#normally i keep that on discord only!!
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tagged by @shing02 to put my spotify 'on repeat' playlist on shuffle and share the first five songs for you guys to vote which one represents me, then tag five more people! thanks for tagging me
lately i've been in a 'listen to pop and be happy' mindset so it's mostly pop/viral stuff. perhaps you guys already know the majority of these?
the first one is a fun song with lyrics about what it's like gaming with your friends. i like to listen to it before, well, gaming with my friends heheh
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this second one's a fun watch for the funky cowboys. i listen to it a lot to get into the "gotta make that money make purse!!!" mindset as they themselves put it in the song
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the third song is a classic from daft punk's 2001 matsumoto leiji collab. i heard it again in 24 hour restaurant recently at like 4am and have been having yet another series of looping sessions with it ever since. forever groovin to this one!!!
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fourth is, well... hololive. what else can i say lololol. marine is my favorite vtuber she knows how to tell stories well and play off the audience to great comedic effect. she also does fantastic voice work. just classic good entertainment. and this song is super fun i have her besties having fun collab with indonesian vtuber kobo in my on repeat too actually
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the last one is from this neat ongoing song project where the artists give the public the ability to vote on character's ongoing criminal trials based on what's presented in music videos and some voice acting and then progress the story from there. lots of bangers from this series cuz it's a collab between deco*27 and the frontman of the oral cigarettes! the subtitles are a must for this one - also do some research on the video meaning and the project in general for sure if it piques your interest
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thanks again for tagging! i tag @hakonohanayome @squirrelstothenuts @buttholes @krobelus @perfectblue7
#tfw i am talking about vtubers and kpop on main#normally i keep that on discord only!!#anyways let's be real my blog is represented by the daft punk song. it uses cel animation which is 99.9 percent of my content lololol#it was fun sharing these though i hope someone finds a new bop from this or goes down the last video's rabbit hole
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A silly guide on how I draw normal Riolu vs My sona
#Riolu#Doodle#The Mod#Do not use my sona thanks#Just wanted to give a silly doodle while I ramble#I admittedly made the last few daily pieces as basically a progression of my eyes for the last ~1.5 years#Keeping up with everything became harder because of my eyes#I only talked about this briefly on my main twitter#I was diagnosed with keratoconus#My eyes got worse over time#so I was squinting constantly and would get headaches trying to focus my eyes to draw or play half the games I did#it sucked. I slept a lot to get rid of pain and I felt like I couldnt do my normal work so it kept piling#I had surgery + got RGP Contacts to help me see normally this year tho!#So I can finally get my shit together and have been slowly trying to get everything going/sorted#Just to like... explain where I disappeared to#Ofc Its hard to do anything art or reading without my contacts in#tbh i didnt even know until December lol so it went for awhile and thought my prescription went from good to shit#so i took a minor break from social media to keep where my eyes used online to mainly discord
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if your ocs were bosses in a video game, what do you think their boss fight would be like?
#red rambles#im thinking about this with mine and curious what other people have thought up#sidebar: i have been thinking about things like 'mechamics' and 'the kinds of attacks they'd use' and 'phases' and 'gimmicks'#i havent detailed them all here because i figured it wouldn't be what other people wanted to read#unfortunately it seems also everyone else thinks this. i want to hear about your mechanics....#so i guess ill go add mine in#kit and kat would be a pair of optional bosses who you fight together - kit a dex build who moves into a strength+dex combo in her second#phase; she doesn't get a second health bar#but it gets dramatically harder to hit her and she stops getting stunned nearly as easily in the second phase#and her hits get much harder#KAT (her gimmick partner) also has a second phase#if you haven't killed Kit before you activate Kat's second phase#(Kat gets a second health bar) she teleports herself and Kit out of the boss fight arena and (as they're optional)#this technically means you can progress but you get no winnings#and the next time you come back they're there again#im imagining them like ds1r havel where he's just like in a shortcut. they're camping a door#anyway you have to fully kill Kit to#get to kill Kat#and her second phase will activate when Kit dies in that case#and she'll go from infrequent but hard-hitting long-distance attacks to frequent long-distance attacks with less intensity behind them#and a set of melee attacks that do a lot of damage but require her to grapple you so if you don't get grabbed you're alright#meanwhile rex (the other one i discussed on discord) is a mainline boss who keeps dying and then just showing up again but he dies like#his ass is DEAD he's not walking off he DIES. okay?#you have to kill him at least twice for the mainline quest and there's even more optional places you can kill him#the first three or four sequential fights (only one of which is mainline) he's human the whole time#the second mainline fight he changes forms and his second phase is in dragon form#and he doesn't get a second health bar or anything but he does get aoe fire attacks#and gets to visibly take damage at increasing levels before you kill him#he also has a mechanic where on his last dot of health he can absorb like 4x the normal amount of damage#so when he should be one hit away from death he is in fact four or five hits away from death
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Need to be asleep but I can't stop thinking about my current favorite oc. She's the angriest most tragic broken bitch on the plane. There's a specific flavor of tragedy to her, and it's someone whose lived past her expiration point. Someone who never expected to make it past 19, or 20, or 25, but now she's 44 years old and she has to deal with the fact the only people she ever considered family are dead. The only reminder she has of them lives in her own memory, and in her nephews face. She's not even really related to him but what else does she call him?? His parents were the first people to accept this angry, burning 19 year old for who she was and show her unconditional kindness expecting nothing in return and they're gone. They're GONE and it should've been her, it should've been her haunting the narrative instead of them but it wasn't and she has to deal with that every single day. Her nephew should've had his parents, but instead he only has her, and she's as good as a ghost anyway, haunting herself. Anyway her name is Kate Lennox she is a butch lesbian and not even therapy would fix her at this point. She's like an abused dog who hasn't known anything other than being hit and biting in retaliation, she should've been a martyr but she lived and now she's burning up from the inside out like a dying star like a fever. Jesus christ.
#i'm so normal#this is a normal amount of feelings to have about a character#something about survivors guilt because the only people who ever loved her are dead in boxes in the ocean#the discord rps getting a bit too serious fellas#I think about her too hard sometimes and a hole is torn in my chest#She wishes she could've stopped it but she was 19 trapped in the Humans Rights Violations Organization of Abuse and Gaslighting#she couldn't do anything and THAT'S THE TRAGEDY OF IT#something about living past your expiration date and being left a hollow thing that's hardly alive anyway#I need to go to bed I can't keep doing this#Her whole character concept was just “hey what if I took Annie Lennox from the Sweet Dreams music video and hit her with the Trauma Beam”
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new pfp situation going awful 🔥🔥
#i changed around my discord and priv pfps and uhhhhUhhuhhu#I KEEP LAUGHING#i changed my discord one from a good shot of him to one where hes just kinda going 🤨 and its so awful#the ones ive made from anime screenshots r like normal and the ones ive made from manga panels suck ass#if only my pfps were still Schmid Schmid Schmid Zeon Zeon and Athlon
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#vent#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#stuff
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Small vtuber company of only 3 employees and not a single one of us work in the HR department
#Happy Pride!#I normally keep these to discord only#but I want these specifically to enjoy a lil more attention#VSAA#ship content for all pairings :^)#YURI ❗❗❗
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like im just saying they should invent a family that doesn't make you want to kill yourself
#and a school system while theyre at it#or just a me that wouldn't make me want to kill myself#just like. without all the problems that make it impossible to exist in normal society as myself#i know technically its possible for me to have a future but goddammit i dont see one okay#i havent made a single goddamn real life connection since middle school and now we're so distant i barely remember whos who on discord#thats not to mention how I've just been on the edge of every friendgroup anyway. including that one#im just some fucking loser. im not going to fucking graduate my only career aspiration is a goddamn pipe dream and if i dont fucking kill#myself by then im going to be stuck living with my family forever and we're not going to be seeing eye to eye.#all ive ever done is dig myself a deep grave and then tether other people to me to drag them down too#i love you all but i dont know how you see me as anything but gross and annoying and weirdly fucking clingy okay#i just#i dont know what im fucking doing#i wish i did. i wish i knew but i dont. and it feels like everyone else has figured out how things work and im just supposed to do that too#but i cant. i fucking cant and it keeps getting worse and i keep getting worse and i keep making it worse for my family while im at it#i miss being able to imagine doing stuff tomorrow. or in an hour#i miss being able to wash the dishes and not having to think about stabbing myself with fucking cutlery#i miss being able to show my mother my report card#but its my fucking fault im in this mess in the first place#and i just cant fucking try enough. or at all#aethers rants#cw vent#cw sui ideation#personal posts and stuff idk
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Hello tumblr !! Already said in my bio but my Twitter was HACKED !!! And permanently suspended so 😁😁😁😁 odds me returning to Twitter are low, so I'll post here more, if you followed me on Twitter 🤓 fancy seeing u here, If you know anyone else who followed me on Twitter it'd be swag if u told them (crying in my hands) IF you did not follow me on Twitter then; hello deadjam6 tumblr fan!
#DJ speaks#guys I'm so brocken about this#my favorite artist followed me back on Twitter like#TWO DAYS !!!!! BEFORE I GOT SUSPENDED#I was and am still so sad#AND ALL MY STARLINE MOOTS#I will miss u guys#hopefully the stars will align and we will see each other on tumblr#or instagram#I'm usually most active on instagram#but not one gives 2 squats about starline on insta#or Starfinite#(aka the only things I post)#I'm normal abt them#though im getting like mass hacked or smth rn#and had to log out of my insta just in case to keep it safe#but tumblr and discord have been untouched so far#👍👍👍👍👍
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#normalize not passing. I had to explain to my discord friends that I'm trans because I'm a lil' sick and my voice is very scratchy#I absolutely cannot do “the voice” and honestly I hate feeling pressured to keep my voice up there all the time.#I want to be able to do it only when I like. only when I can. only when I want to. it's an option not a requirement#I like my low voice but my voice shouldn't automatically realign my pronouns in someone's head.#anyway. low and husky voices that are still feminized are sexy as hell I will not change my mind.#the myth that your voice has to be high to be feminized is so dumb. listen to actual women not anime girls.#japanese female singers not female voice actors. the secretary in the office. and black women!!! listen to real people's voices.#I can do the high pitched voice and I do it as a joke (uwu) but I love when I hit that perfect low husky tone.#my voice is all over. same as my visual aesthetic. I look like a guy some days and a woman others. same with my voice.#but looking how you want should always be an option. sounding how you want should always be an option.#I don't want to feel pressured to pass when I don't want to
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Kinda wish my family was ya know... More tight-knit
#miranda talking shit#Traditions? A sense of belonging? A comfortable feeling when togheter ? Never heard of them lmao#Genuinely the one thing that is keeping our family 'togheter' is my mom. She has the bes relationship with everyone. After that i guess my#Oldest brother... I think im the most problematic one bc i dont attempt to keep in touch with anyone else bc i dont feel that want or need#I talk with my oldest brother a little on discord but otherwise nah#Hearing others talk about traditions and things they do together as a family sounds so sweet and im like ... I wish i could relate#Our family has always just been weird. Might be the big age difference between kids. 13 yrs between oldest and 6 between youngest#Theb add in dads bonding problem which he have passed ob to everyone its just awkward man. Maybe im the only one who thinks that way#I just know the older i get... The worse i feel about seeing my family lmao. Maybe its mainly a dad problem. I wonder how it would be if he#Wasnt there if iy would be easier. Only thing i kinda enjoy with xmas is probably the tree. But... I decorated and fixed it with mom always#So once again its something i have bc of her. Id love to clebrate a real Christmas with someone i love some day#Just us. Or maybe us and some mutual friends. I want to see how different it would feel . Maybe id actually enjoy the holidays then#I just feel so indiffrent about it. It feels like an normal day it really is for me. Im home alone with my cats and im going to play games#Xmas is about love but since i dont love 90% of the people ive spent xmas with in the past im just like... Well uh dont...care unfortunatel
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Playing ni no kuni for like the fourth time and I always forget how not at all normal I am about marcassin help he has me by the balls I'm insane he's my girlypop girldinner cocomelon
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#I said this on my discord but I always feel like oh yea I'm over insert character here#But then I see them again and go apeshit HAJAJAJAJAJAJA#Like that's what's currently going on with marc#I'm like#Oh yea I'm over him I can see him and be a normal member of society#And then I see him again and it's the exact opposite LOL#It also doesn't help that now I'm a freak so playing ni no kuni again has been.... An experience...#Very fun though!#It just sucks that I don't have anyone to tell my horrid brainrot to 😭#I don't trust anyone especially with my freaky side and recently I've only been given further proof to keep it hidden away#*cough cough* ex pookie#And others#But mostly ex pookie#hekate shut the fuck up#hekate shut the hell up#hekate shut up
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"what did you mean by this"
Absolutely nothing. I am way too dense to intentionally put hidden meaning in my words. and if you were able to find one then that was entirely unintentional. 90% of the time I have no filter between my fingers and my thoughts. I pretty regularly will just say things as I think them.
I try not to be rude or weird or make people uncomfy but it still happens and then I feel bad for weeks on end. I also try not to be blunt and when what I want to say can only be said bluntly then I generally don't say anything or in extreme cases explain that I wanna say a thing but won't for huge fear of it being seen as rude or weird or uncomfy. Which sometimes works other times just pisses others off.
#blair's babblings#i kinda missed out on socialisation practice as a kid and generally nobody talks to me so I'm not that good at the whole conversation thing#i said something unintentionally rude in the only discord i frequent and the person i said it to has been scrutinizing everything i say n do#talking to others is hard. i never feel good at the end of a conversation. i always feel awful.#why must it be this way. why cant i be normal. it looks so easy and yet i keep fucking it up#this is bullshit#i want friends and lovers but pretty much nobody ever wants to talk to me or be around me#my own family will be like “why are you here” when i go downstairs every morning. i think its supposed to be a joke but it's not very funny
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do NOT go through old photos from 2020 when u are dumb as fuck like me and take anywhere from 6.5k to 30k photos a year. you WILL waste so much time. DONT FALL FOR THE TRAP!!!!
#for the record my peak photos in a year (at least since i backed up my gallery to google photos +#and started fresh) was just over 30k in 2020 and thats Not including like jan fab & early march (i coincidentally cleared my gallery +#pretty much just before lockdown iirc)#it gets a little less every year though like 2021 was JUST under 25k#2022 was a crazy improvement (just over 10k)#and 2023 looks nuts in comparison (6.5k)#but if im being completely honest? i think thats only because i was pretty much exclusively online on my phone in 2021 and ESPECIALLY 2021#i think it was 2022 ish when i started almost always using desktop and 2023 i used my phone a lot less#late last year i started just using my phons (and my ipad! which i didnt Have back then) p much all the time again#so if i had to guess. if i keep going like this my photos count is gonna be ridiculous again this year#but to add on to this (LAST PART I PROMISE)#i do still save a stupid amount of images to my computer#but when you take screenshots on windows. unlike on ios it doesnt just save a file to your gallery#it just copies a screenshot to your clipboard (which i normally paste in a priv discord server)#so that gets rid of half of all my screenshots#the other half i use the snipping tool for. Which also uses the clipboard. i think you see my logic here#ok thats all i had to say. sorry i think i am a massive nerd about really unimportant numbers :3#muffin mumbles
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hihi vent post incoming (tldr im pretty sure everyone hates me and also im gonna fail all my exams)
#first off i did NOT end up studying! probable executive dysfunction went and got me again! i only managed to study a tiny but before and#now im procrastinating. again. killing myself ! 😁 im actually gonna fail rs tomorrow like who CARES about rs ofuhrkdkfkf it's bad. it's so#bad im in the trenches rn .....#i can physically feeling my brain shriveling the longer i spend online maybe if i finish typing i can get it together and start fucking stu#dying!!!!!!#second this whole i keep posting things then immediately getting second thoughts and deleting 😭😭😭 like its so embarrassing on twitter#discord tumblr everything????? can i not talk to people in a calm and measured fashion???? WHY do i keep typos ???? i am so socially inept#it's not even funny. im sooo fucked#maybe i am a teen going through and it's the hormones making me overthjnk everything buttt#i want normal pills!!!! i dont wanna get diagnosed for anything i just wanna try some medication and see if it fixes me !!! please!!!!!!!!#i.actually need to study or im fucked#so#uh#yeah#id much rather fail rs than history cuz i like history so i have to be normal by tomorrow wish me liuck!!!!!!!#ok so maybe this ventpost is not sad and upset more overwhelmed and angy at myself. whatever! I SHOULDNT HAVE WASTED ALL OF LAST NIGHT#DRAWING FUKDHFKDKFK#wish i could just undo today cant lie 😭 taken a WALK at least instead of languishing but now its 10 pm and im running out of time#im continueing to waste time on tumblr ok no. i AM going to study#vee rambles#proofread this .... also typo ridden! im stupid and i cant speak english someone pulverize me !#also my bried venture onto twitter .... disastrous . i think i've turned many people from neutral or even positive about me to firmly#irritated. great! classic me fikejfldlflslmglslf < keysmash of anger
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I gotta stop leaving my to-read fic links in the general channel on my discord, y'all pick the weirdest screenshots for their thumbnails and it's unsettling every time I look over
#a normal person might just make a folder on their browser to keep them in but no#not me I use a private discord server like a maniac#I even have an ao3 account which has a whole system for to-read later reading#I need the wet dog vampire to stop glaring at me in 4 unique ways when I'm just trying to leave something else in there okay#I keep things mostly organized until I think oh clearly I'm only going to do this once or twice#and then 8+ of doing it again later I'm in too deep to make a new folder/channel/document
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