#no one cares that i have burnt myself out trying to show them im worth their time.

[ur-humble-overlord]

dear google what is the most professional way to request time off for intrusive ideations of not wanting to work anymore

[technowoah]

Cant Handle This

Quackity's facade keeps breaking, and he tries to keep the pieces together. You're the only one who can make him show his true self

- Quackity x gen neutral reader

- this is a long one yall.

Now playing...

Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, mentions of mcyttwt, based on the song above, and ofc its not proofread

Part of my Inside Special!

Quackity sat in his chair currently streaming right now, he seemed like he was having a good time from your spot on his bed. You were currently laying on his bed after he invited you here to relax.

You two had laid in his bed just enjoying eachothers company until he got a call from Tommy saying he was ready for the lore stream which sent Alex into a frenzy. Alex sent out a quick "Im sorry" about the lateness of his stream and then quickly set everything up.

He then started to stream which left you alone on the the bed to your own devices. You were scrolling through Twitter looking at Alex's fans talk about what's happening on the stream and posting screenshots of his character and himself.

You admired him from afar as he ended the lore part of his stream, he took time to type on his phone to text you that he decided to stream longer to talk to his fans. He looked to you and you have him a nod with a smile and he gave one back.

"Hey guys! That's the end of the lore!" He exclaimed to his chat as he types at his computer setting a new background.

You continued to listen to him praise his chat for supporting him and making him be able to make those types of streams. You were always proud of Alex no matter what he did, you were always his number one supporter no matter what happened in reality or on the internet.

"So anyways! I wanted to talk to you guys! How are you all?" He smiled at his camera looking back and forth from his chat.

◇T0mm71nn1t: THE STREAM WAS SO GOOD QUACKITY

"Oh thank you! Im glad I could share this with you. It takes so much to put into these movite type streams, so I know now it is all worth it."

Quackity's pov. . .

He felt so overwhelmed, he shouldn't have began to stream again. The stress of putting everything together, plus being late to the stream made him rush into it more. He just wanted to lay back down with his lover who was enjoying watching him stream, and that's the goal he wants. His goal was to entertain, it was his job and he doesn't want to fail, he doesn't want to crack.

◇Mayatooni3: WE LOVE YOU QUACKITY

◇catiiequak: QUACKITY ITS MY BIRTHDAY CAN I GET A HAPPY BIRTHDAY??

◇yriaaolic: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

"Happy Birthday!" He said seeing the comment pass in a second. "Happy Birthday to anyone who's Birthday it is today."

Right now it was hard. It was hard to keep up when there was always a constant demand, the constant need to be perfect, his past being brought up, and trying to one-up his content everytime. He loved this, but at the same time it had the same weight as a job.

In the back of his mind he knew the "When is Quackity streaming???" is mostly lighthearted, he never wants to leave.

"Quack are you okay? Im fine! Just thinking about how to get something to eat at 2am." He laughed lying to his fans, he wanted to stop this stream.

He kept looking over to his lover lying their head on his pillow scrolling through their phone and alternating their vision from him and their phone. He always caught a glimpse of their small smile everytime he looked. He was doing something right.

"Do yall think Taco Bell is open? The only problem I have is that Im fucking starving."

He paused for a moment taking a deep breath trying to keep his emotions down. The stress was getting to him, and he fucking knew it, but he didnt stop. He was going to get burnt out eventually and stop streaming and YouTube all together, but he needed this. He needed a break, he needed to take time for himself and stop putting on a happy face when he isnt.

TTS ◇pulixsaxe: "Did you see what was happening on Twitter quackity?"

"Wait what's happening on Twitter?" He asked with a weary laugh.

I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are

Pringle cans, and burritos

The truth is, my biggest problem's you,

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Twitter. Truth be told he was trending because of his stream, yes, but also they brung up stuff from his past again in the wake of another content creator's past or present being brought up. You hadn't paid attention to that, you were only getting fueled up from Twitter bringing up an issue that he already had addressed.

Tempted to speak and tell him its fine, he already spoke up before you.

"I bet it's fine! I dont wanna... I don't need to look." He said with a smile. He always had that smile on.

Either it was a full smile or a half smile. It never left his face and it comforted you somehow. Maybe it was that you were his significant other, but you always wondered if anyone saw the same things as you. The things like his smile that never left his face.

"Yeah! I dont need to look at that." He waved his hand dismissing the comment away. He then sighed letting his shoulders relax as you saw his smile fade and his eyes close for a second and immediately put that small smile back on his face while his eyes were glossy, but bright.

He needed to end this stream soon. You saw his face fall then in a split second come back to life except his eyes were glossy with tears. You wondered if anyone else noticed.

"I want to please you

But I want to stay true to myself

I want to give you the night out that you deserve"

His eyes tearful as he tried to blink them away trying to not make a scene.

"Sorry! Allergies ugh!" He said as he wiped his tears away claiming them as allergies.

"Are you crying? No! Im not a pussy!" He yelled at his chat in a joking manner.

He was crying and he felt weak. He felt emotionally weak, and weak as in not strong, he didn't feel strong and his lover who was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on their face always told him that it's okay to feel weak. The only meaningful thing is how you pick yourself up, they always told him, bur now he felt at rock bottom.

He wanted to give his fans "himself", the goofy, lovable, loud, quick-witted, Quackity. But then again his lover always told him to separate Quackity from Alex. He wanted to give himself to his audience, he wanted to be authentic and share himself, but he cant. Alex isn't all laughs, he is serious, calmer, and when he gets on the screen is when he lets it all out then goes back to his more calmer self. That's not what they want.

"But I want to say what I think

And not care what you think about it"

Giving himself meant dialing back, he wants to tell how hes actually feeling, he wants to say what he thinks about Twitter, what he thinks about certain friends, about his fanbase, and then leave it alone. He wanted to delete social media and then speak his mind without knowing what anyone is saying about it. It was paradise to him, but of course it cant be that way and that's what he hates. He feels like a actor when he really wants to be himself.

"A part of me loves you,"

Alex loved his fanbase, he had such a supportive fanbase that loved his content. Some of them did atleast he didn't fully know, but they gave him the courage to do this time and time again knowing that his content is at least taking them from the harsh reality of real life for a few minutes or hours. This was the reason he did this, for them.

Alex would never admit this but they boosted his ego too, it would for anyone. The fact that there were people who wanted and enjoyed content from him made him feel good about himself.

"part of me hates you"

He hated the contant criticisms, he hates that they feed his ego so much that it makes him want to stream more to feel good about himself and to make people get away for awhile. Alex knew inside of his heart he couldn't truly hate his fanbase, they gave him everything he ever wanted. He hates them for that and that's such a scary thing. He never fails to wonder if he did the things to deserve all the love and hate he gets.

"Part of me needs you,"

They feed his ego, they make him want to go above and beyond. Alex knows that his fanbase is the reason he is here in this chair infront of three expensive monitors. He knows that this is some sort of a job that he needed. He needed the push to keep going and that was them, it was the 200k people watching his stream watching him answer questions about him and

"part of me fears you"

He was fearful of loosing himself to them. Loosing his authenticity to them was something he feared. He didnt want his funny, loud persona to consume him and make him forget about Alex instead of Quackity. He fears what they think as well, he claims he doesnt care, but he does he wants to please them. It feels like two parts of his brain fighting about if he should care or not.

"And I don't think that I can handle this right now"

The text-to-speech bot continued to speak out people's comments that theu paid for while he sat there quietly. He bit his bottom lip trying to not break down infront of everyone he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong.

If he looked up at the camera everyone would see his tears, they would see him breaking.

He played it off as he brough his shirt up to wipe the tears away, claiming it as sweat.

"Im good! Im sorry I spaced out for a second." He shook his head.

He saw you look at him with that same concerned look on your face. As he switched his gaze between you and his computer, he felt his tears come back again.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"Alex." You tried to get his attention.

"Yeah guys Im fine!"

"Alex"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I have plans later for another lore stream, so Ill start doing that later tonight."

"ALEX!" You yelled and his head turned around to face you.

"What?" He laughed, biting his lip again.

You couldn't stop him doing this, you could try to course him into going to bed, but right now you couldn't find the words. You just stared at him while he looked at you with a somber smile trying to tell you that he was okay.

He felt his mind telling himself that he need to rest. He wouldnt allow himself to and thats why he was breaking down.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

Alex was blinking rapidly trying to keep his breathing and tears at bay while he answered his fans.

"My allergies are fine! And I drank water today."

◇moonchild21: WE LOVE YOU

◇sopusand: Why do you look like that?

◇wuackityoo: are you crying??

"Crying is for the weak! I am a strong manly man! Im crying cause I noticed how alpha I am!" He tried to play it off as a "Im a man" joke but you could see right through it.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

You had sent a quick text to Alex which told him to end the stream for his own mental health, but he left the message unread. He began sniffing and the wiping his eyes again. It was a wreck and you couldn't seem to stop it without literally dragging him out of his chair.

Meanwhile the screens were getting to Alex. Alex's eyes were getting tired of the bright screens and the rapid messages that popped up on the screen overwhelmed him for what it seemed like the first time ever in his strraming career. He wanted to give them the fun night they deserved and wanted, but he knows it's getting hard to. He dosent know how long he can keep this up.

As Alex kept joking around about his eyes and physical state the chat was filled with "LMAO" and "HAHAHA" which fuled him more and then at the same time makes him want to stop.

Look at them, they're just staring at me, like

"Come and watch the skinny kid with a

Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts

To give you what he cannot give himself"

He cannot give himself the luxury of happiness. As he went on with his career it became more and more like a chore, there was mostly down days and of course there were up days, but recently Alex gave his fans the happiness and laughes they wanted while when he turned off the camera he couldn't replicate that same energy as he had before.

It messed him up, he felt himself become separated from his streaming. He wasn't being himself anymore he was being Quackity and that became more apparent as the days passed. He wanted to be himself on camera and at first thats what he thought he was doing. He was himself then it turned into a persona.

Alex wasn't okay and he he needed to take a break from the internet for a while, but he tries to act like he dosent have a dilemma going on inside of his head everytime he sits in this seat. Its for the fans.

"Think that I can handle this right-

I don't think that I can handle this right-

They don't even know the half of this right-

They don't even know the half of it"

"Alex you need to end the stream. Please?"

He looked towards you again where you moved your position from the middle of the bed to sitting up on the end of the bed.

"Ive told you millions of times." He paused for a moment looking down at his lap before looking back up to you. "Im-Im okay." He nodded trying to convince you.

"But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show

I should probably just shut up and do my job, so here I go"

"Cant you belive them!" He laughed to his camera. You scoffed at his comment but still kept an eye on him as he talked.

You didnt need to baby him at all, but right now you were worried about your lover.

Alex continued talking and talking, which you drowned out. You were focused on his face and how he faltered time to time just showing a small frown.

He laughed and showed them a good time even though he was hurting. He kept going and going and you were convinced he was going to hold out until you heard him sniff multiple times while trying to make a joke about the new Minecraft update and how the glow squid has no use.

"Stupid ass squid! Why- why? Its no use expect for glowing ink. Who voted for that!?"

You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme

And if they still don't understand you, then you run it one more time

"Dumbass squid!" He pulled up a picture if the squid as he yelled at it.

You began to worry even more as you saw tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away, but he knew everyone saw.

Handle this right

You don't even know the half of this right now

Right now (Haa!)

Now

Handle this right

I'll handle this right, I handle this right now

Alex leaned back in his seat and had a blank stare towards the monitor. Looked down for a second and then you heard sobbing coming from his spot. Alex had his head in his hands and was crying harshly into them.

He had finally broken, he couldn't stop the tears from coming and the loud sobs that came from his mouth. He was trying to desperately breathe in to be able to sob, but ended up hiccuping while doing so.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to him resting your hand on his knees and you kneeling infront of him.

"I cant do fu-fucking anything!" He yelled into his hands.

"Hey! I know. Its okay." You tried to console him.

"Its not I try so hard! And I-"

You cut him off. "You are a hard worker Alex and you deserve a week or two off. Take care of you self babe." You stood up bringing his hand with you and trying to make him stand up. He followed your movements and stood up with you putting his head on your shoulder crying into it.

"I just ca-cant right now!"

"You dont have to do anything right now babe."

"Im sorry!" Alex sobbed.

"Dont be." You said bluntly trying to get your lover to calm down.

You rubbed his back soothingly as he sniffled into your shoulder. "Im sorry for ruining your shirt." He tried to laugh through his tears.

"Dont be sorry! Please. You just need rest okay?" You kissed his forehead and he nodded in response.

Alex raised his head up an started to pepper kisses all over your face as you laughed. He gave you one last peck on the lips as he walked away to quickly change into night clothes. You smiled as he laid underneath the covers and continued to softly cry into his sheets. At least he was in bed and not makijg himself even worse.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was like a flood that could only be stopped with time. He felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders only to be replaced with smaller rocks. The smaller rocks was the guilt he held. He felt guilty of making his lover worry about him, he didnt want you to worry.

You rushed over to his desk and turned off the stream and his computers not even bothering to give them a goodnight or goodbye. After the computer lights were turned off it was quite dark in the room except for small light.

Finally you were where you wanted to be all day, in bed with Alex. But this wasnt the predicament you wanted.

"Forgive me. I just cant do shit right can I?" His eyes were still full of tears and he was getting tired.

"Alex dont listen to anyone but yourself." You tried to console him.

"That's what I'm telling myself."

Silence filled the room as you looked at him through tearful eyes of your own.

"Alex, you're so amazing and I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much you change my life. You do so much shit right its scary sometimes. Some days I think you're perfect, but there's-"

"There's no such thing as perfect." Alex finished your sentence.

"Exactly! Even the best people have their downfalls, they just dont show it. And Alex I know you struggle with that! All I can say is that I love you for you." You finished.

"Can I talk to you about my dilemmas?" He tried to laugh again.

"Tomorrow we can talk. We both need the rest." You said to him as he closed his eyes and nodded in response. He gave you a kiss on you lips before laying back down to sleep.

"Thank you."

"Thank you

Good night

I hope you're happy"

TRENDING

ARE YOU OKAY

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[yoitscro]

cw depression, anxiety, vent //

i kinda hate how i can go from laughing at youtube videos to having an emotional rollercoaster and crying in the dark.

literally nothing really happened today.. i mean i had one hour of sleep the night before so that could explain my anxiousness, but it’s not like i’ve not had some of these thoughts before.

i went to work, relatively sat there for nine hours, then went home. i remember mostly looking stuff up, watching a few youtube videos, etc. but while i was trying and tried to think back, i couldnt really remember what i did specifically. like, i knew i did and watched certain things, but i can’t remember in full what i did exactly to make 9 hours pass by. i was suppose to work on project stuff, but i didn’t do any of that.

but yeah the reason my mood is shit is because i think i had too many quiet moments with certain thoughts that compare to each other, and all of that kinda came to a boil rn.

i was just sitting in a voice chat. i’m not drawing bc i dont really wanna force myself to have to do something visibly interesting for someone to show up and wanna chat. i just wanna do the chatting part. make friends, just have a nice conversation. i was there for 2+ hours listening to a music bot, because i can only assume that since im not really known (but i have talked to people in there), and im not really known for doing anything outstanding, that no one’s jumped to talk to me like they would others. i feel like im constantly casting a hook into a lake and getting nothing. this has happened multiple times in multiple server. i don’t wanna just @ someone or tell anyone im in call when they can see i am, otherwise i feel like im being pushy or making someone feel like they have to talk to me, when they don’t want to.

i feel like if someone makes the step to talk to me first, that means a lot, versus me having to nudge them.

I do a lot of nudging, and I feel like a bother when I do, so I try to not. Then when I don’t nudge, I never get any nudges of my own. So I keep nudging since it’s the only way I tend to get any interaction. Or else people just forget im there. which makes me feel like regardless of the nudging im not really thought about anyways.

earlier today i was looking up aro stuff. i was trying to figure some things out about myself, and some of it seemed to match up. but i was also trying to figure out if it was something that was tru about myself, or potentially me trying to make reason for why i can’t really form any bonds with others. or rather, something to make me feel anchored for why i feel hesitant about bonds? mostly because i’ve been burned so many times that i dont wanna end up being alone again, or being burnt out due to other issues. and it sometimes feels like unless im someone’s number one, i can’t even been their third wheel.

later i started thinking about how i’ve wanted to move out of my house, and each time something’s gone wrong with trying to find a room mate. at least two of them went sour with people who i assume didn’t think i was worth it. i told a therapist back in mid 2018 that i’d intended to move in with my ex best friend. yeaars ago. idk if im ever getting out of here anytime soon with someone who wants to bother.

and bringing this back to the voice chat thing, idk. being alone when im trying to not be makes my thoughts roll about all the times i’ve been left behind. especially times where my well being or regards were unconsidered and my concerns were potentially dismissed. each time i keep going back to thinking about 2019 and how i was left by myself in NY bc of petty drama and gossip. and how i was dismissed for being concerned for being left alone by people who didn’t care and had the potential to at least care about what could happen if i was left alone. i try to think back to that as just thinking that i was dealing with a particularly nasty crowd, and it’s not a reflection of most people nor my relationship with most people. but then i think/thought back to those other issues of today. i think back to similar issues that’ve happened before. i think about how they keep happening and how they all have the same pattern: that im mostly forgettable and that i don’t really have anyone to rely on, outside of family. and well. family. yeah.

i could be gone tomorrow and it’d take a week or more for anyone to truly grow concern, and that’s only because someone would only notice by that point. because again. im always the one to nudge. im not really thought of until i say something. until i pester to the point of being annoying bc my social cues are out of wack and im slightly clingy, because of the abandonment. hell, i literally remember a time where i had con friends that straight up talked to each about having to leave for the night and getting up to leave the lobby without saying anything to me, WHILE i was there. like they forgot.

i can sit through an entire conversation and just listen to people, and i can learn a lot from or about them, but i doubt they know much about me. because i can go minutes, 30 mins, an hour without someone asking me anything or inviting me to chip in.

cw // suicidal thoughts

i keep anchoring in on that NY trip bc it really was the peakfest form of cruelty that opened my eyes to how much people don’t give a shit about me. everytime i think about it and my thoughts start to spiral, i think about how i constantly thought about jumping on train tracks. i thought about what would happen if i got attacked and no one found out. i thought about if i didn’t want to hurt myself because i wasn’t that deep into a spiral, or because i fear the pain versus the result. idk.

im fine rn. tbh writing all this helps me destress. but...next time i go to my doctor or whatever, i guess ill say something. i’ve always checked ‘No’ for suicidal thoughts because i never took any impulsive imaginations seriously. But im starting to realize that having them more than once means something. I’m starting to realize that crawling into my bed because im crying too much to draw and that i keep thinking about typing up what the least painful ways to go are. that’s...not good, obviously. i need to go talk to my doctor. and go to the doctor period. 

i have money saved for ADHD. im just wondering how the rest works if i think i have something else? do i have to have separate specific appointments if i wanna get tested for multiple different things (Depression, BPD, etc), or can i just have one and the psych people dissects from there which it is? idk.

i know my sister recently got prozac. im glad for her, but im slightly jealous. my parents never really gave that many shits to ask if i ever needed any of what she’s got or been forced to get even. and if i did bring something up id probably be asked tedious questions and given patronizing tones. bleh. i can’t even imagine telling my mom about the NY situation. she’d baby me about hanging out with people online for the rest of my life versus giving actual respect to the situation or encouragement that i’d want. meh. 

ok. i think this ramble is done. i think i just needed to vent a lot of stuff out before i ended up wasting the night away, lol.

i can’t do much rn while im focusing on getting a bit more money from my shitty job, but once i get a nice paycheck in a few months or less, ill try scheduling an appointment. i think i need to get a physical soon anyways.

thanks for reading, if you did. sorry if i freaked anyone out.

[thenervousmedic]

I had a minecraft dream last night...

This is going to be a long post, but bear eith me, and take the time to read it.

I don't dream about minecraft very often. In fact this might be a first. I'm still in bed while writing this, as im afraid if I wait I'll lose a bunch of the memories.

It involved myself and a few members of the Dream SMP getting sucked into MC. Ironic, I know. Dream, George, Badboyhalo, Tecnoblade, Wilbur Soot, Tommyinnit, and myself. We all looked like our avatars... mostly, and even had some special skills i'll get into later.

To be clear, they were as they are in real life in terms of personality.

I've not watched the dream smp yet... maybe I should start soon. Anyway, side tracked...

The world worked differently than normal MC. It was more realistic, especially the combat and movement. Anything you can do irl you can do here. The drawback was that it made everything harder and more exhausting.

I was dragged in a month before the others, where over the next four weeks, I'd figure out how the lives system works; how difficult movement was; that crafting was nearly the same as normal mc; and how to build.

Five lives. There was a little tracker on the back of your hand, five squares for five lives. Each life you lost, a square would disappear. But it wasnt that simple. Every tine you died you'd feel the affects of the world more. Eating took longer, everything cost more and more realistic amounts of effort, and most importantly... taking damage would actually hurt.

On your first life damage was less of a danger and more of a 'stat' to just be aware of. Getting attacked, shot, exploded next to, ect wasn't too bad. But the more you died the more these things started to get scary. Arrows would tear their way in and ve painful to remove. You'd bleed and have actual wounds that needed care.

By the time the smp members were spawning in, I'd already been reduced to my last life. I was never good at minecraft, though im alright irl with a bow it didnt help much.

You spawn in unconcious. I'd lost my first life that way. I spawned above water. A painless drowning. I hadn't gone back to the ocean since, it scared the fuck out of me.

The first to arrive was Techno. I went back to spawn for the good sheep spawns there. Found him asleep in the grass. He was lucky no creepers had spawned.

Nearly everyone was bigger than me, I'm pretty small, so hauling this guys limp piglin ass all the way to my little safety shack was really hard.

Then Dream and George one after another. Badboy. Tommy... and finally Wilbur.

Wilbur was... a special case. He was a ghost. Just like his ghostbur skin had been. Fully awake, really freaking out. I was near collapsing from taking everyone else to my home, wasnt really much of a comfort, but I at least managed to convince him to come with me after the sun started to dip.

When we got back Wilbur helped me make beds. Couldn't have everyone sleeping propped up against the walls... Wilbur couldn't grab anything, but he could open and close chests. He also found out he could manafest things like his guitar, and a plushie orca. Things that made him a little less anxious. It was nice to hear music again.

I didnt get to talk to him long. We finished the beds, put everyone on one, then I immediatly konked the fuck out over the crafting table.

By the time I woke up, everyone was already awake and talking. The typical suspects. Why are we here, how, what happened, is this even real. You get the picture. I guess usually social anxiety, especially in the presence of people I admire so much, would've been a big stressor but after a month alone in this world I damn near started bawling at the thought of someone else even existing.

I told them all I know. We are stuck here, we have lives, dont fucking lose them it makes the game harder. The physics are just as janky as regular minecraft, mobs are much more articulated, armour actually has weight and at this point I wasnt aware of the little buffs everyone had to a particular skill.

Dream was incredibly good at exploiting the game's wonky system and parkouring, even of he couldnt nessesarily do it irl.

Techno was suddenly extremely knowledgeable about combat and could handle most weapons effectively. He was also a piglin-type guy which made him immune to fire.

George's coding skills translated directly into redstone knowledge, letting him build ridiculous machines with enough respources.

Tommy had incredible luck with loot and generally got good enchants.

And Bad was, thanks to his skin, some form of demonic entity and would be completely ignored by most hostile mobs.

Wilbur, as you know, was a ghost who could phase through anything and summon ghostly items.

We didn't find out everyone's special trait immediatly, of course. It happened over many days of trail and error trying to collect resources, build, and have fun.

Turns out my skill was useless by myself, hence why I never found it before they arrived. Anything I gave to another person was twice as effective. Healing items helped more, food would fill them on smaller portions, armour would get a free temporary enchant depending on what they needed.

I'd never liked playing minecraft alone.

I'm losing some of the dream, I shoukd wtite some bullet points down or this post will be miles long.

Tommy accidently befriended a wolf, he named it Wilbur to mess with Wilbur. We had two Wilburs.

Bad was constantly driven up the wall by peoples language but truly was using it as a coping mechanism early on because he was afraid of being stuck here forever. We made sure to swear occasionally so he'd get the oportunity to yell at us.

Techno lost his first life when a creeper blast threw him directly into Dream's sword.

Dream never got over it.

Wilbur started making more songs and even made a few targetted at the groups adventures.

Wilbur descovered if he goes into the floor he cant tell which was is up, this terrified him, he never went underground again.

George made automatic farms and eventually even non-minecraft typical things like a morning alarm clock, a compass that pointed to the nearest village, and invented new armour that was more lightweight but still protective.

Wilbur the wolf regularly barked at and mauled giant spiders before they got anywhere near the house, much to literally everyone's relief.

Bad learned how to read and write enchanting table symbols.

I taught Dream how to repair his clothes and in return he showed me how to build traps.

Techno learned he could talk hoglin, piglin, and villager.

Bad learned he could stare at endermen and mistakingly assumed everyone could so he told everyone else its ok to do so.

Tommy lost his first life to an enderman.

Wilbur worked with george for a whole week on special gloves that would let him touch stuff.

I took an arrow dangerously close to the lungs after Tomny's first respawn trying to bring him home.

Dream realised he couldn't take off his mask and wished he could see the world normally again, nobody knew what his vision was like.

Bad descovered a joy for cooking.

Bad also tamed a cat and named it Muffin.

Muffin the cat would ride Wilbur the wolf around.

Dream lost his first life to hunger after pushing himself for too long.

Techno took a wrong step in the neather and lost his second life to a seriously long fall.

I never knew what I looked like...

Tommy lost his second life being overrun by zombies without a weapon. We made a rule to never leave the house alone after this many deaths.

Bad descovered pretty late that milk is poisonous to him and thus cakes will kill him. He lost a life to cake. He was devastated.

Tommy built a cute campfire. He and Wilbur would mess around singing at it. Wolf Wilbur thoroughly enjoyed this.

I would stay up most of the night watching everyone sleep because I worried the house could get invaded or surrounded. They found out after Phantoms started spawning and made a rule that at least one of then would stay awake at night to make me feel better.

George built Dream an obstacle course with lots of moving parts and such. He ran it every morning.

I learned how to play guitar from Wilbur at the campfire.

Torches never burnt out after they arrived. No idea why.

That's all I can remember...

It was a hard dream, I was sad and angry sometimes... but the happy moments made it worth it.

I hope I return to that dream someday.

[wisteria-lodge]

a burnt / exploded badger primary + badger secondary model

Hi! Ive been looking at this amazing sorting concept for a while now, but every time i try to sort myself i get stuck. I think im either a burnt snake primary that models lion or a burnt lion primary that models snake, but im unsure about which one. 

All right, let’s see what you’ve got.

I was pretty involved in a student club and took up bartending duty, which i really liked because it was a place to have casual social interaction with people without going to the trouble of figuring out how to be friends (which i am Bad at since i can remember, ive like 3 friends and i try to talk to them monthly but more feels exhausting). But a side effect of being a bartender is that drunk people share their entire life story and trauma with you which i quite enjoy once in a while, its quite flattering if people trust you enough to talk to you about personal things and its interesting to learn more about how they work as a person.

So you’re telling me you have a Badger secondary, or at least a Badger secondary model. And three good friends who you check in with monthly doesn’t sound like such a bad set up? If that’s what you want/need, you’re good in my book. But there’s definitely some kind of angst surrounding “making friends” which seems like an outside influence. I’m keeping an eye on that as I read.

 But if it happens a lot when you sleep way less than you should it quickly becomes exhausting. 

Okay. Lack of self-care. Particularly of the “overworked” variety. That is something that Badger primaries usually really struggle with. You might want to take a look at Exploded Badger Primary, honestly.

I once had a breakdown over that i knew too many suffering people and that i couldnt help them all.

This is either the breakdown of a Badger primary, or a really really really Badger-flavored Lion. (and probably we’re still talking Badger).

I sometimes got angry at people who dumped all their trauma and fears on me but didn't once asked me about how I was feeling, or if they did and I answered with "bad" they quickly changed the subject. 

Oh. Problems with boundaries. That’s one of the traits that Badger primaries and secondaries tend to share. 

Not sure if that one is more about me having Bad Friends or me seeing friendship as a transactional thing 

This makes me think that your Badger secondary might be a model

I know seeing friendship as transactional is a Bad Immoral thing and I'm trying not to see it as such.

It’s interesting that you frame this in such right/wrong, Lion-y language. But this idea “viewing friendships as being a means to an end is fundamentally immoral” - that’s much more of a Badger primary thing than a Lion primary thing.

but these friendships were imbalanced which did not feel fair to me.

If Lions value authenticity and Snakes value freedom, Badgers value fairness. (I’m still trying to figure out that *one* thing Birds value.)

Another thing is that i never cared much for family. I was raised with a "friends are temporary, family is forever" mindset, which I did not quite vibe with. I hung out with my sisters all the time, but I'm not sure if that was out of choice or out of necessity, if other people just didnt Get me the same way they did or if I thought so and therefore didnt try to make other friends. 

You’ve got a slightly insular, very Snake primary family culture - but you yourself don’t seem to have a single Snake bone in your entire body.

It's probably me acting out against my parents way after puberty (where I did not act out, since I knew acting out was what the Wrong kind of people did and I was Better than that). 

Here’s that moralistic language again. This instinct “to not act out” really does seem like it’s coming from you and not your parents. And I this idea of “the wrong kind of people” is really Badger. Badger primaries are so interested in community, which makes them especially likely to categorize like that. 

after i moved out that I joined the student association, to show that friends did exist and being in large groups of non family people could be a good thing.

‘After I moved out I joined a large community, to show my Snake primary family that this is a legitimate way to exist.’ Badger.

In family gatherings, me and my sisters were always seen as "the kids" and people never treated us as full conversation partners. (Its getting better, but we've been Full Grown Adults for a while now and are all living by ourselves now, that should have happened way sooner). I never minded that much tho, I was fine by playing with my baby cousins and participating in the performative steps of small talk until visits were over.

I’m thinking that this badger secondary is definitely an unhealthy model. 

Then there are my thoughts about the question "what would you do if you realized everything you thought and believed was wrong". A while ago, there was a huge argument in my friend group from the student association and it fell apart. At the same time, a situation happened in my family which caused me to not exactly break completely with them, since I am trying to fix it out of a sense of obligation, but it almost happened. 

Oh my, a stressed out Badger. This is a situation that would hit a Badger primary really, really, really hard.

This started me believing that a large group of people which are yours, or a goal/cause you chose for yourself, is wrong because people will let you down and abandon you. 

This is so Burnt Badger. 

people will abandon you if your actions are wrong enough, or try to force you to change your decisions if they disagree with them enough

Just a guess, but I think you’ve been dealing with some Lion primaries. This is the kind of thing that a really intense Lion would do.

people will abandon you as soon as you are not longer useful to them, and dont want to play the desired role they expect you to anymore. 

 Oh no. We’ve got some more Exploded Badger right here. ‘My worth is my usefulness’ 

I only started to think about "who am I?" And "what do I want?" At university, where I made a few decisions (which I do not regret a bit) which made me sleep way less than I should which caused me to stop reflecting and thinking about myself, and then the Incident happened. 

There’s an aspect of both the Badger primary and the Badger secondary which functions like a mirror. It’s so powerful, but if you’re not careful you can lose yourself. It sounds like you’re on the right track though, it really does. 

after which I spent all my time and energy trying to Fix it, and now that I realize that I can't I am so far away from who I am as a person that the easiest way to exist is to shape myself in whatever form is desired. 

That’s the Badger secondary (or the badger secondary model) talking. I’m a Badger secondary, and I modeled Badger primary for a long time. I’ve spent so much time trying to Fix It. But you can’t. You can’t fix other people. They have to fix themselves. 

But I'm not sure if the code switching I do is who I am that has revealed itself by me having nothing left, or a coping mechanism I picked up to stop people from getting disappointed by me while figuring out who I really am. 

That settles it. You definitely have a badger secondary model. And there’s something else is under there. 

[leelee10898]

Chikara: Kanashimi (1/?)

Ellie wheeler's senior year turned out to be one she would never forget. Now in college, leaving behind the life she grew to love, she did anything but thrive.

If you'd like to be added to the taglist, lemme know!!

Raiting: Mature. Series will contain, violence, death, sexual situations, and bad decisions.

Ellie quietly wandered the halls of Langston, head down, never noticed by anyone and she never spoke to anyone either.  It was just her and her thoughts, her roommate flaked out the first two weeks of fall semester. Not like she ever really talked to the girl. Her day consists of getting up, going to school, homework, dinner, shower, bed. Rinse, lather, repeat, Every day for 6 months.

She tried to keep her mind busy,  she never fully tuned it out. Behind all the math problems and research papers, he was always there like a cancerous tumor sucking the life out of her. she didn't hate it, it was quite the opposite really, she loved it, she needed it to get by the long days and lonely nights.

The night they finally took the brotherhood down, was one of the proudest moments she felt. They watched as Jason was hauled off in handcuffs, a tiny sliver of justice for Kaneko. She said goodbye to Toby, Ximena, even Mona, she knew they would move on from the crew. When Logan said goodbye it stung, she cared a great deal for him. He was the first guy she had ever kissed, or even had feelings for but, he wasn't Colt. From the moment they met, he drove her crazy, he annoyed her to no end and he was a complete jerk but she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

She had just finished submitting her final paper to her English teacher when she ran to her dorm room, grabbed her bags and headed to the airport. When she left for the summer program at Langston she told her dad she would see him at thanksgiving. She reluctantly left her car behind, a deal her father and her came to for breaks such as Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring break, In the summer she would drive home. It was finally Thanksgiving and she couldn't wait.  she pressed the imaginary gas pedal on the airplane floor, secretly hoping it would get her there faster.

The sound of a screaming child filled the cabin, Ellie popped her earbuds in, attempting to drown out the noise. Just a little bit longer,  almost there she kept telling herself. Once they landed, she grabbed her luggage and looked for her dad. She seen him standing in the pick up area holding one of those makeshift signs that read Wheeler. "Dad, you're such a dork." She flung her arms around him. "Yeah, the coolest dork you'll ever meet." He retorted.

They got in the car and made the drive to the house, sure she couldn't wait to be home.  She was looking forward to seeing Riya and Darius, having Thanksgiving dinner at her grandparents, but she had more pressing matters to attend to. They pulled into the driveway and Ellie ran into the house,  flinging her luggage on the bed. She had to play it carefully, not to tip her dad off as to her plans. She came down stairs and like clockwork her dad asked if she was hungry. "Sure thing dad." She smirked, knowing after he ate he would want to take a nap.

"So. Any plans with Riya? She's home from Hartfeld this week." Dad asked as he put the dishes in the sink.  "Yeah we actually made some plans to catch up. Speaking of, can I use your car to see if shes home?" Her dad reached in his pocket handing her the keys "Just be careful, I'm going to take a nap."

Ellie ran up to her room, she flung open her suitcase and changed out of her leggings and baggy t shirt into a pair of jeans and a crop top.

She ran to the car, turning the key as the engine roared to life. It wasn't her car, but it would do.

She made the drive into the city, stopping at where the sideshow was, but nothing was there. She pulled down another street and parked in front of the familiar building. Not much had been done with the burned out shell of its former self, it looked as if time stood still. It was boarded up in attempts to keep people out, she walked around the building until she found a loose board and slipped in. The inside was hardly touched, some sorting had been done, she knew Colt had come back the day he gave her the cactus. There wasn't much left of the place, some debris strewn about, some shells of cars that once sat in the bay. It was clear nobody had been here, and the realization that nobody was coming back began to set it.

She thought she needed to come here, that maybe she would find something other then the burnt remains of the place that changed her, or someone.  The tears began to sting her eyes, so many memories in such a short time. Ever since they parted ways, she felt like a part of her was missing. There was a gaping hole in her heart that ached, she grasped her chest as ler legs failed her. For 6 months she kept her phone glued to her, in hopes someone would just reach out, for 6 months she prayed that someone would come for her, that she wasn't alone, and she meant something to them.

She sat alone on the floor of Kaneko's garage in a heap of ash and soot, crying her eyes out.  They were gone, you're just a tourist ringing in her head.  She was in fact alone, they weren't  coming back for her and it was time to try and move on.

She made her way back home, covered head to toe in the black substance that stained the floors of the garage, much like the stains on her heart. After a long cry in the hot shower, Ellie pulled open her closet door and started to hang her clothes inside when she spotted something tucked away behind her prom dress. She couldn't imagine what it might be, it was larger than any of her clothes. Gripping the petal pink fabric she pulled the dress forward,  giving easier access to the mystery item. Her fingers began to tremble, her nerves on edge as she ripped the clothing hanging in front of it off the hangers and tossed them to the floor reaching her goal item.

Ellie staggered backwards, item in hand.  the backs of her knees hitting the mattress causing her to sit. She stared blankly at the jacket in front of her, Colts leather jacket. How did it get there? She didn't think it was there when she packed for Langston, but could she have missed it?

She held the soft leather to her face, the scent of his cologne putting her immediately at ease. This was all she had left of him, that and the few photos and texts she had saved in her phone. Ellie slipped the jacket on, it was over sized but she didn't care. She placed her hands in the pockets pulling it flush to her body as if it were his arms wrapped around her.  Her fingers brushed against something and she pulled it from the pocket.

She stared down at the folded piece of paper, she recognized the stationary, it was one from her desk. Unfolding it slowly, tears began to well on her eyes in anticipation. His penmanship was far better then she anticipated but she knew better then to expect to unexpected when it came to Colt Kaneko.

Ellie,

If you are reading this that means you have found my jacket in your closet. I am risking everything coming here and sneaking in.   I just needed you to have it, to have something of me with you in this cold, unforgiving world.

Im not good with words, and feelings so im going to try my best. I love you Ellie Wheeler, I probably have since the moment I laid eyes on you at the side show, only I couldn't admit it to myself then.

I know you think that I don't care but leaving you, was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I meant what I said, we will see each other again.   

I watched you give your speech at graduation,  It took everything I had in me not to run out there and kiss you. I am so proud of you valedictorian. And just a little while ago when you drove away for College, I just had to see you if only at a distance. Keeping you safe will always be my priority,  and with the fbi breathing down my back, letting you go was the only way.

Live your life to the fullest Elle, don't cry for me im not worth your tears. Have fun in college, make friends, fall in love. You are amazing and you deserve to be happy. I hope that when our paths do cross again, you accomplished everything you set out to. I think your dad may be home so I have to run. Remember I will always Love you Ellie, even if I can't be with you.

Love, Colt.

She closed the letter, tears streaming down her face as she laid down on her bed. He was at her graduation, and when she left for Langston. She was hurting but she knew she had to move on, and now with his jacket she had a piece of him with her.

Two weeks went by in the blink of an eye, before she knew it she was back at Langston.  She drug her luggage down the long hall to her dorm room, she reached for her key, opening her door she walked into a different room then when she left. The opposite side of the room, once empty was decorated in pink, pink as far as the eye could see. Ellie flung her bags onto the bed, collapsing next to them when the sound of the door opening startled her. She sat up, eyes wide staring at the person in front of her. "Hey roomie!"

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[hazbinextgeneration]

These Few Moments

How does one decide another's worth? How does one predict another's personality or their impact they leave behind? Well unless you can see into the future and know for sure what you're dealing with then you're in for surprises. Which is what happened to him not too long ago. He could admit(just to himself) that he never expected to be surprised by someone he originally perceived as an easy pawn to his own needs. He never expected to be the one drawn to something so opposite of himself. But here he was, one moment minding himself the next- She didn't even know he was watching as she shifted through the small stack of papers in her hands. Her purple eyes narrowed and scrunched snout in thought. Suddenly her purple eyes lit up and she turned to him. He adverted his eyes just in time to not arose suspicions. "Everything seems organized already." "Is it now?" She nodded before leaning arcoss the desk to show him the neat stack of papers to him. His eyes glazed over the newspaper in his hand, raising a brow at her work. "Excellent! Now, why don't you put those away, Pet? Im sure you'll be busy with other things tomorrow." She rolled her eyes but leaned away. "Ok. I get the hint." He chuckled but sat back. A slight pang of pain shot up his left arm from the movement of his body but gritted his teeth and bit it down in front of company. Just a slight cramp from signing nothing but papers all day. Anyones arm would be sore....Come to think of it. How long had they been at this paper pushing fiasco? A couple hours by the way his wrist was feeling. He reached it out to grabb at the mug on the desk when another throb coursed through his arm. A single hiss escaped his gritted teeth which caught her attention. Her brow rose and she gave him a questioning look. "Are ...you alright?" His grin came back up. "Of course. Being tired is no problem..." His eyes glanced too the cup for a moment. "..Why don't you make yourself useful and get me some more coffee, Flower? Im going to need more energy if Im going to deal with this." "Alright. You're the boss." "And don't forget that.~" She rolled her eyes but received the mug whilst standing up. Grin still present on his face. She gave him another look before laying down the papers with her other hand and turning around. He waited for her back to turn and she was walking away before grimacing and holding up his sore wrist up to his face with a hiss. His muscles were cramped and tight when he moved the red digits. Just great. He rotated the pained appendage causing more pain and his eye to twitch in irritation. Mumbling to himself, he carefully set the wrist back down onto the desk and reached his good arm over to grab the papers. Slapping them down in front of him and staring at the words typed upon them. Eyes furrowed in irritation. He didn't notice the return of the lady who stopped momentarily upon seeing his annoyed expression. She frowned slightly upon noticing it. Did she do something wrong when she organized them? Or was he not happy with something written on it? She gulped down the rock in her stomach and put a smile on her face. "Hey." He flinched a bit and looked up at her. She held up the now warm mug. "You're drink's ready." He grumbled and made a motion for her to come in. She did but tilted her head to look at his face. "Is everything ok?" "Lovely," he grumbled. She placed the mug by his free hand and straightened back up. He didnt make an attempt to grab it at first and instead glanced up at her. "Amalfia.... Would you give me a moment? I....have something to take care of." She gave a puzzled look, but it was probably best not to argue when Lou was in a bad mood. So Amalfia turned and began making her way out. He initially cursed under his breath and subconsciously reached for the mug as he always did when he was irritated- ...The sound of a demonic cry and shattering glass made Amalfia jump and spin back around towards the desk to a very.....panicked scene. The plant demon hissed and clutched onto his wrist, the mug shattered in bits on the floor and liquid spilt all over the desk and by the looks of it him. Well she wasn't one to stand by while her boss was in pain. Hurrying over, her hand grabbed his shoulder. "Oh my god! Are y-?" His head snapped to her. "IM FINE!!" She immediately let go and stood back a couple steps back from the flashing red eyes. Taking a couple of deep breaths, he blinked and slowly slumped back from the tense pose he was in, giving a more calm look. The two stood there for a moment before Lou cleared his throat and excused himself from situation. Still clutching his wrist. ********************** The pain Hadn't reduced surprise, surprise. But instead hurt more if that was even possible ironically. Which irritated him further. The calm darkness of the room brought some ease to his mind at least, couldn't say the same for his hand, which was stiff as a board and slightly burnt from the hot drink spilling all over everything, but that one was on him to be honest. He sighed and stretched his body out slowly. It was going to be a long night with this problem. He almost didn't hear the knock at the door but looked up anyways. "...." Sighing he rubbed his face. "If this is a report for anything, it can wait until morning." There was a small silence, and he thought whoever it was left, when the doorknob turned and the door opened slowly with a creak. The plant demon rose a brow but stared in slight surprise when a white face poked into the entrance, she gave him an uncertain look before asking- "Do you still want me to leave?" "Uh...N-No. No. Don't just stand there." He gestured a hand. "Come in. And close the door behind you." She did but slowly. The door was closed with a click and she stood there silently. He regarded her with a raised brow before looking back down to his wrist. "Is there something wrong?" She didn't say anything for a moment but looked down in guilt. "Im sorry. " ".....Excuse me?" "I said Im sorry. I didn't know you would burn yourself...Im sorry." Silence. "Don't be." ...She blinked and looked up at him. "w-wha-" "You heard me. Don't apologize for something you didn't do." He glanced up at her from his sitting position. "It wasn't your intention to harm me was it?" "What?! N-No!" "Well there you go." "Why are you holding your wrist like that?" He gave her a questioning look and she pointed to his arm. "Are you ok?" she held out a hand towards him. When he didn't pull away she gently took a few steps and softly grabbed his good arm. Her eyes flashed confused worry at him. "Does it hurt?" When she reached her other hand towards his hurt wrist, he gave a sudden inhale of pain and he stopped. "Its...sore. Nothing I can't take care of myself." "I can see that." "I've suffered worse." "I don't doubt that, but you're more stubborn than a hellhorse." He gave an offended look but froze when she came around to the other side of him and sat down, gently taking his hand in hers. He gave her a confused look and she smiled. "I have an idea. My father used to have bad cramps and aches, my mother used to fix them easily. If you'll let me try that is?" When he didn't answer, she delicately pressed down on the sore flesh. Immediate pain spiked up his arm but he bit down any hisses and instead opted for digging his free hand into the mattress. Amalfia didn't seem to notice as she continued to carefully press down onto the tender flesh in strides. After a minute, the tightness in his palm decreased and he was left with a dull pain. She noticed his body loosened up on that tense aura and smiled. "Starting to feel better?" He hummed. "I suppose." His red eyes glanced over her working hands before trailing up to her face. "....You're solution is acceptable." A snort. "Just acceptable? Your way would've left you in another hour of aches and pains and acting like Midnight when one of her potions explodes." The comparion made him chuckle. "My dear. I am more capable of controlling my emotions than her." Purple eyes glanced up at him in amusement. "Oh? So acting like a baby because of a little cold air is capable control?" "Ill have you know that cold wind has severe damage on plant life, I have a right to be upset." She giggled. "Well, you're the boss." "And don't you forget that." "I haven't." She stopped and gave him a look. "To be quite honest, I think you're not given enough credit as far as Im concerned." His ears perked up at her answer. "Oh really?" She nodded. "And what do you mean by that, Pet? Id love to hear from you., She rolled her eyes. "And inflate your ego? I don't think so.....But I will say you're more agreeable and understanding than most men I've met. And actually know what you're doing. Not to mention tolerable. I don't see how you can deal with all the stuff around here with Disease and-..." She stopped upon seeing the smirk on his face. "...What?" "Don't let me stop you. Please, continue.~ But I believe you forgot a few of my better qualities.~" This sent her into a small giggle fit. Making him smike wider. "You know I have those qualities. Helping me deal with the idiots I work with....But not you. In all honestly, your work is quite admirable. " "....You really think so?" He paused for a moment, looking into those dark purple eyes staring back at him. She patiently stared back. Those purple eyes blinked and looked down to the feeling of those red digits closing around her own hand. Pink rushed to her cheeks and her body flinched when something touched her cheek. The red eyes holding neutral emotion towards the situation between them. "Yes." ********************************* Something I did with Amalfia x Lou. Lou belongs to @Palettepainter

[pokefanbri]

"Home is where the heart is" I dont have to tell you where that lies. But its only part of the pain. I know in my heart I'm a good person, but my life has been in shambles since I was young. Theres many like me, that dont deserve the life they were given & yet somehow persevere through it just to survive & try to be happy through the pain.

How I ask do I deserve not to be happy. I feel there was no justice for me, I was dishonorably discharged lol. I was truly happy where I was, but even if i were to travel place to place...that is also in my blood, not just the place I resided.

I was at home, I was at peace, I truly loved everyone there & every second. But do I dare go there again, absolutely in a heartbeat. But this is what kills me, Part of me says "this is your life now, accept it, push through even if u can't" the other part of me says that ill be white knighted with a bust through the door like the kool-aid man & he says "sike, yea i fucked it up & didn't realize I had something special, will u forgive me" 😅

But i know that could just be my imagination & im overthinking again. But where actually is my life headed? I have a good heart, i care so much about those thats affected me even in a bad way...but maybe that's God's love showing right through me, because I forgive easy & help those that need it. My brother says that a "helper" is equivalent to a partner in crime & all aspects, a soul mate. He throws the word around with this subject, but he's also trying to find his forever helper which he believes is the mother of his 1st born children. Thats great, given the right circumstances & if her situation was better, yea they could probably try.

For me, caring & trust is my biggest downfall. Because i do so much for others b4 myself, I end up taken advantage of or at least feeling like it. Even if its not the case, the wrong thats been done to me all my life..made me this way. I cant help that. And to find someone that I trusted fully, only to find out that I couldn't. That breaks a person like me down & actually hurts to the core. I didnt deserve that, but it was the disservice that was thrust upon me without a 2nd thought. I wasn't given the proper chance to love someone because they refused to love me back & yea most of the time it was about them...but thats a leo for ya 😅

When someone shares it mutually, everyone wins, you're complete, u have that "helper" you've been longing for all your life. The good times that were shared, the humorous banter, doing something for the other just cuz u can & cuz u want to, showing eachother off to friends & family like "yea thats my babe right there" as if to say they were happy u were there,the best friend & sidekick that everyone needs...it was all gone in a blink of an eye. Leading on my heartstrings, making me fall harder & harder, the friendship to the end even, all for nothing. But because of all the positives, thats what gets me, it's why my pain is so confusing. Why was it all like that if not on purpose whether for a positive reason I have yet to understand, to make it easier for them not to deal without regard for the others feelings, or cause God making me suffer more through it to make me stronger...when I thought I was done with low struggles already.

Idk man, I just dont understand. But because of what my life has been like over the past half of the year, all the positives makes me want more...because I never got all of him in the 1st place. I always wanted more because he held himself back & on purpose. So maybe it did seem like attachment, but only cuz I longed for the same feeling in return & didnt give up trying to find it..literally any sign of it. I was trying to figure his sweet ass out & learn what kind of person he really was lol, so I could accommodate to him more especially in the last weeks I was sweating my ass off 😆 I was dedicated so much I was willing to change what wasn't liked on the outside. Like I wanted to do so much to keep the best thing i had, cause deep down I knew his old feelings fizzled out quick & I just didnt understand & I still dont. I mean I guess I understand if he wasn't ready for a commitment? And that's fine, but he committed b4 & when I was brought there. What is it that was so wrong about me, that negative thoughts festered so much about someone it makes u think someone else is the problem, when its not the case at all.

Theres nothing i can think of, nothing else i could've done to show my worth, that I wasn't a waste of time. Maybe I pushed too hard? But in those last few weeks I gave space & focused on myself & my tasks at hand with so much more effort to have some kind of a chance, to save what was precious to me..save someone else that couldn't rise up on their own. & i blew it somehow. I was told i settled, but that was the point from the beginning that we both agreed upon. I think it was just that the other was getting comfortable with someone around & it scared em..to where they couldn't do all they wanted in life along with dealing with someone else at the same time. Or possibly felt 1 or the other wasnt good enough for the other & felt inadequate or unequiped. And searching for someone else to fill a void they already had at home, thats another thing that befuddles me. The last time I saw him, it didn't look or sound like he cared, avoided eye contact til he drove off & my heart sank even more as I knew it might be the last time I ever saw him. I was too pissed & in the heat of the moment flipped him off til he was out of sight, but after...i wanted to die right then & there but my best friend was there & we were on a deadline just as he was. If I were alone & my friend wasn't there, I'd be sobbing in that parking lot for hours til someone found me.

They, he, had it all but lost it due to their own negligence, in my opinion.

I mean come on whats not to like about me that didn't go hand in hand with what they were searching for.

The perfect heritage to match his (Templin Germany the 7th largest region) with some jew blood, same interests & hobbys, outlook on life, the lucky number, a good & gentle soul with a love for God. Passion for travel, soft spot for bald eagles, the dream of becoming a parent 1 day, intellectually & gamer gifted, both loves BLT sandwiches...because i da snack too 😏, both have the same middle name but spelled differently & 30yr olds with same hs class year, I have 3 hansome brothers & he has 3 beautiful sisters. I mean Dafuq? Lol. We're total opposites & literally residing NE to SW of the country, 1 grew up well the other not so much...yet we still were able to find eachother....somehow? Bro how about u try the other half of the yr here, 6 month equivalent & finish 2020 the right way huh lol BET 😂 oh man. A girl can dream though can't she?

I have a college writing level & training in business, musical theater, massage therapy (which was the fav), veterinary tech college training in hs, 7 years of choir under my belt since 5th grade including after hs in multiple churches & my choir teachers wedding. I Iove animals, likes to paint, great with technology, listen to music & sing along to every word almost exact, family oriented, a gaming & content creating wizard, passion for helping people, can organize & clean the shit out of anything, can be the boss when i feel the need as well as the spunk & charisma to push forward at any given task. I can multitask & can get shit done if I set my mind to it, if there's something or someone I need to feel purpose to be my best self, yea & if I'm accepted, that's purpose enough right there to get my ass moving.

Yea, jumbling alot of shit in my early life made me crack under the pressure but only cuz i really went over the top & burnt out. But ive relaxed alot since then & am treated for my ailments, ive learned to do things to pace myself now to prevent a psychosis from ever happen again.

Ive said this b4, there was 1 other that also broke up with me...1st time it ever happened the other way around mind u, was also a Leo.. shocker lol. After only 3 months & of me saying the L word too quick...it was what finally broke me, what added ontop of everything else. I was living in my own apt since hs & after school a yr later at 19..he lived in the same apt complex & worked where i did. We hit it off really well & loved talking to eachother at work, almost the same humorous & smart personality with a passion for gaming, dead ass great driver, skinny & ample where it counted, & yea also a weed enthusiast 😅 all of it pretty much the same as the recent one in my life. Honestly thinking about it now they probably would've been great friends lol. Thomas was his name, but I was in a relationship at the time of meeting him as well. But I didn't pursue anything til that relationship blew up in my face just cuz my current bf's grandfather was my boss & saw how well Thomas & i got along as friends, associated it with cheating, & that was that. Tom could be mine after all lol, chips fell into place on their own after he professed his feelings to me on his MySpace blog so damn smoothly lol 😂 Saying there was a girl he liked, i commented on it, he asked me out, that was trap lol, but it worked lol. The chemistry was 🔥

But yea, we had alot fun together & he was completely chill with me. But after it ended it set something off in me. Ended up in a psych ward for 2-3 weeks, little did I know he was worried sick & had no idea where i was or how to visit. I wasnt allowed to have my phone but the persons number I knew by heart, was the previous guy b4 tom, the chubby aloof dumbass that was my 1st love lol. Tom hated him with a passion cuz this dude wasn't a man that treated me fairly, pushed onto me by his family for me to take care of, shelter & feed him mooching off of me & taking advantage of a comfortable place to live at 1 point. When i was in the hospital, my 1st was the 1 to pick me up. When I got back from the hospital I learned of how tom was worried & he gave me a big hug. But by that point I was back with the 1st...somehow that happened & I actually don't remember what brought it on cuz my memory throughtout those weeks was dowsed in medication...but Thomas was the one heartbroken instead of me this time cuz he actually did want me back, the fact I took this other guy back over him, a person he despised...was terrible to him & he severed all ties, moved away. He broke up with me, technically it was okay as so i thought to see someone else regardless if it was an ex or not. i didn't know I had another chance at all.

But anyway, the difference between the 2 leo Ts, 1 let me in completely, cared about me as much as i did for him in same way & the L word too soon is what did it in for him after 3 months 🤷‍♀️ The other T well..unfortunately 1 sided for the most part despite how well we clicked, i was faithful & the other tried not to be after 3 months & hid things due to his own insecurities, pulling me along for another 3months when I didn't have to do jack for him at all after that point, but I did. I might've said the L word too soon with him as well idk. But because I'm a different person than I was then, there's no psychotic break...its just the depressed feeling of defeat with the mix of the longing i still have for him.

Wtf is it with T names & the number 3!? ffs! 😫 Briana Leigh Templin BLT, Bri Loves...whoever Tfuk 🤣

I cant write anymore today, I gotta leave tomorrow. My brother wants me to work for him instead & make more money, in a team that would be like in an office space, basically an assistant but making calls & checking in with clients within his real estate, solar, etc businesses.

But idk, I just got my foot in the door with something else. If I let go of that, for something that could or could not be bad for me, then what do I do? Neither of them sound any less stressful, bryans idea however earns more money & would have me dealing with stuff I like to do in regards to skills maybe? Idk man, idk. It'd a tough call.

My point in writing this, nothing accept to show how much I thought he was perfect for me, just as he originally thought about me. These are all thoughts going through my mind, get them out of my head. To talk openly the way I am, its therapeutic. But I miss him so damn much, not sure when this feeling will go away. I still love him & even dare I say trust him,even through his lying ass faults & idk why, i shouldn't but i do...thats the powerful effect he had on me. Still waiting on the last promise to be friends, im giving space, venting here instead of to him cuz i wouldn't want to be that much of an annoyance. I was going to include more but it'd be dark & negative,& im not about outing the worst in people especially if he was a good guy for the most part...no that wouldn't be right, probably deserves it to be honest..but no. I still wanna do right by him. That's all for now

[roxxdafoxx]

Why I stopped celebrating the holidays...

for me holidays were always a disappointment the decision to not celebrate the holidays can save you money and  your sanity its definitely a “rich mans holiday” my grandmother always made it a point to make sure i felt valued she always got me a gift and a birthday cake My great grandmother an I shared the same birth date and having a birthday with my great grandmother was the best now with the exception of a few cousins and my children now that my entire family is dead and after spending every holiday in the hospital ive had a lot of time spent in isolation to learn and get to know myself and God on a more intimate and deeper level not being with family always being depressed during the holidays made me realize why am i allowing these holidays cause me anxiety get me all upset about being able to afford gifts for everyone especially when u have a big heart and the desire to give to everyone id give to almost everyone in the entire world if i could but feeling that way during holidays never sat right with me it would ruin my mood my self esteem/self worth i would feel i had no value like i was never good enough no matter hat i did or gave would never be good enough i would find myself damn near balled up in a corner crying on a day that was supposed to be happy my birthday being so close to christmas put my birthday in the my mind in the  “you dont matter box” lol im sure most can relate if their birthday is during that time when most people are getting ready for the holidays while everyone else gets both a birthday present and a christmas present for christmas babies your lucky if you even get a gift in general trying to throw a party around that time is equally as difficult people are just too busy the holiday its supposed to be about Jesus and his birth and birthday although its not even the day he was born a lot of people aint even really thinking about Jesus at all some celebrate christmas and dont even believe in God its just tradition for them and a reason to celebrate and get gifts and its origins have nothing to do with God!!! The origin of Christmas is completely opposite of what most think theyre celebrating and most are in denial that they continue to celebrate a lie with a dark origin they say halloween is a devils holiday but Christmas is too!! the reason the birth of Jesus is not listed in the bible is because God never planned or commanded us to celebrate his birth because he doesnt have a birthdate he has always existed the bible even calls it foolishness (Jer 10) this is the reason people cant wait for the holiday cram to be over with because theyre busy trying to please everyone except God being selflessly selfish and putting themselves into debt is that really the correct way to show people that you care?  When u travel a bit when u go through some things when u see people struggle just to have a roof over their head are homeless or living in a shelter or if you think of people in other countries who are just grateful for a pair of old worn out shoes you realize how vain the holidays really are the bible even calls it “vanity” when you look at all the beautiful decorations all the money spent on trees and lights etc u start to see it for what it really is its all “vanity” please believe im not being judgemental i celebrated this holiday before i somewhat celebrated it even tho i was in the hospital i mean you really cant avoid the celebration because the majority is celebrating and it will trickle its way on down to you in one way or another for instance i no longer celebrate and this is my first year deciding not to the nurses bought me gifts along with a santa claus hat that ive been wearing because i love hats its warm im into costumes and fashion but even fashion can be considered vanity we have put ourselves in a place and position that we forgot where we came from and what our ancestors went through.. I loved planning birthdays and surprises for friends, but when it came to me, the favor was never returned. That's when I realized that planning my own birthday or holidays or others birthdays that it was too much pressure trying to please others. it still makes you feel inadequate and terrible. nobody cares  Let's be real Everyone is already in debt. Your birthday just became another errand on their daily to-do list. If you invite a lot of people they dont show up or might not bring anything some folks just really are there for the food and a party could care less about you but its just something to do it could mean you have false friendships/relationships in general and you're just there hoping for gifts even fake friends buy gifts too u just never know .... the dark origins is really what made me give up on holidays valentines day is supposed to be about love but i never felt more unloved than on that day halloween aka “the devils day” you get more gifts of candy from strangers than any other holiday ironically and its like the  day where being scared is supposed to be fun the bible clearly states fear is not of God a lot of people like that stuff and like the feeling of being afraid until its a real situation then its not so fun.. i can barely watch horror films i honestly dont know how people come up with these crazy scary movies how do they film them write them and play these characters i mean acting is most def a talent...If you’ve never researched where our Christmas traditions come from, if interested in the truth look into it. I started to share them here, but it would take me FOR.EV.ER. to go through all of the names, dates, traditions, etc. But look into where Dec. 25th came from.  the Yule log, the Christmas tree and its ornaments and lights, holly, mistletoe, wreaths, the Christmas ham… look up Winter Solstice and Saturnalia. If you are really interested in knowing where your traditions come from and what they mean… do some studying.Suffice it to say, what we are doing when we partake of the traditions of Christmas is nothing more than imitating the pagan’s worship of the sun god. And i no longer can stand to have any part of spitting in the face of God. (Sorry, I know that sounds harsh, but this is how it makes me feel.)For a long time I tried to rationalize that it was okay to continue enjoying the festivities. After all, we weren’t doing it to worship a sun god, we were honoring the birth of Christ! Right? Well, after much prayer and studying God’s word, one day the Lord revealed this analogy to me.Let’s just say that your spouse has cheated on you. After all, the Lord does call his people an “adulterous bride” after they went chasing pagan gods.Let’s say that your cheating spouse has come back to you, and asked your forgiveness. All has been made right again.Now, let’s say it’s your birthday. And your spouse wants to honor you on this day. (Although, in an appropriate analogy the celebration wouldn’t even be on your actual birthday!its on the other womans/guys birthday)But instead of giving you gifts that you have clearly expressed a desire for, your spouse gives you things that his lover enjoyed! He made his/her favorite foods, wanted to enjoy his/her favorite activities with you, lavished you with things that would have delighted him/her! Now, would this honor you? Would you feel loved and esteemed in this situation? Of course not!!! You’d be Livid!!! Is this not what we do to Christ, when we say that we are honoring Him by means of pagan traditions!? Being me,.. I wanted to find something in Scripture to solidify my convictions. Would God see the intentions of my heart, and understand that I’m just trying to please Him? Or would He be angry as I know I would be in that situation?...YHWH brought me to Exodus 32, the story of the Golden Calf. Remember that one? Moses had gone up onto the mountain to speak with God (and bring down the 10 commandments), but he took so long in coming that the people began to wonder what had happened to him. They asked Aaron to make a golden calf for them to worship, and he did so. But I thought this was fascinating, in verse 5 of that same chapter Scripture says, “And when Aaron saw it (the golden calf), he built an altar before it; and Aaron made proclamation, and said, Tomorrow is a feast to the LORD.”Do you see what he was doing? The people had fallen back into pagan practices, and were worshiping an idol, yet saying it was to honor God!!  The next verse goes on to say,“And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought peace offerings; and the people sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play.”Wow. Sounds like they were having a very fun celebration, huh?! Did the Lord look at the rejoicing of their hearts and feel honored? Let’s find out…In verses 7-9, YHWH speaks to Moses and tells him what the people are doing. He says that they have “corrupted themselves”, and “turned aside quickly out of the way which I commanded them”.Then in verse 10, YHWH says, “Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may wax hot against them, and that I may consume them…”.He was SO ANGRY! He was ready to destroy them all! Evidently, He was not pleased at the way they were trying to honor Him… mixing worship with pagan traditions. Mixing the holy with the unholy. water oil Vinegar type mix Just. Like. Christmas.....As I continued to study, I also came to 1 Samuel 15…This is where King Saul went out to destroy the Amalekites. But the Lord specifically told him (through Samuel) that he was to “utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.” (verse 3)But if you read on, you’ll find in verse 21 that they did not do as the Lord had commanded, and had in fact brought back with them the best of the sheep and oxen instead of killing them. Of course, when Samuel confronts him about it, Saul rationalizes that they did it “to sacrifice unto the LORD”.Here again, man is disobeying the Lord’s commands, yet saying he is doing so to try to please God. What does the Lord say? Verse 22-23, “And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to “OBEY” is better than sacrifice”!!!, .For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king.”God didn’t want the sacrifices. He wanted obedience!!!.Here’s another in Deuteronomy 12:29-31; He is speaking to the Israelites before they go into the promised land,“When Yahweh your Elohim cuts off from before you the nations which you go to dispossess, and you displace them and dwell in their land, take heed to yourself that you are not ensnared to follow them, after they are destroyed from before you, and that you do not inquire after their gods, saying, `How did these nations serve their gods? I also will do likewise.’You shall not worship Yahweh your Elohim in that way; for every abomination to Yahweh which He hates they have done to their gods…”We are specifically told NOT to worship God with the ways of the pagans!! Jesus himself said in Matthew 15:7-9, “Ye hypocrites, well did Isaiah prophesy of you, saying, This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.”I don’t want to worship in vain, forsaking the commandments of God and clinging to the traditions of men. (also in Matt. 15:3)I don’t want to have anything to do with the unholy.Ephesians 5:11, “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.”In fact, the recurring theme all throughout Scripture is for God’s people to NOT follow the way of the pagans (in other words, go along with what the rest of the unbelieving world does), but to be set apart as holy, and to honor YHWH by obeying His commandments!If we profess to worship the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, then we cannot ignore the very character of God as repeated to us throughout Scripture. He is a loving God, yes, but He is also a jealous God. He will not share His people with idols.“For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.” Exodus 34:14 But let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that Christmas traditions don’t really have pagan roots. Let’s just pretend that’s a bunch of baloney.Even still, nowhere in Scripture is it commanded to remember the birth of Christ. In fact, what we are commanded to celebrate are the Biblical Feasts of the Lord (given in Lev. 23), including Passover in remembrance of Christ’s death. Yet, far too many Christians have never even heard of the seven Feasts of the Lord, or they think they are “Jewish” celebrations. Scripture doesn’t call these holy days (not holidays) “Jewish feasts”, but the LORD’s Feasts. And everyone who calls himself a child of Elohim is to keep them. Forever.And so, we have chosen to give the Lord the gifts He has specifically requested, and honor Him through celebrating and remembering the Feasts of the lord.Loved ones, I know that Christmas is a special time of year, and that people get very caught up in its traditions and festivities. But our hearts yearn to honor the Lord… above all else. And this is something that i feel is non-negotiable.So, im  saying “No”: to the holiday rush, and fighting over the latest toys for my kids, and inflatable yard decorations, and the lies of a bearded man who claims to have the powers of God (all seeing, all knowing, all present), and the Great Big Toys “R” Us Book, and “Yuletide” carols, and guilt induced credit card spending, and drunken company Christmas parties, and everything else that the world gets so wrapped up in during this time of year.For me, it really only comes down to one thing:“If you love me, keep my commandments.” John 14:15 And I think I’ve laid out pretty clearly what i believe the Lord expects from us.  one holiday i like which is the 4th of july because it summer and there’s fireworks in the sky and bbq but what is the true origin of 4th of july? i wish we didn’t have to have wars i wish people could just live and let live without hurting anyone why steal why not just learn from each other share a world without greed would be beautiful but also when u have nothing really left and after you have gotten rid of all the fake people in your life u find no real reason to celebrate if you have no one to celebrate with with my family all passing away the money has been short after being  locked up in an institution it puts a damper on things i feel like these holidays are made up just to make the rich get rich yes we all want to have fun and have a good time but id rather celebrate with the right people for the right reason without any ulterior motives that battle against principalities ans spiritual wickedness against rulers of darkness evil spirits in high places the fowl of the air id much rather sell things to people who do celebrate these holidays because at least it can help with bills instead of be a hindrance and burden in my life i’m not judging anyone who celebrates holidays i use to celebrate them too i’m just sharing why i have chosen not to  honestly i celebrate everyday i buy gifts throughout the year why celebrate when the government wants us to? so they can capitalize on the citizens have us participate in their hellenistic rituals that we aren’t even  made aware of until we do the homework and learn about them for ourselves these traditions were forced on us we weren’t given a choice and to think we were told that by celebrating these days we are honoring God and all along we arent we are honoring other gods celebrating holidays that have origins of other gods and not the true God the bible doesn’t encourage us to entertain these practices why even celebrate anything that has the potential to be a set  up for disappointment by not celebrating it eliminates any expectation of having a day that you really only see in the movies on the hallmark channel i’ve also noticed people dread and just cant wait for it to be over like a funeral and its supposed to be a joyful prosperous time its even programmed to be called the most wonderful time of the year i tell ya satan is a sly trickster i chose life and freedom from the imprisonment that i feel when it comes to the holidays so while everyone else is celebrating i decided to be happy and enjoy myself in my own company with God the real comforter snuggled up to him in worship and gratefulness as an introvert id rather spend the days away from all of that i enjoy being an introvert i enjoy being in my own company creating with the creator holding me down and uplifting me and perhaps the holidays have turned me into  a “scroogey your highness grinch” because i view things differently now but with that comes the freedom of me not having to do what everyone else is doing setting myself apart from the masses (mass level of destruction lol insider) i’m living my life by my rules by my preferences and spending time with God my best friend God never asked for anything but for us to live right and be holy because he is holy this is something to be celebrated always everyday everyday is our unbirthday one day out of the year is a day we were born on and we shouldn’t feel pressured or disappointed because someone didn’t get us a gift or acknowledge the fact that we are here another year and alive if anything we should spend our birthday alone with God because for sure its facts that you’ll feel value and loved in the arms of God i feel we should do something special for ourselves no one will ever love us like God can no one will ever love us like the self love we give ourselves truth be told people will always fail u people will not always be there for you people die there are no guarantees in life except the existence of God and his everlasting word anything else is temporary everything we see will one day no longer be  so i make it a point not to depend on external happiness internal happiness is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves  always do you stay true to yourself get rid of old habits that dont benefit your soul and be happy do what makes you happy there’s always room to learn more and to improve in certain areas in your life in all areas a friend once told me and it will forever stick with me and that is we aren’t perfect we are not all knowing we are forever learning and correcting things we are all a work in progress give to others keep yourself in alignment with the word of God by giving to others its like youre giving to God and it will be given back to you within the same measure you gave with so just be a happy cheerful giver give from you’re entire heart good things will happen just dont give and expect something back giving to receive doesn’t work like that...another thing  don’t wait for their birthday or a man made holiday to do things for people some might not even live to see another birthday this kinda follows the saying don’t wait till i’m dead to buy me flowers or wait till im gone to finally miss me invite someone to dinner just because why wait until thanksgiving to feast and be thankful around your loved ones thanksgiving a day where we are actually celebrating stealing the land from the people who were already here thats like allowing someone to move in with you you teach them how to grow food and make a living for themselves and then they rob you and kick you out of your own home and force you to pay them to live in the street and first and foremost last but most assuredley not least never allow the holidays to validate you your value doesnt depend on gifts u get or didnt get or the people around you i like small numbers i think God prefers small numbers too because quality is and always will be better than quantity id rather have 1 real friend than a thousand fake friends even if my only friend is myself i remember in elementary school they would give out secret candies on valentines day some student s would recieve like 30 gifts because either they were that much admired and popular or they bought themselves gifts and made it look like someone else did it for them to make themselves appear to be better but i wonder if fake love makes them feel better its kinda like today how they buy followers do me a favor be happy keep the fake stuff to the side seek to be happy internally so nothing or no one can take that from u people and material things are all external things theyre all temporary the things money cant buy the things we cant see are the more permanent things our bodies are also temporary but these souls of ours are gonna be with us a lot longer so make sure you take good care of it and of you real love is internal and eternal and its the best gift we can give to ourselves signed #EternallyYours #EternalLove

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 3]

I have to warn you all that this chapter has a rape scene in it. It’s completely ridiculous, and I really don’t know if that makes it better or worse. Proceed with caution.

Recap: Edward gave into tempation and tried putting the moves on Tiaa. She went along with it at first, but then pushed him away because they were in public and Edward already has a girlfriend. Edward seems to think Tiaa is a vampire, even though she doesn’t appear to be and his thinking she is doesn’t really make sense. 

Chapter 1 Previous chapter

AN - hi guys hope u like this one im quite proud of it! 

That’s a bit worrying.

thanx for the suport from my frends love u girls!glad u like it! oh an VINCENT ur so dumb of course tiaa didnt go to math in only her bra shes not a total ditz! 

Hey, you never said she put her shirt back on! Actually, you also described Edward ripping it off her, and we know it’s made out of fishnet, so… I kinda doubt she still has a shirt left to put back on.

one more time...DONT READ IF U DNT LIKE IT!

I can’t imagine not liking this story. I’m being serious. It’s a masterwork. It’s right up there with “My Immortal” in my eyes.

NO frickin flames what is the POINT of flamin ppl there is NO POINT so f off!

I think the point is to annoy the author. Which appears to be working.

Capter 3 – uncle larry

Wow! Really looking forward to the capter!

I sa t alone watching tv at dave and maries house. I couldnt stop thinking about my encounter with Ewdard Cullen earlier that day. He was so beuatifull and sexoy with such amazing hair and eyes I could hardly believe he had notice someone like me! 

Just me or is she a tad fixated on his hair?

Also… Tiaa isn’t the sort of girl who blends in, and she knows it. She’s aware that she’s pretty and she’s used to getting attention — both positive and negative — because of her looks. She’s also loud (she yelled at Edward when he bumped into her), and she dresses in a manner that… well, let’s just say most small-town high school students don’t dress like Tiaa. This girl isn’t ordinary and she’s well aware of it. Why the false modesty?

But I was angry at how he had made me feel, how I'd burnt like crimson hot flame wean he touched me and how he'd not listened to me when id' told him to fring off, and how he dared to touch me at all when he had a GF anyways, even if she was a mean girl with an ugly heart and not that hawt. 

Not only has she not met Bella yet, she hasn’t heard anyone talk about Bella either, so I don’t know how she came to the “she’s a mean girl with an ugly heart” conclusion.

But nomatter how much I try to hate him, I simply couldn't. Suddenly the phone range

"hello "

"hey, is that altantiana?"

"yah who is this?" I aksed.

"its Mike nooton from your class! 

She hasn’t met Mike yet either, unless that happened in the deleted scenes or something. I guess, if he called her house phone, that he could have got Dave and Marie’s number out of the school directory… but this seems a little weird if they’ve literally never met.

I was wondering if your wanted to go to La Plush with me too morrow night maybe? 

To clarify, he is talking about a beach. He means La Push. Stuffed animals are probably not involved.

Theres a party on the beech with whole crowd of us going and I thought you seemed relay nice so I thought maybe youd want to me my date please? -

I can maybe buy that a high school boy is desperate enough to ask a random pretty girl to a party with him in the hopes that maybe it’ll kindle some sort of romance, but this is a really bad way to go about it. Asking out a girl you’ve never met is… not the best plan. Why not just frame it as inviting her along because she’s a new student and it would be a good opportunity for her to hang out and make friends? You don’t have to be explicit about your crush before you’ve even had a conversation with her.

Also I think Mike is already dating Bella’s friend Jessica, but fuck her, I guess.

"arent you the guy who hangs out with all the pathetic chearleaders and stuff?" I asked

"you mean bella and jessica's gang? 

I’m gonna wait a bit to talk about how weird it is that Bella is hanging with a “gang” of cheerleaders, but like… why does Tiaa know Mike hangs out with them? Again, this is their first conversation, and (as far as we know) the first time she’s even heard of him.

Sometimes I guess but theyr'e way shallow and not as hot as you. 

He’s maybe undermining his own point there.

And they can be mean sometimes.-"

So… like anyone, then?

"then why do hang out white them then you shallow CREEP!and why are you askin me out when you harely no me mike! Cos u think im' hot? Why cant you see your just as shallow if you want to date someone just cost of what they look like - I'm not THAT pretty anyways! 

Oh, Tiaa, you and I were on the same page until you pulled the fake modesty card. Besides, isn’t this a bit of an overreaction? He asked you to hang out with him at the beach, it’s not like he’s proposing marriage or anything.

And even if i was, I'm SO screwed up in the bran you cant even imagine! u would no want to date me if you new how screwed up I was!"

What exactly does she mean by “screwed up in the brain bran”? Like, are we talking legitimate mental illness, or is this just teenage angsting? And, in either case, what exactly is her problem that makes her undateable? This is about the vaguest possible rejection, and I don’t know if she’s implying something is actually wrong with her or that she’s just Not Like Other Girls.

"I would, tia, beleive me I would! Your so beautiful you cant even imagine. Your so pretty people lose there minds when your around and forget there names and forget to brethe! 

That’s your only reason? She’s pretty? Weren’t you saying something about cheerleaders being shallow a minute or two ago?

How can't you have noticed that? 

Decent point, actually. If your character is dropping jaws and turning heads with her beauty, either she’s aware she’s beautiful or there’s a reason she doesn’t realize. Like… maybe Tiaa thinks the people staring at her are doing so because of how she dresses, not because they think she’s pretty. Tiaa has actually seemed pretty aware of her effect on others throughout, though, so unless she’s just playing modest around Mike for some reason this scene doesn’t make any sense.

And I don't CARE how screwed up you are! It only maked you more interesting! 

He’s not even gonna ask for clarification on that?

Your cool and different and you are honest about stuff! you are right to be angry with me. I'm sorry for benign shallow and dumb just give me a chance to show you how much I care, please? "

The argument he’s making would probably be way more convincing if this wasn’t, you know, their first conversation ever.

"well...ok maybe ill go along if I dont have anything else to do" i said, not believing a word he said about how pretty i was.

Oh, come on.

"thank you altantiana thank you so much!" he sounded so happy I couldnt help but smile as I put the phone down but my smile faded as I return to my thoughts. Mike Nooton was kinda cute and seemed like an ok guy but he was nothing next to Ewdard Cullen. 

Yeah, I guess when compared to the weird dude who tried to fuck you in a locker room and threw a shirt at your head Mike really isn’t worth a second thought.

Even though I was anger with edward than I have ever been with anyone in my life and part of me wanted to chop his head off with a sore, a part of my soul would all ways remain in that coridoor where we had kissed so hard and passionably. 

My mistake, they were in a hallway, not a locker room. Not sure if that’s better or worse, but, depending on how busy that hallway normally is, it’s probably worse.

I creamed myself. 

Didn’t need to know that.

My heart had soared that day like never before, and i new that no one else would ever make me feel like that again, then I thought how he was a cheater and a bastard and my face burnt with shame. I couldn't beleive I had behaved like such a hore. 

I mean… she didn’t, really. She went along with his advances up to a point, and it doesn’t really show good judgement on her part, but he was the one acting like a “hore” in this situation. Putting the moves on a random girl in a public space when you’ve already got a girlfriend? Keep it classy, dude.

I was scared of the affect he had on me.

Effect. “Affect” is a verb. Nice sentence otherwise.

(Okay, if you’re a grammar pedant, “affect” isn’t always a verb… it can also be a noun, when we’re talking in a psychology context, which Tiaa isn’t.)

"bye tiaa! We'll be back on Thursday ok?" mari put her head rind the door suddenly

"Ok then, have fun" I wispered clammily..dave and marie where visiting relatives for a few day.

Convenient. Two less characters for the author to have to deal with.

Wait, no, oh my god, I just remembered what happens in this chapter.

"you look so pretty" she says, smiling -your the prettiest gril i've ever seen!”

I… okay, that’s some natural dialogue.

"omg whatever" I reply. I hated it wen people say that. 

Come on, girl, it’s just a compliment! Not like she’s hitting on you! At least I hope not.

I pulled my blond hair over my face. I was wearin a short hot pink dress cut low with black lace frills at the bottom and black lace stocking.

I kind of like that Tiaa is a goth girl who likes bright pink. There are plenty of real-life goth girls like that, but you pretty much never see them in fanfiction.

"daves brother larry will be looking after you wile where gone you'll be ok when where gone wont you tiaa? I hate to leaven you alone like this!"

You know “leaven” is what you do to bread to make it rise, right?

"i don't need a freakin babysiter u no!" i was so embarasing, I could look after myself!

Freudian slip? I mean, she is pretty embarrassing.

Marie smiles and leaves the house.

Marie doesn’t give a fuck, it seems.

"greeting a;latnaniana my names uncle larry" said uncle larry, he came in threw the door he was fat and bald with tiny black eyes and a red face

You know he’s a bad guy because he’s ugly. That’s how it works!

"Hey - i said

"your the orphan arent you" he says "is it true you kiled your mother when she gave birth to you?”

Nice to meet you too, Uncle Larry.

"Wat!" I cry, my eyes filling with tears

"your an evil bich arent u? Go outsite and wash my car" he shouts angerly

I’ve just thought of a fun game. There are five more chapters left. Let’s all place bets on which chapter Uncle Larry will get horribly murdered in.

I stood up and left to wash his car. I got soap and a bucket, afraid of what he would do if I refuzed. I went outside and started to wash hush car it was a red porche. He came outside and wached me and I new he was waching me! 

I know the implication is he’s watching her in a pervy way, but if I was making someone wash my car and I didn’t particularly like them I’d keep an eye on them too.

After a minite he came over and hit me hard across the face

"wft!" i shouted

What Fuck The?

He poored the bucket of water all over me and hit me again,. I was wet and crying and he started to rip my dress and bra of me and rip my clothes. He touched my naked breats and I try to push him off me I screamed at him to stop but he did'nt. He bent me over the bonet of his car and spanked me on the ass for half an hour then he pulled my panties down and started to rape me!

I really don’t want to be laughing at a rape scene, because rape is one of those things that’s just inherently unfunny, but… this is testing me. I mean, an entire half hour of spanking? The dramatic announcement that he began raping her after he forcibly stripped her naked and spanked her for thirty minutes, as if this is a surprise? The fact that all of this is happening in plain view of any neighbors Dave and Marie might have? Good lord. I truly do not know how to react.

I also have to wonder why Tiaa makes little attempt to fight back here. It’s pretty reasonable to freeze up when you’re violently attacked, but Tiaa has proven that she’s both capable and willing to fight off anyone she perceives as a threat (kung fu babie!) previously in the story. Is Uncle Larry too physically powerful for her to win against? We don’t really know how big he is compared to her, and Tiaa has been described as strong and fast previously. Both of them are unarmed, and, if there are neighbors, the noise should alert someone to what’s going on (Tiaa has been shouting/screaming throughout). Why is he getting away with all this? Oh, right, plot reasons.

"stop raping me!" I cry but he didnt stop! 

Shocker.

The pain was terrible even tough his manhood was small. 

Didn’t need to know about his dick, thanks!

I cryed and cryed but he didnt stop for hours and when he finally stopped he left me on the floor and spat in my face and left me there. 

Wait… hours? This guy has impressive stamina.

I pulled on my clothes and cryed madly and ran off into the seething darkness of the midnight street. I ran and ran un till I came to some woods and then I fell down in the woods and cryed.

“Seething darkness of the midnight street” is a pretty good phrase, actually. I mean, super cheesy and doesn’t really mean anything, but if this was lyrics some alt-rock band wrote I’d accept it.

Suddenly a blast of white light exploded in head and my mark on my hand burned like a flame. I closed my eyes and saw the face of a tall white man looking over me with no expression, his eyes were burning red and his face glimmered cold and bright as the moon,. 

It was… VLODEMONT AND DA DETH DEALERS!

I fell back from the brightness of his body, his hair was dark as night,.

It was… VOLSEMORT IN A WIG AND DA DEATH DEELRS!

"atlantiana?" he whisperd in a voice softer than clouds -my daughter?-

Well, we all saw that one coming a mile off.

"omg" I whisperd as my mind went blank and the world went dark.

I hope she whispered the acronym instead of saying “oh my god.” Her dad will be totally confused! Old people don’t know how acronyms work!

Next chapter

[fallen-severin]

Supernatural Tale

It’s a beautiful day out. The sun is shining and the wind is blowing.  I’m with my best friend and ex-girlfriend Rosa Lane and he boyfriend Daren. Of course it is some what akward because I still love her but she was my best friend first.  There is something I forgot to mention Rosa is a vampier, no she doesn’t sparkle, and Daren is a  ghoul, a human who likes vampier blood.  I myself am not a supernatural being. I am a hunter. I hunt and kill creaturs who have turned bad. My name is Cade Wyile . We were sitting out in the grass watching the sun set. Daren and Rosa were laying down holding hands. I sat up drinking the last of my water and stood up. “ It’s been fun guys see ya tommrow.” I said. “wait.” Rosa called and she jumped up and gave me a hug. She smelled like strawberries. “ Love ya see you later.”  I started walking and I saw the bushes rumble. I can hear Daren asking for blood.  Part of me feels that he’s just using her. I reach my car as I hear Rosa scream. In an instent I take off running as I reach Rosa I pull out my pistol. “ Are you okay?” I asked looking around for Daren. “ Wheres Daren?” Rosa was shaking and I looked around. I saw a large pentagram the seamed burnt into the ground. I could smell a hint of sulfer. Fucking demons.  “ Rosa look at me.” I told her.  She was shaking so badly. “Rosa relax I need you to tell me what happed.” She still didn’t responed. I pulled out my poket knife and cut open my finger enough to draw a little blood. I ran it over her lips and her shaking stopped. “ They took Daren.  Red eyes. Bloody hands. They said he was special. Something about the moon.” Rosa said. I picked her up and carried her to my car, a black 1970 Camero. I layed her down in the back seat amd drove to the one place I knew where to find answeres.  I drove to Arthimus’ house. Art was a former hunter. He got hunt on a hunt once. it wasnt bad.Phisicaly hes fine but mentally hes heads not in it anymore. sonow he's just a resercher. I pulled into he’s drive way and saw the front door kicked in. I pulled out my gun and cocked it. I hear a smash and a yell. I run it to see  a demon strangeling Arthimus. I fired to shots  into the demons back. He turned and I saw is red eyes and long black nails. He growled and only one thing cam into my mind. “ Oh shit.” It lunged at me and had it hands around my neck. My gun was to far but I still had my knife. I moved my hand down to my pocket and pull it out. I open the blade and stab the demon in the head.  He let go and fell over in pain. I ran over and grab my gun and shot him in the head and in the heart.  I ran into Arthimus’s house and he was breathing heavliy I leaned down and helped him up. “ Fuck man what the fuck? Demons fucking brake in next thing is you show the fuck up and blow his fucking head off? .  Fuck man.” He walked over and sat on a chair. “Art look I need some information and it involves the demon that just attacked you.” I pointed to where the body was and it was gone. I could see the trail of blood going off in the distance.  “ That’s just great.” I expressed. “ Art what do you know about any sacrafices involing the moon and a ghoul.” “ Hmmm. Well  I know that the harvest moon will be eclipsed in two weeks and if a hundred ghouls are sacficed  a vampire can becoume immune to water and crosses and any supernatural or mithical thing that couldn’t kill them.” Art answered. “ Art I’ll be right back.” I walked over to Rosa and she was sleeping.  I know when you ask her something in her sleep she answers truthfully.  I leaned down and whispered “ Rosa do you love Daren?” She replied with “ Yes i do.” In a very sleepy voice. “ Do you want Cade to bring him back?” I asked She started to tear up in her sleep “ Please bring him back. I love him.” I kisses her forehead and said” I’ll bring him back for you I promise even if it kills me.” I stood up and walk back to Art.  “ Hey can you watch over her for me? I got to go save her … Boyfriend.” Art looked at me. He saw right though me. “ Do you want to do this Cade? This is your ex-girlfriend is she worth it to you? You know she’ll never love you the same again. She’ll end up with him forever.” I looked him in the face. “ That’s the point. I don’t care if she’s in love with me. I want her happy and if this is what I have to do then so be it.  She is to important to me to see her this way. Art I know you can understand this but I need to make her smile.” Art looked at me for a moment and the screamed.” This is the same fucking cunt who…” I pulled my gun and held it to his face and cocked it. I could feel the  hate boil in me.. “ Don’t you ever , EVER, call her that I’ll fucking kill you. We may be friends but you insult someone I care about I’ll kill you.” I holsted my gun and walked out. I got in my car and drove to find more answers I needed a vampire to give me answers. Severin is the only vampire I know who will answer my questions. I couldn’t shake the thought of Rosa saying “ please bring him back. .” I speed up. I know its not my problem to deal with. I have Riza and James at home waiting for me. Once I stop the treats the could attack them I would come back home. I arrived at Severin’s House . I walked up to the door and kicked it in. “ Severin get your ass down here. “ I yelled. Severin came running down. “Ohhh hey Cade.What brings you here ?“  He asked. I saw he was sweating. I pulled my gun and said. “I’m here for answeres.” I cocked the gun. “ I need the name of the vampire trying to become immune.” He looked shocked. “ I don’t know what your talking about.” I shot his shoulder.” Don’t fucking lie to me.” “I don’t know.” I shot again in the other shoulder. “ Fine ok fine I’ll tell you. His name is Aiden Love. He acts all good but he’s not. He stores ghouls behind a hell wall and has been waiting for the eclipse. He runs a nightclub downtown called Tomb. That’s wall I know. I fucking swear.” “ Well looks like im going to Tomb.” I turned around and started walking. I hear a growl and a hiss. I turned and saw Severin getting up and run to me. I grabed him by the neck and said “ Your so fucking dumb.” Place the barrel of my gun in his mouth and said “ Bye my friend" and I fired. He dropped dead on the ground and I walked back to my car. So I’m going to tomb. I need guns first. I know just the guy to call. I pulled out my cell and hit speed dial nine. The phone rang and a female voice answered. “Hello?” she asked. “ Hey good looking how are you doing?” I said. “ Cade Smith you son of a bitch do you know what time it is?” She yelled. “Well Scarlet is time to wake up I got a big job I’m doing. I’m hunting a fang by the name of Aiden Love. He’s a big fish in a really small pond.” “ I know of him. Runs Tomb and club’s full of vamps?” “Yeah that’s him” “ You’re gonna need a lot of guns and man power. “ “ Guns yes manpower no. I’m doing this solo. Ill be there in a few hours. “ “ you live ten minutes way Cade. Why a few hours?” “ Spending my last days alive with someone who cares about me.” I said. “ Cade we all care about you. Not just him.”  Scarlet told me. “ He’s my son and I have to see him once before I die.” I told her. “ Cade….” Scarlet said and I hung up. The thing is I’m still married and in love with a women named Riza. She knows my line of work and helped a few times. After she gave birth to James monster after monster attacked. This is the life of a hunter. All these monsters were after me so I did the only thing I thought I could do. I ran. The sun was rising when I reached my wife,Riza’s house. I parked infront and walked up the pouch steps and knocked on the screen door. She opened the door and stood in shock. She then wraped her arms around me and hugged me close. “Cade I missed you.” I hugged her tight. “ Riza, I miss you so much. I can’t risk you or James getting hurt.” I leaned down and kissed her gently. “ I have some unpleset news. You’re not going to like it.” Riza looked me in the eyes and said” What is it?” Her eyes started to water. I hate to see her like this. “I’m going to a vampire den and kill Aiden Love. The thing is he’ll be surrounded by others. I could die…. I most likely will die.  I just wanted to see you guy one last time.” It broke my heart to say this but I did. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain on my cheek. I look up to see Riza Crying. “ You are Cade Wyile. You can trick Loki, out shoot Apolo and Artimis. The best damn hunter in America in over 200 years.” Riza was starting to get angry. “ “  Daddy?” A small voice came up. I turned and saw James in his little cowboy pajamas. He wiped the sleep from his is and ran as fast as his toodler legs could go. "DADDY!!" he yelled and jumped up. " Daddy i missed you. You comeing home for a while again?" "No buddy. Daddys going away for a long time." I felt a tear start to form.

[therecoveringcatho-holic]

mannn.. life is just getting so much better!!! i just have to share where i'm at y'all bc ive been pretty excited about who i'm becoming bc i'm actively working on my spirit and who i am thru Christ.

first off - i'm fortunate for past, current and future *pain* bc it's brought me many blessings and will continue to bring me more.. just watch. it's just all about perspective and mines slowly but surely turning around! 💕 pain is a blessing bc without it we wouldn't know joy & we wouldn't be able to help others with similar problems!! i def struggle with my own share of health issues, a lot more at 31 than i ever wanted to have but i gotta be realistic about it: i treated my mind, body and spirit like a trash can off and on for the better part of a decade, i have trauma that i wouldn't dive into - like for real, for real - until 2 years ago or so bc i kept wanting to mask it. all that did was make it fester and then i projected it on others so what should i expect you know?? i used to complain constantly that 'life is not fair' and until very recently, i couldn't turn that around in my head and look at it positively .. like I AM ACTUALLY GLAD it's not bc if it was fair then i should have died yearssss ago.. one way or another esp if you look at it from a scientific standpoint. i may not know what my purpose is in life y'all but it's not my job to figure that out, it's my job to trust The Lord and His plan for me even if it doesn't always make sense to me. He is a God beyond my understanding and letting Him run the show makes life a lot better. we're not meant to have it easy but we weren't designed to make it so hard on ourselves or others either. He provides us the tools, it's just a matter of if we choose to use them or not. we all struggle so let's help each other out but the right thing is usually not the easy one so be proud of yourself when you make good decisions, no matter how small. the small things become big things; choices become habits -- that can be good or bad so make it a good thing 😘

one main problem i've always struggled with is consistency, esp when it comes to obeying The Lord. i am finally aware that my behavior does NOT affect Gods love for me bc He's an unconditional, loving God but my behavior dictates how much easier or harder life becomes for me.. and it's a daily thing y'all but it is for a lot of people, not just me. i just know that when i impulsively react to somebody or something, my

m o u t h is the first to go 😬😏SOOOO now im pretty good at waiting it out and if i think the same thing 2 mins later or so, you bet i'm gonna say it bc i'm blunt like that and i don't care to sugarcoat my thoughts BUT i also don't have to be hateful/disrespectful about it.. so that's been a turn around, for sure! 🙏 most people have a filter and i seem to lack one so i'm trying to develop one.. haha, it's funny but it's not at the same time.. actually it's been quite debilitating, really. my impulsivity and my mouth have burnt a lot of bridges in my life. not everybody or everything deserves a reaction and i don't need to waste my energy on things that arent my business -- and huge surprise here guys -- there is a LOT of stuff that is not my business so i take my nose out of it now 😜. i thrived off the drama and chaos for so long bc i didn't wanna look inward at myself and work on what was actually wrong -- which was me and my spirit. i am blessed for awareness and personal perspective.. it is everything.

ive been going back to AA and someone mentioned that theyve been praying for people that they have issues with, don't like or whatever the case may be and it's been helping them change their reaction/perspective towards that individual. at the end of the day, people are gonna do what they're gonna do but the way i choose to respond to it says everything about me, not them. that's why i love "The Four Agreements" book so much -- seriously life changing bc it's helped me realized that like i had so much displaced anger for so long and made it about everybody else and "what they did to me" , how "i'm not like everybody else", "why do they have a career / family / house and i don't?" WHATEVERRRR blah blah blah 😑 when at the end of the day, it had nothing to do with them. i was unhappy with myself, pissed that i got "cursed" with alcoholism and depression, sleep issues, etc. so instead of looking at it my difficulties as strengths and blessings, i had my own definition of what successful, happy people looked like or what they had and i was straight up mad and jealous of y'all. like how dare y'all have it so easy, right?! 🙄 omg hahaha how delusional is that!!! NOBODY has it easy!!! we all have something man and just because others may not see it doesn't mean it's not there!!!

"be kind.. for we are all fighting a battle others know nothing about." amen!!

my life has turned out to be nothinggggg of what i thought it was gonna be .. and i'm at a place of acceptance about it now and what a blessing it is to feel at peace more often than not. i think the real definition of serenity is when you stop wishing you had a different past and appreciate what God trusted you to go thru bc He knew Y O U could handle it 🥰

my alcoholism has about damn killed me but i'm resilient and ive been able to help others who battle my demon too; my depression has helped me understand deep sadness and how not running away or being scared of somebody bc of that can really change another persons life for the better.. one conversation can literally save somebody's life so don't underestimate what it means when someone disabled from depresssion reaches out to you bc you could be a life changer to them, i know this from experience. sleep issues suck but i've had a lot of deep, thought provoking conversations at 3a, ill tell ya that! but lately i sleep better bc i'm getting the garbage out of my soul and giving myself some grace. i'm blessed to not hold on to people who left me during my darkest hour bc they weren't meant to see me grow and to take part in my joy now.. it's all how you look at it!! i tried holding on to soooo many people for so long and now i just feel free of that negativity .. and i'm sure some people feel the same about me these last few years.. i was very toxic to some people so they were right to let me go as well. there's always two sides to everything y'all -- like be blessed for those who have let you down!! now you have room for people who are loyal and worth your damn time!! but as i just mentioned, i had to look in the mirror though and humble myself bc at one point or another, i was "that person" on more than one occasion that let somebody down and perspective on that is key to moving forward and not hurting somebody like that again. hurt people hurt people and i was the queen of that. when i get what i feel is a proper amount of time under my belt, i have so many amends to make that its quite.. sick, really. in the 5 years i've been in and out of AA, ive only been told to F off and/or burn in hell twice after trying to make an amends so that's better than i deserve lol most have been receptive of my amends but this will be the second round for some of those same people and i don't expect the same forgiveness i got the first time bc i don't deserve it. i'll also be frank with you .. some people i don't want to make amends to bc i don't feel they deserve it so clearly i still have work to do on my heart and hopefully thru the program and in time, i will feel differently but right now that's honestly how i feel.

to sum it all up, here are some things that help me:

-if you have to hide it, don't do it. -chaos always proceeds change.

-people will treat you with as much respect as you show yourself (thank you Lord for helping me with this one!!)

-validation may come from other people but that's just temporary. if you ain't happy in YOUR heart, with who YOU are.. check your morals and standards my dear! it doesn't matter if the entire world thinks you're great -- you need to KNOW & BELIEVE you are and that begins with the belief system you set for yourself!

- the saying "one foot in front of the other" goes a long way.. act blessed and you'll become blessed; no matter how stupid it sounds in your head, talk kindly to yourself until you believe it -- affirmations work, i swear!!! most importantly, show others grace so you'll eventually show yourself some 💕

i am a sinner but i am not my mistakes. my alcoholic demon is strong but God is stronger.. and thru Him, so am i. without my community from TN to NC to GA, my friends, my family of choice, my medical team and The Lord God, id be an empty shell of a person still at the bottom of a bottle at all hours of the day wanting to die every second i was breathing.. yes, it got that bad more times than i can count so THANK YOU to everyone who has given a shit about me and this crazy life i've had!!! once i realized that roughly 10% of my life is whats happened to me and came to accept that 90% of my life were problems that i created myself, was when i was able to become grateful for all the problems i DONT have & blessed that although some bridges are forever burned, there are many that are not!!! if i continue to act right, i have beautiful opportunities to improve myself and my relationships, the most important one being with God.

i know ive got some haters but i don't view them as enemies anymore bc i don't like harboring anger in my heart anymore .. it doesn't feel good and it only speaks to my own personal insecurity when i've talked poorly of somebody in the past. ive never quoted tupac in my life but there's a first time for everything 🤣 "i want you to eat, just not at my table." to the people i don't like and to those that don't like me, let's pray for each other. everybody deserves happiness and to thrive in their own way.. i'm not gonna be apart of some people's lives and BOTH of us are better because of it! God, i loveeee acceptance!!!! 🙌

above all.. do & be YOU, boo boo!

if it matters any, i think you're pretty great! 😋😙

as alwaysss, much love from knox & prayers to friends in mid tenn!! hope everyone is safe!! 🙏

xoxo

kels

[jess-oh]

Reflection 22.4.19

hey journal, ive been starting to think about my life in catalyst and whether or not i would want to stay if that ministry continues in the state it's in. because jason is right. they do expect to be fed and the current leaders seem more bitter than anything else that more people arent willing to step up and just see it as a burden. and im sure it must be hard, bc there's no set pastor for the young adults and it's up to them to figure things out. at least in movement we have pjosh as the main head but they dont really have anyone. sure pjosh and psam are there but they manage their own separate ministries. catalyst is a place where they should be able to relax and just be present and not worry about managing it. and i get that, thats totally fine. i dont think having a pastor come in and take the burden of the whole ministry will solve/fix everything. it really has to come from a place of willingness.i kind of want to start doing some digging and see how Koinonia functions without a "head" pastor for that specific life stage. Or maybe it just falls on Pastor William's plate! And if so, maybe having a head pastor to make the final calls would drastically help Catalyst. I am going home in part to do some research on how Sa-Rang functions as a church like in Holy Wave and seeing what I can see what they do right and wrong and what knowledge I can bring back to Lakeview to help them grow and how to fix them. On the one hand, I don't want to leave because it is safe and comfortable at Lakeview and I know it well. I really enjoy the people in Kidsland and Koinonia and Movement too. And even Catalyst. But I don't know if I want to enter a ministry where I feel like I have to give and give so much and just get so burnt out in the end again. They definitely need a culture shift and a group of individuals that genuinely value loving Christ more than just doing things because it's easy or convenient. Maybe I'll just serve in Kidsland and spend all my time there and with Koinonia instead. I do really enjoy hanging out with the parents and I think they have a lot of wisdom to share. I really enjoy just casually talking with Julie, Ed, PDubs, Jenny, Mike, Sung, even Lois, and the other adults too. And Lois, Jenny, and Julie have been sosososo more than willing to selflessly allow me to stay in their house. And I know they're adults and have a more stable income and there are a lot of other factors at play here. But it's the heart that really counts and matters. I know that my mom is paying for my rent right now. But if any of the Movement people ever needed a place to stay, I would be more than happy to allow them to sleep in my apartment. Really. But I know most of them wouldn't want to travel that far anyway so it doesn't really matter but that heart is there. They can eat my food and enter my home and use my gas and electricity to do whatever. And I also get that I just generally enjoy hosting too so it's different but the heart is there. It doesn't matter that I don't have a stable income or career yet. I genuinely care for my peers and because I do, I'm willing to let them stay in my place. And that heart is lacking in Catalyst. Sometimes I think they'll say, "I would let you do this or do this for you but..." There's always a but. But why? They aren't willing to give. And I know I shouldn't be so quick and harsh to judge but it's true, isn't it? I want to enter a community where I feel like I can rest and don't have to try so hard or worry about anything. And plus, sidenote, it's weird that the life groups leaders arent considered the leaders for Catalyst! They're separate entities! What do the life group leaders handle verses the general leaders then? Is it on Tim, Jeff, and Elsa to think of all the events and organize/plan everything? Why is that not also the responsibility of the life group leaders? Why can't they co-exist? And also, I feel like Elsa is kind of looked down upon and treated like an outsider bc I know Tim and Jeff are close. I'm pretty sure they both went to UChicago, met in Movement, and have been friends for a long while whereas Elsa came as a newcomer as an adult much later. And maybe I'm just being paranoid on behalf of her because shes my friend but at least what I've observed, it does seem like that. I see her as an equal and I think she sees me that way too. And I'm happy to have a friend I can be present and honest with like her. We've talked about some pretty deep things and I'm happy we can. And I think she is intentional and does genuinely care. But, sigh, I don't know. Am I just being selfish in all of this? Because I don't want to serve anymore? Because I don't want to feel the pressure or the need to serve because if I don't, no one else will? I just want to come as a newcomer and take it as it is and not have to worry about making it better and fixing it and I also know I've already been fed myself a lot this past year and I'm currently trying to feed right now. I'm really grateful for the seniors for being willing to feed me but I feel like they've been my friends as well and while I'm sure I havent been nearly as helpless, I think I was able to feed them too. Not as well as I could have but I think I did. We both don't know a lot. There's a lot beyond what our lens can currently expand over. I just. I want to have guidance and be fed again and be given advice and have people to look towards and not like it's all on me to put in all the effort and bring up all of these ideas. And it's honestly just a burden. I want to be willing to put in the effort because I genuinely care for the people in the ministry and honestly, having people that are also grateful for that. And I know that serving is a thankless job and I shouldn't expect any praise or grace in return BUT, it is just my human nature talking i suppose.i just asked David if he's going to leave Lakeview once he graduates and I'm planning on asking Cecilia why she decided to leave Lakeview. And I'm sure other factors would be at play here and I know I still have a whole year to decide and a lot can change within the ministry in the span of a year too.  But I am curious. Because I am tired of serving and giving and maybe it's just burnt out me talking but at least with college, I have the opportunity to rest at the end of a school year and restart things at the beginning of the new term. And we no longer have that option in Catalyst. You just have to push through and be intentional yourself and be the one to keep each other accountable. In a way, it's like everyone is serving just to be a Christian. I just, sigh, ahhh, i dont know. I'm just frustrated at the state of the ministry I guess and the prospect of having to start all over again from square one intimidates me and it isn't something I want to do. God, I just honestly really want to ask for guidance from you. I feel so much more at home and comfortable with my InterCP friends and I feel bad because I'm barely even involved in the organization. I just contribute to the discussions every now and then and show up for our check ins on Wednesdays. I'm just really tired I guess and feeling burnt out. And I know that I've allowed Johnathan, Jason, and Amanda to really strongly influence me this past year and I don't want to be so overly dependent on them or anyone else anymore. And I know Amanda and Jason are planning on leaving and checking out other churches in part because of the current state that Catalyst is in. But come on, even PJosh isnt super on board with them! I think theres a lot happening in Movement right now and a lot of change for the better. We're getting to be much more grounded and are unveiling our identity that fits who we are and our culture. And I really like it. But Catalyst is still figuring that out. I was just cleaning the ceramic wheels and while I was, I was thinking more on this topic. I think Catalyst needs to get closer with Koinonia and learn from them and look to them for guidance. Because their identity is still blurry and until they can figure that out, it'll be tough for us to look to them for guidance when they themselves are still trying to figure it out. I think Movement is getting to place where we can be people that Zion looks up to and I think that will bridge the gap between the two ministries and become more encouraging for youth group students to enter Movement once they return home for college instead of just hanging around with the other youth students. Oh also, I've always wanted to ask Cecilia why she decided to leave and just assumed it was in large part because of work and the location of it but she said that it isnt just something she can answer in a couple sentences and is worth meeting in person to discuss. So I guess this was a very long though out decision and I am excited to hear what her response is next week! Also, I asked David too and he said that he would probs stay at Lakeview if he decided to stay in Chicago bc while he would want to go back to his home church where it's familiar bc he feels he can grow more at Lakeview. Which I respect. Good for you, David! I just had a lot of fun chatting with Joyce and David in the senior banquet group chat and I'm glad that I can be more present and intentional with them and just joke around. I definitely want to catch up and hangout with them in a one-on-one setting again. I think we have and we do just by serving together or being driven home or late nights at Norris or whatever. But scheduling the time to hangout is a bit different, I think. Anyway, thank you for listening to my vent and allowing me to word dump, journal. I'll talk to you soon! As always,

Jess

[amuelle]

Surprise, surprise…YOU ARE the poison.

We are officially in 2019. All the people who were being cut off in 2019 have been cut off. You might just be the toxic person and now you have to deal with knowing you aren’t that great. As I just found out recently….

(Names were changed in the production of this post to protect the identity of participants…but she knows who she is and I’m not sorry….)

I think it’s important to maintain relationship and it’s not difficult to do. I’ve always prided myself on being a great communicator and maintaining relationships. I know I’m not the easiest person to love or get to know. It also takes a lot to get past my initial ‘hard’ exterior. Deep down inside past the sarcasm and smart mount…I’m really a sweetheart….Really. Its something I have complete security in. I know this about myself, I am a great communicator and friend. I was absolutely certain about it but I recently found out that that is not the experience that everyone has had with me. I rarely make new friends, however on occasion you meet someone who can make a valuable contribution to your life in the form of a new friend. I met this one lady – Lola, a long time ago when we were kids. We only became friends when a mutual friend reintroduced us in our 20s. We became a girl gang who hung out every weekend and grew close over a few years and it was a great time.

Part of adulating is accepting you aren’t always a ray of sunshine, you too can be a trash human being at times. Just because you don’t think something about yourself or are convinced you are a great human being that doesn’t make it true. Let me make a personal example – I know I’m loving and know how to show love. Just because I think I’m loving that doesn’t mean that everyone in my life agrees with that.  It doesn’t also mean that that’s how they experience me. My belief that I’m loving doesn’t negate the negative experiences people have had with me.

Recently….well not recently, Lola cut me off a long time ago but my slow ass only caught off after actually confronting the issue with her. We had a spat and I still admit I acted like a dick and I apologised for it when I realised where I had gone wrong. I apologised profusely. I apologised like I was Ruben Studdard and it was 2004, like Kobe did when he was caught cheating….I APOLOGISED…On more than one occasion and I thought we were solid but this was not the case. After noticing her distance herself I decided to reach out because maybe she was just living her life and still wanted to be homies. She didn’t respond to my text and I started to worry but I didn’t have the courage to address it. So it persisted to bother me and finally I reached out again and still no response but this time a bitch had some balls and asked why I was being ghosted. She finally responded saying “Because you are ill-tempered and thus incapable of communicating your hurt without being hurtful or catty to other people. This is my experience of you and I would rather not deal with that kind of energy”

(ROW OF SHOCKED EMOJIS AND SIDE EYE)

(THIIIIIIS BITCH)

I’ll admit that I was shocked and I wanted to further engage in the conversation but then it HIT me, she was right. In this specific scenario I was the poison. I had been a dick to her and she didn’t want to deal with me which was super fair. Did I agree with her a hundred percent, no not at all (let’s say vehemently disagree because I’m fucking awesome) but that didn’t matter because for her she had decided and she had cut me off.

I’ve seen that meme all over the socials about how if I’m the poison in your life don’t feel bad about cutting me off, we are grown and self care is important and blah blah blah….ABSOLUTE SHIYYYYTE! That shit hurts. It hurts, you will feel blindsided especially if you thought the issue was resolved. You may or may not get mad and you might want to act in the exact way that you got cut off in the first place. And that is EXACTLY what I did…..I totally did. I let my lil ill-tempered ass get to work. She clearly hadn’t thought it was of any value to notify me she didn’t want to be friends anymore and I wasn’t about to beg another woman like she gives me rounds. If I hadn’t apologised sincerely more than once I would get it but alas we were here now and a bitch got pride. After she gave me the answer I needed I also ghosted her. Then proceeded to delete her off ALL social media, whatsapp groups, deleted the reminder for her little birthday… I was all DELETE, no pause!

The deleting was definitely a knee jerk reaction. However I am NOT willing to swallow my pride and go back to talking to her about it because I am the POISON. It doesn’t mean I should just lay down and die. What exactly would I be trying to negotiate there???? I’ll tell you what, NOTHING!!!! Not one thing because she doesn’t want my friendship and that’s not a bad thing at all. Effectively, this person just said she wants nothing to do with me and that means everything relating to our former friendship had to change. I couldn’t be the only one in it and by keeping her number and keeping her on social media was just that. It’s a break up, break ups suck but they also teach you things. I am ill-tempered and don’t communicate well when I’m hurt.…BUT WHO DOES??? How many people can say at the height of experiencing the emotions that come with betrayal or an invasion of their privacy they will talk in a calm rational and thoughtful manner?  I can’t say that for myself. In fact the person who can communicate their hurt that way, I’d like to meet. I’d like to shake their hand, sponsor their life and follow them like people used to follow The Grateful Dead….. (And I’m serious!) As for being catty…shiiiiiit….I wrote that book, wrote the movie adaptation, executive produced the sound track and there is talk of a theater production. Yes, YES, YES she was right.

It takes a minuet for you to realise that your feelings are making you act a certain way. That certain way might make you not to be the most gracious human being. That said that text made me feel like I hadn’t grown, changed or learnt anything since. She drew a conclusion and it was a fair one because that was her experience. I don’t have to like it for it to be true. I am NOW not quick to be a dick but that doesn’t mean irrevocable damage wasn’t already done. I don’t dispute that at all and nor do I wanna change her mind. I’m only human and I made a mistakes. Just because you apologise it doesn’t mean the other person is obligated to accept your apology. Not only that, they are not obligated to try grow through something with you. They don’t owe you anything….(let that sink in, lets also repeat it for the people who read and don’t absorb immediately…..NO ONE OWES YOU A DAMN THING!)

Now rudely awoken to my toxic traits I am obligated to do better. My problem is/was that I need to use my words better at all times, especially when I’m upset. It’s not fair to lash out but it’s also impossible to gauge how you will react when your privacy is invaded or you feel betrayed. We all have knee jerk reactions and sometimes it hurts the people around us. BUT!!!!!!!! And this is a big BUTT… I mean stripper from Atlanta round and brown big. You are HUMAN!!! You will make mistakes and if you don’t grow from them then you deserve to be cut off and then cut off again coz you know better but don’t do better.

Someone can experience you in a certain phase of your life and assume that’s who you are. That’s who you were at that moment maybe when you aren’t heated you aren’t that person. That doesn’t matter. How many of us go back to the stove to get burnt some more after having been burnt? You won’t go back to get brunt again, but you still need to use the stove to cook. You just now need to be more careful. It’s crazy and irrational to think someone would see poisonous traits in you and stick around to see IF you change. There is no guarantee that once the issue has been raised and apologies exchanged that you will change. If they don’t give you the chance to show them you have changed, you aren’t their lover and even if you were they have every right to still leave you if you are not fulfilling your mandate. Don’t be selfish enough to think anyone is obligated to put up with your torture.

Torture yourself and let the rest of us LIVE!!! That said in this situation since I am the poison I have to understand that I was the weakest link. Even though I felt slated because in her other friendships she had given chances and let others change and grow to be better. In our situation maybe she reached her breaking point quicker or our friendship wasn’t that important to her such that we could try work through things. I’ve decided to KTSE( Keep The Same Energy). If you don’t want to try with me I’m not going to try convince you I am worth it. I already know I am (wow that whole paragraph sounds so defensive….oh well)

At this point It’s not about loses and gains, it’s all about peace of mind. Lola did what she had to do. By asking and her telling me she is done with me, it gave me what I needed too. I’m solid right now. I absolutely prefer this to the purgatory of a one side friendship. I know better now and my intension is to always be cognisant of the way I deliver a message even when I’m hurt. You have been cut off for a reason and that reason should be a starting point for you being a better human being.

At the time of writing this I hadn’t seen her in a LONG LONG time. When I finally did, I was with a mutual friend and I avoided her like the plague. If I saw her left, I went right, like I was playing ‘you can’t catch me’ and that was the ill-tempered petty in me…I feel fine about it because it’s good to know we are nothing to each other. I am also grateful she showed me that I need to do better and I intend to do so.

[superblyjovialtheorist-blog]

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"How do i find if someone hs a life insurance policy on me?

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Do i need to have a Florida license in order to have car insurance for a car registered in Florida?

I want to file a complaint about two health insurances.?

I went on the Internet to try to get health insurance, this company called alliance for affordable service called me and told me that my percriptions would only cost in the neigbor hood of $10- to &50 dollars. I spoke to my Dr. and he told me that there was none of my medicines that he could change to the lower prices. I contacked the company and told them what the Dr. told me. I asked for my money back, they told me to send a letter, which I did. They sent me one back aqnd told me that they would not give me my money back. I dropped the insurance. I contacked another insurance on the internet. They called me. I sepicifity asked if they covered preexisting conditions and he asked did I mean, I told he that the Dr. wanted to do surgery on me left foot. He told me that it would cover any preexisting preplanned surgeries. The Dr. office called them and they told her that they would not cover any suegery inpatient or out. This company was Sure Care.""

2012 subaru wrx insurance rate?

I am looking to get a 2012 subaru wrx. I am 17 and i am part of my family's all state insurance plan. I have never had an accident and i live in New York. What kind of price should i be looking at. I was told that because the car has a turbo it increases the insurance rate even though it is a four door four cylinder car. Thanks for the help.

What is the average insurance for a 11 hyundai elantra for 18 year old?

What is the average insurance for a 11 hyundai elantra for 18 year old?

Car insurance question?

My step dad bought me a car in june '08.He was going through a divorce with my mom and he told me that he would pay my car insurance for the first 6 months. after i got the car he didnt really talk to me much anymore and i didnt see him at all. after 6 months passed in around december i didnt get anything in the mail to my house (he lived at another hosue not wth me anymore) about ym insurance so i assumed he was still paying for it. i had never gotten pulled over or in an accident since i got the car. in february of this yr someone smashed into my cars front hood and the bumper is smashed as well as the girll and headlights, they hit me and then ran so i got no information. when i got into the accident i called the insurance place witch i had no idea which i had i got the info from the papers in my glove compartment and they told me since i got the car in june no insurance had been ever paid. my car was not registered. no basically for 8 months i was driving around an uninsured car. i still havent done nething about it bc im scared idk what is gonna happen. i havent fixed my crash car or drove it . how much money am i gonna ghave to pay to get insurance again. he basically lied to me and he refuses to talk to me about it.""

Car auto insurance and person at fault wont pay.?

My sister was driving my car and was hit but the person at fault is refusing to pay. Filed a claim with both insurance companies . My insurance company refused to pay becuase my sister is not included in the policy and the other persons insurance company refuse to pay because they claim her insurance canceled because she moved out of state a couple of days prior to accident. Whoever was handling my claim refused to help at all since My sister was not included in the policy. What do I do? The other driver admitted it was her fault and I believe it is in the claim letter i received.

""How much should an average home insurance policy cost, for a 3 family home in Queens, NY?""

What coverage is mandatory, what is not but recommended? Thank you for your input. Also if you can suggest an insurance broker that would be really helpful""

What do you think would be the insurance costs for a vehicle in NJ?

Age 18 Cars looking into (Under 35k) Dodge Charger (4dr base or higher) 2009 BMW 750Li 2009-or higher What would you think would be the average cost per year?

""For health insurance plan, is it good to have a low deductible, but a higher coinsurance?""

I'm looking at a health insurance plan with a premium of $76 per month. The deductible is $500 and out-of-pocket maximum is $2,500, which doesn't include deductible. Coinsurance is 30% after deductible. I get the first 3 doctor visits for $30 co-payment and then pay 30% after deductible. Does this plan sound okay? I normally see a doctor once a year. Thanks!""

What car insurance company do you use?

My car insurance is 2,200 a year and my parents are looking for something cheap. We have state farm. Any suggestions?""

How do i find if someone hs a life insurance policy on me?

How do i find if someone hs a life insurance policy on me?

""What is Cheaper, Insurance Group 6E or 4P?""

What is Cheaper, Insurance Group 6E or 4P""

""How can I find affordable health insurance that covers chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, or both?""

I live in Colorado. I only make slightly above minimum wage. I am not eligible for health care benefits through work. I have a chronic issue and am in pain if I do not go. I spend $250 on chiropractic and $250 on acupuncture for a grand total of $500 a month. Is there a health insurance plan that could cover either one or both kinds of treatments for less than $500 a month? If not, I will just continue to pay out of pocket although it is very expensive.""

Do auto insurance companies have to look at your driving record?

I have never had a vilolation. My husband has. He had one in 2006 for running a red light and one in 2008 for driving too fast for conditions. Well naturally this has given me higher payments. I was with Liberty Mutual and for liability only (my car isn't worth full coverage) I was paying $124 a month. My husbands pay was cut drastically at work so I was shopping around for cheaper insurance. I called Geico and they offered me liability for $55 a month. She came on and asked if I knew he had two tickets and at the time I didn't because I didn't know my husband in 2006. The lady told me my payments were going to be $144 with them and when I told her no she put me on hold. When she returned she offered me the $55. She read back to me everything I am getting which is a lot more than what I was getting from Liberty Mutual for a lot less price. Is it possible they just dissmissed the report to gain us as customers? I was cooking dinner at the time and my kids started playing loud so all I really heard was cha ching lol.

How much is Jay Leno's car insurance premium?

How much is Jay Leno's car insurance premium?

What would my car insurance run me for this?

Ok.....im 16 years old and just got my license. Ive been driving for about 3 years now. But now im legal to drive on the real road now. I have a 1996 mustang cobra 2d hardtop. All stock except it has flows on it. I dont have the first clue on what to do on insurance cuz my family doesnt have car insurance cuz they are crazy people who dont belive in that crap....thats what they say......but if anyone out there is a insurance agent or somthin...maybe you can help me...work with me on this....give me a range on what i could expect to pay with full coverage or just liability....that would be great..... thanks :D

Driver Insurance instead of Car Insurance?

Is there such a thing as an insurance that insures the driver not the car? My son is at college 8 months out of the year and is only home to drive a car 4 of those months. The car insurance company says we must put him as a Primary driver on one of our cars, which is rediculous because he hardly ever drives! I was wondering if I could remove him from my car insurance and get some other kind of insurance that just covers him when he drives our vehicles. Does anything like this exist and if so, where would I get it?""

Do you have to report a DUI to the car insurance company?

My friend got a DUI not too long ago. This is the state of Florida, and she has Allstate. I understand that her getting a DUI is now public records because she spent the night in jail. Because the fact that it's public records now, is she required to inform her Allstate insurance company about her DUI? Also, what will happen either way whether she reports it to insurance company or not? Will they remove her from her insurance or jack up the rates? It is her FIRST DUI and other than that she has a good driving record. Thanks.""

What's the best (fully legal) way for a 17 year old to get cheap car insurance in the UK?

I'm looking at getting a car for my 17 year old son who has just passed his test, but am fairly horrified by the insurance quotes I'm getting for a Ford Ka. He will be the main driver of the vehicle, and I don't want to claim he's the second driver, as that would technically invalidate the insurance. Advice please.""

How do i become an insurance agent in california?

How do i become an insurance agent in california?

Motorcycle insurance?

I want to get my motorcycle license this summer then buy an old bike to ride for awhile till i learn enough and buy a new bike later. But i want to know how much the insurance would cost me. Im 17 and live in California. And i want to get a 1985 Kawasaki. Whats the cheapest insurance i can get? How much is it?

I dont have car insurance and someone hit my car and im not at fault does it matter if i hav insurane or not?

I dont have car insurance and someone hit my car and im not at fault does it matter if i hav insurane or not?

Can small business owners & the self-employed get quality yet affordable health & dental insurance...?

if so, how?""

Which is the best of the car insurance price comparison websites?

And is there like a website that you can go to that lets you compare them easily?

What is the Cheapest car insurance for an 18 year old with a license for 4 months?

I have a 87 Toyota supra. The cheapest we've found was 119 a month! Is there better though?

Car Insurance question?

I am 17 years old, and I have a provisional license. I was wondering if it was legal to drive my parents car without me added to their policy. I live in New Jersey.""

How can i get my story known if Im a United States Marine Corps veteran and dont qualify for health insurance?

They tell me I make too much to get the government insurance and the company Ive worked for throughout the last 7 months will not promote me to full time to where I could even qualify for health care. Im married with a 3 month old and owe 30k in medical bills already at the age of 22. Is there anything anyone can tell me that will help?

Why would a African America have to pay more for car insurance?

Me and my friend writes for the school news paper. We did our own investigation like the local news will do sometimes.We both at two different times went to see a local and same agent for a car insurance quote . We are both the same age, No record of bad driving, No criminal record, also wanted insurance on the same car and same gender. The only different variable was race. I don't think time would of played part since it was only 1 hour apart. This offends me how the car companies can do this. I wondered why? Any information or missing links that can help us write this story?""

Whats the cheapest car insurance for full coverage?

Whats the cheapest car insurance for full coverage?

SO confused about this car insurance issue?

ok, due to being in the hospital giving birth, i missed a second payment on my car insurance in one term. i was told by my broker that was it, there was nothing i could do, they would cancel. my insurance company is ING. i said ok so what next? she told me on july 10th that they were sending out a registewred letter that day stating it was cancelled (my payment was late on june 25th). 2 wks later i had not received anything so i called my broker again. this was at 1 pm (they close at 4) and no one called me back. finally, i called back again, she called ING and called me back saying ok they said if you can pay it today it wont be cancelled (i had asked MULTIPLE times if this was an option, i was told no) by the time she told me that, it was 330 pm. I live a 1/2 drive away and by the time i got the baby together, went to the bank etc, it would be after their closing time so i couldnt do that. i contacted another broker who my mother deals with and he told me that they would send me my""

Is the insurance going to total my car?

Last week I got rear ended by a motorcyclist. I drive a '99 jetta and in EXCELLENT condition it's only worth about $2,600. My car was in decent condition so worth about $2,000. I got a few quotes on how much it'll cost to fix it and it was anywhere between $1,000 to $1,800. Are they going to total my car?!""

How much can we expect to get from insurance for replacement of car door?

Our 2003 Hyundai Sonata got backed into recently. The lady hit the front passenger door and smashed it in. It still opens, but sounds awful when it does, and the window doesn't work right (power window). She had Farmers insurance, and I've heard bad things about them, but we're gonna get an estimate from different auto body shops around town. How much can we expect the insurance to pay out for this damage?""

How much did your car insurance rate increase when your 16 year old began driving?

he amount my insurance went up may have nothing to do with your insurance increase. There are way, way too many variables""

Car Insurance Question for Washington State?

In WA State, does the car insurance follow the car, or the person? I want to say the person, because when someone gets car insurance and they trade in their car, that insurance will cover that replacement car for 30 days or so. But when someone lends their car to their friend and that friend is in an accident or causes a claim, is that friend covered under the insurance of the person who lent the car? Then wouldnt that mean that the insurance follows the car in this case?""

How much does car insurance cost?

I'm an 18 year old male. My GPA in high school was 3.4. No criminal record. I'm going to be driving my mom's Honda Accord 2005. She only got into 2-3 accidents ever. She has Farmers Insurance. They never respond when my parents ask them how much insurance would cost me so I figured I should ask someone here for an estimate.

Hi i passed my driving test 3 weeks ago on my 18th day and looking for a car which is cheap on insurance?

I have been looking at a 5 door 2003 ford fiesta but I am 6ft tall and is the fiesta seems too small for me. I have been looking at a 2005 1.6 5 door ford focus 3771 monthly premium to insure. Will my insurance be effected if i go for a 1.6 can any one help me

How do i find if someone hs a life insurance policy on me?

How do i find if someone hs a life insurance policy on me?

Will my daughter driving permit have an affect on our insurance rates?

Will my daughter driving permit have an affect on our insurance rates?

What is considered a qualifying event for health insurance coverage?

If I waived health insurance through work because I already have a policy and then during the year I involuntarily lose my health insurance is that considered a qualifying event to obtain coverage right away through my job's insurance company and not having to wait for open enrollment?

What would be a good starter/first car? Cheap to Run & Insure?

I try to avoid Vauxhall & Ford, So I'm looking to spend 800 on a used car, that is cheap to run, and most importantly cheap to insure. I'm 22.""

""My family makes 80,000 but can't afford health insurance. I have loans and all, what do I do?""

We are currently living in Pleasanton CA because I want my daughter to go to a good public school (cant afford private schools)We have no family here in California, its just the two of us with our 5 year old daughter.(my husband is an only child, both of his parents died) It is very expensive to live in Pleasanton, but we rather live someplace nice where the school system is good and we are also interracial couple. We have credit card loans,(25,000) and my husband has a student loan. My daughter is on a Kaiser individual plan which is 300 a month. We have a car payment of 312 a month and still have 6000 left to pay off. We have a low interest rate on the car loan like 4%. We tried consolidating our loans but it did not work. Now my job offers health insurance, but it is very costly, 280 a month which I can't afford, and we are not qualified for the covered California. Please anyone has any advise we would love to hear some feedback.""

Does anyone have a moped and pay insurance for it?

I would like to get a moped when I get my driver's liscence in a few months or so. Does anyone own a moped and pay insurance for it? I've heard it's much higher than car insurance. And also, would the insurance rate be higher for a new driver, rather than one who has had a liscence for a few years?""

Insurance rebate?

If you cancel your car insurance, do you get a rebate as you do with road tax?""

How much would car insurance cost with a 2008 kia optima im 17 years old?

i get my lisence in 2 months i live in south florida and im gunna have to pay for my insurace so i need to know so i know how much im gunna have to work

Car insurance for 17 year old male?

hi how much would cost a car insurance for 17 year old male? with engine 1.4 or 1.6 for example volksvagen golf or honda civic? is it worth to wait a year until im 18 will cost of the insurance descrease much?

Help!Do you know about Nation Wide Insurance in France?

I have a class project about Nation Wide Insurance....If you know anything or any sites to look at please help.

Looking for a car with free insurance.......?

My brother has just passed his driving test and I am trying to help him get a new car but keep the costs down. He is 23 and I was wondering if anyone new of any deals that are on at the moment. He lives in Glasgow if that's any help. Thanks everyone Kevin

Is Bristol West Insurance a good company?

I am looking to change my insurance company and got a really good quote on insurance, but it's seems a bit too good. Does anyone have any information regarding this company? I found them through Farmers Insurance Group.""

Will lifting my Jeep affect my insurance rates?

I have a Jeep Cherokee, which is my daily driver, but I'm lookin into making it alot bigger, putting a 6 lift kit on and putting 35 tires. I dont know whether or not I need to notify my insurance company about this. I dont expect them to insure the lift or anything, but can I be dropped by them if I do not tell them? I'm not actually going to be taking the truck offroad (stupid I know, but its just for looks).""

Health insurance costs...what do you pay?

My husband is in the military and is thinking about getting out. Our health insurance is totally covered right now but in the civilian world we have no idea what the cost will be if he doesn't get a job that offers benifits. I'm looking for any info about what people pay monthly, and co-pays for health insurance for a family with 1-2 children. Thank you so mcuh!!!""

Teen driving auto insurance.?

I am a 16 year old man and i am a week away from being eligible from getting my licence. If I were to get my licence would I need to obtain auto insurance? I would drive my parents car not my own so would I need Insurance or would my rates be deductable explain please thanks for answering.

Are fire insurance mandatory in California(near Los angeles)?

If a house is all paid for, is fire insurance still mandatory? If your house catches on fire and gets completely burned down, when does fire insurance pay you? Also how does fire insurance determine how much to pay you?""

Buying auto insurance?

Can two brother's buy auto insurance regardless of if they live together or not?

Insurance companies scoop on value of totaled car?

If the market in your area is much higher then what nada is, the insurance is going to do a market analysis. How far can they legally go out. Meaning how many miles. If I am in ...show more""

""BMW 318i 53 reg, insurance new driver?""

Parents may be buyign a new car, how much would it cost to insure a new driver on a bmw 318i 53 reg, about 30000 miles. Insurance would probably be on parents policy, 30+ years no claims, safe driving etc.""

Auto Insurance quote...please help!?!?!?

My sisters insurance..we live in CA by the way..has 2 cars insured. Her total premium for 6 months is 541 but we pay 114 a month. How did they get that monthly payment? If she was to add me to her policy the premium would go up 2 $740. My question is how much would the monthly payment turn out to be????

Getting free insurance when buying a van new?

I'm Ste & I'm 21. I've just passed my license a month a go and I'm struggling to get a decent quote from any insurance company. That's made me think about buying one new as I know some car showrooms do free insurance policies for young drivers (Mainly over 21) which is lucky as i've recently celebrated my 21st. So, are there any van company's with free insurance? I've got no no claims and I've had my license a month. Any help would be brill! Cheers, Ste.""

""Buying moped, cost, insurance rate from ICBC?""

I want to buy a moped for to and from work What should I have to spend for a good 50cc What will ICBC charge on insurance per year, it will be a second vehicle if you can call it that lol""

How much would auto insurance cost?

I am going to be driving soon (I am 15) and I'm looking into buying a car/truck. I would like to know how much it would cost for me to get insurance so that i can drive soon. Thank you!

What are friends with benefits? Do they provide health insurance coverage?

What are friends with benefits? Do they provide health insurance coverage?

Can I use medicaid as a secondary insurance?

Hello. I live in the state of florida. I just found out im still covered under my mother's health insurance because Im under 24 and I am a full time student. I also qualify for and have pregnancy medicaid, but I want to go to a doctor with my moms insurance because I used this specific doctor for my last pregnancy. My question is, could I still use my medicaid to cover my co-pays with this ob/gyn?I called the office and they said they could send the bills to medicaid for what my mom's insurance doesnt cover. I dont have a job and can't afford to pay the co-pays/lab fees/hopsital fees. thanks""

I have my driving test soon need insurance help im 17 could go on mums insurance but lowest quote is 1500?

and thats with a box in the car but lowest quote without box in lowest quote 3500 and lowest quote on my own insurance 4000 her car is a 1.4 54 plate fiesta on my own it would be a banger old car

How do i find if someone hs a life insurance policy on me?

How do i find if someone hs a life insurance policy on me?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/louisiana-auto-insurance-identification-card-jose-michaelson/"

[angrybelieverconnoisseur-blog]

Do health insurance companies think the average person is a moron?

"Do health insurance companies think the average person is a moron?

I am having a tooth implant.  My insurance co. won't pay a nickel for it.  They say it is not a necessary procedure since there are alternatives even though I had to sign a statement with my dentist that included the clause 'I understand this is a necessary procedure in my case because alternatives could jeopardize the health of my entire tooth structure.'  Then I noticed my dental insurance pays for preventative oral cancer screening.  I asked their rep whether that was a necessary procedure since obviously it's not, since it's preventative.  The rep gave me some b.s. answer. Then I said, why don't you just admit you won't pay for the implant because it's expensive? The rep said"",I recommend you to try this internet site where you  can compare quotes from different companies:""

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

How much is car insurance monthly in Oregon with a Dealer License?

A buddy of mine who lives in Washington registers their cars with their dealer license. My buddy claims that his car insurance is only about $20.00 a month because of his dealer license. My family and I are beginning to pick cars up on craigslist and flipping them and are getting a dealer license so I'm wondering if in the state of Oregon, if the car insurance will be cheap like that or is that a Washington only thing? Thanks for your answers- Paul""

Good individual insurance?

My job doesn't provide insurance because it's technically not full time. I absolutely cannot be without medical insurance because I deal with things like depression, asthma, allergies, and back and neck pain from an accident (I need an insurance with very good prescription drug coverage, chiropractic care coverage, and mental health coverage-like therapy/psychiatrists). Needless to say I can't afford to NOT have insurance. I'm also overweight, so it's very hard to find affordable insurance for myself. Since February, I have been on individual insurance with CHAND, a high risk insurance division of Blue Cross Blue Shield of North Dakota. The insurance is pretty good, but I pay $260/month, which is way out of my budget. My question is this: are there any good and inexpensive insurances out there for me? I'm trying to save money for a second bachelor's degree (college) and a wedding. Can anyone help? Thank you in advance- I deeply appreciate it!""

Low cost health insurance for people who are unemployed?

Looking for an insurer for less than $300/month. Some health issues are involved.

NEED HELP FROM CALIFORNIA RESIDENTS about car insurance!?

We recently moved, and I called my car insurance agent today trying to change my zip code. My insurance company (Mercury) wants to charge us extra $150 for a 6-month period. As I recall, wasn't there a law passed last year against insurance companies from using a zip-code-based system? And when we brought that up to her, she just said we haven't gotten any notice from Mercury so we're still going to charge you for moving. Anyone knows what I can do about this? Thanks.""

I'm looking for affordable health insurance.?

I'm 31 and I have a pre-existing condition (open heart surgery 2004). I take coumadin daily and get my blood checked every month at Jacksonville Heart Center. I'm looking to take another job with much better pay. The only problem is they don't offer health insurance yet. I've been quoted at $180-$190 a month that do accept pre-existing conditions. Is there anyone cheaper that is not just some fly by night company?

I want to switch car insurance companies?

My car insurance is up at the end of September. The current company that I'm with has sent me a renewal reminder. They will automatically renew it at the end of the month. (They also sent me a note to say the card I used to pay last time has expired, so I will need to enter a new one). I've found a cheaper quote elsewhere therefore I want to go with a new company. However, despite the fact that all my dealings with the current insurance provider have been online, if you want to cancel your policy, you have to do it by phone. I don't particularly want to call them and get the hard sell (I'm really not very good in that sort of situation). Seeing as the credit card I used to pay for the insurance last time has now expired, shall I just ignore them and go with someone new, or will they then keep chasing me saying I owe them money?""

What is the lowest car insurance for a Kia?

I need insurance for just 1 vehicle a 2002 Kia Rio valued at $2500 How can i get an insurance policy that would pay for repairs and the other persons medical bills for under $300 a year Is there any plan that offers car insurance at this rate or less

""Liability only car insurance, does it matter what car you get?

I'm pretty sure you pay more if you get a mustang than a honda 4 door civic. Just liability only - not full comp and collission. No notes that if you have a loan in the car you have to carry full coverage. I know that already. Car would be cash and use same year for both cars.

GAP insurance on finance car?

I paid 400 for GAP insurance on my new car around 6months ago when taking it out on finance I have just been made redundant does GAP cover this?

Does car insurance not cover broken cars?

long story short there is a mahoosive hole in my engine and a burnt out lume... the car is undriveable as its blown to bits, but ive only had it a month of a private seller... am i right in thinking my car insurance wont pay out for this?""

How much will insurance go up with with a speeding ticket and now I rear ended someone on the freeway?

I have Allstate Insurance in California. I got a speeding ticket in Nevada. And it was either hit a semi or rear end a car on the freeway.

Who has the cheapest car insurance?

Who has the cheapest car insurance?

How much is insurance for young men drivers?

I want to get a new car and im 18 years old. My dad says he wont put me on his insurance if i buy a new car but insurance on a new car will be like $400 a month!!!! I have no accidents or tickets my record is clean. Is this normal? I dont live in a bad area and it is a convertible pontiac g6. ThanX

What car insurance company provides the cheapest policies and best coverage?

What car insurance company provides the cheapest policies and best coverage?

Will my auto insurance company check my husband's credit and driving record if I add him to my policy?

I have been married for 4 years. My husband bought his car with his parents and has been covered under their insurance all this time. The car has been now paid off and he needs to go ...show more

Does anyone know the cost of insurance for an infiniti g37 for a 18 year old boy?

Apparently, the dealer says infiniti g37 aren't technically sports cars so the insurance wouldn't be too high for my son. I'm not to sure though..can anyone clear this matter up?""

New york car insurance?

Fyi i have liberty mutual coverage. So my son will be receiving his license soon, and i want to know what the best option for him would be. My household has two policies, one that my daughter holds and one that i hold. I have two pretty expensive cars on my policy, and my daughter has my old car (clunker) and her own separate policy. When my son gets his license i want him to drive my daughters old car, while she is at college, and when she is back they can share. So if I were to list my son on her insurance, would he be able to drive my cars? ( like when his is in the shop). Or would it make more sense to put him on my policy? Thank you!""

Where can I get low cost life insurance for my parents?

My parents are getting older now and I was wondering where was a good reliable place I can obtain low cost life insurance for them in case something happens to take care of their bills and wishes? I've seen ads on TV and the internet, but I can't tell who is a reliable company and it would be great if they don't have to go through a medical exam. I'm not looking for a million dollar policy or to get rich, just something reasonable to help take care of their bills and stuff should the worst happen.""

Van insurance employment status question?

I'm about to set up my own business as i've qualified as a painter & decorator so i'm looking into van insurance quotes. For the employment status i've been filling in my current job details (sales) as i am not yet registered as self employed and i will be maintaining my job until work picks up. Is this correct? It will only let me choose one occupation so the option of 2 is not there

I have insurance for a car I had for 6 days. The insurance co. says it's a total loss. They gave me a value?

Audatex is not kelly blue book they look at craigslist & not the dealer. Craigslist sometimes has cars where a mechanic might not catch it but is damaged. The price I paid is higher due to getting sick & credit went down so I had to go to a local dealer with higher interest. They want the insurance check plus $1700.00 & interest. So I will pay for this thing for over 1 1/2 years. I had it 6 days when some crazy driver almost hit me I turned & hit a wall. The insurance company says I loose my good driver discount. Since I will have to wait to pay off this car I can cancel my insurance once the dealer gets the check. Is there any California law that would say if this happens I would be able to pay off the car. It's worth more as a loss then to try to fix it. Please help. Thank You.

How much is insurance for a 16 years old camry 1997 yahoo?

i live in california, and we have 4 drivers in my family and we pay 700, 1 way, how much will i pay im 16 and i will be getting a camry 1997""

Looking for add on health insurance my company maxes out at $25000.00?

do insurance companies sell that type of insurance

How much would it cost to be put on my dad's insurance?

I have a provisional license and i'd like to know how much it would cost my dad to put me on his insurance???? and please don't give me any links to confused.com i tried it doesn't help me and don't tell me to ring the insurance company because i'm going to today.... I was hoping you could just give me an estimate like... how much a month? or whatever.... thanks in advance

Looking for the best prices in auto insurance and Quick!?

I know there are some reliable auto insurance companies out there with killer rates. Anyone know something good?

Life insurance question?

Y do insurance companies call it life insurance? aint like we can insure our life and decide when we wanna die. it should be called death insurance since we cant use it until after we die. even then we dont get to enjoy the money that we paid into it.

Do health insurance companies think the average person is a moron?

I am having a tooth implant.  My insurance co. won't pay a nickel for it.  They say it is not a necessary procedure since there are alternatives even though I had to sign a statement with my dentist that included the clause 'I understand this is a necessary procedure in my case because alternatives could jeopardize the health of my entire tooth structure.'  Then I noticed my dental insurance pays for preventative oral cancer screening.  I asked their rep whether that was a necessary procedure since obviously it's not, since it's preventative.  The rep gave me some b.s. answer. Then I said, why don't you just admit you won't pay for the implant because it's expensive? The rep said"",I recommend you to try this internet site where you  can compare quotes from different companies:""

Can I get health insurance for my nephew?

My nephew is 2 years old and I am really unhappy with the medical treatment he's been getting. He has asthma and has had an awful chest infection for months now, which doesn't seem to be going away. He coughs incessantly, often bringing up mucus. I want to know if I can insure him, as he's not my son. Also, is BUPA the best way to go or are there other private health companies that you would recommend?""

What is the estimated insurance for this car?

2-Door Coupe 1989 BMW 6 Series Coupe 2D 635CS, costing $6,000 new 16 yr. old driver.15-20000 in coverage.""

Car Insurance Renewal?

Dear Mates I have been driving for a year,The car that I have got is Micra 1 litre. Just received a letter from my current Insurance Provider. Letter says that my car insurance is 1807 for this year, if I pays Monthly. Which is about 300 more than last year. Even this year, I have got 1 year No Claim Bonus. What you guys think, is that OK or is it too much on this car? How much do you pays at the moment? Many Thanks""

I was woundering what do you think is the cheapest auto insurance for first time liscence holders.?

I was woundering what do you think is the cheapest auto insurance for first time liscence holders.?

Where to find discount on car Insurance?

Hello, I am too tight to pay to car insurance companies, looking for chear auto insurance but ofcourse good company who can take care of my car, some discount on insurance policy will be welcome.""

Car insurance prices?

Approximatley how much is car insurance on a small engine car (1.1) for a 26year old female I know it will depend on area and no claims and named drivers, mileage etc, but just looking for a rough figure as I haven't got a clue""

What company will insure my toyota supra twin turbo?

In perth, wa. Youngest driver 19 years old""

How does paying for car insurance monthly work?

im thinking of taking out a policy with co-operative insurance. The cost is 2300 per year , but they want 700 up front and the rest to be payed in ten monthly installments. When would i start paying the monthly installments , would it be straight away?""

Im thinking about buying this car how much would the insurance and monthly bills cost me ?

i want to buy this car im just curius how much do you guys think the insurance would cost me and how much i would have to put down the 1st month and also how much i would probably have to pay off the loan every month ? i am 19 years old unemployed and have no credit history but my parents are gonna get me a car for christmas !:D yay here's the car http://www.mdcardealers.com/vehicle_listings.php?make=Chevrolet&range=2&model=Impala&year_opt=new&year=&x=112&y=14

Better insurance rates.?

I know there are couple factors like age, gender, and past record that fit in to determining your insurance rate, but i wanna know which gets a better rate? A new sport bike or used old sport bike?""

Why public opt for health insurance and not public opt for health auto insurance?

Just a random question. Auto insurance is required in most (if not all) states. Health insurance is not yet. They both cost about the same out of pocket. Just curious as to why people who support public option are not also complaining about the cost of mandatory liability.

What questions do car insurance agents ask?

We're thinking of changing insurance companies. I want to do some calling around for quotes. What kind of questions should I be prepared to answer, aside from what model/yr of the vehicle, my age, etc.""

Car Insurance quotes - when you get an online quote and it asks you?

how much your car is worth, do you quote the price you paid for it or its present price..? I ask because if you think about it you could have bought your car last year for 12, 000, and one year later it's worth 9,000. If you car is written off it isn't as ther inusrance company will pay out on the amount you paid for the car.. this happened to my brother and they only paid the value it was worth on the day of his crash which was considerably less....""

Car insurance with a provisional license?

i have a provisional license, i want to take my test in my car, if i insure myself on the car as a provisional holder. can anyone over 21 whos had a license long enough accompany me? or does the person accompanying me have to be named on the insurance as well? i.e the driving instructor""

What is the average cost of insurance for a restaurant?

a small new restaurant. orlando, fl area. 1400 sq ft. including general liability insurance? liquor liability? workers comp? just a guess or estimate anyone?""

What is the cheapest car Insurance ?

I own my car. What do I have to carry?

How much will a insurance company payout for whiplash and soft tissue injury?

I was invloved in a car accident where a person was texting and ran into the back of me on the highway going about 60MPH how much does a insurance company usually pay out for personal injury and should i use a lawer or settle by myself

Can i renew my geico auto insurance for just two months rather than six months?

my insurance expires in oct but i'm planning to sell my car by nov. so i don't want to pay for my 6 month renewal in oct. is there a way out? thanks for all suggestions.

How much is insurance for an 18 year old?

Who lives in Kentucky and wants to find a car that's cheap but will get him around without breaking down. Know what I mean? He has $2,100 out of college money to help pay until January. Then he gets more o.o So what do you think? What should my friend do?""

Anyone know any good cheap car insurance providers?

preferably direct rather than compare websites. cheers.

What is the Fannie Mae hazard insurance coverage minimum?

What is the Fannie Mae hazard insurance coverage minimum?

What are your insurance premiums monthly?

I am currently paying $54 a paycheck to cover my husband and myself. It would cost me $18 for myself only and $102 for family. We do not have any deductibles, only copays. Emergency room $125, urgent care $40, specialist $30, ob $15, and pcp $15. I have an epo from United. I am curious to know what other people are paying for health insurance.""

Car Insurance question reguarding the color of the car?

I wanted to know if buying a red or black car will make you car insurance go up? or will it make it higher? Im looking in to buying a red car and lots of people are tell me that if i buy a red car that my insurance will go up. Is this true? like what it the percentage of this? Can some one explain this theory to me?

Waht is the best motorcycle insurance provider for ontario?

i have a 1000cc irohead sportster 1984 and i live in ontario. i was wondering what the best insurance provider would be thanks!

I'm buying my first used car when I turn 18 next month. How much am I going to pay for insurance by myself?

I just want to know how much money I will have to pay each month for car insurance. The used car is about $5,000.""

Do health insurance companies think the average person is a moron?

I am having a tooth implant.  My insurance co. won't pay a nickel for it.  They say it is not a necessary procedure since there are alternatives even though I had to sign a statement with my dentist that included the clause 'I understand this is a necessary procedure in my case because alternatives could jeopardize the health of my entire tooth structure.'  Then I noticed my dental insurance pays for preventative oral cancer screening.  I asked their rep whether that was a necessary procedure since obviously it's not, since it's preventative.  The rep gave me some b.s. answer. Then I said, why don't you just admit you won't pay for the implant because it's expensive? The rep said"",I recommend you to try this internet site where you  can compare quotes from different companies:""

How much will my first car and the insurance come to roughly?

i can start driving lessons in January. How much, on average, would my first car cost? and how much on average would the insurance be? Also.. What would you advise for a girls first car? :) Leave your answers below please, Thanks!xx""

Forced placed auto insurance?

I'd been trying to have forced place insurance removed for quite a few months now, and after reading some stories here, see I'm not alone. I've always had full coverage insurance but since I switched carriers it was one thing after another ... Add them as lien holder -done, didn't receive notice from insurance company, didn't receive fax with notification, etc. .... Now, some months later, I'm in an accident and car may be totaled (not good news since the loan balance exceeds the cars worth). Am I correct in understanding that the lien holders forced insurance policy will relieve me of any difference in the balance, similar to if I had gap insurance?""

""I've just passed my driving test, anyone know any cheap insurance companies?""

I'm 17 and female, I own an 04 fiat punto. Does anyone know of some good insurance prices? Thanks""

Car insurance if I don't drive?

My mom is taking me off of her car insurance policy since I no longer own a car, don't have a job to get one or pay gas, and don't even live with her anymore. Yesterday I got my drivers license address changed to my current address which is with my boyfriend. Now his family is making a big deal about it saying that even if I'm not driving, it's illigal to have a licensed driver living in their house with no car insurance and that I have to be under insuarance. This dosnt make any sense to me. Is it even true or are they misinformed? Please help!!!""

What is the best dental insurance company to get for a low income individual?

I'm getting by on a min wage, part time job....However, we really need dental care. Does anybody know of a good company to look into?""

What would be Cheaper car insurance?

im 18 and just wondering, what would be cheaper on insurance in belleville ontario? car, a truck, or a suv??""

How can I get insurance for my kids?

Does anyone know of any affordable insurances out there? We are a family of 4 and my two kids dont qulifiy for Chips, or medicaid. Is there any advice anyone can give? My kids are little. 1 and 7. It really sucks because my husband and i work full time and arent bums and cant even get any insurance for our kids.But i wont even get started on all that!.""

Car insurance question?

My fiances insurance is OUTRAGEOUS on a truck he has liability only on ..due to his driving history. He's paying $300 a month (for liability ONLY now) ..my insurance on my car, for full coverage is not even a fraction of that a month, even though my cars value is at least $10,000 more than his. My question is can we put his truck in my name and I'll go to an insurance company and get liability only on and list myself as the only driver. We are expecting a baby and I'm sick of us throwing away that much money a month for CAR INSURANCE! Is this illegal? I mean if I'M the owner and I'VE insured it what can happen if he wrecks or something while driving it and is not listed on my policy? We live in Georgia if that's relevant!""

""Best car insurance, in your opinion?

I'm getting my car insured by myself for the first time and would appreciate any advice!!

I need an insurance quote!?

about how much would my insurance be for a 2005, 2 wheel drive, toyota tacoma, in are code 91773, southern california???""

I need Auto Insurance?

I'm in a dilemma! I need auto insurance to get my drivers license back but I don't own a car. I need a non-owners policy but I can't get coverage because theirs a car in the household. how can I get a policy?

Window tints ticket insurance rates?

does a nonmoving window tint ticket , affect my insurance rates if i pay if off and keep the tints on, here my problem i am under my parents insurance plan and my dad would not let me keep my tints if i keep getting pulled over for them. i have alot of money and i just want to keep paying for the tickets. money is not the problem, i just want to know if i pay the tickets off will it show on my insurance or anywhere else?""

Do you have health insurance?

if so, how much is it per month? how old are you? what kind of deducatbale do you have? feel free to answer also if you do not have insurance? also, do you support obamacare?""

Does your insurance go up after getting a speeding ticket?

I live in BC. Does your insurance go up after getting a ticket? (specifically a speeding ticket)

Effects of Bond Insurance?

What effect does bond insurance have on default probability and loss given default?

Whats the best car to get that's cheap on insurance?

i just passed my test (yippeeee) however only got a bit saved up whats the best cheapest to insure trying to get quotes so i know :) (im 24 by the way)

Can I get fire/theft only car insurance in UK?

I currently pay around 1200 per year insurance on my new car. Recent job change though mean I only use it maybe 3 or 4 times a month, and with one day comprehensive insurance available from dayinsure.com just 11, thought it might save me some money just to insure the car the days I use it... IF theft insurance is cheap enough. When not in use the car is in my garage so not going to cause any third party damage to anyone..""

Where can students get cheap car insurance from people who don't automatically make you out to be boy racers?

Where can students get cheap car insurance from people who don't automatically make you out to be boy racers?

How to convince parents to let me have auto insurance?

I've had my license for a little over three months now. However, I have no insurance, and therefore cannot drive (in California). Their reasoning is that I am an unsafe driver which I disagree with because I quite easily passed my driving test at the DMV and always think before I do anything when I drive. However, they seem firm on their decision... It's a bit frustrating having my license for so long but still being unable to drive. I'm tired of having to always ask friends for a ride or my parents; I just want a taste of independence. Of course, I'm not trying to be too arrogant or stubborn, I've respected my parent's decision, it's just bugging me a bit now haha. I offered to do a six-month plan instead of a year plan since I'm heading off to college in Septemberish. I'm about to turn 18 in a couple weeks also. Does anyone have any advice?""

Had a accident no insurance Also no my car?

Ok well as my question states. I was in a car accident and i have no way to pay for insurance. the other driver is fine we are just waiting for the report. The police did not ask me anything about my insurance. The other part of this is that this car s my ex car he was letting me use. So im wondering is he going to get in to trouble and what am i looking at? Hopefully someone expirenced can help thanks.

Is insure 24 ltd a legit company?

I recently was offered a job with this company out in the UK called insure 24 limited and don't know whether they are legit or a scam... I just need extra insight before i go any further - also they don't use a free subscription email address which is also another reason why i'm thinking they are real.

Drivers License and Car Insurance?

My friend had a friend of his drive his car when he was drinking because he didn't want an OMVI. His friend quit paying for car insurance but said he still has his drivers license. Is that possible? Also, my friend said he wasn't worried about an accident because my friend has insurance and he thinks that covers all drivers in his car with a drivers license. I feel that if he got in an accident, his insurance won't pay because he has a non-insured driver driving his car. He said I'm wrong. Who's right and who's wrong here????""

How much would the insurance be on a 1969 Camaro Z28 or a 1969 Dodge Charger?

I'm looking at buying a 1969 Camaro Z28 or a 1969 Dodge Charger. Would there be a difference in the insurance? I'm 17 but by the time I find my car I'll probably be around 18 or even 19 considering that the car may need some work. I live in Ontario and I want full coverage.

Where can students get cheap car insurance from people who don't automatically make you out to be boy racers?

Where can students get cheap car insurance from people who don't automatically make you out to be boy racers?

Is it a good idea to get earthquake insurance?

I live in San Francisco, California and I wonder if it's worthwhile to buy earthquake insurance? DOes anyone has any experience what to consider, and why they made the decision they did?""

Do health insurance companies think the average person is a moron?

I am having a tooth implant.  My insurance co. won't pay a nickel for it.  They say it is not a necessary procedure since there are alternatives even though I had to sign a statement with my dentist that included the clause 'I understand this is a necessary procedure in my case because alternatives could jeopardize the health of my entire tooth structure.'  Then I noticed my dental insurance pays for preventative oral cancer screening.  I asked their rep whether that was a necessary procedure since obviously it's not, since it's preventative.  The rep gave me some b.s. answer. Then I said, why don't you just admit you won't pay for the implant because it's expensive? The rep said"",I recommend you to try this internet site where you  can compare quotes from different companies:""

How much money insurance can offer my car severely damage in accident 1999 Mitsubishi diamante 132000 mileage?

some one hit in front while i was waiting to traffic pass , i have aaa and they have state farm insurance.""

Average time before a vehicle is ready for sale on IAAI (Insurance Auto Auctions Inc.)?

I've been waiting for this truck to be put up for sale FOREVER. I know IAAI has to receive the title from the insurance company before the can put the truck up for sale but its been like 3 months. Trucks that are completely wrecked that are put up after this truck sell first, but this truck has no damage so i dont know why its taking forever. I know it takes insurance companys forever to do paperwork but 3 months!? if you know the average time for vehicles on IAAI or any other salvage auto auctions it would be great. Til then, the wait continues""

Sue other persons car insurance company!

I was hit from the back while sitting in traffic and the insurance company did not pay to fix my car. how would i go about suing that insurance company and what do i need?

If my camera is in my car and it is stolen will my auto insurance cover it?

If my camera is in my car and it is stolen will my auto insurance cover it?

How much is car insurance for an inexperienced first year driver 18 years old in North Carolina?

Like can I get estimates from each company. I've never had a license and my family refuses to pay for my car insurance...so I have to pay it...

""I live in California. and need cheaper auto insurance, and have 2 dmv points. Any ideas?""

I live in California. and need cheaper auto insurance, and have 2 dmv points. Any ideas?""

What happens when your employment insurance ends?

i am receiving regular benefits at the moment because i got laid-off but i want to know what happens when it ends..can i still apply for another one since i submitted only one record of employment to service Ontario but i have records of employment from my previous work can i use that one to claim another?

Switching health insurance while pregnant--bad idea?

Hi, I am insured under a program called Healthy New York, which provides affordable health insurance for low income workers. I am pregnant and my OB GYN dropped my insurance. I am allowed to change provider and remain under the same program, and according to Healthy NY, pregnancy is not a preexisting condition if the insured is a sole proprietor , which I am. I also called Blue Cross Blue Shield, the new insurance, and they claim my pregnancy would be covered. Somehow I still am afraid there is some hidden problem. Any insights, personal experiences? Thank you, Anja""

What is the cheaptest car insurance company in Maryland.?

I am living in college park md, i am a college student who recently got my driver license, which car insurance company is the cheapest in Maryland.""

What is the cheapest car insurance?

i have a 2005 mazada 6, and im just looking fot the cheapest car insurance in pa. dose anyone know of any?""

New car insurance when to get it?

Bought a 2010 Toyota corolla s at rusty Eck ford my grandpa consigned for me and they took a copy of he's insurance to let me drive the car home on 60 day tag plates. Am I supposed to put the insurance right away or after the 60 day tags are over ? I'm in Wichita ks

Will this effect my car insurance?

I got pulled over and ticketed for an outdated inspection sticker and a light being out. I've been ticketed before, but the ticket was thrown out in court. I was wondering if this will effect my car insurance at all. I live in Massachusetts. I think it counts as a moving violation but i think they let you off on your first offence.""

Ohio moped insurance?

im 14 i have a 1980 puch moped i wanna now the cost per year

Insurance for 19 year old male?

I drive a 1996 mercedes c220 and need insurance soon!!! Wondering how much I'd be looking at monthly

Is it realistic to think that my motorcycle insurance yearly premium will be less than $2000?

I am a 20 year old male in Southern California. I have had a drivers license for just over 2 years (no accidents), will be taking a Motorcycle Safety class right before getting my license, have decent credit, and will be financing a used motorcycle ($5000 or less and have between 500 and 900 cc because I am a very big guy). I know it will vary a lot but is it crazy to think that I will be paying less than $2000 per year for my insurance?""

About how much do you think my car insurance will cost?

my parents just switched to liberty mutual, I have a car, a blue 99 manual chevy cavalier and I'm 18. I'm trying to figure out how much money from my job I need to save up before I get my license, because I have to pay my own insurance and I've had my permit for a year and a half because I couldn't find a job until last month. I just want a guesstimate please!""

Can i drive a van on a car insurance policy?

can i drive a van on a car insurance . or is up to the insurance underwriters my friend had he s van seized by the police be cos it cam up as having no insurance on the M I B database aa he wos using he s car insurance to drive the van on the highway . or is it up to the insurance company if there allow you to drive a van on a car insurance policy. that is not for the van you are using at the time ?

Can anybody Reccomend a good online insurance company for a Cagiva Mito 125?

I have been looking around for a low insurance rate for my Cagiva Mito 125 Motorbike, does any Mito owners know of a good insurer for that bike and how much did you pay?""

How much will my car insurance go up after this accident!?

How much will my car insurance go up after this accident!? So, I did something stupid. Pulling into a parking spot, I accidently scrapped against another car. I got out of my car and looked at the damage on the other car. Obviously a lot of my paint was on it (On the drivers side, back door) but it looked like under the paint there were just a few very minor scratches and scuffs. NO Dents at all. Of course, I waited outside until she came out. She was very nice. We exchanged insurance information. How much do you think this will cost me? I live in NYS who I guess has a 'no fault' policy. I am 22 and the car is under my moms name, the insurance under my dads, if that means anything.""

I am trying to find affordable heath insurance in CA?

I would also like some info on what the deductibles mean, etc.""

About how much would this increase your car insurance yearly in NJ?

In this case, it does not matter what type of car insurance you have or how much you make. Let's say you're a middle class family with 2 parents and one 17 year old son who drives on a provisional license. He just gained 8 points on his license. About how much will this increase your car insurance per year? And what are ways to lower it (if any)? Please answer thoroughly, and even add tips. Answers will definitely be appreciated.""

How does multiple car discount work on insurance? ?

Ok so I have an sr22 and my friend said I could add a car for a discount, so I added my moms car. I only have liability. So does my moms car have liability too? Sorry the insurance guy didn't explain it all that well.""

What is the average cost of mobile home insurance in California?

What is the average cost of mobile home insurance in California?

Car Insurance question about someone hitting my parked car?

Hi guys, well let me start with what happened first. I am a college student and so I live in an apartment and park my car next to a whole bunch of other cars. I parked my car in a completely empty spot with no cars at all, and I saw that it was completely fine. I didn't go out on Sunday, but the next day on Monday when I was about to leave for school I saw a big scratch/gash on the left side of my bumper about 25 inches x 20 inches. I do not know who and when it happened, so I called the police and tried to claim a police report but the police said he couldn't do anything because if I knew who hit it, he would be able to do something. But since I don't know who hit my car, he couldn't give me one. I also called my insurance company (State Farm) and told her what happened and the size and she told me that my deductable is $500 and they'll send out a representative to check out the damage. I didn't give her the green light yet but what should I do? The scratch is bad because I have a black car and you could see white scratches from far away. I mean, if my damage is less than $500, I'm going to have to pay my insurance too right? Will this also increase my insurance too? I'm already broke as is because of school and I don't want to have to pay more for something I didn't do.""

""Who are the best car rental company, insurance wise and cost etc London?""

there are so many to choose from, terms conditions insurance etc anyone use them a lot and know the best to use""

Do health insurance companies think the average person is a moron?

I am having a tooth implant.  My insurance co. won't pay a nickel for it.  They say it is not a necessary procedure since there are alternatives even though I had to sign a statement with my dentist that included the clause 'I understand this is a necessary procedure in my case because alternatives could jeopardize the health of my entire tooth structure.'  Then I noticed my dental insurance pays for preventative oral cancer screening.  I asked their rep whether that was a necessary procedure since obviously it's not, since it's preventative.  The rep gave me some b.s. answer. Then I said, why don't you just admit you won't pay for the implant because it's expensive? The rep said"",I recommend you to try this internet site where you  can compare quotes from different companies:""

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/cheapest-car-insurance-please-ethan-carpenter/"