#nobody to blame but me but i am still very The Sad about it

[pnthra]

rip 2 me vday is my fave holiday but i didnt think of anything to do rp-wise for it bcuz i discovered i (accidentally) waterboarded my very expensive laptop with an energy drink :')

[nonsensechemicals]

crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

this is a lil part two for this lil request fic i wrote about katsuki takin' care of a drunk reader ! yall rlly seemed to like it n asked for a part two so, here it is !! hope yall enjoy !

no pronouns mentioned, just pure fluffy katsu, microscopic angst maybe kinda and if you squint HARD (reader gets a little bit upset), soft katsu but he's also an asshat but we love him anyways, mentions of food n eating, mentions of bein drunk, lemme know if i missed sum else !

"ya told me you loved me yesterday."

it's all katsuki utters in the quiet of your apartment as he looks out the window.

you promptly choke on your toast.

you manage to cough down your bread. clearing your throat as you try to speak as naturally as possible. “oh yeah ?”

katsuki grunts in response, taking a sip of his orange juice and smacking his lips before speaking again. still looking at the window and away from you, it makes you nervous. “yeah, thanked me for always takin care of ya, r’something”

katsuki is trying his very hardest to speak casually and he’s praying to every god there is you can’t hear the slight quiver in his voice or see the slight shakiness of his hand when he brings the glass of juice to his lip.

“oh.” your heart beats so loud you can hear it in your ears. you try to salvage the situation and you force out an awkward laugh. “ i mean—i am thankful to you, y’know.”

“ya should be, nobody else could handle takin’ care of your ass.”

“hey !”

you think this is fine. you were drunk and stupid and you’re fine with him brushing off your accidental confession like this if it means it won’t make things awkward. if it means he’ll keep coming over to your house like he owns the place and cook for you because you apparently don’t know how to cook for yourself well enough for his liking. as long as you can keep hanging out with him and going out for drinks and having him take care of you. though, you might not drink as much next time you two go out.

after a minute or two he speaks again “did you mean it ?”

your hand is already reaching for his half bitten piece of toast when you freeze for the second time “did i mean what ?”

katsuki scoffs, smacking your hand away from his toast with two fingers, you let out a little whine “ i know you’re not dumb, so quit actin’ like you are.”

“but i don’t know what you mean !” you inwardly cringe at your dumb response.

“when you said you—“ katsuki cuts himself off with a quiet groan, grabbing his toast and splitting it in half, chucking one of the pieces onto your plate “whatever” he mutters to himself. your heart squeezes when you see the sad frown on his pretty face he doesn’t seem to realize he has.

you don’t know if you’ve still got alcohol in your system, you don’t know if you’ve fully slept it off yet, if you’re fearless or crazy or just plain stupid, but after taking a bite of the toast he’d given you you blurt out something you were sure you would’ve only had the courage to say if you were black out drunk.

“i did.”

katsuki turns to you the moment you finish your sentence, bright red eyes widened as he tries not to let his surprise show, he fails to though. “ you did what ?”

in the back of your mind you want to pout at him because you know he knows what you mean. you know he just wants to hear you say what he wants to hear and it makes you a little grumpy because it’s early in the morning and you don’t look your best at all right now. you’re too embarrassed to even look him in the eye yet his bore into you so hard it feels like a magnetic pull, like you’re being forced to look at him despite your best efforts not to. you want to be at least a little mad but you can’t blame him, you feel like you owe this to him in a way.

“ i did mean it..when i said..” you’re incapable of looking at him as you feel shame creep onto you, clinging onto you like a sweaty shirt, you manage to swallow down the piece of toast“ when i said that.” you trail off quietly.

no sound is made and no voice is heard for at least a minute, but you feel yourself wanting to cry more and more with each second that passes.

you get the courage to look up at him and instantaneously which you never had when you see a smirk on his annoying face.

“that ? that, what ?” he jeers with a grin bordering on evil, sharp teeth on display.

you throw your head back and groan “katsuki, oh my god !” leaning forward across your table you try to pull his nose after you hear him chuckling. he swiftly dodges you, grabbing your wrist and then your other one when you try to pull a fast one on him, unsuccessfully. you grumble as you sit back down and if you weren’t as enamored with him as you somehow ended up being you’d have knocked that stupid smirk off his face. everything seems to be against you, including your heart.

he hums once you’ve sat back down “ooh, you mean when you told me you loved me, right ? s’that what you meant ?” he snickers, shit eating grin on his face. asshole, he’s not even trying to look innocent.

“you’re not funny.” you huff, crossing your arms and glaring at him. “ like, at all.”

“you’re right, i’m not.” he responds, leaning his forearms against your table “ i’m hilarious, actually.”

a part of you wishes you could punch him. hard. another louder part of you just wants to kiss his smug expression off his face, both options sound extremely tempting but one of them more than the other.

“hilariously stupid.” not your best retort, but you’ll take it. katsuki huffs out a laugh as you pout and look off to the side, you’re so fucking cute.

his smirk doesn’t fade as he keeps staring at you but his eyes soften as he leans in to rip your arms away from your chest “ relax, m’just fuckin’ witcha.”

“yeah. haha. funny.” you spit. katsuki starts getting actually worried he’d hurt your feelings and quickly tries redeeming himself. he pokes at your cheek once, twice and you swat his hand away when he goes for a third poke. then he leans forward so he can tickle your side and inwardly sighs in relief when you swat at his hand trying to hold back your laughter. the way he’s leaning against the table is a bit uncomfortable for him but as long as he keeps that warmth on your face he couldn’t care less.

he gets up and grabs his chair, dragging it against the floor causing it to squeak and making you cringe, you let out a noise of displeasure but katsuki doesn't look the least bit phased as he bring his chair to sit next to you.

his cheeks are red, you realize it now that he's sitting so much closer to you. he speaks after a moment of silence "so you meant it, yeah ? when you told me you.." he trails off at the end of his sentence. he's quieter than you're used to. there's a certain hopeful urgency in his eyes that has you shyly nodding your head in response.

he’s looking at you and you’re looking right back

“i meant it.” you whisper.

“i know.” he whispers back after a beat, before pressing his lips to yours.

the kiss lasts about 10 seconds before he pulls away, then leans in again for another, slightly longer one. when you separate your breathing a little heavy. you place your hand on his face and rub his cheek, admiring the way his eyelashes flutter slightly and how the feeling causes shivers to run up his spine. you can't help the goofy smile that pulls at your face and neither can he, you both chuckle slightly.

then you take a breath as if contemplating if what you were about to say was worth it. but katsuki knows you don't care and he's right because you say it anyway.

"we should go out for drinks to celebrate !" you giggle. he playfully rolls his eyes, pinching your side making you let out a squeal.

even though you call it a celebration katsuki knows it'll be the same charade as usual. you'll drink until you pass out and he'll bring you home. he'll help you clean up and take you to bed and have breakfast made for your hungover ass in the morning. but this time, you'll be his. and to katsuki, that's worth so much more than the headache he knows you'll give him.

[edgeray]

Ray! 🍅 anon here, I said I wasn't going to request but there's one idea I've been really, REALLY itching at.

So you know how you reblogged "cold nights" by beiibeii? Yeah about that... I think I cooked an angst idea of this on a related tangent? (If you choose to write this, ofc)

How about Mother!Reader who is faced with the same scenario of Arle neglecting them to the point that she loses hope in their relationship? Think of the angst when the children constantly remind their Father of important dates but she's away or somehow missing most of them because of work. To the point reader just implies for them to stop trying and accepts the fact that they married Arlecchino but is now simply the Knave's wife? Like even the children can see them losing hope which is why they sometimes lowkey plead with their Father to actually pay more attention to Mother. Mother marrying Father means that Mother is strong but behind their strong facade you can see their sadness! You can feel their loneliness! And their sense of isolation and sorrowful acceptance of their new reality. And Arle does not pick up on the subtle signs until it's Too Late. Like. Reader in the coffin Late.

And as the Knave's wife Reader does need to undertake missions like in "I am Fine in Your Arms" but because reader has lost so much hope in living a wife outside of being the Knave's wife, reader does not make an effort to return alive. The angst of the burial, maybe the children blaming their Father etc. The really young ones aside, I don't think they would be actively angry with their Father, just very, VERY, disappointed. HotH would lose its warmth for a while before Lyney, Lynette and Freminet try their best to build it back (but of course, it never becomes as warm as it used to be)

Whether or not you choose to give this one a happy ending is up to you, but on my end the only happy ending that I cooked up for them is that Arle wakes up in the next Samsara with all these memories of losing Reader and prevents the relationship from going South in the first place. (Bonus points if Reader also has the memories and compares it to how they were treated by Arle previously, makes a comparison, and goes "How I wish this were my Arle" without knowing that it actually IS their Arle, just acknowledging she fucked up BIG time and is now making heavy amends for it. and Arle Knows because of that look that Reader gives her, sorrow and joy in a complex blend.)

...I think by now you can tell that I'm an angst writer too HAHSHHSHA Nobody leaves my fics without getting a knife and I promise it's just for the plot (like we always say).

I've still been keeping up with your writings (Beauty and The Beast actually fits, holy-) (Someone send Siren!Arle a whole farmhouse of ham for her consumption please) and yes I agree that you've been pumping out bangers after bangers. (I mean. Given that, you probably can afford to be a little indulgent? If writing this much quality about your muse doesn't give you the OK to put your hands all over them, abs and all, what does?)

As always, prioritise your sanity and schedule first, stay well rested and hydrated!

Lost Warmth

(Arlecchino x GN! Reader)

A/N -  Link to my momma's (@beiibeiii) piece right here. If I see you read this before reading the masterpiece I just linked, know that I am a very disappointed axolotl. 😔  Anyways, you might be able to tell just how long this has been sitting in my inbox… haha… my bad guys. T^T. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to write more angst. :3 And thank you for the additional comments 🍅 anon. I do have quite a soft spot for siren! arle, seeing that she was my first request (and requested from my momma :3). Wanted this to be a little longer, but I do have to wake up earlier tomorrow, so this is what you get T^T. Hopefully it's still good. Content warnings / info - angst, character death (duh), reader is referred to as ‘Mother’ but is otherwise GN!, 1.4k words

Cold is a feeling you've long gotten used to. Cold is your husband's dismissal of your existence, with every interaction ending with her blunt words and back towards you, leaving you with a crumbling heart. Cold are the long nights as you anxiously wait for Arlecchino's appearance for a candlelit dinner you spent half the day preparing, only for her never to return until you fell to exhaustion on the couch, a flower bouquet that remains unreceived in your hands. Cold is the creeping loneliness in the late hours of the night, when you've finally grown tired of anticipating someone that will never come, and returned to bed alone. Cold is the way you shiver underneath the thickest of blankets, no one's body warmth to sink into, no one's softly whispered words into your ear to drift you to sleep. Cold is when instead of your husband, only dim stars, a bottle of liquor, and the tears that stream your face join you in bed.

When was the last time you had felt warmth? 

You recall when the Knave first started courting you, how gentlemanly she was for such a rumored cruel Harbinger. You were first just a caretaker of the House of the Hearth, this small orphanage which you quickly found to be home for you. You couldn't help but adore the endearing children, watching as you slowly became a staple in this family. Despite your best efforts of hiding it, Arlecchino noticed when you snuck in the occasional pastry or cake from the town's most lavious bakery for the children, out of your own paycheck as well. It was then, your husband admitted, when she first fell for you. It had taken her months of encouragement from her ‘pestering’ children before she asked you out, and it was impossible to not fall for her charm.

How could you not? Not when she held you like you were her world. Not when she viewed you higher than the Tsaritsa herself. Not when her touch was heavenly, her words silky and sweet. When she proposed to you, your heart leapt with levity, and you thought your life was perfect now. A warm house, fitted with warm parents, that was what you had had, you had never felt so content. 

Then came the long nights. Nights when she trudged home later than usual, where she fell asleep without a word but sunk into your arms still. Then she started forgetting, forgetting about the dates and birthdays, and anniversaries more and more. At first, you chalked it up to her demanding Harbinger duties, but as time grew and the excuses started to run out, the perfect life you knew was crumbling. 

You became aware of this two years after your marriage when you had been preparing dinner for the two of you once she arrived home, slow cooking a steak since the early hours of the morning. Just as you exited the kitchen, you heard some children surrounding your husband before she left for another Harbinger meeting, telling her that you had a surprise for her once she came home and how excited you were for her to enjoy a new recipe you created. Your heart swelled with hope and appreciation for your children, especially when Arlecchino promised she would return in time. 

You should have known better.

You ate your tear-ridden steak alone and went to bed, leaving the steak out for her for whenever she returned home. Just like how you fell asleep, you woke up without your husband's presence, and when you arrived at the kitchen, the meat and the note besides the plate were untouched. 

You tried to eat the cold steak for lunch as well. You threw it away at the first bite. That day, you gathered your children, pleading them not to ‘pester’ Father with more reminders, as she was very busy. All that you gained back from the children was pitied expressions, and the agony in your chest worsened. Your children could pity you, but your husband couldn't? Even with your husband's coldness, you still carried out your Mother role, if only for the children. You cannot deny that the children's antics helped you forget the ever-present void inside you, caused by Arlecchino. 

You never learned the reason for Arlecchino's behavior, why she had grown so cold towards you. Now, you suppose, you would never know.  

Red fills your hazy vision as you lay on the ground, your entire body aching and fatigued, desperate gasps for air while your heart pounds in your eardrums. Your side was sliced, and the crimson liquid quickly poured out of the wound while you tried to stop the bleeding, but to no avail. 

This is your end, you think to yourself as you weakly turn on your side, every nerve in your body protesting against the movement. Your bloodied hand comes into view, your engagement and wedding ring gleaming slightly underneath the blood. The rings bring your thoughts to Arlecchino–oh, how you imagine the common disappointment in her otherwise apathetic expression, disappointment at your mission's failure. Your eyes bubbled and blurred with tears, vivid memories of your wedding flashing through your mind. The wedding ring is beautiful, still polished with that bold scarlet, the same color of her eyes, the same eyes you could never stop drowning in.

Would she even know your absence? Would she ever acknowledge you, treat you properly like her partner even if you did return? You doubt it. Did you want to return a cold bed, to a husband that does not love you, to a house no longer warm? 

It's warm. 

Your body feels like fire courses through your veins as you feel inexplicably hot, yet it's a welcomed heat. It's the first time you've felt this, but it feels familiar, comforting, like a hearth, and you want nothing more than to surrender to it. It soothes your heartbeat and calms your breath, easing your body as if you were to sink into the most plush of beds, swallowed by the thickest of blankets. The warmth coils around you, wrapping you like a cozy embrace, evoking you to sleep. Your eyes flutter shutter, a faint smile plastered on your lips.

It feels just like Peruere's arms. 

— 

Arlecchino receives a letter addressed to her on the third day you've been sent on a mission. The contents make her drop the paper, and she rushes outside, without an additional word, leaving the House. 

The children do not see her until she returns late into the night, a body wrapped in cloth in her arms. Arlecchino raised her children to be smart, to be attentive, to be logical. Whose body it is, they realize with little difficulty. 

The children weep that night. Arlecchino does not. How can she, when her source of emotions is gone? 

The burial takes place soon afterwards. As your body is placed into the ground, Arlecchino can feel the weight of her children's stare on her back. The charged tension between her and the children is palpable without words. She cannot discern which of the two reactions cut deeper. The seething fury underneath the oppressive grief for the young ones, having to lose another parent, or the crushing dismay inhabited by the older ones, specifically the twins and Freminet. 

Their thoughts are clear, even when none of them speak out loud. 

How could you fail Mother?

The House of the Hearth no longer suits the orphanage's name, not with your missing presence. There is no warmth, no matter how much the trio tries to fuel a lost flame. Even with Arlecchin's pyro vision, it is futile.

Arlecchino stands before your gravestone, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in her hand, and she rests it beside the other bouquets by your grave. Six bouquets in total, for each day after your burial. 

“For all the flowers, I should have given you, my love,” she whispers as she addresses you, glancing up to the heavens. The last two words make her feel like a fraud, undeserving of calling you hers, when she had clearly never shown so. 

Arlecchino, the Knave, the Fatui Harbinger, does not plead, does not beg, does not kneel. However, her knees drop to her dirt, and she grovels. “Please… wait for me one more time, my dear. Once I meet you again, I promise I'll never leave you alone, I'll never let you out of my arms again.”

There is no reply. 

Arlecchino feels cold. 

[unscapedgoat]

I've seen people recently call Ragatha "evil" or "two-faced" due to Episode 4??? I absolutely need to address this

⚠️ CW: Discussion of substance use ⚠️

Like, idk if it's a thing here but I've seen people on Youtube say this exact thing and it drives me INSANE everytime I hear it. I'm a huge Gangle fan, I never talk about it here but I am. She's my favourite character but you absolutely cannot fault Ragatha for everything bad that's happened to Gangle in ep 4.

Let's put the facts first: Ragatha is normally nice, but suddenly in episode 4 she acts mean and people give her shit for her telling Gangle "you know you're kinda annoying like this", so much so that Gangle [allegedly] almost abstracted near the end. She talks shit about Pomni "flirting" with Gummigoo and tells Jax she hates him but doesn't want him to hate her.

First of all, she was squirted with stupid sauce, which may have been an allegory for hard drugs or alcohol. That basically stripped her of any verbal filter she MAY have had, so that already puts her actions into much needed context. She's not conciously telling Gangle that she's less annoying when she's sad, or conciously spouting every mean thing about literally everyone she sees. From what I see, she's highly unhappy with her situation and the people around her... you know. Like a REAL human being. Her actions were not hers, it's literally like calling me a bad driver because I crashed the car for drunk driving. No. Should I have crashed the car? Obviously not? But it wasn't ONLY my fault that the alcohol toyed with my reaction speed. [not extracted from experience the last time i drove was during my driving exam]

Second of all, she is so obviously a people-pleaser. People like to call her two-faced because she acts nice to people but actually secretly is mean. It's made very clear that she's nice to let people like her ["Jax, I hate you, but I don't want you to hate me"] and she desperately craves the validation of being liked ["I wish someone would flirt with me"]. And no, that doesn't make her two-faced. Two-faced is when you try to go behind the back of someone to say something for your own gain. Ragatha's need here is a very human want, which is the want to fit in and be liked.

Third of all, YES she almost got Gangle to abstract but it's not her fault. She didn't KNOW that it would cause Gangle to abstract, and she had no malintent. Also (vaguely gestures to stupid sauce again)

Fourth of all, NOBODY SEEMS TO CARE THAT JAX ALSO PLAYED A PART IN THAT??? I know Jax is Jax and he's an asshat, but he still said Gangle was better liked when she was sad and I've only seen people blame Ragatha for it and rarely Jax.

Lastly it's absurd that Ragatha seems to be getting hated on just for disliking some aspects of people in the Circus [with the exception of Jax], GOD FORBID SOMEONE HAVE HUMAN EMOTIONS.

[larluce]

Arthur confinment in his royal chambers! WHAT happened!

HA, HA! Well in my fic "From the Grave to the Cradle" Arthur grow up in Ealdor with Merlin and is raised by a farmer old couple. The confinment happens after Uther discovers Arthur is The Lost Prince, ergo his lost son. Arthur refuses to accept Uther is his father for all the horribles things Uther has done and wants to escape, so Uther locks him up in his chambers cause what a better way to reconect with your lost son? :D . Arthur is also freaking out cause they took Merlin for interrogation and hasn't been able to see him since he's been locked up, so, after his attempts to fight the guards and escape through the window didn't work out, he goes on a hunger strike and refuses to eat anything until they let him see Merlin.

Having that context. Here my little snippet of the fic:

Arthur's confinement in his Royal Chambers

Merlin: (enters Arthur's chambers with a tray of food)

Arthur: Merlin! (runs to him and starts checking him)

Merlin: Careful! Don't drop the food.

Arthur: (his hands end up in the curves between Merlin's neck and shoulders) Are you okay? They didn't do anything to you?

Merlin: (he shakes his head and smiles reassuringly) They just asked me a few questions. There were some threats, but they didn't touch me, I promise.

Arthur sighs in relief. Although they told him they would only interrogate his friend, he could not trust the word of a king who is known for torturing his prisoners until he gets the confession he wants.

Merlin brakes away from his friend's grasp to place the tray on the table... but he found it lying on the floor, as well as the chair and everything else. "They didn't exaggerate when they say he destroyed the entire room," he thinks. Everything breakable was broken. The wood of the furniture must be of very good quality if the chair and table were still intact. A flash of gold of his eyes and the table and the chair are upright again. Happy, he places the food on the table.

Arthur: (angry and scared) Merlin!

Merlin: What? There's nobody here. And I had my hands full, how was I going to move it?

Arthur: You could have asked me to move it for you!

Merlin: Oh... I... I didn't think about it. Sorry.

"You're not supposed to do it, you're the prince" is what he really meant to say, but he kept it to himself. He has the impression his friend won't receive those words well. Furthermore, he has to learn to turn off his servant mode if even his magic was willing to serve Arthur without a question.

He looks at Arthur, he is still very shaken and Merlin knows it isn't just due to his ill-timed display of magic. He sighs, Arthur doesn't need a servant now, he needs his friend.

Merlin: Sit, you look like you're going to faint (guides him to the chair) How are you?

Arthur: How am I? I just discovered I'm the son of a genocidal tyrant! I'm supposed to be the prince, but no one listens to me in this castle and I'm locked in my own "chambers" which is bigger than my house in Ealdor! Ealdor who is still waiting for our food supplies! Ealdor that is where we should be!

Merlin: Arthur…

Arthur: (sad) I just want to go home.

Merlin: (sits on the table, infront of Arthur) I would give anything to get you out of here. It's not fair that they force you to have a life you don't want. But we have to be realistic, even if we managed to escape and return to Ealdor, that is where they would look for us first. It would be of no use. And if Camelot soldiers are seen in Essetir we could cause a war.

Arthur: We can run away somewhere else! To another kingdom, a forest, an island, anywhere! Anywhere but here.

Merlin: We could never settle down, we would always live on the run and in fear. And Uther will always look for someone to blame. We are talking about the same king who started a purge against all the sorcerers in the world because a sorceress killed his wife! What do you think he'll do if he thinks his son was kidnapped again?

Arthur: No one is kidnapping me!

Merlin: But he's not going to see it that way! Don't you get it? If he doesn't find villains he invents them! Just a moment ago... (stops himself)

Arthur: A moment ago, what?

Merlin: A moment ago I was almost accused of being an accomplice to the person who stole you as a baby.

More specifically by Gaius and he had to figure out how to pose as another victim of the "evil sorcerer", but Arthur didn't have to know all the details.

Arthur: (in full panic) WHAT?!

Merlin: I know, ridiculous right? Luckily I was able to make them understand that you are two years older than me and, as incredible as it may seem, one cannot collaborate in the kidnapping of a newborn baby if this person hasn't, you know, been born.

Arthur calms down and sighs, as defeat overcomes him. Merlin is right, they could never truly be free. They were screwed. He was starting to get depressed again, when he sees his friend picking at his food. That wasn't unusual, in Ealdor they shared food all the time. The strange thing was that Merlin is making a pause before moving on to the next meal. Like doing a countdown in his head.

Arthur:  What are you doing?

Merlin: Checking that the food is not poisoned, my lord. It would be a disgrace if you were killed in your first day as a Prince. (Does another mental countdown)... 3... 2...1... Yup, I'm still alive. You can eat.

Arthur: Merlin.

Merlin: Do you want me to cut your royal meat for your royal person? We don't want your delicate royal hands to make such mundane physical exertion only worthy of commoners.

Arthur: Merlin.

Merlin: Or would Your Royal Highness prefer that I also feed you in your mouth?

Arthur: I got it, I got it! (he tries to look annoyed, but despite himself he laughs) I'll eat.

They both eat in comfortable silence.

Merlin: I don't know what's going to happen from now on, but I promise I won't leave you alone. We will face whatever comes together. (he takes Arthur's hand comfortingly) So please don't get into fights with guards... or break things... or jump out of windows.

Arthur: I didn't jump out of any windows!

Merlin: (points at the blocked window in the room with his head)

Arthur: (blushes) I wasn't trying to jump. I was going to use a rope to climb down and escape.

Merlin: A rope?

Merlin looks around and sees the bed sheets lying on the floor tied together.

Merlin: That would have broken as soon as you used it.

Arthur: (offended) Are you calling me fat?

Merlin: No, but those sheets are silk. A very expensive, delicate and, therefore, breakable material. You were saved from a very certain and humiliating death.

Arthur: Oh... (blushes more)

Merlin laughs, which makes Arthur smile. At least he still has Merlin.

Arthur: I don't know who stole me, kidnapped me or whatever, but I'm glad they did it.

Merlin: (surprised) Really?

Arthur: Yes! Can you imagine me growning up with that man as a father? He would have turned me into a tyrant and a murderer like him, a heartless monster.

Merlin: (shouts) That's not true! (notices his outburst and composes himself) I mean... I'm sure you would have been a very noble and kind prince, and a great king eventually despite having such a horrible father.

Arthur: How are you so sure of that?

Merlin: (thinking) I know. I saw it.

Merlin: Because you have a big heart. (He puts a hand on his chest) Full of love and compassion for the people around you. That's something you're born with. (His hand moves to Arthur's shoulder) Not everything is determined by upbringing, nor is everything determined by blood. You and Uther share the same blood and look how different you are from him! If you had grown up here as a prince, you wouldn't be much different. Arrogant, perhaps, much more than you already are. Just as stupid, yes, definitely…

Arthur: Hey!

Merlin: But in essence you would still be the Arthur I know.

Merlin: (thinking) You're still my Arthur. The Arthur I fell in love with.

Arthur: Maybe… (caresses the hand Merlin put on his shoulder) but it would still be a very miserable life.

Merlin: Why?

Arthur: Because I would have never met you.

"No, in all lives we are destined to meet" Merlin thinks, but the words are said with so much feeling and Arthur looks at him with such intensity that he is left breathless, lost in his eyes. Merlin is more aware of the hand on his, giving light caresses with his thumb. Merlin doesn't know when he leaned so close to Arthur, or did Arthur get closer? But suddenly the distance between his faces is reduced considerably.

Merlin: Arthur…

Merlin has no idea what he was going to say, nor will he know. Suddenly, the doors to the chambers open wide again, causing both of them to immediately pull away, embarrassed. Merlin gets off the table and stands to the side in a servant's pose.

Guard: (bows to Arthur) Your highness. I hope you enjoyed your meal. (Looks meaningfully at Merlin)

"Did he eat everything?" the guard's eyes asks him. Merlin nods his head slightly in response, "Yes, he didn't leave a single bite." Well, he ate a little of that too, but details.

Arthur: It was... not so bad.

While Arthur is still embarrased about almost being found in a compromising situation, he notices the exchange between the guard and his friend, puzzled. Everyone already knows the farce, why does Merlin keep pretending to be a servant? Or were they forcing him to act like this now that he is the prince?

Guard: (to Merlin) You did a good job, boy, you can leave.

Merlin nods again and is about to leave when a hand grabs his arm tightly.

Arthur: (sharply) No.

Merlin: Arthur…

Arthur: He can sleep here. The room is big enough for both of us.

Merlin: Arthur, that's not right.

Arrhur: I don't give a damn what's right or wrong! I'm not going to let them take you away from me again!

Merlin would be very touched by his friend's concern, if it weren't for the fact that the guard seems to have every intention of pulling them apart by force if necessary and that would only make things worse, because then there would be another fight, they would bring in reinforcements and there will be chaos.

He turns to face Arthur and gives him a reassuring smile.

Merlin: They're not taking me away. I'll be back in the morning. Someone has to make you eat your breakfast (meaningful look at the guard) Isn't that right?

Guard: Of course, the boy will be here as soon as you get up, sire.

Arthur wants to retort, but Merlin begs him with his eyes not to. "Don't fight with guards," he remembers Merlin told him.

Arthur: (sighs resigned, but calmer) Alright. But it better be that way, I'm not going to receive food from anyone else, understand?

Guard: Yes, sire.

Arthur: And also give him food and a bed to sleep in. He is not a prisoner or a servant in this castle. He is a guest, treat him as such. If I discover you have done him any harm, I myself will harm you back a thousand times worse.

Guard: The boy will be treated with the respect he deserves, sire. No harm will befall him.

Merlin noted the trick by saying "he will be treated with the respect he deserves" to avoid the explanation of "We cannot treat a peasant as a guest, but we will give him the best treatment accordingly." Very clever, Merlin thought.

Arthur: And Frank?

Guard: Yes, sire?

Arthur: Please stop calling me "sire". You make me feel old.

Guard: Yes, sir-your highness.

Merlin and Arthur give each other a heartfelt hug as farewell. Then, Merlin picks up the tray and leaves the room. They stare at each other until the door is closed between them and the guards lock the doors again.

[starlight-artbby]

Y'all the newest X-Men 97 episode blew me away. Like the animation ate down and it was just so good like I was thoroughly enjoying every second.

I knew that Scott was gonna hold some grudge against the professor and I don't blame him. He left his dream to his team and honestly failed him and damn did this episode remind him that over and over again. Especially Rogue who clearly was fed up with his ass. And I swear I was gonna cry when I saw her wearing Remy's coat and I had a tear nearly fall from my eye when Kurt looked so devastated to tell her again the Remy is dead like ugh I was in so much pain.

Speaking of pain Jubilee and Roberto. How dare they do this to me. I knew from a mile away that Roberto Was gonna go with Magneto (along with Rogue) and I completely understand why. His mother straight up abandon him and handed him to the people who wanted to kill him. Like of course he is gonna be pissed but when Jubilee said you still have me I felt like a part of me died because he walked away and that shit had to hurt.

Now I completely laughed when Magneto said the line about Lilandra. I can't remember exactly what he said but I do recall being gagged and gooped and not him telling Xavier to shut up like if those two don't just go to couples counseling...

Now I won't lie, Morph had me when he pretending to be Sinister so if I were Bastion I most certainly was gonna get caught. May I also express how I thought that Beast was going to get pieced through the chest during that fight sequence like I was on the edge of my toes.

Once again Sinister proved to me why I hate him so much. Having Jean fight her own son?!? Foul and then her contacting Cyclops to tell him that she loves him!!! Like why does X-Men 97 like hurting us? And if Storm or Forge ends up dead, I am most certainly fighting someone.

Now the new looks... Huh... Why did they have to put that cap on my boy Scott. And Jean she ate down with the boots but the gloves and the mask?!?! No mam. I loved Rogues outfit along with Logan's. They could've had morph in something a lot better. Kurt ate as usual and of course Jubilee ate up her look along with Storm. I couldn't tell if beast put on anything different so I can't say much about that but regardless, some of the team needed a better wardrobe.

Now I know some people will probably get mad at Rogue and Roberto for going with Magneto but honestly, Rogue was there on Genosha. It has messed her up so badly and we continue to see the side effects till this very episode. I already explained Roberto so I honestly am not mad at him but I am sad that he couldn't see that Jubilee was there for him just like sadly Rogue couldn't see that the team would be there for her but honestly, their feelings are still valid as fuck and I don't want to hear anyone else say other wise.

Also why did they have to do Wolverine like that!! Huh!!! Like y'all better have his regeneration ability kick in. I also feel so bad cause I know that nobody was expecting murder to occur up there that's for sure.

(also Scott stopping Xavier from forcing Magneto to return power was everything to me cause he did it for Jean and it's time he shows that woman some love.)

Also where is Bishop!?!?!

Now for the things I enjoyed. I loved the new opening. I was so happy to see Storm back in it again. It really made things start off well for the episode. I loved Rogue clocking Xavier and telling him exactly what she needed to say.

My favorite part of the episode though had to be when Jean and Storm had reunited and when they parted ways on the mission. Those two are sisters and I love the show for reminding us of their incredible bond I just lived to see it.

I also enjoyed Scott and Jean giving each other a hug before they parted ways and when Scott gave Nathan that advice I truly loved it. I am hoping that'll stop him from attacking Jean (possibly) if not, Jean will girlboss her way out of there.

I can't wait for the final episode (I hope I get Remy and Logan and anyone else who gets injured back) ♡♡♡♡

[stargleam-star]

My thoughts on Star, and A Starless Clan as a whole:

Spoilers ahead for A Starless clan amd a bit of Ivypool's Heart if it wasn't obvious. Time for me to go on a rant! It's gonna feature me mostly gushing about Frostpaw because she's the only character with enough substance to talk in length about. But I've got other things to talk about too I guess. Lets get into it:

As usual, Frostpaw was the best character of the book and honestly the most relatable. She kept Going Through It until basically the very end and I felt so bad for her.

What I am glad about though is that she got the killing blow on Splashtail! Fuck yeah that's my baby girl <3

But he did get a hit in on her before the end and left her basically comatose which was tragic. Reading Frostpaw drift in and out of consciousness and what she saw while knocked out was really cool tho. I especially liked that she got to have deeper conversations with Curlfeather. She wanted so desperately for her mother to admit fault, to show some remose for her actions. Instead Curlfeather kept focusing on how Splashtail ruined her plans, and how he's to blame. All she wanted to do was protect Frostpaw and Riverclan. There wasn't the slightest bit of remorse at all. It was so tragic reading Frostpaw wishing her mother would hold herself accountable. It really hit home with me. In the end, Curlfeather couldn't face the truth and left Frostpaw behind to conclude her mother wasn't a good person and learn to accept that so she could move on. Heartwrenching stuff imo

I got really sad when Frostpaw started taking a turn for the worse and finally got to see Starclan. She got to meet her dad and was so happy, he made her realize that she needs to focus on herself and her happiness instead of worrying about everyone else's needs. Nobody understands how fucking Relatable that is to me. Nobody come near me rn.

Frostpaw wanted so badly to finally give up and be at peace. She wanted to be happy and relax, and to help in other ways. As much as that would have crushed me for her arc to conclude with her death, it really did feel like a good end for her. She would have done so well as a Starclan messenger. She deserves the rest. Sadly the narrative didn't want that to be the end of her, so she got to come back. Hooray /s

I like the medicine cat name she was given! Frostdawn is pretty (although I am lowkey disappointed she wasn't named Frostfeather, and that's not because I wanted her sharing a name with Curlfeather. I've got an oc named Frostfeather and it would have been amazing for a canon POV character to have that name too. Alas).

I'm also going crazy over the fact that her and Whistlepaw (now Whistlebreeze) got named together. I love these two lesbians so much its insane. The speech Frostpaw gave Whistlebreeze about being a good medicine cat and how grateful she was to have been saved by her? I'm planning their wedding as we speak

Frostdawn ended up choosing Icewing as Riverclan's leader, which was the obvious choice from the start imo. Also very predictable but what do I expect from a series written for 6th graders? I'm still salty as hell we got to see her leader ceremony but never Squirrelstar's.

I find it weird that Icewing was against Frostpaw in the beginning of Wind but then came around to "omg you were right" because Splashtail got mean. It was kind ooc for her, but then again she stopped having a bigger role during that book up until the end of Star.

Why tf was Icewing's voice the loudest that Frostpaw heard when cats started singing to bring her back to life? Also how tf were regular warriors able to sing to reach Frostpaw's spirit? I get that Tree was with them, and Icewing had spent a few days with The Sisters in Ivypool's super edition, but it doesn't explain how they were able to get that power. Also it was "all the she-cats that love [Frostpaw]" which included cats such as Duskfur and Mothwing who'd been mean to her throughout a good chunk of the arc... ok. Anyways.

All of A Starless Clan should have been soley in Frostdawn's point of view. Nightheart and Sunbeam barely brought anything to the table

Might as well talk about them. I like how Nightheart's character arc finished. He wasn't a jerk by the end and started being more respectful. His POV felt pointless most of the time, but I liked getting a glimpse of the inside of Riverclan during the height of Splashtail's reign (more on that soon)

Sunbeam's POV was completely unnecessary. While I liked that we got deeper thoughts on Berryheart as a result of Sunbeam, I don't think we really needed it for the story. I don't even think the way things wrapped up between them was good.

I'm gonna talk about Berryheart now because she's more interesting. I've come to the conclusion that the Erins dropped the ball with her as a villan. By the end, she was nothing more than a traitor in every single way. She was untrustworthy and I cheered when she died. She should have died 3 books ago if she wasn't gonna do anything worthwhile. No her trying to get Shadowclan on her side to let her be leader in the end qhike trying to convice them to rise up against Riverclan was not good. It was stupid as hell, almost as stupid as her joining Riverclan and becoming its deputy

I'm gonna talk about Splashtail but there's not a lot to say that I haven't already (but I will repeat myself). It felt like the Erins were trying to remake Tigerclawstar and his villan arc with Splashtail. Think about it. Ambitious, broad shouldered, dark brown tabby tom, who conspired with cats from another clan to kill their leader in order to gain power for themself? Check. A merger of Shadowclan and Riverclan? Check. Evil cat wanting to rule all the clans? Check. A deputy slain for having a different opinion? Check that off too.

As stated before the only differences between Tigerclawstar and Splashtail was that Splashtail was a lazy coward, Tigerstar actually belived in Starclan and its strength, and Splashtail had none of the charm or support that Tigerclawstar had. Also Splashtail had to resort to threatening the life of kits to get cats to do what he wanted, while Tigerclan followed Tigerclawstar's rule because he was formidable and had cats in it who truly believed in him and his vision for the future

Splashtail was written to be so cartoonishly evil and it was a sad thing to read. I'm glad Frostpaw got to kill him, and I loved how he was tormented until the end by Curlfeather's demon spirit.

I didn't like how they implied Splashtail might be the way he was due to mental illness though. I'm probably gonna get hate for saying that, lol. But in the last book they wrote him to seem like s psychopath, as well as implied him to be schizophrenic because he was talking to someone that wasn't visible (even though he was actually seeing a real dead person. But nobody but Splashtail and the audience got to know that). They literally called him crazy throughout the last book, the entire time. And idk it just felt like they were villifying mental illness a bit as a result. Again I'm probably reading into it too much, don't come at me please

The leaders were not as impactful in Star as I'd hoped. But at least they acted and fought together in the end. I loved that the leaders actually participated in the battles to liberated Riverclan instead of only sending warriors to do it. I love seeing leaders fighting for the good of their clan and putting their lives on the line (that's what their 9 lives are for. Looking at you Brambleclaw)

I didn't like that sone of Riverclan's cats were trying to join Thunderclan near the end of Star and I liked how Squirrelstar acknowledged that they had too many warriors as itwas, and how they had to expand the warrior's den in the past because of it. Wish the Erins would do something about all those cats

99% of Thunderclan was not mentioned at all this book, including the elders + Brambleclaw from what I read (I might've skimmed iver smth tho idk) but there was mention of cats like Myrtlebloom and fucking Eagletail for sone reason (is that their name? I can't remember). Tell me why any of these cats are alive if they're not worth mentioning while we have a camp scene? At least I got to see my girl Daisy <3

A Starless Clan had so much potential and the writing and mystery in the beginning were really good. I just wish they'd kept it up throughout.

Star felt like a flat finish and while I liked the way Frostpaw's chapters concluded and the whole main plot of Riverclan without a leader, I hate that the book ended on a Nightheart chapter and that the last like was about how he "could be brave and loyal no matter what his name was." Like that was a really dumb final chapter of the arc, a genuinely novice choice. It ruined the arc conclusion for me. Frostdawn's chapter should have been last

OverallI I will give Star a 3/10, and A Starless Clan 5/10 stars. It could have been great. But then, it wouldn't be Warriors would it?

[dropthedemiurge]

Honestly, at this point, maybe they both should move on and focus on themselves.

I get why Dohoe is acting this way, but I still don't think it's justified, you know? I can 100% understand why he wanted to keep a wall up - I personally would want nothing to do with the person who became the perfect daughter I could never be for my abusive dad. I can even get how Dohoe might've seen himself in Hyeonho and established a truce then grew close, both of them having quietly studied their way out of that town.

I understand all of that, truly. However, Juyeong is still a person, and he doesn't deserve what he is getting. It's true Juyeong is the one who is pushing for a way back into his life. And you know what? maybe Juyeong doesn't deserve closure. But, he also doesn't deserve disingenuous intimacy or vaguely classist comments about where he is in life. He doesn't deserve the mind games. Dohoe is being very unkind. If you're going to let him back in then commit.

I think that unless we see Dohoe go and work through some sort of therapy then the best conclusion would be a bittersweet ending. One that would see Juyeong learn to not invest so much into another person and start figuring out what he even wants out of life.

Dohoe has a lot of healing to do, both of them do. Will being together make it impossible? No. But, from what we are seeing, Juyeong's presence itself is a trigger for Dohoe. Juyeong, who so quickly made a home out of Dohoe, who currently can be likened to a puppy desperate to play with his busy owner, reminds Dohoe of his own. It's quite tragic, really.

A lot of people got an off vibe between them in the episodes that just came out. The reconciliation didn't do it for me personally (could be a language barrier thing tbh). The overall tone is also getting a little too corny for my taste, I'm not a big fan of love triangles and I thought the show was actually portraying it well at the start so I am disappointed to lose that authenticity.

I did not find anything romantic about Juyeong renting a nice car when he is struggling to make rent for his apartment, just so Dohoe (who is classist now for some reason??) will give him time of dsy. If this is the direction the show is taking I will be sad at the lost potential. I have enough confidence in the show to believe that it is all intentional. I think the juxtaposition of the two sex scenes was meant to highlight their emotional distance. Something isn't quite right and I think that is exactly what we are supposed to think.

Fingers crossed for next episode. 🤞

- ☁️

That's what I thought, anon!

Maybe it's not destined for them to be happy with each other without all their burdens. After all, the show is called 'Let Free the Curse' (in Korean too), the requesting, the demanding, the pleading way, and not 'being free of the curse'. The show keeps telling these characters in every episode that they need to let themselves free of the curse, and yes - it was external first, but Dohoe and Juyeoung grew up to be adults, yet they choose the curse over and over again.

I am so damn curious where this is all going.

I agree with all your comments, but also I don't think the blame is solely on Dohoe, you know. That's the thing, there are 2 completely different viewpoints and 2 different pasts that haunts them. Like you said, Juyeong's presence itself is a trigger for Dohoe. We already heard about it in the past 2 episodes, how Dohoe sees him. He is one of 'Them' for Dohoe: enjoying and resorting to violence, selfishly expressing emotions, upholding chains and rules (be it with religion or taekwondo). Dohoe loved him and told him to go away, to break free, tried to care for him in the inevitable violent space -- yet Juyoung stayed, and continued being violent with his dad (and then befriended him), and almost dared to say this was all because of Dohoe, because he sacrificed himself for him when nobody asked him to. As someone who almost became the monster too (when he grabbed that knife), no wonder Dohoe hated the past and everyone connected with it on that side. Juyoung is a selfish monster who made him happy and then came to haunt him. I get it.

And for Juyoung, Dohoe was a sunshine in rain, the little snowflake of happiness in the middle of a shitty life and abandonment. They shared first kisses and thrills, hiding from everyone, dreaming of running away to Seoul together, dreaming about the entire future together - that's how he was able to bear and withstand every beating, every shitty day and neverending insults. His parents got rid of him in hopes he'll stop being a sinner, and Juyeoung couldn't do it, but he found Dohoe – but wait, Dohoe disappeared and left him too. Without explanations, without giving hope (until the message was found years later). Everyone left him, so Juyeoung latched at the monster who beat him up because he felt the similar loneliness. Of course, this will always hurt, of course, he won't be able to move on, of course 12 years time gap feels like one long day because the questions were never answered, because hope was never properly torn out of him. And him seeing Dohoe living a 'better' and more rich life, saying he's finally free but obviously living a lie, still, like he used to -- again, more unanswered questions, and Juyoung deserves answers!

I think language barrier is one thing, but I also got an off vibe with their reconciliation, not in Korean but more like how fast it happened. How not enough information or discussion was provided - but then the episode proved that Dohoe deliberately avoids talking about it, and Juyeoung doesn't call him out, so I think the 'reconciliation' is also a deliberately shown lie. Like a fake snow that is only a surrogate of real happiness.

We're not supposed to be satisfied with them yet. They aren't. Like you said, something isn't quite right and I also think that's exactly what is being told to us. Hohyeon is another guy who's stuck in the past and this curse, but he deserves his own post xD But yes, to me it feels like very deliberate. Happy reunion isn't happy at all.

I'm not sure we'll ever be happy for them, unless both of them let free the curse, once and for all.

[aihoshiino]

I‘m reading through Umineko atm and am at the last episode of the answers arc and that made me think a lot about ONK for some reason (or rather they‘re both occupying the same amount of brain space atm lol)

Super big fan of both and I still love ONK and many of its characters for what it tried to do, even if i really don’t enjoy the direction the ending is heading at the moment for many reasons, but one of them is the whole wrap up of the revenge-plot and Hikaru and Ai‘s relationship. I loved the 2(?) chapters where Aqua confronted Hikaru with Ai‘s timeless love letter, because it felt so human, their relationship and how deeply tragic and emotional it was but also very… real? So, to see the last few chapters flip-flop between „Kamiki is a really fascinating character with a lot of depth and deeply human“ to „He is just a mastermind manipulating liar and is just flat evil“ is really sad.

Hope it’s kinda understandable what I‘m getting at, english isn’t my first language so excuse any mistakes…

Maybe I’m just spoiled by how Umineko handled murder-mysteries and also tied those mysteries to its themes of love and relationships but, oh well.

ANON!!! I'M GRIPPING YOUR SHOULDERS!!!! THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL THIS TIME!!!!!!

Obviously OnK even at its best doesn't quite reach the same heights as Umineko and even when the character drama and story are in their most well-realized forms, OnK's mystery is still kind of half baked lol. Which to be fairness to Akasaka, is a VERY different skillset than what he made his bread and butter doing but still. Very funny.

THAT SAID... I do think it's really fun to put Umineko and OnK in conversation with each other if only from a thematic/vibes perspective because I think they have some surprisingly similar things to say specifically about misogyny, autonomy and abuse. They were coming at it from very different directions, but they arrive at very similar places. "Lies are love" and "without love, it cannot be seen" aren't... not basically expressing the same sentiment after all.

Those similarities really do make it all the more disappointing where OnK ends up, though.

(Umineko spoilers behind the cut, as well as some trigger warnings; ROT13 filtered because the CWs themselves are also spoilers lol - traqre qlfcubevn, fhvpvqny vqrngvba, puvyq nohfr, cneragny vaprfg & pfn)

As much as I constantly joke about Ai of B-Komachi being Hoshino Ai's Beatrice, I think Hikaru is actually the most Sayocore character of Oshi no Ko which makes it so much more of a let down that OnK fumbles him like it does.

Like... Umineko lets you see Sayo at her absolute worst, the peak of her traumabrained depravity and nevertheless trusts that you will be able to look at her with love and empathize with her when the time comes and you start to see her heart. It treats her with such tender care, letting you excruciatingly understand every step she took down the path to finding the gold and blowing up the shrine until you realize that there really was no other way things could have gone for her. The environment of the Ushiromiya family is so incredibly poisonous and putrid that she was already one foot into suicidal ideation before she found out about her heritage and what Kinzo had done to her mother. Even if you can't agree with her actions, you can understand and sympathize with why she ends up taking them.

OnK... sort of seems like it's setting up to be doing this with Hikaru then takes a massive swerve?? It's bizarre. We even have an accidental parallel to EP8's "an accumulation of sins" moment during Ruby and Hikaru's first meeting where she fucking looks into the camera and is like "btw nobody is born ontologically evil, when people commit violent and antisocial acts their environments are almost always to blame" and that combined with how Aqua's first confrontation with him plays out and tbh the Movie Arc's characterization of Hikaru as a whole really makes it feel like the story wants you to see him as we're asked to see Sayo in Umineko - with love (read: empathy and an open mind).

But then ig it turns out he was, actually, ontologically evil and also has a serial killer cult??? So who even knows lol. What I wouldn't give to be able to pick Aka's brain for even 5 minutes as to wtf he even thought he was cooking with Hikaru in the end

[crownmemes]

Sad Sentences, Vol. 5

(Sad sentences from various sources. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"I wanted so much to be like you..."

"It's not the first time, it won't be the last, but I'm in the doghouse again."

"Do you see why I told you it would be best to forget me?"

"No man lives without regrets."

"I missed you, and I didn't realise how much until I saw you yesterday."

"You're saying this to break me down."

"You should have been the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I look you in the eye, and you don't seem so stone-cold to me. You just seem lost - maybe a little sad."

"I simply cannot love you the way you want me to."

"Sometimes, I think there's something missing."

"You seem a sad man. Tell me why you're so sad?"

"You know, what you did for me, nobody's ever done that for me before."

"I never thought I would say this, but I am so sick of looking at myself right now!"

"I've spent a whole lifetime learning to hide my feelings."

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"Someone must have hurt you once real badly."

"We stay with the hurt we know rather than risk being hurt again."

"Say something reassuring?"

"I'm being foolish, aren't I?"

"Now isn't the time to get emotional."

"Shut up and kiss me."

"Don't you give up. Don't you dare."

"Any time anyone starts to matter to me like this, I get cold."

"Are you embarrassed about being seen with me?"

"For the first time in my life, I was happy."

"You don't know me. You think you do, but you don't."

"You don't have to stay forever."

"I'm going to need a moment to process this."

"Love. You're better off without it, and I'm better off without mine."

"You don't like me very much, do you?"

"I remember too much."

"I've missed you. I've missed all the things we used to do together."

"What's there to smile about?"

"Sometimes I feel we live in two separate worlds."

"It's best if you forget about me."

"I wouldn't blame you if you hated me."

"You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?"

"It's over. I'm done."

"You have a nice smile. Something tells me sightings of it are rare."

"I don't know who I am anymore."

"If I don't drink, then I start to feel - and I don't like what I feel."

"Nothing I do is ever good enough for you."

"I'm a terrible person. I pretend that I'm not, but I am."

"I wake up sometimes and I think to myself 'how the hell am I still alive'."

"Why does everything I do have to make sense? Why can't I just do what I want every once in a while?"

[goodolddumbbanana]

I... I need Sun to get loose, man. I need Sun snap. I just can't take it anymore, seeing Sun just like that.

Right now, I hate Monty, Puppet and Foxy very much. Sun is right, who gave them the right to decide what they can do with moon?

Illusion of choice, they keep asking Sun but don't like the answer Sun gives.

Giving permission to my ass, like if Sun said no, bet they are still doing it.

So righteous, it feels sick. I hope Sun would never forgive them and cut ties with them. I hope Sun cuts ties with everyone else and starts a new beginning, even Moon.(earth and lunar have flaws, and they are really going in a thin ice right now, but still, they just think more for themselves and honestly, good for them...)

Because from the beginning until now, Sun was stuck, and kept being stuck.

Getting orders around by Moon, Monty, Puppet, Eclipse.... Forcing him making choices so obviously they still do it their ways, that Even Sun wants to save NM, no one would do that for him. And they only ask Sun, like just because what...? Suddenly they care for Sun's feelings? Heck no, they only do it so after that, Sun will stop crying and hating them because it is Sun's choice, it's Sun who decides to kill Moon, not Monty and Puppet.

To be honest, Sun and Eclipse are really alike, they are both getting trapped, if not the hand of others, so the hand of fate.

Sun getting pushed around like a joke, a trash can, by these people supposed to care about him.

And now some people, keep saying it is Ooc and Sun should forgive Moon and try more to change him?

Well I am sorry but I'd rather die than get back to my abuser, if they are not changing for the better. They are just like Moon, promise, promise, promise and then just do it worse, do the opposite.

And some people say New Moon is no longer abused like Old Moon, why did he get treated that way. Because back then, only Sun and Moon, and their co-dependents were never good, old Moon was not supposed to take everything on Sun, and Sun was not supposed to forgive Old Moon for every time Moon was doing something bad for him. Their relationship, was strained at best and toxic at the worst. Sun almost gets killed by Moon several times, and still keeps blaming himself, blaming everyone when it happens, because in Sun mind, it's not Moon fault, it's KC, it's Eclipse.

Sun is tired now. He is no longer trying to fix things himself, no longer letting people on his nerves anymore. (He tries his best okay)

And what does it connects to New Moon?

We have seen so many episodes recently, the way Sun keeps threatening people. Sun has threatened...? to kill Cat nap, Papyrus, creator, eclipse....? What does it mean?

It means Sun has gone tired, he finally learned that from Earth, because it turned out after Several therapy with Earth, Moon is not a good person and Sun was forced to be happy to keep Moon sane. And he shouldn't feel bad for thinking more for himself and some people would never change, not until they are seeing it themselves.

And it makes me sick in my stomach when people keep defending Moon, and say, think more for yourself is narcissistic behaviours, because you are supposed to forgive family no matter what they do. I am so angry at this mindset because as a person who grow out of it, it feels so hurt to be the one who tries to keep the relationship together while guess what... Nobody cares and just abused it. They never see it. For example my family, they never see how much their lashing out hurting me, just only about them, them, and them. And I always have to be the one to say it is not their fault, it's me, or someone else, again and again.

Growing up like that messes people up a lot. I have to numb myself, I don't even know what I feel anymore because I am not supposed to feel sad, I suppose to always be happy. Because I am happy making them happy.

And the breaking point happened when I went to college, when I get away from them. It hurts to think back, when I don't even have the nerve to think bad about them, not even in my thoughts.

I see Sun in me so much. Because of that, Tired of one person crap and then never take it from anyone anymore? Go girl!!!

Putting some boundaries for yourself is good, and if someone refuses to acknowledge it, well, good for them.

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 14

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Oz Vessalius (Pandora Hearts)

"Struggles with self-worth, adores books, ADHD (though that’s not canon—but he fits the diagnostic criteria), his strongest/most important relationships are platonic"

Sound (My School President)

"Lonely gay teenager who tries to be cool and sauve but gets adopted against his will by a group of losers and then falls for one of the losers who gets on his nerves a lot because he was nice to him once and then he gets all awkward and flustered around the boy and tries to avoid him and antagonize him but the boy sees through it and they eventually end up together and he becomes the most annoying person in love ever"

Luz Noceda (The Owl House)

"adhd. possibly some autism too. a weird girl who got outcasted by being herself and sure has some WACK coping mechanisms to deal with it. self worth is IN THE DRAIN. gnc and not straight. writes fanfic. artist. goes through a depression era when at her moms house. loves her mom also. this is canon stuff i'm saying"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA she is so ASDHSUJD. Okay I started watching the owl house because I knew there was a WLW couple, so obviously I had to check it out. But upon watching the show, I got so emotionally connected to it, or moreso the protagonist, Luz, that it could go beyond some people's understandings... I remember that almost any scene showing her neurodivergent traits would hit SO. CLOSE. HOME. It would be unbelievable. I literally rewatched the show more than seventeen times one summer. She is just so goshdarn relatable man. She's the weird kid, has no friends, loves making anime edits, is OBSESSED with a book series, loves witches and magic and stuff, has ADHD, an attention span that is so high when she's engaging with something she likes doing and so low when she's bored. She's just so lovely. I know a lot of people found her annoying in season one but she hit close home to me. Season two was amazing as well and she started getting even MORE relatable!! She started showing her people pleasing, how much she blames herself, it was so sad but I was glad to see a character I could relate to so much on screen. I mean i personally didn't experience the loss of my father and I personally do have one friend whom I'm able to share my life with, but she's still super relatable. She can be so silly and so cool. And her impulsivity and the way she realized she doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up also hit close home. Mwah"

Gundham Tanaka (Super Danganronpa 2)

"Goth autistic theater kid"

Saiki Kusuo (Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan/The Disastrous Life of Saiki K)

"He's very dead inside, especially in the English Dub, and introverted. But even so, he cares a lot for his friends, even if he never says it to them and he finds them annoying most of the times. He also be nosey and just insert himself into others' situations that don't involve him (obviously, he makes it so that nobody knows he's there and, obviously, he's also complaining about this all the time). He's canonically aroace, or at least aroace spec He's canonically trans. He was born as a girl but he didn't like it so he immediately turned himself into a boy with his psychic powers. An argument could be made about him being on the autism spectrum."

Drew (The Music Freaks)

"I don't like him actually I hate him and love him st the same time in fact but. This man is so real and such a horrible jerkwad to everyone around him. I mean I can't relate to THAT but I should mention he also gets jelous easily, he is in love with his best friend who does not like him back, he's all moody and grouchy and bratty. And so am I and I hate it lol."

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

CW: Mentions of physical violence and weapons.

"I am thinking I want a tattoo"

Remus felt happy and warm even if was winter, almost Christmas. Remus was feeling the festive mood for the first time. Besides the cold, besides the fact he had been robbed, that he didn't have a phone or the little money he kept, besides the fact that he had been hurt and that he missed his best friend already. Remus was relatively happy. There was one person to blame. And he was sitting next to him, very close to him.

"A tattoo?" Remus asked as he smiled.

"Yeah" Sirius nodded. He was drawing a friendly dog in the foggy window of the London Tube "I was thinking what Fen said yesterday. Do I really look like a delicate prince?"

Remus laughed despite the fact that it hurt to think about Fen and the boys. How they once were Remus's family. And just yesterday they tried to hurt Sirius and him. They hurt Grant. But luckily Grant would be safe and sound in Brighton by now.

Sirius’s dog had a speech bubble next to it. It read: "Hello Moony". Remus smiled.

"I want to look more badass if I am going to live in London" Sirius added.

"You're going to live in a posh neighborhood anyway, so it's fine"

Sirius poked out his tongue.

Sirius had been absolutely adorable during their trip to London. It was the first time Sirius visited the city for real. And though their mission had been to rescue Grant, which they managed successfully despite everything, Remus could tell Sirius had enjoyed it. He wanted more than ever to move into his Uncle's apartment.

"I am sorry for bringing the subject, Moony"

Seeing Sirius’s eyes of concern, Remus realized he had a sad expression. And he hated feeling that way for those people. But nobody understood what they had meant for him. Maybe only Grant.

"It's okay, I am fine"

"No, you are not" Sirius prompted "And it's okay. I get it"

Fen had been drunk and probably on drugs when he took out his knife. And when he hit and kicked Remus on the ribs. He still had the bruises. More than the ones he used to have. But what he said had been circulating Remus's brain all day: "Ye'r a traitor! Yeh abandoned us to play to be a posh boy in a posh school. We've used ter be Yer family and yeh left us"

Remus didn't regret going to Hogwarts. It had been the best decision of his life. Not only because he was able to see Sirius again. But in Hogwarts he had met the best people he could find. Now comparing with what he used to have with Fen and the others, Remus realized he didn't know what real friendship looked like, what real love looked like.

"I tried distracting you with Andromeda and Ted"

"And Nymphadora"

"Just call her Dora" Sirius shivered "That name is horrid"

Remus laughed.

Sirius’s smile showed how much he liked his little family. He only had Andromeda and Regulus now. He had been so happy to spend the day with them. Right before The Holidays. Probably it hadn't been like with The Potters. But they were his family.

"I had a really good time with them"

And it had made Remus love Sirius more. He didn't think it was possible to love someone so much. Even if they were just friends.

Sirius, now bored with the drawings on the window, found another distraction in playing with Remus's wrist bands. Every time Sirius touched his skin, Remus felt shivers down his spine.

"I didn't want to let Regulus go" Sirius added with a sad tone.

The Black Brothers were a total Rollercoaster. Remus had seen them fight like cats and dogs one moment. And then act like best friends at the other. While at The Tonks' they had been at peace. Teasing each other occasionally, but fine. Until Regulus said he was coming back to Grimmauld Place for the rest of the Holidays.

"I can believe he keeps choosing them over me"

"He is going to be fine, Pads"

At this point, they were gently touching each other's fingers and palms. Innocent play. But with a lot of meaning in between.

"He is too vulnerable" Sirius added with disdain "Reg is going to let them manipulate him. Something they wanted to do with me"

Remus couldn't help but rub his shoulders. Something a friend would do to comfort him.

"Regulus is very clever. He won't do anything he doesn't want to"

Sirius took a deep breath "Let's not talk about it. It's almost Christmas. I want to take advantage of our moments together before going back to Hogwarts"

"What do you want to do?" Remus asked in amusement "It's almost midnight and we don't have any money left"

"Only what Andy gave to me" Sirius smirked

"For our train tickets for tomorrow" Remus reminded him.

"We still have something left to buy some wine"

"She said that was for tickets and food"

"I am not hungry. Ate plenty at The Tonks. You?"

Remus wanted to smile. Remus wanted to say yes to everything. Remus wanted to follow Sirius anywhere. And do whatever he said. Because Remus loved him.

"I am always hungry. You know that" Remus teased.

"We'll buy some snacks with the wine"

Remus smiled now "You are impossible" he said. Sirius smiled innocently. Remus wanted to kiss him. "Add some fags to the list. Fen left me clean"

That made Sirius laugh "Deal"

The whole ride back to Alphard's flat was full of gentle touches and closeness. Remus let Sirius place his legs on his lap. They were wrapped around each other like some puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. They held hands. Sirius was scooping closer and closer. Placing his head on Remus's shoulder. Remus was getting addicted to Sirius’s smell and warmth.

Somehow it was a mixture of perfection and the slow craving of more. Remus didn't want to think how friends weren't supposed to do this. He didn't want to measure how romantic or how platonic this was. It was just happening.

They had always been close. Even before they started kissing and doing other stuff. Especially now that they had shared secrets and everything was at the open. It was clear they loved each other. And if Remus didn't think much about how or what they were, he could enjoy what he was having with Sirius.

"We should probably call Prongs to tell him we are alive"

Once in the flat, Remus was at ease. He didn't want to think about the fact that he would spend the night alone with Sirius. The night before, Grant had been something to focus. But now, it was only the two of them.

"Call him. I'll light the fireplace. It is freezing in here"

In front of the chimney and after several glasses of wine and some cigarettes, Remus was relaxed and warm.

"Alphard had taste for many things, not for decorating I am afraid" Sirius commented as he looked around.

Remus had been too worried about Grant last night to appreciate this place. Now more at ease, his eyes wandered around. Everything looked expensive and luxurious. Only the best that money could buy. Though Sirius was right. The decorations made the place look a bit ancient.

"Did you know my Uncle used to make hell of parties in this very place?"

Remus smiled "Yeah?"

"Brought many lovers in here as well" Sirius added, then chuckled "Imagine all the sex these walls had witnessed"

Remus was mid sip of his wine when he choked by the comment.

"If walls could talk" Sirius raised his eyebrows teasingly.

"I'm not sure you'd want to listen to those stories" Remus commented.

"My Uncle was a true slag" Sirius took a sip of his drink "At least he had fun"

Remus couldn't believe he was blushing. He was a bit drunk. And fuck it, he was getting hornier. He had promised himself he could be just Sirius’s friend. But it was impossible not to want him if he was so bloody pretty.

"How about you?" Remus asked with stupid drunk confidence "Are you bringing lovers when you move in?"

"I am having parties as well" Sirius answered looking only to the fire.

"What about the lovers?"

Sirius’s eyes fixed on Remus. The boy was out of breath for a second. Sirius scooped closer. Time felt like it had been stopped. Sirius hesitated before touching Remus's curls. Remus let him. Sirius’s hand moved towards his ear. Remus froze. Sirius caressed his neck delicately. Remus closed his eyes because the gesture was giving tiny shots of pleasure.

"I brought you, didn't I?" Sirius whispered before leaning in for a kiss.

It took all the strength in the world to look away and not kiss Sirius back.

"Sirius," Remus began with a trembling voice "You know we can't do this"

Sirius wasn't expecting that answer clearly. He looked hurt. And a bit confused.

"Yeah sorry" Sirius pursed his lips in disappointment "Just best friends, I get it"

"You were the one who said you needed time to figure things out" Remus snapped angrily.

Sirius wasn't supposed to be the hurt one. Not after everything he had made Remus go through.

"Yeah I know" Sirius shrugged, trying to sound uninterested "I just wanted to kiss you" he looked down to his empty cup "It's probably the wine"

But Remus's temper had changed. Everything was so fine with Sirius, so glorious, so brilliant, until he ruined it all.

"Fuck it, Sirius, you know very well how I feel about you" Remus said as he raised to his feet to pour himself more wine. He needed to be drunker.

"It was just a silly kiss, Remus, relax"

Remus turned in surprising speed, almost spilling the bottle on the carpet.

"I do want to kiss you!" And maybe he raised his voice a little "I love you!" he added, taking Sirius by surprise. Although he had said it many times already "But all you do is play with me when you want. You might be used to everyone being at your feet and maybe I used to be at your feet myself. But I can't do this anymore"

Sirius’s expression turned to fury. Eyes glistening by tears. He rose to his feet as well.

"You think I do this to mess up with you? Of course not, Moony! I want you for real"

Their yells echoed through the empty walls reminding both that no one had lived in that place for months. The ghost of the lonely man that used to own the flat was long gone. Perhaps the place hadn't known love. Maybe sex, fun and parties but not love.

"I know you do" Remus answered "But I don't want to be wanted by you. I want to be loved by you, Padfoot!"

Sirius opened his mouth to say something he didn't dare. Instead he replied with:

"Fuck me, Remus! You love to play this game as well. Who was touchy touchy with me in tube just hours ago? You've been all over me all day!"

Remus snorted in disbelief.

"You are the one who taunts me all the time with your touchy shows of affection and your flirtatious words!" Sirius replied with rage "I said I needed time!"

"What do you want me to do? Bloody ignore you?? We were supposed to be fucking friends, weren't we?"

"I don't think we can be friends" Sirius tutted "Everything is ruined now. Are we going to be awkward forever?"

"You are the one who made it awkward"

"Fuck you! You were practically begging me to kiss you!"

"Fuck you! You're the slag that threw himself at me!"

"And now you're acting like a prude, ha?"

Just like that the little spark turned into a fire, burning everything around them. How easily they exploded with words that hurt each other like daggers when minutes before it was good between them. Remus was sick and tired of how much Sirius made him hate him. Just like he was tired of how much Sirius made him love him. All at the same time.

"GO FUCK YOURSELF, SIRIUS!"

Sirius’s force was unstoppable as he approached.

"FUCK ME YOURSELF, YOU COWARD!"

Before Remus could react, Sirius pulled him by his neck into the most passionate snog, the hottest kiss he had ever experienced.

And God knows Remus tried to fight against it, but seconds later he gave into it faster than falling from a cliff. He opened his mouth for Sirius’s tongue. Remus tasted heaven for a second before Sirius broke apart. Remus would have protested but Sirius only needed seconds to whisper the next words:

"I am crazy in love with you, Moony. You drive me insane"

Sirius’s words were rushed and Remus didn't have time to process them. Sirius was attacking his mouth again. Remus was distracted with pinches of pleasure on his mouth as he felt Sirius’s tongue again. And pinches of pleasure when Sirius’s fingers ran through his hair.

When the message was processed by his brain, all Remus could do was smile between kisses. And he carried on. He carried on. Nobody could stop him now.

Remus didn't know how they got to one of the rooms, probably Alphard's, Remus didn't care. They were suddenly fully snogging on the softest bed Remus had touched. Sirius on top of him.

Remus's body raised in temperature. He realized he was only a human and needed air to survive only when Sirius detached his lips from Remus's mouth to his neck. Remus had only microseconds of air until it became difficult to breathe again for the delicious thing Sirius was doing to his neck.

Remus's instinct was to press him closer to him. And the sound that came out of their mouths was almost animalistic. It made Remus laugh.

"God, I love you"

Sirius let out a little snort on his collarbone.

"Moony, Moony, Moony.... I love you more"

Remus felt like fireworks on his chest. Those three words were better than any kiss or touch that Sirius could give him. That euphoric feeling made him smile to the dark.

Sirius giggled "Of course I love you. And I am scared of how much"

Remus caressed Sirius’s back in response. Then he stroked his soft hair.

"Sorry," Sirius added, looking down at Remus. They smiled at each other "I swear I didn't bring you here for this. And I certainly wasn't planning to confess my feelings like that. But, oh Moons, you made it difficult"

Remus chuckled "Well, you shouldn't have tried to kiss me in the first place"

"You looked adorable and irresistible" Sirius pouted. "What was I supposed to do?"

Remus let out a little laugh.

Sirius began playing with Remus's hair as if that gesture didn't drive him crazy.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want" Sirius said. Remus noticed the nervousness in his voice. He adored this vulnerable Sirius.

"You mean..."

Sirius bit his lip "What I said about my Uncle is true. But it was stupid to bring it up. You make me say stupid things, Moons"

"Yeah, blame me" Remus teased, making Sirius hit his arm playfully.

"I want you" Sirius added, and the way he said it sent shivers down Remus's spine "But it's okay if you want to wait"

"Are you proposing me to have sex with you in the same place your Uncle probably had sex with several men?"

"Way to bring the mood down, Moony"

Remus giggled. He was an idiot. He had only said that to hide the fact he was really really nervous. He admired Sirius for talking about this upfront. That's how Sirius got what he wanted most of the time.

Remus had wanted this for a long time. He had imagined it in his head. They were alone. Something that would be difficult back at Hogwarts. And he was completely in love with this boy. So why not? The only problem was that Remus was utterly scared. Mainly of what Sirius would say about his body. What if he didn't like it? What if he found it disgusting?

Stupid bloody fear.

Sirius must've read his mind because he took it as a red light. So he rolled to the side, panting to the ceiling.

"We should probably finish the wine and go to sleep, Moons. Prongs made me promise we would be at the Castle in the morning. It's Christmas Eve tomorrow, remember?"

Remus didn't want to go to sleep. He didn't want to lose the opportunity to be with Sirius. He was dying to touch him and show him how much he loved him. Hell, he was a teenage boy in love. He couldn't wait to have his top surgery to have sex, right? He wanted Sirius more than he had wanted anything.

So he rolled to his side, took Sirius’s shirt and pulled him into a wet desperate kiss. Sirius responded willingly.

In no time, they were all over each other again.

Remus pulled Sirius’s shirt off. And Sirius did the same with his. Sirius kissed the bruises and scars Fen had left the day before.

"I want you to be the first, Sirius" Remus whispered to the other boy in the dark. "I want to be yours forever"

Remus felt how Sirius's heart speed up with his words and Remus could've sworn seeing him blushing even in the poor light. Sirius was absolutely gorgeous and God how much Remus loved him.

"But I am not taking this off" Remus added, pointing to his binder "Is that okay?"

Sirius nodded at once. His eyes were shining as he said: "You're so beautiful, Remus".

The fact that he used his name made everything more real. Remus believed him.

"I love you" Sirius added shyly.

Remus smiled.

"I think I've loved you since the first day I saw you. I just didn't know it. I was a fool ten year old boy"

Remus touched his cheek. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't believe Sirius felt the same. Remus had loved this boy since he was a kid. This love had seemed impossible, unreachable and one-sided for so long that Remus couldn't believe it had been the same for Sirius. They had been terrible idiots.

"If you're saying things to get me horny, let me tell you I already am"

That comment made them laugh but also break the ice. And cut the little tension they were having for their potential first time.

"And here I was trying to declare my sweet love to you, Moons" Sirius tutted "You have to make everything sexual..."

"Shut up and kiss me" Remus interrupted with a sweet delicate kiss.

A kiss that started everything. Nothing stopped them after that. There was no time for words. But they told each other everything with touches and sighs of pleasure. The walls of that flat witnessed something extraordinary. Not only hot and messy sex once again. But the most honest demonstration of love. Remus liked to believe they had been the first ones to make magic while making love.

Remus would remember it as the happiest night of his life.

[korereapers]

Title: Tainted

Rating: Explicit

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

Ship/Pairing: Astarion Ancunín/Gale Dekarios, bloodweave

Warnings: smut, Netherese orb shenanigans. LOTS OF FLUFF

AO3

Join the bloodweave server if you want to!

It has been a mistake on his part, and Gale can't help but blame himself for it. Who would be to blame, if not him and his foolishness? For how much he prides himself in his intelligence, evidence suggests that he has been, yet again, way too impulsive.

"It's more than fine, darling," Astarion says after a deep sigh, and Gale knows that he must be lying. It's not fine, nothing is fine, and Astarion's thumb on the corner of his own lips, licking it absentmindedly, tells him that he has, indeed, ruined the night.

"I swear to you, Astarion. In Mystra's name, I swear I had no idea-"

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Astarion exclaims, clearly irritated, baring his fangs dangerously, but Gale has learned to discern real danger from just a very visible frustration. "I know you had no idea! I know you wouldn't! Can you please keep that goddess of yours out of this?"

Gale bites his own tongue, because everything he can say would make the situation worse. He knows that Astarion blames Mystra for his situation, but Gale knows well enough that he has nobody to blame but himself. His foolishness, his impulsiveness. It wasn't hubris, not really, not as he understands it. He wanted her to like him, to admire him like he does, to-

"Honey," Astarion says, a hand with long fingers on Gale's cheek, a tentative touch that desperately makes him want to go back to reality, far from these thoughts. Can he allow himself that, though? Doesn't he owe him, them all, himself, and Mystra the guilt he is feeling? Isn't it better to do something useful with it, to use what he has inside of his chest for something good, instead of corrupting everything good that has ever happened to him? "Gale. Stop thinking. Look at me."

Gale smiles weakly at that.

"I am afraid, my vampiric companion, that ceasing all thought is kind of an impossible task-"

Astarion groans exasperatedly.

"Wizards… Fucking wizards."

"I mean. At this moment. I am brimming with thoughts. And not the good kind, I assure you."

Astarion's touch is cold, almost grounding. Red eyes look at him with worry, as if Gale was the one hurt, and not the other way around. It makes the hole inside of his chest feel bigger, the orb thrumming softly.

"Don't try and deflect again. That’s supposed to be my job."

Deep down, Astarion cares. He cares, because he reacts, sometimes viscerally, to the choices the group makes, to what Gale does to him, or to himself. Blood might not flow naturally inside of his body, but anger can make it boil just the same. Sadness does make his eyes sink, his movements slower. Happiness making his features shine, too young to what he had to endure, too full of life.

Gale doesn’t really want to think about when Astarion’s expression shows fear.

“I am aware of the… reservations you had towards us getting intimate. I of course intended to give you space. I tried my best at it,” Gale starts, his voice a little high, panic still fresh in his body. “I wanted to give you a special night. A night you would never forget.”

As if in cue, the starry sky becomes even more beautiful, its colors more intense. It’s a miracle that Gale hasn’t lost his concentration, given the circumstances, his magic still a wonder to Astarion, who looks up for a brief moment, only for his eyes to be back on Gale’s a second later. 

It might be dark, but Gale works his magic for human eyes, and Astarion is an elf, and a vampire. He can see his warm eyes, rightfully worried, even if his worry is misplaced, this time. He sees how he gulps, he can almost feel every breath, even more because Astarion himself doesn’t have to, his lungs useless long ago. His blood, warm inside of him, the most tempting current, its flow a temptation he has learned to ignore most of the time.

He is aware, both of them are. Gale’s blood is corrupted, the orb inside of his chest making his body slowly rot from the inside, its magic taking Gale’s, and everything he touches with a purpose. Astarion hasn’t tried it again, Gale being adamant about it, about how dangerous it might be for him.

Gale is sure it is, at least. Not an acquired taste, as Astarion had tried to put it. As it turns out, it was not just his blood that got tainted by the Netherese orb, but many, many other parts of his body. Which is why, when Astarion had made the exact same face he did back when he first tried his blood while trying another completely different fluid of his, Gale had panicked.

Blood is one thing. It’s different when your vampire companion tries to bite you against your will, and he bites more than he can chew. Quite literally. Enjoying the… attentions Astarion’s mouth gives to him, after weeks of dancing around each other? After a well needed conversation about how Gale hasn’t had a partner after Mystra, while Astarion very much prefers not to be touched sexually until he feels ready? That’s a completely different thing.

Gale has ruined it all. Again.

It’s surprising, because he feels their illithids close, together, connecting. Astarion might not be able to understand, but wants to. His expression relaxes as Gale lets him connect, lets him see. There is no point in hiding anything anymore.

“You wanted to make it special. For me.”

Gale nods, closing his eyes  when Astarion closes the gap between them, not to kiss him, but to touch his forehead with his own. Astarion, who doesn’t like physical touch, initiates it with someone like Gale, who caresses his cold face as if it was easy.

“You are afraid of this eternal feeling of yours. You feel that you are not good enough, that you have to impress me to make me think that you’re… worthwhile. That you have failed me and you have failed yourself.”

Gale doesn’t even try to hide, a sigh escaping his lips, his heart sinking when Astarion imitates the gesture a second later. He can feel his irritation through the tadpole, but Astarion keeps his cards close, he always does. The connection gets interrupted when Astarion moves, and Gale is, indeed, afraid. Afraid that he has ruined it even more.

Mystra didn’t deem him worthy. Maybe Astarion thinks the same.

The vampire shakes his head, graciously, and Gale finds himself looking, red eyes shining in what he recognizes as anger. Anger at him, maybe. That would be understandable, as Gale Dekarios seems to have a talent to make people angry at him.

“That’s… oddly self centered, don’t you think?”

Like that, Gale’s mind goes blank. He registers the words, but they don’t make sense to him. A part of him makes his blood burn with rage at the audacity, but the sad, heavy feeling that reminds him that he deserves it is too overwhelming for the rage to take place. It drowns its embers without effort, and Gale is left weak, his shoulders slumped.

Here it comes. The punishment.

“You don’t get to decide what to think and what to feel. Only I get to decide that.”

Gale wants to speak, really, he does. He has practiced speeches for situations like this, so usual with Mystra, having to use his silver tongue to get in her good graces again, until he couldn’t do it anymore. Until no words would appease her.

He can’t talk, though, because his lips are sealed with Astarion’s, whose anger seems to translate into a particularly rough kiss. A kiss that hurts, a kiss that heals. A kiss that makes him bleed. 

He wants to warn him, he really does, but his brain feels foggy, almost as if it wasn’t his own. Gale kisses him back, selfishly, and he feels Astarion tense when he drinks, the taste probably hellish. Everything in him surely tastes like Hell.

But Astarion doesn’t relent, and damn, Gale knows that neither of them are particularly strong, but Astarion manages to push him into the floor, letting him breathe just before he kisses him again. A different type of hunger, he guesses. His red eyes burn like a predator’s, and Gale wonders, even if for a brief moment, what color they used to be.

“Stupid fucking wizard. When are you going to stop being lost in your own mind? I care about you, everyone cares about you. You feed and take care of this group of weirdos, you talk and talk, and Hells, talk so much and so eloquently it makes me angry at how much it makes me want you.”

Gale shudders at his words, not moving an inch when Astarion starts unbuttoning his robes, slowly, dexterous fingers tracing his skin. He is beautiful, the lines on his skin as he frowns, his eyebags of not sleeping properly in who knows how long.

A hint of fangs shine behind his lips as he admires Gale's body, his chest hairy, rising and falling, the rhythm increasingly quickly because of how excited he feels, his breathing so intense he is afraid of passing out. A slender finger plays around the orb on his chest, and Astarion finally smiles a little, Gale's body reacting to his touch, the weave reacting to his touch.

"I'm afraid I am not sure of what will happen if you toy too much with it, Astarion."

Red eyes glint when the vampire's smile becomes more visible, playful, almost cheeky.

"We'll be careful, won't we, darling?"

He feels exposed in front of him, all of his fake pride gone, not flaunting anything anymore. He feels insecure, even if he knows how good his skills are, maybe because he does, and doesn't consider them nearly enough. Blame the tadpole, Astarion seems to notice.

"I like the Gale Dekarios I see. Not Gale of Waterdeep, not Mystra's chosen. Just you. She doesn’t get to define you, and neither does anyone but yourself."

Gale does smile a little at that.

"You are sweeter than you claim to be, Astarion."

The vampire scoffs at his words, as if they were the funniest joke in the world. Gale doesn't need an illithid to feel the bitterness coming out of him.

"I speak the truth, my star. You know I do. And your words, your feelings, are more than welcome. They may hurt, but I can discern good intentions when I see them."

Astarion does groan this time, no energy to sugarcoat it.

"Can you please shut-"

"I want to kiss you again, Astarion. And do whatever you are comfortable with. The only thing that worries me is that I will burden you with a rotten body, and a rotten purpose."

He feels that the words lose their original meaning, his pants still unceremoniously unbuttoned, his robes half open, long hair disheveled, a clear blush almost everywhere. It’s Astarion’s time to shudder, though, his expression intense when he gets closer again, Gale’s breath on his face, and he feels it in Astarion’s features, he thinks it’s nice, that it feels nice. Astarion’s breath is, of course, absent, an intense red color filtering through beautiful, white eyelashes. Knowing. Waiting.

“Come and get it, then. Show me how much you want it.”

Gale feels a tug from inside. Something in his chest that’s not his orb. Something down his abdomen that’s definitely his cock, still hard, against all odds. Still, he has to ask. He would never forgive himself otherwise. A small gesture towards Astarion’s comfort.

“Do you want it? Do you want everything my body, mind, and soul can offer you? Even after having briefly tasted me and felt how far gone my body is?”

Astarion doesn’t move, almost not blinking, so clearly undead that it should make Gale’s skin crawl, but it doesn’t. It really doesn’t, not when Astarion’s hand is nervously on his own, his lips still a treat to Gale’s eyes. He feels the word before it abandons Astarion’s lips, a half casted spell that Gale feels against his lips.

“Yes.”

He is sincere, the word engraved into Gale’s brain, making him tremble in anticipation. Gale’s warm hand is on the cold cheek, just keeping him in place as he moves, closing the distance between them with a shaky breath.

The Nine Hells be damned, Gale knows what he is doing, but Astarion almost has it engraved in his muscle memory. He gets lost in the sensation, something that makes Gale’s heart flutter, because Astarion may be used to sex, but he is not used to this. He is not used to the way Gale’s hands shake, slowly and desperately trying to get rid of the vampire's clothes, until Astarion helps, his hands more skilled at the matter. 

With a decent amount of collaboration they manage to show themselves, unclad, under the myriad of stars.

“Are you okay, darling? You look like you’re about to collapse…”

Gale nods, desperately, his lips letting out a soft moan when Astarion’s hands explore his body, every curve, the soft patches of hair. He shudders when a slender, cold hand is on his cock again stroking him softly, his mouth carefully biting Gale’s lower lip, dry blood on it that only seems to make Astarion even more eager.

“You won’t like whatever I can offer you, Astarion. Especially not you.”

Astarion huffs in frustration, a word in elvish that he doesn’t quite identify, but he doesn’t move when he is on the ground again, Astarion’s beautiful body shining under the artificial aurora Gale has created. Lots of small, little stars joining one of their kind, whose fangs slightly glint in a grin when Gale looks up at him, hands on his waist when Astarion straddles him with his legs.

“I wanna ride you. That’s what I would like to do.”

Gale’s throat is dry, eyes big and focused on Astarion’s face. There is no warmth on his skin, but that’s just another reason to keep him close. To try and remind him of when he was alive, before Cazador, before all of this madness. Warm hands move from Astarion’s waist to his chest, aware of the lack of heartbeat, still feeling in the tension of his muscles that he is, indeed, nervous. He caresses the scars on his back, and dexterous hands guide him downwards quickly, way too quickly. As if he didn’t want Gale to touch the words engraved into his back. He respects that, of course, his cock surely interested when Astarion’s hands guide his own towards his butt, and Gale blushes when the elf smiles knowingly.

“I assure you, my dear. Whatever your body and mind can offer me is more than welcome."

Gale isn't so sure about that, to be honest. Not about Astarion's… predisposition, but about his own body. Maybe if he manages to talk to Mystra one day… maybe she would understand. Maybe she'd forgive him, and grant him a body he doesn't deserve. Maybe.

Astarion brings him back to the present, far from possibilities, making him focus on what they are doing. A bottle of something Gale bought as soon as they got into the outskirts of Baldur's Gate floats in the air, courtesy of Astarion's invisible mage hand. He smirks at him, fangs showing slightly.

"Do you want to get me ready, or would you rather watch?"

Both choices seem impossible to Gale's own fragile mental health, to be completely honest. Still, the choice is obvious to him at the moment.

"If you do not mind… I would rather touch you myself. You might find that I have some… untapped skills."

He doesn't know how he manages to say that with a straight face, but Astarion's smile only gets wider. He believes him. He really does. He takes the small bottle from the mage hand, handing it to Gale carefully.

"I'm sure of that."

There is this thing about Astarion. About sexual matters, he always seems to be confident, experienced. Not a hair out of place, clearly a performance that has been honed for centuries. His façade breaks slightly when Gale's coated fingers caress his entrance, red eyes bigger, like a nervous animal. Prey, for once, and not a predator.

Gale is, still, very much not a predator, thank you very much.

"You know you can relax around me, Astarion. We can stop whenever you want."

Astarion's groan is supposed to convey frustration, but to Gale's ears is just yet another expression of fondness.

He feels tight and cold around his finger, eager and fed, having drunk from one of their enemies mere hours ago. He feels warmer when he is sated, Gale has noticed. More alive, also more sensitive. His soft sigh when Gale slowly fingers him is not performative, for it's not perfect, not calculated, not so beautiful for it to be irreal. He is sure that Astarion would blush if he could.

Gale likes it even more this way.

The way his red eyes shine when Gale looks up to kiss him are more than enough, though.

"Hurry up. I can take it, wizard."

Gale knows he can. He still doesn't rush it, arching his finger a little, his caress a little quicker, but not much. He kisses his lips, his chin, his sharp cheeks. Sadness fills him when he thinks about being unable to feed him, not in a way that matters. Meat and stew taste good, but do nothing to placate Astarion's hunger. He still eats, though, not saying a word about the taste, so Gale assumes he enjoys it. Astarion would never take anything less than what he deserves, after all. In that aspect, at least.

Gale is the living proof of the exception, after all. Why would he choose a human, with a rotten body, a damned future caused by the most damaging part of his ego?

"Wizard. Stop overthinking, or the gods help me…"

He doesn't even have to ask. Astarion rolls his eyes, as if it were obvious.

"You get a little frown when you think hard about something. It's not usually something happy, for what I know."

Gale sighs, teasing his entrance with another finger.

"I get lost in my mind way too often. For that, I apologize."

Astarion gasps as he enters him, slender legs shaking on Gale's lap. 

What a sight…

"You're lucky you're kind of cute, Gale Dekarios. If you weren't, I might have stabbed you long, long ago."

Gale knows that he is joking. He also knows that it's not a coincidence that Astarion is saying that when he is feeling vulnerable, or that he is using his family name, and not the epithet Gale uses for himself. He has been since they met Tara, since Gale mentioned his mother.

"I am cute? You are gorgeous, my star."

Astarion's muscles tense around his fingers in response. He surely likes the praise, especially when it is sincere, when Gale is not just speaking about Astarion's good looks. For a second, Gale wonders about it, about those muscles tensing around him, tight and delicious, taking him eagerly. He blushes at the thought, and Astarion smiles, dashing and knowing. 

"A copper piece for your thoughts?"

Gale mumbles something incoherent, burying his burning face in Astarion's shoulder, making him giggle.

"Nothing? That's a first… having rendered Gale Dekarios speechless…"

He doesn't get to tease him for long, because Gale actually gets to work, trying to focus on the task at hand. Which is both preparing and pleasuring Astarion until he feels ready to take him and… experience whatever doom is awaiting them when Gale fills him with his rotten seed and-

Astarion kisses his temple, and it does make Gale think, about how comfortable he seems to be with his new role, in which his lips are not a tool to prey on others, to lie and lie and keep lying until someone finally falls for his tricks. This, this soft caress, honest and without worry, suits him perfectly. Maybe, Gale himself suits him perfectly.

Maybe.

"I said no overthinking."

Gale smiles at him, brown eyes like melted chocolate, his motions slow but purposeful. Astarion trembles on his lap, his cock twitching in interest, and Gale tries his hardest not to just take him in his hand, no matter how much Astarion's eyes, drowning him in crimson intensity, are almost ordering him to.

"I would like for you to enjoy this longer, my star."

The petname seems to work, because Astarion begrudgingly, sighs, almost as if trying to relax. He frowns when Gale curls his fingers, carefully massaging his insides, fingers that were made for reading and handling powerful spells finding a sensitive spot, and Astarion does indeed make a sound. It's not dignified, or elegant, but it's natural, raw.

He guides him through the whole process. How he likes it, the intensity, the pressure, the pace. He murmurs it all, sweet instructions against Gale's lips, who follows them in between soft kisses, shuddering each time Astarion seems to especially enjoy something.

"You are a quick learner, wizard. Such a beautiful brain you have…"

Astarion is riling him up. He doesn't have to be smart to know. He is successfully doing it, and Gale hates himself for falling for it, weak and pathetic, panting against his smile, feeling his thighs tensing around him.

"Inside, Gale," he says in a low tone, demanding, almost a growl. "I want you inside."

Gale Dekarios is, well, currently untouched. He still trembles when Astarion speaks, a desperate sound leaving his lips. He feels pathetic, but Astarion's expression is unchanging. Honest, wanting.

"Shit," Gale enunciates eloquently when Astarion moves, making Gale miss him dearly when his fingers are no longer inside of him. Astarion takes the bottle of lubricant, manually, slowly coating Gale's cock with it, keeping eye contact. Which would be hell for Gale if not for the fact that he is currently mesmerized.

His orb pulses, the sound of electricity filling the air. Maybe this is the way he goes. Unable to keep himself under control, way too excited and reckless to think about the obvious. To have enough strength to care about the danger.

"You are not going to get hurt," Astarion assures him. "You are not going to hurt me either. Or anyone in camp."

"But-"

"You might be a self centered asshole sometimes, but you care about us. About yourself. About… about me."

Astarion may be unable to blush, but the way his tongue seems to twist and make him ponder about his words is maybe the closest thing he has.

"Deep down, you never wanted to off yourself. You just thought it was the only thing you could do. The right thing to do. Bullshit…"

Gale smiles at him, his hands on both sides of Astarion's face.

"Is that an insight… from self centered asshole to self centered asshole?"

Astarion chuckles at that, enamored.

"Oh he has some edge… I love that."

It's Astarion who guides Gale's cock towards his entrance, his experience still unmatched… which leaves Gale with a sour feeling. He shouldn't have had to deal with something like that. He deserved better. That's why he is trying to make everything beautiful, perfect for him.

"I can… I can do it all myself, if that helps you…"

Astarion gently rolls his eyes.

"Darling, I am indeed deeply grateful. But I want to do this. I want you to feel good, and I want to feel good with you. I do appreciate the pampering but… I'm fine, I swear."

Gale’s smile is nervous. Knowing what’s to come, knowing what to expect. His throat bobs slightly, gulping a little bit too loudly.

“If I understand correctly… that means that you want to pamper me, I am assuming?”

Astarion’s smile is devilishly sexy after he answers with a single word, but it’s not rehearsed, not so pretty it has to be unreal. It’s pretty, his fangs showing slightly, but it’s not too wide, not too flashy. There is a hint of nervousness in trembling lips, and Gale can only kiss them softly, feeling their cool touch that is starting to warm up to him.

His insides are not cold, but not warm either. Something is at work there, maybe that Astarion has fed recently, so his body is especially vigorous. He takes him slowly, almost like torture, and Gale has his hands on his hips, making sure that he doesn’t rush it. Astarion seems proud of himself when Gale lets out a breath that he didn’t know that he was holding, a little fanged smile that Gale makes sure to kiss yet again.

“Are you sure…” he tries to ask, nervous about his obvious problem, but Astarion is having none of it.

“Yes.”

“But-”

“Darling, you might be an incredible wizard. A wonderful man. But I’m pretty sure your cock lacks the skill to kill me, no matter how good of a cock it is.”

Gale’s face is flushed, both mortified and incredibly pleased. Trying not to let the compliment go too deep inside of his psyche. He can feel himself getting harder at it, and Astarion’s smile is amused, sinking himself more into him, making a sweet sound when the friction seems to be a little bit too good.

“Fuck… finally.”

Gale cannot say much in return, too overwhelmed by the sensation, not just the physical one. Astarion makes him lie down, the beautiful night sky above them. Pale skin reflects the light slightly, making Gale gasp in awe. The stars may be beautiful, but Astarion is the most gorgeous of them all.

“My star…” Gale manages to say, his voice strangled, before the vampire moves, hungry for him in a way that Gale hasn’t felt in decades. Before Mystra, before his own foolishness, before all this mess. Red eyes shine in recognition, in fondness, rocking his hips slowly.

He’s beautiful. That’s what he thinks as Astarion moves, his movements elegant. He thinks about him moving in the shadows, slicing an enemy without effort, his eyes hungry in a completely different way. He looks up at him, because he knows, he knows he might be doing this for him, and not for both of them, but his expression is not vacant. Astarion is there with him, moaning softly when Gale’s warm hands caress his thighs, tenderly, digging his fingers into his skin with both sweetness and lust.

“May I… may I touch you?”

Gale has to ask, wants to ask. Astarion confided in him, about his worries, his past, his relationship with sex. He won’t do anything Astarion is uncomfortable with, but it’s still refreshing to hear him chuckle, the gesture making his whole body tremble.

“Of course, my dear,” he murmurs, just a second after moving again, Gale’s hold on him tighter, moaning softly, a hand slowly moving towards Astarion’s erection. He takes him with no hesitation, sensing him tense, the eye contact making Gale’s insides burn. Astarion looks intense as he moves, as Gale pumps him, tight around each other, an exhalation escaping an undead mouth with effort. It is rewarding when he finally moans, and Gale just frowns, nodding slightly.

It’s funny, almost, how words elude him in that moment. He feels himself babbling at times, about Astarion, about how pretty he is, about how nice and sweet he is to him. It makes Astarion’s expression change, and Gale doesn’t feel any kind of disgust coming from him, if the tension around his cock is to be trusted. He has never been good at reading expressions, even less in this state of near climax.

That’s why it takes him by surprise, the way Astarion keeps moving, but gets closer to him, looking for his lips briefly before the kisses go down his chin, his throat. Gale is pretty sure the vampire is not going to bite him, given how revolting his blood is, but his lips are dangerously close to the Netherese orb.

Gale wants to warn him, to tell him he doesn’t know how volatile the orb might be, but he isn’t sure if Astarion would have listened nevertheless. His voice breaks when Astarion kisses it, tenderly, his face buried on Gale’s chest as he keeps rocking his lips.

If there was something to say, Gale isn’t sure he can find the words, his face so red he fears he might faint. He just moans, feeling the orb thrumming, Astarion’s own whimper making his sight blurry. His movements are erratic. He must be close, too.

“You wanted to keep this from me, wizard? You feel like electricity… Powerful and vigorous and…”

Gale wants to say something, anything.

“Astarion…”

“I love everything you have to offer. I love… I love everything…”

That’s a little bit too much for Gale’s heart to handle. He feels himself coming messily, with the strength of a sledgehammer, the orb dangerously close to losing its stability. He is, too, so he wouldn’t really blame it. The stars seem to flicker above them, and Gale doesn’t know how his concentration hasn’t broken or faded, after all. Astarion keeps moving, almost desperately, reaching his own orgasm shortly after, Gale’s hand erratic on him, but apparently still enough to make him figuratively or not, see the stars. He feels a smile against his chest, a small kiss on it afterwards, and Gale realizes, embarrassed, that there are tears on his face. He still kisses Astarion’s temple, both in relief and in gratitude.

“I stand… I stand corrected,” Astarion mutters, still kissing his skin. “That cock almost killed me, albeit not in the way you feared.”

Gale lets out a small chuckle, trying not to sniff too loudly. Still, he knows that there is something in the air. The orb seems to react to Astarion’s touch, even if weakly, as if drawing itself to him.

“Do you… do you feel the weave, like back when we practiced?”

Astarion nods, looking up at him, magic oozing from him, a faint purple glint in his eyes.

“If I compliment you too much, it’ll go over your head, so I’ll just say this. You may taste like hell, but this…”

Gale knows the feeling well. Completion, understanding. Fulfillness. He caresses Astarion’s face, feeling the magic under his fingertips.

“You are lovely. I know I might have said that already, but if you are not averse to-”

Astarion’s lips are on his own, trapping him between the vampire’s body and the ground. Drinking from him without draining him, just… sharing an experience. Connected in a way that makes sense to both of them.

“It feels good, to be like this with you.”

The netherese orb is like a curse, a punishment for his own hubris, but Astarion’s fingers circling it, his small kisses, almost make it all bearable. They both wear their marks, the weight of their past. Gale’s fingers ghost over Astarion’s scars as they kiss, not daring to touch them too much, not until it’s Astarion who guides him towards them, as if trying to repay his trust.

If Astarion realises that Gale is crying again, he says nothing about it. They just lie side by side, looking at stars that aren’t real, but that are proof of everything Gale wants to convey. Closer than they should be, even if the moment is technically over. Gale would love to cuddle a little more, but he doesn’t really want to push it and make him uncomfortable.

“Thank you,” he says instead, his warm eyes looking at him, at the beautiful start shining among hundreds of his kind. “For everything.”

Astarion doesn’t meet his gaze, still looking at the sky. At everything that Gale has created for him.

“You have been kind to me. That’s more than most people can say,” he offers as an explanation, but says nothing else.

Gale still notices how he gets closer to him, his head casually resting on Gale’s shoulder as he admires the sky. Gale, though? Bless the weave and its wonders, but in that moment, Gale can only keep looking at Astarion.

[miladydewintcr]

i am at ur feet for nathaniel how/cousland. that shit is so dramatic !! how about ❛ there is nothing for us to talk about. ❜ from the rivals to lovers list 👀

I'm going to be so real, idk what happened here. Sometimes I feel like I just throw these two at each-other and then they figure stuff out on their own tbh.

For @dadrunkwriting !!

Rating: M (tentatively) Ship: Nathaniel Howe/Evangelina Cousland Word-count: 894

She left him with Delilah in the City. Let her try to get into his thick skull that their father was an evil, murdering, tosspot of a man. Maker knew Evangelina had given up long ago.

He came skulking up to her in the courtyard hours later, just as the sun was beginning to set. Evangelina ignored him deliberately, drawing out her conversation with Wade for as long as possible before resigning herself to her fate, making her way over to stand before him.

“What do you want?” she asked.

He winced. “To apologise.”

Evangelina folded her arms across her chest, lifted her chin haughtily. “You shall have to be more specific.”

“I didn’t believe you when you told me that my father’s attack on your family was unprovoked,” Nathaniel said. “Delilah confirmed everything you told me, and added in a few more atrocities besides. I am sorry, Evangelina.”

He did sound genuinely repentant, which made something in her chest ache. She would have to have a word with Seneschal Varel, something in the food must not be agreeing with her. Probably all the damn bread.

“This is the part where you’re supposed to say something,” Nathaniel prompted her.

Evangelina chewed her lip, considered. “No,” she decided, turning on the ball of her foot, fully intending to leave him there.

But of course he followed, falling into step beside her easily. “Evie, please, if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you.”

“There is nothing. Unless you picked up some trick in the Free Marches that allows you to revive the dead?”

“I meant more for calling you a liar several times, in front of everybody.” He reached for her hand, but she ripped it away before he could make contact. “You must know that if I could revive the dead, I would do it.”

“Do I?” she raised an eyebrow.

Nathaniel shrugged, but said nothing.

“I suppose I can’t blame you for your father’s actions,” she conceded, magnanimously. “It’s nobody’s fault that you were too stupid to see the kind of monster he was.”

“I wasn’t here!” His voice rose slightly, and Evangelina bit back a smile. This, she could work with. He was so depressing to be around when he was sad, all pathetic, like a little dog locked outside in the rain.

Of course, he knew exactly what she was aiming for. “I wasn’t here,” he repeated, making a conscious effort to be more quiet. The courtyard was still rather busy, and his outburst had drawn several pairs of eyes. She was sure he’d prefer their little conversation remained private.

She, on the other hand… “There is one thing you could do.”

He eyed her suspiciously. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“I just thought of something.” She clasped her hands behind her back, the very picture of innocence. “You said ‘if there was anything’,” she reminded him gleefully.

Nathaniel rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine. What is it?”

Evangelina smiled her sweetest smile, which only served to make him more wary. She took a step towards him, rocked up onto her tiptoes, and whispered oh-so-softly, “I want you to beg for my forgiveness.”

Nathaniel managed to turn the embarrassing squeak he emitted into something resembling more of a cough. “Here?”

“Mhmm.” She nodded, pulling her lower lip between her teeth in a vain attempt to keep from grinning at him victoriously.

He glanced around them. “What exactly are you envisioning here?”

Oh, she hadn’t expected him to entertain her this far. She’d expected him to leave. Maybe yell at her a bit first. She pondered for a moment. “Well, I think you should have to be on your knees,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Naturally,” he dead-panned.

“Really grovel for it, you know? Maybe even cry. I don’t know, I’ve never begged before.”

“I suppose you’ve always gotten just what you wanted.”

She nodded. “More-or-less.”

He sighed, looked around them once more. He’s going to make a run for it, Evangelina thought. But instead he took one of her hands in his, using it for balance as he knelt down, in the dirt, for her.

She wanted to laugh. She nearly did. But then he looked up at her, made eye contact, and her amusement died as swiftly as it had arrived.

She swallowed.

“My lady,” he said, low, quiet. “Nothing I could say would ever be enough to outweigh the hurt that I have caused since our paths crossed again. I would die a thousand deaths if I knew it would ease your pain but a little.”

Evangelina couldn’t move. Her heart was pounding in her ears, and her eyes were watering, for some reason, and he was lifting her hand to press a kiss against her knuckles. She prayed he wouldn’t notice that she was trembling.

“How was that?” he asked, and the spell was broken. He smirked up at her, and she ripped her hand from his, slapping him across the face with it.

“I feel rather ill,” Evangelina announced.

The smirk fell from his face, replaced by concern. “Are you alright?”

“Don’t follow me!” She said in a rush, already backing away towards the stairs up to the fortress proper.

“So was the apology good, or…?” But she was gone.

Nathaniel sighed and sat down in the dirt fully. He supposed it probably could’ve gone worse.