#nope imagines

[cursedcola]

Yuu: “It’s time I told you guys about my lore” *whips out powerpoint*

Riddle:….lore?

Azul: Oh - so you’re a gamer.

Idia: Oh - so you’re traumatized

[sunderwight]

Thinking about a bingqiu Dreamling AU where Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua are both bored deities, just sort of taking a brief sojourn through the mortal world to shoot the shit and see some interesting monster or other that Shen Yuan has heard about, when they come across a tea house and decide to take a break and do some people-watching instead.

Shen Yuan is well into something of a shut-in phase, which Shang Qinghua doesn't like, mostly because when Shen Yuan is in those phases he doesn't do particularly well either. Shen Yuan's a social butterfly, for however little he cares to actually acknowledge it about himself, and his critique of Shang Qinghua's literary masterpieces gets so much harsher when he's not getting enough enrichment.

So when they overhear one of the kitchen boys solemnly insisting that he is going to do everything in his power to never die, and Shen Yuan laments that the boy would probably regret such a wish if it came true, Shang Qinghua decides to bestow a rare bit of godly power onto this mortal and grant his wish.

He doesn't make him a god, of course, that wouldn't even be in his ability. At least, not without using up more time and effort than he's prepared to expend on this one random kid. But immortality on its own is not that difficult. The boy will still finish growing up, and will still be able to be harmed, to know hunger and pain and illness. It just won't ever kill him.

Shen Yuan sighs that it's a cruel thing to do to a mortal, especially one with such low odds of ever cultivating other skills to mitigate the potential torment of it all. But Shang Qinghua just shrugs and they place bets, that this boy will ask for the immortality to be revoked in a hundred years, or two hundred, or so on, or else he won't. Shen Qingqiu approaches the kitchen boy and flusters and bewilders him by telling him to meet him back here again in a hundred years time.

A hundred years later, the tea house is larger. The boy has grown to be a striking young man, who looks at Shen Yuan with wariness and something else, something almost like awe, as he asks what manner of creature he's made this bargain with. Shen Yuan assures him that he has no nefarious intentions, and instead asks Luo Binghe how the past century of his life has gone.

Horribly, at least at first. Binghe's mother had already died by the time they met, but afterwards he managed to earn enough money to travel to a nearby sect. Working in the tea house's kitchen was just a minor stopover along the way. Shen Yuan was wrong, it seems, about his odds of becoming a cultivator -- Luo Binghe earned entry as a disciple.

Yet, he had no success. The master who took him on was unaccountably cruel and mercurial, and Luo Binghe's attempts to cultivate failed. Looking back he sees now that there were many times when he should have died but didn't, but when it was all happening he just thought himself lucky. At least until an enemy sect attacked a cultivation conference, and he suffered mortal wounds that absolutely should have killed him (or anyone) but still didn't die. (No demon race or abyss in this AU, but there are still demonic and fantastical creatures.)

His cruel master, upon witnessing this, accused him of heretical practices and tried to kill him as well by flinging him off the edge of a gorge. The fall was terrible. Binghe lay at the bottom in a horrifying state, injured beyond reason and yet, still, he didn't die. Eventually his body recovered enough for him to drag himself out, and once he did the only thing on his mind was getting revenge. For the next several decades he managed to ingratiate himself to all manner of potential allies, forging alliances, accumulating blackmail, and convincing people that he had to be some powerful cultivator through his supernatural resilience, lack of visible aging, and a lot of bluffing. He got revenge on his old teacher, drove his first sect into ruin, and rose to prominence as a feared and respected leader of the cultivation world.

Shen Yuan listens with clear interest, asking plenty of questions and seemingly quite taken up with the story. At the conclusion, Luo Binghe admits that his actual cultivation is still mostly a matter of smoke and mirrors, and wonders if -- now that the hundred years have passed -- Shen Yuan means to strip his immortality from him.

Shen Yuan asks if Luo Binghe wants that. When Luo Binghe says no, he accepts the answer, and tells him to meet him back here again in another hundred years. Luo Binghe calls after him, but before he can ask anything more, Shen Yuan has disappeared again.

A hundred years later, Binghe arrives back at the tea house with an entourage befitting of an emperor. The tea house has also expanded. Luo Binghe orders a lavish feast from them, which everyone hastens to provide. He's spent the past several decades consolidating his power, forging alliances with key political players via several marriages, producing heirs, and crushing his enemies. As he brags about the state of his massive harem to Shen Yuan, the deity's eyes begin to glaze over. He doesn't seem impressed. He also doesn't seem to care much for the food, and eventually his attention is stolen away by a conversation at another table. The diners are discussing the exploits of a promising new poet and novelist. Try as he might, Luo Binghe fails to regain Shen Yuan's attention before the evening is done. Shen Yuan doesn't think it's a big deal -- after all, if Binghe is still riding on top of the world, he's probably not going to want his immortality gift revoked just yet!

Another hundred years go by. The tea house has returned to a more modest situation, the next time Shen Yuan sets foot in it. He waits an unusually long while for his guest to arrive, and when he does, he's almost stopped at the door by the tea house's servers. It's only when Shen Yuan bids them let him through that Luo Binghe is able to come to the table, almost collapsing against it and desperately falling onto the arrangement of snacks with obvious hunger.

Shen Yuan wonders if this, now, will be when the boy (no longer a boy) asks for the immortality to be revoked. Surprisingly, he finds himself resistant to the idea, even though it's also clear that the game has run too long. Maybe hundred year check-ins were too short? He doesn't like the implications of what's gone on, even if he's not really surprised about it either.

Between desperate mouthfuls of food, Luo Binghe explains that without mastering inedia, going hungry but never dying is a deeply unpleasant experience. Shen Yuan orders more food. Once Binghe has finally eaten his fill, he begins, haltingly, to explain his situation. His clothes are ragged, he is painfully thin, and his gaze is haunted.

Apparently, several of his wives conspired to assassinate him, despite his reputation as unkillable. Realizing that most poisons and such didn't kill him, but that he could still be incapacitated, they hatched a scheme to dose his food with a powerful sleeping agent, and then walled him up in a famous ancestral tomb. They went to great length to ensure that it was impossible to escape from. It took Binghe decades to do it anyway, digging away at the floors, and when he got out he found that his power base had collapsed. In-fighting and the incursion of his enemies had led to the deaths of all of his children, and what wives had survived had either fled or remarried. Not that he particularly wanted them back at that point, since the ones actually most loyal to him had also been killed early on after his own "death". His face marked him, to the eyes of his enemy, as a surviving descendant of himself. He was hunted down, chased across the continent and back again, until he managed to fall into enough obscurity that his pursuers abandoned the chase. Except that he has nothing, and any time he tries to regain something, he runs the risk of being hounded again. Those who might see some potential in him still remember the collapse of his recent "dynasty" and slam doors in his face, or else try and turn him over to those now in power in pursuit of a reward. Those who don't know that much see only a dirty beggar, and usually run him off on that basis instead.

Shen Yuan, almost hesitant, asks if Luo Binghe would like to have his immortality revoked.

Luo Binghe declines. How will he be able to take revenge on those who wronged him if he is dead? He has a hit list a mile long by now.

Which is definitely not the most noble of reasons to persist, but Shen Yuan finds himself reluctant to ask twice. Instead he orders more food, and then even reserves one of the traveler's rooms above the tea house for several days. By then the sky is turning grey, and Luo Binghe is losing his apparent battle with exhaustion. Shen Yuan presses the key into his hand, thinking it's probably not enough, but there are limits to how much gods are supposed to interfere and Shang Qinghua already stretched them to the breaking point with this entire scenario.

He leaves, not seeing the hand that reaches after him just before he is out of the door and gone.

Another hundred years pass. This time, Shen Yuan arrives to find Luo Binghe already waiting for him. He isn't surprised to see that Binghe's situation has visibly improved -- maybe he was keeping closer tabs on him, just a little bit, for this past while. If only to be sure he wouldn't have to warn the tea house workers to expect an unorthodox visitor again! But no, Binghe has been doing well enough for himself. No more harems or thrones, though. He dresses more like a well-off merchant now, deliberately posing as his own mortal descendant rather than as a great immortal cultivator. The food at the table looks far more delicious than usual too (Binghe commandeered the tea house's kitchen himself this time). As they chat, Shen Yuan is regaled with the exploits of Luo Binghe's travels and adventures, how even though he initially set out to claim revenge on those who overthrew him, by the time he was in a position to actually do so they had already died of the usual causes (time, illness, their own schemes backfiring, etc). Subsequently, only their children and grandchildren were left with the scraps of power they had obtained, and when one of those children employed Luo Binghe as a bodyguard, his initial plan to assassinate them eventually fell by the wayside. After all, the wrongdoings weren't actually theirs. From that point, Binghe was able to restore himself to a more comfortable life, joining his new employer on their travels until he had set aside enough earnings to take his leave before his youthful good-looks earned him suspicion. He then began investing in travel and trade, specifically cargo ships, because never spending too long in the same place or around the same people helped disguise his immortality. He had found that, at least for now, this served him better than playing the part of a cultivator. It also gave him time to try and actually repair his ruined cultivation base somewhat, and fighting pirates proved very diverting.

Binghe is midway through recounting his adventures with a gigantic sea monster, while Shen Yuan hangs on every word, when they're interrupted by the arrival of a brash young mistress, clearly wealthy and trained in cultivation. The young lady declares that there is a rumor that a fallen god and a demon meet in this tea house once a century, that they wield strange powers, etc etc, and she intends to interrogate them both with the assistance of her hired muscle and her own spiritual weapon, and discover the truth of the matter. Then she whips out, well, a whip!

Before Shen Yuan can deal with the matter, Luo Binghe is already on his feet, disarming the goons and breaking a few arms in the process. Shen Yuan is so distracted that he almost misses the whip aimed right for him, but before Binghe can catch the barbed weapon with his bare hand (wtf, Binghe, no) Shen Yuan deflects it with a wave of his fan, and then efficiently knocks the troublesome young lady unconscious. The hired muscle flees, Shen Yuan arranges for their assailant to be placed in a room upstairs until she regains consciousness, and he and Binghe resume their meal and conversation in relative peace.

Even though it's clear that Luo Binghe has not yet reached the end of his tolerance for life, Shen Yuan nevertheless finds himself strangely reluctant to part ways at the end of the night. Still, he does, because that's what is expected of him, gently denying Luo Binghe's suggestions that they find some other establishment to continue their conversation at. He also has to investigate these "rumors" that the young lady mentioned. It's probably nothing (Shang Qinghua has a loose tongue when he's drunk, and a lot of imaginative storytellers have frequented this tea house over the years) but he doesn't like being caught unawares like that. Heavenly politics are... complicated, it's best not to court unwanted attention in any capacity.

Another hundred years go by. This time, when they meet at the tea house, Luo Binghe asks Shen Yuan why he keeps it up. Why did he pick Binghe? What is he really after? When Shen Yuan fails to give any kind of clear answer, Luo Binghe shoots his shot and makes a (very obvious) move on him.

Shen Yuan, flustered, gets up and flees. Ignoring Luo Binghe's calls after him. It just doesn't make any sense! Why would Binghe do that?! He's a man who once had a harem of wives in the triple digits! Clearly he's not gay, so what was that all about? Was he just messing with him?! How dare he! Etc, etc.

Another century passes. Luo Binghe waits at the tea house, which has fallen onto hard times again. With the construction of some new roadways, travelers no longer pass through as often. Binghe listens, worried, to the proprietor's laments that this old place will probably not be around in another hundred years. He listens because he has no one else to speak to, because Shen Yuan has not shown up. Not that morning, not during the day, not come evening, and not now that it is closing time. Binghe nevertheless charms and bribes the proprietor to let him stay even after the place has shuttered.

It seems damning, of course. He pressed too hard and now his mysterious benefactor wants nothing more to do with him. Except, no, he refuses to accept that. He's still immortal. And he has gleaned enough of Shen Yuan's character by now that he thinks that even if he was rejected, he would be let down more clearly and gently than this. The more he thinks about it, the less willing Luo Binghe is to believe that he has been deliberately stood up (also, since the tenor of his confession was different from Hob Gadling's, he never delivered an ultimatum about what it might imply when they met up again).

Over the centuries, Luo Binghe has built up a few contacts with similarly strange and supernatural stories. Cultivators, sure, but also others, fortune tellers and people of strange ancestry, questionable abilities, those who have interacted with powerful beings of mysterious provenance. He makes his way to a certain gambling den, frequented often by such people, and while he flashes around enough money to draw curiosity, he collects information. Shen Yuan wasn't the only person who started paying more attention to the kinds of rumors surrounding the two of them after their confrontation with the young cultivator a couple centuries ago. And in fact, Luo Binghe has been spending many, many years trying to find out more about his mystery man. Though, too many potential deities and immortals fit his description for him to have ever conclusively figured much out.

This is how Binghe gets wind of a rumor that an eccentric occultist has somehow captured a god in his basement...

[cubbihue]

When you said that the unluckiest person is most hopeful, it reminded me of Nagito Komaeda. If the universe were combined, do you think he would fair well having Anti Cosmo as his anti fairy?

Funnily enough, I feel like it would be Hajime who would have an anti-fairy companion. I mean, he’s surrounded by extremely skilled people! That would attract bad luck in some way for him. Nagito wouldn’t be good food for anti-fairies. Or Fairies. Or Pixies.

...Honestly, Fairies aren’t quite sure what food he produces. It’s like a weird amalgamation of luck, desire, greed, and all sorts of emotions they can’t disentangle. Like a crockpot gone horribly horribly wrong. Eating any bit of that would make any fairy sick.

Eugh. The hell is wrong with that one.

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[tanglepelt]

Dp x dc idea 36

John summons the ghost king Danny. Needs helps makes a deal offering his soul. Danny being the troll he is accepts. He would of helped regardless of the deal. Instead of johns soul. He steals johns shoe. Just rips the sole out of the shoe and vanishes.

[comfort-character-central]

Your f/o would remember all the best ways to soothe and calm you. They'd do what it took to bring you to a state of relaxation, to ease those nerves or anxieties, comforting you in each and every way you need. Grounding you in ways that help you the most. They've got you, they've always got you.

[rin-sith]

Ages ago, I promised a sequel to my Ruthlessness sketches with my new Poseidon design, and well... See, I had a very specific vision for this, my beloved 🫶 favorite song in the whole entire musical. And I guess I was finally brave en- I mean, found the time to bring it to life. Enjoy 🙈🌊🔱

@glisten-inthedark look at what I've done now

[benevolenterrancy]

Hi I have caught up to you on having feelings about Zhuzhi-Lang. He's a good boy! 🥺 Good snake boy! 🥺 I had the thought, after Zhuzhi let SQQ leave after SQQ yelled at him... what if they Stole Him. What if.

(Also have you read/been recommended anything by corduroyserpent yet? Big writer of Zhuzhi-Lang fics, including a very cute de-aged Zhuzhi-Lang and some zhushen)

Justifications of bride-stealing!

(AND HE'S THE BEST BOY 😭 I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, SO MUCH!! have some further au thoughts because this has contaminated my brain...)

What I think would actually happen if they stole SQQ? Absolutely nothing good for anyone, LBH would Lose His Fucking Mind xD as a more interesting answer though, I like the idea that Shen "Pedantic Nitpicky Asshole" Qingqiu's primary point of argument is that he is not a bride so he cannot be "bridenapped" regardless of demonic tradition or intention!

This eventually leads to them all completely avoiding the Maigu Ridge incident because TLJ realizes that, somehow, SQQ doesn't realize the depths of his son's feelings for him and decides to put all his efforts into being a wingman for his nephew instead because he finds the entire thing absolutely hilarious and rather satisfying after his own sad romance. Obviously someone like SQQ would do much better with his good, loyal nephew than the disappointing offspring of that disastrous relationship!

As for ZZL he just has to assume that LBH must not be treating SQQ anywhere near the way he should be (and like... he isn't wrong at this point, there is a non-zero amount of torture and terror going on here) if SQQ doesn't see himself as being tied to LBH in any way. And if he's not attached to LBH then there's absolutely no reason he shouldn't make his own efforts to seduce SQQ! After all, if LBH isn't valuing SQQ properly then obviously ZZL has to step up because someone as kind as SQQ deserves the best!!!

[4ranghaes]

i absolutely love the way you write about bnd and how well done ur ot5 post are 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

this being said if you’re comfortable i’d love to see your thoughts on how bnd would send nudes/what type of nudes they send and how they’d be about it!! even what type of nudes they’d ask for. whatever you’re up to writing!!

take care of yourself <33

bnd sending and receiving nudes! ੈ✩‧₊˚

ot5 bnd x reader [smut, fem!reader]

a/n - okay i know a lot of these aren’t NUDES but i wanted to add visual references without putting dicks on your tl😭 and these are nicer to receive from boys than cock and ball pics anyway… also i didn’t add reference pics for sending cause i didnt want to limit body type/skin colour for reader !

warnings - NSFW PICTURES UNDER CUT!!!!!! MDNI!!!!

sungho🎀

sending - so originally, i thought about teasing photos taken in the mirror, revealing stomach and v-line but now, after looking, i think sungho would revel in sending you pics like this, showing off his body he’s so proud of and works so hard on, especially taken at or straight after the gym… however, i would say i think he’d still send v-line pics (not pictured) just like how he posts mirror selfies, you can see everything from his beautiful face to his slim stomach, happy trail leading down to his pubic hair, leading to the base of his dick and nothing more. ughhh omg i need him

receiving - sungho’s so sweet he’d never want to pressure you into sending nudes, even though he loves receiving them. seriously he’d never ask for them, any nudes sent are completely of your own free will. having said that, you’ve come to figure out what he likes and doesn’t like, and what he likes is thigh pics. panties, lingerie and BOWS WRAPPED ROUND YOUR THIGHS! he loves when you’re kneeling, thighs and stomach included in the pic. he also would love the classic mirror selfie in underwear, doesn’t matter if it’s fancy or not - he just loves seeing you on display for him.

riwoo🦦🍡

sending - absolutely inspired by the photos posted after the new years video… i think riwoo would generally be quite shy about sending nudes, and a sexting convo would usually be started by you, him only initiating when he’s on tour and so, so lonely. but he sends you little laying down pics, pants hanging low, waist on show because he knows how much you love them. i also think (not shown) he’d send full dick pics, just at a downward angle holding his hard length in his hand, simple but he has a pretty dick yk, has to use it to his advantage. one time, after begging and pleading you even got him to send one with a ribbon tied round the end.

receiving - once again riwoo on the whole is just super shy about nudes, so much like sungho, any nudes sent is your idea and usually catches him completely off guard, even if he’s alone on tour, he’s still hiding his phone, staring like he’s not allowed to, like he’s doing something wrong. if you forced him to have an opinion though, the ones where you’re fully clothed, either holding your tits, or your nipples visible through the material, or cleavage poking out the top. anything to do with your boobs, while you’re still dressed he loves… feels like he can perv, even though you’re already his completely.

jaehyun🪻🐕

sending - there’s no rhyme or reason to when myungjae sends you nudes, he’s so horny most of the time, you’ll be sat at your desk in the middle of the day and you’ll receive a 5 minute long video of him masturbating, beginning to end. he’s not discriminatory about the photos/videos he sends. i chose these two references just cause they reminded me of him… in the first, the fashion and the earphones, it just has his vibe - and i think he’d absolutely send you pictures of marks you left on his body throughout the day, different to the way taesan does it though, he’s not showing off, he’s pouting, trying to gain your sympathy. with the second, it’ll be his first day off in ages, he’d send you pics he’d taken during sex until you’re finally receiving pics of his hard cock, turned on by his own doing - and eventually a moaning audio…

receiving - he’d LOVE when you match his freak and send videos of yourself beginning to end masturbating and unlike riwoo and sungho, myungjae absolutely would and DOES ask again and again for you to send pics and vids… he does this normally which you appease with boob or lingerie pics, the usual basics. but when he’s on tour, he’s begging more and more desperately, you like to treat him. videos either masturbating or teasing yourself, begging him by name to come home and let you cum - even if he’s not usually a dom, he loves the illusion of the videos, it’s his own personal porn…

taesan🎸🐈‍⬛

sending - wound photos!!!!! i’ve spoken about this on other people’s blogs but i go insane for masochist taesan, whether that’s sub or dom i think he’d love being scratched, marked up, slapped and more, and afterwards he’d love to send you photos of the wounds. the photo below’s a bit tame but i couldn’t find any i liked… he’d take some straight after sex, when bloods coming from his lip and his back and shoulders, and his body’s bruised and swollen, but he’d continue to take them through the week, giving you updates on your artwork <3 also, like the second photo, you’d go a while no updates and then he’d send just photos of his bare, unmarked skin, basically begging you to come and mark him up. on the more nsfw side, he’d also send moaning audios as he stroked his cock, maybe when he’s in the studio alone, and he’s stressed, he enjoys rubbing one out and sometimes, he doesn’t want to be quite so alone…

receiving - taesan would be one who wouldn’t ask explicitly for photos, but if he sends one, it’s only natural for his girlfriend to send one back, right? (also if you’re the one to send the nudes unprompted, just know the sex afterwards will be a punishment, no matter how much he liked them). he loves when you do the same back to him, sending him updates on marks and cuts he left on your body, bruises on your thighs, hand marks all over, and even if you’re not one for pain like taesan is, he loves leaving hickies up your boobs and neck, and he wants updates on those too. apart from that, lingerie pics are the best for him. he wants to see whenever you get a new pair, modelled immediately over text, or even when you find an old pair at the back of your drawer while cleaning out. or, it’s laundry day and you have no other options. whatever the occasion, he just wants to make sure he’s included.

leehan🪸🐠

sending - leehan, like with most other things in life, is obviously unusual, but also very casual in his attitude. he’d love sending pics like the first one just completely unprompted - no prior conversation happening and you reply like …‘how dare you’… he loves teasing you like that. because of course you’re horny now, look at your boyfriend! he usually does that when he’s just bored, not horny. but when he’s horny, he’ll send pics like the second, cute photos disguising his bulge or his bare torso underneath. i also think on a real nsfw note, he’d enjoy sending videos of his face as he jerks off, he loves how it’s teasing you as if testing whether you know the face or not beforehand, because you open what you think is just a handsome video of your boyfriend - before you notice the slick sounds in the background and the low moans starting to escape his mouth…

receiving - he’d love to see videos or audios the same way he sends them, and he’d be shameless in asking for them - special requests and all. ofc leehan wouldn’t always be knowledgable to the fact that they’re coming though - for those ones, he loves just photos of your body in underwear, not lingerie, simple underwear. lingerie feels too stuffy, underwear feels like all the times he’s about to fuck you, just seconds before… specifically he loves mirror selfies when you’re sitting, high waisted panties framing your tummy, or kneeling in the same way. he loves receiving these unprompted, and he’s shameless at looking at them too, in the middle of the practise room, full brightness, sat next to the other members.

[vaguely-concerned]

the barista lady in the treviso café fucking giggles every time you buy the fancy coffee lucanis likes from her btw. can't believe the game is calling out rook and me like this

[luminouslotuses]

how the tommyinnit tour is going:

[simplyghosting]

Turns out the cure to impulse purchases is $15 shipping and handling

[demonslayedher]

For as long as he was able, Ubuyashiki Kagaya was visiting ailing Corp members.

There he is visiting comatose Tanjirou, though Kagaya himself was very recently busy doing stuff like this:

He presumably also visited comatose Inosuke, who only woke up seven days before Tanjirou did.

According to the Gotou and Sumi report, Zenitsu woke up the day after the battle, and returned to going on missions two days before Tanjirou woke up.

Ergo, it stands to reason that Zenitsu got a chance to meet Kagaya and wakefully enjoy the soothing sound of Kagaya's voice, and that Kagaya in all likelihood praised him for his accomplishments.

[defender-of-jouvente]

{comp of sketches i did of rp stuff over the past couple days, up until Sharpie Quest started.}

{full page under the cut!}

[sainztificc]

Imagine: Carlitos and Oscar watching the tennis match together (for the sake of the plot we'll believe that it's sinner vs alcaraz)

oh u need a fic rec??? Coming right up: here u go!

[babylemonart]

Grandpa Baul and his newts

[sanji-screenshots]

sanji and nami.png