#not about my sexuality tho

[of-fandoms]

y'know what it's like when you're aroace and your family seems supportive but then one day someone just goes "and when will you finally get a partner?" and you're just sitting there, not knowing what to say to that because you thought they accepted that that'll never happen so you're just kinda left sitting there with that knot in your stomach that just gets tighter and tighter? And then you consciously think about how you'll never be able to fall in love and how that's fine with you but apparently it isn't for others and you can't understand why this is making you feel all awful inside or why this is even an important topic to begin with because you can't feel these feelings people want you to feel?

[spookberry]

tucker goin thru it

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[ry--chu]

montresor is such a fascinating villain to me I need to study him in a lab. he is deep seated fear, coated in self loathing and insecurity, coated in rage and bravado, and he's a monster and he doesn't know how to be anything else. he was told he was worthless and despicable his whole life and he decided if he would never be good enough he may as well be the devil they told him he was. he needs to pick fights he needs to be hated he hates being ignored he needs to control people but hates being genuinely loved he can't show weakness he is deeply insecure in his masculinity he took his religious trauma and started dressing as a preacher to fleece people at cards and seduce random women he killed a man on instinct to protect a dog he often laughs uncontrollably and I am blowing him up 1 million billion times with my mind

WHAT'S THE BLACKMAIL ANNABEL. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HE TOLD YOU I NEED TO KNOW WHAT SECRET COULD DESTROY HIM

[bastard-heir]

i was pregaming with the boys and my buddy tyler started going off on how cold it was gonna be that night, ribbing me for not bringing a jacket cause "man, you aways get cold!"

i offered to run down the street to my place to grab one, and he just stared at me like an idiot. "why do that when you can just borrow one of mine?"

i thought he'd just toss me one of his hoodies, but he ushered me back to his room and had me try on his leather jackets, watching me like a hawk and critiquing their fit more to himself than to me. "Nah, that one makes your arms look small," "this one falls on your hips weird", "you're swimming in that one, lol".

when he found one he approved of, he pointed me to a mirror in the living room where the rest of the guys were waiting. in my reflection was just some guy. just some guy, standing around with just some other guys, drinking beers and laughing at youtube videos. no too round shoulders or too wide hips or too long sleeves to give him away.

i locked eyes with our buddy jason through the mirror as drove his knuckles into my scalp and smiled, "That's our fucking boy!"

[blunt-force-karma]

I think we, the people, should talk about Barry the Butcher more. For real, I think we should, both in the grand scheme of things of the narrative of Disco Elysium and just cus it'd be a bit funny to. Think about it, how many people even really KNOW who Barry the Butcher is, or who remember Barry the Butcher? Do you, human reading this possible unhinged post remember Barry the Butcher? Do you recognize this man? Hell, do you think he could even be real? Well, those are all valid questions, dear reader! For one, he's named, yes, but all we really know about him is that he's friends with the man on the water lock (said by the Man on the Water Lock so who knows if they really ARE friends from what we see but let's just assume they are), he's stuck on the other side of the water lock, wears overalls, and looks disappointed that the water lock is broken and about about his salami being eaten by his friend. We can also assume that yes, he is a butcher. His name is Barry. He can make salami. Very astute observations.

This is the only bit we got of him too. Again, no portrait, no looking into the window of his soul. No can-opening. Nope. Nothing. Nada. All this man does is wave and look sad. You know this guy's irrelevant to the plot when we get more information from corpses. And sure, maybe that's not fair to Barry. The main corpse is related to the case and the other is related to a side case you can chose to do that has it's own emotional core to it. Only in Disco Elysium.

You never see the Man on the Water Lock or Barry the Butcher ever again by the way. After you interact with the Man on the Water Lock and MAYBE go back to talk with him again, once you enter a building and come back, he's gone, alongside Barry the Butcher. Day 1 exclusive guy's too. I am pretty sure if you never interact with the Man on the Water Lock, you can just never see him in the game after Day 1. Hell, I would not be surprised if you were to go into the game and the minute you're done talking to the Man on the Water Lock, Barry just despawns. Barry the Butcher doesn't get mentioned ever again to my knowledge, neither his salami eating friend though that makes sense. We never get to learn more about Barry the Butcher or get a callback about him. Nothing! And that's just so fucking FUNNY to me. On a game level, Barry the Butcher is probably one of the rare characters we meet that has a name, has his name in the dialogue box AND never gets a portrait while also never having any speaking lines either or just more than one paragraph of text related to him. He is probably actively one of the most irrelevant characters in this game which is definitely an interesting achievement to have as a character specifically in Disco Elysium of all games. On a meta level too, it's just funny. Like, Barry the Butcher was made and he was put in the game and he was given a MODEL! He has a MODEL! Like, some characters WITH portraits have no models. Barry the Butcher is so fucking SPECIAL in his mediocrity and that needs to be acknowledged. He doesn't matter at all but is so fascinating in how little he matters and the unique circumstances of his existence. Then, on a story level, it's fascinating to me. In the grand scheme of it all, Barry the Butcher is just a guy. He really is. He's not relevant to the story cus he's not relevant to the case. So, we simply never hear from him again. He's not even relevant in terms of thoughts cus he's just not that impactful to either the player OR Harry. None of Harry's skills can even chime in and give commentary on what they see about this man either. Barry the Butcher isn't even like those few people you can interact with who have stuff to say but you can never TALK to them cus they're just talking to themselves. Plus, they never get named cus Harry just never thinks about them ever again. They don't impact him. Barry the Butcher to me is fascinating on the fact that he IS named though. That he's given a model and not a portrait and never speaks and who knows. Maybe he just doesn't speak. We don't know that as the player or as Harry. And we'll NEVER know simply cus we're not meant to. Our story does not collide with Barry the Butchers. It barely even grazes whatever life Barry has going on. And, I think that's just beautiful. It's beautiful that a game like Disco Elysium can fascinate me on the fact that a character like Barry the Butcher exists. This game is in a world where people can just have different lives going on and not everyone in the plot "matters" plot wise. Yet, the fact that they're here and exist makes the world feel more alive. And not even in that way of filling the area with character models which I mean, not that there isn't characters like that in DE. There are. There's a good chunk of people you just can't talk to in the Whirling-In-Rags. Barry the Butcher is just like, so crazy to me though. He's so close to just being like one of those characters who just exist to fill space but it doesn't feel that way cus we're in DE and cus he at least gets the opportunity to be named and shown on screen to any extent. So, what I'm saying here is that we, the people, should come together on this. We should come together and unite for Barry the Butcher. I dunno how and I have no clue if this dumbass post will have any impact. I just needed to let this all out. Do it for Barry the Butcher. DO IT FOR BARRY!

[potato-lord-but-not]

I offer to you the ship of Roland Cummings, Delphine Cummings, and Charlie Dowd that has been absolutely rotting my brain and is ripe for Charlie angst. I talk about them a bit here in which I discuss multiple Charlie ships but I must spread the propaganda of them o7

Ohhhhhh despite not really being Roland/Noel girlie I can indeed see the appeal 👀

[vaguely-concerned]

bunter keeping peter from being swallowed up by an evil bog with the kind of hysterical strength otherwise only known by mothers deadlifting cars to save their tender babes is something that can actually be so personal

[lemeduartes]

Tried to tell my Dad about Bi Buck and this is how the conversation went:

Me: DAD! BUCK IS BISEXUAL

Dad: Your friend? Okay (I have a friend who's nickname is DUCK)

Me: what? No, dad, Buck! The firefighter from 911? You watched the show with me, remember?

Dad: OOOOOOOH YEAH I REMEMBER! The actor is bisexual?

Me: No, the character "BUCK" is bi

Dad: Well, you know the actor's PERSONAL LIFE now? He could be bisexual, or gay, or the thing that Deadpool is

Mom entering the kitchen: Who is gay?

Dad: Buck

Mom: Julia's friend? (I'm Julia)

Me: No, mom, the firefighter, he is bi

Mom: You friend is a firefighter?

Me: What? No, I don't know any firefighter. It's the blonde guy in 911, Buck, he is bisexual

Dad: Yes, and the actor may or may not be bi too, but we don't know that!

Mom: ok?

Me: *gives up*

[twilightakiishi]

made that template for three :3 venchiya rundown!!! more in tags if u care

[kairithemang0]

Man, Curt's got internalized homophobia so bad that for the first 3 months of their relationship he was convinced Owen was straight before Owen had to scream it in his face that he was gay and then Curt spent another 3 months still calling himself straight to Owen's face and Owen's so sick of it like Curt you 2 are actively fucking EVERY TIME YOU SEE EACH OTHER. AND YOU ARE VERY CLEARLY INTO IT. YOU ARE NOT STRAIGHT SIR STOP LYING TO YOURSELF

internalized homophobia agent curt mega ily

[jewishcissiekj]

Obi-Wan Kenobi (and Anakin Skywalker) by Adam Hughes

[dreadfuldevotee]

unironically kinda fun how much iwtv for me has been about doing and saying all the fun stuff I was, for various reasons, too shamed to do in other fandoms

[coquelicoq]

this relationship between the emperor and his favorite concubine is something else. because apparently she was his DAD'S concubine and she reminds him of his mom...he's like you're the only connection i have to my mother (presumably because she was friends with his mom, because they were concubines of the same guy, and because after his mom died she used to take care of him and make him the food his mom used to make him because she "loves children") and i'm sitting there like 😬 ok where are we going with this. then i get to the end of the show and discover they weren't going anywhere with it in particular. they were just like, we want this guy to have a mommy complex and we want you to know about it. okay. thanks i guess...