#yes the part where she gets slapped on the ass and feels unsafe is also relevant depictions

[lady-tortilla-chip]

I will say as much as I genuinely enjoyed the Barbie movie, I reallyyyyy don’t like the response to it

[hollyhomburg]

I'm fairly confused about this entire situation, honestly. I saw the original girl comment about whether or not she was entirely sure to feel comfortable on a page meant to do that exact thing. In my opinion (which is fairly confused atm), you were both in the wrong. Of course, you don't have to answer anything about your gender or whether or not you have certain body parts, I can definitely understand that! But the extra meanness was a bit uncalled for. They just didn't want to feel unsafe :/

Also, everyone deals with pain differently. Whether or not if it's something that seems a bit pushy or not. I feel for both sides of this weird miscommunication, I really do. I guess that's just my inner-understanding lol. So yeah, I feel for you! I know what it feels like to go through things that annoy you and cause disruption amongst your inner self, but my heart also goes out to the girl that was painted as a transphobe when all she wanted to do was feel was safe.

P.S, this was absolutely not coming from a place of anger! It is your choice whether to insult me or realize that people have different opinions; I will understand if either one is chosen! I wish you well, and if the girl is also reading this, I wish you well too and I really do hope that you get closure and understanding because I've also gone through something similar to what you have. It's so painful, but stay strong and you'll be able to say that you came out of it alive :)

----------------------

First off, I want you to know that the anger in the response is not directed at you the asker of this question. but at the person from last night. second, I’m probably not going to respond to any more asks on this topic, because I'm tired. 

okay so let me put it this way for you. you would not under any circumstances pull down Anyone's pants to check their genitals in public. right? or demand that they pull down their pants for you and expose themselves in a public way just so that you can make sure they don’t have a penis. 

The fact of the matter is that someone else's genitals are none of yours nor anyone else's business. And asking about this is not only violating and transphobic but also inappropriate. (I shouldn’t have to clarify that this is transphobic at this point. before you want to argue that- do your research, google is free).

what you seem to misunderstand is that transphobia is an act of aggression. to be transphobic is to cause trauma, to trigger, to be violent. this person asking me about my genitals was an act of violence. and I responded like it was one- with meanness that was called for because I felt hurt. because what they said was hurtful. 

as someone who has never felt safe in my entire life, both because of abuse, rape, and my identity- that doesn't give me a right to threaten someone elces safety because my safety demands it. each and all traumas are valid, and just because they wanted to feel safe on my page doesn't give them a right to take away my safety. especially because this is my page and my safe space that I have created with hours of uncompensated work. So no- they don't have a right to take away my safety and security for their own.  

asking on anon is also a little sus, they didn’t reach out through dm- which is how all things of a personal nature should be. they knew there was a possibility I would take it wrong and didn’t want to be blocked from my page. they feel entitled to my work and entitled to my body in the same way. i wont apologize for trying to preserve this page, and I won’t apologize for acting for matching their level of meanness. 

when you have trauma there are so many things that are triggering for other people that aren’t triggering for you. The real world doesn't come with specific trigger warnings and you have to eventually come to that conclusion with trauma, you will be triggered for no reason at one point, and its a sad fact but it will happen. 

for example- one of my triggers is piano music. to this day I can’t watch my favorite idol play piano because it is too much of a trigger to me. 

But I would NEVER insinuate that min yoongi needed to stop playing piano music just because at one point in my life my stalker would blast piano music outside my bedroom window at 3 am to keep me from sleeping for weeks at a time. or because I was constantly sleep deprived growing up because he wouldn’t let me sleep- my triggers and my reality are irrelevant to min yoongi enjoying the thing he enjoys, just like that person’s trauma is irrelevant to my own. It would be mean and uncalled for me to demand he stops doing something he loves just because it's a trigger for me. People will exist outside of your trauma and that's okay.  

(tw; rape) I’ve been rapped by three men in my life. One was a frat boy in college who I woke up to telling me my hole was bleeding and wanted me to leave because I was getting it all over his sheets. another was a old man, it happened when I was so little that I barely remember it and honestly, all I remember is how much it hurt and how dirty his hands were, he had a lot of dirt under his nails and I remember thinking ‘i don't think that should go inside me’ as a fucking 5-year-old

And the third, was three years ago when an American gi rapped me in hongdae, South Korea, I met him at a bar called mikes cabin. I wasn’t a perfect victim, i’d just had a fight with my soulmate and I went out looking for trouble and I found it. but after I changed my mind he didn’t care, he shoved his dick in my ass without my consent. I bled all over his sheets too. choked on the blood coming out my nose after he slapped me. i remember he shoved his phone in my face to take pictures. somewhere out there there are pictures of me getting raped and I don’t even know where they are or how many people have seen them. 

I don't even know his name only that he had a rose tattoo over his heart. my deadnames middle name is rose. My mom calls me ‘rosebud’ or ‘rosie’ more than my dead name. is it a trigger for me? yes. it is. of course, it is. how could it not be?  

I’ve been raped. i know what they’ve gone through, I know where their pain comes from but my pain is valid too. my genitals could be a trigger to that anon, but defining them in a binary of woman and man is a trigger for me. I am a person and they are a person and both of our triggers are equally valid. but this is my place. this is my expression. 

so why did I act meanly? first off. they violated me by asking me invasive questions and demanded a response. and then secondly; when I asked them not to and told them no- they invalidated my consent and my trauma. then thirdly- they misgendered me- fully committing to being a transphobe. that's why I was mean- because they were mean first.  

this is the only time I’ll explain why I was justified. I hope they get closure too- but their closure isn’t going to come from violence against me or any other trans person. one day that person is probably going to meet a trans woman, and I hope they know better than to call them a boy just because they have a penis. trans people aren’t your punching bags for your trauma. 

trauma doesn't give you the excuse to be a transphobe, no matter what happened to you. you have to learn to treat others with dignity and respect no matter their gender identity or how they trigger you. Because people can’t control what parts of themselves are triggering to you. 

This is the last I’ll talk about this. I'm gonna delete all the other asks asking me about this. I’m not going to talk about it anymore. if you can’t understand why what they did was bad, get off my page. I don’t want you here. 

[patagucci34]

Chicken

Here is another one of my poorly written pieces...same deal here, the timeline doesn’t totally make sense, but I really don’t care that much. There is also a lot of Brady in this piece, because who doesn’t love Brady? 

Anyway, there might be some swearing... 

Word count: 7200ish

Enjoy :) 

Brett and Y/N met his first season playing for the Rangers. Y/N had grown up with Brady Skjei, so when she moved out to NYC for college, she ended up spending a lot of time with the Rangers.

When Y/N first met Brett she was really smitten. She thought he was really attractive and didn't really think he would ever go for a girl like her. Brady had introduced them at a party, and although Brett had been very nice to Y/N,  she was so awkward that she avoided him for the rest of the night.

The next time Y/N ran into Brett was outside of the arena. She was waiting for Brady by his car so they could go to lunch. She was so engrossed in her Twitter feed that she hadn't noticed the man standing to her right until he cleared his throat. Y/N looked up startled by the noise and her cheeks went red when she saw who it was.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Oh, uh, no problem, I guess I should be more aware of my surroundings…"

"What are you doing here?" He inquired.

"Oh, I'm waiting for Brady. We're grabbing some food."

"Ohh, nice. He might be a little bit…he was just getting into the locker room when I was leaving."

Y/N chuckled a little, "yeah, I'm used to his tardiness…"

"So, you guys are close?"

"Yeah, we grew up together in Michigan, our families are good friends."

"Oh, well that's nice to have someone here in the city. Have you lived here long?"

"Yeah, this is my fourth year, I'm a senior at NYU."

"Ohh, that's awesome, what are you studying?"

"English.…"

Brett grinned at her tone, "why do you say it like that?"

"I usually get some shit for it, it's not a good 'money-making' career."

"Yeah, but if you're really good at it, it is…"

Y/N smiled, "yeah, I guess you're right. Hopefully I am…"

"I'm sure you are…and I guess as long as you enjoy what you do it's worth it."

"Says the guy who gets paid big bucks to play the sport he loves…" Y/N said with a smirk.

Brett laughed at her comment and before he could reply they were interrupted by Brady.

"What's so funny?" He asked walking up to the pair.

"Your face." Y/N said as she walked past both of them and climbed into Brady's car. Brett had started laughing even harder and Brady glared at Y/N before bidding farewell to his teammate.

Y/N had put on some music for their drive to the restaurant and they both sang along. Once they got to their table they studied the menu with little chit chat so they could order when their server came by.

"So, Brett…" Brady asked suggestively as their waitress walked away.

Y/N blushed but rolled her eyes staying silent hoping if she just doesn't respond to him he'll drop it.

"I know you have a hard on for him…" Brady pushed.

"Oh my god, Brady. Don't be gross. I barely know the guy anyway."

"Oh stop, you were so awkward after I introduced you to him the other night at the party."

"I wasn't awkward this time…"

"No, but you were red as a tomato…"

"I was not!"

"Were too!"

Y/N dramatically sighed, "okay, maybe I think he's really attractive…but it's not like anything is ever going to happen…"

Brady smiled triumphantly, "I knew it."

Y/N rolled her eyes and threw her straw wrapper at him. He giggled a little before changing the subject knowing he put her through enough torture already.

~~~~~

It had been a few weeks since Y/N and Brett's exchange outside of the arena. She had seen Brady a few times but the time was busy with training camp and pre-season and Y/N was getting into the groove of her classes. The team was having a party to celebrate having made it through training and of course, Brady invited Y/N. Y/N and her roommate Jess were at their apartment getting ready. Y/N had changed about twenty times, knowing Brett would be there. Y/N definitely wasn't the skinniest girl in the world and she knew it. Most of the time she was okay with her body, except for when she hung around with Brady's friends. Although his closer friends didn't tend to intimidate her as much, she tried extra hard to look good when she would be around the whole team and their wives and girlfriends. Even Brady's girlfriend, who Y/N absolutely adored made her feel a little insecure.

Jess walked into Y/N's room to hurry her along.

"Come on, Y/n/N. You look amazing, stop changing."

"Are you sure? You can see my stomach in this."

"Y/N. You look hot. Now let's go."

Y/N rolled her eyes but put her earrings in and shoes on and they were out the door.

Brady was hosting, which made Y/N feel more comfortable already. Y/N didn't bother knocking, instead opened the door right up and they said hi to people as they made their way to the kitchen to grab a drink.

"Y/N, Jess! Glad you made it." Y/N turned around at the familiar voice and gave Brady a hug. "How was your week?" He asked.

"Stressful, I'm ready to get drunk."

Brady chuckled a bit but made his concern known, "okay, but I better not find you hugging my toilet again…"

Y/N blushed at the memory from a few months ago over the summer. Y/N had just been dumped, if you can even call it that, by some dumb guy she would hook up with over the summer when she went home. Brady had been throwing a 4th of July party and by the end of the night, Y/N was puking in Brady's bathroom.

Y/N and Jess mingled for a bit before parting ways when Jess started talking to some guy who was friends with Brady and Trouba. Y/N had been in the corner talking with Gracia and a few of her friends when they were interrupted by Brendan grabbing Y/N to be his pong partner. Y/N quickly said goodbye and walked over with Brendan.

Y/N was excited to play, especially with Brendan, they had been partners for as long as she could remember and they always ended up winning. However, when she saw who they were playing against, she got a bit flustered. Standing across the table were Brett and Brady. Brady shot her a smile and she glared at him, but he just laughed as they began playing.

"Come on, Y/N, what's your deal tonight?" Brendan asked after she missed the 4th cup in a row.

"I'm sorry, I don't really know…"

"Well, figure it out, I can't lose to Skjei and Howden." Y/N rolled her eyes when Brendan slapped her ass and handed her the pong ball. He shot her a smile and a wink. Luckily, this one went in so she was free of his criticism for another round. Although, she didn't miss the confused look Brett's face when he saw their exchange. She shook her thoughts away and refocused on the game.

Thankfully, they pulled out the win, Y/N improving a little throughout the game, but Brendan really carried their team.

"I'm gonna take a little break." Y/N said to Brendan, giving him an apologetic smile and before he could protest she walked down the hall to Brady's room.

Y/N downed the rest of her drink and flopped back on Brady's bed and sighed. She closed her eyes for a few minutes. She sat up quickly as she heard the door opening, hoping it wasn’t Brady and Gracia coming in for the night. She relaxed a little bit when she realized it wasn't them, but grew anxious again when she realized it was Brett.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you…again." He said a smirk.

Y/N smiled, "it's okay, I scare easily…"

"What are you doing in here?"

"Just need a breather, what about you?"

"Same. I love the guys already, but they're a lot."

Y/N chuckled at Brett and agreed, "yeah, they're kind of crazy."

Y/N scooched over on the bed signaling for him to sit down. He took the hint and sat down next to Y/N and lied back just as she was before.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your alone time."

"It's all good, I should probably be getting back anyway…" She said as she went to stand up.

"Wait," Brett called just as she opened the door. Y/N stopped and turned around expectantly, "what's the deal with you and Brendan?"

Y/N couldn't help but laugh a little, "what do you mean?"

"Well, when we were playing pong earlier, I saw him, um, slap your ass…"

"Ohh, yeah, it's okay. He's just like that…I guess." Y/N responded not really knowing how else to put it. "But it's okay, really."

"So, you two aren't like hooking up or anything?"

"Oh god, no."

Brett smiled at your insistence. "Good to know…have a good night Y/N."

Y/N burrowed her eyebrows when she left the room not really knowing what that meant. Of course, she had butterflies from the whole exchange but she couldn't help but think about what he said for the rest of the night.

Jess had left with that guy she had been with all night, so Y/N decided she would head home too. She made her way around the party to find Brady.

"Hey," she said walking up to him, "I'm heading home."

"Where's Jess?"

"Oh she went home with that Miles guy."

"Why don't you just stay here?"

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't want you going home alone."

Y/N rolled her eyes, "Brady it's not that far. I'm going to take an Uber, I'll be fine."

"No, you can just stay here."

"Brady, I want to go home."

"I realize that, but even an Uber alone can be unsafe."

"Brady, please."

"Sorry, Y/n/N."

Y/N sighed and walked away annoyed. She decided since Brady wouldn't let her leave, she would get a little more drunk.

A little while later, Y/N found herself on the couch, the party had significantly died down, but there were still a few people there. Just as she finished the last of her drink, she went to stand up and get another one, but as soon as she stood up she stumbled a little bit and she felt a hand on her back to steady her. She looked up and blushed when she saw that it was Brett.

"Easy there killer." He said making sure she was steady before letting go. "You've had a few since I last saw you…"

"Yes...and need another…" she said as she started to walk away. He quickly followed her and steadied her again as she tripped into the kitchen.

Brett was relieved when he saw that Brady was in the kitchen, he didn't really think it was a good idea for Y/N to keep drinking but didn't think he had the authority to say anything.

Brady looked up and saw Brett steady Y/N as she tried to grab another drink. He grabbed the liquor bottle from her hands and put it down. "That's enough, Y/N."

Y/N glared at Brady, "I'm fine, Brady. Give it back."

"Yeah right, you just about fell over trying to pour yourself a drink. You're done."

"Come on, Brady, you're no fun." Y/N pouted.

"Remember what I said? No puking in my toilet tonight."

"Well, it would be in mine if you had just let me go home…" Y/N mumbled.

Brady raised his eyebrows and Y/N conceded and put the cup down. Brett had to keep from laughing at how comical the whole exchange was. They really were like brother and sister.

Brett took this as his chance to say goodbye.

"I'm headed out man, thanks for hosting."

"Yeah, no problem, thanks for helping this one…" Brady responded pointing over to Y/N as she glared back at him.

Brett chuckled a little bit, "no problem. Have a good night, Y/N."

Y/N seemed to forget all about her issues with Brady and blushed as she waved goodbye to Brett.

Brady was the one to roll his eyes this time and turned Y/N around and led her to his guest room. Once Y/N was all tucked into bed Brady turned to leave the room.

"Thanks for taking care of me, Brady. Sorry I was acting like a brat." Brady turned back around and walked back over to Y/N and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"No problem, Y/n/N. Next time I'll just embarrass you in front of your boyfriend…" He said giggling at himself.

"Very funny."

Brady ruffled Y/N's hair and left the room. Y/N sighed and rolled over to grab her phone. She hadn't really looked at it much throughout the night, but when she opened Instagram she saw that she had a follower request from none other than Brett Howden. She smiled to herself and passed out before she could even accept it.

~~~~~~

A week later, Y/N found herself getting ready for the Rangers first home opener. She had rushed home from class to give herself as much time as possible because she wanted to look good. Although Brett had followed her on Instagram, she tried not to read into it, because a lot of the guys followed her on Instagram and she didn't want to get her hopes up.

Once she got to the arena she texted Gracia to see where she was at and then met up with her and some of the other WAGS.

"Are you coming out after, Y/N?" Gracia asked as they walked to their seats with drinks in their hands.

"I'm not sure yet… I was going to meet a few of my friends out, but we'll see."

"Why don't you have them meet up with us?"

"Yeah, I guess I could do that."

The Rangers ended up with a win, which was very exciting and meant the guys would be in a good mood. Y/N decided to text Brady after the game instead of going down to the locker room so she could go home and get ready.

She had gone out with her friends and decided she would meet up with the guys later in the night. Y/N tried to take it slow tonight because this guy from school, Connor, she had been talking to was out with them and she was hoping they would be going home together.

When they got to the club where the guys were, she found them at their usual booth and introduced everyone to each other. Y/N tried to keep it casual with Connor, although Brady was usually chill around guys with her, she was worried he would go into overprotective mode and ruin things for her. However, that only lasted a little longer as Y/N had a few more drinks in her and they went to dance.

Y/N had lost herself in Connor, they were making out and having a great time dancing together.

"I'm gonna run to the bathroom." Y/N yelled into his ear as the song changed.

"You wanna get out of here after?" He asked.

Y/N nodded and headed towards the bathroom. He followed her off the dance floor but walked towards the booth where his friends were to tell them that they were leaving.

Brady's ears perked up when he heard Y/N's name being mentioned in the same sentence as 'going home with.' He looked over at the guy and studied him trying to determine if he would let it happen or not. He looked around trying to spot Y/N and noticed that Brett looked annoyed.

Brady nudged him, getting his attention, "what's up, man?"

"Nothing." Brett huffed glaring at Connor.

Brady grinned a little, "you have a problem with him?"

"What? No." Brett replied a little quickly.

Brady laughed out loud this time, "go stop it."

Brett looked over a Brady confused.

"Go stop him from taking her home…."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because, that would be mean."

"I mean, I was just trying to figure out if I should let it happen myself, but if you really think so, I guess I'll let it be."

Brett contemplated a little more, but sat back and sighed. Brady shook his head at the rookie and took another drink.

Just a few minutes later, Y/N made her way over to Brady to say goodbye.

"Hey! I'm headed home." She said giving Brady a quick hug  then turning to leave hoping to dodge his questioning.

"With who?" Y/N rolled her eyes and turned back around to talk to Brady.

"My friend."

"Which friend?"

"Connor."

"That guy?" Brady asked, pointing over at him, knowing full well who it was.

"Yes, that guy. I know him from school, he's fine. Any other questions, dad?"

"Where are you going?"

"My place."

"Okay, be safe."

Y/N smiled at Brady and looked over at Brett.

"Night, Brett!" She said cheerily as she walked back to Connor and they headed outside to their Uber.

~~~~

The guys had the next day off so a group of them went to brunch. Y/N met them there and gave Brady a hug before she sat down.

"How was your night?" Brady asked, not so nonchalantly.

"It was good. He was very nice to me…"

Brady smiled at her admission. "Good, I don't want to beat anyone up on my day off."

Y/N laughed at Brady before asking how the rest of his night was.

"It was good, we didn't stay too much longer after you…you should ask that one how his night was…" Brady replied, pointing over to Brett. Brett was in the middle of the conversation and hadn't noticed Brady pointing towards him. Y/N looked at Brady with a puzzled look but Brady just shrugged it off.

Y/N kept stealing glances at Brett the whole brunch. She of course, was still smitten with him, but had come to terms with admiring from afar. A few times he caught her looking and she tried to avert her eyes but it was probably pretty obvious.

After everyone had finished, they all went their separate ways. Y/N had walked to the restaurant because it was only a few blocks away, so she started her walk back home.

"Y/N, wait up!" She heard from behind her, she was startled at first, but then relaxed when she remembered the voice.

"You really like scaring me, huh?" She asked with a smile on her face.

He blushed a bit, "I'm sorry, I really don't mean to."

"It's okay, I'm just messing with you…what's up?"

"I just saw you walking this way and figured we could walk together."

"Oh, yeah sure, do you live this way?"

"Yeah, just a few blocks down."

"Oh really? Me too."

Brett smiled and they continued walking.

"So, how was your night last night?" Y/N decided to ask, Brady's comment unable to leave her mind.

"Oh, it was okay, how about yours?"

"It was good."

Y/N noticed that Brett had started acting a little weird when she brought last night up. But she still wasn't sure why Brady told her to ask him.

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Brett spoke up. "So, um, that guy you were with…is he your boyfriend?"

"No, um, just a friend from school."

"Oh, do you hang out with him a lot?"

"Um, I mean, I guess kind of…we have most of our classes together."

"He seems nice."

"Yeah he is." Things had gotten very awkward and Y/N was starting to wonder if Brett was upset about Connor. She had a hard time entertaining that idea because she didn't think Brett was attracted to her.

Thankfully, Y/N’s place was coming up so this could come to an end.

"Well, this is me. Thanks for walking with me, Brett."

"Have a good day, Y/N." He said as he waited for her to get inside, she waved once punched in the code and he waved back as he walked down the street.

Y/N immediately called Brady.

"Hey, Y/N, what's up?"

"What do you know?"

"I'm sorry???"

"What do you know about Brett."

Y/N heard Brady chuckle on the other end of the line and she grew impatient.

"Seriously, Brady. Why did you tell me to ask him about his night?"

"Did you?"

"Yes and it was super weird."

Brady laughed some more.

"Brady!!"

"Okay, okay, sorry. He hasn't actually said anything to me, but I think he was jealous of your boy last night."

"What? Why?"

"Really, Y/N?"

"What?"

"Because he likes you ding dong."

"I seriously doubt that."

"Why? And don't you dare say because of what you look like."

"Well, it's true."

"Clearly not, he was all annoyed when that guy came over and said you guys were leaving."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I told him to do something about it but he didn't want to because he didn't think it was fair to you."

"Hmm..true, but interesting."

"When did you ask him?"

"Just now, we walked home together."

"He lives near you?"

"Apparently, we got to my place before his…"

"Y/N, he definitely has the hots for you."

"I don't know, Brady…"

"I'll dig around some more, but I'm pretty sure…"

"Okay fine, just don't be obvious."

"Am I ever?"

Y/N rolled her eyes even though Brady couldn't see her, "yeah, kind of. Anyway, I gotta do some work. I'll talk to you later."

"Later, kid."

~~~~~

The guys had been gone on a road trip for a few days, but Gracia invited Y/N over for dinner the night Brady was supposed to be getting back. Y/N went over early to help her make dinner so it would be ready when Brady got home.

Gracia received a text from Brady and smirked at Y/N when she read it.

"What?" Y/N asked.

"Nothing, Brady just texted, he's on his way from the airport now." She said conveniently leaving out the part that someone else would be joining them.

Y/N started setting the table while Gracia finished cooking.

"Oh, we need one more place setting." Gracia grinned as she saw Y/N setting the table for three.

"Who else is coming?" Y/N asked just as the door opened and revealed Brady and Brett following behind him.

Y/N immediately blushed and raced back into the kitchen to grab another place setting. Brady followed her in and gave Gracia a kiss, then turning to Y/N to give her a hug.

"I could kill you." Y/N said as Brady squeezed her tight.

"You love me." He said letting go, grabbing the plate and silverware from her hand. "Don't be rude, go say hello to our guest."

Y/N followed Brady to the table and looked over at Brett.

Brett smiled at Y/N and greeted her with a hug.

Y/N was shocked as he had never touched her like that.

"Hi, Brett. Congrats on the goal…"

"Thank you. Were you watching?"

"Of course."

Brett smiled again as Gracia and Brady brought the food to the table. They all sat down and talked about the road trip and the guys asked the girls what they were up to while they were gone.

Y/N and Brett had actually really hit it off and it wasn't awkward like it usually was. When it came time to leave, Y/N was actually kind of bummed. Brady could sense that Y/N was having a good time, so he tried to get them to ride home together.

"You taking an Uber home, Y/N?"

"That was my plan."

"Are you going home Brett?" Brady asked, turning towards the rookie.

"I was planning on it."

"You guys should share and Uber, you live near each other right?"

Brett and Y/N looked at each other and shrugged.

"Works for me." Y/N said.

"I'll order an Uber."

"Thank you so much for dinner!!" Y/N said giving Brady and Gracia hugs.

"Thanks for helping, Y/n/N. You know you're welcome anytime!"

"Dinner was delicious, thank you." Brett said, giving Gracia a hug. He then waved at Brady, "see you tomorrow, man."

With that, Y/N and Brett were headed down to their Uber.

"That dinner really was amazing, do you cook like that often?" Brett asked once in the Uber.

"Not really that much, my kitchen isn't as nice as theirs. But I like to cook."

"I wish I could cook, I usually eat at the rink or do take out."

"Well, I’ll make sure to invite you the next time I make a meal.” “I’d really like that.” Brett said smiling at Y/N.

Y/N blushed at how Brett was looking at her, she didn’t want things to turn awkward but she didn’t really know what else to say.

They ended up just making small talk until they approached Y/N’s place.

“Thanks for letting me share an Uber with you…” She said, stepping out of the car.

“Anytime, have a good night!” He called after her.

“Thanks, you too!” She said, waving as the car started moving again.

~~~~~

Once inside, Y/N did a little dance, she was so happy Brady had invited him over for dinner. She already started thinking about when she would cook next.

She sat down at her desk to do some work when her phone buzzed. It was a text from Brady.

Is he there?

Is who where?

Is Brett at your apartment?

What? No, why would he? 

Are you kidding me, I sent you two home together for a reason.

Oh my god, Brady. We had a nice talk in the Uber…

Well I was hoping you would invite him inside.

Why would I do that? 

Seriously? You guys were having a good time.

Yeah but that would have been weird if I invited him in, and my place is a mess right now.

Well clean it up, sister.

I’m rolling my eyes at you right now. I have work to do, goodnight!

I’m not done talking about this....he likes you, but he’s too chicken to do anything about it.

Once she saw the last text Brady sent, she decided to skip the texting and call him instead.

“Yes?” Brady said, picking up the phone.

“Wait, he likes me?”

“Yeah, that’s what he said on the roadie. That’s why I invited him over for dinner...but I guess you’re both too chicken to do anything.” “Well, excuse me, he’s like really hot, it’s intimidating.”

“You’re ridiculous, he’s not that attractive.”

“Speak for yourself!!”

“Just get over it and make a move.”

“I mean I told him I would invite him over the next time I cooked…” “Perfect. We’ve got Friday night off, have him over.” “Doesn’t that seem a little soon?” “You’re overthinking this. Just invite him over Friday night, I’ll text you his number.”

Y/N sighed, “okay, fine. Thanks, Brady.” “Anytime, kid. Have a good night.”

~~~~~~

The next day, Y/N mustered up the nerve to text Brett. She typed, deleted, and re-typed about 15 messages before she finally pressed send.

Hey Brett! It’s Y/N, Brady gave me your number...I was wondering if you were free Friday night? I’ve got Chicken Parmesan on the menu…

Y/N had sent the text a few minutes before class began hoping that being in class would be a good distraction. She started to overthink things though because she hadn’t felt her phone vibrate. She was bummed when she got out of class and saw that he still hadn’t responded. She told herself it was because he was at practice, so she went to the library to distract herself more. She had gotten into writing an essay and by the time she was done, she was happy to see a text from Brett.

Hey, Y/N :) I would love to have dinner Friday night...is there anything I can bring?

Y/N smiled to herself at his response. She put her phone down and made some final edits on her essay and printed it out before she texted him back because she didn’t want to seem eager.

Just yourself...and maybe some wine? ;)

Y/N was surprised when her phone dinged just a minute later.

I can definitely do that...I’m very excited to see you again.

Y/N blushed at his responde and debated what to say back… she decided on a simple ‘I can’t wait to see you either :)’ and figured the conversation would be over. When her phone buzzed a few minutes later she figured it was one of her friends, but was surprised again when she saw that it was Brett.

How is your day going?

It's not so bad, I'm done classes for the day, but I have a lot of work to do :( How is your day?

I'm sorry you have a lot of work to do, that's unfortunate…my day is alright, practice was good, I'm just hanging out for the rest of the day. Although I feel kind of guilty when you have a lot of work to do…

That's very sweet of you…it's okay. It's not actually that bad, it's just work I really don't want to do and have put off until now…

I'm a big procrastinator too…it's my downfall.

It's the worst…I really need to break that habit.

I guess I'm probably not helping right now…I'll let you get to it. I'll see you Friday night ;)

Have a good day, Brett :)

Y/N put her phone in her pocket as she walked down the street to her apartment and couldn't stop smiling. Just as she approached her apartment she got a call from Brady.

"Hey Brady, what's up?"

"Nice to see you made your move…"

Y/N rolled her eyes, "does he tell you everything???"

"Well, not everything, but I've been trying to help him out with this so he let me know as soon as he saw your text…"

"I guess I owe you a thank you…"

Y/N could sense Brady's smug look on his face through the phone.

"Yes, you do, and you're very welcome."

"Is this the only reason you called?"

"Mostly, I was gonna ask if you wanted to get lunch too?"

"Yeah, sure. Where are you?"

"I'm at the apartment, I'll meet you in 30?"

"Yeah, just text me where."

~~~~~~~~

The next two days went by pretty quick and Y/N found herself scrambling around the apartment cleaning up and preparing dinner. Her roommate was staying at a boy’s place for the night and she was glad to have the place to themselves if everything went well…

Once she had things mostly put together she hopped in the shower and put some light makeup on. Her stomach was in knots as she finished putting her mascara on and looked at the time. Brett would be getting there any minute now, so she quickened her pace and went back into the kitchen to finish up dinner.

Just as she was taking the chicken out there was a knock on her door. Y/N set the chicken down and walked over to the door where she took a deep breath and tried her best to compose herself before opening the door. She smiled as she took in his appearance. He had nice dark jeans on with a very well fitted button up. He was also holding flowers in one hand and wine in the other. Y/N blushed and stepped back so he could come in.

"You look beautiful." He said kissing her cheek.

Y/N's cheeks flushed at his compliment, "thank you."

Brett looked around the apartment for a minute, "this is really nice."

"Thank you, it's a bit small, but we made it pretty cozy."

"Yeah, it's very homey."

Y/N chuckled at his comment and took the flowers from him as she led him into the kitchen and grabbed a vase.

"These are beautiful, thank you."

Brett smiled and put the wine on the counter.

"Dinner is almost ready, sorry, I was hoping it would be done by the time you got here…"

"No worries, is there anything I can do to help?"

"I think I'm all set…thank you though." Y/N said with a smile as she grabbed two wine glasses from the cupboard. Brett opened the bottle and poured them each a glass as Y/N finished up with dinner.

Just a few minutes later they were sitting at the table enjoying dinner.

"This is amazing…"

Y/N blushed, "thank you."

"Where did you learn to cook like this?"

"I guess, just my mom? I used to love helping her in the kitchen, she taught me a lot."

"That's really cool. You've got me hooked. I'm glad I live just down the street…" he said winking at Y/N.

Y/N blushed yet again, her face basically a constant shade of pink.

They fell into a comfortable conversation, talking about their families and talking a bit more about your relationship with Brady.

"Were you always this close with Brady?"

"I guess not really, he was always around, but him and my brother used to torment me…"

Brett chuckled a bit, "I can definitely see that…"

"Yeah, but as we grew older, Brady obviously left home for hockey and stuff, so we didn't see him as much. We really kind of reconnected here in New York."

"Did your brother play hockey?"

"Yeah, he just played locally though, he was more into baseball."

"Did he play in college?"

"Yeah, he played for Michigan."

"That's cool, did you play any sports?"

"Yeah, I played soccer, hockey, and lacrosse."

"Oh, wow, 3 sports huh?"

"Yeah, I mean, I wasn't super serious about any of them…I guess hockey more than the others, but I decided against pursuing it in college so I could come here."

"You were gonna play in college?"

"Just for a d3 school…but I really wanted to be here at NYU, my family was pretty upset, but they got over it."

"I guess we'll have to go skating soon, I'd like to see what you got…"

Y/N laughed at that, "not much right now, I haven't really skated much recently, I haven't even been at all this season."

"We'll definitely have to change that…"

As the conversation lulled they took their dishes to the kitchen and cleaned up a bit before making their way to the couch to watch a movie. However, they didn't really watch much of the movie. They just kept talking and talking and eventually ended up cozying up to each other.

Brett had reached over Y/N to refill their wine glasses and as he sat back they found their faces very close to each other. Y/N looked into his eyes and they stayed like that for a few moments before Brett made a move.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked softly.

Y/N had barely nodded her head before Brett's lips crashed into hers. It was the most passionate kiss she had had in a long time and she found herself melting into his touch. They made out on the couch a bit before they decided to take things into the bedroom.

Y/N had the most fun with Brett than she had with another guy in a long time. They finished the night off cuddling in bed. Y/N always felt awkward after…not knowing how to have the conversation of if they were staying or not, but Brett seemed to think a conversation wasn't needed. He got out of bed and went to the bathroom, Y/N got up as well putting a shirt on, assuming when he got back he would get dressed and leave. But much to Y/N's surprise, he climbed right back in bed and looked at her expectantly.

"I'll be right back." She said as she made her way to the bathroom and took off her makeup and brushed her teeth. She hurried back to bed where Brett was waiting. They soon fell asleep and Y/N slept the best she had in a long time.

The next morning, Y/N stirred as she felt the warm body separate from her. She whined a bit which Brett returned with a chuckle.

"I've got to get to morning skate. I'll see you at the game tonight?"

Y/N sat up a bit and took in his appearance. He was slipping into his jeans but was still shirtless. Y/N bit her lip as she admired his chiseled chest.

"Yeah, I'll be there." She said sleepily. Brett smiled at her pleasantly then leaned over to kiss her goodbye.

"Good luck!" Y/N called after him and then fell back asleep.

~~~~~

Brett realized as he left her apartment he really didn't have much time to get to the rink. He reluctantly decided to just go straight to his car and drive to the rink, although he knew he would get chirped for his appearance.

He turned out to be right. As soon as he got out of his car he met a few of his teammates going into the arena and they immediately started laughing.

"Walk of shame into the arena, man? That's rough…" Brendan Lemieux joked as they walked the halls to grab some food.

Brett however, kept walking so he could change into some sweats, hoping to avoid further embarrassment.  

Much to his dismay, when he went back to grab some food, more guys had arrived and everyone started laughing and cheering him on. His face grew red and he tried to ignore most of the comments. He sat down at an empty table and ate in silence. However, Brady made his way over and clapped his shoulder.

"So, dinner was good?" He asked, smirking at the young player.

Brett smiled a bit, "yeah, it was really good."

"Good, but now I feel like I need to have the talk with you…"

"The talk?"

"If you hurt her, I'll kill you."

"Ah, that one…I don't think I could, man. She's amazing."

"Yeah, she really is. Treat her right…and maybe next time get up a little earlier…"

Brett scoffed, "yeah, believe me, I will never be doing this again…"

Brady chuckled a bit, and they ate in silence.

~~~~~

Y/N slept in pretty late, but woke up with a smile on her face as she remembered last night's events. She checked her phone and saw a text from Brady.

Way to go, Y/n/N. You managed to get Brett chirped for the rest of his life…

What?!

He showed up looking a little rough in his clothes from last night…

Oh my god…why didn't he change?

He didn't have time…

Oh no, it wasn't too bad was it?

Nah, the guys just keep laughing at him and they probably won’t let him live it down for a little…but he'll be fine. Did you have a good time?

Yes, a very good time. Thanks for helping me out Brady.

Anytime…just be careful, okay?

I will. I'll see you after the game tonight?

You bet!

Good luck, Brady!! <3

~~~~~

The Rangers ended up with a win tonight, Y/N found herself waiting down by the locker rooms with Gracia as she usually would. They were talking with a few of the other wags while waiting for the guys to come out.

When Gracia spotted Brady, she gave him a hug and kiss. Once they were done Y/N gave Brady a hug too and congratulated him on the win.

"Your boy should be out soon." He teased.

Y/N blushed a bit but rolled her eyes trying to ignore the butterflies she felt in her stomach. She hadn't talked to him after he left this morning and she was a little nervous. Although he left after giving her a kiss, she was nervous about how he was feeling, especially after running late to the rink this morning.

Her nerves quickly subsided as she spotted him approaching them with a big smile on his face. She stepped forward and he gave her a hug.

"Great job, tonight." She said in his ear.

He thanked her while letting her go and he greeted the other Wags around him.

"Are you going out tonight?" He asked, turning his attention back to Y/N.

"I think so…are you?"

"I am if you are…" he said with a smirk. Y/N smiled but before she could say anything back to Brett, Brady ruffled her hair to get her attention. She rolled her eyes and tried her best to fix her hair.

"We're gonna head out, you want a ride?" He asked.

"I can bring her home…" Brett offered as he looked over at Y/N to get her approval.

Y/N smiled and nodded her head in agreement.

"Alright then, I'll see you guys later." Brady said as they walked off.

Brett turned back to Y/N, "you ready?"

"Yeah, let's go."

They talked a bit about the game on the drive to their apartments and as they approached Y/N's apartment she started to thank him for the ride.

"Do you want to share an Uber out tonight?" Brett asked.

"Yeah, sure."

"Cool, I'll come over around 11?"

"Sounds good, see you soon." Y/N said as she stepped out of his car and made her way inside.

~~~~~

Just a little while later, Brett found himself at Y/N's apartment again and they went out and met some of the other guys. Y/N always had fun with the guys, but she was having even more fun with Brett at her side. As the night went on and people started trickling out, Brett and Y/N decided to leave too. This time, returning to Brett's place where they spent another amazing night together.

The next morning, Y/N woke up next to a sleeping Brett. They had the morning off, so he didn't have to jet off to practice. She got up quietly and went to the bathroom to freshen up a bit before Brett woke up. When she returned, Brett was sitting up in bed looking at his phone. He looked up when he heard her come in and smiled as he put his phone down and patted the spot next to him. Y/N climbed back into bed, they cuddled a little before things got a bit heated and they went for another round.

"I'm starving." Brett exclaimed as he moved off of Y/N and laid back down on the bed.

"Do you have stuff here? I can make us breakfast…" Y/N offered.

"That would be amazing."

"Alright, then. Let's go, you're helping me this time." Y/N said getting out of bed and putting a shirt on. Brett followed in suit and they made their way to the kitchen.

After they ate, they hung out on the couch all day watching TV until Brett had to go to a team meeting.

When Y/N finally got home, she laid in bed and thought about how great life was right now.

[mcjour]

ok

set the scene: we were eating dinner

lol

she turns to me and asks me a question. it was something along the lines of like do you miss your dad or do you feel sad on fathers day or something.

which ughhhhhhhhh this is NOT dinnertime conversation. but i could tell where this was coming from. her dad passed away about 2 years ago. so fathers day is still kinda raw for her. 

and she said that. not in those words exactly. but she said she was in the area and she stopped at the cemetery so she was wondering. 

so i was a little annoyed but i went along with it. whatever. and told her the truth. that i really don’t think about him and i forget fathers day is even a thing. so not really. unless i like really sit down and think about it. and then it’s kinda sad yeah.

maybe i’m forgetting a transition or something but the next thing i remember is she’s like yeah, i remember when you were in high school. and you posted on social media about him taking you on a lake and feeling uncomfortable.

and boy was i seeing red!!!!! i was literally SHAKING that was how angry i was.

you see, i did not post that on social media. or i guess i did. i posted it on tumblr. which idk, yes, is a form of social media, but is a different, more anonymous form of social media. but i was using tumblr as my diary. (like i literally am right now lol). maybe that’s stupid, bla bla bla nothing’s really anonymous, putting stuff on internet forever. WHATEVER. 

i already got mad about this before when it first happened. when she first let slip that she read my tumblr. back when i was in high school. i literally ran away when that happened. so violated. i had no reason to think that someone in my house was opening up my tumblr account and scrolling around and reading through all my posts???? what the fuck??? 

Like I said, that was my diary. that was my rawest thoughts. she was so pissed at me back then, because i would write about her. uhhhhh what else would you write in a diary about????? i’m not broadcasting this to the world. i only had a small amount of active followers. not many from real life, maybe a handful. and most of them were friends anyway. so it’s not like i’m telling my cousins or the town or idk who the hell she thinks i was talking to. nobody. i was just talking to me. if literally one person wanted to read and “like” my post, good, i appreciate the validation. at least somebody was listening (uhhh .. i could say something here but i won’t). but like, i swear to god it was basically a private diary, for me.

and a journal/diary was so important for me back then. i was really truly fucked up and i needed to clear my mind. process on paper. and honestly her snooping really fucked me up. because what used to be my safe processing was now destroyed. deemed unsafe. my world was flipped upside down. my secrets, my vulnerable thoughts?

why didn’t i do it on paper? clearly bitch is a snoop! nothing was safe. yeah i could tear it up afterwards but i wouldn’t be surprise if she jigsaw puzzled it back together. also that defeats the purpose. i didn’t know it at the time, granted, but cptsd means my memory is utter shit. i appreciate reading through those old posts now because frankly i wouldn’t remember any of it otherwise. and tumblr vs microsoft word? again, someone could easily snoop through a word doc. and like i said, i really didn’t think anyone else would not only think to go onto tumblr, but then to have to figure out how to navigate to my blog, and then find my posts among like the stupid ass memes. like..????????? what

and actually now that i think about it, i wonder what other ways she snooped. like i stayed logged into facebook, did she read my facebook? when the hell did she even have the time for this anyway?

so anyway, i remember the post she was referring to. my dad moved to this house across the street from a lake. and he took me out on a boat. and it was just me and him. and i was kinda weirded out. i think i had just learned the dark history of my family or whatever LOL. so thinking about how he was actually a r*pist. so i think i was sitting in the boat being like oh great, like i’m literally in the middle of the lake with nowhere to run to, he could just r*pe me here and i couldn’t do anything about it.

ok. i know. that’s a big leap. but i was what, 17? and dealing with and processing a lot of shit. And like i said, i had just learned all this bad stuff about him. maybe it was the first time i had seen him since then? i don’t know

regardless... i wrote about it because duh processing. it was a very vulnerable raw thing like i said. it was such a stupid post. or maybe i think that now that i was “caught”

anyway..... i was mad. i still am mad. i was pissed when it happened and now i’m pissed knowing she read A LOT and pissed knowing that she has been holding onto all of those things that she read for all of those years. i mean, i guess i wouldn’t have expected her to magically forget but what the FUCK

and so yeah that was a traumatic experience in 2014 and here i am reliving it in 2021. like i said, literally shaking

i don’t know how i held it together but i did. i wanted to yell at her for violating my privacy (do you know she had the AUDACITY last time to say that i “left it up on the computer” BULL FUCKING SHIT. I mean i didn’t log out, that’s true. but i would NEVER be so careless as to leave tumblr open on the computer, least of all on a personal post like that!!). and thank god i didn’t say anything because i am sure she would have echoed the same thing about how i ~left it up~ or whatever BS. 

god i’m getting enraged typing this out

and a shame too, we were eating leftover chinese food, which is always good. i had already eyed the seconds i was planning to grab. but now i was nauseous and lost my appetite.

then she was going on about how he used to be a great dad when we were little and like yeah when i was little i would’ve agreed. we played barbies or whatever the fuck. but nowadays i know better. so i’m like um well even when he was a good dad he was a bad dad. and shes like what do you mean? and i told her the ~classic tale~ about how my dad tried to tell us about his sister and i was 3 or something so i asked a dumbass question and i remember hiding under the table from him and my brother has told me “oh yeah that’s when he threw me at the wall.” so like .... yeah... i told her that story

and then she has shocked pikachu face!!! wanted to slap that right off lol. because part of me thinks there is no way she didn’t know/ hadn’t heard that story. fuck off. but ok, maybe she genuinely hasn’t, give her the benefit of the doubt. well jeez what’s so shocking about it????? you knew he was abusive so?????? like why would it be surprising that that happened. oh yeah, it’s not.

anyway idk what i expected. i think she said like “oh wow i didn’t know that” or something. and then went on and talked about his sister, talked about his dad, how she got in a fight with him over a newspaper article????? whatever. ok. so this was never about me at all. you didn’t care to listen to what my answers were. you just wanted to talk about you and your dad and literally anything else.

so i get hit with the double whammy. the privacy violation flashback with one hand, the use as a therapist and exploit your trauma with the other

so yes, i was shaking. by the time i was going to clear my plate, i was near tears. thankfully was able to hold them in (but never let them out after.. oops). but by the time i got upstairs i really couldn’t breathe properly.

strangely but luckily, my cat was already on the bed waiting for me. i mean, she is on my bed all the time, it isn’t SUPER strange. but usually she goes straight under the bed and comes out from under eventually (*at this specific time of day LOL). god i love her and how she always knows what i need. so i was able to pet her and stuff.

um but yeah i’ve been in a slog since then. like couldn’t really sleep and all that. i just...ugh.

[quietpagan]

TH What Falls and What Grows ch. 14

What falls and what grows,

What reaps and what sows,

Cares nothing for beauty or bane;

In changing field,

The flower must yield,

And the weed will grow in again.

  The three of them just stared at each other for a few moments, Draal’s shoulders tensing as Blinky ogled at the felines.

“They, erm…like me,” he muttered, scratching the back of his neck.

“Oh my God…”                                            

He looked bad, but better than when she’d kicked him out. The arm and eye she’d turned to stone during their duel were almost completely healed, to the point where he only had a few stiff fingertips. His torn nose hadn’t finished, but that hadn’t stopped him from putting a bent piece of rebar through the damaged tissue anyway. When he stood he stood tall, without any stoop or limp, and Alex was actually relieved to see him well. Filthy, but well.

He’d made efforts to keep himself clean, but he was in the human underground, not the troll tunnels, and sometimes mere effort just wasn’t enough.

“You realize where you’ve been living,” she asked. A bit of damp grime unattached itself from the ceiling and splattered on her shoulder. “I do have a sense of smell, Trollhunter.” “Yes, and so do we. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. We can’t stay here long.”

Draal followed behind her and a bemused, somewhat unhappy Blinky with little complaint. Honestly, he just looked happy to see someone who wasn’t a cat.

“I doubt I would receive a hearty welcome home, Trollhunter,” Draal murmured as they walked, his strays trailing behind him like a parade. “Take care to remember that I was banished.”

“It was more like unofficially ostracized. There was no actual banishment or casting-out,” Alex said. She took point, looking around each corner before going forward as Draal pointed out which tunnels to take. “It is tradition.” “It was implied. You can come back at any time.” “They will not be happy about this,” Draal murmured mournfully.

“I have a big sword,” Alexandra replied. Blinky, at her side, looked mildly worried.

“He does have a point, Master Alexandra,” he said quietly, turning to her to try and block Draal out.

“No matter his state, he was dishonored, and thus is unable to return without having earned it.” Alexandra snarled at him in demonstration.

“I also have pointy teeth.”

“And they are very menacing, yes, but you can’t just start swinging fist and foot at all who disagree with you! You are a part of our Heartstone now, a member of our collective tribes, which means that you have to follow the rules that our society dictates! Just because you are the Trollhunter does not give you the right to go gallivanting about, doing whatever you want!” His tirade stopped when he noticed her grinning. “And what, precisely, has you so amused!” Alex laughed, the sound echoing in the damp tunnels.

“I was wondering when you would start yelling at me again,” she said, to his astonishment. Up ahead of them, the tunnel brightened. “You’ve been tiptoeing ever since the whole ‘Changeling’ misunderstanding. I forgave you for that a while ago – I was just waiting for you to accept it.”

Blinky sputtered and blushed, as she knew he would, when they stepped through the torn grate and out of the tunnel.

Alexandra went first, watching the underside of the bridge for any unpleasant visitors. She hated this place now.

Mid-afternoon was raging above them, the noise of cars and their radios echoing inside the canal. Traversing the canal in broad daylight was a fantastically bad idea, given the likelihood of being seen by the humans on the bridge, but they were running out of options. Sunset was hours away, and the sewers were completely unsafe.

Several of the cats that trailed behind Draal spread out, wandering around the edges of the canal.

“Hold on,” said Draal to Blinky, behind her. “You knew she was a Changeling too?” “I was grossly mistaken,” whispered Blinky morosely. “I accused her of such in front of the entire market, to my eternal embarrassment and shame. She proved me both a liar and a fool and wait just one blasted minute, what do you mean ‘too’?! You thought she was a Changeling?” Alexandra’s hair stood up, but she couldn’t tell if it was from the conversation or if she felt someone watching them. The underside of the bridge looked empty, but she knew Bular to be adept at keeping himself unseen. There were also goblins and other Changelings to worry about. She didn’t like the feel of this.

I hate this fucking bridge.

“Is she not?” “Of course not!” Blinky fervently hissed. “I made a humiliating miscalculation, and she proved it with a gaggletack, even! But if you suspected the same thing, why did you not come forward?” Alexandra didn’t hear an answer, meaning that Draal must have merely gestured. She wanted to focus on the conversation but couldn’t, and she turned around with a last, suspicious glance.

“I’ve got a bad feeling,” she said, interrupting the two. “Do you want to risk it, or head back?”

“I would like to get out of this blasted tunnel sometime today,” said Blinky. “This is an…uneasy place, however.” “I cannot go back,” said Draal, gesturing to the other end of the bridge. Alexandra smacked him on the arm, and then wiped her hand on her vest.

“You can stay by the staircase until I can sneak you in,” she said, “But I’m not just going to leave you here.” Draal looked mildly stunned, but Blinky was smiling.

“I can take care of myself, Trollhunter,” said the larger troll.

“But my being Trollhunter means that you don’t have to,” she replied quietly. Draal shifted uncomfortably.

Softy, from the darker end of the tunnel, the faintest, slowest “Waka chaka…” echoed from the gloom.

All three of them stiffened. Alexandra grabbed their arms with her four, and gently pushed them out of the grate.

The goblin down the tunnel looked to be alone, so far, and was watching her curiously. She kept eye contact with it as she backed through the bent bars, not looking away until the others caught her, preventing her from walking backwards into a ray of sunlight.

The shadow of the bridge bowed somewhat from the movement of the sun, and they walked completely silently along the darkened line. Perhaps, if they could get to the other side without triggering the goblins’ ire, they might make it without a fight. They just needed to stay quiet and slow.

All of the cats scattered suddenly, every one of them bolting away from the group and out of the canal, and Alexandra knew…

…’By the pricking of my thumbs’…

…that they were about to get their asses beat.

“RUN!”

Draal caught the horngazel as she pushed it into his hands.

“You’re the fastest, get that portal open NOW!”

He loped away, leaving her and Blinky to trail after him with their stupidly short legs.

Above them, laughter rang.

“Do you just hang around there all day, waiting for someone to come out?”

Bular landed on the concrete with a resounding CRACK, the ground sending up little shards. Alex summoned her sword and chipped off a piece of his arm before he could draw his own weapon, and then booked it as fast as she could away from him, teleporting just a few feet ahead.

Better prepared as she was, she still didn’t want to risk Blinky and Draal’s lives by engaging and possibly dying in a fight.

Bular easily caught up with her, however fast she ran, and he slammed his head into her side, chucking her a good fifteen feet across the shadow. Glow from the armor trailed after her but she could feel the puncture from his horns, and it bled alarmingly across the concrete. Her bottom left shoulder wrenched as she landed badly, and only Draal’s alarmed bellow saved her from getting her head caved in when Bular tried to jump her. She twisted her sword up at the last second and he fell heavily upon it, the blade piercing his hip.

It was odd, how sunstaining smelled. It was slow, like burning dust in an old heater, but although it lacked the decay of flesh it still smelled dead.

The leathers Bular wore protected him from being sliced in half, but his scream of anguish echoed across the canal, and as he fell to the ground his right leg and half his hip and tail turned to stone. Alexandra was too busy trying to stop her own bleeding to celebrate the hit. The adrenalin and pain were making things too fast and too shaky. She smelled blood and it made her heart race sickeningly.

“Trollhunter! Here,” Draal yelled, a bright blue light behind him indicating the opening of the portal. Flashes of green and rough, deep shrieks told her more than she needed to know about how many goblins there really were, and all of them were trying to get through the door.

Bular twisted and grabbed her foot as she tried to run, pulling her over his jagged body to slam against the ground on his other side. She pushed her foot against his face and got a foot full of screaming teeth for her effort, even if she was able to push herself away. Bular levered himself to standing, using one of his swords as a cane, the other no less deadly for the shaking hand that held it.

Alexandra scrambled to her feet and watched his eyes.

At the end of the canal, a flash of blue caught her gaze and she pulled off her helmet, throwing it as hard as she could at Draal, who was coming to help her. It caught him on the collarbone and she held out a hand.

“Don’t,” she said quietly, knowing that Draal would hear her.

“You’re still injured and I need you to go home,” she hissed. “Please keep the portal open, and don’t let anything else in!”

Out of her periphery, the blue mass that was Draal backed up and kicked an invading goblin into the wall, leaving a smear of green. He and Blinky settled firmly against the open portal, slapping away goblins, and she turned all three eyes back on Bular.

The shadow of the bridge had lengthened with the late sun to where she could not dart around Bular without him reaching her, even with his injury.

Six feet to the left, sunlight shimmered with heat.

If I tackle him, I can get him into the sun, she thought, shifting her feet uneasily as Bular carefully watched her movements. He was being curiously and disturbingly silent.

Blinky know I’ve got the Leoht Stone, it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine! Maximum effort!

Alexandra ground her feet into the concrete and launched herself at the son of Gunmar, slashing at his face so that he was forced to lean backward and unbalance himself. She tackled him around the middle and the weight of her threw him across the shadow. She thought that she was succeeding, until his arms grabbed her around the middle and suddenly they weren’t so much being pushed by her tackle as falling, directly down onto the concrete. He used her momentum to fling her over his head, and she desperately dug her sword into the ground to keep from rolling backward. She skid to a jolting stop just inside of the shadow.

Bular flipped onto his stomach and pushed himself up with a snarl. He began to lever himself up again, and then stopped, his eyes focused on her right leg. She glanced back at it with a single eye.

The heel was in the sun. And Bular didn’t know about the stone!

With a panicked yell Alexandra summoned her sword and threw it at Bular’s face, rolling toward him in time to catch the hilt as he knocked it away with a shake of his horned head. He grabbed her by her own horns and slammed her face into the concrete. The smells of cement and aggregate and flood residue mixed with stinging blood in her nose and the sudden welling of tears, the sense curiously heightened as the ground eight inches in front of her face blurred dizzingly.

Bular leaned down, using the side of her head to balance himself, and the acrid smell of old blood and digested flesh spread over her face in a warm, close gust.

“I. Saw,” he whispered in her ear.

Utterly immobilized beneath his immense weight, her helmet shivered and screeched as Bular’s claws dug into it.

“I’m half tempted to let you go, just to watch you die by those you’re sworn to protect.”

“How chivalrous,” Alex muttered, the words muffled with half her mouth ground into the dirty concrete. Out of the corner of one eye, Blinky and Draal were occupied with the invading horde of goblins.

Hell with it.

She half-transformed her head and body. Bular was thrown off balance by the sudden lack of horns beneath his hand and he fell for half a second, and that was all she needed. Body made smaller for a critical instant, she pulled her legs over her stomach and shoved them into his abdomen, turning back fully and levering his body off of her.

But even half stone-turned and slower he was massive, and he lashed out with one foot as she tried to scramble away from him.

The heel connected with her injured side, and in a panic Alexandra teleported.

She landed ten feet in the wrong direction, and sunlight blinded her.

Whoops-a-fucking-daisy was the only thought that crossed through her mind.

The sunlight beat down on her troll skin for the first time in years. Her body was warring with her, it knew that despite its immunity it shouldn’t be in the sun, and she fought the instinctive urge to turn to her human form, but –

- Blinky and ­­­­Draal were just in the shadows, staring at her with open mouths, and never had the heat of the sun felt so cold. She was well aware that Blinky knew about the Leoht Stone, but…still. She knew the stone was a lie, even if he didn’t, and never had she intended him or anyone to see her like this.

Back in the shadow, Bular chuckled. Alexandra trembled as he murmured the word she had always hated; the word she trained herself not to flinch at; that motherfucking word that she had not been called by anyone still alive in over fifty years:

“Impure.”

She almost threw up with the beating of her heart so hard in her throat, but as Bular laughed she drew herself up, brushed off her armor, shouldered her sword, and walked calmly in the sunlight away from his stricken form. He made no effort to follow her; the sound of his laughter was enough to dog her footsteps. But where she walked he could not follow, and his eyes burned as they watched her. She’d injured him the worse, but he’d won this fight.

Blinky and Draal both drew away from her when she re-entered the shadow, as if they were expecting her to turn to stone then and there. Alexandra winked at Blinky and stepped through the portal, and was shut back into safety.

Her skin was still warm from the sun. Blood and pain were still pulsing from the wounds on her side and face and bitten foot, and she slid down the wall with a groan.

“I love Sigrid the Shadowless,” she murmured to her knees. “Good work with the goblins, gentlemen.”

“A most fortuitous choice of gem,” said Blinky faintly. When Alex looked she saw that he was actually a bit pale, on the bits that weren’t smeared with green gore.

Alex laughed and nodded.

“I’m not quite ready to spend eternity with those ghostly assholes,” she said, clutching at her side as she banished the armor. Draal knelt beside her and poked at her abdomen.

“We need to take you to Vendel,” he said. “Although…does he know?” Alexandra, who suddenly found herself having difficulty staying awake, forced herself to rouse.

“Hmm? Know ‘bout what?” “That you are a Changeling, Trollhunter. Are we really not talking about this?” Alex pushed herself up with a groan.

“Draal, I’m not a Changeling,” she said firmly, banishing the armor and unlocking the back of the amulet. Her fingers fumbled as she pried the Leoht Stone out of the casing but she managed to shove it underneath Draal’s ridiculous rebar hoop.

“This stone belonged to the Trollhunter Sigrid the Shadowless, and it grants the user the ability to walk in daylight. I’d say it was pretty useful. Help me up.”

Alex pushed her arm against Draal’s chest, forcing him to grab it and pull her to her feet, where she actually swayed.

Blinky swooped into action, activating the crystal staircase and hopping down them as quickly as he could.

“Draal is correct that you need medical attention, Master Alexandra. Wait right there, please, I shall fetch AAARRRGGHH…”

Alex ignored him and started down the stairs, leaving smears of blood on the glowing crystals.

A trickle of blood tickled the back of her throat and she coughed. Damn, her nose was broken again.

The loud echo seemed to loosen Draal’s tongue, at least. Alex had wondered vaguely how long he could stay quiet.

“Why did you lie to Blinky,” Draal said as he helped her over the wider gaps in the stairs. She hopped a little on her unbitten foot and glared at him.

“I didn’t lie,” she said calmly. “I’m not a Changeling.”

“I once had an understanding with an Impure,” he returned. “I recognized your scent, eventually, and your habits.”

Alexandra stopped, and so did he, and he backed up when she turned to him with glowing eyes.

She wanted to throw Draal against the wall and threaten to remove a limb, for calling her that – but it would do no good. Her heart wasn’t into threatening someone she finally would admit to considering a friend, and she knew that being as monstrous and violent as possible, although it was significantly easier, was not a better alternative to actually being open and honest for once.

Her fists clenched, but she did not draw her sword.

“Don’t call us that again,” she said quietly. “I honestly don’t care what you think of Changelings, personally or in general, but don’t call us that again. There is nothing about me that is impure.”

She grabbed Draal’s filthy arm again to see what he would do, and when he didn’t flinch or back away further she leaned on him again.

“Why didn’t you tell Blinky,” she whispered.

“I…I spent many long days pondering what to do, when I realized what you are. You were chosen by the same amulet that chose my father, and which had refused me. You spared my life, and saved it again today. Whatever you may be I believe you have earned your right to be here, and to have your secrets.”

Alex nearly wanted to cry.

“Damn straight I have,” she murmured furiously. “I guess this means I won’t have to threaten you with decapitation?” The giant blue idiot’s laughter shook the crystal stairs, just as AAARRRGGHH and Blinky reached the bottom and began to climb.

“If it would make you feel better, Trollhunter,” he said. Alex let go of his arm and allowed AAARRRGGHH to pick her up like some blood-smeared, eight-foot baby.

What an asshole.

 Vendel was not amused to have a bleeding Trollhunter brought inside the Heartstone, and even less amused to hear about the Bridge. Blinky filled him and AAARRRGGHH in on what had happened as AAARRRGGHH placed Alexandra down on a stone table.

Vendel moved aside a few odd-looking bits of his work and held an old eyeglass up to Alexandra’s side, peeling back the edges of her blood-sodden vest to see the puncture. After a brief glance he set his staff against the table and moved forward for a closer look.

“Were you even wearing your armor,” he mumbled grumpily. Alexandra hissed as he poked at the hole.

“As a matter of fact I was, but Bular decided that my stomach was a good spot to smash his face into.”

“Hmph. I am waiting for the day I hear that you have gone the same way as poor Unkar the Unfortunate. You certainly seem to encounter Bular enough to make it a distinct possibility. Disrobe.”

“What can I say,” Alexandra croaked, sitting up with difficulty and trying to get her wrenched arm out of her vest. “I’ve always had a thing for tall, dark, and murderous.”

Vendel put a massive hand to her back to balance her, and rolled his eyes.

“Deya save us from a Trollhunter with a sense of humor,” he said. Alex dropped her vest on the floor and he lay her back down.  

He worked in silence from that point, save for the occasional mumble, and Alexandra did not dare relax. Finally laying down was tricking her brain into thinking that it was time to actually sleep for once, and she needed to be alert for the right moment to make her escape. Getting medical attention from someone who knew what he was doing, instead of buying a poultice or a healing crystal at a stall and hoping that it would be enough, was great, but not when Vendel was suddenly perfectly in place to see how quickly troll medicines worked on her Changed physiology. She couldn’t relax, not now. Draal was still waiting at the portal entrance, and she needed to get out before Vendel wondered why her skin was healing so much faster than it was supposed to.

He made sure that her shoulder wasn’t dislocated and set her nose back to its usual crooked place, but otherwise paid closest attention to the puncture on her side. After an agonizingly long time, Vendel declared the wound too shallow to have missed anything more than muscle and fatty tissue, and he slathered something tingly over it.

“How long have I got. Be honest.”

The old troll snorted as he wiped his hands.

“With any luck, several centuries more,” he said, surprisingly softly. “With each battle you make you seem to strike a crippling blow. Perhaps next time you’ll actually kill the vicious brute.” “’Thought you didn’t ask me to kill Bular,” Alex murmured. Vendel shook his head and walked over to the side of the cavern.

“It seems that I do not need to, Trollhunter,” he said. “By yourself you’ve come closer to it than most of your predecessors.”

He put a hand to the wall of the Heartstone and bent his head. After a moment of silence, a tiny chuck of yellow crystal broke off of the wall to his left, and he deftly caught it.

Alexandra stared with wide eyes as he walked back to her and pressed the crystal shard, as wide as her hand was long, against her side.

“What did you just do,” she asked. Vendel used his staff to pick her filthy vest off of the floor.

“The Heartstone shares its essence with us,” he said, “and on occasion will also share pieces of itself to hasten a troll’s recovery from sickness or injury. Keep that on your side, and hopefully I will not have to see you in here anytime soon.”

Alex was just glad that she was allowed to leave so soon, but he stopped her with a sharp tap on the shin.

“Don’t move,” he said grumpily. “There are a few medicines I have to give you, and I’ll have AAARRRGGHH take you back to your chambers. The less you move, the better.”

Alexandra innocently languished on the stone table while he slowly stomped away, and when he was finished packing her a medicine bag she swung her legs over the table and hopped off, failing to bite back an anguished yelp but managing to snatch the bag from Vendel’s hand and book it to the exit.

“Trollhunter, get back here!” Alex gimped away as fast as she could.

“Thanks, I feel great!”

She heard Vendel mutter something angrily, his staff thunking against the floor, but he did not pursue her.

“Then I will heavily advise you to not walk until tomorrow morning, at the earliest, for all that I expect you will listen to me.”

“Of course, but I’ve still got to go fetch Draal,” she said, the door closing behind her just as she heard a startled yelp.

“What?!”

  Alexandra could have said a lot about the troll equivalent of twiddling their thumbs, when she laboriously climbed up the stairs to find Draal balancing bits of rocks and crystals into little stacks, but for the lost look on his face she said nothing except an order to carry her back down.

The market wasn’t as empty as she would have liked when they entered, and enough trolls were out and about to notice Draal the Destroyer’s homecoming. She’d made Draal put her down, not wanting to be carried in plain sight for the second time that night, and her slow, painful pace hampered their progress.

“What is he doing here,” said a one-eyed troll. Alexandra shooed Draal past him and elbowed aside another who was in their way.

“He’s here because I asked him to come back, and you don’t actually need to be assholes about it,” she said firmly, making a few members of the crowd tut disapprovingly.

“Everybody have a good evening,” Alexandra yelled, glaring at the trolls in their way until they backed down. She slowly led Draal through the marketplace and into the residential quarters, where he picked her up again without her needing to ask.

Her rooms smelled better, at least, since she’d gotten the gnome to start taking out the mess that the cats made. He still lived in a hole in the wall of her bathroom, but enjoyed the wrappings of whatever foods she’d bought over the day, and the cats had learned not to try any play with him lest they get a tiny, painful bite on whatever offending foot tried to bat at him. She saw him skitter back into his hole as Draal set her down and closed the door.

“Just stay here,” she said, gently shooing two cats away with her foot. The felines clearly recognized Draal as the person who had brought them to Alexandra, and they crowded around him. “Your old place was taken over, I already asked. Unless you’d like to stay in your father’s rooms?” Draal, knuckling a happy cat on the head, murmured a negative.

“I have not visited those rooms in years,” he said quietly. “It would not feel right, even now that he is gone.”

Your father sucked as a dad, Alex thought, resolving to bring some of her cats over to Kanjigar’s place just so that they could shit on his floor.

“I’ll take his room,” she said instead. “Everyone will be expecting you to stay there, not here. I’m still picking through his library, anyway.”

“You are bleeding on my floor, then, Trollhunter,” said Draal with a faint smile. Alex picked up her bitten foot, examining the tiny smear of blood that came from the toes.

“It adds to the décor,” she said. Draal snorted and lightly shoved her; the strength of the blow sent her tumbling roughly onto the nest. She kicked Draal in the leg when he sat next to her and grabbed her coddled-together medical kit from the floor. The brief, vaguely fond exchange was almost too friendly for Alexandra’s comfort, too close, too familiar – but in all honesty she didn’t have the energy or the heart to keep more of a distance.

Bloodied vest and pants were added to the pile of leathers on the nest, and he dabbed a sweet-smelling tincture over the ragged puncture in her side. The fragment of Heartstone that Vendel had given her was applied to the wound.

“Hold it there.”

Alexandra patiently held still as he tended to her wounds, feeling the aches in her body slowly build up as she allowed her muscles to finally relax. The tension that seemed to hold her upright fled, and every hit and bruise made itself known.

Alex almost fell asleep while Draal was wrapping up her foot; she awoke to find herself slathered in poultices and ointments, with a fluffy black cat curling up between her left horn and her cheek and Draal settling in behind her.

“Should call yourself ‘Draal the Cuddlebug’,” she mumbled sleepily. A crystal-laden arm slid under her back and pulled her onto her side, just as the other one crawled over her torso and pushed her back against his chest.

“No. No. You have your own bed now, let me go.”

Something that felt like a face pushed into the back of her head, and she summoned her helmet just to spite him, moving her head so that her back horns poked him in the cheek.

“Get your goddamn rebar out of my fucking hair, you jackass.”

“You are welcome to leave, Trollhunter,” Draal murmured. His arms loosened enough that she could wiggle out without difficulty.

“I don’t want to exacerbate my injuries,” Alex said. She was seriously enjoying the warmth that he gave off, especially since she was still undressed and chilly from the poultices.

“Good excuse.” “Shut up and go to sleep.”

  A/N: Bitch you thought. I thought. We all thought. I’ve got the original chapter where she really did admit to being a Changeling stored and I’ll post it after a bit as a ‘what-if’ chapter, but after much deliberation it would have complicated the story too much at this time of the telling. Usurna and the Tribunal would have been alerted and Alex doesn’t have enough support within Trollmarket for that kind of reveal yet. Also, making her trust Blinky and Draal with something so close to the chest after she’s only just started to open up didn’t really rub me right for her character. She’s been secretive and reticent about getting that close to people for decades and she’s not going to change that in just a month or so without some serious character development and friend-making.

AHHAH HAH YAASS I LOVE fight scenes and I’ve been hoarding this scene for months.

What Blinky doesn’t know, and wasn’t around to witness first-hand, was that the stone of Sigrid the Shadowless doesn’t make a troll immune to sunlight, but turns them human temporarily (in my headcanon). Vendel knows this, at least, but fortunately he wasn’t around for this fight.

I don’t think that the Gumm-Gumms in the actual armies had much to do with the Changeling spies, so after so many centuries I doubt that AAARRRGGHH would have recognized her scent. But Draal damn dated a Changeling, so he’d recognize her scent after a while, especially since he was living with her after their fight. I’ll also make mention that she doesn’t smell exactly like a Changeling anymore, and you’ll see why in the next chapters. She’s funky smelling if you really concentrate, mostly troll but with a little Changeling mixed in.

For Deya’s origins I looked up the Welsh legends of Changelings and edited a little bit. It’s actually quite fascinating. And did you know that there’s a place in Cornwall called Mên-an-Tol that has a circular rock and a legend of getting your real baby back if you passed the Changeling kid through the hole? I’m not kidding.

And we’re back to grumpy cuddles. This will not be an Alex/Draal fic, I think, it’s just platonic cuddles. Alex would probably jump him if he asked, but she’s got enough on her plate without worrying about a whole relationship on top of everything else. Both of these assholes are a bit starved for physical affection at the moment and will get a little cuddly and close, but I’m not really feeling a whole relationship here. I’m not making nudity a bit problem for Alex; she’s never been shy about her body and I don’t think she connects completely with her troll form yet.

[fayvie]

NEEHU Sunday Funday

I was kidnapped on the way back to the hotel.

By kidnapped, I mean I willingly (nay, enthusiastically) climbed into the trunk of a car belonging to someone I didn’t know very well yet. But kidnapped sounds more fun, right? It started out as a cheeky solution to not having enough seats with @the-inquisition-scmh​, @sebsteerpike​, @arihi​, and Carneggy. But even when we realized there were enough seats, I was giddy with the idea of being stuffed into a trunk, and nobody could talk me out of it. I just had to hope that @the-inquisition-scmh was a good, confident driver.

Trying to figure out tumblr still, so hopefully this cut thing works to help save us all from stupid long post scrolling?

And he was very confident. Confident enough to begin swerving and speeding and scaring the shit out of me. Not to the point where I felt genuinely unsafe, but my heart did skip a beat when I heard another driver lay on the horn. My nerves translated into endless giggles while I tried to communicate with @arihi through various “ghostly” noises. I vividly recall sliding from one end of the trunk to the other, and shouting “Now I’m on the other side, wheee!” through squeals and laughter. I don’t know if I was just sensory deprived, but it felt like he was doing donuts in the car, although that may have been my imagination. 10/10 would recommend being stuffed into the trunk of @the-inquisition-scmh’s car. Next time it happens I think it’d be fun to at least pretend to put up a fight, maybe some hypnosis or rope involved! #entrancedgoals.

From then on, @sebsteerpike and I proceeded to nap-fuck our beds for a bit, I mostly just laid around feeling whiny and sick and gross. This would be a great time to mention the absolute hero of my weekend, @sammynona, who not only drove us back and forth from The Society various times even if it conflicted with his plans, but also picked up cold medicine for me and hand delivered it. Fucking. Hero.

I missed the bulk of the group hanging out in the swimming pool area, but I didn’t realize it until I was already dressed and ready to go swim. So I lured @sebsteerpike along with me and we enjoyed a nice quiet relaxing soak in the hottub. He also emphasized how my thoughts and brain were popping away with the bubbles of the hot tub until I was nothing more than a giggling melty mess. I remember feeling so sexy, silly, and pink while I was teased about being unable to do anything in a public place. Right on queue, @travisthehypnotizedpuppy poked his head into the pool area to come and say hello ♥. Probably for the best, as I didn’t have long to get my head back on straight before the group dinner.

There was some confusion on the start-time for dinner, so we ended up arriving a bit late, but the food was great and they let us take leftovers (which saved the day, come SNOHU).

The day also happened to be @hypnofoamer’s birthday, so we started up a little shindig in @sebsteerpike’s “Party Room” complete with the lovely @trancingwithmyself bringing cupcakes (shudder) and a giant-ass bag of Sourpatch (Sourgate, never forget). I got the chance to hang out with the two of them some more, which was an absolute pleasure all weekend. I adore their sense of humour and I definitely felt a kindred spirit and a natural comfort around them. I’d make some jokes regarding their leather-clad dominatrix baby-to-be, but I think that borders dangerously close to being placed on internet watch-lists. I also got the chance to hang out with @sammynona a bit more while the party grew in size and the classic “Hypno-Egg” came out to play, various duels taking place around the room.

I noticed the time and decided it was the perfect moment to slip away and find @zanythoughts for some of the plans we’d discussed over the weekend. Time was slipping away, and I kept reminding myself to be as pro-active as possible when I had the time to do something. I went upstairs to the party on the top floor, lots of really cool people I hadn’t had the chance to talk to much yet, but knew by reputation. It was a much calmer vibe up here as I tried to calm my nerves about getting tied up. I still didn’t know what to expect, but I knew that Zany was someone I could trust implicitly.

She already did an absolutely dreamy, gorgeous write-up of the events to follow here:

http://zanythoughts.tumblr.com/post/158437242348/neehu8-or-how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love#notes

I couldn’t do it enough justice, but I do want to write a bit about how it felt from my end.

She offered me a blindfold, that helped with the nerves. Everyone else was in the room, engaged in their own conversations, so I still felt a modicum of privacy despite not being alone. She ran the rope along my collarbone and I was surprised at how good it felt. Every time she hugged me from behind, whether to position my arms or just make that connection, it really made me sink into that wonderful happy melty place. There was no point that I felt physically or mentally uncomfortable, and Zany absolutely knew me well enough to ask if I wanted photos taken. “Hell yeah!” or “umm, yes please”, whichever of the two came out of my mouth, I was thinking both. With the addition of some gentle hairpulling and playful face slapping, I was relieved to be tied down or I might have melted off my seat.

It was around this point that I truly realized how unbelievably lucky I was to have a weekend around these amazing people. Between @sebsteerpike and @zanythoughts, any touch starvation I had been feeling was absolutely satiated ten-fold. I had been so spoiled, and the sad tinge of the impending end of the con on the horizon was starting to appear.

I returned back to the downstairs party and settled back in with drink in hand, ready to gush and rave about my most recent experience, but it was really hard to properly talk about it so shortly after. Instead, I had a series of great conversations with various people. @erogenousmind and I discussed my Hypno-Egg winning streak (flawless, probably), followed by a thoughtful conversation with Jack regarding hypno-kink and relationships with regards to non-hypno kinky people and how they adapt (briefly mentioned in a previous tumblr ask. I still want to go into more detail on this after I got an ask to clarify my thoughts, but I’m not sure I’m qualified to give more than just guesses and opinions). This developed into a larger conversation about love of food, how self-loathing helps us not hate ourselves (had to be there), and that devolved into me rambling about my love of poutine.

I was a bit tipsy, but I do have amusing memories of rambling to @meltinggoldanddippingthingsinit about my “hot for teacher” fantasies and college professor crushes, probably a bit too much. In hindsight I forgot to mention the best part, where the physics teacher I was crushing on hard gave us a lab assignment involving swinging pendulums, huehuehue.

We kicked everyone out and @sebsteerpike and I cuddled for like, ever. It was so hard to tear myself away and get back to my room, but I have the burden of bad eyesight, so taking out contacts was a requirement before sleep. I do love that even simple cuddling can become such a fun, sexy thing with him. As someone that desperately struggles with insecurities about her lack of sex drive, being around someone that can turn me on so easily was so fucking gratifying and fulfilling for me (more on this in another post).

I snuck back to bed at stupidly-late o’clock, relieved that I had the buffer of Monday before I left for Tuesday. I wouldn’t have to face the reality of the con ending for another day (just one more day, as I thought at the time!). One benefit to being tranced non-stop for several days in a row is that it takes me literally less than a minute after my head hits the pillow to fall deeply asleep.

[asexual-fandom-queen]

Overheat for the ship thing?

Who is more likely to hurt the other? I think Mick. Unintentionally, but between nightmares, and his pyromania, and probably trying to actively push Felicity away sometimes because he doesn’t think he’s good enough for her, he probably still does. 

Who is emotionally stronger? God, I don’t know, they’re both wrecks in this department. I think they both feel emotion quite deeply to the same degree, but where Mick’s go-to fix is to repress and drink his pain away, Felicity is all about externalizing her feelings with yelling and anger and sharp, biting words. But they’re both survivors who’ve gone through a lot, so I’d call it a draw. 

Who is physically stronger? Mick. Which does it for Felicity. A lot. 

Who is more likely to break a bone? Felicity. Mick’s out busting heads more often, but she’s more delicate and doesn’t have the fighting skills and gets herself into way more trouble than she should. 

Who knows best what to say to upset the other? They’re both so perceptive. I think they both know what to say to hurt each other, but Felicity is the one who’s more likely to actually say it. She can be really cutting when she wants to be (which, when she’s angry, she really wants to be)

Who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? Felicity. Mainly because I think most of their squabbles would be over things that Mick is insecure and hurting about but he either doesn’t know how to articulate or doesn’t want to show any weakness, and Felicity’s quick to snap and criticize and hit below the belt in the heat of the moment. So I think she’d ultimately be the first to apologize, but with that would also not let Mick off the hook about what they were originally fighting about and insist they talk things out in a kinder, more empathetic way. 

Who treats who’s wounds more often? Felicity is the queen of at home patch-ups for all of Team Arrow, and Mick is no exception. She’s either very tender or very rough, depending on how stupidly reckless the thing that got him hurt was. 

Who is in constant need of comfort? Mick. If only because he’s got more years on Felicity, because heaven knows, she needs her share, too. They’re both big on touch and exchanging physical comfort. 

Who gets more jealous? Mick and Felicity are both really possessive in relationships, but Felicity is more likely to have the whole “green-eyed monster” thing going on whereas Mick just wants people to know Felicity is his. The only person Mick gets properly jealous of is Oliver, which causes friction in Team Arrow (because yes Mick does join Team Arrow, fight me) from time to time, especially when Mick’s anxiety and depression are acting up and getting the better of him. I feel like it’s something he and Oliver have to clear the air about a lot, even though they are otherwise really good friends. 

Who’s most likely to walk out on the other? Felicity. I mean, in a good way though. She did it with Oliver when he betrayed the trust in their relationship (my feelings about how stupid that plotline was aside) and she’d do it again with Mick. If their relationship ever become unhealthy or unsafe, she’d drop him in a heartbeat, and have the whole Arrow Team backing her up. Which actually eases a lot of Mick’s worries. He doesn’t want to be his father or make Felicity into his mother. Knowing she’d leave before it ever came to that is a comfort instead of a sore point. 

Who will propose? Mick. He’s always been the type to show off what he has, and having Felicity wearing a visible sign of their commitment is a part of that. On top of the fact that he considers himself stupid lucky to be with her. Plus, Felicity would drop enough hints about it to kick his ass into gear if he was hesitating because of whatever demons from his past are trying to convince him it’s a bad idea. 

Who has the most difficult parents? Donna Smoak is a nightmare. A very well-meaning nightmare but, well… we’ve seen her in action. Though that’s probably not a good thing, in this case. Donna would absolutely not approve of her daughter dating a criminal (especially because Felicity’s father was a criminal and that just screams daddy issues too much for Donna to get on board, especially when the guy is so much older) It probably wouldn’t be until Mick has the opportunity to prove himself as a hero and, more importantly, someone who always has Felicity’s best interests at heart, that he’d win Donna over. 

Who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? My gut instinct is to say Felicity, but I don’t actually agree the more I think about it. Felicity is super tactile, but Mick is super possessive and probably wants to show her off. Not that I think he’d treat her like arm candy, but maybe a bit more old fashioned “this is my woman, isn’t she smart and pretty and funny and mine.” He probably throws an arm around her shoulders or puts a hand on the small of her back as often as she reaches for his hand. 

Who hogs the blankets? Felicity. Mick is a human Space Heater and doesn’t need them. Plus, since the shooting, Felicity has bad circulation and terrible anxiety whenever her legs get cold because it reminds her too much of not being able to feel them. She slept at a weird angle that made one of her legs go numb once and it took Mick an hour and a half to calm her down from a panic attack. A favor she repays often when Mick dreams about being Chronos and losing Len and his childhood home burning to the ground with his whole family inside.   

Who gets more sad? Mick and Felicity both usually warp their sadness into something else. Felicity has anger and obsessively working, keeping impossibly busy. Mick has anger too, but also binge eating and alcohol dependency. Felicity though is more likely to let her defenses down and allow herself to just be sad without masking it. Mick is super reluctant to ever let himself be vulnerable, even in front of Felicity, but every once in a while, he’ll cave, too. But only for her. 

Who is better at cheering the other up? Mick has more overt opportunities to comfort Felicity, and he’s no slouch at it. He makes her King Ranch chicken that reminds her of Vegas and plays with her hair and sings old John Denver songs (Annie’s Song is her favourite) But actually it’s Felicity who’s better at cheering Mick up, because she’s the only one who can, who understands him in and out and knows the darkest parts of him, the most vulnerable parts him, that he doesn’t want anyone to know. Sometimes, she’s the only one who’s even able to see he’s hurting. She kisses him soft and rubs the tension out of his neck and assures him his feelings are valid, confronts the storm head on instead of trying to get him to lock it away again, and he loves her so deeply for it. 

Who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes? Felicity, hands down. Because she’s so incredibly tactile. The first time Mick opens up to her about how his dad would smack he and his mom and his brothers and sisters around sometimes, she goes shock white and apologizes for every time she ever hit him in jest. Mick has to work around a lump in his throat to assure her that her touch has never once made him afraid. Still, her playful slaps turn into a hand running fondly down his arm, and it makes Mick’s chest tight and warm thinking about why. 

Who is more streetwise? Mick. Felicity’s not dumb, she’s just terribly socially awkward and can’t put any of what she knows about being street smart into practice without also putting her foot in her mouth at the same time. 

Who is more wise? It’s almost an even match, just in different ways. Mick has more life experience under his belt, so there are things about growing up and worrying thinking about the future he’s a lot more knowledgeable about. Felicity, on the other hand, is a lot more in touch with her emotions, and she’s wise in matters of the heart. It’s a really complimentary balance, and they play off each other well. 

Who’s the shyest? Shy? Either of them? Sure, Felicity might blush and stammer, but that never stops her from saying her piece. And Mick? He’s quiet sometimes, but guaranteed it’s because he either has nothing to add or thinks someone’s too stupid to be helped and doesn’t want to waste his breath on someone who won’t take him seriously. 

Who boasts about the other more? They’re both so bad, they do it all the time. John and Oliver have known Felicity for years. They know how great she is. Mick doesn’t need to keep telling them. Though they don’t mind, they love and respect Felicity too, and it’s heartwarming to hear Mick gush about her the way she deserves to be gushed about. Felicity’s boasting often comes as a result of her inclination to babble, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t speak highly of Mick more deliberately at times, too. Especially when someone’s speaking poorly of him. She’s scarily defensive.  

Who sits on who’s lap? Felicity, for obvious reasons. Mick pulls her into his lap nearly as much as she initiates sitting there herself. That being said, when they’re at home, in bed or sprawled out on the couch, Mick will sometimes rest his head in her lap while she reads on her tablet and let her trace absent patterns against his skull that inevitably lull him to sleep.