zephwritesonao3

[zephwritesonao3]

anyone ever: from the get-go

me, nodding sagely: from the gecko…

[zephwritesonao3]

*sees someone on Social Medias that i am no longer on speaking terms with* i must not lurk. lurking is the mind killer. lurking is the little death that brings total obliteration. i will face my desire to lurk. i will permit it to pass over me and through me. and when it has gone past i will turn the inner eye to see it's path. where the desire to lurk has gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.

[zephwritesonao3]

what if someone were to write something about jean finding jeremy on the edge of the roof, standing too close. what if jean went up to him and pulled jeremy into his arms immediately with kind of fear that was never known to him before. what if it was noah’s birthday and jeremy just wanted to know how his little brother felt. what if jeremy talked to jean about noah in a broken voice, what if he told jean that noah would’ve loved jean, really, because noah liked comic books and superheroes and jean is just like one of them. he’s kind and strong and the bravest man jeremy had ever met in his life. and noah would’ve loved him if they ever met. but they can never now. what if.

[zephwritesonao3]

Do You Think. Do you think Andrew Minyard ever agonised on how exactly Aaron an underage child was consistently getting his hands on drugs. Do You Think Andrew Minyard was kept up at night over his identical brother’s vulnerable passed out body wondering What Aaron had to do to get an access to drugs when his mother was using all of hers.

[zephwritesonao3]

transmasc seth gordon shaved his head aged 10 and was grounded until it grew back out. transmasc seth gordon stole men's t-shirts and shorts from the clearance rack and cut them up to fit him. transmasc seth gordon has barbed wire tattooed over his top surgery scars. transmasc seth gordon got a beer bottle smashed over his head when he stopped responding to his birth name. transmasc seth gordon wanted to be exactly like his brothers and nothing like his father. transmasc seth gordon grew up with bite marks on his own wrists and scars down his legs. transmasc seth gordon split his knuckles when he learned how to fight. transmasc seth gordon got his first testosterone needle from a drug dealer, injected it in a dark alleyway behind the bar he worked in and loved every fucking second of it. transmasc seth gordon keeps his hair less than an inch long and shaves it every time he starts to hate himself. transmasc seth gordon threatens to break the jaw of anyone who calls him anything other than seth. transmasc seth gordon is getting more tattoos and sleeping shirtless and speeding down the highway with all the windows down. transmasc seth gordon.

[zephwritesonao3]

@levskinautique toi cette semaine (tant que tu fais pas des cliquetis je suis ok avec ça)

The migraine is getting weird (WIP)

[zephwritesonao3]

jean

[zephwritesonao3]

barbie "son of a serial killer"

barbie "unhinged'

barbie "you know i get it"

its so funny to me that Andrew buys Neil outfits. like. when Nicky delivers them to him he always says smth like “your clothes suck” or “you have nothing else appropriate to wear”. but Andrew literally doesn’t give a fuck about public perception ever. he shouldn’t care what Neil wears right? so the only natural conclusion is he just loves playing dress up w his favorite barbie

[zephwritesonao3]

yeah sorry about your boyfriend. no, yeah- his unspoken grief over his homoerotic situationship has made him lose grasp on reality. no, the jightmares are plaguing him more than ever. he uh, he doesn't know when he's asleep anymore. yeah- no of course i promise it has everything to do with the fact that said situationship is here too. yeah, so like, he cant really come home until he has mourned what happened. sorry again

[zephwritesonao3]

Coach Rhemann trying his best to support Jean but also trying to figure out if some oddities are result of:

abuse from his time in the nest

a French thing

just his personality

Coach Wymack is the only one he knows with experience of helping a former Raven de-transition from the Nest so he'll occasionally call Wymack and give a vague statement to try to see if Wymack has dealt with this with Kevin, while not giving too much away in case it's just a Jean thing.

-

Rhemann: So... some of my kids decided to take classes together, really stick to a buddy system sort of deal

Wymack: Yeah. It's a thing. Kevin's gotten better but he still gets anxious if he's alone.

-

Rhemann: Some of my players are really excelling in language arts. Which is great for their grades, but their imaginative descriptions really toe the line between feedback and a yellow card.

Wymack: Jean, right? Kid speaks three languages that I know of and I think he's most adept at insults in all of them. He had more than a few choice words for me and my team when he was out here.

-

Rhemann: A good thing about California is that it hardly ever rains.

Wymack: That's a good thing? Thought you guys were dealing with a drought.

Rhemann: Yeah, but sunshine and good weather most of the year. People don't have to worry about slick roads or getting wet.

Wymack: I guess?

Rhemann: Water.

Wymack: Hmm, yeah, not sure where you're getting at with this one. Whatever it is, I don't think mine had it.

[zephwritesonao3]

Hey sorry your boyfriend got kidnapped by his mob boss dad. Yeah when he said thank you back there he meant thanks for everything you’ve done for him, that was his goodbye because he’s going to die. No yeah he was in love with you, that’s what all the looks meant. Anyway. He’ll think of you kissing him when he’s being tortured by his father’s people as an escape. No I totally get why you might want to burn the world until you find him. Yeah yeah maybe start with choking your teammate for answers. Sorry again.

[zephwritesonao3]

Trying to get in Andrew's headspace long enough to write out his POV for the next chapter of the Twinyard therapy monologues might effectively destroy me. Just in case anyone was wondering. Lmao.

Aaron didn't want resolution, he wanted to prove something. Andrew wasn't sure what he was trying to prove, exactly, but he also didn't really care, even when his brother was spitting accusations across the room that labeled Andrew as some kind of traitor. He'd locked Aaron in a bathroom nearly four years ago and saved his life. That wasn't a fucking betrayal. That was an intervention. He didn't ask for consent because Aaron wouldn't have given it. Aaron was too far gone, and Andrew was the only one who'd seen it. The only one who'd even acted. Everyone else had looked away.  And now suddenly it was a problem? Now it was 'you took away my choice'? As if that was the part that mattered. Andrew didn't regret it. Not a single second. He wouldn't be sorry for keeping Aaron alive. He wasn't sorry for anything he'd done to keep his brother safe. He wasn't sorry for killing Tilda either. Some people didn't deserve the illusion of agency. He had the blood on his hands to prove it. Still, he hated how the words had stuck. How they echoed now and again, late at night when Fox Tower was quiet and Neil was a warm line of silence next to him on the roof. That was my choice to make. Was it? Would Aaron even be alive now if he'd been left alone? He didn't even think of it as a decision, because there hadn't been a choice to make. If someone was bleeding out, you didn't ask for permission to apply pressure. You stopped the bleeding. You stopped it, or they died. Detoxing Aaron had been the same thing. Maybe that was the problem, though. Aaron had wanted a choice, but if you let people say no when they're sixteen and high and halfway dead, they didn't live long enough to figure out they were wrong. But Andrew hadn't said that in the session. Hadn't said much of anything at all. He wasn't going to hand Aaron more ammunition he didn't need. Because Aaron always wanted to believe Andrew was playing god. Always looking for reasons to prove that Andrew enjoyed it. The control. The power. The choices. Aaron never actually saw the truth. That Andrew didn't enjoy any of it. He just couldn't afford to let anyone else be the one pulling the trigger.

[zephwritesonao3]

neil: *gets a papercut*

matt, yelling up at God: HASN'T HE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?!

[zephwritesonao3]

Dr. Aaron Minyard gets into the zone when it comes to operating that it takes him a while to come out of that headspace.

If Andrew visits him after a shift, Aaron will still have on his "doctor at work" voice and he subconsciously does a check up on Andrew like asking if his twin has any recent injuries or if he needs more fiber in his diet, unable to break the persona cuz he still has on his white coat.

And then mid impromptu examine where Andrew is just silently watching Aaron scold him for not eating enough veggies and massaging an old shoulder injury, Aaron stops being a doctor and returns to being just a brother, now ranting to Andrew on why he dared to show up without the ice cream he promised he'd get him after Aaron clocked in 48hrs at the hospital like a slave

That's the Aaron Andrew is used to. Being whiny and bitchy and not the pleasant professional. It always amazes Andrew to see this different side of Aaron who is the lead in surgeries that once needed a dire intervention from drugs if he wanted to become his dream career

[zephwritesonao3]

[zephwritesonao3]

thinking about total eclipse (1995) and applying to kevriko and oh gods my heart hurts now

"you don't care about my happiness, do you?" / "no, and neither should you"

"love doesn't exist — it's not love holding married people together. personal interest exists, sex exists but love? it has to be reinvented!" (drunk riko telling this to a heartbroken kevin)

[zephwritesonao3]

Romy Schneider in Henri-George Clouzot’s unfinished film from 1964, Inferno. Footage from the film was then released in the French 2009 documentary L’ Enfer de Henri-Georges Clouzot by Serge Bromberg.