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stellar-constellations · 1 year ago

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An Alliance (Part 6)

Fem! Spy! (Y/N) x Yuri Briar

Parts: One, two, three, four, five, current part, seven, eight, nine, ten (to be continued when Spy x Family has more Yuri content!)

(Y/N) is given her own backstory that is important for the story!

The setting for this story is based off West and East Germany's (because Spy x Family is heavily based off Germany in the 1940-1950) laws (or at least replicated to the best of my abilities since it's unknown what time period Spy x Family is exactly in, we'll go with 1950 for the sake of this story).

Historically-accurate women misogyny and mistreatment! Only small comments and historically-accurate laws (replicated to the best of my ability).

The story, plot, and settings might not match up to the Spy x Family manga as it's not completed and the manga is still being crafted.

This series contains spoilers for the manga and anime!

My dad read the Westalis newspaper where the headline was: “Ostania Threatens Westalis with Nuclear Warfare!” as me and my siblings played outside. He was outside on the porch watching us play in the sun. It was springtime, a nice and warm day where there were lots of clouds in the sky that helped with shade. My mom's nowhere to be seen, she's been gone for a while now. She left us when we were young so we didn't have a two income household, it made it hard to pay bills or cook dinners; but it taught me a lot about the real world, so I'm a glad I can see the bright side of it.

I had the rest of the day off from working at the bakery. The lady owning it told me to enjoy myself since things were really starting to look bright for us ever since Westalis and Ostania made that peace pact with us. I agreed, taking my paycheck and running home to go play outside with my siblings.

My two younger brothers both chased my older sister around, playing tag and enjoying their youth. My older brother sat in the background (he wasn't much for socializing with us).

My older sister had a pure heart and loved to spoil me as I was her only little sister. My two younger brothers were both troublemakers that very often got away with stuff (somehow nobody ever looked their way when things went south). My older brother never liked to hang out with us much, but I know he cares about us (he's just in his "I'm independent and don't need no family" phase).

I don’t know why, but I decided to look up at the sky that day. Maybe because I wanted to see how long it'd be until sunset, but I found myself looking at something else. The clouds parted a path for a weird yellow thing in the sky. I gawked at it in amazement, before smiling and running to my dad in uneven zig-zags as any child does when they've not properly mastered balancing.

“Dad! Dad!” I called out. “Is that a shooting star?” I questioned, pointing up to the sky.

He looked up at the sky, trying to see what I was talking about before his eyes widened.

“Oh no.” He muttered, utter fear in his eyes and voice. “Everyone, get inside now!” he shouted.

I looked at him confused, looking up at the sky in curiosity.

“Why?” I questioned.

“That’s a nuke!” he exclaimed, grabbing my arm as everyone ran inside due to his panicked voice.

I quickly squirmed out of his grasp, scared of his sudden change of attitude. I didn't understand what war was; if anything, I thought it was good! Why else would neighboring kids be running around and playing games such as "cops and robbers" or "army"? Why would kids be playing a game that glamorizes the death and suffering of others?

“N-no! I have to make a wish, otherwise it won’t come true! That’s what sissy said.” I spoke, making a dumb excuse.

“We don’t have time, come here!” he spoke, lunging for my arm.

I quickly retracted, turning and running away with the excuse of “at least let me get my chalk!”

I was scared and confused of his sudden change of attitude. It won’t hurt me, I’ve never heard of shooting stars crashing into Earth. I was set it was a star, not a nuke (not that I was even aware of what nukes were at the time). Besides, the star will be tiny! When it falls, I can pick it up and keep it in my pocket as a pet. That's how naive I was as a child.

“(Y/N)!” my father screamed, frustrated.

I turned around, seeing how the star went from over my to hitting something I couldn’t see from far behind the house. I looked at it, shocked at the sky flashed red for a second, before it returned normal. A blackish gray mushroom cloud appeared behind the house, growing big by the second.

“Woah.” I spoke, shocked.

It took a second, staring amazed at it, before I was hit with powerful winds as the sound of glass broke and the sound of trees getting ripped from their weakened roots. I barley heard the screaming of people before I was taken in the powerful wave of wind as my ears started to hurt. My body slammed against a tree, knocking the wind out of me as I hit my head.

The wind stopped and I fell to the ground, not defying gravity anymore as I cried, covering my ears. I could barely even hear my own cries, just the sound of a church bell that hurt the headache I was immediately forming. I smelt something awful as I realized my vision was completely gone.

I held my ears, desperate to hear the ringing stop, and cried, curling myself into a ball from the pain. I don’t know how long I sat there before I tried standing up, swaying side to side as I took a blind step forward, only to trip on something thick and fall onto my knees. I crawled around, desperate to find a sense of familarity, before feeling a sharp pain stab into my hands. I wept louder, not knowing what hurt me as my vision didn't approve.

I stayed on the ground longer, waiting for something, anything, to happen. Eventually, I regained my vision from this light, but darkness. It was black and white, I really can't explain it in words. It's just not something you can explain.

I looked down at my hands and noticed blood that came from my ears. I ran to go tell my dad, but saw my house crushed, barely standing. I looked around in the rubble, trying to see if my dad or any of my siblings were alright.

I saw a hand from the rubble and notice it was my dad’s from the size and skin tone. I tried to move the bricks and debris but couldn’t. I tried to tug his hand but to no avail. I gave up, sitting down on the ground next to the hand and resulted to screaming and crying, hoping somebody would hear and save my family and I.

I don’t know how long I was there, crying as my ears rang miserably and how my body ached, but I eventually heard shouts and the sounds of heavy tires and machinery, and looked up. People in green and huge, huge tanks came around.

I realized it was the military and cried, standing up and running to them.

“Oh, shit. A kid’s alive!” someone shouted.

They had a terrifying gas mask on their face as they looked at me.

“My dad! My family! They’re trapped under the house!” I cried, pointing. "You gotta help them. I can't do it on my own!"

The man looked over and sighed, kneeling down.

“I’m sorry, kid, but we can’t save them. You can't be there, the Ostanian army is here.” He spoke as another man came up with a gas mask in his hand and on his face. “Here, wear this. It’ll help you breathe.” He spoke, taking the mask.

“It’s a miracle we got here when we did. Ten minutes more out here in this radiation and you could’ve died, that, or the Ostanians...” The other man spoke, muttering that last part to himself.

Even though I was seven at the time, I knew what death was; however, I didn’t know how gruesome it was. I didn’t know how cruel people could be. When I thought of death, I thought of old people with gray hair dying peaceful in bed, not young people robbed of their lives and lying in their childhood home's bricks and their own blood surrounding them.

“W-what’s gonna happen now?” I questioned.

“The military has a shelter going on right now. We’ll bring you there. After that, the state government is gonna take care of you. Probably put you in an orphanage.” The first man spoke.

And yet, even though I was seven, I had no idea how kids could live without a parental figure. I had no idea how someone could live in a house full of strangers. I had no idea how to accept their death, or my own that would probably be nearby.

The tank’s hatch opened up, revealing another guy in a gas mask.

“Then after we’re going to go kill those Ostanian fuckers for this!” he bellowed loudly, obviously angry.

"Rancher, could you shut the hell up?! A kid is present!” the second man yelled back at the third one.

A white van pulled up, their windows tinted, iron prison bars covering them as the door opened.

“Hurry up and get into the van. Keep your gas mask on too while you’re in there for extra safety.” The first man spoke, pushing me into the van.

I entered with my head racing and my heart pounding. There wasn’t many survivors they’ve found. Five people out of the sixty seated bus must’ve been here. Some napped while others cried, and some stared outside of the window with disappoint and rage to see their homes and families gone.

I sat down alone, deciding to be another one of those people who bottle up their emotions and stare out the window as their head bangs against it from the bus’ movements.

I’m going to destroy Ostania for everything they’ve done to us. I thought to myself. They'll atone for what they've done. . . It wasn’t long after that nuke dropping that I found myself in a large shelter where alive civilians and the military were huddled down. I saw those guys once and thanked them for saving me, to which they said it was their jobs.

I was still mad at losing everything I had in just thirty seconds, so I decided to try and find a way into the military to help Ostanias downfall. Despite my many attempts to get into the military, they declined me each time for being under 18 and for being a girl.

I slammed my head on the metal table, ignoring the sting on my forehead as a military officer came up to me.

“Hey, Net.” I sighed, lifting my head.

“You keep doing that every time you don’t get in you’re gonna kill yourself before even getting your application accepted.” He spoke, taking a bite from his food.

“It’s no use. I’m a girl” I groaned.

“You’re still trying to get in?” he questioned.

“Not try, I am gonna get in.” I stated defensively.

“Here.” Net spoke, sliding me a piece of paper.

“What is it?” I questioned, picking up the paper.

I recognized the form instantly from stealing it so many damn times.

“Woah. Dude, why are you giving me this? You could be in serious trouble!” I whispered.

“Instead of remaining calm and peaceful like how you'd normally fill the form out, just fucking obliterate the thing.” Nat spoke.

“Oh.” I muttered. “Thanks?”

“No problem. Hurry up and get to Gerald. But if anyone asks, then you stole it…again.” Nat ordered.

“Yes, sir!” I chuckled, standing up from my chair and stealing a pen from Nat’s pocket.

I ran to the military counselor’s tent, sitting down and quickly filling out the form with the most unprofessional and colorful vocabulary I never even dared to utter alone to myself. I reread it proudly, determined to get that position in the Westalis military. I opened the tent and sat down, seeing the military counselor was there with one of the squad captains.

"Excuse me, sir and sir." I acknowledged, bowing to show my respect.

I handed the paper to the counselor as he groaned, already knowing why I'm here and what this paper meant.

"Yet again, you show up in my office like the stubborn little brat you are. I told you, children, and especially girls, aren't welcome in the Westalis mil–" Gerald gasped loudly, his face going pale as he stared at the paper with white-shot eyes.

He quickly flipped the page, and the next page, rereading the papers over and over again.

"Y-you..." he spluttered. "The audacity of you!" he shouted, grabbing a nearby yard stick and slapping my wrist with it.

"Oi! You fucking wad of earwax!" I yelp, retracting my hand back as his face went even paler.

"In front of the recruiter too?! Brats like you have no chance into the Westalis military!" Gerald spoke.

"You bet! I'm done with your fucking shenanigans! You better count all your lucky pennies because if I don't get that position in the military, I'm gonna sneak my way into them tanks and rapid fire your tent to match my hometown!" I shouted, slamming my hands on his desk and taking his yard stick, slapping it against his wrists instead of mine.

I ripped the paper out of Gerald's hands, giving it to the recruiter instead.

"Take it. You read it instead, you're the boss; not this leprechaun." I spat.

The recruiter kept a straight face before taking the paper. He read it, unamused and blank faced as I impatiently tapped my foot.

"Twenty-six times I've entered this tent within two months, and no results. I'm not going to stop until I join your squad." I stated, standing my ground as I stood straight and tall, hoping to seem determined enough to make up for all my weak strength and sour attitude. "I know that I don't look like much, nor do I act it. I'm seven and a quarter. I'm not very strong or tall, and I've barely lived long enough to even be a pre-teen, but I'm smart enough to understand the government and give advice of a seventy-year old, and I swear to whatever God there is that there's no fucker in Ostania that going to want to cross me after they see what I'll do with their soldiers." I spoke. "So if you could give me a chance and prove myself to you, that'd be really fucking fantastic." I spoke, allowing the colorful word to brighten my sentence.

"You're seven?" the recruiter spoke.

"And a quarter." I spoke. "I can be useful! I'm fast and stealthy and my size helps me hide good. Ostania would never expect a girl to fight in the military, let alone a kid." I smiled.

"You realize you'll most certainly die within two days, maximum?" the recruiter questioned.

"Sometimes you just gotta jump to know what's there." I replied, determination filling every ounce of my soul and body.

The recruiter stared at me for a second, before looking at Gerald.

"Do you have this kid's other application forms?" he questioned.

"You're not seriously going to allow this brat? Out of everyone?!" Gerald questioned.

"Shut the hell up, Gerald." I snapped, slapping his wrist with the ruler. "Ain't nobody gonna join; everyone's too afraid to die or they're suffering from some major PTSD. You aren't gonna find a gal as determined as me to get this job."

"Give me her recent form." The recruiter demanded.

Gerald mumbled alienated words under his breath as he searched through his desk, pulling out a paper packet I gave him last week. The recruiter scanned through the papers for a good three minutes, before setting the papers down.

"You're recruited. Welcome, (Y/N) (L/N), to the Westalis Military." The recruiter spoke, a small smile on his face as he held out his hand.

I shook it proudly, cackling as Gerald tried his best not to break down to tears in the background.

A month went by with me in the military. It felt longer than it was, and it was absolutely exhausting. Just because I was a kid doesn't mean that the recruiter took any mercy on me.

("You've got the body of a crazy kid, and the mind of an even crazier adult.") The recruiter once told me. ("If you give up now, I'll kill you myself for making me look like a fool to have you join us.")

I experienced many bombings, tank firings, gunshots, and many comrades die. Nat and Hujo (that second man that helped me when Nat found me in Luwen, Eastern Westalis) both died in combat, their bulletproof vests being false advertising. I saw ####, a boy from my hometown, here.

I feel like I should’ve been happy to see someone I know alive, but me and #### never really got along well, even before the war. While he was seven years older and a quiet kid, he was a total pushover and aimed to please people. I was the rowdy and opinionated kid, ready to kick someone in the stomach and shout insults if they decided to pick on me.

We both lived in the small poor town of Luwen, the more poorer side of Westalis, but we made it work. And despite our many differences, we both had one common goal: to appease our parents. It amazed me how I never once saw him cry despite everything we've been through. He was older, taller, and stronger than me—something I was extremely envious of—and he became a squad commander after too many deaths, of my damn squad!

I hated him for being tough. I hated him for being an amazing liar. And I despised that he knew how to keep his emotions to himself, while I frequently lashed out and cried. I was predictable; and he was a closed-book, and it pissed me off beyond belief.

Rations were getting smaller and smaller, but it wasn’t too much of a problem for soldiers since they kept falling like dominoes, but it was a problem for the survivors we kept finding. The survivors came with missing fingers, broken limbs, and charred faces, it was almost like Ostania wanted the civilians of Westalis to suffer, and that just pissed us off further.

I sighed, resting my head on the cool metal table. My body ached from the training I’m out to before having to be dispatched out for another rescue mission.

“You should eat that shit. You’re getting glares.”

I sighed, lifting my head.

“Sup, Rancher?” I spoke.

Rancher was off-duty for a few days after Nat and Hujo died. Rancher was best friends with the two of them for years, so he really took it to heart when they died. He was the loud and rowdy guy in the tank when Nat and Hujo found me. He looks like total shit too. His tanned skin got paler and his brown eyes seemed dull and darker then before, the death of his two buddies really took a toll on him.

“You look like shit.” I admitted.

“Not like you look any better.” He chuckled.

“I’m still growing, so I have a chance at being tall and pretty; you’re too old to keep growing and you still look like a rat’s ass, just worse.” I laughed.

“The bigger the bark, the smaller the dog is.” He smiled, causing me to glare at him.

“Yeah? W-well…the stupider you are…the uglier!” I retorted, having no idea what I said as he laughed.

“Alright. Well, hurry up eating. I’m going to join the rescue mission before I get kicked out.” Rancher spoke.

“You sure, dude? I can come up with something for you. Like, something you ate went bad and you have food poisoning or some shit like that.” I suggested.

“Nah. I figured Hujo would be pissed off and Nat would be scolding me if I stayed in bed any longer.” Rancher smiled sadly.

“Take it easy, man. I’ll look out for you during the mission.” I spoke, patting his hand on the table before quickly shoveling my food down my throat, ignoring the plain and slightly repulsive taste it had.

I took a large sip of water to drown out the taste, then stood up.

“Rightie-oh!” I spoke, faking a British accent to cheer Rancher up. “Shall we go?”

“Yeah, sure.” He stood up—stretching and complaining about back problems—and walked out of the shelter’s roof to join the other soldiers.

The squad was—unfortunately—led by ####, who took the fake name “Roland” from Luwen to join the military. I was already in a sour mood thanks to #### and we haven’t even left! . . A total fail. That’s what the mission was. Rancher was down, clutching his arm as he looked down at the wound. He had a hole in his chest and another in his forearm. The gun must’ve not been sighted since they missed all vital organs.

What an amateur… I thought, stuffing the wound in his chest with gauze.

“The bullet is stuck deep in there. It’s not something I can remove, but the nurses at camp will get it. Show me your arm.” I demanded.

I grabbed his arm, slapping his other hand that tried to stop me.

“Kid, you gotta get out of here. They’ll find you soon.” Rancher spoke, taking heavy breaths.

“Shut the hell up, Rancher. You and your big ass mouth. I know they’ll come here!” I snapped.

“Then fucking abort the mission. You shouldn’t even be in this whole mess.” Rancher sighed.

“Don’t try and give me final words like you’re dying; you’re going to live and I’ll make sure of it.” I spoke, determined as I stuff gauze into his arm, causing him to hiss at the pain.

“You need to live and do whatever you can to complete that goal you decided to join the military for.” Rancher argued.

I heard a branch snapped and quickly grabbed my gun, listening and shooting into the trees, as someone screamed and fell onto the ground not to far from here.

“Shit. I’m low on ammo.” I sighed.

“Just get out of here.” Rancher ordered.

“No.” I defied. “If I die, then I die. But I won’t. That mission can be postponed 'cause we’re both going to live. Now stop bitching.” I spoke, wrapping his arm with bandages to hold the gauze.

“You’re stubborn.” He growled.

“You’re stupid.” I retorted. “Can you stand?” I questioned.

“If I stand, I’ll pass out.” He spoke.

I nodded, grabbing his walkie-talkie from his belt and switching it to the channel our military agreed on using.

“I need medical assistance. Soldier was shot twice and I’m low on ammo. His wounds have been caused and wrapped but he needs professional assistance. Over.” I spoke, repeating the line over and over until I heard a voice.

“Affirmative. What’s the coordinates? Over.” The voice questioned.

“Uh. Shit, probably...” I pulled out the map I had, fumbling with it. “Like... like 50°46'46.8" North 10°00'09.1" East? Over.” I spoke into the walkie-talkie.

(Author note: These are random coordinates I found in Germany and are no means accurate.)

“Negative. We can’t send anyone there, over.” He spoke.

“Well why the fuck not? Over!” I questioned.

“Enemy territory. Abort the premises with or without the soldier. Over.” They spoke.

“We’re in enemy territory because you fucking sent us in this mess, fucker! Over!” I hissed.

The line went silent before speaking: “Abort the mission with or without the solider. Over.”

“This is (Y/N) (L/N)! I can’t carry him! Rancher is down, over!” I informed.

“Oh, shit. You’re the kid? The seven-year-old kid?” the radio spoke, surprised that he didn’t even say “over”.

“Yes! And I can’t get Rancher to a safe place with my size and strength. I need either back up or medical assistance! Over.” I hissed.

“…Leave Rancher and get the hell out of there. War isn’t something a kid like yourself should be in. Over.” The man spoke.

“I'm sick of everything telling me what I should be doing! I chose this path. And I’m choosing to save Rancher, and I swear to god if you don’t help us I’ll haunt you when I’m dead because mine and Rancher’s blood will be on your hands. Over.” I spat.

The line went silent for a bit, before it picked up: “We’ll see what we can do. Over.”

I sighed, grabbing my gun and unloading the magazine chamber to check how much ammo I have.

Five bullets. As long as I don’t run into any trouble, I can make it. I thought to myself.

I grabbed Rancher’s gun to see how much ammo he has, not too surprised when I saw he had blew through it all. He's always been unsparing in our resources, whether it was food or ammo.

“You can leave. They said they’ll probably do something, so I’ll be fine.” Rancher sighed, his face pale as sweat ran down it, whether from the heavy uniform we’re wearing in this heat or the blood loss.

“Probably." I shrugged. "However, I told you I ain’t leaving. I told you I got your back, man.”

There’s no way I can turn back and leave, that’s how Nat and Hujo died.

“And do you have an off switch? Can you just shut up before the enemy finds us?” I sighed.

“Can you not be so stubborn?” Rancher retorted. “And I’m not the one that was yelling in the walkie-talkie two minutes ago.”

“And?” I dared, causing Rancher to roll his eyes.

I heard a branch snap and immediately raised up my gun.

“Wait! It’s Roland! I’m on your side.”

#### stepped out of the bushes, causing me to groan and roll my eyes.

#### looked like shit. He had a small stubble and had large eyeballs, obviously his sanity has deployed ever since the war officially set off, but so has mine, I supposed.

“You’re so damn lucky I didn’t shoot you.” I sighed, placing my gun down on the dirt.

“Yeah…” #### sighed, relieved that I actually didn’t. “Is Rancher okay?”

“He got shot twice; in his chest and arm. The bullets are too deep to get by hand, we need medical assistance. I’m afraid if we don’t get help, either he’d die from blood loss.” I sighed.

“Smart thinking. Good job.” #### spoke.

I ignored the praise and the fluffy feeling in my chest, glad to have been seen as useful and smart, but I don’t want to here praise from that prick.

“Yeah. I know from the med class I had to take to join...” I muttered.

Not like you didn’t take that class too. I thought, sarcastic.

Gun fire broke out nearby as you can hear stomping from not to far off.

“Crap…” #### muttered.

“Pick him up and let’s go!” I whispered harshly.

“I’m not going to be able to carry him with the heavy uniform and run and shoot.” #### stated.

“Of course you can, you have to save him. That’s why you’re here!” I whispered, ignoring the tears that started to build up in my eyes from the hopeless feeling in my chest.

“We have to go.” #### spoke, calm and collected despite the gunfire and steps getting louder.

“No.” I hissed.

“(Y/N)!” Rancher hissed. “Fucking go. I would never forgive myself if I’m the cause of your death; not when you have so much left to do.”

“B-but… I can’t abandon you…” I whimpered.

“I want you to listen to me. Leave and go do whatever you want with your life. Please. Do something I’ve never done and continue your legacy.” He chuckled.

“No….” I muttered, unsure of my words.

“We have to go!” #### whispered harsh.

“No!” I hissed back.

#### stared at me for a good second, our eyes rivaling each other before he swiftly scooping me up, balancing me on his shoulder, and running.

“Hey! Let go!” I squirmed. “We have to go back and get Rancher.” By now, the panic and hopelessly fully took over, causing the dam in my eyes to break. “Please. We have to go back…” I whispered, my bottom lip trembling as more tears fell.

“Sorry. I’m sorry.” #### spoke, his voice shaking.

I could tell it was hard for him to leave Rancher too. Despite not knowing Rancher well, he was ####’s teammate, an ally, an amazing tanker with an amazing sense of humor, and a human. But for me, most importantly, he was my friend, and he reminded me of myself; stubborn and ready to fight no matter what. It’s hard to trade one’s life, even if they asked for it.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” He repeated. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything for Rancher, or our families. I can’t change the past to where I was stronger or where this war never happened, but I can at least change the present. And I want us to live.”

“I hate you.” I whimpered. “I hate how tough you are. How calm you are. And how you always know what to do and say. You stupid pushover and golden goose. I hate how you’re always Hercules.” I whined softly as more tears came down my face as I listened to the gunshots and yelling fading away as #### ran.

“I’m not as perfect as you think.” He chuckled poorly.

His tone surprised me, and I turned around to see his face. His blue eyes crying out their own sorrow as he focused his eyes ahead. I focused my attention back to the blurry ground as I allowed myself to cry some more.

Sometimes. Me and #### are different people; stubborn and smart, strong and weak. Other times, we’re the same person with the same goal; trying to appease our parents, or just trying to survive.

He stopped, placing me down and catching his breath as I sat on the ground, tears still in my eyes.

“You’re not injured, right?” he questioned.

“No.” I muttered. “Why’d you join the military?” I questioned.

The question came out of nowhere, yes. But I wanted to know why #### joined. What could his reason be?

“When Ostania crossed the border. In just 60 seconds, everything I cared about was taken away from me. All that was left, was thing I despised. And that’s more than enough for me to pick up a gun and destroy Ostania.” He admitted.

“We’re pretty similar…. Same reason I’m here.” I chuckled, wiping the tears out of my eyes.

“How’d you even get in?” he questioned. "You're too young. I had to fake my age and name."

“I had to do a lot of pestering and cussing.” I laughed.

A shuffle in the bushes was heard, causing me to stand up and #### to draw his gun as someone appeared out of the brushes. It was a man with curly brown hair and circular glasses and a piercing on his left ear.

“Bwah! Time-out! Time-out! Stop! Don’t shoot!”

Did that grown-ass man really just “time out?”

Surprisingly, #### held his fire, sizing up the man.

“You’re Ostanian Infantry, yeah?” #### spoke.

“Gah! Westalis soldiers—is that a kid...?” he muttered the last part confused as he held his hands in the air.

I glared at him and pulled my own gun out, causing him to begin freaking out again.

“Where is your gun?” #### asked.

“I don’t have one! I’m unarmed! I surrender!” he quickly spoke, then sighed. “I… look, I deserted. I just couldn’t take it anymore. But I got lost and have been wandering around in these mountains for two whole days… so please can you give me something to eat?!” he shouted, putting his hands together and begging.

“I don’t have rations to spare on dead men. Say goodbye.” #### spoke calmly.

“Wait! Please! I’m begging you! I don’t wanna die having never been with a woman!” he screamed loudly.

Men are so simple minded… I thought to myself, yet chuckled as #### did.

“All right. I can give you one cigarette.” #### spoke.

“Oh, thanks.” The man spoke, taking a cigarette has #### lit it.

“I didn’t know you smoked.” I spoke up.

“There‘a a lot of things I do that you don’t know.” #### commented.

“Oh, okay, creep. Like that wasn’t weird.” I commented myself.

“What’s with the kid?” the man asked.

“Are you the one holding the gun? No? Don’t question it.” I huffed, holding up my gun.

“Sorry, sorry!” he quickly wailed.

Soon enough, #### and the man started to click together, a weird combination in this war.

If I go back now, I wonder if Rancher would still be alive, if unspotted from the Ostanian military, that is. I thought to myself, sighing as I drew my focus back to the conversation.

“But you know, they actually do some interesting research at that university!” the man spoke. “Like, they got all these test subjects and showed ‘em a film of a guy getting slapped, right? And they showed signs of discomfort ‘cause their brains emphasized with the guy’s pain. And that means its human nature to avoid violence.”

“But the thing is they ran the experiment again, and this time they told the subjects that the guy gets slapped by his lover because he cheated on her. So what do you think happened? When they watched it, the subjects brains showed signs of pleasure!” he explained.

I think if I saw someone get slapped, I’d laugh without even knowing the reason. I thought to myself. Maybe if I convince #### to slap this guy, we can see. I thought impulsively.

“I mean, doesn’t it freak you out? They have no idea if they’re being told the truth, but once the idea’s in their head, they do a complete 180°. Weird, right?” the man spoke.

I feel like this is going somewhere. But I can understand what he’s saying. I thought to myself. I looked at my gun, feeling the weight in my hands and the heavy burden it was to carry it.

It’s be easier to drop it and walk away. I can barely hold this weight on my own. Someone else can; someone stronger and less sensitive.

I looked at ####, who seemed slightly frustrated.

“Just say what you’re trying to say!” he ordered.

“I’m just saying, isn’t it stupid? This whole war between East and West, it’s all the result of some diplomatic fiasco. So why is it that all of us worthless peona gotta be the ones to clean us their mess?” he sighed. “They tell us to hate each other. So we fight. And then we die. It’s the most pointless thing in the world.”

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was playing as a small cog in the machine—we all were. But the things with machines, is that they’re specially designed and assigned certain tasks. But once a cog is lost, the machine cannot perform its chores unless another cog takes the place of the previous one. It's easy to replace an old, broken cog with a new, naive one.

To put it in simple terms, the government, the war, needs us in order to win, and when we die, we’re easily replaced by another solider.

I’m surprised I’m not dead yet. I thought to myself. I have no major injuries and I still have a comrade with me—I doubt most of our soldiers have that.

All of the soldiers sent on this rescue mission are probably dead (with the exception of me and ####).

“Yeah, except it’s you Ostanians that started this war.” #### pointed out.

“In the East, they say it was the West that started it.” The man stated. “They say that first bombing of Luwen was a false flag operation. They’re even rumors Westalis got operatives from some other country to incite the Ostanian Army was doing it.”

I turned my head to ####, curious of his reaction.

I’m an open-minded person when it comes to politics or law as long as it doesn’t go against my moral code. I’d rather research to the ends of the Earth for the truth rather than believe in a simple lie. I’ll take this man’s words and place it on the back burner for when the time is right, to where I can find the truth, whether it’d be today or tomorrow or years from now.

Some Shakesphere I am, I thought to myself, watching has #### held his gun to the man.

“That’s just blatant propaganda to get your country off the hook!” #### shouted.

“Yeah! Yeah, right, of course it is! I’m just saying, how could a bunch of foot soldiers like us know the truth about anything?” the man immediately spoke, putting his hands in the air to prove no threat as I groaned.

#### isn’t really all that open-minded, though.

“That day! That bombing! Those bombs killed every last one of my friends! There’s your truth!” #### spoke.

“Our families died in that bombing. Whether Westalis or Ostania started it, it’s no way for anyone to die.” I spoke, closely eyeing ####’s finger as he held it on the trigger.

“Well, I’m in the exact same boat!” he spoke.

#### gritted his teeth and kicked the man down to the ground, his glasses getting knocked off his face. Just then, gunfire from the bushes danced in the wind, causing me to yelp and duck to the ground, helpless as a I felt a searing pain in my side and leg. A bullet hit ####’s helmet, but luckily it didn’t pierce it.

“Gah! The Ostanian army squad that’s been chasing me! You just had to try and shoot me and give our position away!” the man complained. “Well, no way in hell I’m letting them catch me! See ya! Thanks for the cigarettes, I guess.” He yelled, running away.

I crawled to #### using my body to protect his down body.

His ears are probably ringing since the metal helmet just got hit. I thought.

“If you can run, go away. I’ll be fine.” I spoke through the gunfire.

#### huffed, getting up on his knees and picking me and his gun up.

“I’m not gonna abandon you! Not when I have the power to save you!” #### yelled through the bullets.

I sighed.

He’s just as stubborn as me. But he should really let me die. It’s not like there’s anyone alive who’d miss me, and ####’s using me as a replacement for the friends he couldn’t save. So there’s no point for me to live, and all I’ve been is useless and problematic. I couldn’t save any of my friends, family, comrades, or even myself.

“Thanks for being such a suck-up.” I spoke, wincing at each step he took since it threw my body around like a rag doll, hurting my wounds.

“Let’s save the tears for when we get back alive.” He gruffed. . .

What am I doing? Getting emotional like this? I hate getting emotional. I thought, snapping out of my thoughts and rubbing the tears from my eyes. I guess that's another reason I quit being a spy. I thought.

I don't really like to use violence anymore. I'll fight and shoot if I have to, but I don't like turning to it unless it's necessary. I'm afraid if I pick up a gun again, then all of my anger and sadness would return and control my actions just like it did before.

...That's stupid. I can't believe I just lied to myself in my own head.

The real reason I don't want to fight is because it hurts more than anyone can imagine. When people see war movies or read the books, they always think "yeah, I can do that." But once the first bullet flies, they all follow. When the sky has turn gray from tank smoke and fires from the bombings. When the bullets fall from the sky like rain and you're ordered to engage in battle; you don't want to. Who would want to?

Nobody wants to actually die. When they're in the face of danger, they're looking for a way to fight or a way to flee. When you're actually experiencing something as stressful and traumatic as that, you realize that every plan you've been brainstorming inside that little head of yours had ran away with your bravery and rationality. The only thing you'll be thinking of is a way out, a way away from the men in guns, a place to hide or a weapon to protect yourself with. Humans are made with fear; it's how we survive.

Fear is a human's best friend and worst nemesis. Fear navigates you away from danger, and it also forces you to think unclear. Fear is one of the human's survival instincts, so when you find it hard to breathe or your chest starts racing; don't ignore it.

I sighed, turning my body to Yuri and observing his face.

He's seriously so annoying. He's always so focused on work and how I'll betray him. He's probably always thinking about his sister, I wouldn't be surprised if he was dreaming about her. I thought, reaching my hand up and letting my intrusive thoughts win as I poked his injured forehead lightly, just barley any touch.

"You. Are. Stupid." I spoke, believing the words I said with every poke. "But..." I paused, thinking of what to say to the unconscious Yuri. "I don't think I'd want to be anyone else's wife." I admitted. "Don't think it's a compliment though, jerk." I huffed, going back to poking his forehead until I got bored.

I sighed again, trying to close my eyes and sleep, but the silence and the dark really started to bother me. I could hear the steps of the neighbor's above us, or is there something crawling on the ceiling and watching me. I could hear the air conditioning, or is it a monster breathing? Or the neighbor's opening their doors, or is that our front door?

The bedroom door creaked open and I froze, my arms immediately latching onto Yuri as I kept quiet, my heart in my throat as I could hear it beat loudly.

Wait? What the hell am I doing?! I should be protecting Yuri since he's unconscious!

I gathered my nerves and opened my eyes, almost screaming once I saw a face staring down at me. They quickly covered my mouth, then spoke.

"Don't scream. It's me." They spoke.

I recognized the voice as Twilight's and immediately felt angry and relieved. I carefully got out of the bed, gripping Twilight's sleeve and dragging him out to the living room, delicately closing the door as to not disturb Yuri.

"I almost pissed myself, asshole!" I hissed, slapping his arm.

"Sorry..." he whispered, then cleared his throat. "I just wanted to know why you're quitting the spy industry." He spoke.

"Oh ho ho! Is the ever so great Twilight actually caring about me?" I teased, then cleared my own throat. "In actuality. I don't like risking my life all the time. It's not fun to get hurt and worry about if you'll ever see the people you love again." I sighed.

"What are you talking about? You don't have a lover—" His eyes widen, voice silently before he looked at me, mouth gaping open and shut like a fish. "Y-you actually love Yuri?! I thought you were kidding!" he questioned.

"Tsk! Of course not!" I exclaimed, slapping his hand. "I want to be able to live long enough to have a lover, and in this case, Yuri is my 'lover!'" I spoke with quotation marks on my fingers.

"How'd you meet him?" he questioned.

"Oh yeah. Some mole ratted me out like a little bitch to the SSS when he got caught, then they caught me after a long chase that lasted a few weeks, next thing you know, I'm being interviewed and signed a contract to work with the SSS in order to keep my life—" the words came out of my mouth before I could think of the consequences from them.

I started to open and close my mouth like a fish (and like what Twilight did earlier).

"So, you're leaving because they've got you hostage?" Twilight spoke.

"No! No!" I quickly shut down the idea. "Well. I mean, I don't want to work with the SSS, and I don't want to work with Westalian Intelligence either. I just want to live a normal life, but then this happened." I sighed.

"So there's nothing between you and Yuri?" he questioned.

"Nope." I spoke, popping the p.

"And you're sure?" Twilight questioned.

"Of course I'm sure, why do you care so much?" I questioned.

"Because he's the enemy!" Twilight hissed. "That, and he's the one killing off our spies. You don't care about that?" he spoke.

"Of course I care." I snapped, offended that he would think I wouldn't. "But I'm not going to mope about the past and get myself killed. Besides, it's not like the Westalian Intelligence cares about if I ditch or not." I sighed. "But they'll kill me if they know I'm in the SSS, so you better not spill it. I told them absolutely nothing about the people in charge or even you, Twilight. So you better keep your mouth shut because I don't care if we've known each other for years or if you're the greatest spy, you cross me and I'll find a way to make you regret it." I threatened, pointing my nail to his throat.

"Alright. I understand." Twilight spoke calmly. "But you're sure there's no feelings attached?"

"Yeah. I don't need to be worrying about that stuff. I'm only here so I can live, and trust me, he doesn't care about if I live or die either." I smiled.

"I don't know, you two were quite something today." Twilight spoke, causing my face to heat up.

"W-well, of course! I didn't just work on hacking into databases or gathering information inside forces, you know. So, you're not the only one who can lie and disguise themselves. Remember, I trained alongside you, so I know almost everything you know." I spoke, turning my head away to hide my face. "Besides, he's more of a jerk behind closed doors."

I sighed, remembering his douche personality.

("Just so you know, I'm not looking for this to be a real thing. When we're in public and at work, we'll act close��but don't expect anything kind of special treatment behind closed doors. Our 'marriage' is just a piece of paper that can easily be destroyed. The only thing that we have in common is work; nothing else." The second-lieutenant spat harshly as he walked closer to me, standing tall as he looked down at me in more ways than one.)

Yeah, he's a mega douche. I thought. I still wanna know his damn problem...

"Alright. Good." Twilight spoke.

"What about you and Yor. I don't know about you, but I almost facepalmed eight different times in five minutes. You need to get Yor to work on her acting skills." I pointed out.

"I know." He sighed. "But she's just so..." he paused, thinking. "She's a little...simple-minded, I guess."

"It runs in the Briar family." I laughed. "Now, you should leave before Yuri wakes up and freaks out. He doesn't really like you, if you haven't noticed."

"Yeah." He spoke, fixing his coat. "Thanks for your hard work at the Westalian Intelligence. I hope we'll meet again."

"Don't think because I'm leaving the force that you're never going to see me again. You've been a close friend of mine for years now, so I consider you my family. Besides, we're in-laws." I teased. "And even if we never see each other, I'll just haunt your ass from beyond the grave." I joked.

Twilight chuckled. "I wouldn't expect anything less. Goodbye, (Y/N)." He spoke.

"Bye, ####." I responded.

He stood there for a second, shocked to hear his birth name after so long of using Twilight, before smiling and parting.

I'm not too sure why they gave #### the codename "Twilight" but I know they gave me the codename "Vixen" because I usually went undercover, disguising myself in the night and manipulating others to get information out of them (I'm not too fond of it either, but I convinced myself that business is business).

When we got our codenames, we were told that our old names meant nothing and that our old lives don't matter anymore. I agreed to the terms, but there was no way I was gonna forget my past, not when it's made me the person I am today.

Twilight left, closing the front door as I locked it. I looked at the time, noticing it was 1 A.M.

Damn. Tonight's been a long one. I thought, sighing as I stretched and walked back to the bedroom.

Yuri was still dead asleep. I carefully observed his face to make sure he wasn't faking it in case he heard the conversation. I grabbed Flower and dangled it over his head, seeing for a reaction, but none. I poked his cheek, making sure his eyes didn't twitch before concluding he wasn't faking it.

Good. It must be the alcohol that made him pass out. I thought.

I crawled back into bed, placing Flower in my arms and lying on my side to face away from Yuri. I concluded I didn't like the position, and switched to facing Yuri. He was still in the same spot as earlier, still facing me. I grabbed his hand and held it, believing that his position was comfortable enough before sleeping.

Parts: One, two, three, four, five, current part, seven, eight, nine, ten (to be continued when Spy x Family has more Yuri content!)

Want more Yuri content? Check out these headcannons and one shots!

Yuri Briar x Sick! Fem! Reader

Slightly mean! Yuri Briar x Fem! Reader

Yuri Briar x Fem! Reader headcannons + other fandoms!

Have any requests? Check my masterlist to see the characters I write for: Masterlist (Please request, I have too much free time and too little fics).

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cassiebones · 4 months ago

Text

Rewatching Agatha All Along for reasons. Gonna mainly be commenting on Vidarkness interactions

Episode 1:

Rio's immediate reaction to "eat my ass chief" is to laugh. I feel like it's a very "some things just don't change" reaction. Or it was Aubrey Plaza's genuine response to that line. Either is hilarious. I need bloopers.

"what are you doing here?"

"my job"

Me: squints suspiciously

Also:

"if you wanna be in control, you can be"

COULD YOU BE ANY HORNIER?!?!

AND ON A DISNEY SHOW?!?!

Also the double meaning of "take control and break this hex" as well as "you can be on top" is just amazing. All awards to Aubrey Plaza for the delivery.

Also, they tried so hard to make Kathryn look as frumpy and dyke-y as possible, but you can FEEL all the wlw watching just THIRSTING for her still. It's not a surprise that Rio is fiending for it. Not at all.

AGATHA UNDERSTOOD THE DOUBLE ENTENDRE. THAT MEANS IN THE TV PLOT IN HER IMPRISONED MIND SHE KNOWS THAT RIO IS HER EX LOVER I AM GOING FERAL

"is this really how you see yourself?"

As a butch detective trying to solve a crime? Yes, she has Main Character Energy. This is definitely also not the first show she's piloted in this hex and I stand by that. Also Rio has definitely been there the whole time, for alllll the shows.

Rio casually trying to coax Agatha out of the hex, bringing up magic and trying to get feelers for her. She is desperate for Agatha to wake up, you can tell. Otherwise, she would have sent the Salem Seven her way waaaayyyy earlier. Tell me I'm wrong.

Agatha getting uncomfortable and making her leave. Rio going because she knows she pushed too far.

"Te veo" means "I see you." I know there's a debate about it, but it's the literal translation. I asked my dad (Mexican, native Spanish speaker) and he said that it's not widely used, but more literal in meaning. in this case, maybe it's something that Rio used to say to Agatha, comfortingly.

I see you. I see you when others don't. I see you and I accept and love you. I see everything you are and I love it all.

Sorry, back to the show.

Why does nobody ever talk about the lock of hair in the brooch locket?!? Whose is it? Is it Nicholas's? Is it Agatha's? Is it Rio's? I need an answer

I know Agatha's neighbors are sick of her already. This has been going on 3 years? The patience.

Also the police station is 10000% the "chief"'s house. Ditto on the library.

Nicky's room 😭😭😭 I feel like she has this room for every single pilot, as part of her character's tragic backstory, but also because he is still so much a part of her. I'm heartbroken for her.

Rio trying to get that romantic subplot going with pizza. Agatha falling for it despite hating her.

That's love.

The story she tells is not funny, but Rio's laugh is genuine. She loves her frumpy cop witch so much.

I always see people commenting on Agatha's manspreading and inability to sit normally bc she's gay

But what about Rio. She's sitting so provocatively. She is trying to seduce Agatha out of the hex, I swear.

"I have a lead in the case."

"that's not why I came over"

*immediate gay thoughts and blushing*

Me too, Agnes. Also me too, Rio.

The mention of the car accident and more goading from Rio, trying to get her to snap out of it, to see how weird this is.

There's something about Rio trying to get her back on track that makes me think she knows about Teen being Billy. Or she knows that if Agatha starts to remember her real life, a new show starts immediately. Hmm

"I can't shake this feeling I'm seeing it wrong"

*looks at the camera like I'm in The Office*

"Do you remember why you hate me?"

This is something Rio definitely asks every single time, hoping for a different answer. It has to be painful never getting the one she wants.

Then "are you hiding evidence?" To see the difference in the two "no"s

That was a bad fall. If only there was somebody who had a tongue that could heal you....👉🏻👈🏻

Where are they standing if not in front of a two-way mirror?

Teen playing along is great. Not sure if Agatha is just hearing what the hex is making her hear, if Billy actually knows what she's seeing and is acting with it, or if he's just super good at improv.

Joe Locke should get an award no matter what. I like this twink.

"you little dirt bag" ma'am that is your adopted son

"the respect of your peers and a fulfilling home life, but you were fresh out of both" that is Certified Maximoff Sass™️

Also, Teen deserved that

Rio, don't act like that wasn't funny to you. You've seen Agatha eat babies and love her still.

The Road mention and then the overscore.

Is it ink, Teen? Is it?

If it is, where the fuck did she get ink to fingerprint him? Is it just oil or something? Does she have an inkwell? Probably.

Still.

"Asleep. In bed. TOTAL LOOSERRRR OR TOTALLY LYING" Kathryn Hahn is so fucking funny and unhinged I need her as my wife.

The hex breaking.

Kidnapping yay

Agatha desperately clinging to this curse, where everything makes sense, trying not to lose herself 🥲

Rio showing back up at the Coroner, ready for this damn hex to end

"Yes claw your way out" girl 🥵

The SWEATPANTS

Costume department went HARD in this scene

Same thing with Effects

Rio gently guiding her back to reality. She definitely got to see the goods again, but gathered her strength and left first before her dramatic reentry into Agatha's life. Dramatic ass lesbians.

The out of focus nudity is great. DISNEY.

Agatha being rude to poor Herb. I cannot remember if that's his real name but he's sweet.

"call me nosy, I'll cut out your tongue" why do I love her more after that line?!? What is wrong with me?!?!?

Okay, so Sarah/Dottie's daughter was 10 during WandaVision. So she's 13 now and Very Excited to see naked Agatha.

Same tho

Herb is so nice, trying to cover her up. Agatha is unashamed. I love her.

Agatha trying to magic but unable to. Heartbreaking. TV's saddest moment. RIP

Immediately goes downstairs to check on shit and sees her bunny.

"I got mugged, Mister." The way she cuddles and kisses that fluffy boy. THAT FLUFFY BOY IN GENERAL. LOOK AT HIM

That bunny is a gift from Rio.

"She took every bit of power I had and left me with household appliances."

Why does this make me laugh til my ribs hurt?

That is such a good bunny. He deserves an Emmy.

Her taking Señor Scratchy with her and then placing him out of harm's way is great.

So nonchalant about the kidnapped child in your closet.

Rio be like "Surprise bitch. Bet you thought you saw the last of me."

The DRAMA of that entrance and Aubrey Plaza ate that shit up.

She went home and Dressed Up to see her ex. Like DAMN!

"I've missed you," while holding a knife to her throat is A++ flirting, Rio. Good job.

"I hate you." Liar.

This scene should have ended in sex. But Disney and Teen was there. Ugh.

Even without powers, Agatha can hold her own and that is so hot.

The slap across the face has to be real.

Teen watching while tied up, knowing that there's a tension there. His Gaydar is going Off The Charts.

Aubrey Plaza was born to play this role. If she doesn't win a fucking Emmy I swear to god

Agatha going to manipulation immediately

"Admit it: you prefer me..."

"Horizontal?"

Girl there were like 3 whole seconds in that pause. You didn't mean in a grave

Unless.....yeah, no they def fucked in a grave before.

"there are no new options?" I cackled

"I could just sit back and watch..."

Don't kid yourself, Rio. No you can't.

That look down was at her boobs and I cannot blame Rio one bit. She is so soft for her wife. Yes, they are married. Fight me.

Agatha crying and Rio wiping that tear away, automatically. Just brilliant.

Salem Seven mention. I honestly didn't expect them to play a huge role in this but damn I was wrong.

"You don't have a heart."

"Yes, I do. It's black and it beats for you."

Please just fuck already.

Okay, licking her hand is good too I guess...

"Te veo" again. Rio, my love.

Teen just there, watching this all go down, silently. I appreciate that he didn't interrupt or get hurt.

#agatha all along rewatch #vidarkness #agatha all along spoilers #agatha all along 1x01

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hacked-by-jake · 9 months ago

Note

Wargh, I'm hyped (despite the negative things), I'm deep in that rabbit hole (again) and I have nobody here to talk about my obsession with a mobile game 🥲 I even thought about creating a Duskwood/Moonvale Forum. So I'm here, scrolling through tumblr, especially yours, trying to become part of the fandom community 😅 It's good to know, that you're still here, I followed you for a long time, without being brave enough to contact you.

The last days I had many people telling they never were brave enough to contact me or to reach out or interact in any other way. I can understand this feeling very well, I think I almost never reached out to someone out of fear to bother them or be weird or make them feel uncomfortable in any way. Most of the time I'm just to insecure.

If anyone of you feels like this with me, please don't. Easier said than done, I know. But really, no one ever has to worry about bothering me or anything. And I would never think that you're weird or whatever. Trust me. When people want to talk to me.. most of the time it sounds so unbelievable to me because I'm like "Why would anyone talk to me?" So, every ask or comment or whatever I get makes me the happiest person on earth because to me, it's just wonderful when I see people liking what I just said or they want to talk to me about specific things or similar.

So please, never hesitate to reach out, okay? I'm here and I want to see the fandom and all of you. You're kind and amazing and I mean, we all love Duskwood. So we already have a huge thing in common. :)

I won't lie tho, I'm super bad with DMs, which is never due to anyone of you. It's just my problem with communication and the strength to answer you. Not because I don't want to, but because if I answer, I want to give a good answer and I want to put effort into it. Sometimes that gets into my way and makes me hesitant. Because even if you reach out to me, and maybe you're afraid to bother me or something, I also fear to come over as weird or anything. So, if you're nervous, don't worry, I'm as well. Hehe. 💚

And I actually know you're following since a longer time. Every time I see you I recognise you, your name and profile picture. And I'm always happy see people coming back and are still interested in the game and also in the fandom. For me, it's a great thing and of course, this fandom will welcome everyone as long as you're kind. (You are, heh) But I mean in general. I've never experienced anything else here before.

So if you want to post yourself or only interact with blogs I'm 100% everyone will appreciate it and is happy to have you with them.

And welcome back in the rabbit hole, I'm waiting for all of you to arrive, we have lots of space in here and some chinese food, as long as you like it, haha.

So, of course, you're welcome to share your thoughts and to talk about the game with me. I'm also happy about it and I'm sure I will enjoy it. 💚

And I'm also glad you decided to send the ask now. Since you say you were not brave enough before, it's nice that you overcame this feeling. It's a huge thing and you can be proud of that. 💚

I thank you very much for your time and your lovely words. This ask already was enough to make me happy. And I hope you will have a wonderful day/evening/night! 💚💚💚

#little-winter-witch #duskwood fandom #moonvale fandom #hb answers #personal #<3<3<3<3<3

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nomoreusername · 29 days ago

Text

Three Words (Part 1)

Pairing:Thomas x female reader

Summary:When Thomas takes you home when you're drunk you tell him something you never would sober.

I just sat back and watched everyone laugh around the fire. If I'm being honest I tuned everyone out a while ago. There were still a lot of questions I was always thinking about. If I'm being honest the way everyone just moved on could be irritating at times.

Speaking of irritating I saw Y/N dancing around the fire. She laughed as she spun Aris around. She said something to him, and he nodded while clearly holding back his own laughter. I didn't care to think about it.

Then, I did. She walked over and sat directly next to me. I stared at her like she lost her mind. In fact, I think she might have. She was never fond of me to say the least so naturally I wasn't very fond of her.

"You never really look happy,"She spoke up, her voice slightly slurred. It was then that I understood the odd behavior, but I decided against saying anything about it. It just doesn't seem worth the trouble.

"You always look happy,"I shrugged, expecting gibberish to come out of her mouth. Instead, she just laughed again, something she did a lot.

"No. I'm just like really good at hiding my emotions. It's like super cool and bad. Nobody even knows what goes on in here,"She said, tapping her head. I just looked at her, not knowing how to react to that.

"You though, are good at hiding it. It's hard to tell, but you get all quiet. You do what you're doing now."

"What exactly am I doing?"I asked, trying to figure out what exactly was going on. She isn't in her right mind, but this was just over the top.

"You're over here, and we,"She said, pointing at the fire, "are over there,"She finished.

"Yeah. Maybe I just like being alone sometimes,"I shrugged.

"No. You look solum and all that. You my dear friend are hiding,"She said, patting my shoulder.

"Do you know who I am?"I asked slowly. No matter what it has to be pretty hard to forget you hate someone while talking to them.

"Mhm. You're Thomas. The one with the soft looking hair. I wanna touch it,"She slurred, actually running her fingers through my hair. In my mind I was just asking myself what was happening.

"Yep. I was right,"She commented, pulling her hand back.

"Are you an observer or something?"I questioned, as if she would be able to give me a proper answer.

"No. I just like seeing you. I'm surprised you haven't noticed that I'm always around you. You're smart,"She complimented.

I tried to actually think about what she just told me. Sure enough that did seem to happen, but I just assumed it was a coincidence. In fact, I think it's a good idea to keep assuming that.

"You're my favorite person,"She kept going. By now she was almost completely out of it.

"You should get to bed,"I suggested. She shakily stood up, nearly falling asleep as she did. Luckily, I managed to catch her.

"Come on. You should get some sleep,"I said, placing her arm over my shoulder. She leaned against me, seeming completely fine with this. I know I've been through a lot of weird things, but this was a whole other level.

"Do you ever think about how the world sucks?"She asked, still leaning against me.

"Yeah. All the time,"I answered honestly. It's not like she would remember in the morning.

"You don't suck though. No matter what I say you're great, Thomas."

By now her words were almost incoherent. I just nodded as I helped her in her hut.

"You should stay the night,"She suggested.

"No. That's a bad idea,"I responded, helping her to her bed.

"Why?"She asked, seeming genuinely curious.

"Because,"I trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say. "Just trust me. If you were sober you would thank me,"I promised. She shook her head no.

"Out loud I would. Not really though,"She protested, grabbing my hand as I was next to her.

"Okay,"I said because what else could I say? What was even happening?

"I'd still be sad on the inside. I'd still wonder why I don't just say I love you. It's just three words,"She shrugged, her eyes seeming to clear over for a second. There was a dead silence as I kept trying to figure out what to do. The answer was obvious, right? I just leave.

So why am I still here?

"I really want you to get some sleep. You're just going to feel worse if you don't,"I settled on, helping her under the covers.

"Wait, Thomas,"She said, grabbing my wrist.

"Do you need something?"I asked hesitantly.

She didn't say anything as she just stared at me, her grip surprisingly strong. Then, she pulled herself up and placed a kiss on my lips. I froze before the reality of what was going on kicked in. I pulled away.

"Why'd you pull back?"She asked, seeming genuinely disappointed.

"You are extremely drunk right now. You don't know what you're doing,"I explained, gently tucking her back in.

At least, I could try. All I had to do was pretend I didn't wonder what her lips felt like on mine when she knew what she was doing.

"Oh. If that's what you think,"She mumbled, her eyes fluttering shut. I just stood there and watched her breathing become steady. She was finally asleep, and I could finally do the same and push all that out of my mind.

#thomas x y/n #thomas x reader #tmr thomas #thomas tmr #thomas maze runner #the maze runner #tmr #one shot #enemies to lovers #slight hurt/comfort #love confessions #part 1/2

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fedorahead · 6 months ago

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bras suck and are evil and not wearing one is totally acceptable and it makes me sad how many people have handy replies to that like "but my boobs are too large" or "but people will get mad at me" because i also have very large boobs but the only person who ever got mad at me for even suggesting not wearing a bra only did so when he was harassing me about heing able to see my bra straps and when i said i'd take it off he said that would be inappropriate, even though i had already been coming to work braless many times; he just hadn't noticed. he also called me letting my curly hair stay curly instead of straightening it was a neglectful look to wear to work, so his opinion can be discarded for the trash it is.

you gotta shed those societal expectation programmings that make your life worse. i'm in the process of getting a reduction after my pregnancy because i have large tits and they are large enough that removing them is considered medically necessary (though don't get me started on the criteria for that having your bra straps dig in 🙄) so when someone says they can't go braless because they're DD or whatever i just feel bad for whatever situation made them think that.

you don't have to not wear bras all the time, you don't have to wear only thin shirts with no support or whatever and have your nips show through, you can modify and flex your wardrobe around your needs rather than contoeting your body into a shape that isn't suiting you and makes you physically miserable. physerable

i've found 100% cotton tank tops help me feel more comfortable, but since getting pregnant and summer being heatwace after heatwave, i'm just not bothering at all and you know how many people have treated me worse for it?

zero, because nobody gives a fuck; it isn't the 1970s or even the 2000s, people wear their pjs to the mall and cosplay to work stop thing yourself to the values of a dead world.

i also don't get any pushback whatsoever for not shaving, because again, it's been more than a decade since anyone gave a shit about those things.

i live in a very liberal area now but i also go to texas and nevada every year and even in the less liberal areas around the west, nobody has ever had the gall to comment on the weird stranger's weird not wearing a bra habit. and anyone who would is already breaking the social contract of leaving people the hell alone.

i also almost never wear makeup, and have gotten people telling me they couldn't be employed without makeup......... meanwhile that has definitely never been a barrier for me.

i get that experiences vary, so the rant here really may only apply to the west/west coast, southwest, and travis county, but since the people who've given me those arguments also lived in all these places i can't really be like "oh they were in a different situation" all i can say is if your body is in pain because of something society is forcing you to do, that you can fix easily, fuck society and do the thing, take the bra off or skip the makeup or whatever. and just stand behind it until the fear dies down.

anyone can "live like this" you just have to accept that "this" is a perfectly reasonable way to live first, and that anyone putting pressure onnyou to do otherwise is being unreasonable and therefore isn't worth heeding.

i don't want to talk too much about the intersection of privilige and confidence but i know i would bring it up if i felt like this post was overlooking me, so i will say one thing: the majority of one's freedom comes from not being bothered by things that cannot effect one's material needs, and fighting like hell for things that can. societal privileges can tip the scales to make that fight easier or harder, but the fight itself is universal. if what you are battling is harder because of an axis of oppression, you still have a power inside you stronger than any passionless societal pressure. you might have different strength, your well of will might be suppoeted by different sources, maybe community or maybe rage or maybe sheer audacity, but there is always hope and a way to turn your life in the direction of making yourself happier and your needs more fulfilled. even if it's not dropping markers of femininity because they really are the edge between being treated as human and being treated as a freak. though, i know a lot of studs who have just incorporated that danger into their lives because they'd rather be masculine and in some degree of danger or struggle than feminine and accepted. we all have our different values to measure.

follow the path that makes you feel the most comfortable and fulfilled, and fuck the programming that lies to you. wear a pretty bra if you want, not because the man says you gotta.

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skiyoosmi · 4 years ago

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to the stars above | z.

featuring. zhongli (genshin impact)

genre. fluff, angst, smut, ancient-liyue!au

word count. 5.4k

marga's notes. aAAAa look look, it's my first commission!! school has kept me really occupied for like the past month but after pulling a few all-nighters, i've finally finished my responsibilities along with this little baby! once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to my bubs @ramannnn for trusting me with this one <33

Nobody knows when the world began, how it came to be and why it continues to be. Even I, whose mind is filled with nothing but wonder for it, have no idea. One thing I am quite sure of... is how mine did.

It all started with him— a man of many titles, different identities yet at the end of the day, all these monikers are the same; it's all him. He adored Liyue more than anything else, knew it like the back of his hand. He went where the winds lead him, stayed where the moon shines upon him, stood where the golden sun kissed his skin. He found serenity in the walks he travels as he goes about his day, the sceneries his eyes take in and the calm sounds the nature resonates for him. And as if it was fate decided upon by the Celestia, it led him to me. Suddenly, my little world that used to be nothing became everything... quickly and all at once.

An exasperated sigh escapes from my lips, frustration and disappointment filling my whole being as I stare at the blank parchment paper I held in my hands. Another day was again wasted with no progress, I thought, mentally beating myself up for not being productive enough. Before I could further drown myself into such pessimistic ideas, I snap out of it and let my eyes cherish the view that lies ahead of me. Though I feel a little guilty for taking Vermeer's place, I can only whisper an apology with little to no sincerity. Because truly, nothing can beat the picturesque landscape of Luhua Pool— the crystal clear waters that would most probably reflect my face like a mirror if I were to ever look at it, the ruins that ignited the spark of curiosity within me, wondering about the pasts it holds and the stillness and feeling of peace it gives me as I sit in this cliff. Feeling somewhat a bit better, I place my things on top of the old bag I bring no matter where I go. There's always a better day for writing, I tell myself as a form of consolation, bringing my slim arms up to begin stretching. I've been sitting on this log for quite a long time now, after all.

"It seems like you are in a bit of a dilemma," a deep voice comments from behind me. Out of surprise, I lightly jump and turn my head towards the stranger. Right at that moment, it felt as if all the air circulating inside my body had been depleted. Captivating was an understatement as to how he appeared before me. With the sunlight striking his face and accenting his unique features further, he stood with his hands behind him, head tilted as he looked at me with interest, all while keeping his dignified posture.

"Oh, hello. I am afraid so, yes," I respond, or rather, mutter under my breath since I was not really used to having sudden encounters with other people, nor am I fond of it. I tend to keep to myself, finding it much more peaceful than having to tend to others' overbearing expectations and demands which is partly the reason why I chose to live in the outskirts, far from the center of Liyue that contrasts my comfortable abode, "I apologize. I failed to realize that somebody other than Vermeer liked to stay here," I told him, arching my eyebrows a little when he let out a breathy chuckle.

"Oh, you have no need for such formal apologies. I do not always go here, at least probably not as often as the man you call Vermeer. I was simply taking a walk and I think I got carried away by Liyue's view and eventually, my feet led me here," he explains, a hint of sheepishness present in his tone, "and I guess I'll have to thank my feet for that."

Because it led me to you, interesting one. For many years, it will remain unspoken, kept by the strange man to himself and unveiled once his heart gives up from the resistance he upholds.

For the following hours of lounging around Luhua Pool, I learned a lot about the stranger— he calls himself "Morax," and like the god of Liyue, he enjoyed history and is extremely knowledgeable about it, aspiring to know and understand everything of the world, he often brews tea, even going as far as inviting me once I am free from any form of work. Just as he shared facts about himself, I did too.

"So, Cheng, you said you have a bit of a dilemma?" he inquires, slightly angling his head towards the direction of the side I'm sitting on. I nod my head up and down, mouth forming into a small pout of disappointment as I remember that today has not been that progressive.

"Yes. I am trying to write a novel, you see. Something that will leave an impact on this world so that even if I may pass, I will still live on the memories of people," I tell him, an ambitious expression present on my face. He hums, eyes going over the terraces that make up the current view we have and the two huge statues standing by the ruins, "Why so?"

I pause for a moment to think of a reply, "I guess I just do not want to let someone alone in this cold world. Wouldn't that be too cruel and sad, to just leave them with nothing?"

If I'm able to write words that will provide comfort to my readers, then maybe... just maybe the world will be less lonely... even for just a little bit. At least, that's what I thought as silence consumed us, the sun setting as if to remind us that finally, another day is nearing its end. Now, what will tomorrow bring?

"Well then, I do hope I will be able to read at least some of your works at least once," he speaks as he stands up, lightly dusting away his clothes, "It certainly has been a pleasure to be your company, Cheng."

As he walks down the slope of the hill, his somewhat broad back facing me, I call out, "Will you be back?"

He stops and turns, a soft smile is plastered on his face as he responds, "Only time will tell."

But time was no friend of mine. At least that's what I have come to realize as many days passed without him returning to this place. Though maybe it's only because it almost felt as if time slowed down and I was only eager to see him again, something I have scolded myself to— what a fragile heart do I have to already seek a stranger's presence? That is what others call love at first sight, a devilish portion of my mind whispered cheekily within me and I gasped in disbelief, "Absolutely not," I lightly slap both of my cheeks, "I'm just too coped up in my own world. I probably need to go see more people."

That thought remains a simple yearning though because once again, I find myself lounging around the same spot in Luhua, a quiet hope ignited within me, fulfilled when I hear the familiar voice he adorns as he speaks, "You're here."

I release a sound that is between a giggle and a breathy chuckle, "And I see your feet had led you here once more?"

"They were curious, or should I say... I was," he explains as he takes a seat beside me, his posture remaining solid despite the uncomfortable position.

"Of what?" I ask.

"Of you," he simply replies, unaware of the sudden yet unsurprising effect it had on my heart that was already beating rapidly with just his mere presence. I try not to be so showy of it though, too embarrassed to even think of how fast I became fond of him.

But it was no wonder. After all, he himself was an interesting one; from the way he carries himself, the way he speaks, and the way he's just him... all and every action hold so much dignity that it just leaves me almost breathless and in awe every single time my eyes finds their way to his figure— and to think that this was just our second meeting? My mother would most probably let out the most shameless giggle as I tell her these thoughts, pushing me and teasing me like a normal person in their teens would. I shake my head to get out of these thoughts, listening to Morax as he tells another wonderful tale, almost making me think that he lived it himself with how he knew it, going over even with the smallest details.

"You know, Morax, you have such a good memory to remember all of those things despite simply hearing about it," I suddenly speak up in the midst of the silence that engulfed us while he tries to think of the next story to tell, "I hope I can stay in them too... in your memories, I mean. I know I am far from being the most interesting person but for some reason, I wish for that."

He pauses, eyes trailing slowly towards me, beyond my knowledge, before he lets out a somber smile. You already are, is another one of him that becomes an afterthought.

I heaved out a sigh before shaking my head again, "Ah! Why do I keep having such lonely thoughts? Forget about that. Please do not mind me, alright? I think I really need to stop being stuck in the mountains."

I pick up my small bag and shuffle inside it, letting out a quiet sound of 'aha!' as a sort of celebration when I successfully got a small book out, "Here."

He blinked his eyes in confusion, wondering what it was I handed to him so I spoke in delight, "You told me you wanted to read at least one of my works so, here. I am warning you though, it is not like the ones that sell best in the bookstores. It might bore you, or weird you out like what others say."

"What others say?"

"They say it's too unrealistic, too impossible... but I believe otherwise. We live in a world where gods and adepti watch over us. What makes my story impossible then?" I ponder, him still being confused.

"What is it about anyway?" He asks, having no idea of what the context my book had.

"It's about an archon who began living as a simple man in Liyue."

Our meetings became more frequent after that and eventually, we got comfortable with even just the presence of each other, having no need for long talks and such, but just peace. Today, like any other day, Morax was just reading the book I gave him, while I was thinking of what my next story would be about. Occasionally, he looks at me with an odd expression that is almost equivalent to astonishment, as if I have done something so great that it made him look at me that way.

"What made you think of this plot?" he asks all of a sudden, not forgetting to put a piece of paper that served as a bookmark on the page where he stopped just in case he accidentally closed it.

I hum, thinking about my answer to his question, "Hmm. Truth to be told, it was just a mere wonder for me. Archons and the adepti, although not entirely immortal, live so much longer than an average human does, watching over us as we go about our daily lives, waiting for sudden wars to break out and then fight the enemies that attack us. Growing up, those were the things that all the people around me told me. So I began to wonder, do they ever get tired? Is it not too taxing to keep on doing that? What if... they just lived with us, among the crowds? Because I think it is too lonely wherever they are. Would it not be better if they were with us, rather than above us, so they could at least have memories to live by?"

Morax does not give a response, or rather, he finds it difficult to find one. Still, it does not stop the affection that spreads within him. He does not say it out loud, but for someone who prefers to be alone, Cheng was full of empathy. And somehow, that did wonders to Morax's heart.

"Now that I think about it, I kind of actually want to address my books to them now," I hum once more, "It would be like a message for them: Do not be too lonely even if we pass. Because of your help, through these stories, we can show you that we lived a good life."

I huff as soon as I finish my sentence, "Although one of those who read it said that was impossible, because according to them, why would archons give up their power to live a life where there is only simplicity?"

Morax let out a sound that made it look as if he got offended himself, "Archons can do that, can they not?"

"I know! That was what I was saying to them. Anyway, I am not forcing them to like what I wrote. It's just a story, after all. It can do no harm," I shrug, beginning to fix my belongings as the sun began to set, "I should go now, Morax. It is still quite a long walk to my home."

"I want to live a good life too," he suddenly tells me, making me halt and turn to him in confusion, "With you. The good life and memories you shall tell in your stories, can I be part of them too?"

The universe does not stop for anyone, nor does time— science will consistently proclaim this fact matter what timeline we shall live in. No matter how much someone begs to the Celestia to grant their wish of controlling, or stopping time, no one will be able to do such things. But somehow, it seems like when it comes to him, everything is possible as I feel my world stop at his words, just like the way it also began when I met him. And as if planets were colliding with each other, I suddenly felt my heart crash upon him and as if out of instinct, I let go of the truth.

"Of course. It would be the greatest thing to have you."

Life was strange in its own way. That is what I have come to realize in this simple life of mine.

Despite the fact that the "me" of the previous year has never even thought about putting my whole being on my sleeve, it is pleasingly odd how right now, I find myself in this kind of situation with the man who swept me right under my feet and claimed my heart as his.

“You're cold," I whisper amidst the silence of the night in my abode, my index tracing the ears of the man who had me sitting right on his lap, the shorter strands of his silky hair tucked behind them. So, so alluring.

He takes hold of my wrist, planting a soft kiss on its side, all while maintaining eye contact as he quietly drawls, "Then I suppose you can keep me warm tonight. Will you?"

As if in a trance, I nod my head, letting him take the lead as he laid me down, back against the soft mattress, him following on top with his arms supporting his build. With arising confidence, I circle my arms around him and pull him down, bringing our lips together, a sigh of relief escaping both of our mouths as if to say, "Finally."

I wonder if he thinks the same way as I do— that this was Celestia in its own way. I felt like I could do anything as long as it was with him. The kiss felt like the power we once suppressed from each other became a supernova that changed our world's course all of a sudden. But despite the tension and heat we both emitted at the moment, there is a warmth that engulfs me the same time he fully wraps his arms around me.

I am here. I will always be here.

No noise disturbs the peace we have created, only the quiet sound of crickets reach our ears but even that fails to distract him from what he's doing. He gently tugs on the sash that keeps my coat tied. Nimble fingers explore the remains of my clothing, loosening all until I am set free from them.

His eyes raked over my body, an expression of awe plastered on his face for so long that it made me somewhat conscious. Because as he unravels his to me, I am enlightened by the fact that my figure is nothing worth comparing to his — not even close. A hint of sweat glints from his skin due to the moonlight, making him look even more ethereal. But who was I to complain?

So instead, I look down, fiddling a little with my fingers as I feel my cheeks heat up. How is it that I only realize now what kind of situation we are currently in? Before I further drown in such shameless thoughts, he lifts my head up by the chin, an amused look on his usually-gentle face, "Are you feeling shy, beloved?"

I meekly nodded, to which he lets out a soft laugh and whispers, "Don't be. You are the epitome of beauty itself. If you don't believe me, allow me to show you nothing but truth tonight, I swear under the moon and all these stars."

He dips down and captures my lips in a kiss once again with more passion, if it was still even possible.

"You are made for me, as I'm made for you," he proclaims as he thrusts inside me after minutes of preparation, soft pants and groans following his statements. I can only whimper in response, pain evident in my tone at first with my hands lightly clawing at his back. I pray to the heavens above that they don't leave awful marks after this.

He halts and utters an apology, thumb caressing the bone of my cheeks while he waits for me to adjust. He scans my face after a few seconds, relief flashing in his eyes when I nod for him to continue.

"I... b..." I try to speak out but the pleasure overwrites any sensical thought that goes through my mind. He slows down a little, looking over my face and smiles, urging me to talk.

"Stay with me, beloved. We still have all night," he tells me, encouraging me to voice what has been on my mind.

"I... I belong to you, always have and always will..." I manage to croak out, voice quite hoarse due to the sounds that I let out previously. Perhaps pleased with what I have proclaimed, he begins going even deeper and at the same moment, I begin falling deeper.

"Yes, yes, you do," he repeats like a mantra, his voice sounding more and more desperate to reach his high. I cry out with him, creating a harmony that even the best bards shall be ashamed.

It was a long night— the longest yet most beautiful night I have ever had in this simple life of mine. And in that moment, as we reach the stars together, I knew right there and then that this man is someone who will be etched in my heart for as long as I live, deep into its roots— for him, it shall beat and it shall love.

You, who are reading this, most probably have had enough of these teeth-rotting praises I kept on writing. But what can I do except to apologize? These words are the only ones that can flow out of my mind and mouth to show how magnificent it was to be loved by him.

Well, nothing significant really changed. He was still the same gentleman I met, if anything, more gentle. Just like in the beginning, he made my heart flutter every chance he gets, no matter how many years have already passed.

We built a dynasty together.

But maybe I should have known that ours were also bound to crumble like the ones that have long existed even way before us.

Days, months and years went on, I realized that he was actually the opposite of me— unlike me who was clearly not parallel with time, he held it right on the palms of his hand. I was not blind, nor was I a fool, I can clearly see how he looks like he has not aged a day, all while I was here, maturing more and more each second that passed by, the amount of signs of me aging increasing significantly.

Morax. Knowledgeable of history as if he lived it himself. Time. All these thoughts eventually congest my mind as realization dawns upon me. He was not merely a man named after the god himself— Morax was him, he was Morax.

"How appalling," I mutter with a hint of sadness and dismay in my tone. I stood in front of the mirror, fingers hovering over my face, wrinkles appearing as I scrunch it. A pair of firm arms snake its way around my lean waist, chin resting on one of my shoulders as he hums his words, "What has got your beautiful mind occupied, my beloved?"

Taking hold of his arms, I turn my body around to face him, a somewhat melancholic smile etched on my face as I look up at his much taller frame, "You are a sight to behold, even to this day." He arches one eyebrow out of amusement and curiosity, wondering why I suddenly started pouring him compliments. After all, my shyness prevents me from consistently doing so. Nonetheless, I continue speaking, "I wish... I could be with you even when everything changes into a whole new world."

I lifted a hand up to cup his cheeks and began rubbing it lovingly, a lone tear finally dropping from my eye as soon as I closed it, "but I cannot, I do not have the ability to do so... I am but a mere mortal, after all."

His eyes widen as he finally discerns my actions and concerns, immediately opening his mouth in hopes of consoling me but I beat him into speaking, "It's alright, Morax. I have been putting the pieces together for a while now. I am in no way angry. I just..." I pause, gulping hard before my lips start to quiver, "... I cannot imagine how lonely it must have been. And now... I think about it and I... I do not want to leave you alone again."

My cries eventually start becoming louder, something that is very new to the both of us, seeing as I have always been composed. Love can change a person into a whole new being. I remember a book I have read once and at the moment, I can only agree. Maybe it was the way my heart clenches at the mere thought of him walking alone, or the way I can imagine us taking our last breaths together yet I know that will never happen— but either way, it was painful.

He whispers sweet nothings to my ears, placing light kisses on my temple as he leads us to the bedroom to rest once my tears have finally ceased and I have calmed down. His hold on me gets tighter every time I let out a small hiccup due to crying, almost as if he was telling me that he was feeling the same pain as I was.

Hours pass by as we lay in silence. My tears have long dried up but we remain coped up in each other's arms.

"Would it not be interesting if you bear the name Zhongli?" I ask him in a somewhat croaky voice.

He peers down and tilts his head, "Now where did that thought come from?"

I shrug, or at least try to, and look up at the ceiling as we shift our positions to lay on our back, hands finding one another and intertwining, "Hmm... nowhere. Just a name I wanted to give you in case that you are needing a new one."

"Oh? How come it would be interesting then?"

I look at him with a comforting yet sad smile.

"Because it means it's time to leave, to go somewhere far away... and unfortunately, I will have to leave soon."

He furrowed his eyebrows together, "Do not say that. Who knows? Maybe you will be able to live a hundred years by my side. Besides, I think it sounds lonely. I do not think I would want to get reminded of the fact that you are not here with me."

I hum, "But if you bear the name I gave you, wouldn't it feel like I never went away? That no matter where your feet take you, no matter how far you go, I am and will always be with you, just as I have vowed."

The wooden door leading to my writing room slowly slides open and Morax's head peers in, an adorable smile plastered on his face, "You have been quite busy these days, beloved. I do not wish to disturb you but I am starting to long for your presence."

I let out a shameless giggle, "Alright, alright. Just let me write down a few more words while I still have ideas to input."

He peeks on the parchment paper out of curiosity, taken aback when he finds his name on it, "You are writing about us?"

I nod proudly, "My last piece."

"... But why?"

I smile and approach him, taking his hand and placing my forehead against his after he lowers his head down to my level, "I told you, did I not? I do not wish to leave the person I love with nothing. So that you will not be lonely, my words will be with you. I will be with you, always..."

"... and to tell the gods... to tell you, that I loved every second of my life with you— that it was, indeed, a good life."

"Who are you, young man? Are you my son?" I speak with a very hoarse voice, squinting my eyes at the figure in front of me, as if my poor vision will allow me to do that.

I hear a melancholic yet gentle sigh come from him before he takes my rough hands and looks afar, "Don't mind me. I'm just someone who vowed to be with you for as long as time lets us."

"Oh.... really? That’s quite endearing," I hum, "Well, may I know your name?"

"This… I think I may just have an idea to whom this book is for," Paimon trails off, looking over at the traveler who was in the same trance as her, "Paimon thinks we should let the strange person we saw a while ago give this directly to Zhongli!"

Lumine nods, turning around and starting to run towards the direction they were at previously, recalling the person named Cheng who gave them the novel they just finished reading. They were unique, dressed in layers of robes and it was almost as if they lived in the old times of Liyue. Even the way they talked and moved screamed ancient.

Just as they turned the corner, a woman near the Liuli Pavilion called them over, "Traveler! Here!" As they approach, Lumine cranes her neck to look around the area but to no avail, the strange person was long gone.

"Are you two alright?" the woman asks, much to their confusion, "I saw you talking to literal air awhile ago and I was worried you have eaten something strange."

The pair looks at each other in surprise before Paimon replies, "You didn't see anyone? Like a person dressed in the strangest attire? They dressed really anciently!"

The door of the Liuli Pavilion opens and there goes Zhongli, a calm expression morphing to an awkward one when he realizes he barged into an ongoing conversation. He apologizes for the disturbance and despite the curiosity he had upon overhearing bits of Paimon's statements, he starts his walk back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. At least not until he hears Paimon call his name, "Zhongli! Wait! A person named Cheng. Do you know them?"

He abruptly stops and turns to the two, eyes wide for a second before it returns to his usual demeanor, "How... how do you know of them?"

"We met them," Paimon says, as if it was the simplest thing to do, "Well, honestly, we don't know because we were apparently speaking to nothing but air! It's so odd!"

He stays still, honestly having no idea of what response he should give them because he himself found it hard to believe.

"Well anyway, they asked us to give you this nov— wait, where is it? It was just in your hands a while ago, Traveler!"

In the midst of the loud chaos made by the two in the middle of Liyue, he thinks he knows what to do and where to go now.

It was the day of the Rite of Parting, an event where he's supposed to be taking part of, even just a part of the audience. But he finds himself hanging around the Wanwen Bookhouse, eyes scanning the shelves until it stops at a familiar name engraved on the cover of a book.

"Oh! Greetings, Mr. Zhongli! I see you took a liking to a very great and romantic novel," Jifang comments as she sees the book in his hands.

He looks at her, "Is it really great?"

She gasps in delight, "Yes, indeed! Almost all of the Liyue folks have enjoyed this story! You can say it is a classic, especially for readers! Cheng definitely outdid themselves with this one! Such a mysterious person yet equally amazing. Imagine? Being able to make such a beautiful love story with Morax? They don’t mention the present name they gave Morax though, such a shame. Maybe it was due to old age, they wrote it until the last moments of their life after all. Anyway, I have to get back to work but enjoy reading that masterpiece!"

He feels his heart swell in pride upon knowing his lover had his wish come true. His nimble fingers carefully open the pages of the book and hours later, as he sat inside the Funeral Parlor after taking the novel home, he finds himself absorbing each and every word Cheng have written, the loneliness sitting idly inside him subsiding little by little.

I found solace in the countless cups of tea you brew whenever I encounter distress with my works, the endless stories you tell with a smile so beautiful that not even the most heavenly scenery can vanquish, but most of them all, the feeling of your hand intertwining with mine, providing me with serenity no one else has ever done before. Under the moonlit night of Liyue, I remember your wistful amber eyes, staring deep into my soul as you proclaim your love and desire for me. How foolish was it of me to think that I could live this life without even experiencing such warmth and intimacy?

It is a banality, really — how I wish to become a well-known writer with unique tales and yet the story I am telling is something so common to folks that they have most probably heard similar ones before. But I guess this is what it means to love and to be loved. Everything is like a cycle that just keeps on being repeated, yet we never get tired of it, of the feelings it brings. So, thank you, Morax. Words will never be sufficient to show how grateful I am to you for showing me a whole new world but I suppose this is still a way for me to give back to you.

With this little book of mine, I hope my heart reaches yours regardless of how many eras may have passed before and after us. So, my beloved, do not be too lonely without me. Even if you find yourself longing for my presence, just open this and my heart shall be with you.

This belongs to you, it always will.

And I do, as well.

#genshin impact #zhongli #genshin x oc #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #zhongli x oc #zhongli x reader #genshin headcanons #zhongli headcanons #genshin scenarios #genshin fic #genshin fluff #genshin smut #zhongli smut #zhongli imagines

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procrastinatingsapphictrash · 4 years ago

Text

I came back for you

Word count: 2123

Genre: Angst but happy end

Pairing: Natasha x gn!reader

Warnings: Abusive prison/government (let me know if I need to add any)

Request: Hey, so this is kind of a weird request, but could you do a Nattie x Powered! Reader during Civil War, where Nat, of course, is on Tony's team, and the Reader is trying to keep the peace between the two teams. Maybe the government takes (Y/n) and puts her in a shock collar like Wanda's because they think she was on Steve's team? Sorry this is so weird . . .

Summary: You are neutral in the fight, or so you think before you are told you can't be and are taken away with the rest of Cap's team.

A/n: Thanks @thewidowsghost for requesting this! Honestly I didn't plan on writing anything or posting anything today but I saw that I had a little bit of this done and to be honest my day has sucked so I needed a distraction and this worked perfectly. Also I could someone tell me how the formatting looks? I'm trying the new beta editor and I think I'm doing things right but idk. Anyways I hope you all enjoy!

As you take in the scene that surrounds you you can’t believe that you once considered everybody to be a big weird family. Certainly none of them are acting like it now. It breaks your heart to see them on opposite sides, throwing themselves at each other because apparently their personal beliefs are more important than their friends.

Neither of them are right or wrong in your opinion. There’s too many factors and both options suck, it’s the government’s fault for placing the team in this situation. However you are not happy with the way anyone is handling it, especially Steve, Tony and Natasha. Both Tony and Steve are acting based on what they think is right without considering the other sides to the story, although you can’t say that’s surprising coming from them. You do know that they genuinely do care for others but they can be very hard headed and neither of them like to be wrong.

It’s Natasha who you’re most disappointed in though, you thought that she would be a better negotiation, helping ease the tension but she’s out there fighting like the rest of the idiots. You thought that she would agree with you and try to bring together the two sides.

You narrow your eyes and zoom in your vision to the far side of the airport where you see Spiderman. You have no idea who he is but you can tell just by looking at him that he’s only a kid and it was irresponsible of everyone to let him be here and to fight him. You use your superspeed to get to him quickly and take him out of the way of flying cars and leave him by the side where it should be relatively safe.

“Stay here.” you tell him.

“But-”

You glare. “Stay here.”

You rush off before you can make sure he listens because you can hear a grunt of pain from Rhodney. He’s lying on the ground with Tony standing over him and Sam a few meters back. The fight seems to be ending now, you see the plane leaving and the rest of the avengers start to gather but it doesn’t matter because the damage is already done. You don’t know exactly what happened but it looks like a freak accident, somehow nobody’s fault and yet everybody’s fault for getting into this situation in the first place.

The mood is weird, as if everybody is holding their breath and taking in what they’ve done. In the background you can hear trucks pulling up and footsteps follow soon after. The first man grabs Wanda and she blasts him back lightly so he falls down. Immediately a circle forms around her, everyone pointing their guns. Clint takes a step in, raising his arms and trying to calm the situation down but the guns shift to him and one agent steps forward and roughly grabs him, forcing his wrists into cuffs.

They go for Sam next and he looks pissed but lets them cuff him without comment. Scott looks completely confused and out of his depth. You don’t know him but it’s obvious that he is not trained for these types of situations and is in over his head.

It’s Wanda that makes your heart break the most though. She’s like a little sister to you so seeing the tears in her eyes and the terror on her face as the agents move in to cuff her makes you want to wrap your arms around her and promise it will all be okay. But you can’t, that would be a lie because everything is not okay and trying to hug her would only make things worse.

The agents start to move away, leading Cap's team to their trucks to be taken away. One of them turns back and notices you, murmuring something to the agents beside them. Before you can even understand what is happening they are right back and grabbing at your arms roughly. Naturally you try to pull away but they are strong and once you realize what is happening you stop struggling.

“I didn’t pick a side,” you try to explain, “I was just trying to make sure everyone was okay.”

“You didn’t sign the accords and therefore have no right to be here.” one of the men tells you. You look towards Tony’s team for help but they all seem to be busy. Tony and Vision are trying to make sure Rhodney is okay and the kid is luckily back where you left him. T’challa is shaking hands with one of the agents and although it makes you sick because of the way they are treating some of the others you understand, he does have a country to run and his people must come first after all.

Natasha is the only one not doing anything and she meets your eyes. You silently beg her to do something, anything against what is happening. She stares you straight in the eye and shakes her head. You actually shiver at how cold her look is because you never thought that would be directed at you, you thought that the two of you were close.

“I’m not going to help you Y/n, you made your own choice and I made mine.” Is all she says before turning away. You watch her back as long as you can as you are led into the trucks, wondering how everything went wrong so quickly.

---

Nobody talks. You aren’t even sure if you’re allowed to. There is no way what they are doing is legal but who is going to argue with the government. A secret prison built just for enhanced individuals and imprisoning people without trial isn’t right. You were neutral before but the more you see of how the government operates the more you start to lean towards supporting Steve and the rest of his “team”.

You shift slightly because the shock collar is getting even more uncomfortable. Wanda is wearing one too, probably since the two of you are the only ones that have powers unrelated to technology and suits. She looks smaller than ever in her cell and you close your eyes because if you continue to look at her you know you’ll end up crying.

Nothing changes throughout the day until you hear the door creak open. Everyone glares when they see it’s Tony and he and Clint share a few words before Tony practically begs Sam for information. Sam’s reluctant but gives in, seeing that Tony is sincere and knowing that although he disagrees with Tony it’s not really his fault that you’re all here, it’s the government’s.

When Tony leaves things go silent again for a few hours. You haven’t been fed since you’ve gotten here, you realize, but you aren’t hungry anyways, your mind can’t stop picturing the fight, being arrested and most of all Natasha’s attitude towards you. It hurts even more than you would like to admit. You considered her your best friend but you also had feelings for her and you were dumb enough to think that just maybe she felt the same things about you. Obviously that is completely untrue and you wonder if even your friendship was a lie.

“How long do you think we’ll be stuck here for?” Wanda asks finally and although her voice is quiet you wince at how it breaks the silence.

“I don’t know kid.” Clint responds. “Too long. My wife is going to kill me and my kids-”

He stops himself, getting a little choked up which surprises you. You’ve never seen him this emotional before.

“I already miss my daughter.” Scott adds on and there is a moment of understanding that passes between the two of them.

“I don’t have my own family but I’m going to miss my sister.” Sam says. “She probably won’t even find out what’s happening until it’s on the news, if the news even covers it.”

“I miss the team.” you add. “Before this fight, we weren’t perfect but I considered everyone family.”

“So did I.” Wanda says and you all take a moment to miss what used to be.

“I miss pizza.” Sam jokes, trying to lighten the mood. It works and soon everyone is adding on ridiculous things they miss and things they want to do when you get out (you can’t even think about the fact that the “when” might actually be “if”).

Your eyes snap to the door when it opens and everyone shuts up immediately. You look warily at Natasha, unsure of why she’s here. Maybe the government sent her in to interrogate, god knows she is amazing at that and you honestly wouldn’t be able to not talk to her, as much as you’re mad at her right now.

She doesn’t speak, going straight towards Sam’s door and kneeling down, fiddling with the lock. After a few seconds it clicks and the door swings open.

“When did you switch sides?” He asks, raising his eyebrows, impressed.

“I don’t pick sides, I do what makes the most sense and right now breaking you out is the right thing to do. Besides I’m wanted now too, apparently the government doesn’t like it when you aid fugitives in escaping.” she responds smoothly, moving onto Wanda’s cell and repeating her actions until it opens.

“Do you know how to take the collar off?” she asks and Sam nods. He gets to work while Natasha moves on. Both Clint and Scott pass at her offer of freeing them. They both look like they’re itching to escape but you respect that they’re putting their families first.

You’re surprised by how emotional you get when she unlocks your cell. You thought she didn’t care about you so to have her here now is amazing and makes you feel bad you ever doubted that she would do the right thing.

“Y/n, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” she tells you as she undoes your shock collar carefully, doing her best to not hurt you.

“I-I thought you didn’t care about me anymore.” you admit, a single tear dripping down your face.

She wipes it away with her thumb. “Oh sweetheart I care about you so much, more than you could ever know and I want you to always remember that, promise me.”

You nod, sniffing. “I promise Tasha.”

“Good because I came back for you and I will always come back for you.” she says, leaning in closer. You look down at her lips as she continues to lean in because she is so close and it seems like she’s going to kiss you.

“Glad to know Y/n was the only reason you came back.” Sam says, smirking. You love him but you also want to strangle him right now, that bastard could totally see what was happening and ruined the moment on purpose.

Natasha flips him the finger but otherwise ignores him. “Steve and Bucky are waiting in the jet outside, I was able to dismantle alarms and cameras but we only have a few minutes left so follow me and be quiet.”

She grabs your hand as she moves out of your cell and you walk with her, the others trailing behind slightly. The halls are clear and it’s only a few turns before she ushers everyone into a vent. It’s a tight squeeze but you make it through and you pop out to find sturdy wires attached to the side of the raft coming from a nearby jet. Wanda and Sam each take one and their wires retract, pulling them into the jet. You gulp nervously, heights are definitely not one of your favourite things.

“We have to go Y/n.” Natasha whispers just as alarms start to sound, the noises loud with flashing lights.

You take a deep breath and grab the remaining wire and once you’re secure Natasha grabs it too. Closing your eyes tightly so you don’t look down you feel a strange whooshing sensation before it disappears and your feet touch down on the jet floor.

“So what next?” Sam asks once you’ve all collected yourselves, directing his question at Steve.

“We lie low and try to help as best we can.” he responds, sighing heavily. “We’ll figure out the details as we go, what matters is that everybody is safe.”

Natasha holds your hand again and squeezes it tightly. “And that we are together.” she whispers into your ear so only you hear.

You squeeze her hand tightly back. Your relationship with her has gone through a rollercoaster of a day and is mostly undefined but she’s right, all that matters is that you’re together now and you wouldn’t rather be with anyone else.

---

Taglist: @fayhar @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @acertainredhead @madamevirgo @megaqueenmaeve @cherryblossomskye @aaron-despair @chickenhavewisdom @emril-osvigne @nyankitty987 @agathaharkness-simp @thewidowsghost @nyx-aira @stephanieromanoff @satxnsupreme @likefirenrain @wlwlovesreading @stop-drop-and-drumroll @peggycarter-steverogers @casperlikej @redswing @mochamoff @king-star @blackbat2020

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #black widow #black widow x reader #marvel fanfiction #x reader

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catrasredemption-moved · 4 years ago

Note

I'm really struggling and hurting with what's going on in the fandom right now as im losing the only comfort i had in quarantine. could you please write something happy post-s5 catradora based on noelle's statement that once Adora realises she's in love with Catra she'd be SO into the reslationship?

((I get you, Nonners <3 *hugs* Again, white af, so I’m going to limit my comments, but - it isn’t all downhill from here. Try not to give up)) (((Disclaimer it’s almost 4am and my sleeping meds are kicking in, so I’m sorry if this isn’t completely coherent)))

Adora had never half-assed anything in her life.

And she’d be damned if she was going to start now, at a time when being fully on her game was more important than ever.

“I just want to do something for her!”

Bow practically had hearts in his eyes. Glimmer was a little less impressed. “I’m pretty sure if you just stayed in bed and napped together all day, she’d be happy.”

“I know, I know.” Adora sighed. “But that’s not - I want to do something good. Like, really show her that I love her.”

“Take a vacation.”

“Glimmer!”

“What? I’m serious,” Glimmer insisted. “If you just like... took an entire week off to do nothing but spend time with her, she’d probably be speechless. Which I would pay to see, by the way.”

Adora frowned, thinking it over. It was true that Catra would probably be floored by Adora taking a week off, no need for She-Ra or anything, just for her.

“I don’t know. Do you think it’s enough? What should we do? What do people do on vacation?”

“You could just travel?” Bow suggested. “You know, get as far from Bright Moon as you can then call Glimmer for a ride back or something when you’re done.”

It was... actually a good idea, Adora thought. They’d spent their whole lives in the Fright Zone wondering what was beyond the Whispering Woods. They could actually see things now. They could see a world full of magic!

The happy thoughts died almost as quickly as they had started. “I... I dunno. I mean, it sounds great, but that would take more than a week, and-”

“Take a month,” Glimmer encouraged. “Take six months, honestly. You guys saved the universe. If anyone’s earned time off, it’s you.”

“That’s a lot of time.”

“And you’ve earned it,” Bow assured her. “Maybe not six months - I mean, you should take six months but I know that would drive you nuts. But take a month. Go places. Spend time together. I think it’d be good for you guys.”

Adora chewed on her thumbnail for a moment before slowly nodding and smiling. “Yeah. Okay.”

This whole thing had started with Catra not feeling like a priority in Adora’s life, after all. A month together would be the perfect way to show Adora she was invested and she cared. Perfect. * * * * * * * * * * * * Catra didn’t get back to Bright Moon that night. “Your cat passed out on my couch,” Mermista informed Adora flatly, turning the screen so Adora could see Catra curled up in a tight ball, sleeping.

“Is she... okay?”

“She’s dumb. Sea Hawk found her almost sick with heat stroke and had to drag her away from the house she was working on.”

Adora’s heart jumped to her throat. “She’s... She’s really trying hard to help with Salineas.”

“And I appreciate it,” Mermista admitted in a rare moment of genuine honesty. “But I’ll appreciate it less if she kills herself in the process. If she’s going to die, I should at least get the first shot.”

“Glimmer can come get her, if you want.”

“Nah, she already feels like hell. She can sleep it off on the couch.”

Adora scrubbed her eyes, smiling weakly. “Thanks, Mermista. Sorry, I guess I should’ve warned you, she gets really intense when she actually puts effort into things.”

“She’s not someone I would’ve pegged for a workaholic. Want me to wake her up to say... I dunno, good night or whatever you guys say to each other?”

“Nah, let her sleep.” Adora wanted Catra home, wanted to talk to her about a vacation, but she was sleeping, and that was more important than anything. She’d been exhausting herself for nearly a month working on Salineas. And while it was earning her some begrudging tolerant will with Mermista (who firmly believed actions were better than any apology Catra could ever say), Adora was worried. A vacation would really do her some good. * * * * * * * * * * * * Glimmer and Adora went to Salineas the next morning to get Catra. They thought it was reasonable to assume she was still sleeping off the heat stroke at the palace.

“Nope, she took off before I woke up,” Mermista said flatly when they found her. “Sea Hawk tried to find her, but he’s not exactly subtle about it, so she probably had plenty of time to hide.”

“Great.” Adora sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I’ll... track her down.”

“Tell her if she’s going to keel over to get out of my kingdom. She can die on Bright Moon’s turf.”

“Tell her not to die,” Glimmer added.

“Yes, and yes.”

Mermista pointed Adora in the direction of where they’d found Catra yesterday. She approached a half built house, quietly climbing up the ladder at the side and finding Catra working on the roofing.

“Seriously?” she asked, resting her arms on the edge of the roof. Catra looked up, surprised.

“What?”

She looked exhausted, her face flushed red. Adora sighed. “Are you coming home any time soon?”

“Yeah, yeah.” She went back to work, distracted. “Sorry, I dunno what happened yesterday.”

“You made yourself sick working in the sun all day.”

“Sea Hawk overreacted.” Catra waved Adora off. “He’s just scared you’d kill him if you found he let me overwork myself.”

“Sooooo you’re admitting it?”

“No, that’s just his logic.”

Adora shook her head. “Come on, take the day off and come home. I wanna talk to you about something.”

“I really need to finish this.”

There was a weird moment where Adora thought she understood how Catra had felt for years. Catra had been working nonstop on Salineas for a month, and Adora was starting to feel a little ignored.

But she also understood Catra’s side. She took a deep breath, hauling herself up onto the roof and crawling over to Catra, gently putting her hand on Catra’s and stopping the hammer. “Hey. I get it, okay? But you’re not responsible for fixing all of Salineas.”

“Actually, I kind of am,” Catra replied bitterly. She was far too warm for it to be comfortable.

“I’m pretty sure Hordak could stand to take a little more responsibility than he has.” Adora couldn’t help but be a bit bitter about that. He had mostly stayed in Dryl, working with Entrapta on tech that would help with the rebuilding process. And that was great and all, but it wasn’t much compared to Catra being out here every day working herself half to death.

Catra let out a long sigh, finally relaxing her hand. “I just... need to do this, Adora. Okay?”

“I get that, but you don’t need to do it at the expense of your own health. And yes, I know I’m a hypocrite. But I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” Adora squeezed her hand. “And that’s okay. Have you eaten anything?”

“No.” The honesty was nice.

“Did you skip eating because you felt sick?” Catra nodded. “Okay. So... you can leave with me, or Mermista can wash you out to sea so you don’t die in her kingdom.”

Catra looked around, and sighed, finally nodding. “Okay. Let’s go.”

Getting her back to solid ground was a bit dicey, but she held herself up and managed to walk back to the palace without much help.

“She lives,” Mermista said dryly when they arrived back at the palace. Glimmer smiled, although she couldn’t hide her worry.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine.” Catra smothered a yawn, scrubbing her eyes.

“Picture of health all right,” Mermista deadpanned. “Look, you built like, an entire neighborhood on your own. Come back when you’re not burning up.”

Glimmer rested a hand on Catra’s shoulder, wincing when she felt the heat radiating off of her. Adora took a moment to whisper, “Thank you for taking care of her,” to Mermista. The princess shrugged.

“Yeah, you know. Whatever.”

Catra was not happy with the teleport back to Bright Moon. Glimmer put them close enough to the bed so she could drop straight onto it, groaning. Good luck, the queen mouthed before disappearing. Adora went to the bathroom, wet a washcloth with cold water, and returned to the bed, resting the cloth on the back of Catra’s neck. She shivered.

“Cold.”

“Yes, because you’re burning hot.” Adora settled in next to her. “So, I had an idea, and I already know you’re going to argue with it, but hear me out.” Catra hummed in affirmation. “I was thinking we should take some time off. You and me. I was thinking traveling, but now I’m thinking maybe go visit Frosta and spend a week in the snow.”

“Oh hell no,” Catra muttered. “I am not going anywhere with snow. That’s where I draw the line.”

“But you’re agreeing to the vacation?”

“I dunno.” Catra raised her head. “When? Can it wait until Salineas is-”

“No.” Adora gently clasped Catra’s face in her hands. “I know this is hard for you, but you can’t hurt yourself trying to fix things. That won’t accomplish anything, and nobody wants to see you hurting, not even Mermista.”

Catra looked ready to argue, but something in her expression flickered. “You’re willing to take time off just to do nothing?”

“Not nothing. To spend time with you. We can hold each other accountable. You keep me strapped down, and I’ll lie on top of you to make sure you don’t run off to Salineas.”

Tears slowly filled Catra’s eyes, and Adora panicked for a moment before Catra spoke. “You’d... really take time off to spend time with me?”

“Of course.” Adora kissed her gently. “I love you, Catra. And I know we’ve been through a lot and done a lot that doesn’t really... support that, and I want to prove it now. And I want to take care of you.”

The moment of silence between them was comfortable. The same silence they could have spent hours in at one point in their lives. “I love you too,” Catra finally murmured. “Maybe taking some off to spend together wouldn’t be so bad. If only to see you try and relax.”

“Ha. Ha.” Adora grabbed the washcloth and began gently wiping Catra’s face. “Glimmer gave us a month, but I’m pretty sure she’ll be happy if we want to take more. Let’s start with getting you better, then we can figure out what we want to do from there. Okay?”

“Yeah.” Catra snuggled into Adora’s chest, taking a deep breath. “That sounds good.”

It had worked. Adora couldn’t believe it. “So uh... I’m doing this relationship thing pretty good, huh?”

Catra snorted, reaching up to push her face away. “Get over yourself.”

#catradora #catradora fic #Mystery Person #Sam Answers #askbox fic

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orsuliya · 4 years ago

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Many are saying, that there is no passion betweenAwu and XQ. That from the beginning they both behave like old couple that have been together for 50 years. Calm, respect and domestic bliss. No craziness, no passionate words and deeds, no nothing. And I feel so sad that their crazy passionate all consuming love is not obvious to everybody. I've been married for 12 years now and my hubby still treats me like I'm made of glass. There is no craziness, but the calm I feel in mt heart... It is invaluable. For me their love is the perfect one. And I honestly haven't seen anything so perfect on the screen before.

Many need to check their glasses prescriptions, because that passion is right there and small it ain’t, that’s for sure. I thumb my nose, oh ye doubting Thomases, at this alleged lack of passionate words or deeds. Don’t know about you, good people, but for me the Re-do Wedding itself maxes out the scale; as far as grand gestures go that one is just perfect: very grand indeed, utterly shameless, more than a little schmoopy and, at the end of the day, surprisingly useful. Do I even need to comment on all those timely rescues? For all that Awu is not exactly a damsel in distress, she sure has been a subject of a lot of those. I hear that dramatic rescues are supposed to rate among the most romantic things a male lead can do, was my info faulty...? And it’s not like that’s one-sided since Awu runs into danger without hesitation, declaring that should anything happen to her husband or father, Song Huaien will need to carry her own cold, stiff body back home. As far as passionate romantic declarations go...!

Also, let be me disgustingly prosaic for a moment: for all that nobody gets naked onscreen (well, other that Mi’er), it is rather obvious that Awu and Xiao Qi get it on. A lot. In probably rather adventurous ways. I mean, they see absolutely no problem with promising each other various... things. While in public. In the middle of the Imperial Palace. Where anybody can hear them - and they probably do! - but is there even a hint of genuine, non-playful bashfulness to be found in their demeanor? The answer is a big, fat NO.

At the end of the day, their relationship - as is yours, you Unbelievably Lucky Nonnie - is the eternal fire of the hearth and the steady heartbeat of the home. A love like that doesn’t throw us at the mercy of waves and storms, but anchors us to home, wherever that home might be. For all the things simple and domestic to withstand the withering effects of time and everyday adversities, there must be a great burning love hidden in that hearth; hidden does not mean non-existent, but rather treasured and carefully guarded.

Okay, that is getting a tad too sentimental even for me, back to more prosaic considerations! The reason why this particular drama doesn’t seem to resonate with a good portion of younger audiences is rather simple. Bloody Mouse from Hell. Okay, not only Disney, western pop-culture as a whole. See, we’ve been taught that all conflicts and sweeping declarations of passion come before the marriage or even before the first grand kiss. After that there’s only the Happily Ever After, a concept as mind-boggling as it is suspicious. Yes, I know that Disney has been stepping away from their straighforward romance formula recently, but I am a true millenial, I have a constitutonal right to point some very pointy fingers at dear old Walt. All the work gets done before the final declaration of feelings and it’s smooth sailing from then on. Any male who makes an effort is guaranteed to be rewarded with a female; the only healthy exception being Gaston, who, when you think about it, is the scariest villain of them all (and there is good reason for that). Moms die in mysterious ways and females supporting females is a thing that happens from time to time... but is by no means guaranteed. Oh, and if you are not a walking talking perfection with one, maximum two funny quirks, there’s no place for you among the heroines. Those are the lessons I learned in my childhood. Didn’t stick, let me tell you. Wait a bloody moment, Zitan totally watched himself some Disney!

Now, let’s look at what happens in a considerable portion of mainstream adult programming. What happens is that if a couple gets together in the first season finale (which is early all the same), there is little chance of them being left to simply... be, unless they get relegated to background characters. Happily Ever Afters are booooring. Fine, I say, maybe they are. You need CONFLICT. And that’s fair! But there is no reason why you can’t spice things up using external factors; have this couple form a united front against a common danger and there’s your conflict! Yeah, no. Internal conflict and especially romantic one is much easier and cheaper. I am not saying it’s all bad - couples naturally go through such obstacles - but there comes a point where you have to ask this question: why the hell are they still together when they would never be able to trust each other again? Forgiveness only stretches so far and does not mean a totally blank slate. This is not, by any means, an invitation to start fridging female characters! I see what you’re doing, you bastards!

Thankfully things are changing. Not always and not always in the right direction. Disney in particular is doing something... weird with its main canon or was Mulan a one-off hiccup of terrifying proportions? Female-empowering that wreck was certainly not. Unless they meant Special Females, who are not like Other Females... okay, not the point right now.

The point is that Awu and Xiao Qi are married by episode 8 and in love by episode 14. Which is right where the end of the first season would be. And then... nothing. They are in love and form a rock-solid front against external enemies. The only real change in their relationship is that they grow stronger, first individually and then together.

It gets worse! We, the viewers, get a metric tonne of false leads of the kind, which we have been taught will inevitably lead to at least four episodes of conflict. So where are our four episodes of dealing with Xiao Qi’s household and uppity maids? Do as Wangfei says, that’s what we get. Where’s Xiao Qi’s burning jealousy over Zitan? I would prefer you not to go, but do as you wish, that’s the extent of it. By all known rules, he should start looking at Awu with suspicion once he guesses that Song Huaien is infatuated with her or at least take Huaien to task. There’s... absolutely nothing? This whole affair with Screecher? What do you mean you can simply ask your husband what happened and then trust his answer?! That’s not how it works! Get thee away to Turnip’s house for a couple of episodes at the least! And don’t even start me on the great performance of the Yuzhang Acting Company! There is a reason why people were loathe to recognize it as a performance and nothing but!

The Rebel Princess keeps purposefully missing those obvious cues for conflict and thus the viewer, used to much, much higher emotional amplitudes, simply nods off on this relationship. But that’s not on the drama, that’s on our erstwhile trainers.

#ask and answer #the rebel princess #okay sorry for the rant #and the preaching #but I simply had to #and don't ever start me on Mulan live-action Disney thingy UGH

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adultingautistic · 4 years ago

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(09/07) I get frustrated really easily. For example, I can be okay, maybe just a bit stressed about going out, but when I'm adjusting my hair or my outfit it doesn't look like I wanted, so I get nervous. And sometimes it even leads me to a meltdown, or sometimes just like a mini-meltdown. It happens since I was little, though at the time I didn't know I was autistic. But now I'm in my 20s and it seems childish of me to freak out over something so small. I don't know what to do about it

First, I don’t think this is small, and it’s certainly not childish. As autistics, we are judged based on our appearance so much more harshly than allistics ever face. Every single day, from multiple people, we are told that we “look wrong”. We’re standing wrong. We’re walking wrong. We’re using our hands wrong. We’re doing our face wrong. Our voice is wrong. We are scrutinized and judged and made fun of and then told it’s all our fault, for being weird in the first place.

This takes a deep toll on a person. When you’re told every single day that every aspect of who you are is wrong, of course you’re going to start scrutinizing yourself, using those same things the world is teaching you. You’re going to scrutinize your own body, and the way you stand, and the way you express your face, and the way you talk, and the way you dress, and the way you do your hair, because you’re going to try your damndest to make those allistics stop telling you how wrong you are. You try to be perfect, absolutely flawless, so that they have nothing to say to you at all.

When I was in 4th grade (age 9-10), all the kids made fun of my hair because it was messy. I couldn’t brush it, because of sensory sensitivity that made brushing my hair extremely painful. I also couldn’t cut it, because I was afab, and apparently having a shaved head like I wanted was socially worse, somehow (according to my mother) than going to school with long hair in permanent knots.

But I was made fun of so harshly for this, that for all of the summer between 4th and 5th grade, I practiced brushing my hair. It hurt like hell, but I forced myself through it, torturing myself through the tears until I was able to get it totally knot-free, and up into a ponytail. I practiced making that ponytail every day for the whole summer.

When I got to school in 5th grade, I was so proud of my new hair. Nobody was going to make fun of me for not brushing my hair now! And for a few weeks, they really didn’t.

Then one day, and I will never, ever ever forget this day, some of my hair came loose from the ponytail (probably from some normal kid reason, like I was playing on the playground or something), and a boy named Mike said out loud “Why would anyone even want to be friends with Snazzy? She tries to put her hair in a ponytail and it all falls out.”

I was absolutely devastated. I didn’t cry until I got home (I knew better than to cry in school), but then I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, because I had worked so hard, and suffered through immense pain, to make my hair how they wanted, and it still wasn’t good enough.

And so then I doubled down on my hair styling skills. I didn’t just put a hairtie, oh no. First, I put a rubber band, to hold it tightly in place, and then covered it with a standard hair tie. Then I also sprayed it down with hairspray, and I put in clips, and for years and years and years, my hair was flawlessly perfect. People commented on it all the time, about how perfect my hair was. Not a single hair out of place, ever.

And then they made fun of me for that. I was ragged on for being “a perfectionist” and “a tight ass” and kids would rub their hand on my head to mess it up because they thought it was hilarious how I screeched and ran into the nearest bathroom to fix it.

It wasn’t until I turned 30, and came out as nonbinary, that I finally grew the courage tell the whole world to go fuck itself, and I chopped all of that hair off, the hair that had always tortured me, and made me a laughing stock and then it was finally gone, and all I needed to “style” it was to wash it and it spiked on it’s own and I was free.

And then people said to me “You always had such beautiful hair, I don’t understand why you cut it all off.”

And my reply to them? In my own mind? Go fuck yourself.

I am autistic. I will never be what YOU want, so I will be what I want. If you will not accept me, or value me, no matter what I do, then I will accept me and I will value me, and it is MY hair and I will make it how I want it.

And so no, anon. This is not a small thing, and you are far, far from childish. I understand this pain 100%, and I am sorry that you have to face it every single day, when you go to get dressed. You are NOT exaggerating, you are NOT overreacting, and you are not alone, not at all, because I went through this myself, for years and years and years. You deserve absolutely none of the judgement that has ever been placed on you regarding your appearance, and all I can say is that you truly are beautiful, exactly as you are, when you are your true self, that is beautiful, and I hope that one day you will be able to see it for yourself.

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #appearance #social skills #bullying #physical appearance #masking #welp I cried writing that that was painful #ask

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destinyc1020 · 4 years ago

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Maybe it's just me but it seems like the only thing people care about when it comes to Uncharted is how 'hot' and 'sexy' Tom is going to look and it feels a little disrespectful, he said himself that whilst filming he cared too much about looking 'cool' and 'buff' and he didn't like it. Just in general lately I have noticed that the fans have been oversexualizing like every bit of content we get of him, there is a line. I'm just saying we should think about how uncomfortable it could make Tom to read a lot of the sexual comments and majority comments about his looks and body (he's a human being not just flesh and bone) especially as most of his fans are minors.

Ummmm....

Anon if you think that some fans aren't gonna find Tom "hot" and/or "sexy" then you're sadly mistaken lol. 🤣

As long as fans STAY IN THEIR LANE and aren't out here sending him inappropriate dm's, or groping him or saying lewd things to him when they meet him in person, then I don't really see a problem? 🤷🏾‍��️

People are going to find him attractive. Ppl find a ton of celebrities "hot", "cute", "sexy", "gorgeous", "beautiful", etc. And I don't think any fans (at least the ones that have come to my inbox) are saying that Tom is ONLY hot and that's the only thing he has going for him. No way!

How many times have we talked about Tom's kindness in here, or his acting talent, or how funny, sweet, and charming he is? Like we know he's a person. And nobody is putting his looks over those OTHER qualities, cuz I can tell you right now, if he were a JERK, I wouldn't care HOW attractive he was, he would NOT be appealing to me in the least. 😤

If fans find Tom hot or sexy in Uncharted, is that really a crime?? 🥴 We're not blind. Some fans write actual y/n smut about him online, but somehow we're committing a crime for thinking/finding him attractive or voicing it out loud? 🤔 Look, I'm not here to judge anyone for what they choose to write about (OR read), but I just find it funny that finding him attractive is looked down upon, when there are other fans out here who are acting like groupies and stalking him all over the place to try to meet him in person, or fans who bully and say mean things about him repeatedly online, or those who write waaaay more revealing things on the internet about him than anyone on my blog has ever written. Maybe you just meant the fandom just in general, so maybe I'm mistaken with what you were trying to say. You all know I hardly go on Twitter, so if you're seeing stuff on Twitter but all means, plz ss it and send it to me so that I can get the context of what you're talking about. Otherwise, I'm pretty much in the dark. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Re: Uncharted....

When Tom was speaking about him feeling weird about filming Uncharted, to me that was more so due to the fact that he had to be so focused on landing his marks a certain way, looking a certain way, and trying to appear a certain way onscreen, and he's not used to that. This is especially jarring when he had been in a mindset with Cherry where his looks didn't matter at all. He's never had to do a role where he looked "hot" before, so of course it feels weird. It would prob feel weird for anyone tbh. I get the feeling he felt more self-conscious, like maybe a little bit of imposter syndrome. But I never got the impression that he meant that he hates it if fans find him attractive.

BTW, I've been saying that the movie looks like it's going to be a really cool fun action flick, and I'm also looking fwd to seeing Tati in the movie as well. 😊 Just putting that out there.

Anyway....

With that said, I will take your opinion to heart since you brought up an interesting topic. In fact, I think I'll create a POLL about it! Because by all means, I would hate to think that I'm offending some who are reading my blog.

So, look out for a poll soon! 😉

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skullhaver · 4 years ago

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It's 2021, and I'm watching Buffy for the first time.

The Virgil on my Buffy journey is my long-distance girlfriend, who has loved the show for years. We just finished season 4, and I wanted to write about my favorite episodes so far. I suspect some of my faves are beloved by most fans, but others are weird, personal picks. Buffy fandom, please don't come for me.

I thought this post would be short but I was wrong.

Hono(u)rable Mentions: "Band Candy" S3E6 and "Halloween" S2E6

Both these episodes have fun premises where the Scoobies run around Sunnydale after it was upended by zany, chaotic dark forces. "Band Candy" is fun for devil-may-care teen Giles. "Halloween" is fun for 18th-century-ditz Buffy. These are both very good, and are the sorts of episode I can imagine happily rewatching in the future. I just have more to pontificate upon for the other episodes on this list.

10. "Ted" S2E11

I can’t say I enjoyed this episode, but it did take me for a wild ride. Probably nobody else has strong feelings about this weird story where Buffy's mom dates a stereotypical cheesy family man, who turns out to be a controlling abuser, who turns out to be a robot. I remember shouting at the screen, "Did Buffy just kill a human man?? Is it okay in the moral logic of this show for Buffy to kill a human if he's a direct physical threat to her??" I knew Buffy would have deeper stories than the monster of the week formula we'd seen so far, but this early in season 2, I had no idea when or how that would happen. This was the episode that finally taught me that Buffy is largely not interested in moral ambiguity, or in exploring what it means to be good or bad. Except for season-defining exceptions like Faith and Angel, evil characters are simplistically, essentially evil. But it was wild to believe for a moment that Buffy murdered her mom's abusive boyfriend and would have to live with the consequences.

9. "Helpless" S3E12

When Buffy tries to be genuinely scary, it succeeds with aplomb. The premise of this episode is dumb and contrived ("Giles has to remove Buffy's powers without her knowledge for a seeeecret test by the Watcher's Council") but the chase and fight in this episode are some of the most tense and spooky scenes of the whole series so far. Buffy's vulnerability makes the stakes feel real in a way few other episodes manage. And Buffy's victory is all the more satisfying because she can't punch her way out of this problem, she has to be smart and creative. The fridge horror, of course, is that Giles would endanger her like this in the first place, but that gets sorted out over the emotional arc of the next few episodes.

8. "I Only Have Eyes For You." S2E19

Another spooky episode, this one a classic ghost story of forbidden love ending in murder - but with the twist that the ghosts possess people's bodies to have them reenact their final moments. I love stories about breaking a doomed-to-repeat cycle. I love weird shit like the snakes manifesting in the cafeteria. And I really loved the choice to have Buffy and Angel come to understand their feelings about their own relationship by embodying these ghosts - especially how they embodied different genders than their own to better fit the "roles" of the haunting story, thus subverting the expected pattern. I found this episode clever, poignant, and effective.

7. "Who Are You?" S4E16

"Faith and Buffy switch bodies" is a wild premise, but the real joy of "Who Are You?" is watching Sarah Michelle Geller being an extremely talented actress for 45 minutes, portraying a totally different character. Watching Faith confronted by kindness and love from Buffy's mom, Riley, and her friends, then getting launched into an existential crisis over it is so great. Also, I just dig a good church fight.

6. "Hush" S4E10

As stated above, love an episode that reminds me that these people are talented actors! Featuring demons that render all of Sunnydale unable to talk, we get to watch great physical comedy right next to tense, silent fight scenes. The visual creepiness of the Gentleman and their straight-jacketed weird little helpers is hard to beat. "Hush" is such a clever episode that it ascends monster of the week status to become almost Twilight Zone-esque. Also, for the first time, Buffy sees Riley doing his Initiative thing, and Riley sees Buffy being the Slayer, but they can't talk about it?? That's good shit.

5. "The Wish" S3E9

Both "Something Blue" and "The Wish" feel like the writers decided to use fanfic premises on their own show... so obviously I like them a lot. But getting to watch a dark timeline AU with interesting world-building and attention to detail, a hilarious and horrifying Cordelia POV, AND a smirking kinky vampire Willow? Hello?? And the fact that the Wishverse comes up again in "Doppelgänger" (another truly fun episode) only improves my opinion. I imagine this is the kind of episode fans simply love coming back to.

4. "Restless" S4E22

This David Lynch-ass dream sequence was a weird choice for a season finale, but an extremely ambitious and cool episode. I should say up front that I love David Lynch-ass dream shit. There were creative and well-executed scene transitions as characters moved seamlessly from one dream room into another. Several memorably neat shots - Willow running between endless curtains as she tries to get onstage, Buffy alone in a vast desert with a weirdly high camera angle. And I got myself all excited thinking that the First Slayer would maybe become a different kind of antagonist - maybe not even fully revealed in this episode, or maybe an Id-like aspect of Buffy herself. But I forgot Whedon gonna Whedon, so the First Slayer had to be someone Buffy could punch in the end. And the First Slayer is sadly yet another primitive-themed, emotionally-stunted character of color for this show. Most of her lines in this episode are literally voiced by a white woman speaking for her, and of all the dumb quips to make, Buffy had a line about her hair being unprofessional? Also, I'm a lesbian, so the fact that the most explicit act of intimacy between Willow and Tara this show has allowed us to see occurs in Xander's horny dream sequence... it’s unforgivable, Joss. This episode was one of my favorites ever, deeply marred by some bad writing choices.

3. "Lovers Walk" S3E8

Spike, perhaps the best non-Willow character in this show, is back in Sunnydale, a hilariously heartbroken mess of a man, hell-bent on getting his former girlfriend Drusilla back. (Drusilla left him for a fungus demon.) So Spike breaks into a magic shop to get ingredients for a love spell, where he runs into Willow, who is getting ingredients for a de-lusting spell, because she is worried she and Xander will be too thirsty to behave appropriately in public with their actual partners, Oz and Cordelia. This is a hilarious moment just to exist. This is all the episode needed to do to satisfy me. But the fact that Spike then kidnaps Willow, and it ends with tragic stakes of everyone's relationships coming apart, not to mention me genuinely thinking Cordelia was dead for a minute there - wow. Chef’s kiss. The episode is balanced shockingly well between Spike being an ominous villain, and being the sort of lovable semi-evil (more gremlin-like) side character he'll become in season 4. What a wild ride.

2. "Graduation Day" S3E21-22

I'm counting this two part season finale as one because it's my list and I'll do what I want. "Graduation Day" feels like a quintessential Buffy episode executed to perfection. It has Buffy reaffirming her position as a moral heroine, sacrificing her own blood to save Angel's life even when she thought she had to kill Faith to save him. It has Buffy and Faith (or Buffy/Faith, as I prefer to think of them) getting to square off in a dramatic, tough fight. It has a lot of Mayor Wilkins, a character I truly adore for some reason. Nothing like a public administrator who plays mini golf in his office, wants you to chew with your mouth closed, and will kill a graduating class of high schoolers to gain immortality. The catharsis of the whole school getting to fight back against evil, instead of just Buffy against the world - a real joy. This episode misses the top spot for two reasons. "A special vampire poison and the only cure is the blood of a Slayer" is too contrived for me to let slide, and also I had to see Cordelia and Wesley kiss.

1. "Becoming" S2E21-22

Buffy’s season finales really do have good stories and satisfying payoff. First off, Buffy starts this episode by punching a cop and fleeing from the law. Later, Spike also punches a cop. A.k.a., Buffy said blue lives don't matter. Second - I haven't gotten a chance to comment on this yet, but all throughout season 2, evil Angel is such a joy to watch. As regular Angel, David Boreanaz makes exactly one face ("I am a kicked, angsty puppy") and bless his heart, it gets so tiresome. As evil Angel, he is so expressive, dynamic and terrifyingly creative in his badness. And I love his weird threesome energy with Spike and Drusilla. But also, it's so hard to watch Buffy suffer as she deals with her evil boyfriend doing evil things. Her ultimate choice in this episode, to kill Angel even as Willow's spell restores his soul, gave me some real big feels! Also, this episode marks the first moment of Willow doing big, plot-shifting magic on her own, solidifying her transformation from computer nerd to witch!

Also, shout-out to the many good smaller moments in this episode: Spike making awkward small talk with Buffy's mom, Buffy constantly dunking on Principle Snyder, and Giles being tortured by visions of Miss Calendar (RIP Miss Calendar, I was your biggest fan.)

"Becoming" is an excellent season finale and the kind of Buffy episode I imagine I will want to re-watch in the future just for nostalgia's sake.

#buffy the vampire slayer #guess i will tag this and just engage in pvp if it happens #buffy fandom in 2021 i don't know you but please be nice #this was fun to write #i guess i do like this show!

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