#no saw in frillies for you

[egophiliac]

On the “it was supposed to be a joke!” theme, is mustard!trey your favorite?

Back when all I knew about Twst was fanart I thought things like fairies not being able to resist Leona (fairy gala), Jack wagging his tail and then denying it while it is actively happening and Rook hunting his classmates for sport was just fandom hivemind stuff.

Every time I come across something from art that turns out to be real I am delighted, like Jamil’s towel conversation with Kalim before GloMas, I was 130% sure you’d made that up and could not stop giggling.

Trey's Mustard Mania is up there, but I think my favorite will always be Azul's robes story, in which -- I know I've talked about this before, but honestly we should be talking about this 24/7 because really -- it turns out the secret ingredient in Vil's fancy high-end moisturizer is Floyd. Vil has been spending the entire story walking around with Floyd Juice rubbed into his face. what does that mean? who knows! they just wring Floyd out like a towel (somehow?!) offscreen and put the drippings into a cute bottle and sell it to Vil for an exorbitant price! this is just something that happens in canon! why not!

also, the birthday boy sashes. for some reason no one ever believes the birthday boy sashes are real at first, and it's always a sheer delight to see "WAIT, IT ACTUALLY SAYS BIRTHDAY BOY?!" on my activity page. :D

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

love the idea of transhet laios

[politemagic]

i really truly thought my beloved red frilly shirt might not be cool enough for iii's new look but HE WORE IT LAST NIGHT???

PHOTOGRAPHERS. PHOTOGRAPHERS PLEASE. PLEEEEAAASE

[todayisafridaynight]

Um. Aoki gloating to Sawashiro that he's in a relationship with Daigo... please elaborate, this is giving me Ideas(tm)

theyll just be standing in the kitchen or smthn idk and aoki'll start to mention daigo and the last 'date' they had and sawashiro has to mentally prepare for the next thirty minutes being dedicated to aoki talking about how smart he is and how daigo's so easy to manipulate when sawashiro nkows this entire time that Daigo Too is playing 5D chess with aoki and how easy it is to play with his feelings so long as you feed his ego and arakawa's probably getting a similar Less Deranged spiel from daigo rn

[middle-child-of-eternity]

love that I've reached a point in my life where I'm inquiring about jobs by sending emails that are like 5 sentences long. I no longer feel the need to grovel. I'm interested in the job, I have relevant experience. read my resume. fuck you.

[batbluud]

not to get #Controversial but like some of you people sincerely need to stop acting like repackaged gender essentialism is in any way progressive because you add enough ""bad"" modifiers to it

[keepontalking]

If Sam and Mon don’t have pink and black as their wedding’s colour theme I’m going to be disappointed.

[loststolenorstrayed]

Thinking about my very silly creepypasta oc

[tojisun]

…yea sure why not?

-

baker!simon who’s known for the bit he’s got going on – something you wished your friends would’ve told you because the first time you walked into the niche bakery (at six am to boot) and saw simon, big and tall and inked and masked simon, you screamed bloody murder.

“jesus-!” he yelled back in surprise, almost dropping a tray of freshly baked shortbreads before whipping his head up to see what was going on only to feel like he’s been punched in the gut because there you stood by the entrance, bundled up with thick jackets like you’re preparing for winter even though fall was just settling in, your hair a haggard mess and your face gaunt from exhaustion, and looking like all parts of simon’s dream woman.

“um,” you stammered, staring at him with wide eyes and trembling hands, your heart hammering in your chest as you began to panic. “i, uh. i’m…?”

simon watched as you continued to stammer before finally taking pity on you. he placed the tray on the counter and turned to fully present himself to you, spreading his arms out in hopes that it would show you that he’s not dangerous. that you would see his flour-covered apron and see that all he’s got going on in life is baking, and then instantly be enamoured with him.

“you here for breakfast?” he asked, clearing his throat upon hearing the awkward croak of his voice. thank god for his mask because he was able to hide the flush of his cheeks, allowing him to continue to play it cool in front of you.

“yes?” you replied, still confused as to why the… baker? was wearing a homemade skull mask.

“sure,” he said and you watched as he wiped his hands on his apron. “come over here then. what’d you want to order?”

baker!simon who isn’t really a big sweets enthusiast but whose desserts are the best in the block. you asked him what made him pursue this career and you watched as he stilled, his face falling slack like he can see something you couldn’t – like he is reliving a memory – before shaking himself with a deep inhale and finally whispering, “for my brother.”

you did not probe any further, your heart heavy with guilt, but simon just turned to you with a small smile and asked, “wanna hear about ‘im?”

he gathered you in his arms as he recounted the few fond memories he has of his childhood, and you breathed him in, smelling the faint smell of macaroons and toasted butter on his skin.

baker!simon who begins dedicating his daily special treats to you. “for the apple of my eye,” when it’s apple fritters day. “for my beloved cheri,” on cherry pie day. “for my precious sugar,” on sugar cookies day.

baker!simon who proudly prances around in his frilly pink apron that has “husband material” embroidered on the chest. you gave it to him as a gag gift but simon loves it so much that he began to wear it to work, showing it off to his friends with a deep chuckle.

“my girl got it f’r me,” he says to johnny. “pretty, isn’t it?”

johnny nods amidst laughter, his body folded into himself as he clutches the counter for support.

-

fuck. baker!simon might even be better than biker!simon

[gremlingottoosilly]

Maid-up problems (Konig x maid!Reader)

Konig goes to a maid cafe. Billions must perish. Tags and CW: yandere Konig, obsessive and creepy behaviour, Konig is a bit of a perv, colonel loser Konig, maids and maid cafes, general fluff, slight age difference, slight size difference, mostly from Konig's pov. AO3

— Welcome home, master. What your maid I get for you today, hm? König just died and went to heaven. Heaven consists of pretty girls running around in fluffy skirts, little aprons and putting on adorable headbands with white ruffles. Heaven filled with the smell of reheated pastries and pre-made snacks, with neutral sweet perfume and the stench of sweat from the customers. Heaven is filled with angels who run around in maid costumes and call him master – and all of this without going through the hassle of finding a cosplay-friendly prostitute in Vienna.

He honestly rolled his eyes the first time he saw the post about a new maid cafe opening in town. Horangi was the one to show him - the bastard didn’t even live in Austria and yet had followed all the news, maybe to only make fun of his colonel. He knows that the tiger has his dirty secrets too – ido girls, idol boys, some new band every week that he’d spend his paycheck to get all possible merch. Changing his gambling addiction to a k-pop one – all while his glorious commander is going crazy from the new maid hentai he just watched. Honestly embarrassing at his age…but he doesn’t care. He has money for the exclusive translations and elite figures – and he has some time on leave to visit the damn maid cafe. Then König meets you. He died, went to heaven and was greeted with an angel…no, a goddess. In a frilly apron, short skirt and adorable, albeit a bit embarrassed smile. You had your persona on – dorky and clumsy, useless little maid that customers liked to scold when you’d almost drop their drinks and then fake cry while apologizing. Some sadistic bastards like to play pretend by calling your manager while you’d beg for them not to. Some perverts with a hero complex would play into your pleads. König stares in awe as you drop the menu accidentally, not forgetting to show off your cleavage as you pick it up. Brushing it off with your finger, looking so tiny and shy…god, he fucking adores you already. — S…so sorry, master. Please, forgive me for dropping the- — It’s okay. Don’t worry, ja? 

He reaches for your hand, but you shoo it away. No touching – the cafe policy, as dumb as it sounds. He knows it’s for your own good, to protect you from perverts and creeps – but you shouldn’t be so scared about touching him. He would have to train you to do this after. nothing that a few touches of a good military discipline wouldn’t fix though – and he is very good at breaking down dumb recruits and annoyingly stubborn people. Oh. Right. He still kinda has to order. His gaze immediately flicks to the most expensive thing on the menu – an exclusive dessert, probably too sweet for his tastes. He will have to make do though – there isn’t much on the menu, certainly is zero alcohol so drunk guests wouldn’t harass the maid girls, and a tiny portion of an omelet with some ketchup hearts squeezed all over it certainly isn’t to his tastes either. No, König had his eyes – covered by glasses, of course, he didn’t want to show off his scars and the expression of a serial killer forced to work in mercenary forces to cute girls in ruffled aprons – on a different prize. You. 

And the exclusive photos and a hug from any waitress of the fine establishment that would come with this overpriced order. 

König has never seen the manager of this cafe, but he is ready to give them all money he has – just for implementing this feature into the menu. Just for selling off their girls to any customer who is willing to pay almost 50 Euros for a piece of a pretty regular cake and some coffee. 

You stare at his order for a few seconds, your mouth going agape. He is not hurt – it was weird, after all, for a guy like him to order something as silly as this. You’re probably weirded out, thinking that he accidentally put his finger on the order – but you know better than to ask again and risk him changing his mind. Your cafe gives off bonuses if guests want to take a picture with you so, naturally, you’re all smiles and nods, tilting your head to the side as you say, ever-so-sweetly, that you’d be back with his order. Now…is König ashamed of liking the pretty little maid so much? Not really, to be completely honest, he kinda adores having you around, and he’d pay even more for the opportunity to touch you. Too bad your cafe isn’t a front for some other body business – he’d be happy to raid it on the part of special forces and then save you from such a gruesome fate by making you his wife. 

König wonders if your cafe has themed days. Maybe catgirls, cosplay, maybe housewives. 

König wonders if he can get your number. Then his gaze falters to the reflection of his face in the screen of his phone – and, no, not going to happen. Not when he is fresh out of deployment, barely showered, and thrown a clean hoodie on which does very little to cover the smell of blood clinging to his body. It’s his cross to bear – his victims scratching at his ankles as the colonel sips on complimentary water from a pink glass and looks at all the other losers who coming to this fine establishment. 

You’re lucky it’s a slow day – if König saw you being so sweet and touchy with some other lousy customer, he might have shot the whole place up. Master does not tolerate his silly servant being so nice to others, after all. 

— Your coffee, master. 

He whips out a stack of bills already, way more than what he was supposed to pay even with the exclusive offer he ordered. Your mouth opens to stop him, to remind him of the actual price of everything – then he breaks whatever good intentions you had when he starts to speak, his voice muffled a bit because of his black surgical mask. 

— Do you have a boyfriend? 

Oh. 

Now, under normal circumstances, you’d yell for the manager to come and pick you up. You’d scream bloody murder and alert other girls and clients that you’re having a bad customer who is going into harassment mode very quickly – asking such personal questions at this place is something that shouldn’t be happening, no sir. Totally not happening. 

But…the work has been a bit slow lately. You didn’t get as many bonuses as you wanted to, and the rent is coming up, and the phone bill is getting more expensive…sometimes you just got unlucky and his a streak of customers not liking your particular archetype – so if this weird dude who is totally killing people in his spare time wants a bit more than usual service and is definitely ready to pay for it. 

You might have had a thing for guys in masks. Big, muscular guys in masks who looks like they can choke you with their thighs and then fucking destroy you. With money who can get you a bit closer to your savings goal. So, you’re not calling your manager, your friends, or the police. So, you play into the fantasy for a little bit, remembering all the acts your supervisors drilled into your head. — Of course I don’t, master. I’m here for you, remember? You smile and nod, hoping it will be enough. Hoping a guy like him could be satisfied with something as silly as this, something as tiny. You touch his hand a bit later, making sure to hold him for a while longer. A simple trick to enhance the amount of tip you can get – even tho you feel like playing with fire when you touch this guy so sweetly. 

And, oh, König is…done for. Smitten. Shot right in the heart through his cock, somehow. This man survived battle after battle, destroyed more small countries than there is letters in his real name, but he was defeated by a pretty girl in a maid outfit in a cafe made for incels and otaku wannabees. If any of his lower officers saw him right now, with ears and cheeks burning angry red, with his heavy breathing and obvious, but concealed by table hard-on, he would be done for. 

But, oh god, aren’t you just beautiful? 

Obviously embarrassed and maybe a bit shy – he thinks it’s probably just your persona, a way to milk tips from the customers who like to play dominant, but König doesn’t even need to play. He knows he’d have to take you by the end of your shift, whatever this time might be. He is not the best person for the romance job, but he’ll be damned if he let a pretty thing like you just run away like a silly girl you are. 

— Can I have your phone number? You want to say no, he can’t have your phone number. The guy smells of gunpowder and blood, looks like he is going to shoot the entire venue down if you disagree with him, and you do not want to die like a hero for a job that pays barely above minimum wage for the amount of public humiliation you have to endure to ensure good tips. The guy smells like danger and a bad time and a long conversation with your manager about the types of guests that they allow into this fine establishment. 

You want to say no and yell but, then again, there are multiple factors that are screaming against such rush decisions. A huge chunk of money he still has in his valet is, embarrassingly enough, one of the biggest decision-making points. — We’re not really allowed to give our phone numbers, master… His hand goes to his pocket. 

You’re not sure if he is touching his cock, his gun, or another stack of bills right now – but all of the options are kinda making you want to die before you can check your answers. It’s going to be bad either way, so you tilt your head to the side, trying to look as innocent as possible. 

— But I can make an exception! 

He actually startles, looking at you like you just agreed to marry him. You probably would, with enough bullet threats – but you still bite your tongue, not wanting to give the crazy guy an idea. You actually don’t know if he is crazy or not – but taking your chances isn’t something you want to do on a nice Monday dead work day. 

You can see relief in his eyes. A little wrinkles of smile, too – his mouth is covered by a mask, but you’re almost sure he is grinning like an idiot under this thing. Oh no…you just insulted a customer in your mind. It’s really bad for business. 

You write your number down and pass it right to his hand without anyone noticing…you hoped so, at least – you don’t want other customers to order the same special treatment and you know that the manager would have your head for overstepping the rules so much. No one would care that you’re saving this fucked up place from a massacre – they would only care about arbitrary rule-breaking. You lick your lips and smile as his hand lingers on you a bit too long. 

His hands are big and warm, too – you’re getting lost in the touch, as he carefully caresses the back of your palm with his thumb. He is…surprisingly tender. As much as a killing machine can be tender, of course – but you do appreciate a softer, milder touch. You do appreciate his hands on your body, caressing it softly and maybe even leaning you for a kiss and a quick…

Oh god, what are you thinking. You need to stop, immediately. 

He pulls from his table suddenly and you almost feel like you fucked up, somehow. Maybe he did wanted something a big more than what you were willing to give, maybe this guy wanted you in a way that was not friendly for the cafe – but he swoops you by your waist before you could say anything before your hands could go upright and smack him – and you stop right before hearing him saying the dreadful words. The words you wished he wouldn’t have enough money to say. 

God, this is hopeless. 

— Can I get my special offer now? 

König makes it sound like the special offer would include you on your knees, choking on his cock. König makes it sound like it would include you on your back, taking pounding from him while he tugs on your dumb apron and tells you to cry for your master. König makes it sound like the short skirt of your outfit was not covering you enough, he makes it sound perverted, horrible, utterly despicable, he makes it sound like…

God, he doesn’t have enough self-control for you. 

You just…look so scared. Nervous. You play with the fabric of your costume in your hands as the other maid – some faceless pretty thing for him, with his eyes glued to your side anyway – was making pictures. Polaroid, is overpriced for a couple of photos he will get…but he doesn’t care if he has to blow off an entire contract bonus if that means getting some bonus from you. 

He gets to hold your waist and it’s so easily to imagine digging his fingers to your sides as he fucks you with as much passion as he could gather. It’s easy to imagine his cock pumping into you, your tummy bulging from the sheer size difference between you and him – poor thing, you’d probably be terrified as he would force himself onto you. Maybe you’d clutch your little apron adorably and beg for him to stop. Maybe you’d ask him to be rougher and more passionate – to make you his in all sorts of ways. He just…he can’t imagine not taking you home after this. 

He hugged you, it’s basically a marriage proposal already. 

You try your best to ignore the way his hand slips down, almost to the point of groping your ass. You ignore it, the girl who is taking the pictures ignores it too. No one wants a scandal, no one wants to point this out – everyone knows how tips are made here, and you sure as hell won’t be putting yourself in danger just because you feel his giant hand fondling you through the fabric of your silly dress. You forgot the protective shorts too - so there is only a matter of underwear and skirt between his hand and your ass. 

Somehow, the sensation isn’t as terrible as you want it to be. Somehow, you feel like tips aren’t the only thing that keeps you from screaming at him. 

König died and went to heaven – this much is obvious. He is taking a picture with a pretty girl, he touches a pretty girl in maid's suit and she doesn’t even say anything to him. He just went out from a successful contract that would keep his pockets full for a few months and went straight for his savings, and he killed more people than the last week – god, life is fucking beautiful. He fondles your ass with his hand, other is awkwardly limp to his side, and he already knows that he will be a regular here. 

He hates getting his pictures taken – it’s normal for people in his line of work, being a mercenary and a socially active person isn’t something wise if you don’t want an enemy finding out where you live, but he doesn’t really care anymore – he will keep the pictures with you, hold it in his wallet and put a spare one in his vest pocket. You can be his little guardian angel, the pretty girl who is waiting for him to return. 

And he does have your number with him. 

— Are you happy with the pictures, master? 

You tilt your head and König forces down the urge to squeeze your cheeks and kiss you. They way you say this, the way you call him master – he simply can’t resist, not when you’re too fucking adorable to miss out on. He knows it’s inappropriate, he knows you’re just working here, but it doesn’t stop him from leaving a hefty tip and making sure you know exactly what made him leave so much. 

God, he can’t wait to make you his. 

König wonders if you’d agree to wear a skimpier outfit once you’re at the safety of his house. 

[louloulemons-posts]

heyyy. i saw your taking logan fics. do you think you can write a fic of logan and reader but she’s very girly and bimbo like? thank you 🩷

Claws and Frills

wolverine x fem!reader

(x-men wolverine, he’s a big boy)

summary : At first Logan didn’t know how to take you, but now your the first person he finds when he returns to the mansion.

word count : 0.8k

warnings : not proofread, fluffy, petnames (reader calls logan kitty and the famous bub), readers a necromancer, mentions of violence, blood and killing, readers not really described - only her outfit , hanks a bit of a dick, very very sweet, no established relationship.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

At first Logan didn’t know how to take you, you were unlike anyone he’d ever met. Cooing that Charles had adopted a pet ‘Kitty-cat’ when you first met one another.

It had taken him a few months to realise, you weren’t being condescending, you were truly that sweet and slightly ditzy. Saying that you had the gift of necromancy, controlling those who had passed, along with their powers if they were mutant.

Logan strolled outside of the mansion finding you, lay on your stomach reading a book, a soft lilac blanket beneath you.

A pink dress and short white cardigan hug your figure, as your pink converse lay discarded beside you, showing your white frilly socks.

“Hey Bub,” the man called out, walking over to you. With a grin you turned to him, “Kitty, come sit,” Scooting over to make room for his larger figure, the smile never left your lips.

With a soft groan he sat down next to you, laying back, hands behind his head. “How was your mission?” you asked, placing your book to the side to have your full focus on the man beside you.

With a shrug he spoke, “Went well, stopped the guys.”

“Any blood spilled?” You questioned, head cocked. “Less than last time.”

“And you?”

“Me?” Logan pulled his sunglasses down to rest on his nose, so he could meet your eyes with his own dark ones. “Did any of your blood get spilt?”

“Nothing I couldn’t heal from Bub.”

“Logan you promised-“

“Sometimes it can be helped,” he cut you off, “I did everything I could to be safe and come back to you in one piece, and look here I am.”

He motioned to his long body, dressed in a flannel, unsurprising, a pair of jeans a boots. “Well even if they killed you, you couldn’t be rid of me.”

He laughed, “You’re awful.” With a pout, you sat up on your knees, “What? I have to use my freaky-deaky powers at some point!”

“Freaky-deaky? Is that the technical term?” He smirked. With a groan you spoke, “Don’t, you sound like Hank.”

Logan’s face went serious, “What’s he said to you?” He was ready to shred that blue asshole to pieces for making you feel insecure.

“Nothing, he actually apologised. Charles told him he’d upset me. I mean I know I’m not the smartest sometimes,” Logan tried to cut you off, but you didn’t let him.

“But, I’m not stupid, we actually spent a lot of time talking about, neuroscience. Just because I’m not a total badass like Storm or Jean doesn’t mean I’m an awful hero, I just …” You sighed.

“What Bub?” Logan pushed himself up so you sat face to face. “I just don’t want to stop being myself, and my… gift already makes me feel like I have too.

“Maybe I was given the wrong one, would have been better if I could control plants or I don’t know, talk to animals.”

Logan smiled, pulling a cigar out of his pocket, which you snatched away without a second thought. If it was anyone else, his claws would be out, but it was you.

“Your power doesn’t define you, you know that right? You’re you. You’re sweet and kind, and anyone or anything you’ve controlled with your powers has been as respectful as you can make it.”

“But I’ve killed.”

“And you’ve saved.”

“But-“

“Bub, you’re good, and Hank isn’t a people person, he just talks sometimes. Nobody is a special or as badass as you, I promise.”

“Not even you?”

He titled his head, thinking for a moment, “I might be a close second.”

“Third, Erik’s more scary than you … and Jean oh and Scott-“ he put a hand over your mouth.

You couldn’t help but smile against it, causing his lips to twitch upwards. He pulled his palm away, “Thank you Kitty.”

“Never have to thank me, you know that.” Leaning forward you placed a soft kiss on his cheek, wrapping your arms around his neck. “You really are my favourite person, you know that?”

“You’re crazy,” he said making you laugh, arms coming round your waist, “But you’re my favourite too.”

Pulling away you stroked his face gently, “You’re a good man, you know that right?”

“You tell me most days. Now read to me,” he said, falling onto his back, hands going back behind his head.

Crossing your knees, you sat beside Logans figure, his eyes falling closed. One of his hands moving to stroke your leg softly. “What are we reading?”

With a smirk you spoke, “Pride and Prejudice.”

Logan groaned, “Again?!”

“Hush Kitty.”

And hush he did, listening to your soft voice hand never leaving your leg. Remaining on that soft blanket with you, until the sun began to set and the stars rise.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Thank you so much for reading!

i honestly can’t believe i’ve never done a logan fic but deadpool 3 brought back my obsession big time.

I hope you enjoyed.

Please leave any requests 🫶🏻

[todayisafridaynight]

aoki deserves a billion and one knives to the organs but tbh if i showed up to the husband of my ex's ceremony Of Which Was The Same Guy Who Made Me Look Like A Jackass On My Birthday and she was like 'wow youre so charming and sophisticated' after i overheard her calling me a creep and a weirdo On My Birthday i think i wouldve killed myself on the spot in front of everyone so good on him for not doing that I Guess

[raestromboli]

𝒯𝒜𝐵𝒪𝒪.

𓂃 bf!matt meeting your parents hcs. ♡⁩

cw 𓂃 18+, smut, established relationship, vulgar language, not proofread, fingering, cunnilingus, overstimulation, unprotected sex, squirting, creampie, mdni.

𓂃 sfw.

bf!matt who wore his best looking collared shirt in hopes of impressing your father and spraying his sweetest smelling cologne to swoon your mother.

bf!matt who shakes your father’s hand and gives your mom a firm hug when he walks in through the door, warmly smiling at you from over her shoulder.

bf!matt who laughs and makes dad jokes with your father, and helps cook dinner with your mom while he makes conversation.

bf!matt who sets the table for you, grinning sheepishly at you when you teasingly praise him for being so respectful toward your parents.

bf!matt who endlessly compliments your mom’s cooking the second you place his plate down for him, his fork scraping against the white porcelain to savor the last bite.

bf!matt who waves your mom off when she tries to wash the dishes, claiming that he’s got it.

bf!matt who receives a tight hug from both your parents before they head off to sleep, offering that he’s welcome to spend the night in your childhood bedroom.

bf!matt who’s definitely not going to take down that offer—not when your cheeks heat up in embarrassment and you hurriedly suggest that sleeping on the couch would be better.

bf!matt who groans and tugs you flush to his side, his arm wrapping around your waist to lead you up the stairs and teasing you about the baby pictures of you hung up on the hallway.

bf!matt who’s not surprised to find how hyper feminine your childhood room is; frilly pink and white sheets with a baby pink canopy, a plethora of plushies stacked neatly on the corner of your bed.

bf!matt who tucks you both into your childhood bed after the long night, kissing your forehead and nodding off to sleep.

𓂃 nsfw.

bf!matt who almost fucked you stupid before you both left because he saw how you couldn’t peel your eyes off his ‘respectable’ outfit.

bf!matt who subtly brushes his bulge against your ass as revenge for your teasing when rounding the table to lay out the rest of the plates onto the table, a little smirk growing on his face as you glare at him.

bf!matt who played with your soaked pussy underneath the table all throughout dinner, his fingers strategically circling around your clit while he complimented your mother’s cooking. and when you came with his fingers buried deep inside you, he nonchalantly lifted his hand from beneath your skirt to place said fingers in his mouth, a cocky smile on his face while he told your mom what great work she did. that could only have as many reasons . . .

bf!matt who washes the dishes to ignore how you’ve been pouting at him all day, feeling your arms wrap around your waist to hoist yourself on your toes to whisper how wet you’ve been for him all night, how much you needed him inside you.

bf!matt who uses whatever he can to stall, making conversation with your parents before they go off to sleep—even teasing you about the baby photos on the wall while his hand disappears under your skirt, his fingers digging into the fat of your butt and making you whimper softly.

bf!matt who lays you down on your pink bed, kissing you deeply while he grinds his bulge against your clad cunt.

bf!matt who looks so out of place in your girly room, all dark colors with engraved rings and a tattoo sleeve.

bf!matt who pulls an orgasm out of you just from licking your sensitive clit through your sodden panties, a hand raised up to clasp over your mouth when you got too loud.

bf!matt who peels your panties off you, the drenched cotton being thrown somewhere around the room before he stuffs his face in between your thighs again.

bf!matt who grabs a tan teddy bear from the bunch, cooing at you to bite down onto it while he fucked your pretty pussy.

bf!matt who tries his best not to immediately dump his load into you when he looks down at you, all fucked out while you look at him with stars in your eyes, brows furrowed and meek squeals coming out your muffled mouth as you hug the bear for dear life.

bf!matt who rubs your sore nub with his thumb while you squirt all over his nice shirt and your bed, flipping you over until you were set in a deep arch before plowing into you deeper.

bf!matt who thinks you looked so innocent as you glance over your shoulder at him, teeth bared into the ear of your childhood teddy bear while you cream all over his cock.

bf!matt who cums deep insjde your soaked cunt, grabbing the teddy away from your grip to let your breathing regulate and come down from your high.

bf!matt who tucks you both into bed and kisses your forehead, wearing a proud smirk as he sees you immediately knock out with a satisfied look on your face as his cum drips out of your hole and staining your underwear.

notes: so basically the day i deleted all my shit was the day i got my period and ran out of my stash . . . so sorry y’all those old fics will be missed

[xoluvx]

lick it, spit it; b.eilish

part one 💚

“I can’t believe you did that,” you exclaimed as you walked through the door. It’d been the longest, most sweat inducing, thought provoking day. “Give me back my underwear,” you patted her pockets trying to feel for them. They were tucked in her front pocket creating a small bulge.

“Oh somebody’s excited,” you teased slipping your hand in her pocket fisting the underwear making sure your fingers brushed her pussy at the same time. Billie bit her lip and her eyes widened as she looked at you with a warning look.

“You little-“ she reached into her pocket grabbing your wrist. You gasped softly looking up at her. Batting your lashes, your mouth hung open as your breathing grew heavier.

Billie cupped your hand. She moved it directly over her pussy still in the pocket of her baggy jeans.

"You wanna guess the color of my underwear?" Billie pressed herself on your body reciting the lyrics that were now engraved in your brain for all eternity. She moved your hand in a rotating motion and groaned when you cupped a little too aggressively. Payback.

"Don't have to guess," you replied hastily unbuckling her belt. Billie smirked as you fumbled with her jeans. They pooled around her ankles and you shook your head looking at the three pairs of boxers she was wearing.

"You are something else," you whispered digging your hand into the first pair, tugging at them. Wrapping your arm around her neck, your lips ghosted on hers as you pulled on the fabric bringing them sloppily down to her thigh.

Billie grabbed your hips pulling you closer, her tongue brushed against your bottom lip. You opened your mouth inviting her in. Your tongues swirled as she unbuttoned your jeans, but you stopped her suddenly, holding her wrist.

"Bed," you mumbled pressing your forehead on hers. Your finger hooked on the band of her boxers and released it with a snap knowing this would rile her up even more.

Billie snarled and pointed at you as you held your jeans walking backwards before running to the room. She chased after you. The door slammed opened hitting the wall as she almost tripped on your jeans.

She nearly creamed when she looked up and saw you already on the bed, legs open for her. She held her hand up to her mouth wiping the corners.

"Take it off," you demanded pointing at her shirt as she approached you. She did as she was told. You hummed when you saw the lacy black bra that left very little to the imagination. It contrasted with the layers of boxers. So frilly and girly. Her breasts filled it so perfectly and her nipples peeked through the transparent fabric making your pussy twinge in delight.

You inhaled fisting the sheets as she peeled each layer of fabric covering the bottom half of her body.

One off and she was stepping closer. Second off and you were pulling your shirt off. Last one and you moaned at the sight of her matching thong. That little minx.

"Did you guess correctly?" she teased noticing your reaction. Her eyes were already fucking you as she kneeled, crawling towards you. You eyes never left hers as you shook your head, speechless. She was still full of surprises and you lived for the rush.

You observed the way her back arched as she made her way towards you. You opened your legs wider, lifting your back higher not wanting to lose sight of her. Billie's cocky grin never falter. Not until she was between your legs and her tongue peeked through her teeth.

She was messy and desperate. Flashbacks of what'd happened on set flooded her mind. You had unfinished business.

She held your legs open diving into your pussy licking every inch. Her tongue slapped and slurped rotating on your clit. She groaned when she felt you throb on her tongue. Her fingers ran between your folds rubbing your sensitive clit before gathering your built up. Hours and hours of built up.

“Look at that,” she muttered pulling her fingers back, your wetness sticking to them. She lifted her fingers to her mouth angling her head, letting it drip on her tongue before sucking on her fingers.

You breathed heavily, watching her take pleasure in your mess while depriving you of touch. Her eyes were closed, lost in the taste of your arousal on her fingertips.

“Baby,” you croaked. Billie turned to look at you, her fingers still in her mouth.

"Please," you whispered lifting your hips urging her to come back.

She opened your legs wide again, her fingers prying your pussy open. It glistened and throbbed. You watched as she hovered over it, her lips pursing before opening slowly revealing a web of saliva. It dripped on your cunt. You whined as she held you open, clenching as the cool substance made contact with your pulsating core.

Billie pressed her tongue on your clit before lowering to the base of your pussy. She licked long and hard spreading her saliva like she was marking her territory. You were a slippery mess as her tongue moved, lips cupping around and sucking on your clit. She still held your lips open licking every inch of your sensitive cunt. Moaning each time she heard how wet you were. All for her.

Then her hand replaced her tongue and she moved it in circles before gently tapping your pussy. The slapping mixed with your pornographic moans and she pushed two fingers in your entrance finding your g spot almost instantly. She had your body memorized and initialed with little hearts and ribbons.

“Fuck-k,” you tossed your head back feeling your eyes swell with tears. You were lifting your chest from the bed wanting more. Needing more. Her tongue matched the movements of her fingers. You weakly grabbed her head and she hooked one arm around the front of your thigh pulling you closer burying her face and fingers deeper in your pussy.

She'd eat you alive if she could at any time and any place and you'd just melt right on her. Drip down her chin shamelessly. Everywhere.

Billie's fingers slowed, she hummed on your pussy licking your clit side to side. She brought your legs down and you winced as they tried getting used to this new position. With her fingers still in your pussy, she hovered over your body finding your lips. You kissed tenderly so unlike the dirty works of her tongue.

"Mm, why'd you stop?" you mumbled when her fingers left your pussy. They dug into your hip pushing you down on the mattress as she moved her hips on yours. That shut you up. The contact was blinding and deafening as her lacy underwear rubbed on your sensitive pussy. She held your chin forcing you to maintain eye contact as her pace increased, the friction overwhelming.

Your hands ran under her thong twisting until the fabric was intertwined with your fingers. You tugged each time she made your pussy twinge. Billie's fingers wrapped around your neck applying a comfortable pressure still grinding her hips.

The familiar heat was radiating through your body, you could cum at any second. You shut your eyes ready to feel your body drown in your sweet release, but Billie pulled away. Your finger untangling from her underwear. They throbbed in the places where her thong cut your circulation and your clit trembled from her absence.

"Face down," she instructed standing at the side of the bed. But how could you look away when she was reaching behind her back unhooking her bra? Her breasts broke free and you moaned faintly biting your bottom lip. Her nipples were calling your name. You wanted to touch, bite, lick, suck-

"Face. Down." Billie commanded holding your jaw directing your gaze to her serious face. Her breasts brushed against your skin briefly and you shivered stifling another moan. Nodding, you turned as she let you go. Her hand tapped your ass playfully when you turned before disappearing for a few seconds.

You turned your head to the side when you felt the mattress dip. Her thighs brushed against yours as she planted herself on top of you. She tapped your ass with her strap and you inhaled sharply bracing yourself for what was to come.

“Can I fit it?” Her voice sultry as she pushed her body down on your thighs, finger running between your folds. You were still soaked. You heard her groan as she opened your thighs. She held the fake cock slapping it on your ass again before it slid between your folds so gloriously, but painfully slow. You curled your toes lifting your legs against her back.

She held your hips as you tried to raise your ass. She watched the way the cock disappeared inside your pussy and her hand came crashing down on your ass.

You gasped reaching above your head to fist the sheets as she moved steadily slamming up against your skin. She placed a hand under your torso arching your back so your ass was in the air, but your chest was still firmly pressed on the bed.

"Fuck," you cursed pulling on the sheets, biting down on the fabric stifling your loud moans as Billie rammed into you. Soon you were pushing yourself back meeting her thrusts. The fake cock hitting your cervix so deliciously you felt your legs shake and your clit throb with each stroke.

Billie leaned down pressing herself flush on your body. She rotated her hips on your ass, cock pressing on your g spot.

"I need to cum," you cried out reaching around to grab her head. She buried her face in your neck sinking her teeth in your skin as you fisted her hair. You were still pushing back on her cock wanting to feel her as deep as possible. She ground her hips against your ass. Skin slapping. Breathes mingling. Moaning in unison.

You felt so full, you were seeing stars. Your legs were shaking, your heart was racing, your moans were growing louder.

Then her arm curled around your torso, hand slithering between your legs, finger finding your clit. She circled your sensitive bud as she slammed her hips against your thighs thrusting rapidly. You were dripping on her cock, clenching your thighs, trapping her hand between your legs. But she was still mercilessly circling your clit until your knees gave out and fell on the bed.

Your pussy clenched around the silicone cock. Your legs quivering as shock waves shot through your body. Your lips were parted, but you were quiet. The only sounds came from your heavy breathing as you tried composing yourself after that mind blowing orgasm. But your eyelids felt heavy, sweat coated your skin, and Billie was still buried in your cunt.

“Oh my-“ your voice was weak and hollow as she pulled out.

You felt Billie's lips on the back of your thigh. They peppered kisses on your skin so tenderly and softly. Her tongue ran up your thigh and you moaned blissfully burying your face in the sheets as her fingers wrapped around your waist tracing up the sides of your body. Her lips followed the natural curves of your body.

“Sit on my face,” she whispered in your ear unhooking your bra. The constricting straps snapped as her lips kissed your cheek. You nodded weakly and she laid next to you, the strap still adhered to her skin.

You lifted your body positioning yourself.

“Nah uh, not like that. Turn around,” she bit her lip tapping your ass watching you mischievously. You blinked processing her request before turning your body. You placed your hands on your thighs, she placed hers on top of yours pulling you down on her face. Her tongue dipped in your fucked out pussy and you moaned at the sudden contact. You were so fucking tight. Billie purred on your pussy as her tongue found your clit.

Your nails dug into your thighs needing a place to hold on to as her tongue moved side to side.

“Spit on it,” she mumbled and your mouth fell open when her hands grabbed your tits squeezing before slapping them and pushing you down. You were face to face with her strap and swallowed a moan when Billie lifted her hips repeating herself, this time slapping your ass forcefully.

Your hand wrapped around the pink cock before spitting on it, saliva trickling down the side. Billie groaned against your pussy when she felt your hand move, jerking the cock while stimulating her clit.

“Suck it,” she demanded with another slap to your ass. Your pussy throbbed as she devoured your cunt. Your mouth opened sliding the cock between your lips. Your free hand rested on her thigh as you confidently took the whole thing in your mouth only gagging slightly. Billie responded with two fingers in your pussy. You were already a whimpering mess bobbing your head. The noises escaping your mouth were music to Billie’s ears who was full on fucking your pussy with her fingers. Her thumb rubbed on your clit purposefully trying to coax another orgasm out of you.

You choked on her cock gripping her thigh when she lifted her hips hitting the back of your throat. You released the cock with a pop gasping for air before running your tongue down the shaft until you were near her pussy. She was still wearing her slutty thong. Your fingers grazed the fabric. It was soaked and she was clearly sensitive by the way she winced and gripped your ass.

You placed open mouth kisses over her covered pussy. Your teeth biting on the fabric as Billie jiggled your ass in response. Pulling her underwear to the side, your tongue ran between her folds lapping her sweetness. Your lips wrapped around her bud sucking gently before licking down her pussy again, tongue teasing her entrance.

Billie moved her hips urging you to continue. You did so happily swirling your tongue, sucking, licking, gripping her inner thigh. Swallowing her taste.

You felt yourself growing tighter around her fingers as she rubbed your clit and throbbed on your tongue. You could tell she was at the edge with you with the way her breathing shifted and they way her thighs quivered.

“Cum on my tongue,” you pleaded loud enough for her to hear, low enough to send tingles down to the tips of her toes.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she cursed shutting her eyes still hooking her fingers in you, knuckle deep as she unraveled on your tongue.

Her pulsating pussy sent you over the edge as she replaced her fingers with her tongue fucking into you until you were clenching and gripping her thighs.

Your body fell on hers. She sighed contently rubbing your ass. You were dripping on her chest. Her own underwear damp beyond repair.

“Come here,” she reached out for your arm and you lifted your body feebly, flopping down next to her. She wrapped an arm around your shoulder and you snuggled into her side blissfully floating through space, eyes half closed, lips parted trying to catch your breath.

“You okay?” She asked cupping your face looking down at you. You nodded placing your hand on top of hers drowning in her eyes. She leaned down capturing your lips in a delicate kiss.

“What was the color of my underwear?” She joked causing you to laugh softly against her lips. Billie’s laugh vibrated through your body as you draped leg over her thigh wanting to feel closer. Your lips still connecting.

“Don’t ask me what the color of anything was,” you replied closing your eyes again loving the way her lips molded with yours.

She wasn’t joking when she said she wanted to try it, bite it, lick it, spit it, pull it to the side and get all up in it.

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

More of my favorite Prudes <3

Alright, left to right, top to bottom:

1. I just get the vibe that Grace has beef with Richie specifically but for no discernable reason ("Richie, the whole point is that it's in the dark!" + "No, this is where you GROW UP!") and the second the sentence popped into my head I had to draw it. Also consider how goddamn funny the image of Grace pulling bleach and gloves and a bone saw out of her backpack is because holy shit did she have a contingency plan

2. I think that Pete saw Ted as the coolest big brother in the world right up until the exact minute he introduced him to Steph and suddenly Ted had the power to be very embarrassing in front of Pete's friends. (He would be used to this, as this is standard older sibling shithead behavior, but he's never had friends for Ted to tease him in front of.) I do think the Spankoffski brothers are really interesting, especially with what an asshole Ted is. In Abstinence Camp Pete does seem to really look up to him. Ted does not hide the fact that he's a massive prick, so the fact that Pete sees him as a positive figure implies that he's one of the very few people that Ted actually tries to be a good person for. Makes a lot of sense too, the age gap between them is massive, so Pete has no way of knowing the kind of sleazy shit Ted does, he's just the cool older brother to him. Also heheheh I did the funny meme

3. All her brothers got one so I gave Webby a humansona. I don't know why she ended up looking like 90s Gwen Stacy but I kinda like it? I was going for classic straight-a student, not quite as frilly as Grace, but very academic and cute. I also think that Webby should be allowed to be a little cosmically horrifying as a treat (watching her casually fucking evaporate Willabella was so unnerving and cool, I would love more of that.) She lets herself be soft and gentle for Hannah's benefit, don't want to scare a little kid after all, but she exists far beyond those... Limitations.

4. Ok this one is highly inspired by a series of drawings by @samglyph , the concept of Ghost Ruth and Richie took my brain captive. So go show them some love!!!!!

[ja3hwa]

♡ 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐀 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐏𝐭.𝟏 | 𝐊.𝐇𝐉 ♡

【Synopsis】 : He couldn't help but think such filth when you were innocently fast asleep only merely a couple of feet away from him.

『Word count』 :  1.12k

-> Genre: Pure smut. Little plot. DBF.

Pairing: Dilf!Hongjoong x Park!Reader [Hwa's Daughter]

[Warnings] : Slightly Noncon (Reader is asleep at first). Masturbation. Cum play. Thoughts and fantasies. Pet names. Sir kinkish. Hongjoong is nasty. Also, Joong is like in his late 30s and tatted while the reader is only 23. Whoops.

Note: No one asked for this, but for some reason, I was hooked on the thought of the Dad's best friend trope, and Hongjoong is really coming for my heart. So, It was a perfect match in my eyes.

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You didn't know what came over yourself. It felt like the heating was turned up tenfold. Your nose scrunched as you began to move more and more in your sleep. Hongjoong couldn’t help but watch your discomfort in curiosity. Were you having a nightmare? No, you weren’t one to have them. But then again, maybe you just didn’t tell anyone. And being on a family trip in the middle of nowhere would cause distress.

Maybe I should wake her?… He thought, now sitting fully up on the pull-out couch bed. You were no longer tucked under the big fluffy covers on the single bed. No, you had thrown them off moments ago, revealing your mid-drift slightly from your short sleep top and the fact you weren't wearing any pants. God, you looked so cute in your black frilly panties…No, he couldn’t think of such a thing. Not when you were his best friend's daughter. 

But oh how you looked delicious. When he met Seonghwa, he had no clue he had a daughter, let alone one that was twenty-two. And when he agreed to go on this camping trip─more like staying in this large cabin on Seonghwa family’s land─he didn’t expect to see you tag along. You were stunning the moment he saw you hop out of your car. You were everything he would want in a woman and after spending hours of the day chatting and getting to know you he knew he was fucked. Anyone outside your conversations, like Seonghwa or his other friends and their kids, would see it as some harmless banter. But in reality, Hongjoong was shamelessly flirting. He didn’t mean it at first, but it just kept going, and you kept egging him on. So what was he supposed to do?

Since there were quite a lot of people that had come on the getaway, rooms were tight. And you had begged your father not to let you sleep in the rooms where the kids were cause you were certain one of San’s boys wanted more than innocent late-night chats… He ended up putting you in the same small study-turned-bedroom where there was a single bed and a double pull-out with Hongjoong. He originally offered to take the single, but you argued, saying his ‘old man back’ wouldn’t like it. He let you take it after that comment.

“J-joong…” you mumbled, almost inaudible. The older man's eyes snapped to your parted lips in a millisecond. Did you just say his name? No, he was definitely hearing things. “Joong, please.”

No, he definitely heard you that time. Your little panting, knitted brow, and soft moans. You weren’t having a nightmare. You were having a sex dream. And it was about him. God, did he wake up in another universe where everything went his way?! He ruffled his hair before rubbing his face in disbelief. He needed to hear you again, but as he took in your figure, he noticed you were now biting your lip, and your hips were jerking slowly. The pillow you were cuddling was tightly pressed up against your covered cunt in between your legs, and every little movement of your hips sent a shock of pleasure through your body.

You were humping your pillow at the thought of them while fast asleep.

He knew it was bad, but as his cock twitched for the millionth time he knew he needed to give himself some relief. And besides, you were sleeping, so you wouldn’t catch him only a couple of feet away from you, fucking his fists in time with your thrusts as your little moans carried out the nastiest fantasies his mind could conjure.... Right?

The thought of you laying out on his bed back at his penthouse. You're soaking on complete display as you beg him to hurry and touch you. He questions if you are a virgin, and if you were would you let him fuck you raw? Just the thought of slipping inside your tight virgin pussy while you tear up at his girth. He squeezed his cock tighter, staring at you intensely, he moved the sheets off himself, hissing slightly at the cool air hitting his hot angry tip. He needed more, he needed to hear his name spill from your mouth again. And it was as if the gods answered his prayers hearing you whimper, “P-please H-hongjoong.”

That was enough to tip him over the edge, speeding up his movements. He noticed the stutter in your hips. You were close to. He’d whisper to himself, “Let’s cum together baby. Cum all over my cock, fuuck.”

He wouldn’t be able to catch himself in time, splurting all over his hand, chest, and some dripping on his thigh. Fuck, he came so much. His eyes were shut, head leaning back against the backing of the couch. His heart was thumping in his ears so loudly he couldn’t even hear anything more. He was in complete ecstasy and peace. That was until he felt the bed dip, making his heart stop and eyes widen. “oh uh..I. um..” fuck, he was so fucked. You were sitting on the end of his bed, half asleep with the haziest expression while staring at his cock still tightly in his hand. His dick twitched, causing a groan, mostly from annoyance as he had been caught and he does even feel an ounce of guilt.

“D-did I cause t-that…” You said sweetly, so innocently. Could you get any more perfect?!

“I’m sorry angel, just go back to sleep, yeah…” He tucks himself back into his boxers, feeling his cum stick to the fabric which caused him to gag. He’s gonna have to slip out for a shower. But you didn’t budge as you took in his words. Instead, you pushed past any anxiety you had over the past days wondering whether Hongjoong liked you the same way, and moved closer to grab his hand that still had some of his cum on. You had woken up over five minutes ago before Hongjoong had creamed himself. His head was thrown back and he was in complete bliss and it caused you to cum just from the sight alone. “A-Angel…”

You didn’t let him speak another word as you placed two of his fingers in your mouth, swirling your tongue around them. Soaking them. And once they were wet enough, you pulled them out with an audible pop. Slowly, without breaking eye contact with the older male, you moved his hand down until those two wet fingers dipped into your completely ruined panties, letting him feel exactly how wet you were for him. They would slip so perfectly into your cunt causing you to sigh in relief, feeling so full just from his fingers alone. “Aren’t you gonna help me, sir.”

Hongjoong was done for.

—♡