#no one submitted anyone from comedy of errors

[gayestshakespearecouples]

Got a subscription to Globe Player for Christmas and celebrated by watching Comedy of Errors for the first time! Really enjoyed it as literally just being the essence of Shakespearean comedy melodrama and humour dialed up to 11 (it's like Shakey wrote the second part of Twelfth Night where the twins get confused for each other and went "man I'm really onto something here" and made that comedic device into an entire play). I can tell it also has a lot of interesting social commentary on gender roles (specifically on men and wives) but I'm mostly just struck by whatshernames sister having a whole spiel where she literally says "Dude, if you're gonna cheat on your wife, at least have the decency to PRETEND that you're not!" bc that's very funny

[rotzaprachim]

May I humbly submit for the prompt: That was the first time Joe drew Nicky’s face, but the second time was much more interesting.

there are fics i am obsessive about historical accuracy on and then there is the 20k anachronistic comedy universe and i think it’s pretty obvious which one this falls into. hope you enjoy <3 

That was the first time Joe drew Nicky’s face- fast-fading evening light and the first flickers of a campfire, and the shadows against the lines of his nose and cheekbones stretching and lengthing even in the fast movement of Yusuf’s charcoal against the back of a map, the sudden twitching in his fingers, feeling that he had to do this, here, but this man on paper, know his face by the lines of it the same way he had known all that were dear to him. Something stabbing in his heart that he both did and did not know the name of, new and hard edged, but washed in an easy and growing affection- that he could admit to. That was the first time he drew Nicolo’s fact, and Nicolo looked at the sketch for a long, long time before he rolled it and put it in the saddle bag. 

“So that is how I look,” he said simply. “In your eyes.” A conditional. Yusuf didn’t question him further. 

THe secone time was far more interesting. 

Wanted. FILTHY FRANK- VENETIAN, Yusuf scribbles, purposefully making a few spelling errors for authenticity sake. A LARGE NUMBER OF DIRHAMS FOR THE MAN, DEAD OR ALIVE. 

Nicolo is critical of the work. 

“I think I should look more evil. What is the crime i am to be convicted of?” 

“Cabbage theft.” 

“And the constabulary will bring me in for that?” 

“It was a lot of cabbages.” 

Yusuf gives the drawing some x-d out eyes and a more murderous expression. It’s hard making Nicolo look like this. Nicolo will never look like this, but, well- the portrait artists doing WANTED signs usually don’t have too much formal education. 

“I like this.” 

Yusuf puts on the stolen city watch uniform and tacks it in the heard of the souq the next morning with all the other WANTED posters, where, the next morning, said FILTHY FRANK - VENETIAN will wander into the heart of city, and find himself arrested. 

“You’re sure about this? About how to do it?” 

Nicolo nods. 

“Get arrested, break out, kill mininum of guards- preferably, none at all. Second floor is women’s holdings, and that’s where there’s a woman who’s been accused by her husband of a crime she didn’t commit. Break her out and take her back to her sister’s house.” 

“Good.” Yusuf nodds. This is simple. This is fine. This is what they DO, or are good at doing, at least, or, more like, TRYING to be good at doing. Helping people out. Being swords for justice. Doing better. They’ve got one particularly unusual talent apiece for not dying, and they better be good at it. They haven’t even died the last couple projects. He’s kind of forgotten what it felt like, and worse- what if felt like to watch Nico die, which isn’t something he should worry about, really, because he kind of has a grudging respect for the bastard, and wants him to be happy, or at least not dead, even though he still hates him a lot, and that feeling sure is mutual. “I’ll be waiting outside the prison with the horses.” 

These are some talents that the scrabbling street kid will always be better at than the merchant’s son: climbing walls, breaking out of places, and looking over his shoulder. Just like there are the things that Yusuf is consistently better at, like dealing with people, bartering, dealing with people, arguing out of scrapes, dealing with people, fine calligraphy in three traditions, and also, dealing with poeple. It’s good. They’re very smart and are working out a way to Deal With Each other by a means effective for the good of all. 

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Yusuf suddenly blurts out. “What if the capture you for real and you can’t get out alive and something happens to you?” 

“Mhmm.” Nico says. He’s focused on toasting some bread over the fire, very pointedly not looking at him. “We’ve done this before. Baghdad. Basra.” 

“You got stabbed in Basra, and the Lepeord disaster in Baghdad-”

“Also we’ve got better at this since The Leapord Disaster. Dealt with the corrupt cistern owner and neither of us even died once.” Nico passes him some bread and white cheese and olives, the bread, of course, perfectly toasted, which is annoying, because he still toasts the bread perfectly even when they’re fighting, which is even more irritating somehow. “If I die, I’ll come back for you. I promise I won’t leave you alone.” 

Something stabs inside Yusuf’s heart. Oh, there’s a name for it, but he won’t be thinking about it now. 

“Just-” he lets it hang in the heir. “I can’t stop you from being a martyr.” I can’t, because I’d so the same in your situation. I would and I have and I will, and do it all in good faith, because that’s the life we’ve been given. But it doesn’t stop it from hurting, every fucking time. 

Nico looks at him suddenly. All deep eyes. “No. You can’t. And I can’t stop you from walking in a court of snakes and backstabber and poisoners because you think you might be able to do some good somewhere, and we’ve had enough deaths to know that we’ll come back again. But God is gracious. It is not yet your time or mind.” He reaches out to unbuckle the saddle bags and pull out an extra blanket. “It’s going to be cold tonight and your shivering teeth are very distracting to my sleep.” 

There’s only a few feet of space between them that night. Nico sleeps with a knife under his head, which started out as some kind of threat but now feels more ritualistic as he noticably twirls it between his fingers in the night, letting the the firelight glint off. Now there’s some showmanship, a joke. A promise, against what may lie in the night. 

“Goodnight, my hated enemy. I will not let anyone kill you before I get the chance.” 

“If that’s your idea of a joke, your humour is more awful than your swordsmanship. My most abhorred foe, i will be angry if you do not survive the night so as to destroy swordsmanship in the morning. 

The night is large and the silence is loud. 

“Yusuf,” Nico says suddenly. “I will always come back to you. And what’s the worst they can do to me? Kill me?” 

[a-world-in-grey]

King’s Speech in Eos

Prompted by and ask from @ends-of-the-wayward-storm that spiraled out of control. Tagging @secret-engima because she’s always down for my rambles.

If anything doesn’t make sense or you notice any grievous errors, let me know!

I’m gonna cover the broad history of King’s Speech, including origin, evolution, and its spread throughout Eos, along with some hcs on the varying concurrent historical events that would influence the language. It’ll be somewhat vague, because we don’t have hard dates for... a lot of events.

Origin

Gonna start with a bit of set up for what Eos might have looked like around Somnus’ time.

Going way back, we’ve got Solheim. We know it existed in at least Cleigne and Duscae, given we’ve found ruins there. I also theorize that the rest of the Solheim Empire stretched further north of Cleigne and maybe even up to the three islands off the north-western coast of the Cleigne region. It’s possible the Solheim empire stretched into Western continent - most likely Tenebrae and Succarpe and Eusciello - but I don’t have enough information to make a solid assumption one way or the other.

As the ruling power of the time, Solheimian would have been the dominant language within their territory (think Roman empire and Latin), and it would have persisted amongst the survivors after Solheim fell.

On the Eastern continent, that would have been the Cleigne and Duscae regions. On the Western continent, Pitzala, where they did find very ancient remains of humans that I think were theorized to be from that time period?

So Ancient Solheim would have influenced the languages in Cleigne, Duscae, and part of Tenebrae.

Now we get to Somnus’ time. Somnus, who founded Lucis, whose tomb is in Duscae. It is very, very likely that Duscae is Somnus’s birthplace, and the birthplace of the Lucian Kingdom. And early King’s Speech.

So, we’ve got at the moment, the various regions/kingdoms: On the Eastern continent - Cleigne, the newly formed Lucis in Duscae, Leide, Cavaugh, and Galahd. Accordo is in the middle of the ocean to the south. And on the Western continent - Tenebrae (the mountainous Ulwaat region and the coast Pitzala region) and Niflheim (the regions of Succarpe, Eusciello, Vogliupe, and Ueltham).

At this point, the Old Lucian language will have the most in common with the language of the Cleigne region (they might even be different dialects of the same language) and Tenebrae, as Aera and Ardyn are shown to have no issues communicating. (Admittedly, the historical world building in the game is not what I would call extensive, so it’s likely the game developers and writers never actually considered this when making the game.)

Leide will have its own language, as will Cavaugh and Galahd. Accordo has its own language, one likely to be vastly different from any of the others on the continents. As far as Niflheim, the Ueltham region will have a separate language, perhaps similar to the Vogliupe region, and the Succarpe and Eusciello regions might have similarities but will be separate from the Tenebrae and inland languages.

So there’s Old Lucian (Duscae and Cleigne dialects), Old Tenebraen (which is separate but mutually intelligible to Old Lucian), Old Leidan, Old Cavaugh, Old Galahdian, Old Accordan, Old Niflheimian (Ueltham and Vogliupe dialects), and Old Succarpe/Eusciello.

Someone please write a fic of that era where the characters have to deal with language barriers. Please. Think of the sheer opportunity for miscommunication! The drama! The comedy!

Old Lucian to Middle Lucian: Birth of Continental Lucian

Also known as the Lucian Kings get Conquest Happy.

Rome falls, Latin lingers but ultimately falls out of global use, and Late West Saxon is the predominant language in England.

And then 1066 rolls around and the Normans invade, bringing both French and Latin with them. The West Saxon language of the common locals eventually picks up the Norman and Old Norse from the ruling upper class, and the Latin from the Church, becoming Anglo-Norman, better known as Middle English.

Congratulations, this is exactly what happens when Lucis conquers Leide and Cavaugh. Just replace West Saxon with Old Leidan and Old Cavaugh, and French-Latin with Old Lucian-Tenebraen.

Mix well, and bam, we’ve now got what Lucian historians will call Continental Lucian.

Galahd is still minding its own business, and no sane Lucian wants to go to the jungle, so while Old Galahdian isn’t the same as was during Somnus’ era, vocab falling in and out of use, it hasn’t changed all that much.

Old Niflheimian has changed however. Ueltham is somewhat isolated from the rest of the continent, so their language changes less, but the Vogluipe region has evolved to the point they are no longer a different dialect of Old Niflheimian but their own separate language as they pick up bits and pieces from Tenebrae and Eusciello. Old Tenebraen will develop two different dialects by this point - High and Low Tenebraen. Low Tenebraen will shift closer to Vogliupe, Eusciello, and Succarpe influences and is the common language in Tenebrae. High Tenebraen is the language of religion and used by the Oracles, priests, and upper classes. It’s the language used for higher education on the Western continent.

Accordo, unlike Galahd, has become the trading hub of the world, and picks up influences from Leide, Lucis, Succarpe, and Tenebrae, which shifts them from Old Accordan to Middle Accordan.

Global Conquest: Rise of the King’s Speech

Or, in other words, The Warrior.

Loses his wife, wages global war in his grief. Only one of the Kings of Yore to have his tomb outside the Lucian continent. (Which I also have hcs on but that is a completely separate post.)

Now, the writers do not tell us just how far the Warrior or the kingdom of Lucis managed to conquer. The Warrior is buried in Tenebrae, so we know he made it at least that far.

Which, I’m going to quibble on in just bit.

Given how the King’s Speech is global, even in Niflheim (presumably, we don’t ever see your run of the mill Niflheimian commoners/working class), it’s highly likely that Lucis once controlled both continents. And Accordo.

And here’s where we get into some, well, very not nice parts of history.

King’s Speech is the language of Eos. The only other language we ever see is that of the Astrals (and maybe Ancient Solheim? That wasn’t in the cutscenes so I’m a bit iffy), which means either the majority of Eos are bilingual, or King’s Speech is the only language.

How do you make half a dozen other languages disappear?

Genocide.

Not necessarily full on Holocaust round them up and exterminate them. But by forbidding them to speak or write in their language. Ever. By taking their children and raising them in a different culture, until there’s no one left who remembers how to speak their language at all.

It’s horrible, I know, and I doubt anyone wants to go that dark when writing their fics, but that’s what history tells us. The Indigenous tribes of North America, forced onto reservations and sent to ‘cultural’ schools to raise them as ‘white men.’ Britain, making it illegal to speak Welsh, Irish, and Scottish. Those are the examples I’m most familiar with, but I don’t doubt there’s a lot more.

A language is a representation of its people. Of its culture. It changes with its people.

And dies with them.

So for at least a couple generations - probably closer to five or six - Lucis occupied most of the world. But not all of it.

Tenebrae.

Tenebrae, the longstanding allies of Lucis. Tenebrae, ruled by the only other family with Bahamut’s Blessing. It would not be surprising at all if Tenebrae served as a foothold for Lucian forces to strike into Niflheim territory, to conquer the continent.

It can be so very easy to go from, we are blessed, to we deserve this, to we deserve more. When a Blessing becomes a Birthright, where does it stop?

When your Empire crumbles.

We don’t have a date for the rise of the Aldercapt dynasty. Only that they became the rulers of Niflheim, and they later decided to conquer the world, using magitek advances uncovered from Solheim ruins.

Which, if you are the ones to lead the faction that frees your home from the occupying forces, you might just get put in charge. And then if you need a way to defend your people in case the magic wielding enemies come back, you might just turn to the ancient civilization rumored to have fought the Astrals.

Yeah. Can’t really argue with that.

So King’s Speech becomes the global language. Ueltham, Vogliupe, Euscellio, and Succarpe disappear. Low Tenebraen likely disappears as well. Accordo may suffer its own occupation during this time, in which Accordan disappears, or it gets so heavily colonized by Lucians that the two languages merge, producing the Accordan dialect of King’s Speech.

Modern King’s Speech

With the entire world - with a couple exceptions - now speaking the same language and Lucian forces pushed back to their own continent, we’re going to start seeing different dialects emerge again.

Niflheim will develop their own dialect, different accents in Ueltham, Vogliupe, Eusciello, and Succarpe, but the same dialect depending on how rapid Niflheim’s technological advancement is. 

Tenebraen King’s Speech will be closest to Old Tenebraen and Old Lucian, and therefore known as High King’s Speech, favored by the upper classes around the world, but especially in Tenebrae, Niflheim, and Insomnia. 

Accordan King’s Speech will be the dialect most different from Standard King’s Speech, due to lingering Accordan influences but also due to Accordo being a major trade center and being influenced by the other dialects.

Lucian King’s Speech will become known as Standard King’s Speech. There will be a couple notable dialects, the Leidan and Insomnian dialects though the Leidan dialect will be the most noticeable.

At some point, Galahd is also conquered, but while they submit and King’s Speech becomes part of Galahd, they remain insular enough that they keep their native language alive. Though there is enough influence from the mainland through King’s Speech on Old Galahdian that it firmly shifts into the Modern Galahdian language.

[maxismatchccworld]

Bloodborne Aspiration

Created for: The Sims 4 by Sresla

Based on the book Vampires Don't Sleep Alone by Elizabeth Barrial and D. H. Altair, the Bloodborne Aspiration allows your Vampire Sim to explore their ancestry in order to reveal their true nature. Found in its own, new Aspiration category, Supernatural, once selected it grants the bonus trait Observant for sims Teen through Elder.

There are four levels to the Aspiration.

Upon completion, the Sim will be awarded one of eight unique traits which aligns them irrevocably with a specific vampire house. Each Bloodborne house has a base mood, an additional bonus reward trait, modifiers, whim set and custom moodlets/social interactions (as applicable).

Download: https://modthesims.info/d/631516/bloodborne-aspiration.html

Get featured: https://maxismatchccworld.tumblr.com/

Cicuta Base Mood: Uncomfortable The Cicuta are Bloodborne whose bodies have rejected the vampiric transformation in some way. They are in constant pain due to inflammation in their joints, their reaction to sunlight is more severe and are more prone to illness.

More susceptible to being Uncomfortable, Dazed, Sad or Tense

Reacts negatively to sunlight even with Sun Resistance

Gains Reward Trait: Night Owl

Modifiers: Fitness (x0.2), Gardening (x0.2), Fishing (x0.2), Dancing (x0.2), Skating (x0.2), Rock Climbing (x0.2), Bowling (x0.2), Programming (x1.3), Video Gaming (x1.3), Writing (x1.3), Writer (x1.3), Astronaut (x0.2), Athlete (x0.2), Gardener (x0.2), Military (x0.2)

Need Decay: Vampire Energy (x0.1)

Custom Moodlets: Orlok's Curse (+10 Uncomfortable)

Whim Set includes: Take a Nap, Watch TV, Play Video Games, Browse the Web, Take a Bath

Interfector Base Mood: Angry Interfectors are ruthless hunters who view humans as livestock. These Bloodborne believe their vampiric transformation is a promotion to the top of the food chain.

Autonomously Drinks Uncontrollably & fights more

Always in Dark Form

Vampiric Run Enabled

Receives negative garlic-related moodlets even with immunity

Gains Reward Trait: Dastardly

Modifiers: Fitness (x1.7), Mischief (x1.3), Charisma (x0.2), Criminal (x.1.7), Manual Labor (x1.7), Athlete (x1.3)

Need Decay: Thirst (x0.1)

Whim Set includes: Be Mean to Someone, Mock Someone, Insult Someone, Rage Run on Treadmill, Stomp Trash

Custom Moodlets: Vampires Don't Ask, They Take (+2 Confident), Apex Predator (+3 Energized)

Custom Social Interactions: Taste Test Your Food (Romance), Demonstrate Natural Selection (Mean, drains target Sim's Energy/Bladder/Hunger/Hygiene, ruins relationship [Friendship & Romance, as applicable] and kills them if they are human, must be standing [not sitting] close to target Sim to use)

Philologus Base Mood: Focused The Philologi dedicate their extended lifespan to the pursuit of knowledge. Bloodborne Philologus are natural scholars although their research may sometimes be more esoteric than practical.

Autonomously reads (and puts away) books

More susceptible to being Bored or Tense

Able to consume and gains Thirst from human food, even with Withered Stomach

Gains Reward Trait: Speed Reader

Modifiers: Scientist (x1.3), Writer (x1.3), Writing (x1.3), Logic (x1.7), Video Gaming (x0.5), Fishing (x0.1), Comedy (x0.2), Mischief (x0.2)

Custom Moodlets: Brain Food (+3 Happy)

Whim Set includes: Read Something, Travel to the Library, Research on the Computer, Finish Writing a Book, Write a Non-Fiction Book

Sanctus Base Mood: Confident Bloodborne Sanctus are rare; they are considered the paragons of vampire kind, possessing strength and power that surpass that of even the most ancient Grand Masters from other Bloodborne lines.

Always in Dark Form

More susceptible to being Bored

Immune to garlic

Vampiric Run Enabled

A natural Daywalker; protected from the sun's harmful rays, even with Combustible Plasma

Gains Reward Trait: Savant, Beloved and A True Master

Modifiers: All Skills (x2.0), All Careers (x2.0)

Need Decay: Vampire Energy (x0.1), Thirst (x1.7)

No Whim Set; Sanctus Bloodborne do what they want, when they want

Tombeur Base Mood: Flirty Taking full advantage of their Bloodborne nature, Tombeur are consummate seducers who endlessly pursue sexual gratification.

Drinks Uncontrollably after WooHoo

Gains Reward Trait: Alluring

Modifiers: Charisma (x1.3), Romance (x1.3)

Need Decay: Fun (x0.4), Social (x0.2)

Whim Set includes: Send a Flirty Text, Tell a Dirty Joke, Kiss, Embrace and Woo Hoo with Someone

Custom Moodlets: The Climax (+4 Focused), A Natural Aphrodisiac (+2 Focused)

Custom Social Interactions: Nip Neck (Romance, functions as a vampiric version of Beguile, must be standing [not sitting] close to target Sim to use)

Transeo Base Mood: Happy The Transeo Bloodborne have assimilated into human society by rising to positions of power in order to amass wealth. As a result, they pass relatively unnoticed, while reveling in the creature comforts that go along with their status.

More susceptible to being Bored or Tense

Able to consume and gains Thirst from human food, even with Withered Stomach

Gains Reward Trait: Frugal & Free Services

Modifiers: Charisma (x1.5), Gourmet Cooking (x1.7), Cooking (x1.3), Sales (x1.5), Criminal (x1.7), Retail (x1.7), Business (x1.9), Critic (x1.3), Mixology (x0.2), Handiness (x0.2), Bowling (x0.2), Gardening (x0.2), Manual Labor (x0.2), Gardener (x0.2), Military (x0.2)

Custom Moodlets: The Finer Things (+3 Happy)

Whim Set includes: Prepare Lobster Thermidor, Grill Steak, Buy a New Computer, Give Butler an Order, Travel to the Museum

Tristis Base Mood: Sad Bloodborne Tristis consider their vampirism a curse. By turns, they are melancholy, filled with regret over their lifestyle or morose and envious of the humans around them.

More susceptible to being Angry, Sad, Uncomfortable or Tense

Gains Reward Trait: Animal Whisperer

Modifiers: Violin (x1.7), Pipe Organ (x1.7), Painting (x1.3), Fishing (x1.3), Charisma (x0.5), Comedy (x0.2), Mischief (x0.2), Veterinarian (x1.3), Pet Training (x1.7), Social Media (x0.2)

Whim Set includes: Call Sadness Hotline, Water Plants with Tears, Send a Sad Text, Cry it Out, Be Alone

Custom Social Interactions: Suffer As I Suffer (Mean, drains target Sim's Energy/Bladder/Hunger/Hygiene, ruins relationship [Friendship & Romance, as applicable] and begins vampiric transformation if they are human, must be standing [not sitting] close to target Sim to use)

Vespillo Base Mood: Inspired Bloodborne Vespillo are the nurturers of vampire society. They possess an innate desire to propagate their species and are excellent caretakers.

Drinks Uncontrollably when pregnant

Gains Reward Trait: Mentor

Modifiers: Parenting (x1.7), Babysitting (x1.7), Gardening, (x1.3), Pet Training (x1.3), Photography (x1.3), Mixology (x0.2), Gourmet Cooking (x0.5), Cooking (x0.5), Fishing (x0.5)

Need Decay: Social (x0.17)

Custom Moodlets: Enticing Intimacy (+2 Focused), Occult Offspring (+1 Energized)

Whim Set includes: Try for Baby, Read a Toddler Book to Someone, Help Someone with Homework, Fertilize a Plant, Turn Someone into a Vampire

Custom Social Interactions: Explain Biological Imperative (Romance, functions as a vampiric version of Beguile, must be standing [not sitting] close to target Sim to use)

As with my other traits, I have re-purposed other, already in-game moodlets which should appear occasionally for the traits they are associated with. Some may not be spot-on, so let me know if anything looks especially out-of-place. Although I've tested the Aspiration and accompanying traits, I do not have all the Sims 4 expansions so there are some aspects I've been unable to test, specifically: Money gains for Transeo, Illnesses for Cicuta (a little wary of this one, but it shouldn't kill anyone... I don't think), Fertility with Vespillo. This, generally, shouldn't impact gameplay if you don't have all the expansions yourself; the only ones required are Vampires and Pets. However, please consider this a beta version of the Aspiration and feel free to report any issues you run into so I can correct them.

Planned Updates

Broadcasters aren't, as far as I'm aware, working in MC4. If/when this is ever fixed, I'll add some in where appropriate

Missing from the unique traits is the final Bloodborne house, Silenti. I need to take a brief break from modding and would rather submit an Aspiration is 90% finished for the time being

I'd like to see if there's a way to add a base trait for any humans who decide to take the Aspiration which I've been working on, called Renfield. If I can't integrate it, I'll just release it separately at some point

More custom moodlets/custom social interactions

Some change if the vampire is cured or the trait is removed with cheats. I'm not sure what right now, but you can bet it's going to be bad

Known Issues

The Reward Trait shows as a blank llama when moused over in-game; as the Aspiration rewards one out of eight traits, I cannot determine how to list them all as potential rewards (and don't think there'd be space, in any case)

Because Supernatural is a custom Aspiration category, it cannot be viewed in-game when changing aspirations. So, Bloodborne can only be selected while in CAS

Technically, this Aspiration can be chosen (and completed) without Cats & Dogs; without it, the Be friends with X animals milestone checkpoint just doesn't appear the Aspiration continues without it. Similarly, the only Reward Trait that requires it is Tristis, as it grants Animal Whisperer. IF you get Tristis and do not have Cats & Dogs, a LE error is generated as a result but all other aspects of the Reward Trait itself function just fine

[babyybitchhh]

Shikamaru or Senku?

Damn, anon. You really just came for my throat like that. I don’t know what I’ve done to hurt you but, from the bottom of my heart, I apologize. I swear it won’t happen again. 🤧

Okay, okay. All jokes aside. This is a real toughie and I’m gonna have to reveal just how much of a dumb bitch I really am to explain my answer. Yes, I fall back on the zodiac to fill in any gaps in characterization and determine just how compatible I actually am with fictional men. Sue me. As per usual, this post got a bit away from me so if you want to skip down to the TL;DR for my final answer, please do. I encourage it, actually. lol 

Ishigami Senkuu

January 4th - Capricorn

Strengths: leadership, responsible, disciplined, self-control, good managers

Weaknesses: lack of compassion, know-it-all, unforgiving, condescending, expecting the worst

“Capricorn is a sign that represents time and responsibility, and its representatives are traditional and often very serious by nature. These individuals possess an inner state of independence that enables significant progress both in their personal and professional lives. They are masters of self control and have the ability to lead the way, make solid and realistic plans, and manage many people who work for them at any time. They will learn from their mistakes and get to the top based solely on their experience or expertise.”

“Known for their rational approach to life and their emotions are often well hidden from plain view. Not only is it imperative for them to stick to the realm of absolute intimacy to open their heart for someone but they are often not fully aware of their feelings before hardships occur. This will put pressure on their love life as they have to make a strict and specific equation out of everything, distancing them from carefree and smiling partners who wish to have fun in a relationship.”

“There is nothing easy in the love life of these individuals but they will not see this as the end of the world. They have enough passion and warmth carried within and if mutual respect is found and strong boundaries respected both ways, they will be prepared to let someone into their world and protect them with their shield.”

“As an earth sign, Capricorn has a powerful and instinctive sensuality which expresses itself in a straightforward and natural way without the need for props, frills or adornment. Is it somewhat bereft of romance? Well maybe, but what Capricorn lacks in the way of sentimentality, it more than makes up for in terms of responsibility and discretion ... once it overcomes its initial reserve and caution, it can usually be relied upon to give full satisfaction, no matter how long it takes. As with most other things in its life, Capricorn prefers to take its time over its lovemaking, and its highly developed self-control gives it the stamina to stay the course.”

Nara Shikamaru

September 22 - Virgo

Strengths: pure emotion, loyal, analytical, kind, hardworking, practical

Weaknesses: sensitive to toxic environments, shyness, worry, overly critical of self and others, all work and no play

“Virgo’s are always paying attention to the smallest details and their deep sense of humanity makes them one of the most careful of the zodiac. Their methodical approach to life ensures that nothing is left to chance and although they are often tender, their heart might be closed for the outer world. This is a sign often misunderstood, not because they lack the ability to express but because they won’t accept their feelings as valid, true or even relevant when opposed to reason.”

“Feelings of love and life may be a bit like ocean waves that move with the current. With so much water flowing through their primal nature, their rational mind will easily fade around those that touch their heart. This makes them vulnerable to all sorts of betrayals and wrong compromises along the way. They need to be stable and firm in understanding and deciphering their own feelings before anyone else’s or they might lower their guard too far down.”

“They need a partner who is as fragile as they are but also someone who is aware of the strength of their emotional world.”

“ Many Virgos aren’t particularly comfortable with demonstrative displays of emotion or dramatic, over-the-top outbursts. Normally quite shy by nature, they prefer to express their affection in tangible, down-to-earth ways: love for them is about actions, not just empty words. Big worriers who don’t find it easy to show their feelings, Virgos are prone to internalizing their anxieties about their physical desirability – frequently making themselves ill in the process – and can often be a bit uptight around sex. To balance this, they need lots of reassurance that they’re actually perfectly okay!”

Now ... y’all can correct me if I’m wrong, but that all sounds pretty spot on to me. Like, it’s accurate. I’ve mentioned this a few times when replying to comments on my Dr Stone fics, but I really enjoy how nuanced Senkuu is because there’s a lot going on under the surface of his cool facade. He’s very task-oriented and objective about what needs to be done, but he’s also extremely sympathetic towards others even if he tries to play it off. It seems hard for him to be honest about his feelings because, frankly, they’re not rational enough for his liking, so he tries to find ways to justify them. On the flip side, Shikamaru is a little similar with his cool, objective-oriented outer shell but he’s conversely quite sensitive. Like, hella sensitive. That boy is not anywhere near as tough or impenetrable as he acts and I do think at least part of that is a defense mechanism of some sort to shield his heart, even before Asuma died but especially afterward. They’re both tough to penetrate emotionally and they guard their true feelings so well that it actually does manage to fool people. I mean both the characters around them and also the fans watching at home. So at this point, there doesn’t seem to be a conclusive winner and it should come down to a simple matter of preference, right?

Well, let’s see what the stars have to say about throwing a Leo into the mix.

Capricorn + Leo

“... have one thing in common and it’s their awareness of self. It will be a rare occasion when Leo is attracted to Capricorn but the other way around seems more probable.”

“Both are extremely devoted, especially to each other. Although they may seem to be an unlikely couple on the surface, their love will grow as they discover similarities.”

“Like Barbie and Ken, you’re a good looking pair ... your shared love of achievement and impressive ambition sends power couple fantasies running through your heads. If you’re out to conquer the same goal, your combined skills make you quite an awesome force to behold.”

“The physical intimacy between a Leo and a Capricorn is where this mismatched couple can come together. Leo is hot, physical, feminine, [and] enjoys giving pleasure. In a day to day life, Capricorn is reserved and proper but when it comes to sex, he wants it wild, woolly, rough and tumble. Lucky for him, Leo has a similar sexual appetite. It’s in bed where Leo has the power to make customarily reserved Capricorn throw caution to the wind and become a bit crazy in love.”

“What you’ve got here is one sign with a forensic eye for detail and another who paints with an incredibly broad brushstroke. The possibility of driving each other crazy is real.”

“Capricorn is more likely to be attracted to Leo than the other way around - they’ll watch the lion prance, preform and captivate with their personality and either instantly dislike or feel uncomfortably drawn to them.”

The good: both seek success, Capricorn teaches Leo patience, Leo teaches Capricorn passion

The bad: Leo thinks Capricorn is a cold fish, Capricorn thinks Leo is a show off, it all gets too hard to compromise

Virgo + Leo

“Their rationality might turn into an intellectual battle for sexual dominance, that is, if they ever reach the point in which they both want to have sex with each other.”

“Leo shows Virgo good times and fun, and introduces the spontaneity that is often missing from Virgo’s life. Virgo teaches Leo patience and focuses their intellectual energy.”

“Leo plays cheerleader to pessimistic Virgo while levelheaded Virgo steps into the therapists role, mirroring Leo’s angst until a breakthrough is reached. This is a safe emotional harbor for both of you.”

“Virgo and Leo see their time together in bed as a celebration of their love and commitment. Both are hopeless romantics so there will be plenty of physical foreplay, including morning kisses, long evening embraces, candles, flowers, and massages. A creative and open minded Leo is always willing to try something new and Virgo, who is no prude either, will be a willing follower. Together these two can reach sexual heights they’ve never experienced before.”

“A comedy of errors ...Leo and Virgo are forever working through misunderstandings and mending communication fences. Often it’s as if they speak different languages.”

“Leo pounces and Virgo, invariably, plays hard to get, rebuffing the lion and appearing completely underwhelmed by their charms. This of course drives Leo into a frenzy of heightened passion - they pull out their A game and deliver super hot maneuvers. The funny thing is that such scenarios are usually Virgo devised and orchestrated. They’ve probably observed the flamboyant lion in action - noted that everyone submits to their charisma and decided to go in the opposite direction. If played correctly Leo becomes a lovesick pussy cat ...”

“Virgo is a bit of a tease - for much of the “falling in Love” phase they love-starve Leo who shamelessly begs for morsels of affection. It actually makes the attraction between them electric.”

The good: Virgo teaches Leo patience, Leo teaches Virgo to have fun, they are fascinated by each other

The bad: messy Leo drives neat freak Virgo crazy, negative Virgo brings Leo down, poor communication abounds

So ... what did we take from all that? Well, first of all, both of them are apparently going to teach me patience which I admit I sorely need. Conversely, I’d bring passion, fun and spontaneity to their lives. On one hand, Senkuu seems like he’d be much more drawn to me than Shikamaru because even though I do stay drinking my dumb bitch juice, we have similar driving forces in our lives and I’m not a complete idiot. I love science, especially when it comes to learning about space and how the world works, just not the mathematical portion. That part can eat my ass tbh. On the other hand though, if Shikamaru and I could sort of find a common ground to stand on it sounds like it would be a very healthy relationship for the both of us which I need so badly it’s kind of not funny. Like, I’m self-aware enough to realize what I need out of a hypothetical relationship and it (unfortunately) is the kind of emotional connection that facilitates healing and growth rather than stagnation. I don’t think either of them would just sit there and watch me flounder in my angst, as one of those quotes put it, but everything is pointing at Shikamaru being much more well equipped to tackle the problem while simultaneously needing the same in return, which I would be more than happy to give him.

TL;DR: I actually cannot pick between them. I just can’t do it. I love them both for strangely similar but also drastically different reasons and, objectively, I can’t say I like one more than the other. Both give me soft, doki doki feelings that I don’t know what to do with and even after thinking on it for about two hours, I’m incapable of saying with definitive certainty that I like one more. So all I can go off of is what the zodiac has to say about our compatibility which is pointing at both potential relationships being rocky with their ups and downs, but Shikamaru being the more sensitive of the two comes out the winner in the end. That’s not to say I wouldn’t work with Senkuu to truly become the power couple we both secretly crave, but I know my emotions can get away from me at times and it seems to me that Shikamaru would be a smidge more understanding in that department. 

I realize this definitely isn’t the answer you were expecting, anon, and I absolutely considered scrapping this whole post more than once. lol But I didn’t want to shrug off the question just because I couldn’t decide which of them I liked more. Anyway, for the sake of posterity, here’s what the zodiac has to say about me for comparison. 

August 7th - Leo

Strengths: Energetic, creative, passionate, generous, warm-hearted, cheerful, humorous

Weaknesses: Hasty, arrogant, stubborn, self-centered, lazy, inflexible

“Love is the focus point of these individuals, and while their intellectual and instinctive sides are the first ones to show, we will see that they seek someone equal, to share their inner states with. They need a lot of support and a calm partner that soothes their Soul, someone quiet enough and intimate enough to feel safe with. Easy to detach from reality and our planet Earth, their relationships either speak of the unseen and the impossible or present a safe haven where their bodies can rest, and their routine can be brought to balance.”

“Open for new things and often ready to openly show their sexuality, they need a fine touch of love they are worthy of in this lifetime. Romance can be obstructed by their need to prove a point or become the image of something they admire, but as they get closer to their inner truth and become aware of their talents and potentials, they invite the right partner to be within a strangely peaceful union. Although they sometimes stand opposed to marriage and structures and forms that put any relationship in a drawer, they will gladly commit to the right person by their side, in all those surprising and unusual ways.”

“This Fire sign is passionate and sincere and its representatives show their feelings with ease and clarity. When in love, they are fun, loyal, respectful and very generous towards their loved one. They will take the role of a leader in any relationship, and strongly rely on their need for independence and initiative. This can be tiring for their partner at times, especially if they start imposing their will and organizing things that aren't theirs to organize in the first place. Each Leo needs a partner who is self-aware, reasonable and on the same intellectual level as them. Their partner also has to feel free to express and fight for themselves, or too much light from their Leo's Sun might burn their own personality down.”

“Sex life of each Leo is an adventure, fun and very energetic. This is someone who has a clear understanding of boundaries between sex and love, but might fail to see how important intimacy and emotional connection is to the quality of their sex life. Every Leo needs a partner to fight through their awareness and reach their sensitive, subconscious core, in order to find true satisfaction in a meaningful relationship.”

(Spoiler alert: this is all true, except the part about taking on the role of leader in relationships. I genuinely love being dominated in bed, but only if I deem my partner worthy or adequate enough to get the job done. Other than that though, I can’t say any part of this is horribly incorrect. Oops. : / )

[queenofcats17]

Submitted by @magicalmonsterhero

-“You shut up and listen!” Wally slammed his free hand on the table. “No matter what anyone says, you are an innocent man, Henry. And we’re going to prove it. Me, Sammy, Susie, Shawn, Allison, Thomas, Grant–we know you didn’t kill Norman, and we’re not gonna let you die in prison for something you didn’t do. We’d even go back to the studio, if it was still standing. But even without anything from that place, we won’t rest until you’re free.” -“I’m almost afraid to ask, but what was in those brownies?” -“Damn…I feel like I’m in my twenties again!”

Okay, so we’ve got a bit of angst, and then some humour. 

Henry had done it, he’d saved everyone. Everyone, except Norman that was. He’d freed them all, but he hadn’t realized until it was too late that Norman had been the projector headed monster. When the police had descended on the studio, Henry had been holding Norman’s body. Even the police hadn’t been able to remove the projector from the body. And just like that, the police had whisked Henry away to prison. The others had tried to stop the officers, but they’d all been too weak, too traumatized. Henry hadn’t put up much of a fight. He’d been taken and was in prison awaiting trial for the murder of one Norman Polk. Which was how Wally wound up sitting across from Henry in the visiting area of the county jail. 

“Hey. How ya feelin’?” The former janitor smiled nervously, taking in the appearance of his friend. Henry had definitely seen better days. There were dark bags under his eyes and his hair hung limp and greasy. He hadn’t been shaving either. If Sammy had been there, he might have likened Henry to Jean Valjean. 

“I’ve been better.” Henry managed a small smile. “How is everyone doing?”

“We’re getting reacclimated and stuff.” Wally shrugged slightly. “Sammy and Susie got jobs as music teachers, Grant’s going back to being an accountant, Thomas still has his freelance biz, Allison’s going back to school to be a nurse, and Shawn’s an art teacher now. We’re all in a lotta therapy, let me tell ya that.”

“What about you?” Henry asked. “What are you doing now?”

“I’m, uh, thinkin’ of goin’ into comedy,” Wally admitted. “Everyone says I got the talent for it.”

“You’d definitely be good at it.” Henry nodded. “I’m glad you’re all doing well. I was honestly a little worried.”

“Well, we’re real worried about you,” Wally said, his smile fading a bit. “You sure you’re doin’ okay?”

“You shouldn’t worry about me, Wally,” Henry said. “I deserve this.”

“No, you don’t.” Wally insisted. “You weren’t the one to kill Norman.” He tried to reach out to touch his friend’s hand, but the guards gave him a look and he backed up. 

“It was me.” Henry buried his head in his hands. “They’re right. I killed Norman. Alice gave me that gun and I…” He had to stop, the words catching in his throat. “You should leave me here, Wally. Forget about me. All of you should-” 

“You shut up and listen!” Wally slammed his free hand on the table. “No matter what anyone says, you are an innocent man, Henry. And we’re going to prove it. Me, Sammy, Susie, Shawn, Allison, Thomas, Grant–we know you didn’t kill Norman, and we’re not gonna let you die in prison for something you didn’t do. We’d even go back to the studio, if it was still standing. But even without anything from that place, we won’t rest until you’re free.”

“I deserve this,” Henry said. 

“You can say it a million times and it still won’t be true.” Wally said. “We’re getting you out of here, Henry. I don’t care how self-pitying you are, you’re not taking the fall for Joey’s mistake.”

“You shouldn’t waste your time on me.” Henry said weakly. 

“Tough shit. We’re gonna.” Wally got up and started for the door. He paused in the doorway, looking back. “Take care of yourself, okay, Henry?” Then he was gone.

.

.

Joey had brought in some brownies for the members of the studio. This, in itself, was a little strange. Joey wasn’t a baker and he seldom brought in food for anyone unless it was a special occasion. When asked why he’d brought in these brownies, he’d simply said, 

“I felt like it.” 

Henry was immediately suspicious and refused to eat any of the brownies. Sammy similarly didn’t eat any, but that was because he was sick at the moment. Susie and Norman were both on diets, so they declined as well. Grant hadn’t come out of his office so he was out and Thomas didn’t eat sweets period. Allison was allergic to chocolate, so she passed. Which left Wally. Wally never turned down sugar. Never. He immediately gobbled down one and would have eaten more if Joey hadn’t stopped him.

“One at a time.” Joey had said, holding the pan out of Wally’s reach. 

“C’mon, just one more.” Wally tried to snatch it away, but Joey managed to keep it from him. 

“I’m not budging on this point, Franks.” He smiled placatingly. Wally groaned and turned away, going back to work grumbling. As the day went on, the other members of the studio noticed that wally was acting….strange. He kept bumping into things, reaching out to things that weren’t there, talking to the air. It was honestly a little worrying. Henry managed to corner Joey near the end of the day, Wally in tow. He had decided to just drag Wally around so the janitor wouldn’t hurt himself. 

“Ah, how is Mr Franks getting on?” Joey smiled brightly. Henry gave him a deadpan look and gestured to Wally, who was staring at the ceiling. 

“Oh my God, I can taste colours,” Wally whispered, his eyes wide as saucers. 

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but what was in those brownies?” Henry asked, looking over at Joey. 

“Just some LSD,” Joey said as if this were a completely normal thing to put in brownies.

“Joey.”

“Yes?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s a crime to give people drugs without their consent. You were really going to give all of us LSD?”

“….It was a bit of a bad idea, wasn’t it?” Joey smiled nervously. Henry sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Alright, we’ll talk about this later.” He said. “I’m taking Wally home. He needs to rest.”

Wally never really lived that day down. Sammy teased him about it whenever the opportunity arose. Wally was absolutely mortified by his behaviour and tried to make everyone stop talking about it. Joey Drew Studios lived on playful jabs and teasing one another. It was how they got through their days. So for as much as Wally wanted the incident forgotten, it wasn’t going away. 

.

.

Henry hadn’t been sure what to expect when he’d returned to Joey Drew Studios. A whole host of things had gone through his mind as he’d been driving up to the old studio. What if Joey had gone bankrupt? What if he’d done something terrible to the employees? What if people were dead? What he hadn’t expected was to be greeted by Sammy Lawrence, looking as young as the day he’d been hired. 

“Sammy?” Henry blinked, almost unable to believe what he was seeing. Sammy seemed a bit surprised as well. 

“Son of a bitch.” He said. “You actually came back.”

“Sammy, how do you-”

“Hey! Henry actually came back!” Henry was cut off as Sammy turned and yelled back into the studio. Susie’s head popped out from around the corner and she hurried over. She too looked the same she had when she’d been hired. 

“It’s so good to see you, Henry!” She threw her arms around him and held him close. “Joey’s going to be so happy!” Henry just stood there, unable to process what was happening. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real. They couldn’t be this young. 

“Henry.” A soft voice drew his attention away from the gathering crowd of his former coworkers. And there he was. Joey Drew. He looked exactly the same way he had when Henry had first met him, an awkward, slightly gangly 20 something with a charismatic smile and a gleam in his eyes. His glasses were askew and his clothing was rumpled, just like they’d been upon their first meeting. Henry almost felt like crying. 

“It’s good to see you.” Joey stepped forward, hands in his pockets, looking rather sheepish. “I know we parted on bad terms but-” Joey didn’t get to finish. Henry threw himself onto Joey, embracing his friend as though no time had passed. 

“I missed you.” Henry whispered. Joey awkwardly raised his arms, patting Henry’s back. 

“I missed you too, old friend.” 

Once Henry finally let go, which took quite awhile, Joey took him to his office to explain what was going on. 

“I made a few…questionable decisions after you left,” Joey admitted as they sat down. “I wanted to give our creations life and I used some less than savory means in order to do so.” Henry raised an eyebrow. 

“What kinds of methods?” He asked. 

“…Black magic?” Joey gave him a sheepish smile. “But don’t worry, no one was hurt. Everyone staged an intervention before I was too far gone.” His smile grew soft, almost wistful. “They dragged me back from the brink, reminding me that you would never want to come back if I did something drastic.”

“They’re smart people,” Henry said. “Smarter than either of us give them credit for.”

“Isn’t that the truth?” Joey laughed. “Anyway, I did manage to give the toons life, they’re probably in the basement right now, and I found a way to make everyone immortal as well!” His eyes lit up. “I found a way to enchant the ink from the ink machine so that it would keep us in perfect shape indefinitely!” Henry nodded, getting up and pouring himself a cup of coffee from the coffee pot in the corner of Joey’s office. 

“That must have taken a lot of trial and error.” He said. 

“Well, yes, it did,” Joey replied. “But I only tested it on myself. I wanted to make sure it was perfect before I gave it to anyone else. I wanted everyone to be safe.” It was then he noticed Henry was drinking the coffee. He resisted the urge to bite lip. Perhaps he should have told Henry that the ink was in the coffee. Oh well, his friend would find out soon enough. 

“So, why did you call me back?” Henry asked, standing up a bit straighter. The stoop he’d developed from years of drawing all hunched over had vanished and the wrinkles in his skin were smoothing out. 

“I wanted to show you all I’ve done.” Joey gestured around. “And…I wanted to give you the chance to join us.” 

“Join you?” Henry’s eyes widened slightly. The grey in his hair was fading and the paunch of age giving way to a more lean build. 

“I’ve missed you, Henry,” Joey said, his expression softening. “I want you to come back. If you don’t want to, that’s alright. I won’t keep you here. But it would be nice to have you here again.” Henry considered this for a moment, draining the rest of the cup of coffee. 

“What’s in this coffee? It’s really good.” He said. “Damn…I feel like I’m in my twenties again!” 

“That’s because you are.” Joey couldn’t suppress his smile anymore. It was so amazing to see his friend young once more. 

“Excuse me?” Henry blinked at Joey, then looked down at himself. He didn’t scream, that was good. After a moment, he smiled and shook his head. 

“I probably shouldn’t have drunk that coffee.” He looked up at Joey. “At least not without asking what was in it.” 

“But you’re not unhappy about the result, are you?” Joey asked hopefully. 

“No, I’m not.” Henry shook his head. “I forgot how good it feels to be young.” 

“Will you come back?”

“Yes, I will.” Henry held out his hand to Joey, who grinned and shook it. 

“Welcome back, my friend.”

[fanfictionlive]

When you know you inspired someone, but they pretend you're not even there.

I get it completely ideas are cheap. Plots are cheap. You can write a story that is exactly like one of mine in plot and characters but it isn't plagiarism because we are doing it different. Dialog is different, descriptions are different, etc.

But...

More than once, I've seen another story that seems a little too close to one I wrote. As one example, I wrote a story about a guy finding out he had a son he never knew about. Okay, a staple in fanfiction, nobody owns the "unknown child." But, I did some things most folks were surprised at. The canon character (one who finds out he's a dad) is famous for something that his nine year old son loves. In fact, his son has loved his father for this way before he finds out they are related. He went out for Halloween dressed like his father, not known it was his father.

And everyone was saying they couldn't wait to see how the kid reacted when he found out the truth. Everyone was so positive that Son would be thrilled, jumping for joy, etc. Instead, son distanced himself. He wouldn't admit it, but he was scared because his father was his hero, that he wouldn't measure up. He wasn't a cute little baby, he wasn't a cool adult, he was just an eight year old boy. It ended up being a comedy of errors as everything the father did to get closer, drove the kid further away.

And suddenly, I come across a story that pretty much reads the same. They change it, of course, it's not a copy of my story. The mother of the Unknown Son is canon not an OC as she is in mine. But both kids are boys. Both are the same age. Both are huge fans of their own fathers without knowing it.

Both have the identical reaction to finding out their hero is their father.

Even the logic is the same. "My dad is so cool and I'm such an awkward kid, he'll never want me. If only I was a cute little baby, or a cool teenager, it might be different, but I'm just a kid. A stupid kid!"

It's pretty obvious that they were reading my stuff and being inspired by it. (There are other things too, that were way too similar for coincidence) And I don't mind. In fact, I think that's pretty awesome. But what irritated me is that when this fic was pointed out to me, I went and read it and not wanting to be an ass, I reviewed the whole first story. Gave it pretty good reviews. I wanted to let the author know without spelling it out, "I see what you did and that's fine. I can appreciate it."

Even though said writer always responded to feedback, she never responded to mine. She just pretended I wasn't giving her feedback. She was giving everyone else that ran in the same circles we both did feedback, but me? I was dead to her.

That's what pissed me off. I don't care if I inspire you, I'm flattered. I don't care if you don't want to give me a shout out for inspiring you, plots are cheap. But to decide to deal with this by pretending I've somehow wronged you? Nope, that doesn't go over well with me. At least acknowledge to me that I'm a person too. Since you're using my creative flow to inspire yourself.

Anyone else deal with this? If so, how did you handle it? Because I still half want to confront this person (and a few others over different things) and go, "It's pretty obvious what happened and I don't GAS that you used my idea/plot, but do you have to then pretend I don't exist?"

submitted by /u/Willow_Edmond [link] [comments] from FanFiction: Where Magical Ponies battle Imperial Titans https://ift.tt/2rsaT5k

[cecillewhite]

Measurement Matters: 3 Data Analytics Lessons to Remember

Although I’ve spent my entire career in marketing and communications, measurement has never been far away. I’m not a natural-born statistics nerd. But these days, it’s hard for any of us to avoid analytics, no matter what we do for a living.

Since the start of the digital age, we’ve all been swimming in business data. Yet many of us still don’t take the time to use it in meaningful ways. Some of us avoid data analytics because it involves so many moving parts:

Valid and reliable methods

Robust tools

High-quality data

Appropriate benchmarks

And of course, relevant underlying logic.

It’s true, these elements aren’t always easy to align. But would you really rather fly blind? Imagine how much more you could achieve by investing some time and effort to put metrics on your side.

Even before data-based measurement became widespread, I saw its value at work in dozens of different business scenarios. Here are three of the most memorable examples:

Lesson 1: Find Your “North Star” Metric

Great data analytics tools are plentiful today. All those interesting apps and widgets may tempt you to spread your measurement efforts too thin. But just because you can track many metrics doesn’t mean you should.

It reminds me of the 1990s dude ranch comedy film “City Slickers,” when Billy Crystal’s middle-aged character, Mitch, shares a serious moment with a grizzled cowboy named Curly, played by Jack Palance:

CURLY: “Do you know what the secret of life is? One thing. Just one thing… MITCH: “Great. But what is the one thing? CURLY: “That’s what you’ve got to figure out.”

RSVP FOR THE APRIL WEBINAR NOW!

Curly’s little nugget of wisdom is as useful in analytics as it is in life. Every organization has its own special sauce. If you know what sets you apart, you can quantify it. Isolating the one metric that matters most to your organization may not be easy. But it can make all the difference – not just for near-term performance, but for long-term success.

I learned this while working my way through college as a waitress at an upscale restaurant in Seattle. The place was so popular that people would wait an hour or more for a table. By the time most customers were seated, they were beyond hungry. That meant delivering a superior dining experience was essential. But how do you quantify quality?

The owners decided to keep customers coming back for more by uniting employees around one deceptively simple objective – hot food. In other words, success meant cooking every meal to perfection and serving it piping hot. Each of us worked toward performance metrics tied to that central objective.

As a waitress, my goal was to serve at least 90% of meals within 2 minutes of plating. Others had similar goals. With heightened awareness of the company’s mission, all employees became obsessed with hot food. Our behavior rapidly changed, and the culture soon followed.

Hot food may seem like an obvious success factor for any restaurant. But the right choice wasn’t as easy as it seems. In this case, the “north star” metric emerged only after a series of long and intense brainstorming sessions with customers, employees and business partners. It also required trial and error. But It was worth the effort.

Eventually, that metric became a beacon for every employee, and the organization became one of the Pacific Northwest’s most successful and storied fine dining establishments.

Lesson 2:  Measurement is a Nonstop Endeavor

Not so long ago, the road to business intelligence was tedious and expensive. Analysts measured performance by comparing static “before and after” snapshots on a weekly, monthly or quarterly basis. Data was compiled in batches that often took days to process before reports could be developed and distributed. The complexity and cost of real-time reporting put it far out-of-reach for all but the largest and wealthiest organizations.

I’ve faced this challenge several times in my career – even as recently as 10 years ago on the data analytics team at one of the world’s leading web services companies. With big-ticket advertising budgets on the line, we knew that faster insights could dramatically improve campaign results for the brands we served.

Of course, other digital economy players recognized the same opportunity. They, too, inched their way forward, compressing reporting turnaround times as quickly as their budgets and capabilities would allow. Suddenly, speed had become a driving force, as companies everywhere sought a competitive advantage by accelerating time-to-insight.

REPLAY THE WEBINAR NOW!

No more. Now data is dynamic, plentiful and relatively cheap. It has become the fuel that drives remarkably sophisticated, easy-to-use online reporting tools that are also relatively cheap. (Free Google Analytics, anyone?) In fact, with nearly instant data so widely available at such a low cost, it seems that yesterday’s time-to-insight advantage has nearly evaporated.

So, where should you look to find a competitive advantage now? Ask anyone who treats analytics like breathing. Today, value comes from managing measurement as a continuous improvement process. The smartest companies proactively test, analyze, discover, improve and optimize. And that requires more than insights, alone. Which leads to my next lesson…

Lesson 3:  Analysis Without Action Is Pointless

Developing relevant KPIs (key performance indicators) is one thing. Putting them into practice is another. Data-based insights are useful only if you’re willing to act on what you uncover.

With so many analytics tools available today, organizations can become so focused on gathering data, perfecting metrics and generating reports that they lose sight of why they wanted the information in the first place. Developing a dashboard is relatively easy. Letting a dashboard guide your business decisions and behavior is much harder – especially when data tells a story you don’t want to hear.

I learned this the hard way a few years ago, while generating monthly marketing performance reports for a learning solutions provider. By combining data from multiple sources, we defined a handful of meaningful metrics. For each metric, we established benchmarks based on 12-month rolling averages for the previous year.

This became the foundation for a simple KPI dashboard that was timely, relevant and easy to digest. It was exactly what executives had requested. But I didn’t stop there. Each month, I wrote a companion analysis that interpreted the latest findings, explored the implications of those findings and suggested a course of action.

How did business leaders respond? Crickets. Their silence was deafening.

The problem wasn’t data overload. It wasn’t about analysis paralysis. It wasn’t even a “set-it-and-forget-it” mindset. It was something that data alone couldn’t fix. Leaders thought they wanted to track marketing program impact. But when results were difficult to digest, they chose to ignore troubling indicators instead of finding ways to improve.

Perhaps executives expected only “feel good” results. Or maybe middle managers sanitized negative data points and trend lines, so executives wouldn’t kill the messenger. But selective truth doesn’t change reality. And in this case, it didn’t lead to better business outcomes.

So perhaps the most important lesson of all is the hardest lesson to accept. Insight is only half of the measurement battle. Unless your organization is willing to face tough facts, you will never be able to move the meter in the right direction. You may not be doomed. But if you choose to do nothing, you are likely to keep stumbling through the wilderness.

Closing Notes

Business data can tell deeply powerful stories through analytics. Sometimes data will shout right out loud. Other times, it speaks only through a quiet whisper, a fleeting pause or a subtle shift in direction. But even in those tiny signals, data can speak volumes.

So tell me, what are you doing to give your data a useful voice? How closely are you listening to its message about your organization’s performance? And how do you respond?

If you have an analytics lesson to share, feel free to tell me about it at kkruse@talentedlearning.com.

  Want to Learn More? Attend our Live Webinar April 10th

Bridging the Learning Analytics Gap: How Guided Insights Lead to Better Results

RSVP NOW!

Even with cutting-edge measurement tools, many struggle to find enough time and expertise to generate useful learning insights. How can you bridge this critical analytics gap?

Join John Leh, CEO and Lead Analyst at Talented Learning, and Tamer Ali, Co-Founder and Director at Authentic Learning Labs. You’ll discover:

Top learning analytics challenges

How AI-driven data visualization tools are transforming learning insights

How to define and interpret relevant metrics

Practical examples of AI-based analytics in action

How to build a convincing case for guided analytics

NOTE:  Attendees at the live webinar qualify for 1 CAE credit. ALSO: Even if you miss the live event, we’ll send you a link to the recording.

REGISTER NOW!

Need Proven LMS Selection Guidance?

Looking for a learning platform that truly fits your organization’s needs?  We’re here to help!  Submit the form below to schedule a free preliminary consultation at your convenience.

First Name*

Last Name*

Email Address*

Company

jQuery(document).bind('gform_post_render', function(event, formId, currentPage){if(formId == 18) {} } );jQuery(document).bind('gform_post_conditional_logic', function(event, formId, fields, isInit){} ); jQuery(document).ready(function(){jQuery(document).trigger('gform_post_render', [18, 1]) } );

The post Measurement Matters: 3 Data Analytics Lessons to Remember appeared first on Talented Learning.

Measurement Matters: 3 Data Analytics Lessons to Remember original post at Talented Learning

[kurosakiichigochouhonnnin]

I was tagged within a post answering this meme by @mysteriousshopkeeper So I figured I'd do it. Name: Kamiyama (this is a more common reading of the kanji of my last name, so I've come to answer to it despite not being my actual family name) Gender: male Eye colour: part brown and part I-have-poor-colour-vision-and-other-people-tell-me-everything. But something + brown near pupil= hazel? Relationship status: "Lonesome Loser" by Little River Band is an apt metaphor. I'm into the "seems like a jerk but has a heart of gold." Unfortunately there are more people out there who seem like a jerk, but are actually... a bigger jerk. And of course, I'm fighting biphobia and transphobia and anti Asian racism and "you're only of colour enough to not be white. Not to be a person of colour." But the first is a big factor. Zodiac: Leo or Virgo depending on who's counting. I share month and day with real people Rick Springfield and Gene Kelly and Bleach character Komamura Saijin Favourite colour: it really depends on for what. I'm partial to yellow/orange/red/brown for home and clothing but I also prefer my dress shoes and trousers always black, avocado green home stuff feels cosy, and leisure clothes sometimes on me blue or green looks good. I don't really have one. Favourite season: I live in SoCal. Thanks to global warming, summers here are hotter than they are in inland Ciudad de Mexico. And I'm 103 kg. I'm gonna have to say winter. Favourite place: again, I don't really have one. If you asked me ten years ago, I'd say Chinatown, Oakland. But thanks to gentrification, now there is all just American corporate branches with Google Translate signs and restaurants that lie about their food being gluten free and aim for a customer base of rich white hipsters. I'd also like to go back to the site of The Disaster Onsen Trip of '88 (a family vacation to Oosaka that could have been a comedy of errors) but that wasn't a favourite place in '88. My apartment, I guess? Favourite holiday: If with loved ones, New Year's Eve and Day, celebrated Japanese family style. If not, Christmas because everyone's celebrating and holidays with people I care about. Favourite video game: Oh, God. I'm awful at digital tech. I honestly miss arcades. But I keep a copy of Tekken around and I used to try to get my character to eat everything in Zorg. To the point that most of the responses the game gave to me were "you can see no such object." What's your honest opinion about your muse?: I honestly don't know why more people aren't writing 2017 Ichigo taking real world action. He's all about that! He might not do the kind of planning I am, but come on! Would you date your muse?: honestly I see a lot of myself in him. My type is actually the Jerk With A Heart of Gold, as I said above. Ichigo is the "trust me I'm a jerk, you can tell by my grumpy face, this is why I'm a sucker for little kids!" This is why I like the idea of literary foil Grimmjow actually being like that and not as blood thirsty and not wanting to die by the sword once no longer enslaved by the British empire--I mean Aizen. I mean, come on, being an enslaved soldier is going to change the way you interact with people! I don't see anyone except Barragan, Ulquiora and Noitora being jerks before Aizen. (I HC that Aaroniero wasn't enhanced but a chimera created by Aizen and didn't exist at all before him) What are your favourite kind of threads?: Oh, comfortable but don't make me look like anymore of an unmade bed than I would in a suit (and I can do that) Just kidding! Story-rich, long running. Mostly plotted, but leaves some room for spontaneous turns in plot. I have two verses and right now I only play with one person, though there is someone else who wants to play and is just incredibly busy. I love our Ichigo, Grimmjow, and Urahara save the world from the current American regime thread that is going with @mysteriousshopkeeper I'm not great at writing action (I don't think I'd be remotely intact if I didn't know how to fight, I just get tangled around words describing it. Even in Japanese, but moreso in not-Japanese. I also have a hard no-ero rule because a good number of minors follow me and the idea of posting it while old enough to be their dad grosses me out. I would like more rpers. Male-mun-Grimmjow for ship sure, but also all the other people who make up Ichigo's world. I'm not sure how much is the transient nature of this particular fandom and how much is "how dare that queer Asian guy demand to be treated as a whole person and not a toy!" I know it's not age--I know most of the people rping are in their 20s and don't mind someone over 30. But I would like to flesh more out and not have to submit to nasty stuff to do it. Are you a selective role player?: see above. Being any part East Asian alone means I have to be for my health. Then the queer part as well. I'm also an adult with a career and all, so I really do need understanding that I can only be on and respond a couple hours out of a couple days a week. Do you have a favourite muse?: this one. I feel like our inability to stay silent in the face of injustice and also "I'm a big softie"ness as well as family mindedness are really similar. What made you decide to join the fandom?: I actually saw Bleach first in '07 when my then boyfriend and I went to a now-long-gone store in Berkeley, CA and the owner had accidentally bought fansubs and wanted to unload them for 23$ so his books wouldn't be too unbalanced. Our computer (the home computer was starting to fade, but neither of us were sixteen and cutting edge) was a bit too old to get along with much in the way of downloaded video, so we got it so we could put it on the TV. I stayed to the Japanese side of the fandom, doing humorous fanart until my carpal tunnel got too bad to draw. Then I lurked around the English side, but his because western fandom for Asian works is actually one of the most hostile places toward East Asians. Then I'm also a queer man, so I'm pushed out by straight women who take out their homophobic fetishes on fictional characters until a actual queer person shows up. Then I got sick of hiding and here I am. I've met a few actual good people. Most of the six are fic writers and not rpers, but @mysteriousshopkeeper is a great rp partner and I look forward to @likeanoldersxster Having some time to start our threads. Do you see yourself staying with the fandom for a long time?: yeah. As long as the fandom doesn't die. Then I will be sad and fandomless. That does actually happen the longer it's been since a series ended. Though there are still your once-in-a-blue-moon M*A*S*H bloggers out there. The content possibilities do wane, but there's always someone out there. I picture myself being one of them. Tagged by: indirectly by @mysteriousshopkeeper Tagging: @likeanoldersxster

[ham001s]

Hyungs

Request:  3,6 comedy/semi-smut reader x jungkook please thaaaank you i live your blog 3. Show me what you can do 6.Put your fucking clothes on      “Jungkook~” you whispered seductively against his ear, in hopes that this time he would actually respond to your teasing and by the looks of it he was very close to giving in to your needy desires. Jungkook had been enjoying his book, when you came up to him, grabbing his knee, rubbing his arms, whispering in his ears, you were putting on a good show for him and it was very funny to see you go away with a defeated look on your face and come back moments later with a whole new plan of action to try and get him in the mood and he was in the mood for sex a long time ago but he couldn’t give in just yet, he wanted to see how far you would go to get what you wanted. You were going crazy, if he also wanted it why was he holding back? I just didn’t make sense to you, it’s not like it was your first time doing it, hell that boy is needier than an animal in heat, were you not sexy enough, should you take out the lingerie? Maybe you just needed to take away his distractions… The book!. If he didn’t have the book he would have nothing to distract himself. You strutted into the living room and stood right in front of him, there’s no way he’s going to escape you now. Jungkook didn’t even budge, he was trying so hard not to look at you but, damn you even put on his favorite lingerie, you were going all out on this, but he wasn’t giving up, he had his book, the only source of distraction from his sexy girlfriend, but soon enough the book was plucked from his hands and thrown on the floor. “Jungkook~” you cooed. He gulped so loud even you could hear it.  “I was reading that book you know” he huffed “Oh I know baby, but that book was distracting you from helping me” you put you legs on each side of the couch so you could straddle him, he tensed when you sat down on his lap, he could feel you getting wetter. “What did you need help with?” he teased. Even though he could feel himself getting harder by the minute he was going to tease the hell out  of you until you begged for him. You started to grind your hips against his, trying to create some friction and feel some relief, also giving Jungkook a hint at what you want.”Jungkook I think you know damn well what I need” you growled, pulling his face forward for a heated kiss, his lips molded perfectly with yours, he licked your lips and you pulled on his lower lip with your teeth, knowing very well that he love it, but you eventually broke the kiss for some air, you needed to get this moving or else you were going to go crazy.  You pulled his shirt over his head and stroked his hard and toned chest down to where his pajama pants were, you palmed his cock  over his pants and he threw his head back groaning in pleasure. “ Stop teasing” he breathed. You pulled down his pants along with his boxers  and there it stood, nice and hard he looked incredible, face fully flushed and  eyes on you. You licked the precum that was leaking from the tip, his eyes darkened. “Be a good girl and suck me off baby, I’ll reward you” he grunted.  “Uh, uh, uh there will be none of that” you smirked at his vulnerable state.You walked behind the couch and lowered yourself close to his ear. “You’ve been teasing me a lot today and now you’re gonna be begging for me” you purred. “Ha, begging? You’re out of your mind, I could have you bent over this couch and fuck you so hard you’d be begging for me” he growled. Jungkook wasn’t one to submit to anyone and he had no plans of submitting to you. You walked back in front of him and crossed your arms under you chest and lightly pushed up so your boobs looked even more desirable. “Is that so, then show me what you can do” you taunted. With that Jungkook pulled you on top of him and started nipping and biting on the top of your breasts and his hands roamed your back to take of your lacy bra, he thew that with the rest of forgotten clothes. He swirled his tongue over you left nipple and rubbed your other nipple, you arched your back and pulled on his hair. Jungkook stopped sucking on your boobs and laid you gently on the couch and ran his hands over the sides of your body and stopped where he felt your panties, he looked up as if he was asking for permission you nodded your head and he was about to pull them of when he hears a low whistle and some one yelling. “Damn Kook Y/n even put on lingerie for you” Yoongi said as he picked up your lacy bra. Jungkook sprang up and tried to cover you from the eyes of his friends. “Woah you’re butt naked, shit dude I don’t want to see your dick  put your fucking clothes on!!” Taehyung covered his eyes. “I’m looking for them you assholes”Jungkook huffed at his hyungs. He put on his pants and tossed you his shirt. “Well kiddo we just came over to give you the game you lent us and to see if you wanted to go eat something but I see you’re busy so we’ll leave so you can continue your activities” Yoongi winked at you and patted Jungkook’s shoulder. “Ughh Hyung” Jungkook groans embarrassed he got caught. “Come on Tae let’s go get us some lamb skewers ” Yoongi said. “Ughh I need to wash my eyes with bleach and holy water” Tae groans as he made his way out of your house. “So… Do you want to continue?” 

DO MESSAGE ME IF I HAVE ANY ERRORS

[gregwhite]

GRATITUDE IN WRITING

Please pardon me for being the millionth person to bring up gratitude in LA this year. Gratitude is having something of a moment you might say. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but by the 10th time you see it used to sell green juice in Venice you start to get a little white person wary. But it makes me think about something crucial to sustaining a career in this or any industry.

Last night I was delighted to do a talk with a class of BU students* who are here doing a semester in various entertainment industry jobs while learning about how this town works and etc etc and I brought something up to them that I’d like to share here.

I finished college in 2006 and decided, being from Jersey, that I would get my start in New York before riding triumphant to LA. I had always been told, “if you want to work in TV, move to LA,” but that was too frightening to contemplate and so HA I thought. HA IN YOUR FACE. So NYC it was**. I got a job as a page at Letterman, and when that ended I was a temp at HBO, and when that ended (after a day) I got a job as a prep cook/PA on a PBS cooking show (which was pretty outstanding) and when that ended I got a job in my friend’s wine store in Tappan, NY, the Grape d’Vine (currently relocated to Sparkill, NY). Also I was unemployed a lot. 

And when you’re ambitious and also uncertain about the path forward, the only boot in the ass you need is the one that comes with being unemployed a year out of college, living in your childhood bedroom (it’s a great bedroom actually), while your little sister finishes college up in Boston and your other friends move into the city. (It also compels you to write a lot.) So it was with that in mind that I moved here in January of 2008. 

So back to gratitude. I won’t go into the whole thing now, but basically, during the year and change I was living at home in NJ before I moved here, my rule was (I like rules) that I had to email 10 BU alumni every day asking them if I could buy them a coffee (if they were in NY) to talk to them about how they got their start and if they were in LA, if I could just give them a call and talk to them. So people are generally really nice and open and happy to share their experiences (aka talk about themselves) and by the time I made the very scary move to LA, I had actually amassed a nice little group of contacts who said that if I ever moved to LA, they would be happy to meet with me. 

And in this way, I ended up meeting with fancy writers, and network execs, and studio heads and all kinds of people. And one of them was a BU alum named Debbie Liebling, and she was very encouraging and sweet (and even let me pitch a feature to her, which was a DISASTER because I figured I could just wing it in the room...it still makes me nauseous to think of that) and at the end of our meeting, she mentioned another friend of hers from her time at Comedy Central named Zoe Friedman. I met up with Zoe at her office at Comedy Central and we had a memorably enjoyable conversation about what I hoped to do, and our time on the east coast (she was a New Yorker), and before long a friendship developed, one that I was and still am very grateful for in its openness and kindness. 

At the same time I was doing a bunch of random jobs as one does in their early days of LA. I was a PA on a Comedy Central show called Lil Bush, run by a very nice man (and BU alum) named Donick Cary, and I was, most depressingly, a temp at Sony filing legal affairs paperwork, which meant that I would spend by mornings writing scripts I wasn’t sure anyone would ever read, go to work filing PILOT DEAL PAPERWORK FROM FANCY WRITERS, and then go home and continue writing. It was frustrating in one sense, but also highly motivating, and I think in that first year in LA, I must have written 10 pilots.

Anyway, this is getting long, which was not my intention. 

Long story short, I end up working for Zoe’s dad Budd, legendary founder of the Improv, and thank god for that job because I needed one (again, thank you Zoe). The job was basically helping Budd book acts for the Improv’s casino sites, and while booking comics wasn’t my goal in moving to LA, it was fun, put me in touch with some very lively characters, and also allowed me time to write during quiet spells throughout the day. It was during my time working for Budd that I received an email from someone at Comedy Central informing me that a showrunner for a new show had read something of mine and wanted to meet and would I like to set up a time?

I had to read the email a few times, because (a) the words seemed Nigerian Prince levels of too good to be true, and (b) because these kinds of emails often have a weird subject format which looks like MTG TO SET: GREG WHITE WITH _____ and I assumed it was a spambot trying to get me to sign up for a credit card. I emailed back informing them that yes I would love to meet with the showrunner but um, let me just check my sched--okay, checked it, yeah anytime is fine. But I also asked how this guy had even gotten a script of mine, and the response was that Zoe had submitted a script on my behalf. One of those scripts I was writing at home in NJ after college.

So very long story short, I met with the showrunner, a fellow named David M Stern, and within a week I was writing on my first show as a real life TV writer. (Thanks, David.)

But the point of this is gratitude. Nobody anywhere is self-made. Sure, you work hard and you hope to get a shot, but like Obama said during the debates in 2012, “you didn’t build that.” If you have a trucking company, guess what, you benefit from the public works programs that built the highways that allow you to run your company. And if you’re a writer, there are a million gatekeepers and the walls are way too high to jump over on your own. You need help. That isn’t to say this isn’t a meritocratic town, because to an extent it is, and so if you keep working and writing and trying to get your stuff in front of people, eventually something will fall your way because you refuse to stop until that something does, but...you’re not self-made. And realizing this is the key to sustaining a happy and healthy and productive career (and life) in the arts. You are a product of everyone who has ever said something encouraging, or given you an idea, or played you a song, or made a phone call on your behalf. Your career is a balance sheet on the amount of kindness you’ve received, whether it was deserved or not. And the way you can try and deserve that kindness, is by not being a dick about it. Acknowledge that, and you’ll be very glad you did.  

Let’s just consider this for a second. David had gotten a show to series, itself a small miracle. And he had read probably hundreds of scripts and certainly wasn’t asking for Zoe to send him one from some random guy from New Jersey. And it’s not like Zoe needed to submit me. And it wasn’t like David needed to even bother reading me. And that he liked it? And wanted to meet with me? And hire me? Consider all of the things that had to happen for me to get my first job, a foot in the door. Such tiny odds. Now, if you’re an insane person you go, YES THE ODDS WERE SMALL AND I VANQUISHED THEM! But if you’re a normal functioning human, you go, Jesus God, that almost didn’t happen, and hug the things you’re grateful for a little tighter and whisper THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU (just don’t do this on a bus or in public). Seriously, consider that. The good things in your life almost didn’t happen, and it is basically just weird luck that it did. Be grateful for the random accounting error that is your life. In fact, consider anything you love in life...and now consider that thing removed from your life. Kinda sucks, right? Exactly. You fall into a routine and you complain about something dumb and you forget about the fact that your entire life is pretty much full of glorious things that, taken on their own in a vacuum, appear to be miracles. But taken collectively they become the things most people don’t even look at. (Not to get all Pete Holmes-meets-Eliza here, but seriously. Don’t forget how lucky you are to be alive right now.)

I called Zoe to thank her the day I got that email, and I called her to thank her when I met with David, and I called her to thank her when I got the job, and I called her to thank her when I got my second job, and to this day, I still email her when something goes my way. Sold a pilot? Thank Zoe. Wrapped season 2 on a show? Thank Zoe. And not only Zoe, but my high school film teacher for showing me this was a thing I could do and was good at. And my mom and dad. And the friend who invited me to join the writers workshop when I first moved out here. And so on. And more than just this being the right way to live, it also feels really good. Your gratitude connects you to these people and reminds you that you’re never alone, that you carry in your body all the good things that ever happened to you and the more you acknowledge those good things, the more they stay alive. And of course, if ever you see yourself ten years ago in a newly-arrived LA human, you do what you can do show them kindness because in the end, nobody wins unless everybody wins.

So I guess my point is, whether you’re just starting out or many years into a career, you’ve got someone to be grateful for, and I hope you let them know it. It’ll make you a better person, and that will make you a better writer. 

*I also went to BU, class of 06, but did not do this LA program as (a) it seemed insane to pay a semester of college tuition to come intern and (b) I REALLY love Boston and (b) I REALLY liked being in college and taking classes. They told me I couldn’t take more than 5 per semester, so I just started showing up to classes I wasn’t enrolled in and waited for someone to kick me out. They never did. Goddamn, I loved being a full-time student. I always say that if I ever become grossly wealthy I’m going to grad school to get a masters degree in something useless. Basically for me college was going to lectures and talks and film screenings and making our late night talk show with my friends. Actually, it’s not very different from my life now, only I own more kettlebells. 

**It was not glamorous per se. I would take the bus from Harrington Park NJ to the Port Authority daily and then back. Gross. But NYC is lovely in the fall and spring and a nightmare in the winter and summer and I loved working there, even if it was as a page for $270 a week. 

[refractionslondon]

The dark, intrinsic humour of W.G.Sebald

Sizewell beach, with mysterious fridge that appeared one day - photo by author

When I first read W.G.Sebald, around 10 or 12 years ago, as a result of reading some review in either the London Review of Books, or was it the New York Review of Books, I forget which and certainly cannot recall which book was under discussion,  I was like many before and since mesmerised by the dreamlike narrative flow, its meandering sentences that wind their way through sub-clauses and conjoin to form paragraphs that offer no natural pause for breath for many pages, its seamless shifts of direction, subject and focus, the aura of melancholy, the obsession with decay and destruction as the only historical constant, the omnipresent references to learning and facts that were often so obscure that verification would have been impossible or at least hard to achieve, even if there had been any point in seeking to ascertain to what extent the author – or was it the narrator, at whatever level, and in that near indistinguishable tone that left one uncertain unless the author constantly reminds us as often is the case who is indeed the narrator at a given point - was indeed imparting knowledge or learning grounded in what might be historically or factually verifiable material, and not least by the somewhat flat monotone of the English language of the translated text that was both natural yet incongruous, given the sad or so to speak dismal quality of so much of the content, and yet which seemed to match the gentle undulations of the ever-eroding Suffolk coastline that is the scene of his pilgrimage in the Rings of Saturn.  Which is still my favourite.

What I had not registered, when I had read his main four works first time round, was any sense of the comic as part of, indeed intrinsic to, Sebald’s armoury.  The books indeed gave the opposite impression – a hypnotic but constantly depressing perspective on the human condition and human history.  But I now smile a lot as I read, in between the melancholy.

In recent months, and in part inspired by my desire to become more fluent (as reader, alas not yet as speaker) in the German language, and in part with an amateur’s interest in the techniques of translation, I have re-read both the Rings of Saturn and Austerlitz, this time in German as well as English, with the two language versions side by side. Or more precisely, around one page at a time in German followed by the same page in English, to see how far I had correctly divined the meaning.  It was a very slow but often inspiring process.  I saw - and also heard, as I read many passages half aloud to myself - how the German language version (which is the original) has a very different rhythm and tone from the English; it is far more expressive, alliterative and even onomatopoeic in the original, which is no criticism of his very fine English translators.  

But above all, I had to read each word and clause closely, often several times, in order to understand the text, and thus gain a far stronger sense of what effect the author was aiming to achieve.  And I have concluded – for all the terrible matters that Sebald recalls and recounts – that interwoven in the whole serious Sebaldian enterprise there is also a mischievous and dark sense of humour, almost always swimming beneath the surface and which from time to time emerges from the depths as evidently comic writing.  

Sebald’s picture of Dunwich empty beach in Rings of Saturn

Or indeed, comic photography.  For can we really believe, to take a random example, that Sebald’s photo (p.155 in the English version) of the North Sea at Dunwich, showing a dull unpeopled shingle beach devoid of interest or aesthetic quality, was chosen for any non-comic purpose?  Dunwich, of course, was a godsend to Sebald’s general narrative of decay and transience; an example of a once-thriving port that has been destroyed and washed away by the forces of time, tide, storm and erosion.  But the photo selected and inserted deliberately exaggerates and ironises the (in reality non-existent) contemporary boring-ness of the remaining hamlet.

Author’s photo of empty Sizewell beach, from which one wife has been ‘disappeared’ 

Now no one can accuse Sebald of not being mischievous (and misleading).  On the very next page we find a picture of the “Eccles Church Tower” standing in the sand, just yards from the sea, which, he tells us, “still stood on Dunwich beach” until about 1890; moreover, “after Eccles Tower had also collapsed, the only Dunwich church that remained was the ruin of All Saints”.  

I had never heard of Eccles Tower at Dunwich, but had assumed Sebald would not have made this up… but Sebald never claimed that he was writing pure documentary or accurate material. And he certainly wasn’t in accurate mode on this occasion.  The Eccles Tower was so named because… it was never in Dunwich but in Eccles-by-the-Sea, 50 miles away on the north-east coast of Sebald’s own home county of Norfolk! The village and church of Eccles did however suffer a similar fate to Dunwich in that, over centuries, it was washed  into the sea. (I learnt all this from a blog by Homo Ludens dated October 2007, though it is written about in more ‘literary’ reviews).

It is inconceivable that Sebald was confused or negligent about the Eccles Tower; since the facts are easily ascertainable by anyone truly interested, he can surely not have been hoping to deceive yet avoid discovery, nor does the insertion add any obvious narrative or other advantage (save maybe to underlines the unreliability of both the narrator and of memory in general).  It seems to me that this is one of many examples of Sebald simply teasing his readers with games, amid his many horrific themes, setting them puzzles if they wish to delve further.

I am sadder (but wiser) to learn that there is no evidence that the train on the branch line from Halesworth to Walberswick was ever in the service of the Chinese Emperor in Beijing, as is proposed by Sebald.  

Photo https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_rail_transport_in_China#/media/File:OpeningDay.jpg 

It is a ‘truth’ that all readers surely yearn to believe, and the link is a literary necessity for Sebald to slide into the tale of imperialist interventions in China in the mid 19th century. Yet the fact that this tale of the Chinese train is pure invention is plain to see, once we realise that Sebald mixes playful post-truth with his more serious intent to recall past sufferings that humans have imposed on each other. He lures us into his false linkage as follows:

“According to local historians, the train that ran on [the branch line] had originally been built for the Emperor of China.  Precisely which emperor had given this commission I have not succeeded in finding out, despite lengthy research; nor have I been able to discover why the order was never delivered or why this diminutive imperial train, which may have been intended to connect the Palace in Peking, then still surrounded by pinewoods, to one of the summer residences, ended up in service on a branch line of the Great Eastern Railway.  The only thing the uncertain sources agree on is that the outlines of the imperial heraldic dragon, complete with a tail and somewhat clouded over by its own breath, could clearly be made out beneath the black paintwork of the carriages, which were used mainly by seaside holidaymakers and travelled at a maximum speed of sixteen miles per hour.”

http://thelostbyway.com/2013/09/w-g-sebalds-southwold.html

In retrospect, I cannot but admire and smile at the references to unnamed “local historians”, to the author’s “lengthy research” - which, alas!, does not help him succeed in finding out more - and to the unspecified “uncertain sources”.

Over the years, I have read many articles and exchanges about Sebald’s writing, but very few comment on the comedic dimension of his work, and those who do sometimes seem uncertain whether the effect is comic despite the author’s intention, or because he was, in the end, an implicitly witty writer, alongside his other qualities.

In her Introduction to “The Emergence of Memory: Conversations with W.G Sebald”, the American writer Lynne Sharon Schwartz emphasizes

“His dreamlike narratives, meandering yet meticulous, echo the lingering state of shock that is our legacy – not only from the wars of recent memory but from the centuries of colonialism that preceded them, indeed, history’s ‘long account of calamities’”.

But she adds,

“In the Rings of Saturn, to my mind Sebald’s best work, his imagination is given free rein and his digressive bent carried to its most extreme – almost comic – reaches.  The swirling paths of thought cast a spell: if the reader is willing to submit, the author’s sensibility will carry him toward ever more tangled and distressing tales of decay, entropy, and destruction.” (My emphasis).

In a brief survey of the various authors’ contributions to her book, Schwartz notes that

“[Tim] Parks, incidentally, is the only writer to mention Sebald’s humor, which glimmers slyly through his pessimism and is often overlooked.”

And Parks himself refers to  Sebald’s “accustomed blend of slyness and grim comedy” and describes how

“All too soon, however, and this is one of the most effective elements of comedy in Sebald’s work, the concrete will become elusive; the narrative momentum is dispersed in a delta as impenetrable as it is fertile.”

For me, and seemingly also for Parks, it is certain that Sebald knowingly wove comedy into his darker narrative meanders; and I am equally confident that many (though not necessarily all) of his factual errors (like the Eccles Tower) were likewise deliberately placed, either as a means of sliding the narrative apparently seamlessly in the direction he wanted next to explore, or simply as a game played with the reader.

Others are less sure whether the use of comedy and the falsified “facts” were deliberate.  Michael Hutchins, in his contribution on Sebald in another collection of essays, “Authentisches Erzählen: Produktion, Narration, Rezeption”, claims that

“It often remains unclear whether Sebald’s faulty statements represent “learned jokes” or the work of a dyslexic scholar.”  

And even the late Jenny Diski seemed uncertain about his comedic intent (or lack thereof).  In an article in 2000 for the London Review of Books, she says:

“After a while this super-sensitised melancholy becomes comic. One’s patience is tried as it is with those tormented heroes of Dostoevsky, if you read them after adolescence. For God’s sake, Raskolnikov, get a hold on yourself, pull yourself together. Sebald’s narrator is for all the world a middle-aged existential wanderer, out of place, out of time, and wallowing in every miserable moment, sizing himself up against other grim, unhappy wanderers: Casanova in prison, Stendhal hopelessly besotted, Kafka tormented about his longings and terror of love in a clinic in Riva. There is comedy in the grim solemnity and it may well not be accidental, because, after all, if life is not appalling, it is absurd.” (My emphasis).

In his book “Understanding W.G.Sebald”, Mark Richard McCulloh sees the frequently satirical elements in Sebald’s writing, and clearly views this as intended by the author: 

“The overriding mood many perceive in Sebald’s work is still the melancholy, the mournful, the autumnal.  If one examines Sebald’s corpus as a whole, however, it becomes apparent that similar appellatives such as “melancholy” and “somber”…are simply too sweeping.  There are satirical elements that emerge in his prose, products of his humor and astute powers of observation..”

Sebald has many critics who perceive only the dark side, and none of the humour which I consider to be the natural counterweight to his pessimism.  Alas, Alan Bennett is one who only sees Sebald hoving to the darkly depressive side:

“Sebald seems to stage manage both the landscape and the weather to suit his (seldom cheerful) mood… ‘Never yet on my many visits […] have I found anyone about.’ The fact is, in Sebald nobody is ever about.  This may be poetic but it seems to me a short-cut to significance.”

Whereas for me, the fact that for the narrator “nobody is ever about” is itself a reflection of the twinkle in Sebald’s authorial eye.

Michael Hofmann likewise fails to see much (well, in fact anything) positive in Sebald.  In an article in Prospect magazine in September 2001, entitled “Sebald’s fog”, he not only dismissed his writing as a whole, but pointedly refers to his lack of humo(u)r:

“But what was even stranger was that Sebald operated without any of the rigmarole or pleasantness of the novel.  The complete absence of humor, charm, grace, touch is startling – as startling as the fact that books written without them could enjoy any sort of success in England…”

And horror of horrors, in her 2003 New York Times review of “On the Natural History of Destruction”, the literary critic Daphne Merkin (1) sees any humour displayed by Sebald as simply being in poor cultural taste:

Needless to say, the colorless, nomadic universe he inhabits, where the pizzerias are dreary and the hotels unwelcoming, offers few flashes of humor except of the most heavy-handed, ironic variety (the eponymous Jacques Austerlitz recalls ordering an ice cream that turned out to be ''a plasterlike substance tasting of potato starch and notable chiefly for the fact that even after more than an hour it did not melt'').

I think this wilfully misses the broader point that in Sebald, the humour is in fact intrinsic to the very relentlessness of his dystopian narrative. Those constantly dreary pizzerias or hotels never fail to make me smile, knowing their type all too well…

It is true that on occasions – though they are not frequent – Sebald unleashes an overt, darkly ironic polemic, directed against some unsuspecting icon of modern life, great or small.  In the Rings of Saturn, his description of the once (but no longer) prosperous and fashionable coastal resort of Lowestoft attracts his most biting prose.  

Victoria Hotel Lowestoft with 1954 price list - including for servants. Photo http://www.oldlowestoft.co.uk/?post_WW2...:Hotel_Victoria_1954

The particular victim is the Victoria Hotel (in the English version, it is called The Albion; could it be the publishers feared a libel suit?) which seems in reality to have been a rather genteel establishment, but this is Sebald’s take on it in the mid 1990s:

I stood for a good time in the empty lobby and wandered through the public rooms, which were completely deserted even now at the height of the season – if one can speak of a season in Lowestoft – before I happened upon a startled young woman who, after hunting pointlessly through the register on the reception desk, handed me a huge room key attached to a wooden pear…. That evening I was the sole guest in the huge dining room, and it was the same startled person who took my order and shortly afterwards brought me a fish that had doubtless lain entombed in the deep-freeze for years.  The breadcrumb armour-plating of the fish had been partly singed by the grill, and the prongs of my fork bent on it.  Indeed it was so difficult to penetrate what eventually proved to be nothing but an empty shell that my plate was a hideous mess once the operation was over.  The tartare sauce that I had had to squeeze out of a plastic sachet was turned grey by the sooty breadcrumbs, and the fish itself, or what feigned to be fish, lay a sorry wreck among the grass-green peas and the remains of soggy chips that gleamed with fat.

(The German language original is even better in its display of contempt for the offering – no attempt here at subtlety!). (see footnote 2)

Or take Sebald’s diatribe against the (then) new Bibliothèque Nationale in Paris… For me, this is again comedic, though not in any way that risks causing laughter.  It is its sheer relentless grumpiness that – as it progresses - induces a smile in the reader, at least in me. The attributed narrator of this passage, Austerlitz, as cited by the principal narrator (who gives us no name but while doubtless resembling is not necessarily identical to Sebald) searching for traces of his father lost (and almost certainly murdered in a death camp) in the war, takes time out in the book to express at some length his utter loathing of the new library.  One feels that Sebald is here hardly bothering to maintain the thin dividing line between himself and the narrator(s) – that he is simply using the opportunity to express his own contempt for the Mitterandian pharaonic building and its Kafkaesque minders; we sense that Sebald himself must have been displaced from the much-loved old Bibliothèque nationale in the rue de Richelieu (which by coincidence is the very same street in which the Paris office of the Conseil des Communes et des Régions de l’Europe (CCRE) was situated when I was its Secretary General…)

“I do not think, said Austerlitz, that many of the old readers go to the new library on the Quai François Mauriac.  In order to reach the Grande Bibliothèque you have to travel through a desolate no-man’s-land in one of those robot-driven Métro trains steered by a ghostly voice, or alternatively you have to catch a bus in the Place Valhubert and then walk along the windswept river bank towards the hideous, outsize building, the monumental dimensions of which were evidently inspired by the late President’s wish to perpetuate his memory whilst, perhaps because it had served this purpose, it was so conceived that it is, as I realized on my first visit, said Austerlitz, both in its outer appearance and inner constitution unwelcoming if not inimical to human beings, and runs counter, on principle, one might say, to the requirements of any true reader.”

Photo via https://ilovearchitecture.wordpress.com/page/2/

And so on and on, not releasing its prey for pages, nor pausing for paragraph breaks:

“When I first stood on the promenade deck of the new Bibliothèque Nationale, said Austerlitz, it took me a little while to find the place where the visitor is carried down on a conveyor belt to what appears to be a basement storey but, in reality, is the ground floor.  This downwards journey, when you have just laboriously ascended to the plateau, struck me as an absolute absurdity, something that must have been devised – I can think of no other explanation, said Austerlitz – on purpose to instil a sense of insecurity and humiliation in the poor readers, especially as it ends in front of a sliding door of makeshift appearance which had a chain across it on the day of my first visit, and where you have to let yourself be searched by semi-uniformed security men.  The floor of the large hall which you then enter is laid with rust-red carpet, on which a few low seats are placed far apart… And of course, Austerlitz continued, you cannot leave the red Sinai hall for the inner citadel of the library without more ado; first you have to put your request at an information point staffed by half a dozen ladies, whereupon, if this request to any degree exceeds the very simplest contingency, you take a number, like a visitor to  a tax office; you then have to wait, often for half an hour or more, until another member of staff calls you into a separate cubicle, as if you were on business of an extremely dubious nature, or at least had to be dealt with away from the public gaze, and here you must say again what it is you have come for and receive the relevant instructions.”

Even quoting these passages at some length fails to give their real feel, since it is precisely their being embedded in the constant unending flow of thoughts and prose that gives (for me) the clear feeling that Sebald is having a kind of malicious fun, a verbal revenge on those who created and now control the new fortress-library and jealously guarded and restricted access to its store of knowledge.  And yet the humour is always embedded in the most serious; the overt purpose of Austerlitz’s research is his quest for a father lost to him, but who was no doubt destined – with assistance from the French authorities - for the Nazi death camp. Thus the comedy, which undoubtedly infuses his prose, is dark indeed.

For my final example of Sebald’s humour, I turn to Vertigo.  Now, Vertigo – like the Rings of Saturn and Austerlitz - can hardly be deemed light relief; to cite Jenny Diski’s LRB review again 

“Sebald’s vertigo is caused by the centrifugal force of uncertainty that pervades everything, including our consolations.”

Nothing evidently humorous there; yet as she later says, “After a while this super-sensitised melancholy becomes comic.”  Her problem, as I have cited above, is that she is not clear whether the intent was humorous, or merely the effect.  But, to take an example from Vertigo (p.103) cited by Tim Parks, can one really doubt that Sebald was quietly joking when he describes the narrator’s reaction to the sight of a beautiful nun and girl in a railway compartment?

“Opposite me sat a Franciscan nun of about thirty or thirty-five and a young girl with a colourful patchwork jacket over her shoulders….The nun was reading her breviary and the girl, no less immersed, was reading a photo story.  Both were consummately beautiful, both very much present yet altogether elsewhere…  I admired the profound seriousness with which each of them turned the pages.  Now the Franciscan nun would turn a page over, now the girl in the colourful jacket, then the girl again and then the Franciscan nun once more. Thus the time passed without my ever being able to exchange a glance with either the one or the other.  I therefore tried to practice a like modesty, and took out Der Beredte Italiener, [“the eloquent Italian”] a handbook published in 1878 in Berne, for all who wish to make speedy and assured progress in colloquial Latin.”

The Eloquent Italian! Yet Parks can only - rather comment,

“Only Sebald, one suspects, would study an out-of-date phrase book while missing the chance to speak to two attractive ladies.”

A page of the alleged phrase-book’s translation is offered us in a picture adjoining this text, with a few words or phrases underlined by someone… in English, these would be ‘all saints’, ‘Carnival’, ‘angel’, ‘sin’, ‘fear’, ‘truth’, ‘lie’ and ‘pain’…

The two females, as the train approaches Milan Central Station, insert bookmark or green ribbon into their respective tomes, and when it arrives “disappear”, leaving the narrator standing on the platform claiming a sense of having been abandoned but still able to pose ludicrously grandiose and meaningless questions, and to  generalise from his own momentary attraction to the duo, to the generalised human yearning to copulate and populate:

“What connection could there be, I then wondered and now wonder again, between those two beautiful female readers and this immense railway terminus which, when it was built in 1932, outdid all other railway stations in Europe; and what relation was there between the so-called monuments of the past and the vague longing, propagated through our bodies, to people the dust-blown expanses and tidal plains of the future.”

Photo of Milano Central Station via https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Skateboarding_at_Central_Station,_Milan.jpg

Here, Sebald has descended into surely conscious self-parody – the questions are meaningless, as he knows, and no answer is given.  All the narrator does is stroll down the platform, and buy himself a map of the city.  A city map which contained on its front, we are told, an image of a labyrinth, and on its back a claim to be “Una guida sicura per l’organizzazione del vostro lavoro” -  “A secure guide for the organisation of your work”.

I cannot finish without citing one eminent source that supports my own view of Sebald:

“[His books] are notable for their curious and wide-ranging mixture of fact (or apparent fact), recollection and fiction, often punctuated by indistinct black-and-white photographs set in evocative counterpoint to the narrative rather than illustrating it directly. His novels are presented as observations and recollections made while travelling around Europe. They also have a dry and mischievous sense of humour.”

The eminent source is of course none other than Wikipedia – and against the last sentence we find the following addition: “citation needed”.  Well, here I am.

Postscript

In reading quite a lot of articles about Sebald and his use (or non-use, or abuse) of humour I was happy – since my blog is named “Refractions”, to find two comments that refer to the Sebald as having a “refracted” view of the world:

“Sebald’s refracted and sometimes alienated views of both his native Germany and his adopted English homeland have had astonishing resonance in the German- and English-speaking worlds.”

Note on Amazon.co.uk page  to W. G. Sebald - A Critical Companion (Literary Conjugations) Paperback – 1 Jul 2004

I was immediately hypnotised by the curious prose style, so flat and ostensibly inconsequential, which describes a kind of meditative interior monologue, not at all the world as it is seen and described by an ordinary person, but a view of the world seen through a glass darkly and refracted through the strange and sometimes uncomfortable imagination of a dyspeptic and exceptionally knowledgeable, middle-aged professor of German literature, whom one presumes has never been married and who decides to take a long and entirely purposeless walk round the shores of East Anglia meditating on aspects of its history and what he sees en route.

Charles Saumarez Smith Review of Austerlitz, The Observer 30 September 2001

Footnotes

(1) I know almost nothing about Ms Daphne Merkin but her review leaves me with a very, very dim view of her sense or sensibility - she says this in the same essay:

Who else but a gloomy, deskbound intellectual would warm to a narrator who chooses as his ''favorite haunt'' the Sailors' Reading Room in Southwold, which is ''almost always deserted but for one or two of the surviving fishermen and seafarers sitting in silence in the armchairs, whiling the hours away''?

Speaking for fellow deskbound gloomsters (not sure about the intellectual bit) I can assure Ms Merkin that the Southwold Sailors’ Reading Room is a wonderful, peaceful place overlooking the sea, in one of England’s favourite (for the middle classes, at least) coastal resorts. 

 Photo of the Sailors’ Reading Room via http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/2607778

(2) The German passage, concerning the delicious fish and chips:

Dieselbe verschreckte Person ist es auch gewesen, die später in dem großen Speisesaal, in dem ich an jenem Abend als einziger Gast saß, meine Bestellung entgegennham und die mir bald darauf einen gewiß seit Jahren schon in der Kühltruhe vergrabenen Fisch brachte, an dessen paniertem, vom Grill stellenweise versengten Panzer ich dann die Zinken meiner Gabel verborg.  Tatsächlich machte es mir solche Mühe, ins Innere des, wie es sich schließlich zeigte, aus nichts als seiner harten Umwandung bestehenden Gegenstands vorzudringen, daß mein Teller nach dieser Operation einen furchtbaren Anblick bot. Die Sauce Tartare, die ich aus einem Plastiktütchen hatte herausquetschen müssen, war von der rußigen Semmelbröseln gräulich verfärbt, und der Fisch selber, oder das, was ihn vorstellen sollte, lag zur Hälfte zerstört unter den grasgrünen englischen Erbsen und den Überresten der fettig glänzenden Chips.

[thehollowworldofficial]

Elise’s Pitch Wars Welcome!

Hello! My name is Elise Longden, and I’m writing this little introduction because I have written a manuscript and I’m planning to submit it to Pitch Wars, the mentoring programme!

Whilst this little blog is where I record my thoughts about my writing, I’ve never really introduced myself - mostly because I believed I would never let anyone see it. However, the Pitch Wars form has room for a website, and I would rather link this blog as opposed to my Twitter (which is inactive) or my Instagram (which is just full of cosplay and dog photos). 

To clarify, I have written a book called “The Hollow World”. 

Okay so, here’s some stuff about me:

Submission related stuff that potential mentors may be interested in:

In 2017 I won the UK National Flash Fiction Competition run by the University of Chester and was published in an anthology that had also once featured Margaret Atwood (SQUEE!). My piece entitled “Flotsam” can be found here:

 http://www.chester.ac.uk/sites/files/chester/Longden%20Elise%20-%20Flotsam%20FINAL.pdf

I got an A* A-Level grade (It’s not to big myself up...just in case anyone not British doesn’t know what that means!!!!) in Creative Writing, and my coursework, which was 70% of my grade, was the first 30,000 words of my Pitch Wars manuscript.

The idea for “The Hollow World” came to me in a Film Studies class at college. After trying /(and failing) to come up for an idea to base a project around, my teacher gave me an exercise to generate some ideas. She took a few traits typical of Hollywood films, and told me to flip them on their head. Thus, “The Hollow World”, or at least a basis for it, was born, and three (ish) years later, I still can’t get it out of my head. 

Basically the idea of Ashe came from my bizarre urge to see a tiny little girl violently killing things in a film. I thought I was being super original, but the film Logan beat me to it. I can’t even be mad, because Dafne Keen is so incredible?!

The reason why I’m submitting to Pitch Wars, is because I need help. That’s the bottom line. I have edited my manucript the best I can, but I need someone who can take what I’ve written and look at it from a fresh, and new perspective. I am new to the idea of getting my manucript published (though I have always dreamed I would), and navigating the crazy world of publishing and agents and general make-your-writing-an-actual-book stuff....is scary. And I really, really, need your help. I need someone who is honest who can tell me what needs to be done. I’ve done the best I can, and now I need someone who is better than me.

I draw, so here’s some pictures of the characters from the “The Hollow World”, that may hopefully pique your interest:

ASHE 

MAGPIE

NADIA

CASSIDY

SOME FACES

SOME MORE FACES

Whilst these were drawn about a year ago and aren’t my best work, I’m hoping they entice potential mentors, just a ‘lil bit more! :)

Some general stuff about me:

I am a pretty happy and positive person, who loves to work hard. If I have a task or idea inside my head, I will hyperfixate on it until it’s done. For example...this manuscript was unfinished (by about 20,000 words) on the 1st of August. It was my first draft that I hadn’t read through, it was unformatted, it was riddled with errors and inconsistancies, but after meeting the lovely Tomi Adeyemi and talking to her about Pitch Wars, I decided to enter. So I took my jumbled mess, I put my butt into gear, and I spent day after day writing, writing, writing, until I felt happy enought to submit it. I also had to learn what I query letter was, because I am a publishing term noob. My point is, I am willing to push myself, and go all out at 110% percent, if that somehow helps me achieve what I want to achieve.

I am 19 and I live in the UK (specifically near Liverpool). 

I cosplay as well! I’ve been Rey, Leia, and a generic Jedi from Star Wars, Margaery Tyrell and Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones, Pirate King Elizabeth Swann from Pirates of the Caribbean, and I spend 70% of my time in my 13th Doctor costume.

I love Hamilton, and can rap all of it. I love musicals in general tbh.

I have an unhealthy obsession with Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes.

Have I mentioned that the 13th Doctor is the best thing ever to happen to me?

I have a dinosaur hat that I wear whenever I’m sad, because it’s pretty impossible to be sad with a giant T-Rex on your head. And by “hat” I mean this thing:

Pretty majestic, right?

ANYWAY

I’m ace/aro, which is why my book features no romance.

I love my dog Rocky more than anything. He looks like this: 

As well as a mentor who can teach me writer-y things, I’m also looking for a friend, so here’s some stuff I like:

TV Shows: 

Merlin (the love of my life, tbh, and it broke my heart), DOCTOR WHO (especially the 13th Doctor, even though she hasn’t aired yet), Hannibal, Orphan Black, Sense 8, iZombie, TOP GEAR (Yes, the car show. I’m obsessed), Game of Thrones, Parks and Recreation, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Jessica Jones/any Netflix Marvel show, the 100 (early seasons because Lexa), RuPauls Drag Race, Queer Eye, Brooklyn 99, Stranger Things, Sherlock, Agent Carter...I’ve watched a lot okay?

Movies: 

My ultimate favourite movie of all time is What We Do in the Shadows. Even if you’re not going to choose me as a mentee, then please what this dumb film. I love it. I LOVE IT. It’s dark comedy genius, and a real gem. 

Other favourite films are: Wonder Woman, Ghostbusters (2017 version), Ocean’s 8 (will Cate Blanchett adopt me as her ace/aro child?), Marvel Films (particulary Thor: Ragnarok), Star Wars Films, Kingsman Films, John Wick Films, Pirates of the Carribbean Films, Harry Potter Films,Mad Max: Fury Road, Peter Pan Goes Wrong (if you pick me I’ll force you to watch it at some point, sorry), Disney Films (Mulan, Up!, and Hercules are my faves).

Books: 

Some that don’t need an explanation: Harry Potter, A Song of Ice and Fire, His Dark Materials, Lord of the Rings. Anything by Neil Gaiman, Margaret Atwood, or Stephen King.

My favourite series, and arguably my “Harry Potter” is the Skulduggery Pleasant series by Derek Landy. I’ve met Derek multiple times, and his books are just hilarious, soul-destorying, and MAGIC. I love them.

A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers - Seriously, this Sci-Fi book is one of the most striking books I’ve ever read, mostly because it surprised me with it’s tender story, honest representations of real people, and general WOW-ness. I love it, and its flashbacks heavily influenced my own manuscript. You know when you love a book so much that you wish you could eat it? This is that book for me.

Moriarty by Antony Horowitz. My favourite villain of all time in a book that blew my mind? Yes please.

The Girl in 6E by A.R.Torre. I picked up this book for a quid in the supermarket, and it utterly suprised me. It’s about a sex-worker murder-obsessed cam girl who is asked to act out something on camera that’s a little too disturbing, so she tracks down the man who asked her in order to save a little girl from a vile act. Think Maestra meets The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. It’s not the most sophisticated reading with all of the bizarre sexual stuff, but the wit and exasperation of the main character makes up for it. I love anything that surprises me, and this book was something I'd never seen before.

Anything (memoir or fiction) by Carrie Fisher. As a Star Wars nerd I knew I would love her work, but when I read them I was blown away by how poignant, poetic, and wonderous Carrie Fisher’s writing is. She seems to find the perfect balance between humour and emotion, and reading them was a genuine joy. Each funny sentence makes me laugh out loud, but each serious sentence is heavy, poised, and so amazingly crafted and emotional. 

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi. I was lucky enough to meet Tomi on her UK tour, and I gave her my very long letter and a portfolio of art. I love the book, and I love even more what it stands for, and there’s not much else I can really say.

Other books I loved in no order: The Power by Naomi Alderman, The Cursed Prince by Holly Black, The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins, the Chaos Walking series by Patrick Ness, the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan, Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas, The Time Traveller’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, the Gone series by Michael Grant, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, The Martian and Artemis by Andy Weir, Lost Stars by Claudia Gray, Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, Room by Emma Donoghue, Wicked by Gregory Maguire....and a helluva lot more....

And just so you know, here’s what I look like:

(I’m the human dressed as the 13th Doctor)

Hopefully this gives you an idea about me and my personality! I’m sorry this is so long, I just wanted to make sure I came across in an okay way! If any potential mentors are reading this, thank you for taking the time to! 

If you want to read the notes/journal entries I kept on this blog when I was writing and editing my manucript, just search the tag #update! 

My Twitter is: https://twitter.com/EliseLongden 

My Instagram is:  instagram.com/elise.longden/ (here you will find a lot of cosplay and dog pictures, and I’m not sorry)

If you have any questions or anything else you want to know, please feel free to shoot me an ask! Or just say hi!

[dougmeet]

☠Bookies

[☠Bookies]

❝...provides high-comedy which  currently may not be appropriated by all,  whose punchline is an order which few achieve...this was what I initiated; however, it is not mandatory to subscribe to this philosophy to benefit  its effect❞ --Doug☠Maet (☠Bookie Founder--August 30, 2011)

'I mean who in their right mind would even WANT to come in here and start barking orders and delegating responsibility? That is hilarious as shit because we are ALL derelicts of a sort. None of us can follow rules and that's supposed to be what this group is about. I kinda thought that is why we are all here'

--Winston Wolfe

chairman temporarily provides document below as group charter pro temp draft constitution and minute recordation as of fb time: seconds ago on this day tuesday august at mean Greenwich and or atomic internet time:

early bookie correspondence preserved from hijacking incident

the rule/proposal/ motion current business election as of fb: seconds ago time is Group Chef and daytime officer respectively unopposed by nomination to or as * and*see current member of good standing a few seconds ago · *see *see affirmation option · · ***... oops forgot to reinstate*see former member co-chair ministry of smut delivery with *see fuck you*see fb time· *see *see affirmation option · · *You * and *see chairman quote--"oh very quick and difficult for chair to keep up and chair requests a volunteer for the position of undercharge or chair of non secretary minutes or minutes officer as an immediate and emergency appointment from anyone interested in position as outlined but not limited to definition as stated above **see chairman quote--"all that to say chair now recognizes *see former member minister of smut delivery or MOS or MOSD to work independently or in tandem with group *see fuck you who may or may not be appointed as suggested to undetected MOSD before his appointment to office*see chairman quote--"i hereby then and as of now order in a reasonable amount of fb time*see former member create define and post for official recordation in permanently displayed bookie rules and bylaws available under group conscription at masthead entrance to group his own and self-same elected office and congratulate him *see fb time· *see *see affirmation option · *--"early days so i m cluing you to rules of order. creator of proposal rule creation or change or any proposal up for adoption may second there own proposal but only as a figurehead or self-promoting or publicity empty gesture and however this action may and only may be considered legitimate registration of affirmative voting when if or as negation of same there be absolute tie=breaking call for final creation of said proposal rule or general call * what about *--see former members who were spies or dishonorable-calls to order? * .... and I d *see affirmation to order a pizza..... with anchovies only*see chairman quote--"i hereby and can't believe that this was overlooked appoint for consideration and nomination * either with and or as co duty of or creation heretofore to be seen as speechified by him or at group majority ! during dog's unexplained absences with the treasure funds and if i am unable to assist you please refer all Esquires loudly through the speaker of your tv set to Dwight Upthrust. dog and i will be in the Cayman!

You and **see affirmation. * "*see affirmation" has been covered in sub-bylaw as being "affirmative" * "mew" was covered in LBS as being "huh?" danish classic part of Message Failed This message contains blocked content that has previously been flagged as abusive or hammy.

Let us know if you think this is an error. about an hour ago · *see affirmation · · ** that *see banned by FB | .... can get up into anywhere but FB*see chairman quote--"this is a very recent occurrence. and i m really hoping that it's not my fault.....+Facebook" post * · *--"i hereby appoint for consideration*see current member of good standing as daytime president pro temp on all bookie matters while but not limited to such time as president and or chairman and vice president be away from bookies. this resolution is immediately up for adoption as an emergency second or one affirmative no negative vote proposal and fast track rule of order and next bookie bylaw provision Cam Paterson one minute FB time has not yet bid defined. please refer to googly and key in "space time continua within*see Host info or FB | ...."...your answer will be found there!*see chairman quote--"i hate to be obvious but i am currently posting this informative note in bookie minutes from exact position of post currently up for consideration while it's true that no bookie can force another bookie to st in bookies i hereby propose that You and *see current officer ref....*see affirmation. all currently grandfather bookies as well as newly rushed bookies be under the same and universal bookie posting quota rule as the other this then being a universal posting rule for good standing for all bookies as but not limited to at le...See More Cam Paterson you missed your calling in politics dog. i don't know what to second but you sounded confident...i second whatever doug said! i dare ya all to keep posting photos of red heads!!! (just finished reading a psyche text) * · · Subscribe * added photos to Dezi's Future Wife.

Dezi's Future Wife *see group time | .... · *see *see affirmation option · · *You Mike Fifty-nine Dezi Desolata Lisa van Ness and others*see affirmation.

Lisa van Ness I remember her from Garbage she looks better without the heavy make-up she wore in early . about an hour ago · *see *see affirmation option · people*see chairman quote--"i ll second that but will add that she looks better period*see fb time· *see *see affirmation option · people oh yeah perfect group video Domino's delivers to nude women | Dear gaejangguk Your video dominoes may have content that is owned or licensed by WIG.

No action is required on your part; however if you are...See More By: Pangaea Gus * · · **see current officer ref.... and*see former member*see affirmation this. i hereby assign first group photo to be the middle picture below group masthead as submitted by * and that guard at arms or acting guard at arms in his abscess until officially elected (may be any member) replace current group avatar with said photograph if seconded or voted into picture of the day *see group time | .... · *see affirmation · · *Lisa van Ness and *see current officer ref....*see affirmation.

Dezi Desolata yes yes yes.... *see group time | .... · *see affirmation · *--"* *see dishonorable member quote.... | about an hour ago · *see affirmation Lisa van Ness and *see current member | ....*see affirmation. *see current officer ref.... i d *see affirmation to add "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" to also be rider to to the offical quote........if it goes through Dezi Desolata butt of course...... i hereby nominate *see current officer ref.... as official group rank chair*--"acting under any and all official group ranking matters to include but not be limited to changing and or assigning or removing group administratorship status to any and all group members by unanimous or majority vote or official group thirding in the abstinence of said group vote. *see current officer ref.... *see affirmations this. *see current officer ref.... i AM rank!!! *see group time | .... · *see *see affirmation option · *--"*see current officer ref.... if i get a second(or a *see affirmation)i promise all of your group administrator status will be safe in my worthy hands *see group time | .... · *see affirmation * Jay Alan Davis Please help her remove that stick.

It looks painful.*see chairman quote--"i am now going to think about her and Jacqui naked. see you later *see group time | .... · *see affirmation · people question : hey can we have *see affirmation an official redhead for our Bookie group ?

If so I nominate the beautiful Lisa Van Ness as her...... *see group time | .... · *see affirmation · · Subscribe *see referring to Korean members with non-English characters | .... and *see current officer ref....*see affirmation.

Dezi Desolata no that was on purpose......there is a madness to my method.... *see current officer ref.... she is pretty hot!

You Lisa van Ness and *see current member | ....*see affirmation.*see chairman quote--"i m am now so horny i m going offsite to masturbate. i hereby declare this my right and appoint under-ranking president and or next in line to assume all and any duties of chairman.*see chairman quote--"Jesus motherfucking Christ. thank you god for garbage More Redhead Ass Lapin' fed protection WWW.YouTube.com Dina Meyer slap my ass *see current officer ref.... and Dezi Desolata*see affirmation. oh be still my throbbing unit........mmmmm redheads.....

Redheads salute my salute to some beautiful redheads enjoy !

You * Lisa van Ness and*see Bookies with disabilities rule | ....*see affirmation.*see chairman quote--"i hereby nominate reinstated group member*see former member | ....to immediate and or fast track administrators-hip status and hereby assign him to create the position for minister of mental health to himself or any but not limited to all of his current or future personalities*see former member | ....is hereby reinstated as group administrator a position which shall be bestowed upon him once and only but not before until group rainmaking officer currently up for election is decided and remanded by official group majority v...See More i hereby propose that guard at arms wilson wolfe be responsible for putting up for vote current group icon and current photo at all times and that he appoint assistant guard at arms for daily changing of said group icon and avatar and this be but not limited to being his delegated responsibility for soever long as he holds current position as guard at arms and i hereby submit for resolution that he responsible for obeying the majority decision of any and all voting group members which and who are responsible and only they as to the delegation of said group photo and icon and also that in the lack of said group majority decision winston wolfe and or assistant guard at arms may and will be the sole body in command of said duty Lisa van Ness *see current officer ref.... and Dezi Desolata*see affirmation. * si Dezi Desolata orale..... i hereby assign minister *see fuck you co-welcoming duties for to and with suzy fisher (princess coocoo) a post which shall and must be created by them as to its duty and scope *see current member | .... thanks for add me............ greetings from Mexico. Salado desde Mexico ¡¡¡¡¡¡ *see current officer ref....

Dezi Desolata and **see affirmation. *see current member | .... gracias my friends saludos tequila ¡¡¡¡¡ *see current member | .... good vibrations for all ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡*see chairman quote--"changed the group description to "dezi desolata was designated as group secretary on aug. at : CST tuesday is official bookie redhead day as of this the second day of august as proposed by chairman and seconded by * unless the proposition to accept *see dishonorable secret member ref. guide | ....'s meows as a true second are opposed at this time (and unless this constitutes *see dishonorable secret member ref. guide | ....'s third consecutive second this proposal and amendment is hereby adopted for group vote and in the absence of said group vote and/or is made into rule and shall be dutifully entered into record and bylaw by the vice president and/or secretary of group on this day Aug. nd a Tuesday. that Tuesday is now officially deemed not in part or less than whole constituting a twenty four hour time period from a Greenwich standard or internet atomic web clock for a twenty four hour period as official group redhead day i didn't either at first and now that i kinda do i have no idea VIBookies members and content are private * VIBookies members and content are private * To add any of your already uploaded videos to this group go HERE CLICK ADD VIDEO AND CHOOSE FROM YOUR VIDEOS here‘s the url to switch off your email notifier*--see former members who were spies or dishonorable-ions * VIBookies URL ID: Make Sarah Bellum a Group Admin As a group admin Sarah Bellum will be able to edit group settings remove members and give other members admin status." i hereby appoint reverend *see fuck you as group chaplain and princess coocoo as group pro temp vice president. this executive non vote proposal may only be overturned by a unanimous majority (currently sitting at group vote in disfavor) or a non-seconding Lenny Smith *see affirmations this.

Dezi Desolata I respectfully withdraw said comment .*see chairman quote--"second comment withdrawn from official record which i hereby will be forwarded to new bookie secretary dezi desolata for processing well democracy you've just got your first secretary. tell her how she's doing i hereby put forth the proposition that suzy fisher be (or rather suzy fisher's sock puppet identity) be the unprejudiced arbiter of all disputed votes. this will just need a second to be into effect*see chairman quote--"this is considered an executive non-vote proposal from this time forward *see group time | .... · *see *see affirmation option · people i am taking advantage of the hole in bookes rules and adding these two fine new members. please see below to stop this willy nilly sort of group addition mongering *see current officer ref.... and **see affirmation. the adding members policy is resubmitted for adaption as originally submitted as unseconded from this evening's earlier business *see referring to Korean members with non-english characters | .... *see affirmations this. *see current member | .... and other members were made admins by Doug Maet.

Thomas Tirrell was added by Winston Wolfe.

Ministerial Fredrik Axwik Respect ;) South Park Suck My Balls Mr Garrison Eric catamaran suck my balls mr.Garrison south park movie south par movie Bigger Longer & Uncut Yesterday at : pm · *see affirmation · · Subscribe Winston Wolfe and Lenny Smith*see affirmation.

Winston Wolfe I will always love this skit"shut up you fuckin fat ass!!!"hah-aha-"suck my balls Mr Garrison!"

| ....was added by Princess CooCoo.*see chairman quote--"yes there will have to be a majority vote (as in however many people vote there will have to be more than half to approve this new admission due to the unfortunate circumstances of late. i am abstaining as a matter of protocol) *see chairman quote--"this policy is hereby adopted as rule #unless there fails to be a second (*see affirmation) at which time this new proposed policy will be automatically submitted for further definition and subsequent resubmit for group vote i went on a dirty binge fellas which can only be plus plus for you Yesterday at : pm · *see affirmation · · *filthy Clockwork Orphanage (Friends Only) [HQ] which means for the five thousandth time (and I know these things after profiles...THAT NO ONE CAN SEE THIS ON YOUR WALL!)

Length: : Winston Wolfe Mike Fifty-nine and Lenny Smith *see affirmation. #VIDEO What Gets Me Hot!

Only right here! [HQ] and every other place including my Wikipedia link! because 'it makes the world go round' BLACK BARRED FOR MY SELF-PRESERVATION PLEASURE Yesterday at : pm · *see *see affirmation option · · *You and Antjuan Oden*see affirmation. my fab video??? can't get enough and you won't be abel to either Feel Good Kidnapping Video of ALL TIME! - Dogmatist whatshisname.preposterous.com via YouTube.com * i had enough Yesterday at : pm · *see affirmation*see chairman quote--"only because it's the absolute best video ever made i m sure though. i cried with joy every time Kimberly Penedo Bradshaw was added by Winston Wolfe.

Saturday at : am · *see *see affirmation option · · *You MinisterofArt Fredrik Axwik Dezi Desolata and Lenny Smith*see affirmation.*see chairman quote--"classic comedy but i m high on hospital drugs so i don't know for sure Yesterday at : am · *see affirmation · people Dezi Desolata mmmmmm hospital drugs......

Yesterday at : pm · *see *see affirmation option · people watch it before the audio flips over with the Chicago in tact. classic feel good nudism

[the-apocryphal-one]

I don’t know if the last one ever submitted since I got an error message so just to be safe, I’ll send it again.  You can delete this if you got it anyway.

For the “Leon thing being written upside-down”, it was the same in the Japanese version?  That definitely works more there, but couldn’t the localizers have changed it or something?  Make it so part of the blood was wiped away, or smeared, and it would be harder to tell?  That might have been able to fix up the problem easily enough.  Ah, well.  There are definitely some people who hadn’t picked up on it.  Not because they’re dumb or anything of course, but because they think differently.

I’m going to kind of skim through the second, third, and fourth case because they’re not very interesting to talk about.  It was mostly the mid-game stuff so it would probably be the most boring part of the game if I ever decided to replay DR for whatever reason that might be.  I'm not saying it was bad–in fact, I was very invested in what happened to Chihiro, and the double-murders was a really fun aspect to everything.  

Sakura’s death had the most emotional investment–especially since I had been talking to her a little more on my free time periods, and I like how the ideas for the culprits were flying all over the place, complete with three different confessions.  I thought what happened was kind of obvious but it was still pretty neat, and I liked it.  Hina wanting to kill everyone as punishment for “killing” her best friend was an interesting take too.  I could definitely see where she was coming from.  When Hina confessed, my first thought was that Sakura had gotten Hina to poison her protein drink so Hina’d have “murdered” her, Sakura would write a suicide note, everyone would think it was a suicide, vote Sakura, and Hina would be able to escape the school.  Hina confessed because she wouldn’t be able to handle herself with the knowledge that she’d helped Sakura to kill herself, then killed everyone else in the school in the process.  It wasn’t nearly as dramatic as that, but that would have flown, right?

The gameplay for the trials was as fun, as always.  I like being able to use other people’s statements as truth bullets.  That always manages to spice up the gameplay.  The rhythm mini-game is probably the most fun.  Whenever I’m firing the truth bullets, I usually end up applying Ace Attorney logic to things and that sometimes screws me up.  The Hangman’s Gambit is kind of lame.  I still haven’t forgiven it for calling DID “schizo”.  I get why they couldn’t make the player spell out the entire thing, or DID, but why did they use Hangman’s Gambit for it at all?  I’m going to just say this is something that was really hard to localize/translate and it worked at least a little better in the Japanese version of the game.

I just don’t have much else to say about this portion of the game, except Celeste’s execution was so suiting to her character; it was very elegant, but just as brutal as I expected from this game.  The creators have done such a great job on putting together these creative executions which is…worrying, but I’ll just not think about it and just enjoy them for what they are.

Anyway, I’ve gotten to the first free time period after the fourth trial and I’m pretty sure this is where the game’s story starts to pick up.  Things are moving a lot faster, and there’s a lot more stuff being introduced.  Like the sixteenth student, Sakura hinting that the Mastermind probably did something to us, sneaking into locked areas with Kyoko, etc..  

The sixteenth student was pretty easy to guess (an extra stand in the courtroom “just for decoration”?  Yeah, okay, game) but it’s a neat idea and I really want to know were the game’s going with it.  I don’t have any idea what they might do, but I’m thinking the sixteenth student was the same person who attacked Makoto in the secret room?  On the other hand I’m not sure, because they apparently get killed in chapter five.  I don’t think they’d kill off a character that quickly, would they?  Sayaka and Leon were kind of necessary, and Junko was to demonstrate that anyone could die so don’t mess around with us.  Unless, of course, chapter six is actually the final chapter and “chapter seven” is just an epilogue or something.

Something that was introduced in in between the second and third trials was “The Tragedy”, I think it was?  Talked about something horrible that happened a year ago, and the school had to shut down about it.  It was dropped until we were able to find that nightmare fuel bloody classroom, complete with body outlines.  Interestingly, the blood is red and not pink.  I’ve thought up until now that the artists did the pink blood for artsy reasons, but now that I’ve seen actual red blood, I’m starting to think that’s not the case.  Byakuya brought up how the blood changed color but since it’s been hinting at that the Mastermind might have done something to the students’ memories/bodies, that could just be one of the things he/she did.  Is the students’ blood somehow different than normal blood?  Are these characters already dead or something and stuck in purgatory?  Cyborgs?  Is that why their blood doesn’t look red like blood’s supposed to?  Questions, questions.  If they are in fact altered in some way, the body outlines might be the characters that we’ve seen thus far.  Someone cracked, then went on a rampage, killing what could possibly be some of the characters in the game.  Most specifically, Kyoko, Makoto, and possibly the mystery sixteenth student.  Whatever her name was.  That is, of course, if Kyoko isn’t the sixteenth student herself and is acting in as one of the students that didn’t miraculously survive the slaughter.

That’s all I can remember what I wanted to speculate about, so I’ll talk about the characters next.

I like Makoto a fudge more.  I don’t dislike him, but I don’t really like him, either.  He’s not as dense as he was in the first trial so that’s probably the main reason.  I remember he said that neither of the killers in trial three were entirely innocent, which is a good change of pace from last time.  I can’t really tell if it’s inconsistent writing, or him growing as a character because he hasn’t really changed all that much.  He’s still a little personality-less, but like I said before, I don’t dislike him at all.  The player’s mostly here to experience the ride with him and that’s fine.  The other characters are zany enough to keep me interested so everything won’t get stale.

Kyoko’s interesting, and probably my favorite of the students so far.  She seems to be the female lead next to Makoto.  I don’t have much to say about her.  I’m glad she’s not giving me the answers to everything anymore but still helpful.  I have a star next to her name in my character profile thing so I guess that means I’ve talked to her to the maximum amount?

Genocide Jill’s…fun, I guess?  Seeing her murder victims and how brutal she was to them really makes her a little too psychotic to entirely enjoy the brand of humor she’s supposed to be bringing to the table.  She can still be pretty funny sometimes though.  Her random spouting of a website during a “testimony” was really funny.  Still, though, she’s still pretty entertaining a lot of the time.

Byakuya’s a Grade A Asshole although I’d rather him not die soon because we’re running low on students.  The potential murderer will always have him to kill and not me.

I like Hina.  She has a fun personality.

Hiro’s dumb.  There’s nothing I have to say on him.  He’s just so useless and pointless to the plot.  …But he’s also another person that someone can kill that isn’t me.  I take back what I said about him being pointless.  He still has his uses.

And Monokuma is still the most entertaining character in the game.  I liked the advertisement he shoved in my face during the theater thing.  His emoticons, fourth wall leaning, and sometimes outright fourth wall breaking make him that much more entertaining.  Yeah, I just said it was hard for me to swallow Genocide Jill’s brand of humor because of how psychotic she was, but her brand of psycho is very different than Monokuma’s.  Also, he pulled the Censored for Comedy trope.  How can I not love him forever?

This is as long as I want to go.  I probably made a bunch of typos and run-on sentences so I apologize.  In my defense, it’s late and I want to be able to write all this down before I forget.  Yeesh,  I can only imagine how much I’ll want to talk about everything once I finish the game. XD

Meanwhile… must…resist…from…going…to…TV…Tropes…

----

It was the exact same. I’m not sure why they didn’t change it, maybe censorship laws or something...but then again it is the first case, so it’s probably not all too bad to have it easy for the audience. The real mystery comes from figuring out Sayaka’s role in it, in my opinion.

Personally I found case 2 the hardest, and cases 3 and 4 easy to guess the culprit--though Aoi claiming to have killed Sakura did throw me off, and I started wondering whether she had or why. I like the idea you came up with, though, my best was “maybe she was way more gutted over her being the mole than anyone else? and killed her for ‘betraying’ her?” Either way it was still very emotional. Chihiro’s trial still sticks as my favorite though, the little guy was so fascinating and important and had some real depth.

Hangman’s Gambit is a bane on all players, haha. Like I guess they did “schizo” for convenience (since DID would be really easy), but from what I hear it was more accurate in the original Japanese version.

I liked Celeste’s execution a lot, too. Monokuma setting it up to be the grand death she’d love, only to switch out by having her die a common death she’d hate, is very trollish and clever of him. Not to mention the visuals are probably my favorite.

Yep, this is the part of the story where everything really starts rolling towards the climax!

Chapter six is the last chapter. As for the sixteenth student and the masked attacker...that’s one of the grand mysteries of the school!

No, the blood being pink is just a stylistic choice--I think the blood there is red there to signify that it’s dried. They were going to go with all red blood originally, but had to change it to avoid a higher rating. That said...there is something wrong with the students, that Monokuma has done. You’ll find out what eventually :)

Makoto is kind of vanilla, but I like him because genuinely nice, male characters are kind of rare. He is a bit static, but I don’t necessarily think that’s a problem since it lets him be a “normal” point for the audience.

Yep, that’s what it means. And yes, Kyoko’s one of my favs too. I really liked her argument with Makoto in Chapter 4, it was petty and hypocritical and really humanized her. Her mentor/friend relationship with him works really well, and they play off each other’s weakness.

Toko and Jill are also favorites of mine, for reasons I can’t say. But they are a set of the most interesting characters in the game.

Byakuya’s still a giant dick, but I was actually kinda warming up to him at the end, if only because Toko/Jill’s stalking brought some needed levity.

I never took that much of a liking to Aoi, for some reason. She’s sweet, but just didn’t interest me as much as everyone else around her, I guess.

LOL, you’re not alone in your thoughts on Hiro. I was sick to death of him by the time Chapter 5 rolled around, like “YOU’RE alive but Kiyotaka and Chihiro aren’t?!” At least Byakuya contributes to trials.

Monokuma will always be one of the best characters in the franchise. Always.

Again, it’s no problem, and I still love hearing people’s thoughts on it! Seeing everyone’s speculations and guesses is a lot of fun, and it makes me happy to know you’re enjoying this great game so much :)

Resist! It’s worth it! (Especially since TvTropes doesn’t hide spoilers for any of the DR entries except the newest one)