#non ghs posting sorry

[jeffreely]

get real

[ghouly-boiiiii]

*...slithers out of the darkness...*

Hey, yall. Sorry I've been away. But I'm back and writing more Ghoulcy. 👀

Update for A Light in the Dark coming soon. I'll also be posting some scenes from future chapters, cause I like them a lot haha. In fact, I'll leave you with a little taste of what's to come right now...

Warning: Touch starvation, Cooper being all self conscious and horny talk, incoming! Maybe a little NSFW

I hope you guys enjoy loads of soft but uncomfortably intense sexual tension.

¬‿¬

✧˖° ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⋆.˚⟡✧˖° ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⋆.˚⟡✧˖° ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⋆.˚⟡✧˖° ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⋆.˚⟡✧˖° ⊹ ࣪

“Dance with me.” Lucy insisted, clearly a bit tipsy.

“I already danced with you.”

“Dance with me again.”

The Ghoul huffed. “Why you wanna dance with me?”

“You’re a good dancer. Come on.”

“Ehh…” Reluctantly, he stood up. “Alright, fine. But just for a minute.” 

The two danced for a bit, but something was different this time, now that they were alone in the woods together again. Lucy’s demeanor towards him had changed. 

She ended up with her back to him, leaning against him with her hand over his, which was resting on her hip.

The Ghoul squirmed uncomfortably, as if he wanted to pull back. “I, uh… I think I’m gettin' tired.” 

“Aw… don’t get tired yet.” She brought up her other hand and touched his hat, turning to look at him. “...You wanna have sex?” 

The Ghoul held back a cough and sneered in confusion. “H-huh? What...? Why?” 

“I donno. For fun? Why not?”

He laughed nervously. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk. Okay, maybe, but just a little...”

“Forget it.”

“What? Don’t try to pretend you haven’t been giving me lines.” She pointed out, tapping his hat. “What’s the matter? You…” Her face scrunched up as a realization came over her, and she spun around to look at him, her hair whipping at her face, although she didn't even seem to notice how it fell around the curves of her jaw and clavicle. “You still… have it don’t you? Or is your nose not the… only thing that fell off…?” 

“That– That’s a very personal question…” 

Her eyes got big and she gasped. “It did!? Oh God. I’m so sorry.”

“No! No, I… I’m…” 

She smiled excitedly. “Still intact?” 

“Jesus…” The Ghoul squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head to the ground, then rubbed his forehead with his thumb and index finger. His expression was exasperation and disbelief. “What the... hell’s gotten into you, huh?” 

“A Sunset Sas.. sasa… parilla…? I think… Is that what it's called?” 

He exhaled, paused, then looked up and flashed her a grin. “...No.”

“Oh, come on.” 

“No fuckin’ way.” 

“Aw... you’re no fun.” She pouted, then turned and walked away.

“Heh…” The Ghoul’s smile faded and he swallowed hard. He blinked, and a shiver ran through him, as if long dormant instincts were kicking in again. And he was surprised when he felt his heart start to pound harder than it ever had in any gun fight. “Y-you… you really want to…?”

Lucy swung her hips in a sultry pendulum and looked over her shoulder at him. "Unless you think I’m too much for you… old man.” 

His throat shook as he let out a careful exhale. “Ah… But... I don’t get it… You hate me…” 

“Eh… you’re not so bad…” She said, pulling the tie out of her hair and letting her smooth, brunette locks fall over her shoulders. “I think you’ve made up for most of it, anyway.”

The Ghoul aggressively chewed on the inside of his cheek. “But you got eyes, don’cha?” He pointed to his face. “You wanna fuck this. Seriously?” 

“What?” She turned to him and shrugged. “It’s just a skin condition.” Then she came back to him again, gliding seductively with each step. “That shouldn’t exclude you as a worthy candidate for non-committal non-reproducing consensual adult recreational fornication.”

His lip shook and he felt his eye twitch. “Wh-- what the... fuck did you just call it?” 

Lucy laughed, then leaned in even closer, her eyes exploring his face. She rose a hand, and as soon as he saw it out of the corner of his eye, he grabbed it firmly.

“Don’t.” 

“What’s wrong?” She tilted her head.

“I-I…” As The Ghoul sputtered, looking into her inviting amber eyes, he felt weak. "Ah..." Hesitantly, with his breath shaking, he slowly released her hand.

As the warm skin of her fingers made contact with his cheek, a deep shiver quaked his bones. It was like electricity shooting from her fingertips and rushing through his every nerve. 

“Hah…” The bounty hunter exhaled sharply. He grabbed her hand again and dropped his head, trying to cover his face with his hat. Then said, in nearly a whisper, “Stop…” 

Yet, her smile was unrelentingly warm, and now mixed with a bit of concern. “Hey… talk to me, huh? What’s the matter?”

“Lucy…” The bounty hunter pulled her hand down, holding onto it as he looked up at her and smiled a wide, sheepish, embarrassed grin, then shook his head. “Sweetheart…” 

“Hmm…?��� She waited, but when he didn’t say anything, she leaned in closer, then whispered in his ear. “...Sweetheart?” 

He was trying to hold back the shaky breath that escaped him, but was unsuccessful. “We can’t... I... I-it's--” 

“You don’t need an excuse. Just tell me… Yes or no?” Lucy said, running her thumb across his fingers, patiently waiting for consent. "Can't make up your mind?" She teased and giggled.

The Ghoul felt like he was back in grade school, talking to the pretty girl that he liked for the first time. What the hell happened to him? He thought he was too old for this shit. But she was making him want to piss himself. He was terrified. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this panicked. 

“Lucy… I… I can’t… I’m sorry…” The Ghoul said and gently pushed her from him, turning quickly to hide his face, then walked away. 

And he kept walking. Without looking back. He went past the trees, stumbling through the clearings between the brush, until he made it to the cliffside. There, he all but fell on his ass against a tree, taking heavy breaths in through his mouth as if he were suffocating. He used his inhaler, but it didn't seem to help. He quickly rummaged through his pockets and found a pack of cigarettes, a bottle of pills, and a shooter of tequila. Almost like his life depended on it, he chased a bunch of the pills down with the liquor, dropping several and spilling the liquid down his chin. 

“Ahh…” He gasped and tilted his head back against the tree, taking a few breaths before lighting up a cigarette. He didn’t normally smoke much anymore, but he was in a state where he was prepared to put everything in his body he could get his hands on.

After taking several drags, the trembling 200 year old bounty hunter leaned forward and buried his face in his hands as hot liquid began to leak from his eyes. “Fuck…” He whimpered under his breath. “Why do you do this to me…?” 

✧˖° ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⋆.˚⟡✧˖° ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⋆.˚⟡✧˖° ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⋆.˚⟡✧˖° ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⋆.˚⟡✧˖° ⊹ ࣪

[battlinghurricanes]

I swear to god I'm gonna finish this Laxeel fic I'm working on, and hopefully soon. I'm committed to this one, I need to actually complete a project for my sanity, also I'm cooking with this one tbh. It's very fun to write. I'm posting a couple snippets for motivation.

The premise follows my ideas about Laxus's expulsion from Fairy Tail coinciding with Gajeel's infiltration of Raven Tail

---

It kind of stings in an illogical way, to hear someone take his side after it’s too late. Or at least claim to.

“...Is that what you think?” Laxus reproaches, then continues before Gajeel can respond, “You did the same shit. I heard you when you said of course I would be a monster since I’ve got the master’s blood in me. I- remember that.”

It gives him at least a grain of satisfaction to see Gajeel wince a little. “Ah, true, I’ll give you that one. Sorry. Tacky, in retrospect, and also dumb. I was under the impression you were using the same type of magic he has. I didn’t know then that you’re a dragon slayer.”

Great. “Oh, thanks. Like that’s so much much better.” So he only changed his mind when he found out he and a different kind of magic, one he got in an even more artificial and undeserved way than inheritance. “I’ve got loads to be proud of there.”

A crooked frown tugs on Gajeel’s lips. “Your words, not mine. I’m not gonna pretend I know your whole story, that’s why I said it’s not my place to give my two cents. Take it however you want, all I mean is that I know dragon slayer magic. Adapting to it without a dragon to teach you, enough to wield it that well? That’s no mean feat- and I know no one else could’a done it for you. So yeah, that’s when your own strength hit me. And impressed me.”

A jagged, reedy peel of laughter breaks from Laxus, the sound rolling carelessly as he stretches back against all the tension in his spine, against the urge to tear at his scalp. “Motherfucker. Fuck that. Gh- Fuck that shit.” Lids closing, he lolls his head. “I was tryin’ to prove my strength to everyone and grow outta his shadow, and in the end, the only one who recognized my power as my own was one of the ones who fucking beat me anyway! What a fucking joke.” His throat aches.

---

“Cut the bullshit.” Gajeel blinks and tries to get the two Laxuses swimming across his vision to merge back into one. “You’re following me.”

“Gh... I’m not.” Laxus glares at his assertion and opens his mouth. “-But someone is.”

That makes him stop and hone the full weight of his attention in on him. If he were any worse at this, Gajeel would have let loose a taut breath from the feeling, but he’s good, and he knows that near truths make for excellent lies when he can afford them. With Laxus, he decides he can. “You’re strong, you’re known for it, and now you’re an independent mage. That garners attention.” He can see the unquestioning comprehension reflected in Laxus’s eyes, and he would bet his ass that several legal guilds have already tried scouting him, proving that point.

“Some people have been tailing ya, and I happen to be on a job to bring those same people to heel, get it? Honest, I’ve got no interest in breathing down your neck- you shouldn’t have to deal with anyone doing that. I know it’d drive me mad. But because I’m tracking them, it means I’m also all but tracking you half the time.”

Laxus rumbles quietly, “Who are they?”

“Can’t tell ya. It would compromise the person I’m trying to help if I talk about our agreement,” he fibs lightly, silently thanking the master for finally giving a run down of official contract stipulations and enforcement the other week. “Especially to a non guild member.”

Laxus huffs, the line of his scar skewing over his expression. Gajeel offers, “If they could put you in danger, I promise I’ll tell you anyway,” and it’s not a lie. “But as is, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

With a wary shift of his head, Laxus frowns, then he gestures at Gajeel’s bruised, half-bandaged ribs. “Is that so? Because I would think anyone who can do this to you has already proven themselves as dangerous. I’d rather know who I might end up dealing with.”

Gajeel doesn’t respond for a beat, too shocked by Laxus’s open acknowledgement of his strength. “O-oh.”

UPDATE: here's the fic

[lesbiantvfish]

Quick post I want to make tldr, I may start doing commissions soon after some days of rest.

Had my dr appointment today, going to talk abt my health under the cut. Some bad news but good news too, this is all personal so feel free to skip over this tbh, thanks!

cw: this is a loooong post btw

I had been seeing this new dr at the start of 2023 after I had finally gotten the control of my insurance from my father, who does not contact me, he had disowned me when I was outed as trans/a lesbian when I was 18.

I had issues with contacting a rheumatologist and neurologist through my new doctor because I had not known she did not understand English entirely and when I showed the positive diagnosis for autoimmune, she asked about my family history and thought I had been telling her “no, I don’t.”

It turned out the office hired a translator for the non Spanish speaking patients, and I was finally able to understand the miscommunication, and get the referrals!

We also confirmed the hand tremors aren’t improving, and that it is not due to anxiety either.

Not so good news is my heart rate got worse, I was recommended to rest more even if I cannot sleep, and eat much more often than I have been. Since I do not have enough funds to eat more than I am, I am going to open commissions soon, if anyone would reblog that post or recommend me to a person looking to buy art, I would greatly appreciate that!

Thank you for reading, I might be away more to rest for a little while, I will do my best to recover my heart health soon.

In the meantime I might just post my kofi for donations, but if you leave one and I know who you are, knowing me, I will draw gift art as thanks. ❤️ thank you for reading this whole post!

However if you are also not doing well financially I’d prefer if you only shared the donation link, it is scary to think I am harming anyone through that, no one is obligated to tip.

I mean this even more to friends!!!! Don’t u dare donate lol, but feel free to reblog a dono post when I make it. *kissing u on the mouth like Bugs Bunny to Elmer Fudd*

Sorry if this post is a bummer to hear, no matter how my health gets you might know my type of personality, I am easily excited and love to love my favorite things and such, I know hearing about bad health might make people think I am not doing well mentally, but honestly I haven’t been more happy than I am in a long time. Coming back to the srmthfg and ghs community has really been bringing me more joy than I can express, seriously.

[halfkasster]

Okay so, sorry to make a very long post even longer, but this sent me down a whole rabbit hole of realization that the way I learned to read was Very Non Standard for the american education system. which, I knew on some level bc I went to a weird teeny charter elementary, but not to this extent. like, I hadn't realized that when other people talked about learning phonics, they were Very Much Talking About Something Else

I was taught the Spaulding Method, which given its single paragraph wikipedia page and lack of any comprehensive summaries that I could find is muchhhh less common than I thought. But I do think it sounds similar to the way reading is taught in other languages? or at least the closest you can brute force english into

See, if you want to break english down into foundational building blocks like other, non-frankensteined languages there are a lot more rules than what sounds our 26 letters can make. There are also over 40 multi-letter phonograms that commonly occur in english. Many have multiple sounds and some are combinations of other phonograms (like "ou", "gh", and "ough" all being distinct) (side note: this is why the "i before e" rule drives me nuts bc the "ie" says e and i and "ei" says eh and i and the "ay" sound is almost always "eigh" which Is Its Own Phonogram Entirely Come On (those would always trip me up as a kid and I hold a grudge)) Anyway, a handy graphic though it's not exactly the what I learned:

So, obviously, this involved a lot of rote memorization to get just the building blocks. From kindergarden (I think?) to maybe 2nd grade, this would involve teachers flipping through flash cards as we chanted the different sounds each made

But then, since there so many damn pieces, there have got to be rules for how they go together. Which meant more memorization of rules from "q always has a u" to "The phonogram ed has three sounds. If a base word ends in the sound d or t, adding ed makes another syllable that says ed (sid-ed, part-ed). If the base word ends in a voiced consonant, the ending ed says d (lived). If the base word ends in an unvoiced consonant sound, ending ed says t (jumped)." And even then, figuring out how to pronounce a multi-sound phonogram in an unknown word was often guesswork (looking at you "ough"). and even then we had a straight up exception list that we had to just remember some weird uncommon-but-present phonograms (ex pneumonia, receipt)

Anyway, all this to say that english can be structuralized and taught like more straightforward languages so that the distinction between reading and just identifying words can be made. But it takes a lot of effort to do so and is not typically done. So, it's not surprising that those got conflated to american english speakers when that guesswork period of early literacy seemingly lasts longer.

my dad and I just finished listening to a fascinating (and really pretty alarming) podcast about American literacy education recently—Sold a Story by Emily Hanford—and it got me wondering what my peers’ experience was, so here's my first poll! This pertains to people who learned to read in the U.S. specifically, so even if one of the other options matches your experience, I'd politely ask you to refrain from picking one (presumably you guys have better school districts than we do anyway). 

(the most horrifying part out of the entire thing was the fact that dubbya was the one to realize something was wrong. even a broken clock, I guess...?)

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Tuesday, October 25

Anya: We've done just about enough making things worse for one day, haven't we? Buffy: Why? What do you mean? Xander: Uh, nothing. Anya broke a ... bippity boppity boo. A thing. Don't worry about it. Anya: I did not! I didn't break- Giles: Anya, Buffy doesn't need to hear about your ... clumsiness right now. Anya: (sighs) My clumsiness. I mean, that is so- (Willow and Xander give her meaningful looks. She looks at Buffy) ...like ... me. Slippery, slippery ... butterfingers.

~~Buffy Season 5 Episode #86: "Shadow"~~

[Chaptered Fiction]

You’re All I’ve Got Tonight CH. 1/? (Buffy/Spike, E) by ladyemma42

Scoobies in a galaxy far, far away Ch. 1/? (Ensemble, T, Star Wars xover) by Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen

The Bad Touch Ch. 1/4(Ensemble, T) by Michaelt

You're All I've Got Tonight, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Lady Emma

Bound, Chapter 24 (Buffy/Spike, E) by RavenLove12

Ties to the World, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, E) by honeygirl51885

Nights Like This, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, E) by ashcrashed

Waiting On My Spaceship, Chapter 4 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Chelle

The Road to Hell...., Chapter 13 (Buffy/Spike, E) by All4Spike

Sunlight On Your Face, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, T) by violettathepiratequeen

Origins, Chapter 21 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Niamh

Compelled By Love Ch. 7 (Ensemble, M, The Vampire Diaries xover) by Buffyworldbuilder

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork:Halloween Fuffy by malvymary

Artwork:Halloween Fuffy sketchesby malvymary

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[Reviews & Recaps]

https://buffy-reddit-feed.dreamwidth.org/8020956.html by Purple_Sun_7100

Season 7 rewatch review - pt1 - Get It Done by American Aurora

[Fandom Discussions]

my favorite btvs character by anyachristinaemmanuellajenkins

Fic Rec: Forward to Time Past by gh-0-stcup

Discussion of The Vampire Slayer #7 - Released 10/26/22 (Boom! Studios) by Buffy Summers

Which non-human character has the best costume? by Buffy Summers

Controversial take: not only are Chandler Bing and Xander Harris the same character by cnlforbin

My psych professor is allowing me to do my case study on mental hospital Buffy! by EccentricOtter307

The Mayor was the only Big Bad who was actually destroyed. Thoughts? by notwritingasusual

Plot hole or no? by Redheadathearttt

Willow when she went to tell Angel Buffy is dead by Relevant-Mission27

Jonathan in Earshot by Tuxedo_Mark

What does everyone think of the episode "The Dark Age"? Yea or Nay? by jdpm1991

Feel sorry for Xander didn't anybody that he saves everybody in school from bomb by Commercial-Sink8444

Cangel True Endgame by Commercial-Sink8444

Quick question. What is your favourite part of the intro and why is it the scream? by Messchaton

Dawn Just Exists Now?? by ComprehensiveYak8480

Just read your Dru as S7 Big Bad post by coraniaid

How did you react during this scene of Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered? by GoblinQueenForever

Buffy extremely forgiving in episode 'Helpless'. Giles betrayed her. Almost got her killed. by wall2000x

Spike and Buffy by Zeebebe2

Just how strong is Buffy? by Pedals17

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

PUBLICATION: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie is its own thing. Enjoy it. by SYFY WIRE

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[pstumpclub]

u should totally be a fob blog again but what's making u wanna? :O

oh anon you're really gonna get me goin.......

so like. i might as well be transparent and say that i'm rapidly losing interest in waterparks. and it makes me super sad bc this fandom is where i've met some of the coolest online friends i have, but like... it's just not doing it for me anymore. i wasn't super impressed by gh and i don't love how things are being handled rn in general, both by awsten and the label. i'm starting to consider taking a serious step back and doing things like turning off post notifications for awsten, unsubscribing to jawn on twitch, etc. (I'm still debating that one. i'm quite attached to my founder badge, tyvm) there is the pretty sizeable issue of my being the admin of a good-size discord server, but i have no problem continuing to moderate that even if i'm not interested in most of the conversation. on top of that, that the rancid fan community is one of the main reasons i stopped using twitter altogether.

it also doesn't help that i feel like i've finally established myself as a parx fanfic writer, and then haven't published/updated any fics in months. i don't think i can keep calling it writers' block considering i've written 15k+ words for various dream smp works in the time since i updated picturesque score. i open my parx wips and just end up closing them without typing a single word. losing that passion really, really sucks, especially seeing how many people have reached out to me and told me how much they love that particular series. but there's not much i can do about it.

who knows, i might get a second wind, especially once season 4 of slumber party ramps up, but right now i'm just not into it. i'm starting to feel guilty about posting/reblogging non-parx content, and i really shouldn't feel that way about my own fucking blog. meanwhile, i'm getting more and more "og bandom" content on my dash with hella mega going on and i'm enjoying it so much more. not to be cheesy but fob is like. my ride or die. i think i'll always end up coming back to them :) they're just what's making me happier at the moment.

so that's where i'm at rn. sorry about the essay. feels good to get it out tho.

[bandagegirl]

Tell me about your ghs ocs! The Judgment Boys already look cool

This will be answered in multiple posts due to how many characters there are. I'm on mobile, so I have no idea how to make read mores, sorry. Let's start with

The Judgement Factory

The Judgement Factory (will be referred to as the Factory) seen in GHS is only a small branch of the much larger Factory. Smaller sub-factories manifest in many places in many dimensions (or Zones following the Awful Hospital terms we accidently started incorporating) and perform one or two duties of Judgement Boy (JB) manufacturing.

JB Gold's factory for example specializes in the production of the glass hearts and gold nuggets and the training of JBs. The main Factory is its own Zone, having manifested itself through the Original Judgement Boy (OG JB) wanting to spread his judgement everywhere and as a reminder of a court case where he defended the owner of a factory in which many people came to harm and even died.

In the Factory, many types of JBs are created, from windup toy like Judgelings to JBs performing a huge range of task, some made for the well known judgements, others made to work in the Factory, be it transportation, assembly or scrapping of JBs to even higher ranking overseer JBs, the Metal and the Rare series.

The Factory, being it's own Zone, is practically infinite. "Easy" to enter, very easy to get lost in, very difficult to leave if you can't retrace your way. While most JBs use ceiling/upper rails, there are plenty of JBs that use ground/lower rails. Many Judgelings and a few Rare Series JBs don't require rails to traverse the Factory, either due to wheels, legs or the ability to fly/levitate.

Some areas are "invisible" to nearly all JBs (similarly to the Safe Room in FNAF). Two JBs are able to see and traverse these areas, being JB SMELL and JB Cobalt. Inside these "out of bounce" areas live and hide away JBs that range from proof of concepts to unfinished WIPs to JBs that escaped being scrapped due to being labeled "defective". One notable room here is the office of OG JB (which also houses the only still functioning bathroom).

The Judge

Deep inside the Factory, inside one of the biggest rooms, resides the Judge, a dual hammer wielding, gigantic, up to 40 meter tall JB (including his 300 tons on weight). He was supposed to be a JB Oni, closer to normal JB size and part of a yokai themed Rare series, but due to a mistake onle he was created and roughly 12 times the intended size.

Judge took OG JB's place as the Boss and Overseer of the entire Factory after devouring OG JB, which also made him the heart and core of the Factory. One of his first orders was to get rid of every evidence of OG JB, including ever JB created before Judge, the only exceptions being JB SMELL and JB Marionette. If Judge were to die without a replacement, the entire Factory, each sub-factory and everyone inside would cease to exist.

Personality: Very threatening towards both JBs and non-JBs. Even many Metals and Rares find themselves scared of him. No volume control and obnoxious. Very loving husband of JB Marionette. Reckless, conceited and prideful. ADHD king. Hot headed. Fiery personality. Luckily a big belly laugher and not a desk hitting laugher.

Abilities: EXTREMELY DEEP VOICE, both talking and singing (you know those gigantic drums used in parades that make your chest hurt when pounded? That's the closest I have to a voice for him). Remember how JB Gold wrecked his room when he judged Second Guest? Judge's judgement is even more destructive, making more than just his room shake, JBs and factory parts falling down everywhere. His two hammers, which he can switch out for simple hands, have both a heart on one side and a dollar sign on the other side, an allusion towards him symbolising "No Choice". The hammers heat up while spinning, leaving either ❤/❤, $/$ or both symbols as burned imprints on the floor, Double hearts being the rarest judgement.

Judge's stomach is a massive oven, allowing both smoke and fire to come out of his mouth if needed or enraged. If challenged to a fight, he can stack up additional 100 ton weights on top of his 200 ton weight. His glasses flash purple and pink during strong emotions, when controlling nearby JBs and when looking through a singular JB's eyes to check on their behavior. Due to his massive size, he is unable to traverse the Factory without being carried by JB Marionette but can transform into a smaller, more humanoid form when outside the Factory. His humanoid form has a lot of tattoos, the most important ones being a big back tattoo of his husband JB Marionette and chains and shackles that go from his neck to both his arms that he is able to transform into his hammers.

(Left two artworks belong to co-creator of the Extended Factory, @thermodynamiclawyer )

[lost-tanuki-whump]

Post-operation

Content warning: brief instance of self-harm (bite), swearing and screaming in pain, medical whump. Cast: The Disaster Five. Situated somewhere in Leo’s backstory.  Word count: 950.

* * *

"It hurts, it fucking hurts!"

"I know, Leonida. I just asked the nurse to up the dosage for the pain medicine."

"Make it go faster- gh!"

Long fingers curled into the crisp white hospital bedsheets, knuckles going white from the strain. Leonida had just woken up seconds ago and she'd instantly started writhing and screaming for them to make it stop.

"I'm sorry, I can't make it go faster." Doctor Whittler reached down to settle a cool, dry palm over her subject's arm, wary in case the other woman tried to grip her hand. She kept her demeanor calm and collected like always. "If it makes you feel any better to know this, the operation was a success and we'll soon be on our way to-"

"Do something!" Leonida yelled at her, and Doctor Whittler retrieved her hand just in time before she grabbed it. Leonida's arm uselessly landed atop the bed and she let out a short cry when the impact jostled her elbow.

"It'll get better soon," firmly promised Doctor Whittler.

"Fuck!" loudly cursed Leonida on a waver, and Doctor Whittler watched in sympathy as tears fell from her red face. There was a brief and tense silence during which Leonida's limbs didn't stop shaking, locked up with agony, and then she managed through gritted teeth: "When?"

"A few minutes at most."

Leonida turned her head and screamed in her pillow. The parts of her arms and legs that was exposed where her scrubs didn't reach were a burning red, the aftereffects of infusing her bones with an alloy that was toxic to several types of cells of the human body, especially to skin cells. It wouldn't last, if they'd timed the interventions right then Leonida's skin wouldn't be a matter of concern anymore in a matter of a few days. As long as her organic nerve endings remained she'd keep feeling pain, but the morphine would lessen it to some degree if they found the right dosage. Doctor Whittler leaned in and cleared the wild frizzy strands of honey blond hair from the side of Leonida's sweaty face before laying a cool hand against her cheek to call her attention.

"Leonida."

Hazy brown eyes opened to look at her, a drop of sweat trickled down the furrowed brow. Doctor Whittler quickly pulled her hand back to her just in case.

"You are doing incredibly well. You're very courageous, please hold onto that courage."

"Fa ancora un male cane," Leonida answered in a voice that was both angry and plaintive. Even her gaze was conflicted, Doctor Whittler couldn't tell if her subject wanted to kill her or plead for her help. Leonida grunted and punched the bed, the sound devolving in a choked sob. "Cazzo, fa male!"

"Leonida, I know this is difficult, but please try and stay still or you'll only hurt yourself more."

"Questo pezzo di schifo è fottuto! Vai a farti fottere, donna!" suddenly raged Leonida, teeth bared and glinting in the stale white overhanging light. She was looking at Doctor Whittler but her gaze was rapidly growing unfocused. "Non avrei mai dovuto accettare di farlo!"

"Leonida, you are speaking in Italian. I would like you to talk to me in English so that I can understand."

She thumped her head against the pillow and pulled at the sheets, which didn’t offer any resistance and ripped. "Fa male, cazzo, Dio- fa male! Cazzo, ti ucciderò, puttana!"

"Okay, Leonida," calmly said Doctor Whittler. She'd expected her subject to grow delirious under the pain. "I understand that it hurts, we just have to be patient a little while longer for the medicine to act."

Leonida screamed again, a wail of agony that ripped out of her throat and broke off in frantic sobs, and then she started crying: "Jay! Jay!"

Doctor Whittler's lips tightened in a compassionate line and she looked away to see if the drip was flowing correctly, but the nurse was already checking and it didn't look like they could do anything to speed things up. It would start acting any moment now.

"Junie!" Leonida screamed louder.

"Leonida," Doctor Whittler said to try and attract her attention again. "We are in the facility, remember? Jay can't come here. You'll see each other once this is over, all right?"

Leonida's face twisted even further and she screwed her eyes shut, ceasing her search for her partner. Her hand stopped scrabbling at the mattress and flew up, and she bit down on her fingers so hard that it instantly drew blood.

"Leonida," urgently said Doctor Whittler, and she pried her hand away from her mouth. "Leonida, it's okay, you're going to feel better in a few seconds."

Leonida's chest heaved on desperate pants and gasps and her fingers curled up into shaking fists, and there was nothing Doctor Whittler could do but watch her sob and wail. It took another full minute before the painkillers started taking action.

"Very good, Leonida," Doctor Whittler murmured next to her the whole while. "You're doing very good."

The wild, pained noises Leonida was making gradually died down into tired, hitched breaths and her body finally relaxed after what felt like an eternity. She likely hadn't gone limp because of the pain relief being complete and blissful, but rather because she was exhausted. Doctor Whittler cautiously settled her hand on Leonida's sweaty forehead to ground her and asked: "Leonida? Can you tell me how you're feeling?"

Leonida' eyes fluttered open and she groaned: "Like... absolute fucking shit, Doc."

Doctor Whittler smiled lightly. "You can sleep, if you'd like. If you're able to."

"Yeah." Leonida closed her eyes again and mumbled: "Sorry for cussing you out."

"No hard feelings, Leonida. None at all."

[whatnameshallitake]

I could’ve loved you

//to everyone i could’ve loved, but didn’t//

The non-chronological personal project of mine, as was requested by @writingonesdreams

This was written for everyone I could’ve kept falling fallen in love with, but ultimately did not.

I’m only posting the first two people on the list! Sorry~ Maybe someday, I might post the rest? Lmao ive fallen in love too many times

The whole work is below the cut~ I hope you enjoy ;D

•

 I | “Home is learning to forget”

 •

 Whenever I’m with you, logic escapes me.

You make me wonder.

You make me believe.

You made me hope.

 ~

 I remember a boy of happiness.

 —A boy who rose together with the sun, who accompanied the winds on whispering joy into my eardrums.

 His words trembled with laughter and merriment that it made me believe in magic in the world.

 I remember the warmth in his eyes as he stared into mine, heat filling my cheeks with every passing second.

 I remember his hands as they held mine in a comforting grip— calloused slightly, with long fingers. They removed every worry and regret etched on my palms.

 Do you remember? You smiled at me.

 It made me believe in wonder.

 ~

 Hope is a powerful thing—

 ~

 You told me you wanted to be an astronaut.

 It seemed fitting that you would want to escape this place.

 It seemed fitting that someone as otherworldly as you would want to come home again.

 I could almost hear the call of the cosmos, of the sun exclaiming, ‘My child, you belong here’

 After all, you were a child of the sun. The sea of people could never compare to the sea of stars. You didn’t need to be held abound by gravity.

 I could almost understand your heed to the universe.

 It called out to you, I know.

 But I could never understand why you couldn’t be home here.

  ~

 Once upon a time, you told me a secret.

 ‘I see the stars. I feel the sun. I hear the cosmos.’

 I know. I know enough. I know you.

 ‘I wouldn’t mind not coming back home

—if it meant coming back to you’

 I know the universe. I kno— What?

 ~

 In this small space of eternity that only held two people—

 You and Me

 —I understood two things:

 One, the familiar presence of your heat was overwhelming.

 In this infinite space between us, your warmth reached out to me. Your hand reached out to me and your laugh left me speechless when it finally reached me through the endless, empty, nothing, space between us.

 The sun probably granted you the flames to burn, but I didn’t mind much. I was happily ablaze, standing next to your dancing fire. It didn’t matter that I would burn, I wasn’t afraid of fire. I wasn’t afraid of you.

 I was afraid of losing you.

 Two, the familiar presence of your heat was overwhelming.

 In this infinite space between us, the emptiness stretched out until you were beyond reach. The cold suddenly struck me.

 It was suffocating.

 I didn’t realize how much I was accustomed to your warmth that I forgot you brought it with you.

 You brought with you the heat.

 ~

 this cold is unsettling where are you i need you

 i miss you

—you told me i could be your home

 ~

 Things you brought with you, on your voyage across the sea of stars:

 the wonder

the warmth

the joy

the light

the magic

 Things you forgot:

me

 ~

 Dusk settled and our long day ended.

 You were a child of the sun. You rose with him every morning.

 You left me to the cold night as it did.

 I rose with the moon in mourning.

 Maybe that was why the glamour of the dark was lost on me.

 I didn’t see the appeal of the moon and the stars.

—They weren’t you.

 And as shadows crept and settled against the eternal void you left within me, I learned how to forget the light you provided.

 I learned how to forget the warmth, and the wonder.

 I learned how to forget the joy and magic that you gave me.

 ~

 I now know one thing, from this empty space—

 Me

 —you left behind:

 The cold can’t embrace me like you did.

 ~

 —It’s hopeless.

 ~

 I could’ve loved you,

but I wasn’t the home you returned to.

 ~

 You, sun child.

 You, I know.

 I don’t need logic nor belief.

 I understand enough.

 You were the first of many

 ~

 I remember a boy of happiness.

 —The boy who rose together with the sun.

 I never could forget him.

 ~

 “welcome home...”

—the wind did not whisper back

 •

 II | “The day I left the Ghost of You”

 •

 The one left in rubble is not to be pitied

—he is to be respected and revered.

 ~

 It wasn’t as cold as I remembered.

 It wasn’t as broken as I thought.

 It wasn’t as empty as I’ve known.

 It wasn’t as lonely as it looked.

 ~

 Static noise only reached my ears even when the sea of people chatted away.

 I didn’t look to see the heavy words that floated around the atmosphere in a deceptively calm manner.

 All I could hear was the tap, tap, tap of my feet.

 My feet carried me to my place.

 My feet carried me to many places, and I’ve learned to know when and where I was needed.

 And right now, it seemed as if the universe needed me to drown in the sea of people.

 ‘Is it sure it needs me here?’

 I did not gain a reply; not that I expected any.

 The sea of people continued to spew out nonsense. At least, to me it was.

 The return of the tap, tap, tap accompanied me as I was led to a child.

 Curious.

 ~

 What makes a human mature?

 Is it to reach a certain age? To experience a certain event? To know certain information? To meet certain people?

 I don’t know.

 I don’t think I ever will

 ~

 I was still stuck in this barren wasteland.

 A handful of faceless people bump into me as I continue down the icy path.

 It was down a slope, into a new set of shadows that I’ve never encountered before.

 It really shouldn’t have surprised me; I had absolutely zero experience with the dark when I entered the empty space between.

 But now, as the path led on, it was quickly becoming second nature to walk this road.

 It has become familiar to the point of normalcy.

 Now that was dangerous.

 And for what?

 “You arrived earlier than expected.”

 I don’t really know.

 The universe led me to this boy, and I am but a servant to it’s whims.

 “Care for a match?”

 And the game began.

 ~

 Once I regained my bearings,

 Once I regained my logic,

 I became infatuated with problems.

 I quickly fell into the methodical process of solving, and thinking, and the systematical way of the numbers.

 “Your magic is useless here”

—silence

 ~

 You’ve lost the innocence of youth.

 It is evident in every empty smile you bear, with every haunting stare you send me.

 You have dead eyes.

 Then, I suppose you are…

 ~

 Chess is a favourite of mine.

 I’ve come to adore the thrill of the challenge it offers— every opponent with different techniques and strategies.

 It was easy to revel in the rush of things, to jump from one contingency plan to another.

 Device a strategy, watch it crumble, revise it.

 At least I had something to fall back on when everything else stumbled.

 I didn’t need to hope.

 I already knew.

 ~

 I remember thinking why the universe led me to you.

 I didn’t receive an answer.

 I remember you asking if I regret doing this to you.

 I d—

 ~

 Ah...

 Your face is annoying.

 Your voice is annoying.

 Your smile is annoying.

 You’re annoying.

  But I still listened to your idiotic nonsense.

 The shit that flow out of your mouth is astounding. Do you expect me to believe that you kiss your mother with that mouth?

 Hah. Disgusting.

 But still...

 Just finish your turn, it’s your move anyway.

 ~

 One day, the cosmos came to harvest a seed that I planted.

 I faintly remember the magic that used to keep it alive.

 The universe killed it, sadly.

 But never mind.

 A stronger, more vicious seed was cultivated to prevent it from happening again.

 This one had thorns now.

 ~

 An evil intention made itself known within the walls of my mind.

 I fell to the temptation of hatred.

 ~

 One plus one is two, as the mathematicians would say.

 Therefore, one thing led to another.

 From across this massive chessboard, the stares increased in duration.

 We played with the pieces, picked it up and put them away.

 That day, I found another thing to play with.

 ~

 You are but a shell of a child— so beaten and bruised.

 I was to be the new one you toyed with, as was penned by the threads of life.

 The tables have turned now

 ~

 Sometimes, on the rare occasion that I catch you peacefully asleep, I memorize every plane and lilting line that make up your face.

 You look so blissful that I can almost forget the feeling of emptiness your eyes hold.

 I can almost forget the pain and loneliness your exhales carry on into the dark.

 I can almost forget the weightless footsteps you impart upon this barren wasteland.

 I can almost forget that you’ve lost yourself in the eternal void in between.

 I can almost forget that you’re nothing but a gh—

 ~

 this is a dangerous game we’re playing.

 ‘i wasn’t aware that this was a game’

 we need to stop before i—

 ‘shush, no need to fret. i’m here’

 ~

 You fingertips draw small circles on the dip of my back.

 In the middle of this small piece of silence, an epiphany comes to me.

 ‘Your hands don’t feel like nothing, no more’

 I push down my dread and pretend to be unconscious

 ~

 It all fucking makes sense now.

 ~

 dear diary,

 today i found out what a villain must feel like all the time.

 it starts out with the thought of, “this will satisfy you”

 pushes you with the thought of, “you’ve already come this far”

 and it ends with, “what have i done”

 ...

 do you notice what’s different? what’s wrong?

 it never ends with a, “sorry, i’m so sorry”

 ~

 Your annoying face is now too sickeningly happy.

 Your annoying voice turned so sickeningly sweet.

 Your annoying smile became too sickeningly bright.

 And as your sweaty hands grab my cold ones,

As your poisonous lips touch mine,

As your tired mind race against mine—

 My thoughts are silenced with the mere weight your mouth places against my own.

 I close my eyes to avoid yours.

 ~

 You’re so sickeningly in love with me that it hurts.

 ~

 Deep in the shadows, you laid your heart bare to me.

 It was broken and dark, one that I really did not expect to belong to someone as young as you.

 But then, it did make sense. How could your eyes be so dark if it had not yet seen the light?

 No, only a battered and bruised and lost soul could condemn the path that led me to you with such sad shadows.

 Suddenly, all of the regret and pain and sadness and hate and hurt and—

 It all made sense now.

 Ah.

 This is annoying.

 But still, I listened.

 “This...”

 The words flowed out of your mouth easily enough, but why did the wind still strain to carry them? For a split-second, I wondered how such words felt so heavy.

 “I give this to you.”

 My throat dropped to the stone cold floor.

 “What?”

 I barely noticed my traitorous tongue move on its own accord. In my mind’s eye, I was still frozen in shock by what my ears have just picked up.

 “I love you.”

 Ah.

 “I love you so fucking much.”

 The slowed speed of the wind which carried the weight of your statements finally made sense. It was so heavy, it managed to break whatever was left of me.

 So fucking heavy that it made me wonder again.

 “Thank you.”

 nonoNoNonONoNonOnoNONON—

 I left.

 I stood up and raced up the dark path that’s become so familiar in the terrifyingly short amount of time.

 I left so quickly, hastily, I didn’t even notice the wilting flowers along the road.

 I failed to notice the tears that started to flow down your face.

 I didn’t notice pieces of your heart that lay there,

 broken, unmoving, silent,

 tragic—

 .

 Those were the pieces that I played with.

 ~

 I’m sorry. I’m so s—

 ~

 Although you were a child, you’ve seen a lot of dark things. Dark things that completely shrouded your life beneath the shadows.

 You didn’t even get to see the light again— even after your eyes stopped being so dead and started to fill up with joy at the mere sight of me I—

 I took it from you.

 ~

 I’m so so—

 ~

 What takes a human to mature?

 I may never know.

 I’ve forgotten how it was like to be human.

 ~

 I’m s—

 ~

 I never did go back to you;

 After I left...

 I heard that you died, but ghosts can’t really die a second time.

 ~

 I’m so sor—

 ~

 Years and years and years passed

—it’s only been days.

 You won the game.

 Checkmate.

 You won before it even started.

 You didn’t even have to do anything, I—

 Ah.

 I see.

 ...

 it took me a while to realize,

 no one really won,

 we both lost something the day i left.

 ~

 I’m—

 ~

 My feet carried me to places where I was needed.

 To this day, I’m still puzzled how I left you.

 You needed me, didn’t you?

 ~

 I’m so sorr—

 ~

 A child drowned in the middle of the sea.

 The sea of ghosts that whispered,

 “You

 You are dirty

 and You

 are worth nothing”

 He had no choice but to listen.

 Unknowingly, he became a ghost himself.

 ~

 I could’ve loved you,

but I didn’t want to lie.

 ~

 Yes, the universe led me to you.

 But I was the one who placed you second.

 And to your question

  My answer is,

 ...

..

.

 I don’t regret it.

 —but why does it hurt so much?

 ~

 Yes, it was nothing I ever imagined it would be.

 But I still left.

 ~

 I’m so sorry.

[gregory-horror-shitpost]

Obligatory welcome post and rules for the asks

I go by she/her.

I curse! If you're uncomfortable with that, I’m sorry but uh, it ain't changing anytime soon.

You can suggest post ideas, if you like.

We do not degrade people for what they ship, unless it is child X adult. Then they can go fuck themselves.

Non ghs stuff will be tagged “not ghs”

[thisurlplease]

I didn't know about the pamphlets. What kind of information can you expect to find in them? Mine unfortunately didn't come with them either (although all of them have the obi strip). Also, do you think it's likely that Ono Fuyumi will ever revisit the GH series?

The pamphlets have various information about the cases and characters. I’m still missing #4 & #6. Here are a few posts including the pamphlets:

1, 2, 3, 4, 6 on @flychansan’s blog,  2, 5, 1 on my blog, and 7, which I translated and colorized, but it has a link to the original.

Do I think Ono Fuyumi will ever revisit the GH series? That’s sort of what she did with the rewrites. I know she’s always had a sort of reluctance about continuing the series. According to a post by kagedreams, in the afterword of one of the doujinshi from 1995, Ono Fuyumi said: 

Now then, as for this, about which I still receive many inquiries.First, thank you very much for the many threats, pleas, and petitions.However, the series is on indefinite hold. I’m very sorry to be unable to meet your hopes. There are currently no plans for a subsequent book. There are none, yet there are a number of things (laughs). Eventually, when it’s forgotten about, I might write something. In this regard, I’m sorry for being such a haphazard author.This isn’t necessarily the publisher’s intent. The publisher would like me to write more, but the truth is that I don’t have the wherewithal to do so at the moment. Frankly, I’ve gotten a bit sick of it. I have to admit, it’s tiresome having people say “write this” or “it has to be this way”. When I think of trying to force myself to meet these requests, I can’t help coming to hate the series. (There have been so many requests to “have Naru confess his feelings” that I got so fed up and thought that if you want it that much, I’ll have him confess and kill him immediately after……)

This would be after she wrote the sequel series, Akumu no Sumu Ie, which can be read here. (If you’re wondering about the doujinshi, you can find an explanation here, which includes links to Ono-sensei’s GH short stories.) But anyway, that was a really long time ago and she obviously did revisit the series with the rewrites. Maybe she hates parts of it, but she really does love the series and I think maybe in a way she wants to preserve the series and its characters as they are. She wrote the rewrites because there were some things she wanted to change and also because the original novels were notoriously hard to get copies of. You can read some interviews with Ono-sensei discussing the rewrites in Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3. 

In part 3, she’s asked whether she might write a sequel of the series, but her answer is sort of vague. She says she loves the series and the idea of a team of spiritualists, but she thinks that’s suited for a serial horror and she seems to want to write non-serial work. The series thing would probably apply to the 12 Kingdoms series, too, which seems to have not been updated in a while. I think she maybe wants to write horror, but separate from Ghost Hunt. In 2012, she wrote Zan’e (残穢), which the 2015 horror mystery film The Inerasable was based off. But there doesn’t seem to be anything more recent (?).

To be honest, I really want a continuation of GH, but I don’t have high hopes. It seems like the whole time the rewrites were being promoted, the fact that there was a sequel was completely left out and the final volume (V7) was put forward as if it was the last in the series. But the manga just finished up the Akumu series last year (2016), so maybe there could be something more.

Sorry… lots of rambling. These are just my thoughts and speculations. Hope that all makes sense.

[love-laika]

It’s game of the year season seemingly wherever I go now, so I thought it might be interesting to think about what my personal GOTYs would be for every year of my life that I’ve had them.

1996-2002: family did not own any video games, except maybe my dad had Tony Hawk 2 for his old computer at some point? It was a long time ago

2003: the year I got my Gameboy advance (silver). I had one game that I played all year and it was Super Mario World still love that game its probably my most played game of all time

2004: would you believe that Half-Life 2, Katamari Damacy, Burnout 3, and Metroid Prime 2 all came out this year? Anyways I didn't own any of those consoles. I had Pokemon fire red on a GBA SP and that backlight saved my childhood. Honorable mention: Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga

2005: it's Pokemon back-2-back baby. I asked my grandma for Leaf Green and instead she bought a different green (Emerald) game. Which like, thanks grandma and probably guy at target for that one. Over the next 2 years or so, I had two different save files, each with about 250 hours

2006: the year of the DS and I am at the point in my life where I have more than one non-Pokemon game a year to play. I basically lived in animal crossing wild world for that part of my life. I have distinct memories of me and my friends all piled into a minivan with that one. Honorable mention: RollerCoaster Tycoon 3

2007: I was lucky enough to somehow get a Wii from my parents despite the fact that people were getting into fist fights over them. I could say Mario Galaxy or Zelda or Pokemon but nah, Need for Speed Carbon. My first racing game that for a short time made me obsessed with cars

2008: ok I'm going to cheat on this one because there are two games I can't not mention. Pre-PS3 acquiring GOTY is Guitar Hero 3 it's not even the best GH but it was the one I had and I played the shit out of it. Post-PS3 has to go to LittleBigPlanet because I was equally obsessed

2009: honestly tbh two of my favorite came out this year but I'm picking one. While Skate 2 is my second favorite skating game of all time (behind THPS2), Uncharted 2 wins this year. I'm now 13 and "plugged in" to the gaming scene and buy games as they come out!

2010: the year my parents got divorced!! I spent a lot of time avoiding things with video games. I now have my own PC that can kind of game. The first indie contender is Super Meat Boy! I also poured hours into Battlefield Bad Company 2 but the winner absolutely has to be a game from 2008. Fallout 3, while I acknowledge that New Vegas is superior in almost every way, is a game that sucked me in for over 200 hours that year. I was ready for the biggest disappointment in my whole life 5 years later (thanks Todd)

2011: I love LittleBigPlanet 2 and Minecraft to death but Portal 2 portal 2 portal 2 portal 2 portal 2 portal 2 portal 2 portal 2 portal 2 po

2012: honestly, I don't remember fucking any of the major games released this year. I guess I played Borderlands 2? so fuck it, Team Fortress 2 is my GOTY for 2012

2013: it ain't Bioshock Infinite or GTA V that's for sure! My three faves from 2013 are, from bottom to top: Gone Home (everybody's favorite gay walking sim), Saints Row 4 (when SR5???), and The Last of Us (shocker right, who didn't pick that)

2014: as much as I loved Titanfall, I already feel a bit bad about shorting Brawl and Melee in the past. I put way more time into Smash for Wii U (and 3DS) than any fighting/party game. Still praying for that switch port because then it would be literally perfect

2015: my GOTY is Fuck Fallout 4 lmao. No but actually its Undertale because it’s fucking amazing, just sort of everywhere. Sorry Life is Strange, sorry Super Mario Maker, I'm still a Homestuck in my heart

2016: I've been so bad at playing games this year, I actually still have games from last year I want to finish (VA-11 Hall-A whoops). but god Titanfall 2 is so good, it’s a shame Respawn has had so much trouble finding financial success

2017: AND FINALLY, THIS YEAR will have to wait because im busy

[renamusing]

reuenthals replied to your post: reuenthals replied to your post: ...

in the folder re: konhiji like we’re not told how old toshi was when he met kondo but probably a teenager considerin sougo was 6-8 so i always thought toshi’d place kondo in a place similar to tamegoro but misunderstand those feelins as smth else bc he’s just a baby + kondou’s the first to show him real (or any) affection outside tamegoro n not fear or resent him in any way but actually want to help him (he later in life realizes hed just misplaced/misunderstood their 

nature). from that same era, i think his feelins for mitsuba would fit a similar narrative as in bc of circumstances she HAD to be the woman he loved bc all men must love a woman plus she had feelins for him (tho tbh i also dont think hers were any different from the familial love she had for kondou and it was also a matter of circumstance but thats another matter) so it was a done deal but still easy to leave behind for a new life n have as backup/excuse for any other

woman hed meet or more like a shield from havin to open up w/unravel to any feelins of love of a non familial nature for anyone. his take on love is rly naive n pure (contrasted to ofc my baby whos smart n no fool) bc it also serves as shield n hes also said to be unable to relate/open up to women multiple times but is defenseless towards men (n sorachi loves that trope esp w toshi n gin chan in which theyre ‘men that are more attractive to other men than women’) which

i think is why hes so well defenseless towards gin chan durin their duel in the rooftops like for gin chan thats just a ‘crazy cop attacked me again’ moment but for toshi it like shakes the foundations of his whole bein he like lies there all wistful like wtf…..im gay? no… w a blossomin crush that only gets worse the more he interacts w gin chan (cant blame him tho gin chan is an angel) but like the way hes constructed specifically as an archetype hes too set in

performin masculinity (kyuchan says this but he also says this abt himself also multiple times) n sorachi is aware to an extent (plus hes drawin from men who were practicin mlm themselves) what this trope entails wrt sexuality n its expressions like for toshi its comfortable not to think abt love or any of that bc he has a goal n the excuse of a dead woman but its impossible to read him as anythin but not straight no matter the degree to which he is aware of it (which

tbh i think its a lot more than what ppl in fandom give him credit for) i have more detailed backed up analysis of this somewhere but i cant find them but basically at the end of the day i think toshi meetin kondo n at least havin some mixed up feelins abt what he feels towards him that hes able to resolve as bein brotherly later on in life set the path for him realizin he can love other men not in a brotherly way n in the way he (as a man) is supposed to love women

wow long but yes like toshi’s archetype in other manga/literature is easily read n can be coded as mlm/gay n is often the case but his issues run too deep for him to even consider that part seriously (at least tbh until 551 maybe baragaki but i dont think that early) so he has to suffer for it he deserves the worst the only reason gh is okay is bc he provides economically for gin chan n would be willin to pay any outstandin debts as shown in the soul switch arc. the end

i feel like this was just a sneak peek into that folder, but I loved it 200%! it’s super hard for me to reply without going into my own headcanons about gh and how they relate to one another, cause the way toshi relates to gin is so different from kondo in my perspective; in fact, it’s why i can’t get romantic konhiji at all, though i admit you make a fair point when u address the transition of toshi’s “most important person” from tamegoro to kondo (at that young age mixed feelings would be acceptable) plus, i always saw kondo as the character that ‘saved’ toshi, while gin was the one that ‘healed’ him. ofc both relationships go way beyond these dynamics, but without any actual canon romantic proof it’s difficult to postulate from toshi’s limited pov. 

so, while the shinsengumi became his substitute family and kondo tamegoro’s substitute (the family core), it’s a given that toshi perceives this love as unconditional, would-die-for etc. however, it would be interesting to explore his feelings for kondo back then in relation to mitsuba; like in an effort to answer the love of a woman (as you so brilliantly put, that in those circumstances toshi HAD to love a woman) he tried to shift his romantic feelings/attraction to kondo’s masculine figure to her ? (IM ONLY  REALIZING NOW THAT THIS WAS PROBABLY WHAT YOU MEANT BEFORE? IM SORRY) tho i don’t agree that mitsuba’s love for him was familial cause ponytail toshi, mack, like pls, she had to be blind ???

then we come to ginchan, whose whole relationship with toshi is based, imo, in the fact that they not only see a part of themselves in each other (the guilty, self-hating, rebel part) but that in seeing it they understand themselves better and are able to open up, share their experiences and encourage one another; not to mention protect what’s dear to them. aka they love each other. there is literally no other explanation for ginchan waiting in the rain for toshi so they could go out for a meal? i mean, sakata gintoki sat in the rain, under his umbrella, looking all complacent & shit. ALRIGHT. 

btw i bolded some of your bits cause i rly relate to them in the way i see toshi, especially the ones about him putting up a shield. toshi has always had problems dealing with his feelings, even before we knew of his past with his brother (which for continuity’s sake was probably what triggered him to bottle  everything up), he had always been written/regarded as a cold, level-headed character who doesn’t let emotions get the best of him. his rank in the shinsengumi further emphasizing this (and his otaku persona as well). so, without disregarding ginchan’s merits, i think that kondo’s influence (and even mitsuba’s to some extent) may have contributed to lowering toshi’s shield enough that he was able to give himself a chance to connect with someone outside his comfort zone/past. the fact that that person happened to be a man only makes more sense given his background and the hints that tell us he was never able to relate to women or feel like he could make them happy. it’s Tough on my heart to say that ginchan is basically ideal because, even though he is the mc, it’s like he was made to play that role in toshi’s life. he doesn’t bring all the answers but rather more questions cause there’s no way toshi can be confused now because his attraction to ginchan cant be excused with the role of ‘brother’ or ‘fated woman he was supposed to love’, gh bond is their own, their closeness in canon SHOULD raise suspicion cause it sure doesn’t seem straight.

well, i digressed WAY more than i should, but yeah that’s it, kudos on that folder. 

[diamorics]

Y’know what? Shoutout to the people who post their writing/art/OCs/things like those while still minors

I’m 17 years old at the time of this post but my birthday is August 22 (it’s June 11 right now), and it’s only recently out of my entire life I’m gaining the courage to post my writing online... my writing means a lot to me

Things like cringe blogs who target and ridicule young people’s content are fucking vile, please don’t get discouraged and stop whatever you’re doing

I non-sarcastically, completely seriously applaud every single one of you

gh sorry I’m just...... getting emotional right now and I’ll get back to only related blog content tomorrow I promise

[chainofdespair]

Multiples of 9! (There was too many questions to read so if there's any creepy ones feel free to skip them xD)

Ooh, how interesting!! Thank you very much, friend! ^^ Apologies for the long post!! Also sorry if I got my math wrong at any point, for I am terrible at it 

9: Favourite flavour of anything?

Hmm, generally, I like sweet flavored things! I particularly like strawberry, raspberry, chocolate, and vanilla flavored things! 

18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down?

Umm, I don’t watch many movies! But, I’ve always loved the Nightmare Before Christ/mas a lot. 

27: Am I in a relationship?

Nope! 

36: My current obsession?

akaljfao I can’t pick just one. TOFFEE from sv/tfoe is a biiiig one. Yu/Gi/Oh is another one. Persona is a constant obsession. 

45: Last film I watched?

Moan/a! 

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off?

Haha...on. I have a night light, actually, rip 

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger?

I’d always wanted to be an author when I was younger!

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do?

Assuming I won enough, I’d buy my mom and aunt houses, get myself either a cheap small house or an apartment, buy yearly subscriptions to some of the things I subscribe to, uhh....save a lot, and donate some to charity or businesses around town! Oh! And give biiiig tips to people at restaurants! 

81: Story behind my last kiss?

I’ve never had one! 

90: Favourite sporty activity?

ha ha, um. In theory, kickball is fun, as are soccer and swimming! 

99: 3 things I hate?

Rude people, the state of the world, onions

108: Favourite Youtuber?

Gh/ost is pretty good, as is Juby/phonic! Non-singing/ vocaloid related, though...I used to watch Ash/ens a lot! Not really anymore though. 

117: Am I religious?

Not really, no! 

126: My current project?

Haha, I abandon all my projects after like a day, rip. But I want to continue working on my rpg game, and also work on a lot of oc/ story stuff, probably by writing drabbles. Oh, and I want to write fanfic for certain things. 

135: Do I like gossip?

If it’s gossip for the sake of gossip, no. If it’s something relevant to people I care about and their well being, or relevant to myself, then I like being in the loop. 

144: Have I ever been on a plane?

Nope!

153: What was my first car?

Never had one! 

162: What do I hate most about myself?

Hahahaa, 95% of things. Jk. Um, my incredible ability to overthink absolutely everything. 

171: Do I hold grudges?

If it was a one or two time thing, no. If the person continues to exhibit the same behavior over and over again, then I’m more likely to dislike them for the things they’ve done in the past. It depends on circumstances, and the person. 

180: Do I like shopping?

If I have money to spend and I like the store, sure! 

189: Love or career?

I’m not sure what this is asking. Love a person, or love a career? Uhh....I don’t know. 

198: Zombies or vampires?

Both are cool, but I like the idea of vampires more. 

207: Worst job I’ve had?

Probably volunteering at this animal place. It wasn’t that bad, but it always smelled strongly of antiseptic and it made me feel ill for no reason.

216: Favourite fictional character?

TOo many to list. Let’s see...Toffee’s a biiig one right now, Adachi, Kevin from w/tnv, Gundam, Pearl from s/u, the Bakurae from y/go, Snake from Black But/ler....way way too many to list, haha. 

This was fun! Thank you so much!