#nobody else understands that. i can see past everything and i see the shape of allof us and i want to talk to people about it so they

[nomairuins]

my entire family thinks im crazy now . god . ok . anyways

[bouncybongfairy]

Stress Relief

Bakugou x Fem Reader

Summary: Aizawa offers you extra credit to tutor Bakugou for an upcoming test. Need I say more?

Word Count: 1.5k+

Ref Account: @kaionyx

TW: Rough Smut, Oral Female & Male Receiving, Facial.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Sitting in your room and dissociating never felt so good. It was finally the end of the week and you felt properly chewed up and spit out. Muscles were sore and brain was fried, all you wanted to do was sit in silence. Emptying out your backpack and organizing everything on to your desk. The stress you were under was slowly chipping away at you. Hearing a knock at the door made your eyes roll, the last thing you wanted was to interact with anyone. Wiping the scowl off your face, you go to greet the unwanted guest. The feelings of annoyance quickly turned into insecurity once you saw it was Aizawa and Bakugou. Trying to casually fix your appearance as he began speaking in his monotone voice. 

“Hello, sorry I didn’t mean to come to your dorm directly but this is a time sensitive matter. Bakugou needs a passing grade on this next test, I’m willing to bump your grade up 5% if you agree to help,” he explains, making Bakugou’s frown deepen. 

“Oh of course, we can start right now,” you said, practically beaming. Having your grade pushed up five percent was a God sent gift at this point in the semester. 

“Wonderful, Bakugou, please try to be open to the tutoring,” Aizawa said before walking away. 

You gestured for him to come in, made you feel nervous watching him take in the room. All your posters and collectables are now starting to feel a little dorky. Not really sure what to say, you just sat in silence as he took in your room. You were pretty soft spoken and he was anything but that. It often worried you seeing how dark he was. It was so apparent that his anger issues were coming from a deep wound from the past. When all your friends would gossip, they talked about him with such vascularity and objectification was quite sad. As much as you tried to discourage this, there were times you agreed. The intimidating look he always had written across his face. The way his pent up rage came out during combat training. 

It frustrated you knowing that he could overpower you. Any time you were paired to spar, he always managed to out maneuver you. Pinning you to the ground or wall. As much as it affected the confidence you had in your combat abilities, it made you feel warm and fuzzy. The last time the two of you were sparing, he grabbed your forearm so hard it left a bruise in the shape of his hand. You stared at it in the mirror for a while, confused why you liked it so much. Running your fingertips over the purple and brown blotches. Thinking about the way he looked into your eyes when throwing you to the ground. Walking away with no care or regard for you physically or mentally. It made you melt even though you’d never admit it. The two of you were sitting at your desk, helping him with his English assignment; he was getting frustrated and you were enjoying it a little too much.

“That just doesn’t make any fucking sense. The assignment was to summarize the fucking article. I don’t have to talk about my feelings about it, it’s not even specified!” he said, raising his voice. 

“I could understand you don’t want to give your opinion on it but the teacher isn’t going to accept it until you do. You’re being ridiculous,” you huffed the last part under your breath. 

“Excuse me?” he asked, folding his arms. 

“Nothing, i’m just saying the assignment-” you started but became interrupted. 

“No, go on. Explain why I’m ridiculous, I wanna hear you say it,” he said, furrowing his eyebrows and grinding his teeth. 

“You are ridiculous. Are you so ignorant that you don’t understand how lazy you are? You act like academics is optional and that you can rely solely on your combat. Nobody else will, so I'll be the first to tell you: Thinking physical prowess will get you where you wanna be is stupid and delusional,” you say, starting to pack his papers up. 

“If anyone is stupid and delusional it’s you, we both know the real reason you accepted this little study session,” he scoffs standing up. 

“What do you mean by that?” you ask, knowing exactly what he was implying. 

“Do you think I don’t notice you staring at me? Finding any opportunity to throw yourself at me. I can only imagine what runs through your head while you watch me. I have an idea by the way your cheeks flush and your pupils get wide. The way your body shakes when we spar. It’s stupid and delusional for you to think I'd ever want anything more than your body,” he said, now backing you against the wall.

You weren’t sure what to think, part of you felt like this was him showing his interest in you. Another part of you was worried he was just being cruel. Like he was stringing you along, trying to make you look desperate just to pull away.

“Interesting way to say you want my body, if you wanted me that bad you could just ask,” you patronize. 

“I wouldn’t have too,” he said, grabbing you by the throat and pushing you against the desk. 

You were now halfway sitting on the edge of the desk. Legs dangling off, separated by him grinding against you. Letting go of your hair, holding your face in his hands. The kiss was sloppy and wet, not being able to get enough of each other’s touch. You reached down and ran your hands up his back towards his shoulder. Lightly scratching down as he started kissing your neck. Nipping and sucking hickies on you, his heavy breathing giving your body goosebumps. Your hands begin to wander, fingers dipping into the back of his pants. Tracing all the way around, stopping when you felt his happy trail. He sits back on the office chair and stares you down. This makes you blush, sliding off  and onto your knees. Your body was slightly under the desk, he took your glasses off and set them down.. 

Genuinely being gentle, which made you feel more safe to be vulnerable and vulgar. Taking his tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue around him. He moaned softly as he collected your hair in his hand. Using the other to stroke your cheek and face. Eventually you start bobbing your head up and down. Looking up and watching his reaction, he huffs and grunts that pour out of his mouth. His eyebrows furrowed together and sweat started to bead on his forehead. Feeling him get harder and harder as things started getting more sloppy. His hands were getting rougher, both of them now laced in your hair. Helping fuck your head down on his shaft faster. Cursing and moaning, starting to buck his hips. Making you gag around and spit around his cock. He pulls you by the hair off him with a loud pop sound. Grabbing himself to smack and rub his tip against your lips as he tips over the edge. Covering your mouth and chin with his cum. 

Expecting him to be done but being taken off guard when he grabs your jaw. Bringing you to his level and smashes his lips against yours. Moaning into the kiss, being taken completely by surprise from how brazen he was being. He pulls away, a mix of saliva and his cum dripping down both your mouths. Standing up, he grabs your waist and lifts you on the desk. Sitting back down and spreading your legs, using his fingers to massage your clit. Moving down and eventually pushing a finger inside you. Bringing his lips down and starting to eat you out. Flicking his tongue, moaning as he felt you tighten around his fingers. Increasing the speed of both his hands and mouth. Stroking himself off, seeing you in so much pleasure was making his cock feel touch starved. Reaching your hands down and pulling and yanking. His hair was sweaty and you could feel him breathing hard against your core. 

You tried holding back your orgasm as long as possible, wanting to enjoy the pleasure before becoming overly sensitive. He pushes a third finger which makes you fall  over the edge. Feeling the walls of your cunt spasm and tighten makes him cum for a second time. Standing from his chair, rubbing his tip against your clit while continuing to finger you. Making eye contact as his warm cum covers your lower stomach. Resting your foreheads together, trying to catch your breath. He almost dozed off but eventually realized it was getting late. You were passed out, not wanting to wake you up, he carries you to the bed. Grabbing a towel and wiping you down. He didn’t want to go through your clothes, so he slipped his tee-shirt over you. Walking out in his tanktop, Kirishima gave him a side eye as he left your room.

[dragonologist-phd]

Six-Song Soundtrack

tagged by @herearedragons!! tysm, this was so much fun- i love playlist games, the hardest part is narrowing it down to just one song for each!

Rules: If you're tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following:

An event that defines your character's past

How your character sees themselves

How others view them

Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

A major fight scene

End credits song

And since it's a playlist game, i gotta do it for my lovely beautiful bard!

Piper Soundtrack:

Blush - Dessa

Metaphor - The Crane Wives

Feeling Good - Nina Simone

All I've Ever Known - Hadestown Soundtrack // You're Not Going Alone - The rough & Tumble

Shatter Me - Lindsey Stirling, Lizzy Hale

Free - Florence + The Machine

(rambling about song choices below)

Blush - Dessa

I'll be Your favorite me Mostly carefree Laughs easily But what you can't see In my routine Is how hard it gets to keep the heartbeat clean ... I think I'm done up on the tight rope I want a love that feels like more than just survival

As a young woman, Piper possessed beauty, grace, and a gift for music. This combination drew the attention of Eliyen Ivaris, an elegant noblewoman who hired on the tiefling bard as a court performer, and soon became her lover.

Eliyen treasured Piper's music and beauty, but it soon became clear she wasn't interested in much beyond. Piper knew this yet stayed, nervous about leaving the security of her position. Finally, the day came when she could not stand to be stifled any longer, and she disappeared with a small fortune in stolen treasures. This relationship- and the consequences of her thievery- stayed with her for some time.

Metaphor - The Crane Wives

I've gotten good at making up metaphors I've gotten good at stretching the truth out of shape And all these words are sweet and meaningless You can't trust a single thing I say

We know her as Piper, but before the Crusades she was Lark. Lyra. Cantrelle. Aria. She was an endless supply of names and stories, and she knew how to get by on nothing more than her golden voice and silver tongue. It was easy- she just had to become what people wanted, until the winds changed and it was time for her to disappear into another mask.

Feeling Good - Nina Simone

Fish in the sea, you know how I feel River running free, you know how I feel Blossom on the tree, you know how I feel It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life for me And I'm feeling good

And speaking of masks- a song for the valiant Knight-Commander! The beautiful, free-spirited Azata, full of confidence and joy, bringing hope to the people and new life to the blighted lands!

The picture she paints isn't false... but very few people know just how much she's making this all up as she goes

All I've Ever Known - Hadestown Soundtrack

You take me in your arms And suddenly there's sunlight all around me Everything bright and warm And shining like it never did before And for a moment I forget Just how dark and cold it gets All I've ever known is how to hold my own All I've ever known is how to hold my own But now I wanna hold you

You're Not Going Alone - The rough & Tumble

You can stand there stricken at your old front door, Or shake the dust you swore you’d hold You may not belong here, anymore, But you’re not going alone

ok i did do two for this one! had to, sorry

First one is for Arue- her sunshine in the storm, the gentle, brave woman who fills Piper's life with love. She's still amazed they get to be together, and she wouldn't trade their love for the world

And one for Woljif! Piper's best friend; they understand each other on a level nobody else does, and they accidentally help each other become better just by being there

For someone who's been alone so much of her life, Piper can't help but feel blessed to have those two in her life

Shatter Me - Lindsey Stirling, Lizzy Hale

If I break the glass then I'll have to fly There's no one to catch me if I take a dive

This song specifically makes me think of Piper in the Abyss, storming the Fleshmarkets and freeing everyone she can, solidifying the change in her alignment from Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Good. It's suitably dramatic and the violin here makes for some great bard battle music!

Free - Florence + The Machine

Is this how it is? Is this how it's always been? To exist in the face of suffering and death And somehow still keep singing? ... 'Cause I hear the music, I feel the beat And for a moment, when I'm dancing I am free

And this one just seems like a nice closing song! Very suited for Piper, especially as she embraces herself and her life, with all the good and bad that comes with it

if you actually read through all that, god bless. thanks for sticking around!

tagging:

@bugdotpng @dujour13 @camelliagwerm @mordred9971 @orime-stories

@first-talon @miseryscrowned @bladesmitten @big-cheesy-productions @arendaes

@bezelusbubulez @starlightcleric @vigilskept @thesolemnhour @ampleappleamble

@rollofleaf @adozentothedawn @undyingembers @thefathersbride @milesmentis

@serenbach86 @jean-dieu @daisymeade @kaleido-scope-lady

tag list here!

[nomoreusername]

The Bare Minimum

Pairing:Aris x female reader

Summary:As other girls keep giving Aris a rough time you do everything you can to comfort him.

“You’re okay now,”I repeated, stroking his hair. He didn't say anything as more tears fell from his eyes. Despite it being hours since they had pushed him into the lake I could still feel him shaking and hear his teeth chattering.

“I don't know what I did,”He said through hiccuped sobs.

“You didn't do anything,”I promised, wrapping my blanket a little tighter around him as we stayed in the corner of my hut.

“I didn't even see what they looked like.”

“I know, love. I know.”

“I’m not here to hurt anyone, and I haven't done anything wrong,”He uttered, his voice straining from the past three hours of crying his heart and soul out, until there was nothing that he had left to give.

“I know.”

“Why doesn't anyone else then?”He mumbled.

“I don't know, but it's not your fault. Okay? Nobody chose to be here. You didn't choose to be here.”

“I can't take this anymore. I’m sick of them. I'm sick of everyone but you,”He whispered as I traced shapes on his shoulders.

“That’s not true. You’ve got Sonya and Harriet, right?”I reminded him. He didn't say anything as he pulled his knees to his chest while keeping his head on my lap.

“This place isn't my home. Not the way it's yours, and it never will be,”He murmured, resting his hands on my knee while remaining curled up in a ball.

“I’m going to get you out of here, okay? I’ll find us a way through the Maze. I don't know how long it will take, but it will happen,”I promised.

“Unless they kill me by then,”He mumbled.

“I won't let anyone hurt you.”

“You can't be in the Maze and in the Spring with me. Even if you could, you can't be there every second of the day,”He reminded me.

“Aris, I will be by your side every minute that I can. I won't let something happen to you. Do you understand?”

“You can't do that. You're just one person, Y/N,”He sighed as I pressed my hand to his cheek. Taking it, he fidgeted with my fingers, tracing his between mine and on my palm.

“I can try,”I repeated.

“I know you will, but that doesn't mean it will work.”

“Then, I’ll have to try harder,”I stated simply.

“Just don't blame yourself if it's not enough,”He whispered.

“You know me better than that,”I sighed.

“I do, but it was worth a shot,”He mumbled, still keeping my hand in his. Looking down at him, I let him go deep into his mind as I kept thinking about how I would handle this.

Right now though, wasn't the time to actually go into detail. He's here, and he's alright. A little shaken up, but he's alive. He's breathing and not covered in blood.

It may be the bare minimum, but right now it would have to be enough.

[linkspooky]

hello♥ I loved your and psycho's recent analysis posts about gojo after 236 because they made me realize I've kinda misunderstood him as a character for awhile. one thing I was wondering : how would you explain gojo's line about "nobody will have to be alone again" in the context of gojo consciously choosing to put a degree of separation between himself and others? and if he only fights for himself, why does he care about saving the youth of kids or raising the next gen of sorcs?

The answer to this question, like most questions with Gojo is "it's complicated."

Gojo himself says that he chose to draw a line between himself and others as living beings, and even if they loved him he never expected them to understand him. Yet, when talking with Shoko he says that he's doing all this so no one will ever be left alone again. If Gojo was the one who decided to separate himself from others then why phrase it like he was the one being left in the dust?

In this scene he's likely referring to Geto as the one who was "left alone" rather than himself. We know almost nothing about Gojo's childhood except for the three years of his youth in high school, because in story those are the only backstory details that matter to his present motivation. We're shown his high school days because his present motivation as an adult is all about what happened to him in his youth, that's what shaped him the most as a character. That's also what informs the audience about his character.

If Gojo's own springtime of youth had not been ruined, it's likely Gojo would never have worried about students or gone into teaching, if only because Gojo is not like Geto. He doesn't worry about ideology or right and wrong the way that Geto does. The purpose of Nanami's statement saying that Gojo only ever wielded Jujutsu for himself not to protect anything else, is to point out the fact Gojo enjoys being a sorcerer. It's the hardest job on earth for everyone else, but because Gojo is so untoucahbly strong for him it's a chance to flex his ability at the thing he's best at. Gojo enjoys being a sorcerer, and besides being dragged down by the burden of protecting weak people he likely would never have noticed what was wrong with society as a whole had it not impacted him and Geto.

As for his statement about never leaving anyone else alone, it's likely Gojo's attempt to try to understand what went wrong with Geto and the reasons for why Geto defected. Gojo doesn't worry about ideals after all so he can understand there is something wrong with the sorcery world, but not why Geto would risk his life for a completely impossible ideal. He just knows that something went wrong with Geto and in a year of Geto spiraling he didn't notice until it was too late.

Gojo's understanding of the situation is likely that the reason he wasn't able to notice what went wrong with his best friend was because of the sudden power difference between them. Geto even lambasts him for this, calling him arrogant for calling killing humans impossible when it's something that someone at Gojo's power level could currently do. Gojo therefore accidentally calling attention to the fact that him and Geto are on different levels now by pointing out that Gojo isn't strong enough to carry out his ideal of a world of only sorcerers.

Gojo seems to think where his friendship went wrong with Geto was when Gojo became so powerful that Geto could no longer keep up with him anymore. In general because Gojo has always been so powerful that being a sorcerer doesn't wear down on him like it does other people, he probably thinks something along the lines of if Geto had siply been stronger in the past then Geto never would have been worn down and snapped as hard as he did. It's Gojo misunderstanding a relationship built on empathy and understanding because he sees everything through the lens of being a sorcerer. At some point Geto stopped being someone constantly around him and started being alone, and Gojo's trying to rationalize why that happened through the way he sees the world.

I think Gojo cares about the youth for multiple reasons, number one he genuinely does believe in his ideal of protecting children because the three years of his schooldays were the only time he felt like a human being. Number two, a more pragmatic execution of his desire to change the world of sorcery. It's easier for him to start from the bottom up by changing the next generation. If he just slaughters everyone on top he'll be viewed as a tyrant and they might even team up against him and fight back against him. It's easier for Gojo who wants to exist in the world of sorcery, to try to work from inside. Youths are also easier to make as his political allies because (this is Gojo being really pragmatic here) they're more impressionable.

The last part is where he projects both himself and his failures in his youth onto the next generation, and is trying to correct those things. He had a year to seek out Megumi after hearing Toji's dying request and only did so after Geto's defection. Gege's word of god confirms he only took an interest in Megumi because he was a strong student with potential, but I believe he saw a lot of Geto in Megumi.

Before this Gojo says "but... it looks like me being strong isn't enough, I can only save those who are prepared to be saved." Gojo likely intervened earlier with Megumi, because he thought there was nothing he could do for Geto who had already reached what Gojo dubbed beyond a point of no return. However, he could still help someone who was in Megumi's stage who wouldn't refuse any help like Geto did.

However, Gojo's way of helping Megumi is misguided formed by Gojo's own misunderstanding. He tells Megumi to get strong otherwise he'll be left behind, because he believes part of the problem with Geto is that he simply wasn't strong enough to keep up with Gojo.

It's Gojo's central misunderstanding, he wants to have equals but he doesn't want to have to stoop down to other people's level or get off his pedestal so instead he seeks to bring people up to his level. If he could create a group of intelligent allies who were on his level, not only would he finally have someone on his level but it's in their best interest too because they wouldn't suffer Geto's fate.

If Geto had simply been able to keep up with him, Geto never would have gotten lost and his friend would still be here.

[i-sveikata]

Hey author! How are you? I hope the writing is going well! I have a simple but a deep question. Why did Vegas love Pete? I mean besides the obvious attraction, what made Vegas love Pete? What was about him that was so special?

hey anon!!! im good thanks hope you are too!!!

besides the obvious attraction, i think it's actually pretty close to a lot of the reasons pete has previously analysed in the fic as the source of vegas' obsession with him.

but i think the most significant one is pete has seen the absolute worst of vegas, the monster that he believes he is, and is the only person to not flinch away or treat him with disgust or try to kill him for existing. pete accepts him. in a way that everyone else vegas has ever been around or reached out to hasnt. and hes the first one to not turn their back on him- to just give up on vegas because thats the path of least resistance. like yeah of course pete wants some of his behaviours to improve (and they only did so because vegas realised he didnt want the safehouse dynamic- he wanted something real and was actually receptive to that) but hes not trying to intrinsically change vegas as a person.

for someone who has been treated like a monster all of his life, rejected and spurned and hated to have someone see him as he is without judgement or hatred or pity that is an impossibly powerful thing to vegas. like no lie pete literally is a lifeline extended to vegas and even after everything is still here (ive mentioned in past posts that there have been people who have treated vegas kindly throughout his life- the lady who worked in their kitchens before kan fired her for example- but these are all fleeting encounters before his father caught wind and sent them away to keep vegas isolated).

i think after kan's obsession with porsche's mum and how it twisted him up inside he truly believed that love was such a terrible weakness that he wanted to stamp it out of vegas- wanted to convince him not only that he's incapable of love but that anyone else is also incapable of loving him also.

so vegas understanding of himself is a combo of his father's cruelty and how that has shaped his self worth. so the significance of pete- standing alone outside of all of these preconceived beliefs- and proving them wrong by virtue of still sticking around and not fleeing from him. by not rejecting vegas but treating him with compassion along with the expectation that vegas can improve his behaviour and be in a functioning romantic relationship and have emotional and social connections like this when hes been told that nobody would ever willingly choose him.

even if pete is unable to admit to his own feelings, vegas knows enough to pick up on pete's care of him, his intention to treat him gently when nobody else would have ever thought to before. to bring vegas into his home, around his family and trust that vegas can be accepted amongst them. to have saved his little brother without even needing to be asked- pete shoring up vegas' weaknesses and sharing in his burdens in a way that vegas cant write off as obligation (in the same way he might of how deeply macau loves and admires him like vegas self worth can only tie that up into expectation and obligation of blood ties and family- not love). because after all the horrible things hes done to pete, pete would never be obliged to do a single thing for him ever again- so vegas can't convince himself of petes actions being anything but genuine. all of these acts whilst seeming like small things are HUGE for vegas who has never experienced it before.

so essentially pete makes him feel human in a way that he hasnt felt for a ridiculously long time and being with pete is a huge step in the right direction of vegas finally recognising what hes been taught about himself from his father since childhood might not necessarily be true. and being able to understand that hes done monstrous things (which id argue is the most human part of us all even if we dont always act on it) but he can still grow and be better. petes treatment of him is a lifeline for now but his love of pete is something that proves hes capable of more- and also profoundly affects pete in a way that prevents him from dismissing his own value. even after all the horrible things vegas has inflicted on him - hes also having an extremely positive affect on how pete views his treatment of himself too. like vegas is helping to fill in the gaps that pete left in his own life and reasoned that approach was fine i.e the lack of sexual gratification but especially his lack of value in his own life. the pete at the end of this fic will be a pete that would never obediently agree into sending himself to infiltrate an enemy's household with the possibility of being caught and killed. so they really have both negatively and positively made a colossal impact on each other's lives.

i mean i could go on forever about this lol but i'll stop here because this is getting very long hahaha. hope that answers most of your question!

[raccoonfallsharder]

blackmail material (almost-smut for your monday ♡)

part three is so close to being done and i’m actually really happy with it. just had to shake off my commitment to my original concept/opening (will recycle that later or share as-is here).

⭑ read parts 1 & 2 (18+ only & mind the ao3 tags)

⭑ part 3 will be posted on monday, october 23

see behind the cut for a little taste though because mondays are rough and you deserve something nice.

“I wish everyone was nice to you,” you tell him frankly.

Rocket makes a scoffing noise, and then goes quiet. When he speaks again, his voice is measured. Careful. “Quill’s been getting on my last frickin’ nerve this past cycle.”

Since the Night of the Vibrator, you think. Your brow creases. “At least nobody else has said anything. Or have they? To you?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think they know. But Quill - he’s been giving me dirty looks for rotations now.”

You scowl. “I want dirty looks,” you say. “He’s been giving me these wounded-puppy stares and lecturing me.”

He snickers. “I was thinkin’.”

“Oh no,” you say lightly, and you can practically hear him roll his eyes. When he doesn’t go on, you prompt him with another little bump to his shoulder. “What were you thinking?”

You hear him make a sound with his tongue on his teeth, like he’s almost regretting saying anything at all. But then he speaks: a study in forced casualness. The words grind softly against the night-cold air, leaving little bits of gravel and frost-chips in their wake.

“Might as well do something to deserve ‘em.”

You grow still. It’s not so much a freezing - it’s just that the movement evaporates off your skin and everything inside you goes very quiet, like the wind dropped out of a blossoming branch. Slowly - carefully - you turn to face him. Your eyes strain through the darkness, searching, trying to find something in his face that you can read in the shadows. A moth floats between you and the passing light sweeps over him. His face is all carelessness - on the surface. You think, if you could see him more clearly, you’d be able to tell how much of it is a sham.

You hear him swallow, and yeah, that confirms it. Your heart aches a little for his uncertainty. You tuck your knees in and roll onto your hip. His face snaps toward you. This close, you can see him a little more clearly: soft and shadowed, but features visible. Eyes wide. You wait for a heartbeat - a pulse - then continue your path: slowly slinging one leg up and over his lap, giving him time to change his mind or shove you away. But he doesn’t, and you carefully rest your wrists on his shoulders: twisting one hand sideways so you can card through the fur on the back of his neck, and flexing the other one downward so you can slip your fingertips delicately under the collar of his jumpsuit. You avoid the metal buttons and bolts on his back, just stroking the top of his shoulderblade delicately. Your weight is balanced on your knees and shins, and from this angle, he’s eye-level with your breasts, their shape muffled by the soft folds of your loose sweatshirt.

His hands come up instinctively. You feel them fumble at your waist - then grip the folds of your sweatshirt at your hips, like he’s not sure what to do with them. Not for any lack of appetite or direction, you think. No - it feels like he’s still uncertain what he’s allowed to do.

If Rocket could see inside your pretty head, he’d be able to tell you that you’re right. Not that he would tell you that. But of course you’re right, he’d think. You’ve made it your silly mission to know him so well, to understand as many little pieces as he’s given you, and even more he’d never meant to drop along the way. And no matter how blind you are in the moment, Rocket can see you perfectly well. He knows exactly where he wants his hands: digging his fingers deep into the plush curve of your ass, getting his palms full of you and squeezing ‘til you whine. He’d already filed his claws two rotations ago, just in case he got fuckin’ lucky enough to get his hands on you again. A pipe dream, he’d thought at the time - but here he frickin’ is, grateful he’d done it anyway.

And now you’ve got your pretty tits in his face, just a layer of fabric away - maybe one of those pathetic little bras underneath, like it could protect you from his teeth if he wanted to get at ‘em. He can hear your heartbeat: a little throbbing thud drumming against your breastbone, picking up speed.

You tilt into him, pressing your soft mouth to the crown of his head, then curl at your waist and dip your face so you can drop another kiss at the corner of his mouth. He shudders. You reach into that glowing space above your solar plexus, and draw up all your courage like a shimmery champagne-silver filament of light. You spool it into the base of your throat and then thread it into your words, your voice.

“Okay,” you tell him. “Let’s do something to deserve them.” You fight to keep your breath steady, but it’s already shivering and silvered, soft as moth wings. You try to mask it with a wink. “All the dirty looks and woeful lectures.”

@evolvingchaoswitch ♡ @wren-phoenix ♡ @pretty-chips ♡ @suicidalshitstick

[heliianth]

actually bc im never gonna shut up abt it while im still on this im gonna ramble abt botw and totk and maybe how i wouldve written a sequel . & i will pay u money to listen i promise

my favoritest of totks ideas are what it expands from botw. botws whole atmosphere is drowned in quiet mourning. something bad has happened but it was a long time ago. it still hurts but theres nothing to be done now but move forward. something is still missing but all you can do is find something else. nobody has resources to rebuild and you can hear deafening echoes of better times but the alternative is giving up. you are in this frozen state of not quite moving on and not quite in despair. like the numbness stage of grief. and the pivotal element of all of that is that link is alone. like, oppressively alone. its the primary vehicle of conveying this mood. and its interesting because this can be read not only as what link is experiencing through the player but what zelda is feeling as she holds back ganon. its an interesting contrast to have zelda mature faster than link in the flashbacks, only for link to pull her the rest of the way by growing himself

and the reason why i so strongly adore the light dragon aspect of the plot is because it shows how attached to everything zelda has gotten. arguably, zelda held back ganon in botw because she loved link. in totk, she becomes the light dragon because she loves hyrule, which had previously been so unimaginably cruel to her. the crux of her character is learning that attachment is good. loving is good. you deserve to leave an imprint on the world in a shape of Your choosing instead of being another factory print on a paper. on a surface level, shes making the same choice, but the motivation and growth behind it is really powerful

i could waffle for literally ever about all that and the point is that totk takes these ideas and implements them really well through in-game worldbuilding and specifically zelda turning into the light dragon. i would occasionally get extremely emotional just seeing how things have expanded because it feels like the world is finally moving on. theres a catharsis in seeing hyrule finally heal after knowing its desolation so intimately, especially because the state of the land itself is such a strong parallel to the arcs of the two main characters, so you get the sense that not only can people move on, link and zelda specifically have started to as well. thats my favorite part

thats why i think its an odd choice that they decided on a time travel plot. if zelda HAS to be the one getting saved, if she cant be a companion in some way either via sheikah facetime or spirit tracks shenanigans or whatever, there are lots of ways to do this without her being magic fruit snacked ten bajillion years into the past. why spend all this effort intertwining her and link with the land, only to remove her from the equation and have no further growth? in botw its understandable that hyrule is stagnant and only changes when link does because zelda is stagnant and link is doing the one changing during the game. in totk its the opposite. there are lots of ways to do this with out Having to play as zelda (though honestly that would be the way id go about it)

also a lot of my own ideas have to do with the wasted potential of a place like the depths???? what the hell do you mean theres this mind bogglingly big cavern underneath the entirety of hyrule which mysterious people used to live in and it has almost no story relevance beside being a cool setpiece???????? I FEEL INSANE?!?!??!?!? there are so many good ideas in totk that never get expanded dude FUCK

i think no matter how much i speculate and draft my own preferences of how i wouldve liked totk to elaborate on the things it introduces i cant ever bring myself to present them like they couldve realistically happened and gotten thru the nintendo writing room simply bc of the games format. if it were up to me doing certain story missions would radically change the open world as events happened in real time and thats not the MO of the game's design philosophy. honestly totk's biggest enemy is the memory system and i need to kill it with fire

[poppyseedfics]

Hii anon, thank you for requesting!! Since I fucked up by accidentally posting this earlier, I used a nice screenshot of your ask!

With a Crush HCs

HiMERU

HiMERU had never expected to feel this way about someone. The feelings of adoration and love for someone else. Yet, he still caught those feelings for none other than you!

Though he would never allow him to show it around his unitmates, he knows full well what kind of reaction he would get from them and he doesn’t want to have to deal with that.

Still, he can’t help but glance over in your direction whenever he walks past you, nearly letting go of his stoic expression while doing so.

Whenever he sees you, when he is around you, he can’t control the way he softens up a bit more than usual. Not to mention how awe-stricken he is by how wonderful you are.

The way his heart skips a beat when you look at him, those eyes that he can’t seem to look away from. Ironically, he seems to genuinely get lost in your eyes every time.

Then there’s the way you always seem to look amazing, always. No matter what other people might say about you, to him you can’t go wrong. Even if you yourself think you look bad, he will “subtly” tell you otherwise, he doesn’t want you to think about yourself like that.

But it isn’t just your looks that make him feel like this, far from it even. He loves you for you, your little habits, the way you carry yourself, even your flaws. Everything about you is what makes him love you.

To him, you are the world, the most important. Though, he won’t let it get in the way of his work of course. He is still an idol, it has to be his priority, he can’t let a crush get in the way of it.

Even so, he feels that this might be more than just a simple crush. No, he hopes that it isn’t just a crush, he would love to be together with you!

Now if only he’d tell you how he feels, but with his work, he is afraid of setting himself and you up for heartbreak.

Arashi Narukami

Arashi is head over heels for you, completely and totally. You know those pink-tinted heart-shaped glasses?? Yeah, she is wearing those. Figuratively of course, but if she had a pair she would never take them off.

She isn’t afraid of showing her adoration for you either, subtly asking you out on a date without asking you out on a date? Always! She will make everything a date if she can.

From going to a cute little cafe to have drinks together, to inviting you to all of Knights’ lives, to taking you out shopping and picking out the prettiest outfits for you. She will do everything she can to spend time with you♡.

Of course, since she isn’t afraid of showing her love for you, it isn’t a secret to others either that she has the biggest crush ever on you. Reactions from her unitmates range from being happy for her to sometimes being annoyed at her because she won’t shut up about you at all, though they do all care and love seeing her so happy.

However, she doesn’t care about them being annoyed once in a while! Why would she ever stop talking about you?? You’re the most wonderful person ever to her.

Oh how she wishes that she could spend even more time with her, but she has to do her work and you have to do yours. She understands that, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss seeing you.

The way you can make her heart flutter whenever she spots you is something nobody has ever made her feel, it makes her flustered.

Of course she would love to ask you out, but she is worried that she won’t have enough time for you if you actually get in a relationship. What if her work suddenly gets in the way of everything, making you two drift apart? She doesn’t want things to eventually end that way.

Not to mention the fact that she doesn’t know if you like her back. I mean, sure you let her drag you everywhere and always accept to hang out whenever she asks, but that’s what friends do!

I guess she has been obvious with how she feels about you in that aspect, so hopefully you already caught on as to what is happening. Still, she doesn’t want to take your friendship for granted or make you uncomfortable by sharing her feelings for you.

But in the event that you do like her back, she would be the happiest woman on earth. She wouldn’t hesitate to give you even more attention and affection than she already does.

She absolutely loves and adores you and one day she will find the opportunity to tell you about her feelings. Once she is certain that it won’t hurt you or her.

[open-hangar]

New Akkadian Lore Yushamin Ep. 22

SABBI VOLUNTEER RECORDS

باسم الحياة العظيم، عندما نجتمع معًا تحت النجوم اللامتناهية بأيدٍ وقلوبٍ مفتوحة

Name: Ahmad Dawoud

Place of Origin: [REDACTED]

Birth Date: [REDACTED]

Height and Weight: [UNIMPORTANT]

Assignment: Ashurbanipal Special Protection Unit [WHY ARE YOU ASKING] Unit Gim or anything else it’s fine

Etc.: Access is not limited. He’s good at his job, don’t worry about it.

Ahmad was always disappointed that the elevator didn’t have music. Elevators are supposed to have music, right? Cute, inoffensive songs that go in and out of your head while you’re not paying attention. Slipping through your mind while you assume it was always supposed to. He always appreciated that.

“Hey, computer?”

As the elevator the teen boy was riding slid ever downward, the computer that tracked everything gave a slight “beep” to acknowledge him.

“Can I get a little tune?”

“Invalid command.”

“Maybe ‘Spanish Flea’ by Herb Alpert.”

“Invalid command.”

“But not their version, a version with the lyrics. I always liked the lyrics.”

“Invalid command.”

“Gosh, you’re no fun. It goes like, ‘There was a little Spanish flea, a record star he thought he’d be,’ you know the rest, right?”

“Invalid command. Now arriving at [REDACTED BY SABBI]”

“Wow, they even redact the announcements. Oh well, open up please.”

The standard laser light show flashes through the inside of the elevator, and the computer claims, “One occupant detected. Provide identification.”

Ahmad playfully gives a show of patting his pockets and trying to find his ID lanyard before shrugging. “Oops, guess I forgot it in my other pants.”

A click. A whir. Another click. A few beeps that nobody has ever heard that computer make before. And then, suddenly,

“Khamala Habib confirmed.”

The teen snaps his fingers as he leaves the elevator, and makes a clicking sound with his mouth. “Thanks, baby doll. Stay sexy.”

“Invalid command.”

Ahmad had arrived on a section of the Library that a very small select few knows exists, and even fewer have clearance for. It is primarily an empty space which was once shaped like a massive egg, but now has been rebuilt and repurposed. Its sole use is to now hold the glass dome that contains what Ahmad only knows is referred to as the PCB, and must be eliminated for the good of the true inheritors of the planet. He, however, is interrupted by a loud gunshot.

Ahmad reaches around to his back, and feels the burning hole in the back of his shirt, and then sticks a finger into the new hole where his spine would be. He then checks his front to see if there’s an exit wound. Nope, the bullet’s still in there. “Well, now, that’s just rude.” He turns around to face his attacker and sees Rami in a cleansuit, holding a pistol pointed at him. “You’re not taking another step closer to that dome.”

“Rami, my man! My guy! You know I’d love to play those little adult games you like to play, but unfortunately I-”

Another gunshot, this time in Ahmad’s chest. The bullet slips past where his sternum would be and cleanly wedges somewhere where a lung would be expected.

The teen’s look of understanding, like most of his expressions, carries a bit of irony behind it, but this time it also carries a small hint of anger. “Yeah, I get it, okay? You’re angry that I seduced Waheeda when you had a thing for her. She’s way too young for you, but you know, feelings are feelings, right? So how about you quit wasting my time with those bullets.”

Rami’s bloated figure walks towards Ahmad, unafraid. “The bullets are laced with weaponized chargon. You’ll be dead soon.”

“No, they aren’t,” Ahmad replied with zero hesitation. “I know you ran out of weaponized chargon with Ptahil. Even if you brought in every Lanzer in the solar system and had them fart on me simultaneously, it wouldn’t stop me.”

Walking backwards with his eyes still on his former handler, he explains, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, my genetic coding is telling me to let whatever’s in this glass dome out. Toodles!”

Rami’s mind raced. He had to find a way to stall him for a little longer, no matter what. “Wait, you don’t even know? You’re just going off instinct?”

“Heh, yeah! Duh, same as you, same as everyone. We all work our asses off to stay alive. It’s all to eat healthy food, sleep in a safe space, meet a good mate.” He then smirks. “Although in your case, that last one has some unique caveats.”

Another gunshot.

“Okay, okay, I’m done with the age difference jokes. Look, my point is that it doesn’t matter why I know that breaking your little glass dome is better for the planet. I just do. I’m sure you think it sucks for your little dead-end species, but it’s better for everyone else. Just lay back and let it happen.”

Rami continues to follow the boy. “But how do you know? What if what’s in there spells the end for you, too?”

Ahmad squints. “You’re funny. You think you can trick me with words. Alright, I’ll bite. Tell me what’s in there.”

The adult sighs. This might be the only way to stop him. “Computer. Disable outer film.”

A loud beep cuts through the stale, empty air, followed by a curt “Confirmed.”

The glass dome’s glossy exterior shimmers and disappears, showing its contents. A single vaguely humanoid figure, glowing bright green with a purple interior. With the film gone, the entire room seems to fill with a burning radiation, and the walls glow bright with prismatic paint and etchings, filling the space with a blinding light.

“There it is. The Primordial Chargon Being. The origin of all life on our planet. And now that the film is gone, I can’t step any closer without throwing years of my life away, even in this cleansuit. Have at it.”

Ahmad could only look with astonishment. “Adam…” The figure seems afraid, almost cowering from him. It’s impossible to view any sort of emotion on the figure, but it definitely is afraid. The teen presses his hands against the glass, and begins to pound on it, weaker and weaker as his energy is drained away. He is rightfully confused, a simple manmade structure should crumple under the strength of any Uthra. “But…” He slides to the ground, tired.

The teen lifts his shirt, and sees his torso liquidizing. If one were to squint, they would likely see the squirming mass carrying his consciousness wither and die as they turn into puddles of waste chargon. With every death, Ahmad can feel it becoming harder to think, to focus, to understand what’s going on around him.

“We extracted the weaponized chargon from Aleph’s blood. We can rebuild everything, no matter how many of you keep coming. Mankind cannot, will not let you win.”

The dying Uthra could only chuckle as he coughed up what was blood to him. “Yeah, but I know how you are. Even if we give up, you can’t keep sleeping dogs lie. You’re sitting on a ticking time bomb… and you know it.”

His eyes close and open slowly, his breaths slow.

“One more thing, though… Do me a favor… Tell Waheeda… I really did want to try her cookies.”

Art by @nebularobo

[queermania]

I think you don't really understand what it's like to be an adult that grew up with your bodily autonomy repeatedly violated and in a situation of extreme psychological abuse. Those types of things warp your experiences when you're an adult. Sam had his autonomy violated as an infant and it colors everything that happens to him after. He spends the rest of his life trying to regain his autonomy and it's understandable that there are times he would want to give-up because that's how that kind of abuse warps your brain. He should be able to be open about that without having his autonomy taken away.

1. you are making assumptions about my life and my experiences simply because i have not come to the same conclusion about something as you have. but you have no idea what experiences have shaped the way i approach this issue. and frankly, it's a little insulting that you think you do.

2. your experiences and your feelings about those experiences do not change what is actually happening to you. they influence how you react to what is happening to you. the fact that sam had his autonomy violated at any given point in time does not mean that it's happening again every single time something bad happens to him.

3. there's this concerning view that a lot of sam stans seem to have that because sam was a victim when he was a baby, he is now and forevermore a victim in perpetuity. he has no personhood and it's not possible for him to ever have any agency. he is tainted and he's going to spend the rest of his life repenting for something that happened to him. and you know, i kind of get it, because that is clearly how sam feels about the situation. but that doesn't make it the truth.

and if that's something you relate to, that's great! it's wonderful to find characters and stories that we see pieces of ourselves in. but i hope one day you're in a safe enough place, both mentally and materially, that you are able to accept that a.) you don't need to repent for the things that were done to you b.) no matter what's been done to you (or even what you've done), you are still a person deserving of all the love and respect that everyone else is and c.) your past traumas do not absolve you from your current and/or future choices.

4. it sounds like you're implying that sam should be able to follow through on suicidal thoughts and it's a violation of his autonomy that other people (usually dean) prevent that. this is a very complex issue in the real world where a lot of people feel like they can't be open about their struggles for fear of being locked up (in places that absolutely do violate your autonomy) and i sympathize with that. but we're talking about a fantasy show where sam's suicidal ideations were the effects of what was more or less a supernatural curse.

and even if that wasn't true, i still don't think letting someone die because they think it's the only way they can ever make up for the things that have happened to them (or even the things they've done) is... okay? people deserve the chance to get better, even when that seems like an impossibility, and not letting someone take that chance away from themselves is not a bad thing.

now, if you want to talk about the state of mental health care in the world, let's talk about that. but you're never going to convince me that letting someone give in to their most self-destructive impulses is how you respect their agency.

5. i just want to reiterate that nobody is saying that sam's autonomy isn't violated at various points throughout the show. the argument was that it's not violated any more than any of the other main characters, despite the fandom treating it as a sam-specific issue. that's literally it.

[mamabearwonders]

Ever have those rough days where you just wanna give up, something crazy cool happens then you look up to the sky and say to your dearly departed loved ones, "I know that was you"? Well, that was me tonight.

At work, I had a chat with a young man. He said what he puts his faith into has carried him through his whole life and that's going to tie into what just happened now. Pretty cosmic.🪐🌠

Most of my friends gained their black heavy metal emo-y angel wings early.🪽Then I met Wolfie👼🏼 last year. His wings were ready, my heart was not. So the last few months of his life, we lived it up. We acknowledged his suffering, but we also gave him the best months of his life. It was like we were infinite and not on a timeline.

Flsonfor the past year, I've been in a pretty bad depressive episode. Things are piling up and I just wanted to cry tonight. Then I spontaneously decided to go on a walk. I found a leaf in the hallway that I kept and I saw it was snowing outside. And I knew my loved ones were with me.

It may seem a little silly, but there's been so many times I can tell my loved ones are with me, that it's no longer a coincidence. Wolfie crossed over right at the beginning of a new season, fall. The leaf reminds me of that new journey for him and a new journey for me. The transition from fall to winter. As if he's saying to start the next chapter.

Nobody has it figured out. We're the memories of stars experiencing being human for a little while on a meatball shaped planet spiraling through an infinite impossible galaxy.

My friends and I weren't even supposed to live as long as we did. I think because we have been surviving for most of our lives, we don't acknowledge how badass we really are and what we're capable of.

And I think Tumblr is kind of like the solar system💫. We're all different parts of galaxies and milky ways and stars coming together on here to find who understands our own little world. We're not all that alone.

It was nice to just feel the snow☃️. I hope my friends get to experience the seasons on the other side as well. I don't know all of what I believe in, but I do know that wherever my loved ones are, they're in a beautiful place.

Every time they're near, every physical and mental pain I'm feeling just poof goes away for a little bit. And it's a reminder that even though sometimes life is a shit show and it's perfectly okay to be sad and sit with your feelings for a little bit and not have it all figured out, there have been good times. Our suffering is very valid, but sometimes I have to dwell on something else than the pain or it just drives me crazy.

It's hard to see sometimes when you're just surviving. So sometimes you need to just have a little sit and a little snack and free yourself from not having everything figured out.🌟

[graph100]

is it just me or does gamedev youtube kinda suck? like, its all the most generic sounding people making uninteresting indie games and having nothing super interesting to say. like idk, maybe its just me. the only people who i really like are randy and miziziziz, but even some of miziziziz's stuff leans toward generic indie stuff, hes just different enough in attitude and method that i can watch him. everyone else just feels so samey.

nobody's doing anything that feels original. like yeah they all have their great ideas and such, but theres nothing interesting going on.

i have this theory about how we think about our creative projects. as humans, we naturally make categories for things. we do it for everything. it helps us process things. when we make art, we either start with an idea from a category or genre and expand from there, for fit the idea into a category or make something specific of that category. it feels like gamedev youtube is just making things to fit the "game" shaped hole

I kinda feel this way with indie games as a whole. like in the 2000's and 2010's all of the sudden it became super easy for individuals and small teams to make games, and they fucking ran with that. then later on in the 2010's and 2020's we formed this idea of what "indie game" means and started making "indie games", and its dragged innovation to a halt.

maybe im just salty because im super picky with what i like but i seriously think that there is so much more that we could be doing as a whole that a lot of people dont see.

I was watching this video essay about detention (a game by the same people who made that game that got banned because it had whinnie the pooh as xi jinping) and the essayist was talking about games that have similar energy to silent hill. he brought up signalis, and admitted that he thought the game was similarly good, but said that it wasn't as great because it was clear that it was inspired by/a spiritual successor to silent hill, and that detention fit his criteria for "silent hill like game" not because it tried to be silent hill, but because it was just as good as doing the same things as silent hill

this is where i think indie games fall flat; it feels like everyone is trying to make something like another game, instead of doing something new that is also great. I understand that inspiration is one thing, and that not all spiritual successors are bad, but it really leaves a sour taste in my mouth when I can really easily tell what the a game wanted to be, but didnt end up being.

I tried to word that kind of broadly, because not all of the games i dislike try to emulate one game or a specific set of games, but some seem like they try to emulate a certain style of art or game that they cant do.

I just thing that we need to learn to move on from the past and make new things that are great.

Another gripe I have with gamedev youtube is that they come up with game ideas that fit labels. whenever i see a devlog video they always introduce their game as a set of itch.io tags. I know this is good for like publicity or whatever, but their game ideas are entirely based around these boxes that we need to think outside of; labels come second.

Look at doom for example. It's possibly the greatest game of all time. When it came out in 1993, nobody called it like we did now because they didn't have the term "first person shooter". In ahoy's video on what genre is doom, he shows that it was advertised as a virtual reality action game. That term is wayyy worse at describing what doom is, but thats because doom was so different than other games.

rant over (for now)

[killuachii]

The fleeting feeling of unreached happiness.

Keita's pov

I was happy once. I was the happiest person that has ever existed. I was so happy that I couldn't feel any other emotion. But that feeling went away. Now I am nothing more than a shadow of the past. A faint memory. And if I'm being honest, it will stay like that for a while.

I don't understand who friend or foe is. I don't understand who my loved ones are. I don't understand anything anymore. The moment I trust, I will get hurt. But at the same time, the moment I don't trust, I hurt others. I can never win in a life like this. Are the feelings of others justified? Or are they just going with what the masses say? I can't help but put my words to pen and dedicate letters to each and one of my feelings.

To the happiness I have loved

I have always seen myself as someone that doesn't look good with sadness on them, so I tried my best to show people my happy sides. Maybe they will get happy too once they see me? I love to make others happy but would there be someone out there who would want to make me happy? That's what I have been wondering. Everyone deserves happiness and it shouldn't be something that you should earn first. I want to wake up with a smile and go to sleep with it. I want to live with that smile and die with it.

I got lost on the tracks and finally lost something that was very dear to me - the happiness I have loved so dearly. Now every moment I live is not livable anymore. Now everything has turned grey for me and I don't know if I'll be able to see the colours of life again. Right now I am just a waste of space. A waste of potential and a wasted life.

My loved ones are turning to shapes. I can't recognize them anymore. This is why I lost my trust.

To the trust that got away

Living a life for your own sounded great at first but soon I realised I needed people around me. People who I could trust, that I could love and support and do anything for them. But once my beloved happiness slipped through my hands, I let go of my trust.

I didn't know who I was and I didn't know who they were. Did they want to hurt me? Or did they really care about me? Everything in me is a riddle. There is no key for the lock in my heart. There is no sunshines and clear skies in my head. All that consumes me now are dark skies and chains. I feel captured. Captured by my inability to trust. Captured by all these thoughts that are mocking me. Mocking my being and anything related to it. I don't feel human anymore. When I look in the mirror I see nothing. There is no person looking at me anymore. I am met with words of disgust, words I never wished to hear.

This is when the fear in me started. A fear that is too heavy to put into words.

To the fear that consumes me

When I stopped being human, that's when the fear took over me. I can't recognize anything anymore. Who loves me and who hates me? Who will be there for me and who will just point and laugh? When times get rough who is the person I can count on? When I don't want to exist, who will tell me they need my light? These are the thoughts that hinder me from realising who is my friend and who wants me dead.

Would you miss me if I disappear? Or were you waiting for it to happen? Do you see me as a loved one or do you think of me as disposable? The fear won't let me think straight. I started to become afraid of everything. I am afraid of people, afraid of objects, afraid of myself. I am just a wasted human, I have no use in this life anymore and that's what I fear the most. As a wasted life it's easier to end it all - nobody would care regardless.

But could I ever do something like this to myself? Could I just end it all and release this damned existence?

To myself

I have loved you. I have always loved you and still do. Please never forget that. You are my light and my darkness. If you die, I won't exist anymore. I love you more than anything else and I am so sorry to you. When people don't see the wars you have fought, I do. When you start crying, I will wipe your tears away. Nobody knows your pain, but I do. And I love you for your pain, your fear and your happiness. Please don't kill the light that lights me up. I know it's hard but you are not alone. If no one is there, I will and I'll do anything for you.

I have loved you through so many years and many years to come. I will love you in your life and your death. Don't worry about things that lay out of your control. If they refuse to understand your feelings, I always will. I will wait for you happily. I will care for you. Just please never forget that if the world decides to hate you, I will always love you. The journeys we had, the fights we had, the pain we shared and the happiness we shared will always be embedded in our history together.

I believe that with you I can make a change. With you I will find happiness.

To the future

The future seems so distant but yet I can grasp it. I am sure that there will be good things ahead, I have someone I can trust again, someone I can love again, someone that makes me human. The world doesn't stop for me, it goes on and so will my life. If I keep spiraling in thoughts of unhappiness I will never be happy. I want to make a change. I deserve the life that has been taken away from me. I deserve to be happy.

There are still some steps I have to take to truly be happy. But the most important thing is myself. There is no one that shares the same pains as me just like myself. So I have to take care of us. Both my physical self and my spiritual self deserve to see a life behind all the darkness. Behind the fog that has been suffocating me. Nobody can give me the life I yearn for but myself.

I am thankful for myself and the ones that didn't get away. The ones that after all the battles lost could still love me and care for me. If no one else is willing to love me, they will and I am thankful for all of them. Thank you for seeing my light and believing in it.

∆∆∆

Hello guys! In this story we follow Keita through his own battles with his mind. At first he seems to struggle with the image of himself and labeling him as "a waste", who is unable to feel loved but after a while Keita realizes that the only person that can make him feel the love that he deserves is himself! He starts realising that there always will be a person waiting for him at home, even if it's just himself!

Thank you for reading! o7

[alittlefrenchtree]

Do you think Taylor's acting is good?

Omg i’ve been dying to answer to this question since I got it and I’m so happy to finally have the time.

I think it’s very interesting and layered so I’m going to try to be as coherent as possible.

For reference, I’ve watched, The Kissing Booth 2, The Kissing Booth 3, 1Up and of course, Red White and Royal Blue. I don’t plan to watch anything else from his past filmography but I’m looking forward for what the future brings for him.

Sooooo where to start? 

I met him with Alex, so let’s start with Alex. Unlike many, I was more pulled in and hooked by his performance than I was with Nick’s one. (Not saying Taylor’s better than Nick (nor the other way around), let me finish) 

I very much agree with Matthew (one thing we agree on at least 🤓) when he said that Taylor became Alex when Nick was carefully holding Henry and protecting him. Taylor was so organic as Alex I was almost immediately on board with him. For me, it was everything to do with the sincerity and heart with which he played him, rather than being an award worthy performance or not. It wasn’t perfect but it was perfectly Alex so it was good. And I suspect the very few of my issues with it would fall on the directing and the editing of it rather than Taylor’s work.

To touch a bit on the subject of Henry and Nick. I’ve danced around Nick’s performance a little bit more (with ups and downs) and I’m starting to understand that it was more because of who Henry is as a character and less about Nick’s acting. The performance is growing on me (Nick is also grown on me, so it also helps) and I have good hope that, if when we get a sequel, it would be even better on my side.

Getting to know a bit more of Taylor after that, I wondered if, the reason why he was such a good Alex was because Alex was mainly… Taylor with a few additions. Part of that is true and even if it doesn’t made the job particularly easier, it still asks questions of his ability to play someone who isn’t him at all (even if imo everyone can find an angle to every character but it’s another debate for another time). But there are few details in his performance as Alex that gives a lot of hope about his ability to be subtle about things. Like Taylor and Alex have the same kind of energy but he has adjusted it to feel more young than his own. They’re both confident but in very different ways. So even the things that are him, he has shaped them to be right for Alex. 

Outside of Alex, I actually like him in TKB2 and TKB3. It helps that the main couple of the movie is so dumb and nobody is actually rooting for them but it was really easy to take Marco side (his character introduction was the most hilarious thing I’ve seen in a long time) and Taylor was a good Marco. But it’s kind of hard to see if an actor is good with a role like Marco. You can see if someone is bad (so you can see Taylor isn’t) but it’s hard to see how good he can be.

1UP was basically useless, so we can’t say anything about that. I hadn’t even planned to watched it but it was about esport (or at least it tried to be about esport) so it got me extra curious but it has nothing in it so 😂 Taylor was brought there to be gorgeous and intolerable and he was gorgeous and intolerable so job done I guess? 

All of that being said, I think the most important part of his answer is that Taylor is just starting. He has just started and he has so little worthy to be judged on, it’s almost too early to answer the question. Like I was saying in a previous ask, a lot of how he’s going to develop as an actor will be up to the people (directors, mostly) he’ll be working with and I’m impatient to see the choices he’ll make.

Thank you so much for asking this question, I had a good time digging into my thought about this :) 💜

[dnangelic]

she hands daisuke a paper with a drawing on it. it's a large flower shaped like a daisy or some relative of it, each petal some shade of red or pink. even the stem and leaves, and the sun with the smiling face are those hues. only after he takes it does her hand lift to her cheek, finger absently scratching against her skin as she tries to figure how to explain this.

"a friend if mine... she's kinda like my little sister actually... saw us together one time." that was one way of putting it. no need to mention anna had seen the other by reading takehiko's mind (albeit unintentionally). "she wanted me to give that to you next time I saw you... she drew it."

she pauses.

"thing about anna is that she can only see the color red - and things with a lot of red in it by extension. so when she saw you, she really liked your hair and eyes."

@valkyrrhic

he's not sure what to make of the art at first , wondering if it was takehiko's own personal creation --- a somewhat awkward thought fast dispelled . ( what would he have even been able to say if she had come to him for something like critique or criticism ? ) it's red , everything's red , the color of love and blood , fury and passion , as well as the soft flush of the niwa's cheeks , the color seemingly spreading from his eyes and his hair outright to the rest of him as well .

' o-oh ? ' like a little sister ... he's never seen anyone like that before , and it generates a faint sense of alarm and confusion in equal amounts --- how clueless had he been this whole time to things ? wouldn't he have noticed if there had been someone else , especially someone younger around takehiko ? ' did she --- not want to say hi or anything ... ? '

had it been besides takehiko herself , he wouldn't have minded an impromptu meeting , but daisuke wanted to believe that he could also understand --- it wasn't polite to interrupt , and it could feel even more daunting to get in between two people when you were shy . the artwork is nevertheless accepted , and for a brief moment , the niwa smiles .

' could you tell her that i like it ? ' it wasn't every day a phantom thief became the recipient of a gift of art , after all . and then comes the name and unique condition , as well as the piece of flattery that leaves daisuke covering his face , past his nose until there was nothing to be seen but his eyes and his hair regardless .

' e-er , uh ... ! and ... t-thank you ... please thank her --- a-anna-san for ... um , the compliment too . it's a compliment , right ? i mean , i was just kind of ... born like this , ' so he wasn't sure how special his strong red inheritance was supposed to be or make him feel , and yet --- ' nobody's ever said anything like that before , so it's just a little ... embarrassing . if anything , i think it would be tougher to live like that --- '

only seeing red ... would dark practically vanish in front of her then ? it's a question he tries to push out of his mind . ' but i , um ... maybe i could try to give her something back . i've never painted with only reds before , but if i match the shades ... er , w-well , sorry , i'm getting distracted ! a-anyways , i'll figure it out , takehiko-san ! thank you ... again ! '