#not a judgement or me being hostile just personal preference

[sparky-is-spiders]

We talked about making it

I'm sorry that you never made it

And it pains me just to hear you have to say it

You knew the game and played it

It kills to know that you have been defeated

I see the wires pulling while you're breathing

You knew you had a reason

It killed you like diseases

I can hear it in your voice while your speaking you can't be treated

Mr. Know-it-all had his reign and his fall

At least that's what his brain is telling all

If he said help me kill the president

I'd say he needs medicine

Sick of screaming let us in

The wires got the best of him

All that he invested in goes

Straight to hell

Straight to hell

Wires - The Neighbourhood

(Obligatory no j//mart or martin in reblogs or comments please)

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I'm having a lot of feelings in the wake of my trip to the ER again this week and like. I don't really have the capacity yet to fully flesh it out but at least part of it is: I have watched national stage trans rights orgs categorize my home state as increasingly dangerous and hostile to my trans existence and while I don't doubt the metrics they're using to assert this, it also doesn't escape me that my life here has been the safest amd most accepting (of ALL of me, not just of my gender) I've ever experienced despite a lifetime of living in "Blue" states.

It was a hospital in "Blue" Portland, Oregon thaf barred my step mother from my room on the ward even with my mother's and my explicit consent because Oregon refused to recognize my parents' marriage license and so they didn't consider her family.

It was a "Blue" district in "Blue" Northern California where my mother used to wake me in the middle of the night and crawl with me to the bathroom to tuck me into the porcelain and cast iron tub there because it was a room at the center of our house with no windows or external walls and there were armed skinheads outside again.

It was a "Blue" township in "Blue" Massachusetts where cops near on broke down our living room door and hauled my wife to jail in handcuffs at 9pm on a Saturday night because of a missed traffic court date, leaving us both traumatized and fleeing a home we'd lived in for two years because of the legal consequences and continued frightening encounters with the arresting officers who worked at the police station a block away.

It was in the heart of Smith College territory where my wife had to sleep with a an automotive wrench near our bed for six months because of domestic disputes with roommates the police literally told her they would arrest her for defending herself within, where near on every person we met would look at me while talking to my wife because they LITERALLY COULDN'T LOOK A BLACK TRANS WOMAN IN THE EYE

Meanwhile, my time in a "Red" state has been filled with people who remember my wife and chat with her at the local coffee shop, where my transition and hers have been fully supported and accommodated by our care teams. Where people have welcomed us and treated us like community and visibly stood quiet watch over us whenever they knew someone was in the vicinity who might wish us harm. The racists here who harass my wife do it in the shadows where they think no one else will see because they are more afraid of the judgement and reaction of our neighbors than they are motivated to humiliate or harm her. The transphobes who give me shit here won't do it unless they think no one will overhear because they know that I have family in the area and that makes them TERRIFIED of angering community members they respect. I have never experienced this kind of safety in any of the so-called progressive spaces I spent my life in.

I have continued to experience safety and welcome and coexistence here in ways I simply do not and have not in places that prided themselves on being on the right side of history. It is therefore difficult for me to watch the world I just left, a world that has ALWAYS failed me, a world that fundamentally prefers prescriptivist morality to practical or functional morality, demonize this genuinely very loving place.

Some conversations happened among us ER waiting room patients, every one of us poor, every one of us desperate for ourselves or someone we loved, every one of us exhausted from having literally waited until after business hours on a Friday night to get medical care because we all instinctively knew we could not afford to be hospitalized during the work week. They were.......sensitive and vulnerable, and were had with full throats and no fear, nothing but a shared solidarity and desire to understand our own community through the people that make it up. We were clearly all of us at different points on the political spectrum, and whenever someone dipped into dogwhistle that rankled someone else, we would all pull back, rephrase with our own words, and immediately the tone of the conversation would settle and shift and continue. We moved through so many different topics, all of them "politically controversial" from homelessness, to public health policy, to the economy, to education. And in the end, we.....we all agreed. Not just on what we wanted, but on HOW we wanted it to happen. It turns out that if you put a dozen people who are in community with each other alone in a room where they are waiting to have their needs met, they will talk about those needs, and it turns out that most of them all need the same things in the same ways and KNOW that they need those things but have learned others DON'T. The reminder, human and staring them in the face, that every human being needs those things, is often enough.

Like I said, none of this is coherent right now, and I definitely don't have a point. But there's something in the experience of it all for me that matters.

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Can I request a match up for Baldur's Gate 3 & Castlevania (Netflix) please?

My personality : I'm shy, timid, quiet & polite to strangers. With people I'm comfortable with, I'm loud, outgoing, playful, mature, responsible, motherly(to naughty friends), childlike(to mature friends/family) and sarcastic (unintentionally).

I'm kinda tomboyish as I wear over-sized t-shirts, baggy pants, sneakers but don't play sports or video games. I'm a slow learner, not smart, not strong, and not talented.

I'm pretty dense, straightforward, oblivious, and naive too.I get confused or misunderstand what people meant easily so it's best if you tell me straight to my face so I can't be mistaken. I'm also touch starved as I love giving & receiving affection but I only can hug one person and even then, I do my best to not overdo it.

I'm a hopeless romantic, sensitive, forgetful, & overthink often. I work as hard as I can & try my best & be careful as I can to everything I do, as I'm pretty clumsy & makes mistakes more often than most people. I try to help my family and friends as they've helped me & cared for me dearly.

I try to communicate properly & ask for their consent first before doing anything because I misunderstood that I had their permission before. I do my best to give people the benefit of doubt but I do have my limits. I don't really get angry often that even my family & friends are surprised when it happens once in a blue moon.

I don't believe in compliments I get occasionally or why my family & friends care for me because I don't see good things in myself only bad things.

I'm kinda perverted which contrasts my innocent & baby face. I keep it to myself though. I always need to let the cinema employees check my identity card to verify my age whenever I watch a R-rated movie.

Although a kind stranger realises I'm older than I looked when we talked about how I didn't lashed out in anger at someone who didn't do anything wrong to me because I know how it felt to be in that position.

Best attributes : None

Worst attributes : unintentionally sarcastic, not smart, not strong, dense, oblivious, naive, sensitive, overthinks a lot, clumsy, misunderstand easily, get confused easily, forgetful,unreliable. That's more but that's all I could think of.

Hobbies : drawing, reading manga, listening to music, fanfics especially reader inserts, and watching anime, movies, & cartoons. My favourite genre is romance but I love comedy, mystery, action, sci-fi, fantasy, and historical too! My favourite music genre is pop, but I also love ballads, & alternative rock!

Likes : music, fanfiction, manga, anime, cartoons, books (If I find it interesting), family, friends, potato chips, chocolate, cakes, bread, anyone who is kind, patient, supportive, helpful, tries at least, trustworthy, responsible, fair in general, respectful, flexible, honest, open-minded, humble, sincere, accepting, thoughtful, encouraging, forgiving, careful, understanding, wise, mature, cooperative, caring, etc. That's more but that's all I could think of.

Dislikes : anyone who's rude, disrespectful, doesn't listen to others, refuse to admit mistakes, blames others for their mistakes, ignores people yet demands attention from them, demanding, won't acknowledge what you said, hypocritical, biased, irresponsible, careless, disloyal, inconsiderate, insensitive, inflexible, petty, hostile, untrustworthy, immature, uncooperative, unforgiving, judgemental, narrow-minded, self-centred, unethical, self-righteous, etc. That's more but that's all I could think of.

MBTI : INFP-T

Preferred gender result : Male except Raphael, Emperor, Cazador, Thorm, and the Withers!

I'm open whether it's a poly or a monogomous answer.

Please & thank you!

A/N: Okay, first let me just say, HOLY SHIT, this is such a detailed ask! Thank you for being so specific as it really helps the matchup process! Secondly, I would like to say, OF COURSE YOU HAVE BEST ATTRIBUTES! You say so yourself, silly! You’re caring and considerate (always looking for consent, and giving people the benefit of the doubt), you’re hard-working (you try your best even though you’re clumsy and make mistakes often), and you’re extremely considerate, responsible, and self-aware (having this sense of duty to care for your family as they’ve cared for you in the past). 

I know it can be challenging to believe in yourself, god knows I don’t all of the time. But I just wanted to tell you that just by reading this I can tell you you’re an INCREDIBLE person worthy of all such love, friendship, respect, and happiness. And I wish for all of that for you. People give you compliments because they love you, and they want you to love yourself. I know we’re still technically strangers, but from this, I can tell you’re a brilliant, responsible, and empathetic young lady; I would feel proud to call you a friend. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk, okay?

Okay… Sorry. Mushy rant over. On to the matchups!

For you my Unconvinced Anon, I think your best matches are Halsin (BG3) and Hector (Castlevania)!

Your BG3 Matchup: 

Halsin would be a great match for you! He’s kind and wise, and very soft-spoken. You’re extremely compatible as Halsin is fairly intuitive when it comes to feelings and relationships, so even if you are forgetful or misunderstood, it’s no matter. 

Halsin is also very forward and direct in telling people how he feels and what he wants. Some people (and some game players) can find this to be offensive. But Halsin does not intend to offend or overstep. And should you tell him to please reel it in, he will gladly do so. You too mention how you are often unintentionally sarcastic and straightforward. Halsin is someone who greatly appreciates this level of honesty in a partner. He finds it preferable to those who would play games or beat around the bush with their feelings. 

Halsin also likes your style. Druids tend to appreciate function over form in most that they do, and clothing is no exception. So long as you are comfortable, and covered enough to not break any public indecency laws, Halsin doesn’t care that you aren’t wearing flower skirts or embroidered coats. What works for you, works for him. Although yes, he still doesn’t see a big deal with people walking around naked. He’d fit right in at a nudist colony that’s for sure lol. But he understands not everyone is as comfortable with nudeness as he is, so he promises to remain clothed unless you would ask otherwise of him ;) 

Halsin appreciates your more mature, motherly nature. Especially since he can use all of the help he can get teaching and sort of parenting all of the orphans he’s taken into his new settlement, outside of the city. He admires how you inspire the children to be honest and kind in their actions, even when it may get them into trouble. You lead by example, and to Halsin, there simply is no better way to lead. 

He also rather enjoys your naughtier side. Gods know he certainly has one. And it’s always a comfort to find someone with an open mind surrounding such adult or perverse subjects as opposed to someone who would be judgemental and stick up their nose. 

Halsin is also very understanding when it comes to physical boundaries. Yes, he would love to be intimate with you, as well as hold you or cuddle during the long cold nights. But he also understands that not everyone is as friendly to touch as he is, so he will always ask for permission before touching you or hugging or kissing you. And who knows? Maybe in time the two of you can work through baby steps to a level where you feel comfortable with him touching you. Don’t worry, however, Halsin will still make a point to check in with you first. And if you don’t ever feel overly touchy, that’s fine too. Halsin enjoys your company just as much. 

However, Halsin does take a small issue with you not believing you have ‘best qualities’, as you said. He thinks you’re full of great qualities! He loves how excited you get when you talk about the latest historical romance novel you’ve read. He loves how considerate you are, especially when it comes to speaking to the children or irritated people, and how you don’t immediately assume the worst of them. He thinks it admirable. 

Halsin is an ENFJ (at least in my opinion), so when you are introverted, he’s extroverted. If you’re around unfamiliar people and feeling shy, he’ll do the talking for you, no problem. Halsin’s extroversion is also great for you because it can push you out of your comfort zone, and into trying new things and meeting new people. He’s always bragging about you, how incredible he thinks you are. And he proudly shows off the drawings you allow him to share. He just can’t help but beam when it comes to you. 

On the other hand, you’re both NFs (Intuitive Feelers), so you end up creating a very soft, and understanding harmonious relationship. You’re both highly empathetic and compassionate, so once you’re in a relationship together, you can stay in it for the long haul. You believe in working things out via communication and love. ENFJs are also driven by a need to be better, whereas you as an INFP, are driven by a sense of responsibility to do something important. The two of you understand that life is about those around you, not just about yourself. Your combined selflessness makes you the perfect couple!

And don’t tell him I said this, but get a few drinks in him and Halsin will reveal that he actually has a decent singing voice. Let him serenade you with old druidic ballads about the land and love and nature’s greatest creations. Just try not to blush too hard when he stops the song to inform you that in his eyes, YOU are nature’s greatest creation. 

Your Castlevania Matchup: 

Hector would be another wonderful match for you! He’s more on the quiet side, but once he develops a relationship with someone, he does open up and show off a more witty sort of dark-humored funny side. 

In the early seasons, Hector is also rather naive, almost childlike in his understanding of the world and the figures around them. He takes everyone at face value, not bothering to wonder if there’s something unsaid lying just beneath a conversation or agreement’s surface. Of course, once he is tricked by Carmilla into betraying Dracula, much of that changes. Sure, the childlike wonder and innocence Hector has for all of his undead animal creations is still there, but he’s matured. He’s learned. 

Hector would be a good match for you because he understands what it means to go through life not quite understanding what people are saying, and what’s more, being an outcast because of it. He will do his best to be direct/straightforward when talking to you because he knows you need it, and because he’s learned that when it comes to the people you love, honestly, however painful it may be in the short run, is the best policy in the long run. A temporary bruised pride or ego is nothing compared to the scar left by a former relationship that was ultimately built on lies. 

Hector also has a very distinct fashion sense. I mean, have you seen his hair? He’s gorgeous with that hair and skin and he doesn’t mind that others know it. He likes your more relaxed style. In Dracula’s court, he and Issac were always under such pressure to look clean-cut and important. It’s nice to be able to relax and not worry about his manner of dress when you’re around. 

And if anyone is touch starved, oh my god, it’s this man. Sure he had some experiences in the past, and then he spent a short while with Lenore, but it wasn’t the same. It didn’t mean what he wanted it to. It was all an illusion and a fleeting one at that. Hector doesn’t know what it means to feel a lover’s touch. He’s completely inexperienced in that department. He’s no stranger to sex, but what of softness and tenderness beyond that? Has he ever had one of those incredibly comforting bear hugs, the ones where both people wish they could stay there, holding onto one another for eternity? Has he ever sat next to his lover on the couch, their thighs just barely brushing up against one another, and felt safe, felt at home? Hector doesn’t know whether or not he’s touch-averse because touch is foreign to him. The two of you would get to learn together where each of your boundaries are, and how each of you would need to be touched to feel loved. The great bit is you’d be discovering all of that together. 

I would also argue that early seasons Hector, and even later Hector is a hopeless romantic. Not necessarily in the lovey-dovey sort of way, but in the looking to the future with rose-colored-glasses sort of way. His vision for Dracula’s future was certainly much more lush than what Dracula suggested. And his view of summoning souls into corpses in his forge-mastery is also clouded by this sort of soft, glamourized view. 

The other thing you have in common with Hector seems to be this recurring theme that you need to be or should be better for the people you love. Hector has a fair amount of guilt for doing what he did, with choosing to believe Carmilla over Dracula, with not understanding the true scope of either of the vampire’s plans. He feels like he let Dracula, Issac, vampire society, and humanity down. I can sort of hear a similar thing in your writing. Now, I don’t know the reason for you feeling this way, so I can’t relate it to Hector’s internal justification, but I can confidently say this: he understands, probably more than anyone, why you feel this way. He sees the way you shrug off his compliments, how you don’t seem to believe him when he says he’s proud of you and so happy he gets to share his second shot at life with you. He knows it will take time, but he won’t stop reminding you that, to him, you are beyond incredible. And he’s so unbelievably fortunate to have met you. 

In the past humans have treated him horribly. They’ve been all the things you dislike: closed-minded, judgemental, hypocritical, superiorly indignant… They cast him out. But you, you’re so kind, and considerate, empathetic, and humble. You are living proof that humans can be more than cruel and closed off- you’re the best humanity has to offer. Hector can’t believe he almost condemned someone like you, and the other side of humanity that you represent, to death. Knowing you, he swears he will never make a mistake like that again: no ignorant group judgments from here on out. 

Plus Hector is (in my opinion), an INTP. With you being an INFP, you’re both introverts who enjoy the quiet. The big difference is that you are an Intuitive Feeler, he’s an Intuitive Thinker, so he tends to be driven more by logic and facts rather than emotions. In some cases, this may result in Hector not quite understanding why you react to something because he’s looking at it from a distanced, scientific view. He may come off as critical at times because of this, but I believe his more recent experiences have taught him the importance of communication. As long as the two of you are willing, you should be able to talk these disagreements or misunderstandings out. It’s also great for him because you keep teaching him that some choices cannot be logically quantified, there’s no clear-cut rationale behind them. In a lot of instances, choosing to be kind doesn’t make sense: it doesn’t follow any specific rules or purpose, but it’s the right thing to do. Your unique approach to thinking about life and people and problem-solving pushes Hector to become more aware and compassionate when it comes to his fellow man. 

Plus, with his plans to write a book, and your love for interesting reading, Hector would love nothing more than for you to enjoy his writing, and offer any feedback you’d have. He values your opinion, your company, your… Well, everything. You mean the world to him. 

The two of you get to live a kind, peaceful life, with your friends, family, and of course, your own little army of undead pets to keep you company.  

A/N: Holy fricken shit this answer is 2,000 words long! Whoops. My apologies. It kind of got away from me a little bit lol. I just want to reiterate for other readers, this isn’t my norm. These matchups are intended to be shorter. But this Anon here sounded like they could use some cheering up, so my creative juices jumped into hyperdrive. 

If you enjoyed, don’t forget to like and REBLOG! Likes are nice, but reblogs are extra nice! 

As always, please consider tipping me via Kofi! 

[unbloomingmoonflower]

As someone who is also consumed by BG3, I have absolutely no judgements here. In fact, I’m quite eager to hear about all those little brain worms in your head.

LASDHASLKFHSHFSKHFSHFSFJSKDKfh OKAY AND I'M SORRY IF I TOTALLY JUST DUMP SOME IDEAS/INFOS ABOUT MY CHARACTERS.

So one of the brain worms I was having, whilst trying to do research on whether it has significant meaning among the Tieflings themselves, is how my Tiefling bard Nelia lacks in having prominent horns. Essentially, she just has a really scaley base on her head (which I found very similar in pattern to face 2 Au Ra for FFXIV!) that I'm thinking that maybe she filed them down herself so that she's treated with less hostility for just being a Tiefling. My brainworm idea for her is that she left the Nine Hells and just simply wants to use music to make people smile. I also want Nelia to smooch somebody and I have no idea whomst.

I debated on making an alternate campaign for a male character--my initial campaign lead, Rieta's younger brother. I don't have a name for him yet, but canonically (outside of BG3), he hates his older sister and has every intense need to end her life. I don't know how he'd more or less fit with BG3, but I think he'd be more inclined to helping other Tieflings in the game if anything.

I also have ideas for my human druid, Ava! Ava belongs to the Circle of the Moon and can prefers to transform into a wolf. She's pretty jovial in nature and can definitely talk druid-to-druid if necessary in her group. I have ideas of her going outside of her Circle to see the rest of the realm. To become more worldly, so to speak.

Rieta is my main girl. I was playing regular DnD with her with my boyfriend and in her canon, she's in love with a Dragonborn. Since I can't romance another person's character in BG3 (I cry), her solo campaign has her trying to romance our favorite vampire. In a multiplayer campaign, with the bf ofc, she's with her favorite Dragonborn. Rieta's been changed to fighter class right now becauseI need to tank some damage in the game and having two rogues is really fucking me up lmao. Also Rieta's a bit of an asshole. Not entirely. But a bit.

There's just so much in BG3 that I have yet to explore and just build and I'm just...like, I haven't been this excited about a game since FFXIV, and I'm suffering burnout from it (still love FFXIV, mind you. But I had zero motivation to play it). Playing BG3 and actually enjoying it has been such a breath of fresh air.

Also, also! You can tell me about your brainworms too! Or just anything you like about BG3!

[rise-my-angel]

I think it is so frustrating and sad you have to not even tag things to avoid getting hate like adding anti tags should be enough but even then I just don’t understand why people are so so so sensitive about opposing opinions. I have a more nuanced opinion of Dany than 99% of Dany fans in that I acknowledge her darkness although I also don’t fully agree with everything you said about her. It’s not worth writing it up bc that’s not the point of this ask (long story short I think she’s inclined to violence at first but we see her being sickened by the memory of it aside from burning MMD which is a special case I could talk at length about, and I am intrigued by that conflict within her character). And I am so wholly unbothered by your interpretation and opinion of the character. I like your content a lot and it’s nice to be able to read opinions that conflict with mine mixed in with things I agree with and I honestly don’t understand why other people don’t feel the same way. Which isn’t judgement. People are allowed to want to see only things they agree with. But it is so foreign to me. We are talking about a book series here.

As an entirely unrelated side question: do you have a post anywhere talking about the reader in your fic or have you left her as more of a blank slate? I’ve never been interested in x reader fic but I love Jon and want to read yours but what I worry about x reader content is that the reader won’t be enough of a blank slate. I am also simply curious about what you have thought up about her whether or not the fic ends up being for me

I'm totally fine with other opinons, but I have had issues before of being harassed over my opinons of Dany before and I would rather not tempt fate because it was pretty brutal last time. I also don't enjoy debate, because I don't use my blog as a platform to entertain that kind of discussion, I like open minded discussion of similar ideas and using different opinons to explain my side. But I do not wish to have a back and forth of totally disagreeing sides, that is not fun to me that gives me anxiety.

I'm fine with people thinking my interpretation of Dany is overly extreme, because I do understand what about her people like and why one may disagree. But debating someone about those issues isn't why I like talking about her. I like exploring a character not defending why I have a stance over and over again. But Dany stans have been unforgiving in the past and I don't want to risk it. And I don't want to platform debates and hostile arguments on this blog.

I made a Sansa post earlier which stemmed from someone whom I follow that made a point I did not agree with, but I did not go directly to them or add to their post. I made my own as to not be negative in a space talking positively about a character or subject. I dont belive in hijacking someones post to argue against what they are saying or going into there inbox to yell at them for it either, I dont think it is a productive way to get your point across. I prefer making my own posts where I can logically display my opinions and why in a well thought out manner, not argue with someone personally.

But Dany stans are not fond of me, and so I sometimes don't tag at all, soley out of anxiey because having a barrage of disagreeing opinions angry in my inbox insulting and demeaning me was what happened last time. So I avoid it to not create a hostile enviroment for my own followers as well.

As for my story, I appreciate you expressing interest but I cannot speak as to the degree of a blank slate reader. I try to not inundate the story with an overly vocal or overly involved reader, I try to blend her into the background of the story without being obtrusive or give her to strong of a vivid personality, but the reader does have a character consistency throughout.

I would suggest reading a little bit of the first chapter, because its pretty indicative of the style in which I portray the reader and make your decision from there. I don't want to mislead you one way or another but the first few scenes should give you a solid idea as to if it is your cup of tea or not.

Either way, thank you for your message I appreciate when someone who thinks differently then I do does not see the value in personally attacking someone for it, and expressing interest in my story, if you read it or not I am flattered either way you are very kind!

[brittanyautumn333]

Low-key desire the following in a partner:

- the ability to be vulnerable and not feel judged. I’m not going to lie, sometimes I struggle with being judge mental myself. But a lot of my “judgements” are conclusions based on experience. I don’t make sweeping generalizations on topics that have not affected me negatively previously. I’m still learning, and I take criticism very well. I’d love for my partner to feel comfortable enough to offer criticism to help me better myself and offer other perspectives. I’m always down to learn.

- A foodie. I love food. All food. Can we get a snack?

- A lifetime learner. Open-minded. Inquisitive. Curious about weird shit.

- Has unique hobbies and interests. It’s always cool to see people collect stuff too. Anything off of the phone or TV. Let’s play a board game or a card game.

- semi-outdoorsy. I enjoy camping, the beach, and walking. Fresh air is so nice. I’d love to just enjoy the quiet outdoors with someone close to me. I’ve always wanted to go on a picnic or something (lameeee, I know).

- TRAVEL. PLEASE WANT TO MAKE PLANS WITH ME TO DO NEW SHIT IN NEW PLACES.

- Understands my need for space and quiet, and doesn’t take it personally. I read and write regularly, sometimes I like to do it alone so I can concentrate. I need space to give myself mental rest, clarity, and center myself. I can really get in touch with my emotions when I’m alone.

- Must. Be. Confident. There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. I identify this based on how they treat others. Someone who is arrogant has to prove their confidence by exuding power and negative intensity over others. The truly confident don’t need power, they need peace. I do NOT enjoy very needy partners who cannot sustain a relationship without verbal reassurance. This is not to say that I am not affectionate. I will always give reassurance. I just HATE my hand being forced to do so. Please let me show love naturally. It will come if it is allowed to blossom on its own.

- Please don’t be mean 😭😭😭 I am SUPER non confrontational. That is not to say I don’t have disagreements. I just prefer to handle things calmly and in the moment. I don’t ever raise my voice. Ever. I’ll walk away and come back when I’m calm if I get overwhelmed before I’m unkind to someone I love. I don’t let things build up. I am incredibly direct, so a lot of people get the impression that I am hostile and hard to approach.

#369

[e-m-p-error]

[ 🫀 ] does your muse make decisions with their head or their heart? perhaps a bit of both?

[ 🏉 ] would you say your muse lives up to their potential? are they trying to, or could they care less?

[ 💥 ] is your muse protective of those they care for? if so, how do they show it?

[ 👓 ] does your muse tend to judge others, or are they more open-minded?

[ 💍 ] does your muse have trouble committing to others? are they comfortable being this way, or would they prefer to be different? {{ Val and Crim. }}

  headcanon memes inspired by things i like, part 3

[ Crimson ]

[ 🫀 ] does your muse make decisions with their head or their heart? perhaps a bit of both?

Crim likes to say he makes decisions with his head, but his heart definitely worms in there sometimes. He's very impulsive when he's angry.

[ 🏉 ] would you say your muse lives up to their potential? are they trying to, or could they care less?

He definitely lives up to his potential, though his path is one that draws criticism. It is definitely deserved, but he lives in his cruelty shamelessly and rarely backs down from a challenge. He does try to be the best mafioso he can be.

[ 💥 ] is your muse protective of those they care for? if so, how do they show it?

He is very protective of people he cares about. Most of it comes out when they are in physical danger, he will do anything he can to get them to safety.

[ 👓 ] does your muse tend to judge others, or are they more open-minded?

He's very, very judgemental and a major hypocrite, too.

[ 💍 ] does your muse have trouble committing to others? are they comfortable being this way, or would they prefer to be different?

If the person is someone that he cares about or is in his mafia family, then he will commit to them loyally and without question. However, he will drop them if they prove untrustworthy. He is comfortable with how he commits to others.

[ Valentino ]

[ 🫀 ] does your muse make decisions with their head or their heart? perhaps a bit of both?

Mostly with his heart, but he'll claim he does it with his head. His most intelligent decisions are made in part with Vox's influence, because he's very impulsive even in situations where he has ample time to think things through.

[ 🏉 ] would you say your muse lives up to their potential? are they trying to, or could they care less?

He could be better. He thinks that he is living up to his potential, but he makes a lot of roadblocks for himself with his habits and how he believes the world works. As such, he's sort of trying but he isn't doing a very good job of it.

[ 💥 ] is your muse protective of those they care for? if so, how do they show it?

He is very protective. He becomes intensely violent when people he cares about are threatened. He also will go out of his way to take care of them in their day-to-day lives. He makes sure that those he loves are eating, drinking, sleeping, taking care of their needs as well as whatever they are doing. He also maintains that sex is important, too, and makes them make time for him and his horny nature.

[ 👓 ] does your muse tend to judge others, or are they more open-minded?

OH, he is so judgemental. He is judging you right now. He is judging me right now. He is judging everyone right now constantly always.

[ 💍 ] does your muse have trouble committing to others? are they comfortable being this way, or would they prefer to be different?

He's terrified of committing to people fully, and he hates it. He is very insecure in romantic relationships and he tends to push people away when they're getting too close. If he feels as though someone is lying to him about their feelings for him, he becomes even more hostile than he does just by being treated like he's special. He occasionally has panic attacks when he's told "I love you."

[snuuufi]

i’ve been called a freak, in all seriousness, for mounting my toilet paper the “wrong way.” people, unprovoked, have been incredibly rude to me when they find out i put sour cream or fish on my pancakes. whenever a ‘what do you consider too cold/too hot’ poll makes its rounds here on tumblr, people flood the tags and replies with incredible condescension towards heat sensitive people. the poly partner poll (plenty has been said, i don't need to chip in). even the recent ‘when are you showing up to the party’ poll is full of people passing extreme judgement on something that is a fairly well studied cultural phenomenon

if you show up to a polychronic person's party “on time” you will be the weird one!! nothing will be set up and no one will be there! and the hostility on that one is sooo frustrating because a) it is racist b) it is racist and c) you can literally just ask when the host *actually* expects people to show up. you can bypass this point of frustration entirely!

i know tumblr is the usa dot com website and maybe not a lot of people knew this, but even then... why are so many people just casually being rude, small-minded, and mean spirited? like is anyone else seeing this? hello??? if you're going to ask people about their subjective experiences or preferences, don't get mad when it doesn’t match yours! subjectivity is literally baked into the question!!!!!!! insane

maybe i’m just getting old, but i’ve grown really hateful of “debates” over subjective experiences or just straight up preferences or cultural norms. so many people who assign themselves to one side of the “debate” are often just so unreasonably judgemental and hateful towards the other, and i’m just baffled that we keep acting like that is in any way normal or okay

[tianshiisdead]

Re: your post about cultural appropriation, I have a few things I want to ask/get your take on? Firstly, "the people who are uncomfortable shouldn’t be ignored" I understand this and agree, and at the same time I can't help but think, doesn't that kinda basically mean "Don't do it or you're an asshole" in the end? Because there will always be people uncomfortable with it, especially in the age of the internet where even private gatherings can have pictures posted publicly, etc? Secondly, even if you're invited by Chinese people (in some cases FAMILY members) to wear it in a specific situation, if others know about it and take issue, you'll still be criticized as a disrespectful colonizer (if you're from or look like you're from NA/UK, but sometimes even when you're not), and you can't even say "This was shared with me/I was invited to" because that comes off as a "My Chinese friend" kinda argument. Also in conversations I've had w mainlanders, many seem to feel like they're not allowed to have a say about their own culture in these conversations in international circles, bc many diaspora are trying to make rules about it, and shut them down w 'you don't understand bc you're not affected by racism' (which is not at ALL true, even tho its different) and even tho they dont dismiss the pain of the diaspora experience, they feel very frustrated by diaspora trying to claim authority over their culture. (Which is made worse by many diaspora not even understanding or respecting China themselves) (sidenote this is an experience that seems to be shared by MANY mainland/diaspora relationships, not just China) And I just wonder if this is possibly another instance of a very common thing online these days, where people feel they have to turn their personal feelings about something into a strict idea of morality by which they expect everyone to follow, else they be labeled racist. But just because their feelings and experiences are important and valid does not mean they are universal. So they're probably not a good basis to be making moral judgements by. Idk if I'm making any sense at this point. It's a complicated topic I've had a lot of thoughts about that I kinda wanted to share and talk about so that I can develop my understanding of it, but it's hard. I just wish we could have more civil conversations about it. I understand it's sensitive but I don't think people being hostile about it is going to help anyone, and it's very disheartening. Because shutting down conversation and arguing and harassing and gatekeeping is only creating more division. It's the very opposite of cultivating understanding and unity. And I do think the latter is the only way meaningful progress can really be made.

Hi! This is a pretty complicated issue, I'll try to answer one by one but I might ramble a little.

First, to clarify, I originally made my post because I follow a few prominent diaspora hanfu fashion blogs/channels/tiktoks and some of them have drawn pretty clear lines on what they consider acceptable VS appropriation, yet they get constant non asian people in the comments insulting them and saying things like 'well I think it's totally okay to wear hanfu whenever stop gatekeeping', and that is never okay. To go into an asian person's space where they share parts of their culture and talk over them on what they can or can't do right in that space is incredibly rude, and it's frustrating to see so many people ignoring diaspora voices or wielding 'I heard this from a mainlander' to discredit what a diaspora says. We are no less 'asian' than mainlanders. I've seen too many situations where these creators repeatedly make their stance clear but still get people complaining in their comments and such - it's always preferable to block and move on if you disagree rather than harass someone who's made it clear they don't care to have this conversation (which they are not obligated to have). In general, it costs nothing to not harass marginalized people about what you're allowed or not allowed to do regarding their culture when they've made their stance and frustrations clear.

This got pretty long (sorry) so my answer is under the read more

Disclaimer: everything I say is my opinion formed from my experiences, which doesn't invalidate any other person's feelings on appropriation of their culture. It's a complicated issue and people are allowed to have strong feelings about it. Other people might be stricter or less strict and that's okay, no one can solve the issue with a single post and no one should make themselves the single spokesperson of an issue that affects so many people. This is just my take on it.

First question! In my opinion, it's a situation where 'people's discomfort should be listened to if they voice it' not 'never do anything ever for fear of being seen by someone who would be uncomfortable'. There are obviously plenty of situations where a non Chinese person might be invited to wear hanfu, or a non Chinese person might do research and end up concluding their hanfu/cosplay/whatever is respectful and okay. I'm not here to say you shouldn't just in case someone in the world would be offended, however, you still have to be aware you're a guest partaking in someone else's culture, so if you choose to post it on social media, you should be prepared for potential criticism, keep an open mind, and not become defensive when you get it. That is to say, harassing is never okay, and if there is harassing going on I don't condone that, however a lot of the times (in my experience) it's not harassing, just valid complaints brought up in a not incredibly gentle way, and that shouldn't be discounted as bullying. Messing up (unintentionally, after doing research) doesn't make someone an asshole, but if someone decides to post and face a lot of criticism and they choose to ignore it or lash out against the people criticizing them, that does. In my personal experience, I've for example seen a lot of MDZS cosplay that are generally met with very little pushback, and there's a writer I like who's 100% white and lives in China and writes short and distinctively Chinese fiction, and he has a moderately decent audience and gets pretty much no criticism even from diaspora because he's careful to be respectful. This isn't a failsafe and I'm sure no matter what someone out there will be uncomfortable, but there are plenty of situations where non-Chinese people interact with the culture and wear the culture and get little to no pushback. I don't like the implication that the diaspora community is needlessly volatile and hostile - because from my experience most of it really isn't. And, to be completely honest although the internet and videos have made things less private, very few people end up getting enough attention (especially unintentionally) that would result in a great deal of pushback unless they're being Distinctly Offensive. I've seen quite a few douyin with foreigners in hanfu and they're just like any other hanfu video and they rarely gain that level of traction because most people aren't looking to get upset over things that don't genuinely bother them. I do think it's a situation where you have to make your own judgments, but I stand by that if for whatever reason you interact with Chinese people who make their discomfort clear, their discomfort should be taken seriously and listened to.

Second question. Um, this sounds kind of specific? This might be the case sometimes idk, I've personally never seen this happen (not to say it hasn't just that I haven't seen it), but in that case if you're wearing it in a specific (respectful) situation and you were invited (especially by family) then it's not at all a "My Chinese friend" argument I think. "My Chinese friend" is a bad argument because it's vague and tokenizing and used to talk over other Chinese people, but if you were invited to wear it then that's way more direct, so I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to establish. However, like you mention later, Chinese people are not a monolith and many don't have great connections with their culture, or see no issue with racism, or have internalized self-hatred etc. that would cause them to enable non-Chinese people in doing offensive things. I really do think this is a case-by-case basis, I can't make any sweeping judgments. Sometimes it's the Chinese family/friend who invited who is in the wrong.

Third question kind of (the part about mainlanders having a say etc.) I do think that again it's a case-by-case basis! In the conversation between a diaspora and a mainlander, respect should be given to both sides (and diaspora who don't understand as much should listen to the mainlander about things the mainlander understands better) however, in my original post, I was more referring to non-Chinese people using what mainlanders say to shut down diaspora. Again, the issue is not that mainlanders shouldn't have a say, it's that their words are used by non-Chinese to discredit diaspora voicing their concerns. I honestly haven't seen that much mainlander-diaspora communication online for obvious reasons but that would be a completely different topic. I do think that it's important to remember even mainlanders aren't monoliths or infallible, and sometimes they can discredit diaspora opinions on topics diaspora have more experience on just because they don't have the same experience. Although people in China certainly face racism and oppression in the global framework of north VS south, and many parts of China have remnants of colonization and imperialism which mean white westerner travelers and expats get better treatment than even the locals or ABC, it's also true that they don't usually face the day to day constant racism diaspora face, which is often what informs discussions on why foreigners wearing hanfu might be considered offensive.

(This part will be about diaspora talking over mainlanders, intracommunity politics, self-hatred, etc. These are my own opinions as a Chinese diaspora and it's a sensitive issue, plus people who are not members of the community please Do Not Make Judgements or try and get involved. Again, this is an intracommunity issue, not an open invitation for non-Chinese people to criticize Chinese people on their Chineseness.) The same goes in the other direction, like you mentioned, a lot of diaspora can also talk over mainlanders or claim authority when they don't have it. There's also a lot of issues with diaspora who hate and look down on themselves and their culture through no fault of their own, it's taught by the society they grow up in, but then they never unlearn that hatred and disdain, and the remnants of that will inform how they treat the people and culture even if they try and advocate themselves as a spokesperson. Obviously, I'm not a huge fan and I think it can be super harmful. It's okay to grow up and realize the culture you rejected is something beautiful, it's okay to slowly rediscover it, but one should always keep in mind that they are rediscovering it, they lack a lot of knowledge because knowing about culture is not innate, and to be open to learn and not yell too loudly about things they don't understand. Culture is so vast, no one person can claim they understand fully and should be taken as the single spokesperson. This disdain and internalized racism show up in diaspora, but also in mainlanders to some extent, because we all live in a post-colonial world with a clear racial hierarchy. That is to say, although it's not useful or reasonable to categorize mainland Han Chinese as oppressed POC, especially when they are the privileged majority within mainland, they nonetheless also face white supremacy that is woven into the culture post-colonization and imperialism (white people. are not at all oppressed. in China. :/)

I also think that in the specific situation of cultural appropriation, personal feelings kind of do matter. It's not a strictly moral thing, messing up doesn't mean moral failure and neither does getting offended or whatever, and I also don't think the discussion around cultural appropriation through wearing hanfu will ever be 'universal' because everyone has such different experiences. In a perfect world without a recent history of colonization and imperialism and western dominance, this wouldn't be nearly as big of an issue. The point is that it's not universal, you can only try your best to be respectful but understand there are limits and that if you post for a lot of people to see a lot of people will have different thoughts, and to try and listen to those thoughts the best you can. None of this is a moral issue, just one facet of a larger societal one informed by history and power dynamics, and no one person is responsible for any of it, but it's important to be educated and sensitive.

But yeah! It's definitely a complicated issue, your ask made sense don't worry lol I'm sorry I couldn't give that many definitive answers and so much of it came down to 'depends on the situation' and 'it can vary from person to person'. Like with all these sorts of issues, it can be intensely personal to people because this sort of racism Is very personal. for lack of better words. it's not a concrete thing, the reason it's harmful at all is that it can hurt people, just because of the context of racism and such, and that means it will vary from person to person. Sorry idk if that made any sense but kjlfdhg I think harassment and dogpiling and rudeness is never okay, but a clear line should be drawn between harassment and a Great Deal of People voicing their criticism. I agree that there should be civil conversations about it, but tbh... I don't think any progress will be made regarding this Because it's such a complicated issue with so many diverse voices and experiences that should be accounted for and not asked to conform, it's not at all a solidly moral issue. There's no rulebook for it! All cultures are different too, I can only speak on my thoughts on hanfu and qipao and such, however, other garments from other cultures may have different purposes or ideas behind them and that's not something for me to comment on, I can only listen and respect. I think the only way progress can be made, is for society to progress regarding racism and such built into the system, and the post-colonial state of the world. Foreigners in hanfu and appropriation stuff, this is all just manifestations of the greater systemic issues, and it can only be solved through the solving of the greater systemic issues.

Thank you for the ask! i enjoy talking about these things :3

[writingwithcolor]

I'm writing an AU of a movie that takes place in the 1880s USA, where a travelling white character and a Jewish character are waylaid by Native Americans, who they befriend. Probably because it was written by and about PoC (Jews) the scene actually avoids the stuff on your Native American Masterpost, but I'd still like to do better than a movie made in the 1980's, and I feel weird cutting them from the plot entirely. I have a Jewish woman reading it for that, but are there any things you (1/1)

2/2 1880s western movie ask--are there things you'd LIKE to see in a movie where a white man and a Jewish man run into Native Americans in the 1880s? I do plan to base them on a real tribe (Ute, probably) and have proper housing/clothes and so forth, but right now I'm just trying to avoid or subvert awful cowboy movie tropes. Any ideas?

White and Jewish Men, Native American interactions in 1880s

I am vaguely concerned with how you only cite one of our posts about Native Americans, that was not written by a Native person, and do not cite any of the posts relating to this time period, or any posts relating to representation in media. 

Sidenote: if you want us to give accurate reflections of the media you’re discussing, please tell us the NAME. I cannot go look up this movie based off this description to give you an idea of what my issues are with this scene, and must instead trust that the representation is good based off your judgement. I cannot make my own judgement. This is a problem. Especially since your whole question boils down to “this scene is good but not great and I want it to be great. How can I do that?”

Your baseline for “good” could very well be my baseline for “terrible hack job”. I can’t give you the proper education required for you to be able to accurately evaluate the media you’re watching for racist stereotypes if you don’t tell me what you’re even working with.

When you’re writing fanfic where the media is directly relevant to the question, please tell us the name of the media. We will not judge your tastes. We need this information in order to properly help you.

Moving on.

I bring up my concern for you citing that one—exceptionally old—post because it is lacking in many of the tropes that don’t exist in the media critique field but exist in the real world. This is an issue I have run into countless times on WWC (hence further concern you did not cite any other posts) and have spoken about at length. 

People look at the media critique world exclusively, assume it is a complete evaluation of how Native Americans are seen in society, and as a result end up ignoring some really toxic stereotypes and then come to the inbox with “these characters aren’t abc trope, so they’re fine, but I want to rubber stamp them anyway. Anything wrong here?”. The answer is pretty much always yes. 

Issue one: “Waylaid” by Native Americans

This wording is extremely loaded for one reason: Native American people are seen as tricksters, liars, and predators. This is the #1 trope that shows up in the real world that does not show up in media critique. It’s also the trope I have talked about the most when it comes to media representation, so you not knowing the trope is a sign you haven’t read the entirety of the Native tag—which is in the FAQ as something we would really prefer you did before coming at us to answer questions. It avoids us having to re-explain ourselves.

Now, hostility is honestly to be expected for the time period the movie is set in. This is in the beginnings (or ramping up) of residential schools in America* and Canada, we have generations upon generations of stolen or killed children, reserves being allocated perhaps hundreds of miles from sacred sites, and various wars with Plains and Southwest peoples are in full force (Wounded Knee would have happened in 1890, in December, and the Dakoa’s mass execution would have been in 1862. Those are just the big-name wars. There absolutely were others). 

*America covers up its residential schools abuse extremely thoroughly, so if you try to research them in the American context you will come up empty. Please research Canada’s schools and apply the same abuse to America, as Canada has had a Truth and Reconciliation Commission about residential schools and therefore is more (but not completely) transparent about the abuse that happened. Please note that America’s history with residential schools is longer than Canada’s history. There is an extremely large trigger warning for mass child death when you do this research.

But just because the hostility is expected does not mean that this hostility would be treated well in the movie. Especially when you consider the sheer amount of tension between any Native actors and white actors, for how Sacheen Littlefeather had just been nearly beaten up by white actors at the 1973 Academy Awards for mentioning Wounded Knee, and the American Indian Religious Freedom Act had only been passed two years prior in 1978. 

These Native actors would not have had the ability to truly consent to how they were shown, and this power dynamic has to be in your mind when you watch this scene over. I don’t care that the writers were from a discriminated-against background. This does not always result in being respectful, and I’ve also spoken about this power imbalance at length (primarily in the cowboy tag).

Documentaries and history specials made in the 2010s (with some degree of academic muster) will still fall into wording that harkens Indigenous people to wolves and settlers as frightened prey animals getting picked off by the mean animalistic Natives. This is not neutral, or good. This is perpetuating the myth that the settlers were helpless, just doing their own thing completely unobtrusively, and then the evil territorial Native Americans didn’t want to share.

To paraphrase Batman: if I had a week I couldn’t explain all the reasons that’s wrong.

How were these characters waylaid by the Native population? Because that answer—which I cannot get because you did not name the media—will determine how good the framing is. But based on the time period this movie was made alone, I do not trust it was done respectfully.

Issue 2: “Befriending”

I mentioned this was in an intense period of residential schools and land wars all in that area. The Ute themselves had just been massacred by Mormons in the Grass Valley Massacre in 1865, with ten men and an unknown number of women and children killed thanks to a case of assumed association with a war chief (Antonga Black Hawk) currently at war with Utah. The Paiute had been massacred in 1866. Over 100 Timpanogo men had been killed, with an unknown number of women and children enslaved by Brigham Young in Salt Lake City in 1850, with many of the enslaved people dying in captivity (those numbers were not tracked, but I would assume at least two hundred were enslaved— that’s simply assuming one woman/wife and one child for every man, and the numbers could have very well been higher if any war-widows and their children were in the group, not to mention families with multiple children). This is after an unknown group of Indigenous people had been killed by Governor Brigham Young the year prior, to “permanently stop cattle theft” from settlers. 

The number of Native Americans killed in Utah in the 1800s—just the number of dead counted (since women and children weren’t counted)—in massacres not tied to war (because there was at least one war) is over 130. The actual number of random murders is much higher; between the uncounted deaths and how the Governor had issued orders to “deal with” the problem of cattle theft permanently. I doubt you would have been tried or convicted if you murdered Indigenous peoples on “your” land. This is why it’s called state sanctioned genocide.

This is not counting the Black Hawk War in Utah (1865-1872), which the Ute were absolutely a part of (the wiki articles I read were contradictory if Antonga Black Hawk was Ute or Timpanogo, but the Ute were part of it). The first official massacre tied to the war—the Bear River Massacre, ordered by the US Military—places the death count of just that singular massacre at over five hundred Shoshone, including elders, women, and children. It would not be unreasonable to assume that the number of Indigenous people killed in Utah from 1850, onward, is over a thousand, perhaps two or three.

Pardon me for not reading beyond that point to list more massacres and simply ballparking a number; the source will be linked for you to get an accurate number of dead.

So how did they befriend the Native population? Let alone see them as fully human considering the racism of the time period? Natives were absolutely not seen as fully human so long as they were tied to their culture, and assimilation equalling some sliver of respect was already a stick being waved around as a threat. This lack of humanity continues to the present day.

I’m not saying friendship is impossible. I am saying the sheer levels of mistrust that would exist between random wandering groups of white/pale men and Indigenous communities wouldn’t exactly make that friendship easy. Having the scene end be a genuine friendship feels ignorant and hollow and flattening of ongoing genocide, because settlers lied about their intentions and then lined you up for slauther (that’s how the Timpanogo were killed and enslaved).

Utah had already done most of its mass killing by this point. The era of trusting them was over. There was an active open hunting season, and the acceptable targets were the Indigenous populations of Utah.

(sources for the numbers: 

List of Indian Massacres in North America Black Hawk War (1865-1872))

Issue 3: “Proper housing/clothes and so forth”

Do you mean Western style settlements and jeans? If yes, congratulations you have written a reservation which means the land-ripped-away wounds are going to be fresh, painful, and sore.

You do not codify what you mean by “proper”, and proper is another one of those deeply loaded colonial words that can mean “like a white man” or “appropriate for their tribe.” For the time period, it would be the former. Without specifying which direction you’re going for, I have no idea what you’re imagining. And without the name of the media, I don’t know what the basis of this is.

The reservation history of this time period seems to maybe have some wiggle room; there were two reservations allocated for the Ute at this time, one made in 1861 and another made in 1882 (they were combined into the Uintah and Ouray Indian Reservation in 1886). This is all at the surface level of a google and wikipedia search, so I have no idea how many lived in the bush and how many lived on the reserve. 

There were certainly land defenders trying to tell Utah the land did not belong to them, so holdouts that avoided getting rounded up were certainly possible. But these holdouts would be far, far more hostile to anyone non-Native.

The Ute seemed to be some degree of lucky in that the reserve is on some of their ancestral territory, but any loss of land that large is going to leave huge scars. 

It should be noted that reserves would mean the traditional clothing and housing would likely be forbidden, because assimilation logic was in full force and absolutely vicious at this time. 

It’s a large reserve, so the possibility exists they could have accidentally ended up within the borders of it. I’m not sure how hostile the state government was for rounding up all the Ute, so I don’t know if there would have been pockets of them hiding out. In present day, half of the Ute tribe lives on the reserve, but this wasn’t necessarily true historically—it could have been a much higher percentage in either direction.

It’s up to you if you want to make them be reservation-bound or not. Regardless, the above mentioned genocide would have been pretty fresh, the land theft in negotiations or already having happened, and generally, the Ute would be well on their way to every assimilation attempt made from either residential schools, missionaries, and/or the forced settlement and pre-fab homes.

To Answer Your Question

I don’t want another flattened, sanitized portrayal of genocide.

Look at the number of dead above, the amount of land lost above, the amount of executive orders above. And try to tell me that these people would be anything less than completely and totally devastated. Beyond traumatized. Beyond broken hearted. Absolutely grief stricken with almost no soul left.

Their religion would have been illegal. Their children would have been stolen. Their land was taken away. A saying about post-apocalyptic fiction is how settler-based it is, because Indigenous people have already lived through their own apocalypse.

It would have all just happened at the time period this story is set in. All of the grief you feel now at the environment changing so drastically that you aren’t sure how you’ll survive? Take that, magnify it by an exponential amount because it happened, and you have the mindset of these Native characters.

This is not a topic to tread lightly. This is not a topic to read one masterpost and treat it as a golden rule when there is too much history buried in unmarked, overfull graves of school grounds and cities and battlefields. I doubt the movie you’re using is good representation if it doesn’t even hint at the amount of trauma these Native characters would have been through in thirty years.

A single generation, and the life that they had spent millennia living was gone. Despite massive losses of life trying to fight to preserve their culture and land.

Learn some history. That’s all I can tell you. Learn it, process it, and look outside of checklists. Look outside of media. 

And let us have our grief.

~ Mod Lesya

On Question Framing

Please allow me the opportunity to comment on “are there things you'd LIKE to see in a movie where a white man and a Jewish man run into Native Americans in the 1880s?” That strikes me as the same type of question as asking what color food I’d like for lunch. I don’t see how the cultural backgrounds of characters I have literally no other information about is supposed to make me want anything in particular about them. I don’t know anything about their personalities or if they have anything in common.

Compare the following questions:

“Are there things you’d like to see in a movie where two American women, one from a Nordic background and one Jewish, are interacting?” I struggle to see how our backgrounds are going to yield any further inspiration. It certainly doesn’t tell you that we’re both queer and cling to each other’s support in a scary world; it doesn’t tell you that we uplift each other through mental illness; it doesn’t go into our 30 years of endless bizarre inside jokes related to everything from mustelids to bad subtitles.

Because: “white”, “Jewish”, and “Native American” aren’t personality words. You can ask me what kind of interaction I’d like to see from a high-strung overachieving woman and a happy-go-lucky Manic Pixie Dream Girl, and I’ll tell you I’d want fluffy f/f romance. Someone else might want conflict ultimately resolving in friendship. A third person might want them slowly getting on each other’s nerves more and more until one becomes a supervillain and the other must thwart her. But the same question about a cultural demographic? That told me nothing about the people involved.

Also, the first time I meet a new person from a very different culture, it might take weeks before discussion of our specific cultural differences comes up. As a consequence, my first deep conversations with a Costa Rican American gentile friend were not about Costa Rica or my Jewishness but about things we had in common: classical music and coping with breakups--which are obviously conversations I could have had if we were both Jewish, both Costa Rican gentiles, or both something else. So in other words, I’m having trouble seeing how knowing so little about these characters is supposed to give me something to want to see on the page.

Thank you for understanding.

(And yes, I agree with Lesya, what’s with this trend of people trying to explain their fandom in a roundabout way instead of mentioning it by name? It makes it harder to give meaningful help….)

--Shira

[willowthefoxxo]

i understand what you're saying, I'm NOT telling you to just let go of your trauma. I was telling you to let go of THIS SPECIFIC BLOG. From what I know, if you just come up to them with like one ask saying "hey I and a lot of others have really bad trauma with cults, could you tag your content as being related to cults so it can be filtered out by my filtered tags please?" that would be PERFECTLY FINE. And if they refuse, more elaboration and pushiness would be warranted and encouraged. I see that I missed to point where it was warranted, and I'm sorry about that. I understand how hard it is to deal with trauma, I've been physically attacked with the goal to hurt me by my own family members before. I'm not saying to let go of the trauma, I know it's not really possible. Believe me, I've tried my darndest to do that. I'm saying to let go of this little issue of someone using cult jokes in a "holy shit i love this character so much" way. If it's untagged stuff that's triggering to you and/or other people, ask the OP to tag it. Just don't send them ask after ask after ask berating them for it unless they're being hostile and you have the energy and mental clarity to deal with a mean dumbass. Taking care of your own mental health is a thing that factors into dealing with this stuff too. And I tend to be kinda confrontational sometimes too, but I'm trying to get out of the habit of being TOO confrontational. There is a point where it becomes too much on BOTH SIDES. Whenever I deal with a conflict, I prefer to sit somewhere in the middle. Both because I can get the most info on the situation doing that, and because I'm horrifically terrified of pissing people off due to my mom. (at least when I'm not grumpy and sleep-deprived and in constant pain) I will usually look at both the faults of both sides and how both sides are hurt. In my original post I neglected to do that cuz I was tired and grumpy because I'm on my period and also it was past midnight when I posted that, and I am really sorry about that. I recognize that I shouldn't have been trying to talk about this stuff in that state and that I was being a fuckin idiot, and I recognize that I came off as more of an asshole than I meant to and that I said some shit I didn't mean and in ways I didn't mean to and that my intentions were very unclear.

And I recognize the danger of the kind of modern cults you brought up- I've recently found it to be a subject that I want to research and learn more about, especially since I personally know some people who are currently undergoing the experience of being a non-cishet kid in a modern Christianity-esque religious cult. I know how hard it is to deal with that and I'm trying my best to help those people. The issue I was looking at at the time is this person is being really freaking aggressive over this specific thing. I understand that you were hurt, but I also recognize that, at least from my perspective, you were kinda being a dick about it. I may have missed something that fucked up my judgement, and if I did I'm really sorry about that and I will completely welcome any explanations or elaborations you can give on the situation. And I know I'm more desensitized to stuff, I'm so used to living in traumatizing situations I didn't even know were traumatizing that it's become just part of life for me. And I'm the kind of person who jokes about my trauma as a coping mechanism. Now it is a really bad coping mechanism, but there's not much else I can do right now.

I'll happily welcome this as a learning experience and I do understand that I done fucked up. I do stand by my statement that you were being way meaner than what seemed to be warranted, but I also know that I said some stuff I don't stand by and that I was being kinda stupid. People say stupid shit they don't mean sometimes, and that includes me. And I deeply apologize for any stupid shit I said. If there's anything I can do to make if up to you, I'll do it.

I also want to say that I've learned to deal with things like this in a very different way than most people. I've always tended to flip flop between being a yes man and agreeing with everything even when I know I'm letting myself be hurt, and being a stubborn screaming asshole that refuses to shut up. I'm still trying to get out of those habits and have the right balance, but it's kinda hard to fix everything that caused me to be like that. And if you have any advice for things like this, I will gladly listen to it. I realize that I have a really bad feeling that I have to fix everything and I have to meditate everything and I have to be everyone's therapist friend and I have to be the level-headed one, and that need to always do the right thing and always be perfect and always make everyone happy is taking a toll on me, but it's really frickin hard to back out of. And I'm not saying any of this as an excuse, I'm saying this to explain why I did what I did. Since I also have a crippling urge to explain every single thing I do to the nth degree because if I didn't do that for my mom then I either got put under really strict surveillance, grounded, or beat. I want to let you know why I make the mistakes I do, or at least tell you everything I know about why I make mistakes like this. And I want to listen to your explanation of this situation and possibly learn from you and other people who are/were involved. I tend to be a really weird mix of apathetic and overly emotional and it flip-flops a lot, as does my mood. And I want help learning to fix that. I want to learn about dealing with situations like this, and about how things like affect people, and how I can fix mistakes like this. I feel like there might be some things I didn't address since I'm so scatterbrained, so if there's anything I didn't address that you want me to address, please tell me. And I apologize again, for every mistake I made here. It's always been hard for me to apologize normally because the "apologies" I've been forced to say in the past were usually more like begging for mercy after any slight fuck-up, but I'll try my best to help fix what I did.

And I am VERY sorry if it seems like I'm making this about myself, I'm not trying to do that but at the same time I feel like I have to explain everything perfectly and i have to be right on this perfect line in the middle or everyone's gonna hate me. I recognize that we have differences and the ignoring triggering stuff may work for me, but not always for others. And I'm sorry I acted like that, I'm severely wishing right now that I stayed out of this and didn't post that.

why exactly are you so dead set on using the term cult anyway? what exactly does the word "cult" have that other alternatives don't? seriously ask yourself this question and then reflect it on real life instances of cults and ask if you would say the same thing. because with how you're responding to me it doesn't seem like you're actually taking it seriously at all, assigning roles like "blood ritualist" doesn't seem like something you'd do if you took cults seriously either, i don't understand

why do you care so much?

[fallout-drabbles-n-stuff]

Omg bae (respectfully) I need you to write the Companions reaction to Brother Thomas telling the SS to give them all their stuff, as in meaning they kinda have to strip-

((ENJOY BAE))

(Imma do something a little different and do platonic and romanced separate)

Cait:

Platonic & Romanced-

"Shit, you aren't gonna offer any caps first? Haha, seriously though- hope you like the taste of your own teeth, bitch."

•if there is one thing Cait can't stand, it's a con man. Even if he wasn't demanding something so radical, she'd still smash his face in for undermining your intelligence.

Curie:

Platonic & Romanced-

"Ah, i see. I trust we will be issued our very own ceremonial robes, yes? Très bien!"

•Dont..don't trust curie with things like this. She honestly believe they have her best interest in mind. Plus she'll get excited to have a whole new band of people to call friends.

Danse:

Platonic-

"Civilian, this is obviously a shakedown. Out of mercy, I recommend you reassess the situation. If you persist, I'll take it as a threat to our livelihood and deal with you accordingly."

•Danse usually isn't so quick to be violent, or threatening for that matter, but this was different. If asked, he'd probably brush it off and say that it was necessary so valuable brotherhood gear doesn't fall into the wrong hands..but honestly? His reasons are a bit deeper than that.

Romanced-

"Ask my partner to strip one more time and I'll turn you into a pile of ash, do you understand?"

•As unlike him as it may sound, this may just be an empty threat. At least in the sense that he wouldn't waste fusion cells, he'd just beat the crap out of Thomas. Now, Danse ordinarily would prefer just to intimidate, but for you it was more of his protective tendencies and emotions taking control.

Deacon:

Platonic-

"Hey buddy, at least buy us dinner first."

•He may be cracking jokes, but deacon is obviously very uncomfortable with the situation. He's already scanned the area and figured there was something fishy before Thomas' odd order- so having that bunch confirmed does nothing to ease his nerves.

Romanced-

"No."

•The most disturbing part was that he was so calm, flatly telling the preacher no. No jokes, no horrible distractions..just a simple defying word that almost promised horrible consequences if Thomas didn't relent.

Gage:

Platonic-

"Well boss, you want me to hold him down?"

•Gage would probably kill him just for funsies- but in this case, he'll just slash the clothes off of Thomas' back and make him parade around naked in front of his following. Maybe even whip him with a rolled dirty rag or some shit.

Romanced-

"You've signed your ticket, bitch."

•Won't even hesitate to start beating the shit out of him. It's one thing to disrespect your common sense, another to demand something like this from a raider boss..but it was an entirely more personal infraction to order around his loved one.

 

Hancock:

Platonic & Romanced-

"Hey, I know you. Didn't Ham knock you out on your ass for your crazy 'salvation' gig? You ain't nothing but a crook- about to be a bleeding one too if you don't step the hell back."

•Hancock would probably make Thomas cry from embarrassment. You don't "mess" with Hancock, especially if you've already proven to be an issue close and personal to his home. It isn't good for the health. And by good for the health I mean..well, look at what he did to fin.

Macready;

Platonic-

"Hah! You're out of your gourd dude."

•He doesn't even understand why the two of you are here! What's the point? May as well leave this place before he gets fed up and loses his cool.

Romanced-

"I'm sorry, did you just ask what I think you did? Do you want a rear full of lead."

•Initially, Mac would be dumbfounded. Was this clown serious? I mean...the numbers are in his favor..but damn. Even if he doubts he could win, he'd be willing to fight "Brother Thomas" if it meant "defending your honor."

Maxson:

Platonic-

"Civilian, I advise you to not make orders to those above you.."

•He'd probably try to intimidate the cult leader, puffing his chest out and stuff...but honestly he's hoping that Thomas will give it up.

Romanced-

"Do you have any idea who you're harassing? Cease this idiocy at once or I'll take care of you myself- and that's a promise."

•Okay, so maybe Arthur doesn't really want to have to deal with Thomas or his cult, but when it comes to someone threatening the person he loves- especially in such a humiliating way- he isn’t above putting his pride aside and choke someone out like a lowly raider. Also- no one threatens his coat.

Nick:

Platonic-

"We don't need this..."

•Nick is...tired. Why must you drag him into these kinds of predicaments?

Romanced-

"That's a bold command coming from someone like yourself."

•Don't worry, if Thomas persists- the infamous "beep, beep, beep" prank is sure to follow. That or Nick might call in some favors..

Piper:

Platonic-

"Haha..you're hilarious...you're joking though, right?"

•She knows he isn't- but she just can't handle anything like this. If you don't do something to ease the tension, she might just slap him.

Romanced-

"Woah, creep. Back off."

•She'll be more civil than she'd like just because he didn't outright aggress either of you, but you bet your ass she'll write as many slandering articles as she can so no one else will join his band of weirdos.

Preston:

Platonic-

"General, you aren't seriously going to...right? This man is obviously a thief."

•Though he usually doesn't like to pass judgement on others and give the benefit of a doubt, buuuut he can't let this one slide. He just sincerely hopes you won't give in...

Romanced-

"I don't know who you think you are but you've lost your mind!"

•He's never come so close to punching someone that wasn't technically "hostile" before. Preston doesn't even entertain the idea of you complying for funsies either.

X6-88:

Platonic-

"I'm warning you, step away from them now.."

•X6 plays no shit when it comes to someone being even halfway threatening to you. Don't expect him to hesitate "defending" you if Thomas doesn't relent.

Romanced-

*shoots him in the face*

[sonofanactuallyveryniceperson]

dude this stayed in the drafts bc touching on it was a big ouchie personally but you're my Pete Brain Picking buddy so i have to tell you: doesn't the whole idea that he has of not deserving salvation also raise questions on sexuality. he's admittedly not straight(tm) and it makes it extra heartbreaking. thinking you don't deserve heaven and all.

mfw pete wentz religious trauma sounding familiar:

(CW for this one: I will be using queer as an adjective, mainly because I prefer it as a catch-all — and in my country it’s also the recognised academic term). Lemme figure out how to put this under the cut x

Hey bestie! I absolutely agree, it definitely does. I’m of the opinion that trauma is an almost unavoidable part of the queer experience; it’s a terrible and upsetting fact, but there’s almost no way you can raise a queer child under the conditions of globalised heteronormative/“straight” culture and expect them to come out untouched by that. ESPECIALLY, as I’m sure you know, if religion is involved. Catholicism, specifically, is... quite something.

It’s definitely a common experience for lgbt+ individuals who grew up involved with organised religion to carry huge amounts of guilt or concern about being “monstrous”, “evil”, or “impure”. Because of this, often they carry with them the idea that there’s simply no way they could make it into any kind of peaceful afterlife. For that reason, it would make a huge amount of sense for Pete’s fascination with the same concept/imagery to be related to his own complicated relationship with his sexuality. And I have the lyrics to prove it! Let’s discuss.

Y’all are probably super familiar with most of Pete’s sexually ambiguous lyrics, so I’m just going to cover my three favourites. Obviously these can all be interpreted very differently, but I am going to rub my queer little hands all over them:

1. The (Shipped) Gold Standard has always felt significantly queer to me: “I wanna scream ‘I love you’ from the top of my lungs / But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me”. It’s the fear of the judgement/ridicule/hate you’ll receive for expressing your real affection. This one had me in a chokehold as a young teen.

2. G.I.N.A.S.F.S. as a whole is super gay but the line that always resonated with me was “Figured on not figuring myself out”. It reads a lot like someone in denial, because it’s easier to just not examine your sexuality.

3. Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying. This one might be a new one for some of you, but come on! “Your secret's out / And the best part is it isn't even a good one”. As a person who has, on occasion, been outed to individuals in my old, hostile and conservative country town — this certainly always read to me like... that.

So yeah, absolutely this man is certainly “not straight™️” and I do believe this feeds into his conviction that he’s not “good” or “pure” enough to make it past the pearly gates. This idea is present in his lyrics in nearly every album. Although, if I had to make an argument for it, I’d say MANIA probably covers it the most.

‘Heaven’s Gate’ is probably the most explicit reference to this: “And in the end if I don't make it on the list / Would you sneak me a wristband?”

Even ‘Church’ explores the concept somewhat. The lyrics “Oh, the things that you do in the name of what you love / You were doomed but just enough” suggest that the writer is resigned to some terrible fate specifically for loving the things (or people) that they love. Additionally: “And if death is the last appointment / Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room / I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom”. These lyrics again echo Pete’s theory that there’s some sort of check-in system or appointment necessary to make it into the afterlife — and he doesn’t believe that he qualifies for that kind of salvation.

My favourite example of this is actually in ‘West Coast Smoker’: “Follow the disorganized religion of my head / And we'll never get through customs / Let's just take off again instead.” He’s suggesting that his faith is somewhat muddled, his belief is confused and he’s experiencing doubts. As a result of this conflict, he doesn’t believe that he’s going to make it through the afterlife’s “customs” and find his way to a peaceful end.

I think that all of these lyrics read like a queer person grappling with the story has been fed to them their whole life: that their religion has no place for them, that they are somehow monstrous or unclean, and that there will be no peace for them once they pass. It’s absolutely devastating. Someone give this man a hug and tell him that he’s allowed to have a boyfriend x

[tiktaalic]

i’m being completely unironic when i say wincest shippers try to gaslight me all the time. i can ping a blog as sus in my gut, see #wincest in their top tags, block them, and then a few months later see them Aghast at the audacity people have at accusing them of being a wincest. can’t someone want to talk about the codependency of sam and dean without having such horrid things fabricated against them for the crime of not liking misha collins? yeah but not a fuckin blog w a dedicated wincest tag and posts about them being romeo and juliet though!

i say no incest content and i say this rule is not censorship it’s personal preference and i get an ask from sam-fucks-dean-hard saying can i pwease make that rule clearer because it’s vewy hard for wincest shippers to adjust to these weird new exclusionary attitudes that weren’t around when they first joined fandom :(. fuck you. nothing was ever unclear about no incest. maybe stop trying to wiggle through whatever loophole you can find. and i say. yeah. sure. i’ll make this clearer for you.

i say please no wincest shippers because i’m not comfortable reblogging something to an audience that redirects to a blog whose sidebar says sam-fucks-dean-hard and get two paragraphs about how i’m totally valid for wanting to have no incest in my space but i’m like, being really mean about it and should think about how my words impact wincest shippers and also there was no need to even say it at all because it’s a nonissue because it’s not about sam and dean and ALSO i’m an anti and just because something triggers me that doesn’t give me the right to make a moral judgement on ALL wincest shippers who are actually really nice :(.

meanwhile i’ve got three asks in my inbox that are STILL like “i know you said no incest but is incest okay?” DESPITE the two very clear clarifications i’ve given. by all accounts? i have been very professional and level headed, and apparently even nonoffensive corporate language gets taken as an attack. so fuck you! fuck your bad faith arguments! fuck the loopholes you are deadset on coming through despite all the signs i’ve hammered up that say “legally i can’t stop you but as a person with humanity i am kindly asking you to please respect my boundaries.” fuck you for taking my attempt to stay professional and twisting it to try to guilt trip me into letting you do incest on MY blog. and it’s always a guilt trip! it’s always “you are hurting me by doing this, i wouldn’t be hurt if you DIDN’T do this. i know you probably mean well and aren’t trying to hurt me (which you are doing) so if you don’t want to hurt me you should change your rules.” fuck you! again!

it’s NOT very hard for you to adjust to my new exclusionary attitude. i HAVEN’T been overly hostile, or hostile at all. YOU are the one who is #triggered by me making my boundaries clear when those boundaries ask you to please please please stay out. if you are gonna try to move the lines on me when i’m being NICE i’m not going to be nice. i do think you should fuck off. i do think you should be judged. i do think you should be shunned from fun social media spaces. wincests are not oppressed but if you’re gonna insist on acting like you are we can make that happen.

[thedreadvampy]

On the other hand, and moving away from direct Mechanisms Discourse (which I prefer to not get over involved in tbh but also this ISN'T about that it's just jumping off it) - it absolutely is deeply classist to assume that somebody is illiterate or ignorant because of poverty/assumed poverty, and that's a huge problem. but also I think on a broader social level (at least in the UK) there is an idea in the left that it's classist to acknowledge the connection between poverty and illiteracy, while the truth is that illiteracy is a problem of poverty (poverty not in the sense of just Not Having Money but in the sense of system denial of adequate resources). Poverty doesn't = illiteracy but illiteracy is very much a problem of poverty - not a failure of a marginalised individual but a failure of the system marginalising them.

Adult illiteracy is a surprisingly large issue in eg both rural and urban Scotland, but it's not because poor people are stupid, ignorant or unwilling to learn - it's because schools are inadequate or inaccessible, classes are managed not taught, teachers are stretched thin and schools are underfunded so don't have resources to help struggling students, if you get to secondary school still unable to read and write you're completely locked out of the educational system unless you can access a school with the resources to teach you individually, and because of this, classism and a lack of support, poorer kids are more likely to switch off school as early as possible.

Social geography is also a big issue. In urban areas, schools in poorer areas get bad reputations, so they're underfunded, so they do worse, so they're funded less, etc, until they're a bare minimum of staff just trying to get through the day in collapsing buildings with no resources and five textbooks. Where better-funded schools can afford teaching assistants, 1:1 support for struggling students, decent food provision for kids, follow-up on children in need of support at home, more teachers for smaller classes, maybe counseling and psychological support, maybe Special Educational Needs classes for older kids to work on basic literacy and numeracy to catch up, worse-funded schools have one underpaid unsupported teacher trying to manage a class of 35 kids with wildly different needs. They don't have the resources to help support kids with issues that might affect their schooling, like parental abuse or neglect, trauma, a parent in prison, care responsibilities, hunger, homelessness, neurodiversities that affect their ability to learn in the prescribed way, learning disabilities like dyslexia, physical health issues including visual or auditory impairments...all things that when supported are highly surmountable but when unsupported often end up with children being perceived and treated as stupid, disruptive or evil. The problem then compounds itself because the kids are badly treated which makes them more disruptive and less able to learn, and more and more work is needed to help them which teachers continue to not have any capacity or resources for.

Rural poverty comes with its own schooling issues as well, in that poverty is generally correlated with remoteness. Poor rural communities are often hours away from population centres, so either you have tiny highly local schools serving a handful of families where a single teacher needs to invent lesson plans that somehow balance the needs of 11 year olds and 4 year olds of all abilities, or your kids need to somehow get into town every morning before you get to work, which may mean dropping them off at 6am, having to part pay for buses, taxis or ferries, sending them on their own, or leaving them with friends and family, and realistically the way that often shakes down is that they don't go. You teach them at home, and they may not even exist for the truancy office to know about.

Literacy is also connected to family culture. Both my parents were people with degrees from educated families, and my mum was a full time parent, and the result is that school didn't teach me to read - I was already a confident and enthusiastic reader. Even richer families may hire tutors for small children, pay for extracurricular learning, etc. The poorer a family is, the more likely neither parent is available to spend time reading with their kids, because they're working full time - at that economic level a single income household is almost entirely unviable so either both parents work or there's a single parent working extra hours or they're just exhausted from worrying about the bills and what's sold to them as a personal failure to look after their family.

One thing it's easy to forget is that while people in the UK still do drop out of school in their teens to work, a generation ago it was almost the norm for a lot of communities (especially the children of farmers, miners and factory workers) to have left school well before the end of compulsory education, both because of school being a hostile space and because of the need for an additional income. Now as well as then, a lot of kids drop out to work as unpaid carers, disproportionately in poorer families that can't afford private care or therapeutic support. Literacy aside, generations of leaving school with no qualifications doesn't tend to teach you that formal learning is as important as experience and vocational learning, and you don't expect to finish anyway so why put yourself through misery trying to do well? But it includes literacy. I grew up in a former mining area and a lot of people my dad's age and older were literate enough to read signs and football results, but took adult classes in middle age or later to get past the pointing finger and moving lips. and if you're parents don't or can't read, it's a lot harder for you to learn.

There's a lot of classism and shame tied up in the roots of illiteracy. Teachers and governments and schoolmates will often have vocally expressed low expectations of poorer students; a rich child who does poorly at school has problems, a poor child who does poorly at school is a problem child. They're often treated with hostility and aggression from infancy and any anger or disinterest in school is often treated not as a problem to be solved but as proof that you were right to deem them a write-off. Poorer or more neglected children (or children for whom English is a second language) will often be deemed "stupid" by their peers, and start at a disadvantage because of the issues around early childhood learning in families where parents are overstretched.

Kids learn not to admit that they don't know or understand something, because if you start school unable to read and write and do basic maths when a lot of kids your age are already confident, you get mocked and called stupid and lazy by your peers, and treated with frustration by your teachers. So kids learn to avoid people noticing that they need help. That means that school, which could help a lot, isn't somewhere you can go for help but a source of huge anxiety and pain - more so when you factor in the background radiation of classism that only grows as you get older around not having the right clothes, the right toys, the right experiences, my mum says your mum's a ragger, my mum says I shouldn't hang out with you because you're a bad lot - so again kids switch off very early and see education as something to survive not something helpful.

The same is very much true of adult literacy. A lot of adults are very shamed and embarrassed to admit that they struggle with reading and writing - a lot of parents particularly want to be able to teach their kids to read, but aren't confident readers themselves, and feel too stupid and embarrassed to admit out loud that they can't read well, let alone to seek out and endure adult literacy classes that are a constant reminder of their perceived failure and ignorance (and can also be excruciating. Books for adult literacy learning are not nearly widespread enough and a lot of intelligent experienced adults are subjected to reading Spot the Dog and similar books targeted at small children's interests). Adult literacy classes also cost time and also money, so a lot of people only have the space for them after retirement, if at all.

And increasingly, illiteracy (or lack of fluency in English) increases poverty and marginalisation, and thus the chances of inherited literacy problems. Reading information, filling out forms and accessing the internet in a meaningful way are all massively limited by illiteracy, and you need those skills to access welfare, to access medical care, to avoid exploitative loans, to deal with any service providers, etc. Most jobs above minimum wage and a lot below require a fairly high level of literacy, whether it's office work or reading an instructional memo on a building site or reading drink instructions in McDonalds. Illiteracy is a huge barrier between somebody and the rest of the world, especially in a modern world that just assumes universal literacy, and especially especially as more and more of life involves the internet, texting, WhatsApp, email, and so on - it's becoming harder and harder for people with limited literacy to be fully involved in society. And that means the only mobility is downwards, and that exacerbates all the problems that lead to adult illiteracy.

People who can't read after the age of 6 or so are treated as stupid. People who can't read fluently when they're adults are seen as stupid and almost subhuman. There's so much shame and personal judgement attached to difficulty reading, but the fact that illiteracy is almost exclusively linked to poverty and deprivation is pretty conclusive. Illiteracy isn't about the failure or stupidity of the individual, it's about the lack of support, care and respect afforded to poor people at all stages of their life. Being illiterate doesn't make you stupid - many people are highly intelligent, creative, capable, thoughtful, and illiterate. I know people who can immediately solve complex engineering problems on the fly but take ten minutes to write down a sentence of instruction. It isn't classist to say that illiteracy is caused by poverty - it's both classist and inaccurate to say that illiteracy says anything about the worth, intelligence or personhood of the poor, that it's a result of a desire to be ignorant, or that it's evidence that people are poor because they're stupid, incapable, ignorant or bad parents. The link between poverty and illiteracy is the problem of classism and bigotry, no more no less, and we deal with it by working against the ideas that both poverty and lack of education are a reflection of individual worth.

Illiteracy isn't a problem of intelligence, it's a problem of education, and that matters because education is not inherent. it's something that has to be provided and maintained by parents, by the state, by the community. you're not born educated. you are educated. except more than a quarter of the Scottish population isn't educated, because the system doesn't give a fuck about them and actively excludes them or accidentally leaves them behind.

[shatar-aethelwynn]

I don't know what's wrong with me. When I look at others posts from people i like about how they hate things i kinda like. It mostly sends me in a quick depression. I'm into comics and man it kinda not fun interacting with some people. There was this meme about how mcu fans like it to be a safe space while comics fandom just want authors to kill themselves. And how one wanted to draw a author I think with gore. It's not really a fun place sometimes.

Doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with you. Sounds like there's something wrong with them. People online are good at being dicks because there's little real-world consequences for it. The ones that aren't intentionally being dicks are often using hyperbole (saying "hate" because it has more oomph to it than "dislike" even if they don't mean they have hostile feelings towards it), which is easy to miss if you don't know a person very well but we all use it all the time. And some people later realize they were being a dick and try to become better people. Sometimes the only way to tell the difference is through time and patience. I generally try to be gracious and assume people don't actually mean the worst until they clarify that yes, actually, they do.

So here's an example: I hate SpongeBob. I'm sorry, but it's true. Can't stand the show. That doesn't mean I think no one should ever watch it, or that someone can't enjoy it. It just means that no matter how often people insist that "this episode is funny though" I will not enjoy it (although I will freely admit to occassionally finding posts which make use of the characters funny). There's no moral judgement there, it's purely a matter of personal preference. Do I really mean "hate" in the way a pastor says "hate sin?" (And oh how much there is to unpack there.) Am I making a moral judgement about SpongeBob? No. I mean "strong dislike." Thing is, the internet loves to be reactionary. So lets say I make a post that says "Dear lord, I hate SpongeBob. It's just so stupid and I don't understand why anyone enjoys it and wish people would stop telling me I should watch it." No real moral judgement there, just "it's stupid and I don't like it, stop telling me I should" which is a valid opinion on any piece of media. Well, someone could show up in my inbox saying "How dare you say SpongeBob is evil! How dare you say no one should watch it!" Which, at no point has that actually been said, and it isn't true anyway. Can you see where I'm trying to go with this? Some fandoms (and comic book bros are famous for this) simply have a tendency to take that a step further and get into Gatekeeping territory and to react violently against anyone who violates their personal headcanon. Every fandom is capable of this. Those people are toxic and should be avoided.

Now here's the thing though, if the people you're talk about are saying "I hate this thing so everyone who likes it deserves to suffer and die" that's at best purity culture and it is corrosive and dangerous, and you should probably pull back from interacting with that person. It is a deeply unhealthy mindset to have, and it is even more unhealthy to continually subject yourself to people who say things like that. (Of course, on this site there are also people who will affectionately respond to trolls and comments deliberately intended to annoy with threats like "I will come to your house and make you eat toilet paper," and no one who follows them believes they mean it.) I promise there are others who like the things you like without being so toxic. I know there are things you like that I don't, and I've said before that my opinions do not need to change your enjoyment of those things. Differences in what we enjoy is normal. That's living in a society while being an individual. That doesn't mean you need to stop enjoying something just because someone else doesn't like it. If they give you a reason why they dislike it (or are neutral with no intention of continuing to interact with a source/show/etc) that convinces you that they are right and you decide to stop watching/reading something because it's toxic or misleading or it changes how you interact with it that's one thing. Feeling like you have to only like things that your friends like and dislike everything they dislike is something else and it's getting into cultish territory. A friend who tries to force you to do so is not your friend, they want to control you or are themselves being controlled by another who is telling them they have to have those opinions or else, and that's not a healthy relationship to be in.