#nobody calls cloud an evil antagonist

[getvalentined]

Biting my own fingers to keep from going off on too much scientific bullshit in this next chapter of Smoke and Mirrors because Nobody Needs All That and it breaks the pacing but also MAYBE I NEED TO EXPLAIN THAT GENESIS COPIES ARE JUST MEN WITH A DISEASE WHO WENT ALONG WILLINGLY—

[megashadowdragon]

Warning: this theory contains HEAVY SPOILERS! If you’re not fully caught up with the manga, read at your own risk.

Since English isn’t my first language, I apologize in advance for any spelling/grammar mistakes. Also, this is my first time posting.

It’s practically obvious to everyone that we will get a Kaido flashback in this arc, whether he dies or not: of course, there will be a part about his time in the Rocks Pirates, but we will also get to know possibly one of the most important people for him: his wife.

Because, let’s face it, Oda hasn’t done much yet to give his personality some depth and not being just an arrogant, cruel, child-beating antagonist with a penchant for alcohol and an obsession for death, and a figure such a woman he loved could be a great opportunity for doing so.

Some might speculate that she’s actually dead and that’s why Kaido started drinking.

It could be true but, knowing Oda, he would never introduce a deceased character of that importance out of the blue, without some sort of foreshadowing: a well-kept grave located in a secret place where an important character stumbles upon in the Onigashima raid (on screen, obviously), a framed portrait on a desk or a wall, a name seemingly being thrown offhandedly in a conversation… but there is nothing in Wano which even remotely resembles one of those things.

Therefore, she must be alive.

(Also, there are already too much fundamental figures in various characters’ history who ended up dead in flashbacks, such as Bellemere, Rocinante, Russian and so on. Come on, Oda.)

Is she going to be someone new, at least?

Well, that’s a possibility, however in next arc(s) new characters will be introduced and One Piece has got more than a thousand of them already… quite a lot, aren’t they? Consequently, there is a very good chance for her to be someone who has been already introduced into the story.

Of course, there must have been some sort of foreshadowing when she had been introduced, too: she was the lover of a Yonko, after all. Has there been a woman with an unknown lover in the past arcs?

Yes, actually.

It was her:

And I believe that the mysterious man she fell in love with was none other than Kaido himself. But wait, there’s more: Gloriosa has also eaten a Devil Fruit. An extremely powerful one.

Don’t worry, I will explain everything on the way. Now, hold onto your seat, because this will be quite the long ride.

Kaido and Gloriosa comparison

Kaido of the Beasts, Governor General of the Beasts Pirates, one of the Four Emperors, the Strongest Being in the world and Gloriosa, a former Kuja ruler. These two may have little to nothing in common... or have they?

Probably the most striking difference between them is their respective height: while Kaido easily dwarfs normal humans, Gloriosa is shorter than Luffy; however, both of their heights are currently not canonically stated.

Unstated as both of their ages are, although it’s clear that both of them are past their younger days: in Gloriosa this is highlighted by her grey hair and wrinkled face, but it’s clear that Kaido is not that young any more, too, having crow’s feet under his eyes and forehead lines. It is likely that these two are quite close in age, actually.

A notably interesting fact is, canon heights and ages of the various characters, along with things such as their favourite food, are revealed in the SBS corner in manga volumes. And yet, not even one of these little pieces of information has been revealed for both Kaido and Gloriosa.

It’s very unlikely that nobody has ever sent these question to Oda, or that the latter forgot to answer them; given the importance of the two characters in the arc where they have appeared, there must be a very specific reason why Oda didn’t tell us a thing. More than that, when Gloriosa talked about her Love Sickness in chapter 522, there was no flashback; not even silhouettes.

With these things and questions on mind, let’s move on to their position. Kaido is now an Emperor of the Sea, and Gloriosa was an Empress of the Kuja. Also, while Gloriosa was an Empress Kaido held no particular position, except by maybe being a pirate captain; and now the tables have turned, Kaido being an Emperor and Gloriosa being a nobody. A neat little parallel, isn’t it?

Now, let’s get to their Haki usage and knowledge: Gloriosa seems to have some knowledge about how it works and the characteristics of the people who are able to use the various Colours: in fact, in chapter 521 she comments about Luffy’s Haki, surprised by how he willingly bowed his head to Hancock to help those who saved him instead of a boat to leave the island without a second thought. She is not a confirmed user of any form of Haki; however, in a place where pretty much every powerful warrior can use at least Observation and Armament, it is hinted she is a wielder of these two colours at least and, since she used to be an Empress, there is also a chance she can use Conqueror’s, too. Kaido is a confirmed Observation, Armament and Conqueror user, and also one of the very few people, as he himself stated in chapter 1010, who can make the latter colour flowing through their body and coat their weapon(s). In the very same chapter, he also recognized Zoro’s illusions while performing Ashura as a manifestation of Conqueror’s Haki, revealing his in-depth knowledge about the subject.

Last but certainly not least... their strength. Kaido one-shot Luffy in Gear Fourth despite the Emperor being so drunk he could not stand on his feet properly; also, he was able to clash against a fellow Yonko for days and tanked pretty much both all the Scabbard’s hits and the majority of the Supernova’s attacks on the rooftop. Moreover, how can his absolutely epic introduction not be taken into account? He fell from a Sky Island literally 10000 metres above the sea level and he ended up with... a strong headache. I’ll tell you what: Gloriosa fell from a great height, too! In addiction to it, she landed without suffering any serious consequences, as shown in chapter 517, where she landed on her feet seemingly undamaged after Hancock quite literally threw her out of the Kuja Castle. As Gloriosa herself said, she might have grown old, but she is still a Kuja warrior. Also, being a former ruler where strength is beauty, she undoubtedly was a force to be reckoned with in her prime.

That being said*... Maybe they’re not so different, after all, huh?*

Mythology references

One Piece has loads of references to Japanese myths and folklore, however Wano is especially loaded with these; and how could it not be? It is inspired by Japan, after all.

Moreover, since Kaido can transform into a dragon, there must be some kind of reference to Japanese myths and legends regarding these legendary creatures.

There’s one in particular, which might be the key to Kaido’s backstory: the story of the Enoshima Dragon.

According to this myth, in the mountains near the Koshigoe village lived a five-headed dragon, called Gozuryu, who terrorized the inhabitants over a period of some-thousand years by provoking countless natural disasters such as huge storms, floods and earthquakes, as well as eating their children. The villagers kept praying and praying, until something happened: in 31st May, 552 AD, during a bigger and more violent storm than the usual, the clouds split in two and a rock began to emerge from the sea. A beautiful woman descended from a ray of light where the clouds slit and sat foot on the island just created, making it her home. The dragon, who assisted to the whole thing, immediately fell in love with her and asked her to marry him.

The woman, who was perfectly aware of the dragon’s evil actions, was none other than the goddess Benzaiten herself.

Benzaiten on a white dragon

Now, there are two versions of how the story ends: in one, the goddess turned him down at first, and told the dragon she would have considered his proposal only if he helped the people he used to terrorise. Gozuryu accepted and the village prospered thanks to their dual protection; in the end, the goddess agreed to marry him and the couple lived happily until the dragon met his demise. In the other version, Benzaiten straight up refused Gozuryu’s proposal due to his evil actions; ashamed for his wrongdoings, the dragon promised the goddess he would have never disturbed the village again, and retired in the mountains where he died of guilt.

Anyway, regardless of how the story goes, when the dragon died he fused with the land of Kamakura, creating the Dragon’s Mouth hill (Japanese: Tatsu no kuchi yama) facing south, the direction of the island where his beloved lived. Needless to say, the island of the myth is Enoshima.

The comparison between Kaido and Gozuryu is immediate: both are extremely cruel towards children, with the former having no qualms beating them, even his own, and the latter eating them. Moreover, the Emperor, much like the five-headed dragon, terrorizes the inhabitants of the place near where he lives (Wano Country and Koshigoe Village respectively) turning the land into completely inhabitable wasteland in the process, and is capable of causing huge storms; his apparition in chapter 921 is also being accompanied by a thunderstorm. Note that, in Chapter 1003, Zoro states that fighting Kaido was like “facing a natural disaster”, much like the natural catastrophes Gozuryu caused.

Now, let’s talk about Benzaiten.

Goddess of water (especially rivers), eloquence, and good fortune, Benzaiten is considered one of the protector deities of Japan, where she’s one of the most beloved and revered gods: every major city has at least one place for her worship and countless temples and shrines dedicated to her cult are present in many other areas across the country, all located near water sources such as rivers, ponds, lakes or even in the sea. She is part of Japan’s Seven Lucky Gods, and she’s the only woman among them.

Benzaiten, however, is not originally Japanese: she is in fact a syncretic deity derived from the Hindu goddess Saraswati whose cult was brought to Japan by Buddhist monks who arrived in the VII century from China.

Due to her extreme complexity, only the most relevant facts to this theory will be reported.

She wasn’t very popular until the XI century, when her cult was fused with Ugajin’s, an obscure Japanese Kami of water, agriculture and good fortune, often represented as an old man with a snake body. Once this happened, her popularity skyrocketed as a goddess of water and by assonance ‘of everything that flows’: rivers, eloquence, knowledge, music, art and Haki. Even nowadays, Uga Benzaiten, the goddess with Ugajin on her head, is one of the most common Benzaiten representations.

Both lived in an island inhabited only by women: Gloriosa in Amazon Lily, and Benzaiten in Enoshima, since she was the sole inhabitant of said island and also a woman;

Benzaiten originated from an Indian goddess and Gloriosas, the flowers which Gloriosa was named after, grow in India too! Gloriosa superba is even Tamil Nadu’s national flower.

Due to being goddess of water, Benzaiten was naturally associated with animals connected with said element: snakes, turtles… and dragons. Especially the white ones, since this colour is linked with water in Japanese culture.

Snakes are a big part of Amazon Lily’s culture: almost every warrior on the island has her own Snake Weapon which can be used as a bow, the island’s dome is sculpted with snake motifs, the Perfume Yuda, Kuja Pirates’ flagship, is carried by two Yuda snakes, even Kuja, the name of the tribe, means ‘Nine snakes’

White snakes were considered to be Benzaiten’s main messengers and avatars and Gloriosa in Share the World opening appeared with a blue top and*...* a white snake.

Also, the traditional representation of the Black Warrior is a turtle intertwined with a snake, much like Kujas with their Snake Weapon. Due to these facts, I believe that Gloriosa has eaten the Mythical Zoan Kame Kame no Mi model: Genbu.

Timeline and character analysis – a PERSONAL take on what could have happened and when (and why)

For this section, other than time markings scattered throughout the story, Momonosuke’s (biological 8 – actual 28), Yamato’s (28), and Hancock’s (31) ages will also be taken into account for comparison.

It is known that the Rocks Pirates were defeated and subsequently disbanded 38 years before the current time. Also, Kaido was captured, and presumably sentenced to jail, eighteen times; given his reputation and danger, it’s pretty safe to assume that at least one of those nine prison ships he sunk was directed to Impel Down.

Impel Down is actually not that far from Amazon Lily: the journey takes one sailing week with an average ship, while Marine ones can make it in just four days, about half the time, because of the reserved currents. In my opinion, it makes sense thinking that Kaido has sunk a prison ship in the Paradise and somehow ended up in Amazon Lily.

Now, everyone here knows the supreme rule of the Island of Women:

NO. MEN. ALLOWED.

For any reasons.

So, by the laws of the island, he was imprisoned and, just like Luffy, was sentenced to death. But, like the latter pirate did, Kaido defeated/broke/knocked unconscious all the animal/things commonly used for executions on the island, therefore the Empress finally decided to take the matter into her own hands.

I believe the Kuja Empress at the time was Gloriosa. Why?

Well, it was stated that 33 years ago the remnants of the Rocks Pirates sent off to found their own crews, and probably Kaido arrived in Amazon Lily even earlier, between 38 and 33 years ago. As Hancock stated, Gloriosa is actually the former-former-former empress of Amazon Lily: this means that there were two Empresses between her and Hancock; since the latter is stated to have become Empress at the age of 18, 13 years ago, and given that the other two unnamed Empresses died of Love Sickness which probably is more likely to strike the unlucky rulers at a fairly young age, 20-25 years are more than enough for two Empresses to have reigned.

To estimate her actual force at the time, let’s analyse her name a bit.

Like all Kujas, Gloriosa is named after a flower (or a genus of those): Gloriosa is a genus of 12 flower species, widely spread in areas of the world such as Africa, the Arabic Peninsula and tropical parts of Asia. It can reach 3 metres in height and they display showy, vibrant-colored flowers with distinctively shaped petals, earning them the nickname of fire lily.

So, the question arises spontaneously: why is this short, wrinkly old woman named after one of the most beautiful (and tallest) flowers in the world? Given Oda’s attention even for the tiniest details, I highly doubt he chose this name randomly; at least, not for her.

Either she’s a grotesque parody of her own name… or it could be a foreshadow.

Gloriosa is also the Italian, Spanish, Portuguese and Catalan word meaning ‘glorious’, if the subject it’s related to is feminine and singular. A truly fitting name for a ruler and the wife of a Yonko, isn’t it? And Kaido want his death to be… glorious.

Maybe Gloriosa in her prime was actually even more beautiful and stronger than the current Hancock, to the point where nobody had ever beaten her in combat.

Anyway, you know how the saying goes: if it’s one on one, always bet on Kaido.

Therefore, Gloriosa was defeated for the first time. By a man.

Hancock’s case probably gives us how Empresses fall ill with Love Sickness: it happens when a man catches them off guard by behaving in a totally and positively unexpected way, defying all the previous experiences the rulers have. Hancock fell in love with Luffy because he showed her kindness and didn’t judge her when she told him about her past; Gloriosa got Love Sickness because she fell in love with Kaido for his strength.

Because love… is always like a Dragon Twister hurricane!

How about Kaido?

It is common knowledge that he respects physical strength, even in his enemies.

That’s probably why he joined the Rocks Pirates in the first place: out of respect for Rocks D. Xebec, because he was actually the first person ever to defeat him in combat.

Just like Zoro with Kuina, or Douglas Bullet with Gol D. Roger (in the Stampede movie).

Gloriosa may have not defeated him in combat, but she surely gave him a very good run for his money, maybe she almost won. And he respected her for that, to the point where he actually accepted to leave Amazon Lily, even if he won. He stayed there for a little more, while a ship for him to sail the sea was being prepared, and lived peacefully (meaning: extensively touched and examined) with the Kujas.; what are the chances that one of his favourite (or least) foods is actually penne with Gorgonzola and Sea King’s meat, the island’s culinary speciality?

When he sat sail, he probably found out that the Empress snuck aboard his ship when he was far away from the island already. He thought of bringing her back, but, after listening to her reasons, he decided to let her stay with him because, let’s face it, Kaido is not Luffy, he actually appreciates the company of women.

The most beautiful woman in the world fell in love with him and contracted a mysterious illness which would have killed her if she didn’t go with him and follow him anywhere?

Oh no! /s

I’ll tell you what, I don’t think that Kaido was actually in love with her at first that much. He surely enjoyed spending passionate nights with her, and was amused by her curiosity due to Gloriosa knowing little to nothing about the external world.

There was a specific moment when he actually fell in love with her.

Have you noticed that, despite being often shirtless, Kaido's back is never fully uncovered even in his dragon form? He always wears a coat, a shirt, or both.

That hints that Kaido has some kind of mark on his back he wants to hide from public view, just like the Gorgon Sisters. Something must have happened that made him show her said mark, maybe Gloriosa caught a glimpse and asked him to see it. Anyway, Kaido was reclutant at first, but she had the right to know, she was his wife after all.

So he showed it to her, in a way that, when it will be shown in the flashback, might be a callback to when Hancock showed Luffy the Celestial Dragon hoof.

That mark meant that for the world he had and would always have been something inhuman, a failed experiment, a monster; even Big Mom, who has the best spy network in the world, calls him a 'thing'. But Gloriosa didn’t judge him for said mark, nor she believed he was a monster. For Gloriosa, he was just Kaido, the man who she had fallen in love with.

That's when Kaido fell for her. And he fell hard, probably to the point of no return.

At some point, the two conceived a child, and that's when Kaido decided that it was time to move to Wano instead of travelling the world: the pirate life is dangerous for grown people let alone for a child, plus he was one of the most wanted men by the World Government, meaning the child was in danger simply by existing.

But how did Kaido know about Wano?

He probably heard something about the Continent Puller and the ‘country’ he formed about 600 years before but, since it was a closed nation, he probably didn’t know much more until he met someone who escaped from said island: Kurozumi Higurashi.

41 years ago, she told Orochi that she fled the country because of the persecutions against the Kurozumi clan, and because she knew nothing about the outside world, joining pirates was the easier choice. Also, in that way she could have found allies and power for the Kurozumi cause easier.

The Mane Mane no Mi allows the user to create a perfect copy of a person whose face has been touched. She transformed in a woman, who, judging by the color scheme in the anime, is heavily hinted to be Bakkin and a young Shiki, both known members of the Rocks Pirates, so Higurashi may have traveled with said crew for a while. There she met Kaido, who she sensed he could have been a great help for the Kurozumis: big, powerful, and stupid, easy to manipulate.

A closed off country not part of the World Government: a perfect nation for Kaido to reside to ensure the safety of his family (mainly his child, because Gloriosa was more than capable of defending herself) and to use as a base for his operations.

When Oden went with Whitebeard 29 years ago, there were no factories in Wano, but they were there when Toki arrived in Wano with Momonosuke, who was 3 at the time, and Hiyori; so Kaido must have arrived in Wano three years earlier at last.

Gloriosa may not have been the Kuja Empress anymore, but had everything a woman like her could ask for: she was one of the heads of a soon to be powerful army, plus a devoted, loving husband and a child.

Why did she leave it all behind?

I have already talked about the parallels between Gloriosa and turtles in the mythology section, but here’s another one: in Chinese culture, turtle (especially turtle egg) is a very serious insult regarding the morality of one’s mother; that’s why Genbu is called Black Warrior instead of Black Tortoise.

This also expands one of Wano’s most prominent themes: betrayal.

Gloriosa was forced to leave Wano and Yamato behind because she cheated on Kaido. But with who?

Well, the Beast Pirates follow a card games and decks naming theme, and currently there is none named Ace; also, when Oden faced Kaido, Jack was only 8, so my hypothesis is that the third Calamity before him was called Ace. He probably had a crush on Gloriosa and when she went to him for comfort while Kaido was away, probably out to recruit subordinates or captured, he couldn’t resist.

But Kaido caught the two in the act, and was absolutely furious.

He killed Ace, and his position remained vacant for quite some time, until Jack finally took his place in the Calamities; that's why, in Episode 972, there were only King and Queen along with the fodder.

However, Kaido couldn't bring himself to kill his wife personally, so he offered her a choice: be dispatched by the hands of King or Queen, or leave and never return.

Gloriosa chose the second option.

She packed her things and left, only to realize she had nowhere to go: Wano obviously was not an option, but she couldn't just go back to Amazon Lily, not after she betrayed Kujas by abandoning them while she was an Empress. Plus, as a pirate, she was wanted by the Marine. So she lived on the run, continuously assuming new identities and never staying in the same place for too long.

Also, Love Sickness certainly has played its role in weakening her, making her age faster and dramatically decreasing her height in the process.

Taking a look at Hancock’s bed, it’s decisiverly oversized for her: said bed could comfortably fit a laid Boa Hancock together with her Snake Weapon, which is way larger than the others, her sisters, the doctor and Gloriosa, and still have room left for someone else to stand on it.

It is very likely that this bed was the Empress’s for a long time, and, since that position is not inherited, it had to fit Kujas of all sizes. So Gloriosa could have been taller in her youth, maybe a little shorter than Kaido, but still enough to handle him.

Anyway, Gloriosa managed to survive through sheer willpower, the same that allows her to snap out of Hancock’s charm much faster than the others, until her feelings for Kaido eventually faded away, thus healing from said illness.

When she finally arrived to Sabaody Archipelago, at least fifteen years ago, she was unrecognisable. Coincidentally, Shakky's Rip-Off bar was searching for new waiters, and Gloriosa applied because she needed money. The former pirate immediately recognised her.

How is that possible? Feminine intuition!

In chapter 591, she correctly predicted that Hancock would became smitten with Luffy despite not seeing her for thirteen years and every evidence in Hancock's behaviour pointing out the contrary. (Also in the very same chapter Hancock asks Gloriosa how to have a proper marriage while surrounded by monkeys wearing Wano's typical hat. Let that sink in).

Shakky understood that Kaido had no interest in her anymore and let her stay with her and Rayleigh, until the Boa sisters arrived and Gloriosa could finally return to Amazon Lily with the excuse of bringing them back home.

On the other hand, Kaido was devastated, to say the least.

Can you blame him? His beloved wife was cheating on him with one of his most trusted subordinates. He needed to forget, to get rid of all those negative feelings overwhelming him: that's why he started drinking.

However, Kaido isn't stupid. Okay, he may not be as smart as Benn Beckman, the most intelligent person introduced in the East Blue arc, but he surely has some brains: you don't reach and mantain high positions within a crew without some smarts, let alone being an Emperor of the Sea. Kaido soon realised that he caught the two relatively easily. Too easily.

Almost if they wanted to get caught in the act.

While Kaido was drinking his sorrow away, someone else was toasting to a risky plan gone smoothly.

The Kurozumi clan.

Higurashi may have lured Kaido into Wano and the alliance with the Kurozumi, but she didn’t predict that he would have arrived with a wife and a child. Gloriosa probably had a great influence on Kaido, who was (and maybe is still) regarded as little more than a muscle head; and the Kurozumis were actually afraid that she may have been plotting something. This impression was confirmed by the Onibanshu who spied the two pirates: probably Gloriosa wasn't happy about the shogun and suggested her husband some ways to dethronate him.

She was a threat, and they needed to get rid of her as soon as possible.

They sensed that one of Kaido’s top subordinates had feelings for Gloriosa, and they decided to use this fact to their advantage. So Higurashi transformed using her Devil Fruit powers and seduced the crew’s Ace, in a time and a place where she was sure Kaido could see them, while someone else distracted Gloriosa. In the end, everything went according to plan.

However, when Kaido saw the old hag using her powers some time after, he understood everything. But he had no concrete proofs, and certainly wasn't in the position to kill someone so important to his pawn based only on simple suspects; so he waited, until the perfect moment arrived.

Meanwhile, Kaido kept drinking, to forget his actions and to numb his guilt. At first, a little quantity of alcohol did the trick, but eventually he needed more and more, slowly falling into addiction.

You know, Gloriosas’ beauty is only matched by their toxicity: as proud members of the Colchicaceae family, they contain colchicine, a powerful metabolic toxin; all parts of these plants can be fatal if eaten, even a simple touch can cause skin irritation. Due to this, Gloriosa superba has been used for centuries to commit suicide.

Just like colchicine corrodes the body, alcohol, together with shame, guilt and anger, slowly eroded Kaido’s soul, corrupting him from within.

While Kaido's original plan for Wano was simply to make the island his operational base, after all that happened he decided to destroy and utterly annihililate it, just like Orochi destroyed his happiness. The shogun was fine with his ally’s devastations and never suspected that Kaido knew. The latter made Orochi believe he wouldn’t touch the Flower Capital, just to completely erase it from the face of Earth once his army would have been powerful enough to fight an all-out war. Revenge is a dish best served cold and then smashed on the forehead.

The rest is history.

Surely Kaido will be defeated, but he will not be completely dealt with in this arc.

Yamato probably got their kind, selfless nature from Gloriosa. The latter would have never approved of the terms of Kaido’s promise to Oden, let alone all the hostages and atrocities done by her husband; since Oden began to dance naked in the streets 25 years ago, probably Gloriosa was already gone at that time.

Because of this, Yamato has little to no memories of their mother, so they will likely ask Kaido about her at the end of the battle. However, Kaido himself doesn’t know her whereabouts because he didn’t send spies after her; at first, because he didn’t care about her anymore. When he realised his mistake, he still didn’t search for her because otherwise it would have shown that she was still important to him. He is not naive, he knows there are spies in his ranks, even at high levels; therefore he wants to avoid attracting unwanted attentions to her.

Plus, Kaido doesn’t even want to know, because Gloriosa probably is dead or has found another person to be with; and he deep down knows that those news would definitely break him.

However, there’s one little detail: Gloriosa’s speech quirk-nyon. Even if her appearance has changed quite a bit, she surely did nyot change her way of talking. Luffy would probably understand Kaido is talking about her because of this, and will tell them that she’s alive and well in Amazon Lily.

It is a known fact that our protagonist either kills the villains’ dreams or changes them: Kaido will change his goal too. He wouldn’t want to die yet, he will probably want to meet Gloriosa again to apologize properly for what he had done to her.

Thus, he will survive the battle and somehow, after almost thirty years, Kaido and Gloriosa will meet again.

Will Gloriosa forgive him? Will she not?

Only Oda will tell.

Other references

Black Maria Many people actually believe she’s a Kuja, and I admit, they have pretty good reasons for thinking so. Let’s start by her name: other than being a card game, Black Maria is also a variety of bougainvillea, a clear reference to Kuja’s floral naming theme; there is also a flower named Spider Lily (Lycoris radiata) referencing her Devil Fruit powers and Amazon Lily alike. Black Maria has also flowers in her hair; the most prominent ones, colored in red, have also five petals, much like the one Gloriosa wears in her hair! She is also the owner of a brothel in Onigashima and, also due to her size, it’s heavily implied that she and Kaido have a… passionate relationship, as Oda would put it (However, Kaido probably views her as nothing more than a distraction). Of course, Kaido and his wife must have had their passionate moments, since they have a child. Moreover, Benzaiten is almost always represented playing a biwa, and, as shown in chapter 992, Black Maria can play it very well. She also has a remarkable singing voice, a feature which was one of the basic requisites to become a geisha. Geishas also were protected by Benzaiten. All in all, Black Maria is actually the biggest reference to Gloriosa... in a literal and figurative sense! Oh, one last thing: the men tied to her webs in Chapter 1005 can be a symbol for Kaido’s soul, unable to move on and perpetually being trapped in the memories and regrets of his relationship with Gloriosa together with his alcohol addiction.

Kaido’s flagship Currently, Kaido’s flagship is the only one among the four Emperors’ which has yet to be seen or named. Some speculate that it’s actually Onigashima, but, in my opinion, that’s not the case: why would he travel with his entire home, with the concrete risk of it being destroyed every time he faces an opponent? Also, Yamato is in there: they have explosive handcuffs which doesn’t allow them to leave the island, but what if someone with internal destruction haki actually removes them thus freeing Yamato and letting them escape? Also, what if Yamato actually gets severely wounded, or worse, killed by invaders? Kaido actually strikes me as an overprotective dad, thus he will never directly expose his child to external danger. The handcuffs will explode if and only if Yamato actually tries to leave Onigashima: if they stay there, nothing will happen. Plus, in chapter 997, when Kaido started lifting Onigashima someone said that the island had never trembled like that before. Kaido actually has his flagship, and the reason why it hasn’t been shown is its name. I’ve said before that Gloriosa means glorious in some languages, therefore there’s a big chance that the ship will have in its name also the Japanese word of the same meaning. Maybe it’s called ‘Glorious Dragon’ in Japanese, or something like that.

Yamato Now, this will touch one of the most controversial topics within the community right now, which is Yamato’s gender; I wish not to discuss about it under this post, because this isn’t the time nor the place (IMO it’s better to delay the discussion at the end of this arc, when Yamato will hopefully detach from the Kozuki Oden persona and find their own identity). Regardless of all this, Yamato was born as a female: and Kujas give birth to female babies only.

Kaido and Big Mom comparison: Although they were part of the same pirate crew for some time and both of them being now Emperors, there are a lot of things about their characters which mark these two as counterparts: first of all, Kaido is male and Big Mom is female. Big Mom belongs to the older generations of pirates, while Kaido belongs to the new one (together with Shanks). Kaido drinks a lot while Big Mom eats a lot. Big Mom has more than 80 children, while Kaido just one*. Lastly, Big Mom has had many unknown husbands, who she married and treated as equals only to discard them when their children are born, revealing she had zero feelings towards them. With the previous comparisons in mind, it would make perfect sense for Kaido to have had only one wife who has already appeared in the story and who he has loved dearly and maybe still does.

*In my opinion, Katakuri, Oven and Daifuku aren’t Kaido’s sons. Even if the physical resemblance is uncanny, there are two major arguments against this supposed paternity: first, the triplets don’t display any type of horns, which Yamato, the known child of Kaido, has. Secondly, the Yonko’s age: he is surely younger than 68, since this is Big Mom’s age and she considers him like a little brother; however, being heavily implied that Shakuyaku was part of the Rocks Pirates as well and she was considered a pirate, while Kaido was only an apprentice, it’s implicitly stated that he must be younger than her, too. She’s now 64, and this puts his maximum age at 63; given the triplet’s age, 48, Kaido may have had them when he was 15, which is an age when men usually have reached their sexual maturity, but he may be even younger than that, so draw your conclusion.

I admit, this turned out a lot longer than I actually expected. My sincerest kudos to you, dear reader, for reading all this time-consuming post – I hope you enjoyed it as much as I had fun writing it.

Please, let me know your thoughts, they are more than welcome!

TL;DR: Gloriosa is Kaido’s wife and Yamato’s mother, she has eaten the mythical variant of the Kame Kame fruit, Katakuri is not Kaido’s son and Gin will become Pirate King.

comments on reddit  :

kaido has been revealed to be 59 

I really want to know who yamatos mother was and I am willing to accept any theory for now

[yamayuandadu]

Tentatively going to call the Inanna story “Ninmesharra” (”lady of all me” - me being divine powers more or less) to keep the pattern of my stories not set in the present having divine epithets as titles; related content will continue to be tagged as “Rider of Clouds” since it pretty much functions as a broader setting tag anyway some info under the cut

due to being the way i am i wanted to focus on f/f relationships so the rough timeline of Inanna’s love life is going to be: -Ninisina (one-sided, Ninisina is straight but they end up becoming friends instead) -Ishara (brief; settled on her as optimal for the role of an early lover due to the antiquity of the association between her and inanna/ishtar and shared interest in similar matters) -Nanaya (the story will start with an arc during which they meet; the former two are merely lore/flashbacks; Nanaya irl was in a way an “imitation” of Inanna and to make her more unique I want to try to convert that into personality traits) -Dumuzi (will be brief too, my design purposely has similar body type and hair to Nanaya but it will take a while before you learn why. The relationship will be actually reasonably happy but it’ll happen at a low point in Inanna’s life to explain why it’s no longer a thing in the “present” of broader Rider of Clouds universe) -Ninshubur (it’s my favorite pairing in anything ever but for storytelling reasons I figured it’ll be more impactful if it’s the culmination of the story and not there right away); Ninshubur will actually start as 1. Inanna’s “corrections officer” more or less 2. firmly convinced she is incapable of feeling love (the twist being, of course, that she’s gay but so deep in the closet she doesn’t even notice it herself) I already posted my Inanna design a few times:

As for antagonists: while there is no single “epic” of Inanna there are a few figures who definitely work as antagonists for her, while one I picked based on the realization she works really well as polar opposite of Inanna. So, for now the planned list is: -Manungal, the goddess and prisons, “neck stock of the Anuna gods” as the very first antagonist; truthfully she’s just doing her job. Her underlings include Nanaya and her sister Lagamar and she serves under aged king of gods Enlil, who treats her almost as an adopted daughter due to her devotion (he also has 4 biological children - Ninurta, Ishara, Nergal and Pabilsag; I figured that since he was the “father of gods” it would make sense if, any unsympathetic mythical portrayals aside, he was genuinely a family man [which he seems to be in many myths about his children visiting him!] and decent parent as well as a father figure to his servants. That article mentioning that Enlil was believed to take care of “homeless” gods and spirits influenced my view of his character a lot) -the demon Lamashtu. Conflict between Ishtar and Lamashtu is alluded to in incantations which ask her and Nanaya to counter her evil influence; however truth to be told I just wanted to write a parody of a truly cursed fringe claim that Inanna herself -was- Lamashtu because to some authors anything sexual is evil for some ungodly reason. No design to show rn, the arc will most likely be a murder mystery with Inanna being framed. -Ereshkigal. Technically not in the wrong. Not Inanna’s sister by blood, but by adoption. I’d like to balance the relatively ruthless Ereshkigal from medical incantations and parts of Descent and Nergal and Ereshkigal with the fact that she seems to be lonely in many myths. She nominally rules the underworld because nobody else wanted it, but with clever marketing outsources much of it to other gods such as Inshushinak and Allani (and in my version the court judging Inanna in the underworld will consist out of Ereshkigal’s “shareholders” because it’s funny). More detailed Ereshkigal lore post coming soon. -Inanna’s questionable life choices -Enmesharra? In an extremely distant Ninmesharra/Rider of Clouds crossover? Who knows?

[phoenixisstrange]

The Best Day Forever Chapter 1 (Edited)

But I am wrong. It begins with me, in a nice suburban house doing my own thing going about my day. I guess I live here? I don't know who I live with or if I live alone but I encounter neighbors and friends (I don't remember specific interactions). I don’t even know how I got this beautiful house OR what town it’s in. It’s like someone created me and my life, peppered in some aspects of my personality and memory and dropped me into it. So I wake up in my? bed. 

I wake up, make myself breakfast, and acquaint myself with my neighborhood. As if I haven’t lived here for quite some time-- judging off of the bills I have sitting on the counter waiting to be paid. I open the front door. It’s a big wooden door with a little window that has decorative iron bars encasing it. Whoever designed this house did a damn nice job. I admire my front door as if I’ve never seen it before. As I step out onto my front porch I am greeted by a symphony of wildlife and a beautiful panorama of the forest. This was an intentional design point of the house. The way the forest sits inside of the frame of my porch is so perfect that it must be deliberate. The facade of my house faces a dense forest but I do have neighbors on either side of my property. 

To the left I see a mother herding her 3 kids into her minivan, well trying at least. One of the kids is running around screaming; wearing only one flip flop on. The other kid has dropped her bookbag on the ground. The third sits strapped into the car quietly. “Brandy stop moving and put your damn flip flop on, we’re going to be late!” the mom corrals her child into the van. 

I chuckle and breathe in the crisp morning air as it mingles with the scent of my piping hot coffee. The house to the right is a bit smaller and nobody seems to be home. After I finish my coffee, I go back inside and look at my schedule. It’s my day off.

I text my girls, Iz and Cree to see what they’re up to. I guess they also live in the area. Whatever the area is. The girls arrive and we set up camp in my warmly-lit living room. A low-budget Netflix horror movie plays in the background as we sip our Rosé.

 “So how’s Carter?” I ask Iz.

 “He’s good, he’s interviewing for a job at a new dealership as a sales manager”

“Good for him, I wish him luck in all his managerial endeavors” I say with a little too much enthusiasm. 

“Phoenix---How’s your love life??” She did it. She asked the dreaded question.

“Heh, funny you should ask… You would probably have an easier time finding a human being on Mars than I would finding a lover. ” Wow, I’ve actually lost count of how many times I’ve answered that. Me? Jaded? Never. Just realistic. I have too much going on to focus on finding someone right now. That’s what I tell myself at night when the loneliness hits. 

“Unfortunately my lover either doesn’t exist or doesn’t want me.” I add. You can practically see my dignity leaving the room. 

“Sometimes you just gotta ride the wave alone...” Cree-- who appears to be catatonic on the couch-- mutters from beneath a blanket. 

“Facts” Iz and I say in unison.

We finish a bottle of wine and cook some ramen. I never eat Ramen, I can’t stand it. But Iz and Cree love it so I guess that’s why my cabinets are stacked with the stuff. Either that or I am preparing for the inevitable collapse of our organized society. In that case, I know for a fact that I won’t go hungry. There’s so many packets of chicken flavored instant noodles hiding in my cabinets that I could feed a tribe in the post apocalyptic world.

The fragrance of the salty noodles dances with the incense that burns in the living room. The sound of a woman being possessed by the devil blares from the tv speakers.

“Haven’t we watched this movie already?” Iz clearly isn’t into it. “Probably, but all Netflix horror movies are the same. They usually end up as white noise anyway.” 

“I like it.” Cree chimes in

“If Cree thinks it’s a good movie, then obviously it’s a good movie Iz.” Sarcasm. 

“Cree said Suicide Squad was her favorite movie. She cannot be trusted to judge a good movie!” 

“Everyone thought that movie was so bad but y’all just don’t appreciate good art.” Cree stands firmly by her decision.

The movie concludes with the predictable ending where the antagonist--who has succumbed to demonic possession-- is cleansed of evil through a dramatic exorcism. The entire house that the movie is set in is destroyed. This forces the traumatized family to move out of the beautiful home they recently purchased. The movie ends on a cliff-hanger where a new family moves into the very house--which has now been repaired--in hopes to start a life. Boring.

The girls leave at about 11 pm. I take a quick shower and pour myself a glass of seltzer. Nights like this are ideal for stargazing. Not a cloud in the sky and cool enough to have the windows open in the house. Apparently, I missed my mark. I open my door to a rather jarring sight. Expecting the usual chirping of the cicadas and a star speckled sky; I am met with a rising sun. The sky is not an 11 pm sky it’s a 6 am sky. I’m confused and kind of scared. My mind starts to race. How drunk did we get last night? It was just a few glasses of wine not enough to black out the entire fucking night. I text Cree and Iz. No response. I figure they’re sleeping. 

My phone says 5:47 am on Saturday, 7/23. My day off is Saturday, which would be the 23rd. Saturday was yesterday. I turn on the TV to verify the date and News 12 confirms my fear of today’s date, 7/23. The annual family cookout is being held tomorrow at the park. 4 pm sharp, don’t miss it! Did I skip work yesterday? No way, I would’ve gotten a call. My head is spinning at this point and I decide to lay down for a bit.

The sound of the news 12 anchorwoman echoes in my head. “This weekend is going to be a hot one. Anyone planning on traveling west towards the coast should take care to leave a little bit early because of heavy delays along all major highways.” 

I drift in and out of consciousness and finally give up. I’ve watched the sun rise through the skylight that is fixed above the couch. That big ball of fire has climbed straight into the center of the skylight. The big ball of fire is blinding me. The time is 8:30 according to my phone. I barely slept a wink. My mind was too busy trying to figure out if I was going batshit or if I was actually trapped in a temporal loop. I mean, that would be cool because then that would mean that time loops do exist but not cool because of the fact that I would be caught in one by myself. 

My phone buzzes to life with a message from Iz. “What are you talking about? Ladies night didn’t happen hunny.” I’m wigged. 

“Must’ve dreamt it! We need a night soon, hunnies.” I reply. 

“Ok Phoenix… This is the sitch, yesterday was Friday. You accidentally skipped work and today is Saturday. Wine night was just a dream because you have been missing Cree and Iz lately…” I am rambling to myself in the dark. Yes, that will spare my sanity. I drag myself off the couch since sleep isn’t happening. I step outside at around 9. Once again, the forest is roaring with life and so is the mother next door… 

“Brandy stop moving and put your damn flip flop on, we’re going to be late!”…. I need to leave.

I go to the store and begin piling snacks and random food items into my cart. It’s been a while since I’ve been food shopping so this is OK. 

“Ice cream and wine. Check.” I say to myself. Drink myself out of the loop. Yeah, that’ll work. I see this really cute girl staring intently at a box of Gushers. For a second, it’s as if my world isn’t imploding on itself and I’m just at the store looking at a beautiful girl I’d like to know. For some reason, she’s engrossed by these artificially flavored fruit snacks. It looks as if she’s deep in thought, something is on her mind so she is occupying the time with food shopping. She’s about my height; she’s got long and silky chocolate brown hair that’s pulled back into a messy bun. I realize that I’m staring at her with as much focus as she is at those Gushers. She feels my eyes and returns to reality, she glances at me. A subtle smirk spreads across her face as she looks me and my wine bottles up and down.

“The bigger the bottle the bigger the problem huh?” She jokes. 

“No bottle will solve this problem but at least it’ll make me forget about it.”

 She chuckles and walks away. I buy my wine bottles and go home to forget what day it is. 

Listen, I won’t lie, I like to party. I love day drinking. But cracking open a fresh bottle of wine the size of a bowling pin at 10 am by myself after realizing I may never live to see tomorrow is new for me. I can’t say I hate it. I sit on the couch. The News 12 anchor-bitch is still blabbering about the family cookout-- that is supposed to take place tomorrow-- too bad. I drunkenly type away on my laptop. Scouring the darkest corners of the internet to find out anything about time loops that exist outside of science fiction. Turns out, not many people who find themselves in my situation take to Reddit to write about it... I take notes from the Twilight Zone subreddit because at this point I’m desperate for answers. My quest for information bears no fruit. 

I did learn that a time loop is different from a causal loop, which would occur because of a previous event. My situation however, is anomalous and is unrelated to anything as far as I know. I’ve started a fresh note on my laptop titled “The Best Day Forever! :)).” This is where I dump everything I know about the situation. 

So far, I know that this loop resets but I don’t know the interval or the trigger. Things that I interact with seems to stay the same with the exception of people, they don’t remember our interactions. The coffee I made the first go around was still in the pot when I went for coffee round 2. People and things outside of my control reset as if they’re characters in a video game who have a script and a path. I begin thinking, dangerous thinking. 

“Why is this happening? Why to me?” I ask aloud as if someone is going to answer me. At this point, I wouldn’t be shocked if I got an answer from some omniscient voice. 

“What is the point of all of this?” I ask out loud again. Then I begin to think of everything I had done leading up to the moment I woke up on the morning of July 23rd the first time. My memory is extremely fogged, almost non-existent. I’m struggling to produce even the vaguest memory of anything that happened before Saturday. Was it raining yesterday? Did I even leave my house yesterday? I don't know. 

Come to think of it I don't remember much of anything before Saturday. I don’t know how I got this house. I don't know who Iz and Cree are except that we’re friends and have wine nights pretty often--though they have been less frequent for some reason. I don’t know Carter…But I do. 

It’s as if these memories were fabricated. I remember the facts. I, Phoenix, own this house in this pacific northwestern town and I am a barista at a local coffee shop. I moved to this town after graduating-- in hopes to pursue my dream of opening my own shop and building a house in the forest. Anything beyond that is smudged. I can make out the memory if I hyper-focus. But even then it’s just the blueprint of a life, details are scarce. I’m spiraling, existential crisis mode has initiated and now I’m just stressed out and drunk at 1 in the afternoon. I need air.

 I step outside and check my phone. The time is exactly 1:27 pm and a blue Subaru drives down my road with a big old husky hanging out the window living his best life. I start down the road towards the forest.

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

How to Avoid Purple Prose:  An Illustrated Guide

Okay, everyone!  I’ve taken some time off from answering questions because I wasn’t feeling well last week, but now I’m back and ready to inflict you all with more of my terrible advice. 

@worryinglyinnocent asked:

Hello there! I've just discovered this blog and I'm loving the tips! Do you have any advice for someone who has a horrible habit towards purple prose? I don't think I'm 'depthless cerulean orbs' bad, but I never use two words when I can use half a page, especially when describing characters' thoughts and feelings.

Great question!  I think we’ve all had a phase in which the majority of what we produced was purple prose, and considering there have been hugely successful authors (I’m not naming any names here, but I know you all thought of one) who flourished on the stuff, it’s not the worst thing you can do.

However, since we all care about our craft here, here is my personal advice on how to improve your writing! 

1.  Remember that simple can be beautiful.

“Translucent water trickled cleanly over dark gray stones and flickering ribbons of underwater plants.  The setting sun turned the surrounding field flaxen, dying the clouds a melancholy shade of amber.  The wind whispered through the lush fall trees, making them rustle like crisp paper.”

Used very sparingly, a sentence like this is okay, especially if the point of the point of the scene is to introduce the reader to a place that will be important to the plot or represent a mood.  

If there’s one every other page, you have a problem.  

“But Brooksie,” you, my Hypothetical Counterargument, cry.  “If I can’t use that many words to describe the scene every time, how will the audience know how to envision it!?”

Good question, Hypothetical Counterargument!  And as it just so happens, your audience is smart.  They don’t need the scene to be spoon-fed to them in order to envision the scene.

In fact, the scene will often be a lot richer to them if you leave a little to the imagination.  

So next time you want to set a scene like the one above, try something like:

“The stream trickled crisply over gray rocks, and the setting sun dyed the surrounding forest a melancholy shade of amber.” 

And you’re done.

Similarly, the same goes for describing a character’s thoughts and feelings.  Lets say your protagonist is going through gut-wrenching loss/betrayal/just got dumped.   

You may think using dramatic language will better convey what you’re character is feeling, right?  Wrong.  

When conveying grief and trauma, less is more.  Don’t say, “In the days that followed Cassandra was was wracked with agony, every waking second brimming with more pain than she ever thought imaginable.”   

Say, “In the days that followed, Cassandra felt hollow.”

Yes, that’s really usually all you need.  Cassandra’s actions and words will take care of the rest, so move on with your story.  

Which brings me to my next point:

2.  When it comes to descriptions, respect your reader’s time.

When a character is going to be of importance to the plot, you probably (i.e. not always) want the reader to get a good sense of what they look.

So within your first chapter, when they’re introduced, you say, “So-And-So had wide, doe-like brown eyes and thick honey-colored curls.  Their face was heart-shaped and smattered with multi-colored freckles.” 

Great!  I like So-And-So already, they sound adorable.  

What isn’t great is if you repeat this description fifty different times throughout the novel (yes, even if you’re using different words.)

This may come as a surprise to writers, but the physical appearance of characters alone isn’t what enamors them to readers, and stressing it over and over will not help them make a better impression or make the reader like them more.

I just finished an amazing book called Ocean At the End of the Lane, for example, in which the antagonist (an abusive nanny/secret eldritch horror/long-term resident of Bitch Island named Ursula) is described in great detail:  she’s beautiful, she has lovely makeup, she wears nice pleated skirts, et cetera.  And in case you can’t tell already, I fucking hated Ursula.  

Granted, since she goads the then seven-year-old protagonist’s (adulterous asshat) father into nearly drowning him in the bathtub, I’m pretty sure we’re intended to hate Ursula, but the fact remains that the excessive descriptions of Ursula’s physical beauty did nothing to stop me from hating her guts. 

The physical appearance of the unnamed protagonist and narrator, on the other hand, was never described at all.  We have no idea what he looks like -- just that in his adulthood, he resembles his father (who also isn’t described in detail) and is currently wearing a suit.    

Yet the narrator doesn’t fail to create a lasting impression, because his voice, his personality, his character traits were developed and memorable.

So feel free to describe your characters.  Just do so sparingly, and focus on developing their personalities more than their physical attributes. 

3.  Don’t write to impress your audience.

Every writer I know, myself included, wants to impress their audience.  There is no greater desire, and no greater feeling, than to leave them in awe, whether it be with your words, your characters, or the story itself.  

That said, your primary reason for writing cannot be to impress your audience, or you will, ironically, create shitty writing that very few people can actually enjoy.

In my humble experience, your audience can’t enjoy you’re writing unless they enjoy the journey that you’re taking them on.  And they can’t enjoy the journey you’re taking them on unless you’re enjoying it just as much as they are.

(I’m discounting Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, because he’s a freak of nature whose creation was an unwanted burden thrust upon him by the Gods.)

As the great Stephen King once put it, “When a good writer is having fun, the audience is almost always having fun, too.” 

So allow yourself to enjoy what you’re writing.  If a part of the book is dragging for you, chances are it will for the reader.  So skip it.  Rework the plot.  

Once you’re done you can always edit, but for now, write like nobody’s watching and enjoy the ride.

4.  Use your natural vocabulary.

Big words are beautiful, but the audience will be able to tell if you’re putting on heirs.  Whether your writing just wreaks of self-absorption and pomposity, or arguably even worse, when you’re just plain using the words wrong. 

When I was younger, for example, I used to use the word “admonished” liberally, thinking it meant “admitted.”  Spoiler alert:  it doesn’t.  It means “to warn or reprimand.”  

But I still love big words!!  “Sanctimonious.”  “Thrasonical.”  “Bombastic.”  “Quotidian.”  “Apropos.”  They’re fun to say, they’re fun to use, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t use them.  Just let them seep into your vocabulary naturally, and they will feel natural to the readers as well.

I expand my vocabulary by reading every day.  This wasn’t always the case, and I had to work through a bad case of reader’s block to get back to the point where I eat up books the way I do now.  But it’s worth it.  Joining sites like goodreads can also help, as it plays up the social aspects of reading and makes it just the right kind of competitive.

Similarly, newsletters like Merriam Webster’s Word of the Day are great for expanding your vocabulary in a fun and natural way.   

5.  Thesaurus isn’t evil (just use it selectively.)

That said, there are times when Thesaurus can come in handy.  

Sometimes, for example, the word your looking for simply isn’t in your conscious mind, and you have to go digging for an alternative.  That’s okay!  

Just make sure the word in question actually means what you think it means, and don’t make it your go-to tool for writing.  

As another example, I used Thesaurus a lot when I was writing from the point of view of a specific main character in my last novel, because he was a snobby, intellectual little shit who was a little too self-aware of how smart he was.  He had a tendency to swap “friends” for “casual compatriots,” “thinking out loud” for “verbal pontification,” et cetera, and generally sounded like he was reading off words from Thesaurus because that was the whole point.    

Basically, no rules are absolute;  just use your best judgement, and don’t be too dependent on tools like Thesaurus to choose your words for you.

I hope this helps, and happy writing! <3

[whats-sith]

Stress writing

For some reason I’m incapable of cultivating healthy writing (and living) habits. My anxiety has returned with a vengeance, thanks to the growing mountain of RL issues I try to forget and deal with later... So. Stress writing. It works better than whisky, but it also led to more anxiety because I almost got no sleep this night, I still need to hand in 5 pages of lesson outline by 7pm (in less than eight hours) and then I still have to do the preparations I could have finished at any time these past two weeks of holidays.

Here be fic. Written on no sleep, too much alcohol and no fucks left to give. Not betaed, probably a bit wonky. Not finished by far.

Might edit later (after I finish part two).

Skywalker is late. Of-fripping-course he is. Probably got lost while trying to disentangle himself from the thousands of layers of gauzy fabric that make up Senator Amidala's formidable skirts.

Mace tries very hard not to glare at the off-white spot of re-touched wall he has been staring at for the better part of an hour now. The wall is not at fault here. Neither is the green troll-like creature who currently occupies the single bunk this Force-forsaken cell has to offer.

Well. Maybe Yoda is partly at fault. After all, it was he who decided on this meeting. And this particular location.

Come to think of it, maybe Master Yoda is indeed the one mostly to blame for the current situation. And Qui-Gon Jinn, of course. Can't forget him.

At this epiphany, Mace decides to direct his not-glare at the only present (and living) source of his frustrations. Who appears to be meditating. Great.

"Look older than your old Master you will, if stuck this face becomes."

Only decades of practice since the cutting of his braid prevent Mace from smoothing his features into a mask of serenity as a reflex to the verbal jab. Instead he makes an effort to deepen his frown.

"Skywalker is late. And this place is vile." That alone should be justification enough.

"Hrmph." Master Yoda deigns to lift one eyelid to glance at the door that they left slightly ajar upon entering. "Unknown to most, this place is. Hard to find. Meant to keep in evil and meant to keep out the Force. Arrive soon, young Skywalker will."

Mace just wishes that "soon" was ten minutes ago.

He, as Master of the Order, has of course known about the existence of these cells. Built over a thousand years ago during the last Sith Wars, their purpose is to hold the most powerful darkside users. They are designed in a way that not only keeps prisoners from breaking out, but also ensures that nobody can assist a break-out attempt from the outside. In short, there is no way of using the Force from either the inside or the outside of this cell once the door is closed.

Considering that no-one (except Skywalker) knows where they are at the moment, this isn't exactly a comforting thought.

However, the reason Master Yoda had to choose this cell for a meeting far outweighs any feelings of discomfort Mace might have about the place and so he tries to distract himself with conversation.

"You are really sure that we should go through with it?"

"Doubtful of the information you still are?" Master Yoda finally opens his eyes and smirks. The audacity. "Thought that one proof would be enough I did."

"It is enough proof," Mace hastily says. He tries very hard not to think of that… proof. "I'm just not sure if this is really the right course of action in the light of this revelation…"

"Clouded by the darkside, the Force is. Sure we cannot be. Trust in young Skywalker, we must now."

Easier said than done, Mace thinks. He is the first to admit that he and Skywalker usually do not see eye to eye. About following commands. About showing the proper respect to your elders. About the appropriate amount of Muja sauce to douse your breakfast waffles with. About the Code.

Still, until last night, when Yoda roused him to reveal to him all that he had learnt, Mace Windu would never have thought twice about trusting Skywalker with his life - or the future of the Order.

Skywalker may often be rash and too emotional, but that is not unusual for young knights who constantly feel they have to prove something. If Mace is somewhat antagonistic towards Skywalker, it is because he believes that the man is a damn fine Jedi. A damn fine Jedi with the potential to maybe become the greatest Jedi the Order has seen in a very long time. Maybe he should have shown him…

"Masters?"

And there arrives the subject of Mace's musings. He's almost an hour late. At least he looks somewhat apologetic.

"Apologies for being late, Masters. I was not sure I got the right place so I turned back twice. They weren't big on numbering the corridors down here, were they." He explains sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck. There is a suspicious reddish streak peeking out of his collar. As usual, Mace determinedly does not take notice.

"Come in, Skywalker. I'd offer to take a seat, but I'm afraid that furnishings are rather sparse."

Skywalker gives the cell a cursory sweep with his gaze and doesn't even try to conceal how decidedly unimpressed he is with their choice of meeting place. Mace cannot blame him.

"What is this place?" He finally asks.

Look around and take a guess, Mace wants to say. He doesn't. Yoda only let him come because he promised not to provoke Skywalker. If they believe what Qui-Gon had to say, alienating the Chosen One is what they must try to prevent and not further encourage by their actions - or their in-action.

"The Order used these cells in the last great war against the Sith. They are completely cut-off from the Force. No-one can access the Force from inside here and no-one from the outside can sense what happens in here."

"Then why are we meeting here of all places?" Skywalker's narrows his eyes and fixes Mace with a stare. "And where are the other Masters of the Council? Why isn't Obi-Wan here? He is on-planet at the moment."

Trust Skywalker to open with the easy questions. Why can't he ever just first listen to what they have to say before he starts to question their motives? Mace breaks the stare and looks pointedly at Yoda. His plan - his turn for explanations. Mace sure as hell has no idea how to answer these questions in a nice and appeasing manner.

Apparently, neither does Master Yoda, because the next words out of his mouth are: "Know of this meeting, Master Kenobi must not. Important it is that he remains in the dark."

Following the Grandmaster's words, for the briefest moment, the Force flares up with Skywalker's distrust, sour and suffocating. In here, they are cut off from the outside world, so it feels like all that exists in the Force is the three of them. This must be the only reason why this briefest slip of Skywalker's shields let them get a clear read of his feelings. It's disconcerting to think that the Chosen One can harbour such negative feelings towards them. All the more considering what Qui-Gon has revealed to Master Yoda.

"Calm yourself, young Skywalker," Yoda continues without missing a beat.

"Contacted I was by a former student of mine. Some important information I have learned, about the Sith Master and his plans…"

"I'm sorry, Master Kenobi, but there really is no more paperwork." The Padawan behind the counter manages to look both apprehensive and apologetic at the same time. Obi-Wan still isn't convinced.

"How can there be no more paperwork? I have been away from the temple for almost three whole months. The backlog-"

"Be assured that all is in order, Master Kenobi." Madame Nu's  familiar voice interrupts suddenly from behind. "There have been some changes in administration recently, to increase efficiency and offer relief to desperately overworked Generals. So far, the results are compelling."

She glides next to the Padawan and checks the datapad of requisition notes and inventory logs that Obi-Wan has wanted to swap for a new one.  "Like I said, all seems to be in order. No need to frighten Padawan Badel any more than necessary. Good day, Master Kenobi. Enjoy your free time."  

Obi-Wan steps out of the archives and does not know what to do with himself. He has planned to spend the afternoon doing paperwork before he Council's evening session and then fall into bed. Tomorrow he was going to check on the progress of the repairs on the Negotiator and then repeat the cycle of paperwork, Council and sleep.

Meeting with Anakin for a bit of sparring and catching up has been on his agenda as well, until Anakin had to leave on an impromptu solo-mission to the Mid-Rim early this morning. The mission was only supposed to last three days at the most, but Obi-Wan would most likely already be gone when Anakin returned.

It really can't be helped. Duty always comes before pleasure. Maybe they would manage to see each other the next time they are both planet side.

Once there was a time when Obi-Wan looked forward to shore-leave on Coruscant. Shore-leave for his men, that is. Council-duties and paperwork usually keep his schedule sufficiently busy, but sometimes there is time for a friendly sparring match, a trip to the archives that is strictly for leisure -research can be fun, Anakin, thank you very much- taking a moment to watch the antics of their Padawan with her agemates or having a pleasant meal together at Dex's. On some rare occasions, he even managed a live holo-call to Mandalore over a secure connection.

Now though, there is nobody left on Mandalore to wait for his call. Nobody to scold him for the tardiness of his replies, to tease him about the scruffiness of his beard, to smile at him as they reminisce about simpler times long gone.

Now, when he steps into the Padawans' training salle, it always takes a moment for his eyes to finish their futile sweep for blue and white montrals and a pair of green sabres until his brain catches up and he remembers that Ahsoka won't be there anymore.

Now, the most he sees of Anakin is during joint missions between the 501st and the 212th. When they are both planet-side at the same time, Anakin prefers to spend his time away from the temple. Of course Obi-Wan knows to whomwhere Anakin goes in his free time (he doubts that there is anyone on Coruscant with functioning eyesight who doesn't) and he doesn't begrudge Anakin that bit of happiness.

And it's not as if they don't see each other at all - sometimes they manage to squeeze in a sparring match between debriefings or a late shared meal in their quarters - but spending time together used to be a given, a casual closeness without need of arrangements in advance… now all their meetings on temple grounds outside the training salle are characterised by an awkward stiffness, both of them trying to recreate their former closeness, but not knowing how to go about it.

It's not the Jedi way to regret or to wonder 'what if'. Still, in moments like this, when Obi-Wan can't help but miss the closeness he once shared with his former Padawan, he wonders if things might be different if he had never agreed to the Rako Hardeen mission. Or if he had allowed Anakin to accompany him to Mandalore. Or if he had done more to protect Ahsoka, to convince her to stay.

He only realises the depth of his melancholy musings when he sees where his feet have carried him without his explicit command. The hangar isn't usually a place where he spends any of his freetime, if he can help it. This is Anakin's territory.

Well- Obi-Wan might not be a genius at engineering like Anakin, but he is a passable mechanic. Spending the afternoon to do some basic maintenance on his own star fighter isn't such a bad idea.

Anakin's star fighter next to his own is expectedly missing. What is unexpected, however, is the sight of a familiar white and blue astromech standing in its place.

"Artoo?" At the call of his name, the droid swivels around. "Has Anakin left you here?"

Obi-Wan cannot understand binary, but the beeps and trills that answer his questions are sufficiently outraged that no translation is needed. It also catches the attention of every sentient within 200 feet.

"There is something wrong with his thrusters," calls one of the maintenance workers, a Weequay wearing the grey uniform of Temple ground personnel, from out of a half-dismantled cockpit. "Skywalker wanted to fix them as soon as he's back."

That explains it. When it comes to his droids, Anakin doesn't like to take risks. Were it that Anakin held his own life in similar regard.

He bends down and pats Artoo's dome. "Come on, Artoo. How about you help me do some maintenance? I might even spring an oil bath as a reward."

The droid humms and hawwws and finally beeps something unenthusiastic that Obi-Wan interprets as a 'Fine then.' He allows himself a fond smile. Artoo might be exasperating at times, but he can't deny that the little droid starts to grow on him.

From one moments to the next, the world ends.

Later the Healers will tell him that he just collapsed on his way from the hangar back to the apartment. He knows it is not the whole truth.

At the spot where it happened, two of the giant stained glass windows are completely blown out and one of the columns has to be reinforced due to its structural integrity being compromised.

All he can remember is feeling an instance of intense dread, reaching out to Anakin through their bond in confusion and then, pain.

Obi-Wan has read many descriptions of the excruciating pain that comes with the spontaneous severing of a Force-bond. He has also a lot of first-hand experience as the subject of many different, often quite creative torture techniques.

Neither the books, nor the torture could have ever prepared him for the reality of living through a torn bond.

After the pain comes the darkness and then the sterile white of the Halls of healing.

Master Yoda is there when he wakes that first time to a world without Anakin Skywalker. He doesn't have to say anything. Obi-Wan knows without a doubt that Anakin is dead. Their bond is gone and in its place, nothing. Physical wounds at least leave a scar, but when Obi-Wan reaches inside of himself to all the places that Anakin used to be, there is nothing left of him. The realisation leaves him numb.

Obi-Wan tries to keep is eyes on the ceiling. He cannot look Yoda in the eye.

Not yet.

"How?" he manages to croak. His voice sounds as if he had swallowed a bucket of sand. His vocal chords are on fire. Strange that he hasn't noticed before… did he scream?

"A malfunction in the hyperspace ring. Trigger an explosion it did, the moment he left hyperspace."

"Sabotage?" The ceiling is very white. Like all of the halls of Healing. Out of the corner of his eye, Obi-Wan sees Yoda shaking his head.

"An accident it was. Certain that is."

Anakin dying - not on a battlefield with a lightsaber in hand, Obi-Wan at his side- but alone in space because of mechanical failure? That can't be right… Anakin is the Chosen One. He cannot just be gone because of an accident.

Obi-Wan closes his eyes against all that whiteness. He lets out the breath he hasn't realised he's holding. Now the outside is dark again. Like the inside. With Anakin's light gone, all the world is very dark. Everything matches.

Funny that.

"Strong your bond was." He hears Yoda say from somewhere on the left of the outside-darkness. "Strong your attachment."

It's a statement, not a reprimand, but still Obi-Wan feels like a failure. His attachments have always been his greatest weakness. Not that there are very many left now.

He has the feeling that Master Yoda wants to say more, but after a while he hears him get up and leave the room.

tbc...

next up: the “funeral” of Anakin Skywalker, some explanations about what the hell is going on, lots and lots of Obi-Wan angsting and having chats with the Chancellor

[shockinggrasp]

VERY DESCRIPTIVE & DETAILED PROFILE OF YOUR MUSE

|| Repost with information on your muse, including headcanons, etc. If you fail to answer some of the facts, add some others of your own! When you’re done, tag some other people to do the same. ||

NAME:  Lariam Alsconti (Friends call him Lari)

AGE:  160

SPECIES:  High elf

GENDER:  male

SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  Pansexual

INTERESTS:  Magic, entertainment, fashion, history

GOAL: have fun, keep his friends happy, and learn more (mostly magic, but many things catch his interest)

PROFESSION:  Wizard

BODY TYPE: lanky, has been described as “noodly” but he would call his body type “lithe”

HEIGHT:  5’10”

SKIN:  Pale, with multiple tattoos - a dragon sitting in the clouds on his chest, and blue lightning down his right arm, as well as a cat’s pawprint in the shape of a heart on his upper thigh

HAIR: sherbet orange, and wavy. he keeps it in a loose ponytail. One of his bangs is shorter than the other because his parentslike to keep a fresh lock of his hair so he can be resurrected in case something should happen to him while he’s out adventuring

EYES:  dark blue, only needs glasses for reading, but he always is wearing them.

COMPANIONS: More than he can count. Lari’s been on many adventures and made many friends. Out of the ones still alive, his best companions are Laurel Luisliu, his girlfriend, a wood elf ranger of the gravewood. Edan Paisean, his mentor, a grumpy law mage, who mopes in his study when not out enforcing justice. Delilah, also a student of Edan’s, and a summoner, she’s now a very wise(?) old woman with more grand children than Lari can keep track of, Tesven, the teifling rouge, Dolgrim, the no-nonsense cleric of the Dwarven Goddess of Marriage, Slunt, the lizardfolk Alchemist, Lilah, the bee-witch, Kyn Fensalir, the cleric of war, Mal the half elf illusionist, Mockingham the gnome, Alumno Fletcher, the human Paladin, Hanako, the Kitsune monk, and probably some others, but I cannot recall or they could be dead.

ANTAGONISTS: Not many people who can call themselves antagonists of Lari are around, anymore, but there will always be Cultists (any and all), Danson (He’s not an enemy, just a really annoying party member.) People who seek to do evil to innocent people, and those fools at the academy

LOVES: Reading, writing, putting together new outfits, doodling, traveling, lounging and being fed grapes, the performing arts, pleasures of the flesh, practical jokes, music, lightning, riddles, good food

HATES: Cultists, racism, slavery, that noise children make when they first start practicing the violin, forgetting where he put something important, being bored, exercise

FEARS: being alone, hurting the people he cares about, the dark, to some extent

PERSONALITY TRAITS: confident, laid back (usually), extroverted, friendly, open-minded, has a good sense of humor, witty, observant, and helpful

PERSONALITY FLAWS: cocky, impulsive, absent-minded, hedonistic, he grew up pretty spoiled

COLORS: Green and gold

SMELLS:the ozone of electricity, and expensive yet subtle smelling fruity hair products

FRUITS: grapes, pineapples and oranges are his favorite, but he also likes peaches and watermelons. His family were rich spellcasters and could afford exotic fruits

DRINKS: Fruit juices, mainly, also anything sparkling

ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES: wine, mixed fruity drinks and champagne

SMOKES: Lari tried to get into pipe-smoking because the other cool wizards were doing it, but tobacco isn’t really his thing, and he typically doesn’t smoke hookah or weed unless someone else also is doing it or wants to do it with him. He’s a social smoker.

DRUGS: twice he took some sort of magical amphetamines, which he wouldn’t mind doing again.

DRIVERS LICENSE: Lari can drive an airship and a time machine. If he had a car, he’d speed like nobody’s business.

And I’m going to tag @beleaguered-lawmage, @lowelfconfidence, @icefiends and @darkroguewithhelp

[destineezara]

52 stories challenge!

So, this year I’m trying to write more original stories in opposition to only making fanfic.

In order to archive that, I’m trying to make a 52 stories challenge. That is one story per week for a whole year. 

I’m focusing on writing on Portuguese. I’ll publish the Portuguese stuff in another blog (that I can share more freely with people that I know in real life) and reblog it here.  Meanwhile, I’ll also try to write stuff in English and publish it here!

here is the list with all the themes that I’ll do (under the cut)

52 weeks story challenge

1. A Story entitled “Just getting started”

2. Write a story with the “Instructions for a walk in the woods”

Instructions for a walk in the woods

Never turn around to check behind you. You’ll see nothing, but once you start doing it you won’t be able to stop, and an ominous feeling will follow you until you don’t lock your house’s door behind you.

If you stand very still and listen you will hear the woods calling for you. Don’t answer. Never answer.

You’ll hear things quietly following you, hidden in the trees by your sides. It’s okay, they’re just checking on you.

Don’t be scared, but be really, really wary.

If you have a bad feeling about taking a certain path, don’t. You’ll avoid whatever is waiting for you at the end of it.

You never know what may be buried under the soil you’re walking on. Remember that every time you take a step. Pray that whatever it is, it won’t wake up.

Be careful not to step on any beetle, or you’ll never get rid of them.

If you bring a knife with you, name it. Otherwise the blade will turn against you as soon as you try to use it.

Make sure you remember the way back home. As soon as you get lost, you’re just another piece of fresh meat.

3. Theme: We meet at this supernatural pub and we complain to each other about this subject we are assigned to. We slowly realise that it’s the same person and since you’re the grim reaper and I’m their guardian angel that could become a problem

4. Theme: Everyone has a price

5. Write a couple meeting each other for the first time, at night, in the woods, while both trying to dispose of their freshly killed corpses

6. “So, you’re the unfortunate soul stuck with me.” Bitter Soulmate starter

7. You know, being a diagnostician in a world with more public magical creatures must be a trip and a half. -> It can be either magic-themed, or superhero themed (with all those random powers and how the physiology of those people should work)

8. Theme: “I just saw my reflection blink”

9. Write a scene immediately following a tragedy. You may give hints to what the tragedy could be, but you cannot reveal what it really is/was

10. Write about a character who happens to live in an island amongst the clouds. How did this character end up there? Do they live alone? How is life in such a place? And, above all, how would this character react to seeing a black airship off in the distance?

11. Theme: Peace and I are strangers

12. Theme: They say the loveliest angels make the cruellest demons. And, my darling, you were so kind and beautiful before they dragged you to hell. Your fall was no accident. You were chosen to be damned.

13. “Where do we go from here?” Dark starter

14. “How did you possibly know that? It saved our lives!” “I’ve got two degrees and I spend way too much time on Wikipedia.”

15. Write about the person you are know, meeting the alternate version of yourself at the same age you imagined you would be at a younger age

16. Write about a character who once lived in an utopia, just before it fell into chaos. The catch? This character survived the destruction, and has now found a home in an unlikely place. Double catch? One day, one of their new friends asks to hear the full story of this ‘perfect city.’

17. Theme: There were children playing in the bones of the leviathan that had washed up on the beach.

18. The car won’t start. They call an Uber. (Dark theme, making it as dark as possible)

19. Theme: Cathedrals of Steel

20. Write about a character as they explore an abandoned factory that is said to be haunted. The catch? The factory is not actually haunted, though it is home to something worse. Double catch? This character has no recollection of how they got to the factory in the first place.

21. The Tarot cards and the Hero’s Journey

22. A story that takes place entirely inside a vehicle

23. “Bet I can make you come without ever touching your cock.” BDSM Starter

24. Theme: A witch has eyes made from shadow and starlight, given to her in a game with a demon. Nobody dares to ask what she wagered- they aren’t even sure she won.

25. Write about a character who happens to be an architect. The catch? This character has been hired to design a mansion. Double catch? The ‘Mansion’ is going to serve another, darker, purpose. Triple catch? This character has not yet realized this.

26. Theme: “The truth finds more comfort in the dark” subverting the dark/light stereotypes***

27. Write a creation myth.

28. Theme: “Passengers, this isn’t your captain speaking”

29. “If I fall from the grace of God where no murdered ghost can haunt me..” Dark starter.

30. Theme: The child she bares will be the devil’s spawn. Good thing she doesn’t want kids. Or if she changes her mind she can always adopt.

31. Werewolves families*** AND/OR All women werewolves packs*** (AKA subverting the “Alpha male wild werewolf” trope)

32. Theme: A Ballet of Blades

33. Theme : “I ran your name through the police database and it says that you were born in the 1800’s. Want to tell me your real name or do I have to arrest you”

34. “She will KILL you.” Dark starter

35. Theme: “You’d need an ARMY to fight this evil!” “Okay. I’ve got 20,000 followers, lets see how many can make it.”

36. A story about discovering that a certain religion (or your own) has been proven to be true.

37. “You’ve been crying haven’t you?” Angst Starter

38. Theme: Six inch heels, she walked in the club like nobody’s business. Goddamn, she murdered everybody and I was he witness.

39. Theme: I’m an angel and I think I forgot my halo at your place when we fucked last night

40. Write about a character who happens to be an enforcer of the law in a world where magic is a commodity. The catch? This character has been tasked with executing the sole suspect of a horrible crime, even if there is little proof. Double catch? This suspect is a child.

41. Theme: You wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of your books speaking to each other. Which books are speaking, and what are they saying?

42. Theme: Every year on your birthday, you are visited by yourself from one year in the future. This year, no one shows up.

43. “Just watch it with me. Maybe it’ll give us some ideas.” BDSM Starter

44. Theme: 25¢ pocket guardian angels. Only require love and the occasional bite of your food (bubble-gum Machine)

45. Theme: a Mermaid in the Sea World ***

46. Write about a character who has just recently gotten engaged with their long-time partner. The catch? A stranger approaches this character and reveals that they’re a potion salesman. Double catch? The salesman also reveals that this character’s fiancée bought a love potion from them several years back.

47. “These test results..don’t make any sense.” Dark starter

48. A story about a journey

49. Theme: I’m an ancient god and you’re my newest sacrifice but maybe we could do something other than me eating you because I’m actually quite full

50. Theme: A pirate captain lost her arm to a shark attack: a passing selkie saved her, and gave her tattoos of kraken blood. Now she has an arm made of salt-water, that grows and wanes with the tides, and swings a cutlass as well as the original. (She doesn’t sail as far these days though: she doesn’t want her wife to worry.)

51. Write a story in which people age until they reach 18 and then stop aging until they meet their soul mate so they can grow old together. What if you killed your soul mate so you’d make sure you never aged. This just makes me really want a story where the main antagonist is someone who has been killing their soulmate for centuries whenever they find them, and the main protagonist is the newly re-incarnated version of their soulmate.

52. A Story entitled “The End”

The themes were picked from tumblr by me and some friends!

[millk54]

The Coup, Phase Two: Taking Trump Down

"Time to investigate the Obama officials who concocted and spread the Russian conspiracy hoax."

Mark Alexander

"No compact among men ... can be pronounced everlasting and inviolable, and if I may so express myself, that no Wall of words, that no mound of parchment can be so formed as to stand against the sweeping torrent of boundless ambition on the one side, aided by the sapping current of corrupted morals on the other." —George Washington (1798)

The special counsel's investigation of President Donald Trump's alleged collusion with Russia to influence the 2016 election has concluded. Attorney General William Barr released to Congress his "principal conclusions" regarding Robert Mueller's nearly two-year probe, noting most succinctly: "The Special Counsel's investigation did not find that the Trump campaign or anyone associated with it conspired or coordinated with Russia in its efforts to influence the 2016 U.S. presidential election."

According to Barr, "The Special Counsel issued more than 2,800 subpoenas, executed nearly 500 search warrants, obtained more than 230 orders for communication records, issued almost 50 orders authorizing the use of pen registers, made 13 requests to foreign governments for evidence, and interviewed approximately 500 witnesses." All that notwithstanding, Barr says Mueller "did not find that the Trump campaign, or anyone associated with it, conspired or coordinated with the Russian government in these efforts, despite multiple offers from Russian-affiliated individuals to assist the Trump campaign."

In other words, the setup for this investigation was designed to derail Trump's agenda and seek evidence that would lead to his impeachment. It has certainly been a distraction from his agenda. But while there is no evidence — zero evidence — of collusion regarding the 2016 election, Democrats did use the Mueller probe to influence the outcome of the 2018 midterm elections.

President Trump responded to the investigation's conclusion, noting, "It was a false narrative. It was a terrible thing. We can never let this happen to another president again." He added, "There are a lot of people out there that have done some very, very evil things. Very bad things. I would say treasonous things against our country. And hopefully, the people that have done such harm to our country ... those people will certainly be looked at."

Regarding Russian interference, I've stated previously that Russia has been trying to influence the politics of the United States since 1917. And as noted above, the Russians did so with great success in 2018, with the unwitting collusion of theDemocrat Party. The question this raises is whether Vladimir Putin baited the Demos into this inquiry, knowing it would hinder Trump's agenda — most particularly his policy toward Russia and China. Is he that smart, or are they that dumb?

Seeding the Mueller investigation was Phase One of the Democrats' attempted coup of Donald Trump. So where will they take it from here, and how will Republicans respond?

Before answering those questions, let's briefly review the origins of and motives for the Mueller investigation.

A coup d'état in a democratic republic refers to an effort by a political faction to seize power in violation of a government's constitutionally prescribed electoral process for party transition. I have previously covered such a coup by key government officials who colluded to, in effect, overthrow the Trump administration by setting Trump up for investigation and impeachment.

In short, the conspirators were Barack Obama (with whom the plan originated), Hillary Clinton and her DNC operatives, former FBI Director James Comey and his high-ranking co-conspirators, former Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, former CIA Director John Brennan, who repeatedly asserted Trump was guilty, and a cast of less-corrupt characters.

There are two reliable and detailed open-source timelines on the government collusion against Trump. The first is the well-documented outline by Republican National Committee research. A second and more concise timeline was published by The Wall Street Journal.

So where to from here?

It appears that Republicans are going to go on the offensive.

Senate Judiciary Chairman Lindsey Graham is reiterating his call for the appointment of another special counsel: "I'm going to get answers to this [government corruption]. I'd like to find somebody [who] can look into what happened with the [Carter Page] FISA warrants, [and] the counterintelligence investigation. ... What makes no sense to me is that all of the abuse by the Department of Justice and the FBI, the unprofessional conduct, the shady behavior — nobody seems to think that's [very] important. Well, that's gonna change. ... I hope Mr. Barr will appoint somebody outside the current system to look into these allegations, somebody we all trust, and let them do what Mueller did."

Referring to the abuse of the FISA warrant process, Graham said, "Was it a ruse to get into the Trump campaign? I don't know but I'm going to try to find out."

Likewise, Sen. Rand Paul declared, "Time to investigate the Obama officials who concocted and spread the Russian conspiracy hoax! I'm very concerned that it's becoming more clear that the Obama administration was able to obtain a FISA warrant to spy on our campaign based on phony opposition research from the Clinton campaign. Having federal law enforcement spy on a presidential campaign based on phony campaign research is really distressing and the true untold story."

Wall Street Journal political analyst William McGurn is calling out Obama intelligence chiefs who set Trump up: "In light of Mr. Mueller's findings, there are only two ways to interpret these actions and statements from senior members of the intelligence community. The first is that they got played because they were incompetent... But there's something even worse than an intelligence community that has been played. It's an intelligence community that chose to play along simply because its members hated Donald Trump."

Political journalist Sharyl Attkisson concurs: "If [James] Clapper, Brennan, [Susan] Rice, [Samantha] Power, [and] Comey genuinely believed Trump 'colluded' with Russia and he didn't, what does that say about the judgment of our one-time top intel types?"

Former prosecutor Andrew McCarthy concludes: "In sum, we have endured a two-year ordeal in which the president of the United States was forced to govern under a cloud of suspicion — suspicion of being a traitor, of scheming with a foreign adversary to steal an election. This happened because the Obama administration — which opened the probe of the Trump campaign, and which opted to use foreign counterintelligence spying powers rather than give Trump a defensive briefing about suspected Russian infiltration of his campaign — methodically forced its suspicions about Trump into the public domain."

McCarthy is also calling the bluff of Trump's Demo antagonists clamoring for the full Mueller report. "Let's have full disclosure," he says. "Mueller's report in addition to the FISA applications; the memoranda pertinent to the opening and continuation of the investigation; the testimony in secret hearings; the scope memorandum Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein issued on August 2, 2017, after failing to cite a crime when he appointed Mueller — let's have all of it."

In addition to calls for another special prosecutor, we soon expect the second part of the report from Justice Department Inspector General Michael Horowitz — the part regarding the FBI's abuse of FISA warrants to spy on the Trump campaign, as well as the Clinton campaign's collusion with those FBI officials. The first part of the Horowitz investigation concluded that Comey and assorted deep-state operatives provided cover for Clinton, using their offices to undermine Trump's campaign.

As for the Democrats ... it's on to Phase Two.

Knowing full well that the Mueller report would be a dry well with no evidence to impeach Trump for colluding with the Russians, Democrats have been readying Phase Two of their charade — the assertion that Trump is impeachable for obstruction. This will be a heavy lift, since Mueller has now concluded that there was no crime. And why would Trump (or anyone else) attempt to obstruct an investigation into a crime that never took place?

Comey has an "answer" for that: "The notion that obstruction cases are somehow undermined by the absence of proof of an underlying crime — that is not my experience in 40 years of doing this, nor is it the Department of Justice's tradition. Obstruction crimes matter without regard to what you prove about the underlying crime."

Of course, he'd say that — he's got books to sell.

But Democrats don't actually have to undertake impeachment proceedings to continue obstructing Trump's agenda; they just have to keep the collusion delusion alive.

Rallying their reliable constituency of "true believer" dunces, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer declared: "Attorney General Barr's letter raises as many questions as it answers. The fact that Special Counsel Mueller's report does not exonerate the president on a charge as serious as obstruction of justice demonstrates how urgent it is that the full report and underlying documentation be made public without any further delay. ... The American people have a right to know."

They then issued a "one-week" ultimatum for the release of the report by April 2nd, knowing it will take Barr several weeks to redact sections that reveal sources and methods. This is a set-up to assert that Barr is colluding with Trump to delay release in order to conceal evidence of obstruction. And, once released, all of the redacted sections about sources and methods will be fodder for the same collusion assertion.

In lockstep, House Judiciary Committee Chairman Jerry Nadler (D-NY) and House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff (D-CA) parroted the Pelosi and Schumer complaint: "Your four-page summary of the Special Counsel's review is not sufficient for Congress, as a coequal branch of government, to perform [its] critical work. The release of the full report and the underlying evidence and documents is urgently needed by our committees to perform their duties under the Constitution."

They are also demanding that Barr testify before their committees: "We must hear from AG Barr about his decision-making and see all the underlying evidence for the American people to know all the facts."

Of course, all this newfound Democrat concern that "the American people have a right to know" and about "duties under the Constitution" warrants endless eye rolls.

Nadler insists: "President Trump is wrong. This report does not amount to a so-called total exoneration. ... There must be full transparency in what Special Counsel Mueller uncovered to not exonerate the president from wrongdoing. DOJ owes the public more than just a brief synopsis and decision not to go any further in their work."

Recall that Nadler concluded, "It's clear that the campaign colluded, and there's a lot of evidence of that."

Schiff insisted, "The Russians offered help, the campaign accepted help, the Russians gave help, and the president made full use of that help, and that is pretty damning." He concluded there was a cover-up "of a size and scope probably beyond Watergate."

My friend Rep. Mark Green (R-TN) is calling for Schiff to step down as House Intel chairman: "Many, many times he mentioned that there was this credible evidence that he had seen and that he had verified, and after a two-year, lengthy investigation by a very respected prosecutor, we have no evidence of collusion. In fact, the only evidence of collusion has been between the liberal media and the DNC to throw the 2020 election."

Watch Nadler and Schiff turn on Mueller, as they will on Barr.

Over in the Senate, Richard "Stolen Valor" Blumenthal (D-CT) led the charge: "The evidence is pretty clear that there was collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russians." Days ahead of the Mueller report, he asserted, "There are indictments in this president's future. They're coming."

The Senate 2020 Demo presidential candidates also got the Pelosi/Schumer memo, all echoing similar accusations of guilt — much the same assumption of guilt members like Kamala Harris and Cory Booker applied in their effort to defeat Brett Kavanaugh.

And predictably, a freshman Democrat, Rep. Katie Hill (D-CA), who was among the 2018 herd that was elected on the collusion lie, insists, "We have the evidence over the last two years that the Mueller investigation was not covering that is highly, highly suspicious." I can't wait to hear all about it!

All this, of course, amounts to a continuation of the Democrats' "Hate Trump" platform. They have nothing else to offer beyond their insistence that Trump stole the 2016 election, that he's an illegitimate president, and that our nation's very survival hinges on their retaking the White House in 2020.

But will Democrats outside the Beltway develop chronic collusion fatigue? Apparently, some Demos are concerned about that.

Signaling a partial pivot from collusion to the so-called "Affordable Care Act," Pelosi says the House will return to the health-care debate. "We've never taken our focus off the 'For the People' agenda," she declared. "Never," except for always. House Majority Whip James Clyburn (D-SC) actually dismissed Mueller: "I believe that the Mueller report has been done. It's a chapter that's closed. This administration opened a new chapter when it moved to completely invalidate the Affordable Care Act."

Beyond the Demo damage, the best collateral damage to come out of the Mueller report is that of the Leftmedia propagandists, who've taken a huge hit for their brazenly biased reporting during this whole affair. As The Hill notes, "The breathless coverage amplified the sense that Trump and some of his family members would go down for crimes, yet in the end, Mueller reported that he found no evidence of a conspiracy."

The Wall Street Journal called it "A Catastrophic Media Failure," noting, "America's blue-chip journalists botched the entire story, from its birth during the presidential campaign to its final breath Sunday — and they never stopped congratulating themselves for it."

As National Review's Rich Lowry correctly notes: "The 3 biggest losers from the Mueller report in order — the media, the media, the media."

Since May of 2017, The New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN, and MSNBC posted a combined 8,507 articles and reports citing Mueller's investigation. That's an average of about 13 articles every day.

Recall that the Times and WaPo shared the 2018 Pulitzer Prize for "award-winning" journalism, specifically "for deeply sourced, relentlessly reported coverage in the public interest that dramatically furthered the nation's understanding of Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election and its connections to the Trump campaign, the President-elect's transition team and his eventual administration."

The Pulitzer Prize long ago lost its luster, however, just as has the Nobel Peace Prize. Both of these once-esteemed awards are now grossly tarnished partisan trophies for leftist political hacks.

Of the Leftmedia cable talking head platforms, the most aggressively biased has been CNN. It repeatedly trotted out "experts" like Watergate reporter Carl Bernstein, who said with great authority, "We do know that Donald Trump Sr. has lied throughout the investigation, that many, many things he has said turn out to be untrue."

Except he didn't.

After the Mueller report dropped (and CNN's viewership with it), Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani confronted CNN's Chris Cuomo about his network's bias: "You guys on this network have tortured this man for two years with collusion and nobody has apologized for it. Before we talk about obstruction, apologize for the overreaction of collusion... I'm outraged by the behavior of these networks. Collusion, collusion, collusion, collusion, collusion, collusion. No collusion, Chris. No collusion. Apologize!"

Good luck with that, Rudy.

Leftist Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz also called out CNN: "I have been right from day one... It's time for them to fess up. It's time for CNN to issue an apology. CNN banned me from their air because I was being too fair. I was trying to assess what the essential issue was, and I wasn't being partisan. They didn't want that."

Good luck with that, Alan.

According to revered journalist Brit Hume: "We in this business need to look back and say how in the world did several major news organs, networks, newspapers and so on, devote so much time to what turned out to be utterly baseless speculation about the most serious crime you can imagine, mounting in some cases in the accusations we heard in some conversations to treason? It is the worst journalistic debacle in my lifetime. I've been in this business for about 50 years. I've never seen anything quite this bad last this long. It was a terrible thing. It needs to be investigated. There needs to be a lot of soul-searching among many members of the media today and going forward."

I couldn't agree more. But it won't happen.

As to how a handful of high-ranking government officials, the Democrats in Congress, and the Leftmedia were able to perpetuate this bald-faced collusion lie for the past two years: All Americans of every political stripe should be gravely concerned about what happened here. And, as President Trump said, "We can never let this happen to another president again."

Semper Vigilans Fortis Paratus et Fidelis Pro Deo et Libertate — 1776