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voiceoffenrisulfr · 6 days ago

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When the Wolf Howls - Chapter Two

"Make the Most of Your Regrets."

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Nonbinary Character(s). Secondary Pairings; James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton/Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 -> Buck Goes Hunting, and Bug is Hunted.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 -> 4009

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> (M) Threat, uncertain fate.

𝐀/𝐍 -> If you haven't read Multitudes, some elements of the Worldbuilding will be unfamiliar to you. I suggest starting there - but this can be read as a standalone if you roll with established relationships. Check it out below, or on AO3 here!

<- Chapter One Chapter Three ->

Dividers by us! <3

- Free Space – @buckybarnesbingo (B005); - ‘Sneaking Out to Save Someone Despite Orders Not To’ – @fandombingo; - ‘Look Death in the Eyes’ – @seasonaldelightsbingo (Five Nights at Freddy's);

- ‘Forced to Beg or Forced to Stay Quiet’ – @julybreakbingo (5x5); - ‘Holding Hands or Holding On’, ‘Reunited’ – July Break Bingo (6x6); - ‘Music’ – July Break Bingo (7x7); - ‘Being Chased’ – Fandom Bingo (The Magnus Archives); - ‘Not So Weak’ – @multifandom-flash Bingo (Round 2 – 2032); - ‘Understanding’ – @queer-it-up-bingo; - ‘Crying While Kissing’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Under the Sea).

I snarled as my fist met the wall, the flesh across my knuckles shredding as the plaster crumbled. My feet carried me down the stairs without thinking, ignoring Clint as he reached out for me when I passed, the sound of him on my heels as I scanned myself into the basement only serving to move me faster.

The portal sat as it always had, displaying a secure room at the Compound, permanently available and frequently used. I barrelled through without a second thought, wincing at the change of temperature on my sensitive skin and the sudden brightness of the white space. Clint slammed into me as I keyed in my code, earning a growl as he grunted at the impact.

“James, what the hell is-”

“They’ve gone,” I snapped, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. The archer paused, lost for words, able only to watch as I finally got the security door open and sprinted into the hallway.

“Where are you going?” he panted, hot on my heels despite the breath catching in his chest as he fought to keep up.

“There’s only one way to Asgard,” I spat, eyes narrowing. “They can’t have done this alone, and I know exactly who helped them.”

His gulp was audible as he fell silent, following behind me as quickly as he could, his concern palpable.

“Whoa, where’s the fire?”

I skidded to a halt, Clint gasping for breath behind me. My movement was slow as I turned to face Tony, jaw set with fury. “Is he here?” I snapped, stepping closer, my body vibrating with rage and fear.

He blinked in surprise, holding up his hands defensively. “What- Who? What’s going on?”

“Thor,” I spat, shrugging off Clint’s hand as it closed around my wrist. “His guard dog has been misbehaving.”

The billionaire frowned, head cocked. “FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Mr. Stark?” FRIDAY’s dulcet tones replied, smooth and soothing.

“Is Point Break on the premises?”

“Thor Odinson is not currently present, Mr. Stark.”

Tony didn’t look away from me as he spoke, forehead creasing. “Inform me the moment he arrives.”

“Understood, Mr. Stark.”

He sighed softly, no doubt remembering the last time we’d issued the same order, the minutes ticking by painfully slowly as we waited for the god to appear. “Now… How about you take a seat and tell me what the hell is going on?”

As I relayed the whole sorry tale to Tony, his husband watching me worriedly, Clint made me a coffee and sat beside me, quietly interjecting when my anxiety made me skip over a point. I shot him a grateful smile when he took over as the words froze in my throat, choked by the terror climbing like lianas inside my lungs.

“And I guess… Well, they’ve gone, and James seems to think they-” I pushed the note into his hands, and he paused, scanning it quickly and wincing. “Yeah… It seems they’ve gone to Asgard to deal with it by themselves.”

“They’ll get themselves killed,” Stephen murmured worriedly, exchanging a glance with Tony. “We have to do something…”

“Can’t believe we still haven’t found a way to communicate with Thor when he’s off-planet,” Tony muttered, scowling. “I worked on a project for a while, but then we had little need of him, so I didn’t put much time into pursuing it – never really saw much need, and there were other things I could…” He trailed off, grimacing. “I should’ve learned from last time.”

The expression that clouded his features was one with which I’d become familiar over the years, particularly since his sobriety. Guilt was something he struggled intimately with – but Stephen took good care of him. As I watched, the magician’s arm tightened around his husband’s waist, holding him a little closer and pressing a kiss to his temple, murmuring quiet reassurances against Tony’s hair. Despite myself, I smiled. Even after all this time, I constantly marvelled at how perfect they were for one another.

“You weren’t to know,” I reassured him, only a little begrudgingly. While I knew Tony wasn’t responsible for the situation in which we found ourselves, it was hard not to think that he should’ve prioritised finding a communication method.

We left the Spiders on Asgard far longer than we should have for the exact same reason. We shouldn’t be here again.

Tony hummed noncommittally, leaning against his partner. “Either way – as it stands, we can’t do anything but wait,” he murmured, grimacing. “Hopefully Thor will stop by soon, but-”

“Mr. Stark? Thor Odinson has arrived on the premises. Would you-”

“Where?” I snapped, interrupting the AI’s announcement with a snarl in my voice.

“He is currently heading east along the ground floor. He-”

I was on my feet before she had finished speaking, tearing from the room without waiting to see if the others would follow. The compound had never felt so big, and my legs so slow and sluggish, despair and terror like molasses weighing me down. Vaguely, I was aware of speaking on my heels, Tony offering panted commands to the bodiless voice, but my single-minded determination left little room to care.

By the time I skidded to a halt before the colossal god, I’d lost all of my companions, the sound of footsteps and rasping breaths distant. I almost slammed into Thor’s chest, and he stumbled back in surprise.

“Buck-”

“We need to get to Asgard,” I spat, eyes burning into his. “Now.” He hesitated, and I snarled, fingers clenching by my sides. “Now!”

“I understand your concern,” he offered, hands raised imploringly, “but-”

“You knew?” I hissed, curling my grip into his ridiculous armour to push him bodily against the wall. “You allowed this to happen?”

“I came here to collect you,” he replied steadily, unperturbed by my grip on him. “But I cannot do that unless you release me. We’ll catch them up; Heimdall is keeping a careful eye on them, and-”

“Great – more people who were aware of this, and still did nothing to stop it…” I growled, still pinning him to the bricks. His expression was grave as he nodded once.

“I don’t blame you for your anger,” he replied simply. “By the time I discovered what was happening, they were already on their way. I came as soon as I heard, James.”

Breathing hard, I glared at him for a moment longer, heart pounding, before stepping back. “How did they even get there?” I hissed, gaze narrow. “The only way to Asgard is through the B-”

I cut myself off as realisation washed over me, the image of my lover’s hand vanishing between the Guardian’s.

Heimdall.

I’ll kill him.

“I’ll kill him,” I repeated aloud, my voice soft and threatening. Thor looked away, shame flickering across his expression.

“I can’t pretend to understand Heimdall’s course of action, but-”

“Don’t you dare,” I snapped, muscles tensing. “Don’t attempt to defend him.” Thor’s jaw snapped shut quickly, having the good sense to stop talking. “Get us there, Thor. Now.”

A soft hand brushed against my elbow, and I glanced back, surprised to find Clint by my side. “James…”

“I need to go, Clint,” I replied immediately, shaking my head. “You know I do.”

He nodded once despite the concern evident in his eyes, smiling weakly. “I know. I just… What about the Boys?”

The question made me freeze, wincing guiltily. With everything, I’d forgotten about the other two – the ones that made up Mars’ Boys, as they so lovingly called us.

When Shuri had helped to lovingly craft bodies and transfer consciousness to allow the Spiders to live their lives as individuals in a more classic sense, it wasn’t only them who had benefitted from her expertise. First Winter – then later, Tem – was carefully separated from me, while Mars’ Greg gained his own form – the only one of us to request a body significantly different to the one they’d previously inhabited, fascinating genetic tampering producing the 6ft sailor. Even more intriguing was the fact that they were still derived from my Bug’s DNA – as genetically related as siblings, if not more so.

And it was this sailor that currently had Winter and Tem’s attention, his new ship attracting their interest. Temnota, in his infinite absence of social graces, had requested to join the couple, excited at the thought of a new experience. They were sailing to the Caribbean and back, and I hadn’t even considered reaching out to them; I hadn’t thought of them at all, in all honesty. I’d been too busy worrying about my Bug, but now guilt and shame hit me with a vengeance, leaving me grimacing.

“I should call them…” I murmured, hesitating, glancing between my husband and the god uncertainly. They deserved to know – if something this urgent was kept from me, no matter the reason, I’d be furious – but each second was torturous, Mars getting further and further away from us with each heartbeat. Panic rose in my chest, and Clint squeezed my arm gently.

“I’ve got it,” he offered softly, and I shot him a weak, grateful smile.

“Thanks, honey,” I breathed, leaning in to kiss his cheek gently. Our dynamic had changed in the years since we’d married – gravitating towards platonic over romantic – but we still loved one another fiercely, our life together proving to be something we would never stop fighting for, no matter how it shifted and restructured itself.

The fact that he was willing to face the potential wrath of Winter, however, was a true testament to his love for me. He was notorious for the fear he could inspire when stressed, and Clint’s offer was not one most people would make.

“That would be amazing,” I replied softly, wincing. “Thank you, Clint… Don’t let Win worry you. He’s all talk. Usually,” I added, one eyebrow raised in a shaky attempt at humour that drew a gratuitous smile.

“I can handle him,” he smirked, one eyebrow arched. It was still bizarre that I no longer had any more insight into Winter’s actions than anyone else, and explaining his behaviour still came as second nature to me, despite the several months we’d now lived as our own people.

Turning my gaze to Thor, I nodded once, grim and determined. “Let’s go.”

The moment I stepped from the array of blinding, brightly coloured lights, I launched myself at the Guardian, the walls ringing at the sound of his armour colliding with the hard ground. He simply gazed up at me as I snarled, his golden eyes showing no distress or concern.

“This is the way it is supposed to be,” he replied evenly, and I moved ever closer, my nose an inch from his.

“I’ll kill you,” I whispered, low and threatening. “I’ll kill you, I swear to god.”

“You need to move quickly if you’d like to catch up with them. You don’t have time for both.”

I hesitated for only a moment at his calm words, and growled with consuming hatred before pushing myself to my feet, glaring at the Guardian for a moment more before turning my gaze to Thor, still stood where he landed and watching the proceedings with something akin to disbelief. “Where do I go?” I snapped, and he blinked in surprise.

“South-East,” he replied after a moment. “A few day’s walk. Through Asgard, Alfheim, the Enchanted Forest, Nastrond, Nornheim…. He’s on a lake in Varinheim. You’ll hear him from the border. We will,” he amended quickly, offering me a weak smile. I nodded once, short and impatient, flicking my gaze to the Gatekeeper once more.

“If Winter and Temnota call on you, I trust you’ll aid their travel?” I pressed stiffly, leaving no room for disagreement, and he nodded.

“Of course.”

“I don’t believe you,” I muttered, turning away with a shake of my head. “Thor?”

“We’ll get there quicker if we ride.” He moved as he spoke, gesturing for me to follow. I didn’t look back at the sounds of Heimdall getting to his feet, loping tirelessly along the jogging god as he led the way across the Rainbow Bridge. “We know the path they’re taking, Buck. We’ll find them long before they’re in any danger.”

“If we don’t, your gatekeeper will pay the price with his blood,” I spat, keeping my eyes on the path before me even as he slowed a little, baulking.

“We don’t have a chance.”

I bristled in response, my gaze fixed firmly on the girth I was cinching as Thor spoke. “We do. We have to.”

“But Sleipnir is the fastest horse in Asgard. If they’ve taken him, then nothing we do can-”

“Then we’re going to fucking try,” I snarled, turning to face the god as the silver-maned Glaðr fell into step obediently behind me, Gyllir reaching past Thor’s shoulder to nicker at his stablemate obliviously.

“Buck-”

“Thor, I have to try,” I interrupted, my tone dropping to a murmur as my voice cracked. “You know I have to try.”

He considered me for a moment before nodding once, slinging himself into the saddle of the golden horse beside him. “They don’t have that much of a head start. Hopefully, we can catch them before they get into the mountains – there’s a passage to Jotunheim out there, somewhere,” he added, wincing minutely at the thought of all 5’4” of my partner coming up against the Frost Giants. “It hasn’t been used since Lo- in a very long time,” he muttered, interrupting himself with a grimace, “but I still shouldn’t like to risk it. We should get moving.”

With a silent nod, the lump in my throat proving too much for me to speak, I guided my horse into the footsteps of his own, the sound of horseshoes on street ringing deafeningly around us as we left the stable. Even in my fear and anxiety, I found myself looking around as we circled around the palace’s significant perimeter, the mountains rising in the distance. The Plain of Ida stretched before us in its vastness, dotted with small ponds amongst rolling fields, sparse copses interspersed by low shrubbery breaking up the endless landscape until the ground began to slope upward. I couldn’t keep myself from searching the Plain, eyes flitting over the open ground in a desperate, futile attempt to find my Bug before venturing away from the city. While the chance was slim, I couldn’t hold in a soft sigh of disappointment when they were nowhere to be seen.

“Are you ready for this?” Thor asked, his voice uncharacteristically soft as he glanced my way. The shimmering stallion beneath him was dancing eagerly, hot-footed and hot-headed, and I smiled weakly at his excitement.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I breathed, turning my gaze once more to the expanse before me.

I still saw the towering mountains in my nightmares, rising overhead as intimidating spires that cast cold shadows. I’d explored the peaks as we searched tirelessly for the Spiders, scrabbling through crevasse and along barren ridge, terror filling my eyes with tears that impaired my vision until I’d stumble and fall to my knees, pausing only long enough to sob myself dry before continuing. Those mountains, with their endless, aimless, winding paths, were prime real estate for every monster my subconscious could elicit from the depths and put in my path.

I swore to myself long ago that I’d never step foot on those windswept trails again – but here I was, as Glaðr broke into a gallop beneath me, legs stretching to capacity as she raced alongside her stablemate, hurtling towards the mountains as the wind whipped my hair in stinging lashes across my face.

Here I was, chasing down yet another person who’d been lost to this hellish realm and its cursed beasts, dancing with death to a tune only they could hear.

I understood the allure, of course. The temptation to ease the wolf’s suffering was a stone in my chest, too – but not one I would die for. If there was only my life to worry about, I’d be far more likely to make an attempt; as it was, my family had been through enough, and my death was not something they would take in stride. If I failed and perished, they – especially the more fragile of the group – may never recover.

And if I succeeded… If I succeeded, we would all die, and that possibility was more than I could bare think about.

The hooves churned up the grass beneath us, so shining green that I’d almost believe it spun from emeralds if not for the soft whump of horseshoes on plant matter. My eyes gravitated downwards, and I swallowed, struck suddenly at the thought of my inexperienced partner finding themselves beneath the eight-legged Sleipnir, nausea rising in my throat.

I’m coming, my love. I’m coming. Please be safe.

Thor made us slow to a trot as we wound our way through passes and trails, bordered on each side by towering rock faces. He told tales of rivers that used to wind between the mountains, long run dry and leaving these paths in their wake, but I was only half listening. Somewhere on the wind was the distant sound of grunts and snorts, a nose-stinging stench carried by the breeze as it curled between the crevices. It was too far yet for Thor to detect, and I watched him silently as it grew steadily stronger, unable to find the words to describe the noises and scents I was picking up, until finally his spine stiffened. His hand raised, curling into a fist by his head as he drew to a halt and indicating for me to do the same.

My gaze skimmed over the set of his shoulders, analysing the line of his jaw as his head turned to follow the breeze. Half-turning, he looked at me with worry in his eyes.

“Mountain giants,” he muttered, seemingly uncomfortable at needing to keep his voice low. “Nothing we couldn’t handle, but not something we have time for. It’s best if we can avoid them.”

I nodded once, remaining silent to show my understanding, and he offered a weak smile before moving forward.

He’s nervous, I noted distantly, the realisation doing little to settle my own fear. … What makes the God of Thunder nervous?

The sounds came and went as we continued along the trail at a walk, each clatter of metal on stone making me wince, certain we would be discovered. At one point, the brutish groans rose to a din, echoing all around us, and I closed my eyes for fear I’d choke on the odour.

But eventually the perturbing noises faded, and we crossed the last peak, the land opening up once more beneath us.

The plains here were more interspersed, divided by winding rivers forged by majestic bridges, and forests sprawling across the landscape.

And a welcome party sat on horseback at the bottom of the slope, bows slung over their shoulders, luminescent and breathtakingly beautiful.

We approached slowly, leaving plenty of time for them to react as they saw fit, but Thor was smiling.

“The Light Elves,” he offered under his breath as the land began to level out beneath us. “The Ljósálfar, who reside in Alfheim, under the care of the Vanir god, Freyr. A benevolent and beautiful people, much like their leader; this place is a paradise of art and music. They receive visitors with grace – unless invoked otherwise,” he added, brow furrowing minutely. “… This border never used to be guarded.”

I saw his fingers twitch minutely, holding back the urge to reach for his hammer by his waist, and my own hands tensed instinctively around the reins.

One moved forward, his mount gleaming white in a dazzling sunlight, silver hair trailing down his back as he considered us.

“Thor Odinson, Prince of Asgard,” my companion introduced himself, bowing in his seat as much as his frame and armour allowed. “I humbly ask permission to cross your territory with this mortal in search of his mate.”

The elf smiled, bright and surreal, and I felt myself relax immediately, despite the anxiety previously coursing through me. “You seek the human who stole Sleipnir, yes?”

“Yes,” I interrupted quickly as Thor’s mouth opened, squeezing my steed forward gently to approach. “Yes. My partner – mate. Their name is Mars. They didn’t steal him, not really, they-”

“Peace,” the elf interjected soothingly, his hands raising. “We know of your mate and their quest. We found them fleeing the mountains with trolls on their heels – fear not, they are well,” he added quickly when I tensed in alarm. “They are recuperating from their flight in our village before they continue. We were on our way to alert the Asgardians to their theft, in the off chance that their story was inaccurate.”

“They’re here?” I clarified, looking around desperately, as if the elven residences would suddenly emerge from a mirage before my eyes. The elf smiled a little wider, nodding gracefully.

“We shall escort you to them. Come.”

My heart was pounding in my chest as we rode down a wide, seemingly gold-lined streets – an impressive biological achievement with the serum in each cell of my body, but such was my fear at ensuring my love’s well-being. It was all I had not to force the party to move faster, to demand that they get me there now under pain of death.

The elves spoke with soothing tones as we moved through towering homes, made of the same glimmering material that rang out beneath the hooves, their matching white horses walking in perfect synchrony with one another. Music and song radiated from glassless windows, lightening my soul no matter how I fought against it.

“They’re incredible,” I murmured, turning my head infinitesimally toward Thor. A soft smile was curving his lips at the edges, looking almost eerily peaceful.

“They’re thought to have given inspiration for the arts to the humans,” he replied quietly, the characteristic tension easing from his muscles with each note.

“I can see why,” I chuckled, shaking my head. While I had more to worry about, I was just as powerless as the god in the face of their intoxicating melodies, and soon found myself slumped in the saddle, willing to take my time.

They’re safe here. We’re all safe here.

We dismounted a few moments later, and the instant we crossed a threshold into one of the identical buildings, the music ceased, my head snapping up in surprise.

“One-way sound barrier,” Thor offered, chuckling. “They’d never get anything done otherwise.”

The words barely registered, however. My gaze was locked on the person sat on delicate, woven mats against the wall, beautiful and captivating – and the mats themselves were no slouch, either.

I was moving before they looked up, bundling their delicate, fragile, painfully mortal body into my arms with a soft sob against their hair, and they froze for a moment before tangling their fingers in my shirt.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have- But- But I had to-”

“I know,” I soothed gently, holding them tightly to my chest. “I know, sweetheart. It’s okay. I’m so glad you’re safe… I was so afraid…”

They sniffed, raising their head to peer at me from beneath tear-spiked lashes. “I’m sorr-”

Their words faltered as my mouth met theirs, kissing them deeply, hungrily, relishing every point of contact like a man starved. We were both panting lightly when I drew back, my forehead pressed to theirs. “You’re an idiot,” I breathed, affection laden in the words. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” they chuckled weakly, drawing back to look at me. “…You were right. I couldn’t- I… I can’t do this. We should go home.”

I considered them for a moment, their eyes full of more unshed tears, and set my jaw. “Setting off alone was reckless and dangerous. You could have gotten yourself killed.” They nodded morosely, looking away, and I offered a weak smile. “That’s why I’m coming with you.”

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the-chimeras-claws · 9 months ago

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Bucky: So what's your plan?

Juniper: I thought we could Steve Rogers it.

Bucky: at no point as any good ever come from using 'Steve Rogers' as a verb.

#bucky just collects impulsive weirdos thay hes in love with and i think thats beautiful #marvel oc #marvel self insert #self insert #self insert oc #juniper and bucky #shapeshifter oc #bucky barnes #self shipping #marvel self shipping #bucky barnes fluff #bucky x nonbinary oc

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dervampireprince · 1 year ago

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youtube

ASMR | Marvel - Bucky Barnes x Listener SFW Bucky Had A Nightmare, You Comfort Him

[M4A] [Left ambiguous enough to be x listener or x Steve or any other canon character] [Reverse comfort] [Nightmares] [Discussion of PTSD, trauma, brainwashing]

It's been a very long time since Bucky was last here and I've been getting requests for more reverse comfort's lately. Maybe you can give Bucky the hug he needs.

Custom audio commissions are open! Full public spicy audios on sound gasm (link in pinned post). 2 Exclusive spicy audios on Patreon every month. I also stream on Twitch every week @ dervampireprince . [minors + ageless blogs dni. this blog is for 18+ only.] [do not repost/reupload/edit any of my content]

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x listener #marvel #avengers #imagine #imagines #reader insert #male reader #female reader #gender neutral reader #nonbinary reader #the vampire whispers #avengers x reader #Youtube

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chromietriestowrite · 8 months ago

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I don't know how to be me anymore

Pairing : platonic!Buckyxgn!reader

Summary : Bucky's always felt different. When he finally starts being ready to figure out what it means, he turns to you to try and find out where to go from here.

Warnings : Nb!Buckyxnb!reader, tiny bit of angst, comfort, fluff, dragcreature!reader, Buck trying to figure out who he is

Word count : 2,494

A/N : Hi guys, I finally decided to post my second fic! I tried to write something as wholesome as possible. Hopefully some of you will find some comfort reading this.

English is not my first language. Don't hesitate to tell me if something is incorrect.

Bucky opened the door abruptly. His hair was a mess, as if he had been running his hands through them for a while. You could see he was nervous.

He had been cryptic in his text asking you to come over. You weren't sure what it was about but seeing his trembling hands, you knew it had to be important. You looked at him with a smile, trying to ease his nerves.

'Can I come in?'

He then registered the fact that you had been standing in his doorway waiting for him to move his body out of the way. He look at you sheepishly.

'Sorry. Please do come in. I'll get you some water. Are you hungry? I should have made us something to eat. I can heat up some leftov-'

'A glass of water is perfect. And I just ate before coming, thank you though'. You stopped his rambling, a reassuring look on your face.

He went to the kitchen to fill up two glasses with water.

'So, what did you want to talk to me about?'

He looked at you surprised. 'How do you know I wanted to talk to you about something?'

You smiled. 'Well I guess I know you that well. Or maybe I'm clairvoyant. Also, you might have sent me a text saying are you free, I need to talk to you about something.

'Oh, right' He chuckled a bit, his hand finding its way behing his neck, a slight blush colouring his cheeks.

You could see how hard this was for him, his hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt, he eyes looking everywhere and nowhere all at once.

'Hey, whatever it is, it's me you're talking to. I understand you're nervous but I’m here to listen. I'm not here to judge or give you unsollicited advice. I'm your friend, and I here, always. You can count on me.'

A small smile found its way on his face. He figured he might as well dive into it, no point in delaying it.

He had known he needed someone to talk to about this. Not just someone, you. And he felt ready. No matter how hard it was to actually say the words out loud, he wanted to.

He sat down on the sofa gesturing for you to do the same. He took a big breath, and started talking.

'Do you remember when you dressed me up and did my makeup for your show?'

A few weeks back, during one of your shows as a dragcreature, the public had to come wearing at least one item a drag queen/king/person/creature. Bucky had wanted to go all out. He always loved coming to your shows and was hell bent on being the fiercest in the audience.

You nodded. He had been praised by all your fellow drag performers, having shown up looking like a dark priestess, slaying makeup, hair, outfit and demeanor.

'I felt something as you were doing my makeup. I felt powerful and amazing when I looked at myelf in the mirror'

'I know. I saw how you face lit up. And I noticed how you kept staring at your makeup in the rear view mirror.'

Bucky blushed looking down.

'Don't be embarassed, I do it too.'

Bucky took a breath, you could see he had started to relax a bit. What he said next showed you he felt safe enough to open up.

'Back in the army, with the howling commandos, we went out for a drink one night.

We were exhausted, both physically and emotionally and it felt good to take a break. To not be soldiers but a group of people, having a drink, not thinking about the war raging around us.

Steve was having a hard time relaxing. He didn't know how to put the shield down, not even for one night. So the guys and I, we decided to go do a little private show for him.

We went to the dancers' tent and tried their USO costumes on. The amosphere was light, we were having fun being silly together.'

He took a pause. Looked down, his hands trembling harder.

'When I put on the costume, I felt that thing. The same thing I felt when you dressed me up. I felt b... I felt beautiful. It felt right.

And I had the biggest smile on my face. I twirled, I danced, I laughed. I felt like there was nothing that could take that feeling away.

Steve noticed. Of course he did. He knew me better than anyone. He didn't say anything though. Well, not with words anyway.'

A small, nostalgic smile crept up on his face.

'He stole one of the USO uniforms, the one I had on that night and gifted it to me. He said it was to remember that night by, but we both knew there was actually a way deeper meaning to it.'

Bucky looked at you, for the first time since he started talking.

'Did you know they kept it? It was in the museum along with the howling commandos' stuff from the war.'

You knew his question was rhetorical so you just nodded, urging him to keep going.

'While I was recovering in Wakanda, Steve visited me often. Well, he said he came for me but we all knew it was the goats really.' he joked.

The atmosphere felt lighter. Like the more he talked about this, the less scary it became.

You knew the weight of what he was telling you and it moved you to know you were the one he felt safe to talk about that with.

He kept going.

'After Okoye helped get rid of he trigger words, he came to celebrate. We spent the night drinking, laughing, remeniscing about our childhood.

He told me of his life since he'd been in this time. What he had learned, how he tried to build a life for himself here without really ever succeding. How he missed our world.

He felt that Captain America was all he was anymore. Steve Rogers had died that night on the plane and he never managed to get past that. He never really tried to give himself a new life here.

He was stuck in this time. I'm so happy that he got his chance to go back. To live the life he was always supposed to live.'

You could see how much he missed his best friend. He had talked to you about that before. The first time the two of you had talked was actually after Steve had gone. You were both overtook with emotion, sad to see a friend go and happy that he finally had a chance at happiness.

'We both knew I wouldn't want to but he did ask me if I wanted to go back with him. But I knew I didn't belong there anymore.

I don’t belong anywhere anymore... But I could and I want to.

'The night before he left, he came to me with a gift. It was that very same costume from all those decades ago. He had stolen it from the museum a few years back.

He told me that night when we dressed up was one of his fondest memories. One he held close to his heart. Because he understood that I had found a part of myself that night.'

A tear made its way down his cheek. His voice starting to get uneven.

'We never really talked about what I felt, what it meant, what I wanted. I think we didn't know how to. But he did tell me something that stuck with me.'

'He said that now, it was my responsibility to bring back the Bucky I was. Or to discover the Bucky I am. Maybe a bit of both.

This time suited me better than it ever did him. And here, I could actually have a chance to figure out who I wanted to be. Who I had been all this time without knowing, without having the luxury to be.

'I'm so grateful for that night. And I'm so grateful I got to meet the Steve you knew, even for a little bit.'

You looked at each other and smiled. Steve was the reason you two had met. Even gone, he had found a way to make both your lives less lonely.

More confidently now, he kept going.

'I made him a promise that night. To learn to never let anybody define or decide who I am. To learn that only I had the power to do that.'

A tear escaped you.

'That's beautiful Bucky. And really brave too.

I'm glad you had those moments. Even if they were few and far between.'

Bucky smiled. He took a moment to think back. He was grateful to have been able to experience those tiny little moments where he felt whole. But he wanted more.

He looked at you expectedly.

'I asked you here because I need your help. I'm trying to figure out who I am. How to be the person I want to be now. How to be a person now. I know what I want to learn but I don't know where to start or what to ask.

Or who to talk to, exept you. I trust you, I have since the moment I met you. And you have taught me so much already. I'm asking you to teach me more. To support me and guide me through this journey.’

You smiled and took his hands in yours.

'You are so brave. And you should be so so proud of yourself. I know I am.

This is a potentially difficult and terrifying journey but oh how beautiful a journey it is. It won't always be easy, but no matter what you find out about yourself, it is worth it. Believe me.

We've talked about what the gender spectrum is and how it can express itself. How it's vast and both very simple and quite overwhelming. And how you don't have to know where you find yourself in it.

And the way you're feeling today, how you would define yourself today doesn't have to be the same as the way you feel tomorrow.

That's part of the beauty of gender.'

'Was it hard for you? Did you always know?'

'It was hard. Very hard at times. But it was also so easy. I didn't know, not for the longest time.

It came slowly at first. When I would read about transgender people, non-binary or otherwise, sharing their story, I would understand. I would relate even.

After a while, I allowed myself to realise that if I felt like I understood, like I knew where they came from then maybe it was where I belonged.

The more I thought about freeing myself from the binary, the lighter I felt. The closer to myself I felt.

I was lucky enough to have very supportive friends who were by my side as I naviguated all the questions and changes that came.

They never rushed me or asked me to know exactly who I was or to have any sort of answer. They understood that I was trying to figure out my identity. That I felt as lost as much as I felt found.

I can't tell you it will go well with everyone because unfortunately it won't. But I hope you know you can find that kind of support with me. I think you can find it with Sam too, if you want.’

He nodded. He might not be ready to talk about that with Sam yet, but he did know he could.

'The world has evolved, but there are still some people who don't want to accept it or who don't want to see it. And they can be so violent in their need for us not to exist.

And then there are people who will love you and accept without ever really understanding. Not because they don't want to. They just can't seem to, i guess?

My family is that way. When I came out to them, they asked questions. Tried to understand what it meant, how it felt like. And no matter how much they tried, they never really did understand.

You looked down.

'They are the only people who still use my deadname you know.

Some of them because they are having a hard time wrapping their heads around the idea that I'm not the person they saw me as. Some of them refusing to accept that I'm not actually the person they saw me as.'

'I'm sorry y/n. I know how much it hurts you.'

'Yes, it does hurt. When they use my deadname, when they don't use the right pronouns. When they invalidate me feeling bad when they do that.

But they still love me. Me being me has never changed the way they love me.

Of course I wish they would respect who I am. And I know my situation would not be acceptable for some people. And I get that I really do.

Having your parents still love you after you come out shouldn't be something to be grateful about. But for now, I guess having their love has to be enough for me.'

You took time to reflect. Thinking about how your family is handling your transition hurts, and it's hard to navigate not wanting to lose them while asking for them to respect who you are.

You tried to find the right words.

'My family is the one I made. The one I'm making, the one I'm choosing everyday. Composed of both relatives and the amazing people whom I love and want to share my life with.

And you are one of them you know. One of the people who sees me for who I am and loves me unconditionally.

And I love you and I see you.'

You were both crying. Not sad tears, maybe not happy tears either. But the tears you get from beeing seen. Truly seen. The tears you get from feeling the love someone has for you. The tears that make you feel like maybe you can learn to love yourself that way too.

He smiled.

'I love you and I see you.'

'I'll by your side, Buck. Through this journey and any other, always. I'll support you, I'll be there when you need a hug, a book, a sickening makeup, a person to cry with, a person to laugh with. When you need my wonderful vegan banana bread.'

He laughed. You loved hearing him laugh.

'I mean it. I'm here, for it all. I love you.'

He came closer and took you in his arms. Held you so tight. You stayed like that for a while, neither one of you ready to let go. He was crying. You could feel a wet spot growing on your shoulder. You didn't mind. He put his head in the crook of your neck and whispered

'I love you.'

Thank you for reading and remember you are loved ❤️

You can always come to me if you need someone to talk to. We have to be there for each other 🥰

#bucky x reader #buckyxnonbinary!reader #nonbinary!reader #nonbinary!Bucky #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x you #platonic buckyxreader #queer!bucky #marvel fanfiction

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gay-jewish-bucky · 2 years ago

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random question! but what’s your opinion of the Ftm!Steve and NB!Bucky headcannons? i personally love them

I enjoy them and strongly support them! I often use Bucky as a vehicle to explore my own complex relationship with gender lmaooo.

#marvel #mcu #steve rogers #bucky barnes #ftm steve rogers #nonbinary bucky barnes

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42donotpanic · 1 year ago

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Home

Summary: Bucky comes home from a fight.

Pairing: WinterHawk (Clint Barton x Bucky Barnes)

Word Count: 1012

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Tags: Slice of Life, Domestic Fluff, Cold, Pain, Cuddling

Written for:

@endlesstwanted

@winterhawkbingo : Nonbinary!Bucky

@flufftober : Candles, Lanterns, Fairly Lights (Prompt Extras)

#flufftober #flufftober 2023 #winterhawkbingor5 #clint barton #bucky barnes #nonbinary bucky barnes #nonbinary

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carnival-dollhouse · 1 year ago

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I LOVE NON-BINARY PEOPLE

#bucky barnes posts things #nonbinary

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liuwithheadcanons · 2 years ago

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Non binary Bucky Barnes in all my Marvel AUs because I self project into him and is like “is okay being perceived as birth sex but also is disconnected to it�� but trying to write down these feelings in writing so so HARD cause it’s so complicated in my head 😭

Bucky’s gender in my head is like mine for real except I’m a non binary (woman) instead of a man

#liu talks #Bucky Barnes is non binary fight me #James “Bucky” Barnes #my gender feelings in a nutshell: nonbinary - bigender - genderfluid - girlflux - demi girl and Genderfaunet #self projection #im Pomogender but call myself non binary cause it’s easier #nonbinary bucky barnes

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luckycl0ve · 1 year ago

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pin-up bucky for pride month 🤠🏳️‍🌈

NSFW version and WIP sketches available to the public on my patreon (no minors please)

#Bucky #Bucky Barnes #pride month bucky #nonbinary bucky #there are pictures of lizards on the patreon post bc i don't want my patrons to get smacked in the face w genitals when they open #their 'james posted on patreon' emails 😵#your honour. i. the #pride bucky #pride month #pride

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ghostsandmirrors · 4 months ago

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well, mother, what the war did to my legs and to my tongue, you should've raised a baby girl, i should have been a better son. if you could coddle the infection, they can amputate at once. you should've been-- I could have been a better son.

- mama by my chemical romance — original images: [x] | [x] | [x] | [x] | [x] | [x] | [x] | [x]

texture credits! n/a

#ooc #crow edits #bam napier : queer chaotic energy #bucky barnes : a wanted man #verse : sad farm dad jesus #I still haven't given Bam a version of that verse despite her living there. bro #I was doing this last night‚ saved it‚ closed gimp‚ then realised a lyric was wrong on the edit #i was ready to start a fight with the universe i s2g #also found a gerd photo i had never seen before and found out the photographer did a lot of the ICONIC my chem photoshoots #tw: gun #tw: weapons #tw: weaponry #'you should've raised a baby girl i should've been a better son' hits different with nonbinary-ness

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a-strange-echo · 1 year ago

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Flufftober day4: "Cinderella moment"

Pairing: Pre-serum!Steve Rogers x gn! Reader

Summary: When working on fixing a boat on a hot day, Steve can't help but compare himself to Bucky again. Luckily, Y/N is there to remind him what really matters.

Word count: 555

Warnings: self-estime issues, self-worth, other than that, none, pure fluff

Author's note: finally up to date! WOO!

Author's feelings: wasn't too sure about it at first (at think you can tell by reading it) but I'm really glad with the end and the way it turned out!

Y/N, Steve and Bucky had been friends since childhood, there wasn’t a moment when one wasn’t with the other. Even when they would fight (which was rare) it wouldn’t last long. They were best friends and will always be, no matter what happens. Bucky knew of Steve’s feelings for Y/N and would often tease him about it, although never in front of them. Bucky felt something changed in the group dynamic when they were around 19 but he was fine with it, he could manage Steve constantly gushing over Y/N when in private. He would much rather deal with a head over heels Steve that with a crying, heartbroken Steve.

“-Are you sure you guys don’t want to take a break?” Y/N asked from their sitting spot on the dock.

“-Yes, we will be over soon.” Bucky yelled from the other side of the boat.

Both he and Steve got hired by a nice old man from the dock who asked for help to fix his boat. The boys and Y/N agreed, but it was very hot today and Y/N opted to take a break and drink a nice chill glass of water while the men continued to work but with now their shirt off. Sometimes, a few young ladies and gentlemen walking by would stop to admire and talk with Bucky but it wasn’t who Y/N got their eyes on.

“-Oi, stop mashing! Poor Stevie is doing all the work!” Y/N called for Bucky. “Although I’m not complaining for I have a very good view…” they said having, indeed, a nice view of Steve’s frail back and butt. “He looks like he could use some help.”

Nobody could see it but Steve blushed like crazy from the comment. What Y/N saw however was the nasty look one of the men sent their way after assessing Steve. Their only response to that was to glare harder and appear meaner to scare the guy and to show Steve was well protected.

“-Then why don’t you help him?” Bucky asked, not really annoyed by the interruption.

“-I’m not strong enough.”

“-Y/N, I don’t need help.” Steve intervened.

“-Stevie, not to offense you, but you look like you are going to pass out. Take a break.” their voice was immediately softer when addressing to him.

Steve sighed but complied, putting the tools down and walking toward the dock, starting to feel dizzy. Y/N patted the empty spot next to them for him to sit and he did. He grabbed a coke that the old man gave them from the cooler next to him, trying to cool down. The two watched the scenery. It wasn’t the prettiest by all means but in this instant, they were the only existing on this dock. The sun was soon going to set and the distant chatting of Bucky and other passers-by were a nice change in pace compared to the buzzing of the city.

“-Do you think I could be like him one day?” Steve asked and Y/N didn’t have to look at him to know he was referring to Bucky.

“-Why should you be like him when you are already so much more?” They asked back. When he didn’t respond and only looked down, blushing, Y/N put their head on his bony shoulder. “Besides, I’ve always preferred smaller men.”

#skinny!Steve Rogers x reader #pre serum steve x reader #pre-serum steve #nonbinary #non binary character #flufftober2023 #fluff #flufftober #queer Steve Rogers #bisexual #bisexual steve rogers #pansexual bucky barnes #pansexual #lgbt writers #lgbt #lgbtq

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voiceoffenrisulfr · 1 month ago

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Near Misses and Nearly Missed - Chapter One Loved or Lost?

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> James "Bucky" Barnes x Original Nonbinary Character (Soldierbug)

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 -> The soulmate part was just the way the world worked. The car crash? That was a little more unexpected. Sometimes a 'crash-into hello' is a little more... Crash-y.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 -> 9039

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> (E) Smut, Car crash (mild), distress

𝐀/𝐍 -> Less Romance, More Smut. Sorrynotsorry.

Check it out below, or on AO3 here! Dividers by us!

Prompts used (boards at the end);

- ‘Obsession’ – Any Fandom Dark Bingo( @anyfandomgoesbingo) ; - ‘First Meeting’ – Build-a-Bucky Bingo (September) ( @buckybarnesevents); - ‘Soulmate AU’ – @eclipsingbingo; - ‘Laughing While Kissing’ – Eclipsing Bingo (Dark); - ‘Wet Dreams’, ‘Scarring’ – @fandom-free-bingo Bingo (Flight); - ‘Double-Ended Dildo’, ‘Walking in the Snow’ – Fandom-Free (Frosty);

- ‘Fleshlight or Dildo’ – @julybreakbingo (5x5); - ‘Car Crash or Trapped in a Burning Building’ – July Break Bingo (6x6); - ‘Accidental Confession or First Kiss’, ‘Meeting someone they’ve been having romantic/sexual dreams about’, ‘Unexpected’ – July Break Bingo (7x7); - ‘Trust or suspicion’ – July Break Bingo (Kofi Exclusive); - “Why Are You Looking at Me Like That?”, ‘Cabin in the Woods or Stranded Without a Signal’ – July Break Bingo (Summer);

- ‘Dom Space’ – Kinky Things Happen Bingo (deactivated?); - “Taste So Good… So Sweet…” – @lgbtqbingo; - ‘Character A's Deepest Thoughts Begin to Mark Character B's Skin Wanting to Do Dirty Things. It Could Be Embarrassing at Times, and Character B Can't Wait to Fuck His Soulmate’ – @multifandom-flash (Soulmates); - ‘Crash-Into Hello’ – Multifandom-Flash (Valentine’s Day); - ‘Fuck Me’ – Sweetheart Bingo ( @sweetspicybingo);

‘It’ll happen for you one day… Right?’

I slammed my hand against the steering wheel, seething. How dare they? Just because they’re married now, they think they can accuse me of being a… A…

Snarling once more, I jerked hard on the wheel, the tyres skidding on loose asphalt as I skidded around the bend.

Just because I haven’t met them yet doesn’t mean they’re not still out there. I’m twenty-seven – I’m not that old. There’s still time. I’m not Lost. I’m not.

There was nothing in this world society pitied more than the Lost. Everyone had one – at least one – perfect person, a match just for them – be it platonic or romantic, as they needed. Usually in pairs, though triads, quads, or even bigger groups had been known to happen. The only given was that the Older, or Olders, were alive when the Younger turned eighteen. Usually, they met within a few years.

Which meant that either my Soulmate was younger than expected, or…

When the Younger was old enough, each time they thought of touching their Soulmate, the touch would show on the Older’s body, just for a few moments. It was thought to be so the Older knew it was time.

I’d never known a Younger who’d gotten past twenty-five before meeting their soulmate.

But maybe I’m just really unlucky. There’s stories about Soulmates living in different countries and not meeting until they’re both well into their thirties. Sure, it’s really rare, but it’s possible; it’s gotta happen to someone, why not me? Or – yeah, maybe they’re just younger than I thought. But I’d know if they were gone.

Right?

That was the other option, of course. The one only hinted at, or whispered about behind cupped hands.

The only guarantee for Soulmates is that they’d both be alive when the Younger turned eighteen.

That didn’t mean they’d live long enough to meet.

And that was the greatest fear for so many of us, increasing steadily as the years ticked by. The Lost weren’t rejected or ostracised from society – but they were very clearly other. As if not meeting your Soulmate wasn’t bad enough, you also lived life as a sad example of the height of loneliness and isolation. There were other Lost, of course – but people just seemed to view that as even worse, because ‘isn’t it just so sad, wanting what they can’t have?’

The Bonded didn’t have Lost friends. It’s just the way it was – no hard feelings. Bonded had weddings and playdates to attend to; how could a Lost understand or fit into that world?

And it was happening to me already. Rhodey and Pepper had been shooting me sympathetic glances all evening – the first time they’d hosted since they married the month before. I was the only Unbonded there – not Lost, not yet, but close. And I suppose she’d tried to be reassuring in a way, implying that there was still time, but…

But I just felt even more like the other; I already knew that it was only because of Steve that I was even still invited at all. We’d been best friends our entire life and served in the 108th together for four years – I’d looked after this scrap of boy, carrying his unconscious body to safety, collapsing from blood loss at the sight of an Allied convoy, my exhausted body finally giving in. I knew he’d argue in my defence, pointing out that I saved his life – but it wouldn’t work forever. Eventually the invitations would stop coming, and that would be that.

Lost.

I stood in my boxers in front of my mirror every night, hoping against hope that I’d see a glowing palm – or, hell, I’d take a fingertip – brush over my body. Everyone had said you could feel it – a gentle warmth of skin-on-skin - but I checked anyway, just in case.

And when I slunk to bed at last, flesh cold and heart sinking, I sent out a message of my own.

Just in case.

I pictured trailing my thumb gently over a delicate lower lip. I imagined cradling them to my chest, safe and warm. I fantasised about tucking a stray hair behind their ear, pressing a tender kiss to a sleep-warm cheek.

And sometimes, in the dark of night when I couldn’t sleep, I thought about other things, too.

That lip pulled between my teeth, applying gentle pressure until they groaned aloud and held me tighter. My hands holding them tight to me as they panted and gasped euphorically. Fingers tangled in their hair, face buried in their throat, lips pressed to their skin as we finally made love…

I wondered, as I found desperate release, metal fingers clinging frantically to the sheets, if there was someone out there who was shivering in pleasure at the warmth of my touch, driven to mind-numbing climax without ever having to raise a finger, their body glowing in the darkness.

I wondered what it would be like to hold them against me as I drifted off, hoping that someone somewhere, was smiling in their sleep and curling around a strip of soft light at their waist.

All I’d ever wanted was to meet my Soulmate. When I was younger, I’d never even considered the fact that I may not get the chance.

And now others had started to notice I was still Unbonded… It was the first step to being Lost.

Despite my anger and fear, the thought of touching them – in both the most innocent and sensual of ways – acted as the distraction it always did, my hands softening on the wheel.

I was going too fast, and I wasn’t paying attention.

When I rounded the next bend straight into a set of high beam headlights, I hissed and tugged instinctively on the steering wheel, eyes narrowing automatically.

But I was going too fast, and I wasn’t paying attention.

My wheels met the loose gravel at the side of the road once more, and I yelped as my tyres spun in a spray of asphalt, uselessly seeking friction as I fishtailed. My body jerked as the edge of my bumper clipped the passing car, and I pumped the breaks, turning into the skid and coming to a stop, heart pounding.

I sat still for a moment, inhaling a few shaky breaths before I was able to uncurl my fingers from the steering wheel, my mouth dry as it occurred to me just how close I had been to a far more serious accident. Climbing from the car, I intended to take a moment, inhaling the cool night air to let my annoyance dissipate- but the sight of the other car idling 100 metres down the road had me stopping in my tracks, nausea rising.

Fuck. Fuck…

What if they’re hurt?

What if-

The door opened slowly, one muscular, short-clad leg revealed as a foot found the ground uncertainly. Then came another, followed by tanned hands grasping door and frame firmly, the occupant stumbling as they rose from the car.

I stepped closer instinctively, though my concern was somewhat abated by their capacity to stand. “Are you alright?” I called hesitantly, apprehensive about moving my 6ft, well-muscled frame closer to this individual several inches shorter than myself – and likely shaken – on a dark, relatively remote country road. They leant heavily against the hood, poking thoughtfully at the bodywork as I moved nearer in response to their silence. “Hello?” I pressed, concern building once more at their silence and blatant refusal to look at me. “Hey! Are you okay? I’m so sorry; I didn’t even-”

I was ten paces away when they straightened and turned, arms crossing over their chest as they settled dark eyes on me, shining in the low light. “I’m fine,” they snapped, the slight tremor in their voice undermining the ferocity. “What the hell were you doing? Why did you swerve like that?”

I furrowed my brow in confusion, stunned into silence for a moment before shaking my head hard. “Your lights were too high; why didn’t you turn them down when you saw me?”

Their mouth opened furiously, but they paused before it snapped closed with an audible click, cheeks flushing dark. “You shouldn’t have been on the wrong side of the road!”

“I couldn’t fucking see!” I snapped, fists clenching by my sides in irritation. “Why weren’t you paying attention?”

They blushed harder, overwhelmed tears pricking their eyes. “I-… It doesn’t matter. What about you? If you’d seen me coming and not dropping my lights, you should have flashed me! Forget about me; why weren’t you paying attention?”

The question had me casting my mind back, and I couldn’t help but smile softly to myself, thinking once more of my hands resting lightly on my soulmate’s back. The person before me shivered, drawing me reluctantly back to the present once more, and I frowned. “Cold?”

“No, it’s a beautiful evening,” they deadpanned, sparing a glance to the snow falling steadily and rolling their eyes. “Of course I’m cold; I wasn’t expecting to be getting out of my car whilst driving through upstate New York, at night, in November. I didn’t really dress for the weather.”

I took them in once more, eyeing shorts and tee, topped with a thin checked overshirt that did little to keep out the chill. “No,” I agreed, pursing my lips, pausing only briefly before shrugging off my thick leather jacket and offering it to them wordlessly.

Their large, brown eyes remained oblivious to the proffered clothing, fixated instead on trailing the length of my arm, t-shirt offering no covering to hide the segmented metal of my prosthetic from view. The silver shone faintly in the low light of the moon, and I grimaced at their stare, looking away. “… You want the jacket or not?” I quipped, biting back a smirk as they turned crimson, ashamed of having been caught out.

“I- Yes. Sorry. Thank you…” They took the jacket timidly, hardly able to meet my gaze, and I sighed as their cold fingers struggled to manoeuvre the leather into position. My metal hand closed once more around the collar, and they dropped it quickly, earning a frustrated sound and an arched eyebrow.

“Are you going to do that every time you can see my arm?”

They reddened once more, scuffing a foot and looking away uncertainly. “Sorry,” they murmured with a guilty grimace. “I’ve just- I’ve never seen… I mean, I-I’ve not…”

I sighed as I moved around them, helping them slide their arms into my body-warmed leather. “I get it. I’d stare too.” My fingers flexed of their own volition as I smoothed the collar down gently, and my lip curled. “I did, actually. Saw a few guys come back from the front with replacement limbs not twelve months before I shipped out. Damn sure I stared at the first guy I saw; both of his legs were prosthetics. I remember thinking it was… Amazing, in a way, the things we could do now, but…” I shrugged a shoulder, eyes lowering as I took a half-step back. “I also remember thinking how much it sucked that these things were needed.”

They grimaced sympathetically, head half turning. “Yeah… I wish it weren’t necessary.” They paused for a moment, and I watched with curiosity as snowflakes clung to their eyelashes, each dendrite visible at their proximity. “… Does it… Does it hurt?”

Humming thoughtfully, I looked down at the metal fingers, watching those same snowflakes land on the surface without melting. “… It… Sometimes, I guess. Mostly at the shoulder, but…” I shrugged, jaw tight, trying to ignore the searing, insistent discomfort that burned along the line where metal met flesh each time I thought about my injury. With a firm shake of my head, I looked back at their car, and the snow beginning to fall heavier. “We should get out of here. This storm is gonna break soon, and we don’t want to be on the roadside when it does.”

A worried glance to the sky had them frowning a little, and they nodded, pulling out their cell. They sighed as they held up their phone, scowling deeply. “Of course there’s no service… Why would there be service when I need a tow?”

I cocked my head, eyebrow raising. “I only clipped you – surely it’s driveable?”

“Popped a tyre when I hit the loose gravel,” they muttered sullenly.

“No spare?”

They hesitated, blushing once more, feet shifting with embarrassment. “That was the spare. I put it on a few weeks back – guess I figured there’d always be time to pick up a replacement…” The second eyebrow joined the first, and their scowl deepened. “What? I struggle to remember these things; don’t act like you-”

“Who, hey,” I soothed, hands raising defensively. “I’m not acting like anything; I was just thinking what could have happened if you’d blown it while you were up here alone. It’s a little treacherous in the snow – most locals take the longer way, and we don’t get many tourists. It could have been days until anybody passed through,” I added, concern lacing my voice.

They shivered, pulling my jacket closer around themselves and gazing uncertainly into the woods at the dramatically timed howl of a coyote. “Oh…” A think smile flickered at their lips, and their eyes flicked back to mine. “Guess I’m pretty lucky you were here then, huh? Though I am still stranded out here,” they added, chewing uncertainly on their lower lip.

“You can spend the night at my place, if you like. Or I can call a tow when I get home,” I added quickly, throat bobbing when they eyed me uncertainly. “I get it if you don’t want to crash at a random guy’s house – it’s a dangerous world out there, after all.”

Something in my tone made their taut muscles relax minutely, though they still glanced at me with shy appreciation and apprehension.. “I… That would be good. Thanks.”

After I’d helped them move their car fully free of the road – and readjusted my slightly misaligned wing mirror – we were on our way, their small, trembling frame seemingly swallowed by the heated seat that cradled them. I drove carefully through the steadily increasing blizzard, sobered of my previous anger by the bizarre turn of events.

“Mars,” they blurted suddenly into the silence, hands extending to be closer to the heater, their fingers flexing with a slight grimace. “That- I mean, that’s my name. Mars.”

I chuckled softly, shaking my head at my own forgetfulness. “Mars… Cool name. I’m James, but most folk call me Bucky.

They frowned, digits stilling for a moment as they considered me. “Why? Do you hunt deer or something?”

The laugh this time was louder, joined by a grin at the disapproval evident in their tone. “No. My middle name is Buchannan – my friend thought it was cute when we were kids, and it just kinda stuck. I’ve been ‘Bucky’ for way longer than I was ever James – only my mom calls me that now, really.”

They hummed and nodded, relaxing once more at the reassurance – as if my vow that I didn’t kill Bambi was a comment on the likelihood that they were in danger. “…Won’t your Soulmate mind you bringing back a stranger in the middle of the night?”

The probe was obvious, but I didn’t let it rattle me, simply shrugging light-heartedly. “Unbonded,” I offered before shooting them a wry smile. “What about yours? Didn’t fancy a little near-death experience?”

“I’m Unbonded, too,” they replied readily, scowling when my eyes shifted automatically to the silver flecks in their raven-black hair. “I’m not Lost, even if I am a little older than most. My Soulmate is a Younger, and I know they’re still thinking of me.” I just nodded in response – it was a common lie in the community of the Lost from those desperate to avoid the label, impossible to disprove as it was, and so it was hard to put much faith in without proof – and their frown deepened. “I know you don’t believe me, but just you wait. They think about me all the time, you’ll see. I’m not Lost.”

I nodded again, more firmly this time, hands raised with an imploring expression. “Whoa, hey – whatever you say. I don’t have any particular feeling about it one way or the other.”

They watched me for a moment, eyes narrowed, before turning back to face the snow falling thick and fast against the windscreen. That’s why I’m out here, you know. I’m not from here.”

I snorted softly as I turned into the dirt trail that constituted my driveway. “You don’t say?” I deadpanned. “The English accent definitely didn’t give it away.”

They chuckled. Shaking their head. “I mean, technically, I’m not from England, either. Mum met Dad while she was working as a nurse in Egypt, and he was doing his mandatory service; I was three when her contract expired, and she wanted to move home more than Dad wanted to stay in Egypt, so…” They shrugged, looking out of the window with an inscrutable expression. “I’ve lived in London ever since then. Visited family in Egypt a couple of times, though. It’s pretty fun, even if it is a bit of a culture shock.”

“And now you’re here?” I pressed gently, bringing the car to a halt with the engine idling, too enraptured by their story to consider such mundane practicalities.

“And now I’m here,” they agreed, glancing back to me. “I hit thirty-five, and I just… Couldn’t wait anymore, you know? So I travelled around the UK a bit, hoping to bump into my Soulmate. When that didn’t work, I figured I’d just… Keep going.” They shrugged a little, eyes sliding past e and widening as they focused on the building behind me. “This… You live here?”

I nodded, scratching the back of my neck uncertainly. “Yeah. I know it’s not much, but… It’s quiet, y’know? Out of the way. Keeps me out of trouble, at least,” I added with a wry grin.

“It’s beautiful,” they murmured, still taking in my cabin with wide eyes. “Very cottagecore.”

“I don’t know what that means,” I replied with a snort, shaking my head in amusement. They shot me a broad, impish grin, and I smiled back, captivated by the small dimple that formed in their left cheek.

I wonder if my Soulmate has any cute, unique things like that? I mused to myself, then grinned a little wider, imagining skimming a thumb over a similar dimple as I reached for my doorhandle, looking back as an icy blast of wind sucked the heat from the vehicle immediately. “Jesus, it’s cold – we should get inside befo-”

My voice died at the sight of a brush of warm lift over their cheek, trailing directly over their dimple and making their smile grown ever wider. “See?” they breathed, practically squirming with delight. “I told you. They’re still out there, and they think about me all the time. I’m going to find them,” they added determinedly, fingers knotting together in their lap with barely contained glee.

Coincidence. It – it’s probably just a coincidence. I shouldn’t get my hopes up – not until I know for sure.

But anxiety and fear had stilled my thoughts, and I could only blink dumbly. They all but scampered from the cat, warbling away with passionate energy, their own misgivings forgotten in the excitement as I followed slowly behind.

“I just spent a week in New York – man, is that place busy or what?! – and now I’m heading up to the Northeast for a couple of months; I hear Vermont is beautiful in the fall – does that extend to the winter, too? I hope so; I love the snow. Is it always like this?” They hopped into a snowdrift that covered their bare knees, cackling happily. “I hope my soulmate lives somewhere cool. It’s kind of funny, being half-Egyptian and all, but I really can’t deal with hot weather, not like my sister. Well, she handles it better than me, at least, but my cousins in Egypt handle it best! They came to the UK once, and they-”

Their incessant chattering was cut off with a yelp as they tried to leap from the snowbank, feet landing on a patch of hidden black ice that had their arms wheeling dramatically. I moved instinctively, fingers closing around their wrist to keep them upright, earning me a broad grin when they found their footing once more. “Christ – thanks! I bet it would’ve really hurt if I’d-… I…” Their eyes had dropped to follow my gaze, the glowing of their skin as I released them bold and unmistakable against a monochrome backdrop, finally rendering them silent. It wasn’t until the light began to fade that they blinked at last, oblivious to the snowflakes gathering in their hair.

“… Huh.”

My gaze shifted to their face, our contact finally breaking my mind free of its restraints, and envisioned reaching out to brush a thumb over their jaw - not a faceless stranger, but specifically this stranger, the oddball stood before me with a glowing stripe emerging across their skin.

They blushed, assessing their feet intently, still shyly unable to meet my eye. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You always knew I existed,” I replied with a soft shrug. “You knew I was out there somewhere.” While they struggled to look at me, I found myself quite unable to look away, captivated my small mole on their cheek and the delicate curve of long, dark eyelashes. “I worried that you… That we’d never get to meet.”

Their flush deepened as they glanced at me uncertainly. “But you never gave up hope. You reached out, every single night, holding onto me, and-” They cut themselves off as they turned crimson, teeth digging into their lip when they recalled what often came after. “That- that’s how I knew I had to find you. You were still hoping, even after all this time, and I loved that about you. Figured the lease I could do was help you out, y’know?”

I snorted, shaking my head. “And then I go and almost kill us both by being too busy thinking about you to pay attention to the road.” My eyes immediately lowered to their lips, remembering the fantasies of holding them close, sharing kisses from sweet and chaste to hot and heavy. They grinned shyly as their body glowed in response, and I smirked, one eyebrow raised. “So… Now what?” I pressed uncertainly, barely audible over the swirling of the wind, and they chuckled as they looked about themselves pointedly.

“I’m pretty sure the first step is to go inside; you know… Get out of the blizzard.”

I snorted, shaking my head at my own absent-mindedness. “Good point.” They smiled warmly and moved to take a step forward before crumbling with a whimper. I caught them as they fell, a hand beneath either forearm keeping them upright. “Are you okay?”

They lifted their foot with a wince, lip curling in discomfort. “I think I sprained my ankle when I slipped,” they grumbled, narrowing their eyes at the ground with distaste.

Chuckling, I shook my head once more. “Poor little critter… C’mere.” I offered my arms, and they blushed softly, wrapping their own around my neck obligingly. When I lifted them easily, holding them close to my chest, their body lit up along each inch of contact, casting a warm, comforting glow that set the snow around us aflame with refracted light, and I let out a quiet sound of wonder. “I didn’t expect it to be so… Beautiful,” I breathed, eyes wide, and they grinned, head resting gently against my shoulder as they nodded.

“It’s one of my favourite things in the world,” they agreed, gazing at the scattered illumination with a sense of adoration borne through familiarity. “I, uh… I actually used to have a whole bunch of crystals hanging all around my room, so it looked… Well, kind of like this, whenever you thought of me,” they admitted shyly, cheeks colouring.

I couldn’t help but grin at the confession, one hand shifting to find my keys as I loped up the steps. “That’s deeply adorable,” I chuckled, holding them a little closer while I unlocked the door. They squirmed happily, before becoming immediately distracted as I nudged the door open, head raising to look about themselves.

My cabin wasn’t much, but it was the work of my own two hands – and a few dozen others – and I couldn’t have loved it more. I offered them this information as I placed them gently on the wooden island in the centre of the kitchen, and they smiled, fingers trailing appreciatively over the mahogany.

“It seems idyllic,” they breathed, looking around once more. “You put a lot of work into this, huh?”

I shrugged, face heating a little as I turned away to peer in the cupboard under the sink, distracting myself with searching – far more than necessary – for my first aid kid. “Yeah, well,” I murmured, snagging the green bag. I didn’t say anything more until I was on my knees before them, their boot resting gently on my thigh as I untied their laces. “… I wanted to give my soulmate a beautiful life. I… Built this place for you, I suppose.”

The back of my neck burned as I removed the boot, and they sat silently for a moment. It was until I held their bare foot in my hands that I dared risk a glance up, startled to find them staring down at me, tears shining in their eyes. “… I’m sorry. I- Did I say something wrong?”

They laughed softly, wiping their eyes. “No. God, no. I just- I worried you’d think I was crazy, working so hard to find you. But you were doing a big, beautiful thing all of your own, weren’t you? I love that.”

I chuckled, gaze dropping shyly once more to probe at their slightly swollen ankle with gentle fingers. “It’s not much. I just… I had to do something to keep myself hoping, you know? Everyone was pairing up and finding their soulmates, and it was getting pretty tempting to just give up. I didn’t have any proof, after all. So I guess I… I decided to do something ready for if- when I found you.”

I didn’t look up as I spoke, focusing on wrapping their ankle in a supportive bandage, but the moment I was done, their fingertips brushed my arm, drawing my gaze to their soft smile. “I love it,” they murmured reassuringly, thumb still caressing my bare skin. I found myself blushing once more, clearing my throat as I stood, rubbing the back of my neck uncertainly.

“You’ll be okay. It’s a pretty bad sprain, but nothing’s broken; I’d recommend not driving for a few days, though.”

The words came automatically, and it wasn’t until a heavy silence hung between us that I realised the implications, both of us freezing with our eyes locked on one another uncertainly, before opening our mouths in unison.

“I can call a cab if you-”

“I’m happy to drive you somewhere, if-”

We broke off simultaneously, each letting out a soft chuckle, and they gestured me on, indicating for me to speak first. “I’ll drive you wherever you want to go, if that- I mean, unless you… You’re welcome to stay here, of course - that is, if you’d like to. I built it for you, after all,” I added, grinning sheepishly.

They nodded and blushed, assessing their wrapped ankle intensely. “That sounds nice.” They paused, they let out a short, sharp laugh, startling me. “Man, is it always this awkward? This seems like a terrible way for these things to work! We’ve just met, and we know we’re destined to spend the rest of our lives together? How the hell do we get from A to B? It should come with an instruction manual – I don’t know, icebreaker questions or something, you know? This is a lot of pressure!” They laughed again, and I snorted, shaking my head fondly.

“Okay – icebreakers,” I nodded, hopping up on the counter beside them, humming thoughtfully. “Any other siblings?”

They smiled gratefully and shook their head. “Just the older sister – Alice. You?”

“The same. Rebecca.”

Another nod, and they glanced around, seemingly searching for inspiration. “What do you do for work?”

I glanced down as my shoulder ached pointedly, flexing my metal fingers. “I got a pretty impressive payout from the Army for this, and that paid for a lot of the cabin, but I guess… I mean, I sell some stuff. Enough to get by, I suppose.”

“What kind of stuff?” they pressed, head cocked, and I blushed lightly.

“Photos and paintings, mostly.”

Their eyes widened, and they looked around eagerly as I chuckled. “You’re an artist? That’s awesome! Do you have anything you can show me?”

Snorting, I gestured at the wooden staircase ascending from the lounge. “My studio is upstairs – I’ll give you a tour in a little while, after you’ve rested that foot some. So, what about you?” I added, leaning into the centre of the table to snag a couple of water bottles. They took theirs with a polite smile, taking a long drag before answering.

“I’m a dog trainer,” they replied eventually, their grin stretching a little wider as they spoke.

“You love it,” I noted, and they nodded, eyes alight with joy.

“I do. Dogs are way better than people; there’s always a reason, you know? They’re not malicious for the sake of it; if they’re nervous or reactive, there’s a motivation or a cause behind it, even if we don’t always understand what that is right away. I like trying to find it out.” They paused for a moment, then nodded, as if confirming their thoughts to be accurate.

I couldn’t help but smile at that – the eclectic blend of logic and emotion with which they offered their reasoning. “That’s a beautiful approach to it.”

Their cheeks coloured once more, uninjured leg swinging absently. “Hm…” Their face grew darker, and they lowered their eyes shyly. “… First kiss?”

I barked out a surprised laugh, eyebrow raising. “… Lucy. I was fifteen. You?”

“Marty. Fourteen.” They picked at their fingernails, unable to meet my gaze, lips parted as they prepared to speak once more, held back by their shyness. “… Virgin?”

My jaw opened with my shock this time, and I blinked silently at them for a moment, dumbfounded. Sex before Bonding – or even after – was rarely talked about, regardless of how prevalent it was; most people weren’t too bothered about waiting, and I knew that less than half of people hadn’t had sex before they met their soulmate. I knew Steve had lost his virginity in the Army, but other than that, I had no idea as to the pre-Bonded relations of my friends. The idea that I might one day be answering that question myself had never crossed my mind.

I scraped absently at the label on my water bottle, chewing on my lip. “… Yes. You?”

“No.” I looked up, and they shrugged. “Virginity is a societal construct – I only use it as a convenient shorthand to ask about your experiences. I’m not worth less because I wanted to experience pleasure. People who haven’t had sex before they get designated Lost quite often never do; I wasn’t risking that, and I had several years before I started having Touches. So… Yeah, I had a couple of short things. I wanted to know what it was like, just in case, you know?”

I shook my head quickly, hands upheld. “No judgement. I’d probably have done the same.”

Frowning, they cocked their head to one side. “Why didn’t you?” they probed gently, and I stiffened infinitesimally, looking away. “You don’t have to tell me, not if y-”

“I’m transgender,” I murmured, still fiddling with the plastic in my hands. “I didn’t- I was never… Comfortable. I kissed a friend once, when we were younger, but…” I shrugged, blushing minutely at the memory of Steve and I at sixteen, awkwardly bumping lips in an innocent experiment, before determining we were definitely not attracted to one another. It would have been easy, had my soulmate been him – platonic, but simple. I could have lived that way. And if I’d been attracted to him, I could have had the experiences that being Unbonded, and later Lost, would have denied me, if I never found someone else I trusted so implicitly. But the spark simply wasn’t there, and the only thing that I feared more than never knowing what it was like was ruining my friendship with the man I’d known my entire life by us pushing through a cripplingly awkward experience.

They nodded once, leaning against me lightly. “Yeah, that makes sense. It wasn’t the easiest thing in the world for me; no chance in hell of me taking my shirt off! But I don’t regret it; I called the shots, so I did what I could to make myself comfortable, backed out when I realised I wasn’t up for it…” They nodded again, hand finding mine to rub their thumb comfortingly against my own. “I’m sorry you never had anyone you could feel comfortable with like that.”

Smiling gratefully, I rested my head against theirs, soothed by the soft touch and their calming pressure against my side. “Well… I mean, I always hoped you were out there. I figured I’d get the experience one day, if it were true.”

They chuckled quietly as a blush crawled up my neck, turning their head to press their lips lightly against the curve of my throat. “I’d be honoured to show you the things I learned, Buck.”

A low whine escaped me, the heat in my face intensifying at the sound and earning a quiet cackle of amusement in response. “I- hm. That… That might be nice. I mean… I guess you- you’re universally chosen for me, and everything… I’ve never heard of soulmates being anything other than a perfect match, after all… I guess you- we… It…” I fumbled uselessly, and they smiled, squeezing my fingers softly.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to – now, or ever,” they soothed, and I felt my muscles relax, leaning back into them.

“I know. Thank you,” I murmured, squeezing back. “I… Would definitely like to see how it goes.” My face flamed at the admission, but they simply smiled, pressing another tender kiss to my exposed throat.

“Well… I’m here for the next few days – at least,” they added, chuckling under their breath. “And we have… Well, forever, I guess. There’s no rush.”

I blushed and nodded, looking down at the hand entwined with mine, sun-kissed beige and warm olive wrapped together closely, the glow where their skin touched mine casting reverent light over our grip. My eyes dropped to their head, and I couldn’t help but imagine tipping their chin up gently, lips finding theirs in a chaste, perfect moment. I felt myself cringe inwardly from embarrassment as their face reflected my thoughts, and they grinned, glancing up at me. “I’d ask what you’re thinking about, but…” They smiled a little wider, free hand raising to smooth a thumb over their lower lip thoughtfully. “… I remember the things you thought about when I wasn’t in front of you – and this embarrasses you?”

“I didn’t know there was definitely anyone listening then… And you weren’t, you know, right there,” I added, chuckling self-consciously.

They gazed at me for a moment before their eyes dropped to my mouth, lips parting. “… Can I… Can I kiss you?”

I blinked in surprise, stunned to a brief silence by their boldness. “I- Yes. Please.”

I swallowed nervously as their hand shifted to cup my jaw, smoothing the stubble-roughened skin gently. “I can’t believe how beautiful you are,” they murmured, smiling softly. I had no time to formulate a coherent reply before their lips skimmed mine, soft and warm and intoxicating. The feeling of their mouth moving against my own was far more intense than I ever imagined, and I found myself whining softly in pleasure, hands finding their hips to pull them closer needily, letting out a low groan when their teeth skimmed my lower lip.

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fantasised about this,” I breathed when we broke apart to reluctantly drag in lungfuls of air, and they smiled shyly, cheeks tinged dusky pink.

“Pretty sure I know exactly how often you’ve fantasised about it,” they purred teasingly, forehead resting against mine. “You woke me up more than once, thinking about me in the middle of the night.”

“I’m very sorry,” I chuckled insincerely, skimming my lips against theirs once more, unable to help myself.

“Don’t be,” they whispered, hand moving to tangle lightly in the air at the nape of my neck. “The amount of times I wake up just in time for me to- And, I- Sometimes during…” They trailed off at the half-formed admission, cheeks flaming and eyes dropping with embarrassment.

“That’s exactly what I was hoping,” I murmured, a soft, breathless undercurrent to my voice. With a resigned, surrendering sigh. I lifted them easily, depositing them on my lap with a knee either side of my hips as they squeaked in surprise. “The thought of you knowing I was thinking about you – that I couldn’t sleep because I wanted to touch you so badly – and making you moan, wherever you were out there…” I trailed off with a shiver of delight, my fingers tightening on their waist when they squirmed minutely. “It saw me through many a dark and lonely night, imagining what I’d do when I finally had you at my mercy.”

They grinned shyly, arms resting on my shoulders. “Well… I’m here,” they noted, glancing around pointedly before fixing their eyes on me once more. “So… I offer myself up to your mercy, Sergeant.”

The blood thrumming in my veins heated as they pressed themselves to my chest, and I groaned, my hands travelling down to their ass to lift them as I stood, my mouth finding theirs desperately. Fingers knotting in my hair, they crushed themselves against me, mewling needily against my mouth.

“Still wanna see the studio?” I breathed as I climbed the stairs, drawing back just far enough to offer them a teasing grin. They laughed aloud, legs tightening around my waist.

“After,” they murmured, mouth flirting my own once more.

“‘After’, huh?” I whispered playfully, their cheeks turning crimson in realisation, and I nudged open the bedroom door with a shoulder. They sprawled willingly when I gentle deposited them on the bed, arms stretched over their head to offer themselves to me. Rapturously, I trailed kisses up their throat, spurred on and taking direction from their soft gasps and moans of appreciation. My body pressed closer to theirs unconsciously, one hand tangling in their hair as I kissed them again, leg falling instinctively between theirs. They mewled and arched against my thigh, fingers clenched around my biceps as quivered, legs parting eagerly. The movement caused their own short-clad thigh to press against me, and I grunted in surprise, eyelids fluttering at the contact. With a hum of delight, they pressed harder, shifting minutely, gaze lighting up when I moaned softly.

“That’s cheating…” I murmured, blushing infinitesimally, returning my mouth to their skin and leaving a trail of light bruises over the glowing flesh of their throat.

“Hm?” they purred, still rolling a leg against me teasingly, a playful smirk tugging at their lips despite wide, innocent eyes.

“I’m new to this,” I offered with a weak whine, hands shifting to their hips to pull them closer despite my half-hearted complaints. “You already know all the tricks…”

“You’re better than you think you are,” they assured me softly, lips ghosting over mine. “You’ve rendered me speechless a hundred times from a thousand miles away… I’m sure you’ll be even better in person.”

With a faint blush and a slow, steadying breath, I nodded, moving in to kiss them once more. They sighed happily, eyes closing as their lips moved against mine.

They were right, of course. By their own admission, my late-night fantasies had brought them plenty of pleasure. But it was easy to be skilled in my own fantasies… Reality was a different matter.

Nervous though I was, however, there was no way I was letting my performance anxiety getting the way of something I’d wanted for years. One trembling, inexperienced hand inched under the edge of their shirt to brush a thumb over the soft skin of their hip, relishing in their subtle tremble of delight. The way they reacted to my touch spurred me on, and my fingertips worked under their waistband, smirking when they nodded eagerly at my clarifying glance. The fabric travelled easily over their thighs, and I dropped to my chest between their legs, fingers dancing over damp cotton. A quiet sound of need and pleasure radiated in their chest as I trailed my lips over the tender flesh of their inner thigh, thumb pressing against their wetness, earning a sharp gasp. Hands tangled in my hair, and I looked up, silently prompting.

“Please,” they whispered, eyes wide with desperate desire. “Oh God – please, James…” Groaning weakly, I tugged down the thin, black underwear, wetting my lower lip unconsciously at the sight before me.

Their legs fell wider apart as I shuffled closer, driven by an irrepressible need to explore slick folds offered to me so willingly. The instant my tongue grazed over their wetness, they let out a pitiful mewl, pulling me closer unconsciously and eliciting a ragged moan of delight from my parted lips as I buried myself eagerly between their thighs. Their back arched to press nearer to my enthusiastic tongue, intoxicated as I was by their sweetness, one of my hands moving to probe at their entrance as they squirmed in delight.

The feeling of their body stretching and clamping around me frantically had my hips shifting in a futile attempt to ease the ache between my own thighs. With a quiet, breathless chuckle, they tugged gently on my hair, drawing my gaze to theirs. “Good?” they breathed, eyes flicking pointedly to my needy writhing. I could only hum against them in response, refusing to ease my ministrations for even a moment to confirm my pleasure, hand and tongue shifting in unison as they shuddered and twitched. “God, that- that feels- Fuck, Bucky…”

With a soft groan of delight, I buried myself deeper between their eagerly parted thighs, relishing every tremble and moan as their fingers tightened in my hair. “Buck- Bucky, James, fuck, I can’t- I-I’m going to-”

Whimpering desperately, I rutted in vain against the sheets as they arched against me, body tightening and spasming around me, a frantic wail echoing around us as they came undone under my tongue.

I was quite unable to come to a halt, fingers still moving slowly inside them as my mouth needily chased every last ounce of their wetness, delirious with delight and pleasure. My own core was throbbing and dripping with desire - but I steadfastly continued my ministrations, reluctant to stop before I had to. Eventually, however, they tugged weakly at my hair, guiding me away from their trembling pussy with a soft whimper.

“H-holy… Fuck…” they breathed shaking, a minute wince flickering across their features as one leg stretched out along my side, bones groaning with the effort of movement. I rest my cheek on their thigh, panting as I gazed up at them with wonder and want, relishing the encompassing taste of them still overwhelming my senses.

“You taste like the stars,” I whispered rapturously, eyes fluttering shut for just a moment. “I can’t believe how fucking good you taste.”

They blushed minutes as I looked up once more, flushed pink with pleasure and joy. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

I swallowed dryly, mind whirring at the possibilities, and I froze with indecision. I’d been fantasising about this day for a long time, and I’d covered a hundred different scenarios, each one now flashing before my eyes in a rapid rotation of pleasurable experiences I now had the opportunity to fulfil. “I don’t know where to start,” I admitted softly, and they offered me a tender smile, fingers caressing my hair.

“C’mere,” they murmured, tugging gently to draw me up beside them, oppressing close to my chest, one arm around my neck as the other hand found my hip, dipping lightly under the edge of my shirt to caress my skin tenderly as their mouth found mine. I sighed into the kiss, my own fingers curling into their hair needily.

“I’ve had so many fantasies that I just… I have no idea where to begin,” I breathed, earning a small, coy smile, their now-bare thigh pressing between mine and eliciting a quiet whine and a shuddering jerk of my hips.

“There was this one fantasy,” they mused playfully, slowly kissing along my jaw. “You had it a lot… I could feel your legs around mine, and you were stretching me out so much…”

I gulped, feeling my body tense at the thought. I knew exactly what they were referring to – an act that divided all those who tried, and one I was frantic to attempt. A wide line of light appeared over their thigh, and I blushed as they grinned broadly. “You like that idea, hm?”

Nodding weakly, my fingers flexed with desire, tongue passing over my lower lip dryly. “I love it,” I admitted faintly, and they beamed, fingertips shifting to my fly as they met my eyes, seeking my consent, the sound of my ripper deafening in the tense silence when I nodded.

My heartbeat pounded in my ears as they shed my jeans with tender, patient movements, pressing adoring kisses to the scarred skin of my thighs as each inch was revealed. They didn’t ask, but I knew they understood, each gentle pass of their lips over laddered flash soothing a disquiet anxiety in my soul of which I hadn’t registered the presence.

By the time the material was dropped to the floor with a hushed, heavy thud, my muscles were loose, the ache between my legs more intense than ever as their heavy-lidded gaze met mine. Settling themselves beside me once more, their fingertips danced lightly over my abdomen to tug gently on the hem of my shirt. This time, I found myself only too eager help, shifting upright to pull the clothing over my head with only the barest of thoughts for the scarring at either chest or shoulder, lost in the feeling of their hands mapping my skin attentively.

“You’re so beautiful,” they breathed as I lay back beside them, pressing a gentle kiss to my chest when I blushed, hyperaware of the warmth of their hand resting on my abdomen. “Can I touch you, James?”

I swallowed and nodded, breath catching as their fingers slid under my waistband, passing over short hair to reach between my legs.

The air rushed from my lungs at the first brush of their fingertips against me, the surreal experience of someone else’s touch caressing my wetness eliciting a quiet whine of delight. Reassured, they pressed closer to my side, one leg draping over mine as they trailed their palm along me lightly. “Mm, Bucky…. You’re so-” They cut themselves off, pausing in their ministrations as they looked at me for clarification.

“Wet,” I finished with only the barest hint of a blush, nodding reassuringly and rutting against them. “Fuck- you make my pussy so goddamn soaked…”

They groaned softly, face burying in my throat to nuzzle and kiss the delicate skin they sound there, fingers mercifully resuming their gentle caresses along my slick folds. “So soaked, my beautiful boy… I just want to make you feel so good…”

With a quiet whine, I hooked a thumb into my boxers, pushing them down needily and earning an affectionate chuckle for my desperation. The second I lay nude before them and their hand found me again, I let my legs fall apart, offering my dripping core to them shamelessly. Their purr was pure joy as they stroked and probed, searching for each spot that made me twitch ang groan and mewl pitifully.

My back arched when their finger slid inside me, an exhilarated moan falling readily from my lips, hand tightening in the sheets as I frantically pressed closer. The knowledge that this person, chosen for me by the universe, could make my nerves sing so sweetly – that they’d be able to do so for the rest of our livers together – made my head spin. Emboldened, I licked my lips, leaning over to my bedside table to draw out a long, black length of silicone, the flush barely rising up the back of my neck as I clutched it tightly.

“This what you want, hm?” I purred, my free hand knotting in their hair to kiss them deeply, grinding against their palm. “Best of both worlds, huh – stretching out that gorgeous cunt while I rub my soaked, desperate pussy up against it?” They gasped and nodded, hips already shifting against my thigh once more, the feeling of their juices coating my skin making me only more eager for them. With a reluctant groan, I shifted away from their tender touch, hungrily pulling their legs apart to offer their soaked heat to me once more and earning a shiver of delight at the motion. The sight of them spread before me, offered and leaking, eyes blown wide with lust and skin shining with ghosts of my thoughts, gave me pause for a moment, enraptured by my good fortune.

I was shameless as I shifted between their knees, my own legs parting, relishing the way their gaze consumed every inch of my exposed flesh just as ravenously as mine did theirs; I could feel myself getting wetter at their eyes on me, and couldn’t help but let out a soft moan of utter bliss.

Their own wetness lit up as I thought about pressing myself against them, and they mewled quietly, shifting closer. “Please… Please, James, fuck, I’ve wanted this for so long, don’t make me wait anymore…”

With a trembling exhale, I shifted the dildo between us, watching with a heavy-lidded gaze as it slowly stretched out their dripping hole. They whimpered and gasped, back arching to force it deeper before their hand took over for mine, eyes moving to my own proffered entrance. The feeling of the toy pressing into me as they moved nearer was more intense than I could ever have imagined, a deafening groan leaving me as I rutted closer, frantically taking more of the thick length in an effort to find some merciful friction.

When their wetness brushed my own, my mind snapped, and almost feral kind of need overcoming me. My arm wrapped around their thigh to jerk them closer and pin them to me, my pussy squarely meeting theirs, our wetness mingling in a lewd cacophony that had my pleasure spiking even higher.

The way the moaned and moved against me, grinding with an urgency that even my wild fantasies couldn’t have predicted, quickly had the blood in my veins fizzing with my impeding release. My hands grasped at them in a futile attempt to hold them closer, fingernails carving rivulets into their flesh, whimpering with desperation as their eyes met mine, hand closing around my metal wrist to cling to me. “Please,” they gasped, somewhere between a cry and a groan, their gaze flat black as their movements against me became irregular.

“Give me everything, sweetheart,” I grunted, sweat beading along the nape of my neck, losing myself in the building tremble of their muscles and the soaked cunt rutting frantically against my own, clit grinding and nudging until their back arched as they wailed.

Their pussy clenched and quivered, jerking the toy inside me, tears rolling freely down my cheeks as they cursed and sobbed, fucking themselves desperately through their climax. The sensation of their wetness intensifying, flowing freely and mixing with mine as they spasmed, dragged me over the edge, and I pressed closer desperately as I groaned, nails breaking skin as I fought to bury myself deeper, to have as much of our bodies in contact as I could.

Their name fell from my lips as a cry of utter ecstasy, vision darkening around the edges as I rocked through my orgasm, hips finally slowing and easing up as Mars’ body fell still, limp and depleted and whimpering softly in pleasure. When I halted at last, they half-lifted their head to meet my faze, aftershocks sending gentle jerks through their body. “I… Oh God, that was…”

I laughed weakly, shivering with the fading adrenaline. “Yes… Yeah, it… Fuck, it really was.” My movements were slow and clumsy as I drew back, relishing in their shaky whimper as the toy left their quivering body and letting out my own soft groan of pleasure and delight at the mess leaking from their stretched hole. “Beautiful,” I breathed, wincing with sensitivity at the drag of the toy over my own overstimulated pussy, dropping it aside to collapse beside them and pull their spent body to my chest carefully. “You okay?” I murmured, trailing a fingertip softly over the delectable curve of their jaw.

They nodded and grinned shakily, releasing a soft sigh of contentment. “I didn’t know it could feel like that,” they admitted quietly, and I pressed a gentle kiss to their hair.

“I didn’t know I could feel like that,” I agreed, my eyes drifting shut of their own volition as Mars burrowed closer into my side, one leg hooking over mine to press themselves nearer. “Stay,” I breathed as my muscles grew sleep-heavy, and they half nodded against me.

“Yes,” they mumbled, fingers tightening a little against my skin. “Yes, please.”

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