.”

Vee didn’t know it at the time, but she ended up being right. While trying to get his wallet back, Jacob woke and nearly scared the life out of the poor people living in the house. He ended up getting arrested for trespassing. It remains to be seen if he learned his lesson from that.

”Alright, if you’re absolute sure,” Masha said. ”Let me drive you home at least. Or do you have a ride?”

”I’d appreciate it,” Vee said. ”I, ah… missed my ride home.”

The ride back to the Noceda residence was spent mostly in silence, broken by Vee giving Masha directions when needed. Marco and Samuel also formally introduced themselves, unaware that Vee already knew them very well.

Vee had some time to think during the car ride. When Luz returned from the Demon Realm and reclaimed her life, Vee had stopped hanging out with her old cabin mates. With all the new friends in the house, she hadn’t really had the time to stop and think about how much she missed them. But, now they were together again, yet still separated by this new face and voice… it hit her, all at once. How much she missed them and how much she wanted to spend time with them. But she couldn’t, or… maybe…

”There you go, back home, safe and sound,” Masha said as she pulled up the driveway.

”Wait…” Marco said slowly, scratching his head. ”Isn’t this where Luz lives?”

”Yeah, I live here too,” Vee replied. ”I’m uh… well, you see… it’s complicated, but, ah.. Camila lets me live here.”

Out of the corner of her eye she could spot Masha looking at her. They were clearly remembering the comment Vee made before about her mom. They didn’t say anything.

Vee took a deep breath, gathering up all the courage she had. ”Grow a spine,” was the human saying. Vee was a snake, she had plenty of spine.

”Why don’t you guys come inside?” she said quickly, not giving herself enough time to chicken out. She was going to commit to this now.  ”I’d like to give you all a proper ’thank you’ for helping me out.”

There was some hesitation.

”It is getting pretty late and we were supposed to sleep at my parent’s house,” Masha said. ”But I’m sure they’d let us sleep at Mrs. Noceda’s house, right?”

”It should be fine, Samuel said, grabbing his phone to send his parents a text.

Marco shrugged and said ”I don’t care.”

”Sounds like it’s decided!” Ve said, a little too chipper and eager to get them inside. ”Come along!”

She lead them inside the mostly dark house and gestured for them to sit down on the sofa.

”Sit down, sit down, I’ll get snacks,” she said and hurried off to the kitchen. Her friends were left in the dust, looking around the messy living room. It looked like a whirlwind had swept through the house, with boxes of costumes strewn about.

In the kitchen, Vee was washing her hands while trying to work up the courage to go through with this crazy idea.

”Come on, you can do this,” she said while washing the stench of Jacob off her hands. She dried her hands off before gathering the snacks she had promised. This was going to take a while, she might as well give her guests something to chew on while she told them… what she was going to tell them. ”You escaped the emperor’s dungeons and evaded his scouts. You helped fight him tonights for Titan’s sake! You can tell your best friends a secret. It’s not hard. They won’t hate you… yeah! Us weirdos stick together, that’s the Cabin 7 way!”

”Hey, Vee?” Masha interrupted the disguised demon’s personal pep talk and nearly made her shed her skin at record speeds.

”Yes!” Vee almost yelled and spun around. ”Wh-what’s on your heart?”

”Is Luz home?” Masha asked. ”Cause we haven’t talked to her in ages…”

Masha’s usually confident eyes flickered down for a few seconds. It hurt Vee to see them without that characteristic confidence that she admired so much. They must be thinking that their friend Luz had abandoned them, left them for some new, cooler friends.

That sealed it in Vee’s mind. She was going to do this. She might come to regret this immediately afterwards, her friends might hate her, she might have to run and hide again… but she was going to do it. She couldn’t stand lying to them anymore, to cause them any amount of suffering. Not after all the kindness they had done to her.

”Yes… or, no,” Vee said, having taken just a little too long to answer. She grabbed the snacks and lead Masha out the kitchen. ”No, Luz is not home right now. She and Camila are away, it… it was a very sudden thing. Kind of an emergency.”

”…okay?” Masha replied, confusion on their face. They shared another few looks with Marco and Samuel. Vee realized that all things considered, she was acting very suspicious. It was Halloween after all. Someone acting this odd on an evening like this… watching horror films the night before, debating witches and folklore… it’s only natural that the unknown would trouble on a human’s mind.

”I’ll explain, I swear,” Vee assured them, not that it did a whole lot to ease their worried minds. If anything, it just made them more confused as to what was going on. ”But it’s a long story, so you might wanna sit down,” Vee continued and gestured to the sofa. The Cabin 7 Crew collectively hesitated before finally sitting down. Vee dumped the snacks on the coffee table and grabbed a chair for herself.

She felt around in her second stomach. She had absorbed a fair bit of magic from Belos during the fight. Amity and Willow had left plenty of abomination slime and enchanted plants behind. So she had a lot of leftover magic to scarf down on if need be. She could afford to show off a little.

”Have you guys noticed something… off with Luz lately?” she asked. ”In the last two months or so… almost like she became a different person overnight?”

Of course they had noticed, and Vee could tell based on their expressions when she asked that question. She also suspected that they had talked about it with each other. Not only had Luz more or less ghosted them and started hanging out with a bunch of strangers that no one knew, her personality had completely shifted. The Luz they knew from camp was gone… almost as if she had become a different person overnight.

”What I’m about to say next might sound insane, but I can guarantee you it’s the truth,” Vee said. ”All I’m asking is that you listen to me… and maybe don’t be too angry with me… okay?”

More glances were exchanged, glances of confusion and worry.

”Vee… what’s going on?” Samuel was the first one to speak up. ”Is… something wrong with Luz? What happened to her?”

Vee took a few quick, sharp breaths. She was about to go against every instinct in her basilisk brain, instincts ingrained into her very core by countless generations before her. Here goes nothing.

”Luz did become a different person overnight.” Vee was having to force herself not to speak too fast. She enunciated every word, trying to make sure there was no room for misinterpretation. ”Or rather, she became herself. You see, the Luz you met at summer camp wasn’t the real one. It was me. I was disguised as her and took her place. It was an accident, I didn’t mean to, but… well, I think is worked out for the better for both of us.”

Silence. The three Cabin 7 members sat opposed to her stared at her. Confused, bewildered, positively befuddled. Indeed, was this not an incredibly odd thing to be said by someone who wasn’t insane? 

”I… don’t get it.” Marco was the first one to speak. ”What do you mean you ’took Luz’ place?’”

”I know it’s probably a bit hard to believe, I mean, me and Luz don’t exactly look or sound alike,” Vee said, a small smile on her lips. ”But what about now?” she said, speaking with the voice of Luz.

The Cabin 7 Crew sat still as rocks while their brains tried to process what was going on.

Vee giggled.

”S-sorry, but you guys look so funny,” she said, sounding exactly like Luz from camp. She stood up from her chair and spun around in place, transforming into a spitting image of Luz. No, not a splitting image, the original image. Because that was Luz from camp. ”How about now? Do you believe me now?”

Masha gripped the armrest of the sofa so hard their nails threatened to rip the fabric.

”Explain,” they demanded. ”Right now.”

”Sure thing, though it’s a long story, which is why I brought snacks,” Vee said, shifting back to her regular human form, but with a slight adjustment to make her ears more obvious. She decided against reverting back to her true basilisk form just yet. It was probably for the better if she eased her friends into it.

She cleared her throat.

”What Jacob said before was true. Well, kinda…’even a broken clock is right twice a day,�� I think the saying goes. There is a world beyond this one. A world of magic, and witches, and demons. Demons like me. I’m a basilisk.”

Masha raised their hand.

”No, you won’t die if you look at my true form,” Vee said.

Masha lowered their hand.

”That was a rumor started by witches because… well, you see, we basilisks eat magic, that’s how I can transform.” Vee paused to think for a second. Her captivated audience waited with bated breaths. ”You know what, this probably isn’t the best order to take things. Let’s start with Luz, on that fateful day while she was waiting for the bus to take her the horrible summer camp. As she stood waiting, she spotted a strange owl which she followed into an abandoned house in the woods…”

The End… or is it?

xxXXxx

Author’s Notes

…even more of them

The Lampman tries not to worldbuild in one of his fanfics challenge. Level: impossible.

Probably my favorite line in this was ”Did he really think he had just cornered the only wild animal that wouldn’t bite?” though the ”trick-or-retreated” line is a close second, I thought I was really clever there.

You might’ve noticed I changed ”Marco” and ”Samuel’s” costumes around. I have a reason for this, but I won’t explain it. You might wonder about the term ”Frankensteiner.” It’s from the books about Nelly Rapp by Martin Widmark (illustrations by Christina Alvner). Nelly Rapp is a monster agent, a person who deals with monsters and other supernatural beings. Her first mission has her take on the cold-hearted debt collector Robert Steen, a Frankensteiner.

A Frankensteiner is basically a Frankenstein’s monster, a human made up from separate parts  (it’s a kids book, so they never explain exactly where the separate parts come from). They are often kept isolated from humanity and thus don’t develop a connection between their hearts and minds.

After spying on Robert, Nelly finds out that he has two left feet, and that he must be in constant pain from walking. So she manages to trick him into getting a foot massage. With his pain alleviated, he becomes a better person, even getting engaged with the masseuse.

In the next book, Nelly (with some help from her loyal dog London) cures two werewolves from their lycanthropy with vegetarian sausage, the power of laughter, and a strong lamp.

ANYWAY, one of the things I was very conscious about with this story was trying to make sure every member of the Cabin 7 Crew got to do something. It’d be very easy to have Masha be the only one doing stuff since, you know… they’re the only one with a name. Or personality. Also a ship, and fanfic writers love their ships almost as much as they love putting A Guy in a Situation (did i use this meme right?).

I sometimes steal take inspiration from song lyrics while writing. Usually, this is because I happen to be listening to that song while writing. Living in America by The Sounds doesn’t really have anything to do with anything, but it was on while I was editing, so Masha gets to be ”pretty as a picture, dancing the night away.”

A more obvious example is a few lines I stole borrowed from Fear of the Dark by Iron Maiden. ”Watching horror films the night before, debating witches and folklore, the unknown troubles on your mind.” Great song for driving home from work on a dark autumn evening.

So yeah, I would say this story shaped up pretty well. Let me know what you guys think. until next time, take care of the planet Earth, and remember that anything can happen in space!

[melancholy-marionette]

The Shuddering Releasing Later Tonight (hopefully x3) - then I will go cry myself to sleep T_T

Sooo, I'm gonna do my best to still release my O2A2 project later tonight like I'd hoped to, buuuut, my PC is now defunct AGAIN >.< Firstly, *puts on happy face* meet Styx! Voiced by the incredible - Vivian Reed :D

Styx may have a feminine appearance with an androgynous (but feminine-leaning) voice, but, being non-human, doesn't actually have a gender!

Styx is the only entity you'll encounter in The Shuddering, and is almost a little too pleased to see you!

*reverts back to sad face*

Sooo, yeah, I currently don't have a working PC again T_T Thankfully, I was able to export builds of The Shuddering prior to it becoming unusable, but if there are any bugs, I won't have a way of fixing them :(

I'm now attempting to finish off the itch page & draft posts on the old potato laptop once again!

This is the 2nd new PC that's been sent to me after the 1st one was faulty and had to be returned, and as of yesterday morning, it is stuck in an endless cycle of BSODs with all different error codes. During troubleshooting, the memory diagnostics tool also flags critical errors with the RAM. The 2nd PC has been kinda dodgy since day 1 with it randomly failing to boot some days + audio crashing randomly and then refusing to play any media files with sound. It also hangs randomly when just browsing Windows Explorer.

I did contact customer support to try and get help with the issues, but they just told me to do a CMOS reset, which sounded terrifying >.< I don't wanna touch any of the components inside the PC cos I worry I would break them!

Since I was in the middle of otome/josei jam, I just left things as they were and did my best to put up with the weird crap going on with the PC, making backups each night out of paranoia. My hope was that I would make it through the jam okay and that maybe the issues would improve somehow. But nope, they just got worse >.< Now I'm stuck with a PC I can't even use. Sometimes it refuses to boot entirely, others, it boots, but then only stays on for 5-20 minutes before it dies again. I spent most of the day (and night) troubleshooting, but nothing helps.

Customer support says it's probably gonna be a case of sending it back again for repair... but I would really just prefer to have a refund at this point :( They've sent out 2 now that don't work properly. Why would I have any faith left that a 3rd would be better?

I just want my money back so I can buy a PC from somewhere else that might actually send one that works. Actually getting the company to refund me is going to be a battle though I imagine. One that I'm really too tired to fight :( I don't have a choice though because the stupid thing took me years to save up for, so I don't have the luxury of just letting it go.

I swear I should have just demanded a refund right away when the first one they sent me sounded like a goblin revving up a chainsaw was living inside the case as soon as you powered it on >.<"

Anyways, sorry, just needed to vent because I'm stressed and devastated at the moment by it all. It took so long to transfer all my files and stuff over, and I've lost a small amount of project data for both LOVESTARVED & The Shuddering :( My paranoia backups mean most stuff is safe for now, but it's still frustrating to lose anything.

Here's to hoping the poor potato can at least hold out to launch The Shuddering later! x3 But first, I need a big break because I feel sick at this point, haha.