#no thank yooouuu

[hearts401]

"Fairy" this "Walrus" that okay but a fairy would not scare the shit out of me. Have you seen a walrus. They are horrifying.

[the-party-never-dies]

I wanna say I'm sad we didn't get to see more kids who were children of Greek gods but honestly we do NOT need Zeus in monster high

[sluckythewizard]

Keep calm, and drink soda

[CW for blood and gore and vomit] takes place a day or two after emizel was sired. just two boys adjusting to a shift in their daily norms. would YOU drink your homies blood? still not used to writing fanfic so any and all advice IS appreciated. i hope u enjoy.

There were very few things that Soda enjoyed more than well, drinking soda. It was a hobby, an interest, a comfort. And by extension there were very few errands that Soda would look forward to more than the occasional soda run.

The gas station closest to the Demons hideout had stopped selling Faygo entirely about a month or two ago, and it was near impossible to find it anywhere else. The closest place was now this janky little Shell gas station, lovingly titled the Shady Shell, that thankfully sold more flavors than any of the other ones ever did.

It made the hour and a half walk here entirely worth it. Even if this side of town made his skin crawl. Normally he would ask someone to accompany him on this daring little quest, but everyone at the hide out tonight just seemed too tired, too preoccupied, too uninterested.

He knew not everyone really got the soda thing, but they were accepting of it for the most part. Soda is something that, clearly, Soda really loves, but he knew not everyone else was into it.

Which was fine, of course. They didn't need to get it. But, still, sometimes Soda found himself wondering how much of it was a bit, and how much was him.

Emizel gets it perfectly though. He would've been the first person Soda would ask to go on this soda run with him, but, well. He's been preoccupied too, with the whole vampire thing.

It's been a bit more than a day since Soda had last seen his close comrade. For a friend that he saw just about everyday, going without him this long left him feeling a little emptier.

That was fine, though. Emizel had shit he was working out, he had things he needed to do. It's not like he could go out in the day anymore, so of course Soda wouldn't be seeing him at all the usual times.

It was a lot of weird and heavy magical stuff, it made Soda think about those superhero shows. Where the hero needs to keep his identity hidden from everyone. Family especially. He knows how much of a piece of shit Emizels dad is, so he hoped that Emizels home life wasn't stirred up all stupid-like over this.

He hasn't told anyone else, about what happened that night. For the last 2 days, Soda would spend time with close friends and not let them know a thing about what happened to Emizel so, so recently. Why he's so suddenly absent, so distant, so.. off…

'Maybe his dad's just giving him a hard time', he would say, hoping to smother their questions. The less questions they ask, the better. At least until this vampire stuff gets figured out a bit more. Should Emizel wear a disguise when he goes out at night now? Just like a superhero? What kind of hero outfit would Emizel have anyways? Soda figured it would be something really cool.

If anyone could figure out a way to balance all this vampire stuff, and all the leaderly responsibilities that come with being the biggest dog in the Demons, it was Emizel for sure. That guy is so seriously cool.

He was sure this rough patch would even out, and they would weather the next rough patch together no problem. There was really nothing to worry about! All Soda has to do is stay positive, and well, drink soda.

As Soda walks quietly down the crumbling sidewalks of this dreary hive of strip malls and shops, he goes to pull his backpack around to his chest, fumbling with the zipper in the dark. Which was a little annoying, considering the tab of his zipper had fallen off forever ago. He really needed to get around to fixing this damn thing. Maybe another ziptie and a soda tab will do the trick.

Humid air hangs heavy in the night, the sidewalks still somewhat warm after a hotter day. The diesel-soaked air provided enough warmth on its own that Soda had considered taking his jacket off a few times, only for the occasional, annoyingly sharp and chilly breeze to brush by, reminding him to keep the thing on.

Tripping only once and only slightly on an uneven sidewalk, Soda manages to pull a bottle of Faygo from his backpack, a smile glowing on his face. Another short fight with the zipper seals up the bag, and he slings it over his shoulder again.

His flavor of choice tonight was actually the Red Pop, the tried and true, the absolute classic, one of the best Faygo flavors for sure.

But, this kind wasn't actually his favorite. Normally he would stock up on the cotton candy ones, but something about the last few days had him craving the red stuff.

Securing his backpack all the way, he goes to crack open the bottle. Just the clack and the hisssss of the fizzy drink were enough to lift his mood.

Not that his mood needed lifting or anything. Of course. Sure he missed his friend and sure he found himself wondering what he’s doing and where he is and if he's okay. Maybe sometimes he found himself wishing they talked about funeral plans more.

Emizel talked up all sorts of crazy funeral ideas for himself, usually involving the use of his dead body as an inconvenience for others. Outlandish and hilarious ideas, like filling it with explosives and tossing it into a busy road. But what would he want seriously? What would Soda ever do if he just stopped showing up one day?

He had to swallow down all these unnecessary anxieties, so he took a swig of his soda. Sweet, bubbly, comforting. He felt better already! Just stay positive, and drink soda..

It was a lovely night out, and he didn't come all this way planning on letting it go to waste. There was a place he was heading towards, a particular alleyway in this particular place that led off to a particularly tall concrete ledge.

 It was a run-down little space, littered with trash and shitty trees and those bushes with just too many goddamn ants in them. But the view was fairly nice, overlooking a massive deformed intersection. A particularly stupid one, at that; about 3 times a week you could witness a gnarly crash at this spot. Soda always heard people saying that LA folks can't drive, but he was just starting to figure that maybe no one can drive.

That was the place he really wanted to go to enjoy this soda, and he wasn't too far off from it. Just a few more blocks, and he would be there.

Oh wait, didn't he still have a bag of chips in this backpack somewhere? Hell yeah, he couldn't wait to sit down and relax with a good soda, a good snack, and a good view of the night.

Living as a Demon had its fair share of stresses. He felt lucky to have this life, but he knew well that it could be better. That not everyone has to worry about survival the way they do. That not everyone gets injured on the regular and not everyone has to worry about being sick and never getting better.

Living is hard. But it's finding the small moments of joy that make it all worth it. Dying would be scarier anyway. He didn't want to die, and he felt glad to feel so confident in that nowadays.

The sudden   THUNK  of something slamming into the ground just a block away from him, jolts him out of his thoughts, all his gears screeching to a halt as he freezes in place. What the fuck was that?

It looked like a person, laying flat on the ground with only their head and shoulders peeking out of the alleyway ahead. Fuck. He hated this side of town..

Anxiety churns in his stomach as he debates just turning around, but the way the victim reaches an arm out, attempting to crawl away; it made his heart ache aswell. he's no goddamn fighter, but he couldn't just leave someone like th-

The body is suddenly yanked back into the alley, snatched at a startling speed. It didn't feel exactly real, how could something vanish so fast? It reminded Soda of something from a horror movie, or whatever. What the fuck was that??

His foot takes a step forward, before the rest of his body notices its rebellion and locks down again. Was he seriously going to investigate that? He could just walk away and take another alley. But that was the one he was supposed to turn down! All the other alleys are either walled off or gated off and he wasn't about to go climbing over a damn wire gate. His soda would get too shaken up! Fuck!

Another foot goes in for another step forward. He's gotta get the fuck out of here. He could hear more commotion in the alleyway, a scuffle, a skirmish. He could hear someone cursing through a choked breath. A loud and nauseating crack echoes out from the alley, and yet, Soda takes another step forward.

This was stupid, he shouldn't be getting tangled up in someone else's business. What if something happened to all this soda?

Thankfully, it was that thought that actually got him to pause, and take in a deep breath. It wasn't worth it, maybe he should head straight home.

Atleast, that was the thought his heart and mind were about to agree on, until a particularly familiar grroowwwwlll bleeds out from the alley.

Emizel?

All reason immediately evaporates as Soda makes that connection in his head, stepping right up to the corner of the brick walls, and peering around to investigate.

There was a body on the floor, face down in a puddle of red, head split open in a way that reminded Soda of a smashed watermelon.

But standing over that body, was the familiar, blackened coat, and short blonde hair, of Sodas closest comrade, Emizel.

Despite the carnage on the floor, Soda couldn't help the smile that lights up his face. That was Emizel! That was his boy!

But before he could get over just how happy he felt to see his best friend, something else caught his eye. Movement, behind the dumpster closest to the vampire boy. A person, rising out from the shadows with a glinting baseball bat clutched fiercely in their hands.

"Oh fuck, look out!" Soda speaks up, and Emizels gaze immediately clicks over to him, silencing Soda with just that startlingly red stare.

He had forgotten just how uneasy those red eyes made him..

The attacker, silent and professional, rushes up behind Emizel and CRACKS the metal bat downwards onto his blonde head, the sound ringing out like a  gun shot  in that dark little alleyway.

Soda cringes from just the sound of the impact, but was amazed to find that the bat had warped under the force of it!

The attacker hardly had a chance to process his mangled weapon before Emizel whips around to retaliate.

It looked like he had just swung his hand at his opponent, so the way a shower of red spills outward from the slash, catches Soda completely off guard. The monster boy had cleaved an excruciatingly massive gash up from the attackers right hip, to his left shoulder, the slice spewing with scarlet.

 It wasn't until Emizel had pulled back his arm, that Soda could process the way it had darkened with more than just blood, distorted into an odd, spear-like shape.

The victim hardly had a chance to yelp before that blade swoops up into his chest at the speed of a snapping bear trap, plunging through meat and bone with disturbing ease, and forcing blood and viscera to erupt outwards. The red patters down onto the concrete behind, the sound similar to rain...

With another low, inhuman snarl, Emizel brings the twitching, dying body closer, until that signature squish of teeth sinking into fresh meat bleeds outward into the space.

What a disgusting sound, Sodas first instinct was to simply avert his eyes, but as the sound persists, he resolves that he has to do something.

He finally steps out into the alley, and speaks.

"Hey ma-"

He could hardly get two words out before Emizel suddenly rips its teeth away from its victims throat, tearing out a hefty chunk of jellied meat, and slamming the remaining fodder onto the concrete floor.

It immediately whips around to stare down Soda, red eyes glowing with reflected light, and with hardly a chance to process the moment-

-It's immediately right infront of Soda.

A gasp lurches from Soda's lungs as he almost stumbles back in shock. How was Emizel so fucking fast?

Other than that single step back, Soda was frozen in shock, his tongue buzzing with the physical pain of such a startling jolt. 'White boy jumpscare' is something that came to mind, but while usually such a thought would evoke some sort of laugh from Soda, this time it offered no such comfort. Okay maybe it did a little.

Emizels snarling face was only inches away from Sodas. Its eyes were wild and unnatural, teeth menacingly sharp and reddened with so much fucking blood. It was everywhere, coating most of his face, smothering his shirt and his coat, and absolutely choking the air with its thick, metallic stench.

Soda would gag if he felt he was safe to even move. He felt like he was locking eyes with that of a creature, something he would only ever see in his nightmares or in scary movies. But it was real. Those monsters are real. And his best friend is one of those monsters. His bestest friend in the world...

His mind was skewered on that unnatural glare, completely frozen with anxiety. Stalling too hard to come to a proper conclusion, Soda instead falls back onto what Soda does best.

"H-hey man... You want some soda?"

He very gently presses the opened bottle of Faygo into Emizels chest.

The two boys stand there for a moment, locked in a tense, silent pause, before the monster boy finally peels its gaze down to the bottle.

It's quiet, for a few seconds, the gears turning in its head. Until the monster blinks, and its eyes clear, and Emizel processes the sight of the bottle.

"Oh, fuck yeah dude, is that the Candy Apple Faygo? Man, that stuffs my favorite!" Emizel smiles as he goes to accept the bottle, and immediately takes a massive swig.

Soda tries to disregard the way his hands were still shaking. "Uh, n-nah man, its just Red Po-"

The words are bit off as Emizel suddenly retches, a heavy flood of red blood and red Faygo spewing out onto Soda, as the vampire boys body entirely rejects the fizzy drink.

The shock of getting fucking projectile vomited on had snapped Soda out of whatever daze he was just in, and it seemed to snap Emizel out of it too. Soda backs up with a groan, looking down at all the blood and bile and pop on his shirt and coat.

"Ohhh fuck dude, what the hell??" He cringes, not even wanting to try smearing any of it off with his hand.

Emizel was coughing, still holding out the Faygo bottle, but hunched over as his body dared to convulse again.

"Ohhhhhh fuck, ohhooohhh fuuuuucckkk" he grumbles towards the floor "Fuuuck I’m sorry dude, I don't know what fuckin- oohhhgg shit,” He coughs and groans,  offering the bottle back to Soda.

Soda was still staring at his messied coat with a displeased grimace, but looking up to meet Emizels eyes...

There was a guilt on Emizels face that Soda didn't see too often, and it helped wash away that irritation he felt. This sucked, but Emizel was probably going through a lot more. 

“It’s, uhm.. don't, don't worry about it, man..” Soda decides to reassure him, offering a sympathetic smile, and a hand on Emizels shoulder, as his comrade spits out the remaining blood and bile.

"Fuckin hell… I’m uh, I'm sorry about your shirt, man."

"What? Nahh it's okay man, don’t worry about it." Soda shrugs, taking the Faygo bottle back. "I mean, are you okay man? That uh.. looked like a pretty crazy fight."

Emizel was rubbing his eyes, smearing more blood across his face as he seems to be collecting himself. he spares a glance back at the carnage behind him.  

"Ah.. yeah.. I thought I uh.. I thought I saw that one fucker from uh. That one night. Yknow, the one that uh.." He snaps his fingers, as if trying to summon back the memory. "Vampire bitch... Anyway after that I just kind of, uh.."

He seems to space out again as he looks around. It was as if he was just woken up from a deep sleep, like he was certain he had just known what he was doing, but found the dream escaping him. "I guess I just.. went crazy on these guys. I dunno, they're Fangs anyways." he finally shrugs it all off, but Soda still felt unsatisfied by the answer.

"Oh.. huh…” is the only response he manages to scrounge together. Sure they were Fangs, but did they really deserve.. all that? It just seemed a bit brutal, even by Emizels standards.

He found his eyes wandering over to the split-open head. It was mostly red and bloody, but even in the dark, he could still make out some of the finer details of the gray jelly seeping from the gash. A human brain. He wondered if his own brain looked the same on the inside..

“So what are you doing out here, man?” Emizels question helps Soda pull his eyes away from the gore, instead looking over to his bloodied comrade.

Emizel looked messy and even exhausted, but his drowsy gaze was focused on Soda with a worried expression. 

“Oh, uh, yknow, just a soda run. Decided I would stock up on some Faygo from the Shady Shell.” Soda shrugs, his eyes flickering down to the opened Faygo in his hand. The top was covered in regurgitated blood. unnaturally blackened blood…

“Are you.. okay, by the way? Other than the whole..” Soda gestures vaguely at the gruesome crime scene. “Are you hurt?”

The question has Emizel pausing to consider. He straightens his back and stretches his arms, as if trying to detect any pain from any possible injury. Nothing seemed to be bothering him though, and after a second, he decides to shrug.

“Nah, I'm all good.”

“Oh.. That's good, I uh…” Soda found himself looking over Emizel aswell, searching for any wounds the monster boy might be simply disregarding, as he often does.

There was a fairly gnarly gash on his shin..

“Hey uh, I was actually gonna go hang out by the ledge down that way. Yknow, the one with the funny intersection.” Soda says, gesturing off towards where he intended to go. “Wanna come with?”

Emizel looks back that way, before turning back to Soda with a big smile on his face. 

“Oh hell yeah I do! I love the funny intersection!” he starts to walk down the alley, about to step over the body of the broken skull, when Soda speaks up.

“Uh, hey, shouldn't we uh.. Do something about the.. uh..” He waves a hand over towards the bodies, trying not to look directly at them. 

Emizel spares the corpses an inconvenienced glance, and a sigh, but ultimately shrugs them off. “Ehhh I'll just dump 'em in a dumpster again.. That's what I've been doing anyway.”

“And you're not worried about, like, anyone finding them?”

Soda anxiously watches on as Emizel paces around the body with the torn-out throat, licking the blood from his own mouth. Was his tongue always that long and pointed? That's neat, and normally Soda would point it out, but he was a bit.. preoccupied right now 

“Nahh not really. I haven't had anyone bother me at least.. Anyone been bothering you?” Emizels eyes finally flick back over to Soda. 

“Nah, I'd say things are actually more lax than usual. Anything that would end up being trouble’s been pretty much crushe- er, killed- destr- stamped out, by uh, by you.” Sods was cringing with every attempt to find a word that didn’t make his stomach turn, but Emizel didn’t seem to notice or mind.

Emizels eyes were currently a bit more focused on the body laying before him. He had that weird look on his face again… 

“Uhh, yeah, yeah that's good that uh, no troubles coming back to you guys…”

There’s a moment of quiet between the two as Emizel stares at this corpse, and Soda was about to open his mouth to fill the silence, but Emizel speaks up instead.

“Hey uh, why don’t you go ahead of me? I’ll uh, I'll meet you at the place.” He suggests, pointing vaguely off down the alley, but not removing his eyes from the kill. 

Soda certainly hesitates, his eyes narrowing before he even forms a thought. He opens his mouth to object, but then his eyes flicker back towards the body.

“Are you gonna eat this one too?”

The question leaves Sodas mouth as soon as it comes to mind.

Emizel pauses, and considers, before giving a shrug. “I don't see why not. Perfectly good blood.” He reaches down to grab his kill by the shirt, the one with the split open head. As the corpse rises from the concrete, gray matter drips and sloughs from the crack in its skull. Once again, Soda felt the need to look away, and yet his stupid eyes remained fixated on the horrendous sight. Emizel looks over the spilling brain of his meal, licking his lips curiously. “Dude, what do you think would happen if I ate his brain?” Emizel asks, looking back over to Soda with a wild, bloodied smile. Something about that look made Soda shiver, but.. Not really in a bad way… “Uh, I.. Dunno…. Eating a persons brain is how you get like, mad cow disease right? But you might also be immune to disease.. Are you immune to disease?” “Uhhh, I don't know yet actually. I'm still figuring out how much of this is like video games,” Emizel says, rubbing the back of his head as he idly sways the body of his kill around, watching the blood and gore drip and drop from its broken head. “Eh, I'll chance it later.” Without another word or thought, Emizel goes to sink his teeth into the shoulder of his kill, a pleased growl radiating from him as the blood gushes around the bite. More fresh blood upon less fresh blood upon old blood upon older blood. Just so much fucking blood. Soda thought he was used to seeing blood, but this… this was just egregious. Was he really starting to get used to this? It’s just blood after all, and it’s not from his comrades, so it's… fine… He finally manages to pull his eyes away from the gruesome sight of Emizel feeding, but his eyes instead wander down to the blood on his own shirt. Emizels blood was strange, darker than usual, and carrying a different scent. Something about the smell of his blood was more savory, more appealing than the standard metallic miasm. His shirt was smothered in it, his jacket was coated in it, and his opened bottle of Faygo was also splattered with the deep red ichor. Ink swirls within the bottle of red fizzy, spreading out into all sorts of odd patterns. It was a lot of blood. He was certain a lot of it came from however many people Emizels been feeding on. With how much hes been terrorizing the Fangs in just the last few days, and with how nonchalantly he feasts on his kills, who knows how much blood hes actually ingested… Soda swirls the bottle, watching the blood inside thin out into strands, dancing within the bubbly soda as they gradually dissipate, fully assimilating into the drink. A bad idea chews at the back of his head… The sound of ripping flesh once again knocks at Sodas head. He doesn’t look up this time, but he knew Emizel was just playing with his food again..  Did blood taste good to a vampire? Did some blood taste better than others? What did Sodas blood taste like? What did Emizels blood taste like? There's a visceral snap of something among the chewing and ripping, very clearly a bone or a joint snapping out of place. It made Soda shiver a little. When did his heart start pounding? There's an animal standing only 8 feet away from him, feeding on its kill. That animal is a person, and so is its kill. He wanted to know what vampire blood tasted like, but he already knew what human blood tasted like. It hung so densely in the air, he could feel it forming a vile film over his tongue. The blood of a person just like him. Eaten by an animal that eats people.  All this stress was no good. This bile rising to his throat was no good. This creeping anxiety was no good. He's friends with an animal that eats people. Would it eat him? This weird feeling was no good. Maybe it will never eat him. But it needs to eat people. This worry was no good. He needed to wash this awful taste from his mouth, replace it with something sweeter. He needed to keep his head clear enough to be there for Emizel when he needed to be. He needed to hold a light to these shadows. And he needed to stay positive, and drink soda. He takes a swig of the open Faygo bottle.

[bigboobyhalo]

you can See the struggling here but. armful of leonarda :'D I miss the eggs

AHHSHUGSHSGUAYGAHSGSUGSHAYSGGSHSGSHSGDHHSJFBFKSNNSHEKWBSJ‼️‼️‼️

[bitesizedgummie]

you guys...

what's up with ace attorney and people's dads dying? (major spoilers (pw: aa trilogy, aj: aa, aai) ahead!!)

miles' dad in the dl6

maya's dad just doesn't exist i guess

so does pearl's

kay's dad in the recess of that trial

trucy's (biological) dad got conked on the head

apollo's dad died in a house fire AND his adoptive dad was murdered (thanks to veraspaintwateruwu and meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-m in notes for telling me)

ema and lana's dad either didnt exist or died

franzy's dad went bye bye to rot in jail

gavin brothers' dad is never mentioned so probably dead/deadbeat too (thanks to drakkonyan in notes for sharing)

i'll add more if i remember but yeah, capcom needs to stop killing off ace attorney characters' dads

[serenescribe]

Talon??? ✨

dragon-themed writer ask game

Talon: share a snippet that tugs at your heartstrings- can be sad or happy!

She lets Boggy down before reaching out. “Here, give me that.” As Oisin relinquishes the ring easily, though not without confusion, Adaine grabs his left hand. In one smooth movement, she slides the ring onto his ring finger, silently thanking the fact that it fits perfectly. Grabbing his hand, she intertwines their fingers together — twin rings of silver and wood pressed against each other. “See?” Adaine says, with a grin. “We match now.” “Yeah,” Oisin breathes, pupils wide as he stares at their joined hands — at the jewellery they gifted to each other decorating both their fingers. “Yeah, we do.” Adaine sees the lump in his throat bob as he swallows. He turns his intense gaze to her, alight with desire and passion, a hungry spark within them. “I love you,” Oisin blurts out, the words tumbling forth. “You know that, right?” “Of course I do.” She leans in, presses a kiss against his forehead, against rough scale and ridges. Pulling back, Adaine smiles — sincere and serene. “I love you too.”

yeah this bit got me oTL

[itsybitsybatsyspider]

Hey so I've been *eating up* your TDP au and I looove everything you've made for it!! (The fact that I've finished season 6 yesterday is not helping aaaaa)

May I ask if Valka joins the party? Is she around?

AAAAAAA thank you thank you! Im so glad you enjoy it! It is my current brainrot and i have so many ThoughtsTM about it

And Valka is around......somewhere...... in Xadia.......

When she still lived in Berk she believed that peace was possible with the elves and dragons and did everything she could to convince anyone that they were not bloodthirsty monsters they had to fight. But of course no one believed her.

And so when she got taken by a dragon, after defending it and saving it's life during a raid, she figured that maybe Berk was hopeless and decided to stay in Xadia. (is this a flawed decision?? oh 100%. This action will have consequences in the future ;D)

And now 18 years later, she lives in the Uncharted Forest, helping and healing injured creatures and dragons and giving them a safe haven to reside in. She doesn't get many visitors, mainly because of the boundary spells that are set around her home, but she does get visits from her Sunfire elf friend who drops by from time to time to fill her in on things and ask for her help.

Recently though he's been trying to figure out what's been causing a corruption in the creatures of the region, and asked for her to keep an eye out for anything strange. Aside from that, the only other news Sandy has to share is that there's been a Sunfire elf terrorizing Berk. How strange. :)

[player1064]

“It’s still just as hard to return to his own bed afterwards as it had been four years ago” has RUINED me.. pls expand on them getting together omgggg

(in reference to my drabble from the other day)

me writing parts of the wife-Gary saga where they're in a committed relationship: fun. silly. these two idiots are so insufferable and drive everyone crazy w how in love they are.

me writing parts of the wife-Gary saga BEFORE they're in a committed relationship: they are so fucking tragic. and the REASON they are so fucking tragic is bc they are stupid. and repressed. and don't know how to have normal human conversations with each other.

---

 June, 2016.

“God, Carragher, ‘re you stalkin’ me? How is it that you’re always here after the shit games?”

“Calm down, lad, it’s only happened twice and I know you’ve had a lot more shit games than that. ‘Sides, ‘salmost like talkin’ about football is my job.”

“They should fuckin’ fire you, then,” Gary mutters.

Jamie raises a hand to his chest with an over-dramatic gasp. “But then we’d both be out a job. Think of the children, Gaz, how’re we gonna provide for them?”

Gary chuckles, but it comes out weak and bitter, shooting down any hopes Jamie has of lightening the mood.

He looks bad, is the thing. He looks really, really bad. Each month of the last six seems to have aged him an extra year, he’s pale and unkempt and he’s gained weight since Jamie had last seen him. And he’s looking at Jamie like – like he’d rather be looking at anyone else. Like he doesn’t trust him.

“That was cruel, Jamie, what you wrote,” he says flatly.

It’s my job, Jamie could argue, the articles get more clicks if I’m mean.

Instead, he looks Gary in the eye and says “I know. But someone had to say it.”

Gary rubs a hand over his jaw, huffs a sigh. “D’you not remember what it was like?” he asks, squinting at Jamie. “To wear the badge. I mean, I know it weren’t the same as Liverpool, for you. Weren’t the same as United for me, to be fair. But you must remember. End of the day, they’re just boys. We were too, all them years ago.”

“Gary, they played like shit,” Jamie says, gentle as he can. It doesn’t even occur to him to lie, to tell some meaningless platitude about how they tried their best. It was fucking Iceland.

“Yeah,” Gary says. “Yeah, I know.”

*

All Jamie wants is to say something mean, to tease Gary and make him laugh and for everything to just go back to fucking normal, for him to have seen Gary more than twice in the last six months. For those two meetings to have been after some fucking wins, instead of –

They sit side by side in the hotel bar, drinking in silence and staring blankly ahead.

Feels a lot like Barcelona.

“Ha,” Gary replies when he tells him this. “Fucking Spain.”

Jamie, who has never known Spain to do anything but take, raises his glass to that. “Fuckin’ Spain.”

Gary turns his head to look at him, makes a little high-pitched humming noise before shaking his head and staring down at the counter top instead.

“What?”

“Nothin’,” he says quickly. “’s stupid.”

Not like Jamie’s got anything better to do than sit and wait for Gary to get over himself, so that’s exactly what he does.

Eventually, Gary starts up again, voice unsteady. “I always wondered, um. If Spain was as shit for you as it was for me.”

“Well I never lost 7-0, lad, so I’m gonna go with no,” Jamie jokes, even though he knows that’s not what Gary means.

Because what he knows Gary means is –

“I mean Madrid, James. I guess – I’ve been thinkin’ a lot, obviously, about Spain. And how before all this –” he waves a hand vaguely in the air. “—before all this, Spain was just – it was only ever Madrid, tha’s all it meant to me. And I always wondered, ever since – d’you remember 2004? I always remember gettin’ to training camp, that year, an’ I saw you ‘n him, and I thought, I mean – I wondered, if maybe it was the same. For you, as it was for me. I remember thinkin’ that.”

2004 was… What springs to mind, when Jamie thinks of 2004, when he thinks of Gary Neville in 2004, is how much he fucking hated him. He remembers watching him at England camps, watching him with Beckham and wondering how the fuck they were able to carry on like nothing had changed, when it was taking all of Jamie’s energy to be civil to his oldest friend.

“I think…” he says carefully, ever so slightly terrified that he’s read this all wrong. “I think it was, yeah. I think it was the same.”

Gary breathes a sigh of relief.

He looks back at Jamie, unblinking, and asks quietly “what about Valencia?”

“What about it?”

“Was’at the same, for you. As Madrid. ‘Cause it felt – not the same, I s’pose, but – similar. Similar enough. For me.”

Jamie takes him in, the dark circles under his eyes, the hunched shoulders. The way he’s nervously biting his lip. Jamie takes it all in, and he thinks fucking Spain, and he thinks fucking Iceland.

“What’re you asking me, Gary?”

“Come up to my room with me?”

*

“Jamie,” Gary says breathlessly, eyes wide, as Jamie grinds their hips together like they’re a pair of fucking teenagers, “Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.”

“Christ, Gary,” Jamie huffs. Except it comes out softer than he’d meant it to. Christ, Gary. He splays one hand over Gary’s bare chest, scraping his fingernails over the pale skin. “You really don’t ever shut up, do ya?”

Gary flushes, brings a hand up to cover his mouth. Jamie grabs hold of his wrist and tugs it away.

“No, I didn’t mean –” he starts, painfully aware of what a fucking fool he’s about to make of himself. “I didn’t mean stop. ‘s nice. ‘s always nice, t’hear you dronin’ on.”

“Oh fuck you, Carra,” Gary says, but there’s a new twinkle in his eye. His blush has toned down to a delicious shade of pink, which makes Jamie want to do stupid things, like lean down and kiss him on the cheek, or say to him –

No. That can’t be what this is.

He smirks instead, says “think I’d rather fuck you,” delights in the way Gary’s grip on his arse tightens.

“Maybe next time, James, go easy on an old man.”

“Bit full of ourselves, are we? Thinkin’ I’ll be wantin’ a repeat performance?”

“More thinkin’ you’ll be wantin’ a rematch, ‘cause so far you’re a shit fuckin’ lay.”

“Am I fuck.”

*

The problem, when you really think about it, isn’t Jamie at all. He’s lying on his side, propped up with his elbow, and he’s watching Gary smile dozily at him.

The problem isn’t Gary, either. Or maybe it is, maybe the fact that he’s not the problem is causing a whole new set of problems, but Jamie can’t slow down his racing mind enough to deal with that right now.

No, the problem is fucking Spain, it's Valencia, it's Madrid, it’s David Beckham and it’s Michael Owen. The problem is this hotel in France, and it’s Iceland, and it’s Roy Hodgson, and it’s fifty years of hurt. The problem is about an hour’s drive down the M62, the problem is lying across from him, fingers lightly tracing the scars on his stomach, and the problem is saying “think I could love you, y’know,” as easily as you might say ‘it’s going to rain today’, or ‘Manchester United will never win the league again’.

And the problem, the real problem, is that Jamie can’t say it back. The problem is he’s never been able to say it, not to anyone.

So fine, maybe Jamie’s the problem.

He leans forward and brushes his lips against Gary’s, feels his pleased little hum, feels him try pull Jamie closer.

Jamie pulls away, slips out of the bed. He keeps his back to Gary when he says “I’ll see you at work when new season starts, then, yeah?”

“Oh,” he hears Gary say, voice small. “Oh, right. Yeah, I’ll – yeah.”

Jamie pulls his clothes back on and walks out the door. He’s got a flight to catch soon, anyways.

[subsequentibis]

i love sundowner’s big coat he just looks like this to me

[smoke-and-silver]

The way that I absolutely fucking screeched when I saw that you had put out more Ifridette content since I last doomscrolled your blog is not funny. I just let out sounds only hellhounds could fucking hear

There he is !! 🥺

I'm so happy that they're being well received and people like them!! ;; <3

I'm happy my blog is doomscrollable lkfdgjlkfj

[scribbsyscribs]

When one of the big dogs comments on your Huskerdust mpreg fic.

[hard-at-play]

Some super cute Adam merch I got from @darkmedolie ! Very high quality and fast shipping! Must haves for any Hazbin Adam fan 😇.

[melto]

Does anyone even fucking care about the awesome insane gay sex that the newest jack & joker ep opened with⁉️

[artcake]

Hello! I know I give you so many asks but heres another :) Could you do Ralvez looking slightly dishevelled and suspicious coming out of a supply closet??

insert "nobody's gonna know" meme here

[bloodanddiscoballs]

hiii!! 25, 26, 15!

15: Favorite movie

I always have such a hard time narrowing it down but I think right now I'd have to say Alien (1979)! I love the slow build and that it's basically a game of cat and mouse. There is something so terrifying about being completely isolated in space and knowing you're being hunted by something you cannot hope to kill. Also Sigourney Weaver is so hot I can't. Scifi mixed with Horror is the best way to get me to watch a movie ngl!

25: My idea of a perfect date

I love a good summer break kinda date. Hopping in the car and heading down to the beach or to a park that you can ride bikes or walk around a lake with a packed lunch and spending the whole day talking and enjoying the sun and sky. Once it gets dark, finding a place you can drive off to where it's quiet and you can stargaze together and listen to music and, of course, cuddle and kiss in the backseat until you forget what time it is. Forget the world together kind of date where it feels like time is never going to end.

26: My biggest pet peeves

Hmmmmm I think it's a person being on their phone when I'm trying to tell them something that's important to me. Like I'm trying to tell them about something that happened or gush about something that makes me happy and have them just completely ignore me, especially if they asked in the first place. like very clearly ignore, not just were scrolling and give answers to me. I'm talking "hm? did you say something?" And then, if I just stop talking or just share less of myself, I hate when they do the whole "why don't you ever tell me anything about yourself/talk to me?" like??????

[gentlebeard]

15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Tagged by @soupbtch & @xoxoemynn - thank you danny & emy ❤️

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? no, my parents just liked my name

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? ... yesterday - twice! and it's all @edsbacktattoo's fault because the newest chapter of their fic "the tolling bells" absolutely destroyed me in the best possible way. EVERYONE PLS READ THAT FIC, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!! (jams, babe, ily but i'm still so 🥺 about it all)

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? nope, not really planning on having any either

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED? i played basketball, volleyball and badminton when i was younger. rn i'm trying to get back into running

DO YOU USE SARCASM? oh, she's everything to me

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? their hands and eyes and whether they have a kind vibe or not

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR? blue

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? nah, fuck scary movies. i CANNOT do horror. give me all the happy endings pls. (the only way i'd ever watch horror is to get into someone's pants sdjhsajkdjk)

ANY TALENTS? i play several instruments, i can cook and bake, and i guess i can edit videos a bit 🙃

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? germany

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? i'm in two different bands, so lots of rehearsals, lots of concerts, lots of shows

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? no 😔 i wish i had time for a dog

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 161 cm / 5'3"

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? all languages, art, music

DREAM JOB? i never really had a dream job. but i always wanted to do something with language and writing. which i am doing!

no pressure tags: @edsbacktattoo @ofmd-ann @sherlockig @bizarrelittlemew @cahootings @endevouring-to-surprise @agaywithcoffee @darkinerry @kiwistede @stedesearring @rainbowcrowley @spirker and whoever would like to do it!