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osmpalliumduo · 4 years ago

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Dream smp actor au my beloved

First season

Dream is a very famous actor, his movies got recognition very quickly regardless of being a pretty new actor, the most popular out of all of his movies being “Manhunt” an action movie that has a lot of improv and fighting scenes

After his second movie of Manhunt he decided that along side with some of his close friends and co-workers to start a tv-show called the Dream smp

It took a really long while to get all the actors for the first season, a lot of planning and getting people to work on sets and props

Some of the actors Dream got to participate were his close friends Sapnap and George who were in the cast of his last movies “Manhunt”

Tommyinnit was a kid Dream found in a small community of actors called “Hypixel: Sky Block series” he went ahead and literally snatched him from that serie and added him as one of the main leads of the storyline of his serie

Tubbo was kind of a addition out of the blue, Tommy after joining the cast decided to take Tubbo with him, a fellow friend and co-worker in the Hypixel series. Dream didn’t had a problem with it after realizing that both kids were insanely talented

Wilbur was, in Dream’s words, the best addition to the cast he could had ever imagined, Wilbur had been in the past in several other popular shows like “SMP Live” and “SMP Earth”

Wilbur not only did an excellent work as an actor but also added so much into the story, helping Dream several times with the storyline and script, eventually becoming a co-writer of the script over all season one

Making the serie itself was hard, but getting everything together and editing was a whole lot of work

But the most difficult thing was actually acting, the thing was that the whole cast of the serie got along so well, that when it was the time to actually act, getting in character was kinda impossible

Even for Dream was difficult to get in character

The whole war declaration took at least five shots because Dream kept breaking character or Sapnap kept wheezing

Eret’s betrayal was one of the last scenes to be recorded because it was just really really hard for the cast to actually act hurt or not joke between lines

The Tommy vs Dream duel was so funny to the cast, even more when Tommy was done with makeup and he literally had an arrow inserted in his stomach

So many memes, so many

The L’manberg era was one of the most difficult to act and write, the cast being new and not used to the whole atmosphere

But when the election and pogtopia era hit in, it was much more easy for the actors to take everything much more serious

Jschlatt and Technoblade were added to the cast and it was insane for everyone, both actors being really close friends of Wilbur because of their old projects together (SMP Live, SMP Earth, etc)

The election arc was, described by the whole cast, as one of the best parts of the whole season

Quackity would pull this insane improvs moments between shots and everyone would just have to run with it, getting a lot of extra but very cool scenes

Tommy and Tubbo would just pull the strangest faces in shots whenever they knew that the camara focus wasn’t in them just to try to make each other laugh

Niki and Awesamdude would sneak food into the set all the time, bags of chips, coffee, chocolate, sometimes even cake

Wilbur, Schlatt and Quackity had this whole competition between them where they would literally live inside the set and whoever stayed the longest would win 100 dlls

The pogtopia era was more easy to record, but much harder to act

Wilbur had lots of trouble being actually mean to Tommy and overall acting as an antagonist

When recording sometimes he would just stop and ask Tommy if he was okay and make sure to let all of the cast know he didn’t meant what he was saying

Tubbo Schlatt and Quackity had overall a very good time recording, most of the time laughing after hard scenes and joking around

Not Schlatt and Techno collectively suffering cus they got at least three hours of makeup prep because of tusks and horns 😭✋

The pogtopia set was one of the hardest to archive, this one having legit stares and buttons on the walls

Tubbo and Wilbur fell down those stares at least five times, Techno almost convinced Dream to use a harness on set

Technoblade revealing the vault full of weapons and stuff for the revolution was such a difficult scene to make because everyone kept messing around with the cool props

Schlatts death was easy to act, as soon as he died he made a peace sign and screamed “I’m outta here!” And proceed to walk out of the set😐

Moving on, Philza’s addition to the last episode of the season was something most of the cast wasn’t aware of, most of the reactions (besides Philza and Wilbur) being completely genuine

Philza is known for his famous serie called Hardcore and a couple of appearances on others people’s series

The end of the season was something hard to do, people had to use harnesses and when explosions occurred they had to be literally thrown into the air getting a lot of genuine screams

Tommy was supposed to be the president of L’manberg but he decided to pass the power to Tubbo in a moment of improv, Dream and Wilbur liked that scene a whole lots

The cast made Wilbur a funeral party after the last shot, lot of people got drunk while Phil just took care of the minors and made sure they didn’t get in trouble <3

Second season

The second season was something that all the fandom awaited eagerly, wanting to see what had happened with L’manberg and the beloved characters, so Dream and Wilbur made sure to make everything perfect, everything connecting points on the story

Ranboo was one of the new additions, a new actor that worked on his own going from place to place, the well known place like Hypixel, Bedwars (Invited by Purpled) and in his own side of TikTok

Dream found out about him and decided to add him just on a go, he of course wasn’t ready for the big impact the boy would have in the story at all

Now, Ranboo is one in the suffering gang, every morning having to spend hours in makeup along side with Tubbo (horns) Wilbur (ghost) and Tommy (exile appearance)

By the way, Ranboo’s storyline was supposed to be separated from the whole L’manberg and Exile story, but Tommy and Tubbo liked him a lot so decided to add him on their storylines

Tommy was supposed to burn down George’s house alone, but the same day they were recording he asked Dream to add Ranboo. And Tubbo decided to make Ranboo his minutes man out of the blue with simple improv and Ranboo went along with it

Oh, talking about Exile

If the cast thought Pogtopia had been hard to act??? Wait for the Exile arc

Literal pain, for literally everyone involved

Tommy is a lil shit but it was legitimately difficult for Dream to be actually that villain and manipulate and ahg, pain

Tubbo and Tommy had so much trouble recording the whole fight scene at the wall, it took at least three days to get the shot right because Tommy and Tubbo couldn’t stop breaking character or laughing

Oh yeah, it was difficult to this kids to stay away from each other, they were so used to working together that it was legitimately difficult to not be together

Which caused for Tommy and Tubbo to sneak into eachother sets and try to chat and just vibe together which would end up with Ranboo dragging Tommy away from Tubbos set and Quackity doing as well with Tubbo

New L’manberg was nice to record, Tubbo tells when he is asked about it, it was a really nice change for the dynamics, including Ranboo and Fundy more, tho he missed Tommy dearly during the recordings

At the very end of exile, one of the last shots, most exactly when Dream has to blow up Tommys stuff, he accidentally tripped with one of the props and ended up breaking a leg

The recording went straight to Twitter where people lost their shit over the scene, mostly because Dream tried to continue the scene with improv but Tommy lost his shit and they had to take the whole shot again after Dream got checked up

Technos execution was planned to happen really early in the season but Techno kept forgetting that he had to get on set so they had to move it slightly at the end, the end of exile and the execution hitting at the same time

The butcher army cast had the idea of the bloody aprons, Dream had this whole thing were they would have this really cool uniforms but they just went “nah, bloody aprons”

Ranboo was supposed to have one as well but he tried to use his character’s morals to get out of it, he succeeded, no bloody apron for Ranboo :)

The whole execution scene at Technos house was so funny to record, things without effects are extremely hilarious

Quackity kept messing up his lines, Tubbo kept falling and tripping when he had to run, Ranboo just didn’t knew what to do, Fundy kept blocking “hits” that he was supposed to take

Techno just wanted to be finished already, he was so tired 🥲

Moving on, the whole death scene where Techno uses the totem of undying was mostly made with editing, the anvil was a green square made out of foam, and the totem was just a green stick

Really funny without effects, really badass after editing

Moving on! Tommy living in a hole was literally not planned, Tommy was supposed to try and hide inside Technos room but he said fuck that and made the team make another entire set for something that would last tops a week 😐

Techno and Tommy had a blast doing the whole “Welcome Home Theseus”. The scene was taken perfectly the first shot because the both of them were so excited for that scene

Finally Tommy can leave the suffering makeup gang cuz his character is healthier now 😌✌️Techno is now taking his place suffering in makeup prep because of his scars and tusks

The day of the Festival was so important to the storyline so everyone was extremely nervous before recording, but it was okay, the whole episode came out really well

Tommy and Techno had to use green capes between the invisible shots and it was just hilarious for everyone on set

Tubbo accidentally forgot his speech and had to improvise in front of all the crew

Dream fell at least twice when he was “building” the walls around L’manberg again

Tubbo and Tommy kept laughing or apologizing to eachother while in the fighting scene

Tubbo accidentally slipped and the disc Mellohi accidentally broke when he was about to give it to Dream 😬

The whole Doomsday deal was something really really hard

A lot of what happened was made with editing so most of what happened on set was just green screens and sounds out of computers to let the actors know what was happening

Technos dogs were actually from a fan! This fan had this whole adoption establishment and decided to let the cast use em for the recording! They even got a tour :)

Technos and Tommy’s whole exchange during doomsday is supposed to be heartbreaking and sad to watch, but Techno and Tommy have such a good relationship that they just, kept laughing, Tommy kept making faces and Techno’s voice wasn’t genuine while saying his lines

Ghostbur’s exchange with Phil almost didnt happened because Wilbur kept refusing to spend five hours in makeup prep lmfao

The whole cast did sang the L’manberg anthem after it was blown up, even Dream and Techno. The clip of the cast just singing will forever stay in Twitter

The aftermath of doomsday was a good change of things, much more calm recording sessions for at least a few weeks

Snowchester was something that Tubbo came up with as pure improv, he liked the idea of some kind of retirement place so he decided to add it after doomsday

Ranboo moving in with Phil and Techno was complete improv as well from Phil’s and Techno’s part, Ranboo literally had no idea what was happening when Phil invited him to live with em

Ranboo literally got snatched lmao

Endgame or the final disk war was surely something

The prop team had to make bout four new sets in the matter of a week, the most hard one to make being the mountain one

Tommy and Tubbo knew that the whole episode would be hard to record but they were still extremely hyped just because they got to record together again as besties

Makeup time at the end was about eight hours, Tommy suffered a lot while Tubbo was just used to it at this point

THE WHOLE PRISON SCENE WHERE ALL THE SERVER GOES THROUGH THE PORTAL??? PAIN.

Everyone is lost, no one knows when to cross, people are missing armor, no one knows where the fuck George is, Punz keeps breaking his sword accidentally, everything is falling apart

Quackity wanted to play a prank on the cast by appearing shirtless in the super intense scene but everyone was so tired of recording that Quackity was actually shirtless in the final shot

Dream stayed in his obsidian box at least half an hour because Tommy kept messing up his lines

At the end of the season, where Dream is finally taken to prison Wilbur makes his appearance to Tubbos and Tommys surprise

Their reactions were genuine because only Dream and Wilbur knew that part of the script

Overall, the end of the season was amazing and the fandom went insane with it

Extra stuff <3

Nobody knows if Skeppy and Bad are actually dating or not, it is a mystery for everyone

Most of the pets used in set were borrowed from fans :)

The Drista saga are used as comedic relief or filler episodes, Drista being actually Dream’s lil sister who insisted in wanting to appear in the show as a god

Michael is actually Technos little brother who went to the set a couple of times cus Techno was babysitting him. He made his way into some of Ranboos and Tubbos shots, after that they decided to adopt him and make Michael canon just cus they liked the kid a lot

Dream decided to give Karl the chance to have a spin off of the show called Tales of the smp after realizing his talent at storytelling. Karl had the possibility to get new actors for the serie but he decided to use the same cast and just make them act differently, the fandom loved it

Wilbur and Tommy had this cool idea between them and after a while of writing and planning they decided to start their own show called the “Origins SMP” featuring some of their friends from other shows, not only the Dream smp

[thanks for reading lol, I think I got slightly carried away]

#dream smp actors au #dream smp au #mcytbr #mcyt #tubbo #tommyinnit #dreamsmp #ranboo #dream #technoblade #wilbur soot #ghost writes #clingy duo #allium duo #tales from the smp

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ellzblue · 3 years ago

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Muse Associations tag game,,, i went overboard and did four. oops. thank youuu @nemo-my-name-forevermore :))))

Bonnie

SEASONING: Paprika, she just burns no matter how much or little you add.

WEATHER: The below freezing winter day, where the air hurts your lungs and makes you cry but you can't cry cause then your tears will freeze. That cold, dead winter day that reminds you how much you miss the summer, that is Bonnie.

COLOR: Navy, Gold and Off-White.

SKY: The pitch black winter sky with seldom any stars lighting it and the moon still too low in the sky at 4pm.

MAGICAL POWER: Perfect accuracy. Shes close now but why not make it magical.

HOUSE PLANT: Those spindly ones that don't require anything but somehow thrive. She's a gremlin that doesn't need much and looks like a mess.

WEAPON: Her giant ass old gun. She likes range and to bludgeon.

SUBJECT: Geography, she's well traveled, likes cartography and can sing the Animaniac's Country song. Just to annoy others.

SOCIAL MEDIA: She doesn't have any, get all her updates from post shared with her. If she had to have on though, probably Facebook cause she's secretly an old lady.

MAKEUP PRODUCT: A brow pencil since I can never decide what her actual eyebrow shape is.

CANDY: Jawbreaker.

FEAR: She has none. lol jk, hardass's fear is losing her fam.

ICE CUBE SHAPE: Crushed. Monch, cronch

METHOD OF LONG-DISTANCE TRAVEL: Boat or ship. Most her contracts are sea travel based now and she's gotten accustom to the ocean. Earned her sea legs if you will. Also if the crew annoys her she shoves them overboard and chances of them getting back on? slim. Don't get that with a car.

ART STYLE: Old american traditional sailor tattoos. shes stark, hard and rare deviates from what shes good at.

MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE:

PIECE OF STATIONERY: A dirty Bic Pen you find on the side walk.

THREE EMOJIS: She refuses to use emojis.

CELESTIAL BODY: Northern star. A marker for those lost and goddam is she lost most the time.

Jae

SEASONING: Cumin, down to earth, versatile and taste like literal dirt if you add too much.

WEATHER: That disgustingly hot humid summer day that makes you regret life. Like the air is thiccc. There's no escaping the heat or this dumbass.

COLOR: Green, Red and Black. All on the desaturated side.

SKY: Cloudless afternoon.

MAGICAL POWER: Immortality. He just won't die or stay dead.

HOUSE PLANT: A succulent you forgot you bought and thought maybe it was fake but no turns out its alive and somehow thriving with your minimal care but dies immediately once you realize this and actually tend to it. Oddly specific i know. Not from experience or anything....

WEAPON: Bombs, seals and blades. Mostly seals. He usually doesn't want to hurt the critter or evil magical creature.

SUBJECT: Studying the animals and magical critters.

SOCIAL MEDIA: Tiktok, he'd do the stupid ass dances and trends. Also Twitter cause he has a lot of thoughts.

MAKEUP PRODUCT: 2008 NOT waterproof liner and mascara, he wants it to bleed.

CANDY: Starburst or skittles or anything that is straight sugar and rots your teeth.

FEAR: vulnerability? rejection? taxes? one of those.

ICE CUBE SHAPE: The long one you can fit in a water bottle. Has its uses but will also deep throat choke you if not careful.

METHOD OF LONG-DISTANCE TRAVEL: He likes bus or train. Mainly so he can nap and not worry about getting there. Planes are too cramped and require so much prepping ew. Dirty greyhound at 3am is so much better...

ART STYLE: Jackson Pollock spatters. Chaotic but a vibe.

MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE:

PIECE OF STATIONERY: That dirty Bic Pen you found on the sidewalk but also has a bunch of teethmarks on it.

THREE EMOJIS: 👀🍆😩 i hate him too.

CELESTIAL BODY: Venus, its small, volatile, goes by the beat of its own drum and also green.

Kasimir

SEASONING: Mint. Comes across as sweet and you think you like it but definitely can be overwhelming and too much and damn girl can u not?

WEATHER: First semi warm day of spring, where its still a little chilly but the sun is finally out and you're just ready to embrace it.

COLOR: Pink, Mint and Lavender, honestly just pastels.

SKY: That pale pink right before sunrise, its not as overpowering as the sunset but still stops you. Probs cause you stayed up too late or its too damn early.

MAGICAL POWER: Telekinesis, they can read minds but are like polite about it.

HOUSE PLANT: Orchid, requires so much maintenance but incredibly pretty. Is it worth it? some argue no.

WEAPON: They don't really use...weapons? They chomp? Does that count. Teeth?

SUBJECT: Etiquette or Business. Either way they need to be bullied.

SOCIAL MEDIA: Instagram. What a thot.

MAKEUP PRODUCT: Concealer, don't feel....er

CANDY: Chocolate covered cherries. You think youre getting a sophisticated treat but nah bitch, its overly sweet and syrupy and a hot mess to eat.

FEAR: Losing autonomy.

ICE CUBE SHAPE: Spheres. Its spherical, like the whisky balls. Classy but also like hilarious when idiots drink too quick and it smacks them in the face. theyre fun i highly recommend everyone get a mold.

METHOD OF LONG-DISTANCE TRAVEL: Planes. They like watching Charlotte play her game and sharing headphones. Even if the concept of Terraforming in Animal Crossing confuses them. Overnight flights just have that heavy ambiance of silence but so much white noise.

ART STYLE: Rococo painting. we get it theres enough details you can stop...

MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE:

PIECE OF STATIONERY: Fancy quill pens on thick nice paper...and hello kitty stickers all over.

THREE EMOJIS: 😬🥺🥹 god i hate them too.

CELESTIAL BODY: Pluto. Doing their mf best okay?

Charlotte

SEASONING: Rosemary. Not for everything but definitely has a home holiday feeling about it.

WEATHER: The last warm days of Autumn, where the days are bright and sunny and warm making you think this great weather will never succumb to winter.

COLOR: Neon Purple, Blue and Magenta.

SKY: The shade of blue right before the sunrises, the blue hour of light opposite of golden hour, just before the sun breaks the horizon. The telltale sign yo ass needs to get to bed asap.

MAGICAL POWER: Invisibility. She already feels kinda invisible so might as well make it magical.

HOUSE PLANT: A flowering cactus. All she needs is a little attention and she'll bloom.

WEAPON: Charlottes not confrontational, so no weapons. But in games she is a fan of range fighters so theres that.

SUBJECT: she likes the soft sciences like psychology and sociology. stuff that relates to her and lets her help others.

SOCIAL MEDIA: Twitch,,, she's a streamer yo.

MAKEUP PRODUCT: Liquid liner. Its light enough that she doesn't feel it.

CANDY: Sour Gummy worms.

FEAR: She's terrified of putting herself out there and accomplishing nothing or being written off. She got that real bad social anx.

ICE CUBE SHAPE: Ice bad. No cold.

METHOD OF LONG-DISTANCE TRAVEL: Plane rides. She likes snuggling up in the seat, putting her knees against the chair in front of her and sharing headphones. Rip to that person ahead of her.

ART STYLE: 1980 and 1990s patterns, you know the designs you see in skating rinks and most bowling alleys.

MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE:

PIECE OF STATIONERY: Glitter gel pens on taco bell napkins.

THREE EMOJIS: 🎮🙅‍♀️😺

CELESTIAL BODY: Probably a Jupiter moon. She's small, super small, compliments those around her and has an air of mystery surrounding her being mute and all.

taggin: well anikin and mazi are already tagged. i expect those twinks and rascals of yalls soon enough.

#ocs #personal probs

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panharmonium · 4 years ago

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you can be my ride or die: a staggeringly long essay about a deceptively short appearance

(aka, pan’s personal depository of notes about prince william of ealdor.)

now that my fic is long since done and posted, i can finally transfer this monster piece of meta out of my google docs and onto my blog, where it can serve as an unasked-for, absurdly detailed, beginning-to-end analysis of my obscure fave.

(whose line ‘yeah, and i’m prince william, of ealdor’ is still the funniest damn shit i’ve ever heard and also the most shocking burn arthur has ever received; i hope he thinks of it sometimes and remembers that humility is a virtue)

(the BRISTLING DISRESPECT! the ZERO FUCKS GIVEN! i love him! please can someone else talk to arthur like this! he needs it!)

disclaimer before we begin: i wrote this over a year ago, as a character check for myself during the very early stages of working on my fic. i kept messily adding bits to it over the course of a couple weeks as i explored what i knew about this character and who i understood him to be, but at the time, i didn’t intend on posting it; it was just prep work for my own story-making. it’s still essentially just a record of my train of thought as i pieced this character together - i’ve cleaned it up a bit now and added some recent links to make it more coherent, but it was never meant to be a posted essay, just a collection of notes for myself.

be forewarned, it is more comprehensive than the things i’ve written about this character since, and it goes on for years. if you are not interested in many, many pages of super heavy in-depth musings about a character who appeared in one episode, now is the time to scroll on by. i promise i won’t mind in the slightest; i wrote this for my own purposes and don’t really expect people to read it - i’m posting it just to have it archived with the rest of my merlin stuff.

if you are interested in that sort of thing, however - hit the jump, and off we go!

i really love the episode where we meet will, though i’ve started to love it for new reasons since the first time i watched it.

the first time i watched season 1, 'the moment of truth’ was my favorite S1 episode overall, because it was the first time the Fab Four went off on an adventure together, and that was very exciting; and i also loved it because all the character stuff in that episode was so good; and i also loved it because look, all of us are suckers for that classic seven samurai plot, you know - i loved it in TCW, i loved it in the mandalorian, i loved it in merlin. not gonna get bored of ‘simple farmers defend their homes with pitchforks’ anytime soon. it is overall just a solid, self-contained plot with clear emotional arcs, and it sticks its landing well. it’s a simple, strong story.

nowadays, though, i also love it because of will.

i. will whomst?

prince william of ealdor, that’s who!

will straddles a kind of weird place in canon, because he feels like a minor character to the audience but is very much not a minor character for merlin, who has known will much longer than the brief hour we get to spend with him and who has spent his entire life with will as his sole friend.

but, because will only appears once - let’s start with a round-up. what do we actually know about him?

he’s a peasant farmer from ealdor, like merlin

his father was killed fighting for king cenred (as a foot soldier - these people are not wealthy enough or high-status enough to afford or be accepted into the knighthood)

his mother is either dead or absent

he’s painfully class conscious and doesn’t trust the nobility

he’s a “troublemaker” (the interpretation of which is...well, it’s left to the viewer’s discretion. fandom seems to jump to ‘fun mischief and pranks,’ though i personally don’t get that vibe from this episode. “troublemaker” in will’s case seems to mean more “doesn’t know how to keep his head down/can’t go along to get along to save his life.” it means when he sees something that he thinks is Wrong, he absolutely will not shut up about it even when all his neighbors are sick of him and want him to just let it go. it means he can’t stop rocking the boat even when rocking the boat makes everybody want to strangle him.)

he supplements his agricultural pursuits with carpentry. you can see in his house big piles of hewn timber along one wall, as well as a grindstone and a shaving horse, and when he comes out of his house on two separate occasions he’s holding woodworking tools (mallet, chisel, etc)

he knows about merlin’s magic - for how long this has been the case, we’re not told. it doesn’t feel like a new thing to me, but ultimately that’s guesswork.

he appears to have just one friend

that one friend is merlin

will loves merlin enough to die lying for him

merlin left will behind.

ii. it wasn’t what i wanted

so let’s talk about that.

merlin is asked “why did you leave?” twice in this episode, first by arthur and then by will. he gives completely contradictory answers to the two of them, and it’s worth remembering, before examining both responses, that one answer is inherently more honest than the other, because merlin is only able to tell the whole truth to one of these people.

so when merlin talks to arthur, it goes like this:

“why did you leave?”

“things just...changed.”

“how?”

*silence*

“come on, stop pretending to be interesting and tell me.”

“i just didn’t fit in anymore. i wanted to find somewhere I did.”

arthur has to drag this answer out of merlin, and it’s not because merlin doesn’t feel like sharing (i mean, come on, we know merlin; merlin wants to be in everybody’s business and he feeds off human connection like a starving man; he’d be thrilled that arthur was interested in his life) - the problem isn’t that he’s shy; it’s that he’s not exactly telling the truth and he’s trying to figure out how to do it in the least deceptive way possible.

i just didn’t fit in anymore. i wanted to find somewhere i did.

that’s nice.

it’s also a lie.

it’s not a total lie, of course - there’s an element of it that becomes true, after merlin gets to camelot and realizes that working for arthur is “not totally horrible all the time” - that he sort of likes the excitement, and the newness, and being somewhere where nobody knows him and nobody will judge him - but that’s the reason he stays in camelot, not the reason he leaves ealdor.

by contrast, when will asks the question, merlin gives a completely different answer:

“why did you leave?”

“it wasn’t what I wanted. mother was worried. when she found out you knew - she was so angry.”

it wasn’t what I wanted.

can we digest that for a moment?

merlin didn’t want to leave home.

not that he isn’t enjoying himself in camelot now, of course - which he conveniently doesn’t mention in this conversation, because will is upset with him and merlin feels guilty that he’s been off enjoying his new life while will has been struggling at home alone - but at the point of departure, merlin didn’t want to go.

his answer to arthur about finding a place where he belonged is certain-point-of-view bunk. he didn’t just up and decide that he wanted to run off and find a place where he fit in better. he didn’t leave because he wanted to escape a place he didn’t belong. he didn’t set off in search of adventure and a new life. it’s true that he didn’t feel like he fit in in ealdor, but that’s not what sent him packing. he left because his mother found out that will knew about his magic, and she panicked and sent him away.

iii. why did you leave

most fannish things i’ve encountered tend to interpret merlin’s departure in a much more generous light than i do, with merlin explaining to will that he’s leaving and will being unhappy about it but eventually understanding and kind of like...giving his blessing before merlin goes. this is fine, of course, but it did surprise me, when i started dipping my toes into fandom, because i never interpreted events in this episode like that, and i don’t think it’s even a plausible read, not from the conversations we’re actually given. the antipathy that accompanies merlin’s return doesn’t make sense under those circumstances, and moreover, from the way things actually unfold in this episode, we’re told, in order, the following three things:

1) the fact that will asks “why did you leave” tells us that he and merlin did not discuss it prior to the point of departure. there’s no other reason for will to ask this question. everything about will’s tone and body language in this scene indicates that he’s been stewing over this for a long time, that he doesn’t understand, that this is something profoundly difficult for him to address. and while it might be nicer to think that merlin sat down and discussed things with will before leaving for camelot, that’s not the inference we’re being asked to make here.

2) there is absolutely no way they wouldn’t have discussed it, if will had known that merlin was going to leave. like - if your only friend in the world told you they were moving to another country tomorrow, there’s no way “why?” wouldn’t be the first question you asked. there’s no way you wouldn’t have that discussion, at the most basic level, before separating. it just wouldn’t happen.

3) so, given that information, the unfortunate, inescapable conclusion is this: will didn’t know merlin was going to leave. merlin left without telling him.

everyone is free to continue to headcanon this in their own ways, of course. but this is what we’re actually being told.

iv. we don’t want your kind round here

the fact that merlin vanishes without so much as a word to his best friend goes a long way towards explaining why merlin is so uncomfortable when he first sees will in the street.

when they first encounter each other, merlin looks so apprehensive and wary, and the writers are playing it like ‘uh-oh, someone saw him use magic and now he’s nervous about it!!!’ but two seconds later, you realize that this can’t possibly be what’s causing merlin’s concern, because it’s made immediately clear that will already knows about merlin’s magic and isn’t going to say anything about it.

merlin isn’t afraid of being outed, in this scene. but he might, however, be afraid of the reception he’s going to get, given what we just discussed.

merlin just up and disappeared from home, and not so much as a letter since - we know will’s had a secondhand update, probably from hunith (“how’ve you been?! i hear you’re skivvying for some prince”) but he very clearly hasn’t had any direct contact with merlin since before merlin left.

merlin knows this was a big fuck-up. he feels guilty.

(and to be clear - i think there is a lot to be said about just how merlin’s departure unfolded, and what stopped him from getting in touch. it’s a complicated enough topic for its own piece, and it’s not quite within the scope of this essay, but suffice it to say for now that i don’t believe it stemmed from deliberate thoughtlessness or callousness on merlin’s part; it’s...deeper and more complicated than that. honestly, i think merlin looks back on this as like...the first major mistake he ever made in his life, his...original sin, sort of. and i don’t think he’s ever forgiven himself for it, either, but again, that’s a story for another day.) the point here is that merlin didn’t necessarily want to cause harm, but he knew that’s what he was doing regardless - he knew that leaving without a word was the wrong thing to do. and in this moment he feels rightfully guilty about all of it, and he’s afraid that his friend won’t welcome him home.

merlin’s moment of uncertainty is real, when will pretends to greet him with hostility. merlin is afraid that will is angry with him for leaving him behind.

(and let’s not kid ourselves, will definitely is)

it’s a festering thing that keeps boiling to the surface as we progress through the episode. it shows in the way will finally asks why did you leave, avoiding merlin’s eyes, the question laden with vulnerability. it’s in the exchange “are you going to abandon them?”/“what, like you did?” there’s real pain there, and confusion, lots of hurt feelings.

but.

despite all of that, will doesn’t freeze merlin out, when merlin comes riding back into town. merlin is rightfully afraid that will might not want to see him, afraid that “we don’t want your kind round here” might be less of a joke than it ought to be. and while all of the troubles that merlin is worried about are absolutely real and poised to cause friction later, the truth is that at that exact moment, when merlin comes walking up the road - none of it matters. will has been nursing a collection of hurt feelings for months now, yeah, but in the immediate moment, when it comes down to it - he puts them aside.

they both do. nerves, guilty thoughts, bruised feelings - they temporarily abandon all of that in favor of a momentary joy. you can see how excited they are when they reunite. how they start smiling at the same time. how they laugh their way into that hug. they’re so happy to see each other.

people get pretty worked up about ***That Time Arthur Finally Hugged Merlin!!!***, but i don’t know. i think it matters to remember that merlin had people who knew how to hold him long before arthur was even a flicker of a shadow in merlin’s mind.

v. why are you being like this

so they reunite!

and then they fight. D:

but what really matters is how they fight, because even when they’re having an argument, they never let things escalate quite to the level of interpersonal nastiness, certainly never to the level of cruelty for cruelty’s sake - just a few hard truths and a pile of hurt feelings:

“i trust arthur with my life.”

“is that so? so he knows your secret, then?”

...

“face it, merlin, you’re living a lie, just like you were here. you’re arthur’s servant, nothing more. otherwise you’d tell him the truth.”

the delivery in this scene is essential for understanding how these two interact with each other. it’s so telling. merlin and will are having an argument, and will is angry about everything we’ve already discussed, and on top of that, some prince is trying to round up a bunch of will’s neighbors for a fight that’s going to get a lot of people killed, and will sounds so sharp when he’s talking, up to and including the challenging “is that so?”

but then when he sees that he’s touched a nerve there and merlin knows he’s right, his voice drops those edges and goes gentler, regretful, like - he and merlin aren’t all hunky-dory right now, but he’s not out to rub merlin’s face in it, either. he’s not trying to “get back” at merlin for leaving him. he’s not like...happy that merlin’s situation is shitty.

vi. if i broke it (would you quit?)

we mostly only see these two in a tense season. they’re arguing with each other for almost the entire episode, and yet even in this at-odds state, there are little things that remind us of what they’re usually like - that they don’t want to be arguing, that this isn’t a natural at-rest state for them, that this isn’t what they’re used to. they butt heads, but they keep swinging around back to each other, and trying again, and trying again, and trying again. they never write each other off. they keep trying to make it work.

examples: merlin asking “why are you being like this?,” the implication being that will isn’t usually like this, that this isn’t how they usually act around each other. the two of them together in the background of arthur’s pitiful training session, coming right off the tail-end of another argument and busying themselves with their own work, but still reflexively hanging in each other’s orbit. merlin, even in the middle of a strained conversation, helping clean up the mess that the bandits made of will’s house, without asking or being asked, like it’s just the automatic, reflexive, natural thing to do. merlin using will’s proper name when discussing him with other people, but always the diminutive when they’re talking to each other. merlin following will every time will walks away; will doing the same when merlin’s the one who’s leaving. that moment up in the hedgerow, with will’s embittered “you know why,” which sets them to arguing again, except instead of it pushing them apart, it pulls them closer together - will climbs right up into the hedge where merlin is standing so they can sit next to each other and talk.

like. he’s angry! but the instinct isn’t to storm away, it’s to get closer.

i love that so much. i love how they’re starting to have another argument and merlin stands there and says “why are you being like this,” to which will, already upset, responds “you know why,” BUT -

but

will stalks up into that hedge and plops himself down right next to merlin, and merlin, without a moment’s hesitation, sits down beside him.

i love that. they’re angry with each other, but their first instinct is still to close the distance.

i wonder, sometimes, how much of that is a function of them only having each other. when you’re on the outs with someone, usually you can lean on your other friends, but what can they do? it’s different when the person you usually seek out for comfort is the same person who’s pissing you off. you don’t have anyone else to run to, so you can’t ever really storm off. you have to learn how to hash things out. you have to learn how to make it work. you have to learn not to give up on each other.

vii. she was so angry

the implied backstory for how merlin actually ended up in camelot is so painfully fascinating and, quite frankly, wrenching to think about, given how this episode eventually ends.

when will asks merlin why he left, merlin tells him, “it wasn’t what i wanted. my mother was worried. when she found out you knew - she was so angry.” this is telling us that merlin’s departure for camelot was directly preceded by his mother discovering that will knew about merlin’s magic. that is what ultimately prompted her to send merlin off to camelot. of course there would have been other contributing factors - it’s evident that merlin’s situation in ealdor has always been precarious - but her immediate reason for sending him away was the fact that she found out that will knew about merlin’s magic, and she was angry and afraid to learn that merlin had been lying to her about something that put him at risk.

“i wouldn’t have told anyone.”

“i know you wouldn’t.”

but merlin’s mother didn’t believe that, or she wouldn’t listen to him when he tried to tell her, and she shipped him off to camelot anyway, despite the fact that camelot is arguably more dangerous for merlin than ealdor ever was.

the web of how this played out is such a tangled mess. is it my fault, thinks will, before the episode even starts, desperately trying to figure out why merlin would abandon him like that. it’s my fault, thinks merlin, at the end, knowing that if he had used his magic sooner, or come back alone, events would have unfolded differently. it’s my fault, thinks hunith, realizing that the particular fear upon which she based merlin’s entire departure was utterly unfounded.

merlin doesn’t blame her for it, even though he has reason enough to be angry about it, by the end of this episode. he understands that she was just trying to protect him. but the truth of the matter is that she did make a mistake. she was afraid for him, and she saw danger everywhere, and so she made a misjudgment.

it’s the miniest of mini-arcs, but it’s there. at the end of this episode, right after will drops the Big Damn Lie, merlin looks desperately around for the only other person in the room who understands, and the camera rests on hunith’s face for one lingering moment, as she realizes what’s happening. when she’s exiting the house, there’s a shot where she pauses for a minute on her way out the door, staring back at her son's dying friend, who just offered himself up as a willing sacrifice to keep merlin’s secret safe.

she and merlin are the only people in the room who understand the real import of that moment, the real meaning of that gesture. they’re the only ones who know what’s happening, what it really means for will to say “i did it.”

hunith knows she misjudged that kid big-time.

viii. you can be my ride or die

so. will.

why am i even interested in him? what is it about this character that makes me want to write about him?

number one: i love him because he’s the only person we ever meet who cares exclusively about merlin.

everyone else merlin has met up until this point is either a) as beholden to camelot and arthur as merlin is himself, or b) aware of merlin’s “destiny,” which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but does change the way people talk to him and treat him.

it’s not that merlin doesn’t have people who care about him, but those relationships are not the same as the one he has with will. merlin is obviously #1 in his mom’s life, of course - but, importantly, even hunith’s immediate reaction to merlin’s uncertainty at the end of 1.10 is to tell him that he has to go back to camelot, that arthur needs him, that he’s “the other side of a coin.” this despite the fact that hunith has known arthur for all of five minutes and that merlin, in the moment where she talks to him, is in a lot of pain, and maybe it isn’t the most appropriate moment say, ‘hey, you absolutely must devote yourself to that guy i literally just watched lecture you about the evils of magic while attending your (supposedly magical) dead best friend’s funeral.’

and when it comes to merlin’s camelot network, well - he’s #1 in gaius’s life, too, but gaius also is deeply concerned with the greater good, with the future emergence of albion, with what merlin is meant to become and do. morgana and arthur - well, they don’t know merlin, first of all (really know him, all of him, the important bits) - they definitely like him well enough, and care about him in their way, but ultimately they’re royalty or pseudo-royalty and they have priorities that go beyond merlin, who, at the end of the day, is still a servant. gwen comes the closest to being on merlin’s level, but she doesn’t know him-know him either, and as time goes on she gets more involved with the Crown, with arthur, and with the responsibilities all of that brings. even merlin’s later friends all go on to have other missions - they absolutely all love him, but they all become knights, and they are as concerned about the well-being of the realm and the king as merlin is. even merlin HIMSELF puts arthur’s life ahead of his own - he defines his worth by how well he can protect his prince.

but will is the only person we ever meet who just cares about merlin - merlin the regular person, not the servant he pretends to be, or the legend he’s supposed to become. not the fake, non-magical merlin facade (which is what almost everyone else needs merlin to be before they can condescend to be his friend) and not some destiny-laden figure out of prophecy, either. will doesn’t know anything about destiny or prophecies. he’s never needed to know about any of that stuff to care. he’s always liked merlin. just merlin. just as he is.

that matters. all merlin ever does in this show is deny himself or be denied of the things every regular human being needs to thrive - love, acceptance, truth, safety. he constantly puts or is forced to put other priorities ahead of his own interests, to a point where now, by season five, he’s spent years defending a regime that oppresses him, protecting kings who would execute him.

will, in a display of true-to-character contrariness, upsets that entire narrative, because he does not care one whit about any of the things for which merlin is supposed to sacrifice his life. will gives less than zero (count them: negative zero) fucks about arthur pendragon, and he doesn’t care about camelot, and he wouldn’t know what “albion” meant if he heard the word. and it is refreshing - a blessed, beautiful, heartbreaking relief - to see one person in the world who only cares about merlin, for whom arthur pendragon, in comparison with merlin, isn’t the slightest bit important. arthur isn’t even on the map. he’s a non-entity. he doesn’t exist.

it’s a complete inversion of the way things are supposed to go, in this story. you know how it goes - arthur is the once and future king, and merlin’s job is to usher in his reign. "maybe that is its purpose,” gaius says, about merlin’s magic being meant to protect arthur, about merlin being born this way for that particular reason. it’s merlin’s job to save arthur’s life. it’s merlin’s job to teach arthur to be a better person, at his own expense. it’s all for arthur. i give my life for arthur’s. his life is worth a hundred of mine. what is the life of a servant compared with that of a prince?

will delivers the biggest fuck-you to that entire framework, because he doesn’t assess merlin’s worth based on what merlin can do for some random prince on the other side of the border. merlin’s magic wasn’t purposed for anything, as far as will is concerned. it doesn’t need to justify itself. it just is. it’s just who merlin is.

and who merlin is has always been just fine.

ix. am i the only one wondering who the hell this is

for will, it’s people like arthur who need to justify themselves. arthur with all of his power, arthur riding into little villages with his sword drawn, arthur and his bossing around and his “now, merlin!” conversation-interrupting. will makes no allowances for wealth and couldn’t be less interested in royalty - his frame of reference isn’t you’re the once and future king and merlin exists to prop you up; it’s who the hell are you? what gives you the right to be here? what did you do to earn what you have?

will, like gwaine after him, is acutely aware of the injustice of the reigning social system, and he’s not afraid to throw it in arthur’s face. he knows that people like himself and merlin and all of their neighbors are unjustly disadvantaged from birth until death, and he knows they’re disadvantaged solely because the people at the top of the social chain are greedy lords who sow no seed but reap all the grain, who do no work but enjoy the greatest rewards, who steal from the people with impunity and call it divine entitlement. will knows that he and merlin and all of their neighbors are considered no better than plow-beasts or war-fodder, and he knows that there is absolutely nothing they can do to stop the nobility from either taxing them into starvation or sending them off to die in a ditch - which makes him impossibly angry, and, unlike everybody else in his village, he’s not shy about saying so.

will is, at this point, literally the first non-villain to look at arthur and not immediately see some messianic pinnacle of human greatness - which is refreshing, to be honest, and fair enough besides! he’s evaluating arthur from merlin’s side of things, after all, which nobody - including merlin - ever does, and while i love arthur as much as anybody - for the people’s hero that he could be, and for what he is, sometimes, if not frequently enough - the truth is that he’s not good for all of his people, not yet, and he’s not good for merlin, not the way things stand right now.

will knows that. he looks at arthur and sees a guy with a lot of power, who also happens to rule over the the least magic-friendly place in the five kingdoms, to whom merlin needs to lie in order to avoid the executioner’s block, and he sees merlin deluding himself into thinking that this supremely unequal, extremely unsafe situation counts as friendship.

now, is will’s assessment of the situation a snap judgment based on personal encounters with an unjust social system and very limited knowledge of arthur as a person? yes, definitely. are there nuances to merlin and arthur’s relationship that he’s missing? absolutely.

is he wrong?

not really. and merlin knows it.

x. friends don’t lord it over one another!

i think about that line every damn episode.

over and over again, it comes back to me. i hear it every time arthur gets On His Shit and invokes power he pretends not to have, every time i see more evidence of how this supposed “friendship” between him and merlin is inherently imbalanced. it’s my favorite thing will says in all of 1.10, because it is so true and yet, most of the time, so unacknowledged as a dynamic.

we’re meant to love arthur and merlin together, and we do - i do; i do; when i see those moments that approach true mutual respect and care between them i am as swept up by the potential beauty of this friendship as anyone - but i still think about this line all the time. it’s not right, the power dynamic between the two of them. it’s not just about servants vs. royalty, though of course that’s a structural part of how it plays out. it’s about the fact that, in a real friendship, one person can’t just whip out “you ever say anything like that again, and i swear you’ll join her in exile forever” to shut down a conversation and cow you into silence. one person can’t just throw you in jail to spend a night “cooling off,” and they definitely can’t arrest you whenever someone levels a random accusation at you. in a real friendship, it’s not one person who has all the power.

but when it comes to arthur and merlin, that’s exactly what happens. arthur gets to decide when he and merlin are and aren’t friends. arthur gets to call merlin in or send him away. arthur gets to make all the decisions about when to listen, when to ignore, when to trust, when to believe. merlin can nudge, encourage, suggest, even defy, but ultimately, when you get right down to it, arthur is the king, and merlin is his servant, a dynamic which is compounded by the deadly particulars of merlin’s situation. the relationship isn’t unequal solely because of a difference in social class, it’s unequal because arthur literally has the power of life and death over merlin. arthur could (and would, as far as merlin knows) have merlin executed any day of the week, if he found out who merlin really was.

that’s why when merlin tries to tell will that arthur is his friend, will snaps, “friends don’t lord it over one another!” it’s not that you can’t care about someone who has more power than you, and it’s not that you can’t have some kind of relationship with them, but it is not real friendship if you think your “friend” will kill you when they find out who you really are. it is not a real friendship if you have to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to preserve the relationship. real friends don’t leverage impossible amounts of power to shut you up when you say something they don’t want to hear. real friends don’t say things like “you’ll be a friend for life if you do [x thing]” to convince you to lie to their dad while they go out with a girl and thus get you clapped in the stocks three times in a row, and then turn around and show their appreciation by letting people raid and ransack your house multiple times, throwing you in jail at least twice, accusing (and once nearly executing!) your loyal long-serving mentor more than once - among innumerable other issues. real friends aren’t “you’re my friend when i need you to be, but not when it’s inconvenient.” they don’t have the kind of power to turn things on and off whenever they want.

i love that will is the only person who ever acknowledges this, across five seasons of this show. i love that he spits it out immediately, without hesitation, the minute merlin tries to makes things sound better than they are. i love that he says it unapologetically, to merlin’s face, because he says it for merlin’s sake, after all - the point of saying ‘friends don’t lord it over one another’ is to say ‘that guy doesn’t appreciate you the way you appreciate him/this isn’t reciprocal and he’s taking advantage of you/this isn’t the friendship you want it to be and i don’t like seeing you settle for this.’ will is that friend who watches you interact with someone and then later gets in your business like ‘EXCUSE ME! I DO NOT LIKE HOW HE TALKS TO YOU! I DON’T LIKE HOW HE TREATS YOU!'

will knows that merlin deserves better than arthur pendragon, even when merlin himself won’t concede that point. merlin won’t advocate for himself, so will tries to do it for him. merlin can try to convince himself that arthur is a real friend all he wants, but will knows what’s up. he knows. he knows where this is going, if merlin’s relationship with arthur is allowed to continue on exactly as-is. will knows, from the very beginning, that this is a recipe for disaster.

[addendum 2020: speaking from a post season-5 perspective...will understood where merlin and arthur were headed long before even we the audience did.]

xi. friends don’t lord it over one another [reprise]

you know what real friends do do for each other, though?

a) listen - even when they don’t like what the other person is saying

b) care - even when they’re angry

that’s it. that’s what matters.

we don’t need more than an hour of watching will and merlin onscreen together to see that this is how they interact with each other. they’re arguing for most of this episode, and they’re both right, in different ways, but by the time they’ve had it out with one another, they both understand where their own arguments were wrong, too. they listen to each other despite the fact that they’re angry, and despite the fact that they both have very strong feelings about their respective positions. they care enough about each other to look past their personal injuries and accept where the other person is coming from.

merlin starts off this episode absolutely dead-set against using his magic to help ealdor, if there’s any chance arthur could find out about it. but later, before he and will have even officially reconciled onscreen, we can already see that he’s been listening to what will’s been saying, that he’s come around to will’s way of thinking, because he tells his mother “if it comes down to a choice between revealing who i truly am and saving lives - that’s no choice at all,” hearkening back to will’s “are you telling me you’d rather keep your magic a secret for arthur’s sake than use it to protect your friends and family?” and: “if arthur doesn’t accept me for who i am...well...then he’s not the friend i hoped he was” (you’re arthur’s servant, nothing more. otherwise you’d tell him the truth.)

merlin has been listening the whole time, even if he didn’t like what will was saying.

and the same goes for will, too. he’s (understandably!) bitter about merlin’s situation, about the way merlin left, about the new life merlin built for himself while will was suffering in a confused limbo of abandonment at home - and will also obviously thinks the Farmers’ Resistance is a total disaster, a noble-spun farce that’s going to get good people killed - but even though he doesn’t trust the camelot contingent and couldn’t give fewer shits about prince arthur pendragon specifically, he trusts merlin. he listens to merlin, even though they’ve been fighting. he comes back because merlin keeps telling him it’s the right thing to do.

they both listen, even when it seems like they’re just arguing with each other. and they both acknowledge where the other person was right, even when it means making themselves vulnerable. will comes back to help his neighbors fight a battle against hopeless odds. merlin exposes his magic to save people’s lives.

they teach each other how to do the right thing. they make each other brave.

xii. you just saved my life

let’s talk about being brave, then.

this kid jumps in front of a crossbow for a guy he doesn’t even like.

can we be clear about that? will doesn’t even LIKE arthur. he doesn’t particularly care about him. he doesn’t accept him as the noble savior of all mankind. he isn’t interested in defending the nobility, and he certainly hasn’t jumped on the camelot bandwagon. just because he’s seen that arthur wasn’t planning on sending them all to their deaths without risking his own neck doesn’t mean will is suddenly going to start flying the pendragon crest from atop his house.

but he isn’t going to step back and let a coward shoot another man in the back, either.

arthur’s still a prince, yeah. arthur’s still sitting at the tip-top of an unjust social system, benefitting from all kinds of privileges he didn’t earn. arthur’s still a crappy friend to merlin. heck, two seconds before that crossbow gets fired, arthur’s gone full-on inquisition-mode, interrogating merlin about sorcery, which, given that arthur can just go ahead and have merlin executed with a snap of his fingers, isn’t a great way to earn will’s respect or trust.

but you know what? when it comes down to it, will’s automatic, reflexive reaction upon seeing someone in immediate danger is to Get In The Way.

it doesn’t matter that will doesn’t like arthur. it doesn’t even matter that he actively dislikes arthur. will doesn’t even think about it, he just moves. instinctively. automatically. he isn’t going to let anyone standing right in front of him get murdered with their back turned, no matter how much he can’t stand them.

let’s all take a second to remember and acknowledge something in arthur’s stead, since i’m not sure arthur will do it himself - arthur pendragon would have been dead right there if it weren’t for a dirt-poor peasant farmer from cenred’s kingdom who never had anything nice to say to a prince but still stepped between a pendragon and a crossbow in the name of doing the right thing. without will, the story would have ended in season 1, episode 10. albion itself owes its future existence to a young man with no surname who will never be acknowledged or recognized for anything he did, not for teaching the future king a lesson in humility, not for saving the prince’s life, and certainly not for the greatest and most noble move he ever made, because that gesture’s success is predicated upon its remaining a secret.

this kid saves the entire World That Will Be. the show would have ended before it ever really began, if not for our man prince william of ealdor.

merlin knows that, and merlin never forgets it. but i’m not so sure about everyone else.

xiii. yeah, don’t know what i was thinking

let’s talk about defiance.

this kid is dying, and he’s still full of piss and vinegar. when arthur says, wide-eyed, “you’re a sorcerer,” will responds, “yeah. what are you going to do, kill me?”

what a power move. what a thing to say.

that’s not a question. that is a no-fucks-given, shame-and-blame challenge.

what are you going to do, kill me?

merlin uses those exact same words during his confrontation with morgana in 3.02. when he’s trapped - when he’s cornered and betrayed and angry - he reaches for the kind of defiance he once saw exercised on his own behalf, for a shameless bravery that burned itself into his brain. for the kind of strength he wants to channel himself.

when it comes to holding your ground in front of the pendragon dynasty, merlin learned from the best.

xiv. and i’m prince william, of ealdor

let’s talk about names.

william: from wil (will or determination) and helm (protection, a helm)

hence the common translation of resolute protector.

which, given the events of 1.10, seems very fitting.

xv. i did it

let’s talk about lies.

because resolute protector rings even more powerfully true when it comes to merlin than it does for arthur.

at the time of this writing, i have four more episodes to watch before i’m done with season 5. at this point, at the end of the show, merlin’s magic is still a secret. merlin’s gotten involved in a lot of dangerous situations, risking his life in other ways, but the one danger he’s never had to really confront is the executioner’s block, because none of the pendragons know his secret.

and the reason none of the pendragons know his secret is thanks to our boy prince william of ealdor, who turns his own untimely death into a last-second rescue operation by telling the Biggest Damn Lie of his life and then doubling down on it when merlin tries to tell him no.

will is the one who secures merlin’s next five years of relative safety. not from all of life’s dangers, of course; no one can do that - but when it comes to merlin’s greatest fear, the worst outcome, the prospect of being dragged out of his home in chains and murdered in front of an ogling crowd for just existing - will buys merlin’s escape from that fate with his life. merlin remains hidden and unexposed to this very day because will died protecting his secret, because will lied to the prince of magic-hunting and invited upon himself all of the risk and scorn and danger and condemnation that a false confession like that entailed.

i honestly don’t know how to express clearly enough the enormity of that moment. the momentousness of that gesture. i called it a bold and tremendous lie in some other post somewhere, and i don’t know how else to capture what it was. the thought of what it would mean, to be merlin, and to see someone throw themselves on the block for your sake, for your safety and your future and your freedom, when the rest of the world and every message you’ve ever absorbed says you don’t deserve to be safe, you don’t deserve to be free, you don’t deserve to exist.

it is impossible to overstate how much that matters. merlin carries that with him for the rest of his life.

xvi: i can’t fight you anymore (it’s you i’m fighting for)

let’s talk about love, okay?

this ep is called the moment of truth, right?

so here are some truths about will. in the time that we spend with him, we come to understand that he is the following:

a poor peasant kid with nothing to his name

a kid whose father is dead

a kid whose mother is either dead or absent

a kid who “people are used to ignoring”

a kid who’s been making his own way through this backbreaking subsistence-farmer’s life with no grown-ups to hold him or help him or listen to him when he comes home at night

a kid who isn’t trusted to protect merlin’s secret, even by merlin’s own mother, whom will has known for his entire life

a kid whose only friend in the world fucked off to the country next door without a hint of warning or any indication that it was something that should matter to either one of them, making will think he misread the only meaningful relationship he’s ever had, because if merlin can just vanish to nowhere and not even bother to send a note, then either merlin wasn’t actually his friend to begin with or merlin was his friend at one time but doesn’t want to be anymore, both of which options are soul-crushing

a closed-off, heavily-armored, hurting kid who’s been unspeakably lonely for the past few months but also angry and ashamed at himself for feeling that way, because how stupid did he have to be, to think that he mattered to someone, that someone would ever want him or love him or need him or miss him, to think that this time would be different, that this time somebody wouldn’t leave him -

and even in this state - even in the midst of all this -

at the moment of truth, he still puts himself on the chopping block. he still says, “you’ll have to go through me.”

he comes through for merlin. of course he does. the irony is bitter and beautiful - hunith sent merlin away precisely because she didn’t trust that merlin would be safe with will knowing about his magic, but in the end it’s will who gives up everything to keep merlin’s secret concealed.

not just to keep it concealed, even - to reverse merlin being outed. merlin had already been exposed. the deed was done! the magic was seen! it was all over - and then, miraculously, it wasn’t. what will did was the only way merlin could ever have slipped safely back under the cover of secrecy.

will didn’t have to do that. he didn’t have to lie about performing magic, and he didn’t have to save arthur, either. it would have been better for will to let arthur die, in fact, and it would have been better for him to let merlin get caught, too, because ‘maybe then merlin would have to stay here with me’ - but will is so much better than petty revenge. he’s so much better than anybody ever gives him credit for, merlin excepted.

the fight will has with merlin doesn’t matter to him, in the end. it was a complicated situation for both of them; will knows this. if he weren’t dying now, he and merlin would have talked it out and made up - will knows that, too. things could have gone a little smoother between them, maybe, and will still thinks going back to camelot is less than what merlin deserves, but it’s what merlin wants, and the mark of truly loving someone is when you want the best for them, even if it means you don’t get what you want for yourself. so ultimately, when it comes down to it, the truth for will is this: he wants merlin to have a good life. he wants merlin to be safe. he wants merlin to be happy. he wants merlin to be with him, too, but if he can’t have that, it’s no reason to withhold any of the other gifts he can bestow. if one of those gifts is freedom, if one of those gifts is safety - it’s no choice at all.

merlin is will’s one good thing. merlin deserves everything will can give him, as far as will is concerned.

xvii. the only place worth being

this place has been boring without you.

what a thing to tell someone.

what a powerful thing to say to someone whose entire life up to this point has been a litany of ‘there’s something wrong with you,’ ‘you don’t belong here,’ ‘you’re cursed/broken/wrong/unnatural.’ what a dauntlessly loving thing to tell someone whose entire life has been the message ‘people like you deserve to die,’ over and over and over again.

what a singularly beautiful thing it is, for someone like merlin to hear ‘you are what makes this place worth living in.’

xviii: the only one worth seeing

likewise it’s good to see you again.

because it’s not just “it’s good to see you again;” it’s an acknowledgement that merlin is the last person will is ever going to see.

and will is like, okay.

he’d rather be alive, yeah, but if he had choose - it’s good that it’s you.

xix: the only bed worth sleeping in (is the one right next to you)

the most devastating moment in this sequence, for me, is at the very end, when will confesses fear.

it doesn’t happen until everything else has been taken care of. arthur’s been fooled, merlin’s been safely shuffled back under the cover of secrecy, everybody’s been taken in by the ruse and sent away, none the wiser - all the necessary and important business has been dealt with.

only at the very, very end does will’s own predicament rear its ugly head. only after everything else is done does he even allow himself to feel it. he’s spent the rest of this sequence making jokes and roasting arthur and keeping it all together, but at the last second, when he falters, he comes undone for the only person he trusts, the only person who understands him, the only person in the world who gives a damn about him. his defenses come down, in that last moment, for merlin - and it could ONLY be for merlin - when will says, “merlin, i’m scared.”

we don’t need anything else, to understand their relationship. we’ve seen enough of will by now to recognize that he keeps the world at arm’s length, that even his walls have walls, that this is just not the sort of thing he would ever admit to. confessions of pain? acknowledging vulnerability? never. he’s not that kind of character. we know he has a big heart - look at what he’s doing - but we also know he’s had a hard life. he’s wrapped himself in layers upon layers of protection - snark and anger and deflection and sarcasm and still making jokes at the prince’s expense after being shot in the chest - nobody is allowed to see him open and undefended, never.

except merlin.

will is dying. he is so young. he has been so alone, for so much of his life, and he’s so young, and he’s dying. he clutches for this lifeline like it’s the only thing he has, because it is the only thing he has - merlin is his only friend. merlin is the person will loves best in the whole world.

merlin, i’m scared.

that is so unbelievably vulnerable. that is so utterly naked. that is totally defenseless, exposed, belly-up and barethroated under someone else’s burning gaze.

that is absolute trust. will would never have said that in front of anyone else. he would never have allowed anyone else to see him like that.

his confession is, like pretty much everything else he ever does, for merlin alone.

xx. your heart is on my sleeve

merlin, will keeps repeating. merlin.

how much do you have to love someone, to make their name your last words? how much do you have to care about someone, for that to be the only thing you can think to say, again and again, in your last terrified moments on this earth?

that’s a rhetorical question.

i know how much.

xxi: i missed you too

i think, sometimes, about will, when i watch the later seasons of merlin, and about how he would feel if he could see what merlin’s life has turned into.

i sometimes wonder how he would feel, if he could see how merlin allows himself to be passed over, disbelieved, disrespected. if he could see how merlin has started to define his worth in terms of how well he is able to protect Some Dude who doesn’t even know who merlin is, who keeps people like merlin trapped in the shadows of subjugation, hidden citizens in their own kingdom. if will could see how merlin has laid his entire life down for other people’s enrichment, if he could see how little hope merlin now holds for his own happiness, if he could see the way merlin in S5 has given up on his own liberation -

i don’t have to guess what will would say about it. i know how he would feel. if will could see merlin in season 5, his raging little heart would break.

i wish he were here to tell merlin exactly what he thought about it. merlin does all this self-sacrificing for the sake of his “destiny”; whereas will would think that any destiny making merlin this miserable was a steaming pile of trash. will would tell kilgharrah to get lost, and to take his questionable advice with him. will would tell arthur to fuck off - he’s done it already, in slightly less explicit terms.

does that mean i truly think merlin is supposed to abandon his mission and ditch camelot and run off to live his own life? no. merlin cares too much about making the world a better place to be truly happy with that kind of existence; he wants to change things for the common good; he wants to help the people he cares about. but merlin, as he tries to fulfill his mission, is desperately missing will’s kind of support in his life. merlin needs someone who is only here for him. he needs someone who is going to get up in his face and remind him, “you matter.” he needs someone to tell him, “you deserve better than this.” he needs someone who isn’t afraid to tell destiny to fuck off, when telling destiny to fuck off is in merlin’s best interests.

merlin needs someone who is on his side.

not camelot’s side. not albion’s side. not arthur’s side.

HIS side. merlin’s side.

xxii: he still is

the thing about will, then, for me, is this: i can’t minimize him.

i can’t do it. i can’t diminish that part of merlin’s life.

i don’t think it’s possible to overestimate his importance, frankly. merlin, when we meet him, has only ever had two people in his life. that is such an...unfathomable experience, for many of us. just two people. just two people to know you. just two people to love you. just two people, for your whole life.

will wasn’t just some friend. will was half of merlin’s world.

fannish pursuits that i have seen...the things where will appears are already so limited, and of course that’s completely understandable - it’s not like he’s a main character, or even a side character, by any means; i totally get that. but - so much of what i see is him serving solely as a set-up for merlin/arthur, or otherwise being shoved out of the way as soon as arthur shows up on the scene, or showing up only to be a receptacle for discussion about arthur and merlin’s developing relationship - even will and merlin’s own ship tag is 90% merlin/arthur fics.

and there’s nothing wrong with this, ultimately; everybody should continue to write exactly what they want and enjoy exactly what they want; that’s the fun of fandom. i mention these things here only because for me, personally, the whole point of will’s character is that merlin’s life is bigger than just arthur. the most important relationship merlin had for most of his life had zip-zero-nothing to do with arthur pendragon, and it still has zip-zero-nothing to do with arthur pendragon, after will is dead.

you remember will’s funeral at the end of 1.10? arthur has an entire conversation (a horrible one, fyi) with merlin, and merlin doesn’t look at him once. he answers arthur’s questions because he has to, but his eyes never once leave the pyre in front of him - not while he’s listening, not while he’s talking, not once. not ever. arthur comes, arthur chastises, and arthur goes, all without being granted so much as a glance, because this isn’t about him. this is none of his business.

the whole point of will is that it is possible for someone to love merlin and not give a tinker’s cuss about arthur pendragon. the whole point of will is that having someone love merlin without caring about arthur pendragon is, in fact, a good thing. merlin needs somebody like that in his life. he struggles when he doesn’t have someone like this around to advocate for him. just look at where he is in season 5 - look at what his life has become, when it’s been years since he had an in-the-know friend.

merlin suffers when he loses this kind of support. it’s easy to say that will is never mentioned again after 1.10, but there are real reasons why merlin wouldn’t be willing to explicitly mention him, and the lack of explicit references doesn’t mean we can’t still see him, if we pay attention. we see the immediate impact of his death in merlin’s attitude shift in 1.11. we see him in 2.02, when merlin names his fake tournament knight sir william and spends the rest of the episode roasting arthur to within an inch of his life. we see him in the season 3 opener, when morgana levels her sword at merlin and the first thing that pops out of merlin’s mouth is “what are you going to do, kill me?” we see him in gwaine’s intro episode, when merlin immediately cleaves to this class-conscious ‘people get sick of me too quickly’ stranger whose father was killed fighting one of the king’s wars. and his absence is felt, more generally (as is lancelot’s) in how quickly merlin’s life starts to spiral out of control once the only two honest friends he ever had are gone. their loss doesn’t have to be explicitly referenced for us to understand that merlin, without that kind of support system, is faltering. we see it happening with our own eyes.

[edit, post-viewing-of-S5-finale: and we see where it eventually leads, too.]

so, once again, as i said - i can’t minimize this character. i can’t overstate the positive impact of merlin having somebody who was here for him and only him, who affirmed merlin’s value independently of arthur pendragon’s fate, who knew and loved merlin without caring about a “destiny” that ultimately, in the end, turned out to be a cruel joke made at merlin’s expense.

if will had lived, i’m not sure we would have ended up in quite so dark a place. we might have landed in some other tight spot, sure, but i can tell you one thing for certain - will would not have sat quietly by and allowed merlin to throw his life away, not for camelot, not for arthur, and certainly not for a parade of empty promises.

xxiii: where you are, there i’ll be

the bottom line is this.

merlin spent the first two decades of his life with one friend.

one.

loved by one friend.

one.

merlin had his mother, who was there for him from the beginning, whose love was unconditional, who was an “of course.”

and he had will, who chose merlin, who kept choosing merlin even after merlin told him the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Secret. will’s presence in merlin’s life is the only reason merlin grows up believing himself to be deserving of love from people who aren’t his own mother. his presence in merlin’s life is the only reason merlin knows how to have and be a friend. his presence in merlin’s life is the only reason merlin is who he is - a merlin who’d spent his entire life without a single friend would not have been the same confident, optimistic, gregarious person who later walked into camelot and told arthur pendragon, “i’d never have a friend who could be such an ass.”

will mattered. we don’t talk about him much, because he only appeared in one episode, but it wasn’t “one episode” for merlin; it was closer to twenty years of companionship, of elbows in ribcages and smirks exchanged across the room and someone to natter on at, a person to sit next to and walk beside, in every season and all sorts of weather.

will chose merlin, and he kept right on choosing him, until he breathed his very last breath. that is enough for me to love him, to feel grateful that he existed. i don’t care how rough he is around the edges. i don’t care that he hates arthur pendragon’s guts, that he has a big mouth, that he speaks out of turn, that he has no tact, that he can’t suffer fools, that he has a chip on his shoulder the size of a minor planetoid and wings it at people’s heads when the mood is on him.

he loved merlin. actual, magical merlin; merlin as he truly is, merlin in all his gifted, unnatural, beautiful imperfection.

that is a desperately rare thing. that is worth celebrating.

#the once and future slowburn #no kings no masters #meta #<3

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365-money-diary · 4 years ago

Text

DAYS 43-49

DAY FORTY-THREE

7:30 AM - Up a little early so I can close on my house. The process is pretty easy and I feel safe about it and such. We do it on the front porch with 6 foot folding table.

8:30 AM - I need to re-caulk the side door trim before I can start painting so I do that while I make my chemex. This is fun (not) because I don’t own a caulk gun.

10:30 AM - Eat a plant yogurt

12:00 PM - Snack on chips and salsa – damn the salsa I made is so good this time. Also make salad for lunch. I’m set up in the kitchen today which is clearly a bad scene because I keep going to the pantry for more snacks. Relocate to the bedroom.

2:00 PM - I really should get my barre class out of the way today. I have a 4PM happy hour and I know I won’t want to work out after that, so I do a 10 minute low impact ride and then start class.

4:00 PM - I get done with most of the class and hop on zoom. Make refried beans in the instant pot for dinner while we chat.

5:00 PM - Finish the zoom and knock out the last 10 minutes of barre. I don’t like to split the classes up like that but oh well.

6:00 PM - Finish making the beans as well as rice and jackfruit for burritos. K isn’t hungry so I watch an episode of The Challenge before making the burritos.

7:30 PM - Ok these are really good. Dang! I don’t want to drink tonight so I open a La Croix and try to hydrate.

DAY FORTY-THREE TOTAL: $0

DAY FORTY-FOUR

8:00 AM - I’m awake and I feel really good. K is still pretty conked out and I get the idea to go to Cartel. I haven’t been in a few months because cases were super high but now seems like a good opportunity. This is the one thing I do behind K’s back. It’s contactless and it’s super safe so I don’t really consider it to be a risk but I know he isn’t ready to drink things directly out of containers they’re served in on the same day you buy them so let’s just leave this between us. Buy a hot oat milk latte and tip $10. $17.57

10:00 AM - Make a chemex so K doesn’t suspect anything. Hang with him on the couch for a bit and then start moving around the furniture in the kitchen to start taping.

11:30 AM - Take a break to cook breakfast - tofu/egg tacos with field roast sausage.

12:15 PM - Back to taping. It takes forev, but I think I did a good job.

3:45 PM - First coat done. Watch an episode of The challenge before I apply the second.

5:30 PM - Done with the second. Watch more of the challenge.

7:00 PM - Dinner tonight is pozole. I take my time making it and drink a glass of wine while I cook.

8:00 PM - Dang this is so delicious.

DAY FORTY-FOUR TOTAL: $17.57

DAY FORTY-FIVE

9:00 AM - Woah I am SO SORE. What the hell? My quads. Make a chemex and work on putting the kitchen back together, but I run out of time and have to meet with S and her BF on zoom. K joins me and it’s a really good time.

11:15 PM - Ok back to tape removal.

12:15 PM - Done! / Looks good! Make more tofu tacos for breakfast.

2:00 PM - My boss is applying for citizenship in the US and she asked me to help build her a website. I have totally spaced it over the past two weeks and get cracking on it today. Make some good progress and send her what I have.

4:00 PM - Watch some episodes of The Challenge. For whatever reason this feels like the first time I’ve actually relaxed this weekend and I am here for it.

6:00 PM - We drive to a bar I DJ at on the reg during non-pandemic times to do a pick up of their Valentine’s Day special. Neither K or I are big V Day fans and we feel like this is good enough to “celebrate.” We get two veggie dogs, fries and a bottle of wine to take home. J (my friend who owns the bar) runs my card for $31ish and I tip $20. K insists he pays and he venmos me $50. $1.89

7:00 PM - I haven’t had fries in like… a year. And these ones are really delicious! The wine is good too. Spend the rest of the evening catching up on my blog. I haven’t felt very motivated to work on it this month.

8:00 PM - Get a charge from Amazon… S is buying movies again. Make a venmo request for $16 and she fulfills it. $0.19

DAY FORTY-FIVE TOTAL: $2.08

DAY FORTY-SIX

8:30 AM - WOW I am still sore WTF. Make a chemex and notice my tea kettle has a rust spot. Damnit. At this point, I would rather just buy an electric kettle with a gooseneck spout to get rid of both of my kettles, but I’m trying to stick to my budget this month. I’ve been covering K’s groceries throughout the pandemic and he owes me around $2k at this point. Because of this, I’ve kind of cut back on clothing and other frivolous purchases until he starts to pay me back so I can still save money every month. But rust is rust and I don’t want to get sick. Buy a Stagg EKG kettle with a nice wood handle. $160.62

10:00 AM - plant yogurt, a clementine and Pure Barre weekly charge. $15

12:00 PM - It’s salad time but I’m kind of out of tempeh and am a little burnt out on the miso Asian vibe anyways. Toss together some greens, bell pepper, onion, carrots, snap peas, cucumber, and a frozen Quorn spicy chicken patty and top it with cashew ranch. It’s honestly really good.

4:00 PM - Call M to wish him a happy bday. Tell him either next Sunday or the Sunday after that we will do a lunch thing together in his backyard to celebrate. Drink a nuun while we chat.

5:15 PM - I do a pure barre workout but make the mistake of doing it on my work computer at the post-workday slacks are coming in hot this AM. My body’s HR doesn’t really pick up but I still feel proud of myself for pushing thru the soreness.

7:00 PM - K and I eat big burritos for dinner with jackfruit, beans, rice, lettuce, tofutti sour cream, cheeze, and jalapenos with chips and salsa. They’re so good and I am sad that we’re out of tortilla chips and salsa now.

8:00 PM - Since dinner was kinda big and I had fries yesterday, I spend the evening hydrating instead of drinking wine. K and I watch a 4 part docuseries on Elisa Lam & the Cecil Hotel. At some point he goes off to work on some stuff and I wrap up this website I’m building for my boss who is working on getting her green card.

DAY FORTY-SIX TOTAL: $175.62

DAY FORTY-SEVEN

9:00 AM - Make a chemex. Finish the site and send it to my boss who approves. Hopefully I don’t have to actually post it for her. I hate dealing with hosting and such.

10:00 AM - I don’t really want yogurt today and find a small portion of tofu scramble leftover from Sunday. Heat that up and top with truffle hot sauce.

12:00 PM - Kill the rest of the salad ingredients today by making the same dish as yesterday but with peas instead of red bell peppers. Review the site I made for my boss. She sends me a $100 amazon gift card! How sweet.

5:00 PM - Get sucked in a meeting and am not able to leave until 5:30. I’m not interested in exercising this late so I zone out on the couch for a bit and snack on some gf pretzels. Start a new season of The Challenge. Drink a glass of wine.

7:00 PM - Heat up leftover pozole for dinner. Eat with K while we “watch” a hockey game.

8:30 PM - Pour another glass of wine and chat on the phone with Q. I end up feeling super antsy halfway through our conversation and decide to take a walk. I do a nice loop down to the lake and back to my house. Next time we decide that we will walk together.

10:30 PM - I check my phone after our conversation to see 100 slack messages from various team members. Looks like there is something going on which will affect the report I have to give tomorrow. Read thru, ask some questions and feel good about what I have to change.

DAY FORTY-SEVEN TOTAL: $0

DAY FORTY-EIGHT

8:15 AM - Up a little early today so I can adjust my report. Make a chemex while I pull numbers.

9:30 AM - Present the info. It’s good stuff! My boss is out of town so I think today should be pretty chill. Get a note from my bank that the wire of leftover funds from the mortgage stuff has been transferred to my checking totaling $1250.39.

12:00 PM - Make broccoli fried rice for lunch. Things turn chaotic for the rest of the day and by the time I know it, it’s 4:00 PM

4:15 PM - Decide to cut out early today and take a live barre class. 20 minutes in (10 minutes before 5), I get a message from my teammate asking to hop on zoom. She has computer issues so I’m actually able to finish the class before she’s ready.

7:00 PM - Finally done working. Rinse off and make pasta for dinner. Drink 3 glasses of wine.

9:30 PM - K and I play Mario Kart for a while before turning in.

DAY FORTY-EIGHT TOTAL: $0

DAY FORTY-NINE

8:30 AM - Today has to be more chill than yesterday… It just has to be. Make a chemex. See that my hair dresser is selling shirts for her shop. Venmo her. $25

12:00 PM - Prep chicken seitan shreds. Broccoli fried rice for lunch with seltzer.

1:30 PM - Finish making the seitan, eat an apple, gf pretzels and carrots. I realize I forgot to eat breakfast this AM. Ugh.

5:00 PM - My butt is super sore from yesterday but I do my barre workout anyways. It’s so nice to not be interrupted. My cal burn is low but I don’t even care. It’s just nice to move.

6:00 PM - Rinse off and prep dinner. We make buffalo chicken sandwiches with roasted potatoes. They turn out pretty good and I’m excited to eat them over the next few days.

8:00 PM - Drink a glass of wine. I google if I can have more since I’m getting the COVID vaccine tomorrow and it seems like one is ok but maybe not more so I decide against it.

DAY FORTY-NINE TOTAL: $25

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meet-me-in-the-kitchen · 6 years ago

Text

Imagine: Gone Under

7 and 8 from this list.

TRIGGER WARNING: dom!harry, sub!reader, subspace. angst** with fluffy aftercare. um i’ve never written smth like this before, so please be nice. i don’t know what i’m doing :(

(“7. Soft dom!Harry helping y/n calm down after she gets too frustrated when she’s very tired,

8. Y/n slipping away into subspace when guests are over. The guests are trying to talk to her but the only responses they’re getting back are distant looks. So harry has to find a way for them to leave so he can take care of her”)

The one where she’s gone under, and he tries to get her back.

Harry should have listened to her, he reckons, green eyes flashing in worry and concern as his head hangs in guilt at the sight in front of him. He should’ve paid attention to his girlfriend when she mumbled she was too tired to co-host a party, but all he had done was lose his patience and say a string of harsh things he wish he hadn’t.

It started out with y/n coming home in the evening after a long day at university, shoulders slumped and a sigh compressed in her chest, her eyes and throat burning with the empty feeling of needing a good cry, but the tears never came. She placidly slips off her shoes and brings her aching feet out onto the cool tiles of the flat she shared with her boyfriend, sniffling as the weight on her shoulders slowly lessened once she had walked into the flat.

Harry could do that to a girl, and y/n knew this from personal experience. After a couple of hours of him holding her close, back rubs, and snuggles in front of the Netflix streaming T.V., her troubles would be forgotten or seen as easier to handle than before, and the fine lines on her worried forehead would fade into nothing as she fades into sleep. That’s what y/n has been eager to come home to all day.

The day hasn’t been easy on y/n, to say the least. She had left for uni bright eyed, kissing Harry goodbye and refusing to let him drive her, wanting to take the train instead. In her rush to be early, y/n forgets her phone at home. That’s her first mistake.

Afterwards, when she’s finally reached the train station which is a five minute walk from her and Harry’s flat, she reaches into her front and back pockets, trying to find her phone urgently as time ticks away and a weird, unsettled feeling gnaws deep inside her stomach in sickeningly short waves. When y/n realizes that she’s left her phone at home, it takes everything within her to not freak out then and there, because she has a project she’s poured her heart into that she has to present to the class in the afternoon, and nothing can kill her vibes. But, the problem is, she kept her credit card, dollar bills and some identification all inside of her phone case. The only thing she had now was a student I.D. card hung around her neck and dropping at her chest.

When y/n had finally come to the conclusion she had no money on her, she had to run to her university in order to not be late, which sounded very stupid, because why didn’t she just go back to her flat and grab the materials she needed? But, y/n knew she could make it in time if she ran, seeing as the university was a twenty minute drive and the professor teaching her first class that morning was very crabby and harsh when it came to students missing classes or appearing late. Unlike other professors, who genuinely didn’t give a fuck, Prof Adams was something else.

When she finally appears at the university gates, sweating and makeup running down her face slightly, y/n flashes her I.D. to the guards by the entrance, who then let her in. She runs to the class she’s supposed to be in five minutes early, and is finally calming down when she realizes it’s Friday and she has a class with Prof. O’Connor, who was much more flexible with time than Adams. At this point she’s sure she’s about to have a nervous breakdown, but seamlessly jogs to the correct class.

By lunch, y/n’s stomach is growling loudly, but she realizes that one, she doesn’t have a penny on her, and two, the project she had been so excited to present was a group project, and even if she had poured her heart and soul into this project, it was going to be graded based on the work everyone had done. And so, she’d collected everyone’s part into the project and worked over lunch like a mad woman possessed, her head dizzy and stomach growling faintly in hunger, pleading for her to fill it with food.

And once she’s finally finished perfecting everything in the student library, running on cheap caffeine and her own fear of failing, y/n had bolted, running up the the stairs as fast as she could so she could reach her class in time. And, of course, she had to fall down an entire flight of stairs just then. Which wasn’t only painful, but really embarrassing. After that episode, she trots up the stairs, finishes the presentation, and has to walk to their flat in the rain, because all her peers took off before she could ask if she could use their phone to call Harry or hitch a ride.

Drenched and weary, all in all y/n had had a really fucking bad day, and honestly just wanted to sob into Harry’s chest, and maybe watch a rom-com as he fussed over her.

But that’s not what happened.

As y/n heard the familiar patter of Harry’s feet traveling towards her, a faint smile unconsciously tugs at her lips. Even though she feels totally spent, a warm bath with her boyfriend sounds nice.. they could even try one of those bath bombs Harry had fetched for her a few days ago. Sex sounded good, too, y/n agreed internally, her tense muscles relaxing some when she thinks of Harry gently pushing into her in the rippling bath water, holding her by her stomach, snuggled close to his chest.

“Hello, babe,” Harry greets in his raspy voice, snaking his arms around her hips as she leans back into his chest with a pout on her lips that she wishes would make him understand, like he did every other time.

“Hi,” she breathes, letting her eyes close shut as they swayed slightly. He was so warm, and lovely, and him.

“The boys and a few of our friends are coming over in forty five minutes for a little get together,” he informs, nipping kisses into her earlobe and sucking hotly at the warm flesh dangerously edged near her sweet spot, lips puckering around the flesh and latching on. Because of the well planned distraction, y/n spends a few moments sighing as Harry blows warm air onto her sweet spot before licking over the bruised area and cooling the soft skin with cool air.

Suddenly, y/n snaps back to her senses, jumping away from Harry’s warm embrace reluctantly and looking up at him with a feisty, challenging look.

“Oh, no you don’t, Styles!” y/n warns, and at first Harry’s eyebrows jump into his hairline, eyes lightening with amusement at her reaction. His arms reach for her again, but when she pushes him back, he raises his hands defensively above his head.

“Don’t seduce me, you heathen,” y/n all but snaps, pointing a finger to his chest with such a fierce expression sculpting her face that Harry has to laugh, because, God, his girlfriend is adorable.

“Harry, why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?” She asked, now in a weary voice, because the events of the day really had made it impossible for her to socialize with guests and prepare for their arrival.

“I texted you, and I tried calling. Why didn’t you pick up the phone?” He asks, an irritated edge to his voice and darkening eyes. He could sense his girlfriend’s reluctance over the entire thing.

“That’s besides the point,” she mumbles, closing her eyes as she feels exhaustion sleeping into every crevice of her aching body. She was in dire need for some food and some sleep, having been starving all day she felt hungry to the point of nausea. “You should have told me days ago, Harry. Hell, even last night would have been okay! It’s not easy prepping a get together for so many people.”

Harry’s eyes darkened and his jaw clenched tensely in irritation, him stepping forward slightly and hanging his arms by his sides, shoulder stiff and the vein by his neck standing out proudly.

“It was planned today,” he said through gritted teeth and clenched fists. “Besides, it’s not like you have to do anything, I cooked all of the fucking meals, called the people, and cleaned the house, y/n! And it’s just close friends, not a circus. If you only ever picked up the phone, you would have known sooner. We can waste time speaking about this, or actually get some work done.”

Harry then walks further into the kitchen, breathing harshly and breaking eye contact from y/n, so he can keep his cool. y/n walks inside with him and her eyes immediately widen in disbelief, already sweating as she stares at the floor, swept sloppily with remainders of breadcrumbs and things they usually waited till the weekend to thoroughly clean. The counters weren’t wiped properly, and there was absolutely no decorations or even a protective sheet over the dining table or surrounding furniture. The food made y/n lose her own appetite, seeing as just the sight of the items made her silently confirm Harry had added too much salt in the turkey, and had put mayonnaise as a dressing on the salad very poorly. The rest of the items were sloppily made, and the few edible ones were takeout boxes in very small quantity.

“Harry, I can’t do this today,” y/n confesses in a small voice, raising a hand to her cheek and rubbing softly, her own comforting ministrations welcoming sleep. “it’s just too much.. i’m so tired, and I didn’t eat-“

“What did you do today?” Harry suddenly raises his voice, walking over to y/n and towering over her suddenly, his tall figure and intensely infuriated expression causing her breath to hitch slightly.

“Harry, I-“

“No, what the fuck did you do today? You went to a building by train where you sat and listened to some professors talk, and maybe did some work. Then you had lunch, sat in a few more classes and came home, y/n. How is that fucking tiring? It isn’t even exam season, so if you’re going to come up with excuses, try harder,” Harry spat, cornering her unconsciously until she’s flush against the fridge.

“It’s not even like I’m asking you for something that big. Everything’s fine the way it is, y/n. It’s a small gathering! If you weren’t bitching about it so much, we’d have everything prepped by now. Can’t you do something this small for me?” He asks, shaking his head and running a hand through his curls frustratedly. “I don’t know how this relationship is going to work if you can’t learn to sacrifice some of your time, y/n.”

The last sentence is what makes y/n’s chest ache and her head fall down, mind already filling with dark thoughts she tries to usher away of Harry discontinuing their relationship together, because of her behaviour.

“Har, i was jus’ a little tired-“ she says in a small voice, soft and begging him to stay with her as she offers to compromise, but Harry doesn’t let her finish her sentence, his controlled demeanour finally snapping into sharp, shattered pieces that pierced y/n.

“Then leave!”

His voice bellowed off of the walls of their flat, crackling at the ends with a shaking deep undertone. He had reached his breaking point, his hands moving upward with him as he yelled in frustration, causing her to flinch slightly at the volume of Harry’s voice.

“It’s not like I need you here, y/n. If you have such a fuckin’ problem organizing something for my close friends, then leave. I’m not asking you to stay or giving you a special invite. If you’re not willing to help around or support this, then you are free to get out of my flat, understood?” Harry speaks loudly, his voice icy cold and vibrating off the walls and into y/n’s ears. She whimpers, shaking her head as warm tears of betrayal trickle down her soft cheeks and fall to the ground.

“I said, understood?”

Harry raises his voice an octave impossibly higher, his voice thick with a heavy accent and impatient, his fingers red from where y/n had her eyes on them.

“Y-yeah,” she sniffles, hearing Harry give out an impatient sigh before muttering to himself, “sometimes I wonder why I keep her around and expect something from her.”

And that’s what has y/n’s mind overflowing with dark thoughts of him abandoning her for someone else, someone who was better and easier to deal with. And as these toxic thoughts invade her, she nods her head, hiding her tearstained face from Harry, so she isn’t bad again, and falls to her knees as soon as he exits the kitchen and heads to the washroom in their bedroom, scrubbing furiously at the gunk on the floors and trying to contain her upset cries.

There are more than just a few small groups of people Harry was close with. Unconsciously, he had invited too many people, but that was probably because he found it easy to grow attached to anyone with good qualities within them.

Harry flickered his eyes across the flat. There was certainly an improvement on its aesthetic since before. The flat was decorated elegantly, but delicately, and it looked like everything had been groomed to perfection, even the tiles had a certain sheen to them. Everyone had even commented on the beauty of the flat and how great the food was, causing Harry to grin with pride, content that his house get together had gone fairly well.

“Hey, Harry!” Jeff called out, “great food, mate!” And the group of people encircling the man hooted and mumbled in agreement, causing Harry to chuckle and smile brightly in return.

“Thanks! m’girlfriend got everything together, otherwise I’d be a mess.”

“Oh. Well, thanks the missus for us,” Jeff yelled back from across the room, Harry nodding with a small smile.

His girlfriend.

Harry’s eyes had been searching for y/n’s the entire night, but had came back empty, getting lost in the sea of people crowding their flat. He recalled the words he had said to her and just how he’d said them to her quite sharply, and Harry could confirm he was the biggest prick to ever descend upon the earth. He tries not to remember her face when she had seen him snap, frightened and uncomfortable. Not to mention, his angel had taken it upon herself to work herself as hard as she could within the time they had left to clean parts of the flat that would need cleaning, and cook enough and more for everyone, with Harry left grumbling while gelling his hair back in the washroom.

Pushing past close friends and mutual friends, Harry’s eyes land upon two ladies y/n was friend with, chatting and laughing while they drank wine. He quickly walks towards them, hands sweating and chest burning with hope that they would know where y/n was, and if his angel was okay or not. He needed to apologize for being such a dick and make it up to her.

“Hey, Kasey,” he greeted the tall ginger first, then nodding his head politely at the dark skinned, raven haired woman next to her, “Audrey.”

“Hi, Harry,” they chimed back, asking him how he was and a few more polite questions, which he nods at impatiently, muttering a “great” before asking them the real question.

“I’m sorry, but would you happen to know where y/n is? Haven’t been able to catch her this entire time. ‘s pretty crowded,” Harry explains, watching their faces brighten up.

“Oh, yeah! Last time we saw her, she was over there,” Audrey points over to the left far corner and Harry nods appreciatively, kissing both of their cheeks before leaving to find y/n.

After a few moments, he marches to the area they had pointed, looking around and forcing a smile onto his face to greet guests, while still trying to find his girl. Finally, Harry’s tightened chest relaxes some when he spots the outline of her figure and the precise shade of her hair. With his eyes, squinting slightly in concentration, he tries to appear casual as he speed walks to where she was talking to Ben Winston.

“Hello,” he greets Ben, the man happily chatting with both Harry and y/n now, although Harry’s eyes were trained upon his girlfriend and how she was sort of slouched over, eyes glazed and head hung. The smile she was trying to etch onto her tired face fading, as Harry took the wheel.

As Ben begins to talk as more guests surround them, of an incident involving Ruby wandering around in a plane and stealing the passengers’ blankets while they were unconscious, Harry focuses on his girlfriend, slinging an arm around her waist loosely and feeling her hide behind him slightly, letting out breaths of air unevenly and snuffling some while clutching onto Harry’s arm like a lifeline, clinging to her boyfriend. After rubbing her back lightly for some time, Harry excuses himself and laced his fingers with hers.

“We’ll be right back,” he promises the small group of people playfully teasing the couple over abandoning them.

With their hands entertained, Harry leads the two of them into a washroom nearby and y/n follows along behind him obediently, head down and eyes wide and dazed. Shutting the door behind him, Harry flicks on the switch of the washroom and light floods the room.

“Wha’s this about, hm?” He asks softly, sitting on the toilet seat and pulling her down, so her bottom and thighs are situated on his lap comfortably, his arms holding her waist and his nose rubbing against her neck as an apology. He presses light kisses to her collarbone as she sniffles some more.

“Are you mad at me?” Harry questions, heart already dropping as he brings the girl impossibly closer to him in attempts to hold her and cuddle the pain he’d caused her away.

“N-no. Of course not,” she stutters quickly. “I was jus’ in the back, didn’t want to embarrass you in front of your guests. You didnt want me there, and i was gonna leave- swear I was, but then Ben came and we started talking,” she answers in a rush. Harry’s lips turn downwards in a deep frown, confused and hurt at the words coming out of the sweet girl’s mouth.

“What d’ya mean, baby? When did I tell you I didn’t want you there? Couldn’t have said that,” he’s genuinely confused why she would ever think he’d want her to leave. He’d probably made her feel that way, the mere thought making his chest ache.

“Yes, you did,” she mumbles, soft but honest. “Y-you said I could just leave if I didn’t support you.”

Harry’s frown deepens and he holds her a little tighter, eyeing how strange she’s acting.

“I’m so sorry, didn’t mean that, sweetheart,” he confirms, kissing the corner of her mouth gently, and he decides he’ll apologize further after he gets her to admit what’s bothering her so much. “you good?” he asks, eyebrows furrowing as her eyes are all glazed and out of it when they meet his. At the question, she nods quickly.

“yes, I think so..” she trails off, lips pouting and face clinging onto his chest slightly, her fingers tracing across his forearm hesitantly. Then she peers up at him with wide, desperate eyes. “‘m your good girl still, right, daddy?”

That’s when Harry stiffens, holding a curious, dazed y/n on his lap, her slipping deeper under. That’s when he knows she’s fallen into subspace. He merely swallows doen his general surprise and gives the wide eyed girl on his lap a quick nod.

“Daddy’s good girl. ‘m best girl,” he confirms, watching as her cheeks deepen into a happy blush, her clinging into his soft t-shirt and the moving of her lips indicating speech.

“If ‘m your best girl, that means I don’t have to go forever, right, daddy?”

The words are muffled against the fabric of his shirt, but they still sting.

“What? When did I say you had to go forever? Don’t remember saying that,” his voice is firm, but his insides are turning in disgust, if something like that had actually slipped from his lips.

“Yes, you did,” she argues, earning a soft tut from him, causing her to melt into his lap again, lips jutting forward in a pout he doesn’t bother to tell her to put away, because he needs to know. “Y’said ‘sometimes I wonder why I keep her around’, and ‘If you’re not willing to help around or support this, then you are free to get out of my flat,” y/n imitates him in a small voice, and Harry feels like shit to say the least.

The reason being he’d become so mad and irrational over the entire disagreement that he’d caused y/n to believe that he truly didn’t want her there, and was threatening to end their relationship over something this small. Harry had never, and would never, purposefully cause this wave of impending abandonment to wash over his sweet girlfriend.

“come here, babygirl,” he instructs, voice raspy and calm, but still edged to dominant demand. She skootches in his lap, impossibly closer to him and her bum softly moving along Harry’s thick thighs, his hand holding her by the hip firmly. After reaching a comfortable position, she rests her head onto his warm chest, eyes droopy and body desperate to touch his in every way possible.

“Open up,” Harry instructs in a raspy, yet firm voice, tapping on her wet mouth with two fingers. She opens up obediently, staring up at him with slightly wet eyes as she blinkingly opens her mouth wide enough for Harry to push his rough, long fingers into her warm mouth. She suckled on them softly, whimpering a little as the metallic tang that came with his ring clad fingers hit her soft tongue.

“Didn’t mean for you to leave forever, yeah?” He begins, voice raspy and quiet, but injected with importance. “daddy was angry, button. he was so angry he said things he shouldn’t have, but he didn’t want his sweet girl to leave, yeah? only ever gave her the option, that, too, when he was really mad. ‘s not baby’s fault, okay? daddy was jus’ bein’ a fuckin’ meanie.”

After this explanation, y/n nods understandingly against his chest, arms wrapping around his hips tighter, him half swaddling her like a baby.

“Y’understand?” He asks, making sure to her her to vocally agree. Harry slips his fingers out of her mouth, and can’t help but groan slightly as she unlatched with a soft noise, his fingers wet.

“mhm. daddy was being a meanie. i didn’t do anything wrong,” she answers in a soft, but believing voice, unwavering, and Harry nods quick and in confirmation.

“Need t’tell daddy when he’s being bad, yeah? Could have run you a bath sooner, if you had told me how you were feeling. Would’ve sent them all home.”

At this, y/n’s head tilts to the side interestedly. “A bath?” she asks, mumbling in loss when Harry nods a ‘yes’.

“Wanna bath please, daddy,” she requests politely, in a soft voice that was much calmer than before. Harry smirks.

“C’mon then, princess,” he starts in a deep, guttural voice, first leaning his head downwards and pushing his lips against her plushy, soft ones, moving them warmly against hers before softly sucking and nipping st her bottom lip. By the time he’s done, she’s warm in the cheeks and even more dizzy. Still smirking, he pulls back from the teasing kiss and tuts when he hears her whine.

“Strip fo’ daddy, jus’ have to take care of a few things first,” he demands, “by the time i’m back, you better be naked. no clothes.”

She nods, gulping, but sighing happily as he grabs a few fluffy towels and some bath bombs they wanted to try since earlier before.

Harry slips out of the washroom and tells all of the guests it was getting late, apologizing and mentioning y/n’s university classes, to which they all nod understandingly. Afterwards, he locks the door and slips back into the washroom, watching y/n strip.

Walking behind her and placing a warm hand on her soft, exposed tummy, he thumbs at her hips before instructing her to sit on the toilet seat, while he runs the bath. After throwing in some bubbling soap and a few baby pink and lilac bath bombs, they’re both inside of the tub, and it’s quiet. Harry’s washing y/n gently as thewarm water glides over her body as he carefully washes her breasts and moves lower down to her stomach and thighs. She leans back against his chest, sighing, whimpering and closing her eyes in satisfaction. He’s careful to wash a few bruises on her hips, frowning (“these weren’t here last night,”).

It’s soft and slow, and she trusts the man holding her completely. She’s giggling slightly as his wet curls tickle her neck, before it transitions into a soft moan when he moves his wet hand down the slopes of her body, pushing a finger into her, filling her and caressing her slick walls. y/n writhes under his hold, breathing heavily as he pushes the rough, long finger inside of her before pulling out slightly and pushing back even deeper inside with his middle and fore finger. The sound of her wetness and Harry’s encouraging words (“come on, baby. cum.”) acting as a seranade as she lets out a long, soft moan as her walls clench around his fingers and she slumped against his chest, him continuing to wash her gently and mumble soothing words into her ears.

After getting her wrapped up in warm, heated towels and a fluffy bathrobe, and making sure to get some warm food and water into her, he changes her into a fresh pair of panties and one of his sweatshirts. She’s mumbling incoherent things, clinging to him as he slips her legs through the her underwear and carries her to their bedroom, making sure to tuck her in the bed, place her head on the pillow in just the right place, then quickly spoon her to sleep, rubbing circles into her hips and brushing his warm, chapped lips to her neck.

as she’s floating into blissful unconsciousness, with strong, warm arms holding her against his chest, she’s damn sure her Harry will always be there to take care of her.

The one where she’s floating, but he knows how to take care of her.

I’ve never written something like this before, so it’s rlly bad then soz lmao. idek what the whole smut thing was i hope i don’t go to hell. please read this. byee

MASTERLIST| Requests are open!

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagines tfln #harry styles imagines #harry styles preferences #one direction imagines #larry #one direction #one direction preferences

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velvet-tread · 6 years ago

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Unfiltered sweary mess: 507 edition

I had thoughts so I decided to this again. Let’s hope it doesn’t become a habit.

Let’s start with the Bellarke of it all, and the sheer joy of seeing them hustle up a plan together on the fly. AND LISTEN I am not on the #bellamysucksnow train, or the #bellarkeisdead train either and as such fair warning there is squee incoming. It feels like the core of the show has returned to us after s4’s barren years and IT IS GREAT. And honestly? I don’t care that romance isn’t in the air between them RIGHT NOW. I thought I would mind but I don’t. It feels right. It feels true to Bellamy, and it feels true to Clarke, and it feels exactly like the vibe I’d expect and want between two characters who love and respect each other and their choices, who have been apart for so long and need to reconnect. Let’s do right by Clarke and Bellamy, yeah? We’ve waited for 4 seasons (the last of which gave us sweet fa) we can wait a little longer.

And seriously, even if it turns out they are just beautiful co-leaders with a lot of professional respect for each other (yeah RIGHT) they could never, ever kill that relationship for me as long as they are in scenes together like this. I don’t care if they don’t bang (call me out on my lies someone), but the concurrent Bellarke scenes in the dining hall, and the triffid room, and then on Echo-watch just gave me so many OTP vibes. Bellarke are at their most effective when they’re together, even better when they have the support of their genius friends. And we got a return of the Bellarke dry-as comedy double act WTF @the100writersroom are you trying to be good at your jobs or something.

Top bantz, as we’d say in Essex.

Too bad the Bellarke unity ain’t gonna last, but thankfully, Bellarke are just as awesome when they are just…very angry and exasperated with each other ok, but DON’T HURT YOUR PRECIOUS SELF I MAY BE FURIOUS BUT WHEN DID YOU LAST SLEEP AND DO YOU NEED SOMETHING TO EAT

Great to have Monty back in the frame cutting through everyone’s bullshit. I thought he’d been relegated to a bit part this season. Oh ye of little faith. Does anyone realise that Monty is the biological weapon earth forgot? Put that angry face in a room with Octavia and see how long it takes for her to crack and wither from Monty’s externalised disappointment with everyone and everything.

Bellamy burning Octavia ow ow ow. I’ve already spoken about this at some length but damn that hurt. And it was deserved, but still spoke to the depth of his contempt for Blodreina.

Which brings me to…BELLARKE V BLODREINA: GRUDGE MATCH

And man, was this grudge match some time coming. To make sure the audience was VERY CLEAR on EVERYONE’S MORAL STANDING, the show helpfully prepped us with some little reminders that Bellamy helped commit a massacre, and Clarke did a load of horrible human testing in Becca’s lab last season. Thanks show.

So, all armed and loaded, the mud slinging began, and boy was it awesome. First of all Bellarke takes Octavia to task about the worms and TURNS OUT OCTAVIA DIDN’T KNOW which get a grip on power here Octavia because it’s slipping from your grasp faster than you can say Wonkru Barbecue (shoutout to @mego42 – your time is coming). But Miller obviously watched the earlier part of the show and recapped for Octavia just in time because she’s ready for that shit and fires everyone’s dark past back at them. Cue: Bellamy’s best frowny face and Eliza Taylor’s saddest, most regretful Clarke eyes.

Bellarke disarmed and cowed (for now) live to fight another war they don’t want to fight.

But Octavia’s grudge match continues in her office when Indra enters with the intention of being reasonable, which is exactly the kind of shit Blodreina has warned her about before so help her god.

Indra is, obviously, the Queen of Everything and My Heart and delivers some bitchass Truths as Indra is wont to do and Octavia rewards her by throwing what my mind remembers as a skull but was probably a paperweight because why would Octavia have a skull in her office *nervous laughter*

Indra leaves, still Queen of Everything and My Heart, but not before delivering a portentous warning about losing yourself in the dark, which obviously Octavia is not going to listen to because DAUGHTERS, MAN.

Talking of daughters, Madi trying to suck at training was the most adorbs thing I’ve seen in a long time, guys and I am subscribed to a LOT of cat blogs. And man I felt for her. Sucking at anything sucks, and sucking on PURPOSE is just the height of unfair. And she’s in a new school! And the other kids are mean! And maybe they eat people!

Serious question though: from whence did Madi learn her swordswomanship? Clarke? Helios? Roan? (too soon?).

But don’t blame Clarke, Madi! Clarke’s Madi feels are pretty much on a par with mine which means she wants to cry every time she looks at her earnest little face AND CLARKE I FEEL THAT SO HARD YOUR BABY IS ADORABADASS. Which also means MAMA MODE ACTIVATED when Vodka Aunt Octavia starts messing up that precious braid she put in Madi’s hair earlier.

Hey Vodka Aunt, you don’t just get to come in here and make executive choices about Madi’s career, especially given your past efforts at parenting *looks at Ethan*

Oh, oh, oh and WE GOT A RETURN OF THE MUSICAL INTERLUDE! It was like Knocking on Heaven’s Door and Early Seasons feels all over again. But I gotta say Jason, fresh from the Sense8 finale my musical interlude expectations are higher these days and I was a bit disappointed there wasn’t a dance off. Perhaps an orgy or an endgame B/C/E triad instead? *Wanheda jaw clench*

But anyway that whole sequence of Clarke sending Madi off to her first day of training sent me in to a spiral of sadness that lasted for a lot of minutes I wasn’t counting. It was very sad and I am sad about it. Poor Clarke. Just as well Octavia helped her remember she’s motherfucking Wanheda.

MY GIRL ECHO MY GIRLING UP THE HOUSE.

Let’s just take a moment to appreciate what a babe Echo kom Spacekru nee Azgeda is. First of all: EVIDENCE OF SPACE GIRL SQUAD and I am all here for that. Second of all Echo is officially the first person on the show to get one over of Colonel Charmaine Diyoza SOMEONE GET ME A FUCKING SHOT.

And listen up everyone who bashes at their keyboards dribbling with rage about the things other women like on television: I love ladies with swords and if you want an apology for that you’ll have to prise it out of my cold dead body. But can we just take a (second) moment to appreciate that for all of Echo’s badass sword skills, she is Clarke Griffining up this joint like a motherfucker. Echo is as Slytherin as Clarke and as sneaky as Clarke and as smart as Clarke and that manoeuvre she executed with Zeke and Raven was 100% a Clarke Griffin move, don’t @ me.

It’s almost like….they’re similar….on purpose….

Shout out to all the smart, insecure girls who aren’t sure if they belong. Learn to swordfight, use your brain, and get yourself a girl squad and a soft space dad boyfriend.

Sidebar: Clarke’s faith that Echo would take the eye down and her admiration when she does will keep me in Clecho feels for months.

But friends…I am the most fervent of Echo stans and Becho shippers and I am AFEARED. She is very much circling the abyss here and it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. I believe Raven will forgive her (FOR WHAT CAN SOMEONE PLS ENLIGHTEN ME AS TO WHAT RAVEN IS SO PISSED ABOUT??) and I believe the rest of Spacekru will 100% understand what she did because it was presented to us as an understandable choice. But but but… what’s next? Diyoza ain’t gonna take the turn the other cheek approach to learning that Echo took down her eye in the sky. What if her next move is to make *Echo* her eyes in exchange for safe passage for Spacekru?

*sweats forever*

That seems like a Diyoza move. And like…where would that leave Echo with Bellamy? Her choice would be: tell him and risk the whole mission and/or turn him into a lying liar to his sister too, or not tell him and risk their entire relationship and hurt him very badly. I think I know which one my loyal girl would choose and how that would end.

Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

*ugly crying*

I’m not ready.

Okay it’s time for a Raven rant. What the hell is going on with Raven this season? Raven has had some beautifully executed arcs in the past, and I am high key here for her to finally get some NC-17 action now she’s done all that Work On Herself, but if Raven’s arc in s5 amounts to RAVEN DIDN’T GET BONED FOR 6 YEARS AND NOW SHE’S GETTING BONED then Imma flip a table.

Sidebar#2 obviously Raven got boned on the Ring, it’s not like they would have had a space orgy without her, come ON.

And just… I’m sorry I don’t get the Zaven. When they released the s5 pics I thought WOWZA these two are gonna be gr9 together and LOOK HE’S A SPACE EXPLORER. How could this possibly go wrong? But somehow, they’ve managed to introduce a character who, on his own, is 10x as compelling as Wick, but has about -100% of the chemistry with Raven. Which is???? Some kind of alchemy??? how has that happened? I love Zeke! I love Raven!!! They’re both MAGNETIC on screen. On paper they should be a perfect fit but it’s like whenever they’re in the same scene together I have the sudden urge to check my emails.

And someone, please, just tell me what work Zaven is doing for either of these characters. What’s Raven’s conflict? How does Zeke resolve it? Is it *literally* Raven being presented with a hot dude with a similar skill set? Sorry I’m out.

And before anyone comes at me with the usual packet of whining about how Echo has stolen all of Raven’s screentime, I’d beg you all to remember that there is no law saying that one woman’s time on tv has to be at the expense of another and this is a GIANT SEXIST TRAP DO NOT FALL FOR IT.

Talking of out, Kabby is also circling the drain and [averts eyes from discourse].

But I’m calling Diyoza’s ship name, and if she bangs Kane I hereby pronounce it TEQUILA [whatever Kane’s ship name is, someone hmu].

OK I need to talk about Gaia now before I get shot down by a thunderbolt. The girl creeps me tf out but I SOMEHOW LOVE HER NOW. This is new and unnerving because feverish religious types are not usually my jam ESPECIALLY if they present Clarke’s daughter with a creepy sacred flash drive that they want to insert in her neck, but somehow Tati Gabrielle nails that line, even if my reaction seeing the Flame was exactly the same as my reaction to seeing the worms.

But I believe Gaia’s intentions, while creepy, are pure. And WHO PICKED UP on how fluid her loyalty is? She will serve Blodreina faithfully as long as she reigns. Huh.

In other news McCreary, and more importantly McCreary’s undercut, were absent from this episode I hope they are both enjoying Memori’s couples counselling retreat. I look forward to seeing his glazed expression next week as I cry my Becho tears.

#rach reviews #507 #usm #is the tag #the100 #bellarke #clarke griffin #becho #bellamy blake #octavia blake #echo kom azgeda #raven reyes #morning reblog

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audible--silence · 3 years ago

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Words from the north - the whole unedited note from my phone

Words from the north

Watching the sunset over the Cape range tunes. A light yellow through to dark blue gradient swings through the sky with a string of Aqua running down the centre a single star sits above as a full moon shines lightening up the town of Exmouth after a day spent in the sun in the sand

I am convinced the only difference between the average joe and a poet is one pays attention to life, understands the dictionary and writes things down

From the one day the conditions called for hoodies and cameras rather than wetsuits and surfboards

Smelling like mosquito spray, salt water and sweat is a way of life

Surf forecast up here looks like sitting in SoSo looking out the window staring at a palm tree to figure out what the wind is doing and asking ya mates that walk in the door “hows the surf?”

You know you’re doing something right when you start feeling guilty for all the fun you’re having

And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you meddling kooks

From that one time we thought itd be a good time to be homeless together for a week. By the end of it we were somewhere between brothers, lovers and mortal enemies all at once

#fucktony

#whothefuckistony

Sea’s of red dirt and shrubs for hours and hours and hours on end

Karijini

The sound of birds chirping, the wind rustling through the tall grass and the camp fire crackling away as the sun hides away behind the towering mountains im front of us. Shades of purple, red and yellow take over from the normal red, green and blue that make up the scene. I relax into a camp chair as twilight starts to take over. Indi is editing photos while Noems takes charge of dinner. Despite many attempts at offering help, we were both benched from kitchen duties. Another day of adventure comes to a close and the contentment sets in alongside the anticipation of what tomorrow may hold

Worth the wakeup knock on the car at 4am in the freezing cold

Worth the bitter windchills knocking our balance on the slippery rocky path up in the dark

Worth racing the sun to the top of the mountain

Worth choosing between having my fingers warm or my camera in my hand

Worth struggling to see by the light of a phone torch

Worth not feeling my fingers for two hours

Worth it for the golden yellow and blue light peeling over the horizon

Worth it for the feeling of being awake and alive before the sun is up

Worth it for the view of the cliffs side

Worth it for seeing the wind blasting trees

Worth it for the view from the top

Worth it for the oranges on the way down

Worth it for the tunes and singalongs

Worth it for the smoked salmon croissants

Worth it for the snacks and the beers in the carpark

But first, let me check my engine oil 🤙

You can tell where all our money went when you look at us, none of it went into shoes

At a fucked up level though thats just evolution. The strongest survive (colonialism)

“But what are ya gonna do with that information though? Just make your own meaning and chase that” (on the topic of the meaning of life)

The ritual of fires every evening after a days adventure and then every morning to boil the water for our coffee before we go again

The grit that came off my skin

The knots that became of my hair

The red dust that washed off me as I stepped into the first bit of hot water id felt in what felt like a very long time

The black under my finger nails

The red and yellow stains on my hands that the soap didnt wash off.

The holes in my shorts, tshirts and sweater

The red stains on my towel after drying my face

The rash on my face after shaving

Tilting your head back in ya camp chair to escape the heat of the roaring campfire and getting a glimpse at the sky absolutely glowing with stars was a constant reminder of how fucking good we’d got it

And you say sheeeeeesh

nice garyyyy

“Oi dad, what are ya doin?”

“25 ak47’s and a piece of plywood, thats what im doin”

Im in full travel mode now. All i think about is whens my next meal, when do i have work and hows the surf. Also wheres my weed.”

This post brought to you by…

All my friends do lots of drugs

“Ya livin the dream ya lucky shit” - taes dad, post

surf

An observation about all the people you see on social media who you idolize in some capacity: when you meet them in real life, no matter how much idolization or importance you think they carry, when you meet them in person, they all still behave like normal people

I’ve completely left behind my old way of life.

I’ve forgotten what its like to go to a bar.

To dress cool.

To think about what im wearing.

To think about impressing people.

To think about who to see.

To think about what event to choose from.

I’ve forgotten what its like to look up at tall buildings.

To see lots of concrete.

To walk past unfamiliar faces that dont smile when you walk past them.

To order coffee in a takeaway cup.

To eat nice food.

To see my friends at pica bar for drinks at the last minute plan

There came a time about two months in where i began to get over it all.

Doing dishes with a water bottle and a tea towel that smelt like smoke. Sitting in the drivers seat on your phone, tired because you dont want to have to brush your teeth with a water bottle and climb like a contortionist into your car’s bed every night. Sick of having to plan when i want to take a shit. Sick of having to set up and pack down my kitchen every time i want a coffee or some lunch.

Sick of not having anywhere to be but knowing im in one of the most beautiful places in the world and feeling a burning pressure to see it all. Sick of having to buy ice every two days

Sick of emptying water from my esky

Sick of laundromats and planning how long I’ll last on a single outfit

Sick of worrying if im spending too much time sitting in the cafe

Sick of being the tag along in everybody else’s group of mates

Sick of drinking beer every shift

As time goes by, you learn the intricacies of a place. Where all the rocks are on the track to the camp. Who in the carpark not to wave at and who to have a chat to. Where and when to be to get a free drink. How to steal a shower. When

More and more i find while living out of my car thst routine is important. Something to ground you. For me, its making coffee out of the car, no matter how inconvenient it is. Before inevitably giving up and buying an oat flatty at soso. - talk more about habits

Some things that dont grow old:

Seeing the surf going off

Seeing familiar faces out and about

Turtles next to you in the water

Whales breaching in the distance

The moon rising over the ocean or the ranges

The sky full of stars when the moon doesn’t shine

The sun and the warmth no matter the season

Town beach hangs with good crew

The feeling of a shower after a few days of salt water

The people at work

The chats at work

Free beer at work

The life in the oceans

The vibe of fun

Never knowing where you’re gonna end up after you wake up

Whatd you see when you nearly died?

A big pair of tittys and a snickers bar

The moon rises in front of me for the third night in a row. I watch it from my car, a leftover slice of pizza from work in one hand and my phone in the other. Im one of the very few people lucky enough to witness this insanely beautiful sight and yet it feels in this moment it feels unextraordinary. How spoilt with wonder must you be for this to feel normal. The same goes for this whole place. This is paradise and right now this is home. This is standard. Only when I get back to Perth and am able to look back with the 20/20 vision that is hindsight and realize just how special it all was.

I wish I was more conscious at the hour of 6am, snug in my bed, parked in the bush as the sun rises over the bay in front of me. An explosion of pink and gold dominates the sky, shining through the bushes and the trees around me. The sound of the waves crashing behind the birds chirping. An easterly wind rustles lightly through the trees. I’m so sure it’s beautiful. If only I was awake to take it all in.

Instead, i roll over and try and escape the golden light for a minute or two more.

Hey siri play lots of nothing by spacey jane

Sometimes Id like not to feel like a fugitive when i take a shower, other times, the stars as my landlord is a pretty good deal

Its not a mistake its a decision

Maker of questionable decisions

I dont wanna face this day for fear of what will come. For I know how good it can be, and I know the fuckery that this day holds

Holy fuck thats a lot of cars

Yeah its cos nobody fuckin lives anywhere

To be fair I’d stalk you

A happy change of plans

Like all good road trips, this one started out with unfortunate circumstance, poor planning and a significant lack of caution. We planned for months to leave WA and drive across the nullabor, up through NSW and into QLD and at the 11th hour, three days before we were due to leave, we find out that covid has closed the borders. Again.

So with a house I had already moved out of, a plan in shambles on behalf of a big bad virus, and a car all prepped and ready to leave, we did the only reasonable thing to do. Changed course by a few thousand km’s and headed north with no idea what we would do, where we would sleep, what we would eat, where we would stay, who we would hang with and where we would surf.

Our first day saw lots of last minute preparations, plenty of driving to all manner of songs and podcasts from everything to the worlds dumbest grifters to Australian alcoholics talking about orgasms. I shut the door on 25 Chatham Road for the last time. We drove through familiar and unfamiliar roads. Memories of standing on the side of these very roads ripe in my mind. Except this time, with my whole life in the backseat of the car, in a setup Reubs and I built. Hell of an upgrade from a backpack and a thumb. After hours of rolling green hills, that resembled what I imagine new zealand to look like we parked up on the side of the road. Very true to form. We set up the tent, brushed our teeth and had dinner in the form of a banana and a beer and then got to bed as the sun set. I woke up at 25 Chatham and now I find myself falling asleep somewhere between Northampton and Kalbarri in my car.

“Traveling is just tetris on wheels mate”

No matter how far away you travel to try and escape modern society, if you look up at night, you will still see a satellite and you will be reminded that no matter where you go, you are a member of a species that can get itself to space

Shit i like:

Squeezing kenny

Cooking in car parks

Paying for wifi and toilets with beer or hot chocolates

Surfing. All day

Chatting shit

Brownies

Staring at the stars

Dunes

Eating brownies, chatting shit and staring at the stars under the shade at dunes.

Hunters

Making new friends everywhere

Chatting to literally everyone

Having nowhere to be and never thinking about home

Telling Tony to get fucked

Surfing bombie and paddling back in twilight glassy waters

Dinners and laughs with friends in the whalebone carpark

Breaking into RAC for a shower

Coffee dates at soso

Waking up to ben packing a tent

Laughing till my ribs hurt

Tonic water with lime

No internet for weeks

Chatting to esther and alice at dunes

Staring at groms wiping out

Carpark hangs

Never having an empty passenger seat

Never being able to see out the rear view mirror

Never being alone

Cooking in the carpark opposite the cop shop

Drying shit on the car every time we parked

Listening to lots of nothing a million times

Chaos at froth consisting of surprise drinks, random chats and boats

And the curtain closes.

On two months and nine days of nonstop adventure and fun. Unpredictable, unprecedented fun. The people you met were of a caliber I’d not encountered and never considered to be my own but from the get go and proved time and time again over the course of my time up north, they were.

I dont know how I’m going to fare when I get off this plane in two hours and have to see my parents, exist in cold weather, deal with a broken car, find a place to call home, figure out a new job and find my way with my friends who I can never be the same with after this.

The wheels are up. Fleeting views of the ningaloo coast and the cape range out each side of the planes window; a farewell of what I’m going to be missing. The red dirt and wildflowers underneath us where I’ve spent most of my nights sleeping look exactly as they always are. Untouched and still. I know I’ll be back soon. I’ve got so much more to see. So many more people left to meet. So many more memories left to make. So many more waves left to surf. So many more beers left to pour. So many more sunsets left to see.

Exmouth, for two months you sure have changed me.

Tiger,

I dont know your history brother but if i had to take a look into your past im guessing id see a lot of pain, chaos, missing love and bad mates who dont know that they’re bad.

You’re a good dude man im so fuckin sure of it but you seem so hell bent on starting a fight and proving a point. To whom i dont know. Your break up has obviously destroyed you and your coping mechanism is alcohol and trying to get with women. You’re incredibly kind and generous to your friends and a fierce antagonist to anyone who isn’t. You need help and you know it but you dont know how to find it or who to ask.

The hardest thing about you is that you need to change your whole view of life. Theres more than you think to it. I know there’s someone in there waiting to be found. I wanna be the guy holding the torch while you search.

You’re a good guy,

I dont wanna see you get killed by some drunk in a fight or waste yourself away in a bottle and a job you hate because you didn’t know there was another option.

0 notes

drv3imagines · 7 years ago

Photo

I’m pretty sure this is what anon meant when they said Neko Maid… (Someone stop me please…I am having way too much fun) anyway, if this is an anime reference (outside of the popular AU/costume) I have never seen the anime and I am very sorry. For this ask I will assume by Neko Maid you are referring to the typical anime maid style with cat ears, a tail, and sometimes paws, if that is not correct I will accept criticisms and change it as soon as I can. Thanks for bearing with me and enjoy~ Sidenote: I’m keeping it gender neutral because there was no specified pronouns.

Rantaro Amami * The two of you were doing some season transitionary cleaning one afternoon, when you found it. * Rantaro was helping you dust off some antique snow globes one moment, then rushed out of the attic the next. * He had no idea what just happened, and your not-even-half explanation was no help either. * Fifteen minutes had almost passed before his curiosity began to eat away at him, that’s when finally you revealed yourself. * “Ohohoho~ So that’s what was taking you so long?~” * You smiled and stepped down completely from the ladder, doing a showing twirl of your entire outfit. * “And a tail? I wonder what I’d have to do to see you like this all the time~”

Korekiyo Shinguuji * Korekiyo had recently began to show interests in animal companionship in humanity. It only occurred to him after a certain animal loving classmate accidentally relayed their high interest in animals. * Every time you’d visit his home, his room had been left in a worse condition than your last visit. Who knew that animal companionship had soooo much research built into it. * But he was managing the work load, while his organization skills seemed to be lacking as of late. * That’s when an idea struck you. * While he was locked away in his room, nose-deep in a book relating to felines and their history amongst Egyptians, the doorbell sounded. * He heavily desired to just ignore whoever it was and continue his reading…but they were persistent. * Sighing, he finished the last portion of the paragraph, and made his way to rejoin society. * Although the situation did strike him as odd…hardly did he ever have visitors unless they were you…and you always called…perhaps– * Nope, throw all theories out the window. * “Nya~ Hello, Mr. Shinguuji. I heard your home was in need of some special cleaning~” * “Well I will most certainly accept the assistance of such an interesting and generous maid~ Please watch your step.”

Kaito Momota * Honestly…how you even got on the subject of Neko Maids is still a mystery to this very day… * But Kaito admits that he didn’t really like the whole vibe of it. * I mean, it was cute sure, a lot of people can pull off the look, but it’s just not his thing. * Major disappointing… * Maybe…there was a way to convince him otherwise~ * After dropping the topic, you moved your conversation onto something else, but your plot was still burning in the back of your mind. * A few days later, you and Kaito meet up again and- * “S/o?! Wow…you look…wow…” * “Maybe Mewmota would apurrtiate the quality of Neko Maids neow that his wuver is going to dress like one furever~” * “And to think I didn’t have a thing for Neko Maids ;)”

Kokichi Ouma * Even though he wouldn’t say, you could tell something was off about your jokester boyfriend. * It was like a huge rain cloud was just above his head, but the sun was was still visible confusing you about whether it would rain or not. * So you decided to set up an adorable surprise for him. * Even though it was hecka illegal…Ouma had done this plenty of times to you…so you figured it’d be okay…hopefully… Anyway you picked his front lock, as you’ve seen him done plenty of times before and awaited for him to return for his “secret society” meet. * An hour had gone by when he finally returned looking exhausted…maybe it was wrong to– * “Alright, whoever you are, I know you’re hiding! I’m armed and not afraid to use this!” * Whoa?? What??? * You slowly revealed yourself from behind his couch, completely at the mercy of your boyfriend. * “S/o?” * “I know what you’re going to say! And I-I just wanna say at the time it seemed like a good idea…but now…” * “You look sooooo cute~~~” * He’s latched onto you in seconds, covering your face with butterfly kisses. * Later on, you find out he was bluffing about being armed, but how the heck did he know you were there???

Shuuichi Saihara * It started when Shuuichi wasn’t paying any attention to you while he was visiting your house. * Call it clingy, but you did invite him so that you two could hang out. * It was understandable that he had a ton of work, but he could have just declined your offer… * Hmm…perhaps it was time mister detective took a short break from his most recent case. * He was absolutely lost in his work, failing to notice you slipping out of the room. However, when he finally became aware of your absence, he raised a small alarm. * It had been quiet for a long time… * He sets his notebook aside to go check on you, wherever you had disappeared off to. * Guest room? No, this is their house, why would they be in the guest room? Bathroom? The light was off and the door was open. * He had searched just about every room, leaving your parents’ room and your room. His money was going to be on the only room with a light on…which he should’ve checked first…but y'know…thoroughness… * The door was obviously wide open, hence the light flooding out of it…but he didn’t expect you to be struggling to change still. * Insta-nosebleed. * “Shuuichi…you do know that all I had left to put on were socks right?” * “I-I know…but you look…really…nice…” * Help him…

Kiibo * This whole thing started out with him asking questions about cosplaying. * “Why do humans do it? Is there any benefit one reaps by pretending to be someone or something else?” * Um yes?!? Is that even a question?!? * Before you went on a huge rant about how effing amazing cosplay is, you decided you could show him better than you could tell him. * Digging through your old cosplays you found the most classic of the classic… * “Alright, Kiiboi time to show you the great power of the Neko Maid!~ Nya (roar)~” * … * It takes a minute for him to analyze what exactly he was seeing. * “Perhaps Kirumi would appreciate the aesthetic of your maid costume?” * 🙃 * You spend the rest of the afternoon explaining with charts, 2010 YouTube videos, and PowerPoints just how important this relic was to the anime community.

Gonta Gokuhara * Today you decided to go through your closet, prepping your old clothes for donations, or tossing out the really worn ones when you found it. * Ah yes, the pinnacle of your cosplaying days…the blessed Neko Maid costume. * You figured it would be fun to try it on one last time before prepping it for give away to some other otaku– that’s when the doorbell rang. * Just as you answered the door, you took in the spiffy image of your giant boyfriend in a nice suit, sporting a bouquet of flowers. * “Gonta hopes you like the flowers he got for you for our date! He thinks they match your eyes perfectly! Oh?” * Mother… * You completely forgot about your date tonight with all the reminiscing in your closet. * “Sorry Gonta, I-I should hurry and go get dressed…” * “But Gonta thinks you look really nice in your maid outfit! He thinks it is really…cute!” * His blushing face was just too much to say no to…even though it would be really embarrassing…you agreed to go out to dinner in your Neko Maid costume. * Despite all the strange looks you received, Gonta’s constant compliments were enough to block off all the haters. Perhaps you should make this a regular thing on your dates~

Ryoma Hoshi * You know the guy has a strong fondness when it comes to cats, and you didn’t wanna give off the wrong impression by dressing in an entire cat suit. * So instead you settled for a more popular and socially acceptable genre. * Neko Maid! * “Nya~ Ryomew~ Look! I dressed like a kitty cat maid~ Meow!” * As soon as he looks up– * *internal screams* * He’s gotta keep his cool. * But. You. Look. So. Effing. Cute!!!!! * KEEP. YOUR. COOL. * He tries to tell you that it looks nice, but due to his internal conflicts, his voice slightly cracks, and after that you haven’t seen or heard from him for the rest of the week day. * But he absolutely adores this outfit, maybe someday he will be Adult™ enough to stick around and say it to your face. * As of right now…he’s got a bad boi image to protect, at least he’s gotta make you think he’s cool.

#Nya roar~#omg someone please eradicate my existence #😂#I did my best to stay away from hurtful words like 'weeb' or 'furry'...#I didn't want to insult anyone and if this is your thang then honey do you #I honestly think it's cute and a classic #Rantaro Amami #Korekiyo Shinguuji #Kaito Momota #Kokichi Ouma #Shuuichi Saihara #Kiibo #Gonta Gokuhara #Ryoma Hoshi #Mod Tojo

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blind-rats · 8 years ago

Text

Veronica Mars Movie Costume Designer Interview

Genevieve Tyrrell dished on Veronica’s grown-up steez, Bonnie’s rock-roots fashion inspiration, and why modern-day Logan presented her with a “wardrobe conundrum.”

So when you signed on to the film, what was your first step in planning the characters’ style?

We did a breakdown of the progression of the characters. With Veronica in particular, because the series has a more ’90s sensibility, we wanted to show the passage of time, to show that she had graduated college, that she was this professional New York adult woman now. We also set about to make the initial changes that we see at the beginning in New York be different from what we then were moving to when she gets back to Neptune.

Salvador Perez (Veronica Mar series costume designer) mentioned you hadn’t seen much of the series. Did you end up having to watch a lot of it to get prepped?

Well, I watched the first season and the last season, and I talked to Sal about how he saw the characters during the series, and he gave me a ton of information about their personalities, which was incredibly helpful. And then, you know, talking to [creator] Rob [Thomas], talking to some of the producers—because we see the characters in this one-week period in the movie. Dick and Logan and everybody has had life happen since we last saw them, so it was important to get that information.

What would you say are some of the signature differences between Veronica’s New York and Neptune style?

Well, she definitely goes from a more-polished business look to a more casual, funky—back to the roots of who Veronica was back in the series. Back then she wore a lot of denim jackets, or, you know, T-shirts with jeans, all with a colorful canvas jacket.

We wanted to keep some of those silhouettes. So when we get back to Neptune, there’s a lot of Helmut Lang and AllSaints and Paige Denim. She’s more mature. She’s also developed a sophistication away from Neptune and away from that life. The series was much more colorful, but again, they were kids. I feel like we kept a much stricter palette in the film to age them a little.

And as Veronica transitions from New York style to her Neptune roots, she goes from fitted blazers to leather jackets?

Right. She wore a lot of cropped denim jackets and things like that in the series—and there are a couple places that I placed a striped T-shirt with a little cropped denim jacket on her. Like when you see her in her full Veronica Mars P.I. garb.

In the series, Veronica is known for having black boots and a militarist vibe. As an adult, does she have any signature accessories?

Yeah, she wears two things: Little initial earrings, one’s a V and one’s an M—they’re very small—and then she also wears these little star earrings that harken back to the original series.

As in the star necklace that Lilly gave her?

Yeah. We wanted to replicate that, to give the Marshmallows some of those key pieces. That’s also why we brought back the bag that she used in the series. There’s a few Easter eggs that were original to the series.

We learned that while the show was filming, the wardrobe was meticulously organized in a warehouse. Was it easy to get these pieces?

Funnily enough, the girl who is the archivist for Warner Bros. was a big fan of the series, and so when it wrapped, she went through the boxes of wardrobe and pulled out tons of stuff she thought was important to keep, which, I mean, is crazy in a way. Who would ever think that this many years later there would be a movie? That you would need any of it? The odds are so completely against that.

Speaking of fans, some of the donors to the Kickstarter campaign got to be extras. What was it like to style them?

Honestly, that’s one of the things that was so great. Everyone would come with this wonderful energy and enthusiasm to be part of this. And there were just amazing stories of people who had traveled across the country, and had been a fan forever, and it just made the vibe like the best independent film you could ever work on. People will complain about being on a low-budget production, but nobody ever complained about being on this movie.

You mentioned Veronica is wearing Helmut Lang and AllSaints. Did you have specific designers in mind for the other characters? Who were you drawn to for Logan?

He has such a great upper body, and it becomes one of those things, like, it’s such a shame to put him in anything loose-fitting, silhouette-wise. So there’s a lot of T-shirts and muted colors, and it’s John Varvatos, sort of rock ’n’ roll, easy-going. And we see him in his dress whites at the top and bottom of the movie.

Yes, we were shocked to see Logan in uniform. Nobody expected that, especially not for the first shot of him. Were you given any background to work with?

It was definitely scripted that he’s now in the military. Certainly, the dress whites—he’d mentioned he just came from a JAG thing, and that was all Rob wanting to create where Logan has been and what he’s been up to, in addition to the other things that happen in the movie. Certainly, it has a lot of dramatic flair. He has such a great physique that he can definitely pull that off. It was romantic, wasn’t it?

It was, their chemistry is just so good. With Veronica asking Logan if he was planning to carry her through the airport, it certainly came off as a direct nod to An Officer and a Gentleman and just the idea of a man in uniform and the sexiness around that.

Yeah, certainly. I can’t get inside Rob’s head and answer that, but certainly, I think it has a nod to An Officer and a Gentleman, for sure. So iconic.

Were those authentic dress whites or were they custom made for the movie?

They’re authentic in that they come from a costume house. They’re authentically from a costume house. But they’re the true uniforms that are worn in the military, but you need a specific letter and it has to be verified [in order to purchase them].

On the series, Logan was often dressed in autumnal colors, which came from Jason at the time saying he wore "rack colors.” Did you consider adding any orange to his adult style?

No! I really love seeing him [Jason] in deep olive tones, deep browns, charcoals, and so forth. He was kind of a wardrobe conundrum. Given his military life, dating Bonnie DeVille seemed so wildly divergent. How do you make it look like he would be dating her? It’s a hard matchup, visually. We tried to keep his wardrobe as simple as possible, like jeans, a T-shirt, and a leather jacket. Like, I’m just a dude.

Did you feel you had to distinguish him from Piz?

Differentiating between Logan and Piz, I think it's more about silhouette because I put Piz in more button-up, plaid versions of things, but muted still. I would say it's more about the fit.

Now Dick is one of our favorite characters. Did you consider incorporating any of the ironic statement T-shirts he used to wear back in the day?

You know, we didn’t really. In large part we felt like that was who he was when he was a teenager, and he’s still that smartass character, but he’s progressed slightly, if only just a smidge. He has a flask belt.

Yeah, please tell us where to get one of those.

That’s your aspirational accessory right now? The props department custom made that for a douche-y moment he has at the reunion.

There’s a scene in the reunion where everybody gets drenched. How many takes were there?

I don’t know the exact number, but it was an all-day event. It was a lot of people wet all day—mostly stunt people. But Madison [Amanda Noret] was truly wet in that little Herve Leger bandage dress.

How did you decide on that dress for her?

Well, honestly, I had multiples of it, so it became the obvious frontrunner. We were on a tight budget and there was a huge CSI warehouse sale of great clothes from the show. A lot of what people wore in that scene came down to what were we able to get multiples of.

We loved the dress Gia Goodman [Krysten Ritter] wore to the reunion. What can you tell us about it?

It’s an Alice + Olivia dress and we completely recut it. It was originally an A-line shift and we made it more bodycon. It took a lot of seamstress hours to reset that dress and re-bead the sides. We completely changed the entire silhouette.

Was there any item of clothing that you totally splurged on?

Yeah, I feel like the olive-and-black Mackage overcoat that Veronica wears at the beginning—we got that wholesale, but I specifically wanted that, and it’s one of my favorite pieces.

Mac [Tina Majorino] appears to have undergone the most dramatic change. She would be that girl at the reunion who was a geek in high school and would then stun everybody with her cool hair and sexy dress. Was that what you were going for?

Oh, you know what, it’s two different pieces. It’s a Gucci top and Bebe skirt. And because Tina’s hair is so funky and cool, we wanted to give her some elements that had a little femininity, too.

Was her hair a styling decision, or is that how Tina’s hair was cut?

That’s how her hair was cut, and they did a really great job of styling it.

Bonnie DeVille struck us as a mix between Katy Perry and Lana Del Rey. How much of her look was Andrea’s own style?

I dressed her. Everything you see her in we chose for her. Andrea has her own sort of funky look for herself, with her lavender hair, but we gave her more of that rock star look. I’m always a fan of anything Gwen Stefani wears, so it was a combination of that and Topshop.

Now, the Vinnie Van Lowe character [played by Ken Marino]: What kind of fun did you have dressing him?

He’s so funny. I’m such a big fan of Burning Love [the web series Marino directs and stars in]. He came in and was like, “Yeah, you know, I’m a real douchebag.” And I thought it’d be fun—with him selling things out of his van, and him being this seedy character—to give him an almost goofy Jersey Shore kind of vibe.

Who was your favorite character to dress?

Hmm. That’s a good question. It was fun to do Bonnie—you know, I think maybe Ruby Jetson. Gaby is a total character, first of all, and she’s so into it and you want to give her wardrobe as her tools to use to emulate Bonnie. And I always think that’s fun, when you add a level of subterfuge or duplicity. There’s a little more range.

With Gaby Hoffmann playing Ruby, a Bonnie DeVille stan/imitator, did you double-up on clothes without us knowing, or did she have her own wardrobe?

She had her own clothes that were imitations of Bonnie’s. The one dress she wears when she sings [at the Beachcomber] is actually a vintage Betsey Johnson—the black one with the red velvet. We made her this low-rent version [of Bonnie], like she didn’t have the means to really dress like a true rock star. So it was things she could’ve found at a thrift store.

Just a quick question for those of us who believe in LoVe [Logan + Veronica]: Is Veronica wearing Logan’s shirt when he leaves her to report for duty?

Yes.

Why do you think Veronica Mars amassed so many loyal fans over the years that, even after seven years off the air, there was enough interest in seeing it transitioned into a movie?

Rob Thomas is such a good writer. I think there’s always going to be that allure for kids who are essentially doing something that is relegated for just adults. There’s something really wonderful and empowering [about Veronica], with her snappy dialogue. She’s got sass. All these female characters [on other series] are pandering and don’t take charge of their own lives or make things happen, and that’s the opposite of Veronica. And to take the backdrop of California and make it dark? It’s hard to take a beach and make it dark.

by SOPHIA RAI AND PHOEBE REILLY

#Veronica Mars #Rob Thomas #Kristen Bell #Jason Dohring #Veronica Mars Movie #Salvador Perez

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weightlossfitness2 · 5 years ago

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Here Are Your November 2019 Wellness Horoscopes

Did somebody order their November 2019 wellness horoscopes? They’re coming in scorching!

Halloween could also be over, however we’re coming into Scorpio season with Mercury retrograde in full power. Sure, we might imagine it’s ominous—nevertheless it doesn’t need to be. Instead of being fatalistic concerning its typical communication delays, digital malfunctions, and flipped and reversed negotiations, strategy Merc retro proactively. But how, you ask? Read your November 2019 wellness horoscopes (solar and rising) to astrohack your approach via the month. I promise you’ll make it out alive and kicking!

November 2019 Wellness Horoscopes

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23-NOVEMBER 21)

Happy Scorpio season! Unfortunately, equally to the Libran birthday girls and boys in October, you might need had a rocky begin to your birthday season. However, November brings with it higher features, significantly close to November 12’s full moon. It’s a *glowing* time for love and enterprise, particularly the place creativity is worried. (Mercury retrograde isn’t usually time to dealer genius offers, however contemplate this corridor go a cosmic birthday present.) Harness these constructive vibes via November 24, when Neptune (inspiration, desires) opposes Uranus (surprises, dissent). Mindfully hearken to any criticism, enable your self time to digest it, and solely reply from a spot of calm understanding. Resist any urges to fall into poisonous patterns or retaliate with deadly Scorpion venom. Remember: You’re a grasp at letting issues marinate earlier than performing; right here’s a chief alternative to do exactly that. Finally, when Neptune goes direct on November 27, anticipate larger wins of the center whether or not solo or boo’d up.

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22-DECEMBER 21)

Attention all Archers: You’ll be the social butterfly of Scorpio season. Break out your glitziest social gathering frocks and prep some Collagen Pop cocktails, significantly within the days earlier than and after the complete moon. But be additional cautious at your 9 to five with any mid-month assignments. Read: Back up any vital tasks in order to not fall sufferer to Merc retro’s technical difficulties and 11th-hour issues. But now, again to the good things! Venus (love, magnificence) and Jupiter (idealism, advantage) meet in your signal from November 24 via 26. It’s a lovely pre-holiday interval to assemble with pals and meet potential suitors. Just fight the concurrent Mars/Uranus opposition, which may depart you inclined to illness or fatigue. Eat the rainbow and discover ways to sleep higher to remain in tip-top form. Last however not least, circle the Sag new moon on November 26. It’s one of the best time for you this yr to take stock of your objectives and get to manifesting them.

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22-JANUARY 19)

Continue making your rounds with VIP’s and higher-ups, particularly these related to previous pals/colleagues and your previous at giant. With November 12’s full moon in fellow earth signal Taurus and Mars in your own home of professionalism via November 18, I’d be stunned should you didn’t nab that prized undertaking or obtain excellent news following an interview. On prime of that, Neptune will give your love life a lift on the full moon. It has the ability to be transformative, so be receptive if somebody strikes your fancy. Someone you care about might have disillusioned you round October’s new moon, and one thing comparable might come up at November 24’s new moon with the Mars/Uranus opposition. Play it cool and give attention to paving your approach for a fruitful future; prize long-term positive factors over short-term woes. Need some assist? Breathing workout routines are a fantastic, pure approach that can assist you handle your temper and clear your head. You’re in for excellent luck come December, so belief that something wonky this month will dissipate before later.

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20-FEBRUARY 18)

Near October 26’s new moon, you might need handled chaotic circumstances concerning your profession and/or house. Did you stop your job so you possibly can pursue a extra rewarding endeavor? Were you provided a profitable alternative, albeit yet one more distant than you’d choose? Truth be informed, you will not be utterly out of the woods simply but. But with energetic Mars in your own home of professional achievements from November 18 via January three, you’re more likely to strike profession gold by 2020. Additionally, Neptune in your second home of earnings will go direct on November 27, which has been retrograde since Cancer season. Trust that any latest challenges will work themselves out. (With Merc retro till November 20, you don’t need to signal main contracts anyway. Pesky surprises and adjustments of duties would seemingly come up down the highway.) Next, November 24 might carry with it stunning information associated to your property or household; put together to get your geese so as. Similarly, in case your digs don’t emanate constructive vibes, it’s time for a refresh. Consider redecorating or rearranging in line with the age-old ideas of feng shui.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 19-MARCH 20)

November is a superb month so that you can get your cash proper. Come up with a brand new long-term technique for monetary wellness, pay down debt, or minimize extraneous bills. Mars in your eighth home via November 18 might have you ever spending a bit greater than standard, however regardless, anticipate larger monetary empowerment. Next, with Venus conjunct Jupiter on November 24 in your own home of honors, your popularity is about to shine. November 26’s new moon will solely increase this facet, so get able to steal the highlight at work. Raise your profile and don’t hesitate to make your rounds at vacation or end-of-year events. Additionally, your ruling planet of Neptune will go direct after a five-month retrograde interval on Thanksgiving Eve. Here’s a minimum of one level of gratitude to share on the dinner desk! Expect to see greater positive factors in your long-term ardour tasks going ahead. Neptune will keep stable via mid-June 2020, so there’s no must rush. Finances and popularity apart, you possibly can indulge your considerate inside Fish by doing experimental self-work at house. My suggestion? Tap into dream psychology to get higher acquainted together with your unconscious and uncover solutions to mysteries IRL.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

This month, you’re channeling 1994 Snoop Dogg, together with your thoughts in your cash and your cash in your thoughts. If you need to ask for a increase, be a bit extra *laid again* by ideating cheap justifications behind your asks, as an alternative of stepping into with full Ram power. Additionally, wait it out till the complete moon on November 12. Or even higher, harness help from Venus’s alignment with Jupiter round November 22 to 25. (Mercury retrograde may fit towards you earlier than going direct on November 20, so I like to recommend circling the later dates.) Just be ready when your ruling planet, Mars, opposes Jupiter on the identical time, which may carry some sudden monetary setbacks. Other areas to be careful for presently embody spats with S/O’s or colleagues. Musts: Avoid impulsive reactions and channel any aggressive power into one thing productive. Aries take nicely to intensive exercises like HIIT and sprinting, so burn energy as an alternative of burning bridges. For extra R&R, contemplate releasing stress with acupressure or gua sha, as Rams rule the top and face.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

If you’ve been feeling extreme strain with any type of partnership, know that these rising pains are for the great. To be forewarned is to be forearmed, as they are saying. By bringing any points to the floor, you’ll be higher in a position to proceed with a extra productive plan of motion, even when it results in chopping ties. You might need felt this stress on the final new moon, and it might come up once more round November’s new moon. Conversely, should you and your companions’ communication types are open and trustworthy, then it’ll proceed to be easy crusing. In the center, with November 12’s full moon in your signal, take stock of your wants and objectives for the approaching yr. Something vital might come to an in depth, which might open pathways for one thing new and rewarding. Even higher, constructive cash information is more likely to come your approach. If you could apply for a mortgage or grant, accomplish that round month’s finish. Other star dates embody November 25 and 27, kicking off a festive 4 weeks good for getting glam and socializing up a storm. Go for the glow with a microinfusion facial or complement with brightening vitamins for an additional increase.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

Since Geminis (and Virgos) are dominated by Mercury, Twins are extra liable to feeling the haphazard results of Merc retro. But it doesn’t need to be all doom and gloom. Simply push again any new initiatives and as an alternative be productive by tackling minor duties in your to-do listing. Next, Mars entered Libra on October three the place it’ll keep via November 18, making a good time to have heart-to-hearts with pals. Sustainable, wholesome relationships play a significant function in longevity and high quality of life, so use this facet to your benefit. However, you might need to hibernate on the full moon on November 12. Take care to recharge, particularly for the reason that final week of the month will get fairly packed. Geminis are sometimes go go go, however the mantra for now’s sluggish, sluggish, sluggish. Book a lymphatic drainage therapeutic massage to expel any poisonous buildup, or just hit the hay early to get up to a greater complexion and extra power. Dates/tricks to contemplate: Tame your mood on November 24, solidify a relationship or deal on November 26 (plus 10 days), and prepare for terrific work or cash information from an sudden supply from November 27 via mid-December.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

With Saturn and Pluto holding sway over your relationships for the previous two years, you might really feel as if your love life has been extra heavy drama than gentle rom-com. Things will ease up come December/January, so Crabs want to carry out only a bit longer. Next, November 12’s full moon will kickstart motion on a number of fronts. You might head to a bustling social occasion, the place you possibly can get pleasure from your time and overlook any lingering woes. Additionally, with Mars in constructive alignment with Jupiter, you’re certain to obtain excellent news concerning your property, household, and probably work. Ride these highs whilst you can, since month’s finish will shift the main target again to urgent issues of the center. Want to maintain busy to keep away from getting overwhelmed by your feelings? Find a wholesome distraction. Channel your power into your work, do old-school workout routines, or whip up a scrumptious, nutritious recipe to nurture your abdomen and soul alike.

LEO (JULY 23-AUGUST 22)

You might need obtained unsavory information concerning your property or household on the finish of October, and the same improvement might come up round November 24. Don’t let that Leo hearth make you burst into flames. Instead, weigh your choices and act from a spot of level-headed cause. On the intense facet, the week surrounding November 12’s full moon is about to gentle up your profession and popularity. VIP’s are beginning to discover you, however you’re not fairly on the apex of the company ladder simply but. In reality, arduous work would be the governing theme for my fellow Lions in 2020, so now’s solely the beginning of long-term work wins, star standing, and money-making magic. (Those working in inventive, performance-based pursuits—i.e., prime Leo territory—will reap even larger rewards.) It’ll assist to clear your own home, burn sage or Palo Santo, and perhaps even arrange a house workplace. However, take care to keep away from burnout and find time for the stuff you love—luxe remedies amongst them. Perhaps an intuitive facial will do the trick, or perhaps a deep-tissue therapeutic massage will get you purring. Finally, November 26’s new moon in Sagittarius will likely be in Leo’s fifth home of real love. Over the 10 days that observe, you possibly can pave the best way for a brand new romance or plan a dreamy getaway together with your S/O.

VIRGO (AUGUST 23-SEPTEMBER 22)

As I discussed to your fellow Mercury-ruled signal of Gemini, you’re extra more likely to really feel the pressures and burdens spurred by the planet’s retrograde. The full moon at mid-month might encourage progress, however Merc retro’s opposition might name it a wash. Sidestep emotions of defeat and know you’ll be all of the simpler in due time. I do know that productiveness is in your DNA, however use this era to take a break. Or on the very least, give attention to small wins as an alternative of large-scale victories. For occasion, you possibly can put your perfectionist bend to make use of by tailoring your subsequent grocery haul for optimum intestine well being, as Virgos are the signal most aware about GI points. (Let me reiterate: small wins!) Next, the brand new moon on November 26 will encourage you to refresh your property in time for the vacations. Donate or toss something amassing mud or that now not serves you. You may up-level your dwellings by adorning with jade stones or diffusing patchouli important oils, Virgo-specific bearers of calmness and serenity.

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23-OCTOBER 22)

Similar to your reverse signal of Aries, cash issues will come to the fore in November. However, whereas they’re gunning for a increase, you might be struggling to maintain your head afloat in a sea of seemingly limitless bills or money owed. Don’t let a dwindling checking account get you down, although. Jupiter brings luck to your own home of communication, so that you’re in place to start out or increase a facet hustle within the realms of speech, writing, and media at giant. On one other notice, with Venus in Sagittarius in your third home via November 25, it might be price shelling out a couple of additional bucks for a fast getaway to revive your spirits. You may even occur upon a brand new love curiosity in your travels. The greatest time for a weekend tour could be from November 9 to 10, however should you can’t get away, search concord elsewhere. Some concepts: Step up your wellness sport by balancing your doshas or training grounding yoga poses. Greater alternatives will come up for you subsequent month, so maintain trivia within the meantime.

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