#normally I keep this thing on a low ocean sound mode

[glompcat]

They are drilling open the street mine intersects tonight and tomorrow night (all drilling and other work is being conducted between 6pm and 6am because that road is super busy during the day 🙃), and let me tell you I have never ever been more pleased with a purchase than I am with my noise machine rn

[carionto]

Geronimo!

Space suits have come a long way - near 1 to 1 articulation and haptic feedback, intuitive zero-g booster based movement, nano-clamps for spiderman-like grip in low/no gravity, and of course dozens of micro layers of protection against all know space radiation and other hazards. Plus a centimeter thick composite armor against sentient threats, with a "cocoon" mode to fully cover all joints and other normally more exposed parts, that renders the Human inside near impervious to most small arms, and even some heavier impacts.

To fully test the limits of protection you don't actually need to have a person inside, just plenty of sensors and a good understanding Human physiology and anatomy. The military, of course, does things a bit differently, as their suits are even tougher. They do have this half-half mode where you are mostly armor, but can still move, but more like the Terminator. Given it also boasts a powered exoskeleton between the armor and hazardous protection layers, soldiers can wield weapons other militaries typically mount on vehicles, so the metaphor is almost just a straight factual comparison.

Some, however, are still not satisfied, and are always seeking to extend the durability of their suits to beyond the extremes.

____________________________

Hilda Lavre was standing on the edge of the ship in low orbit. One hand gripping an outer handle while engaged in final diagnostics.

"Alright, Hilda, everything looks green on our end, how 'bout you?"

"Same green green. I'm good."

"Whenever you're ready then. There's some clouds in the way of the predicted path, might slow you down a bit. Wanna wait?"

"Nah, nah. I'll wing it."

After a seconds pause, Hilda let go of the handle and gently kicked off the side of the ship. She was now on a direct collision course with the Atlantic Ocean.

.

.

.

(Thermals should start going up soon. I'm gonna turn on the external mic just a tad. There's just something about how the heat sounds scraping against the metal.

Oh, there it goes. Yellow, slowly getting to orange. Good.

Yea, that's a nice screech - burn that paint!

Halfway to red, altitude check. Already this close? Guess it'll be just shy of 80% tolerance.

Hehehehe, that means we can go for a bit faster next time. Cool.

Eh... wind without the heat just doesn't sound right, I'll turn it down to just barely audible. Something to keep me company.

Aaaand three.

Two.

One.)

SPLASH

.

.

.

(It's dark. But I guess it was dark before...

before what though?

Well, that's okay.

This feels like a new kind of dark though.

There's the dark when you're alone in your room at night, all the lights are out.

Another kind is when you decide to get inside your brothers closet to scare him when he comes back from the kitchen. That's a fun kind of dark. (it's getting cold)

There's also the dark of being in an underground bunker during a storm. Then the power gets cut and all the exits are sealed. That's a... lonely kind of dark.

One time I was wandering the woods, and before I knew it, it was the middle of a moonless night, overcast too. Hiding out in an abandoned shed, without even the wind or animal sounds to let you know anything is out there. I didn't like that kind of dark at all. (It's really cold)

This dark though... I dunno. It's like I'm hiding out in my own closet. My shoulder is up against my winter jacket, feet are grazing those old sandals I swore to throw out two summers ago. But also, it's not my room. Or even my house. Why am I in my closet? How did it get here? Where even is here?

I feel sleepy.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Hey, hey! Hilda! Wake up!"

*grunting* "Ugh... shut, shut up Barry..."

"Gods, don't freak us out like that. You okay?"

"Depends. How high did it go go?"

*laughter* "Okay, [She's fine everyone] yeah, you're fine. 87 meters, new record."

"Hmm, I was aiming to to break 90."

"Well, those clouds nudged you a little off, you hit it at a 83 degree angle. Still, those other readings are nice. I'm pretty sure we can do a boosted fall next time."

"Yeah, I I think so too. I feel a little little cold, did something break on hit hit?"

"Not break, but the impact did jolt the subsystems a bit. Activated one of the sedative shots. I manually made your suit give you a wake up shot right as I noticed. You should be feeling the effects right about now."

"Mmhhmmm, oh yea. I'm feeling the kick kick now. We need to improve the kinetic tic dampeners. No good if if it puts you to sleep upon any hard enough nough impact."

"Yup. We're suspending any other jumps for the week until we get that fixed and implement some minor tweaks based on your jump once we analyze the telemetry further.

Okay, everyone! Good job today! Let's meet up next weekend and test these bad boys out. Let's aim for a 100 meter splash by the end of the year!"

*cheers and yeahs as Barry opens a mini fridge and everyone cracks open a cold one*

[tarklesbehindthescenes]

A quiet dump truck and a blue conehead

Pairing: Long Haul/Dirge

Continuity: G1

Prompt: Bad Weather

AO3

An absolute wringer of a thunderstorm was throwing its wrath at everything in its path. Which would have been fine if it hadn’t been for the fact that Long Haul had been out for recreational purposes at the time it started, and was now racing through the wind, rain, and mud as fast as his tires would allow him to get back to base. Unfortunately, the ocean was much too choppy by the time the Constructicon reached it. There was no way he’d be able to traverse the waves and currents in this state. He heaved a frustrated and long-suffering sigh and began looking around for any nearby places he could take shelter in. Luckily, there was one. And surprisingly, it was already occupied by a lone, deep blue conehead.

Long Haul transformed and jogged over to the shelter, gaining the occupant’s attention. “Hey, make room!” the Constructicon demanded, shouting to be heard over the sounds of the storm.

Dirge didn’t appear to be in need of any further ‘coaxing’. He promptly shifted to allow Long Haul in without any trouble.

As soon as he was in, the dump truck examined himself for any signs of wear. Sure, Earth didn’t have the type of acid rain that Cybertron had, but he’d learned that Earth still had it, so he could never be too sure and didn’t trust the falling liquid. “Wind too strong for you?” he asked as he checked himself.

He received a low grunt in response and the conehead turned his gaze back to the storm raging away.

“I bet this torrential downpour and lightning is really putting a damper on Megatron’s plans for today. He must be throwing a fit down there,” Long Haul continued, shaking himself off a bit before getting comfy.

“Then I’m glad I’m up here, where I don’t have to worry about it,” Dirge rumbled.

“I didn’t want to do anything with that plan anyway. We all know it’s a stupid idea.” The dump truck was normally the quiet one of his brethren, he would readily admit. But as he had started being in Dirge’s company more and more these past couple years, he’d discovered the blue conehead was a great listener and—even better—knew how to keep his mouth shut, too. So he was the perfect mech to vent to about all the slag Long Haul had to take from the rest of the Decepticon army.

“Like we can even tell him that,” Dirge grumbled. “But you know he’ll just tell us to do the plan a couple days from now when everything’s dried up.”

“Ugh… Don’t remind me…” Long Haul heaved another sigh and let some silence hang for a moment before he spoke up again. “So what were you doing up here when the storm hit?”

“Getting in some flying. Stretching my wings,” the conehead replied, turning his head to look at the Constructicon. “It gets stuffy down there. What about you?”

“Pretty much the same thing. Getting away from the other Constructicons and going for a spin. Something that doesn’t involve lugging around slag for everyone. Actually, while I was out, I decided to pester the humans for a bit.”

Dirge looked inquisitive. “And the Protectobots didn’t catch you?”

Long Haul smirked underneath his mask. “Nope! See, what I did was: I stayed in my alt mode the whole time, and I went to sections of the city where there’s construction, waited for the coast to be clear, and then I used an arm to mess with the traffic cones before pulling off to the side to sit and watch the mayhem! It was hysterical watching the humans try to work their way through the mess I made! And nobody ever caught me.”

The conehead smirked and snickered a bit. “Stupid fleshbags.”

“Me and the guys turned this into a game. If we ever go out together, we like to see who can come up with the funniest set up to make the humans go through.”

“You should invite me along next time. I’d pay to see that.”

“Well normally I would charge, but since we’re friends, I’ll give you a discounted price of nothin’,” Long Haul compromised with a grin to his tone. “Be grateful.”

“I’ll bring my videocamera,” Dirge stated.

The Constructicon nodded and glanced out at the storm. It was still in full swing and wasn’t showing any signs of letting up. That was fine, he supposed. It meant that he had more time to talk with Dirge and get to know him a little better. “You’ve got a videocamera? So you like making movies?”

Evidently this was the right question, because it got Dirge talking enthusiastically about his newfound hobby. Who knew the conehead liked to do creative things in his spare time? Long Haul sure didn’t.

[kxisuke]

How about BSD lovecraft x female virgin reader. Reader is left near the ocean as a sacrafice for lovecraft since he is cathulu . Like the smut part could be in his human form and then his Cthulhu form. Oh and it turn out reader is a reincarnation of a goddess he was one in love with and married too

in your cold embrace

pairings: howard lovecraft x fem!reader

summary: finally, after all these years, you're reunited again.

warnings: NSFW/smut content ahead, 18+ only! strong/vulgar language, mentions of anesthesia, unprotected sex

word count: 1.5k

a/n: this was very interesting to write, but i enjoyed it a lot! i wasn't very comfortable having smut in his cthulhu form, so i left that part out and also changed a few things so the story would flow better, but i hope you enjoy this nonetheless <3

Where am I?

The sounds of crashing waves wakes you from your slumber, and your body shivers from a sudden gust of cold wind. The fog in your brain clears a little, and you can vaguely remember the events before this.

Right. The sacrifice.

Your body aches a bit as you push yourself up, fingers slightly sinking into the damp sand. The world spins for a moment, and you press a hand to your head as a wave of dizziness passes over you. You assume it’s just the anesthetic your village gave you before they brought you here. You scan the area, eyes glazing over when you look out into the dark horizon, the almost black waves spraying against the multiple jagged rocks lining the coast. The moon shines down onto the beach, barely illuminating anything in front of you. You sway to your feet, keeping a hand on your forehead in an attempt to keep the dizziness at bay.

Why is this damn anesthetic so strong…

Your eyes look up at the sea when you hear a sudden rushing of water, and panic sets into your stomach when you see the waves retracting back, farther than normal. A low noise echoes across the water and hits you at full force, and that’s all you can hear, the noise reaching to every corner and every crevice of your mind. You drop to your knees, clutching at your head as your body gives out from under you.

“P-please… make it stop…” Your body goes limp and you hit the ground, curling up into a ball. Above all the painful noise, you hear footsteps in the water, and your eyes raise, looking for the source. You only manage to get a glimpse of a tall figure approaching from the water before your eyes close and the world goes black.

~~

“Awe, Howard. You’re no fun. You know I’ll never be able to win like this!” A smile breaks on your face, and a giggle escapes your lips, even though you’re dangling from the ceiling, pale tentacles wrapped around your ankles.

“It’s only a fair fight, darling. You’re free to use your abilities as well.” He smiles as he approaches you, pecking you softly on the lips.

“Hmph!” You turn your head to the side, pink appearing on your cheeks. Howard only chuckles, releasing you from his grip. You brace yourself with your own ability, slapping him on the arm playfully.

“Now now, don’t get too upset, otherwise I’ll make you do it again and you won’t get any cuddles later.” You latch onto his arm instead, burying your head in his shoulder. He places his hand gently on your head and caresses you.

“I’ll take my cuddles now, thanks!”

~~

You fly out of the bed faster than you ever had before. You expect to be in your room, tucked in your bed after a long night. But you’re not in your room. Your heart and mind launch into panic mode, and you frantically look around to try and figure out where you are.

Then it all comes back to you.

“That dream…” You walk over to the mirror in the large bedroom, touching your face to make sure this is actually real. “I remember everything… it’s been so long.” You suddenly feel really light headed again, and stumble back to bed to lie down.

You’re out before your head even hits the pillow.

~~

“Howard!!” Your voice rings out across the water, and you search desperately for your lover. Using your ability to move through the water at lightning speeds, you search everywhere, but the storm is too strong. Looking up in the sky, you only catch for a moment the massive bolt of lightning shooting down towards you. Touching the shining golden ring on your finger, you send one last thought to the person you love the most.

Goodbye, Howard.

~~

You wake again to the same surroundings, although this time your eyes land on the person sitting on the other side of the room, watching you. Recognition immediately flashes in your mind, and you speak the first thing that comes to mind.

“Howard?” You see him stiffen, clenching together his hands in his lap before his eyes tear up, and he nods.

“You remember…” You sit up and shake your head, looking down at your hands, twiddling your fingers.

“No, not all of it. I only remember fragments.” Your gaze travels to Howard’s hands, landing on the golden band on his finger. He notices, and his heart aches for the times that you used to have together, before the ocean took you away from him. “But I remember enough.” He stands, and offers out his hand. You accept and he helps you out of the bed.

“I’ll take you to our room, where you can rest more.” He leads you down an ethereal hallway until you reach two grand doors, and he pushes them open with little effort. You enter the room and memories surge at you, and you can see what happened in the past like a movie playing in your head.

“Howard…” He stops, turning towards you.

“Yes, y/n? Are you alright?” You take a step closer to him and wrap your arms around his neck, pressing your lips to his. He’s shocked for a moment, but quickly returns the affections, moving his lips against yours. It’s just like how you remember, how he’s so gentle but so rough at the same time. He pushes you slowly over to the massive bed up against the wall, and your body falls down on the mattress.

Not wasting a second, your dirty clothes are tossed aside and his hands are trailing over your body, and goosebumps break over your skin. Slowly, the more he kisses you, the more he touches you, memories keep returning to you. Your eyes widen and a small moan slips out of your lips when Howard moves his leg between your legs, thigh brushing against the wetness pooling in your panties. You hear him let out a low groan, hands wrapping around your waist. He pushes your knees apart and situates himself in between your legs, leaning over and grinding his throbbing erection against your cunt. Little whimpers tumble out of your mouth and you grip onto the sheets, clenching the fabric in your fists.

“Is this okay, y/n? I know it’s been a while…” You immediately nod your head, sending him a quick smile.

“Yes, I don’t want anything else right now. Just you.” Howard takes that as a personal invitation, and he sheds his clothes too, teasing your entrance with his cock. He reaches for one of your hands, intertwining his fingers with yours tightly, and enters you swiftly. Your back arches into the mattress from the pleasure, and your free hand flies to your mouth to block out your moans. Howard almost doubles over in ecstasy, little groans slipping out of his lips as your walls squeeze around him.

His thrusts start of slow, but he slowly picks up speed until he’s pounding  into you like he’s starving for your body. His fingers leave tiny bruises from where they’re clutching onto your thighs, and your hands remain intertwined together as your moans and the sound of sex fill the room.

“Ah.. H-howard..” Your mind is fogging and your body is on fire, and the tightness is your core is moments away from exploding. His own thrusts are beginning to get sloppy, and his high is just in his reach.

“S-shit…” Your grip on his hand tightens and a cry slips out of your lips as your orgasm crashes over you like a wave, Howard following soon after, his hot load shooting inside you. He leans down and kisses your lips, wrapping his arms around you as you both catch your breath, heart beating out of your chest.

“God, I love you.” His voice is tired and husky, and it makes your stomach do flips. You nod into his shoulder.

“I love you too.” Your breaths are shaky still, but the high has for the most part passed, and fatigue starts to set in.

Howard scoops you in his arms and takes you over to the bathroom, running a quick shower and scrubbing your body with care until you’re all clean and your skin smells faintly of lavender. You find some of your old clothes in your closet, and you change into them, floating into the room like a totally different person. Howard is already changed, sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a small white box in his hands.

“Whatcha got there?” You sit down next to him and rest your head on his shoulder. He opens it and a matching golden band to his own rests in the box.

“This is the only thing that I found that night.” He takes it out and turns the ring over in his hands. “It was the only piece of you that I had left.” He takes your hand and slips the ring back on your finger. “I’m happy that I found you again. After all these years of waiting.”

“Me too. I promise I’ll never get lost again.” He intertwines your fingers together and for the first time in what feels like forever, you feel whole again.

[acahope311]

I Promise

A/N: Amari, Queen of Erebor and wife of Thorin Oakenshield, spends a day exploring the secret tunnels with their son, Arnel. But when a friendly and peaceful mother-son outing turns deadly in a heartbeat, can she keep her family and home safe? This is my first ever fic, so I hope you like enjoy it :) Also the lullabye I reference is “Hushabye Mountain” from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Warnings: blood, angst, tears

Words: 6547 (it’s a doozy)

I wanted to say thank you so much to everyone for taking the time to look at the story and reassuring, supporting, and hyping me up through the whole process! ^-^ 

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Deep in the heart of the Lonely Mountain, in the walls of a secret tunnel, the quiet calm was broken by childish giggles and squeaks. Amari, Queen of Erebor, and her son, Arnel, explored secret tunnels that snaked in and out of Erebor with excitement. Initially, Amari was reluctant to venture into such a dangerous expedition with her son, but even she could not stand against a cherub face framed with a hint of dark peach fuzz. Preparing for this outing, she decided to move her queenly duties aside and trade her gown for a borrowed tunic and trousers from her husband's wardrobe, her bladed tonfas sheathed in her hip holsters. Although still in their home, it was best to always be prepared when entering unknown areas of the mountain. 

"Amad, hurry!" the squeal of a child reverberated down the abandoned walls of an ancient tunnel that wound around the base of the Lonely Mountain. Amari smiled fondly at her son as he pulled at her hand, urging her to quicken her pace.

"Calm down, ibinê. We have all day, sweetheart. If you keep pulling, you'll run out of energy, then we'd need to return." The queen warned as she gently pulled the young prince into her arms. Whining, he tried to pull away from her grasp. 

"Maaaa, I'm not a baby, I'm almost seven! I'm a warrior!" Arnel scowled as he fended off his mother's affection, but failing as he too started to giggle at her kisses. 

"Of course, my warrior prince. Now let's just walk a bit further, then go and save your father from those boring councilmen, hm? I’m sure your sister is there too." She gently placed him down and ruffled his hair affectionately.

The dwarf prince was about to object, when suddenly a low growl came from his stomach. Embarrassed, Arnel looked down. "That wasn't me…"

Amari laughed heartily at his expense, further annoying the child prince. 

"S’ not funny!" He whined, stomping his tiny foot. Looking up indignantly at his mother, his ocean blue eyes flashed a storm. Although a Durin worthy scowl took place on his face, little tears formed in his eyes, threatening to fall from embarrassment. Amari held her laugh in as she picked up her son again and wiped them from his face.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Of course it didn't come from you. Now, why don't we head back? I am getting a bit hungry…" Arnel took this opportunity to divert the blame to someone else; he stroked his non-existing beard mischievously and looked away for a moment.

So much like his father. She thought as she studied his face.

"Well if you are tired, it is only right for a warrior to keep the Queen safe and well fed. Right, Mama?" He asked, unsure but firm in his thinking. Amari nodded and put him down.

"Right you are! Spoken like a true prince. Now, let's head straight to the kitchen and make some pizza, then I'll tell you a story from my world while we cook. I think we will need to make a BIIIIG pizza for your father and sister. What do you say, kiddo?" Arnel perked up at that; he always loved hearing tales of your life before coming to Middle Earth. 

"Yes please! Can you tell me the story of your amad and namad? I like hearing that story." Reaching up to her, she picked him up and cradled him to her hip. 

"Of course, my-" 

Suddenly a rock tumbled across the flat ground towards them, as if kicked by an unseen being. Its sound echoing through the darkness making the hairs on Amari’s neck stand on end. Instinctively she hugged her son tighter to her chest. A menacing laugh surrounded them, thickening the air with fear and anxiety. 

"I'd like to hear that story too. Can I join you?" A deep, rasping voice came from the end of the tunnel, shattering the safe haven of mother and son. Amari turned protectively to the source. Stepping out of the shadows, a group of orcs emerged. 

Orcs?!?! Here in Erebor?! Adrenaline started to course through the woman's body. Looking more closely at the creatures, she realized these were not orcs. Uruk Hai. Amari's face paled at the realization. It was no wonder, though, she thought them to be orcs at first sight. However these creatures were taller, more muscular, and oozed evil- so much so that even the eternal torches that lined the tunnel cowered before them. She hadn't even realized that she started to back away until they moved forward menacingly. Stained with blood and hair, they gripped a black sword in one hand, and in the other… 

Oh no…

A large body was being dragged, no bigger than a dwarf. 

Frode… 

The young guard’s uniform was torn and tattered, soiled with dirt and blood. Amari had wondered where her assigned guard was that morning, but never in her life would she have anticipated this. Her flight or fight reaction kicked into fight mode, but in her arms, she could feel Arnel's shaking body, eyes brimming with fear and tears. Gently, but quickly, she brought her hand to shield his view of the carnage and threat looming over them.

"How did you get into our home? Get out!" She yelled with such fierceness that it startled both herself and Arnel. The leader chuckled maliciously before dropping the body with a sickening thud. 

"I don't think so. We like it here, you see. But even more so! Boys look, this isn't any human. The queen under the mountain has graced us with her presence." He sneered, his companions growling like a pride of lions, eyeing their prey. "And look… she brought a snack. How thoughtful your majesty." Amari tightened her hold on Arnel. Not breaking eye contact from the advancing Uruk hai, she spoke to her son softly and calmly in their secret language.

"Sweetheart. I need you to be brave. Can you do that for me?" Arnel looked at his mother, her brown eyes looking away from his, but he could see her panic. He had never seen his father, nor his mother afraid, but witnessing her fear, he let out a small whimper, but he knew that he had to be strong. Gulping audibly, he nodded. "Yes, mama." He whispered as bravely as he could.

"Thank you, my brave, brave warrior. Now, I need you to hold on tight, and hide your face to my neck. Don't look up, no matter what ok? It'll be like when we play peek-a-boo with adad. Remember? It'll be just like a game!" Amari says the last part as lightheartedly as she could, but a quiver in her voice betrayed her. She was terrified; under normal circumstances, the Queen would never back down from a fight, but with such precious cargo in her arms, she did the next best thing. She ran.

----------------------

How did they get in?! How the fuck did this happen?! 

Deep in the heart of the Lonely Mountain, the quiet calm was broken by the sounds of quick and light footsteps, rapidly outrunning the thundering and heavy footfalls of evil. 

Amari ran as fast as she could down the tunnel, retracing her steps to break out of this hellish nightmare turned reality and back into the safety of the open halls of Erebor. 

A little more! Mahal please! The queen begged the gods for the chance to escape. She could feel her son's quivering and whimpers, her shirt already wet from his silent sobs as he kept his head tucked into her neck. 

"Amad I'm scared! I want adad!" He whispered fiercely. Her heart breaks with every word. "I know ibinê. I'll get us back safely, I promise. But please, don't look up, keep your eyes down!" she begged between each hard breath she took, her lungs burning from running for what seemed to be an eternity. However she saw the familiar light of the main hall, where they entered. Yes! 

"Oh no you don't! It’s rude to abandon your guest, your majesty" the cruel voice raked down her back, but she didn't care. She just needed to get Arnel out. At whatever cost.

"MAMA LOOK OUT!" Arnel's shriek broke her concentration as she felt a sharp pain in the back of her thigh. Suddenly the ground came up to her face, instinctively she shielded Arnel with her body as they tumbled forward. Her arms held him close, however her body tumbled further and jostled on the floor, losing her grip on him, he rolled out of her arms and into the hall. Luckily, her training kicked in and she steadied herself and corrected her stance, pulling out her tonfas. Battle ready to defend her son and herself. The advancing Uruk hai halted in their tracks and grinned cruelly. 

"Tired your majesty?" They taunted, eliciting a menacing growl from her.

"On the contrary, scum, I have never felt more invigorated." She retorted. Her mind is running a million miles a second. She knew if she left with Arnel, the Uruk hai would follow them into the mountain, truly threatening the lives of innocents. However if she stayed, she and Arnel would never make it…

No… not Arnel. Not him. 

Calling to him, she yelled in their secret language.

"Sweetheart, are you ok?" Silence. "Arnel!" She barked. More silence, just as she was about to risk a glance, she heard his little sobs.

"I want adad… Amad I'm scared…" His quiet cries were starting to grow louder as he saw his mother’s leg pierced with a silver dagger, blood dripping and pooling at her heel. Amari took a deep breath to steady her nerves. It wouldn't do anyone any good if they were in hysterics. Without looking at him, she continued talking.

"Arnel, everything will be alright!! I promise, sweetheart...I need you to do something for me. I know you are tired and scared, my love, but I need you to run as fast as you can and get  adad-" 

"Mama-"

-He is in the room where he meets with the important people. Do you remember where, sweetheart?"

"Mama I don't wanna leave you! I'm scared- "

"I know." By now, Amari's tears fell freely down her face, but she made sure her fear and sadness would not reach her words. 

She could see them inching forward, growling and grinning at the prospect of hurting the Queen herself.

"I know you are afraid, ghivashel. I am too my love… but you need to be brave and bring adad here. And then everything will be alright. Can you do that, my brave warrior? C-can you do that for mama?" Arnel sat for a second, processing what she was asking him. She was asking him to leave her… and get help. The prince stood as tall as he could but he kept his eyes on his mother’s back; he could see her shoulders shake- he hesitated. And that was all that the enemy needed. 

In that second, a dagger flew to the face prince of Erebor.

------------------------------

"Adad! Look! Troll!" Darna squeaked as she held up the King's notes to his face, obscuring his line of sight to his councilmen. She could feel his chuckle rumbling through his chest as he took the piece from her small chubby hands. 

"Hmmm, who is this supposed to be ghivashel?" He inquired, tilting his head to the side as he studied it with such scrutiny, you'd think he was looking to buy it with a whole bag of gold. Darna mirrored her father's expression and stroked her non existent beard. 

"Its Unca Dain!" She proclaimed. The King's booming laugh echoed through the room, pausing the meeting and aggravating the council. The dwarf in question strode into the room and stood next to them, looking at the picture, then nodded.

"Not bad lass, I guess you take after yer amad." Placing two glass chalices on the table that glittered and cast beautiful shapes light that captivated the princess. Thorin took them and gave Darna hers before turning his attention back to the meeting, drinking his ale. Darna, looking up in awe at her father as he chugged the liquid down in one go, tried to mimic him and did the same with her milk, only to start coughing. Her coughing fit halted the meeting once again and Thorin gently patted her back.

“It went up my nose adad…” She whined, pushing her glass away. Thorin wiped her tears and milk on his sleeve, staining his royal robes. 

“That’s why we do not rush when drinking, men uzbadnâtha.” Taking a handkerchief from his pocket- a parting gift from Bilbo- to clean up her mess. Fili smiled at the sight, never would he have thought that his uncle, Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain, would be a doting father- wrapped around a little girl’s finger like a ring- then again even he could not be spared from the princess’ charms, nor her brother’s. Kili frowned, as he noted the queen’s empty seat thirty minutes into the meeting. 

“Uncle, where is auntie?” He inquired. 

“Your auntie took a break to spend time with Arnel, something about exploring.” Thorin, without breaking from his fatherly task, answered. Worried glances were thrown across the table, the silence made him look up. “What?”

Balin cleared his throat and looked nervously at him. “Laddie, there have been some reports of our people going missing in the mountain. I thought you told her?” 

“I did, and I assigned Frode to be her guard.” Thorin replied. Dwalin- who had not been paying attention to the meeting- suddenly sat up. “Thorin, Frode has been missing since last night.” 

A chill ran down his back as his mind ran a mile a minute thinking of the worst scenarios that could happen to them. Fili and Kili stood, knowing how their uncle’s mind worked, and headed to the door.

“Do not worry uncle. We will look for them and make sure they are safe” Fili reassured.

“Not that she’ll need it- You know how auntie is with her tonfas. Mahal help the assailant! Remember when the assassin at their wedding tried to- ” the dark haired prince’s conversation was cut short by the heavy door being thrown open, banging against the stone walls. The sound startled everyone in the room- Darna nearly fell off her father’s lap. In turn, the King stood- holding his daughter protectively against his chest- and angrily turned to the door.

“What in Durin’s name-” He stopped, staring in horror as the image of his six year old son, blood dripping down his face from a cut, breathlessly gripped the door. 

"ADAD! ADAD HELP!" His shrieks echoed in the room as he tried to rush further into the room to the safety of his father, but fell onto the floor, breathless. Fili bent down to catch him as the little prince’s legs gave way. Blood stained the golden dwarf’s hands as he tried to look for other injuries. Gently putting Darna down, Thorin rushed to his son. 

“Inùdoy! What happened?! Who did this!” He howled, causing Darna to whimper. 

“Adad…” The little girl walked slowly to her brother and father, fearful of her brother’s situation. 

“Do not move! Stay there... sweetheart!” He yelled, making her sob softly. Kili saw her distress and went to comfort her. “Uncle please…” But it fell on deaf ears as Thorin tended to Arnel.

The young prince gasped for air as he tried to stand again. Everyone stared in horror at the child prince- disheveled, bleeding. 

"AMAD! FIGHTING MONSTERS IN THE GWEAT HALL! ADAD PLEASE SAVE MAMA! MONSTERS COMING!" Arnel gasped as he stood up, only to collapse in on himself. He hated how he looked right now, he needed to be brave. He promised amad. Looking, pleading with his father. Without thinking Thorin ran out the room, flanked by his nephews. The company who attended the meeting raced after him. Except for one; Bofur stopped mid stride, grabbed the prince and placed him in the arms of Balin. 

"Keep the lad company, we'll be back.” Bofur ordered before swiveling on his heel and running out the room. The walls rumbled from the heavy footsteps of a Company of dwarves running down the hall. The dwarves’ protective instinct drove them to run to the Queen’s side but Thorin’s mind set on one task: Save his One.

Unbeknownst to him, two pairs of little feet followed the men, just as determined to save their mother, the Queen.

---------------------------

"Hurry up Arny!" Darna squeaked as she tried to keep a safe distance from the group of dwarrows running to their mother's aid. Her brother wheezed as he tried to keep up.

"Darny, I cant… my legs hurt so much! My chest is hurting!" The young prince whined, slowing to a halt and falling on his hands and knees. Darna stopped and worriedly toddled back to her twin. As she got closer, she was finally able to get a good look at him; his hair was sticking up in different directions and his braids, always so neat and in place, were falling out of its plait. What really scared her, however, was his cut; even though she knew it was shallow, the gash would scar and leave him and his family a lasting memory of today. The weight of the danger weighed heavily on the young princess, the reality that she could have lost her beloved brother shook her to her core. Darna kneeled next to him and gently placed her hand on his sweat soaked shoulder. 

"Nadad… are you ok?" 

Arnel looked at his sister's face but quickly turned away in shame; although young, they were told often that they were the spitting image of their parents- and it wasn't until he looked at his sister's face did he believe them- for he saw their mother's scared face in hers. Arnel looked down in shame.

"Namad… I'm so sorry." He whispered, watching as his tears fell onto the stone floor. Each drop seemed to weigh a ton and echo through the hall. Arnel hated feeling like this; he felt weak. He couldn't protect his mother, he can barely keep up with his sister. "I couldn't help amad." He hiccups as his crying increases. Darna hugged her brother tightly, her own tears cascading down her chubby cheeks. "And she could be dead. Mama… mama she told me to run and get help. I couldn't do anything else." Darna rubbed his back, starting to hiccup herself. "I'm weak, Darny…" 

"Nadad, you're not! You're able to get adad! You're hurt, but you still did it! You're so b-brave, brother. I bet even braver unca Dwalin.” Darna pulled back and watched his hunched figure shaking. 

“ Were they orcs? Were they like how adad said they were in the stories?” Darna couldn’t help but ask- little did she know the loaded question she’d just asked. A heavy silence descended on the children as memories of the recent events flashed through Arnel’s mind- huge creatures with eyes as dark as night, hands and skin stained red, gnashing mouths with sharpened teeth… their strong and lithe mother taking on the menacing evil with shaking shoulders that he knew she tried to control for his sake. A sudden wave of bravery and adrenaline washed over the young prince. Standing up, he stumbled a bit before Darna could steady him. Looking at his face, she notices the shift in his resolve- looking more like their father during his meetings on topics of war. 

“We need to go help mama, Darny.”

“But you’re hurt! We need to go back, I’m sorry I made us leave but-”

“No, you don’t understand namad. Mama is very hurt and we have to help her and adad!” His blue eyes flashing like an ocean storm. 

“Will you follow me, sister?” Darna couldn’t help but be moved by his determination. Returning his intense gaze, she nodded.

“Anywhere you go, I’ll follow, brother.” Hand in hand, they ran down the hall to their parents.

---------------------------

The mountain thundered as news of the danger spread like wildfire. Every available dwarrow dropped their task and took arms to defend their home and beloved queen- for although she was no dwarf, let alone from Middle Earth, she had been blessed by their Maker to bring hope and happiness to her people. She cared for them as though they were her kin. Amari could feel a shift in the air, as though someone opened a window to let fresh air into a stuffy room, but she could not be distracted- not when she was fighting for her life. 

Left. Right. Parry. Dodge. Repeat. 

Is Arnel alright… 

Please hurry Thorin! Fucking King under the mountain my ass! I always have to clean up the mess here! 

Amari’s mind jumped from indignation, anger, annoyance, worry, then ran her mind back to her training as she took on a mini legion of Uruk hai. Her tonfas cutting a path slowly but surely through her enemy. Her mind set on making sure none would make it through the threshold of her home- she is Queen under the Mountain, born in a modern world, a mother to two blessings of Mahal, wife of Thorin Oakenshield- if she could not defend her home and family, then the burden would fall on others and she would have failed. So lost in thought, she failed to register a pair of assailants and landed deep wounds on her back, raking down from shoulder to hips. Her pained scream echoed through the hall, suddenly she felt cold air hit her bare back as the uneasy feeling of warm scarlet liquid trickled down. Nonetheless, she persisted. Pushing back even harder, one by one they fell to her attacks until there were only two. 

“Tired your majesty? You seem to have left quite a mess in your wake.” One of the beasts taunted. Her enemy cracked his whip dangerously close to her. Dodging it, she failed to realize the feint and dove straight into the path of his waiting ally. Amari stared in horror at her mistake and did her best to regain her footing to dodge once again, but was ultimately unsuccessful. The uruk hai brought down his blade across her torso, slicing her chest open. At first, Amari thought it was the end, but upon second thought she realized her three doublet undergarments saved her life. 

Thank freaking Mahal! I knew it was a good idea to wear these!

Taking advantage of her enemy’s false victory, she took her tonfas and cut his head off, watching as it rolled to the side. Breathless, she turned to the last one standing- his face bared the anger and hatred that was unleashed upon her new world.

“Tired already?” She taunted, throwing his words back at him. The queen slowly slunk into a dangerous prowel. She exuded grace and ferocity, elegance and power. No longer was she prey, she was the predator. This was her territory and he was her victim. Quick as lightning, Amari lunged. Her eyes set for her target, no hesitation. One slice was all it took for her to incapacitate the beast. The uruk hai was wailing in pain on the ground helpless, however she did not kill him- one thing Dwalin taught her was to always keep one alive for questioning. As the monster lay on the ground bleeding, his wails subsided to malicious cackling. Amari’s fury flared again.

“What’s so funny? Does death seem like a joke to you?” She grit through clenched teeth as she painfully approached the helpless form- every step like a burning wave through her body. Her injuries finally catching up with her as the adrenaline subsided. She knew she had a little over an hour to get help before it would be fatal. The uruk hai seemed to know this too, noting her pale face and scarlet pool gathering at her feet.

“You don’t look too well, your majesty” he taunted, another cackle followed by a coughing fit echoed through the hall. “I suppose there is some prize to this whole ordeal. If I am going down, I made sure you are coming down with me, foreign queen.” With every word spoken from the vile creature’s mouth, Amari’s blood boiled another degree. “It’s just a shame we couldn’t take the half-breed down. But we will. And your husband will be none the wiser.” 

“Wanna bet.” a booming baritone voice echoed down the hall as the dwarf King descended on the evil creature- maiming him with his bare hands. After a moment, a group of dwarves pulled the king back.

“Let me go! That scum deserves to die!” Thorin roared as he fought off his kin. Dwalin pulled him back, fury raging in his eyes.

“Thorin, I know. But we need to interrogate him for information. You know this.” Dwalin growled so low, it surprised even himself. Shoving off the hands pulling him back, Thorin had no choice but to agree. Nodding, he turned to his friend. “Make sure he suffers.” 

A thud to his right brought his attention to Amari, laying on her side, facing them. Thorin’s blood ran cold as he swiftly gathered his beloved carefully into his arms. He noticed the gash on her torso but felt the wounds on her back to know that those were the worst.

“Amralime, I am here. You’ll be alright.” He softly reassured his queen. Amari’s eyes started to close, worrying the King. “SOMEBODY BRING A HEALER HERE NOW!” Thorin ordered. “Look at me, Amari. Keep those eyes open…” He begged. “You cannot leave us, my love… you cannot leave ME.” He shook her gently, making sure that she stayed awake. Amari fought with every ounce of strength she had to keep her eyes open, not because she knew she was going to be alright. But to make sure to burn into her memory the face of her most beloved. If this was to be last view, she was glad it was her husband. The thought calmed her enough to smile. Reaching up, she pushed his hair behind his ear, before caressing his cheek.

“If you keep frowning, you’ll get wrinkles, your majesty,” she teased. Even in her weakest moments, she lived to see her loved ones smile. Managing to pull a brief and soft chuckle from the distraught king.

“Thorin, Frode… he’s dead. He- in the tunnel. The Uruk hai-”

“Shhhhh. Ghivashel, please. We can look into this later but right now, we need to get you to Oin.” Thorin began to pull her up, only to stumble when she yelped in pain. His knees buckled at her pained voice

"It hurts so much, love" Amari whispered. Every word is a knife to her husband's heart. 

"I know, my love I know." Thorin kissed her forehead and brought her closer, ignoring the warm wetness staining his sleeve. "But Oin will be here, and you'll be fine. Everything will be fine, ghivashel so please…" the king's voice broke. Trying to keep face, he took a deep, shaky breath. Amari could see his resolve break. She'd only ever seen her King let his walls down in their chambers. Her heart broke at the first tear that fell from his ocean blue eyes. Amari wiped it away, smiling. 

"Don't cry, my love." Thorin leaned into her touch, "Oh Amari..." Another tear. "Please, just a little while longer, ibinê. Talk to me, my love… Don't leave me." Thorin begged, and he didn't care. He didn't care that his royal garment was being stained red. He didn't care that his eyes watered his lover's face with tears. He didn't give a damn when his body shook with grief and he whispered soft prayers to his Maker to save his One. 

"My love, our people are here… you need to be strong.” She whispered, gently stroking his bearded cheek. Thorin in turn leaned into her touch. “If not for me, kurduwe, then stay strong for Darna and Arnel.” The names of their children brought a minute wave of strength.

“Arnel…” Amari gripped his coat tightly. “Did he-” 

“Mama?” two tiny soft voices rang through the halls, like bells in a steeple. 

----------------------

It was my fault.

Arnel looked at the small figure in their father’s arms. Frozen in place, as Darna sprinted to them. 

“MAMA! MAMA! DON’T GO! DON’T LEAVE ME PLEASE!” Falling on her knees and vigorously shaking her mother’s arm. Amari turned her head and moved her hand to caress her daughter’s face. 

“Darling, I didn’t pick your clothes today but you look so pretty.” Amari noted, smiling warmly. She was determined to make sure that she showed no pain or sadness to her cherished treasures. 

Darna looked down, a tiny flicker of pride flashed within. She always worked hard to get praises from her parents, even for the smallest task like closing the door to keep the draft out. She smiled and tugged on her garments. 

“I… I picked it myself, amad...But I don’t- I don’t wanna pick my clothes anymore, so- so you have to pick them for me forever, amad. And you promised we would go out again next time, and you said princess and queens don’t break promises.” The princess of Erebor weeps as she wraps her little pinky finger around her mother’s pinky, her fragile voice breaking every heart in the hall. “Mama you promised- you pinky swore.” She whispers, giving up and curling into her side. The whole time, Thorin tries to keep his tears at bay, keeping a mask of hopefulness and stoicness but failing as each tear drop trails down his aged face, the facade is breaking. Amari chuckles

“I did, didn’t I…” Frowning, she moves her head slightly- hissing. 

“Amari.”

“Mama no…”

“Where’s your brother?” Arnel, still as a statue, flinches. Thorin’s blue gaze reaches his own. Arnel has never seen his father so broken- he always saw him like the statues of his forefathers: grand, big, immovable, majestic. But here… Arnel saw a scared and heart broken dwarf. 

“Come, inùdoy.” To the ears of those around, it sounded just like any command the dwarven king would give. To the ears of his closest friends and family… it was the plea of a broken husband. Slowly, the young prince walked to his family. The hall was silent except for the sound of his little shuffling feet and the quiet whimpers of their kin. When Arnel reaches his mother’s side, he breaks. Falling to his knees, he places his head tucked in his arms on her belly, weeps heavy tears and wails. The cry shakes the halls that even the mountain itself seems to weep with the prince, not soon after the wails of his sister follows, amplifying the pain of the inevitable possibility that the Lonely Mountain could lose a queen, that a husband could lose his wife, that two little children could lose their mother.

“I’m sorry… amad, I'm so sorry…” a hiccup. “I should’ve been stronger. I should’ve fought with you. I should’ve protected you.” Arnel grips his mother’s clothing. “I promise I’ll get stronger but- but you have to help me, amad...I don’t wanna be weak anymore. So promise you will help me mama… A queen keeps her promises- so you have to mama!” The prince raises his little finger and wraps it around his mother’s finger. Amari is quiet. She knows what they’re doing, trying to buy time for her. As much as they can. 

Little rascals. She smiles.

“Mama…” Darna pulls her attention back to them. A soft chuckle escapes her. Thorin can see she's trying- holding on as long as she can. But even she has limits, just as he does, and right now his heart is pushing past its own to make sure to be strong for their children.

“I promise sweetheart. When I’m… better, we can train together. After, your sister and I go to Dale. Do we have a deal, my lovelies?” She shifts so that now she is leaning on her husband's strong arms- trembling arms. Not from tiredness of holding the weight of his family- Mahal knows he will hold that weight forever in his arms if could. No, they trembled from sadness and fear. Amari gathers her son and daughter in her arms, inwardly wincing at the pain, but Thorin feels her flinch.

“Kurduwe, don’t overexert yourself.” He warns, readjusting his hold. Amari ignores his warning and starts to sway a little.

“My loves, I will be fine… I did say I will be with you, no?” She asks playfully, the two whimpers and grip their mother’s clothing, placing their head onto her torso- ignoring the moist feeling on their cheeks that they know aren't their tears. Thorin embraces his queen tightly and sways along with her, he turns his head and pushes his nose into her hair- inhaling her scent. Turning to the group, he sees the Company in tears, all their heads slightly bowed, giving the family the privacy they need. Only Balin is holding his head high- taking in the sight of the Queen Under the Mountain caring for her husband and children, and sending fervent silent prayers to Mahal, to Manwe, to any of the Valar to hear the plea of an old dwarf to save this woman beloved by dwarf, man, and elf.

Amari hums a quiet lullaby that calms the room, Arnel and Darna’s cries have quieted and only the uneven breathing of sorrowed children escapes their mouths. Minutes go by and they yawn. 

“Sleep my darlings.” Amari whispers, her voice weak and light. The twins shake their heads, they do not want to lose a second without their mother.

“M’not sleepy.”

“Me too.”

Another yawn spills from them. Darna’s eyelids begin to droop as her mother strokes her hair

“How about a lullaby then?” Amari moves so both children are safe within her and their father’s arms.

“Don’t wanna sleep… Don’t wanna lose you mama.” Arnel whimpers, another bout of crying threatening to envelop him. At that comment, Darna’s little chubby hands grip Amari's clothing.

“You won’t lose me, sweetheart. I’ll be here, I promise.” Thorin exhales sharply, his heart breaks at her promise; he knows that even though she is answering their son, she is also reassuring him. 

“Promise, you’ll be here when we wake up…?” Darna asks, her eyes closed and Arnel close to follow. 

Silence.

“I promise, I will be with you when you wake…” Thorin grips his wife tighter- the implication heavy on his heart.

“Adad you too? You’ll be here too?” Arnel asks sleepily. Thorin nods.

“Yes, ibine, I will always be here with you.” A promise verbally etches into the walls of his mountain. I will always be with you. I promise. Amari sniffles, moving so her hand is cradling Arnel, and the other arm moves and caresses the back of Thorin’s neck to bring his forehead to her’s.

“I promise, I will be here when you wake.” She promises again to her king. Closing their eyes, Amari sings.

“A gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain

Softly blows over Lullaby Bay,

It fills the sails of boats that are waiting,

Waiting to sail your worries away.

It isn't far to Hushabye Mountain,

And your boat waits down by the quay.

The winds of night sdo softly are sighing,

Soon they will fly your troubles to sea.

So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain,

Wave goodbye to cares of the day,

And watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain

Sail far away from Lullaby Bay.”

A heavy silence falls. Thorin opens his eyes and sees his children softly snoring, looking up he looks at his queen.

“Amari..” he shakes her gently. “Amari!” His voice makes Darna shift. 

“Mama…” she whispers in her sleep. Arnel is gripping his mother’s ripped tunic tightly in one hand, while his other is to his face as he is sucking his thumb in comfort. Amari doesn’t move, nor does she open her eyes, her breathing is shallow and weak, her face pale, but her grasp on their children does not falter or weaken. 

“Mahal please…” Thorin begs. “Anything, please… just save her.” The king quietly sobs into his lover’s hair. He opens his deep blue eyes and pleads to the surrounding dwarrows. In the distance, he sees two tall men walking toward the group quickly. The crowd parts and rushing to their side, Gandalf the Grey and Thranduil, king of Mirkwood, urgently looks at the queen. 

“Thranduil, take the twins. I need to look at Amari.” Gandalf orders, immediately, the elven king reaches out to the children. Thorin growls and pulls his family closer to his chest, his eyes glaring at the elf. The wizard heaved an exasperated sigh at the gesture.

“Save me from the stubbornness of dwarves! Thorin if you do not give them to Thranduil, I cannot see Amari, and she will die.” Begrudgingly, he loosens his grip and Thranduil carefully cradles the small bundles in his arms- a peaceful tenderness befalls the face of the elven king, reminiscent of when his own son was at this tender age. 

Gandalf’s hand hovers over the small frame of the queen, when he comes back to her face, he whisper’s a spell. Thorin watches the mage with bated breath, praying that he can save his beloved. After the incantation, Amari gasps a heavy breath, but her eyes stay close. Thorin had witnessed his life saving magic, he himself experienced it during the quest for his home, but never had he seen the victim not open their eyes. He started to panic again.

“Gandalf-” 

“She needs urgent help. Thranduil-” 

“Say no more, Mithrandir.” The elvish king gently deposits the twins into the gray wizard’s arms. Then tenderly, he lifts the wounded queen into his arms and without another word, turns on his heel and strides to the healer’s wing. Thorin is just about to protest when Gandalf gently places Arnel and Darna’s sleeping forms into his arms- he notes the huge change of weight in his grasps and begins to show distress. 

“Thranduil is gifted with healing- you know this. If anyone can save your queen, it will be the King of Mirkwood.”

“But-”

“Stay with your children, Thorin. They need you more than ever now.” The wizard’s eyes fall on the sleeping pair and he gently touches their head, whispering another spell. Thorin looks at him questioningly.

“To sleep soundly and peacefully, for they deserve happy dreams away from this living nightmare.” With that, Gandalf hastens out the hall, towards the halls of healing, joining Thranduil. 

Deep in the heart of the Lonely Mountain, the quiet calm was thick with the smell of blood, and sorrow as the King Under the Mountain, held his slumbering precious treasures, staring helplessly at the direction that his beloved was taken, tears endlessly streaming down into his beard as his closest friends and family reassure him of her safety, but even they are unsure. Thorin exhales a breath he did not realize he was holding and sends another endless plea to the gods.

Mahal please… Keep my One safe.... Amari, come back to me, to us...I promise I will wait for you.

To be continued?

Taglist: @cassiabaggins @guardianofrivendell  @elles-writing @lathalea (thank you so so much for reading and double checking me :)  )

Thank you for hyping me up! :D @luna-xial @fizzyxcustard   @tschrist1

[novantinuum]

Contact (ch. 1/4)

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: T (TW: depiction of vomiting, this first chapter is pretty whump-esque)

Words: 3.0K~

Summary: The first (and with any luck, only) time it happens, he’s almost 16.

So this fic is Steven and Amethyst centric, set during the 2 year time skip. It’s also kinda in conversation with An Indirect Kiss, and explores the idea of what could happen to a hybrid with a cracked gem. Do note the warnings above. The first chapter is the only one that’s especially whumpy. It will be exactly 4 parts.

AO3 link can be found in the reblogs! Support there or here (via reblogs) is very much appreciated! <3

____

Chapter 1: The Mission

The first (and with any luck, only) time it happens, he’s almost 16.

His birthday’s only half a week out. Exciting as always, or at least it would be in other circumstances. Unfortunately, the Diamonds are breathing down his neck for him to celebrate his sweet sixteen (not that they understand what that is) on Homeworld. Even unfortunatelier, (is that a word?? He has a gut feeling Connie would tell him no, but oh well), the last time he saw Blue Diamond face-to-face, she mentioned wanting to personally throw a huge planet-wide ball in his honor.

And yeah, maybe he’s a little selfish for spurning their desire to spend more time with him, but truth be told, the center of attention is the last place he wants to be right now. He’s already spent so much time in their company over the past year, being carted around from planet to planet, formerly introduced in front of thousands of Gems on those outer colony worlds, tirelessly working to spread the news of the empire’s dissolution day in and day out. He’s tired. He misses his friends. He craves the privacy of his home, where he’s not constantly flanked by the volunteer guard when he so much as moves to fetch a midnight snack. More than anything, he needs familiarity. He wants to celebrate his birthday on Earth— like he always has— guilt-free.

Which is why it sucks that Blue didn’t take his gentle turn-down well.

“Seriously, and then she made you cry again?!” Amethyst spits out, kicking a rock as they tromp through the dense woods. “I thought you said she was getting better with that!”

“She is,” he says, and ducks to clear a low branch. “This is the first time she’s done it in like, five months. Growth isn’t always linear, y’know? And I get it, I do. They just wanna spend time with me, wanna learn more about all the human stuff that makes me who I am. That’s fine! I just...”

Steven sighs softly and pauses to lean against a sturdy tree trunk, puffy moss coating its entire diameter. The blistering summer heat coaxes droplets of sweat from his brow, which roll across cheekbones and towards his jaw. (And in the wake of this, he can’t help but be reminded of that bizarrely foreign feeling, of crying tears that aren’t his own, without consent, without resolve...)

“Wish it didn’t happen right before your birthday?” she tentatively completes, tone softer.

He shrugs, expression guarded.

Her lips purse as she regards him, and she goes silent. For a split second he wonders if maybe she heard something stalking around nearby— perhaps one of the straggling corrupted Gems they‘re trying to track down today? But no, more than likely, she’s probably lost in thought. That’s not uncommon for her, outside the heat of the moment. Even though she has the reputation of being the most impulsive of the four of them, there’s a clear deliberateness about her nature that often goes unstated. Her actions and words may be blunt, but when it really matters she does stack a lot of intent behind them.

Heh. She’s the mature one, alright.

“What did you tell her? Specifically?” she asks after a brief pause, peering at him with a careful eye.

He squints, grasping to remember the fine details of what he said. “Just... that I normally spend my birthday with all of you here on Earth, and after all the nonstop planet touring kinda, maybe wanted to take some time alone?”

Amethyst nods, giving a sharp bark of laughter at this.

“Hah! Then don’t worry about it, m’dude! Sounds to me like you stood your ground and spoke your mind. Don’t be guilty about that for even a second.”

“But- it’s not like her wanting me to spend time with them is wrong, so by turning her down, wasn’t I being kinda ru—“

His rapidly spiraling thoughts are cut off at the root by a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, listen,” she says in that unmistakable ‘Serious Amethyst’ voice of hers, which of course means that she’s— well... that she‘s absolutely 100% being serious. “One thing ya’ gotta learn is that some people are just super tiring to deal with 24/7. It’s not wrong to set boundaries with them. All this junk? With Blue D? Far as I’m concerned, you handled it perfectly! And if she wants to cry about it, then that’s her problem.” Smiling, she reaches over to playfully muss his hair. “I’m super proud of you, ‘kay?”

He responds with a weak grin. Inwardly he still has his doubts, but he knows all too well that trying to argue against her when she’s in ‘Serious Amethyst’ mode is like standing on the shore trying to single handedly hold back the tides of the sea. Even a powerful terraforming Gem like Lapis would eventually be worn down by the ocean’s ceaseless tenacity. It’s best, then, to keep one’s objection silent.

So he’ll just stew in guilt quietly, no problem. Absolutely no problem here, no siree!

Before he can let that stew churn in the pot any longer however, a tree crashes to the forest floor with a colossal rumble nearby. A cluster of unsettled birds shoot into the sky from the boughs. Ground shaking under the unrest, the two of them dart to cling upon anything they can— bark covered trunks, each other— for balance. Thankfully it’s over in a few seconds, the local ecosystem quickly rebounding to its usual chittering atmosphere. But there’s now a lingering unease hanging like a curtain over this forest, a physical aura of dread, and despite his best efforts it’s one he can’t manage to ignore. He lets out a still breath. The back of his neck prickles. Geeze, just how big is this corrupted Gem they’re after?

Instinctively, he summons his shield, brings it in front of his torso. Pearl’s training echoing like a catchy earworm in his mind, he steps one foot back to widen his stance. Truth be told, with all of his political service on Homeworld it’s been a while (easily half a year!) since he’s actually used his shield in active combat— but he’s sure muscle memory will carry him through. It’s fine. He’ll be fine. It’s gotta be like riding a bicycle, right?

“You see something?” she whispers, lowering on her haunches. Her fingers twitch with anticipation at her side.

His brow furrows tight, eyes skittering through the visible tree line. “Not yet, but...”

Then, in a resolute answer to the question of the hairs raised at the nape of his neck, a skinny blur of steely blue and moss green suddenly swipes down from the branches at breakneck speed. He jerks his shield over his head in a flash.

Clang. Perfect timing.

(The force of the collision against reinforced hard light sends vibrations up his arms.)

Meanwhile, Amethyst yelps, only barely ducking from the spiked tail in time. She somersaults forward and immediately summons her whip as she regains her footing. In one fluid motion she snaps it at the rapidly moving blur. He grins at the sight.

Contact!

The corrupted Gem— her body long and willowy, able to skitter between limbs and leaves with zero effort whatsoever— screeches at the assault. All four of her beady eyes hone in on the pair of them.

They square up for battle, standing back to back.

“Here we go,” Amethyst says, flicking her wrist to switch the weapon’s tri-ended tip into its spiked counterpart. “Keep me covered. Whatever you do, don’t take your eyes off the trees.”

With a mighty yell, she moves to attack again. However, the creature anticipates it this time... and dodges.

Once. Twice. Thrice...

Every single lash she tries to land fares the same, with the Gem perfectly zig-zagging out of range at the last second. Even when Steven hurls his shield in coordination with her offensive strikes. Even when the quartz brings out a second whip to the party. It’s like trying to desperately keep hold of a wet bar of soap. The very moment you think you have it secure in your grasp, it slips away once more. Weird... he swears that thing is predicting their every move. What kind of Gem is she? A sapphire, maybe? Surely there had to have been a few other sapphires on Earth at the time of corruption. They’re a rare sort, but it’s certainly not impossible. Not at all.

They’ll know when they poof her, of course. No sense fixating on it in the heat of battle.

In the corner of his eye he catches that barbed tail swing from above, vying to surprise them from their blind spot, and summons his bubble around them. Its surface ripples upon impact, but holds strong. His fellow battle partner follows the creature’s erratic movements rapturously as she recovers.

“Tell me when,” he huffs for breath, watching the Gem circle around them and slash at the surrounding trees in a vain attempt at intimidation.

“Drop on three,” she says. “Your call.”

“Okay...”

Steven steels his nerves, inhaling deep, and focusing on the reliable hum of hard light running from his core outwards. Just relax. It’s all training. All stuff you’ve done a million times before. You’ve got this.

Working off the emerging rhythm of the creature’s strikes, he begins his count.

“One—“

Amethyst’s fists clench tighter.

“Two...”

The creature’s tail slams against the bubble and rebounds once again.

“Three!” he shouts, and throws his arms out, popping the bubble in a startling explosion of glittering pink.

The Gem howls. She’s thrown against a cluster of trees by the force of his magic’s kickback. Amethyst throws all of her energy into her spin-dash, and surges towards her with all the strength of a typhoon.

He summons two shields in turn, working light on his feet as he hurls them full force one after the other, desperately hoping to poof this poor creature as quickly and painlessly as he can manage. She’s strong, though. Incredibly strong— which gives more credence to his theory of this Gem being aristocratic in origin. Before Era 3, Homeworld used to endow the most ‘important’ Gems with greater durability. If she were a corrupted quartz or ruby, both easily poofed Gems, they’d have finished the fight by now.

“Hey!” Amethyst calls as she continues on the offensive, finally looping the Gem’s torso. “All this?” She gives a mighty battle cry, and swings her slender, scaly body over her head. Screeching, the corruption crashes headfirst into the dirt a good twenty feet away. “Is starting to get way too annoying. Ya’ wanna let Smoky take this one?”

Steven gives a playful laugh, averting his normally watchful gaze from the creature for a split second to face her. “You bet I do!”

And that’s when what should have been an incredibly straightforward mission goes very, very wrong.

All because he forgot to be careful. For one tiny, should’ve-been-insignificant moment.

He’s reaching out for a high five, fingers splayed outwards. His gem glows, the two of them so intrinsically in sync by now that he’s already anticipating their fusion.

But his hand never finds its match.

Instead, the end of the corrupted Gem’s mace-like tail swings back around and slams into his gut with the force of a freight train, knocking the wind clear out of him.

Contact.

Following momentum, his body spins a good hundred feet away from Amethyst before she can ever try to catch him with her whip... and he crashes headfirst into a startlingly solid tree trunk. He falls to the forest floor like nothing more than an abandoned rag doll.

“Steven!!” she shrieks from afar.

Ears ringing. Head pounding. Heart throbbing. Veins pumped full of static.

(Inhale.)

H-he- surely he‘s not—!

(Just inhale!)

Black feathers the edges of his vision, looming like a reaper. It’s wrong. It’s real, but it’s all so distant, so wrong. Stubbornly, he gasps for breath. Refusing to let himself go unconscious. Not here, not now. But it’s so tempting, gosh is it tempting. His whole body feels numb and battered, his whole body feels...

There’s a twisting in his gut. His eyes shoot wide.

Oh...

The sensation (again, wrong, sickly and wrong) rises in his throat faster than he can identify it by name, and it’s then that he’s thrown back into sobering reality. Arms quivering to hold up his weight, he pushes his upper body up off the dirt just before he retches. Once, twice, three times- all on quick succession. Ugh. So much for breakfast. His muscles ache as he desperately attempts to recover, attempts to shift his view away from the appalling sight of his own vomit. Everything is woozy, blurred, spinning around him. His- oh stars, his head is suddenly as heavy as lead...! Where’s Amethyst?? Why do his arms and legs feel all tingly and faint? Why can he only barely lift himself up? He gives a keening cry as a pulsing throb of static shoots in staccato bolts like lightning from his very core, his center, h-his— he can’t think, he can’t think, he can’t—

Breathing ragged, he collapses onto his side and rides through the spasms, his every muscle jerking against his command. His cheek sags against the ground once the fit reaches its end.

He lays there in a daze for a good long while, letting his vision grow unfocused and blurred in his exhaustion. From his creased brow, sweat drips in the sweltering August heat, staining the soil below. Conflict rages on in the distant background—  Amethyst running solo?— yet he can’t keep track of the action by sound alone. It’s... too much sensory input. More than he can handle, by a long shot. Every bit of his universe now is faint and weak and pain pain pain pain pain, but he manages to shift his arm just enough to slip his hand under his shirt, blindly grasping for his gem... working off a terrible, horrifying hunch.

Shaking fingers find their way to warm crystal, tracing the outer edges, and then—

He traces a deep gouge, running diagonal clear across the center facet.

Cracked.

And with that realization, any remnant of calm he had left flies straight out the window. Another spike of static rips through his body (fuzzy images of Amethyst, 100% hard light body glitching out and unable to hold its shape, pervade his mind) as he makes rapid shallow gasps for air and seizes, trying in vain not to think too hard about what’s physically happening to him.

(I’m cracked I’m cracked I’m cracked I’m—)

“Steven!” Amethyst shouts, diving to his side in an instant. “I’m here, I’m here, I’m so sorry, it wasn’t safe, an’ I knew I had to bubble her before I- ‘fore I could—“

His wide eyed fear silences her even faster than his words. “H- Amethyst,” he rasps, voice hoarse. He blinks as tears begin to slip from between his lashes.

Near indistinguishable blurs of purple and black are his only metric for her movement now. He’s rolled onto his back. A hand moves under his head, stabilizing it.

“Whoa, dude, you’re like, pale as milk! What’s wrong? Did you get hurt?? Can’t you heal it?”

He somehow manages to push coherent words through his warbling cries. “I, I- I dunno, I’m c- cracked, I’m—“

“Wait, wait, wait, you’re WHAT?”

Giving no thought to courtesy in light of the situation, she yanks his shirt up to see for herself.

He hears her inhale as her fingers delicately brush against the gouge marring the center facet of his gem. It’s sharp, sympathetic. The kind of reaction only a Gem who’s lived this horror could offer him. Ever so slight, her hand recoils upon the no-doubt triggering sight. He— stars, he doesn’t wanna... doesn’t want to have to make her remember that, remember that awful time she herself got cracked, but here he is, so clumsy, s-so useless, an—

His chest trembles with every pitiful, bubbling gasp as he succumbs to the terror of the situation and begins to openly sob. Hot, fat tears pour in rivulets down his cheeks, but he knows instinctively there‘s no magic within them. Not today. Not when h-he’s... when he’s like this.

What’s even gonna happen to him now? How’s he gonna— Deep breath. This time, he feels it coming. Every muscle in his body contracts on automatic as that awful, awful static tears through his nerves like an arc of electric current.

It hurts it hurts it hurts ithurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurts—

Amethyst does her best to lightly hold him as he seizes, cradling his head to ensure no more damage is done. When he stills this time the fight’s practically draining from his body. The boughs of the trees above him pirouette like dancers. Oh stars, everything’s... so... woozy...

“Aw, geeze,” she mutters, and reaches to her gem to pull out an object, thin and rectangular, too blurry in his view for him to make out with much detail. “I, uh... listen. I’m gonna call up Pearl, and we’re gonna fix you up, okay?? We’re gonna take you to the fountain, an’ then...” Her words (reassurance, but for who?) grow thick as her glance flicks downward at his stomach again. “An’ then you’re gonna be fine...”

“B-b-but... I don’t think— I can’t walk,” he blubbers.

“Then I’ll carry you.”

“Am- hnng- Amethyst—“

“Shh-shh, don’t talk, bud. Save your energy.”

“I- I’m so scared,” he blurts.

And it’s so true. Because everything is becoming so blurry and indistinguishable, and the more his body seizes the more fractured he feels, and he’s so close to closing his eyes and drifting off now, he’s sure he is, he’s gotta be—

“Steven,” she says, voice firm yet soft. “Steven, common’, look at me.”

Serious Amethyst. He recognizes the tone. No arguing now.

So slowly but surely— knowing there’s no sense in fighting back oceans when he can barely stay afloat amidst the shallows of this river— his weary, tear stained eyes meet with hers. They’re blown wide with fear, with genuine concern, but between the swirls of black and indigo blue stirs a deeper courage: the unwavering gaze of someone who will have his back to the end of the line.

Amethyst clasps her palm against his shoulder, solid and reassuring.

“Whatever it takes, I promise you... I’m gonna get you there.”

[lovemesomesurveys]

survey from diggitydoo

Have you ever felt a baby kick? I might have when my mom was pregnant with my brother, but I don’t remember.

What color pants/shorts are you wearing? I’m wearing black leggings. 

When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? My Disneyland trip back in February. It still trips me out that was this year, it feels like forever ago and SO much changed shortly after. It’s wild.

What was the scariest moment of your life? I’ve had more than one, but some were pre-surgery fears. It’s a very scary time and my mind always went to the worst places. My surgeries were long and invasive, too. During one of them my blood pressure dropped really low and my body was just in freakout mode for a few days after the surgery. Like, I had to have a few EKGs and a cardiologist check me out cause my heart rate was high (the EKGs came back fine, though, and the cardiologist couldn’t find anything wrong) and they were worried about my kidneys at one point. I think my body was just under a lot of stress from the type of surgery and the conditions beforehand (I had been sick for one, but also the prep required being totally cleaned out and I think I was dehydrated because of that).

Have you ever heard of Leonard Cohen? Doesn’t ring a bell.

Pancakes or flapjacks? Aren’t they the same thing?

What kind of computer are you on? I’m on my Macbook Air. 

Do you eat Chinese food? If so, what's your favorite dish? I like chow mien, egg rolls, potstickers, and crab rangoon. 

What are you usually doing at midnight? Either scrolling through my social medias, reading, or watching TV.

Have you ever developed feelings for a friend, but you were already with someone? No.

If so, how did it turn out?

Give me your brief definition of love. I don’t wanna.

What is the most beautiful part of the human body, male or female? Hmm. Eyes.

What kind of shoes do you wear? Adidas.

What is the worst thing you've ever done when you were really angry?I just get really frustrated and upset and I shut down and cry. Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what? My pain medication. And for the next 10 days this antibiotic. It’s bad because I’ve had it since yesterday for an infection I’ve had for at least two weeks that we know of and the reason why I’ve been feeling sick, but I’ve yet to take it. :X I can’t be a normal human who can take pills, I have to crush mine and I’m dreading how horrible that’s going to be. I’m used to my pain medication at this point and it’s not really that bad. But more than that, it has to be spaced apart from my pain medication because it possibly can increase the intensity of my pain med, potentially causing breathing problems, so I’m like oh yay that sounds fun. Sigh. My doctor insists it’s fine, especially with my dosage, but it was scary to find that out. It’ll most likely be fine, but I’ve gotten so paranoid about stuff in recent years that I didn’t used to be about before. I want to start feeling better, but ugh. :/ I’m gonna take the plunge in like an hour. 

Do you like the smell of coconuts? I do. Not the taste, though.

What is the heaviest you think you can lift? 5lbs? haha.

Do you take Tums? Nah, I just take Pepto. I’ve taken them in the past, but they’re chalky and disgusting and sometimes made me gag, so bleh. Apart from their intended purposes, it had been recommended to me by a doctor to take them for increasing calcium cause they have a lot of that, but yeah I didn’t do that much.

Have you ever walked on a pier at the beach? Yes. 

How about under one? No.

At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I think when I was like 9.

Do you feel that way around anyone now? No. It’s been a few years since I’ve felt that or had feelings for anyone in the romantic sense. What does that feel like again?

Do you ever talk to yourself or think deep thoughts while on the toilet? I think about stuff, sure.

Do you ever sing to yourself? Yeah.

What is a sound that relaxes you? Certain ASMR triggers and ocean sounds.

How hard has it been to reach your main goal in life? I don’t even know what I want to do in life.

Do you remember the song about hoes in different area codes? Yeah.

What is your main heritage? I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know? I get kinda confused with what that is, exactly.

What kind of pickles do you prefer, if you like pickles? Dill pickles. 

What kind of cheese do you prefer, if you like cheese? I love a lot of different cheeses. I just love cheese.

If you could have a sea creature as a pet, what would you want? Nah.

How about a farm animal? Nah.

So, do you have hoes in different area codes? No.

What is the most annoying song you can think of that came out recently? Nothing comes to mind. I haven’t been listening to music lately, though.

What is a song that you hate to admit you like? I don’t hate to admit that I like any song I like.

What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? Uhhhh.

Do you ever use Urban Dictionary? I’ve used it, but not regularly.

Do you find the definitions on there to be generally funny or stupid? Both.

What comes to your mind when you hear the word 'transformation'? A big change.

What was something you regularly played with as a child? Barbies.

Have you ever given in to peer pressure? Yes.

What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? My back.

Do a lot of people check you out when you're in public? Ha, no. No one does. 

What is a good name for a turtle? *shrug*

Can you imitate any accents well? If so, which one(s)? Nope.

Do you like having your ear nibbled on? I haven’t experienced that.

What makes a good kisser a good kisser? I don’t know. It’s not sloppy? lol. How many times a year do you have a family thing? We haven’t had a big family get together in years.

What are the best things to put in a smoothie? I’m a very simple gal, I just liked strawberries and bananas. Unless I went to Jamba Juice where they add stuff and you can add extras like a protein or caffeine shot or something. 

Do you ever eat with your eyes closed and just focus on the taste? Nah.

What do you dislike most about where you live right now? My city is crappy.

Has anyone ever given you a rose/roses? No.

Are you watching your weight? I need to be gaining weight, I’ve needed to for the past few years now, but I’ve been unsuccessful.

Have you ever become really good friends with someone you found online? Yes. I used to have several close online friends back in the day. Also, I personally love our little survey community on here. We support each other in some way or another and keep up with each other’s lives through our surveys. 

What makes your best friend your best friend? She’s my mom and my rock and has always been there for me. I couldn’t do it without her.

Do you have a drunk uncle? No.

Do you hear weird noises in your house at night? No. I usually have headphones on, though.

What is something you do that is generally more like something the opposite sex does? Uhhh. I don’t know if there is something I do like that. Not that I can think of.

What is the girliest thing you do, if you're a girl? I don’t know. 

What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen? That’s hard to say. There’s a lot of really cool tattoos. 

Have you ever created anything artistic that you're proud of? If so, what? I’m not crafty, artistic, or creative, sadly.

Do you only eat the middle of the oreo, if you eat oreos? I eat the whole thing, but of course the creme is the best part.

Do you know anyone with a huge ego? Yes.

If so, is there anything else about them you actually like? They’re very intelligent and would do anything for their loved ones.

Do you have any friends who are more like siblings to you? I don’t have any friends.

If so, what about them do you like most?

What do you like on your hotdogs, if you eat hotdogs? Ketchup and mustard. It’s very rare that I’m eating a hotdog at all, though. It’s been years since I’ve had one.

What is everyone else in your house doing right now? My dad is getting ready for work, but my mom and brother are sleeping.

How long do you think it would take you to run a mile? Pfffft. That’s not happening.

Look down. What do you see? My blanket I’m wrapped up in. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Politics. 

What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? I like talking about any of my interests. 

What kind of mood were you in most of today? It’s only 6:37AM.

Has anyone ever walked in on you naked? Nooo.

Tell me an inside joke you have with someone. Nah.

What is the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally? Ghosting those I was close to. :/

How do you feel now about the first person you ever dated? I don’t feel anything towards them anymore. I don’t have any bad feelings or anything, it’s just been almost 15 years since then and we haven’t even been in each other’s lives in a decade now and I’ve long since moved on. 

How about the last person (your last ex)? I don’t have any bad feelings towards him either. I’ve moved on years ago as well.

What is the best invention ever invented? There’s been so many.

What is something that needs to be invented? I’m too tired to think of something.

What always makes you burp? It just happens. 

What are you doing tomorrow? Same stuff, different day.

[descendantofthesparrow]

Remember your past life - Prince! Harry Hook x Chosen Knight! Reader - part 4

=

Jane Darling sighed as both Harry Hook and (y/n) were hurriedly taken into her little doctor's office, but quickly stood when noticing both of their noses bleeding, faces pale, and shaking.

“What happened?!” she exclaimed, quickly setting into full doctor mode, letting Jay and Gil set the two unconscious teens on the beds.

“We don’t know” Uma hurriedly said, looking frightened for her dear friend “I just heard Harry screaming in pain and yelling for me and I walked into his room and-and…he passed out with blood gushing from his nose”

Jane spoke up softly, giving her piece in finding (y/n) “I just found her on the floor, I think she hit the ground hard too, she has a bruise forming on her head, her nose was also bleeding when I found her”

Jane listened intently as she examined Harry, Danny ,her little brother, looking at (y/n).

‘it seems that their memories are returning to them at a fast rate, but dangerously fast, I need a way to slow it down’

Jane bit her lip, doing all she could to stabilize Harry, before moving to (y/n), a million plans going through her mind.

‘no that wouldn’t work, wait maybe-no- shit I need to think of something quick or we might lose them to madness’

Finally, minutes later she had stabilized them both, their faces finally returning to normal color and the breathing normal as well.

“Okay so” Jane started, exited the room, seeing the vks and Jane leaning on the wall, perking up when she emerged “they are both stabilized, and should make a full recovery”

The tension removed itself, Uma's shoulders sagging as she sighed in relief “thank Hades, got any clue what happened?”

“I believe it might be a brain problem, I can't pinpoint it yet, but I might have a way to prevent it from happening again” Jane struggled to explain, not truly knowing what was happening but she had a hunch. 

Uma raised her brow, tilting her head “really, how?” Jane shrugged “don’t know how exactly but I have a hunch, best-case scenario, the headaches will cease and they’ll go back to living normally”

Uma nodded wearily, but she trusted the doctor, Jay stood, saying his thanks and leading Jane out the door, Gil stared longingly at the door before Uma guided him outside.

Jane sighed, walking back into the room and seeing Danny staring at her expectantly “so what's the plan Jane, they’re memories are returning too fast, and at some point it’ll be more damaging than helpful for us”

Jane sighed, brushing a lose hair back into her bun “i dont know, i was hoping you would think of something?”

Danny nodded looking at the sleeping teens. “maybe….maybe we could edit what triggers their memories? Because right now it seems to be more, just randomly pop up but not leave any lasting memories, it's like Deja Vu for them, so maybe we could…make it like It was for us? Remember how we got all our memories back?”

Jane nodded, it had happened a handful of years after her first visit to Neverland, and after Parker, Peters son, had been born. his snarky attitude and his odd skill at archery had kick started their memories of the forgotten kingdom

Her eyes widened, “I got it!” rushing past Danny, she grabbed some pixie dust “as you said, we'll edit what triggers their memories, now instead of just showing up as dreams or random flashes with mind-numbing headaches, a specific thing will happen that will activate a memory, but minus the headache” 

Danny hummed, taking some of the dust “and pixie dust will help with that?” Jane nodded and grinned, taking a handful for herself “yep, but this isn’t just any old pixie dust, its dust from the great fairy from the kingdom.”

Danny grinned “oh yeah! it changes elements on clothing right? it does the same for people too?” Jane nodded, remembering the great fairy dust could also heal injuries, it had also been used as medicine years ago when it was in greater supply.

“Right” Jane focused, sprinkling the dust over the young prince’s head, he twitched, before settling back into a deep sleep once more “now we pray to Soran that it worked”

=

Harry awoke hours later, the sun beginning to set, groaning lightly he sat up, freezing as another figure sat up as well, rubbing her head.

it was the (h/c) girl…(y/n) if he remembered correctly.

“wha’ happened ta yeh?” Harry asked the girl jumped whipping around to face him (e/c) meeting ocean blue.

she stayed silent, simply staring at him. Harry raised his brow “quiet one aren't yeh? tha’s fine” the girl shrugged at him, glancing down at her fingers.

“well,” Harry sighed, looking out the window, “seems like we are gonna be here for a while…” he turned back the girl, sticking his hand out “i’m Harry, Harry Hook”

the girl shyly smiled, reaching out and grasping his hand (Harry twitched slightly at the shock that ran though his body when his skin met hers), nodding at him, before miming writing on something. Harry looked around, opening the nightstand between the two beds, opening the drawers smirking when he found a pen and notepad. Digging it out, he handed it to the girl, who nodded in thanks and started to write.

she handed it to Harry, who read ‘my name is (y/n) (l/n), it’s nice to meet you Harry Hook’

he smirked, nodding at (y/n) “nice ta meet yeh too (y/n). So what happened to have yeh end up in ’ere?” (y/n) reached for the note pad, Harry handing it back as she did

quickly scribbling on it, she turned it around for harry to read. ‘headache, really bad one, passed out with my nose bleeding’

Harry's brows shot up, “huh that's odd, same thing happened ta me?”

(y/n) tilted her head, what? the same thing? writing quickly she let Harry read. ‘are you serious? that's strange, that's the second time this has happened’

 “second time?” Harry muttered, “what do yeh mean it's the second time?”

(y/n) quickly wrote out what she wanted to say, flipping the notebook around once again for Harry to read. ‘remember yesterday? just after I got my headache, you got yours, but you passed out while I didn't?’ 

Harry nodded, the memory flashing through his mind “aye, I remember now, that is really weird now that I think about it”

“it seems you two are getting along” Harry and (y/n) jumped, turning to see the school nurse, Jane, smiling at them from the door “that's good, so I want you two to stay overnight, and I'm ordering a couple more days off for recovery alright?” Harry and (y/n) glanced at each other, before nodding. Extra couple days off would be awesome.

“good, alright now Danny is going to bring in your dinner, and then I'm going to set up the tv and stuff so you’re not just sitting in silence, okay?”

Harry grinned “sounds perfect doc” (y/n) shrugged, slipping back down to lay on her back.

“I'll keep it on low volume for you sweetie okay” (y/n) nodded, glancing back at Harry for a moment before closing her eyes.

Jane nodded, letting Danny come through with dinner, which (y/n) shot back up at, staring hungrily at the plates.

Harry snickered at her face “starving lass?” (y/n) nodded, drooling slightly as Danny handed her a plate. Harry nodded thanks as he took his own plate, immediately inhaling it.

Jane wrote a few things on her little board and nodded “alright I'll see you two in the morning, sleep well”

Danny followed her sister out the door, looking back at the two teens.

‘oh I hope the dust worked’ he thought, closing the door behind her.

well, the only thing left to do was to wait and see what happened.

and hope the prince and his knight regained all their memories. 

--end of part 4--

@dpaccione​

also thanks @marichat4lyf​ for beta reading!!! 

(11/11/2021; Edits made to fic, Susan and Lucy were switched out with new characters to fit the entire thing more, i felt that Edmund didn't fit with Ravalli anymore, so now Ravalli is Parker Pan) 

[pollylynn]

“I thought you said you didn't want to be attached at the hip?” —Richard Castle, In Plane Sight (7 x 21)

Title: Penelope Rating: T WC: 1300

It’s unbelievable the way the world goes on after the plane finally lands. After she knows they’re safely, literally on the ground, then in a car speeding along on the wrong side of the road, everything still goes on, even though she feels absolutely ready to drop.

She can’t though. She can’t give in to the sudden, intense pull of gravity and lay her head on her desk or burrow into the highly suspect cushions of the break room couch, because there’s paperwork to do. There’s all of the things she put on hold for hours while she waited for the plane carrying her heart to fall from the sky.

She gets through it, though. She weathers the hearty smiles and back slaps and nods vigorously as people tell her she must be so relieved. So relieved, she says and gets back to work, to the things keeping her from home and the t-shirt of his she curls up in when he’s gone.

She watches the clock incredulously. It drags its hands in maddening fashion, then rushes forward, seemingly out of the blue. She strains to open her eyes wide enough to do the math. New York plus five, she murmurs to herself, and there’s a moment when it just makes no sense. There’s a moment when she’s shaking all over and tears are pricking her eyes, and she just can’t figure it out.

But she does figure it out—the math, the timing—and she finishes what needs finishing. She dots her last i and crosses her last t, and she is out of there. She is setting the land-speed record for the distance between the precinct and the loft. She is home. She has her key in the lock and something that’s been nagging at the back of her mind for hours now is suddenly launched forward.

“Martha!” She’s missing time. She is outside the door, and then she is in. She is enfolded in Martha’s crazily patterned, vibrantly colored arms. She is surrounded by the scent of her, powder and perfume and a hint of the sachet she keeps in her chest of drawers.

“Katherine, what you must have gone through!” she exclaims as they cling  to one another. “The absolute agony!”

“You know,” Kate says, over and over. It’s all she can muster because somewhere in the missing time there was the possibility that his mother didn’t know—hadn’t known any of it—and she was going to have to recount it all, start to finish. But she doesn’t have to. Martha knows.  

“Yes, yes. Oh, darling, yes. I know all about it.” She’s almost laughing. She’s almost at the same edge of exhausted hysteria that Kate is. They sink to the couch together, and she’s so grateful to not be alone in it. “They called me on the—oh, the video call. It was all over by then, and to see their faces! And now I just—well I just feel like I have to live through half a dozen heart attacks in a row to catch up with where you must be.” She holds Kate’s hands tight in her own.

“I told him to go.” It’s another nagging thing that bursts abruptly out into the world. “He thought—because of the time he was gone. He tossed the invitation without even telling anyone about it, and when I found it, I told him—” She’s a wreck, remembering how they’d bickered. How he’d said she was trying to get rid of him, and half meant it.  “I told him to go, and Martha, if something had happened—”

“But it didn’t.” Martha snaps instantly back to herself. She takes Kate by the shoulders and looks at her dead on. “Nothing happened to them, and you were right to tell him to go.” She tilts her head, daring Kate to interrupt. “Richard needs to step back into his own life. He needs to move on from the time he missed.”

“I know,” Kate says quietly, and she does know, but there’s  nothing quite like hearing it from a force of nature—from Martha, whose heart might’ve fallen from the sky today, too. But it didn’t. It didn’t. “He knows, too.”  

“Well, then. If I know Richard, he’ll have already worked this. . .” She gestures, conjuring up the word. “This escapade into his speech.”

“His speech!” Kate casts a panicked look at her watch. She can’t make sense of the numbers. She can’t make sense of the math. “Martha what time . . . what time is it in London? I was supposed to—he was going to call, or I was going to—”  

There’s a chirping sound from the bag that sits, forgotten, just inside the door. She pops to her feet and makes a dive for it—a dive for the iPad inside. She flips it open and somehow remembers how to accept the request. His face appears, pixelated, then resolving into familiar features.

“Hey sexy, wanna have some fun?” He freezes mid–eyebrow waggle as he spies Martha laughing somewhere over her shoulder. “Mother. Hi. Hello.”

“Hello, darling,” Martha singsongs and blows him a kiss. “Goodnight, darling. I’ll leave you two to your fun.”

Kate dashes, cheeks ablaze, through the alcove and into the bedroom. “Wait!” she says. “I need to get out of these—“ She gestures at her clothes. Her image tilt’s crazily in the upper corner of the screen.

“Yes!” He nods like a drinking duck. “Out, out, damned clothes!”

He’s disappointed, though, when she leaves him staring up at the ceiling as she hastily shucks pants, blouse, underthings, hardly taking time even to fold them on the chair. He provides running commentary that stops abruptly when she grabs for the iPad and it travels up her bare thighs to the hem of his t-shirt and continues on to the low drape of the neck.

“You were saying?” She arches an eyebrow.

“I miss you,” he says, abruptly sweet and longing. “Wow.” His hand scrubs over his heart, and she knows how he feels. She understands the physical pang that runs so much deeper than this silly, clumsy flirting. “I really miss you.”

“Me too.” She climbs on to the bed, his face rocking on the screen and hers along with it. “A lot.” She smiles at him and feels the thump of her pulse, the warm, heavy feeling that goes all the way out to her wrists, her ankles. “But it was good?”

“It was great.” He lights up. He talks a mile a minute about how he winged the whole thing. She listens, nodding and laughing and drinking him in. He’s jet lagged to hell and back. His normally impeccable grammar is frayed at the edges, but he looks closer to whole than he has in months. “And I just had them right in the palm of my hand!”

“I’ll bet you did!” She grins with her head heavy on the pillow. She’s too tired, too grateful, too lonely for him to give him a little bit of a hard time like she usually would. “I’m really glad for you, Castle.”

“I’m glad, too.” He shifts modes again, from the electric high of positively owning a tough crowd to the unguarded intimacy of earlier. “I’m glad I came. Even with everything. Even though I miss you, like—a lot. I’m glad you . . .”

“Pushed you out the door?” she’s quoting him, teasing him, missing him like crazy.

“That.” He laughs. He sighs and stares out of the screen at her, a sappy smile on his face. “I’m glad you did that.”

“Me, too.” She reaches out to trace her fingertip along his cheek. His eyes close as though he can feel it across the miles, across an ocean. “Even with everything, I’m glad.”

images via homeofthenutty

[allstarsstorymode867]

All-Stars -Story Mode- [CHAPTER 15] Part 1

All done with the first part, I was originally gonna have @edward-richtofen-queen to edit this out but she wasn’t feeling well, I wish her well and a good of luck.

-Chapter 15- -Now we are back to Cuphead and Mugman-

I can see

When you stay low, nothing happens

Does it feel right?

Cuphead had never felt this strong before when he wore the bandolier from WWII after the Colonel had managed to take it off of Mumgan, he wasn’t sure why his eyes are sky blue and feeling more courageous than before but he must make the best of it.

Late at night

Things I thought, I put behind me

Haunt my mind

Mugman uses his blast again on the ruthless Helghast colonel as he had always remember how this goes with the Devil’s debtors when they had refused to give up their soul contracts but with him facing a Helghast who is a ruthless and cold colonel who knows nothing about mercy.

I just know there's no escape now

Once it sets its eyes on you

But I won't run, have to stare it in the eye

Blast had missed Radec as he stepped to the side quickly while he took out a grenade, pulling  then throwing it at Mugman and saying “Try avoiding this attack, Mug.” to him before taking a stand on his feet before powering up the StA-X6 Jetpack.

Mugman shouted as he jumped out of the grenade’s blast range when it exploded with a start but what he heard next was Radec saying “Expect no mercy!” before he felt a punch hitting the side of his head, causing cracks to appear and leaking as his HP is rendered to 1%.

Stand my ground, I won't give in No more denying, I got to face it

“Mugman!” was the second thing that Mguman had heard and this time, it’s Cuphead rushing to help him but was stopped by Radec who had flown in front of him as he got between him and his injured brother. “You lack skill.” Radec said as he levitates above the ground due to the jetpack.

Won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside If I don't make it, someone else will stand my ground

Cuphead stood his ground for this as he had felt unfamiliar anger rising up, he then heard a familiar voice in his head as he grinds his teeth.

Don’t let him get to ya, Kiddo, stand your ground for this one.

“I was going to say the same thing about you!” Cuphead splattered out as he readies himself with the finger gun as Radec growled as the thrusters roared with fire.

(Drawn traditionally by Tori who goes by TikTak on Discord but also goes by @this-person-is-slowly-dying on Tumblr)

Wait for it, wait for it….

Cuphead stood still as Radec begins his charge at the cup who stood still on his feet, waiting for the right moment to strike him until U!Dempsey’s voice declared Now!

Cuphead didn’t once hesitate to get the heck out of the way for Radec as he solared passed him. He then opened fired on the jetpack on his back, it burst into flames as Radec landed on his feet and quickly realizes that his jetpack had been damaged due to the noises that is making with the sputtering and rumbling it’s sounded.

He quickly took it off of his back then let’s it drop to the stone floor before running away to hear an explosion behind him, looking back and seeing a fire and a black blown mark where the StA-X6 jetpack stood laid for a moment. Getting out the StA-3 Stova Light Machine Gun once more as he looked at Cuphead once again.

“Primitive... but effective” the Colonel admitted it as he had found Cuphead’s attack quite impressive, reminded him of battles with the ISA in attempted invasion to take Veltka but this kiddo, this cup, is something different, more different than his brother.

“You’re a colonel, how weren’t you not expecting this?” Cuphead jabbed, “If you are that cold blood, you could’ve at least take on all of us without your men ya know.”

Mugman is holding the crack on his head as he slowly got back on his feet shaking, looking over his shoulder to see him and Radec having a stand off against each other. “I could,” he bluffed, “I am the Scolar Visari’s bodyguard and the Hound of Visari, you will be taken back to Helghan for the war, for the glory of my people.”

“Says the Devil who had used us to get the soul contracts after believing that he would spare our souls over theirs then you’re in the wrong place, buddy!” Cuphead rebuked as the light on his finger tip grew brighter with red color.

“Don’t,” Radec threaten, pointing the gun at something…. Or someone before finishing with “Toy with me.” before firing at Mugman who jumped suddenly before falling hard on the ground, hitting his head on the stone floor that made the crack bigger.

Bendy was shocked as he watched the whole thing unfolded before him as Cuphead turned to look at Mugman in horror and shock as he gasped “Mugs!” and attempted to run to his help but a bullet from the StA-3 Stova Light Machine Gun to stop, for him to turn back to Radec with a growling glare from his eyes.

“That’s it.” Bendy muttered in anger under his breath, his eyes turning red with a boiling rage then looked at the entrance where Trace and Frisk had escaped to and shocked to see that it’s Frisk, looking at him and what he can tell from their expression; they had seen the whole thing too.

And it appears that they had an idea as well, from what Bendy can tell from a notepad Frisk had and the whole plan they had came up is written on it. Bendy had read very little word on it and then nodded with a thumbs up.

Cuphead is glaring at Radec as the Helghast aimed the rifle at him, “Your last chance to join.” he said, “Surrender now.” while Cuphead had clenched his fists so tightly, he thought that they had turned white.

Before anyone could do anything to anyone else, a rock suddenly been thrown and then hits Radec on the back. Making him turn around to see who had done it and saw that it was Frisk who did it, “F-Frisk?! What are you doing?” Cuphead stuttered as Radec turned the gun away from Cuphead to aim at Frisk instead.

Frisk, who remained calm, takes off and puts down the rucksack gently on the ground while they’re still keeping their glaze on him. Radec lowered the StA-3 Stova LMG a little when he felt like they had something planned for him, he then asked “What are you doing-?” but was cut off by the Human child putting up a “On hold” gesture with their hand. A music began playing somewhere as Frisk began…. Dancing??

やあ！　忘れたかい！　あの時！ みんな裏切った！　逃げた！

(Hi! I forgot! At that time! Everyone was betrayed! ran away!)

That left Radec and Cuphead even more confused when Frisk shown off the dance moves they had learned thanks to Mettaton, doing the Lock Step, Moonwalk, Natural turn, Open turn, Outside Partner step, Outside turn, Reverse Turn, Rond, Telemark and all other moves that Cuphead had never seen before.

ヘイ！　聞いてんのかい！ 今日限りに　お亡くなり チャンスは　もう二度とない！

(Hey! Do not listen! As long as today The chance is never again!)

Frisk can already remember fighting Mettaton but not actually fighting him, more likely reducing him to a harmless state on a show as it gets a lot more views by the second until it had gotten the greatest reviews.

来ない チャンスは　もう二度とない！

来ない チャンスは　もう二度とない！

みんな見つけた？　アトラクションは終わり 夜の記憶以外　残らない何も

(do not come The chance is never again!

do not come The chance is never again!

Did you find everyone? The attraction is over Nothing but the night's memory)

“What are you doing, child?” Radec finally questioned after seeing this human child dancing for about ten minutes, Frisk then looked at Radec in response and then said

*Distracting you.

“Distracting-?” Radec didn’t have time to finish when he heard a loud thumping from behind him as he turned around to see Bendy, Ink Bendy in Level 2 form, hits him in the head, causing him to be thrown all the way to a wall and hits it on impact. He weakly stands back up and sees Ink Bendy right in front of him, he threw a punch at him then another and then used both his fists to bring down a another blow onto the Helghast Colonel in pain.

“That not possible…” Radec grunted as he felt a wave of pain washed over him like a flood, “Believe it, it’s over.” Cuphead added, saying it is an insult to add to injury, “You’re finished.”

“And to make sure that you won’t get away,” Ink Bendy’s voice was distorted when it chirped, having tentacles made out of ink and wrapped around him tightly like a rope behaved as a snake obeying it’s dark master.

Radec struggled to free himself from the blob of ink, Ink Bendy then slowly turned back into his normal toon self. Cuphead looked at him and Bendy looked at him back before smiling a big grin, the Cup did the same until they both heard a groan, they turned to see who had groaned until Cuphead was the fastest one to look and yelled “Mugs!”

Bendy stood back to watch Radec to make sure that he doesn’t do anything fishy while Frisk ran to their rucksack, picks it up and then runs over to his side with Mugman who had plomped his back against the wall.

“Cups?” he groaned out as he holds onto his head to prevent it from leaking more, Cuphead looked at the cracks that Radec had made and they are nearly all over his head. “Wow, he…. He got you good Mugs.” Cuphead stuttered, trying to find something for him to say for Mugman to feel comfortable.

*You are in quite a predicament in his situation. *Then you’d remember the scarf you had found earlier before Radec caught up to you guys. *try to wrap it around his head as a temporary bandage?

                                 >[Yes]                               [No]

                                                    >[Yes]<

Frisk gently wrapped around the Mug’s head like a nurse treating an injured patient that had gotten a war injury. It loop over his head two times before tying it under it his head.

*Like out of the blue, you are feeling drunk all of sudden. *Almost to the point that you had forgotten everything but a few memories left behind. *Just an endless drinking haze to drown those memories to forget the painful you hated the most.

*You are filled with… reminiscence

Mugman’s eyes had changed into ocean blue color, he groaned as he rubbed his head and rubbed it with his hand, “Oh… My head and my behind…. What happened?”

“You were knocked over by Mael Radec, hit your head on the floor and reduces your HP to 1%, Mugs.” Cuphead explains this as he holds the crack on his brother to feel the leaks but none so far, thankfully.

“Really? But I feel like I had a hangover after drinking too much.” Mugman replied when Trace peeks through the entrance where Frisk had came in, looking to them and to Radec in surprise.

“Hey!” she said as she runs over to them in a worried pace, kneeling down as well and looking at Mugman, “What happened?” she asked.

*You had to retell her what had happened with their battle with Mael Radec. *Then you had to use the scarf they had found to stop the leaking.

Trace listened closely as she looked Mugman, “All this happened when we were-” then heard unfamiliar sounds from the entrance, coming closer to where they had come in to see who was singing that lullaby. Trace kinda got up and said “I don’t wanna be here if he had sent friends here.”

“If he did, you better get going before they get here.” Cuphead said as he stood up, readying the finger gun again, “Best find an alternate route back to your dad, I hope we’ll bumped into each other again when we get the chance.”

Trace giggled rather nervously, and then said “Don’t worry, I had been here for two days so I will find my way back here.” when she nodded before running off to the second entrance and disappeared into the darkness when the running feet from the first entrance is getting much louder.

Frisk stood up and got out the stick, ready to defend if Cuphead was weakened from the enemy’s attacks, Bendy is ready to fight as well but he had to make sure that Radec doesn’t go anywhere and if he had called in back up.

They are getting closer while they took a deep breath, ready to scream as they can hear them coming near and then from the entrance was…..

P!Dempsey, Scarlett, Erron Black and Miss Pauling had come in with weapons ready to use, causing to let out a sigh out in relief upon seeing the humans instead of Helghast. The four looked over to Mael Radec and saw him stuck inside the blob of ink and he was still struggled to break out of it. “I’ll be damned, they got him before we can.” he said, amazed to the point.

“It was a long story.” Cuphead said as he stood down with relax to know that they had managed to survive through a camp owned by the Helghan Empire but surprised quickly when Dempsey looked at the bandolier that Cuphead was wearing across his chest.

The first words that uttered out of his mouth were “Where did you get that?”

Cuphead looked at the bandolier and back to Dempsey with an eyebrow raised but Erron had spoken up as he looked around then at Mugman and Frisk when he said “And from what I can recall, you must be the kids I had helped out, yeah?”

                                       >[Yes]                        [No]

                                                       >[Yes]<

Erron looked Frisk and then at Mugman as he raised an eyebrow then looked over to Bendy and said “Did you trapped that Colonel?”

“Yep.” Bendy answered without hesitation, as he looks at Radec.

“Lucky guess.” Erron said as he walks over to the trapped Colonel while he got one revolver out and then stopping in front of him, making Bendy to step out of the way to make way for the Outworlder to aim the gun at him and wanted to be sure that Radec is looking at him and the weapon he had in his hand.

“Karma’s was coming to get you eventually, just wanted you to know that.” Erron said as his eyes are trained on Radec’s, “Why are you doing this?”

Colonel Radec had said until he spoke “My sole purpose in life; is to serve and protect Helghan from opposing forces like you all, UCA, ISA but this planet… You all are that threat against us and I haven’t knowledge what was to come until now. My capture would bring me shame from Helghan if they knew this.” “Oh trust me,” Dempsey said as he walked to Erron’s side and pointed a MR6 at him as well, “It will be a lot more by the time we’re through with you.”

“Still,” Scarlett said, making Radec to turn and look at her before she continues to say “I am not so why all of this was over Miss Pauling here, even those that are involved are children, truly children despite two of them are a cup and a mug.”

“Taking Colonel prisoner is now accomplished, now for answers from-” but then Miss Pauling was interrupted by an explosion from above them, making them all look up at the ceiling.

“What was that ...?!” Miss Pauling babbled, Radec listened closely on the noise from above before saying “Something else is happening up there, we must return to the surface.” and for the first time, he had realized something else is going on this planet.

“Let get up there then!” Cuphead suggested as he puts up the finger gun once again but then turned over to Mugman before running over to him while Erron and P!Dempsey looked at each other before looking at Bendy.

“Ya think you could be able to carry this Colonel, Bendy?” Erron asked, Bendy points to himself as he looks at both directions, “Can ya?” Dempsey asked next.

“I… I think I can, if he drowns then it doesn’t matter if he had, right?” Bendy answered hesitantly, Erron nodded as he thought “This devil may not be Ermac but he’ll do.”

“Just a sec…” Bendy said as he then barely morths back to his Level 2 form winch surprises everyone around him, even Cuphead aimed the finger gun at him as he remembered his and brother’s encounter with him for the first time.

“I don’t think that you-”

“I can, you Helghast demon.” Bendy’s voice had turned back with distorted when he sneered, picking him up and threw him over his shoulder just as Cuphead then returns back to Mugman and then puts his arm over his shoulder and a hand on his side.

“Wow, he looks pretty bad,” Miss Pauling said as she looked at him, “Better get him to the Medic.”

“Indeed.” Scarlett said as she placed her hand on her shoulder, “Besides, I hope Richtofen will be able to explain the whole….” as she looks at P!Dempsey as he walks out of the room, Erron, Bendy and Radec behind him. “The “double” part to my team.”

“If we take care of what was going on up there first.” Miss Pauling replied as she cocks the pumb of the shotgun as she turned over to Frisk, Cuphead and Mugman. “You three are safe with us, come on!” she said as she turned and then jogs after them, Frisk nods before going to help Cuphead carry Mugman out of the Caverns, back to the place of their captivity.

[braincoins]

Allura skirted around the whole “I’m an alien princess” thing. She put it as having a power she hadn’t known about, which was true. She did also demonstrate her shifting ability for them, returning to her true form. It was... weird, to do it around people who weren’t Takashi or Coran. She was still a little wary - they work at Galra! - but she trusted Shiro. 

More than that, they had to do something. She’d been worrying for all this time about protecting her love, about keeping him safe. She’d thought that just keeping him from crime-fighting would be enough. She’d thought that, so long as he was with her, he was safe. 

She looked at the arm, sitting on the coffee table in the living room. I was wrong. If he could be hurt that badly here, where he should have been at his safest, then the only way to protect him was to deal with Zarkon and Dr. King directly. I won’t let you hurt him again. I won’t.

But for now, their new allies were being brought up to speed. Ulaz looked especially interested in quintessence, perhaps a touch unnervingly so. Krolia seemed sympathetic and Keith just looked like he wanted to punch Zarkon straight in the face. Yeah, I think I’m going to like you, she thought as she looked at the young man. 

She and Shiro were taking turns explaining, but she had to cover most of what went on in the Galra office break-in, obviously. She tried to keep herself calm, tried to push the panic down and keep it out of her voice. Takashi took her hand in his own and gave it a squeeze; it was the only thing that kept her going. 

Keith and Krolia were able to chime in when it came to the rescue, and after that, everyone was caught up, except for...

“Just now, with the... spasms or pain attacks or whatever you want to call them,” Shiro said, “I started to get this feeling... like it was me but it wasn’t me and it was a woman, a pregnant woman, and they were torturing her. She said - I felt - that she didn’t sign up for this, that they didn’t care about the child.”

And then Krolia let out a stream of words bluer than the ocean and ended them with, “...the clinic.”

“You aren’t serious,” Keith said.

“It would make sense,” Ulaz said. Before Allura could ask, he explained, “Galra runs a low-income clinic for poor people. Basic services mostly - checkups, non-opioid prescriptions, basic sex education, birth control and free condoms.”

“I work there twice a week,” Krolia put in. “There’s flyers all over the place about studies they can take part in to earn some extra money. That’s part of why we run it: we pay for plasma donations, sperm and egg donations, and recruit people for studies.”

“But why a pregnant woman?!” Keith yelped. 

Ulaz looked to Allura. “You said you can apparently manipulate quintessence? What else can you do with it?”

“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “I’m still figuring this out.”

“Can you feel if quintessence is Shiro’s or not?”

She thought about that. “Probably. You want me to test the arm?”

He nodded and she picked it up again. It had twitched and spasmed on its own a few times since being removed, but it had been still for awhile. She closed her eyes and felt for... There. It felt like tea that had been left out to cool, like it wasn’t quite right anymore, but it was there, undeniably. “This isn’t Shiro’s,” she confirmed. She opened her eyes.

“It’s only a guess,” Ulaz mused aloud, “but they probably used this woman’s quintessence to power the arm. They took in volunteers for a study and found a way to take and trap some of her quintessence. If quintessence is ‘attenuated,’ then...”

“They caused her pain specifically to cause Shiro pain,” Allura finished, feeling pale.

“They called her back in for it,” Krolia agreed, sounding hollow. “She probably wasn’t pregnant when they took it initially - that phase of the study would have been last year - but now she is, and they just said they wanted to check on the fetus, they used it as a pretext just to get her in there.”

“You think they’ve figured out he’s Paladin?” Keith asked.

“Don’t know,” Shiro said. “But what point would there be to just making me hurt like hell?”

“If the body endures too much pain, sometimes it will just shut down,” Krolia said. “Like flipping an off switch.”

“Possibly,” Ulaz said. He was still in his contemplative mode. “But try not to think like an evil genius or a superhero.” He looked to Keith. “You have a device. The device malfunctions suddenly - badly. It is under warranty. What would you do with it?”

“Take it in to get it fixed,” Keith said instantly.

Krolia got to the point. “They wanted to lure him in. He’d either go to the ER - where they could find him easily - or come in tomorrow to have us look at it.”

Ulaz nodded. “One way or the other, they could pick him up. But I don’t think they know he’s Paladin.”

“Why not?” Allura asked. “Why else would they want him?”

“If they know anything about Paladin, it’s that he can teleport,” Ulaz pointed out. “He can just get away again.”

“Unless they have Sendak knock me back out,” Shiro replied. 

“They’d have to get Sendak to you,” Ulaz countered. “You’d see him coming and you’d be gone.”

“That doesn’t answer the other question,” Keith said. “Why bring Shiro in?”

“The Incident,” Allura replied as it came to her. “The same incident where Dr. King and her assistants lost their bodies. Shiro lost his arm in it.”

“They think there’s something they can get from him?” Krolia asked.

“That sounds more likely. But we shouldn’t discount the Paladin idea entirely,” Ulaz said. “I don’t think they know, but then I also thought Dr. King was dead.” He shrugged. “We do not know what they’re capable of. It’s good to have more theories on the table.”

“Okay but what do we do?” Keith pressed. 

Oh yes, I like you a lot, Allura decided. “We need more information.”

“I can volunteer hours at the clinic,” Krolia said. “To kind of keep an eye on things down there. Doctor, you should talk to Thace. Some way that doesn’t look suspicious. He can cover our tracks as well as dig up some dirt.”

“Do you know when he takes lunch?” Ulaz asked. “I can pretend I am finally caving to your romantic pressures.”

She snorted. “’Pretend’, my ass,” she muttered, but she nodded. “Usually at 11. Send him an email no later than 10:30 though; he normally eats at his desk, but if you ask him to join you in the cafeteria, I’m sure he’ll show up.”

“Excellent.”

“Wait, what’s going on?” Allura asked.

Shiro grinned. “Krolia’s been trying to set our good doctor up with this guy in IT for a while now.”

“For forever. They’ve got the hots for each other so bad, it’s ridiculous,” Krolia said. “And Thace is a good guy. I’ve already said I was willing to bring him in on this.”

“Anyone you bring in on this is in danger,” he reminded her.

“Yes, yes,” she said, waving his concerns away, “you went through all of this when you were still trying to pretend you were nothing but a reporter. He’ll want to help.”

“You can’t come in for checkups ever again,” Ulaz said, “obviously. And you’ll have to go back to your old prosthetic.”

“Good thing I kept it... handy.” Shiro grinned while everyone else groaned.

“I’d like to have Coran look at the arm, if you don’t mind?” Allura asked.

“Don’t see why not,” Shiro answered. She watched his face light up. “Do you think you could find the match? Like... using the quintessence in the arm, could you locate the woman it belongs to?”

“Maybe? It’s worth trying,” she agreed. “But I’m worried about her. We need to make sure she’s safe. You don’t think they’re going to just torture her and let her go, do you?”

“She won’t go to the police,” Krolia replied, sounding confident of that. “They’ll pay her well to keep her mouth shut. If she’s going to the low-income clinic, she probably needs the money badly. She’ll go through hell if it means she has money to feed herself and her baby. Trust me.”

“We have to find her then,” Shiro said. “And get her somewhere safe, somewhere they can’t find her and hurt her again.”

“Where they can’t use her against you, either,” Allura agreed. “I’ll do what I can. Coran can help me. We’ll find her.”

“Okay, so we need a way to keep in touch with each other that’s not really obvious,” Keith said. “I hang out with Shiro a lot already, so there’s that.”

“Code words! And codenames!” Krolia declared excitedly. 

“No, Mom,” Keith groaned.

“I can text the doc?” Shiro added. 

“Allura, do you ever buy Mary Kay?” Krolia asked, sweet as honey.

“No, why?”

She grinned. “I found a way to keep in touch with Allura then! And I suppose we can keep Thace in the loop through Ulaz?”

“I suppose,” she allowed.

“I don’t know any other way to do it,” Ulaz said with a shrug. “I don’t really know him that well.”

“Well, he’s hot, but you knew that,” Krolia said. Allura watched Ulaz blush. “He rides his bike to and from work, he’s a computer nerd, always playing that one game...”

“Which one game?” Shiro asked, sounding interested.

“Uh oh,” Keith said. “Mom, did you not know Shiro’s a huge nerd, too?”

“Oh, I don’t remember what it’s called,” Krolia said. “He’s got one of those super nerdy names in it, too. Noxious Killdemon or something.”

“Wait, wait... do you mean Nix Killdevil?” Shiro asked in hushed tones.

Krolia brightened. “Yeah, that’s it! How’d you know?”

“Ohhhh, I know him,” he said. “I know him real well.”

“Nerds,” Keith said, rolling his eyes. “Can you talk to him in the game?”

“If he knows to expect me?” He glanced to Ulaz. “Tell your boyfriend...”

Ulaz protested immediately, “He’s not my boyfriend!” 

Shiro just kept talking. “...to send a Strife.net message to Jiro Sunblade. I’ll be looking for him.”

“Okay, so... anything else?” Allura asked. “Shiro and I will work on tracking down the woman; Krolia will keep an eye on the clinic patients; Ulaz and Thace will get us information.”

“I’ll do what I can to keep the police off your back,” Keith put in.

“What?” Shiro asked. “What’s going on?”

“There’s a lot of grumbling about Starlight and Paladin having just disappeared. You, uh... might need to do some community outreach, as it were. Just clean up the streets a little?”

“We’re on it,” Allura declared.

“We are?” Shiro asked, turning to smile at her.

She nodded and squeezed his hand. “We’ll go out tomorrow night.” She looked back to their allies. “Starlight and Paladin will return.”

{The Adventures of Starlight & Paladin}

[holy-mountaineering]

This spread is for @luciferianme

Thank you for donating!

Tonight you’re getting the full Qabalistic Tree of Life Spread that I do and here you are. What I’m going to do is go through and briefly explain each card, its position on the Tree, and then I’ll give you a summary/synopsis of the spread as a whole.

Think of this spread as a sort of quantum map, or even the land of a regular map, everything is happening at once, in each place. It’s important to think of yourself as moving “through” the map but you are also simultaneously everywhere at once. For the sake of this specific experiment, think of this as a map.

Where we’re starting the journey from is Kether, the monad, the first sign of creation. We’ll call this your hometown, since it is where you’re from originally. Here we have the 8 of Cups, Indolence.

This is emotional stagnancy and “half fulfilled” desires. The structure and order of Saturn is pulled in two directions by Pieces. The waters have become still and a storm is on the horizon. It has been noted that the cups pictured in the card look an awful lot like ashtrays. It’s that shitty.

Try to begin to focus on emotional areas that haven’t received much attention lately unless you want them getting washed out in the storms coming. You must choose what to do in regards to moving forward emotionally or in a relationship that has become stagnant.

In Chokmah, which is like your freeway getting you out onto the road out of your hometown is the absolute wrecker of shit, both needed and unneeded, a friend of the program XVI The Tower (or War), Peh, Mars.

This is “war is hell” but mostly for the losing side. The practical interpretation of this card is something in your life that was built up and seemed really important is about to come down. This isn’t the end of the world or even the neighborhood, it’s just this ONE big thing. This is also not something of your doing per se but more of an “act of god” or an outside force.

If the Tower is in the way of your progress, boom, easy does it. If that was something that you built and liked it might be a little harder. Things being stripped down to their foundations can be great if you want to build something better and not so easily destroyed.

A thing might fall, but don’t go burning down the whole city just ‘cause this one building is going away. Your job is damage control.

In Binah, which is ruled by Saturn and for the sake of this reading we will call the first stop on your roadtrip. You haven’t really arrived anywhere but you’re stopping and getting a chance to repack your car in a more efficient way. Sitting in Binah is the 2 of Disks, Change.

This is the old saying, “The only constant is change.” This is finding stability in the aforementioned changing. In other words, when stuff gets different, strap in and hold on, steady yourself, and get ready to go into the unknown. Look a bit before you leap but understand that position is king, not appearances.

You’re building toward the unknown and pretending to know is not the kind of posturing you should bother with. Not looking for the result of the change, being in the motion, and enjoying, embracing the motion toward the unknown is where you should position yourself.

Disks are Earth, matter, the material world, your everyday life and 2s are the suit trying to formulate into something from the rawness of the Aces or the beginning of the idea of Earth. Astrologically, the influential and expanding Jupiter is in the highs and lows of the Goat-Fish Capricorn, think rollercoaster, possibly one that goes underwater. And like rollercoasters, they’re scary but probably not going to be the cause of your death. Unless they go underwater, that sounds dangerous.

This is a great time to be aware that you’re moving around and kind of always will be. Enjoy the twists and turns of the ride and don’t stress yourself about how and when it will end.

In Chesed which is ruled by Jupiter and again for the sake of this experiment we’ll say involves your influence and benevolence in your current trip is the 9 of Wands, Strength (through action)

Wands are Fire, action, behavior and the 9 is the rapidly increasing charge to the end of peak of the thing(s) being done. The 9 of Wands is like a military campaign that doesn’t have and end goal besides marching all the way through to the nearest ocean. This is no fool’s errand though, you have the resources and you’re getting more resources and thus, stronger. Astrologically this is the Sun and the Moon in Sagittarius who is the flaming arrow constantly moving through the heavens. This is the focus and reflection being pushed to action in a big way.

Gather momentum and resources to attack big issues and tasks that need to be done in your life. Use the built up force to carry you through, even if you don’t know where the F you’re going yet.

Across the Tree in Geburah, which is Mars Town, where you find your drive and what you’re trying to accomplish/conquer is the 3 of Disks, Works or Work or Working.

Like all the 3s, this is the first formulation of the suit, Earth or material world things. The 3 sided pyramid pictured on this Tarot card sits on water propelled by Dharma Wheels, spinning and causing waves. The drive and energy of the warrior Mars has become stubborn and resolute in the goat-fish Capricorn.

This idea of work is not mindless toil. This is doing the very necessary things in your life so you don’t fuck yourself over on the basic things everyone needs to survive. This is formulating the most simple workable “shape of things” that gets your at least basic needs met so you can expand and become more than basic. Put together a simple way of dealing with the material world, something that can be expanded on. Keep your wheels turning even if they feel like they’re just spinning. Make waves, they’ll go further and affect more than you think!

In Tiphareth, the Sun and center of gravity holding all this in place, the heart pumping the blood through this, your heart is the 7 of Cups Debauch.

This is Venus (beauty, personal growth) in Scorpio, the dark water where things growing aren’t seen so clearly. There is a kind of completion of a cycle in the 7s and this Seven is about “letting go” of rotten feelings and connections that have festered. This is a need for what I call “emotional composting” so let things rot out to fertilize future emotional growth. But like a compost pile, you must turn it, give it Sun, and make sure that it doesn’t get rancid.

In order to grow through the darkest of times, we have to stretch out and take in as much light so we can illuminate the darkness. Our emotional problems and trauma shouldn’t sit alone and in shadow collecting molds and stinking up the place. This darkness is a resource and should be utilized for your future growth. It is work and does take energy and labor but I assure your swimming out of this “undertow” (Scorpio) will be worthwhile work you will live to not regret.

Emotionally things might seem rotten, people might appear all shitty, but it’s just trying to become wonderful fertilizer for greater emotional maturity and better future relationships.

In Netzach, Venus town, where you have the realization about how this is going to change you as a person with a personality is a REAL friend of the program XIV ART, Samekh, Sagittarius.

This is the process of the actual Art of Alchemy, the taking apart, putting back together, and purifying. Duality is being dissolved and it’s being used as rocket fuel to project you outward into the Universe. The hermaphrodite alchemist takes the substances at her disposal and works them to make a purer more useful creation. The cauldron has a momento mori that symbolizes that death or real change is a key to dissolving.

You have to change yourself, burn away the bullshit. Break things apart to their various components so you can use the parts to build them again to be useful.

In Mercury Town Hod-ville, where all the Universities are and everyone has real intellectual shit going on is the 6 of Cups, Pleasure.

For reasons I call this the plumbing card. The water is not flowing freely as though it is pouring, it has been pumped through a series of tubes intricately woven together to fill the cups placed in the shape of a hexagram. Emotion and connectedness to life are intentionally being directed by unseen but invited forces. Someone who wasn’t looking closely could see nothing but knots and chaos and even wonder how the damn thing worked in the first place. Those people are squares and should be avoided at all costs.

Do what gives you pleasure that also instills clarity. Center on the best you can feel even if onlookers can’t appreciate what you’re doing connoisseurs (and you) will dig it.

On the Moon in Yesod, the receptive and reflective place that is alot about the feelings that you’re picking up from all this is a real motherfucker, V The Hierophant, Vau, Taurus.

This is being initiated into how things work in the material or normal world. This is the secrets of how things are and some of that is being revealed to you. This is a person, institution, or experience that is telling you “trade secrets” or how to do what you do better. 5s are the human or microcosmic number and Taurus reiterates this material theme. Once you find out how to improve yourself and your understanding of the world, you must now go out and actually use that skill. Knowledge is useless if it is not implemented in the knower’s life and behavior.

Get initiated into the cult of your sphere of interest. Learn how to improve what you do through being initiated in one way or another. Find what/who helps you to learn the “secrets” of how to do your thing better and then go out and do those things.

Down here in Malkuth-istan, the everyday life mundane, waking up pooping, and going to work world is the guiding light, the 3 of Wands, Virtue.

This is not a moralistic idea of Virtue, this is the idea of formulating a basic mode of action to build from. Virtue unto yourself and your Will, as in doing what you do because it’s what you do. Astrologically, this is Sol in Aries or springtime. This is the energy of the Sun close to Earth creating new growth from the stagnate winter. You can also read a message of centering on new growth in your life.

Create a basic plan like a farmer might for spring. You’re no sharecropper, this is your land so plant the fields only according to your Will.

You might as well start paying attention of emotional areas you’ve let go of, there are connections you’re not getting because you’ve forgot to focus on them so long that they’ve rusted. Good news is nothing tears that rust off like a lot of explosive fire and reckoning and having bullshit roasted away. Thing is, I know it’s bullshit because you’ve got an opportunity now to grab your shit and get going. Don’t focus on where you’re going, just be glad you’re moving around.

I’m sorry to say that the only answer with how to effect the changes you want is to keep on doing, but more powerfully, but simply. Do what works, seriously, do what makes the things happen, the things that are causing changes and results. And hey all that garbage that’s been sitting around is worth a lot if you just let it turn into what it’s supposed to be. You can’t hold this mess in your heart and order your SoLar system around it. It’s time to let it go and let it go through it’s natural cycle of decomposition.

The good news is that, the closer you get to “everyday life world” reality, the clearer, and dare I say, happier reality is getting it. That rotten shit will provide you with different elements and compounds you can “science up” and make better shit. You will grow how you wanna grow when you stop not using the fertilizer you’ve grown yourself!!! You wanna get your mind right? Focus on your own happiness by untangling the feelings around who you are and what give you real pleasure. You can learn a lot from what turns you on, not just sexually. When the student is ready the teacher will appear and more often than not, they’re the same person. You have to prepare yourself for initiation into the cult of You Doing You Better.

And my friend, the only way to do you better is to do YOU. Don’t worry about what people think about what you do, I assure you motherfuckers will talk shit no matter what. It is on you to do the simplest of action plans so that you can get started in this dimension of doing you, the best you can!

Ta Da!

Hit me up with any questions, comments, concerns or criticisms!

[nova-kismet]

just finished the first chapter of a quick little fic i’m writing (based on a couple of characters from the d&d homebrew campaign i’m putting together). figured i’d drop it here on the offchance that anyone would like to read it. more below the cut.

~1~               

“It has come time to serve your family once more.”

Mother’s words still tugged at the corners of my subconscious as I hitched my horse by the Market District gates. With an exhausted sigh, I pulled my plain black cloak closer to my shoulders and made my way from the stables up the darkened flagstone streets. Even for near-midnight on a Sunday, the typically busy center of Starfeld commerce seemed strangely deserted. As nice as it was to be able to make my way up the main path without having to weave through a sea of people, I couldn’t stomach another moment of quiet. At this point I was desperate for anything to distract myself from the thoughts racing through my head.

Just a few feet ahead, a weather worn wooden sign marked my destination; The Crossroads Inn. My home away from home.

A tall, iron-framed wooden door stood before me, flanked by two thick stone columns. I could already hear the soft, lilting tune of a lyre coming from within as I approached, accompanied by clinking dinnerware and muffled voices. Sounds like I had dropped by in the middle of one of Hilda’s weekly performances.

As I stepped inside, the strong scent of heady wine and cooked meats filled my nose. The flames in the gilded lanterns lining the crimson-painted walls were low, bathing the few patrons seated underneath them in a subdued orange glow. The diminutive halfling form of the lyre-wielding bard, Hilda, stood front-and-center of the room, swaying languidly with the tempo of the music that flowed from her fingers. A large stained glass window set into the middle of the ceiling reflected shimmering, multi colored light in an intricate geometric pattern on the floor with the full moon just visible beyond its surface.

I made my way straight to the counter off to the right, which was being tended by a familiar Dragonborn man by the name of Alzax. His scaly brow raised as I approached and sat down on a stool. I could tell I was about to receive an enthusiastic welcome, as I normally did, so I raised a hand to him and smiled. Understanding my intentions, he nodded and grabbed a glass from under the counter. While I normally enjoyed his exuberance, I just wasn’t in the mood for it tonight.

“Evening, Zax.” I said as he began pouring a drink. At this point, I didn’t even have to tell him what I wanted.

“Ezra! I wasn’t expecting you here tonight. How’ve you been?” He placed the white wine in front of me and leaned on his elbows as he responded. I pulled a few gold pieces out of my coin purse and laid them down for him.

“Oh, just splendid,” I replied, almost musing to myself. “This past week has been an absolute shitshow.”

Realization dawned on the red-tinged lizardfolk’s face, and he nodded. “I just heard the news today. You’re gonna end up with some Laurelian princess, right?”

“Regrettably, yes.”

“Ah,” Alzax reached across the counter and gave me a hearty pat on the shoulder as I took a long sip of my drink. “Hang in there, big guy. Arranged marriages never last anyway. And besides, I hear Laurelians are big party people. At least there’s a chance she won’t be boring.”

It took an incredible amount of willpower to keep myself focused on the conversation, as the prospect of my future (or lack, thereof) being the topic is nothing short of exhausting. My so-called “Princely Duties” were precisely what I was trying to distract myself from in the first place.

I sighed and held my head up with the heel of my palm, my other hand focused on halfheartedly swirling the glass of pale alcohol in front of me. “As much as I enjoy the notion of living out the rest of my years in eternal party mode, I think I would prefer to do something that actually matters. I couldn’t care less about some King I’ve only ever met twice at political gatherings.”

“Such is the nature of ruling a nation, my friend. If you inherit the throne, dealing with people you don’t give a rat’s ass about is going to be part of the everyday minutiae.”

“I’d rather give that responsibility to my sister. She seems more patient than I am with these things.”

At that moment, Hilda’s final song finally tapered to an end, eliciting a wave of applause from the modest number of patrons across the room. She bowed, left her tip jar and lyre on the table beside her, and sidled up to the counter, taking purchase on a stool at the other end. Alzax regarded me briefly, then moved to attend to her.

With this newfound solitude, I turned to survey the people behind me, searching for any other familiar faces. They were all strangers this time around, but a group stationed in the corner briefly caught my eye-- there were six of them sitting around two tables they had pushed together, carrying on a lively conversation, each with large steins in their hands. As my gaze passed over them, I couldn’t help but notice one of them staring at me.    

I was met with ocean-blue eyes. The emerald-skinned man making careful eye contact with me had his studded leather boots propped up on the table, his feet crossed at the ankles. Covering his shoulders was a Sea Captain’s coat, open at the chest--inky black with silver and red trim. He appeared to be Triton, which was a rare sight in Fallreven, much less so far inland. His watchful eyes made me the slightest bit unnerved, but at this point in my life I was used to people gawking. I almost had to double-take when I saw a faint, wry smirk play across his lips. Shaking it off, I turned around and went back to emptily watching my drink swirl in its glass.

About an hour passed without major incident. I was beginning to feel restless, and the alcohol sitting in my stomach didn’t help. I bid Alzax farewell and exited the inn, not sure where I was headed next. As long as it wasn’t home.

Once back out on the city streets, I walked to the nearest fenced-in platform overlooking the Twine District below and leaned on it, trying to gather my thoughts.

I knew this arrangement would happen eventually, but now its inevitability hung over my head like a dark stormcloud. I couldn’t stand the thought of having to pretend to be in love with a perfect stranger, just so we received outside help for the war with Zhilthorn. I didn’t even want to broach the subject of having kids.

But, Laurelia has what we need to turn the tides. As much as the thought irks me, I would do almost anything to put an end to this ridiculous fighting.

A few minutes passed as I stared blankly at the sprawling residential district below, the cool Autumn breeze ruffling my hair and playing at the edges of my cloak. I couldn’t help but wonder what life as a working-class commoner was like--what it would be like to wake up each morning and not have three handmaidens fussing over me, dressing me up like a doll. Perhaps a simpler life would be more fulfilling.    

I was about to make my way back to my horse when a shout from a few feet away dragged me from my quiet contemplation.

“Oi! If you were trying to be sneaky, you’re not doing a very good job of it!”

I whipped around to face the source of the voice, then was immediately tackled and pinned down by a brawny, shadowed form--almost taller than myself. As I fell to the ground with it, the sound of quick, distant footsteps pounding across the flagstone towards us met my ears. I hardly had time to recover from the initial shock before the glint of a dagger poised above my throat demanded my immediate attention.

“Fuck!” I cursed as I attempted to free my pinned arms and wriggle out from under the masked man’s crushing weight. The knife came down and I threw my head to the side to dodge it, the sharp steel making hard contact with the stone beside me. Not enjoying being pinned against the cold, hard ground, I reared back and slammed my horns into the assailant’s forehead, eliciting an agonized yell. While he was still recovering from the headbutt, I leveraged my weight against his and threw him off, finally scrambling to my feet.

Before my hand could touch the hilt of the sword sheathed at my side, a lithe figure sped up behind the attacker and pierced a rapier through the back of his throat. The would-be assassin’s hands weakly reached up to the hole in his neck as blood began to trickle down, a wretched gurgle bubbling from his mouth. The blade was pulled from his skin and wiped off with a handkerchief as the man eventually quieted and slumped to the ground, a pool of blood gathering by his head.

I let out the breath I’d been holding in through the entire scuffle, and finally got a good look at my savior--it was the Triton man I had seen at the inn just a few moments ago.

“Shit...What a terrible assassin.” I breathed, mostly to myself. After affixing the thin blade back to a belt under his coat, the Triton let out a soft chuckle.

“I’m sure you had it all handled, I was just feeling generous.” He spoke with a pleasant Northern lilt. If honey was a sound, it would be his voice.

He then reached out and brushed some of the dirt off of my cloak with the same smirk he had given me the first time I saw him. “No way he could’ve taken out a battle-hardened Prince such as yourself, hm?” Before I could open my mouth to respond, he winked at me. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell.”

Something about his face made it difficult to focus and find the right words. I instead found myself blushing under his gaze. “Th...Thanks.” was all I managed to get out. Clearly amused by my floundering, he clicked his tongue as he looked down to the corpse at our feet. “The guards’ll take care of him, right?” he quipped, an ironically light tone to his voice.       

“I should hope so.” I replied as I knelt down by the body and peeled his cape away from his chest. My suspicions were confirmed when I spotted a scroll poking out from a pocket on his hip--an illustration of a boar’s head in profile, surrounded by a wreath of thorny vines marked the heading of the parchment. The crest of one of Zhilthorn’s wealthiest families. The letter contained information for a hit and bounty on my head. Not surprising, but not really enjoyable to read with my own eyes, regardless. I sighed and pocketed the note. “I always knew the Vargharods hated me.” I muttered to myself as I straightened back up to my full height. The still unnamed man watched with a curious glint in his eye. Before he could ask any questions, I stepped closer and put a hand on his shoulder.  

“I know we were both just in there, but I believe I owe you a drink…Uh,” I trailed off, just then realizing I didn’t know what to call him.

“Arin. And don’t worry about that, friend. We--or you in particular, should probably stay sober if there could be another hitman on the loose.” he said. My hand dropped back to my side and I nodded, the shock finally wearing off, then the reality of the situation starting to set in.

“I suppose you’re right.”

“If you’re so insistent on repaying me, you could give me a ride up to the palace.” Arin continued. I looked at him for a brief moment, bewildered by his request. 

Seeing this, he pulled a folded note from his own pocket. It bore my family’s seal and the Queen’s own handwriting. “Your ma wanted to see me.” he explained, flashing the note at me.

I suppose I did remember Mother mentioning that she planned on receiving a guest sometime this week. I just nodded and started back on the road toward the Northern Gate. “This way, then.” He followed behind me without a word.     

[tatooedlaura-blog]

On the Beach

the series read as follows:

Superman … Monday … Cheezy Pouffs … Bacon … Stumbling … Trail Mix …  Punch … Friday … Preparation … Uncle Mudler … Normal … Backseat … Mudler-sense … The FBI … Unthinkable … Patience … Elephant Jokes … Cooking … Rickety Tables … Mr. Skimmer … Bert and Ernie … Midnight Confessions … The Moon … Bright Sunshine … Graying Skies … Darkened Night … Possibilities … A Thing with You … Humming and Thrumming … Warped Cosmology … The Madness of Punch … Advice … Nerves … Restless… Limits … Birthdays ... Please

@today-in-fic

____________

Mulder desperately wanted to tell Scully to lay down every chance he could, take the elevator, put her feet up, don’t jiggle their potential child.

She finally yelled at him for his hovering in a loving manner and he told her what was on his mind in a sheepish manner and she smiled in an amused manner and kissed his face, “I’m debating sitting upside down on the couch and not moving for the next two weeks so I understand completely.”

He kissed her face back.

&&&&&&&&&&

Just when she’d get used to the idea of what might be percolating inside her insides, she’d catch Mulder staring at her, look falling somewhere between sappish romantic and panicking deer in headlights. He’d notice her noticing and attempt in a failing way to look like he was sorting paperwork or signing something or sharpening a pencil, but as with all Mulder fumbling, he’d crash and burn, ending up with a grin the size of the room and twinkling eyes dropping back to her stomach region, hoping his x-ray vision would finally kick in.

They got nothing done that day or the next until finally Scully gave up, “hey, you want to get out of here?”

Mulder flopped back in his chair, sending himself several feet back on rolling wheels, “holy hell, yes. Where are we going?”

“I was thinking the beach.”

And the stars aligned and the world stopped and Mulder’s insides jumped at the prospect of the perfect surprise, “I have an idea then.”

In the car and heading southeast an hour and twenty later, “where in the world are we going to find a place to stay on the North Carolina shore at the end of August and I am not, and I repeat, not sleeping on the beach.”

“I got us covered. It’s all arranged and you will not be sleeping on a beach.”

“Are we going to be two of twelve in a house of frat boys and half-naked coeds?”

“Why? You like that kind of thing?”

She smacked him fairly hard on the arm, “don’t mess with me. I’m getting hungry.”

“Food, gotcha.”

During their six-hour drive, they talked, they slept, though not at the same time, they ate, thank God in Mulder’s opinion and he cheerfully diverted every question she asked about lodging, Scully finally dropping the subject when Mulder told her he’d leave her in the wilderness next time if she didn’t quiet down about a bed and a shower.

It was quite dark by the time they rolled into Kill Devil Hills and Scully, keeping her promise, shut her mouth and began calculating how she could get comfortable in the Jeep.

Then he turned down a familiar road, slowed at the end of it and finally stopped completely, “um, Mulder, how in the world did you manage to rent Babar with seven hours’ notice?”

“Oh, I didn’t rent her.”

“Then are we just going to sleep on the porch of whomever rented this place and hope they feed me bacon in the morning?”

“Nope.”

She really wondered why she didn’t throttle him more, “where are we staying, Mulder?”

A set of keys flew in her direction, “here.”

“You infuriate me.”

He laughed, getting out of the car and coming to her side, opening the door and reaching across her to undo her seatbelt, “come on, let me show you our house.”

Sliding to the sandy ground, she began to suspect the unsuspected, “our house?”

As he took her hand, “so I kind of bought it last time we were here.”

Concrete feet, unmoving, “you … bought … this place? With money? And paperwork? And … and … and you bought this place?”

Embarrassment overtook him for a moment as his head dropped, foot digging into the dirt, “you liked it and I liked it and then you went to autopsy that body and left to my own devices, I bought the house.”

Scully looked from him to the gray, shadowed house, the sound of the waves completing the peaceful poignancy of his purchase, “we’re going to have to clean it. It’s probably dusty.”

Sweeping her up in a hug, he didn’t squeeze for fear of displacing possibly offspring, “you don’t think I’m delusional?”

Half a lip turn upwards, idea of having a summer cottage on the ocean sinking in fast, “I never said that but I don’t have to sleep in the Jeep and for that I am truly thankful.”

Reaching for her hand again, this time holding on tight, he led her up the stairs, “come on. Let’s go see the house.” She remained silent for longer than Mulder was comfortable with and panic set in as he shuffled behind her, viewing the place they’d spent a week of their lives at with an entirely new eye. Giving her four more minutes of ear-ringing quiet, “okay, what’s wrong?” Wrong was not one of the words flowing through her brain, contemplating knowing it was his house, him calling it their house and already slipping, with ease, into thinking of it as ‘our’ house. Not sure how to deal with that just yet, she headed to the back windows, gesturing with waving fingers for him to follow. Once there, she waited until he invaded her space, pressing against her back, chin to the top of her head, resting while he asked her quietly, “are you okay with this?”

“That’s the problem, Mulder. I’m more than okay. I’m only having the slightest issue with you calling it our house and that’s kind of making me a little …”

“Wonky?” filling in the word she was searching for.

With a head nod to the affirmative, “yeah, that’ll work for the time being.”

Arms weaving around middle, hands resting twined on belly, “I was looking for the perfect way to surprise you with it and then stuff happened and things occurred but now we’re here and please tell me you like the house still and want to share it with me when we’re old and gray and I need to see you in a bikini and you are not repulsed by my balding ways.” By now, Scully’s forehead was against the glass of the window, shoulders shaking in low-key laughter and feeling her vibrating against his chest, he smiled as well as kissed the exposed long stretch of her neck, feeling warm skin beneath warmer lips, “you find me funny?”

“I find you startlingly endearing and if you keep your mouth where it is, I am going to end up doing things that we shouldn’t be doing while we’re waiting for other things to work.”

He stopped his mouth from doing more things and bunched her t-shirt up in his fists, tugging lightly, “I think we should go up to the bed and not do the things but sleep without the clothes ‘cause halfway there is halfway not.”

“Math agrees with you.”

Later on, after things were emphatically denied but clothing was definitely discarded in favor of balmy breeze over slowly cooling skin, “do you think there’s a baby in there somewhere?”

Insecure fears came out in droves with that ending question mark, “what if there is? What if there isn’t? What if all four take? What if none do and I’ve got nothing left and …? What if …” She left that last one dangling as she scrunched her eyes up, burying her head in the pillow, groaning loudly into cotton muffling, “why can’t it be two weeks from now and over and done with?!”

Mulder, not the best with words at times, decided Scully needed more touch than talk, his hand slipping lightly over her side, grazing ribs, shoulder wing a momentary stop before he wrapped his fingers gently around the back of her neck, nudging her forward until his mouth found hers, sublimating her fears with kisses and the occasional murmur of adoration.

&&&&&&&&&

The next morning, a low rumble of thunder woke him up, second pillow empty, cold to the touch. Apparently, she’d been up awhile and stretching before standing himself, he shuffle-stepped down stairs, amused he had two working legs to do it instead of scooting on his butt and a prayer. Cracking his toes just for fun, he spotted her sitting form hunched around pulled up knees, on the stairs leading off the deck. Gravitating towards her as he always did, regardless of situation and space, he made enough noise not to startle her but not enough to disturb the shadowed morning surrounding them. As he sat, his voice low, “’morning. I missed you when I woke up.”

“I don’t tend to wander too far off anymore.”

“Still missed you.”

Locking elbows with him, she settled her head on his upper arm, keeping an eye on ominous clouds rolling in the distance and churning ocean, “I missed you, too. Been thinking really hard about you waking up and here you are. Score one for psychic links.”

“You just made my week, woman.”

With a chuckle, she switched instantly to serious mode, whiplash imminent for the less practiced but Mulder kept up in stride, “sorry about last night. I let my nerves win.”

Drifting a hand to her inner knee, “I love you whatever way you are: nervous, elated, giddy, despondent, gruesome, ugly as sin covered in poo, so breath-taking I never want to blink again, and I am going to keep telling you this, over and over, until it sinks into that beautiful, thick skull of yours.” Lips to aforementioned skull, “we are us … always … whether we have a kid, don’t have a kid, get married, don’t get married … I promise to hold your hand forever and thank God, stars, mythological beings, the maker, the creator, Buddha, Allah and everything in between that I am yours and you are mine.”

“So I should just forget about it for awhile and demand breakfast?”

“Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying.”

Standing, she turned, swung a leg, settled on his lap, arms around neck, hugging his head to her chest, “I am yours and you are mine, up and through the end of time.”

“Did you just write that or did I miss some mid-century poetry in class?”

“I have a creative bone here and there.”

Looking up, he ran his tongue along her throat, two kissed pressed to warm skin, “come on, I need some food.”

[thisisnotacomp]

Best Albums of 2020

I am a little bit late posting my list this year. I put it together in mid December but been slow to get it up. Without further ado, here are the best releases of 2020 according to me:

1. Run The Jewels - RTJ4 Honestly this was a pretty clear choice for me. EL-P and Killer Mike dropped RTJ4 a few weeks early after the news of George Floyd. This was the perfect soundtrack for what was unfolding across America. EL-P has been making amazing beats since since dropping Funcrusher Plus as a member of Company Flow in 1997. The fact that this album is a both a logical extension of his sound and so fresh 20 plus years into his career is no small feat. While this is the 4th true Run The Jewels album, the pair first teamed up in 2012 for Mike’s R.A.P. Music LP making this their 5th joint album. Killer Mike has been one of the most underrated MC’s and continue to show his chops on RTJ4. In a year that truly needed a soundtrack, Run The Jewels came through in a big way.

2. Ludovico Einaudi - 12 Songs From Home I am guessing most people haven’t heard “12 Songs From Home” which is a bit of a shame. If RTJ4 was the soundtrack of the year in protests the 12 Songs From Home was my soundtrack for the Pandemic lock down. Ludovico Einaudi recorded the album early in the lock down at home on his iPhone. Beautiful songs and simple arrangements helped to calm fraying nerves when the pandemic first started taking over the globe.

3. Tootard - Migrant Birds Here is another album that most of the world will never hear. If 2020 would have been a normal year, who knows if the great tracks here would have caught on to a wider audience. I guess it doesn’t matter. Migrant Birds was exactly what I needed to hear during the summer lockdown months. Upbeat 80′s disco sounds from the middle east transformed my backyard in Seattle. I am pretty confident that my most listened to track of the year was Moonlight. But the real gem of the release is “Stone Heap of the Wild Cat”. I mean its close to 4 mins of pure gold. 

4. Bill Callahan - Gold Record As the Dj Khaled drop goes Another One. Gold Record is Bill Callahan’s best release in 10 years. I loved 2019′s Shepherd in a Sheepskin Vest but there is just something about his 2020 release. It feels more like a true album start to finish than that album did. If you like Bill Callahan you have heard this album. If you like music and haven’t track it down. It doesn’t disappoint. 

5. Kelly Lee Ownes  - Inner Song If there is one thing that I am starting to notice as a move into middle age is that I prioritize releases from my favorite artists and don’t search out new music quite as much. I find it hard to accept new artists into this group. In 2020 Kelly Lee Ownes made the cut. Her 2017 self titled album was great but 2020′s Inner Song was above and beyond. Her sound is one of my personal favorites. I have always had a soft spot for fantastic low key electronic music. To do it right is really hard to pull off but Kelly has done it not once but twice. Start to finish Inner Song doesn’t miss a beat. Great Record

6. Caribou - Suddenly Home was one of my favorite tracks of the year. It was the first single released from Suddenly in late 2019. At the time my wife was traveling back and forth to NYC. The track hit the spot. Then the lockdown helped it to take on an even deeper meaning. Another great release from Dan Snaith.

7. Westside Gunn - Pray for Paris Pray for Paris was the best rap LP of 2020. Start to finish Westside Gunn killed it. Also, anyone who pairs with DOOM gets extra points in my book. R.I.P. MF DOOM. 

8. Fontaines D.C. - A Hero's Death Great follow up to their 2019 debut. If they keep this up they will be one of the best rock acts of their time. Side note, I was really hoping that the new Idles LP would be special. While it had its moments, it missed the mark. At least Fontaines filled the void.

9. Four Tet - Sixteen Oceans Four Tet took a step back from the more dance floor ready tracks on New Energy his 2017 release. Sixteen Oceans is a much more subdued affair which suited 2020 prefectly.

10. Sam Hunt - Southside  I am not a big fan on country music. While Southside needs to be categorized as country it is really a pop record. There are 4 incredible pop tracks on this release. Hard to forget, Kinfolks, Young Ones and Body Like A Back Road. While the album as a whole has some shortcomings, these tracks make up for them and more. 

11. Fleet Foxes - Shore This release came out of nowhere mid summer. Beautiful stuff.

12. Fuzz - III III is the 2nd best Fuzz LP. Best Original Fuzz, Fuzz III followed by Fuzz ll. Ty and team always bring it. 

13: The Budos Band - Long in the Tooth Back to basic’s from the best brass band on earth. Long Live Budos

14. Against All Logic - 2017 - 2019 Nicolas Jaar continues to release amazing dance music under his AAL name. 

15. Pop Smoke - Meet the Woo Vol. 2 R.I.P. Pop Smoke. Who knows what you where you would have gone if you were still here. 

16. Matt Karmil - STS371 Solid Electronic/Techno/House start to finish.  

17. Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist - Alfredo Gibbs recent output has been fantastic and Alfredo is no different. And a grammy nomination for best rap album. 2019′s Bandana LP with Madlib was a better release but it didn't get the grammy love. 

18. Jessie Ware - What's Your Pleasure? Jessie Ware gets back to what she did best on her debut LP Devotion. Much better than her previous albums. Great pop tracks start to finish.

19. Yves Tumor - Heaven to a Tortured Mind “Gospel For A New Century” is hands down the best lead off track of any album released in 2020. That beat is just incredible. Only problem with starting off your album with the best track is it's hard to match for the rest of the album. While it is the best track off the album the rest is great with stand outs like Kerosene! & Super Stars.

20. Shabaka and the Ancestors - We Are Sent Here By History Jazz is alive and well.

21. 21 Savage & Metro Boomin - Savage Mode II Savage Mode II is banging. One of my favorite rap tracks of all time is Ocean Drive from the first Savage Mode. That track is damn near perfect. II is dope as well with the highlight being Runnin’

22. Woods - Strange To Explain Weekend Wind is one of my favorite songs of 2020. Its over 7 mins long and I wish it would keep going. So great. 

23. Benny the Butcher - Burden of Proof Griselda is killing it. They are the best Rap collective at the moment. 

24.  Yaeji - What We Drew Waking up Down. So good. 

25. Drakeo the Ruler - Thanks For Using GTL Rap LP recorded entirely over the phone for jail. And it's damn good. 

[jugs-and]

the last couple of months

I have attempted to explain the entire story to various friends - it’s a mighty long story. It’s been a mighty long year, more than I realised before I started writing this account. 

I’m probably the asshole in this situation, but it’s my blog so eh. I needed to say it somewhere for future records because I may be scatter-brained but I take intense pride in record keeping to make up for it. 

0.

19th April - We didn’t talk for a week - she said that she thought I’d given up on her.

1. Opening blows. 

2nd May. It was the most innocent of days - we were just bantering about life. There was nothing really different about the day, it was just the normal Saturday night conversation - I’d just returned from a run, so I was just relaxing with my hairy legs on the table and mixing G&Ts. The call is always the highlight of my week and I was just free-wheeling as the night grew darker and darker. 

I asked about her university time - well, really I had initially opened up about my time in university, and I was recounting it. She has always been deeply fascinated with the enigma of N- and She then just on the train of thought as well, and she recounted, and recounted deeper, with more stories than I had heard before - about attempt to enter the medical exam, and then failing the second time as well. Then she went silent - just completely mute. 

This was a Saturday, so I hung up, and left it. Thinking that I’d be able to continue this the next day. She didn’t say anything the next day, and the day after when I sent through a photo of my breakfast. 

6th May. She sent me an email on the Wednesday about how down she felt - the email was horrific: 

> After our talk last Friday, I felt low, so down like I have never felt in years.

> I just wanted to have a fun, warm conversation with my friend and here I was, buried in my memories, of shame and self-deprecation.

My heart dropped to the bottom of the ocean. The thing about E- is that she remembers everything - she will remember incorrectly as well, if it makes her look worse and in a bad light. 

I had said some thoughts out loud, about her ex-boyfriend being her only support system and I finally realised that it was no small feat to strike out alone to move to New Zealand those three years past. These thoughts which were probably not quite appropriate to say out loud or how I wanted or intended them to sound.

I replied straight away, outlining that I didn’t enter into the conversation with any ill-will or maliciousness. It wasn’t really a good time to point out that her version of events was quite erroneous which is leading to a lot of the misunderstanding - but I didn’t want to be seen as gas-lighting. 

She didn’t reply. 

2. Restarting the Conversation

11th May. A week later, I sent another email because I was honestly just feeling lonely at the time. I thought we were going to go into a hibernation mode where we don’t talk for a number of months and we’d just be in a cryogenic freeze. As tradition, I initiated the email contact with a mindless paragraph with everything on my mind at the moment, how helpless I felt in the midst of all of this to resolve the situation and distance created. 

She replied the next day, which was surprising. I didn’t know what to take from that. She tends to wander off and not return for a while, and act like nothing had changed. 

13th, 14th, 16th May. Throughout the week we continued to trade emails on the topic of expectations and the nature of support in the context of friendships versus romantic relationships. It was sort of like normal, she said that she found the support outside of me, which sort of hurt. I know the words are not really there to injure, but it injures me like someone who was deeply invested in their favourite television show. Here I was watching the series finale unfold in slow motion - with the sinking feeling that I’d been cancelled much too early.

17th May She encouraged me to call her whenever I was ready to discuss. I moaned that communication was hard - I don’t know, she came back discussing tantra practices. 

3. Talking restarts 

19th May - She sent me a Jean Paul Gaultier facemask - but normal talking resumed and it was strangely normal. Photos of nature, everyday things - I was scrambling to get enough content to drag up to the next weekend - but no, we did the normal flirty talks with innuendo and BDSM, which any normal person would see as intensely sexual. 

The next week was fleeting conversations about what was going on in life. It was toward the end of COVID19 restrictions and one of the days I was back in the office with Ashley and Summer. We were going to call that weekend, but postponed because I was at Colin’s house for a bbq on Saturday, and calling Mum on the Sunday. I postponed it out of annoyance, I guess.

4. The beginning of the end 

25th May - E- shared about her weekend, both Saturday and Sunday. We’d been typing for a couple of minutes, so I decided to call. I remember calling outside the meeting rooms and on the way to the central lifts. I remember being surprised she picked up - I was sat in my car for most of it. The first two hours were wonderful, but then we moved onto the topic of religion.

I was so tired and slightly broken. I was increasingly attacked by some earlier comments she’d made about my tortured state-which I thought was sort of unfair. She was also really dismissive about the moment I talked about how busy I was, and alluding to, oh gosh. I could be doing so much else right now. 

There was an unprecedented arrogance to the way I said things - and a few things on yoga, namaste and the spiritual pursuit - I said a lot of things I still probably won’t back down on, but said in incredibly poor taste. E- has a good skill of taking sentences out of context and finding quotes to match and justify the feelings in her heart. It was a four hour phone call, and the last hour was the most difficult hour of my life. I was so defensive, and every part of my body was screaming to burn all the bridges.

26th May - She talked like normal. After I apologised, she said she wanted to move on and We had a conversation like normal - she sent through quizzes to do with inherent biases, and I responded like normal, somewhat, whatever that means. Across messages, and I was in a bridge burning mood. I poured out everything about how dismissive she is sometimes, and they are not respected or explored, even if she doesn’t agree with them. 

I didn’t talk for a week. I was travelling to Cape Reinga that weekend, so I didn’t pursue it anymore. 

5. Silence

Since that conversation, we’ve spoken sparingly. I sent a photo of the signpost at Cape Reinga pointing at Vancouver, recounted about the guy who shouted racial epithets at us in the carpark.

We’ve called twice. Both times, I’ve left very quickly, and I don’t know what I was going to say. 

05 June - The first one, I called, and asked how she was. She’d been distant as always, and I’m not sure if I was supposed to be surprised. She told me about her weekend, and I left after 20 minutes. She was in a shop, and a bit distracted, so I didn’t think too much about it. 

08 June - She returned the favour and called me. Talked to me about her knees, and what sort of state they are in - I’d asked her about them during the weekend because she sounded in some sort of discomfort. She discussed the movies she’d been watching, and I was slightly irritated that she made no attempt to relate the movies to me, but it was a recurring issue which I’d ignored somewhat. 

6. Cooling down

I guess we’ve traded one-line messages over the past week with increasing weariness - and on some level, it feels like the end. I’m greatly relieved that she is doing much better, and it gives me a lot more peace in being able to let go. 

The most irritating is hearing things I told her three years ago, but talking like she’s stumbled on them by herself. I’m realising how little she listens, or trusts in other people. She repeated the same things like it’s the people that are going to save you - the same things I’d been telling her three years ago - fuck dude - that was me. 

The urge in my heart is to say that I feel I’ve never truly been listened to - I’ve never had my words of encouragement, my words of caution, my words of love - they’ve never been treasured. I’ve been chasing after the girl beneath the layers of insecurity, anxiety and longing for maternal care, and full of chronic emotional distance - I don’t know if she is there anymore. While society couldn’t see it, I know I was her first ever real friend, and now I just look like I’m crazy desperate. 

I don’t think she realizes how hard I’ve worked to support and be a friend to someone who has been incredibly hard to be a friend to the past three years. Where she’s had literally no one on the other side of the world - I’ve ignored a lot of bullshit and I’ve always prioritized her above a lot of my other friends. I’m only holding on for the moment because I spent so much time and effort, but I have zero affection whether platonic or otherwise.

7. Burning bridges

We called for a hour on Sunday (28th June), it arose organically, she’d been out for a sushi dinner at one of the top restaurants in Vancouver. I knew she was with H-, so I didn’t really want to call. But she turned on the cam to show me everything about her apartment - shit-talked with zero regard regarding finding people online, and I excused myself as my parents were up for the weekend. At the end she faced the camera towards herself and said “Thanks so much for calling, I love it” with the warmest, cutest smile in the world. 

I’m just here, writing this record. I have a lot of these records, but I don’t think I ever post them, and they become out of date - so they just live in my inbox. But I very much feel like I want to burn every bridge right now.