#not at all to say that you can’t or shouldn’t think persona characters are trans

[a-sketchy]

persona’s one of those things where within the text everyone is cis and it makes that abundantly clear, like, constantly

[you-can-be-what-you-want-to-be]

Are you proship?

Ok I hope this doesn’t sound pretentious but I don’t really like the term proship.

There are certainly a lot of ships I don’t like. I barely ship to start with bc I’m aro so most ships I’m like they’re qpr or friends and I can’t do anything with incest.

But I don’t think we should hurt real life people over fictional characters. And I’m not crazy about real life fiction (note: I’m talking about real people not played personas where they forgot to change their name for the character. Like I’m not going to get mad at someone for rpf about the character John Malkovich from the movie being John Malkovich as played by John Malkovich or Jonathan sims as played by Jonny sims) but I think at worst the person it’s about could sue them for defamation or something like that. 

And I don’t trust people to say what’s good or not for the same reason I’m against the death penalty. There are genuinely stories out there that are bad, and there are genuinely vile people who might deserve to die. But the question isn’t what they deserve, the question is who makes the call? Who deserves that power and can be trusted by it? My mom thinks anything with gay people is depraved. I’ve seen people say that mentioning racism exists in a work is racist. I’ve seen people who miss the point of fight club as satire and think it’s about how cool fighting is and not a critique of capitalism and toxic masculinity. If people have the power to censor things that actually have bad things, how can I trust their judgement of bad is the same as my own? How can I trust all stories that talk about taboo real life relevant struggles and issues won’t be erased? How do I know it’s not people like my mother making that choice? They’re trying to ban books from schools all over the country right now, it isn’t that different, it’s just the person who’s controlling what’s banned. And I don’t think it’ll ever be anyone but allocishet white conservatives who in the big real life world, will be in control of that.

And a lot of those stories about “depraved” things are good and amazing and make life better! If I had read Lolita when I was like fifteen there’s a lot of bad stuff I could’ve avoided. Stories about complex morality make you question yourself and your situation. “Am I in that situation” or “am I treating people like that.” It wasn’t until I listened to welcome to nightvale that I realized that gay people are just people and started moving away from the way I had been raised. We NEED fiction about taboo subjects, and we NEED for it to be nuanced so people can learn from it.

I don’t want to get into a lot, but if I had seen depictions of horrible things happening from sympathetic characters my life would’ve been a lot better. It would’ve been easier to go “oh this is bad even if I sometimes get treated good or care about the person doing this. It’s bad behavior even if the he is incredibly nice and giving in every other aspect but this abuse.” Because some people are and in some ways and good in others! One of the most amazing giving people I know who’s almost gone bankrupt from how much he helps others was shitty. He was neglectful and propitiated emotional incest and said horrible things like that women were happier when they couldn’t vote and are all crazy, ugly, or trans, which was the biggest abomination he could think of.

And I was in that situation with that man for years, because he would wake up at 2am to answer a call and take an hour drive to scare off rapists. Shouldn’t have brought his two 14 year old kids but he was reliable for that kind of stuff. He would invite homeless people over to stay the night and would sleep on the couch so they had the bed. He would walk miles just to help someone with a flat tire.

And if I had something that said “abusers can love you and be the kindest person you ever met”, something most people call glorification? I could’ve gotten out 8 years earlier. So we need these stories, it’s hardly their fault that people can’t delve into what a story means, can’t see things like Lolita as more than a romance. Sometimes abusers are people you like and that’s important, because you need to be able to click that and leave anyway.

So while I don’t like the term proship, I am absolutely against censoring fiction, no matter what it’s about.

[rad-weekend]

Cactus Fruit Sorbet, Cherry Garcia

ice cream flavors ( no longer accepting ! )

cactus fruit sorbet: a “this shouldn’t work but it does” headcanon.

Okay I’m going to sound insane for a second and go with my headcanon that like somehow no one else has - as far as I’ve seen. And based off of how Akito seems at a first glance - I would consider it a very “this doesn’t work but it does” type headcanon. To say it bluntly - I headcanon Akito as transfem / gender non-conforming / nonbinary. Specifically - before getting his egg cracked. I do think he still prefers he/him pronouns and masculine terminology and people familiar with Akito might wonder why I even headcanon this; but it works. A big key point of Akito’s character is voice insecurity. And yes - it’s because he wants to be a singer, but has been told by people in the music industry that he’s not talented enough to chase the dream he wants to chase. But let’s look at some other things. Akito canonically expresses a desire to attend Miyamasuzaka Girl’s Academy. Which, as you can tell, is a private school that only accepts female students. It’s a very random, offhanded comment he makes. But instead of this being shot down because he’s a boy - Toya makes a comment that they have tough exams there, which Akito wouldn’t be good with since he’s got bad grades as is. He seems somewhat embarrassed by bringing it up, and quickly shifts the focus to his grades.  He has a deep rooted interest in fashion - which of course, anyone can have. But if we look at Project Sekai’s trends the other character in canon who has an interest in fashion like Akito does is Mizuki - the canon transfem character. 

Akito also has a lot of image insecurity. He tends to overcompensate his masculinity - like being embarrassed about enjoying cute things and sweets, and preferring to hide that interest. He’s embarrassed about going to amusement parks because he’s “a teenage boy, and they don’t go to amusement parks” even though he seems to ultimately have fun there. He refuses to carry around a large plush toy Toya wins, because he’s afraid of how it will make him look. He puts on a polite, fake persona when meeting with strangers for the first time so they like him more - which is also a trauma response he has but I’m not going on two tangents here. He says a lot of things that make it seem like he can’t enjoy certain things because “I’m a boy” but almost all of those things, are things he likes behind the curtains.  Also, this part was just part of my trans journey, but Akito canonically seems to get along better with girls that he does boys, with the exception of Toya. And sure, Project Sekai has a majority female cast, but he still acts different around them and does a lot of the things he does with Toya with them - like hanging out, and having a difficult time saying no to things they want to do, even if it’s something he thinks will be embarrassing for him in the end.  So to me, as a trans guy, I could be getting things wrong! I’m not transfem, but Akito really reads to me as someone with at least some kind of gender, needing to have his egg cracked. People like to use Akito as the “most cisgender guy” in Project Sekai but he really just reads to me as someone in denial! Which we know he does a lot - he denies things he enjoys, so he can fit the image people have for him. Which isn’t really him. 

cherry garcia - role model / inspiration headcanon 

Akito has a VERY clear inspiration and role model in canon material - being Ken, the owner of his favorite café and member of the disbanded street music group, The RADDers. Ken and the rest of the RADDers, and the street music event they hosted before retiring - RAD WEEKEND - are the reason Akito started pursuing music. Ken is also the only adult in the series that Akito actually is polite and respectful towards, being the only one he uses honorifics for aside from MEIKO. There’s a lot of canon material about Akito looking up to Ken - like owning all of his CDs, frequenting his café, looking towards him to get advice. But I do think he views Ken as one of the only adult figures that actually respects him back, and doesn’t care about his “talent”. Ken genuinely cheers Akito and the rest of Vivid BAD SQUAD on when it comes to their dreams of surpassing RAD WEEKEND, which I believe is something new to Akito, given he’s often the one in the group that’s considered the “weak link” by other characters in Project Sekai - both main characters, and side characters.

Given Akito is a child who was raised in a house that highly values “talent” and he views himself as someone who isn’t talented in what he does - I definitely think his admiration for Ken goes beyond an inspiration. Given how the VBS Sekai’s MEIKO is a very motherly figure, and is canonically based off how all the kids see Ken, I think it’s really safe to headcanon that to Akito - Ken is kind of like the father who actually pays attention to him, beyond talent.

[heron-iles]

Well I’ve been wanting to write this for a long time. This is going to be a long post so I’ll put a “read more”, but for those who are interested, I want to talk about male characters with dresses and how some people turn that into a fetish instead of normalizing it.

Well first of all, we need to talk about yaoi.

We all know what yaoi is, and if you don’t god I wish I were you. Yaoi acordiding to wikipedia is “a genre of fictional media originating in Japan that features homoerotic relationships between male characters. Though it is typically created by women for women and is distinct from homoerotic media marketed to gay men, it attracts a male audience and can be produced by male creators.” I think the definition is problematic enough to know that yaoi isn’t a genre that features and normalize mlm relationships, and it’s more of a genre for women who look for something they think it’s “morbid”.

Well after explaining what yaoi is and how their fans (fujoshis) are, one of the biggest damages to society that yaoi has done is the “uke/seme” or “top/ bottom” dynamic. Yes we all have done “top/bottom” jokes in the past, but we need to be aware of the connotations. This “uke/seme” thing, basically makes a gay relationship into a straight relationship. Let me explain myself, basically we all know that wlw and mlm relationships are different from straight relationships, but what yaoi fans do is, turn those mlm relationships into basically a straight relationship, putting one of the guys into the “woman” role. This is actually wrong in a lot of ways, from the fact that it stablish a dynamic of “strong man” to “soft uwu boy” to the fact that it’s even  mysoginistic. There isn’t a man and a woman in a mlm relationship. There isn’t a man and a woman in a wlw relationship. Please stop trying to reduce every single lgbt+ couple into a man and a woman.

Now that I’ve explained what yaoi is and the problem of the uke/seme relationship, let’s talk about the issue why I’m writing this: dresses.

We all know that, there is still people out there that think that only women can wear dresses. Yeah, probably most of us know that this isn’t true and EVERYBODY can wear a dress if they want, because a piece of cloth shouldn’t be tied to your gender identity. But you know, we would be living in an ideal world if we all tought that. Out there, there are a lot of wrong ways of representing men in dresses, from genderbenders that are transphobic to  putting that male character into a dress but treating him like a “soft uwu I’m baby please senpai not treat me bad” way. Yes, they are men in dresses but, why do you need to give them a completely different personality? Why do you need to draw them in a more feminine way in comparison to others? I mean, art styles are different, maybe your art style is feminine, but when you draw your men with dresses in a different way to your men with pants, maybe, just maybe, you are fetishizing them.

Wait I mean is, yes men can obviously act feminine or have feminine features but what I’m talking is about the intention of drawing them like that. The intention of completely changing the way you treat a character once he has a dress, the intention of changing their personality, the intention of making a joke out of it.

I don’t want to directly name animes or media where you can see men being fetishized because I don’t want to cause any kind of drama directly with any fandom but instead, I will talk about a character that represents in a good way the concept of “dresses are not assigned to gender”.

Here you have Shirayuki Fuuma, he is an idol from the idol unit Dolce (from honeyworks). I only read the manga once and there are better people in the fandom to talk about him, but he is a boy who wears dresses for his idol persona. He isn’t forced, it’s his own decision (talking specially about this because most of the bad ways or representing men in dresses have somethin to do with being forced) and most important, it’s treated with respect. With respect, I’m not only refering to in universe, I’m also talking outside of the canon. Fuuma wasn’t created with the intention of being a joke. Fuuma wasn’t created as a way to attract fujoshis, Fuuma wasn’t created as an “uwu soft boy in a dress”. Fuuma was created just like any other character. 

I haven’t found good full body pictures of Fuuma without his idol clothes, but here you have a comparison just to show how you can draw a man with a dress without changing anything more than the clothes. (also, one thing I forgot to say, Fuuma also wears dresses outside of concerts).

As you can see, everything is the same, the only difference is the clothes!! But the character is treated with respect!!

There are a lot of characters like him, but some of them are a bit problematic. With problematic I’m not talking about the character, I’m actually talking about the miscommunication between the creator and the fandom. Sometimes creators are lazy, or it isn’t clear if they are trying to be inclusive, or it is a joke. This is when fandom wars happen, because some people headcanon the character as something but other people don’t.

Have you heard about transcoding? Is basically gaycoding but with trans people. Characters who in media are presented as cis, or even say that they are cis but, you can see that there is a subtext there, a subtext that makes you think that they are trans and maybe the creators were not able to make that canon (or they were dumb and wanted to make a cis character, but they didn’t realize the subtext they were creating). This starts a lot of wars in fandoms, the headcanon that someone has against the "canon”. I’m only bringing this up to say two things.

1- Please people have headcanons, shut up if you don’t like it, you don’t need to make a post saying “X IS NOT TRANS BECAUSE LOOK AT THIS SCREENSHOT”

2- Headcanons are valid!!! But never forget that clothes doesn’t have gender, so don’t assume that just because a guy wears a dress or a girl wears boyish clothes they are trans (but I repeat, headcanons are valid!! What I’m trying to say here is that you don’t need these cases of people wearing the clothes of their opposite gender to say they are trans, literally every character can be headcanonned as trans!)

At first, I wasn’t going to talk about this, but I remember the constant wars with characters like Chihiro from Danganronpa or Forrest from Fire Emblem Fates and I thought it was important to talk about this. Headcanons are always valid until they are offensive towards others, so stop creating wars around headcanons.

I can’t actually think about anything more to talk about so long story short, men can wear dresses, dont’ fetishize men wearing dresses, with men I mean ALL men (I’m looking directly at you terfs) and fuck everyone if you like a headcanon it’s your headcanon don’t let people invalidate it.

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [WATTPAD]

Sorry about the long delay in updates. My life's been a bit up and down of late; good things and bad. Hopefully things will settle soon. Either way, I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

CHAPTER NINE

This was definitely a new one on Rise Kujikawa. She felt like the world had turned upside down — again — and she was supposed to navigate her way without a map or a compass. Where to begin?

"What… are you- oh come on, liking girls doesn't make you a boy. Has that really been worrying you all this time?"

Ai blinked across at her for a few seconds. "What? Oh, yes, but… Rise-chan, I'm trying to tell you something pretty major. Aren't you paying attention?"

"Come on, you're not a boy! Regardless of why you think you are, so like, you can cut that out right now. Okay?" She reached over to take up her hand and squeeze it firmly between both of her own, trying to ignore the way Ai whimpered. "We're friends. If you never want to kiss me again, that's okay, but just wanting to kiss me a couple times? Does not mean you're a boy, or messed up, or me and you have to move to Ni-Chome, or anything. It's all good."

Ebihara remained quiet for a second, simply holding her friend's hand. Looking more than a little lost. "Well, Ni-Chome is right around the corner from here… and that's where… people like us go. Right?"

"Hey! There's no 'people like us', we're just people!"

"Ugh, I know," she burst out in irritation at herself, suddenly standing up and pacing back and forth in front of Rise. "I know! It's so stupid that I get in my own head about this, but I can't just enjoy anything. Why am I like this? Do I have no chill?!"

"Guess not." When Ai stopped to glare at her, she rolled her eyes. "Well, you really don't! I'm not saying it's bad or you're bad, but you do need to learn how to relax."

But she kept pacing. Rise had just about given up and assumed that was the end of the discussion, and that she should go back to trying to find another song to sing — when Ai suddenly knelt down in front of her, hands gripping the sofa on either side of the idol's hips.

"Wha- hey, what are you doing?!"

"Getting your attention, girl. I need you to really hear me."

"God, I hear you just fine! We just got done agreeing you don't need to make a big deal out of every-"

"My birth name was Aihiko," she pushed ahead stubbornly, such a fierce determination in her eyes that Rise had to fight down the instinct to cower. Even drunk, she could be a real force of nature. "And I always knew that didn't fit me. It just took me until really late in elementary school before I figured out why.

"What I told you and the others before was true. I was always bullied, always called 'Piggy-hara' because I was fat. Because I didn't fit in, anywhere. No matter how many times I looked at the sports clubs, at the manly men I was supposed to look up to, my parents told me I would become someday… I didn't want to. I wanted to be Taeko Ohnuki, or Utada — I wanted to be Sailor Moon. All the other boys would fight over being Red Hawk when we played Featherman; I was too happy to be Pink Argus, when nobody else would want to touch that character unless we were playing with another girl. My whole life, I knew… I just didn't have a word for it. Not until… Ikko."

When she didn't continue for a moment, Rise cleared her throat to prompt quietly, "Ikko?"

"The talk show host. Trans and fabulous. I could see right there on my television screen, in front of my crying eyes thanks to another day of bullying and shame, a woman who was born like me — living her truth, live and in colour in front of the whole country. And sure, those talk shows are a little corny, but to me, as a little boy who thought he was just going to be broken for the rest of his life? They looked like hope."

"Oh… Ikko, yeah. Think I've seen her on Shin Domoto Kyoudai, and um, Onee MANS. Yeah." Rise was struggling to keep up mentally. She felt like any second now, the whole thing was going to come crashing down around her ears…

"Believe me, I know this is a lot to take in," she said with a sigh, brow creasing in concern for her friend. Which Rise thought was encouraging. "But once I realized who and what I was, and we were now suddenly filthy fucking rich, I asked my parents to help me be who I always was. Ironic that my mother was against it and my father was only too happy to help, but I mean, life is weird. And I have never really looked back… until now. With you."

"With me? Wait, wait… I feel like I'm losing my mind a little bit here. Do I have this right? You were born as a boy — which there's no way I can believe, just look at you! But because of some talk show host, and a bunch of mean kids who were jerks to you, you decided you didn't want to be a boy anymore?"

Ai grimaced. "That is… an oversimplification, but essentially, yes."

"And now you think you made the wrong choice because…" A hard swallow. "Me. Because you like me." Ai gave a small nod. "Whoa."

"You don't believe me." Her head fell forward until it was resting on Rise's shoulder. Now that they were so close, she could feel how badly her friend was trembling. "I should have known. Stupid. Why do I always think I know better, and things will go differently? Do I have brain damage? Maybe that's it, maybe it's brain damage and I need to be admitted to some kind of facility with padded walls and electroshock."

"Shut up already, wow…" Her hand came up to gently caress over Ai's hair. "Listen... It's not that I want to be skeptical. I can tell you aren't just screwing around, but come on, how do you expect me to believe any of this? You are gorgeous! And Ikko, she's also really pretty but I can tell she was born a boy. You? No way. It's just too crazy to be possible — and if you only knew some of the things I've seen, you would know I don't say that for no reason!"

Ai nodded glumly. Defeated. That was really the only word for it, and Rise felt awful, but she also couldn't flick a switch and suddenly not have that healthy dose of skepticism. Who would believe a story like this right out of the gate with absolutely zero proof right in front of their eyes?

"Sorry," Rise finally whispered in a small voice.

"Why? Nothing to be sorry about. In fact, I know you won't get it, but you really helped me today."

"Huh? How did I do that? By not believing you?!"

"Exactly." Standing up again, she brushed off the front of her long skirt studiously. "If it's so inconceivable to you that I could have been a boy in a past life, then I guess that means I'm not crazy for pursuing my dream — living life as who I am inside. So I guess… thank you."

That sinking feeling swirling around in Rise's stomach was getting stronger. Maybe Ai wasn't kidding. But that was insane! Sure, Naoto had been able to hide her gender for a little while, but it wasn't as easy going in the other direction. If Ai were a boy in disguise, she would be doing things to hide certain aspects of her anatomy. Such as…

Such as a frilly lace collar around her neck. At all times.

"Is… what's… under here…?"

Her fingers barely came in contact with the collar when Ebihara took a step backwards — and literally tripped over the coffee table, sprawling on her back on the carpet with a ghastly yelp. Rise hurried around to crouch over her.

"I'm sorry! God, I'm really sorry, are you all right?!"

"Y-yeah," she groaned, even though she was holding her head, which indicated that no, she probably wasn't.

"I just wanted to ask about that collar," Rise said while helping her sit up. "But I didn't mean to scare you, I probably should have asked before I reached for it."

"Yeah, you should have. But it's no big deal." The phone buzzed again. "Ugh. It's getting late, we probably shouldn't ask for more time. This way we can maybe slip back in before final period and avoid catching hell."

"Hah! No way can we make it back in time, I really don't think so. But keep dreaming."

"Always," Ai offered with a slight smirk.

                                      ~ o ~

But as her friend answered the phone and she started gathering up their things, Rise's brain was swirling with far too many thoughts. They followed her out of the karaoke establishment and all the way back to the train platform, into the car itself. At least it wasn't as crowded as it would be if they caught a later train, even though they still had a good hour and a half left in their trip. Her poor young mind was plagued by a thousand questions, anxieties, and just random thoughts that were so unwelcome but wouldn't seem to go away for anything.

Could all that craziness actually be true? No. It was so impossible and ludicrous. Yet Ai had said every word with conviction, and no trace of uncertainty. Either this was one of the most convincing scams of all time, or…

Could she really be a boy?

Just glancing over at the flawlessly beautiful profile of Ai Ebihara was seemingly enough to put that possibility to death. Impossible. Even though Rise knew that there were women out there who had been born different, and she very vaguely understood the concept, she didn't know any of them personally. Any she had seen in popular media were various degrees of feminine and pretty, but still obviously not born the way she was; there were readily apparent differences. None of which she observed when looking at her new best friend. How was she supposed to believe such a wild story?

But she couldn't completely let go of how earnestly Ai had looked at her when confessing about her alleged condition. If she really were full of shit, she probably would have never tried to sell it so hard; what did she have to gain by it? Anything? Not as far as she could tell, no matter how she tried to look at it. There was no impetus for her to make up such a wild tale.

So then… crazy as it was, if she had nothing to gain by lying…

'No way, though!' she screamed internally, clamping her eyes shut for a moment as the train bumped along toward Yasoinaba. 'She's so perfect, she's prettier than me. Why is she doing this to me? Why lie? I don't know what to think anymore!'

Her thoughts were interrupted by a hand slipping into her own. Rise peeled open her eyes to see her friend, this beautiful woman who she was suspecting of horrible lies, smiling gently over at her with a concerned expression. Her heart melted. It didn't clear up any confusion at all, but she couldn't pretend this girl was being cruel to her for no reason. Not when she looked at her like that.

"You okay?"

"Y-yeah! Great! Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I'm a horrible bitch for dropping a bombshell on you," Ai supplied quietly. "You should be pissed."

"Nope. I mean… okay, I do have a question." When there was no reply, Rise continued, "Why didn't you just show me?"

"Show you what?

"You know…"

Ai blinked at her friend's reddening features for a couple of seconds until she got it, and her lip curled. "Oh, what the fuck? You want me to just flash you?!"

"NO!" A few people turned to look at the two of them, and she double-checked that her hat was hiding her trademark hair again. "Not here! And I didn't say I wanted you to, I'm just, y'know… wouldn't that have been the easiest way? To prove what you were telling me?"

"Yeah, I guess so, but that seems really gross. Besides…"

When she didn't finish her thought, Rise nudged her with her elbow. "Hey, c'mon, don't chicken out now. We literally just made out so I don't think there's any reason to be shy anymore."

"I mean, okay, but it's not about feeling shy. I was going to say I had hoped you would believe me."

Damn. That really cut her to the core. But she couldn't even get upset about it, because as Ai said, she hadn't been holding back because she was shy. Obviously, she wasn't sure it was kind of her to issue a pseudo accusation like that. Her own fault for digging.

"Y-yeah. I can see why you would think that, but I mean, I've just never thought about anything like this before. It doesn't have anything to do with you! Yukiko or Chie could tell me the same exact thing and I would be just as skeptical. Does… I mean, do you hate me?"

"No," Ai whispered with quiet urgency, gripping her hand tighter. And Rise gripped back; she needed the comfort, and wanted her bestie to know that none of this meant she was going anywhere.

"You're sure?"

"Really, really sure. I'm sad you didn't believe me but I can't deny you have a point; as great as it is to know I look good enough to pass even when I'm telling you about it point-blank — seriously it's a huge relief, you will never know — I guess this is the one downside."

Rise tipped to the side until her head was resting on Ai's shoulder. She still felt dizzy. This was a nightmare and a dream, and she just wanted to go back to yesterday. Before she had been told impossible things that had to be true, because it was actually stranger that they be lies. It was like some kind of…

Magic.

"I'm being stupid," she finally breathed aloud as the revelation hit her like a bolt out of the blue. How could she have been looking at this so backwards?!

"What?"

"Nothing," she whispered. "Just… I've seen some pretty crazy stuff in my life. You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Ai definitely wouldn't believe her. "And I'm sitting here, thinking it's too weird that you might have been born a boy? That's so dumb!"

Clearly taking that in a slightly different manner, her friend chuckled and said, "There you go. I mean, you were in the entertainment industry."

"It's not like it is in the west, Ebi-chan. Like… a little, but when I toured the U.S.? Lots of people like that, all the makeup artists, and… you know, that Lady Gaga?" Ai shook her head. "She's really big over there, I have one of her albums somewhere."

"Bring it over, then. I mean, if she's queer, I want to hear her."

"Well, I don't know she is, but she has this whole… you know, dressing like a drag queen, big feathers and meat dresses! Crazy stuff!" They both laughed together, relaxing into the closeness. Like it should be.

"Either way, bring it," Ai said, interrupting her weird stomach-upside-down moment of realising what she had just been thinking. "I mean, don't expect me to choose her over Mariya, but…"

Rise giggled and whispered, "Or me. Because you're not a fan of my trash music."

"HEY! Shut the fuck up, I never said- UGH, you are a pain in the ASS." An airy sigh as she kissed the top of Rise's head. "You're lucky you're so cute."

Full blush. Rise was glad for her sunglasses and hat or she would have died of embarrassment. Biting her lip, she reached up to pull Ai closer, almost snuggling into her as best she could on the uncomfortable train seats. All she wanted was for the world to fall away, leaving them to revel in the escape from their reality. Their escape into each other.

"I'm scared."

"Me too."

"Really?" Rise whispered. "I'm… I don't even know… what to think. Are we lesbians? Or, because you were a boy, is it just…"

"Honestly? I don't know, either. That's why I was freaking out earlier. But now, I…" She cleared her throat and said, almost fearfully, "I think 'lesbian' could be the right word. Though I did really like Yu… ugh, I'm a lost cause."

"No," she snapped at her, looking up into her eyes. "Hey. You're the number one hottie of Yasogami High. Everybody says so."

"They say I'm a bitch, too."

"So? You've earned being a little bit of a bitch for a while. But I do think it's time to put the bitchy-pants away and start being Ai Ebihara again. Or, um…" Then she laughed in embarrassment.

"What?" she asked, brow furrowed in preemptive fear.

"I forgot already. Your real name; you told me, I just… you're Ebi-chan, I can't remember it."

"Oh. Well, it doesn't matter, because that's not really me anymore. Like you with 'Risette'; you cringe every time anyone says it. Even just now."

"Huh?! No, I didn't!"

"You so did, Rise-cheese."

The pop star puffed out her cheeks angrily as she glared up at her best friend. Then she pouted extra hard. "You can't make fun of me. It's mean."

"Thought you said I earned the right to be a bitch," Ai teased with a half-smirk.

"Not to ME! And I also said you can stop now! Hmph." Then she turned away from her, folding her arms over her chest as she glared away into the compartment.

"Oh wow, dramatic." But when Rise didn't turn back after a minute, she grabbed her upper arm and shook it slightly. "Come on… you can't really be this mad." More silence. A little desperation began to enter Ai's voice. "Rise… wait, wait, you're pissed off because I called you 'cheese'?!"

"I'm not cheese." But she did peek over her shoulder, and saw Ai looking legitimately conflicted. So she laughed awkwardly and turned back around, raising a hand to smooth over her hair. "Sorry… hey, I'm sorry. I was just messing around."

Ai dipped her head, expression just as conflicted as before. "This… is hard. Wow. I knew it was dumb, and you were being dumb, and I wanted to give you more shit, but my heart just started hurting, and…"

That was quite a wealth of feelings. Rise felt a little worried; would Ai really be able to handle what they were getting themselves into? Would either of them? Unable to hold back anymore, she threw her arms around her and pulled her in for the tightest hug she could manage.

"Ebi-chan… we'll be fine. Don't be so down, don't… don't lose track of what's good between us. How we fit together."

"Yeah?" she asked shakily. "You mean, how we have nothing in common, and didn't know each other before the past few weeks, a-and… and why would you even like me?"

"We have a lot in common. We like singing, and daifuku, and Korean dramas. And we both know what it's like for people not to be able to see you for who you really are; to make a lot of assumptions about you based on your appearance." Her brow furrowed, even while she was speaking. "Oh… and I guess that was even worse for you when you were a kid, huh? If you were a boy… and you felt like a girl inside… is… I mean, did I say that right? Do I know what I'm talking about?"

The softest chuckle floated out of Ai's lips as she pushed her face against Rise's neck. The nose and lips felt warm, and soft, and a little moist where she was speaking against her skin… creating goosebumps in the wake of the breath. "You're saying everything right. You always do. Probably an idol superpower."

"Maybe," she admitted with a light laugh, some of her anxiety beginning to melt away. "But I promise I'll only use it for good. I'll do my best!"

"God, you can't even turn it off. So gross!"

"You don't have to call me 'gross'! That's not nice!"

"Hey, I'm totally nice. What would you do without me being so 'nice' you want to punch a baby?"

When Rise pulled back, the most horrified expression on her face at that last bit of imagery, Ai burst out laughing so hard that she had to double over, arms wrapped around her middle. The mirth was catching; Rise giggled until she snorted like a pig, then was covering her face with both hands in shame while her supposed best friend guffawed openly at her. And she wouldn't have had it any other way, mortifying as it was. At least it meant the worst was over.

Wasn't it?

                                       To Be Continued…

[drake-the-incubus]

Cold takes

“Genderbends are extremely transphobic and misogynistic”

“If you want to genderbend a character, make them trans”

The reason they’re cold is... honestly this is too much of a blanket statement that hurts trans folks too.

1) A genderbend isn’t 1:1 with a trans headcanon, that idea is p transphobic. Expecially considering if you’re genderbending a dude to a gal, the idea behind that is either:

A) Make them a trans dude, which if you want a chick, well, I shouldn’t have to explain how that’s transphobic.

B) Make them a trans woman, which also can play into transmisogyny. Because well, a cis male character as a trans women, is going to probably be played out pretty badly, and honestly half the time, they want a different backstory.

C) Y’all want to watch the transphobia by comparing us to a genderbend, ignoring the fact we’re not on par with just swapping a person’s gender, and in fact are people who identify outside of our gender at birth.

2) Elaborating on that- and this isn’t true for a chunk of genderbends- but mainly it’s about socialization and enjoying the character well enough to decide to indulge in the knowledge of what the character would be like.

I know several trans folk who have used that as a tool to explore their own gender by following in the footsteps of genderbending a character/their persona. In fact, genderbends were a lot of my exploration as a teen, because of my home life. I’m maybe a bit salty at the entire concept that it’s so horrible and awful because y’all hate nuance.

3) Genderbends and trans headcanons aren’t mutually exclusive. AU where the OG cis man character is actually a trans woman who found out years earlier? Genderbend.

Genderbends are literally just changing the character’s gender and how they experience their gender. Trans headcanons can follow suit.

Fuck, want an example. My favourite headcanon for Matt- personalized HC- is Matt’s a trans dude, which makes Matilda a trans gal. They’re both trans. Wowee. Strange concept I know. They surprisingly work well enough together.

You feel like X character would be better as genderfluid between Demi genders? Fuck it’s a genderbend.

Surprisingly, out of all the tropes, Genderbends are the most fluid and non-shitty tropes I’ve seen in fandoms.

Can they be misogynistic and transphobic? Absolutely, but so can a lot of tropes if done poorly. Nine times out of ten though, the person making the AU or story with the gender swap isn’t looking for trans characters, and I’m honestly tired of the same god damn argument.

Like, y’all say you’re against transphobia then outright state that Genderbends are transphobic because trans headcanons are better. Like I’m sorry, I didn’t get the memo that I’m either GIRL LITE or MAN LITE. ‘Cause for a trans headcanon to be comparable to a genderbend, ya’ll must think that we’re either not true men or we’re secretly woman. Otherwise, congrats, you making a chick a trans dude is literally a genderbend.

If ya can’t tell, I’m kinda very salty over this. Particularly at the whole transphobic concept we’re pretty much Genderbends. Like, if you all took one second to realize how transphobic that concept was, you’d probably stop, I’d hope.

Genderbends ain’t replaceable by trans headcanons, but trans Genderbends are totally a thing.

Not to mention, gonna directly say this now, what do you all thing the remake of the Ghostbusters movie was? What about other media that has changed male characters to female ones to balance things out and completely differentiate the story?

Surprisingly, aspects of life change when the world has got gender roles, things that aren’t quite comparable to exploration of a character that’s trans vs changing the gender altogether.

Sidenote: Rant was brought on by the umpteenth time seeing “Ellsworld is transphobic/misogynistic”. Because for some reason, giving the gals pretty spot on personalities to their male counterpoints, making them just as capable and giving them diverse designs was transphobic and misogynistic. And therefore all the derivatives are.

Also, there’s a conversation on how Genderbends are transphobic/misogynistic, but until people stop fucking like, forgetting what literacy nuance is, it’s a pointless endeavour at this point.

[lycanguts]

CALLOUT POST FOR A PAST ABUSER/MANIPULATOR

So this is definitely not my usual type of content, I don’t like causing unnecessary drama but this is inexcusable. It's probably weird seeing this in a fandom tag but these are his main interests and if it could be boosted in this communities it might save some people.

Tumblr user @yucee is a terrible person both in how he acts and how he treats other people, he’s manipulative, quick to deflect blame and never takes responsibility for his actions. As if that wasn’t bad enough he's also a pedophile.

This post will not only contain my testimonial but the testimonials of two others who also met him.

This one is a doozy but I recommend reading it, I want as many people as possible to see his true nature (especially anyone >22 years old).

I would like make it known that he loves to play the victim in any scenario regardless of whose fault it actually is (most of the time it’s his however, he has a real hard time accepting blame for anything).

While my trauma is not as severe as others who have come in contact with him he ruined what was supposed to be a fun weekend with my friends as well as our first meeting which should’ve been something amazing.

Unfortunately I deleted our conversations on Discord as I didn’t think when I did I would be making this type of post, thankfully his tumblr messenger is still open to me as well as a few text messages post-meetup. Most things that revealed his true nature were said during voice chat so most of these messages are only a small glimpse at what an awful person he is.

My Testimonial:

Hello my name is Anthony, I'm 22 years old and I had met yucee three years back when we had a mutual friend. While we didn’t have much in common he seemed like a nice enough guy and someone I’d like to befriend. We had similar tastes in pokemon as well as similar music tastes, and while we had known each other for three years we hadn’t really talked consistently until mid 2017. It was around the latter half of this year that I had developed feelings for him and after a few weeks of hesitation I asked him out and was excited when he said “yes”. Had third been months ago I’d say our relationship was a good one, he accepted me for who I was and I was just happy to find another trans guy with no interest in anything sexual.

However looking back now I realize not only was Yucee extremely self centered but he made sure to link me to his “coping” fic every other day expecting me to read he one sentence he had added while when I would send him my art it was a 50/50 chance I would ever receive good feedback if any at all (his comments were either “cute” or “gay”, sometimes he would just ignore it altogether).

Did I mention he also invited himself to the convention I attended this summer? Around mid March I had planned on asking him as I was going to test the waters and see if by describing my con experiences it would be something he would be interested in attending possibly next year, however as soon as I brought up I was going to a convention he chirped in with “I want to go too!”. He was excited, I was too, and we soon began to make plans to meet each other. During this time let me point out how he would say things like “are we going to be around your friends the entire convention?” and “since you always get to see your friends can I have you to myself?” And “next year, if you still like me then, I want to go to MTAC, just you and me I don’t want your friends there.” And other things of this nature. At first I thought he was just joking around but it became evident to me after the fact that he was becoming extremely possessive of me to the point he was already picking out what costume I would wear for MTAC. Not only this but when he learned me and my friends had already planned a cosplay group he became upset because we were dating so we should’ve had matching costumes. Again this was mid March and the convention was early in early June, I had been working on what costumes I had since December. He was dead set on cosplaying persona characters and while I liked persona I didn’t think I’d have enough time to throw a costume together. Eventually he seemed pleased enough I’d be cosplaying Akira Fudo while he cosplayed Akira from persona, but he still complained that me and my friend were acting more like a couple than he and I were because I had a matching cosplay with her, “we’re boyfriends we should be matching he’d say”. Again, my friends plan our convention going experience well in advance, Yucee had pushed himself into our plans and was upset that nothing was going his way 100%, and that reflected in his behavior at the convention (we’ll get to that shitshow soon enough).

So it’s planning time, we have a few months, I tell him what kinds of things he can buy in the vendor hall and he starts buying his costumes and he estimates he’ll be able to save at least $800 of his SSI checks up to the point, but him being the impulsive man he is he had barely $300. He didn’t even buy his own ticket, he had spent all of his check from May on even more akeshu prints and costume stuff so he didn’t have enough to pay for a preregistration ticket (these closed on may 31st), so I offered to buy his ticket if he paid me back when I came to get him.

When it came to the issue of how he was going to get to my home I of course offered to drive him as long as he helped with gas and such.

Many, many times I assured him I would come and get him, I even had my car worked on just so I could be confident it would make the trip, but every so often he would say things like “I shouldn’t even be planning this, none of my plans ever work out.”

Every time this came up I assured him that it wouldn’t be an issue, while I had never made a trip this long by myself before I was more than willing.

Whenever I picked him up he gave me $50 for gas when he should’ve given me $150 ($100 for gas there and back, $50 for the ticket). But if we wanna get technical he also owed me an extra $50 on top of this, money he said he’d pay me during the convention (he didn’t). I had bought him a pair of shoes for a costume he didn’t wear (because he was too busy wearing my Guzma shoes) and two face products he used twice but stopped using after it didn’t work fast enough for his liking.

The $50 he had given me however was money he had guilted his dad into giving him, his dad couldn’t meet me halfway because he had stomach issues and was worried he wouldn’t be able to make the trip, which I was fine with, but he had told me he would ask his dad for more money from his monthly check because it was “his [dad’s] fault” I would have to drive the whole way. Also when I first was introduced to his father he introduced me as his boyfriend when I had made it VERY clear that I wanted to be introduced as only a friend, so he outted me without even considering my feelings.

For most of the car ride back he complained constantly about the heat, I had warned him my A/C was on the fritz but he continuously brought t up ever few minutes that he was hot. It was a four hour car ride.

As for the convention itself I will condense it to bullets because there’s a LOT to dive into.

June 7th (Day Before Con)

-I had warned him that he would have to come to work with me when he stayed at my house, since he was unaccustomed to waking up early I offered to wake him twenty minutes before I left (8:00 AM). The moment he woke up he didn’t wish me a happy birthday, the first words out of his mouth were “what are we doing for breakfast?” When I offered him one of my protein bars he made he comment how that wouldn’t fill him up and how he needed something with sodium, he then proceeded to try to get me to cook him a can of soup. This was five minutes before I was supposed to leave to pick up my friend/coworker. I made him a peanut butter sandwich because peanut butter is filling and added a bit of salt because salty peanut butter is good. He didn’t even finish the sandwich, handed it back to me with two bites out of it and continued to complain about being hungry until lunch time.

-When my friend was talking about how shitty her parent was Yucee responded with “if that was my dad I would just stand up to him” without realizing that my friend’s parent is verbally and emotionally abusive to her, unlike his dad who I assume just doesn’t coddle him like his mom did. He would say often how his dad was a terrible person and then turn around and say he couldn't wait for his dad to get a settlement (which he intended to give Yucee a good part of). His dad is also accepting of him and supportive of him to the point he even is helping fund his T shots/top surgery. When I told him that my friend's parent was not his father he immediately fired back with "Oh well you can't compare suffering."

You're probably wondering why I referred to my friend's parent as her parent as opposed to her "mother", well about that...

This is in his about. We’ll get into this later.

-We’re short staffed at work, he offered to help. He refused to do litterboxes because of the smell, it took three times of asking him to sweep for me to eventually hand him the broom to sweep, he proceeded to wildly rock the broom back and fourth saying he didn’t know how to sweep, I then asked him to do dishes since he didn’t know how to sweep (he didn’t do the dishes).

-Asked me if he could wear my new pair of shoes because he didn’t have the foresight to pack a comfortable pair of shoes that weren’t for a costume ; whined when I said no because as I said these were my new shoes and a birthday present, continued to complain about how much his feet hurt in my old pair of work shoes I lent him.

-Did I mention he constantly stated that the government pays him to not know anything, and that was one of his many excuses on how he didn’t know how to do even simple tasks like sweep? Other excuses were “I didn’t know that” or “I’m autistic I can’t help it” or “I’ve never done this before.”

-Went into a frenzy when my friends went over a couple of aisles in a very small dollar store, “you guys were going to leave me!” he growled. We assured him we wouldn’t do that countless times after this, this would not be the first occurrence.

-we arrive at my Dad’s house where we would be staying for the convention. Yucee’s frantic squeaking of a toy he had caught the attention of my sister’s lab puppy, thinking Yucee wanted to play he grabbed the toy with his mouth earning a scream followed by a backhand from Yucee. He never apologized. While on the topic of animal abuse: Yucee is extremely neglectful of the three cats he owns. One is covered so badly in flea bites and scabs chunks of his fur are missing and the table on which they eat was covered in vomit and old food, plus they don’t have a litter box so they have to go outside to use the bathroom despite him living near a busy road. Yet he continuously says he wants more cats.

-Whined that his wig didn’t look -exactly- like the picture and proceeded to throw it on the ground, no one noticed him do this as we were busy with our own things. He came out after about a minute and shouted at us “Did no one see me throw my wig down?!” When my friend Seth apologized and pointed out we were all busy he verbally said “sigh”.

June 8th (Day 1 of the con)

-morning time, we’re all getting dressed in our cosplays, Yucee takes the longest despite having the simplest costume and demands that we show him how to apply makeup/put on a wig, after showing him a few times already the night before. he also asks us to do the tasks for him, including putting on his makeup and even partially dressing him (made someone put on his suspenders for him without him even trying beforehand) “I’ve never cosplayed before.” he would say. His outfit was a shirt, pants and a pair of suspenders, he wasn’t even wearing his wig.

-as for my birthday present from him: in the vendor hall he buys me three tiny buttons, $1 each, two buttons that have lgbt+ pride things on them, both of which I can’t wear in my daily life. He also buys me s hat that he didn’t ask if I wanted, especially since the only kind of hats I wear are baseball hats. You might think I’m just mad that I didn’t get presents I wanted, I’m usually the thought that counts type of guy, but he made it quite clear what he wanted for his birthday that was a month away while we were in the vendor hall, he kept making remarks how he wanted a commission done of his favorite persona character, he wanted multiple commissions, and he made it clear he wanted me to buy them. He still hasn’t wished me a happy birthday.

-me and my two friends have had a few pictures of us requested at this point , Yucee gets angry that no one recognizes his Ryuji cosplay and how no one had asked for a picture. Thirty minutes after this exchange someone asks for his picture, he declines saying he’s a “disgusting gross frog man”. Soon after he again complains about this issue.

-complained, constantly, every five minutes it was either asking me when we were going home or how there were no persona cosplayers (there were, plenty) or how he was so nasty and had to go home and shower/wash his clothes (he showered at least three times a day).

-pulled me away from activities with my friends because he wanted me to take him home to shower/wash his clothes (where we were staying was roughly 20 minutes from the convention center and it took him thirty minutes each time).

-straight up insulted cosplayers because they didn’t pick the outfit he liked for the character they were portraying or said he didn’t like the costume because they were acting “too straight”.

-got jealous because me and my friend were “acting more like a couple” than me and him were. My friend and I were Pipimi and Popuko from popteamepic, canonically they are girlfriends and the most my friend and I did was hold hands while skipping and playfully call each other “darling”. I didn’t want to hold hands with Yucee, I didn’t even want to touch him.

-reason I wouldn’t hold hands or even touch Yucee? He had broken many of my boundaries in a short span of time, while it was was wrong of me to not communicate this to him he still continued to push when I was visibly uncomfortable. A ten year friendship had lot less boundaries than a three year friendship/seven month relationship (that I had just met in person two days earlier). Yucee would constantly rub his hands over the back of my neck, he would constantly slap my arm and eventually did it in for me was when he snuck up behind me and angrily slammed his hand on my shoulder because me and my friends had “left” him. I nearly had a panic attack before I realized it was him. He never apologized.

-would go into a frenzy if my group travelled ahead without him, even if we were in sight and only a few feet away he would cry about how we were leaving him behind. Every time I assured him we wouldn’t leave him and he could call me should we get separated.

June 9th (Day 2 of the con)

-Morning routine similar to day one, complete with him still making someone else do his makeup for him

-Said “not all of us having living mothers” rather annoyingly when someone was complaining about their mom. This person didn’t know Yucee had “ptsd” and wasn’t even talking to him but rather to my friend. He sounded more annoyed than about to have a panic attack, he even said what was supposed to be his trigger word.

-Did have a “breakdown” however because we walked a few feet away from him, we were still in eyesight, he didn’t even attempt to keep up with us. Went to the nearest booth where he knew he’d get sympathy, a booth that he knew was run by someone’s MOTHER. Made the comment afterwards that he wished she would adopt him.

-Tried to guilt me should I be thinking about breaking up with him.

-Constantly says that he should’ve never of come and how he just wants to go home, even asks if I or my grandma can drive him home on day three.

So the convention dance party rolls around, which is basically just a clean rave, I’m hyped because this is the first time I’m actually going to break out of my comfort zone and attend it. Yucee wanted to go to as he said he had always wanted to see what a rave was like, the moment we step in he goes to sit in the corner by himself. I told him I’ll come check on him every few minutes, I left my phone with him to prove that would come back for him. A few minutes pass and I go to check on him, he says he’s going outside the door for a second to get some air, so I think nothing of it. I see that they’re selling light up face masks so I had to run to my car to get cash, a trip that’ll take me about ten minutes. I tell my friends where I’m going and that Yucee said he’d be right outside. Halfway on my trip back from the car I’m alerted that my friends can’t find Yucee. I start to panic and practically run back to where the dance party is, I meet up with my friends and we split up to look for him. It doesn’t take me long to find him because I look in the area where he said he was going: outside on the balcony. I look around and there’s a lot of people out there, none Yucee, but upon further inspection I see he’s all the way on the other end of the balcony where no one else is. I lose it because he didn’t tell anyone he was going over there, we all assumed outside on the balcony meant with the rest of the people taking a break, not wedged in a corner out of anyone’s sight line. That’s when I decide it’s time someone has a talking to with him. I ask my friend to tell him why what he did wasn’t okay while I go grab a cup of water, when I return to them my friend makes it clear it’s my turn to talk to him. That’s when I decide to break up with him, not because of his “break down” but because of his disregard of anyone else’s feelings that weekend. While I was considering it I was going to think it over after the convention and make my decision in the future, he twisted my arm for the last time though. 

-Yucee blames my friend Boo for the reason we broke up despite me clarifying that it was 100% my decision

-Also blamed her for being the reason he had a breakdown, because she didn’t coddle him like everyone else. Didn't even bother to apologize for the two breakdowns he had caused her, when I brought it up he would always go through me to do it.

-so after I gave him my two cents I let him stew in a safe space while I tried to enjoy the remainder of the day with my friends (it was 12 am at this point and the con center closed at 1 am). We went to the game room (which I told him about) and not ten minutes go by he’s spamming me with texts and calls to tell me this is why he has “trust issues”.

-We get home and he goes immediately to bed without a word to any of us

June 10th (Final day of the con)

-Stayed in my dad’s basement all day by request, barely paid me half of the convention ticket money he owed me because he had spent it all on merch

I didn't hear from him all day, didn't even acknowledge us when we returned to start packing up.

-when we arrived at my home after leaving my dad’s he locked himself away all night, I didn’t see him until the next morning when I drove him home. (which he didn't provide me gas for, didn't even say one word to me).

I was lucky that my friend Boo tagged along when I took him home because she is one of the best friends I have had or will ever have and despite Yucee's hatred of her he could actually learn a LOT from her about being a good person.

I did have some contact with him post convention which is outlined in most of these messages, but for about the past month I have not contacted him out of one anon (see end of this post).

So just keep in mind that when he says his convention experience was awful that he’s the reason for a good portion of it going bad, he didn’t even bother apologizing to my friends once for ruining their convention, a convention that we all look forward to a year in advance.

Now I believe my friend's deserve to have their voices heard.

Boo’s Testimonial:

(This one’s a bit messy thanks to tumblr’s image limit)

Seth’s Testimonial:

In summary: yucee aka Jamie/Mike McCarver is a lazy, manipulative, self centered man. He’s a 27 year old who acts like he’s a child and plays up his problems for sympathy, he refuses to ever take blame or apologize for anything because how could he do wrong when he’s autistic/disabled. If he ever does apologize he never says it directly to the person, rather he goes for a general apology. He also says he’s learned from his mistakes but it’s obvious that he’s just saying that in an attempt to placate those he’s wronged or save face.

He’s also known to twist words to garner sympathy, what a shocker:

I sent him an anon as bait because I knew he’d twist the words. But I never said he didn’t deserve testosterone, and he knows that’s not what I meant, by not publishing the ask he can twist the words how he likes, which he likes to do a lot.

The anon read “If you paint a piece of shit gold it’s still a piece of shit. I’m not sure what you think you learned from your experience but it doesn’t change that you’re a pedophile. You were old enough to know what you were doing was wrong, in the end you hurt someone and if your not man enough to just issue an apology to them you’re a coward and no amount of testosterone will make you a real man. Your mother and father would be ashamed.”

Oh, and don’t forget about him being a pedophile.

Yucee was/is a sexually aggressive pedophile who refuses to acknowledge that he’s mentally messed up someone so bad that it’s still affecting them to this day and doesn’t even bother to apologize to them because he thinks they’ve traumatized him too. They were 14 years old, he was 22. He seems to have made it his mission to demonize his victim when his victim has not even made contact with him in three years. He says he’s changed but continues to befriend people at least five years younger than him, while they still are legal adults it’s still creepy considering the past he’s had with younger individuals.

And Yucee if you’re reading this: Your victim has not sent you any anons, you know exactly who has because you’ve told me before you know it’s her. 

Please boost this, do NOT interact with this user to send hate, and PLEASE stay safe.

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 2

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1

Notes (I guess): I am equally in love and in deep hate with some (a lot) of what’s going on in here, and I am terribly, terribly sorry. And also there are some characters I wanted to explore a bit further than what had been in this part, but... I’m working on it. Give it a bit and I’ll get there. Again, credit to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for screaming at me to write this, and to @whatwashernameagain for Keep Him Safe, and also a tiny tiny lil bit to @anony-phangirl and @asleepybisexual for their general support and for being such great sports about me annoying them with my ideas... (oops).

(I’m trying to find a way to write my notes, so bear with me until I find a way to… it might take a hot minute.)

(KHS) Tag List (sort of): @em-be-lievable, @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2, @adoratato, @supremestoverlord, @royallyanxious, @madly-handsome, @hanramz-the-fander, @the-incedible-sulk, @poisonedapples, @virge-of-a-breakdown, @winglessnymph, @princeanxious, @smokeyrutilequartz, @im-bad-at-life (if any of you could tag the rest, please do! I’m improving my memory from day to day, but… yeah…)

Tag list: @bunny222, @ab-artist, @secretlyanxiouspersona

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter in particular includes some very heavy misgendering and deadnaming (if you get what I’m saying). Please be careful.

—————

Science of Living Systems 20 actually wasn't as bad as Remy thought it would be. It was rather cool, actually.

Well, at least he hoped it was.

The head of the department was… an interesting individual. Remy met with him during the application process. The man insisted on calling him "Miss Harris" and speaking to and about him in girl pronouns, and Remy understood why.

For some reason, though, Remy expected all the professors to be like that. And not such was the case.

"Rebecca Harris, I want to see you later in my office."

Doctor Gilliam was in his late thirties, called everyone by their first and last names, thought that being single was hilarious, made really bad puns in his lectures (though Remy heard, not as much outside of them), and tried his best to be "hip with the kids". It was worrying, to say the least. And… yeah, Remy was slightly terrified.

"I'm kind of worried, kid," Gilliam said the moment Remy walked in. "You don't look too-"

"Excuse me, Doctor, but I don't know what this is about."

"Have you heard about shadows and personae, Rebecca Harris?" Remy shook his head, terrified to say a word. "Well, it's quite an interesting concept. According to Carl Jung, you'll learn about him later, the persona is the mask you wear in the world. It's what you want others to see. The shadow is your innermost self, the parts of your identity that you wish to hide from others."

"Okay, and?"

"I think your persona might be cracking."

What… was going on?

"I'm not making sense, am I? I'm sorry. There's a lot that goes into that theory and I shouldn't confuse you this much, at least not until we get to it."

Yeah… it was weird.

"So, my point is… you can talk to me if anything is making you uncomfortable, okay?"

"Okay… I guess."

"Well, that is all," Doctor Gilliam said, fixing his glasses.

That… was weird. But okay. If that's how he wants to do things. Remy wasn't going to complain.

He was definitely better than the head of department.

—

There was a knock at the door.

Abby, their RA, was over earlier. Apparently Katherine had a bit of a scene right after class. So naturally, Remy assumed it would be Abby. No one else could be knowing on their door at ten thirty pm-

"We don't have your bunny this time. You can go."

Oh.

"Oh, no, I just…" Remy could hear that… kid? Whatever his name was, from the door. "I just need… I need someone to help me with something. And…"

"Oh. Remy can help."

"No I can't," Remy replied. "I need sleep and so do you!"

"It won't take long, I promise!"

"...fine." Remy got off the couch - the nice, comfy couch, where there was a blanket and his sols20 book - to the door. Where that kid (Emile? Emile) was looking at him with those big blue eyes and…

Yeah, Remy regretted unbinding. (Well, no. He did not. But also kind of did.)

"Hey… Rebecca, right—"

"His name is Remy."

Emile seemed shocked for a moment. Oh shit. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know. I just… I see you in most of my classes, so… never mind. So… how are you with baking?"

—

"So my sister Julie is LaVeyan—"

"Aren't we supposed to be baking cookies, babe?"

"Yeah, but… the stuff's all in the cabinets and I'm looking!"

Emile was a disaster child, Remy decided after only five minutes alone together. He brought a violin and his bunny to the kitchen in the pursuit of baking cookies - like, what even? - and he just seemed so… energetic? Happy? Whatever the word was. A couple minutes ago he was talking about the cookies, sure, but then he switched it to the importance of guided imagery, and then why Li Shang from Mulan is bisexual, and now… what was he even talking about?

"So my sister is a LaVeyan Satanist," Emile repeated himself, almost climbing on the counter to reach a cabinet. "It's kinda funny, actually. My dad's side of the family are all Catholic, and— can you put the sugar on the countertop, please? Thank you!"

"Sweetie, for the eleventh time this past ten minutes, I understand nothing you're saying."

"Am I speaking another language or something? Because if so I'm sorry!"

"No, it's just…" How does he not hurt his feelings? "It's just… you talk fast and about a lot of subjects at the same time."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry."

Maybe he thought Remy couldn't hear, but there was definitely a "this is just one of the things that are wrong about me" thrown in the air.

Emile didn't speak to him for the rest of the process. Maybe once or twice he pointed out a step or an ingredient, but overall he did not speak. At all. And then the cookies were in the oven…

And then he pulled out his violin.

"Is this really necessary?"

"I'm not talking to you."

"Emile, is it because of something I said?" Emile, still pouting (as he had been for a good hour and some now), nodded. "Well, I'm sorry. Please don't silent treatment me."

"I talk too fast and too much."

"Not what I said. I just said I can't follow you. I didn't say it's your fault. Please don't—"

Emile pretty much just ignored Remy (uhh, rude!) and positioned his violin, and started to play something… quite angrily.

After a minute and a half Remy recognized it as Once Upon a Dream from Sleeping Beauty.

After another three minutes, he dared open his mouth again. "I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean to. Do you accept my apology?"

"...fine."

It was not fine. Absolutely not.

"Thanks for the help with the cookies," he said as they separated at the top of the stairs, all one-hundred-and-ninety cookies (Emile insisted on quadrupling the recipe) safely packed in plastic boxes and hidden away. "I… I'm gonna go now."

"Emile, please." He turned around, still looking quite pissed. (It was probably the hour, Remy tried telling himself. It's already past one am. This is not good.) "Are you mad that I said I'm confused?"

"To be honest with you, yes! Yes, I'm mad. I know it wasn't your intention but I heard you say shut the fuck up when you said that. And it hurt. Very badly."

...oh.

"I'm going to forgive you, but it's going to take me a bit, so please don't be mad at me, okay?" Emile honestly looked close to tears. "Good night, Remy. I'll see you in living systems tomorrow."

And then he went to his suite, violin and bunny with him.

Remy just got himself into a huge mess.

—

It was a beautiful afternoon in Boston when Remy found himself at the rather posh Italian place his mom wanted to meet at.

Before their divorce in late 1999, just after Remy turned fifteen, his father started contacting a charity organization dedicated to help transgender youth. He educated himself. Tried to educate his wife as well. But… apparently it was the last straw for Linda. The very night he tried to even just explain that it's not her fault, that it's how he was born, she packed up her things and left.

The divorce papers came in less than two months later. The divorce was finalized in November 1999. Remy did not see her since.

(Yeah… that was a lie. He actually hasn't seen her since Christmas 2001. But that was still a very long time. Almost a year is a long time.)

"Well, at least the weather's nice." And there she was with her new boy toy. Glamorous as ever, with her stupidly huge sunglasses and her bright red (disgustingly fake, makes India's hair seem real) curly bob, looking exactly the same as she did that day Remy came out to her.

A few hours later, though. When she thought he was asleep and left the house to go to some party.

"Well, at least you're still not very nice, Linda," he said with a smirk as he sat down next to her boy toy (he actually looks kinda nice, for a forty-something year old). "But much unlike the weather, I don't think this is a thing that can change so easily."

"Where are your manners, Rebecca?"

"The same place those diamond earrings you forgot when you left us are. At home with Dad, probably watching South Park."

"Well, at least we left the girls at home." Linda took off her sunglasses and replaced them with a normal, frameless pair of glasses. "I don't believe you met Stephen before, Rebecca."

"I don't believe I've met a Rebecca before, Linda."

"Are you ready to order?"

It took about two minutes for all the orders to place (of course Stephen had to order something overly fancy, because why the fuck not) before she started yapping again.

"Rebecca, I didn't ask to see you for you to be so rude to me."

"I didn't ask to see you, period."

"What would you like to be called, then?" Stephen asked. Well…

"Remy. My name is Remy."

"Your name is—"

"My name is not Rebecca! I haven't gone by that name since I was fourteen. Dad never called me that since the day I asked him to call me Remy. You're the only one who ever insisted, how do you think it made me feel?"

"How do you think it made me feel, Rebecca?" Remy hoped no one was looking. "My own daughter. I jeopardized my own high school graduation to have you because your father was dumb enough to forget the condoms. I gave up life-long dreams just to raise you, because that retard of a father you have couldn't. Is this how you repay me?"

There was a very awkward silence, that was broken by an unfamiliar voice - deep, with a southern drawl - and a confused "Rebecca?"

India. Without her makeup, her hair pulled back.

Looking almost perfectly manly.

"Excuse me?" Linda straightened her glasses, glaring at India. Oh, how Remy did not want this to happen… "And you are?"

"Ian McGinty, ma'am. I'm her boyfriend."

Oh.

"Your father didn't tell me you have a boyfriend," Linda spoke slowly.

"Because he doesn't know everything. And my name is still Remy."

"Ethan and I are gonna go now," India said, her voice still lower, still more southern than normal. "Text me when you're done, we'll go get ice cream?"

"...sure."

And then she leaned down and said, in the voice Remy grew to know and absolutely adore, "we're going to talk about this. Don't worry, I got your back."

And then she was gone.

"So a boyfriend, huh?"

"...so how many men have you fucked before meeting Stephen, Linda?"

—

"I'm so sorry about your mom, baby."

India's brother, Ethan, looked nothing like her. Well, he looked like a more manly, less boyish version of ‘manly' India, but also nothing alike. He also didn't talk much. So that was fun.

India took them to get ice cream indeed. (And much like her music taste, her favorite ice cream flavors - burnt caramel and earl grey - were rather… interesting. But she did swear that Toscanini's was probably the best ice cream in Cambridge, and who was Remy to argue with her?)

"It's alright. She's always been like this."

"Doesn't make it alright." Ethan grunted in agreement. "Take it from me, Remy. It's never alright."

"Does he have an Esther?"

India's eyes rolled so far back. "Do you think that every trans person have to have an Esther, Ethan? Do you truly think it's how we realize our identity?"

"It's how you did yours."

"I knew I'm a girl since the moment I understood who I am. Any related accidents after that are purely incidental."

"India, I think I fucked up." She looked up at him from her half-melted ice cream cup. "I told you about Emile, right?"

"You're still stuck on that?" Remy nodded. "Look… that kid told you he forgives you. You saw him in class since then, he didn't say anything to you… you're doing fine, sweetie."

"Is that his real boyfriend?"

"Ethan, shut the fuck up or I'll call mom. Remy…" India turned to play with his hair.

Yeah, it was very calming.

"He sounds like a very sweet kid. Trust me, there's no way you fucked anything up. You'll be okay. You'll get to hang out with him again, and it will be okay. Now eat your ice cream, you have the best ice cream, and then we're going back to your dorm and we're going to watch Priscilla. Or Hedwig. Whatever suits your fancy, okay?"

"...okay."

"Now, let's talk more about your mom and why it isn't okay that she treats you like that."

And for a bit, everything just seemed alright. Well, almost.

[shoutandscreamy]

I didn’t chose to be trans, I chose to talk about it.

Now that I can finally put these words down in text, collected and sorted out, let’s see the topics I’m hitting here:

--I’ve always felt this way.

--It’s never been easy.

--Yes, I’m positive this is making me happier despite popular belief.

--“Signs” and “symptoms” aren’t always what make it credible.

A lot of people will tell me, or you, that it’s a phase. It’ll pass, and you’ll be normal again. If you’re anything like me, you spent a good decade telling yourself this before coming out of the official closet. I think my journey of discovering myself started when I was telling myself that I was definitely a Dylan in fourth grade. I sat in my room for so many years wondering if there was a reason I felt so wrong being me. Dresses, make-up, purses, settling down with a man and giving birth to kids out of my own body, becoming a woman in society, following the code of a girl. I didn’t just want to destroy these stereotypes, I wanted to be the opposite of them. I rejected the color pink and associated heavily with blues, greens, reds, and oranges as much as possible solely because pink, purple, yellow, and so on were “girl” colors. I was angry if I owned anything pink, and I refused to let my Barbies wear them either, or else they would be naked. I had a fascination with boy clothes and anything associated with that gender. In pretend times, I never passed up the opportunity to be the guy. Every character I created was me with a boy body and boyish characteristics. Every avatar on games and sites weren’t without considering the male option.

But I never acted out aside from the rejection of colors, dresses and skirts, and bras. I never spoke about Dylan, my other persona. I never told anyone that I secretly hated myself for being born the way I was because while I could be close to my best friend, I would never have a chance with her. I never told anyone that I hated the idea of not being able to be one of the guys, or that I couldn’t be someone’s man. I struggled to even speak about how bad I felt knowing there was nothing I could do but grow up to a woman and live up to those expectations. I could never tell my mother how uncomfortable I was not being able to be what I wanted to be. I was too scared. I was scared to be different, weird, casted out. I was scared to change my name and try out being a boy for a while. I was scared to be myself because the gender roles were so heavily placed on my shoulders, I didn’t know there was a way out. I didn’t know I wasn’t alone because I never felt like I had anyone to reach out to.

I came out as genderfluid my freshman year of high school. I still felt wrong, but it felt better to be out to my friends and finally say, “I’m not just a woman.” Their support lacked, but, if it makes any sense, their acceptance didn’t. They did try to change their wiring for me, and it was very far from perfect, but it was the first glimpse of hope I had received since I was seven. In my sophomore year, I came out completely to family and friends of family and changed my name. I requested respect and I barely got half as much. I’m going to be a senior in little over a month, and my name in my school’s system is not only changed, but recognized and respected. I’ve moved my focus to he/him pronouns, but I still allow they/them happily because I can’t deny that I’m not cis-gendered and I have a body that I can dress and use in a very non-“man” like manner. I’m going to be 18 in three months and this battle is not even close to being half way over.

Sometimes, I still think back to what could have been if I kept my mouth shut, if I lived a lie for the sake of everybody else. While dysphoria gets bad, and people are hard to get through to, I wished I talked about it as soon as I recognized it. Maybe then it would have been easier for everybody to accept me because they would be able to say, “he’s always been like this,” too. But, it didn’t happen that way and I’m not working with a blank slate. This is okay because while it’s not easier (and harder in many ways), I’ve never been happier to be me. It’s so liberating to come out of hiding for so many years and to freely speak as myself and not my half-deceased name.

I have never been happier with myself as a genderfluid male than a white, cis-female. I finally feel like me, like the Dylan my seven year old self made so long ago. What, not singularly mind you, was making me so unhappy for so many years was my silence. I did chose this hard path, but it was this one, or the other. What I picked was external conflicts rather than constant internal suffering.

What frustrates me these days is the question why.

“Why do you think your more male?”

“Why did you come to this conclusion?”

“Why are you saying this now?”

“Why don’t you realize your saying your creator made a mistake?”

“Why this? Why now?”

As if I know.

Why is the universe unlimited? Why do dreams occur? Why can’t we unlock our entire brain? Why are people racist? Why do we judge so naturally as humans?

I don’t know why I was born in this body, and I certainly don’t know why I feel more comfortable being my mother’s son rather than her daughter. You want to tell me how hard this is for you to grasp compared to me? This is a fact that’s taken me a decade to accept. Trust me: this is hard for everybody.

But that doesn’t give anyone the right to tell me, or you, that because you don’t experience dysphoria, or you never dressed like a boy/girl/neutral in your youth, you don’t mean it. Don’t you DARE let anyone tell you that because you aren’t ashamed of your body or shying away from breaking the hell out of those stereotypes that you aren’t serious about who you are. You shouldn’t have to feel obligated to change how you feel about yourself so someone else can feel better about how they validate who you are. Gender dysphoria stems from not fitting into the standards that society sets for men and women. We now live in a society rapidly changing with the understanding that humans are fexible in all aspects. Identities are no longer limited to two sexes.

Only you can say who you are. Everybody else just has their ass a little too far up their own ass to see that.

[enthralleddd0112]

[171112] Magazine M Podcast Episode 22 - Kyungsoo Mentions

Magazine M podcast Episode 22 - Do Kyungsoo, now a dignified actor! 

Really, since the beginning when we did interviews for movie <Unforgettable>, (I) already felt that he's a young man that really like movies. Didn't he mentioned that there's a type of people who would watch movies repeatedly if it's a good one? Since he had already watched the film <Revenant> twice during the <Unforgettable> interviews, I had asked him what he felt was different after watching it twice? He said he noticed things like 'why was it acted this way ', 'why was this scene presented this way', and it was really interesting to watch it like that. Give it more time, perhaps we may even see Director Do Kyungsoo in the future.

(He had shaved his hair almost entirely and despite donning such a short skinhead cut, he still looked like a beautiful chestnut. Perhaps it's because the shape of his head is nice, his ears are nice too, and having watched the movie prior to the shoot, he looks rather different from Taejung's image. He had practised tap dance before the shoot and showed it to Shin Hakyun.) 

Having watched Do Kyungsoo's projects, I have always felt that his strength is his expressive gaze/eyes. When interviewing Shin Hakyun, he had also mentioned his eyes. Do Kyungsoo's eyes in real life, regardless if he's looking at someone or a monitor, or when he's looking at the audience through the big screen, are really real/genuine, pretty, and many times I felt that it's really deep, his eyes are really deep. So through that pair of deep eyes, he could show something that's like strength. He could deliver presence just through his eyes, in fact when I first saw him, I really felt that his eyes is unique, and is a huge asset, a precious gem. 

When doing his activities as D.O. of EXO, his voice is really nice, you can't not mention his voice when he's a main vocal. His voice is particularly nice in the movie when he had used his deep voice in one of the angry scenes. Speaking of his nice voice, Director Lee Eunhee had previously highlighted that his voice that is half voice-half air is perfect and tender for a romance film. When did I actually feel this? When listening to the (interview) recording, one will feel blissful when listening to actors with really nice voices, but for his voice, it's to the extent that I feel like it's such a pity that I'm actually listening to it alone. His voice is particular nice, as he speaks calmly and quietly. When he's excited, or speaking about a good movie, the pitch of his voice will naturally rise a little, "ah it's like this!", "I really like it!" This is a voice that's naturally expressive. 

I think Do Kyungsoo is really good at acting - he's actually an EXO member, and hasn't met with much difficulties as he was growing up, but when he's in the capacity of actor Do Kyungsoo, he's will stay focused on his characters. He's acted as a psychopath, and also portrayed characters that's going through tough times. In movies <Cart>, <My Annoying Brother>, he had played darker characters leading difficult lives, and even for the latest film, he's portrayed a student that owes his school loan and a part-timer that's rebellious, and has shown a strong realism. His realistic acting is really brilliant. 

(About Taejung) One can see everything. He has completely digested the persona of someone's who slightly rebellious and dark. This time again, I had asked actor Do Kyungsoo why he had picked a character like that, the fact that he's never once lived his life like this before, and his answer remains the same (as before). Although the character is a little different from who he is, the point that drew him in about the character continued to stick and he felt captivated by 'Taejung', and how he as actor Do Kyungsoo, together with the character, could make this character even fuller. He enjoys the work that's like this, and Taejung is a character that he could relate to almost immediately. 

Does SM Ent. knows that Do Kyungsoo is such an acting genius? Actually previously I had interviewed Kangin, and have seen Do Kyungsoo's photo. I really didn't know that D.O. is such a good actor, as a idol's schedule is really hectic. The movie that he's filmed is about to screen, he's now currently filming another one, and concurrently preparing EXO's album as well as the upcoming concert, he had looked particularly busy during this interview. His eye expression had conveyed how busy he is when he arrived, he really did look so busy. I asked if it's okay? He responded that it's possibly the busiest he's been since his debut, but it's also the best period. 

What I felt the most from the interview was that he kept walking around. Most other (celebrities) will probably stay in the waiting room, but he kept going around talking to the staff or greet and chat with Shin Hakyun sunbae-nim or even go out. It was the same during movie <Unforgettable>, he walked in alone quietly without anyone by his side with his backpack and glasses, greeting everyone. He's just like an extremely handsome undergraduate. When asked why he walked in alone, he's the style that simply responded with "he's (manager) parking now."

I asked what he finds most interesting recently? He said tap dancing. Besides something related to work? What else do you like? He answered cooking. Had asked what he's whipped up recently? He shared that he cooked pomfret stew, and that he's been pretty good at it recently. He'll follow the recipe that he's previously learned from his mum. He's recently also gathered the EXO members and made pomfret stew, tteokgalbi and fried rice for them to have together. Asked him why he did that? He replied saying that a man who can cook fish is a pretty good guy, and there's nothing else one can't make. What's even warmer is that while he loves to cook, he feels even better when he watch others eat the food he cooks. (I) feel that it's really amazing for a young boy like him to have the mentality like a young man. He's really, really friendly/harmonious, he's growing up so well, someone who has a reliable, steady and calm personality. As an actor, he can instantly become the character when in front of the camera, it's astonishing, I think he really has sense. 

Instead of saying he's an idol, I'll rather say he's an actor. In fact, as a reporter covering movies, we don't really get to meet with idols. He's someone that's much more worth anticipating than other actors, his acting is really outstanding. Having portrayed a character like Dooyoung, it's actually hard to play a character like Taejung. Do Kyungsoo is really someone strong in acting, he solidly and calmly presented what he hopes to be a vibrant and uplifting acting. How did it turn out? 

(When discussing about movie <Swing Kids>) How good are you? As someone who already knew how to dance, tap dancing shouldn't be that difficult right? He disagrees and shared that learning tap dancing is almost like learning how to play a new instrument, and it's extremely interesting. Having seen him tap dance in the studio, he's really good at it. He's an actor that's worth anticipating. Please continue to participate in good projects, it'll be great if he can keep acting for us. It's probably opportune to drop the idol classification and look forward to what he can show us as an actor. 

Writer Noh Heekyung really likes him too, he's someone whose acting can make even writers, directors, reporters who watch the movies he's in all become his fans. He's really the core, the core. Back then even critic Heo Jiwoong mentioned that he's completely the core, just like a typhoon and I think he's really accurate, he's someone with the strength to draw and rope everything to his side. 

Cr: Magazine M podcast @ via astronaut_do (2017.11.12) Chi Trans: weibo @Nacho_都暻秀资源博 Eng Trans: twitter @enthralleddd for @KyungsooTrans In partnership with: IG @channel930112

[cabhonours-blog]

Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator

This is going to be one of my biggest inspirations, reference points, and bases for my project due to a multitude of reasons. 

First and foremost, we have to address what it is. This was an LGBT dating sim created by Game Grumps, giving it media recognition and pushing it into being a mass commercial success. Don’t get me wrong, the game has issues. But a huge group like Game Grumps producing LGBT content of this level was a massive step for LGBT normalisation and inclusion in games media.

Moving beyond that, I’ll start to breakdown the game bit by bit. The obvious first thing to speak about is the art. This is the kind of art we generally think of when we think of dating sims; cel shaded, clean, with non-obtrusive backdrops that don’t pull too much focus and simple UI. It’s the bread and butter of the dating sim world; tried and tested. Due to this, I’m unsure if I want to stick to it - don’t fix what isn’t broken - or experiment with alternate styles like Cing’s games. This is something to play about with in.

One of the biggest successes for the game was before you even got into the story, on the character creation screen. Now, first off, their character creation was... bad. For some reason, the art style felt completely different, and so your own persona became gimmicky and looked out of place. If you’re going to have character customisation in game then it needs to fit to the overall style. Outwith that though, it did one thing really right - you can be transgender.

The option to have your dad wear a binder or not was so unexpected and so brilliant. It was never questioned or treated as something special, your dad isn’t treated any differently in the game if they’re trans by the other characters. In fact, even one of the characters is trans themselves - the one pictured above, Damien. Yet, this is never given some crucial attention and is instead mentioned in passing if you pursue his route, with him saying;  "To be able to wake up in the morning, pick from my closet a variety of cloaks, top hats, and even binders that are period appropriate feels amazing...". This comment about binders was treated so normally that it practically slipped under the radar, and that’s what it should be like; being trans doesn’t have to be some spectacle. People don’t constantly have to be on display and going enough or presenting enough or being loud enough to be recognised. Being trans is a perfectly normal, perfectly valid thing and trans individuals deserve to see themselves in characters or given the option to see themselves in the characters they create without it feeling anything other than completely and utterly normal. Trans people are not tokens, they’re not there to earn brownie points, and that’s exactly how GG treated it. Their ‘Dadsona’ maker might look like... that, but hey, this was an A+ move.

Unlike AA, Hotel Dusk or others; this story isn’t as far-from-home. You’re not a successful attorney caught in the action, you’re not a down-on-his-luck ex detective with a dark past, you’re simply a dad. A dad whose partner died and is raising his daughter, Amanda, alone; trying to provide a good life for her.

You sell your old house and relocate to a new neighbourhood, and that’s the bulk of the premise. You meet the other dads in the neighbourhood, you attend BBQ’s and make friends, you go on dates, and you help your daughter as she struggles with teenage problems; university applications, drama with friends, the usual. It’s all very, very normal. And that, that is exactly what made it so powerful. It was so, so easy to relate to. Sometimes, what people really need is something that gives a real insight to your average persons life. The kind of thing that if you were, say, a young gay man struggling with his identity, you could look at and go “Huh, maybe that could be me one day. With a kid, and a happy life, meeting other cute dads”. That idea, that small bit of comfort; self love; self acceptance; recognition; whatever you want to call it, can go a long way. It can be the first step to these people making the most of their life, or ensuring they have a future at all.

Spoiler alert for what’s ahead; I’m going to address some of the endings.

They also add in to the complete normalisation agenda of this game. The endings don’t consist of some overblown, horseback-into-the-sunset happily ever after. Instead, each ending happens at a birthday party for your daughter you throw with your neighbours; congratulating her and wishing her luck as she’s heading to university soon. A good bit of the ending actually focuses on your relationship with her and a very heartfelt, tear-jerking discussion as you get ready to watch your baby leave the nest. (We won’t question how easily they get us emotionally connected to a fake child when we don’t have one. I can’t imagine how it must tug on the heart if you’re a parent).

Anyway.

Alongside this, you have an interaction with your chosen suitor at said party. In this interaction, you feel out your relationship, accepting your feelings for each other and planning to see how things go. It isn’t some overly romantic conclusion but instead it’s a very real example of how healthy relationships unfold. Following this, you’ll get a photo of your dad and an explanation of how things start to go. For instance, Matt takes up being a musician again after having given up playing when he lost his partner; 

The only dad that this is noticeably different is Robert. This is because, with his ending, he decides that even though there are feelings between you he needs to focus on straightening out his own life first. He needs to find himself, sort his relationship with his daughter, and be a more stable person before he can bring someone else into his life. However, it’s left with the note that perhaps once he’s done that, you two could pick things back up, should the time be right. And this in and itself is something that isn’t done very often - acknowledging that sometimes the right, healthy thing to do is focus on yourself and finding happiness in your own life. The idea that you shouldn’t try to find happiness in another person, that another person can’t fill the holes in yourself and that instead you need time to work on you, is a message not given enough. A person can’t complete you - you should be two whole people who come together and better each others lives, not a crutch. That’s not to say you can’t depend on one another, but there’s a difference between comfort and dependency issues.

Roberts ending is probably one of my favourites as it shows the importance of self love, and second chances. He’s your stereotypical down-trodden bad boy that most would cast to the side, but instead he became one of the most beloved in the cast. 

Overall, DD is a giant example of how LGBT representation can matter in the most natural way. It’s so normalised it’s practically unnoticeable. At no point is it treated any differently than if this had been a heterosexual otome game, and the stories are so day-to-day that they allow anyone to put themselves in the characters shoes.

Obviously, I’m only one person, a student, and on a time limit. I can’t aim to create a project close to this. However, it’s the leading industry example of what I’m hoping to achieve. It had problems. A lot of them. It’s limited in length, at times the interactions can seem superficial, and there’s mini-games in it that are... less than brilliantly coded with no clear point to them. Yet, it did so much right and made a huge leap for LGBT inclusion.

So, it’s a reference point. A dream goal to create a condensed version of, or a pitch for, or something. It’s what I want to keep in mind.