#no way am i sharing that on my public twitter but i MIGHT post it here if i decide to be brave

[stardoopy]

i love holding my own art hostage. it's like only 5 select people get to see this drawing that i am slightly embarrassed about, so i will only share it publicly if everyone promises to be very very nice to me forever and ever

[terribleinfluence-tour]

Let’s address the situation

Recently an anonymous reddit/twitter user has accused me of being a stalker of dan and phil because of the way this blog is run.

So, let’s talk about it.

Let’s start with the absolute facts: I have never posted anything to this blog that wasn’t public information.

1. I have never doxxed the location of the tour bus.

Things i have posted about the tour bus: a photo from a crew member where the bus company was visible, a story that Kelly posted that was location tagged to a road in the middle of nowhere showing that dan and phil weren’t in vegas on oct 19.

Reasons why I don’t believe this to be wrong: Any of you who have waited at stage door can see the company is written on the bus, it is not confidential information, knowing the bus companies name does not give you any personal information about dan and phil. As for the location tag, it was in the middle of nowhere, they were already in their next location when it was posted, I was not the first person to post this story, i only posted it cos It was already all over twitter. (however this is the only story i’ve posted that i will gladly take criticism for despite my justifications)

2. I have only posted stories from 2 crew members: Kelly and Sarah. These are public instagram accounts. I only post their stories that are related to the tour itself. I am not the only person and I was not the first person to post these stories anywhere. I have never posted anything from any crew who have private accounts because 1) i can’t see that content cos I obviously do not follow those accounts and 2) i don’t post private information, it’s private for a reason.

I did not seek out the crew accounts, i didn’t not look for them myself, i only knew what they were because multiple people had already been posting the stories from the accounts way before me on both twitter and tumblr. Both these people know phannies follow them on instagram, they’re not going to post anything with information they don’t want you to know.

Despite my justifications, from now on I will be cropping out the usernames of these crew members who do share stuff publicly and in captions i will only be referring to them as crew.

3. Audio Recordings.

First disclaimer: I have never encouraged video recording of the show! I think that it’s distracting to dan and phil and i really think you should be living in the moment when you see this show. There is a reason we have never posted videos of the show on this blog even in our spoiler tag. I believe audio recording to be more harmless because you can just put your phone out of the way and it’s distracting no one at all.

The concept of sharing audio recordings of the show were not my idea, this started on the european leg of the tour by people on twitter, If you look back at the recordings i have posted you’ll see that all the europe audios (apart from antwerp) do not link to our google drive. I did decide to carry this on during the American leg.

I have never forced anyone to do this, I have only approached 1 person directly to see if they could record. The rest were all volunteers who saw my posts asking if anyone would do it and they all came to me on their own accord.

I very much understand the criticism on audio recording shows, however I want to look at this from not only a preservation effort but also as a way to make this show accessible to people who might for whatever reason not be able to attend as well as it being a way for you to go and listen to the show you attend again if you wanted to.

This being said I am no longer going to ask for specific shows and instead say that if you just happen to audio record a show and would be willing to let me post it then you can message me (@danrifics ) and i will post it. (this goes for the australian leg and the UK leg too) I will also at the end of the tour make a post with what’s missing and we’ll see if anyone recorded or not.

Finally I want to thank everyone for their continued support of the blog and its archiving efforts and I hope you all stick with me while we change things a little bit and I look forward to continuing to share content with you all and I can’t wait to reveal a few blog pages we’ve been working on!

- Bethanie

[abstractnaturaldisaster]

is it over now? (was it over then?)

part five

part six: with the wilt of the rose

With the success of Eddie's Steve single as his bandmates had started to call it, the label had basically told Corroded Coffin in no uncertain terms to channel that energy into the rest of their album. It wasn't that Eddie didn't like the attention his song was getting and Steve absolutely deserved it, the lying piece of shit, but it was like getting permission to write angsty music about Steve took all the fun out of it. He was fully out of inspiration of the angst variety and had taken a hard left turn into moping, feeling sorry for himself, and being one thousand percent convinced that he was going to be single for the rest of his life and die alone.

Eddie was reclining in his giant beanbag chair (his nest as Steve used to joke with him), occasionally humming lines, strumming on his guitar, and writing more and more pathetically dramatic lyrics for most of the day until he reached his limit and pulled out his phone. It wasn't like Eddie was purposefully keeping track of people in Steve's life but over the time they were together his little gaggle of gremlins wormed his way into Eddie's life too. Unfortunately when he opened his phone it was to tweets of Dustin going low key feral over Steve's new role in some indie biopic but at the same time being crazy upset that Steve would be incommunicado as Dustin so helpfully added in his tweet. The kid was such a dweeb. Eddie flicked out of twitter and opened instagram hoping that his feed would be mostly possum memes. He scrolled idly for a while seeing new tattoo ideas and of course many cute furry animals doing many silly things until suddenly he was reminded of a particular face Steve made and Eddie (although he would never admit this) searched for Steve's public profile only a little disappointed that he hadn't posted anything more recent than when the two were together.

Because Eddie may or may not be a massive masochist and can't leave well enough alone, he decides to tab over to Steve's tagged pictures to see if there is anything recent. In between several tags of Steve being unfairly good looking in whatever movie he was currently filming, Eddie was taken aback by a post that was just of Robin and Nancy. They looked a little closer than just gal pals or whatever it was the tabloids called them while speculating how they could be friends while "fighting" over Steve. So much for modern feminism.

Before Eddie got distracted enough to go through a full rant that might include a fairly long section about how Ronnie was treated differently than the rest of his bandmates, Eddie focused back on the issue at hand. Why was Nancy who he highly suspected of stealing his fucking boyfriend posing like she was getting engaged to Steve's best friend. And why did they fucking tag him it it? Robin was snarky sure but she didn't seem like that level of bitch. Eddie took a deep breath and opened the fairly lengthy caption to see:

nancywheeler Hello World! It's been a long time coming but I am so excited to publicly announce that me and Robin (@buckster) are going steady. I know I don't post a whole lot about my person life on here (seriously, the rest of the world is so much more exciting) but you've always been so supportive of my coming out and sexuality related posts as well as understanding when I needed to set a boundary between my personal life and my online persona. I've been unable to share my most recent relationship for a really long time because of the public pressure of coming out and being a "marketable asset." Steve (@sharrington) could not have been a better support during this time and took a lot of public flak to keep Robin and I safe and comfortable until we were ready to be out publicly. He always offered up his home while I was visiting and kept me company while Robin was working. I guess us bi guys have to stick together, huh? Anyways, that's all for now. And no, we aren't engaged (yet 😈)

Eddie was floored. He had spent all his time since leaving Steve's apartment feeling very holier than thou and smug about everything that happened with Steve and the success his band was experience because of it. Although if one Miss Nancy Wheeler was telling the truth (which like as a journalist Eddie thinks she has to), Steve was actually helping his platonic soulmate find love with his exgirlfriend. If Eddie hadn't already felt kind of shitty for assuming the worst about Steve, this had to take the fucking cake. Eddie was truly done for. Put a fork in him. He's the worst person ever. Fuck. He needed reinforcements.

devilededs: uhm hi friends, i think maybe i am the asshole in the whole steve situation can u come to mine?

ronnie: you saw it? i can finally give you shit about being a total drama queen?

devilededs: what do you mean? why would you not tell me if you knew it existed.

ronnie: precisely because of this vibe right now.

devilededs: okay, everyone but ronnie pls come over i need snacks and maybe some really b grade horror but you have to indulge me in my sadness.

garbear: already on the way with your emotional support jeff and frank. we'll pick up snacks.

ronnie: if you let me problem solve for you can i come for snacks? i don't think i can handle moping eddie without trying to show you its very fixable.

devilededs: YES! FIX! ME! HOW! GET OVER HERE!

Eddie flopped back into the beanbag chair and let his notebook flop out of his lap. Thankfully his friends all had keys so he could continue to rot in place until Ronnie forcibly withdrew him from his hovel.

part seven

@lololol-1234 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @zombiethingy @grtwdsmwhr @dreamercec @anne-bennett-cosplayer @strawberryyyenthusiast @mensch-anthropos-human @kal-ology @ttyrussss @kristmkris @starman-jpg @wonderland-girl143-blog @child-of-cthulhu @legalmenace87 @adealwithher @practicallybegging @lunaraquaenby @stripey82 @lexyvey @goodolefashionedloverboi @mothmamhasyourlocation @mugloversonly (if you wanna be tagged in future parts feel free to comment! happy to add people)

[quarterlifekitty]

all I’m sayin is that it’s like you said: text isn’t indicative of tone. thus it’s actually a choice to decide someone is being demanding instead of eager & passionate without digging further. I personally choose to assume the best as often as humanly possible, bc it’s just as easy to respond with “that’s all I got for this one, glad you liked it” instead of calling someone out for a tone that likely wasn’t even what they meant  🤷‍♀️ but you do what you need to do, man.

ironically parsing actual real meaningful feedback on creative works (which no one in fandom actually wants fwiw, made that mistake once & never again) is literally more than half of my job, and tbh even in real life the biggest compliments (and the North Star we’re usually chasing) actually come from strangers whose reactions usually read along the lines of “MORE OF THAT, HOLY SHIT” or “I NEED 12 OF THEM” or “OH MY GOD AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN” or even just an emphatic “FUCK”. the real difference IRL is hearing the gasp, seeing the enthusiasm, the grin, and watching as someone absolutely sparkles upon seeing/reading/playtesting/experiencing your work for the very first time. & personally I haven’t met anyone yet who hasn’t outright laughed at some of the more out of pocket reactions, everyone’s always taken it as it was meant: a very raw & enthusiastic compliment. same kind of shit that makes us all gasp and kick our feet and blurt nonsense in the dark to an empty room at 3AM when a fic hits just right.

anyway my only real point is that the knee jerk reaction of putting up boundaries (or ffs doin shit like posting a screenshot dragging folks on reddit or twitter & then wondering why “no one comments anymore” 💀🪦) against what was PROBABLY just keyboard-mashing excitement gets just as disheartening it feels to have someone leave a genuinely rude comment (or no comments at all), so maybe consider that there might be another perspective. 

I wish you the best, good luck with your work in the future

Man. I am aware that these comments are meant to be enthusiastic and positive. But they do not make me feel good. But it’s nice of you to let me know that I get to choose how I feel! And how I interpret text from a stranger! That’s very helpful.

I think it’s also INSANE that you construe me having boundaries concerning how strangers interact with me on my personal writing as being a negative reaction. I cannot hear your voice. I cannot see your face. Sorry that I don’t have such an immersive imagination. Reading something and hearing it being said has a delta between it that my minuscule brain is apparently unable to ford. It’s incredible that me saying “I don’t like it when people say that because it doesn’t make me feel good, so please don’t say things like that to me” makes you react in this way. I’m my own person. I’m not you. No one is you. You cannot control how other people react to what you say.

I’m not talking about your job or the general public or “how fandom doesn’t want real feedback”. I’m saying that there’s a type of response that kills my motivation. I am not an idiot. I am aware that it is not meant to be demanding. But it’s crazy that your response to me saying “I don’t like it when you talk to me that way” is “well you should be interpreting what I say positively instead!”. That’s not how human relationships work. I feel an enormous amount of pity for anyone who has ever tried to tell you that you hurt their feelings when you didn’t intend to.

I am beyond this blog. I have spent many many years trying to make readers happy by sharing what I make and I would have quit a long long time ago if I didn’t occasionally get nice and meaningful interactions with others. But the people who just type that they want more or they want 60k words or they want part two? I never hear from those people beyond that. Those are one time interactions. I don’t see those people as repeat presences in my notes. Which tends to illustrate that myself and my body of work are more or less irrelevant to them. And that’s fine. But don’t expect me to see you as a potential friend if that’s the case. Idk.

Also I don’t recall posting any screenshots from Reddit or Twitter dragging anyone. I get the feeling this is no longer about me, but about some greater beef.

[a-minke-whales-tale]

Metacommentary on "TikTok Therians" - A Curious Observation

There is currently a lot of discourse regarding tiktok therians and I have noticed something odd. Often when I see people here complain about "TikTok therians" it is their lack of education and not taking things seiously and their views against physical nonhumans and CLCZs (clinical lycanthropes/clinical zoanthropes). Then often in replies there are comments from young therians expressing their frustration that they -do- put in the work and -are- serious and express acceptance of clczs. Today in a discord server someone was complaining of "TikTok therians" and their lack of education and their pushing of holothere and physical nonhuman identity.

This is rather curious naturally as you have two seperate groups hating "TikTok therians" for opposite reasons but similar justification. However, I see plenty on tumblr attacks against physical nonhuman identities, and often even when acceptance is expressed it is done so in a pretty belittling and invalidating way. However though, I have only seen other CLCZs express frustration with this situation. I think for most people on tumblr, you can pretty well curate your experience, and for myself as a CLCZ, it should be little surprise that most of my feed is people either in that community or adjacent communities and largely express support.

I admit I have never used TikTok nor do I have any interest in it or shortform content in general. It makes me wonder though if either "TikTok therian" has simply become shorthand for "a -bad- therian" or if this might be a case of selection bias. Inside my ecosystem on tumblr there is a good amount of support and acceptance of people like me; however should a post come in from outside my ecosystem, it is not uncommon for the person to be against the inclusion of our voices and think that we need therapy and pills or hospitalisation (which I have had all of and I am still a whale). This does though beg the question - do these posts represent a large portion of belief on the site? Or alternatively - has this post entered my ecosystem because someone in my ecosystem got cross about the post and shared it to express their anger? And conversely - is my experience on the site being generally accepting of physical therian identity a result of the site being broadly accepting? Or have I instead simply curated my experience through liking and following people with similar views to me and blocking those who cause me distress and other people blocking myself? It is to be honest hard to know, and it would be honestly difficult to measure.

Conversely to the previous experience, is TikTok in general a platform with low acceptance and tolerance of physical identity? And if so, why then did that fellow from the first paragraph have the opposite experience? I am not myself a TikTok user, thus my experiences of TikTok are primarily others expressing their opinions or sometimes sharing a video clip. Generally if someone is riled up enough to express something that happened on another platform it is going to tend to be anger, and given my ecosystem that will be anger against people condemning physical identities.

This makes me ask - is "TikTok therian" simply a pejoritive meaning "the bad therians"? Do users of the site see those against physical identity and identify them as "TikTok therian" but see users aligned with them and see them not also as a "TikTok therian" but a comrade fighting the good fight? Negative expriences stand out more in the mind, do we simply only see those opposing us and forget the others? Or is the selection bias purposeful, not on our parts but on TikTok's part? There is a collective agreement TikTok is a hellhole, from both therians and the general public alike. This also applies similarly to other social media sites like twitter and facebook. There was at one point information that came out with facebook, I believe, that they would purposefully show things that made people angry because it would drive up use time and interaction. Could TikTok be doing the same? And if they are, is this divide in the community genuine, or exasperated by an algorithm trying to maximise profits for its owners?

On tumblr I have near complete control over my feed. At least my following feed, the people I see there are all my favourite people on the site and is usually the content I want to see, with the only exceptions being advertisements and tumblrs "because of your/your-followed-blog's likes" which I normally either follow, block, or tell tumblr I am not interested aftering seeing it so many times. From my understanding TikTok is entirely a feed, and though I think you can like, follow, and block, much of what you see is determined by an algorithm, and it would be to me entirely expected if that algorithm showed you things that make you angry because then youll watch it longer, you may even comment and share it beyond (and even if not malicious this would be the natural outcome of an ML algorithm targeted to maximize interaction and use time).

I really question if "TikTok therians" as we concieve them in our heads meaningfully exist. Yes there are of course many therians on TikTok and many of them are particularly young; however there are also very many young people on Tumblr as well. While there are a few of us in our 30s or older, there are far far more minors and quite young minors. We should also not forget that while we sit here now, that Tumblrkin was really not so long ago the same concept as current "TikTok therians" and most people here at least would like to consider this a more serious place for therianthropy with the days of the forums behind us. I think in the end, the kids will be alright, and should they find themselves here, for those who are earnest in their therian identity, I will welcome and accept them same as I would one from tumblr or discord or from the forums before.

~Kala

[smilingformoney]

Your Elliot/Mary/Turpin story is just 😫💔 I felt sorry for them and wanted to give them a big hug. Thank you for the amazing story!✨

(Though to help Mary choose, i would stay with Elliot so she could be with Turpin.🫣)

Personally I would do it the other way round, Elliott is her soulmate so I’d take on Turpin so she can be with her true love 🥹

But I am so glad you like it! Sometimes I wonder if I’m getting to the point where it’s an original story with borrowed characters, especially when I was writing Tommy meeting the kids. I thought, “This is a scene with six OCs, who’s interested in this?!” but people seem to be as invested in them as I am 😅

Story time. It all started late 2022. I had an idea for a smutty one shot where Turpin takes reader’s virginity by force. But, as some who were with me back then might remember, this was right on the tail of some kids from Twitter trying to cancel me for bookmarking a noncon fic on Ao3 (yup) so I was feeling really insecure about whether I should write it. It took me about a year before I felt comfortable in writing it, so I wrote it in October 2023.

It was always meant to be a one shot, thus the use of yn. Then, as always seems to happen with me, I knew I had more story to tell, so one shot became 3 chapters became 4 chapters. Thus we had Sins of the Flesh.

Then in April (ish) 2024, I watched Quigley Down Under for the first time and fell in love with Elliott. While watching it my brain was whirring and by the time the film ended, I had a fic idea: Turpin and yn (as Mary then was, though she was forming into Mary) visit Elliott and yn is ‘lent’ to Elliott.

I genuinely wrote the first chapter of the Eternal Summer within 24 hours of watching the film. And, you guessed it, what was supposed to be a one shot turned into 5 chapters. (I count the sixth chapter as a separate thing.)

By the end of it, Mary was fully formed. I was writing in second person but calling her Mary, then before posting I’d change ‘Mary’ to ‘[Y/n]’.

So when I wrote my first one shot afterwards (An Unlikely Reunion), I decided it was time. She was Mary Taylor and that’s how I was gonna write her.

She’s now blorbo. I rotate her in my mind like a rotisserie chicken. Hence why I made Die With A Smile, because she keeps falling in love with Elliott in different ways in my head. I’m thinking of writing an original story to publish that adapts her story to bypass copyright. (I believe Sweeney Todd is public domain but Turpin isn’t as he comes from the play in the 70s, and Quigley Down Under certainly isn’t.)

I can’t guarantee it won’t happen but I don’t have any immediate plans to give them another story 😂 I think it will just be one shots until something else takes hold of my brain.

I don’t know if people find the different timelines confusing so for clarity:

Sins of the Flesh/Eternal Summer: canon timeline. Mary and Elliott have an affair, Elliott dies, Mary spends the rest of her life grieving him but still married to Turpin. Four kids: Elliott (Elliott’s son, Mary and Turpin both believe this but don’t speak about it), Billy, Victoria and Eleanor. Victoria’s line leads to Sinclair and Lionel, Elliott’s line leads to Eli. For the Love of Books and Sharing are also canon to this timeline.

In Another Life: the bonus chapter at the end of Eternal Summer, where Turpin is killed by Sweeney and Mary meets Elliott when he comes to execute the estate. Kids: all Elliott’s, don’t have a specific idea as to how many or names.

Die with a Smile: What if Mary met Elliott first? Inspired by me wondering what would happen if Mary had more of a choice and wasn’t already married. Kids: Billy (Elliott’s son), James (Turpin’s son), then maybe some more after that.

I have loads of half-finished WIPs but I think the most likely to be finished soon is Sinclair (who knows about Mary’s life from her diary, which he found tucked away in an attic when his ADHD hyperfocused on genealogy) discovering that the musical Sweeney Todd (now based on real events, instead of a folk tale) has missed Mary out of the story completely and he makes it his mission to get Sondheim to put her back in. Is Stephen Sondheim now a character in my fanfic? Somehow, yes, he is.

ANYWAY LONG STORY SHORT Mary is my baby girl baby. There are OCs who are just characters and those who are your children. If Abbie is my firstborn, Mary is my secondborn 🥰

[anincompletelist]

happy rwrb thanksgiving! :D

in honor of how ridiculously grateful I am for the space and community this fandom has brought to my life, I wanted to create something to give back in the lead up to thanksgiving!

below the cut you'll find an (incomplete) list of ways that you can support the writers and artists that continue to give us such wonderful content. <3

+

firstly, of course, you can support casey + the crew by streaming the film or buying the book!

ways to support writers/fics:

(on ao3) ☆ subscribe to the author ☆ leave kudos ☆ leave a comment ☆ bookmark + add a nice comment in the bookmarkers tags (they're public!) ☆ check the recent works for the fandom to find some lesser known works + subscribe to the pairing for notifications ☆ if you don't like/agree with something or don't have something nice to say, kindly press the back button ☆ this is a good source for other ao3 related support! ☆ this is a good source for learning how to compose comments on ao3!

(on tumblr/twitter) ☆ reblog/retweet the author's fic posts ☆ leave nice comments in the tags or replies ☆ send a nice ask/dm/anon about their work ☆ create a fic rec list or thread ☆ tag others who might enjoy it as well ☆ follow their blog or profile for updates/etc. ☆ follow the tags you're interested in to stay updated on the latest works ☆ once again, if you don't have anything nice to say, you can always choose not to interact with the content! be kind!

ways to support artists/artwork:

☆ purchase from their shops (if they have one!) ☆ commission them (if they accept custom orders!) ☆ 'buy them a coffee' / donate to their ko-fi (if applicable) ☆ reblog/retweet/share their art on whatever platform they post on (but do NOT repost/remove watermark/etc.) ☆ reach out to the artist directly to find out how you can best support them ☆ follow their accounts to stay updated when they post new pieces! ☆ talk about what you liked in the tags or in a comment/message ☆ if you don't like the art/etc., kindly scroll past!

self-promo:

☆ reblog/re-share your own art/writing to make sure it reaches different time zones and demographics ☆ make sure you're tagging your fics and art accordingly to reach your target audience ☆ interact with your readers/viewers for more engagement ☆ get involved in tag games etc. here on tumblr ☆ join (or create!) fests and challenges that you and other writers/artists can take part in ☆ support others in return & be kind!

--

feel free to reblog and add your own ideas if I missed any! there are a million ways to show appreciation, but this is a good start!

no matter why you're here -- whether you're an author, an artist, any other kind of creator, or someone who enjoys the art created by them, publicly or privately, you play such an important role and are actively making this space an uplifting, inspiring community to be a part of. thank you, and continue to create, support, and be kind to one another! :D

I hope you're all having a lovely week, and happy early thanksgiving!

-- anincompletelist / sarah

[likeadevils]

idk if this is commons knowledge and I’m the only one that doesn’t know, but when Taylor said that Harry used to live next to her did she mean in London or LA?

THIS IS ACTUALLY WAYYYYY MORE COMPLICATED THAN PEOPLE REALIZE. to answer your question yes they lived very close to each other in LA (i believe it caused HAYLOR IS BACK to trend on twitter when it was announced harry bought the house). long answer she’s likely fibbing a little bit when she talked about it but also she might never have said it

so i believe you’re referencing this:

oh, some extra info on IWYW. cant remember if ive already shared this, if i have im sorry, if i havent then here. taylor wrote that after a couple of months after her and harry broke up, and they decided to become friends again, and she said this was the first time she had become friends with an ex to the point where they were comfortable enough to talk about why the relationship didnt work out. and he said how, after they broke up, he bought a house literally one road adjacent to hers. and every day he would drive home, and accidentally turn into her street, and told her how he just wanted to stop at her house and see her, but he never did. and she said this song is about while he was in the car making the decision to get out the car and see her, she was sitting in her bedroom, wishing he would make the move and go back to her and just pitch up at her house. she compared it to a classic movie where both parties want the same thing but neither has the guts to say anything. and thats why the song has the lyrics of "driving straight ahead", opposed to taking the left turn to see her.

as far as i can tell the tumblr post i linked is the earliest surviving source for her saying this— someone saying a likely 1989 sessioner said it to them. i can’t find the the actual sessioner’s account (admittedly, i haven’t tried in a couple years, and ive gotten way better at searching old websites). so it might be a fabrication, but taylor can also can be a bit silly with her recounting of events so it might just be her telling a wee fib. but no matter what this is likely some level of a simplification

iwyw was likely written in late may 2013 (that’s coming from an aggravate of multiple sources that’s too hard to cite here, but it’s all that’s in the 1989 timeline in my pinned). at the time, taylor had two houses in LA (one appears to be a guest house, we only learned about it when she sold it in 2018), one in rhode island, and one in nashville. it is almost definitely referring to her LA house though, because harry never lived in the other two places.

HOWEVER harry didn’t buy a house in LA until march 2014, after taylor finished 1989 (non-taylor’s version). now, i’ve heard he was staying with a friend in LA in 2013 who lived close to her house, but i haven’t been able to independently verify it, and it was from a haylor account so i am wary of bias. there’s also no evidence of them talking until august 2013, three months after she probably wrote iwyw, but that’s easy enough to hide from the public.

tldr the sourcing is questionable and the story doesn’t match up with publicly available facts. there are alternative explanations with even more dubious sourcing. taylor lies for the sake of a better story a fair amount but also she is capable of hiding big things from the public. draw conclusions as you will but be aware that they are built on sand

[foxypheonix]

Let’s Address Some Things

It’s been nearly a year since this first began. I have been working on this since about March as I can no longer keep it in and let my nay-sayers get away with this. This event triggered severe RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) in me and threw me into a deep depression so it wasn’t easy for me to try to write all of this down. I wanted to be as clear and truthful as possible, so writing an emotional rant post in response wasn’t an option. I know how the drama-lovers like to nitpick words, so I wanted to be careful as well.

This is about the drama between RadicalRainbow and me. It involves a lot of people, because Rainbow refused to let this be private. As such, I will be posting this publicly as well…

I will be sharing everything that happened that I can remember. I am not about to throw a pity party for myself, but I do intend to defend myself. I want to set things straight for those who actually care to know the whole story. I know it probably won’t help much for those who are convinced I am a terrible person, but…yeah. Let’s just get into it.

RadicalRainbow (and CosmicaCandy):

Part 1: Joining the Server

When Rainbow joined, I was happy and excited. I could tell they were timid and nervous, enforced by how they thought it would be cool to talk to me at all based on their twitter post. Someone else other than Rainbow tagged me, informing me of their post and I said hi and offered to have them join my server.

There were cute with how shy they seemed. But I also wanted them to not be nervous. They were  the most welcomed I had ever seen in my server yet and they posted a lot.

I thought they might be losing their shyness and I tried to treat them like anyone else. I vouch to treat everyone the same to dispel power dynamics and for those in power to face the same treatment as everyone else. Rarely do I not see power go to someone’s head and I work to be humble and use any power I have responsibly.

That being said, I considered Rainbow and I to be equals. They have a bigger audience than me and were more well known, so I almost considered them to be bigger and have more “power” than me. I didn’t want them to revere me, just to see me as another artist and maybe a friend. I do not look to be feared. I want to be open and approachable.

Part 2: Their Time There

I thought Rainbow’s time in my server was great. Again, they were the most well-received person I had ever seen. Everyone welcomed them. They posted often and people were nice to them.

They soon showed interest in knowing more about my Cult of the Lamb comic, In Spite of You (ISOY). The only ways I allowed people to know more, “spoilers” so to speak, is if they became a top-tier patron of my Patreon or if they did work for me. I eventually offered for them to work for me in exchange for learning about spoilers for ISOY. They accepted and became my ask helper, drawing asks to a script and description I provided. I offered to let them draw what they saw appropriate at the times I felt it didn’t matter. They received their payment for this work in the form of information and images pertaining to things not yet made public about ISOY that otherwise was only available to those that paid to receive it or also worked for me.

I did my best to be kind about asking for changes to their work. I allowed them to keep their watermark on their work despite the fact I didn’t want it there, and if I had been paying money, I definitely would have requested to be removed. A watermark obscuring an image is different than an artist signing their work. I did, and continue to give credit where credit is due.

At one point, I suggested (eagerly) for Rainbow to add their OC Fern to ISOY. They said no and I dropped the idea.

They posted Fern a lot. In the posts it was never said what gender Fern was. Going off of appearances Fern was very feminine coded. They even posted porn of Fern and they had drawn Fern being eaten out. No one had any idea Fern was not female.

In relation to Rainbow posting porn of their character, another server member also made a risque picture of Fern after Rainbow had posted theirs.

I only learned later that they had been uncomfortable with this. I saw no issue as they had posted some themselves. They also never vocalized they did not like porn being made of Fern except by themselves until much later.

When boundaries were brought up they were adhered to. However boundaries cannot be enforced when no one knows about them.

Part 3: Them Leaving

They left on my birthday.

So to get this out of the way, if they mention how their information is visible and thus should be respected, they are a hypocrite. My birthday is also visible across many platforms, yet despite apparently looking so highly upon me they left my server and was not able to be immediately contacted on that exact day. People don’t look that deep. People are lazy. You aren’t that special. I know I’m not, which is why I do not blame them for leaving on my birthday. However I will blame them or anyone if they try to claim having your information “easily” and publicly available makes me or anyone else not knowing if someone is gay, bi, trans, autistic, ADHD, a gender, how old they are, their race and so on is “disrespectful” and thus purposefully doing it. Having that information out there does not mean everyone knows it by default. Again, you are not that special.

Rainbow sent a message finally telling everyone that Fern was non-binary then left right afterwards.

I got in contact with them a few days later. I could no longer talk to them on Discord after they left because we didn’t share a server anymore and they blocked contact from non-friends and server-mates. It was understandable, we hadn’t added each other as friends and shared no other servers. I contacted them through tumblr instead.

When I could talk to Rainbow again, they told me there were three reasons why they left: Fern being misgendered, Lazy and Nova.

Now let me reiterate, Rainbow told no one that Fern was non-binary until maybe a few hours to even only some minutes before they left my server. No one refuted them correcting this, no one gave grief or hate, no one even had a chance to adjust to this information before they decided that they were going to leave over it anyway.

I do not care that Fern is non-binary. I am not saying Fern is a woman. I support that choice for that character.

Can anyone be blamed for misgendering them, though? A very heavily female coded character is presented. They are referred by the creator only as “they” but that does not instantly click for people to then ask about the character’s gender. If you try to claim you do, you are a liar. Males and females can be referred to as “they” as well. It is not an exclusive pronoun to non-binary people.

People, including myself, referred to Fern as a girl. Rainbow never corrected this.

My server is not a place LGBTQ+ is heavily enforced or being pertinent to knowing these things about people. It is up to the individual to ask or relay such information. I do not have an introductions channel or a channel to introduce OCs etc.

I noticed how upset Rainbow was becoming about Fern being misgendered to the point they made posts on their blog about Fern being non-binary and how female (and male) presenting characters can also be non-binary. I agree with this!

However we cannot expect people to be mind readers. We cannot expect people to go learn all the information about you and especially not about your character(s). It takes time for people to adjust to changes, especially those who are autistic or ADHD. Autism makes changes hard, and ADHD makes it hard to remember. However everyday people also can have troubles too and you cannot expect instant change.

There is also the fact that non-binary pronouns don’t even exist in some languages. So someone’s first language may cause them to not adjust quickly to the information. (For example: Shamura’s pronouns in French are he/him because non-binary does not exist in the language.) Some languages even gender objects.

You have to understand it is you against the world if you decide to get mad about people not knowing your character’s pronouns or gender, even your pronouns or gender. It must be shared, sometimes explicitly, and then a grace given for those that fumble. It is not a slight against you if someone slips up accidentally.

I say all this because this is what I was trying to say to Rainbow. I had less words and I admit I came on strong. I simply wanted to help. I didn’t want them to get stuck in the trap of thinking everyone is disrespecting them on purpose. It’s far more complex than that and sadly they are not that important.

I did say that they were upset about just a character. A character being misgendered upset them so much. It felt ridiculous to me. It wasn’t about them. None of the misgendering was malicious. But I should have approached it another way. I did not mean to dismiss their feelings, just to try and get them to see it in a different light. I wanted to apologize for how I approached the situation and I unfortunately let my frustrations out during our talk. You can go see yourself that I never insulted them or their beliefs. I didn’t even state how ridiculous I thought it was.

This whole situation is ridiculous and I don’t understand how it got this big other than malicious intent on Rainbow’s part and/or encouragement from their friends and acquaintances to make it bigger than it needed to be.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

I will address them mentioning Nova next. They only told me two things: One, they didn’t like that Nova drew a pin up of Fern and two, Nova made sexual implications to them in DMs.

I asked if they ever told Nova they didn’t like these things. They said no. What can be done if you don’t even tell someone they are bothering you?

I basically returned this. They needed to speak up and tell him to stop. If he continued afterwards then it shows he has malicious intent and is being disrespectful. Then I can get involved. I am not going to talk for them.

I know all of the drama around Nova and I will address it later in this post.

Lastly is Lazy.

The entire time Rainbow was in the server Lazy was also there. He was a mod, even. They interacted, even if it was only Lazy commenting on their artwork.

However Lazy wasn’t named Lazy Lamb at the time, he was named LewdLamb. No, it wasn’t to cover up his identity, it was a left over joke when I changed his name to HornyLamb and then he altered it to LewdLamb.

Something tells me Rainbow didn’t know Lazy was Lazy until he got demoted from mod status and left for a few days to cool down. When he returned and since then, he has reverted back to being Lazy Lamb.

This is where “boundary crossing” came into Rainbow and mine’s talk.

They told me Lazy was a bad person. “Many” people were hurt by him. I know about the debacle Cosmica caused against him. I do not believe how he acted towards Cosmica at the time was okay. However, I was also on the other side of it. I talked to Lazy and people she mistook for Lazy. She hurt them too.

But back to the conversation with Rainbow. I asked for proof of who and how he hurt them. Who else besides Cosmica had he hurt, because I did not know of him hurting anyone else. I heard about how he “bothered” others and how people listened to Cosmica and decided to block him, but nothing else.

They refused to answer, both on their past or of anyone else. They claimed it was not their place to speak for others, however how can I take the claim as true if I’m not shown proof or at least given a name of these other “victims” of his? I pressed because this was a serious matter. They were accusing my former mod of terrible things. I have a community I am responsible for. I did want to try to convince Rainbow to return to my server as well at the time, so I also wanted to dispel their worries and to fix the issues they were bringing up.

They kept trying to shut down the conversation. I wouldn’t allow it. They had brought up concerning things about my members and it needed to be addressed. I was willing to wait hours, days, until they could be calm and collect their thoughts. I encouraged them to take time to think. It is not evident in the screenshots because of the erasing of the hourly timestamps, but every time they said no and I urged for them to calm and think, they would return 30 minutes to an hour later once again telling me no and to fully drop the subject. I wouldn’t allow the subject to never be talked about again, it was too important to leave. Apparently my insistence was boundary crossing. To a degree, I agree. They asked me to stop and I did at the time, telling them to take their time and we’ll talk later. But they wanted to never speak of it again and I couldn’t allow that. Alas, it was important for me to learn what was going on and they were the accuser. They gave themselves the burden of proof by making such claims.

I wanted to help them. Help them be less insecure, to advocate for themselves, to speak up about their problems and to understand that the world isn’t out to get them, that there’s a lot of nuance to life. I do believe I came on strong. I should have been gentler. There is only so much one can do for someone convinced they’re a victim though. Someone who doesn’t want help and would prefer to stay in their comfort bubble, always being told they’re in the right and the world is just evil; not that they should also be understanding, open minded and seek solutions instead of retribution. They were arguably surrounded by people telling them to be the way they are, which leads me to what happened next.

(A note before that: I was once “asked” ((it was accusatory and shitty but anyway)) why Rainbow needed to be in my server. Looking back, I can see that it wasn’t necessary for them to return. However at the time not only did I not understand why they left, I wanted to then resolve the problem. They were telling me bad people were in my server leading them to leaving. I wanted them, and everyone to be comfortable and that is a reason I persisted.)

Part 4: A Talk With Cosmica

After probably another hour of silence, I suddenly found myself in a group conversation with Rainbow and Cosmica, of all people.

Allow me to preface this. I am not a fan of Cosmica. She has hurt many of my friends and otherwise is a class A bully of the CoTL community. I do not like her. I was wary of her from day one of joining this community and she has only strengthened my belief in that she is a terrible person over time. She is extremely judgemental, attention seeking, dramatic and weaponizes her audience to serve these terrible habits.

And she was brought to me to “tell her side” of the conflict with Lazy that led Rainbow to decide he wasn’t a good, or even an okay, person to be around.

I already knew what happened with her and Lazy. I told Rainbow this before being brought into a conversation with the woman herself. I didn’t need to hear her extremely judgemental side again, that was also public for everyone to see anyway.

I do not agree that what Lazy did towards Cosmica after being banned was okay. He should have left her alone.

But what led to him being banned was the most intolerant act I had ever seen. He was rightfully confused and mad. It does not justify his actions afterwards, however I do not condone Cosmica’s way of handling what was frankly just an awkward situation. He had no malicious intent. He was just kinda weird and he was punished for it and it’s sickening.

I did my best to keep my cool talking to Cosmica. She didn’t know everything. And I wanted to be open for Rainbow.

It was in this conversation that Cosmica told me of Rainbow’s pronouns. I was never told them, I said that. Another instance of Rainbow not advocating for themselves.

In fact, the entire chat was Cosmica talking for them. She told me I scared Rainbow. About the pronouns. About how Lazy had done something directly to Rainbow that they hadn’t told me about. How was I to do anything if I wasn’t being informed?

I was given a screenshot of what misdoings Lazy did to Rainbow. I disagree that it was anywhere near bad enough for Rainbow to want to run away from his presence.

He messaged them after he had been banned from a second server Cosmica had recently joined. Rainbow banned him, they were a mod with the privilege to ban. He asked why and they attempted to be vague but he hit the nail on the head that Cosmica had gone to Rainbow and “warned” them about him. They took Cosmica’s word at face value and banned Lazy without further investigation.

Disgusting.

He got mad at them for banning based on hearsay of the past and specifically because of his nay-sayer, Cosmica. He should not have “yelled” (used all caps) but you know what? I would be mad too if some bully of mine got me banned from somewhere without me being able to make my case and have recourse.

I told them both I didn’t find it so bad. Lazy has anger issues. We (Lazy and I) have gotten into “yelling” matches (via text) and we still could be friends and, oh, I dunno, talk things out? What he did wasn’t okay but how both Cosmica and Rainbow handled their situations were gross overreactions and he had a right to be angry.

On the topic of what Lazy did to Cosmica, I wanted to correct her that the reason she called out Lazy by name wasn’t his doing. I knew one of the others that contacted her during that time and they were worried what she was posting about was of them.

Well. Cosmica knew that it wasn’t Lazy. She figured out it was an old stalker of hers and Lazy had left her alone all this time. Did she ever correct this? Did she send me a link to her call out post (which she had ready to give to me instantly, even though she “deleted it but it’s been reblogged and she can’t delete those”--woman, you shouldn’t know where to find those anymore if you actually cared to stop this conflict) and then give me an immediate addendum that Lazy had been innocent in that situation? NO. Instead of admitting as publicly as she “called out” Lazy of her blunder, she kept it quiet and allowed his reputation to be ruined further, even straight to my face in this new instance. She wants him to continue to suffer.

So to recap: All Lazy did was talk about his dead pets at an inappropriate time which led to him being banned because he was “weird.” No correction. No recourse. He tried to contact Cosmica afterwards to ask why he was banned and to beg to be let back in. He got mad when she denied to explain nor revert the ban and he started to ban-evade and cuss at her. This is the only thing he did wrong in this situation in my opinion--but everyone will want to think this behavior makes them right in banning him--no it wasn’t.

She eventually became his aggressor. When he gave lament for how he acted towards her to someone who was apparently her friend, she unblocked him and told him off.

Then her stalker came back. She thought it was Lazy, but never confirmed it was him and later confirmed it was the stalker instead. She even claimed blocking Lazy’s IP address to keep him from contacting her, but that’s not something anyone can do. You can’t block people’s IP addresses from coming into contact with yours. You can block an IP address from accessing a website, but not being able to contact you. Plus, even if that was possible, VPNs exist. Regardless, I take her saying that as just another way of trying to be dramatic.

It took a third party to get Cosmica to talk to Lazy and inevitably for her to back off.

But let’s not forget she’s the victim! :)

Anyhow. With this and saying what he said to Rainbow wasn’t so bad, Cosmica (remember, she’s the only one talking this whole time) said that being “triggered” once is enough. In certain situations, I agree. And I must add I do not think Cosmica should “forgive” Lazy and they should reconcile. Rainbow overreacted and abused their power in my opinion, but I also do not think they should have to be friends with Lazy. I encouraged them to block him (and Nova) if they returned to my server. They cared too much about it being noticed that they would be ignoring the two. That could have been dealt with had it become a problem. I am the admin of my server, I take care of these issues. They didn’t trust me to do my job. Probably because of how they abused their power as a mod and how they have observed others do the same. It’s sad. They’re surrounded by people who back stab each other the moment they hear nay-say. It’s disgusting. However they participate so I can’t feel bad for them anymore. I’ll go over that more later…

The end of the conversation came. I relented. Fine. Rainbow didn’t need to come back to my server. I didn’t feel things had been resolved yet, but at least things could be over for now. I told my discontent with this ending and how my respect for Cosmica was on the floor but she earned some of it to lift it up a bit higher than it was.

This was when Rainbow finally spoke when not prompted to. They told me they quit and to never speak to them or “their friends” again. They removed Cosmica from the chat, then themselves.

Thank you for that, Rainbow. Now neither of you can screenshot our conversation and spin it against me. I don’t have access to it anymore either, so I’m recounting everything from memory. I like to think I have a very good memory though, and I stand by the truth. Everyone did something wrong, but none of it was deserving of what has come out of it.

I left it at that. I did not try to contact either of them again. (Okay. I shut Cosmica up when she vague posted about Lazy. She so kindly deleted the post and blocked me. That was it though.)

Then, MONTHS later, the debacle with Nova happened and Rainbow dragged me into it. :)

Part 4: The Call Out Post

I will talk on Nova later. We’re focusing on Rainbow right now, the one that started all of this.

And their “call out” post of me is where it started. They posted our private conversations and claimed I used them with my status (allow me to reiterate, I am LESS popular than them) and crossed their boundaries.

THAT’S IT.

Why, WHY couldn’t this have been talked about privately? If they still had an issue with me, my DMs were wide open. I never blocked them. Anywhere. They only blocked me on Discord. And instead of contacting me to talk things out, they followed the bandwagon of their toxic friends and attempted to slander me because I hurt their feelings.

I did try to ask for us to talk. I was sorry about what and how things happened. But I was RESPECTING THEIR BOUNDARY to not talk to them anymore before this. I only contacted them to plead to just take down their post and let’s talk. This was ridiculous. Why do you want to slander me? Why do you feel the need to make this private matter public? I was mildly on the defensive when contacting them, being very stern and professional because I know how these people work. I did hope being that way would make them back down. It was still a request and a bid for them to see reason. I should know better from a teenager to surrender when goaded on by such a toxic community, though. I wanted to hope.

They would not talk. I was dog-piled. Rumors began to spread about me. False rumors. Rainbow reblogged everything negative they could find about me. I could not win, I couldn’t even try to come to a truce. They stonewalled me.

I was sorry. I wanted to help. Alas there is only so much I can do with an uncooperative party. I shouldn’t have asserted to be help, I know. I can’t help it. I cared about them, I wanted better for them. But not everyone wants helps and facing the truth of your flaws can be seen as mean.

I am sorry for how I acted. But I am no longer sorry for anything else. They brought this upon themselves by not letting sleeping dogs lie and not reaching out to talk privately and maturely. They went nuclear to a very small, trivial situation and I refuse to pity them for deciding to attack instead of being diplomatic.

Talk out your problems. Tell people you have issues. Advocate for yourself. COMMUNICATE.

Of course it doesn’t end here though.

Part 5: I’m An Art Thief

No.

No I’m not.

I never was.

As I was attempting to deal with this whole absurd situation and my newfound attackers, I soon got anonymous asks on my comic blog telling me to take down the art Rainbow had done for me. I declined. It was not some random person’s place to tell me to do anything. I’m sure one of those anonymous asks was Rainbow but I refused because unlike everyone else in this community, I don’t listen to hearsay.

Rainbow eventually asked, via an ask, to take down their artwork.

I offered a deal. They take down their post about me and I’ll take down their art. They refused. I attempted to give reason. They basically just attacked me. I wasn’t going to roll over and let them have their way simply because they demanded it.

They went nuclear again. Posting about how I was refusing to take down the art and was a thief.

Let’s get one thing straight. Rainbow agreed to work for me. They received payment for the work they did. I had a right to keep that artwork up.

On top of that, I wasn’t slandering them. They had a watermark on the work. I credited them. I didn’t say a THING about them after our fall out.

Now before you say they made the art for me because they wanted to do it and so it doesn’t matter what payment they got, try saying that to a business and see where that gets you. THEY AGREED. THEY RECEIVED PAYMENT. IT IS NON-REFUNDABLE. Just because payment wasn’t monetary doesn’t mean it wasn’t a payment. You all would agree I have a right to that artwork had I paid with money, so why is this different? It is known as bartering and it is a legitimate payment method.

I did not explain this well in the moment to Rainbow or my aggressors when trying to give the reason I wasn’t budging. I am not good at arguing. It is very hard for me to formulate thoughts and points in the moment. I tried my best to state my case in the comments of the call out post and its reblogs.

You can’t take back goods you have been paid for simply because you no longer like the person. You, Rainbow, feigning ignorance does not make this fact go away.

But congrats. You still ripped your work away from me and have effectively stolen from ME now, via abusing the copyright system. I would have fought it if it had not been for the wording of the recourse saying I believed the claim to be a mistake. Because it wasn’t. It was absolutely purposeful. Congratulations on abusing the system like all the other scum does on youtube, falsely claiming things as theirs, then due to how busted the system is, most creators are fucked about getting it appealed. I was fucked because despite it being your art, I PAID FOR IT. I have a right to it. You agreed to this!

You are despicable. If I were not one strike away from my account being deleted because of you and/or I had the means to fight it, that art would be back up out of spite.

If you had come to me to talk things out, and had asked me to take the art down then I would have done it, having paid for it or not. I might’ve tried to reason with you to not do it. There was no point in my eyes. It wasn’t hurting you in any way to keep your art on my page. You were getting free publicity, you got credit, I didn’t slander you. Other than you not liking me and being petty in not wanting me to have something of yours on my page, I see absolutely no reason to need to take it down. It was a winning situation for you, Rainbow, but you clearly care too much about what others think and about getting revenge.

Let me reiterate too, that this entire time Rainbow did not block me anywhere else. They were hoping to use my responses in their slander against me. You learn from the best, don’t you? I used to think you were a victim of Cosmica and co. But now you’ve graduated to being one of them. Enjoy your tiny bubble of comfort, thinking everyone is out to get you. You bring it upon yourself. Congratulations on not only abusing the copyright system but also your own audience and connections, just like the drama queen herself. I will rue the day they all turn on you at the drop of a hat like they do with everyone else.

Learn to communicate and that people can’t read your damn mind.

Eventually I had enough as the rumors got worse and I blocked Rainbow and everyone involved in the situation in hopes of saving my mental health.

(Formerly) NovaArtz:

I need to bring up Nova because he was a part of this, even if it was only a catalyst to bringing a spotlight on me.

Let’s get some things straight: What Nova did to others was not okay. It was borderline, if not full on creepy, especially what he said to Cosmica. I do not condone him being so crass about sexual advances and content sharing.

People have done far worse and what he did was overblown, especially the part where he “targeted minors.” Guys. He didn’t. Just like I (and you, and everyone else) don’t go hunting down everyone’s gender and birthday, he didn’t know the ages of those he hurt that were minors. And, as soon as he found out their ages, he disengaged and stopped talking to them--at least in a sexual manner.

It does not absolve him of what he did. I still think it was wrong. However y’all need to get off your gossip trains for one second and look at the whole picture once in a while.

Speaking of gossip trains, I was also slandered for this debacle as well. I was shown the accusation Cosmica posted about Nova that started this whole mess in my server. As I was reading through it still, I commented how people can’t take a joke.

Let me explain. Firstly, I do not consider Cosmica a good person as stated before. She creates drama left and right, and as such, I take everything she says with a massive pile of salt. I was already rolling my eyes at her pointing a finger at Nova. While I was ready to not believe her, I was still investigating the situation to form my own opinion.

Secondly, I had, again, still been reading through everything but I was making comments as I read. The particular moment I have been having thrown at me telling me I’m a terrible person for, I was reacting in the moment. I was groaning at someone who had made a claim against Nova, particularly trying to say he “targeted minors” as she was one. He, at one point, replied to one of her posts talking about how she was tired, didn’t want to go to bed, or something along those lines. His reply was of an image of a tranquilizer gun with him “threatening” her to go to bed. It. Was. A. Joke. She was showing this particular interaction as a strike against his character. I thought it was funny. So I said that in my server: People can’t take jokes these days.

Everything I said in my server at that time was a knee-jerk, in the moment reaction. And guess what? Someone else had a knee-jerk reaction to my reaction and decided to take my developing opinion comments, screenshot them and throw them in my face, claiming I thought everything Nova did was “just a joke.” I do not think that. To take my words out of context like that is ridiculous and one of the many things wrong with this damn community, and the internet as a whole.

One more time. Nova did wrong. He has said he will change. I, personally, am giving him the opportunity to change and the moment he has proven he hasn’t, he is just as admonished from my server as he has been everywhere else. However, that also means people need to speak up (looking at you, Rainbow) to both their aggressors and tell the people that can help them.

FoxBoiTunes:

I know close to nothing of what FoxBoi is like, but what I do know is that they are a hypocrite and a liar.

Pretty much as soon as my talk with Cosmica (and Rainbow was there too) was over, they announced their leave in my server. I tried to pretend it wasn’t related and tried to ask why they wanted to leave. It got brought up that they “didn’t want to get involved in drama” and yet chose a side without hearing both.

It’s so gross how this community expects everyone to be just as disgusting as them. But honestly, I’m an outlier, a black sheep if you will, though no one believes me.

FoxBoi, you actively participated in “the drama” by taking action.

Then after Rainbow made their call out post, you not only participated in “the drama” again by sharing our brief, private conversation, but then you shared a complete and utter blatant lie in an attempt to slander me.

You claimed that I did what I “did” to you by asking why someone left. Fair. I asked like two other people the same before. However the lie comes in where you state this “friend” of yours had left because I shared an image depicting rape, and I was going after them for it?

This. NEVER. Happened.

Not once have I posted an image OR story of rape in my server. I have never “gone after someone” for leaving my server, especially not in that kind of manner like I was attempting to silence or shame them. I asked why in hopes of seeing if I can make something better for them to return. If I received a no, I accepted it and moved on. So, either your “friend” was lying to get in on the “me too” pick-mes of drama or YOU lied for that exact reason.

You decided not only to participate in the drama like the hypocrite you are, but you added fuel to the fire with blatant lies. You are disgusting. I don’t care if you weren’t the one to make it up, the fact you spread it without proof just to make me more of a villain is despicable and are everything wrong with the culture you and your SJW friends perpetuate in this community.

You outright refuse to hear both sides of a situation even when offered and then share whatever drivel you hear at face value, not caring if it’s true or not. It feeds your confirmations bias so you believe it without looking into it. Or assuming this “friend” of yours doesn’t exist, YOU hope people take your lies at face value to keep that juicy dopamine and serotonin inducing drama flowing for you to see the carnage of.

You are deplorable. I will never speak to you again, even if you realize the mistake you made and the harm you cause and perpetuate. Even if you come to me groveling to apologize. You are undeserving.

Fuck you.

KaiFan

I don’t have much to say about KaiFan, but I bring them up because they brought me up.

I have this person blocked, along with Rainbow and co because they would rather listen to the gossip train than learn about the situation, ask questions and form their own opinions.

I groveled to you already. You have always been passive aggressive and it was what caused me to lose my patience with you in the past. I have apologized for this. I will not continue to grovel.

I never knew how much you looked up to me and I am not going to take responsibility for the image of me you created alone, on your own time, in your own head.

I did have a cancer scare. When I brought it up, I was not trying to shut down the conversation, I was trying to get you to understand what I am putting aside to try to help you and you were being, well, passive aggressive. I let the conversation end when you volunteered it because I knew my patience was already gone and I didn’t want to make you feel worse. I did want to help you. I let my observations boil until you gave me permission to tell you them, and I did not handle it well letting it out. That part was my fault, I admit that.

Continuing about how I spoke of cancer in the past: I don’t know when this was, but when I spoke about cancer before my own scare, it was likely about my Gramma. Who is dead. Because of cancer. I was likely trying to relate, not take over the conversation. That is a very autistic thing to do, to mention one’s own experiences as a way to relate.

I won’t condone you spreading rumors and lies about me, KaiFan, which is why I blocked you. You had me right there to talk to about all of this. You had every opportunity to ask me what was going on and to tell me your thoughts and feelings. Instead you chose to hop on the bandwagon and make everything public. I won’t allow that to happen again.

I hope you get better, however you still need to be a better person too.

Finally, I “Encourage Incest”

While this doesn’t have to do with Rainbow or the rest of the situation, as I am currently trying to defend myself I thought it relevant to put this here as well.

So. Yeah. This is ridiculous. No I do not.

Not once have I done this. Please, I challenge you to find anywhere I have said “you should fuck your sister/brother/mother/father etc,” or “check out incest bro it’s great,” or any derivative of that.

This community baffles me with its so-called morals. Just because I say it should be okay (not that I do) to ship the Bishops with each other (whom are not blood related) or Baal or Aym with Narinder, everyone gets their moral panties in a knot and claims incest. I have not said you should ship these characters. I have not said you need to. I have not said I want to. It should simply be okay to. They are not blood related! Get over it!

I am also not saying you should ship actual incestuous pairings, like Baal and Aym with each other, with their mom, Clauneck with Chemach or Kudaii. And, y’know what, if you come across people that do, leave them alone because they’re fictional fucking characters and let people have fun??

It is great if you see the Bishops as family! If you see Baal and Aym as adoptive sons to Narinder! I can see that too! I do like them as a family! I’m just saying if people do ship them together (or in my case are simply okay with it), it, firstly, is not “encouraging incest” and secondly shouldn’t be so damn polarizing as it is! How is it that a game that has: alcohol, drugs, brainwashing, murder, abortion (by some people’s standards), forced and arranged marriage, sex, arranged sex, indoctrination, cannibalism, slavery, stealing, trafficking, nudism, polygamy, polyamory, and I could go on, that perceived and by definition not actual incest is the line everyone draws as being the worst thing ever?

Get over yourselves and let people have fun!

Last words

I am not a saint. I am not innocent in all of this. I know I have done wrong. What came of my blunders was blown way out of proportion though. All of this should have been a series of private conversations. Instead we have everyone reveling in the drama they create and enjoying others being hurt.

All comments on this post, regardless of what they say, will be deleted. I will not accept limited character discussion about this. Either you need to reblog this in its entirety or talk to me privately if you want to make comments. I will block people the moment they show they are not coming to talk and only want to throw insults and accusations.

Please, learn to communicate. Talk things out. Give chances. Understand.

No one mentioned needs to forgive me, to forgive others, to be forgiven. I don’t believe in forgiveness. Alas, I do believe in understanding and moving on, and doing so in a mature and calm manner. But as this was made a public matter, I needed to explain what happened as my aggressors will never own up to such things.

I will do my best to learn and grow from this. I want to be better. It is hard though. I am far from perfect. I want to do right by the people that look up to me, alas it is those that looked up to me and found I wasn’t up to the image they made of me that this whole situation started. Don’t look up to me. I am an imperfect, struggling human being with anxiety, depression and autism. I am not strong. I will keep going though.

Thank you for your time.

[iyokko]

introducing: iyo

sup! i’m iyo. i’ve had this account for a while, but finally decided to start using it. this is probably the most formal i’ll be for a while. also, a txt version of the image with more info is below in the cut!

introduction pt. 2

general stuff

iyokko — any prns (they/them default, afab)

hi there! i’m a midwestern digital artist who also likes to dabble into worldbuilding. i’m quite busy with schoolwork and extracurriculars, but i like to make time to share my insane ramblings i have throughout the day.

i’ve got a lovely girlfriend! i’m fruity, unfortunately. i might talk about her occasionally, but i’ll try not to since this is the public eye.

i have a pretty poor attention span though, and i’ll probably appear periodically on this account. when that happens, i’m still alive! feel free to send me stuff.

fandoms

here are some of my interests as of late:

murder drones

aphmau (why i joined tumblr! was a mystreet and minecraft diaries kid growing up.)

alice in borderland

extraordinary attorney woo

wings of fire + fantribes (also a wof kid! still am. make most of my extra cash through the ever-popular fantribes on discord.)

blue lock (manga)

beastars + beast complex (both manga)

oshi no ko (manga — stopped reading it for now since it’s gone off on the deep end)

hallow knight

danganronpa (the disease infected me in middle school and it’s sadly rotted in my head permanently)

one piece (just got into it! wish me luck)

warrior cats (read this at the same time as wof and aph. no wonder i came out so gay)

other stuff too! this is just from the top of my head.

qna

what brought you to joining tumblr?

aphmau brought me here! i saw the community, and as a lifelong aphmau fan—with a rewrite in the works by the way—i just had to join in. tumblr’s been on my radar for a while now to join!

what/when will you post?

i’ll be generally posting my art and ramblings! unfortunately, i probably won’t have a very set schedule, but i’ll try to post at least once or twice a week.

what should i stay for?

if you like my personality or art style, then you should stick around! i can’t promise i’ll be talking about every fandom i’m in, but a few that have always stuck with me are danganronpa, aphmau, and wings of fire. those three will probably continue being posted about throughout my tumblr career, so if you like that sort of content, i might be up your alley.

my inbox—is it open?

it’s currently open! but please be patient with me, i’ve only ever lurked on tumblr before. actually using it is currently a mystery i’m uncovering.

any sideblogs to be aware of?

currently i have one other account for my mcd and myst rewrite! it’s called @iyo-mcd-rewrite! hopefully the link worked for that—if not, you’ll often see me reblog posts from it.

i might make others for my two other big fandoms (wof and danganronpa), but for now they’ll be contained in this main one!

do you have other accounts?

discord — iyokko

instagram — iyokko__

toyhouse — iyokko

twitter — iyokko185998

email — iyokko.15@gmail.com

where do i contact you?

i’m most active on discord and toyhouse, but if you dm me on insta or email me, i’ll get it at a later date! twitter i am at a loss for on dms. that’s all for now!

[fandom-scatteredthoughtsonpaper]

Announcing a fandom community server!

Hi, guys! This is sorta directed at my followers but also Obey Me fans (and other fandom people).

I mentioned, like, a looong time ago I wanted to do a community server, but I didn't really understand how to use Discord, but since then I've been in a zine, a few collabs, and hosted my own collabs (currently running one for Lucifer 👀). So, I have the experience and knowledge of running a server now!

My urge to create a fandom-centric server has really bloomed and after sitting on the it for a year, I feel confident enough yet still anxious to release a link of an invitation to it (found at the bottom)! It's still fresh, and bots haven't been implemented yet, but I really want to push this out.

I myself am in a lot of different fandoms, obviously Obey Me, but also Baldur's Gate, Stardew Valley, Kingdom Hearts, Persona games, What in Hell is Bad, a few obscure fandoms (like Alien Stage and Touchstarved) and older ones (Homestuck), so I have all the intentions to have this server be inclusive to webcomics, anime and manga and adjacent media, games from standard video games to phone games, graphic novels, books, otome and romance stuff, indie media like web series, cartoons, and games, and more as it grows.

I also want this server to be a hub for writers and artists to share their stuff they're too awkward or anxious to post and receive feedback, and as a place to get to know fellow-minded people in shared fandoms. AUs, theories, headcanons, crossovers, self-inserts, your MCs/OCs - all allowed!

A few things to note:

This is a fandom community server, but it might start out as Obey Me heavy because I'm trying to direct attention to that fandom since that's the one I am mostly in and participated in most things as a fan.

Adults and minors (16+) are allowed, but there are rules implemented that divide channels into SFW and NSFW categories and channels.

Writers, artists, content creators, cosplayers, fans that dabble, etc. are enthusiastically welcomed

The server can also function with channels regarding roleplays and self-publishing (commissions, Etsy shops, etc.)

I really want this server to kinda be a central spot for small fandoms or dying fandoms (like Obey Me) or old fandoms or growing fandoms and ones in-between basically non-existent and probably way too big. I want the server to be a community of different fandoms and the people that incorporate them, and I want it to be a fun place to just either relax with other fans and share works you like or works you've made or as a place to just dip in a silently lurk to look at what people are talking about or look at what is shared or as a place to lose your fucking minds when updates happen or something wild or devastating in the media occurs.

I want this to be a respectful but enjoyable place to come to and join and feel like you can invite friends or maybe even make friends!

Hard rules:

Before entering though, the server has a soft screening process for people to join.

Verifications will be done by me to make sure no one with ill intentions has a chance to cause harassment or harm to members. Fandoms can be toxic and mean in public places like here and Twitter, but this server will be, to the best of my ability, a space away from that.

Absolutely no pedophilic content is allowed. Like, none. It'll be one of the fastest things to get you kicked and banned and blacklisted.

There are rules and specific channels for certain ships and certain explicit content that can be talked about in the server if there are any questions.

This server is for fandom communities and politics and religious hot takes are not applicable here. This is a designated relief zone and none of that is really welcome.

I think that mostly covers the sales pitch and important stuff, lol.

So with all that out of the way--

Link to join: https://discord.com/invite/g8VeSe4t

[paper-bag-with-holes]

The End.

I don’t like to whine in public because it doesn’t bring joy around in a dark enough world, but I’ve had so much on the heart that I need to get it out of my system. I’ve been working on my comic Trifolium for 2 years now, and am reaching the end. Usually ending a webcomic means being freed and is something to be celebrated, but not this time. For my previous comics, I’ve known the joy of sharing this experience with readers who were excited to see the conclusion but were also a bit sad to know it was ending. It was the end of a journey we shared together. But for Trifolium, it isn’t. There is no one to be excited about the conclusion, to share the end of the adventure with. No one has been reading this comic after all (except for a few of my close friends). I have noticed it quickly, no one commented on the updates (except for my friends), no reaction on the illustrations because they didn’t know the characters, had no interest in them. I continued until I finished Chapter 4 and Interlude 5, after that I gave up on sharing my comic because I knew that no one was interested in reading it. I continued to draw it thanks to my friends’ support, but considered it something I was doing only for myself, so I needn’t upload it online. And for months, still no one was reading my comic, so I never bothered translating the text of the last chapters in english. Why should I waste time on this if no one is gonna read it? But then, as I am arriving at the end, working on the extra comic pages, I realized that the end of this comic also means its death. You know how nowadays, on social networks, a drawing has a lifespan of 24h. It might not be true for everyone, but for me it pretty much is. After 24h, the number of likes/retweets doesn’t change anymore, which means that no one is seeing it after that. The followers who have missed it have their timeline filled with other contents, the others will never cross the drawing through a retweet ever again. For my comic, the thing is people will know it exists as long as I post updates of the process (when I’m done with the sketching, inking, illustration) and maybe feel like reading it, but once it’s completed and I no longer draw and post anything for it, people will forget about it. And no one else will get the chance to find it and read it. It will be as good as dead. With the amount of new media coming out everyday, no one will dig in the site of a non-popular nobody a mere unknown webcomic that no one has ever recommended. So I asked on Twitter and Tumblr why my followers (people who supposedly like my art?) didn’t read my comic, with the hope that it might be something I could fix (like the not-phone-friendly format ? but in the end, that wasn’t mentionned as a problem…). Worse… I got people saying my comic is good, so the problem doesn’t come from it… Then WHY has no one been interested in reading it? If you tell me it’s good but no one is interested in reading it, it only got me more frustrated. I’d have prefered they say that the story is bad, at least I’d have understood why no one wants to read it. To me, it means that it wasn’t interesting enough to make people want to read it. I must be at fault in some way, because you can’t just say I had NO LUCK ??? Most replies were saying that they wanted to read it later, when they have time or stop forgetting. It’s not that I don’t believe them when they say this, but deep down, you know very well that you will forget again (because I do). And once I stop posting about it,  I’m pretty sure they’ll never think about it ever again. And if they do, will they really feel like reading a webcomic made by an amateur? When reading a published comic would at least guarantee some quality and possibly be less of a waste of time, in an era in which we don’t get much free time and have so much to read, watch or play.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming anyone in particular, since “no one reading” means that it’s the sum of the personal reasons of “everyone” for not feeling like reading it. I think it’s not anyone’s fault, many friends I’ve been crying to just told me that’s how the internet is now. It can’t be helped. It’s not 2012 anymore, it was probably a mistake to not think about it. But can’t I also have the right to be sad about it for all the reasons I’ve written above? I’ve spent 2 years on a project that is just going to die literally. That’d why, the end of this comic is particularly painful, to the point of crying a few nights and days. This journey has been very lonely. And if by miracle, anyone comes across my comic and finds it interesting enough to read it, they’ll most likely not comment on it or take the time to write me a message if they enjoyed it. It’s an era in which there is so much “contents” that we just merely have the time to move to the next one. It feels like the artist behind it no longer matters (especially on sites like webtoon, where the readers would call me “author”…) and is only a machine. I guess drawing webcomics is over for me. I had planned a new project, but I think it’ll be wiser not to do it. I’m thinking of using the free time I’m getting back to find a sport I like, there are 20 kg I’d love to lose. 

[dial-a-dyke]

Do you know about Queering the Map?

Hey y'all! I wanna highlight a queer platform I've been really interested in recently, one that has gained popularity in the last couple months especially. You might recognize this heartbreaking and intimate excerpt from Gaza that's been circulating social media platforms in the last couple months:

I’ve always imagined you and me sitting out in the sun, hand and hand, free at last. We spoke of all the places we would go if we could. Yet you are gone now. If I had known that bombs raining down on us would take you from me, I would have gladly told the world how I adored you more than anything. I’m sorry I was a coward.

The post comes from queeringthemap.com which, according to their Instagram, "is a community-generated counter mapping platform for digitally archiving LGBTQ2IA+ experience in relation to physical space."

Basically, Queering the Map allows you to post your own queer memories from anywhere in the world, completely anonymous. Wanna mark where you and your girlfriend had your first date? Drop a pin. Wanna place yourself in the middle of the ocean as a metaphor for unrequited love? Drop a pin. Wanna reflect on being the only queer person in your town? Drop a pin.

There is no limit to what users can post - or what they can see. Every post that users have ever created is still on the site, serving as make-shift digital archive for queer memories. Posts are public to any user who visits the website, allowing people to browse the digital globe and the queer experiences people have shared.

Founded by Canadian artist Lucas LaRochelle in 2017, Queering the Map has connected countless LGBTQ2IA+ people from around the world. Some like to share their own memories, others find hope in reading others' posts, and some share the posts to other platforms for rhetorical purposes.

Take the excerpt above from Gaza, for example. It first began to circulate the web (to my knowledge) roughly a year ago, and then again in June after it was featured in a NYT article. Then, in October, Instagram, Twitter, Tik Tok, and Tumblr users began sharing the screenshotted post to show solidarity with Palestinians - especially queer Palestinians. The Dyke Project used this excerpt and others from Gaza to display on bus advertising systems. Something about Queering the Map captivated attention in a unique way - something about it made people feel like it was the right place to turn in moments and feelings of tragedy and horror.

Other times, people share posts that simply spoke to them. Illustrator Aude Nasr brought some posts to life, helping us picture the moments people were trying to document. I've posted some of Nasr's art here.

I encourage you all to check out queeringthemap.com at some point, if not to post for yourself but to just see the beautiful, lively, and complicated memories someone, somewhere, wanted you to see. And to my queer siblings everywhere: I am constantly amazed by our desire to connect with each other, to defy borders and time, and to write our stories down.

Quick userguide:

Entering the website, users find themselves in a zoomed in location on the map. The water is blue, but the land is pink with dotted lines indicating borders between states or regions, and straight lines between countries. Using their mouse, one can scroll to zoom in or out. Memories are marked on the pink map by black location tags, which you can click on to view the specific memory a user shared for that location, or simply run your mouse over it for a smaller box to show the text. Zooming out too far, a user might see a black blob, no pink space in sight as so many memories have been posted to a particular region.

Were you familiar with Queering the Map before this post? What about before the last couple of months? What Queering the Map entry speaks to you? What does queer memory making mean to you?

Here's some posts I've been thinking about lately.

It gets better. When I first got here I was so unsure of myself and if I would be accepted. Now, I know I am loved, I am more sure and I have been accepted and embraced unlike ever before. Roll Pride baby!

came out to my daughter here while driving her to school, 6 years later and 6000km away she came out to me .

Came out to my folks. It didn’t go too well.

Was with the cutest guy I’d ever met

I’m from rafah and she’s from deir al balah, she got married later and i left gaza strip, to this day i think of you, to this day i wish to be back to sleep with you in the same bed, i want you to call for my name again, i wish if i can be with you again my heart. بحبك وبالرغم من الي صار دايما في بالي.

Idk how long I will live so I just want this to be my memory here before I die. I am not going to leave my home, come what may. My biggest regret is not kissing this one guy. He died two days back. We had told how much we like each other and I was too shy to kiss last time. He died in the bombing. I think a big part of me died too. And soon I will be dead. To younus, i will kiss you in heaven.

First kiss 16 years ago

One day, this sea will not divide us.

i hope your family knows i will love you until the day i die. i hope we meet in every life, no matter how many times you break my heart. Wo ai ni

故事从这里开始 : ) Un día te olvidaré, no importa que sea tan difícil. Me lo creo.

[mementoshay]

Hello. When I read the tragedy about Shay, I could not believe that this was someone else's problem. Because right now I want to be gone. And not only from fandom. I would like to talk to you if you would like. I feel as if I am the only one in the world right now. I have been a Radiohusk shipper for about two years now, posting pictures on Twitter and even interacting with some of them. It has been a fruitful environment and time for me. It was a peaceful time, as Doc said. I have OCD and often feel unstable. Radiohusk and my shipmates were the ones who calmed the waves until now. Since the publication of this edition, those waves have remained rough. My favorite ship is constantly denounced, and even my not-so-great drawings get cruel quote retweets. I hated drawing. Now I don't even pick up a brush. Also, a number of shippers who were my friends have already left the fandom. It is like an island in the sea. My OCD has been tormenting me for a long time, but what torments me the most is that the trend doesn't seem to end. Is there any safer space anywhere? I am despairing because I am sure there is no more. Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great time. I hope you will reply to me.

Hello, I'm very sorry for the big delay, but as we said, we all took a break for mental health reasons.

Before we continue, here's a list of hotlines that might be able to help you whenever you feel like there's no escape. Also feel free to reach out to us via DM at any time either here or via Twitter to let us know how you're doing.

Please do not neglect your mental health. Make sure to be followed by professionals and regularly express your thoughts and emotions with them so that you can be supported and advised properly.

This ask brings back strong memories because this theme is a recurring one, first with Shay, then with other people who came to us in private.

The bad news is, we have really no way of going back in time. But the good news is, painful as it can be, we can adjust and make the best of what comes our way going forward.

If these characters and their relationship are important to you, it's okay for you to not let go of them, but it's also important that you try to not connect them to your own pain. Fortunately, they're fictional: no matter what you or other people choose to do with them, nothing really changes, so you can really do whatever you please with them.

I think what seems to have worked for most of those we have spoken to is to form their own little "niche" of like-minded people. Value quality over quantity, so to speak. Find those who feel the same as you (and trust me, they exist), create your own little community, may it be on Twitter, Discord, etc. Draw together, write together, share ideas and build up from there.

What seems to have helped another member is to make their own iteration of some of the characters, with a mix-and-match of Ms. Medrano's old versions, which they liked better. Again, it's fiction, so the limit truly only is the sky.

However, please do not make Shay's mistake to try and find the solution to your personal struggles within internet communities. Reach out to your friends and family, talk to them. Find like-minded people to connect with.

And never forget how strong and resilient you can be! Thank you for your trust. I'm so sorry for the long wait. Hoping to hear from you soon. - Eden

[jambrainrot]

(I third you making an ao3!) Prompt: as we all know, Jam share the same PR agency and it would be funny to see their PR person trying not to have a breakdown with *whatever* is happening with them. A fic from the PR’s person’s pov

Pairing: Jacob/Sam

Tags: original characters(people?), outsider POV, hints at jam romance, I had way too much fun with this prompt

Warnings: none (cuteness overload!)

Rating: T

Emily Row had managed Sam Reid for three years before Jacob Anderson came along. Back then, her biggest challenge was explaining why Sam didn’t have social media (“Just not my thing anymore, need to focus on my mental health”). Now she had two of them. A package deal, the agency called it. No one mentioned they’d be a package deal in every other way too.

Her phone buzzed. Twitter. Again.

“Emily!” Greg burst into her office, tablet in hand. “You need to see this.”

“If it’s another fan photo-”

“They’re at the Winter Garden Theatre. Someone spotted them in line for Beetlejuice.”

She pulled up Twitter. Sure enough, there they were - Jacob in his usual black jacket, Sam in that ratty cardigan he refused to replace. The photo was blurry, but you could see Sam’s head thrown back in laughter while Jacob watched him with that soft look that drove their fans crazy.

Jam Reiderson. A name that sent shivers down her spine.

“There’s more,” Greg swiped through his tablet. “They took the subway after. Look.”

A new set of photos showed them crammed into a packed subway car. Sam was teaching Jacob some kind of hand game, both of them grinning like kids.

God, did no one in New York mind their business anymore?

Her phone rang. The network.

“Emily? We need to talk about Sam and Jacob’s... public appearances.”

“They’re just hanging out.”

“They were spotted at Universal Studios months ago. On the Mummy ride. Seven times. We had to scrub that from the internet.”

“They like roller coasters.”

“Someone said they were sharing a churro.”

Emily pinched the bridge of her nose. “People share food.”

“Sam was feeding it to Jacob. While they waited in line.”

“Sounds like fanfiction. We’ll use our burner account to say that person is a liar so the fandom tears each other apart over what’s true or not. They don’t have proof and people will doubt the churro thing.”

“Jacob said during an interview they want to Universal so people will believe it….”

Before she could respond, her email pinged. A fan blog submission on Tumblr:

“OH MY GOD you guys!!!! I totally forgot to post this but I saw Sam and Jacob at this cute sticker shop in Little Tokyo like three months ago?? Jacob kept picking out anime stickers and Sam was like ‘add it to the collection, love’ and they had this whole conversation about their sticker wall?? They were so cute and Sam kept putting stickers on Jacob’s nose and-”

The submission went on for three more paragraphs. Rambles about how adorable they were.

Emily deleted the submission.

Her phone buzzed. Sam.

“Em! Quick question - what’s the policy on matching tattoos?”

“Sam Reid, I swear to God-”

“Kidding! Sort of. We’ll wait until the final season to do that. But while I’ve got you, Jacob and I are going shopping on Rodeo. Promise to wear hats this time.”

“That’s not the-”

“Oh, and we might pop into that jewelry store you mentioned was dodgy with paps.”

Emily sat up straighter. “Which jewelry store?”

“The fancy one. With the rings.”

“Sam.”

“Just browsing! Jacob likes shiny things. Like a magpie, this one.”

Another call beeped in. Jacob. A hive mind, indeed.

“Hold that thought,” she switched lines. “Jacob, please tell me you’re not at Cartier.”

“Emily,” his proper British accent somehow managed to sound both prim and guilty. “I assure you we’re being very discreet.”

In the background, she heard Sam shout, “Oi, Jake! This one matches your eyes!”

Greg appeared in her doorway again. “Uh, Emily? They’re trending. Again. Someone just posted photos from last week. They were at bowling alley at 12 AM, racing each other in the arcade.”

Emily opened her desk drawer. The emergency whiskey bottle clinked against her stress ball collection.

Her phone lit up with a text from Sam: “Don’t worry, Em! No one saw us. Except maybe that night guard. And the teenager restocking food. And possibly that lady walking her cat. People walk cats at 2 AM in LA?”

Another buzz. Jacob: “I told him going to that bowling alley was a bad idea. But he did win me that stuffed penguin from the claw machine.”

Emily stared at the ceiling. When she’d signed Sam years ago, he was just another actor on the rise. Sighed into his dream show, Interview with the Vampire. Then Jacob joined the cast, and suddenly she was managing Hollywood’s favorite “are they or aren’t they” duo. She hadn’t signed up for this.

“Greg?”

“Already ordered your lunch. Double shot of espresso. And I updated your therapist appointment to weekly.”

“Make it twice weekly.”

Her phone buzzed again. A new Twitter notification. This time it was a thread: “A complete timeline of Sam Reid and Jacob Anderson acting like a couple - A THREAD 1/341?”

Emily reached for the whiskey.

[zo1nkss]

ok so you made a post abt the canyon and ive been trying to figure it out so i figured id ask you- what does that actually mean. like ik its a term for izzy fans but do you know where it came from?

I don't mean to sound put off by you specifically at all, but this is actually the 3rd ask I've got abt what "the canyon" is and it's getting hard to keep answering. I totally get the confusion and I'll still answer, but I'm just putting this out there for other ppl mostly. Might make a faq or something with some of the questions I get asked a lot lol

Okay so "The canyon" is shorthand for "The Izzy Canyon". They call themselves that, afaik it started on Twitter bc when I joined tumblr no one had heard of them before - and most people here generally don't know the term.

It was largely born out of a group of (mostly) yt OFMD fans who were accusing myself and some friends and others I wasn't in circles with of harassment etc bc we talked privately about our feelings regarding how they talked about Izzy in relation to characters of color.

When I talk about "The Canyon" I am mostly refering to that group. Since that time, they have grown and expanded to include people who do not act that way and more ppl who aren't yt and more nuance has been aded to the topic, but ultimately that is where it started and what I mean when I criticize them.

A big part of why its hard for me to talk about is bc I was in multiple call-out posts made public and targeted multiple times by the ppl who started this whole concept. It hurt a lot, I lost a lot of followers and sometimes friends who I thought valued and respected me. And when they shared proof, none of it actually held up.

I'm not trying to say I was always and only ever a victim, there was a lot of toxicity back and forth at times. Twitter is a hard place to discuss complex topics because things get twisted, on both ends, and then its easy to feel defensive. All of us at times made mistakes. But this largely started with yt people targeting BIPOC for our opinions that we were not even asking them to agree with or validate. Only sharing privately, or on our own pages.

It sucked. My friends and I dealt with a lot of actual real time bullying because of it. So I generally don't like talking about or explaining where the term came from, which is why I won't be answering asks about it anymore. I apprecoate that everyone wants to understand what I mean and will see abt a general faq including it, but this will hopefully serve as an easy response I can link to later.