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like-rain-or-confetti · 4 years ago

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Avoidance (Jane Volturi x Reader)

You went looking for Felix, even checking the library when you couldn't find him anywhere else. Felix didn't read. He couldn't stand it, if there were anyone to never be in the library it was Felix. To your slight horror and surprise you found your mate, Jane, instead.

Whilst you two were mates, she was still quite cold and hostile around you most of the time. It was a very rare time that she let down her guard and really enjoyed spending time with you. It impacted you by feeling as though you were constantly walking on eggshells with her. So much so you eventually had begun to avoid her. Much to her disapproval although she never let it show.

"Hey, uhh, is Felix here? Have you seen him?" You asked her. "Of course, he isn't. This is the library." She said with a matter of fact tone as she beckoned you into the room. You complied standing in front of her as she asked. "Why are you looking for him?" "Oh, I just wanted to talk to him, really. Nothing important." You assured her. "Wouldn't you rather talk to me?" She asked lightly although her gaze was just empty as it had ever been. You dropped your gaze, stumbling slightly for words before Jane leaned back with a hardened gaze directed towards the window beside her. "Of course, you wouldn't." She said lowly. You immediately felt guilty, not wanting her to get the impression you wanted nothing to do with her. You moved to sit on the window set beside her. "Actually Jane, can we talk for a bit instead? I haven't seen you in a while." You seemed to have surprised her as she straightened slightly, her eyes quickly moving back to yours. "I'd like that." She said quietly.

Gradually you had warmed up to her, finding she was trying her best not to scare you at first and then she realised it was easier to speak to you than she had thought. The mate bond giving you both the confidence you needed. You hadn't even noticed that during your conversation, you had gotten closer to her. Jane's eyes ran over you once, noting your intense stare on the detail of her dress. Your finger trailed over the pattern on her skirt, delicately. "Will you accompany me to my room?" She asked. You hesitated for a moment. "Yeah, okay." You said after a moment meeting her gaze with a small smile. The two of you slid off the window seat as you let Jane lead the way.

You immediately noticed Jane had a small loveseat in her room opposite her bed. However, Jane paid no mind to it and instead sat on her bed. She gave you an expectant look. Although you were uncertain if that was an invite. She patted the bed beside her. "Come sit with me." That was definitely an invitation. You complied, climbing upon the bed beside her. "Do you ever use this?" You asked, looking down at the perfectly made bed. You were consciously aware that every tiny little movement you made, intentional or not, messed it up that little bit more. "Not often." Jane responded. "We have no use for them but they're a comfort. It's better than anything I had when I was human. I tend to lay on it rather than in it." You nodded, pleasantly surprised with how much of a response you had received.

Without warning, Jane reached out for your hand and brought it to rest on her knee. Your heart had then began to race. You knew had a good reason to avoid touching Jane as you had since the beginning. If she wanted physical contact then she had the control to initiate it on her own terms. She wasn't a particularly affectionate person, or at least, towards nearly every other person than Aro and Alec. It seemed like affection had to be earned with her and you didn't want to upset her by pushing her limits. Whilst she had hugged you briefly, even giving a quick kiss to the cheek on the days she's feeling generous. Those were rare, barely one or two occasions, any other contact is her guiding you out of someone's way or in the direction she wanted you to go. All of the above was quick and felt very forced with very little meaning behind it.

This display of affection didn't feel forced and was longer than any touch combined had been. Even more so, you felt the genuine emotions she had for you. You really hoped it was love behind her actions. "Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked quietly. "Wh-What do you mean?" You stammered. "You're looking at me with fear and confusion. I'm asking why." Jane responded. "O-oh. I just wasn't expecting you to do that. I've always had the impression that you didn't like me touching you." You answered. "I didn't, at the beginning." She said. "However you've been here for months and I've been trying to get used to you. Although I will tell you that you haven't made it easy for me." You paused, uncertain of what to say and Jane could see that plainly on your face. Your brow had furrowed even more. "I am aware that you avoid me, (Y/N). You know when I'm not on guard or with my brother and most of the time you seek out Felix or another guard before I can consider going to you. Any other time, you tend to be on your own."

So perhaps it was painfully obvious when hearing Jane's perspective upon it. Although you thought you had been doing her a favour or that she simply didn't care. "I thought it was what you wanted." You responded quietly. "I didn't think you wanted to see me and me being preoccupied meant you didn't have to." "It was, in the beginning." Jane admitted. "I wanted that because it meant next I could keep you distanced from me. It would just be myself and my brother, serving Aro. However recently you have been on my mind.” Jane looked away, staring at the floor across the room. "Until I realised very recently that I didn't want you so far from me. You spend too much time with Felix. So much so, it looks like you're his mate- not mine. I don't like that." Jane paused thinking for a moment, seemingly unsatisfied with her previous statement. "If you had a problem, if you were in trouble or upset, I know you'd go to Felix or Demetri. Although you should be coming to me. At first, I thought that was your fault. I was angry with you for always spending time with them and avoiding me. However I've been thinking about it and have recognised it isn't your fault. The problem is my behaviour. It's not easy leaving everything you knew behind to live with us. There is still a lot you don't understand about our kind and you've been adapting to that. My behaviour has led you to believe you cannot approach me for anything and instead must go to Felix or Demetri or any other more sociable guard. I am the last person you'd go to out of the fear that your inconveniencing me, when I should be the first person because your my mate. No one else's. That is why I've been trying to get you alone recently. I want to show you that I care and that if anything were to ever happen to you...I want to know about it. I don't want to hear it from Felix or Demetri or anyone else. I want to hear it from you. That is why I was disheartened when you came to, finally, only to be told you were looking for Felix. Then I became even more disheartened because you weren't comfortable talking to me. You never even said what you wanted him for. Even after I offered, you still wanted him. It's wrong and I don't like it. However I caused that and therefore it's up to me to fix it." You were taken aback by how vulnerable Jane had been. You slowly nodded. "I'll come to you." You assured her. "I didn't want to bother you and..." You paused, catching yourself before you spoke the words. However, Jane tugged you that little bit closer to her with your conjoined hands. Her eyes on you, once more. Silently promoting you to finish the sentence. "...I was worried about how you'd react about anything when it came to me. I see what you're capable of and it's frightening sometimes." You admitted quietly. After a moment of silence you regretted saying it. Having admitted that you were sometimes afraid of her. As she let go of your hand, your heart sank.

In silence she pushed you back, gently, hovering over you as you lay back on her bed. You felt one of her legs cage both of yours, ensuring you wouldn't have gone anywhere. Jane's expression was stoic, even as she leaned closer to you, her cold hand against your cheek. "You don't ever have to be afraid of me." She whispered to you. "You're special." Jane's thumb brushed against your cheekbone. "You, Alec, Aro, Caius and Marcus are the safest people in the world." She smiled slightly at you. "Never be afraid of me." She whispered quietly before closing the gap between you, kissing you softly on the lips. You inhaled in surprise and you felt a small smile of amusement against your lips. This was your first kiss with Jane. Your first real kiss to the lips with Jane and you felt your chest flutter within your chest. Perhaps your heart skipping a beat only for her.

She softly broke the kiss with a small smile. "Your heart is pounding." She said quietly. "I think it might give out." You said breathlessly. Jane hummed in amusement. "No, it won't." You weren't so sure, your mind still feeling at the memory of her lips on yours. "Don't forget to breathe." She whispered and that was when you realised you really had been holding your breath. You released the breath you were holding before taking a deep breath in. Jane smiled softly at you before moving to sit on her knees beside you.

She gently lifted your wrist moving your hand to press against her own cheek this time. "Are you alright?" Jane asked. You nodded. "I'm good." You said with a slight smile. It made Jane smile too. "When we're alone, you get this side of me. I'm not one for showing such affection around others. It's inappropriate. I might not always show my feelings, (Y/N) but it doesn't mean I have none." "I never thought you were unfeeling." You responded. "As long as you know." She said to you with a knowing look.

Before blinking, her smile vanishing. "My apologies, it seems I am being called upon. An unexpected turn out from a trial. It appears I must leave you." You moved to get off the bed but by the time you sat up, Jane pushed you back down. "Stay here. I'll be back as soon as I'm done." "What do you mean 'stay here'?" You asked. Jane turned to you as she walked towards her door. "I want you here." "I'm sensing a pattern with you and the phrase 'I want'." You tilted your head at her. She smiled innocently at you though her eyes gleamed with mischief. "I always get what I want."

It had been three hours. After the first hour and a half, you had fallen asleep. Jane stood over you, looking down at your sleeping form without any expression. Her love wasn't easily found. However, if you were patient enough, it would eventually show. She reached out, stroking her fingers along your cheek. You jolted grabbing her wrist with a gasp. Her hand was freezing to the touch but just someone touching you often made you jump. She hushed you softly. "Shhh, it's just me (Y/N)." When you saw it was her, you sighed in relief, your head falling back and your tight grip loosened upon her wrist. "Jane, you scared me so bad." You mumbled quietly, sounding like a whine. Her thumb brushed over your cheek. "Go back to sleep. It's okay." Your head drifted to the side, relaxing once more. "Go back to sleep."

#twilight #volturi #the volturi #reader #jane volturi #oneshot #one shot

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borhap-au · 4 years ago

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Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles.

Joe Mazzello - Scars.

When your kisses became more intense Joe put the laptop away, stopping the movie. Then he got up from the bed and went to turn the lights on.

“Leave the lights off. Please,” you tried to give him a glimpse of a smile. You knew Joey wanted to make love to you, and you weren’t comfortable with him seeing your body in its full glory. You had some scars you were ashamed of and you didn’t want Joe to notice them.

He sighed quietly. It wasn’t the first time you asked him for a favor like this, in fact, you never let him turn the lights on, and when you were intimate during the day, when the sun was still high up, you used your dark curtains to make the room darker. You said it was to make the atmosphere in the room more intimate, but Joe started to figure out your reasons.

“Y/N,” he said quietly, almost whispering, while sitting on the bed next to you. “What is it? Why do you always insist on having sex in the dark?” he gently pet your leg, wanting you to feel his touch, his closeness, and his affection.

“It’s for the atmosphere,” you used the same excuse again, but this time it just couldn’t work on him.

“I know it’s not. Please tell me the truth. Did I do something wrong?” he looked at you with concern in his eyes. He wanted you to feel just as good as you always made him feel.

“No, of course not. Come on, let’s forget about it. We were in a middle of something,” you put your hand on his bare chest, and then moved it to the side of his body, trying to bring him closer to you. He was shirtless from the foreplay you two already started that was interrupted so that Joe could turn the lights on and have a good look on you that you weren’t planning to allow.

“No, I mean it. Did I hurt you somehow? Did I touch you the wrong way? I always asked you for permission. Did you give me consent without meaning it?” he started to come up with all those different theories or why you acted the way you did towards him.

“No, no, Joey. It’s none of your fault. You were always very good to me,” you reassured him, petting his cheek. You never wanted him to feel bad, as he never did anything to deserve it. He was a very sweet boyfriend and a generous lover, you had hardly anything to complain about when it came to him.

“So don’t I deserve the truth? Why do you hide it from me?” all of his questions came only from the fact he was concerned about you. He wanted to make sure everything that wasn’t alright, would soon become nothing but a memory.

“Because that’s my thing. I try to hide things so you like me better,” you muttered quietly, avoiding his gaze.

“What?” he looked at you in disbelief. “What are you trying to tell me right now?”

“I hide my body from you, so you don’t see it, at least not that well. I just don’t want you to notice… The imperfections and all,” you muttered, still looking down. He got up, and you thought he was leaving, but when you looked up, he turned the lights on.

“No, please,” you immediately hid your body under the quilt. “I’m not ready. Please.”

“Girly… You saw me. My entire body, with all the imperfections. And do you really think I’m so materialistic to care about some minor imperfections? They don’t define your value. It’s your humor, your charisma that make you who you are. Your intelligence. There’s so much more to you than some imperfections that only you notice. Please. I love you for who you are, and not for how you look like, even though for me you’re gorgeous inside out and I feel lucky to be with someone so smart and beautiful. Can I?” he asked, sitting next to you, and gently pulling the quilt. You looked at him for a while and then sighed quietly. You knew you couldn’t hide your body forever. Eventually he had to see it. So you let him put the quilt away.

To your surprise, he didn’t immediately start to look for the things you tried to hide. On the contrary, he smiled to you and focused first on your lips, kissing you passionately. He was so tender that it made you smile to yourself, while prolonging the kiss.

Then he started kissing your jawline and quickly moved his kisses to your neck. You held your breath when he began to take off your shirt, and soon after, your bra. Only then he looked at your chest. There were a few scars here and there. Some of them made on purpose, some of them accidental, and all of them made you persuade yourself that you weren’t perfect, when in Joe’s eyes you were the exact opposite. You were his perfection.

You had most of your scars on your forearms, mostly around the wrists. You always wore long sleeves, bracelets and wristbands, so that nobody could see. But today your hands were naked, and Joe could finally see everything that you’ve been hiding. He began to plant small kisses on your hands. You looked at him a bit surprised.

“You aren’t… Disgusted?” you asked unsure. He smiled to you, petting the side of your body with his thumb.

“Of course not. I would never be disgusted by you. You’re stunning,” he softly kissed your stomach and you immediately pulled in your belly. “No, don’t do that, please. I love your body the way it is. All of it. And I’m really happy I can finally see it in full light.”

He then began to take off your trousers. Legs were also a frequent victim of your razor blade. He moved his hand on your hip, feeling the uneven skin where your scars were.

“Can you promise me you’ll stop?” he spoke softly, not trying to patronize you. It was all out of care for you and honest, deep concern for your mental health.

“I’m already done with this. Those aren’t fresh. I did them all months ago. Definitely before I met you,” you reassured him. “But it doesn’t change the fact I feel awful about them.”

“All the scars are your journey. It’s what you’ve been through in your life. I don’t want you to hurt yourself, I want you to know and feel that I will always love and protect you. But what happened in the past happened, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that. It’s what made you. It’s what brought you to me. I don’t mind your scars, just like you don’t mind all the imperfections on my body. You don’t look at me counting all the things that are bad, you look at me with love. I can see that. So why can’t you see that it’s exactly how I feel about you too? This body, your body, brings me so much joy and satisfaction. Why would I hate anything about it? Your body is you. And I love you,” he started kissing your thighs, especially the places you had scars on. His lips were warm and they made you feel hot inside, because despite the conversation that has been going on, it was still Joe fucking Mazzello kissing your body. And he could’ve had anyone in the world, but yet, he wanted you, and- Exactly. He wanted you.

“And you’re going to stay…? Even though I look like this…?” you muttered quietly, unwilling to stop his kisses.

“You mean gorgeous? Wonderful? Stunning? How do you look like, girly?” he looked at you smiling. “Because you look like all those adjectives to me. I’m not going to leave you because of some imperfections only you see in yourself. I don’t care about them. I care about you, and you’ve always been good and caring towards me. You made me feel loved. You made me feel like the best, most handsome guy in the world, even though I know I’m not one. But that’s the power of your love. And I want to give you exactly the same. I want you to believe me when I say that to me, you are perfect. You’re kind-hearted and funny and you bring light to my life. You’re my sunshine.”

“And you’re my moon and stars,” you smiled and kissed his head, leaning towards him. He smiled too.

“Where you see scars, I see hands that pet my body, make me feel good, give the best handjobs I ever had and trust me, I mean it,” you blushed when you heard that, but you couldn’t hide a smile. “You see scars, but I see stomach that I lay my head on when I felt bad, and you moved your fingers through my hair, calming me down. You see scars, but I see the legs that are not only sexy, but also strong enough to make you walk miles with me on our trips. I see not only the body that turns me on and gives me incredible pleasure, but also the person who this body belongs to. I see kindness, love, friendship. And no, I don’t love you despite the imperfections. I love you because of them. Because every single part of you makes you who you are, and that’s the person I fell in love with. I understand you may feel insecure, but I really hope I’ll be able to help you overcome your problems. Please, don’t ever think again that I’m shallow enough to break up with you because of any of those things you see when you look in the mirror that made you unsure of yourself. I’m sure of you, and I’m sure of us. You should feel like a strong, confident, badass woman that you are. And I want to do anything that’s in my power to make you feel that way,” at the end of the sentence he took your underwear off.

His lips soon wandered around your labia, kissing them, licking, and taking care of your clit with his tongue and lips. While he was doing all of that, his words resonated with you. While your body was filled with enormous pleasure, your mind revised his message. While his hands gently wandered around your body, while he was softly petting your body, your scars, you felt more loved and cared for than ever before. Only then you realized that this situation was exactly the opposite of what you thought would happen. Your fear made you unable to see how much Joe loved you, how much he wanted to make you happy. You felt better about your body now than ever before. Because you saw him treating it with such love and worship, because you realized he doesn’t mind all of the things you managed to convince yourself were too big and hideous for him to see you as sexy. You tried to hide from him, but actually, if he was able to see you long ago, your journey toward self-acceptance would have started long ago. And of course, it was not the end of it, it was just the beginning. But it was the first time you ever felt that maybe you aren’t that bad, that maybe you can be loved exactly for who you are.

Joe was being extra gentle with you. He made sure to kiss and touch every part of your body, so you were aware of it, but not ashamed of it. Of course he was worried about your mental health, because he wanted you to feel happy, and to never again feel the need to scar yourself. But the scars in itself were nothing he couldn’t live with. Actually, he didn’t mind them at all, as long as they were a memory of the past, not fresh signs you’re unwell again. He wanted you to feel good and safe with him.

You didn’t want to be on top, not that night. You already felt exposed, it was definitely enough for one day. But you felt really good when you two did it in the missionary position, with him being on you, protecting you, as if you were under his wings (after all, he was your guardian angel). He pet your cheek and smiled, admiring you. His thrusts were slow and gentle, he was being very careful with you that night, almost as if it was the first time you two ever had sex together. You didn’t mind that at all actually. You felt appreciated, especially when he planted kisses all over your face, making you chuckle. After sex, when he lay down next to you on the bed, he let you hide your body under the quilt. It was enough for one day, he didn’t want you to feel too exposed. But for you it didn’t feel like a necessity anymore, you didn’t immediately cover yourself up like you used to. That night you covered both of you, and simply hugged him. He smiled and kissed your head. That night you went to sleep without clothes on, and you let him pet your body under the quilt. It was just a beginning, but it was a step in the right direction on the journey of self-acceptance.

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glitxhwayventeen · 3 years ago

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Ghostin

Seungkwan: Chapter 3 (Never Enough)

Characters: Seungkwan x female reader

Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst (a shit ton of sadness honestly), semi-unrequited love, death mentions, mental illness (depression), runaway mates, family fighting, implied violence. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.

Author’s Note: Okay so this chapter is a bit shorter than I had anticipated, but please bare with me. The next one for him should get pretty intense and I think it’ll be worth it. But this chapter had to slow it down a bit for explanation purposes. And I’m sorry for all the Angst recently, I’m better at writing that than I am fluff or smut. But I swear, Hansol and Chan’s chapters won’t be as edgy.

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

🥀

Ghostin Master List

Chapter 3: Never Enough

It had been almost a week since you left. Seungkwan barely left his room. He hardly ate. He hardly slept. Hell, he hardly even cried anymore. He just stared up blankly at his ceiling. He was just doing the absolute bare minimum to stay alive for his pack, and that’s mostly because you asked him to. But he didn’t want to continue his life without you, even if you didn’t love him, he still loved you. You were everything to him. Living a life without you wasn’t a life Seungkwan thought was worth living.

At this point, anytime he slept and dreamed, it was of you. Whether it be some small memory he had with you, or just a random nightmare that terrified him to his core, it was always you. It killed him to see you without ACTUALLY seeing you, so he tried not to sleep much. Of course, he still did. He had to, and when he did, he always dreamt of you. And it seemed he wasn’t the only one who had that problem now…

Flashback

“How could you?!? How could you make her leave?!?” Seungkwan screamed at the top of his lungs at the older wolf, having to be held back by his other brothers so he wouldn’t lunge at him after he had spent hours outside looking for you.

He came home dirty, covered from head to toe in twigs, leaves, mud, and dirty. He tried to track you, he really did. But you were just… gone. He tried to follow the pull, but it always lead him back home, the last place he had seen you. He knew you must’ve used your powers or some sort of spell to mislead his instincts. You didn’t want him to find you, you left for his own good, and it broke him fragile little heart.

“Seungkwan… I’m sorry. I didn’t think- I didn’t think she’d actually leave you I-” Jihoon tried, still at a loss for words from the events that happened only hours ago.

“You fucking asshole!! I hate you! I HATE YOU!” Seungkwan cried out with mud streaking his face, trying to tear himself out of the other pack members grips to get to him, failing miserably due to his lack of strength.

“I HATE YOU! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!” He sobbed into the closest members shoulder, finally letting himself fall to the floor in agony.

“I hate you… I hate you… How could you… I hate you…” he continued to mumble as Soonyoung started to comfort the younger wolf, rubbing his back softly while whispering words of encouragement to him.

Jihoon couldn’t believe what had happened. You actually left his brother to fend for himself. Seungkwan was too devastated to even speak coherently. You hadn’t actually denied him, you wanted to be sure he still had a chance at living and denying him would’ve killed him, but you could make sure he didn’t find you. And that’s apparently what you had done. You made true to your promise of leaving Seungkwan so that he could be happy. He could never blame you for it, he loved you, you were his mate after all. So that only left one other person he could blame it on…

“Jihoon… you fucking prick… I fucking hate you… I fucking HATE you…” Seungkwan whimpered out in the direction of the older wolf, still laying on the floor with his brothers surrounding him to be sure he didn’t hurt himself.

“Okay that’s enough. I think Seungkwan needs to go and rest. Hansol, you and Seokmin will be in charge of him. Take him up to his room and stay with him. He’s had a long day and- and he just really looks like he needs to sleep.” Jeonghan decided as the one currently in charge.

As one of the Alphas, it was his job to remain impartial and make sure everything was running smoothly. Usually, it was Seungcheol’s job as he was physically the oldest, but he went out with a few of the others to try and find you. So it was left to Jeonghan to take care of the remaining pack. But seeing his brother so broken and hurt from losing his mate tore at his own heartstrings. He decided it was best he be kept in his room under supervision to be sure he didn’t hurt himself.

“And YOU!” Jeonghan quickly turned and pointed to Jihoon, who was standing with wide eyes, clearly caught off guard by the sudden demeanor change in the older wolf.

“You come with me NOW!” He barked, walking to the back patio with the smaller boy following his exit.

“What the actual HELL were you thinking?!?” Jeonghan demanded, his eyes already starting to shift to red as he angrily stared his baby brother down.

“I- I don’t know. I just wanted her to treat him better. We all did. But she just- she just left…” Jihoon stuttered, not quite used to being yelled at by anyone.

He generally kept to himself and out of trouble. But this time, he was the direct cause of it. There was no denying it. And he had no fucking way to fix it. His brother was gonna hate him forever and NEVER forgive him. Even if he managed to find a way to get you back to him, he fucked up too badly.

“You damn well KNOW it wasn’t your place to say anything. It wasn’t YOUR mate with the problem so you shouldn’t have had a fucking say. And now look what you’ve done! You’ve made Seungkwan’s mate run for the hills and now he could DIE! Do you even realize the severity of the situation you’ve just made Jihoon?!?” Jeonghan screamed while throwing his hands in the air, really wanting to punch him in the face but knowing that that would solve none of the problems he was listing off in his head.

Jeonghan was the silly alpha who liked to have fun and pull pranks. He was NEVER the one to handle the serious situations. And generally speaking, when he did, he always found it easier to sit down and talk to the others on a peer level. But he was BEYOND pissed. And Jihoon knew why. Seungkwan was one of the kindest most innocent people he’d ever met. And he had just scared off his mate by running his big fat mouth off. He deserved the harsh treatment his brother was giving him and much more.

“I… I know.” Jihoon responded, looking down at his hands that were now connected over his torso in shame.

“I REALLY don’t think you do know Jihoon. Seungkwan’s one of the few pack members who can keep us all together. Even if she hasn’t TRULY denied him, we both know someone like him could never go more than a few days without seeing his mate before getting sick and DYING! What do you thinks gonna happen to not just him, but the whole pack when he decides to give up?” Jeonghan pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, attempting to keep himself calm.

“I- I don’t know.” Jihoon whimpered out, even though he knew just how bad shit was gonna get.

“Well know THIS.” Jeonghan started with his index finger pushing into Jihoon’s chest.

“If ANYTHING happens to Seungkwan OR (Y/N), YOURE the one that’ll be responsible. And YOULL be the one to dig the graves before we kick your ass out of the house FOR GOOD. Am I making myself clear to you?” Jeonghan questioned through gritted teeth, getting more upset at him by the second.

“Yes Jeonghan Hyung.” Jihoon whined out with watery eyes.

“Good. Now you BETTER find SOMEWAY to fix the damage you caused, otherwise you better start looking for a new place to live!” Jeonghan spoke as he gripped onto Jihoon’s collar, lifting him up slightly during the conversation to show dominance.

Jihoon was terrified. He didn’t want his brother to die. He didn’t want to get dropped from the pack. He didn’t want you to die, even if he made it seem that way. He didn’t want a bunch of shit to set into motion because of his stupid actions. He felt like he was spiraling into a pit of despair. What was he going to do? His brother was gonna die and it was all his fault. You were going to die and it was all on him. He wouldn’t have a pack anymore and it was all because of himself. It felt like the whole world was closing in on him and he couldn’t breathe.

Suddenly, flashes of your and Seungkwan’s corpses flashed through his mind. You guys’s eyes were white and hallow and your skin was cold and blue. Your mouths were stuck open in horror and all the life had been sucked out of the both of you. He killed you both. He killed you both. HE killed you BOTH. WHAT DID HE DO?!?!

Jihoon sat up gasping for air. He started patting his head and body, making sure they wouldn’t pass through him to prove he was awake. It was a dream. It was a dream. He was still alive. Seungkwan was still alive. You were still alive, at least he hoped. That thought frightened him more than anything, but he tried not to give into that fear.

He slowly laid back down to slow his rapidly beating heart and began breathing in and out at a deep pace. From through the walls, he could hear Seungkwan whimper in his sleep, his pulse beating as fast as a jackhammer. He must’ve been having another nightmare about you. Jihoon closed his eyes tightly.

He had to fix this. He had to help his brother. He caused all his pain. He was the reason he was alone in his room crying in his sleep right now. Seungkwan didn’t deserve what had happened to him. He was such a loving, sweet brother and mate. He had to get you back to him. But how could he possible do that? Your strange background meant you could do things they couldn’t even comprehend. You made it to where Seungkwan couldn’t even follow the pull. It was like you had vanished off the face of the Earth. So how the actual fuck could he manage to find you when even your own mate couldn’t?

Jihoon didn’t get anymore sleep that night, he staying up racking his brain on how he could get you to come home. And, by sunrise, he thought he had figured out a half decent plan. It was risky sure, but Jihoon would walk through hell if it meant getting you back to his brother now. He’d grovel on his hands and knees and beg you to come back with him if he had to. He had to rectify his mistakes.

He didn’t even care if he got kicked out of the pack at this point. He didn’t care if he lost his other brothers love anymore. All he cared about was Seungkwan and his sadness. The sadness he could hear every night. He had to bring you back, for Seungkwan’s sake.

And he was gonna do whatever he could to make that happen. Even if it meant getting himself killed in the process, he had to. Because even if he managed to lead you back home, no amount of sorrys or forgive mes we’re gonna bring his brother’s mind back from the abyss he had put him through. No amount of kisses or hugs from you were gonna have his brother’s smile shine as bright as it once had. Seungkwan was always gonna remember the pain of you leaving due to Jihoon’s hard words and actions. No matter what Jihoon did to try and make it all up to Seungkwan, it would Never be Enough in his eyes.

(Updated 8/23)

#seventeen #seventeen angst #seventeen au #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #svt au #seventeen x reader #boo seungkwan #svt seungkwan #seungkwan #seventeen seungkwan

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rhapshie · 4 years ago

Text

This was from a writing challenge I had in my discord server a while back. Never really shared it outside, so I thought I’ll throw it here. I don’t think I’ll ever post it on my AO3

Title: - Rating: M Pairing: Aomine/Kagami TW: Suicide. The other dies in the end too but due to an unrelated incidence.

17 January.

Am I okay? I feel like I'm falling back down. I never knew how much I like his presence until he's not there anymore.

Kagami was pretty sure he was in love.

But no one should take his word for it. After all, he didn't know the first thing about romance, so this could just be a stupid infatuation for all he knew, but he really couldn't help it. Aomine was... unreal. He was convinced that the Touou player wasn't human because how could someone be so dazzling? It didn't even matter that he had such a cocky attitude. If anything, it made everything that much better.

Because what was wrong with confidence when he had the skill to back it up? Besides, Kagami found that kind of sexy.

In fear of his own emotion, he hid.

Over the course of his second year, he slowly grew more and more distant from Aomine after convincing himself that this was for the best. It would be much easier on his heart if he never confessed, therefore he'd never get rejected.

That didn't stop him from pining from afar, though.

21 March.

Satsuki suspects that something's up but I really don't wanna worry her more than I already do.

It all happened too quickly and too suddenly.

Kagami was eighteen years old, attending the last year of high school in Seirin when he felt something was amiss. Initially, he ignored it, thinking that the sudden throbbing in his heart was just his imagination and he continued playing basketball. Interhigh was just around the corner and their first opponent was Touou, so he couldn't afford to get distracted.

However, the nausea persisted throughout the night. Kagami tossed and turned in his bed as he wondered what could possibly cause such agitation. Cold sweat ran along his back as he forced himself to get some shut-eye only to finally succeed at too-late o'clock.

Something was seriously not right, but he couldn't pinpoint what exactly.

1 April

I hate this. I don't know what the point is anymore. There's only so much that basketball can numb and I'm fucking hurting all over. I don't know how to reconnect with Tetsu and the others and I damn well don't wanna go to Kagami. Where is he anyway? Haven't seen him around lately...

Aomine wasn't there for their match.

And he wasn't the only one absent either. The spot next to Harasawa where Momoi usually sat was empty and the entirety of Touou seemed extremely distracted. Their focus was at an all-time low and they looked uncharacteristically distracted. Was it simply because of their missing ace? Kagami had a feeling that it was something else entirely. Judging from Kuroko's body language that conveyed discomfort, the redhead grew more certain that something else was gnawing on them.

No one wanted to tell him where Aomine was. They all simply turned their heads the other way and walked away, frustrating Kagami to no end. While he knew that they didn't look like the best buddies, he respected the other power forward. Kagami would go as far as to admit that he had a massive crush on Aomine.

Of course, it wasn't something he'd say out loud. In fact, instead of acting on it, he chose to stay as far away as possible. He figured that if he never showed any affection, he wouldn't have to get rejected. Better safe than sorry. Aomine looked like he was far from gay, so Kagami wanted to spare himself the heartache.

He knew he had no right to pry, but he felt like he deserved to know why Aomine didn't come.

13 May

All I do is hurt everyone near me even when they're just trying to help. Maybe it's better if I don't ask for help... It'll just be a pain in the ass. At the end of the day, it's my problem. I got no rights dragging other people into it, especially after what I've done. I'm so fucking tired. I'm so sick of feeling like this. If it wasn't for basketball, I... maybe I'd be long dead or something. Guess I'll have no choice but to keep playing.

Gone.

He was gone.

There was a deafening ringing in Kagami's ears when Momoi broke the news that Aomine had passed away. He had overdosed on paracetamol the night before the match. His parents were away on a business trip, so he wasn't found until Momoi broke into her childhood friend's place and saw Aomine's unconscious body in the kitchen. His skin was pale, deathly blue and icy cold.

Kagami didn't know what to say or how to react, so he only stood there.

He didn't cry. He couldn't.

11 June

I can't sleep. My head hurts. It's so pathetic but I feel so lonely... I still haven't told anyone, but I think I really should see a psychologist.

In the coffin lied Aomine's dead body. His silky blue hair was neatly brushed and there was no crease on his forehead. It was an unfamiliar sight for Kagami who could only stare at the man who would never again look at him with his electric navy eyes. Kagami would never again face him in a heated battle, would never again scream or be screamed at. There would be none of that infuriating lopsided smirk, that mocking laughter or the obsolete 'the only one who can beat me is me'.

He should be happy to finally be rid of Aomine's cocky attitude, but he wasn't.

Because it meant he would never see Aomine in his raw form, glistening in sweat and the joy of a child as he played the sport he loved ever again, nor one of his rare sincere smiles. There would be none of that husky voice haunting him at night when he only had his right hand as a company. Soon, the seat that Aomine occupied in Maji burger when they had dinner with the rest of the Generation of Miracles would be empty.

Kagami once again stared at the man who'd never again open his eyes. He looked so peaceful in death, unlike how he usually carried himself when he was alive and breathing.

And that was what hurt Kagami the most.

19 June

I can't do this anymore. No matter where I look, I don't see anyone who can help me. Besides, it's embarrassing to talk to them about this... shit. And I don't have money for psychologists either. Why are they so expensive? I sure as hell can't ask mum and dad because they'll end up grilling me about it.

In the months following Aomine's death—suicide, Kagami felt empty.

They found a journal under the man's pillow that detailed his slow spiral into depression. While he had his good days and things looked promising a couple of years ago when he finally regained the love of basketball that he thought he had lost forever, it didn't last.

He thought about all the missed opportunities that metastasised into regrets. There were multiple occasions when he was able to lend a helping hand, but all he ever did was chicken out. He was too scared of his own feelings for Aomine that he ended up running away.

Kagami wondered if he had talked more to him, he'd still be here right now. Maybe he was part of the reason why Aomine killed himself.

1 July

I'm getting really worried... The voices in my head won't stop. Earlier I had to call Satsuki just so I can talk to someone. I don't wanna worry her... I really don't. But between her and my parents... I guess I don't have a choice.

They said time healed all wounds, but Kagami started to suspect that maybe some wounds were simply too deep to ever disappear.

It had been too many years since Aomine's untimely death and he could barely remember the guy's face or voice anymore, but it never hurt any less when he remembered the arrogant Touou ace.

"Papa!"

Kagami looked away from the newspaper on his hand when he heard his little girl running towards him with glee. Her fingers were stubby and she was still unbalanced on her feet. The sight never ceased to warm his heart.

Despite living with his beautiful wife that he didn't deserve, Kagami never really truly let go of his past. He'd done well concealing it, but he knew that his wife suspected that something was up.

There were lingering what-if's spinning in his head. If he had asked Aomine for a one-on-one that evening, maybe none of this would ever happen. Maybe right now, they'd be living together with a child of their own. Or maybe they'd still be friends, rivals, whatever.

Maybe if they celebrated their birthdays together, maybe if Kagami gave him that box of homemade chocolate hiding in his fridge for valentine's, maybe if they spent one more day together in Maji's, maybe Aomine would still be alive right now. Even if they ended up drifting apart or hated each other's guts, it would be much better than this.

It was stupid to wallow in regret, he knew.

However, the diary that Momoi insisted he kept burned a hole in the nightstand. It was a grim reminder of his failure; of his cowardice that cost him the one person he wanted to see smile.

6 August

What would he say if he were here?

Where did he go, seriously... it's been so long since we've last met or talked.

I guess it's the interhigh soon. Maybe I'll see him again then.

He didn't even know when he started to grow such intense feelings for Aomine. For years he searched, but could never really pinpoint the exact time.

"Kagami-kun, it's time to go." Kuroko gently put a hand on the door and glanced at his old friend with a pair of sympathetic eyes that turned even more mellow when he saw the worn diary on Kagami's lap. "Don't you think you've carried this weight enough?"

The redhead stared at the wrinkly paper before he put it neatly in his suitcase on top of his clothes. "I'll carry it to my grave."

"It wasn't your fault." Said the lithe male with a monotone voice, but full of sadness for those who knew him.

Maybe if Kuroko actually read through the diary, he'd change his mind, Kagami thought.

12 August

I really wanna tell him how much I like talking to him.

This is so stupid.

I texted him but he never replied. It's been 3 weeks.

Maybe he hates me now.

He knew that one of these days, he'd get himself in a pickle he'd never get out of. Today so happened to be one of those days.

Regardless of what would happen, he was happy that he had divorced his wife and she had the custody of their daughter. As for his friends... well, they'd live. Everyone knew what being a firefighter would entail. Lots of rescuing cats from the tree, fetching lost keys from the gutters, running into a burning building and in some cases...

Death.

Yeah, that was a thing too.

With a forced laughter, Kagami curled his head under his chest to avoid inhaling more smoke than he already did. However, all openings were sealed and he had nowhere else to go.

He really should've chosen another path. NBA, for one. By now, he'd probably be past his prime. 35 years old. He'd be retired with a lot of money. Definitely more than he would ever get by working as a firefighter.

As the fire licked the space around him and burnt wood toppling down from the ceiling, Kagami waited for the moment when one would crush him and put him out of his misery. Or maybe his friends would come in and drag him out.

"...gami..."

The redhead lied on his stomach, eyes glassy as he watched the building structure crashed down all around him.

"Oi, Bakagami! How long are you gonna sulk for?"

"I'm not sulking..." He mumbled under his breath. "...Ahomine."

Ah, yeah. That was what he sounded like. Low, husky and seductive voice that he couldn't get enough of.

"C'mon, let's play." Those lips upturned into a grin and even though the rest of his face was obscured by the light, Kagami could clearly see beautiful deep blue eyes and frown lines on his forehead. "You were the one who bugged me, so just get up already."

"You're not an early riser, idiot. Why are you so—" he coughed after a particularly nasty inhale," so eager..."

"Hurry or I guess we won't play. I'll give you five minutes."

"Five minutes? I'll whoop your ass in three." He snorted inbetween his coughing fit.

"After all that talk you're just gonna lie there? I know you only had like, 3 hours sleep, but I thought you've been looking forward to this."

He felt his eyes slowly closing.

"Daiki..." He heaved tiredly. A piece of wood fell on his thigh and he bit out a scream when it charred his protective gear. Even through it, he felt the deathly heat. "I—Argh!" He didn't even know what the fuck that was but he was pretty sure it crushed his left leg. "I'm sorry. I'll be there soon."

"Fine," The light slowly eased as Aomine's head blocked the source of light to create a halo. Tanned skin, boyish grin and eyes that were positively brimming with life. "I'll wait for you."

15 August

If there's a life after death.

I wonder if they play basketball?

If they do, maybe I'll get to play with him again one day.

#aokaga #aomine daiki #kagami taiga #knb #mine

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sorry-apsalar · 4 years ago

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I Don’t Want You Dating Other Robots

I wanted to write a fic in which Bender was compelled to make the first move and discovery wrote my way into writing this. I don't know if this even really counts as him making a move, he kinda just stumbles into it after being an asshole for a while.

Going to the bar with Fry, Leela, Amy, and Kif was supposed to have been fun. It had been for a time until Fry decided he wanted to ditch the group to flirt with seemingly every other man in the bar. Okay maybe it was only one other man but he was rather handsome and a robot. And to as a cherry on top of this cake of what the fuck, he seemed to be into Fry. Which just didn’t make sense because it was Fry, how could anyone be into Fry? Especially a fellow robot?

“Is there any particular reason you’re glaring so intently at Fry and his new friend?” Leela, sitting across the table from him, asked.

“No!” Bender lied. … Actually though, he was too grumpy about it to keep it to himself. “Why is he flirting with a bot?” He gestured angrily in their general direction. “He already has a robot best friend, isn’t that enough?” What did that bot have that Bender didn’t? “And why does it look like he’s flirting back? Surely he can do better than Fry.”

“You sound jealous,” Amy said from her spot next to Leela.

“I am not. I’m just angry because it doesn’t make sense.”

“Well,” Leela said with a sigh, “if it makes you feel any better, I’m a little jealous too. He only just came out to us as gay last week and he’s already having more luck with men than I ever have.”

“Ah Leela,” Amy put an arm on her shoulder, “that’s not true. He’ll only have had more luck than you if he can actually get a boyfriend and keep him for more than a few days. Which well…” she glanced back over her shoulder at them, “it looks like might be the case. They seem to be hitting it off quite well.”

“Not if I can help it.” Bender slammed his hand on the table as he stood up.

“Uh… maybe you shouldn’t,” Kif said in a meek voice.

Without looking at him, Bender flipped him off, ignoring his shocked and offended gasp as he left.

“Hey Fry,” he said a bit louder than was necessary as he reached Fry and his new ‘friend’. “How’s it going?” He placed himself right next to Fry, standing a bit closer than needed, to glare at the other robot.

“Oh hey Bender.” Fry’s voice had that loose quality to it that indicated he’d crossed the border of tipsy into drunk a couple drinks ago. “This is Samuel. He’s really nice.”

Bender crossed his arms as he looked Samuel up and down. “I’m sure he is.”

Unsurprisingly, Samuel was visibly uncomfortable. His eyes shifted from Bender to Fry as if trying to figure out what their relation was to each other.

“And Samuel,” Fry said, too drunk and too stupid to notice the tension, “this is Bender, my best friend in the whole universe.” He put a clumsy arm around Bender’s shoulders and patted him on the front, making a loud clang. That… somehow eased Bender’s anger a bit.

“Oh friends, I see,” Samuel said, at ease now. Which just made Bender annoyed again. “Nice to meet you Bender.” He held out a hand, offering to shake like some kind of polite jackass. Bender ignored it.

Instead he put an arm around Fry’s shoulders, encouraging him to lean even more into him than he was already starting to. “Speaking of that, come on Fry, we got important best friend stuff to do, remember?” He said as he turned away, pulling Fry with him.

“Huh?” Fry mumbled sounding almost a little like Farnsworth. “What stuff?” He was way too drunk to be flirting with anyone so really Bender was saving him from a potentially not good situation; the only person allowed to rob Fry while he was too drunk to do anything about it was Bender. It had nothing to do with jealousy or fear of being left behind.

“Just stuff.” Bender would have to think of something in the next few minutes – or not, Fry was too drunk to care really – all that mattered though was that Fry wasn’t flirting with Samuel anymore.

Back at their table, Amy grinned up at them as they approached. “And you say you’re not jealous. Though I’m not sure if it’s romantic jealousy or just you being you again. It’s hard to tell with you sometimes.”

“My money’s on the former,” Leela chimed in as if she even knew anything about romance.

Bender glared at both of them and Kif too for good measure because he was with them. “What do you guys even know? Nothing, that’s what. Now if you’ll excuse me, we’re going home, we have best friend stuff to do.”

“Did we have plans I forgot about?” Fry asked as he was pulled away. Bender ignored him.

“Oh, I get it,” Fry said a short while later as they were reentering their apartment.

“Get what?” Bender asked as he released Fry at last.

Fry didn’t break away though, he remained gripping Bender’s arm for balance. “You were jealous because I was flirting with another robot, right?”

“Uh what? No! Why would I be jealous of that?”

“Because you’re worried I’m going to replace you or something, right?” He didn’t give Bender any time to even try to reply before continuing. “But you don’t need to worry about that, okay? You were my first friend here in the future and honestly, you’re the greatest friend I’ve ever had. So you mean the world to me and no one could ever replace you, you’ll always be my best friend no matter what.” Grinning like the drunk idiot he was, Fry leaned in and patted Bender on the chest before finally pushing away and stumbling drunkenly over the couch, leaving Bender standing awkwardly by the door.

“I want more than just that though.”

Bender had whispered it and hadn’t meant to voice it at all really but Fry looked up at him. “Huh? What’d you say?”

“Nothing!” Bender snapped more intensely than intended. “I didn’t say anything.”

Fry gave him a confused look before shrugging it off and turning his attention to retrieving the TV remote from the coffee table, a task made more difficult by his inebriation. Good, he was dropping it.

Trying not to be awkward about it, Bender strode over and sat next to him. Okay so maybe he was a little jealous Fry had been successfully flirting with another robot and maybe that jealously did have its roots in how he felt about Fry and the fact that he was suddenly far more aware of the fact he didn’t just want to be best friends. It wasn’t a feeling he should be having because Fry was a human on top of the fact that Fry had just confirmed he’d only ever see Bender as a friend. But just like how he wasn’t supposed to have feelings in general, it was a feeling he had and couldn’t get rid of, especially now that he’d acknowledged it. Acknowledging one’s feelings always made them stronger which is why he typically tried not to whenever it was a feeling he didn’t want but it was too late now and it was all Fry’s fault, Leela and Amy’s too for being the one’s to bring up the possibility in the first place. All three of them could go fuck themselves, especially Fry, making him feel things, how dare they? Well, he was going to pretend he felt nothing until it eventually became the truth just to spite them.

It didn’t go away though. If anything, it only grew stronger. His jealousy did too every time he caught Fry flirting with someone, especially if they were another robot because that just hit too close to home. Unfortunately, Fry seemed to have a preference for robots, making it that much worse. What did any of those bots have that Bender didn’t? He was better than all of them combined, why wasn’t Fry even remotely interested in him like that?

Fry somehow even managed to go on three dates despite Bender’s best efforts, only one of which was with another human. Bender sabotaged all three of course, ruining Fry’s chances of going on any further dates with those people. During the first one he’d tried to be discreet but ultimately failed and didn’t even bother trying for the other two. Which inevitably led to Fry confronting him about it.

“I’m beginning to think you have a problem with me dating people,” Fry said, giving Bender a side-eye glare as they returned home. Despite the damage done to his clothes as a result of the small explosion Bender had caused to end the date, he didn’t go to his room to change.

“What gave you that idea?” Bender replied, feigning nonchalance as he returned to his spot on the couch. He extended an arm for the remote but before he could grab it, Fry strode over to the coffee table and snatched it away. This apparently was a conversation they were going to have right now whether Bender liked it or not.

“I don’t know, maybe the fact that you’re always dragging me away whenever you see me flirting with someone. Or how you ruined all three of the dates I’ve been on so far. Which is just no fair because I’ve lived practically my whole life in the closet and now that I’m finally allowed to be out, I still can’t date or even flirt with anyone because you’re always stopping me. What’s all that about?”

Bender maybe should’ve prepared a response for when this finally came up but he’d chosen to spend his time doing other things instead. But it now left him floundering for an explanation that wouldn’t give him away. … So… “Stop dating and flirting with robots and I’ll stop stopping you.” Maybe he could brush thing off as him disapproving of robo-sexual relationships. It was more accepted these days but there were still quite a few people who looked down on it. He’d never been one himself because why would he care what other people did if it didn’t involve him? But Fry shouldn’t know that about him.

Crossing his arms, Fry frowned down at him. “Who I date is none of your business. And… and… you’re not my dad so I’m not going to let you stop me. I can do whatever I want now and I’m going to so fuck you.” With that he turned and stomped out which was bad enough on its own but he brought the remote with him.

Bender glared after him. Maybe he should follow, make sure Fry didn’t do something stupid or something Bender didn’t want him to do. … Nah, that’d just make him madder. As it was he’d probably get over it in a few hours, a day or two at most. So instead, with the robot equivalent of an angry sigh, he extended an arm to turn on the TV that way which sucked because no one should have to do that. When Fry returned it better be with the remote or there’d be hell to pay.

A Week or so Later

Fry wasn’t over it. He didn’t seem actively mad anymore but he did avoid Bender. He even went out alone in the evenings, not returning until late at night or in three instances the next morning. Unbearable!

Bender inevitably ended up waiting up for him one night because this just couldn’t stand. What he’d say when Fry got here, he didn’t know nor did he care yet, he’d figure it out in the moment. He didn’t drink while he waited because how could he when Fry disdained his company so much? … Also, it should earn at least some pity points; Fry couldn’t possibly stay mad at him when he was pitifully inebriated, right?

Despite his best efforts though he wasn’t quite as inebriated as he wanted to be when Fry finally returned. He faked it good though, turning his head as Fry opened door and making a pitiful moaning sound.

Fry closed the door behind him with a sigh before turning to look at Bender lying on the couch. “Really Bender? Can’t you just apologize like a normal person?”

“Maybe I don’t want to apologize.” He had sort of been planning on it but… there went that. And now they were probably just going it fight again, great.

But… instead of making a retort, Fry shook his head, rolling his eyes as he turned away. He didn’t spare Bender another glance before moving on to his room. He didn’t even say any variation of ‘goodnight’ like he normally did when going to bed.

Why was he so mad? Bender just didn’t want him dating anyone, especially other robots. That wasn’t that bad. … Okay so maybe it was kind of bad if one didn’t know why Bender felt that way. … Ugh.

With a groan, he rolled over, off the couch and onto his feet. Low on fuel and power due to the time of night, the world swayed around him, almost making him fall over. He shook it off though and stumbled over to Fry’s room with little mishap. He knocked but… got no answer. Not surprising really so instead he just opened the door and poked his head in.

Fry was inside of course, sitting on his bed, half undressed and now giving Bender an annoyed glare. “What do you want? It’s late, I’m trying to go bed.”

That wasn’t a demand to get out so Bender stepped in, closing the door behind him so he could lean back into. “All those times I interfered with your love life it was because I don’t want you dating other robots.”

“Um… what? I’m pretty sure you already made that clear.”

“I don’t have a problem with humans dating robots or whatever I just don’t want you dating other robots, okay?”

“Uh… why specifically me?” He really didn’t get it.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” Bender was probably out of it enough to say it too if he were pushed far enough.

“Say what?” Gosh, while Fry’s stupidity was often charming or worth a good laugh this was just frustrating.

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t date people, especially robots, who aren’t me.” If he had to say it any clearer than that he was going to blow gasket.

Fry stared blankly off into the corner of the room as his mind clearly worked through what those words meant. The moment it clicked was clearly visible on his face as he snapped his gaze back onto Bender. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. I know you don’t feel the same or whatever so I’ll just go now. Sorry for messing with your love life, I’ll stop now.” And hate every single second of it but what else could he do?

Careful of his compromised balance, he turned to go. Before he could do any more than grasp the doorknob though…

“Wait,” Fry called him back. “Why didn’t you say that before?”

Having turned back to face him, Bender shrugged. “Why would I when you’re clearly not interested?”

Fry stood up. “What if I am interested though and just never really thought about? Because like… you’re my best friend so I kind of never considered it I guess because you were just the too obvious choice or whatever. And even if I had thought of it, I never would’ve believed you’d be interested.”

“So… are you saying that you are interested?”

“I uh… yeah, I guess now that I’ve thought about it, I am.”

This was an unexpected development but Bender wasn’t going to question his good fortune. “Oh uh… in that case, want to go out for drinks sometime as like a date or something?” Wow, what a way to ask, he really needed some booze and a good sleep to recharge.

With a nod and grin, Fry stepped closer to him. “Sure, sounds like fun!” There was a long almost awkward pause before he continued. “So uh… what now? Do we kiss?”

Bender shrugged because of all the ways he’d ever gotten himself into a romantic relationship this was undoubtedly the most awkward. “Do you want to?”

Fry shrugged too. “It’s late so maybe we should just go to bed talk about this more in the morning. And uh hmmm… I guess since you’re already here you can spend the night in here with me if you like. I even got some beer stashed in the nightstand drawer if you’d like some since uh… I know you need it and stuff.”

“Wow, we haven’t even kissed yet and you’re already inviting me to bed.”

Fry chuckled nervously as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess it is kind of weird, huh? I didn’t think we’d actually do anything though I uh…” he looked Bender up and down, “wouldn’t even know how to with you.” Meaning he hadn’t fucked any other robots like Bender had feared; things just kept getting better.

Bender didn’t know how humans worked in that area either, the only one he’d ever actually dated had been just a head in a jar. “We’ll figure that stuff out later. For now, beer and sleep is more than enough.” And maybe he’d trouble Fry for a kiss before they actually fell asleep or in the morning to really seal the deal on whatever their relationship had somehow just become.

#My writing #futurama #frender #fry/Bender #jealousy #drunkenness

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heartofether · 3 years ago

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Episode 16 - Lorelei TRANSCRIPT

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VAL

Warning: This episode contains discussions and descriptions of child abuse, and may not be suitable for all audiences. For exact time stamps and a full list of content warnings, please check the show notes. We suggest you check the content warnings regardless, since this is a bit of an intense episode, and contains instances of panic attacks, screaming, and violence. Listener discretion is advised.

AUTOMATED VOICE

[VERY SLOWED DOWN] Please state your message.

[THEME SONG PLAYS.]

VAL

Three-eyed Frog Presents: The Heart of Ether.

[THEME SONG FADES TO A STOP.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[INT./EXT. OUTSIDE OF LORELEI FOSTER’S HOUSE, DAYTIME.]

[THE SOUND OF A RAVEN CAWING IS HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.]

AGENT JUNE

Jeez, this place smells like a zoo.

AGENT MAY

I need to introduce the recording. Interview with Lorelei Foster, at her home. Part of Operation Saturn, phase 1.2. Conducted by Agents May and June. All— [CUTTING HIMSELF OFF] June, hey, stay in the car!

[AS HE TALKS, AGENT JUNE IS HEARD OPENING THE CAR DOOR AND STARTING TO STEP OUT.]

AGENT JUNE

What? Come on, dude, I’m getting impatient.

AGENT MAY

We’ll go up to her door in a minute. There’s just—I need to ask you something first.

AGENT JUNE

Oh. Why didn’t you just say so?

[HE CLIMBS BACK INTO THE CAR, CLOSING THE DOOR. AGENT MAY SIGHS.]

AGENT MAY

[SLIGHTLY NERVOUS] You are aware of the case of Lorelei Foster, correct?

AGENT JUNE

Uh, obviously. She was a part of some coven and they all went missing except for her. She moved to this house way outside of town and refused to show her face.

AGENT MAY

Well, under the naming conventions of Valencia and Wood, the Foundation believes that Lorelei Foster is what is known as a “Beastly.” What she could be capable of—it’s not something to play around with. Okay? She could be dangerous. Not deadly, per say, but still potentially devastating in her power.

AGENT JUNE

[PANICKED SARCASM] Wow, that’s super comforting, Agent May.

AGENT MAY

Just don’t say or do anything stupid, alright? Also, if when we see her, she looks, you know, different, don’t comment on it. Act like you don’t even notice.

AGENT JUNE

That’s all? Well, don’t worry about it, then. I’ve never judged a book by its cover. I’ll just stand there and act as well-behaved as I always do.

AGENT MAY

[UNDER HIS BREATH] That’s what I feared.

[THEY BOTH GET OUT OF THE CAR AND WALK UP TO HER FRONT DOOR. IT'S A LOVELY DAY OUTSIDE, WITH BIRDS CHIRPING AS IF NOTHING IS WRONG. AGENT MAY KNOCKS.]

AGENT MAY

Ms. Foster? This is Agents May and June. We’re with the Harper Foundation. We’re here to ask you a few questions.

[A RAVEN CAWS AS THERE IS NO RESPONSE.]

AGENT JUNE

Maybe she’s not home?

AGENT MAY

I don’t believe she ever leaves her house. Look at her car. It’s untouched. I’m sure she even gets her groceries delivered, somehow.

[HE KNOCKS AGAIN.]

AGENT MAY

We do not wish to harm you or bring you into custody, Ms. Foster. We won’t tell anyone what you are or what you’re doing here. We simply believe you may have some helpful insight on Ether. Just let us ask a few things, and then we’ll be out of your way.

[THERE’S A LONG PAUSE.]

AGENT JUNE

Maybe it’s a lost cause. Well, at least we can say we tried. Guess we should just—

[AS HE’S TALKING, THE DOOR CREAKS OPEN JUST A CRACK.]

LORELEI

You do not plan on taking photographs, do you?

AGENT MAY

We’re recording this over audio. Nobody will see your face except for the two of us, we promise.

AGENT JUNE

Yeah, don’t sweat it. We’re not gonna—[STARTLED] Oh my god!

[AS HE SPEAKS, LORELEI OPENS THE DOOR THE REST OF THE WAY TO REVEAL HER TRUE FORM.]

LORELEI

Is there a problem?

AGENT MAY

Not at all, Ms. Foster. Apologizes for my colleague, he is—

AGENT JUNE

[NERVOUSLY BLUFFING] I have a fear of new people. Yup. Terrified of ‘em.

AGENT MAY

[PLAYING ALONG] It’s tragic, really. Makes our job incredibly difficult.

LORELEI

[SUSPICIOUS] Quite.

[A BEAT.] Well, you said you had questions?

AGENT MAY

That we do. May we come in?

LORELEI

I would advise against it. Terrance is a pacifist when around me, but I am unsure of how he would react to new people.

AGENT JUNE

And who is Terrance, exactly?

LORELEI

A bear. [SADLY] Used to be a friend.

[A BEAR GROWLS IN THE BACKGROUND. AGENT JUNE MAKES A WEAK NOISE OF FEAR.]

LORELEI

I am still unsure whether his calm nature is because he maintained his human consciousness, or if I have some level of control over him that makes him do as I wish. Perhaps a mix of both.

AGENT MAY

Did you make him this way?

LORELEI

That much should be obvious, don’t you think? Assuming you really know what you’re talking about, and you’re not just bluffing.

AGENT MAY

We are somewhat familiar with your kind, but we’re always looking to learn more.

LORELEI

[SHE SCOFFS.] Is that what this is? You view me as a learning opportunity? Like a sample dragged in by the biology teacher for lab day?

AGENT MAY

Of course not. We’re just trying to learn more about Ether.

AGENT JUNE

I am very curious about how you managed to do it, though, if you care to indulge us?

[THERE’S A PAUSE.]

LORELEI

[SOLEMN] I never asked for any of this. When we attempted the ritual, our hope was that by the end of it, all of us would obtain the same level of power. Valencia told me it would never work. I had quite the rebellious streak back then, though. I didn’t believe him. Perhaps I should have.

If I had known that all of that power would have been channeled into me, I never would have attempted it. Now that time has passed, I realize how useless of a power it even is. What made Ether decide to curse me with it, I’ll never know. Perhaps we didn’t speak clearly enough when we did the ritual.

I had no idea what my limits were, or how to use my abilities. The consequences, of course, were far greater than I could have ever imagined. Terrance and Abigail were both accidents. Clementine, I turned her into a spider in a fit of rage. Scott happened when I was sobbing my eyes out, and he made the mistake of trying to comfort me. I am unsure if I intended to turn him into a snake or not. By the time River was the only one left, they came to me and asked to be turned into a cat. They said they knew I was bound to do it eventually, and they wanted to choose what animal they became. I did as they wished.

[JUST AS SHE SAYS THAT, A RAVEN FLIES OVER AND SQUAWKS. AGENT JUNE STARTLES, YELPING AT THIS.]

LORELEI

[SHE GIVES A DRY CHUCKLE.] I don’t think Abigail likes you.

AGENT MAY

You mentioned the consequences were far greater than you could have imagined. Was that in reference to the loss of your friends?

LORELEI

Oh, don’t make me say it. It would have been one thing if I simply turned my entire coven into my own little petting zoo. Now, however, I can never escape my own errors, even if I were to leave them all behind. I am forever haunted by the marks my ability has left. The bear paw that has become of my left hand. The raven feathers in my hair. The spider eyes sprawled across my face. The venom that drips from my fangs and burns my lips. And oh, how disappointing having the tail of a cat is, despite how elegant I thought it would be when I was a little girl. Cats used to be my favorite animal. They aren’t anymore.

AGENT MAY

Don’t you think River would take offense to that?

LORELEI

Hm. Perhaps you’re right.

[A CAT MEOWS FROM INSIDE.]

AGENT MAY

How did you access Ether’s power?

LORELEI

The same way I’m sure most people have. We did a ritual. Just as most of them do, it went wrong.

AGENT MAY

Do you know where exactly it went wrong?

[A PAUSE.]

LORELEI

Can I be honest with you? I have had years to think long and hard about the events that transpired that night. I read through our plans over, and over again, hoping to find a way to undo it all. After all of that, I came to the conclusion that whatever fault it was—whatever slip of the tongue or missing ingredient it could have been—none of it would have mattered.

Ether chooses who to favor and who to damn by the luck of a draw. Flip of a coin. It knows no order. It will do what it pleases. It is not a person, or a sentient being—it is a random number generator that can grant unlimited power if you get lucky. It’s a lottery of stones, however. Nobody is ever really winning, even those as fortunate as the Forget-Me-Nots, or those well-off enough to never hear about Ether at all.

[A PAUSE, THEN] Do you have any other questions? I’m rather sure my pets are looking forward to their dinner.

AGENT MAY

Just one: where is the heart of Ether?

[A PAUSE.]

LORELEI

I would be careful, if I were you. I’ve heard things, rumors, about your little project. Though I doubt you fully understand the dangers, seeing as you’re just the worker bees, hm?

AGENT MAY

It’s not my place to question, I’m afraid.

LORELEI

Perhaps you should. Never does anyone any good, blindly following orders.

[AS THEY TALK, RIVER MEOWS, PURRING AS SHE RUBS AGAINST AGENT JUNE'S LEGS.]

AGENT JUNE

[WHISPERING TO THE CAT] Ah—hey! Go away! Shoo!

AGENT MAY

If you could answer the question, I promise we’ll be out of your hair.

LORELEI

Hm. I’m afraid I can’t be of much help. For years, people believed Ether resided in the sky, but that is untrue. Though, during the brief window Valencia was willing to speak to me, he did tell me he had a theory—

[AGENT JUNE CUTS HER OFF BY SNEEZING.]

AGENT JUNE

[MUTTERS] Stupid cat!

[RIVER HISSES.]

LORELEI

[OFFENDED] I would appreciate it if you did not insult my animals.

AGENT JUNE

[CONGESTED] Then tell River to leave me the hell alone. Can’t you control them, or whatever? At least use your freaky powers to—

AGENT MAY

[OVERLAPPING] Agent June—!

AGENT JUNE

I just want this damn—

[THERE’S A TENSE PAUSE AS HE REALIZES LORELEI IS GLARING INTENTLY AT HIM.]

AGENT JUNE

I mean, uh, this lovely cat, to uh…I’m so sorry, ma’am, this has been incredibly rude of me.

LORELEI

[A BEAT.] What was your name, again?

AGENT JUNE

Juh—uh, Agent June?

LORELEI

Agent June. [SHE SAYS THE NAME WITH DISDAIN.] Agent June, do you have a favorite animal, by chance?

AGENT MAY

[WHISPERING, PANICKED] Don’t say anything. Just thank her and let’s go before—

AGENT JUNE

[OVERLAPPING] I don’t know. Uh, have you ever heard of Sonic the Hedgehog?

LORELEI

[MIXED WITH CONFUSION AND DISGUST] Sonic. The Hedgehog.

AGENT JUNE

[NERVOUS RAMBLING] Yeah! I was obsessed with those games growing up, and so I went through this whole phase where I wanted a pet hedgehog really bad, but my parents never let me have one. Said I was too irresponsible, or whatever. That dream kinda, like, carried over into my adult life though?

LORELEI

[NODDING] So, hedgehogs.

AGENT JUNE

Um, sure.

LORELEI

I see.

[A PAUSE.]

LORELEI

I do hope you’re happy with that choice, Agent June.

[A HIGH-PITCHED RINGING IS HEARD AS SHE REACHES HER HAND OUT. AGENT JUNE STARTS SPUTTERING IN FEAR.]

[EERIE AND TENSE MUSIC BEGINS TO PLAY.]

AGENT JUNE

[TERRIFIED] What the—?

AGENT MAY

Shit.

[AGENT MAY IS HEARD PULLING OUT A DART GUN AND SHOOTING A TRANQUILIZER DART AT LORELEI. SHE CRIES OUT A BIT, BEFORE STUMBLING, AND THEN COLLAPSING.]

AGENT JUNE

Did you just tranquilize her?

AGENT MAY

I didn’t have a choice. Come on, get in the car. The full effect only lasts forty-five seconds.

[THEY BOTH FRANTICALLY CLIMB INTO THE CAR, SLAMMING THE DOORS AS THEY GET IN.]

AGENT MAY

Are you okay? Did she change you at all?

AGENT JUNE

[HYPERVENTILATING] No, no! But it—this really weird feeling washed over me, like, like my body was trying to fit into a smaller one, I—that was the worst thing I’ve ever felt, oh my god.

AGENT MAY

[ATTEMPTING TO SOOTHE] Agent June, calm down. You’re safe now, okay?

AGENT JUNE

Yeah, only because of you. You just saved my life. I mean, technically, I would have survived, but I would have had to live out the rest of my days as a hedgehog!

AGENT MAY

[FRUSTRATED] Maybe if you had been able to hold your damn tongue for thirty seconds, this wouldn’t have happened.

[AS HE TALKS, AGENT MAY STARTS THE CAR AND SPEEDS AWAY, THE TIRES SQUEALING.]

AGENT JUNE

I’m sorry I was having an allergic reaction!

AGENT MAY

That’s no excuse for you to have said the things you did. I told you to keep it together.

AGENT JUNE

Stop trying to blame all of this on me. I don’t care if it’s my fault, I almost just lost my humanity. Do you know how horrifying that was?

AGENT MAY

[HE INHALES SHARPLY.] No, you’re right. You’re not entirely to blame for what just happened.

If only she had at least finished her sentence about Valencia’s theory.

AGENT JUNE

[GUILTILY] Yeah, that was pretty poor timing, huh?

AGENT MAY

We’ll find out one way or another. Might have to go back to Irene Gray.

AGENT JUNE

Ah yes, the other enemy we’ve made in this town.

AGENT MAY

I guess we’re going to have to find a way to change that, then. [A BEAT.] Turn off the recording, please.

[SOME SHUFFLING AS AGENT JUNE MOVES TO TURN THE RECORDER OFF.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER BEEP.]

[EXT. LEMONGRASS PARK, NIGHT.]

[IRENE IS SITTING IN HER CAR. THERE ARE CRICKETS HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.]

IRENE

I’m parked in front of Lemongrass Park. To be honest, I’ve never actually been here, even though it’s so close to my house. It’s small, but it’s a nice park. There’s a swing set, a seesaw, one of those metal slides that would always burn my skin during the summer. Some nice trees, too.

[REMINISCING] Do you remember when we would go to the park late at night? It was really stupid of us to go there after dark, honestly, it’s a miracle nothing ever happened. Well, I mean, you did hurt your leg that one time you fell off the swing, which I still feel bad about. It felt so serene, though. Like we were the only people in the world. We were still clinging onto our childhood innocence, and you, you were so fond of that park near your house, and I was so fond of the way you laughed. You’ll love this park, too, I think, if you ever get to see it. You always loved places where—

Wait, hold on, I think—I think Sadie’s waving at me. She’s sitting over on one of the swings. At least, I think it’s her? Not quite what I expected her to look like, but then again, I don’t know what I was expecting. She’s wearing all black, and has a striped shirt underneath her t-shirt, even though it’s hot as hell. Is this how emo kids dress these days? I think Aden said something about “e-girls” or something. [SHE SCOFFS.] Jeez, I need to start keeping track of these things. I feel so old.

She’s also wearing a black fabric surgical mask, with a white design? I’ve hardly seen people wear those outside of the medical profession—I mean, there was one time, but that was an outlier. [SHE SAYS THIS PART UNCOMFORTABLY BECAUSE THIS IS REFERRING BACK TO THE FIRST TRAILER.]

It must be her, though. Otherwise, why would she be waving at me? I have the box of film in the passenger’s seat. Avery and I talked today, and they were incredibly vocal about how bad of an idea this was, but they said I’m an adult and can make my own choices.

Avery is…well. I think they have good intentions at heart. They act indifferent all the time, and they’re incredibly mature, but they seem…I don’t know. Sometimes, there’s this, fear, maybe? That bleeds through when they speak. I think they try to hide it. Reminds me they’re still, technically, a kid.

Right, I feel kinda awkward sitting here while Sadie is staring at me. Guess I should get this over with.

[IRENE GRABS THE BOX OF FILM AND STEPS OUT OF HER CAR. SHE WALKS TOWARDS SADIE. WHENEVER SADIE TALKS, HER VOICE IS JUST SLIGHTLY MUFFLED.]

SADIE

[FROM AFAR] Irene, right?

IRENE

Yup!

SADIE

Wonderful!

[SADIE WALKS OVER TO IRENE.]

SADIE

I’ll take that.

[SHE'S HEARD TAKING THE CARDBOARD BOX FROM IRENE.]

SADIE

Looks heavy! How many photos did you take?

IRENE

[HANDING THE BOX OFF] Thank you, uh, I didn’t take these, though.

SADIE

I see. That’s a bummer. I thought I’d met a person of similar passions.

IRENE

Sorry to disappoint.

SADIE

Don’t stress it! Where did you get the film, then?

IRENE

[LYING] It’s from one of my dead relatives.

SADIE

Mm. Sorry to hear that.

IRENE

It was a while ago, so it's okay.

SADIE

They sure took lots of photos. Do you have any idea what they photographed?

IRENE

No clue.

SADIE

Well, I’ll do my best to get this developed. I’m staying with my uncle for part of the summer, and he never uses his dark room, so I have it all to myself. You know, he has this massive house, spends lots of money on rooms he never uses every time he gets a new hobby.

IRENE

Odd he chose Daughtler of all places to stick it.

SADIE

You know, that’s what I said! My professor went green with envy when I told her about it, though. She said this is a perfect town to take pictures.

IRENE

You’re a student, then?

SADIE

Yup! Majoring in photography, in case that wasn’t already clear. [SHE GIGGLES.]

Anyways, I’ll try to get this developed for you as quickly as possible. It may take a while, ‘cause there’s so much of it, so would you like me to give it to you in batches?

IRENE

That would be great, yeah. Um, thank you. Are you sure I can’t pay you?

SADIE

Oh, please, don’t worry about it. Like I said, I’m just thankful for the opportunity.

So, any other questions for me? I’m happy to answer them.

IRENE

Um, I have a bit of a weird one.

SADIE

Hm?

IRENE

Why are you wearing a surgical mask? Is it, like, a germ thing, or are you sick?

[THERE’S A PAUSE.]

SADIE

I should go get started on this.

IRENE

Um, you didn’t—

SADIE

[AGGRESSIVELY CUTTING HER OFF] Pleasure working with you, Irene! I’ll get back to you about your first batch ASAP!

IRENE

[TAKEN ABACK] Oh. Okay, then. Um, bye.

SADIE

Later!

[IRENE WALKS TO HER CAR AND CLIMBS BACK INSIDE. THERE'S A PAUSE.]

IRENE

Well, that was interesting, for lack of a better term. Sadie seems fine? I guess I just got a bit too personal with the mask thing. I mean, if it makes her feel comfortable, I don’t see why she can’t wear it. I’ll try not to worry about it. As long as she can develop the photos, that’s what matters.

Though I am kind of worried. I mean, Valencia could have taken, well, suspicious photos, assuming they’re connected to his research. I have no idea. I guess we just have to hope? Sadie seems pretty okay with minding her own business, it seems, so if I’m lucky, she won’t question it.

[HER PHONE STARTS VIBRATING.]

IRENE

Oh, hang on. Avery is calling me.

[A BEEP AS SHE ANSWERS.]

IRENE

Hello?

AVERY

Just making sure you didn’t get murdered.

[AS AVERY TALKS, THERE IS THE SOUND OF MASHING VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER BUTTONS AND JOYSTICKS.]

IRENE

[SHE SCOFFS.] Well, I didn’t. Sadie was fine. You really had nothing to be worried about.

AVERY

[DISTRACTED] I mean, it’s still a really bad idea to be meeting someone in the park this late. Daughtler is a small town, but even if we don’t have much of a problem with normal creeps, weird stuff is still kind of the norm, you know?

IRENE

Yeah, I’ve gathered that much, I—wait, hang on, are you playing video games right now?

AVERY

Dude, it’s just Stardew Valley. It’s not like I’m fighting anything.

[A RAVEN CAWS FROM THE GAME.]

IRENE

[AWKWARDLY] I don’t know what that is.

AVERY

That’s because you’re old.

IRENE

Hey.

AVERY

[OVEREXAGGERATED, FAKE] Ah no, I just got attacked! I gotta hang up, sorry Irene!

IRENE

You just said there’s no—

[AVERY HANGS UP.]

IRENE

[DEFEATED] …combat.

[SHE HUFFS.] Talk to you later, I guess.

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER BEEP.]

[INT. THE APARTMENT ABOVE THE OPEN EYES BOOKSTORE, NIGHT. A BUDGIE IS OCCASIONALLY HEARD CHIRPING OR FLAPPING ITS WINGS IN THE BACKGROUND THROUGHOUT THE SCENE.]

[HOLLY IS HEARD SORTING THROUGH A GROCERY BAG AND SETTING THINGS ON THE COUNTER.]

HOLLY

Is it recording?

PHOEBE

Yes, it is.

HOLLY

Cool, cool. I got eggs, by the way. I know you talked about wanting to try to make pie at some point, and you were running low, so.

PHOEBE

[SLIGHTLY OVERLAPPING] Oh, um, thank you! Um, why were you out so late, anyways?

HOLLY

Hm? Oh, just a nighttime stroll.

PHOEBE

[WARY] I see.

[HOLLY WALKS OVER, AND SITS ON THE COUCH NEXT TO PHOEBE.]

HOLLY

Alright, then. You have the next letter? I guess all that’s left to do is open it.

[THERE'S A PAUSE AS HOLLY HESITATES.]

HOLLY

You sure you’re okay with me being in the room for this? I know her letters to you were, well, personal.

PHOEBE

It’s okay, don’t worry. I—I trust you. I’m sure Grandma Doe would, too.

HOLLY

[TENDERLY] That…that means a lot.

[A BEAT.] Go ahead, then.

[PHOEBE OPENS THE LETTER.]

PHOEBE

Phoebe, If you are reading this, I assume you have successfully completed the ritual. If it was not a success, well, I have a separate envelope marked for you to read. I suggest you find it.

HOLLY

Almost want to read the other one just to see what it says.

PHOEBE

[UNSETTLED] I don’t think that’s a good idea. If the alternative was that bad, well. I don’t want to think about what could have happened to me.

HOLLY

Fair, yeah. Continue.

PHOEBE

[SHE CLEARS HER THROAT.] If everything worked as well as I hope, then you have now stepped into your role as a Forget-Me-Not. I could not be more proud of you, little wildflower. What a lovely Forget-Me-Not you will be.

I have already warned you of some of the dangers, but now that this is your reality, I am going to begin to describe it all in more detail in order to prepare you. It is nothing I have not already mentioned in previous letters, however.

Now, let us start from the beginning: why did I name them the Forget-Me-Nots? Valencia thought it to be a rotten name. Too flowery, he said it was, too delicate. I believe it to be a sophisticated name. Better than the Hungry, or whatever other titles he’s come up with.

HOLLY

The hell is the Hungry?

PHOEBE

Um, I’m not sure. I’m sure we’ll find out?

HOLLY

Let’s hope.

PHOEBE

It goes on: Anyways, I called them the Forget-Me-Nots because it is not just about their quest for new knowledge. It is about the knowledge they already have. Sure, they know where to find any and all information, but what about that which is already within them? A Forget-Me-Not cannot forget anything. Even the tiniest detail, they will cling onto for the rest of their life. I still remember what I ordered at an Italian restaurant twenty-seven years ago. It was some mediocre chicken parmesan. The sauce was a bit too bitter for my taste, but I went back there because they had delightful breadsticks.

However, this is a double-edged sword. It is not just new information you will begin to retain. If only it was that simple. A Forget-Me-Not also remembers all which has happened before. This includes all of your life up to this point, from your early childhood, to more recent events.

When I chose you to be my predecessor, this is what I dreaded most. Your mother and I always considered it to be a blessing in disguise that you did not remember much of your childhood. I know you are aware of what happened, but the specifics are far worse than I think you’ve ever processed. I would not wish memories of that horrid time upon anyone, especially you. Your poor mother, my dear Agnes, she lives through them every day.

You may be forced to confront some of the memories of your father. The sick, rotten, vile man he was. I am eternally grateful I was able to save you from some suffering when you were a child, though I am deeply remorseful for all your mother put herself through. I wish I could be there to walk you through it all, to comfort you as you remember, but the circumstances are not in my favor.

You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, however, and you do not have to do it alone. Please do not hesitate to reach out to your mother if you find yourself needing the support. You could also talk to a friend—I’m assuming you have an abundance of those, you’re far too charming and sweet to not have any. Like I’ve said, isolation will only drain you of all you are. Nothing about this process will be easy, but I would not put you through it if I did not believe you could handle it.

Take your work slowly. Do not rush into it. Allow your mind to process the—

[PHOEBE SUDDENLY STOPS TALKING. THERE’S A LONG PAUSE.]

HOLLY

[A MIX OF CONFUSED AND CONCERNED] Phoebe?

PHOEBE

I— [A PAUSE, THEN] Sorry, sorry. Sorry. It’s just. [SHE TRAILS OFF.]

HOLLY

Is something wrong?

PHOEBE

Th—the letter, it’s just, um, got me thinking, I guess. About my father.

HOLLY

[CAUTIOUS] How much do you remember of him?

PHOEBE

[SHE GIVES A SHAKY CHUCKLE.] Oh, I’m trying to avoid that train of thought. I’m scared it will all come flowing in at once.

HOLLY

Oh, right, yeah. Try not to focus too much on it, okay?

PHOEBE

No, I’m okay, I just—I remember bits of it. More vividly, now, than I did before.

[WHAT FOLLOWS IS THE AFOREMENTIONED DESCRIPTION OF CHILD ABUSE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.]

PHOEBE

Have you seen the stuffed cow sitting on my bed? It’s so old and worn, but it’s one of the most precious things I own. Its name is Baby. It’s, um, a silly name, I know. I used to play pretend with it, though, and act like I was its mother. I cradled it, pretended to feed it. So I named it Baby. [A BEAT, THEN] I didn’t remember why I named it that until now.

My dad hated Baby, though. He hated that I was so attached to a stuffed cow, of all things. He would constantly use Baby to threaten me, holding his ability to take it away over my head, because he knew that was a quick way to make me upset. If it was his choice, I’m sure he would have destroyed it. Not sure why he never did.

One day, when he was in a bad mood, and my mom was at work, I hid Baby inside my closet. He stormed into my room, and demanded for me to give it to him. I lied and said I had no idea where Baby was, but of course he didn’t believe me. He tore through my room, ignoring my pleas for him to stop, until he found Baby and took it away. I was forced to clean up the mess he made before my mom got home.

When she did get home, I instantly went and hugged her legs tightly and sobbed. I told her that Daddy had taken Baby away, and ruined my room. She asked me to take her to my room, so I did, only to find Baby sitting on the bed, staring right back at me.

My dad came in. “Of course I didn’t take the stupid toy,” he said. “She probably just misplaced it.” My mom didn’t argue. I was outraged. How could she believe him? Looking back, however, she knew something was wrong. I know she did. Even as a kid, I could read it on her face. He didn’t give her a choice, though.

[A BEAT.] He let me keep Baby, at least. Though he warned me not to try to tell mom what he did ever again. Otherwise, he would be very upset with me.

[A WET CHUCKLE.] And I didn’t even face the worst of it. I would spend days, weeks even, here with Grandma Doe when my dad was especially bad. That’s why her and I were so close, and why I didn’t remember so much of what my dad did. My mom had to endure most of it, though. That is, until she was finally able to get a divorce. He was arrested for a few years, I never learned what for, but I hope it was for the right reasons. When he got out, my mom got a restraining order against him.

The last time I saw him was my eighth birthday. He didn’t get me anything.

[THERE'S A LONG PAUSE.]

HOLLY

I’m going to kill him.

PHOEBE

[NERVOUS CHUCKLE] I—I appreciate you caring, but—

HOLLY

[A BIT TOO ANGRY] No. I mean it. If he’s still alive, I’ll kill him.

PHOEBE

[SLIGHTLY STARTLED] I don’t know if he’s still alive. I mean, it’s not like I’ve made an effort to reach out to him, heh.

HOLLY

[A PAUSE, THEN, SINCERE AND EMOTIONAL] I’m so sorry.

PHOEBE

It—It’s okay! Really. I promise. It was a long time ago. It’s just…I’m not sure how much I’m going to remember. As time goes on. I mean, I’m sure I would have been forced to confront my childhood eventually, this is just kind of speeding up the process.

HOLLY

You can always come to me, you know. If it gets to be too much.

PHOEBE

I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you, Holly. Really.

HOLLY

Of course. Anything I can do. [A PAUSE.] Would a hug be okay?

PHOEBE

[SHE TAKES A SHAKY BREATH.] A hug would be nice.

[THERE ARE FABRIC RUSTLES AS THEY ARE HEARD EMBRACING.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

Today's quote is: "In every couple there is one who is the historian of the relationship."

Susan Sontag in Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963.

[OUTRO MUSIC AND CREDITS PLAY.]

[AT THE END OF THE CREDITS, THERE IS A BRIEF, HIGH-PITCHED RINGING NOISE, THAT BEGINS TO BREAK UP BEFORE STOPPING ABRUPTLY.]

#heart of ether transcripts

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ibijau · 4 years ago

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Worst engagement AU // on AO3

Nie Huaisang tries to make sense of his encounter with Lan Xichen, and checks on his friends.

After this intense encounter with Lan Xichen, Nie Huaisang is in a daze. He doesn't remember heading back for his cabin but he gets there anyway. The other Nie disciples, who were with him and Jiang Cheng when Lan Qiren caught him, throw him worried looks. He ignores them, and goes straight to his bed, curling up there with his back on the world and waiting for things to start making sense again.

Even if Lan Xichen sent his brother to say that he wouldn't denounce his infidelity, Nie Huaisang had still prepared himself for him to be furious next time they met. All week he's avoided his fiancé, certain they'd have a terrible row if they came face to face. What else could have happened, now that they both knew how much they hated each other, now that Nie Huaisang had betrayed vows others had forced upon him?

He’d been ready for a fight.

Even when Lan Qiren had dragged him toward the house, he’d continued preparing for a fight, wondering if it’d get physical, if Lan Xichen would be that angry, or if they’d just shout at each other, or…

Nothing had prepared for the sight of Lan Xichen seeming small and uncertain and almost scared of him. It was worse than when he had cried, that day. And then the things he’d said, wanting to be friends, enjoying Nie Huaisang’s company, that was…

There was no way any of it was true. Lan Xichen had to be lying. He isn't known to lie, he is too much of a stupid Lan for that, but this time he had to be lying. After the things Nie Huaisang did, after purposefully hurting him, how could Lan Xichen… it's so ridiculous that Nie Huaisang can't even bring himself to think that Lan Xichen might like him, even though he said that. Something like that is too impossible.

Nie Huaisang grabs his pillow, buries his face into it, and yells.

None of this makes sense.

"Nie gongzi, are you well?" Nie Fangjie asks.

"Am I ever well?" Nie Huaisang retorts, lifting his head from the pillow and grimacing as he places a hand on his heart. "Is life anything but endless suffering?"

Nie Fangjie smirks at his words, which is rather rude. But of course, Nie Huaisang gets dramatic sometimes, and people who know him also know by his tone when to take him seriously or not. He's worked hard on that, so he's funny rather than sad when things get too much.

“Did the encounter with Lan gongzi go well?” He Zimu insists, always the more perceptive of the two.

They don’t know what happened last week. Nie Huaisang likes them well enough, but he’s no fool and believes that they frequently inform his brother of what he’s doing. Even without that suspicion, he’d be stupid to trust them with such intimate information. They’re nice and friendly, but they’re not quite his friends, and he’s read enough trashy novels not to put himself in the power of anyone he doesn’t fully trust.

He hasn’t told Jiang Cheng either. Not in detail, anyway, just a general ‘I had a big argument with Lan Xichen and maybe went a bit far’ explanation. There’s a lot Jiang Cheng could forgive him for, but probably not having done the do with his sister’s ex-fiancé. And if Nie Huaisang had told him about the kiss, Jiang Cheng would probably have misunderstood and done something stupid like shout at Lan Xichen. Jiang Cheng is great, and Nie Huaisang likes him immensely, but when it comes to emotions he’s denser than a brick.

On the other hand, if he needs someone who sometimes gets it, there’s…

“I have to go,” Nie Huaisang announces, jumping down from the bed. “I need to check something with Jin gongzi.”

The other two boys exchange a look. Just like they are curious about what happened with Lan Xichen, it’s obvious they’re wondering about the falling-out with Jin Zixuan. They can keep wondering all they like.

“Will Nie gongzi join us at dinner?” He Zimu asks.

“Most likely,” Nie Huaisang replies. There’s no need to hide from Lan Xichen anymore, at least for now, so he can once more eat in peace. Hopefully, he'll start having appetite again. “And if Jiang xiong drops by, tell him I’m fine and I’ll see him later, ok?”

Just as quickly as he came in, Nie Huaisang leaves his cabin and rushes toward the Jin one. It’s not Jin Zixuan who answers the door when he knocks (it never is, someone is too proud for that) but he quickly comes to check when he hears who their visitor is. Unsurprisingly, Jin Zixuan isn’t happy to see Nie Huaisang, but he still orders the other Jin boys out and lets his guest in.

“I hope you have a good reason to be here,” Jin Zixuan warns as he goes to sit on a sofa. He pointedly does not invite Nie Huaisang to sit as well.

“I saw Lan Xichen today,” Nie Huaisang mumbles. “We had a chat.”

Immediately Jin Zixuan tenses, his eyes narrow dangerously. He’s scary when he’s angry, as Nie Huaisang recently discovered.

“Is he going to tell on us?” he asks. “I swear, my parents are going to murder me! My father would rather take one of his bastards as heir than a cut-sleeve, and my mother…”

“He’s still keeping it secret!” Nie Huaisang anxiously cuts him, and Jin Zixuan instantly relaxes, though he’s still glaring. “Listen, Jin xiong, I’m really sorry for even telling him. I know I shouldn’t have, and I’ll never do that again, I swear.”

Jin Zixuan raises an eyebrow. “I’m starting to see the value of your promises, Nie gongzi. Have you ever made one that you didn't break?”

“Don’t be like that!” Nie Huaisang pleads before, invited to or not, he comes to sit on the sofa as well. Jin Zixuan glares harder but doesn’t shout or order him away, so there’s hope. “I know it was stupid. But it’s fine now, Lan gongzi will keep quiet, so…”

“It’s fine now until you decide you want to annoy him again,” Jin Zixuan retorts coldly. “How can I know you won’t say something again?”

Nie Huaisang looks down and plays with the hem of his sleeve. He can’t even say he didn’t realise at that moment that it was a bad idea to tell Lan Xichen about their bout of experimenting. He’d just been so caught up in getting revenge that everything else had seemed secondary.

Well, everything else is catching up with him now, and all for a victory over Lan Xichen that didn’t feel all that great in the first place. He can still see the other boy crying and it twists his heart painfully. He's cried too much in his life to enjoy seeing it in others, apparently.

"Jin xiong, I'm really sorry," he whispers. "Do… do you think you'll forgive me, someday?"

Jin Zixuan scoffs and slumps rather inelegantly against the side of the sofa.

"Sure I will. When Lan gongzi stops being mad at you, I'll consider it."

"Oh. Well, I think he already stopped?" Nie Huaisang mumbles. "He wasn't angry when we talked, just sad."

"You bet he was," Jin Zixuan mutters, rolling his eyes. "All week he's been looking at you like a dog that was kicked."

"He did?"

Of course Nie Huaisang had noticed a certain intensity in the way Lan Xichen stared at him all week. He had assumed that it was just anger. What else could it have been?

"I swear, for someone so clever you really are stupid," Jin Zixuan sighs. "You're so annoying with noticing everything about everyone, but the instant it's about your crush…"

"He's not my crush!" Nie Huaisang exclaimed, horrified by the idea. "I hate him! Even if he tries to be nice, I hate him!"

Jin Zixuan throws him a long suffering look.

“You are too dense, so I’ll say it once and never again: I don’t think you hate Lan gongzi as much as you say you do. Not with the way it’s impossible to have a single conversation without you mentioning him.”

Nie Huaisang's mouth falls open in shock. There are not many people he would allow to judge his handling of his emotions. Jin Zixuan is absolutely not one of them, considering what a disaster he is on that front.

“You’d always be talking about Jiang guniang if I let you!” Nie Huaisang exclaims. "So… there!"

“That’s a different matter,” Jin Zixuan replies, his cheeks colouring somewhat. “You are the one who is making problems here, not me. Do you remember that list we made of who was best looking in our generation? You insisted to put Lan Xichen in first position.”

“I also put you on the list!”

“Considering just the week after you were nearly begging me to kiss you and then we did that, I don’t think you’re making as good a point as you think,” Jin Zixuan points out with a haughty smirk. “Which brings me to my next point: you kissed him. Most people don’t do that to people they hate.”

Nie Huaisang glares at his friend. “Most people are stupid. And he is so handsome, it’s not my fault… and what, you’ve never been curious about kissing Jiang guniang?”

“This is not about me,” Jin Zixuan hisses, his whole face quickly turning red. “You are so annoying, I don’t know why I bother with you. And I’m still mad at you, so I don’t know why I’m even chatting with you at all."

"Because you don't hate me?" Nie Huaisang asks, hopeful and fearful at once. "Because we're still friends?"

"You're the worst friend I've ever had, and that's counting my cousin," Jin Zixuan retorts. "We're still friends, though. But I'm really…"

He doesn't get to finish because Nie Huaisang launches himself at him and hugs him tight. In spite of his anger, Jin Zixuan allows it for a surprisingly long time before pushing him away, grumbling about propriety and how he hasn't forgiven him.

It's fine, forgiveness can wait. Nie Huaisang is just glad that he didn't mess up as much as he feared he had.

After being kicked out of the Jin cabin when Jin Zixuan reaches the end of his patience, Nie Huaisang wanders a bit in the Cloud Recesses while waiting for dinner. He doesn't feel like going back to his own cabin where his co-disciples might have questions, and he's not sure where Jiang Cheng might be at this time. Besides, a little time alone isn't unwelcome when he has so much to think about.

When the bell for dinner rings, Nie Huaisang has determined that he does not, in fact, have a crush on Lan Xichen. Jin Zixuan is just deluded and, quite frankly, very bad at emotions. There's nothing odd in the fact that Nie Huaisang acknowledges how his much hated fiancé is probably the most handsome person in the world. In fact, he's heard plenty of people say the same, so that's just a fact. The same goes for praising Lan Xichen's accomplishments: Lan Xichen is simply so talented in every domain that it'd be ridiculous to deny it.

None of that matters anyway, not compared to Lan Xichen's personality, which is the most annoying in the world. Sure he was surprisingly sweet when he was drunk, or whenever he got excited enough about something that it cracked through his jade mask. And he sounded different from usual when he said he wanted to be friends, but… but that doesn't mean anything.

Jin Zixuan is an idiot, and Nie Huaisang certainly doesn't have a crush.

Jiang Cheng is pissed off when they meet at dinner. Of course that's his natural state, and with Nie Huaisang a little distracted, it takes him a moment to realise his friend is, in fact, actually upset.

They can't really talk while eating, but as soon as they're done, Jiang Cheng drags Nie Huaisang to the training grounds. There's rarely anyone there at that time since the Lans like to meditate before sleep. That makes it a good place for a private conversation. It's also perfect to blow off some steam, which Nie Huaisang often needs after a meeting with Lan Xichen.

Today Nie Huaisang doesn't feel the anger his fiancé usually provokes, but going through the motions of drilling still helps, as does having Jiang Cheng correct his form. It's something to focus on, something that still makes sense.

"Put more weight on your left foot," Jiang Cheng orders. "You're out of balance."

"Tell about me it," Nie Huaisang sighs, right before Jiang Cheng hits his ankle with his sheathed sword, hard enough to make him lose balance completely and fall on the ground. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Focus!" Jiang Cheng orders. "Or else tell me what Lan Xichen said to distract you so much!"

"He didn't say anything special," Nie Huaisang mutters, rubbing his hip as he gets back on his feet.

He didn't fall very well, even though he should know better by now. It's one of the first things Nie Zonghui insisted he learned back when he was at home, and Jiang Cheng is usually merciless about it as well. That he doesn't comment on it says a lot about how upset he must be.

"He said nothing special, but you went running to Jin Zixuan for the first time since you had a fight with both of them," Jiang Cheng retorts. "Do you really think I'm stupid?"

There’s a hint of jealousy in his voice, as if he thinks that Nie Huaisang should have run to him instead of Jin Zixuan. He would have, if the argument had been about anything else.

"It's not… He just… he apologised."

Jiang Cheng’s anger turns to surprise.

"For what?"

Nie Huaisang shrugs. "Everything, really. For the… for the argument, and also for the way he’s treated me all along. He really sounded sorry, too.”

“And you believe him?”

Nie Huaisang shrugs, not quite daring to look at Jiang Cheng. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I was so sure he was a certain way, but last time and today… It’s weird when you think you know a person and then you realise they’re not quite what you thought.”

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Who knew you were that easy. He apologises once and everything is fine now?”

“He also said nice stuff,” Nie Huaisang mutters, a little embarrassed that he might, in fact, be that easy. “And he said that he wants to be friends. Not many people have said that.”

“What are you talking about? You have plenty of friends! Why would you need Lan gongzi as well?”

“It’s different,” Nie Huaisang sighs. “All the friends I have, it’s because I’m the one who decided it and I kind of forced their hand. Even you and Wei xiong... and don’t you try to deny it!” he adds when Jiang Cheng opens his mouth to protest. “I’m not saying it doesn’t mean we’re friends anyway! We are, you have no choice! But it’s… it’s kind of nice that for once, it’s someone else who looks at me and thinks I’m worth the effort. It’s… ah, you wouldn’t get it.”

Rather than to answer, Jiang Cheng stares at him a long while. So long in fact that it is starting to get uncomfortable.

“I think I do get it,” he huffs at last, avoiding Nie Huaisang’s eyes. “Growing up with Wei Wuxian, it’s… yeah, must be nice to be someone’s choice here and there.”

It’s an unexpected confession, especially coming from Jiang Cheng who’d rather die than admit he feels anything. It might be blamed on the falling darkness around them, or how tense those last few days have been, or just the fact that they are friends, and even someone like Jiang Cheng needs to say certain things sometimes.

“Well, I chose you,” Nie Huaisang says, trying not to cringe at how silly that sounds. “You’re my best friend and I’m happy I chose you.”

“Idiot,” Jiang Cheng grumbles, blushing enough that it’s visible even in the dusk light. “I’d choose you too, even if you’re always making problems.”

Nie Huaisang grins, and saunters to Jiang Cheng’s side, pressing their shoulders together. A full hug would have been nice, but he knows Jiang Cheng barely even allows those to his siblings. According to Wei Wuxian though, Jiang Cheng gives the world’s best hugs when the mood hits him. Then again, Wei Wuxian tends to consider that everything his siblings do is the best, so he’s not exactly objective, but Nie Huaisang hopes he'll be treated to one of those someday.

They silently stay like this for a little bit, until the first curfew bell rings, warning them that they need to head back to their cabin. They do that, walking slowly since they know they have a bit of time until the second and final bell. Nie Huaisang finds it a bit hard to put one foot in front of the other. It really has been an intense day, and he’s sure he’ll find it easy to fall asleep. That will be nice. He hasn’t exactly slept well since that last meeting with Lan Xichen.

“So, are you going to do it?” Jiang Cheng asks as they come into view of their cabins.

“Do what?” Nie Huaisang mumbles, blinking sleepily.

“Lan Xichen, that thing about him wanting to be your friend. Are you going to? Just because you like that he asks doesn’t mean you have to say yes.”

Nie Huaisang stops walking, too tired to do that and think at the same time. He still very much hates Lan Xichen of course, no matter what Jin Zixuan said earlier, because Jin Zixuan is clearly an idiot who is projecting his own issues onto Nie Huaisang. But at the same time, Lan Xichen made some good point in saying that they have things in common, and they are going to spend the rest of their lives together, and… and however hateful he is, Lan Xichen can also be kind of nice to talk to when he forgets to be stuck up, which he promised to work on.

“I think I will give him a chance,” Nie Huaisang decides, before laughing when Jiang Cheng immediately rolls his eyes at him. “What?”

“Nothing. But I swear, if you start talking even more about him…”

“Hey! At least I’m not as bad as Wei Wuxian with Wangji!” Nie Huaisang protests.

“Only because you can’t hear yourself,” Jiang Cheng grumbles, narrowly avoiding being elbowed in the ribs for that unfair accusation. “Too slow. You really need to train harder than that. I swear when you’re back in Qinghe, I’ll write to your brother to make sure you’re still practicing, and I’ll tell him to go hard on you.”

“Traitor!” Nie Huaisang gasps. “I take back what I said earlier, I wouldn’t choose you as my friend if I could do it again!”

“Not take backs,” Jiang Cheng retorts, pushing him toward the door of his cabin. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nie Huaisang grins and weakly waves his hand at his friend before going in. He barely manages to make it to his bed before he falls asleep, still fully dressed, and rests better than he had in a long while.

#xisang #worst engagement au #jau writes #I wasn't going to post anything today but then there's stuff not working at my job and I got nothing else I can do so #this chapter is mostly nhs's friends telling him he has a crush and him laughing it off because both jzx and jc are usually shit at emotions #so welp enjoy I guess??

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bewaretheidesofmarchyall · 4 years ago

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Soulmate Shenanigans Five: The Order Of The Shenanigans

Hey! Guess who has returned?

Me!

Just the March doing her prompt writing thing, as seen on previous episodes :)

Parts one, two, three, and four here!

Prompt #5

Any intense emotions your soulmate feels you will also experience

Warnings for kidnapping mention and gifted kid “potential” mention

Okay. Not going to lie, I kind of tweaked the concept, but I like how it turned out. The idea of the sides having sides in human AUs has been in my brain, and now it’s in yours!

World Building

At first, the symptoms of having a soulmate was seen as symptoms of witchcraft

It was a reasonable assumption to make, as seeing into someone’s head and emotions wasn’t really a thing that humans did.

However, as the population grew and communication across the globe became a thing, the instances of people finding their soulmates grew as well, and not everyone could be a witch (or, if they were, being a witch was simply being human).

It took a while for the culture around soulmates to shift, but shift it did, and people eventually figured out “Oh, that person is my soulmate, not my eternal enemy that I need to destroy via my demonic powers, which I totally have”

But people’s minds are kind of a lot, and it’s hard to process it all.

So, in modern day, people have learned to separate the pieces of their soulmate’s personality that they get bombarded with into different pieces, or sides

The sides are Logic, Morality/Emotions, Creativity (with there sometimes being a divide between dark and light), Self-Preservation, and Anxiety.

Characters

Roman: Roman is looking forward to meeting his soulmate so much!

Just...later.

When he’s a famous writer and people know about him and he’s evened out his insecurities and he deserves them!

Being perfect for them is going to take work, but most people meet their soulmates over 30, so he’s got at least fifteen years to prepare.

Until then, he was working on his fantasy story and dreaming of the day he’d get published or get the lead in a school play.

The writing club had been his idea, so you could say that everything that happens in the story was his fault. He’d just wanted to be around people who liked the same things he liked!

Roman’s Sides, ranked in order of how much control they have:

Note: Names are hard. Aaaagh.

Magnus, his creativity, romance, passion, etcetera. Magnus is really the one who calls the shots around here. He’s just as goofy of a fifteen year old (if not more) as Roman, but he has the unenviable position of running a mind palace and being the ego of someone who hates himself.

This guy just wants to listen to Hamilton, but noooo, he had to have an evil reflection of himself and self-worth issues.

The Count, his self-preservation and pretty much Roman’s inner Roxie Hart/Velma Kelly. Randomly suggests poisoning their mortal enemies a lot (note: they don’t have mortal enemies).

The most like canon Janus out of any of the self preservations, except instead of “we live in a society” it’s more “fuck it, we’re going to be *famous*!”

The other sides will pay him to stop saying, “that’s showbiz”

The Medic, his morality and emotions. Sort of has a medieval healer thing going on (which means herbs in a satchel, not plague doctor mask).

A lovely person on his own, but when he and The Guard team up, it’s ✨Guilt time!✨

He has the question of “Am I a terrible person?” on his hands, so...good luck to him. He’s trying to hold the five of them into a cohesive unit, but it’s hard!

The Guard, his fears and anxious thoughts. He has a shield and a spear, and is kind of dressed like a (dark and stormy) knight.

No one particularly likes him, but it’s his job to recognize The Shadow, so they all need him.

He hangs around on the outskirts of the mindscape, ever vigilant.

The Alchemist, his logic. No one listens to the voice of reason in this house. Al isn’t really a fan of this, and being Roman’s logic, he thinks that if he can find a way to prove himself it’ll turn out okay.

The Shadow, everything Magnus discarded. You could call him dark creativity, but he’s a lot more.

They used to call him Rex, when they were kids.

Patton: Patton isn’t thrilled with having to move to a new school, but he’s keeping a positive attitude

The new town is creepy and making friends is harder than he thought, and he just wants to right a sappy love story about ghosts without feeling sad.

But if he keeps his chin up, he knows it’ll all be fine!

And hey, maybe he’ll find people who like him in this writing club thing!

Patton’s Sides, ranked in order of how much control they have:

Patrick, his morality and emotions. Patrick feels all of the loneliness and desperation that Patton feels daily, but pretends he doesn’t feel it, since he has to be there for them!

Them meaning his family, meaning the rest of Patton’s mind, as well as Patton, since he’s kind of an older brother/role model to the guy.

Covering the full scope of human emotions isn’t great when the other half of your job is enforcing the sense of right and wrong (and the general consensus in Patton’s head is showing negative emotions = burden = wrong).

None of them can cook, but that won’t stop him from trying!

The Canary, his fears and anxious thoughts. Constantly popping up to remind everyone that they’re failing. It’s kind of his job.

Stress plays the piano when things get to be too much.

The Gardener, his creativity, romance, and passion. Conjures flowers a lot. Projects wishes for a soulmate into the sappy ghost love story, which he’s mostly in charge of writing.

Hasn’t split yet, but that’s mostly because nearly all of Patton’s negative impulses that would be considered “dark creativity” already come from The Miser.

Dr. Picani, his logical side. Knows everything about cartoons, and tries to be professional, but a complete sweetheart.

Secretly knows his name is Emile, but is waiting for the best moment to tell everyone.

The Miser, his self-preservation and deceitful side. No one’s a fan of him. Patrick is kind of his mortal nemesis (in the sense that Patrick claimed the title and he just kind of went along with it?)

Everyone else in the Pattonsphere refuses to curse, but he says many a “fuck” with ease

Trying to protect The Gardener from splitting by taking responsibility for most of the things a dark creativity would do.

Virgil: Virgil just didn’t want to join the yearbook committee.

It was irrational, maybe, to have a deep rooted hatred of the yearbook committee.

They were just trying to categorize things, design pages-it wasn’t malicious!

And yet, being in that classroom and seeing Amelia’s dead eyes and smile near rang every alarm bell in his system, so he needed a way out this year.

His parents weren’t going to let him not choose an activity, so he flipped a coin and ended up in some writing club.

He came into the club determined to fake some pretentious poetry about death. Just because they say the club’s about expression or whatever doesn’t mean that they can know anything about his comics.

Virgil’s Sides, ranked in order of how much control they have:

Dante, his fears and anxious thoughts. Dante has too many eyes. Dante is lowkey a cryptid, but he’s sadly a cryptid in charge of life decisions.

There’s no way to dance around it. Dante’s a spider-human hybrid.

Dante would prefer they never be perceived by anyone for anything. He does not want to be seen, he does not want to be heard, he does not want to be perceived. Period.

But he’s a very conspicuous spider-human hybrid.

The Competent One, The One Who Can Actually Do Math, Steve, whatever you want to call him, he’s Virgil’s logical side.

His theories are just....

See that image? That kind of sums up his characterization.

Parker, his creativity, romance, and heroic side. He’s the one who got them obsessed with comic books, and is trying to write his own. If people don’t like the comics, he’ll probably just start screaming and never stop

He gets the purple eyeshadow!

Remy, his self-preservation. He mainly just wants Virgil to just...rest

Nap. Sleep. Take a self-care day. This is Remy’s goal.

Also to continue to have the most style out of anyone in the Virgilsphere

Remy has a talent for never being anywhere at the right time, and then popping up at the worst moments, caffeine in hand.

Tam, his morality and emotions. The most into the emo phase out of any of them, since he feels all angst!

Sometimes just hovers and screams. Everyone’s pretty used to this.

Logan: Logan was trying to ignore the things he’d seen

Logan was a scientific guy. He knew that magic wasn’t real, that the fae were just stories.

So, clearly, the nightmarish things he’d seen that night were just that: nightmares. Just nightmares caused by stress over his academic struggles.

That was the immediate problem at hand: academic struggles. Logan was always the top of his class his whole life, and words like “gifted” were thrown around. Lately, however, things have been harder to keep up with and pay attention to, and it’s a bit of a mess.

Logan joined the writing club because he thought it might help him with English class, and he did like speculative fiction.

But, more importantly, he joined it because he thought it would be a simple task he could easily ace, so he wouldn’t have to keep being told that he wasn’t trying.

Logan’s Sides, ranked in order of how much control they have:

Mimir, his logical side. Mimir is pushing himself to take care of all academic matters and keep Logan afloat.

Mimir is over his head, but doesn’t really have anyone to talk to (or so he thinks), so he’s just putting Warby Parkers over his panic and faking cold distance to make everyone think he’s doing okay.

Alastor, his moral side. Half of his job is repressing Logan’s emotions, which isn’t a great thing to be doing, but he think he’s doing it for a good reason.

Kinda strict and blaming Mimir for everything going wrong. He does care about the others, he’s just bad at showing it.

Cassandros, his fears and anxious thoughts.

This dude-

He’s basically just [puts feet on coffee table] “Hey, did you know everyone hates us?? I made a PowerPoint that proves it!”

He’ll get character development, though.

The Chessmaster, his overdramatic self-preservation.

Tries to be clever, walks into walls.

The Detective, his creative and fanciful side. He wants to swashbuckle, but instead he’s restrained to geometry.

But now he has a project in the writing club! He has something to do!

And The Mad Scientist is trying to ruin it!

The Mad Scientist, Logan’s dark creativity.

They never used to care about the creative side one way or another. There was no need to make a dark side when it was already looked down upon.

Now, however, there are things in Logan’s mind that he’s trying not to think about, and so the Mad Scientist has joined the fray.

The Actual Plot

This is going to be an actual fic that I write. So, I’m not going to fill out the entire plot here.

I can, however say a few of the plot lines

Plot One: Everyone’s sides are in a state of constant screaming and must learn to communicate.

They also need to let their main guys figure out they have soulmates, because they’re all repressing that information for their own reasons.

Plot Two: LAMP in a writing club, falling in love and being disturbed by first drafts!

Plot Three: The fae are kidnapping people.

And everyone needs to get them to Stop.

I guess you could call this a trailer??

I JUST REALLY LIKE THIS IDEA

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summahsunlight · 4 years ago

Text

We Belong to the Stars, CH.30

Rating: Mature (18+ only)

Pairings: Poe/Skywalker!OC

Characters: Poe Dameron, Leia Organa, BB-8, Kaleb Skywalker (OC), Evelyn Skywalker (OC), Karé Kun, Iolo Arana, Snap Wexley, Jessika Pava, BB-8

Taglist: @ms-dont-care, @liadamerondjarin

Final chapter! Like reading this? Please feel free to leave a comment on the post, in an ask, or even a reblog. I LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU❤️

Slipping into Terex's compound was easy--thanks to Oddy. However, now that they were on the inside, Poe felt incredibly anxious. If they were caught there was no doubt in Poe's mind that Terex would hold them for bounties or kill them. He didn't know about Kaleb, but he was quite ready to die yet--and he certainly did not want to be a prisoner of the First Order. They needed to find Evelyn and get out of here as quickly as possible.

Poe gripped his blaster. They had also talked about the possibility that this was a trap sprung to capture Kaleb as well and Poe would just be the collateral damage. The pilot was certain Kylo Ren would have no problem executing him. They had never actually gotten along well as children.

Kaleb sensed the unease in Poe; he had the same concerns. Silently he reached out and placed his hand on his friend's shoulder. He noticed that Poe took a deep breath, and whispered to BB-8 to lead the way, to the cell that Oddy said Terex was keeping Evelyn in.

BB-8 cautiously led the two men through the dark, dank corridors of Terex's compound; alerting them when his sensors picked up another lifeform in the presence so Poe and Kaleb had time to conceal themselves before being spotted. The members of Terex's gang didn't seem to care about a little astromech droid. He led them down a dank corridor and stopped outside a small door, informing Poe and Kaleb that this was the cell that Evelyn was being held in. "Go on, Bee," Poe whispered, glancing down the hallway. "Open it. We'll keep watch."

"If we say run--move that little droid body of yours as fast as you can," Kaleb instructed.

"And meet us back at the ship," Poe told BB-8. "Don't wait for us, Bee."

Chirping in reluctant agreement, BB-8 got to work on getting the cell door open. The locks clicked and the door slid open. Poe waited for the droid to roll out of his way before stepping inside. He was partially ready for her coming at him--after all she had no idea that the Resistance had sent anyone after her--but his reflexes kicked in and he grabbed her wrist before she could hurt him. "Evie, it's me!"

Evelyn stepped back, blinking and then she lunged for him again, this time wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Poe could feel her legs give out as he wrapped his arms around her, and he held steady against him. "It's okay," he whispered in her ear, "I've got you. We're gonna take you home."

Kaleb watched as his sister let go of Poe and now threw one arm around him, drawing him into an awkward three person hug. He didn't care; they had managed to get to her before their cousin and General Hux. "Poe, we gotta get going before we get caught."

"Yeah," Poe whispered, releasing both of them. "Evie can you walk?"

"I...I think so...they gave me something... I'm a little dizzy," Evelyn replied.

Poe wrapped one arm around her waist and instructed Kaleb and BB-8 to go a head of them. He'd drag Evelyn back to the Mirror Bright if he had too. It was evident that Evelyn had been given some kind of drug, probably to control her Force abilities--she was clumsy on her feet, which wasn't like her at all. She normally moved about with such grace that at times she could appear to be floating.

BB-8 stopped, alerting them that someone was approaching. Kaleb and Poe scrambled to hide, squeezing Evelyn between them in an alcove. All three of them held their breaths as Terex and several Stormtroopers walked by them. "Kriff," Poe cursed, as he realized Terex was heading for Evelyn's cell. "We don't have a lot of time."

Kaleb unclipped his lightsaber. "Well, fortunately for us, Terex didn't give me drugs to affect my force sensitivity."

"What are you going to do?" Evelyn snapped at her brother. "Use your lightsaber to slice their blasters in half while all of them are firing on us?"

"Those drugs have made you snakier."

"Deal with it."

"Children," Poe scolded. "Can we get moving? I really don't want to become a prisoner today."

BB-8 beeped in agreement and then led them onward. Poe was pretty that none of them breathed until they were well out of Terex's compound and making their way back through the city. Even though, they weren't quite out of the woods yet. Once Terex realized that Evelyn was gone, he'd have his gang out looking for them.

Halfway outside of the city Poe was starting to get suspicious that their escape had been way too easy when Evelyn stumbled, an almost soundless cry leaving her mouth. 'Evie? What's wrong?"

Evelyn squeezed her eyes shut, tightly. "It's Ren. He's here--he knows where I am."

Kaleb grabbed her by the arm. "Push him out Evelyn!"

"I can't... the drug..."

"Get her on her feet, Poe; we don't have a lot of time."

"Don't have a lot of time for what?"

"Ben is using Evie to find us."

Poe looked at the painful expression on Evelyn's face as he dragged her, along with Kaleb, towards their ship. "What are you talking about?"

Kaleb yanked on Evelyn's arm, lifting her over a jagged rock. "He's pushing into her mind--he can probably see everything she can see."

Evelyn struggled to keep up with the two men. She doing her best to keep her cousin from entering her mind, but the drug made it difficult. It had completely inhibited her from tapping into the power. Which is exactly what General Hux and Kylo Ren would have wanted when they brought her before Supreme Leader Snoke.

Somehow, Poe and Kaleb managed to get her back to the Mirror Bright. They didn't mean too, but they dropped her roughly on the floor on their way to the start the ship up. Evelyn closed her eyes tightly, reaching out the Force and attempting to fight back against Ren's invasion. Vaguely she could hear Poe and Kaleb shouting at one another as they tried to escape--she wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but she knew that her cousin had sent a squadron of TIE=fighters after them. Poe was attempting to get assistance from Black Squadron.

Come with me Evelyn and I'll let them go. I'll let them live.

Stay out of my head! I'm not going with you!

"Black Leader to base! We need some back-up!"

"Black Squadron is on their way, Commander."

They'll all die, Evelyn. If you stay with them, every single one of them will meet a quick death.

She tried to ignore him, fight back, push him out of her head--but with ever effort, Ren just fought back harder. Evelyn eventually couldn't handle it anymore and she succumbed to the pain, the intrusion, and blacked out of the cold durasteal floor of the Mirror Bright.

---------

At the age of six, Evelyn had caught some nasty virus on a trip with her parents to the capital. Upon their return home she had spent a duration of two weeks in bed with fever, aches, and chills. She could feel the fear her parents had--that she was so sick she was going to die--but one morning she woke up and the fever had broken. She didn't remember much, just flashes of images of her parents taking care of her, of the medics checking up on her.

It was much like how she was feeling now as her eyes slowly opened to reveal the medical bay on D'Qar.

Everything was quiet now--Poe and Kaleb weren't shouting, Ren wasn't forcing himself into her mind--all she could hear was the steady drone of medical monitors. Flexing her fingers, Evelyn took a deep breath, realizing that her memories of what happened on the Mirror Bright were quite fuzzy. Had she even been on the ship at all?

"Hey sleepyhead," Poe's voice interrupted her thoughts. She gazed up to see him step into her room. He brushed her hair back from her forehead and kissed her. "Feeling okay?"

"Been better--but I've also been worse," Evelyn answered, honestly. "What happened?"

Poe's eyes grew heavy, sad. "Black Squadron came to help us, but we wouldn't have gotten away if it weren't for Oddy. I tried to tell him not to do it, that the First Order would know he was the one that sabotaged the ship--but he didn't listen. We got confirmation about an hour ago--Hux had him executed."

Evelyn closed her eyes in an attempt to stop her tears. She felt Poe's fingers in her hair, his lips softly pressing kisses to her cheek. "It's my fault. If the First Order wasn't after me then Oddy never would have been blackmailed by Terex and none of this would have happened."

He sighed, sitting down on the bed. Reaching out, Poe put an arm around her. "This is not your fault."

She shook her head, violently. "But it is. If I wasn't so strong in the Force..."

"Don't you dare apologize for being you."

"But...Poe...if I..."

Poe took her face between his hands and look at her, intensely. "You are exactly who you were meant to be. Do you understand me? The First Order...they don't care about you as a person--they just want to exploit your talents. And they only want to do that because they know--you can destroy them."

Evelyn shook her head again, this time not with as much vigor. "You're wrong, Poe; I'm strong enough to destroy them. I couldn't even stop them five years ago--when they were murdering my friends, when they murdered my mother--nothing has changed. I won't be able to do it."

He pulled her tightly into his arms. "Not alone," Poe whispered in her ear. "But together--we can defeat them. It might just take time and patience."

She blinked her tears away and laughed, sadly. "I never thought I'd hear you talk about patience."

"First time for everything I suppose."

"Yes, I guess there is."

Leaning back ever so slightly, Poe lowered his lips to hers, kissing her tenderly. He had been so afraid he was going to lose her, especially when he had failed at keeping her safe. Resting his forehead against hers, Poe sighed. "Force, Evie, I thought I was going to lose you. I didn't think we'd make it in time. I've never been more afraid than I was when they took you."

Evelyn's thumbs ghosted over his cheeks. "I knew you would find me. I never doubted you for a second because you're so damn stubborn that you would have searched every corner of the galaxy for me--and never given up." She was silent for a moment, before she sighed, heavily. "It's only going to harder from here, isn't it?"

Poe took a deep breath, tightened his arms around her waist. "I'm afraid so, sweetheart."

"We need to find Master Tekka."

"We need to find your father."

She knew this; this had been the only thing on her mind for some time now. "In order to do that," Evelyn whispered, "We need to find Master Tekka. He has the map."

He pressed his lips to her forehead and slowly stood up, holding his hand out to her, Poe smiled, sadly, "Then what are we waiting for? We have a map to find."

#star wars #star wars fanfiction #poe dameron #poe dameron fanfiction #poe x oc #we belong to the stars

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docholligay · 5 years ago

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The Time Traveler’s Bullshit

@katrani comissioned me to write out my full review of The Time Traverler’s Wife, my most hated book of the year thus far, and I feel like it won’t be dethroned. nearly 3,000 words and I skipped a whole section I was going to write about, ENJOY

Three dollars and ninety nine cents will buy you a Big Mac. It will buy you four hours of downtown parking in my city. Three dollars and ninety-nine cents will buy you a latte made with burnt coffee at Starbucks. For Three dollars and ninety-nine cents, I can get a can of terrible beer and have a dollar left over for tip. All of which would have been a better choice than what I ultimately spent that three dollars and ninety-nine cents on, which was this book.

I am careful to read hyped books out of their time, so that I’m not influenced by something that has been so lauded no book could ever hope to reach those heights. So when this first came around, and I saw many women talking about how much they had loved it, I figured I would just read it later. I buy books used, so this is generally what I do even outside of worrying about being affected.

I finally picked this book up after a reader of mine told me it reminded them of my writing.

After reading it, several years after all the hype, I have one question: Are women who fuck men okay?

(“Why not just straight women, Doc?” you may rightly ask me, and I, unfortunately, am forced to answer that I know a number of bisexual women who also enjoyed this book, leading me to believe that the trouble is far worse than previously imagined.)

I found this book to be borderline insulting, and if I didn’t know any better, I would have claimed this book was written by a man. The entire way through I felt the constant assault of the idea that this reminded someone of ME. What have I been doing wrong all my life, I asked? I should probably give up writing.

Let’s go into the book itself!

The core of the novel hinges around the idea that Henry goes through time without wanting to and with no consious conrol, and so in a sense lives his life out of order. This is a fascinating idea but for the fact that book’s main hinge is the relationship between Clare and Henry.

Who Henry meets, as an adult out of time, when she is six.

And proceeds to groom her to be his wife someday.

Oh, it isn’t put that way, of course, it’s simply that they end up married and so, I suppose the author might say, it’s only natural that Henry interact with her when he comes the “the Meadow” nearby where she lives. But this sort of “things are already decided” that the author is extremely fond of does not remove this intensely squicky framework from their relationship. Henry begins with Clare when she is six years old, and it comes on VERY fast that they are supposed to get married. She is at a sleepover, still as a literal child, ELEVEN YEARS OLD, when the Ouija board spells out his name as the boy who likes her.

The book takes pains to describe how he won;t have sex with her until she’s 18, but how difficult it is for a thirties to forties man not to have sex with her when she’s 15, 16, 17. I want to say there might be a part where he describes it when she’s 14, but I can’t find it in the book right now, so we’ll pretend it’s not there. “But they’re married in the furute!” one might say, listen if my wife had to resist having sex with sixteen year old me, and didn’t see me as a fucking child, I would think she was gross. It’s gross for a thirty-something to forty -something dde to struggle not to fuck a teenager, period, end of story.

All of this is wrapped in the book’s idea that this is romantic, instead of the idea that Clare’s “date with destiny” is tragic. She doesn’t ever have a boyfriend, because she is “waiting for Henry”. She sleeps with one of Henry’s friends before he and Clare ever officially “meet” and bursts into tears because she feels as if she has been unfaithful. Meanwhile, Henry is out having girlfriends like no one’s business, and “Well Doc he doesn’t know” why is Clare the one who has to bear this arranged marriage?

Clare herself even alludes to the way she’s being groomed to be the woman he wants in a way that I DO NOT THINK the author intended, as the author is desperately wrapped up in the idea that this is sexy and romantic and not deeply fucking unsettling.

Pretentious-ass Henry is dropping German into a casual conversation with a thirteen year old so that you know he is learned and cool, and explain that it’s from Rilke, one of their (note: Not your, but OUR) favorite poets.

Clare responds: “You’re doing it again!”

“What?”

“Telling me what I like.” Clare burrows into my lap with her feet. Without thinking I put my feet on her shoulders, but then that seems too sexual, somehow, and I quickly take Clare’s feet in my hands again and hold them together with one hand in the air as she lies on her back, innocent and angelic with her hair spread nimbus-like around her on the blanket. (Sidebar: I can only fucking imagine that the sort of people that are into this are the sort of people who think nothing at the idea of some Victorian gentleman marrying his attractive young ward, as apparently there’s no problem with having seen someone as a child and then having them marry you! It’s not deeply fucked up at all!) …..

“Henry?”

“Yes?”

“You are making me different.”

“I know.”

These brief asides are meant to make us feel that Henry has done enough to assuage his guilt, that we are meant to forget that what he is doing is wrong. The book goes so far as to have sixteen year old Clare be the aggressor with a 37 or so year old Henry, as a way of trying to tell us, “Oh look none of this can be Henry’s fault” and an absolutely cringeworthy section where Henry goes and beats up a kid who took Clare on a date and proceeded to assault her. (She dates him to prove she’s not a dyke wow what a great book and thank you for reminding us that Clare never wants to see anyone else for her own sake even as a teenager, very healthy)

All of which would make me a hell of a lot more mad if I managed to like Clare even a little bit. But it’s not at all surprising that I don't--Clare is hardly a character in this story so much as she’s a cardboard cutout that exists for Henry.

Each of her desires and thoughts revolves around him, from the time she’s a child, save for minor pouting incidents when Henry either won’t tell her something, or disagrees with her. But she always caves, but for the exception of having a child, another horrible thing we’re meant to feel sorry for them in, but I, at least, never really do, as they know the problem, they know how horribly Henry’s life has been affected, and yet they persevere. I find myself asking why in the fuck they don’t use donor sperm, but I suppose that would not fulfill Clare’s real use as being Henry’s vessel. It might have been very touching to write about their experience of infertility if they were likeable at all, or the chapters were anything but flat and emotionless despite dealing with really high-emotion topics. It’s essentially Clare saying “I want a baby inside me” and having a series of miscarriages. I’ve read more compelling narratives on online message boards.

Not to mention when Henry suggests adopting and Clare says “That would be pretending” bitch fuck ALL THE WAY OFF. I repeat: WE ARE MEANT TO LIKE THIS CHARACTER. NOTHING ABOUT HER IS SHOWN AS A NEGATIVE.

A fair amount of time in the book is spent describing how hot Clare is, and it’s a bit cringey to read about a super hot redhead with great tits and also rich, who’s a visual artist, and then flip to the back and see a redheaded visual artist as the author. It’s not that I don’t believe that authors are ever allowed to find themselves in a character, quite the contrary, but one hopes that there would be a level of detachment or at least plausible deniability. But no, Clare is nothing but wish fulfillment for the author, but unfortunately cannot fulfill any of ours. I get the sense that these characters are far more complex and layered in Niffenegger’s head, but they fall completely flat on the page, sketches of annoying human beings.

Clare seems to have been raised in an Austen novel, where the home is noted for its architecture and we ‘dress for dinner’ which could be intensely compelling if they ever went anywhere with it. But we don’t. Because of course Clare’s raising in a straightlaced, extremely wealthy family has no affect on her and she is a very cool girl who is laid back and likes the right music and poetry. (Sidebar: The name dropping in this novel is SO TIRESOME. Every band, artist, poet, etc has to be named and identified so your are aware of how absolutely well-read and smart and cool Niffenegger is)

The we’re meant to feel for Henry when her family finds out that he is half-Jewish which I suppose is meant to be shocking when he doesn’t practice or isn’t different in any marked way from her family? The character has no Jewishness in him but as a side note and dare I say for shock value. Her family isn’t even written as believably against the union, as no one can resist super cool hipster protag Henry DeTamble (Even his name sounds INSUFFERABLE)

The problem, of course, is that the very wealthy can buy their way out of many problems, meaning that an author has to have a particular deftness of hand in order to make you feel something for them. This is not that author. Any sympathy one might have for Clare goes immediately out the window when she’s complaining about having only a small room for a studio in which to create, while she’s living off the INTEREST from her trust fund, and hiring a cleaning service because neither of them is willing to vacuum. Not her trust fund. The INTEREST from her trust fund, which means there must be so much fucking money in there we all want to scream.

Of course, Henry goes into the future and wins the lottery so they can give her a new studio, I shit you not this is a thing that happens in a novel where we are supposedly meant to identify with the characters and feel for them. They buy a nice house with a separate studio in the backyard, not even in the house, just a large brick edifice where Clare can do whatever she wants because these people don’t have consequences until Henry’s death, and by the time he dies, we’re all thanking God that at least there’s one thing they can’t weasel out of. The book has the audacity to have them, later, describe having a private box as one of their “little indulgences” friends a private box is the realm of $1,800 dollars for ONE showing of an opera, and while I am a believer in the good of occasionally saving up to do something that is an experience, there is no way I would describe that as an ‘indulgence” but these people have such wealth that they never need worry about anything at all, except the central point, which is that Henry drifts in and out of time and we would like to sentence a child to that.

Henry himself is a collection of traits rather than a person--it is so important to the author that we know he is a real punk with great musical taste, that he knows German and poetry and Chicago--it’s all rather a laundry list of the long-haired, tall, punkish but very classically learned boyfriend Niffenegger would like to have rather than someone who has a heart or a mind. But the luck of it all is that she clearly cares about henry far more than she does Clare, and so he gets a bit of fleshing out with a tragic anime backstory and all that, and from time to time we see bursts of real humanity in his character.

Their love, even if it were not burdened by the exceptional trouble of CLARE BEING GROOMED AS A CHILD, has the weight of air. Henry is a womanizer with a drug problem, but then he meets Clare, hot rich redhead who proves she’s known him her whole life, and suddenly the magic swelling violins are in the background, love has found its day, and no more is ever said about it.The book refuses to get anywhere deep into how they feel about things and why, it is only glancing blows that seem to suggest an emotion rather than allowing ourselves to get into their minds.

The bulk of the description of their love is sex. Sex sex sex. I get it, they are hot for each other, I am trying very hard to get over the fact that they are married when Clare is 22 and Henry is thirty, but you’re giving me nothing to pin their relationship on but the fact that they enjoy railing each other and Henry has been around since Clare was a child. I don’t understand the why of their relationship even once, it all seems so accidental, and I wanted there to be a lesson, or something to be said about humanity and relationships, but I found nothing save for maybe the idea that women are fully engrossed in their relationships and men basically luck into them and then drop out from time to time? But even that is far far deeper than I think the novel deserves credit for.

The side characters are somehow worse, mainly racist stereotypes or one note characters who ALSO exist to have their lives enhanced by the protagonists. Even their friends only exist so that Gomez can have the hots for Clare for years, because Everyone Wants To Bone Clare.

The writing itself is terrible too, written in the style of a script, almost, rapidly shifting between first person narratives in a matter of one or two paragraphs, often, helpfully telling who is talking by, I shit you not, putting “CLARE:” or “HENRY:” before the paragraphs, so we can enjoy who it is that is navel gazing and picking over the conversation without saying anything really, save for how badly Henry wants to fuck his super hot wife, who may or may not currently be a teenager, and how desperately Clare loves him, and has loved him since she was a child, for reasons that remain unclear.

It’s padded out and ridiculous and reads like some of the drafts when I am being a complete garbage pile, and thank you to the person online who had already typed this out so I didn’t have to:

Henry:

Clare is wearing a wine-colored velvet dress and pearls. She looks like a Botticelli by way of John Graham: huge gray eyes, long nose, tiny delicate mouth like a geisha. She has long red hair that covers her shoulders and falls to the middle of her back. Clare is so pale she looks like a waxwork in the candlelight. I thrust the roses at her. "For you."

Please try to read that with a straight face and get back to me, i could not manage it, and it was early on the book, and this sort of thing goes on for pages, if you don’t like hearing about how pale Clare is, and that she has red hair, her two most dominating character traits, you are in for a very, very rough time.

The narrative voice of the characters is identical. I mean, I suppose I should thank whatever god is responsible for this clusterfuck for the CLARE and HENRY bits because otherwise I would have no clue who was talking from moment to moment. Does NIffenegger think all people think alike? That their internal monologues are the same? It seems to me she must because I can’t figure any other way that one could write two characters and have them, even when their opinions differ, sound like the exact same person.

I did enjoy the letter at the end of this story--and this is where I saw where my reader connected me to this book--it almost seems as if it was written for a different novel, a novel about a doomed love between two people that truly loved each other and had rich inner lives. It’s beautiful, or it would be totally removed from this novel.

This review has, in itself, gotten to be as rambling and listing as the novel, and so I will let it rest here. I read incredibly fast. This took me something like five or six hours to read. It was a waste of every single one of those hours and I wish I had gotten a Big Mac instead. Save yourself, save six hours, save three dollars and ninety-nine cents, and read literally anything else.

#Doc Reads

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obaby-me · 5 years ago

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Eve, the Sin of Disobedience

t h e r e b e l w i t h o u t a c a u s e

About

Eve is a former human known for eating the forbidden fruit known as knowledge of good and evil from the Garden of Eden. She has been cast into the devildom because she just couldn’t forgive the man upstairs, and feels no regrets for her original sin.

“God gave us curiosity. And then punished us for it.”

She firmly believes that rules are more like suggestions and guidelines.

“Some rules are worth breakin’.”

Instinctively she says “no” to anything asked of her, after all it is her sin. Give her a good reason, and she’ll take it into consideration.

“Why should I?”

Eve has lived for centuries. In an effort to stave off the monotony, she keeps busy in trying new things.

“What’s that like?”

And takes up any challenge. She loves that adrenaline rush of a win.

“Ya think I can’t?”

Eve was made one half to a whole, from which she has been separated from for eons. She has an intense loneliness and prefers the company of others. Almost desperately so.

“Hey, what ya doin’ right now?”

She does not enjoy sweets, but loves a spicy dish.

“The hotter the better!”

Her home resembles a greenhouse with a large garden out front. She grows a variety of apple trees, herbs, spices, and quite a few flowers. She owns a few rare varieties. Don’t ask where she got them.

“Lookin’ lovely today, little ones.”

Naturally inquisitive, she enjoys taking classes at R.A.D. Her testing reflects that.

“Tell me more.”

Her grades however, do not. She doesn’t believe in homework that is essentially regurgitated information. She prefers creative or open-ended assignments.

“That’s just busy work.”

She holds near perfect attendance. The only time she ever gives up a day at school is when “once in a lifetime” events are held.

“There’s so much to see, and do, and I’ve all the time in all the worlds. What a waste not to make use of it.”

However, despite her love of learning, her behavior is distracting, or sets poor examples. For example, her frequent entrances through windows is a bit of problem—

“Ya wanted me to be on time, and I’m here aren’t I?”

—As are her entrepreneurial endeavors of R.A.D. halls—

“What ya lookin’ to buy? Pops, gummies, bars?”

—And her constant use of her D.D.D. during classes—

“Why should I waste the paper writin’ the notes when you’re already doin’ the work of puttin’ it on the board for me?”

—Not to mention the biking, (or skating, or sliding, or boarding, etc.,) in the hallways—

“There wasn’t anything in the handbook about it last week!”

—None of which has hurt anyone. Yet, Lucifer would argue.

Relationships

Lucifer

Lucifer’s a stickler for rules, and Eve’s perchance for finding loopholes in and around them, or outright breaking them often results in them butting heads. His lectures run hours long, and Eve never gives up on arguing with him. Though, ultimately, it’s always Lucifer who gets the final word.

“Yeah, yeah, I heard ya.”

Mammon

Sometimes her partner in crime, and sometimes her rival, she and Mammon often get in trouble together. Her monopoly on the R.A.D. halls is something Mammon is incredibly envious of, but outside of the school, the two can often be seen together running small “business ventures” together. More often than not, Mammon takes most of the fall for the trouble that is caused because Lucifer can do little to physically punish her the way he can his brother. Feeling guilty, she compensates him with a larger share of whatever sales they earn or she takes him out shopping (with a hard limit of Grimm he’s allowed to spend). She refuses to loan him Grimm, much to his dismay.

“Now there’s an idea.”

Leviathan

Eve doesn’t see much of Leviathan except at school. He’s about 5% of her sales, all of which are scalped tickets to Ruri-chan concerts and special Ruri-chan candy capsules. She rather likes his passion for his games, and shows, and for Ruri-chan. It’s just too bad she’s not a big enough fan that he’s willing to invite her to anything. She’d say yes if he ever asked.

“Coming by to browse the Ruri-chan wares, eh?”

Satan

Of the brothers, Eve gets along best with Satan. She could chat with him for hours if he’d let her. She shares his love of learning and trying new things. She’s not as much as a reader as he is, and rather prefers to experience things where she can, but any book Satan recommends, she’s happy to borrow and read—if only because it means another chance to talk with him—and ask him a million questions. In turn, she tends to come up with excursions for them to experience together.

“I found a place I know you’re gonna love.”

Asmodeus

Asmo’s always on top of the newest and latest trends, and is always down to try new things—which is things right up Eve’s alley of interest. She often calls up Asmo when she sees a sign that says “coming soon.” Despite their many outings, Eve and Asmo’s friendship is purely superficial—and this is in fault of Eve. She won’t let him any closer than that. Asmo knows how to turn a flirt into fling so fast it makes her head spin. It intimidates Eve. She’d been dedicated to one man for so long that she’s a little frightened at how fast he can move as well as move on.

“Heard this was just released. Wanna try it?”

Beelzebub

Beel is Eve’s number one customer. He makes up about 80% of her candy sales. Sometimes she gives him a discount on her rather high prices when he sends her a workout video. He thinks it’s because she wants to work out too. It’s not. She just really likes lookin’ at him. She’s asked him out a couple of times to go out to restaurants or new bakeries. He always invites his brother, but that’s part of his charm. She doesn’t think he ever really understands that she’s coming on to him, but that’s fine. It’s fun for her regardless.

“Hey there, big guy! How’s my favorite customer doin’?”

Belphegor

It’s pretty clear that Belphie’s not that fond of Eve. While he does like when she gives Lucifer a hard time, and is as contrary as he is, sometimes she suggests things that would get Beel into trouble. As a protective brother, he gets rather annoyed when she tries to pull Beel into a bad idea, especially when Mammon is involved. If Beel attends anything with Eve, Belphie is sure to go to keep an eye out for Beel. Her constant flirting with Beel irks him and he tends to sarcastically interrupt it as often as possible. Unfortunately Eve is never deterred.

“Don’t be a party pooper.”

Diavolo

Eve is not familiar with Diavolo on any personal level, but stories of the prince and his antics get around. She rather likes him for it, even if he is the one who makes all the rules that she’s forced to follow. Generally, punishments come straight from Lucifer, so there’s been very few times she’s had to actually speak to him. But when he speaks, she tends to listen—albeit she does give a little lip, though it’s a reaction that is generally involuntary. She’s thankful he has the patience to let her backtrack on it. Of anyone in the Devildom, he’s the one who could really hurt her—and she’s terrified of him. She wishes one day he’ll let her in on one of his silly games (especially if it means messing with Lucifer).

“I love the way your mind works.”

Solomon

On the very few occasions Eve has met Solomon, he’s been a curious fellow, in every sense of the word. He’s third to both Satan and to Eve in his endeavors to learn, though he seems quite focused when compared to her. Magic seems to be his primary interest, which Eve knows enough about to keep his interest, and in return he gives her information on the latest happenings in the human world. Sometimes she’s pretty sure he’s pulling her leg—though he insists that humans do enjoy giant ramps that go miles high simply to fall screaming down at high-speeds. He calls them roller coasters. She’s made him promise to take her sometime.

“I don’t know if I believe you.”

Simeon

Eve has nothing bad she can say about Simeon, though she’s only ever spoken to him on a handful of occassions. He may be an angel, but he’s not at as condescending as she’s expected of angels. He never tells her what she should and should not do, which she appreciates. She thinks he’s quite the looker too.

“How you doin’ today, handsome?”

Luke

The reputation of Eve’s initial offense that caused her fall precedes her, and given Luke’s naturally antagonistic nature towards demons Eve’s first impression of him was not well. She has no patience for him and is dismissive of him. She cares very little for what he thinks of her, which seems to incense him.

“Now that ain’t nice.”

#obey me #obey me oc #eve sin of disobedience

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angstmongertina · 5 years ago

Note

Also! "he looks like he will keep you safe," Verda talking to Elodie? :D

Tea, you know how to pick the ones that destroy me, no? THANK YOU.

In which I will KEEP making references to “tu omnia” because of Who I Am As A Person.

AO3 Link

She is not entirely surprised to find Verda still in the office when she makes her way towards the exit; despite the family he has, his impeccable work ethics means it is often a toss-up on whether he or she will leave the office later, particularly in recent months, with the uptick in the apparently inexplicable, supernatural occurrences.

She is, however, taken aback to find that he is not alone, lounging beside a taller figure in the cool twilight of another spring night. A smile curves her mouth on instinct as she steps forward, a greeting on her lips, but her words die in her throat when the individual pulls into focus and it isn’t Verda’s broad-shouldered husband at all. Except…

Except that can’t be right, because the man standing beside him appears to be Commanding Agent Adam du Mortain.

She shakes her head. Either her eyes are deceiving her or she is beginning to hallucinate, neither of which being wholly unlikely scenarios considering the amount of time she has spent staring at paperwork and generally shut up in her office in the past days. Or, she supposes, something has happened that requires her immediate attention, right after things have finally returned to the closest thing to normal that is possible for Wayhaven at this point.

None of the options are particularly comforting and she hesitates, checking her step and contemplating the wisdom of putting off the confrontation until much, much later.

Any plans she might have to that effect are ruined before she can even fully make up her mind, however; no doubt sensing her approach, Adam turns to face her and, even across the distance, she can feel the full force of that cool green gaze on her, drawing her toward them without conscious thought.

A hand on her shoulder shakes her out of her reverie and she blinks to find Verda standing beside her, his face neutral. Or, at least, it would be if not for the sparkle of amusement in his dark eyes.

“Are you with me now?”

“Sorry.” She looks away, though not daring to glance back outside, where she can still feel the heavy gaze on her. “I was just…”

“Distracted.” There is definitely a faint smirk playing in the corners of his mouth now and she presses her lips together in a no doubt futile attempt to stay impassive. “Not that I can blame you. The agent is very… intense.”

“That’s one word for it.” She sighs, casting her eyes about before settling on the clock. “Still, it’s getting late. What are you doing here?”

It is hardly a subtle attempt to change the subject and she knows it just as well as he does; Verda chuckles, the quiet sound echoing through the station, and she pointedly doesn’t notice the way the figure outside turns ever so slightly in their direction.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

She wrinkles her nose. “I was finishing up paperwork. I swear, they’re multiplying. As soon as I finish something, two more appear.”

“I’m sure it has nothing to do with your absences, of course,” he replies easily, though the evenness of his tone is belied by the mischief in his gaze. “Then again, if I were the one picking between red tape and spending time with the rest of that team of yours… Well, I can’t say I don’t understand why you fell behind.”

When she makes a face, he laughs again, and she can’t resist the urge to roll her eyes. “So why are you here? I can’t imagine Eric or the kids are too happy about you staying in so late.”

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “You’re not wrong there. But between my conference and trying to find a cure for whatever all of those people were inflicted with, I would be lying if I said I hadn’t fallen behind as well.”

“Verda…” She bites her lip to stave off the words she’s not allowed to say, her heart pounding in her chest so loudly that it’s a small miracle he doesn’t hear it. Adam, she notices from the corner of her eye, does seem to, if his sudden stiffening is any indication.

The smile the man before her offers is small, but genuine. “No harm done. What’s important is that everyone is safe. But it does mean I have to make up some of the actual work I should have been doing, just like you. I was just about to head out when Agent du Mortain showed up.” Verda leans his weight onto his heels, his hands shoved into his pockets in a show of casualness. “Not a very talkative man, is he?”

In spite her best efforts to remain impassive, she nearly chokes. Instead, she takes a deep, steadying breath and prays that that her voice betrays none of her surprise. “Ad— Agent du Mortain, talkative? Not so much, no.”

Judging from the mirth that flashes across his face, she is not as convincing as she might have hoped, but thankfully, he chooses not to comment, instead giving her a small, meaningful glance. “He also isn’t the type to put words to what he feels, is he? So perhaps that might be expected.”

She does not need to look outside to see the way the man in question tenses at her friend’s words, every muscle coiled and tight, and her smile in response is a little stiff, a non-answer if there ever was one, but one that has Verda’s eyes softening.

“Just as long as you’re aware.”

She draws a breath, opening her mouth to reply, but instead memories replace the man before her. Memories of tired green eyes, a gentle touch, and a quiet murmur…

Tu… omnia…

“Elodie?”

She blinks as concerned eyes, brown and not green, swim back into focus and a warm hand presses onto her shoulder. “You still with me?”

“Yeah.” Shaking her head in a sharp motion, she clears her throat and meets his gaze. “Yeah, sorry. I… got distracted.” She forces her lips into a smile. “Again.”

Verda offers her a smile with a hint of mischief woven through the worry. “As long as you’re all right. I don’t want to have to go explaining that you collapsed from just a conversation. I didn’t think that would be enough to knock you off your feet there. Though…” He pauses, shooting her a teasing look. “I suppose that answered my question more than anything else. Wouldn’t you say?”

With an effort, she grins, forcing a laugh through the suddenly thick tension. “Didn’t take you for a matchmaker.”

He shrugs, his expression considerably lighter. “When it comes to you, at least. You’ve more than earned it.”

At the sincerity in his voice, she can’t help the smile that creeps across her face. “Thanks, Verda.”

His hand squeezes once, a gentle and affectionate gesture, and he nods at her before turning back towards the parking lot and the approaching vehicle with a smile. “Well, I think that’s my ride. You’ll be all right getting home from here.”

It’s a statement, not a question, and she raises a questioning eyebrow only to receive a chuckle and a simple answer: “He looks like he will keep you safe.”

There is no need to explain who he is.

She opens her mouth to reply, but before she can, Verda gives her a cheerful grin and a clap on the shoulder. “Remember what I said. Have a good evening, Agent du Mortain.”

In spite of the warning, she starts when Adam suddenly appears beside her, arms crossed over his chest,, a dark shadow in his usual grey coat. He tilts his head at her, something almost… gentle in his expression, except it must be a figment of her overactive imagination, it must be, because…

His eyes meet hers, cool and unfathomable in the dim light from the street lamps, and she almost flinches away at the intensity in his gaze. Drawing a ragged breath into her suddenly tight chest, she forces a smile.

“On patrol again?”

A broad shoulder rises in a shrug. “It is late.”

“That it is. A consequence of my spending so much time at the Warehouse, I suppose.” She rolls her own shoulders with a sigh. “At least it’s been quiet since the carnival.”

She is not expecting a response and she knows this. Still, the silence hangs, thick and cloying between them, until she glances up to find him frowning towards the empty parking lot.

“I walked this morning. Didn’t think I’d have to stay so late, but I guess that’s my fault.”

His response is more of a grunt than anything else, and it is her turn to frown. “What is it?”

“You were planning on walking back alone?”

His voice is low, a hint of what she would call worry for anyone else lurking in the smooth tone, and an eyebrow raises in spite of her best efforts to remain impassive. “Well… If there was nobody else here, then yes. I have been doing it for months without any problems.” She glances up to find his lips pressed into a thin line, though he says nothing further, and offers him a small smile. “I can’t say I mind the company though.”

His gaze seems to dart towards her, something flickering through too quickly for her to recognize, and she finds herself looking away, the statement hanging between them as she makes her way down the familiar streets towards her building, he a silent shadow keeping pace at her side.

It is not until she is standing outside the door that he speaks, his voice so low that she almost misses it entirely. “Nor do I.”

“Hmm?”

For a heartbeat, he stares at her, something warm and hesitant in his eyes, and then he pulls away, hands settling into what she guesses is a parade rest behind his back, and she forces a smile as she steps into the building. “Good night, then. Thank you.”

“Sleep well.” As the door slams closed behind her, she wonders if she imagines his quiet voice in its wake: “And… always.”

#teaandinanity #the wayhaven chronicles #Adam du Mortain #Adam du Mortain/MC #Angst du Mortain #Soloman Verda #Tina writes stuff.#Tina plays TWC.#commanding agent of my heart #otp: tu omnia

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loopy777 · 4 years ago

Note

*1930s radio voice* Why, the others anon’s AU ideas reminded me an interesting old post of attackfish’s where she created an AU where Tom-Tom is the offspring of Zuko’s and Mai’s. *statics* And I got to say, her ideas and little written dabbles are wonderful! It makes me hope that she could someday create a fanfic to make the idea flourish! I would ask her myself, but well... *tips hat down to covers eyes* I’m a bit of a shy fella. Ah! I do want your opinions & personal head-canons on this, too!

Attackfish recently posted a new short from that AU, in case you missed it. (I’m not @’ing her since you’re shy. We’ll keep this between ourselves and everyone looking at this public blog.) I’m generally a fan of her headcanons and writing, but at this point she has so many AUs that I’ve completely lost track of most of them. I just float along on whatever she posts and grasp desperately towards the ones I recognize as they drift past.

As for the Illegitimate TomTom Maiko Spawnie AU, it certainly offers some intriguing opportunities and different takes on the canon, but what keeps me from embracing it wholeheartedly is the idea of Zuko and Mai meeting up before he finds the Avatar. To me, Zuko’s time of banishment should be emotional as well as physical, with no contact with anyone he knows or cares about until after Aang’s reappearance. You know, to really play up that, “The Avatar gives Zuko hope,” thing. If he had an intense emotional respite with Mai, even one time, I’d think that would open the door for more in his mind, and be a constant temptation to stop the snipe hunt.

But, for the purposes of a fun AU, I’m not going to be a fanatic about it. And I love the possibilities in Tom-Tom starting an illegitimate branch of the royal family that may come back to bite future generations of Fire Lords. None of that would be Tom-Tom’s fault, but the problem with dynasties is that good people are not guaranteed to have good kids. And I think it would be hilarious if Zuko and Mai have a reputation by that point of being a pair of stiffs, only for their ancestors to uncover a teenage pregnancy that was covered up.

As for headcanons (squared, since these are headcanons of a headcanon), I agree with Attackfish that Azula couldn’t possibly know, but I add that neither does Ty Lee until much, much later. Ty Lee never actually witnessed Mai interacting with Tom-Tom before the cartoon’s finale, and her comments in The Beach about Mai's ungratefulness for being an only child for so long could only have come from complete obliviousness. But I would also like to think that Ty Lee eventually figures it out, and she suffers an existential crisis as a result: HOW COULD SHE HAVE MISSED THAT?! HOW COULD MAI HAVE HIDDEN IT SO WELL?! HOW COULD TY LEE HAVE SAID SOMETHING SO DUMB ON EMBER ISLAND?! And so on. It really makes Ty Lee re-evaluate what she thinks she knows about Mai, and perhaps could be a source of Ty Lee refocusing on the Kyoshi Warriors as her main social connections.

I think Ursa would have to eventually figure it out, too, but can never bring herself to ask about it. Kiyi is completely oblivious and never thinks about how she and Tom-Tom have settled into a sibling-like relationship.

Hm, perhaps Suki might be given a hint at some point when the Kyoshi Warriors are asked to look out for Tom-Tom during some dangerous time? But I imagine she knows when to keep her mouth shut and her speculation to herself.

I don’t think the gAang would ever figure it out, but it would be hilarious for them to realize they had technically kidnapped Zuko’s son. “See, I told you he was an evil Fire Nation baby!!” “Sokka!” XD (Obviously, that doesn’t include the little short with Katara. That’s a reveal, not a figuring out.)

Zuko, though, might be the most interesting dynamic in this whole thing. This dude is Father Issues, The Character, and he has an illegitimate son with his teenage girlfriend who was raised by someone else in secret? Talk about a whirlwind of emotions. I don’t think Zuko would ever possibly be mad about it, because by the time he finds out, he knows what a mess he was. He also knows what can happen to the kids when a father is a complete mess. He’s also secretive, from a secretive society, so I don’t think the continued deception would bother him. But, on the other hand, this is his son, and there are ties of honor and duty at play here, not to mention a mandate built into the laws of blood and the universe, yadda yadda. He’ll see the whole thing as a painful failure that he needs to live with, even as he goes as far as propriety and practicality allow to do right by Tom-Tom. Some days he lies awake at night, thinking about it, telling himself over and over again that it worked out for what is more or less the best. It never occurs to him to talk about it, not even to Mai; he’s not the guy who screamed “I’m angry at myself!” anymore. He acknowledges his feelings and anxieties but he sees no need to share them unless they can help other people. And he can’t imagine how talking about this could possibly help Mai.

I like to think there’s a deathbed acknowledgement, though. I like those.

#Anonymous

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ficklefics · 4 years ago

Text

Friends Like These - Chapter Twenty-Nine: I Will Not Feel

The house should be safe. But there’s more dangers than death.

Jerome Valeska x Harleen Quinzel

SERIES MASTERLIST ~ MASTERLIST ~ CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Taglist: @hexqueensupreme

Chapter Warnings: None

We walk in silence until the lights of the manor appear in the near-distance. At the sight of them, we both hurry faster, desperate for the security and warmth they promise.

I don’t knock, instead just pushing the front door open and walking in. We follow the sound of voices until we end up in a room with a long table, lit only by a flickering fire which the others sit around.

“Hi.” They jump into defence mode at the sound of my voice. Penguin is the first to speak.

“We thought you were dead.” “You look it,” Barbara chimes in. “We feel it too,” Jerome saunters forward, still with a slight limp in his step. I follow him, only now letting myself take in my injuries. Bruises and scrapes, a general ache of pain that radiates throughout my body, and blood stains my clothes. Jerome isn’t much better. In fact, he’s probably worse. “What happened?” Nygma asks. “They caught up to us at my parents,” I explain. “Chased us out of the city. We crashed.” He nods. “Is that explanation satisfactory?” I snap at him. “Pretty much, yes.” He turns back to the rest of the group. “Back to our discussion.” I sit on the table, ready to let someone else take the lead. Jerome stands next to me. “We need to regroup. Reach out to all our contacts – this is bigger than feuds and gang wars. Anyone you can think of, we need to get them here as soon as possible.”

I don’t speak. I’m barely listening. There’s nothing for me to say. I don’t know what I’m doing in this world – that much is clear. I’m just a lost little girl who can’t get away from trouble. Just an idiot who was arrogant enough to think she could survive anything.

Jerome is speaking. I focus just enough to hear him say “–whatever we do, we need to make them regret messing with us.”

I don’t have a place here. I stand up silently and leave the room unnoticed, the planning continuing without a pause. The rest of the house is dark, quiet, perfect for wandering. The peace is eery. After the intensity of the last few days, it’s almost uncomfortable to be safe. To be alone. Halfway up a flight of stairs is a window seat, perfect to curl up on. There are even curtains I can draw to hide away. I don’t want to be found right now.

I’m not sure how late it is – after midnight, definitely. The moon is bright and high in the sky. No clouds. The house is surrounded by trees, completely cut off from the rest of the world, from the city lights of Gotham. But I’m sure we’ll be going back soon. Or at least they will. All I want to do is sleep. I know I said this was my job to fix… But why? Why is it my job? What did I do that meant this is my responsibility?

I could have run. I didn’t. But that doesn’t mean I need to keep fighting.

Ill-fitting jeans. A cheap sweater. Clothes and hands stained with grass and dirt and blood. Where did I go? Where did the put together, professional, on her way to success Harleen go? Maybe this is the real me. Maybe the clothes and the money and education and the status were all just a ruse, a disguise, suppressing the chaos inside.

I guess I knew that. I let myself live that, in the night and the shadows when no one else could see.

And with Jerome. He tore it out of me, laid me bare and exposed, and I let him. I wanted him to. I was finally free.

I tried to run. Tried to hide. Tried to fill my role, play my part. And still reality caught up to me. I guess nature is inescapable.

Sitting still has made me realise just how much pain I’m in. My already fragile wrist feels like it could fall off at any moment – I hope I’m overreacting. A solid pulse aches behind my eyes and my forehead is sticky with dried blood. I should really get cleaned up. I can’t hear anyone moving about so I step out from behind the curtains and go hunting for a bathroom. After three wrong doors and a dead-end, I find one, all white tile and harsh bright light, a stark contrast to the rest of the house. I splash my face with cold water, then scrub at my forehead until it’s clear of blood. The scrape isn’t as bad as it seemed. Doesn’t even hurt. I wash my hands, and the worst of the stains from my clothes, and try to pull the tangles out of my hair. My reflection is still a mess, but at least I don’t look like a corpse someone’s just dug up.

Next stop is the kitchen.

Except someone is already there.

Barbara is standing at the counter, pouring vodka into a glass, her back turned. I freeze, planning on backing out of the door before she even notices me.

“You want one?” How did she? I shake my head, stepping fully into the room and lean on the island. “No, I’m-” “The answer to that question is yes.” She’s pulled out another glass already. “We all need it after today.” “Okay then.” The glass, holding an inch of vodka, is out in front of me. I eye it, knowing I shouldn’t, that we’re not out of the woods yet. Fuck it. Picking it up I take a sip, wincing slightly at the fairly unfamiliar taste. “Rich girl too used to champagne?” Barbara teases. “Something like that.” I sigh. She pouts in response; I can’t tell if she’s being serious. “Don’t get offended. It’s a joke.” “I’m not offended. Just tired.” “Hmm, I wonder why?” She hums as she tops up my glass. “I guess your boyfriend can be quite exhausting to be around.” “He’s not my boyfriend!” My head snaps up to glare at her, but she just laughs as though I’m a tiny puppy who’s trying to be fierce. “Maybe you should try telling him that. Or telling yourself.” She gives me a pointed look. “Jerome… I don’t… We’re not-” “Ooh, “we”!” She’s trying to get on my nerves. And succeeding. “Just shut it, okay! There is no “we”. I just… can’t seem to get rid of him. He’s like a persistent spot on the face of my life.” “A beautiful metaphor, Harleen. But maybe you should think about why you can’t kill him.” She saunters past me to the door, turning for her final statement. “It’s not like you haven’t had the opportunity. So what’s holding you back?” And with that, she leaves. I down the rest of my glass, ignoring the burning, and drop it in the sink. It breaks.

She’s wrong. Whatever she thinks, she’s wrong. I haven’t killed him because I’m not a murderer. Because I’d just be proving him right. It’s not that I don’t want to, or can’t. I’m deciding not to. That’s it. It’s a choice.

I groan, pressing fists into my eyes, trying to get rid of the conflict and lies and confusion that won’t leave me alone. When I take them away and blink, I see a reflection in the window standing behind me. Silently watching. Panicking, I grab a shard of glass and spin around, pointing it at whoever is there. It’s Jerome. I lower my hand but don’t drop the glass.

He smirks at the fear. “Someone’s on edge.” “Who wouldn’t be? We’re being hunted.” I snap at him. I don’t want him anywhere near me. I can’t trust myself. After sneaking through Gotham together, being chased out of the city, the moment against the tree… I’m too complacent. Too self-indulgent. “Come on, no reason to get grumpy at me. This isn’t my fault.” He comes closer, standing beside me, one elbow resting on the counter. I refuse to look him in the eye. “Kind of is. If I hadn’t been in the hospital with you, I wouldn’t be involved in any of this.” “You don’t know that.” “Yes, I do!” I walk away from him, just a few steps but its enough. “They told me: I wasn’t supposed to be there. A happy accident.” “Stop complaining. You’re alive, your family is alive. I call this a win.” Spinning around I stare at him in disbelief. “My family is on the run, flying to another continent. I am a fugitive, stuck with a bunch of criminals. In what way is this a win?” “Seriously, Harls. You need to stop pretending you’re any different to the rest of us.” “I’m no criminal.” He raises an eyebrow. “Try telling that to the man you stabbed, or the one who’s wallet you stole, or whoever the person was who’s bike you stole.” And so many more. So many “little” things over the years. So many “victimless” crimes. I shake my head. “You might not be fully-fledged yet, but you’re well on your way. No stopping ya’ now.”

“Shut up!” I yell. “Why?” His response is almost a growl. “Are you so scared of the truth? So scared of what you really are?” “You’re wrong. I’m a good person. I… I want to be good.” I’m on the verge of tears but I can’t let him see me cry. “Goodness doesn’t have anything to do with it. This is in your blood. In your bones.” He’s coming closer. Always closer. “Stop fighting it. Stop fighting me.” “You don’t have anything to do with it.” I stop backing away and step forward to meet him. “You think you’re so important. That you’re, what, the catalyst to who I really am?” Shaking my head, I laugh. “You’re wrong. You mean nothing to me. You’re a problem, an inconvenience. You’re delusional. And when this is all over you will never see me again.”

Suddenly I’m trapped with my back to the counter and Jerome’s arms caging me in. His chest against mine and all I can think of is the look on his face when we were moments from death. He leans forward and dips his head to whisper in my ear. “So this is nothing to you? You feel nothing?” My eyes flutter closed involuntarily as he brushes against me. “If you can tell me that this doesn’t make your heart race, that you don’t want this, then I’ll leave you alone. You will never have to see me again.” It’s a lie. But that doesn’t matter, because I know he can feel how fast my heart is beating against my ribs, he can feel the slight tremor running through my body. Do I really want him out of my life? To never see him again? The battle in my brain is dulled when his lips make contact with my neck. They’re impossibly gentle – it barely feels like him. I let out a shaky breath to cover the moan that almost escaped. Give in… Just give in… His hand is on my waist. He smells like blood and dirt and smoke. His skin is warm.

But I can’t. I shove him away, struggling to hide the reaction he already knows he got. He’s smirking.

“Leave me alone. Just… just leave me alone!” I run out of the door, run away from the heat and the tension of the house and of Jerome and of my own weakness.

He doesn’t follow me. Alone again. Shivering in the cold night air. I’m in the garden. It sprawls out of sight, paths winding through hedges and flowers and trees. It sounds like there’s a stream nearby. I wander, trying not to let my thoughts consume me. I fail.

What do I really want?

I know the answer to that. But it scares me. I don’t want to want it. I don’t want to want him. I need to get him out of my system. Or I’ll never get away. And I’ll never want to.

Sighing, I drop down heavily onto a bench.

Everything is too much. All my thoughts and emotions are like a whirlwind.

At least my family are safe.

At least I hope they are.

It’s too quiet. The air is still. Even the stream is almost inaudible. A branch behind me snaps.

I jump up too late.

Strong arms are wrapped around me, a needle pricking my neck. I scream behind the hand trapping my mouth shut. I flail and kick and bite at whatever I can find but lead quickly fills my limbs. I only manage one decent hit before my body completely shuts down and my mind begins to fade into sleep.

CHAPTER THIRTY

#jerome valeska #jerome valeska/harleen quinzel #jerome valeska x harleen quinzel #harleen quinzel #gotham #harley quinn

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fanfoolishness · 5 years ago

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Steven Universe: Future thoughts

Spoilers for the first four episodes below the jump! All sorts of rambling ahead! Please message me or reblog to share your thoughts, I wanna talk about it all!

I’ll try to organize things by episode. I won’t be able to rewatch them until they go up on Apple TV so this is all off the cuff. AHOY!

1x01 Little Homeschool

Steven has White, Blue and Yellow essences in his bathroom cupboard. Maybe keep a bottle of your own spit just to be safe? You never know?

Aww Cherry Quartz is cute. Did she actually get named? I assume that’s who that is.

I had thought that shot in the trailer was going to be Pink Smoky Quartz. I was wrong, but then we DO get Pink Smoky Quartz next episode ahhhh!

We all know Steven drew that picture of himself and the Diamonds on the brochure.

I like to think that Steven keeps up with his drawing during quiet times, and while he isn’t technically great, most 16-year-old artists aren’t great per se. What’s important is that he keeps doing it and he’ll keep getting better!

Little Homeschool looks awesome and I want to go make some morps with Vidalia. Wait, were Lapis and Peridot there? I don’t remember. They should be!

I’m so glad Jasper isn’t the big bad!!! And I love that she’s just antisocial but not actively harming anyone (beetles and grass aside).

Still no explanation for the blanket, I love it

STEVEN GO OFF, YOU TELL HER NOT TO HURT THAT BEETLE

Whoa Steven, that rage is juuuuust below the surface these days, isn’t it? I get being annoyed at Jasper and I’m sure this isn’t the first time they’ve had this discussion but he really does just go off on her pretty damn quickly, and several times.

I am concerned that he referenced her corrupting herself. I DON’T WANT CORRUPTED STEVEN Y’ALL, this better not be foreshadowing!!!!!

Honestly Jasper just needs to get into wrestling, I’m shocked Amethyst and Steven haven’t pointed this out to her

I’m dying at her attacking all the Earthlings in her little radius

Awww Steven, at first he’s really intrigued by Diamond Mode and wants to learn how to use it better. So optimistic!

Except you totally killed about 10 conifers and only healed one, so way to hurt the forest dude

Am I the only one wondering how conflicted Dr. Maheswaren must feel, knowing Steven can heal all this crazy shit and that a) she’s toiling at doing it the old-fashioned way, b) he could really help her patients, and c) he isn’t?

Looking forward to seeing Steven and Jasper talk again, but I really hope it’s not because Steven’s been corrupted and is trying to get over it. Urrrgh no ;_;

I do want to see if she has tips for how to control anger. Or how to use it and learn from it. But I’m not sure she knows either.

Steven is a shark. Because if he’s not swimming, he’s sinking. And swimming to him is helping people. If he can’t do that, if he can’t do what he’s supposed to do in his mind, what is he doing? He’s gonna sink this season and it’s gonna be FUCKING SPECTACULAR.

1x02 Guidance

Amethyst is so proud of herself! It’s awesome!

Steven is clearly a little uncomfortable that he didn’t come up with the idea, isn’t he? He also has a hard time figuring out that there are ways to use what you’re made for instead of having to run from it. Of course, that isn’t true for everyone. Little Larimar did love screams and children more than ice. The best lesson is that people are different, some are comfortable working in a certain zone whereas others need to struggle past it to feel complete.

Amethyst was sitting in front of the Teens of Rage video game. I FEEL THIS WILL BE SIGNIFICANT Y’ALL.

I’m just so glad Mr. Smiley finally isn’t understaffed. He could take a day off and go visit Mr. Frowny!

Uncle Andy is back! Yay! And he’s getting involved with Beach City in general, I’m really happy to see him putting down some roots.

Smoky Quartz is back!

PINK SMOKY HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THEM GO

Love love love the pink/purple asides for the Steven and Amethyst debate while being Smoky Quartz

TIME SLOWING/SUPER SPEED POWERS??? I WAS NOT PREPARED

The roller coaster exploded IN THE OCEAN I can’t EVEN

So far both Steven and Amethyst are intrigued and impressed by Diamond Mode, and sure, it seems harmless now...

Steven is worried he’s losing his touch helping people. That makes me worried that that’s part of a bigger feeling, not just this particular snafu.

Amethyst being so direct is often the one who gets closest to Steven talking about his feelings. He started to go there, but then Little Larimar showed up again with their terrifying talk about screams....

1x03 Rose Buds

I’m really glad Greg and the Gems aren’t giving Steven shit about not wanting Rose to be looming over him in portrait form. Now if y’all will also TALK to Steven about how he feels about it... but at least they’re okay with him removing the portrait.

HOOOOOOLY SHIT Y’ALL

I’m so happy J-10 and Y-6 are back!

OMFG they are NOT over Greg and it’s amazing

GAH-REG HOW COULD YOU

I’m glad the Zoomans are in control of their own destiny and able to go where they wish!

no no no no no no no no no no we all know what’s coming here

Coming face to face with Rose Quartzes = instant KO for one Steven Universe

I almost had a panic attack with him as the Roses clustered around him and the music got tenser and tenser and the camera zoomed in on his face and that was fucking INTENSE PEOPLE

Greg seeing the Roses and just noping the fuck outta there, amazing, everyone in this family is so repressed

Poor Garnet and Pearl hiding in the bathroom

“Yeah, it’s weird”

Poor Rose Quartz-who-most-looks-like-our-Rose-Quartz, it’s clear she is much more emotionally in tune than the other two (due to her belly gem placement?)

STEVEN GOT NEW PAJAMAS

but let him sleep shirtless you cowards!

Also he just looked... so GROWNUP in that scene by the warp pad? His proportions were just no longer little kidlike? And he is still cutely beefy but not really little-kid chubby anymore and teen me would have had it BAD for him at this point, I’m just sayin’

Steven is S O O O O S T R E S S E D R I G H T N O W

he’s eating his fucking blanket in an attempt to not talk about his problems I CAN’T

also HAVE WE NOTICED that Steven will eventually end up telling strangers at least some of what’s bothering him, but never the people who actually love and care about him

this episode was so damn tense it is masterful

I’m glad they managed to talk things out a little

but clearly Steven is still, as always, just scratching the surface, this poor kid just needs to GO OFF.

did he go pink in this one from stress for a second? Or was that the next one?

1x04 Volleyball

You cannot tell me that that white coat is not a hand-me-down from Dr. Maheswaren, it is CANON IN MY MIND

also damn how many Gems are cracking themselves right and left that this needs to happen regularly?

seriously though Steven, you might just want to get a spittoon and start sending one to every hospital ever, you would undo A LOT of human suffering....

Steven honey I’m so sorry your mom did you so wrong and I’m so sorry you’re so scared of everything to do with her and NONE OF IT IS YOUR FAULT OKAY

but maybe also you need to learn how to face some of this stuff so it doesn’t scare you so badly

Poor Pink Pearl!

Volleyball? Seriously Steven? so insensitive how do you know Pink didn’t throw a volleyball at her head

Poor Pearl and Volleyball feeling so jealous about each other

Volleyball is 8000 years old?? damn how old was Pink?

oooooooh the Reef! so cool and mysterious! Look at all those Pearl possibilities!

So Pink damaged her Pearl, and she sent her to the Reef for repair. They fixed her gem, but when she reformed, the trauma was still so severe that she reformed with the crack. Oh man :(

Now again I don’t want Corrupted Steven but you could probably wrangle that into support for the theory.

I prefer to think that Steven will do something different than straight-up Corruption to himself, but we could see something like the crack form instead of Corruption.

Willing himself into a monster form only works if he thinks of himself completely as a monster. Right now he thinks Pink is the monster, and he thinks, finally, that he isn’t Pink. So either he’d have to really hurt somebody and then view himself as a monster, or, my preference, he would develop something like a scar or pink eyes or stay pink all the time or something until he’s figured out his issues.

I JUST DON’T WANT HIM TO HAVE HORNS, YOU GUYS.

Pearl WAS protecting Volleyball from Steven oh NOOOOO

STEVEN SONIC SCREAM

So we’ve got Diamond Mode Strength, Super Speed, and Sonic Scream, man oh man oh man

this finally makes sense because all the other Diamonds have such well-developed offensive powers

Pink must have been like “no those are dangerous I don’t want them, what else can I do” and developed her healing powers secretly

I always wondered why the Diamonds never recognized Rose Quartz’s healing tears or shield as belonging to Pink

And it must be that she never showed it to them

They maybe only knew about her offensive powers

MEGA PEARL IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND WISE AND HER RIBBON DANCING IS SO MAGNIFICENT AND I LOVE THEM JUST TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER YOU TWO

I can’t believe we got a new fusion so quickly!!!!

Fuck that bitch Shell amirite

look, someone help Steven.

Please help Steven.

HELP. STEVEN.

No new trailer for next week???? COWARDS

omg someone please please scream about all this with me

#steven universe spoilers #steven universe future #steven universe future spoilers #suf spoilers #suf #steven universe: future #steven universe: future spoilers #spoilers #steven universe #su:f spoilers #su:f #haha i have tagged this to high heaven #it's a long-ass post!#please feel free to message me or reblog to share your own thoughts!!!!#fanfoolishness su meta

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