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megalony · 4 days ago

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Cast Under This Spell

This is a new Emperor Geta imagine that @missdreamofendless had an amazing idea for.

I hope you will all like it, please let me know what you think.

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Summary: Geta wants to marry (Y/n), despite the strange spells she suffers. He vows to protect her and keep her secret safe.

(Readers 'spells' are seizures in this fic)

Enjoy.

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The palace was calmer at night. There weren't as many people roaming the corridors, bustling about in all directions. There were no Senates vying for attention or demanding the Emperors take a look at something or settle some debate or affairs of state. The servants retired to their rooms or to the kitchens when it got dark and it made everything more peaceful.

(Y/n) didn't necessarily like the darkness, but she did like the peace that it brought, opposed to the chaos that occurred during the daylight.

She was sure that both Emperors were calmer when it was evening too, or at least that was how she perceived them. No meetings to wear Caracalla down or make his temper flare and cause arguments between him and his brother. No state affairs to drain Geta and cause him to make big decisions when he would rather be doing anything else. No agreements to oversee, no deals to sign so late at night.

The Emperors could relax, they could go about their pleasures and do as they pleased without being observed.

The thought of Geta plagued (Y/n)'s mind as she continued her descent down the corridor. She wasn't quite sure where she was going or what she was aiming to do, but a walk seemed like a better idea than wallowing alone in her room.

She was fortunate enough to reside at the palace, and that meant she got to be around both Emperors each day. Seeing Geta always brightened (Y/n)'s mood and if he happened to be in a tired or exasperated mood, talking to (Y/n) seemed to help and make him relax.

Rounding the corner, (Y/n) headed down the stairs and out onto a new hallway, lit only by two flames at least ten feet apart.

Three feet down the hallway, (Y/n) could feel a headache forming behind her eyes and igniting at the back of her head and down the base of her neck.

After another five or so feet, (Y/n)'s frame went rigid when she caught sight of a figure looming at the other end of the hall like a spectre. But closer inspection made her relax and sigh; it was Geta. She could tell by the way those broad shoulders straightened out and the gleam of gold and silver cloth donning his frame. Not to mention when he passed one of the flames, it set alight his golden hair that was brushed into neat tendrils all around his forehead and the tops of his ears.

She could barely see the golden crown nestled neatly into his hair and when he approached, (Y/n) noticed he wasn't wearing his usual make up. His face wasn't painted ghostly white and there were no dark circles painted beneath his eyes. Only thin black streaks framing his eyelids. He still looked fetching. He still looked every inch the Emperor he was, the person who made (Y/n)'s heart come close to giving out whenever he was around her.

"Out so late, and all alone?" Geta's voice didn't quite match the smile that glistened on his lips. His smile was darker than the soft tone of his voice, but it made (Y/n)'s knees quake all the same.

The very person who had been at the forefront of her mind was now standing before her.

"I could ask you the same thing, my Emperor." It never felt right to say his name, despite how close they were and how he was always asking her to be informal and use his name. (Y/n) was brought up to be formal, to be polite and this was the Emperor, no less. The highest authority in Rome, someone who could end her life on a whim if he so desired. Formality was a necessity.

"I was on my way back to my chambers, you're very welcome to join me."

The sly smile on his face made (Y/n) grin and bow her head. Somehow, she was sure that Geta knew she wasn't going anywhere in particular, she was simply walking because she had been rather lonesome in her room.

Going back to the Emperor's room with him wasn't the best idea. Not when people already suspected Geta had his sights set on making (Y/n) his wife and being alone in his room with him would be improper. (Y/n) wouldn't want to do anything to ruin her reputation. It was different for Geta, no one would bat an eye who he took to his room or why. But if they saw (Y/n) going into his room, rumours would start and if she somehow did marry Geta, people would question why and if it had something to do with losing her virtue before marriage.

"After you." The smile on Geta's face was almost putting (Y/n) under a trance.

She knew she wouldn't go into his room, but she allowed herself to turn on her heels and slowly walk back the way she had come from, now with Geta by her side and his hand on her lower back. She would enjoy his company for a little while, and he clearly wanted to be around her. How could she refuse?

(Y/n) could feel her headache pulsing through her blood but it wasn't as bad when she felt Geta's hand remain on her lower back and his frame close against her side. Standing so close to his tall figure always made (Y/n) feel protected and safe. He was the Emperor, there was no safer place than being stood by his side.

Geta let his eyes cast down to glance over at (Y/n) every now and then as they walked. He liked the way she held her hands together in front of her waist like she was a bridesmaid holding a bouquet of flowers. And he liked the way her hair curled in ringlets around her ears, even with half of it still pinned to the back of her head.

He found himself becoming lost when he looked at (Y/n), sometimes he wondered if he looked at her for too long he might become lost forever.

The spell (Y/n) cast over him started to break when he watched her steps start to falter and become slower than his, causing him to hang back to let her catch up. But it was when her hand curled around his bicep like a viper's grip that Geta stopped to see what the problem.

"Everything okay?"

When the seconds ticked by and (Y/n) didn't answer him, Geta swept his gaze around the deserted hallway before he moved to stand in front of (Y/n), noticing that her hand stayed gripped around his arm as he did so.

Moving his hands, Geta carefully snaked his fingers along (Y/n)'s jaw and up until he could cup her face in his hands and tilt her head up so they were looking at one another. A deep sigh rattled past his pursed lips when he saw her pupils; they were blown wide like rock pools and her neck muscles were so tense they were popping through her skin. The subtle but noticeable shaking that seeped through (Y/n)'s system made Geta's chest stutter and his teeth sank down into his lower lip as he cast a look around the hallway.

They were still alone, no one else was walking by to witness what was happening here. Good.

She was having one of her spells.

"You're okay, I've got you." Geta lowered his arm that (Y/n) was gripping until his hand ghosted down her waist and he could grip her hip through her dress. His other hand stayed firmly against her cheek and he began swiping his thumb across her cheek to give her something to focus on.

There was nothing he could do but wait for the spell to pass, that was what (Y/n) and the healers had always told them.

Geta had never known anybody suffer the kind of spells and fits that (Y/n) had suffered through since she was ten. The healers couldn't understand why she had them and they had no name for what she was suffering. Nothing seemed to trigger her spells, they didn't happen because she fell or hurt herself or when she was scared or worked up. They just appeared out of nowhere like shooting stars racing across the sky.

Geta only knew about these spells because he had witnessed (Y/n) having one before and he had been seconds away from calling the healers until she begged him not to. (Y/n) didn't want anyone else knowing.

It hurt Geta that she had been so afraid to tell him, that she worried he thought she was cursed or some kind of omen when he thought nothing of the kind. He could see she couldn't help what was happening to her and he did anything he could to try and help her where he could. He understood (Y/n)'s desire not to have anyone else know about these spells. People could be superstitious. And cruel.

At least this kind of spell was easier to handle, if she had to suffer them, ones like these were the easier ones to handle. Ones where her body tensed and sometimes trembled, but stayed relatively motionless and came back to her control after only a few moments.

When the subtle shaking began to subside, Geta moved both hands to her arms and began gliding his hands up and down her skin to try and rouse her and keep her calm.

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't apologise for what you can't control, can you still walk?" He was fairly certain she would be fine on her feet but he knew sometimes (Y/n)'s muscles would tense and lock up or she became too disorientated to move.

"Yes, I'm okay now."

She felt unsteady on her feet but with a little ounce of courage, (Y/n) reached out beside her and curled her hands around Geta's arm to keep herself steady. She was stood so close that her chest was practically glued into his side and the way Geta smiled down at her made her knees tremble.

They proceeded at a slower pace and Geta kept his right arm curled over his chest so (Y/n) could cling to his arm. And he moved his other hand to rest over hers so he could glide his thumb up and down the back of her hand.

"Do they happen often?"

He only knew what (Y/n) had told him, what her mother and family healer knew but no one else did. Geta knew and could see why her family wanted to keep this a secret, they wanted what was best for (Y/n). They wanted her to get married and have a life here in Rome; she was the daughter of a Nobleman and could have a high-class marriage. But it would be a lot harder for her to live her life and find a good marriage if people knew of her illness and feared what she had.

"Not too often,"

Three months was the longest (Y/n) had gone without even just a small spell like the one she had just now. It felt like such a relief, such a great achievement and it surged her and her parents with hope. Maybe she would start to live without them, maybe they would be a distant condition that might taper off. That belief was something that got (Y/n) through the days, but it was also what made her mother want to start looking for betrothals.

(Y/n) was at the age to wed now and if she truly was starting to get better, her mother wanted to get her matched so her life could start properly.

"That's good."

Something ignited in Geta's chest as a smile started to form on his lips while they continued to walk at a slow pace.

He wasn't pleased just for the sake of (Y/n)'s health though. There was a more selfish reason gnawing away at him. If she was getting better, there was a chance he could have her for himself. No one else need find out about her spells. Geta was an Emperor, if he got a healer to assess (Y/n), said healer wouldn't be allowed to gossip or talk about (Y/n) to anyone else so nobody would find out.

He knew her family were aiming to find her a marriage, and Geta wanted to marry her. He was selfish enough to know her family weren't going to turn down an offer like this; an offer from the Emperor.

He would look after (Y/n), he would devote himself to her and love and adore her and he would take care of her. He would protect her from anything. And if her spells continued for the rest of her life, Geta would devote himself to caring for her and keeping her secret and making sure she was okay.

Geta was already caring for his brother, Emperor Caracalla who had syphilis that was starting to attack his brain. Geta made sure no one but the healers knew about his brother. They couldn't have the Senate finding out and try to overthrow them or overrule Caracalla and deem him unfit to rule. As long as they ruled together and had each other, they were okay.

(Y/n) would be just another person for Geta to love and protect with his life, just like his brother.

"I believe my mother wants to find a betrothal for me," (Y/n) slowly unravelled her hands from around Geta's arm and instead clasped them tightly in her lap. "I think I'm better alone, any husband would run a mile when he found out about my spells."

It was a growing fear that if she did marry some nobleman, what would he do when he found out?

Someone would have to be willing to stay with her despite the fact that she suffered these spells and not run around telling people. It would take an entirely devoted person or a very easily persuaded, docile man to marry (Y/n) and her secret.

She would be better staying a spinster and living out her days safely alone in the palace. At least alone no one would say she was possessed by the Devil or paying for her sins or that she was too ill to be a wife or a mother and bear children.

"I wouldn't."

Tears welled in (Y/n)'s eyes when she dared to look up at the Emperor beside her. His dark brown eyes were staring intently at her with a lustful but somehow soft touch to them and the way his earnest lips parted and flushed made silent tears fall from her eyes.

She turned so she was stood in front of him, her head angled to one side and a confusing sadness welling up in her eyes. She didn't deserve to be Empress, she didn't deserve the fondness and the love Geta had for her. He was the Emperor. He needed to marry someone worthy, someone who didn't have any illness like her, someone who could safely give him the heirs he so wanted to secure the throne.

(Y/n) had no idea if she could have children or not. Physically she could, but her illness could complicate things. She might not be such a welcomed Empress or loved by the people if they thought she was reclusive and gave no heir to the throne.

"Geta, I don't think-"

"You would be safe with me. I want to marry you."

A shiver crept down (Y/n)'s spine when Geta pinched her chin between his thumb and finger and turned her head so she was looking up at him despite her tears. When he tipped his forehead against hers, it was like every emotion he felt was radiating through to her.

"I am no good match for an Emperor like you. I'd be a liability and if I didn't give an heir, or a child got my illness… it wouldn't do good for you."

There was nothing (Y/n) wanted more than to be married to Geta, to the Emperor who had stolen her heart from the first moment they met. The person she felt she could be herself around, the person she loved and who clearly love dher despite her illness.

But she didn't want to be the cause of chaos for Geta. He and Caracalla were the Emperors to Rome and they were just finding their way and gaining favour with the people. They each needed to find a suitable match, they needed to find laides of higih honour above reproach who would give them heirs and a good image.

(Y/n) may give Geta a good image only until someone saw her have one of her spells or gossip started to flood the palace. And if she didn't give him an heir, or they had a child who suffered this ailment too, (Y/n) would be blamed. She didn't want to do that to Geta; to give him all of that stress and burden, no matter how much she loved him.

"You'd rather see me go mad with desire for you?"

"N-no…" That's not what (Y/n) meant, although seeing Geta grow jealous might be something worth witnessing. She wasn't saying this to hurt him, she was trying to be practical. Despite how eager her mother was to see (Y/n) get married, she would think the same worries (Y/n) was having right now.

"Then marry me. You are more than a match for me, and I would rather watch Rome burn than see you marry someone else." There was something almost threatening in Geta's words and (Y/n) found herself nodding before she could process what she was agreeing to.

How could she refuse?

The Emperor wanted to marry her. He actually loved her and he was the one who had possession over (Y/n)'s heart since the moment they met and she didn't want it back. If Geta was willing to look out for her and care for her and keep her ailment a secret then (Y/n) truly would be safe with him.

And for all she knew, she might be able to have many children with him and none of them could inherit what she had.

When Geta cupped her jaw and stole the first kiss from her lips, (Y/n) could do nothing but hook her arms around his neck and pull him closer.

She was never going to find someone to love and accept her like the man stood before her. And why enter a loveless union when someone who clearly wanted her and was willing to protect her was right here, asking to marry her?

He was Emperor, he didn't need to seek permission from anyone to marry. Maybe before he and Caracalla ascended to the throne, when their brute of a father was still alive, they would of needed to seek his permission to marry. But they were now the highest authority in Rome. They needed to ask no one for anything.

Geta could raise the subject of marriage to the Senate and seek their advice, but he didn't need their approval. And he knew without a doubt that they would see (Y/n) as a perfect match. She was someone the people would love, someone the people would take to instantly and who would bring yet more peace and power to Rome.

She was a perfect match for Geta, and he wouldn't allow anyone else to have her. Not even his brother. (Y/n) was going to be the one thing he didn't share with his twin; she wasn't like their concubines.

She was going to be Geta's and his alone.

***

"Brother- oh, am I interrupting?" The bright, rambunctous sound of Caracalla's voice combined with the way the chamber doors swung open created a rather loud echo throughout the room.

Geta found off the urge to roll his eyes when he watched his twin blunder into the room like they were children sharing sleeping quarters again. He was used to his brother wandering and barging in whenever he wanted something or whenever Caracalla was starting to feel lonely. He didn't do well alone.

It was all well and good until moments like these happened. Geta had been married a week and this counted as the third time someone had barged into their room without knocking. It being Caracalla meant that Geta wouldn't make a fuss this time. Needless to say the maid who had walked in without knocking two days ago had ran out crying.

"Don't you always?" Geta drawled while he moved one hand to brush his eyes to try and waken himself up a little more.

He kept his left arm draped over (Y/n)'s waist and dropped his head back down so his chin perched on her shoulder. He could feel her fingertips gliding up and down his arm and the way she wriggled beneath him made him cast his eyes down to her.

He couldn't resist the urge to take another kiss from her lips before he groaned and pushed up onto his knees. They had been interrupted and Caracalla wasn't likely to simply walk away now.

"We have a meeting with the council." Caracalla lolled his head to one side while he reached across to the small table near the wall and took one of the glasses to pour himself a drink. He himself wasn't exactly dressed yet, but he was awake and he wanted to make sure his brother was going to accompany him to this meeting.

"Yes, I'm aware."

(Y/n) was sure she heard Geta mutter 'help yourself' when he noticed his brother already pouring a glass of wine.

Her eyes followed Geta as he climbed off the bed, but made the effort to lean across and kiss her again. For this week that they had been married, it had been harder and harder for Geta to climb out of bed in the mornings when all he wanted to do was stay here beneath the sheets with her all day.

He was tempted, very tempted, to call off official business and stay cooped up in here with (Y/n) for the foreseeable future. But Geta knew if he did that he would be less and less likely to go back to official business.

"Aren't you getting dressed?" Geta cast a look over his bare shoulder towards his brother who was scarcely covered in his night gown that was hanging off one pale shoulder.

His brother had no make up cladding his face as of yet therefore instead of looking pasty and regal, Caracalla looked bright crimson. Bright rosy cheeks, spots of acne scattered around and dark circles beneath his eyes. Although Caracalla did look healthier today than he usually did, he seemed to be having a good day today.

Geta set about finding some clothes and began getting dressed while he listened to his brother drawl and hum something incoherent in the background. He was used to hearing his brother ramble, especially in the morning or late into the evening.

"Are you attending the meeting with us?" Caracalla tapped his short nails against the glass in his hand and angled his head towards the bed where his sister in law was laid.

He knew last week when he walked into the room unannounced, he had unintentionally made (Y/n) flustered. He wasn't sure why she was flustered around him, he wasn't a servant, they were family. The twins were always finding each other around the palace and that wasn't going to change now that Geta was married. It simply meant that Caracalla would be finding his sister in law as well as his brother.

His brows furrowed when he didn't receive a response and he turned towards the bed, wondering if his sister in law was now ignoring him.

What he saw surprised him.

Caracalla clicked his head from side to side as he slowly approached the bed and perched down on the edge with his eyes still narrowed and his lips slightly parted. He dared to reach a hand out towards (Y/n), but he wasn't sure what he was trying to do or what indeed she was doing.

"Brother?" Confusion laced through his words while his hand curled around (Y/n)'s trembling wrist. "I fear something is wrong."

There was a sense of curiosity in Caracalla's eyes as he started to glide his thumb across the back of her hand.

He had never seen anyone suffer a state like this before. He had never seen someone lay in bed with their head angled back, their chin jutting out and their body completely succumbed to trembles like this. Caracalla was sure he could see (Y/n)'s eyes moving behind her eyelids and he noticed that her fingers were curled strangely towards her palms while she lightly shuddered up and down on the bed.

Geta fixed a golden cuff to his left forearm just below his wrist and finished adding the rings to his fingers as he walked back towards the bedroom from the adjoining room.

But once he lifted his head and looked for his brother, his upper lip curled in distaste and a shiver tore down his spine. He bolted from his spot on the rug and clambered back onto the bed, kneeling in the centre of the bed beside his wife.

Not now! Not again!

She had been doing so well. Geta made (Y/n) promise to tell him any time she had a spell and she hadn't had one since that night in the halls when he asked- or rather convinced- her to marry him. He had been ignorant enough to hope and believe that maybe, just maybe, (Y/n) wouldn't suffer these spells as much as she used to anymore.

The only relief in this situation was that it was Caracalla witnessing this and not the servants or God forbid, the members of the council or the Senate. Geta would hate to have to fire members of the council if they witnessed this.

He knew what they would say. They would be the same as they would if they found out about Caracalla's illness. They would believe (Y/n) was a bad omen, that she would be no good as an Empress and they would try and persuade Geta to annul the marriage. He wouldn't have anyone thinking badly of (Y/n) or trying to tear her away from him.

She was his, now and forever. And no one was going to part her from him or say one bad word about her.

Reaching his hand out, Geta scrunched up the corner of the sheets and draped them higher over (Y/n)'s frame. Her modesty was something he would always strive to protect, and he would not share her with his brother like he had to share everything else in his life.

His right hand moved to cup the side of her neck and he began to stroke his thumb across her skin while his knees pressed up against her thigh and hip. His other hand moved to rest over the top of her thigh and he pressed down a little to stop her from writhing too much on the bed and so she didn't jolt too much or roll off the bed.

"Okay, my love." His words were hushed against her temple when he finally felt the shaking begin to lessen.

When his eyes lifted to look across at his brother, he saw the intrigue pooling in Caracalla's eyes. And he noticed the way his brother was softly gliding his hand across (Y/n)'s wrist.

Geta was rather surprised that his brother wasn't backing away in fear or screaming or rushing to call for a healer. He seemed oddly calm about this situation considering he had no former knowledge of (Y/n)'s spells and hadn't seen anything like this before.

"She's okay, just a spell." He murmured quietly when he glanced across to his brother.

"Does she have these often?"

"No. And you're not to tell anyone, brother. I mean it."

Geta reached his hand across from (Y/n)'s thigh to take hold of Caracalla's wrist. He gave his twin a stern look that he usually had to use whenever Caracalla was in one of his moods or his fits of rage. Or when his mind began to wander and he needed guidance back to reality.

He didn't want his brother to mention this in passing to anyone. Caracalla had to understand that this wasn't something to gossip about or to go calling the healers for. And he had to see that if the Senates found out, it would cause unnecessary problems.

They would hide this just the same as they kept Caracalla's own condition under wraps.

The way Caracalla nodded with a placid smile made Geta's heart leap and he watched the fondness pool in his brother's eyes as he continued to look down at his sister in law.

"She's strong, truly a wonder."

He wouldn't tell anyone. He wouldn't mention the strange illness his sister in law seemed to be suffering. Or how strong she was for enduring this.

He knew what it was like to be observed, to be watched and second guessed and murmured about behind closed doors. Caracalla didn't want that for his new sister. He didn't want her to feel excluded or strange like that. He would keep her secret to shield her. He would help to look after her.

***

Crossing one leg over the other, Geta leaned back in his chair and reached out for the glass resting on the table beside him. He could feel his back and the base of his neck clicking into place when he pushed back in the chair and tilted his head over the back of the chair.

It was a tempting thought to go wandering the halls of the palace or go and find his brother to see what he was doing. But he knew what Caracalla would most likely be doing at such an hour, and with whom he would be pent up in his room with.

When he was in moods like this, Geta didn't know what to do with himself. The council had angered him with their persistent nagging and today they had just been tiring and badgering. They had wound Geta up and now he didn't know how to rid the excess energy from his system.

When the last remnants of wine were drained from his glass, he uncrossed his legs and stooped over. His hands reached out for the paper and quill in front of him and he started to scrawl.

A tiredness washed over him while shadows cast across his face, but his lips quirked into a smile when he felt a familiar set of arms loop around his neck.

He paused and set his quill down while (Y/n)'s lips attached to the side of his neck and her chest merged over his back and shoulders. He reached a hand up to cup her wrist and he nudged his head to the left so his nose brushed along her cheek.

"Are you okay?" (Y/n) hummed softly into his neck where she felt a shiver course through his blood in response to her question.

She liked the way he started to tap his fingers against her skin and how he peppered light, delicate kisses along her cheek like he was trying to distract himself from the thoughts plaguing his mind.

"What are you up to?" It was clear that Geta was avoiding that line of conversation. He didn't want to talk about the meetings he had been in today which had riled him up, and that was okay with (Y/n). She knew what was going through his mind without him needing to say a word.

"I have a headache, I'm going to lay down." (Y/n) tightened her arms around Geta's neck to give him a squeezing hug before she moved her hand to softly cup the side of his face.

Her thumb stroked across his cheek as she turned his head a little more in her direction so she could kiss him. She could taste the remnants of wine and berries on his lips, especially when his tongue traced her lower lip and clouded her mind enough for her to momentairly forget her headache.

Once their lips parted, (Y/n) leaned her temple against his and let their noses brush while she closed her eyes and took a few moments to take deep breaths and try to clear the fog from her mind.

She felt Geta murmur "Okay?" against her lips and she managed to nod without tearing her temple away from his.

"Don't be long." She whispered, snatching another kiss from his pale lips before she unravelled her arms from his neck and stood up straight.

She was tired; the bath she had earlier had been relaxing but most likely too hot. Her head was now aching and spinning in circles and (Y/n) knew it was time to retire to bed. Although she wasn't sure she would be able to settle or relax without Geta.

It was funny how she had managed perfectly well all her life to sleep alone, with only the distant noises of her parents or servants milling about the house to serve as background noise. But now, here in the palace that was always filled with strange noises, (Y/n) slept better than ever.

She suspected it was down to the feel of Geta's arm over her waist and his frame that was always either up close or laid on top of her. Having someone beside her at night was comforting and she didn't have to worry about having a spell during the night.

(Y/n) always fretted that when she got married, her life would be full of secrets and it would be one big web waiting to be unravelled. She feared she would have spells in the night and her secret would be found out. But that didn't matter now. Before she had been worried about having spells in front of any husband she had to marry, but now she was praying to have them around Geta if they had to happen at all. Because he would keep her safe.

Geta basked in the feeling of her lips lingering against his temple before she disappeared behind him and retreated into the bedroom. While he stayed in the adjoining study, surrounded by flickering candles that matched the soft golden streaks of his hair.

As soon as she retreated, Geta felt the calmness wash away like the tide leaving the sand and he could feel his earlier annoyances fuelling him back up once again.

His hand clenched into a fist and pressed against his chin while he began to scrawl notes on the paper once again.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed there. All Geta knew was that it was late, very late, by the time he began to get a headache and the candles were burning low until the wax was all but gone.

He sank back in his chair and moved his hand to cradle his temple that was raging with a headache. But his eyes opened when he heard a feeble knock on the chamber door and he cast his eyes across the room to see a maid sheepishly skulk inside.

She was familiar. Geta didn't know many of the servants by name, only those who impressed him or who had been here since he and Caracalla were but children roaming the palace.

If servants irritated or angered him they would be fired and therefore he had no need to learn their names. But he was starting to notice that (Y/n) made it her mission to learn their names. She offered them kindness without wanting anything in return, it was something Geta admired about his new wife.

"May I tidy the room, Emperor?"

With a wave of his hand, the maid scuttled inside and set about doing her work. She tried to be as quiet as the mice and rats that scuttled down the corridors.

She delicately moved papers from the floor and the chairs and set them on the end of Geta's desk. She placed some fresh cut fruits on the side table and a fresh pitcher of wine near the desk. It was always hit and miss whether Geta would allow the servants in to tidy and turn down the room. Sometimes he was in such a frightful mood that he screamed at them to leave. He used to spend the evenings with his concubines or calming down his brother, so his chamber wasn't in use.

With (Y/n) here now, it was different. Geta might dismiss the servants but he was less likely to do it with an angry manner or shout at them or threaten them. A lot of the staff were relieved when (Y/n) married the Emperor.

"Shall I turn down the bedroom, Emperor?" The maid lifted the second pitcher of wine and pointed to the bedroom. It was usual for them to set fresh wine in the bedroom and place some fruits in there. And the sheets would usually be turned down and the room tidied before the Emperor- and Empress- retired for the night.

"The Empress is sleeping. Take the wine and see if she needs anything."

"Very good, Highness." She nodded her head and walked past the desk when Geta waved his hand towards the bedroom behind him. That made her job easier.

Just as the maid neared the bedroom door, the pitcher shook in her hands and she stumbled on her back foot when a loud crash echoed off the walls and shook the marbled floor.

The maid looked wildly over her shoulder while she shifted the wine pitcher into one hand and reached out to open the door with the other. The noise came from within the bedroom. The Empress was in there; maybe she had fallen, or maybe she had knocked something over. She could have hurt herself.

She stepped one foot into the room before Geta was up on his feet, surging towards her.

His heavy hand found her shoulder and he weaved around her, pushing past the maid to get into the room. Whatever that noise was, Geta didn't like the sound of it. He had to get to (Y/n) first, in case she was in a compromising position.

His eyes cast wildly around the room in search for his wife but when he found her, his expression changed into a grimace and a growl settled deep within his chest.

"Is the Empress alright, do we need a healer?" The pitcher in the young woman's hand shook and her other hand moved to her chest as she tried to look around the Emperor who was blocking her sights. She hadn't seen the Empress. The bed was empty, the sheets were scrunched up on the bed and the pillows were distorted.

But she could still hear some kind of thrashing sound and something that sounded like a strange whimper or groan.

She looked like she wanted to step further into the room, to find the Empress and make sure she was alright. But she couldn't get far when the Emperor turned around so he was in front of her, blocking any view she had until all she could focus on was him.

The dark make up beneath his eyes that made him look haunted and gaunt. The menacing curl of his lips, the scrunch of his nose. The sharp rise of his shoulders and the way his hands were clenched at his sides. It all indicated that he was not in one of his good moods and when he was like this he could be frightening and merciless.

A quiet yet surprised squeak left the maid's lips when the Emperor suddenly gripped her by the chin. His fingers pressed bruisingly into her cheeks and he wrangled with her head until she was staring up at him, not daring to look around him and try and see what was happening.

She didn't seem to realise that the Emperor was pushing her back until she was over the threshold and back on the outside of the bedroom.

"She's fine, all she needs is me. You speak of this to anyone, and I will have your tongue. Do you understand?"

He seemed to puncture his fingers tighter into her cheeks as if to make sure she understood his warning. He would have no issues ordering a guard to cut out her tongue if she dared try and gossip about what she may or may not have witnessed tonight. Geta didn't like tongues wagging in the palace. Especially not regarding his wife or his brother.

When the maid weakly nodded, Geta let go of her chin and watched her head loll to one side. A dribble of wine spilled over the edge of the pitcher and left droplets of the grey marble floor as she scampered off, trying to cease her whimpers as she left the pitcher on the desk and fled the room.

She knew both Emperors could be cruel and merciless when they wanted to be or simply when they were bored. She didn't want to be on the wrong end of those tempers, those mood swings. She would stay quiet and pretend nothing had happened here if that was what the Emperor wanted.

Once she fled the room, Geta stormed back into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him to ensure their privacy was kept sacred.

He did not like the sight he was faced with.

(Y/n), his beautiful wife was laid contorted on the floor with her arms bound trembling to her chest and her whole body fluttering back and forth. But it was the blood pooling and froffing from her lips that made Geta pale significantly.

He fled to the side of the bed and collapsed down on his knees beside her, his wild eyes trying to take in what was happening and if she was hurt.

Geta had never witnessed a spell like this before. She had told him of these kinds, the ones where every limb became possessed of its own will, where she would tremble and jerk and writhe. Where she felt like a statue carved of marble after the spell ended and her limbs felt frozen in place.

But he had never seen one as bad as this before. And he didn't like it. Geta hated the sight of his wife's limbs spasming in all directions, the way she jerked and how her head was thrashing down on the rug.

By the looks of things, she had started to suffer a spell and had fallen from the bed. The sheets were strewn on the bed and one was tangled around her legs which Geta hastily reached across to toss to one side so she wasn't constrained and didn't hurt herself further.

With a deep breath he curled over until his chest was pressing on his bent knees and he reached his hands down to cup (Y/n)'s face. He could see her eyes shaking behind her eyelids and her breaths were raspy and bubbling from the blood welling in her mouth.

The blood momentarily confused Geta until he tried to part her lips and realised her tongue was trapped tight between her teeth. He had never known her- or anyone else- to suffer so badly like this before.

"I'm here, you're okay my love. It's all okay, come back to me." His words hushed against her temple and his thumbs glided over her cheeks as he stayed hunched over her.

It was hard to stop the tears that were threatening to spill over his eyes and Geta had a deep desire to call someone to fetch Caracalla. Having another person here might help, Caracalla had been so calm last week when (Y/n) had her other spell and he didn't seem phased. But he had been disgruntled today and there was no telling if he would be calm in this situation or if indeed this would enrage and panic him.

Geta tried to calm his own breathing while he listened to each froffing, gasping breath (Y/n) took. It sounded like she was moaning, or trying to make a sound but she couldn't say anything when her jaw was stuck tight.

"Come back to me." Hushed again and again over her temple while he moved one hand down to glide his fingertips up and down her arm to try and soothe her. Just in case she could still hear and feel him while cast under this spell. And his other hand slid beneath her neck to cup the base of her head, trying to hold her so she didn't thrash her head against the floor.

The last thing he needed was to call a healer and try to spin a tale of his wife falling out of the bed in her sleep. The healers were wise enough not to question an Emperor, but Geta didn't want to call them unless it was strictly necessary. (Y/n) didn't like healers.

Geta felt like crying when he finally felt her begin to calm down before him. Her head wasn't thrashing in his grasp as much, although he could still feel the tension in her neck like rope about to fray and snap.

Her arms stopped bashing against his thighs and her thrashing changed into a slow shaking that rattled through her body. But it was preferrable to the spasms she had been suffering.

"There's my Empress."

His hand stayed cupping the back of her neck and his thumb glided along her neck and jaw while he watched her slowly start to settle down. Her eyes were still moving behind her eyelids and whatever she tried to murmur was incoherent to Geta, but it was a good start.

Once he was sure she wasn't about to thrash or suffer another spell, he carefully eased her up off the floor so she was sitting up. He let her head loll on his shoulder and his arms moved so one was wrapped around her waist and the other slid beneath her knees.

His jaw ground tight as he lifted her up into his arms, trying to be as careful and gentle as possible. He could feel her trembling vibrating through into his system and it made his knees feel like they were about to give way.

Why did this have to happen to (Y/n), his sweet Empress?

He was careful when he pushed his knees into the bed and lowered (Y/n) down on top of the crumpled sheets that were askew in every direction, much like (Y/n)'s toussled hair.

He took the time to try and rearrange the pillows and push the sheets to one side so they wouldn't become a nuisance.

And when he straightened up, Geta hastily tore the rings from his fingers, the two gold chains from around his neck and he removed the golden crown from his hair that felt like removing a piece of him from how long he wore it each day.

He didn't bother with his robes or changing into something less bulky and heavy, he didn't have the time or the energy for that. With a heavy sigh Geta perched down on the side of the bed and reached down for her.

"Come here," He hushed while he took (Y/n)'s chin between his fingers and tilted her head towards him so he could see the damage done to her.

With a damp cloth from the bowl of water on the side table, Geta busied himself trying to clear the blood from her face. And he parted her lips with his thumb to make sure she wasn't still chomping down on her tongue that was going to be painful come sunrise.

"Geta?" (Y/n)'s voice came out as a quiet mewl along with a trickle of blood that dribbled down her chin.

She tried her best to open her eyes but it hurt to try and get her mind into focus and work out her surroundings. And her hand felt weak and tense when she tried to raise her arm until her hand flopped over Geta's wrist while he dabbed the damp cloth against her burning forehead.

"I'm here, my love."

Shivers bolted up his arm when (Y/n)'s head moved towards his voice. She wanted to be closer to him, she wanted to touch him and be soothed by his touch and his skin and she wanted to keep hearing his voice whispering in her ear.

Heeding to her silent command, Geta placed the cloth back in the bowl and moved to lay down beside her. He slid his arm beneath her neck and shoulders, helping her move slowly until she was laid on her side with her cheek resting on his chest.

She flopped her arm over Geta's waist and nuzzled her cheek into his robes, inhaling his scent that was like a calming herbal remedy.

The feeling of his fingertips gliding up and down her back and across her shoulders was comforting and when his other hand moved to clamp around the flesh of her hip, (Y/n) sighed and melted into him.

Usually after one of her worser spells like this, (Y/n) felt frightened. Afraid for the future, of people finding out and if it would happen again when she was alone and something worse were to happen to her. Not this time. All she could think this time was how safe she felt. How soothing it was to be laid with Geta and have him whispering sweet nothings into her hair.

His lips nuzzled into her hair and he peppered a flurry of kisses against the top of her head while he closed his eyes. If she wanted him to hold her until the sun rose in the sky, that was okay, he would do that. If she didn't feel well in the morning and didn't want him to leave her side, that was okay too. Geta would stay glued to her hip for as long as she needed because it would make him feel better.

He wouldn't be going to any meetings in the morning, he was already sure of that. He didn't want to let his wife out of his sights after this. He wanted her to stay right here, in his arms, where she was safe.

And (Y/n) knew as long as he was with her, she would be okay.

#imagine #emperor geta imagine #emperor geta x reader #emperor geta #emperor caracalla #geta imagine #geta x reader #gladiator imagine #gladiator movie #gladiator ii #gladiator 2

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thewadapan · 1 month ago

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So why did Transformers One bomb?

Look, I'm just going to say it right off the bat: no, Transformers One is not the best Transformers movie of all time. I am (gritting my teeth) very happy for every single Transformers fan except me, who all seem to have liked it, and most of whom seem to have loved it. I agree that, as a production, it meets some baseline level of technical competence. It's a perfectly fine movie.

It's also the worst-performing Transformers movie Paramount has ever made.

Hopefully, now that its theatrical run has unceremoniously ended, people aren't going to try to rip me to shreds for theoretically threatening this multi-million-dollar film's box office revenue some miniscule amount by sharing a few teensy weensy complaints with my fifty followers.

Because I do just have a few little nitpicks, which I've tried my best to communicate, over the next 17,000 words of this post.

If you're not a Transformers fan, sorry, this essay is mostly written with the assumption that you've seen Transformers One. However, it might still be of some interest as a window into the current state of the franchise. I've written a basic plot summary of the movie to bring you up to speed, in that case. Because Transformers One purports to be the perfect introduction to the story, no homework needed, I've also done you the courtesy of elucidating background context as needed—think of this less as a review, and more as a history lesson, or maybe a "lore explained" YouTube video. After all, that's pretty much all that Transformers One is.

(And if farcically long posts aren't really your thing, you might prefer to listen to the special episode of Our Worlds are in Danger where my pals and I chatted about the film. Many of the hottest takes and silliest bits in this essay are shamelessly stolen from Jo and Umar.)

We've been waiting for Transformers One for a very long time. It's the first animated Transformers film to get a theatrical release since The Transformers: The Movie came out in 1986. It first entered development around a decade ago. Many fandom members I know online got to see it as far back as June. Its US premiere was in September; those of us in the UK had to wait a full extra month before seeing it, for no clear reason. This is a film which purports to show, in broad strokes, for the first time on the big screen, the origin of the Transformers: where they come from, who they are, and why they're fighting.

By the end of its runtime, Transformers One does not actually answer these questions. Don't get me wrong, it takes great pains trying to answer a lot of different, related questions—just ones which nobody was really asking in the first place: What does the word "Autobots" mean, if not "automobile robots"? What does the word "Decepticons" mean, if they're not actually deceitful? Why is he called "Optimus Prime"? Why is he called "Megatron"? If they were friends, why did they fall out? Why does Starscream sound Like That? Where does Energon come from? If "Prime" is a title, what were the other Primes like? How do Transformers transform?

Writer Eric Pearson, coming onto the project as an outsider to Transformers, describes having to go to Hasbro to ask these kinds of questions:

they had a script that outlined the story that they wanted to tell. I knew Optimus Prime and Megatron and I knew Bumblebee as well, or B. I had to ask about some of the other deeper ones, the mythology, “what exactly is the Matrix of Leadership?” Stuff like that.

See, Hasbro does in fact have the answers written down somewhere. The story as I understand it goes something like this. During the wild west of the '80s and '90s, Transformers "canon" was largely a by-the-seat-of-your-pants consensus-based affair between the freelance writers and copywriters the toy company would bring on to advertise their toys. That changed around the turn of the millennium, when late later-CEO Brian Goldner saw how Hasbro's licensed IP lines (such as Star Wars) were more financially successful and realised they could make more money by aggressively promoting their own in-house IP, which they didn't have to pay licensing fees for. (For the curious, a similar thought process at rival toy company Lego was what led to their creation of BIONICLE.)

The guy basically singlehandedly managing the Transformers brand at the time, Aaron Archer, eventually set to reconciling all the self-contradictory lore surrounding Transformers, an endeavour which dovetailed into the creation of the HasLab internal think-tank (best known for Battleship, the 2012 store-brand Michael Bay knockoff which was a failure critically and commercially but not in my heart) and ultimately the creation of the so-called "Binder of Revelation", an internal story bible which cost over $250,000 to produce and has strongly influenced nigh on every piece of Transformers media released since, but which we hadn't actually seen until it got leaked a week ago. As it turns out, the document itself (compiled mostly by marketers and toy designers) is patently useless to any writer: it's a typo-ridden internally-inconsistent wishy-washy mess that mostly describes the characters in terms of a made-up form of Transformers astrology that has otherwise never seen the light of day.

So although the Binder is the baseline story bible for most modern Transformers media, its influence isn't direct per se; it's more accurate to describe it as being an elaborate game of telephone between high-profile cartoons, comics, and other internal documents, with the Binder itself apparently just sitting in a drawer somewhere at Hasbro; Eric Pearson says that he never received a "binder", with the "script" he mentions either being the earlier draft from Andrew Barrer and Gabriel Ferrari (the guys who originally pitched the story), or some other unseen internal document. Director Josh Cooley, however, definitely seems to have been physically handed the Binder or its mass-market adaptation:

I knew that there was a lot of origin to be told, and when I first started, [Hasbro] gave me the Transformers Bible. I could not believe how big it was. I was like, "This is way more than I ever anticipated."

When trailers first dropped for Transformers One, a lot of my friends who are savvy were immediately like: "Oh, this is a weirdly faithful adaptation of the Binder of Revelation, huh."

I. The One True Origin of the Transformers

Half of the people reading this are Transformers fans, and half of you literally could not give less of a shit about Transformers, so if you're in the 'former group (so to speak), you'll just have to bear with me while I bring the rest of us up to speed.

Before the Transformers' civil war begins, Cybertron is being oppressed by the Quintessons. The Quintessons are a race of five-faced aliens (as in, not Transformers), who execute everyone they come across, first introduced in The Transformers: The Movie, presiding over a kangaroo court on a castaway world. In the followup cartoon five-parter "Five Faces of Darkness", writer Flint Dille established that, gasp, they were actually the original creators of the Transformers! But basically nobody else at the time was particularly compelled by this idea, it seems, with most fans preferring the more mythological origin story conceived by Bri'ish writer Simon Furman for the Marvel comics. I think people kind of just didn't like to think of the Transformers as being robots—mass-produced, a fabrication, programmed—as opposed to an alien race of thinking, feeling beings like us. But because the cartoon was important to many kids, a lot of early-2000s media tried to reconcile the cartoon and comic origin stories by stating that the Quintessons didn't actually create the Transformers; rather, they simply colonised the planet early in its history and pretended to be the Transformers' creators, until the truth came out and they got kicked offworld. This is how the Binder of Revelation ultimately paid lip service to the Quintessons. In Transformers One, the Quintessons are just sort of here, they're these evil aliens secretly skimming Energon from its miners, they don't speak English (or whichever language the film was dubbed into in your market region), they're just these nasty societal parasites.

Energon is Transformers fuel. In the original cartoon, it was these glowing pink cubes the Decepticons were always trying to produce using harebrained Saturday-morning-cartoon energy-stealing devices. There was a Cold War going on, America had just been through an "energy crisis", maybe you're old enough to remember any of that. Transformers are these big, complicated machines, so I guess the idea is they need this hyper-compressed superfuel to run off, and their homeworld has run out. By the time of the Binder of Revelation, the concept had been telephoned to the point where Energon is like the lifeblood of Primus or some shit.

Primus is the Transformers God—but not the kind of God you have "faith" in, rather this actual guy whose existence is objectively known in various ways. He transforms into a planet, that's kind of cool, right? Where does Primus come from? Look, it doesn't matter, he's like, the God of Creation, he was there at the start of time. He created all of the Transformers. All the other species in the galaxy, though, they evolved naturally thanks to "science". Actually wait, didn't that Quintus Prime guy go around the universe seeding all the planets with different kinds of Cybertronian life? That's why they're called Quintessons. See, now you know. Who's Quintus Prime?

Okay, so the Thirteen Original Transformers, or the Primes, are the thirteen original Transformers created by Primus. Most of them correspond to different kinds of Transformer: Nexus Prime is the god of Transformers who can combine, Onyx Prime is the god of Transformers who turn into animals, Micronus Prime is the god of Transformers who are small, and Solus Prime is the god of Transformers who are women. You might remember the Primes from Revenge of the Fallen, although there were only seven of them there for whatever reason.

Honestly, The Fallen was the only one who mattered for a long time. The whole reason there's thirteen of them is because thirteen is kind of an unlucky number, right? Twelve would've been fine. But throw in a thirteenth guy, and he betrays everyone, he's this fucked up evil guy. In the Binder of Revelation, though, the Thirteenth Prime is his own special guy shrouded in mystery, because they kind of liked the idea that Optimus Prime would secretly turn out to have been the Thirteenth Prime all along, and he just forgot or something, because that means he has the divine right of Primes. In IDW's 2010s comic-book reboot, the Thirteenth Prime was called "The Arisen"—in reference to that one line in The Transformers: The Movie, "Arise, Rodimus Prime!" (this margin is too narrow to explain who Rodimus Prime is). Towards the end of his run, writer John Barber did some actually interesting stuff with the concept, playing with the ambiguity over whether-or-not Optimus Prime was actually the chosen one.

All of Optimus Prime's immediate predecessors as Autobot leaders, Sentinel Prime, Zeta Prime, the lineage seen in "Five Faces of Darkness"... they're all false Primes. They're Primes in name only. In fact, IDW had a whole procession of these cartoonishly evil dictators thanks to a few continuity errors leading to the addition of a couple of extra narratively-redundant fuckers. Transformers One tries to simplify it slightly by just saying that Zeta Prime was one of the Primes for real—occupying that thirteenth "free space"—and it was just Sentinel Prime who was only a normal Transformer pretending to be a Prime, then Optimus Prime who's a real boy.

But if he's not a Prime from the start, Optimus Prime needs another name in the meantime. In the '80s cartoon episode "War Dawn", before he was called Optimus Prime, he was called "Orion Pax". Have you noticed that Optimus Prime is kind of an odd-one-out amongst all the straightup-English-word names like "Bumblebee" and "Ratchet" and "Jazz"? That's because his name was one of a tiny handful from very early in the franchise's development, before writer Bob Budiansky came onboard and came up with identities for the vast majority of the toys. Practically everyone Bob Budiansky named is called like, "Bolts" or some shit, long before the characters even know of Earth, which has always just been a contrivance of the setting you're not supposed to think about.

Presumably to create a parallel with Orion Pax's transformation into Optimus Prime, someone at Hasbro in the 2010s came up with a new name for the bot who would become Megatron: "D-16". In real-world terms, this was nothing more than a dorky reference to the Megatron toy's original Japanese release being number 16 in the line ("D" stands for "Destron", which is what they call Decepticons in Japan). But in-universe, the name "D-16" was drawn from the sector of the mine where he worked. I don't get the impression it was originally intended to be part of a broader pattern.

Which is why I'm baffled as to what the hell the reasoning was behind Bumblebee's pre-Earth name, "B-127". There's this bizarre situation in the Bumblebee film, where the name "B-127" first cropped up, where literally every other bot gets a normal cool name with personality like "Cliffjumper" or "Dropkick" except for Bumblebee, who is stuck with this clunky sci-fi name until he makes friends with a human teenager on Earth and she gives him the name Bumblebee. I guess I don't find it confusing that the writers would (correctly) realise it's a bit weird for Bumblebee to be called Bumblebee on an alien planet where bumblebees don't exist. What I find confusing is that they didn't extend that logic to any other character.

So despite everything else in the franchise's direction pointing away from "robot" and towards "alien", Transformers One ends up with this ridiculous situation where two of the most important guys are, for practically the whole movie, simply referred to as "Dee" and "Bee", I guess because the writers correctly realised the numbers sound fucking stupid.

And if you squint, "Elita-1" sorta fits this naming scheme. But the great irony of it is that the very same cartoon episode which coined "Orion Pax" simultaneously established that Elita-1 also used to go by a different name: "Ariel"! Like the Little Mermaid. Y'know, because an "aerial" is a type of electrical component- oh, forget it.

By the time the script made it into Eric Pearson's hands, it's obvious that he simply was not thinking about it that deeply. He describes the genesis of a scene where Bumblebee introduces his imaginary friends, "A-atron, EP 5-0-8, and Steve." A-atron was impov'd by Keegan-Michael Key as a reference to one of his own skits on Key & Peele. Steve ("He's foreign.") was literally just because Pearson thought it would be funny. It's true that Steve is an inherently funny name, and I guess if you're struggling to come up with jokes of your own, it can be handy to fall back on something which is inherently funny.

And again, our silly answers to these silly questions beget yet more questions. If he started out as "D-16", then where did the name "Megatron" come from? And if all the Primes have epic made-up fantasy names, then surely that one guy can't just be called "The Fallen", right? That's not a name, that's an epithet. Unfortunately, someone at Hasbro had the bright idea to answer both these questions at once: The Fallen's real name was "Megatronus". Later, for consistency, they threw on the title, and we get "Megatronus Prime", which sounds like what a thirteen-year-old on deviantART in 2014 would call their Steven Universe fusion of Megatron and Optimus Prime. So you see, Megatron actually named himself after Megatronus Prime, famously the most evil of the Primes. In Transformers One, this is changed slightly so Megatronus is merely the strongest of the Primes, as part of its overall effort to make Megatron not look completely insane.

Which, it must be said, is a tall order. Better stories have tried and failed. Back in 2007, Scottish writer Eric Holmes came up with Megatron Origin, a perfectly-fine comic miniseries which drew heavily from the miners' strikes that took place in the UK from 1984-1985, coinciding with the inception of the Transformers franchise. In that comic, Megatron is a lowly miner who, through a series of chance events, winds up at the head of a dangerous political revolutionary movement.

For some reason—I guess because nobody had ever tried to make Megatron anything other than a bloodthirsty cackling madman before—this take on Megatron as a guy who rose up against a corrupt system became the defining interpretation of the character, copy/pasted pretty much wholesale into the Binder of Revelation. Orion Pax also opposes the system, and bonds with Megatron over it, but they disagree on how to fix it: Pax believes in peaceful reform, Megatron just loves to kill. In Transformers One, the problem everyone has with Megatron is basically "whoa, this guy's a little TOO angry!" and there's a point towards the end of the film where Megatron suddenly starts jonesing to kill literally anyone who stands in his way, because he's irrationally angry.

The core problem here—and it's kind of the Magneto problem, the Killmonger problem, whatever better-known example you care to insert here—is that these guys all fundamentally exist just to be a big villain who loves to kill people and who ultimately gets defeated, but the kids who grew up on this stuff in the '80s are now adults who are no longer satisfied with cardboard cutout villains. People like a complex villain, they like a villain who has a point. They like to root for both sides. And in fact, it's easier to sell more toys to people who are rooting for both sides, if your villain is just another kind of hero. But you don't really need to take the same effort with the good guys: they're good by design, righteous by nature. They don't need to stand for something, they just need to stand against the guy whose whole thing is that he loves to kill people.

But again, we're starting from a place where the evil faction—who half the planet will ultimately align themselves with—are literally called "Decepticons". It's a name you'd only ever call yourself ironically, maybe reclaiming it from your enemies. In this film, there's some tortured logic that implies they're called Decepticons because they were deceived by Sentinel Prime. Like if you met a gang of guys who call themselves "The Robbers", but it turns out to be because they got robbed one time, and they actually have zero intention of stealing from anyone.

The Autobots are easier, of course. "Auto" is a prefix that just means, like, the self, or whatever. And the most agreeably American ideal of all is selfishness the power of the individual, the freedom to seize one's own destiny. Prime's original '80s motto, "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings," is bastardised in Transformers One into the slightly less rolls-out-off-the-tongue "Freedom and autonomy are the rights of all sentient beings," because (I can only assume) they forgot to work the word "autonomy" earlier into the script. If they ever greenlit Transformers Three, I suppose the motto would have ended up as something like "Freedom, autonomy, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope are the rights of all sentient beings." Even though bodily autonomy is one of the most salient motifs present in the film—all but referred to by name—I suppose the filmmakers were worried that you might think, when Prime says "freedom", that he actually means something completely different. So now you see! "Autobots" is actually the descriptive name of a political movement which believes in obviously good things. Like "Moms for Liberty".

Okay, so the cannier among you have probably spotted the mean rhetorical trick I'm pulling with this encyclopedia-entry-ass introduction. By sarcastically relitigating all the storytelling choices I dislike from the last 20 years of Transformers lore, I can build up a negative association with Transformers One without even reviewing the movie itself! On a subtextual level, I'm deliberately misattributing these bad ideas to the filmmakers, conveniently ignoring the mountains of evidence to suggest that they were just trying to make the best of whatever Hasbro handed them from on high. If anything—you might think—the filmmakers deserve even more credit, for spinning this shite into something even remotely good on the big screen.

Like, you'd be wrong, but I can see why you might think that.

II. The Spider-Verse of Transformers

Okay, I can see that I've spat in your soup. I'm sorry. There are lots of good bits in Transformers One. I can even think of one or two of them off the top of my head, without really racking my brains.

Maybe halfway through the film, there is one specific moment where the story suddenly promises to get good. You can pinpoint it down to the word, down to the frame even. Our heroes have just discovered that their planet's leader, Sentinel Prime, is a complete fraud who's been secretly exploiting them ever since they were born—and worse, castrated them by removing their transformation cogs. They are all very cross about this. Orion Pax expresses that he wants to come up with a plan to expose Sentinel Prime. Megatron is too angry to listen. Orion Pax asks, "Don't you want to stop him?" And Megatron replies, "No, I want to KILL him!" And there's like, a little tint of red creeping into the glow of his eyes.

Whoa. Chills. Up to this point in the film, Megatron has been kind of surly at times, but he's otherwise a generic kids' movie protagonist. He's often chipper. He makes quips. He has this banter with Orion Pax where he's always complaining. It's literally that one "Optimist Prime"/"Negatron" comic, committed to film. Like I'm not even being facetious, one of the film's few obligatory "emotional moments" has Elita-1 sit Orion Pax down and say, "You know what I love about you? You always see the bright side. Like you're some kind of OPTIMIST or something." And then later completely unrelatedly God gives him the mandate of heaven and says "ARISE, OPTIMUS PRIME!" Y'see, as originally conceived, "Optimus" is the word "Optimum" if it was a name, which is why people sometimes localise his name as "Best #1". But it's genuinely kind of cute to reverse-engineer the etymology as coming from "optimist", I guess. Like, it's stupid, but it's cute.

Argh, I got distracted with naming minutia again! Entirely my bad. That's the last time, I promise. Where was I? Right, we'd just found out that Megatron is kind of scary. Brian Tyree Henry's line delivery as he growls "KILL" is his crowning achievement in this film.

Where Optimus Prime's character arc in this movie sees him change from a funny, rebellious spirit to a complete personality vacuum, Megatron's character arc is kind of the opposite. When we're first introduced to him, it's weirdly hard to get a handle on who he is. He's a fanboy for Megatronus, the strongest and most morally-unremarkable of the Primes. He looks up to Sentinel Prime. He likes sports. He doesn't like breaking the rules. In fact, we get the sense that, were it not for his friendship with Orion Pax, he would be literally indistinguishable from the legion of silent crowd-filling background characters he works with. But the moment he starts to become Megatron, it's like everything starts to click. Gears catch, where once they ground and idled. There is something in this guy that was made to fight, made to kill, made to rule. It's sick.

And the underlying tension in his friendship with Optimus suddenly snaps into focus. Megatron is mad at Sentinel Prime, but Sentinel Prime isn't there, he's somewhere else, far below... and he can't help but turn that anger on the next closest thing to an authority figure he has in his life, which is his peer-pressuring bestie, Orion Pax. There is a part of Megatron that wishes he'd never learned the truth, and he blames Orion Pax for his cursed knowledge, for constantly leading them into predicaments on his stupid flights of fancy. Now that he knows, he can't go back to how he was. He can't stop thinking about it.

I'll be honest, it rules. Obviously it rules. It's complicated and toxic and darker than this movie was marketed to be. In interview, Josh Cooley describes the draft of the script he was presented with when he joined the project as having been far more jokey, light-hearted, glib—and it seems we can credit him for saying "Look, this ain't right, the minute the credits roll these guys are going to be at civil war for millions of years."

So, they started talking about it in — what did you say, 2015? I came on board in 2020, and when I came on board there was the first draft of the script. So I don't think they'd been working on it that entire time, but they'd been thinking about it, for sure. And the script that I read was a little more comical? But it was clear that that wasn't the right tone for this film specifically, because we know there's gonna be a war, civil war on Cybertron, you can't have everybody making jokes and then all of a sudden there's a war. So, um, the stakes were really important for this film. And because our characters at the beginning are a little naive, and just on the younger side, not as experienced, it allowed more freedom for them to be a little looser and have fun really getting to know these characters. But once they realize something's going on and things are getting real, it needs to get real.

Cooley also describes his "in" on the film as being the brotherly relationship between Optimus Prime and Megatron (they're not literally brothers in this film, though they have been in the past), which perhaps explains why Megatron and Optimus Prime get to be characters, instead of just like, guys who are there.

That was always the goal from the beginning and what got me on board. It was this relationship between these two characters that was very human and brotherly. I thought about my relationship with my brother and how I could bring that in. It’s not like we’re enemies, but we grew up together and then went down our different paths, but we’re still brotherly. I became a writer-director and live in a fantasy land, and he became a homicide detective who deals with reality, so we’re two very different mindsets. I have always been fascinated by the idea of two people who come from the same place but end up in different ones. From the very beginning, I was like, ‘That’s something I can relate to.’

Anyway, things I liked, what else. There's that joke at the very start, after the excruciating lore powerpoint, where Orion Pax does a fake-out like he's going to transform, the music briefly swells, and then it just cuts to him legging it down the corridor. In a similar vein, I liked the idea behind the Iacon 5000, where Orion Pax has them run in the race. I felt like the execution of the race left a bit to be desired—the only other participant who matters is Darkwing—but it's still honestly the best big action setpiece in the film. There's also that bit at the end where Megatron and Optimus Prime are both changing into their final forms simultaneously, and it's basically a Homestuck Flash (what would that be, "[S] OPTIMUS PRIME. ARISE."?), so obviously I liked that. Oh, and I really liked the environment design where the planet's landscape is constantly transforming, that's brand-new, someone had an Idea there, and it creates visual interest during the initial Energon-mining scene... even if I wished it had actually paid off in a more meaningful way than "the planet's crust opens as Prime falls to get the Matrix"—like, someone really should've gotten eaten by the planet, that's a cracking Disney death scene and they left it on the table! I also liked getting to see my blorbo, Vector Prime, on the big screen.

I think, as a Transformers fan who's had to sit through a lot of really quite sexist, racist, and plain bad films, you're well within your rights to come out of this one ready to give it a fucking Oscar. You should be ecstatic! It has none of those pesky humans clogging up the frame. It has plenty of robot action. It has jokes which- well I struggle to call many of them "funny", but they're at least trying to be funny in a different way to Michael Bay's films. The film is obviously a massive love letter to... honestly every part of Transformers except the live-action movies. It is an incredibly faithful and earnest adaptation of all the lore and iconography that has randomly accumulated the way it has over the last forty years of bullshit.

My main point of contention, then, is with the overriding sentiment I'm seeing from pretty much everyone else in the fandom: that this is not just the best Transformers movie, but that it's a great animated movie period, that it does for Transformers what Into the Spider-Verse did for Spider-Man, what The Last Wish did for Puss in Boots, and what Mutant Mayhem did for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That, in effect, this film will make you "get it". That it's better-looking, better-written, and more meaningful than a silly toy commercial has any right to be.

I think you can definitely see some loose influence from Spider-Verse in the overall look of the film—particularly in its color grading, and in the design of its main setting, the underground city of Iacon, where the upside-down skyscrapers hanging from the ceiling evoke the iconic "falling upwards" shot from Spider-Verse. Like The Last Wish, it's an animated franchise film that spent much longer than you'd think in development, only for the release of Into the Spider-Verse to have an immediate impact on its visual style... without actually affecting the basic story to the same extent. Both Transformers One and The Last Wish, in many ways, feel like stories concocted using an older formula; in particular, Transformers One bears startling similarities to a similar toy-franchise-prequel, BIONICLE 2: Legends of Metru Nui, which was released twenty years ago! By contrast, Mutant Mayhem—which had a much shorter development period—is a direct reaction to Spider-Verse in both aesthetic and narrative, and it has a much more distinctive creative direction as a result.

If you look at how all these titles have performed in cinemas, I think you can make a pretty strong case that audiences are perfectly willing to go out and see this kind of flick. A glance at Wikipedia tells me that Mutant Mayhem, The Bad Guys, and The Last Wish grossed double, triple, and quadruple their budgets respectively. In terms of the pre-existing cultural cachet they were banking on, we're talking about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a children's book series I'd never heard of, and fucking Puss in Boots. You cannot tell me that Transformers, as a brand, is on the same level as any of these properties. Meanwhile, Transformers One hardly broke even, while The Wild Robot—another DreamWorks film based on a children's book I've never heard of, which it ended up competing with in theatres—grosses three times its budget. My friends who've seen The Wild Robot say it made them cry.

Face it: Transformers One has not lit the world on fire. I've seen a lot of people cope with this by suggesting that it's to do with the film's staggered release, or even by claiming that the film's marketing was somehow misleading. I'll be honest, upon seeing it, it did not strike me as being at all dissimilar to the trailers. You can maybe say that the trailers undersold the depth of Orion Pax's and Megatron's relationship—which is its best aspect—but honestly, I think if they'd taken a lot of those scenes out of context and put them in early teasers, audiences would've laughed it out of theatres. Like, c'mon, it's toy robots, stop pretending it's Shakespeare. And otherwise, what you see is what you get; it's exactly what it says on the tin.

I wonder how many Transformers fans, on some level, have noticed that even when we're supposedly "eating good", and watching "peak cinema", our films just aren't as good as everyone else's. They're something you'll enjoy if you're already highly predisposed to enjoy them. But otherwise, they're not turning heads. They're not as funny, or as heartfelt, or as complex, or as exciting, or as charming, or as memorable, or as beautiful as these other films. Unlike with Spider-Verse, there's no word-of-mouth amongst normal people to say that this is a film worth seeing.

What I perceive in studios hoping to recreate the flash-in-the-pan success of Spider-Verse is a misunderstanding of what made people go crazy for that movie in the first place. Yes, it changed our conception of what an 3D-animated film could look like. Yes, the multiverse is very cool and all that. Yes, it had a huge IP attached to it. But on a more fundamental level, that movie has a fantastic story underpinning it. The script is razor-sharp. The story is beautifully complex. The vision of New York City it presents is a living, breathing place, populated by real people. It has the kind of craft to it that can only come from truly obsessive creators cultivating an absolutely miserable professional environment for a legion of passionate animators.

In interview, Transformers producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura actually spoke surprisingly candidly about his view on crunch:

I probably shouldn't answer this question, because I'm not exactly PC on my answer. I think the nature of filmmaking is, we're really lucky to work in a business that's about passion. Passion doesn't fit really well into a timeline, so inevitably you come to a crunch time. It's just true in the live action, it's true in every movie, and authors always tell me that about when they're writing their books — it's the same thing happens to them! There's something about the creative process that's not — it's unruly. So, I think if you're enjoying it, you need to recognize that. Like, you know, I don't wanna abuse anybody, and y'know — if you get into that period where people have to really work too hard, you gotta help them in that situation, then. 'Cause it's gonna come. It does on every movie. I've never seen it not come, no matter how well you plan, et cetera. 'Cause it's not a science what we're doing at all, and there's all these discoveries that happen near the end, which makes you go "oh, let's do some more, come on!". We discovered that on this movie, where we're calling ILM going "we've got a few ideas, you know, do you have enough man-hours?". [...] Like, you gotta be conscious of it — in live-action, for instance, there are some studios that are so cheap that when you're on — sort of medium location-distance and you're shooting 'til midnight, they don't pay for a hotel room. It's like, well, no-no-no, you pay for a hotel room. You protect the people.

According to everyone who worked on Transformers One, everyone who worked on Transformers One was very passionate about it. But there are parts of this film where I think you can say, pretty objectively, that it's falling short of its intended effect. So I guess maybe they weren't that passionate. I'm not saying that to be mean! It's just... isn't that better than the alternative—that this was the best they could do?

III. I did not care for The Godfather

At one point in the film, the gang's magic map leads them to a scary cave, which looks like this:

Bumblebee fills the dead air by saying, "A cave, with teeth. Nothing scary about that!" The joke here is that this is a cave that looks like a mouth. But as depicted, it's a cave that looks like a mouth that doesn't look like a cave! I get that this is an alien planet, but stalactites don't grow that way on Earth, so when you see the cave onscreen, your gut reaction isn't "oh my, what a frightening cave!". No, this is a cave that makes you say, "that's not a cave, that's some kind of alien monster".

(It's not like "cave turns out to be a monster" would in any way be a fresh twist. In BIONICLE 2: Legends of Metru Nui, there's a bit where a character swims into a scary cave, and it turns out to be the mouth of a massive sea serpent. In The Empire Strikes Back, the Millennium Falcon briefly hides in an asteroid tunnel which turns out to be a giant space worm. So I'm definitely not saying Transformers One would've been a better film if it had used this stock trope.)

Then once the heroes go inside, we're whisked off to an entirely different set of concept artwork, for this lush organic underground paradise. There's no danger there. The cave itself is reduced to a strange little footnote. Maybe it's only in the story because a concept artist drew it before they'd worked out the finer points of the narrative, and Keegan-Michael Key just ended up ad-libbing the "teeth!" line when he was told to vamp for a few seconds. Or maybe the teeth gag was fully written into the script from the start, and the environment artists just interpreted it way too literally.

Like, I'm sorry, I don't mean to start off on the wrong foot here by harping on about the cave thing—it's not a perfect example anyway—but to me it's a microcosm for my frustration towards what I perceive to be a lack of creative vision in this film. So much of the film feels like it's not there to be entertaining, or meaningful, or narratively load-bearing... it's just obligatory, something they threw in for the sake of having anything at all. It's colors and sounds. When you see the spiky shape onscreen, you think, "ooh, this film was pretty bouba earlier, but now it's more kiki!" They get the comedian to improvise a few one-liners while the characters walk from place to place. And it's like, yes, this is a film for children. Of course the heroes have an adventure map with a big red X on it. In many respects this is a glorified episode of Pocoyo, or the modern equivalent, which I guess is "Baby Shark | Animal Songs For Children".

Nowhere is this sense of "we are obliged to put this in the movie" felt more strongly than in its supporting cast. When you look closely, you notice that Bumblebee and Elita-1—placed prominently in the film's marketing and being technically present for much of its runtime—don't actually do anything of narrative significance. They don't make choices that impact the story; they're just there, and it would not take much rewriting to excise them entirely, so it's just Orion Pax and Megatron on their little adventure. In fact, I'll just come out and say it: I think Transformers One would have been a better movie if Bumblebee and Elita-1 were not in it.

It helps that, from a Doylist perspective, the motivations for their inclusion are perfectly transparent. Firstly, think of the merchandise! Secondly, in Bumblebee's case, it's fucking Bumblebee, he's the whole reason half the kids will be watching, you can't not have him in there. Whenever Bumblebee's not onscreen, all the other characters should be asking, "where's Bumblebee?" Also, I think the creative team felt that they could use Bumblebee tactically to balance some of the darkness in the story.

In the G1 cartoon, Bumblebee just has the default Autobot personality—good-natured, a little sarcastic—with the dial turned a little more towards friendliness. There's this iconic anecdote from the production that cartoon, where writer David Wise found himself in exactly the same situation Transformers writers are finding themselves in forty years later: he was told to write a story about something called "Vector Sigma", and he had no fucking clue what Vector Sigma was supposed to be. So he asked story editor Bryce Malek, who also had no fucking idea. Malek in turn asked Hasbro, and was told that Vector Sigma was "the computer that gave all the Transformers personalities". Upon hearing this, Malek said, "Well, it didn't do a very good job, did it!" Vector Sigma, in case you missed it, does actually appear in Transformers One, as the polygonal shape that transitions into the Matrix of Leadership in the opening powerpoint; I guess they're one and the same now. Some things never change: in Michael Bay's Transformers movies, there is again just a single default personality that every single Autobot shares, a braggadacious action-hero facade over genuine bloodthirst. Who can forget that iconic moment in Revenge of the Fallen where Bumblebee rips out Ravage's spine in grisly slow-mo?

Aside from the fact that he's small and yellow, Bumblebee in Transformers One bears very little resemblance to any incarnation of the character kids might be accustomed to. Instead, he occupies a stock comic-relief archetype, he's a zany guy who goes "Well, that just happened!" If anything, his one joke in the third act—wanton murder—reads like it could maybe be a reference to his many Mortal Kombat fatalities in Bay's films. Beginning in 2007's Transformers Animated, Bumblebee has sometimes possessed deployable "stingers" that flip out from his hands, as a fun action feature for toys. Clearly someone on Transformers One saw this and thought it was the funniest fucking thing that Bumblebee has "knife hands", because the character spends the third act of the movie just shouting "knife hands!" and cutting people in half like a medieval terror.

(In the UK, Bumblebee's lines were re-recorded at the last minute so he says "sword hands" instead. This is because in the UK, we generally aren't able to kill each other using guns, so it's knives that are the big armed-violence boogeyman. Everyone's always talking about how all the kids have knives. And look, I'm not someone to indulge in moral panic, but genuinely, when I look at Bumblebee chasing around people with knives, saying, "I'm gonna cut these guys, watch!", I'm like... what the fuck were they thinking when they wrote that?)

Frankly, whatever is going on with Bumblebee is just an entirely different movie to everything else that's happening. When Bee shanks his twelfth nameless lackey in a row, the movie's like, awww, you're sweet! But when Megatron tries to kill the one (1) evil dictator who's just fucking branded him, who's still lying to his face while his people continue to die to the guy's fuckin' honor guard, Optimus Prime is like, HELLO, HUMAN RESOURCES?

Bumblebee is solely here to be funny, but there's a point in the film where it needs to become a war story, and the best they can think to do with Bumblebee is to have him kill people but in like, a funny way.

As for Elita-1... look, to put it very bluntly, she is in this movie to be a woman. Transformers has had a long, long forty-year history of boys'-club exclusionism, if not outright misogyny, and each new series usually has a token female character, as a kind of fig-leaf for the fact that really, the only fucking thing Hasbro cares about is that the boys are buying the toys. Beginning in the 1986 movie, it was Arcee who got to be "the pink one" for many years of fiction—but not toys, y'see, when parents want to buy something for their beloved young lad, they don't buy "the pink one", no sir. In the 2010s, wow-cool-OC Windblade took over for a stint as leading lady, decked out in a commercially-non-threatening red color scheme. Recently, though, it's been Elita-1—Optimus Prime's girlfriend from the original '80s cartoon—who's been the go-to female character, and she's increasingly allowed to be pink.

There is a lot of love for these characters amongst creatives and fans alike, and especially in the last decade, female Transformers have been both more numerous and better-written than ever. Unfortunately Transformers One, which depicts Elita-1 as an arms-crossing career-obsessed buzzkill, whose arc sees her learn her place in deference to a less-competent man... well let's just say it struck me as a significant step back in this regard.

There's this great interview with Scarlett Johansson, voice of Elita-1, where she's trying to describe what makes her character interesting, and it's like she's drawing blood from a stone. She's like, "yeah, so Elita-1, I would say, she's on her own journey, because at the start of the film it's sort of like she's working at a big company, you know, and she wants to get a promotion, but then later on she learns that she can't, y'know, get a promotion". Look, it's not that Scarlett Johansson does a bad job—in fact, considering the material she's working with, she practically carries Elita-1 entirely on the back of her performance—it's just that I can't shake the impression that the filmmakers would rather pay Scarlett Johansson god knows how many thousands of dollars than try to think of a second actress that they know of.

As I've already complained, Transformers One has a pretty thin cast, but it effectively only has two other female characters who do anything. Airachnid is a secondary antagonist, Sentinel Prime's spymaster/enforcer, and it's clear that some concept artist really fucking popped off when designing her. She has eyes in the back of her head, and it's ten times creepier than that makes it sound. Her spiderlegs also create some visual interest during fight scenes. As a character, Airachnid has zero internality and is not interesting, but she is cool, so you'll get no complaints from me there.

The film's other other female character is Chromia, who wins the Iacon 5000 race at the last moment. She really comes out of nowhere to clinch it. It's funny, because the leaderboards show this one guy, Mirage, hovering near the top of the rankings for almost the whole sequence. And Chromia's character model really looks suspiciously like Mirage's. In fact, there's a different character who stands around in the background a couple of times who looks much more like Chromia. Funnily enough, that background character is even called Chromia in concept art! So if you connect the dots, it really seems that the "Chromia" who is the best racer on Cybertron was originally meant to be Mirage, a guy, until they switched the character's gender at the very last minute, and didn't bother changing the leaderboards to match.

There are two possible explanations for this. The first is that Mirage was the dark horse of Rise of the Beasts, and for some reason they felt like his depiction in Transformers One would've gotten in the way of their plans for the character somehow. It's plausible, I guess. The second, infinitely funnier option, is that at some point someone working on the movie realised that they only put two women in the film, scrambled to look through the feature to find a suitable character to gender-swap, only to discover to their horror that they'd forgotten to put in any characters whatsoever. Fuck it, the racer guy! He can be a girl. Diversity win, the fastest class traitor on Cybertron... is a woman!

In case you were wondering about the Transformers One toyline leaderboards, by my count, Orion Pax has ten new transforming toys currently announced or in stores, Bumblebee and Megatron have six each, Sentinel Prime has four, Alpha Trion has two, Elita-1 has two, Airachnid has one, Starscream has one, Wheeljack has one, and the Quintesson High Commander has one. In fact, one of Elita-1's toys—the collector-oriented high-quality Studio Series release—isn't scheduled for release until some undetermined point later next year, and she was entirely absent from leaked lists of upcoming releases, which to me smacks of "we realised last-minute that it would look really really bad if we didn't bother to release a good toy of the one woman in the film". Oh, and obviously, Chromia has no toys—but there is an "Iacon Race" three-pack consisting of Megatron, Orion Pax... and Mirage. Go figure.

The thing is, all of the stuff I'm grousing about here is pretty much standard fare for kids' films targeted more at boys. Hell, even The Lego Movie—which is basically the gold standard of toy commercials—gave supporting protagonist Wyldstyle a pretty similar arc to the one Elita-1 gets here, which was probably the weakest element of that film. Evidently conscious of this, Lord & Miller redeemed themselves by devoting the entirety of The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part to deconstructing common narratives surrounding gender roles. I guess I just wish the young girls who presumably comprise some portion of Transformers One theatergoers could actually get anything out of Elita-1 as a character. Ah, what do I know, maybe it's still considered countercultural simply to depict a woman punching people.

Still, to give credit where it's due: Transformers One doesn't remotely touch the gender-essentialism prevalent in the Binder of Revelation, treating female Transformers no differently to their male counterparts in lore terms. Solus Prime is, it seems, just a Prime who happened to be a woman, rather than the mythological Eve after whom all women are patterned. There's a scene where our heroes are gifted the Transformation Cogs of the fallen Primes, and the Primes named thankfully bear no particular relation to the characters; in other words, Elita-1 isn't given Solus Prime's cog. As Alpha Trion puts it: "What defines a Transformer is not the cog in his chest, but the spark that resides in their core." Dude really remembered nonbinary people exist halfway through that sentence huh.

(Actually, the bigger mistake would've been with Megatron: if he was given Megatronus Prime's cog from the start, then this would've created the unfortunate implication that his descent into evil was only the result of Megatronus Prime's fucked up and evil cog, rather than a choice Megatron made of his own free will. The film instead has it the other way around: Megatron's radicalisation into a "might makes right" philosophy is what causes him to covet Megatronus Prime's transformation cog, to steal that power from Sentinel Prime, who stole the cogs of both Megatronus and Megatron in the first place. That's cool! This does create a bit of unfortunate narrative dissonance with Alpha Trion's words, alas, as it does seem like Megatronus Prime's cog really is more powerful than the others, because it gives both Sentinel Prime and Megatron a powerup.)

There's just something that I find so dreadfully mercenary about this movie's cast—honestly, everyone except Orion Pax, Megatron, and maybe Sentinel Prime. Take Darkwing, for example. Bro was clearly designed from the ground up to fill this stock character role of "bully who pushes our guys around and later gets his comeuppance". For a more interesting take on that exact same archetype, look no further than Todd Sureblade from Nimona, a bigoted knight who gets a whole damn character arc in the background, which directly complements that film's main themes.

Again, I'm not playing some kind of guessing game here, the authorial evidence is right there: Darkwing didn't even have a name until Hasbro designer Mark Maher was shown a picture of the character and asked, "If this was a Decepticon flyer, who would it be?" This is actually par for the course with ILM; most of their concept art is labelled with very basic descriptions, with the exact trademarks being picked in conjunction with Hasbro at a later point. Darkwing just stands out in Transformers One because he's the only recurring speaking character who's an OC in all but name (unless you count Bumblebee), he's the one guy who's been invented from scratch with total creative freedom, and he's boring as sin. It's like the filmmakers just couldn't conceive of a children's movie without that stock character—and they clearly had no idea what to do with him once they'd invented him, because he disappears entirely from the film at the start of the third act, when Orion Pax throws him into an arcade cabinet, which they have in the mines on Cybertron for some reason.

In a film with as painfully few named speaking characters as Transformers One, there's really no excuse for having this kind of one-dimensionality in their portrayals. Genuinely, I ask—who are Orion Pax and Megatron fighting to liberate? Jazz, one of the biggest personalities from the original G1 cartoon, who gets all of two boilerplate lines here? Cooley seems to think so:

As you’re designing them the background characters are almost like Lego pieces where you put different heads on different bodies just to fill in a crowd. But some of them would be brought forward and be painted specific colors so that it represents a character that I didn’t know was such a big deal. But there was stuff—like Jazz, for example, has a pretty big role. It was important to have a relationship with a character that we know gets to be saved.

To me, the idea that casual cinemagoers would be invested in any of the Transformers as characters is laughable. Michael Bay's characters are famous for being hateful non-entities. In terms of the films, Jazz is best remembered for dying at the end of the first one, seventeen years ago; he looks completely different here. The one breakout character in recent years—Mirage, as played by Pete Davidson in Rise of the Beasts—was, as I've already mentioned, written out so that the movie could reach its girl quota... not that he would've had any lines anyway.

And I just don't buy the idea that the complete dearth of compelling characterisation in this film is just an unfortunate side-effect of its clipped one-hour-thirty runtime—that, given even half an hour longer, the film would suddenly be crowded with rich portrayals of all your Transformers faves. Bumblebee and Elita-1, ostensibly two of the most important characters in the film, are not in this movie because the movie is interested in telling their stories. They are in this movie for the sake of being in this movie. It insists upon itself.

IV. No politics means no politics

In fact, putting aside merchandising considerations, Elita-1 and Bumblebee serve one very specific purpose in narrative terms. The trait Optimus Prime and Megatron have always had in common is that they are both leaders—and what is a leader, without anyone to lead? Without Bumblebee and Elita-1, you'd have this farcical situation where the only person Optimus Prime ever gets to boss around is Megatron, until the very end of the movie when God makes him king of all Cybertron. The High Guard, Starscream's gang of exiles, serve a similar narrative purpose for Megatron; they're a ready-made army who've just been sitting around waiting for him to show up and take charge.

Towards the end, the movie does actually take care to show both Orion Pax and Megatron rallying groups of Cybertronians: in Pax's case, he reveals the truth to his legion of interchangable miner friends, while Megatron riles up the High Guard mob. Again, there's a bit of that narrative sleight-of-hand, a bit of a thematic cop-out, where the question of "how do Optimus Prime and Megatron come to be leaders of their factions?" is answered only in the most literal possible interpretation. Yes, we technically see the exact chain of events that lead to this point—but both characters are portrayed as born leaders. We don't see them grow into the role, except physically. The moment Megatron decides he wants to rule, he's able to take charge. Likewise, Optimus Prime just gets divinely appointed by God. At a key point, Megatron loudly declares "I will never trust a so-called leader ever again", and the movie plays a fucking scare chord like this is supposed to be ominous. Like, oh no! Optimus Prime is a leader! And they're friends! Whatever will Megatron do when he finds out his friend, Optimus Prime, is a leader?

I don't think the movie has given any real thought to what a leader actually is. It seems to take a stance that power cannot be taken, i.e. through violent action, as Sentinel Prime and Megatron do. That one scene with Elita-1 suggests the most important trait for a leader to have, above and beyond any particular competency, is simply hope and optimism. What I just can't wrap my head around is the fact that the counterpoint the movie presents to Megatron, in the form of Orion Pax becoming Optimus Prime, does not support a belief in collective action or basic democracy—rather, it's a boring sword-in-the-stone divine-right-of-kings fantasy.

Except I do have a theory for why the film is like this. Let's look again at that interview with Eric Pearson, who came onboard in the "late middle" of production:

One of the first things that I did was a big pass on Sentinel Prime. I just felt like he was too obviously telegraphing his wickedness in previous versions, and I felt like, “No, he’s a carnival barker.” He’s got to be a big salesman. He’s a bullshitter, honestly is what he is.

(Honestly, if this is Sentinel after a "big pass" to make his villainy more of a twist, I shudder to think what the earlier drafts were like.)

Now, let's see how WIRED introduces their interview with Josh Cooley, titled "Transformers One Isn't as Silly as It Looks":

He liked the script, which traces how Optimus Prime (Chris Hemsworth) and Megatron (Brian Tyree Henry) went from friends to enemies. But as the world went into lockdown as Covid-19 spread, Cooley found his story changing, if only slightly. Trump was still in office when Cooley started working on the film, and he was having meetings with the producers and they’d “start these meetings off on Zoom just going, like, ‘Holy crap what is going on in this world?’” he says. Ultimately, the infighting they were seeing between Democrats and Republicans in the same family became an undercurrent in the film’s friends-to-enemies storyline, “because that’s what Transformers is.”

So it's like, oh, this is a 2016 election thing. This is just that one election that broke everyone's brains. Of course this movie about a made-up political struggle on an alien planet being developed from 2015-2020 wouldn't be like, hey, you know what might fix our society's problems, is if we had an election. Of course the main villain is a "big salesman" "bullshitter" who says things like "The truth is what I make it!". Wow, guys, your film is so-o-o politically-conscious, and very pretty.

The fantasy is more or less that Donald Trump's army of reactionaries is marching on Washington to seize power through violent means, and on the way he drops Joe Biden into the Grand Canyon, but just before Joe hits the ground a giant fucking bald eagle swoops in to catch him and squawks, "God finds you worthy! Arise, President Biden!"

In our escapist little morality play, our best friend slash allegorical dad gets made king of the planet, and we all get jobs in the government. As in, one of the funniest lines in the movie is straightup Bumblebee exulting, "This is the greatest day of my life. I get to work for the government!" When Prime met Bumblebee—an hour ago—the dude was talking to imaginary friends, and honestly the only fucking skill he's demonstrated since then is cold-blooded murder. We have this dissonance in the storytelling, where it's mostly a story about four friends going on an adventure (are they even friends? Most of them hate each other!), but it's also a founding-fathers political origin story, which means there comes a point where our hero just suddenly starts bossing his friends around in a deep voice, and they're like, "Yes, sir!" It creates this unhinged situation where the "good" faction on Cybertron is ruled by the biblical chosen one and his nepotism buddies.

Per that quote from WIRED (or are they just putting words in Cooley's mouth? I can't help but notice they don't give an exact quote!), the film is ultimately sympathetic to the bad guys (the Republicans, I guess). It deliberately suggests that there is really nothing that should divide the Autobots and the Decepticons: their political goals, it claims, are identical, and they only disagree on the means by which to achieve them. The Decepticons, who are angry and hateful, have simply been misled by a power-hungry liar with charisma—first Sentinel, then Megatron—and so the tragedy is that they are artificially pushed into conflict with their fellow men, when really they should be uniting to stand against their common enemy, the foreigner illuminati trying to steal Cybertron's wealth.

Now, I know I've just handed you a get-out-of-jail-free card. My political allegory here is chock full of holes. What, are Sentinel Prime and Megatron both Donald Trump? Get a grip. Obviously any real-world commentary in Transformers One was only intended in the loosest sense imaginable: things like, "people should be free to change into whatever they want!" I'm being unfair, I'm reading too much into it, this is a cartoon movie for children, and if I want politics, I should start reading some fucking books. Also, come to mention it, my whole argument about that cave earlier really didn't hold water, and- I know, alright? I know.

V. Place / Place, Cybertron

I'm not mad at this toy commercial because its politics don't quite align with mine. I'm not mad at it for having a boring-ass supporting cast. I'm not mad at it for reheating a bunch of half-baked lore I didn't care for from the early 2010s. I've actually spent a lot of time mad about Transformers media that I've thought was bad. There's Transformers: Armada, where the English translators are fully asleep at the wheel and render even the most basic cartoon plots incomprehensible though constant mistranslations. There's Transformers: Micromasters, where two white guys wrote a downtrodden race of tiny Cybertronians who greet each other like "Wattup, my micro!". There's the recent series of Transformers: EarthSpark, where there's an episode that I can only describe as "the Wonka Experience but it's an episode of a children's cartoon", with a plotline that mostly revolves around our child heroes straightup robbing a Onceler-looking businessman of his most valuable possession. There's Transformers: Age of Extinction, with that one scene, and also the rest of that movie. In fact, I would go so far as to say that most Transformers fiction is some combination of bad, offensive, and offensively bad.

So even though I've just spent thousands of words whinging and moaning about how I didn't like Transformers One, the truth is that I had a perfectly nice time at the cinema. I got to go see it with five of my pals who love Transformers just as much as I do, and we had a blast. It is easily in the top 50% of all Transformers fiction.

Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I guess I've always given a lot of thought to what Transformers looks like from the outside. Maybe it's that I'm compelled to spend so much time and money on it, that it somehow compels me to vomit up these kinds of essays, and all I want is to be able to make it make sense to anyone in my life. It would be so, so nice if I could just sit down in the cinema with a friend or family member for a couple of hours, and at the end of it, they'd be able to walk out and say, "Okay, I guess I see what you get out of it." Rise of the Beasts was kind of that movie for me, but Rise of the Beasts is also the seventh instalment in a blockbuster franchise. It kind of takes for granted everything about Transformers.

It doesn't answer, "what the fuck is a Transformer anyway?"

For many years now, fans have noticed a marked aversion to using the word "transform" as a verb, or even as a noun. Optimus Prime no longer says, "Autobots, transform and roll out!", he just says, "Roll out!". Transformers no longer transform, they "convert". In fact, Transformers are no longer Transformers at all: they are "Transformers bots", the italics here serving to distinguish a registered trademark. This is because the worms in suits at Hasbro are worried that, if they continue to use the word "transform" by its dictionary definition—that is, to change—then rival toy companies will be able to make the case that anything that transforms can legally be described as a Transformer. It will become a generic trademark, like Velcro, or Band-Aid, or Dumpster.

Yet in Transformers One, "Transformers" is not just the noun by which the characters are referred to—rather, it's used in a descriptive sense to specifically mean "Cybertronians who can transform"! Characters are constantly talking about whether they can or can't transform. Prime gets to say his catchphrase in full. It's a miracle. Not only that, characters even get to say the word "kill" instead of "defeat" or "destroy".

Transformers One has a level of unrestricted creative freedom not seen since the 1986 animated film. This is a film unconstrained by location shooting, or licensing deals, or uncooperative actors; through the magic of CGI, for every single frame of its one-hour-thirty runtime, the filmmakers can put literally whatever they want on the screen. They were given the assignment, "Make an animated prequel set on Cybertron telling the origin story of Optimus Prime and Megatron", handed an estimated $147 million and a blank page, and told to go nuts. Like those born with transformation cogs, Transformers One had the power to become anything it wanted to be.

The 1986 animated film took that carte blanche to do whatever the fuck it wanted, and basically singlehandedly defined the direction of the franchise ever since. On a lore level, in terms of tone, I would say that Transformers owes practically everything to The Transformers: The Movie. Cartoons, comics, films, and video games have adapted every single one of its scenes countless times over. I'm not necessarily saying that it's a good film, or even that it's a particularly original film—much of it is ripped off from Star Wars—just that it took the franchise somewhere it hadn't gone before. It was looking to the future. As in, literally, it was set in 2005, at the time two decades into the future.

What gets me down about Transformers One is that—like most major franchise media released since The Force Awakens—all it can do is think about the past. Swathes of it are devoted to painstakingly recreating or setting up the various bits of iconography which have arbitrarily come to define the franchise. Even when it appears to be taking things in a new direction, it's not long before it course-corrects back into familiar territory: Steve Buscemi invents a surprisingly fresh take on Starscream's voice, and then Megatron half-strangles him to death, saddling him with a post-produced rasp to emulate Chris Latta's iconic performance from forty years ago.

The very title of the film, Transformers One, is an allusion to the line, "Till all are one," which originates in The Transformers: The Movie. In an early script for that '80s feature, it was actually "Till all life sparks are one", referring to a literal metaphysical process in that draft whereby one Transformer's life force could be passed on to another, presumably with the belief that they would all eventually be merged into a single afterlife. In the finalized story, it's just this kind of mystical phrase vaguely evoking concepts of togetherness and unity.

Transformers One brushes up against the phrase a couple of times. Alpha Trion almost says it at one point, when passing on his dead siblings' transformation cogs: "They were one. You are one. All are one!" Whatever that means. Later, Orion Pax starts a chant amongst the miners: "Together as one!" And finally, at the very end of the movie, during his obligatory film-ending monologue, Optimus Prime again goes: "And now, we stand here together... as one." (Half of Cybertron has just been banished to the surface forever.) "[...] Here, all are truly... Autobots." (Again, half of Cybertron- Optimus, what the fuck are you talking about?) Regardless, this is inexplicably the one instance where the movie doesn't twist itself up into knots trying to nail the exact phrasing.

Actually, there is one other sideways reference like this I can think of. Early in the film, Orion Pax is chatting up Elita, and he remarks, "Feel like I have enough power in my to drill down and touch Primus himself." To which Elita replies, "You don't have the touch or the power." This is kind of a nonsensical retort unless you know that in the 1986 movie, one of the most iconic songs on the soundtrack was "The Touch" by Stan Bush, which had the chorus line: "You got the touch! You got the power!" It's a banger. Anyway, remember when I said Darkwing gets chucked through an arcade cabinet? Well, here's Cooley revealing why that arcade cabinet is in the film:

I actually wrote [that exchange between Orion Pax and Elita] because I love that song. [...] And we had this one version where D-16 and Orion were playing a video game, like a stand-up old arcade game—it was inspired to look like that, but a Cybertonian version of that. They’re playing that together like friends and the song, like the 8-bit song that’s playing is ["The Touch"]. But that scene got nixed. And so I wanted to work it in there somewhere. And I just felt like a natural place for it. But that was one where I’m like, "I just love that song and those lyrics and that’s Transformers to me so I want to get that in there."

(I've had to amend that quote to fill in the blanks where the article has redacted "spoilers" for the movie. Spoiler culture is an absolute pox, I swear. Can't have the audiences knowing about one (1) mid joke in advance—the movie barely has enough jokes to fill a "Transformers One Funny Moments" compilation as it is!)

This actually isn't the first time Hasbro has "nixed" a reference to "The Touch" in major Transformers media. In the Transformers: Cyberverse episode "The Alliance", a character references "The Touch" right before a training montage which is clearly supposed to have the track playing, except instead it's been replaced by a generic rock instrumental, presumably because they couldn't afford the license. And in Daniel Warren Johnson's Eisner-award-winning bestselling comic run, there's one panel where he clearly wanted to include the song's lyrics as a sound effect, but wasn't allowed, so the final sound effect famously reads "YOU KNOW THE SONG". But that's a random episode of a bargain-bin cartoon, and an indie-darling comic series—not a $147 million blockbuster. You really have to wonder if it came down to money, or if it was something else. God knows Transformers One would not actually be improved for having a chiptune remix of "The Touch" in it, anyway.

The most egregious misplaced bit of fanwank in the film isn't even in dialogue. In the 1986 film, there's this one iconic moment when Optimus Prime arrives at the besieged Autobot City, drives through a crowd of Decepticons in truck mode, then fires some afterburners, launching his cab up into the air, where he transforms mid-leap, drawing his blaster to shoot a couple of Decepticons before hitting the ground. It's a fantastic bit of original animation. It's the Akira slide of Transformers. And, surprise surprise, it crops up in Transformers One. In the climactic final fight, Orion Pax shows up to save Megatron, and he does the thing.

But the problem is... he's not in truck mode! The film just cuts to him standing there in the middle of some anonymous mooks, then he does a standing jump into the air, the movie momentarily goes into extreme slow-mo like he's doing a fucking quick-time event, then he shoots a couple of guys and drops to the ground. There's no momentum. It exists purely to create that simulacrum, to take the single most iconic frame from that bit of 1986 animation, and stretch that one frame into infinity. The context is discarded, irrelevant. All that matters is that brief moment of recognition: "I know what that iiis!" God knows Transformers One has precious little in the way of impactful fight animation of its own; the choreography is stiff and uninspired, while the shots themselves are nauseatingly cluttered. Often, the best it can do is pilfer from older, better stories.

"Did you clap at any of the new moments and memorable characters?" "Were there any?"

Look, I get it. Transformers One is a prequel. By definition, it can't change the future. It has to play with the characters that are already in the toybox. But I do think it had this really special opportunity: to show theatregoers where the Transformers come from. To show us Cybertron not as a distant star or a barren scrapyard, but as a living, thriving alien world, unlike Earth, something special and worth protecting in its own right. Something new and memorable. In Rise of the Beasts—probably the best Transformers movie by default—when Optimus Prime is at his lowest, he wants nothing more to return home... but home is something we've only ever seen as a cold dystopia, ruled by Decepticons. The version of Transformers One I had hoped to see was one that would have imbued Optimus' homesickness with greater meaning. I wanted to feel his loss, and to hope that one day the war will end, and Cybertron can be restored.

I think Transformers One sincerely tries to achieve this effect. The concept artists have clearly put a great deal of time and thought into Cybertron as an environment. When the artbook comes out, I'm keen to see how much stuff didn't make it into the finished film. You have to assume most of it got cut, because there's next to nothing left!

At the end of the film, battle lines are drawn, the civil war is about to start... but strangely, the movie's setting does not convey the sense that anything beautiful is being lost. Nobody is unwillingly turned to violence, innocence-lost; they're all too eager to get to killing, friggin' Bumblebee is gleeful about it. There's no beautiful, iconic landmark, which gets tragically destroyed, like in some kind of Transformers 9/11—"What have we done! Where will this war take us!". There's no part of Cybertron's natural ecological environment to be ruined by the war, because the surface world is already turbofucked by the Quintessons to begin with. No, rather, we have the total opposite: Optimus Prime finding the Matrix (which was just, like, hanging out in the core of Cybertron or whatever) actually restores Energon to the planet, removing the unnatural scarcity which was the entire impetus behind the film's dystopia. He made Cybertron great again. So again, Transformers One fails to answer one of the most fundamental questions one might expect of a Transformers prequel: "When did things on Cybertron get so bad?" The movie ends with the planet in better shape to how it started!

The big original idea that Transformers One has is that Cybertron, the planet itself, should be in a constant state of transformation. I've already talked about the beautiful shapeshifting landscapes, but it's also the moving buildings, the complicated mechanisms, the roads and rails that magically lay themselves between the vehicles and their destinations. I've already mentioned how odd I find it that none of these environmental transformations have any significance to the story; the closest it comes to some sort of payoff is when Orion Pax falls into the hole that makes you king.

What I find most perplexing are the deer. When the gang makes it to the surface, the idea is to show the natural beauty of the surface, which the cogless have been denied their whole lives. The mountains glisten as they move. Nebulae glow in the night sky. The surface is blanketed in organic (?) plantlife, like a watering can forgotten in a garden. And, most strikingly, there are deer: mechanical animals, just like those found on Earth, being hunted for sport by the evil Quintessons. When the cruisers near, their glowing horns turn red with alarm, and they prance around in fear.

I'm reminded of a brief gag from the third season of Transformers: Cyberverse—one of very few shows to have devoted any serious effort to Cybertronian worldbuilding—in the episode "Thunderhowl". Bumblebee and Chromia stumble across a "singlehorn" (read: unicorn), and when it senses danger, it neighs, transforms into a rocket, and blasts out of frame. And apart from being really cute and funny, it's like, oh, of course that's what animals are like on Cybertron! Everything on this planet transforms. Why not the animals?

For whatever reason, the deer in Transformers One are like the one thing that don't transform. Why the hell not? If Cyberverse could find the budget for its split-second sight gag, surely this blockbuster could, I don't know, have them turn into dirt bikes with antler-handlebars. That would've been something, right? If not, then at least could we maybe see some other animals on Cybertron, to really get across that alien biodiversity? Of course not. See, the deer exist to communicate one very specific story beat: a single moment of trepidation, where the heroes know there's danger nearby, but they don't know what. And all you need for that is a single kind of prey animal, with some kind of warning light to let you know, hey, there's danger! Once this purpose is fulfilled, the deer have no further significance to the story.

We need only look to BIONICLE 2: Legends of Metru Nui to see this exact same beat play out with a modicum of competence and creative flair. Also in the second act—in fact, at practically the exact same timestamp—our heroes, the Toa, have a run-in with the bad guys, and they're nearly captured... but then there's this sudden rumble of danger approaching, we don't know what. It turns out to be a herd of giant Kikanalo! They send the bad guys packing, except they nearly trample our heroes too! But then, Toa Nokama's mask begins to glow, and she discovers that her mask grants her the ability to talk to animals. They learn some vital information from the Kikanalo, and are able to ride the creatures for the next stage of their adventure. Finally, when they can go no further, the Kikanalo cave in the passage behind the heroes to ensure they won't be pursued. Holy shit, that's like, five different story beats with just that one type of creature!

It's not just that Transformers One struggles with that kind of basic narrative flow, where a single element serves multiple purposes. It's that often, it wastes precious time creating redundant setups to achieve the same effect twice.

For example, Megatronus Prime's face happens to look exactly like (what we know will be) the Decepticon insignia. At the beginning of the movie, Orion Pax mollifies Megatron by giving him a rare decal of Megatronus Prime's face. Traditionally, Megatron wears his insignia in the middle of his chest—but in this film, nearly every character has a big hole in the middle of their chest, where their missing transformation cog should go. So Megatron sticks the decal on his shoulder instead.

Later, he gets a cog, and the hole in his chest is filled. When Sentinel Prime captures Megatron, he notices the Megatronus sticker, and rips it off. Then, he re-applies it on Megatron's chest—purely so it's in the "right" place for the iconography. And then, he uses his gun to crudely brand Megatron with a tracing of Megatronus' face, inadvertently creating the Decepticon symbol. Finally, in a post-credits scene, Megatron has fashioned a proper Decepticon brand with which to brand himself and his followers. So in effect, there are four separate moments where Megatron gets the symbol! Orion sticking it on his shoulder, Sentinel moving it to his chest, Sentinel mutilating him, and finally Megatron branding himself. You can make an argument that the symbol starts out meaning one thing, but ends up meaning another thing, which has a kind of tragic significance—but I think you would struggle to distinguish subtle shades of meaning from all four of these brandings. Considering the movie only has an hour and a half to work with, I find this lack of narrative economy to be honestly embarrassing.

(My friend Jo also points out what a misstep it is to just have Megatronus Prime's face perfectly resemble the Decepticon symbol from the start. Had it been a looser, more stylised—that is to say, original—design, the moment where Sentinel Prime roughly carves it into Megatron's chest could be a shocking reveal, as the basic outlines are abstracted and simplified. Gasp, that's the origin of the Decepticon symbol! Instead, from the very moment that sticker first shows up, it's like... oh, well, there it is I guess.)

In a similar vein, both Optimus Prime and Megatron undergo two different transformations at different points in the movie: first, when Alpha Trion gives them transformation cogs, and second, when respectively they obtain the Matrix of Leadership/Megatronus' cog. The gun that sprouts from Megatron's arm in his intermediary form bears a much closer to resemblance to his iconic "fusion cannon" than the triple-barrelled cannon he ends up with in his final form. Again, in such a short film, can we really say whatever subtlety this brings to Megatron's arc is worth all this fanfare? Now, Redditors ask: "What is the EXACT moment D-16 became Megatron?"

In fact, probably the only point of criticism I've seen levied at Transformer One from within the Transformers fandom at large is that Megatron's arc is maybe a little "rushed". He starts out being best bros forever with Orion Pax, and by the end of the film, he's ready to drop the guy into a bottomless pit. The film takes a lot of time to justify his anger at Sentinel Prime, but the deterioration of his friendship with Orion goes much more unspoken, and is framed more as a point of irrationality: psychologically, Megatron comes to conflate his bossy friend with his oppressive ruler. I liked this, personally. I liked that it's as if a switch gets flipped in Megatron's head. But you do just kind of have to buy into it. The film itself does not put in the work to really sell you on the friendship souring, because again, it's too busy fucking around with two (2) magical girl transformation sequences for each of them.

Everything in the film is like this. They go into the cave and meet Alpha Trion, then leave the cave so they can watch a FMV cutscene with Sentinel Prime and the Quintessons, who've coincidentally arrived at that exact moment, basically just to rehash what they've just been told... and then they go back into the cave so Alpha Trion can resume his infodump, and then they end up clashing with Sentinel Prime's forces once that's done. At the beginning of the movie, they're at the very bottom in the mines, then they get banished to an even lower level, then they banish themselves all the way up to the surface, then they return to Iacon, and then Megatron gets banished to the surface again so he can be mesmerized by the beauty of the world and/or get gunched by Quintessons depending on what the film wanted me to take away from this. Compare to Minecraft but I survive in PARKOUR CIVILIZATION [FULL MOVIE], where the theme of class struggle is pretty efficiently depicted in the vertically-stratified setting.

I just find it so wasteful. Outside of the one scene where they're introduced, the Quintessons—ostensibly the true architects of Cybertron's oppressive status quo—may as well not exist. If not for Orion Pax addressing his closing remarks to the Quintessons, almost as an afterthought, I'd assume the film wants us to forget about them entirely, as it knows full well that its paltry runtime does not give it time for a second action-climax against the aliens. Even as sequel bait, it feels halfhearted at best; Josh Cooley is clearly already bored of Transformers, and seems unlikely to come back for another round unless the money is really really good (which *glances at the box office* it's not). So what the fuck are the Quintessons here for? Was the idea that Sentinel might just have pulled off his coup singlehandedly really so hard to stomach? Could the conspiracy not have been simplified to just involve Sentinel and his Transformer cronies? Hang on, are all the Transformers seen at the start of the film in on it, or just some of them? How's it decided who keeps their cogs and who doesn't?

VI. Into nothing

Why does this movie, where the main selling point is ostensibly that we're getting to see Transformers civilization for the first time, mostly focus on all these guys who can't fucking transform? Surely the entire thing that makes the setting fun is the Zootopia angle of, look, they're all different animals! Or the Elemental angle of, look, they're all different elements! Or the Emoji Movie angle of, look, they're all different emoji! Or the Cars angle of, look, they're all different cars! This is a Transformers film which features several significant sequences involving these cool trains, and there is absolutely zero indication that these trains are themselves Transformers. This is a Transformers film which extensively focuses on miners, and none of them transform into mining vehicles; they're holding, friggin', space jackhammers. Even the premise of "isn't it sad that these ones can't transform" is kind of undercut by the fact that all the miners get to wear fucking jetpacks, which is a frankly much cooler and more effective method of locomotion than driving.

I'm just sick of Transformers stories having zero interest in the basic premise of Transformers, which is to say, they transform into something. I also think this is the biggest dissonance between casual audiences, who think "oh yeah, Optimus Prime, that guy who turns into a truck", and Transformers fans, who think, "oh yeah, Optimus Prime, the messiah or something". Normal people love to know what the Transformers turn into. They ask, "Wait, is there a Transformer that turns into [insert silly vehicle here]?" Of course people are interested in that angle! Vehicles are such a huge part of our daily lives—honestly, for those of us living in cities, more so than animals, the classical elements, or emoji—but the closest Transformers One comes to engaging with this lens is that aforementioned Iacon 5000 race sequence. By and large, it presents a world which is made for standing up and walking around. And personally I do think that's an insane approach to take?

Is the excuse that cars can't emote? Nonsense. If you've ever seen a traffic jam, you'll know that cars can sure as hell emote. Pixar, where Josh Cooley cut his teeth, famously spent a lot of time working out how to put a facial expression on a car. No, the problem dates back to the very start of the franchise.

In the 1980s, two main people were responsible for writing the comic stories: American writer Bob Budiansky, and British writer Simon Furman. Budiansky approached the premise of the franchise from an external, human perspective, writing about culture clash, and taking delight in the Transformers' mechanical alien nature as "robots in disguise". Meanwhile, Furman wrote the Transformers as giant people: he focused on their own internal conflicts and motivations, and the grand history of their war. Pretty much every Transformers story ever told can be boiled down to one of these schools of thought: Budianskyist, or Furmanist.

Budiansky quit the comic after fifty issues, allowing Furman to take the reigns as sole writer, and Furman basically got the final word on what the Transformers are. They did not evolve from naturally-occurring gears, levers and pulleys. They were not designed by a supercomputer, or built by an alien race. They are the chosen sons of God. The Thirteen are, of course, an invention of Furman's. And Transformers One is perhaps the most Furmanist story ever told. It's the culmination of years and years of lore building up, ossifying into something you can no longer describe as the history of a universe—no, this is a mythology. It's the most perfect form of brand alignment imaginable: this is not an origin story, this is the origin story. It's been the origin story for a better part of the decade—and now that everyone's seen it in theatres, it will be the origin story forever.

It's not just the fiction, either, by the way. These days, if you go into the store to buy a Transformers toy, chances are it'll turn into some misshapen made-up futuristic concept car with unpainted windows and wheels that don't even roll—and that's terrible.

There's truly a lot to hate about Michael Bay's Transformers films, but with each new entry that's released following his departure from the franchise, I feel like I only find myself appreciating them more. In the 2007 Transformers movie, we see the Transformers crash-landing on Earth in their "protoforms", and their movements are animated like they're shy, like they're naked until they scan an Earth vehicle and adopt a disguise. The visual impact of Megatron, meanwhile, is that he doesn't adopt a disguise in that movie: he's a horrible metal skeleton that turns into a jet made of knives. It's weird and alien and it rules.

In the 1980s Transformers cartoon, and in the last-minute Cybertron-set prologue added to Bumblebee, and now in Transformers One, the Transformers look basically the same on Cybertron as they eventually do upon their arrival to Earth. Optimus Prime turns, unmistakably, into a truck. He has windows on his chest, and smokestacks on his arms. He doesn't have these features because he disguises himself as an Earth truck. He has those details because that's just what Optimus Prime looks like. They're his "essential brand elements", or "trademark details", which "identify the must-have elements in character design to be carried across all creative expressions". Prime may take any form he wishes, so long as it looks exactly like himself. A mask of my own face—I'd wear that.

What I find fucked up about the reception towards Transformers One is that a lot of people seemed very invested in its success—and not its popular success, certainly not its artistic success, but rather its commercial success. They wanted this to be the first film to make one bumblebillion dollars. They wanted Hasbro to line its fucking pockets and make movies like this forever. So if you express any kind of negativity towards this film online, which might theoretically affect some other person's decision of whether or not to go and see it, which might theoretically affect the profit it makes at the cinema, which might theoretically affect the future of the franchise in some unknown way, then you're some sort of fandom traitor who oughta be executed.

If you're so worried about the future of the franchise, the fandom really isn't where you should be looking. Like, c'mon, the Transformers fandom has been good as gold, we buy so many toys. Meanwhile, Hasbro just got finished laying off around 100 employees with no warning to make their books look a bit better. Transformers designer John Warden—who'd worked at Hasbro for 25 years, is widely credited with inventing the modern paradigm of Transformers toylines, and ultimately became the creative director of both Transformers and G.I. Joe—was on assignment to a convention in the UK with the rest of the Transformers team when he heard the news. Suffice to say, he did not end up making a public appearance at the convention. With his work's health insurance snatched away without notice, he's had to resort to crowdfunding to pay his family's medical bills. As a well-known figure in the toy industry, he will presumably find a new job and land on his feet, but the same cannot be said for all 99 of the remaining employees we're told have been unceremoniously dumped.

The Binder of Revelation, which has been something of a holy grail of behind-the-scenes material for over a decade, has finally been leaked—presumably by one of these guys, presumably out of spite.

Now, I'm not going to pretend to have been paying particularly close attention to Hasbro's financials, but from where I'm sitting, it sure seems that ever since the sudden death of then-CEO Brian Goldner in 2021—credited for saving the company in 2000, and overseeing the explosive growth of its intellectual property ever since then—his replacement, Chris P. Cocks (or "Crispy Cocks", as we're all now calling him), has been dead set on gutting the company for all it's worth. The Power Rangers franchise, which the company acquired for $522 million in 2018, is dead in the water, with huge quantities of physical assets being flogged at auction for quick cash. In 2019, they acquired the entertainment company eOne for $4.0 billion, and now they're selling off the whole shebang (except the cash-printing Peppa Pig franchise) for just $500 million. I guess maybe they just fucked it big style?

Because now, Crispy Cocks has proudly announced that Hasbro is going to stop financing movies altogether.

I'm sure that in the wake of this announcement, many of those aforementioned fandom pundits will be drawing a correlation between this announcement, and the box-office figures for Transformers One, and the fact that you personally failed to convince your Mom to go see it with you or whatever. "Ah, you see! They didn't make enough of their money back, and now they're consolidating. Simple economic cause and effect. Market forces." And look, I'm not going to sit here and claim these things are wholly unrelated. Of course they're very related. But I am going to make the case that, in truth, nobody at Hasbro really cared how Transformers One did. Unless it turned out to be some pie-in-the-sky runaway hit, I don't think the future of the Transformers film franchise would've been particularly different if only the film had done better.

With Paramount, Hasbro has been making these movies and having them underperform ever since 2017's The Last Knight—which apparently lost Paramount $100 million—and that's because at the end of the day, what they're most interested in isn't making movies. It's making toy commercials. And on that level, the Transformers films have clearly been a success so far.

Now, Crispy Cocks' skinsuit fashions itself as a gamer, so he can personify Hasbro's hardcore pivot towards digital and tabletop gaming. While we await the release of the assuredly-dogshit, assuredly-hell-to-have-worked-on, assuredly-never-coming-out Transformers: Reactivate, the brand has been whored out to a procession of mobile games you've never heard of, glorified gambling machines designed to hack the monkey part of your brain with bright colors and Things You Recognize. The exact content of these games is irrelevant; all that matters is the announcement, on every single pop culture news outlet simultaneously (naturally—they're all owned by the same company, talk about Monopoly), of New Collaboration Between Transformers And Goon Warriors Free To Download Now. Your daily, weekly, bi-annual reminder to think about that thing you can buy.

That's all any of this stuff is.

All these words spilled about what a good movie Transformers One is, and how bad it is, and why the marketing failed it, and what the next one might be like, and- none of it mattered! It does not matter. From the beginning, this movie was always going to be too preoccupied with its own mercenary interests to be something anyone would ever be able to seriously talk about as a work of art, even corporate art. The actual content of the movie is irrelevant; I've spent very little of this review talking about it, because there's nothing there to talk about. It is the mere fact of the movie's existence that serves its purpose. Like the Optimus Prime Fortnite skin, it's enough for it to occupy our attention.

Maybe that's why they staggered the film's release date: because some marketing exec watched the rough cut and realised, if everyone saw it at once, we'd be done talking about it within a fortnight. And in ten years' time, after it has been paraded around whichever streaming services survive 'til then, and nearly every last cent of revenue has been squeezed out of it, the kids will be able to watch it on YouTube with ad breaks, and decide what they want for Christmas.

To the Transformers fans reading this, I am begging you, unless you happen to own shares in Hasbro for some fucking reason, to disabuse yourself of the feeling that you owe any kind of loyalty to a toy franchise. It shouldn't matter to you one jot how Transformers One did in theatres. The people who actually make the product you care about, the friendly faces paraded before you on livestreams and press tours, don't see this money anyway—they too are merely assets, who can be fired and replaced with cheaper, inferior equivalents.

I'm sure many of you will have, from the very start, seen this review for the foolish endeavour it is. I've wasted all this time criticising Transformers One for its lack of artistic vision, when the truth is, Transformers One is playing an entirely different game. Like the Disney Channel running "Fishy Facts!" segments to subliminally get kids interested in fish a full year and a half before the release of Finding Nemo, this is not a product—it's an ad for a product.

...

Okay I'll be honest, I don't entirely love where this review has ended up. It ends on kind of a "bummer note", I guess you could say. Flashing back to sections I. and II., I feel like things started out so fun. We had that whole bit at the start where I was telling you about the Transformers, remember that? We learned so much together. And there were even a few moments where I was able to express some kind of sincere joy and appreciation over this thing that I supposedly adore so much. Sure, I did a lot of complaining, but it was fun complaining, right? It had like, a sarcastic edge to it, sort of.

What happened? Why am I suddenly talking like I want to cut someone's head off? As I grow more bitter, I type this essay with increasing difficulty. The massive gun that's sprouted from my forearm keeps colliding with my monitor.

Hasbro descends from on high to reward @TFHypeGuy, a grown-ass adult who has spent untold unpaid hours fearlessly replying to every single viral tweet to tell people to go see the film, somehow netting himself 80,000 followers in the process, with a crate of toys, which was probably his end goal from the start. He and I duel. We trade blow after blow. Finally, he clobbers me with a Walmart-exclusive light-up Ultimate Energon Optimus Prime figure. "It didn't have to end this way," he says. Then he banishes me to the surface world to think on my sins.

VII. The Wrong Trousers 👖 | Train Chase Scene 🚂 | Wallace & Gromit

When Eric Pearson came onto the project,

It was late middle of the game. They had a script that had the outline of the story, which is still very much the structural bones of the story now. But what I found interesting about animation is there are certain things that were far along in the process. The train escape to the surface was very far along, so that was just kind of locked. Maybe you could change a line here or there. Meanwhile, the opening, the whole first 10 minutes, was all storyboards and sketches, which changed a bunch of times.

And I do think that's a really difficult position for a scriptwriter to be in. Sure, the parts of the screenplay I feel able to attribute to Pearson, I wasn't particularly impressed by. But I think this anecdote goes to show how unnatural the constraints can be on a story like this. When you think of like, a scene that's key to Transformers One, you're probably imagining something like the Megatron/Optimus fight, or the scene in the mine—not the train scene, which is basically a bit of arbitrary connective tissue bridging the two main locations in the film.

Josh Cooley, the film's director, the face of the film on the press circuit from a creative standpoint, came onboard after five years of previous development work was already done. Writers Andrew Barrer and Gabriel Ferrari, who originally pitched the film and presumably wrote the early drafts of the story, might have already left the project by that point. Aaron Archer and Rik Alvarez, the creative forces behind the Binder of Revelation, left Hasbro years before the film was even pitched. It's no wonder to me that the final result feels incoherent, disjointed, and oddly stilted. It's certainly no wonder that nobody at Hasbro today really seems to care about the film; it's not their baby. If any of the people credited with bringing the project to completion had been given full creative freedom to make whatever Transformers movie they wanted, it would've looked completely different.

Luckily, there are still plenty of areas of the franchise where creators have just been allowed to go ham. Over in Japan, TRIGGER has taken a modest budget for a music-video and produced one of the most visually-striking bits of animation in the franchise, a true love-letter to all the weird parts of its forty-year history. And in America, comic creator Daniel Warren Johnson is halfway through his Eisner-winning new run on the title, which is the kind of thing I would basically recommend to anyone without caveats as being a phenomenal story, period. If that comic can be said to be an advert for anything, it's for Skybound's other, nowhere-near-as-good comic series, or for the unofficial unlicensed copyright-infringing Magic Square Optimus Prime toy Daniel Warren Johnson apparently used as reference the whole time.

I dunno, maybe Hasbro stepping back from financing these films is a good thing, in the long run. Maybe we can do without Transformers movies for a while. And however many years down the line, maybe Paramount or some other studio will put together a new team of talent, and they'll get to do whatever it is they want. And maybe the movie they make will be the one that knocks everyone's socks off.

Truly, I don't know where the road leads from here. It hasn't been built yet. It could turn out to go anywhere.

If you made it this far, I hope some of what I've said has been entertaining or interesting. Thanks for reading!

Time to for me to come clean. There is one other reason why I've waited so long to release this review... and that's because I have a special announcement to make. Last month I set myself a little challenge: to write something that's at least as long as this review, but which isn't another negative-nancy tirade. It's a story.

The working title is "Ice Road Transformers". It's like an episode of that one reality TV show about Canadians driving trucks across frozen lakes—except the truck is Optimus Prime.

Early reviews say it's good! It'll be going through several rounds of revisions, to turn it into a well-oiled machine, hopefully in time for a seasonally-appropriate wide release in February. I'm very excited for you to be able to read it. You can follow me here or on Bluesky to be the first to find out when it's ready!

I'd like to thank my friends Jo and Umar for their work interviewing Cooley and di Bonaventura during the film's press circuit, along with Viv, Callum, and Omar for allowing me to enjoy this film much more than I otherwise might have. I wouldn't have been able to express many of my feelings about this movie nearly so cogently if not for the conversations I had with them. Additional thanks go to Chris McFeely, as his Transformers: The Basics videos (linked throughout this essay) refreshed my memory on a lot of the Aligned stuff, sparing me from having to read The Covenant of Primus again.

#transformers #transformers one #movie review #essay

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infamous-if · 2 years ago

Text

✮ DEMO (457K) ✮ FAQ ✮ PLAYLISTS ✮ PATREON

Latest update -> 9/08/2024

You're going to be a superstar, no matter what it takes.

You and your friends have been in a band since high school, when all you were was a lead singer to a band that played out of someone's garage and did occasional birthday party gigs for the neighborhood kids. after years of grinding, your band has yet to make it big, but has managed a small and dedicated cult following. All you and your bandmates want is to see your names in glittery lights, traveling the world to perform for millions of fans.

Your chance comes in Misfit Alley's Battle of the Bands. After auditioning every year with no success, your band has finally gotten the opportunity to tour across the United States and open for the biggest band in the world, performing against other bands in the hopes that you win and get signed.

As you perform, your fame rises and you can see the dream coming to fruition. But with fame comes problems of its own, some that might just ruin you and the band you swore to take to the top.

Infamous is rated 18+ for explicit language, explicit sexual themes, drug and alcohol use, violence, morally questionable behavior, and more.

✮ FEATURES ✮ CHARACTER INTROS ✮

Customize your MC (the lead singer of your band)'s appearance and personality, as well as their public image and persona. Are they loved or hated by the public? Controversial or appeasing? Humble or arrogant? Fame and money-hungry or simply there for the music?

Following that, work on your band's public image and whether they're mainstream or underground, depending on the choice of music you release and what kind of promo you do. Is your band hated by parents due to its explicit content or is your band squeaky clean, perfect for a mainstream label?

Engage in fiery romance with an array of wild characters, including some that may just get you into hot water with the rumor mill.

Create your own lyrics and decide whether you want to be a genuine artist or the face of a brand.

Get rich and famous ! Isn't that what you're here for?

✮THE BAND + ROs✮

The Band Manager: Orion/Oriana Quinn ✮ he/him or she/her, 35 ✮ [RO] -- strict and reserved, O is the antithesis of what a rockstar is. Some call their cold and uptight demeanor having 'a stick up their ass' but they call it being business focused. O is all about bringing the band to the top, which includes being professional at all times.

Special romance route: you can choose to have been chasing O for years, to no success (until now?)

The New Addition: August Pierce ✮ they/them, 26 ✮ [RO] -- With the exit of your bandmate, August has taken her place as the band's drummer. Usually shy and reserved, that all goes out the window once they start playing. You wonder if their isolation is less a personality trait and more the fact that they're in a band with longtime friends. Doesn't matter--seems like it'll take a while for you to get close to them regardless.

The Idol: Griffin/Gina 'Gigi' Reign ✮ he/him or she/her, 28 ✮ [RO] -- the spunky, charming and controversial lead singer of Misfit Alley and now your mentor, G Reign is currently the most famous person on Earth. Everyone either hates them, wants to be them, or wants to fuck them. Of course, this means a slew of trouble if one gets close to them...that is if they even allow it.

Special romance route: engage in an affair / engage in a strictly physical relationship (that can lead to a romantic one) // poly route with Victoria Valentine

The Rival: Seven Lawless ✮ he/him or she/her, 27 ✮ [RO] -- once your best friend or ex, they are now your rival and the lead singer of Soft Violence, another band competing for Battle of the Bands. They hate you. Still, the line between love and hate is a whole lot of passion.

Special romance route: can either be an ex or a former best friend, enemies to lovers.

The Girl Dad: Sebastian Holland ✮ he/him, 33 ✮ [RO] -- a normal and friendly data analyst, Sebastian isn't about the music scene....but his daughter is and she's a superfan of your band. Sebastian is your typical 'nice guy' almost too nice, sometimes, and has been dragged along by his daughter to follow the Battle of the Bands for her birthday. He's just a normal civilian. The last thing you should do is get to know him, right?

The Eye Candy: Victoria Valentine ✮ she/her, 27 ✮ [RO] -- G Reign's wife, she's an upcoming actress and model. Victoria has been G's eye candy since they came up on the scene, but you can almost sense the tension between them. And the way Victoria seeks shelter in someone else...that could be you.

Special romance route: engage in an affair // poly route with G Reign

✮BAND MEMBERS✮

Rowan Hart (he/him) -- guitarist

Iris De Luca (she/her) - keyboardist

Devyn Powell -- (they/she) bassist, background vocals

reblogs appreciated! and thank you for your interestttt

#choice script #interactive game #interactive fiction #interactive novel #cog game #hosted game #dashingdon #interact-if #if wip #interactive fiction wip #choice of games #cog

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twobluejeans · 1 year ago

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HEARTBREAK ON TOUR!

charles leclerc x famous!reader

summary: in which the lavender haze has been lifted. or in which america’s it couple splits.

part 8: you’re losing me, part 7: revenge dress, series masterlist

faceclaim: madison beer

ally’s radio 📻: PART 8! taylor swift deserves jail time for creating you’re losing me. taylor swift also deserves jail time for not officially releasing it. def recommend listening to it reading the chapter! (might have to stream illegally bc mother is being stingy 🙄.)

INSTAGRAM, july 17 (midnight)

liked by paulwesley, ninadobrev, and 13,333,112 others

yourinstagram and just like that, the final chapter of Midnights, is out now. this is my most personal body of work that i'm putting out into the universe, and i'm so scared yet excited to share her with u. thank u to my team, my producer jackantonoff turned dearest friend of almost 7 years (woah!!!) we spent many noons & midnights on this album and i'm forever in debt n grateful. thank u to all my other friends who i didn't mention, yk who u are. to everyone else, thank u for your persistent patience and support. it does not go unnoticed. from my heart to yours, midnights (till dawn edition), is available on all streaming platforms. i love u. thank u 💗.

View all 101,273 comments

leclerccharl ain’t that the teddy bear charles won for her at the fair forever ago??!

y/nsfeverdreamhigh leclerccharl o em gee yeah..

fernandoalonso_offical Proud of you cariño

barbie 🥹🥹💗💗

landonoriss screaming crying shaking throwing up

danielricciardo gagging choking ascending to god

authur_leclerc Love you always, Proud of you always ❤️

INSTAGRAM STORIES, july 17

zendaya 30m

viewed by alexademie, tomholland2013, and 64,134 others

badgalriri 2h

viewed by harrystyles, bellahadid, and 3,262,128 others

sabrinacarpenter 5h

viewed by zendaya, lola.tung, and 1,524,211 others

TWITTER, july 17

The song’s big question: “Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?”

BY: ALLY PUBLISHED: JULY 17, 2023

Y/n L/n’s lyrical candidness is what has always made her standout as a songwriter. Whether she was writing about young love, relationships, or breakups, her songs never flinched from trying to paint a full picture, even if it was one that was hard to look at.

It’s been a while since the super star has released a breakup song, but it was only a matter of time; since the singer split with Charles Leclerc, fans have already began anticipating the inevitable breakup album. But it turns out they didn’t have to wait long. At Midnight (July 17), L/n released a second deluxe edition of her 2022 album Midnights, which included four new songs, among them the release of “You’re Losing Me,” a song fans have deciphered as ostensibly about her split with Leclerc.

via @yourinstagram on instagram

The nearly 5-minute track is a devastating relationship ender if we’ve ever heard one, as it details the hopeless and tragic dissolution of a relationship. Though L/n doesn’t include any names or details, it’s not hard to see why fans are interpreting it as being about her and Leclerc.

When Entertainment Weekly first broke the news of their split in April, sources for both parties diplomatically described the breakup as amicable, and that “it was not dramatic.” “The relationship had just run its course,” one source told ET. However, that story was debunked as L/n herself, stated Leclerc had an affair with Australian Youtuber Lola Ransdell, in one of her Eras Tour Shows. With the release of “You’re Losing Me,” L/n seems to offer a window into her perspective of how things ended while also releasing one of the most devastating songs she’s ever written.

Its lyrics don’t waste any time getting into the tragic heart of the matter. “You say, ‘I don't understand,’ and I say, ‘I know you don’t’/ We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won’t/ Remember looking at this room, we loved it ‘cause of the light/ Now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time,” she sings in the first verse, painting a portrait of two people who are unaligned and have seemingly grown apart in their relationship.

The pre-chorus lays out the song’s big question: “Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?” But waiting for resolution feels like something L/n doesn’t want to do anymore: “I'm getting tired, even for a phoenix/ Always rising from the ashes/ Mending all her gashes/ You might just have dealt the final blow,” she sings.

The most heart-wrenching part of the song comes in on the chorus, as she warns her other half, “Stop, you're losing me/ Stop, you’re losing me/ Stop, you’re losing me I can't find a pulse/ My heart won't start anymore/ For you/ ‘Cause you're losing me.” The lyrics mirror the song’s production which sounds like a quietly pulsing heartbeat, driving the knife’s blade of the song in even deeper.

Perhaps L/n’s biggest skill on this song is being able to convey all the heartbreak and roiling emotion without actually providing any specifics into the breakup.

“You’re Losing Me” is rife with frank, confessional lyrics, but still keeps many of the exact contours of the split obscure. There are no accusations or fingers pointed at who’s at fault. There are no mic drop moments or explosive gossip; The closest L/n gets to revealing any details is on the second verse, when she seems to suggest that the relationship hadn’t been OK for a while now.

“Every morning, I glared at you with storms in my eyes/ How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying?/ I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick/ My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick,” she sings.

On the bridge, L/n reveals that she “wouldn’t marry me either,” perhaps offering the tiniest, sliver of hints into one of the other reasons why they ultimately fell apart: “And I wouldn't marry me either/ A pathological people pleaser/ Who only wanted you to see her/ And I'm fading, thinking/ Do something, babe, say something (say something)/ Lose something, babe, risk something (risk something)/ Choose something, babe, I got nothing (I got nothing)/ To believe, unless you’re choosing me.”

It’s the lack of details, the palpable restraint despite L/n’s clear heartbreak behind its lyrics, that makes “You’re Losing Me” perhaps the most devastating song in her catalog (yes, even more so than “All Too Well.”) Amid the grief and sadness of the song, there’s also a feeling of inevitability, of sorrow that nothing more could be done, of pointlessly waiting for action when you know nothing is coming.

In some regards, it’s one of L/n’s most mature breakup songs in her catalog, regardless of whoever it’s about. And if this is just a “from the vault” track, it makes one wonder what an albums-worth of these songs would sound like.

SEE MORE RELATED POSTS:

• Lola Ransdell Cancelled over resurfaced racism tweets

• Lola Ransdell loses brand deals over Y/n L/n drama

• Charles Leclerc finally breaks his silence over Y/n L/n Breakup

ally’s radio 📻:a filler chapter im sorry😞 but anyways, the related stories r a sneak peak of the next chapter🤫 if u asked me to tag u and i didn’t, pls send me a message or inbox me bc it might’ve gotten lost 😭 i try to stay up-to-date but sometimes i miss people so pls lmk!!!

taglist 🦢🪩: @incoherenciass@dakotali@405rry@topaz125@sassyheroneckgiant@hevburn@itsmytimetoodream@ivegotparticulartaste@crowdedimagines @asterianax @haydee5010@scenesofobx@christinabae@magical-spit@dessxoxsworld@myareadsbooks@honethatty12@hopefulinlove@diasnohibng@gentlemonsterjennie1@hummusxx@eugene-emt-roe@taestrwbrry @perjarma @cxcewg@chimchimjiminie16@glow-ish@allywthsr @millyswife @mrsmaybank13 @black-swan-blog27 @stargaryenx @lilsiz @ohthemisssery @leclerclvr @slytherinjimin3nthusiast @shessthunderstoms @cool-ultra-nerd @ncentic @playboykenz @canvashearts @tinyhrry @xeliaaaa @ifionlywould @gaviypedrisbride @callsignwindow @dhhdhsiavdhaj @chasing-liberosis @laneyspaulding19 @a-daydreamers-day @saikikusouswife @motorsp0rt @lifesuckslife @shessthunderstoms @drewsandsebastianswife @sainzluvrr @ietss

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talltalesandbedtimestories · 6 months ago

Text

“Digging Your Own Grave” - Dean x Reader

Rating Teen

Dean x Reader

Tags: Humor, Grumpy Dean, Adult Language, Fluff, Kissing, Reader Insert for “Optimism” Episode 14.6

Word Count: 1,000

Dean’s ego is wounded because of Jack calling him an old man. You aren’t doing anything to help Dean feel better.

I'm participating in @jacklesversebingo and this part will fill my dialogue, "Did you just kiss me to shut me up?" “Nooo?” square.

Big thanks to @zepskies for the chat and prompt that helped me rattle this little drabble out.

You’d scoped out the library for Dean and Jack a couple hours ago. Harper Sayles had a smile that took up half her face in greeting. You filled out an application for a library card with your fake Nebraska license in order to get some intel on this bad luck charm of a librarian.

Now, you’re waiting in Dick’s Red Rooster Diner while Jack swoops into the library to “save” Harper from the big bad FBI man that is Dean Winchester. To pass the time, you sip on a raspberry iced tea and relish a cinnamon roll while flipping through a spicy Nora Robert’s novel you also checked out. You’ll pop it into the drop slot tonight. You don’t need the specter of an overdue library book haunting your 2 am thoughts for years to come.

With the book fanned out in front of your face, you don’t notice Dean sat across from you until he clears his throat.

He looks miserable.

Totally fuckable but miserable.

“What happened? You peek out the picture window. “Where’s Jack?”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Playing hero like we planned.” He grabs the cinnamon roll off your plate and stuffs half of it into his mouth and chews in deliberate, deep-in-thought, slow motion.

You frown at the sad state of affairs that is your significant other and also at the loss of your treat. “That’s good. He wanted to help on a case and he’s doing his bit.” You wait a beat. “Right?”

Dean swallows, then washes it down with some of your iced tea. “He called me an old man.”

Your hand holding the book flops to the tabletop with a thud that rattles the silverware.

You stare at him while he stares back at you with those apple green eyes.

He waits with those crow’s feet you love to trace with the tip of your finger when he sleeps. With etchings of furrowed forehead from years of contemplation and worry. With those perfect lips that aren’t quite as pouty as they used to be. With that one gray hair poking out atop his head of spiked strands.

“What’s funny about that?” Dean asks in irritation.

You realize too late that you’ve been grinning.

“Dean, he was probably just acting… you know, pointing out the obvious age…” You clamp your lips shut.

Dean’s eyes widen and he straightens in the chair.

“I mean, it’s Jack. He’s still learning the nuances of language.” You try and salvage what you can.

His brows quirk up. “He’s not the only one.”

You’re about to fire something back when Dean’s attention shoots to the window. You follow his lead. Jack and Harper are on the sidewalk outside the library. There’s another man talking to them before they part ways.

“Son of a bitch did it,” Dean mutters. “I’ll follow them.” He stands. “You,” he points at the linoleum by your feet, “Stay here.”

“Dean…”

“I don’t need a walker or a chaperone. And I don’t want to have to worry about you getting in trouble. If I need you, I’ll press my Life Alert button.”

“Be careful.”

He nods and manages a sort of smile.

~~~

You have stayed quiet since Dean called you to drive Baby to the back alley behind the library. Vance’s body was stuffed in the trunk by Dean, even though Jack offered to help. Vance’s body was pulled out of the trunk by Dean, even though Jack offered to help, and carried to the open grave by Dean.

Dean tossed Jack a proverbial bone with the shovel when Vance was safe and sound, coffin lid creaking shut. “Dig.”

Jack was downright giddy to shovel piles of graveyard dirt over what would now be Vance’s, hopefully, final resting place. The stake through the heart should ensure Harper’s zombie boyfriend stays good and buried.

You haven’t lifted a finger in the cemetery. Mainly because Dean hasn’t let you. You’ve kept careful watch over Jack and Dean and surveyed the surrounding pitch black for any danger. Harper Sayles sailed away and you don’t want any happy returns.

You should feel more at ease with Dean joining you by Baby’s trunk. But you can sense he’s still prickly. He’s breathing deeply in and out through his nose. He’s trying to hide the exhaustion and exertion of the entire ordeal.

He stands next to you, shoulder to shoulder. He’s got your six, staring behind you as you survey Jack’s shoveling form in front of you in the lantern light. He’s chucking and tossing dirt in hyperdrive mode.

“Jack,” you whisper yell and his head whips in your direction, his bangs following a second later. “Bend at the knees.”

He nods and smiles, offering a thumbs up before taking your suggestion and getting back to work.

“Kid doesn’t need to worry about his joints. He’s not an old man.” Dean’s comment drips with sarcasm.

“Never too early to learn proper form.” You counter and look up to side-eye Dean. He stares down at you briefly, his mouth quirks up in a grin that lightens your heart.

It’s quiet except for crickets and the cyclical sounds of Jack’s shovel slicing into soft earth and the subsequent spatter atop the coffin lid.

You muster the courage to speak. “Dean, you’re not old. I mean if you’re old, then that means I’m old. And I am in no way, shape or form ready to admit that.”

Dean hums to let you know he’s listening.

“If anything you’re just older, you know. A seasoned hunter. Someone that Jack looks up to. Wants to emulate. Because of how much you know. How much good you’ve done. And, besides, you know what they say. With age comes…”

Your words are cut off by Dean’s lips, pressing with force against your open mouth. You moan at how warm he feels even with the chill in the air. He breaks off sooner than you’d like. He’s smiling, guarding your back at your side.

You feel your brows scrunch together. “Did you just kiss me to shut me up?”

He tilts his head, not looking at you, only offering his achingly beautiful profile. “Nooo?”

You chuckle. “Way to sound convincing. Then why?”

He shrugs. “You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.” He lifts a brow and glances at you. “And that, my dear, only comes from experience.”

#jacklesversebingo23 #dean x reader #dean x you #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fluff #spn fanfic #spn fanfiction

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jacesvelaryons · 1 year ago

Text

english love affair

social media au

kpop idol!reader x tom blyth

fc: jennie kim

i love making these and have some in my drafts so feel free to send requests/face claim requests/suggestions

(ps: i had to redo this bc the first time i posted not only did it not post, it didn’t save any of my changes so i had to do it again. 😭)

Requests are OPEN for both soc med aus and blurbs for Tom and his characters

yourusername

liked by zendaya and others

@calvinklein

hunterschafer beautiful girl

liked by yourusername

↪️yourusername that’s you babes 😘

taylorswift so proud of you hon

lola.tung can’t wait to see your pretty face all on the billboards AHH

tomblyth ❤️

liked by yourusername

↪️ user23 OH?

↪️ fan98 they know each other?

↪️ user9 and she liked!

user8 insert olivia wilde nodding meme

random56 when you’re that girl!

username7 y/n world domination she’s a singer dancer rapper songwriter producer model like what can she not do

ynfans

liked by randomuser and others

y/n has now followed actor tom blyth who has recently stared in the new hunger games movie the ballad of songbirds and snakes!

he has previously liked and commented on her recent post, and she’s stated previously that she’s a fan of the trilogy and has watched this new movie multiple times!

ynfan98 this is interesting bc she barely follows ppl as it is

user76 the way she’s barely active on social media and does this she’s so old lady coded 😭

user12 DID YALL SEE TOMS THIRST TRAP

↪️ user8 HIS WHAT?!

↪️ username6 YES SKDKDK not even a few hours since she followed now he’s like this

↪️ random87 real because i’d be thirst trapping to get her attention

tomblyth

liked by yourusername and others

outtakes from my recent vogue italia shoot

user1 ok thirst trap

ynfan NOT HIM POSTING THIS RIGHT AFTER YOURNAME FOLLOWS HIM BACK

↪️ random488 HES SO REAL

↪️ user978 IM CRYING HES SO HOT

↪️ user11 AND IT WORKED SHE LIKED BACK

rachelzegler you look okay i guess 🙄

↪️ tomblyth i’ll take it

mayahawke looking good my boy

↪️ tomblyth 👍

↪️ random5 his millennial ahh reply 😭

liked by mayahawke

yourusername stunning

liked by tomblyth

↪️ user12 not him acting coy after that thirst trap when she followed him 😭

↪️ user9 he thinks he’s slick when he’s probably fangirling she’s noticing him

user12 how did they meet not my worlds colliding

↪️ random1 probably rachel introduced them yk how rach is a social butterfly

liked by rachelzegler

↪️ user9 see? rach liking just confirms it she set them up

blythnation

liked by tbfns and others

tom’s now deleted story (1.12.2024)

user097 not him deleting this naurrr

tomfans wait my friends said they saw him in london what is he doing there if he ain’t filming anything?

user64 wait the shoes he’s holding look like something yn would wear at the recent gala in london hold on 👀👀

↪️ username678 you’re so right cause coincidence i think not

↪️ random75 maybe he went as her date! it’s a big night for her and her career. how sweet!

yourusername

liked by naomi and others

A huge honour to receive the Honorary MBEs and attend the South Korea-UK State Banquet at Buckingham Palace 🎖️💂‍♀️

onyourm_ark congrats y/nnie!

↪️ yourusername thanks markles im gonna cry omg

↪️ johnnyjsuh so proud of you y/n 🎉🥳

dualipa you’re one of us now 🥰🥰

↪️ yourusername kisses kisses hugs hugs

↪️ user87 one of us like 👀interesting

↪️ person97 cause she got an english man too

oliviarodrigo congrats my love!

liked by yourusername

↪️ yourusername thank you angel ✨

↪️ random97 wait both my girls booed up by english boys they’re on the same wavelength

username188 am i dreaming or does the shoes on tom’s deleted story match her dress

↪️ ynfan I SEE IT OMG did they go together

↪️ fan65 my cousin who works at the palace apparently heard he entered through the private back entrance to attend the ball and seated where he’s not visible by the camera

↪️ user97 so cute for her to bring him as a date! must be serious tho

↪️ randomuser7 great he attended and supported her during one of the biggest nights of her career but didn’t hog the spotlight

↪️ user121 a real man wouldn’t be threatened by a woman’s success

liked by yourusername

↪️ user53 exactly yn deserves someone who knows his place and that she’s a star and not to be jealous and try to stifle her talent and creativity and personality

yourusername posted a story

#tom blyth fanfiction #tom blyth imagine #tom blyth x reader #coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow imagine #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus x you #tom blyth #tom blyth x you #social media aus #kpop idol reader

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madridfangirl · 6 months ago

Text

Star crossed lovers (Jude Bellingham fic)

Chapter 8

(Series Link)

Jude * female reader. Mature Language in parts.

Synopsis: A chance encounter in a tiny Madrid cafe with the newest superstar of her fav club. The two couldn't be more different, yet both feel the pull toward the other. Would this girl be the one he finally falls for? Would she make him change his ways? Even though she resists him every step of the way, would he fight all odds (& her) to have her in his life? Or would life come in the way of these star-crossed lovers?

.............................................................................................

‘Good to see you, Agnes. Hope this wasn’t too much trouble.’

Ananya was sat in Jude’s car, on the way to his house. They had Saturday off and decided to spend the day together. Second proper date, exactly a week after the first one.

‘Not at all, ma’am. Good to see you too!’

‘Please call me Ananya.’

The chauffeur smiled - a well mannered, sweet, middle-aged gentleman. Then proceeded to tell her how Jude had also insisted to be called by his name, stating that Mr. Bellingham sounded like his grandpa.

‘Haha yeah that’s him.’

Agnes nodded, smiling fondly, encouraged by her interest.

‘He’s a fine young man. Always considerate. Sometimes too much so. Thankfully, his mother is around to manage his affairs. She’s the one who hired me.’

Normally, Ananya may have found such a mother-son dynamic & dependence problematic. A yellow flag even. But here, it seemed wholesome. A sweet Mama’s boy.

She wondered what his mother would be like. Then quickly dismissed the thought & the panic that generated. Too soon.

Agnes kept chatting along the way, sharing small titbits on Jude’s fan encounters - both sweet & crazy ones.

When they were about to reach, she felt a strange bout of anxiety. Last week had been heavy. At work & personally. Especially that rotten article & the aftermath. She fixed her attire & makeup to beat the nerves.

But when she opened the car door and saw him waiting on the porch, looking dashing in his off white jumper & joggers, flashing a million dollar smile, the anxiety evaporated.

Jude closed the distance in big strides. And she all but ran into his outstretched arms. How much they had craved this warmth & comfort all week.

His lips grazed the top of her head. She smiled into his chest. Man, he was tall, towering over her.

‘Hey beautiful.’

She sighed, and craned her neck up to look at the smiling boy.

‘Hey you.’

He leaned down, cupped one side of her face and placed a lingering kiss on the other cheek.

When he was about to lean in again towards her slightly parted lips, he saw Agnes standing uncomfortably on the side, carrying her bag & a parcel for Jude.

‘Thank you, Agnes.’

Jude took the items in one hand, while his other hand remained around her waist. She hid her face in his chest in embarrassment. The sound of his kiss still ringing in her ears.

‘We’ll be here a while, pls take the day off.’

Agnes nodded & left quickly as Jude led her into the house. The place looked different in the day - colours bright & visible with the ample natural light flowing in.

‘The weather is nice - wanna chill outside?’

‘Sure - just gonna take these off first.’

She bent down to remove her boots, wincing as the material scraped against her skin.

‘That bad huh?’

‘Oh it’s a torture chamber in here.’

She hated stiletto heels with a vengeance. But her roommate insisted this particular pair went perfectly with her attire and accentuated her butt.

Jude was hoping she kept them on. They looked stunning with her black tights. But that was before he knew they hurt.

He fetched a bag full of hotel slippers and laid it in front of her. She raised an eyebrow at him & he shrugged casually.

‘Kinda horde ‘em. Comfy.’

And man were they comfy. She found a pair that almost fit her and practically moaned in relief.

The backyard was cozy, with an outdoor pool, a covered gazebo and open garden.

They went to the gazebo and settled down on adjoining loungers, turning to their sides to face each other. His tall frame barely fit on it, legs dangling over.

Jude asked her about home, family & friends in India. And listened keenly as she chatted away, making mental notes to google a few things he didn’t understand.

He learned that she was a classical dancer, had grown up in Delhi and was a junior debating champion. And that she was one of her city toppers in high school. Her university stories particularly intrigued him, given he never got to go. She was also preparing to go to Stanford for an MBA in a few years & was working on her application. She was friendly with many but had a close set of core friends, much like him. Family was front & centre in her life too.

‘Must be tough, living away like this, all on your own?’

A tinge of nostalgia flickered in her eyes.

‘Am getting used to it.’

Jude reached over & stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers, then let his arm rest on her waist, playing with the hem of her deep purple sweater.

‘Your brother, older or younger?’

‘Older.’

‘Football fan?’

‘Nope. Out & out cricket person. He plays also.’

‘I played too, in school. Am not bad. Back home in Brum, quite a few cricket fans.’

‘Good for you.’

They fell into a comfortable silence, soaking in the early Nov Spanish sun. She closed her eyes, enjoying the siesta.

Jude couldn’t follow suit. Kept admiring her peaceful face. She deserved the respite, after backbreaking work & also what he had put her through. The media circus had taken a life of its own after that god-awful piece. But neither wanted to bring it up, determined to make today a happy day.

His gaze moved lower. To her slender neck. Grazed by a few loose strands from her messy bun. And a delicate golden necklace.

Few minutes later, he spoke up.

‘Listen, I know we said we won’t tell anyone.’

Her eyes flew open.

‘Yes. We said it’s for the best.’

‘Right. But, can we make one exception?’

‘Who?’

‘Jobe. He kinda senses something already, said I was being cagey af. And, he can keep a secret.’

He waited, unsure of her reaction. She would have been more wary if it were anyone else.

‘Look at it this way. At some point am gonna fuck up. Need someone sane for advice then. Gotta be him. He’s the smartest guy I know. Not you smart but still.’

She grinned, and he knew he had won. He seemed to have a way of making her give in.

They had their lunch outside, not wanting to move from their cozy spot. The wine lifted the spirits further. Jude usually didn’t have much alcohol unless on a break, but he decided to make an exception today. The lunch, though, was a healthy salad.

When he refilled her glass the third time, she poked a finger in his chest.

‘Tryna get me drunk?’

‘Always.’

She giggled, the wine starting to have its effect.

‘Then why did you get mad at me drinking that day?’

‘You weren’t safe then. Here, you are.’

Warmth rose in the pit of her stomach, as she aimlessly fiddled with the fabric of the sofa.

‘I’d like a different nickname though. My folks call me Judey.’

Ananya groaned, remembering how she had said it out loud that night.

Jude chuckled & leaned closer, tilting his head, enjoying her discomfort.

‘You call me that in your fantasies or…’

She put her hand flat on his face & pushed him away, as he wiggled his eyebrows. His booming laugh ringing through the air.

‘I’ll come back on the nickname.’

‘Let’s see if it’s better than dove.’

She rolled her eyes. This wasn’t a competition.

‘How old are you, 5?’

He smiled at how she had used his jersey number instead.

‘Say yes once, and I’ll show you how old I am.’

Insinuation dripping, rather drooling from his voice, and she turned his face away again, this time to hide her fluster.

3 blissful hours passed in a jiffy. Conversation flowing smoothly like their wine. It was only when the weather got a bit rough that they moved inside.

By then, the discussion had moved to who the bigger football fan was between the two.

‘Umm I kinda play professionally? For the biggest club?’

Ananya brushed it off.

‘And I have been watching them religiously for 15 years. What’s your point?’

They decided to play FIFA to settle the debate. Then argued over who gets to pick Madrid. After a long discussion, Jude agreed to play with Dortmund, claiming he was giving her a head start, dodging the cushion she threw at him.

‘What do I get when I win despite your advantage?’

‘IF. You mean IF.’

The casually cocky smirk returned. She wanted to smack that smug face. And….bite it at the same time? The boy was infuriating.

‘What do you want?’

‘You’ll wear my jersey.’

‘NO. Next.’

‘You’ll cheer for England when we play Portugal.’

‘You’re kidding right? Next.’

‘I’ll kiss you in front of that leech.’

She narrowed her eyes at him. How was he still on that?

‘On second thoughts, you’re a pro. So no, you get nothing.’

‘Chicken.’

‘Shut it & play.’

‘Not gonna go easy on you, dove.’

‘Never asked you to. Gonna beat your sorry ass Irrespective.’

‘Oh we’ll see.’

They started playing, and she gave Jude a run for his money. Enough for him to come out of the second gear where he was casually relaxing. Enough to get his heart rate going & armpits sweating. So much that when he finally won, he did his trademark celebration, punched his fists in the air & woo-hooed around the couch doing his victory dance.

She stared daggers at him, gobsmacked at the loss and him rubbing it in. Almost hoping that he trips and falls on his ass.

‘Told ya.’

He plopped next to her, smiling victoriously. Accent heavier in gloating. The gall of this man.

‘I had you in the middle, and you know it.’

‘Final result is what matters, and you know it.’

‘Tread carefully, Bellingham.’

She warned, still sulking hard. But of course he did no such thing.

‘What was it you wanted to do to my ass again?’

‘I hate you.’

‘A sore loser AND a liar? Whoa.’

‘That’s it. I am out.’

She got up to storm away but he caught her in two strides. Locked her arms around her waist. Caging her from behind. Giggling in her ear. She struggled fruitlessly in his grip, but dodged his attempts to kiss her cheek.

The more she fidgeted, the more his hold tightened. Pressed flushed against his taut, hard torso, with him breathing down her neck, was not ideal for her to stay pissed. Or sane.

When she quit struggling, he leaned down to kiss her covered shoulder.

‘So feisty.’

Jude muttered appreciatively, accent even thicker now. Her posture relaxed as she let herself loose in his arms.

‘Truce?’

‘Fine.’

He released her, and they walked back to the couch, hand in hand. It was 4:30 pm, still chunk of the day left. They decided to watch something together.

‘You pick.’

Jude pulled her close, throwing his arm around her shoulder.

‘You like rom-coms?’

‘Sure.’

‘Tell that to your face.’

He smiled sheepishly, turning his head to face her.

‘I mean, don’t mind ‘em.’

‘Let’s keep looking.’

She scrolled further in the trending list & landed on Bridgerton.

‘I’ve heard great things on this. It’s more than a rom-com.’

She figured he might like it, given the 19th century London backdrop. They decided to give it a go, settling against the back of the couch. Jude offered to watch in his room, the bed being more comfortable n all, but she politely wiggled out of that.

The sassy narration from Lady Whistledown immediately drew them in, along with the setting. The opening sequence with Daphne & Violet set the tone.

‘Ooh I like what she’s wearing.’

‘Ya it’s hot.’

Ananya turned towards him sharply, expression blank.

‘I mean…like…y’know…’

She broke into a laugh sooner than she planned.

‘You can say that. She IS hot.’

Jude bumped their heads together, glad to come out of the hole he had dug for himself.

‘So is Anthony though. Distractingly delicious.’

Yeah, he deserved that.

‘Like that scene with the tree…’

‘Don’t push it.’

He pulled her closer still, squeezing her shoulder. She let it go, for the time being.

The unique tone of the show kept them fairly engrossed. Yet they scoffed & laughed at the idiocy of some notions. Violet’s insistence on Daphne being prim & proper to attract a suitor, and keeping her in complete darkness of her sexuality particularly irked Ananya.

‘Typical. Treat women as decorative porcelain dolls in public view and sex objects / baby making machines behind closed doors. That’s all they are good for.’

‘Yeah, my country was stupid.’

Lady Danbury turned out to be a hands down fav of both - her wit & presence of mind unmatched. The courtship episodes they breezed through, giggling at the rigid & formal dance sequences of the genteel society.

‘Do you dance like that?’

‘Like that? No.’

Something told her there’s more to it.

‘CAN you dance, at all?’

He shook his head, waving his hands in the air.

‘It’s a tall person handicap.’

‘Isn’t Cama as tall as you?’

A pregnant pause, for 3 seconds.

‘He’s not actually.’

Jude removed his hands from her & sunk into the couch. She hadn’t even meant to tease this time, was just curious. Ananya leaned into his side & tugged at his elbow.

‘Wanna dance with me sometime? I could show you some stuff.’

That got his attention. He stopped pouting when she caressed his arm.

‘I am learning Salsa, it’s quite fun.’

‘Well, I can be quite a handful.’

‘Oh I can handle you.’

His smirk returned, as did his arm around her.

‘Can you now?’

They bickered & flirted, then resumed watching. Time flew by as they binged through, managing to squeeze in an early dinner when they felt peckish. Neither wanted to call it a night, not yet. Too cozy and carefree in their little cocoon.

Episode 4 & 5 had them firmly sucked in, with the engagement & marriage drama.

Episode 6 though, hit her like a truck. Making her hyperventilate.

Ananya squirmed through the emotionally & sexually charged honeymoon scenes, while his fingers stroked her upper arm throughout. She felt his eyes boring into her but kept hers firmly ahead. The air had suddenly turned hot & heavy, not just behind the screen.

‘Maybe..that’s enough for today? It’s getting late.’

‘Sure.’

The screen paused at the couple in a passionate embrace, as they made love outside, in the rain.

Another pregnant pause.

‘Tell me, how didn’t she get that he wanted her all along? It was so obvious.’

Jude’s hand moved up and down her arm, slowly. She felt every touch through the thin fabric of her sweater.

‘He could be with anyone he wanted. She doubted how she could be the chosen one. IF she was the chosen one.’

He turned her slightly to face himself, her eyes glued to her fumbling hands.

‘She got him TO HIS KNEES. Man was tortured by her thoughts. Surely, she could see that?’

‘Even if she did, it would be hard for her to believe. That…that he would just…change his ways. Just like that. For….her.’

His index finger tilted her chin up, gazing into her glossy, tentative eyes. His voice certain, laden with promise.

‘Men change when they find a reason to. He found his.’

That hit her deep in the heart.

‘I…SHE….she may not know that.’

His thumb moved along her jaw, eyes firmly locked with hers.

‘How should he show her then? Other than saying it a 1000 times already?’

‘Jude pleas..’

Her voice died in her throat when Jude hooked his arm under her legs and pulled her on to his lap, setting her sideways on his right thigh. Her arms went around his neck instinctively, to steady herself.

All pretexts and charades were dropped as he linked their foreheads together. His warm breath fanning her face. The heat radiating from his body, his proximity, burning her to the core. A culmination of all their little looks, touches, whispers & innuendos exchanged during the day.

‘KISS ME. Before I go mad.’

His commanding, raspy voice did things to her. Unspeakable things.

‘Now, dove. I know you want to.’

She met his gaze, and found a hurricane brewing in his otherwise serene eyes, sweeping her along.

Ananya cupped his cheeks, admiring his handsome features. Her lips brushed along his hairline, ending with a chaste peck on his forehead. Her thumbs stroked his eyebrows & eyelids, back & forth. Eliciting a sigh.

Her fingers ran down his cheeks, caressing the moles & tiny zits. Covering them with butterfly kisses. Jude couldn’t remember when he was last touched so affectionately. When he last wanted to be touched like this.

She kissed the tip of his nose, & his lips puckered up, thinking they would be next. The girl had other plans.

She held his jaw & tilted it upwards, running her fingertips over his soft yet scratchy beard that ran deep into his neck. His long, tempting, seductive neck. Driving her wild.

Her fingers dug into the flexing, meaty muscles at the back of his neck as her mouth traced the length of it.

‘FUCK!’

He groaned loudly, both hands gripping the couch, hard enough to rip.

She continued her ministrations, too hypnotised to stop.

Jude had vowed to be patient tonight. But when he felt her teeth on his Adam’s apple, he decided playtime was over.

He grabbed the side of her face, pulling it to him.

She whined at the interruption, trying to go back down. His grip tightened.

‘ENOUGH. My turn.’

Jude kissed her fiercely, knocking the wind out of her chest. As if getting back for the slow, sensuous torture. She tried matching his passion, but Jude wasn’t willing to cede control, not tonight.

His hand removed her clutcher, rummaging through her hair. While the other one stroked her thighs. She gasped, and he plunged further into her mouth. His scent, his breath, his strong hands, his taste, his god damn thighs under her butt, his ferocity - drove her nuts.

Being the sole object of Jude’s desire was, quite simply, INTOXICATING.

Subconsciously, she wondered if all the other girls before her had felt the same. Or if this was indeed different, as he repeatedly claimed.

He soon pulled her out of the momentary coherence by fisting his hand in her hair & pulling them back, as his mouth feasted on her neck.

She mewled as he nipped & sucked her with abandon, soothing the reddened skin with his tongue afterwards.

Jude was testing waters, pushing boundaries, to see how far she’d let him go tonight.

His sinful voice joined the party.

‘Tell me where you want me. Say it.’

She could only whimper in response, mind too mushed up to string together words.

‘Here?’

He pulled her sweater down one shoulder, kissing the bare skin, tugging at her bra strap with his teeth.

‘Or down there?’

The hand on her thighs slid under her butt, cupping a cheek, kneading it firmly. Something he had wanted to do all day.

She panted into his neck, unable to function under his expert moves.

‘Feels good, dove? Want more?’

She jumped when his warm hand slid under her sweater, settling on her bare back. Large, strong fingers spread over her skin, playing with it, thoroughly covering the surface area. Making her shudder from head to toe.

Jude wasn’t unaffected either - the feel of her soft body making his restraint hang by a thread. What he wouldn’t give to just toss her over the couch right now.

His touch became more frenzied. Mouth more demanding. Hand inching further up her back, finding her bra.

She grabbed his bicep, coming out of her reverie. But it just spurred him on.

She somehow tore her mouth away from his, to get his attention.

‘Ju…ude.’

It came out as a shaky, breathless moan instead, flipping something in him. The next instant, her bra was unclasped & his hand roamed freely all over her back.

The sensation jolted her. She needed to act now, before he completely eroded her will.

Her hands grabbed his face, desperately, dragging him up, meeting his stormy eyes.

‘Wha..’

He looked dazed, confused at the interruption. Lips parted, half-panting for breath.

She stroked his cheeks while his adrenaline tapered down.

“Baby I….can we…pls….’

His senses recovered, and Jude pulled her gently into a loose hug. Swaying her lightly. Stroking her hair. While making shushing noises.

‘Okay. Okay. Anything you say, dove!’

................................................................................

All this Jude content just makes me write :)

A happy chapter, after the heavier last one.

As always, would love to hear your thoughts / comments / feedback. Hope you are liking the story & these two. There are a few dif ways this could go ahead, trying to figure!

#real madrid #jude bellingham #bellingham #bellingham x reader #jude fanfic #jude #jb5 #jb #jude bellingham fic #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham smut #desi girl #bridgerton

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