#none of these people are zapping their dogs that's for sure

[sergle]

its so crazy how effective and quick positive reinforcement is for pretty much every animal but especially for domesticated animals, theyre all food motivated and if they understand that you give them food theyre likely willing to try and learn. Negative reinforcement or needed a firm hand is such a strange way to treat animals that were genetically altered to work With you and to like you.

IT IS SO WILD... negative reinforcement for an animal whose number one desire is to Have Something To Do and Love You is completely fucking counterintuitive

[not-neverland06]

How About A Nuke?

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV

The ghoul x fem!reader A/N: I’ve received more love and interaction with this series than I have with any of my other works, so thank you all so much for that ♥️ That being said, I’ve also had a lot of comments talking about how excited readers are for Cooper eventually finding his humanity. This is not going to be that chapter, so strap in and good luck. I’m anticipating there to be about two chapter of this story (most likely.) Summary: The surface sucks. There’s nothing else to it, you’re affronted by violence and brutality every minute you’re up here. The one thing that’s kept you going has been Cooper slowly easing up, you should have known better. Warnings: Themes of SA but none is actually committed.

“Up,” you jumped, jolted harshly out of your restless sleep. You weren’t sure when you’d passed out last night but it was a long while after you’d struck your deal with Cooper. A glance through one of the holes in the wall told you it was still slightly dark outside. 

He strode to the door, throwing it open and not bothering to see if you were following. You scrambled up to your feet, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes while you hurried to catch up with him. You trailed slightly behind him for a while, not willing to risk pissing him off by getting too close. 

He’d always been an even tempered man, at least when you’d known him, this brutality was something completely foreign to you. Left you feeling like you were walking on glass every time you even looked at him. 

After about an hour and a half of walking without speaking, you felt yourself starting to go a little crazy. You rushed up to his side, glaring under the harsh beams of sunlight. “Where are we headed?” He didn’t bother looking at you or even acknowledging that you spoke. 

He simply kept his eyes ahead and kept going. You huffed and let yourself fall back again. He clearly wasn’t in the mood for conversation today. Another hour and you felt yourself starting to slow down. You didn’t have a handy little canteen like Cooper did, you certainly didn’t have any fucking sunscreen. You could already feel yourself starting to pour sweat and your lips were peeling again. 

Any rest you’d gotten from last night was zapped out of you. You’d barely started the day’s journey and already you felt like you were going to keel over. You stopped for a moment, not thinking he’d pay attention, and leaned over to try and catch your breath. 

“Come on!” You glanced up. He’d stopped a few yards up ahead, he was glaring at you, impatiently waiting for you to get a move on. You groaned, taking in a deep breath and forcing your feet to move again. 

“Please, can I just have a sip of water?”

He grinned and pulled out the canteen. You felt the briefest amount of energy shooting back through you at the prospect of water. Your hands reached for it but he snatched it away and took a deep gulp. You licked your lips, mouth feeling even dryer while you watched him guzzle the last of his water down. 

You felt yourself deflate again, too tired to even get properly mad at him. He was just being a dick now. “Fuck you,” you muttered, brushing past him and continuing ahead. 

“Come on, darlin’,” he caught up with you. Not like it was hard, you were going the pace of a turtle right now. 

You felt like a panting dog under the summer sun, practically drooling in an attempt to keep your throat moistened. You pulled the zipper of the vault suit down and tied the sleeves around your waist. 

“I’d keep that zipped if I were you.” You knew he was talking about, the black slip you had on underneath the suit. Probably not smart to go advertising your assets like this, you had no idea had bad the people out here were. But so far you hadn’t seen anyone for miles and you needed a few minutes to try and dry the sweat on your back. 

You didn’t bother responding to him, it was a waste of breath at this point. “You ignoring me now?” You grunted, reaching up to wipe off your forehead and slick the hairs off your skin. “You wouldn’t want the water anyway, unless you got a purifier everything you’ll find out here is radiated to all hell.”

“You were still an asshole,” you muttered. 

He scoffed, glancing over at you before looking back out at the horizon. “We’ll be coming up on an old town, see if you can find yourself some supplies while we’re passing through.” You glanced over at him but he was walking ahead of you again. 

You wondered if this was his attempt at an apology or if he was just heading there because he needed something. Either way, it would provide you a break at least. 

“This is pathetic.”

You glared up at Cooper from where you sit curled up on the floor of an old house. “I’ll remind you that as of yesterday, to me, the most physical labor I had to do was switch out with a stunt double.”

He scoffed and shook his head, not bothering to respond. He walked past you and started rummaging around in drawers. From the abandoned bed rolls on the ground it was clear that somebody used to use this place as their base. You just wondered what sent them running. 

“Hey,” he barked, “we’re not staying here forever. Get a fucking move on.”

You groaned and slowly got to your feet, you stumbled to the other side of the house, rummaging around for anything you could change into or something to eat. You could hear Cooper moving around in the back of the house. He kept slamming drawers and cussing up a storm. 

You’re not sure what crawled up his ass and died but you figure it’s smart to just stay out of the way while he’s like this. 

She made his skin crawl. Being around her was just a constant reminder of what he’d had, who he’d been, and what he was now. Everytime she looked at him with those hurt eyes of hers he just wanted to shoot something. 

He hated feeling like this, almost like he was out of control. He knew what he was, he knew what he had to do to survive in a world like this. But she didn’t. She was naive to the way the Wastelands worked and innocent to the brutality she’d soon find herself in the middle of. 

He should have left her dying in the sand. He should have left her to choke to death in her pod. He was itching to get to Filly, the longer he stayed around her the more on edge he felt. He didn’t need someone slowing him down, she was a weakness and the Ghoul didn’t do weaknesses. 

His hands twitched towards the holster at his side and for a moment he really thought about it. Just sneaking up behind her and burying a bullet in her skull. He’d be getting rid of his problem and saving her from a lot of trouble in the future. She’d never do well in this new world, she was still someone from the old world. 

It would be a mercy to just put her out of her misery now. 

The button of the holster clicked as he popped it open. Slowly, he made his way towards the room she was in, the leather of his gloves creaking as he wrapped his hand around the handle of his gun. Quick, in and out. She wouldn’t even know what was happening before it was too late and the light in her eyes was out. 

Her back was to him, rummaging around in the wreckage of the room. She was completely vulnerable and exposed. Like she didn’t understand how easy it would be for someone to sneak up on her or she stupidly expected him to defend her. 

“Hey! I think I found something!”

His hand jolted away from his gun and he shook his head. What the fuck was he thinking? He still technically needed her for his business in Filly. “What?” He snapped. 

She let out a yelp and jumped. She whirled around on him, hand clutching her chest and stared at him with wide, frightened eyes. It really would be easy to just take her out now. 

“Jesus,” he could tell when she was about to say his name. She’d bite her lip real hard and frown, she was doing it now. For a moment he was thinking about how they used to scare each other. They would make a stupid game of it and she would always hit him and yell, Jesus, Coop! 

He used to think it was hilarious. Now he was just resisting the urge to draw his gun on her. 

“What,” he enunciated each word, speaking to her like she was a child, “did you find?”

She glared at him and moved aside, showing him the stash of shit she’d uncovered. There were a lot of good supplies here, nothing he could use, but enough to stick in a pack for her. Only problem was nobody would leave all this here. Either they were coming back for it or whatever had killed them off was coming for it. 

“Hurry and pack this shit up, we need to get out of here.” When she didn’t move fast enough he snapped, “Now!” She knelt down, hurriedly scooping all the supplies into the ratty old bag on the ground next to them. 

He walked back towards the front of the house, pulling his gun out and surveying the destroyed houses. He didn’t see anybody but that didn’t mean shit anymore. Ever since Muldaver started bringing people into her cult the raiders seemed to have been getting smarter. They needed to get the fuck out and quick. 

“Alright, let's go!” He leaned back in the doorway, peering back into the house and waiting for her to pop out. There was a moment of silence and he frowned, slowly heading back into the house. 

A scream ripped out of the room, echoing into the empty streets of the neighborhood. He rushed back into the house and slowed down once he reached the hall. He could hear her talking to someone, yelling at them more like. He only heard two other voices, wouldn’t be too bad if he didn’t hear more approaching the front of the house. 

“Fuck,” he muttered. He flipped open the chamber of his gun, counting his bullets and trying to decide whether or not she was actually worth helping. 

“Well, ain’t you pretty?”

“Back the fuck off,” you clutched the backpack to your chest, gaze darting between the two men before you. Men was being generous, you’re sure they’d been men once but now they were just twisted freaks capable of nothing but violence. 

The one on the left smiled, blackened teeth making an appearance and the boils around his mouth shifting. You stumbled further back, nearly tripping over a toppled over couch. You only had so much room to move, you were gonna be backed into a corner soon and you didn’t want to think about what they would do to you then. 

The scalpel in your pocket could slit one of their throats but the other one would be on you before you could blink. Still, you kept your hand firmly wrapped around it while you glared at them. 

“You know,” the one on the right started. You could practically smell him from here, his hair so greasy it looked soaking wet. “You’re being awfully rude for someone who just helped herself to our supplies.”

“Pay the price pretty lady and we’ll let you go,” he leered and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what the “price” was. You’d sooner slit your own throat then spread your legs for them. But you also weren’t about to give up the supplies in the bag you were holding. You may be new to this whole Wastelands thing, but you figured Cooper wasn’t going to share. If you didn’t get this bag out of here, you weren’t going to make it another day. 

“You got a working right hand, go fuck yourself.”

They laughed and moved in closer. “We got a fighter, Bart!”

“Sure do, Jed.”

You yelped, tripping over a loose plank of wood and falling on your ass, the scalpel flew out of your hand and skittered across the floor. You barely even breathed before they were pouncing on you. Rough hands gripped your ankles and dragged you across the splintered floor. They were more wild animals than men. 

You tried to kick out, screaming for help and flailing your fists wildly. You felt your hand connect with something hard and then there was a low groan of pain before your arms were being pinned. “No! Let me go!”

They started laughing, one of them tugging the sleeves of your suit off your waist and whistling at the slip underneath. You brought your knee up into his gut but it barely phased him. He just swatted your leg to the side like you were nothing to him. 

You could feel a visceral type of panic brewing in you. There were a lot of things worse than death. The prospect of these men actually getting their hands on you had you kicking out again. You tugged on your arms until you were sure you were doing more damage to yourself than to them. But you didn’t care, you couldn’t think, you were working on the base instinct to protect yourself. 

The sound of spurs echoed down the hallway before Cooper was turning the corner. He had his gun raised and was pointing it right at them. “I do believe the lady said no.”

“We found her first,” one of them let go of your suit to crouch in front of you. He looked like an animal guarding his territory. The other chuckled, barely sparing Cooper a glance. 

“Actually,” he cocked the hammer of his gun back, “you didn’t.”

You processed your ears ringing before you got to the gunshot. You couldn’t hear anything, a high pitched whining making your jaw clench in pain. Your arms went slack and you quickly pulled your pants back up, zipping the suit all the way to your throat. You rolled onto your hands and knees, barely cognizant of the puddle of blood you were dragging yourself through. 

Two arms wrapped around your waist and you acted without thought. You swung out blindly, yelling and clawing like a wild cat. “-nough! That’s enough, come on!” Cooper’s voice broke through the haze and you went limp with relief. 

He tightened his arms around you and dragged you to your feet. You glanced down at yourself, finally feeling the warmth seeping through your clothes. You were doused head-to-toe in those men’s blood. Your face was completely covered. 

You glanced to the right and had to suppress a gag. Brains and skull were mashed together in a disgusting puddle of gore, nothing left of the men who’d grabbed you. “Hey,” Cooper shook you slightly and your eyes shot back to his. “We need to leave now, they’ll be more coming.”

You nodded dumbly, not really sure you were processing what was actually going on. Half of you was still stuck thinking you had to keep fighting, the other half wanted to be back in the cryogenic pod. He wrapped a hand around your arm and shoved the bag into your arms. 

Then you felt something heavy being pressed into the palm of your hand. You glanced down, surprised to find one of his guns in your hand. “What’re-”

“Clearly, you need something to defend yourself. You still remember how to shoot, don't you?” You nodded, of course you did, he’s the one that taught you. “Good, now move your ass.” He gave you a rough shove and you stumbled over the bodies. 

One thing you were learning was that you didn’t get a whole lot of time to process things in the Wastelands. One minute you were on the floor being stripped and the next you were ducking behind an old house to avoid raiders. You didn’t linger on what happened, you tried to keep your mind firmly gripped in the present. You couldn’t give it too much thought or you’d shut down. 

Cooper moved ahead of you, slinking around the back of the neighborhood to make sure the coast was clear. You slid the straps of the bag over your shoulders and followed quietly after him. You made it to the border of the houses and figured you could relax a bit now. 

Clearly, they weren’t coming after you. They might have heard the gunshots but they had no clue where you were. Cooper wasn’t going to risk it though, he wrapped his hand around your arm again and roughly dragged you behind him. 

“Keep up, I’m not gonna come back for you if you fall behind.”

But he already had. He could have left you to those raiders. He came back for you, even he couldn’t deny that. 

“Do you think we’ll be safe here?” He glanced up at you and nodded wordlessly. You stacked the last piece of wood for the fire and sat back. He leaned forward, striking his knife against a rock and waiting for the sparks to catch. 

You watched without thought, mind lingering on the feeling of blood sticking to your skin and clothes. Everytime you moved bits of it flaked off or crusted further onto your skin. You were nearly ready to just claw your skin off to get rid of the feeling. 

“Here,” you glanced up, surprised to find him holding up a wet cloth. “Wipe your face off, you look fucking insane.”

You grabbed it, scrubbing at your face and hands until your skin was raw. “Thanks,” you muttered, tossing the cloth back to him. He caught it and tucked it in his pocket. It felt strange between you. You’re not sure what it was exactly. Maybe you were just projecting, still worked up from what happened earlier. 

It wasn’t a bad strange, per say, just odd. “Take first watch,” he ordered. You just nodded, watching as he leaned against the wall of the old house you were camped in. He pulled his hat over his eyes and stilled. You weren’t sure he was asleep until you heard a few light snores coming from him. 

You glanced down at the gun in your hands. You opened the chamber and counted the bullets before closing it again. It wasn’t like the guns he used to teach you with, that’s for sure. It was bigger, bulkier, probably had a bitch of a recoil too. But you could point and aim well enough, hopefully you wouldn’t need to fire off more than one shot if someone did bother you tonight. 

You’re not sure when you fell asleep, you know you shouldn’t. It’s up to you to make sure no one tries to slit your throat in your sleep. But the events of the day caught up to you faster than you thought they would and before you knew it you were slumping back against the wall and dead to the world. 

Your eyes snap open at the sound of wood creaking. There’s a man, he looks like the ones from today, standing over Cooper. He’s got his knife hovering above his throat. You’re pulling the trigger before you can even think about what you’re doing. 

He lets out a howl of pain and slumps onto the floor. Cooper’s eyes shoot open and he jumps up, he pulls out his own gun but the man is already dead before he can pull the trigger. You stare at the body in shock, mind running so fast you can’t even process what you’re thinking. 

“I killed him,” you muttered. You can feel the gun slipping out of your grasp, hands shaking too badly to keep a good grip on it. “I killed him.”

Cooper walks over and picks the gun back up. He sticks it into the pocket of your backpack and grabs your face. You wince slightly as his fingers push against the bruises on your cheeks but don’t complain. He’s not being rough like you’ve come to expect. 

He stares at you for a long moment, eyes boring into yours with an unreadable expression. “I just killed him,” you whisper again. You’re still trying to reconcile with that fact. You knew it would happen eventually, today had taught you that much. But you hadn’t expected it to shock you as much as it had. 

Maybe it’s because you didn’t manage to blow his head off with one shot. You watched as the light left his eyes. 

“You did a good job, we need to move now, sweetheart. Let’s go.”

And despite what you’d just done, you could really only focus on the fact that was the first time he’d called you that without sounding cruel. 

You were getting closer to Filly, you could see a large forest a couple miles ahead of you. Being closer to the trees, even by such a little amount, was doing wonders in improving your mood. You found you didn’t mind the sun and heat as much when you just kept reminding yourself that soon you could find some shade. 

You passed by an old sunken billboard, Filly spray painted across it with an arrow pointing the way. You found yourself pushing Cooper further ahead today, more and more excited to find somewhere with halfway civilized people. 

You made it to the edge of the forest before Cooper stopped you. He threw his bag down next to a fallen log and pointed up towards the sky. “Sun’s setting, trust me, you don’t want to be exploring these woods after dark.”

The ominous tone had chills raising along your arms, you frowned and glanced towards the dense grove of trees. Something within them trilled out towards the night sky. You found yourself scooting a little closer to him, wary of what was waiting in there for you. 

He huffed out a laugh and started building a fire. You dug through your bag, pulling out the few rations you’d gleaned from the raiders. You held one out to him but he shook his head and pulled out his odd looking jerky instead. 

You’re not really sure what that shit is made of, but you know you don’t want to know. You were too afraid to ask him. Especially after you tried a bite the other day, it didn’t taste like any meat you recognized. 

You ate in a comfortable silence, the sound of your chewing drowned out by the insects flitting around in the trees above you. But he kept glancing at you, giving you odd looks that had you on edge. “What?” You finally snapped, sick of him looking at you weird. 

You hadn’t felt clean since you’d crossed the desert, but after what happened yesterday your skin was crawling with shame and disgust. You felt like you needed to scrape the skin off until you felt clean. He was making you feel even worse. 

“So,” he leaned back against the log. He took his time getting comfortable, letting you squirm before he deigned to finish his sentence. “You really didn’t leave for Vault-Tec?”

You glared at him and shook your head. Why did he still think that? How could he think that? It pissed you off to no end. “Why in God’s name would I do that?” Your tone was indignant. But there was a slightly desperate undertone to it as well. You hated the thought of Cooper genuinely thinking that you had just up and left him one day without a word. 

“Well, I don’t know. I looked for you for a while. Eventually I gave up, figured you’d just found someone else to shack up with.”

You were pained that he would think that of you. “How could you say that?”

He chuckled but it wasn’t kind, it was that cruel laugh that made you feel small, like something to be squashed under his boot. “Well, not like we meant a whole lot to each other.”

Your voice was barely above a whisper. Not fully processing what he was trying to say to you. “What?”

It took you by surprise, the hatred in his eyes when he glared at you. “What do you think happened, sweetheart?” You hated the way your old nickname rolled off his tongue. It sounded tainted now, twisted by his cruelty. 

“You were at the peak of your career, the sexiest actress of your generation,” he sneered at you, yellowed teeth flashing in the firelight. Your fingers curled into your palms, broken nails digging dully into your cracked skin. His eyes ticked up in interest at your minute shift in behavior. He had always been good at reading people. Except he didn’t used to use that skill so horribly. 

He didn’t let up, digging further into you when he noticed your discomfort. “You were a sex symbol, darlin’ and I was freshly divorced. Did you really think any of that was love?” He scoffed and you felt tears pricking at your eyes. “No,” he shook his head and ripped off another piece of jerky, scoffing at you. “You really think I was gonna say no to a pretty young thing like you? You were just a hole to fill, honey. That’s all.”

You felt like you’d been punched in the gut, actually, you’d think you’d prefer that to how you feel right now. It was getting hard to get the air down your throat, you felt like you were suffocating on the smoke from the fire. Winded and you hadn’t even done anything. 

Everything, everything, he was saying was perfectly concocted to hurt you as much as fucking possible. He knew how you felt about your place in the world, how desperately you had crawled your way into being seen as something human. You’re sure he’s just saying this to hurt you, to keep you away. 

If you were more mature you might even just let it go, realize it was a childish attempt at hurting you and keep going. But this was a man you’d opened up to completely. To take those parts of yourself that he knew were vulnerable and wield them like a weapon against you was something you just couldn’t look past. Especially not after what happened yesterday. 

You clenched your eyes shut, trying to keep the tears at bay and weakly nodded your head. “Alright. You’ve said your piece. You done?”

He nearly frowned, eyes lowering as he gave you an odd look over the fire. He seemed to be expecting something else. Maybe for you to fight back. Well, if that’s what he wanted he was going to be sorely disappointed. He’d just drained the fight out of you with a few measly insults. 

After a tense moment of silence he nodded. “Great,” you refused to look at him as you got up and grabbed your pack. 

“Where are you going?” he questioned, tone souring as you continued to avoid looking at him. 

“Far away from you as I can get,” you muttered, stalking off into the dead trees. You weren’t a complete idiot, you stayed in sight of the fire, but you couldn’t bear to lay so close to him tonight. Not after what he just said to you. Not after you thought you had finally been making progress and he threw that in your face. 

“Fine, pout all you want sweetheart, give the radroaches a nice meal!” He shouted at your retreating back. You still kept your head down, hand clutched over your stomach while you tried not to cry. You threw your bag down on the ground, a choked sob slipping through your lips while you sank against a tree. 

You felt so stupid! To actually believe that any of the man you loved was left in him had been a fool’s hope. You wiped your eyes harshly, pissed at yourself for crying again. This was the apocalypse, there wasn’t time to cry and moan because the man you loved didn’t love you back. 

You’d dealt with that feeling for years when you pined after Cooper. You could deal with it again. 

Only, the last time you’d pined like this, you hadn’t actually had a taste of what being with him was really like. Knowing that the whole time you were with him he just saw you as something to pass the time hurt you more than you wanted to admit. 

You glanced over your shoulder, watching as he packed away the rest of his food and sank back against the log. He tilted his hat over his eyes and settled in for the night. You turned back around, using the dwindling light of the fire to scope out the forest before you. 

Cooper had said it was only a day’s walk to Filly. Go a mile north into the trees and you’d find the signs pointing the way. His cruel words festered bitterly in your stomach and you found yourself on your feet before you could really think about what you were doing. 

You crept your way towards the campfire and grabbed one of the burning sticks. Cooper shifted and you stilled, wincing as you waited for him to wake up and question what you were doing. But he just shifted onto his side. You ran back towards your bag and threw it over your shoulder. 

You only spared Cooper one last look before you made your way further into the woods. He’d made it clear enough that he wasn’t looking for companionship or friendship. You could respect that, but you weren’t going to tolerate him being a fucking dick to you at every opportunity he got. 

If he wanted to see how far he could push you until you reached the edge, he’d done it. You were done trying to cater to his temper. You could make it a day on your own. After that, you’d find something for yourself in Filly, but you were sure as hell done with Cooper Howard. 

He was a ghost that should have stayed fucking dead. 

SERIES TAGLIST: @pixelatedprofilepic @o0mellowdramatic0o @bisasterbisexual @julianmarie @v3n1x @weakling-grace @coolrobloxkid28 @sunnexaltation @fiftyshadesofokay @ktdragonborn

end. — I do not own the characters or the game/show Fallout, but this writing is my own all rights reserved © not-neverland06 2024. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

[polymc]

Soulmate AU Facts

TW!! There is talks about people passing away. That is all though.

Main Story Facts

MC and the devils meet in order of the main story. Minhyeok first, Satan, Sitri, And so on.

They aren’t as horny as they are in the game. They still are but way more wholesome with a dash of smut.

When a zap happens, MC makes sure to tell their soulmate immediately that they have 72+ more. They don’t want to hide anything from them.

MC in this universe is a lot more laid back. They aren’t crazy horny all the time and genuinely want to get to know each soulmate they have.

MC’s parents did still pass away in this universe but It is unknown how. Only MC, Minhyeok, and his family know how they passed.

MC inherited a lot of money but continues to work. They still act lazy when at home but they work hard outside their home and try not to use any of that money.

Some of the devils live together and some of them are just close friends. The kings all grew up together thanks to their parents but while they were friends, They still had separate groups of friends outside of that circle.

Solomon was around when MC was a child. MC doesn’t remember much but they remember all the stores he would tell about magic and a fantasy world. When he passed, They kept all his books that he wrote those stories in.

The soulmates still all have their mental illnesses and have a lot of the same habits in the game. Example, Satan still grinds his teeth, Beelzebub can’t stay still in one place, And Leviathan’s jealousy. 

While they tend to get a little jealous, All the soulmates agree they love MC and they secretly not only look out for them but each other.

Funny Main Story Facts

MC has a group chat with all their soulmates but, the soulmates also have one without MC in it. The one with MC is called “Gotta catch them all!” and the one without is called “Hell's Council”.

They all take time out of their days to go to MC’s work just to see them and even have lunch. Their boss thinks it’s sweet so they made a section just for them. 

Dates almost always have all or more than one soulmate but MC makes sure they get 1 on 1 time with each soulmate.

All the soulmates have MC as their wallpaper. MC however can’t fit all of them on their wallpaper so they secretly have pictures of them in their phone case.

When a movie comes out that MC wants to see, They rent out the whole theater just to fit everyone... Don’t ask how they figure out who sits where.

Mammon has bought MC an Alaska King size bed in case any of the soulmates slept over. Though it was pointless since most of the time they steal MC to one of their places.

The mall almost has MC and all the soulmates working there. They are all spread out differently. 

First ever date they all went on was to an amusement park. None of them could agree where to go so MC snuck off and said whoever found them first got to choose. They all had fun at the end of the day.

All the soulmates that can cook have made it a habit to make lunches for everyone at least once to twice a seek. They mostly do this for MC but since they make so much food, They share it with the others. They fight who feeds MC though. 

Side Facts

Nina and Samael are soulmates in this universe. Nina is a regular at the store MC works at and Samael works at the cafeteria. Satan thinks of Nina as his little sister.

The Solomon we know doesn’t exist here. He is still MC’s grandfather but the devils never met him in this universe.

Belial still has Jjyu. He is now a small retired service dog who Belial rescued from a horrible situation. Jjyu only likes Belial, Satan, And over time, MC.

The angels exist in this world too but they are not soulmates to MC. They do however also share a soulmate but it is unknown who.

The red lump family exists but they are everywhere. Some are in the city, some in the countryside and so on. Wherever someone goes, There will be a red lump family there.

The king's parents are the same as in the game. Mammon and Belial dads for example are the same. That meaning Lucifer is related to the angels in this world.

There are all kinds of soulmates in the world. Some have just the one, some have multiple, and some even have platonic soulmates.

God in the game is human in this world as well. He and Solomon were actually very close at some point. His name is Go in this world.

Ppyong aka Juno is Minhyeok’s best friend still in this universe. He always knew of his crush on MC and constantly said that they were soulmates before MC’s birthday.

The kings families all have business under their surnames. Their surnames are dedicated to hell. Levithan’s would be “Hades” for example.

[wonik1ss]

౨ৎ Work Adversaries ! — kim minji

pairing — non idol!minji x reader song rec : swan song — ssera, pretty girls — reneé rapp ( 1.7k ) warnings ! none ᯤ ^ ㅇ ^ happy reading ! ⸝⸝・ᘏᘏ

prompt : synopsis : on a fateful Wednesday afternoon 2 people cut ties with you. but with cupid on your side you have 2 different paths to take to hopefully get back together with these 2 people by Valentine’s Day end! val event !

“Jesus don’t open your mouth like that it stinks”. Wonyoung pretended to yawn but halfway a pillow hit her face.

“Rude..”. Rolling your eyes you got out of bed and went to your closest.

“Can’t just stand infront of someone’s bed and expect them to not be weirded the fuck out”. Just as you were about to pick a suit

Wonyoung slapped your hand.

“I got you”

“But-“

“Babe I’m sorry but your closest is.. it looks like you have a dog”. You tilted your head as Wonyoung looked down.

“Are you saying it looks like a dog played in my closest?!”. Wonyoung nodded and ran out of your room. You shook your head and then went to take a shower. When you got out you saw black dress, shoes and white socks.

“It’s great I know”. You held in your laugh and got dressed. Just ask you fixed your socks Wonyoung unlocked the door.

“So-“

“Wonyoung?!”

“Sorry I’ll be quick just let me do your make up!”. You sighed as Wonyoung say you down on the toilet and zapped some make up products in her hand.

“I’m like your angel..!”. Your laughed and looked at your phone.

“Shit! I’m going to be-“

“Ubers down stairs go go go!”. You nodded grabbed your stuff and ran to the Uber.

As you ran into the office a few eyes went to you. You heard a chuckle to your right. You looked over to see Minji.

“Ya got a little something..”. Minji brushed a stray hair from your lip as you stared up at her.

“You look like a lost puppy.. why are you so late?”. Your eyes went wide and then she laughed again.

“Joking your like three minutes early”. You shoved the girl and she giggled as you went to make some coffee.

“So Ms.Kim..”

“Did you kill someone?”. Your head snapped in the taller girls direction.

“What no! I just have a question”. Minji tilted her head as you finally dipped your coffee.

“So..”

“Y/n!”. You were engulfed in a hug and with the hug your mug hit the counter.

“Oh shit.. fuck I’m so sorry”. Yeji scrambled to clean the table as you tried to reassure her everything was fine.

“Do you have a reason to be here”. As you finally looked up from Yeji you were shocked. So swiftly Minji’s face was stone cold and she balled her hands into fists.

“Oh uh.. I just wanted to make sure your ok”. Yeji through the cup in the trash and then waited for your response.

“I am but.. can I uh talk to you alone..?”. You motioned for Minji to leave and you swear you saw her pout as she left.

“You and Jin are going on a date at the whole carnival thing right..?”. Yeji nodded and smirked as you went on. You left the room surpressing as you went to your cubicle.

“What was that about”. Minji slid her chair a little out of her cubicle as you turned on your computer.

“Oh.. I just asked her for a favor with some of my work.. since she owed me for something!”. Minji cracked a smile as you went on about your work. Unknowingly to you Minji bit her lip as you went on. Her eyes darting from your lips to your eyes multiple times.

“Everyone in my office NOW!”. You jumped up at your bosses voice and Minji laughed.

“I saw you jump too! Shhh!”. Minji followed behind you and the meeting flew by fast. You later went back to your work. Email Email Email.. and someone how it was already dark.

“Shit!”

“What”. Minji didn’t take her eyes off her computer as you packed up your stuff.

“I was gonna ask you to go to the cardinal down the block shit shit shit!”. Minji suddenly stopped typing. You turned of your computer and put your bag over your shoulder.

“Yes”

“What?”

“I’ll go with you to the carnival..!”

“I said that out loud..?”. Minji giggled again as you got all in your head. Just give me five minutes and I’ll meet you outside. You suppressed your smile and left the office, but as soon as you were out of sight you smiled so hard it hurt.

Just as you got outside your phone dinged. You smiled thinking it was Minji. Then your face dropped.

unknown number : did you do it yet

you : wonyoung?

unknown number : tf would it be?

you : idk some creepy person trying to kidnap me?

unknown number : answer the question?!

you : not yet she’s coming bye!

unknown number : This is your last chance! YOU BEYTER KISS HER DUDE!

“Ok let’s go!”. You nodded as you both started to walk with Minji. Just as you were about to open your mouth you tripped. Minji gasped as you fell on your knees.

“Fuck!”. You slowly tried to get up as Minji laughed.

“Are.. are you ok?”. You rolled your eyes as Minji helped you to a nearby bench. As she kneeled infront you stared at the sky.

“Your lucky I always carry band aids”

“You expect people to get hurt?”. Minji laughed and then looked up at you.

“Not people”. She poked your chest and then took a small pouch out of her work bag.

“You”. You winced as Minji cleaned the scratches on your legs.

“What are you an on the go nurse?!”. Minji giggle as she put on two band aids on your knees. She got up and sat next to you.

“Give me your hands”

“Put them it’s gonna hu- FUCK KIM MINJI!”. Minji cleaned the scratches on your hands and put a bandage on each hand.

“See easy”. You bit your cheek.

“Are you still mad at me.. I understand but now it’s over cheer up..”. Minji poked your cheek and then got up.

“I’ll get you anything you want at the carnival”. Your smirked as you grabbed the girls arm.

“Anything..?”

“I mean.. like under twenty bucks you know we’re I work!”. You burst out laughing as Minji continued to rant about the office. Sooner then later you entered the carnival. But as you tried to put your plan to attached you failed miserably.

If Yeji was playing a game with Ryujin, Minji got hungry. If Yeji went to get a snack, Minji wanted to play a game. So cotton candy in hand you sighed as Minji came back from the bathroom. She took a bite of some of your cotton candy and smiled.

“Hay I spent thirteen dollars on this!”

“The lady over there is selling it for three”. Your eyes went wide as Minji ate the rest of your cotton candy. After she finnished eating you felt her grab your hand. Off to another game you thought before you were in the line for the Ferris wheel. In shock you nodded to whatever Minji was going on about.

While you and Minji were close.. you also really weren’t. So she didn’t know of your terrible fear of heights. But to late you were already on the wheel and slowly going up. Minji started to notice something was wrong when your grip on your hand for tighter. Your leg was bouncing up and down and you were bitting your lip. Just like you did anytime the boss assigned more work to you and you desperately wanted to say no.

“Are you afraid of heights?”

“What no..?”. Mini let go of your hand and put it around you waist pulling you closer to her. She put her other hand on your leg, which stopped moving.

“You know you can actually see the stars up.. in this thing..”. You followed Minji’s eyes out the window and smiled. Until your head titled down. You felt a hand tip you head up.

“We’re almost going down it’s ok..”. Minji rubbed your thigh as you stared blankly at her. Your plan had gone to shit, you only had a few more hours till you lost your chance. So fuck it. You grabbed Minji by the jaw and kissed her.

“Ow fuck!”. Minji touched her lip as the apologies from you started to spill out.

“No no your fine”

“But your lip.. fuck is bleeding”. Minji giggled as your scrambled in your bag for tissue. Once you found it you dabbed at her lip. When you finished and slowly let your hand fall to your lap, Minji kissed you. One hand on your thigh while the other caressed your check. As Minji tilted her head you slowly leaned in. Putting one of your hands on her waist as she pushed you against the passenger car. As Minji got closer and closer the wheel stopped, and she did too.

“The stars are really pretty..”. Your eyes darted from the stars to Minji’s face. She burst out laughing and as she did her head hit the back of the passenger car. Then you both started to laugh.

“You I had a plan”. Minji smiled as you went on about your plan with Yeji and she covered her mouth.

“Yeji has a girlfriend?”

“Ya of three years”

“Well shit..”. You giggled as Minji put her head on her knees and put her arms around them too.

“So you like..like me?”

“I thought the lip biting made that obvious..?”. You smiled as Minji rolled her eyes.

“I thought to constant doing work that wasn’t ever mine showed that I liked you”. You sighed.

“I’m just a little dense”

“A little?”. You threw your bag at the girl as she laughed. You got closer to her and smiled.

“So do you wanna..?”

“Go on a date..?”

“Be my girlfriend”. Minji’s cheeks went red.

“I mean I guess.. you did leave me with a busted li-“. You pecked her lips as she laughed. Then you heard a knock.

“Hope you had a swell time.. come again..”. The teenage boy barely blinked as you both jumped and got your stuff. As you walked out of the carnival you both laughed.

“By this time Yeji, Ryujin and us would go on a double date..”

“So you really planned this out”. You gently nudged Minji as a cat pulled up.

“No Yeji just want to revel in the fact you would finally not hate her..”. Yeji rolled down her window and waved you to the car. As Minji got in you pulled out your phone. ‘Look right :)’. As you did. Pink park uniform Wonyoung winked and closed the gates to the park. Oh thank cupid.

[hag-o-hags]

There's a trainer in my area who's apparently considered a ~wonderworker~ with Problem Dogs. My friend took her boy to this lady's program and came back with

Detailed instructions for using the shock collar

Spray bottle

Wand of Rolled Up Newspaper

Bigger issue with defensiveness over the dog's behavior, reactivity, and needs than before

NOW, this poor boy won the Behavioural Issues Lottery

(weened at 4 weeks)

(because his dam was too young and trying to kill her litter)

(herding dog mix)

(first 13ish months living mostly in an apartment)

(mom works in the hospitality industry so schedule and stability for dog is NOT GREAT!)

(several issues with VERY BAD pet sitters) (all relatives of mom or other mom) (moms were furious and none of those people are allowed to be alone with EITHER dog)

so like. I'm not at all gonna pretend like this kiddo doesn't have some pretty bad issues. I've been on the receiving end of his warnings a couple times, but he was warning me -- very clear visual snarl that he didn't want me near the barrier that he was behind (kennel once, pet gate once). I backed off and we were immediately cool. I got some sniffs when we were back on the same side of the gate.

And that's my thing with this boy. He's got Needs. Me too man, I'm right there with you.

I'm pet sitting right now, and in all honesty, all we're doing is hanging out. Nobody's getting redirected beyond "don't jump on me, and quit mouthing my sleeve". We had one incident of Misdemeanor Countersurfing and Resource Guarding with Intent. And I know -- I know -- how scary and intimidating it is to be on the receiving end of a reactive dog's warning! Second Mom is very scared of trying to take food from him and they have a whole protocol that uses the Wondertrainer's techniques.

But all he needed to give up the forbidden food was a normal ass dog biscuit. Swapsies, nabbed the remains, reactivity back to zero.

This dog, not least because of Our Lady of Aversion Training, is treated like a live grenade and the moment something SLIGHTLY bad happens, oh god no, klaxons, strobing lights, women and children to the lifeboats first.

He's not, though, he's just a boy who has had ALL his boundaries and communication ignored, and people are stressed out AT him. All the time. I'm sitting outside writing this, and the dogs run up, get up in my business hoping that this is a Sharing Doughnut I've got here (NOPE!!!!!) We started this weekend with him kinda sorta being okay with some ear scritches after he gave my hand a good sniff. This morning he wasn't fully sure about me initiating head pets, but he communicates that super clearly if you know what you're looking at. I'd offer, he'd get tense, I'd back off, and WHAT DO YOU FUCKIN KNOW. Now he running up and shoving his head into my elbow for pets.

BECAUSE IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL WHEN HE TOLD ME NO. Nothing he can do can make me freak out, so HE'S not gonna freak out.

Super bonus, I've been working on muzzle desensitizing with him as well, because right now the method is Mom And Only Mom Traps Him And Tough Tits If You Miss The First Time, Call The Vet to Say We'll Be Really Really Late. Which. Mmrg. Muzzle was a requirement to attend the Wonderclasses, which I get, it's a basket muzzle, we want everyone to stay safe. I guess the instructions were "Bring the dog muzzled and shock collared and be prepared to zap him if he gets aggressive or out of line." (FUCKIN. WHAT ARE PEOPLE PAYING THIS LADY FOR. JESUS FUCKING. SHRIEK.) (I mean where even is the fucking spray bottle in this hierarchy? FUCK.)

Anyway, boyo does not care if I walk around with the muzzle, will HAPPILY eat peanut butter off a plate with the muzzle ... this is a very, very teachable dog. He's not a live grenade, he's like. At WORST a firework. If you're a moron and you fuck around, sure. Finding out may involve losing your arm. But MAYBE you shouldn't have been fucking around that hard and engaged your giant primate brain for 12 seconds. Don't try to douse a fire with gasoline maybe?

[bunie-grrss]

hello hello!! can i request platonic scenarios/drabbles or just hcs of just. cookie of darkness reader?? like. shenanigans in the weird group of cookies. i've been having so much brainrot of it. gender-neutral. thank you very much!!

Sure sure!

I'm guessing it's a kingdom request? Or both oven and kingdom, tho there's a few mentions of ovenbreak dark cookies here and there, just a heads up.

_____________________________

Dark enchantress cookie

•literally will be your mother for awhile, even though she's cold and about harsh, she was able to take care of you (if your a child cookie) but also will teach you dark magic occasionally!

•she sees you as compatible assisstance

•dont ever annoyed her, you will probably be strike by zip zap zapy zip zip

•licorice almost got zip zappy zip by lightning- holy millennial tree-

Red Velvet

•if you like dogs? Good, he will take you to the cake hounds to play with them

•not exactly a talkitive type, but will kick-a-punch to anyone talking bad about his hounds(especially chiffon my beloved💞)

•Earl grey once got bitten by the hounds after accidently say something bad about red velvet

•he will mostly be quiet, but also can be a good listener to you

Dark Choco

•dark Choco... You won't see him often in the headquarters , he mostly don't want to be around people most of the time, so don't be sad when he not there

•he will listen to you, if you eve read something in your mind, though occasional pets on the head

•his Cape is best hiding spot, you escaped pomegranate and macha cookie after accidently angering them

•a big scary guy, but have a heart like a kittens

Licorice

•be ready for some soft insults and anger, because man- this guy is out of the world when angry- of course he won't be like destructive crazy, but slot of words if you know what I mean

•you see him regularly arguing with pomegranate cookie, you tried to break their arguements a few times but it mostly won't work well...

•if you see him in his room writing in anger, don't bother him- you will only get yelled at- legit no joke! You sometimes ask why, but he usually say 'none of your business' or 'why you ask?! It's nothing for you to know!!'

•batcat and schalwaltzer will ask you occasionally to hide from him sometimes, I mean- he can be harsh and a little brat sometimes-

Poison Mushroom

•litterally a champ, will never betrayed you no matter what, and will help you in any situation

•will offer you alot of shroomies I mean like alot, probably will make your closet full of them

• This guy is just so squishy and small, please pet him- his so soft and squishy-

•probably admires pome, don't know how but, seems like pomegranate took the wrisk of eating the shroomie, well speaking of pomegranate..

Pomegranate

•hear me out, she probably won't despise you, but can took respect if you catch her interest

•she can see your worth and ability to help the darkness, of course why wouldn't dark enchantress took you in?

•shell probably busy with doing tasks for dark enchantress, of course she's her most trusted assisstance

•if you ever see her wandering around the headcourters, it's either finish arguing with licorice,done scolding licorice, or trying to get her anger out of a failed mission.

----------------------¶|

I didn't put much research into them much since I'm rushing stuff on this blog- sorri- if this isn't beyond your expectations I tried my best- this is probably the longest hcs I ever done-

-Yakou

[greypetrel]

Extra cheesy with a side of doggo.

Bisexual idiots gifts each other matchy clothes because they’re THAT cheesy. Sera pukes in the background.

So, I’m head to heels into a moving, my stupid country had elections last Sunday and the results were horrible. So the idiots were summoned for doodles. Something random I wrote waiting for my turn at IKEA to follow, post Trespasser.

As the Inquisition got disbandled, the traces of Inquisitor Lavellan got scarcer and duller. She headed to Ferelden and that was the last thing that circulated widely about her: that she established somewhere in the countryside, married a dog lord and disappeared from the public scene almost as abruptly as she had barged in three years prior.

Soon, the Orlesian court forgot about her.

Coming closer to Ferelden, tho, the voices kept on: some months after the Exalted Council, voices started to run of a safe haven in South Reach, that helped Templars who wanted to quit or were kicked out of the Order quit the lyrium. For some, it was run by a former Templar who had made it, and a Dalish healer who lost an arm for a thousand and one reasons (one traveller said she lost it fighting a high dragon. Another said it was in the Blight. A child was sure it was because she didn’t eat all her veggies). For people who knew better, those were none others that the Inquisitor and her Commander.

The Dalish never saw Aisling again, save for having her hospitality and support whenever they passed her way. Her home was widely known among clans travelling between the Amaranthine Ocean and the Brecilian forest as a safe space to stop and rest and restock supplies. But the voices between the Dalish held something darker. They said Lavellan was touched by the Dread Wolf itself, and that was why she never made it back to her clan or any other. Fen’Harel had her scent, and elves who confronted her about it reported that she just smiled and shrugged at it, and just replied that she also married a Shem and her best friend was a Tevinter Magister, so maybe it was that that was enough to spread such voices around. She always seemed sad about it, tho, and some mistook that sadness for discontent about where her life had brought her, ignoring the bubbly and cheerful exterior.

Once, a group of Dalish hunters found her in the stables, at night, and tried to drag her back with them to their clan. Their clan wouldn’t have mind, they said, their Second had recently died in a bear attack, and she didn’t have to be alone and sad. She got very offended and angry at it, evoked lightning enough to zap their butt and attract the attention of the other elf living in the farm -a tall, weird city elf who shot arrows at them with breath-taking precision- and the next day she really came to the camp, but just to have a long and heated talk with the Keeper. She explained what the hunters had done and how preposterous it had been, that she was plenty happy where she was and that she has CHOSEN to be there, thank you very much, if you lots don’t accept it you can go your merry way and leave the field to my horses. The Keeper all but apologised to her and scolded the hunters with a serious face. The hunters did went back to apologise, and Lavellan all but had them go talk and say they were sorry to her husband, citing him as the hurt part. They did. It never happened again.

And so they lived, the clinic gained quite some fame as a safe haven for all, offering rest and a hot meal granted to everyone that needed it and was respectful of the mixed band of owners – a human, two elves and a dwarf. Even if, in time, the owners started to travel, leaving the patients to the cheerful upsider dwarf who had a smithy in the old barn -they built a new stable for horses- and to the Commander's siblings. Where they went was never clear, if questioned, they just exchanged a knowing look, smiled secretively and just said they have been helping some Friends. It always sounded like it had a capital F, but no one knew better.

What was sure, beside sudden and unexpected visits from distinguished guests -was that Divine Victoria?-, was that they were happy and not foreign to cheesy shows of love and affection that could have been more secret. One year, for example, they both came out with the idea of gifting clothings that matched to the other. The Commander had a cape tailored, in the ring velvet his wife seemed to favour, the neck lined with fur as his own, and she didn't take it off for the whole day, proudly parading it around while brewing medicines and potions and forcing a particularly grumpy old Templar who treated her poorly because she was a mage to just suck it and drink this, you're just envious I have a pretty fluffy cape, I get it, if you drink this and behave and get better maybe we’ll commission one for you as well.

She, on the other hand, had custom shirts made, with matching embroideries on the top. She told a friend in Kirkwall helped her find the place that made them, and that her gift was to be worn in their upcoming visit to Val Royeaux, as always helping one of their Friends. One of the scullery maids they hired for help saw the shirts, and she swore to all the curious that they said "Fuck Orlais", and that the Commander -a Fereldan through and through- was all but elated when he saw them. And Orlais, after years of silence on the Inquisitor, had something to say about her anew, talking of how happy she looked whilst strolling down the market parading offensive clothing with her husband on her side, husband who has clearly ruined her and made her a Dog Lady. Whilst they caught attention, no one noticed a Red Jenny slipping into the house of a particularly nasty noble.

The Dread Wolf never came.

[avengerscompound]

Running to a Standstill - 1

Running to a Standstill: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count:  2188

Rating:  E

Square filled: @star-spangled-bingo​ - Widow’s Bite

Warnings: none for this chapter, there will be smut and canon typical violence, etc for the series

Synopsis: While on the run from an unknown organization trying to take your son, you meet two super-soldiers.  While they try to help you get to the bottom of who is hunting you and your son, feelings come out and admissions are made that make your personal life even more tricky.

Chapter 1

Bucky sat cross-legged on the floor of Clint’s apartment fiddling with Natasha’s widow bites.  They'd malfunctioned while they were out chasing down some creeps trying to hold up a bank using stolen alien tech and now parts of them were spread out on the stained Ikea coffee table along with his machine gun, Clint’s bow, a handful of arrows, and some throwing knives.  Bucky had already been zapped three times, and at this point, he was determined to fix these things just to spite them.

“Fuck,” he cursed as he was zapped once again.  He shook his hand and sucked on his finger.

“Just leave them, James,” Natasha said, as she passed through the room on her way to the fridge. “Stark can fix them.”

“This is way below Stark’s pay grade.  I can do it,” Bucky argued, and like the miniature tasers were trying to spite him right back he got zapped again.  “Fuck!  You little…”

There was a rapping on Clint’s door followed by a snuffling sound and scratching.

“I’m comin’, I’m comin’,” Clint complained, tripping over Steve’s shield and then his own quiver as he made his way to the door.

He pulled the door open to reveal Clint’s one-eyed Labrador mix, a little boy who looked to be about three or four years old, and you.

“Hey, Clint,” you said, cheerily as the little boy chased the dog inside.  “Returning Lucky.  Thanks for letting me take him out.”

“You kidding?”  Clint replied as Steve quickly got to his feet and started picking up weapons and putting them up out of the reach of little hands.  “Did me a favor.  Thanks for taking him with you.”

“Of course, Geo loves him,” you replied.  “Geo, you say thank you to Mister Barton?”

“Dank,” the little boy who seemed to be named Geo said.  “Nad, Nad, Nad…”

Natasha smiled softly.  It was a rare thing to see and it made Bucky feel a little warm on the inside.  A feeling he was still getting used to experiencing.

“What is it, malysh?”  She asked.

Geo then babbled a series of words that seemed to include ‘balloon’, ‘doggy’, ‘fly’, and ‘cake’ but Bucky couldn’t quite follow what he was actually saying.

“Well that all sounds fantastic,” Natasha said, brushing the little boy's hair off his face.  “What a wonderful day you’ve had.”

He bounced on his toes and kissed her cheek before running off toward Bucky.

“Geo, honey,” you said in that patient voice that some parents couldn’t seem to be able to perfect.  “We need to go,” you said taking a step into the room.  “Sorry, Clint.”

“Mama, but dis,” Geo complained, coming over to Bucky and patting his arm.

“No, honey, they’re doing work,” you said, as Geo caressed the metal plates on Bucky’s prosthetic arm.

“Whad dis?”  Geo said, looking up at Bucky.

“Oh my god,” you said, sounding mortified as Clint stifled a laugh.  “I’m so sorry, Sergeant… Barnes?”  You said his name like a question, confirming his identity.

Bucky shook his head.  “It’s fine,” he said to you and turned his attention back to Geo.  “That’s my arm.”

“Is a robod arm?”  Geo asked.

“Yeah, it’s a robot arm,” Bucky answered.

Clint laughed and closed the door behind you.  “You might as well get comfortable.  This is gonna be a while.”

“You’re sure?”  You asked, “You look busy.”

“Nah, Bucky’s just trying to fix something he can’t fix,” Clint said.  “You want a drink?”

“A beer would be amazing,” you said and took a seat on the couch.

“You fix fing?”  Geo asked.

“Yeah, that’s right.  I’m fixing these?”  Bucky said, showing the little boy the Widow Bites.  Steve gave Bucky a look that was slightly disapproving but he didn’t actually say anything.  Bucky wasn’t sure he was good with kids.  He always felt a little awkward, like he was going to say or do the wrong thing.  He did like kids though.  They didn’t know what he was and they were true to their emotions.  If they didn’t like you, you knew right away.  Maybe showing the Widow Bites to a toddler was a terrible thing to do, but he seemed interested and you didn’t say anything, so Bucky figured he can’t have done anything too bad.

Clint handed you a beer and introduced you to everyone as Geo looked at all the pieces of the Widow Bites carefully like he really understood what was going on with them.  “They rent the place two floors below this one,” Clint explained.

“Geo loves Lucky, so Clint lets us take him to the park when we go and he doubles as my guard dog,” you added.

“So what is it you do?”  Steve asked.

“Oh, this and that,” you said, cryptically.  “I sometimes do shifts at a coffee place down the street.  I babysit.  I do some temp work here and there.”

“That must be difficult,” Steve said.

“I make do,” you said.  “Geo’s dad died and I do what I have to to get by.”

Steve frowned.  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

You shrugged.  “Thank you, I’m sure you understand loss.  Given… everything.”

“Dis go dare,” Geo said, pointing at one of the wires and moving his finger to a circuit board.

“Yeah?  I dunno, buddy,” Bucky said, not sure how to tell a toddler that he could just randomly solder pieces of a weapon together.

“Goes dare,” he insisted, climbing into Bucky’s lap.

“You might as well just do it,” Natasha teased as she lounged back on the recliner.  “It’s not like he’ll make it worse.”

“Alright,” Bucky said.  “You keep your hands back okay?”

“Otay,” Geo said, putting one hand on each of Bucky’s arms.  Bucky carefully soldered the wire into place and powered the tasers on.  They started up fine and when he gave the to Natasha and she tested them out they seemed to work fine.  Bucky looked from you to Geo and back at Natasha with the tasers.

“Did … did you just fix them, pal?”  He asked.

“Uhh… he… kinda has a knack for things like that,” you said, putting your drink down.  “Hey, Geo, maybe we should go.”

The way you reacted reminded Bucky of a prey animal who’d realized they’d just gotten themselves cornered. Your eyes flicked to the exits and back to your son.  “Hey,” Steve said, gently.  That commanding but soothing tone coming to him instinctively.  “You’re alright.  You’re safe here with us.”

“Yeah, hon,” Clint agreed.  “If you can’t trust Captain America, who can you trust?”

You seemed to relax back in the chair and Geo climbed off Bucky’s lap and toddled over to where Lucky was lying and lay down against him.  Steve looked at the little boy and then at you.  “If you need to talk to anyone… or you need any help.”

You shook your head.  “It’s… fine.  I’ve been dealing with it.”

“Dealing with what exactly?”  Steve asked.

“You ever read the book ‘Firestarter’?  Or see the movie?  The movie had Drew Barrymore in it?”  When Steve’s blank look never changed.  “No, of course not.  Why would you?  Anyway, it’s like that.  And … well, less attention the better.  So thank you, but I’m fine.”

Steve looked you over and gave a nod.  “If you ever change your mind…”

“I know where you are.  And I appreciate the offer,” you stood up and threw your beer bottle into Clint and Natasha’s recycling bin.  “I better take him back home.  He’s gonna pass out.”

Bucky looked back over at Geo who now had his eyes closed and was curled into Lucky’s side.  You picked up the little boy and he snuggled into your neck and opened and closed his hands on your back.  “Thanks again, Clint.”

“Yeah, no worries,” Clint said getting up and opening the door for you.  “He likes going out with you.”

“I’ll see you,” you said and hurried out of the room.

“Way to go,” Natasha teased.  “You scared away our only normal friend.”

“What did she mean by the Firestarter thing?”  Bucky asked.

“See, that’s new,” Clint said, flopping down on the couch. “I just knew she was a widow.  Firestarter is a story about this couple that goes through a bunch of medical testing at college and then they have a kid who can light fires with her mind.  And the people who did the testing on them start chasing them around the country to get the kid.”

Steve stiffened up and pulled out his phone. “You didn’t know she was on the run?”

Clint shook his head.  “Just a widow with a kid.  I have heaps of single mom tenants.”

“Clint likes to offer them cheap rent and then they’re so grateful they sleep with him,” Natasha explained.

“Hey now!”  Clint spluttered.  “Don’t make me sound like an asshole.  I offer them cheap rent ‘cause they are usually getting back on their feet.  Plus they’re often divorcees and they feel safer in the building two Avengers live in.  Can’t help it if some of them start hanging around and making me food and then one thing leads to another.”

“Maybe I should do some checking up on that,” Steve said.  “If she’s in trouble, we can’t just ignore it.”

“She obviously doesn’t want to be noticed, maybe you should just leave it alone,” Natasha said.

“We’re authority figures.  I can understand why she might not trust that we can help,” Steve said.  “But you and I both know we can.”

“Fine!” Natasha said, holding up her hands in defeat.  “Do what you like.”

“Did you really sleep with her?”  Bucky asked, getting up off the floor and moving to the recliner as Steve tapped around on his phone.

“Her?  No.  Just something that’s happened a few times with other tenants.  Nothing planned,” Clint explained.  “She’s cute though, right.”

Clint wasn’t wrong.  Bucky did think you were attractive.  You seemed nice too, the fact you trusted Geo with him meant a lot to him and the way you didn’t make a huge deal about Steve.  A lot of women always made a huge deal of Steve.  Not that Bucky could blame them for that too.  He’d been harboring a crush on Steve that stretched way back before most women even looked twice at Steve.

“You’re really okay with that, Tasha?”  Bucky asked.  Natasha and Clint didn’t exactly have a conventional relationship.  It wasn’t really one he was used to seeing but they seemed happy.  He kept expecting jealousy to rear up but they just spoke about how they each slept with other people like it was no big deal at all.

“Yeah, of course,” Natasha said.  “Gotta let go of the idea monogamy is the only possible happily ever after, James.  Some people find happiness alone and in themselves, some find it in the beds of strangers, some with one loving partner.  And some with multiple.”

“And some people like to shack up with their best friend and get up to all kinds of shenanigans,” Clint added, moving from the couch to the recliner with Natasha and curling up with her.

“Find what it is that makes you happy,” Natasha concluded.  “Besides sleeping with one person for the rest of my life-” She mimed yawning and Clint laughed and snuggled into her more.

“If only…” Bucky muttered as he looked at Steve.

Steve looked up from his phone puzzled and raised an eyebrow at him.  “What's that, Bucky?”

“Nothing, go back to being a snoop,” Bucky grumbled, once again ignoring the clear opportunity to come clean about his feelings.

“You want us to set you up with her, Buck?”  Clint asked.  “She's really fun. She and Geo come up a bunch.  We eat pizza and play videogames or take the dog out.  She's artistic too and snarky.  And Nat even likes her.”

“It's true, I do,” Natasha said.  “She brings us coffee and croissants from the place she works.”

“Then what would she want with me then?” Bucky asked, almost folding in on himself.  Clint gave him a look that both said he understood and that he pitied him and Natasha scowled at him.

“James,” she said.

Bucky knew he had to deflect quickly or he'd get a lecture about being worthy of love, and he was really not in the mood for that.  He quickly waved a hand in Steve’s direction.  “Set her up with Steve.  He's the one worried about her past and she treated him like a normal person.”

“Oh that's a good point,” Clint said, nudging Natasha.

Natasha picked up a cushion and threw it at Steve.  He caught it on reflex and looked up at him. “How about we organize dinner for you and her?” Natasha suggested.  “Then you can try and get her backstory in person in a less aggressive fashion.”

“That's a good idea,” Steve said, completely oblivious that he was being set up on a date.  “Set it up.”

Natasha smirked at Bucky and winked.  Bucky smiled back and hoped that it hid the little flare of jealousy he just felt raise it’s head.

// NEXT

[hopelikethemoon]

Ghosts (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Ghosts Rating: PG-13 Length: 2000 Warnings: Potential triggers if you have toxic family members and/or family members or loved ones with addiction. Also very mild allusions to anxiety.  Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set October 31st 1998. Summary: Halloween festivites are interrupted by a ghost. 

@grapemama @seawhisperer @huliabitch @pedropascalito @rogrsnbarnes @thewallpapergoesorido @twomoonstwosuns @gooddaykate @livasaurasrex @ham4arrow @plexflexico @readsalot73 @hdlynn @lokiaddicted @randomness501 @fioccodineveautunnale  @roxypeanut @snivellusim @lukesrighthand @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @exrebelshocktrooper​ @awesomefandomsunited @ah-callie​ @swhiskeys​ @lady-tano​ @beskar-droids​ @space-floozy​ @cable-kenobi​ @cool-ultra-nerd @himbopoes​ @findhimfives​ @pedrosdoll​ @frietiemeloen​ @arrowswithwifi​ @random066 @uncomicalhumour​ @heather-lynn @domino-oh-damn​ @cyarikaaa​ @ahopelessromanticwritersworld​ @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl​  @yabby-girl​ @xqueenofthecraziesx​ @punkass-potato​ @coredrive​ @pascalesque​ @theduchessofkirkcaldy​ @queenquazar @sabinemorans​ @buckstaposition​ @holkaskrosnou​ @yespolkadotkitty​ @fleetwoodmactshirt​ @seeking-a-great–perhaps

“Well, aren’t you the cutest little pumpkin I have ever seen.” You said with the put-on voice that always managed to make Sofía giggle. She clapped her hands together as she rocked back against Javier’s chest. She reached up and tried to pull off the headband that was made to look like the stem and leaves of a pumpkin. 

“You’ve gotta keep that on, sweetheart.” He told her, batting her hand away from the headband. “You still dressing up, baby?” Javier questioned, giving you a pointed look. 

You looked down, gesturing to your sweatpants with a grin, “What? You don’t know what Morticia wore when she was at home?” You leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. “It should take me ten minutes tops.”  

“Mommy!” Josie cried out as she ran down the hallway. “I can’t find my candy basket! I looked everywhere!”

“It’s on the kitchen counter.” You told her, before looking back at Javier. “I don’t know how I feel about your slicked back hair.”

Javier arched a brow, “It was your idea.”

“I know.” You laughed, shaking your head. “Josie-Jo, can you sit with your father while I get ready?”

Josie ran past you with Stevie hot on her heels. You watched, in mild horror, as she climbed over the back of the sofa to get to Javier. 

“This isn’t a jungle gym.” Javier reminded her, before you even had a chance. 

Stevie started barking, ignoring her pursuit as she ran towards the front door a split second before someone rang the bell. 

“I’ll get it.” You told Javier as he corralled the children. “It’s a little bit early for trick-or-treaters.” You commented as you grabbed the dish of candy off the table in the kitchen and headed for the front door.

“Stevie. Hush.” You snapped your fingers, scolding the dog with a look. She took two steps back and sat down obediently. “That’s a good girl.” You gave her a head pat, before turning to the front door.

“Happy Hallo—“ Your enthusiasm was cut short as you pulled the door open. It wasn’t a gaggle of costumed children waiting beyond the door. But it was certainly frightening. 

A different kind of ghost. 

“What are you doing here?” You questioned, stepping out onto the front stoop and pulling the door shut behind you. 

How long had it been? Twenty years? And over the course of those twenty years you hadn’t once regretted leaving her in the past.

“It’s so good to see you, sweetie.” She clasped her hands together as she rocked on her heels. “I’ve missed you.”

“Let me ask again. What are you doing here?” You kept the bowl of candy in between the two of you, like it was a shield that would keep her from getting any closer. 

“I came to see you.” She edged closer, “I’m clean, sweetheart. You don’t have to worry about me anymore, I—“

“I didn’t.” You cut her off. “The only time you ever cross my mind is when I wonder how I managed to get through that part of my life.”

“I know.” She shook her head, before offering you a rather disarming smile. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve done so much. Who would’ve thought that my baby girl would amount to so much.”

“You have to leave.” You said without emotion, despite the storm of emotions you felt in the pit of your stomach. Even your chest felt tight as a wave of anxiety, one that had only ever been reserved for your mother, washed through you. 

She held up a hand, “I want to meet my grandbabies.”

“No.” You clenched her teeth together, “They don’t need to be brought into this same toxic cycle I was caught in. No.”

The front door cracked open and you turned to see Javier standing there, “Baby, you good?”

You bit down on your bottom lip, giving the faintest shake of your head as you caught his gaze. You tried to convey everything without words and he got it. 

“They’ve got the girls,” He assured you softly as he stepped out onto the stoop, pulling the door closed behind you. Javier took the bowl of candy from you, sitting it aside on the small bench that sat on the stoop. 

“Thank you.” You whispered, the chill that had settled into your veins quickly chased away by his warmth as he settled a hand on the small of your back. 

“Can I help you?” Javier questioned, fixing your mother with a look, his other hand resting at his hip as he stared her down. 

“Sweetheart, aren’t you going to introduce us?”

You swallowed thickly, a humorless laugh escaping you. “Javier, this is my mother.”

“Shit.” 

“It’s so nice to meet you,” She remarked as she extended a hand. Javier didn’t offer his, but your mother didn’t let that deter her. “I’m sure you’ve gotten an earful about me. I’m better. I promise.”

“Married again, I see.” You gritted out, catching the glint of the ring on her finger. 

“We met in rehab.” She explained, “He’s got a daughter about your age.” 

“Congrats.” You offered, leaning into Javier as he ran his hand over the small of your back. “I’m glad you’re alive I guess, but… we have plans.”

“I don’t mean to be a burden, sweetheart. It’s just… after I saw that article, I was just so proud of you. Look at you — you’re a mother.”

You scoffed, “That’s definitely the thing to be proud of.” You tilted your head to look at Javier. “I can’t do this. Please make her leave.”

Javier gave a short, “Whatever you need, baby.” He released his hold as you turned away, “I’ll be in, in a minute.”

You offered your mother a tight lipped smile. “Have a safe trip back to wherever. I hope you’re really clean this time, Becky.” 

What a fucking nightmare. 

Stevie barked as you stepped back inside, “Shh. It’s just me.” You said as you knelt down and gave her a scratch behind the ear. 

She kept close to you like she was your shadow as you headed back into the bedroom to get ready. Not that you felt particularly celebratory now. Somehow, after all those years — she could still manage to zap the life out of you. 

“It’s Monica.” She offered as she knocked at your bedroom door.

“It’s unlocked,” You told her, running a brush over your hair. 

“Hey,” Monica started. “Who’s the woman Javier’s talking to?”

You rolled your eyes, “The wicked witch of the west.” You gestured to the wig laying on the bed. “Do you still get Morticia vibes without it?”

“You look gorgeous,” Monica assured you, though her brows drew together with concern. “I’ve only ever heard you refer to one woman as a witch.”

“Yeah.” You folded your arms across your chest. “There’s a lot to unpack there and I just want the girls to have a good night.”

Monica sat down on the foot of your bed, smoothing her hand over the blue gingham skirt of her Dorothy costume. “Why is she here?”

“Regret? A bid for sympathy? She ran out of people to use?” You questioned bitterly. “Fuck, I hate this. It’s all because of that stupid article.” 

You sank down in the small chair in the corner,  and Stevie laid down directly at your feet. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You made a face, “Yes. No.” You looked away, biting down on your bottom lip hard enough to taste blood alongside the taste of lipstick. “It’s been twenty years. I left and I never looked back, Monica. I had plans for my life and none of them would’ve happened if I stayed caught in her web.”

“I know the feeling.” Monica offered you a sympathetic smile, “Remember what you told me and Connie. It’s okay to cut out of toxic people.”

“Apparently she’s clean.” You blurted out, still actively processing everything that she’d said in that short window of time. “But I know how it goes. She married someone from rehab. I think the last one was too… twenty years ago.”

She arched a brow at you, “Is she why you’re so weird about marriage?”

“Yeah.” You rolled your eyes. Your mother would show up mere months after you figured out how to overcome that hang up. “My childhood was shit. The men she brought into my life were monsters. I don’t want that around my girls.”

Javier walked in then and his expression was heavy when he met your gaze, “I had to compromise to get her to leave, baby.”

You pushed your fingers through your hair, looking towards the window then. “What?”

“She’s gonna come back tomorrow. I’ll take the girls the Murphys—“

“You’re not leaving me alone.”

“— and come back.” Javier frowned at you. “Baby, we don’t have to go to this. There will be other Halloween parties at the school.”

“No.” You shook your head. “Josie only gets one kindergarten Halloween party. You stood up then, glancing at your reflection in the mirror. “This is good enough. Let’s just go.”

Javier looked towards Monica then, before looking back at you. “Are you sure you’re okay, baby?”

You pressed your thumb against the spot between your brows and sighed heavily. Taking account of how you actually felt. You could feel your pulse in your ears, a distinct twinge of pain in your ribs. “No. No, I’m not sure I’m okay.”

You sank back down in the chair, resting your head in your hands. “Monica, do you and Nadia mind taking them on to the school? Her class is supposed to be getting together for pictures beforehand.”

“Yeah, of course. Whatever you need.” Monica walked over and gave your shoulder a squeeze. “Nadia’s got so many Polaroid refills. We’ll take a bunch.”

“Thank you.” Javier offered as she headed out of the bedroom. 

You were both quiet for a long time before he moved to kneel down beside you, taking your hand into his. 

“Javi, don’t kneel like that. Your knees are going to kill you tomorrow.” You warned him, lifting your gaze but not quiet meeting his eyes. 

“Baby,” Javier started as he reached out and brushed his knuckles against your cheek. “We’ve gotta talk about this.”

You leaned into his touch, “I’ll meet with her tomorrow, if that’s all she wants.”

“I think it is.” Javier cupped your cheek, “Just say your piece and send her on her way. But I don’t want you to…” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he shook his head. “I don’t want you to regret this, baby.”

You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip, “I don’t want her anywhere near the girls. Their grandmother is dead.”

He nodded, “I know.”

“What did she say?”

Javier sighed heavily. “She had a whole bit about how she’s sober now and she’s just trying to make amends—“

“So she’s actually in NA again.” You shook your head, rubbing your hands together. “She’s been before. She gets sober, clings to someone new, and the cycle repeats.” 

“I know.” Javier rested his hand on your leg and gave it three short squeezes, “Look, I told her she could come over tomorrow. We can sit in the backyard and talk until you’re ready for her to leave.”

He reached for your hand, sliding his hand up to press two fingers against your pulse. 

“Javier.”

“How do you feel?”

“Like my blood pressure is through the roof.” You reported. “Trust me, I’m aware.”

He brought your hand to his lips, his breath hot against your skin. “I just want you to take care of yourself, baby. And let me take care of you.”

You smiled, “Thank you.”

“Querida Mia.” He drawled out, pressing kisses up your arm, just like Gomez did with Morticia.

You laughed, turning your hand to cup his cheek as you leaned in to kiss his lips. “I love you. I’m sorry you’ve gotten yourself dragged into this.”

“Don’t apologize, baby.” Javier’s brows furrowed together. “I’m in this together with you. Good, bad, or otherwise.”

“Those almost sound like vows,” You teased lightly, “Now stand up before you’re limping tomorrow.”

Javier snorted, chuckling as he pulled himself up off the floor. He dusted his knees off before offering you his hand, “Shall we?”

“Yes.” You stood, interlacing your fingers. “I don’t want to miss out on the festivities.” 

He squeezed your hand, “We won’t worry about tomorrow, until tomorrow. Alright?”

You agreed, “Tonight is about the girls.”

[bigscaryyanderewriter]

Safety First (Yandere!Bakugo X Reader)

1.5k words

PART TWO

It was the four walls of the cage that you had really gotten to know since you first awoke in this bright, cold room of concrete. It was when you grabbed at the collar around your neck that you could feel your sanity already begin to crumble. It wasn't a quirk cancelling band, but a dog collar. You couldn't read it or pull it off, no matter how you yanked at it. The quiet aside from the noise you made was maddening as you crawled around in the cage almost like an actual animal.

You were a hero and a damn good one, or so you liked to think. It was normal to make some enemies, but you weren't even heavily involved in crime work. Usually rescue was your field seeing as you had a quirk you called Thermolocation. You could sense the heat of bodies around and see in your head a sort of map of the area, it goes for a longer range when it is colder. It made saving people from avalanches and snowy environments easier. You would hang out with your friends and coworkers, getting warm drinks and singing karaoke… It was that memory and others of smiles from the people you saved that kept you going most days. Other times, you wouldn't see any red signatures at all in those mountains and the blue would be like a frozen ocean that made you lose so much hope. That was what you saw when you scanned the area. You were having a party with some good friends to celebrate you leaving for the U.S. to continue your hero work there. It was a small party, just fellow heroes. How the hell did you wind up here?

Wracking your brain, you tried to think of who had done this. Who had kidnapped you. Running through possibilities, you still kept pulling at the bars of your tiny, cramped cage.

Your world now consisted of time passing at a rate you couldn't even understand as you tried kicking and prying at the metal, only to stay stuck. Chills stayed as they ran up your body, no warmth and no food. Hell, you didn't even know what brought you here…

There was a small camera in the corner of the room, red light blinking in an almost taunting way as all you could do to keep from crying was shout your insults to whoever was watching. It took a full day to even get any answers, anything. You were lost and scared, energy zapped from the stress as your aching fingers had gotten cuts from the bars and you had bruised your shoulder bumping against it.

Finally, the door creaked open though, as you saw who it was. Katsuki.

"Oh, Bakugo, you're here! Y-you need to get me out of here and quick. I'm- How did you find me?"

You saw what he was holding in his hands, a tray of food and a water bottle. He sighed as he pulled the metal chair from the corner over and sat in front of the cage. Confused, your fingers curled through the holes of the cage as you looked at him pleading as you sat in the cramped box.

"Katsuki, please. Please, let me out of the cage. I- Why are you being so quiet-"

"You don't get it, do you? You really haven't figured this out." He sighed as he sat the food beside the chair and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he clasped his hands together. His red eyes were fixed on you as he scanned your body, making you increasingly uncomfortable. That gaze was so intense as you sat, understanding that Bakugo wasn't going to let you out of this cage anytime soon. It all came back. The drinks, stumbling to the alley to vomit as Ground Zero held your hair and guided you to the car to drive you home… You blacked out after that though.

Katsuki broke the new silence that he had cause with a little bit of hope,"I did this for us, you know? I want to start with that."

"D-did what? Locked me in a cage!? Why am I here? You, you realize how crazy that is. Right?"

"Well, you see. Love is a crazy thing and it would be nice if you would calm down. You just… You were going to leave, you were going to leave me and I couldn't live with that. It wasn't safe. You were going to just keep running into danger. I don't know how to make you understand it! This is for your own good. You should be happy it was me and not some creep who grabbed you, idiot." He crouched as he suddenly grabbed the bars of cage with his hands sparking, making you scramble backwards and quiver with fear. It didn't help as he didn't stop staring you down. "You're safe here and I can't stand to let you leave, not now and not ever. Do you understand? I just… I didn't want it to be this way either!"

You couldn't stop yourself as you barked right back, "You're crazy! I don't- This isn't how you get someone to like you. You're delusional."

He hit the cage and you jumped again as he got up, pacing around the room with his hands running through his hair. Katsuki looked down at your hurt fingers and at your shoulders. The dress you had woken up in. It was the dress you wore to your going away party.

"You hurt yourself in that cage..." He stated as he stared at the bruise forming on you and at the blood on your fingers. "I… I'll have to come up with a better plan. This was… I'm sorry for how this all seems, but I am trying here. The least you could do is try to make this work as well. We can be happy, I know it. I just love you so much and I need you to just know how much."

Clearly, he was crazy, but maybe you could do something. You could maybe talk him out of this, play along and trick him, "Bakugo, there is… It doesn't have to be this way. You can, uh, we can still be happy? Don't you want to have something normal, Bakugo? Just let me out and we can sit down to talk this out, I promise."

You had never seen a person shift so violently in your life as he shouted, "None of this is normal! You know that and I know that! Stop pretending to try and get my trust. You don't love me and you don't want to."  

"I-" You began before getting cut off by the explosive blond.

"Shut up, I'm talking. You were made for me and I was made for you. We're meant to be. You'll realize that soon enough. I'll show you." He grumbled a bit as he pushed the tray and water bottle forward. "I'm sure you're hungry. I'll be back to get your tray and help you clean up your fingers. The cage is only temporary, maybe after we can get you to the bathroom. If you cooperate, then we can make this as painless as possible."

"Katsuki, wait!-"

You were left in your cold room again as you stared at the still warm food and the water, tears of frustration rolling down your cheeks as you curl up in the corner. You shook your head quickly though as you stopped ignoring the deliciously tempting dish after not eating for a whole day and trying to come up with some other plan. You weren't going to pathetically cry, when you needed to keep your strength. It was a matter of getting out of the cage and then the room. You needed to escape and you weren't going to be stopped by anything, not even Ground Zero.

Who knows what would happen if you didn't? Outside though, Katsuki was locking the five locks to the door and making plans for how to better make the room safer as for you to not get hurt like that again. Padding the walls seemed like an insult to your mental state, but it would only be until he could trust you to behave… Maybe he should have just tied you up in his bed. No, no. He could do that later. For now, he needed to train that wildness out of you and to get you comfortable here. To get you to realize how he is the only one who can keep you safe. He was going to make sure you weren't getting out anytime soon… Or ever, if Katsuki had a say in it. The world was just too awful for someone as soft as you and he would love you even if you never appreciated the lengths he would go for you.

It didn't matter what he had to do as long as he was able to keep you safe. He would do anything for you and he would be able to share everything he wanted to do for you in time. The good, the bad and the ugly. You were here now and that was all that mattered. You two would have all the time in the world to work it out and he was feeling rather optimistic about the future as he decided chains might be the best choice for keeping you out of trouble.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z Movie 13: Wrath of the Dragon

Kind of wild that I made it to Movie 13.   I want to call it the last movie, but it’s not.   “Path to Power” was released several months later, and while Movie 13 used to be the final film under the Dragon Ball Z branding, it was eventually followed by “Battle of Gods” and “Resurrection F” in the 2010′s.  Kind of wild how the 2010′s are nearly over.   I was just getting used to it being the 2010′s.

I’m tempted to think of this movie as a finale in some sense, because it’s set after the Kid Buu fight, but DBZ doesn’t end there.    There’s a three-episode epilogue set ten years after Kid Buu.   Really, this movie is just the first in what became a long list of Dragon Ball projects set during that ten-year period.  

This was, I think, the last DBZ material released by Funimation before they started re-dubbing things for the Orange Brick Sets and Dragon Ball Kai.  I remember attending a Funimation panel at a 2006 comic convention where they talked about this movie, and some of the voice actors were kind of sad that this would be the last time they would portray these characters.    At the time, it certainly seemed that way.    

So this movie premiered in Japanese theaters on July 15, 1995, after Episode 270 of the anime, and before 271.   So if you were a fan in Japan, you could watch Vegito and Super Buu in hot vore action, then go see this movie a few days later, and then watch Super Buu turn Vegito into candy, which strangely isn’t hot vore action.

The release chronology kind of surprises me, because I just got so used to thinking of this movie as an epilogue to Dragon Ball Z.   It kind of is, in a way, because the Dragon Ball manga had already finished up in May 1995, which is probably why this movie lines up so well with post-Buu continuity.    Everyone who’s supposed to be dead is dead, and everyone who’s supposed to be alive is alive.   

This one is my second favorite movie after Fusion Reborn, so I kind of wanted to consider what makes it the second best.   I mean, it’s a matter of taste, really, but I think it’s a question worth asking.   

So let’s get down to business.   This one opens with a kid holding a sword.   He had an ocarina, but he dropped it, and he looks like he’s in some trouble.

Then a giant monster steps on him, and he’s dead.   A mysterious voice declares that Earth is next.    Ominous!

Unlike every other DBZ movie, this one doesn’t feature the opening theme music, just a title card, which looks bad-ass by the way.

And here’s the title of the movie, which in Japanese was “Dragon Fist Explosion!! If Goku Can't Do It, Who Will?”

In lieu of a theme song, the credits roll over the next couple minutes of the movie, which I’ve always found to be a really nice touch.    All along, I’ve been admiring the looming sense of finality in DBZ, and this is a good example of what I’m talking about.    It’s July 1995.    The manga is over, which means the anime will be over soon, and as far as anyone knew, this would be the last movie, and it just sort of quietly proceeds with its business.    Z stands for the end.

This scene is mostly just to establish the Gohan and Videl are fighting crime as a team now, with Gohan as Great Saiyaman  and Videl as Great Saiyaman Mark 2.   Not sure why Gohan stopped wearing a cape, or why he still has that bandana and sunglasses.    He only switched to that because his Saiyaman helmet was illegal in the Tenkaichi Budokai, but that’s long over.   Videl got a helmet, so why can’t he wear one to match?

The weird thing is that Videl’s costumed identity is public knowledge, but Gohan’s isn’t?   They go back to class, and everyone just seems to know that Videl is still fighting crime like always, but as Great Saiyaman 2, or Great Saiyawoman, or whatever.   But Gohan pretends he just went to the restroom, like he used to do in the Great Saiyaman Saga.

Weirder still, everyone knows Gohan is the Great Saiyaman.   He unmasked at the tournament, after all.    I thought this movie might have forgotten about that, except Sharpner even points it out when Gohan returns to class.   

Incidentally, I’m not sure it makes sense for Gohan and Videl to still be in high school in this movie.   It’s set after the Kid Buu fight, but they use the Dragon Balls in this movie, which means it must take place one year after they wish for Shenron to erase everyone’s knowledge of Majin Buu.   So wouldn’t Gohan and Videl have graduated by this point?   They’d both be about 18, wouldn’t they?

Then Videl gets another call on her radio watch, and the cops want the Saiyaman duo to deal with a strange old man who climbed Raenzel Tower.   Videl seems to think that sort of job is beneath the Saiyamen, but they hang up on her, so she’s stuck.

So Gohan has to ask to use the restroom again, after he just got back.    He says he ate bad frog meat, like that does anything but raise further questions.   Erasa seems really confused, like she doesn’t know what’s going on.    Also, it kind of looks like Sharpner, Erasa, Gohan, and Videl are all sitting apart from each other in this movie.    Maybe there was some falling out?  

So here’s Raenzel Tower.   I don’t know that the scenery in this movie necessarily resembles any particular real world city, but this all feels a lot more like Japan than the world of DBZ.   That’s been kind of a gradual trend since DBZ began.   You’d see fewer and fewer animal-people in crowd shots, and by the Majin Buu arc you almost see none at all.    Now that I think of it, Satan City looks and feels a lot more like a “real” city than West City ever used to.    That car at the start of the movie had wheels, for example. 

Anyway, this red dude has climbed up the tower and he’s threatening to jump, because he’s so despondent.   Gohan tries to talk him down, but he won’t cooperate, and Videl gets fed up and dares him to jump.

So he does, much to Videl’s surprise, and then the guy complains that they almost didn’t save him in time.

For some reason, Videl is just irritated with this whole segment of the movie.    I guess she really didn’t like getting called out for this mission, and she probably doesn’t appreciate this guy pretending to be a suicide jumper just to get their attention.   Also, she really wants to get back to school for some reason.   Maybe she just really digs whatever book they’re reading in English Lit. 

Aw, look at that dog!

So this red dude is named Hoi, or Hoy, I forget which spelling Funimation went with, but the subs call him Hoi.    Climbing the tower was just a ruse to get Gohan’s attention so that he could enlist his aid in freeing Tapion, the great hero who saved Planet Conuts in the South Galaxy 1000 years ago.  

Gohan wants to meet the guy, but he’s stuck inside a music box and can’t get out.   Hoi wants to release Tapion, because he claims that there’s going to be a terrible crisis on Earth.   That’s why he’s spent the past thirty years searching for this music box, because he thinks it’s the only way to save the Earth.

To open the box, you just have to turn the handle to play its song, but the handle won’t turn, no matter how hard Gohan tries to force it.   Tapion then explains that he wants to make a wish to Shenron to open the music box, and that’s why he came to Gohan, because he found out that Gohan’s circle has had dealings with the Dragon.  

So Gohan takes the box to Bulma’s house, where she scans it with her... whatever all this stuff is.   This kind of looks like the bridge of the Enterprise, now that I think about it.  Anyway, she can’t make heads or tails of it, and Goku can’t force the handle either, so they decide to gather the Dragon Balls.

As they head out to search for the Balls, Hoi expresses gratitude for finding this kind of help on Earth, which prompts Goku to ask him if he’s not from this planet, and he kind of backpedals and acts like he lived here his whole life.    Seems to me that if he already knows about the Planet Counuts in the South Galaxy, then he must not be from Earth at all.    And even if he is an alien, why would he feel the need to hide that from Goku?   He’s an alien too, after all, so I don’t  think that would make him suspicious.  

For some reason, Videl is now really excited to see Tapion now, becase she’s “so interested in heroes.”   Did she decide Hoi’s story is on the level, or is she just warming up to the idea?

Krillin searches for a Dragon Ball in a carnival haunted house.    This is his only real contribution to the film.

So in no, time, the gang finds a bunch of Dragon Balls.   I’m not sure how they could split up like this, though, unless Bulma made multiple Dragon Radars.  

The seventh ball is in a lion cage at the zoo, so Goku just jumps in and takes it, because Goku does whatever he wants.   That lion’s lucky Bulma promised him shish kebabs later, or otherwise Goku would have just eaten this guy raw right in front of everyone.   

I can’t figure out Videl’s outfit in this movie.    From the back, it looks like shorts, but from the front it looks like a skirt.  

Anyway, Shenron grants the wish and zaps the music box so hard that it shocks Hoi.  

At first, it doesn’t seem to have had any effect, but then the handle starts to turn and it plays its song.   

Okay, so this is a weird place to bring up continuity, but isn’t it odd how Shenron only granted the one wish?   Dende upgraded him to grant two or three, depending on the wishes, so he should have at least asked if the gang wanted something else before he split.  

Anyway, there’s a big light and sound spectacular while the box opens, but Hoi’s eyes glow red and he has this extra-sinister look on his face.   Hmmmm...

Then Tapion comes out, and he’s kind of pissed that they released him.   He draws his sword and demands to be put back in the box, but the box fell apart when it opened, so it’s impossible.

What I don’t understand is that, later in the movie, Tapion acts like he knows Hoi, which implies that he recognizes him on sight.   If so, why doesn’t he just kill him here, while he has the chance?   Or would killing him not accomplish anything?

Then he leaves in a huff.   Trunks thinks Tapion is awesome, but everyone else is kind of puzzled, because he didn’t even thank them for getting him out of the box.

Later, Trunks and Goten track Tapion down to... a junkyard I guess?   Goten isn’t sure this is a great idea, but Trunks wants to meet this guy and hear all his hero stories.  

You know, this is really a beautiful shot.    Watching this again, I guess the main difference between this and Fusion Reborn is that this movie is much more grounded.    There were colorful shots like this in Movie 12, but they were mostly fantasy scenes of heaven or hell, or those extra-cartoony shots of the city.   Movie 13 achieves similar beauty in the mundane.  Instead of a mountain of needles surrounded by crystal jellybeans, we have a crane looming over a rusty storage tank.

Inside, Tapion’s just sort of brooding and freaking out.    When Trunks peeks in on him, he’s kind of taken aback by what he sees.   Maybe this isn’t a tank.    I’m not sure what this place is.   Maybe a derelict factory?

Hey, it’s a barbecue!   Goku was a good boy for not eating those lions, so he gets shish kebab.   Or whatever this is called.   There’s like a cocktail weenie and a shrimp and a pickle on the thing.  

Everyone wonders where Hoi went off to, and Master Roshi starts drunkenly blathering about how he’s harassing women, just like he’s about to start doing.   Why are Roshi and Oolong even in this scene?  

Gohan knows which way the wind is blowing, so he heroically puts himself in front of Videl so Roshi has to go through him to molest her.    It looks like Roshi’s poking Gohan in the dick, though.   Master Roshi belongs in jail.  

He gets fresh with Bulma, so she smacks the shit out of him.   Why does she keep inviting him to these things?  

There’s a cute moment here where Goku notices the boys trying to swipe food off the grill, so he scoots some closer so they can reach it.    Again, this is down-to-earth stuff you can’t get in Movie 12.

Okay, maybe this is a junkyard, what with all the wrecked cars here.    In any case, Goten and Trunks are taking food to Tapion’s lair.

Tapion keeps telling everyone to get away from him, so Trunks leaves the food behind and promises to come back tomorrow with more.

So then there’s a monster attack, and wow, these are some great scenes.    Again, very real-life-y, compared to early Dragon Ball material.   The only distinct Dragon Ball imagery here are the Royal Military uniforms on the soliders.   Otherwise, it would be very easy to mistake these for some other anime.  

That’s not a bad thing, by any means, because I’d say all these realistic city scenes help make the characters stand out more.

So it’s not actually a monster, but half of a monster.   The lower half, to be specific.   Gohan wonders if this was the terrible crisis Hoi warned about earlier in the movie.   I guess when you’ve lived Gohan’s life, you really can’t be sure if a creature like this is related to Hoi’s warning or not.    It could be some completely different crisis starting up.

Videl wants to do their usual routine on the creature, but it attacks them during their pose.  For some reason, Videl is super into the poses in this movie.  Other than one episode of the TV series, this is the only time we see Great Saiyaman 2 in action, but I guess it makes sense she’d dive into the role.   If she was eager to wear the costume, she must be up for the whole nine yards.  

So Gohan fights this thing for a bit, and he discovers that it’s intangible most of the time, and it’s only solid during the moment when it’s attacking something else.   I don’t think I ever noticed before that Gohan figures this out so early in the film.  

So Gohan seems to do pretty well against the creature...

And Videl thinks he’s won, but Gohan’s not convinced.   

The monster has a knack for vanishing and reappearing, kind of like Janemba, but without the pixelation effect.  It’s more of a fog kind of thing.    But then it seems to disappear for good, and when Gohan and Videl search for it, they find Tapion playing his ocarina.   

They also spot Hoi lurking nearby, but I doubt they’d recognize him in his ninja getup.

Later, Trunks brings more food to Tapion’s hideout, but he hasn’t eaten the last meal he left, and Tapion still won’t talk to him.   Later that night, Tapion falls asleep and drops his ocarina, and then he’s attacked by the top half of a monster...

It nearly kills him, but he manages to pick up his ocarina and play it, and this makes the monster fade away.

The next morning, Trunks finds the place shredded from the monster attack, but he’s relieved to see Tapion is still okay, so he leaves breakfast for him.

Then we get this scene where Videl and Bulma are washing dishes together, and she tells Videl how Trunks is sneaking food to Tapion, because he looks up to the guy like a big brother figure.    Trunks is an only child, you see, and he envies Goten’s relationship with Gohan.  Videl’s an only child herself, so she can relate.  

What I don’t get here is when Bulma replies “But you’ve been so keyed up lately”, and Videl seems unnerved by this and says “It’s Trunks’ power that is keyed up!”   I have no idea what this is supposed to mean.    Videl’s reaction almost resembles how she acted when Chi-Chi asked her if she had thought about marriage in Movie 12.   Was Bulma trying to imply that Videl has a thing for Tapion, and it got mistranslated?  I dunno.

On Trunks’ next visit to Tapion’s place, Hoi intrudes and tries to steal Tapion’s ocarina, but Trunks manages to get it instead.  Hoi unmasks and asks Trunks to give him the flute, because Tapion is the danger he had been warning about earlier on.   He claims that Tapion is connected to the monster that Gohan fought the other night.  

You know, one thing that never really gets clarified in this movie is where all of this is happening.   I would assume Tapion’s lair is in West City, since that’s where he escaped the music box, and why would he go to another town to find a junkyard?    But Gohan and Videl always did their superhero stuff in Satan City, so I assume that’s where they fought the monster.  

Anyway, I never understood why Hoi expected Trunks to trust him in this scene.    Initially he told them all that Tapion was supposed to save them from a crisis, and now he’s accusing Tapion of being part of the problem.   

Then again, I guess Trunks might be somewhat conflicted, since Tapion’s been acting very mysterious and moody this whole time.   But Tapion asks Trunks to trust him, and after a tense moment, Trunks does.   He gives Tapion the flute and Hoi leaves empty-handed.  I guess you could say that Trunks went with his gut.   From the beginning, Trunks saw something he liked about Tapion, and he decided to trust that first impression over Hoi’s exaggerated warnings.

Trunks prepares to leave before Tapion chews him out again, but instead Tapion invites him to stick around and join him for dinner.   Awwww.

Later, Bulma informs Videl that Trunks has invited Tapion to spend the night at their home.   Speaking of which, doesn’t Videl have her own home?    Why is she spending all her time at Capsule Corp. these days?

So Trunks shows Tapion all of his toys, but a toy robot catches Tapion’s attention.  It separates into two halves, sort of like that monster.  Hmmmm...

Later, Tapion tells Trunks about his little brother, Minotia, but Trunks falls asleep during his story.

As he watches Trunks sleep, he can’t help but be reminded of Minotia, and just so there’s no misunderstanding, that was the kid we saw die in the opening scene of the movie.   

So Tapion leaves Trunks to sleep, only to run into Bulma in the hallway.   She’s wearing this shawl, or maybe it’s a blanket or something.    It looks cute, is my point.   It also looks very different from what we usually see Bulma wear.   

She just looks a lot more like a regular person instead of some genius billionaire inventor.   She kind of reminds me of the older Chi-Chi from the History of Trunks special.   Anyway, she invites Tapion to stay at Capsule Corp. all the time, but he’s afraid of what might happen if he does.  

She wants to know what he’s talking about, but it’s a long story, so she puts on a pot of coffee.   I always thought it was tea, but that looks like a coffee pot to me.    Also, there’s an entire fruit basket just in case anyone gets hungry in the middle of the night.   Speaking of Vegeta, imagine if he’s in this room, just out of the frame, sullenly chewing on an orange while Tapion tells his gloomy origin story.    Vegeta eats oranges with the peel because no one ever told him not to.   Bulma can’t tell him now because it would be awkward after all this time.  

All right, so here’s the deal.    One thousand years ago, on the planet Conuts, they had this totem that absorbed all the evil will on the planet.   I don’t know if that’s legit, or some kind of superstition, but the totem was this big stone sculpture.    One day, this “sect of warlocks” from some other place showed up and turned the totem into “phantasm” named Hildegarn, or Hirudegarn.    Then they turned it loose on Conuts’ population.   Hoi was one of the warlocks.  

Man, I love this shot of Bulma.   This is really the difference between Movies 12 and 13.   13 has it’s share of fantasy stuff going on, but there’s a certain distance to it.   In Movie 12, the characters are right in the thick of it all, but here, it’s an ancient tale being told to a regular lady over coffee.  There’s a certain weight to all of this that none of the other movies really achieve.    For one thing, Bulma now realizes that she was deceived by Hoi, and their fun afternoon of summoning Shenron to meet a hero was actually part of Hoi’s plot to destroy their world.   So if things go badly from here, she’s at least partly responsible for whatever happens next.   You don’t get that complexity in the earlier movies.

Conuts was able to defeat Hirudegarn eventually, thanks to a pair of swords and flutes that were empowered by “God” to control the totem.   I think the idea is that the Kami of Planet Conuts was in charge of this, sort of like how Dende, the Kami of Earth, oversees the Dragon Balls.   But they might actually mean a higher power besides a DBZ-style Kami.  

Anyway, Tapion and Miotia played the ocarinas, which had the ability to immboilize Hirudegarn, and while they did that, a priest cut the monster in half with one of the swords.    The subs suggest that there’s only one special sword involved here, but Tapion and Minotia are both equipped with them, so I think that means there are two.    Maybe Minotia’s is just a regular sword. 

Here’s the priest, by the way.   I kind of like his design better than Tapions?   Anyway.

So that put an end to Hirudegarn, right?  Well, not quite.  I guess they couldn’t just kill the thing, so they did the next best thing and sealed each half of the phantasm in Tapion and Minotia.   Tapion got the top half, and Minotia got the legs.  But even that wasn’t good enough, because the warlocks kept trying to attack the brothers to take back Hirudegarn.  

So they ended up getting sealed inside music boxes.    I think that may be the Kami of Conuts there in the background.   The one with the multicolored halo.  As we’ve seen, these must be special music boxes, since Goku couldn’t even turn the handle on one.

Then they shot the music boxes into space, just to make sure they would be as far apart from one another as possible.   And that’s how Tapion ended up on Earth, and why Hoi came to Earth.   He told Dragon Team that he wanted to free Tapion to save the universe, but he actually wanted to get Tapion out of the box so that he could get the top half of Hirudegarn out of Tapion.  

Aw, man this shot from the aquarium is awesome.   This really is a great movie.   I think it’s a matter of taste.   Critics would probably complain that the battle at the end is kind of short and disconnected from the rest of the story, but this movie is telling a quieter, more emotional story.   I think Movie 12 is better, because I prefer the louder, goofier tone it has, but it really is a matter of personal taste.   

Anyway, it’s a safe bet what happened to Minotia.   At some point, Hoi tracked him down, managed to release the lower half of Hirudegarn, and used that to kill Minotia, as we saw in the beginning.  

So it’s up to Tapion now to make certain Hoi can’t gain control of both halves, or else Hirudegarn will destroy everything.    And as we’ve seen, he can’t go to sleep, or the monster will emerge from his body.    That worries Bulma a great deal, so she offers to build him a chamber to serve as a replacement for the music box.   At least, she thinks she can do it, since she still has the pieces from before, and she believes if she analyzes them that she can whip up a substitute.   

I like that about this movie.  Bulma hears out this poor kid’s story, and she’s like “Well, I’ll build you a box that’ll let you sleep!” and it won’t even take her very long.   Tapion’s supposed to be this magical hero, but Bulma has a bit of that same aura herself.

All she asks in return is that he spend some quality time with her son, and he’s happy to do that.    Also, Majin Buu’s dog is here for some  reason.   At least, I think that’s Bee. 

Then she steps outside to tell them it’s ready, and she’s still in her pajamas, so I think this means she was up all night working on this thing.    Bulma’s awesome. 

So this thing looks ridiculous, and I have no idea how it’s supposed to work, but I guess the idea is that she reverse engineered whatever mojo the original music box had, minus the part where a grown man could fit inside it.    Why did she bother adding the gold trim to the sides?   Because Bulma, that’s why.

Meanwhile, the lower half of Hirudegarn is attacking somewhere else, and I guess his tail can open up to reveal dozens of tentacles.

I guess this is how Hirudegarn feeds?   It’s pretty gross.    It suddenly occurred to me to search for Hirudegarn fics on AO3, but I’m pretty sure I don’t wanna know. 

Then Tapion gets some sort of psychic feedback, maybe?   I’m not clear on what’s going on, exactly, but it blows up the bedroom Bulma built for him.    So did it just never work to begin with, or is Hirudegarn becoming powerful enough to overload it somehow?

So Bulma calls in Goku, Gohan, and Goten.   Goku acts like he’s searching for clues, but let’s be real here, he doesn’t know what he’s doing.    He only picked up that gear because he thought it was made of chocolate.

Then Tapion stumbles back into the house, and he explains that the upper half got loose again, and he’s having more trouble controlling it.   He somehow got it back inside his body, but he asks the others to kill him before it gets out again.  Bulma offers to build a sturdier room for him, but he seems to think we’re past that.

Then Hoi shows up with the lower half of Hirudegarn, and they attack.    Trunks gives Tapion the ocarina, but it doesn’t work this time.

I don’t think this ever really gets explained properly.    Is Hirudgarn getting too strong to contain, or is Tapion’s power over him weakening?   Or is this because Hoi is doing something to help get Hirudegarn loose?   Or is it because Minotia is dead?

Anyway, now Hirudegarn is finally reunited, and Hoi is convinced that he’s now become invincible.    In the dub, Hoi explains that he’s the sole survivor of a species called the Kashvar, who believe themselves superior to all other forms of life.   The subs never get into this, but it’s a bit of lore that I enjoy.   

Hoi’s a pretty cool bad guy.   I like how he suckered all the good guys.    I like how he resembles Babidi but not too closely.   And I like his naughty red color.   

So there’s not much Tapion can do from here, so Trunks moves him to a safe distance an tells him to let them handle things from here.    Magic ocarinas and music boxes worked pretty well for a while, but now it’s time to do this the DBZ way, which means throwing down, mang.   

There’s a trailer for Movie 13 that was included in the video file I downloaded when I first watched the fansub of this movie.   In it, Masako Nozawa as Goku explains the premise of the movie, and how there’s this monster who’s going to wreck the world, and then she screams “I WON’T LET ANYONE DESTROY THE EARTH!”   It’s awesome.   

So there’s a couple of issues with this fight.    First, the elephant in the room is that Gohan’s the strongest guy in the movie, but Goku’s the one who makes the big save at the end.   The movie does a decent job working around this, but that leads into the second problem....

Which is that nobody can actually touch Hirudegarn now that he’s reunited.   I guess he’s stronger and faster than he was when Gohan fought the legs, so even though Gohan knows he can only hit him while Hirudegarn is attacking, it’s a lot harder to pull that off this time.    But what you end up with is a lot of footage of the Saiyans punching trails of mist, then getting clobbered.    It’s good for building suspense, but it’s not very inspired compared to some other movie fights.    Movie 8 was pretty one-sided, but at least the gang could hit Broly.   It just never hurt him, which indicated how tough he is.   

At one point, Hirudegarn turns solid so he can grab Gohan, but this sets him up for an attack by Vegeta, who finally shows up in this scene to bawl out Hirudegarn for attacking his house.  

But he gets the same treatment as everyone else.   Hirudegarn flings him into a nearby office building, and Vegeta expends the rest of his power just shielding himself and the bystanders from Hirudegarn’s fiery breath.

Goku tries to help him, and he just gets clobbered for his trouble.

So Goten and Trunks try to turn the tide with fusion, and for a hot minute, Super Saiyan 3 Gotenks seems to have an edge.   

After a volley of ki blasts, it looks like Hirudegarn just keels over and dies.   Oh, hey, that’s the same tower Hoi was climbing on when he first showed up.   So I guess this whole movie takes place in West City?    Only we saw Gohan and Videl in Orange Star High.   Ah well.

So it looks like Hirudegarn is dead or dying, but...

It turns out he was just molting.    Did Tapion have any idea that he could do this?   I wonder.

So Gotenks is the first to fall.   One swat from Big H knocks him down to the ground so hard that he de-fuses on the first bounce.  

Gohan and Videl are next.    I’m not sure why this thing keeps trying to crush Gohan, unless it’s because he’s the strongest one in the group.  Maybe that was their way of acknowledging this.  

So that leaves Goku to hold the line on his own, but he doesn’t last much longer.   Just when it looks like there’s no one to defend West City...

Tapion returns with his ocarina.  He hasn’t exactly had a winning track record with this lately, but it’s the only card he has to play, so he’s giving it all he’s got.

With a herculean effort, Tapion manages to seal all of Hirudegarn into his own body.   Trunks runs over to congratulate him...

... but this was only a temporary measure.    Tapion hasn’t beaten Hirudegarn.   He’s just holding him for a moment, long enough for someone to kill him before Hirudegarn can escape again.  And since Trunks is the only one on his feet, its up to him.   

It’s an impossible choice.  Trunks is just a boy.   This is too much for a kid like him, but there’s no other way.   If he doesn’t act now, Hirudegarn will escape, and there’ll be no way to stop him.     That’d be hard enough, but he loves Tapion like the older brother he never had.  It’s too cruel that he should have to do this.   And yet, what else can he do?

But before Trunks can decide, Hirudegarn busts loose, and the ocarina breaks.   So Tapion won’t be able to try that stunt again.    I’m not sure he’d be able to stand the strain even if he could try again.   Hirudegarn is just too powerful like this.  

So yeah, it looks like a total shut-out for Hoi.   Yessir, looking pretty rosy for the last Kashvar...

OH SHI--

HAHAHAHAHA HOI’S DEAD!   I love this part!   Did Hoi ever really have any control over Hirudegarn?   I mean, he wasn’t exactly telling him to do anything he wouldn’t have been doing anyway.    Nice knowin’ ya, you sorry bastard.

But everyone else is still screed.    Hoi couldn’t conrol Hirudegarn and Tapion can’t contain him and the Z-Fighters can’t beat him, so what does that leave.    Yeah, Trunks didn’t have to kill Tapion, but it looks like he’s going to die here no matter what.    Z stands for the end.  

But not yet.

Yeah, now I see why I had so much trouble telling what city this was.   It’s not West City or Satan City.    Hirudegarn needs to update his GPS, because he somehow ended up taking I-65 straight into Goku Town, population: get wrecked, son.

Hirudegarn goes to attack Goku, but before he can do that, Trunks jumps in and chops off his tail with Tapion’s sword.   Yeah!   

That got him good, but Goku wants Trunks to stay out of this one.    Gohan tries to tell Goku that Hirudegarn has a weakness, but Goku’s already figured it out.   He needs to goad Hirudegarn into attacking, and then use that moment to hit him with everything he’s got.   

Fortunately, Hirudegarn is happy to oblige, and he starts punching Goku, while Goku doesn’t do much about it.   He just no-sells each blow, taunting Hirudegarn to try again.   

Maybe this fight’s better than I gave it credit for.    The mistake the Z-Fighters made earlier was that they kept trying to strike Hirudegarn, which only left them wide open to his counterattacks.    The key here is to stay on the defensive, and lull Hirudegarn into remaining solid.

Of course, you’ve still got to be sturdy enough to weather this kind of storm, but that’s why Goku’s using Super Saiyan 3.   Gohan could have done this himself, but he got beaten up before he could come up with this strategy.    Goku can make it work, but he can’t stay in this form for very long, so he probably only has one shot at this.

But if he doesn’t do it, who will?!

Hirudegarn goes for one more punch...

But this time Goku jumps over his fist and...

DRAGON FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIST!

AAAAAAAGH!   His punch exploded!

And it turned into Shenron this is nuts! 

Hirudegarn knows he’s done fucked up now!

Yeah, say goodbye to your kidneys, asshole!   You thought you could just step on Capsule Corp.!   That’s where Goku gets his shish kebab, idiot!    There’s gonna be hell to pay now.

OH YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DONE?    Guess what, now the ki dragon that shot through you is gonna wrap around you and strangle you to death!

Also, it explodes again, so yeah, that’s the end of Hirudegarn.

Victory for Goku!    And the moral of the story is, don’t send a flute to do an exploding punch dragon fist’s job.

Later, the good guys reassure Tapion that they’ll wish all of Hirudegarn’s victims back with the Dragon Balls.   Well yeah, but it’ll be months before they can make another wish, so that’s kind of awkward.  

As for Tapion, Bulma has apparently built her own version of the time machine used by Future Trunks in the Androids Saga.   Either that, or she refurbished the duplicate time machine Cell used to arrive in this timeline.   This movie doesn’t play too well with Dragon Ball Super continuity, but fuck the Zamasu arc, it was stupid and this movie rules. 

So I guess Tapion’s going to go back in time to when everyone he knew and loved was still alive on Conuts.   I think the dub indicated that he was going to prevent Minotia’s death somehow, but I’m not sure how that would work.    Anyway, Trunks is sorry to see him go, but Bulma says they can just use the time machine to visit him.    Wait, so does she mean she has a second time machine?   Becase I don’t think they’re getting this one back.  

Before he departs, Tapion gives Trunks his sword, saying he won’t be needing it anymore.   So that’s pretty cool.

And as the time machine fades away, Trunks watches it go with his new sword on his back, and the credits roll...

... with scenes of Future Trunks in action.    Clearly, Toei wanted to connect these two versions of Trunks.    I think a lot of fans have mistakenly assumed that this movie is trying to suggest that this is the origin story for Future Trunks’ sword.   Maybe Future Trunks met some alternate version of Tapion, but I think this story was just making the point that Kid Trunks would admire a hero who resembled Future Trunks in a lot of ways, including the sword and the stoic, selfless personality.  

But yeah, that’s Movie 13.    It’s not as flashy as Movie 12, but it never comes close to being dull, and the Super Dragon Fist at the end is the cherry on top.   

Plus, you’ve got the excellent ending theme, “Ore Ga Yaranakya Dare Ga Yaru” by Hironobu Kageyama.  

[packsbeforesnacks]

Zip Zap Zop || Blanche & Winn

TIMING: Friday, October 11th, 2019, Midday LOCATION: UMWC PARTIES: @harlowhaunted​ & @packsbeforesnacks​ SUMMARY: Winn makes his first friend (?) in White Crest. Oh God, Blanche has AirPods in. She can’t hear us! WARNINGS: None.

“—don’t think you can ignore me young lady! Blanche! I am speaking to you!” Blanche guessed that ignoring the ghost of her great-grandmother was probably some cardinal sin or something, but she was going on and on about things that just didn’t matter. Like her class load for the semester or how she was still an accounting major or how the boots she was wearing wasn’t appropriate for October (for some reason). Blanche was not going to get caught speaking to a ghost today. Everyone already thought she talked to herself, and she wasn’t really in the mood to pull an excuse out of her ass. She just wanted to go to class, take her test, and go home so she could nap before going to the night shift at Mooseventures. She was unwinding her headphones as she sped-walked through campus. “Blanche! Don’t you dare!” Oh, she dared. She shoved her earbuds in her ear and immediately blasted the first song she could find on her Spotify. Looked like Billie Ellish was what she was going with. Of course, she could still see Granny, and had to sidestep her a few times to ignore the unpleasant bone-chilling sensation she would get if she walked through a ghost. Sure, it looked a little ridiculous, like she was constantly trying to walk on something very specific, but she didn’t give a shit because she was just focused on four things. Class, test, home, nap. Class, test, home, nap. Class, test, home, nap. Class, test, home, nap.

Fridays had always been Winn’s favorite part of the school week, especially once he’d gotten to college. Drinking on Thursday nights with his packmates and waking up with nothing to do other than plan a party or a prowl had been a highlight of his years as an upperclassmen. Graduate school, Winn was finding, had a much more regular rhythm to it. He could manage to get his schedule to end early enough — there was no chance of him going furry in the middle of an Abnormal Psych lecture — but he and his attention span were doomed to fight through Friday classes. That struggle was all the worse this close to a Full Moon, when the wolf wanted nothing more than to tear Professor Rafferty limb from limb for no reason other than Rafferty looking like a snack — and not the sexy kind. But sweet freedom was in his clutches now, as he jogged towards the parking lot. Winn was getting some strange looks from undergrads for his mid-October clothing choices. Most of them had retreated into at least a loose jacket, some into sweaters. Winn had enough body heat running through him from his other half, thanks, and would wear a tanktop until the moment the odd looks turned into thinly-veiled suspicion. Winn had somewhat of a reputation, back home anyway, for his allergy to covering his arms or legs. He’d only recently switched into tanks and jean shorts, evolving from the crop tops and athletic shorts that were often still too hot for him in Virginia summers. Maine was cooler, sure, but not by that much. Winn stopped to stretch his calf out on the edge of a crosswalk, waiting for the light to change. But as he leaned down, he noticed two things in rapid succession: first, that a blonde girl had just wandered past him and into the crosswalk and, second, that a university bus was coming fast down the street. Shit.

That was the thing about university buses. Did they care about speed limits? No. Did they care about students? No. In fact, more often than not, students could be seen hauling ass after one that had just closed its doors on them. Blanche had been there once or twice before she just gave up. Her car was easier, or even her bike when her car decided it was too good to work. Blanche was determined to ignore Granny and just stay listening to her music in peace. Except, as she sidestepped a guy (who had to be cold from how he was dressed. Then again, she shouldn't judge him, the bitter cold hadn't sunk into Maine yet. But, as Game of Thrones was fond of saying, winter was coming), Blanche had managed to wander right out into the middle of the road when it wasn’t her turn to walk. This hadn't been the first time something like this had happened. Usually it was for the same reason: trying to get the hell away from ghosts. She was lucky she hadn’t been hit yet. Blanche, though, had never walked in front of a bus. Granny’s screech of warning caused her phone to go on the fritz, and just as she looked up to start yelling, she saw the bus. Not only was there not enough time to move anyway, she was rooted to the spot. Frozen, like a deer in the headlights. At least I won't have to take my test or go to work, her mind cruelly supplied. “Oh fu—”

This was why he had to let the wolf out more often, actually! The proximity to the full moon was causing him to be sloppy and adventurous. Normally, he could work off the excess energy in the woods, but he’d been so, so busy. So, when Winn saw a person in danger, he leapt to action. Later, he would say he knew it must’ve looked strange, from the outside, when he bent the rest of the way down and ran at the girl on all fours, but, as he’d argue, he was already so close to the ground and he was faster on his hands and feet — his paws — than he’d ever be on two legs. In the time it would take him to bend back up and bolt into the street, the girl would lose precious time. ‘Course, he wasn’t much thinking about this at the time, his brain mostly concerned with blaring “DANGER” since he was, pretty much, a dog running into traffic and the wolf howling “GO, GO, GO!” in the back of his mind. Unlike when he was in his wolf form, though, a hit from a bus could do a lot of damage to his objectively nice bod. Fortunately for him and the girl both, the bus was fast, but Winn was faster — thank goodness for speed limits and relatively self-aware drivers. He grabbed the girl, tucking her smaller form under one of his arms, and shoved his body through the crosswalk. They landed with a thud on the edge of the sidewalk, a bit bruised but alive. Nothing in his life could be so easy, though. Winn sprang to his feet, too fast and without letting go of the girl under his arm... and almost immediately, Winn and the girl were tumbling together through, somehow, a window. Now, how’d that get there?

Blanche was pretty sure she blacked out sometime between Granny going absolutely batshit and the fuckboy running into her at a million miles an hour. She came back just as her and the fuckboy hit the curb. Ouch. Well, she wasn’t dead, so that had to be the bright side here. Except, she still didn’t really know what was happening. Granny was still losing her fucking mind. That was the problem with seeing and hearing ghosts that no one else could. Too frequently, they kept talking to her, and it was too hard to focus on the people who were among the living. It was overwhelming. Blanche coughed slightly, a tad winded, before they were moving again. Fuckboy — she should stop calling him that, he just saved her life — hadn’t released his hold on her, and to be honest, she was kind of holding on for dear life. The window was a surprise, because, really, why the hell was there a fucking window in the middle of campus. There wasn’t even a building attached to it. They tumbled and landed on the ground again, and this time Blanche hurriedly let go before any other harm could come to them. Well, maybe harm was a little strong, because for going through a window, she was feeling pretty alright. Blanche carefully scrambled to her knees to see a crowd of shocked students wearing all black staring at them, and realized almost instantly that they just dove straight through the theatre majors’ set piece. Blanche, a little dazed from the adrenaline, looked at Fuckboy. “Your shirt’s broken—” Blanche said, eyes wide as she started to stand. Bad move, bad move, super duper bad move. Her head connected what felt like concrete and she dropped like a sack of potatoes back to the ground.

There was nothing like flying through a window to bring some real perspective on things. For one, that Winn should maybe wear sturdier tanks to class. The one he’d had on was shredded — just, completely torn to bits. A piece of fabric hung from one of his nipple rings and, while Winn had very little shame, it was pretty embarrassing. It looked more like the world’s worst party streamer or, eesh, tassels? Tacky. He ignored the wolf-whistles (ha) from a few of the folks whose window Winn had just busted as the blonde scrambled away from him. Her clothes were fine, though they looked frankly suffocating. He heard her say something as he pulled himself up off of the ground, but his senses were finally coming back into their typical resting place and, well, he was admittedly distracted. With dim shock covering his heightened perception just enough, he didn’t notice the girl picking herself up off the ground until she connected with his head. Winn barely felt it, though from the way that the girl dropped back to the ground, he supposed she had to feel it. Huh. Guess what his ma had always said about him having a hard head was true. He crouched back down, ignoring the fairly indignant rumbling from the people dressed in black surrounding him and the girl. He looked at the glass surrounding them, finally realizing that the “window” had been something more fake. Winn had busted through actual glass before and, well, his shirt wouldn’t have been the only victim if they’d tumbled through real glass. That was a mark in his favor, but, well. The girl was definitely going to hate him. He’d shoved her through a window! Dumbass. Dumb wolf, dumb man. Dumb wolfman. Sighing, he reached out his hand, “Uh, sorry… about that. Are you okay? I was trying to get you out of the way, but think I might’ve done more harm than good…”

Maybe if she just laid there, they would leave her there to perish due to the forces of nature. Now, she had a headache, but all things considered, at least she hadn’t been squashed by a bus. Blanche opened an eye, before letting out a low groan as the Fuckboy said something to her. He looked ridiculous. How the hell did that happen to his shirt, there had to be, like, physics against that. “I’m okay,” she said, reaching out to grab his hand and pull herself up. This time, she was carefully avoiding smashing heads with anyone else, much less concrete head over here. “I wasn’t paying attention. I’d rather go through a thing of stage glass than get hit by a bus, honestly, so thanks for that.” She rubbed her head, before fully examining the contents around her and the disgruntled theatre majors. “Um,” Blanche lowered her voice to a whisper, wincing slightly. “I don’t think they’re too happy about the window, though…”

Winn whistled lowly at the destruction. “Yeah, uh, sorry folks. We didn’t mean to break your window. Honest. Just, er, an unfortunate accident. I’m Winn, by the way.” He wasn’t sure whether he was saying that to them, or to the girl he’d tackled near halfway across campus. Was it a bad idea to let them know his name? He could run away, but then Shorty would be straddled with the clean-up, or retribution, or whatever theatre majors could actually do. Method act at him? Winn hadn’t been a bully or anything in high school (he didn’t hang with bullies either, so he didn’t know how to shove people in lockers), but he was sure he could rumble with a few (honestly, kinda scrawny) undergrads dressed in black. As he was contemplating this, a put-upon looking older woman ran a hand down her face, bags under her eyes. She sighed deeply, but before she could say anything, Winn interrupted: “We could, I don’t know, do something for y’all? Quip bro quo, or whatever? We, um…” He licked his lips, panicking, and looked to the girl standing next to him. One hand raised and covering his lips moving, he stage-whispered (ha), “Do you have any ideas?”

This could not be happening. Blanche looked warily between Winn and the angry theatre majors. How was this her fault, exactly? She was considering just backing up and running away, and leaving Mr. Nipple Tassel to deal with it himself. As if Granny could sense what she was thinking, she hissed in her ear: “You were the idiot that walked in front of a bus. Take responsibility for your actions!” Sure. Okay. But did Winn, as she learned his name was, have to jump through a window while still holding on to her? Blanche’s gaze snapped from the tired woman who could only be the drama director when Winn offered up a Quip Bro Quo. Oh god, he was an idiot. And then he turned to her and asked if she had any bright ideas. “Uh—” Oh. She sure didn’t. Blanche grimaced, and looked between everyone. “Um. Well. Hi. I’m Blanche.” Well, that was stupid, now they knew her name. Fuck. The woman was giving her a withering stare. “We could… offer labor?” Blanche said, weakly. She glanced up at Winn. “I don’t know, paint sets? Or something?”

The woman was still glaring at the both of them. “Or something,” she confirmed.

[thecomicsnexus]

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES #52-56 OCTOBER 1992 - FEBRUARY 1993 BY KEVIN EASTMAN, PETER LAIRD, JIM LAWSON, KEITH AIKEN AND MATT BANNING

SYNOPSIS (MIXED WITH TURTLEPEDIA, TMNT ENTITY AND COMIC VINE)

Casey wakes up in Gabby's trailer, too injured to eat. Gabrielle tells Jones that he can stay there and rest up if he wants to, and Casey says that he might. Jones then dials the local police to report the incident, but when the operator answers he just hangs up. He grabs a drink and heads outside to take a walk.

April is reading about the Foot violence in the New York Times. The story sparks her memories of the Foot burning down her antique store. Robyn interrupts her sister's thoughts and the two head out to do some shopping.

Gabby gets an hour off so she heads home and is surprised to find Casey still there. Jones has cleaned up the trailer and made lunch that they share.

Master Splinter is in the woods of Northampton, Massachusetts, attempting to meditate, but something is on his mind and he cannot concentrate.

Casey and Gabby are talking about the family that Jones left behind in New York.

"You miss your family, huh Casey?" Gabby asks.

"Yeah, I guess..." Casey mumbles, "Yeah..."

Gabrielle takes Casey's hand and tells him, "I just want you to know... when you're ready... if you're ready... to tell me... I'll be here. Until then... I'd like you to stay."

With that out in the open, Gabby kisses Casey.

In New York City, an Asian businessman is riding on a bus. He opens his briefcase and connects a cordless phone to his laptop computer, using it to hack into the power company's computers. He flags an account as seven months overdue. The power company discovers this odd glitch and wonders how it got past them for so long without anyone noticing, but rather than investigate further, they simply shut off the electricity in a building - one that the Foot Soldiers are using as a headquarters.

In Tokyo, Japan we see a conference with numerous business people gathered around a table. A man notes that their software has almost completed beta test phase and that it is a pity that they allowed the New York factions to go to war for so long. A woman notes that it was to their advantage to wait.

"In chaos there is weakness." she states.

Back in New York City, the Turtles prevent a woman from being mugged by three men. Raphael is tired of being a street vigilante and wants to find the Foot.

We see the old man in the hospital, sitting up for the first time with assistance from his nurse.

Leonardo tells Raphael that they just need to wait, and that in time their path will be revealed.

"Could ya keep the Zen crap to yourself for now, Leo?" Raph sneers, "We don't all have your freakin' Buddha nature, ya know... some of us actually enjoy linear thought! Like me... if I can't figure out whose butt I'm supposed to kick soon, I'm just gonna - -"

With that, Raph sees a strange robot emerging from out of a van driven by Foot Soldiers.

"--bust--" Raphael concludes, "Oboy. ALL RIGHT!"

The robot starts destroying a nearby bus, the one that contains the businessman who had earlier hacked into the power company's computers. The Turtles attack the robot and an army of Foot Soldiers appear from nowhere. Chaos ensues. Raph manages to destroy the robot, and the guys regroup, only to find themselves surrounded by Foot Soldiers and two more robots.

"What a revoltin' development this is." Raph notes as the Foot close in.

Well, look at it this way, Raph," Mike states, "It can't get much worse!"

In the final panel we see one of Shredder's Elite poised on top of a building.

Master Splinter is still attempting to meditate in the woods of Northampton, Massachusetts but his efforts once again prove futile.

Casey has taken a job as a grocery bagger, but he messes up by putting the bread on the bottom of the bag, which enrages his boss. The angry older man gets in Jones' face and reads him the riot act and insults Jones. Casey gets angry and puts a bag over the man's head and punches him in the face, sending him flying. Jones then storms out, but as soon as he's outside he realizes that he needs the job and goes back inside. Casey apologizes for the incident and asks for his job back. The man makes Jones get on his knees and beg for the work, but then screams "NO!" in Casey's face. So Space Case lets another punch fly and heads out.

Karai's plane has arrived in the United States, and she boards a helicopter that takes her to Foot headquarters, an imposing skyscraper in New York City.

Casey and Gabby are watching a romantic sunset. Gabrielle announces that she's getting hungry and wants to head for home, but before Casey starts their Jeep, he produces a ring and proposes. Gabby accepts Casey's proposal and the two are engaged.

April is having dinner with a slick weasel with a ponytail. The man brags about his programming prowess and then grabs April by the knee. O'Neil throws her coffee on the fellow and storms out. As she walks home, April reflects on how much she dislikes California.

Master Splinter is awoken by a voice, insisting that the old rat must eat if he's to survive. The Sensei tells the voice that he has nothing to subsist on.

"Help me..." Splinter implores.

"The help you seek," the Voice replies, "Is your own."

"There is little nourishment in riddles, shadow." states Splinter.

"The riddle is yours... that which can sustain you is within your reach... but not yet within your grasp." the Voice notes.

"I'm hungry... cold... in pain... and yet you torment me. You are death." concludes the Sensei.

"I am not," the Voice states, "But I know death."

Leonardo encourages his brothers to go on a training run. Raphael is not interested, but after some cajoling, he agrees to go along.

The old man is sitting up at the hospital, gazing longingly at the shuttered window.

As the Turtles jump from rooftop to rooftop, Raphael steps in some dog dung. This enrages Raph and he angrily stalks off towards home. As Raph makes hi sway back, he's ambushed by one of Shredder's Elite Guard. Raph is badly cut on the face, but he manages to severely wound the Elite by stabbing him in the side with a sai, thus taking the Elite out of action. Leo, Mike and Don arrive just as the fighting ends. The Elite gazes up at Leonardo.

"Y-you... you are the kappa... that killed my Master... Oroku Saki!" he stammers.

"Yes." replies Leonardo.

"I am... duty bound... to slay you... to... avenge my Master..." the man croaks.

"I think your avengin' days are over, pal." notes Raph.

"Perhaps... in the next life..." notes the Elite.

"Perhaps." answers Leo.

With this, the Elite Guard commits seppuku.

Master Splinter continues arguing with the Voice.

"Who are you!!?" Splinter demands.

"I have had several names," comes the answer, "But considering the circumstances, perhaps none is more appropriate than this... you may call me... the Rat King."

At her programming job in LA, April is feeling restless.  She goes to her boss and states that the project he currently has her assigned to is a waste of time.  Her boss sends her back to her desk and tells her to finish it.  April sits back down, frustrated and angry.

At a Justice of the Peace's office in Colorado, Casey and Gabe tie the knot.  Returning to their trailer, Casey has decorated the whole place in a tropical island theme to serve as their honeymoon.  Gabe is thrilled with the gesture.

Inside the abandoned smokestack in Northampton, Splinter has been surviving off melted snow for water, though he needs food soon or he’ll perish.  The Rat King urges him to eat the rats that scurry about his reach, claiming that once Splinter dies, the rats will have no second thoughts about eating his remains.  Splinter refuses, believing himself to be above something as reprehensible as cannibalism.  The Rat King tells Splinter that he is making a mistake by trying to shed his animal nature in search of spiritual perfection.

Back in LA, April returns home to Robyn’s place in a foul mood.  She chides Robyn again for being messy and irresponsible and the two get into an argument. Robyn reminds April that their mother is dead and that April is not their father.

In the smokestack, Splinter grabs a rat, but lets it go; still unable to do the deed.  The Rat King calls Splinter a weak master for his students, but Splinter believes it better to die than give in.  Splinter asks if the Rat King is human and the Rat King reveals that he rejected his humanity long ago.

In New York, Karai and the Foot Clan have tracked the Turtles (who have grown sloppy) back to their water tower.  Karai has assembled a unit of Foot Soldiers from the remains of the New York branch that are lost and looking for leadership.  They plant a bomb beneath the tower, setting it on fire and sending the Turtles fleeing onto the rooftop.  The Turtles, caught totally unawares, struggle to battle the Foot Soldiers (while in the hospital, the old man lays quietly in his bed).

Karai orders her Foot Soldiers to take the Turtles alive and they break out their tasers.  The Foot Soldiers get Leo, zapping him unconscious.  Though they’re loathe to do it, the other Turtles retreat before they’re caught, too.  As they escape, Karai sends an arrow their way with a note attached.  The note contains a phone number.

At Robyn’s place, April receives a phone call from the Empire Estates Nursing Home.  As it turns out, their father passed away that morning.

REVIEW

When this story started, all these characters were in pain with their present. But as the story progresses, they start to figure out that they found their destiny, and that they cannot really avoid it. By being separated, they became weaker. If you like metaphors, all these divisions are reflected in the TV reports about conflicts in Europe and Asia. These fractures are food for vultures.

To make things more interesting, Karai made her debut in these issues. We are still not sure what she wants but... well... I already know the character :p

As for Casey’s story. I never heard of this Gabe before, so I don’t think that story is going to end well. And I think this mostly because of all the characters that are rediscovering themselves, Casey is the only one that seems to have been benefited by this arc. We’ll see.

The art got better with Matt Banning. It’s no secret that certain artists look better paired with certain inkers... maybe Keith Aiken wasn’t the right choice for Lawson.

I give these issues a score of 9.

[fly-pow-bye]

DuckTales 2017 - “TimePhoon!”

Story by: Francisco Angones, Madison Bateman, Colleen Evanson, Christian Magalhaes, Bob Snow

Written by: Madison Bateman

Storyboard by: Samir Barrett, Victoria Harris, Sam King, Jason Reicher

Directed by: Jason Zurek

Time travel and Louie, oh boy.

This episode begins on a dark and stormy night, or, to put it more specifically...

Roxanne Featherly: Here in Duckberg, life is like a hurricane?

Ha, I get it. Honestly, considering this episode is about an actual hurricane, it be a crime not to reference that. Anyway, the episode begins with the McDuck Manor preparing for the worst El Pato storm in history. Dewey and Webby are preparing the emergency food supply...

...which consists of a Chili Cheese Dog bar. Mrs. Beakley does not approve, and tells Dewey that his mother would certainly not approve of this diet that would only lead to scurvy.

Much to her chagrin, here's Della chomping on a chili cheese dog, telling Mrs. Beakley to just enjoy this "hooray-cane party". This sets up, yes, another Della-related subplot that was hinted at in "Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!". This is the third one in the span of four episodes, they are really getting out all these Della plots when they can.

This particular subplot is about Della's role as a positive role model for mothers everywhere, a role that Mrs. Beakley will have several opportunities to question in this episode. To Della, she should just let the kids be kids, she should not sweat the small stuff, and other things that Mrs. Beakley suspects she only read off of bumper stickers.

She's only been on this Earth as a mother of three for about the time between this episode and the aforementioned “Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!”, but Della knows everything will be fine.

As for one of the other kids, Huey picked this time, out of all the times he could have possibly picked, to brag about his comprehensive caveduck report that he will eventually submit to the Junior Woodchucks. He could possibly be included in the new edition of the Junior Woodchuck guidebook!

Dewey: My brother's going to be a professional nerd!

Yup, that's basically what he is. Huey could ask the Woodchuck's scoutmaster about it, but Launchpad is too busy boarding the windows in the a way anyone would expect. Scrooge, none too happy with all the broken windows, decides to tell him to check on what Louie is doing. Of course, that green guy is looking rather suspicious, but that seems to be the norm for him. As he walks in the kids' room, he notices some flashing lights right behind the Dewey Dew-Night backdrop, and he notices something amazing.

He finds out that Louie has his own tub! Incredible! They do a few jokes with this, including one where he gets out his rubber ducky, leading Louie to tell him that the Time Tub cannot be used as an actual tub. Launchpad seems a bit too eager to use it as one; maybe I shouldn't think about this too much.

This turns out this is yet another subsidiary of Louie Inc: Time Treasures. So yeah, continuation of one of the plot threads from "The Outlaw Scrooge McDuck!", and a slightly better continuation of a previous episode than the last time. So how does Time Treasures work?

First, he goes back in time with the Time Tub that he definitely didn't steal from Gyro Gearloose, teleporting right where a lost treasure was. Second, he takes it. Third, profit. Hey, if it was never found, it's not stolen! Don't even think about the logistics with this. How would Louie know where all the treasures are if they weren't found by anyone? The episode is not really harmed by this, because it's not like Louie is supposed to be using good logic in this new Louie Inc. strategy, anyway.

As Louie and his new accomplice, er, helper teleport back, this caveman goes up to gawk at these weird people in their half-open rock. He ends up getting teleported, too.

Meanwhile, Dewey sees something outside, and the kids go out and investigate. To the sheer horror of Mrs. Beakley, Della doesn't seem to care that her children and another child has gone out when a dangerous storm is imminent. Even more horrifying...

Dewey: Hey, look, a dead guy!

Oh, classic Dewey.

The dead guy turns out to be the caveduck. Webby and Dewey come up with the idea that he must have been frozen in an iceberg. Webby is still on her steak of wrong assumptions, except for that popcorn one from the previous one. Granted, there was absolutely no way she would know about Louie's shenanigans other than schenanigans being his thing.

Mrs. Beakley does bring up that this caveduck is going to mess up all of time, citing the Butterfly effect. How would she know this caveman was time-displaced at this point? Eventually, she does say there is a "S.H.U.S.H. chrono-protocol" about this, but it seems early for her to suspect this. I also know this is just a setup for a joke where Della is disgusted over Mrs. Beakley suggesting violence to a butterfly, but still.

The kids decide to eventually name him after the one word he can say and rhyme with: Bubba. I'm going to be 100% honest: I don't remember this character's appearances in the original 1987 cartoon. From what I have heard, he wasn't very well liked. If it means anything, I didn't mind this character at all in this episode, so congratulations?

The most he really does is let the sins of the modern world corrupt him, as he will eventually start eating chili dogs and wearing backwards baseball caps! This comes much to the disgust of Huey, who wants to just study the caveduck as he was back in his day. That's basically the whole plot with Bubba, really.

Going back to the other plot, Launchpad is helping Louie with a treasure chest that they have "found", and even he is questioning whether or not this is ethical. Louie shoves him off, saying that it's not stealing if it's from pirates, and there's no way this Louie Inc. subsidiary can have any real side-effects. He also silently hopes there's no way anything can be worse, and he also silently hopes that a bunch of pirates do not get zapped into the Manor.

Suddenly, pirates get zapped into the Manor. Womp womp. Louie admits that that might be one side effect.

After the commercial break, we get a news report, showing that this El Pato storm has combined with a time vortex, turning it into the titular Timephoon.

Roxanne Featherly: The Timephoon has unsurprisingly localized itself above McDuck Manor.

Okay, I love how Roxanne says "unsurprisingly" here. Of course it has to be something involving Scrooge. Everything seems to be to the point where even the people in the universe know this.

Roxanne cuts to the meteorologist who is on the scene, who happens to be Benjamin Franklin. Unfortunately, his reporting on the chronologically confused cyclone is interrupted by his fear of the strange box that is pointing at him. Outside of this scene, we don't get to see what the Timephoon's effects are outside of the McDuck Manor. I get that they probably wanted to save a Duckberg-scaled for the Moonvasion, but it does take a little weight off of the issue of this plot. This is especially egregious considering what will come of this.

Scrooge has one particular idea on what caused this: Launchpad and one of the kids, most likely Louie, used the Time Tub, and the caveduck went with them by accident! But that's just preposterous, because it could be anything according to Louie! He even decides to erase it with his jacket to remove any suspicion that this could be correct.

Della: Louie's right!

Della just agrees with Louie, because she has to trust her kids and she can't just give up her "unwilling to punish her kids" character. Scrooge eventually theorizes that every change in the time stream is causing the storm to get worse, as if the small problem are adding up to one large one. Sort of a Butterfly effect minus the butterfly analogy that grossed Della out. He suggests getting Gyro to help, but Louie says the storm is just too terrible for them to go out and talk to him.

Good news for them, Gyro shows up in the same way the pirates do. The bad news for pretty much everyone is that someone took the Time Tub and has destroyed time and space!

His story begins with him just minding his own business, not cloning an army of himself just as much as Louie says he's not doing anything wrong, when he notices his Time Tub was stolen. The after-blast from the Time Tub got him just as much as it got the caveduck from before, and he went all through time to see what happened.

Louie finally gets a clue, and decides the best course of action is to bring it all back.

Also, Bubba is continuing to enjoy the modern joys of life, while Huey gets angry over all of these chronological inaccuracies. Dewey decides to convince him by saying that maybe his research was wrong. We get the closest DuckTales 2017 will get to a face fault with Huey here; still on-model, but something is still not right with him.

Throughout the episode, more and more people from the past show up to cause trouble, like ninjas that Mrs. Beakley has to deal with. Eventually, a triceratops zaps into the present, giving the caveduck. Eventually, he just does a complete 180 from being accurate to his own research, and says this is awesome. Yeah, that's the B plot. I guess the chaos just got to him.

The chaos just gets worse and worse, as Mrs. Beakley gets zapped into the past, complete with Mrs. Beakley showing up on that painting that first shown Della's existence. More and more, and Louie, who is already trying to fix what he has done, is trying to put everything back together.

It doesn't really take a time scientist to figure out that Louie will eventually fix this all on his own, though it is a situation he ends up being forced into. I was almost expecting him to go into the time tub, go back to when he had this idea, and smack him upside the head, but that's not what he does. That ending would be a little cliched, and it would have been a cop-out.

Instead, Louie decides to aim the shower head at the various time-displaced people, including Bubba and Tootsie, shoots a ray that sends them back into time, and hopes that this will make everything okay. Again, don't think of the logistics with this.

Somehow, this makes the Timephoon just spit out everyone back into the present. Dressed as they are, they came all the way over time, and one of them is going to get the grounding of his life for messing with the timestream! Here's a hint: it's the one that isn't even in a costume.

Della finally decides to put her foot down, and ends up being the only person in the room that doesn't want to instantly forgive Louie for what he did. Della doesn't play by the ordinary cartoon rules, and neither does this cartoon since this grounding may actually last more than a silly ending.

Della: You took off in that contraption, without thinking about the consequences or the people you would hurt!

Louie: (loses any pretense of being apologetic for his actions, rolls his eyes) I wonder where I got that from.

With all the hurt that the Della plot has caused, nobody in-universe has ever really called out Della for getting on the Spear of Selene in the first place until this scene. It seems like everyone here has their own reaction to this, but they can all agree that this is not the time for this. Huh, time.

Oh, and as for Huey's caveduck research, it got rejected because it wasn't realistic.

How does it stack up?

I found it okay for the most part. Some parts were actually really good, too! I debated on whether to give this the same rating as "Happy Birthday, Doofus Drake!", and the ending alone is what puts this episode over the edge of that scale for me.

Next, the joys of the naughty room. The Supernanny kind.

← The Golden Armory of Cornelius Coot! 🦆 GlomTales! →

[clonerightsagenda]

Heeeeeeeeeey, happy Homestuck eve y'all. Over a year ago I wrote something featuring GO!John and ghost!Jade (might’ve been an abandoned Tuesjade prompt?) but never posted it because I prefer not to acknowledge any of that. However I stumbled across it while sifting through my files and thought that, on the off chance it gets Jossed by future events, I might as well post it. So here you go. 

Disclaimer that it is Sad and does not reflect retcon events in a very positive light:

You're not looking for her. That's what you tell yourself. You don't think about the timeline or people you left behind. It's not worth it, and there's no point. But people have been pestering you to go find Terezi, who's been gone for a long time and who hasn't answered her phone in months, and the furthest ring doesn't blend well with your powers. So when you zap away to find what you're missing, you find something else instead.

At first, you've done so well forgetting timelines and alternates that you see her sitting there in full God Tier garb and ask, "Jade? What are you doing here?" 

‘It hit me like a punch to the gut’ is a cliche. But you tell anyone who criticizes your movies that cliches don't happen for no reason. They get repeated because they're true. When your sister turns eyes blank as peeled eggs in your direction, you feel an ache spring up in your stomach and your lungs go empty.

She's sitting on the edge of a wooden stage. The green curtains hanging off its frame are faded and frayed. Brightly colored flowers peel off the backdrops. They look like a child's drawing of her old greehouse. Did she make it herself?

"John!" She scrambles to her feet and launches herself at you. Her hug and her stream of questions would stop your breath if shock hadn't done that already. "Where have you been? We've been looking for you and Roxy and Davesprite and Rose for ages. Have you been hiding somewhere? We thought some of the others might be, but I didn't know why you wouldn't come right back." She talks so fast that you can't think of how to respond, so it's your body that gives you away. She pulls back abruptly and looks into your eyes. Her ears flatten against her skull. "You have a heartbeat," she says.

"Sorry," you say.

Jade backs up a few paces. Her ears still reflect a dog on guard. "I'm sorry for jumping on you like that. You must be from the new timeline. Vriska said there must one out there, because she met a version of herself that was alive." She shakes her head. "I don't know why we were doomed, though. I thought I did everything right."

How are you supposed to tell her it's all your fault? "It's me," you say, to reassure her. "I'm from your timeline. It's just... it gets complicated after that."

"I have a lot of time." Her ears lose a little tension, although they don't stand back up all the way. "Can you stay for a while and tell me?"

Terezi's been missing for a while. She can take care of herself, and you're not having much luck searching anyway. "Sure."

Jade has always been a good listener. She gasps and pats your arm at appropriate intervals in your story as you give her the broad strokes. I got new powers. Everyone died. Terezi told me how to fix it. I did.

"Everyone must be so grateful," she says.

"I guess so? They don't bring it up much." It's hard to be grateful when you don't understand what the alternative is. They don't know the fate they avoided, and you don't want to remember it. 

"It's funny that's what Terezi had you change, and that it worked. I've seen her a few times, and she doesn't like to mention it. But Vriska said the living version of her was really mean."

You've heard similar things in confidence. Besides Terezi, no one much cares if the Thief of Light comes home. "I didn't talk to her for very long. She kind of disappeared after that."

Jade frowns. "Wait... if you're from my timeline... how did that work, since there must have been another version of you?"

You had really, really hoped she wouldn't ask that.

"He died," you say shortly. "A little into the trip. To make room."

She doesn't gasp. Instead she breathes out, a quiet huff as the air leaves her. "How did we take it?"

You look away. "Not we. Dave sprite died too."

Jade doesn't say anything for a long time. She sinks down onto the edge of the stage again, and after a moment you sit down too, with a careful few inches between your shoulders. Hers are trembling.

"I can't even imagine," she says finally. "How am I? How... is she?"

"You're fine."

Her lips press together. "Of course. I'm always fine. I don't know why I asked."

"Have you... seen them?" You'd been reluctant to return to the furthest ring. If you ran into another John, dead at thirteen because of you, you're not sure what you'd say.

"No. And we've looked." Her voice shakes. "We looked so hard."

"It was a big choice the denizens gave us. Maybe..." You drag your foot along the ground. "Maybe they had to be gone all the way."

"It's not fair," she says quietly. And maybe it's because it's Jade saying this - Jade, who raised herself from childhood and put up with all your bullshit and is dead, dead in front of you while you're still breathing - you finally let yourself agree.

"It sucks."

"Will you come back?" she asks when you break your long silence and say you have to go. "You're the only one who remembers traveling together."

Everyone on Earth C has divided themselves up into groups that don't include you. There are only so many hours you can budget to movies or staring at the ceiling. "Sure," you say. "I can do that."

"I told everyone I met you, and people have been asking," she says the next time you visit. "They wanted to know where Roxy, Davesprite, and Rose are. We haven't seen them either."

"Roxy came back from the other timeline with me. Didn't I tell you last time?"

"I don't remember... maybe you did. My thoughts get jumbled a lot out here." She gestures toward the horizon, where enormous tea pots rise out of tangled jungle. With surroundings like this, you're not surprised she could get mixed up. She was always forgetful before. "What about the others?"

You'd only heard about the sprites squared secondhand - they vanished somewhere and haven't been seen since. "They... something weird happened to them. I don't know what's going on with that. But... I'd tell people not to expect them any time soon."

She bites her lip and nods. "Kanaya's not going to like hearing that."

"Sorry." An enameled cat painted on two stories of ceramic regards you accusingly. "I get Dave sprite a lot more now. I wish I could've told him that."

Jade doesn't look at you. "I don't remember the last thing I said to him. None of us were talking much by the end, and you don't think about that kind of thing when you see someone every day. There's always tomorrow."

You don't remember what you said to the people from your timeline either. You could change it - you can go anywhere in time and space, teleport right in and tell them, This is what you mean to me. This is what I want you to know. But what would be the point?

"I do know the last thing I said to Rose, though," Jade continues. "I still have all our conversations saved in Pesterchum. I reread them sometimes during our trip. I spent three whole years thinking of how I'd say hello."

"You never said hi?" You had briefly. Rose had wanted you to tell Roxy something. What had her message been? 

"No. First I was evil, and then I was dead."

"I don't know what you said in the new timeline, but you did meet then. Obviously."

She nods. "At least all of you could be happy."

Are all of you happy? You think of Terezi, still missing in the void looking for someone who's never coming back. You think about you. "Yeah," you say. "At least there's that."

Your visits get more frequent. After long breaks, the gap between your ages is too jarring. You're taller than her now. Were you really that young when you played the game?

She offers to bring Dave to say hi once, but you turn her down. "I could hang out with Dave on Earth if I wanted to," you say. "Although he hangs out a lot more with Karkat. They're dating, isn't that weird?"

"Not really. He spends most of his time with the trolls here. I see Jake more than I see him."

"I mean, because he's a boy."

One of her ears flicks back. "I never understood why people got so hung up on things like that. I never saw the difference."

"Wait, are you saying you would date a girl?"

She shrugs. "Maybe in another life."

You had another life, and it doesn't have much to recommend itself. It's your first one you revisit now. It's funny. When you were on the Prospitian battleship, all you wanted was to get off of it. You didn't think you were having any fun. So where are all these good memories coming from? The two of you sit together and revisit them. Remember when we made dinner together that first night? you'll ask each other. Remember when Nanna baked us all birthday cakes and we made wishes when we blew out the candles? Remember, remember, remember?

You haven't told any of the others about this. They wouldn't care - this isn't "their" Jade, after all - but also you want something of your own. Jade covers her mouth when you tell her about Rose and Kanaya's wedding and asks you to congratulate them for her. You explain your living sister spends a lot of time away exploring other worlds. One day you bring her a photo Jade sent you a little after her twentieth birthday of herself on an alien planet. Jade stares at it for a long time before handing it back and saying "So that's what I would've looked like if I'd grown up."

Sometimes you just sit quietly in each other's company. You don't tell her that you barely speak to anyone back on Earth, that you feel like all your friends are actors played by people who aren't doing a very good job, and if you push a tree too hard it'll fall over and reveal itself to be painted plywood like something out of the Twilight Zone. You don't say that for every year your dead sister, forever sixteen, doesn't show, you feel like you're carrying twice that weight, and that even though you're a Breath player, it's getting harder and harder to breathe. You don’t share that Caliborn has been bothering you for a rematch, and you’re thinking maybe you should take him up on it. It'd be nice to have a problem you can hit again. Maybe the others would want to come. It could be as close to old times as you’re going to get.

"Do you think I made the right decision?" you ask one day to break the silence.

She looks at you. She's realized you hate seeing her blank eyes and usually keeps her gaze averted. The sight still makes you flinch. "Oh John," she says. "I don't know."

"This timeline is because of me. I should have found a better way, a way everyone could've been ok. But I just... took orders. That's all I ever do. I take orders and get people hurt." It's hard to force the words out. They wobble and crack, but you don't cry. You won't cry. "I'm sorry. I never wanted things to turn out this way." The last bit is hardest. If you say it out loud, will all the stage dressings of the world you go back to fall down? Will the actors playing your friends believe you think they're not worth what you did? "I think I made a mistake."

"It's ok," she says.

"It's not ok." Your voice rises, and for the first time in years you feel heat prickling at your eyelids. "I was just trying to fix things." Your hands flicker with blue-white light and you know you could keep trying, go back to reset things again and again like a gamer angling for a high score, but you'll never get back that first life you lost. There's no way to win without leaving a million dead ends in your wake. Or if there was, you weren't good enough to find it. "All I was ever trying to do was save you."

[themurphyzone]

Oneshot: Perry the Pomeranian

AU of Got Game? where Perry is a human. Yes, this is the episode where Heinz entered Perry into a dog show. 

Heads up: This whole scenario is a bit less innocent when two people are involved. I’m not really sure what to tag this as to be honest, If you think I should tag something please let me know, because some of this leans a bit towards roleplay. There will be lots of awkwardness and embarrassing situations! 

He didn’t get paid enough for this. 

Perry dragged himself into his seat for mission briefing, exhausted from climbing several long flights of stairs. Of course the elevator was broken. And just when he thought his equipment was in good shape that week. 

Major Monogram was already onscreen. He raised an eyebrow, and Perry slowly corrected his posture to make it look like he was paying the utmost attention. 

“There you are, Agent P. Sorry about the stairs, our elevator maintenance guy is on a corporate retreat with our slide-waxing guy,” Major Monogram stated. 

Liar. He didn’t sound sorry.  

“Anyway, our intelligence tells us that Doofenshmirtz has been shopping around for a show dog. We need you to infiltrate the pet store and uncover his evil plan. Carl, send him the mission outfit.” 

“Sending!” Carl exclaimed from offscreen. 

A containment unit rose from the ground, revealing a fuzzy ginger and cream onesie. A headband with floppy ears was attached to the front. 

Perry hated this mission already. 

“Anyway, I'm goin' home early. It's taco night. Ha-ha!” Monogram laughed. 

The screen faded to black. 

Perry folded the onesie, stuffing it beneath his coat so he could smuggle it into the house. 

And to smuggle it into the house, he needed to climb the stairs. 

The super-long, super-exhausting staircase of absolute madness. 

Perry sighed. 

The owner of the My Little Doggies pet store didn’t notice Perry slip in. She didn’t even question why there was an enormous Pomeranian by the front window. 

Perry had snagged a spare dog cushion and taken a spot where he would easily be visible to people coming in. Since most of the customers were only buying supplies for pets they already owned, Perry didn’t need to discourage them from purchasing him. 

He had to consciously resist wrinkling his nose at the idea of being purchased. 

He couldn’t smudge the makeup he’d borrowed from Linda’s kit. It took way too long to smear a passable imitation of a dog nose on his face. 

“Yes, I'm looking for a purebred show dog,” a familiar voice said. 

He must’ve missed Heinz coming in. Perry sat up to make himself more noticeable. This entire mission hinged on making himself appealing enough for Heinz to buy. 

“Well, we have various award-winning breeds to choose from,” the owner replied, gesturing to several dogs in their kennels. 

Heinz glanced over each of them, frowning when none of the canines seemed to meet his criteria. He opened his mouth to ask the owner another question, but paused the moment he saw Perry. 

“Ooh! What about him?” Heinz gasped, grinning madly as he tore across the room to where Perry was sitting. 

Perry kept his face impassive as Heinz’s long fingers stroked underneath his chin. 

Heinz wasn’t rough at all. His fingers were practically dancing across Perry’s skin. 

“He's perfect! Coochie-coochie-coo!” Heinz squealed as he tickled the faux fur on Perry’s chest. “You’re Doctor D's precious little puppy, aren't you?” 

Perry rolled his eyes. 

Heinz really needed to work harder on his evil credibility. 

“Sir, I'm not even sure if that's a dog,” the owner protested. She peered at Perry’s teal hair suspiciously. 

Perry froze. She’d blow his cover if he didn’t do something to make her believe he was a real dog! 

What would a real dog do? 

Perry’s eyes fell on a terrier who was sniffing a chihuahua’s butt. 

New question. What would a real dog do that would leave about seventy percent of his dignity intact? 

An idea finally came to him. 

He rolled onto his back, completely exposing his belly. It was risky to be in such a vulnerable position, but this would aid his goal in the long run. Heinz made a strange noise in the back of his throat, taking the invitation to vigorously rub Perry’s stomach. 

Perry kept a hand on his headband to make sure it stayed in place. Fortunately, Heinz seemed to view this as a cute gesture. 

“He loves belly rubs, and that’s good enough for me,” Heinz told the owner. “I get a big alimony check every month, so money's no object.” 

The owner rubbed her hands in glee. “In that case, he’s ten thousand dollars.” 

Once the transaction was completed, Heinz returned to nuzzling Perry. “Aw, who’s a little cutie? You are, yes you are!” he cooed. 

Perry turned his head away from Heinz so the makeup on his nose didn’t smudge from the face nuzzles he was receiving. 

Heinz broke off the nose-to-nose contact with a wicked grin. “You’re my ticket into the Danville Dog Show. Together, we’ll make them pay for all I’ve suffered.” 

Ah, a backstory scheme and not an eliminate-the-annoyance scheme. 

“Back when I was just a little schtumpel, my father came home with a brand-new spitzenhound puppy that he won in a game of Poke the Goozim With a Stick,” Heinz narrated.  “My father said the dog was like the son he never had...and named him Only Son.” 

Perry winced. Heinz didn’t notice and stroked him absentmindedly. 

“Only Son became an award-winning show dog, bringing my father fame and fortune, while I was forced to be the lawn gnome. You remember that story with my neighbor Kenny?” 

Perry tensed. Heinz was terrible with disguises! Why did today have to be the day Heinz recognized him? 

“ I don't have to go through...okay,” Heinz said. He straightened up, and Perry hesitated, unwilling to follow him off the cushion. He couldn’t scuff up his hands and knees by crawling around like a baby. It would be absolute murder on his back too. 

But at least his previous worry was unfounded. Heinz had already changed the topic. 

“To recap, my entire fragile self-esteem is totally dependent on your performance today at the dog show. You know, no pressure,” Heinz said as he exited the store. Realizing that Perry wasn’t following him, he frowned. “The dog show is that way.” 

“Sir, the city has leash laws,” the owner piped up. She clipped a red leash to Perry’s collar before handing the other end to Heinz. “That’ll be ten dollars.” 

“Extortionist,” Heinz muttered. He tossed a crumpled bill into her hand and stormed off, only to be tugged back by Perry’s refusal to budge. “Time’s a-wastin’, Puffy! You know what? I’m totally calling you that now. Puffy the Pomeranian has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” 

Perry balked. Anyone who chose to name another living being ‘Puffy’ was pure evil. 

A leash was sort of like a trap, right? Heinz had restrained him with more uncomfortable things before. 

Heinz smirked, as if that had been his brilliant plan along. 

Having enough, Perry decided to throw caution to the wind. He stood up and followed Heinz out the store, causing the owner to swoon and faint from the shock. 

“Oh, cool!” Heinz exclaimed. “You can do that bipedal thing like a secret agent! No idea where you learned that, but that gives us a leg up on the competition!” 

Perry allowed Heinz to take the lead, walking behind him at a comfortable pace. 

“So yesterday I was watching Ambivalence,” Heinz said. “It’s this show where the couple has this weird relationship and they’re constantly bickering over the most trivial things. Like who argues over how many chocolate chips you can put into a freshly baked cookie? Does anyone ever count those things? So in the latest episode, Troy was revealed to be an ancient Greek warrior who was flung into the future by Aphrodite and cursed so that he never could hold on to a romantic relationship again. Then again, it was obvious in hindsight. All the guy ever checked out at the library were books on classical mythology.” 

Intrigued, Perry didn’t interrupt him as Heinz explained the subtler bits of foreshadowing. He’d have to check out the show in his spare time. 

“No, no! It’s Heinz Doofenshmirtz!” Heinz snapped. “You know, rhymes with hurts!” 

“Heinz Doofenshultz?” 

“Doof. En. Shmirtz,” Heinz drawled each syllable. 

The attendant at registration raised an eyebrow. “I see,” she finally said. “Heinz Doofenshmidt, entering your bich…”

Perry prayed some random invention would fall from the sky on top of her, but that only worked when the person verbally invoking fate wasn’t expecting it.

“…on frise.”

“Puffy’s a Pomeranian,” Heinz retorted. “Not a Belgian freeze or whatever you just said.” 

“Isn’t he a little bipedal to be a Pomeranian?” the attendant asked.

“Yes, yes he is. So are we in now?” 

“Yeah, fine. You’re in the toy breed section.”  

The attendant quickly handed him a slip, obviously wanting Heinz to stop holding up the line. 

Oblivious to the angry glares he was receiving from the people behind him, Heinz marched off with Perry in tow. 

While the other competitors paraded their obedient dogs around for the judges, Perry watched Heinz for any signs of evildoing. 

“Don't worry about your lack of training and experience, because I have an ace in the hole!” Heinz exclaimed, pulling out a ray gun from his lab coat pocket. “Behold! The Misbehave-inator! It, Does what the name implies. Watch this!”

He zapped a poodle, who took a large chomp out of his handler’s arm. Other dogs quickly followed suit, and soon the arena was filled with screams as dogs filled the arena with holes and demanded subjugation from the humans. 

“Nothing can stop us now!” Heinz cackled. 

Taking that as his cue, Perry wrapped both of his hands around Heinz’s arm and threw him to the ground, forcing him to drop the Misbehave-inator. Perry snatched the device, then sprinted over to a rope that was attached to the upper level of the convention center. 

“Hey, what was all that about?” Heinz demanded, slightly dazed from the force of Perry’s throw. 

Perry ripped off the headband and replaced it with his fedora. 

“Perry the Pomeranian?” 

Rolling his eyes, Perry ripped off the Pomeranian suit, glad to finally be rid of it. Good thing he’d worn his blue collared shirt and brown slacks underneath. 

“Perry the Platypus!” Heinz yelped. He ducked his head, refusing to make eye contact with Perry. A blush spread across his face until his head vaguely resembled a misshapen tomato. “I named you ‘Puffy’...with the whole leash thing...and the cootchie-cootchie-coo stuff too, and...oh man, this isn’t being televised is it? Wait, were you wearing your normal suit under the Pomeranian outfit the entire time? Weren’t you hot with all those layers?” 

Leaving the question unanswered, Perry ascended the rope with the Misbehave-inator in hand. 

“Hey, bring back my Misbehave-inator!” Heinz shrieked. Perry felt the rope tighten as Heinz pursued him. “And you have some explainin’ to do, Mr. I Let My Nemesis Walk Me Around the City on a Leash Because I Have a Complete Disregard for His Evil Reputation!” 

Perry grabbed hold of the landing skid on a low-flying helicopter, smirking as he made his escape with the Misbehave-inator. Then something clamped down on his leg, and Perry quickly held the Misbehave-inator out of Heinz’s evil clutches. 

The device fired yellow beams all over the place as they grappled for control. Finally, Heinz threw himself across Perry��s chest in a last-ditch effort. But the helicopter shifted upwards, throwing Heinz off-balance when he overshot his desired prize. 

Heinz fell through the roof of the My Little Doggies store and landed in a dog kennel. 

Karma had never felt so good before. 

Many months later....

“Happy birthday, Perry the Platypus!” Heinz shouted, popping out from behind his couch. Of course, Perry knew he was there since stealth wasn’t Heinz’s strong suit, but he still pretended to be surprised. 

And it wasn’t actually his birthday, but everybody just seemed to pick a random day to celebrate it anyway, so he was used to it. 

Heinz slid a present over to him, unable to stop twitching as Perry carefully unwrapped the bow and opened the box. 

Inside was an exact replica of the Pomeranian suit he’d worn for the Misbehave-inator mission.

Heinz grinned innocently. “What? Ginger and cream really complements your skin tone!”