#not a day goes by when i don't think about falsettos and how it was written over the course of 10 years and just. oh my god

[takemebacktowheniwassane]

i've been seeing a lot of falsettos posts recently deconstructing the fandoms beliefs and firstly

holy fuck thank you, i try to steer clear of fandom (and fandom-izing thereof) drama but this is getting a lot more visible recently so here's some little tidbits for you

whizzer brown is not an unflawed character!

okay so i haven't seen enough dissecting this but!!! in the chess game!

the whole point of marvin using that game to determine the ending of their relationship is because he suspects whizzer is constantly deceiving him and wants to prove it.

whizzer LITERALLY proves him right!

he asks marvin to help him along (yes i know he says he doesn't want help, hear me out, it's a little more complex than that) and takes advantage of the fact that marvin is- like- infatuated with him.

he draws him into a sense of false security then starts throwing accusations at him ("since you need a man!" "what?" "who's 'brainy'," "or witty, move.") until hes able to win, which he does with ease because he's been using marvin having this idea that he isn't smart against him.

of course, marvin's side of this isn't the best either but honestly, for once the fandom should focus on a different character when they think 'insane asshole'. typically we should also probably change our perspectives a little to be more unbiased cuz fr guys, this is getting really.. annoying.

i understand he's the most visibly flawed but that doesn't excuse constantly picking the worst parts of this musical (without other context, btw) to use against him.

and this post certainly isn't here to excuse anyone either i've just got a lot of opinions that i wanted to share while falsettos is.. trending? right?

2. marvin's (headcanoned but still somewhat researched) autism

this one isn't brought up as much but when i do see it around, it's kind of a skewed viewpoint.

while rewatching bits of the proshot i realized a lot of different neurodivergent traits that he shows-

he's helpless during I Never Wanted to Love You and is childish and regressive when he's upset (not every autistic person is like this either, i know this is a bit of a touchy subject so i just wanted to add that).

usually when people depict it i see it either toned down or joked about which is fine when all in good fun, and when its done respectfully.

not here to attack anyone, just here to point it out and say that yes :) he most likely is neurodivergent, but despite that his actions aren't condoned. he's still kinda a dick who needs to get his shit together

3. ..the lesbians also have shit going on?

just putting this out there- I DON'T SEE ENOUGH FOR THE LESBIANS! OR TRINA!

the girls in this musical are like thoroughly neglected and i think that's kind of shitty just assuming the fact that william finn put them in to demonstrate how gender roles put people in degrading positions (and he even makes it more prevalent by showing marvin as something like a misogynistic character who forces whizzer into more feminine roles to show the audience what woman have to/had to go through in society).

anyways, the lesbians aren't just there guys. they have a plotline too. in Something Bad is Happening, you derive a lot from charlotte singing about the outbreak of HIV/AIDS and realize how she operates on a daily basis (she's passionate about her work and takes every bad day as a hit to her life and career, explaining in a way that as a black, jewish, lesbian, FEMALE doctor in this time, everything that goes wrong is immediately brought down on her so much more than it would as any straight white male pharmacist-).

cordelia on the other hand has to handle the fact that her girlfriend is so adamant about her work ethic that she can't actually be super present in their relationship at times like that.

but either way she still sticks by her and is constantly trying to be supportive and endearing despite feeling like she's not amounting to her gf who's basically a hero in her eyes.

i kinda just wanted to bring that up because they mean a lot to me and they don't get enough love from the fanbase, thank you for listening to my TED talk <3

[yanderehsr]

HEY DOCC!!! So, I came up with an idea. How about Blade, Caelus, Kokichi (i'm a sucker for Kokichi) and Shuichi with an idol!reader who writes a special song for them?

Kokichi is literally my favorite Danganronpa character🥰, hope you'll enjoy

Trigger Warning: Yandere, Obsessive behaviour, Possessive behaviour

Blade: He isn't really one for music, at least not happy and sappy music about happiness and fighting on. But he has to admit that hearing your voice has always helped him calm down, before he had ever even seen you his obsession began.

Even after having introduced himself to you, Blade never imagined you would sing a song about him.... he feels flattered, there is just one problem, so many bugs are listening in on this song clearly meant for him, he wants to deal with them, but he'll wait until you're done, he doesn't want you to stop singing just yet.

"You don't need an audience, I am all that you will need, your songs, your beauty and you, all of it is mine"

Caelus: Whenever he hears one of your songs he feels like he's just melting from it, he loves each and every one of them, in fact you could be screaming in falsetto and he would still think it was the sound of an angel.

So when Caelus listens to a song clearly about him, well he is shocked first of all, but said shock is replaced by joy soon after, the next time you meet him he will run up to you and hug you, a tight enough grip that you can't get away, this song just must mean that you love him, right?

"I loved it, thank you so much... uhm, would you mind singing it for me right now, I would really like to hear it in person"

Kokichi Ouma: This little shit doesn't like that you're an idol at all, sure it's fun to rile up your fans but he just can't stand everyone else gazing up at what is his, he will probably post toxic comments about you so you can come cry to him about it, not knowing it was he who sent them in the first place.

Kokichi likes to be the one in control, he likes to think he never blushes, but when he hears you sing a song that is so obviously about him and for him, well he turns as red as a tomato, oh his beloved is making him crazier than he already is, he can't wait to take you away from all these people, he will be the only one who gets to hear your lovely voice from then on.

"So my pretty songbird, say farewell to your fans cus this is the last time you'll see them... actually let's just go now, I can barely keep myself from killing them right now"

Shuichi Saihara: He's such a big stalker, he claims it's for your own safety, to protect you against any of your fans if they attack you, it could happen, he has seen it happen before, in reality he is just a creep who enjoys watching you every single second of every day.

Shuichi probably knows about the song before it is even released, he has installed so many cameras in your home that there is no way he couldn't see you write the song, he is very flattered, he even cries knowing you care about him so much, he has recorded each time you practice the song, he feels like an angel is singing to him, it's an addiction and he will never stop.

"I hope it goes well out there on scene, you sounded great practicing... H-how did I know you ask?... Uhm, see you later"

[falsettos-tight-knit-family]

Trans Whizzer

Okay I have thoughts-

I've noticed the headcanon of Whizzer being trans floating around a lot. Personally, I don't headcanon any of the characters as trans. The only character in Falsettos I even have a sexuality headcanon for (aside from ofc what's explicitly stated in the musical) is Mendel being bisexual because of the disaster bi energy he gives off.

However, as a trans masc fan of Whizzer myself, I still love the idea of him being trans. So much so, that I've thought of some headcanons for it. I learned about this idea while I was on my period, so ofc my mind immediately went to "how's he deal with this shit?" So here's the answer:

First thing that came to my mind was Charlotte and Cordelia sitting with him while he's struggling with cramps, talking about how much exercise helps lessen the pain and that he should try going on a jog with them. Meanwhile, Whizzer is lying there in agony going "You want me to what?" Like he is currently incapable of standing up, let alone doing any kind of physical activity.

Sometimes Cordelia will make him some chocolate chip cookies and bring them over. The 2 of them, Marvin, and Jason end up sharing them, since she always makes far too many for one person.

Most of the week goes by decently cramps-wise, but there's always one day where he'll be going about his day when suddenly, sharp pains have him debilitated on the ground or closest place to sit/lay down for hours at a time. The only thing that would sometimes help is putting a heating pad against his back or stomach.

Going away from cramps, I think it's pretty obvious to Marvin when it's Whizzer's time of the month. How? Well one way he can tell is when he comes home from work to the house being completely emptied of any and all chocolate candy. I don't care how much they had at the time, every piece would be devoured, unless Marvin knew ahead of time and actively hid it from him.

Alternatively, Marvin knows it's that time when Whizzer is acting more cuddly than usual. Yes, he likes cuddling and physical touch at any time, but this is different in that there are 0 sexual undertones when he's on his period. Just one big teddy bear always wanting to have his arms wrapped around Marvin in some way.

Luckily, most of the cravings he gets are things that don't require Marvin to cook anything (chocolate, ice cream, etc.) There's a lot of frozen pizzas and take-out during those weeks. Marvin says he can make something nicer for him, but Whizzer only lets him do so if he can be in the kitchen supervising because "If you start a fire, I do not have the energy to deal with it today". A non-dessert thing he'll eat a shit ton of are french fries -- fortunately, a common thing to order for take-out.

Was this mostly me projecting my own pain onto him? Yes. I don't know how much sense this made, considering it was basically just stream of consciousness lol

[taechnological]

to elaborate on what i said about taehyung and seokjin being both similar and different from each other at the same time:

they're similar in the way how otherworldly handsome both of them are. both have voices perfect for ballad songs. both are december babies. both don't shy away from voicing their opinions when smth is wrong. both are kim. both are naturally built broad, and are of almost the same height. both are amazing actors. both have very delectable necks. both have strawberry farms in the family. both are "givers" by nature. both have posted their bare backs on the internet for us to see. both are exceptionally smart when it comes to cheating in run bts. both think outside the box.

and they're different in the way seokjin's falsetto goes higher than the clouds while taehyung has a voice deeper than the pacific ocean. seokjin hates the cold while taehyung thrives in winters. seokjin is the youngest of the family but oldest in bts while taehyung is the oldest among his siblings but one of the youngest in bts. seokjin is basically a chef but taehyung can't cook at all. seokjin is loud among close friends while taehyung is more of a listener. seokjin avoids social interactions while taehyung makes friends wherever he goes. seokjin is modest, taehyung is bold. everything we know about seokjin is a myth while taehyung openly shares tmi with us like it's nothing. seokjin hasn't aged a day in the last ten years while taehyung seems like he went through puberty thrice.

[taminoarticles]

— Tamino for Style Magazine Italia, June 2023 (x) (x)

Tamino returns to play in Italy: “The warmer the countries are, the warmer the audience"

The singer will perform at the Rocca Malatestiana in Cesena on July 4th and at the Spazio 211 in Turin on July 5th. "In Italy I always like to play," he says. But "in reality it scares me to meet too many people.” A true hero of introverts.

By Pier Andrea Canei June 15, 2023

The soundcheck is over, Alcatraz sold out, a thousand Milanese waiting to see the star of the evening: the Belgian-Egyptian singer Tamino. He relaxes behind the scenes, drinks green (tea) and wears black (Armani): like a 26-year-old prince of darkness. He has gentle manners, and a voice that vibrates on a broad spectrum. From the dark depths (the school is the one that goes from Leonard Cohen and Jacques Brel to Jeff Buckley and the alt-rock genre called “shoegaze”: emo tones, monochord guitars) to an angelic falsetto.

Soon, Tamino will go out there on stage and, without doing ballets or stepping on flowers, almost motionless except for when he holds his oud (a lute of the Arab tradition), he will attract attention. He is hieratic, with the charisma of a crusader of introverts, quiet people, and young romantic heroes; what allowed him to create a following that goes from [sic], (Colin Redwood [sic], former bassist of Radiohead, left Thom Yorke's group to follow him through studios and tours) up to the Arab world, from which it takes up sounds and instruments.

Tamino: Style's interview

Amir, the title of your first album and your middle name, means "prince" in Arabic. Were you raised as a little prince?

Well, I don't think so. Princes lead a very controlled life, lots of rules, discipline. I had a free childhood.

For the idea of calling you Tamino, like the young prince in Mozart's Magic Flute, we should thank your mother, Eva (de Pauw, anthropologist, hobby musician, passionate about cultures). What was it like growing up in Belgium?

Inspiring in many ways: lots of good art, music, art movements. From the Surrealism of René Magritte, to the music of Tom Barman's dEUS, a band that has opened many doors to the alternative scene. Then there are the negative sides in the social culture: in Belgium we tend not to value the potential of others... We are made like this, we like to see ourselves laying low, leveling ourselves up.

You realized this as soon as you finished compulsory school and left to study music in Holland.

It was an enlightening and difficult experience. From cool Antwerp designers to Amsterdam street style. Two hours by train and you land in another world. I wanted to shake off the provincial part of Belgium.

Habibi: I needed love

And your first hit song was born right in Amsterdam, in 2017: Habibi ... an Arabic and universal word of love.

You can say it to your loved one, to good friends, but also to a waiter: “Come here habibi, bring me a coffee”... Well, during the first days in Amsterdam I was depressed, very lonely, it was difficult to find human ties. I was looking for warmth, love: that piece came from there.

Of that vagueness that generates universality...

I think back to a title from the Talking Heads: Stop making sense. When you write lyrics for a song, you don't have to chase a precise meaning. Better ask yourself if your words convey the right feelings.

Typically Tamino: the yearning, the nostalgia. Songs like Indigo night: nocturnal, brooding, even melancholy. You recognise yourself in it?

I certainly tend to ruminate on things a lot. Too much...

An app to free yourself from the ego

And how do you free yourself from it?

Meditation helps. I also use a specific app, Waking Up: Beyond Meditation. Ten minutes a day is enough. It helps me to free myself from the ego, to feel myself a witness of thought, of consciousness. Simply necessary. More than diet or physical training.

Sahar, the title of the second and most recent album, means "at the crack of dawn."

For me it is already part of the past: the last words I sing are “before I step into darker days”...

That is: “Prima d'inoltrarmi in giorni più oscuri.”

I mean: before facing new torments, new struggles. What helps you grow is discomfort. That's the challenge. Never be afraid to step into the unknown.

Out of the comfort zone...

I like spending some time in New York. I stay out of my own comfort zone, it's not comfortable for me. And doing so inspires me.

Lone sailor

In the video for Sunflower, a duet with the singer Angèle, you have the air of a romantic hero. Do you want to act?

In that video I enjoyed interpreting, even without lines, this figure of the lonely sailor. This was an idea from the director. I've only done a little theater and at most a few sailing trips with friends.

Would you be a testimonial for a perfume?

Well, yes, under the right conditions... For example, a prestigious operation like the Bleu de Chanel campaign with Gaspard Ulliel, with that spot directed by Martin Scorsese.

A spot that stylises the clichés of a rock star life: glamorous places, flashes, meetings with crazy people...

In reality it scares me to meet too many people. I'm a very lonely guy. Even though I’m finding it easier and easier for me to make connections lately, I steer clear of glam dinners or events.

Then you spends the whole summer on the road

I have fun at festivals. My favourite is Into the Great Wide Open, on the island of Vlieland, Holland: 10,000 people, zero cars, music, love and kindness.

Your summer also includes two Italian stages.

I always like to play in Italy. The warmer the countries, the warmer the audience.

I live in Türkiye

Who knows in the Middle East, or in Africa.

We do the biggest lives in Turkey: crazy crowds. And Egypt is like coming home: you feel that for the people it is more than just a concert.

Your surname is famous in Egypt. Your grandfather Muharram Fouad was a musical star, your father started out as a performer.

It's like an Egyptian dynasty of music. A fun fact about me being a huge Lord of the Rings fan is that I've always felt like Aragorn, the legitimate heir to the Elven throne, who travels incognito. Nobody ever knows who he is. I felt like this growing up in Belgium. It was never talked about, nor was there much money, and that side of the family has only emerged now that I'm better known.

Who among the main names would you bring next to you at the festival of your dreams?

I don't even know if I would put myself among the top names... I'd like Anouar Brahem, Tunisian, master of the oud. And then something electronic, maybe the Aphex Twins. And I dream of working with Massive Attack.

Many festivals. But never a festive song?

I should write one first. But generally gloomy, tenebrous things come out to me.

Let's say you sing one happy song and save the world; which one do you choose?

I don't know if a happy song could save the world. Lou Reed's Walk on the Wild Side?

The height of happiness.A matter of feeling: a song can be sad in itself, but make you feel good. A glimmer of hope, an air of comfort. It can wrap you in emotions. Maybe you're sad, and that's okay: because you feel alive. A song full of life: well, for me it will always be a good song.

[popculturebuffet]

Christmas in July: Nickmas!: Nickmas Unite! (Birthday Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people. Christmas in July is almost over, i'm almost on vacation, but we still have some presents for you.

FOR THE LAST TIME MICKEY ROONEY IT'S NOT YOUR TURN YET.

No we're giving you something good, as it's time to start what will be a possibly twice yearly, defintely yearly tradition as it's NICKMAS!

Nickmas is us celebrating nick's giant pile of holiday specials: Kev and Me both grew up on Nick so this is sure to be a nostalgia filled few years.

Starting us off we're tackling four childhood faviorites, the boys who headlined nicktoons unite and were some of the networks best and most notable shows: Fairly Odd Parents, Jimmy Neutron, Danny Phantom and Spongebob Squarepants. It feels like a great year to do so too: Fairly Odd Parents has a fresh reboot currently airing, Danny Phantom turns 20, Spongebob turns 25 and Jimmy Neutron... er.. fucking rips? It feels weird to do FOP without it, so it's here. It also saves me from having to do the my life as a teenage robot christmas special as while I love that show dearly, said special is contained with all the sadness and misery in the world and also kicks puppies.

I may have to rethink piling all the bad specials into one go. I may not be able to get out of that alive. But for now we have four certified classics to get through filled with holiday joy, will arnett, falsetto mr krabs, Jimmy shooting santa, holiday mob boss easter bunnies, eggnog, dead parrots, shots at arbor day and musical numbers. Lots of musical numbers. Let's begin under the cut.

We begin with our faviorite average kid who no one understands, who I was happy to revisit. I enjoy what i've watched of a new wish so far, and can't wait to binge more on my upcoming break.

For now we're back with the OG, and Christmas Every Day was a faviorite of mine as a kid and holds up just as well.

The premise like a lot of classic fairly odd parents is simple, yet crazy effective: Timmy loves christmas not just for the giant mountain of toys, enough to scrooge mcduck in, but for the genuinely sweet reason that it's the one day a year his parents don't abandon him to the cruel whims of Vicky. Also it's weird to hear her again as Grey Delise is playing her a bit younger her than she would be in later instalments. It fits, it's just weird to hear.

As a result the song about how much he loves getting the day with them is really sweet. And the interjections of "Timmy can't get a girlfriend" from both of his dads are hilarous. It gives the special heart and sets this wish apart from Timmy's usual selfish ill thought out wish: He just wants his parents to actually.. spend time with him. It's deeply sad and a reminder just how, if untetionally, sad his life is: his parents love him on some level, in the good episodes anyway, but are just ultimately oblivious to how much he really ne eds them. Good thing he got backups but still.

The wish is also accidental, simply something he muses as he falls asleep, and goes with because well.. he wants his parents to be around. That makes it so while he DOES have to undo the consequences, you don't feel bad for him nor the need for him to have some commpuance as he does in some wishes: there's no hubris here just a kid wanting more of a good thing and not thinking through the implications. It's something the early seasons of Fairly Odd Parents and the revival do well: Not having Timmy or Hazel be malicious, simply short sighted and in Timmy's case arrogant.

In this case the banks are closed, god bless online banking, the stores are closed, and the schools are closed.. which chester is fine with. This was also back when Frankie Munez did his voice. Jason Marsden was fine, but it's one of those cases where they didn't even bother to get a double. That and Frankie Voiced Chester for most of the time he was relevant, so that dosen't help. With his dad going mad from lack of eggnog which is just a great runner from his addiction, his cries of "mine" and of course lockjaw who just.. shows up out of nowhere and wins our hearts.

I also give this episode credit for finding a credible way to counter Timmy pressing undo, something the series had more trouble with as it went without either making up a rule or falling back on "cosmo and wanda loose their wands. ": Santa gets his powers FROM the fairies lending him theirs.. and after 14 or so days of not having them, his godparents can't undo it. I also like that Wanda TRIES to warn him.. but dosen't have the heart to break Timmys.

The antagonists for the specials are the other holidays represnetives: The Easter Bunny, Cupid, The April Fool, and Halloweenie Dog... whose actually just Easter Bunny's dog because Jack Skelington told him

Their simple: Cupid is camp, BECAUSE MEN BEING INTO LOVE IS GAY RIGHTTTTT, April Fool is Jerry Seinfeld back when he wasn't old man who yells at comedy for being woke, and the Easter Bunny as some form of mobster is neat. Wish he'd got a spotlight like the other two.

The antagonists are fine, their mostly kinda there. Case in point I forgot about Baby New Year whose big and a grown man now. Their fine for the plot device they are, to get Timmy to go across the world to save christmas so he can meet with Santa directly, but aren't super memorable aside from the April Fool. What's up with that? And Cupid , sterotyping aside, isn't TERRIBLE... I just don't likes him because his later special is awful and he thinks matching people is "forcing you to be with someone even if you don't want to and they stalk you a bunch".

Still Timmy's jounrey is a lot of fun, as he gets help from various kids.. including those in Quebec... which the writers think acts exactly like france, but i'll let it slide as they at least knew what Quebec was? I mean they mentioned it outright, showed plenty of canadian flags and kid me STILL thought Timmy went to france.

It also leads to a ncie climax: I like the conception of Santa here as a 90's corprate buisness man till he gets his magica nd kind to timmy, evne if he' sgetting coal for life at first for this.

The end battle is also neat as while Santa has the powers of a god... baby new year absorbs them. Thankfully the other kids all show up , the generic villians realize they done goofed, and the solution is creative: Timmy realizes the way to undo this: have EVERY KID IN THE WORLD , who belivies in santa anyway or isn't jewish or Islamic or a whole cornocopia of other religions and dosen't celebrate christmas and their repsective holidays, wriote to santa. It's a neat finish and it delivers a good lesson: Christmas is special.. because it's once a year and good to enjoy it while you got it for what it is. This special is great, a bit messy in act 2, the holidays are pretty whatever, but it has enough charm, creativity and warmth to make a truly great holiday special.

This one... is the only one me and my good friend @jess-the-vampire who watched these first three with me (We ran out of time before spongebob), didn't really remember despite growing up with all four of these. It didn't help that for her it was absent from Netflix when they had it and it's been absent from most streaming for what seems to be musical rights reasons before finally being restored to Paramount+. Even back in the day this one didn't seem to be replayed that much and unlike Danny PHantom, whose special also didn't get a lot of replay, it wasn't because the series was being shafted by the network.. yet. It just.. didn't get replayed for whatever reason while Spongebob and Fairly Odd Parents did and didn't seemingly have the OOMPH danny phantom did.

That being said.. this special's still a lot of fun and reminds me why this show is so dang good. Unlike Timmy who was on his best behavior, the special has Jimmy FIRMLY in the wrong, something the series does well. Jimmy is charasmatic, kind and often just fucks up because while he has the brain of a genius.. he also has the brain of a 12 year old and his ego and inexperince cause him to fuck up a bunch. It keeps the formula of "Jimmy's inventions cause chaos" form getting boring as how can vary: sometims it's him, sometims it's his family and why it's him, either hubris or simple childish mistakes, varies nicely.

In this case Jimmy hates christmas, specifically Santa. At first it just seems to be the typical jimmy "Science says it's not true so it isn't", questoning how it all works when Carl brings in horrifiying cheese nips from last year he left for santa, what santa didn't eat but touched. He also unintetionally breaks his friends spirit, questoning HOW santa functions enough to make carl sad. What makes this work is Jimmy dosen't do so intetnionally: Cindy won't let that shit go and spends the episode trying to humilate him for it, and let's face it more for her own ego and amusment, but Jimbo GENUINELy didn't mean to do that and apologizes later, which Carl takes easily.

He also has a resonable freudian excuse: He asked for a dwarf star 5 years ago and didn't get it, and then being who he is, spent the next 5 mathmatically proving Santa dosen't work. He's still a skeptical asshole, doubting the truth when his dna scanner picks up some of santa's dna on the cheez nips.. but Sheen's there the whole time needling him to keep it from being insufferable: he points out the obvious solution: Jimmy was just naughty (He did try to blow up the earth that year and all), and cheers on Carl whose kind and optimstic. This is the best carl: where he's not a dick, just a kind weird kid.

So Jimmy not able to let this go heads to the north pole and procides to be an absolute asshole, refusing to belivie the escalting proof from finding Santa's workshop to finding elves, figuring it's first a military base and then a toy shop

Even SHOOTING SANTA dosen't convince him. Cindy uses this to humilate him and when he sends her home.. she airs the footage, making it pretty clear that while Jimmy defintely needs to be humbled, and will be... she's in it for herself and only herself and will also get brought down a peg. It's why I like their rivalry and later relationship: Cindy isn't a super genius and can be a bully.. but she's often socially smarter than jimmy, yet just as egotistical as she razzes him for.

So this leads to our b plot which is barely there, but it's also lead by Hugh, whose the best, so it's naturally entertaining: He decides the best way to fix this? Make a pie themed holiday called Pule, sing a song about it, and then give up when Jimmy inevitibly saves christmas. God I missed him man. If All Star Brawl 2 gets another season BRING HIM BACK. BRING MY BOY BACK TO ME.

The main plot though is neat as Jimmy plans to save christmas... to prove Santa's not real

Thankfully he delivers MOST of the presents.. and also gets his hubris as trying to make his plane go super fast leads to it falling apart and Carl's happy he was proven wrong... even as Sheen poitns out

Thankfully santa saves them and I like this version: a super scientest like jimmy whose able to still deliver to retroville and while mildly sore at jimmy, is appricative he fixed his mistake. He also takes the boy down a few pegs by revealing Sheen was right. Because sheen's the best. Jimmy's proven himself though and gets his happy ending: he admits he was wrong, shows humility and gets his dwarf star. Cindy and Libby get coal as they deserve, a happy ending for all.

This specail is solid.. but I also see why I forgot it. The other specials here feel well..special. Something diffrent from the normal episode while still fitting the series like a glove. This one.. feels like a Jimmy Neutron episode that just happens to take place at christmas and be a half an hour long, not something super uncommon for this show. It's not bad, i'ts still quite good, but I can see why the other three in this batch are remembered more. They stand out more from the normal episodes and have unique hooks while this one is a pretty standard Jimmy adventure that just happens to involve him shooting santa, which is weird in of itself but really not a huge stretch from his usual adventures.

I've missed covering this show and INTENDED to do more this year, but got sidetracked by a lot of theme months and other stuff going on. I also haven't gotten back to jli

So it's nice to return to a pretty popular series on this blog and just in time for the anniversary.

It's also a great episode to come back with as Fright Before Christmas is excellent. Nearly flawless. It also has some nice character stuff as it's christmas time: Sam is not her usual self, happily celbrating everyone's holidays and loving the season. It's nice to see her not only happy , but to be the voice of reason without her usual judgmental tone: she just geninely enjoys sharing the holidays. Tucker... is sadly his usual self and dawns a missletoe hat to aid in his sexual harassment

Danny however is a real scrooge

Okay not that scrooge the other less fun one. Though Danny probably could ride a fucking lion and that's something the graphic novel writers should really consider.

No Danny hates christmas.. and for entirely valid reasons: HIs parents fight every year about wether Santa exists and unlike the other three cartoons in this block, there's no answer. I mean he could exist, we've seen nice ghosts at this point. But I like that they dont' answer their argumetn, just have the two both be dicks, with Maddie loudly telling a bunch of children he isn't real. Every year they've fucked it up from baby danny getting piddled on by a reindeer to their christmas dinner overcoking and trying to murder him and jazz when he was 5. I also like using the fact Sam is newer to the friend group for this: it makes Tucker's expositoin feel real.

So Danny goes to the ghost zone to blow off steam.. and ends up pissing off the exact wrong ghost; Ghostwriter. Ghostwriter is an amazing one off villian, one I wish came back but i'm fine didn't as his one appearnce is evne better than I remember. It helps he's voiced by batman horseman himself, Will Arnett, in one of his earlier voice acting roles and he nails it: Ghostwriter is just a write rmiding his buisness who has a legit beef with danny, unlike most of his rogues who want to kick his ass for ruining their mayhem or for mistaking them for a bully or him prevneting them from porking his mom. Danny destroys his christmas poem then dosen't apologize... and soon learns maybe pissing off ghosts after over a year of fighting them was a bad move.

Ghostwriter traps Danny in a story and what I like is this SEEMINGLY gives him the power of a god.. but it's within fair limits: he can't MAKE danny do things and while he later does directly manipulate people's actions it's in the ghost zone itslef where he seems to have more power, which makes sense: he can't manipulate the human world outside of stuff ghosts can normally do, using his power to make shit come to life (something a LOT of ghosts do on this show), so Danny will destroy it and be blamed for it with other people not having the context he wasn't responsible. He can't MAKE danny or co do anything.. but he can manipulate the situation, spending the evening making danny look bad, haunting presents, trees and reindeer to make it look like Danny's richard nixon and just wants to sneak into peopl'es homes at night and wreck up the place.

For the most part this really works: While Ghostwriter went WAY too far, danny's own anger and bad mood means he can't see what he's doing till it's too late. Ghostwriter wins.. simply by playing Danny. The only part that dosen't work is Jazz getting mad at him for destroying her bear.. when it was clearly possesed.

That said his friends clearly get something is wrong, but they'll help later. For now he finds help from the last place he'd expect it: his Rogues gallery. When he goes to tell Ghostwriter what the five fingers said to the face, Ghostwriter redirects him to a christmas party with all his foes.. not quite as good as a slumber party but still neat. In a nice twist turns out the ghosts have a christmas truce: it applies to ALL ghosts, danny included and while most of them make no secret they'll try and kill him tommorow, it's a nice gesture of good will that shows these guys aren't assholes ALL the time and adds a tiny bit of worldbuilding. It even makes more sense than I thought as most of the ghosts present, spectra, betram, ember, the princess, deseriee, are the ones either implied to be former humans or are outright said to be. Only Skulker really stands out as one that was ghost zone born and even he abides.

They don't abide people who break it and prepare to break ghostwriter. I also love how this sidelines him purely because unlike Danny's actions.. he didn't see it coming. he geninely forgot and was , not unfairly, under the impression they'd all break it. Instead they prepare to break him, but he counters. Danny counters by breaking his keyboard.. which frees everyone.. but dosen't stop thes tory. As Ghostwriter didn't get a chance to explain, there's only two ways out: for him to write an ending, which is hard to do as he's going to prison for a long time for this shit as Walker is one of the ghosts under the truce. I mean the law abiding prick is going to abide by the rules after all.

So Danny goes home miserable.. but it's his friends who pull him out. Granted I don't get WHY he never tells them what's going on, but this ending is still sweet to a point. His friends get this isn't like him and comfort him.. and Danny realizes just because his holidays mostly suck.. dosen't mean he has to ruin them for everyone else. Being a giant dick about it to everyone and everything won't make his holiday BETTER... and thankfully he can fix the damage ghost writer did as all the other ghosts show up to fix the presents because they can do that now.

Honestly I'm fine with the ending: Danny recovers, his story ends and ghost rider is fine with that in prison. My only issue is th ewhole "Maddie and jack ruin danny's christmas every year" thing is never adressed. They never.. learn anything which isn't entirely unrealistic, but is annoying. His parents... just never really get WHAT they did wrong and never get called out on it. I get Danny had to learn a lesson too but it's weird they don't. This isn't some fun tradition, it's an argument that affects their kids every. Damn. year.

Otherwise.. this is a great special, lots of fun wordplay and while I forgot to mention it, once Ghost writer takes over the whole thing is in rhyme. It's a nice touch that really gives the episode a festive feel. and the whole cast is here for it. It also helps danny as him using an orange breaks Ghostwriters concentration as nothing rhymes with orange. IT's a really great holiday special and well worth your time this july or you know during actual christmas.

Our last one and the big one here as it's the one that gets replayed the most.. granted it's because like Fairly Odd Parents it lasted forever and is still going and probably will till god emperor spongebob consumes our universe as is his destiny. It was also the only Spongebob Christmas special for a long time. We'll get to the others someday, but since they were made closer together I felt it was okay to go ahead and do the original.

We get some patchy Segments which I honestly forgot were here. I do miss ole patchy and i'm happy they used him again. It's always fun to see Tom kenny throw on the costume and it was only recently I found out that was him. I mean i'ts obvious in retrospect but eh.

The patchy stuff is fine, mostly some fun bits with potty who also looses his body. He's apparently immortal. or a puppet in universe 2. Hard to tell. Either way I fear him in the days to come.

Patchy tells us of Spongebob's first christmas, and I like the storybook style of this, complete with a few bits of Spongebob in the present getting ready and patrick.. doing the bare as minimum. Can relate.

The main story though is Spongebob finding out what Christmas is from Sandy after assuming her tree being lit up means it's on fire. Which is adorable. So she tells him about Santa and he tells everyone. Patrick's on board because he's also a children when the plot wants him to be like his best buddy, and Mr Krabs is on board because free shit boyo. Squidward naturally.. wants no part of this and is a fucked up little whiny bitch the whole episode. And his whole life but we don't have time to unpack that waking nightamare. Point is his job is to be sour and refuse to engage and call spongebob insane.. even though Sandy told him. Sandy is conviently missing from the special.

In fact I realized from this that Sandy almost never interacts with Squidward in the show's golden age. The only time I could find up to this episode was the Halloween Episode, while it would be four more episodes till Pressure, the most they really interact in this era. She tends to be either around just spongebob or spongebob and patrick, with Mr Krabs getting exactly one appearnce with her with Karate Choppers before pressure. It's not a BAD thing, Sandy easily cuts through Squidwards bullshit and he works better either being the foil to mr krabs or the ants at sponge bob and patrick's picnic.. or vice versa. Sandy's too calm and rational for his cynical nonsense while Spongebob no sells it most of the time due to his naivete and kindness. It's the same reason Mr Krabs and Sandy don't interact much either: Sandy's intellgence, level head and friendship with sponebob would make it harder for him to take advantage of our boy.

That said her absence from this one.. still feels weird. I get the story works better without her.. but it also needs her to take off, making her absence from the rest of it weirdly obvious. I didn't really notice how little she interacts with squidward and mr krabs because the show still has her go to the krusty krab on occasion, giving you the illusion they interact more than they do. Here they draw attention to her absence as her being around to tell Squidward "No santa's real you schmuck" or "He may or may not be but leave spongebob alone or else" would solve the plot.

And honestly as big and wide as this plot hole is... it ultimately dosen't matter. The story is good enough, funny enough and creative enough it just dosen't matter. Some of my faviorite gags are Mr. Krabs asking for "A Pony" (With saddlebags full of cash naturally), mostly for Clancy Brown's pitch perfect delivery. He is my faviorite and always will be. I also like the new hat guy having a head shaped for said hat, Mr Krabs falsetto in the very first christmas song, and i'm probably forgetting some as being a seaon 2 spongebob episode the joke pacing is fucking incredible.

The pacing in general works well: The specail is only 18 minutes but feels shorter as it dosen't really spare a minute: every minute either has a joke or uses the situation well as Spongebob spreads christmas to the town, Squidward continues to suck suprising no one, and we get the "very first christmas to me song" a truly heartwarming musical number with some good gags baked in. Seriously Krabs give your ex more than fruitcake. Also the star on top bit with patrick is so cute.

Santa Claus is comin tonight tonight is also adorable.. and heartbreaking when Santa dosen't come, leaving spongebob broken. Squidward does easily the most dickish thing he's ever done. April Fools as bad as it ended up... is a bit fair given both how Spongebob wouldn't stop, and how Squidward didn't mean to be the king of ashole mountain that time. This time.. he sees spongebob broke down in tears, and GLOATS taking a picture while laughing. I used to think the ending was a bit much, that because he did the right thing he hadn't earned it but... no .. it's karma.

So Squidward gets a gift from sponebob.. a custom made claranet, complete with little figures. IT's a truly sweet gesture that shows what a nice guy spongebob is.. and how much squidward sucks dirty ass in thunderstorms. And not the fun way he usually does.

So he plays santa, Spongebob buys it.. but spreads it to everyone else, forcing sqwuiardward to give away everything he owns. And this.. works better for me. I used to avoid this special as I felt the ending was a bit to omean but as I said... squidward earned it. It's somethign the middle seasons forgot: Squidward is fine being punished but he has to EARN it. It's why i'm still not a big fan of the magic conch or i'm with stupid, both feeling like predecessors to the cruller later episodes which picked on characters for no reason. Here .. Squidward can't just let spongebob have fun and while Spongebob is mildly pushy trying to include him, it's entirely well meaning and sweet. He isn't trying to force anything he just wants squidward to get a present, and Swuidward just can't let him enjoy it. He dosen't HAVE to join in.. but he also dosen't have to be a dick about it. And tha'ts why him loosing everything dosen't feel too bad for me. That and I get he'll just have it back next episode. Santa does thank him though.

Overally Christmas Who? is a solid christmas special, a true winter delight with a lot of good jokes, warmth and a well deserved karmic ending for Squidward that also has him learn some empathy

Rankings: Since any time I forget to do this kev asks me anyway let's rank these suckers.

Christmas Every Day

The Fright Before Christmas

Christmas Who?

Holly Jolly Jimmy

Not a single one of these are bad. These are all great, I just think CHristmas Every Day is the most consitent, not having the plot gaps the middle two have. Holly Jolly Jimmy dosen't have that but dosen't have the extra oomph the others do, that push to make this special feel.. special. There's nothing wrong with an average christmas episode, it's just not as memorable as the others.

So with that CHristmas in July is almost done. There's one present left i've been hinting at/threatening and it's time fo ryou to unwrap it. Until then thanks for reading.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

I was listening to my Jinmintae playlist (sounds like a mint toothpaste brand but whatever), that I made to complement my Jkaaay playlist (super creative with these names, I know), and I wanted to share my random thoughts on the songs (that I've already heard thousands of times before but whatever):

The Astronaut is still difficult as fuck to listen to. I love the song but it makes me miss Jin too much, I sobbed listening to it. "When I'm with you, there is no one else, and I get heaven to myself". But Jin is all alone now. These past few days have made clear just how hard and isolating it can be for the members and Jin doesn't even have Army now... He must miss us so much!

Sweet Night is so fucking good, I love it. The chorus is so romantic it kills me. I really love the chorus and Adora makes the song.

Christmas Tree is good too. I love V's songs but not his solo songs. It's not that I don't like Singularity, Stigma, and Inner Child, but his tracks (including Blue&Grey) not on BTS's discography are superior and I genuinely love them.

Speaking of Blue&Grey, it's a pretty song but I've never loved it (unpopular opinion, I think). I only enjoy, but not love, the rap, and I don't care for the falsetto-y parts of the song. I think the lower parts of the chorus - that V, Jungkook and Jin share - are the best.

BE as a whole is such a forgettable album to me:

Telepathy is super boring to listen to now. I think it's too sugary sweet and goes nowhere, and the production is grating and loud.

Disease is the same. The beginning is too slow (much like in Run BTS) and the song is pretty mid until the bridge. The bridge is the real highlight but the song is still bland imo, and feels disjointed.

The funny thing about BE is that I remember Hobi being worried about us not liking it because it reflected their individual tastes too much, when, in reality, after listening to Indigo and JITB, I think the problem with the album is that they tried to compromise and show their individuals colors while still sticking to what they believe the BTS sound is or should be, and ended up making something which doesn't even reflect any of them or the group itself. Ie.:

B&G sounds like a V song but it's blander and less touching and heartfelt than a non-BTS V song; Disease sounds like Hope World J-Hope trying to recreate old BTS's sound (like they did with Run BTS), but (just like Run BTS), it doesn't sound at all like old-school BTS and I think BTS either don't know what that sounds like or are incapable of recreating it; Telepathy was Suga's attempt and doing something easy and commercial like Eight but it doesn't sound like BTS and is arguably worse than Eight; LGO is supposed to be the kind of chill (Western-inspired), sentimental track the members like, but I doubt any of them would've chosen it as the tt of their own albums. Stay is actually my favorite BE song now, because I find the lyrics and style of the song the most like "old BTS". It's like a So What/Magic Shop crossover though neither of those songs is a favorite of mine.

Despite attempts to make it a more personal, self-produced album, BE is still a BTS album whose songs were mostly chosen by the company, and, thus, I don't think it truly reflects any of them, least of all BTS, sadly.

Anyway, I used to love Serendipity but now find it so repetitive? I'm not sure it aged well tbh. Also, Serendipity and Filter sound really bad and autotuned to me. To be clear, the songs aren't bad, it's just that good old Hybe production... Also, With You > Serendipity.

I was thinking that Jimin has With You, V has Christmas Tree and Sweet Night, and Jin has Yours and The Astronaut, but Jungkook doesn't have any romantic, sentimental songs. Stay Alive isn't a drama OST, and neither Still With You nor his solos are sentimental and slow and romantic like kdrama OSTs... We've never heard that kind of sound from him...

Okay, that's it! I'd love to hear Army's thoughts!

[joycececilia143]

Viva Las Vengeance

Yes, I admit it, I am a hug P!ATD fan and have been since the early days in 2006 when I was a 16-year old girl who had no idea who she was yet as a person. Panic!'s/Brendon's music has helped me through some of my darkest times, most recently at the end of 2018.

I'll spare all the details, but basically I was ready to give up on EVERYTHING, until my coworker - whom I'm still thanking for her help to this day - took notice of my precarious mental state and told me to take a breather, find a video or a song I liked and just come back to myself for a few minutes before continuing my work.

I quickly fell down the rabbit hole that is Panic! at the Disco's entire discography when one song in particular resonated with me so much that I managed to drag myself out of that pit of despair I was in and found my way back to the surface.

The song I'm talking about is Emperor's New Clothes, of which I now have 2 tattoos dedicated to this song. But I digress.

What has been baffling to me is the horrible backlash P!ATD's comeback album Viva Las Vengeance has been receiving. The "reviews" on here alone are such a stark contrast to how I've experienced the album so far. So I figured I'd throw in my own 2 cents and give a little review of my own.

This is purely my own opinion and I am in no way trying to disrespect anyone else's opinions just because I am a fan of the album, nut I thought I'd share. So here goes.

Viva Las Vengeance

I have to admit, I was skeptical when I first heard this song. It was unlike anything Brendon had ever done before and at first it felt like it wasn't "Panic!", but just Brendon doing a solo project.

As I listened to the song a 2nd, 3rd and 4th time I started paying more attention to the lyrics and that's where I found the essence of Panic!, of Brendon's songwriting and composing abilities that I had loved so much on Pray For The Wicked, which is one of my favorite albums ever.

I have to admit the song does give a glimpse into the rest of the album's overall theme, which is Brendon showing off his vocal chops in every which way he can. I agree with people saying it sounds like he's straining his voice too much, but if you've ever been to a live show of this band, you know that that's kind of what Brendon does and loves to do.

As an opener to the album, it's an upbeat song that gets you moving and for me it was something that got me pumped about this new direction Brendon has clearly decided to take his music in.

Middle of a Breakup

Contrary to what I've seen on here as far as opinions on the song go, this is one of my favorites on the entire album. Its uptempo beat, the guitar riffs, the lyrics... It's just a bop in my opinion. Even non-fans in my social circle say this song is amazing. I don't give a s*** about the lyrics "not making sense", I mean, have you heard Uno, Dos and Tré by Green Day? Barely any of those make any real sense lyric-wise but Billie Joe is still one of the best song writers in his field in my opinion.

All I know is that I'm gonna be dancing my little booty off when I watch him perform this song live this February.

Don't Let The Light Go Out

This is my absolute favorite on the entire album. From the very first listen to watching the accompanying video, I was hooked. I'm a sucker for a rock ballad-type song and the lyrics are right up my alley: angsty and a hint of a love story behind it.

One thing I will agree on with most of the reviews I've read on here is that the song is just a tad bit too high. While I still feel like Brendon is one of the greatest male vocalists of our time, even I think the chorus could have been sung in a slightly lower octave. We all know Brendon has an amazing vocal range, so in my opinion he has absolutely nothing to prove. I love the fact that he sings this song in his full chest voice and not in his signature falsetto. Nevertheless, I have seen a few live renditions of this song and I am still not sure whether or not he sings it fully live. From what I've noticed in these live performances, the verses and the bridge are 100% live vocals, whereas the chorus always sounds just that tad bit too "perfect". Even though I know he can hit (ridicilously) high notes in his full chest voice, I am a little skeptical about him doing it live in this particular song.

This is one thing I will be paying particular attention to when I see the band live on tour in a few months, not to criticize him for it, because I have experienced his live vocals in person up close and personal a few times, but just because I have been wracking my brain about it since the first live performance I saw of this song LOL.

Local God

Honestly my least favorite one on the album. I feel like this one doesn't really fit in with the rest... I can't explain it, I just don't vibe with this song as much as with some of the others.

As for the supposed "Ryan bashing", I honestly don't think it's that deep to be honest. Was Ryan's name the first one that came to mind when listening to this song? Yes, I'm not afraid to admit that. But I honestly don't think Brendon was trying to be malicious about anything here.

I think so many things happened during the pre-split days and possibly even after that that we are not aware of and that have not been made public for a reason. We can speculate all we want, but in the end the only people who know the full truth are the guys in the band and their team at the time.

I've only heard B's side of things - as far as he's been willing to share things about what happened - and I know that the split really hurt him. Regardless, I'm sure it hurt the others too, but because B's the only one left in the actual spotlight - figuratively speaking - he's the only one who gets heat for it because he put out a song that could possibly be about a former bandmate. This is like "Ryden" all over again and I wish everyone would just move on already.

T-Swift is most famous for her songs written about ex-lovers and former friends and nobody even bats an eye anymore. Just because we don't expect a certain thing from Brendon, doesn't mean he's not allowed to express himself through his music.

Star Spangled Banger

Good song, catchy lyrics, great melody, but sadly, with a title like this I kind of expected more of this song. I guess I was expecting more of a rockier, edgier, more uptempo song than what eventually made it onto the album.

But again, I admire Brendon for writing and releasing the music he wants to write. I love the song nonetheless, but again, with a title like that, I had definitely expected a little bit more from this track.

God Killed Rock And Roll

Total Queen vibes here. And I know what most people are thinking: "There's only one Freddie Mercury" and that is absolutely true. No one can do it like Freddie and no one ever will.

That being said, Brendon has never claimed he wanted to be the next Freddie Mercury, in fact, he reached out to Brian May (based on an article from an interview with Brian asking about Queen's influences on Panic!'s music).

Back when Panic! did their version of Bohemian, Brian gave Brendon rave reviews on his vocals and the band's rendition of the iconic song. Brendon has stated multiple times that Queen has been a massive influence on him musically ever since he was a tiny Beebo. So to me it's only natural to want to showcase those influences in his own work.

While some of the songs do heavily remind us of Queen's music, not once did I think "this is just a blatant copy of Queen". Brendon always puts his own spin on things and this track is just another example of that.

This song in my opinion is more of a banger than the song with the actual word "banger" in the title. This is another one - while I do think he's going into the high notes possibly a tad too much - that I cannot wait to witness live and in person.

Say It Louder

This to me is an anthem. I can't explain it, it's just a genuine bop to me. This song resonates with me because it's basically saying "f*** everyone who tells you you can't be yourself". It's also sending a message to the haters to just knock it off with the negativity and honestly, they couldn't say it loud enough "to the people in the back".

Sugar Soaker

Ultimate. Bop. I know it's basically just a song about sex, but what song isn't in some way, shape or form about sex these days? I' m not a huge fan of the seemingly glamorizing of alcohol and drug use and the objectification of the woman being sung about in this track, but again: it's not all that deep.

There are songs out there - a few rap songs come to mind, but also a bunch of country songs I can think of - that literally speak about women as objects to serve only one purpose which is not what I think Brendon was doing here,

It perfectly fits the overall narrative of the album that decribes the inevitable fall from grace many rockstars sadly go through and the music video perfectly portrays that.

The bit at the end of the video where the dude - I forget his name; is it Butch Walker? - goes "You're barely alive, man!" and Brendon goes "You're barely alive, f*** you" is just a perfect example of B's humor and I absolutely loved it!

Something About Maggie

This is the song that makes the least sense to me if I'm being honest. I can see most of the other songs fitting into the narrative, but this one it's hard to get a grasp on... It's an okay song in my opinion, not his best by any means, but it's a good message behind it.

I'm assuming the abusive person in the song isn't the character he's playing in the storyline of the album, but at the same time maybe it is? I'm afraid to say it because I know Brendon wouldn't do that to his romantic partner (the man is too madly in love with his wife, our goddess and queen Sarah Urie jk, jk, I'm not that obsessed with this man LOL), or any person for that matter.

I'm fully aware of the allegations that have been thrown his way and the comments and statements he's made in the past and while I am in no way making excuses for him, I do fully believe that he is not the same person he was during the time of most of those alleged allegations.

Anyway, the song is good but I wish we would have gotten music videos for the full album so we could actually put together and follow the whole narrative behind it.

Sad Clown

This. This song. The first time I heard I watched the accompanying music video and while at first I was like "da f***?", the song kicked off and it has quickly found its way into my top 3 of the album.

I love the esthetics of the video ( I love when B does any type of choreographed routine like in Ready To Go back in the day) and how they mix the old-timey royal setting with something contemporary like the random dance battle between the men and women. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Vocally, again, he hits notes I never thought were possible for a man to hit, but this time it doesn't feel forced. The high falsetto in this song is what he constantly does during live shows and it always seems to come out of him more naturally than his full chest voice does.

The "Vincero" that starts off the song is what my teachers used to call the "eyecatcher" in an essay or a presentation, or at least that's how I think of it. In fact, it caught my eye so much that I have it tattooed on my hand LOL. It's the motto I try to live by: "I shall win". No matter how hard life gets or what life throws at me, I'll always fight to come out on top.

All By Yourself

This song feels like an ode to the fans in some way. I think most of the fans, especially the ones that interacted with B on Twitch regularly, have felt or are feeling very alone what with COVID, people not understanding how one person, one celebrity, can make them feel so good and so seen, so understood and all of that.

"You can change the world, all by yourself", to me is B saying: "you are strong, you can change things all on your own, you don't need me or anyone else; all you need is YOU."

Fun fact: the way he pronounces the word "yourself" during most of the choruses sounds a LOT like the Flemish/Dutch pronunciation of the same word, which is "jezelf". That just caught my ear from the first time I heard this song. And just because I can't un-hear it anymore, I just figured I'd let you all suffer with me haha.

Do It To Death

Another favorite, albeit one that makes me sad. I feel like this is Brendon reflecting on the past 5-10 years of his life where it's been pretty much non-stop recording, touring, recording, touring and more recording and touring.

I've always been kind of afraid that he was spreading himself too thin (remember when everyone thought Brendon was dead at the end of last tour?) the past few years and this song kind of solidified for me that that fear was at least partly justified.

It does sound like the most Brendon thing to do to me: put all of himself into his craft and his performances until he literally has nothing left to give.

Do It To Death is an amazing song and I cannot wait - I know, here I go again - to see him sing this live. The visuals for the video are immaculate - as were the visuals for all the songs that got the video treatment on this album.

Overall conclusion

Overall the album - in my humble opinion - is amazing. Just like its 6 predecessors it shows Brendon's evolution, not only as a vocalist and a performer, but also as a composer and a songwriter. To me, he just keeps getting better as time goes on.

The man ages like a fine wine: gets better with age. I cannot wait to see what he does next, whether it be another Panic! album or something completely different (like, apparently being a father?!).

I do not care what all the haters say, I will always love and support this man and his music. I know it sounds like the biggest cliché in the world, but I do believe that if it weren't for my coworker/friend urging me to take that moment to myself 4 years ago, I would not be where I am right now. That is not an exaggeration, nor is it a cry for attention. It is simply the truth.

Panic!'s music has been a constant in my life for over 16 years and I do believe that it has helped me become the person I am today. I'm a long way from being "great" but I've realized that even just being "okay" is a step in the right direction.

NOTE: this post has been uniquely MY views and opinions. I do not mean to upset anyone by disagreeing with their thoughts on the album nor do I mean any disrespect to those who have decided to leave the fandom following all the drama from the past few years. I only ask that you extend me the same courtesy and even if you don't agree with my views and opinions, I ask you to please respect them the same as I do yours. Thank you for reading my first (long-winded) Tumblr post.

[mystiq-u]

Dating Gojo

Warnings: none!

Genre: Fluff

Note: I've done Gojo Headcannons before but those were character headcannons. I'm doing Gojo dating headcannons now! Enjoy reading.

To be frank, he never thought he'd fall in love. Till one day he just... Did.

He became extremely clingy after you started dating. Not because he was insecure but because he knew how quickly one can lose someone and wanted to spend as much time as possible with you.

If you don't like talking very much, leave it all to him.

Wherever he goes, he brings you back souvenirs.

He likes to sing to you and sing with you.

Sometimes he sings in a weird falsetto pitch to make you laugh. He says it makes him sound like Ariana Grande and surprisingly he's not that off.

His love language is annoying the heck outta you and spending quality time together. Just like a cat.

He knows you love his eyes so he rarely wears his blindfold around you. You never ask him to do that, knowing the importance of the blindfold but he does it all on his own.

He loves to hug you from the back.

He is not a morning person and wouldn't let you get out of bed in the morning either.

He keeps spoiling movies for you. You hate him for it. He doesn't care. It's all good.

When he's in a bad mood, he lies down on your lap with his eyes closed.

He loves playing board games with you.

He loves buying things for you.

He likes watching romantic comedies with you but Howl's moving castle is his all-time favourite to watch with you.

He gets very jealous when others try to get closer to you and he doesn't hesitate in showing it.

He kisses your neck and fingers when he's jealous. That's how he shows it.

His ideal date would be a karaoke night followed by dinner and ice cream.

One time he tried cooking for you. Let's just say it was a bad day for the cooking pan. (R.I.P pan...)

He got you a bird plush once and then took it to his place. It was supposed to be yours.

When asked about it, he said- "Hey, your happiness is my happiness and your sorrow is my sorrow. It's not your plush, it's ours."

You got him a cologne you liked the smell of once. He wears it every day now. To work, on dates, to get groceries, etc.

This man LOVES matching with you. It could be matching bracelets, matching clothes, matching watches or anything and he'd melt.

He gives you a deep and loving kiss every time before he leaves for a mission.

You know everything about him. His past included. He still doesn't like talking about it because it brings back bittersweet memories.

Arguments with him are never too bad because no matter what he says, you know he loves you.

Top tier cuddler.

He can be both big spoon and little spoon when cuddling.

He loves it when you touch his head. Be it to pat him, to ruffle his hair or when you try to fix it.

(a/n): These were some of the things that come to mind when I think of Gojo. Hope you liked these.

Thank you for reading.

Likes and reposts are much appreciated.

See you soon and till then, stay safe!

[ofpd]

for the ask game hadestown cuz it's the first musical I thought of

ok well i haven't actually listened to hadestown but this is my blog and i do what i want & ik you like falsettos also so im gonna do falsettos instead . ok falsettos has a Lot of songs so im gonna try not to put too much thought into any of these & im combining songs that are combined in the cast recording

four jews in a room bitching: i'm neurotic / he's neurotic / they're neurotic / we're neurotic

a tight-knit family/love is blind: love is very often debris / when you find / what you find / then never never never never never do it over again (see: what more can i say)

the thrill of first love: we ask for passion at all times / we stand to passion and drink this toast / still it's awful trying / and we're not denying / that of all the lesser passions / we like fighting most

marvin at the psychiatrist: does she sleep in the nude / no

my father's a homo/everyone tells jason to see a psychiatrist: i think you like playing chess alone / that's not normal / what is normal / i wouldn't know

this had better come to a stop: chop chop chop chop chop i chopped it / i served his food the asshole forced me / and still the bastard divorced me

i'm breaking down: i wanna hate him but i really can't / it's like a nightmare how this all proceeds / i hope that whizzer don't fulfill his needs

please come to our house/jason's therapy: so you feel alright for about 10 minutes / feel alright for 20 minutes / feel alright for 40 minutes / drop it and smile / why don't you feel alright for the rest of your life

a marriage proposal/a tight-knit family (reprise): oftentimes lovers are crazy people / sometimes they kill each other / just like a biblical brother / did to his biblical brother / back in biblical times / biblical times? / biblical times / oh those biblical times

trina's song/march of the falsettos/trina's song (reprise): they fight too hard / and play too rough / they sometimes love / but not enough

the chess game: life's a sham and every move is wrong / we've examined every move as we move along

making a home: loving our / liking our / hating our lives / making a home

the games i play: play again the music / it's a song that i've been waiting to hear for much too long / years, years too long

marvin hits trina: mendel plans to rub my back / mendel's not a maniac / and he's sweet / and he's warm / and he loves me so

i never wanted to love you: i never wanted to love you / i only wanted to see my face in yours / jason's wild / save that child / how he adores / and hates me

father to son: a man, kid / you'll be, kid / if nothing goes wrong / sing for us all / as you march along

falsettoland/it's about time: one day i'd like to be / as mature as my son / who is 12 and a half / and this tall / that's all i'd like to be / that's all (honorable mention to: shiksa caterers / short insomniacs / hypochondriacs / yiddish-americans / feisty families / radiologists / intellectuals / nervous wrecks)

year of the child: there'll be food / like food never before (this line has always been SO hilarious to me for some reason)

miracle of judaism: would they come, though / if they were invited / and not / laugh at my hebrew / and not / laugh at my father and his friends

the baseball game: just what i wanted at a little league game / my ex husband's ex lover / isn't that what every mother dreams about / having at a little league game / looking at whizzer is like eating treyf

a day in falsettoland: in the 60's everyone had heart / in the 60's we were all a part of the same team / in the 60's we had a new world to start / could this / oh god don't say this / could this be / the new world we started

everyone hates his parents: everyone hates his parents / that's in the torah / it's what history shows / in fact, god said to moses / moses, everyone hates his parents / that's how it is / and god knew / because god hated his

what more can i say: can you tell / i have been revived / it's so swell / damn it / even i'm surprised

something bad is happening/more racquetball: my spirits sag / when i read the magazines / men dressed in drag / next to their moms / passion and fashion and filler / but not a word about the killer / i like the ballgowns but jesus christ

holding to the ground: i hold to the ground as the ground keeps shifting / keeping my balance square / trying not to care about this man whom marvin loves / but that's my life / he shared my life / yes that's my life

days like this: i think you need to play some chess / jason, sit down and begin / i'll let you win, whizzer / don't let me win / i'll let you win

canceling the bar mitzvah: why don't we tell him / that we don't have the answers / and that life can be grim / life's not all about him / and things rarely go according to plan / tell him things happen / for no damn good reason / and his lack of control kills what's best in his soul / and this is the start to his becoming a man

unlikely lovers: i can't help but feeling / i've failed / let's be scared together / let's pretend that nothing is awful / there's nothing to fear / just stay right here / i love you

another miracle of judaism: i don't know if you exist / i can't hear your fingers snapping / are you just a big psychiatrist / or can you make things not happen

something bad is happening (reprise): something that kills / something infectious (this was my attempt to not just do the entirety of this very short song lol)

you gotta die sometime: death's a funny pal with a weird sort of talent / he takes me in his arms and walks me to the bed / he pins me against the wall and kisses me like crazy / the many stupid things i thought about with dread / now delight / then the scene turns to white

jason's bar mitzvah: son of abraham, isaac, and jacob / son of marvin / son of trina / son of whizzer / son of mendel / and godchild to the lesbians from next door / sing, oh sing, oh sing

what would i do: do you regret / i'd do it again / i'd like to believe that i'd do it again and again and again (see: love is blind)

falsettoland (reprise): this is where we take a stand / welcome to falsettoland

send me an album & I'll pick my favorite lyrics from every song

[rinringringu]

welcome to the very first episode of: "daniel overanalyzing small scenes from his hyperfixations that probably mean nothing but give barinrot to him!"

so i wanna talk about this scene in falsettos that! makes me think so many things!!

during the 'Marvin Hits Trina' sequence, in the end specifically, whizzer says this line, asking to himself:

"do i love him?"

marvin then replies by giving him this look:

a really good example of 'show don't tell', amirite? (seriously, the actors are AMAZING.) maybe I'm overanalyzing, but this face feels like he's just saying

"well obviously you do, you still do, right?"

whizzer then replies "no" and well, you guys know it goes downhill from there.

but i think it's quite interesting how marvin takes everyones love & affection for granted in the first act, even when he gives nothing in return most of the time. maybe there is also a hit of desperation in that lil smile, but at the end of the day, it was him who dumped whizzer, not the other way around. he expected whizzer to still love him, even after all of the things he did! which he did tbf, but he was still hurt, and he surely wasn't going to give marvin that satisfaction.

god, first-act-marvin is terrible, we can all agree. we can even see it in these little moments, but it surely helps to make his character growth in act two stand out!

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

fine line - a close reading

gonna cry bc i’m at the end, gonna cry bc it’s fine line.

(x x x)

want to give the same disclaimer as with lights up: this song is so layered, so multi-faceted, that i could never hope to give an exhaustive analysis. due to its vagueness and openness for interpretation, i assume that everyone, just like me, has their own ideas about it and has attached importance to it in ways that no one else’s words can or should alter. this song means the world to me for reasons that aren’t necessarily in this post, and that’s how it is with art that touches us deeply. i’ve tried my best to pull it apart, lay it bare, spread it open, if you will, so it’s almost as free as it can be for you all to form your own opinion on it. in the synthesis i will make my own conclusions, but feel free to ignore that if yours are totally different. i’m just one set of brain and heart taking in fine line and projecting whatever i think is right onto it. alright, let’s go

fine line, track 12

sung in falsetto

live version at the form: first verse not sung in falsetto - after first chorus goes into falsetto - like “thinking of her” has summoned her

live version at the form: first verse not sung in falsetto - after first chorus goes into falsetto - like “thinking of her” has summoned her

Put a price on emotion

pouring emotions into the art you create: how much is genuine / how much do you show - line between being authentic to your audience and giving away too much, wanting to keep things to yourself and not feeling truthful with what you’ve written

exploits of the industry: lay your soul bare - or the exact opposite, some pretend emotion - to score that hit

I'm looking for something to buy

cynical. emotions aren’t genuine, right? where can i go buy some?

～ lights up themes. fake life, industry, being a sell-out

You've got my devotion

But man, I can hate you sometimes

“you” = career, music, Harry Styles™. devoted to the craft, to the job, all the ups and downs of it, despite the hardships it brings 

“man” is deliberate: can be seen as an offhand interjection, like “man, that’s rough”, but nothing is casually placed in this song. “man” is: The Man, the heads in the industry, the people pulling the strings. The man in Harry, the man he’s been in the media all these years, the part he’s played/had to play, the man that’s in him

⟶ “hate you”: hate for industry shit, self-hate created by having to play pretend (～ only angel analysis, the persona of the Bukowski womaniser)

“sometimes” - it’s not fucked up all the time

“you” could also be a lover, but the sudden “hate” there then would be for that person, which is absent in any other song about them, doesn’t make any sense

I don't want to fight you

And I don't want to sleep in the dirt

like there’s a choice to me made, but he doesn’t want to make it: either I fight this “you” or I sleep in the dirt

“you” as the industry: if he doesn’t fight them, he might end up being a beggar, lose all his self-worth bc he gave in to everything they asked/told him to do

“you” as himself: fight your instincts, part of who you are/the persona. if he doesn’t fight to figure himself out, though, he fears he’ll also lose

“sleep in the dirt” as a sense of rejection, as well

We'll get the drinks in

So I'll get to thinking of her

drinks to cope - falling, only angel, from the dining table - or to be braver and confront emotions better - tbsl

who is “we”? who is “her”?

narrative of “you” as “lover” further disproven: if “I” and the lover get together over drinks and “I” starts thinking of “her”?

⟷ “her” could be the lover, but then who is “you”? the industry? some other person, besides that lover, harry is devoted to? multiple lovers, all of a sudden? no.

⟶ “I” and “you” are all harry, that get to thinking of “her” because she is in daydreams with him. the narrative that harry is fighting a part of him, the persona he has (had) to play bc of industry limits, makes most sense. that persona is within him now, and part of his work, but all of him, “we”, is begging to come into the light - of which she is a huge part

We'll be a fine line

balancing act. let everything coexist but pay attention that those lines don’t get crossed the wrong way. what we are, what i am, is a fine line between what makes us go under and what lets us thrive

we will be: determination to fulfil this prophecy, statement of fact “we always will be”

“we’ll be a fine line”: other way of interpreting it is that on both sides of that line is what entails “we”, all that is harry. what merges on that fine line is where it’s just right, when harry is fully himself in every way

“fine line” can also be an echo of criticism, bigotry, in the style of: it’s a fine line between being simply flamboyant and queer, between dressing like that and people thinking you’re a transvestite or summat (cause we wouldn’t want that, now, would we) - “we’ll be a fine line” could be owning all of it. putting himself in the middle of all those messy lines, as someone queer without a category

Test of my patience

patience with himself - kindness to self - took a long time to figure shit out and it was a challenge

waiting for change: industry and its allowances/openness

There's things that we'll never know

my favorite line

“we” = harry / harry and company / us in general, all of us listening 

～ tpwk “i don’t need all the answers”: deep sense of acceptance

peace to be found in accepting this!!

You sunshine, you temptress

“sunshine” - as in all the love songs (blue skies, sunflowers, summer days…): lover - possible that there are multiple “you”s in this song?

sunshine could ofc also be directed at the temptress, still

female “temptress” - “i’ll get to thinking of her” - she - it’s tempting for harry to think of her all the time, to lose himself in the “her” in him

other interpretation for “temptress”: woman he knows with negative influence in his life - resemblance to woman “you flower, you feast”, so echo of Bukowski ～ only angel, kiwi (my sunshine, my love, who is involved with this temptress…)

My hand’s at risk, I fold

⟷ tpwk “dropping into the deep end”

not showing his cards just yet / forfeits

anxious to show all of him, to take the chance, with all the risks and consequences involved

Crisp trepidation

I’ll try to shake this soon

nervousness, anxiety - about (not) taking (enough) chances, (not) laying himself bare (release of the album that reveals much more than before)

“crisp” fresh, this feeling is unfamiliar - change is coming “soon”

sense of agency: I can get rid of this feeling by my own volition and make these changes - hesitant, insecure: “try”

wants to be braver. he’s not going back, but still needs to calmly coax himself further and further into the light, out into the open (“we’ll be alright”)

Spreading you open

Is the only way of knowing you

(can anyone else hear “spread thin” like a whisper under “spreading”? or am i imagining things.)

“you” is back - the only way of knowing “you” is to spread them open - the physical

to spread someone open - very literal, don’t need to paint the picture, or to lay bare, to lay it all out 

⟶ “you” as himself - the only way of knowing who i am is by doing this: writing this album, performing these songs, letting others listen in and form their own interpretations, let this world grow where i’m laid bare and OPEN and exist as this person who has issues, who is angry, who doesn’t know who he is a lot of the time, but is still so happy to be here - let it spread and let it all circle back to me so i can grow deeper into myself

We'll be a fine line

We'll be alright

“we” = h & self, h & lover, h & fans

collectiveness from tpwk

(notes on a piano sounding like drops, like he’s emerged from the water and dripping dry)

SYNTHESIS

Everything about this song is plural. Personal pronouns are all over the place. I, you, her, we. The sound is incredibly layered, with Harry’s own voice echoing through its verses like he’s singing to himself in an empty cave. Meanings can be attached to every word like it’s a wax tablet used too many times. What Harry has said in interviews for once holds pretty true to the actual meaning, in my opinion. 

“It felt like it described to me the process of making it and how the album felt in terms of the different kinds of songs on it.” (Capital FM)

This can mean a lot of things, and I think it means all of the things, of course. It means Fine Line is a summary of all of his emotions he visited on the album, of the things he’s laid bare. And it means that the actual process was also described, as one that can be frustrating and challenging, with added industry shit. 

Harry has expressed straightforward gratefulness to his label for "leaving (him) alone” while making the album and that speaks volumes. This time, he had the chance to make his art without the constant interference of a label, which meant he could weave in criticism as well. “Put a price on emotion” is first and foremost a critique on the industry. It’s the first line of the song, setting the tone for the interpretation of this song is about the risks I took while making this album. It involves criticism on an industry that creates such an atmosphere that only a certain type of music and artist breaks through or can be successful, that limits people in their personal expression. Convinces them that it’s better that way. That it’s better to hide who they love because the general public won’t accept them. That it’s better to create a song about a fake emotion than be honest. Harry loves writing songs and being on stage, but it’s taken a while for him to be fully comfortable there as a solo artist and bloom into the person that could make Fine Line. He loves his career, but it’s also limited his freedom in ways beyond our comprehension, and it’s exploited him to the point where he didn’t know who he was, in ways that have clearly taken a toll on his mental wellbeing. To a point where he finishes this album reassuring himself, most of all, that everything will be alright.

That process of making Fine Line obviously includes Harry confronting emotions he hadn’t before. He has stated that he experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows while making it. There are things he hates, he was fighting but doesn’t want to (anymore), uncertainties he was trying to figure out but had to accept he couldn’t, risks he still doesn’t know he can take without shaking. At the centre of it all is this sense of “knowing you.” The different personal pronouns in the song paint a fractured picture, which is ultimately deliberate. That the “you” Harry is devoted to and can hate sometimes doesn’t line up with “her,” that the end focus does seem to be this “you” that is mentioned in the same breath as “man” and “temptress,” forming the “we” together with “I”. 

After having songs like Lights Up, She, Falling and even TPWK, one of the central themes on the album has undoubtedly been self-discovery, in all its pain and glory. There are no female pronouns on the album besides, obviously, in She, and then here, in Fine Line. She is about a man living with a woman “just in his head”, who “sleeps in his bed while he plays pretend.” It is very clearly a trans narrative, the story of someone struggling to put into words what they’re experiencing in terms of gender. To a point that they fantasise about running away. Fine Line brings the ideas of knowing what it all means, which Lights Up kicks off (“do you know who you are?”), Falling deepens (“what am I now?”) and Treat People With Kindness turns on its head (“I don’t need all the answers”), together. Harry is still doubtful, and the questions asked earlier in the album haven’t disappeared, but he has accepted that “some things we’ll never know.” His aim, however, is still “knowing you.” 

To have Fine Line, as the summary of these emotions of self-growth and self-discovery, echo that one female pronoun, speaks volumes. It is a direct reference to She, to that story about gender. “Her” in this song refers to “she (who) lives in daydreams with (him).” The one who still only fully comes out when they’ve had a drink. The one he’s still working to include in who he is, as he tries to figure out who he is, all of it. The song where he sings in falsetto, just like on Fine Line. Of which he sang the first verse an octave lower live at the forum, switching between those voices, those perspectives. That’s also why “you” in this song is also Harry to me. We get this fractured sense of self, this “I” and “you” conversing over a drink, this “you” Harry is devoted to and wants to figure out. “You” and “I” form “we” and all of them are Harry. The lines are blurry on purpose, there is no way to figure out where “you” ends and “I” begins. 

“You sunshine, you temptress” is the most enigmatic line in that respect, and to me blurs those lines even more between the pronouns. “You” is suddenly also identified by a female noun. And no this isn’t about some kind of love triangle. “Sunshine” aligns with all the odes to his lover in the rest of the album. So what does that mean? That there are multiple “you”s in this song, meaning that Harry is addressing both his lover and a temptress? So “her” he’ll get to thinking of, the only other female pronoun used in the song, is identified as a temptress, but tempting to do what? To take risks? And no I won’t forget the “man, I can hate you sometimes,” where "man” is not a casual interjection but an identifier of “you.” 

Or is it an echo of “the light” from Golden’s “bring me back to the light” and Light’s Up’s “step into the light”? So that the “sunshine” symbolises being in the clear, being out of the darkness running through his heart, the darkness caused by not knowing who you are. “You sunshine,” you beacon of light. “You temptress,” risk-taker and source of anxiety. You, one I need to spread open to figure out, to know about, source of happiness and despair, one I’m devoted to but also hate. You, man, you, temptress. You there, in the mirror looking back at me. 

All of you, and myself included, we’ll be a fine line. And we’ll be alright.

This song is about all of that. The self in art, the self on its own, the other, the journey, the chances, the fears, the passion. Hope. Reassurance. Confidence. And, most importantly, that everything will be alright in the end.

x

read all my lyric analyses here

[falsettos-tight-knit-family]

30 Day Falsettos Challenge in 2 Days

I found this challenge on Google yesterday, but since I feel like answering a question a day isn't very interesting content, I'm just gonna split all of them up into 2 longer posts. I was planning on doing it all in one, but then realized how long some of my answers were and that you probably don't want to read all that. So here's the question list

And here's are my answers to the first 15 of them:

1) Favorite Character: Whizzer. This should come as no surprise, I love this man with all my heart

2) Least Favorite Character: Charlotte. Not because I like her less, I just wish we got to know her more. Since she and Cordelia only got one act, I feel like I didn't get to know them as well, especially in her case.

3) Most Overrated Character: Ngl i have no idea- It's a very character-based musical and I feel like they all deserve the hype they get from what I've seen

4) Most Underrated Character: Caroline /j But honestly, any of the women

5) Favorite Couple: I love them all, but I'd be lying if I said anything but Whizzvin

6) Favorite Song: Currently, probably The Thrill of First Love. What can I say, I'm attracted to both actors and love a good argument song

7) Least Favorite Song: Something Bad Is Happening Reprise. I appreciate the pain it brings through the implication of Marvin also having AIDS, but it's ultimately only a couple sentences long and doesn't impact me as much as Falsettoland Reprise.

8) Favorite Scene: Off the top of my head, probably the Racquetball scene from A Day in Falsettoland. To be able to see them genuinely happy and having fun together as a couple is so satisfying, and it just shows how much healthier their relationship is now.

9) Funniest Scene: Again, first thing I think of is "You are gonna kill your mother, don't feel guilty, kill your mother" "Everyone hates his parents, now I see why-"

10) Saddest Scene: Fuck man idk at this point- Unlikely Lovers gets me on a lot of levels though; Marvin refuses to leave Whizzer's side, Whizzer tells him to go home so he doesn't worry (even though Marvin by his side is probably the thing he wants most), and everyone trying to focus on happier things to distract from the fact one of them is about to die. Especially on Cordelia's part, up to this post, she's basically always been smiling no matter what, and I think this is the first time the smile starts slipping and it's so important to her character to me-

11) Best Character Development: I haven't delved too deep into the depths of their characters, so I'm gonna go with the most blatant change from Act 1 to Act 2, Marvin. He goes from a complete asshole whose internalized homophobia and misogyny fuck over everyone else in his life, to a genuinely good father and partner who has learned from his mistakes.

12) If You Could Change Something About The Musical, What Would It Be? I'm the worst critique, does it count if I say I wish they'd kept a lot of the lines from the original versions of the songs for the revival? Both ones for comedic value ("It's queer Mr. Marvin") and ones that give more depth and understanding to the characters (Can't find the exact quote, but there was a cut line from Trina explicitly about suicidal intentions)

13) A Moment That Made You Change Your Mind About A Character: I remember thinking Mendel was more annoying in the beginning and I'm not sure exactly when it changed. It might have been a Marriage Proposal when I got to see he and Trina's chemistry together that made me see him as less annoying and more just awkward and endearing.

14) A Song You'd Want To Be In: Either The Thrill Of First Love I'd just really like to be part of that choreography, or The Baseball Game because literally any role in it would be fun in my opinion. Either I'd be done with Marvin's bullshit or, in Cordelia's case, laughing my ass off at his antics.

15) A Character You'd Want To Play: Either Whizzer or Cordelia. Whizzer because he's dramatic and petty and I think he'd be fun, and Cordelia because she's just me as a girl so I think I could do her justice.

[cidnangarlond]

(For the ask meme u rb'd yesterday!) OK um.

1 3 4 5 6 7 8 10 11 16 18 21 23/40 25 30 33 34 36 38? You don't have to answer all those. I have no self control 😶

OH AND Happy Pride Month Mars!!! 😊❤🧡🤍💖💜

BREN HAPPY PRIDE MONTH !!! <3 AND YAY ASKS

1) What's your favorite way to dress?

As casually and relaxed as possible honestly unfortunately I do not look hot when I wear sweatpants I just look Bad. If you look hot when wearing sweatpants dni I hate u /j

3) What movie/game/etc. helps you calm down?

HMMMMMM movie wise just like. Anything I deeply deeply love so catch me watching "The Thing" (1982) dir. John Carpenter when I'm mad about something or like. a dudebro action movie because I am unfortunately my father's child

4) What does your room smell like?

I don't think it has much of a smell at all honestly but if anything maybe like. a dryer sheet that's a day or two old nothing pungent or overwhelming

5) Do you like to organize?

I LOVEEE organizing stuff specifically like files and alphabetizing and putting things in order like that. If it's my room I Do Not See It but in high school I worked in the library a few times as a class and if we had to get dispersed b/c the people weren't there or needed the library for another reason we'd go to the office and I'd file sick notes and I was like WAHOO YES I GET TO FILE AND ORGANIZE... LIVING THE GOOD LIFE there might be something wrong w me </3

6) What kind of music would you listen to if you could only choose one?

Cop out answer showtunes because showtunes can have or be any genre as long as they're musicals :) Stream "Hadestown" and "Falsettos" also sorry for liking musicals :(

7) What song is your aesthetic?

The song changes depending on my mood or whatever aesthetic I'm trying to go for but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh whatever "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode gives off that's what I want and what I want to be. I have a lot of songs I vibe with this is HARDDD

8) What color do you think goes best with your personality?

Purple ! :) I just think it's a neat color and also my favorite and also can be very calming and soothing !!

10) What do you wish you hated, but actually like?

MMMMMMMMMMMM we'll go with a food lens on this one. Veal. Also shitty dudebro action movies dude I was obsessed w "The Expendables" for a long time when I was like 12 if you want answers I can't give you them because I don't know either <3

11) Vague about your crush(es)

LIVES IN ARIZONA AND I WANT TO MEET THEM SO BADDDDDDD STOP LIVING SO FAR AWAY FROM ME!!!!! >:(

16) If you could pick any planet besides earth, where would you live?

Uranus for the laughs but Pluto because Pluto has a heart on it :)

18) What animal would you keep as a pet, if you could?

FERRET I WANT A FERRET SO BAD THEY'RE SO NEAT

21) Is there a song you can't handle listening to, even though you like it?

Any song I've had on a playlist for longer than 6 months </3 I will skip right over them but uhhhhhhh "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac is a great song but it was ALSO the first song that came up when I hit shuffle on a playlist on the way to granddad's funeral like a year ago now so when I hear the song I just associate it w all that and I'm like ok let's cry now :)

23) Do you like soft, fluffy blankets or rough/smooth blankets?

HMMM soft fluffy blankets for lounging around and the rough/smooth ones when I'm going to sleep because fluffy blankets retain heat like a mf and you WILL wake up sweating if you fall asleep with them

25) What country's history do you find the most interesting?

Genuinely cannot think of an answer for this one because like. They're all interesting ? Also any time you read about a country there's a 95% chance you'll find "invaded and colonized by England/France" in the history and you're just like wow world history is a mess! how was this only a single semester long class in high school there's literally so much to talk about

30) What instrument do you wish you could master?

Any instrument at all bc I have no musical talent and I'm mad about it!! Piano or violin would be pretty cool :) I was obsessed w wanting to learn the violin for a while in 8th grade and into high school I blame the music class I took for that. OR THE SAXOPHONE THE SAX MY BELOVED

33) Do you have any strange fears?

My sister and I to this day refuse to keep a shower curtain fully closed because we're afraid that somehow. some way. Jason Voorhees will be there once we pull back the curtain. Also things hiding under my bed if I'm especially paranoid I'll vault myself onto my bed like I'll take a running start and everything. Also also seeing things in my reflection, people breaking into my house just to mess with stuff and leave and not actually take anything, being watched from the shower drain or vents in the house, and anything that's been shown in the Final Destination series <3 laser eye surgery my beloathed

34) When you get angry, how do you show it?

In unhealthy ways but I'm getting better at being non-destructive and not hurting myself ! It only took 22 years of my life but better late than never <3 But my first instinct is always to like, break or hit something even if it's myself or my own property but from an emotions standpoint someone could tell if I was angry if I was just consistently silent or snappy and rude for no reason and the vibes I will just give off are. not good ! like just by looking at me you could probably tell if I was mad but also my resting face can either make you think I'm sad, pissed/angry, or tired ! It really depends shdfjkf

And I answered the others in the last ask I got ! Thank u Bren my great friend Bren :)

[hyggeligbirch]

Straight Through Me

An EXO Fanfiction

pairing: jongin x baekhyun word count: 7 748 warnings: Major Character Death: Suicide

summary: On their one-year anniversary, Jongin goes through a scrapbook Baekhyun has left him.

parts: this || alternate ending

A thin black leather-bound book sits on the coffee table.  Jongin walks over and picks it up, the leather feeling cool in his hand as he falls backwards into his grey couch, too-soft cushions swallowing him up.  “To one year” is printed in Baekhyun's neat handwriting against the gold title plate on the inside cover.   A nose at his knee keeps him from turning to the first page.

           Jongin reaches out and scratches at Kongju's ears. “You want to sit with me, girl?”

           She whines and bumps her nose into his hand, earning another scratch and a little laugh.

           “Come on, girl.  Up!”  He pats the seat as he gives the command.  Kongju barely has to stretch as she heaves her body onto the couch.

           As she curls into his side, nose resting on his lap, he turns the page.  The picture on the page snags his eyes first, but he passes over it quickly; he'll look at it later.  It's the silvered handwriting that takes his attention now, and his fingers trace over the raised ink as he starts to read, quickly falling to scratch at Kongju. Baekhyun's printing has always been so neat, and this is no different.  It was hot, it begins.

--

           It was hot; the sun was yellow, and they really should have been wearing sunglasses.  But they were stupid college boys and it wasn't like they'd planned to play football.  At least, most of them hadn't planned to play today.  Minseok and Luhan seemed a little too prepared for the pick-up game, already having teams chosen and summoning a ball from thin air, but those two were always ready to play, so there really was no telling.

           It was a good game, the first five minutes. Then, Baekhyun tripped over a spectacular pass.   He fell heavily, clutching his ankle, whimpering at the pain.  Play ground to a confused halt as the ball just disappeared. Junmyeon ran over, sweaty and exhausted despite having done absolutely nothing useful on the field.  He knelt down, taking Baekhyun's ankle in hand, carefully turning it back and forth.  Baekhyun whined at the treatment, slapping at the man's hands.

           “That hurts!”

           Setting the foot down, Junmyeon rocked back onto his heels.  “I can't help if you won't let me look at it.”

           “Do you even know what you're looking at?” Baekhyun scowled, wincing as his own fingers probed at his ankle.  “Get Yixing to look at it.”

           Yixing was pushed forward, face blank in confusion. It wasn't too hard to recognize the situation, though.  A quick, gentle roll of the joint in his hands had him saying, “That's a bad sprain. You should sit off of that for a while, and ice it when you get the chance.”

           “But Luhan's team's creaming us!”

           “You're not going to make that much of a difference. Sit out,” Kyungsoo deadpanned.

           Disgruntled, Baekhyun lets Yixing help him off to the side, plopping heavily into the grass.  There was a rushed discussion behind the two and an unfamiliar face settled down next to him.  

           “I'm Jongin,” the stranger gave a slight bow, one arm resting on his knee, other settled in his lap.

           “Jongin, get back on the field!  Junmyeon will sit out!”

           Jongin yelled out at the field, “Get back to playing!” Laughing, he turned back to Baekhyun. “Sorry.  Luhan's not real happy about losing his best player.”

           “You're his best player?”

           “You know it.  Here,” he pulled Baekhyun's injured leg up onto his own thigh, “you should keep this elevated.  It'll help keep the swelling down.”  With that, he turned back to the game, careful to touch the other as little as possible.

           Baekhyun stared at him, then back at the game. “Looks like losing you didn't hurt them at all,” he muttered, crossing his arms and trying to ignore Jongin as much as possible, which was difficult with the positioning of his foot.

           Baekhyun sighed.  “Luhan's got the ball again.  He's running, he's running, he's run – and Minseok steals!  It won't last, Luhan's too good – and there's the steal and the ball's going back.  It's driving, it's driving, it's driving and there's the kick!  There's no way Kris is going to catch – ow.  That it looks like it hurt!”

           “Hey, announcer,” Jongin was smiling, and Baekhyun's stomach flopped at the sight.  “Does it count as a goal if the goalie blocks it with his face?”

           “No.  No, it doesn't,” he scowled back.

           “Then I guess you were wrong.”  And that disarming smile was back as Jongin turned back to the field.  “Is it my turn now?”  Without waiting for confirmation, Jongin started up.  “And that's been deemed no goal!  The ball's back at play and Minseok's lining up for a penalty kick – apparently giving the goalie a bloody nose is a foul -”

           “That's not how to do it.”  Baekhyun pursed his lips as he complained, swatting at Jongin's arm.

           “What, you think you can do better?”  From the way Jongin's eyebrow raised, this was a direct challenge.  

           Baekhyun wasn't going to let that one slide. “Minseok's lining up the penalty. He's got a good shot at it, too. Chanyeol's squared up.  Minseok kicks and it's – it's in!  Minseok ties the game with his first point!  And now the ball's back in play and there – they're off.  The teams are getting smaller every minute, though, folks!  It looks like Sehun's been thrown in as goalie for Team Minseok and Team Luhan's down to four as well.”

           “If Team Minseok would stop getting hurt, this game might go a little better,” Jongin said in a nasally falsetto.

           Baekhyun laughed and continued, pitching his voice up to match.  “Don't listen to that!  The game is going great!  There's some great play on the field, there.  Minseok passes to – Luhan.  Luhan's intercepted and the ball is now going in the other direction.  And Luhan's got it mostly down the field – field's absolutely empty – no, there's Tao coming up behind, looks like he wants the ball. Will Luhan pass it?  It looks like he will!”

           “No!  It's a fake-out!  Right at the net and it looks like Sehun's there.  No goal! No goal!”

           Baekhyun tried on another voice, a deep one that twanged over the words.  “Looks like the tides are turning, folks.  Tao's pitching a fit, so we'll be back in ten.”

           “Do you have a name?”  The question was sudden and direct.

           Baekhyun jumped at the look Jongin was giving him. “What?”

           “Do you have a name?”  Jongin's smile was patient as he repeated the question.

           “Yes.  Baekhyun.” He was startled and a little nervous and Jongin's leg was really warm on his ankle, or maybe that was just the inflammation.

           “What do you do when you're not hurt on the sidelines, Baekhyun?”

           “Oh, I'm a business major.  It's nothing interesting.  Lots of numbers and people.”  And it sounded just that boring when he said it aloud.

           Jongin twisted a couple of blades of grass in his fingers.  “You seem like you like people.”

           “I don't….What do you do?”

           “I keep hurt people company, of course.” Baekhyun wasn't sure if Jongin's smile intentionally got brighter, but it was almost blinding.

           “That's not what I meant!”

           Jongin laughed at his indignant face.  “I know.  I'm studying dance.”

           “Really?”  The excitement was clear in Baekhyun's voice.  “Are you any good?”

           Jongin's face fell.  “I'm working really hard, but I'm not good.  Not yet.”

           “You'll get there.”

           A scream from the field interrupted the conversation and the two turned back to the exciting game, commentating the actions on the field in increasingly ridiculous fashion.

 Final score: 3-1 Minseok.  Not that we noticed.

--

           Jongin smiles at the memory.  Baekhyun's words capture a different side of that day than he had ever seen before.  He – Jongin – had just been being nice; it was only fair that if Minseok's team lost a good player, Luhan's should as well.  And if they were both sitting out, why shouldn't they chat?

           He scratches at Kongju's head as he looks at the accompanying photo.  The intention of the photo had been to capture Team Minseok in their win (Minseok with his massive smile, hand on Chen's shoulder as Luhan pouted in the background), but a massive lens flare obscured most of the photo; the only thing distinguishable were the two figures sitting in the background.  They'd been having such a good time talking over the game that they'd been loathe to get up afterward.  Jongin remembers helping Baekhyun limp over to the crowd as they discussed where to go for dinner and marveling at the way the pale sun turned a soft gold as it caught in Baekhyun's hair.

           Kongju lifts her head and whines as Jongin reaches out to turn the page.  “It's okay, girl,” he said comfortingly, letting his hand back down to pet her head, “I'll pet you in just a minute.”

           She whines again, throwing her head back against his stomach.

           “It's okay, girl.  Sit still.”

           She settles back against him, dropping one of her great paws on her lap along with her head.  He chuckles and turns the page, crossing his legs to get more comfortable.  He groans at the picture.  It's a snapshot of him and Baekhyun – who took it? - playing the pepero game. There was no way they had gotten that close!  His eyes track across the page as he shakes his head, honing in on Baekhyun's neat silver penmanship, wondering just what Baekhyun had seen in this moment.  The letters shake just a little on the first words, as if Baekhyun had been laughing too hard to hold the pen steady. Junmyeon spent the night passed out in his bed…

--

           Junmyeon spent the night passed out in his bed. He'd had a few too many drinks; after the third time he fell into the couch trying to find the bathroom, Kris took pity on him and helped him to his room.  Taking advantage of Junmyeon's absence, Yixing made a blunt appear and passed it around.  Tao, temporarily lacking parental supervision, gave it a try.  Between coughs, he unleashed a spectacular string of Chinese swears at Yixing, and fell back into the wall, looking for someone to protect him.

           Between the booze and the weed, they really should have expected the suggestion of truth or dare – and the ensuing game.

           It started off fairly calm and relatively decent. The truths slowly became more outrageous and the dares more frequent – give a dance, sing a song, chug a beer – until Luhan took the dare offered him by Chen: kiss Minseok.  They weren't out and open with their relationship, but they were obvious enough that the others had suspicions, and maybe it was that fact, maybe it was the drugs, but there was no shame when Luhan kissed Minseok, heavy and open mouthed and way too long for the situation.  Suffice it to say that there were no more dares for the two of them.

           The highlight of the game was, however, when a very drunk Chanyeol made Jongin a dare that he could barely say without choking on his laughter, which really should have been a red flag.  “Play the pepero game with Baekhyun.”

           Jongin wasn't repulsed by the idea, and Baekhyun thought it would be all good fun – or maybe that was the alcohol talking – and suddenly there was a stick of pepero between their mouths.

           They were doing very well until Jongin could feel Baekhyun's breath on his face and something triggered in his brain and he panicked and broke off the game.  Baekhyun was bright red and Jongin was sure that was just the alcohol, but he was just as red.

           There was a triumphant roar and disappointed sighs as money changed hands.

I couldn't look him in the face for days.

--

           Kongju pushes her way further into Jongin's arms, her wet nose rubbing in his face as she moves, tail thumping on the couch.

           “Kongju, sit still!”  One hand holds the book up, protecting the pages, and the other pushes against Kongju's chest as he snaps the order.  She whines and licks his face a few times before obeying and lying heavily across his lap.  The weight is comforting as he turns the page.

           The black paper feels rougher against his fingers now, and there's a tickle in his throat at the picture centered on the left-hand page.  The seven of them – Minseok, Luhan, Baekhyun, Jongin, Tao, Kris, and Yixing– they're all in too big sweatshirts, most of them wearing sand covered jeans, and the ocean breeze has swept their hair up and up and up – are all laughing, smiles bigger than their faces and Jongin can feel the chill from that day sunk deep into his bones, even now.  As he moves his attention over to Baekhyun's writing, his thumb covers a pair of smiles – Luhan and Minseok, heads together, arms around each other, but they were always like that, off the field at least.

           The black ink is dark against the white page. We were stupid…

--

           “We were stupid to come out here,” Tao moaned. “It's too cold to swim and there's nothing to do but stand out on the beach.”

           His pouting was largely ignored in favor of setting a blanket out on the sand and distributing sandwiches.  It had been a long drive to make it to the beach, and they were all hungry.  Tao's mood would clear up once he had a little bit of food in him.  Somewhere within lunch, the conversation turned to the ocean, and what it pity it was they couldn't swim in it.  To make up for it, the suggestion was made – losers of Rock, Paper, Scissors had to go swim.  With disgusted groans Jongin and Baekhyun quickly lost.  While they went down the water, the others sat and chatted.

           Baekhyun only wandered in to the water to his waist, the cold water freezing all the way to his bones.  Teeth chattering, arms rubbing on himself, he tried to stay in long enough for it to count as 'swimming'.  Jongin, on the other hand, decided that if he was going to get in the water, he was going to get wet, and dove in head-first.  To his determination, the cold water wasn't too much of a problem.  Eventually he swam near Baekhyun, who was still freezing and chattering, wishing that they could just get out of the water soon.  The cold water shocked Jongin's lungs as he dove under, intent giving Baekhyun a scare.

           Instead of the shock of cold hands grabbing his ankles underwater, Baekhyun received the shock of Jongin going under the water and not coming up for what seemed like far too long.  In a panicked reaction, Baekhyun splashed over to where Jongin had gone under, finally braving the cold water enough to throw his hands in, searching for the other boy.  He managed to catch hold of Jongin and pull his head above water, where the boy coughed a little and managed to breathe again.  With the concern in mind, Baekhyun helped Jongin to the land, where the two were greeted by towels and a seat and cocoa from a thermos.  After the initial shock and panic had died down, a phone was procured and a selfie was taken of all of the boys.  Minseok and Luhan were hanging on each other; Tao, arm stretched out to hold the camera, was sitting alone, but close to Kris, avoiding the dripping boys as much as possible; Yixing was barely in the frame, looking like his attention had been gotten for just that moment; Kris was smiling, but also just trying to avoid the boys in the center – Jongin and Baekhyun. The two were completely soaked, hair and clothes plastered to their bodies and towels wrapped around their shoulders; cups of cocoa were clenched in their hands, but all of the boys looked so very happy.

 Only idiots would swim in water that cold.

--

           Irritated by Kongju's whining, Jongin pushes her off of his lap.  “Go out, girl.”  She stares at him for a moment before plodding off to wait at the door.  He pats her head as he grabs for her leash, and is surprised when she ducks away from him and steps backwards.  “Do you need to pee?  Then let's go out.”  She whines at him, pushes at the door again, and, getting no further responses from Jongin, curls back up on the couch.

           He sighs and sits back down next to her. “What was that about, girl?”

           She huffs at him and slowly wags her tail.

           He picks the book back up, turning to the next page.  An old recipe rubs under his fingers and he starts to read the next memory.  It was the first time…

--

           It was the first time Baekhyun had come to Jongin's apartment.  Jongin was in the kitchen, trying to make supper without accidentally feeding Kongju, who insisted on bumping into his hips every time he tried to move.  He was nervous – he and Baekhyun had only known each other a few weeks, but they'd been getting on very well, and, upon finding out that the other would be left alone over the weekend while his friends were on a business trip, Jongin invited him over for the day.  It was a fine idea until Jongin realized that the two would probably need food, and he couldn't cook much at all.  

           He was making what little he could when there was a knock at the door.  Hastily leaving the stove and throwing a “stay” at Kongju, he ran over to the door and pulled it open.

           “Welcome, come in, come in,” he said, backing up to let Baekhyun in, twisting a hand in his apron.  “You can just leave your shoes here – there's nowhere specific they need to go – and I do have some spare slippers if you -” A sharp bark interrupted his nervous words and he cursed, having forgotten to turn the burner off.

           As he ran back into the kitchen, the acrid smoke of a towel burning filling the air, Kongju came running out of the kitchen to investigate the visitor.  Distracted, Jongin didn't have time to give her sharp “stop” before he heard the clack of her nails on the wood floor as she launched herself with a happy bark at Baekhyun.

           Throwing a plate over the towel which, while technically not on fire, was still smoking, Jongin ran back to the main room.

           “Kongju!  Off!” He grabbed onto her collar and wrestled her great mass off of the visitor.  “I'm so sorry.  We're still working on appropriate behaviour around guests.”

           Baekhyun sat up, rubbing his chest.  “That is a big dog.”

           “Yes, she is.  Are you okay?”  Jongin had one hand on Kongju's collar and the other hovering above Baekhyun, anxious to make sure that he was okay, but too awkward to touch him.

           “I'm fine, I'm fine.”  He groaned as he stood up.  “How big is she?”

           “She's only about 40 kilos, but when it all lands on you like that… I'm so sorry.  Are you sure you're okay?”

           “Yeah.”  Baekhyun started to laugh.  “I wasn't expecting that.”

           Jongin was laughing too.  Once the two had calmed a little, Jongin sent Kongju to her crate and asked Baekhyun through to the kitchen, where a couple of chairs and an end table made for a makeshift dining table.  Apologizing for the setup, which Baekhyun assured him was fine, Jongin brought out the dinner he had prepared: hotdogs and crisps.  There had been beans to accompany, but they had been lost to the fire.

           The food was good, for being so slapdash and cheap, and Baekhyun thought that it was sweet Jongin would go to the lengths to cook when he so obviously didn't usually.  Baekhyun commented on the size of the apartment, and it's cleanliness. When they finished eating, Jongin just dumped the plates in the sink and the two moved back into the main room to hang out.

 And the whole place smelled just like Jongin.

--

           Jongin turns the page, sparing a glance for Kongju, who has settled her head on her paws and is just staring at him.  He's confused by the four-leaf clover that falls from between the pages, picking it up and letting it twirl between his fingers. Baekhyun's penmanship is shakier than previously here, but it is still perfectly legible.  It started pouring…

--

           It started pouring, on that summer day.  The sky had gone from beautiful, light, clear blue, to a roiling grey in a matter of moments, catching the boys by surprise. They yelled as they ran for the nearest shelter, hands over their heads.

           They sat in a corner of the bathroom facing the doorway; here they were far enough from the opening not to get wet, but close enough that it wasn't the grossest part of the bathroom.  The rain was very loud on the tin roof – they were in a nature preserve or the like, and the bathrooms weren't terribly high-tech. Thunder started rolling fairly quickly and Baekhyun nervously played with a four-leaf clover he had picked, twisting the stem between the pads of his fingers and tugging gently at the leaves while Jongin tried to make small talk.  Eventually the two both quieted and just sat to wait out the storm. Baekhyun was incapable of sitting still and quiet for very long, though, and started singing under his breath. When Jongin realized where the noise was coming from, he asked Baekhyun if he sang much.  Baekhyun said he didn't, and was flattered when Jongin complimented his voice and asked him to sing some more.

           The storm was long and loud, but their little space was peaceful and calm.  Baekhyun asked Jongin if he would dance, since Baekhyun had been singing, but Jongin said there wasn't enough room and he wasn't good enough yet.  As the storm died down, Jongin helped Baekhyun stand up and the two stood at the doorway, watching the way the grey parted for the warm yellow of the summer sun.

 It was worth the hoarse voice for that little moment of calm.

--

           It's starting to get a little unnerving, the way the Kongju is just sitting and staring at Jongin, and he spares her a little pat as he goes to turn the page.  She whines at his hand on her head, tail completely still.  He thinks that she's finally worn herself from her whining. He turns his attention back to the book, expecting a small photo or memento and a short memory, like the rest of the pages.  Instead, he is greeted by two pages covered by small, glinting, silver handwriting. Squeezed onto the page, the memory begins.  It was obsidian…

--

           It was obsidian stone, cut precisely, all sharp edges and glimmering faces, weighing in his stomach, slicing open his lungs.  Baekhyun curled onto his bed, disregarding the papers scattered there – grade cards covered in red, papers never completed, rent reminders and bills – and pulled his knees to his chin, wrapping his hands around his stomach tightly. The pressure wasn't as comforting as he had hoped, but it was better than nothing, and at least this way his innards wouldn't be able to spill out when the knives inside of him inevitably slit him open.  Everything was black, was black, was black and weighted, pressing on his head and his eyes and his skin until he wanted to cry – to scream – to sob from the pain. He shuddered as his fingers scrabbled at his sides, trying to find something to hold on to as his mind told him he was falling falling falling.  The buzz of his phone echoed in his head, filling the space between his ears and he didn't care because at least it was louder than the thoughts echoing there.  Lacking the energy to even think of answering, he pressed his forehead into his knees.  If asked, he couldn't have said whether his eyes were closed or the world had just gone black.  

           All of his focus, all of his energy, went to the pain of the obsidian in his abdomen.  It jabbed into his lungs, making him gasp for breath.  It stabbed his heart, making it beat erratically. It sliced his veins open, filling his lungs.  It punctured his arteries, coating his organs.  He thought he was drowning.  He thought he was dying.

           He thought it might be easier – better – that way.

           And then there was a click at the door – barely recognized in the fog of his mind, barely distinguished from the echoes already there – and it swung open quietly.  Jongin's feet moved quickly, quietly.  The door was shut and he had made it to Baekhyun's bed, not that it was far, the studio apartment was so small, so small.  

           And Baekhyun was so small with his knees at his chest and his forehead tilted to meet them and his arms hugging himself so tightly.  Jongin hurriedly set the bag in his hands down on the floor and grabbed a pillow off of the floor.  He propped it against the headboard of the bed and slid his hands under Baekhyun.

           If Baekhyun looked small, shivering on his bed, he felt even smaller in Jongin's arms.  He was so thin, like he hadn't eaten properly in weeks, like he would break if Jongin held him too tightly.  Jongin's strong hands sat Baekhyun up so, so carefully and, with great effort, Baekhyun opened his eyes.  Unfocused, they watched Jongin bend back down to pick up the bag, sit back down on the bed.

           He felt, rather than saw, something small and warm pressed into his hands.  His fingers were forced around something small, thin, metallic.  Jongin's worried eyes watched as Baekhyun simply sat there, fingers limp around the bowl, spoon falling, splashing soup onto their pants. It was a soft motion when he reached out to take back the dishes, ever so carefully pulling them from Baekhyun's hands, which released them far too easily.

           Baekhyun's mouth opened reflexively when the warm metal of the spoon pressed against it, lips parting just enough for Jongin to tip the soup in.  A few more bites and Baekhyun's eyes focused and his hand came to grab the spoon.  Jongin helped him with first few bites, then let him feed himself, staying close to him, one hand at his back, the other hovering to assist if needed.

           Once Baekhyun had finished the soup, some small colour returning to his cheeks and his eyes losing their focus again, Jongin pulled the bowl away from him.  Picking him up again, Jongin helped Baekhyun lay down, carefully arranging the small boy to be as comfortable as possible.  He pulled the covers up to Baekhyun's chin and smoothed down his hair, rubbed his back gently.

           “Baek,” Jongin's voice was a little rough, very hushed. “Baek, I'll stop by after practice. Try to get some sleep, all right?”

           Baekhyun stared blankly at the wall as Jongin locked the door behind himself.

             It was still so empty.

--

           Stunned, Jongin turns the page quickly.  His eyes fall immediately upon the perfectly formed words and he begins to read.  People always say that hospitals are too white…

--

           People always say that hospitals are too white. As Baekhyun opened his eyes, he learned why.  The white walls and floor and sheets blinded him, scared him, feeling too close to his own mind.  He was so sore, all over, but especially his head and – his throat.  His throat.  It burned as he breathed; it burned as he swallowed.  His eyes watered at the pain and he tried to reach up to brush them off, but was met with resistance.  Something was tugging on his arm, in his hand, and it hurt to move against it.  He mewled against the pain, voice rasping and catching and tearing his throat raw again.  There was a noise to his right; he turned his head as much as possible and was stunned to see Jongin jerking awake, one hand rubbing at his eyes as he leaned forward, worried eyes darting across Baekhyun.

           Baekhyun was confused, but he found his voice first, rasping out against his raw throat, “What's going on?”

           Jongin rubbed the back of his neck, eyes darting to the door.  “I don't know if – I don't think – I don't know, Baekhyun.”  He sighed, eyes never leaving Baekhyun's face, fingers twisting at his jacket.  “Do you, ah, do you remember?  Anything?”

           Baekhyun shook his head, but his concern had been mounting with every word out of Jongin's mouth because he didn't usually sound so scratchy.  So destroyed.

           “Okay.  They – the doctors – they said that might happen.  I'll go get a nurse, just wait here.”  And with that, Jongin left the room, returning a moment later with a nurse.

           A bevy of doctors followed – physicians and surgeons and psychiatrists and psychologists – and they examined Baekhyun and asked him questions he couldn't answer, couldn't answer.  Eventually, one of them, seeing Baekhyun's distress, patted his leg and, on his way out of the room, said, “I think this might go better if you explain things to him.”

           Jongin stared after him, hands gripping his knees and eyes wide, before sinking back into himself.  He coughed, clearing his throat, but his voice still came out rough, strangled. “Do you really not remember anything?”

           “I don't.  Why, what happened?”  His heart rate was accelerating as he began to panic, fueled by Jongin's nervousness.

           Jongin sighed and dropped his eyes, taking a moment to collect himself before speaking in that strangled voice.  “Baekhyun, you – I – we don't know if it was intentional, or an accident, or - ,” he closed his eyes and breathed out harshly.  “You tried to kill yourself.”

           Baekhyun's eyes scrunched, mouth opening and closing soundlessly as he tried to process this information.  “What?”

           “You – you,” Jongin inhaled sharply, “you tried to kill yourself.  I came back from practice, I was going to check on you, get you to eat something, but...” He shuddered and shook his head, trying to roll out the stress, avoid the tears.  “Bleach.  You'd – bleach – and all I could do – I called 119.  You don't remember anything?”

           “No.”  Baekhyun huddled in on himself, mind reeling at this information.  “Why would I...that...why?  Why?”

           Jongin shook his head.  “I don't know.”  After a moment's pause, he cleared his throat and spoke again, voice rasping.  “Baek, I know it's not the best time, but...”

           He was terrified of what this might be. “What?”

           “There was a plane crash, Baek.  Yesterday.  Early yesterday morning.  It was a flight, Beijing to Seoul and it crashed.  Five survivors.”

           His brain wasn't working.  The information refused to process.  There was no way Jongin was saying what he thought he was saying. It wasn't possible.  There was too much.  It was too much.  The world couldn't be that cruel.

           “Baekhyun, are you listening to me?”  Jongin's voice caught in his throat and it took a minute to come unstuck, turning sideways on its way up and strangling him. “Baekhyun, I said they're dead. Kris and Luhan and Tao.  Their plane crashed and they died.”

           Baekhyun knew he should probably have some kind of reaction, but all he felt was numb.  “And Lay?”

           “He's not dead, yet.  He's hurt really badly, but he's not dead.”

           The room was silent save for the beeps of the machines Baekhyun was hooked to, the machines making sure he was alive.

           “Baekhyun,” Jongin's voice broke and he started to shake, hunching over into himself, “You – you knew about the crash, before you – before you,” he choked, a sob escaping in a rushed gasp.  “They're already gone.  Why would you leave, too?”

           Baekhyun caught him as he collapsed, sobbing.

 This I survived.

--

           This I survived.  The words are written above a hospital bracelet – Baekhyun's hospital bracelet.  Jongin rubs at his neck, trying to loosen the stress from his shoulders.  He remembers that day – those days, really, it took hours for Baekhyun to wake up, and then he had to stay overnight again – in the hospital.

           He whistles at Kongju, who lifts her head at the noise.  “Come here, girl,” he pats his lap.

           She whines as she stretches and plods into his lap. She's big enough she barely has to sit up to lick his face.  Restless again, she lies nicely in his lap but whines and growls and hits her tail on the sofa.

           Jongin doesn't think anything about it; she's an active dog who likes attention.  Sometimes she gets like this.  He turns the page, the pain of the last memory still raw and piercing his heart. This page is comparatively empty. There's a ticket stub – some concert they'd gone to, a year past, that was way too loud and the mics weren't balanced correctly because the band was new and had shit sound guys.  It was way too cold… the memory begins, and Jongin laughs, startling Kongju, because it was.  It was -freezing that day.

--

           It was way too cold for a walk, but they'd still decided to go.  The concert had ended less than an hour previous, and Baekhyun's ears were still ringing, but the river was beautiful.  Baekhyun laughed as Jongin tried to surreptitiously warm his fingers under his arms.  While both of them had remembered scarves, neither had thought to bring proper gloves. Still grinning, Baekhyun grabbed Jongin's wrist and brought it to his face.  He exhaled gently on the frozen fingers, letting his warm breath warm them through.  Too focused on Jongin's hands to notice his face, Baekhyun failed to notice how focused Jongin's gaze was.  He failed to notice how much Jongin wondered what Baekhyun's lips feel like.

           “Tuck them in your scarf,” Baekhyun said, demonstrating with his free hand.  “They'll stay warmer that way.”

           Jongin quickly retracted his hand to follow the advice.  They walked a little more, Baekhyun chattering and Jongin watching Baekhyun, the way he looked out at the river and the lights like a little kid, the way he skipped a little when he walked in the cold, the way his hands tucked into his scarf like paws.

           He looked soft and Jongin reacted to something that he hadn't known was in him.  Grabbing Baekhyun's arm, Jongin stopped their walking, looked at Baekhyun, even and determined and little scary, and, taking advantage of Baekhyun's confusion, pressed their lips together.

           It only lasted a second, little more than a brush of the lips, and Jongin pulled back, bright red and refusing to meet Baekhyun's eyes.

It only lasted a second, and I wanted more.

--

           Jongin jumps at Kongju's sharp bark.  She stares up at him, dark eyes wide and sorrowful, and whines.  The noise pierces Jongin like a needle.

           “Shh, girl, it's okay.  You're safe.  We're safe. Lie, girl.  Kongju, lie down.”  His tone is placating and the orders are sharp and clear and she has to obey him, but she doesn't seem happy about it.  Her tail is down and so are her ears as she slides herself off of the couch to lie on the floor.  “That's it, girl.  Stay.”

           Jongin turns the page and is met by a brilliant yellow decorating the borders of the pages, framing a picture – a selfie – of him and Baekhyun together at a performance.  The handwriting, sloppier than usual, written quickly, in excitement, scattered with emojis, is also in that yellow, that yellow which pops so much against the matte black of the page.  He moved like water…

--

           He moved like water on stage.  Where some of the other dancers were all right angles and sharp movements, Jongin flowed in every motion, a grace attributed to his classical training, but Baekhyun thought that maybe that grace was really just an intrinsic part of the man.

           There was a group dance.  There were a few actually, but Baekhyun didn't notice because all he could see was Jongin.  Jongin in that brilliant yellow spotlight that was a little too bright and a little too strong and hurt to see, but it was a good hurt because somehow that light was Jongin and Baekhyun wasn't sure whether the light was shining on Jongin or from him.

           And Baekhyun watched the way Jongin's feet skipped across the floor, never touching anywhere they didn't intend, never giving anything more than necessary.  And Baekhyun watched Jongin's arms flow, pulling the rest of his body after them, forcing him into perfection.  And Baekhyun watched Jongin's torso twist and turn and place just so, connecting the feet to the arms to the face that was contorting with emotion and completing the performance.

           And Baekhyun looked at Jongin and just knew that this man he loved and this man he would always love and it pierced straight through him, but he didn't feel like he was bleeding.

           After the performance, when the lights had died and the dancers became but human once again, Baekhyun found Jongin.  He found him with a giant grin on both of their faces. Baekhyun grabbed Jongin into a hug, and it was hot and sweaty and stank because dancing is a lot of work, but it was perfect, the way they fit together.  Baekhyun pressed his face into Jongin's neck, trying to feel this man and trying to be felt by this man, before pulling back with his face obscured by a smile.

           “You were fantastic,” he said and meant every word.

           Jongin pulled him back into the hug, crushing him in his arms, thanking him.

           They went out for ice cream after Jongin had washed and changed, sitting together in a booth, daring each other to try increasingly strange flavours.  Baekhyun begged for barbeque afterward and Jongin relented; the meat was good but the company was better.  It was a late night to follow, with video games late into the night at Jongin's. They sat together on the couch, feet touching in the center, Kongju spread heavily across their laps.

           It was everything Baekhyun could have wished for, but more, and he decided that – that light? - that was emitted by Jongin, it had to have been, because it was still there.  Baekhyun wondered how the world existed without Jongin in it. Baekhyun knew he loved that brilliant yellow.

 And this man? - This man I love and love and love.

--

           He has never realized how much that day meant to Baekhyun.  To him, it had been just another day. To Baekhyun, it had obviously been so much more.  Jongin goes to turn the page only to be startled by Kongju jumping up.  She stands at the arm of the couch, alert and on watch.  She's bred to guard, so the behaviour is not unusual.  Jongin pats her on the head and stretches himself down across the couch. Jongin didn't hurt himself a lot…

             Jongin didn't hurt himself a lot, but when he did, he'd sit on the couch with a good book and ice down the injury.  Baekhyun had gotten used to this routine, choosing to plop himself down next to Jongin anytime the book came out.  On this day, Jongin had his foot resting on the coffee table, an ice bag sitting on his knee and a thick blue book in his hands.  Baekhyun settled next to him to watch some TV. Quietly, quietly, of course.

           After a while, Baekhyun grew bored and began to mess with Jongin.  It was a game.  How far could he go before Jongin snapped?

           He never found out.  As Baekhyun was messing with Jongin, Kongju walked into the room and, seeing Baekhyun's actions, decided the boy wanted to play.  Taking a running start, she attempted to jump over Jongin's leg and land on Baekhyun's lap, but she was just too big.

           She crashed into Jongin's leg, pushing him over and down on to Baekhyun.  Both boys toppled to the ground and Kongju, thinking it looked like great fun, jumped on top of the pile.  The boys were pushed together by the massive weight of the dog and both blushed at the position.

 That dog is really too big.

--

           Kongju whines at the door.  Jongin turns the page.  Jongin was fast asleep...

--

           Jongin was fast asleep as Baekhyun slipped out of bed in the morning.  Last night had been a bad night for him; luckily, Jongin was always willing to let Baekhyun crash in his bed.  He wandered over to the shower, quickly scrubbing down with Jongin's body wash – which he loved doing, loved the way he smelled like Jongin for the rest of the day – and cleaned his hair.  He barely bothered to finish drying off before smearing on some makeup.  He had gotten very good at putting on the makeup; it was nearly always perfect.  Lazily, he headed out of the bathroom to scrounge some clothes up from Jongin's dresser. He sang absentmindedly, habit directing his actions far more than reason.

           Baekhyun wasn't far into the bedroom before a pillow met his face.  There wasn't much time to be offended, though, as his boyfriend slid out of bed after the pillow and crawled across the floor to plant his face in Baekhyun's side.

           “I let you stay here,” he mumbled groggily. “You let me sleep.”

           Baekhyun pulled at Jongin's hair in irritation.  Jongin retaliated by pulling on the man's legs, knocking him to the ground.  Laying on top of him, Jongin pet Baekhyun's thigh and started kissing at Baekhyun's side, at the perfect, straight scars that traced down his side.

           The kisses were tired, quiet, soft.  With each kiss, Jongin muttered “I love you” in to Baekhyun's side in his rough, just woken voice.  Jongin was so happy the scars weren't fresh.

 I could have stayed like that forever.

--

           There are only two pages left in the book.  Jongin ignores Kongju as she whines at the door in favor of reading the next page.  Jongin rubbed his ass...

--

           Jongin rubbed his ass.  His voice was incredulous as he addressed Baekhyun. “What the fuck!?”

           Baekhyun rolled his eyes, sitting back on his heels. “I once bit Sehun's but while he was sleeping.”

           Jongin scoffed.  “That's supposed to make me feel better?”

           “Yeah.”

           “How?”

           “You were awake.”

           Jongin stared.  He could not believe the words coming out of Baekhyun's mouth right now.

           Baekhyun quickly backpedaled at the lack of response. “You could have stopped me!”

           Jongin glared daggers at him.

           Baekhyun instinctively covered his crotch.

           “Fuck you, Byun Baekhyun.”

           The bathroom door slammed shut behind Jongin.

 As ways to fuck up go, that was, at least, funny.

--

           Kongju has given up her whining, choosing instead to stand at the door and stare at Jongin.  Thankful for the quiet, Jongin settles into the soft cushions, briefly closing his eyes and stretching his arms.  It's been a long day already, but he's enjoying the memories as he goes through Baekhyun's book.  As he turns the page, his fingers catch on a paperclip, dislodging a paper that's been hastily added.

           The paper is old and grey and torn from something else, edges rough and fraying.  On it is that handwriting, always so familiar, Baekhyun's neat lines, but here it wanders and shakes, as if trying to find its way in the dark.  Jongin's hand involuntarily shakes as he straightens the page.

           It takes less than a moment for the lines to register in his brain, the black searing into his retinas, hovering in his vision even when he glances away for a split second, wishing – hoping – praying – that he is mistaken.  The words are wrong, so wrong, they aren't Baekhyun, but they have to be because the black lines are his handwriting, absolutely.

           The second glance confirms the words and the book is falling falling falling.

I'm sorry

           There's a thud as the couch rocks backwards and falls back on its feet.

I'm

           There's a crash as the coffee table tips over, the days-old mugs shattering on the floor.

so

           There's a slam as the door smashes shut behind him.

sorry

           There's a whine as Kongju pushes her head against the dark wood, waiting.

Jongin

           The book sits, splayed open to that brilliantly yellow page and waits with her.

This isn't to hurt you

           The elevator is too slow for Jongin's impatience, terror and he flies down the stairs instead, jumping to the landing from halfway up, swinging around on the handrail, counting the flights.

I don't want to hurt you

           6…5...4...3...2...1

It's just too much

           He smashes through the doors at the ground floor, startling the lone woman in the lobby at this time of night.  He jumps over her bag and fumbles at the front door handle.

I can't do this

           It's a twenty minute walk with good traffic to Baekhyun's, but he makes it in five.

I can't do it

           He pounds on the elevator button, but the damn thing is broken again.

           It's eight flights of stairs and he thinks his chest is going to burst but he makes it to Baekhyun's door.

It's too much, Jongin

           His vision's blurring from sweat and tears and adrenaline and he can't find the right key and his stone fingers drop it and it won't go in the lock and the door finally, finally creaks open.

I'm so, so sorry

           The white floor is red-flecked – blood, slowly congealing.  It freezes Jongin in the doorway.

I've been fighting this for years

           His heart stops as his eyes track the dull-red blood.

But sometimes the dragon wins

           A knife on the counter, blood dried on the handle, dripping off the blade.

And I'm not the dragon

           A rope, unused, unused, lying next to the knife like an afterthought.

           There's so much blood.

Don't try to do anything

           So much.

           So much and it's pooled on the floor and Jongin doesn't want to look.  Doesn't want to see.

You've done everything you can

           Doesn't want to see Baekhyun, splayed on the floor like a broken doll.

You've done everything you should have

           Doesn't want to see Baekhyun's eyes glazed as they stare at the door.

Thank you for everything

           Doesn't want to see how still the boy's chest is.

There's nothing left to do

           Doesn't want to see doesn't want to see doesn't want to hurt.

I love you

           Jongin's heart stops.

This time, too late.

this || alternate ending

[snowpatrolfanclubbrazil]

The band formed while at university, spending almost a decade as part of the Scottish guitar underground.

But then something remarkable happened: they starting selling records. And more records. And even more records.

Enjoying an incredible second wind, Snow Patrol became part of the fabric of everyday life, their songs beamed out of car stereos and shop windows across the land.

Before something curious happened. Removing themselves from sight, Snow Patrol took five years to construct new album 'Wildness', five years spent battling demons and exploring fresh paths.

Clash writer Johnny Rogerson speaks to Snow Patrol frontman Gary Lightbody to find out why...

You were at Pinkpop festival over the weekend, how did that go?

Yeah it was great, that was our third time playing Pinkpop and we were on before Pearl Jam. It was a beautiful day as well. Getting to play on the same stage as one of the band that influenced us to begin with. Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Soundgarden were the three bands that made me want to be in a band in the first place.

Congratulations on the new album, you put on Twitter that this is the one you’re most proud of, how come? With this album, I gave everything I could give. With the previous albums I thought that I couldn’t give more but this is the one where I gave everything that I possibly could have given. I had quite a few breakdowns in the middle of it and there were many times when I thought I was never going to write another song again.

I had epiphanies and all kind of incredible things happen and all kinds of terrible things happen during the making of this record. It was an extraordinary thing to be part of. I don’t know whether I’d be able to do it all again the way it was done and I hope I never have to go through it again in the way it was the last time, but it taught me a hell of a lot.

In some ways, it taught me how to not go through it again but in terms of the outcome, it’s certainly the album that I am the most proud of. It feels true not trite.

What was the catalyst for the new record?

The record generally, is based around trying to find a calmness, in an uncalm, crazy world. That’s what I was doing in my own life. I didn’t know I was but, I was trying to find my way in the dark, looking for a light switch that I only found when I stopped drinking, but that was only two years ago. That’s why this record took five years to make. Generally, when records take five years they become garbled, you’ve usually overthought it. What happened was I was trying to get my own life on the straight and narrow at the same time as making a record, which is impossible.

It was only really when I stopped drinking, two years ago, that I was able to start to write with clarity. So, the idea that this was a five or seven year record is slightly misleading, it was a five year, seven year journey of discovery to figure out what was going on with my life and the album just happened to take place during that.

‘What If This Is All The Love You Ever Get?’, is this one of the moments where you’re reflecting on the past five or seven years?

Yeah in some ways. The genesis of the song was really about a few friends of mine who had been getting divorced, a lot of people going through a lot of hurt and hard times. I’ve not be divorced but I’ve had long term relationships and stuff, it’s basically me saying I’ve been in the wreckage too, I’ve been in the ruins, come over and we can help each other. It’s a song about trying to appreciate the love we have when we have it but it’s also about sharing your hard times with the people that you love. Trying to figure them out on your own is a bastard.

This record aims to answer questions, rather than ask them like your previous questions, despite the song title being a question, this feels like one of those tracks where you do answer some questions, do you feel that’s fair?

Yeah, the verses ask a question, but the chorus gives a reasonably good answer.: let’s share this pain, let’s share this hurt. ‘What If This Is All The Love You Ever Get?’ in itself is a question but built into it is an answer. Do you want this to be what defines you? Are you going to let this slip through your fingers?

There’s a lot more acoustic guitar on this record compared to the other Snow Patrol records…

Yeah, there’s a quality to the acoustic guitar. It’s not an acoustic album but the acoustic guitar brings not only a cooler sound but also a percussiveness and an extra layer of rhythm that an electric guitar doesn’t have as the microphone doesn’t pick up your actual playing.

It was a fascinating thing to try and use the acoustic guitar in as many ways as possible rather than playing the electric guitar and using all kinds of pedals to make it sound different. It’s like, there you go you’ve got one weapon now use it in as many different ways as you can. It keeps the brain ticking over and made me think a lot more about how I was playing and the rhythms I was choosing to play. The rhythms on this record are a lot more adventurous than we’ve played before.

You’ve also tested your own voice on this record by using more falsetto vocals throughout…

Yeah, I never thought about having to sing them live every night! Yeah, same with the acoustic guitar though, I was trying to do as many things with my voice that I hadn’t done before and push myself. There’s a lot of songs that I’m singing in a range, sometimes even full voice falsetto which is not something I’m particularly known for. I’m singing in a range and a power that took me a long time to get comfortable with. These are not one take vocal tracks, these were me trying and trying and trying. Garrett Lee has the patience of a saint, so he does.

Jacknife Lee has produced your last five records, what makes you continue to use him?

He’s got a lot of dirt on me. No, he’s just a genius, he really is. There’s no other word for it. He’s the best producer working in music at the moment. He’s not just a producer, he’s a co-writer, a co-conspirator, a track builder. I’ll bring a song to him and he will help build it. He plays every instrument too, he’s one of those guys, one of those bastards. So he can build a track and we have a look at it and actually being able to see a track form in front of your eyes is a hell of a thing.

Some producers will tell you things like I want this song to sound a bit more purple or make everyone swap instruments. He’s like, let’s get in a place where you can be inspired and then let’s work hard.

You’ve got a huge tour of America with Ed Sheeran coming up, then you’re back to the UK and Ireland for the arena dates, how excited are you to get back out there playing shows?

I can’t wait. America’s going to be great fun. We took him on tour in 2011, we were playing theatres and small arenas, playing to between three and six thousand people and now we’re playing stadiums on his tour so he’s repaid the favour in ten-fold but we’re very grateful to him. Then we’re back to the UK and Ireland and we can’t wait.

Going away for seven years you’ve no right to come back and expect to play arenas. We’re just blown away and completely over the mood by the response. You can’t be arrogant and think things are going to fall back into place again. It’s not going to be like it was because a lot of time has passed but to be able to get to back to arenas is an absolute joy.

- - -

We had a resurrection in 2003 that not many bands get to experience. It’s very rare.

- - -

It’s 20 years this year since your debut album, what’s been the highlights?

We started the band in 1994, so next year will be 25 years and we’re arranging some interesting things for the quarter century. The reason why we didn’t release anything in the first four years was because I was at university and my mum would’ve killed me if I’d have left early! We’ve been very blessed. Playing the biggest show in Northern Irish history, 42,000 people, that was something very special. Getting to headline so many festivals and our own arena shows.

Selling 15 million albums too. The first 10 years we released two albums and got dropped. We sold 14,000 albums in those first 10 years and so we weren’t expecting to be a million selling band never mind a multi-million selling band. We never thought that’d happen so that’s been a massive highlight.

I guess to have a second career, we’re kind of on our third career now, but to be dropped by an indie and then signed by a major, that never happens! We had a resurrection in 2003 that not many bands get to experience. It’s very rare.

Finally, let’s go back to 2009 V Festival when you stepped in for Oasis, what goes through your head when you receive that news?

It’s funny, that was the first thing I thought of when you asked about the highlights but I didn’t say it because we were deputising, so I thought maybe it’s not quite our moment it’s someone else’s moment that they bestowed upon us. That was the best gig we ever did. That was the most extraordinary night of our lives.

In the morning I woke up to missed phone calls and text messages and everyone was trying to tell me Oasis had split up and you’re headlining, asking me if I felt the pressure? I was thinking to myself, well yes, I may well be crushed into a diamond at any point. Walking onto that stage I’m just glad people couldn’t hear my knees clanging together I was terrified thinking, these guys are going to be pissed off because they were expecting to see Oasis and they’re not there.

We walked onto that stage and the reception that we got was just unbelievable and everybody sung every word and they treated it as if we were a headline band. We played some Oasis songs as an encore, so they got a little bit of an Oasis fix. There was loads of other bands saying that that was the best gig they ever saw and that’s how it felt to us.

But it’s rare when you do a gig like that and people agree. That night everybody was like that’s the best gig we’ve seen in a long time. That was an amazing night, it’ll be very hard to beat that.

- - -

- - -

Snow Patrol's new album 'Wildness' is out now.

Words: Johnny Rogerson