#no pressure whatsoever if you don't feel like doing stuff

[complicitsacrilege]

9 people you'd like to know better

Thanks for the tag @argyleheir 💖

Last song:

Currently watching: Not watching anything atm, but I've been playing Hades a lot recently!

Currently reading: The Phantom's Pet: A Monster Romance by Kassandra Cross (just finished and I don't recommend. I read another thing by this author and it was a lot but I wanted to give the author another go... yeah... I uhh... I don't judge reading or writing tastes but I think I need some brain bleach tbh), and the brain bleach books are: Capturing the Roman by Layla Cole, An Inheritance of Monsters by Cate Corvin, and The Savior's Book Cafe: Story in Another World by Kyouka Izumi (I'm on vol 3/5 and it's cute so far!)

Current obsession: uhhhh gay vampires. it's always gonna be gay vampires. But other than that, teaching myself violin (I played for a few months like 10 or so years ago, but I've picked it back up and I'm teaching myself!)

Tagging (no pressure if y'all don't want to do it!) @isabellehemlock @pinkestpigglet @coffeeworldsasaki @dark-gift @artandhijinks @bondilluns @teethingpains @translouisdpdl and anyone who wants to do a thing!

[hencheri]

wayv toxic traits?

ngl i didn't come up with all of this by myself, but i love this very much ><

18+. mdni.

warning: mention & description of toxic relationships.

.

kun he guilt trips you a lot. after an argument or a fight, he straight up ignores you and you start doubting yourself, if you weren't a little too harsh with him. you feel so guilty that you're the one apologizing when maybe it shouldn't be the case. he never says sorry and you don't even notice it, always feeling bad when in reality, you did nothing wrong.

ten he's very possessive and doesn't let you have any privacy. he makes you believe that his behaviour is totally normal, and when you refuse him, he makes it seem like you hate him. he also embarrasses you in front of people, pointing out insecurities or making fun of you just to humiliate you.

winwin he loves bomb you constantly. he acts like he's very into you and wants to be with you, saying what you want to hear to keep you on the hook. when you ask what you are, he immediately friend zones you and he shows no hesitance whatsoever. but as soon as he feels you going away, he acts like he loves you again in order to continue using you when he wants.

xiaojun he really has a short temper. he gets angry for the littlest things and goes off on you for stuff that doesn't make sense. he's very jealous and doesn't trust you, causing him to go through your phone without your knowledge, finding wrong in every relationship you share that doesn't involve him. a few insults are thrown at you if you dare to not agree with him.

hendery he pressures you a lot into doing things you don't necessarily want to do. primarily sexual stuff, and as someone with a lot of experience, he's not shy to initiate and take the lead, but most of the time you're not really up to it. he rarely takes no for an answer, too, taking what he wants from you because as his girlfriend he believes he has every right on you.

yangyang he thinks he's always right, never admits his wrong doings and totally dismisses them. if you try to argue, he bursts out and refuses to listen to you. he can be judgemental toward you a lot, telling you every little thing that you do incorrectly, probably also telling you how much one habit of yours annoys him, or how your way of doing this certain thing is stupid.

[wizzdot]

The Patron Saint of One Way Trips

Ch10

Description: Well Well Well, what have we got here... interesting developments in this chapter.... 🤌🏼

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

We made it back to base slightly after lunch time. I felt well rested thanks to my short sleep in the back of the car. "Should we put away all of your new things?" Gaz asks me, him and the Captain carrying several bags each through the halls. Before I have chance to think, I nod my head and lead them to my room. I open the door for them to bring the bags in, Gaz walks in with a big smile on his face. John hesitates at the door. "As much as I'd love to help, I've got a few calls to make. Oh, and Y/N.. the medics want to see you today so we can give you the all clear to start training with us.. Gaz will accompany you if you wish".

I try to cover the nerves and fear "Yes, Captain" I reply obediently - "John will do, Y/N, any problems, Kyle will help - or, call or text any of us on that phone of yours.. I'll see you both later." I nod and wave at him as he leaves, thanking him for the shopping trip.

*John's POV*

I have to stop when she invites me into her room. The scent is stronger in here. Still faint, but more concentrated. Kyle walks in, grinning ear to ear. Of course he does, he has already admitted to me that he likes her. There certainly is something about her that pulls the Alpha side of me towards her. I don't usually have to stop myself from displaying typical Alpha behaviour, but with her, it's as if I'm constantly trying to keep a lid on my instincts.

I turn away with a smile. She thanked me for the trip and she looked much happier. That made me happy. I didn't have any calls to make. That was just an excuse because I didn't think I should go into her private room at this stage.. I decide to go and get Johnny, I'll take Simon to the gym - help him blow off some steam.

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

Kyle and I sit down on the ground and start unpacking my bags. We giggle and play with the 'Gaz-bear' as he keeps calling it.. I roll my eyes every time he says it. After only about five minutes, there is a chap on the door. "Lass? Cap said you needed help..". Johnny. I glance to Kyle who immediately whispers to me "Are you okay with him coming inside?" I nod, I'd warmed up to the chattery, touchy man. "Come in, Johnny.." Kyle shouts on my behalf. Johnny is in the room before Kyle even finishes his sentence.

He reeks, of his own scent, but also of something muskier and spicier. Ghost. He smelled of Leather, gunpowder, cigarettes with undertones of Amber and burnt wood. It wasn't unpleasant whatsoever. I try to ignore it.

Johnny shamelessly inhales, "Smells nice in here, Lass - buy some new girly perfumes?" - "n-no?" I reply, confused. "Where are your bed sheets? You cannae sleep without blankets?" - "Oh.. no I've - I've got them.. just" - "where'd you sleep then, hen?" He is relentless with his questions. Not in a pressuring way, but in a slightly hyperactive 'taking stock of the situation' way. He was very observant. His eyes zone in on the tiny corner of bed sheet sticking out from under the cupboard door. I follow his gaze and freeze.

"Tell me yer no' sleepin' in the cupboard, Lass? Were you scared or..?" - "I-I just feel safer in smaller spaces.." I stutter nervously. I notice that Kyle has gotten up and has moved closer to where I'm sitting on the floor. "Can I look inside?" Kyle asks. I look up at him, feeling even smaller from my seated position on the floor. I nod my head "gonna have to put some of my new stuff in there anyway so by all means, look" I shrug. It was just blankets after all.

Johnny slumps down on the floor, close enough that our knees are touching. Kyle stands and moves to the door. Just before he opens it, my stomach drops. "Wai-" He'd already opened the door. His hoodie and Johnny's borrowed clothes were up near the pillows, the scent was comforting so I'd organised it so that I was aware of the scent while I slept.

Kyle looks from the cupboard, to me and then to Johnny a few times. A smug smirk growing on his face. He dives back towards me, plucking my from the ground, wrapping his arms around me. I squeal as Kyle man-handles me but I must admit, I was enjoying being wrapped in his scent. "You silly girl, if you were wanting to nest, you should have said.." he laughs into my ear, still clutching me, legs dangling, not able to touch the floor.

"She's nesting?!" Johnny stands and peers into the cupboard. He stands staring for a good minute. I didn't think that was a nest. I was confused.. I only slept there because it was safer and darker.. How is that nesting?! "Fuck, she IS nesting!" Johnny declares excitedly. "Let's help make it better!!" He suggests. Kyle eventually puts me back on the ground and I'm already flustered but he makes me even more so when he gives me a quick peck on the cheek.

"Oi, stop hogging her all to yerself ya greedy pig, Gaz!" Soap shouts. I'm a little overwhelmed to be honest, but not in a bad way. Soap jokingly pushes Kyle away and moves into my space. He takes both of my hands in an unusually soft gesture, for him anyway..

"What else do you want from us for your nest, Lass?" - I blush, shaking my head "It-It's not a nest" - "aht's a nest if ever I've seen one, Laika.. your instincts are telling you to nest, I read all about it in the presentation books so a ken what I'm talking about, Lass" he says, tapping his head as if to point to his big brain.

I can't meet his eyes, I look to the ground, embarrassed. "I-I don't know much about that sort of thing... I never presented before"- "shush lass, you don't need to explain yerself" - "Yeah, Y/N, we want to help you.." Kyle interrupts.

"Awkt, you're so cute, Lass. Look at you, all flustered and blushin' because you let two Alpha's into your wee nest" Johnny gushes, bringing my chin up in his large hands, making me meet his gaze. "C'mon, let's all go and get lunch and then we can unpack all this new stuff. Yous can show me what you bought too?" Johnny offers. I find myself nodding, still staring into his rich blue eyes. It sounds stereotypical, but they really did look like a stormy sea - deep and dangerous, but beautiful..

They lead me away from the kitchen which I thought was strange. Kyle must have picked up on my hesitance because he softly takes my hand and explains "We are going to the mess hall, love. Lunch is always in the big shared hall, unless you want something special obviously, you can just use our kitchen" - "Aye - but tae be fair to the cooks, the mac and cheese is the bees knees in here and Jesus, the garlic bread, Laika - it's tae die for" he practically salivates at the thought. I giggle. Kyle squeezes my hand in encouragement, happy to hear me coming out of my shell.

Johnny pushes the left of the two double doors open and allows Gaz and I through. It's busy in here. There are loads of soldiers. Mainly Alphas but a few Beta's scattered around too. I follow the two Alphas toward the queue. Kyle hands me a tray. I feel a little overwhelmed and can feel eyes on me. I feel itchy and uncomfortable. Kyle and Johnny seem preoccupied with the food they are about to get and don't notice another Alpha walk behind me in the queue.

He isn't necessarily doing anything wrong, but he is standing far too close and staring creepily down at me. I shrink back, trying not to make eye-contact. The queue moves a step forward. I check how much longer we have and it's maybe only four others waiting to get served before Johnny and Kyle and then me. That's only a couple of minutes of waiting to get away from this creepy Alpha, who had now started breathing in my scent, or attempting to anyway. He furrows his brow when he can't pick up much of a scent. I can tell he is about to say something. I try not to whimper.

All of a sudden, a voice from over my shoulder scares the absolute shit out of me.

"PROBLEM, Rookie?" A gruff voice growls. I start to stutter a response, thinking they were talking to me, too scared to meet their eye. "N-no Sir.. Sorr" I start before I'm cut off.

"Not you Laika, MOVE!" the voice barks angrily. A rough grip drags me and pulls me around their own body and into the protection of Kyle and Johnny, who look equally as confused at the sudden drama. I whimper and look at whoever it was that the creepy Alpha had pissed off.

Ghost. It was Ghost..

"No Lieutenant, no problem, sir" - "Tell me then, WHY were you pissin' about trying to mark territory that ain't yours?" - "Sir - I didn't know, Sir... She has no scent sir" - "No scent? She reeks - don't fuckin' lie - now piss off. And if I see you near her or my pack again, you'll be in the fuckin' ground" Ghost rages.

I reek? I don't even have a scent.. what the fuck does he mean?!

Kyle and Johnny watch on with smirks on their faces. I am in between them wringing my hands and biting my nails, terrified that I was about to get in trouble.

"Fuckin' love it when he takes charge like that" Johnny mutters. My eyes widen and I blush heavily.

The Rookie scurries off, clearly terrified of the Luitennant - I don't blame him..

Ghost slowly turns, and looks between Kyle and Johnny, making a point to ignore me.

"If you two fuckin' idiots are going to bring her in here, smelling the way she does, you better keep a fuckin' eye on her because she fuckin' reeks.."

The two young Alpha's furrow their brows, confused.

"Simon, she hardly has a scent..." Kyle explains, moving my hair and sniffing my neck closely as if to confirm. The action makes me whimper and blush like a little girl with a crush. How embarrassing!

Ghost growls.

"Yeah Si, she only started giving off a faint scent this morning, the drugs are still in her system" Johnny explains.

The skull mask turns and leaves, muttering angrily under his breath that I couldn't hear.

I turn once he has left and look sadly up to Kyle and Johnny. "I-I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to cause an issue. I can go away if you want..?"

*Johnny's POV*

Interesting. Very very interesting. Simon says she reeks. Simon went into early rut. Simon lashed out at a rookie Alpha for standing too close. Was he even nearby or did he just smell her scent change if it's that strong for him? Hmmmm.

I think I have an idea...

I grab her hand and prevent her from spiraling into a depressive episode when she offers to leave. "No lass, you're staying right here with me and Kyle" I can't help but smirk. "Clever little lass riling Si up, huh? Maybe you do have a scent after all? Should we take you to the doctors after lunch and see what they think of you?"

Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

I whimper but nod. "Will you - will you both come with me?" - "Aye" - "Yes of course we will, love" they both respond.

I smile up at them.

"Thank you -..." I say but then stop myself, smiling instead.

I almost slipped up and said Alphas after thanking them.

What the FUCK was going on with me..?

[bonny-kookoo]

I've missed bad habits a couple so f-ing much omfg- :(( Do you think we could get a glimpse into how they're doing now? *of course, no pressure at all! <33*

I'll take any chance I can to write for them no joke

"Do you think she'll like me?" jungkook wonders as he makes your hot chocolate on the stove- with marshmallows, something you've said you're craving.

"You're her dad." You giggle, legs swinging a little as you sit at the small kitchen table. "Of course she'll love you." You reassure, while he stirs the pot of milking chocolate so they mix evenly.

"But what.. if we fight in the future?" He worries. "If she wants to, I don't know, go out clubbing at fourteen and I'll have to tell her she's not old enough-" He worries, taking the pot off the flame to pour it into a large cup for you.

"Then she'll forgive you." You softly say. "And also that's so far in the future. She's not even born yet!" You remind him as he puts a generous amount of tiny marshmallows before he puts the cup in front of your eagerly waiting form.

"But soon!" He whines as he sits down across from you. "Maybe tomorrow! Or tonight!" He complains, and you know he's stressing. You're not even close to your due date yet, but that doesn't reassure Jungkook whatsoever. The sight of you waddling around with your very visible baby bump is enough to make him feel stressed- constantly telling you to sit back down, that he'll get you stuff, that he'll do stuff for you instead.

He almost has a near heart attack when he saw you walk down the steps of the apartment building towards him as you'd sheepishly told him you wanted to go get some gummy candies while he was at work- unaware that he'd be coming home early.

Ever since then, he'd asked for time off, giving them the reason of your high risk pregnancy and the fact that you're up to no good the second he takes his eyes off of you.

"Jungkookie?" You ask, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Don't spoil her too much when she's born." You say, and his eyes widen in a dramatic expression of offense.

"What? But she's my princess!" He exclaims.

"I know, it's very visible from all the toys she already has in her room." You tease.

"Yeah well, she- I just want to.. you know.. have what she wants when she gets here.." he pouts to himself. "We can sort them out later.." he says, when your hand holds his, a smile on your face.

"Dont worry so much." You tell him, and he nods-

Though you know, he just can't help himself.

[lowkeyrobin]

hiii:)))

can i request a tmr minho x reader?? i think in the first movie its v obvious he’s gonna be in shape, he has to run everyday and is at v high expectation to do so, but when he gets caught by wckd and ends up in the safehaven, he doesnt have to, so he ultimately ends up a bit chubbier?? I love this hc sm and i was wondering if you could kind of turn it into a fic where its him being slightly “ashamed” of it but the reader is so happy bc he is less stressed and isn’t constantly getting injured from running and stuff?? (THIS FEELS SO RANDOM IM SRRY. Feel free to ignore it tho cause idk if this even makes sense💀💀)

hope your having a good day:)))

ooo yeah sure! ; and thank you! hope you are too 🫶 ; and thank you for requesting, hope you enjoy! ; also put this in hc form bc I physically couldn't make it a whole oneshot I'm sorry

MINHO ; pressure & positivity

summary ; once finally in the safe haven, Minho wasn't regularly pushing himself to death with having to run the maze. he'd become ashamed of his new body, but you're quick to assure him that you're happy and proud

warnings ; language, mentions of ED

word count ; 444

masterlist

the safe haven graced you all with regular food, a serious amount of rest compared to the mazes and in the scorch, and stability especially

minho wasn't used to that, nor was he used to the effects

he was practically jacked for a teen his age in the maze, having unreal expectations forced upon him

at 6am he woke up to run through the maze all day until dinner, around 6pm

12 hours of practically nonstop running created a slight eating disorder

he had to keep himself slim and thin, but also muscular and strong for all the possible reasonings he could think of

and he felt he had to keep it that way in the safe haven as well, for you, like he had some image to uphold for you

it was like you'd fall out of love if he gained a few pounds and lost a bit of muscle, which would've been healthier for him

he'd gained a few pounds, and took some weight, literally, off his shoulders with the sleeping in and regular, healthy, full meals

you'd told him before, if eating three meals instantly gains you multiple pounds, you needed it

but he smiled and nodded, not accepting your words deep down

he noticed day by day as his pants felt a little tighter around his waist and stomach, his shirts feeling a little tighter and looser in some spots

it got so bad that he was developing actual body dysmorphia

he felt "fat", like it was some dirty word, in all his clothes, he wouldn't change around you even if it was casual, you'd have to literally leave the room for him, he wouldn't take his shirt off in the water, he'd completely blow your meals and snacks off and lie that he wasn't hungry

but you got on his ass about it, quick

you knew body dysmorphia when you saw it

"minho. eat. you haven't eaten all day"

"i'm not-"

"yes you are! eat something, shank! and don't pull that "I need to keep weight off" shit out either."

silence filled that room uncomfortably quick

"just eat something"

he ate something.

later he pulled you aside and asked what you were on about

you explained that you noticed he was getting a little chubby, not that it was bad whatsoever, and that he didn't have to hide it or think that you'd hate him for it

there was no pressure to be as skinny as a stick and as strong as zeus in this household

you don't stand for unrealistic body standards

he wrapped you in a warm hug and a big apology

but you also apologized cause you felt bad for getting loud + not acting sooner

[johnslittlespoon]

okay listen feral bikerider gale/past catching up to him/etc etc etc anon here and can I just say. thank you. I’m not overly interested in the actual violence or gang-shit or whatever. when I first read about the bikerider au all I could think about was sons of anarchy (idk if you’ve watched it, but I watched three seasons with my dad and it’s all just. gang conflict after gang conflict after gang conflict with some romance sprinkled on top and that’s not. really my thing) and I was not into it. at all. then your yapping (affectionate) converted me. hearing that it won’t be all weapon smuggling and, idk, drugs or smth is actually so reassuring lol

and!!! obviously it’s your fic/au, I’m definitely not here to try to influence you in any way whatsoever!!! I’m super excited to read it no matter what because your writing is just. lovely. I check in pretty much every morning like I’m reading the papers lmao

doing something semi-stupid in your past feels like kind of on brand for everyone, even though it might not be illegal for most. and maybe it wasn’t illegal for Gale, either, bro I am not a very good writer, I’ll leave the plotting to someone else.

but I’ll always love the idea of Gale being a little feral. or a lot feral. like John getting hurt in a bikerider au tickles my brain the same way John punching a German guard in canon centric fics does. Nevermind the guard, I just need the fallout. the angsty fallout.

John and Gale coming back home, and Gale sitting him down in the bathroom to very, very carefully patch him up (and, listen, the other guys probably just roughed him up a little. he probably got away with minor bruises and some scrapes), and Gale being insanely worried that he has scared John. John on the other hand is worried for Gale, because what if it happens again? What if the police finds out? John being worried that he somehow messed up.

and, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t mind reading feral gale beating the shit out of people. It’s just not something I want to read a full fic of.

finally, because I just need to add this, too: Gale’s knuckles being split and bleeding and John so very carefully cleaning them up, pressing gentle kisses to the cuts when he has to scrape the dried blood up to get it properly clean. Gale not being sure what he did to deserve John, being so sweet and gentle and caring.

okay, over and out 🫡 sorry for not being that clear in the other ask, I blame. idk, sleep deprivation. and sorry for making this so long, idk what I’m on about half the time and my meds are doing shit to my brain. I love your blog and your writing just. makes my fucking days. I’d wait forever for the next chapter of dog coded Bucky ❤️

YIPPIEE more leaving!bikeriders au >:) hii i meant to get back to this SO long ago, feels like good timing now with the bikeriders theatre day approaching! i'm assuming you're the anon from this post <3

i have THOUGHTS. aka this got lengthy oops, shocker. a bit of plotting and then like 2k words of drabble below the cut lmfaoo

the proper drabble will be further down, but first of all, very big agree!! and relieved i'm not the only one who feels this way omg. i haven't watched SOA for this reason specifically– i just don't have much interest in the conflict/violence–heavy plot stuff (which is ironic considering i'm excited for the bikeriders movie, but i think it's pretty clear that's because of the lovely cast lol since i don't care for bikes/cars in the slightest oops). HONOURED that my yapping converted you tho LOL i swear if something is character focussed, it can make 99% of topics at least somewhat appealing!

and please don't worry omg i don't feel influenced/pressured etc, i loveee bouncing ideas and brainrot back and forth for my aus, it's sm fun and i love trying to incorporate things other people like/suggest when i can!! <3 but omg i will weep thank you so much wtf?? :'))

for sure; even the most stoic/'put together' characters surely have done some not very bright things in their lives. i'm toying with a couple backstories for gale to establish what might catch up to him or cause conflict, but i'm gonna wait to decide until i see the movie because i have a feeling i'll get some good inspo from benny's story!

honestly it's the part i'll have to put the most effort into really thinking out in terms of plot to make it flow naturally, because all the relationship focussed things kinda write themselves as i brainrot. but i'm 99% sure i'm gonna write the fic from john's pov because it'll keep a lot of gale a mystery to the readers as well, and therefore save me from having to flesh out certain things until necessary lmfaoo

and yeah!! it's not always the events themselves that hit the hardest– it's the fact that the character could be feral enough for them to happen in the first place, and it's the outcome/fallout that's most fun to write/read (to me).

feral gale is so fun to explore in general because of how different it is to most of what we're shown of him in mota, so it's like a challenge to keep him feeling in character while also picking out the little parts of him that could be pushed to be that way. and of course the classic whump of the one person gale cares about and tries so hard to protect getting hurt because of him? endless angst possibilities.

i dig what you said, about john 'just' being roughed up a little, because i think with whatever backstory i end up forming, it's not like the 'bad guys' are gonna be some mastermind criminals extorting gale for something life or death lol. it's probably gonna be a bunch of rough and tumble biker men with some long lasting beef between their clubs, hitting gale where they know it'll hurt the worst: a loved one.

i bet you anything (depending on how plotting goes LOL) that they don't actually even intend to mess john up to the extent they do; i bet john runs his mouth and makes some sorta escape attempt because as terrified as he is, all he can think about is how gale's gonna obviously track him down and he's more worried about what the guys are planning to do to gale when he shows up. in his naive mind, if he can get out and get to a phone or something, he can stop everything.

ofc the escape attempt is futile because it's one gangly college kid vs a couple of grown ass men, and john gets banged up in the process, seeing as being tackled to the ground with your wrists bound behind your back doesn't leave you with anything to protect your face from concrete with, and maybe then he gets a solid fist to the face to scare him out of pulling anymore shit (it sure works).

and just the act of taking john/putting him danger alone would have gale ready to wring these men out by their necks, but when he shows up and sees his baby bleeding? and he can't tell how bad he's hurt, from where he's lurking around the corner scoping out the situation? he'd see red and be pretty dang close to saying fuck it and going in there without a plan, but the fear of john getting hurt in the process would stop him, and he doesn't feel like going down for murder.

somehow he picks off the guys one by one with a generous amount of flying fists and y'know, maybe a bit of knife–work if necessary, idk, future plotting lol, and tells them they're good as dead if they pull anything like this again. that the club will be keeping an eye out for them, that they're a buncha cowards, and they can come talk to him face to face like men, next time. you get it.

and then finally, obligatory wound care ofc <3 easily top three tropes ever ugh. gale gets john the fuck out of there and to the safety of his truck, methodical and vigilant, and only then does his guarded expression drop, and his hands are shaking just as hard as john's are when he cups john's face in his hands to look him over. john gives him a shell–shocked "'m fine, gale" and hates how guilty gale looks, because there's not even the tiniest part of john that blames gale for any of it; john knew what he was getting into (to an extent) with gale.

but regardless, gale's shaken up, terrified by how much worse things could've gone and how much danger john could've been in, but also terrified of how deeply he feels for john; probably some backstory there about gale seeing someone he loved get hurt, or almost get hurt, swearing he'd never bring someone into his life again because of it, etc, and then in waltzes stubborn, loud–mouthed john egan.

but selfishly (or what he feels is selfish), gale's also terrified that this might be the final nail in the coffin for john. he knows he's not the easiest to be with (even though john thinks the exact same thing about himself lol silly boys) and he knows john's more patient than he deserves, and could find someone his own age with a normal life in a heartbeat with his sweet disposition and charming pretty boy looks. and he knows john's well within his rights to walk away from their relationship now, to be scared of the future, to decide it's too much, and part of gale would be relieved to not have to worry, even if he'd miss john like he's lost half of himself.

it's real quiet when they're back home and john's sitting on the bathroom counter, gale between his legs, patching up his face so so gently, as if each brush of a cotton swab is an apology. both of them have lots to say but neither know how to say it; john hates knowing gale's probably shouldering all the blame and he doesn't know how to reassure him in a way that'll get through to him, but he can't handle the silence. probably makes a weak joke about how "y'shoulda seen the other guy" and doesn't even get a smile out of gale.

ends up wrapping his legs around gale's hips to pull him closer but just gets a huffed out, frustrated "john" as gale swats his ankles away, and it's not that john's trying to make light of what happened, he just doesn't know how to talk about something like that, regardless of how good he and gale have gotten at communicating.

john probably gets a bit frustrated, because gale’s already so protective over him as is, which he likes, but now gale’s treating him like glass, like he’s scared to hurt him further just by touching him, and john does not like that. it feels like progress undone, like he's back at the beginning of their relationship when gale wouldn't let him in or open up to him or trust that he was capable of making his own decisions.

so when gale's done bandaging him up with practiced, meticulous hands, john doesn't give gale time to react, just slides off the counter and snatches the little first aid kit from his hands and says "okay, your turn." and it's obvious gale wants to protest, but john catches him so off guard that he stunned into silence, lets john guide him until he's leaning against the counter.

john's hands still tremble when he takes gale's hands in his, and he tries to steady them because he doesn't want gale to see how freaked out he is, but he diligently cleans away the blood around his knuckles, feeling gale's eyes on him the whole time but not looking away from his task, scared he'll shatter the moment if he does.

if he were to look up though, he'd see gale's watching him in complete awe, struck by the fiercest wave of adoration, drawing a blank while he tries to search for what he could've possibly done in this life or another to have someone like john come (crashing, stumbling, tornado–ing) into his life.

and if we wanna make it extra yowch–y and sappy and feelings heavy: as john's brushing his lips over the cuts, dusting featherlight kisses across his knuckles, john's throat goes tight and he feels his own overwhelming rush of emotions and his heart thumps and he blurts out: "i love you."

it's the first time one of them says it. and it’s a disguised i love you even so. i love you despite. i love you anyway. i love you because. months worth of reassurances wrapped into three words, and even with what john's just gone through, he's still scared when it slips out, looks up at gale with wide, searching eyes, trying to gauge whether he's overstepped or said the wrong thing.

gale's just trying to catch his breath, feeling like the wind's been knocked out of him by the admission. half of him wants to shake his head, gently push john's hands away, tell him "no you don't, hun." a tiny part of him wants to be cruel about it, to laugh the honesty off and ensure john will walk out that door far, far away from the mess that gale is, and not turn back, safe from harm.

but the other half of him, the half that holds his heart, evidently, has him cupping john's open, sincere face in his hands, looking down into bright, fearful, hopeful blue eyes, and murmuring "i love you more."

and john blushes as hard as he did the first time they'd kissed, as hard as he did the first time he was laid out in gale's bed, as if he and gale haven't said a million things much more fluster–inducing since they met. gets all shy, pouts, looks down and mumbles "that's not fair," and that finally gets the first smile out of gale all day, maybe even a breath of a laugh.

they love each other your honour </333

this got way out of hand but what else is newwww i'm so weak for these two. so so weak. i keep saying it but MAN i'm so excited to write this fic this summer omg :')

and DON'T BE SORRY!! it's so chill omg, you were perfectly clear (but i'm glad you elaborated and gave me an excuse to yap about them some more hehehe) and never apologize for long messages, i loveee reading the brainrot and hearing ur thoughts and getting to brainrot back. and thank you AGAIN sobs 😭💗 that makes MY days and ur way too kind fml. i hope the wait hasn't been too long LOL on the chapters AND a response to this ask!! tysm again mwah

[studentbyday]

Hey guys 👋🏻 Lately even if I sleep well, I've been finding it harder and harder to get out of bed and do my work, even if I still can feel excited about certain topics in my field (if they're presented in a different enough, positive context like new research that's happening in my area). @zzzzzestforlife told me that means I'm burnt out and that if I feel like I'm so busy I can't take 5 minutes to do anything extra, I should take a hour to just rest and rejuvenate because you won't actually fall that far behind in just an hour. Proverbially speaking. She actually prescribed that I take the weekend off 😅 And I trust her judgment because she knows the pace I work at (read: slower than her) and she's burnt out enough times to recognize the symptoms quickly and take action against it before it gets really out of hand.

So this weekend, I'm just going to rest (with the exception of the little bit of pathology assignment I still have to finish before Monday and reviewing a bit more for the immunology midterm on Wednesday...and a few very light admin tasks...God, as I type this, it's really tempting to just not take a break and keep working this weekend out of fear but I really don't think I should. I should preserve the bit of passion and enthusiasm I still have for my studies and return to them on Monday feeling refreshed enough to keep going, resting each weekend, until the end of the semester because I need to build sustainable habits if I want to take 5 courses / semester next year and come out of it still whole).

And I've kind of forgotten what rest mode is like?? So I need to do a little brainstorm...again. because this list will be a bit smaller and thus less overwhelming (to me in this burnt out state) than the one I shared before and I'll only be picking the activities that will actually be helpful for my current state (e.g. i am not aiming to wake up really early at all this weekend. that just puts unnecessary pressure because i just find that really really hard to do these days as the days get shorter and recently meditating just makes all my anxious thoughts re-surface so I think I need to try more active forms of mindfulness so the full strength of the emotions don't have to hit me and drain me so much). (And I am under no pressure whatsoever to do all of these. Just whatever I feel my body and soul are most called to do in the moment. I've forgotten how to rest in the busy-ness it's so weird...like i actually had to be reminded that real rest is not something you have to try really hard to do and if you do that then it ceases to be real rest, even if you're engaging in a supposedly restful activity. Why did I have to be reminded of something so common sense. I mean, I do know, but still. It's strange, the effect that extended periods of work mode has on the brain...)

Physical movement (pilates/yoga and walking in nature are still my current faves but I only walked in nature and did yoga once this week and my body is starting to complain about it...)

Practice piano (even if I think I suck...the only reason for that would be because I'm out of practice, so the more I practice and the sooner I start practicing, the better I'll sound. I haven't played since summer ended...)

Reading fiction (Maisie Dobbs is reliably calm yet uplifting and it's what I've been reading most of this week so I might continue that, but this weekend I'm going to slow down and get cozy, i.e. away from my desk, while I read)

Yapping with those who are dearest to me

Listening to music that is stimulating in a calming way (rn I'm thinking like slow classical choir stuff haha because you've got the harmony together with occasional notes that sing out above the rest and it's just really satisfying in a calming way...there are also a couple of piano pieces that have that kind of calming vibe like träumerei... There's also slow jazz.)

Do mundane things like the laundry (I need to change my bedding anyway), sorting and folding said laundry (i don't usually like folding haha so Zesty usually does that [thankfully], but i think there will be something extra comforting about the folding patterns this time and there's just a lot still to fold...), washing my water bottle, and basically just cleaning house because the act of moving and seeing all the dirt get gone because of it is therapeutic and a surprisingly good de-stressor

I was also supposed to do my weekly hair mask this weekend which I almost completely forgot about

[idkwhattoputhereidontknow]

Saw your requests were open so thought i'd give it a shot for the Obey Me crew.

Depsite the game, imagine an MC that will avoid conflict, either by appeasing or avoiding, just any way to not argue or fight with anyone. What would that look like?

Thanks for the request!!! I tried my best to do your request justice, but I didn’t really know how you wanted me to write it. (ಥ _ ಥ) So, if you do ask for anymore requests, please tell me the format {I think that’s what it’s called at least.} you’d like, THANK YOU!!! {Oh! And spoilers for Obey Me.} 

If MC was like this and was actually successful, it would definitely change the whole story. Like in lesson 4 when MC was trying to find a way into the attic by taking Levi’s TSL soundtrack and giving it to Lucifer to distract him. I feel like this MC could maybe find some way to get the soundtrack without setting Levi’s demon form off and without injuring their wrist. (But at the same time that needs to happen so Levi makes a pact with MC, right?)  Although that's only if MC is actually good at avoiding conflict which I doubt considering the story. Poor MC. I also don't think MC would be able to avoid DEATH in lesson 16 since like how are you supposed to avoid that. So, in summary, MC would probably be able to get past some stuff but most things I don’t think are really avoidable.

Lucifer would definitely like this MC at the start compared to our normal MC. I mean the whole reason Lucifer didn’t like MC at first was because they were too noisy and troublesome. He probably still wouldn't really like this MC, but he'd probably like them more than our usual MC, at least a little bit.

Mammon’s feelings wouldn't really change for this MC. In my professional opinion. He’s just a simp and if your name is MC you're a victim of his simping. Just like Lucifer and most of the other brothers, he would probably like this Mc a bit more at the very start before he catches feelings but he would also think this MC is a little bit of a wimp.

As I’ve said before, if this MC could avoid the whole lesson 4 situation, Levi and MC might have a better relationship at the start but at the same time I have no idea how MC would be able to make a pact with Levi without the whole incident. (I honestly don't have much to say about Levi or Satan since I don’t really focus on him a lot, sorry Levi fans.) 

Satan would definitely get along with this MC. If MC avoids conflict, then there's less things to make Satan mad. Happy Satan = Happy times. 

With Asmo I doubt anything would really change much. I mean, this is Asmo we're talking about. There hasn't been any moments where I feel like a MC like this would change much between them. (At Least from where I’m at in the game.) He would still love MC no matter what they’re like. 

Once again with Beel I don’t think much would change….. Actually, scratch that. In lesson 4-5 MC probably would not eat Beel’s custard even under Mammon’s pressure so Beel wouldn't go demon mode on them. So, that would change the story a little bit.

Now Belphie is a special case. MC can’t avoid conflict if Belphie has any chance of getting out of the attic, so that's why I think MC would try to avoid conflict but wouldn't really be effective. And if Belphie’s is out of the attic that means MC dies, they can’t really do anything about that. So, I doubt anything would really change at all in their relationship whatsoever. MC still has to get traumatized for THE PLOT!

I kinda rushed this because I was like “OH NO!!! I still haven't done any of the requests yet! I need to finish at least one NOW!!!” So, apologies if there are spelling mistakes or it’s not the best, I tried. I also haven't really played Obey Me in a little while until recently, so I was having a hard time “capturing” the brothers' personalities...? But I hope it was at least kind of decent. And if anyone would like me to redo this with a different writing format or whatever, please tell me.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[loemius]

31. What post have you seen recently that makes you wanna scream lmao <3

oh boy youre asking me for the spicy hot takes tonight huh. i am always happy to deliver <3 i dont want to put anyone in particular on blast so ill refrain from mentioning specific posts, but i do find that a lot of content lately in the helpol sphere has been very... surface level. a lot of moodboards, a lot of basics, 101 level content, stuff like 'the gods love you!!'. which isn't inherently a bad thing whatsoever. there is a need for that kind of content! however, i've also noticed in my 2 years on helpol tumblr that a lot of the reconstructionist blogs and informative blogs that i used to follow have either went inactive or deactivated entirely. and i can't help but wonder why this is. i think there's a lot of reasons for it: frustration with the shallowness of content leading to people going off and becoming more solitary practitioners, the more you grow in your practice the less compelled you may become to share it, but also i think a lot of people use tumblr and people's ask boxes as a search engine and that leads to a lot of burnout. it certainly did for me -- i took a hiatus from posting for a long time because i wasn't in a place to educate people. it's a lot of pressure, especially on tumblr where it feels like people will jump down your throat if you're incorrect about things or you suddenly become an Authority that people look up to when youre just a person. people who were posting really helpful and informative content about the theoi simply arent here anymore, and i really think the community's gravitation towards easily consumable content and reliance on people to do research for them is a large part of this. i realize not everyone is recon, which is very much okay, although i personally love being recon. that being said, i still think you should do your best to do your research and understand where these ideas come from. they didn't appear out of thin air -- mediterranean culture is very much alive still and is a continuation of the ancient world, and to not acknowledge or understand it is disrespectful to both the cultural context of the theoi and mediterranean people whose culture we claim to revere. i don't expect everyone to become an academic or a classicist. its not accessible to everyone for a variety of reasons, but i do think like. checking out some of the primary sources in a way thats accessible for you or picking one really good book to really deep dive into would benefit a lot of people. basically, i just wish i saw more in depth posts and people engaging on a deeper level with their faith and being willing to post it so we can have more discussions as a community and grow together. helpol is unique among other polytheistic religions because we have a wealth of primary sources available to us, and that isn't always the case for other polytheistic religions. i think it's... honestly kind of sad that we don't really talk about them. its not that i dont want to see peoples upg or that i dont think there should be posts for beginners, because there is a place for it and i enjoy that content too, but i wish there was more variety in the kinds of posts we have in the community. i miss the days when the tags were full of people writing their own prayers or people talking about a new source they read and what they thought, or compiling something for their own practice and being willing to share it with the community. i guess this is my sign to get back to posting my own original content and make the kind of content i want to see in hopes it'll encourage others to do the same. anyway i got on my little soapbox about this and its time for me to hop off before i hit character limit (again lmao). thank you so much for this ask, this was really refreshing and cathartic for me to talk about. may the gods bless you with health, happiness, and love always <33

[alaydabug2]

I freaking HATE being the "Good smart kid"

I used to love it and be proud

But I HATE it now

Context:

I'm the youngest (and only girl) of four siblings

All my brothers are significantly older than me

Like 5, 10 and 13 years

The thing is they're very booksmart

Key word

BOOKsmart

But they don't apply themselves and even try

2 of them were in gifted and beta but they dropped out and didn't care

1 (who has a genius IQ) ended up doing drugs and stealing and ended up in prison

One knocked 2 girls up (one baby mama being legit cray cray) and is a dead beat to both kids

1 nearly dropped out of highschool and us 19 married to a 28 year old with 3 kids (who only really seems to be there for his paycheck)

Well (minus when I was younger) I am the "good child"

I behave do well and apply myself in school

Just got into gifted and starting out freshman year with all honors classes and in beta

I LOVE learning and stuff

But the pressure is getting to be a LOT

Im known by my classmates for being the smart kid and they only really talk to me and include me for awnsers on stuff

They get mad when I try to just help and guide them instead of flat out giving the awnsers

With my parents I'm their "last hope" cause the other three screwed up

I've always been known as the happy little girl and so I don't like crying in front of them because I don't want to worry them

Especially about stupid like this

And I've always done well in school

SO MUCH SO that when I get any sort of grade below a 90 they ask me "are you ok do you need help"

And it makes me feel like I'm not doing good enough (even though they are objectively GOOD GRADES)

Even if they don't say anything when I see anything below a 90 I feel really dissappin in myself

Yeah those jokes about "Oh I did so bad on a test I got a 88"

Yeah that's me

Then furthermore

I just had to miss 2 weeks of the first weeks of school from surgery

And when I got all my makeup work I just had a breakdown because it was SO MUCH to do

First week of high-school EVER in honors

That's a lot

I had a full on BREAKDOWN cause I was stressed out and I didn't want to miss that much school

My mama got upset with me because I was having a freak out (cause I don't usually act like that)

It's not my parents are bad

Not at all whatsoever and love them so so so much

But I feel like I'm not allowed to mess up or get a bad grade now and again because I've always been known for the smart good happy girl

I feel like I can't stray from that in being afraid of dissappinting them and myself

The bar I set myself is so high cause I want to do something with my life because my brothers just dont

I feel like I need to make up for what they didn't do with the potential they had

I don't want them to be sad when I'm lonely at school cause I have friends (I guess)

But I'm not really included in the planning they do (like homecoming) and I don't want to ask to join cause I don't want to be needy and annoying

I'm sure they'd be fine if I did ask but I don't feel like I know them enough to do thay and I don't want to be weird

And when my mama asked me today if they did include me unlike my other school where I just sat and watched I just told her they dud cause I didn't want her to be sad

I literally don't know what's wrong with me

Ik they don't HAVE to be my friend and include me in everything

Thats why I don't ask

Cause they literally DONT have to

I don't want them to feel obligated to either

Cause I've been on that and of the aisle too

And being stuck around someone you don't like but pretend to tk not hurt their feelings sucks

But at the same time.... I just really miss my best friend

I just want to know why I can never get good friends who include me in things and listen

They're either toxic or I'm the pitty friend

Am I really that annoying

But then when I act "normal" and I'm more quiet I just still....

I feel like they don't like me

I've HEARS some of these girls talk about saying others are annoying thay I thought were friends and didn't want to hurt the others feelings

I always get scared I'm that friend

I'd stay by myself but

I CRAVE companionship

Ik some of you are happy to be on your own

But I'm not that

But I'm starting to think feeling lonely is just my best option at this point

I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it

I don't want tk worry my parents

I'm not gonna go around asking my friends "am I annoying"

By bsf lives an hour away

I just... don't know what to do about anything anymore

[mik0is0bored]

"So, what does she feel?"

Warning: talks of depression, suicide, self-harm, swearing.

She's told not to feel emotion.

So she doesn't. She hides it all away. Happiness? Suppressed into a barely noticed smile. Frustration? A blank gaze. Sadness? Tears are forced down.

Out of sight, out of mind.

She's exhausted. Mentally, emotionally and physically. Insomnia and depression don't make a good duo.

She starts up at her ceiling at night. Questioning everything that led her to this point in life.

Who is she?

Why?

Is there purpose?

Vague, deep questions plague her nights, making it damn near impossible for her to fall asleep.

"I have insomnia. Can we make an appointment with my doctor?" She asked, the dark circles under her eyes have become more and more noticable.

"No. You just don't try to fall asleep."

She just nodded.

"Can I please get a therapist?" She'd beg. She hated asking for help, but she couldn't do this bullshit anymore.

"I'm sick and tired of you saying you need therapy. You don't. Your just dramatic"

She nodded and mumbled an apology.

She sat in the bathroom, crying.

"You can't feel emotion." Was the words her mother spat at her.

Mothers shouldn't talk in such a cruel way to their children.

Then again, she had been told "to go to hell" once before. What's new? Nothing is, it won't change.

Her mom walks into the bathroom. She had an eye doctor appointment soon. Tears poured from her eyes, frustrated with herself as she texted her friend of what had happened, who was her therapist, it seemed.

The friend who she trusted to say how she had been struggling, how her mother didn't make it any better. The thoughts she had. The things she'd done.

The two scars that always glared up at her from her wrist.

She regretted those scars. But she didn't regret telling her friend since it made her feel less shitty when stuff happened.

"Your dad is on his way home, clean your mascara."

She didn't want to. She wanted her father to see what she went through when he wasn't home, but she knew he probably wouldn't believe her.

She nodded, expression blank.

If mom didn't want emotion, she wouldn't get it.

Nods and quite hums and mumbles of "yeah," "okay," and several others served as responses for the rest of the night.

She'd state out at the night sky, sitting at the picnic table in the backyard, listening to music through her headphones.

More specifically, Billie Eilish's music. Not in any order, not any specific album. Just her music.

"But I see her in the back of my mind, all the time"

She remembered herself as a little girl. Younger, laughing, smiling.

"Man, am I the greatest, my congratulations."

Pressures, expectations, grades, everything weighed against her shoulders. And she hated it. Having to live up to things she couldn't accomplish

Like trying to reach for the stars, but always failing.

"Sorry, I don't know how (sorry)"

She wanted to understand how and why, and what led up to this. The laughing little girl she used to be, now this shell of a person.

"I don't wanna talk right now. I just wanna watch TV."

To get her mind off of the cruelties of the world. To get the harsh things spoken to her by her mother out of her head.

Even if it was just for a little while.

So, what does she feel?

She doesn't know.

She wants to die. But she keeps living. No, not for herself. Because if she did, she would've been dead awhile ago.

She lived for her friend, the one she told everything, trusted, and cared about.

What she felt was too complex for her to describe.

So to put it in other words.

She was exauhsted.

I felt compelled to write something deep and emotional for no reason whatsoever, maybe to get myself to feel better thsn I do. Did it help? I don't know. But I hope readers like reading this like I did writing it.

@mik0is0bored, please don't copy or plagiarize my work.

[morlock-holmes]

One last thought on White Fragility:

DiAngelo does something which is endemic in left-wing circles these days, which is to conflate various different kinds of racism. Here are some different types that she brings up:

Interpersonal malice, e.g. someone on the street calls you by a racial slur;

Interpersonal malice backed up by institutional authority e.g. when the cop arresting you calls you by a racial slur;

Unintentional racism, e.g. you feel like you tend to cross talk with everyone but your black coworker feels like you are constantly interrupting them;

Systemic racism, e.g. all of your grandparents lived in segregation and mine were WASPs, which effected our parents economic opportunities and in turn our own. Or you grew up on a reservation and your home didn't have electricity or running water, stuff like that.

In practice, though she never really directly admits this, DiAngelo deals pretty much entirely with point three, unintentional racism. Points one and two are not best dealt with by diversity consultants; obviously the perpetrators aren't likely to listen and also that stuff is illegal in an employment or government context, so presumably if DiAngelo finds out she brings in Johnny Law to restore order, as is good and proper.

As much as she brings up systemic racism, her overt belief is that it will sort of... take care of itself once we all have the right attitude towards unconscious interpersonal racism.

What she does do is use the emotional reactions towards other kinds of racism to justify a certain emotional response to unconscious interpersonal racism.

So like she has this really embarrassing section in White Fragility on "White women's tears" and the way that the emotionality of white women was used to rile up lynch mobs to kill men like Emmit Till.

But like, come on, the fact that Sherri from accounting got a little too emotional about George Floyd is not an indication that she's going to bring in a lynch mob after her own coworkers.

I found myself thinking the same thing she overtly says about her white diversity trainees: you should realize that this is not an indication of danger.

A lot of this stuff is just irritating. I'm not discounting irritation; it should be dealt with. But if your white coworker crying a bunch about a tragic death seems to portend a lynch mob, that's not realistic. Or if it is realistic, you don't need to complain about the tears, you have way bigger fish to fry.

And this led me to the thought that, if I understand what DiAngelo does (Honestly she doesn't explain it very clearly) she's operating in a context where she's mostly talking to employees, *all* of whom, regardless of race, are actually facing the exact same dangers.

Whether you are a minority worker trying to call out what you feel is (possibly unconscious) bias, or a white worker defending a statement or behavior that is being called biased, or just literally anybody trying to express a genuine, honest opinion on race, you face the following dangers:

Being seen as a trouble-maker in a way that stalls your career;

Being fired (Thanks at-will employment!);

Being fired AND blacklisted;

Having other participants out you on social media in a way that pressures your business to do any of the things above;

I see no reason whatsoever to think that these dangers are, in terms of the country as a whole, more likely to fall on one race than another. I think an individual job might push them more onto people of one race or another but it might not even be clear to employees of a given company what the line is and who is more at risk.

More importantly: There aren't really any good defenses against these dangers, except two:

Be so well connected and valuable to the company that they are inclined to cover for you;

Or two,

Keep your head down, engage as little as possible, don't rock the boat.

And say... DiAngelo sure runs into a lot of people who aren't excited to engage with her.

[kestreleve]

ask game: tagged by @hauntanelle 🤍

do you make your bed: yes, but around noon every day when I take my lunch break (I work from home). I leave it messy in the morning because I'm lazy

what’s your favorite number: 3 (I like to imagine three things in a row, perfectly centered, and enjoy the symmetry. I am somewhat obsessed with symmetry)

current job: I work as an administrator/manager in academia

if you could go back to school, would you: no, I've tried twice now and dropped out both times lol. I can't do graduate school and full-time work at the same time. I could probably handle undergrad but I have no desire to go back at this point.

can you parallel park: only if it's not an incredibly tight space

a job you had that would surprise people: hmmm probably when I taught Chinese kids English online? that job required me to be incredibly animated and socially "on"/masking 24-7. draining, but rewarding. I really enjoyed it, the kids were so sweet, but felt bad that the kids were often worked really hard and had super high expectations placed upon them by their parents :/ it was a really stimmy job since the company's teaching methods promote constant TPR (total physical response), moving your face and hands a lot to help kids understand language

do you think aliens are real: yes, but I think whatever life exists outside of our planet is probably more alien than we can even conceptualize

can you drive a manual car: no

guilty pleasure: coffee, chocolate, cigarettes (rarely). the three c's

tattoos: 1) roman numerals of my wedding anniversary on my chest, matching with my husband who has them on his neck, done during our honeymoon in Daytona, 2) an abstract kestrel head that my husband designed for me on my upper arm, 3) "god loves you, but not enough to save you" on my thigh. I plan on getting wings on my back, reminiscent of kestrel wings, in the next couple years

favorite color: mossy green, followed by autumnal orange

favorite music genre: folk hands down, but I enjoy almost everything... I commonly listen to alt rock, grunge, indie pop, ambient, and general singer-songwriter stuff. folk and grunge are most inspirational to me when writing my own music

do you like puzzles: no. life is an exhausting puzzle enough on its own

phobias: sharp objects (I imagine them stabbing or slashing me whether I want to or not and it's extremely visceral), cockroaches (from adverse experiences living with them in shitty places), mold (again, from living with it and getting sick). I am fortunate to live in much better circumstances now

favorite childhood sport: I didn't have any because I'm terrible at every single sport, was consistently picked last in every "pick your team" game. I have my autism to thank for that

do you talk to yourself: when I'm alone, yes. I developed that habit when living alone and it never went away. I don't have an internal monologue so speaking out loud helps me get my thoughts together

favorite movies: A Ghost Story, Only Lovers Left Alive, The Platform, Snowpiercer, many others. I like horror movies and thrillers most. I always include The Platform in my list of favorite movies because I think its message is incredibly important and I want everyone to watch it

coffee or tea: coffee, but I enjoy both

first thing you wanted to be when you grew up: a traditional artist

if y'all feel like doing this (no pressure whatsoever lol): @holohedral @bytheeborder @saintazazel @inniave @halo--hall @critterfarm

[ubercharge]

before i posted my recent baby dragon sketches i hadn't drawn much for a while, except a sketch for my d&d oneshot character. i was tired and just not feeling the urge to be creative whatsoever. sometimes you need a break, but sometimes you really do want to create stuff and it feels awful to have invisible walls getting in the way of that.

i wanted to make this post to say what helped me was making the process to make something, anything, smooth. give yourself options. if you're a digital artist like me, you don't have to boot up your usual drawing program to create a whole finished piece. open ms paint and draw something silly. draw something on shitty paper. i used a really simple drawing program on my tablet to draw baby dragon sketches that were nothing like my usual art of hot anime girls and it helped me crack the door open again to drawing a bit more actively bc it took the pressure off of the whole process and it was something nearby i could grab and just start drawing on.

whatever gives you an ounce of motivation, or removes your ideas of "it has to be done this way" "it has to be perfect", grab hold of that process or medium and use it to pull yourself forward when you need it. try a generator for prompts, try drawing something completely new, see what inspires you.

same with writing! get excited by buying yourself a new pen. write down even a single sentence in a notebook or your phone or whatever. rather than worrying about what you put down, it can help a lot to get anything down at all, anywhere. sometimes you need a break but sometimes you do need to find ways to push yourself forward, however it works for you in that moment.

[whittlorestrash]

waiwai do we have any hitch lore??- I need a recap on hitch’s lore so I can start thinking of the dynamics in shattered dream’s gang :3

AREGAHAHAHA yeaahh!!!! he does a have a small lore for now

basically, hitchprint is made out of ink's vials and error's strings. hitch which is an synonym of error and print which is related to drawing, printing, ink ect.

his extra abilities are controlling emotions, and he can even feel the other's one if he cares enough to "connect" with you - how does he do that?? he connects a string on both souls, yours and his and that's how he understands you— for example, if you're feeling sad but somehow can't cry, if he connects this string to you he'll feel the sadness but will also express it for you [that's when the term cry for you becomes real eheheee🗿] he can be very vulnerable, but you don't see him like that often, he's moody and neutral most of the time it's a mix of it ig, he's not too edgy but not so kind either BUT is very protective of his partners 👀 oooooo he doesn't show it though, and with shattered's influence, ig he's got some manners from him too lol

his other ability is to make artificial souls that he can control and pressure you with it, example if he makes a fear soul he will be able to paralyze you — and this in a certain distance, if you're further than the distance he's able to control you won't be touched by it BUT if he forces too much his eyes will glitch and will hurts asf, to ease the pain he will put his glasses on and cover his eyes with his hoodie + won't be able to use his magic for a few days. [that doesn't happen so much thankfully??]

and ofc, strings that he calls emotion strings, it randomly changes colors. other functions? idk yett

so, for his backstory

when hitch realized he was just an anomaly in every way possible he was really upset about it, he used to wander in the void since he had no idea how to leave, core!frisk was here when it happened, they searched for hitch for a while until finally founding him and brought him to the Omega timeline where he sort of got used to it.

he wasn't really comfortable there though, he felt it that it wasn't his place to be on, and he was really depressed at this period of time. so he didnt go out much, sometimes he would to take some fresh air, the reason he stayed was because of dream, he was the only person he truly spent time with and genuinely concidered him a friend.

until one day, he was woken up with a lot of noises, it was late at night, screaming could be heard and fighting could be seen, someone was attacking the area, it was shattered that was attacking the Omega timeline — hitch surprised by what he was seeing, ran toward the mess and asked what was happening, when he learned that it was dream he was dumbfounded and afraid for him.

despite that hitchprint somehow tried to defend the timeline, without laying a hand on him as he simply tried to get dream's attention, mostly because he didnt want others to hurt him. of course shattered caught him, somehow recognized hitchprint, then started to say how sad he was for him, that he understood, that he could fix his broken heart, his shattered dreams... if he joined him, of course core frisk and the people of Omega timeline tried to convince hitchprint but he ignored and left with shattered.. well he didn't have a choice at that moment as he had already teleported somewhere else.

hitch couldn't help but feel fear and excitment, was that really the same person?? he wondered why shattered didn't kill him or whatsoever but quickly learned that his power did intrested him and was the only reason he was spared, he felt heartbroken at the idea that it wasn't because of their friendship [or could it be?] but stopped thinking about it much with time, now as long as he was with him, he didn't care even though he was different.

THAT'S ABOUT IT I THINK I might add some stuff but for now it's just that haha hope it's enough, also you have to tell me yours too!! I need to draw themmmmm!!!! 😆😆

[thebroccolination]

I wanted to ask about some fandom, that you don't actively take part in anymore, but was into before, so I checked your ao3 fandom list looking for those that have 3-6 fics and the pokemon I choose is MDZS. :D I have watched the drama more than once before, but finished the book only recently, so it would be very interesting to read your opinion <3

So, for the 001: MDZS!

I actually have two extra questions.  1. What made you like it back then (enough to write fic)? 2. Why did you stop liking it enough to write fic? :'D

There is obviously no pressure to answer whatsoever. I understand that talking about old fandoms may not be fun, so feel free to completely ignore the ask! <3

For the fandom number meme:

Ooh, this one’s fun! And thank you for asking! I love doing these. :D

- MDZS -

1) What made you like it back then (enough to write fic)?: I found a fan translation of the novel while I was living in Japan back in 2019 and devoured it. I only read it once so I don’t remember everything clearly, but I did very emphatically think that Wei Wuxian was one of my favorite protagonists. I have the Seven Seas translation of the first volume, but I’m reading Guardian (Zhen Hun) first because that was my intro to danmei (and still my favorite of what I’ve read).

2) Why did you stop liking it enough to write fic?: Thailand distracted me. \:D/ I also didn’t know anyone in the fandom, so I’d just been sort of enjoying from the sidelines. No one to drag me back, y’know?

Now the meme proper!

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

• Favorite Character: Wei Wuxian

• Least Favorite Character: Aaand now we’re into the stuff I blocked. Y’know that one dude? Him. Ooooh I wanted him to die so bad. I don’t actually remember if he did. I’ll tell myself he did. Good. [spits]

• 5 Favorite Ships (canon or non-canon): Our heroes wangxian, and that’s kind of it? I did hope for some sapphic pairs, but I don’t remember who I was rooting for.

• Character I find most attractive: All the women.

• Character I would marry: All the women.

• Character I would be best friends with: All the—

• A random thought: I’d love a companion book that explains the cultural and genre subtext that readers unfamiliar with them could enjoy. Like when I was in Word of Honor fandom, I loved learning about all these aspects of the series that viewers familiar with the genre conventions were pointing out.

• An unpopular opinion: Not interested in watching the series. I just loved the novel so much the way it was, so I don’t really feel any need to watch the adaptation. I’ve heard it’s great! It’s just one of those “read the book first” things.

• My canon OTP: Wangxian

• Non-canon OTP: Me x All the Women

• Most badass character: Jin Ling’s uncle

• Pairing I am not a fan of: That one character I hate paired with the guy I ship with someone else. There’s this one pair in the book and there’s betrayal and one of them ends up a broken spirit? Them I love. <3

• Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): None! I think they’re all extremely well-written.

• Favorite friendship: Wei Wuxian and the goat (was it a donkey?)

• Character I want to adopt or be adopted by: Jiang Yanli :’)