#none of the thoughts i am thinking right now are in the bible

[actual-changeling]

everyone is lusting over david tennant in his black suits but this is my roman empire, she is for the lesbians and the lesbians only and this picture has changed my brain chemistry forever

[aphidclan-clangen]

you don't have to post this, but I thought it would be funny!!!

Nimblekit: I just scream a lot... I just, scream... a lot

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Goldshine: With all due respect, which is none,

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Sparkspeckle: You know how someone can say “I respectfully disagree”? What about “I disrespectfully agree” for when you hate someone but they are unfortunately correct.

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Shadebreak: I am always up for potential rule breaking.

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Goldshine: Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself, I do it regularly.

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Nimblekit: 80% of people are actually ugly because of their face, you know.

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Pearlstar: Trans people? In my clan? It’s more likely than you think.

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Blisswhistle: For the last time, you can’t die of adhd.

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Sparkspeckle: You can do whatever you want forever :D

Stormwhisper: I love you, but that is not helpful.

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Stormwhisper, too nervous to ask for emotional support: Man, it smells like wrongdog in here.

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Gravel: Aren’t you like 5’2?

Firebeetle: I self identify as tall.

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Pearlstar: Every day my joints are shocked and disgusted that I would use them for their intended purpose.

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Sparkspeckle: You can never lose an argument if you say “shut up nerd” at the end.

Icesheep: Yes you can.

Sparkspeckle: Shut up nerd.

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Goldshine: In my defense, your honor, I simply do not care enough.

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Nimblekit: Your honor, in my defense, who cares like omfgggggggg who cares????????? Like come onnn.

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Skykit: Are you a girl or a boy?

Shadebreak: Uhh, well some people aren’t girls or boys!

Skykit: Wow, just like snails...

Shadebreak: ???

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Straight Man: Hey

Titania: That’s enough.

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Lilacpaw: I respect perfume commercials being like, we can’t show you a smell, mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds?

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Shadekit: Hey we are all really small, do you wanna sleep in a pile.

Icekit, Stormkit and Sparkkit: Yes.

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Blisswhistle: “Fuck it, we ball” (Malnourished, heavy eye bags, dehydrated, on the verge of insanity.)

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Goldshine: Evil infodumping where you just tell lies.

Sparkspeckle: Tiktok

Icesheep: 5-minute crafts

Shadebreak: Resume

Stormwhisper: Men

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Nimblekit: I fucking hate the hand that feeds me, I think i’ll do something fucked up to it.

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Nimblekit: Sick injury bro, would be a shame if i added insult to it.

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Pearlstar: I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there fr.

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Gravel: I wish they sold offbrand cars, get me a damn honder.

Firebeetle: Pulling up in the revolver.

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Shadebreak: When two buses pass each other and the bus drivers don’t wave at each other, like omg... did you guys break up...

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Blisswhistle: I can still crack a joke mid-breakdown, that’s why everyone is lucky to have me in their lives.

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Gravel: They don’t kill the presidents like they used to.

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Berrykit: The LMAO+ community.

Nimblekit: It’s LMFAO+ this is party rock erasure.

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Sparkspeckle: It’s harder than you think to communicate with someone who isn’t familiar with the world of spongebob.

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Goldshine: Pipe down your honor, you weren’t even there.

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Goldshine: JFK?? Like from umbrella academy?? Haha... you know he’s not... real, right?

Stormwhisper: Wait, I though JFK was from clone high??

Sparkspeckle: JFK, as in Jesus Fucking Khrist, from the bible?

Icesheep: Isn’t JFK that fried chicken fast food chain.

Shadebreak: Guys cmon, it’s Jennedy Fennedy Kennedy, you gotta know this.

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Goldshine: Mfs be named “James” and it only be one dude.

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Nimblekit: Does violence have to be the last resort, can’t it be like third.

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Lilacpaw: Free my man, he did all of it but I don’t care.

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Pearlstar: Let me get this straight. Grabs the nearest heterosexual. Now, where were we. (He is holding nobody)

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Blisswhistle: I’m so done with self care, it’s time for others harm.

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Shadebreak: Fun fact. Shut the fuck-

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Sparkspeckle: Nuh uh

Icesheep: FYM “NUH UH”???

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-⚡ anon

Genuinely made me laugh, I love these

[alpineshift]

okay, I have no idea how coherent this is going to be, so bear with me, but here are my thoughts on jealous!Jack...

first and foremost, we must set the scene. I think my favorite thing about Devils games is that Nico is always finding himself in a situation. This is really due to the fact that he's always net front, always going into the dirty spaces, always in the midst of puck battles, and isn't afraid to use his skating ability to outsmart an opponent.

I'm thinking specifically of these moments: Exhibit A, Exhibit B, Exhibit C.

and I'm just imagining Jack either on the ice or on the bench watching things like this happen all game, every game. Like Nico's a one man charm offensive right and he doesn't this turn this charm off on the ice or off the ice, and so Jack day in, day out, is not only seeing his own teammates fall all over themselves trying to impress Nico or get a head pat from Nico, but the media who are also a little bit in love with him, and now also dudes from other teams.

and you add this to Jack's mile long praise kink, and you get Jack being Jack and then all of his cellies especially from the 2022-2023 season involve him making sure to get his hugs/pats/praise/love from Nico. he loves that attention and he wants to make sure everyone out there knows that although Nico may be a charm machine, its Jack who Nico belongs to and vice versa.

casual possessive hand on Nico's number, skipping the celly line to go straight to Nico and then getting cockblocked by Colin Miller, casual possessive bear paws around Nico in the singles corner of a team photo, scooching across the bench to get his head pats

just love the idea of like Jack needing to balance the fact that he knows Nico is the Captain and he knows Nico needs to make time for all of the Devs boys, but Jack also wants his Nico all to himself.

and Nico always indulges him. every time Jack uses his stick to get Nico's attention, on the bench, during a celly, during a conference before a face off, after a game, any time Jack wants Nico's attention, Nico will always give it. its a symbiotic relationship.

but basically, everyone's a little bit in love with Nico right. like look at him. and look at how everyone in the league interacts with him. everyone's definitely a little in love with Nico, and Jack knows Nico only has eyes for him, but it does drive him a little bit bat shit that all of these people are constantly getting put under a spell by Nico's dimples and his cow eyes.

there's also this silly little headcanon I had back when Timo first joined the team last season about how Jack maybe felt a type of way about another guy joining the team that Nico has history/shared life experience with. maybe Jack decides to learn Swiss for like five minutes to try to understand what Timo and Nico are laughing about in Swiss German all the time.

I dunno, there's a lot going on in my noggin about this. its my absolute favorite because like Jack was THE boy at the USNTDP and everyone kind of circles around him and he's a first overall and on the Devils, the team, the media, the narratives circle around him. and you put that together with the magnetic pull of one Nico Hischier and oh boy whats Jack's brain doing now huh?

this is getting far too long, so I'm gonna just shut up now, very sorry for like word vomiting in your ask box, ahahaha!

trust me I have SO many thoughts about this. so many.

the way I am CHOWING DOWN on this...help me...I literally went and made myself a tea so I could tuck in and unspool your ask in its full glory. THANK YOU. this is my jealous jack bible now LOL

reading this has made me realize Nico is basically a capybara LOL. chill, cute, friend shaped, minds his own biz, universally beloved and makes buddies across all animal kingdoms. none of us are immune to the Nico CharmTM, least of all hockey players, least of all jack hughes. that backhug picture of them from the team gathering gets me every time. I love to see it.

the layers are there and they are so endearing. I'm living for your Timo headcanon bc I recently had the experience of seeing a Timo pic on the devil's social media and went "oh whoa holy shit he's good looking" so I can project this feeling onto Jack, who's torn between wow he's good looking to him and nico are real close and idk how to feel about that levels of internal conflict. meanwhile those two are just gabbing on about absolutely nothing of importance hfnshffn.

I love that you shared all this with me!! thank you!! I too can go on for days daydreaming of the lore and the webs and the intricacies!! come back whenever you want and leave more charming nuggets in my inbox ❤️

[mintmillipede]

things i noticed in the good omens 2 opening title sequence part 1

i watched this frame by frame and have had many thoughts. i'll put things which are interpretation or my perspective in purple. feel free to watch along whilst you read if you haven't seen it yet.

also couple of disclaimers which u may feel free to skip: i grew up with chrisitan iconography but am not christian but because of that i know more about that perspective of abrahamic texts so keep that in mind! i'm using guy as a vibe more than a gender but am happy to take criticism on that bc i'm not sure myself yet. also i haven't looked at any other analyses because i want this to be like a fun little puzzle so apologies for overlap/missing things/being wrong. ok enjoy!

ok, scene 1. mountain range, not sure which one but it could be a biblical reference? so possibly judaean mountains but that is a big stretch. aziraphale is coming down from the heavens whilst crowley emerges from a glowing orange crater, which looks a lot like hell especially with the context later in the intro.

they emerge behind a rock into scene 2 into a tunnel and crowley lights a match with his hell powers? this actually interests me because why use a match if you have fire powers? perhaps he's conserving miracles.

scene 3: we don't actually see them emerge from the tunnel, they're seen up ahead later. we start with an animal's skull in the foreground, and i think it's a ram. there's other ram skeletal remains later and there are various rams eating on the hills. from stage right enters: a delivery guy. they've got a delicate package. it's giving me like holy land vibes? idk i grew up christian and it's like christian movie landscape to me.

anyway the delivery guy is trailing behind a figure all in black who is almost camouflaged in the murky landscape. there's also a tree by them which i think is a mustard seed tree!!! there's a parable about it and it's the vibe of starting from small beginnings like the small little mustard seed grows into a tree which birds chill on.

the figure in black is following a couple of steps behind aziraphale and crowley, and they pass a little ram on a rock which has a fleece which reddens. rams were often used as sacrifices in the old testament and probably in other abrahamic texts. not a good omen.

a raven is on a cart with bags which look like they are full of coin. they are having a little snack. this may be about matthew 6:26 where jesus basically says don't worry so much about money look god's feeding the ravens (sometimes translated as birds in general) and they suck (bc they are seen as unclean maybe because they eat carcasses) and you're better than them. it's like god cares for fucking ravens so he's gonna care for you sinners. also they're omens of death. this will be important very shortly.

there's also some real funky looking birds with four legs on the mountain and those were not in the bible (/j idk if they are or not but i couldn't remember them and i feel like i would have). and the paths on the mountains are scrolls, suggesting maybe that the world around them is literally made of scripture.

crowley sets fire to a little bb ram and now they're all on fire it's very mean of him. no i am not colouring that in purple. i think in this context it might be to cleanse the sins of humanity?

scene 4! finally ok immediately wtf aziraphale why are you secretly a lamp??? my bf thinks this is a supernatural show so i looked it up to spite him and there's a bunch of references to lamps in the torah and talmud but bc english-speaking christians can't be bothered to learn hebrew or greek the bible has the most direct reference i could find: 'the spirit of man is the lamp of the lord'

also crowley is a vibe! not sure what gender she's presenting as here but i'm hazarding a guess as femme. blue has a bunch of meanings but none i was sure about, but i saw a bunch of references to the sky. the funky guy behind him does have a human face with a helmet of black hair i think and is carrying something big that i cannot make out. the person in front of them is giving zombie and they are in a graveyard and there's more context later imo for that being accurate.

going stage left, we have another aziraphale and crowley, not in disguise. if i had to guess, these would be muriel and another new ally who are disguised as them to take the heat off of them. i think.

everyday on a gravestone? could be a reference to the song everyday by buddy holly which has been used in promo so far. it's a song about working up the courage to ask someone out... which could signify a development in aziraphale and crowley's relationship but also could signify something coming in the plot relating to heaven/hell. on a gravestone, the song could reference the fast approach of death. could be a combo of these things too. or could be none! i am no oracle. or am i...

at the back, a bucket of pickled herring is being transported by a skrungly little guy. pickled herring does have links to jewish culture but we know there's a pickled herring scene in edinburgh which maybe more suggests scottish fishing culture (not that the two are mutually exclusive of course). the guy travelling alongside the cart with a goth vibe has a shovel suggesting he's a gravedigger.

jane austen! suggests some of her themes popping up in the show but also suggests they're around winchester cathedral, and it does look like they're going into a building but it looks more like a crypt/mausoleum to me. i tried to find more information about a building like this in winchester but i was looking on ecosia and thus found nothing.

here lies the former shell of beelzebub is a canon reason for the change of actors, but here lies adam?!?!??! i know time could have just passed, but it's still mean!!!!! maybe it's a different adam?

scene 5! i think they've entered down a secret passageway in the crypt - you can see some coffins there and i think the masonry fits well enough. we've got some more people following behind the ones who are dressed like azi and crowley. it's a bit too blurry but i've spotted a few who could be aziraphale in disguise as the odd lantern is gone - i think though he is dressed as the gravedigger now as the original gravedigger seems to have changed their garb. a few more could be crowley although crowley's original form with the blue headscarf is still there. the figure in white near the front gives me undead vibes. helmet hair guy is more visible now. we've got someone holding a lantern near the back who is a vibe (could be religious or in some way guiding the souls of the dead). they're followed by a real funky looking guy who i think is wearing a mask??? hard to tell

ok so so so there is so much around them. skeletons and gravestones suggest we're still in a cemetery. if you look on the left, it's the box the delivery guy from the beginning had!!! so many thoughts about this. mentions of a delivery are everywhere. this box is in the recent prime insta post with angel and demon feathers emerging from it. basically this is very very important, so how did it end up here? was the delivery guy buried with this on his body?

we see a web. we'll come back to that!

little feature i like the skull we see has a backbone and a ribcage which is a vibe

scene 6! a lot of ppl too many to talk about in full but def some skeletons. i think religious figures. there's a cool looking punk? too many things so many stimuli. anyway i think this is a crowd of undead people being led into hell to assist on a mission. why just the undead?

they're exiting something that looks like the crypt they came in from, suggesting it's a secret entrance to hell. might this be where hastur met crowley in season 1?

we've got a big wheel which looks like it's used for some kind of pulley contraption imo, but i don't think it would be for the guillotine unless they wanted to adapt the guillotine somehow, perhaps automate it? big stretch

we've got the pyres of files and computers and office chairs. this is a metaphor for capitalism sucking balls.

web! like before. ok so theories perhaps it's a metaphor showing the web of all of the connecting entrances. perhaps it's a big magic hell thing drawing power from everywhere to its centre. perhaps hell listens to people from webs. maybe demons can travel through webs? idk maybe one of these is 25% right. also later we see a spooder so maybe she has laid eggs?

oooh mysterious fire cave. mayb that's where satan is chilling. the inverted pentacle's outside of it. could also be the government of sorts. my boyf thinks it looks like a skeletal face in a witch hat and i think he is festering with lies.

leetle dragon gargoyle!!!! i love her she can do no wrong

i like to think we see the different stages of their headquarters. the castle was the first, the grey building is the current/s1 one, and the blueish lighting is coming from what they're upgrading to. this may also be why there's the pyres of stuff: they're doing a little clear out!

also the crushed metally thing in the foreground... i don't want to say it's the bentley.............. so i will not i refuse to be devastated before the show has even begun

scene 7: we come out of the stairs leading up to the public loos by liberty's london which is right next to soho, the implication being that that's another entrance to hell which is in fact true irl. the old-timey underground logo (probs oxford circus) suggests we're not in present day (so maybe adam is fine! or maybe they're time travelling?) which suggests we're in the blitz (ww2) because of the barrage balloon and the aircrafts. this is also suggested by the old routemaster bus.

ok we're up to 0:33! coffee break meet back in like a day i did not expect this trailer ok i have things to pretend to do

[hughiecampbelle]

Numen (Roman Roy Oneshot)

Character/s: Roman

Word Count: 1,299

Requested: Can you do Roman with the “I’m in love with my best friend ” trope, but there’s a boyfriend or whoever is in the way, with a happy ending? - anon

Inspired By: Born To Die by Lana Del Ray

Tag: @locke-writes

A/N: Am I so nervous I want to barf? Perhaps lol. I miss my old writing style, so I'm trying it out again. Is it any good? I think so. I really love it. Will you? I hope so. It's heavily inspired by the songs which I love. I'd love to know what you think my loves!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

You used to think He could save you. That He was your salvation, your savior, your God. That if you prayed, if you repent, if you bow to your knees till they bleed that you might be worthy enough for Him. He liked the gruesome way your spine bent as you prayed, the spokes sharp, bloody. All of them, your whole life, spent their every waking breath berating you. Your posture, your mind, your beauty. Too little, too much. He was perfection, proof of God, Godlike in his own right. He was powerful and pretty and he knew it. He knew that a moment of His attention would keep them calling. Pews filled so that they might hear His word, so that they might stand in His light. You thought if you shared in that light, if you basked in the glow, then you might be holy. You might be worthy. Divine. It’s been years now, those rosary beads around your neck like a string of pearls. The burning cross embedded in your skin where they cannot see, for His eyes only. You sleep between hymns, exhausted, stuck, unsure of who you are without His wisdom, wondering how you got so lost in the first place. This is not a happy marriage. This is not a religion or a calling, it is a trap. It has been from the very beginning. The halo He wears is a cheap knockoff. Faux. His bible is full of false numbers and a god complex, an inflated ego. You plead to Him every night, but He rarely listens. To them, His fans, the men and women who throw themselves on to him, they are His people. They are His angels. His disciples. You have spent your entire relationship doting on him, preserving his happiness, his every word, and yet you still aren’t enough. You are a mere mortal. You always have been. There is no eternity between you. You were born to die. 

He sees you again, for the first time in a long time. You’ve got this light about you, this gentleness. Every move, every word, out of a film. Out of the bible. Your laugh is proof of divinity. As if no time has passed. Your Roman, those big puppy-dog eyes speckled with gold, with joy. You’re not sure how you wander away from Him, not that He seems to notice, but his grasp around your hand loosense. He speaks sweetly to someone far younger, someone looking for a philosopher to worship. Your arms find their way around Roman. He doesn’t shrink away as he does to so many others. He does not flinch or wince or limp like a wounded animal. He finds his place with you, in your golden aura, holding you so tight, holding his own breath. The drink in his hand remains unsteady, shaking, but only out of excitement, out of relief. If you could remain that way for the rest of time you would. You are the first to pull away, then close again, needing him, needing this. He smells the same. Crème vanille. Sickeningly sweet, sugary. Familiar. Nostalgic. Your head finds his shoulder and everyone else in the house has disappeared. Only you and him, how it should have always been. He is blushing now, just like he did when you were kids. 

You don’t say anything for a while, instead leading him through the crowd out towards the balcony. They are only here for him anyways. You have never mattered to them, his followers. You are an obstacle, you are a burden, a non-believer, something  in their way of gaining true enlightenment. He follows obediently, taking in your home. Grand, creme colored, dull. None of it feels like a home. None of it feels like a place you could grow old. He will never grow old. His looks have barely changed since you met. They are infinite. You can see the lines around your eyes deepen already. Oh well. You take his glass and sip from it, a habit you have yet to break from childhood. He is full of questions. How many years has it been since you’ve seen one another? Too many, you think, though he has yet to change. You smile despite yourself. Your first love, your mortal friend, here beside you, looking at you, taking you all in, as if you are an angel before him. No one has looked at you like this in a long time. You want to soak it in.You grow shy in his presence, thirteen again, afraid to show him your scars before he showed you his. Matching childhoods. Matching neglect. This was something He could never understand. The slam of a door, the cold silence, the cruel way He looks at you, much like your father, like his. He has lived lifetimes before you and will long after you. You are a moment in his story, a name, but not for long. To Roman, you are everything. You are the whole religion. 

You catch yourself laughing, really laughing, your hands on his chest. It’s an odd sound to hear after so long. Foreign. He is all nervous smiles and fond eyes. He never takes them off you. Not when He makes a toast with one of them at his side, where you should be, drunken hands wandering where they shouldn’t. Not when He disappears. Not when He is in your bed with them. You tell him everything. Every secret, every shame, every single thing despite it being sacreligious. He doesn’t know what to say. Neither do you. What have you done? You can feel it already, their wrath. Not only his followers, his disciples, but your blood as well. How furious they’d be if they knew what you were doing, who you were turning to. You excuse yourself, but he grabs on to you, his grip fierce, the expression on his face serious, dark. He can’t let you go. Not now, not ever again. He could be a God, but god could he give you all the happiness you ever deserved. He could give you the life you always wanted. Not the begging, the pleading, the fighting. No more screaming. No more mass. No more eyes following, criticizing, scrutinizing. A home full of laughter, of memories, of a love you haven’t felt since you last saw him. This? What was this? A fancy house, with fancy strangers and bad booze. It was clear from the moment he saw you: you were miserable. 

Trapped. The ring burns around your finger, a reminder. You promised yourself to Him, and He did the same, but only one of you has followed through with those vows. I can’t, you say. You can’t leave him. You can’t leave this life. This coven. You have flown too close to the sun. to leave would be admitting defeat. You already have, he says, and you realize he’s right. Years you spent devoted to Him, your marriage, your future. He never intended for there to be a future. He never wanted you in the first place. Deals were made, arrangements decided, a ring from His grandmother. You were nothing more than a signature on a contract, a sum of money, an adopted surname. You converted. You sang every song and worshiped every stupid fucking word and still you were not good enough. Still he chooses them over you. Still you are the imperfect child your father hated, the same broken person Roman has spent every day since you met loving. Falling for you over and over again. If you don’t go with him now, if you don’t leave Him, you will never get the chance to again. You will never leave. You have to. How can you say no to him?

[hypersomniagame]

HYPERSOMNIA JULY DEV LOG : “LIKE MOTHER LIKE SON”

Yeah baby, none of that "If you're new here" stuff anymore! This is dev log #6! If you're new here read anyways, because if you're reading this you probably know what HYPERSOMNIA is. If not though, then welcome! Let me show you what I've been working on this month!

BUT BEFORE THAT!

If you didn't know, the MOTHER DIRECT is TOMORROW! (Which is why I'm writing this on Friday instead of Saturday)

HYPERSOMNIA will be there! We released a trailer teaser that you can watch right now, and the full trailer will be a part of the direct premiering at 6PM ET!

If you are a content creator, I ask as an indie developer to please talk about the indies and don't just skip over them. I'm not asking this because I want you to talk about my game, but just please talk about the indies because they deserve your attention. Just because you're not familiar with these games doesn't mean they're not worth looking into. If theres an indie game in this direct or in general that catches your attention please talk about it, because it's incredibly valuable to people trying to find an audience.

TALK ABOUT INDIES!

Now, back to your regularly scheduled indie games:

So, what have you been up to Ferris? I'll show ya!

First off, I've been working on designing enemies for the demo! Now I've realized over the last month that I am really really weak at designing common enemies. Trying to avoid RPG tropes and weak/overused ideas and jokes is tough because it means I can't really bullshit like 50 enemies and call it a day, each enemy takes a long time and needs a strong idea, sometimes it'll take me multiple days to come up with good ideas!

I came up with these two recently, and I think they're good examples of my thought process for designing enemies.

HYPERSOMNIA's enemies revolve around a paranormal theme. It's an aspect of the first MOTHER that I missed in MOTHER 2 and 3, which inspired HYPERSOMNIA to lean into it so much.

I try to also keep some sense of comedy in my designs, HYPERSOMNIA has paranormal aspects and it has serious moments, but I try not to mix the two with common enemies because I just don't think it'd make a very interesting enemy roster. Could you imagine an EarthBound inspired game with enemies like actual demons from hell or serial killers? It's something I would've written in 7th grade, like the most basic bait-and-switch you could ever see from any media.

I also put together a flowchart while talking with my partner about enemy designs, they weren't exactly on the same page as me while thinking of ideas so I made this to illustrate my thought process for an idea.

It really helps me narrow ideas that I think would work for the game. It isn't exact, so don't look at it like some sort of design bible, but it's more a general guideline.

I also got around to spriting that cow enemy. My friend suggested the name Moo-F-O which I liked better than the names I was thinking of.

I'll probably get around to spriting that TV enemy after I finish writing.

As the next "Thing I Did This Month", you may have noticed that Katz's coat is a different color!

I made this change while redoing her sprites. I was dissatisfied with how her black coat blends into the game's brown outlines so I decided on giving her a brown coat instead. It also helps her stand out a bit against Iggy, who also has a black coat.

I've also recently been working on some concept art, I've talked before about how I don't like Ross' special attack sprite, so I've been trying to come up with a better pose

I tried hard to make that pose he has in the original work because I think it looks cool but I just found that the pose on the right was easier for me to draw.

I've also been thinking of giving Debra a new starter weapon, initially she had a pan but I figured I should find something else for her, I don't like how similar it is to Ana and Paula from MOTHER. I'm still on the fence about it, so if I don't write about her having a new weapon next month then I'm still thinking about it.

And other then that, that's all I've really done this month! It's not much but I feel its more interesting then the last few months. I've had a lot going on in my life, and early in august I'll be moving out. Hopefully I'll be able to settle quick, because for August I'll probably mostly be taking a break.

I usually do take a break after a trailer comes out, so you'll definitely hear from me next month but we'll see if I have things to talk about. Until next time! And don't forget to watch the MOTHER DIRECT, live at 6pm ET!

If this is your first log you’re reading, or even your first time seeing ANYTHING relating to HYPERSOMNIA, I got a whole bunch of links for you to check out if you wanna know more about me and my stupid little game.

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[overthestars-and-offtoneverland]

Today I Found Something From My Childhood

And it reminded me how bad my childhood was.

When I was about 9/10, I thought it'd be a good idea to make a "Childhood Box" to pass down to my first born child.

From the looks of things, I put things in it from ages about 9-14ish. Makes sense that's when I stopped due to certain life events. I probably wasn't thinking about it.

I remember that I would write and rewrite notes to leave to my child. Contents of the notes depended on how my life was going until one day I had the one that was the most concise.

Today I found the box.

I actually removed things from it, specifically things that either had no actual sentimental value to me (random marks of things I thought were so cool but were literally garbage [I.E. a Poki Box because I was a little weeb and a Fago cap because Homestuck phase]) or things that hurt me to see it (things I only put in out of obligation [it didn't bring me joy or have sentimental value to me but my parents were adamant it had to], things marking my self esteem at the time that I have since fixed due to life experience ("I HAVE to keep this thing from my shitty boyfriend because it's the first time anyone called me pretty and it probably won't happen again!"), or things that had my deadname on it that fit one of both of the previous categories. Quite frankly it was cathartic and I see it as growth.

Also a mini bible, which I think fell under that obligation category thanks to my shithead father. I'm not even Christian anymore. 100% his fault.

Anyway, the part that has me super messed up.

I found the note.

I couldn't have been older than 10 when I actually wrote it. It was literally written in crayon.

"Dear sweet baby,

I want you to know that I love you.

I am giving you my childhood because I want you to be a happy child for as long as you can.

I will never scream at you. I will never hit you. I will make sure you are happy.

Love, Mom.

P.S. I will make sure your dad does too."

There's a lot to unpack here.

Firstly, we'll just skip the fact that at this point in my life I had to assume I would need to be cisgender and straight. As an adult, A. My kids will call me Bubby or Bubs, not Mom. B. I will most likely not be with a man. There's only like a 2% probability on that one. AMAB, maybe, but not a man.

Secondly, those bold parts aren't me exaggerating now. Those were emphasized in the actual letter. I said so much and so little.

I felt unloved, therefore I definitely needed to emphasize to my child that I love them unconditionally

I was not given the benefit of being treated like a child. Which is true. I was parentified and if I ever acted my age, I was punished for it. I had to do chores way above my age level. If I wasn't good immediately at anything, I was punished. I was always meant to be the mature one even when my parents were throwing tantrums. How dare I react to someone twice my size screaming at me.

My father was my main abuser and led me to believe that fathers are expected to abuse their children. That's not a normal thought.

Thirdly, I promised my child I wouldn't abuse them. I didn't even realize what was happening to me was abuse at this point and I still promised my child I wouldn't abuse them and make sure none one else would either.

Both my parents hurt me this badly. And my mother wouldn't even pretend to protect me from the physical abuse. Why would she? Both of them were mentally and emotionally abusing me.

How is it fair that a little kid is so beaten down and knows subconsciously that this isn't right that they grow up to be me.

And yet with every confrontation to these monsters it's "All in my head" and "Where did this come from?" and "Suddenly you think I'm abusive!"

God these people will NEVER meet my children.

[queer-reader-07]

Making a Home in the Liminal Space

I grew up catholic. I was born into it, baptized as an infant, first communion in second grade, roughly 8 years in catholic school, and all of it culminated in getting confirmed at age 14. Catholicism was my life, in many ways it was my only constant in life. Schools changed, people came and went, but church was always there. Every Sunday with my family and every Wednesday with my classmates I found myself either in the pews ready to pray or in the choir area ready to play the hand chimes throughout Mass. I went to catechism every Wednesday night for years in elementary school. I attended youth group with my friends. There are still parts of the Bible that I know like the back of my hand.

But then I grew up. I grew up and I realized that I thought girls were pretty in a way that gave me butterflies in my stomach and that I didn’t quite feel like a girl anymore. I grew up and I went through changing labels before I found words like ‘queer’ and ‘trans’ and ‘asexual’ that made me feel at home. And while that home is comforting in so many ways it is also not a home that is compatible with the religion that held me for so long. Catholicism was my life, I was in Church at least twice a week for years of my life. But Catholicism doesn’t leave room for queerness, it doesn’t embrace and hold close what I am. Who I am.

A friend asked me recently if I still I identify as catholic. If I, someone who is now staunchly leftist and proudly and openly queer, aligned with a religion that is so notoriously bigoted and conservative. Easy answer, right? Just say no? How could someone like me ever call themselves a catholic? And good god, I wish it were that simple.

Because, the thing is, I tried to just say no. I tried to say “eh not really,” but it felt so deeply disingenuous. It felt wrong. How do I denounce a faith that was my life for 15 years with a simple “no”? How do I go from staunch catholic to atheist in the blink of an eye? I can’t.

To be honest, I’m not sure where I fall on the spectrum of spirituality and religiosity. It feels like a lie to say I believe in God, but it doesn’t feel anymore honest to say that I don’t believe in God.

I know I believe in love. I believe in the power we as people have to do wonderful and amazing things. I believe in hope’s ability to help one through the darkest of times. I believe in humanity, in the human story. But none of that is mutually exclusive from religion, from Catholicism.

I think, right now, I exist in the liminal space between catholic and atheist. I can’t bring myself to align myself with an institution that doesn’t believe in my right to exist. But I also can’t bring myself to fully denounce the faith that held me for so many years. I can’t bring myself to denounce the faith that was my only real constant for all those years. I haven’t been to Church on my own volition in ages, yet I refuse to take down the rosary adorned crucifix above my bed. I don’t pray all that often anymore and yet I could recite the Our Father without a second thought. I don’t go around professing any faith in God and yet the phrases “good lord” and “for the love of all that is holy” seem to leave my mouth daily. These are the things that make up the liminal space. The not quite prayer, the familiar comfort of a crucifix and rosaries about my bed, the acceptance that I’ll never have a secular vocabulary. It’s weird, it’s contradictory, and yet here I am existing in it.

There is still so much beauty I find in the world that feels like it must be more than mere coincidence. I think a lot about hope. About how it feels so unique to the human condition and I can’t help but wonder why. Did someone, something, endow us with hope? So that we could never cease in our endeavors of discovery and creativity? So that we would not lose sight of a better future? Or, did we just get lucky?

But I don’t think that’s God, necessarily. I don’t know that it’s one being, but I’m not confident it’s no being.

Existing in the liminal space is difficult. Because to be here is to know you can’t ever go back while still grappling with where you’re meant to go now. I hope that one day I find a new home, a home that isn’t built on guilt and shame for merely daring to exist. But for now, I am making a home in the liminal space. I am letting this liminal space hold me in any way it can while I work to figure out what I am outside of the church. And I hope that wherever I go next— whatever space becomes my home after I outgrow the liminal space— I hope it welcomes me with open arms and a warm embrace.

[wacklemons]

Crazy that my mother and grandmother want me to go to church. I never liked church and I'm sure as hell not going to go now because of how people like me are seen by many. I know usually I don't talk about stuff like this but like, to me, it seems as if they're just trying to make me more "normal" or something for "my own safety".

This next stuff is really personal and also related to religion and spirituality so it's under the cut if you wanna read it. It is related to the above paragraph.

I just want to know if there are perhaps outside thoughts on this.

So, I'm like being "haunted" or something by a spirit. it's from my college campus, and it's physically harmed me and my friends before. As far as we know, it mostly wants me and one other friend. I wont get into how this happened or anything. All you need to know is that there's a spirit in my life now. If you don't believe in spirits please don't tell me that. I don't care if you think I'm crazy.

So a handful of my family knows about it, right? More importantly my mother and grandma. My family believes in spirits, but my mother is an agnostic catholic and my grandmother is a catholic.

I was somewhat raised catholic but I'm not baptized and have never regularly attended church.

I've been told that last night my grandmother was praying for the family, a prayer for each of us, but that she physically could not pray for me. I have never personally told her about the spirit but my mother definitely has.

My mother told me about it like 2 hours ago and I can't shake the feeling that this perhaps isn't because of "the spirit" but perhaps because my family doesn't agree with how I live my life. She told me I should get baptized and pray more. I'm not baptized but I do pray. I own multiple crosses and rosaries, I have angel figures/statues, I own a bible. I'm not gonna lie I'm not super into the religion, but some parts are comforting to me.

IDK it's weird cause like my BROTHER has had bracelets made for protection break on him and his own rosary has broken on him before. None of mine ever have. I see things like that breaking as a bad sign, possibly related to a spirit. The things that have happened to me are strictly voices and physical sensations (that other people besides myself could also feel) and also are limited to the area where the spirit is "bound" or whatever.

Perhaps I'm just like "too far gone" in their eyes. I have no clue why that would be. Perhaps my grandmother was just afraid for my soul or whatever. I don't even think I am a catholic but it's easier to say I am. I don't really know or care what religion I would be "a part of" because why should I put a name on something for someone else's sake.

Oops sorry this kinda just devolved into a rant.

[scribeforchrist-blog]

Growing Away From Milk

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

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+ Psalm 1:2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law, he meditates day and night

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VERSE OF THE DAY

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+ Hebrews 5:11 There is much more we would like to say about this, but it is difficult to explain, especially since you are spiritually dull and don’t seem to listen

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** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM GROWING

I AM NOT ON MILK

I AM STRONG

I AM NOT BLIND

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READ TIME: 10 Minutes

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THOUGHTS:

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  Recently, I was at a place to get some food, and I had a lady who was so rude to me. And as I stood there and she was so rude, fussing and yelling at me, I didn’t say anything; I could remember a time in my life if that had happened, I would’ve been just as ugly as she was. I would’ve gotten rude and argued back, but I didn’t ; I put my money back in my pocket and walked away; the moment I told her never nevermind to what I was going to order , a look came over her face; she knew she was wrong, but she didn’t apologize, but the look she gave me because I think she wanted me to fuss and fight back with her.

Still, I didn’t, and she wasn’t expecting that; the enemy is out to pull us out of character to stop our growth, but as we grow in God some things, we won't entertain anymore. We learn to use the tools God gives us and ignore the spirits that try to pull us out of character; other people will never see your growth, but God does; today, we will talk about growth.

 Hebrews 5:11 There is much more we would like to say about this, but it is difficult to explain, especially since you are spiritually dull and don’t seem to listen

  We can't grow if we don't listen. A lot of us are wondering why we haven’t grown, and we blame God for why we haven't, but the more we think about it, growth is on us; if we don’t listen to God while he points out things that we need to work on we won't grow, that’s why the Israelites stayed in the deserted for so long because they wouldn’t listen to him they kept doing the same repeated sin over and over,

  Verse 12: You have been believers so long now that you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you the basics of God’s word. You are like babies who need milk and cannot eat solid food.

  Some of us have been believers for so long that we should know what to do and what not to do, but we are too busy being lukewarm Christians are compromising to see that these ways are stunting our growth; the bible says people that when we are like this we needs someone else to teach us the mere basic because we haven’t grown, it says we haven’t learned , we can't teach anyone anything if we are blind if we are rebellious.

He goes on to say people that are stuck in this way are stuck. They are like babies that can't handle solid food. The only thing they can handle is being on milk, so many of us are still on milk because we allow situations in life to change who we are or continue to stunt our growth when we should be where we see the enemy trying to strike and we dodge his snares, but some of us are allowing the same trick to stop us, the same problem to change us.

Verse 13 For someone who lives on milk is still an infant and doesn’t know how to do what is right.

People are stuck on milk don’t know how to do what is right. Do you remember how you were when you first entered your relationship with Christ, and can you see the growth, or can you see none at all? We should be at the stage in our life where we know what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t, and if we are still struggling, look at our relationship with Christ. Are you reading your word? Are you praying? And I'm not talking about a verse a day: keep the devil away. Are you cracking your bible open and reading it, and allowing the holy spirit to teach you? It’s a difference, friends; many of us are allowing our walk to be stunted by things we can't move around.

 Verse 14: Solid food is for those who are mature, who, through training, have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong.

 Solid food is for people skilled with what's happening; they are applying discernment; they are hearing and listening to God; they aren’t allowing things and people to stop them from growing. Do you know the difference between right and wrong? Do you see what's blocking your growth? Whatever it is, go to God and ask him to help me grow. I want to hear you, and change help me to be better, and I can't do it without you.

  This week, we talked about guarding our hearts; I know things will happen, and we all have trauma that we are dealing with, but do we allow this trauma to stay in us? We must allow God to heal us; a lot of us need healing, and we won't go to the healer because we feel if we get healed, if he takes this feeling away, we won't be able to remember what happened or we won't be able to recognize when someone is treating us wrongly, but every situation must be dealt with one at a time by the speed the lord gives it to us, but we must be ready to forgive that’s the first steps into learning how to deal with trauma we must be able and willing to forgive and move on

 Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.

  God is always near when we are brokenhearted because he wants to comfort us. Still, if we aren’t willing to be comforted and have the lord change our perspective, we will become bitter, which allows other spirits to attach themselves to us; as these spirits come in, we are then lost because we didn’t allow the light of the lord to change who we are. This brings me to our other topic of the week: when we have allowed these spirits in, we haven’t allowed what we have been studying in the Word to take effect; the bible tells us not to give a foothold to the devil.

   • Ephesians 4:27 and do not give the devil a foothold

• 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

  We must be ready for the enemy because the enemy will sift us out like wheat, and a lot of times, his attacks blind us because we haven’t used what we read in the word or we haven’t read the word at all, God wants us to be mindful of the devil the word says be soberly minded and be watchful he's not just telling us that just to do it he's telling us that so that we can know what to expect out of the enemy he means us no good. Our tears don’t stop him, nor does the money we have in account; the only thing that stops the enemy is prayer and the word of God.

  Psalm 63:1 You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you in a dry land without water.

  What is your relationship with God like? Do you speak to him only when necessary or genuinely wait to hear his voice? Some of us get into a situation, and the first thing we do is retreat, but God wants us to stay and build with him daily. Retreating doesn't help us, but what we must do is speak to him every day and ask him what you could work on. And no, working on something you are struggling with is not easy, but it's easier when we do this with Christ.

 ***Today, we learned about building and maturing through Christ, and that’s not easy sometimes, but God wants us on solid milk; some of us have been running this race with God for 12 + years, and we still aren’t learning anything because we haven’t tried to allow God to show us what we need to do, but we allow bitterness, anger, and wrath to stay which causes us to be lost, and blinded and theses ways don’t help us in any way, they stunt our growth with God,

 We must be watchful and mindful of the snares of the enemy because if we don’t use discernment, we will fall for the same old tricks over and over again; to be mindful of these things, we must read our word, we can’t know where and when he's coming we must pray most of all, as we read our word more and pray more God will start speaking to us and showing us which way to go and how to handle things no God doesn’t want us to run from our problems or be a coward no, but we must learn when to approach and when to retreat, two wrongs don’t make a right so today if your struggling go to God and allow him to help you stay on solid food and not drink milk. ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

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Heavenly Father, thank you for teaching us right and wrong. We ask that you give us ears to hear and eyes to see, lord. We give you our situations and ask you to please guide us and show us the way, and we will listen. Lord, help us not to be looking for revenge but to look for you; help us seek you every day. Lord, we are so grateful for what you do in our lives. We ask you to give us the strength to work harder; in Jesus Name, Amen

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REFERENCES

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 + 1 Timothy 4:15 Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress.

+ Hebrews 6:1 Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God,

+ Philippians 1:9 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment,

======================

FURTHER READINGS

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 Proverbs 2

Daniel 7

Jeremiah 28

Acts 21

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[nixtreme]

— 𝑴𝑬 𝑳𝑬𝑮𝑬, 𝑳𝑬𝑮𝑬 𝑴𝑬!

❛ Read me, read me!

Well, this fucking sucks.

I dropped my head in hands and looked down at the worn out keyboard and ripped yellow pad papers resting on top of my rough, gray desk.

This really fucking sucks.

My brain was shut and my eyes were irregularly blurred. My train of thought has landed on its station, and it shall be closed in the meantime as I contemplate on my actions of reading and writing for absolutely NOTHING.

Yet here I am, laying on my bed with a fucked out expression of a rushed headline, writing these silly emotions out, the feelings of a lonely writer is similar to the thoughts of a crazy atheist—you feel and you think that there is no one there for you, even if there is, yet you still persist on trying to prove something that’s not even anything.

Philosophical, right?

My writings are like philosophical dialogues from a reprint of Plato’s books that a wannabe genius can’t even open on a hot summer evening.

Specific, right?

My writings are so goddamn specific that nobody wants to take their time to read it, just like a Bible verse right around the corner that’s waiting for its preaching, but no lector or priest recognizes the true value it holds.

Religious, right?

My writings are so religious that not a single teenager can analyze its metaphors and symbolism without mindlessly going through the text and commenting on it with little to no effort at all.

Shitty, right?

My writings are so shitty, that nobody wants to read them. Not even my friends, not even my parents, and maybe not even my mentor.

Then, I circle back,

What am I writing for?

Maybe it’s because of my press conference qualification; but no, it’s too uniform and forced for me to consider it as an actual cause. Maybe it’s because I’m a journalist; but no, I don’t have much freedom, as I reside in the heart of school papers and lunch meetings.

Maybe it’s because of my skills in doing so; but no, I don’t enjoy it if others do not recognize it. But maybe it’s because I love it—yeah, maybe that’s the cause of everything.

The fucking cause of everything is love.

That’s so goddamn disgusting.

How will I love it if it's not recognized by my peers? The only people who can understand my writings? My parents? The only people who can support me all throughout? Or my teacher? The person who inspired me to write more? To be loved is to be seen, yet where am I standing at this moment?

I’m standing on a blank page, carrying the weight of a huge pen that’s resting on my shoulder, attempting to write more as I should because that is what I love. But then, who is watching me struggle right now? Counter it, you shrug your shoulders and point at me with your crooked index, “You shouldn’t suffer if you truly enjoy it,” and I’ll snap at you with this sharp, inked tip.

Picture yourself cooking and you do so as you enjoy it, but then once you’ve served the flaming dish, none of your customers take a bite out of it. What’s the damn point, then? What are you cooking for? Doesn’t it make everything harder to enjoy?

An individual can only love something if the people around them recognize and appreciate the same thing as well. It all boils down to mutual expression of satisfaction with a warm smile and a handshake. Do you feel my callouses? Well that’s what I get and you don’t even take the time to sympathize with me.

Words are powerful as they all say, and the message that lies beneath them is more powerful than its aesthetic. Me can Write, iN straNge Like. tHis Gr4mmAr! aNd puncTvation—but it could be more than meets the eye. And I want people to recognize that.

But if words are so beautiful and books are so effective, then why don’t my loved ones use their irises for a moment to indulge in my proudest works of art? Does the aesthetic die when I’m the one making it? Or do you simply not care? Either way, I give a HUGE fuck.

If you read this ‘til the end, then good for you. I commend you for sticking with me and supporting me with every word I write and every letter I draw. However, this is just another one of my shitty works that I’ll forget in the long run, and maybe you, too. Everything is pointless. Even the tears that are running down my face right now.

Nobody can know how much I need love, even with the simple consummation of my work. In the end, let them be; as this will just be one of the stories that I could never send.

[fumifooms]

do you have any character analysis posts you're working on? i'm currently mulling Daya/Dia over in my head right now. In general, I'm thinking a lot about Kabru's team because they don't show up much in the manga and won't be in the show much longer as noticeable players, but have quite a bit of outside-the-manga content to comb through. Personally, I like the idea of Rin and Dia becoming friends with Marcille post-canon, but I want to know them better first. I know Rin pretty well already. 1/2

(for example, Rin/Dia/Marcille seem to like clothes, and i want to draw them clothes shopping.) And I ask this not to put all the work on you! I want to discuss these characters with somebody, and you're one of the only ones I can think of who enjoys doing in-depth dives into the side characters of Dungeon Meshi. You, summerboletes, shisurus, and ambrosiagourmet are some other blogs i can think of that made great meta posts. You can reply to this privately if you want! 2/2 (think about it. daya has a boyfriend and marries him post-canon. marcille loves romance and loves clothes. it'd be adorable if she helped daya find a wedding dress. like kabru introduces them and dia (god i'm so used to writing 'daya') mentions her wedding and marcille immediately pounces on her with eyes sparkling in excitement. i plan to write this fic one day)

This idea is so cute! I’ll also check out those other blogs you mentioned when I have the time to hehe~ I do latch onto minor characters easily but it doesn’t mean I have much to say about everyone. Dia (agreed btw, the situation with Daya vs Dia is confusing)… I do like her, but I feel like her Adventurer’s Bible profile sums it all up quite nicely and straightforwardly honestly. You’re right though her reaction to the treasure bugs was so cute and honestly surprising considering her appearance and demeanor, she does like pretty things and jewelry I could def see her going shopping. More content of her would definitely be fun, I’d read your fic!! I do love imagining how everyone’s relationships are like in Kabru’s party, the intricacies of it… I haven’t mulled it over enough though. I’ve been thinking of Mickbell more because of recent posts though, also Rin… If you’d like, the dunmeshi discord I’m in would be a good place to brainstorm about it I think! Hmu for an invite if you want

Summing up the posts I’m working on was long so here’s a cut out of mercy

I have 78 drafts on tumblr currently oh boy… The thing about my process is that I ramble easily but then I need to compile panels to illustrate the points and that’s real tedious… Character analysis wise - I’m most hyped about a Falin one on the topic of if she’s a people pleaser, how much does she care, what’s her way of thinking etc etc, also her differences with Laios because I hate seeing people seriously say they’re the same person. - Also a Cithis one that I just need to streamline at this point. I want to analyze her demeanor, poke at her psychology and analyze her relationships, she’s fascinating. - Oh I’m so stupid I almost forgot to mention the one I’ve been working on currently about Thistle, the age shenanigans but in an in-world way where yes it’s wonky and it means something. He hauntssss me I have so many thoughts on Thistle & Falin lately. Like, offtopic for the analysis but… Falin loves nature and Thistle is named after a flower… Imagine her post-canon coming across wild thistles and feeling a rush of fondness and she doesn’t know why… Thistles have thorns but they taste sweet… Peel of his thorns and eat him pls.

I have more Chilchuck & family thoughts coming, and more Toshiro & family, but these will have more of a casual brainstorm & speculating tone to them, I also just need to streamline these… Like I am obsessed about Toshiyuki and Chilchuck’s alcoholism I’m sorry

Beyond those the topics of the character analysis become more specific, like - How much social awareness does Laios have? Not none, not a lot, but the specifics can be blurry in ways I think are interesting, he was sensitive to people’s judgements in his hometown after all, and he does worry about others’ perception of him… He does know that buzzcut guy was taking advantage of him, etc etc. - There’s an extensive one I want to make on how the winged lion reflects abusive relationships, like how he targets all his ‘meals’'s specific weaknesses and draws out the worst in each of them. A lot of Dunmeshi is about unity and overcoming prejudices & differences & flaws and forming deep and long-lasting bonds despite it all, and amongst all of it it’s like… How flawed relationships with flawed people can still be made into somehing good and healthy that make the world brighter… Except the winged lion there to represent abusive relationships which you need to fucking DITCH, lol. - And on the topic of Dunmeshi & relationships I want to talk about it and queerness, especially in the queerplatonic sense of blurring lines, and Izutsumi + Laios’ relationship to touch should feature in those.

And my crown jewel but I’m soooo hyped about the Marcille & Chilchuck’s arcs one I’m working on it’s gonna go over so much stuff I’m obsessed about, like the importance of books in Marcille’s life, what the succubi reveal about the characters in what ways, the theme that’s so prevalent in Dunmeshi of idealization, Marcille’s imagery as a dungeon lord, a shepherd a general a princess a monster a damsel a woman in mourning…

But that’s enough for heavy ones, side characters wise: doing quick posts like for the gold-stripper characters has been great, but those usually come to me on the same day that I post them. I might make some analysis posts on say Mickbell or Holm or Otta, but I don’t have the thread I want to follow yet. Flamela’s been on my brain so much too…

Mostly though there’s just a lot that I wouldn’t write analysis for, but that I’d love to explore in fanfics! For example, the hienbeni I want to write the most rn is about the surges of anger that Benichidori gets, impulsive and stressed out. I haven’t made a post on my Izutsumi & Benichidori brotp and all the interesting parallels I think I have, but I’ve written a fic on it! Same about Chilchuck’s daughters and their relationship with his alcoholism, etc. I explored the guilt and confliction he may feel about his wife in my fic Enough as well, etc etc. You can see my fics here! For Kabru’s party lately mickrin has been having a chokehold on my brain, I’d love love love to explore Rin’s and Mickbell’s characters and issues through fics for them. As I think you might have figured, I love to explore characters through the lenses of relationships they have with others (Cithis & Mithrun and Pattadol, Thistle and Falin, etc), and that’s why for example I love to make posts that pitch ship ideas, I think specific dynamics can really have a lot to say about either characters. Oh another one’s toshimari, I want to make a fic about them and their feelings of being foreigners and not being able to integrate well to The Island, through the plot of them going to a restaurant as coworkers and the food they eat there~

These are only the ones I have at the top of my head though………. Someone help me Hopefully this post wasn’t boring lol, but yeah those are my wips rn. Need to make posts on toshimari, kabushuro, cithaios, cittadela and ships like that I think have interesting potential too. Many of these I’ve mentioned here I’ve had in my drafts for like 6 months btw gdvd 😭

[thecheshirerat]

a Bridge Season?

Thinking about season 3, folks. And the more I ponder it, the more I am utterly befuddled by the idea that season 2 is a bridge season.

Because if someone says "Yeah, we had a sequel planned for the book- but we need a bridge season to get to that starting place for the series." You anticipate that the setup for the sequel was all in the book, but some crucial bits of that setup were cut for TV. You think, ok, so this bridge season- season 2- will mostly be highlighting things that were in the book which were cut from season 1, combined with things that might have ended up in the prologue of book 2, with some fun extra bits for the sake of a coherent narrative.

There was a lot of "fun extra bits," but for the most part? That's. Not what season 2 was.

Season two was a lot of things- I like to describe it as a love letter, to the fandom, to Terry, to all the people involved in making the show- but it's hardly any of the things I listed above. There's some touching on book-things left out of the show, I can't think of any good examples now, but a lot of it is new!

And those new things made waves, that's absolutely sure! Season 3 will start from a very different place than season 1 ended. Aziraphale's in heaven. Crowley's a mess. Gabriel and Beelzebub are a thing. Muriel's running the bookshop.

But none of those could POSSIBLY have been crucial for season 3 to work.

It would have been pretty wild for 668: The Neighbor of the Beast (the proposed title of the book sequel) to have begun with Aziraphale suddenly in the position of Supreme Archangel. Even if they had a little explanation in the early chapters, it would have been weird- in the first book, there's very little in terms of heavenly politics. It would've been equally weird to have Crowley a mess over their off-page breakup. If that was why season 2 was necessary, Book Omens would've needed a bridge too!

Additionally, from what we know of the planned book, Crowley and Aziraphale were originally planned to work together- I lost the post where this was summarized so long ago, but I vaguely remember mention of them road-tripping across America, which will have to be changed now.

So their whole fight- the consequences of the final fifteen? We can assume that was all Gaiman.

Gabriel was practically a footnote in the book, so it would be wild for his and Beelzebub's absence to be fundamental to season 3- and we know Neil got the idea to canonize ineffable bureaucracy after season 1 was put out.

Maggie and Nina were involved because Neil wanted Maggie and Nina on the set (he's said that too). (I could find sources for all of these things if I went looking, but I'm very tired right now.)

Saraqael was added.

Muriel morphed out of a character Neil said was originally Aziraphale's replacement on Earth, but who he made nice because he was sick of writing about mean angels- so, Muriel could be fulfilling a season 3 role set up for that heaven's-replacement character he mentioned- but they probably weren't at the center of the plot, if Neil and Terry had left the character mostly unplanned.

The flashbacks are either follow-ups to flashbacks introduced in season 1 (1941, for instance), unlikely to be relevant (the Resurrectionists) or very unlikely to contain key plot details (the Job minisode, which was written by John Finnemore without much input from Neil at all).

So what was introduced in Season 2 that makes a transition from book-sequel to show-sequel smoother? Dear Reader, I have no idea. I am not a particularly good theorist, just someone who is pretty sure none of these words [this season] was in the bible [original book].

I just keep coming back to the thought that if the start of season 3 was also the planned start of 668 (and we know it won't be), they would've written a trilogy. Because they would have needed a bridge there, too.

I don't doubt that season 2 was necessary to bridge the gap- and I love it, even if it wasn't necessary, I love it and if Neil wants it back he can pry it from my cold dead hands- I'm sure it was, in some way that we have no way of understanding yet. It must all be in his authorial, ineffable plan, because that's where I am with this, I GUESS. But when he says this was a bridge season to something he and Terry had planned out before season 1 ever aired, I'm clueless.

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

Live Reading: The Salt Miracles

I am only doing this for The Salt Miracles and not the other stories in The Winter Spirits because it's too much effort and I'm already going insane. I'm also going in 100% blind, I have absolutely no idea what it's about or whose perspective it's following, but my lord am I nervous.

I haven't even started yet but I just realised I've been calling it The Salt Mines by accident and put it in a twitter post oops-

OOO IT'S SOMEONE NEW

I STILL HAVEN'T STARTED READING YET BUT I SAW THEM REFERENCE A PRIEST AND NOW I'M GOING INSANE I NEED TO BE SEDATED

I'm chewing on glass and gnawing at the bars of my fucking enclosure

This (not) reading is more indicative of my mental illness than my actual diagnoses

If St Hilda is a fucking asylum I'm going to commit several crimes

I already love Mhairi she's so fun

Wait why is it changing to another dude Mhairi was fun :((( ik I'll probably like Flint but Mhairi is cool and I want her to write a proper female mc for once

Wait wait wait if the salt is pink it's probably Himilayan, and that along with Russia was where Mori said there was a weird no-clairvoyance zone thing so ??? I'm going to lose my marbles

Ohh nvm it's algae, that would've been cool

Okay Flint is also a priest, we have two priests now

"... I've been, you know, head first in a bucket the whole way" yeah okay this is a Pulley protag and I love him

" 'A whole...Christmas selection?' 'Nuts' " that may just become my new Twitter bio (probably not I like my Glass Onion reference too much)

He has a portable camera so this is probably taking place in like the twenties, but Kodak as a company was founded literally the same time tlfop was happening which is funny

Motherfucker are we getting animal-human hybrids???

I like fog as a metaphor, especially in tlfop, so I will probably write out something about it later

"...beehives, or cairns (graves)" this sounds like when Mori threatened Ito's wife who was allergic to bees

Why tf are there pilgrims??? Ik they're not like the Mayflower types of pilgrims, but what kind of religious journey thing are they doing???

I also want to write about the complete lack of respect for government officials and just general authority from the pulleyverse protags bc none of them have any fucks to give about authority figures

"...in his unofficial capacity as the bishop's shoulder-angel" PLS-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was mentioned and now I'm 1.) thinking about tlfop again, and 2.) am fairly certain that this story takes place not far from the events of tlfop, because the first Sherlock Holmes book was published in 1887 and he references them as being "new:

"...now the bishop didn't believe in miracles"

"I'll be Eve in a cider factory" tbh I don't understand what that means too well rn but I love it regardless (ik Eve bit the apple and all that jazz I just can't wrap my brain around the metaphor please don't explain the Bible to me)

I auto-filled an Irish accent for Kerryn in my brain so when he called Flint "Father Kang" I thought he meant "King" for a minute

Okay so it starts December 18th, which is also the date that Mori said he would come back to Japan if I'm not mistaken??? (Edit: I WAS RIGHT AND I FEEL LIKE GOD)

But I must be slightly off because X-rays weren't invented until 1895 :(((

Also I know Kerryn is probably the secondary lead but there's something off about him I don't like, I can't put my finger on it

Either Ms. Pulley messed up her math or I don't know what an advent calendar is, because I was under the impression this was in December, so how tf has Rosemary been on the island for 38 days if she's been there since September??? She would've had to have come in November for that to be true

Flint out here profiling people by name like his name isn't fucking Flint (I also definitely laughed and thought of Batman when I read Bruce's name for the first time)

I can't handle references to the winter king rn don't do this to me-

I stopped to make dinner because I'm hungry, I started at like 5:30 and it's now like 7:35 and I have some yummy pasta and pumpkin tea (I also had like 1.5 margaritas)

I can finally use my insanely eurocentric art history class notes to explain the imagery of what Flint describes in Ezekiel's angels; each of the four creature's heads is representative of the four apostles who wrote the bible, and that coupled with the biblically accurate angels coming down from on high are clear indicators of the second coming in art, meaning the previous priest was preaching the end of days to these people

I've always been such a sucker for Catholicism in gothic media, especially when it comes to imagery, so this all is right up my alley

THE O W L ? ? ?

"...the Almighty had forgotten about the United Kingdom" she's so fucking real for that

Honestly??? The Bishop sounds like he'd be a good love interest for Flint. Maybe it's because I don't like Kerryn that much even tho he's the standard choice, but the whole "hearing them talking to you in times of stress" thing is a fun thing I like with all the pulleyverse couples and it happened with the Bishop so. Hmm.

Fliny's whole color metaphor for logic + Thaniel's synesthesia sounds like another essay for me

The optimism of Flint and the pilgrims is really going to make the horror aspect of this all hit so hard I'm excited

On that note, I love how the stones that looked like beehives so readily became cairns as the tone got darker

My computer started updating as I was making this and I was so scared that I lost everything but thank fuck for tumblr drafts

Anyways those salt rocks are a grade A prime example of Chekov's gun if I've ever seen one

The rocks are fuckin BIRDS???

The fear of machinery is something we have seen in Pulley novels before, especially around this time period, but it's just making me think of the Mars House and how that would tie in

HIMB BABY BIRD I'M ABOUT TO CRY-

N O NOT THE BIRD :(((

That was fast

"The islanders didn't leave a hundred years ago. We're walking in them." this line goes so hard, especially because it includes the audience in the "we"

OOO altitude sickness, very Bedlam Stacks-core

The cloaked devil imagery and unforgotten knowledge description is giving very much Edgar Allen Poe and it's gorgeous

I cannot say I care at all about Kerryn becoming salt but damn was it a creepy twist

And the way she physically started crumbling??? Genuinely horrifying

It took this short story for me to realise that that scene in twofs where Mori is giving his side of the argument with the priest in the future where he actually did go to the wedding, he's arguing about the story of Lot, which likely was derivative of the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Wonder why that would come up. Hmm. A mystery.

"He could taste it -- something electric." PLS I'M GOING NUTS-

What in the fucking Cthulu-

Oh Mhairi's back!!! Yay!!!

Alright maybe I spoke too soon with the whole Bishop and Flint thing

Wait it's not Flint??? I thought Bruce was Flint for a second

Oh f u c k dude that was HEAVY

That's so nuts

I literally do not have words what the fuck was that ending

It was really good and clever and fun but w o w

Ending thoughts: I genuinely have none, that was terrifying and beautiful and cool as FUCK, and I think if Ms. Pulley started pumping out only horror novels from now on I would be in full support. It's a really fuckin out of pocket move considering her previous works and even her last short story that had a relatively happy ending but my god it was good. 10/10, very creeped out. Also the sign at the end??? Knowing Flint probably wrote that out and put it around his own neck like a noose??? That's so fucking hardcore I can't believe it. Utterly amazed.

[paramorearchived]

January 27, 2011

Transcript:

bible belt.

 can't believe i'm gonna post about faith. 

but it's all that's been on my mind lately. and i think, just with my blog and with a few people here, it's come up enough times to dedicate a little more time to. i'll start by saying this... i never thought it could get any harder to live in the south, be a Christian, and do what we do. but lately, it has. and i'll finish starting by saying another thing... this post is about as personal as i could possibly get with all of you. to me, this subject matter is like ripping off a bandaid... or super gluing your lips together and then tearing them apart. (jeremy had a friend do that once, how bloody does that sound?)

disclaimer: i realize that only a few of you here share the same faith as me, so you'll have to read this all like it's my totally private diary. like i'm writing it just for my own eyes. and also, i am not using this entry as a way to make you "see the light" and start believing whatever I do. in fact, this is almost the opposite. 

so here are the basics: Christians are supposed to love everyone. we are supposed to be a clear representation of God's heart for humankind. without quoting scripture and getting myself into a storm, it's easy to see when reading the Bible - particularly the New Testament - that God's desire for his creation is love. that's a broad statement but hopefully you follow. sure bad things happen, life happens... but in the end, there's grace. there's love. and at least to me, that's God. 

so if Jesus walked the earth, showing grace to everyone, hanging out with "sinners" and even being condemned for it, all in the name of love...what's so hard to understand that as Christians, we should strive to do the same? i mean, duh, as a human being living amongst other human beings, i'm not expecting perfection.. but that's just the point. Jesus didn't expect perfection from us so why do we expect it from one another? why is it that Christians are known for being the exact opposite of how it was written that Jesus lived his life? why are we known as a bunch of hypocrites? i'm getting tired of the representation we've got out there. seems like the only Christians that speak up are the crazies. and i guess that's why i'm so not into talking about all of this all the time. i don't wanna be one more name you can add to that list.

the million dollar question that i'm wrestling with lately is this: what's the difference between someone who says they're a Christian but shows no love and someone who has nothing to do with God but shows love? who would you rather be around? ... that's what i thought! 

ugh, so i know i'm rambling and rambling. unfortunately i don't think i have a total point for all of this. i'm not expecting anyone to have an epiphany about what i've typed up. just so angry lately at people who make believing in God look like hate. figured that you guys would understand because i bet you all might have your own stories of condemnation and harsh judgement. i call those stories "playing god moments" - only call them that to myself of course to avoid seeming ridiculously narcissistic! but now you know, so if you have a "playing god moment", please share it if you can. 

and you know, maybe my point is that whether or not it goes down in history, i just want to be able to be known not for being "a Christian" but for being someone that tried to be real with people. sure, i'm not happy all the time. that's not what having faith is about anyways. i just want to know that i loved people right. or as well as i could. i really believe with everything in me God would actually be pleased with just that. and before i end this, i just want to say that i hope none of this comes off as self righteous. that would bum me out so hard cause that's exactly what i'm trying to speak out against.  okay, so i'm going to quote one verse - 1 Corinthians 13:13 "Three things remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 

thanks for reading this one. i'm sure it was confusing - and i didn't even proofread :/  love, hayley

[stilin-ski]

forever is the sweetest con: chapter one

Chapter One: Genesis

A/N: hello there. glad to have you. I've got this posted on Ao3 already, but I've decided to crosspost here. Here we go.

Summary:

If asked now, he’d see it clearly. Where it started, how it started, and why. It all comes back to Tobias Hankel.

OR

Hotch/Reid through the years and what happens when things are left unsaid.

~000~

If asked now, he’d say it was obvious. Where things were going- where they’d always been going since that day in February, when the sharp chill of the Georgia air hardly touched the team when compared to the way fear turned their blood to ice in their veins.

In Aaron Hotchner’s veins, when the call came in.

JJ was gone, no one could reach her.

And Reid- Spencer- was gone, still, when they did eventually find her.

If asked now, he’d see it clearly. Where it started, how it started, and why.

It all comes back to Tobias Hankel.

“I choose-” He watched on in desperate fear, eyes never leaving the screen. He couldn’t bring himself to move, to look away, to close his eyes when he knew any second how that trigger could be pulled and Spencer Reid would disappear in front of him. “I choose Aaron Hotchner.”

All eyes turned to him, but he remained frozen. He heard the sharp intake of breath from his left, felt JJ’s eyes slide over his expression. His face remained neutral, schooled thanks to years in this role. He, despite what Reid might say, had the best poker face of them all.

“He’s a classic narcissist.” Hotch watched intently as Reid continued, looking for any slight of hand, any tell Reid could be giving. It was a message, and he knew that. He just needed the cipher. Come on, Reid, he thought. I need more than that. You’ve got to give me more than that.

“He thinks he’s better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4-” He burned the words into his memory. He needed to remember that, he knew it. He knew Reid. “Let him not deceive himself and trust in emptiness, falseness, vanity, and futility. For these shall be his recompense-”

Thank you, Reid, his eyes finally, finally slid shut as the last piece of the puzzle fell into place. Thank you.

He turned on his heel, exiting the room. Out in the living room of that old, dank house, Hotch retrieved the bible left on the side table.

“I’m not a narcissist-” He started, ready to start translating Reid’s message.

“Come on, Aaron, you can’t take anything he said personally-”

“No, Gideon, stop, stop-” He snapped, frustrated. That’s not the point, how do you not get it? His mind raced, and he briefly wondered if this was how Reid felt every moment of the day. “Everybody right now, what’s my worst quality?”

The team stared at him blankly, and the wild streak of anger and impatience he worked so hard to control flared again. That’s not the fucking point, he wanted to scream at them. It’s right in front of you and you’re all missing it. “Stop worrying about hurting my fucking feelings- tell me, now. My worst quality. I’ll start. I have no sense of humor. Prentiss?”

“You trust men more than women.”

“Okay, JJ?”

“You’re a bully.”

“Alright, I’m a bully. Morgan, go.”

“You can be a drill sergeant sometimes.”

“Good, I’m all of those things,” And he was, he wasn’t blind to his own faults. Everything they had said was true, but- “Yet, none of you said I put myself above the team because I don’t. Ever.” Still, they didn’t get it, and he groaned in frustration. “Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism on the way here. He knew that I would remember that.”

“Hotch, we know you’re not a narcissist, man-”

“That’s not the point.” He finally snapped. “That’s not the fucking point, listen-” He looked up and finally, finally, he had their attention. “He quoted it wrong. Genesis chapter 23, verse 4, look-” He lifted the scripture into the light and read the correct quotation aloud. “I am a stranger and a sojourner with you, give me property for a burial place among you, that I might bury my dead out of my sight.” It registered with Gideon first, and Aaron could breathe a bit easier. “He wouldn’t get it wrong unless it was on purpose.” He insisted, holding eye contact. “He wouldn’t.”

“He’s in a cemetery.” Morgan muttered, and now Hotch could take a real breath.

The rest moved quickly. He did it, he found Reid, they were there and he just had to find where in the cemetery-

Then the shot rang out from just over the hill Aaron’s own two feet were standing on, and everything slowed down again as he ran towards it. “Reid!” He shouted. “Spencer!”

Not like this. Please, just not like this.

“Hotch?!” He doesn’t remember getting there. He doesn’t remember his path from the top of the hill down to the bottom, or who was following in his wake. He just remembers the relief flooding his chest as he pulled Spencer Reid off the earth and into his arms.

“You okay?” He muttered, one hand wrapped firmly around Reid’s waist while the other cradled his head.

“I knew you’d understand.” Spencer choked on a sob and tightened his hold, tears staining the collar of Hotch’s shirt. “I knew you’d understand.”

And so it began.