#no shade at my three main hoes in real life

[20yearstostart]

8 things I learnt in 2018:

is it even really my page if it doesn’t have basic new year shit??

1. to have limits

i have always gone up, down, under and beyond my way to help people that i care about. sometimes that meant i was getting hurt and suffering loss, but i did it for these people. however, most of the times its not worth it. so this year, i will help people to an extent that does not hurt me.

2. help people only if they ask for help

all my life, i have tried to mould myself into this girl who is selfless and helps people despite her own best interests. it’s also kinda of my parent's upbringing that makes want to do stuff for others that i dont have too. which means most of the time when my friends and i eat out, i always take the bill even though they offer. which is stupid, because i am stupid and short on money too. so this year, unless people say that they want my help, i will not offer to help them, because it has to a circle at the end of the day. what do they offer me? are they there when i need them?

disclaimer: you two are an exception. i’ll spend my whole account on you two and not sweat about it <3

3. if you study hard you get results

i used to be a naturally smart girl in high school, I passed with good grades and minimum effort. however, my first year of uni was terrible. i was barely passing and i hated all my classes. i didn’t know what to do or how to do better. eventually, i learnt in time. and once again, its not just about studying hard, its about studying smart. you can spend hours trying to study but if you’re doing it wrong its pointless. experiment with different methods of studying and see what works for you, don’t be scared.

4. how to love got7

before this year, i used to love got7 obsessively. i would never be a creepy fan who stalks them day and night and would be angry if they breathe the same air as a female idol. i would just spend all my free hours on them, and the time i’m supposed to study, i was watching them. i still watch crack/ meme (whatever the lingo is) videos on youtube, but its less now. i love them, by appreciating their music and hard work and supporting them, but putting myself first.

5. everything changes in a split-second

i realised how much power we truly hold in our lives. with one simple action, we can change the course of your whole entire life. this could be for better or for worse, but the main part is, we are never truly stuck in a situation no matter how true that may seem. everything comes to an end, and how and when that does is up to us.

6. don’t kill yourself over the past

i literally wanted to kill myself at the beginning of the year. it was a dark period; i was carrying the shame of the past, and the tragedy of high school relationships. my grades were bad, and i thought i was going to let my parents down and it was just terrible. i learnt with the help of wonderful and supportive people around me that its okay to let go of the past and look towards the future. and when you do look forward, don’t let the failure and hurt of the past shadow whatever hope of a happy future you have. in the end, everything will be okay.

7. it is okay to fuck up once in a while because the sky is so big

this all started because of that essay jaebum wrote for today, tomorrow exhibition. if you look at the sky three times, you’re living an easy life. so let’s all look at the sky to forget how shitty life is. not exactly those words, but same feel. i started doing this because this was during my lowkey obsessive phase and jaebum said to. but slowly, i started to take it in a different way. every time i looked up, i saw how big the sky is, and then i thought of myself from its point of view. i’m so little it could barely see him; there are billions of people in the world, and there are worse things happening to them other than failing an assignment. and that comforted me; my life isn’t too hard, its only hard if i make it. 

8. to love me 

as cheesy as it sounds, this was probably the most important one. growing up in a generation where self-deprecation humour is the epitome of humour, i was. sucked right into it. for a while, i didn’t know what was humour and what real, and it all just became too much. all i started to see was insecurities, and how bad i looked, how i couldn’t talk, was weird and how shitty my life was. i lost myself so much in everything bad, that i forgot to count my blessings. this year taught me to love myself and to appreciate where i am with what i have. a body with fat does not mean the end of the world, i can work hard to get into shape. and working out feels great. i have people who read my writings and tell me how good it is and literally tell me so sweetly to update instead of calling me a lazy fuck. i have decided to treat myself the way i’d want my friends to treat themselves. i am going to become a friend to myself. oh lord, that's so cheesy haha

be beautiful, be you kids, and surround yourself with good people. 

much love,  me. 

[harryhooksgazebos267]

Broken Trust~ Part Five

Paring: Bang Chan x reader; Mark Tuan x reader(arranged marriage)

Genre: Mafia au, angst, little bit of everything honestly

Warnings: Cursing, mafia life and shizzle

MASTERLIST

“Y/n.”

........

“Y/nnnnnnn”

.........

“Maybe she’s dead?”

“Jisung shut the fuck up, why are you even here?”

“Hey don’t talk to my Jisung like that!”

“You can shut the fuck up too hoe.”

“Changbin, Jisung, and Minho will the three of you stop acting like children? You guys shouldn’t even be here.”

“Ah Chan losen up a bit, we’re just messing around. Right guys,” Jisung said while pulling Changbin into a choke hold.

“What did I just say? Now leave!”

“But she could wake up any minute and we-“

“I said leave!”

With a sigh, all three boys left reluctantly. Muttering out smart remarks and little complaints. Chan sat down in a chair that was infront of yours. You currently were knocked out and tied to chair in Stray Kids basement.

“I swear, one of these days I’m gonna kill one of them,” he mumbled to himself while rubbing his head. He loved all of his main members but goddamn they got on his nerves sometimes. All of a sudden, you began to stir.

“Ah so the princess is finally waking up,” he thought to himself as he sat up straight in his chair, leaning forward a little.

Your head was beating heavily and your mind was foggy. You couldn’t quite remember what had happened before you woke up and your state of confusion was obvious. You see, Chan had set the chair up where he was in the dark so that you wouldn’t immediately see him. Was it extra? Yes but in his mind it was kind of badass.

“Where the fuck am I?” You whispered to yourself as you began to look around at the unfamiliar room.

“Isn’t it obvious where you’re at?” A voice suddenly boomed out which you recognized right away. Everything began to come back to you.

“Chan,” you hissed out as his figure stalked towards you.

“The one and only”, he mocked which caused you to roll your eyes.

“Why am I here?”

“Ah come on y/n, I know you’re a smart girl! You know why you’re here. Why don’t we talk about something else, something far more interesting.”

“Whatever, I don’t know why I’m here but pop off I guess.”

Chan’s jaw clenched at that.

“Moving on, I want to make a deal with you. I believe it’ll be beneficial to both parties.”

“I’m listening I guess.”

“You see, I have very good sources in JYP that have been extremely useful and helpful to my, no, Stray Kids plans. However, there are some missing pieces that I’m almost positive you have. If you were to cooperate 100% and the information you give us is accurate, I promise you I’ll-“

Chan’s speech was cut off by a hiccup.

“Yo that’s so damn embarrassing,” you laugh out as his cheeks turn a light shade of red.

“Hey it’s not *hiccup* funny.”

“Bro you cannot tell me that isn’t funny. “Oh I’m the king of serious and I’m getting down to business but oh no my long important speech that I’ve been planing for years gets cut off by a tiny little hiccup”. Seriously, you don’t find that a little funny?”

At this point you were in tears laughing so hard. Was it really that funny? No but in stressful, serious situations, everything is 100000% funnier.

“Stop laughing, it’s not even that funny,” he said while lowkey trying not to laugh at the situation. You were right, it was kind of funny. If he was in your shoes he would be laughing to.

“Okay, okay I’m done. Woo my stomach hurts. Anyway; carry on with your monologue.”

“As I was saying, if you can give me reliable information, I’ll let you go. No harm will come to you and everyone wins in the end.”

“You can’t be serious? Everyone wins in the end?”

“Yes, everyone does. I don’t see what the problem is.”

“I’m not going to turn on my future father-in-laws mafia. That doesn’t even make sense Chan.”

He paused for a moment, deep in thought.

“When are you getting married?” He suddenly asked, catching you off guard.

“Well that was random.”

“Just answer the question, I don’t need your commentary.”

You let out a loud breath as you looked away from him.

“Does it even matter? I don’t get why you wanna know.”

Chan stayed silent at that.

“Well if really want to know, our fathers haven’t selected an exact date. They’re thinking sometime in early October.”

“Oh happy birthday to me,” he laughed out bitterly while shaking his head.

You didn’t really know what to say. If you had it your way, you wouldn’t even be marrying Mark.

“Do you love him?” Chan tried to ask nonchalantly but you could tell it bothered him to ask.

“I....I don’t know. I mean he’s not hard on the eyes and deep down I know he cares for me but sometimes he-“

“Cares for you? He doesn’t care for you! None of them do! They’re all selfish, greedy men who will do anything in their power to do what’s best for themselves. They would kill you in the blink of an eye if they thought it would get them further in life,” he yelled.

“Oh what and you’re any better? You’re just as bad as them!”

“I am nothing close to being like those assholes!”

“You’re apart of the mafia, what do you mean you’re not close to being like them? And are you just gonna ignore what you did to me? You left me. For two fucking years you left me. Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep, thinking the guy that I loved was dead? Then suddenly you just decide to come back like it’s no big fucking deal, kidnap me, then have the nerve to tell me that Mark doesn’t care for me when you haven’t been here. What would you even know? Just because he doesn’t always say it, doesn’t mean he’s a selfish prick who wouldn’t care if I lived or died. So don’t act like you know everything.”

“Why are you defending him when you don’t even love him?”

“I never said I don’t love him.”

“You just said you didn’t know!”

“But I never said I don’t!”

Chan and you were both breathing hard as your tempers began to rise.

“Did you ever even love me?” Chan asked with a look of disgust on his face.

“What kind of question is that? Of course I did! I was going to marry you, why the fuck would I agree to that if I didn’t love you?”

Chan began to pace back and forth while rubbing his face in his hands.

“I guess it was one sided though,” You muttered out causing him to stop dead in his tracks.

“What did you just say?” He questioned in a low voice.

“You heard me, why should I repeat myself?”

“You know what, maybe it was one sided but I sure as hell wasn’t the one who didn’t love the other one. I wasn’t the one who went and got engaged the second the other person was out of the picture.”

“What the hell are you talking about? First of all, you’re acting like it was my choice when it wasn’t. Second of all, we literally didn’t get engaged until this year. You couldn’t have expected me to stay single for the rest of my life Chan, I thought you were dead. And you know what, speaking of being dead, I wasn’t the one who faked their own damn death!”

“The only reason I faked my death was because of you!”

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. Why would he fake his death because of you?

“What?”

“Whatever, I don’t want to have this conversation anymore,” he huffed out while moving his chair from the dark into the dim lighting and sat right in front of you.

“You can’t just say that and not elaborate on what you mean!”

“Trust me, we’ll have plenty of time to talk about that but today isn’t that day.”

“But-“

“Enough y/n, I’m not going to say what you want to hear so just drop it.”

You both sat in silence for a bit, the weight of the argument taking a toll on the both of you.

“Now, back to what we were discussing before. What I had in mind is, you could call Mark and tell him that we asked you to join Stray Kids. Just make up some story that I still love you and want to be with you blah blah, you get the point. So then you tell him that you agreed but in reality it’s just an act and you’re trying to get information out of us and you’ll report back to them with made up shit. I was thinking you could also talk to Red Velvet, Twice, GOT7, NCT, whoever you want and try to get information out of them but casually, you know? Like hey ummmm Sana, how’s it going? Oh, you plan on doing this super secret mission to get some super secret information? Oh cool, I will do nothing with this news and I sure won’t tell Stray Kids any of this teehee.”

“Teehee? Really?”

“That’s not the point. The point is you give them fake information, they give you real stuff in return, I don’t kill you, and everyone wins. I think it’s a great plan,” he stated with a shrug.

“Right yeah no I still don’t get how I win in this situation.”

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know about me leaving.”

“Wait are you serious?” You asked as you tried to lean forward, forgetting your arms were tied behind your back.

“Yeah I guess but I won’t answer them all at once and I don’t plan on exposing anything juicy just yet. Patient is a virtue,” he joked with a wink.

“You’re so damn weird. You were just breathing heavy like a bull who saw red and now you’re cracking jokes?”

Chan just gave you a little shrug.

“So, do we have a deal or not?”

TAG LIST (feel free to send me an ask if you would like to be added to the tag list or if you would like me to send a private message everytime I update <3): @elenaramos1​

Part six

MASTERLIST

[amethystsoda]

Thank you for tagging me @persephones-deadgirlwalking

1. preferred name - Ari

2. birthday - August 31st

3. where do you live - midwest (corn country)

4. three things you’re doing right now - drinking hot chocolate, thinking about the spot I accidentally bit inside my mouth, answering this quiz lol

5. fandoms - JJBA, Bee and Puppycat, What We Do In The Shadows, Spy x Family, lots of little indie story-based games, a few musicians like Porter Robinson and Madeon (Used to be big into Doctor Who, Gravity Falls, and SVTFOE)

6. how has the pandemic treated you -

7. a song you cant stop listening to - Under the Moon - Foster the People

8. recommend a movie - Dan In Real Life (the soundtrack is delightful and I love the family reunion/coastal aesthetic)

9. age - 28

10. school, uni, occupation, other - prefer to only reveal to close friends

11. do you prefer heat or cold - somewhere in between, I don’t regulate temperature well

12. name a fact others might not know about you - I have a face scar from a conch shell that I got around 2 years old

13. are you shy - Sometimes. I have pretty bad social anxiety, so if someone is quiet or doesn’t open up, things will get awkward quick… I have to feel like someone wants me there before being comfortable lol.

14. preferred pronouns - she/her and sometimes they/them (I go with the term femme genderflux bc I fluctuate between girl and agender a lot—just depends on the day!)

15. pet peeves - when a sink faucet is too close to the back edge and you get water everywhere

16. fave “-dere” type - tsundere...  😔👊

17. life rn 1-10 - 7ish

18. main blog - @amethystsoda

19. side blogs - a lot, but the main ones are my writing @softlimefluff and a McElroy one @neonhalcyon​

20. what you need to know b4 becoming my friend — I will always try to be super supportive and encourage you! At times I know it can be smothering or feel like I’m brushing problems away, but I’ll still do my best to help however I can 💕

Tagging @dongiovannaswife @giogio-gucci-gangstar @smol-sunnie @simping-for-tendou @kakyoin-shades @wes-bluemarine-hoe @abbacchios-sunflower @keezree

[adevotedappraisal]

The Carter Trilogy, part three of five

4:44: And you stare blankly into space, thinking about all the time you wasted on all this basic shit

During Fade to Black, the documentary following Jay Zs 2003 farewell performance for a short-lived retirement from rap, this curious thing happens. Between the setups for the performance at Madison Square Garden, and Jay traversing the country to nest with hit producer after producer, a scene appears of Jay, presumably at his Roc-a-Fella records headquarters, asking, actually beseeching, the motley crew of executives, rappers and goons to prod him to talk about the negative effects of drugs and guns in a song, being that he had glamourized them over the course of six or so albums by that point. No resolution to change course was made at that meeting, but the look of Jay Z in that scene was riveting.  He looked like a man that wanted some kind, aged woman to hold his face in her hands and tell him to follow his heart.  Instead he was surrounded by men only concerned with the bottom line, men he personally chose.  “If that’s what they want to hear, then they buy it,” one says.

Then, there’s a moment on the album he traversed the country for, 2003s The Black Album, on the song “Moment of Clarity,” where he says the lines “truthfully I’d rather rhyme like Common Sense, but I did five mil, and I ain’t rhyme like Common since,” once again exposing some type of urge to, I don’t know, tell the world the tumbling and uncovered things washing around in his soul that sounded like the hot whiskey that sloshed around in Nina Simone’s voice, or like Un’s voice that night he was stabbed, or like that trembling awe in Donny Hathaway’s voice when he let go and sang about being free, or that sounded like his wife’s flat voice as she stared blankly into space over the phone.  Well that urge, that curiosity, to step outside of the celebrity version that one constructs to present to the world, is found on 4:44.

A stark, bracing look at the life of Shawn Carter, rife with intimacy and triumph are found across these songs, some which show a Jay Z in charge, advising and boasting, and another set of songs that deconstruct the myth of the Rap star at the same time.  

Opener “Kill Jay Z” is a series of clear-eyed, accusatory, second person couplets over a panicked muffle of a beat.  Confessionals and invective pushed together into lines, not only in the famous Kanye “20 mill” line but also in “you stabbed Un over some records, your excuse was he was talking too reckless,” and “you got people you love you sold drugs to, you got high on the life, that shit drugged you.”  It’s the type of shit men say into the shower in tortured litanies the afternoon after a late night bender, a shocking look at a man without his crown coming to terms with himself. The lines come off as strips of ego, revealing a man as used to failing as he is to winning.

Then there is the centerpiece and title track, which along with Cardi Bs “Bodak Yellow,” was one of the best songs a New York rapper released that year, a track that marries captivating lyrics over an equally striking beat.  

He uses his voice in subtle ways now, to express shaded emotions, like in “Adnis,” from the set of throwaways-for-a-reason extra CD tracks, where he confesses about his father “you couldn’t kick the habit, wished you had said something,” and over that whinnying vocal sample and those somber piano chords I try to imagine the advice a drug dealer might give to a parent that uses, the karmic kindness he might have met him with.

And on “Legacy” he is limber and reflective, on a coolly lazy chop of some drums and that Donnie Hathaway voice sample I told you about, sounding like Train of Thought-era Talib Kweli.  Rapping again about his father, or Father, he says, “I studied muslims, bhuddas and Christians, I was running from him, but he was giving me wisdom.”  

First the beat, a joyous chop of some modern Blue Eyed soul from Britain, the swooping runs and hot yelps of the singer swirling into a deep groove, a masterful manufacturing of voice and instrumental bombast that recalls the great beats of J Dilla’s rhythmic juggling of Luther Vandross’ voice in “Airworks,” and Just Blaze’s arresting rendering of Gladys Knights voice on Freeway’s “When They Remember.”  The song, and all production here, is handled by Chicago producer No I.D.  

He came up producing the first three Common albums with the same multi-bar looping of sounds, with the Common songs focusing on the bassline and guitar of jazz and funk records.  But with Jay, his beats has its main characteristics coming from the chopping of the piano, the voice and the soft harmonies of Soul songs, and this song it is said, was done after No I.D. sent him the beat and song to listen to, with Jay listening and then later waking at the titular time to compose and spew his guts out about his marriage and behavior.  

Now whether that story is true, or whether it is true for marketing purposes, is immaterial, because the truth and the purported truth both resulted in this resolute, unflinched honesty, these lyrics cutting into not only the mirrored scales of celebrity drama, but into the dermis and flesh of relationships themselves. “I said ‘don’t embarrass me’ instead of ‘be mine,’ that was my proposal for us to go steady,” he says, the admission of a man on top of the Rap world at the start of the millenium, from when he was cocksure and unsure at the same time.  

Later, he talks of stillborns, then threesomes and then there is the crushing observation “your eyes leave with the soul that your body once housed,” and then he ends a verse with the prayer of husbands in the quote “I stew over, what if, you over, my shit?”

This is an examination of the parts of a man when he was broken and flailing for control, the myth deflated into an approachable Clark Kent of a rapper, and broken down even more until the mask goes away, until the acknowledgement that Santa Claus is fake, until what results is an aesthetic of honesty, a veteran giving a seamless performance of realness.

There of course is still Jay’s expected brand of braggadocio, the songs that make up the mythical Jay, and that creates the tension of this album. “Smile” finds Jay and his mother rising above their adversaries of career and sexuality over a sweet sampling of a Stevie Wonder classic. “Aw you thought I was washed/ I’m at the cleaners, laundering dirty money, like the teamsters,” he boasts. There’s “Bam” with Junior Gong, where he is at his most alert and violent, surrounded by an angelic cloud of Sister Nancys echoing through the reggae strut.  With “Marcy Me,” the rapper is at the top of his powers, each line filled with double entendres and agile flows, the song resonant and dense enough to be the type of track found on a late-nineties DJ Clue tape, and then it starts slowing down and expanding into an epic sprawl, the voices of yesteryear stretched, echoed.

This look at the man behind the throne is what gives a lot of 4:44 its social and emotional push forward.  As time has passed though, we see that the album that came with building-spanning pomp and mysterious advertisements, is in reality an insular record, with wisened words cosseted in beats with warm, swirling harmonies.   What the Brooklyn, N.Y. rapper manages to do is produce a solid album, not about relishing in cash, money and hoes, but about a life in the wake of those excesses, and about the barbed reckoning in the heart of marriages necessary for them to beat again.  I don’t think Jay is haunted by his searching questions from that moment in the documentary.  And I don’t think he gets up at four-something in the morning anymore either.

But there’s something that stops me from just calling 4:44 a new classic and an epic comeback like others did upon release.  It’s just that, well, I wish this album swung for the fences more. There’s a ton of great album tracks dealing with the knotted distemper of love and of life, but only “4:44” and “Marcy Me” even try to whip any of this up into a frenzy, and I think that is because other than the tangled root of Frank Ocean in “Caught in Their Eyes” and the thick chants of “Bam,” there isn’t much in the way of choruses here.

There is a hermetic groove here, the songs that Jay picked for NoI.D. to chop up included a number of warm Soul records from the seventies. The songs are turned inward most lines, causing him to employ more relaxed tones in his voice, like his drugged, mocking confessions on the foggy “Moonlight.” This works well for some songs to play after some fine Common or Talib Kweli joints, but Jay Z, and his voice, are at their best when they are on top of the world, not coiled and engaging in self-flagellation.

[c0untb00z]

I would just like to clear, I don't hate the BBC Dracula 2020 Show. In fact, I actually like the idea of Dracula being set in modern times like in the show, but I would like it a lot better if it wasn't written like a fucking reader insert fanfiction.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some reader inserts every once in a while but they're meant to be on Wattpad. Sometimes, you can find really fucking good fanfictions that could genuinly be movies, but this really just feels like someone wrote an erotic fanfiction for Dracula. It almost reminds me of a worse version of 50 Shades of Grey with less kinky sex.

First and foremost Agatha Van Hesling. I actually kinda liked her personality, how driven she was and determined to never give up, but she was literally created for a love interest. In Dracula by Bram Stocker, Sister Agatha is a nun that nurses Jonathan back to health, claiming he was 'sick in the head' as he ranted of what he had seen and warning others of Dracula. She doesn't even have a last name.

However there is a Dr. Van Hesling in the book, hes dutch(???) Professor that mentors and taught(????) Jack Seward who was in love with Lucy, who was fed off of and eventually killed and eventually undead by the means of the one and only Dracula. Dr Van Hesling plays a large role in the plot of the book. He has an open mind and was able to draw connections between things that some others couldn't, as he had access to more sources and could speak to most off the charecters involved. He's the first person to present the idea of a vampire, and Lucy turning into one. Thanks to Jonathan he was able to identify the vampire feeding on Lucy as Dracula and finds out how to kill the vampires.

So basically Agatha was literally fabricataed for the sole perpose of being there, to fall in love with Dracula or something.

I know we all are horny for Dracula. I'm horny for Dracula. Vampires are fucking hot but the sexiest part of vampires is that they ya know. Kill you and are mercily and heartless. The show does show that in a lot of parts and even decapiates a nun and yeets it into a gaggle of nuns which i fucking died at. But it also, humanizes him way to much, hes literally a monster. The scene in the boat with lord whats his name really portrayed that. It was really,,,, weird cause me being a kinky fucker I don't find the particular phrases of "you're going to need to be quiet now," and " youre doing so well" that creepy and if anything a little hot but looking at the circumstance and the look on that kids face, it was like r e a l y fucked up. Which is why i liked that scene. It showed just how fucked up Dracula is.

To be fair i did like Cleas Bangs acting and casting as Dracula. He had a certain charm that was ever so s l i g h t l y off. I heard people say he just 'made up an accent' but fuck you guys its a fucking danish accent you incolent twats anyways. He could be really funny at times and i actually apprecited it.

However the casting AND acting of the modern parts is absolute shit. Ep.3 is where i kinda gave up on the show and finsihed it for the sake of torturing myself. FIRST OF FUCKING ALL LUCY i cannot fathom how P I S S E D i am about Lucy. Why did they have to make her a phone obsessed basic asshole with no regards to anyones emotions besides her own and the extent of her personality is 'getting likes on socail media is all i care about because it makes me feel validated so im gonna wallo in self pity because i was obiously written by white man in his 50s that would have made me white if he wasnt forved to throw in diversity points" like shut the fuck up steven king.

Also lucy and mina never meet??? Theyre in different fucking time lines??? Theyre friendship and love for eachother was fucking golden how dare you rob that form me and give me a garbage bag full of shit with a shiny little bow on top in its place jesus f u ck.

The cemetary scene was o k ay i gues?? I liked the little nod to the book with the bloofer lady and the concept of random sprits being undead because of unfinished buisness. But this really just felt like it was slapped in the show for the sake of going on a date with Dracula in cemetary. I actually kinda apperacted it but it just felt awkward.

Also who the f u ck is Lucy's friend? The gay one??? Like,,,, is that supposed to Arthur???? His chatecter was so fu king weird and offset he just didnt feel like he should be in there. Hes literally just there for a-50-year-old-man's-interpretation-of-young-women-now-a-days verson of Lucy to have a gay best ffriend.

Ok i not even sure if i want to talk about Quincy. It just hurts. It physically hurts me to think about how d i r t y they did my baby. His charecter is the defination of american chivalry, just as great as regular chivarly but with a little extra cowboy vibe. Quincy is jist the biggest,,,, sweet haert,, like he asked lucy to marry him in his cool american cowboy voice cause he knew lucy loved it and it always made her laugh. And even when she turned him down becayse her heart belonged to arthur, he stayed. All he wanted was for lucy to be happy and all he requested was that they stay frirnds. Hes also invovled with taking fkwn dracula although hes not a main charecter percice ly as he doesnt have any entires in the book he still has an amaizing precence and sometimes while reading the book ill be readying one of dr sewards passanges and think "huh i wonder what quncys doin. I hope hes dooin good. Cowboy vibes n stuffs" amd boy dles he do that. Everh dracula film adaptataion robs us. R O B S U S of quincy morris best scene. In the middle of dr van helsing ranting about vampires( thats basically what half of the book is. I could write a 4p minute mono louge of his rambling jesus how does sweard take note of all this) quincy litterally just walks out. And nobodg really pays any notice beside glancing ag his leave and shrugging at one anouther and going back tl listneing tl van helsing explaining his vampire fan theories quincy moris , the quincy morris from texathe untited states of the amerkca the land and the free and also cowboys.stands outside of the bouilding and pints his gun up at. Dracula whos in the shape of a fucking bat eves ddopping outside the window and just fucking,,shoots it. Now he doesnt hit it cause thatt wouldnt be as fun as brutally stabbing the fucker witja wooden stake. But S T I L L. And the fucking bullet hits the window that everybodys in anprobably causes arthur to shit himself the ppoor boy. Can you belive that theh didnt fucking flim thatfor any dracul? Now i i under stands why not put in this adaptation because quincy is only mentionsed like three god damned times. And when theh DK mention him jesusnshit they literally jsut made him some popular jock from amwrica just to conter jacks white twinky ass and then they had him propose to lucy in the middle of a fucking night club and she says yes???? Lile ok jut throw Arthur out a window then cause cause fu c k him i guess. And then after lucy dies he jjsy fucking moves ?? The only thing thta makes this version of qincy quinccy is the fu king name and fact hes from america

Ok now jack fucking seward. He reminds me of when ylu forget you had a pb&j in your back pack so in the bos after school you pull it out cause yoyr hungry and yoyr mom put WAY to much jelly on it so now its like. All obsorbed into the bread and joggy and squished. Just sad and really white. They even had some kid call him whate bread and they werent fucking wrong. His obly personality traits were ' omg i love lucy but shes a hoe ;,,,((' and being connected to Zoe.

Now last and definately least the god forbaden ending. Just thinking about it gives me a fucking head ache. So , jesus, zoe, who is agathas great niece or someshit, a d looks exactly like her (its literally the same fucking actress) is a detective lile scitist reasearching dracula. So dracula is illedatly attracted to her becasue he thinks shes like agathas reincarnation or soenshit. So he tries tk drink her blood at one point and spits it all out and pukes and sjit cause her blood is poisonous bevaise she has fucking c an c e r. So later we find out that draculas weaknesses ( the sun crucifix) arnt actually real hes just afraid of dying so he has like irration fears or some shit so for some fucking reason. They deside. Its a good iea to end the show with this:

Dracula fucking drinks all of zoes blood killing her and himself because her blood poisonus. And ghe fucking emd scene is them like,,, in the sun???? Or soemt hi ng??? And theyre naked and like presumably fucked and dracula says some shit like " its doesnt have to hurt" and i almost tore my wrist open wiith my teeth because of how shitty this ending is.

Not lnly is it disrespectful to zoe but agatha, agathas whole thing was K I L I N G. dracula she wanted him fucking D E A D she woULDNT FUCK HKM

And like just after finding out that he can be in the sunlight with out fucking dying and that crosses just make him umcomfortable or some shit he just desides to kill himself??? DUDE YOU JUST FOUND OUT YOURE PROACTICALLY MORE INVINCABLE THAN YOU WERE BEFORE AND YOU JSUT FUCKING OFF YOUR SELF ??? HE COULD HAVE FUCKING RULED ENGLAD AND SPEAD VAMPIRISM OLL LVER THE FUCKING COUNTFY AND WORLD KF HE TRIED HARD ENOUGH AND HE KILLS HIMSELF BECAUSE THEY WANTED A STUPID SAPPY ENDING

anyway if anyone actually goes through the effort of reafing my god damn eS S A Y about Dracula that i finkshed typing (im not gonna bother editing tbh) at 4 fucking am. Then thank you and please get a life

[sarahdrewthat]

omg what were the boys like when you met them? and we will need a pt 2 when you meet them again plsss

OH MAH GOD HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS BITCH TF IM SORRY THIS IS LIKE A MONTH LATE BUT IM SEEING THE BOYS NEXT SUNDAY AND THIS TIME, ITS PLANNED BITCH

Okay so here’s what happened:

I was walking out of the station when it started snowing like crazy. My hair was curled and shit and I usually love snow, but the snow straightened my hair out by the time I walked down the block to the line. Girls heard clicking of heels and they started to scream wildly, but when they saw it was me, wearing shades, snowflakes in my curly chocolate locks, furry jacket and small backpack, and not the guys, they collectively went, “Oh.” (like, bitch, im still cool dont fucking OH me)

I don’t know how I didn’t start flipping out when I saw Clara standing at the front of the line (I was walking towards her to the back of the line of fans) and we gave each other a small smile and a mutual eye wink. Still not over my tía being the queen she is.

It wasn’t that far behind the line, I was behind about 35 people when I got to the back. Made some conversation with four beautiful girls: a mother with her daughter, and two friends. We stood there in the snow and cold for about 3-4 hours, I had to pee desperately, met @cieloxcnco (!!!!) and began to share stories, hype, and love for CNCO.

Bella ( @cieloxcnco) tapped me and motioned me to come closer to her, almost in a hush-hush manner. She whispered to me, “Girl, two of my friends are up in the front of the line and they sent me this thing that they took from inside where Sony gives you a chance to meet the guys.”

I stared at her and said, “I don’t believe it.” I really didn’t, out of the 100 girls there, what chances would we have of winning to meet the guys? Plus, my curled hair was already straightened out so I didn’t even look as good as I originally intended.

However, I was curious. “How do we get in?”

Bella explained, “Basically, we take a picture of two people on Snapchat, use Sony’s Snapchat filter, and tag them in our story.” I heavily doubted it but I gave it a shot anyways. “Alright, let’s do it, yo.”

We took like 4 pictures because Bella looked fly as fuck, and I looked cross-eyed (I thought the boys would see them, but turns out their management only does). The management and security guards (one of them was hella ratchet, but was such a chill dude, we called him Sinnabon) came around and gave us hot chocolate.

After they carded us, checked our bags, and slapped us with wrist bands, we walked inside the pop-up area, warming ourselves up and attempting to get to the front of the small stage. I peed first because a bitch was about to pop a cow, and as I got out, Bella ran up to me, gripping my arm with a deathly clutch and dragged me to the side.

“What’s wro--” I didn’t even finish my sentence when she flashed her phone in my face, showing a text from Sony on Snapchat, telling us something along the lines of “Congratulations Bella! You and your friend won a chance to meet the guys of CNCO! Screenshot this message and meet us at the front of the area at 7:15 pm.”

My jaw dropped as Bella pulled back her phone from my face, revealing her large widening smile. “Are you serious?” I choked out. She squealed and fanned her face, “I am in complete denial myself, but we gotta bounce.”

We made our way to the front, as we met five other girls sitting in the seats up front. There were three pairs of two, and one other girl who was a journalist for Sony, who was alone. We were all collectively freaking out and complimenting one another on how we each looked like we could be a possible girlfriend for the guys (i love this part of the fandom uwu)

The management came up to each one of us and asked to see our screenshotted message, and explained to us that there would be no autographs or selfies. Just hand one phone to Clara and she will take a photo of you and the boys. We were also told that we had to sign a waiver that allowed us to be on TV, since they were recording this event.

We all walked down the steps, past the stage and into the hallway to the back, where Clara came out herself and repeated the same instructions that the woman from Sony told us earlier. They each gave us a small contract to sign and then took our picture holding the contract.

Here’s the main stuff (sorry I had to explain how I got in otherwise you’d think I paid for this, when it was completely unplanned): 

Bella and I were the last pair of the three, with the Sony girl behind us, to meet the guys. However, the security guards were rushing girls in and out (I assume time there was very short) so when they motioned me to go in to the room to meet the guys, I was waiting for Bella to finish signing her waiver, so I stood there like an idiot in the doorway and this is what Mama Saffie saw:

I’m not lying. I caught a glimpse of Joel and Chris’s faces only. They looked like wax figures, meaning I did not comprehend how gorgeous they actually were in real life. Their skin was glowing and warm (I SHIT YOU NOT) and their lips were fat and soft, CHICAASSSS.

The room was set up like this: when you walk in, you see the guys seated like an L shaped bench, the entrance to the room being at the top of the ‘L’. I was supposed to see (logically and in order) Richard, Zabdiel, Erick, (and then the base of the ‘L’), Joel and Chris.

I assume the reason why I just did not see the other boys was because the back of a security guard was escorting the girls in front of us out of the room, thereby blocking the three boys, so all I saw walking into the room was Joel and Chris.

I was holding my jacket in my hands (mind you, it’s HUGE) and honestly, I should have tossed my shit to the side and crawled my ass over to hug them. I was so starstruck by their beauty that I just walked over to them, not extending my arms or anything (but shit I was holding a jacket fml). Joel didn’t do the same, and he had his hands in his pockets, shades on (BOY WTF LET ME SEE THE EYES THAT SEDUCED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE) and smiling softly.

I saw his eyebrows go up slightly when I wobbled over to him and gave a nervous, “Hiiii,” and he snaked an arm around my shoulders while bobbing his head up and down to eye my feet. 

“Oh, wow, you’re actually pretty tall, okay.” Joel said to (Name). NAH IM PLAYING YALL HE REALLY SAID THAT OKAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL)

i giggled slightly and gave a small, “Really?” because what the fuck am I supposed to say to that? “I know”??

Clara took Bella’s phone (she can tell you all about HER interaction with them which is so much more interesting than mine) and began to say, “Okay, three, two--” and before she said ‘one’, Joel tugged me closer to his chest/armpit, making my heart rate fly and my face a slight pink and giving me a giant whiff of his strong, musky cologne. I almost died in his arms, y’all, he wears a shit ton of cologne, like are you tRYING to get me pregnant?

When she flashed the picture, Joel slid his hand across my shoulder blades, unwinding his clutch from our hug and said, “Thanks for coming, thanks for being here,” or something like that.

READY FOR THIS SHIT: I said, “Haha, no thank you guys, you smell REALLY good, by the way.” (I know, someone call Homeland Security on me rn)

He gave his signature smile, he kinda broke his cool facade as he chuckled and Chris also giggled a little, so I touched his forearm and said, “Thank you so much for this opportuinity!” He goes, “Ay, gracías, amor, thank you.”

After that, I had a bunch of hoes jumping on me like, “DID YOU TELL JOEL THAT I LOVED HIM” “WHAT DID YOU SAY” “DID HE PROPOSE TO YOU” “CAN YOU SIGN MY SHIRT OMG YOURE SO COOL” I was like, Damn okay this new.

Needless to say, I winked at Zabdiel, Chris, and Erick throughout the whole time they performed and they did wink back (I know because I was head and shoulders above everyone else) and Zabdiel kept staring my way as he strung notes on his guitar.

So, that’s my story of unintentionally meeting CNCO. Next Sunday, I will do a pose with the guys that no other fan has done and I hope I go viral because of it lol. Not sure how much time I have before fucking managemnet starts pulling me off of the guys.

What do you guys think? Comment in my ask box or leave it in my notes. Besos!

[lindoig1]

Another Day in the Country    Day 18

We had a wonderful day today. Our driver arrived a bit earlier than planned so we were on our way by 9:50 for our drive to Bukhara, via Shakhrisabz, total distance between 4 and 5 hundred kilometres, I think. Our hotel had been really great too - a family homestay as much as a hotel. All very informal, people couldn’t do enough to help us, beautiful setting with big shade trees, just lovely.  And I loved the tapchans where we had breakfast.  I think I may have tried to describe them before I found a name for them.  They are raised carpeted platforms, often with a shady canopy, with cushions and often a table on which is spread an endless variety of food.  Not as comfortable as our recliners at home, but when in Samarkand, do as the Samarkandans do!  Or Bukhara or anywhere else in the East .

It was a truly spectacular trip: the best day of our trip so far we think. The first part was very mountainous with parts very steep and rocky and others less so put painted in a hundred shades of rich greens. There were little valleys running at all angles, all with small streams rushing to lower ground. Often there were quaint old farm houses, squeezed in between the trees, almost hidden from the road, secluded and often isolated from any visible neighbours. In the flatter areas there were large areas of land under cultivation, all being tilled, raked, planted, weeded, tended and harvested by hand. Many times we saw what appeared to be a family group of 6 or 8 out in the middle of a huge paddock, ‘ploughing’ it with hoes and spades, sometimes weeding by hand - a truly daunting job by our standards. Absolutely no mechanical assistance until we were well over halfway to Bukhara and then every second or third farm seemed to have a small tractor. Even then though, we only saw one small plough. The tractors seemed to be used exclusively for transport, hauling small wagons laden to the sky with fodder, firewood, produce for market and so on.

Along the road were many fake police cars. They looked somewhat real as you approached them, often with a cop standing beside them, but they are only a couple of inches thick. They are often illuminated at night and as a warning to motorists that the boys in blue are on the lookout for bad driving. Which brings me to roads. There are a variety of roads starting with the (sort of, maybe, possibly, moderately) good ones. Obviously, the best part of these roads is the crown so everyone hogs that part of the road, irrespective of which direction they are travelling. At 100kph, you are still bouncing around a bit and you have a stream of cars approaching at similar speeds, honking and flashing their lights in an endeavour not to have to yield their bit of the crown to you. Very scary and it beats me how they don’t have 1000 road kills every day. Then there are the not-so-good roads of which there are 3 types: the roads with potholes in the pavement, those with pavement between the potholes and those with potholes between the potholes. Interesting that most of the roads are really wide - 8-10 cars wide, so there are lots of choices as to where to drive. Everyone drives on the right side of the road in Asia except for the 90% that use the extreme left side until they have to move back to allow oncoming vehicles to pass. It is certainly an adventure, but our driver was excellent - none of us got killed yesterday. Fnigres coressed for tomorrow.

We had a couple of stops along the way to take photos at the most spectacular spots, including one with a bit of a market where we bought some dried apricots and dates as nibbles. It is of course Ramadan so our driver didn’t participate. We arrived at Shakhrisabz about 11:30 and our driver dropped us near the gate of the old partly-restored Citadel and told us he would wait for us at the other end of the complex. It was another huge area of gardens, slightly discreet fun parks and sideshows, a couple of mosques, a string of fancy hotels and of course the ruins of Timur’s Citadel and a really big statue of the big man himself. It was well over a kilometre to walk through the gardens, but it was pleasant with a few birds to try to see and some pleasant plantings - and a scattering of people all wanting to say hello and have their photos taken with the foreigners. Maybe we should start charging for all the photos? It is not an issue, but it seems odd to us that anyone would want to be photographed with us.

Everyone has a job here. I saw three women ‘mowing’ quite a large patch of lawn with hand shears. Every square inch of the towns seems to be under the head of a besom at least daily, wielded mainly by older women. There are quite a lot of litter pickers and everything is spotless - even the railings, plant- pots, and street furniture is scrubbed or wiped down regularly. I can’t imagine any need for the dole here. A lesson for Oz?

At the end of our walk, our driver pointed us to a nearby restaurant for lunch.

He said it was 5-star and we were the only ones there for a while and we thought it might cost us a bomb, but we had an excellent meal with all the extras for under $A12! A big tourist group arrived halfway through our meal so it was good that we got our orders in before them. Talking about food, I meant to mention our breakfasts at the hotel in the last 2 days. You arrive to find 16 dishes of various goodies waiting on the table and a little old lady cook buzzing around taking orders for cooked meals and drinks. There are several different salads, fruits, pastries, breads, yoghurt, you name it and the offer of more if you are dissatisfied with the variety. Amazing, and amazingly scrumptious.

After lunch, it was off to Bukhara, much of the afternoon through Aussie-looking desert - we felt quite at home. We passed some massive natural gas plants and our driver told us that it all gets piped to Russia where some is used, but most is exported to bolster the rouble with precious little coming back to Uzbekistan.

It was a wonderful day, quite relaxing, lots of interesting and very beautiful things to see and being so much closer to the ordinary country folk, we saw a lot more about how they lived. For example, I was fascinated by the thatched rooves and others made of corrugated iron or asbestos all held in place by big rocks instead of nails. We saw both cultivation and pastoral pursuits up close - cattle, sheep, goats, horses and camel farms (both types) - even stopped for photos. A lot of Uzbeks simply stand on the side of the road with their bundles waiting for some kind person to stop and offer them a ride to town or the market - the Uzbek version of hitchhiking and apparently very normal. (I later found out that anyone with a vehicle can provide a taxi service – and we have used this ourselves too – you just hold your hand out until someone stops, negotiate an absurdly low fare and jump in.  If the price is not right or your destination conflicts with the objectives of the other passengers, the driver simply drives off and you wait a couple of minutes until someone else stops who is happier with your offer.) It is apparently entirely safe and is the main way people get around – and it provides a good supplementary income for many of the drivers who may take 3 or 4 passengers to different destinations in one trip.  Another common thing in rural areas is the practice of mainly women and children standing beside their gates gossiping and watching the world go by. I’m sure it is a hard life for most people, but a much slower pace and from all indications pretty safe.

Bukhara seems quite a big city, but my guide the next day said it has a population of only 350,000. Our hotel is in the very centre of the old city and is quite comfortable, but it was a loooong walk with all our baggage from the nearest place the car could get to the hotel Reception area up an alley. But we are settled in and comfortable. One interesting thing is that there are no tea/coffee making facilities or minibars in Central Asia - although they are pretty good at providing them if you ask. But there are always two bottles of water and it is quite cheap to buy more.

[bookishplays-blog]

TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THE HELL HOILDAY LAST YEAR

OH MY FUCK OK SO

this is related to the post i made abt the music association thing and the Hell Holiday is basically the reason i cant listen to mix tape anymore i swear to god this fucking holiday made me lose years off my life expectancy-

backstory: i went on a school trip to france prior to the hell holiday. i was the only responsible kid on said trip and saved all my money so when we were on the way back home i was deadass the only kid who had more than £10 left for food. anyway, this one girl who hung around with us had no money left so i bought her food and a drink and she was so grateful she told her parents who invited me to go to this adventure park place with them in the summer. me, being a broke ass bitch who, at this time, didn’t mind said girl and had ALWAYS wanted to visit said adventure park, said yes and packed to go.

from the start, it was a fucking shitshow. i stayed with this girl for approximately six days, three of which were in the adventure park, three at her house. the first day, we went to the cinema, where she proceeded to ignore me, speak over me and yell at me the whole day. her parents were strict to the point where we were sent to bed at eight o'clock. DURING SCHOOL HOLIDAYS. the second day went no better, with me getting my period, her being overly snide and dismissive, refusing to talk to me, taking complete control over everything, not packing for the trip and then yelling at me, confiscating MY headphones when i listened to music. but i figured, hey, she’s probably just antsy bc she’s bored.

BOY WAS I WRONG

on the car journey to the adventure park, she refused to talk to me. WE WERE IN THE CAR FOR TWO HOURS AND SHE SPOKE TO ME NOT ONCE. TO THE POINT WHERE EVEN HER PARENTS COMMENTED ON IT. and just when we FINALLY arrived, she dragged me straight off to go swimming.

as i mentioned, i was on my period. i bleed extremely heavily, and although i won’t give out my age, i’m a fairly young teen. this was the first time i’d ever used a tampon. repeat. I WAS YOUNG, ALONE, UNFAMILIAR WITH MY SURROUNDINGS AND JUST LEFT TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE A TAMPON WITH ZERO SYMPATHY AND AN ORDER TO HURRY UP. being so inexperienced, i did it wrong, so i had to leave after half an hour to redo it. except i found out they locked my back in their locker, which would’ve been fine except i was bleeding everywhere and locked in a toilet cubicle?? anyway the girl eventually found me, yelled at me, got my bag and yelled at me when i went back out to the pool.

this got no better throughout the day. we were given bikes to get around with, and her parent SPECIFICALLY ASKED ME TO LEAD HER SINCE I WAS MORE EXPERIENCED WITH ROAD CYCLING. the MOMENT this bitch’s parents were gone, she yelled at me and forced me to go behind her, which would’ve been fine except this hoe was in high school and could barely ride a bike, so we spent half an hour on a ten minute ride because of how much she stopped and started. one time, she stopped and started so rapidly that i accidentally rammed into her. she screamed at me despite me apologising profusely, checking her over and offering to go ahead so it wouldnt happen again. (spoiler; she said no)

you know how i said i was on my period? this is VERY important. i’d like to stress through the whole holiday that this girl was rude to me whenever i was in pain or tired or lethargic, all things to do with being on my period. evenings were spent with her ignoring and yelling at me, then complaining that i was too quiet and rude. she did a bunch of other nasty shit to me, which i’ll elaborate on later, including the part where she abandoned me in a forest.

now, i was visibly upset, and her parents were genuinely so sweet to me. they made an effort to include me, to buy me drinks and to hold a conversation with me. her parents were the best part of that fucking holiday, even if they did make us go to bed at eight o'clock.

the night of the first day wasnt that bad, apart from a few awkward conversations about phone charging arrangements. but overall, i woke up feeling like maybe it wouldnt be so bad. BOY WAS I WRONG. this was when i was at the peak of my instagram friendships, and i had two best friends, people i’ll call Tara and Anya (not their real names). tara and anya were the reason i survived that fucking holiday i stg when this bitch made me cry (which was often) they were always there. THEY ARE VERY IMPORTANT LATER IN THIS STORY.

next day, still on my period, things went a tad better. me and the girl did archery - a disaster, by the way, with her mocking me and calling me names - and we went swimming again, which went marginally better. unfortunately, evening activities were fucking SHIT. this bitch screamed at me for having a period and taking painkillers, telling me i could just stop if i wanted to, then bagsied the first shower home despite the fact i was bleeding and had a tampon that i needed to change. our room had the only shower and there was no fucking way i was going to use her parents’ bathroom (besides, she locked me out of our room so i couldnt get fresh tampons anyway). i ended up removing my tampon very quickly (and since i actually inserted it properly this time, it hurt like a bitch and i cried).

however, wifh zero access to the room with all my period products i had to sit in a pool of my own blood, practically crying, for ten to twenty minutes while she showered. i repeat. I, A SCARED YOUNG TEEN IN AN UNFAMILIAR SETTING, HAD TO SIT IN A POOL OF MY OWN BLOOD BECAUSE THE GIRL I WAS STAYING WITH WOULDNT LET ME USE THE BATHROOM FIRST. and when i did finally get to use the bathroom, she made snarky comments when i took sanitary products with me.

evening entertainment was a shitshow. she ignored me, took my money, ignored me some more and then mocked me for calling my mum. i ended up faking sleep early just so i didnt have to listen to her. and yet that was one of the better days.

THE NEXT DAY, I GOT LOCKED OUT OF THEIR FUCKING CABIN.

we decided to race to this beach area before meeting at the fencing complex. unfortunately, i had never been to this park before, as i said, so i got hopelessly lost. i decided to cycle to the main metro area in the park because thats where fencing was. i hoped they’d meet me there. they didn’t. i’d left my phone inside. i cycled there and back to the cabin at least four times looking for them and crying before eventually giving up and sitting outside the cabin, where a cleaner ended up taking pity on me and letting me in. i proceeded to run indoors and cry for a straight half hour, while my friends tried to console me.

i was inundated with angry texts. her only response when i told her what happened was “you wasted fencing.” as a poor girl who had always wanted to try fencing, this made me even more upset.

we did end up going to the beach place after they returned, but the girl made me row her everywhere and complained when i asked to swap. we went swimming again, and i was so cramped up that i swam for maybe half an hour before getting out and sitting on the poolside, reading and talking to my friends. this girl, whose parents had told me explicitly that i could sit by myself if i didnt want to swim, screamed at me for wasting the water. i cried again.

now we get to the part where she FUCKING ABANDONED ME IN THE WOODS.

i went back to the cabin early, and her parents decided to show us a clubhouse area. they left straight afterwards, leaving us to our own devices. we messed around a bit, and then she said to me, and i quote,“stop following me.”i didnt know the area, where to go, or what was available to do. so i sat down and texted tara and anya, who made me laugh. until this girl fucking upped and left, not before calling me slow and stupid, and left me. alone. in the woods by myself with nobody there.

I WAS LEFT IN THE FUCKING WOODS ALONE AT SEVEN O CLOCK AT NIGHT.

luckily, my gay ass remembered the way back because there were some pretty distinctive paths and bushes on the way there, so i returned safely. her parents asked me where she was, and i lied and said we decided to split up.

she didnt come back after half an hour, so her dad borrowed mg bike and found her. she then said I left HER and then pretended to be sick and ignored me all night. (in case ur wondering how i knew her bitch ass was faking, she was perfectly fine after dinner.)

the final day, the day of leaving, we walked around a bit, and i spoke mostly to her mum. i had a pounding headache, and she took notice and dragged us inside in the shade. her parents truly were blessings, as i said. the hoe ignored me, per usual, screamed at me, per usual, and at breakfast after she made me very uncomfortable and asked very personal questions about my financial situation. when we FINALLY left, she called me ungrateful for reading on my phone and staying inside when she went to get snacks. when we got back to her place, she totally ignored me and went outside, leaving me alone to wait for my dad to pick me up.

when i left, she didnt even say goodbye, despite me getting her attention many times.

in other words, that holiday has made me distrust her completely to the point where when i was asked if i’d be okay sharing a room with her on another trip after, i flat out said no and chose the only other people (homophobes who all ignored me) to share with instead.

on the bright side, that holiday made me talk to my friends so much that i ended up becoming super close with my current squad, so theres that.

[feministfatal206-blog]

Top 5 Podcasts: My Audio Fam

I've been a podcast addict since I was around 15. I don't have a TV and really enjoy multitasking, so podcasts have become my primary source of entertainment, news and opinion. I love how much easier it is to be independent as a podcaster. I love that it is still a new form of media where people have room to play and carve out their own space and style. The following are the top five podcasts I would recommend to anyone looking to get into this platform or people like me - who listen to new episodes of their favorites as soon as they come out and need more audio fodder!

  I only recently got into the Inner Hoe Uprising after one of my favorite neighbors at the farmer's markets gave it rave reviews. But now I'm in at least 15 hours deep and this podcast stands out for having a really slick format that guarantees long episodes that are high quality the whole way through. The main host, Sam, rotates the other three hosts in every week with a party cast at the end of the month where everybody gets together. They have really funny, thought provoking segments that get you super invested in their lives and feeling like you are really a part of their conversations on sex, love, dating, politics, and whatever else comes up. They also have really fascinating guests on for the second half. If you're cleaning your house or driving to work and want to feel like you're chillin with a super rad girl gang, this is for you!

Motivation station. If I'm ever having a day where I feel like I don't know where to start on my to-do list or like I'm not getting anywhere on my projects, I'll browse through the Myleik Teele podcast archives till I find the right episode to tell me what I already know but need to hear: get organized and get going. Myliek used to do PR in the music industry and then started CurlBox, a wildly successful subscription service for women with curly hair, bringing an elevated and affordable sampling experience to women of color. As an anti-capitalist individual I didn't think I could get super into this one but she has a serious wisdom that goes way beyond business, often reiterates that success is only defined by your happiness, and has really great advice on dating, staying self-disciplined, dealing with professional and personal relationships gracefully, etc. If you need a kick in the ass this one is for you.

Dear Sugars has been in my life for a few years now. Originally, Steve Almond, a writer who I had never heard of but since read his books (fantastic), had an advice column in an online magazine pretending to give advice from the perspective of a middle aged woman. Cheryl Strayed (author of Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things) was the only person who ever wrote him a fan letter and he asked her if she could take over the column. The column blew up under her TLC and now they have a podcast where the both of them answer questions from readers on just about any difficult, heart wrenching topic you can imagine. They often have excellent guests (Oprah!) and release correction episodes when they believe they didn't address a question as well as they could the first time. I think this podcast is pretty much for everyone.

The Get just came back after a little hiatus and I couldn't be more hyped. This show is hosted by Ivy, a Nigerian immigrant and Rhiana, a Chicago Southsider, who met at Yale and get together to talk about current events and issues with a chemistry that is hilarious and profound. They bring really well-educated outsider political opinions into national conversations that would otherwise be a depressing buzz in the background of my mind. Their motto is Smart. Snark. Shade. and they will literally have you busting up on the floor of your kitchen while you do the dishes.

Dan Carlin has two podcasts, Hardcore History and Common Sense. I'm going to group them together because I consider them to be two branches from one of my favorite audio hosts. Hardcore History was one of the first shows to get my hooked on audio. He takes moments in history and researches them for usually six months at a time with an academic rigor fitting a real historian (although he insists he is only a fan of history) and then draws on his background in journalism to weave what he finds into an incredible compelling story of human kind. If you like history, you will LOVE this show. If you don't like history, I am willing to bet you will realize it's just because it has never been presented like this. One of my favorite things about Dan is he tells the listener when he isn't sure of something, or when historians differ, and traces the battles between historians like hot gossip. His political show, Common Sense, is the most nonpartisan political show I have ever heard. He looks at current issues with depth and clarity and actually tries to bridge the gaps between opinions and look for the core problems. I can listen to this podcast with my conservative Dad, I can listen to this podcast with my anarchist boyfriend or apolitical little siblings, it's great for provoking discussions with yourself and other people.

Honorable Mentions!

Ugh, designing podcasts logos is the best. Unfortunately I haven't listened to as many of their shows as I would like because they're only on Soundcloud that I know of (check it out here!) but they have a great dynamic with topics similiar to Inner Hoe Uprising, chatting about NYC politics, racism, sexism- anything that's weighing them down with humor and wit. Also they paid me good money to do their logo so shout out to Estaphanie and Rafaela for supporting a broke artist!! Forever in my heart.

I also wanted to mention the BBC Radio 3 Arts & Ideas program, which I have been listening to since high school. They have various programs and about 3 or 4 main presenters, these days with all my other good podcasts I only listen to the Arts & Ideas episodes with guests I know or the shows presented by Philip Dodd. For an older, white British gentleman I think he does a great job as an interviewer, he has an almost encyclopedic knowledge of philosophy, literature, and the arts in general and always manages to ask interesting and often hard questions, plays devil's advocate expertly but only when it benefits the audience, and occasionally verbally backhands annoying and pretentious guests which is hilarious and satisfying when I feel most mainstream media interviews are so played out and lukewarm.