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veethefreeelf · 1 year ago

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Love is a strong word - Y.JH

This is part 2 to ‘Hate is a strong word’ I’M SORRY it took a while but real life got in the way also my eye is being extra annoying! I hope you guys love this as much as I do (づ๑•ᴗ•๑)づ♡

Summary:

It’s been a year since you moved away to a new branch. If you’re being honest, things haven’t been great. Being away from all you know and all you wanted has made you realize a lot of things and made you wish you had done things differently. Maybe moving back would be better for you.

Wordcount: 15k

Warnings: lots of conflict and resolutions, super emotional, angsty as fuck, protected v. penetration, fingering, lots of praising and fluff, nothing major, smut is pretty tame and loving, biting because yes

Requested: yes, by popular demand

P.S - Italic is for thoughts mainly from the characters’ perspective and quotes. Bold is for text messages/calls/voice messages between characters

It’s been a year since you moved to this new city and another branch at your company. It isn’t exactly going like you thought it would. You thought you would make friends easily. You thought your career would have progressed. You thought you wouldn’t think that much about Jeonghan. You were wrong on all counts.

Your career was still at the same stage it was when you moved. No exciting opportunities had opened. You had met some really nice people and your new team was great but you missed your team, you missed your best friends. You even missed Clara’s perverted comments on a daily basis. You missed the team meetings. You missed Jeonghan. You missed him a lot.

One thing moving to a smaller town and being new will do to you is give you time to think about the past. You had thought a lot about Jeonghan. What your feelings for him were. Why you were trying to keep him away. Why you told yourself you were fine with him being on a date with Hana while fucking you. Being away from all of them gave you a lot of clarity on a lot of things from your past. It also allowed you to feel things without fear and embrace everything you were too scared to do before.

Too bad it was too late.

You don’t know what happened with Jeonghan and Hana but you imagine them being happy together. And it devastated you. You should’ve said something. You shouldn’t have ran. You were a coward and it made you lose one of the best things in your life all because of pride.

No one from your previous team ever found out about you and Jeonghan. And every time you visited them or they visited you, the subject was never brought up. And, if you were being honest with yourself, you didn’t want to know. ‘Ignorance is bliss’ you tell yourself. At least this way you can pretend he doesn’t hate you now and that he is single and waiting for you. Your therapist disagrees and hopes you will face all your fears the next time you see him.

That’s another thing you did when you moved here. You got help. You got a therapist and it has helped you a lot. If anything, at least this year has made you grow as a person and made you realize how you should’ve handled most things in your life in the past. She has also helped you figure out ways for you to deal with your current feelings and given you tools to keep improving yourself to make sure you make the right decisions for yourself in the future.

It was okay living here though. The apartment wasn’t the best. You missed your baby terribly but you managed. You were adjusting fairly well. Initially, you had cried every day. It was very difficult to not see your people and not sleep in your bed. Now you were better. You were dealing with the consequences of your decision in a better way. You tried visiting your friends more and tried getting to know your new team more as well. You couldn’t deny that you did want to go back. To the branch, to your team, to your apartment, to… Everything that you left behind. But you didn’t think that opportunity would happen any time soon.

Work was always uneventful. All teams got along great and it was easy making decisions together. Also being a smaller branch, you didn’t get as many big accounts, so sometimes it was just a bit too slow for you and what you were accustomed to.

Today you had to finish the monthly report to your manager but not much else was going on so you let your team go home early for the day. You were having a hard time focusing on your work. Something that seems to have started when you moved here. You didn’t use to have this issue before. You were in the middle of your thoughts when your phone rang and snapped you out of it. You looked at it and smiled before answering.

“Hoshi, my beloved… Why are you calling me during work hours?”

“Seriously, this is your fault. Why would you leave us? This new manager is driving us insane” Hoshi told you in a whispered tone.

“Come on… He can’t be that bad. I heard really good things about him from when he was a team member here”

“I don’t know what kind of lies they told you but he is insane. His demands are outrageous. Remember how Jeonghan used to annoy us because he just wanted to? Well, this new guy has made Jeonghan annoy us even more and now Jeonghan is actually right! Can’t you understand how wrong this is?” Hoshi asked you.

“Here I thought I was special and Jeonghan only annoyed me. I guess we were all played, huh?” you asked Hoshi playfully.

“This isn’t funny, Y/N. Jeonghan has to be an asshole now because someone has to stop this guy. He is not ready to be a manager. You need to help us, say something to someone about him, please. I am begging you. We are begging you. And you owe us from leaving us with this lunatic” Hoshi answered in a very serious tone.

“Look, I can try and find out more about him and talk to my manager to see if anything can be done. But you know I don’t have that kind of power. You need to go to HR. Talk to Cass, she is usually the best person to reach for these things and she happens to be super close with Sunny. I will do the best I can on my side but I can’t guarantee anything” you told him sincerely.

What you didn’t tell him was that you wished you could switch with their manager and get back to your team. You hadn’t told them yet that you wanted to be back. It’s not a possibility and it would only make everyone sadder. You were done being selfish.

“I know. I know, Y/N. It’s just… Why can’t you come back? This guy is clearly not a good fit for our branch and for our team” Hoshi told you in a sad tone.

“It’s not my choice anymore. There’s no openings at all Hoshi. And I made a commitment to this branch when I moved here. I can’t just up and leave”

“You say that but we both know your worth and how much this company needs you. They would do anything you wanted to keep you. You could request to come back specially with all of us not getting along well with the new team lead. And it’s nothing personal. He just isn’t good at being a manager and he isn’t ready for it at this branch yet” Hoshi continued sincerely.

“I will speak to my manager about him, okay? But that’s all I can do for right now. You should reach out to Cass in HR on your side. The whole team should actually. And any other team that is also being affected by this should speak up as well” you added sternly.

“Okay, Y/N. Thank you. I have to go before he loses his shit. I hope you’re well and please, visit us soon” he said and you both hung up.

In a way Hoshi was right. You could request this change to the company. And it would make sense. Their new manager came from this branch where things are much slower and much easier. He was not ready for the big leagues as a manager at least. It would be easy to convince your manager.

For now, you would do the right thing and put your personal feelings aside. You would talk to your manager just like you promised Hoshi and it would be up to them on how to proceed from here.

There was a knock on your door and one of your team members - Chris - walked in.

“I thought I told you to go home for the day. Nothing to do around here for now” you told him and smiled.

“Well, you know me. I can’t leave with the boss still around. Hardly seems fair. Also I like to work for my money, thank you very much” he added as he started to move to sit on the chair across from you.

“Never met anyone that wouldn’t rush out of the office if told by their bosses before. Also please don’t call me boss. I told you so many times Chris” you said. Chris smiled.

Chris was a lovely guy. He was your right hand at this branch. He introduced you to everyone and made it easier for you to adjust to the change. He is also one of your best team members. Very hard working and constantly looking to improve and progress his career as well. He reminds you of a younger you.

The only problem with Chris is that he seems very interested in you. He has reached out to you about his feelings several times and wants you to give him a chance. This is one of the reasons you mostly haven’t gotten to know your team in the same way you tried with your previous team.

He was gorgeous. Tall. Muscular. Beautiful Australian accent. You were simply not interested. You had someone else in your mind and in your heart and even though you weren’t strong enough and brave enough to do anything about it, you knew you could never start something new with someone else without resolving the past.

Chris knew it too. Well not the whole ‘having feelings for someone else’ part but that you weren’t interested. And he had been very understanding. He hadn’t pushed at all. Simply told you if anything changed, he would always be open to explore your relationship further. It was sweet. He was one of the few things that kept you sane over here and you didn’t want to lose him.

“Are you going to be done soon? I was thinking maybe we can leave together?” Chris asked you.

“Sorry, no. I’ve been procrastinating for the last 20 minutes and now I’m late in delivering this. You go ahead and leave. I’m also going to try and catch the actual boss before leaving” you told him and he got up to leave.

“Alright, Y/N. See you tomorrow, have a great night” he told you before leaving.

Thankfully, your manager was still here as well and you were able to talk to him about the new team lead that Hoshi told you about. Seungkwan was his name. He was a very passionate team lead over here and yes, demanding but no one had ever had any complaints since he had been promoted. You explained to your boss the pace of the two branches are very different and so are the team members and the demands. You recommended someone check on the teams of the other branch and with Seungkwan himself to understand how everyone is adjusting and if any changes are necessary and your boss agreed.

You’ve done your part. You have warned the right people and now it’s up to them to assess and make decisions.

You got home and called Hoshi to tell him and he was relieved. He also reached out to Cass and everyone else on his team did the same. Apparently, tomorrow the advertising team and some IT members are also going to Cass about Seungkwan. Wow. He really hasn’t made any friends. Poor guy. This branch was very happy with him when he was here. Maybe he just isn’t ready for the amount of work and stress the other branch entails.

During that phone call with Hoshi, he asked you to come visit the following weekend and you agreed. You needed to see all of them. You told him to please arrange for all the team members to be available to hang out and drink and eat and gossip and he was more than happy to start sending voice messages screaming in the group chat you all have together. It made you smile so hard that they were still the same crazy bunch and they still cared so much about you even after you left.

Since you have a big drive to do whenever you visit, you made a request to your boss to book next Thursday and Friday off so you could really enjoy a proper weekend with them and with your apartment. He approved and you were all set for next week. You were so excited too. You couldn’t hide it.

“I wonder if Y/N will ever get this excited to see us in the future” Hyunjin, another one of your team members spoke and it broke you out of your daydream and silly smile.

“Definitely not. We’re the rebound” Felix - your sweetest team member - chimed in.

“Hey! That’s unfair. I’ve never treated any of you like a rebound. How dare you?” you asked Felix and pouted.

Everyone laughed and your team meeting proceeded again without any incidents. Like you said, your team was great and if you hadn’t had the perfect team members before, maybe you could appreciate them more but you truly missed your people. You were so ready to come and see them.

The week went by fast and at last Wednesday arrived and you couldn't wait for the day to end for you to go home and get ready to leave. Before your day was done, your boss called you into his office to discuss something that apparently couldn’t wait until you got back.

“I know you have to leave and I’m sorry to call you in right now but it’s precisely because you are going to visit them over there that I wanted to get this out of the way before you left” he told you once you sat down in front of him.

“I’m not getting fired, am I? That would lead to a depressing weekend” you said jokingly and you both laughed.

“Not at all. This company will do the best they can to keep you around in any branch and you know that as well. You’re far too valuable. This is about the team lead situation you brought to light to me last week, actually” he told you and you sat there silently waiting for him to continue.

“After we talked about it, I brought it up to the head of HR and they actually talked to everyone at that branch including Seungkwan and his manager to understand what could be happening. It was determined that Seungkwan is not ready for a managerial position at that branch just yet. However, he still wanted to stay on as a team member for the marketing team and learn from the new team lead that joins their team instead of coming back to this branch” he added and you nodded.

“Now, as much as the possibility of losing you pains me personally, it’s up to me to let you know that the company is actually giving you the choice. Since you were the one that started bringing this to everyone’s attention and you were extremely successful in leading the team in the other branch before, they wanted to give you the opportunity to return to the branch as team lead if you wanted to”

“Return?” you asked confused.

Your manager laughed.

“Yes. You have one of two options. Return there as team lead and continue on where you left off with the team and to your success or stay here with us” he said and you looked down.

“Look, I know this branch isn’t working exactly as you thought it would for you. I’m not blind to that. Not only that but the opportunities that you were told you were getting here haven’t happened and won’t anytime soon. So even though I don’t want to lose you, I really want you to think it over”

“Does anyone else know about this? Team members, branches?” you asked him.

“No. The managers know but no one else. They will only be told after a decision is made. If you choose to stay with us, they will hire an outsider for the team lead position at the other branch. If you choose to return to your branch, we will most likely promote Chris as the team lead here” he answered you.

“Chris would be great as a team lead for this team. They all trust him and he has seen me do a lot of the team lead tasks so he’ll learn quickly” you told your manager.

“Does this mean you’re choosing to return to them then?” he asked you and you paused.

“No… I don’t know yet. Can I think this over the weekend? I’m assuming you also told me this today to have me think it over while I’m there” you said and laughed lightly.

“Of course and yes, that’s exactly why I told you. Monday we can discuss this more but go have fun and rest” he told you. You said your goodbyes for the weekend and went home to pack and get ready.

It’s funny. You spent most of this year wanting this opportunity to open up. And now that it’s here, you’re hesitating.

Going back there would mean facing a lot of things you left behind. Things you weren’t sure you were completely ready for just yet. Sure, you had been working on yourself and on making better decisions for yourself and on being more honest with everyone around you but you were still scared.

Returning also meant finding out what happened with Jeonghan this last year and you didn’t know if you were ready for that. If he was still dating Hana and you had to start seeing them together every day, you might lose your mind completely. Not knowing anything made you feel that maybe, just maybe, he was waiting for you just like you were waiting for him. You didn’t want that delusion to be shattered by reality.

On the other hand, you missed everyone terribly. You missed the pacing of your job, your people, your apartment, your favorite restaurants. Would you really pass this opportunity up just because you were scared of getting your heart broken?

You haven’t decided yet. Maybe your manager is right. Seeing everyone and going back there can really help you make a final decision and the right decision for yourself personally and professionally.

The next day you were well rested and ready for the drive. All you could think about was seeing your apartment and lying in your bed.

As soon as you got to your apartment, you felt like a new person. You loved the feeling of coming home. Your actual home. You went out to get groceries and came back home to cook a nice meal and hang out at your place. You missed this so much, being by yourself in your home and binging a show on the couch. This was all you had planned for today.

Tomorrow you were meeting them at your usual place where you used to have most of your team building dinners. You missed that place too even if the last time you were there you were faced with Jeonghan and Hana on a date. You were not going to let them ruin a great restaurant for you. Tomorrow you would enjoy hanging out with everyone and hopefully get a better understanding of what the right decision is for you. For now, you’ll just enjoy your cozy home you missed so much.

The next day and a half went by fast and it was now Friday night and you were getting ready to go to dinner. You couldn’t wait to see them and get a little crazy. It’s been such a long while since you were all together like this.

You took a Uber and got to the restaurant a bit early but you were just too excited. As you were getting ready to go in, you heard Hoshi calling your name from across the street.

“Y/N! You’re early! Aren’t you a bit too excited to hang out with your favorite people in the entire world?? Simp” Hoshi yelled from across the street as Seokmin was still getting out of the Uber behind him.

“I missed this restaurant and I’m hungry. Don’t flatter yourself!” you yelled back and the three of you laughed.

Hoshi and Seokmin crossed the street and you finally hugged. You missed them so much.

“We should go in. Everyone else is already here and Shua was already texting me and being clingy. He really missed you” Seokmin said and started moving towards the entrance of the restaurant.

“Shua? You invited him? I thought it was just us” you said and your heart started beating rapidly inside your chest.

“Oh it wasn’t me, Y/N. Hoshi here invited the whole advertising team and they all accepted” Seokmin said as he smiled mischievously at Hoshi.

“Thanks, Seokmin…” Hoshi said and turned to you.

“You invited them? Why? Hoshi I wanted to hang out just us like the old days… I thought I was pretty clear…” you said and Seokmin patted Hoshi on the back and got in the restaurant leaving you both alone.

“Look, they overheard me and I felt bad not inviting them. Shua and Wonwoo talk about you all the time. They miss you too, Y/N”

“Why not invite just them then? Why everyone?” you asked. You were trying to look behind Hoshi into the restaurant but you couldn’t see the table you were all sitting at.

“Is this about Jeonghan? I thought you two were cool…” Hoshi asked as he scratched the back of his head.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I was just surprised. Thank you for getting everyone together, Hoshi”

He smiled and you both started to go into the restaurant and to the back towards your table. There were a lot of you so they placed your table at the back of the restaurant for more privacy. Also they knew your team well and how loud you could get with drinks in you so it was the overall best option for everyone.

“Stop everything! She has arrived!” Hoshi yelled as you two got to the table and almost everyone jumped.

“I will have a heart attack working with you people” someone you didn’t know spoke up and you stared at Hoshi.

“That’s our new team lead. He invited himself” Hoshi whispered to you.

“So you’re the one terrorizing these teams? Gotta say… Very impressive. Here I thought I was special but you can get everyone just as mad” you said and everyone laughed.

Jeonghan had been staring at you since the moment you walked up to the table. You could feel his eyes on you. You were trying to act normal in front of your team but you wanted to talk to him. Maybe tonight is not the best night to talk things over but you needed to at least understand if there even was a possibility of talking things over. You definitely don’t think you can come back if things are not resolved between the two of you.

Dinner with everyone was easy. Everyone was telling stories and telling you the updates for everything and you even got to know Seungkwan a bit more. He seemed like a wonderful guy. He was loud and he and Hoshi were always on each other’s nerves but if you were to come back, you could see this working well. He would make a wonderful addition as a team member.

Shua, Seungcheol and Wonwoo tried pretending to be upset with you for a bit but that all fell to pieces when you all got into your usual shenanigans. Another thing you realize now that you’re here is that you definitely neglected these three boys when you left. You completely lost touch with them and it wasn’t fair to them. You’re lucky they’re being merciful.

Silvia has gotten really close with Seokmin you can tell. It’s cute. She has always been the quiet one whenever your teams are together and it’s good to see she feels a bit more comfortable around everyone with Seokmin by her side.

Jeonghan didn’t say much throughout the dinner. He laughed sometimes and smiled but didn’t chime in much. You didn’t know what changed (if anything) in his life since you left. Maybe he was doing this on purpose. You wish you were brave enough to ask him directly in front of everyone.

As usual, Clara breaks you out of your thoughts by saying the most outrageous shit out of nowhere.

“So, Y/N… Be honest… Have you fucked that Chris guy on your team yet?”

There is a moment where everyone is silent and then a few seconds later of staring at each other everyone bursts out laughing.

“I missed your ridiculousness, Clara. Thank you, I really needed a good laugh” you said as you continued laughing.

“Oh come on! Seriously! What’s wrong with you? This guy was so fucking hot, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I went there. Almost requested a transfer instantly” Clara added and you kept laughing.

“How hot?” Sunny asked and everyone stared at her still laughing.

“Wow, I leave for a year and Sunny turns into Clara… Seungkwan, you gotta get a handle on the children” you said and Seungkwan laughed.

“Tall, muscular, Australian hunk. Sunny, literally one of the hottest men I’ve seen with my own two eyes and he was all over Y/N. I was so jealous… Why do you always get the hottest guys to be into you and you don’t even take advantage of it? Unfair” Clara answered Sunny and Sunny gasped.

“Do you have pictures?” Sunny asked.

“Of course, I have pictures of all my coworkers on my phone. Because that’s not creepy at all” you added and got up to use the restroom.

“I follow him on Instagram, let me show you” Clara said and you shook your head and continued going to the bathroom.

When you came back, Clara and Sunny were still looking at Chris’s Instagram page and drooling. They started telling you what an idiot you were for not even trying to date him and you just shrugged.

“But seriously, no boyfriends we should know about?” Shua asked and you were surprised by his question.

Everyone turned to you.

“No. Not really interested in dating at the moment. Still have a few things to resolve in that arena in my life before I even consider starting to date again” you answered honestly and you hoped Jeonghan picked up on what you were trying to say.

Shua caught that as well, smiled at you and looked at Jeonghan who was now staring at his empty plate.

Clara and Sunny booed at you and everyone moved on from that topic and continued to chat about changes or new things they purchased or hobbies they started after you left. You were trying hard to pay attention to them but you needed to talk to Jeonghan. He just didn’t seem interested in talking to you.

As you were trying to convince yourself to just go for it, Jeonghan got up and told everyone he had to leave and your heart sank. There goes your chance.

“Late date?” Clara asked as she raised her eyebrows at him and everyone laughed and started telling her off. You pretended to laugh but you didn’t find any of this funny.

“No” was all he said before saying his goodbyes and leaving. He didn’t even look at you before leaving. He was always so unfair. As far as he knows, you may never be back here again. He may never see you again. Yet, he doesn’t seem to care. He doesn’t even care enough to tell you goodbye. Maybe coming back here would be a huge mistake if this is how you’re going to feel every day.

Seokmin snapped you back from your thoughts by squeezing your hand and smiling at you. He didn’t know about you and Jeonghan but he seemed to understand your sadness at that moment while everyone else didn’t notice anything.

You thought about maybe ending the night early but that wouldn’t be fair to anyone else there so you pushed through. You also deserved to have fun with your friends. You have plenty of time to be sad when you get home.

The rest of the night went by fast. The group moved from the restaurant to a karaoke bar and everyone was having a blast. You might have had too much to drink but you needed to stop thinking about Jeonghan and focus on your friends so alcohol it is. You were going to regret this tomorrow.

And regret it you did. You woke up with a huge hangover. Your head was pounding. Why did you drink this much? Oh yeah… Jeonghan. At least everyone seemed to have enjoyed the night. You should’ve drank more water though. You got up, took an ibuprofen, showered and decided to rest more until your headache went away.

It sounded like a good plan and was going great until someone decided to ruin your entire mood by ringing your doorbell. You tried ignoring it and turned around on your bed to go back to sleep but the doorbell kept ringing.

You got up and went to the door. Whoever it was, they better be ready for a fight. You were tired, angry, sad and out of patience for any nonsense today.

You didn’t even check the peephole. You get to the door and you swing it open, ready to fight and when you finally see who’s on the other side, you stop.

“Not a good morning, Y/N?” Jeonghan asks, laughing lightly.

You sigh and gesture at him to come in.

“What gave it away? The disheveled hair? The swinging the door open?” you asked as you sat on the couch.

“The general rage, yes. Had a good time last night after I left, huh?” he asked and he joined you on the couch.

“I forgot how insane they are when they drink. I missed everyone so much that I let myself get carried away. Mistake”

You both laughed. And then there was silence. You couldn’t take this anymore. It was now or never.

“Why did you ignore me last night? You barely said anything or even looked at me. You didn’t even say goodbye. That could’ve been the last time you saw me and you didn’t even say anything. Why?” you asked him.

“I’ll never be able to say goodbye to you, Y/N. I couldn’t do it a year ago and I can’t do it now” he answered without hesitation.

You nodded.

“Why did you come here today? You didn’t seem to be interested in talking to me yesterday” you asked again.

“It wasn’t easy seeing you. After all this time. I went there because I needed to see you but I didn’t know if I should be there. If you wanted me there. I didn’t want to ruin your night but I couldn’t not go. I was being selfish”

“So you decided to leave early yesterday and come here today and ruin a whole new day for me?” you asked in a playful tone but he didn’t laugh with you.

“I wanted to see you, Jeonghan. I know I wasn’t being obvious about it yesterday but everyone was there. I didn’t want to ruin the night for them. It was the first time we were all together in a long time. I couldn’t be selfish. But I wanted to be” you added to your previous statement.

He nodded.

“Then can we talk? Right now? It’s why I came here. There’s a lot of things we need to talk about. I should’ve done this earlier. Way before last year even. I’m a coward when it comes to you” Jeonghan said.

“Yes, please” you answered and you both smiled.

“I’ve never been the smoothest guy around. The guy that can easily talk to a girl he likes. I’ve always gotten weird and acted stupid. I don’t know why. And now I would like to think I’m better but back then when we met 6 years ago, I was still that stupid kid that didn’t know how to act when he liked a girl. That’s kind of why this started. Back then, when I first saw you, I wanted to get to know you more. You were so beautiful, I still remember what you were wearing the first day we met. But you didn’t seem to notice me. At all. The only time you acknowledged me was in an interdepartmental meeting when I made a snappy comment and you started getting snarky with me. I thought this was my shot. This is how you were going to notice me” he started and you scoffed.

“So you decided to be an asshole from then on? Why not just come to me and talk to me?” you asked.

“Like I said, I was a dumb kid. I wanted your attention but I wasn’t brave enough or confident enough to simply walk up to you and start a conversation so I decided having you mad at me was better than having you not know I even existed. Things went downhill fast from there. You were hating me more and more and I was… Liking you more and more. But after a year of this dynamic, I didn’t know how to stop it and just talk to you. Seungcheol always gave me so much shit for it. He kept saying I was going to regret not having talked to you and gotten to know you the proper way. That it was going to bite me in the ass and he was right” he sighed as he continued.

So that’s what Seungcheol meant when he asked you if you didn’t know why Jeonghan treated you this way. He knew all along of Jeonghan’s feelings for you and he probably thought you knew as well, somehow.

“Y/N, I’ve had feelings for you from day one. That’s why it hurt so much hearing you say you hated me even if I brought it on myself. When you gave me a chance to have you in my arms, even if it was just that night at the party, I didn’t hesitate. I couldn’t. I had wanted you for so long. Desperate for your attention. Part of me wishes I stopped myself from having you that night. I should’ve told you the truth right there but I couldn’t risk you leaving. I was selfish that night too”

You looked down and he sighed.

You didn’t know what to say. Even though this made sense, it also didn’t. You still had so many questions. You needed to know everything. No more fear. No more being a coward.

You looked back at Jeonghan.

“Why did you sleep with Hana then? If you had feelings for me from the start?” you asked and he laughed.

“Another stupid mistake I made because of my feelings for you” he said and you raised an eyebrow at him.

“Do you remember the only year we had the Christmas party at the office? The one where the office almost got destroyed?” he asked and you nodded.

“Before that party I promised myself I was going to talk to you. Really talk. Maybe drunkenly confess my feelings for you and hope for the best. But you spent the first few hours of that party with Jackson. Smiling and laughing and having fun and I was fucking miserable watching you two. I started drinking a bit too much and when Hana came to me I thought ‘fuck it’. If you could live your life and probably end up dating Jackson, I could fuck whoever I wanted too. I didn’t really think about the consequences of sleeping with her until it was done. She told the whole office and the look of disgust you gave me when you found out was enough for me to realize that if I hadn’t ruined all my chances with you before, I definitely had then”

“You’re an idiot” you told him.

“I know” he agreed.

“Even if you regretted it afterwards, you seemed to have a good time. She said a lot of things about that night. Hard to believe you cared about me that much but fucked her that good. Or maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic that doesn’t understand fucking without feelings” you said and you looked down.

You know you wanted the truth but you had forgotten how much the truth could hurt.

“You fucked me and you hated me though” he said and you scoffed.

“You really are an idiot…” you said and sighed.

He looked at you with a puzzled look in his eyes.

“Don’t look so confused. I’ll explain my side soon. Continue” you told him.

“About what she said, it was all lies. I may have been drunk but I remember that night clearly. It was terrible. I didn’t even put in an effort. I didn’t care. I was picturing you the whole time, I’m actually surprised I didn’t say your name. Probably because nothing felt good. I just wanted to get it over with. When we were done, I left immediately without even saying a word to her. I was disgusted with myself. I went to sleep that night hoping you would never find out about it. You know I’m like you, I know you’ve heard it around the office too. I don’t just fuck people, I don’t do the fuck buddy thing. I’ve always been looking for the real deal. I will always regret that night” he said and you started to understand him a bit more, but there were still a couple of things on your mind when it came to Hana.

“Why let her hang around you all the time at the office? If you were mad about her telling everyone and if you really weren’t interested, why let her follow you around and grab you whenever she wants?” you asked.

He smiled at you.

“The first time she did it in front of you, it seemed like you were jealous. I didn’t know if it was wishful thinking on my part, but the look in your eye when she started touching me gave me hope. Again, I’m an idiot, I know” he answered and now it actually made you laugh lightly.

“Can’t argue with that” you said and he laughed with you.

“Last question about her and I think you know what’s coming” you said and he sighed and nodded.

“If all of this is true, what happened when I met you both at the restaurant? She said you were on a date. Why?”

“This one is actually an easy one to answer. We were never on a date. Woozi in IT invited me out for dinner and drinks to join their team dinner since I wasn’t doing so well and I agreed. When the time of the dinner came, everyone else canceled except her so I was stuck with her. Not sure if it was her plan all along but I know Woozi wouldn’t do that to me so I guess it worked in her favor somehow. I decided to stay because I was hungry and tired and wanted a drink and then we ran into you. When she said it was a date, I really wanted to say something different but the look in your eyes… I knew I needed to explain myself outside of that situation. You weren’t going to let me do it there specially since you were late for your team dinner”

He does know you well. You would’ve left either way that night. What you still don’t understand is why he didn’t tell you all of this before you left.

“Why didn’t you tell me all of this? Why did you let me leave thinking you were fucking me while dating her?” you finally asked.

“Before that restaurant situation, you had been distancing yourself from me. I didn’t know why but I was too scared to find out. I thought maybe you were done. With us. With me. I didn’t think you would want to hear anything from me anymore. And when you also didn’t reach out or asked for an explanation about Hana, I thought that meant you didn’t care. I thought you didn’t care if I was dating her or not because we were just fucking. I thought if I reached out and told you the truth, you were going to tell me it was just sex. That it was never more than that between us. I didn’t want to hear that”

“So you let me leave? No goodbye. No explanation. Just a text. How do you think I felt when you did that?” you asked with tears in your eyes now.

“I know how much I fucked up. After sending that text and staring at my phone, I realized I would rather let you know the whole truth even if it meant you rejecting me than this. I drove to your place but when I got there, you were gone” he added and he also had tears in his eyes now.

“Why didn’t you ever call me? Or even texted me? Why not tell me all of this even if I was away?” you asked him as you cried softly.

“I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me. You had this new life now in a different city with new people. I thought you were over whatever happened with us”

“I spent this whole year thinking about you” you said and he nodded sadly.

There was a silence in the room with you now.

He had told you the whole truth. Since the very first day. No more hiding.

It was your turn now but you didn’t even know where to start so you told him just that.

“Thank you for telling me this now. I also have some explaining to do but I don’t even know where to start…”

“From the beginning. From when we met, please. I need to know” Jeonghan told you and you agreed.

“I thought you were the most beautiful human I’d ever seen. When we first met. I’m also not the best at talking to people I like. I usually don’t, at all. I stay away and just enjoy the person from afar. It seems easier than being rejected. Adding that to how obsessed I was with the company and being hired there, I guess it would have seemed like I didn’t notice you at all. But I did. Which is why I was so pissed every time you were an asshole to me. Not only was the career I dreamed of taking a hit but the guy I had a crush on apparently wanted to destroy my career” you said and laughed.

He laughed with you.

You were both idiots.

“After that, I accepted that you just hated me. I had to move on or I would end up breaking my own heart. So I told myself that I hated you. I would hate you from then on and treat you exactly like you were treating me. I spent years avoiding what I really felt about you. It seemed easier that way. I needed to focus on my career and ignore whatever was going on with you. It was the smartest decision for me” you told him and continued.

“I didn’t realize all of this until I left though. Being away and getting a therapist helped me realize all of my feelings for you. Made me understand what I did wrong and what I wish I could change. Distancing myself from you after our last night here was a huge mistake. But at the time I was confused. I still thought I didn’t like you at all so how could I let you in here. I didn’t want to see the truth. I wasn’t ready for it. It’s easier now, even if it hurts, knowing exactly what my feelings for you are” you added.

“Is that why you didn’t say anything after the restaurant incident?” he asked you.

“Yeah. I had already been distant from you trying to sort out my feelings and when I saw you with her I made my decision. Maybe it was best if we stopped whatever it was we were doing. Then when we didn’t speak after that and my manager gave me the option to leave, again, it seemed easier than trying to deal with everything. I used my career as an excuse but I just wasn’t ready to face this. I am now” you answered.

You were trying to explain everything to him but sometimes it’s hard to put all of this in words. It’s been 6 years of confusion and misunderstandings. Where do you go from here?

“I don’t want to ask this but what about Jackson? What happened at the Christmas party?” he asked and it surprised you.

“Honestly I don’t even remember that party at all. I don’t remember spending that much time with Jackson. I never liked him and I always knew he was just trying to fuck me. I was nice to him at first but I guess over time I lost patience and that’s why now it may be more obvious of how not interested I am” you told him and he nodded.

“And Chris?” he asked in a more hushed voice.

You laughed.

“Chris is a great guy. And he has told me he’s interested in me. I told him no. I still had things from my past to sort out and wasn’t interested. He understood. We’re friends. Sure, he still hopes one day I’ll give him a chance but I already told him many times not to wait for that” you said and he smiled.

You smiled too.

You weren’t sure if there was anything else he wanted to know but it seems most of your past issues have been explained on both sides. Past has been resolved in a way. But what about the future? Is there a future? You’re trying to figure out how to ask this question when he interrupts your thoughts.

“What about now? What happens now? You’re still living far away, it would be tricky but I want to see you again. And a lot more. Maybe we can go back to how things were between us…” Jeonghan said and the last part he said with more nervousness in his tone.

Thing is… He still didn’t say what his feelings were. He said he liked you but that could mean anything. Now he wants to go back to how things were? No… That’s not what you want at all. You thought you had been clear.

“No, I don’t want to go back to how things were. I know that for sure” you told him and his smile fell from his face.

“Oh… Hmm… Okay… I thought that was what we both wanted. I guess I got that wrong” he said as he started to get up from the couch and move towards the door.

“Wait, where are you going? You didn’t let me finish” you said as you followed behind him.

“No, I get it. I thought things could go back to that but they can’t. We’ve been hurting each other for so long. I wouldn’t want to be with me either. Sorry. I should go. I’m meeting Seungcheol for lunch but thanks for listening to me” he said as he left your apartment.

You were left alone, in the middle of your living room, confused and staring at your door.

‘What the hell just happened?’ you asked yourself. You thought the conversation was going well. You were both reaching an agreement so why would he leave. He didn’t even let you explain what you meant when you said you didn’t want things to go back to the way things were. Was that all he wanted from this? To explain everything and then go back to just fucking each other? Why was he always so confusing? Things between two people aren’t supposed to be this difficult. You can’t even hold a conversation without misunderstandings. How was this ever going to work?

You were left confused and wondering what any of it meant for the both of you.

The rest of the weekend went by fast. You met up with some of the guys for lunch and just to hang out and Sunday came fast. Before you knew it, it was time to leave again. You couldn’t leave without trying to understand what went wrong and what you said that made Jeonghan leave so abruptly. You decided to call him. He didn’t answer so you texted him.

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother you and do this on short notice but I would really like to see you before I have to leave today. I feel like our conversation ended and you left on another misunderstanding. Can you please, make some time for me today? I have to leave by 6PM, the latest. I’m free the rest of the day. Let me know, okay?”

Nothing.

He didn’t answer the text. He never called you back.

It was 6:30PM and you were still in your apartment staring at your phone, waiting for him.

Crying, you pick up your bags and get ready to leave.

This would never work. He is unable to resolve things by talking. He always runs away from you. You would end up getting your heart broken in the future.

Not that your heart isn’t broken right now. You opened up to him and told him the whole truth and somehow he chose to listen to the wrong thing and leave. This time you were proud of yourself though. You reached out to him and you tried to resolve everything before having to leave again. It was his choice to not listen. There’s only so much you can do. Relationships are a two way street. You can’t keep fighting for something while the other person simply gives up and walks away. It’s exhausting and you will always end up in tears.

Maybe this was for the best.

That four hour drive was done listening to sad songs and trying to tell yourself you’ll be just fine. You still had no fucking clue of what you wanted to do. Even though you had an amazing time with everyone including the new guy, this situation with Jeonghan might prove to be a little too much for you to handle.

You needed to sleep on this and hope your boss didn’t ask you for your answer first thing in the morning.

The next day you went to work and went back to normal. The usual meetings, usual coachings, usual schedule. It felt normal.

By the end of the day you still didn’t know what to do. You missed everything about the other branch, city and people. But you didn’t know if your heart could take any more hits. Going back there wasn’t going to be easy.

You were split.

It was the end of the day and you were packing up to go home. Your boss hasn’t mentioned it at all. You talked about work during the day and he checked-in with you and the team but he didn’t ask you anything else. You felt relieved. Maybe he would give you more time before making a final decision.

As you reached for the door of your office to leave, there’s a knock.

It was your boss.

Fuck. You knew it was too good to be true.

“Hey again, Y/N. Going home?” he asked you.

“Yup. Not a fan of overtime especially when the work's all done” you told him and you both laughed.

“Look, I don’t want to pressure you but we have their branch breathing down our necks. They need an answer asap. I assume you don’t have one yet since you didn’t talk to me about it but just a heads up, they might contact you directly if you take too long deciding” he let you know and you sighed.

“I want to go back. Nothing against this branch but it’s just a bit too slow paced for me. You’re a great manager and I’ve really enjoyed my time here but it’s been difficult adjusting even to my apartment. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier today. Not gonna lie, before this moment, I had no clue what I wanted but as soon as you asked me I knew what the answer was” you answered him and he laughed.

“I get it. You and that team are the dream team. Hard to move on from that when that’s what you love. I don’t hold it against you. We can let the team here know tomorrow so that you can start helping Chris with stepping into the role, is that okay?”

“Of course but this soon? When do I have to leave by?” you asked a bit surprised on how fast this was moving.

“They want you back there asap. I don’t blame them either. I’ll let them know of your decision and let’s say two weeks? Would that be enough time for Chris to get prepared? What do you think as his current team lead?”

“That’s more than enough time. Like I told you before, Chris was already aware and saw me do a lot of the team lead’s tasks. It should be an easy adjustment for him” you said and he nodded.

“Alright, then! Have a good night and we’ll meet with your team first thing in the morning” your manager told you as he walked out with you.

“One more thing… Can we not tell the team over there? I wanted to surprise them, if that’s okay?” you asked your manager and he laughed again.

“I’m okay with it. Let me ask them over there and I’ll let you know tomorrow, yeah?” he answered you and you nodded.

You got to your apartment, sat down on the couch and started laughing.

You have no idea what came over you but when your manager asked what you wanted to do, you couldn’t help but say you wanted to go back. This whole thing with Jeonghan won’t be easy and you will hurt but at least you’ll be around the people you love most in the world, in your comfy home that you love so much.

You couldn’t wait to leave.

The next two weeks went by so slow. Every day seemed to drag on forever. This was how bad you wanted to go back.

Your team was sad but they understood your decision and they were also super excited about having Chris step up.

You spent those two weeks helping Chris and preparing him for the role and by the end he was full on taking care of the team while you shadowed along. Maybe that’s why the days went by even slower at the end. You were watching Chris do your job and reporting to your manager but you weren’t doing much more.

Your manager was able to convince the other branch about keeping this a secret for now. Seungkwan was informed and he also promised to not say anything since he knew what this meant for you all. He may have only spent that one night around all of you but it was clear to him you belonged there with the team and that he still had a lot to learn before stepping up at that branch.

It was difficult not to say anything in the group chat specially since your team figured out some moves in the team were going to happen but they just didn’t know what and they kept talking about it and speculating. They were suspicious it had to do with Seungkwan since they all filed the same complaint with HR but they weren’t sure since Seungkwan wouldn’t tell them either.

The day before you left you had dinner with Chris and the boys to say goodbye. They were a great team, really. You just didn’t belong here with them. You hoped the best for them and you knew Chris would grow a lot more in the future if he kept working the way he had.

The next day you drove home. Home. Felt good to say and to think about. You couldn’t wait to get there.

You had to be careful once you got there though. You didn’t want to get caught and be told on before Monday. Clara lives very close to you so grocery shopping was going to be a risk but you had to risk it because there was no way you weren’t going to cook and enjoy some nice home cooked meals.

Those days went by fast and so far no one had found out you were back and would be back working at the branch.

When you got to the office, you went straight to your manager’s office and as soon as you walked in, you two shared a huge hug. She had missed you just as much as you had missed her. Having another woman team lead to fight Jeonghan’s manager was much needed since he had been on a whole other level after you left.

Part of you thinks your manager asked the whole office to join the meeting so that she could rub it in his face that you were back permanently to make his life hell if needed.

The time for the meeting was finally here and your heart was beating fast. You’re excited to see your team’s reaction but also you can’t deny that you want to see how Jeonghan reacts.

How can something so simple be so terrifying?

When everyone was gathered in the big conference room, your manager started the meeting by saying there would be a few changes happening in the marketing team. She kept her speech short and gave Seungkwan the floor.

“So as you guys know, I transferred here from a much slower branch. When I was team lead there things were very different. I adjusted well and got along well with everyone. Here, things have been tricky. Even though I get along with my team on a personal level, things have been less than ideal on a professional level. When all of this became clear to all of us, I was approached by my manager and I was informed I was going to be replaced here as team lead. I could either choose to stay here as a member of the marketing team, or go back to my previous branch as team lead” he paused then and everyone started looking around in confusion. Probably because they knew you were the team lead at that branch so what did this all mean?

“Well, I chose to stay here as a team member. I wanted to learn from the new team lead whoever that was. Initially I didn’t know who that was. The final decision hadn’t been made but once I found out who it was, I was incredibly happy to be working and learning from her. I don’t want to prolong this anymore than I already have so let’s all please, welcome the new team lead for our marketing team!” he said and started clapping.

Everyone else joined and started to look around trying to find the person who was replacing Seungkwan.

You got in the room from behind your manager and as soon as Hoshi’s eyes landed on you, he ran to you and picked you up while screeching like an insane bird.

“Put me down, you maniac!” you said and as soon as he did everyone from your team ran up to hug you.

“Better surprise than last time?” you asked and they all nodded.

You were all in your little world and your manager interrupted you.

“Not to ruin this family reunion but do you have a few words for everyone?” she asked.

“I’m not very good at these things as you probably found out last time so I don’t have a lot to say. It was a good experience over there but not enough for me professionally. Also I missed my team and my home. And now I’m back so I’m looking forward to working and/or fighting some of you” you said and everyone laughed.

You found Jeonghan in the back behind everyone. He had a blank expression on his face and as soon as your manager told everyone they could go, he was the first one out the door.

You were disappointed but not surprised. This reaction was very him.

Shua, Wonwoo and Seungcheol ran up to you and welcomed you back. Told you they missed you. Silvia was a bit more chill about it but you could tell she was happy mostly because Seokmin was happy to have you back. You’ll take it either way.

From then on everything went back to normal. Usual team meetings, usual interdepartmental meetings, usual lunch with everyone. After three weeks, it felt like you had never left. Seungkwan was a great addition to your team just like you thought. He may have not been ready for the team lead position but he was an extraordinary team member to your team.

Everything went back to what it was supposed to be. You were so happy to be back even if things with Jeonghan stayed the same. He never answered that text and never called you back and ever since you came back, he never spoke to you. You talked during meetings but about work only. He seemed to have found a good balance of being an asshole and simply accepting your teams’ proposals when they made perfect sense. Everything was going great but somehow, when you were alone in your office and at home, you still felt empty.

Right now you were in your office, looking out the window. The day has been going okay so far, you just didn’t feel good. It seems the more time passes like this between you and Jeonghan, the worse you feel every single day.

As you were almost falling asleep in your chair staring out the window, there was a knock at your door. You asked them to come in and to your surprise, Shua walks through the door.

“May I come in and sit? Do you have a few minutes to chat, Y/N?”

“Hmm… Yeah, go ahead. Surprisingly, it’s been a slow day. What do you need to talk to me about? Is it about the Privé campaign proposal?”

“Actually it’s not work related. It’s personal” he said and you started to get nervous.

You gulped.

“Okay” was all you said.

“Look, I don’t know how your conversation went the last time you were here before you moved back but he’s been miserable since then. From what I can tell so far, you haven’t been doing much better so forgive my intrusion but what the hell happened that day?” Shua asked and you just broke down.

You started sobbing. He locked your office door and came back to you to hug you.

You got up from the chair and you both moved to the couch in your office.

“Sorry” you said as he handed you the tissue box from your desk before sitting back down again next to you.

“I don’t know what happened. We were talking and then he just left out of nowhere. Then Sunday I asked him to meet with me so we could fix whatever misunderstanding this was and he ignored both my call and text. He hasn’t spoken to me since that day. I wanted to know what made him leave but he won’t give me the chance” you told him and you tried to stop crying.

“He told me you confessed to him and then turned him down. It didn’t make sense to me at the time but he’s sure you rejected him” Shua said and you looked back at him confused.

“I didn’t reject him, Shua. I told him no when he asked if things could go back to the way they were before with us because that’s not what I want. I… Have feelings for him. Why would I want to go back to being fuck buddies or whatever the fuck we were before?” you asked and you hoped he would understand what you meant.

“You love him and you wanted a relationship… You weren’t rejecting him, you were rejecting being fuck buddies…” he said as he looked around and scoffed.

“Love is a strong word” you told him and sighed.

“Is it though? Look at you two. You’re both miserable and for what? You should be together, Y/N. How much longer are you going to keep hurting each other?” he asked and you got offended.

“Hurting each other? He’s the one that keeps making shit decisions and not listening to me. Even when I reach out to him, he pushes me away. He’s the one constantly breaking my heart and I’m the one stupid enough to keep letting him” you said as you got up back to your desk.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way. I’m just tired of watching you both fight this. I know you’re tired of trying and being the one pushing but maybe you should do it one last time. Tell him what you told me and make sure he understands you can’t be the only one fighting for the two of you. That he can’t run away any time he thinks he heard something he doesn’t like”

“Is it worth it, Shua? To keep fighting? There’s always been misunderstandings between us, something always happens to break us apart. Maybe it’s a sign we just shouldn’t be together. Being with someone shouldn’t be this difficult. I know a good relationship means hard work but this is too much. I can’t keep fighting for someone who just runs away every time. Just avoids the issue and ignores me. No relationship can survive that”

“I’m a firm believer that nothing good comes easy. You have to put in the work. And I know he fucked up more than once and you’ve been the one carrying all of this but are you really going to let him go just because of this? A silly misunderstanding about him not getting you wanted a relationship? Think about it. He’s a literal man, Y/N. He needs things spelled out to him most times, specially when it comes to the person he loves most in the world. You’ve been through so much together that his mind just picks the negative and runs. It’s not your fault but if you think this relationship could be the real deal, try one more time. Tell him everything. Clearly, with no room for misunderstandings”

You nodded and he nodded back.

He got up to leave and as he was unlocking your office door and leaving he turned back.

“Just think about it, please, Y/N” he said and left.

When you got home that night, it was all you could think about.

You wish you could ask someone. You had never told anyone about you and Jeonghan so you didn’t have anyone to talk to about this and share their opinion. You didn’t know if you should either. This is a decision you need to make by yourself.

You spent the night thinking it over and you decided it was time to be brave and grow up. You wouldn’t do this through text or call. Tomorrow morning you were going straight to his office and you’re going to lay your cards on the table. You’re going to tell him what an asshole he is and that this is his last chance. If he wants it, he’ll have to put in the work from now on. No more running. No more ignoring you. Open communication or it’s not even worth starting anything back up between the two of you.

You couldn’t sleep very well. You woke up nervous and angry. You rushed to the office so you could be there early and talk to him before the day started. But of course, nothing ever goes to plan when it comes to Jeonghan, and your manager called you in to talk about the new accounts that were joining the company and what you and your team should expect from them.

By the time you and your manager were done with that small meeting, everyone was already in the office and working hard. Shit. Should you do this now or later? Fuck it, you need this to be over with. You can’t suffer like this anymore.

You went to his office and of course, the first thing you are greeted with is Hana with her paws all over him, twirling his tie in her hand and laughing. He looked bored. He was leaning against his desk. He still let her do it though and you were beyond angry.

You knocked on his open door and cleared your throat.

He looked up and when he saw it was you, he gulped and tried moving away from Hana.

“Can’t you see we’re busy?” Hana asked you with disdain.

You’re being tested. ‘Please, do not choose murder, please. Stay calm’ you told yourself as you walked in his office towards them.

“Hands off and fuck off, Hana. Don’t you have work to do? As far as I know this is a fucking office so act professional and not like a hormonal teenager or I’ll report you to your team lead and to HR” you told her and she gasped.

Jeonghan just kept looking between the two of you and removed his tie from her hand.

“Jeonghan, say something!” she said as she turned to him and crossed her arms.

You looked at Jeonghan with a tilted head and raised your eyebrows.

“Get out, Hana. Go back to work. You shouldn’t have been here in the first place” he told her as he finally moved away from her completely and sat down on his desk chair.

She scoffed, flipped her hair, looked you up and down and finally left.

You closed his office door behind her and turned back to him.

“Am I just going to have to see that forever or do you plan on telling her to stop it anytime soon? I guess old habits die hard, huh?” you asked as you sat down in front of him.

“I’m sorry” was all he told you.

“Getting fucking sick of hearing that. I need to talk to you and you seem to ignore me through text and phone calls and even around here so you left me no choice. Do you have time now or do you want me to leave?” you asked and he stayed silent.

“Just know that if you tell me to leave, it will be the last fucking time I’ll give you the chance to push me away, so choose wisely” you continued and waited for his answer.

He continued to stay silent.

So be it.

You got up and started to leave his office.

“Stop, please. I’m sorry. Stay. Yes. Let’s talk” he said as he grabbed your hand and pulled you back, closer to him.

“I’m going to make this simple. Joshua talked to me yesterday. He told me you said I rejected you. You really need to start listening to what I say, Jeonghan. I didn’t reject you or your feelings. What I told you was that I did not want to go back to being fuck buddies. I wanted more for us. But you didn’t let me say that. You just got up and left with an assumption that I was rejecting you” you said and you could see the cogs starting to turn in his brain. He was realizing he had fucked up yet again.

“And because I was confused and didn’t understand why you left the way you did, I reached out to you. I wanted to talk it over before I left. I wanted to make everything clear between us and you ignored me again. I waited for you in my home and you didn’t even text back. That really fucking hurt” you continued and you started to cry now.

“You know that weekend I had already been given a choice to either stay there or come back here. After what happened with us, after you broke my heart again, I almost stayed there. But I chose to come back because I was always happier here. Whatever was going on with us, I couldn’t let that stop me so I came back. And you didn’t give a shit. You were the first to leave the meeting and you haven’t spoken a word to me in weeks”

You were getting angrier now. He needed to understand this was his absolute last chance and you were going to make sure you got through to him.

“When Shua talked to me yesterday, he said I should try one more time. Telling you everything clearly so that were no more misunderstandings. I didn’t want to. I can’t be the only one fighting and pushing through the misunderstandings. We can’t keep having these misunderstandings. I deserve better than getting hurt all the time because you won’t talk to me. You just run and ignore the issue and break both of our hearts. You need to choose, Jeonghan. Either you start taking responsibility and we start a mature relationship where we talk to each other about everything that is bothering us or maybe, if you don’t think it’s worth it or you’re not strong enough, we just end everything now. Completely. We’ll be nothing more than coworkers”

This was it.

You were done.

He had all the information he needed to make his choice.

No more ambiguity, no more uncertainty. He needed to choose to either fight for your relationship and stop being scared or let you go.

“You don’t have to answer me right now but--”

He stopped you from talking by kissing you.

His hands were holding your face as he kissed you and you kissed him right back.

You missed him so much. He was such an asshole for torturing you both.

He backed you both up against the back wall of his office and he kept kissing you hard.

You stayed like that for a while. Until your phone started to ring in your pocket.

It was Hoshi. He probably couldn’t find you and he needed you.

“I need to go” you whispered against his lips and he kissed you again.

You started laughing.

“Seriously, I have to go. That’s a yes on the relationship then?” you asked, still holding him.

“Fuck yes, absolutely. I will never let you down again, that’s a fucking promise, angel”

“It better be. Let’s take it slow, yeah? I know that’s a bit of a cliché but I want us to start fresh. Going on dates, getting to know each other. Since we’re both hopeless romantics after all” you said and you both smiled.

“Anything you want, angel”

You left his office and met with Hoshi who was freaking out about something Seungkwan had said. These two will drive you insane but nothing matters right now. All you can think about is Jeonghan. You wondered how things were going to progress between you two from now on.

After a few weeks, you and Jeonghan were doing great. He started by leaving you coffee on your desk every morning with a note and he always checked on you during the day. You had lunch together every day (with your teams but still) and he took you out on dates almost every day.

It may have been too much for some people but you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible and he felt the same. You had dinner together almost every day and you spent the weekends together. You had gone to amusement parks, gone on hikes, you had picnics by the river and so many other good things.

You were slowly getting to know each other and your feelings for him were growing more and more every day. You hoped he felt the same way.

You had been honest with each other about everything. You told him you needed him to put a stop to Hana following him around and being all over him. It made you uncomfortable and he agreed that was a door he needed to close permanently for both of you but also for Hana’s sake. So she could move on. He always talked to you every time he felt insecure or scared and you helped him through it. Your dynamic stayed the same. Always challenging each other and being snarky but you both loved it that way.

You had even met each others’ families already. It was funny watching your families react to you and him dating. You both talked so much shit about each other to your families that everyone was confused when you told them. His sister seemed to be the only one that knew this was exactly how you and him were going to end up.

There were a few things you haven’t done so far. You haven’t told anyone in the office, well except Shua and Seungcheol. And, you haven’t slept together yet. It just didn’t happen. You had been so focused on doing things right and getting to know him that that part hadn’t really been on your mind too much. You already knew that side of him and sure, you missed it but you didn’t want to rush anything. He seemed to feel the same way since he hadn’t made any moves towards that at all. You also haven’t told each other those three words. You wanted to. You knew you loved him. It was clear. It had been clear for a while but you were still scared about that. He hasn’t said them either which has surprised you so far but you understand. He’s probably just as scared as you are.

Next Friday was the regularly scheduled end of quarter party at your company. It was at the usual place, at the usual time and you wanted to be able to enjoy it with Jeonghan but the office still doesn’t know so you decided to ask him about it.

You went to his office during the day and brought it up.

“I was thinking… Maybe we can tell people… In the office… I wanted to go with you to the party and I can’t do that if we keep hiding this…”

“I would like that very much. I’ve wanted to do that since day one, angel”

You smiled and kissed him.

He pulled you closer to stand between his legs and you made a bolder move and straddled him on his desk chair while you kept kissing.

He pulled away from you and held your face with his hands. You moved to kiss him again and he laughed and stopped you.

“Hey… Look at me, angel…”

You stared into his eyes deeply.

“I love you, Y/N” he said and he gulped. He was nervous. It was the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your fucking life. You smiled hard.

“I love you too, Jeonghan”

He smiled just as hard as you and he started to kiss you again. Hard. One of his hands had now moved to your ass and he was pushing you on his cock. He was hard. You telling him you loved him back got him hard. That was fucking hot.

Your kiss started to get more and more heated but neither of you could stop. Not now knowing that you loved each other. Finally hearing it from each others lips was the last straw and you got reminded of how much you missed fucking him. You could feel how desperate he was for you too and you both just couldn’t stop what was happening, neither did you want to.

“Y/N, we need your approval on this. Can you--”

Hoshi and your team barged into Jeonghan’s office and you jumped away from Jeonghan so fast. But not fast enough. Jeonghan started laughing and moving his chair towards his desk to cover his very prominent boner.

You were all silent. Hoshi, Seokmin and Seungkwan looked horrified while Clara and Sunny were smirking behind them.

“Hey, what’s going on? Why is everyone just standing here?” Joshua asked as he walked by Jeonghan’s office and saw the crowd.

He looked into the office and immediately realized you two had been caught red-handed.

“Oh… You should really lock your doors, guys” he said as he laughed and Jeonghan laughed with him. You affectionately slapped his shoulder for him to stop.

“I need to go wash my eyes” Hoshi said but didn’t move.

“I knew it! I mean I didn’t know it but very nice, Y/N. We have to talk” Clara added and Sunny laughed and nodded.

You rolled your eyes and smiled.

“This isn’t how I wanted you to find out. We were actually going to tell you about it today” you said.

“Before or after you defiled his office?” Seokmin asked you and everyone laughed.

“Definitely after” Jeonghan answered and you were ready to kick his ass.

“Come on, let’s get back to work. We can talk about it later” you said and started to leave. You gestured at your team to follow you.

“Oh we’re talking now, screw work” Sunny said and everyone agreed.

“This is why I didn’t tell you sooner” you added and they all laughed.

You told them the truth about everything with you and Jeonghan. Except what Clara and Sunny wanted to know. That, you didn’t say shit about. They were not happy about it.

Nothing changed from then on out. Everyone knew but it didn’t change any dynamic. Just some added jokes about you two angry fucking each other after your usual disagreements at interdepartmental meetings.

You also informed HR about your relationship and followed all the right steps. Soon enough, everyone at the office knew. Most people were surprised but nice about it. There were a few that were angry and doing their best to ruin your relationship either by creating rumors or trying to get in between you two. Hana and Jackson. Jackson was being an asshole but he wasn’t pushing anyones boundaries or creating issues. Hana on the other hand, was trying her best to ruin this for you two.

She started rumors about him still fucking her. She constantly tried to touch him and follow him around. It was frustrating but all you could do was report her to HR and move on. It had only been a few days but she was working hard trying to break you two up. It didn’t matter. You trusted Jeonghan and he always stopped her and her rumors whenever he heard them. You two agreed she would eventually stop. This was still fresh to everyone and she needed to get it out of her system.

You and Jeonghan were really good now and nothing she could do would change that.

Friday came fast and you were excited. This quarter was a rollercoaster but you were happy to be back here at this branch with the people you loved, in your home that you loved so much as well.

Jeonghan joined you and Clara in the Uber and you met up with everyone there.

You sat at the same table you had last time, with the same people, but so much has changed.

This time around, you were in love with the one you claimed to hate before. You were here with him and you were going to enjoy this completely.

Everyone was drinking and having fun. Dinner and the awards started and it was just as fun as you remembered. You had gone to a few end of quarter parties at the other branch and you never had this much fun. This was the best. This was where you belonged. With these people. With this team. With him. You were so happy right now, words couldn’t begin to explain it.

The awards had just ended and they were getting ready for the DJ set to start and you decided to get a refill on your drink.

When you came back to the table, Jeonghan wasn’t there. You checked your phone just in case and he had texted you.

“Join me. You know where”

You smiled and got up to go meet Jeonghan in the room you first started this whole thing in.

You walked in and locked the door behind you.

Jeonghan was sitting on the sofa by the window that you sat on last time. He was in the dark again, just like last time.

You walked towards him and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa, looking out the window.

He looked at you and you smiled still staring at the window.

“Getting sentimental, baby?” you asked, still looking out the window.

“Hopeless romantic. Remember, angel?” he asked and you laughed.

You looked at him and you stayed there looking at each other silently for a while until he sat up.

“Come closer, angel. You’re too far away from me”

You moved closer to him. As close as you could. He pushed your hair behind your ear and kissed you. Softly. Like he was scared you were going to break. This felt different. He was trying to show you in actions how he felt about you. You kissed him back and held his free hand in yours.

He started to deepen the kiss and you let him.

You moved to lay down and pulled him with you.

He was on top of you kissing you and you locked your legs around his waist.

You were already wet and he was hard. It had been too long since you had been together like this. You were being desperate for him and you knew he felt the same.

You reached down and started stroking his cock through his clothes and he whined.

“Don’t play with me, angel” he told you as he stopped kissing you.

You continued to stroke him through his clothes and he was panting and moaning into your mouth. You bit your lip. He was so sexy. You were losing your mind.

He pulled your hand away from his cock and pushed your dress up your body.

Jeonghan took your panties off and put them in his jacket pocket. From his other jacked pocket, he took out a condom and threw his jacket on the floor.

He moved down and kissed your thighs and your mound. Close to where you wanted him but not quite there. After a while of this, he started to leave bruises on your thighs. Fuck, you were wetter and wetter.

“I can see you clenching around nothing, angel. Are you that desperate for me?”

“Yes… Hannie, please… No more waiting…” you told him breathlessly.

“Fuck…”

He got up from the sofa and took his pants and underwear off. He moved back to the sofa and started fingering you slowly. He kept kissing your neck and all you did was moan and run your hands through his hair. He started scissoring his fingers inside you. He was impatient and you both knew it had been a while. He wanted to be inside you now and he needed to make sure he wasn’t going to hurt you.

“I love you” you moaned.

He stopped kissing your neck and kissed your lips deeply again. More forceful this time around.

He pulled away.

“I love you too, Y/N”

He put the condom on and started to tease your hole with his cock.

You whined.

“I don’t want to hurt you, angel. It’s been a while. Let me know if it’s too much, yeah?”

“Just get inside me, please… You’re driving me crazy, Hannie”

“Will you be a good angel for me then?”

“Always” you moaned and he pushed the head of his cock inside of you.

He was going slow. Rubbing circles on your clit, kissing you and with every stroke he pushed more of his cock inside you.

You started getting louder as he got deeper inside you.

“Not gonna gag me this time?” you asked and he laughed.

He moved closer to your lips.

“Let them hear it” he whispered and you both laughed together.

You pulled him down for a kiss and he pushed his cock all the way in until he bottomed out. You were moaning together against each other's lips.

After a few seconds, he started his pace.

Short, deep strokes, hitting the right spot. He knew your body so well. He still remembered exactly what to do to drive you crazy.

You were both loud. Moaning and panting. Not giving a shit about anyone outside of that room.

He grabbed one of your hands and interlaced it with his.

He kept fucking you hard and whispering how much he loved you. You whispered and moaned it back to him.

You were both close and you knew it.

He increased the pace of his fingers on your clit and increased the pace of his strokes as well.

You started squeezing his cock and you could feel yourself closer and closer.

Jeonghan squeezed your hand and moved to whisper in your ear.

He told you he loved you but when he said he would never let you go again, it pushed you over the edge and you came. Hard. It felt different this time. More tangible. Stronger.

When you came down from your high, his strokes were slower and he was looking in your eyes.

You pulled him in to lay on top of you and held him impossibly close.

Much like he did to you, you whispered in his ear and told him how much you loved him. That you wanted to be in his arms forever. And he emptied himself into the condom with a moan of your name.

This time around you laid there together. Just holding each other.

There was no rush. No weirdness. Just two people that loved each other and had finally found their way back to each other.

You didn’t know what was going to happen in the future.

You knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Nothing ever is with Jeonghan. But it certainly is worth it.

As you lay there with him you start thinking about the day you left.

About how you thought you were both just passing through each other's lives.

At that time it seemed that way.

He was just a boy creating chaos in your life for a while and you were just a girl that left and used your career as an excuse.

Now you know how wrong you were. How sad and miserable your life would have been without him in it. Without him with you. Just like this. Every day.

You know that from now on, you weren’t just another person passing through each other’s lives. You were everything in each other’s lives. You were both where you belonged.

With each other. Always together, and never to be apart again.

IT’S FINALLY HERE AND IT’S A MONSTER AGAIN Another rollercoaster of emotions 😭 I hope you love this as much as I loved writing it 💕 As usual, please let me know in the comments and such if you enjoyed reading it <3 Thank you for supporting me! Happy holidays! 🎆 CHEERS 🥂

Taglist (if you requested specifically): @woofie-nctzen-fanarts, @lovrchl, @lockburn-castle, @luchiet, @deeznutzaintnutting, @cheesytangerine, @avocifera, @odetoyeonjun, @listxn, @gyubbgist, @cvpidxo, @leicy0756, @sunflowergyeomie, @whore4stucky9104, @bangtanskz, @cecefarm, @staurdvst, @haahydvhkmhhn, @tsukkisdoll, @miniseokminnies, @namjinsworld

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digitaldiarystuff · 9 months ago

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Enemies Forever

soo this is something i’ve had in mind since the el clasico and hope you enjoyyy💖 and please comment on it that really helps me a lot xx

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pairing: Jude Bellingham x Y/N

genre: angst

summary: you are a famous actress in Spain and a die hard barca fan. You unfortunately were also in a situationship with the Real superstar Jude Bellingham but try your best to not let it get serious

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It was an intense match, to say the least. You were at the stands watching with so much anticipation you didn’t even realize the crowd filming you. It wasn’t the easiest being recognized everywhere you went but most importantly you didn’t want to steal the spotlight from what mattered the most, FC Barcelona.

You were raised as a fan religiously by your dad all your childhood, every match day was a chaos while all your close family friends and relatives came to your house and there was always a big feast before or after but never during the game. He even wanted to name you after the squad of Barca but luckily your mother intervened and named you something cuter so it was not a surprise to anyone that you were a big supporter. You were filming a series in Madrid as a young and successful actress so the game being held in Madrid was in your advantage for once. You always talked on interviews about your love for the club and went as far as being one of their models for a campaign last year which was a lifelong dream for you. And now, here you were anxiously watching the game against Real Madrid at Bernabeu VIP section with your Lewa shirt on. You decided wearing a youngsters shirt would cause so much more trouble even though you basically had all of them.

The game was head to head and it seemed like there would be room for another goal and it really happened, just not the way you wanted it to be. Bellingham scored right after the 90 minutes mark and everyone started screaming whilst you were devastated. With Fermin’s goal you really had hope for a win and since the season wasn’t going that well everyone needed it but it all came crashing down with a stupid goal from a stupid Madrid player.

Jude Bellingham.

You hated the way he celebrated rallying the fans further, you hated that he provoked everyone and anyone and most of all you hated him for scoring against your team. You and Jude had a complicated relationship, it was actually a few days after the first clasico at a prestigious night club in Madrid that you bumped into each other. You were seething with anger because a few days ago he crushed your hopes, again but he didn’t seem too concerned about your anger. In fact he looked like he enjoyed watching you try to shoot daggers at him and even had the audacity to come up to you late at night while you were completely wasted.

You sometimes wished that the story ended there, he came up to you and tried to flirt but you told him no way and walked away. But it didn’t. In fact, you and Jude had been meeting up pretty frequently over the last months and playing football definitely wasn’t his only talent. At first you told yourself it was all out of hatred, you did it because you were angry at him. In the morning you quickly dressed up and told him your team would be in contact to sign the non disclosure agreement and left in a hurry not even speaking to him properly. It was a shameful act but it was just a one night stand, right? Then came the second time you met, it was at your costar’s house party where only a few people were invited and he had to be one of them. Jude came up to you talking loudly about how your show helps him get better at Spanish and all this bullshit to throw any eavesdroppers off.

“What the hell are you doing here?” you asked him with furrowed brows “You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Oh, I’m sorry didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to leave the house unless I had your approval. I also didn’t know we were getting that serious.” he winked and smiled but all you could feel was panic and frustration.

“No, it’s not what I- We’re nothing. No in fact we aren’t nothing, we’re rivals and we despise each other.” you stated pointing your finger at him but he just watched your poor attempt of scolding him with a boyish grin on his face.

That’s how you ended up sleeping with him the second time and the next morning tried your best to escape without him waking up but he beat you to it.

“Where are you going?” he mumbled in a deep voice as you were walking out on him.

“I have a scene to shoot this afternoon.” you lied without looking at his face.

“It’s only 7” he answered back as he reached for his phone on the nightstand.

“I know.” you said still refusing to turn back but soon heard shuffling and felt his arms reach around you and pull you in a hug. You stiffened in his touch, not sure what to expect.

“Why are you trying so hard to hate me?” he leaned his head on your shoulder trying to get a look at you but you turned your head slightly.

You were caught off guard by his question.

“I’m not trying.” you confidently answered using your acting skills. “I just do”

He sighed loudly and freed you.

“So let me get this straight, this, this whole thing we did last night, it’s all out of hate? I hope all the Barca fans who hate me won’t request the same treatment.” he joked you and you felt your anger return immediately at the mention of your team.

“Yes, I hate you. I hate you and your club. This, us sleeping together a couple of times changes nothing in my eyes. It was just a drunken mistake.” you tried defending yourself but knew your excuse was weak since you didn’t even drink much last night in hopes that would prevent you from getting in his bed, which was proven not to be the case.

“Oh, c’mon Y/N you know this isn’t just being drunk and wanting to fuck anything that moves.”

“But it is.”

“But it’s not and you know it. Yes, that would explain the first time but the second one, that’s on you. Look I seriously can’t stop thinking about you and I don’t believe it when you say you don’t want anything with me.”

“You practically begged me.” you raised your voice being in disbelief about how he was trying to pin this on you and also deliberately ignoring his last statement but unfortunately, your heart rate was pretty damn affected by it.

“Yeah, I did because I’m not a coward who’s afraid of what people might think of me and there’s obviously something between us Last night you had every right to stop me but you didn’t. So stop with this bullshit.” he said also in a raised voice. You were too stunned to make a comeback so gathered all your belongings and left his place. He was an annoying guy, sure but what got to you the most was the fact that he was right. You had every chance to tell him to stop or leave you alone but there was something linking you to him. You felt it too but was pretty embarrassed by it. Jude tried calling out to you but you didn’t stop afraid of what might happen and walked to your car leaving his place.

After that it was calm for a while but with Jude, this is never a good sign.

Your inner voice was right and there he was, standing at your door at 2 am. He looked out of it, his eyes were hooded, his phone screen was cracked and he smelled like a luxurious liquor store.

“Jude, how did you-

“I asked Ines.” he explained before you finished your question which was a good sign, his brain still half worked.

“Why would she give you my home address this is so irresponsible, what if you were planning on killing me?” you panicked at your friend’s poor judgment but Jude found it amusing. He bit his lip in order to stop himself from giggling.

“What are you laughing at? Are you here to kill me?” you raised a brow being more annoyed at him now.

“I’m here to talk.” he immediately looked more serious but it only made you sweat.

“Talk about…” you trailed off hoping he’d finish the sentence for you.

“The global warming and its effects on the society.” he looked at you like you were dumb for even asking. “I’m here to talk about us.” he said when you flipped him off.

“Jude, there’s no us and you know it.”

“But I don’t know it Y/N, I really don’t because you try so hard to act like you don’t feel anything but I see it every time we’re together. The you hating me and being disgusted by me is all part of the act and I know it because whenever we touch it’s electricity.” he tried pleading with you but you were adamant about this being nothing important. You were just mortal enemies having hate sex.

“Jude, I think you’re just reading too much into it.” you finally said and saw his shoulders drop immediately. You knew you were lying, you felt it as much as he did, you couldn’t stop thinking about him either.

“S okay, I’m sorry to bother you.” he turned on his heels and started making his way down the stairs of your house but all you felt was panic. You tried your best to stay strong and not let these weird feelings get in the way of your brain but they did and you called out to him. He turned back when you asked if he wanted some water but both of you knew this had nothing to do with any beverage.

He came in that night and you started to talk, for the first time without you taking jabs at him for anything he said or him making stupid jokes. You expected the talk to be awkward and have stretched out silences but to your absolute surprise it happened so effortlessly.

You talked about your upbringings and families, jobs (yes you still gave him a hard time about being a Real Madrid player) and anything and everything. It felt so good to open up to someone about some of the things you found hard and he did the same. In fact, the night went so good that you asked him to join you in bed after a while and he held you while you slept. Needless to say it was probably the best sleep you’ve had in your adult life.

The next morning you woke up to see Jude cuddling to you like a koala and couldn’t help but smile to yourself. You wanted to make some breakfast so tried slowly getting out of his grasp but it only became stronger.

“I’m not letting you escape.” he murmured still half asleep.

“Jude, this is my house.” you laughed but he still didn’t budge.

“I want to make something to eat.” you whined hoping this would make him drop you but he just opened one eye and looked at you skeptically.

“Don’t you have a chef?”

“Oh, I’m sorry not all of us has that kind of money.” you retaliated and his face immediately turned pink as he thought you were offended.

“I- I didn’t mean it like-

“Relax, I’m messing with you. I do but she’s on a vacation.” you laughed but he stayed pouting so you figured a kiss would do the trick and it worked wonders.

This is how your past months were, secretly meeting up at one of your places, having dinner and basically doing most things couples do but without going out or having a title. He tried to have ‘the talk’ but you shut him down because it terrified you, you had strong feelings about him but decided it’d be better to sweep them under the rug and Jude, begrudgingly respected your decision.

But today was different, it was the el clasico and you couldn’t stand Jude at the moment. You were pretty convinced people could see the smoke coming out of your ears but didn’t care and hastily exited the stadium to go home. On the ride back you missed several texts and calls from Jude about where you were and when you finally checked them you didn’t bother to answer. He should know how mad you were right now and give you some space.

Unfortunately, that’s not the kind of man Jude Bellingham is. You were sure of it when you saw him standing at the door with a smug face and some chinese.

“I’m seriously not in the mood” you tried to shut the door because just seeing him made your blood boil.

“Aren’t you gonna congratulate me?” he laughed and you suddenly had an urge to strangle him but while you were staring at him in shock he made his way in.

“Jude, I said I’m not in the mood.” you reiterated but he was busy making himself comfortable on your couch. You stood in front of him while he looked up at you.

“Oh, come on, you can’t seriously be mad. This is my job Y/N.”

“And that was my team you scored against at the last minute.”

“What should have I done? Miss on purpose?” he looked at you like he was stating the obvious.

“I didn’t ask you to do anything on purpose, I’m just not in the mood for your teasing or gloating.” you motioned to the real madrid shirt he had on.

“How is this gloating? I literally came straight from the game? I didn’t have anything else clean.”

“Well yeah, it’s pissing me off.” you yelled.

“Y/N you need to understand I’m a professional footballer and I was just doing my job. It wasn’t anything personal.” he stated more calmly so you sat down next to him.

“And you need to understand it’s nothing personal too. I just can’t or won’t deal with a Madrid player right now… Or for a while.” you added with your hands in your hair and he raised an eyebrow.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.” you avoided his gaze.

“So you want to end this because I scored a goal.” he asked trying to remain calm but you could see his demeanor shift.

“Look, it was never going to work out anyway. We don’t have to make it a big deal.”

Now it was Jude’s turn to stand up angrily. He started shouting but you couldn’t even focus on the things he was saying, all you could think about was to wish you’ve never said all that. You didn’t even mean it but were just angry at the moment, maybe you wanted to hurt him just like he hurt you but you quickly realized breaking things off had effects on both of you. Jude stormed out after about two minutes of yelling, he looked so mad and defeated and you couldn’t help but blame yourself for hurting him.

This was for the best, you told yourself repeatedly. Maybe if you said it enough times it’d become the truth.

You woke up the next morning with a headache, not surprisingly. For a moment you reached over at Jude’s side to get some affection but was quickly reminded of last night’s events by the coldness of his side. Your heart ached and you felt so bad after seeing his state but couldn’t bring yourself to beg for his forgiveness. Maybe you should’ve done that, told him about all your fears and ask for a proper chance but couldn’t.

After taking a quick shower, you decided to check your phone. You wanted to do it the moment you woke up but was afraid there wouldn’t be any notifications from Jude. Not that you cared but still. And to nobody shock, there weren’t. You knew this would eventually happen. One day you’d push him too far and he’d leave you alone just like you told him multiple times but the thing you didn’t anticipate was him being the talk of the town. Well, you figured he’d be because of the game last night but it was actually for other reasons.

‘Jude Bellingham spotted leaving the club with an unknown woman after a magnificent goal’

#football imagine #football #football oneshot #football x reader #football x y/n #football x you #football blurb #football one shot #football angst #fc barcelona #real madrid imagine #real madrid #jude bellingham angst #jude bellingham x yn #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham oneshot #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham

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lovelyo · 8 months ago

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Season 3 part 2 will be Ass. Let me Tell You Why.

Cause in the end, Penelope, Lady Whistledown, the one who has left devastation in people’s lives will get all what she wants. The man that she wants, the attention that she wants, the family she always wanted to be(so envious of them she talked shit about them ), will get her best friend back, might have the heir for that dumbass Featherington plot line, might get the Queen’s pardon and above all else, will most likely not give up LW cause they made LW such an integral part of the show.(so in that case, she’ll be even more filthy rich)

And if we go by leaked spoilers, it is said that Colin will be mad at Penelope for like 1 episode until Kanthony talks some “sense” into him. So that just tells me Kanthony will be OOC because there’s no damn way Anthony would let that beast comment about his wife slide.

There are no stakes when it comes to this season cause we all know how it’s finna go down. If Penelope gets any type of consequences, then her very undeserved HEA is doomed so everything is going to have to go her way for the already idiotic plot to make some form of sense. It’s like the love triangle in part 1, what the hell was the point of Lord Debling when everyone and their ancestors knew Colin and Penelope were end game? So we can see Colin’s cringe angst? If we already know the answer to the love triangle, there’s no point. The “find you a husband” plot line was stupid as shit anyway, but it’s whatever now.

Ugh, then we have to sit through more awkward love scenes between asshat 1 and 2

Eloise threatening Penelope with her LW identity is going to amount to nothing cause we know Penelope isn’t gonna receive any comeuppance. Matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they made Eloise apologize to Penelope for…🤷🏾‍♂️🤷(let’s apologize to the toxic friend for not dealing with their toxicity)

For Penelope to have a happy ending, she has to get away scot free and that’s what boils my blood. I hate in media and literature when a character goes around, creates chaos and receives nothing for it or just a slap on a wrist. I’ve noticed an increase in it lately too. Also, I’m tired of writers not severing their bias from their writing. I’ve been encountering many series lately where the writer(s) have favoritism towards a specific character and gives them the easy route, bends the world for them and pull punches just because they like them so much. It’s really aggravating cause you see everyone else getting put through the wringer and then you see the favored character walking through Candyland. It hurts the story, the character, and frankly makes you hate the character.

Everyone around Penelope is gonna act brain dead in order for Penelope to get what she wants and I’m not here for it. Even the general audience ain’t for it. The only people cheering this madness are the asylum patients called Polin fans with delusions that Penelope deserves the world.

I’m not even looking forward to Francesca and John’s story cause of the Poolin fecal matter I’ll have to swim through to get there. At this point, I’m might just watch spoilers of part 2 cause it’s not worth it.

P.S. Watch Cressida get the short end of the stick cause she’s the “bully” of the show and Penelope is the “victim”. Watch them break Creloise because of the “I don’t want you hanging around Eloise” subplot which will ultimately fuel Eloise and Penelope becoming friends again. Also, Penelope and Cressida competed for Lord Debling just for Penelope to go “sike” and marry Colin so she wasted Debling’s time and made Cressida feel like shit because she wasn’t chosen. P.S.S- Polins are huge ass hypocrites cause they ragged on Eloise being privileged and having “everything” but are silent about Penelope being privileged. By the end of this season, Penelope will basically have everything, even more so than Eloise, but sure, Penelope is definitely not privileged 😑. Penelope is privileged inside the world and outside by production, why are we denying this?

#anti penelope featherington #anti polin stans #anti polin #bridgerton season 3 is already a 4/10 #Penelope irks my soul #Get ready for everyone to be OOC for Penelope #Colin is an idiot #Cressida > Penelope forever and always #No stakes at all in this season #Eloise please stay friends with Cressida #bridgerton

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maximoffcarter · 10 months ago

Text

You're stuck with me.

Pairings: Casey Novak x reader.

Summary: Casey Novak and reader joined the squad almost at the same time, but as soon as they met, there was a spark that they couldn't deny. They were so in love that nothing really mattered to them, but maybe reader's last name could be a problem?"

A/n: This was requested by an anon, they gave me the choice to either use it with Alex or reader so...I decided to make reader a Cabot haha. I hope you guys enjoy this and please don't be afraid to send me any requests or ideas that you have, the more I have, the more I'm willing to post. I've missed so much writing that I'm having the time of my life. Enjoy and leave your comments, reblogs, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

*not my gif*

When y/n joined the SVU squad, the last thing she wanted was to be known as Alex Cabot’s little sister. Everywhere she went, even the most unexpected places in New York, they knew about the Cabot legacy, and it was for sure that precinct sixteen knew very well who Alex Cabot was, but y/n was working her way through to be a detective in Boston, wanting to stay away from Manhattan as much as she could. Her idea had even been to be transferred to Chicago at some point, but for some reason -maybe destiny- she ended up being transferred to SVU. She had almost begged Cragen to not tell people she was a Cabot, she knew how everyone appreciated her and were devastated when she had ‘died’, but the last thing she needed, was to be reminded of her name. Of course, it was inevitable, but she thought that at least she tried. The whole squad treated her like she was part of the family, saying she reminded them so much of Alex. She wasn’t too mad about it, but she wanted to be recognized for her work, for herself, not for Alex or her last name.

The only person that truly recognized her for who she was, just y/n, was Casey Novak. Casey and y/n had almost joined at the same time, both understanding each other in some level since they were the new members of team and they both felt left out even if they were all over y/n. Y/n tried to convince herself that since only Olivia and Elliot knew that Alex was alive, maybe the rest of the team just wanted to make sure that she was safe, and Olivia and Elliot knew that if they didn’t take care of y/n, then Alex would come back from the dead and kill them both.

But Casey, she only saw her as y/n, as the sweet girl that she happened to run into while she was leaving court, the sweet girl that was in charge of asking Casey for warrants if they needed one, the sweet girl that she was starting to fall for. For Casey, she was only y/n, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. Y/n had become so close with Casey that she couldn’t help her heart, she had started to fall in love with her, and she kinda hated it because it was against her rules, to date someone she worked with, and the very first rule; never date attorneys. But did she mind? Not one bit. Not when it came to Casey.

Casey looked up as y/n leaned over the doorframe with a silly smile. “You’re here to ask for a warrant, aren’t you?” She grinned.

Y/n chuckled. “How do you know?” She raised her brow as she walked to Casey’s desk and sat on it, looking down at Casey. “You know that’s mostly my job.” She grinned.

“Right, because they know we’re close and I wouldn’t come for your ass.” Casey grinned as she looked up at y/n. “Johansson case?”

“Yep.” Y/n sighed. “We believe he might be hiding something in his apartment, but he won’t tell us more. We believe his wife is also involved and she might be hiding something. We have enough reason to go to his apartment.”

Casey sighed softly. “Fine. Donnelly is the judge. I’m sure I can convince her.” She then smirked. “Or I can just tell her that y/n Cabot told me she needed it.”

Y/n furrowed her brows. “Hey, thought you were my friend.” She shook her head. “Do not use my last name.”

Casey stood up and stood in front of y/n. “You know I’m kidding. I’d never do that, even if they asked me to.” She offered a sweet smile.

Y/n smiled softly. “I know.”

Casey looked down at the floor for a moment as she moved closer to y/n, positioning herself between her legs. “So…only friends, huh?” She looked up at y/n, she had that little grin and look in her eyes that made y/n’s knees weak.

Y/n gulped as she looked up at Casey. “Uh…well, we…we never-“

Casey tilted her head. “I thought it was pretty clear.” She whispered softly, her voice becoming raspier.

“What?” Y/n whispered softly as Casey got impossibly closer to her body.

“That I want more than just a friendship.” Casey smirked as her hand went to y/n’s waist and the other on y/n’s neck, her finger tracing y/n lips as she wetted her own. “That you’re mine.” She tilted her head again. “Or do I need to remind you?”

Y/n felt her breath hitched, her body reacting to Casey’s touch instantly, and her hands going to Casey’s waist to pull her closer. “You don’t need to, but I’d like you to still remind me.” She grinned softly.

Casey chuckled darkly, leaning down, and closing the gap between them in a slow but passionate kiss, earning a moan from y/n as Casey gripped the back of her hair. Y/n kissed her back, wrapping her legs around Casey, making her arms wrap around y/n’s neck as she felt herself almost tripping, making them pull away. They laughed softly as Casey rested her forehead against y/n’s.

“I’m sorry.” Y/n whispered softly, looking up at Casey.

“You got a little too excited there.” Casey chuckled as she kissed her forehead softly. “But hey…” She placed her hand on y/n’s cheek and smiled. “I mean it. I do want us…this. To be more.”

“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Casey Novak?” Y/n smiled.

Casey grinned as she nodded. “I am, y/n Cabot.”

Y/n chuckled softly. “Then my answer is yes. I’d love to.” She smiled as she leaned in to kiss her lips again. “You know that anyone could walk in and find us like this, right?”

Casey looked behind y/n and chuckled, looking back at y/n. “You got something on your eye, I was just helping you.” She grinned as she kissed her nose.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully, but before she could say anything else, her phone went off, sighing softly. “That could be Liv.”

“I’ll go get you the warrant.” Casey kissed her lips one more time before she moved. “I’ll call you when I have it.”

Y/n nodded. “Thanks.” She smiled before he hopped off the desk and made her way out of the office. “See you later!”

********************

A whole year passed when y/n had asked Casey to move in with her, the whole squad now knew that the two women were dating, and they would be lying if they said they didn’t see it coming. They became closer than ever, and their love only grew stronger, making every day easier to go by. Y/n had already mentioned Casey to her parents, knowing that even if they didn’t have Alex anymore, they could be happy with the thought that their little girl was happy with someone by her side, a surprise visit happened and that’s when Casey met y/n’s parents. Everything went smoothly, her parents loved Casey and were happy for y/n. But then her mother passed away, and Casey stood by her side every step of the way. Casey knew how hard it was for y/n to not have Alex by her side, so she tried her best to be there whenever y/n needed her. What she didn’t expect after a few months, was the arrival of a case that brought her sister back from the dead.

The moment Alex came back, y/n told her everything that had happened after she joined SVU, and of course, she couldn’t leave out that her girlfriend was the one that was prosecuting the guy that shot her. Y/n sat with Casey and Alex through the whole thing, both supporting her girlfriend and supporting her sister, she knew Casey felt more pressure knowing that y/n cared so much about this case, not only for Antonio but for Alex too. Once the whole trial was over, y/n went to meet Alex, receiving a call that she had to go again for a while and she didn’t know for how long, so they met for a final coffee to say goodbye. Y/n went back to their apartment and closed the door behind her, taking off her coat and putting it on the rack, making her way to the living room and smiled as she found Casey on the couch.

“Hey there.” Casey smiled as she closed the file she had on her lap, putting it aside as she extended her arms for y/n.

Y/n sat on Casey’s lap and wrapped her arms around her middle, burying her face on Casey’s neck as she wrapped her arms around y/n. “Thought I’d find you asleep.”

“I wanted to wait for you.” Casey kissed her forehead softly, her hands going up and down her back.

Y/n sighed softly. “She’s gone, not sure for how long.”

“I’m sorry, baby. But it’s for her safety.”

Y/n nodded. “I know.”

“I got a call from my dad.” Casey whispered softly. “He wants me to visit this weekend for my mom’s birthday.”

“When are you leaving?” Y/n asked softly.

Casey nibbled her lip. “I was…thinking…we could in the afternoon on Friday.”

Y/n moved to look at Casey, fully sitting on her lap. “You...you want me to come with you?”

Casey smiled softly, softly stroking her hips. “I do. I’ve told them about you, and they really want to meet you.”

“Are you sure?”

Casey chuckled. “Baby, I was lucky enough to meet your mom, I already met your parents. I thought maybe it was time you meet mine.”

Y/n smiled softly as she placed her hands on Casey’s neck, leaning down to kiss her lips softly. “I’d love to.” She chuckled. “Alex said she’s happy I found someone. She thought I’d die alone.”

“I’m not gonna let that happen. You’re stuck with me.” Casey placed her hand on y/n’s neck bringing her down again for another kiss.

“Oh, I definitely like the sound of that.” Y/n said against her lips, kissing her again tenderly.

********************

The whole ride to Casey’s house, y/n had been a nervous wreck. She knew Casey wasn’t that close to her family, not after all she had gone through and then coming out to her parents had also been a bit of a problem but finally they came to terms with it, wanting nothing more than seeing her daughter happy. Y/n knew Casey was Catholic, she had grown in the religion, but she had decided to not follow it when she was older enough to choose for herself, which was also the reason she was not as close to her parents as she used to be. Casey reassured her the whole ride that her parents were excited to meet her and see who had her daughter so happy, Casey had told them enough about y/n, just a little heads up on who she was and how they met, which made y/n feel a bit better because at least there wouldn’t be like a million of questions; maybe just like a thousand.

Y/n took a deep breath as Casey parked right in front of the house. It was a casual family house, which she felt some sort of comfort as she looked at it, a faint smile on her face as she thought about a young Casey running around the house and practicing softball outside. She had seen some pictures of Casey when she was a kid, so now seeing the house she grew up in made her feel warm inside. She turned to look at Casey who had been staring at her this whole time, grabbing y/n’s hand, and bringing it to her lips, kissing it softly.

“Everything will be okay. I love you, and that’s all that matters.” Casey smiled softly.

Y/n nodded softly as she offered a small smile. “I love you too.” She sighed. “Sorry I just…this is the first time I actually meet the parents and I just…I want them to like me. I- I don’t know.” She chuckled nervously.

“If your parents accepted me, trust me…mine will.” Casey chuckled softly as she leaned in and kissed her cheek. “If you don’t feel comfortable, we’ll just leave, okay?”

“I don’t want you to lose your mom’s party tomorrow.”

“We’ll figure it out then. But I’m not leaving you.” Casey smiled as she kissed her hand one more time before she exited the car and went to the other side to open the door for y/n.

As they walked to the door, Casey grabbed y/n’s hand and held it tightly, feeling how y/n had started trembling a little as the moment started to feel more real with every step they took. Casey looked at y/n and leaned in to kiss her lips before she knocked on the door, telling her that it would be okay one last time before the door was opened. Y/n didn’t know what she had expected Casey’s parents to be like, but of course they were as tall as Casey, her dad being way taller, both had bright smiles on their faces as they looked at both women. She could see where Casey got that beautiful smile she loved, she looked exactly like her mom, her hair very similar, and she definitely had her dad’s eyes. The father was the first one to wrap his arms around Casey, squeezing her tightly, making y/n smile. And then she took a deep breath as she noticed Casey’s mother opening her arms to hug y/n.

“Oh, y/n! You’re just as beautiful as our girl described!” Her mother wrapped her in a big, tight hug, chuckling softly. “I’m Angela, but you can call me Angie.” She pulled away and smiled brightly, going for her daughter next.

“And I’m Tom. It is so nice to meet you, y/n.” He said with a smile and also wrapped his arms around her. “But please! C’mon in, we have the table ready! We figured you guys would be hungry after that drive, so get in here. I’ll take care of your bags!” He said as he walked out of the house and made his way to Casey’s car.

“Oh, honey, you look so good! Happiness really suits you.” Angie winked at Casey and walked inside the house.

Casey chuckled softly and looked at y/n, leaning over to whisper in her ear. “Forgot to tell you that they’re huggers.”

“Thanks for the heads up.” Y/n chuckled softly as she followed Casey.

The rest of the dinner went smoothly, most of the conversation had been about Casey’s childhood and college days, y/n enjoying every minute of it as she was hoping that they wouldn’t start asking about her. The only thing she had mentioned was why she decided to be a detective and if she enjoyed working with their daughter, and y/n was more than happy to answer those questions. Casey spent the whole dinner trying to hide her blush as she tried to stop their parents from talking more about her, but also enjoying so much the way y/n was just happy and laughing at everything they had to say, even if they were embarrassing stories, she was just happy that after all the nerves, her girlfriend was happy and relaxed. Tom had dragged Casey to the living room to show her something that he had recently purchased while y/n had offered to help Angie with the dishes and to clean the kitchen.

“You really didn’t have to help with the dishes, y/n. You’re a guest here.” Angie said as she looked at y/n.

“It’s the least I can do. Dinner was delicious and I wanted to say thank you.” Y/n smiled as she finished the last dish, and dried her hands before she looked back at Angie.

“Then use your words, honey.” Angie chuckled. “But I appreciate it. You’re very kind, y/n.” She smiled softly. “And I can definitely see why my daughter loves you so much.”

Y/n blushed slightly, trying not to look away. “I love her just as much, if not more.” She smiled.

“I’m excited for you to meet the whole family tomorrow! Let me tell you that the house will be crowded, my favorite.” She chuckled.

“I’m excited to meet them.” Y/n smiled.

“I was telling Tom that it would be nice to meet your parents soon, we could set up a dinner and we could go the 6 of us.”

Y/n cleared her throat as she looked down at her hands. “I uh…I’m sure my dad would be more than happy.” She looked back at Angie as she offered a small smile. “My…mom. She passed away a little while ago.”

“Oh, honey. I am so sorry, I didn’t know.” Angie placed her hand on y/n’s shoulder. “I’m sure she was a lovely woman.”

“The best.” Y/n smiled softly. “She loved Casey, she got to meet her.”

Angie smiled. “I’d have loved to meet her.”

“Angie, let these ladies go up to their room so they get some rest, we have a big day tomorrow and the need their beauty sleep. Even if they’re already beautiful.” Tom chuckled softly.

Y/n looked back at Casey and smiled softly, but Casey knew there was something going on. They said their goodnights and headed upstairs. Casey opened the door to what used to be her room and smiled as she noticed that they had barely changed it, most of her things were still there, medals and trophies, some diplomas, and pictures, all untouched. Y/n smiled as she looked around, fascinated to see more of Casey’s childhood.

“You’re living for this, aren’t you?” Casey playfully said as she closed the door behind her.

Y/n turned to look at y/n and smiled. “Can’t say I’m not.” She chuckled softly. “Your parents are so nice, and your house is beautiful. Your room…definitely fits you, even now.” She teased as she walked to Casey.

Casey chuckled softly, wrapping her arms around her waist, and kissing her lips softly. “You’re cute.”

“Of course I am.” Y/n chuckled as she wrapped her arms around Casey’s neck. “Thank you for bringing me with you.”

“How could I not? At least I won’t suffer on my own tomorrow.” Casey grinned.

Y/n rolled her eyes softly. “Right.”

Casey tilted her head softly. “Are you okay? I saw you a bit off with mom.”

Y/n smiled. “Your mom said she wanted to meet my parents.” She shrugged. “Had to break the news that my mom is gone.”

“Shit. Baby, I’m so sorry. I forgot to tell her and to not mention it.”

“Hey.” Y/n placed her hand on Casey’s cheek and stroked it softly. “It’s okay. I promise.” She smiled softly. “C’mon, we should go to sleep, we need to prepare for tomorrow’s big party.” She chuckled.

Casey nodded as she smiled. “You’re starting to sound like my parents.” She laughed as she pulled y/n to the bed.

********************

After breakfast, both women went back to their room to get ready for the party and not even an hour later, the whole house was crowded with both friends and family members. Casey and y/n took a moment for themselves and then went downstairs, ready to be bombarded with questions and hugs. Just like Angie had said, the whole house was crowded, they were all over Casey since they hadn’t seen her in so long, and Casey never let go of y/n’s hand unless she was saying hi to someone or someone hugged her -the also hugged y/n-. The party was going great, they had all gone to the back of the house into the beautiful patio, there was music, snacks, they were preparing a barbeque, things seemed to go perfectly fine. Casey made sure to always have y/n by her side, knowing that her girlfriend had anxiety and sometimes she got a bit overwhelmed by big crowds. Just as they thought they were finally free to get away from the family, another family member appeared right in front of them.

“Casey, it’s been so long.” She smiled.

Casey nodded. “Aunt Claire, nice to see you. “She offered a small smile. “This is my girlfriend, y/n.”

Y/n smiled and extended her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Claire furrowed her brows and tilted her head. “You…look familiar. Have we met before?”

Y/n furrowed her brows as she smiled. “Um…I don’t think so.”

“Do you work with Casey?”

Casey looked at her with a serious look on her face. “Yes, she does work with me.”

“Ah, another attorney, huh? She follows in your steps too, Casey? Not wanting to do anything for your uncle?”

“Claire, are you seriously going to do this today? On my birthday?” Angie raised her brow as she walked to them, crossing her arms.

“Oh, c’mon, Ang. I asked your daughter a favor and she couldn’t help me. She doesn’t help her so called family.”

“Claire, please stop.” Angie snapped as she looked at her. “Please, let’s not do this here. And no, y/n is a detective, she works with Casey. Do not scare her away with your things, Claire. You’re my sister and I love you, but please-“

“Wait.” Claire looked back at y/n. “I know where I’ve seen you. You’re not an attorney, but your sister was.” She laughed darkly. “Your whole family. One of your uncles. You’re a Cabot.”

Y/n’s heart stopped as she looked at Casey, a little confused as to what was happening. “I…yes. But-“

“Casey?” Angie asked as she looked between Casey and y/n. “She’s a Cabot?”

Casey sighed as she nodded. “She is.”

Y/n looked at Casey furrowing her brows. “What does that have to do with me? Is there a problem that I’m a Cabot?”

“Your uncle…that stupid attorney. He put my husband in jail, and he had no mercy on him, now he’s locked up for good and he won’t ever get out! He made sure of that.” Claire snapped and then look at Casey. “And you. You should be ashamed. Not only for dating a girl, but for letting a Cabot come to this house. How dare you, Casey? You didn’t want to help your uncle, and now you bring her here?!”

“Stop! It wasn’t her who did it. And if he’s in jail, is for a good reason.” Casey snapped back as she looked at Claire, her hand grabbing y/n’s tightly.

“Casey Grace Novak! You do not speak to your aunt like that!” Angie looked at Casey and stood between Claire and Casey. “You know damn well that we support your aunt, and we always said the Cabot’s were not good people.”

“Mom.” Casey whispered softly.

Angie looked behind Casey with a serious look. “I’m sorry, y/n. But you’re not welcomed here.”

“Mom!” Casey shook her head. “I cannot believe you’re saying that.”

“You knew that we do not like the Cabot’s. You knew she was a Cabot and still chose to bring her here. You should know better, Casey. You should’ve never fallen in love with this girl.”

“That’s enough! I will not let you speak to my girlfriend like that. You know damn well why he’s in jail and you still protect him. And you know what? Yes, she’s a Cabot, and I love her, and I’m not gonna let any of you speak like that in front of her. I made a mistake in coming back.” Casey looked back at y/n and whispered in her ear. “Let’s go, baby.”

Casey pulled her inside the house and took her upstairs to grab their things. Y/n only stood there frozen as Casey put everything in their bags without saying a word, once she checked that she had everything, she grabbed both bags and told y/n to follow her. Casey could still hear Claire yelling horrible things about y/n and her family, she didn’t even care about closing the door as they rushed to Casey’s car. 15 minutes into the road, Casey finally snapped out of her trance and looked at y/n, noticing that she was just as quiet as she was, but she could see some tears in her eyes. Casey sighed softly and decided to stop the car in a gas station, killing the engine and turning to look at y/n.

“Baby?” Casey whispered softly.

“Why didn’t you tell me about that?” Y/n whispered softly.

Casey sighed. “I didn’t think it was important. Claire, she- she hadn’t been to any family event in so long, I didn’t know my mom still talked to her. I really thought they had left that behind and-“

“But you knew…that your family didn’t approve of mine.” Y/n looked at Casey, tears rolling down her cheeks. “You never told them I was a Cabot.”

Casey looked down at her hands and shook her head. “No.”

Y/n nodded as she looked away. “Can we just go? I wanna go home.” Her voice broke as she said the last word, turning from Casey and crossing her arms. Casey stared at her for a moment but nodded softly.

The ride back they were in complete silence. Casey knew what she had done was wrong, but she had never agreed with her family, she had denied to help because she knew what her ‘uncle’ had done and she had decided to back away from it, and yes, she knew how her family had blamed the Cabot’s, but she never thought she’d be involved with them. Not only had she taken Alex’s job, but now she was dating a Cabot. She was sure that if they knew that she had helped Alex, they would have lost it. As for y/n, the interaction they had had the night before was still stuck in her mind which broke her heart entirely as she figured that it all had been a lie because they didn’t really know who she was, and now that they knew, they didn’t like her, Casey’s mother has clearly said that she was not welcomed. And once again, she hated the fact that she was a Cabot. She loved her family, she loved her parents, but she hated that things like this still happened till this day.

Once they were back in their apartment, y/n helped Casey with their bags and rapidly went into their apartment and into their room, both women still in complete silence. Y/n changed into comfortable clothes and then laid in their bed, crying as she felt overwhelmed by what had happened. She heard Casey walking into the room and figured she too wanted to change, so she didn’t say anything, it was their room after all. Y/n didn’t know when she had fallen asleep, but as she opened her eyes, she figured the sun had hidden and night had taken over, making her look at her clock in the nightstand and saw it was pass seven. She sighed softly and stretched before she got up and walked out of the room. She headed to the kitchen and to her surprise, Casey was sitting at the kitchen island with some files in front of her and writing something in her notepad. She looked up as y/n stood in the entrance of the kitchen, both women look into each other’s eyes. Casey put her pen down and cleared her throat, ready to talk but y/n interrupted her.

“I’m sorry.” Y/n said rapidly, nibbling on her lip. “I…I shouldn’t…we should’ve talked, and I…I completely just…shut you down.”

Casey shook her head. “Y/n…I should’ve told you. I should’ve known. I just thought if they met you…they’d change their mind, and they wouldn’t say anything.” She sighed. “You’re everything to me. I do not regret meeting you, I do not regret falling in love with you, I do not regret being with you.”

Y/n looked at Casey as tears rolled down her cheeks. “You mean that?”

Casey tilted her head as her heart sank. “My love…come here.” She moved and extended her arms, y/n walked to her and wrapped her arms around her neck, Casey wrapping her arms tightly around her waist. “I love you. And I don’t care what they think or say. I want you, and no one is ever going to change that, you hear me?”

Y/n nodded softly as she buried her face in Casey’s neck. “I love you too. I don’t wanna lose you, Case.”

“I don’t wanna lose you either.” Casey kissed the side of her head and sighed softly. “Please, just…let’s not make this separate us.”

Y/n pulled away and placed her hands on Casey’s cheeks. “Nothing could ever make me stop loving you, Casey.”

Casey smiled softly as she leaned in and kissed y/n’s lips softly.

********************

“No, mom. I need you to please stop calling me.” Casey groaned as she ran her fingers through her hair, clearly stressed. “If you’re going to keep talking about y/n like that, yes. I will literally block you, I do not care!” Casey slammed the phone and sighed heavily.

“Bad moment?” Elliot asked as he looked at Casey.

Casey looked up and shook her head. “No, sorry. I’m- done. What do you need?” Casey sat back down in her chair and looked at Elliot.

Elliot nodded. “Wanna talk about it?”

Casey raised her brow as she huffed a chuckle. “You’re gonna play shrink?”

Elliot huffed a laugh and shrugged. “Can’t say I’m the best at it, but I know I have run to some after a bad day or moment.” He said as he walked to Casey, sitting down on a chair.

Casey sighed and shook her head. “Just family stuff.”

“Something wrong with y/n? I heard you mention her.”

“Let’s just say my family has history with the Cabot’s, and…when they found out she was a Cabot…they almost killed me.” Casey nibbled on her lower lip as she looked down at her hands.

Elliot nodded. “I get it.” He cleared his throat and shrugged. “And? What are you gonna do?”

“Put a restraining order on my family.” Casey scoffed. “They keep calling me, and I have no doubt my mom will make an appearance sooner or later.”

“You love y/n. That’s all that matters. Family? It’s not always the ones you share blood with.”

Casey nodded. “I know. I just…thought that maybe we could finally reconnect, and I was sure they’d love y/n. But…” she shrugged. “Didn’t happen.”

“You know you have us. And you have y/n, who wouldn’t leave your side. Whatever your family thinks, screw them. Even if y/n is a Cabot, which doesn’t define her.”

Casey smiled softly as she looked at Elliot. “You’re spending too much time with Huang.”

Elliot laughed. “Did it help?”

“A bit.” Casey smiled. “Thanks.”

Elliot nodded. “Good.” He stood up. “We need you down at the precinct.”

“You could’ve called.” Casey furrowed her brows.

Elliot shrugged. “You were on my way. I decided to stop by.”

Casey grinned as she shook her head, taking a deep breath and standing up. “Let’s go then.”

********************

Y/n paced around the waiting room, tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried to breath. She kept hearing Olivia telling her to sit down but she knew if she sat down, she was going to break down and she couldn’t do that. Not when her girlfriend was literally in surgery. Y/n had decided to go home to take a break from the case, and Olivia had offered to stay in the office to work with Casey and go over the case, what she had not expected was for Casey to get attacked, and now here they were, in the hospital. Y/n overthought every possible scenario that could’ve prevented this, but even if she did, there was nothing else she could do. Things had been pretty tense since that day back with Casey’s family, and this was the last straw they needed. Y/n felt a pair of hands on her shoulders and was about to tell Olivia that she didn’t need to sit down but as she turned, she found Alex standing right in front of her.

“Lex.” Y/n breathed out as she wrapped her arms around Alex. “You’re here.” She whispered softly as she sobbed.

“I’m here.” Alex whispered softly as she kissed her forehead.

“I should’ve stayed with Casey.” Y/n cried out, closing her eyes as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

“There was nothing you could do, y/n. Don’t torment yourself.” Alex pulled away enough to look down at y/n. “Elliot is taking care of it, okay?”

Y/n nodded softly, wrapping her arms around Alex. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“You needed me.” Alex whispered softly as she kissed her forehead again.

Alex had finally made y/n sit down beside her, her arm wrapped around her as y/n leaned into her, tears still rolling down her cheeks but at least she was a little more calm than earlier. They sat there in silence for a moment, just waiting to hear back from Casey. Y/n’s mind was filled with the ‘what ifs’, she hated that she hadn’t been there to help Casey, to avoid this from happening. Olivia had found her unconscious, and she hadn’t woken up at all, so what were the odds of her actually waking up now? Alex kept trying to get her to talk about something, anything at all, but y/n just answered shortly, not feeling like talking, but knowing perfectly what Alex was doing.

“Casey’s family hates me.” Y/n whispered softly.

“You meet parents for the first time, and this is how it goes?” Alex asks playfully.

“I think Uncle John convicted Casey’s uncle. They hate the Cabot’s.”

Alex sighed as she looked down at y/n. “Casey never told you?”

Y/n shook her head. “She never supported her family with this, so stayed away from it, so the effect didn’t get to her. And that’s why she didn’t mind dating me.”

“And I’m sure she doesn’t regret it.” Alex smiled softly.

Y/n looked up at Alex and smiled softly. “She doesn’t.”

“Then I don’t think Casey really cares what her family has to say. You’re an amazing person, y/n. And if Casey loves you, then that’s all that matters.” Alex smiled as she ran her hand through y/n’s hair. “Us Cabot’s…well…there won’t be a time where we are not recognized for something. And you’re now leaving your mark too.” She kissed her forehead softly. “I’m sorry you’re a Cabot.” She chuckled.

Y/n sighed softly as she rested her head against Alex’s shoulder again. “I’m not. I just…wish we were more than a Cabot.”

“We are. You are.” Alex smiled softly. “So…I take it that when you and Casey get married, you’ll take Casey’s last name?” She grinned.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully as she looked back at Alex. “You’re getting ahead of yourself.”

“Oh, c’mon. You’re telling me you haven’t thought about it?” Alex raised her brow.

“I mean…” y/n shrugged as she blushed slightly. “I guess.”

“Y/n Novak…sounds good to me. I’m sure Casey also loves the idea.” Alex smiled.

“You’re a pain in the ass.” Y/n chuckled.

“You missed me.” Alex chuckled as she pulled her back into her arms.

After an hour or so, Alex had convinced y/n to have some lunch with her at least in the cafeteria of the hospital, and Olivia promised she wouldn’t move at all until they were back. And a bit after, Olivia had been notified that Casey was out of surgery and in her room, Olivia had called Alex to let her know and she stayed with Casey until y/n came back. Y/n mentally prepared herself before she walked into the room, afraid of what she could see. Olivia had been the only one to see the state of Casey before she went into surgery, and just the thought of seeing Casey hurt, broke y/n’s heart. Some tears left y/n’s eyes as she walked into the room, a soft small smile on Casey’s face as she saw her girlfriend, extending her hand for her to get closer. After making sure that everything was okay, Olivia left with Alex to meet Elliot, and y/n stayed with Casey.

Y/n put the tray of food away and went back to sit with Casey on the bed, holding her hand and kissing it softly. “Do you want to get some more sleep?”

Casey shook her head. “No. I just…I mean maybe I should.” She sighed.

Y/n tilted her head. “Your memory will come back, Case. You need to stop pushing yourself.”

“I know but…I couldn’t even defend myself.” Casey’s voice broke as she looked at y/n.

“Baby…you did what you had to do. You’re here. That’s all that matters. They’ll get whoever did this.”

Casey nodded softly. “Are they gonna let you stay?”

“Even if they didn’t, I’m staying.” Y/n chuckled softly. “Hey uh…I left a text to your mom.” She looked down at their hands.

“What?” Casey furrowed her brows. “Y/n-“

“They’re your family, Case. Even if they don’t accept me, they should know about their daughter.” Y/n looked back at Casey, offering a small smile. “I’m not going anywhere, no matter what.”

Casey nodded softly. “Thank you.” She smiled softly.

Y/n smiled as she leaned in and kissed Casey’s head softly. “I love you, and you’re stuck with me, forever.” She chuckled.

“Forever sounds good.” Casey grinned.

********************

“Y/n, c’mon. I can walk, I literally went to the office yesterday and to court.” Casey groaned as y/n helped her sit down on the couch.

“Which you shouldn’t have. You know the heart attack you gave me when Elliot told me he saw you in court?” Y/n shook her head. “You should’ve called me, Case.”

“I knew you’d bring me back.” Casey looked at y/n with puppy eyes.

Y/n rolled her eyes as she sat beside Casey. “You’re impossible.” She leaned in and kissed her lips. “At least now I have 5 days free to be a pain in your ass and take care of you.” She grinned. “And you’re not escaping from this.”

“At least it’s us for 5 days.” Casey grinned. “I’m sorry.”

“No worries, just don’t be stubborn.” Y/n smiled as she pecked her lips. Just in time, there was a knock on their door. “That’s probably Alex. She said she’d come before she had to leave.” Y/n stood up and walked out of the living room. As she opened the door, her heart stopped for a moment, staring at the person in front of her.

“It’s not Alex?” Casey yelled from the living room.

“No.” Y/n cleared her throat. “Mrs. Novak.”

“Y/n.” Angie sighed. “I’m sorry I came like this, I…I was hoping I could see my daughter.”

Y/n nodded softly as she stepped aside. She closed the door behind her and started walking to the living room followed by Angie. “It’s your mom, Case.” She whispered softly as she looked at Casey.

“Mom?” Casey furrowed her brows. “What- why are you here?”

Angie sighed as she looked at Casey. “Oh, honey. I wanted to make sure you were okay.” She went to sit down beside Casey.

“I’m alright.” Casey nodded. “Y/n has been taking care of me.”

Y/n sighed softly. “I should leave you two to talk. I’ll be in the room if you need something.” She smiled softly. But before she could leave, Angie stood up and grabbed her hand and stopped her.

“Wait, y/n. I- I also wanted to talk to you. To both of you.” Angie looked back at Casey and then at y/n. “I’m not only here to see Casey. I’m here to apologize.” Y/n furrowed her brows as she looked at Casey and then back at Angie. “I know…that you should not forgive me, what I said was wrong. But…your father and I talked, we’ve never seen you so happy, Casey.” Angie looked back at Casey and smiled. “The way you spoke about y/n, the way you protected her. The looks you give each other. I shouldn’t have said anything. Claire was so wrong to do that, and we shouldn't have believed her.”

Casey smiled softly. “You mean it?”

Angie smiled as she looked at Casey and nodded. “Yes.” She looked back at y/n and smiled, holding her other hand. “I am so sorry, y/n. It wasn’t your fault what happened in the past, and I know that you love my daughter, and my daughter loves you. I am willing to get to know you better.” She took a deep breath. “To accept you as my daughter too.”

Y/n’s face softened at her words, some tears forming in her eyes. “I’d like that.” She smiled.

“Even if we treated you badly…you were still willing to update me on Casey. And you let me come in here to see her.”

Casey furrowed her brows. “You…gave her our address?”

Y/n looked back at Casey as she shrugged. “I told you, you’re still their daughter. I just didn’t expect her to come.” She chuckled softly.

Angie chuckled. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.”

“You’re always welcome here. Mr. Novak too. Right, Case?” Y/n smiled.

Casey looked at them and nodded softly, smiling. “Of course.”

Angie smiled as she wrapped her arms around y/n. “Thank you for giving me another chance.”

“Of course.” Y/n smiled as they pulled away.

“Well, I don’t wanna make a doctor visit, so I thought I could make some lunch for you, if you let me.” Angie looked at Casey, walking to her and kissing her forehead.

Casey nodded. “I’m okay if y/n is okay with it.” She smiled.

“More than okay.” Y/n smiled softly.

Y/n showed Angie the kitchen and where everything was, offering her help but Angie told her to go back with Casey and she’d let them know when everything was done, looking into the fridge to see what she could do with the stuff inside. Y/n went back to the living room and smiled softly as she sat with Casey, wrapping her arm around her carefully and kissing the side of her head.

“I gotta admit that I thought she would come to kill me after I sent the address.” Y/n chuckled softly.

Casey smiled. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do this.”

Y/n grinned. “I had to give it another try. I thought that if it worked this time, then I had a better chance in a future.”

“What for?” Casey furrowed her brows as she grinned.

“To marry you.” Y/n smiled.

Casey’s face softened as she smiled, leaning in to kiss her lips. “I like the sound of that, a lot.” She said against her lips, chuckling softly as she kissed her again. “Y/n Novak…maybe?” She grinned. “Sounds perfect.”

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully. “Alex said you’d love the sound of that.”

Casey smiled. “Of course I do. But most importantly, the thought of you being my wife.” She pecked her lips softly.

“I love it.” Y/n chuckled softly as she pulled Casey for another kiss.

#casey novak x reader #casey novak #svu fic #law and order svu #svu

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kiwiana-writes · 9 months ago

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks @cha-melodius and @stereopticons for the tags! I know I’ve done this in the past, but it’s been a hot minute…

How many works do you have on ao3?

239!

What's your total ao3 word count?

822,937—but that’s a collaboration-boosted lie. Per my writing tracker, words that I have personally written and published on AO3 is 693,613

What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly RWRB these days, but the majority of my back catalogue is Schitt’s Creek, with a few others sprinkled in for fun. The Pairing definitely made my brain whirr… we’ll see.

Top five fics by kudos:

With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest), RWRB, 65.5k, the Much Ado About Nothing stage actor AU

Kinda think that I might be his type, RWRB, 12.8k, Alex and Bea fake date and Alex gets a little distracted by Bea’s brother

We were supposed to find this, RWRB, 3.3k, soulmate AU

We always walked a very thin line, Happiest Season, 2.7k, Riley character study/alternate ending

All the Lonely Starbucks Lovers, RWRB, 5.8k, barista Henry repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth in front of his coworker crush

(This is how I learned Puck It has been knocked out of my top five 😭)

Do you respond to comments?

Yes! And absent a Schitt’s Creek resurgence of some kind that sees me absolutely inundated I don’t see that changing.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Five ways it could have ended (and one way it still could), Schitt’s Creek, 1.2k, for the love of god read the tags

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Like… most of them? I love to end on a good HEA haha. For sheer joy, though, it’s probably With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest)

Do you get hate on fics?

From time to time. I’m very free with the delete button. Weirdly, it occasionally pops up in the AO3 comments but mostly seems to come to me via anons on tumblr??? I have no idea why.

Do you write smut?

It’s been known to happen, I guess 👀

Craziest crossover:

I haven’t written any AO3-era crossovers! A few fusions/media AUs, but no crossovers.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. I’ve only been asked once, and they wanted to post off AO3 which is a big heck nope for me (and my permissions statement has now been updated to reflect that)

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Heck yeah I have. I’ve done several anthology-type collaborations where we each wrote a chapter in a fic, and I’ve fully cowritten fics with @ships-to-sail several times. We have another collab coming up for @aroyallybigbangrwrb and I’m also cowriting The Big Secret AU with @indestructibleheart which is essentially us one-upping each other on emotionally devastating ideas until someone writes them down. Good system 😂

All time favorite ship?

Stop making pansexuals choose things.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Look, the chances of kinktober 2021 being finished at this point are slim 😂

Schitt’s Creek kinkverse… I don’t know. I have little snippets written of future fics and they’re great but… idk. Maybe I’ll write one vignette-y wrap up fic one day.

What are your writing strengths?

Narrative POV, dialogue that feels like the characters, epistolary bullshit, smut apparently.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Coming up with actual plot lmao. Visual descriptors — I’m not even remotely a visual person so I really really struggle with writing the sorts of things people can visualise. Also like… the passage of time? A scam.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Love it. I’ll shoulder tap a fluent speaker if I need an actual sentence/anything Google isn’t super reliable for. Forever heartbroken that there are no fics in my second language in AO3 and no reason for me to be able to sprinkle it into my own writing (though one of the subscriber shindig prompts might be about to change that 👀)

First fandom you wrote in?

Favorite fic you've written?

Stop! Asking! Pansexuals! To! Choose! Things!

I don’t know there are 239 of the bloody things 😂 I’m far more interested in what other people’s favourites are than what my own is!

I have no sense of who’s done this already so apologies if this is a double up but tagging @agame-writes @affectionatelyrs @anincompletelist @cricketnationrise @getmehighonmagic

@happiness-of-the-pursuit @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @indestructibleheart @inexplicablymine @nontoxic-writes

@read-and-write- @rmd-writes @sparklepocalypse @welcometololaland @whimsymanaged and, as always, anyone who wants to play!

#20 questions for fic writers #kiwiana-writes

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cheriecelestial · 10 months ago

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Luminary Pt.II

pairing *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Yan Emperor!OC X Swordmaster!OC

disclaimer *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ yandere thoughts. hurt/ no comfort. angst. mentions of violence and character death. lovers to enemies.

a/n *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Please listen to Joel Sunny’s Luminary for the whole experience. COMMENT LIKE & REBLOG ✿.*･｡ﾟ (ㅅ´ ˘ `) Pt.1

“Atticus was kind,” Atticus' ears perked up at his mention, his brows knitted in confusion as to why she was referring to him as if she was talking about someone else ? “You said your magic erases insignificant feelings. You were always so full of kindness, what happened?” Her words struck the platinum haired man like lightning. But what she saw in him was just him mirroring her light like the moon does with the sun and nothing else.

“To you my darling. I was kind because you deserved it. I cared because you did, always. You broke me out of my mould, out of all the rules and conceptions I had about my life. And I loved you for it. But before I knew it i started doing everything by your book. Everything for you. To win you, for validation, for love. So much so that I lost sight of my goal.” His words died by the end of his sentence, if they were talking truth now — he might as well splay his feelings out in front of her.

“I was just trying to save you. I-I-”Cecily barely stuttered out. He felt Cecily's hand on his shoulder dig in. Her bottom lip quivered and her body trembled to the point that she swayed slightly on her feet. If he could feel any guilt or remorse he was sure that the look on her face would've devastated Atticus more than anything he had experienced before but all he felt was a strange tightness in his chest.

Calming herself, she took a deep breath and spoke in a low tone,“ Is that what I was to you ? A distraction from your goal ? I tried Atticus. I tried so hard to save you from yourself.” He telt a part of his shoulder burn where she rested her hand.

“Distraction ? No my love. I know you tried to save me and for a moment there - I swore you did . But leaving behind all I had ever known was a risk I was never willing to take, because what will become of me when I abandon the laws that have shaped me ? You gave me life but my vengeance gave me purpose.” Atticus knew he wasn’t a good man from the very start. That something was fundamentally flawed about his existence. An inadequacy, one he’d never overcome. And somewhere deep within, he was jealous. Jealous of Cecily for being so perfect . She always so full of vitality. Like a star, even when she held his face in her hands — she always somehow felt so far away, somehow felt so unattainable. The problem with being born in hell and then being getting a taste of heaven was - that no matter how hard you tried you could never overcome that nagging feeling in the back of your head that told you that you didn’t belong. There was one sole lesson he learnt from all of this was he had too many demons to love an angel. So if he couldn’t belong in the heaven, he would drag his haloed darling to the hell.

“The reason I came here was to see if there was a modicum of redeemable humanity left in you. If there was any part of my Atticus left. Marcel was right, you have changed beyond recognition. I no longer recognise the person I’m looking at.” Her tone grew distant by the second. It was the same tone people talked about the deceased at funerals. Mourning him as if he had died, like he wasn’t still alive and breathing in front of her. She almost thought it would be easier if he had died. At least she’d feel some sort of closure, knowing he’s not coming back. But this, this was a nothing but pure torture for her.

But then he wasn’t gone, if anything he was doing better than he ever was. Leaving her behind to pick up the shattered pieces of what they once had. Yet somehow, she couldn’t hate him for that - not really anyways. No amount of anger would mend the torn pieces of her broken heart. She was left in emotional turmoil, love mixing with hate mixing with rage, betrayal and depression. No matter how many times the word hate flashed through her mind, it was never truly directed at Atticus. Rather the world, the things they had forced upon him, the pressure he had been made to feel.

Shakily, Cecily raised her palm to caress his hair. Atticus almost flinched at how warm her war calloused hand felt against his face. He nuzzled his face closer to her palm as his emotions as a cacophony of fear, desire, hate, and desolation, all battling one another for control. Her touch was a fire he would willingly walk into.

Cecily cupped Atticus’ face and tilted her chin up to him, parting her lips ever so slightly. Atticus’s brain went into overdrive at her invitation. She resembled a siren, calling out to him with her sweet song and in the back of his head he knew there would be consequences to this. But the moment her lips touched his he stopped breathing. His mind went blank. Every feeling, thought, and emotion that he has ever felt floods through him in a torrent. He could barely comprehend the feeling of her lips on his own. His hands wrapped themselves around her back and tighten as the rush of emotions overwhelms him. At the same time, he was aware of how much he hated this. She was ruining him and she had no idea how much her touch was destroying everything he spent so much time meticulously building.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you.” Cecily’s emerald green eyes looked hollow yet somehow reverential when she pulled away. Atticus wanted to grab her shoulders, shake her violently and yell that he was still here so why did she look at him with such melancholy.

“I don’t need saving Cecilia. Join me my darling. Be my queen and I swear we could restore this empire to all its deserved glory.”He gripped her hand resting against his cheek and pleaded. He didn’t care if he sounded desperate or pathetic, he just needed her to say yes.

Cecily shook her head slowly and said,“ As appealing as it sounds, you and I both know you don’t plan on making me anything apart from your canary in a gilded cage because I will never approve of you methods and neither will I aid you in them.” Atticus sighed in defeat. He bit the inside of his cheek till he tasted blood. If she wasn’t going to give in voluntarily, he just had to make her.

“You know you can’t win against me. Even if you persevere and defeat my armies. You can’t kill me. Dark magic makes me impervious to all weaponry and magic. No one in history has ever been able to accomplish it. What makes you think you will be able to do it ?” Atticus challenged her knowing that even with all her strength, there was no way in hell she could win. She wouldn’t fight for so long if she knew she didn’t stand a chance, an ominous voice warned him .

“None but one”

He knew who she was referring to. The legend Seraphina Andrea Reginald and her aura sword — the Caelum Lux. The founder of the continent. She was this golden figure who was the beacon of morality, freedom and justice. An allegory and dubbed to be reincarnation of the goddess of light Lumine. But that was the end of it- a legend, another one of story tellers’ dramatic gimmicks to make little children believe in virtue. Even though Cecily belonged to her bloodline, calling upon such power was next to impossible.

“It’s a children’s story my darling. The Caelum Lux isn’t a real sword and you know it.”

Cecily lightly shrugged in response as a silent ‘yes well’. The orchestra began their final piece and a familiar melody swirled around them. It was the song Atticus often played for them at late hours when they’d sneak into the music room at the music room back when they were in the academy. What were the odds that they would play this very song as their final piece ?

“It’s the last waltz your majesty. Dance with me. Just like the old times.”

Wordlessly, Atticus pulled her closer. Her cheek was resting on his chest and his other hand almost holding her in a half hug. This wasn’t the standard waltz position, but it was something so comfortingly intimate to them. She was good to him but not to his cause. To Atticus Asterin – Cecily Reginald is an obstacle, but to Atty - Ces is an anchor. His heart felt at peace but his instincts were blaring sirens as if she was his greatest enemy and who knows maybe she was. Push her away and leave, the voice told him as a sign of fatal danger. He gripped her closer as if retaliating to the instinct. Atticus wasn’t going to let anyone take Cecily away from him, not even himself.

“The Caelum Lux isn’t a sword, it’s a bloodline.”Cecily stated calmly as if it wasn’t the most groundbreaking piece of information Atticus had heard. “You remember my father, the late duke, had all my distant relatives covertly killed a few years ago ?”

“Yes, I do remember. It was perhaps the only occasion you mustered the courage to confront him,” he countered. Instead of retaliating in her usual fury, Cecily merely smiled and continued, “Its aura can be invoked by the last descendant after absorbing the light energy of their deceased kin. Seraphina Reginald wasn’t a swordmaster — she was a mage. The most formidable one to ever exist.” Atticus’ blood ran cold. He remembered the duke and his cold eyes. They were the same colour as Cecily’s but they always held nothing but disgust and disdain, looking at him as if he were nothing but an insect. The only time a different expression crossed the duke’s face was as he lay dying. Atticus pressed the sword to his heart and the duke just smiled back at him. The same smile Cecily was wearing. The same smile a hunter wore when they caught their prey.

After gaining his power, Atticus believed he could shed his fear. He swore to himself that he would never go back to being that helpless weak boy who was even scared of his own shadow. He wasn’t supposed to feel this anymore.

Push her away. She’s dangerous.

Push her away.

“I see.” He felt as though he was stepping forward over this ravine with a snapping tightrope, but she was on the other side with a lamp and a knife, daring him to cross it. But it didn’t matter because she wouldn’t catch him — not anymore. He had emerged victorious, then why did he feel like he was exactly where the duke wanted him to be ?

Atticus looked down to her face pressed against his chest. It was a pleasant. Despite having this beautiful perspective emphasised, Atticus found his head reeling and his breath shallowing. His heart hammering in his chest unstably, feeling somewhat claustrophobic. She can’t defeat me, that’s what the platinum haired man kept telling himself. He was caught in a tailspin, a tailspin that was only leading him one place. He couldn’t let that happen. But she kept haunting his thoughts, along with the other ghosts holed up in his head. Did ruination and salvation always look this identical ?

You can’t put Atticus upon yourself to save — he made the choices he made, you can’t change them. You can’t save a person who doesn’t want to be saved. She told herself sternly. She must done what she had to, what she came here to do. Cecily took a deep breath and steeled her resolve. She didn’t know if she was telling the truth when she said she didn’t recognise him. Everything about him, every minuscule detail about him, had been exactly as she had remembered. He still had the same sweet and playful look in his eyes. He still had the same charming smile. He was still the same person she fell in love with all those years ago so it hurt. She cried, wailed, and tried to be strong as she thought about the moments shared with him and how cruel it was that this was where she ended up.

Their eyes lock, returning each other's gaze, scrutinising the abysmal of their souls that was built with a blended sentiment. She saw a bead of perspiration run down the side of his forehead and his breath getting more laboured by the second. She had to act fast.

For a fleeting moment, silence prevailed in between, the rhythm of their breathing stirring with the progression of the music around them. The music of the waltz filled the room with a gentle, flowing melody. It began with a simple rhythm, gradually building into a sweeping cadence. Footsteps and hands were in perfect time with the music, moving with precision and grace. It was a soothing, romantic piece. The tempo of the music shifted and changed, following the dynamics of the song and the movements of the dancers. Soon it reached a feverish crescendo indicating its dramatic ending .

Atticus wrapped her waist and lifted her in the air for a spin. When he set her down he noticed her eyes were closed. “Love ?” He asked but she didn’t respond. Growing unnerving due to the lack of response he reaped, he called out to her again. An ominous feeling crept up his spine as the voice in his head chided him, too late. When she opened her eyes, they glowed with unnatural amount of light almost as if the goddess Lumine herself had descended from the heavens. Wait, goddess ? Now it all started to make sense to him. Her coming here, the legend of Seraphina Reginald and the Caelum Lux.

Blinding light engulfed the ballroom leaving everyone stunned. And when the light faded, Atticus heard someone scream. He felt oddly disoriented and overwhelmed. What is going on ? He opened his mouth to speak but nothing except blood came out. His hand flew to his neck to feel the thick waterfall of blood dripping from the side of his neck. Before he could register what happened, his knees bucked as he stumbled. Is that my blood ? Am I dying ? His vision started to blur and he felt life slipping away like sand from his fingers. Unlike anything he had ever imagined, instead of fear he felt warmth.

In that moment, he saw the star decorations in the centre of the dome and all the incomplete dreams and promises of forever they made in their youth. His vision cleared for a second and he saw her. He saw everything he ever loved about her – her countenance bore an undeniable allure. Her spun hair, painstakingly brushed to perfection, flowed like silk threads, infused with small silver flowers, an extravagant touch. The jagged burn scar that ran down the side of her face, something that never deterred him from loving her all the same. Swathed in rich lace, her garments caressed her form with the grace of luxury, their hue an enchanting shade of white. This allure was further accentuated by her green eyes, glinting like shards of frozen emeralds, reflecting an unyielding mysterious depth — a landscape of evergreen forests like the ones they would often go hunting in. He stared at her till his vision was tainted by red.

As the world around him darkened, he was left with the haunting echoes of what once was, leaving him to wonder how it all came to this point. too many questions, too little answers. They said love healed, love nurtured, love saved many. Unfortunately for them, the poets were wrong after all, not even love was enough to save them. Her lips moved to say something he couldn’t quite catch, Atticus used the last bit of his strength to strain his ears to hear the last words she would say to him before he left this world .

“Rest now my love, may the gods receive you on the other side, pardoning that which may be absolved.”

#yandere #yandere oc #yancore #yanderecore #yandere x oc #yandere male #male yandere #tw: yandere #yandere imagines #oc x oc #songfic #lovers to enemies #hurt/no comfort #angst #historical fantasy #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n

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mysweetobsessions · 3 months ago

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Parting thoughts and analysis on The Penguin season finale

Spoilers ahead.

As I predicted, The Penguin ended with tragedy for Vic at the hand of Oz, literally, which was unexpected.

Also for Francis, ultimately due to Oz. The only relief I got was that she told him how she really felt cuz boy I feel the same. He is the devil.

And of course, tragedy for Sofia, although I was slightly relieved for a glimmer of hope for her at the end. I really hope Selina gets her the hell out of there!! I don’t know if that’ll happen or where this is going but I’m excited for the possibility of a better ending and a different storyline for Sofia. I truly don’t think she deserves what she went through and is going through, again for Gods sake!

Some other comments on what I interpreted:

- Those insults Oz threw at Sofia the last time he saw her… yeah, he was talking to himself. He’s the sicko. His actions towards everyone bring out visceral feelings ... That man can talk himself out of almost anything in the most infuriating ways. I’m putting it very lightly when I say I want him to suffer the worst of consequences.

- I actually felt like Sofia did get some sense of closure and release from burning her house down and from giving the empire of the Falcones and specifically her father’s away. It’s a shame she couldn’t completely let go. But Oz was her unfinished business and her desire for revenge (a VERY slow revenge -which frustrated me at times) was never satiated and led to her current fate. —Let this be a lesson in revenge for us all! (Forgive and let go… or kill your enemies quickly 😁).

- This deserves another bullet, because the fact that Sofia ends up back at Arhkam to me is the cruelest thing the writers could have pulled for her storyline, not to mention she is once again painted as a The Hangman in the media with a story that is not (entirely) true. It’s her absolute nightmare all over and my worst nightmare for her character whom I loved so much and sympathized with.

- Vic… 😢 my poor boy. I actually HATED what Oz turned him into before the end. And I just knew that Oz would be responsible for his death, just not like that! But Vic dug his own grave every time he helped Oz, and I hated it every time Vic corrupted himself for Oz. Devastating to watch the one person he had left and who he cared for like family betray him like that. I think the slowness of the death is also a symbol of Oz losing his last bit of humanity.

- Oh Francis. I don’t think the solution was to kill your 10 year old son years ago, but I honestly don’t know how someone could cope with something like what Oz did. Anyway, I think it was obvious that the tear at the end was out of sadness and not happiness. She probably wished she’d died and instead is stuck with a son she hates, unable to express herself, and listening to him pretend everything is fine, until she dies.

Come to think of it, every single person got the worst possible fate for their character. Absolutely tragic.

- Oz having Eve (the prostitute- that he has slept with many times) dressed as his mother and dancing with him, telling him she loves him.. (insert meme of that guy grimacing please cuz this emoji isn’t enough 😬). Oedipus Complex much?

- I think it’s interesting to also notice how Oz was willing to put his mother through physical pain rather than admit the truth (another kind of pain) because Oz is so good at lying that he’s convinced himself of the story he tells. He never actually admits to what he did to his brothers. He’s convinced himself that everything he’s done or does is for his mother and is therefore justified. Anything that contradicts this conflicts with the identity he has of himself and so is completely rejected even when he’s confronted (especially when he’s confronted).

- At last we see a sign of Batman(’s signal!)

Excited for what’s coming! But I’ve actually had enough of The Penguin for now.

#the penguin finale #the penguin spoilers #the penguin #the penguin hbo #oz cobb #francis cobb #sofia gigante #sofia falcone #victor aguilar #eve karlo #oswald cobblepot #oswald cobb #the penguin finale spoilers #the penguin 1.08 #the penguin 1x08

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jovrien · 5 months ago

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Yo yo so I went over my drafts and found a post I’ve written last April but idk why I didn’t post this.

⚠️⚠️⚠️ yapping alert! It’s all nonsense. I’m just posting this for my future self lol

••••••••••••••••••

Something bothers me and the Holy Spirit is pestering me to write this shit on tumblr for my peace of mind so here goes.. (Oh btw this post is nonsense and quite lengthy but I just wanna shit it outta my mind so I could finally let go of whatever this is. And oh I’m kinda drunk lol)

But first lemme confess something lol I have a crush on the guy on this photo. I took a screenshot of this pic last March 26, I stare at it every morning and damn I still feel the same to this day lol am I.. am I.. still okay? 🤭

Damn this bro is too fine I wanna look exactly like him on my next edition reincarnation 🙂‍↕️

Moving on..

So I’m just new to this whole Astrology shit and as a Capricorn Sun/Virgo Rising, I can say it’s pretty accurate how they described me as having a straight nose, good forehead, and a person who is neat freak lmaooo 😆 crazy 🤭 so yeah I never really gave a flying fuck about Astrology because I thought it was a bit ‘girly’ or something only girls do, but it all changed when last December 30, 2023, I saw a Tiktok about the Cardinal Signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn) finally ending their 16-year struggle since 2008. I mean, the last 16 years truly made me realize a lot of shit, and I lost A LOT. The last one taken away from me was my dog (Gisele Heart Particles Nougat Shamcey Chamyto Chimmy 2010-2023). So yeah, it was quite a relief knowing that the cycle is coming to an end and that the next 20 years is gonna be rosy for the Cardinal Signs. But there’s one more boss fight before Pluto finally leaves us Cardinal Signs for good as it’s going to retrograde back for a just a few months (September-November) and then GONE FOREVER.

Btw, astrologers are saying that the Fixed Signs are gonna go through shit in the next 20 years, but please don’t be afraid if you’re a Fixed Sign (especially if you’re a nice person).

So yeah, I found myself crotch-deep into astrology and found out that my ruling planet is Saturn 🪐 and that meant instant karma in both directions. And this is what bothers me because it means I have to be a good guy all the time! I mean, I’m actually a good guy because I’m kind to animals and the needy, and my secret Spotify Progressive House playlist is just 💯 👌🏼 sorry I digress lol

What bothers me is that they are saying that I shouldn’t do bad things because karma would bite me in the ass. And I have been losing sleep because of that. You see, I’m addicted to doing bad things (no, not the criminal bad things fyi. I’m a very lawful person). The things I do are too extreme that it causes panic in heaven 😝 jk

Okay while writing this post I found this comment on a Tiktok vid that made all my worries disappear

Bing Bong! Amazing how the Universe answers my questions right away. 😈 Now that I don’t have to worry about guilt (On so MANY occasions I made people do the unthinkable. I fucked my friend’s partner during a threesome) So yeah.. now that the fear of being karma’d is out of the way, lemme tell you (yeah you sleuthing relative who haunts my blog!) the best thing about being a Capricorn ruled by Saturn - we are divinely protected by Karma. It’s like having a Doberman on a night walk around the block.

I have thought of the times when people were mean and really really bad to me even if I only showed them kindness so Imma list the karma they got. (btw I’m gonna have to change some details about them so it isn’t too obvi who they are)

1. This person humiliated me in front of people (worst thing that was ever done to me), then two days later bammmm the most devastating thing happened to his wife and kids which left him in extreme pain and distress for a few months.

2. This woman hated me for no reason, talked shit about me, then a few days later she was diagnosed with cancer.

3. An evil person who did me super dirty was humiliated on a national level lmao imagine being in the news for the wrong things you did.

4. I was never bullied when I was a kid, but there was this classmate in grade school (24 years ago) who was so jealous of my Nokia 3210. She intentionally sat on my backpack, broke the screen, and even though I was fuming, I didn’t hit her ultra wide face with my hand. A few days later I heard from a classmate that she was going through shit at home because her mom found out that her dad was having an affair lmao 🤣 I stalked her IG just now and found out she’s battling with extreme obesity. Oh nooo karma is a cat purring on my lap cherryt 😝

I could go on writing (20 or more) about how people who did me wrong got bitten by karma but that would make me seem immature, childish and vindictive so imma just end this nonsense here. Ciao 🍻

#astrology #thoughts #2 am thoughts #yapping

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lacewise · 8 months ago

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There’s an existing but increasing trend of people moderating comment sections by leaving up actual bigotry but taking down critical thoughts (even if the criticism is building onto the discussion and not insulting it) and blunt discussion of deeper topics (even, again, when they’re directly relevant to the conversation being had). I don’t like it and what’s more I don’t like propaganda and bigotry being left up because the assumption is that readers will reject it. If you leave enough of it up, even if challenged, eventually people will only remember the bigotry and its justifications.

There’s a proper way to regard lies and half-truths: you say it’s not true, you repeat the lie in a context indicating it’s not true, and then you repeat that it’s a lie. Otherwise you can invoke the illusory truth effect. There is no way, that I know of, to use this process against throwaway comments and threads online if you’re not the original poster.

In some cases, the moderator doesn’t know enough to know the original comment is hate speech, even when it’s overt.

I had a run-in with a person commenting on a popular social media account, and the comment said that talking about your disability online is equivalent to scamming (yes, that’s what they said and yes, the person they were policing is disabled). I confronted them about it, as did several other people.

The comments calling a disabled person talking about their disability a grifter (yes, the word was used) stayed up. The replies condemning this were taken down.

Why? Because calling him a grifter was in line with the original content (which I otherwise have no problems with. Disabled people can be scammers too). The comments defending his humanity, however? Clouded the discussion bashing him. Added nuance where it wasn’t wanted.

What I’m saying is a lot of these “moderators” don’t have the skills, time, resources, credentials, or background to be monitoring discussions. And it’s really hurting community dialogue considering how ubiquitous these platforms are and how difficult it is to find other places online for these conversations.

Some of these comment sections are engaged in toxic positivity and either or thinking. Some in critical thinking bashing and anti-intellectualism (yes, really). Some of them are engaged in misinformation and some are pits of chaos and hate.

But nearly all of them have one thing in common: if you say something unpopular or controversial (so it can be completely factual, just less well-known) your contribution will be taken down, while comments literally calling people slurs will be left up. Leaving many conversations stuck in a surface-level loop.

This is a good way to cement false information but a bad way to encourage learning. It feels like respectability-politics lite. Pretty soon, bluntness (and here I mean informative, and not blunt for bluntness’s sake) will be regarded as bullying but trying to get the point across politely will be regarded as duplicity. I can already see it happening. I do not want to go back. We cannot go back.

People are engaging in potentially devastating long-term harm for short-term engagement. And I’d rather not find out what the cost will be.

#off topic #not fiber arts #meta #internet culture #internet comments #moderators

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harrygoeswest · 2 years ago

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Trigger Warnings: sexual content (yeeeaaahhhhhh!), sweary sweary language

Word count: 15,357

Chapters nine, ten & eleven

twelve

On Friday afternoon, the handsome but rather irritating ‘Darren’ was called to pick up his car. I’d done exceptionally well in avoiding having anything to do with it, too. Zara wasn’t even the one that serviced it - Dad did it for me, and called him straight afterwards. I hadn’t told him about Darren and his rather forward behaviour with me the other day - I’d rather him see it for himself. If Darren was anything like Frank, he wouldn’t peacock when another man was around.

It was a sticky kind of hot today. I was uncomfortable working and most interactions with people had irritated me, so I was doing my best to keep conversation to a minimal. I hated the humidity like this. Part of me wanted to close but I couldn’t afford to lose a day’s work like that - not after buying that unassuming puppy.

Bongo seemed to be struggling more than I was. I’d locked him in the office with two fans to make sure he didn’t overheat. Either me or Dad were also constantly topping up his water because he was drinking it so quickly. I didn’t really know what else to do. It was better than leaving him in the car.

I was eyeing up the hosepipe on the forecourt while I downed an entire bottle of water when Darren turned up. I didn’t realise who it was at first, mostly because it was so bright outside that I couldn’t see. I was squinting a lot.

He wasn’t wearing a suit today - instead a pair of bright Hawaiian board shorts, flip flops and a gaping vest. He might as well not have been wearing a vest. He looked ridiculous.

“It’s hot, innit?” He asked with a weirdly smug grin.

He was a fine one to talk. He wasn’t the one wearing overalls as well as a t-shirt.

I didn’t answer him, instead wandering inside to find his key and the invoice for him so I could get rid of him as quickly as possible. He lingered outside of the office while I did so, and I ignored the fact that I could feel him staring at me.

“Sweat looks good on you.” He commented as I handed him the invoice and the key.

I chose not to answer that. “You need to be careful with your clutch.”

Darren blinked and looked down at the form. “Is there something wrong with it?”

“Not yet. But it’s obvious you ride it more than you need to and if you continue to do so it’ll overheat and you’ll need to replace it.”

“Ride it”? He giggled.

I inhaled a subtle breath. “Coasting. Or sitting in traffic for too long without releasing it.”

“Are you flirting with me?”

“You’d know if I was flirting with you.” I said sharply. “I’m sure you’ll be right back down here in a panic when you start to smell burning, and I’d really like to try and avoid that. So ease up.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He smirked. “Devastated I didn’t get to see you all over my baby.”

My expression was flat. “I haven’t been near your baby.”

“Who has, then?”

“Floss,” Dad called from nearby, and when I looked over my shoulder he appeared from underneath an old Renault Clio, “¿donde esta el trinquete de ocho pulgadas?” Where is the 8-inch ratchet?

“En tu caja de herramientas donde la dejaste.” In your toolbox where you left it.

My dad looked around himself for his toolbox, and nodded to himself when he found what he was looking for. He then noticed who I was talking to and cocked his head. “¿Es ese el dueño de Lamborghini?” Is that the Lamborghini owner?

“Sí.”

“You need to be careful with your clutch, mate. That thing is only a few miles off overheating.”

I felt incredibly smug.

Darren lifted his head slightly. “Thanks. Glad someone picked up on it, I never would’ve known.”

“Do you drive it a lot?”

“Every day.”

“Makes sense. They’re not really made for daily use so just try to keep it in neutral when you’re in stop-start traffic. And don’t coast - it’ll screw you right up.”

“Got it. Cheers, mate.”

It was difficult not to show my pride as I handed Darren the card machine to pay with. Even though he’d never said it in so many words, I knew he hadn’t entirely trusted my judgement when I told him to be careful with his clutch. Of course he never batted an eyelid when another man told him the same thing. Misogyny prevailed once again.

“Your English accent is very good.” He commented as he punched his PIN into the machine.

“That’s because I’m English.”

Darren stilled, for once reluctant to look me in the eye. “I’m making a real dick of myself, aren’t I?”

“Yep.”

“Okay… So a date would be off the cards?”

“Not a chance in hell.”

He nodded curtly and handed the machine and the invoice back. “Well then, all I shall say is that I found that whole interaction very sexy and it’s a shame I won’t get to hear it again.”

“Goodbye, Darren.”

I watched the idiot leave as I stood in the office refilling Bongo’s water bowl, shaking my head to myself. At least he’d learned when it was a good time to call it a day. I’ve had to be much more aggressive than that before, but again it might’ve helped that there was another male in the near vicinity. Not that that should be a reason at all.

I wandered back to where my dad was finishing off the Clio, making it the last job of the day before we closed. The owner’s arrival was imminent.

“Was he flirting with you?” Dad asked.

I grunted. “Yeah. He was gonna ask me on a date but he’d already ruined it before he could ask.”

Dad laughed, and I could feel his warm gaze on me. “You could do better than that, Floss. He might have enough money to buy a Lambo but he’s too far up his own arse. You need someone a bit more down to Earth.”

“I don’t need anyone, I’m fine.”

“Maybe. I just meant generally, if you did ever decide you wanted a partner again, it wouldn’t do you good to be with a prick like that.”

I hummed, “Gracias, papi.”

It had taken Bongo all week to settle down at night. I’d spent two nights on the sofa because I couldn’t have him in bed with me or Ruby again, and finally on Friday night he slept the night through without any crying or disturbances.

Ruby said I was cruel for leaving him downstairs on his own, but it was more a disciplinary tactic than anything else. I couldn’t have him thinking he was allowed on every surface in the house, it would be carnage when he was fully grown. I tried to tell her this, but she still didn’t like it.

Because I was so distracted by Bongo, I didn’t have any arrangements for my Friday night without Ruby, so I spent it on the sofa with a movie marathon, a pizza and a bottle of wine. Since there were no pizza takeaways close enough to deliver, I had a frozen one out of the freezer and the wine cost me £4 in Tesco. It was horrible, too, but I was surprised by the lack of a hangover in the morning.

I decided to eat breakfast before I took Bongo on his morning walk, so I fumbled my way out of bed and downstairs to get a bowl of cereal and feed the puppy.

“Oh, fuck,” I muttered, halting in the living room doorway.

Bongo had ripped his bed completely to shreds. There was fluff and fabric everywhere - not just in his penn but also somehow across the room. He was still safely inside - he hadn’t escaped and he was awake, sitting upright looking at me with a cocked head.

“Bongo, what did you do?”

He ruffed at me quietly and stood up, tail wagging ferociously.

As I walked closer I realised something else, not just from the obvious smell but by the wet patch on the carpet in the corner of his penn.

“Oh dear,” I sighed, stroking over the top of his soft head. “Did we have a little accident in the night, mate?”

He was licking my hand and arm in response.

“I’m sure it’s only the first.”

I let Bongo eat while I cleaned up the mess in the living room, and heavily sprayed the carpet with disinfectant and fabric spray. He ate faster than I cleaned so he was back to sniffing around me long before I was finished. I found a blanket for him to sleep on for now, but whatever Ruby and I decided to do today, it would involve going to buy a new bed for the puppy.

After my breakfast I dressed in a another of my t-shirts (this one was white, had a red drawing of the sun with a face and legs, and the words ‘I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GOT HERE’ written on the front) and some leggings, brushed my hair, put my work boots on and took the dog out for his morning walk in the sun. We did a big loop around the village - cutting through the field behind the house and past Mum and Dad’s, then over the river towards Arlington Row, but slipping back across the river again by Harry and Oscar’s house so I could stop in the shop next to the post office to buy some more milk.

As we walked over the bridge I noticed movement in Harry’s front window. I couldn’t decide whether it would be better for me to sneak past unseen or at least try and wave just in case he had seen me.

Of course, a convoy of traffic came cruising past just when I needed to cross the road, so I stood waiting for a while in plain sight. When I finally managed to get the dog across the road safely, Harry was already outside on the gravel.

I felt uncomfortably obvious.

“Morning!” He called across his driveway.

I wandered onto the gravel with an apprehensive feeling, but only the same kind of apprehension I always felt around Harry. “Hi,”

“Barely recognised you with your hair down.” He commented as he fussed the puppy playing around his legs.

“Oh,” I dragged my fingers through my hair without thinking, “yeah.”

“S’really long.”

I blinked at him. Why was he stating the obvious? “Yeah,”

“Anyway, I was actually gonna text you.” He said, completely at ease.

“Right?”

“What’s Lodge Park like?”

His question made my mind drift.

Lodge Park was another one of the stately homes built on the Sherborne Estate. It wasn’t the best kept one but it was a beautiful building from what I could remember. I hadn’t been for a long time.

“It’s alright?” I shrugged. “It’s on the big Sherborne Estate - very pretty.”

“I saw a poster for a summer fete or something and thought about taking Oscar.”

“Oh that’d be nice. The fetes are usually massive - like, as big as a car boot sale.”

“Oh, really?” He smiled. His dimple sank and his eyes crinkled. He was so pretty it made me feel sick.

“Yeah, you’ll have plenty to do. I think they do a bouncy castle and lawn games and stuff too.”

“Sweet.” His smile widened. “Are you and Ruby busy? I know Oscar’d love having someone to piss around with.”

I was amused by his choice of words, but at the same time his question seemed to trap me. I didn’t know how to answer that.

I liked Harry. Career aside, he was handsome and pleasant and surprisingly easy to talk to for someone who still managed to unintentionally intimidate me. It should have been so easy for me to just say yes. It would be a good day out for Ruby - it was a nice day again, there were so many things that would keep her occupied.

But the idea of spending near an entire day with the sexy dentist still put me on edge. How many times could I embarrass myself in front of him? There were ample ways to - a fete with endless tables full of trinkets and handmade niceties, food, drinks, I could go on. I could lose my balance and knock one over, which would knock the next one over, and then the one after that. Like dominos of shame. I could talk about things that made absolutely no sense. I could say words that didn’t exist and say other words that did exist but used in completely the wrong context.

As much as I wanted to take Ruby on a nice day out, I wasn’t willing to put myself in that position with the dentist again.

“Oh, I don’t think we can.”

“That’s okay,” he shook his head, still smiling but he was obviously disheartened. “If you’ve got other plans that’s completely fine. Maybe next time.”

“Yeah, we’re just, um…” What? What are we doing? “Mum and Dad are taking us out for the day to Stow.”

He tipped his head like Bongo did. “Where?”

“Stow-on-the-Wold.”

He clicked and pointed at me “I know it. Well, I hope you all have a nice day.”

“And you, Harry.”

“See you later.” He smiled, gave a limp wave, and then turned away to disappear back into his house.

As I walked out of the drive and carried on a few doors down to the village shop, I didn’t feel good about myself. I felt guilty for lying. I was impressed at how easy it had been, and that it was even believable. But I knew I was being stupid to some degree. I just wasn’t ready for that level of friendship with Harry yet.

Before I knew it, Whitsun Week had arrived and it was time for me to send Ruby and Bongo off for their holiday in Cornwall with Mum and Dad.

I had a bit of a sombre day at work while I was thinking about it. Part of me was excited to have some real time to myself for the first time in 7 years, but it also felt really strange knowing that Ruby wouldn’t be in the house, or even a ten minute walk down the road for the next week.

When I finished work I drove straight to the school. I had her suitcase and all of Bongo’s things in the boot of my car. Ruby had been upset that morning that she couldn’t take her suitcase or the dog into school with her, so I reminded her that she would have both of those things for the rest of the week without any kind of separation.

Mum and Dad were already waiting in the car park when I pulled in. Dad was sitting against the bonnet of his car while Mum was across the playground talking to Harry. I felt a weird pain in my stomach at that.

“Cómo estás, querida?” Dad asked how I was. He met me at my car, opening the door for me.

“Estoy bien.” I shrugged. “Ha sido un día extraño.” It’s been a weird day.

My dad simply nodded, and helped me unload everything out of my car to move it all over to his. There wasn’t as much as I thought there was this morning when I did it alone, so it didn’t take us very long.

Mum was still talking to Harry, and would probably continue to do so until the children appeared. I caught his gaze at one point, so I gave a small smile and a limp wave, but he didn’t return it.

That actually didn’t surprise me. Ever since I declined to go to Lodge Park with him, he’d kept his distance. I couldn’t figure out why - he believed me on the day. I hadn’t really had a chance to put my foot in anything else since then. When he came to collect Oscar the following Monday he was much less chatty and seemed almost desperate to go home. The same thing happened on Wednesday and Thursday when I picked Ruby up from his.

I tried not to let it bother me too much. It could’ve been any number of reasons - it might not have been me at all. Maybe he had a new girlfriend and he was just trying to keep his distance. Maybe he was going through a rough time and working out what I was doing all the time wasn’t a priority anymore. I hoped it was one of those two.

When the children finally started to appear, Mum left Harry alone and came back to us.

“Floss, si no tienes prisa y arrebatar a ese, alguien mas lo hara.” If you don’t hurry up and snatch that dentist, someone else will.

I rolled my eyes. “No estoy arrebatando a nadie.” I’m not snatching anyone.

“¡¿Por qué?!”

“¡Porque no quiero!” Because I don’t want to!

I was starting to get really tired of everyone telling me that I needed to find a man. Namely, the sexy dentist. I didn’t need to find anything. Everything I needed had already been found.

“Abuela!”

My mother shook her head at me, but immediately returned the hug she was receiving from my daughter. “Hola, dulce niña,”

“We’re going on holiday!” Ruby squealed.

“We are, are you excited?”

“So excited!”

“Good!”

“Rubes, do you want to give me your school bag and we’ll go and get Bongo?” I asked, nodding towards the car.

“Okay!” She grinned.

I took her hand and we walked the short distance to the car together. She threw her bag into the back seat, and then took Bongo’s lead off me once he was out of the car. He was looking a little too excitable for my liking.

“Hold onto him extra tight, muffin. Looks like he wants to shoot off any second.” I said as I stroked over her hair.

“I got him.”

We loaded the puppy into the back of Dad’s car where a blanket had been laid out for him, and as soon as the door was shut his head appeared in the back window, panting away.

I rubbed my finger over the window where his wet nose was smearing all over the glass. “Bye, mate.”

Even though he was Ruby’s puppy, I was going to miss the little thing a lot.

“Right, Ruby, can I have a hug, please?”

“Yeah!”

I crouched down so that I was basically shorter than her, and waited for her to wrap her arms around me. When she did I squeezed her to me as tightly as possible and buried my face into the small crook of her neck.

“I’m gonna miss you, Mummy.”

I sighed as I pulled away, placing both hands on the side of her face. “I’ll miss you too, poppet. You make sure you have lots of fun and look after Grandma and Grandad, alright?”

“I will, I promise.”

“Buena niña.” I whispered, pecking her cheek. “Te quiero mucho.”

Ruby smiled at me and kissed my cheek in return. “Te quiero más.” I love you more.

“Aye,” I was filled with joy, “my smart girl. Go on, then. Or we’ll be here forever and you’ll never have a holiday.”

“Are you sure you can’t come with us?” She pouted.

“I’m sure, darlin’. I’m sorry.” I said with a matching look as I stood up again. “But you’ll have a brilliant time whether I’m there or not.”

She let out a heavy sigh, staring at the floor. “Wait,”

I watched with a startled look as she ran off towards the car. She opened the back door, wrestled with the dog for a little bit, and then trotted him over to me.

She handed me the lead with a determined look. “You should have Bongo here with you. So you’re not lonely.”

I felt like crying. “Oh, are you sure, muffin? He was looking forward to his holiday with you.”

“I’m sure. He loves you and he’ll miss you.”

I stroked over her cheek, a no doubt warm look radiating from me. “Thank you, baby.”

I finally said goodbye to my parents and put Ruby in the back seat, and I waited for them to set off before I put Bongo in the front passenger seat. I realised as they were driving away that everything I needed for Bongo was now on its way to Cornwall.

“Bollocks.”

Feeling slightly deflated I took Bongo home and fed him with some emergency puppy food from the shop, then myself with the addition of a bottle of wine. I watched TV for all of an hour before I decided to call it a night.

Even though I never had Ruby at home on a Friday night, it was strange knowing that she wasn’t at least five minutes down the road. I stood on the landing staring between my bedroom and hers for an embarrassing amount of time before I decided to sleep in her room. I wept a little as I tucked myself into her bed, and I was asleep before I could even count to five.

thirteen

While Ruby was away with Mum and Dad I had a constant fear of being alone in the house. I had the puppy which wasn’t necessarily a terrible thing, but not having my miniature zipping around the house every evening made me sad. I missed her a lot more than I’d expected to and I really couldn’t wait for her to come home.

I ended up taking Bongo on more walks than he needed. Like on Tuesday - I took him for his morning walk before I went to work, and for his afternoon walk when I got home. And then in the late evening - way later than I should’ve been out walking alone, I took him for a third walk out to the field behind the house and let him run riot for as long as he wanted. I threw stick after stick for him, ran him around the field until I was exhausted, and then waited for him to tire. I ended up carrying the poor sod home.

Even though the weather had been wonderful, while I was carrying the puppy back to the house, it wasn’t hard to miss the especially dark cloud coming in from Cheltenham-way. And it was grossly warm out. I ran the last five minutes home to avoid us both getting wet.

I decided the best thing to do was have an early night, so I had a shower and began to put Bongo away in his penn for the night. While I was fussing with him the thunder started. I stood up and wandered over to the back door, watching the heavy rain soak the dying grass in the back garden. Lightning struck in a wild flash, and moments later the thunder rolled over again.

Bongo started crying.

“It’s alright, mate.” I cooed at him, rejoining him on the floor. “Just a bit of thunder, it can’t hurt you in here.”

The puppy whimpered, crawling into my lap like a dollop. I shushed him while I stroked him, and decided to take him with me back to the window to watch it. He was much better in my arms; he started crying any time I tried to put him back down again.

All I could do now was wait for the storm to stop, but I was standing there for a good hour and nothing changed. I tried to fuss him as much as I could, but my arms grew tired and I eventually had to sit down. I let him curl up on the sofa next to me.

I nodded off for a while, always comforted by the sound of rain and thunder. The only thing that woke me up was my phone vibrating where I’d left it on the dining table. I groaned and stood up, Bongo following me without hesitation.

REDIRECT FROM: Garage Maybe: Oscar’s Dad

I frowned at my phone. Why would Harry be calling the garage?

I answered the call before it rang out, “Harry?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line. “Er…”

“It’s Floss.”

“Oh, shit,” he muttered, “I thought I’d called the breakdown number.”

“You did, it redirects to my phone after five o’clock. Are you alright?”

He coughed. Wherever he was I could hear the rain from his end as well as mine. “No, I’ve er, broken down.”

Dur. I was so stupid sometimes. So much for my early night.

“Where are you?” I asked, moving towards the hall to put some shoes on.

“I don’t know, somewhere this side of Cheltenham.”

“Can you ping me your location from your phone? I’ll come and get you.”

“With what?”

Was that a serious question? “The breakdown van…”

“Oh no, Florence I’ll just call the AA or something, you don’t have to come all the way out here.”

“Harry, it’s literally my job.”

“I realise that, but it’s late and the weather is shit and I don’t want you doing that.”

“I’ve already left the house,” I hadn’t, “so just drop your location to my number and I’ll come and find you.”

He sighed, a rather petulant sound. “Alright. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

I found Bongo’s lead and hooked it to his collar, fiercely stroking his head while he tried to lick my hand.

“Who’s a lucky boy, aye? Four outings in one day!”

I took the keys for the rescue van off the hook on the wall by the front door, locked the house up, and ran out to where it was waiting on the driveway with Bongo in tow. He curled up on the seat next to me and went straight to sleep, while I set the sat-nav on my phone to the pin Harry had sent me like I’d asked him to. He looked to be on a single track road the other side of Withington - one of the villages around halfway between Cheltenham and Bibury.

I started the van and drove out into the rain, the windscreen wipers not doing much for visibility. I needed to get them replaced. While I knew the roads around the village fairly well, doing it practically blind and in the dark didn’t make it easy for me. I drove much slower than I normally would.

It took me 40 minutes to find the dentist, when it should’ve only taken half that. When I did find him, he was sitting in the driver’s seat of his Range Rover with the cab light on, hazards flashing. I pulled the van in behind him so that they were rear to rear and it would be easier to load the car on.

He opened his door as I did, except he never got out. I left the sleeping puppy in the van and hurried over to the car with the hood on my parka pulled up. Harry was sitting sideways now, his feet resting on the step of the door. Telling by the state of his wet, dripping hair, he’d already been outside.

“Are you okay?” I asked, louder than usual because the rain was so damn noisy.

His expression was flat and his jaw was already clenched. “Fucking marvellous, Florence.”

I gave him a sympathetic smile. “Sorry. This won’t take me long, I just need you to reverse it onto the van and then you can go sit in the cab with the dog.”

He lifted his head, but he didn’t give a verbal response. He just stepped out of the car into the pouring rain and around to the front.

Together we pushed the Range Rover onto the back of the van, with Harry pushing at the bonnet and me at the side, using the steering wheel to guide it. It wasn’t the easiest car I’d had to load - being so big and so heavy, and with the rain it kept rolling forwards on the metal planks. I ended up having to secure the back of the car to the cab with the winch before I could fasten the tyres down, but I didn’t make Harry help me with that.

It was about half an hour later when we finally started making our way home.

I kept looking in Harry's direction to see if he was alright, but he was like Ruby - always looking out the window with his chin in his palm. It was obvious he was pissed off about something, whether it be the car or something else, or multiple things, but I hadn’t ever seen him like it. It was unnerving. I didn’t know if trying to talk to him would make it better or worse, but I decided not to try.

I didn’t have to, anyway.

“Did you leave Ruby at home?”

I glanced at him, but not for very long. He still wasn’t looking at me. “No, she’s away with my parents. Did you leave Oscar at home?”

“No, he’s with my mum in Cheshire.”

“I see… What were you doing all the way out here, then? If you don’t mind me asking.”

He sighed and turned to look out the windscreen instead. “I had to go to this convention thing in Cheltenham. I didn’t actually want to go at all but I didn’t have a choice. I thought because it was so close I’d drive there and back both days. Apparently I’m not allowed to do that.” Then he looked at me. “Why didn’t you go away with your mum and dad?”

“Stuff like this.”

“Knew I was gonna break down, did ya?”

I laughed. “I knew you’d break down at some point. I didn’t know it was gonna be today.”

“Let me guess - hedges?”

“Bushes.” I giggled, and I was relieved to hear him laughing too. “But yes.”

“Serves me right, I guess.”

I shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. It’s a lot of money to fork out on a car, sometimes we just can’t afford it. But it does serve you right for getting a Range Rover.”

“This coming from a car mechanic who drives a bright orange Ford Focus.”

“Hey, it was the only thing I could afford at the time, and it has done me well this far so there’s no point in changing it.”

“My Range Rover had done me well until now.” He retorted.

“Had it? Really?”

“It actually had!”

“Alright, if you say so Mr Dentist Man.”

“That’s Doctor Dentist Man, thank you very much.”

“I knew you were gonna say that.” I scoffed.

When I didn’t get a response from him, I quickly looked his way to find him smirking at me.

“What?” I demanded.

“Nothing.” He looked away from me. “How are you getting on without Ruby at home?”

I swallowed and took a deep breath. “I hate it.”

“Really?”

“Yep. I hadn’t realised until she left but I’ve never not had her at home. I mean, she stays at Mum and Dad’s every Friday night, but this is day four and it’s getting a bit shit. I’ve learned that I’m not very good at being on my own. I actually get really lonely.”

“I get that.” Harry said, his voice much softer. “I’m kinda the same - I’m not used to being in the house alone. Even though Oscar always spends a holiday with a grandparent somewhere, I’d never been alone with it until now. This is the first time I’ve not gone with him and still not had anyone at home either.”

I thought about that for a moment. “It’s crazy to think that we, as grown adults, depend on our children like that. Like we need them, just like they need us. It’s not supposed to be like that, is it?”

“Not really, no. But things would have been very different if I didn’t have Oscar. He saved my life in one way.”

I felt the seconds tick away before I answered. “I was just selfish with Ruby. I fell pregnant when I least expected it and I just didn’t want to give her up.”

“Do you… do you know where her dad is, if you don’t mind me asking?”

His question made me laugh, because it sounded as if he was asking if I’d lost him - like we’d got separated one day and I just never found him again. I had this image in my head of Federico wandering aimlessly around a big field.

“What’s funny?”

I shook my head. “Nothing, I had a daft thought. Um, I do know where he is, yeah. I met him through a friend but he wasn’t local, he was just studying here. We had a kind of… whirlwind romance, if you like, and then he went back home. When I found out I was pregnant I wrote to him and just said, I want to keep her, and if you want to be involved then great, but if you don’t I completely get it. I was keeping her either way, that was my choice.”

“So I guess he didn’t want to know?”

“I guess not. He’s never met her, but I get like a small amount of money come in every month, and a bit more on her birthday.”

“I suppose that’s… something. Does Ruby know?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Maybe one day I’ll tell her, and if she asked me I’d never not tell her. But she’s said to me before that she doesn’t care that she’s not got a daddy and she likes that it’s just the two of us. Hopefully that means I’m doing something right.”

“I mean,” I heard his thick swallow, “there’s no denying you’re a good mum, Floss. Lorraine can say whatever the fuck she wants about you and me, but I know you do what’s best for Ruby, and so does everyone else who isn’t poisoned by that stupid woman running the kid’s club.”

“Well, thanks, Harry. I appreciate that.”

“You’re welcome.” He grinned at me. “I am available for pep talks and motivational speeches at any time.”

I took Harry home first considering he’d had such a naff day and it was getting so late. He gave Bongo a chin scratch as he stood outside with the door open, apparently not bothered by the rain anymore.

“Thank you for saving my arse, Florence. Floss,” He corrected himself again with a little eye roll.

“Any time.”

“What do I owe you for the,” He waved his hand vaguely, “service?”

“Don’t worry about it. Just let me know tomorrow what you want me to do with the car.”

“Oh, I want it fixed.” He laughed, still stroking the puppy. “Just fix it, I’m over it.”

“Alright. I will fix her.”

“Dulces sueños, señorita.”

My expression fell at the Spanish words coming out of his mouth. Sweet dreams, miss. My laugh was nervous, “Buenas noches, pollito.”

He pressed his lips together, holding onto the side of the door. “Don’t know that one yet.”

“Okay, well I’ll leave you to work that one out.” I’d called him a small chicken.

“Goodnight.”

“Bye. Bongo, come over here.”

He finally shut the door once the puppy had come to me, and ran across the gravel to his house, key at the ready.

I decided to take the car to the garage in the morning rather than straight away like I normally would. I was too tired and too wet to want to do anything else other than go to bed.

I’d been alone in the garage for half the day. Zara had been in for the morning but went home at lunchtime to start her holiday early. She was going to Greece for a week with Mickey, and I was going to be alone in the garage for two and a half days. Alone again. Perhaps I’d shot myself in the foot by not going away with Mum and Dad, but I had to earn money somehow.

Luckily it was a quiet day. I hadn’t seen anyone since this morning when clients came to collect their cars, and no one had brought one in to me. The phone hadn’t even rang. The weather was nice again today; the storm passed. Everything was still wet and it was much cooler temperature-wise, but it was sunny and bright. Like a mid-spring morning.

It left me to work on the dentist’s car without interruption. Well, Bongo was in the office in his bed and barked occasionally when I left him for too long without reminding him I was still there. I’d turned the music up louder than I normally would, with my entire music library on shuffle. Some would call it messy. I certainly did.

I didn’t realise the time while I was fixing the Range Rover. It was a larger task to do alone than I’d anticipated, and by the time I’d pulled my head out of the bonnet it looked to be getting late.

When I looked out onto the forecourt I saw Harry eyeing up an old BMW M3 someone had sold me earlier in the week. It needed a bit of a clean up before it could be marketed, but that was usually Zara’s job.

Harry was wearing a rainbow-dyed crew neck t-shirt and wide-leg jeans with white vans. He looked a lot cleaner than he had done last night. I knew I couldn’t say the same for myself. He turned away from the old beamer and looked into the garage where I was watching him.

I turned the music down. No one needed to hear Oasis at that volume. “Hi,” I said calmly, wiping my hands on a cloth.

“Hi,” He returned with a smile, briefly looking over his car. “I, er, tried to call you a couple of times but… well, yeah.”

“Sorry. I left my phone in the office - you should’ve tried the garage number.”

“I did.”

“Oh,” I laughed once, “my bad.”

“Thought it was a bit weird you hadn’t called me with an update.”

“Yeah, I’ve been alone most of today so it’s taken a bit longer than usual.”

“It’s alright, was a bit worried, that’s all.”

I tipped my head slightly. Did he mean he was worried about me or about his car? “Well, she’s all fixed up now, so nothing to worry about. I think, anyway. I haven’t tried starting it yet.”

He fought a smile. “I didn’t mean the car, Florence.”

Oh.

I stared at him for a moment, unsure what to say. He was painfully pretty up this close. He still hadn’t shaved so he looked a bit dirty around the cheeks and mouth, but it looked good on him. It aged him well. His hair was fluffy and a little unruly. I thought if I patted my hand to it, it would just bounce right back. His lips looked especially pink. There was a dimple in his left cheek appearing and I wanted to poke it. Or kiss it. I wanted to do lots of things in that moment, actually. And I did none of them.

He never took his eyes off me, either. I felt like I was stuck inside a prison, and my own personal cell was just his gaze. It was a crime to look at someone the way he was looking at me. It was unfair.

Harry blinked, gaze dropping less than an inch. His lips upturned. “You’ve got, um, a bit of grease on your nose.”

My cheeks started burning. “Oh,” I wiped my nose with the side of my hand, looking at the floor. How embarrassing.

When I met his gaze again he giggled and shook his head. “No, um,”

“What?” I asked, trying to see my reflection in the window of his car.

“It’s…”

“I’ve made it worse, haven’t I?”

“L’il bit, yeah.”

“Shit,” I sighed, about to wipe it again.

“Here,”

In the next breath he rested the pads of his fingertips under my jaw and wiped his thumb over the width of my nose. I was paralysed for that pocket of time, my skin tingling where he touched me but completely unable to do anything about it. I was dizzy when he met my gaze again, and I didn’t miss the way he wet his lips with his tongue.

Suddenly, Bongo barked.

Harry pulled his hand away, and I jumped at the sound.

I turned around to see the puppy standing at the back of the room staring between the two of us. My heart was hammering in my chest.

“What are you barking for, you daft dog?” I said as I marched up to him. “Come on, in the office.”

Bongo followed me into the small fishbowl office and padded onto his bed. I crouched down and stroked him over a few times, and pecked his snout.

“You are a good boy, aren’t you?” I whispered. “We’ll go walkies in a minute, yeah?”

He gave me a little ruff as if to say he understood.

Before I shut him in the office again I found Harry’s keys and the paperwork for the car.

“You know, I didn’t sleep very well last night.” He said once I was standing before him again.

I left the paperwork on the bonnet of the car with the key on top, waiting for him to carry on.

“Was thinkin’ about what you said - about hating being alone.”

I blinked, confused. “What about it?”

He gave a weird shake of his head. “I didn’t like it.”

“Well, it’s kind of my own fault, so-,”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I know you said you stayed home because of work and whatever, but I still felt… I didn’t want you to be alone. ‘S kinda why I came to find you today, ‘cause I didn’t want you to feel that way.”

“I was just whining. I’m a big girl, Harry. It’s only a few more days - I’ll survive.”

His face did this weird thing where he seemed frustrated but he didn’t want to show it. “Why do you do that?”

I was confused. “Do what?”

“That thing. You did it the first day you walked into the practice - look for an excuse to… I don’t know. ‘S like you’re scared of me.”

I was scared of him. I felt like a peasant talking to a king, or plankton in the presence of a shark. I was insignificant in comparison. I didn’t know what to say to him, either. I thought admitting to him that he terrified me would make it worse.

I don’t know how long I was silent for but in the end he gave up.

“Alright, just… tell me if you want me to fuck off and I’ll leave you alone.”

I frowned. “No.”

Harry gawked at me, and then laughed. “No, what?”

“No, I’m not going to say that to you.”

His eyes widened. “You are the most confusing woman I’ve ever met.”

“I can assure you, I am actually just the most confused woman on the planet at all times.”

He stared at me, face utterly bewildered. “What must it be like inside your brain?”

“There’s not much there.” I shrugged.

He took a step closer as he spoke. “I’d love to know.”

“No, you wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I really would.” He insisted, smiling again. He moved another step closer.

“It’s really very empty up there.”

“I don’t believe you.”

At this point there was barely an inch of space between the two of us, and I felt very hot.

He took my hand in both of his and brought it up to his chest, placing it, palm flat, over his heart. “Feel that?”

I could feel it. I felt it the same way I could feel my own heartbeat, and they were perfectly in sync - completely erratic and thunderous. I nodded.

“Hasn’t done that for a very long time.”

“Who knew the thought of an empty brain could do such a thing to a man.”

He made another face, this time quite clearly desperate not to laugh. “I don’t know where the fuck you came from, but I’m so glad you came to me.”

“How so?”

He looked up and took a deep breath, “I don’t know how I can make it any more explicitly clear that I want you.”

“Oh…” I mumbled, unable to look away from him. “Okay.”

Harry cocked his head, smirking. “Okay? Okay? Is it okay?”

“Yeah,” I giggled.

He lowered his head. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Better tell me, ‘cause there’s no turning back.”

“Stop talking and get on-,”

Harry dropped his head and pushed his lips firmly against mine.

I’d actually surrendered to him about five minutes ago, but with his kiss I was next-level surrendering, if such a thing existed. I was in the palm of his hand; swept with his tide; a single ember in his burning fire.

I was too startled to do anything but let him lead. And boy did he lead. He was everywhere - all I could feel was him. He was messy and needy and physical and I loved it.

He was greedy with his kisses - mouth open and tongue travelling the inside of my mouth like an explorer stuck in a foreign land. Except he wasn’t trying to find his way out, he was happy to get more and more lost.

His nose dug into my face, not necessarily painful because it was just fuelled by eagerness and want. He was breathing heavily and little grunts were coming out of him as if this was the first time he was experiencing a kiss. Did I care? Absolutely not. It was driving me crazy and I just wanted more.

His hands travelled, leaving my hand on his heart while he felt me up in other places, from my hips to my bum to my back to my breasts. For however long we stood there, all I thought about was him, because he made it so. Quite honestly he made it difficult to think about anything else. How could I when this man that I’d been calling sexy for however many months suddenly decided he wanted to make me feel like the only person to ever exist?

“You smell like oil and metal.” He said into my mouth.

“You don’t smell like mint.”

He laughed darkly. “That’s because I didn’t go to work today.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” he started, but sucked on my lower lip before he continued, “my stupid car broke down and the woman I fancy had to come and save me.”

“She sounds really cool.”

“She’s cool and more.”

I was delighted. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and let my fingers sink into his hair. He was feeling up my front, his hands gliding up and down over my breasts. I didn’t wear a bra to work and the friction against my nipples was doing wonders for me. I was the one making noise now.

He found the zip on my boiler suit and started pulling it down. My mind was running riot with possible outcomes and I was struggling to concentrate. He did what he was doing before - rubbed his palms over my nipples while his kisses grew more and more salacious.

“Can we take this off?” He asked, voice just a deep rumble as he pulled at the fabric of my coveralls.

Without answering and without any hesitation, I took my hands from around his shoulders and shimmied my way out of the garment, never letting my mouth detach from his. I kicked the boiler suit off my ankles and away, because knowing my luck I would probably trip over it.

Harry pushed the paperwork and the key to the other side of the bonnet, before he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me up to sit me on top of the car.

I sunk my fingers back into his hair, but now his kisses travelled. He left a peck to my lips, before he dragged his wet kisses down my throat and chest. Without taking my t-shirt off, he held me at the sides and licked my nipple over the cotton. While he did, I massaged my fingers into his scalp. Neither of us could stop moaning.

He smoothed his hand up and down my thigh for a minute or so, but eventually he stretched his thumb out and started teasing me there between my legs.

“Fóllame,” I heaved.

Harry peered up at me, pupils completely blown out. “What does that one mean?”

I dragged out a slow, somewhat embarrassed laugh and pushed my hand through his hair. “The literal translation is ‘fuck me’.”

He pressed his mouth back to mine, now rubbing me between the legs with two fingers. “Am I to take your literal translation literally?”

“If you want to.”

He growled, forcing his tongue into my mouth again while he worked me up at the core. Not that he needed to - I’d been worked up down there from the moment he shut me up with his kisses. We snogged while he pulled my leggings and my knickers down to my knees, and then he pulled away to wet his fingers with his mouth.

He used his fingers to spread his spit around my clit, and started tactically rubbing away at me, like a burrowing rabbit. I kept my mouth on his to keep my noise levels to a minimum, but it was pointless. He made me feel like I was transcending.

He was practically purring at me as my legs started to quiver. “Are you always this wet?”

I groaned into his mouth. “No.”

I could feel the upturn of his lips, and a second later he was pushing his long middle finger into my heat.

“Haces la agonía mejor que el cielo.” You make agony better than heaven.

“I don’t know what you’re saying but please say more.”

My laughter was breathy and fell straight into his mouth. “Te hablaría así todo el día si te agradara.” I would talk to you like this all day if it pleased you.

I was vocal during sex anyway usually, but not in Spanish. I think I had a lot that I wanted to say to Harry but was too scared to say it. I could say it in Spanish and feel relief but not really give too much away.

He was still smiling as his kisses became more and more desperate. He did wonders for my body and my ego with a finger alone, and I loved just how attached he was to me.

Harry was persistent with his pleasure, slipping his index finger inside of me as well, and now with a more vigorous pace. His thumb played with my clit simultaneously, and I concentrated on both of these things alone while I kissed him like my life depended on it. My body was tingling with anticipation, my centre so hot it might fry an egg.

I found his free hand and guided it under my t-shirt to my boobs. He wasn’t stupid - he wrapped his hand around my right breast and and started playing with my nipple.

“Dios mío, pinchas,” I grunted, holding myself closer to him.

I shuddered, my body seizing up as my orgasm took me captive like a sailor on a pirate ship. I was awash with heat and pleasure, basking in it as if on a beach in a hot country. I hadn’t felt like this for a very long time, and it was bliss.

Harry had also calmed, his free hand stroking up and down my side while he left delicate and soft pecks to my lips. “You’re a marvel.” He said once I’d calmed.

I watched him as he took his hand away from my centre, which I didn’t fail to jolt from the feeling, and cleaned his fingers. “I don’t like superhero movies.”

He laughed, loudly and hysterically. “Alright, Florence. Floss. Noted for future reference.”

“You can stop correcting yourself.” I said, helpless in wiping my thumb over his puffy lips. “Quite like it when you call me Florence.”

His genuine smile came in an instant without a thought. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He wrapped his hand around my wrist and pressed a kiss to the palm of my hand. He then helped me get off the bonnet of his car. “Guess you want me to pay you now?” He asked as he reached over the front to pull the form back.

I cleared my throat and put my clothes back on properly. “Feels a bit weird asking you to pay me after we just did that.”

“I’ll write it clearly on there for you. ‘For the manual labour, not the other thing’.” He joked.

“Please don’t.” I cringed. “I’m not the only one that looks at these forms and it invites too many questions to HMRC.”

“I would pay to see you try and explain that to HMRC.”

I gave him a dead look. “Just fill the bloody form out, doctor.”

He smirked at me, and I left him to it while I started closing everything up. I collected my coveralls from off the floor and put them back on their hook. When Harry had finished filling his form out I went to put it back in the office and collect the puppy.

“Oh, shit.”

“What?” Harry asked, appearing behind me. “Oh…”

Bongo was lying on his belly with his head on his paws facing the door, surrounded by mounds of fluff from his ripped up bed.

“I think this is maybe bed number five?”

“Oh dear…”

I sighed, left the form on the desk and picked up the puppy’s lead. “Come here, you idiot.”

Bongo stood with a little grunt and waited for me to clip his lead to his collar.

I locked the office door and looked at Harry. “I’ll clean it in the morning.”

He lifted his head with a smirk. “Alright. I bet he needs a walk, doesn’t he?”

“He needed a walk three hours ago.”

Harry pressed his lips together. “Whoops.”

I looked at him for a moment, noting how perfectly at ease he was. “Do you want to come with me?”

“You didn’t even have to ask.”

fourteen

“Can I ask you something?”

After I’d locked the garage up, Harry had followed me in his car to my house, and we’d left straight from there to take Bongo for his walk without even going inside.

The grass in the field was still wet from the previous night’s rain, and Harry definitely wasn’t wearing the right shoes for it, but he never complained. The air was noticeably cooler still, not cold enough for a coat but I was glad I bought a thin jacket. Again, Harry did not have something of the sort with him.

I gave him a curious look, “Sure.”

“Well,” He smiled at the floor, “I actually have about a hundred things I want to ask you, but this one is the most recent thing that’s been bugging me.”

Now I was scared. “Okay…”

“Why did you lie about coming to Lodge Park the other week?”

My stomach twisted into a giant knot, and I screwed my face up as if it might hide my red complexion. “Oh, God…”

He giggled through a closed mouth and it made me feel less shitty about what I’d done. “I’m not mad. Well, not anymore. I was mad for a while.”

“I thought you were, but I was hoping I’d got away with it and you were upset about something else.”

“No, I was mad about that. And you had got away with it for about three hours, and then I saw your mum and dad there even though you said they were taking you and Ruby to Stow.”

I snorted and smacked my hand against my face. “Fucking… sociable parents.”

“So why did you lie?”

I bit my lip, refusing to look at him. “Er…” My voice had gone unusually high and squeaky.

“Florence, you can tell me the truth - I’m a big boy.”

I glanced at him again and he was looking at me, but I quickly averted my gaze back to the grass below us. “Alright, I’ll be honest. Spending, like, a whole day with you and Oscar kind of terrified me a little bit.”

“Why?” He was laughing.

“I don’t know! Because you’re a dentist? Because you’re so… charming and good-looking and nice, and I’m an idiot. Like, I’m so thick people try to take advantage of it. And I embarrass myself in front of you all the time anyway and if I spent a whole fucking day with you just imagine how many times I’d make a fool of myself. I’d really like to not do that just once. And I’ve got people in my ear all the fucking time telling me I need to make a move otherwise you’ll be snatched up by some other… person, and going out with you for the day would just, you know, make it worse.”

When I looked back at Harry he was wide-eyed, but his lips were twitching in that annoying way and he was obviously trying not to flare his nostrils.

“So… I lied.” I concluded.

“Right,” His chest heaved quickly with a laugh. “So it wasn’t because you hate me?”

“No. It’s practically impossible to hate you. It’s really annoying, actually.”

He kicked something with his foot as he smiled down at me. He crouched down and collected the branch he’d knocked, turning it over in his grip. “Can I throw this?”

“Yeah, sure.”

I unclipped the lead from Bongo’s collar, and he made a break for it as soon as the stick was launched across the wide field.

“Good throw.” I commented.

“Thank you.” He was smug, it was obvious. “Can I ask you something else?”

I took a deep breath. “Alright…”

He giggled again, but he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and shook me. His grip at the top of my arm felt really hot, and it was strong. “Why are you so scared of dentists?”

“No.” I shook my head.

“What?”

“We’re not talking about that.”

“Why not?”

“Because.” I stood still and turned to face him. “That conversation is off limits.”

“Floss, come on.” He chuckled.

“No, I’m being serious. No one knows that story apart from my parents, because they were there. If I had it my way they wouldn’t know, either.”

Bongo brought the stick back, so Harry threw it again.

“Please?”

“No. I have embarrassed myself once for you today, we’re not doing it again.”

He frowned. “I’ll just keep pestering you about it until you cave.”

“I’ll never cave.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I’ll crack you like an egg.”

My face screwed up again, but in a different way. “That’s a really weird thing to say.” I whispered.

Harry snorted. “You’re right, that was a bit weird. But I stand by it. One day I will find out what makes you so terrified of dentists.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” I said, and turned away to carry on walking.

It was so quiet in the middle of the field like that. In the distance I could hear cars on the road, and the rustle of the trees when the wind blew. In another field nearby the scent of freshly cut grass lifted into the air and wafted towards us, and the air was so clean I could almost taste it. For a moment I felt weightless.

“You’re not thick, you know.”

Harry’s comment made me wince and I don’t know why. “Other people would disagree.”

“Other people don’t matter.” He insisted. “Who are they to say what you are? I think you’re really clever.”

I barked a laugh. “Okay, Harry.”

“I mean it! You’re multi-lingual, for fuck’s sake! And you know way more about cars than most people.”

“My mother is Colombian and I’m a mechanic.” I said in a flat tone.

“You’re missing the point.”

That’s because I’m thick. “Harry, you don’t need to do this. I’ve accepted what I am and, to be honest, I’m okay with it.”

“And that’s fine. But you don’t need to let other people define you. Only you’re allowed to do that. Just because other people say you’re something, doesn’t mean that you are.”

I paused again, allowing his words to sink in. He was right to an extent. Perhaps I had based my acceptance of myself around what other people had told me I was when I shouldn’t have. But it didn’t matter to me. One of my greatest strengths was not caring what others thought of me. Well, apart from dentists. Apparently I was always worried about what dentists thought of me.

Bongo brought the branch back again, looking a bit worse for wear in comparison to when we’d found it. I threw it this time, and it barely made it 10 yards. I laughed at my attempt and dropped my head.

“Now I know why I was never accepted for the rounders team at school.”

Harry giggled. “I can’t really imagine you on any kind of sports team, to be honest.”

“I hated P.E so much.” I admitted.

“I think that’s fair enough.”

Bongo returned with the stick, and I let Harry throw it again - more for the dog’s sake than his.

As I stood there watching my daughter’s yampy dog jump around amongst the tall grass, Harry slipped his hand into mine and held onto it. I looked up to him blankly, head empty and words lost.

“I do really like you, Florence.” He said in earnest. “I’m sure you find that hard to believe,” I laughed and so did he, “but it’s the truth.”

“You must be as crazy as me.”

He shrugged, smiling into his shoulder, and it was so childlike that I had a similar feeling wash over me to the one I’d had that day in the school car park when we’d talked about being single parents. It grounded him again. He was just a person like I was.

“Maybe I am. Imagine the chaos we’d cause.”

I cringed. “I don’t want to.”

“Yeah, you do.” He smirked.

I continued watching him, expression fond, as he placed himself directly in front of me and cupped my face, his thumb stroking my cheek while his eyes looked over every feature of my face.

I felt giddy inside all over again. It was inhumane to be this close to someone so beautiful; to be able to see every follicle of skin and every shape of their face. The field and the village and the world around us had slowly dropped away from existence until it was just me and him, and my puppy with a stick. All I could see was Harry. All I wanted to feel right then was Harry.

“Can I kiss you?”

His question was pertinent. Why would anyone ever say no?

“Please.”

Joy spread across his face in the most obvious way, and then he dropped his head to meet my lips. It was tender compared to the last one. He was cautious but not overly so - he wanted to take his time, and to be honest I wanted the same thing.

I almost fell into him. As his lips brushed and sponged their way over mine he stroked my cheek, and he released the hand holding mine to wrap around my back. I reached my hands up and my arms draped across his shoulders. I stroked the back of his neck and pushed my fingertips through his soft hair.

I could feel Harry’s hands spread across my back, warm and large. I wanted to feel them on my bare skin. I wanted him to stroke down my spine from my neck to my hips and back again, repeating it over and over. But he didn’t - not in the middle of this wide open field. He gently squeezed the parts of me that he had a grip on, just to silently tell me he was there.

I was very much obsessed with it all. It made me feel incredibly good - not just about myself but about everything. His touch made me tingle, in all places, not exclusively to those that your mind is immediately taking you to.

I was tantalised.

Harry’s hand moved slightly lower, feeling for the bottom of my t-shirt. My breathing got heavier as he slid his hand up the back of my t-shirt, palm gliding over my skin. I reached up onto my tiptoes, holding him closer to me. There was barely a part of me that wasn’t touching him and I wanted more.

I opened my mouth, hoping he’d do the same. He did after a second, and I allowed my tongue to search for his.

He suddenly pulled away, a wry smile on his face.

“What are you doing?” I demanded.

“I asked if I could kiss you.”

“Yeah, that’s what we were doing.”

“That’s what I was doing.” He retorted. “You were going for something else.”

Bloody hell.

My face was on fire.

It was true - I’d have probably let him lie me down in the middle of the field and shag me every which way until the sun went down. I didn’t think that he might not have been entirely open to that, which I should have.

“We can do that.” He carried on, taking both of my hands in his. “Just not in this wet field.”

My laughter was broken and whiny. “Jesus Christ, I’m sorry.”

“Aye, no.” He pulled me closer to him again. “I’m flattered. I’d love to do that with you one day, when it’s dry.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

Harry giggled and pecked my lips. “Take me back to your house and I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

“Fucking hell,” I don’t know why, but that turned me on a lot more than it should’ve. I felt… well, wet. I dropped my forehead against his front and pulled at his t-shirt.

“What?”

“You can’t say shit like that to me.”

“Why?”

“Y la gente me llama estúpida.” And people call me stupid, I muttered.

There was a moment of silence while I digressed, and Harry’s hand smoothed up and down my side.

“Right,” he said eventually, “let’s get the dog and get you home.”

At the house, I let Bongo off his lead and he ran straight into the living room. I yanked my boots off and left them on the rack, and then I turned to find Harry.

He’d closed the front door, and he had one hand planted firmly against the wall while he pulled his Vans off with the other. Once he was done, his hand fell away and he stood watching me with a calm expression.

I suddenly didn’t know what to say.

Harry tipped his head slightly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly, shaking my head.

I took a step closer to him, now well into his personal space. He kept his gaze right on me while I let my eyes wander over him. I smoothed my hands up his front, over his pectorals and back down again. I gripped the bottom of his t-shirt at the front and gently tugged on it as I took a step backwards. His lips upturned, following me into the living room without hesitation.

He cupped my cheek again and immediately leaned down to kiss me, this time without asking. I didn’t need him to ask. I met his lips with avidity, hoping to carry on where he’d stopped. Just like he wanted me, I wanted him in return in the rawest and most carnal sense possible. From the moment our lips locked his tongue was in my mouth, and I was greedily in his.

“Fóllame de todas las formas posibles.” Fuck me in every way possible.

Harry groaned, dropping both hands to my hips to pull me against him. “Tell me,”

I smiled against him, but admittedly I was shy to give him the translation. “I don’t want to.”

“Florence,” He whined, and sucked fervently on my lower lip, “please.”

I was pooling in my knickers. I clung to him with everything I had - my hands gripping fists of his hair, my front pressed to his. “No.”

He grunted, the noise frustrated. His hands smoothed up and down my sides under my t-shirt, his palms soft but his touch eager. “You’re so mean.”

His frankly childish response amused me and I ended up giggling into his mouth. We were moving around the room as we kissed, but I wasn’t really paying attention to where we were going - I was letting him lead. Eventually I found myself against a wall with Harry pressing almost his entire weight onto me. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest, in fact I wanted to feel more.

His hands found my boobs under my t-shirt, massaging into them while his crotch began to grind against mine.

I gasped at the sensation, but a little whine escaped as well. I was so turned on it was almost embarrassing. He did it again, no doubt on purpose, and my response was exactly the same.

“Dios mío,” I panted. “If you keep doing that this will all be over before it’s even started.” I warned him.

He gave a dark laugh, and then he bit my lip. I grunted and pulled his hair a little, and he began sucking on my lip instead.

I kept one hand in his hair while our tangled kisses resumed, but dragged my other one out and let it wander his body, from his shoulder and smoothing down his chest to his crotch. My back against the wall felt pressured as he leaned more onto me, a shunted grunt leaving him when I began feeling around for his partially hard cock.

His kisses became greedier; messier; hungrier as I stroked over his stressed tent. He was open-mouthed and breathing heavily, his hands gripping my sides just under my breasts. If he pushed me any further the wall would collapse.

“Te deseo,” I whispered, rubbing my nose against his.

“¿Qué?” He asked loudly, and squeezed my sides.

My laughter was delighted and it confused me. His question had the quality of an old Latino pensioner and I knew he’d done it to mock me in a weird way, but I enjoyed it.

“Dije que te quiero.” I matched his volume, and I was still stroking over his clothed length.

“Tell me what it means.” He begged, resting his forehead against mine.

I giggled at his despairing, and placed both of my hands at the top of his chest. “I said I want you.”

He lolled his head back and groaned, “That’s so sexy. Say it again.”

I rolled my eyes, but my mouth was smiling. “I want you.”

“No, in Spanish,” he laughed.

“Oh,” I felt my cheeks warm, “te deseo.”

He tilted his head mockingly as if he were listening, “Again?”

I lightly pulled the neck of his t-shirt, “Te,” and I pulled it again, “deseo.”

He looked at me with an oddly precious smile. His mouth was tightly closed but his eyes were light and glittery. “Te… deseo…” he repeated slowly.

“Bello,” I praised him, but gave him a patronising pat to the cheek.

He held my hand there as he pressed his lips back to mine, trying to regain the momentum we had before our impromptu Spanish lesson.

We found our way around one another’s bodies with sensual and eager touches, our kisses sloppy and hot. I could feel Harry’s breath fan across my skin at irregular moments but it was titillated and nefarious.

I took him out of his shirt and in turn he took me out of mine. He then pulled me away from the wall and lifted me up by the arse with a frankly impressive strength. The motion was smooth yet it almost knocked the wind out of me. Still I clung to him as tightly as possible and refused to take my tongue out of his mouth.

“Have you got a condom?” He asked breathily.

I hummed into his mouth as I pushed my fingers through his hair. “Upstairs in my bedside table.”

“Good, ‘cause I came unprepared.” He laughed.

“Llevame a la cama, Harry,” I said quietly as I stole small kisses from his lips.

“I don’t know what you just said, but I heard my name so we’ll go with it.” He laughed, moving with ease towards the staircase.

“I said take me to bed.”

He gave a pained sigh, and he held me tighter. “I’m trying.”

I laughed loudly and kissed the tip of his nose. “Maybe if you put me down-,”

“-No. I will carry you to bed.” He said determinately.

“Alright, fine.”

Harry navigated the stairs with an insufferable ease, but as much as I wanted to smother his face with my mouth because of it I decided to patiently wait until we were at the top. He looked around himself at the selection of rooms, and I realised he’d probably never been up here.

“Furthest away on the left,” I mumbled, looking over my shoulder.

Harry smirked, and wandered towards the partially-closed door. “In here?” He pointed at it, and then rested his large palm against the painted wood.

“Yep.”

He pushed the door open until it hit the wall, and then he walked me to the bed and set me down.

I didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or not over the fact that I hadn’t made my bed up this morning before I left.

His mouth immediately reattached as he climbed over me, knees down and hands planted by either side of me by my head as I lay backwards.

I started unbuttoning his jeans as we returned to yet more heavy snogging, and pushed them down his legs until he could just kick them off. He sat back to help me out of my leggings, and it was then I noticed them.

He caught me staring, apparently. “What?”

I met his gaze and blinked. “What?”

“Why are you staring?” He laughed, lifting his head a fraction.

“I don’t know, I’m just… I guess I’m surprised by your choice of underwear.”

He looked down at himself, face fattening as he did, and then barked a laugh. “Not a fan of the white y-fronts?”

“I don’t mind them. I just thought you’d be more of a tight boxers kinda bloke.”

He snorted. “No. Too snug around the sensitive goods.”

I cringed a little but I was laughing. “Okay.”

He grinned, and then went looking for the aforementioned condoms. He pointed at the closest bedside table and leaned towards it, “They in here?”

“Not that one.” I said panicked, reaching forward to stop him.

He looked at me with a smile charged with humour. “What’s in there, then? That your… you know, special drawer?”

“It might be.” I said in a childish retort. It was.

I leaned across the bed to the other table and pulled the drawer open, digging around for the box which appeared to be buried somewhere. It had obviously been a while since I last needed one.

“Bloody hell,” Harry muttered.

When I turned back to him again he was staring inside the drawer I’d told him not to look in, and his eyes were wide with terror almost.

I kissed my teeth and smacked his hand away, closing it again. “No seas entrometido.” Don’t be nosey.

“That thing is huge.”

“I know, I don’t use it.” I said curtly, and ripped the foil packet open.

“That’s a relief, ‘cause you’d be disappointed.”

I giggled, meeting his gaze as I tossed the wrapper aside. “Zara and Geri bought it for me ages ago as a weird joke because they think I don’t have sex anymore.”

“Right,” Harry chuckled. “Have you tried using it?”

I gave him a flat look. “I’m a single mother of one and haven’t had a boyfriend for 8 years. Of course I’ve tried it.”

“Not a fan then.” He drew his own conclusion.

“No. It’s too big.”

I placed my hand at the back of his frankly deliciously hairy thigh and urged him closer to me. He leant down and pressed a fairly innocent kiss to my lips, taking his pants off at the same time.

I reached out and delicately took his dick into my hand, now slightly limp thanks to the conversation we’d just had about the jumbo-sized dildo stashed in my bedside table. I caressed it over and over until it roused, eating Harry’s moans as they fell into my mouth. I hadn’t given it any kind of proper look, but it felt big in my hand.

I rolled the rubber down his length in one smooth movement until it could go any further.

“You’ve done that before.”

I hummed. “Problem?”

“Absolutely not. Quite like it.”

I grinned against his lips and pulled him down so that his body weight was once again pressed onto me. I liked feeling him that way - knowing that he was there and that he wanted me the same way I wanted him.

His hands travelled my bare skin as we deepened and messied our kisses again, smoothing over my breasts and my stomach down to my middle. As he fumbled with the waistband on my knickers my breathing grew heavier. I was ready for him and we were moments away from that feeling - that ecstasy that only came from one very specific thing.

I pushed my fingers through his hair while he found a comfortable position, still with his mouth on mine.

“Are you comfortable?” He asked, pushing his nose into mine as he dragged his lips along my cheek.

“Mhmm,” I nodded.

“Alright,” I could feel his smile against my cheek, and I wanted it stamped there for the rest of eternity.

I stroked through his curls and scratched his back, and I had to hold my breath as he lined himself up at my hot entrance. He teased me for a second, moving the tip up and down over my clit like it was a fucking paintbrush.

I turned my head slightly so that my mouth was closer to his ear, and whispered the same thing I’d said earlier on, “Fóllame de todas las formas posibles.”

He whined, “What does it mean?”

I giggled at the frustrated delivery of his question, massaging my fingertips into his scalp, “Fuck me in every way possible.”

There was a pause, a single breath, and then I felt him like a boat mooring. He was back out sooner than he was in, only to return and do the same again, and again and again until he completely filled me.

Harry’s outward groan was long and slow and filled with a tantric relief. “Bloody hell,” he heaved, “you’re so warm.”

My responding moan was slightly dislocated and irrelevant. I slid my hand up and down his back as he began to move his hips, feeling his muscles and his spine ripple beneath my fingertips. His skin was so soft and smooth it made me want to dissolve into it.

He began to move in and out of me with ease given I was so wet, but each thrust felt better and better. Not only was his pace picking up but so was his strength.

His hands juxtaposed one another. His right remained planted into position - holding strong and keeping him steady; his left hand travelled my body in any and all reachable places. My mind was obsessed with it - I wanted to follow his hand and the places it visited on my body until the end of time. He touched me with this intense tenderness that only enunciated the measured and forceful movements of his hips.

His mouth met mine - open and hungry. He didn’t hold back. His tongue was looking for mine and I wasn’t one to keep it from him. I wanted him just as much as he wanted me. I was quickly becoming besotted with the man.

“Talk to me,” he mumbled, dropping onto his forearms but so that the backs of his fingers could stroke my cheek.

“About what?” I breathed.

He began to kiss me in other places, like my cheeks and my chin and my jaw.

“Anything. Tell me things that make you happy.”

My legs spread wider and he reached down to grip the back of my thigh. He squeezed it tightly, released it, and then squeezed it again. I clenched around his length and he grunted, then fucked into me harder.

“This makes me happy.” I admitted. “Even though you make me nervous I still like being around you.”

Harry buried his face into the crook of my jaw and sucked a kiss into my neck. His one hand was still kneading into the back of my thigh and the other now had a hold of my face, his thumb still stroking my cheek.

I rested my cheek against his head, my fingers making a tangled mess of his hair. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

He laughed and pulled his face out of my neck again to look at me. “Before today I’d get so giddy being anywhere near you. Had like a proper school boy crush.”

“Stop it.” I scoffed.

“It’s true!”

I shook my head and looked away, but I was still playing with his hair. He began sponging kisses over my skin, first on my lips and then my chin, my throat and my collarbones and then my chest. They were wet and warm, but I shivered the moment a breath left him and fanned over me.

I couldn’t help but watch him while he fondled my boobs with his mouth, the two of them glistening with his spit. He looked up at me as he began thrusting into me harder again, and I started to trace the sharp lines of his face with my fingertips. I smoothed my index and middle finger over his lips, and I became hypnotised when he took them into his mouth.

I sat up then, greedy for him in that instant, and claimed his mouth with a heavy kiss.

We rolled over at my behest, so he was on his back and I was on top of him. I ate his mouth like it was my forgotten dinner. I rolled my hips over him like I’d never experienced this kind of ecstasy before. I was addicted to all of it and I wanted more and more.

I was moving at a fast pace, his long and girthy length inside of me very well received. He felt sensational and for now it was all for me.

Harry had fully locked his arms around my back, forcing my body against his. My hands were now lost somewhere in all of my bedsheets just desperate for something to hold onto. I was hot. I was sweaty. I was exerting way more energy than I had done in a very long time, and it made my skin tacky to the touch.

“You’re incredible.” Harry managed to say amongst my plaguing of his mouth.

“No, I’m just very, very turned on.”

“I can tell.” He chuckled.

His arms loosened, and he reached both hands down to squeeze into my arse. He smoothed his palm over both cheeks and smacked one with a light touch.

I groaned with desperation. “Haz eso de nuevo.”

“What?”

“Do that again. Please.”

I pressed my nose into his cheek and bit down on my lip as he slapped my bum again, squeaking around it.

Harry searched for my mouth with his own, and I gave it to him without hesitation. I held his face as we kissed, and he continued to smack and squeeze my arse for the next however long.

I was drowning in him and I wanted him to drown in me.

“Harry,”

“Florence,”

I smiled into his lips, delighted to hear my name on his tongue, “Can I sit on your face?”

“Fuck yes.” He said, and gave my bum another squeeze. “Ask me in Spanish?”

I laughed. “Er. ¿Puedo sentarme en tu cara?”

“Sí.”

I snogged him for a little longer while maintaining my rhythm, and then I slowly lifted my bum up and took Harry’s cock out of me. He held onto me with a cautious smile as I shuffled my way up his body, and then he kept a careful grip on my thighs as I lowered myself towards his face.

“Is that alright?” I asked, placing my hands on the bed for support.

“Yeah.” He laughed once. “You’re really fucking wet, Floss.”

“Yeah, okay, I get it.” I huffed.

He placed his hands on my arse again and pulled me down lower until I could feel his face between my thighs. And from there, he began to eat me out like he’d never had a meal before.

“Jesus Christ,” I breathed, covering my mouth for fear of embarrassing myself.

Harry’s tongue was everywhere. I don’t know how, but it was. His erratic licks of my clit made me want to squeal at the top of my voice, and then the way he forced his tongue into my heat felt like the biggest sin on the planet but in the best way imaginable. It was insatiable - I felt like I was transcending.

I moaned and squeaked and grunted and huffed while he worked his way around my middle anatomy like he was the one that designed it. I was on another planet. Or in heaven. I couldn’t decide which one, but it was perfect and I was on a ridiculous high.

“Shake your arse a bit,” he said in a deep voice, and his warm breath against my clit made me even more wet. It vibrated through me like a subway train next to a poorly constructed building.

“Fuck me,” I whispered, but I did as he said.

I knew what he meant when he said shake your arse. He meant drop my cunt on his face, so that’s what I did. Over and over again I basically twerked over him while he caressed my bum and ate me out. It sounded comical put that way but I was thriving, and also somehow writhing.

Harry made it his mission to finish me off in this position. He ate and ate until I was trembling over him. I pulled his hair, at least what of it I could reach. I thought I was suffocating him at one point, but when I tried to pull away he didn’t let me move, he kept a vice-like grip on my arse and tried to shove his face further in.

I had to say I could admire a man who was committed to the cause.

I’d been massaging his length to keep it hard in the meantime so we wouldn’t have to lose any momentum when I reached my tether. He was softly grunting away, and every so often I heard that disgusting lapping noise that was an odd turn-on.

His nose was rubbing against my clit while his mouth did the real work, and eventually, I finally snapped. I yelled and grunted out over my orgasm, which washed through me like tides gushing through a cave.

He watched me as I came, his head tilted back at a funny angle, and his face covered in, well, me. He stroked the backs of my legs and gave the insides of my thighs gentle kisses while I waited for my orgasm to subside, but it took a while.

“I enjoyed that.” He commented wryly.

“So did I.” I joked, and moved away so he could sit up. “You’re not done.”

He shook his head as he looked at me over his shoulder. “No.”

I sat on my knees and rested my elbows against the bed, pecking his shoulder. “What do you want to do?”

He grinned. He rolled onto his front and smacked his messy mouth to mine. “Can I do you from behind?”

I smirked, and wiped my hand across his mouth. “Yes.”

He sighed happily and raised onto his knees, pulling at his length to keep it up. “Alright, move up the bed a bit, then.”

I did as he told me to and crawled up the bed slightly, resting my arms on my pillows. He stroked his hands over my arse and up my back, then down my sides to my hips.

Harry guided his length back into my heat and immediately started thrusting. I was still sensitive and couldn’t help the little squeak I gave, but it still felt good. Really good.

I swapped between hanging my head low and looking at him over my shoulder, but every time I did he was looking down at where his knob was moving in and out of me. He was obviously trying to finish, but I didn’t mind so much.

He smacked my bum again a couple of times and I moaned with each of them which always seemed to spur him on a little bit.

After a while he fell forward, wrapping his arms around my middle. He pulled me up so we were both on our knees, and he was kneading my breasts and leaving sloppy kisses along my shoulder.

I took one of his hands and wrapped my mouth around his fingers, licking around them and sucking on them. He took them out of my mouth and moved his hand down to my centre to play with my clit.

I lifted my hand back to his hair as gentle illicit moans left my lips. I brought his mouth to mine, pairing my kisses with massaging his head.

“Estoy enamorada de ti.” I am besotted with you, I whispered to him.

“Tell me,” He pleaded.

I smiled and kissed him again, deeper this time. “No. It’s a secret.”

He whined but continued with our deep kiss, his thrusting becoming harder and his other hand moving up to rest at my throat. “Do you mind this?”

“Nope.”

He got greedy again, his kisses wide and wanton as he applied a slight pressure to my throat. I moaned, and so did he, and it became very hot very quickly. The energy around us changed; it became charged and electric.

“You’re close.” I deduced.

“So close.” He admitted. “I want to finish in your mouth.”

I salivated at the thought of it. All I could do was nod.

Harry released all grip on me and I very quickly turned around. I sank as low as I possibly could and took his length in my hand, then I took it in my mouth. I held onto him at the tops of his thighs while he stroked over my hair and gripped my messy bun into his fist.

I sucked him off for the shortest moment just to hear the little noises that he made - soft grunts and whines. Then I took as much of him in my mouth as I possibly could until it made me gag.

He jolted and his face contorted, and his grip on my hair became painful. My eyes were watering and I gagged again, so I pulled back a little and he finally came.

Spurts of warmth filled my mouth, and while he worked his way through his orgasm, I smoothed my hands up and down his sides. When he stopped coming, I took him out of my mouth and swallowed the load.

Harry stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers, and then collapsed onto his back. He pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around my middle, and he pressed a chaste kiss to my forehead.

My stomach growled. “Oh fuck, we haven’t eaten.”

There was a moment of silence before Harry spoke. “I don’t know what you mean, I ate loads.”

“Oh,” I smacked his arm and he laughed, “shut up.”

Chapters fifteen, sixteen & seventeen

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles writing #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst

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ak47stylegirl · 1 year ago

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Origins

Another instalment of the superhero Alan au, and this one as the name suggests gives you a little insight into Alan’s/Phoenix’s past. I hope you guys enjoy! (Hey @janetm74 @dragonoffantasyandreality @gumnut-logic @katblu42 @cg29 I posted fic!!! XD)

———

Let's start at the beginning, shall we? Long ago there was a devastating avalanche, that left a family without their mother-

Okay, that’s too far! Way too far back, we all know that story. Jeff Tracy loses his wife, the Tracy boys lose their mother and International Rescue is born. No, it all begins in a dorm room, belonging to Fermat and Alan Tracy...

It was the end of the first day of a new school semester, and the two boys were lazying around their room, unpacking or listening to music. Or at least Farmat was trying too.

Alan on the other hand was on a video call with his father.

It wasn’t going well…

“How could you have been so irresponsible!?!” Jeff exclaimed, his voice echoing around the tiny dorm room. “Filling your brother’s launch-shoot with glitter bombs!?”

Fermat flinched, so glad he wasn’t on the other end of that ‘mad dad’ stare.

“You're lucky no one got hurt! If Virgil hadn’t needed to do maintenance-“

Alan tried to get a word in “Dad, I swear, I didn’t do it-”

Jeff bulldozed over Alan, “If a real rescue had come in and we were delayed because of your prank, people could have died!”

Alan frowned, knowing he probably shouldn’t comment, it would be basically admitting guilt to something he didn’t do…but- “I don’t think a little delay would cause that much damage-?”

“This isn’t a joke Alan!” Jeff scolded, shaking his head. “I thought we were passed this…but unfortunately I was wrong; You’re off training until further notice…”

“What!!?” Alan gasped, eyes widening “But dad, I didn’t even do it!?”

“Then EXPLAIN to ME, WHY did your grandma find glitter bombs in YOUR Room while cleaning?” Jeff scowled, tapping his pen on his desk.

Alan stuttered for an answer, not knowing why those things were in his room. “I...I don’t know! maybe Gor-”

Jeff shook his head, “Enough of this, I heard en-…”

“But dad!-”

“I’m really disappointed in you, Alan-”

Alan growled, finally having enough of this bullshit. “I didn’t BLOODY Glitter bomb anything! Especially not a stupid launch shoot!” Alan stood up, huffing and puffing with burning anger and hurt. “Can’t you see that it was bloody Gorden?!”

“Your brother is many things but even he wouldn’t-”

“Oh, and I would?!” Alan had angry tears in his eyes, a sarcastic tone seeping into his voice as he mimicked his father, “Because I am so ‘immature’ right?!”

Jeff’s face was thunderous, “NOW Stop right there-”

“No! Why do you blame me for every fucking thing!?!” Alan had passed the point of reason or calm conversation. “I HaTE YOU!” Alan screamed, slamming his laptop shut in upset anger, cutting his father's rebuttal off.

Alan was sure he was in even more trouble for that childish act, but he was just so mad right now! Mad at his father, mad at his brothers. Just mad, and hurt. Why did his father always think the worst of him?

Alan began pacing back and forth across the dorm room.

And why would Gordon frame him? That hurt more than his father being unfairly mad at him or being taken off training...

(Little did Alan know that on the island at that very moment, Gordon had just burst into Jeff’s office, yelling ‘It was me! I pulled that prank! It wasn’t Alan, Dad! I was just hiding the bombs in his room! Be mad at me, not him!’)

He could feel Fermat’s eyes on him and now his computer was beeping- an incoming call-

Damn it, he needed out.

Now.

Alan stormed towards the door-

“A-Alan? Wh-what- Where…where are you going?” Fermat questioned, his concerned voice stopping Alan in his tracks.

“I...I need some fresh air...” Alan spoke tensely, hand gripping the door handle. “I’ll be back in a bit…”

“But-but C-cu-curfew is in five minutes!” Fermat warned anxiously, “You’ll get in trouble! Your father will be even more mad!”

Alan took a deep breath, his grip on the door handle becoming increasingly tight. He didn’t want to snap at Fermat, but he really couldn’t deal with this right now…

“Look Ferm, I just…I need a minute, okay?” Alan sighed softly, giving his friend a somewhat comforting smile. “I promise I’ll be back before you know it, okay?”

And with that, Alan ducked out of the room and out of sight. Little did Alan know he would break that promise, or that he would be abducted that night.

He didn’t know that Fermat would sit up all night, red and blue lighting up his dorm.

Nor that his brothers would search the whole school grounds and neighbourhood, only stopping when they could barely stand.

Ashes were being formed, and from ashes, a phoenix rises.

Fin.

#alan tracy #gordon tracy #jeff tracy #scott tracy #virgil tracy #john tracy #thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds 2015 #thunderbirds 2004 #superhero au #dc universe #crossover

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delvalentine · 2 years ago

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Wow, im so sorry to see that vile anon comment. They must be so unbelievably miserable and insecure to think that talking to another human being like that is okay. Like wow, imagine using the comment section of a random fanfic to vent out your frustrations with life and direct it towards the writer. Fuck that anon. Your fics are always bomb and i love them all, including the ones that are for fandoms I'm not even in lol. Your writing is always superb, and you as a person also seem like a very cool and kind person. So, despite not knowing you I will say i love you as much as a stranger can, and i wish you all the best. You're amazing

Thank you 🥹🫶🏼 my fave compliment ever is hearing that people sometimes read outside of their fandom bcs they trust in my writing so much 😭

and as much as I want to sympathize with this person for seemingly going through something so upsetting that they feel the need to purple prose ugly words to another person (on a Scaramouche Genshin Impact fic on AO3 like PLEASE get a life 💀) … seek therapy & healing, not anonymous abuse ??? Loser mentality fr. Must be exceedingly toxic for the person themselves if they can find the willpower to be so mean for no reason. I’m glad I’ve matured to the point where I’m disappointed but can move on easily; I can only imagine how devastating these words could be to somebody who was struggling with insecurity. Sometimes it’s really difficult to share your work online and this surely wouldn’t help.

Just goes to show that it could really be a matter of somebody’s mental health shattering if you don’t decide to just quietly exit out of a piece of creation you don’t like. You don’t have to like everything you read and you can even hate it, but it’s so easy to just exit the tab and move on. Words can really be so harmful to human lives. It’s never okay to talk to somebody in such an angry way, ESPECIALLY when it’s just for some silly fanfic that people create in good fun… super disappointing that people lack the maturity to behave, especially since they don’t even have the gall to come off of anon.

Sad world tbh … but anons like you remind me there are still decent people left in fandom space 😌

#chye chats

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tookishcombeferre · 28 days ago

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So, thematically, I totally understand why this scene had to happen. The writer in me is like … yes … I see where we’re going. We have to have the act of true heroic sacrifice that is a completely selfless act with nothing to gain in order for Roland to understand that there is no longer a manipulative bone left in this man’s body.

However, the human in me, that is not the purely analytical writer, HATES this scene. And, I think we’re kind of meant to?

Like, we’re *meant* to be rooting for Cedric in this episode. We’ve spent the whole show seeing him as either completely the antagonist or sort of the anti-hero/anti-villain (a toddler/kids TV version of Loki so to speak.)

But, NOW? We’re supposed to root for him. We’re supposed to be on his side. And, since the show is meant for smalls, the stakes have to be *devastating.* They have to feel it.

And, if the smalls feel it, adults/ teens/ even older kid siblings (who likely have experienced that kind of abandonment for real and not just in fiction) REALLY feel it. Like, hard pressed to find anyone over like 13, maybe even over 10, who hasn’t felt completely rejected and abandoned at some point or other.

So, that scene just feels outright devastating to anyone 13+ because it hits into the “I have lived and experienced that feeling and I hated every minute of it.”

That said, I think there were a lot of feelings going through Cedric’s head when he chose to take the shot meant for Sofia.

1) I’m closer. I’m an adult. She is a child. I still care about her even if she thinks I stole the crown for this woman I don’t know. Also, who is this person and how does Sofia know her? What is going on in this Kingdom?

2) My saftey doesn’t matter to anyone anyway. So, it’s silly to justify this.

3) No matter what I do it probably won’t change anything.

I think the biggest shock was when they actually cared that he was alive after climbing out of the ravine. I don’t think he expected what he did to matter.

On the flip side of that, I think *his* apathy, and comments about being sent back to the dungeon after crawling out of the ravine, probably shook both Sofia and Roland up a little.

Like, they’re looking at this and are like “Dude, you just saved her/my life, what are you talking about? You’re joking right? You’re such a kidder. Haha …”

And, there was probably this beat where they look at each other, and are like “Oh, wait, he’s serious. He really doesn’t think what he did matters.”

Because, Cedric has been to the dungeon. He’s been in that prison. He knows what that means. He’s saved them before and then still been placed in metaphorical exile. He sees this situation as the same as the one before except worse. Sofia and Roland now see who actually stole the crown. They understand. But, Cedric? Cedric’s still caught up in trying to figure out how this was different from the way they saw him after Day of the Sorcerers. He’s likely confused and reeling. (Not to mention probably injured and in physical pain.)

So, like, the burden of building/rebuilding trust is now on Roland/ the Royal Family. They hurt him. They hurt him before too. And, they keep doing it. Cedric has been nothing but trying to prove himself since the take over despite rejection. This? This was the ultimate rejection. The burden of showing love and building trust is on them now.

So, I think, there’s a moment for everyone to think about the importance of our actions. The importance of giving people the benefit of the doubt once they’ve proven themselves. Especially if we’ve promised to do so. We need to consider the importance of thinking about our words before we say them. Like, that’s kind of the message for the youngsters. But, we all need to think about it.

Can you guys imagine how beyond alone and devastated Cedric felt in 'In Cedric We Trust' after Roland and Sofia saw him holding the stolen crown he'd managed to get back from the backstabbing Wormwood just before they caught up, when they both thought that was proof he really was the mastermind behind the theft? And then Roland told him it was to the dungeon with him?

He seemingly lost his very last chance to gain back his old friend’s trust, right after suddenly losing the one who he’d thought had also been his friend for so long.

It surely left him feeling purely numb, hollow, carved open with a rusty knife and his heart ripped out. Like his life was really over this time, absolutely nothing in the world left for him... even more than when he’d betrayed Sofia and was cast into the dungeon in 'Day of the Sorcerers' (at least he’d still had Wormwood then).

Especially because Sofia- his only friend left, who'd resolutely supported and believed in him from the very beginning- thought she was wrong about him. He must have thought he lost her too.

And then Roland took away his family wand too.

@sweetmariihs2 @majoresca @cedric-my-beloved @mushroomsie224 @moonypears-blog

@tookishcombeferre

#sofia the first #cedric the sorcerer #cedric the great #cedric the sensational #character post #character analysis #in cedric we trust #roland ii #pip does life

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lowercases-and-capitals-blog · 2 years ago

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In a punctual way of speaking, good-by.

After you left that night, I felt sad. The next day I went to New York City and I wished you were there with me the entire time. That day wasn’t the first time I’ve felt like I wished you were right by my side. I have embarrassed myself in so many ways with you. You unblocked my number twice that day and I sent you a song and I think I also called you a dingus. My texts are no longer going through to you so I’m assuming our mutual friend told you that I knew you kept unblocking and reblocking my number. I sent you a lot of songs that made me think of you but instead of reaching out I just started making a playlist. When I was in the city, I walked by your old job randomly.

I actually saw you a couple of days later. That was the first time I had seen you since the night you said I “wasn’t talking to you”. I went into the bar to read my book and you were there. I did ignore you then because I wanted to be left alone and I figured you probably wanted to, too. You left and said “take care”. The next day, I saw you again. I walked right up to you to try and make sure I didn’t make you feel as though I was ignoring you again. We talked for a little while and it was nice. The next day I met your new friend and she and I spoke about the unwanted advances to her that you were making.

The following day was 4/20 and I told you a riddle that you said you didn’t care about but wouldn’t give up on. Eventually you got it.

The following day, I went out and was talking to a mutual friend of ours and I didn’t say anything to you. You made a very mean and unnecessary comment on the way out of the door which was the moment I decided to no longer involve you in my life. The next night was goth night, and I had a feeling you would be there. When I walked in, there you were, with none other than your new friend. You commented about me bringing my book into the bar and my immediate reaction was to share with you that I never wanted to hear from you again. You have obliged, mostly.

I don’t remember when or if I saw you after that until the following weekend. I saw you at the show that Friday night and unfortunately by chance timing ran into you on my way out of the bathroom. On Saturday, I saw you again and happened to overhear you telling the story of our failed relationship to your new friend. You slid a beer down the bar to me for some reason. I went outside to ask you once more to leave me alone forever and we ended up getting into an argument. You screamed at me repeatedly and hurt me very badly that night. I left of course. I don’t think I saw you since then until the following week.

I went into the bar to sit and read. You were there with a mutual friend of ours. I could once again overhear you saying horrible things about me but the one that really stuck with me was when you called me a “frumpy bitch”. That was lovely. The next day I chose to borrow a friend’s phone to send you one final message and ask you to leave me alone forever. You mostly obliged.

I caught you staring at me one night last week from across the room and when I made eye contact with you, your facial expression burned into my brain. You looked somewhere between angry and devastated. It made me miss you and want to hug you but I have to be strong. You are not someone I can have in my life. We tried, it didn’t work. I saw you last Monday randomly. You sat two seats down from me at the bar and I ignored you as much as I could. You asked the person sitting in between us, “you know my friend Kate?”

We had actually just met. You said something about Tyson and I said something about how stinking cute and good he is. I really wish I could transport myself back to laying on your couch with my head on your lap and Tyson snuggle bugging us after you made the only pancakes I think I’ve ever even liked. I hate pancakes but I loved sharing them with you. I don’t like black coffee but the cup you made me the next morning was the only cup of coffee I could ever remember having in my life. I drink it every day but none of it matters to me besides that one cup because I got to drink it next to you in your bed.

You grabbed my waist on your way out and said goodbye. Then you grabbed it again and said thank you.

I saw you a couple of days later but ignored you. You seemed like you were in a good mood which I’m glad for. I was in a good mood too.

Then most recently, I saw you this past Saturday. It was goth night again and I was playing cribbage with a friend. You taught me how to play cribbage. I was having fun and spinning my beer on the bar and I noticed you doing it too, but I am still not comfortable acknowledging you. You walked up to our cribbage game and asked if he was winning. He was but not by that much, and I accidentally said “fuck you” but I didn’t mean it this time the way I meant it the first time I said that to you. Honestly I regret both. I said it for the first time and meant it (in the moment) the night after we got into an argument outside of the bar.

This blog is for accountability- recognizing and acknowledging my true feelings for you. This title of this entry is a line from The Sirens Of Titan, my first Vonnegut. I didn’t know he was your favorite author until you told me. I think he is my favorite author too. Relatable melancholy.

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crazycookiecrumbles · 3 years ago

Text

Rise, Puppet

Masterlist

A/N: I’M SO DEVASTATED — SEASON 4 SPOILERS

also reblogs and comments appreciated. especially comments, like, i need feedback to live and to motivate lmao

Pairings/Characters: Eddie Munson x Reader

Warnings: depictions of violence, mentions of death, swearing, crack fic, happy ending

Summary: After losing Eddie in the Upside Down, you’ve discovered a much more aggressive side to yourself that likes to fight. Hopefully, that’ll come in handy when you go back to defeat Vecna. Again.

The anger you had felt was burning you from the inside out. You wanted to scream. You wanted to put your fist through drywall, hell, you wanted to grab Dustin by his shoulders and throw him out the window, but you couldn’t do that.

You were with the usual suspects, the unknown heroes of Hawkins who were preparing to go to the Upside Down once and for all to end Vecna, a final battle that was sure to suffer numerous fatalities. Your friends were planning on going without you, given that the last time you were involved with this mess, you went a little crazy afterwards.

“And that’s why you can’t go! Because you lose your shit more than everyone, and that’s saying a lot. Look how fucking crazy these people are. Hopper was in fucking Russia for Christ’s sake!” Dustin shouted at you.

You shook your head as you paced back and forth like a caged feline trying desperately to break free and hunt her prey. You stopped short and turned to Dustin quickly, striding so fast and getting so close that he thought you really were going to grab him by his jacket and throw him somewhere. Instead, you held your fists up and took a deep breath before biting the knuckles on your right hand before shoving them into your pockets, “I did not.”

“You beat the fuck out of Andy on his front yard,” Dustin shouted at you. “That’s crazy!”

You threw your hands in the air, “I heard he tackled an 11-year-old girl! Who the fuck does that? And you can’t tell me that wasn’t him being racist as shit. I mean, half this town —“

“Y/N,” Steve began as he stepped closer to you and in front of Dustin to relieve some of the pressure and anger off of him. “Look, you’ve been doing this since the beginning, I get it, but this time…someone should stay back, you know, say what happened, tell our story.”

You stared at Steve for a moment before snorting, “You’re full of shit.”

“Am not!”

“Tell your story? What, like some woman in waiting? I’m not going to go psycho —“

“You heard Eddie died and went absolutely postal on Andy because he’s the only one left out of that weird little hate gang they made. I don’t think you should go down there,” Dustin explained.

“And you should?” You laughed, “You’re just as bad as me —“

“Eddie knows I totally loved him. You never told him,” Dustin replied.

Your mouth fell open. Okay. Maybe Dustin did have a point. You never admitted you had a crush on your dungeon master, but how could you? It was impractical! It was your senior year (first time for you, countless for Eddie), you were finally feeling like you had a gang to belong to, even though most of them happened to be freshman. You were having fun enjoying life, and you fell in love with the most unexpected person you could have ever imagined.

And, of course, you never told him. When could you?

First of all, if he didn’t return those feelings, you couldn’t return to Hellfire Club, it would be too much. Secondly, what if he started to favor you in the group because he did return those feelings? It would be unfair to the game! Thirdly, you couldn’t tell him before you guys went after Vecna! He would be distracted. You didn’t want him distracted, because you didn’t want to lose him.

Well, look how that turned out.

“I want her there,” Hopper chimed in, surprising several people there. “What? A few of you are staying back with Max and El while she goes into her mind, the more we have down there, the better. I want someone with that much rage on my team.”

You nodded, “Thanks, Chief—Hopper.”

He nodded and looked around, grabbing a machete off of the table and handing it to you, “You can handle that, can’t you?”

“Actually,” you cleared your throat and went to the front door of the cabin where you had abandoned your duffel bag. You brought it over and dropped it on the coffee table after opening it up. Reaching in, you brought out a bow and held it up confidently, “I’ve been practicing.”

~*~

Dustin was so upset you were there. Like Steve and Eddie, he had grown attached to you too since the day you actually acknowledged his presence when you and Nancy were in her room studying and he interrupted asking if you guys wanted leftover pizza. You cooed that he looked adorable and squishable while Nancy stayed focused on her phone conversation and threw her shoe to shut the door in his face.

Needless to say, you and Nancy had different priorities around that time, and while she was straying away from the kids, you found that you were putting yourself in their business more because they actually acknowledged your existence when you were around.

So, Dustin didn’t want you here. He lost Eddie, Steve was here, he didn’t want to lose you too, another member of his trifecta of teens that he dubbed as being his older siblings and role models that he looked up to, but never said as much to. Being in the Upside Down again, it was a lot for him, more than he expected it to be, and he couldn’t help but think about Eddie’s final moments. Dustin looked up to you to see how you were doing.

You were ready to fight since you had gotten down there. You had a quiver resting against your leg filled with arrows you had soaked in gasoline so you could light them on fire. There was also the machete strapped to your belt on your other side that received a gasoline shower and was ready to be ignited at any moment. You looked like you were ready for war, and, well, this is, essentially, what it was. You guys were walking into a war that you were likely all going to lose and die, and here you were, still going.

You stopped walking with the group when you heard a noise. You turned your head halfway to glance behind you quickly, but you could see nothing. Turning your head forward, you quickly caught up to the group, and realized you were passing by the trailer park.

You found yourself stopping to stare at Eddie’s trailer. You remembered the many times you had been there. It was raining, you had no car, and Eddie’s place was close to the school, so the two of you went to his trailer to seek shelter and you made a true delicacy for the two of you: buttered noodles.

He loved your buttered noodles, said there was something extra special about the way you made them. Honestly, it was probably the cholesterol talking.

Then, there was the time he wanted to help you get better with your fighting techniques in the campaign, so he basically tutored you in how to fight in Dungeons and Dragons on his own free time. He accepted payment in the form of, naturally, buttered noodles and other food and treats you’d bring for him.

Eddie was seen as the scary outcast at school, but he was so sweet. He had such a big heart. He was silly, and goofy, and so very misunderstood by everyone who didn’t have the privilege to know him. While he did partake in a few extracurricular activities that were far from legal, he always respected your level of comfort around drugs. So, sometimes, it was you, sober Eddie, and your favorite slasher movie of the week until one of the kids came along, banging on the trailer door, wanting to hang out.

You sucked in a breathe and shook your head, reminding yourself that you were there on a mission. You looked over to the group and saw that they were also stopped and looking around, like they had seen something you thought you sensed earlier. Sighing to yourself, you made your way over to them only to see the bats flying above like a bad omen.

“Everyone take cover!” Steve shouted.

Everyone split for cover to hide from the bats looming overhead. You and Dustin were closer to a few busted up cars, and you went and hid in them. As you were watching the strange flight pattern of the bats above you before they flew away into the distance, Dustin was sitting in the front seat of another car and staring in the direction of where he had found Eddie the last time he was there.

Suddenly, the door to the car he was in had been yanked open, and Dustin was yanked out of the car by his jacket. He fell to the ground in a heap and screamed as he felt himself be dragged across the ground. You quickly threw open your own door and ran around the car to Dustin.

Dragging him was a figure in armor the color of gunmetal with gold accents and trim. He wore a headpiece that resembled a dragon’s head, from what you could tell from behind, at least, a massive shield bearing a dragon, and a long broadsword that looked as menacing as the rest of him did. You were not prepared to fight someone in full armor like this, not at all, but Dustin needed you.

You ran forward and jumped in the air, hoping a dropkick to his back would, at least, knock him over. It didn’t, but it definitely made him stumble and let go of Dustin to address the other threat, you. The man turned slightly and bashed his shield against you with such force that it knocked you off your feet the second you were up and left you flat on the ground.

“Get help,” you wheezed as you rolled to the side and narrowly dodged the blade coming down at you.

“I won’t leave you!” Dustin shouted as he used his spear to try to pierce the man’s armor from behind, only for it to break into pieces in his arms.

The armored man turned again to Dustin and used the shield to block Dustin’s next swing with the broken spear, breaking it once again and leaving him with nothing but a stub to use. Dustin’s eyes widened in horror as he looked up at the man whose face couldn’t even be seen under the dark shadows the helmet produced.

“Run, Dustin, run!” You shouted as you stood up, a flaming arrow aimed at the man’s back.

Dustin took off running to get the rest of the gang, and you fired off arrows as you walked backwards. With every arrow that hit him, it bounced off of his armor and did nothing but fall to the ground. He used his shield to block them, and when he was close enough ,he raised his blade and swung. You tried to block it with your bow, only for his sword to slice the bow right down the middle.

With the bow now broken in two, you jumped back and tossed the halves aside before reaching for your machete. You brought it up quickly to deflect one of his swings. At this point, you were just desperately trying to bat off everything he threw at you. You weren’t nearly as concerned with trying to land a blow as you were with trying not to suffer one.

He swiped at your midsection, causing you to lean forward as your hips jutted out behind you to miss the blade. He took advantage of this and slammed your side with the shield twice, the first time to hurt you, the second time to knock you over. While you were on the ground he raised his blade to slice you in half. Now you were desperate. You weren’t sure if the machete could take another hit and block the blade. Honestly, you were surprised that it even held up as long as it did.

You chucked the machete at his head. It hit the tip of the dragon’s mouth on the helmet he wore, and it sent it tumbling down his backside.

The face that you saw under that helmet took your breath away. Your eyes widened, your heart stopped, you swore you lost control of your bowels as you looked up into the darkened eyes of Eddie Munson.

“Eddie, wait!” You screamed and put your hands in front of you to protect yourself. His blade came within an inch of your hands as he was frozen in his place, staring at you, a conflicted look in his eyes as he hovered above you, ready to deliver the swing of death at any moment.

Scrambling, you tore off your hat and tossed it to the side. You quickly wiped the warpaint off of your face as you scooted backwards from him, stopping only when the blade went into the ground right beside your head in a threatening manner. You swallowed the lump in your throat as tears burned your eyes and you gazed at the man you were helplessly in love with. “Eddie, Eddie, wait, it’s me, it’s Y/N. You remember me, right, Eddie? Please.”

~*~

Seeing how close you were to getting your head chopped off, Hopper stopped everyone from moving forward for fear of pushing this man to finish the job, much to Dustin’s dismay. However, when everyone got a closer look at who it was that you were fighting, well, Robin’s hands came up to cover her mouth while Dustin felt tears prick his eyes.

“Is that —“

Nancy’s question was interrupted by Dustin’s revelation.

“Eddie the Banished,” Dustin breathed. “Eddie’s Kas. Eddie is Kas. Eddie is Kas!”

“Okay, dickhead, who the fuck is Kas?" Steve shouted.

“Kas the Betrayer! The key to stopping Vecna!”

~*~

“Please, Eddie, please. Don’t hurt me, you know me. You know me, right? Y/N, the buttered noodles?” You shouted all in one breath as you felt you were at his mercy beneath him. “Please, Eddie, I love you. Whatever this is, just snap out of it, please! Come back to us Eddie, come back to me!”

Eddie’s gaze softened. He blinked a few times as the darkness bled away from his eyes, instead replaced by the familiar glimmer you were so used to seeing. A smirk formed on his lips as he gazed down at you, “So, a fella’s just gotta die and become a puppet to get a girl to admit that she’s head over heels, madly in love with him, huh?”

You blinked, “What the fuck?”

Eddie planted the shield in the ground and extended his arm to you. When you grabbed it, he yanked you up with so much strength that you were surprised when you were upright and stumbling into his chest. Your hands came upon his shoulders before they moved up and cupped his face, hands cradling his cheeks as you held his head still and really, truly studied him.

Tears fell from your eyes as you stared into his. Your voice cracked after you sniffled and tried to calm down, “Eddie? Oh, fuck, if this is Vecna, just do it —“

“No, no, no, no, it’s me, it’s me,” Eddie said quickly, his hands bracing against your back and holding you close to him. “I’m sorry. It just feels like I’ve been down here for so long, I, I wasn’t thinking. I’ve, I’ve been alone for so long, and all these voices, man, they —“

“What are you talking about?” You blurted out. “God, Eddie, how are you even alive?”

“Pfft, no thanks to that guy,” He muttered. “I uh, I think I was gone. Then I, I heard a voice asking if I wanted to live, and, well, duh, of course I do.”

“Then what,” you pressed.

“It said, ‘rise, puppet, and follow your new master.’” Eddie shook his head as the memory haunted him. “I don’t know how long it’s been down here since that happened. I, I can barely remember the things I’ve done, but, but not too long ago this other voice started telling me to rise again, to betray my master —“

“Vecna?”You questioned, watching him nod hesitantly. “Okay. And then?”

“And then I tried killing you and Dustin until you knocked my helmet off, and I finally could see you….and you said you loved me, Y/N. You love me? Really? Me, of all people?”

You choked on a laugh as you grabbed his shoulders and shook him, “Yes, you of all people! God, Eddie Munson, you’re so…”

“What? Stupid?” Eddie asked. “A total pussy for following the bad guy because he wanted to live?”

“Brave,” you smiled. “Eddie, you are a hero. You’re my hero. C’mere.”

Eddie the Banished was absolutely flushed when you pressed your lips against his. Hell, the man squeaked in surprise and stood absolutely still, like if any movement from him would ruin this moment. He couldn’t believe it was actually happening.

Eddie was so head over heels for you that he couldn’t possibly say in words how deeply in love with you he was. When he was dying, all he could think about was all the things you’d never done together, how he never told you how he felt, how he dreamed about ending campaign sessions early to kick those little sheep out and spend all night with you, whether that involved kissing, sex, or just listening to music together.

Eddie had it bad for you, so much so, he really couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Oh, I must be dead,” Eddie murmured when you pulled away, “Because this is only the stuff of my dreams.”

“You dream of dying, coming back to life, nearly killing me, and then me kissing you?”

“On particularly freaky nights, yes,” he joked, a goofy grin plastering itself on his face.

You sighed and wrapped your arms around him tightly, burying your face in the crook of his neck as you two held each other while the rest of your misfit crew began to make their way over to you, screaming his name and shouting questions that would need to be answered again and again.

#eddie munson #the upside down #eddie munson x reader #stranger things #stranger things fic #stranger things 4 #eddie munson fic #joseph quinn #joseph quinn fic #joseph quinn x reader #dustin henderson #steve harrington #jim hopper #eleven #jane hopper #max mayfield

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