#not defending SB here he’s just as bad but that was a weird take to me

[birdnonsense]

Saw someone arguing that soldier boy was worse than homelander which in itself is fair but their reasoning was not any of the atrocities SB has committed but rather bc they thought HL desire for a family was wholesome. Like ‘he’s a good parent to Ryan’ bro he pushed the child off of a roof to test if he was a supe? You think he’d give one single shit about that boy if he didn’t have the same powers as him?

At least when Soldier Boy pushed him into a filing cabinet the asshole knew he had superpowers and had a (piss poor) reason for being mad at the kid.

If you don’t think Soldier Boy is redeemable (and he probably isn’t) then Homelander definitely isn’t either? Like? He let a plane full of people (including at least one child) die and refused to let Maeve save the kid because it would harm his image. He’s not a good person or a good parent

[fireemblems24]

Golden Wildfire Ch 11

On we go to ch 11. Things are . . . uh . . . interesting.

MAIN STORY

So if you didn't see ch 10, I failed to recruit Byleth. I retried the level a few time, but honestly I just want to finish this game so I didn't bother.

Plus, the reason I failed was that Claude just sat there instead of moving forward on the escort mission, which got really frustrating, and honestly I didn't want to bother.

Ugh, I don't want to fight the Kingdom.

So those Houses that wanted to defect to the Kingdom didn't because Claude's battle was that bloody in that fire map.

Poor Dimitri and co seems like he's just betting bullied for no real reason by two imperialistic maniacs.

I love how Arval is getting snooty over Shez getting credit for their tactics lamo.

Man, this dialogue is dragging.

So Nadar is going to cause diplomatic chaos by utilizing the Almyran army without getting real permission.

Wait, Claude riled up Sreng? So much for "ending racism" lamo. Wasn't having two cultures not be prejudice against each other like his MO? The writers really just threw him in the trash, hunh.

I feel so bad for Claude fans. He's really a piece of work in this.

MAP/SIDE STUFF

Everyone missing Judith has a lot more punch than Randolph. Even Monica was like "get over it" to Fleche (but nicely).

So, let me make sure I have this right. Mr. I Want to End Prejudice Between Cultures just provoked Sreng into attacking the Kingdom so Edelgard can take it over because Rhea is the reason for everything bad. Did I get that right?

Unlike SB, GW is entertaining as hell, but man is the logic here is just non-existant. And poor Claude RIP.

Like, I know I'm biased and all, but I don't see how you're supposed to be the heroes and not Dimitri here. The people just defending themselves are getting attacked on all 3 fronts for the crime of *existing.*

Not going to lie. I kinda wish Claude didn't side with you in AG either. It would've been hype to kick everyone's ass as Dimitri after getting cornered by all these land-grabbers.

GW!Claude is really just the mean girl's sidekick. 😂

If Felix and Rodrigue die in this chapter I swear to God . . . (I just remembered Rodrigue is dead in SB now 😭 - LET THIS MAN SURVIVE).

I had to fight Felix in a side mission. Lysithea said they had to "defend this place" - like, girl, you are invading.

When the challenge is "you can't dodge" but you're using Lorenz 😌👌 (FYI, he just does not take damage in this game)

SHEZ & HILDA A SUPPORT

They're talking about how Hilda exerted energy in a battle because she worried about Shez.

Hilda claims it's just self-defense bc she was cheering for Shez on the front lines and enemies were there (honestly, this is pretty boring so far)

It's the same-old Hilda claiming she's weak but that not being true.

SHEZ & CONSTANCE C SUPPORT

I know she's an Empire character, but whatever.

She wants to create new magics to restore her noble house and wants to research Shez bc of their weird magic

Lamo, Constance low-key called us dumb

Shez suggests she get her house back through military accomplishments.

Constance refuses to train right now, she wants to at night (it's her dual personality thing, right?)

CLAUDE & LYSITHEA B SUPPORT

Their first one. Claude's unhappy Lysithea charged in the last battle. But Lysithea kicked ass, so she's upset with Claude.

Claude calls her plan dumb and that he thought Lysithea was smarter than that. Lysithea still argues it ended earlier bc of her.

Lysithea doesn't back down.

Honestly, I side with her here. Claude's being patronizing. And it's rich of him not to care about all the other deaths dragging out the battle would cause and only Lysithea dying because she's *important*

CLAUDE & HOLST A SUPPORT

Oof, this one hurts. Claude accuses the church of creating all the systems to serve their own interests, because he doesn't know the truth here. That the Empire actually created most of it, and that all the church ever did was protect a genocided race from being murdered by more power-hungry humans.

It's also hysterical to hear Claude talk about wanting to improve foreign relations while instigating a war between two cultures.

Oof, Holst doesn't care about any of this. He's only worried Claude's going to send Hilda to marry a big, brown, scary foreigner. NOT a good look.

Holst says he cares more about Hilda's future than the whole Alliance. Yikes.

HILDA & HOLST A SUPPORT

They're preparing a feast.

Oh, it's nice to see Hilda's insecurities about Holst's "perfection" come up in this, bc so far she hadn't said much.

After that last support though, Holst is actually a pretty shitty leader.

Holst wants to make the feast all about Hilda instead of himself though. Hilda likes the attention.

Hilda basically had to set up her own feast lol.

HILDA & LINHARDT A SUPPORT

Hilda's cleaning, and Linhardt's honestly upset that he's lost a fellow lazy person.

Hilda claims she never pushes work on people. That, is a lie.

Linhardt is mostly worried how bad it'll look if he's the only one not working instead one of two.

All this support confirms that Linhardt is by far the superior lazy.

LORENZ & LYSITHEA A SUPPORT

Their only support.

So, not related to their support (and watch it counter it), but I find it pretty amusing how getting a leadership position faster matured Felix and Sylvain, but Lorenz is still a bit of a joke and the butt-end of every support he's in.

He's just bragging about how awesome his position and power is.

Lysithea says she's not inheriting her house. She claims it's because she doesn't like what comes with nobility, but we all know why.

She worried that the land will go to chaos without it's leaders though. Lorenz offers help (which, imo, he's actually mature here!)

Lorenz suspects she's turning it down for another reason and encourages her to rely on others to help.

RAPHAEL & LEONIE B SUPPORT

Raphael keeps snapping bows in half when he uses them. Leonie's shocked.

Leonie seems to actually make one and invites Raphael to test it while on guard duty with her.

IGNATZ & MARIANNE B SUPPORT

Marianne found his picture. He puts it down, but she likes it (it's a horse, well a pegasus, but of course)

Ignatz gets carried away talking about it, but Marianne finds it cute.

Ignatz finds Marianne loving pegasus cute. She blushes.

He wants Marianne's help, helping him paint a pegasus bc they don't like men, but if Marianne is around he can get closer and get a better painting. She's happy to help.

Honestly, this whole support is really cute.

MAIN BATTLE/STORY

It sucks having to attack the Kingdom over and over again when all they want to do is exist in peace.

Oh, joy, Nadar wants to plunder Faerghus. I can see why Fodlan is so evil for not wanting to let them do what they will.

GW really had a chance here to finally do something interesting with Almyra. It even marketed itself as a route that WOULD. But instead it's just doubled-down on Almyra being a one-note lawless place full of barbarians. At least we have Brigid and Duscur so the only brown country isn't some racist stereotype. Since it's only 1 of 3, it's not AS bad of a look.

Fuck. I don't want to kill Felix and Rodrigue. It would be one thing if the Kingdom actually provoked this, but Felix and Rodrigue haven't done anything to deserve this.

I get to recruit Ashe again. Is he miserable here too?

Ugh, I was hoping Felix and Rodrigue weren't here. It seems vastly unfair that it's only Kingdom characters who die for reel in this.

Wow. Claude's really an A-class asshole. He told Ashe to surrender because Dimitri wouldn't want him to die. Maybe don't invade for no reason then?

Is Claude also going to single Felix out as a citizen of Faerghus who deserves to live? Or does only Ashe count and not the nobles and unnamed grunts he's slaughtering because he decided to team up with the person who plans on taking over his rule? (not hate to Ashe at all, I honestly feel awful for him in this game)

Ok, so fighting Felix is just a side quest. I'd rather fail a side quest than fight Felix so, going to try to avoid having to kill him. Ugh, he's attacking the engineers. And he's damn right saying he has every right to kill the people who are invading his home.

Thank God, he just retreated.

I still love how Claude got bent out of shape over Ashe, but Lorenz alone has killed 500 citizens of Faerghus this chapter so . . .

Felix is so worried about Rodrigue. I swear the writers wanted you to feel like shit playing this route.

Oh, fuck. Just when I thought I was finished killing people for defending themselves, Daddy Gautier shows up :( He's sacrificing himself to safe Felix and Rodrigue, isn't he?

Oh, fuck. He died for real 😭

It's really hard to like these characters, making mindless chit-chat after killing Sylvain's daddy. I hope Sylvain fucks them up a new one.

I've never wanted to slap a character more than I'd love to slap Claude right now. The moron has the audacity to be surprised people are going to die while he's invading a foreign country. What a fucking stupid moron.

He's also blaming - get this right - chivalry.

I'm like. I'm speechless right now.

That's right guys. Margrave Gautier died defending his king, his country, his home, and most importantly one of his fucking best friends from an asshole invader. But it's CULTURE'S fault he died.

I'm really confused what the hell Claude thinks he's doing. Does he REALLY think killing Rhea will magically allow people to live as they please? Didn't he grow up in another country where they had princes and shit and NO Rhea?? All he's doing is making Edelgard's take over easier.

This is starting to feel like a borderline spoof. Look at us end the war by invading another nation!!! I mean???

What's his plan? Kill everyone in Faerghus - profit - "freedom" from Rhea - Edelgard takes over - no profit???

The writing in this route has gotten really fucking stupid. Like, I LIKE the idea of evil!Claude. Either a Claude who wants to take over all of Fodlan or one who's ruthless and will do anything to preserve Leicester.

But what I don't like is really fucking dumb Claude, which is what GW's devolved into.

Oh, God, now we get a flashback between father and son. Sylvain and Gautier :(

Sylvain better not be fucking recruitable in this route.

Now Sylvain's in charge 😭😭😭😭

I'm convinced someone who's a major Edelgard stan wrote the larger plot of this, but then a Dimitri stan wrote the actual dialogue 😅

We really go from one moment Claude being like - it's Rhea's fault Gautier died bc Kingdom culture bad because church bad to Sylvain being like, naw, he died defending his friends.

At the very least, I'll give Hopes credit here. At least they didn't write anyone opposing Edelgard as either evil or like they're idiots for resisting invasion, but I almost feel like they made the Kingdom especially too sympathetic which makes Edelgard look more interesting (since SB is more honest than CF) and Claude just look like a bozo. Rhea just doesn't look like anything since she's not even here.

Though, I REALLY wish Claude didn't side with us in AG. I really wish we got to see Faerghus backed into a corner and kick everyone's asses. They've very much the underdog and watching them do that would've been awesome.

Felix and Rodrigue are beating themselves up over this.

See, this is what I mean - Sylvain just said he's reserving all his hatred for the foreign invaders who take everything for no reason - I really feel like a Dimitri fan saw how everyone collectively decided to take a dump on the Kingdom in the big plot and got revenge by making everyone look like villains (or morons in Claude's case) for doing so in the writing.

xxx

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Hey I imagine you might want to move on from that whole thing now, but just want to add on how weird it was the person overlooked the fact that, IIRC neither Megan or Dinah (or any of the women Wally hit on) ever *objected* or seemed bothered by his comments, as fratbroy as they might be, yet we also saw Artemis hit on Superboy, who DID express discomfort, and when called on making him uncomfortable she brushed it off and continued to do it. Not to attack Artemis, she was my favourite YJ character, and I actually disliked how much YJ played up Wally's wannabe ladies man thing (TBH I disliked how YJ handled him in general, but I digress), but we can't call Wally gross and take offence to his actions when none of the people he 'hurt' were ever actually bothered, especially when overlooking how Artemis was just as guilty of that 'unwanted flirting'. They also overlook the context of the time period; S1 was over a decade ago now (fuck), and it was only around 2017 we as a society decided 'sexual harassment isn't funny'; sitcoms were still pushing characters who were literal sex offenders as 'lol funny guys' and being presented as inoffensive 'standard comedy', and the comic relief character being an annoying flirt was standard practice; just look at Beast Boy, comics!Superboy, Tony Stark, Star-Lord, etc. From what I remember, YJ!Wally was playing up a persona he thought made him look cool (ostensibly so he could grow out of it), and what we saw of his life outside of being Kid Flash he was a nerdy kid without many non-hero friends, so him being a flirt was definitely a part of him trying to pass himself off as a capable ladies man despite his lack of experience dating (similar to Artemis' own flirting as a way of playing herself as a 'cool bad girl' type), and he was likely taking it from the sort of 'heroes' young boys would have idealised in those days. The OP seems to forget Wally was literally a child in the first season.

Yep, totally agree. They had a lot of logical fallacies in their argument, it wasn't even coherent half the time lol.

They were real mad that I didn't make posts like this about Kaldur, even going on to say that I was racist for not doing so, and it's like??? I have literally never seen Kaldur hate in my life, idk wtf they're on about. And if I did??? I wouldn't be okay with that! Because Kaldur is great! But guess what?? I'd use the exact same arguments I used to defend Wally to defend Kaldur in this fictional scenario because they were literal teenagers and literally all of them made mistakes.

That's what the character growth is for 🙄

But yeah, I agree with what you are saying here. Artemis made lewd comments about Conner, Dick was nonstop flirty with Zatanna, M'gann shapeshifted into Black Canary to make out with Conner (without his knowledge), Kaldur held a torch for a woman who didn't love him and never had, ect. They all acted like teenagers because they were.

Also, yeah, M'gann literally never told him to stop. Wally wasn't the best at picking up social cues, so he didn't know she was into SB. And then when he knew they were dating? He stopped. (Cept for the nicknames but that wasn't flirting, that was Wally trying to help her self esteem)

Also Dinah? He hit on her once, she made it abundantly clear that she didn't like that and he stopped.

But anyway there was no use trying to reason with them. Their blog is full of racist bs and general ableism. The second they told me to commit suicide was the second I knew it was a lost cause even talking to them.

[alphadrg]

Timeline of Absalon/Distra going from ok to absolutely not ok what happened to you

Age 0-11 (before Ferndale’s disaster): A brat. Always with his mother and very shy. But he is a good boy (tm). Is the kid to go out and pick flowers to bring back to his mother. Likes to chase sheep and is a pretty carefree kid. Dreams in becoming a knight and maybe a dragoon. 

Age 11-13 (post-Ferndale disaster): Extremely not ok and very reserved and distant. Doesn’t really want to be with anyone else and is very secluded. Will only participate in events if he has to. Sees his adopted mother more has just someone who takes care of him and feels like a burden. Mega survivor’s guilt and thinks he’s the only one left of Ferndale. Will not speak to people unless spoken too. Beginning of his obsessive hatred of dragons. Small rumor mill starts up in the tribes that he’s a bad omen because he was found covered in blood. Adoptive mom can’t do much to stop it because she hasn’t caught anyone in the act of speaking it.

Age 13-15: Meets Distr’a and opens up a little more to him. Considered his first friend in the village. Distr’a begins to get Absalon to become more social and open up to more people and defends him from the rumor mill. Less brooding but still has survivor’s guilt which no one in the village including his adoptive mother bring up. Becomes less and less talkative about his life BEFORE Ferndale and refuses to talk about Ferndale as a whole. Starts to alienate himself from his Ishgardian heritage but still clinging onto the small parts of his life before Ferndale (ie: house ring, religion). Hatred of dragons still a simmering boil but more in line with casual vengeance. 

Age 15-20 (gets scar): Basically lives his life as a Keeper. Opens up to his mother more and sees her as his Mother. Completely has disregarded his Ishgardian heritage, but still longs to go home and be with his real family. Never has completely grieved over them and still suffering from survivor’s guilt. Gets his scar from the dragon Naul which is the hammer that nails in his seething hatred of dragons. Trains in secret to become strong enough to kill dragons. Distr’a learns of this and pleads with Absalon to fight not for vengeance but to protect others. Absalon agrees if only to please his then boyfriend, but only helps in making the rage stronger down the years.

Age 20: Distr’a and Absalon leave the Keeper tribe and work to hunt down marks. Both become elite hunters and Absalon hones his skills as a SMN/SCH and LNC. Distr’a and Absalon marry, though unofficially. 

Age 21-25: Pretty uneventful. Garlemald begins to move in and Distr’a and Absalon start to hunt less and begin to do more odd jobs. Echo forms around here, but its still rather dormant.

Age 26 (1.0): Distr’a and Absalon take a seemingly harmless hunt which brings them face to face with a dragon. Absalon triggered by the memories of Ferndale, goes into a blind frenzy and mutilates the dragon. Distr’a and Absalon argue and split up, only for Distr’a to be killed by a passing Garlemald patrol. Absalon kills the patrol and overcome with the grief of his husband AND family, swears to kill every dragon. The rage which he kept hidden for years comes out in full and otherwise timid personality he had turns into a raging monster. Takes his husband’s name in his grief and completely rids himself of any last ounce of his Ishgardian persona. Echo manifests in full.

27-30: Becomes a solo elite hunter. Word spreads of how he basically massacres dragons. Otherwise uneventful. Often keeps to himself because of the Echo and actively avoids being with people for too long.

31 (ARR): Is recruited into the Scions to kill primals and pushes his hate into Primal killing (again, massacring primals). Meets Alberic and becomes a Dragoon finding it an even BETTER way to kill dragons. Meets Estinien and tries to find some connection/companionship because ‘this person knows me from before I became this’ which inadvertently makes Distra see that he’s becoming a mindless beast like a dragon (in his eyes) because of how DIFFERENT Distra’s self is compared to the sweet young lad he was versus now. Nail in THAT coffin is Estinien trying to kill Alberic and learning the truth. Decides not to become a Dragoon in order to kill more dragons, but to do it to protect people as his husband originally wished. STILL HATES DRAGONS, but now giving them peaceful deaths instead of massacring them. Rage is still taken out on Primals.

HW: All of the unsung grief and identity issues come back in full and is spent disassociating or outright avoiding people/certain conversations. Begins to crack underneath the weight of being back home but being so far removed from his heritage that he doesn’t know what to do. DRK helps in giving him some modicum of peace and as HW progresses he too begins to fully accept and cope with his hate. Still rejects his Ishgardian heritage and keep people at an arm’s length but is beginning to actually make peace with himself. Tiamet helps him cope in a weird way. Cannot bring himself to talk about Ferndale still.

SB: Zenos challenges his resolve which in turn makes Distra’s rage rear its ugly head with it being an extremely raw and sore spot for him still. Distra actively welcomes Zenos’s battles as it helps him not have to think about all the terrible things he has to think about even if for a little bit. However, seeing Zenos die actually leaves Distra worse for wear and goes off to do some soul searching. DRK helps him handle his grief and goes off on an adventure with Orh Kai (DRG/DRK70 essentially) and the whole thing brings Distra a little closer to peace and being able to grieve like a proper human being. Hatred for dragons closes off into wary/unrest, still has straying thoughts of wanting to kill them, but is otherwise a little closer to peace. Still nervous about Ishgard and reclaiming his identity, and does not want to talk about who he really is.

SHB: (DABS) THIS IS WHERE WE INSERT FUN WACKY RP TIMES IN. LETS GO WILD. LETS GO FERAL. LETS DO THIS.

[junker-town]

No sports, no fun

Getty Images

Good bye, maybe.

I’m afraid I won’t ever feel again the way I did on Nov. 4, 2000, when I was not yet 13 years old and the pain was new and all-consuming. I loved sports so much it hurt, and that love bore bitter fruit when Anthony Thomas fumbled a football for no good reason, and Michigan lost to Northwestern, 54-51, in the most stunning game I can remember.

I couldn’t question the feeling, nor did I think it could be questioned; my amygdala pulled its trigger and I buried my face as deeply as I could into our cold, wave-patterned couch in the next room. My shock even erased the memory of the steps I took. I remember the twin feelings of a cold couch on my face and injustice. Or maybe not quite injustice, but something unfair. It didn’t feel targeted. For the first time maybe, I felt impersonal, unmotivated and heavy cruelty.

Thomas was a football player of mythic proportions, a torso of concrete and legs made thick just from making sure his upper half didn’t topple over. He was marvelous, and at all times mildly disappointing, a perfect picture of inefficient smashmouth football just before the sport discovered better ideas. Thomas carried the ball 37 times for 199 yards, but he was outdone by Damien Anderson, who rushed for 268 yards on 31 carries in a Randy Walker offense that was one of the first examples of spread football on a big stage.

That game would come to be known as one of the most influential in college football history because of the way an underpowered team shocked another team of Thomas-ian proportions. But lost in the final score is the way Thomas fumbled. He broke through the line for what should have been a game-winning first down, then he simply dropped the ball.

There was and is nothing to be learned from that. The whole was instructive; the details were not. Michigan would have won but Thomas dropped the ball, and then I hurt and I couldn’t make it stop.

I obsessed over that play. At the time, I obsessed over every aspect of Michigan football. I remember falling asleep thinking about Michigan’s ongoing high school recruiting class, its deficiencies and how the current commitments might shape the team. I used to take a football out to our front lawn and play out the upcoming games drive by drive, hucking the ball up in the air and running under it to make a big catch. If I was feeling generous, I’d give the opposition a rare interception. On a related note, I was a pretty lonely kid.

Before I developed a better relationship with sports, I approached them almost exclusively as something my team either won or lost. I decided I ought to take them very seriously, to the extent that everyone should think of me as a person who knew sports. I wanted to have the best answer to every question; I wanted to be a vessel of knowledge that others would rather submit to than challenge.

At the time, it seemed like a hobby. Now I know I was compensating for being a pipsqueak in every other regard. The problem, either way, was how much I had staked my confidence in being right.

In college, I took an internship at a fantasy sports website and learned how dumb I was. I found out there are people who seem to know every bit about everything — things like baseball — who could not only hold a greater mass of information in their brains than me, but could also do so without being an uptight dick about it.

What I should have learned was that caring about things intrinsically, and not for egotistical reasons, opens up our capacity to both know and love more about the world. Instead, I felt like I was drowning, like every moment more evidence was piling on top of me about what a fraud I was, faster than I could claw from under it.

I wondered if I could say I loved sports like I used to, or if I ever loved them to begin with. That period showed me a couple things: 1) That I could bull shit anything in writing, and 2) maybe I should readjust my relationship with sports.

I never stopped wanting to be a sportswriter, which I’ve wanted to be my whole life. But I also picked up a knack for editing, the process of turning your first thought into your best thought, of shaping and shielding and censoring an unvarnished self. That unvarnished self was often a truer self, perhaps. But it didn’t sing, and it never won.

I consider SB Nation my first real job, though when I started it only paid $1 more per hour than the fantasy gig. The difference was at SB Nation I saw a path to who I newly wanted to be. Which is to say, I started chasing a sense of superiority on moral grounds.

Working at SB Nation has never not been exciting, but my first and maybe last thrill was getting to say I worked with Spencer Hall. He’d become my favorite writer by crafting guttingly funny and guttingly poignant things about college football. A universe unfolded out of EDSBS.com, one that was weird and empathetic and antagonistic towards the capital-S Sportswriter lens and voice. Reading him gave me a physical sensation like my belly was made of splintered wood and a family of feral critters was tearing through, and that I ought to be happy for them.

I’ve read Spencer’s 2011 essay GOD’S AWAY ON BUSINESS dozens of times now and it never fails to scare the shit out of me.

None of this matters now. The man or woman in the desk is gone. They will not be returning anytime soon. Outside there are men roaming the streets. No one’s wondering who’s in charge, and that’s why the doors are locked, and the children inside quivering. When the desk is empty, it means anarchy is at your door. There are no permissions or courtesies. Shit just happens, and it happens all the time, and there’s no stopping it until everything you have is gone and bouncing out the door on the shoulders of thieves.

God, or anyone like him, is away on business.

I started aping Spencer then, and I’m still aping him now, though I feel more like myself. Mimic something long enough and you might accidentally discover some of the substance that makes the aesthetic work.

SB Nation taught me a better way to love sports. That what is true and good wasn’t in the results — on the field, or off where discourse boiled down to soggy debate — but in the ephemera. It was in baseball players taking pitches right to the beans.

SB Nation was dedicated to silliness and inclusivity. It highlighted the good people that sports elevated on rare occasions. It never fought along the chauvinistic battle lines that can feel like a mandatory part of fandom; in fact, it emphatically ignored them. And yet even after a decade-plus of existence, people still get upset when we suggest sports don’t have to be experienced in rote, tribalistic ways. Typically all you have to do is check the replies.

We never stated this mission very clearly, which has always kinda been a problem. Probably the problem. But if you paid attention, you saw it reiterated in countless ways. (Just click a letter, and note that none of these people work here anymore.) GOD’S AWAY ON BUSINESS was my value set among the many options, however. It told me that what we love most sometimes isn’t scored; that everyone has a responsibility to define and find joy for themselves, even if it may be outside the rules; and that to invest oneself in wonder and silliness also means taking on the duty to defend them.

At SB Nation I learned I didn’t have to identify by sports. I could have a relationship with them, I could be objective towards them, and I could turn them off. I learned that I have a self outside of what I like.

Working here has forced me to look back and figure out what I truly loved about sports. So far I’ve found two things: Charles Woodson, and the way sports helped a shy kid introduce himself. For me, sports’ best utility has been the way they facilitate genuine connection. Which is almost funny, because we know now the extent that sports are artificial by how easily they’ve disappeared.

But to know that sports have had some importance in one’s life is proof they can’t be trivial. They are real in the fact that we choose to empower them. The score has never mattered. Sports live because we give them life.

I don’t always feel good about that fact. Although I’ve come to terms with being mildly stupid, and I’ve gotten better at appreciating things intrinsically, I still often hate that sports are integral to me and that I’ll leave this mortal coil defined by something that never gave me agency.

There’s an image I’ll never shake. My last visit with my grandfather as he lay on the bed he’d die on. He was person I’ve perhaps wanted to emulate most in this world. A French history professor. The funniest, most considerate person I knew. He made everyone feel heard. I said this at his funeral:

He always paused before he laughed, turning over what you said and taking even the bad jokes and finding their point of redemption. Funny enough, this was a sign that he took you seriously, that he thought what you said mattered, even if you were five years old and nothing you had ever said to that point had ever been important. And because he laughed with you, you couldn’t help but laugh along side.

Just a month or two before I saw him among his final days, prostrate, suffering terribly from dementia and barely able to speak. He no longer embodied the self he had curated over 85 years. I talked to him about Michigan football because that had been the thing we talked about the most. He responded only in smiles and hmphs. I didn’t know if he retained anything I said until I started to leave the room. He said the last words I’d ever hear him say: “Go Blue.”

The image that haunts me isn’t my grandfather: Every memory of him makes me love him more, and I’m more grateful than words can say that in our last interaction we felt connected and happy.

Rather it’s my imagination, seeing myself dissolved layer by layer, body and soul disappearing. What would be left in a reduction of my experiences, love, regrets and relationships that I cultivated or destroyed? It might be sports’ afterimage, an outline of Anthony Thomas.

I feel sports’ absence. Maybe I’ve become accustomed to a constant hum of play, or maybe this pandemic has, in a terrible roundabout way, helped us see what is intrinsic.

But I do miss sports, even if that feeling is a byproduct of muscle memory. I miss fun, and sports have been the best outlet I’ve even known to find it. I’ve had a hard time not seeing this period as an attack on fun, that, more and more, the world is becoming something I don’t want to go back to: stodgy and bitter, a self-perpetuating game to see who’s winning at any moment. It feels like there’s no room left to be quiet and gentle.

I don’t know when fun will come back, and it feels fair to ask if it can. There has never been a good answer whether dumb anger is simply the natural state of things, or something we’ve reinforced on one another. There’s only the imprint that anger has left, deep with slippery walls.

The only thing I know is we all want to belong; that at the root of every fight is ostensibly the same impetus — to be full of love and free of worry once again, to feel complete and want for nothing. We just can’t agree on terms.

But I believe there is a healthy definition of belonging. One that does not subsume you, but lets you position yourself amongst the world, and create your own space as opposed to being dictated its rules. A way of editing that doesn’t entrench self, but amplifies it.

The end of the world is demanding, but we have options. And when I close my eyes, I can still see the world I want.

[djgamek1ng]

Final Fantasy XIV Job Review: Machinist

Rules

So this came a lot earlier than I even expected it. I will not explain why here, but to summarize: it’s because of a deal I made with an FC bud (who’s probably grinning a lot after reading that). Anyways, this is my first DPS job I leveled. Why? MCH is considered the worst DPS job at the moment and I was curious if it’s really all that bad. I was already interested in MCH, but the sudden cast times in HW made me hesitate to really level it. SB came around and it obliterated the cast times, so I went to level it! Let’s start the review!

Story:

This one I’ll only split up into 2 parts: HW (which is 30-60 and since that is pretty much one whole story) and SB’s story.

The MCH story starts like this: you, the Warrior of Light, enter the Skysteel Manufactory in Ishgard. Stephanivien (the leader of the Manufactory) is excited to see you and you are eager to learn about firearms. Unfortunately, the manufactory’s master of markmanship has left the building. You, Stephanivien and Joye (another machinist) start your search and it brings you at Camp Overlook in La Noscea. You hear the people’s opinion about the guy, but this doesn’t deter the three of you. You eventually find him! It’s a Roegadyn called Rostnsthal. Rostnsthal challenges you to a trial (after Joye displays great skill with the firearm) and you of course beat the trial. Rostnsthal keeps to his word and comes back to the manufactory. You then get to the main theme for this entire story: Ishgard does not take to kindly to the machinists. They are stuck in the old ways of thinking, where a sword and shield (PLD FOR THE WIN) is the only right way to fight. Everybody is doubting Stephanivien, including his own father (the lord of one of the houses in Ishgard). During this all Stephanivien is providing you with new machinery to use and Rostnsthal is learning you new ways to sling that gun. Stephanivien and the other machinists get eventually challenged to a tourney by Tedalgrinche, a knight of one of the other houses of Ishgard. He’s a complete douchebag, just putting that out there. You triumph (but of course) and Tedalgrinche is still not convinced. Stephanivien’s father, however is convinced that machinists are worthy fighters and hands complete control of the manufactory to Stephanivien. Celebrations are cut short as Joye leaves the manufactory with no apparent reason. You find out a bit later it’s because she got married to some random guy...! Wait what? Well, this doesn’t last too long, since Joye’s dad got kidnapped and you save him. You even recruit the knight who was standing guard over him to the manufactory (yes, this does become a plot point). After you rescue Joye’s father, Joye gets divorced (pretty easily since the guy she was married to wasn’t okay with the blackmailing being done to her) and gets back to the manufactory. Celebrations about Joye’s return are once again cut short, because the manufactory is now accused for giving firearms to random commoners and is held to a trial. The trial is to kill a ferocious dragon terrorizing Coerthas Western Highlands and everybody who has to go through there. Tedalgrinche is of course behind all this and you do the trial. Tedalgrinche the dumbass and his stupid lackey are viewing the trial for a grand total of 5 seconds on a “safe” location. You and the other machinist are defending dumb and dumber and afterwards Tedalgrinche finally shows a bit of appreciation. Stephanivien says that the machinists still need the help of the knights, because they need a frontline, and this is enough to raise Tedalgrinche’s ego beyond human limits. You go celebrate with the other machinist’s, even though Rostnsthal takes his leave from the manufactory (since no one can match the Warrior of Light’s skill with a firearm). And so the manufactory and the machinist’s are there to stay!

So SB’s story! This isn’t going to be too long, but still here it is: You pretty much start where you left off. Rostnsthal has taken his leave and the manufactory is at rest. Stephanivien wants you to find Rostnsthal and before long it happens. Stephanivien convinces Rostnsthal to join the city watch and you meet up with Hilda. Hilda says that the rest of the city watch could use some training and Rostnsthal accepts the job as a trainer. You come back to check a bit later and training is going. Not great, but it’s going. You and Hilda look if her Hounds (as she calls them) can do anything around the city. You find out that Hrunting - a sacred blade (I WONDER WHERE I’VE HEARD THIS STORY BEFORE) - has been stolen even though it’s heavily guarded. You and Hilda are looking for info and you find it. A woman talking to a knight you guys where first talking to says something about a band of bandits using firearms and start blaming it on that (WE JUST DID THIS!). Not long after, you find the thugs who have taken it, but something is off. These thugs aren’t coordinated enough to pull off such a big heist. Also, the leader of the thugs says that their boss kinda set them up in a weird way. She told them to steal the sword and when they gotten back with the sword to her, she told them to take it back and do something with it. They decided to sell it and that’s where you busted them. It’s almost like that was planned... You and Hilda return to Ishgard and ask for the sword to be inspected. Ser Muscadain (who you met earlier) had already let it be inspected by a blacksmith, but after your request he also decides to let it be inspected by Stephanivien. Stephanivien has found a small bomb in the hilt, but it wasn’t enough to even hurt someone. It was probably to scar the reputation of the Hounds. You find out it was the woman from earlier in the story who had set this up. You go on and stop her. You do that and it’s revealed that Ser Muscadain and Hilda are brother and sister! And so end SB’s story!

MCH’s power as a DPS: Oh boy, we’re getting into this topic aren’t we? MCH’s power as a DPS. I’m just gonna put a trigger warning right here, since the popular thing is to completely crap on MCH. TRIGGER WARNING! I think MCH is a fine DPS. Is it flawless? No. To name a few things: Flamethrower is pretty much useless, it has both less utility and damage as its direct counterpart Bard (shortened to BRD) and the heat gauge can feel more like a burden then actually an upgrade (especially before level 62... Ugh...). MCH needs some work, but at the same time it isn’t in the swirling black abyss that people are claiming it is. What I would want for it is to either give it actually some utility to match or even compete with its counterpart or just give it a lot of damage. Still it’s relative power as a DPS is alright. It could use some work, but it’s definitely usable for all content (including Savage).

MCH’s gameplay: So the MCH gameplay. Well, let’s begin with the basics. You have Split Shot, which is your basic skill damage skill, which has a 50% chance to get a proc to empower the next skill, Slug Shot, your second combo shot. Slug Shot also have a 50% to get a proc for your next skill, Clean Shot, your third and final combo shot. You have Hot Shot, which is a shot you’ll use every 30 seconds, because it gives you a 30 second damage buff. Oh and you have Spread Shot, you’re AoE damaging ability.

Let’s talk about your ammunition system, shall we? Reload fully reloads all 3 ammunition and Quick Reload only reloads 1. Ammunition powers up all weaponskills (so every on GCD shot) and for Split Shot and Slug Shot it gives you a 100% proc chance for the next one!

Time to talk about oGCDs! Heartbreak is an execute type skill, meaning you can only activate it when your target is below 20%. Gauss Round is just a oGCD you activate every time it’s up. Ricochet is an AoE oGCD you also activate every time it’s up or to use when you use Wildfire. Speaking of which, Wildfire is a bomb you put on the enemy and it takes 25% of all damage done by you (not the turrets we’ll be talking about in a bit) and after 10 seconds explodes. Reassemble makes your next weaponskill a guaranteed crit. Rapid Fire decreases your GCD to 1.5 until you’ve done 3 weaponskills. Blank is a 15 yalm knockback, useful for putting a mob you might have aggroed back in melee range for the tank (LIKE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO USE IT, NOT FOR “LOL LET’S KNOCK SOMETHING BACK, BECAUSE MY TANK WON’T MIND THAT RIGHT????????????”). You also have Dismantle, which reduces the enemy’s damage dealt by 10% for 5 seconds, useful for party wide damage or to mitigate tank busters a bit. 

Now on to the turrets and their skills! You have 2 turrents, Rook Autoturret and Bishop Autoturret. Rook is used for single target situations and Bishop is used for multi target situations. You can also use Hypercharge to power up the turrets and inflict Vulnerability Up to all enemies hit, which means more party/raid wide damage. You have Rook/Bishop Overdrive, which sends out a big shot to the target, but also removes whatever turret is out and makes you unable to place a turret down for 30 seconds.

Hmm... Let’s talk about role skills now! Tactician and Refresh are party wide TP and MP regens respectively. Palisade makes whatever party member you target take 20% physical damage for 10 seconds. Arm Graze stuns a target for 2 seconds and Head Graze silences a target for a split second (like all silences). Foot Graze binds a target and Leg Graze gives a target the Heavy status, meaning they move more slowly. Peloton increases movement speed, but fades upon gaining enmity and can’t be used in battle. Invigorate gives you 400 TP back and Second Wind heals you for a bit.

Well that was everything about the MC-. W-what’s that? Gauss Barrel? *sigh* Okay okay, I’ll talk about the heat gauge. The Gauss Barrel increases damage dealt by 5% and gives you access to the heat gauge. At 50 heat, your basic 3 shots (Split, Slug and Clean shot) get enhanced, so keep it there at all times (when you are level 64 or above at the very least). Cooldown is a weaponskill which is stronger on 50 heat or above, but also lowers the heat gauge with 25 points. Barrel Stabilizer sets the heat gauge to 50 heat instantly, but can only be used in battle. Flamethrower is an oGCD AoE ability which ticks for 60 every second and increases your heat gauge by 10 every second. When your heat gauge reaches 100, it overheats giving you a damage buff of 10% for 10 seconds. When those 10 seconds are up however, you are for 10 seconds locked out of the heat gauge and need to reattach the Gauss Barrel after those 10 seconds. Don’t let your barrel overheat (I know it’s impossible not too before level 62, but believe me it gets better when you do hit level 62).

So what is my rating of MCH? - Story: 72/100. Not amazing, but honestly not too bad either. It’s at least consistent in terms of quality, unlike a certain other job I could mention (PLD WHY?!) but it wasn’t mind blowing or anything. It’s the perfect addition for Ishgard if you want more story in Ishgard. - Power of the job: 64/100. It needs some definite work from Square Enix’s side, but it’s not as awful as the community will lead you to believe. If you like gun slinging or machinery, definitely try it out! - Gameplay: 80/100 after level 64, but 60/100 before level 62. The Gauss Barrel heat gauge has no purpose before 62. It’s literally just an annoyance, because to maximize damage you use skills, but when you do you overheat the gauge meaning you got to reattach the barrel again and again and again. At 62 you at least get Cooldown, meaning you can actually manage the gauge, but at 64 when you get your heated versions of your basic 3 shots it actually has a point to be managed. Still, it’s quite satisfying to see a huge Wildfire explosion do massive damage!

Overal score: 72/100. It’s a worthy job to just pick up and play, because even though many people disagree with me, I still think it’s extremely fun to play, but at the same time, there are some huge glaring issues with the job that make it tedious to actually level up. I can get if people wanna wait until Square “fixes” the job, but it’s still there to try out and I would suggest you do so! If Square does fix the job, many people will be flocking back to it and suddenly it’s the most amazing thing ever again (just like people did with PLD in SB, when it became really strong).

And that’s a wrap, ladies and gentleman! I want to thank you all for reading this. I do believe it’s a bit smaller than the PLD one, but that’s because I honestly had much less story to write out. I could’ve written out all the drama that comes by, but it’s essentially “manufactory gets doubted, Rostnsthal gives you gunning lessons and Stephanivien gives you machinery lessons, you (try to) prove that machinists aren’t lame” a lot. It’s still a good story to just experience, so I would recommend you do that in some form or fashion. Anyways, I’ve taken enough of your time! Thank you for reading and take care! Next up... Let’s see if this job can make me an complete edgelord. The Dark Knight (DRK) is coming up next folks! See ya guys then!

[spinneryesteryear]

Spinner plays FFXIV Stormblood

Finished FFXIV 4.0 MSQ over the weekend (DRK to 70, WHM to 77), hoo boy. I know I've got the 4.x patches to go but I did wind up liking Stormblood more than I thought. Spoilers ahoy!

Highlights:

- started the SB questline right about the same time as everyone else started ShB *sobs* It did mean I landed in the midst of some good FATE-grinding parties, however, at little as that matters

- I liked the Baelsar’s Wall but those last twin bosses can go die in a fire

- couldn’t get really sad over Papalymo because he barely contributed anything to the story except to snark at Yda. I like him better in DFFOO, where he is an excellent black mage. So, like, the exact opposite of my feelings regarding Thancred.

- Shinryu, Omega, and Cid all disappeared for the majority of the Stormblood questline and tbh it suffered for their absences. At least Estinien, of all people, was tracking the first two down.

- thankfully the WHM quests were all in the first zone I got access to and I already had it at 70 so I just zipped through them

----- me: *fails repeatedly at WHM lvl 70 quest*

----- me: *returns w/gear 10 lvls higher* Time for my vengeance.

----- (Yes, I know I should always keep my gear up to date and to be fair I always keep it at the appropriate level or better when other people are involved. This, however, was single-player duty and my lack of better gear didn’t matter since I didn’t even have the lvl 61 dungeon unlocked yet.)

- never cared at all for Zenos. Nope. Not at all. He and his golf club bag of swords can go fall off Shinryu's platforms. (I also had 0% trouble w/his solo fights on DRK? Maybe it was the new flat damage reduction baked into all tanks, idk, or maybe it was having Aug Shire/at lvl gear for each instance. I kept my health up just fine and had to be wiped out via his insta-kill move for the duty to end. But honestly it felt like good DRK job fantasy, taking on this insurmountable foe and clawing my way past death to defend my fallen comrades.) Also my character literally viewed him as a troubled teen taking out his issues on everyone around him via murder and wasn't impressed w/him in the least. But anyway.

- I came to tolerate Lyse but that's it. Hot-blooded people who rush off and act w/o thinking irritate me greatly IRL and it's no different in virtual life. Plus, she's almost literally an anime version of me who traded book smarts for punching ability. Even her name is a mere one letter from mine. It's kinda weird. She’s my mirror universe self. Ugh.

- it’s really disappointing Square Enix gives me so few options in killing myself. Let me jump off cliffs to my messy death already, dang it. Skyrim let me do it within the first 2 minutes of ever playing, haha.

- the sharks fly. the bears fly. the goobues fly. why not.

- ah, yes, gyuki. Skyrim prepared me for unreasonably bloodthirsty walruses. And for the unreasonably powerful and murderous mammoths.

- I liked M'naago, wished she had been the lead instead

- genuinely loved Gosetsu (Conrad who?) and was upset at his 'death'. I'm at once glad he survived and annoyed at another death fake-out. *Drak voice* Kill more! Kill 'em all!

- Hien is an adorable badass and I wish to adopt him and take him home with me. Doma 4 lyfe

---- me: *interiorly grumbles every time I hear the words ‘Ala Mhigo’

---- also me: *cheers for Doma & the Steppes*

- I just... really don’t understand why Highlanders live in a desert nation and have geographic and cultural neighbors based off of India and yet they have Old English/OHG names. Why???

- also why is Lyse blindingly white (and Minfilia, for that matter) in stark contrast to other Highlanders???

---- me: So, Lyse, if you’re from Gyr Abania then why are you white?

---- Alphinaud: Oh my god, Spinner, you can’t just ask someone why they’re white.

- once again, I'm probably the only person who loved the WHM quests (all SB job quests seem to return to their 1 - 30 [or 30 - 50?] roots and I don't mind). Did lots of screaming over DRK 60 - 70. I saved them all up and did them right away when I hit 70; they flow much better w/no interruptions

- explored/quested/ground FATE's on DRK but ran new dungeons on WHM as that's my comfort job. Failed twice on the mechanics of Bardam's Mettle 2nd boss but no wipes so we're good. So many overconfident gunbreaker tanks, though. T__T *I* did a better job tanking/killing a pack of like 12 mobs as WHM in Sirensong Sea than one bunbreaker, smh.

- I found Magnai to be entirely too amusing. I also want his moves on WAR. 

- somehow missed Shisui entirely? Still haven't got all aether currents in the Ruby Sea RIP me

------ (2 month later addendum: finally unlocked it and got my aether currents. Now, to never return to that area ever again.)

- no underwater mobs is so disappointing. Let me throw fireballs and Holys and swing a greatsword underwater already. Let me tell you, nothing is as exciting as going diving in Morrowind with only a 22% chance to successfully cast Waterbreathing and this Kojin blessing is such an OP cheat.

- enjoying my Grani mount tbh. I have no idea if it's lore-relevant for ShB; I just saw the name lifted straight from Norse myth and was like, "Want." It's more of a horse-shaped reptile, however, with 'paws' that become increasingly creepy the more you stare at them. I wonder if it eats meat like the thestrals in HP.

- shooting minigames? Okay. Platforming minigames? AW HECK NO I THOUGHT I WAS DONE W/THIS WHEN I LEFT LEGO GAMES TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME PLATFORMING IS MY GREATEST ENEMY

- I was derping around in Kugane and accidentally started doing the tower jumping puzzle. As soon as I figured out what I was doing I had to run away immediately to save my sanity.

- throwing on tank stance and rushing in to save someone from a mob or a FATE is still as heady a feeling as ever (except when they then run off and leave you to die, like, no why please). Or raising people out in the wild. I particularly love that cyclops boss FATE near Whitebrim bc I can go stand on the edges as a powerful WHM and raise people 10x as the bodies keep hitting the floor. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it’s still so great.

- I do enjoy the Morrowind feel of walking through a new zone and taking in the scenery but I'd like it more if all the wildlife wasn't super powerful and aggro'ing on me every 10 ft. It feels less like an ecosystem and more like generic monster land when there are no longer any non-aggressive mobs like there were in ARR. The Gyr Abanian landscapes are slowly growing on me, however.

- me, flying through Porta Praetoria/Lochs: Those wooden bonfires must be awfully expensive, if wood is as scarce in Gyr Abania as I think....

- loved the Azim Steppe - atmosphere, music, lore, everything. Waiting for someone to call me out on this bc I just really love Xaela (and may make a male Xaela alt one day).

- had minor moral qualms over fighting in the Naadam for the Mol bc I wanted to claim victory for the Orl

- I do really like those moments in Heavensward and Stormblood when the game recreates the epic moments from the trailers (the WoL walking through the soldiers to fight the dragon; the WoL and Lyse sparring, etc.). 

- I was singing, “I don’t care, I don’t care,” to the tune of Let It Go during the Ala Mhigo cutscenes but the resistance singing their anthem really got to me nevertheless. Many voices united and uplifted and song always hits me hard emotionally.

- my character still looking at Zenos with 0% thirst (negative amounts of thirst, tbh) like, “Who is this sassy lost child?”

- then again my character is like 31 yrs old here with a backstory summed up as ‘angry single mom goes to check on friend, ends up killing a god and getting recruited to save the world’

- Pipin is best Lalafell; I will defend him with my life but he has Tizona now and doesn't need me. The absolute shortest guy around is calling the shots in this military campaign and I love it. At least his dad gave him a box to stand on so he could see over the table during the important strategic military discussions.

- the siege of Ala Mhigo taught us that thaumaturges/black mages are the living equivalent of heavy artillery, nice nice nice

- got lucky and had a competent crew in DF to fight Shinryu

- tbh my character would probably kick Asahi’s dad while he was down and cave in his ribs, just finishing him off. It’s no wonder Asahi turned out as bad as he did, with parents as horrifically self-centered as THAT.

- I humbly submit ‘Higwit’ as a fan-name for that elezen following Asahi around - an acronym for ‘Hien Is Great - Who Is That?!’ based on an old LOTR fan meme. Who else here remembers Figwit before he became Lindir?

- I liked the Tsukuyomi fight but I can’t remember anything specific about it now, not even the mechs. 

- I did spend a lot of time screenshotting Hien because he is an awesome bro and I would endure Ala Mhigo all over again for him

[3one3]

The Sequel - 874

Social Enrichment

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“I’m never going anywhere in this country with the three of you again. One of you is bad enough. Three is impossible.”

“You’re just mad no one wants selfies with you.”

“No I’m mad that every time I pick up my fork, someone asks me to move so they can sit next to you for a picture.”

“The price you pay to sit next to Marco Reus.”

“You’re an insufferable cunt.”

“Whoa! Hey! You don’t talk like that! I’m actually insulted now, because you don’t use that word.”

André tried to explain to Marco that Game of Thrones had a serious effect on Christina’s cursing, and Christina tried to stuff too many pieces of penne in her mouth at one time. It was as if every other person in the Italian restaurant took turns asking her to either take a picture of them with the three Borussia Dortmund players or give up her seat to make taking a selfie with them easier ever since the bowl of pasta was placed in front of her. It was really good pasta too, so it was torture.

“I could have been home watching it right now. I’m supposed to be home watching it right now. You people infringed on my plans.”

“For clarification, when I asked her if she wanted to have dinner with you two tonight, her response was- Hang on, I’ll read it to you right from the phone,” André told his friends. He picked up his iPhone and found the text conversation with his wife. She scowled disapprovingly while she chewed penne, pancetta, arugula, and tomato in creamy vodka sauce. “”Yes, yes, O-M-G yes!” And the second yes was all caps. Many exclamation points. And she picked the restaurant.”

“I did wonder why you would want to have Italian the night before you go to Italy,” Mario chimed in across the table from Marco. They were sharing a pizza. Christina wanted to tell him she wondered why he was eating pizza instead of some specialized diet for his mystery condition no one would tell her about, but she wasn’t that petty or crass.

“Italian food in Rome is not like Italian food outside of Italy,” she sighed. “And I thought it would be quick, and easy.”

“It is,” Marco nodded. “You’re complaining more than eating.” Christina threw a wadded up paper napkin at him. It bounced off the side of his face and hit hers. André laughed at her but he rubbed his ankle on her leg under the table too, to try to be consoling. He knew she wasn’t having a good time at dinner, and that she didn’t need to be there. He could see a true temper tantrum brewing and didn’t want to let it explode if he could do something to quash it. His girl was just plain cranky, and the PMS didn’t help, and the fans really were annoying, and Marco and Mario didn’t include her in the conversations or talk about things that would naturally draw her in. He thought they’d have a better time when his friends suggested grabbing a bite and hanging out. It was slightly relieving to see her take steps to calm her own impending tantrum after she glared at Marco for having the nerve to have a face that deflected balled up napkins. Rather than continuing the childish exchange of insults and gripes, she picked up her phone and her fork and focused on eating and social media browsing or texting. The guys went back to talking about who would and wouldn’t be fit for the Bundesliga match at the weekend. None of the three of them could play in the one on Wednesday. Marco was just beginning rehab, Mario was recovering from being smashed in the head by a rival defender and still had staples in his face, and André had only just returned to team training that day. Mario expected to be in the team at the weekend. André did not. Christina knew that already. They talked about other teammates battling fitness situations too, and she was interested in that, but didn’t bother trying to ask questions.

“Hi hello are you at the match or watching from home?” she asked Juan instead, who was not in the Chelsea team for the Blues’ league cup clash happening during her dinner. They talked that morning while she was changing for the barn, and he told her he wasn’t playing, which was one of the reasons she was eager to make the dinner plans with the more local players. After that, Christina was too busy for Juan. That was why she didn’t know if she went to the game or not. Every other day, she knew what his evening plans were. She knew what his everything plans were, more or less. They weren’t talking less, as André thought. They were talking less in front of him, and not for any particular reason. His improving fitness meant he was at Brackel longer each day, and the rider was back to full-time training with all of her horses except Dirk, so she was at the barn longer each day. She preserved her time with him as time with him, not time with him and her phone and her friends on it.

“At SB. It’s a nice game :)” the Spaniard told her. She knew from Twitter that his team was demolishing their lower league opponents.

“Can I post your baby blue bikini pic on IG?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever worn a baby blue bikini.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Sure.”

She wanted to post the photo he took of her on the boat, looking tan, and sexy, with green juice to drink and ice wrapped to her ankle and a book for entertainment, in juxtaposition to a picture of her pasta and Coke. Her caption would be “Horse show week before Olympics vs. horse show week after Olympics”. Christina was an expert at social media posts that looked self-deprecating on their face but were actually kind of braggy. Making fun of the not-so-good difference in preparation for competition before the Games and after was also a chance to show off how amazing she looked in that bikini, and how cool she must be to have someone around who could take such a stunning photo of her. Her skin was inhumanly metallic, and the lighting looked like a professional setup. The composition was just really appealing. It wasn’t like just anybody walked up behind her and snapped a photo with their iPhone. Even the juice looked amazing, and the whole thing told a story about who she was. She really liked the story.

“Have you ever worn a bikini in another color?” she asked the photographer after making her post.

“No. 1 piece is more flattering for my figure.”

“I think you could pull it off. How did you look that time you accidentally wore my underwear?”

“Gay porn star.”

“How would you know?”

“Shhhhhhhhh cariña.”

“What are you laughing at?” André asked.

“Juan.”

“He’s not playing?”

“Rested. Can I have a piece of your bread since you’re not gonna eat it?” Christina put her phone down and flashed a pleasant smile across to her partner. She wanted his garlic bread, first and foremost, and to make sure she was nice to him so that she could have her way later. She wanted that bath with him.

“When are you and me hanging out?” Marco asked her while André passed his uneaten bread.

“What do you mean?” The rider took a big bite and then furrowed her brows at the ginger haired forward beside her, who was looking at his pizza and not her brows, or the crumbs on her face for that matter.

“Schü says you want to hang out.”

“You’re not supposed to tell her I said that,” his friend chided. “She’s supposed to think you want to hang out with her.”

“I do want to hang out with her...” Marco held one hand out questioningly and mirrored the gesture with the slice of pizza in the other, which resulted in prosciutto and melon sliding off said slice of pizza onto the table.

“You guys know I’m sitting right here, right?” They always talk like I can’t hear them!

“He thinks you’re desperate for some Marco and Chris time but for some reason you’re too chicken to say so. I think he’s dumb,” Marco explained. He used a fork to rescue the food, and André just frowned at him.

“What happens during Marco and Chris time?” Mario interjected. “That’s not like Juan Mata and Chris time is it?” Everyone at the table turned toward him to glare at some level on the scale from questioning judgement to furiousness. “Don’t hit me. I already have staples in my face.”

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Marco remarked more than asked, head shaking ruefully.

“I meant...he’s like her bitch. He follows her around at the horse events, and goes as her date to annoying parties, and takes pictures for her- all that shit- and then he doesn’t get anything for it. I wasn’t talking about that summer...”

“Wait, what pictures?” Christina’s glare, at the furious end of the scale, slowly morphed more into perturbed curiosity. Mario picked up his mobile.

“You just posted one on Insta, didn’t you?”

“How do you know he took it?”

“Neither of you posted anything from your holiday.” He gestured back and forth between her and her husband. Oh. Well...I mean...That’s true. It’s weird that he noticed though, isn’t it?

“You spend too much time on social media,” Marco commented for all of them. André reached for his own device to see what they were talking about. “Every minute you aren’t training, you’re doing something on that phone.”

“I don’t even know what you’re trying to say about me and Juan, but no, I don’t think “Marco and Chris time” would be like that. I don’t even know what “Marco and Chris time” is.” The rider took a long sip from her straw and let her eyes move from player to player. They all looked uncomfortable and confused. Marco was the first to take command of the awkwardness. He turned to frown at her like he was really disappointed.

“Woman, please,” he scoffed dramatically. “You know full well. Marco and Chris time is when we avoid being seen together and I make you eat food you don’t like while we talk about other people.”

“Okay...?” Christina pretended she was still clueless, but what he was saying did ring some bells. She knew by “other people” he meant they talked about Jill, mostly. She also remembered Marco and Chris time occasionally including a lot of brown liquor, or friendly cuddling and napping. What she didn’t know was how her husband evidently knew she missed hanging with his friend one-on-one, and thinking about that helped her realize why they were having that dinner. She also missed hanging out with all of them together. It was their first summer without a shared holiday in a long time. It was their first summer without sharing a bed to watch TV and be bums, without going shopping with them and picking out goofy clothes for them to try or rejecting their terrible selections, without partying and dancing, without playing in a pool or the ocean, and without feeling like Mario and Marco were her friend-family too, not just André’s. Husband and wife discussed how hanging with them wasn’t the same when they went to dinner with a bunch of guys from the team, and their partners, as part of conversations about Christina’s lack of local friends in Dortmund. Husband was discreetly trying to rectify that situation. Wife looked at him across their pasta bowls and smiled a little as she put it all together. Marco certainly blew his cover, but she still really appreciated that he listened to her say she was going to be home a lot and then tried to stimulate some friendships that might help her enjoy that time in Dortmund.

“So when you get back from Italy we’re gonna hang out. You let me drive the Ferrari, I take you to sushi, and then we can do something you like. Like, letting me pick out stilettos for you that you otherwise wouldn’t consider.”

“That just sounds like me doing a bunch of stuff I don’t want to do,” she chuckled at the midfielder to her right. “No way are you driving the Ferrari.”

“Fine, but we’re getting sushi and you’re getting primo shoes.”

“I like sushi. I like shoes.” Mario looked at his teammate like he was mildly offended at being left out.

“I’ll take you out for sushi and shoes another time, babe,” Marco winked.

“I don’t want to go with you. I want to go with her.”

“You and I should get mani/pedi’s together and have a coffee date,” Christina offered the other player, fully aware that they were both just pretending to vie for her company because André’ had a rough time lately with his injuries and his relationship and they’d be doing him a solid by making her feel like a valued member of the clique. They made tentative plans for their separate “dates”, and when it was all settled and the guys went back to talking about dressing room things, she mouthed a thank you at her regular date. He winked back, and his beautiful deep blues squinted a bit because they were filling with pride and satisfaction with himself for doing a good thing without even having to be guided or prodded to it, and that made him want to grin. He could stop his mouth from doing it, but not his eyes. Getting credit for the friend-dates was nice, but he didn’t want it, and he apologized later on for Marco being so obvious.

“He wasn’t supposed to make it all awkward,” he explained in the bathtub, Christina in his lap and lavender and sandalwood in his nose. She put a blue robot in the water that turned into cappuccino-like foam. The robot, she promised, was full of “good stuff for sleepy time”. It smelled nice, and she felt nice in his lap too, so the blue bath was okay by him.

“I appreciate it either way,” she shrugged against his chest.

“Are we in the tub because your ovaries and breasts hurt and you didn’t want to be bored by yourself, or-“

“I just wanted to soak with you. We haven’t in a while.”

“I was going to say, or because you want an excuse not to have sex after. “We just got clean!” or-“

“Has it never occurred to you that I might want to get clean expressly for the purpose of having sex?”

“No. Not unless you’re gonna ask me to lick your ass-“

“I’m not. But we are making love after this.”

“Making love, ay?”

“Mhm. Get your finger out of my belly button.”

André left her belly button alone and picked up the sponge floating on the foamy surface instead. He wrung it out a bit and then slowly moved it around his girl’s chest- across her sternum, between her breasts, under each one, and in lazy circles around her nipples while he gently roamed around her stomach with his palm cupped as if he were going to scratch at her. He liked the feel of her tummy, and the view of her wet chest. The water only made it a few inches shy of her armpits because she was sitting on the elevated bump designed specifically for their current position. His moving the sponge around made waves spill up higher and leave glistening wetness on her breasts on the retreat. Christina insisted on candles instead of any of the overhead lights, and their little flames emphasized the gleam of the water. She was kneading his thighs a little with her hands, and rubbing one of his ankles with her big toe. It took a really long time to fill the excessively wide tub, but the comfort of the many different soaking positions it afforded was entirely worth the wait.

“I’m kind of nervous about the horse show.”

“You’re joking,” the player laughed at the little voice from the little girl relaxing on him.

“I’m serious. What if everyone is weird to you after you don’t win a medal you should have won, or weird to you for securing a team medal over some people who probably should have won? What if everyone is fake and adoring?”

“Don’t be silly,” he told her, abandoning the sponge to put his arm around her head and comb her hair back. He knew she didn’t want the blue foam in her hair but it was wet anyway because she washed it in the shower while the tub was filling. “Some people- not the riders or trainers, I’m sure- will probably want to be your friend now, or use you however they can. No one else is going to be any different. They all respect you. If anything, they’ll respect you more now for the 5 clear rounds. I still think the rules are stupid,” André grumbled. “You jumped clear. The other guy had faults!”

“That’s not how it works,” Christina reminded needlessly, with a small smile.

“Whatever. You’ll be fine.” She’s just looking for drama. It’s like she’s incapable of going into an event without any. One day she’s going to have to learn to just chill again, her bath buddy sighed to himself. Of all the times to be nervous about a competition, how could she possibly choose now? It’s just a Tour thing, she’s already qualified for the final, and she’s sworn a million times that she doesn’t care to defend her title. She just won two Olympic medals. One of them was a gold! How could she possibly be nervous?

“I’m not worried that I won’t be fine. I’m nervous about how people will react to me. It’s different,” she sighed aloud. “I don’t want people to be weird.”

“I think you’re manufacturing the prospect of a problem, Prinzessin. You’re not going to have time to be around the horse people anyway. You’re going with a toddler and a baby, some new parents, some grandparents, dogs, a student and a boyfriend...”

“Okay.”

“I love it when you give up and say “okay” like that,” André growl-whispered in her ear. The gesture produced uncontrollable cackling, and numerous declarations about how lame and cheesy he could be. He didn’t care. “I do! I love when you have an issue and you tell me about it, first of all, and then I love when you let me actually talk you out of it, and accept what I say about it. It’s rare!”

“You’re rare.”

“Shine bright like a diamond.”

“Stop it,” his girl snorted. “And are diamonds even rare anymore?”

“I suppose not. But to be real- I do love when you let me help you with something,” he told her very sincerely. He used that hand around the top of her head to bring it closer for a smooch on her temple with the side of his mouth. “I love you.”

“Love you,” Christina mumbled back as she wriggled around some to give her butt a break from sitting on hard porcelain. Her partner offered his thighs as an alternative, and then lifted her by the armpits when she accepted. It made her giggle, and brought her face much closer to his when he set her down. He kissed her cheek until she turned her head to get one on the lips instead. “Love you,” she repeated as those lips curled up in a small grin. André’s hands were already back on more comforting parts of her body, and she did some more wriggling and wiggling to get at least a little lower again. It was warmer in the water and she didn’t want so much of herself sticking up out of it- plus André’s chest was a good pillow for the back of her head and the tub wasn’t.

“You’re lucky you’re so small, pretty girl,” he yawned. “Whenever Mausi climbs around on me I start to feel anxious that he’ll be too big for it one day.”

“And then you remember his mom is a midget.”

“I still don’t get how he fit in here.” The BVB man spread both palms flat on his girl’s belly for a second, as if to assess the dimensions of it. They split to travel to the widest part of her hips, squeezed, and then followed the tops of her thighs downward, between her legs. Her right foot was flat on his calf, so that knee was bent and flopped over to the side to rest on the tub. There was plenty of room to feel around in the place he was interested in. He felt something wonderful. “Ugh, wet pussy lips are so amazing. It’s like...I can’t even describe. Like dumpling noodles, but better.”

“Ew. Boyfriend.” Christina cringed and pulled a disbelieving face he couldn’t see even if his eyes hadn’t been shut to help enjoy the sensation around his fingertips. So soft, and delicate, and pliable. Being underwater makes the outside part feel like the inside does after she cums. I could pet and play with her like this all night, he sighed happily inside while fingertip-deep inside her. His middle finger enjoyed in there while his pointer and ring fingers touched outside, which was equally soft and pleasant, and hairless. Christina used her new blade sharpening knowledge to revitalize her own electric razor too.

“Have I ever licked your pussy underwater?”

“No. And stop saying the P-word. I hate that word.”

“I kind of want to. But I’m not sure how it would work,” André thought aloud. “I would get a mouth full of water, obviously.”

“You are so special sometimes.”

“How much of your bath time when I’m not here is touching yourself? If I had your vagina, I would submerge it in water and touch it for an hour a day, minimum. God...baby. I want...” His thought went unfinished, but he tilted his head to kiss-suck at her jaw, and cupped his left hand around her right breast to lift and squeeze it a little. His totally unfiltered expressions of desire made his wife smirk. She found it cute, not sexy. But his touch was closer to sexy.

“What do you want?” she asked, trying very hard not to sound as knowing as she felt. The footballer used an arm across her waist to heave her whole body abruptly upward, where he could kiss her neck.

“I want my baby.” He held her tight to his chest and pulled as much of her skin between his lips as he could. His then favorite of her features remained just underwater, and his fingers remained just inside and outside there. The whole thing made for a strange dichotomy for Christina, who didn’t really like being held up by her chest and awkwardly squished, but did like her partner’s thin lips devouring her neck. Half of her was very cold being forced up out of the nice warm water, and half of her was still getting hotter.

“You may have her if you stop crushing her ribcage,” she giggled, much to his delight. He loved her giggles. He loved her happiness when it was authentic, spontaneous, and unburdened. He loved being the catalyst for it most of all. It made him want her even more. He continued holding her up with his arm right under her chest, and used the other one and all of his core strength to lift them both out of the water. André managed to get to his feet without dropping her or slipping in the tub. He stepped out of it very carefully, set Christina down just long enough for her to turn around, picked her up again with one arm at her back and a firm hold at the back of her thigh, and promptly laid her right down on the big black bathmat between the glass shower and the long vanity. It wasn’t much more comfortable than just being on the tile floor, and his knees told him so when he set himself down on top of her, but comfort was not a priority. Kissing the goosebump-covered, wet, warm, giggling girl was the most urgent concern.

He started it almost carefully because he was distracted by her face. His lips lowered toward hers and then his eyes found hers. They were so happy- delighted even. The darkness of the bathroom made her pupils swell to compensate, leaving thin grayish-blue rings to express her energy. Christina didn’t say anything, but her eyes said “my favorite thing”. Her partner recognized it. It was almost like looking at Lukas when he successfully built a block tower larger than his last one. Both looks were pure joy. He knew she wasn’t turned on the way he was. She was thrilled because of how turned on he was. His attraction and thirst did that to her. Her expression also told him there was truly nothing she’d rather be doing, and that was a rarity of late. It almost always seemed as if even when she was having a good time and enjoying something, some part of her wished she could be elsewhere, doing a different thing, with someone else. So it took a few seconds for his enthusiasm for kissing to catch back up to his lips, and it came with a sloppy exhale through his nose, and a hand in Christina’s hair.

“You make me so happy, baby,” he muttered after making sure he covered every bit of her lips with both of his, twice. It was her silk pussy that got me, but her reaction is so much more important, he thought to himself while she lifted her head just off the carpet to push little kisses on his closed lips. I don’t make anybody in the world happy the way I make her happy. She’s the only one. I’m here just for her and she’s here just for me. I know it. I know it.

“Make love to me,” the rider whispered in her most deliberately seductive but submissive voice. She didn’t want to be demanding. She knew he liked to hear her ask for what she wanted but still maintain some semblance of her usual prudish innocence. She knew it made him hard, and hungry, to know that she wanted or needed something from him enough to ask for it instead of suggest it with behavior or wait for it, and for her to be serious about it instead of casual. Christina was pretty good at conjuring that tone even when she didn’t necessarily feel entirely in line with its connotation. Sometimes she employed it to make him happy, and sometimes it just came out naturally. It was the former situation on the bathroom floor, but she wanted it to be natural, and she was eager to see if the bathroom floor was going to be the place where they finally had that meaningful kind of sex she longed for- the kind she believed she only had with Juan then.

“What else did you think I was going to do?” André whispered back, smiling. He smooched her on the mouth again instead of giving her a chance to respond, and he dropped his lower body down to push against her. His hips moved up and down over hers a few times- slowly, and a touch labored, as if he were doing pull ups and just happened to be dragging himself against her the whole time. It was just too difficult to remain still while he cradled her head and kept kissing. Eventually it was Christina who clamped her hands on his butt cheeks and forced him to stop. She wanted the player to move just like that, actually, but with part of him inside of her instead of caught between their bodies. André was aware of that, and he lifted up enough and reached down between them to fix that, and she readied herself to find out if they could still have the “I just want to love you” sex she was both having and fantasizing about regularly with her best friend.

[junker-town]

‘The Bachelor’ Recap: All hell has broken loose

ABC

Peter has thrown all rules out the window, and it’s a lawless wasteland.

We at SB Nation realize The Bachelor is very much sports. Therefore, each week we’ll recap all the heartbreak, drama, and excitement. If you missed anything, catch up on last week’s action here.

The creators of The Bachelor have no respect for our time or sanity, choosing to air not only TWO episodes this week (the second of which airs Wednesday night) but also making Monday night’s episode THREE DAMN HOURS. Granted, that is still shorter than trying to watch The Irishman in one sitting, but still ... it’s a LOT of crying and yelling.

We pick up where last week’s episode left off: the ladies squabbling in Cleveland about the dramatic return of Alayah. If you recall, Alayah showed up during the evening portion of last week’s football group date despite being sent home the week before. Doe-eyed doofus Peter — in an attempt to make a grand gesture — not only brought the contentious Alayah back into the house, HE GAVE HER THE GROUP DATE ROSE. FOR A DATE SHE DIDN’T GO ON.

Well, I hope you didn’t get too re-attached, because by 8:10 p.m. ET, Peter once again shipped the former beauty queen off to the land of Instagram sponsorships in a nondescript black SUV.

Farewell, sweet (and conniving) Alayah. You will be missed (again).

By attempting to put a Band-Aid (sending Alayah home) on this sucking chest wound (bringing her back in the first place), the women learned a couple of things about Peter the rest of us already knew:

He can be easily manipulated.

He has no idea what he’s doing.

For the rest of the Rose Ceremony, Peter just took turns making out with everyone in between apologizing for being a wishy-washy waffler. After eliminating three ladies, our aviator beau took the 12 remaining women to Costa Rica. Farewell, sweet Cleveland, we’ll miss you.

One-on-one with Sydney

Here’s a quick recap:

Helicopter ride by a volcano

Picnic

Making out

Talking over dinner

Making out

Making out

I’m pretty sure you could guess, but Sydney got the rose.

Group date

Shiann, Kelsey, Victoria F., Madison, Natasha, Victoria P., Lexi, Hannah Ann, Tammy, and Mykenna were all selected for the group date, leaving Kelley to get the other one-on-one. Cosmopolitan’s editor in chief met the group to tell them they’d be shooting for their March issue, which once again seems like an unfair advantage for the actual models in the group.

Victoria F. “won” the date by being selected to pose with Peter for the cover shoot (shortly after the episode aired, Cosmo announced it was pulling the cover after photos started circulating online of Victoria modeling “White Lives Matter” merchandise), Hannah Ann “won” the evening by getting the group date rose, and we the audience “won” nothing because we listened to more pointless arguing.

This time, the debate revolved around Kelsey. When Sydney got the first one-on-one date of the week, Kelsey took it very personally (reminder: Kelsey got a solo date literally last episode). It was a real up-and-down night for our professional clothier as she told Peter she was falling in love with him (reminder: we’re like five episodes in) and got called emotionally unstable by Tammy.

One-on-one with Kelley

This is the first real interaction between Lawyer Kelley and Pilot Peter since the first couple episodes, and, woo boy, this was a fun one.

So here’s the thing: I like Kelley. She’s no-bullshit, she’s mature, and rather than gushing over Peter and having superficial conversations disguised as meaningful dialogue, she — wait for it — tells him what is actually going on!

After an actual discussion at dinner (where she calls him out over rewarding the drama) Kelley accepts the rose.

Rose Ceremony

Kelsey, concerned about her standing with Peter after the group date, sneaks off to his house to talk. She tells him that Tammy has been questioning whether she has a substance abuse problem (YIKES, Tammy), then cries some more. He feels sorry for her, they make out, and he ... gives her a rose! Let’s see how excited the women were about this:

ABC

Here’s the thing: Peter has turned our formulaic reality escape into a lawless wasteland. He repeatedly rewards dramatic behavior with rogue roses (Alayah, Kelsey), and his naive ass unknowingly dumps gunpowder onto the blazing tinderbox that is the group of women.

As a result of his discussion with Kelsey, Peter decides he has all the clarity he needs on the matter and forgoes the actual cocktail party.

Tammy, concerned about what Kelsey might have said about her, asks to speak to Peter before he hands out the first rose. Mykenna, angry she didn’t get the time she needed with Peter, INTERRUPTS TAMMY’S TIME THAT SHE ALREADY STOLE FROM THE ROSE CEREMONY.

It’s all just too much.

Best pun — Natasha

“She made her bed, and now she has to Alayah in it.”

EHHHHH. GET IT.

ABC

Worst. Injury. Story. Ever. — Peter’s golf cart incident

Peter rolls up to the resort sporting a new bandage above his eyebrow and regales the women with a tale about fighting a puma in the jungle. Unsurprisingly, they buy it. What really happened, though, is so perfectly stupid.

Apparently, Peter walked into a golf cart, causing him to duck and ram the glass he was holding into his head. HE HAD TO GET 22 STITCHES. Oh, sweet, sweet Peter. What are we going to do with you?

ABC

Worst best compliment — Best kisser

I mean, yes, everyone wants to be a good kisser. That’s an important thing in a relationship and there’s nothing much worse than dating (or being) a really bad kisser. However, when your date says you’re the best kisser OF ALL THE WOMEN HE’S CURRENTLY DATING, that’s a little weird.

So, congrats, Sydney. Your boyfriend thinks out of all his 11 other girlfriends, you’re the best.

Most confused as to what happens on this show — Kelsey

Wooo, sweetie, what are you even doing here? This show is not new. In fact, it’s been around in some form or fashion since 2002. One love interest, multiple suitors. Kelsey — who, as a reminder, spent the first few episodes crying over a saga of mistaken champagne bottles — repeatedly made tear-filled and anxious statements Monday about not wanting to share her man.

At one point, Tammy literally had to explain that he picks one person:

Tammy: I just wanted to check in that you’re OK ...

Kelsey: I’m just sad. Very, very sad.

Tammy: Sad that he’s dating other people?

Kelsey: Yeah!

Tammy: Yeah, it’s never an easy sight to see, but it is what we signed up for unfortunately.

Kelsey: I’ll never be OK with it.

Tammy: I know, but it’s only temporary. There’s an end at some point.

Kelsey: No, there’s never an end.

Tammy: Well, he has to pick one at some point.

The biggest snitch — Peter

It’s well-established at this point that if you share some drama with Peter, he will 1) immediately take it as gospel and 2) immediately tell the person involved that you were talking some shit.

While it makes for entertaining television, it completely flips the script on this show. Usually, the snitches get sent home. Now, the snitches get confronted because they’re immediately called out and forced to defend their actions.

Worst character arc — Tammy

Man, what a horrible episode for Syracuse Tammy. She has great facial expressions and is quote gold. At the start of the three-hour fiasco, she was a sympathetic character checking in with Kelsey to see how she was doing. By the end, she had accused Kelsey of pill-popping and being an alcoholic.

My goodness.

Look, Kelsey’s crying is a LOT (and this is coming from someone who cried multiple times during the Puppy Bowl) and her Week 1 meltdown over the champagne mix-up was undoubtedly ridiculous. But Tammy’s judgmental comments regarding Kelsey’s decision to to drink wine, along with her snarky, unfounded claims about pills (which turned out to be ADHD medicine and birth control) are just so gross.

Gone too soon

Deandra

Kiarra

Savannah

Shiann

Lexi

[junker-town]

The beef between Russell Westbrook and Patrick Beverley will never die

Photo by Bill Baptist/NBAE via Getty Images

We have that and more in Thursday’s NBA newsletter.

Players can switch teams, win MVPs, get contracts, swap teammates, yet still maintain beef if that beef is true enough.

Once upon a time, Patrick Beverley was a teammate of James Harden on the Houston Rockets, and Russell Westbrook was a star of the rival Oklahoma City Thunder. SB Nation’s show BEEF HISTORY walks you through why and how the pair fought.

Now Westbrook is a Harden co-star in Houston and Beverley is a Clipper. BUT THE BEEF LIVES. The teams met Wednesday with Harden lighting up L.A. Would you expect Mr. Westbrook to note that fact after the game? Well, of course. And with a devastating (and untrue) quote.

“Pat Bev trick y’all, man, like he playing defense. He don’t guard nobody, man. He just running around, doing nothing.”

Feuds come and feuds go. Beef is eternal.

Speaking of beef, hilariously we may have a beef between Doc Rivers and Austin Rivers after the latter tried (successfully) to get the former T’d up while the coach was on a rant late in the Clippers’ loss. Austin then taunted Doc after he got ejected. Beautiful.

Speaking of the Rockets, here’s Michael Pina on how Houston and Westbrook are growing together.

Scores

Grizzlies 119, Hornets 117 Sixers 97, Magic 112 Wizards 133, Celtics 140 Clippers 93, Rockets 102 Spurs 114, Wolves 129 Warriors 94, Lakers 120 Raptors 114, Blazers 106

Schedule

All times Eastern. Games are on League Pass unless otherwise noted.

Heat at Cavaliers, 6 Mavericks at Knicks, 8, TNT Bulls at Bucks, 8 Clippers at Pelicans, 8 Hawks at Suns, 9 Nets at Nuggets, 10:30, TNT

Links

Mike Prada breaks down how Pascal Siakam’s weird game is translating as a superstar.

Ja Morant game-winner in his first pro game back in his native Carolinas.

I wrote about Damian Lillard’s MVP-style year and the Blazers’ bad timing.

Ricky O’Donnell on Coby White’s microwave scoring ability.

Henry Abbott on why it’s silly to ignore the science on load management. Speaking of which, here’s the Kevins Pelton and Arnovitz on the science of load management.

About those Mavericks jerseys. A different take.

Dwight Howard defended Kentavious Caldwell-Pope in the comments of an Instagram. He explains why. If there was still a Comeback Player of the Year award ...

Nike finally made Sabrina Ionescu jerseys. They sold out in hours.

Kevin O’Connor on the Spurs’ paradox.

Bogdan Bogdanovic is the key to the Kings surviving De’Aaron Fox’s absence.

Natalie Weiner with an incredibly important story on the role high school football plays in preventing and healing from youth gun violence.

Wild, at times disturbing story of how Sue Bird and Diana Taurasi ended up playing basketball for Russian spy because WNBA wages were too well.

Ranking the top 50 players in the WNBA.

Be excellent to each other.

[junker-town]

Tactically Naive: Trying to outclass Liverpool is exhausting and pointless

Playing Liverpool feels like a bad day at work for everyone, from the opponent, to officials, to God.

Hello, and welcome to another edition of Tactically Naive, SB Nation’s weekly soccer column. This week, an all-Premier League special. Because the noisiest football is the best football.

On Sunday afternoon, Liverpool hosted Manchester City, and it was exhausting. Ninety minutes and change of sprinting, shouting, pointing, fouling, complaining, and VARing with just enough decent football tucked in there to make it all worthwhile. But still, it looked knackering. It showed that there are a lot of tough gigs in the Premier League.

For instance, it’s a tough gig being a fourth official. You’re standing there looking all important, thinking about technical areas and light-up boards and minutes added on. Maybe there’s a substitution coming. Maybe you’ll have some paperwork to do. And then there’s some loud shouting —

— something’s happened. A penalty? No, not a penalty. Quite the opposite —

— and all of a sudden Pep Guardiola is walking towards you. No, he’s stalking. No! He’s hopping. Hopping mad. And he’s gone, in the eyes, and he’s jabbering and pointing and holding up two fingers. Two fingers! Two! One was bad enough, but two!

And now thankfully he has stopped pointing at you — you are, after all, merely a fourth official — and is pointing up at the sky, waving two fingers at God, bellowing to the heavens that his side have had two — two! two fingers! two! — penalties denied them. Two!

Tough gig, too, being Claudio Bravo. There are goalkeepers who look bad — a spilled cross here, an ill-advised charge from the line there — and then there are those, like Bravo, who seem simply not to exist at important moments.

Tactically Naive’s working theory: he’s a distant relative of Thing from the Addams Family, but instead of a hand he’s two feet. Brilliant feet. Some of the best feet around. Put them in boots, watch them pass out from the back. Just gorgeous stuff.

The rest of him, however, is a projection, a clever trick of light. There to provide the suggestion of the goalkeeper but, sadly, none of the rather important solidity.

Anyway, it’s an unanswerable question whether Ederson would have saved any of the goals. TN suspects he’d have been much better under the cross on the third goal, much more distracting on the second, and that nobody, however solid, was getting close to Fabinho’s first. You can understand why Guardiola might have been feeling ill-disposed towards God even before the penalty calls. An awkward time to lose your only fully-real goalkeeper.

Another tough gig: being God. However hard you work, however much you give him, Guardiola’s never happy.

You know, being a Sky Sports Hype Person is a pretty tough gig. It’s November, and there’s an eight-point gap at the top of the Premier League. Worse, the team that should be one half of the two-horse race is another whole point back, in fourth place, and has just been tonked 3-0 by the team at the top.

Perhaps “tonked” is a little harsh. City were arguably the better team between both boxes, for all that’s worth. It’s just that Liverpool get themselves from one box to the other at inhuman speed, and are pretty good at scoring once that’s done.

Twice — Twice! Two times! — in the first 20 minutes. Which rather killed the game as a contest and also, in another blow to our Sky Sports Hype Person, as a crucible. For neutrals, there was a reasonable expectation that somebody, at some point, would pick up a stupid red card, and that this stupid red card would come with a lot of pushing and shoving and holdmebackholdmebacking.

But even Fernandinho managed to keep his cool, denying Sky Sports the opportunity to show Scenes Nobody Wants To See on loop for the next 72 hours. How disappointing.

Of course, it’s a tough gig being a Video Assistant Referee. There you are, quietly trying to destroy the fabric of the nation’s most-beloved game, and people keep getting angry with you.

And, finally, it’s a tough gig playing against Liverpool. There are teams that are better at controlling games, there are teams that are better at defending, and there are many teams that have a mascot that isn’t a 7’ bird with teeth. But it’s hard to think of any team in recent years that has been so effective and reliably punishing.

It doesn’t take much. A full-back out of position. A midfielder stepping out and missing a tackle. A striker having a meltdown in the box because he thinks there’s been a handball, all the while ignoring the ball bouncing loose at his feet, and his colleague shouting “the ball, Sergio, it’s right there, kick it, kick it to me, Sergio, for God’s sake,” or words to that effect. Then ping, ping, ping, and Liverpool are up the other end and there’s, like, 12 of them, and everybody’s out of position.

And then, most of the time: goal.

Can they keep doing it? Or more precisely: can enough teams stop them doing it enough times that somebody else can get close to them? Because thanks to Sunday, Liverpool don’t have to be good enough to beat Manchester City at any point between here and the open-top bus parade.

City don’t quite need snookers, but they certainly need favours. Perhaps they’ll come from Chelsea and Leicester, or perhaps from Manchester United, the only team to have taken points form Liverpool so far. Most likely, they’ll have to come from Liverpool’s side of things: a rash of injuries, a collapse after their FIFA-mandated junket to Qatar, a blazing row between the full-backs and the front three. Something weird, or something mundane, but something disruptive.

All that, and City will need to put something brilliant together themselves. And they can, of course they can. They’re the champions, they’ve got Guardiola, and they’re incredibly good and incredibly rich. Still, it’s a tough gig, trying to catch Liverpool. They’re very, very good. Brace yourselves.

[junker-town]

These 8 NBA teams will hit the over on their projected win total

The Raptors and Mavericks are two teams who could beat their projected win total this year.

Bet the over on these eight NBA teams.

Name a more iconic duo than reckless sports predictions and gambling. With the NBA season around the corner, the SB Nation staff thought we would combine the two and hand out some free advice on the most intriguing over/under win totals at the sportsbook.

The lines are from Draft Kings and all come with their own odds. These the teams we like to hit the over this season.

Brooklyn Nets: 44.5

The Nets won 42 games last year and to achieve the over in this scenario, we only need three more wins for the same team. That same team has swapped Kyrie Irving for D’Angelo Russell and by my calculations, this is a safe bet to add a small amount of wins to your season. Let’s also take into account that Caris Levert will be back and healthy, Joe Harris is on a contract year, and let’s not forget Spencer Dinwiddie.

Will there be chemistry issues to start the season? Possibly. Will Kyrie go full galaxy brain? Probably. Will the team be surrounded by weird Kevin Durant rumors? Definitely.

But, I’m not making the case that the Nets will be the greatest team ever, I just need them to win more than 44.5 games, and this feels like an easy win to me.

— Whitney Medworth

Golden State Warriors: 47.5

Things don’t look entirely promising for the Warriors. Kevin Durant was a big loss, but they’ve existed as a dominant team without him before, but also losing Klay Thompson to injury at the end of last season dramatically changed the outlook of their future. Thompson is the perfect complimentary superstar, capable of playing like the main superstar when necessary, but also comfortable playing the sidekick or even the third in line, as long as it benefits the team. And he does this with his offensive game as well as his defensive capabilities.

But I believe. I believe in Stephen Curry, Draymond Green, and Steve Kerr. I believe in Kerr being able to be creative with lineups to get the best of his remaining stars. I believe in Green being able to play both sides of the ball in his best form, which he usually saves for the playoffs, but which will be necessary in the regular season now. And I believe, as everyone should, in the upcoming year of Curry in which he will burn the league down and showcase the full extents of his powers, as both a requirement for the team to do well, and to prove a point to the doubters.

Saying that they will beat 47 games is a hopeful prediction. The West is even tougher now, and the league has grown in parity. But I still think that with Curry and Green at their best, the Warriors are still capable of 50 wins.

— Zito Madu

Chicago Bulls: 30.5

The Bulls have the most dispiriting goal in the NBA laid before them this season: to scratch-and-claw their way to the No. 8 seed in the Eastern Conference. While the franchise won’t get another Grant Park parade for such an accomplishment, it would signal meaningful improvement after two truly horrendous seasons following the Jimmy Butler trade. Whether the Bulls can outlast the Detroit Pistons and Orlando Magic for that final spot in the East remains to be seen, but they should at least be close enough to clear 30 wins.

The Bulls have already broken a pair of dubious trends with nearly two decades of history behind them in this calendar year. First, actually traded for a player who improved the team in Otto Porter Jr. Then they made two three smart free agent signings with Tomas Santoransky, Thaddeus Young, and Luke Kornet. None of them are superstars, but all of them should help Zach LaVine, Lauri Markkanen, and Wendell Carter Jr. grow into the best versions of themselves. The Bulls still have a long, long way to go, but they have no excuse to continue being one of the very worst teams in the league.

— Ricky O’Donnell

Detroit Pistons: 37.5

The Pistons are not very good, but they have two things going for them: they are in the Eastern Conference, and they have a real centerpiece star in Blake Griffin. The Pistons went 41-41 and landed the No. 8 seed last season, their first under Dwane Casey and first full season with Griffin. In fact, the Pistons have beat this 37.5 wins line in three of the past four seasons. In the other, they won 37 games. So 37.5 really doesn’t seem like much of a stretch: the Pistons don’t even need to improve to hit it, they just need to not be substantially worse.

Griffin, who has struggled with injuries throughout his illustrious career, played 75 games last season. That’s a good sign. Andre Drummond had his strongest effort ever at age 25 and is now in a contract year. Reggie Jackson, who has also struggled with injuries, played all 82, something that seems unlikely to repeat. But while the Pistons are shallow, the talent at the top is pretty good — Griffin is a top-five player in the East, and Drummond might be the second or third best center — and Casey is not a coach that presides over much failure. Pencil them in for a low seed and an average record.

— Tom Ziller

Dallas Mavericks: 40.5

Much depends on Kristaps Porzingis, who we’ve not seen for 21 months and had a spotty history of injuries even before then. But if he’s healthy and in a good frame of mind, a one-two punch of Porzingis and Luka Doncic rivals any in the league. A Doncic-Porzingis pick-and-roll offers tantalizing possibilities, even when opponents switch.

The surrounding cast is underrated as well. Seth Curry had his best season under Rick Carlisle three years ago and will now be empowered in an ideal role as a secondary playmaker alongside Doncic. The combination of Dwight Powell’s rim-rolling, Maxi Kleber’s floor spacing, and Boban Marjanovic’s size will do the job nicely at center over the course of 82 games. Tim Hardaway Jr. provides instant offense, while Delon Wright is a quality defender and underrated playmaker. Keep an eye on Jalen Brunson and Justin Jackson, two young players who slot into obvious roles at backup point guard and combo forward.

The West is difficult, but it’s hard for me to picture a Rick Carlisle-coached team going three straight years without a winning record, particularly with this much star potential.

—Mike Prada

Dallas Mavericks 40.5

Mike gave you all the real reasons to pick the over with Dallas, but I’ll go with the simplest reason of all: There is serious “best shape of his life” potential for Kristaps Porzingis, based on this one picture, which is surely enough on which to base a seasonal prediction.

The one thing you can control in life is your effort @mcuban pic.twitter.com/mFNOK8hbBv

— Kristaps Porzingis (@kporzee) September 24, 2019

—Eric Stephen

Toronto Raptors: 46.5

Kawhi Leonard’s singular brilliance in last year’s playoffs obscured one key stat from the Raptors’ title run: their 17-5 record in the 22 games Leonard rested for load management. Twelve of those 17 wins came before the midseason trade for Marc Gasol, and several of those 12 came amid the backdrop of Kyle Lowry also shuffling in and out of the lineup with nagging ailments. Leonard may have turned them into champions, but the leftover core is quite good in its own right.

Are you ready to see a fully unleashed Pascal Siakam for 82 games? I sure am, and I expect big things. Gasol is coming off a dominant summer for Spain, and Lowry is still Lowry. Danny Green is gone, but O.G. Anunoby should be much better this season after struggling with injury and personal tragedy last year.

The biggest risk here is Masai Ujiri deciding to accelerate a rebuild and trading Lowry and/or Gasol, both in the final year of their contract. But while Ujiri has built a reputation for not caring about sentiment to improve the team — see DeRozan, DeMar — his actions over the course of his tenure with the Raptors have been more conservative than that reputation suggests. I don’t expect him to be as quick to break up a pretty good thing as many others do.

— Mike Prada

New York Knicks: 27.5

The Knicks won 17 games last season. They were the worst team in the league. By April, Damyean Dotson, Mario Hezonja, and Luke Kornet were their guiding lights in games that were watched by nobody. I am not here to pronounce 2020 as a turning point for this franchise. The playoffs stay out of reach and zero All-Stars are on the roster. The Knicks are clearly rebuilding, but they also have so much more talent than they did a year ago. Some of it’s tantalizing. Some of it’s flawed yet proven. Some is years away from actualizing it in an NBA environment.

There are also real players, with real skills. Marcus Morris is frustrating, but not bad. Julius Randle averaged 25.2 points per 36 minutes with a 60.0 True Shooting percentage. Taj Gibson is a professional adult whose arms remain long. Sure, they all play the same position but this team also has a nice blend of athleticism, youth, and, most importantly, shooting in the backcourt. Reggie Bullock and Wayne Ellington make life easy for everybody else, and Kevin Knox is...no longer a rookie.

None of this is meant to resemble a ringing endorsement. All they need to do is win 30 games. In the Eastern Conference, with this talent base, that seems plausible enough.

— Michael Pina

New Orleans Pelicans: 38.5

I believe in Zion Williamson. I believe in future All-Stars Brandon Ingram and Lonzo Ball. I believe in veterans Jrue Holiday, J.J. Redick, Derrick Favors and E’Twaun Moore rising the 24-and-unders to the occasion. And I believe the Pels finish over .500.

All success revolves around Zion’s play and I’ve yet to be given a reason why he won’t dominate at the next level. Even if he struggles finding his way as a scorer, he’ll facilitate an offense that stretches Redick, Holiday and Moore around the arc, and plants Favors and Jaxson Hayes down low. New Orleans doesn’t have a clear identity to start the season, and that’s ok. But it has so much raw talent, a resolution will come.

— Matt Ellentuck

[junker-town]

Wait, is ‘Thursday Night Football’ good now?

A better-than-usual start to 2018 has made Thursday nights amazing ... so far.

This week, it was a 38-31 shootout between Super Bowl contenders that may have been the launching pad for the league’s next elite quarterback, Last week, it was a ratings smash that broke a years-long losing streak and showered northeastern Ohio in beer-adjacent liquids. So now we’ve got to ask ourselves:

Is Thursday Night Football good now?

The beleaguered format, once the dumping ground for all-urine uniforms and the Texans-Bengals games no one wanted, is 2-for-3 in terms of putting on great games this fall. In Week 3, the Browns and Jets turned a battle between two of the league’s worst teams from 2017 into a dramatic comeback win for a starved fanbase in Cleveland. In Week 4, Kirk Cousins and Jared Goff strung together a Big 12-style shootout that saw 500 passing yards and six aerial touchdowns ... in the first half alone. Even Week 2 between the Ravens and Bengals saw Baltimore claw back to within five points late in the fourth quarter before suffering a 34-23 loss.

(Eagles-Falcons, despite being the season opener on a Thursday night, was an NBC Sunday Night Football production, because the NFL’s broadcasting rights are weird.)

It’s been an amazing start for a night on the NFL schedule that’s traditionally been an easily ignored blip on football’s national landscape. Is it sustainable?

The rest of the Thursday Night Football schedule isn’t especially inspiring

Some of the NFL’s worst teams headline the next four weeks of Thursday football. Next week brings a Colts-Patriots showdown with a couple interesting subplots: Josh McDaniels facing the team he spurned in its head coaching search, Julian Edelman’s return to the field after a four-game suspension, and the never-ending Deflategate revenge angle. But ultimately it’s a matchup between a pair of teams who got off to disappointing 1-2 starts.

In Week 6, the defending Super Bowl champions earn a prime slot slot. That’s good! The Eagles will face the Giants, who rank 27th in the league in scoring and field an offensive line that may send Eli Manning to injured reserve by then — he’s been sacked 12 times in three games this fall. That’s bad!

Week 7 and Week 8 each feature teams who have started the season 0-3 — the Texans and the Cardinals, the latter of whom just topped our FanPulse poll for 2018’s worst team.

Here’s what you said: pic.twitter.com/cyEv4OXB7a

— SB Nation NFL (@SBNationNFL) September 27, 2018

Another Week 8 game will break that streak of apparent blowouts, but the marquee matchup between the Eagles and Jaguars is a Sunday morning game from London that happens to be a TNF production. Four days later, Friday’s less-popular little brother will foist a showdown between Jon Gruden’s botched reclamation project and NFL starting quarterback C.J. Beathard onto an unsuspecting public.

(These power rankings are based off SB Nation’s post-Week 3 rankings.)

So Thursdays are going to be brutal for a while. The good news is the NFL backloaded the TNF schedule with games featuring 2017 playoff teams. The bad news is many of those teams have backslid early in 2018. Panthers-Steelers in Week 10 should have an impact on the playoff race. Packers-Seahawks in Week 11 might not — especially with Seattle in the midst of a rebuild. Week 12’s Saints-Cowboys game looked like a banger during the offseason, but its bright lights have been dimmed as Dallas has sunk to the bottom of the league’s power rankings in a grim 1-2 start.

Jaguars-Titans (Week 13) could determine the AFC South champion, but might be borderline unwatchable even if it is — the two teams staged a 9-6 Florida rock fight in Week 3. The final Thursday Night Football game of the season that actually takes place on a Thursday is a Chargers-Chiefs game that should rival Vikings-Rams in terms of points scored and passing TDs, assuming Los Angeles’ entire starting lineup isn’t on injured reserve by that point.

There’s plenty of reason to complain about this year’s TNF slate, but in a year where Jets-Browns turned out to be eminently watchable, there’s reason to believe at least a few of these clunkers will turn out to be some of the season’s best games. Or, at the very least, an entirely pleasant way to spend a weeknight.

The NFL doesn’t need Thursday Night Football to be great — and it typically hasn’t been

Adding an extra night of football to America’s schedule has been a boon for the NFL. FOX paid the league $3.3 billion to broadcast the bulk of its Thursday Night Football games over the next five years. That’s $660 million per year — and in 2018, it comes out to $66 million per game.

That’s a huge outlay for a series of games that has typically underwhelmed. The average margin of victory in 2016’s Thursday night games was more than 11 points. In 2017, that gulf widened to more than 13 points. Ten of last year’s 18 contests were decided by double digits. And FOX still doled out the per-capita GDP of Bolivia to broadcast those games over a five-year span.

Expectations have typically been low for Thursday Night Football. The league’s expansion into a second weeknight always seemed more of a life raft between Monday to Sunday than any actual service to fans — and, as Richard Sherman pointed out, an active detriment (and “complete poopfest”) for players. But 2018 has been different, at least so far.

Baker Mayfield’s debut and the Browns’ subsequent rally to their first victory since December 2016 scored the NFL Network’s highest ratings since 2015. Part of that is thanks to the network’s exclusive over-the-air rights to the game, but the fact a Week 3 game between two bottom-feeding teams can pull nearly 9 million viewers to a premium cable channel is a major win for TNF. FOX, one game into its TNF tenure, is seeing gains as well, even despite some heavy competition.

Fox/NFL Net pulled a 10.7 overnight, up 8% from the comp Thursday night game last season.

— John Ourand (@Ourand_SBJ) September 28, 2018

Those numbers don’t count the multitudes that streamed the game through Amazon, either.

With league ratings on the decline as viewers branch out to different avenues to soak up NFL content, it’ll remain to be seen whether TNF can continue to impress on the field and in viewership metrics. Playing matchmaker for 38-31 shootouts between playoff hopefuls is a good start. But if 2018 truly is Thursday Night Football’s blessed year, it’ll have to hope games like Broncos-Cardinals and Dolphins-Texans can follow the lead set by Jets-Browns and Vikings-Rams.