#no one is allowed to yell at me for posting 1 million times in a row bc i’m bipolar autistic

[intricate-ritualz]

my heartstopper was when a gay couple would get their house renovated on the home improvement channel

[booksandabeer]

Ramblings on Fandom: Peggy Carter, Steve Rogers, Delusional Shippers, and Alleged Misogyny

So with the release of Season 2 of What If…? emotions are once again running high, the outrage is outraging, and people are up in arms about the whole Captain Carter situation. While I do think that some reactions are a little overblown, even needlessly aggressive in tone to the unfortunate detriment of their otherwise convincing arguments, I share the confusion and frustration about the sudden centering of a long-dead & never excessively popular character, the sidelining of the Steve-Bucky friendship, and the as-inexplicable-as-it-is-total exclusion of Sam Wilson as Captain America. However, I’m not here to talk about the show because (1) I haven’t watched this season and have no plans to (why waste time torturing myself with something I know I’ll hate?) and (2) other people have already written dozens of metas about it, so what could I possibly add at this point.

What I do want need to talk about (lest I explode) is something that has irritated me for a long time and that is now happening again: Every time someone even mildly criticizes Peggy Carter, expresses doubts about her suitability as a heroine, or even just questions her disproportionate importance to the franchise post-EG, inevitably a certain section of fans will come out of the woodwork to immediately throw around accusations of misogyny and yell about how we’re all just a bunch of delusional Stuckies who are mad that she got "in the way" of our ship. Sigh.

This is gonna be a long one, so I’ll put it under a cut. Rant incoming. You've been warned. If you don't want to read, simply keep scrolling.

First of all, let me state very clearly that I’m not debating the existence of misogyny and sexism in fandom spaces—or in the media from which these fandoms originate. At all. It exists, it’s a thing, I’m not denying that. Which is exactly why it frustrates me endlessly to see these accusations thrown around as a gotcha! argument to shut down any and all critical debate around a female character. All it does in the end is escalate rhetoric and radicalize attitudes.  

In the case of Peggy Carter, specifically her treatment by Stucky shippers, I’ve always found 'misogyny as a motive' to be a largely unsubstantiated accusation.¹ Now, I neither presume nor do I want to speak for the entirety of Stuckynation, so I will not claim that there aren't corners of the fandom where people discuss her in ways that I find off-putting and deeply unserious, but I will say this: If you genuinely believe that disliking one (1) fictional female character equals “hating all women” and wanting to suppress and marginalize their presence in fiction and real life alike—then I think we need to take that word away from you until you’ve learned its true meaning.

You might also want to ask yourself how exactly reducing a female character to a mute trophy wife or a heroine who has to act out her love interest’s recycled storylines helps your feminist fight.

As for the “getting in the way of your ship” part of the argument. Very simply put: No character can get in the way of something if there never ever was “a way” to that something to begin with. “Being mad” implies that there was a reasonable expectation that wasn’t met, a substantive hope that was crushed. Now, I’ve said this before and I’ll gladly say it again a million more times: No Stucky shipper in their right mind ever truly thought that there was even the slightest chance that Marvel Studios owned by the Walt Disney Company would allow Steve “Captain America” Rogers and Bucky “Winter Soldier” Barnes to be canonized as an explicitly romantic pairing in their billion dollar franchise. Be serious. That was never in the cards. I wish we all lived in a world where it was, but we don’t, and it wasn’t. The best we could ever hope for was for Steve and Bucky to get a good, satisfying, in-character ending. And if, in Steve’s case, that would’ve included hints (or more) about a possible rekindling of his, uh, aborted romance with Sharon—then so be it. But we never got any of that. The characters never got any of that. Instead they sent Steve into 1950s suburban hell, literally trapped him behind a white picket fence, and condemned him to a life of passivity and lies, all so he could be married to a woman he barely knew a long time ago in a completely different world; who built and ran a top-to-bottom Hydra-infested organization, but apparently never noticed that there was anything wrong with her life's work. For decades. Great. As for Bucky—well, we’ve all seen the devastatingly grim-faced, utterly lonely, and deeply sad version of him that was presented to us in TFATWS. Happy endings all around, I guess.

So. Am I mad that Steve didn’t get to ride into the rainbow-colored sunset with Bucky at the end of EG? No. Because that was never going to happen anyway. Would I have been mad had he ended up with Sharon or another female character in the 21st century? Also no. Granted, I wouldn’t have been ecstatic about it, but mad? No. But am I mad that Steve ended up with this specific female character under these specific circumstances as presented in canon? Fuck yeah, I am.

The thing is: I personally believe Steve and Peggy to be fundamentally incompatible when it comes to the way they view the world and their respective places in it; their morals and values; their capacity for compassion and empathy; their ability and willingness to compartmentalize, compromise, and collaborate with people and institutions whose ethics and/or politics do not align with their own. I have a real hard time believing that a relationship between these two (or worse, a hasty marriage) could be either happy or long-lasting.

I don’t believe Peggy to be inherently evil, I don’t hate her, I simply think she operates within a different moral framework than Steve (and even genuinely believes it to be a righteous one).² Your mileage may vary, but I personally happen to find that framework reprehensible, even indecent, and ultimately dangerous. After all, over the course of the 20th century, we have seen exactly where that kind of “the ends justify the means” brand of pragmatism leads—over and over again. Not to mention that the people who use this line of argument to defend characters like Peggy (or real-life politicians for that matter) never seem to want to look too closely at who gets to define what "the ends" are in the first place and who decides when they've finally been met.

(Never. The answer is never.)

And to be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with depicting, and even centering a narrative around a morally (dark)gray character—oftentimes it’s actually the more interesting option—but you cannot at the same time claim that they are purely good and should be only admired as such when their actions literally tell an entirely different story.

So, no. I will not accept Peggy Carter as the shining aspirational heroine that the MCU so badly wants to sell her to me as—while simultaneously continuing to reveal things that paint an increasingly darker picture of her character. And I will certainly not celebrate seeing one of my favorite characters of all time—whose defining trait was that he couldn't ignore "a situation pointed south"; who used to fight for the little guy and against the establishment; who once said about the very organization that Peggy Carter helped build that it was so corrupt, it all needed to go—rendered morally inert for some hollow happy ending that may as well be a conservative’s wet dream full of false nostalgia for an America that never really existed. I cannot find it in me to be anything less but mad about that.

But that does not make me a misogynist. It does not make me a delusional shipper. It makes me someone who looks at what the MCU has been telling me about Peggy Carter for years now—over and over again—and takes it at its own word.

--------

¹ If you’ve actually read a a fair number of Stucky(!) fanfics you will have noticed that the reverence afforded to and "page time" devoted to her character and her relationship with Steve is somewhat disproportionate to anything that's backed up by canon—well, up until EG, where she was suddenly reanimated as The Great Love of Steve’s Life—and in my experience, it's highly unusual for any fandom to put so much (mostly) positive attention on another character, let alone a potential love interest that is not part of the endgame ship.

² I also want to emphasize that if you love Peggy and she's your fave: good for you! I genuinely have no beef with you. People can agree to disagree. All I ask for is that we maybe stop willfully ignoring the less savory aspects of her character. You don't need to pretend she's perfect to justify your affection for her. I LOVE Steve, and yet I have no problem conceding that he is FAR from perfect.

[thatbanditqueen]

Louisiana Saturday Night, a new fic.....

I have been working on a new WIP set at the Louisiana Hayride from 1954 - 1956, and will probably post chapter one in the next few days. It starts in October 1954, when 19 year-old Elvis had never played outside the small clubs of Memphis, except for that once. At the Opry. And that didn't go too well.

Now he faces his biggest audience ever at the Lousiana Hay Ride: over three thousand people in-person (a thousand more than the Opry!) and millions over the radio. He has only recorded two singles, never been away from home much or gone beyond second base with a girl, and doesn't know much about life as a touring musician. But he's eager to learn and grab every opportunity he can with those long, inexperienced slender fingers.

This fic will have my usual blend of poorly executed dry humor, fluff, smut and angst.

please comment or reblog if you want to be tagged - here is a preview.

Here is a snippet from Chapter 1: Hot Wax

Approximately 9:15 p.m.

Saturday, October 16, 1954

The Municipal Auditorium in Shreveport, Louisiana

The first time she saw Elvis up close he was hunched over the sink tapping his fingers along the porcelain rim. Rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, he reminded Freddie of a bottle rocket about to blow. She smiled at the thought of him bursting through the ceiling like a comic book hero, his oversized sports coat trailing behind him like a long pink cape.

She wasn’t sure if he was recovering from his first set or talking himself into the second, but what she did know was that this kid was as green as they came. Horace had been reading Pappy the riot act yesterday when she walked by his office, yelling at him for booking “some hillbilly who just fell off the turnip truck, cuz Sam Philips brings you a bottle of Jack every time he comes through town.”  The audience out there had been so taken aback by his country bop they’d forgotten to clap, and she doubted Pappy would be allowed to invite him back.

As she watched the show up in the control booth, Freddie had wondered if Elvis’ performance had gone over better with the radio listeners who hadn’t had to watch his stilted, awkward movements on stage. There was a ragged emotional tenor to his voice, and now that she was standing right in front of him she had to admit he had a dark, sultry allure that was strikingly different from all these other boys doing their best Gene Autry impression.

But geez, now the poor kid began to mutter into his reflection and she hoped he wouldn’t cry. Freddie barely knew how to deal with the girls she found balling in the bathroom. 

“Um, hey there. You ok?”

Elvis jerked around and ran his hand through his sopping wet hair and straightened up, stiff like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“Most folks are nervous their first time. That’s a big crowd.”

“Don’t you worry about me, honey, I ain’t nervous.” He looked her over, a sneer forming at his mouth. “Didn’t you heard the man? I’m the hottest thing on wax. Mr. Logan just asked me to play a second set.”

“Oh - uh - well, I guess I was wrong.”

“MMhmmm. Just getting geared up to go back on stage.” He settled his hands at his waist and shot her a sulky fierce glower, then waggled his eyebrows in a challenge.

“Oh, well that's good. Maybe you can answer something for me then.”

“Anything baby.” 

He softened and bit his lip, giving her what she took to be his version of a come hither look. He looked like he was fighting back a sneeze and Freddie had to swallow her laughter. 

“Why are you in the Ladies’ Powder Room?”

Elvis paused and looked down for a beat as he shook his head and laughed.

She nodded toward the shelf of perfume bottles, powders and the basket of dainty pink sanitary napkin boxes with Kotex printed along the sides.

He let out a low whistle and rubbed his mouth.

“Man o man, I guess you got me, might be jus a lil nervous. I ‘spose I really weren’t watching were I was going, huh?”

Freddie couldn’t help the way she dumbly smiled back, noticing up close how long and thick his eyelashes were as he looked down at her through them. She suddenly had the urge to take his hand and lead him to the green room where she could make him a hot cup of tea and comfort him and give him all the advice she had from her four years of working at KWKH. But instead she took a deep breath and fidgeted with her cardigan.

“I won't tell anyone you were in here. It can be our secret."

other fic taglist - i won't tag you again on this unless you comment you want to be tagged:

@whositmcwhatsit

@from-memphis-with-love

@vintageshanny

@shakerattlescroll

@peskybedtime

@be-my-ally

@ellie-24

@missmaywemeetagain

@powerofelvis

@arrolyn1114

@lookingforrainbows

@eliseinmemphis

@kingdomforapony

@everythingelvispresley

@richardslady121

@dkayfixates

@artlover8992

@freudianslumber

@amydarcimarie

@toreigh

@18lkpeters

@yynneessmons

@ashtag6887

@waiting4brucewayne2adoptme

@returntopresley

@rjmartin11

@louisejoy86

@notstefaniepresley

@i-r-i-n-a-a

@j-v-9-2

@beeandheroddobsessions

@doll-elvis

@burningloverdoll

@ohjustpeachy1

@everythingelvispresley

@velvetelvis

@horror-movieshoes

@ooihcnoiwlerh

@moonchild-daniella

@lialocklear

@obsessionisthecure

@tacozebra051

@elvispresleywife

@bisexualwvtson

@father-of-2cats

@lillypink

@godlypresley

@crash-and-cure

@misspresley

@daffieapple

@louisejoy86

@burningloverdoll

@stargirllily19

@amydarcimarie

@elvisrealgf

@littlehoneyposts

@eapep

@stylespresleyhearted

[rosesradio]

may i ask why ppl hate caleo so much? I'm reading ToA rn so idk if it's based on stuff that happens there, but in HoO I didn't really catch anything that would make it this "don't touch with a ten foot pole" ship, yk?

/gen

Hi !! Thanks for sending this in. I feel like I and others have kinda gone through some things in the anti-caleo tag, but I'm gonna go through some of the reasons with as much textual evidence and objectivity as possible. (minus my inevitable unorganized rambles, they're contextually relevant, stop looking at me--)

That being said, this is completely a matter of opinion, as all shipping is. I don't mean to say that you are "allowed" to ship or that you're "stupid" for shipping xyz, I couldn't care less what you ship--let's all just be nice to each other.

That being said, let's start with the two most common reasons why most people dislike caleo:

1.) the age gap

2.) their "bickering to lovers" dynamic is not written well/they seem to dislike each other/etc

The easier one to start with would be the age gap. Now (warnings for rent-lowering gunshots around my blog), I meant what I said when I said I don't care about ships. Most of my beloved mutuals ship the nastiest shit imaginable, and I am very anti-censorship (but that's several other posts). I generally have preferences for healthy ships when it comes to a Fluffy Endgame (dark fics with toxic ships are different to me).

That being said, I don't typically enjoy ships with a large age gap, and most other people find them unappealing as well. I could be persuaded with some (nipollo and rachel/apollo, i'm looking at you), but caleo just kinda grosses me out in this regard, probably due to other aspects of their relationship.

(Some people say she's "mentally fifteen", but I don't really buy that--if she were like a faerie or something, maybe, but I see her more as Edward in Twilight--looks young but has wisdom beyond her years. There's no definitive answer on this so it's not something I would like to debate (none of this is lol) but I thought I would mention it anyways.)

Although your question is about ToA, I'm only going to cover HoH through the first ToA book, because I'm still reading through the ToA books (though I know the big spoilers). I know caleo takes on a bigger role in the second book so i might come back and do a part two to uh...complain about their dynamic more? lol

so, without further ado--

The House of Hades

So, this is the first impression we get of Calypso from Leo's perspective--the highlights to keep this from being 1 million years long (it still will be lol)--

"She looked maybe fifteen, about Leo's age, and, sure, she was pretty; but with that angry expression on herface she reminded Leo of every popular girl in every school he'd ever attended—the ones who made fun of him, gossiped a lot, thought they were so superior, and basically did everything they could tomake his life miserable.Leo disliked her instantly.

---

The girl clenched her fists. Leo was pretty sure she was going to march down the crater and punch him in the face.

---

"Show yourself!" the girl yelled at the sky, completely ignoring Leo. "It's not bad enough I am exiled? It's not bad enough you take away the few good heroes I'm allowed to meet? You think it's funny to send me this—this charbroiled runt of a boy to ruin my tranquility? This is NOT FUNNY! Take him back!""

--pg 213 of The House of Hades pdf.

Now, keeping in mind that I read this for the first time at 13 and he was my book boyfriend (Or Whatever), I was not a fan of this, but even now that I've grown out of that, this still rings unfavorable to me.

He compares her to his bullies, the ones who made fun of him and created insecurities within him. And, making no effort to clear her name from this association, what is one of the first things she does? Screams at the gods for sending someone so conventionally unattractive. One of Leo's biggest insecurities in the books is not being as conventionally attractive or built as the other guys in the seven. One of his other insecurities is not having a girlfriend when everyone else is coupled up. So the solution is not to have him learn self-love and/or the love of friends, but to instead give him a girlfriend--the build-up time of which is short and intense. Not only that, but his love interest insults one of his biggest insecurities.

We're off to a great start.

Of course, I can't really blame Calypso for being pissed about the wreckage and about being sent another hero instead of being freed from the island. I would be pretty pissed, too, but she still treats him pretty badly, seemingly because he's not the "right" hero.

(For this next bit I am going through their time together in House of Hades and just noting anything that rings as a red flag to me--which is not a stretch as it's pretty much every other line lol. The brackets [] add context for dialogue, the parentheses () is my commentary, though most of these speak for themselves imo)

""Oh-gee-gee-ah." The girl pronounced it slowly, as if Leo were five years old.

---

She looked like she was about to answer but stopped herself. "It doesn't matter. You'll be gone soon. You're obviously a mistake."

That was harsh, Leo thought.He'd spent enough time thinking he was a mistake—as a demigod, on this quest, in life in general. He didn't need a random crazy goddess reinforcing the idea

---

"What am I supposed to do, then? Sit in the sand dunes until I die?" [Leo asked]

"That would be fine...." The girl threw down her trowel and cursed at the sky. "Except I suppose he can't die here, can he? Zeus! This is not funny!"

---

She looked the same age as him, but he wondered how old she really was. (age gap thing, delicious!)

---

"Would you be sweet," [Calypso said], "if they laughed at you by sending another hero, but a hero who looked like—like you?"

---

"Three thousand." Leo's mouth felt tingly, like he'd just eaten Pop Rocks. "Uh, you look good for three thousand."

---

"And now...the worst insult of all. The gods mock me by sending you." [Calypso said]

Anger bubbled in Leo's stomach.Yeah, typical. If Jason were here, Calypso would fall all over him. She'd beg him to stay, but he'd be all noble about returning to his duties, and he'd leave Calypso brokenhearted. That magic raft would totally arrive for him. (heartbreaking to hear about leo's insecurities but also...he is so gay for jason jdskjfs--)

But Leo? He was the annoying guest she couldn't get rid of. She'd never fall for him, because she was totally out of his league.

---

Despite the gifts, Calypso obviously didn't want to see him. One time he poked his head inside the cave and she freaked out, yelling and throwing pots at his head. (how to treat an abuse survivor 101)

Yeah, she was definitely on Team Leo. (this honestly just reminds me of the Echo scene and, honestly, I'd ship him with Echo Big Time over calypso)

He ended up pitching a more permanent camp near the footpath, where the beach met the hills.That way he was close enough to pick up his meals, but Calypso didn't have to see him and go into a pot-throwing rage.

---

"They are completely fireproof," Calypso promised. "They'll stay clean and expand to fit you,should you ever become less scrawny." (the prev part about her repairing the clothes was actually sweet in a platonic way...could have gone without the body-shaming !)

---

Then he remembered that this annoying fifteen-year-old girl was actually the immortal daughter of a Titan."

--pages 214-227 of The House of Hades pdf

Now, at this point I'll say that their relationship actually becomes quite sweet once they get past the frankly horrible section of time where they want each other to die. They're both lonely, they come to some understanding...I suppose this is a matter of opinion, but the romance aspect does feel forced. Time is different in Ogygia so it's hard to say how long Leo was there, if I were to estimate I'd say 3 weeks, but given that it's like 19 pages (and the text is larger on the pdf copy lol), it does feel rushed. Man do I wish they went for the platonic angle, but Richard could never.

The Blood of Olympus

Everyone's favorite book! lmao.

Now that our lovebirds are in Lovebird Territory (i guess), the amount of toxicity dwindles, but let's bite:

"'Sit tight, Sunshine,' he told Calypso's picture. 'I'll get back to you, just like I promised.'

Leo could imagine her response: 'I am not waiting for you, Leo Valdez. I am not in love with you.And I certainly don't believe your foolish promises!' The thought made him smile. (I guess this is supposed to be sarcastic, but way to reintroduce the concept of her really not liking him?)"

--pg 64 of The Blood of Olympus pdf

So, most of this book has mentions of Calypso from Leo's pov, and I gotta say (forgetting entirely that this doc is supposed to at least try to be subjective)...they neutered my boy. I often don't reread past MoA because of the caleo content, though what glimpses I've seen shows that his pov has experienced a massive shift. I think having so little page time and such an intense relationship buildup causes some readers to dislike how fundamentally she alters Leo's pov.

Additionally, I've seen some posts about Leo's suicide ideation. That is not something I want to go in depth about on this post, but I did want to draw attention to this excerpt I caught:

"Now the Argo II was approaching the end of its voyage. Leo's whole life – his childhood with Tía Callida; his mother's death in that warehouse fire; his years as a foster kid; his months at Camp Half-Blood with Jason and Piper – all of it would culminate tomorrow morning in one final battle.

He opened the access panel. Festus's voice creaked over the intercom.

'Yeah, buddy,' Leo agreed. 'It's time.'

More creaking.

'I know,' Leo said. 'Together till the end?'

Festus squeaked affirmatively.

Leo checked the ancient bronze astrolabe, which was now fitted with the crystal from Ogygia. Leo could only hope it would work.

'I will get back to you, Calypso,' he muttered. 'I promised on the River Styx.'

He flipped a switch and brought the navigation device online. He set the timer for twenty-four hours.

Finally he opened the engine's ventilator line and pushed inside the vial of the physician's cure. It disappeared into the veins of the ship with a decisive thunk.

'Too late to turn back now,' Leo said.

He curled on the floor and closed his eyes, determined to enjoy the familiar hum of the engine for one last night."

--pg 224 of The Blood of Olympus pdf

I'm not going to draw any definitive conclusions on the subtext of this or his plan with the physician's cure, but I will say Leo definitely needs therapy and the support of his friends over his want of a girlfriend. (And I'd say this regardless of ships--even if it were my beloved valdangelo. If Leo's mental health isn't addressed, it just makes it seem like a lazy fix-all)

I'm not going to pretend to be the best writer or understand character arcs better than our good friend Richard, but I think one of the reasons why Leo's character arc failed in this final installment is that Leo got what he wanted instead of what he needed. The best character arcs will display what a character wants, but by the end of the journey, a character will realize what they really need.

For example, in Gravity Falls (great show btw), towards the end of the series, Mabel wants to stay in a magical bubble created as a trick by Bill Cipher so she can stay in Gravity Falls forever. In the end, however, she realizes that what she really needs is to go back home to California with her brother, where they can get through high school with the support of each other.

If Leo had undergone an arc in which he really wants a girlfriend, but later realizes he needs to love himself first, that would have been really great and nice for kids to see that they don't need a significant other to make them whole.

Additionally--surprisingly--there were no glaring red flags for the rest of this book. They have a general vibe of "she doesn't really like him and he's a silly little guy" that I feel like is just rick pulling a "can I copy your homework?" with percabeth but it came out Wrong, but that's a matter of opinion.

ToA: The Hidden Oracle

""Here you go." Leo handed her a glass of lemonade. His expression seemed darker and more anxious, as if...Ah, of course. Leo had rescued Calypso from her prison island. In doing so, Calypso had lost her powers. Leo felt responsible."

--pg 239 of The Hidden Oracle pdf

This seems like something they'd have to work through, which is possible, but also a very intense thing to put on a relationship between an already traumatized 16 year old (and his over 3000 year old girlfriend, etc.) I suppose if this was written through in a thoughtful way I'd understand, but it's kind of one of those things that makes me look at them and go...realistically, at best I see them lasting 6 months to a year.

(tbh a lot of the ships outside of percabeth don't seem to have that...well, percabeth longevity--i mean just look at how jiper broke up. not that Richard would break caleo up atp, of course...unless...)

Final Thoughts (unless I return after finishing ToA but no promises)

And so, we conclude. I think I learned some stuff by revisiting canon instead of just remaining amongst online fandom & my memory of canon. Honestly, I can see why people would like this ship--I still hate it the most out of any pjo ship, but I gotta admit it had its sweet moments. Just as I pointed out red flags and had opinions stated as subjective, other people could point out what they consider green flags and why they think the ship is great.

To conclude (my English teachers quaking in their boots rn), myself and other caleo haters dislike the ship due to the age difference, the rushed nature, and the enemies to lovers dynamic being written in a way that ultimately gives the energy that our love birds do not like each other. I hope this dive into the foundation of their relationship clarifies some of these things for you, and thanks for the ask!

[wonderlandleighleigh]

So its early but I'm on Tumblr, and like.

You know. Saw a post. Like you do.

And it's about appropriating Jewish mythology and symbols and terms. And there is so much "DON'T DO THAT" in the post.

But I think the post gets it a lil wrong. What we're really looking for is respect. Respect our things. Our culture. Or symbols. They're not Happy Meal toys. Make some effort.

I saw a lot of comments on the post saying that people had never met a Jewish person, and that we are "professional victims."

Well hello. I'm a Jewish person, and we've been run out of more countries than you've had hot dinners, so we're more like professionals at getting the fuck out of places where people want us dead.

Let's do an edit!

Golems: if you're going to use them in your fantasy, please treat them with respect. They're a mythological creature borne out of the desperation of a people constantly on the run from assholes trying to burn down their lives, and thought of as protective. Don't use them as a weird monster. It's easy to find the lore. Read up.

Kabbalah: is so much stranger than you know, and worth doing research on. Please be respectful if you intend to use it in a story, or even try to practice it.

If it's Hebrew and it doesn't have anything to do with Judaism...man that is a weird one. Cuz it's our religious language but also people who aren't Jewish live in Israel and speak Hebrew but this one feels funny.

The Star of David: it's not a pentagram. It's not a generic symbol. It's pretty specifically Jewish. Sometimes it gets worn by people who want us dead? Uncomfortable.

Goy: isn't considered polite but is more polite than "fuckin goy" which I sometimes use when some goy is being a terrible asshole.

Lenny Bruce had a whole bit on this one:

Gentile: less rude. You non jews are just gentiles.

Antisemitism: that funny feeling in your bones when you know someone either doesn't like you because you are Jewish (those fuckers who wear the "6 million was not enough" shirts. IE; Hitler shoulda kilt more Jews), or when someone says shit like "you guys control the banks so I bet you'll get all 7 days of Passover off soon enough." We don't control the banks. I fucking promise. We don't control shit. Whatever power white Jewish people might have is allowed by the white gentile power structure and can be easily taken away.

When the big orange goy was president, and employed Steven Miller (Jewish. A piece of shit) I used to tell people that "we'll all wind up in the same train car anyway. He's no safer from the hate than the rest of us." I'm still right.

The word Jew: context matters. "The Jews" is an easy shorthand. The Jewish People takes longer to say. One time in a bar, in Mississippi, the director of another department from work pointed at me and yelled "JEW!!!" and that felt.

Bad.

It felt bad you guys.

1. Being singled out for what you are feels bad.

2. Mississippi feels like a place you don't want to be singled out for being Jewish.

3. "Jew" often gets bent into "jewy" which is derogatory. Women were sometimes called "jewesses" which was a little like being called a witch they wanted to burn at the stake.

Probably safe bet to just say Jewish People.

We've been around a long time, but there aren't a whole of us left. But we also come in all different types. A bunch of us are white, but some of us are Black or Latinx or Asian or Middle Eastern. We don't agree on any one way of doing things and we have a lot of opinions and sometimes some dude wanders around The Rockaways in New York with a machete looking for the closest synagogue because Kanye told him we're all evil.

We are constantly on the lookout for people who don't like us because WE KEEP FINDING THEM. Like sometimes you think somebody's cool, but it turns out they think we have horns and eat white Christian baby blood.

For the record, white Christians don't season their food, so that shit is too bland. Not enough dill. We'll pass.

But yeah. Just some thoughts on my culture. Thanks for reading.

[tittyinfinity]

Took my seroquel way too late last night and just woke up (it's 1:55pm)

Anyway I'll type out what I can remember from my dream before I forget

I was doing work training at a place that was both a restaurant and a store combined. It wasn't very big, but here's the thing. They put the dining booths in the middle of the store isles, so you had to walk around them to shop. The owner said "if our restaurant customers can see our other products they're more likely to buy them."

I'm like "yeah, sure, but then people coming here for the store will be annoyed by having to walk around them."

"Does it look like they're annoyed?"

The store was full, customers shopping, inoring the tables in the isles. So yeah, I guess they didn't care.

After waiting on some tables, my boss comes up and gives me a bag. She says that it's a gift for the employee of the month, and since she was leaving, I had to give it to him. "His name is on the front; he has brown curly hair and he's kinda tall."

The bag says "For Chala Chango, 2nd/3rd shift". I look around, and every employee is a tall teenage white boy with short curly brown hair. I start asking each one where I can find Mr. Chango. They ignore me. My friend hunter walks up, says my shift is over, and he'll take over. He is also a tall white boy with curly brown hair, but he's 30 IRL.

I drive home, where I'm living in a large trailer with two girls with rainbow hair and an undercut. They start arguing about whether or not one of them could call themselves a lesbian if she slept with a guy in the past. I'm like, oh God, I live with people who get off on tumblr discourse. So I start driving to my son's grandma's instead.

You have to drive down this super long rural road to get there, just like IRL. Except when you get there, it's a whole neighborhood with houses that looked identical to the ones on the street I grew up in, except reversed. There was a fluffy calico cat outside, so I don't go in, I sit in the driveway to pet the cat. Then a Bengal kitty that looks exactly like a mini-leopard walks up. I pet her, but then her spots keep printing onto my skin so now I have leopard hands.

I suddenly remember that I took Chala's gift home with me, so now I have to go back to deliver it to him. I get there and my coworkers start yelling at me because I'm not wearing my work pants despite not being on the clock. They said I still WAS on the clock because I never even clocked out before I left.

Hunter walks up and asks what's up. I show him the bag. He says "Chala won't be in for another 4 hours. I don't know why boss gave this to you. I'll take it to him."

I hand him the bag, noticing again that my hand is full leopard print. "Hunter, look at what this cat did to me! It was like a printer!"

He grabs my hand and looks at it like half an inch from his face. I notice that one of his eyes is now foggy and glossed over. "Sorry, this job has made me blind in one eye. What are you trying to show me again?"

"How did this job do that?"

"Angry customer."

".....oh God. Okay."

I decide to do some shopping. As I'm walking around, I see the girl who runs the one-time-i-dreamt blog. I walk up to her and say "wanna hear something funny? You're IN a one-time-i-deamt now!"

She stares at me with wide eyes until a group of men in tuxedos walks up and surrounds her. They mention that she has to have bodyguards because people aren't supposed to recognize her in dreams.

I go home, and that one fucker y'all always post about, Jerma, is there. I'm like. What the fuck, all I've ever seen of him outside of a million memes is when I watched 5 minutes of his sims role playing video.

He tells me that he's dating the one-time-i-dreamt girl (forgot her name, sorry). He says I'm not allowed to like her unless I'm Polish. I'm like. That's not even where she's from

He looks sad for a second. Almost betrayed. He holds his hand out and says "come with me." I touch his hand and now somehow I now have feelings for this man. He does not provoke any emotion for me in real life. So I'm like what the fuck, okay.

But then I start remembering my ex and how good he fucked, so I was like no, I'm staying here. Then he just. Evaporated into thin air

I go home and my roommates are asleep, so I invite hunter over. I tell him about my day. "That's crazy, man" he says.

~dream end~

Fuck you tumblr

[stereopticons]

I posted 6,195 times in 2022

That's 5,593 more posts than 2021!

736 posts created (12%)

5,459 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ramonaflow

@maxbegone

@plainest

@rmd-writes

@damndarrenineedacigarettenow

I tagged 2,662 of my posts in 2022

#thanks for asking! - 288 posts

#schitt's creek fic - 102 posts

#schitt's creek - 96 posts

#patrick x david - 81 posts

#david rose - 81 posts

#david x patrick - 75 posts

#patrick brewer - 69 posts

#fic rec - 54 posts

#wip ask game - 37 posts

#sweater weather - 36 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#if your automated phone system asks me to describe what i want to talk to someone about i will just yell person at it until it connects me

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Schitt’s Creek Characters as Disney Princesses

So given that Schitt’s Creek is moving to Hulu next week, and as @mr-writes​ pointed out, Hulu is owned by Disney, this makes several SC characters Disney Princesses. Consider:

Patrick:

Patrick has big, loud Disney eyes. If Dan had allowed us to have Patrick with curls, he would have had luxurious Disney princess hair. “The Best” is an “I Want” song (for those unfamiliar, i.e., non-theater nerds, “I Want” songs are songs that express a wish for something or dissatisfaction with their current life). Patrick isn’t dissatisfied with his life, but he wants more with David. He sings “each time you leave me, it’s like I’m losing control, like you’re walking away with my heart and my soul.”

See the full post

55 notes - Posted September 27, 2022

#4

“tired of believing I wasted my formative years” hits hard some days (most days)

56 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

#3

wish i was the moon tonight

David suffers from insomnia after moving to Schitt's Creek and turns to the sleep stories on Calm to help him fall asleep. Brewer's Baseball History is the only thing that helps, but what happens when the voice behind those stories shows up in town?

An SC MediaFest fic

[david/patrick, T, 7k]

67 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

#2

you know what thing I love? david and patrick learning about things the other likes just because they like them. david learning baseball? patrick learning fashion? give it to me. david learning excel? patrick watching rom coms? yes please.  i will read this one million times. 

75 notes - Posted March 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Whumptober Lite 2022

For when you want to be sad, but you don’t want people to get stabbed!

Looking over the Whumptober 2022 prompts, I was struck by how dark they are, and I think being in a fandom like SC where in canon, characters are not in physical danger all the time (as opposed to wee-woo shows, for example, and Alexis’s past notwithstanding), it’s hard to connect with prompts like that. So I created this list of Whump Lite prompts for your Whumptober writing pleasure.

This isn’t a formal challenge or anything, so there’s no rules, but do tag me if you use one of these, just because I want to read it! Feel free to share this!

216 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[littlespoonevan]

An essay about the significance of "We're way past that" "I'm not - I should've been there", you say? 👀 🍿

aslkdfjds okay allow me to Attempt to express my feelings about this scene in an articulate way

i know everyone loves the Kitchen Scene™ because of the “wanna go for the title” of it all and the flirting and the belt buckle-grabbing and the beer drinking, okay, i get it. i Do. but also. i feel like we overlook the conversation that comes before it way too much

i’ve made posts about it before but one thing i find fascinating about buck and eddie’s dynamic is that eddie, who so regularly clams up when discussing his emotions (though he’s gotten so much better in s5!!! proud of u bb!!!!), is almost always the one to initiate emotional conversations with buck. likewise, buck is generally quite good about discussing his feelings/wearing his heart on his sleeve and yet he can never seem to find the words when it comes to eddie.

i think there are a few reasons for it, honestly, but mostly i feel like it comes down to buck regularly taking his cues from eddie (as we saw again in 5a re: the shooting). funnily enough i think that’s why eddie so often does initiate the difficult conversations - because he knows buck needs him to. and reassuring buck is more important to him than whatever discomfort he might feel at being vulnerable.

as such, it’s very rare we see buck being the one to push back between them (though it’s become much more common with s5 but we’re talking s3 era here) and tbh prior to s5, this and confronting eddie in 3x06 are the only times buck is the one to bring up the hard conversation. 

and what a conversation it is!!!!

for a number of reasons:

1) eddie’s reaction is very much on par with some of his reactions to buck pushing in early s5. he can be the softest, most earnest person on the planet when he’s decided he wants to tell buck something important. but if buck initiates it his instinct is to push back. bc he doesn’t expect it!!! bc he doesn’t know how to react to buck so blatantly caring about him!!!!

2) i know buck mentions chris when he says “you and chris needed me” but i do think this is one of the few conversations that very much feels like it’s about them. about buck and eddie. again, we’ve all made a million posts about how buck and eddie use chris as a shield to say how they really feel but this conversation - much like the expendable portion of the will reveal - for the most part feels like it’s just buck talking about how much eddie means to him and vice versa.

3) buck’s steadfast insistence that his place is at eddie’s side, that he wants to be there for eddie, is just. so much. i love it i love it alexa play your mess is mine by vance joy

4) buck acknowledging that eddie’s fight club sitch probably wouldn’t have gotten as bad as it did if he’d been there as a support is just askdjhfas very similar vibes to eddie yelling in a grocery store about how he’s not allowed to call his best friend. these men are codependent and they Know It

finally, i actually think it kind of adds to the flirty nature of the rest of the scene??? like, it gives it more weight???? because they’re talking about their relationship and acknowledging aspects of it they rarely have before!!!!! 

TL;DR the horny flirting is actually only as extra as it is because of the emotional conversation that comes before it 💖

[demonsandmischief]

Come Home To Me Part 2

Marvel - A Sam Wilson Imagine

Sam Wilson x Female Reader

1K Words

Here's Part 1

TFATWS Spoilers Kinda

-Part 2-

Finding you.

----

"This place is empty," Sam groaned miserably to Bucky into their earpiece. "I was prepped for full fire fight. It's just an abandoned warehouse."

"It doesn't look like anybody has been here in awhile," Bucky told him. "I've got some old newspapers, but that's about it."

Sam thoroughly went through every room in the basement. It was where you said you'd be, so why weren't you there?

"I'm sorry," Bucky said from behind him.

"I don't understand. Do you think she's okay? Does she even exist?"

It was hard to see Sam like this, a man normally so care-free and easy going. This had really taken a toll on him. It sucked that Bucky didn't have any answers for him.

"Maybe I remembered it wrong." Sam took a shaky breath, a million scenerarios running through his head.

"Hey," Bucky patted his back. "It's going to be okay."

"I'm sorry I dragged you out here, man. I know we don't always get a break." Sam shook his head, running his hand down his face.

"Don't worry about that," Buck said softly, observing the exhausted man in front of him. "Let's get out of here."

Sam stood from where he had been resting on the wall, a piercing pain flooding his temple as his vision went white. His knees buckled, and he released a startled yell.

"Sam."

"Are you okay?" Bucky asked, gripping his arm and helping him up.

"Please hurry."

Sam let out another groan of pain, reaching up to his head, "Do you hear that?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm trying to find you, but you're not here," he yelled back to the voice, sending his foot into the wall with frustration.

Bucky furrowed his brows as he watched.

"They knew you were coming. They put me in a van, but didn't lock the door. I can jump out."

"Don't jump. Not until I get close." Sam didn't know how she was talking to him. Bucky was looking at him like he had grown another head.

"They took her in a van."

"I'm not sure I want to believe the man that just had a full ass conversation with himself."

"Shut up."

---

"You're Captain America?"

"You can see me? Bucky, that's the van, on third street." He said from the sky.

"Sam that street is an exit to the freeway. She's going to have to jump, otherwise other people are going to get caught in the mix. Are the people driving armed?"

"I don't think they'd drive a armored truck like that without some kind of weapon."

"There's two up front and three in the back with me. All with weapons."

The communication caused a dull ache in Sam's head. He was confused and scared. He'd never imagined having to rescue his soul mate, and it added a whole other vulnerability factor.

"How the hell were you planning on jumping if there's three in the back with you?"

"What's the plan, Sam? We're running out of time here."

Sam folding his wings slightly, allowing him to get closer, "You get the back and I'll get the front. On my count."

He knew Bucky never waited for his count. He had already launched himself into the van, yanking on the metal handles that opened up too easily. The doors came right off their hinge, flying into the busy street with sparks and chaos.

"My bad," Bucky yelled, jumping off.

Sam used Redwing to take out the drivers. The vehicle crashed full force into a lamp post with a metallic crunch.

He landed on his feet, eager to see who was inside.

Two large men staggered out disoriented, but, guns raised.

"There must be one still in there. We need to make sure he doesn't try to take off."

Bucky nodded, "I'll deal with these two. You go."

"He's waiting for you. Be careful."

There was a lot of smoke, and a sickening smell of gasoline.

"What exactly does Captain America want with our van," a greasy man sneered, blocking something or someone in the corner.

Sam squinted as his eyes adjusted to the low light. "If I wanted the van, I wouldn't have crashed it."

"You need to draw him out. You can't do anything if she's cornered in there," Bucky told him in his ear.

"My hands are tied, but I can kick him from behind. Let me take him. You grab the gun."

You really wanted to fight. He couldn't help but smile slightly at the eagerness. It was kind of adorable.

"You're a smartass and you need to get out," the man growled, pointing his gun and forcing Sam backwards toward the opening.

The man stumbled forward, and Sam took it as an opportunity to get the weapon. They struggled for a moment, and the triggered was pulled in the process, sending bullets ricocheting off the metal walls like a pinball machine.

"Shit," Sam yelled. He hoped you were okay.

Bucky snapped the gun in half, knocking the guy out in one clean punch. He threw the pieces on the ground. He stared darkly at Sam, silently asking him why he was such an idiot. "Should we be worried about more coming?"

"Yes," you spoke up for the first time. "The warehouse was full of them."

Sam walked hesitantly to the corner. Your hands were tied behind your back and around the seat, preventing you from moving.

"Now I really want to know how you were planning on jumping."

You shrugged with a smile, "I could have figured out a way."

Sam smiled back, working quickly to free your hands. "I'm Sam Wilson."

"Y/N, Y/L/N," you copied. "Thank you for getting me out of here."

---

He winced when he saw how raw your wrists were. "I have a lot of questions, but let's get going first."

Here's Part 3

Thoughts? I'm not an action writer so I was scared for this.

Tag List: @superwholockruleztheworld @imiiimargo @hiuahoe @idunnomayn @cable-kenobi @nialeesato @bklynxbaby @wolflover384  @mytbel0st @burnalley @heyarely16 @lilithknight1111  @loveyou5everr @yougottalovefandoms @lets-love-little-me @cxlpxrnia @taleah 

[genevievemd]

It's that time again, Miss Sara! Newlyweds questions: photos edition!

Notes: Answer the following with pictures (dialogue from your characters is optional!). Collages are highly encouraged if you want to answer a question with multiple pictures because tumblr mobile only allows 10 total pics (there are 10 questions). Otherwise, tumblr on a desktop lets you add multiple pictures!

Also, don’t worry about picking pictures of your face claim (if any) to answer these! Any picture of the outfit/place, no matter who is wearing it, makes absolute sense! Have fun!

For MC

Favorite picture of Ethan at your wedding?

Favorite picture on your honeymoon (of him or otherwise)?

Favorite outfit(s) on him?

What does your home look like?

Picture of your spouse's last purchase.

For Ethan

Favorite picture of your wife at your wedding?

Favorite picture on your honeymoon (of her or otherwise)?

Favorite outfit(s) on him/her?

Picture of a dream getaway or date you would surprise her with?

Last picture she sent you.

P.S. Thank you so much for sending me some newlywed Qs for Ethan x Lilac. I am working on them and hope to post them soon!

MY FAVORITE TIME OF WEEK. You're an icon for doing these, a legend, a queen.

Also, I couldn't resist putting dialogue.

For MC:

1. Favorite picture of Ethan at your wedding?

Gen: Aside from the one of our first dance, it's the photo Henry posted of Ethan, when he was getting ready for the ceremony. I sent him this super long text about how excited I was to marry him and how much I love him, and Henry took a picture of Ethan reading it. Ethan: Because I sat there for a good ten minutes reading it over a handful of times. I had one of the many moments where I find it hard to believe that you agreed to marry me.

2. Favorite picture on your honeymoon (of him or otherwise)?

Gen: *snickers* Ethan: It's one of the million -- Gen: Yes. It is. If you don't want me to take a million photos of you, stop being so freaking hot.

Gen: Look at him, he's a freakin greek god. Unreal.

3. Favorite outfit(s) on him?

Ethan: I know the answer to this one. Gen: As you should. His all black suit, I don't know what it is about that freakin outfit but it makes him hotter, which seems impossible, but it does.

4. What does your home look like?

Gen: Less like a unwelcoming dungeon of solitude since I moved in. Ethan: Did you just insult my taste? Gen: Yes. *leans over and kisses his cheek*

(Oh Hey, it's me I'm breaking character to show you the floor plan that I envision for their/Ethan's apartment - because I'm extra)

5. Picture of your spouse's last purchase.

Gen: He bought a boujee new office chair. Ethan: It was necessary. Gen: It was expensive. Ethan: But necessary. I spend more time in my office as chief than I do seeing patients, I needed a new chair. Gen: *whispers* also because we may have broken the last one... Ethan: *clears throat* that too.

For Ethan

1. Favorite picture of your wife at your wedding? 

Ethan: It’s technically a photo of the two of us, but I only see her.  Gen: Such a smooth talker Ethan: I’m being honest, G. The only thing I see is your smile, how happy you are.

2. Favorite picture on your honeymoon (of her or otherwise?)

Ethan: I don’t think I can show that one. Gen: Ethan! Ethan: It’s my favorite picture from our honeymoon! That was the question. Gen: Pick a different one. You can’t show that one. 

Gen: Where’s that from?  Ethan: The boat tour.  Gen: Oh yeah, one of the few times we left the resort... and our room. Ethan: And you wonder why the other is my favorite. 

3. Favorite outfit(s) on him/her?

Gen: Why? Ethan: It’s distracting.  Gen: I’m not showing anything... Ethan: Oh, trust me, that skirt is showing enough.

4. Picture of a dream getaway or date you would surprise her with?

Ethan: St. Lucia. We almost chose it for our honeymoon, but decided to go to The Maldives instead. So her dream getaway, is St. Lucia.  Gen: Its so pretty. And tropical. 

5. Last picture she sent you.

Ethan: Can I... am I allowed? Gen: Why not. 

Gen: During a meeting to. I got yelled at. Ethan: I was with Leland and the board! Gen: I was trying to entice you to come home sooner.  Ethan: And it worked. 

(I love this new game so much, please keep sending me things. Also I totally forgot that I sent you questions 😂)

[curiousscientistkae]

Another thing that has been bugging me

So once again, I have to start by saying this. All of this is under the cut. It is tagged. Yall do not have to read it so yall can ignore it. This is not made to be argued with. The show is nearly one year out since the ending so my stance won’t change. I doubt anyone else’s will but I still want to put this post out as why so many people are still upset about c/a and s/pop. If you are willing to just listen to the other side and then just move on, cool. If you are looking for a fight, please leave. You will be blocked if you start shit. I, and many other abuse victims, are allowed to be upset and criticize this show that once made us really happy. Please understand that. 

Anyway onto something that has been bugging me for a long long time:

There are many things I am upset over in s5. I and others have talked about many before. Today, I am gonna focus on the line Catra said about “I have always loved you” to Adora. 

This line is, bullshit. I could write a book on why and give examples for days. However, I will be sticking to five main points. In no order:

            1.Season 3 Inside the portal. 

Let’s start with this doozy. We know this is a perfect world, so to speak, and Catra and Adora are together. However, things start to fall apart quickly. Adora keeps wanting to figure out what is going on and Catra brushes her off. This keeps going on until a breaking point. The scene I want to focus on:

[cue fight]

Right off the bat, Catra is blaming Adora for something. It does not help that right before this scene, Adora is asking Catra to come with her, saying she won’t leave her again, yet Catra refuses. This is a topic for another day but in s5 Catra also had said “stay just this once” which is a lie since Adora kept asking for Catra to come. This is a topic for a different post. Moving on. 

“I won’t let you win. I’d rather see the whole world end than let that happen.”

This line is uncomfortable. One of the biggest red flags for an abusive relationship is the line of “If I can’t have you, no one can.”

This line mirrors that line. Catra does not want Adora to win. She would let the whole world, millions of people, die then allow Adora to save them. This is NOT love. It’s toxic and dangerous and mirrors the biggest red flag on earth for an abusive relationship, for someone who is controlling. 

              2. Season 2 White Out

Oh boy. This is also a doozy. Let’s hit the ground running for this. After capturing Adora, right after infecting her with the First One’s tech, this happens:

Catra then laughs after this. She is gleeful at the thought of using Adora to attack Adora’s friends. In a point we will get to next, Catra knows Adora loves her friends. That hurting them, hurts her. She knows this and is using it against the person she later claims she has always loved. Now the second scene:

Oh boy. Where do I begin with this? It speaks for itself really. Catra does not want to give up controlling Adora. She WANTS to have control over her. THAT is abuse. That is NOT love. Hell, Catra was telling Scorpia not to destroy the disc. This is not good at all.

             3. Season 1 Going for the Heart. 

This one is more brief. But as said above, Catra knows about Adora’s love for her friends. How? She says it herself.

Following this, she attacks Princess Prom and takes away Adora’s friends. She knows Adora’s weakness, she is AWARE of it, and uses it to HURT Adora. Love is not supposed to harm, especially going out of your way and knowing the other’s weakness to hurt them.

            4. Season 1 Battle of Brightmoon

 More on Catra knowing what hurts Adora and using it against her:

Catra is putting Adora down. She is cutting deep into Adora, pretty much going for the jugular. Adora wants to protect others, it's part of her abuse and guilt complex. Catra knows this, she knows where to strike. She wants Adora to hurt. This is abuse, putting someone down, making them feel weak, blaming them for something. It’s horrible.

(not to mention here this the scene where Catra cuts Adora up like on the back which people seem to love to fetishize)

And this is in SEASON 1

               5. Season 5 Double Trouble

I was having some trouble finding caps for this but all in season 4 we had DT fucking with the Rebellion. Who sent them?

Catra?

Now thanks to a friend, I was able to find this. We all know Adora and Glimmer had problems in s4. Now it was starting before but who made it worse tho? DT was fucking with them, making them fight more. They added fuel to a fire that was burning, yes. But this scene just is gross also.

Once again, Catra knows Adora’s weakness. She is once again using it to her advantage. She is telling DT to go fuck with Adora’s and Glimmer’s relationship. This also can mirror the idea of in abuse, the abuser not wanting the person they abuse to have other friends. Catra was always mad Adora made new friends (another side note which can be its own post, again Adora asked Catra to come. Adora left an abusive household and asked Catra to come but Catra refused. And in the s5 flashback, we see Catra get mad and lash out that Adora is being friends with Lonnie). 

I can keep going on. Honestly. Hell in s5, if we should add more since I have at least one thing from every season, Catra did tell Prime about Adora’s ship. Like oof fam. 

So much is just not great. Now, I will give some credit. In s1, we do see Catra giving Adora the sword back and Adora and Glimmer are trying to get out of the Horde. She does say later something to the degree of “you think I would let Shadow Weaver erase your mind like that”

But honestly, that is all I can remember that can be argued for the “I've always loved you”.

Now, people will yell and scream at me that Catra changed. This is yet again, a whole different post. But like, she did not start really changing into s5. S5 had 13 eps and so much else going for it. That is TOO short of a time. Not to mention, everything above and more, that is HEAVY STUFF. It is not simple ‘I hurt you by mistake’. 

No, it's Catra wanting Adora to hurt. She wanted Adora to suffer. That is NOT love. I myself have had to suffer through mental and emotional abuse. I have had to suffer with someone putting me down, manipulating me, making me feel worthless but being told they love me. I hate this person and even if they ever change, I will never forgive for the years and years of abuse I had to and still do suffer from. I cannot fully get away from them as they are a family member. 

Catra never loved Adora. This is just a lie because so much of the above is not love. Even if I  missed this that could be in favor of the line, again, everything I have shown is really bad. Things that cannot easily be forgiven. So please understand why people are so upset and triggered by c/a.

S/pop and c/a could have been something but the crew really dropped the ball and just made it a horrible ship. And this mind you is coming from someone who used to ship it.

[stardusttkachuk]

Santa’s Workshop

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: fluff, swearing,

Summary: JJ picks up a holiday job, working as one of Santa’s elves. He doesn’t expect to meet another elf there, but isn’t disappointed in who he’ll be working with all season.

A/N: This is day 1 of starduststarkey’s 12 days of Christmas. Find other fics in my masterlist

Wanna be tagged? click here!

“You look fucking ridiculous,” John B says as JJ stands in front of the broken full length mirror that JB picked up from a junkyard.

“At least I have a job, asshat.” He fixes his hat on his head, grimacing at the way the tights hug his body. He’s uncomfortable in every place imaginable and is already dreading the 5 hour shift.

“Maybe if you’re a good elf, Santa will bring you a girlfriend this year!” Pope teases.

“You better shut the fuck up before this elf beats you to a pulp,” JJ threatens, fists raised.

Pope laughs. “I don’t think elves are supposed to be getting in fist fights.”

JJ huffs and rolls his eyes. Pope is right. He can’t show up to this job covered in bruises, that would scare the kids even more than he probably already will.

“Will you please drive me?” He asks John B. 

“Maybe you should ask Santa for a car,” John B says, grabbing the keys to the Twinkie.

“Why do you think I even took this job in the first place? Please. I don’t want to be seen in public like this.”

You set your bag in the provided cubby, checking your phone one last time before your scheduled session. When you had signed up to be one of Santa’s elves at the local mall, you were ecstatic. You and your best friend had been doing this for the last two years. But this year, your best friend ditched you for the hot chocolate stand. Really she ditched you for the cute girl who worked at the hot chocolate stand, and now you were stuck working with some kid named JJ Maybank. You crossed your fingers in hopes that he wasn’t some loser like the guy they hired last season.

“Santa arrives in 10 minutes! You better be out there in 5!” Natasha, the showrunner of Santa’s Workshop yells through the improvised locker and changing room. “Where’s your other elf?”

You shrug. “I don’t know. He hasn’t shown up yet.”

“Well when he gets here tell him he’s a dead man if he isn’t here 15 minutes prior to his shift.” She storms out, clipboard in hand. 

The first day is always one of the craziest. Things don’t settle down until a few weeks in. And by the time they do settle down, it’s already the week before Christmas and they get crazy again. 

“Hi. I’m JJ Maybank. I think this is where I’m supposed to be?” You hear someone say, likely talking to the nutcracker that’s posted outside the green room.

“In there. Find Y/N. You’ll know it’s her because she’ll be dressed just like you.”

You roll your eyes. At least he showed up. Ten minutes late but he did make it.

He passes through the curtains, blonde hair a mess under his elf hat. You’ll have to remind him to brush it before he arrives. You have an extra brush in your bag, but you know you won’t have time to make it look perfect.

He spies you easily, strutting towards you. “I’m JJ. Are you Y/N?” 

“That’s me. You’re late, by the way.”

JJ looks at his watch, eyes wide and mouth agape. “I’m five minutes early! That’s the earliest I’ve been for any job!”

“Natasha’s rules state all workshop employees must be present 15 minutes prior to their shift.”

JJ rolls his eyes. “It’s only ten minutes.”

“And if it happens again, you’re a dead man. So you better be here 15 minutes early next time.”

“Okay but why 15? Aren’t we just sitting around those 15 minutes until our shift starts?”

“It’s for costume malfunctions. Like your hair. It needs to be brushed. If you had been here 10 minutes earlier, maybe we would’ve had time to brush it and make it look better.”

“My hair looks fine,” JJ grumbles, though he does attempt to smooth down the ends with his hands. 

You lead him over to the cubby next to yours, gesturing to it. “Put your stuff in here. And that includes your phone.”

JJ places both his phone and wallet into the cubby. He then takes his jacket off and puts it on top of the two valuable items.

“No one is going to steal your stuff, if you’re worried about that. This place is heavily monitored,” you say. “And no one but Santa’s crew is allowed back here anyway.”

JJ is about to speak when an elderly woman with white hair tucked under her hat enters the room. “Looks like Mrs. Claus has arrived,” he jokes.

“That’s Natasha.” You grab JJ’s hand, pulling him out to Santa’s corner before Natasha has a chance to yell at him for his tardiness.

“So what exactly do we do?” JJ whispers, eyeing the line of children and their parents that seems to wrap around the entire display.

“We help the kids from their parents to Santa’s lap and then back out to their parents again. And don’t forget the candy cane before they leave.”

JJ grimaces. “You mean we have to interact with the kids?”

“Yes. Now smile and act like an elf,” you say.

“How do- ohf!” JJ grunts as you elbow him and immediately reach forward for the hand of a little girl.

“Hi! I’m elf Y/N! And this is my friend elf JJ! What’s your name?” You ask in a high pitched voice. 

“I’m Sophie,” she beams. She grasps onto JJ’s hand and you have to bite your lip to keep from laughing at the face he makes. It’s clear he isn’t a fan of kids and you can’t wait to watch him interact with them for the next 30 days.

JJ pulls his booties on over the tights, chuckling to himself as the bells jingle. They jingle every time he walks. He’s grown so used to the sound now though. He’s grown used to looking absolutely ridiculous in his costume. He’s even grown used to the kids, which he thought was impossible.

But the way Y/N smiles when he coos at a baby or holds onto a preschoolers hand has helped him get over his dislike of the kids. He’d do just about anything to see her smile.

“Ready?” John B asks from the doorway, keys looped around his finger.

“Actually a friend is picking me up,” JJ says, grabbing his phone and wallet.

“What friend? You don’t have any friends besides us.”

“Well that’s very rude of you to think. I have plenty of friends. And her name is Y/N. We work together.”

“Work together or sleep together? Or both. Do you guys like, get it on in the costumes?”

“Ew, no,” JJ scoffs.

“Okay, you know elves is somebody's kink,” John B adds, shuddering as he does.

“I didn’t want to know that. I don’t want to think about that.”

“Okay but Y/N… you like her.”

“No. We’re just friends. We’re coworkers. We work the same shift and she offered to give me a ride, okay? Now can you make yourself disappear before she gets here? I don’t want her seeing your face.”

John B pouts. “Why not? I have a very likable face.”

“Just… please?” JJ asks, but it’s too late. 

The beat up Ford truck pulls up in front of the house. JJ knows it’s hers. On days when they work late and it’s dark outside by the time they leave, he walks her to her car. They once spent two extra hours after work sitting in her car and talking. She even gave him a ride home once, but he made her drop him off down the street. It was too risky for her to pull up to his actual house, especially if his dad was home. 

JJ knows John B is in the doorway when he exits the house. He watches as Y/N waves, a courteous smile on her face. JJ walks to the passenger side, hearing the familiar squeak of the old door.

“Who’s that?”

“John B. He’s my best friend.”

“He’s dating Sarah Cameron right?” she asks.

“Yeah. You know Sarah?”

“Everyone on this island knows Sarah,” Y/N laughs. JJ knows she’s not wrong. Everyone did know the Cameron's, especially after the huge scandal that went down last summer. People don’t typically forget about a murder and stealing of millions of dollars worth in gold.

“Right,” JJ laughs nervously. 

You tear your elf hat off as soon as you reach your truck. Today was a hard shift. Multiple crying kids, lines that wrapped all around the mall, parents who didn’t understand the concept of patience and waiting, and then there was the kid that peed on Santa Claus and made everyone wait even longer while Santa went to change. It was a nightmare. 

If it wasn’t for JJ, today would’ve been the day you quit.

But he insisted on stopping for dinner before you dropped him off, so here you were, sitting at a booth across from him, the both of you still clad in your elf costumes.

You probably looked ridiculous but you didn’t care. JJ was your sole focus tonight. He let you vent to him about the craziness of the day and when you weren’t talking he was telling you about the funniest wishes he had overheard while on candy cane duty. 

“All their missing socks?” You laugh, hand covering your mouth.

JJ nods, laughing harder. “He-He couldn’t understand why the dryer monster needed his socks more than him. He even asked if-if monsters were on the naughty list!” JJ bursts out laughing, as do you. If there was one thing that could cheer you up, it was this.

“Kids got a point,” you giggle. “Why does the dryer monster only take one sock and not both? Do you think he only has one leg?”

JJ nods, his smile wide. “Yeah, instead of one eye he’s got one leg.”

Your laughs die down slowly, but you can’t wipe the smile off your face. The smile that was forced all throughout the day was now a real one.

“I’ve missed that smile,” JJ says, reaching his hand across the table.

You blush but take his hand without hesitation, lacing your fingers through his.

JJ nervously clears his throat. “Do you think when this is all over, I can take you on an actual date?”

You’re not sure your smile could get any wider. “I’d like that.”

You both stare at each other for a while longer, before JJ can’t wait anymore. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he says, leaning over the table.

“I’d like that too,” you respond, meeting him halfway.

Tags: @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @serpentbaby @etoilesnoor @k-k0129 @maybanksbaby @talksoprettyjjx @canibeoneofthepogues @multifixx  @theonetheonlyalexbrown @glux64 @shy-1234 @sleepyhollands @cognacdelights @ilovejjmaybank @blueeyedbesson @cheshirecat107 @myrandom-fandomlife @makebank @ifilwtmfc @obxmxybxnk  @kookkyra @rafej-cambanks @blindedbypeaky @ahiae @repostcentral @midnightzonzz @blxndeprincess @dracosbbygorl @itsagurl @Poguesinablanket @amandaburris @tovvaa @sunnsettee

[sleephyjhs]

Him As Your Boyfriend (Jimin Headcanon)

genre: fluff , boyfriend au

pairing: boyfriend!jimin x reader

note: jimin is the last of the members! there’s now a version of this headcanon for all 7 of our boys, go check em out if you enjoy this one! 🥺

m.list | requested

EVERYDAY LIFE

i included orange min for your own mental health :))

enjoy

okay anyway

i’ve said this literally every time

but who WOULDNT wanna date jimin??

seriously find me one single person

i once saw someone on twitter say

jimin is the result of raising a child with overwhelming love (in the good way)

and i’ve never forgotten it

because it might just be the truest thing i’ve ever read

this man is just a living care bear

which makes him a million times more attractive

skinship is a constant with jimin

he’d never ever allow you to forget how much he adores and treasures you

i think he’s the clingy type, but you’d never mind

if you were catching up with a drama on netflix

jimin wouldn’t hesitate to come and lay across your lap

and try and follow along with the plot

when he gets overtired

and maybe a bit whiny or grumpy

jimin would drag the fluffiest of blankets in the house over to your seat

and do his best to cover you both up

before snuggling into your neck or chest

whatever would keep him the warmest

in the winter, he’d prepare hot chocolate for you

exactly the way you liked it

putting more effort into yours than his own

imagine dancing around the house with jimin

trying to get some housework done

but he can’t resist twirling you down the corridor as though it were a ballroom

supporting you and he leaning you back into an arch

admiring the gleaming yet nervous smile on your face

you knew damn well he’d never drop you

but the thought never quite left your mind mind

i think jimin’s one of the best members for clothes shopping

a very elegant yet somehow casual style

it really suits him

anyway

i doubt he’d have any problem waiting for you to try on your picks

but when something didn’t work for you

instead of carrying it to the rejected rack for you

jimin would go back into the shop floor

and rescan all the shelves and racks to see if there was an alternative

more times than not he’d find something even better than the last

HIS GESTURES

y’all remember his vlog in paris?

i rewatch it all the time

and over their break in october (?) 2019

jimin seemed to do a lot of sightseeing

so here’s what i’m thinking

travelling with jimin

and just seeing the world

i can’t remember if i’ve done this idea before in one of these

but jimin is the member who i associate the most with sightseeing

especially going to romantic areas

florence and venice in italy

the alps in france

sintra in portugal

santorini in greece

prague in czech republic

like i said

jimin is the human embodiment of love

and so he’d never feel as though you were dragging him around the city

just imagine the instagram feed pls :((

with the photos from your trip

jimin would compile a scrapbook

with ticket stubs and receipts

pressed flowers too

not just that though

in every city he took you to

jimin bought you a piece of jewellery to mark the destination

bracelets with your gemstone embedded between precious stones

earrings curled into abstract figurines

but lastly

in the last city on your journey

jimin found a moment alone to pick out the perfect ring

sliver metalwork

a symmetrical array of the finest diamonds

sprinkled between colourful gems

and on the last summer sunset of your voyage

he proposed to you in the empty city plaza

just you and him alone

in a city that crafted so many lovers before you

i can’t even bring myself to finish anymore of this

it literally hurts to think about this

HIS ATTITUDES

i feel like a broken record at this point

but ill say it again to make it hurt even more

this man is 1% human

99% love

and so i have to mention how he’d treat you before anything

we’ve seen how much he loves his members

and it might seem impossible to think about how much more he could do to treat a romantic partner

but i feel like it’s possible

no partner of jimin’s would ever second guess his dedication to them

always making sure that you’re okay

in situations you’re less comfortable in

the sly hand around your waist at parties or gatherings

(post-covid of course, wear ur masks)

the hand on your thigh while he’s driving

i’m just gonna say it

he’s absolutely trying the lady and the tramp spaghetti move

there’s no way he isn’t

despite how much of a gentleman we just know jimin is

god help anybody who decided to get in his wrong side

i swear i remember the member’s voting him the scariest when angry

and yknow

i believe it

jimin would do anything to protect you

i can’t imagine there’s much holding him back

no one hurts his partner

no

body

although you most likely wouldn’t like it when he yells

getting jimin to that level of anger would surely warrant it

he was protective of you

and in a way

that was more than comfort itself

jimin would always have your back

and when possible

you’d have his as well

[skiller0dani]

Moonlight | Draco Malfoy

MASTERLIST Harry Potter Masterlist

angst requested requests info

Part 9/10 (Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)(Part 4)(Part 5)(Part 6)(Part 7)(Part 8)(Part 10) song

almost finished!! this weekend I’ll post the LAST part to my ‘Obliviate’ Series! 

Ron tried to not get involved in your relationship with Draco, if anything he actively avoided the topic altogether. But even he had to admit that the disastrous breakup was hard to ignore, even for him. He hated seeing you so sad, and he hates to admit it but seeing Draco so upset was tugging at his heartstrings- and he didn’t even like Draco all that much. You he cared deeply for, and seeing you in this state was difficult for him, but most of all for Harry. You barely ate, barely spoke, and your grades had begun to slip considerably. 

Draco was your everything, and his betrayal was more brutal than anything else you could envision. You still couldn’t wrap your head around it, you wouldn’t let yourself accept that Draco did this- all of this- of his own free will. With all his memories in tact, while still claiming that he loves you. You hate the fact that you care, but there still has to be more to it. You were determined to get to the bottom of this, you needed to know why. 

It had been weeks since you’ve spoken to Draco, you couldn’t even bring yourself to look him in the eye during meals. You always felt his eyes on you at least once, and you tried desperately to remain composed, to not let a tear escape. The worst part was that you expected Draco to fight for you, to beg you to speak to him, to do anything. But he didn’t do anything, he was letting you go and he wasn’t fighting for you. How could he say he loves you but then let you go? You know Draco well enough to know when he isn’t telling you the truth, and Draco has lied to you more this year then he ever has before. You were desperate to know why. It couldn’t just be about the Dark Mark, because Draco is afraid. He’s scared of Voldemort sure, but he’s acting as though you’re always in imminent danger. As though being near him could kill you at any given moment, you don’t understand. You need to understand. 

“Just let it go.” Hermione mumbled a few nights later as you sat with her studying for Arithmancy. Your head was rested in your hand as you flipped through the book laid out in front of you, a book you got from the restricted section- with Dumbledore’s written permission of course. It contained everything wizards knew about the Dark Mark, and the dark magic it possessed. The process it takes to receive a Dark Mark is horribly painful, your heart squeezes painfully every time you remember Draco had to go through that pain. 

“I can’t, you know that.” Your voice sounds harsher than you’d intended but for the last few days Hermione has been relentlessly trying to get you to give up. Even though Draco has hurt you worse than anyone ever has, you’ll never stop fighting to learn the truth. 

“This is going to get you killed, don’t you understand that?” She snaps back, dropping her quill as she glares at you from across the table. 

“I don’t care!” 

“Draco isn’t worth this Y/N!” You slam your book shut and shove away from the table. 

“He is to me.” With that you march right out of the common room, your heart pounding wildly as you go. 

Draco tugs nervously on the collar of his shirt for the hundredth time today as he sits outside Snape’s office. Another full moon is rising tonight, and if Draco doesn’t get the Wolfsbane potion from Snape, he’s going to turn himself in to Dumbledore. He can’t risk what happened last time, to happen again. Draco can’t hurt anyone else. The corridor is silent, so silent you could hear a pin drop as Draco nervously tapped his foot against the stone floor. With the potion, Draco will unfortunately still turn, but the potion will grant him the ability to remember who he is. The anxiety turning in his gut makes him feel as though he’s going to faint, the horrible memory of tearing you apart and nearly killing you gives him nightmares. He can’t hurt anyone ever again- especially you. 

The door creaks open and much to Draco’s relief, a small bottle is held in Snape’s palm. Draco takes it wordlessly and stalks down the corridor, there’s still a few hours until evening. Once Draco exits the castle, his owl drops a letter into his palm before flying off for the Owlery. Against his better judgement, Draco has written a letter to Professor Lupin. The only other Werewolf that Draco knows of that actively avoids trying to eat people. He tears the letter open, reading the words over hastily. 

Draco, 

The second transformation isn’t nearly as traumatic as the first, but it’s always painful. Agony unlike anything else you’ll ever know, and the potion doesn’t stop the transformation. That’s important Draco, nothing can stop you from changing. But the potion allows you to remember who you are and the people you love, and so it gives you the ability to curl up somewhere and wait until morning. While you’ll physically change into the animal, you won’t become the animal- you’ll still be you. During my first transformations I ended up injuring my parents, this is who you are and every Werewolf has hurt somebody. Every single one of them. I’ll be here to help and guide you, and don’t worry- your secret is safe with me. 

-Remus Lupin

It’s almost embarrassing for Draco to admit that the letter provided him some comfort. Draco clutched the letter tightly to his chest, his palms trembling as the time read 5:30 pm. He needs you to stay as far from him as humanly possible, but unfortunately that’s not in your plans for today. 

“Draco?” He hears your small voice from behind him and his entire body goes rigid. No! You need to leave, now. Draco turns with a gulp, his eyes briefly meeting yours. You open your mouth to speak but Draco cuts you off- “you need to go Y/N.” 

His tone is firm but you see the fear in his eyes, the trembling in his palms, the sweat trickling down the side of his face. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.” You cross your arms, your eyes trying to meet his but he keeps avoiding your gaze. Draco runs a shaky hand through his hair, the potion secured safely in his palm. “I’m not kidding, go. Leave.” His voice is harsh as he snaps at you, and you flinch away from the intensity in his tone. He turns to walk away but you grab his wrist, yanking back to look at you. 

“If you really loved me you wouldn’t be running away!” You gasp, tears welling in your eyes. Draco turns to you, his eyebrows pinching together as he looks down at you sadly. 

“It’s because I love you that I’m running away. Trust me, you don’t want to be anywhere near me right now.” His voice is trembling as a haunted look crosses over his face as the sun begins it’s descent from the sky. Draco’s eyes snap up, noticing the courtyard darkening. “What are you-” Draco yanks away from you before you can finish, his eyes sending you silent pleas to just let him go. He darts into the castle, his stride quick but you quickly begin to scramble after him. Draco unstoppers the potion bottle and drinks it, feeling his hands and feet beginning to tingle. He’s going to change within an hour at least, and when he glances behind him he sees you trailing after him. 

“Draco!” You call, you’ve never seen him like this before. He looks positively petrified and you won’t let him go until you understand why. He doesn’t stop or slow, if anything he begins to walk quicker. You jog to catch up with him and you grab him by the shoulders, “what the hell is going on!” You nearly yell, tears falling down your cheeks as you take him in. The sight before you nearly makes you gasp. He looks sickly, his eyes sunken in and heavy bags underneath them. His skin is pale, more so than usual, and clammy. His entire body is trembling so hard it’s practically buzzing, and you swear you can see his heart pounding in his chest. 

Fear ripples through Draco’s body as the sun begins to dip below the horizon, he places his own hands on your shoulders with a look of raw desperation in his eyes. “Y/N, you have to go right now. Go and don’t come looking for me-” His eyes dart to the window, the moon is beginning to rise. Panic envelops Draco as he feels the first bone beginning to crack. You hear the sickening crunch of his bones changing and you release him, horror on your face as Draco’s face twists in pain. “Go!” Draco yells, turning and nearly sprinting down the hallway, towards the exit to the castle. He thought he had more time- he was wrong. 

For reasons even you don’t understand, your feet carry on after Draco. You hear more of his bones cracking as he stumbles to the ground just as he crosses the rickety bridge. “D-Dray what’s happening?” You cry, panic curling it’s icy fingers around your throat as you watch him with wide eyes. Draco releases a wail of agony that sends you across the grass and to his side just at the edge of the forbidden forest. “Please, go.” He begs again, and when Draco looks back at you- you jolt away from him with tears in your eyes. His eyes are glowing an ethereal pale blue. “Draco,” Your voice is a quiet, haunted whisper. You feel frozen, planted into the ground where you stand, watching as Draco cries out again just as the moon peeks out from the clouds. 

The moon rays hit Draco and as soon as they do he’s screaming again, except this time his body changes. You watch with horrified eyes as Draco’s entire body takes the shape of a giant white werewolf. You feel drilled into place, panic clutching at your heart and tears trickling down your cheeks as you stare into his eyes. You recognize this wolf, it’s the same one that attacked you. Draco attacked you. You wait as the white wolf remains hunched on the ground, and when he lifts his head and looks into your eyes your brows furrow. You can still see Draco in the eyes of the wolf, it’s not a mindless beast this time, it’s Draco. 

“Draco I know you’re still in there...” There are a million thoughts swirling around your head so fast you feel nearly dizzy. Draco lifts his head to watch you, and you reach a hand out for him but as you do he turns and bounds off into the forbidden forest. Your chest heaves as you collapse to the ground, your legs no longer having the strength to support you. Everything comes into focus now, why Draco did what he did. He was never that afraid of Voldemort hurting you, he was afraid he was going to hurt you. He’s a werewolf! When did this happen? How, why? You can’t stop the questions as they continue to bombard you, desperately trying to make sense of all of this. 

You fall forward, your palms catching you as you cry. Oh Draco. You had no idea what he’s been going through- what he’s had to endure this whole time. All you want now is to help him, and while you’re not sure you could ever forgive what he’s done to you- at least now you know the whole story. Your head snaps up when you hear the howl. The howl of a lonely werewolf. Your heart breaks in your chest for the thousandth time time today. You stand from the forest floor, you can’t just leave Draco all alone to deal with this by himself. Against your better judgement you keep your eyes focused on where the howl came from, and you trudge into the Forbidden Forest. 

***

@justmesadgirl​ @youknowiloveyou-so​ @pansiesanddasies​ @allaboutthatdrummer @lifeasdreamgirl​ @salafab @andydre4m​ @xdmx​ @clarissaxpearce​ @luciferatlantic​ @bitchybeatle​ @secretaccshh​ @kill-the-teen-memories​ @saptediavoli​ @sabor-a-ksoo​ @marianamarquez2027797​ @thehornyfrenchman​ @little-red-devil​ @moexniquee​ @capr1c0rn10 @trippy-morgan​ @arossebyanyothername​ @buckylahey​ @dracofeltonmalfoy​ @itsbebeyyy​ @marzen777​ @i-am-addicted-to-tea​ @lonely-kermit​ @artist-bby​ @lexxxtacyyy​ @fallinallinmendes​ @m-winchester-67​ @cocoamoonmalfoy​ @cleverhottubobject​ @just-another-selfcare-blog​ @realistic-breadstick

[icasttourniquet]

Common Misconceptions: Raising the Dead (CPR)

Let's start with the bad news: basically all the CPR you've seen in movies and TV shows is performed terribly.

Here's the good news: most CPR is performed on dead patients, which means even bad CPR is better than nothing.

What is CPR?

CPR stands for (googles hurriedly) Cardio-Pumonary Resuscitation. It has two parts: 1) chest compressions and 2) rescue breaths. Here's a video in case you're still confused, but most people have seen CPR performed a ton of times during the climaxes of medical shows. It comes right before either a) the nurse yells "Clear!" and the patient comes back to life or b) the EMT says "I'm not losing you" and injects the patient with adrenaline right to the heart, and then they come back to life.

Raising the Dead

CPR is generally performed on dead patients. That is, patients without a pulse. In the first responder business, the situation doesn't really get worse than dead, so it provides a unique opportunity for authors because you can't really get it wrong.

Here are some questions I've heard people ask while learning CPR:

Should I perform CPR on pulse-less patients who have chest wounds?

Can I continue performing CPR if I break a rib?

Should I perform CPR on pregnant people?

What if I can't give rescue breaths? Should I still give CPR?

My patient has a lot of broken limbs. Should I fix those before performing CPR?

My patient was electrocuted. Should I give CPR?

Here's the trick to answering all your CPR questions. Is my character dead (no pulse)? Does performing CPR put a) the first responder, b) another patient, or c) a bystander in danger?

If you can answer (yes) (no, no, no), congratulations! Your first responder can perform CPR, even really crappy CPR, even CPR that is ineffective, for as long as the plot requires (ModN's WFR instructor tells the story of a 6-hour CPR session on a dead patient during a journey to care that included a toboggan ride).

(NOTE: there's actually one solid contraindication: if the patient is severely hypothermic, their heart rate may be so slow and weak as to be undetectable. In this case (and pretty much only this case) chest compressions may actually do more harm than good. Other than that, obvious signs of death like decapitation or rigor mortis indicate you don't need to start resuscitation, but there are still plenty of compelling interpersonal reasons to do it – at that point you're doing CPR for the responder and survivors rather than the patient.)

Otherwise, your character should go for it!

The bad news about CPR

Time for the bad news (other than you having a dead character on your hands). In general,* CPR is not enough to bring someone back. Its role is to continue circulating oxygenated blood while you wait for a defibrillator like an AED to arrive. The AED or manual defibrillator is what actually convinces the heart to stop fluttering/beating erratically, and allows it to resume something like a normal rhythm. That means that in the wilderness, CPR is almost never going to work. That said, ModN's WFR instructors had a couple tales of AEDs falling from the sky (via helicopter, not under their own power), so it's worth trying regardless.

* The exception: lightning-struck patients can at times restart regular rhythms with just chest compressions. This leads to interesting triage considerations when dealing with the aftermath of lightning, but that's a subject for another post.

How to perform non-crappy CPR

There are a million videos on YouTube that can talk you through every sort of CPR. Keeping in mind, of course, that some CPR is better than nothing on a pulseless patient, here are some quick tips that could indicate your character has some training:

Your character distinguishes between adult and pediatric CPR. Because children don't tend to get heart attacks, pulse-less children almost always have a trauma or respiratory cause. This means responders give children more rescue breaths.

Your character keeps their elbows locked. Here's a playlist of some examples of bad CPR (and some are really quite bad). Actors generally can't lock their elbows because they'd risk injuring or even killing their scene partner (so, okay, fine, that's a decent excuse), but people with real training will know better.

They do not always give rescue breaths. Any CPR is better than no CPR. Rescue breaths can put the first responder at risk because they can involve lip-to-lip contact, assuming no PPE is available. I once had a paramedic say bluntly that he really only gives breaths to children—it's just not worth the risk to him for anyone else. If this sounds callous, remember, CPR is (almost) only performed on dead patients, and the number one priority in any disaster is yourself.

(ModN edit: in a professional setting your character will always have some sort of PPE for rescue breaths: a face shield at the minimum, or in the front country a full-blown bag valve mask (BVM) that allows them to use their hands to get air into the patient.)

Your character does a blood sweep before staring CPR in a trauma injury. You may have heard the rule no pulse = chest compressions immediately. This is almost always true, especially in the frontcountry, when most pulse-less patients you encounter will have had a heart attack. However, in the wilderness, we can run into a bad situation: chest compressions that pump all my patient's blood out the gushing wound in their side.

Maybe you're thinking, hey! I thought you said my character could always do CPR on a dead patient and they'd be fine! And yes, I did say that—thank you for listening. If your character performs CPR on a patient with no pulse and arterial wound, they have not killed their patient. This is because the patient was already dead. They have not "sped up" the bleeding out process because this patient has basically already bled out. So, I'm not blaming your character for anything.

That said, the pro-est of pros will do a blood sweep after finding no pulse and stuff/apply direct pressure/tourniquet as necessary. As an added note, your character with no pulse and the arterial bleed? Probably not going to survive.

This leads me to...

Writing more realistic necromancy

If your character's CPR is successful, your character has just raised the dead. Thinking about it this way can help you write more realistic resuscitation scenes. Here's the number one thing that will make all your CPR more realistic:

Your dead patient does not go from dead to walking and talking in a few seconds.

When the body has no pulse for a while, it gets unhappy. This is because all its internal organs are dying and also because it is dead. CPR replicates the pumping of a heart, but not particularly well. Most people whose organs are all dying don't get that shot of adrenaline to the heart (this is not part of any WFR or EMT protocol but whatever) and then go back to swashbuckling adventure after a quick sip of water.

In fact, in real life, checking the pulse of your patient is an important part of performing CPR because sometimes they come back to life and you don't notice.

So how might you accurately describe someone who's just come back from the dead via CPR (possibly plus defibrillation)? May I recommend some of the following words (no need to cite me—just plop 'em in your writing):

Unconscious

Unmoving

Pale

Clammy

Weak pulse

Non-responsive to pain

Not dead!!!

An added point: absolutely no one whose heart stopped is now "okay" because their heart restarted. They are "not dead" because their heart restarted. Admitedly, not dead is pretty good in the first response business, but they need to see a doctor. As soon as possible. This is because something caused the heart to stop and CPR did not treat that underlying cause. Many people who come back from the dead die again soon after, and could come back and die multiple times before picking a state more permanantly.

Wilderness-Specific CPR

In the wilderness, we have get one (1) special CPR-related ability and that is the ability to stop.

In the US, there's a thing called patient abandonment that can get folks in trouble. Basically, if you start treating a patient, you need to keep treating them until 1) they are dead, 2) they are conscious enough to refuse further treatment and do so, or 3) someone else with an equivalent or higher level of training is treating them (ModN: as a W-EMT this is tricky – it's hard to find people more qualified in the wilderness to hand a patient off to!).

Because WFRs and EMTs cannot declare patients dead, and a dead or unconscious patient cannot refuse treatment, that means you are treating them until someone else is treating them. (As a side note, my first first-aid instructor told the story of performing CPR for 30 minutes in an ambulance on a patient missing part of his brain [this is bad] because the police officer at the scene didn't want to declare him dead on the highway, which would mean shutting down the road for a few hours).

CPR is unique, however, because it's performed on dead patients. The law doesn't want a poor WFR to be stuck in an endless CPR loop because they can't abandon their patient, so in the wilderness only, your character can stop CPR:

After 30 minutes of sustained pulselessness.

If another patient needs more help.

If continuing is dangerous to self or others.

Otherwise, backcountry and frontcountry CPR are pretty similar.

Summary

CPR is generally performed on dead people.

It is difficult to get worse than dead.

Garbage CPR is better than no CPR.

Recovering from being dead takes time and always warrants more care.

WFRs have a superpower and it is called stopping CPR.

Good luck raising your characters from the dead!

[captainsolare]

Sol! May I request some William angst for your event please? Hm maybe Roll 4 times for AU, 1 time for dialogue, and 2 for trope please 🥺💕? Thank yoh in advance!

A/N: Lyra! Yes of course! I hope you enjoy it :) It was interesting to write a Western AU William 😂 The dice really made this an angsty one

Bonus: listen to 'jupiter' by Wrabel

Warning: Drunk man makes a gross comment and grabs your arm

William Angst + Western AU! + First Love Reunion + "Try that again, I dare you."

William’s chest felt heavy as he rode into town, he had known that coming back here might affect him, but he hadn’t thought it would be this much. The buildings looked like they hadn’t aged a day, but he knew that wasn’t true, it had been years since he had set foot here. His life as a bounty hunter didn’t lend well for settling down, and so he had left this place and a piece of his heart with it. However, a job was a job, and he had received reports that a notorious outlaw had been spotted in the area, and William wanted to be the one to catch him.

He half prayed that there was another option, somewhere else he could stay for the night, but the sun had long sunk over the horizon, and the only place open now would be the saloon and conjoined inn your family owned. He hopped off his horse, tying him off on a post. There was a water trough nearby, so that should be suitable for the time being.

You didn’t see him come in, his hat pulled low over his eyes; if you had, you most certainly would have dropped the glass in your hand, sending it tumbling to the wooden floor below. He grabbed a spot at a table in the corner, heart clenching at the familiar face behind the bar. You still looked as beautiful as the day he met you, but you looked happier than the day he left, the day he broke your heart. Something about the way your eyes crinkled as you chatted with a miner at the bar made his heart ache, you were so close to him yet so far at the same time.

One of the saloon girls interrupted his thoughts by asking for his order.

“Just water please.” He said hoarsely, trying to ignore how much he wanted to grab a seat at the bar and talk to you.

“Yes sir! That’ll be right out.”

She returned swiftly, a cool mug of water set upon the table. “Are you stayin’ here long cowboy?”

William looked up at her, a forced smile on his face, “No, just for the evening.”

As he looked up at her, the light happened to reveal his face to her, her expression changed, and she hurried away to tend to other customers. He sighed softly, taking a sip of his water. He was used to this happening, people had almost always reacted to his birthmark this way, some people were convinced he had some sort of plague. The woman’s reaction was another painful reminder of how much he missed you; you were the only person he’d ever met that had touched his face with tenderness.

-

You were at the bar, fulfilling orders and chatting with customers when a particularly unruly man sat at the stool in front of you.

“Hello sir, what can I get you?”

The man smiled wickedly, it was obvious he was already drunk, “Are you on the menu?”

The question made your skin crawl but you forced yourself to smile, “I’m afraid not sir.”

William narrowed his eyes, that was the man he was looking for; now was not the time to act though, there were too many people around to risk getting in a shootout inside the saloon.

The man wouldn’t take no for an answer though, and when you were turned for a split second he lunged to grab your arm.

William was over in a flash, grabbing the man’s arm with a vice-like grip.

The saloon went eerily silent as all eyes were fixed on the scene at the bar, “Try that again, I dare you.” The words were dripping with such venom that William surprised even himself.

The man let your arm go, but fixed William with a defiant grin, “Or what? Is this your lover or something?”

The corners of William’s mouth twitched, “Do you know who I am?”

His smile faltered, but the man’s voice was even as he spoke, “No, why does that matter?”

William smiled wickedly, knowing his prey was about to be caught. “Maybe this will refresh your memory.”

He tilted his hat up from his face and the man instantly paled.

“Y-you, you’re him. You’re the bounty hunter, William Vangeance, bringer of vengeance.” The man’s voice shook and he tried to squirm away from him.

William chuckled, “That’s right Slim, I am. And now I’ll be taking you to the sheriff.”

Slim didn’t put up much of a fight as William led him out the door.

-

You stood frozen in place, memories rushing back to you all at once. A cold December night, a letter slipped under your door, running after him, begging him to stay.

The buzz of the bar soon returned, and you took a deep breath, trying to recenter yourself after the shock of seeing William again. You had long given up on him returning, but lo and behold he had, at least for tonight. Would he leave in the morning? Probably. It seemed as if he had only come for his quarry, but some part of you hoped that it had been more, that he had come to see you as well.

-

Hours passed, and you were closing the saloon. You swept the floors, and wiped off the tables, now all that was left was to wipe down the bar.

There was a knock at the door and you opened it to find William standing there, an uncertain look on his face. You were tempted to yell at him, take out five years worth of frustration and anger and regret on him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. When you searched your heart, there was only sadness left where William was concerned, he had been your first love and he had left you cold and alone, with only the silhouette of him on his horse receding into the distance and your memories.

“I didn’t think you’d come back.” You said, your voice just above a whisper.

William glanced down at his feet, regret filling his chest, “I didn’t either.”

You lingered in the doorway for a long moment, then stepped to the side.

“Want a drink?”

He nodded and walked in, and you locked the door behind him. He took a seat at the bar as you made what he asked for, pouring water for yourself.

“Thank you for earlier.”

William shifted on his stool, “Of course, I couldn’t stand to let you get hurt.”

That’s rich, coming from the person who broke my heart. You wanted to say, but instead you forced a smile, “Well, I appreciate it.”

You and William stared at each other, both unsure of what to say.

“You look well.” William spoke up after a while.

Your lips twitched from the irony, “I’m making do.”

Silence prevailed once more, and you stared at your water glass, trying to will the dam of emotions to stay intact. You took a deep breath, clenching your fists on the counter.

“Why did you leave me?”

The question was soft, but it was filled with pain so sharp William could feel it cut him.

“You know why.”

Your head whipped up, eyes alight with anger.

“No I don’t. You were here one day and we were happy, and the next day you were riding off on that damn horse.”

“I--”

You didn’t let him finish, “I could have come with you William!” Your voice began to break, tears threatened to fall.

“Being a bounty hunter is dangerous work.”

“Don’t you think I know that? Do you have any idea how I worried for you once I found out what you were doing?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you?” You sucked in a breath, chest heaving, “Are you sorry for the way you broke my heart into a million tiny pieces?”

William stood, hand slammed on the counter, his voice strained, “It broke my heart too! I never wanted to hurt you Y/N.”

You blinked at him, “Never wanted to hurt me. So why did you? I would have gone anywhere with you, followed you to the ends of the earth, left all of this behind. I wouldn’t care if it were dangerous or uncomfortable, because I would get to spend my days with you!”

“I know! And that’s the problem,” He took a pained breath, “You don’t deserve a life like that Y/N! You deserve to be safe and comfortable and happy and I can’t give that to you.”

“I don’t want that, I just wanted you.”

William blinked his tears away, “I wanted you too.”

“Then why?” Your voice was soft, all the bravado and tension from before quieted.

“I’m not good for you.”

You laughed darkly, “William, that’s crap and you know it.”

William pulled a few bills from his pocket, setting them on the counter.

“Think I could get a room for the night?”

“Talk to Tracy next door.”

“Thanks. I’m sorry for the trouble.”

“This isn’t over William! Please don’t leave yet, are you leaving in the morning?”

“Goodbye Y/N.”

He walked away, heading for the door.

“Please don’t go.” You whispered, if he heard, he gave no indication he did so.

The door opened and closed, and you collapsed on the counter, for the first time that night, allowing yourself to cry.

William watched from the window, heart torn to shreds as he watched your shoulders shake.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I really am.”