#not a very good explanation but i had to rewrite this so . haha.

[marchenhare]

vague creative process explanation for my crazy:b solo edits

ALL DONE IN PHOTOPEA. kohaku -> niki -> himeru -> rinne

kohaku:

original final draft (with no crazy:b or kohaku oukawa text) -> alternate version i spent a while on before i decided the stamp filter wasn't working for me -> final version

i wanted a simple and flowery vibe

most notable inspiration was the very pretty flower market flyers i found on pinterest! go look at them if you want.

decided on kohaku's fs because his df event card was... df... so i had to abandon it for logic reasons.

the font was supposed to have a printy vibe

the flowers behind him are a font! i just keysmashed into it lol

niki:

first draft -> second draft -> final version

this man owes me money for how much i struggled for his edit

wanted something simple, bubbly, warm

the first draft was me testing stuff out with shapes around him. i liked it but it didn't land what i was thinking of.

the second was because i thought circular text would suit the round vibes and i thought the card would suit circular text! i was also right but i didn't like the purple for this edit

the final draft was just me matching the circular text with the original card and colr palette. and then i added a cutout filter for the simple vibe. it looks nice which is deserved but i toiled for you niki shiina... it's okay though.

himeru:

one and done final version lol

not a lot of thought went into this tbh. i just wanted something with vaguely retro vibes and i really wanted to mess with overlap

chose the card because i thought it'd look good with the sidebar

there are forget-me-nots behind him. :). maybe this was all just an excuse to make you think about himeru's forget-me-not thing. (it wasn't)

rinne:

also one and done but even LESS thought went into him

i tried thumbnailing this one? and then i scrapped it. i don't remember anything else of the process of designing this. rinne amagi also probably owes me money.

i actually don't like his that much. the lesson here is if you try to pretend a piece of your work doesn't exist, then it won't to you. (this is not a good lesson)

[shuenkio]

Rewrite the stars | PJ.s 🍂

Paring: Jay x Male!reader | Genre: Angst but fluff.

Synopsis: the man who once broke your heart, decided that he will make a change between you and him, to form the love once again.

Cw: nothing just two exes getting back together.

Non proof read | Eng is not my 1st lang.

This is a work of fanfiction, do not throw unnecessary tantrums on this nsfw/sfw blog. ©Shuenkio

A-N: This was way back in June so it's a bit 🤏 cringe and many dramatic scene you'd discover, again I'm still develop how to express character emotion:> .

Years of dating with Jay crumbled in a blink of an eye when m/n saw him with a girl on a date with his gift that m/n gave him during his birthday. M/N calmed down, trying to process what's truly happening. We can't judge a book by its cover, but the moment M/N saw Jay press a soft kiss on the girl's cheek, it's over.

There's no explanation for this. M/N's tears break down unconditionally; he wants to go there and scream at Jay's face and ask why he would do such a thing to his boyfriend here. That's the ugliest memory you had of him. Nevertheless, since I love him very much, he can't seem to let him go.

Not because of his wealthy status; it's because he loves him so much from the bottom of his heart that he swears he would do anything for Jay. However, Jay had asked M/N to break up with him, and with no more heart in those eyes that once used to be, the adorable expression he made just for you when he talked about his day is no longer in this broken relationship.

Begging for him to stay would just make you pathetic and blinded by love. When m/n has decided he has to let him go, the person who's once been the love of his life is now leaving for their own good. Are all of the memories and promises nothing to Jay? The question seemed unspoken without an answer, clenching in his chest painfully in sorrow, along with the hurtful words that haunted your sleep every single day.

"Let's break up"

—5 years later, after  M/n graduated and found his true passion with his dream job. He was no longer stressing about nonsense; he got everything at the age of 25: money, a car, a house, importantly, a job. chapter of his life wherein he can get whatever he wishes for. I worked as a designer, making tons of exquisite and high-quality collections of luxurious clothes and dresses that hit the market every single time they were launched.

His name soon became the hot topic in society; not only did he walk with the trend, he was also loved by everyone with his relatability and kindness. Moreover, during the week, while he was spending his time at the spa, M/N got a call from his manager saying that there'll be a new member of a top-tier design team who wishes to work with you, especially as one of the co-workers. This was not new, nor is it difficult to handle, but what was coming for you was a blind spot.

The time has come; M/N is now in a meeting room, waiting for the new guy who is eager to work with him so much. He wonders who it could be, as a top-tier designer in this city will make an appearance in front of you at any moment soon. The glass door was opened by a pair of hands, and his manager came in with the taller man behind in his black suit. Everyone in the room stood up as a sign of respect except M/N.

He was so lost in thought at the new face behind his manager. He is quite familiar. M/N refuses to care if he's scolded by the supervisor, yet who cares? The whole group settled down in their own seats, and due to M/N sitting across from the table, he began to focus on the meeting instead of giving his attention to that guy.

"Everybody, Meet Jay Park! He will be working with us from now on, as a designer, of course, just like our gem, M/N. Haha, and it looks like this gentleman is here. I look forward to working with you. How do you like that m/n? " It was horrible the unrequited attention on you was your least favorite thing you thought would never happen; the uncomfortable shift in your seat explained everything.

"Very well, Mr. Park. So then, since I've already seen him, I'll take my leave. Please excuse  me." Once m/n knew who he was, he spared no time before leaving the place immediately. A glance on Jay's face, flashing back all of those nightmares once again. I don't know if it's because of work or something else, but deep down, a part of him said Jay is probably planning to take you back. How annoying.

Ever since the first meeting, of working together with your ex, M/N got nothing but troubling. Whenever Jay had time alone with M/N, he would always bring up the past topic all over again. He was truly sorry for his actions—for hurting you and for cheating on you with another girl. Jay swears he would wear his skin to the bone just for you to accept him once again.

However, it was such a bad move. Due to how much popularity M/N had, there's some reason you thought he would come back for you just because you had fame. Along with the sudden request to get back together, what will happen if he's going to cheat and repeat all the events once again? A busy day ended with the finished touch of your creation. M/N didn't know how long he had been standing here in the studio. All the sections are in pitch black except him. Employees have all gone back to their own homes. Prepared for you stuff to head home after a long day, a fade of voice fills the room from behind. Well, it was loud and clear to recognize.

"M/n i... Aren't you supposed to go home yet?" He paused, dipping his hands into his pocket.

"I'm about to. It's getting late; you should too," m/n implied with no enthusiasm for a small talk.

"Look, um, I know it's hard for you, but please hear me out." Jay's words seem so desperate; the low tone in his voice gives me chills. From the head to the bottom, not gonna lie, it's true he's a total mess. The bags under those eyes were visible on his face, and the lip was dry like he hadn't drunk any water. Is he going to make you pity him? No? At least you give him a chance to talk.

"If you talk about our relationship again, you should stop. I have nothing for those past  memories."

"I’m so sorry... I never should have hurt you. I'd let you go. But every day without you is like living in a world with no sun—cold, empty, and endless. I was wrong to think I could burn on my own and that I didn’t need you. Without you, I’m just ashes. Please, I can’t keep pretending I’m okay. I’m losing pieces of myself every day. Give us another chance—I need you more than words can say" He whispered, his voice thick with regret. His hands trembled as he reached out, but he hesitated. Still respect your boundaries and keep the space between them. M/N stood there, stunned.

His chest tightened, and he could feel the lump forming in his throat, making it impossible to speak. Memories flashed through his mind—the laughter, the nights spent together, all the moments they shared. Tears began to well up in his eyes, blurring his vision. He tried to hold them back, but they spilled over, one after the other. His hands shook, and he felt completely lost, unable to do anything but let the tears fall.

Unable to hide his own weakness, he covers his own face with the pair of his palms, breaking down on the spot as his knees feel weaker than ever. Why should you cry over someone who once broke your heart, someone who left you in the middle of the ocean with no shore at all yet? Till today, he was crawling back, begging for forgiveness, swearing he'd never done it ever again.

Isn't that two times more painful than before? Should you accept him back or not? Or are you scared of getting stabbed again? His heart sank as M/N started crying. Seeing him so broken made Jay's chest tighten with guilt and sadness. Jay can't contain himself to stand while watching you in this state; he was the one who caused this after all.

Unexpectedly, you were surprised to see him wrap his hand around you before pulling you into a tight hug. Listening to your sobbing was enough for him to bury himself alive in the graveyard. He wanted to wash all his sins away for having wounded you; if he could go back in time, he'd sacrifice anything just to keep you close

once again.

"Let's rewrite our story hm ? I'll be a better man from now on. I promise there'll be fewer tears in your eyes, pretty. I'll love you till the day that i die " 

🗣️ Reblog and like is much appreciated ♥

🗣️ please mind my English! ><

🗣️ dividers: Thecutestgrotto and crd to all the pic owner..

Thanks for this pookie 😽❤️ IWALY!!!!

[strawberijasper]

Paladin redesigns

So... my friend @adaphyl and I have been working on a Voltron rewrite because canon Voltron? Eughdghf god awful, we all know. But it's ok, it's not real it can't hurt us.

We've been working through the cast and redesigning characters. I'm posting the paladin redesigns first just because my Altean redesigns need a bit more explanation... there's a lot of lore and I just don't got it in me rn.

I say these are the paladin redesigns but I did also include Keith's dad for reasons, we called him Jim. Anyways here are my redesigns as well as some notes on our rewrites of the characters (I will go more into this at a later date, but for now just some important notes).

Keith:

He's trans ftm, wears a binder. He needs to be wrestled out of said binder because he will wear it for too long. He is on hrt but has been off of it for a while cause space.

Keith is itty bitty, we made him 5'5.

He has more non-human features, the stripes on his arms are Galran markings, as well as the "freckles" on his face. He does get more Galran features in the future (will be in a future post).

Shiro's son.

He's autistic because I say so (I'm projecting but also honestly none of them are neurotypical lets be real).

Lance:

Lance is amab and nonbinary, goes by he/they.

Fuckboy with a heart of gold but like... genuinely. He comes off as a fuckboy to many people but he truly is just a silly little guy. Canon Lance but far better.

He's average height, 5'10.

He wears friendship bracelets made by his nieces and nephews, and always has hair ties on him for anyone who needs one. The anklet is from his mother.

Shark tooth necklace is because it's his favorite animal (and because sharks are MY favorite and I'm projecting).

Pidge:

Transmasc genderfluid, uses they/them pronouns primarily but is fine with any.

Pidge is still the shortest, around 4'11 iirc.

Pidge is aroace because I say so, romance and sex repulsed they do not give a shit about any of it.

Their hoodie was originally Matt's, they stole it in order to sneak into the Garrison and decided to just keep it. Pidge misses their brother.

Pidge wears a binder and is very good about not wearing it for too long. They set a timer for how long they should wear it and will take it off as soon as they can, as well as set reminders for break days. They are on top of this shit.

Hunk:

Hunk has tattoos (not pictured, we're working on designing them). We wanted to really represent Hunk's culture and because he's Samoan we wanted to give him some traditional Samoan tattoos as a treat.

He's everyone's bestie/big brother actually and I love him can you tell I love him?

iirc he's around 6'0 tall.

Paints his nails the voltron colors, one finger for each member. His thumbs are painted yellow so he can point to himself.

Shiro:

Shiro is a trans man, he has had top surgery and is also on hrt.

Shiro is Keith's stepdad... kind of. Kind of stepdad kind of adopted dad. Simply dad.

Shiro is also around 6'0, shorter by Hunk by an inch.

Oh he also has a tongue piercing hehe haha.

Jim (Keith's bio dad):

Jim is Jim.

No but really, he was in fact a firefighter, we are keeping that. He dies in a fire and Keith now wears his dog tag.

He may have held hands with Shiro at some point :3c

There isn't much to say about him (I simply don't remember everything) but just know I love him.

[americanrecord]

woke up to a notification from you, saw the word hypothetically, clicked on it and it was already gone 🙃, but I support it, I think 💕

yes, hi! sorry this is so late, life is annoying. i popped up over on duffmckagans sometime last week and made a post (i don't even remember what i said), and then deleted it like five minutes later because i'm very conflicted about the whole deal.

i'm gonna use your post as a little life update anyway, because i really do miss tumblr and think i may return to duffmckagans because i've sort of outgrown my need for this blog. i'm very much still writing original content (or, try to, whenever i'm not busy (rare)), but i've sort of left behind the need to share that with other people, mostly just because 1.) nobody cares (real), 2.) it's so slow-moving these days that it just left me with the feeling like i had nothing to do on this blog because i've pretty much completely buried to rest the idea of ever rewriting that fic in an original format and settled another, more personal novel/project i have much more faith in the future publishing of. and because it is so personal and niche and boring, it just doesn't generate discussion or anything else worth posting about at the moment.

however, i do miss having a blog. i miss talking to people, i miss seeing my friends, i miss posting my writing, i miss reblogging silly pictures with silly tags, etc. i'm honestly at my busiest point in my entire life right now because i decided over the summer that i wanted to go to law school so i've been slammed between studying for that, taking the LSAT (law school entrance exam) twice and having a third attempt scheduled for january, tutoring, working almost full-time, some volunteer work, general family chaos (permanent fixture), etc. and if anybody remembers me from my college days, you may remember i was an anomaly in that i had a supremely unusual amount of free time. enough so that i could routinely churn out anywhere from 10k-15k of new words a week. was it good? no, not really, but that's besides the point. i'm not somebody built to do so much at once, so that ever-present stress (which should clear up around late january - ignoring what may come from law school) has sort of pushed me away from all the things i used to love #HAHA!!! for a long time. pretty much everybody i know can attest to the fact i've become a shit replier, i don't even see messages for days and then i forget to reply once i do. it's very annoying and inconveniencing, and i apologize! i can't promise it'll get better quite yet, but that's a bit of explanation there. i used to be somebody who'd be around almost 24/7 and i will get back to that eventually, but ... not yet.

that being said, i've experienced other Life Things that sort of has me crawling back to things that make me happy, if only so i don't become hopelessly lost in responsibilities and pressure and stress. ironically enough, it was sharing my original manuscript with my mother of all people (adding on to if anybody knows the first thing about me or remembers when my life blew up 2 years ago) and getting to bond with her over that after pretty much being no contact for 2 years that had me remembering how important writing is for me, but not even necessarily for my own personal gain. financially, i mean. of course, publishing is a life goal, and everybody told me to pursue law so that i could eventually fund my own writing career (ngl this is what got me), but i loved sharing it. i deleted the fic a little over a year ago as of now, i think? and i feel like i've been floundering not necessarily without It, but without having something to do every week, people to talk to, reactions to read; just generally something to keep me tied to some vague sense of passing time. there was a time in my life where it was either wednesday or it wasn't x6, and some people may say that's a crazy way to live, but it got me through my awful college years with success and a smile on my face, so idrgaf. i do actually really miss the fic. i miss the whole universe, i miss the community (undoubtedly smaller, understandably), and i miss the ease it used to bring because i was just genuinely doing what i loved.

i can't even remember what i said in my other ask reply that addressed this fic, something in response to "fuck that ginger cunt," but i will say that i have revisited the fic. i have a very, very, very complicated relationship with guns n' roses as an entity and, moreover, axl and his entire existence. for obvious reasons. he fucking sucks. legitimately one of the most awful excuses of a man i've ever met (or...been waved to by?) and likely should be buried beneath a jail somewhere. i will happily wield the shovel!! that being said. actually, that's all i have to say on it. everything else is a gray area where they still stand as a band that has gotten me through every day of my life since i was 17 and where axl still stands as so much for me, principally the reason i started writing and still do to this day because nothing else can top that thrill. the fic, honestly speaking, isn't even about the band for me. i could not care less about the band, i don't think i could host a fan page if i tried, beyond reblogging pics and giving my music opinions (while we're on the topic: 1986 sound city sessions reckless life is far superior to the gnr lies version), but i really don't even remember a time where the fic was even about the band rather than some place for me to sketch out a story with roughly-drawn templates of members from my favorite band. i don't think it existed as a band fic since the first half of rocket queen, and i think people could see by the story's direction that it wasn't really about "oooo guns and roses, the most dangerous band in the Wooooorld" so much as it was my two female main characters and the matching set of He's There that were sometimes involved in the adventures. i still have that passion for all of them, i have rewritten the first 23 chapters of rocket queen and that will continue to go up whenever i find a scrap of free time because nothing relaxes me like writing or just gets me to generally calm down and forget the fact i haven't felt at peace in so long 😄

so there is a major question of if i could post it again. and i still don't know. it's tricky. there's a lot of material in there that i don't think people took the time to understand, even worse now that i approach it from a MUCH more mature standpoint (in retrospect, i had no business writing so many of those things at 18, i had no clue what i was talking about or even implying with some of those themes and scenes), and there's a lot of stuff based on or semi-based on real events (trauma) while other real information (how much of a literal threat to humanity these men, particularly axl (but i will never discount any of them) were) is excluded because . . . i don't like torturing women? i could potentially return just as a way to give myself something to do under the guise where i do it with a lot more anonymity, aka not giving people as much of a direct target to verbally/electronically abuse me over fake things, tightening how i respond to things or let people think they have a say in things, and just outright refusing to engage with other matters; let it speak for itself and be ready to pull it again the second people take it too far or clearly can't handle with maturity and respect something that's marked mature, plastered in content warnings, and thoroughly tagged/addressed at every twist and turn, because at the end of the day--because i was barely a concept when all of these events were happening--it's all fictional. "based on" anything or not, it's fake. i have nothing but secondhand, thirdhand, or no-hand information abound. everybody lies, everybody forgets things, and everybody remembers it differently, and that's just that. i always will have creative license to do whatever the fuck i want regardless of what some 'insert member' stan with their panties in a twist thinks. it said so much to me that nobody ever criticized me for writing about a deeply problematic band and just about the fact that i had women characters that made vaguely unlikable decisions.

so, i don't know. i have things to think about. i am vaguely aware of the fact i may be depressed, so i would like to have a reason to smile again while i trudge from day to day doing boring things. i am also aware of the fact that i can't just write this fic and not share it with people. i have loose lips in written form and i really don't know what else to do with it. only so much gratification comes from looking at it myself. i ALSO know i said i was going to leave this behind forever, and also that i probably should, but i am a: liar. i fucking love guns n' roses.

thanks for listening to my ramble. completely understandable if you never send me an ask again. much love 💗

[arleniansdoodles]

Okay so something occurred to me while reading the newest tPtW chapter - which was fantastic as usual, by the way - and it has to do with Mu. If talismans can kinda-sorta sense feelings/motives in the people that come into contact with them, does that mean that Mu could sense the acupuncturist's bad intentions when he was contaminating the tea leaves a few chapters ago? I know I'm going out on a limb here (haha), because I'm assuming a lot of things in order to make this connection - that the tea leaves were grown by Fajar, that Mu can sense anyone coming into contact with the plants and not just Yin, etc., but I thought I'd ask. Idk if this makes any sense, I'm very tired but I wanted to get this sent out lol. Loved the chapter as always!

Happy you enjoyed this chapter! I hope it made up for the previous chapter's angst lololl XDD

Ohh that's a pretty good question! Your connection makes total sense to me, and I'll be honest that it completely slipped my mind during the rewrite 😂 But I can think of a few reasons why Mu might not have sensed the acupuncturist's actions/intentions: Fajar never came into contact with that particular acupuncturist (since he likes to keep to himself); or the tea leaves were from a supply that Fajar didn't personally work with; or Fajar was busy using the talisman elsewhere at the time (so Mu's "attention" was occupied).

I'd also say that Fajar was mostly keeping the talisman's powers within the greenhouse, and with the distance between the Herbal Clinic and Yang's building being what it is, Mu probably wouldn't have been able to get a clear "view" of what the acupuncturist was doing, if that makes any sense 🤔

Now, if I'd actually thought about all this during the rewrite, I would've either included one of these explanations for Mu's blind spot, OR I would've used something like your idea and Mu would be blaring an alarm in Fajar's ears (thus Fajar would've had his part to play in warning Yang about a potential poisoning, or something like that XDD)

Thank you for the ask!! Sorry that this got a bit rambly of me loll But gosh, now I wish I'd thought about this before posting the recent chapters hahaa alkdnlskdfnd 😂😭

[meimi-haneoka]

I honestly have so many feelings after reading the latest chapter. The characters have all grown so much, and they've really been showing their maturity and growth in handling situations (cough Kaito finally came to his senses) Especially Sakura, who I've grown up with in a way too! From the original series till now, finding it really lovely how she can be genuinely happy for Akiho and Kaito, and their decision to travel (comparing to how she reacted when both Eriol and Syaoran were moving away at the end of the salira card arc) and Kaito. Dear Kaito. He finally came to his senses and apologised. Really glad there was no translation errors for the apology, or I would have been MAD. Haha. Anyway, thank you again for the translation post! After reading it and the latest chapter I had a couple questions.

1. What's the price yukito paid? I dont recall it ever being discussed. He mentioned that it was a secret to Sakura and that's that.

2. In chap 42, (parents day) when Syaoran and Kaito fought, Kaito mentioned something about the future that was divined coming to pass. Did we ever get an explanation for that line?

I think overall they tied up the story so well. It's a very sweet ending for them, but definitely a little sad that they decided to travel (though I understand their reasons) I hope that the extra chaper(?) They show us snippets their new life :)

Side note: I was looking back at the clear cards, and realized that the "dreaming card" is actually named "yumemi" as you mentioned in one of your translation posts. And the MCF eventually turned out to be Lillie!! A powerful yumemi. I like how they added this little detail to uncover!!

Hiii, so glad to receive your ask!!! I'm glad to see you've read the final chapter and were quite satisfied with it! I also really enjoyed observing Sakura's growth along the way, it was amazing. When you're in the middle of it, it feels like she's stuck, she's manipulated by everyone (not only Kaito) because everyone is hiding things from her, but most importantly, she doesn't look like she's really trusting her magic capabilities in the beginning and she's quite "lukewarm" about all of it.

And that was exactly the point.

I will have the opportunity to explore this better in one of my posts because I feel like it's a very important matter that needs to be addressed, but I can already say here that the gradual shift from "maybe it's better to not use the key at all" to "I have dreams, I have strange feelings but it's surely all in my head" to "I will try to follow Syaoran's advice and listen to my intuition more" to "I believe in my power and I will decide what to do now" was really amazing to witness. I feel like it's possible to see it more clearly if you re-read the story all at once. Also, Akiho and Kaito's story was absolutely *pivotal* to her emotional growth too, because someone like her, grown up in the blessing of a loving family and surrounded by kind people, touched for the first time what it means to grow up NOT having those things. Her empathy was the absolute protagonist, in this arc, which made her befriend Akiho almost immediately, as if she could feel that the girl needed friendship desperately. But it's also what made her understand the situation and try all of her best efforts to bring Kaito back for her and make both of them happy. She did also a good job at being more assertive with her loved ones, deciding what to do by herself.

Let's go answering to your questions!

1- Hahaha, EVERYONE is asking about that! No, it wasn't revealed! Either they want to keep this as a fun secret forever, or.....it'll be revealed somewhere else! To be honest, I don't even know if Yukito still got that pact with the Tsukimine Shrine. They absolutely remember about it, but since Kaito had undone that with the rewriting of the world (and Sakura gave her friends only their memories back, she couldn't do much about the discrepancies arised - see Akiho's room) my suspicion is that he's back being his normal self, with no actual contract and no price paid.

2- Not exactly, I think this is one of those things we have to infer by ourselves. Also keep in mind that, if I don't recall incorrectly, that phrasing was from the ENG translation. What I understood from the JP is that Yelan simply had a divination about Sakura, and you know how abstract and vague divinations can be....I choose to believe she only saw that Sakura would be distressed/unhappy by a loss of control over her powers (which is indeed the primary reason why Syaoran did what he did, along with Eriol, he didn't know anything about Kaito coming) and not something more specific. Yeah, I have the same feelings as you, about the YunaAki side of the finale! I really, really hope to see them again somewhere else....And I want to see their new life in the extra chapter, yes!! T_T

Yep, well noted! 😉 the Dreaming Card *really* represented Lilie and not Akiho like Sakura had guessed, the "Yumemi" Japanese name sets it in stone! 😉😆

[thebreakfastgenie]

The era that FOB is writing about has a pretty clear and obvious cut off — you have to skip a few of the important precursors and it means it doesn’t follow on from WDSTF as neatly but. Well. 2001 is a very clear demarcation point in US history for a number of reasons, 9/11 being one of the most stark (but also the simple fact that 2001 nearly marks the beginning of the new millennium; and yes I am one of those people who believes the millennium starts at 001 not 000.) To my knowledge, one of the defining features of the millenial generation is whether you were in school during 2001.

But if they had done that we would have lost 12 years from the end of 1989 to 2001, not to mention some of those precursor events I alluded to that happened in the 90s that feel more at home in discussions about the post-2001 era than in the pre-1989 era. So I suppose that’s why they picked up exactly where Joel left off — but it leads to considerable inelegance.

And apologies yes I did misunderstand what you meant; I thought you were asking a similar question with extremely different connotations. With that in mind no there is no good comparison.

The thing I think is important to consider here is that the other comments you have criticised about an “updated” version of WDSTF are not relevant to this particular cover. Your criticisms are correct and valid but that is not what FOB were trying to do here. But to be clear I am not saying that because I think it excuses FOB from criticism — I think it simply invites a different kind of criticism.

But to answer your question of why use WDSTF if the goal was to achieve something very different: I think it’s because WDSTF is a cultural touchstone. So in a way I think what FOB might be doing is saying, well, this is a song about the things that have happened in your lifetime, the culturally important ones and the ones you remember, and it’s about how every generation is ultimately carried along by the tide of history. (Note: apologies if you feel I have mischaracterised the song here.) And then by doing their non-chronological cover, they are saying; this feels true for us too; but now society feels separated from the chronology of these events. When did this happen? Did this happen first or that? Who can tell because it’s all being discussed like it’s all happening at once. Sandy Hook happens and it means we talk about Columbine again. And so on.

The reason why they would do that and not write their own song is — well, to be generous towards them; to use the cultural understanding of WDSTF as a jumping off point so they don’t have to as heavily lay the groundwork for the themes of their rewrite. The uncharitable version is marketing, to get the $$$ from “hey look, we did our own version of WDSTF”.

I appreciate that you actually provided a reasoning here! It does make some sense. I think 12 years is an awful big chunk of time for "precursors," though, so that inelegance is a significant black mark for me.

I guess I do feel a bit like the end result of all those "haha we need a new WDSTF" memes I dislike (I grumpily replied to many of them) is a famous band deciding to actually do it and that's what this is which does predispose me to dislike it.

It would be interesting to see if Fall Out Boy actually supplies this or any other reasoning for their choices, because while I think that's a good explanation for why they might have ditched the the chronology, I don't think that message was clear from the song itself. I'm also assuming they kept the chorus and I'm not sure "when did this happen?" fits well with the sort of "everything happens in cycles" vibe of "it was always burning since the world's been turning."

I appreciate the perspective that they were trying to do something but I still don't like what they did.

[justyoursicanon]

Can I request for Scout (TF2) with S/O who’s AFAB, however when in private they don’t mind if he uses he/him pronouns? :] I’ve been called Daniel before and honestly I wouldn’t mind getting called “boyfriend” or boy nicknames in private haha. Guess like a demiboy of some sort?

Oke dokie anon! I must say I wasn't expecting this type of specific request but am excited (and nervous) to give this a try!

I hope I wrote this correctly and please inform me if I have written something wrong or need to rewrite something! And I also hope you don't mind if I used she/her pronouns in the beginning due to having no idea what specific pronouns to use so I went with she/her since its AFAB :]

Also! Very big thank you to @callmegkiddo for a short and understandable AFAB explanation that they explained to me cuz if they didn't this would have taken a wee bit longer heh-

You may start reading! ^^

Scout had always adored his amazing super cool and beautiful girlfriend I mean who wouldn't like someone as amazing as Y/N? She was hella wicked! Not only was she smart, she was strong too! Physically and emotionally! She was so kind, so caring-

"Scout? Scout!" Scout snapped out of his thoughts, shaking his head as he turns his attention back to the situation at hand. He cluelessly looks around the table, playing cards in hand. "Aye lad, its your turn!" Demo calls out, taking another sip of his drink as he rearranges his cards in his own hand. Engineer chuckled as Scout messily looked between his cards. "Day dreaming about your gal again huh son?" "Course Hardhat! She's just amazing! How could I not?" Engineer chuckles again as he places his card after Scout.

"And if am so amazing, how about you help this amazing gal clean up the messy dining table so I can cook dinner?" A voice, a very soft and familiar voice spoke up from behind them. Scout perks up and quickly turns, dropping his cards as he smiles. Walking up to Y/N. "Hey there babe! Glad your back!" Y/N chuckles and presses a kiss to Scout's cheek. "Happy to see you too Jer. You guys don't mind if I steal Scout for a moment yea?" "Take him all ya want lass" Demo slurs out and Y/N chuckles again, dragging Scout to the kitchen.

Later on, as Scout quickly but carefully dries the plates for dinner. Y/N turns from the sink to sigh and fidgets with her fingers. "Jer? Can I uhm talk to you about something?" Scout looks up, giving his girlfriend a smile as he places the 2nd to last plate on the table and drags the towel over his shoulder. "What's up babe? This good talk or bad talk?" "Erm.. Let's say uh.. name talk? pronoun talk?" Scout definitely didn't expect that, but he didn't question it.

"Sure! Whaddya need to talk about?"

"It's about.. My pronouns.. and like kinda me overall..?" Scout hums, nodding as he talks a seat on a chair, leaning on it as he faces Y/N and continues to patiently listen. "Do.. You mind if you use.. like he/him pronouns to me? Or calling me your boyfriend?.. In private! I still wanna be referred as a girl but I just haven't really considered like.. Using it all the time. But, I feel comfortable using it with you.."

Scout smiles softly, standing up to place his grip taped hands on Y/N's cheek.

"Am fuckin happy your comfortable with me babe, and of course I'll use these guy pronouns for ya if ya want. And I swear to use them in private or when ya say so. Scout's honor!" Y/N chuckles and smiles. "Thanks Jer.."

They both talked a bit more about the sudden but comfortable change, before they started to work on dinner. Laughing and messing around as they did so.

[garrothromeave]

let’s talk about minecraft diaries rebirth.

and why it’s literally amazing. (warning: this will contain spoilers. lots of them. also, long post ahead.)

i think a lot of people hate mcdr because they were expecting a remake; but the point of rebirth is for jess to rewrite it. it wasn't supposed to be exactly the same.

honestly i went into mcdr with a closed mind. as an og mcd fan, i thought that this was going to suck ass and that i'd rant about how bad it was to my friends later. but actually watching it, i just... couldn't help but immediately fall in love with it.

ik im probably the only motherfucker that likes mcdr, but honestly how could i not? for one, garroth and zenix actually have personalities at the beginning. AND; the villagers? actually amazing. donna made me smile, visher made me laugh and cry, brendan was just bein as good as ever. like... i even didn't despise emmalyn with every ounce of my soul like i usually do?? the characterizations of them were GOOD, man.

and honestly, aphmau like--the way she spoke, her whole thing. it was reallyyy well done in my opinion. she was oblivious to things, but it wasn't overdone and wasn't done in a way to make her annoying. she's a very appealing character in mcdr, a main protagonist i do not mind following along with. her dynamics to the characters are really cool and all very unique.  gonna cut it here so i don’t clog y’all’s feed cuz i got a lot to say :)

the early use of aphmau’s powers was actually pretty cool as well, it also really showed how clueless aphmau really was to everything going on around her. AND UH, THE FACT THAT SHE THOUGHT THAT GARROTH FELT FAMILIAR? GOLDEN. absolutely golden.

AND GENE OH BOY, the early introduction of gene? ik a lot of people are upset about it, but god DAMN i love it so much. his role in the story is very important in original, and i cannot express how much joy this brought me learning that he was actually getting the proper attention for it. and the fact that gene and aphmau were working together?? i mean ik gene was just trying to use her to get back to the "shadow abyss" (pretty pog replacement for the nether, gg) but god DAMN i loved every moment of it. i found their dynamic to be pretty fuckin funny to be honest, would absolutely love to see more of it.

i might be biased considering gene is one of my absolute favorite characters, but i honestly think that introducing gene this early on in the story was a good move. again, he's literally the right-hand man to the shadow lord. it makes you really wonder why he didn't have as much of an important role in season 1 or even 2 of the original mcd plotline. also, we get some of that good-ol-fashioned exposition with seeing early on how vylad and gene interact. vylad’s at a very strange point in the story right now; his motives are unclear, even to the side he’s ‘supposed’ to be taking (aka, a shadow knight.)  another early introduction to a character is zane! this, my friends, is good. really good. i’d say that zane is the main antagonist of season 1 in the original series--and he wasn’t even introduced until like, episode 50. it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but him being introduced this early on really gives the audience a better understanding of what threats are out there and what our protagonist will have to encounter in the future. in the original series, there’s not much explanation as to why lords are disappearing/dying left and right--and while yes, that was supposed to be the mystery of it, having some of that early information is a better move in terms of writing. 

AND IVAN?? BEING A PART OF THE JURY OF NINE?? I COULD NOT HAVE ASKED FOR ANYTHING MORE LIKE GOD DAMN that was a very pleasant surprise i'll just say that, thank you jess :)

and no i did not loop the 4 minutes of screentime laurance got in that one episode haha who would do that i would never do that anyways

SPEAKING of laurance, im so glad jess actually wrote him in this early :) she totally could have just waited for the first time aphmau visits meteli and meets him there, but no! she put him in an early episode. i dont even care if she did it just to shut up the fans about laurance but man that made me so happy seeing him, even if it was only for a bit.

okay i kinda wanna go over the guards real fast firstly; garroth. ignoring how weird the helmet showing emotions is, i really like how garroth is portrayed. he's under a lot of pressure because the village is putting a lot of the blame on him for malik's death, and he's trying his hardest to keep things running. the fact that garroth utterly refused the to take up the position of lord and even got a little snappy about it was actually really cool to see as well. and while he doesn’t have that same “reserved, quiet, observant” feel as the original mcd version of him had, this version of garroth is absolutely awesome. he’s more direct and blunt, is significantly more sarcastic, and isn’t as stiff or as much as a pushover as he is in the original. he even has a sense of humour. also, no homo, but he’s kinda adorable.  plus, the desperation that he goes through during the whole thing is just--it’s really cool to see how hard he’s trying to prove himself and help the village. my rating for mcdr garroth? 9/10. the helmet... the helmet is the main thing throwin me off, i can’t lie. next, zenix. oh BOY do i have a lot to say about this man. first of all, his and garroth’s dynamic is incredible. when i saw how the interacted with each other, my first thought was: father and son. zenix has this immaturity to him that is so fucking fun and interesting to watch, and seeing how garroth scolds him is so fuckin good man. and! seeing how he interacts with the rest of the village... honestly, if jess ever picks this story up again, i would probably cry when zenix (literally) backstabs garroth. HELL, i hope that’s something that still happens, it’d be heartbreaking to witness this character that we’ve come to love hurting his mentor, the man who took him in. he’s just a really good character all in all, and much more appealing than the original mcd zenix. ...except season 3 zenix. no zenix can be better than that one.  either way, zenix is amazing written to be the comic relief and he’s just an all-out lovable character in this series.  finally, dale and brian. yes i’m going to group them up because there’s not much to say regarding them, but i do want to address them. for starters, we have brian; who’s already 16 when the story starts. good on jess for doing that, because in the original aphmau watched brian be born and age INCREDIBLY quick, haha. THOUGH i do feel like there’s a slight connection lost there--one of the hardest things about brian’s betrayal in the original series in the fact that we watched him grow up in phoenix drop. we were there from the moment he was born, to the second he betrayed phoenix drop. BUT OF COURSE, this version is a lot more realistic, so it’s understandable. i just think that if it’s brian who’ll be betraying phoenix drop again (if it even goes down that same route), it won’t hit as hard unless jess really takes the time to grow the connection between brian and aphmau.  as for dale; gotta admit, love it. and like, i think one of the main things about how good of a call it was to make him a drunkard from the beginning is considering how much the village is struggling. the fact that the second-in-command is literally drunk all of the time really conveys the message of, “yeah. this village needs help.” plus, he’s another good comic relief character. i loved seeing molly and dale’s relationship too, it was very funny.  PLUS. we were blessed with a well scene, in which aphmau had to help villagers out of the well. i don’t know about you guys, but that was one of my favorite nods to the original series. i cannot thank jess enough for that, there was a smile on my face the entire time. another amazing thing--visher’s character. instead of just being introduced to this quirky lil merchant who only had one or two interactions with aphmau like in the first one, we got to sit there and really get a feel for someone worth remembering and worth mourning over. we had a reason to be sad over his death, it wasn’t just some npc getting blown up suddenly. this was different, and this hurt.  one of the major things that i hope is to come out of this is for jess to fix the major mistakes she had when writing the first series. she’d expressed how unhappy she was with some of the decisions she made, and i’m glad that she’s getting that second chance to undo the things she didn’t like. this series also gives her a second chance to really, really dig into characters and their motives. like, gimme laurance backstory in better detail. or like, garroth and zane’s relationship from back when they were kids? or how vylad died and who killed him? etc etc. she’s already done an excellent job so far, and i can’t wait to see where this goes. that is, if she ever continues it. god, i wish there were more episodes so that i could seriously let you guys know how beautiful of a series this is. there’s so much i want to say about rebirth, but i think i’ll stop here. i might say some more shit about it later, but if there’s anything i’d want you to take away from this, it’s: give minecraft diaries rebirth a chance. there’s a lot of potential, and this is a chance for jess to really change things for the better! ... but again, that is if this ever is continued. 

[ladylynse]

Hello 👋🏻👋🏻 I saw your post about being just busy and that's alright. Good to know that you are doing well, I'm doing well too. I just had a birthday (last thursday --17th-- if curious) and had a great time :) :) Well, good luck catching up with ML. And yeah, indeed those episodes are good. I won't say anything because I know you are following that and I don't like to spoil anything, good for you to block most of ML until you catch up. Aaaaaaaaaah, that what you mean with "engine search". Haven't try that trick with google yet, I may do it later on. Thanks for the tip. :) :) Haha XD XD I can only image how not terrible successful one can be. But to be fair, I think that anyone with a good general explanation of 'x show' could get you an idea to help you out specially if they do have some knowledge as well. And well, that made me feel better, so thanks. But seriously, I sometimes think that me noticing stuff is '0 to the left'... and I don't think that's a English phrase at all. ^^; ^^; (It makes more sense in Spanish). In simple, I got nothing when it comes to changes... at least if someone point out the obvious, I'd probably don't know at all. But also I do believe that improvement would be really noticiable after years, at least for me. And that without counting that everyone does improved bit by bit or a lot in once, all depends on the person. And those who does improve "all in once" are probably once every millions or they are actually back after very very long time. Oh god, no, rewriting something sounds as painful as it could be. I once had the idea of rewriting a very old fic, but never happened, never is going to happen, sorry not sorry. And also, so what if that doesn't match canon as much as they want? Don't people know about the fiction part of all this? I mean, most of the fanfiction writting there is already based on a fiction story, you know. So if we do it extra fiction, what's the problem? I know, and I can get some of those who comment like that, but they should also noticed when was created, I mean if the story was original created before that act, then why bother, you know? So, yeah, I get your point of just leaving those stories because some comments like that. If they want a story like that, they could try doing it themselves. I want to see their faces when they try and fail 😈😈(I'm being way too immature right now XD XD). Because if they do and do it right, then good for them 👍🏻👍🏻 (I would probably also read that too 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️). Ohhhhhhhh, no yet. I just re read it, find my old notes that didn't have the ending or anything else after chapter 1, "cry" about it and then kind of force myself into writting down all ideas that came after re reading and check what I had. Then I realised that I may have a way to finish that as finally doing it. I kind of have the line out of the last chapter to say. And my real life friend who introduce me into fandom and all the therms and read that, said the same :) :) So, yes, I got the hope that it would get some attention back, I supposed and well, someone would read and be happy that I'm giving it an ending. That's what I'm up to in relation to that.

Ahhhhh, yeah that could explain that. I mean it could be also the fact that there are shows that don't get translate and so on don't got international, you know? (I lived 20 years in an Spanish speakers only country, so that's that too). And yes, of course, I got you; if a show isn't popular, doesn't help either and probably got cancel alone the line as everything else that doesn't reach what they expected.

Oh my... yeah, those crossover sounds crazy XD XD. But I mean, at least you are like hey, this could work here, you know? you aren't try to force it just for the sake of it. (Also the Blink episode is amazing, any episode with weeping angels are good in my opinion. Also Donna thinking that the Doctor is crazy is true and not a new either is Martha wishing him being direct for once).

Oh, I must lost a screw long long ago when deciding that I wanted to write in both languages. To be fair enough, it's mostly because, fic readers are more liking to read something in English than their own language, that and I guess depends where you publish those, I guess. (Also, Thank you 🥺🥺🥰🥰). Oh goodness me, YES, that's right. I won't mind a crack fic once in a while, long while if I'm in the mood but seriously, sometimes those are just plain ridiculous, completely ridiculous. And those aren't worth my time if I'm honest. Of course, everything depends on the person and what they like. Mmmm... yeah, that's fair enough. No, I'm not that into crossovers, but you are right, if those are good written then those are worth a try to read. That's how and why I had read some crossovers in the past. The crossover in my opinion has to have a good based for it, it shouldn't just be a mix of everything just for the sake of it, that's not fun to read, you know? Sorry that I went with the very long question again. Don't apologise for rambling because I can get all over the place giving the opportunity. Sorry again for that... Anyway, take care, until next time (I'm starting to wish not being this shy and just reply with my user...)

-Le Fantôme anon

(re: this ask)

Happy belated birthday, Anon! I hope it was a wonderful one.

I have yet to watch the first half of the finale but watched the other two episodes I had missed, one of which I hadn't even realized had aired. Still probably gonna watch that finale sooner rather than later, though. I've quite enjoyed what I've seen so far.

I will admit I said 'search engine' solely because that's the generic term and I know some people have their preferences of which one to use, so the confusion is entirely my fault. Sorry! A couple other useful ones for google--in case you don't already know them--are quotes around an exact phrase (eg, "miraculous ladybug") and the dash for anything you want to exclude, (eg, "miraculous ladybug" -salt), like with AO3 searches if you do any reading on there. I will admit I am still far better with excel tricks than I am with google.

Very true! It's still fun to share, though. *grins*

I don't know an equivalent phrase off the top of my head, but I get the gist of it! And you're right; it's different for different people, and changing at a different pace just means you were at a different stage to begin with.

I doubt they looked at when I'd written that fic, but, yeah, once I have a story posted, I don't really want to do much to it beyond editing typos. I will admit it probably wouldn't take too much to update Masks, at least if I left in the things I guessed wrong that were major plot points and only changed the minor ones, but I severely lack the motivation to do that when I can be doing other stuff. (The rate at which I'm crossposting fics to AO3 from FFN is proof of that, since the editing takes time and it's hard to find the motivation to edit a fic almost no one is reading when I could be writing a new one. Ah, well, I'll get there eventually. Might even get to my first DP fic at some point.) But, yes, if someone wants to see something specific, I always try to encourage them to write it.... Usually I'm not terribly successful, though.

Exactly! No one's going to spend the time (money) translating (dubbing or subbing) a show unless they're confident they'll have the viewers.

Oh, yes, for sure, I always look for commonalities. That's where I start with crossovers. Some take more interpretation than others, and some are just handed to you on a silver platter.

You're not the only one I know to do it! I still think you're all terribly impressive, though.

I know exactly what you mean with crossovers, and the brilliant ones out there that people get just right are *chef's kiss*.

No worries about the ask length! And no judgement from me, Anon, when it comes to staying on anon vs replying with your username. If you ever decide to reveal yourself (however much time has passed because that doesn't really register with me), that's great! If not, that's fine! Go with whatever makes you comfortable.

[cordonian-literature]

wip wednesday :)

hi y’all so i wasn’t tagged (whoops broke the rules) and it’s still kinda early in the day but i wanted to make this post because i’ve been working on a few other fics and wanted to share :)

i’ve been finishing up Aftermath - the reason it’s taking me so long to post chapters is because i initially had a very sad ending planned. i weeped when i was rereading it because i’ve gotten emotionally attached to the characters (what a surprise) and am now rewriting a happier ending. i think there’s like... 3 chapters left (don’t quote me on that, i’m a mess and it could change, but its unlikely).

there’s also two other fic ideas that i had. the first one kinda throws canon out the window - but there are still some elements, like Bertrand and Savannah’s relationship (though it’s extremely altered), the assassination with Olivia’s parents, Godfrey & Barthelemy’s treason... it’s just changed, like Queen Eleanor’s story is different, Leo doesn’t abdicate, Liam and Drake never really became best friends, and MC (Klara/Claire Brooks) leads a double life, keeping both men (and families) away from each other

the second one throws TRH 3 in the trash (even though it already is kinda trash, haha). this would take place during the last chapter of TRH 2 and throw the whole vote stuff out the window - because the farther we go with that, the less it makes sense. basically, Auvernal kidnaps the heir, Barthelemy is involved in it, and Liam and MC (i’m keeping her as Riley Brooks for this one) along with the gang do everything they can to get her back (obviously why wouldn’t they). i thought it would be interesting putting a part of it in the heir’s point of view, since those were kinda funny in some of the recent chapters. nothing too dark or serious (i mean yeah the heir getting kidnapped is serious, but you know what i mean. besides that, there are no major trigger warnings)

both these fics will most likely flop, but i had fun with these ideas and wanted to share

so here we go

✦✧✦✧✦

The Aftermath - Chapter 32

When Bastien enters, his eyes widen as they rest on Boris. He gives Olivia a look.

“Drake,” she tells him, hoping that would be enough of an answer. Bastien frowns. Olivia didn’t know why Drake had done this either. The fool hadn’t given her any information as to what this man had done. Where was she even supposed to start?

Now she was really wishing she had called Jacob to give her a background check.

“So,” she begins, pacing in front of Boris. Bastien was at full attention, closely watching both of them. “What happened between you and Drake?”

Boris spits blood to the opposite side of the room. It drips down the wall. “Call the bastard in here. Tell him to explain.” His accent is thick and his voice is tried.

I probably should, she thinks to herself.

Bastien gives Olivia another look. She nods at him.

“Let us shift the conversation,” Bastien begins. “Can I ask how long you’ve known Lady Riley or her late husband?”

“How is that important?” Boris questions.

“Just curious.” Bastien’s voice remains level.

Boris sighs, then leans back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. “Potter. I met him in college. He introduced me to Riley-”

“I’m sorry,” Bastien interrupts him. “Who is ‘Potter’?”

“The lovely Theodore Blaise.” Boris lets out a rueful chuckle. “You have not seen him in person? The idiot looks like Harry Potter. Stupid glasses, stupid hair.”

“Alright,” Bastien stops him again. “Continue. When did he introduce you to Riley?”

“New York. That one year. I was visiting before I had to go to... Switzerland? Sweden? One of the two. It was lifetime ago. Can’t remember everything.” He pauses to look around the room. “She was... with your King. We saw her in the park. Theo wanted to see her. We waited for the king to leave her before he went up to her hotel.”

Olivia knew that he was talking about the last night Riley had been with the court. But Boris was drawing out the conversation. She didn’t like how slow Bastien was approaching this. Olivia wanted to draw a knife — she had a new one she was itching to use — and force the answers out of him.

✦✧✦✧✦

Until the End - Prologue

A/N: also i made a thing for this series. it’s not a moodboard. idk what its called. like a banner or whatever? i felt creative and made it. i’ll probably end up making a moodboard too. there are three parts of the series, each part has seven/eight chapters. anyway this looks kinda wack i might not even use it

As we near the stairs, Olivia Nevrakis chases after Maxwell Beaumont, who tumbles down the steps.

“Why are you running?!” Olivia cries after the boy, a long object in her hand.

“Because you have a stick!” he cries after almost tripping over his short, chubby legs.

“What am I gonna do, hit you with it?”

“YES?!” Maxwell screams, a confused and fearful tone in his voice.

As the two reach the bottom of the stairs, Liam emerges from another corridor, laughing after his friends. His hair is a whorl on his head, and his cheeks are flushed pink.

“Hello, Mother!” he says. My son hugs my waist, then reaches to hug his father, but Constantine has already walked on.

I take the boy’s hand and we follow after the King. Near the entrance of the palace stands a man in guard’s uniform, a woman in a denim dress, and two small children.

“Eleanor, Liam,” Constantine begins. “I would like for you two to be introduced to a new member of our security team. Jackson Walker, his wife Bianca, and their children, Drake and Savannah.”

“A pleasure, Your Majesties,” Jackson says as he and his wife bow respectfully. The little girl blinks up at me while Drake looks between Liam and I.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Liam!” My son holds out his hand to Drake.

Constantine audibly coughs. Liam’s hand falls to his side, and his smile falls as well. I knew that the differences in status would not allow Liam to interact with the boy so improperly, but they are just children. I didn’t think there was a reason for such excessive formality.

Bianca slightly nudges her son. In a monotone voice, Drake greets, “Nice to meet you, Prince Liam.”

Liam’s expression lifts. I send a smile in Bianca’s direction, and she hesitantly returns it. Jackson holds eye contact with me a moment longer, a wide grin stretching his face.

Constantine grabs our attention again. “Jackson, you will be primarily working on my wife’s security team. Now if you’ll excuse us, we are expected at dinner. My head of security, Bastien, will lead you through the rest of your orientation. After dinner, you’ll be able to speak to my wife and receive any orders she has for you.”

“Yes, Sire,” Jackson bows his head again, and Constantine leads us away.

Godfrey and his family, along with the Beaumonts, Olivia, and Leo are already seated. They all stand quickly as Constantine comes into the room, giving polite bows.  

The moment we sit, there’s a flurry of activity as the servants set our plates in front of us. Adelaide sips on her wine absently. Annabelle fusses over Maxwell, who has cookie crumbs on his fingers and face. Madeleine attempts to get Leo’s attention, but he laughs with Bertrand, the boys giving each other impish smiles. Olivia converses with Liam, taking on a gentle demeanor compared to how she behaved with Maxwell.

“Hostilities between Monterisso and Auvernal are increasing by the day,” I hear Godfrey mention to Constantine.

“The whole of Europe expects them to break out in war,” Barthelemy adds.

“Monterissian and Auvernese citizens anticipate some sort of peace treaty,” Godfrey continues. The men speak as if they are one unit, with one mind. “But other nations have already begun taking sides.”

“The King of Hidar is siding with Monterisso.” Barthelemy motions for a servant to bring him more wine. “But there are rumors that he is only doing so after receiving threats.”

“Most nations are waiting for Cordonia and Monaco for their decisions for who to ally with.”

When Barthelemy and Godfrey finish filling Constantine’s ears, they return to the food on their plates, staring down as if nothing else in the world concerned them. Constantine chews slowly, visibly considering their words.

“Monterisso has always kept a neutral face when it comes to Cordonian issues,” the King mentions. “They have never asked or hinted towards alliance. They are not many nations who ally with them at all.”

“So you must admit,” Barthelemy finishes chewing, “that allying with them instead of Auvernal makes a bad impression—”

“—and reduces the chance of alliances with other nations,” Godfrey finishes with him.

“How so?” I speak up. The three men turn their heads to look at me. No one else at the table pays attention to the conversation, but as their eyes burn in my direction — aggressive looks from the Dukes, while my husband raises an eyebrow at me — I want to take back my words.

But I do no such thing. After more than seven years of marriage, I had become accustomed to Godfrey and Barthelmey shutting down the advice I gave to my husband. This instance is no different.

✦✧✦✧✦

The Lion and the Heir - short series - Prologue

A/N: just as a heads up, i laughed while writing this. like i wrote this just for a good laugh and wanted to share. my friend sent me a writing prompt about a kid’s wild imagination and she thought it was funny and sent it to me (i sent her this same passage and we both laughed our heads off reading parts of it) so what i’m trying to say is that thinking this is terrible and cringe-worthy is understandable - i cringed at this myself and am very scared to post this lol, and might not even continue it. yes i made a moodboard thing. yes i laughed while making it. goodbye.

"Is everything well, Mommy?" I ask. Instead of answering me, again she attempts to silence me! I repeat my question, but this time the man tells me to silent myself.

Did they not know who they were speaking to? Perhaps I was interrupting something. Was there a lesson to be learned somewhere in this? I wish that Daddy were present at this meeting. Though most of his explanations were gibberish, he would at least attempt to make me understand.

The man walks towards me. He reaches his hands out to carry me, but I do not know this man! And he was quite stinky! I do not like him. I smack his hands away, and he takes a step back.

"With all due respect," I try to explain to him, "please introduce yourself before any forward actions. They are most unwelcoming. Your Princess does not appreciate this behavior."

He turns to my suspicious mother and says something in gibberish. I frown, for the language barrier does not mean that my subjects may disobey my wishes in such a manner!

Suspicious Mommy takes off the shield that was over her eyes. I find that it is NOT Mommy! Though they look similar, their differences are too contrasting. This woman's eyes were a tad sharper. She was too aware of me, and did not seem comfortable in my presence.

"Shhh sh shhh," she goes again, trying to pick me up, but I allow my short legs to fall from under me. My behind hits the mattress, and I feel my friend, General Lion, against my hand.

"Is everything well, Your Highness?" my trusty General says to me. "Is there anything I can do to be of service?"

"Dismiss this woman from my presence!" I command him.

"But... but that is Mommy!" he cries.

This woman was good in her disguise. She had fooled my trusted advisor!

"Believe me, General, it is not!" I tell him. "She has fooled us!"

"And she is trying to take you away?" he observes.

"Yes!" I am suddenly aware of what is happening. The woman begins to reach for me. "Quick!" I say, panic swelling in my chest. I had to do something about this, but all my heart is telling me to do is cry! I have to take more serious measures than that! "What am I to do?"

"Uh... uh..." General Lion looks around the crib, before he reaches out to me. "Take a hold of my paw!"

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

putting my Aftermath taglist because that’s the only one i have :) - y’all can see what’s happening in the next chapter & these other fics. if you’re interested in any (besides Aftermath) let me know! if you don’t interact or anything, i’ll leave you on the Aftermath taglist and won’t remove or add you anywhere :)

(also, people probably know this but just a gentle reminder, the only reason i don’t reply to comments is because this is a sideblog. i see them all though, so don’t worry. i just don’t want to confuse people by replying from my main blog or anything :) anyway let me stop trailing off)

@captain-kingliamsqueen​ @gkittylove99​ @lovablegranny​ @iam-the-kind-and-thoughtful​ @mom2000aggie​ @kingliam2019​ @queenrileyrose​ @shanzay44​ @cordonianroyalty​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @hopelessromanticmonie​ @twinkle-320​ @amandablink​ @texaskitten30​ @pens-girl-87​ @ladyangel70​ @sanchita012​ @cordonianprincess​ @cordonia-gothqueen​ @pink-diamond13​ @queenwalton​​ @yourmajesty09​ @alj4890​​ @choicesbutterfly​​​ 

^if anyone from this list wants to do the WIP Wednesday thing, feel free!!

[lumilasi]

I haven't read Reanimate, but I'm curious as to why you grew to hate the original take on it so much, to the point you chose to revamp it? What things did you change then? Most authors I know wouldn't necessarily bother doing such a big rewrite(?) So I'm also curious why you chose to go ahead anyway. I hope my questions aren't bothersome or anything, I'm just curious like said! Keep up the good work!

Ah, I guess it might be a bit unusual for somebody to re-write parts of a fic so much while not completely starting from scratch? Especially fic that is already some years old. (or maybe it does happen commonly, IDK honestly haha)

Well, the main reason why I chose to revamp the second half of the fic instead of maybe rewriting the whole thing, was because the first half was totally fine for me. It was just the league parts I disliked, and the same time I still really loved Reanimate's story as a whole, hence I ended up doing a partial revamp instead of full rewrite. (also I guess I had a lot of time in my hands at the time heh)

(Also that fic was my first ever on the fandom meaning it's nostalgic, and served as an origin story for my favorite bnha oc's, so I wanted to make sure I was happy with it)

But yeah, to go more into detail about why I disliked the league portrayal, as well as what I did with my character in the story (this is gonna be a long explanation so please bear with me lmao) ;

Tomura's portayal felt too much like being stuck in his first impression, when timing vise he should already have matured quite a bit

His interactions with the league, albeit kinda funny, also felt too OOC at this point. He was acting too childish for what I wanted/the point in time the fic takes place at

Basically I felt he was too much of a manchild when at this point in time he's already matured quite a bit in canon (and some more in the fic au given it's timed some years AFTER canonical timeline)

In Kain's case, I kinda got too stuck on his source of inspiration (a horror game villain) and made him too one-dimensional and creepy from what I really wanted to do. He's very stoic and cold yes, but not THAT level of psychotic.

I basically felt Kain needed more nuance and humanity, because including an oc in a fic was ALREADY kind of tricky, so I wanted to make absolutely sure I actually liked what I wrote with them, and that it's of good enough quality to not feel too jarring and out-of-place among the canonical characters. (of course how well I managed to do that is up to the reader)

Kain's original take didn't really work for how I wanted it to affect the civilian Tenko. He was too, well, monstrous/felt nonhuman even as a kid for what I really needed. I needed him to be somebody Tenko could kinda sympathize with/someone who could sympathize with Tenko. My original take kinda failed miserably at that OTL

To go back to Shigaraki, he was also being too harsh/mean to his friends. Basically everything about his portrayal lowkey sucked for me lmao

As for more detail about the changes...well there's too much to describe, but for Tomura and others the biggest change was with their interactions; Tomura is still jumpy and snarky, but less so. Also while his friends do goof around and tease him like in the original, they turn serious as soon as he leaves, discussing and mulling over why he's acting so strange. Tomura also has picked up on the fact he feels "off" in some way, and wonders why he's acting so freaked out all the time/seems to struggle to think straight. (the reason for this is part of the revised plot)

There are two significantly changed scenes in mind though that I could mention, as they have a big impact on the narrative in a way;

First one is the flashback Tenko has about his time kidnapped by Kain's dad. The moment where Kain ends up killing bunch of people working (unwillingly) for his father. In original version Kain kills them on purpose, because their terrified/traumatized thoughts were causing him mental strain. While this latter is still the case, in the new take on the scene Kain does it accidentally, as he loses control of his quirk. This change was highly important IMO, because it shows better why Tenko might've sympathized with him, and tried to convince Kain to come with him and All Might later when Tenko was being rescued. It also better establishes that Kain's not some inhuman evil/creepy horror villain, but more typical origin story for a BNHA villain. Basically what I originally wanted out of his character, but failed to do lmao

Second one is at the end, when the league are taking their leave. This deals more with the foreshadowing for Reclaimed, but basically in the original Tenko gives bad Dabs something to use potentially to take Kain down if he plots something. Given I completely changed my mind about his potential role in the follow-up story later, the new version of the scene has Tenko telling bad Dabs to consider if AFO really has his student's wellbeing in mind. (this will be relevant later in reclaimed as one of the things pushing Dabi to question Tomura about this, and eventually having an effect on Tomura as well, further helping him break free from AFO's mental influence)

Sooo...yeah. I know this is a long-winded explanation, but I couldn't really explain this in simpler terms as the reasoning was quite complicated in a way? I just felt like it could be better with just some minor tweaks, instead of needing to rewrite it completely, and it bothered me too much to not do anything about it lmao. I hope this did satisfy your curiosity about this whole deal and didn't confuse you too much!

(Side note: I probably won't bother doing anything like this with any other fic of mine ever again, the closest I could consider is Soul Duality, but the issue with that is I can't pinpoint exactly what my issue with it is. It just feels like something that has potential and good parts, but ended up kind of messy somehow.)

[glitxhwayventeen]

General FAQ

Are your asks/requests open?

Yeah. Sure why not I don’t mind. Ask away. Request away. Will I be able to do it all? I dont know yet. Will I try? Sure. I’m always up for a challenge

Where are you from?

I’m from the States but my family’s from Mexico.

How old are you?

I was born in 2000. We shall not specify anymore information on that at this time.

Is your name really Glitxh?

Haha. No. I wish. It’s a nickname my family members gave me when I was little because of my motor tics. At first, I absolutely hated it because it felt like people were making fun of me. But now, I love it because it feels like I’m taking control of the stigma around my tics honestly. I have another nickname that I’ll let people I like on here call me, but y’all gotta earn that shit.

What do you do for a living?

I work full time as a receptionist and I got to school full time to get my BSN. Needless to say your girl’s half dead most of the time

How often will you update?

I update as often as I can. I like writing, but please understand that my personal life is plagued with bad luck and medical/family emergencies constantly so it can get hard to write. I’ll usually write on here when something happens but please know if I’m offline, it’s for good reason.

What groups do you write for?

Right now, I’m starting with Seventeen because I had an idea to do a werewolf series for them. I’ll probably do the same for a few of the other groups I like. I’ll also write for SOME WayV members and SOME of NCT members. Sorry it’s just they have quite a few members younger than me and i dont know that shit’s just weird for me to write about ya know?

Who’s your bias?

Hmm. For Seventeen, it changes everyday to one of the three members (Jeonghan, Joshua, & Wonwoo) don’t ask me why. I have no explanation. I just know writing for them specifically is relatively easy for me and they make me happy. I’ve got a lot of future stories planned for them. For WayV, it’s Kun or Yangyang mostly.

What’s your current writing work about?

It’s a Werewolf AU about the Seventeen members finding a mate. It’s actually one of my favorite writing pieces I’ve ever done honestly. Especially Jeonghan’s, Mingyu’s, Wonwoo’s, Junhui’s, and Hansol’s. You’ll see why…

Your Position on WayV’s Current Situation?

Okay so here’s the deal: if you’ve read Junhui’s Werewolf AU Story, you’ll see that the WayV boys play the bad guys. I’m rewriting the chapter to not include a specific member (or at very least to include him as little as possible) out of respect for the other members. I’ll replace his roll with one of the other members when I have the ability to sit down and change it. Sorry if you don’t like it, but that’s my position and it’s my writing so🤷🏻‍♀️ plus I wasn’t gonna write for said member anyways as he wasn’t my bias and I never really even thought of writing for him.

Can We Ask Questions/Leave Comments?

Yeah sure of course! But if it’s rude, I will straight up block your ass/report you. I don’t care. I don’t have time for that type of negativity and shit. If you’re nice, even if it’s to say something about my writing, feel free to message or whatever. If you’re not, save your breath.

In what perspective do you write from?

Depends on the story. It’s mostly from a female first reader point of view. I do plan on changing that once I’m more comfortable with my writing when air switch my stories up. I also do plan on writing more stories for people who don’t have much reading material from their way of life as well, but you’ll know about that closer to time as I’ll probably do polls/ask questions for some feedback first.

(Updated 6/1/22)

[rogueninja]

Okay so we all know who your top ships are... who are your unpopular ships? Or obscure ships? What characters from what series do you think about often in either good or bad ways? Who is a character that you hate that others love? If you could rewrite a story or part of a book, what would it be and what would you do differently?

Ok I am digging through my brain right now bc if I’m not able to hyperfixate on something then I tend to forget I even liked it. Ok buckle in bc this is gonna be long af. YOU ASKED FOR THIS, REG.

I’m putting a readmore so as not to torture my followers lol

Thinking about Veronica Mars. About Veronica/Logan. Do they have a ship name?? But I love that show and i was THERE for them. They were kind of a surprise ship for me, in that when they got together I was like, wait, WHAT? Like I was totally caught off guard. But there first kiss is, like, sooo romantic to me haha. It’s my fave scene in the show. But Logan is suck a prick sometimes. And they break up like every five minutes. And every season Logan gets accused of murder which of course he ends up not being the murderer. And they get back together eventually and I’m like really? But deep down I am rooting for them lol. I really enjoyed the new season of Veronica Mars that came out last year, actually. The ending made me SO SAD THO.

I also used to watch Supergirl and I thought Kara and Mon-El were adorable. He was very Carswell Thorne-esque, RH, I *think* you would like him. I never watched past season 3(?) though, and he shoots off into space and I never caught up so a few months ago I actually googled what happens and [spoiler] he ends up marrying someone else in the future or something so I was like, ok I’m not investing any more time in this show lol. (Also I had to google Mon-El’s name just now bc i forgot which is a bad look BUT I WAS REALLY RIDE OR DIE FOR THEM FOR A WHILE lol). Also I loved Martian Manhunter in this show, he was my favorite character. But the CGI for him was awful, omg. He had practical makeup at first, they should have just stuck with that.

Speaking of Martian Manhunter, I also used to watch Young Justice and loved Miss Martian/Superboy. Am I basic??? lol oop. But I love basic love stories. Anyway, I thought they were super cute. In season 3 though they’re kind of on the rocks. I haven’t watched season 4. I also loved Artemis/Wally West, but of course that had to end tragically.

Also, let’s talk about Nightcrawler. Allow me to set the scene. Little Kat is 13 and just rediscovered the cartoon she saw a few times as a kid called X-Men: Evolution. And thus, a weird obsession with the German, blue demon boy began. I loved Kurt Wagner. In the cartoon he starts a relationship with Amanda Sefton and I thought they were a-dor-a-ble. She accepted him for who he was, and they had a really nice healthy relationship. A lot of ppl shipped him with Kitty too which i am honestly all for idec I JUST WANT THE BLUE BOI TO BE HAPPY.

Can we talk about A:TLA too??? Like, obviously Zutara, amiright? Power couple. Like, Kataang is.. fine, but its probably my least favorite part about the ending, haha. Also, consider: Tokka. Toph is bae and can get anyone she wants, and she clearly had kind of a crush on Sokka and I think they could have been awesome. It actually kills me that they never say who Lin and Suyin’s father is in LoK. I had a whole theory that it was that kid The Duke from Jet’s band based on like 2 scenes from the series. There’s a tumblr post I made about it somewhere in the ether lol.

I also just remembered Tahnorra (Tahno/Korra) from Legend of Korra. It’s hard for me to explain this one. It’s a weird combination of being hyperfixated on the first season of the show when it came out, and I think I stumbled upon some fic or something???? And I thought Tahno was hot or something??? And FUN FACT, he was voice by Rami Malek BEFORE HE WAS COOL. So like before Rami really got big I knew who he was. He also basically played the Avatar in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 and I thought that connection was hilarious. It was kind of a problematic crack pairing but there was one author in particular whom i follow to this day hoping she’ll update her Tahnorra fics…. *sigh*

Okay one last ship…. I used to be ride or die for Outlaw Queen in Once Upon a Time (aka Regina/Robin Hood). Like, before TLC, I had a personal tumblr renaissance for that ship alone. My only existing published fanfic is for that ship. Taylor Swift’s 1989 came out that year and I related every dang song to that ship. I loved Regina so much and I just wanted her to be happy. That show is a dumpster fire, though, and spat all over my hopes and dreams. *sigh*

Also, lightning round for obscure pairings I ship and/or never talk about:

Frank Castle/Karen Page (The Punisher) ok this one isnt that obscure but I never talk about it… but the pining, oh god the pining

Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth (GoT) THEIR 5 SECONDS TOGETHER ARE THE ONLY WORTHY PART OF SEASON 8. everything after that never happened

I already listed Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye (FMAB) as a top pairing previously but I feel the need to mention it again bc it was for real my OG OTP… LIKE U WANNA TALK ABOUT PINING…. *sobs*

Percy/Annabeth (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) This used to be my fave book series and i loved how their relationship developed over the course of the books

Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter) ok can we TALK ABOUT THIS??? They were both badass misfits and they were perfect for each other. But noooo JKR has to announce they marry some nobodies…. this is the only change the last movie did right

Midna/Link (Zelda: Twilight Princess) I honestly have no explanation for this lol

Qui-gon Jinn and Shmi (Star Wars) CAN U IMAGINE if anakin had a proper father figure and didnt have to abandon his mother to slavery

Obi-wan/Satine…. (Star Wars: The clone Wars) we know whats up

OK, to answer some of your other questions: character I hate that others love. HMMMM…….

This one seems too easy/obvious but Professor Snape? Like obviously there’s already a ton of discourse surrounding this but he was gross, mistreated his students for years, committed atrocities, couldn’t get over his high school crush, and we’re supposed to believe he’s a hero in the end and HARRY WOULD NAME HIS SON AFTER HIM….. uh no. “Always” is gross.

I’ve literally been wracking my brain for days and I can’t think of any more characters for this. OK I did some googling and I remembered some LOL.

Ross from friends…. I literally can’t stand him. He’s so entitled and just the worst. He tries to act like he’s the nice, sensitive guy, but really he is so full of himself. Joey on the other hand is portrayed as a womanizer but is actually super sweet and I love him

Archie from Riverdale… I have only seen the first 1.5 seasons ish but he is the worst…. we’re supposed to believe he’s some easygoing musically gifted football player but instead he manages to pull off being bland as heck and actually kind of a terrible garbage person

Nick from chilling adventures of Sabrina. I hate characters that are like hitting on the main character even though she has a bf and are like dark and broody and sexy blah blah blah…. I liked Harvey way better. I never finished season 2 tho

Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time? Idk she was fine she just got old after a while

If you could rewrite a story or part of a book, what would it be and what would you do differently?

HM. First, Harry would name his son Remus Rebeus Potter LOL. Ok but real talk there was a headcanon floating around forever ago that Harry should have become a professor at Hogwarts instead of an auror and I am 100% on board

Ok, ok….. what abouuuttt…… OK, is star wars when Han and Leia get together. I like them as a couple, but the entire first half of the movie Han is being such an ass. And when they kiss the first time, he’s being SOOO creepy. It’s like so quintessentially 80s romance. and HERE’S THE THING. They actually filmed (or maybe just wrote?) a version of that scene that WASNT CREEPY. And i’m like WHY DIDNT YOU USE THAT?!? So I like to pretend that’s the version that actually happened.

This part is way harder than the shipping portion. If I think of anything else i’l dm you. I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING THIS NOVEL LENGTH POST OF ME RAMBLING ABOUT MY FIXATIONS OVER THE LAST 10 YEARS. If anyone actually read this far, you deserve a cup of hot chocolate and a blanket

[panlight]

If you could rewrite one Cullen background to better match their personality/power, who would you chose and why?

I’d probably want to take a crack at re-working Jasper’s power, I think. SM … does not do a good job of explaining it, and as such fandom has wildly different views of what he can and cannot do with it. On one extreme there’s “he’s actually super self-controlled and it’s feeling everyone else’s bloodlust that makes him Bad at it” where he’s kind of overwhelmed all the time by other people’s… not even even strictly emotions in that sense because thirst isn’t an emotion? It’s a physical sensation, yeah? (But the shame or desperation or whatever that comes with thirst could be emotions. And if he’s that bothered by the thirsts of a half-dozen mature vegetarian vampires, how on earth was he a functional lieutenant for Maria surrounded by the thirsts of dozens of ravenous newborns??).  On the other there’s a Jasper who can manipulate people’s emotions in very specific ways, almost to the level of mind control–”Haha Jasper make X fall in love with Y!” or make someone so thirsty they’d slip up no matter how devoted a vegetarian they are. Personally, I didn’t see it as either of those scenarios, but SM gives us so little to work with here that I can’t blame anyone for interpreting it that way. Specifically re: background, she says it comes from being charismatic in his human life, always able to get people to see things his way.  That doesn’t seem all that related to the way his power actually turned out to me. If anything it reminds me more of traditional lore of vampires being able to compel people, or Jedi mind tricks, especially the part where SM makes it PHYSICAL, like literal endorphins and heart rate and all that. What’s that got to do with charisma? Heart rate, maybe–hearing a stirring speech or something could get the blood pumping. But literally messing with brain chemistry? That’s weird. I’m still like 90% convinced that originally SM only planned to make Bella immune to Edward’s power and later decided she’d be immune to All the Powers and then realized, oops, she’s already written Jasper’s power as working on her, so she had to ret-con his gift and make it physical. Because like, how the heck are literally changing the levels of endorphins or a heart beat even supposed to work on vampires who do not have a functioning circulatory system? It doesn’t make sense to me?So if we’re going the ‘charisma’ route, I’d probably write it more like the traditional vampire ‘hypnosis’ kind of power. He’s the most vampire-y one anyway. But it’s still mild–I like what Edward said “it’s a very subtle gift.’ There are people who are more swayed by charisma, hypnosis, or the power of suggestion than others. Jasper could probably rile up a room full of people as a whole, but there would be levels to which each individual person felt it based on their own susceptibility. I think it also should obviously be classified as a mental gift, and so shouldn’t work on Bella. Because you can’t adjust the heart rate on a vampire and Jasper can still mess with vamps, after all.  I think this is kind of the opposite of what you asked since I want to re-write the power to fit the explanation (whoops) but it’s what first came to mind! lol

[binnie-binnie-bambam]

where I’ve been...?

hey. I feel like I owe y’all an explanation as to where I’ve been for the last 3 months. but imma put it the whole big detailed story under the cut just in case y’all don’t care haha and coz I don’t wanna clog up people’s feed with my incessant rambling.

TL;DR: I’ve been through 3 months of mental hell and that took a big toll on everything, including my love of a lot of things, so I’ve been struggling but I’m gonna try to be on here more and I’m sorry for being away for so long and not saying anything about it. Thank you to everyone who has tagged me in things and sent me messages during this time, I have seen it, I promise, even if I haven’t been in the right headspace to respond, you have made this time even just a bit more bearable, and for that I thank you greatly.

so yeah, things have been rough to say the least. I want to explain what’s been going on because I’ve always been pretty open on here and I know a lot of other people struggle with the same things so I don’t feel so alone. basically, I’ve fallen into another awful depression. I’ve lost my passion and drive and desire, I’ve lost the ability to find joy in things, I have no interest in hardly anything at all, I’m just not...me...right now.

I mean, my whole summer was crazy busy because I was spending almost all of my time doing wedding prep for my best friend/cousin’s wedding so I really didn’t have much time for myself and if I did, I was too exhausted to do anything I wanted to do. that’s when my partial inactivity started. I also started to see a new psychiatrist over the summer and he started me on new meds around August. since August, over a span of ~5 months, I’ve been on and off 6+ new meds, being treated for severe anxiety, panic attacks that resurfaced after being free of them for over 4 years, severe depression, ADHD, and trying different things to see if I had bipolar, as well as having a heart condition, thyroid issues, and fibromyalgia all going haywire.

I was pretty much ok through September, aside from some not so fun side effects that got me on and off 3 new meds in that month alone. like my mood and motivation and everything was fine, we had the engagement party and bachelorette party at the beginning of the month, I got to spend a bunch of time with the guy I have a (stupid) crush on, I was busy, things were going pretty great, honestly. but October rolled around. the first half wasn’t so bad, we had a girls’ trip for a weekend sort of as a last hoorah before my best friend got hitched and that was a lot of fun and I’m super thankful I was able to go, especially since I originally thought I wasn’t going to be able to make it due to family circumstances.

and wedding prep continued on, until I was driving over to my aunt’s house for the last day of prep and things started to hit me. my aunt and I got really close this past year and this was the last time I was spending with her for a long time, like sure we see each other once in a while but I was going over there and going shopping with her and doing all sorts of stuff multiple times a week and I think I just got scared of the idea that I was facing a new normal all over again when my normal had already changed so drastically at the beginning of last year. and also the fact that my best friend was getting married and moving an hour away when she used to be 10 minutes away and I saw her all the time. like we had the rehearsal dinner the Sunday before the wedding and my oldest cousin made this speech (because she knew she’d be sobbing too much to actually make it at the wedding) and she talked about us three girls as kids growing up and all this stuff about my best friend and how perfect her fiance was for her and it was just all really sobering I guess?

and I spent a lot of nights that week writing and rewriting a letter to the couple and I definitely spent most of that time sobbing over everything and sometime that week my mood just plummeted. my dad got /really/ concerned because the change in me was /so/ drastic but there wasn’t much we could do with only a few days until the wedding so we just hoped for the best and waited till my appointment with my psychiatrist to figure out the next step. I ended up getting a migraine at the wedding (I know it was from stress and from being so upset) so I couldn’t have a good time like I wanted to and I knew I’d regret it and I definitely regret it but I can’t change anything now. I got to hug the bride and groom goodbye just as they were leaving and I’ve never struggled so hard trying not to cry, which I mean, my best friend was sooo close to becoming a sobbing mess hugging me too, and the groom, well he was a blubbering mess (he’s a very emotional dude, all three of us have sobbed watching movies together, we’re a sight lmao) so I didn’t feel too strange haha. but it was a really weird feeling and it was really hard to sleep at the hotel that night. we drove home in the rain the next morning and did absolutely nothing the entire day.

then the news hit about Woojin and I spent my Monday night quite literally sobbing myself to sleep. at that time, I was still pretty new to skz but it still hurt like hell and I know my depression warped the emotions out of proportion but it was still so incredibly painful. but nothing could prepare me for the news about Wonho. nothing. I was already so deep into my depression and that just, I still don’t even have words. something hasn’t hit me that hard in I don’t even know how long. I couldn’t even cry, it took me over 2 months to cry about it because it just hurt too much. I still can’t listen to any of their music, I can’t even see photos of them without bursting into tears, and I’m ashamed at myself for being so attached to something that I react this badly, but even more so, I’m upset with myself that I can’t support them when they need it most because it causes me so much physical and emotional pain I just can’t deal with it. I’m not giving up on them, god no, I know it probably sounds like I am, but I swear I’m not. I love them way too much for that. it’s not even possible to describe how much mx and Wonho mean to me, I’m not giving up on them, I’m just handling things in my own way at my own pace, I guess.

from then on, things just spiraled out of control. on and off more meds, more and more problems arose, I really felt like I could not keep my head above water. and on top of it, I had the 7th anniversary of my grandma’s death in early November and the 10th anniversary of my grandfather’s death in early December and to say the least, that did not have the best effect on my mental health. it’s been 3 months of pretty much hell. I genuinely have /no/ interest in things I used to do, none of my hobbies, everything, and I mean everything, is a chore. it’s still like this. but I’m trying to do more to fix it. I’m seeing my doctor next week and I just spent 6 weeks getting another med out of my system so hopefully when I see him, he’ll try something new and we’ll actually make progress instead of taking 2 steps forward and 8 steps back. I haven’t lost hope yet.

there’s been many, many times in these past few months where I’ve felt like I’ve already hit rock bottom and I’m just waiting for the final blow to finish me off. but, if I’m being completely honest, what’s kept me going has been my really close friends on here that have stuck with me this whole time and my love for kpop which thankfully, god thank you, hasn’t diminished whatsoever despite everything. I can confidently say, I wouldn’t still be here without my friends, you know who you are my loves. y’all keep my world turning and no matter how painful it can get sometimes, I wouldn’t have made it this far, I wouldn’t want to keep going, I wouldn’t owe my life to you guys, so thank you, more than words can express. I love you all to the moon and back. and then some.

so this has just been paragraphs upon paragraphs of me rambling so I really don’t know why you would’ve stayed and read the whole damn thing, but if you did, thank you, I feel a lot better getting things off my chest. and this isn’t to say I’m back completely, I can’t guarantee how active I’ll actually be, but I’ll do my best to spend some more time on here because I genuinely do miss this place and all the amazing people in it. I’m so sorry I’ve been gone so long, especially without any real explanation. I’m going to do my best to rediscover my love for things, I may have lost it for a time, but it’s not gone completely.

~

until next time, this has been “aly won’t shut up”. thank you and goodnight, I love y’all