#not all men but all women are unsafe

[stfulara]

being a girl is fun and all until you dread the road to be safe so you could reach home without being cat-called, slut shamed, groped, abused, raped or murdered

[spengie]

Genuine question. I'm a single mom with two young boys, a sole small business owner, and a homeowner. I have massive student debt, healthcare is always expensive, and I underpay myself so I can pay more money and benefits to my employees. I have a second job to try to make up the difference.

Do I stay and fight, or do I run? I'm terrified that my entire means to support my family and my ability to continue to support my family and my employees and their families is going to be taken from me.

I understand the benefit of showing my kids how to stay and fight. But I also desperately want them to not have to fight for basic human rights. I don't want them to be where I am, massively in debt, struggling to pay for basic necessities, working 60-80 hours a week to keep my dream alive. To keep my community alive. To keep my kids alive.

My personal instinct is to stay and fight. My mom instinct is to protect my boys and flee.

They are at war. I am at war, with myself.

[catboykilljoy97]

So, what I've gathered based on some online sleuthing in various trans communties, is that:

Trans men feel erased in queer spaces and in discussions of trans people. Most of the attention/resources goes to trans women. Isn't that awful?

2. Trans women feel erased in queer spaces and in discussions of trans people. Most of the attention/resources goes to trans men. Isn't that awful?

3. Nonbinary people are lumped into either "basically a trans man" or "basically a trans woman" based on AGAB. No, this isn't regressive at all. Trust us.

4. Everyone involved should violently fucking hate each other and throw as much blame as possible because of this

can i go be a hermit in the woods now. i know that's like, the whole thing i'm trying to escape, but honestly it sounds good rn

[apostate-in-an-alcove]

Torn between wanting to speak and encourage other women to speak about abuse and trauma they've suffered from men and living in a misogynistic society but also not wanting them to do that too publicly because men are unempathetic monsters who harrass, dox and threaten women who do so.

[decadentdeviation]

Any time there's a consensus between girls that a particular man sucks and is a creep, there's always got to be some idiot who ignores them and gives that guy a chance.

[embraceyourdestiny]

It’s crazy how many parts of the quarry are good examples of the patriarchy getting away with shit. If you truly care about abi it’s CRAZZYYY to 1). See nick be aggressive with abi 2). To see nick GRAB Abi 3). And then To see nick THROW HER ACROSS THE FUCKING ROOM and you still don’t shoot him??? If he was attacking a male character or even if a girl was attacking abi way more people would shoot with zero hesitation but the amount of people who are like “let’s keep everyone alive!” And then hesitate when he fucking ATTACKS her is crazy. Y’all wanna keep everyone alive but don’t even protect abi like WTF????

[lady-tortilla-chip]

I will say as much as I genuinely enjoyed the Barbie movie, I reallyyyyy don’t like the response to it

[psalmsofpsychosis]

--

not gonna dignify this post with a reblog, but i need you to know that people like this are the reason the f*minism movement has went to gutter and cannot climb back out: these women are victims with massive oppressor envy, they have not had a single original thought in their entire lives and they cannot concieve of a form of power outside the arbitrary "oppressed/oppressor" dichotomy, and the slightest chance they get to act of their own free will they become exactly like the very "men" whom they supposedly hate and fight against: shallow, superficial, socially acceptable mean, overgeneralising an entire half of the population thinking they're fun and hip with their barely disguised and unexamined disgust and anger. they're just as unbearable and unpleasant in their cheap gender essentialist judgements as the people who hurt them, and no, making it into a funnyguy joke doesn't save the sentiment. If the first chance you get at free expression has you literally talking and thinking like your oppressors, i'm sorry but you dont want out of the cycle, you just want the upper hand. You want to be the mean one and that's where you go whenever you can. You're literally no different people the people you hate.

[wewontbesleeping]

still thinking about the time a couple weeks ago that a gay man was talking to me at the bar and started talking about the whole man vs bear thing, and was like. assuming he wasn't part of the "man" side because he was gay. and then making a joke about gay "bears" and how he'd love to be trapped in the woods with one....

[parasiticstars]

We should start ruthlessly gatekeeping and making fun of men for every single interest they have like men do women. Then we should quiz them on whether or not they’re real fans if they don’t know one (1) unbelievably obscure bit of trivia. Then tell them that x is “too feminine” for a RESPECTABLE MAN to like and he’ll never find a gf because of it, or that y is “too masculine” and he’s trying too hard and it’s embarrassing and he’s a pickme. :3

[moonstrider9904]

Dude today in a parking lot walking past my car stared at me while I was still inside gathering my things, and I felt eyes on me and made eye contact with him because usually pervs freak out when they feel someone's onto them. The dude walked on and I relaxed, but as I was about to get out of the car I checked out the window again and saw that he was at the edge of the parking lot still staring at me, and he even waved.

This was at a mall parking lot. I can't even feel safe from pervs staring at me in a mall in broad fucking daylight. And idk if this man's just stupid enough to think I was looking at him because I was into him (what a dumbass if that was the case) or if he was genuinely planning something else. You cannot be too careful.

Being a woman is fucking hard and dealing with perverted men on the daily is fucking exhausting.

[mosspapi]

This might just be a me thing but I'm so sick of the way that any GNC man is instantly assumed to be "an egg" or otherwise closeted trans woman, mostly in "progressive" spaces.

Like why is it that the second a man shows any form of femininity, it's because he's secretly a woman. Y'all do realize what that sounds like, right.

[teenagefeeling]

just learned of the existence of the 4B movement and all i have to say is fucking yikes

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

[crumbs-of-bread]

TW violence, SA

The point didn't even miss your head, it striked a missile in the opposite direction huh.

The excercise is NOT about what is more dangerous a bear or a man

Of course you have NO chances with a bear

Its about everything else really

See it that way

A bear will kill you

A man can rape and leave you to live with it

A man can torture you

A man can kidnap you

A man can take you home and then stalk you

A man can do all of those things, kill you AND hide or mutilate your body so your loved ones never know closure

Of course nOT aLL mEn but a predator is not somehow marked for you to recognize them

Men arent more dangerous than bears

But if a bear attacks you and you somehow survived nobody will say

"what were you wearing? You probably triggered him. Its as if you wanted the bear to attack you. At least you can feel special now, you know you're desirable."

Or even better

If you told someone you were mauled by a bear people would believe you.

Its not about "hurr durr a bear is more dangerous of course you choose a man a bear will kill you"

Everybody knows that

But you are almost guaranteed that every bear will kill you, but you never know WHICH man is evil and you never know how evil. Bear is better cause its sure and being mauled by it leaves you with a bit less of a lasting lifetime trauma than being kidnaped assaulted and tortured by someone you thought you can trust.

Not to mention the excercise is also about how men actually react to the answers. They do it with agression.

Countless and i mean countless videos and comments of angry men calling women dumb cunts, whores, bitches, telling them in the most graphic way what a bear will do to them and that they, of course, deserve it

Because they didn't choose a man.

A massive self report of thousands of bitter men, yelling at women "what do you mean you would feel safer with a bear you fucking bitch, bears are wild animals, but you will be torn to shreds and i will gladly watch" proving exactly the point women were making

Bears are more dangerous, you have no chances with a bear.

But a lot of men REALLY hate women, and that is way scarier than an animal that runs on instinct.

i am reminded, my coworkers were discussing "would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear" and i was experiencing Complete Perplexment cause they were like "I would pick the bear" and then I learned this was a whole internet Thing, where women were saying they would rather be alone with a Bear than a random human man, and I was like okay first of all, the status of wildlife education in this country is truly pitiful.

but second, are you telling me that if you were stranded in the wilderness and you saw a bear and in the opposite direction you saw a man coming towards you, you would run from the human person and go TOWARDS the wild bear?

[opashoo]

I'm absolutely losing my mind seeing "We need to not treat men and masculinity as inherently evil and worthy of hatred, and not fall back into biological and gender essentialism because that hurts everyone, including trans women" being misinterpreted as "Women need to stop oppressing men", "I think trans women are actually men" or "You specifically who have trauma around men need to get over it because men are the real victims". It's so willfully disingenuous. It makes me sick how willing people are to read in bad faith, especially how willing other trans women are to suddenly start harassing and dogpiling another trans woman.

I am a trans woman too, I understand what it's like to feel unsafe, but it helps no one this cynical attitude that crops up every time someone suggests being kind to men in our lives. "You could save a man you know from falling down the alt-right pipeline" is not the same as "It's your fault that men murder you". "There are people who could be on our side if we don't meet them with immediate hostility" is not the same as "You need to shut up and stop criticizing power structures for the sake of your oppressors' feelings" (I promise there are a lot of people who can be taught about their complicity in oppression without immediately shutting down but you need to work with them). This kind of attitude isn't somehow more informed or correct. It's just lashing out to avoid considering one's own agency.

Making a better, safer world for ourselves requires all kinds of work, but it's always work. It's hard to try to reach out to people who could very realistically harm us, it's work that not all of us can afford to or are able to do and that's fine because we're all just trying to survive. But some of you would rather condescend, tear each other down, and make more enemies before even considering it a possibility.