#not a star cuz it’s really cloudy today

[whiteshipnightjar]

little lonely sparkle in the evening sky, who are you?

[quinnysnursery]

Awesome! Well I'm just gonna put it now cuz I CAN'T HOLD IT IN ANYMORE BSJSJDN

You wake up little but your caregiver (whoever you like I'm thinking Matt or Chris in this scenario tho) wakes up really sick. Like REALLY sick. In fact, you have to come out of little space and be big again to help them out. It takes a day or two but they feel much better soon with your help! But you can't help be agitated and emotional because you're constantly on the verge of going into headspace and you just need to be little! Your schedule was all messed up and the big you needs a break! Eventually the dam breaks and you burst into tears and the caregiver just hugs you close, shushing you and pressing kisses to your hair

"It's okay, baby, you can be little now.. thank you for helping dada when he was icky, I feel so much better now! It's okay, you can be my little baby, sweet one."

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk 🥹

-🎀

[🥤] in sickness & in health | chris sturniolo one-shot

paring : cg!chris sturniolo x gn!little!reader

summary : tbh just read the request cus i can't think of how to put it in other words

warning/extra tid-bits : surpressing regression, crying, i used y/n, i think thats all!!

word count : 1,153

divider credit : umm i found all the photos on pinterest :3 (stars from @saradika-graphics)

a/n : been in my inbox since june 4th i gotta post this for ari😭 (not proof read, i'm just a girl!)

It’s obvious to you as soon as you wake up that you’d be regressing today- a comfortable cloudy haze looming over your head was practically begging you to forget the stressors of adult life and slip into littlespace.

So, that’s exactly what you did! As you got ready for the day, you made sure to strategically pick out clothes that you knew little you would deem sensory friendly. After getting ready for the day, you bounded downstairs- in search of your loving caregiver, Chris.

That’s when your plans for the day were foiled. Just as you made it to the first floor of the house, your eyes instantly recognized the bundle of blankets on the couch to be your caregiver…that wasn’t like him. Sure, Chris wasn’t a morning person by any means but he always made sure to wake before you. 

“Chw’is?” You called out, it was evident in your voice that your headspace wasn’t far away. Chris peaked up from out of the blankets, nose raw and red from the amount of times he’d had to blow it. “G’morning…” Chris croaked, his throat aching with every syllable spoken. 

You stared at Chris blankly, he looked sick. Like- sad Victorian child sick. You blinked in surprise as Chris began a coughing fit, each cough sounding more painful than the last.

That almost instantly ripped the comfortable cloudy haze away from you, all the stressors of adult life coming back to you in an instant.

“Do you feel okay?” You asked, realizing that Chris needed you more than you needed regression right now. Chris gave you a look that asked “What do you think?”

“I’ll get started on some soup, you just sit there.” You comforted, moving to the kitchen and instantly searching the pantry for the canned soup that the triplets kept for cases just like this. You were a bit disappointed about the fact you wouldn’t be able to regress today, but hearing Chris begin another coughing fit from the living room was enough to keep you busy. 

You could wait to regress…hopefully.

The day continued on as expected, Chris had more coughing fits and went through five boxes of tissues whilst you sat right by his side promising him that it wasn’t a bother to take care of him- which was true! You honestly didn’t mind heating him up soup, finding new boxes of tissues or couch-rotting with your best friend.

Sure, you’d slipped up a couple times by letting your mind wander to what you two could’ve been doing had your plans for regressing not been foiled but it was fine. You were fine.

“M’ gonna head to bed.” Chris grumbled, exhausted despite the fact he spent the day taking couch naps. You look up from your phone, nodding quickly- a twinge of sadness in your heart. One of your favorite parts of regression was your bedtime routine with Chris.

“G’night.” He mumbled out before stumbling upstairs- blanket around his shoulders. When Chris was finally upstairs, you stretched out on the couch- flicking on the television. You flipped through a few streaming services before winding up on Disney+, your eyes immediately trailing to the latest episode of your favorite show.

You hovered over it with the remote, a white highlight glowing around the show’s icon. 

No. You couldn’t. You knew the second you heard the theme song- your headspace that had been taunting you all day would instantly come crashing down. You clicked off the TV, flipping over on the couch and deciding to sleep there for the night instead- afraid that you’d regress if you got to cuddle next to your caregiver.

Three days had passed before Chris was able to swallow without any pain and breath freely. He was still exhausted, but he was getting better. In those two days, you’d done everything in your power to not regress. 

You’d been sleeping on the couch or in Matt and Nick’s room so as to not regress during nighttime. You’d been actively avoiding any media you knew your regressed self would like- cartoons, toys, arts and crafts…anything.

Honestly, it was hell. After the second day, you felt your brain practically begging you to regress and get away from the stressors of your everyday life. It was as if your muscles were aching to be held by your caregiver.

“Y/n?” Chris called, he finally sounded like himself again and not a mucus ridden monster. You looked up from your phone, smiling at the brunette boy. “Yeah?” You asked, trying to play it cool. 

“You okay? You’ve been staring at that same instagram post for the past twenty minutes.” He laughed, motioning to your phone with his hand. You hadn’t even realized- you’d been too caught up in your own thoughts.

“Oh, sorry.” You apologized, swiping out of the app. Chris’ brows furrowed at this, he crouched down next to the couch to meet your eyes- you hated how your brain instantly felt the urge to regress. “Hey…what’s going on? You feel okay?” The boy asked, pressing the back of his hand to your forehead. You pull away, wrinkling up your nose and accidentally allowing a soft whine to escape from the back of your throat.

Only then did it hit Chris- you hadn’t regressed in nearly three days.

“Oh baby…c’mere.” Chris stood up, attempting to pull you into his chest. You instantly pushed him away, shaking your head “N-no! ‘our not all ‘e way better yet! Got’sa take care of ‘ou!” You cried out, frustrated tears brimming your eyes- you wanted to curl up in Chris’ lap but he needed you more right now.

Chris felt his heart break, instantly taking a seat next to you on the couch. “Baby…I feel better now, okay?” He comforted, causing you to let out a sniffle as you wiped your eyes with your sweater sleeve. “C’mere sweetheart…” He cooed, opening up his arms.

You pondered it for a moment, Chris said he was feeling better…and you really wanted his cuddles right now. You pulled the throw blanket off of yourself, instantly curling up into your caregivers lap and letting him wrap his arms around you.

“I missed my little baby so much,” He hummed, instantly feeling better with his little one in his arms. “Thank you for takin’ care of me sweetheart, you did such’a good job.” Chris smiled, resulting in you giving him a small smile as you snuggled further into his chest.Sure, pushing off your regression sucked and later you and Chris would have a discussion on ways you could both make sure you were being taken care of but right now the two of you curled up on the couch, throw blanket draped lazily over you as the latest episodes of your favorite cartoon began playing.

Both secure with the fact that you’d always look out for each other, in sickness and in health.

taglist !! :

@natedoeswife @blahbel668 @nicksloverrr @flow3rsturns13 @pkfferoo @pixxiies @mattsturnswhore @17welch17 @pinksikhewei @v33angel @mattssturnz @littlestar44 @graceslittlecorner @zivall @hrtz4alex2211 @bimbob1tch @sturnsxplr-25 @cherry-red-heart @pr3ttyf4wn @frlinbruh @jazminepetit-homme @raynaaxx @tyummyz

(and ofc thank you so much to the lovely @starri-nightss for requesting this)

[somefanficsaretoosmall]

Other Division:

This will give you more information on the Mind Spirits in the Other Division that the group mets in Royal Field Trip.

If the Mind Spirits have stars(*) by their names then they can admit powerful auras of their emotion.

The guardians of the Division Heads all have three special effects; their helpers are animals, they can turn into that animal, and their power works the same way the Heads do; they need to collect the emotion or side to power up.

Jade; Feelings of Grief:

"I’m Jade, Feelings of Grief. Have you come to grieve with me?"

Outfit/Look - Jade wears a deep jungle green dress and has short gray hair in a thin cut. Her eyes are watery gold like she’s been crying.

Domain - Jade’s room is a graveyard. Her rusty gold helpers are buried in the ground and act like zombies.

Explanation - Jade is perhaps the only Mind Spirit who truly cares about all the other Mind Spirits in the other divisions. She believes that because they are all Mind Spirits they shouldn’t fight with each other. Of course, it doesn't help her case that all of her helpers are zombies, because of this many Mind Spirits think she’s crazy.

Door - Red door with a word carved into it, ‘RIP. Here lies Jade, Honerrary Emotion of Grief’.

Charm - Gravestone Charm

Song - Ashes by Céline Dion

——————————————————————————————————

*Skill; Loyal Side:

"I’m Skill, The Loyal Side. What skills will you show me today?"

Outfit/Look - Skill wears a dragon-themed outfit, has long black hair in a sleek ponytail, and has blue eyes. She wields a scythe.

Domain - Skill’s room is an arena, where opponents and audience are her blue helpers.

Explanation - Unlike the other representatives of Daniella's weaponry knowledge, Skill is in fact the embodiment of it. She is very cocky but she loves a good fight. She also likes to speak with a very old-school tongue as Cupid calls it but still finds pride in the way she talks. Out of all the weapon representations, Skill's favorite is probably Queenie which of course offends Denial a lot but she still gets along pretty well with Skill even if she doesn't show it.

Door - Red door with two double-bladed Scythes in a cross position carved on it and painted in blue.

Charm - Scythe Charm

Song - Undefeated by Skillet

——————————————————————————————————

Night; Master of Dreams:

"I’m Night, Master of Dreams. Welcome to the dream."

Outfit/Look - Night wears a light purple ball gown, has long cloudy-like hair in waterfall braids, and has pink eyes.

Domain - Night’s room is a dream-like world. Two types of clouds float around the room. The first is light purple clouds that hold all of Daniella’s good hopes and dreams, past and present. The second is a dark gray cloud that holds all of Daniella’s old, twisted dreams and hopes.

Explanation - Night is a lot like Cloud in many ways but she's also quite different. For one she accepts reality and that the world is not exactly perfect cuz it isn't and she’s seen it. The reason Night wears a ball gown is because the day that Daniella's dream changed was the day the Kings promised to protect her and her family which was at a party.

Door - Red door with a galaxy design painted on it in black and midnight blue with light purple (almost white) stars.

Charm - Cloud Charm

Song - Just a Dream by Nightcore Reality

——————————————————————————————————

Scotty; Holder of New Beginnings:

"I’m Scotty, Holder of New Beginnings. Are you ready to start anew?"

Outfit/Look - Scotty wears a yellow dress, has white hair, and has yellow eyes. She also looks like a 16-year-old Daniella.

Domain - Scotty’s room is a garden with many plants and waterfalls. It’s based off of Daniella’s quiet place in the woods behind Amity Park.

Explanation - Scotty is the older sister of Justice and is the only Mind Spirit that really wants Justice to live. She loves her sister very much.

Door - Red door with a sign on it that says, ‘Are You Ready To Change?’

Charm - Charm that says, ‘Change for the Better’.

Song - She's So Gone by Naomi Scott

——————————————————————————————————

Justice; Thought of Equality:

"I’m Justice, Thoughts of Equality. Welcome to Perfect Amity Park where everyone is equal. Are you ready to be like everyone else?"

Outfit/Look - Justice wears a white dress (changes to green when she accepts her new world), has short silver hair with bangs, and has pink eyes. She also looks like a 14-year-old Daniella (becomes sixteen when she accepts her new world).

Domain - Justice room is an illusion of a perfect Amity Park where everyone is equal. The pink inhabitants are the people. Turns to a peaceful world when she accepts her new world.

Explanation - For the last four years Justice has never accepted Daniella's true view of equality because she believes that Daniella's view is sad and hateful which is how she came to hate reality. But because of Danny's pushing and showing her that reality is not all sad she finally accepted the new view and her world changed from a perfect world where everyone is equal to a perfect world. Before the change, she was convinced she was better than everyone because she believed in a perfect world where everyone was equal and wanted that for the mind too. One reason why she hated Cupid, Sorrow, and Blaze.

Door - Plain red door

Charm - Dome with a speck of light in it.

Song - Nobody's Perfect by Hannah Montana

——————————————————————————————————

*Ann; Holder of Knowledge:

"I’m Ann; Holder of Knowledge. Be quiet here, we are in a library."

Outfit/Look - Ann wears a blue uniform and glasses, has brown hair in a messy bun, and has light pink eyes.

Domain - Ann’s room is based on the Elmerton Library that Daniella hid in to get away from bullies and her parents. Ann’s light pink helper is the Librarian.

Explanation - Every book in Ann’s Library holds some sort of knowledge that Daniella knows. Ann’s outfit is based off of the librarian that worked at the Elmerton Library when Daniella was starting Elementary school; she was Daniella’s favorite librarian. The current helper who is posing as the librarian is based on the current librarian working at the Elmerton Library, in terms of attitude and personality.

Door - Red door with a sign that says, ‘BE QUITE’.

Charm - Book Charm

Song - Tell Me Something I Don't Know by Selena Gomez

——————————————————————————————————

Wolf; Loner Side:

"I’m Wolf, The Loner Side. NOW LEAVE! I want to be alone."

Outfit/Look - Wolf wears a manatee blue paperboy outfit, has curly brown hair in a wolf cut, and has orange eyes.

Domain - Wolf’s room is the park Daniella liked to go to to be alone.

Explanation - Because Wolf is the Loner Side of Daniella she likes to be alone so not much is known about her.

Door - Red door with bushes painted at the bottom

Charm - Streetlight Charm

Song - Lone Ranger by Rachel Platten

——————————————————————————————————

Diamond; Playful Side:

I’m Diamond; The Playful Side. Go! Have fun.

"Outfit/Look - Diamond wears a blue stripper outfit, has long diamond-white hair, and has icy blue eyes."

Domain - Diamond’s room is a Vegas Casino. The room is based on Ella’s pole dancing job. Her icy blue helpers are the customers and workers of the casino.

Explanation - Diamond likes to have fun and her favorite thing to do is play with card decks. She hates it when someone interrupts her fun. She's been known to throw sharp cards at people who she dislikes or gets on her nerves.

Door - Red door with clovers, hearts, diamonds, and spades carved in it and painted in

Charm - Poker Card Charm

Song - Poker Face by Lady Gaga

——————————————————————————————————

Victoria; Creative Side:

"I’m Victoria, The Creative Side. How does this dress look?"

Outfit/Look - Victoria wears a blue butterfly outfit, has golden hair in a half-up and half-down messy hairstyle, and has pink eyes. She also has a measuring tape around her neck.

Domain - Victoria’s room is a studio but will turn into a fashion show stage. Her pink helpers are her assistants, models, audience, and stagehands.

Explanation - Victoria is always busy and prefers to get her own stuff done before doing anything else which irritates people especially when Mind Spirits are trying to get her to do something for them or help them. She's also very demanding, rude, and judgmental which does not make her very popular at parties with other Mind Spirits.

Door - Red door with two stage lights on the frame pointing at the door.

Charm - Needle and Thread Charm

Song - Fashion by Lady Gaga

——————————————————————————————————

Selena; Mother Side:

"I’m Selena, The Mother Side. Are you lost, Little Ducks?"

Outfit/Look - Selena wears a light pink dress, has light brown hair in a flipped low ponytail, and has blue eyes.

Domain - Selena’s room is a field of flowers. Her blue inhabitants are the children that play in the field.

Explanation - Before the ghost mind came into play, Selena was the Dragon Side’s watcher which is where she watched Daniella’s life. When the ghost mind did come into play the Human Side took her to be a Mind Spirit. She's very caring and loving and misses the Dragon Side very much but she can't go see her because she is a Mind Spirit and they are not allowed in the Main Mind so she has Blaze send messages to her.

Door - Red door with ducks and teddy bears carved on it

Charm - Duck Charm

Song - Beautiful Soldier by Alisha Liston

——————————————————————————————————

Adam and Eve; Tomboy and Feminist Side:

"I’m Adam, The Tomboy Side. And I’m Eve; The Feminist Side. Welcome to the show."

Outfit/Look - Adam and Eve both wear show outfits and have dark blue eyes. Eve has long silver hair in a French pouf and high ponytail while Adam has black hair in a pixie cut.

Domain - Adam and Eve’s room is a crystal cave.

Explanation - Unfortunately not much is known about these two other than they bicker and complain about each other a lot. However one things is that Adem can only grow crystals and Eve can only use energy attacks.

Door - Red door with cosmetics carved in the top corner and garden tools carved in the bottom corner

Charm - Crystal Charm

Song - Feel This Moment by Pitbull ft. Christina Aguilera

——————————————————————————————————

Bailey; Wild Side:

"I’m Bailey, The Wild Side. Can you handle me?"

Outfit/Look - Bailey wears a white and black outfit, has long red hair, and has light brown eyes. She also has wolf ears on her head. Bailey can turn into a large wolf but doesn’t do it a lot because she can ride her wolves.

Domain - Bailey’s room is a forest where she lives with her light brown wolves. The wolves are her inhabitants.

Explanation - Bailey, like Wolf, likes to be alone and hide in her domain so while she may be the Guardian of the Other Head, not much is known about her and she's not really seen outside of her domain much.

Door - Darker red door with a big wolf howling at the moon carved into the door.

Charm - Wolf Charm

Song - Running with the Wolves by AURORA

——————————————————————————————————

Blaze; Emotion of Anger and Head of the Other Division:

"I’m Blaze, Emotion of Anger and Head of the Other Division and this is my Main Helper, Angela. Can you take my heat? (signs this)"

Outfit/Look - Blaze wears a red phoenix dress, has long bright red, almost fire colored, hair, and her iris look burned but she can see.

Domain - Blaze’s room is a gorge with a volcano on top which is where she lives. Her helpers live in the gorge.

Main Helper (Angela) - She has a big red, circle-shaped head, and a small red body. On top of her head is long lava hair. She is wearing the same outfit as Blaze. She speaks for Blaze when she signs, her voice is very glitchy but you can understand her.

Explanation - Blaze’s division is very isolated so unfortunately not a lot of them get out much making them seem like a mystery to the other divisions. Blaze herself is another mystery, many people have described her as a ticking time bomb, but that’s not true. She's very kind to you but if you make her upset she'll rain Hellfire down on you. Unlike the Other Division Heads, she would rather use her hands than a weapon. She is also where Daniella gets her control of lava, not even the Fire Power can do that.

Door - Burnt wood and framed in rusted copper

Bracelet - Copper

Song - Backlight Cover by AmaLee

——————————————————————————————————

Newest to Oldest:

Jade

Adam

Diamond

Wolf

Skill

Justice

Bailey

Victoria

Selena

Ann

Night

Scotty

Eve

Blaze

——————————————————————————————————

You can find the pictures of their outfits on either site that has the story. I wouldn't put any of them here because I don't own them.

Previously: 😭

Next: 🐉

[kangaroo-r00]

CH4P73R 1

The messy apartment was silent other than the rustling coming from inside the inhabitant’s room. Jay wriggled into his red pants and swung his leg up onto the bed, sliding his knee pad on and securing it in place. He yanked on his red knee high boots and laced them up tight, triple knotting them. He repeated the process with his other leg before pulling his refashioned red hoodie over his head, sliding the elbow pads on afterward. Gloves? Check. Utility belt and backpack? Check, check. He pulled the blue mask on his forehead down, brushing his green hair out of his face and breathed out deeply.

He wasn’t Jay now; he was Jackieboy Man. And he was gonna go out and protect his city.

“SAM? You there, buddy?” He asked the mechanical green eye lying prone on his bedside table, optic nerve hanging off the edge. They chittered in response, blue iris lighting up and shining happily.

Their official name was Surveillance Address Machine and their job was to scan local radio waves and pinpoint areas where crimes were happening. They also doubled as a recording device and camera. It had been quite the task to build them—a combination of scraps, expensive parts, and some other stuff Jackie hadn’t completely understood but used anyway. Powering the little bugger wasn’t easy either. They had to charge all day often times and required many many batteries for the backup power.

“You ready?”

They trilled, leaving their designated spot and hovering next to him.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Jackie took a brief moment to peer out his window, making sure nobody was watching before swinging a leg out and dropping down onto the balcony below in a crouch. He pulled out his grappling hook, shot the harpoon high above the opposite building towards the water tower, and gave a tug to make sure it had grabbed a hold of the bars properly. With a leap onto the railing and a push, he was swinging through the air with a whoop.

While he couldn’t necessarily fly (that’s what his grappling hook was for), he certainly could jump much further than the average person. And land from higher falls without breaking something important.

He narrowly avoided crashing into the building wall, his boots striking the side of the building. Grabbing ahold of a windowsill, he hit the trigger and was yanked upward. Swinging and climbing like a monkey, he dodged window sills, repeating the process like clockwork until he was hanging off the water tower, looking out over Septic City.

The night was cloudy, making lights twinkle like stars on all levels of different buildings. Giant screens on the sides of tall buildings showed bright, colorful ads. People bustled about on the sidewalks far below, going about their night and cars idled on the street in traffic, honks not uncommon. It was a truly beautiful sight to behold.

Jackie sighed wistfully, electric blue eyes roving over the landscape. “Wouldja look at that…”

Unfortunately he only got a mere moment to gaze out over the illuminated city. SAM let out a repeated chirping sound, and with the sound of tuning stations a broadcast filtered through.

“Attention all units, the gang known as “The Puppets” and their gang leader have attacked two of our Watchers at the corner of Silent Avenue and Night Bend. We’re requesting backup…”

Jackie backed away from the edge before taking a running start and leaping off the ledge, running from building to building, using his gloves to latch onto glass surfaces and scale up vertical surfaces.

Recently there had been this… gang going around (nobody was sure what to call it exactly) causing trouble. The reason Jackie uses “gang” lightly was... well…

There was some kind of virus going around causing bouts of paranoia and laughter called “The Giggles” (some smartass journalist had jokingly called it that in an article and the name stuck). It seemed it was passed through blood contact, scratching, biting, whatever causes pain. Infected people went through a bout of illness and disappeared. As infected citizens disappeared, new puppets seemed to join the ranks…  

Jackie knew he shouldn’t be dealing with people who were infected—he was no doctor—but people were getting hurt! If it involved the citizens of his city getting injured then it was his problem. He’d never met the leader though—the other rarely showed up publicly. All he knew was that he was strong and sly based on the attack on Mayor Sean on Halloween and the illness that sent him into a coma nearly a year later.

He landed on the side of a building, surveying the area. The scene was more… unsettling than they let on. There had to be over thirty people there, all standing silently, heads bowed and arms hanging loosely by their sides.

“The hell…” he whispered softly, squinting and activating his x ray vision. There was nothing hiding behind cars or wheelie bins other than a few out of sight puppets.

“It’s fucked, isn’t it?” A familiar voice said tonelessly above him. “Like some horror movie bullshit.”

His head snapped upwards so hard he pulled something. A bedazzled white cat mask with the suit of cards on forehead glared back down at him, the owner sitting with his legs crossed at the ankles dangling over the edge.

“Magnificent,” he greeted curtly. “How’d you know to come here?”

He tossed his long green hair over his shoulder and winked. “I thought you knew this already; a magician never reveals his secrets.”

Jackie rolled his eyes, huffing in annoyance. One day he would figure out how he pulled this shit off but it appeared today wasn’t the day. “Well, Mr. Magician, how do you suppose we handle this situation? Know anything I don’t?”

Magnificent hummed lightly, turning his attention back to the people littering the streets below. “They appeared to have calmed down. The two Watchers booked it and then they all just… froze up. Haven’t moved since.”

“They all froze up? At the same time?”

Magnificent nodded. “Yeah. It was fucking freaky.”

Jackie was stumped. “So….. they’re what? A hivemind?”

“I wouldn’t say that necessarily—we’ve seen them do different things—but there’s definitely someone pulling the strings.”

Jackie turned to face SAM. “SAM, start recording my voice on 3… 2… 1. This is Jackieboy Man—”

“I’m here too!” The other butted in obnoxiously.

“And Magnificent calling in to say we’re currently handling the situation alone to reduce casualties should any arise.” A prolonged moment of silence so SAM knew to stop recording and cut out the empty bit of recording. “Send it to the Watchers’ headquarters, SAM, please and thank you.”

Magnificent snickered behind a gloved hand. “I can’t believe you say please and thank you to a robot.”

“Fuck off; it’s called being polite.” Jackie snipped back. “And stay out of my fucking calls!”

“Nah, it’s more fun. Besides, people might forget about me.”

“Only cuz you’re a recluse.”

“Oh piss off, some of us have a job to do.”

Jackie’s eyebrows knit together. “At night?” That was the closest thing he’s ever gotten to information about Magnificent’s personal life.

“Yes, through dusk and the beginning of night.” He sighed and stood, cape billowing out behind him as a gentle breeze kicked up. “Shall we go and investigate, my darling hero?”

“We shall, Mr. Magician,” he snarked.

The black cape behind him turned into a pair of large feathery black wings and the other stepped off the edge, allowing his wings to snap out behind him and slow his descent.

“Show off,” he muttered, dropping down and landing in the classic superhero pose. He stood, dusting himself off before saying, “SAM, start recording both scene and audio.” He took a moment to yank off his gloves and slip on his brass knuckles.

Magnificent stalked forward with intent, whistling casually, dress shoes clicking against the asphalt the only sound on the empty streets. He stopped briefly to wave a hand in front of someone’s face and to poke someone else’s cheek.

“Dude, what the fuck!? Don’t do that!” Jackie hissed in horror. He jogged to keep up, weaving between silent figures to catch the other before he did something else reckless. If the media thought he was reckless, they should really see Magnificent.

They stopped in the center of the circle, turning around to see if any movement occured. No change.

Magnificent peered closer at one of the people, pointing at her. “I recognize this one. She was one of the journalists who interviewed me a while back. Doubles as a horror writer.”

Jackie stared at the woman. Glowing white strings were wrapped around her wrists, ankles, knees, elbows, and neck, the other end of the strands disappearing into her skin while the others fell to the ground, coiled in piles around her feet. Her eyes were black and she had a chilling smile frozen on her face. Her face was familiar.

“Didn’t someone report her missing a while back?” The hero asked, his brain suddenly putting two and two together. There had been posters hung up with many others, all displaying different faces and names.

“Yeah, it was all over the news as well.” Magnificent confirmed. “She was one of the first person who many knew who disappeared.”

The one thing that really bothered Jackie more than the confirmation that missing people turned up as puppets was the strings. “What’s up with this?”

Magnificent reached out and grabbed the string, watching as she jerked, startling them both into flinching back. She settled back down and resumed her original position. Jackie cringed as the magician moved to repeat his previous action.

“Maybe you shouldn’t do that again.”

This time he grabbed the string and didn’t let go when she moved, watching curiously as she turned to him with half lidded empty eyes, head bowed down in submission.

“Interesting…” Magnificent murmured, rubbing the string between a gloved thumb and forefinger, staring emotionlessly as she twitched spastically, head snapping to the side. “Someone is quite literally pulling the strings here.”

“Maggie, cut that shit out. We don’t know what that’s doing.“

“H͘a̡s͏n͏’҉t ̡an̴yo͟n͘e eve̴r ̢ta̢u̴g͜ht yo̧ų ̷no̴t͞ tó t̶o̷uch whàt̕ do͟e͟sn̵’͞t͡ bel̸o̸ng to ͡y͠ou͠?͜”҉ A new voice growls from all around them, the pitch jumping from higher to lower than any voice they’d ever heard.

Jackie whirled, heart rate spiking sharply at the interruption. “These people don’t belong to you!” He declared, heart in his throat.

“Ǫh̸ r̢e̶a̷ll͠y̛?͘” The voice split, traveling in opposite directions, forcing Magnificent and Jackie back to back. “T͡hose ̸ştr̵in̕g̴s s͡a͟ý ́o͘t̷h͢erw͘íse~”̵

“They’re strings,” Magnificent sneered, “What’s so special?”

“You҉ ͝s͠aw.͠ ̸P͝upp̛e̢ts͡ ̸mov͢e ͏w͞h̶en̕ t͠h͏e͡ir ͘s͘t͘rin͏g̀s͡ a͝r͡e p̵ul̴léd̕ ̸but͝ ͡o̸n͞l̀y̨ their ͟M̢a̢ster̵ caņ ͘p̷roperly͞ ͞c͞on̨tr̶ol҉ t҉hèm͘. Beside̴s̸,̶ th̶e̷y’d̀ dó whate͢ver̢ I ͠tol͘d ̢t̷hem t͝ơ. ͝T̸hey’d͘ t͜h̡r̀ow th͞e̢ms̕elves ͡o͜ff a͘ c̀l̛i̵ff ́íf i͝t͡ ̡m҉e̕a̵nt͝ pl̴ea̡si͝n̷g̀ ҉m͜e.”̨

“Show yourself, coward!” Jackie spat, stomach twisting into nervous knots at the mention of these people willing to do anything for whoever this freak was.

There was a cluck of the tongue. “A͞wfull̢y̸ ͢b͝old̸ ͞for̶ a͢ h̴e͢r҉o wi̸t͠h́ ͞ha̴r͡dl͡ỳ a̸ny͟ ͡powers̀. I ̶mean,͜ ̨c̛’̡moǹ:̴ ̧s̡u҉peŗ str҉ength̷ a͠nd x͏ ��r̨ay vi̶sion͝ i̛s̵ s̶o c̨liche i͟t ͞bárely͢ co̧untş.”

His face reddened at that statement, his initial fear being replaced with embarrassment and anger.

“Alright, loser,” Magnificent said before Jackie could blow his top. “Show’s over. Get out here.”

“̀C̸a͢refu͡l͜ wh̀at̷ ̸you̢ ̴w̷ish̕ ҉for.” They said, voice drawing back away from the two and drawing together into one again.

Before their very eyes pixels of shifting colors flew from the puppets’ bodies and strings, drawing together into a form in front of them. He was taller than both of them by several inches, dark forest green hair ruffled and falling into his black and neon green slitted eyes. The wide slit across his throat from one side of his jawbone to the other poured coding and static down his ghostly pale, glitching skin. His shadow violently glitched red, green, and blue, grinning wide on the ground with sharp fangs. There was only one person this could be.

“Anti,” Magnificent said, eyes burning with cyan magic.

The being of code bowed with a giggle. “̕Th͡e o̢ne ̴a͏nd onl҉y.̡”

“What the hell are you doing here? What are you trying to accomplish?” It was easy to slip into his hero persona and start up an interrogation.

Anti grinned widely. “Why̴ I waǹted t͝o m͜e͟et the tw̢o҉ f̵a̵b̛l̷e̛d he̶roeś ̡o̕f Se̢ṕt̷ic Ci͏t̢ỳ.̶ ͘S͘i͝n̴ce y͠o͢u ͜two̧ ćo͟u͠ldn’t͘ b̷e bo͘ther̷éd͡ to͝ ͠sh̶ów͢ u͘p̨ wh̸e͘n ͡ev͞èryone ̨n͟ee̷ded̶ ́y̧ou̷ mos͏t.”͏

Magnificent growled lowly and Jackie could tell his claws were about to tear through his gloves. It was time to wrap this up. The other was dangerous half shifted. It left both of them open and vulnerable.

“Well, you met both of us. Now release those people and beat it,” Jackie demanded.

Anti’s smile wavered, falling flat before taking up half his face again, teeth bared. “͜Y̛ơu see, h͢e͢ŗo͏, ̕I c͏a͞n͘’t juśt do ̛t͠h̴at͟.́ Th̀e ͏s̶t͞ri҉n̷gs̶ run͢ muc͡h dee͝p̕e͜r ͢th͡an you͟ ͏th͢i͏nk.̷ ̶The͡y ̴wou҉ldn͠’͟t ̶k̢n͢ow͞ w͘h̴a͝t to ͏do ҉wi̧th̀ ͝th̨em͏se͝lve̵s if ͜I d̷id҉ ̀th̢a͟t̀.͡”͏

Magnificent took a step forward. “Bullshit. Let them go and piss off.”

“Yo̧u’l͟l̴ ḩa̴v͠e͠ t̡ó ̷ma͢k̸e̢ ́m̶e,͝ kitt͜en̷.”

Jackie grit his teeth. They’d have to be careful. “Challenge accepted.”

Every puppets’ heads snapped up. The strings that seemed to go nowhere slithered across the ground towards them. Anti turned the other way and glitched down the street.

“I’ll deal with the puppets,” Magnificent said, hand alighting with hot cyan magic.

Jackie took off into a sprint, charging forward and leaping over the heads of puppets. If Anti wanted to play that game then he was willing to partake as long as it meant he got to bash his head in for landing Sean in that coma.

The insane cackles led him further and further away from Magnificent and the crowd of people and into the more rundown side of town. Abandoned buildings and silent blocks were all that remained down here, most citizens choosing to move out into the newer, better parts of the city long ago.

Suddenly his foot got caught and he was falling forward, slamming into the uneven, torn up road. The air was knocked out of him in a giant push and he gasped, familiar shockwaves of pain traveling up his arms.

“͞K͟l͡u͢tzy͝, k̷l͡ut̀z͝y he̵r̷o̵,”͢ the glitch taunted. “̨Ca̛ņ’t ͝ev͞e͝n͞ la̸s͜t five m̷i̷nute͏s͞ w̶it̷hou̢t f͞uck̸i̴n̸g̡ śóm̶eth͜ing ̛úp.̸”͡

Jackie chose not to grace the words with a response, shoving himself back onto his feet and turning all around, eyes darting to catch a sight of the villain.

“͝Over h͞e̛r̛e,”̡ the voice sounded to his right. He whirled and saw nothing.

“Oops, I mean͡t͡ ̀b͝e͠h͜ind ̵y̢ou.̨”҉ Nothing.

Fingertips dragged up the knobs of his spine, sending sparks of burning electricity surging through his skin. He yelped, pulling away and tripping over his feet, twisting to try and regain his balance only to fall a second time.

“͜H̨ów pàt̷h͠et͟ic,͞”̨ Anti said, air ripping apart above him in a flurry of glitches to reveal him standing there, leaning over the hero. “Her̨e Į was ho͘pin͏g ͞for ͞a̢ çhal͜l҉e͟nge͝.”̷

Jackie glared at him. “Well, sorry to burst your stupid bubble. Here I was hoping for a somewhat decent criminal but all I got was another dickbag. Guess we’re both disappointed tonight.”

He thought the virus was going to plunge his knife right into his throat and rip out his vocal cords right then and there but an uneasy minute of silence dragged by. Anti merely stared blankly, unblinkingly at him before a wide grin stretched across his face. The most unpleasant, scratchy, high pitched laughter bubbled up out of his throat and echoed throughout the abandoned district.

“At̴ least̶ ̛y҉o͟u̷’ŕe s̨o̸mewh͟át ͜amus̕i̵n͟g. A̵l̶l ͡y̧ou’͡r͟ȩ ̷pro͘ba͝bly̷ good ͟fo҉r͢.”̕ He cackled.

Jackie took the opportunity to lean back on his hands behind him, throw himself back onto his feet, and slam his head into Anti’s, grinning through the throbbing pain at the other’s surprised screech. His brass knuckles connected with his cheekbone, tearing skin and drawing another scream.

“Get fucked, prick,” Jackie crowed, taking another strong swing.

Anti locked eyes with him and disappeared with a burst of pixels. The sound of rising static was the only warning Jackie received. Anti collided with his back, knocking the air out his lungs and driving him into the concrete. A clawed hand gripped his hair and bashed his head down. Stars exploded in his vision, warmth running down the side of his head and matting his hair. A powerful shove of his head scraped skin off his cheek and smeared dark liquid across the street.

“Do̕n’t͟ ge͘t ćo͜ck͟y, l͡i͜tt̛l̸e͏ hero̡. ̢T͞h͏is̨ ̴f҉ig̵h͡t ̵ai҉n’̢t̛ o̴ver͢ yet҉.̴”̛

He was struggling to catch his breath when a burning punch between his lower ribs on his side stole all his air away again. Sputtering and choking on copper, Jackie could only force himself to suck in ragged breaths.

“Y͟ou’͟re ͢n̴ot ̧wor͡t̴h̴ ̢m͏y ti̧me͝. ͡S̀tay͝ ̢o̕utta͟ my w̨a͠y.”̧ Anti muttered in Jackie’s ear, moist, hot breath rolling over his ear. The sensation made him squirm in place only to whine loudly at the sharp lance of pain that shot through his side.

The weight on him disappeared and the lack of static told him he was alone.

He wheezed, knowing he had just narrowly escaped death but not understanding how. His trembling hand went to his side and came away with red on his blue gloves. “Shit,” he breathed. “Shit.” Putting pressure on the wound, Jackie blinked. banishing the black creeping up on the edges of his vision. “Up, up and away,” he slurred tiredly, shoving himself onto his feet and nearly falling forward, barely catching himself. “Hoo boy.”

Stumbling his way down the street, Jackie managed to avoid passing out, limping on his better side with his hand pressed tight to the weeping wound. The stickiness on his hair and skin was beginning to dry and flake off. Every now and then he’d stagger and pause, sucking in a deep breath before continuing.

“Well, this night coulda gone better,” he mumbled to himself, nearly tripping over his own feet again.

Thinking about how he was gonna get more time off from work when he used up all his sick days already nearly made him fall over for the umpteenth time tonight. One step at a time… quite literally.

(A/N) See the mess above??? This is where it all goes downhill.

General tag list: @melasong, @writerwithdepression, @normallyemma, @kitnkas, @iris-the-asparagus, @here-be-becquerel, @maybalator

Series tag list: @kyeabove​, @10th-no-name-person​, @a-septic-writer-of-art​

(tell me if you want to be added to either taglist)

PR3V10US

N3X7

[damndescendants]

He Put The Stars In The Sky

Writer - @damndescendants

Requested - @lovefan643

Obsidian Daughter of Mother Gothel because she knows repunzle her hair is long (only reaches to her hands tho) mostly unhappy due to her living conditions and her abusive mother She only comes when its dark cuz she loves the stars one day she meet Harry Hook (sorry for so many Harry Hook stories) and you suprise me from there on (an idea one of my friends had and i kinda made it better :pp)

Disclaimer - I do not own any of Descendants’ characters and/or ideas all credit goes to the creator and producers of Disney Descendants

•

Pairing - Harry Hook x Reader

Summary – (Y/N) is the daughter of Mother Gothel and one night when she goes out in the night she meets the infamous Harry Hook.

Warning(s) - abuse, mentions of not wearing clothes

“I do this for you, my child.” My mother sat behind me acting as if she didn’t just cause me physical and emotion pain for the past several hours, bruises had already starting forming, cuts still bleeding. Being the daughter of Mother Gothel had many downs and very few ups.

“I know, mother. Thank you.” I said in a monotone voice, trying to fight back the tears as she gently strokes my long (H/C) hair. The hair nearly past my hands when I held them at my sides, I loved my long hair very much.

“Mother knows best.” My mother said in a happy tone before backing away from me.

“Mother? Am I okay to go look at the stars now?” I asked gently hoping I’d get an okay.

“Yes, you may my child. Be home before dawn though.” I nodded at her request and quickly went to grab my black leather jacket and pulled on my tall black boots, grabbed my backpack and went out the door as my mother went up to her room tired of me already.

I walked my way down the empty streets of the Isle and after about an hour of walking I found myself at a little, dark beach that had a dock off of the shore that lead about 10 feet out into the water. I walked it and sat on the edge of it enjoying the little breeze the water let off.

I pulled my backpack off of my back and peeled my jacket and deep purple shirt, knowing no one was around to seem me like this and I need to start covering up these cuts. The cool air felt nice on the bruises and lashes on my back.

I looked at my outside left forearm, the worse cut I had gotten today. Mother threw a kitchen knife at me, thankfully I had a good reflex and put my arms in front of my face and the knife cut open my forearm, its bruise already forming in a yellowish purple tint. It truly didn’t hurt as bad as it looked.

“You’re gonna be a sucker to patch up.” I mumbled to the wound and then pulled out the little gauze I had left out of my backpack and started sticking it on there but they kept falling.

“C’mon please.” I begged it.

As if it heard me, the gauze started to cooperate and I was able to bandage it and then place band aids over all the other cuts.

It easily took me a good 2 hours to patch myself up and I put all my things back in my backpack, leaving my jacket and shirt off I stared off into the distance and at the stars. I’ve always loved the stars. They were always there even if it was cloudy or rainy, they were always there, hiding or not.

I was lost in my own thoughts when a voice rang out

“What are you doing out at this hour, darling?” The accented voice said from behind me causing me to whip around, yank my jacket over to me to cover my near bare chest.

“Pl-please don’t hurt me. I’l-I’ll do anyt-anything.” I begged with the stranger who only wore black boots and black shorts the hung off his hips. A sliver hook that shined as bright as the stars was in his left hand.

“Hurt you? I don’t hurt someone unless they deserve it.” The strong voice said, “but who are you?” The boy came closer to me which scared me greatly.

“I’m not gonna hurt you. Calm down.” He approached me slowly, he seemed trustworthy for some reason as he got closer I noticed his bright blue eyes and messy deep brown hair.

“I’m (Y/N)” I said quietly as he made his way to sit next to me, I still clutched my jacket to my chest.

“You actually speak?” The boy tried to lighten the mood, “I’m Harry Hook.”

“I figured since you’re holding a hook.” I giggled lightly gaining the trust of this boy quickly.

“You’ve got a mouth on you, don’t you.” Harry’s giggle was cut short when he noticed my scared expression.

“I’m sorry. I take it back.” He looked confused at me.

“It’s okay I’m not mad.” His accent only seemed to get deeper with each word he said. “You’re the daughter of Gothel, aren’t you?”

I only nodded my head. My mother had a reputation for being abusive and sadistic towards me, that’s why I never left my house unless it was dark out. I could avoid the judging gazes of everyone.

“That’s why your back is all messed up, huh?” I nodded again and gripped the jacket, somehow even closer to me.

“You don’t have to go back to her, you know?” I looked over at him, giving him a questioning look.

“I can get you into my pirate crew and you can live with us on the ship and never have to see your mother again.” He said looking at me, I hadn’t realize how close he was to me till this second.

“Really? This isn’t a joke is it?” I was getting hopeful, I could get away.

“Yes really. You can stay there tonight with me if you’d like.” Harry said and I quickly nodded excitedly.

“C’mon then.” He said and stood offering a hand to me and I grabbed it still holding my jacket to my chest.

“You don’t have to hid yourself like that. I’m not going to do anything.” He laughed slightly and I hesitantly pulled the jacket away from me and placed it over my shoulders instead, Harry carried my shirt and backpack.

“Why are you doing this? What were you doing out here anyways?” I asked as he lead the way back to his ship.

“I know how it feels, my father isn’t the nicest of humans out there and I don’t want that for anyone else.” he started, not looking at me, “I couldn’t sleep and I always go out to that dock when I can’t sleep. Why were you out here?”

“I like looking at the stars, it makes me forget.” I said quietly.

“Well you won’t have anything to worry about any more. Myself and the rest of the crew will protect you.”

Couple Years Later

I stood on the deck of the ship, it was easily 3 am. I only wore a sheet around my body, scars from my mother now sprinkled my body no new ones had appeared since the night Harry found me and we’ve been inseparable since then. We began quickly dating after Uma allowed me onto her crew and I lived on the ship with all of them. The king had just allowed 4 kids from the Isle to live in Auradon, sadly it wasn’t Harry, Gil, Uma, and I. The ones who probably deserved it the most.

“You took all my warmth and my sheet, my little star.” Harry’s accent said from behind me as he came up and pressed his front to my back, wrapping his arms around me.

“Sorry. I just wanted to look at the stars.” I mumbled as he repeatedly kissed my shoulder gently.

“Shocking.” He grumbled out tiredly.

“Shut up and go back to bed if you’re gonna be sourfish.” I laughed, I had gain a lot of confidence being around these people, I grew strong and soon enough nearly fearless. It was the greatest feeling ever.

“I need you to sleep.” Harry pulled at the sheet that covered my body.

“Just a couple more minutes?” I begged him and mumbled a ‘fine’.

We stood there, Harry going back behind me and held me again. It was then that I realize I truly lucked out and wouldn’t change this moment for anything. I had the person that was my first love holding me. The person I talk about like he put the stars in the sky. The person who has saved me from everything it seemed. Nothing else mattered in that moment.

A/N Again I had no idea where this was going and I’m sorry it’s so short but I hope you enjoyed it! :)

[whispersandwhiskerburn]

Wanted

Summary: Dean realizes he’s not showing the Reader the love she deserves and takes her on a romantic date to remind her that she is all he has ever wanted. Pairing: Dean x Reader Word Count: 2,155 Warnings: Um…bring a salty snack to combat the tooth-rottingly sweetness of this fic. It’s so sappy and fluffy I’m kinda sick to my stomach. And I blame my sister for making me watch a Nicholas Sparks movie today. Implied future smut at the end, but this is totally SFW. Author’s Note: This is an extremely late birthday present response to a challenge by Kayla at @one-shots-supernatural as well as one of the fic responses to my 2k celebration, requested by one of my absolute faves: @littlegreenplasticsoldier. My prompts were the song “Wanted” by Hunter Hayes (lyrics italicized throughout), camping, and the quotes bolded below. I hope you enjoy!

“You two go ahead—muscle your way to a booth or a table. I’ll get the drinks.”

Dean shot Y/N a look of confusion, ready to protest that he could get the drinks, but she leaned forward on her toes and planted a kiss on his cheek, distracting him.

“I know you two are the pretty ones, but the bartender’s a guy this time, so I’ll be more likely to catch his attention.”

She turned him by his shoulders and pushed him lightly towards the crowded seating area, Sam already parting the crowd in front of him.

It was late and the place was crowded, but it took someone who was really brave or really drunk to stand their ground when the Winchesters wanted something. It didn’t take long to secure a booth, but once they were seated and Dean was keeping an eye on the local crowd, his mind went back to what his girlfriend had said.

“Dude, what’s with you? This case was a win. And we’re actually low on the catastrophe front at the moment.”

Sometimes it sucked that his little brother knew him so well.

He frowned, “it’s Y/N.”

Sam followed Dean’s gaze to where she was casually shooting down wanna-be lovers while the bartender filled drink orders and she waited patiently.

“She’s fine. Hell, Dean, she could kick any of their asses in a heartbeat, you know that.”

Dean shook his head, “that’s not it. Something she said—that we’re the pretty ones—“

Sam laughed at that, interrupting Dean as he ran his fingers through his hair in an exaggerated way. “Well, clearly she mainly meant me, but what’s your point, gorgeous?”

Dean shoved his brother’s shoulder but couldn’t stop the smile on his face, which had been Sam’s intent.

“My point, ugly, is that if she really thinks that—about herself, I mean—then I’m doing a shitty job in the boyfriend department. And let’s face it, I don’t exactly have a lot of experience there, so the chances are pretty good that I’ll fuck it up. I don’t want to do that to her.”

Dean watched her laugh at a comment from another admirer as she finally got the drink order to the bartender, then continued in a lower voice.

“I mean, anyone can tell her she’s pretty. She get’s that all the time, I know she does. But her beauty’s deeper than the makeup, you know? I feel like she needs to know that….”

“Then why the hell are you telling me instead of her?” Sam was trying, and mostly failing, at holding back laughter, but he straightened up when Dean shot him a look.

“Look, we both know you got seriously lucky with Y/N, and that you need her like everything that’s green needs sunlight. But if you’re worried you’re not giving her the attention she deserves, take her someplace this weekend—she likes hiking and the outdoors, right?” Dean nodded. “Well, there you go. Take her to one of Bobby’s old hunting spots or something and the two of you have some alone time. I’ll hold things down at the bunker.”

Y/N was walking over now, gripping three beers and weaving through the mass of people. When she met Dean’s eyes and smiled at him, Dean couldn’t stop the happy smile crossing his face in return—and he didn’t want to either.

“That might be the smartest idea you’ve had in a year, Sammy.”

“Okay, Dean, what’s this about? Making Sam hitch a ride with Lee Chambers back to the bunker and driving all the way out here? I know we don’t have a case, but I figured you’d be heading for the nearest cheeseburger, not national forest.”

Dean smiled, glad to have actually been able to surprise his girlfriend for once. She was a quick one, there was no doubt there, and when Lee had been an hour away, Dean had called in a favor to get some camping supplies and a ride for Sam.

Dean put Baby in park and took down the chain that crossed the trail, ignoring the sign saying, “Not Open to Public” and pulled it out of the way, before climbing back behind the wheel and driving past the winding trail. It had been a long ride, and he was hoping to get to the clearing he’d visited once before as a kid before the sun set—it would be a great view.

Y/N was still clueless. Score one for the boyfriend.

Y/N was looking at him funny, “did you and Sam have a fight? What was it about?”

Dean chuckled, “This is between me and you. And we’ve waited long enough.”

“Yeah, cuz that’s not ominous-sounding or anything.”

Dean rolled his eyes, pulling through the last of the trees and into the edge of the clearing, then backing up till the trunk was facing the edge of the ridge. The clearing was the edge of the forest before a natural drop-off; the grass died out a few yards from the tree line leaving dirt and gravel, but the view from the edge was incredible—and the fall was deadly, hence the block for tourists.

Dean parked and turned off the Impala before turning to face the woman in the front seat. “C’mon, Y/N. A little faith here—I just wanted us to have some time alone, you know? Something special. You know I’d fall apart without you, hell, you’ve saved mine and Sammy’s life several times, but it’s more than that. We don’t just need you for your hunting skills—“

“Or the fact that I could kick both your asses and I’m a better researcher than the two of you put together.”

“Haha. It’s more than one and one makes two. It makes sense for you to be with us, for us to be together, but put aside the math and the logic of it; I want to make you feel…wanted.”

Dean reached over, grabbing Y/N hand to squeeze.

“This is about how you’re more than everything I need. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t know how you do what you do, the way you can make me smile at the weirdest times, the way that everything that doesn’t make sense about me, makes sense when I’m with you.”

Dean faltered, unfamiliar with this mushy stuff… but Y/N’s eyes were melting, and the smile on her face…it was the same smile she gave him after a particularly slow, sweet love making session. So, he soldiered on.

“This trip is about the two of us,” Dean squeezed her hand in his, “and how I wanna hold your hand forever… and kiss your lips…” He leaned forward and caught a glimpse of her smile before she mirrored him and gave him a sweet kiss, all lips with just a hint of tongue.

He leaned back and smiled at the look in her eyes.

“C’mon, I wanna show you something.”

It was a little cooler than Dean had been expecting outside of the car, which made Dean smile—more incentive to wrap her up. The view was…breathtaking. There were quite a few clouds in the wide open sky in front of them, and they were all painted surreal shades of orange, purple, pink and gold as the horizon was dominated by the half globe of the setting sun.

“Oh…Dean. It’s incredible.”

Score two for the boyfriend.

Dean boosted himself on top of the trunk, then pulled Y/N up in between his legs, cradling her against his chest as she took in the full sight and he lost himself in the feel of her curves and the smell of her hair.

He truly was one lucky son of a bitch.

The moment needed no words—they sat there together, watching the sun set and holding each other, and Dean had the fleeting thought that surely this moment would be added to his heaven landscape—and he was glad that he might get the chance to relive this on a loop one day.

When the last of the colors began to fade away, Y/N shifted in his arms, turning to press another sweet kiss to his lips. Dean slipped his hand into her hair, angling her to deepen the contact, losing himself in the taste of her in the way he rarely gave himself time to do anymore.

Then he heard it—the splat of water on windshield.  He looked up just in time for the next raindrop to land on his cheek.

“Oh, come on.”

The light sprinkle was already speeding up to be a steady drizzle as Dean groaned, sliding both himself and Y/N off the car.

“What’s wrong, Dean?”

“This” Dean pointed up to the cloudy sky, the magnificent colors gone to reveal a light gray shade that was playing hell with his evening. “I had a whole thing planned—camp out under the stars, cozy campfire, some quiet time alone,” Dean arched his eyebrows and Y/N chuckled, “the works. Fucking rain.”

Then Y/N tilted her head back, letting the rain wash her face as she spread her arms out—as if she’d embrace the storm if she could.

“I love the rain, though. The way it sounds on metal,” Dean listened to the music of it on the car and could kinda see her point, “the way it drops the temperature and clears the air… and especially the smell.”

“The smell?”

Y/N smiled, her eyes still closed and facing the sky. “Yeah. Petrichor…it means the smell of dust after rain. I’ve always liked it….”

She cracked her eyes open then, laughing to find Dean staring at her incredulously.

“Seriously, Dean—what’s wrong with a little rain?”

She started spinning in the drizzle, the rain coming down hard enough that her hair was starting to get slicked back and her oversize loose shirt began to cling to her curves in a way that Dean definitely noticed.

Y/N was still spinning slowly, practically dancing in the rain, her eyes coming back to Dean’s again and again as he stared at her child-like abandon and the joy that radiated from her.

“At this moment? Not a damn thing.”

Dean moved forward and caught her in his arms, pulling her into his chest.

Y/N chuckled again and then Dean’s mouth was on hers, and her mouth was otherwise occupied.

When they finally surfaced for breath, Dean realized the shower had slackened—it was barely sprinkling now, and the clouds were dispersing to reveal the night sky.

“Look, Y/N.” He guided her chin up to see the stars. This deep into the national forest, the light pollution was minimal, and maybe it was the recent rain, but the air seemed extra clear tonight. Peeking out from behind the clouds, the stars were finally making themselves seen, twinkling and filling the night landscape.

“Oh, wow. Dean, it’s---it’s like a fairytale, or a dream.”

He smiled, turning her around so that her back was to his chest, her head leaned back on his shoulder as she continued to stargaze. He’d brought a tarp and some sleeping bags for that purpose, but he couldn’t bring himself to let her out of his arms right now. The moment was too perfect to spoil with distance.

“That’s all I ever wanted, Y/N. As good as you make me feel, I wanna make you feel better.” Dean leaned his head in and whispered in her ear as he pulled her even tighter into his chest, “better than your fairy tales, better than your best dreams.

“I’ll never let you forget it.”

“Forget what, Dean?”

Y/N turned enough to look up into Dean’s eyes, her own sparkling with something that looked suspiciously like tears in the starlight, but the smile on her face gave him the courage to continue.

“Just how much I need you—how much I want you in my life. Just how important you are to me….”

A part of Dean wanted to keep going, but this was getting way too mushy and open for him, so he did what he did best—acted instead of talked. He leaned in, showing her with his kiss just how much she meant to him, since he wasn’t comfortable saying it out loud to her, no matter how much she might deserve to hear it.

When the kiss was broken, it was Y/N who pulled back to look up at him. Her smile was knowing, understanding, and Dean smiled back, acknowledging his own embarrassment.

“It’s okay, Dean. This is incredible, and I love that you did it—but I know you love me without any grand gestures. And you know I love you.

“There are some things that could never possibly be forgotten.”

Then she pulled him down for another kiss, and Dean focused on the amazing woman in his arms and making her feel wanted in every possible way for the rest of the night.

Did you like this? Check out my MASTERLIST!  Feedback is life!

To my Forevers, the ones who keep me writing:

@2wonderinsighlents, @adaliamalfoy, @alcpegasus22, @andrastesflamingtitties, @angelofwinchester17, @alexastacio, @anokhi07, @ariethegreat98, @arryn-nyx, @autopistaaningunaparte, @avasmommy224, @babypieandwhiskey, @bennyyh, @benjerry707, @bringmesomepie56, @bucky-thorin-winchester, @but-deans-back-tho, @captainemwinchester, @carry-on-ms-believer, @casownsmyass, @cfordwrites, @chaos-and-the-calm67, @dancingalone21, @d-s-winchester, @deafgirlsarecooler, @deandoesthingstome, @deanfuckingwinchesterrr, @deanscherrypie, @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog, @deanwinchesterforpromqueen, @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester, @deliciouslyshadowymilkshake, @demonangelimpala, @demondeansdomme, @end-lessnights, @faith-in-dean, @fandommaniacx, @feelmyroarrrr, @fiveleaf, @graceforme86, @i-is-for-inspiring, @ilostmyshoe-79, @impala-dreamer, @jalove-wecallhimdean, @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes, @jencharlan, @jensen-gal, @jotink78, @just-another-busy-fangirl, @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms, @katnharper, @kittenofdoomage, @kristaparadowski, @lipstickandwhiskey, @littlegreenplasticsoldier, @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid, @love-kittykat21, @loreleilara, @lunarsaturn88, @luv4jensen, @lynnebla, @marilynnlew, @millaraysuyai, @mogaruke, @moonstonemystyk, @mrsbatesmotel53, @mrsjohnsmith, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mzpearlz, @nicolesyneah25, @nightmaredean, @notnatural-supernatural, @paintrider13-blog, @pinknerdpanda, @plaidstiel-wormstache, @rizlowwritessortof, @roxy-davenport, @salvachester, @seenashwrite, @septicxsoulxdarkxmind, @scorpiongirl1, @skathan-omaha, @spnrvt, @supernatural-jackles, @supernaturalyobsessed, @theafinnerup, @thedevilinthedetails, @thegreatficmaster, @vote-for-pedro, @waywardjoy, @wi-deangirl77, @wonderange, @withoutaplease, @xtina2191, @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou, and @yume-deaimashou

If you want to be removed from or added to my forever tag list, send me a message/ask! Only 18+ please!!

[honeyedmilks]

30qs 🌹

yo yoyoyo wassup i was tagged by @lavenderbyun aka fairy priness (whomst i love) to do this tag (whomst i forgot tooo. do…) oh and also tagged by @ikdrama (lils you angel ????!) not too long ago.

1. nickname: dkjbfdjs i have so many where do i start; sofie, brian, sofar, baby cat friend, sofie poffie, and sof :’))

2. gender: im a frog obvs?? jokes im female (that was a bad joke im sorry i made u look at this)

3. star sign: aquarius also im fucking laughing val is a gemini ????? !!!! (i say this cuz im looking at the questions on my phone as i answer on my laptop dufgdhsknx) 

4. height: dunno tbh… near 6ft?? or like a bit under??? who even knows tbh

5. time: 11:41 pm… rather late for me these days…

6. birthday: january 25th! me and my boi robbie be down on that day (rip my guy)

7. favourite bands: ooooh monsta x, exo, bts, got7 and shinee are gOOD !!! also aoa… 

8. favourite solo artist: honestly everyone knows i love kim jonghyun and his cloudy vocals. he could sing about udon noodles and soggy eggs on a solo album and i would be in heaven. also the weeknd, roy woods, sade, banks and michael jackson… are … GOOD !!!

9. song stuck in my head: hmmm rewind by got7 is a strong contender here

10. last movie i watched: usually i dont remember shit but i can tell ya’ll i watched mission impossible 5 today (it was really wild and i was living)

11. last show watched: im about twenty mins in the only airing drama im watching right now :’))) issa jdrama kalled kahogo na kahoko 

12. when did i create my blog: damn bruh i really cant remember, about 2 or three years ago?? ive only got a hang of it and all that in the past year tho :’)

13. what do i post: an array of aestheticy things… graphics mostly for kpop and kdrama stuff but i now make some gifs too :’D i post other drama related things, reviews/ my personal thoughts on dramas, depressing personal posts djfukm and i reblog a whole load of memes and more aesthetic stuff and food and jjong 

14. last thing i googled: HA it was orange haired jimin (i was torturing allie)

15. do you have other blogs: i do have some sideblogs for my own use, there’s a resource blog i have for myself so im not spamming here, i have an aesthetic one for mostly bodies and other random things, and a poorly kept writing/book blog dncfdbjnx i honestly do the most for myself 

16. do you get aks: ah yes i surprisingly do? if dabbing anon is reading this then salute, my friend! most of my asks are my lovely lovely mutuals being LOVELY and then some curious anons now and then :’))) i love all my asks they’re so pure and good. i hope blue hearts anon is doing okay :((( 

17: why did you choose your url: oh i really was getting into frank sinatra and all the classics, and watching audrey hepburn movies and my url is a reference to both hepburn and sinatra i think. she sang moon river in breakfast at tiffany’s and i think he sang it too! i’ve never actually changed my url i don’t think. 

18. following: i honestly just be clickin shit on this site djhfbdjks i follow like 1278 blogs KCDJHF;DHSKN i have started some unfollowing though for old blogs etc 

19. followers: over 800! dkcnbunkxmc some people assume i have over 5k followers??? not true im so lame and didnt even know what a tumblr desktop theme was until i met rezka and allie. on that note i gotta say that i have the coolest cutest followers tbh 

20. favourite colours: pink and creamy colours! beige. off white, stuff like that :’)

21. average hours of sleep: honestly depends fug9rdnk for the past two weeks or so i’ve been getting at least six so thats good i guess :’)

22. lucky number: ummmmmmmm nine?

23. instruments: the only thing i’ve ever played is myself. and thats the chai tea. oh and also some clarsach and piano that my friend taught me cfvuijdkbcx;iofnc but very little and like … i played them two times

24. what am i wearing: a shalwar kameez sdnskjbcjfd and a scarf round my shoulders 

25. how many blankets do i sleep with: one duvet!

26. dream job: damn … director. published writer. something that lets me travel and share my ideas, my creative thoughts and work to people. 

27. dream trip: take me everywhere. 

28. favourite food: the spicy salmon fish that my mum makes

29. nationality: pakistani-scottish

30. favourite song now: hmm… blood on the dance floor by michael jackson, c’est une bop

i shall tag these angels: @allonsy-allie, @redefining, @roserayne, @gimme-a-chocolate, @kpopkpoop, and @jj2eun if they shall like to so this~

[miniwixoide]

survee =)

Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? no!! How many true heart breaks have you had in your lifetime? like two Who last grabbed your ass? cartoon pirate

Do you get a ‘Good Morning’ text from someone every day? no

Do you have any gay family members? not that i know of Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? eva B Do you feel like everything is falling apart around you? i mean yeah on a larger scale Was your first kiss romantic? not romantic just really cute and friendly Do you know anybody whose last name is a color? yes What are you most likely to go to jail for? drug stuff Do you ever feel like life is going by too fast? yes Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? lena Is there someone that always intimidates you? kind of :/ its dumb Have you ever liked anyone that was in a relationship with someone else? yeah Would you ever get a boob job? i fantasize about it but no Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? idk both? Do you ever ignore texts from some people? yeah Have you ever tried to break up anyone because YOU liked the guy/girl? no!!! When is the last time you felt left out? idk recently When was the last time you flirted with someone? today Yellowcard vs Straylight Run, pick: idk anything about them sooo What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? i don’t really know.. it would feel weird Would you ever take someone back if you found out they cheated on you? lol. i have but never again What does your last text message say? too personal to say :p What color is your hair right now? dark brown Do people ever compliment your eyes? yeah Have you ever lied to your boyfriend/girlfriend? i don’t think so but maybe Do people ever tell you that you’re funny? yess :) Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? yes because its a fucked up industry not because i’d be jealous How many people has your best friend had sex with? i don’t know What’s the last song you listened to? happy by 2ne1 loooollll Who’s the last person that hung up on you? angry man calling at my workplace Are you a bitch? sometimes Four days from now, will you have sex? (bgc judy maybe so gif) Do you look intimidating? i’ve been told that but i don,t feel that way What does your second to last text say? can,t whip out my phone right now bosses are watchingg :/ What makes you laugh? so many things :D What were you most looking forward to today? yoga class How is your hair? side pompom ponytail What are your initials? MDG What’s your biggest fear? nuclear war Look outside how’s the weather? very cold :( and cloudy Did you ever think someone didn’t like you, but come to find out they really did? yes!!! When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? i don’t remember Are you worried about anything right now? not really How do you think tomorrow will be? good, relaxing :) fun Do you wish you could take one thing back? yeah Is there a guy who knows everything or almost everything about you? no If you could pack your bags right now and were given a plane ticket, where do you go? japan....... Have you ever given anyone more than three chances? LOL yes im How far away are you from the person you have feelings for? i don’t really have feelings for anyone but like 20km Your last ex calls wanting to hangout, what do you say? no Where were you at 2 this morning? in my bed talking on the foam Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name started with a K? yeah Have you accidentally sent a text to the wrong person? like once..... im a capricorn Last time you were TOTALLY happy? are we ever...... Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? probably not Ever given your all to someone who walked away? not my all but almost Have you ever done your makeup in class? yes Is there anything currently hurting on your body? yes How old were you when you stopped sleeping with a night light? i don’t remember Ever kissed someone with green eyes? yes Are you a jealous person? not really....sometimes i get jealous but it doesnt last When you are home alone, do you still close the door when you shower? no Are you mad at anyone right now? no Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level? reasonable Is there anyone you wish you could be spending time with right now? yeah Have you held hands with anyone in the past 30 hours? no Do you have a friend named Ashley? no How often do you sleep in? like once a week at most Will you be in a relationship next month? probably not Do you stay up later than ten o’clock on a week night? yes Who’s the last person you told a secret to? sophie Have you met someone in the last year who turned out to be amazing? yeah :) new friends!! Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? mayyyybe :P Do you miss anyone? yeah Would you rather have big or small dogs? medium size Will you cry tonight? mayyybe Do you have respect for people even if you don’t like them? depends :P What’s one fruit you love in drinks? raspberry! What was the most people you ever tripped in front of? i don’t know hahaha Have you ever tried wine? yes Can heartbreak happen all at once, or over a long period of time? both In your life, do you plan on visiting other countries? well yeah Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? no. Is there an ex you want to make up with? no Do you take compliments well? yes :)

Does cuddling freak you out? no unless it’s likeee someone i’m uncomfortable with in the first place How much time do you take to get ready in the morning? 15-20mins Do you love where you live? yeah :) What do you label yourself as? labels are for soup cans :) Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? idk !!! Will your next kiss be drunk or sober? only time will tell Are you a mean person? i don,t think so Do you wear high heels everyday? hell no Do you fall asleep texting every night? no Are you an aunt or an uncle? no Were you texting someone right before you fell asleep last night? no Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today? How many? yes i don’t remember Name someone who made you smile today? sophie Are you happy? yes :) Are you an alcoholic? no Can you go a day without thinking about the person that’s on your mind now? these days no..... Could you go the rest of your life without a cigarette? absolutely i plan to Does anyone know every little detail about you? no Does it bother you when someone lies to you? well duh What’s one thing you really want right now? many things :p Who all do you have texts from in your phone? a bunch of people Who do you trust most as of now? I like to think myself, but I don’t even know if I trust myself right now.

^^^ oh shit Who was the last person you took a picture with? melissa Do you have a younger sister? no Did anything “cute” happen today? yeah every time i saw my cute face in a mirror Are you wearing shoes right now? yes Have you ever just laid outside and looked at the stars? yeah :) Do feet gross you out? not really unless they’re gross Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? not really no Do you smile everyday? yes :) Who are you more like, mom or dad? MOM !!!!! Could you date someone shorter than you? yep Where do you wish you were right now? somewhere cushy :) Have a crazy side? LOL? Something you do a lot? werk Angry at anyone? no Describe your life in one word? life :p Who was the last person who gave you a hug? roommate What is your natural hair color? brown How many people have you kissed? can’t be bothered counting

How many of those did you make out with? can’t be bothered counting Ever kissed someone you weren’t dating at the time? yes Ever kissed someone you’d met less than an hour before? yes Of the people you’ve kissed, how many do you regret kissing? right now none cuz it doesnt matter, but a few of them ive regretted right after Were any of them in relationships with someone else at the time? yeah he told me that afterwards :( How old was the oldest person you’ve kissed? 39 How young was the youngest person you’ve kissed? she was like 14 (i was 15) Ever been kissed by a legal adult when you were a minor (or vise-versa)? yep Ever been kissed by someone you didn’t want to kiss? yes Ever been walked in on while you were making out with someone? i think so By your parents?: don’t think so Weirdest place you’ve kissed someone? (geographically, not physically) underwater in the pool and i choked to death Ever kissed someone and had someone else get really mad about it? uhhhh not that i can recall no Ever stopped kissing someone because they had bad breath? EWWW yeah :c Ever not known the name of someone you kissed? yeah Ever kissed someone on a dare/as part of a game? yeah Kissed someone you didn’t really like just to make someone else jealous? no Ever had a really horrible kissing experience? not really Ever been called a bad kisser? no !!! Ever called someone else a bad kisser? no Where’s the most public place you’ve ever made out with someone? the street, the subway, idk Where’s the most private place you’ve ever made out with someone? bathroom Ever kissed some out of pity just so they would stop badgering you? yep :( Ever kissed someone just to forget about someone else? yeah Ever thought of someone else while you were kissing someone? yeah Do you usually kiss on the first date? not usually but it happened

[dpargyle]

Winter of My Discontents

Alright, moving on –

So this is the first day of shit weather this year where I live.  It’s weird – growing up in New York I remember the seasons – but here we only have two – winter and construction.  It goes from 80 to 40 (F) in about a week – so yesterday was 75 and sunny and I could read outside and actually talk to people and today it’s 59 and rainy and cloudy and I just wanna set everything on fire.

I fucking hate it.

Kids – I fucking hate winter.  It glooms over you – and everything goes from bright and outside to monochrome and “fuck you.”  My wheelchair can’t go over the snow and it snows here from like the beginning of November to the middle of April and all of those months here I loathe.  Summer’s ok here but you’re still surrounded by religious lunatics.  

Nobody plows their fucking sidewalk in winter so I have to literally risk my life by driving my wheelchair in the middle of roads with cars in order to cross my own godsdamn street just to get food and now this year

my Dad wants me to come into the office three times a week.  

(So – to explain my work situation – OK – so technically I’m unemployed – and that’s cuz of the stupid fucking government who says like “oh you’re making above this much money as a person in a wheelchair?  Well in that case Medicaid isn’t gonna pay for your attendants to help you get up in the morning and go to bed at night (I’d need to make, like, 25k or so a year to afford that basically)” and also if you save literally one dollar more than $2,000 at one time on all your bank accounts combined we’ll also cut your Medicaid funding for the attendants and very expensive medical equipment (my chair costs 36k every 5 years) as well!” so I’m very much hamstrung by bureaucratic bullshit) –

so in order to get around all this nonsense – I (with the help of my family) am officially unemployed but I live in an apartment that’s technically rented by my Dad’s company – and in return I write and edit (and have been for like 6 years now) an e-magazine about the 3D Printing Industry (I don’t put my name on it though because again, government…) – which is kinda interesting and has allowed me to do both that and focus on my creative work as well – and I also do some freelance writing and one time an artistic thing for the company as well – (that money gets funneled to a bank account the government doesn’t know about) but mostly I’m glad I’ve had these jobs but they’re not…I don’t get excited about them.  I know other people might, but – I’m not one of them hahaha.  I really want to work creatively, but you know…)

In any case, while my Dad does run the main company as CEO he didn’t hire me – it wasn’t his idea – the owner of the company (who has lots of $$$) – after a year of me searching for jobs after college (very unsuccessfully) called me up one day and was like “you’re doing this for us now” and I needed to move out of my folks’ house ASAP so I was like “OK” –

But now my Dad wants me to come in to the office on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays – and I totally understand his reasoning (he’s trying to help me out) – he thinks that if I’m in the office other people there will involve me more in freelance-type work and I’ll be able to earn more $ - and this is probably true – and he also wants me to “get out of your warren” – cuz he knows my brother was basically the only person I interacted with socially in this entire city on any regular basis and now that he’s gone, well….

So my Dad seems to think being social with the other workers or something will be good for me? I mean maybe he’s right but I know everyone in there and they’re all super old and while they’re very nice I don’t have much in common with them and even if I did it’s still super awkward cuz I’m the boss’s son and it’s just awkward – I mean this is part of the reason why my brother left anyway – he worked there for three years but after those three years he was ready to not work at his Dad’s company anymore – and plus he and his wife fuckin hated Utah anyway and I don’t blame them at all I mostly hate it too haahahaha (cries)…

Though if I’m being honest anywhere I’d live I’d probably find all the flaws in real quick…

But maybe somewhere like California where actual things happen and I don’t have to fucking war against winter every year…

Cuz like I’ve tried the work many days a week with a commute in this city – and in summer it’s ok – there’s a very good tram-line system and I’m close to a station (for this purpose) – but in winter…

So for the first year I lived in Salt Lake I was working the magazine job and I was also working at the local Apple Store as well and that winter I literally nearly died commuting cuz I was super tired all the time (my fatigue tolerance level is super low) and dealing with customers and then doing the magazine job and then I was trying to write a book in my free time (it was the first one I wrote and it was complete shit but I’m proud of it cuz it was the first thing I’d ever finished) but I was basically operating at only 15% power and then one night I was on the train platform and there was ice and I slipped off it and half my wheelchair and I fell into the gap between the platform and the train and if that train operator hadn’t seen me he would’ve pulled out of the station and I woulda been warm meat paste…

(I nearly die at least six times a year…)

And that was the night I decided I’d quit that Apple job cuz no job is worth that hellish commute.

Even in subtler ways, though the winter is a killer for me here – there are days when the weather or the pressure changes and my right shoulder (the arm I drive my power wheelchair with) is in so much agony I can hardly move at all – and this lasts 2 or 3 days sometimes 4 –

and then they have these frikken godsforsaken mines here and we’re in this bowl-shaped valley so they mine all this dust into the air and so there’s this inversion here in winter and you can literally visibly see the dust in the air and your throat burns for like four months straight and it’s like the fuckin dust bowl or something god I hate unregulated red states…

And to top it all off, when I travel a lot in the cold my feet rub against my shoes which happened when I commuted to the apple store and by the end of that year I had sores on my heels that took 6 months to heal and in that time one of my best friends from high school died and I couldn’t travel to his funeral because I couldn’t even get out of my door and….I hated myself for that – I’d let him down (again.)

To be honest with you – when I first got offered that job at Apple I was so proud and happy and excited – I’d been looking for a job for a year after college and I looked everywhere – all over the world – in every industry I could think of – and there was just nothing.  Nobody even offered me an interview before they did – and I have self-esteem issues anyway so I started thinking – like – is it cuz I’m in a wheelchair?  Is that why nobody wants me?  (I really have issues dealing with any kind of rejection because of this…)

But then Apple came along and said “Yes!”  And I was like OMG this is amazing – I’m doing retail but it’s gonna be in an interesting (kind of) industry and I’m gonna work with young peeps like me and I’m gonna do creative stuff in my free time and slowly work my way up the ladder and I’m still young I got tons of time to do everything and be everywhere I wanna be going…and then the month before I had the job orientation with Apple my old high school friend had the sudden accident which would lead to his passing a few months later – and….nothing mattered like it had anymore…

He was hovering between life and death all the way in New York and I was in Utah doing…what? Selling expensive crap to rich Mormons? Nothing made sense anymore.  For six years before that point I’d been an insufferable evangelical Christian zealot – and although for two years my faith had been wavering due to me beginning to question its draconian teachings – at that point I still had it – but then this happened and very quickly what little faith I’d been holding onto died with my friend.  

I’m glad I’ve grown in my empathy and inclusiveness since then – but on the other hand, I feel I’ve lost something…

And then a month after my friend’s accident I had to present myself to Apple and be an enthusiastic team player filled with evangelism for the products and I just…I couldn’t do it…I remember that week so vividly too cuz that was the week George Lucas sold Lucasfilm to Disney and they announced they were doing MORE STAR WARS and I was like holy fuck that’s what I wanna do – maybe not necessarily Star Wars (though !!!) – but telling stories and weaving myths – and making a thing that MATTERED to people – that moved them and shook them and changed them and nourished them and gave them some godsdamned fucking hope in this unjust world…

But I was stuck here in Utah…

So I started writing that book and I pushed myself so incredibly hard cuz literally by that point it was the only thing that mattered to me and made sense – feeling like I’d been put on this Earth to make art and I wasn’t gonna waste anymore time because maybe I didn’t have anymore time, you know?

And like I couldn’t connect with my coworkers – they were my age but many of them were Mormons with whole families they were supporting and most of the rest (save for my good friend @soundscomplicated) – I just…it was hard to connect to.  In college I’d been surrounded by interesting people who challenged my brain and soul parts (at least sometimes – though academia drove me nuts) …but now….now I was stuck in the wasteland with no way out…

I finished the book and it was crap but at least I’d done something.  Then I made that personal safety decision to quit Apple and for the last four years I’ve been working from home…

And this past year or so I finally began to put it all together again maybe – my drawing skills were improving – I was writing another book that scared the crap outta me (but that was a good thing) – about a group of nerds who lost someone close to them and whose worlds were turned upside down as a result – where the protagonist was a kid in a wheelchair like me and for the first time I felt like I was writing something IMPORTANT that MATTERED that might move people – letting out all my pain and hope and regret and love -

But then I sent it out to potential agents and waited and waited and waited for months and months and literally none of them even sent me a solid rejection.  It was all just nothingness into the void.  I understand they get so many submissions though so I tried not to take it personally –

And I decided this story and these words that I’d finished were important enough for me to publish on Amazon – so I did – and it was one of the proudest moments of my life (this was back in April or so) but then – nobody bought it.  And it’s not like I expected to make out like gangbusters – I don’t know anything about marketing or being social media savvy (I mean just witness the godsdamned length of this friggen post hahaha) – but I thought at least everyone in my extended family would buy it – but nope. It sold like 11 copies.  Let’s just say I will love those 11 people forever but I just…

Like I’d killed myself over this fucking book.  I went down into the deepest parts of my soul and ripped them out for all the world to see – I didn’t do anything but this book.  I did my paying work for the company but hanging out with people other than my brother sometimes?  I didn’t have time.  I didn’t have the energy.

In the flesh connections are so hard and when you’re working on something you truly believe in – well – you feel compelled to WORK WORK WORK and where was I gonna meet people here anyway?  

This story mattered more than my own happiness.

And now that it hasn’t done well?  What was it all for?  Really? It’s not that I’m not totally effing proud of what came out – I am – probably more than any other art I’ve ever made – but…I dunno I guess I just have delusions of grandeur for myself…sometimes I feel like if I’m not Shakespeare – if I can’t support myself with my art – I’m a failure.  

I’ve failed.  My life has been a waste!

And then I sit back and I try to remind myself that’s an incredibly toxic and terrible way of thinking but at this point I literally can’t help it…

I don’t know what to work on next creatively.  And now I’m having to spend more time away from my creative stuff and I don’t want to – I really don’t give a shit about the meager extra money I’m gonna get by going into the office – I want those hours I’m gonna waste there back!  I don’t want to spend more hours not doing what I was born on this earth to do.

That probably sounds super privileged of me and I’m lucky to be where I am and blah blah blah but I just……and when the winter really comes and there’s snow on the ground I literally will not be able to go to the office (or even leave my apartment easily for that matter) and my Dad understands that – but I just…

Maybe I just don’t want to do that stuff anymore?  I’m probably coming across as a super lazy and ungrateful person – and I am, but…

I just don’t have many friends here anyway and spending energy on commuting is just not gonna help that at all and I see no way out and I’m literally crying as I type this and I want OUT OUT OUT so bad but I don’t know what that means or what that looks like and I am cold and scared and lonely and tired and

For the past month it’s been warm and sunny and I’ve had Blondie to distract me from all this pain and mounting mediocrity and it’s been nice cuz I haven’t really had a crush in the flesh since college – like literally the last girl I allowed myself to fall for is now married with two kids hahaha and that night I got my head stuck in the fridge and I didn’t say this in the original post but

I was literally kind of sobbing because my brother was leaving (he’s gone now) and I don’t have many good friends (especially here) and my book I cared so much about fucking crashed and burned and I put my fucking soul into that thing and it wasn’t good enough I’M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH and then my chair crapped out and I was about to die and I cried for like an hour (I haven’t cried like that in like seven years – since before my friend died) but then I stopped crying cuz Leia’s Theme came on my shuffle and it gave me some hope so instead of crying I was yelling and then somebody busted open my front door

And she was literally an angel and just sweet and all my everything just washed away and everything was OK but now – it’s just – that distraction is fading away and I am facing my reality and…

As with every winter here, I am growing restless…

[punishervinyl]

going to be obvious and say: sora and noctis!

aaa thank u i love these boys smSoraWhat they smell like: like when you’re at the beach and the air is salty and just. smells like the sea.How they sleep (sleeping position, schedule, etc): i think he is a very restless sleeper, like he’s just rolling around and tossing n turning all night, not for any bad reasons but just cuz he’s that wayWhat music they enjoy: somethin happy! prolly a lot of today’s hits stuff tbh? just jams, he’s not into super deep stuff? he likes happy pop music he can dance to like a dorkHow much time they spend getting ready every morning: like 3 mins i bet he doesnt even try like, have u seen his hairTheir favorite thing to collect: seashells i think!Left or right-handed: uhhh. dunno? idk if any of thts canon im assuming right-handedReligion (if any): ??????Favorite sport: volleyball??? like by the beach igFavorite touristy thing to do when traveling (museums, local food, sightseeing, etc): eating foooooddd, taking nerdy pictures w his friendsFavorite kind of weather: sunshine!A weird/obscure fear they have: oh man hdfjgdj idk? im sure theres somethin i can’t think of it rnThe carnival/arcade game they always win without fail: i dont think sora’s v good at them i bet he makes riku win him stuff Noctis What they smell like: he prolly wears like. rly nice cologne thts rly fancy... cuz he’s the Prince (tm) (but not too much of it) but i think he just has. a nice smell. like a cool cozy smell.How they sleep (sleeping position, schedule, etc): i think he sleeps a little curled up, with his hand under his pillow and he doesn’t really move that muchWhat music they enjoy: i think he likes chill stuff, like bon iver or daughter, but he also likes nice happy jams but nothing too annoyingHow much time they spend getting ready every morning: hmm prolly a good amount of time, i’d assume as a prince he’d just have to take care of himself yno? have a good impression/presentation even if he didn’t want toTheir favorite thing to collect: uhh sylleblossoms? Left or right-handed: IDK HFGJGReligion (if any): ???Favorite sport: oh man i knew this but i forgot fuccFavorite touristy thing to do when traveling (museums, local food, sightseeing, etc): food!!!!!!!!!!!! but also sightseeing and he likes letting prompto take lots of pictures (cuz lets b honest prompto is prolly usually with him)Favorite kind of weather: hmmm i don’t think he likes it too sunny and hot but not dark n cloudy either? and he likes when he can see the stars at night.A weird/obscure fear they have: uhh spiders maybe?? bugs?? thats just me projecting tbhThe carnival/arcade game they always win without fail: asdgkdfkdl im tryin to remember games from the carnival in game but i caNT REMEMBER,, idk damn

Send me an OC/Character and I’ll write my headcanons!