#no they aren't talking about me/to me but how detached from your surroundings do you have to be to shit on yourself for your weight

[ausssbutlershortstories]

Hi, hello, how you doing? You can call me drac, I'm not new to Austin's fandom but I am new to sharing and expressing my opinion about his career and relationship.

I've seen everyone's side. Looked at both arguments. Looked at the relationship myself. And I honestly believe Austin and Kaia are in a pr relationship.

Now before the shippers jump on me with their attacks... I don't hate Kaia. I don't speak hate about her. I don't tear down her talents, or as some say lack of, I don't even comment on her personally. That's how little she matters to me. Without Austin I wouldn't have even known who she was. I barely knew who her mother was.

That being said, I don't think she is what she claims to be. Her personality, from what I've seen in trying to get to know her, changed based on those she surrounded with. When she was with Pete Davidson she was putting on a front of being the wild girl. And now with Austin she's trying to match his shy, humble, intellectual personality. I wanna know who she is behind the mask. I wanna know what her personality really is like. Not what she thinks she needs to be.

As for her and Austin... Nothing really makes sense. In the few years they've been together he's barely mentioned her in interviews unless put on the spot. Ive only seen her at one of his family functions and that was the birthday party for Ashley's daughter. I haven't seen her hang out with his friends, family, or co stars. Haven't seen him with her co stars. When he's with her every picture seems like they are just walking quietly and wish they were somewhere else.

And please explain how this man goes all over the world and hardly gets papped or fans leak photos, but we get multiple pictures of them doing stuff. He went on a whole ass road trip with friends and no one spotted him but he goes to a private resort with her family and he's papped every day there, including in their private pool?

And if we wanna ignore that then tell me why he has no problem being happy and present with everyone he comes across. Interviewers, fans, other celebs but we don't get that level of connection with her. Why can he smile and laugh and hug his co stars, look like he's in love with every man and woman he talks to, but looks like he's fighting with her and giving her the silent treatment?

Before it was confirmed that Dua and Callum were together she walked the red carpet for the mota premiere. He actively looked for her at the baftas when on the red carpet. If Kaia is as important to Austin as the shippers claim why wasn't she invited to any of his events to walk with him. Not be in the background or let in after those that were important get let in. No, why didn't he take the woman he loves to stand at his side at awards and premiers? He did it with Vanessa. Why when he's clearly on break but she has events does he not go with her? He did with Vanessa. He says his love language is touch and words of affirmation... So why does he barely hold her hand, kiss her, hug her, show he wants and loves her? He did with Vanessa.

You cannot tell me that he completely changed how he is in a relationship to go from openly showing love and affection to his partner to cold and detached to his next. Even if he didn't mention Vanessa by name he still talked about his girlfriend or his partner when speaking in interviews but now he doesn't.

Whether they want to admit it or not, something is off about this relationship. How did they meet, how did they start dating? Who introduced them? He went from making out in the street with Lilly rose depp to in a committed relationship pretty quick. Btw, how does he show that level of horniess with Lilly but can't even show an ounce of attraction to his girlfriend?

Now my question to shippers and those who feel the need to go to war... Why? What do you get out of it? Why do you seek out people who differ from your opinion to attack and argue? Aren't you exhausted? If tomorrow you were exposed for the hate and venom you spew, if it was sent to every person you love and care about including Kaia and Austin, would you stand proud and claim it? If every person you send anonymous hate to was to turn off the feature would you still send it? Doesn't the constant fights and arguments and back and forth weigh on your mental health? Are you incapable of a civil conversation, incapable of agree to disagree situations?

I remember the phrase, curate your online experience, everyday when I see stuff I don't like or agree with. I don't seek it out but sometimes it crosses my dash. Now maybe it's cause I'm older, I've been through the crazy hormonal stages already that I can do this and move on with my day, but I block what I don't want to see. I block the blog or filter the tags. Now I'm gonna admit that I'm not a huge t.swift fan. She just doesn't do anything for me. But I follow a lot of people who do like her. I'd say 15% of their content is t swift related. Instead of fighting with them, or sending anonymous messages I filter the tags they commonly use for her content so I don't have to see it.

Sorry for the long post and the rant, it probably doesn't make sense, but I wanted to share. Thank you. I hope you and all others that read this have a good day.

Oh wow I really like this take ! You said some great things and very unbiased and civil.

I think shippers like I said seek out blogs like mine and others because they to know something is low key off with this relationship. I think they to some degree see what some of us on this side see A lot of them also live through Kaia…so pointing out weird shit in this relationship offends them as if they were her & the one dating Austin. That’s why they go to way so badly.

I find it strange that Austin barely mentions Kaia but has told the blue christmas story more than once and mentioned vanessa multiple times over the course of them being broken up. He even spoke about their trip to Italy in a podcast…but with Kaia…nothing. With Vanessa no one has to put him on the spot he brings up her himself.

I wish most of the shippers like you. I made a post about how their a small handful I have met who know how I feel but do not harass and bitch about my opinion. If they see something off being said about Kaia they keep it moving and let people be.

The relationship is off and I know it isn’t me and others just thinking this because we aren’t fans of Kaia. Even if I was a shipper I would still think shit is fucking weird.

[kestalsblog]

Tips for Writing Characters in Recovery from Addiction

I've encountered several portrayals of characters in recovery from addiction, both in fanfiction and published writing, that are clearly somewhat under-researched or leaning into stereotypes. Additionally, writing advice posts on the subject often feel detached and cite statistics rather than express humanity.

As a result, I decided to put together what I believe to be some characteristics and shared experiences of people in recovery that aren't just about withdrawal and might be less familiar to the general public. Perhaps they can be useful to writers aiming to write thoughtful and accurate portrayals of characters in similar situations.

Please note, of course, that both addiction and recovery are very unique, personalized experiences, so no one list will ever apply 100% to a single person—fictional or real.

Dreams of relapse. I personally experience these dreams at least 4-5 times a month, and they're unlike any other other dreams I have because they're so vivid and lifelike that I wake from them completely convinced for a moment that I did, in fact, relapse. These dreams do NOT mean you want to relapse. In fact, they are often a sign of extreme fear of relapse. The possibility of it is so nightmarish that your mind can only translate it into a literal night terror.

Adding to the previous point, the fear of relapse is seriously underestimated. Some people assume recovered addicts are always thinking about relapsing in a tempting way, but lots of these thoughts stem from the absolute, paralyzing terror of the past repeating itself—not an alluring urge to return to it.

Paranoia that everyone is looking at you thinking "they know the truth about my past. They know I was an addict." These beliefs are, of course, unfounded.

Constantly categorizing everything as "before addiction," "during addiction," and "after addiction." Even something as simple as looking at photographs can elicit thoughts like, "I was so happy in this picture. I had no idea what was coming for me in six months."

Counting recovery days nonstop to the point that it can even become debilitating. Your sense of time is forever altered because you're always trying to "catch up" on all the time you "wasted."

If people know, they will constantly make snide or condescending remarks, no matter how far along in recovery you are. "An addict is always an addict." "Well, I can see you're doing better than you used to be!" "I would never do something like that."

People will relentlessly assume you are less intelligent and talk to you like you're a child, especially if you're in the early stages of recovery.

Everyone knows addicts lose friends and/or family, and sometimes for good reasons, but the sheer number of people who leave for no apparent reason when you're actively trying to get better is surprising. The stigma surrounding addiction is so intensely negative that most people don't even want to be tangentially associated with it.

Addicts and recovered addicts are fetishized in unexpected ways— sometimes because of the obviously sickly appearance, the assumption that they will do anything to feed their addiction, the false belief that they are "fun" or "exciting," or maybe even that they just seem pathetic. Random people in public will approach you and straight-up ask for the most disrespectful sexual acts you can imagine. (After my addiction became common knowledge, people I thought were good people suddenly started trying like mad to sleep with me and then ditched me entirely. That's probably one of the most painful learning moments I had).

Physical symptoms can appear months, even years, after recovery starts. I know some who have noticed their hands suddenly becoming shakier, their hair thinner, and unusual chest pains.

You often become so angry and guilty with your past self that it prevents you from seeing how extraordinary your progress really is.

You start to realize how far you've come and how liberated you are in the smallest of moments. One of the greatest accomplishments of mine was realizing one morning when I woke up that the last thought I'd had before going to bed had not been about my addiction. Throughout my entire years of addiction, it was literally always the first thing on my mind when I woke up, even if it was just getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It was the last thing I thought of every single night before I fell asleep.

Speaking of sleep, a full night's sleep! Full meals! Not feeling sick 100% of the time. At first, it's almost like growing into a new body.

Your memory is not the same as before, whether you remember too much or there are big dark patches in your mind.

The appreciation. As difficult and painful as it is, a world in recovery is also so often a world of supreme beauty. You pay attention to life's details in ways you never could have imagined before. Things assume a gentle sincerity and sensitivity they never had previously.

Relapse does not always even happen. Some people quit and never look back. I decided to change my life in every way in February 2021 and spent all of that March relapsing. By April 1, I was ready and never went back once.

Addicts are always deemed selfish and narcissistic, even recovered addicts. Sometimes, ironically, recovery leads to increased empathy. It can take reaching a low point to understand another person's low point.

Recovery can be quiet. It's not always over-the-top constant relapses, breakdowns, etc. Sometimes it's just very private and silent attempts to make your life better.

Finally, a point I would like to emphasize is that addiction is a lonely, isolating experience, but often recovery is too. Yes, you can have rehab (if you're lucky to get into a good one), and, yes ,you might have a group or loved ones who help you (I hope). But every reason behind addiction and what you're actually addicted to is so individualized that no one will ever wholly share your experience. Finding a community can be challenging.

But, despite it all, recovery is a unique, beautiful, enlightening experience. If I were given the choice to go back and make it so I'd never had any of it happen, I would choose that option in a heartbeat. Still, I know in the depths of my soul, I'd be trading away some of the most raw, vulnerable, and profound lessons of my life in favor of blissful ignorance.

Above all else, I hope if you write a character in recovery, you try to portray them as you would anyone else—a nuanced and interesting human being 🫶

[theamityelf]

(In the Mini THH AU)

Some time after the execution for the fourth trial, Hajime speaks up to say, "So, Nagito. Are you finally going to let Makoto out of your pocket now?" Because usually that's when he'd do it, and give Makoto a chance to talk to the other kouhais about what they've just experienced.

But he looks around and finds that Nagito is long gone.

Back at his cabin, Nagito is running water in his bathroom sink, holding a ruler and thermometer to make sure the water comes to exactly an inch high and isn't too hot or cold. Makoto, standing on the side of the basin, between the faucet and the toothbrush cup, is trying to ask a question, but the running water covers the sound of his tiny voice. He waves for attention, and Nagito turns the water off.

"You still haven't explained why you hid me from the others," Makoto says. "Or what you read in that binder. Or why you've been angry all day."

Nagito scoops him up, mussing his sweat-dampened hair with one fingertip. There's a look in his eyes, and has been at least since Makoto could see his face again, that looks as if he's simultaneously hyperfocused on what he's doing and mentally detached from it. Like he's on autopilot with his eyes firmly on the road.

"I'm sorry it was so uncomfortable in there," he says. "There was no ice in the octagon, and nothing safe to soak a napkin with. I did my best to keep you from my body heat."

"It's fine. Please just tell me what's wrong."

"Maybe...We can read through the binder together later, okay? After your bath." He sets Makoto back down on the basin, turning his back so Makoto can get undressed. He pours a bit of shampoo into the cap of the shampoo bottle for him. "I'm going to hurry and pack our things before the others are back from the execution. Fortunately, they usually linger, and they'll probably want a meal first thing."

"Pack? Where are we going?"

"The beach house on the second island. We're surrounded, here. Even if I blocked off the door and the windows, someone could swim beneath us. There's only one path to the beach house, which makes it a lot easier to protect, and I can grab some diner food on the way so we can hole up until we've decided how to proceed."

"That...I know you said we'll read through what you learned later, but can you just tell me something to explain why you're suddenly so hostile to everyone else?"

"It's just because...they were never what we thought they were. They wasted their potential for hope."

"Wasted their potential...?"

"Hey." Nagito is gripping the edge of the sink tightly. "Once you find out the truth...it's okay if you hate me. I'll still protect you and care for you as best I can, so please don't feel like you have to pretend you aren't revolted."

"...Whatever it is, Monokuma showed it to you for a reason. He wanted to hurt you, and he wanted you to hurt them. We can't let him have that. You understand, right?"

Nagito makes a sound that is very difficult to parse as positive or negative. Almost like a sound Teruteru might make. Almost.

"Earlier, you were talking about all the ways you almost lost me. But, you're not giving yourself credit for the fact that you didn't. You always found me and made sure I was safe and well-taken-care-of. You made sure Hajime would be the one looking after me when you were sick, because you knew that Mikan-"

"Mikan," Nagito echoes. His body, which seemed to be gradually melting as he listened to Makoto's words, suddenly erects itself. "Yes, of course. It also explains why she..." The reminder seems to energize him, in a very unintended way. "I need to pack. I'll be back in just a minute."

When he returns, he has a heavy backpack on his back and a pillowcase filled with various other possessions in one hand. He helps Makoto out of the basin to dry off and get dressed.

"You rushed out before I could finish," Makoto complains.

Nagito kneels so he's at eye-level. "My apologies. But we should really hurry, before we risk running into the others en route. And...it's not fair of me to let you praise me before you know the truth."

Since Makoto has finished getting dressed, he scoops him up.

"Wait, wait! Are you about to put me back in your pocket?"

"I'm afraid so. But do remember that you're more than welcome to hate me for it."

Makoto is nestled gently into Nagito's left breast pocket. There is already a napkin-wrapped ice cube there for him this time, keeping the temperature manageable. He can both hear and feel Nagito's heartbeat. It could very well soothe him to sleep.

"You..." Nagito breathes. Makoto feels Nagito's big hand carefully cupping the pocket he's occupying. "What does it say about me, that the Ultimate Hope makes me desperately want to be selfish?"

Makoto gives an answer, but of course Nagito can't hear it.

He leaves his cabin without another word.

[drdemonprince]

Since i just saw the last ask you answered: so my occasionally slighly tenuous grasp on reality could also be an Autism thing?

If you'll bear with me for being nitpicky, I don't really think it's useful to answer whether "xyz is an Autism thing," no matter what the "thing" is that we are talking about, because every single Autistic trait exists within the full spectrum of humanity to varying degrees, and every single experience that we might call an Autistic trait or an Autistic "thing" can also originate from dozens of other sources. Rather than calling any trait an "Autism thing", I find it's more useful to be precise about where and when an experience appears, and why.

Many Autistic people dissociate a lot. We do this because of sensory overwhelm, because of trauma, because we are missing out on a variety of social cues and are punished for it and therefore don't have a grounded, safe-feeling sense of reality to trust, we do it because we tend to be less checked into our bodies, we sometimes deliberately choose to detach from reality because our imaginations are more interesting and relatable to us than our surroundings, and on and on.

For these reasons, many Autistic people feel as if they are not real, or that they aren't human, or they don't inhabit reality. Pair this with a ton of imaginative thinking, hyperfixation on an extremely niche subject, or the manipulations of an abuser or a cult, and you can very easily get an Autistic person who's grasp of reality may feel tenuous or shifting. This can get better or worse depending on a person's circumstances, coping mechanisms, social supports, and so on.

Because of ableism and society's fear of the "mad", we get taught that every person is either sane or they are insane, and that having a firm grasp on reality is a binary, but actually anyone can have distorted thinking, psychotic features, hallucinations, a sense that the world around them is not "real", or intense dissociation that makes it hard to function. Also, some of these forms of detachment can really help protect and comfort a person, and don't pose a problem in life at all.

You will be the expert on how best to make sense of your experience with reality.

[thespoonlord]

Here are my thoughts on the situation.

*very long post incoming*

Firstly and I cannot stress this enough, MOST IMPORTANTLY:

SUPPORT SHUBBLE!!!!!!!

It was so incredibly brave of her to speak out about what happened to her, and they deserve so much love and support. Please go and watch her videos, subscribe, and spread kindness to her. They are absolutely just wonderful.

Secondly: I do not support him. at all. I'm not going to say his name because he doesn't deserve attention, but you know who I'm talking about. I think that what he did is absolutely abhorrent and loathsome, and on top of all that he delivers an "apology" that is simply just shit. Everybody's responses to this situation are a hundred thousand times better than whatever that was. Hell, Dreams response was leagues better than a single word said in that sorry excuse of 4 paragraphs.

Thirdly: There's been a lot of talk about "separating the art from the artist" surrounding this, and I both agree and disagree with this sentiment. On the one hand, I completely understand still enjoying some of his music and videos without directly tying it to him or supporting him at all. But on the other hand. He is an abuser. I personally feel that as long as you are not directly supporting him, and making sure that you are not, I think that you should be allowed to listen to his music, or watch reuploads of his videos on other peoples channels. With how big of an impact this man made, I cannot blame you. Its very hard to just drop someone and move on so quickly. (for some people, that is.) We need to allow ourselves time to move on and adjust, and we need to be patient with others as well. If you have moved on already, please be considerate and understanding to others who are still trying to let go.

Now another tangent similar to the paragraph above:

To be blunt: I think that we should completely separate and detach the characters that this man played and "created" from his actual person. and I say created in quotes because I don't really think it was he who made them. I think it was the community. We were given characters that were kind of blank slates in a way, they had a basic kind of personality and some defining traits and goals. but that character only flourished and came alive when we, the community started putting our own thoughts and headcanons in them. These characters for me in my mind were mostly filled with other people's and my personal headcanons and stuff from other stories and people's personal interpretations in fanfiction and artwork, and I think it's very important to separate these characters that people like and enjoy from the actual person who is terrible and shouldn't be given a second thought. I really feel that the characteristics and personalities of these characters were built up so much more by the community, and waaaay less by the content creator himself. I think that these characters made should not be attached to him anymore. They shouldn't, because in a way they are ours.

We should separate them. We can separate them.

*Also! I've seen so many really cool ocs that have sprung forth based off of these characters, and I just gotta say: Way to go! I think that further disconnecting these characters from him by putting your own spin on them and even replacing his characters in your story with your ocs is a really cool thing, and I love seeing it!

Moving on from this man is going to be really hard, for some people more than others especially considering the insane impact he had on so many peoples lives, and I want you to know that you can take all the time you need to process your feelings and thoughts on this situation and make the best decision for you on how to continue. Your allowed to be upset. I'm upset. But, I'm really proud and happy that so many in this community aren't supporting an abuser. (heck even the dream and Tommy stans teamed up)

As for me, I will not let this ruin the dream smp and it's story for me, or any other story that he was in. I will continue to make fanart of the many other characters featured in the smp and other stories, as well as make fanart of other content creators. Although I have been deeply affected by this, I was honestly always really a fan of other people and their povs more anyways. (like Eret, Technoblade, Tommy and Quackity.)(and these are just a few others I watched!! you should really give everyone's povs a try :))

Lastly, and again I absolutely must make this SO SO CLEAR: FULL SUPPORT TO SHUBBLE!! She is so so brave and amazing for speaking out about this, and I highly encourage everyone to support them in any way you can!!!!! SHUBSCRIBE!! They are almost at 1 million!! Instead of focusing and wasting your time on him, please give all of your attention and care to her!!

Wishing you the strength to continue, process what's happening, and move on safely and smoothly, and wishing Shelby all the goodness and love in the world to recover and heal from this. ❤️

[cebwrites]

oc, gen word count: 0.5k

Takashi runs into some of Kirin's crew occasionally, it's not very often but it's kind of impossible to avoid entirely.

Instance one, he bumps into Coco on the run from other pirates, "Well if it isn't Tacchan!" (She ended up using him as cover) Instance two, Tetsu waves him over at the market, "Yo, Takashi! It's been a while! How are you?" And so on so forth, including Kirin himself.

The moment he sees his brother alone and out of view from other marines after these shenanigans, Takashi grabs Kirin to throttle him.

Takashi: Will you and your crew stop being so buddy buddy with me already! I'm a marine D:< Kirin, grabbing his face: They're my family and you're my baby brother; we're family, Tacchan. ("Stop calling me that, wE'RE ENEMIES!!!" （≧□≦）)

Some crew members in the background snicker about how Kirin's been chewed out like this before by Smoker.

They go back and forth, Takashi's insisting that Kirin treat him like a proper marine threat and Kirin's being deliberately obtuse/kind of a dismissive dick in typical older sibling fashion Eventually, Kirin acknowledges the trouble his actions bring, and more importantly the danger that could come if Akainu saw his brother conspiring with pirates, so he relents Takashi puffs his chest out - finally, a win over his brother (a small one, but win's a win)

The next time they see each other it's because Takashi's made aware of a commotion from one of his subordinates - by the time he gets there, Takashi can see a few of Kirin's crew surrounded by marines but they're having to trouble at all forcing their way through. Some of them look like they're enjoying it.

He's nearly blindsided by an attack from Kirin himself, the way he looks at him is completely different; it's cold and detached, maybe a little angry, too. They clash, Takashi has a hard time keeping up even for however brief their skirmish is. He hasn't felt this much pressure from his older brother since their fight near Dressrosa.

Kirin doesn't talk to him outside of saying that he should pull his troops back, they won't win.

Takashi looks over to the battlefield, he's right. The Hiraishin aren't as bloodthirsty as they were before, killing blows aren't being made, but they're winning.

He orders his men away, the Hiraishin pirates escape. Sakazuki chews him out when he reports back to New Marineford for not "enforcing justice" well enough and, as always, he's given some disciplinary busy work.

It's not the first time Takashi's questioned his position as a marine, what he's actually doing here, what his purpose is. But getting what he wanted, being looked at by his brother like that.

It hurts.

Some time later on their ship, Kirin gets elbowed for being a twat.

He stands his ground that he was just doing as asked, if Takashi was so eager to be treated like a marine then he'd get the full ride. Maybe he was being difficult, but nobody ever asked him how he felt always having to be the bad guy.

So enemies it was.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

"Representative samples"

The world is in many ways a very small place. It contains the Earth, and that's about it; everything else seems to be a kind of extension, an outgrowth, or even a banal lie: at least, such is the impression I get from my own experience as well as from the available data. But there are some people who believe otherwise -- they think that we are surrounded by a vast number of other inhabited planets, all equally real but each existing in its own separate dimension. A planet similar enough to our own for the two of them to share a name appears every time someone thinks hard about it (and vice versa), just like how you can have multiple dreams with different settings if you sleep deeply enough. Accordingly, some scientists call these universes "planetary projections."

In one of those, you might find me. In another, not.

But this is not what I want to talk about today. What interests me most right now is the question of whether we should care. Do I care? And do you care, reader? If your answer is yes, then why? Why are you interested in reading this story at all? Is it because you know me personally, so you feel compelled to keep up with whatever I happen to be doing? Or is it because of something more abstract than that, something rooted in empathy or intellectual curiosity? Whatever it may be, let us say for purposes of discussion that you care. Wouldn't it follow that you also care about others whose lives intersect mine in various ways? The girl sitting next to me on the bus, the guy across town whom I met once when he was buying a newspaper late at night, the policeman who pulled me over last weekend, etc., etc.. You wouldn't care about their stories unless I told you about them, would you? Right? Well, if that's true, then maybe you don't really care about me either. Maybe it's only the stories themselves that matter to you, not the person telling them. [ETA: Actually, scratch the word "only". That's too strong.]

Maybe this line of reasoning sounds silly. After all, no one has ever written any novel without making use of its characters. If it were possible to write a novel about nothing but events without context, no one would bother writing anything. Even the greatest works of literature contain personalities. So, what am I getting at here? Well, I don't mean that novels aren't meaningful. On the contrary! They are often extremely important. Still, there is an unmistakable difference between personal involvement and detachment. Let me illustrate using a familiar example. There's a TV show called House MD which I enjoy immensely. Whenever Hugh Laurie makes his little speech after seeing a patient ("Diagnosis: Diverticulitis"), I never fail to chuckle. However, if the show had been titled Dr. James Wilson MD instead, I probably wouldn't have

[faithfromanewperspective]

I remember not having the words to describe why 'sanctification is seeing people more and more as humans who have a divine right to be respected and make autonomous choices' which to me, is canon christianity (yes I'm reclaiming the name) and at the centre of how we love others.

Post content is so true and (the expose from the inside) most of us aren't even aware of it when we're anxious that we're not loving our friends enough, that if truly knowing God is so good, that why we don't, like, talk about it to our friends?

We're all fucking scared of doing the wrong thing and feel like we constantly are. Cause the 'good' ones, they're the ones that get up to this shit and are such true believers in a warped, prideful and condescending cause. And the most powerful thing to realise for me was, okay, there is a reason I'm not comfortable with that and it's not because I'm scared of 'what people might think'. I'm scared of not being a good enough Christian, yes, but also the whole idea of Christianity is that I don't have to, so, fuck the people who made me feel like it wasn't true.

But I know for certain that I'm not the only one who sat there beating myself up for not being able to be like that, thinking if I just tried harder. Who are actually gifted, as a large portion of the population are, with the understanding deep in our instincts of what basic human respect is, and this isn't it. It's a gift from God to know that and I will never not say that.

That 'oh no what if they go to hell' is a fear motivation tactic (and contradicts like all the actual God quotes in the bible), if you believe there is a hell for people, the only thing it's an expression of is our right to choose whether we want goodness or not.

It was never a test of if we could be good enough, and yet Christianity is a religion that's super fucking ableist where you will probably feel like everything you do is wrong and not good enough, unless you're surrounded by community who doesn't believe this to be true. We aren't supposed to 'save' ourselves from hell. And we certainly were never meant to do anything unethical to attempt to manipulate others to be 'saved' from it either.

And I draw a really high standard for what is ethical here too, higher than what most people would consider (especially the church ugh) because I think that's like, the whole point of what Jesus spent his loud years saying. From the Christian standpoint, you believe in something that told you to cut off your hand rather than touch someone in an objectifying, disrespectful, non-consensual manner. To gouge your eyes out. And yet.

As I detach myself enough to see clearly what's going on: it's what I always knew it was. People, a bunch of them, in positions of power, usually men but not always, so entrenched in fear of messing up like they 'always' do. Suppressing the feeling of not being enough. Suppressing the fear of eternal damnation, right up til it's time to channel it. Motivation. To do life with someone and show them in your life that we can live spiritually and without guilt and in connection with others? But none of those things are happening for you are they? No, to convince them. It's the only thing you can understand if you're in that position, you're really not capable of connection at all because you can't accept yourself, can't accept someone else as they are either, it's much too terrifying. So you have to change them. And you're 100% going to get disappointed. Frustrated. Because you're entitled to something that's theirs, not yours. Because you're not living a life characterised by hope, but hidden fear you try hard to bury and gaslight yourself out of, because you're told fear is bad. But you're coming undone, trying to salvage yourself by controlling others, and you're really just becoming an asshole, and everyone (who isn't versed in the same narrative that you are and probably idolise you) can see it.

What happened to the God who gave you that choice, do you want to be good, and made it very dramatically sure the onus of doing all the good things in order to be 'enough' wasn't on you? What happened to doing good because he's made it so that you're already enough? And viewing people that same way God sees you, so worthy of choice and freedom and so worth everything?

You can't show someone what freedom is like (which is how I reframe evangelism) if you're not free. And you're most definitely not. You're not making the choice to be good. You're stuck in your own self-righteousness as a cover for your insecurity deep inside more than you're actively realising the simple truth: you want to be good, the kind of good you believe God is. No, you must prove that you can be good. If that means denying others' sacred dignity, which you're too emotionally suppressed to realise, it's not good. God is not in it. And so it will fail. Your resulting buildup of frustration will cause hurt, radiating around you. The more you're stuck in this trauma coping mechanism, the worse it will be, and the quicker it'll break you. It should break you. Before you break everyone else.

So back on earth, you're not weird if you see this. If you see its roots in the very fabric of colonialism, all over the planet, all over the segment of the anthropocene we inhabit. If you're anywhere from an uncomfortable to confused to fuming Christian to anywhere along the diverse explosion of life that exists nowhere near it and like 'this is fucked' yes. I believe God thinks so too. It needs to be called out, all the more if you believe these people are taking something actually beautiful and maybe cosmically important and turning it into a trap.

So then, for those of us who choose to interact with them, if we choose that as part of our activism, what do we do? We evangelise! We show them, through our lives and our words and our very important boundaries, this is what a life of freedom can look like. It can be so for you, too. After all, isn't that what they tell themselves they're selling us (and it's more important than our freedom to make our own choice without relational manipulation in the moment)? And even more bonus if you think following Jesus for who he is (not who a bunch of power hungries say and imply he is) is the path to that! If you believe God can make change, then it's not too late for people to open their eyes to their own logical fallacy. But please, please don't bank on it. Don't make the mistake they did, even while we're too far from the power to get entitled about it now, don't let a scrap of your worth be dependent on their changing. Don't let any of these things trap you. Pay attention to your feelings and when it might be time to get the fuck out of there.

something that rly creeps me out…..occasionally ill see videos or articles for christians or christian missionaries that say something like “what you need to do is make friends with non christians and really get them to trust you and THEN you start preaching to them and bringing them to jesus” and that is….man how much would it hurt to know that the only reason someone’s hanging out with you is to convert you to a religion you were never interested in. maybe this is a real friend, someone you really really feel like you connect to, and all of a sudden you cant hang out with them without being scared they’ll bring out the jesus stuff.

[bluebellthesponge]

apropos of nothing my brain just remembered you talking about NSYNC being your parents' ages and suddenly putting together that you are actually a few years younger than Joey's oldest kid. This isn't that special, but I still remember when her existence was confirmed after months of being an Internet rumor and the fact that she's basically grown fucks me up.

lol obvs i'm sure in couple of years it will be a mindfuck for me as well to see kids born in the 2020s like artists from today in 2040 and refer to them in such a way as a distant memory...i am already flabbergasted seeing kids born in 2013 being 10 years old and not babies...also tiktokkers already making aesthetics and romanticizing things from 2014 is also sort of weird to see, but i am sure as time goes on i will probably start seeing more posts about past years that i fully more lived in/remember talked about in a way like it is something "distant" and that will be interesting to experience

for me i can look back at old nsync performances and see them basically around my age/only a couple years older do these performances it's still a different experience than watching people actually around my age today be performers you know? i know nsync aren't around my age anymore, i know what i am watching was filmed at a time i did not exist in, they're now all dads...(besides jc technically speaking which good for him), but like dad age basically. like i can so see joey be a friend of my mom's, my mom loves joey, but not in a cougar way, because i know joey back then was also popular with the moms but now being the 2020s, it's not like my mom is thinking this 20 something year old guy is cute, because i mean joey is from my mom's generation so she just likes a guy around her age lmao

it's interesting to hear how joey's first kid was just an internet rumor back then, while it is not impossible today to basically be hush hush about your pregnancy/kid today, it is definitely more interesting/rare to see somebody of influence not be quick to post a pregnancy announcement/birth post right away or never even post at all about their kids these days. i just feel like back then almost every celebrity was so detached from being so interactive??? with their audience, there wasn't individual users of them online, just some guys you would listen through a radio or see on tv lol. that's how i prefer it tbh. i actively do not follow any celebrities on social media. i prefer being detached to them on a personal level and only really enjoying their art and some lore that surrounds them. i just like them beep booping around on screen singing a song, not whatever they have to post on tiktok these days

maybe reversed to you it's a weird experience whenever i come across these old forgotten fansites that haven't been updated since 2001 still exist or come across fics that were written at a time i wasn't even conceived of is just so fascinating to me...fandom has really always been happening before i existed and will continue even after i die lol. obvs i wasn't there for nsync in its heyday in the early '00s, it's still a very interesting subject...once again i hope to one day make some video essays about nsync topics since there is a lot of things that could be talked about the band, the period, and the fandom itself and i just don't see much talk about it haha

one of my older sisters was born around the 2002 winter olympics, and nsync performed a concert for it and i am so mad she didn't drive her 10 day old ass to catch nsync all the way to utah!!! fakeeee (joking)

also i just listened to songbird and thank you! honestly chris get on it...NOW... now i am mad because it reminds me how much potential nsync could have had on covering songs, but they are cowards and don't really do that >:((( i watched nsync's rio show last night and when they did that very interesting medley cover of bee gees song,,,it just reminds me how much potential nsync just generally could have had with showcasing all their abilities back then but at last,,,hopefully with this reunion(???) we get more fun stuff out of them, but if not it's fine ig lol they don't owe a random 18 year old on the internet anything

[votestaynight2]

6th Day - beautiful (I) (Scene 3)(Attempt 2) / 7th Day dialogue lost loop (Scene 1) (Attempt 2)

Now we are choosing to go out shopping rather than watch TV.

"――――Oh yeah――――" I forgot about it because of all the things that happened this morning, but I did make a promise with Ilya. …Well, it wasn't really a promise, but I'd be really dishonest if I don't go, as I'm the one who asked her if we could see each other again.

"Saber and Sakura are…" They're doing the dishes together. If I tell them I'm going out, they'll either stop me or insist on coming along.

If I'm going to go see Ilya, I should do it alone. I feel bad, but I'll just leave a note and sneak out――――

"――――Phew." I managed to sneak out. I left them a note saying, "Going to buy stuff for dinner. Be back in an hour," so they shouldn't be too worried.

"Hm… So she's not here, as I thought." There's no one in the park. Even with the apartments looming overhead, this place is so cold that it feels like it'll start snowing at any moment.

"…Well, I don't know what I'd talk about even if she were here." I sit on the bench. Setting the grocery bag down, I look up at the dark sky. …It seems the gift I bought at the shopping district went to waste.

"――――――――" I stare at the sky absent-mindedly. It must be because this place is surrounded by buildings. Only a tiny square of sky is visible, and it seems farther away than usual.

"―――――――It's cold." I can see my breath. The cold, dry air is freezing, and I wouldn't be surprised even if it started snowing.

"――――Well, I should go home." I grab the grocery bag and get up. It's past two o'clock. I have to leave now if I'm going to be home in time.

"Huh――――?" My legs freeze. They won't move. They don't even budge, no matter how hard I try――――

"――――" My vision blurs. No, that's an understatement. My vision is broken. My eyes have bulged into my skull, and I have no sense of distance.

"――――Ah――――――――" I realize that I'm in the worst situation possible. It feels like my body has been turned into stone. My nerves are disconnected, leaving me detached from the world. It's like I'm watching the world through a camera, controlling myself in a video game.

"Sa… ber――――" I'll be killed. It was a mistake to go outside alone.

I can't even see my attacker's face, let alone move, and―――― "Did I surprise you? You were completely defenseless, so I had to tease you." ―――Um, I'm being teased by this mischievous girl?

"Oh, you're back to normal. I guess contacting you through vision isn't that strong." "Il――――"

She appears from behind me. She's smiling, probably because she was already here and was watching me from behind.

"But you're no good if you can't dispel magic using your own powers. Your future looks gloomy if outside factors are the only things that can dispel you." She lectures me. But her words aren't coming into my brain.

"Ilya――――! What are you doing!? Surprise attacks are unfair, even if we're both Masters!"

"Hey, that wasn't a surprise attack. I was sitting next to you for a while. But you didn't notice me, and then you made it worse by getting ready to leave. That was your own fault, Shirou." "…!? Y-You were sitting next to me this whole time?"

"Yeah, I was hiding a bit. But you're too careless. You didn't notice my presence, and you were captivated by a spell that merely uses direct magical energy contact. You're a Master, so you should keep a better watch on your surroundings." Ilya warns me, utterly amazed.

"Oh――――yeah. You're right." She seems so much like a teacher that I find myself nodding.

"It's good if you understand. ―――So, what's going on today? You're empty inside right now, but you don't have Saber with you. If you're trying to rest, wouldn't it be safer to do it at home?"

"Huh? Well, I didn't come here to rest. Well, you're right that not bringing Saber was careless of me."

"Right? I couldn't leave you alone because you seemed so odd. I wasn't supposed to talk to you after yesterday, but I'll make an exception for today." "…?" Ilya's saying something strange. After all, I came to this park because…

"So, why were you just sitting here? You would've been dead if I came here as a Master." "Well, I just came here to see you. You told me yesterday that we could meet again."

"――――――――What?" Oh, she's surprised. …Well, it's not like it was an official promise.

"Why…? You came to see me, even though I told you I'll be trying to kill you?" "That's your choice. It's not mine. I just want to talk to you, not fight. And in any case――――"

Ilya said she'd kill me, but she just let a chance go by. She could've really done it if she'd kept her spell on me. As she didn't do so, I don't want to fight her.

"――――Masters don't fight during daytime, right? Then let's forget about it for now. I just came here to see you. Do you want to kill me more than you want to talk with me?"

"Eh――――? T-That's an unfair question. I have to do both. It's fun to talk with you, but I can't forgive you. So I can't choose just one."

Ilya hangs her head and mumbles. She looks serious, like she's actually suffering rather than just being troubled.

"…I see. Then I don't care. I won't ask you to choose one." "Oh… B-But I…" "I know. But since we're both here, let's talk. I brought a gift for you today, so we'll fight some other time."

I take out a bag of taiyaki. They cooled off while I was waiting for Ilya, but they're still a bit warm.

"Here's the offering. I'll give you these, so please let me go this time." I hold out the taiyaki. "Oh――――" Ilya hesitates, but then takes them and nods.

I'm not too sure what we talked about after that. We talked about meaningless things: What she likes to eat, what she doesn't like to eat, how she likes birds and hates cats, how she likes snow and hates the cold, how she wants to play but can't, and how she doesn't like her maids but wants to like them.

Ilya looks happy just to be talking. She is sitting on the bench, eating the taiyaki, and swinging her legs. …She looks like a child waiting for her father's return.

"―――I see. So you didn't come to this town by yourself?" "No, I came with Sella and Leysritt. I don't need people to keep an eye on me, but I do need people to take care of my place, right?"

…So Ilya came to Japan with two maids. Are they staying at a hotel or something?

"What? Are you curious? Do you want to know where I live?" "Eh… yeah, I'm curious. You keep popping up at unexpected times, but what would I do if an emergency happens and I don't know where you live?"

Even if she gets injured and asks me for help, I won't be able to if I don't know that. I'll rest a little easier if I know where she lives――――

"――――All right. You're special. If you want to know that badly, I'll tell you." Then. Ilya stands up and places her hand on my forehead.

"Whoa――――hey, Ilya…" "Just be quiet. You'll enter some other place if you resist me too hard. It's troublesome to return things to normal if that happens." She glares at me. "Oh――――okay." Under that kind of pressure, I can only nod obediently.

"That's a good boy. Then close your eyes. And don't look around too much, okay? Even though I'm transferring you, you'll get motion sickness because the view is someone else's."

"――――!" Ilya places her forehead onto mine. I'm surprised, but I close my eyes. ――――At that moment…

My vision accelerates and expands. No, was it my consciousness that expanded? The next thing I know, I'm looking down at an unfamiliar scene.

"Can you see it? I transferred your vision to my forest."

Ilya's voice echoes in my head. I can't reply, nor nod back. This "vision" is the only thing allowed for me. I'm one of the trees in the forest. It's natural that my body doesn't move. My body has been turned into a tree in an instant.

"Did you memorize the route? Then I'll transfer you to the castle wall now."

The scene changes. My vision is the only sense I have. ―――I still exist, but I can't feel myself.

I'm a wall now. I can sense my limbs, but there are no limbs for me to move. I have a body that can move at will, yet I can't move it.

"Leysritt. I cannot find Ilyasviel-sama. Do you know where she may be?" "……No. Ilya should be somewhere." "Leysritt. Please do not refer to our lady so crudely. Ilyasviel-sama is not like us. Have you forgotten our mission?"

"Sella is Ilya's teacher. I'm to dress Ilya with Heavens Feel, the third dress." "Correct. It seems even your poor memory can retain that."

"……I didn't forget. …But Ilya hates wearing that. So I don't like it."

"…I understand that as well. But we need her to wear it when the time comes. We were made for that purpose. She must be prepared as well."

"……Sella." "What is it, Leysritt?" "……Don't you get tired?" "Not at all!"

…I hear two identical maids talking. When I realize those two are the maids Ilya was talking about…

…I finally return to my body.

"How was it? That was some great transformation magic, right?" "Uh――――Uh…"

…I hold my mouth and bear my nausea. I feel sick, suddenly feeling the realism of my body.

"Ilya… What was that?" "It's transfer of consciousness. I moved your vision into some other object."

"There's a nerve going from your eyes to your brain, right? I connected that nerve to something other than your eyes. You were getting information from the trees in my forest instead of your eyes."

"……Hm. So it's not that I became the tree, but I received their vision and mistakenly thought I was one?"

"Oh, I thought you were dense, but you're actually pretty bright. Yes, that's right. That was magic to change the input while leaving the equipment called human alone. It's a big deal to change someone into a tree, but it's still in the realms of magic to connect one's consciousness to a tree. Far-sight and possession are an application of this magic."

"……I see. But that's pretty impressive stuff. I couldn't do anything when you transferred me to the tree. Couldn't you also use it to nullify your opponent?"

"Yes. Our specialty is in flow and transfer of power. For example, Tohsaka magi can transfer their magical energy into jewels without diluting its purity. Using that same technique, they can also transfer someone's consciousness. If there's an enemy they want to seal, they can nullify him by transferring his consciousness into a jewel or an immobile doll."

"But the success rate of transferring someone's consciousness is so low that even we, the ones specialized in transfer, won't use it as an attack."

"The one I did to you was an exception. You didn't resist, and that forest is mine. It's normally much harder to connect things."

"And your consciousness will be forced to return if the original body is stimulated in any way. The body will call its consciousness back when it senses danger, even if the consciousness is unaware."

"That's what happened to you just now. You couldn't do anything when your mind was in the tree, but your body called you back when I shook it."

"…Hm. So this is something like a dream?" You can never wake up from a dream, no matter how hard you try. Dreams usually end when morning comes―――when the body wakes up out of habit.

"Hmm, it's a bit different. You can wake up from a dream using your will. But that's why transferral is not fit for offense. It's more for self-protection."

"If you transfer your consciousness to your familiar or a doll that can move, you can safely pursue magic."

"……So your consciousness just returns to your original body even if an enemy destroys your familiar?"

"Yes. Magi who transfer their minds usually hide their original bodies in a safe place. In cases like this, you need to watch out when you transfer into a familiar with its own soul."

"When you transfer your consciousness into something with a proper chain of command, the initiative is completely held by them."

"So even if you transfer into humans or animals, you can only occupy a corner of their brain and observe what they see. They will serve as a camera, not a remote-controlled robot."

"Moving your consciousness into a living thing with its own will is more like reincarnation than transfer. That alone is a great magic, so no ordinary magus would be able to do it."

…Reincarnation. Magic to create an offspring with your soul in it after you die. Some magi have achieved that goal, but I hear that reproducing a soul is difficult.

Even if you start over from the moment of birth, if you cannot inherit all the power of your previous self, you are a copy, not a reincarnation. A copy is degraded by its very nature. Therefore, a copied magus is inferior to his previous self.

"If you want to transfer yourself into a living thing, you can make a familiar without a soul. But the soulless familiars used today are weak. It's just like controlling a doll filled with cotton. They're only useful as messengers."

"And even if you transfer your consciousness into a familiar or doll, you will disappear if your original body grows old and dies. It's not immortality."

"The only eternal things in this physical world are souls. But nobody can keep souls by themselves. A soul cannot stay in this world without a body, and it will be destined with 'eventual death' once it obtains a body. Well, it just means that's the limit of magic by Einzbern and Tohsaka."

―――Then. A bell rings the time. The clock in the park points at three. I guess it's already been an hour.

"Oh… I have to get going. Are you going home too?" "Hm? Yeah, I should be heading home."

Ilya nods and walks to the middle of the park.

"…Okay. I shouldn't say this, but…" The white girl asks me…

"Will you come see me again tomorrow, Shirou?" …As if she knows I'm going to refuse.

"――――――――" You idiot. I don't even need to answer.

"―――Of course I'll come tomorrow. You showed me your house, so it's my turn next." "Okay! Then I'll be sure to call out to you first tomorrow!"

Ilya runs off. Under the cloudy sky… The white-haired girl looks like a fairy.

"I'm home." "Where were you, Shirou!?" "Where did you go, Senpai!?" "W-Whoa――――!?" I jump back, bumping against the front door.

"No, not 'whoa'! I have told you many times not to go outside by yourself! Worse still, you snuck out while you were sick…!"

"Saber-san's right! You wrote that you'd be back at two! Do you know what time it is!? Where were you for the extra two hours!?"

"Uh――――no, hold on. I understand. I understand why you two are mad, so…" If you guys will just calm down, I should be able to come up with an excuse…

"No, you do not understand…! I agreed with your decision to go to school yesterday, but I cannot forgive you this time. It seems you are healthy enough. I shall train you until dinner!" Saber pushes Sakura aside and steps closer.

"Yes, the dojo is cleaned, so please have some matches with Saber-san! I heard how good she is from Fujimura-Sensei, so I'm sure you'll enjoy it!" Sakura pushes Saber aside and roars at me.

"Uh――――ugh." …I can't do this. I'll only add fuel to the fire if I say the wrong thing. Saber might even go as far as breaking our contract. "Where is your reply, Shirou!?" "Where's your reply, Senpai!?" "――――――Uh… I'm sorry." Rattle, rattle. I hate my front door for blocking my retreat.

"Then let us go at once. Please prepare the first-aid kit, Sakura." "Please do. Punish him all you want." The two retreat together in unison.

"………Man. I wonder if I'll be able to eat dinner tonight." But I don't know what they'll do if I don't go with them. …I guess I have to atone for my actions in the dojo…

The rest of the day passes as normal, Shinji shows up and is fucking disgusting, then Sakura passes out. Then we choose to keep an eye on her, and things continue to play out the same way until after the chat with Kotomine. Then this scene is indicated as being new:

"……" It's almost four o'clock when I get out of the restaurant. I have no business in the shopping district, so all that's left is to go home.

"――――, ――――"

…But Kotomine's story is not something I can ignore. Caster is still alive. People are still falling into unexplained comas. And――――

"…! ――――, ――――!"

I'm still surprised by how calm I was when I found out Kotomine was a Master. …Come to think of it, I never got along with him. I must have known instinctively that we would be in opposition.

"…Hey――――!"

…In any case, Kotomine lost his Servant. There are three Masters remaining now. Assassin's Master, who seems to be at the Ryudou Temple, and Archer's Master, Tohsaka. And…

"HEEEEEEEEEEY! WHY ARE YOU SPACED OUT, SHIROU!!!!!?"

"Whoaaaa!?" Berserker's Master, the girl in front of me right now――――!

"I-Ilya…!? W-Why did you suddenly jump on me!? You surprised me…!" "Hey, it wasn't sudden! You're the one who didn't notice me when I was calling out to you!"

"What…?" …Oh. I thought I heard something, but could it be…?

"…Oh man. Have you been following me ever since the shopping district?" "Yup. You were walking with a difficult expression. I called to you from behind so that I wouldn't bother you, but you just ignored me and kept on walking."

"Oh. Well, I was thinking, so it's not like I was ignoring you…" "And you didn't come to the park either. I was waiting all this time."

Oh… she's right. We have a tacit understanding to meet there in the afternoon. How could I have forgotten just because I was talking with Kotomine――――!?

"…Sorry, I forgot about it. I apologize, Ilya." "Humph. I won't forgive you that easily. I'm really mad."

Ilya glares at me. …Hmm, what should I do? I can't blame her for getting mad, since I did forget our promise and make her wait.

I have to show her my sincerity, so――――

[depresseddepot]

the way i try so SO hard to gain even a crumb of body neutrality only to then see some shit on twitter that remind me that oh yeah. a distinct portion of the population genuinely believes they are being discriminated against when they have to look at or be within 50 feet of a fat person

[ein-liebloser-wanderer]

⸸ Yandere Lobotomy Corp — The Birds of Black Forest Headcanons ( Long/Judgement Bird ) ⸸

(A yandere AU of Lobotomy Corporation where I make as many Abnormalities humanoid as possible)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Between the three of them, Long Bird had always taken the role of being the 'responsible' one.

When Big Bird worried that he won't be able to see at night, Long Bird gave him his eyes.

When Small Bird left the forest, he only waited patiently for the younger to return home, safe and sound

He had always been the mature one. The one who must be 'fair' and 'just,' to ensure harmony within the forest and that his brothers don't rip at each other's throats.

You could see that because he always remained reserved, refusing to divulge in idle chatter about hobbies, interests, and whatever it was you wanted to know about him.

And he certainly wasn't interested in learning more about you. So, why on earth do you keep talking about things he didn't even ask about? Aren't you here to do Insight work?

All this talking...it will only hinder him once he finally gives you the final judgement.

He wants to be detached, impersonal, unbiased in his judgement of you...but how could he when you keep insisting on being unprofessional?

Do you do this out of pity? Was it his worn-down bandages that elicited this response from you?

It takes him a while to open up, and when he does, you hardly notice it. Of course you wouldn't. All of it is internal, hidden from sight where no one will know of it.

With his face covered in bandages, you don't even know that he is seething in anger, conflict, and disgust.

What were you doing to him that makes it so difficult to judge you as flawed? Sinful? Corrupt? The scales were never wrong, yet he desperately wanted to refuse that you were guilty of anything.

Because there was no way you were innocent. If there was one crime he was certain you were guilty of, it was corrupting him. Because of you, he couldn't dole out judgement as efficiently as he did before at his Forest.

Not only did you thwart his judgement of you, but you even interfered with his verdict over others. You would always insist, beg, cry even, that your fellow agents were innocent, that they didn't deserve to be hanged.

And foolishly, he would relent, even though he knew this entire facility was a cesspool of sinners. You just weren't aware of it yet.

You were surrounded by some of the worst scum on the face of this earth, and you didn't even care. You're so...naughty for surrounding yourselves with such deplorable people. Seeing you with them...it made him want to hang all of them for daring to taint you even further.

One day, he will dole out your judgement. And once he does, he won't hesitate to hang you himself, to wrap his fingers around your fragile little neck and watch you struggle as you try to breathe, scream, or fight him off.

He would enjoy that...he would enjoy that very much.

"You can never run from me, [Name]. No matter how long it takes, I will give you the punishment you rightfully deserve."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Check out my other headcanons on the rest of the birds~!

⸸ Punishing Bird's Headcanons

⸸ Punishing Bird's Snippet

⸸ Big Bird's Headcanons

[simpleserendipity]

Drive Safely then | Calum Hood | Mature

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader (friends with benefits, college calum)

Warning: smut, talk about sex, blow job

Word count: 2,301 words

You sit, clicking your pen, again and again, waiting for the bell to ring in your last period class, History. Your history teacher drones on about something, a war maybe? You couldn’t help but let your mind drift to thinking about Calum, you kept thinking of the feeling of his hands sliding up your skirt slowly or his mouth trailing your body. You shake your head, turning your attention back to reality. You pull out your phone and start a text to Calum. It's been a full year since your arrangement with Calum started. You were a junior and he was a senior when it started. Now he’s in university and you’re finishing your senior year. He's a well-known soccer player at the local university and you're what you would call a slut at the local high school. You decided that it's beneficial for both of you, instead of sleeping around, you can just call each other for a hookup anytime. You could avoid the high school boys with their gossip and he could avoid the drama of girls wanting to be the girlfriend of the star player. It was exciting seeing an older boy with his own apartment because it wasn’t just hooking up in cars or bedrooms with families downstairs.

ME: What are you doing after school?

You set your phone on your thigh waiting for a response. You feel your phone vibrate quickly after.

CAL: Want me to pick you up?

You smiled.

ME: I hoped you would say that.

CAL: I'll be outside.

You set your phone down on your thigh and start to pack up your things. You had two minutes till class was over, it was the longest two minutes of your life, knowing that you could see Calum after this. It’s been two weeks since you last saw each other, you had gone longer without seeing him but recently you’ve been itching to see him. You just wanted to go see Calum. The bell rang and you got up as fast as you could. You were the first out of the classroom and you went storming down the hallway.

"Oooh ______ is practically running, she never does that," Your best friend says as he follows me down the hall, "Unless ______ is on her way to hook up with a certain someone..." He laughs. It wasn’t like it was a total secret but you didn’t want anyone to start talking about your relationship with Calum.

You flip him off, "Maybe I am," You laugh with an eye roll, "I'll talk to you later, Love you."

"Alright, love you." He laughs and goes in a different direction.

You get out the front of the school and down the steps. You had to hold yourself back from skipping to his car because of how excited you are. You head straight into the parking lot not stopping for anyone even after you hear people calling your name, waving hands at you. You see Calum's black truck, parked in the front row with the engine running. Calum sat in the driver's seat, on his phone. You get to the car and hop in. You throw your backpack on the floor and get buckled. You look over and see he’s wearing his soccer warm-ups with a beaning on his head, he must have come from practice this morning. Calum often picks you up from school since it’s the easiest place to meet him without getting questions from your parents.

"Took you fucking long enough," He leans over and kisses you slowly, just enough to tease you a bit he breaks apart and starts the car, “I was about to leave you here.” He snaps, you knew he didn’t mean it but you loved when he was like this and he knew that.

"Sorry Calum," You hummed lightly, shifting to press your thighs together, embarrassed of how turned on his simple words could make you, "I was on the opposite side of the school."

“Of course you were.” He rolls his eyes.

“I was,” You defend yourself quickly, “How was your day?”

Calum laughs, “Fine, boring as hell.” His hand finds a place on your knee, 

“How was your day?”

“It was alright,” You shift lightly so the denim skirt you had worn today slid up, 

“Pretty boring. I was thinking about you in class today.” You leaned closer to the center console.

“What did you think about?” Calum’s thumb traces circles around your knee.

“You want to know?” You giggled.

“Tell me what you were thinking about, baby girl.”

“Well,” You leaned across the console, pressing your chest against his arm, “I was thinking about how your hands would feel going up my skirt and the things your fingers can do to me or how your mouth feels on my skin or the way you taste.” You sit back in your seat as he backs out of the parking spot.

"Fuck," he mutters and moves a hand right to your inner thigh, fingers tracing circles around the soft flesh, "I can't wait to get out of here."

"Me either," You move his hand off of you.

"What the hell?" He turns and looks at me with shock, not used to you rejecting his advances in a moment like this.

"Shut up." You tell him, pulling your hair out of your face.

“What the hell do you mean ‘shut up’?” He snaps, looking around at the cars surrounding us as we wait in the afterschool traffic.

“I said shut up.” You repeat yourself as you unbuckle and move your hands over to his jeans. You move your hand over to palm him for a moment and he lets out a slight groan. You move to the waistband of his sweats.

You pull his dick out of the sweats slowly, "______, we’re literally still in the school parking lot..." He laughs, “You’re so eager today aren’t you?”

"I can't help yourself, it’s been two weeks," You said before you leaned down to kitten lick the tip, "I just want you now." You continued to lick slowly around the tip.

"Fuck," he groans as you took him in your mouth, "You're gonna get it later, baby girl." He takes one hand from the steering wheel and tugs at your hair. You moan as his grip on your hair tightens. You bob your head up and down at a tantalizing pace as he exits the parking lot. Finally moving at a regular speed compared to the way the car crawled through the parking lot earlier.

Calum drove very fast, probably going way above the speed limit, "Cal?" You pull off all the way and his hand comes away from your hair.

“Yes, baby?” He asks, turning to look at you before turning back to the road.

"You're going way over the speed limit aren't you?" You look up through your eyelashes.

"The faster you get to your house the faster I’ll get to feel that sweet body of yours on mine, baby girl." He shrugs and smirks. You smile and push your thighs further together at his words. Calum’s hand comes back into your hair and you go back to sucking him off. You feel his grip on your hair tighten, a sign that he is close, “I’m so fucking close.” He groans, “You’re gonna fucking kill us if you continue.”

You popped up for a minute, “Drive safely then.” You leaned back down before you giggled against his cock, the vibrations made him lose it. He finishes in your mouth. You pull up and look at him while swallowing. You carefully put his dick back in his pants for him, leaning back into your seat.

"You're so gonna get it..." You giggle and he pulls up in front of his apartment building. He parked in the spot next to one of his roommates, Ashton. It seems like Ashton is the only roommate here right now since Michael and Luke’s cars are missing.

You hop out of the car and leave your backpack in the car. You meet Calum at the front of the car. His arm wraps around your waist, hand resting loosely on your hip as he guides you up the stairs to your apartment. You get up the stairs and you get to the door and he unlocks the door with his free hand. Calum pushes the door open and you go in first with him following you. You get inside and head down the familiar hall, landing on the very last bedroom. You throw the door open, Calum coming in right after. You get into his room and toss off your shirt and shuck your shoes to the side before he even closes the door. He shuts the door, tosses his shirt to the side, and comes behind you. Calum puts his hands on your hips as his lips find your neck softly peppering around before finding the sweet spot below your ear. As soon as his lips touched that spot, you leaned your head back into his chest with a moan. He sucks on that spot a bit, sure to leave a purple mark behind which made you groan in annoyance. Your hands are busy unbuttoning your skirt, once the skirt is unbuttoned, you peel it off leaving you in a black lace bralette and red lace underwear. You mentally kicked yourself for not wearing a matching set today. His hands and lips detach from your body momentarily as he pulls his shirt off. Calum’s hands returned to your hips and moved around to get your underwear off. His lips moving to the base of your neck, definitely marking you up again.

Calum pulls back to look at you, “What is it with you and always wearing lace?” He eyed you up and down before returning to your neck, not waiting for an answer.

“I like it.” That was all you said between broken moans.

Calum pulls off of you, spinning you around to look you in the eye. You pull his sweats down slowly, you lean in and start kissing his neck. Calum pulls you off and walks you back, your knees hitting the bed before your back hits the mattress. He lies you on your back before he leans back in and begins kissing your neck as he hovers over you. You tangle your hands in his hair, biting your lip to suppress your moans, not wanting to be so loud since Ashton was still there. After a moment you pushed Calum over so that he lied on his back. You swung one leg over his hips so that you were straddling him with your hands resting on his chest.

He bites his lip and looks at you, "God I love this," He puts his hands on your hips, fingers digging into your hips, enough to leave bruises tomorrow. You didn’t understand his need to mark you up every time he touched you and it annoyed the hell out of you but no matter what you said, he would always claim it was an accident. You should’ve stopped to chastise him right then but you were more excited to get onto it. You kiss his lips quickly, then you move down his jaw, neck, and down his chest, to the hem of his boxers. You put your fingers on the edge and stop to look at him, "You are desperate to please today aren’t you?” He teases.

“It’s been too long.” You huffed.

“Well then,” He crosses his hands behind his head, “Don't let me stop you then." Calum shoots you a shit-eating grin.

"I won't," You smile as you begin to pull the hem down slowly, you're interrupted by a knock on the door. The knock startles both of you and you scramble off of Calum. You pull a pillow in front of your chest to hide from the person at the door and sit on your knees as he gets up angrily.

He cracks the door slightly, "What?" He spits through his teeth, you peek around him to see Ashton standing there.

"Dude don't yell at me," Ashton scoffs, "I just came to tell you that coach just called a mandatory meeting tonight so I would get dressed."

"Fuck," Calum turns to look at you, you worldlessly get up, scrambling to get dressed, "Thank you, Ash." Ashton nods before leaving. You pulled your shirt over your head again. Then you wrap your skirt around you, buttoning it quickly.

“This bites.” You groaned as you turned back to see him buttoning his pants. You finished buttoning your skirt. He slipped his t-shirt back on.

You bent over to slide your shoes on as he comes over behind you and puts his hands on your hips, "I’m sorry we got interrupted, I'll call you tonight?”

“Yeah, whatever.” You groaned as you knew that he wouldn’t call and it might be another week before you see him again.

“I’m sorry,” Calum rolls his eyes, “I didn’t think that coach would call a meeting this late.”

“It’s fine,” You huff and try to roll it off, only Calum can tell how irritated you are, “Don’t worry about it.” You turned to walk out only for Calum’s hand to catch yours.

“Actually baby,” He pulls you chest to chest with him, “How about you stay and I’ll make the meeting quick?” He says with his lips ghosting yours, “Or maybe I won’t go at all.”

You leaned forward and locked your lips moving softly, “You should go,” You said as you pulled off, “But I’ll definitely be here when you get back if you can make it quick.” You leaned in kissing his lips again before he pulled away with a smirk on his lips, heading for the door.

[marsbutterfly]

I’ll Stand By You

Note: This is a direct continuation of a previous story called Letters to You. It's also the ending of a trilogy I wrote for Hanji. I'm so happy to finally be able to share it with all of you. I hope you enjoy it and if you feel comfortable, let me know what you think!

Previous Chapter

AO3 Version! | Wattpad Version!

Summary: No matter the amount of research you've done in your life, with Hanji or by yourself, nothing could have ever prepared you for the sight that greeted you.

"What in the world is going on here?"

You look at the destroyed castle ahead of you. Fear runs through your veins as you notice the titans storming the premises.

The sun barely shining from behind the walls, you notice the damage around you is far too great for it to have just started.

By the looks of it, the cadets have been fighting for at least a couple of hours.

"But that's not possible. Titans have never shown any signs that they could walk at night!" You think to yourself as you gently tap the sides of your horse, making it go faster.

You get ready to draw your blades when you lay your eyes on the five teenagers standing on the roof. They are too far away and screaming would be pointless.

Until you notice someone jump off the roof and before you know it, bright lightning comes falling from the sky, much like when Eren transforms.

You decide to slow down for a few minutes while the 3-meter class titan takes down several of its kind before getting its hair pulled, making it hard for It to move. From afar, you hear Krista's voice:

"If you're going to die protecting this tower, forget about it! Tear it down!"

You can feel your heart skip a bit, Maybe I misheard her, you think to yourself. Is it possible that this small, big-headed titan is one of them?

From all your research and theories, you did come across the possibility of other people having the same power as Eren and Annie, but you didn't realize there could be another person in such close proximity to you with this ability.

As the teenagers now rest on the floor, surrounded by all the debris and dead titans, you switch onto your gear preparing to kill the remaining titans.

"Are you guys ok?" You ask, striking the first one. They all smile at you, the relief on their faces is undeniable. That brings a smile to your face.

"Holy shit, I have never been so happy to see you, Y/N!" Connie says before putting his hands on the back of his head, you can see a few tears coming down his cheeks as they run after Christa.

Before you have time to do anything, you see a titan in front of her, about to grab her small body with its hands. As you prepare to kill it, you see a figure fly past you and strike one blow to the titan's nape.

You smile at the black-haired girl standing on top of a pile of rocks.

"Mikasa!"

"We'll take it from here. Come on, Y/N"

You nod at her before taking off, killing at least 3 titans on the way.

.

Once the Scouts ensure that all titans are dead, you use the cloud of smoke to go check on the person who emerged from the now decomposing corpse.

Ymir lost a leg and an arm, not including all of her internal injuries. Christa is already by her side while everyone else seems to take a step further away from her.

You feel two hands grabbing your waist and someone's head resting on your shoulder. A smile appears on your lips once you smell her perfume so close to you.

"I'm so glad you came!" Hanji whispers in your ear, her voice bringing chills up and down your skin.

"Of course I did!" She turns your body around and you take the opportunity to wrap your arms around her neck, giving her a quick kiss. "You asked me to!"

She smiles at you before turning her focus to the injured girl on the floor. Steam is already coming out of her wounds before Hanji even has time to take a closer look.

As you are about to kneel by her side, you pay close attention to Christa's next words.

"My real name is Historia."

The small, blonde girl looks at you right after Ymir closes her eyes once again, you flash her a gentle smile, in a way of telling her everything will be ok before starting to move the taller girl onto the stretcher.

With Hanji and Moblit's help, you finish tying her body up in place, not only trying to prevent her injuries from getting worse, but also to give the other soldiers a sense of security. Some of them seem too scared to even be around her, even if she's not awake.

You watch as her body gets lifted from the floor and makes its way towards the top of the walls.

Before you have time to use your own gear, you feel Hanji's hand wrap around your torso and your feet suddenly aren't touching the floor anymore. You let out a startled scream as she brings you up towards the top of the wall with her own gear.

Once she places you on the floor, you feel your legs shaking slightly.

"A warning would've been nice!!!" Your body falls on the floor as you try to catch your breath, your heart pounding in your chest.

She sits next to you, moving your hair away from your face so she can get a better look at you.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to surprise you." She smiles at you, you try to stay mad at her but the heat rising to your cheeks clearly proves you won't be able to.

You lean closer to her, softly brushing your lips against hers but as you are about to kiss her, you hear Christa's voice calling her name.

"We'll continue this later, I promise." You say and Hanji looks rather disappointed by the interruption but finding out what happened before the Scouts got there is the priority.

You can hear the two of them talking and the blonde girl explains how Ymir took the knife out of Connie's hand and jumped, transforming into a titan in midair.

"Ymir is an ally of humanity!"

A smirk takes over your features, Ymir is not the nicest person you know but, when it comes to the girl she loves, she would do anything to keep her safe.

You look at your favorite girl walking away by Christa's side and you decide to follow closely behind, paying attention to every word they are saying.

"Historia Reiss, as in the Royal Family Reiss?" You say before a few seconds of silence. She only nods and looks at her feet. You touch her right shoulder as Hanji touches her left, and at the same time you both say,

"Nice to meet you, Historia!" Followed by a warm and gentle smile.

.

As you get closer to Ymir's body, Historia runs and kneels by her side. You look at Moblit, who seems a bit surprised to see you, but still pays more attention to the current issue.

"She's still in a coma. She has, however, stopped bleeding and steam continues to come out of her wounds."

The three of you start to walk away, talking about which course of action will be the best but before you get too far, Hanji suddenly stops walking.

"Y/N... we don't know this for sure but we are almost certain that Bertholdt and Reiner are the Colossal and Armored Titans." She says, quietly. In a state of shock and denial, you simply let out a laugh, hoping it was just a sick joke.

"You cannot be serious right now." You take a deep breath. Hanji gets closer and places a hand on your shoulder.

"Have I ever lied to you?"

You look behind you to see Eren and the other two boys talking. You can only understand parts of what they are saying, but as soon as the red flag on the wall is ripped from its pole, everyone goes silent.

All you can hear is Reiner's confession.

"Reiner, are we doing this here? NOW?" You can hear the despair in Bertholdt's voice but also a hint of excitement. You see a silhouette pass by you and slice both boys. Reiner's arm and Bertholdt's throat.

As Mikasa is about to finish the tall, brown-haired boy off, Reiner pushes her off the wall.

You can see bright, yellow lights around them as you run back towards Eren. Armin yells telling him to run away but it's too late.

Everything happens too fast. The lightning strikes both boys and an explosion pushes you all away from them.

Your body gets flung against the boxes containing equipment and as you open your eyes, the Armored Titan and the Colossal Titan stand before you.

Reiner holds Eren in his hand as he goes down the wall and Bert slowly extends his arms grabbing Ymir and one other soldier.

The heat coming from the Colossal Titan plus the pain from your unhealed wounds are enough to turn your vision black before you can even realize it.

.

You wake up a few minutes later, the blue sky finally showing up from behind the dark gray clouds. You let out a grunt as you sit up, looking around you to access the situation.

You see the massive titan still attached to the wall and steam coming out of its body. From the looks of it, he's been sitting in this exact position for at least 20 minutes. You can't see any skin on his face, just his bones.

"Y/N!" Historia's voice enters your ears right before you hear a loud roar coming from the ground. You look at her, waiting for some kind of explanation but she looks just as confused as you.

"Was that the Armored Titan?" You try to stand up but the pain in your head forces you to lay back down. Another grunt leaves your throat as you frown in frustration.

You can hear Historia giggle softly.

"Don't break any more ribs, Y/N." You look at her, your mouth hanging wide open as you start laughing at her statement, but before you have time to go off on her, the wall starts shaking and the Colossal Titan's body starts to detach from the wall, making its way towards the ground.

As his body hits the floor, you can see the intense cloud of steam coming up and multiple soldiers screaming, you can recognize Hanji's voice as one of them.

Your heart skips a beat and you quickly get up on your feet, completely forgetting about your own pain. You see dozens of soldiers being flung in the air and among them, you notice Hanji.

As the hook of her gear detaches from the wall, her body begins to fall and you realize she's unconscious. Somehow finding enough strength, you run towards her, jumping over the bodies of other soldiers who suffered the same fate as her.

You position yourself underneath her falling body just seconds before she hits the floor. In a miraculous matter, you manage to grab Hanji without further injuring yourself or her.

You walk closer to the injured soldiers with her body in your arms, right before placing Hanji down on the spot you were once resting on.

Gently, you place her head above your jacket and remove her glasses to have a better look at her injuries, making sure your touch won't cause her any more pain.

.

Five hours go by and most soldiers are still passed out. The ones with minor injuries start waking up and getting examined by those who weren't caught in the explosion.

Eren and Ymir have been taken away by Bertholdt and Reiner but there is nothing you can do. With the horses on the other side of the wall, waiting is your only option.

"Hannes." You call the blonde man standing by your side.

As you make eye contact with him, you tilt your head towards Eren's best friends. "You should go give them something to eat." While you hand him three rations, he nods and starts walking towards the teenagers.

Mikasa wraps herself with the scarf and for a second you can see tears in her eyes. You let a sigh, feeling bad for not being able to chase after Eren.

"Y/N?" You hear Hanji's voice by your side. You quickly look at her before leaning down her face, trying to get closer to her but not enough to worsen her injuries.

"Are you alright?" You ask.

"I've been better" She lets out a weak laugh, you shake your head and smile at her. Even when she's in pain, Hanji tries to make you smile.

As you start playing with her hair, you hear Commander Erwin's voice coming from behind you.

"I'll be right back." You say as you watch her frown. Once you're standing up, you blow her a kiss as you walk towards the commander.

You quickly salute before he gives you a look and nods. He asks you and Moblit if the situation remains the same but suddenly you feel a hand wrap around your boot.

Looking down, you see Hanji crawling towards the tall, blonde man standing in front of you. As she manages to find the strength, she looks up at the three of you.

"Bring me a map." She says, before collapsing on the floor yet again.

As the newly welcomed squad uses the lifts to switch the horses from one side of the wall to the other, Moblit quickly hands Hanji a map of the area. She stares at it for a few seconds before pointing at one specific spot.

"It might be a long shot, but there's a giant forest here." She says. You can notice how her hands shake slightly and your heart sinks for a moment. "It's not like they can hide the Armored Titan's footprints but I think that's where they are headed."

Someone standing behind you asks why she thinks that, but you can see how it hurts her to talk. The steam from the Colossal Titan probably got into her airways and burned not only the external part of her body but as well as the inside.

"It's a gamble." You say, all eyes now turn to you. Hanji nods gently with a smirk curling up on her lips. "Even if they can still transform, the titans outside the walls are still a threat."

Erwin clears his throat before starting to explain his plan. The soldiers who were badly burned are to stay here and rest but anyone who can ride a horse was to follow him after Eren.

.

You watch as the horses gallop away, leaving behind only dust and the support of their comrades. As you turn around to talk to Moblit, you watch Hanji crawling around and struggling to move.

You arch your right eyebrow as Moblit shrugs his shoulders, both of you try to find out where she's trying to go.

"Hanji?" He asks, tilting his head.

"Get me a horse!" She blurts out before collapsing on the floor again, you notice how she's struggling to breathe so you kneel next to her, gently placing your hand on her back.

"My love, where are you trying to go?" You ask, giving her the gentlest of looks.

"To the village where they captured the titan that couldn't walk." She says, tears forming in her eyes.

You sigh before looking at Moblit and shaking your head, she's in no condition to walk, much less ride a horse.

"Do you mean Ragako?" He asks while a confused look takes over his features. He then proceeds to look up at you, who now stares at him, daggers coming from your eyes.

You shake your head repeatedly, trying to quietly tell him not to indulge her.

"I need to see it... with my own eyes!" Hanji gives you a pleading look, almost as if she's silently begging you for permission. Before you can even reply to her, Moblit speaks again.

"Don't say something so ridiculous!" He blurs out. You widen your eyes at him for this is the first time you've ever seen him speak to her in such a manner. He takes a deep breath and nods. "All right. If you have a hunch then I'll go there on my own."

Before she can argue with him, he sprints towards the edge of the wall. "You just stay here with Y/N and pass out or something!" He says before gathering with other soldiers.

Hanji grunts and her body once again lays against the floor. You look at her, feeling bad for not being able to protect her. In a second, she uses the last ounce of her strength left to lay on her back as she stares at the now bright, blue sky.

You stand up once again, determined to move her closer to another soldier, so they could apply medicine on her burns. She proceeds to look at you as she tries to find an angle where it doesn't hurt to breathe.

In an instant, you lower your body and pick her up in your arms. A loud squirm leaving her throat as she wraps her arms around your neck. Hanji smiles at you brightly before shifting her lips, inviting you for a kiss.

You happily oblige and carefully lower your body once again so your lips can meet hers. It's a quick and gentle kiss but filled with love nevertheless. You take a few steps forward before placing her down again.

The black-haired soldier comes to examine Hanji but as you are about to leave and go check to make sure Moblit was able to leave the wall safely, you feel a hand wrapping around your wrist.

"Don't leave me." Hanji says. You know it took all of her strength to ask you for this small favor. With a warm, bright smile, you sit behind her, crossing your legs and gently placing her head on your lap.

She lets out a satisfied grunt and you laugh gently, trying not to move too much as not to cause her any extra pain.

After a few minutes, the soldier hands you a small container filled with a mix of herbs, recently mushed into a paste.

You silently mouth the words "thank you" at them before changing your focus to the brunette laying on you.

Her eyes are now closed as she rests on your legs. Not wanting to startle her, you touch her shoulders as gently as possible, barely shaking her body.

As she looks at you, her lips curl into a smile.

"I'll rub some medicine on your face, ok?" You whisper into her ear as you stroke her hair. She quietly nods and closes her eyes again.

You dip two of your fingers into the paste before gently rubbing them against her face. Her features suddenly change and you know she's now being painfully reminded of the burns on her face.

Tears stream down your face onto the tip of her nose, the last you want is to inflict more pain on her but the wounds need to be treated.

"I'm so sorry" You repeat over and over again until there's nothing left on the container.

Once she opens her eyes, she fully takes in the sight of you crying over her. She quickly raises her hand, touching your cheek. You nuzzle yourself against her touch, letting out a sad smile.

"It's ok, I'm ok!" She says, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible but right after finishing her sentence, she starts coughing.

You place your hand on the center of her back, carefully helping her stand up. Once she finds enough balance to sit on her own, you hand her a small bottle of water.

As she drinks, you use the back of your hands to dry the tears that roll down your cheeks. Hanji finally puts the bottle down and wraps her arms around your shoulders again.

The smell of her skin mixed with the herb is enough to calm you down.

You bring her body closer to you, paying attention to your movements. As your hands rub up and down her back, she places a soft kiss against your cheeks.

"Thank you for staying." You say, moving her hair so it won't come in contact with the medicine. "I know you wanted to see that titan, but your well-being comes first."

She sighs deeply, clearly annoyed but a smile still on her face. "Yeah, yeah, I know."

"There will be other titans but.." You say, trying to finish your sentence but Hanji rolls her eyes at you.

"But there's only one of me, yeah." You both burst into laughter, simply not being able to hold it in. Suddenly, you hear a voice coming from the body existing next to you.

You shift your head, making eye contact with Sasha.

"God, shut up!" That is all she says before covering her face with her hands, an attempt to stop the sun from hitting her eyes. You make eye contact with Hanji and she simply shrugs her shoulders.

"Maybe we should just give her something to eat." She whispers, trying to avoid yet another burst of anger out of the poor girl. You simply nod, using your right hand to dig through the bag standing by your side.

You place an apple on the floor and roll it away from you, aiming for Sasha's hand.

As soon as the fruit comes to a stop, her eyes go wide and you can almost see her inhale the apple.

Hanji starts laughing once again before resting her chin on your shoulder. Once she stops, both of you just stay in silence until you decide to speak.

"Thank you for the letters." You say with a smile on your face. She looks confused for a few seconds, but once she realizes you are talking about all the notes she has left for you before previous missions, the brightest of smiles appears on her face.

"You are very welcome!" She says, touching your face with her right hand. "I wrote them with so much love!"

"Can you please explain to me how Christa is.... I mean Historia is part of the royal family?"

"OOOOH YEAH!" She screams excitedly. She repositions herself, sitting on top of your thighs as her legs wrap around your back. "Get ready, because this is wild!"

.

"Holy crap." You say, trying to process all the information she just told you.

"I know, right?" Hanji says, putting her hands above her head. "It's insane!"

"Do you think she knows something we don't?" You question while staring at the sky.

"That's what we hope." Hanji says while holding your hand.

You stay in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the fact that you are both alive. Not well, but at least alive.

As you wait for your comrades to return, you let your body go, falling backward onto the floor. You look at the sunset and raise your hand up to the sky.

"What is it, Y/N?" Hanji asks before joining you. A smile appears on your lips before you kiss her forehead.

"Even if things take a different turn now," you say, still looking up at your hand, "I'm just glad I have you here with me to deal with all of this."

"Thank you for coming." She whispers against your cheeks before turning your face with her index finger, making you look at her.

"Of course!" You say before giving her a peck on the lips and the two of you went back to staring at the sky. "I'll always be by your side!"

Even if you don't know where to go from now on, at least you will always have the certainty that Hanji will be there for you. Maybe the two of you should focus on healing before falling headfirst into a new mission.

But just for now.

[syubub]

Yoongi birthday reading/energy check!!

It's sweet sweet tangerine bois birthday!!

I wanted to do a cute little energy check up to see what's up and ask some fun little questions!!

I'm excited so let's just do this shit!!

Disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact!!

---

I want to apologize for the absolute shit pictures but what's new lol

So, let's start with the platform. First thing I noticed was the blue was brighter but the platform was darker? It was like someone cranked up the contrast to 100. Ngl it looked pretty cool. Yoongis platform doesn't typically have a barrier like some of the others do so I just kinda walked in and did the whole, "happy birthday, I have questions" His energy seemed a lot more... vibrant? And playful I guess? It was really nice. Now. The actual connection was intresting because the cord was blue again and like, real thick. (I don't think my perceived thickness of the cord has and real correlation with how strong the connection is. It was just thicc) this time though, the cord was connected at the chest instead of the third eye. So i was like, ??? But my guide didn't give my any sort of helpful input (my guide likes to watch me suffer in my confusion. I'm sure of it)

Anyway, cord like that and then yoobi gave me a headbutt to connect at the third eye. Idk why he gotta be like that :( istg next time he's gonna flick my forehead or something.

I was like "cool cool cool. I want to do the reading now pls" and idk how to explain the energy other than sassy. You know? Blah blah blah I'm thinking, "I don't remember him being so cheeky but maybe I've been gone long enough for him to level up into his final sass monster form"

Anywho, this was intresting because after the little strings were connected and stuff, we plopped down on the floor. And it was like everything I was doing irl was being mimicked infront of yoons energy? So we were sitting facing eachother and I was putting the cards down between us?? Usually that doesn't happen but it was kinda fun!!

Moving right along. I first asked if there was anything he wanted to say or needed to get across and it was 11. Now, 11 has come up before and I'm still not to sure what it's in reference to? My best guess is possibly he's been seeing 11:11 or that it's 2? Idk let me know if you have any clues lol. Other stuff was just kinda banter and stuff.

So so so.

The reading. First thing I asked was how he was doing. And I shuffled his preticular way (when I ask a question I always ask for the energy to tell me how much to shuffle or when to stop. For yoongi it's always 2-2-2. So 2 bridge shuffles, 2 hand shuffles and then split the pile in 2. That's why I think 11 might be 2 to him?)

The cards we got are ace of swords rev, justice,the heirophant rev, the empress.

So based off this I was like okay. I want to pull clarity cards for the two rev cards to get a better picture so I pulled the emperor rev for ace or swords rev and strength rev and wheel of fortune rev for the heirophant rev.

Starting with the ace of swords rev, and the emperor reverse. It seems like yoongi has been re thinking his relationship to control in his life. That's he's possibly noticing any unhealthy needs to control his life and the situation around him. It could also refer to his judgment being clouded by a rigid approach.

With the justice card it makes me think that he's possibly considering a big choice in his life or that he's really doing some deconstructing of his own views. This second idea fits in well with him getting clarity on some possibly unhealthy control issues in his life.

Now. The heirophant rev, strength rev and wheel of fortune reverse. This was intresting to me bc they are all major arcana. The heirophant rev can really talk about no longer needing outside approval and making your own way in your own time bc you are your own teacher. Strength in rev I kinda read as self doubt and feeling down in this case. Like a lack of confidence in himself and his abilities. And the wheel of fortune in reverse I took to mean as his breaking cycles. All together these cards kinda paint a picture about wanting and trying to break a cycle of self doubt and self limiting beliefs and learning more about himself and why he think what he does about himself and searching through everything for truth. It's really good!! In short he's doing some nice soul searching and trusting himself to guide his own way through this self discovery!

The empress! This card seems to pop up for yoobi a lot and I think it really speaks to the abundance that surrounds him! Not just money but the abundance of creativity, love, friends ect.

Now now now. I asked him if there was anything that he wanted to tell us about himself or bts or what's happening in the near future. For that I got 2 of cups, king of wands and 3 of coins.

So the 2 of cups is partnership. Usually romantic. Could be pertaining to the may 13th thing that is ever present lol but I'll get to that later. With the 3 of coins talking about teamwork, this could definitely hint at collaborations coming up!! That's the vibe I get. No one crush my dreams. And for the king of wands it could be talking about taking the reigns on a new project and starting to get it done. Like a new opportunity. This could be a new bts project like starting a new campaign or new venture or maybe personal like the a mixtape or doing more songs for other groups ect.

I had to ask him how he was feeling about the grammys. I had to. Had to. The cards were ace of wands, 2 of wands and death reverse. When these came flying out I could help but smile. Yoongis energy was almost giddy too!

Witht he ace of wands

It's that spark of creativity and inspiration. It's that feeling when you get super excited over some new thing. I think this is the perfect example for feeling reinvigorated. The 2 of wands takes that spark from the ace and tries to funnel that excitement and newness into something directional. Using that burst of creativity to start planning for future progress!! Its so nice to see that! If they don't win (IF) you bet we're gonna get some bangers about a corrupt system. If (WHEN) they do win we'll get bangers about how thankful they are to have gotten where they are in spite of a corrupt system. I just want to hear an uncensored version of yoongi being like, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WE DID IT BITCHES. FUCK ALL YOU BASTARDS THAT SAID WE COULDN'T."

I can dream....

What a nice dream.

Now I asked if there was anything yoobi wanted to say to us as in advice or comfort or anything like that and I got, Clearing negativity, make time for self care, when I'm tuned into the energy of abundance I become abundant. when I'm in a state of appreciation im in vibrational alignment with my true love nature. The world rev, 2 of swords rev and that project, that person, that idea is waiting.

Awe. Take care of yourselves!! Make sure to take time to enjoy what you like and try not to let any negativity get in the way of you enjoying your days. The world rev to me seems to be talking about seeking closure on the things in your life that have been impacting you. Tie up those loose ends so you can move foward without triping over yourself and 2 of swords rev I think talks about information overload and being kinda indecisive bc of that. Take a sep back to evaluate the situation at hand because sometimes it's so close you can't see what you're looking for. Those of you who are studying and getting frustrated because you just can't seem to get it, try taking a step back and doing something to take care of yourself and come back to it so you can approach with a clearer mind. Try not to get stuck or paralyzed by choice but if you do get stuck, take some time to detach yourself from the situation and come back later!

A fair few people wanted an update on yoobis soulmate as well. If you need a refresher here's the run down. Yoongis soulmate is impossible for me to read, yoongi is a smug ass and I'm nosy and probably a little dumb.

Now that that's cleared up

I asked, "am I missing something?" (As to why I can't connect and why yoongi won't give me answers.)

I got queen of cups, magician and the high priestess. I read this as him being like, "yeah dude, you aren't woke enough"

YOONGI just give me answers pls. The high priestess is intuition and sacred knowledge, the magician is manifestation and the queen of cups is also intuition.

At this point I was like, okay you little shit, can you at least tell me how your soulmate is doing? Can you do that for me?

2 of cups, 2 of pentacles, 9 of wands and knight of wands. 2 of cups is partnership usually romantic, 2 of pentacles is priorities and managing them, 9 of wands persistence, knight of wands motivation for a new thing. His soulmate last time was in the process of going through some shit and figuring it out and it seems like now they've got a better clue of how to move foward and are currently heading towards good things/ important things in their life (possibly like working towards dream career or had an idea for a business the want to start or field they want to go in.)

I was thinking about the next question when this popped into my head, "if you know about your akashic book, do you know about your soulmates? Have you read it?" I used my pendulum. No movement at all. What so ever. "Are you listening to me?" Yes. "So answer my question please" No. "Do you like to watch me suffer?" Maybe. "Do you know the answer to the question" yes.

YOONGI WHY

This cheeky son of a bitch.

Now I was like, fuck it. Imma ask him the big boi question.

"Is your soulmate present when I do these readings?" Yes.

WHY THE FUCK CAN I NIT PICK UP ON IT???

I had to take a deep breath dude. Yoobi is testing my nerves.

"Are they hiding their energy?" No.

I was actually gonna combust. This makes no sense.

I asked yoongi if he would tell me what I'm not getting. Silence. So i ask my guide.

"lol ur dumb"

Watch me Google "how to fire your spirit guide"

Istg this feels like some dumb prank. Maybe I'm just genuinely oblivious to his soulmates energy or maybe I'm just doing something.

What do you want to bet that his soulmate is just hiding under the platform and I'm too stupid to notice or some dumb thing like that.

yoobi, sir, why must you do this?

I decided to continue.

"What message or thing have you learned from your soulmate recently that could be valuable to us?" I got healthy communication in relationships and deep replenishment.

Good to know you can have a nice communicative relationship with your soulmate bc I CAN'T.

I'm petty about it, sue me.

The message does stand though. Good communication and taking proper rest to replenish yourself.

Now I had to ask yoongi directly what he thought of may 13th.

I got the lovers, 7 of swords, the magician and judgement. The seven of swords was intresting and it makes me think there's some extra stuff at play here too. 7 of swords is about getting away with something and deceit. The clarifier was the magician.... this could mean a lot honestly. It could be that maybe yoongi will have his relationship exposed or possibly that maybe him and his soulmate meet but yoongi is disguised? Idk how that would work at all but I'm stumped. There's a lot of variations that this could be. The magician is about manifesting and having everything you need to create what you want. This could possibly mean that maybe he gets a sudden idea that's like, "oh I have to go here right now. Its super important" eventhough he has practice scheduled. So that would let down his team but he would be following his path and it might lead to him meeting his soulmate? Maybe vice versa? Idk let me know what you think??

With the judgement its about inner calling and kinda like the peak. Like shit has been leading up to this moment. With the lovers too it does seem like a union?

I asked him, "but like what's gonna happen on the 13th thought and I got the 10 of cups. Divine love, bliss, alignment, happy mushy gushy shit. This is why I'm so inclined to think that they'll meet on the 13th or things will get serious or their paths finally cross. The cards seem to heavily suggest that.

My dude. Yoongi is really sappy, pass it on.

For the last question I asked yoomgi if there was messages/ advice he had given to his soulmate that we might benefit from.

First step, open your third eye, open your heart, sign from heaven, open your arms to receiving.

A lot of opening lol.

It's good advice though learning to be open and receptive and taking that first step in tackling life or any situation.

Oki. Now for the disconnecting. It was not nearly as strange as it has been in the past. I was just like thanks dude. Again, happy birthday blah blah and I got up to leave. I noticed it looked like we were in sitting in one of those old plastic hoola hoops? Like the pink and yellow ones lol. As I was looking at and and like??? Off to the side the numbers 13, 28, 54. Obvi 54 isn't a date and then I the last yoongi check up there was book pages and I feel like 54 and 28 were the pages?? I'm not actually sure as I'm writing this so I'm gonna check.

Yep I checked. They are the page #s.

So that's intresting.

Other than that though I just kinda left and he was like, "bye" and that's all.

Not as cool as other yoongi adventures but equally as frustrating.

TLDR

Yoongis doing pretty okay and he's a cheeky little shit. My guide like to watch me suffer and yoobi is mushy gushy squishy.

Happy day of birth Syub!!

[jaeminscoffee]

Nemesis (m.)

Nemesis- a formidable rival or opponent.

Pairing- Seo Johnny x reader

Genre- Smut.

Word count- 3.68k (these just keep getting longer)

Warnings- rough sex (is it a Lyra smut if this isn't included), edging, thigh riding, oral (m receiving), size kink, masochism, unprotected sex, begging, Johnny is cocky af. Could be more but i have no clue pfft.

Summary- From your local club, you find yourself in Johnny's bed

You hated Johnny. No, let's rephrase that. 

You hated Johnny's guts. Having him around always made you the second spotlight of the performance. Doesn't matter where, wherever Johnny goes, people swoon over him like a bunch of wasps. Granted, He's got everything a girl could ask for. Looks, attitude, sweet talks, money, body, you name it. 

You had them all too, but Johnny's popularity made you the centre of attention, that is, after him. 

You would've been fine with that if it weren't for his tauntings. He's inevitable. He's everywhere you go. 

You, till date don't know what the universe has against you, but the pair of you got accepted into the same university, the same company, even the same branch. There too, you're the second, Johnny's the ace. 

So having had to hear 'Johnny this' 'Johnny that' 'oh look Johnny's this' had you fuming by the weekend. And here, you've found yourself in the club, two of your girlfriends beside you, trying to calm your about to erupt veins. 

You felt a little free here, maybe even conceited. No Johnny, you had the spotlight. Oh and you knew it. You'd specially picked out your best club outfit, low cut v-neck, the black fabric barely reaching down your ass, tight fitting, highlighting all of your best features. 

Eyes followed every single move of your body as you vibe on the dance floor, letting loose of all previous tension. With your friends beside you, rooting for you, it was perfect. 

It was only after you'd worn yourselves out, you walk towards the bar, each sitting on one of the bar stools, ordering a drink, you hear your friend's fangirl over some guy or girl, could be any them. You down shots after shots, not paying attention to your surroundings feeling way better than you'd felt the entire week. 

"Yo, he just winked in our direction" Stella said from beside you, continuously hitting your arm as you slightly shove her to the side, "One of us is gonna get some action today and i hope it's Y/n" Lola exclaimed, wriggling her eyebrows at you. 

You give her disgusted glare, chuckling as she kept going with her eyebrows. 

"Eesh" you rasp out, feeling the alcohol start to burn your throat. "Why would you even want that" you inquire, Lola turned towards you dramatically, placing her hand on your shoulder, "Because, you look like a sad hot mess, darling. That can't do" she stated, "Agreed" Stella remarked, eyes still undressing the guy she previously mentioned, maybe even the other guys in the room.

"What? No? I look fine?" you say, more like questioning yourself. "you look fine as fuck and sad. So stop wasting yourself here and go get some" Lola retorted, patting your back and then mixing herself up with the crowd. 

"Yeah you see Y/n? I think this guy's absolutely perfect for you" Stella said, once the both of you stood up to go up to the dance floor again. "Which one?" you ask, eyeing the entire place quick, not actually caring. 

She smiled sweetly at you, turning you around, and pushing you with all the force she could muster up. 

"What the fuck-" you exclaim, feeling your body collide with someone. "-That one, babe, have fun!" she said in a singsong voice, joining Lola. 

"I'm sorry-" you look up to the body you just crashed with, feeling yourself turn solid from spite. Why does he appear every fucking where?

"Johnny." you sneered, pulling yourself out of his grip, dusting invisible lint from your dress. The lad in front of you did nothing but smirk, taking your hand in his and bringing it up to his lips, placing a soft kiss there, taking you off guard. "Y/n." he responded. 

As much as you hated him, you felt yourself drowning in his honey eyes, the party lights in the club making him look ethereal, pulling you out of your facade for a second, before you step out of it, glaring at him again. "Here alone?" he inquired. 

"None of your business" you said, comically as he'd have clearly seen you with two other girls. 

"I see, What got you here?" he further asked. 

"None of your fucking business." you hiss. Johnny let out an airy chuckle, "Aren't you in a bad mood" he asked. "Does that have anything to do with you" you ask through gritted teeth. 

"Practically, no. But I need to make sure if my runners-up is doing fine or not" he said, double tapping your cheeks with his palm. You felt the coldness you previously had melt down, replacing it with nothing more than pure hatred and annoyance. 

"Fuck you, Seo." you reply in a tight voice. "Oh, she's getting annoyed, isn't she?" he said, voice teasing clearly trying to get up your nerves. 

"No." you retort, turning back wanting nothing but to leave the room in order to not breathe the same air as Johnny. "Really, doll?" Johnny asked, bending down to look at you straight in the eye. It felt intriguing, you were drawn to his gaze, trying to break out but to no avail. You look away, clearing your throat, looking back at him. "Yes." you say. Johnny walked closer, "Say.. Does my presence annoy you?" he inquired, obviously knowing the answer, "Yes.." You said, lowly due to the proximity. 

"Then why aren't you walking away?" he asked, you let out a sigh, knowing even if you want to walk away, your friends won't take that well. "Because I can't," you reply, gesturing at your two friends standing still, watching your exchange of words. He looked at them, then back at you with a smirk on his face. 

"I see. That's good. Because I've been dying to tell you this one thing" he moved closer, pushing your hair back, pulling you close by the waist, leaning into your ears, 

"I've got this strong urge to rip that dress and fuck your attitude out of you." 

-x-

That's how after a 10 minute ride, you find yourself, flat against Johnny's wall, hands on either side of your face as the lad didn't fail to explore even one corner of your mouth. 

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, he looked extremely appealing. That sentence he'd spoken had gotten you all weak in the knees, palms flat against his chest, as you immediately pressed your lips against his at the club. 

This was another thing you hated about him. He's just so fucking fine not even incubus or other sex gods could say no to anything he says. 

You try breaking away from his grip on your hands, wanting desperately to touch him, feel him. 

"Stop squirming." he said sternly, breaking the intense kiss having a string of saliva connect the lips still. His eyes roaming all over your body, technically eye fucking you. 

"Then let me fucking go" you roared, chest heaving from the previous make out, breathing in the air containing his manly musk. Johnny's head made his way towards the side of your face, nuzzling on the flesh before retorting to your earlobe, nibbling on it, you hear him hum. "Hm, why should i do that, doll?" his voice deep. 

"Do you need a fucking reason to let me go?" you ask, rubbing your thighs together, his height making you feel extremely small, turning you on incredibly. 

"If you want the dick better watch your attitude baby, i don't like brats." he replied, biting down on the skin of your neck, making you hiss slightly. 

"Does it seem like i care-ah!" you yelp, feeling yourself get lifted off the floor, you look at him. 

"Behave." he said slow, having the freedom of moving your hands now you immediately pulled his head closer to yours, locking his lips with yours, biting down on his bottom lips. 

He broke away first. Looking at you with nothing but shock and lust. 

"I get what i want, Seo. You don't tell me to behave" you remark, a smirk evident on your face. You hear him let out a chuckle as you felt yourself being thrown down onto the bed. "Not with me baby, you behave, you get what you want. Act like a fucking brat i won't hesitate to put you in your place." his eyes had gone dark, voice dangerously low. 

Johnny made his way towards the bed, shirt already disposed along with his black denim jacket, he eyed your spread our body, admiring each and every curve as you gawk at his toned middle, chest chiselled adding onto why Johnny Seo is oh so perfect. The anger you felt, turning into pure lust, desire of wanting nothing more than for him to ruin you. 

"Behave you say, well you're in for a long ride, Seo. I don't like behaving" you taunt, sending a wink in his direction, moving back the bed as he crawled forward towards you. 

His demeanor was intimidating as he stared down at you with his cold eyes catching your ankle stopping you from crawling further up.

"I shouldn't even give you anything with that attitude of yours, baby." he said, pulling his body over yours, placing hands on either sides of your face, weighing his body down in order to not crush your bones.

"You're saying that cause you know you can't satisfy my needs. Poor baby boy," you feign empathy, running the back of your fingers down his face slowly, feeling his jaws clench.

With one pull, he had himself seated towards the edge of the bed, with you on the floor in front of him, seated between his legs, looking down at the floor as you try calming yourself from the sudden movement.

You felt hands grip your hair, pulling it back, forcing you to look up into his eyes. They were now void of any emotion. It scared you the slightest, but you didn't show it.

"When i said behave. You should've fucking listened, brat." he said, voice dripping venom, making your clench your thighs together, the feeling of vulnerability and how small you felt, made you needier than intended. 

His grip on your hair wasn't soft, your roots felt like they'd detach any second, but you enjoyed every second of the pain. 

You open your mouth to make another cocky retort, when the force of the tug intensified. "Better shut your little mouth and put it for another use." he said, pulling you in closer, his pants discarded behind you as the red angry shaft his toned stomach, the red tip dripping precum making your mouth water, the knot in your lower abdomen tightening.

He looked at you with a demanding look, eyes narrowed as you look up at him, eyes basically begging. 

"Suck." is all it took, and you pounce at his member, earning a throaty groan from Johnny. You start at the tip, licking the slit, clearing of all the white substance there, then slowly wrapping your lips around the head, sucking in gently, wanting to tease him as much as possible. 

Johnny rested both his hands on your head, pulling the hair back in a makeshift ponytail, trying to push your head further down.

"Stop teasing or you'll j-just make it worse for yourse-fuck.." he couldn't complete his sentence as you lower down completely, almost till the base, before pulling away feeling the head hit the back of your throat, activating your gag reflex. 

Not letting you pull away fully, he pushed you back down, mouth open ajar, hitting your throat again, resulting in tears forming in your eyes. 

You bop your head up and down, "That's right baby, uh-" he inhaled sharply as you hollow your cheeks, sucking in too hard. 

You kept moving your head up and down, Johnny setting the pace with his hands still on your hair. You feel your jaws starting to hurt, neck starting to cramp a bit so you move your head faster, desperate to get him to his orgasm. But he had other plans. 

You reach out between his thighs, still sucking and licking on the shaft, hands palming his palms, causing him to jerk his hips forward. 

"Fuck Y/n stop" he tapped your cheeks as he felt his high approaching, but you didn't stop, rather you started bopping your heas faster, with more aggression.

"Ah! s-stop" he said, growing sensitive having his orgasm just by the doorstep. 

Seconds before reaching his high, he tore you away from his dick with a sharp pull, causing you to hiss in pain, and whine in desperation of wanting to taste him. 

You sat there still, wiping your mouth as drool had managed to escape amidst the blowjob while Johnny sat by the bed, looking at the floor trying to catch his breath. 

Once calm and normal, he looked up at you, eyes burning with anger and lust. 

He got up from the bed, while you stayed seated on the floor, making his way towards you with slow, agonizing steps.

"When i say stop.." he took a step forward, the anger in his eyes scaring you completely, making you crawl back. 

"You stop." he took another step forward, you moving backwards. 

"Then tell me. Why didn't you." he bellowed.

You stop your chest from heaving that fast, as he keeps moving forward, you soon find your back hit the wall, nowhere else to escape. 

"Because i didn't want to" you rasp out. 

Johnny took one large step forward, bending down, wrapping his fingers around your throat, standing up, pulling you by your neck, causing you to stand up along with him. 

"You are such a fucking brat.." he rasped out through grit teeth, jaw tense. 

He tightened the grip, moving closer as his figure towered yours, "You look so small, yet you have that attitude. Fucking respectable" he roared pulling you along and throwing you onto the bed the second time. You let out the breath you didn't know you holding in, eyes shut tight, opening once you regained the oxygen he'd cut off a few seconds away. 

Johnny moved up to you, pulling your body towards the edge, ripping your dress off your body, the material of your panties being ripped into two too, as you moan silently at his sudden aggression.

"You're so fucking wet, just like a good little slut. But nope she has to have a fucking attitude" he said, shoving two fingers straight into your core without a warning, causing you to scream. Your juices splattered around from the movement of his fingers, squelching noises produced by how wet you are as Johnny showed no signs in slowing down. 

"John oh!" you moan out. 

His fingers were knuckle deep inside you, curling and pumping in again, brushing the soft spot. You jerk forward, hips moving along his fingers as he pressed the pad of his thumb onto your clit, driving you closer towards the edge. "Mm fuck.. " your voice small, feeling yourself clench around his fingers at the thought of being completely in his mercy. And oh is he merciless. 

"Oh? You seem close, right, pretty doll?" he questioned. You were unable to answer as his fingers moved faster and faster, not able to form a comprehend able sentence only letting out lewd noises. 

His free hand came flat down on your clit, causing you to jerk forward, "Fucking answer me." he resumed playing with your clit. Your knuckles turned white from how hard you were gripping the sheets. "y-yes, i..oh fuck.. I am!" your face contort out of pleasure, feeling the orgasm just two steps away, immediately fading away as Johnny removed his fingers from in you. 

"Come on!" you cry out, feeling your high go further and further away. 

"Hm? What happened baby?" he said, face portraying fake sympathy. 

"Johnny, I was so close!" you let out a sob, unknown to the fact that tears had started falling. You hear him let out laugh, "Yeah you made that clear, didn't know your pussy that strong" he replied, removing the last piece of clothing article from your body, both of your bodies covered in sweat, glistening the light reflecting from the window. 

"Johnny.. Please" you desperately try voicing out, wanting nothing more than a release. "oh she can beg! Pleasant surprise" he marveled. "Say, will you behave?" he asked, eyes narrowed looking at you as you let out a chain of sobs. 

"No if you can't make me fucking cum-" you scream out before being able to complete the sentence, his fingers shoved back into you. 

You were sensitive, shitless, your walls hurt and your orgasm denial was still fresh. "So being treated as a slut it is." he grunted, moving his fingers in an inhumanly pace, his other hand over your waist, holding you down flat onto the sheets as you grip that hand in a tight hold. 

"Oh fuck.." your breathing fastened, feeling the previous orgasm come back to life. 

"you look so fucking good, so small, so desperate for me" Johnny added pressure back onto your clit, rubbing fast circles. 

"Ah!" you yelp when you feel him add a third fingering, curling and twisting inside of you, as you feel yourself reaching your high. You let a cry, orgasm almost there, but one last shove and he removed his finger, leaving your core desperate and pulsating. 

"Johnny please!" you cry out louder, tears pouring down your cheeks faster as you grip onto his hands. He looked at you with a smirk on his face. 

"Want to cum?" he asked, shoving his fingers into his mouth, licking your juices off of it. 

"Yes! Oh yes please!" you reply, nodding your head frantically. 

Johnny acted as though he was thinking for a while, "Well.." he started. 

"You gotta work for it babe" he placed a kiss on the inside of your thigh. "So. Be a good little girl and beg for my dick." he said, seeing you all fucked up, hair all over the place, lipstick smudge, tears running down your face and so small, vulnerable yet you looked gorgeous. 

Now you see, all the rationality you'd previously had was all thrown out the window. You wanted the release. You needed that release. 

"Please, please fuck me Johnny, i promise I'll be a good girl! Just.. Please put your dick inside me, I swear I feel good!" you cry out, spreading your legs further open, as he sees your core glistening. Johnny let out a low growl, wasting not a second, holding you by your hip as you aligned himself by your entrance, the tip poking in. 

He looked at you, seeing you stare back at him, and kept his eyes on you as he pushed in all the way, watching your face contort out of pleasure and maybe the slightest mix of pain. 

"You're fucking right, princess-" he started, pulling his member out completely, before shoving it in, you scream, extremely sensitive but nothing you couldn't take.

"You feel extremely good. So fucking tight" his pace was fast, hips steady, no signs of it going sloppy anytime soon. Your orgasm was fast approaching, the build up begging you for it to be released, he pushed in further, leaning down and capturing your lips in a slow kiss in contrast to the pace of his hips. 

"Joh-n.. I'm g-gonna.. fuck!" you couldn't complete the sentence yet the message was delivered. "Let go baby, it's fine" he said, going faster, rubbing circles onto your clit to encourage your orgasm. 

You cum with a loud moan, clenching around him, trying to shut your legs close from the intensity of the orgasm, but his legs in between stopped you from doing that. 

Johnny slowed down for a movement to help you calm a bit but not stopping completely. Growing impatient as you take your own sweet time to calm down, he gripped your thigh from the bottom, lifting it up to let your leg dangle off his shoulder.

He started fast again, your clenching pulling him closer and closer towards the edge.

You pant heavily, "Johnny i can't.." sensitive from all the edging and the high that not even a second ago. Causing a faint pain in your core, getting you all worked up ready for your second orgasm again. 

Oh how you were a sucker for pain. 

"Yes you can. And you will" he said, going deeper, slowed to feel each and every inch of your inside, feeling you clench around him again. 

"Shit.." Johnny rasped out, feeling his high approaching from your constant pressure on his member.

He went faster, the only sounds in the room being those inhuman sounds coming from both of you, skin slapping and the sound of your wet core being pounded at. 

"Johnny!" your voice wobbly from all the cries and moans, clenching around him faster wanting him to cum faster and get this over with. 

"Fuck baby, scream my name again, I'm so, so close" his voice cracked, hips stuttering, but shoved into you powerfully once again. 

"Johnny, ah!" your feeble voice screaming, your small cunt taking him this well, and your constant clenching pulled his last string. 

You felt him twitch inside of you, then seconds later his seeds coated the walls of your core, driving you to your second orgasm, as Johnny rode the two of you out of your high with his deep voice letting out gasps and groans. 

Johnny flopped down beside you panting from the action, the room smelled of sex. 

After a while of quietness filling the air, Johnny broke it first. 

"Well that was.. Something" his voice was more raspy than ever, as you gulp down the dryness from your throat. 

"Yeah.." you reply tiredly.

"Want to go for a second round and see who lasts longer this time?" Johnny let out jokingly with no actual intention of doing so. 

You turn to your side with a little bit of struggling, wrapping your hands around his torso as you pull your body closer to his.

"Just shut the fuck up and cuddle me"