#no mortifying ordeal of being known for me someone looks at me and says one accurate thing about me and im euphoric for days

[imaginarypasta]

insane that people who have known me less than a month in my friend group w/i my year have a better grasp on who i am as a person than people who have known me for years

[totopopopo]

genuinely not quite sure why i am so deeply uncomfortable when it comes to telling ppl abt my personal/romantic life. like i want them to know but i also don’t like admitting to anyone out loud that i have emotions, feelings, and/or relations resembling anything beyond superficial interest. i mean jesus. how cringe. they should just intuit it all psychically or something so they can know without me ever having to bring it up myself

[quatregats]

May I present for your consideration...Jack Aubrey but he’s the manager for mediocre non-league side Sophie FC

[anxious-lee]

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known || Hazbin Tickle Fic ||

A/N: this entire fic was inspired by that one scene where Al threatens Husk in ep 5. it broke my heart to see him so utterly petrified so I wrote this as a hurt/comfort for myself

Warnings: mentions of Alastor's control over Husk, slight NSFW language but it's not actually sexual I just didn't have any synonyms for what I meant lol

Word count: 2,466

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When you're an Overlord of Hell, you tend to get pretty comfortable with staying in control.

Because one wrong move can mean the end of the line.

Husk knew that better than most.

And even now, after all that power of his was lost, he still found himself more suited to calling the shots in whatever situation he found himself in. It was just easier that way. If he could remain on top of things, then nothing would go wrong. Mostly.

That feeling of security never lasted long, though, because sooner or later, he was reminded of the terrible choice he made long ago. That he gave away his autonomy to the most psychotic demon in hell.

The way he spoke to him. Like he was so small. And insignificant. Like he existed purely for the bastard's own amusement and nothing else. Any input given was condescended to, patronized, and dehumanized. It formed an ugly little pit in Husk's chest. How little control he had once Alastor stepped into the room. It scared him, in a way that so few things did.

At least he had someone else to talk to who knew how he felt.

Speaking of whom, Angel Dust strutted into the bedroom, sporting a fluffy silk robe.

"Hope I didn't make you wait too long~" he whined seductively.

"Not long at all," the other purred.

The two settled down together in bed, soaking in each other's embrace.

Tonight was all about them, huddled together in hell's moonlight.

Husk remained still as Angel shifted downward until his head fit under Husk's chin, knowing just where to go.

He loved to be pampered, that much was obvious.

It was peaceful for some time before Angel's eyes suddenly blinked open.

"Hey. How come you never want a turn at being the little spoon? I'm not unreasonable, I'm sure we could share," he said coyly.

Husk didn't quite know what to say to that. It wasn't something that needed to be spoken in words. Husk dominated, Angel submitted (in more ways than one). It seemed almost absurd to suggest that Husk would be the one being given affection.

"Nah, I'm good. You look pretty comfy down there, anyway."

Angel, however, wasn't satisfied with that answer. He pulled himself back to get a good look at the cat's face, cocking his own head curiously. Who wouldn't want to be on the receiving end? Even once? It couldn't be understated how warm and protected one could feel in the arms of another. And Husk didn't want that? Did he feel pressured to say that because he knew Angel liked to take that spot?

"Really? You THAT much of a top that you can't play second fiddle once?" said Angel.

"I'm just not a big... "softy-cuddles" kinda guy, as if you already couldn't tell," Husk admitted, gesturing to his overall gruff demeanor.

Angel studied his face.

"Not buying that for a second," he said, punctuating each word with a poke to the chest. "Come on, you're missing out!"

"That's sweet, babe, but I'm-"

"Just five minutes?" Angel pleaded, holding five fingers up in front of him, "Five minutes of me cuddling you for a change. If you decide you hate it, I won't bring it up again. I just... you're always taking care o' me. I want to give some of that back to you, ya'know? You deserve it."

Fuck.

How was he supposed to say no to those puppy eyes?

Besides, it couldn't hurt... right?

"Fine," Husk relented.

"Yay!" His boyfriend cheered.

They rearranged their positions; Husk now farther down the length of the bed and Angel wrapping all three pairs of arms around him like a furry burrito. His knees and head also tucked themselves inward to cradle the cat properly.

It still made Husk a little tense, letting someone handle him so willfully, but the touch was too nice to deny for very long. Thoughts of safety oozed into his brain as his body relaxed against the chest behind him.

"See? Now isn't this nice?" said Angel softly, barely above a whisper, "For a man who supposedly doesn't little-spoon, you've got the moves down pat."

"I'm not making any moves," Husk mumbled, smiling loudly in his voice.

"Well, you're relaxed, aren't ya?"

In a way.

Angel peered down at the bundle of fuzz, taking in how much shorter he was in comparison.

"Awww! I never noticed how cute you were from up here." His hand began petting the top of the kitty's head, smoothing down the hair.

And there was that feeling again. The one that couldn't let Husk enjoy a good thing while he had it. The fear of releasing control.

"I'm not a pet," he grumbled, having no control over the defensiveness in his voice.

Angel, ever oblivious, pressed on. "Oh, but you are to me~. My sweet little Husky~."

Finally, the camel's back broke under that straw.

"Just stop, okay?! I don't-" Husk took a much-needed breath, sitting up, "I know being treated like a toy is your thing, but it's not mine. I don't like being talked to like I'm a pet. Like all I am is your little dancing monkey." It dawned on him just how much of all that was directed at Alastor. The words sunk in like cement in a lake, and he turned his eyes away, unable to look at what he just ruined.

Angel blinked. All of sudden, the moment had soured, and he had no clue why. Was it something he said? Husk said he didn't want to be treated like a toy. Is that how he felt? Like he wasn't valued? That wasn't what he was trying to say at all! It was adoration! Not condescension.

"What...?" Angel breathed.

"Forget it. Just, I'm sorry-"

"No! No, don't apologize," Angel interrupted, choosing his next words carefully, "I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. It wasn't what I meant to say. I wasn't tryin' to say you were weak or small. I was... I was trying to tells you that I adore ya. You do so much for me and our friends. You look out for us, and protect us, and listen to our bullshit problems all the time.

"I think so highly of you, Husk. You don't take shit from no one, not even me. You're unafraid to speak your mind. You know how to keep your head when life gets messy. I got nothing but respect for you. That's why I wanted to do all this. That's why I want to pamper you with love and shit. Because you're always so strong, and I wanted to... I don't know... give you the space where you didn't have to be strong. Not with me."

A heavy silence fell over the room.

Husk couldn't find the words even if he tried. He had never heard such meaningful things spoken about him. Him, the grouchy barfly. How could he possibly come back from such a beautiful declaration? Especially now with how foolish he felt. It had never occurred to him that accepting affection was an act of good, and not an admission of weakness. That someone could be trusted to hold him in their hands and lift him up rather than drag him down.

Angel could never be Alastor. This was not a hostage situation.

This was a security.

One that he felt that he needed in this moment more than ever.

"Fuck... I'm sorry. I messed up everything and spoiled the mood. I'm still not very good at this whole intimacy stuff," Husk sighed.

"I know, and it's okay. I can teach you," Angel cupped his hand around Husk's cheek.

Husk leaned into the touch. "And uh... thanks. For what you said."

"I meant it."

What did Husk do on Earth to deserve such an Angel?

"Look, if uh. Ahem. If you still wanted to... to do what you were doing before... you know, I won't fight you," Husk stammered, falling quieter with each word.

If that's the only means of permission that Angel can get right now, then he'll take it. He gently eased Husk onto his back once more.

"Good. 'Cause I still have lots more love to give you, sweetcheeks." Angel's iconic smile returned.

Even though Husk basically just admitted he wanted Angel to keep going, his praises were beginning to fluster him. The corners of his lips started to rise, and the only defense he had against them was to turn his face away from the man in front of him.

"You like it when I talk to you like that, huh, baby? Do you hear in my voice how much I'm crazy about you? How I'd do anything for ya? Cause I would~. There's nothing that you don't deserve," Angel said, scratching oh so lightly beneath Husk's chin.

Husk squeezed his eyes shut as he surrendered to his smile and tried to crush Angel's hand with his neck.

"It's true~. Because you're just the cutest little thing alive! Er, unalive, so to speak," the spider said, feeling encouraged by this reaction, and bringing another hand to scritch in the middle of his side.

Before he could stop it, a giggle escaped from Husk's mouth. Mortified, he then clamped his jaw shut, holding any more upcoming laughs in.

"You don't have to pretend for me, baby. It's just us here," said Angel, now bringing all three sets of arms into the mix. One pair was tracing his sides, another scritching either sides of his neck, and the last drumming their fingers torturously over his belly.

The giggles rose back up again, and this time shutting his mouth wasn't keeping them at bay. If he weren't so stubborn, he might've given in by now. But it was just too embarrassing.

Husk clapped his paws over his mouth, and while it did (partially) succeed in quieting his laughter, it didn't do anything to remedy the tickly sensations now all over his torso. He twitched and quivered under the touch, but with Angel hovering over him, it didn't leave much room for reprieve.

"This looks like it really tickles. I'm sure you'd feel better if you let all those laugh out!" Angel encouraged, "Pleeeeeease? For me? For yourself?"

Still, he didn't budge.

"Okay. I didn't wanna have to do this, but you've left me with no otha' options." Angel took one hand that was scratching his chin and took both of Husk's paws in it, holding them above the cat's head.

The effect was gradual.

At first, you couldn't hear a peep. Then, over a matter of seconds, Husk's giggles began to bubble up once more, fighting their way to the surface, and tickling him from the inside out.

It was over. Before long, there was nothing between the loving attacker and the melodic sound he adored so much. It started out deeper and huskier, much like his normal speaking voice, but with each passing moment, it grew higher in pitch; the kind of laugh he reserved only for his softer moments with Angel.

The spider took this as a sign to continue and deepened the pressure of all of his appendages, digging into the jittery muscles.

Husk couldn't even recognize himself anymore. He sounded nothing like the bitter old drunk he normally was. In its place, was a goofy little lovesick fool who laughed like no one in the world could hear him. He guffawed and chortled and cackled with reckless abandon.

"There it itihis! There's that gorgeous laughter!" Said Angel. "For a moment there, I thought you was bout to explode!"

The compliment somehow made everything worse. The helplessness of the situation was still there, the feeling of being small, but it was... different. Like he was small enough to be held in someone's palm and protected from all harm. It felt safe.

Husk's cheeks began to burn red.

Hopefully, Angel would be too distracted to notice.

"Aw baaabe! Are you blushin'?!"

Fuck.

As if on cue, his cheeks burned brighter.

"Am I making you feel flustered~? Does it make it tickle more?"

"WOHOHOULD YOU SHUHUT UHUHUP?!"

"So it does. Hmm," Angel hummed as he started moving his hands faster and faster up and down his body. Up his sides, then down his sides, up his tummy, then down his tummy.

It was maddening.

It was tortuous.

It was wonderful.

If Heaven didn't feel like this, he didn't want it. If salvation didn't give him the same amount of relief and safety and joy that playing with his lover gave, then it wasn't worth it. He'd stay in this inferno of hell forever if it meant he could stay with Angel. Stay in this moment.

The demon in question kept on with his teases.

"Who's the cutest little thing~?" Angel cooed as he noticed Husk jump when he touched the lowest portion of his belly, "Ohoho, looks like someone's ticklish! Coochie coochie coooo~!"

Just when Husk thought he couldn't laugh any harder, he did.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FUHUHUCKING PRIHIHICK HAHAHA!" Husk snorted.

"Oho my gosh! You sound just like Fat Nuggets!" Angel chortled.

Husk's laughter was beginning to go silent, and started getting wheezier. This, Angel knew, meant it was time to stop.

"Alright, doll, I think you've had enough," Angel said as he released his prisoner.

As the spider removed his hands from his body, Husk started panting and giggling hysterically, still feeling the phantom sensations on his skin.

"Need some help there?" Angel offered, moving his hands back towards the other's belly.

Husk curled away from his hands, "Dohohon't!"

"I'm not gonna tickle ya, I swear! I'm just gonna get the leftover tickles to go away. Okay?"

Husk nodded hesitantly and revealed his stomach to him.

Angel's hands met his fur, and although it did jump at first, the firm pressure and massaging motions rubbed away the remaining tickles, just like he said it would.

"Dahamn. That really works." Husk breathed.

"Right? Now do you feel better?"

"Yeah," Husk sat up as Angel gave him room, "You know, for such a compliant gentleman, you sure do know how to take charge."

Angel swiveled to Husk with his mouth agape. "I can be a boss when I wanna be!"

"Heh. Sure, power bottom."

Angel reached for Husk's right foot (or paw) and skittered one set of fingers over it.

"NonononONONOHOHO! I'M SORRY, I TAKE IT BACK! I tahahake it bahahack! Hehehehe!"

"Uh huh. That's what I thought," Angel stopped and huffed with a wink, nothing but kind love behind his eyes, "So. You ready for bed?"

"After all that laughing? Hell yes I am. I might even sleep through tomorrow." Husk said tiredly.

Angel chuckled, sidling up behind Husk and gently cacooning his arms around him again.

"This okay?"

Husk sighed.

"It's perfect."

-------

Wooh! That was a rollercoaster! 😅 Hope the people that wanted lee!husk enjoyed this fic 🫶

[writing-for-life]

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known

Or: Does Morpheus really have commitment issues?

[Bear with me, I’ll get to this panel 🤣]

I’ve read many times that Morpheus supposedly has commitment issues, and it always has me scratching my head a bit…

I personally rather think he is desperate to commit. He so badly craves a serious relationship that he is prone to rush into it and build it on wonky foundations, but he has certainly no commitment issues as we would commonly understand them.

Is it in his nature though to be truly seen and understood when he is [a] Dream? And can dreams ever last? These are the much more interesting questions in my view. Let’s have a look at the romantic relationships we know of…

Killalla: Walked out on him. That wasn’t his lack of commitment. If anything, he came on a bit strong while she was still assessing her feelings for him.

Alianora: He fully committed to her despite basically being bullied into it by Desire. And they were happy for “a goodly while”. For those in doubt: “Goodly” doesn’t mean “a bit”. It means “great, large, long.” And the fact that Alianora couldn’t go back to her own plane because she had stayed in the Dreaming too long corroborates that they were together for a long time. Probably longer than any human relationship ever lasts, because I doubt “a long time” means “a couple of years” for someone who is 12 billion years old.

And now I’ll sandwich the relationship we hardly know anything about between some random (?) panels to also make a point why I think it might sit here in the timeline…

Titania: Who knows. Sounded like an affair, and as if they both had no intention of committing. He was clearly very fond of her though, and I can never shake the feeling that we should look a bit deeper into AMND and find the parallels between Auberon, Titania (not hard, and they are pretty much pictured as estranged) and Bottom. There are many ways to get confused with a jackass, you know? 🤣 Plus, Bottom is the one who gets to play Pyramus in “Pyramus and Thisbe”. That’s the ultimate blueprint for “Romeo and Juliet”: Ill-fated love of catastrophic proportions, people are dead by the end of it. That’s why I often wondered if the affair with Titania was actually pre-Nada, and the inspiration for Shakespeare wasn’t random (it wasn’t random for The Tempest either). I mean, it wasn’t random anyway because it was a parting gift, but I also don’t think it was entirely random with regard to their relationship. Wild head-canon of course, but maybe not that wild (he also says that Wendel’s Mound was already a theatre before humans walked the earth, so there’s that)? And even if he wasn’t committed (we quite frankly don’t know if he intended to but she didn’t or couldn’t), she and the Fae meant enough to him to give them a play as a parting gift.

Nada: Killed herself after one night, but that wasn’t down to lack of commitment on his part. Again: If anything, he came on far too strong, wanted to be with her and was far too pushy about it.

Calliope: We don’t know how long they were together before they had Orpheus. Could have been a while, could have been only a shortish time. But even if we assumed they had him fairly quickly—they were still together when Orpheus, who was mortal, got married to Eurydice, so even if he got married young, we’re still talking something in the realm of +/- 20 years, and that’s the absolute low-ball-estimate. And while they had started to drift apart (considering what we know from Calliope), they were still on good terms and had no intention of splitting up until the whole Orpheus drama caused a rift they couldn’t mend. Again: That’s not someone who has commitment issues. It’s a relationship breaking down over hurt, stubbornness and grief.

Thessaly: Again, she was the one who left him and caused his dramatic interlude in the rain. Were they ill suited? Yes. Did she feel neglected and went into a strop over it? Yes. Did he not get that she felt neglected? Also yes, but that’s not lack of commitment. That’s his not getting that people aren’t mind readers (must be hard if you’re probably one yourself 🤣) and, by and large, need assurances of love. He doesn’t get that these women don’t understand they have his love; he can’t grasp that line of thinking because it is all so clear to him when he loves someone: They have him, what’s the issue? Is that a not so great way of (not) communicating when you’re having a relationship to someone? Absolutely. Is it a commitment issue though? Absolutely not.

I think Morpheus doesn’t really have commitment issues in romantic relationships—wouldn’t that almost be antithetical to his nature? Rules and responsibilities. Yeah, about that one…

What I do think is that he struggles with the mortifying ordeal of being (not) known by his lovers. Because how could he? He is Dream. That is his problem. Dreams cannot be fully known or understood. He is very eloquent but at the same time a very… confusing communicator. I don’t want to say “bad”, because I feel that’s not getting to the bottom of it. Again, it is the nature of dreams to be confusing and strange, open to (mis)interpretation, hard to grasp and understand. And they also stop being dreams once they become real. All of that is true and hence makes relationships both hard for him and those involved. Is he truly not willing to commit though?

I still find that hard to believe…

[buddierecs]

break up/make up buddie fics

this list has different rated fics, so please look at the rating (no explicit tho) make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

let the golden hour wash through the room by: hattalove "in which there is a breakup, a doorway, and four years of building a life." word count: 2k rating: teen and up audiences important tags: post-break up, getting back together, ex-lovers after the fire, after all the rain by: wenttoafortuneteller "two weeks after eddie breaks up with buck, a storm traps the two of them together." word count: 5.6k rating: teen and up important tags: post-break up, angst, the mortifying ordeal of being known, getting back together i'll feel you forget me like i used to feel you breathe

by: turningthepages

"just another hollywood amnesia story the fandom probably didn't need but lived in my head rent free for too long." word count: 128k rating: mature important tags: married!buddie, car accidents, hurt/comfort, family feels, insecure!evan buckley, future fic in the cracks of lights (i dreamed of you) by: cuddlyobrien "a month after buck breaks up with eddie, he’s trapped underneath rubble with a life threatening injury and asking to speak to eddie over the radio." word count: 4k rating: mature important tags: near death experiences, post-break up, dispatcher!eddie diaz when it comes back to you by: giselleslash "the one where eddie and buck meet when they work together on eddie’s uncle’s ranch, and again when eddie walks into the 118 eight years later." word count: 21k rating: mature important tags: different first meeting au, first love, internalised homophobia, emotional hurt/comfort, soft!buddie, boys in love, past and present timelines all these broken hearts, but mine's the one bleeding by: smilingbuckley "buck figures out a new step-parent struggle when he has to discipline christopher, and the boy tells him buck isn't his father. this causes buck to spiral, thinking christopher disagrees with buck being his step-parent, so he breaks up with eddie even though he's madly in love with him. what he doesn't realize is that chris is becoming a teenager, and teenagers say stupid shit like that when they're angry at their parents." word count: 5k rating: mature important tags: miscommunication, emotional hurt/comfort, fighting, step parenting freedom ain't nothing but missing you by: justhockey "it was a gentle love, so warm that buck couldn’t ever fully believe that he deserved it. so he had to go and ruin it, because that’s all buck is good for, all he knows how to do." word count: 4.7k rating: not rated important tags: insecure!evan buckley, protective!eddie diaz, emotional hurt/comfort, idiots in love i was getting kinda used to being someone you loved by: zashizawa "eddie and buck break up and find their way back to each other." word count: 2.7k rating: not rated important tags: angst, hurt/comfort, hurt!eddie diaz, crying, getting back together my words are paper tigers by: hattalove "buck breaks up with eddie, even if it means losing a part of himself, because it's the right thing to do. the universe decides to test that conviction." word count: 19k rating: teen and up important tags: time loop, pining, angst, temporary character death, emotional hurt/comfort, happy ending home by: bccalling "nine weeks after he and eddie ended things, buck finds the ring. post break-up au." word count: 2.8k rating: teen and up important tags: post-break up, angst with happy ending, TW: suicidal thoughts, self-hatred

waiting room (two part fic) by: goforeddie "buck and eddie break up, buck and eddie make up" word count: 2.8k rating: general audiences important tags: emotional hurt, boys in love, angst, pining, getting back together without you by: orphan_account "a buddie sweet home alabama au" word count: 43k rating: mature important tags: exes to lovers, married buddie, falling in love again, jealous!evan buckley, hurt/comfort, getting back together

[flores-desyatov]

hi i've been in my feels a little bit since vanya posted the family pics and i just need to share it with someone. i am very much following all the competition updates and polls and rankings and techical elements and sport mumbo jumbo, but that's not what i'm in the mood to talk about. i need to rant about mushy emotional things.

i don't know, i just feel like this partnership/friendship/whatevership that b&v have has helped them so much in growing into good grown people and we're still only at the start of it. i can see it in vanya specifically. over the course of this last year he's becoming softer and more relaxed in his own skin and his new life. you can tell that this place bella lead him to has allowed him to be more carefree than he was before. which is especially important considering he lost his parents so young and had to leave his home to escape war. all people he knew before coming to the us, sadly including his brother, he has to chase around the world to actually be with them in real life. places he considered important to him he won't be able to see for years. i can't imagine not being able to see my family home or visit my family cemetary. those are very emotionally difficult things to deal with at such a young age and of course i'm just a spectator on the internet, but i feel like this place he managed to find half way across the world is safe and caring. and he found it by meeting the world's sweetest girl. a girl that believes in herself in spite of the odds and loves people very openly. she is fucking lightning in a bottle and her smile could power cities!!! people like that are rare to find and that girl is his partner. her energy and light make it so easy to forget how hard life can be. it's such an admirable quality of character. it's why people connect to her and her videos, she's welcoming and she radiates warmth and joy. she spreads it wherever she goes. i just find all of that so very moving. there's something so vulnerable and human in their circumstances. because if you really dissect it, them becoming partners saved her career and his life. they found each other by chance, managed to understand each other beyond language barriers and chose to do this thing they love more than anything else together. he repaired the trust her ex-partner broke. he never lets her doubt herself and always tries to catch her when she falls. she gives him peace and space to be childish and silly, even if it's at her expense. again i'm just a spectator, but i think he makes her bolder and she makes him softer. whatever they may be to each other, there's no doubt that they truly enjoy one another. i think that's the exact thing people get so attached to beyond the whole will-they-won't-they booktok fantasy. they make each other grow and you can feel it!!

sorry for waxing poetic about random athletes we found on the internet hahaha. there's just something very "mortifying ordeal of being known" about them, you know? kinda makes me slightly believe that the right circumstances will just find you when you least expect them.

My first instinct was to kinda deflect and say they're in their 'character development era' but honestly this is just such a beautiful message you sent here. I just wanna let it see the light of day (hope you don't mind) because I'm sure others have felt the same about B&V. I know I have.

It's part of what makes their chemistry to interesting to watch. Here are two people who have found themselves in the same place (for a second time), both of them with a dream of success, both of them going through a big change, adjusting to a new reality and still managing to make each other better people in the process. It's a beautiful story, even from the outside looking in 🤍

[pebblume]

I never realized how liberating writing fanfiction would be. I hadn’t written creatively in years. It’s been so long that I kind of forgot what it felt like. The childlike rush of pouring your heart out onto a blank page, not caring about the results as long as you were having fun. I’ve tried writing fanfic a couple of times, for different fandoms across the years, but never finished anything I was really happy with, nothing that I felt comfortable sharing with the world. But something just clicked for me this past week. I realized how much fun it was to stretch out my writing muscles, to get inside the heads of my favorite characters. I realized that it didn’t have to be perfect to be worthy of being shared and loved by others. I realized that I had so many stories inside myself - more than I thought possible. 

But perhaps what I’m most in awe of is fanfic readers. The people who read my work and leave kudos and bookmarks and comments - one word comments, sweet comments, silly comments, paragraph-long comments. I love them all. I used to be afraid of leaving comments on AO3, afraid I wouldn’t have enough words, wouldn’t have the right words, to depict how I felt. But when I felt firsthand how much those comments meant to me I started leaving more and more of them, spreading a digital paper trail of love to all my favorite authors. More and more often I recognize the profile names and images in my comment section and think, Hey, I know you! Now I’m not just a guest on AO3, or a passive reader. I belong here. 

I won’t lie and say I don’t miss drawing a bit, my previous creative outlet. There are plenty of drawings inside me too, itching to be realized. I really just don’t have the time for two time extensive hobbies, not when I need to balance school and practicing and little things like sleeping and eating and relaxing. I miss it, but not as much as I thought I would. There’s a level of investment to sharing a story online that feels…special. When I post my art, I get engagement, and it feels nice, but ultimately, most people are only spending about ten seconds looking at the work I spent eight hours on, if that. When someone reads my fics, we’ve now spent time together. You’ve lived inside my head for a bit, made it your home. It’s about feeling seen, I think. Writing makes me feel understood in a way visual art sometimes doesn’t. It makes me feel vulnerable in the same way performing music does, but less exposed too. It’s interesting to me. 

The only downside, if you can call it that, is now that the writing bug has infected me, I’m finding it harder and harder to stop. I’ll have an idea and then suddenly five hours have flown by because I’m on a creative streak and I just want to write one more idea down, which turns into two, and so on and so forth. I dread stopping, because what if I forget something? What if I get into a writing block later? Suddenly I have people who want to read the things I write and I want to provide it, I really do, but I also have responsibilities. I say, as I write this, ignoring my audition tomorrow afternoon. 

I still have a bit of embarrassment attached to fandom works. When I tell acquaintances that I like to draw or write, I rarely tell them I mean fanart and fanfiction. As if loving something that deeply, that sincerely, is inherently shameful in this age of irony and soulless remakes. Especially when my interests usually consist of media marketed towards children, nevermind the fact that it has more emotional maturity than most ‘adult’ works. But I’m trying to get better about it. A lot of my closest friends know about my hobbies, and some I’ve even let see my work. It’s terrifying but also giddying, seeing them like an art post or comment on a fic. After all, to reap the rewards of being loved, one must submit themselves to the mortifying ordeal of being known, or something like that. 

I realized today that I’ve written over 30,000 words in the past two weeks about about two characters who don’t belong to me, but whom I’ve made my own.

And I’ve never felt happier

[vaguely-concerned]

Happy Grace/Pan Vibes For The Soul

"How can I, with you in the way?"/"(Laughs) The floor is yours!"

First of all I'm honestly just so charmed by how genuinely delighted Pan seems to be at watching Grace finding her voice and learning to enjoy using her power, I think that's where I started to take a shine to him. (also seems quite central to his character/romance in general because it's a thing that recurs through their relationship -- he tells her "I'm enjoying it if you're enjoying it" straight out at one point and that's definitely always there in the subtext). He buys a music studio for her just in case she ever wants to return to making music again even when she's not the muse anymore just because he loves her singing and has seen it make her happy before, how is that not the sweetest goddamn thing in the world??? Pan and Oracle in shared first place as stans for Grace musically

For real though, 'I Can Teach You' is sooo... even when you don't join forces with him Pan teaches Grace so many things in that song, it's a thematic tutorial as well as a gameplay one in many ways. For me I think the most impactful subtexts are 'This is a tricky situation, change is here and it's difficult, but you have more control and agency here than you think' ("You're in control!" "It's your song!"), and this sense that, y'know... there can be joy and playfulness and discovery in setting out into the unknown, not just fear and uncertainty.

dude... I wanna be in cahoots with & sing playful duets with you for the rest of my life bro (amorous intent)

Pros: Hell yeah look at her go! 🥰

Cons: Uh-oh look at her go! 😬

I love that Grace can bring Pan's motif into 'Challenging A Queen' and be called the fuck out by Persephone btw. why u keepin' your guard up girl uwu

'you gave up the only thing worth having -- for your little mortal friend' he says, giving up everything for his little once-again-mortal friend literally the next day fhsdkjfhsad who are you fooling buddy? not even yourself at this point surely??? (dialogue for if you save Freddie by giving up the eidolon)

my observations on the grace/pan dynamic across the different personality traits (yes I've done a run of each romancing him I am normal about it):

Clever!Grace: Pan seems to set out to be a trickster mentor of sorts, and Clever!Grace flips the uno reverse card on him and goes ‘Not if I trickster mentor you first bitch be honest about your feelings or perish challenge engage’. Probably the most birds of a feather combination (and indeed it’s the Blue version of the soundtrack that shows off his romance — also his tie and glasses are on the cover for that one :) ). 

Charming!Grace: Performative puppy dog eyes-off whenever either of them wants to get their way. 🥺4🥺. Pan is provably a soft touch from the Charming option to find Persephone before Challenging A Queen so I feel he probably tends to buckle faster but it’s a close thing. Local trickster god completely disarmed by someone being nice to him.

Kickass!Grace: “Be real with me or Imma kick your ass”/”Promise? ;)”/"...>:)"

I am always thinking about the way he steps up in The Trial when romanced (and the way it's the only one where Athena is genuinely shocked and appalled fhskadj). there is something about him that's like... he keeps protesting against 'innocent' and he's probably right haha, but there is certainly an almost fundamental lack of any active malice there that he doesn't fully admit to himself or to grace until this moment. he is doing this for grace, but it is also a confession about something really deep in himself that seems to be very vulnerable for him in its sincerity -- that he really doesn't mean to or more importantly want to cause harm (I don't wanna dance/with blood on my hands). admitting to his own basically good heart finally seems to be the bigger, scarier thing for him, more than facing the prospect of dying. he's experiencing the mortifying ordeal of being known and I for one am so proud of him

"I'm just here for the dance"

the way he sings that just to her and completely changes the meaning of it from what he said with it before, from using it to keep her out to inviting her in...

also can you imagine how badly the kill bill sirens must be going off in Grace's head in all variations of this scene no matter who steps up, considering what happened to Freddie just days before....... oof!

*incensed whisper* are you fucking kidding me with this what am I supposed to do with myself here

love these too

I really like the visual repeats of crossing the pond to the tree and back as a metaphor for them getting closer (or rather, him letting her closer, it is very much His Space). he retreats back there towards the end of 'Share This Dance', and that's the point where Grace puts her foot down and essentially says 'no. you come meet me honestly in the middle this time or this isn't happening'. and in 'The Trial' he does and then some!

I meant what I sang. I'm not a good man. If Athena had taken me up on my offer, the Idols would have been better off But I can try to be better. You make me want to try.

fun fact: if you break up with him after The Trial (YEAH you can still break off the romances at that point! it's wild honestly fsjadk), Grace tells him he should try to be better ‘for himself’ not for her... and he calls that (i.e. himself) ‘not much of an incentive’. My guy don’t make me break out the ‘Have you tried therapy’ prompt again. He takes it very calmly and gracefully under the circumstances but he's also like. quietly resigned and subdued. I tried it once for Science and never will again but there you go I bring my knowledge to this altar of sadness lol

you see the thing is I would forgive him for just about anything too I understand why so many of the characters in-game can't stay mad at him for any length of time

he starts the game by asking her to take his hand and he ends it on asking her to take his hand (and she does)...

:') let's share this dance

[steddieunderdogfics]

Highly recommend this for challenge monday, a fic with 5/5 chapters: Foreswear Him of my Sight by Writer_Maxtli

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/44673295/chapters/112392913)

I really enjoyed it and I hope others will too!

Foreswear Him of my Sight by Writer_Maxtli

Rating: Teen and Up

10,165 words, 6/6 chapters

Archive Warning: No Warnings

Tags: Slow Burn, Romance, The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Eddie Munson Lives, Fix-It of Sorts, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Good Babysitter Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson Needs a Hug, Eddie Munson Has a Crush on Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson Has PTSD

Summary:

I see that ugliness inside of you, Eddie Munson, and it doesn’t scare me. He wanted someone to say those words. That he wanted that someone to be Steve was something else entirely, but he’d settle for anyone at all. Steve looked at him. "One day you’re going to look at yourself in the mirror and be happy you lived, Eddie.”

Thanks for the rec!

Know a fic that deserves extra love? Submit through our asks!

[herotome]

Devlog #123

Hi-ho, Wudge here.

So... it's out! If you somehow haven't heard despite my modest-yet-incessant marketing efforts, Herotome's Super Demo is now out on itch.io!

People seem to really enjoy the game. My notifications are blowing up. Everything seems to be going really well - it's all coming up Wudge, one might say!

Which means it's time to talk about 𝓜𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓵 𝓘𝓵𝓵𝓷𝓮𝓼𝓼.~

Y'all weren't expecting that one, were ya? Boom, baby! Haha!!!

So, let me know if this sounds familiar: I spend most of my waking moments worrying that something bad is going to happen. I'm perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Thank you to @hummingbird-games for reminding me that idiom exists, and taking it in good humor when I excitedly babbled that "YES! It's like there's this giant centipede with shoes in my ceiling and I'm convinced I hear him walking around and someday, someday he's gonna throw all his shoes at me like that one guy did to George Bush--!"

...I'm worried that someone is going to find a reason to be rightfully angry with me. I'm worried that, through the mortifying ordeal of being known, I will be punished with the harrowing gauntlet of rejection and misery. I worry that, any day now, I'm going to get a random half-thought-out message that obliterates my heart into smithereens and kills me on the spot. I am a sea slug, cautiously edging a tendril into the light and praying not to be noticed by the eldritch fish above that will devour me in a single gulp.

I find myself flinching even when there isn't a blow coming.

Putting out a piece of yourself for the public to consume is really fucking terrifying. I did it anyway, which is cool of me, but I want to make it known that there is not eternal bliss and satisfaction and rose petals on the other side. Is this better than my cave of solitude and darkness I emerged from? I think so. But I'm still perpetually scared, as Toby Fox might once have described it, "like a small dog startled by a thunder storm."

I'm still really tired, too.

I don't write this to complain; I'm conscious that some people are now looking up to me and the way I do things, and I want to be transparent. I don't want anyone to think I'm perfect or have always been perfect and will always be perfect, or that I've ~found happiness~.

I'm not. I have never been. I will never be. I haven't.

But I'm okay, at least. I'm okay and I'll be okay, and I'm grateful to you all. Every single one of you. Thank you for not submitting me to the harrowing gauntlet of rejection and misery…yet.  :^)

Alright what's the takeaway here. Uhm.

Be yourself! Follow your dreams! Never give up!!!

That's sincerely what I'm trying to do. It's a challenge every single day; I have to choose Herotome every single day (something something married to my own game blah blah blah). It is worth it. And I believe in you - assuming you're not a cannibal or a murder or, worst of all, a plagiarist (gasp!) or anything else terrible and bad - I believe in you. (… But honestly, I'd believe in you if you were a bad person too, I'd believe in you to continue to do bad things but I'd hope that you'll stop and turn yourself in to the proper authorities lmao…)

… I went on a weird tangent again…

I don’t know if any of this is making sense. Maybe it will be insightful to someone out there, maybe it won't.

I uh, did some writing for the next part of the game, and I plan on working on some character expressions today in honor of my Ko-Fi donators.

Oh, and there's gonna be a stream on Wednesday 10pm Pacific. I'll be there! Come say hi and please don't squish me!

… Yeah that's all I can think of writing for now. I absolutely wish you all the best with every speck of love I have in my current flesh prison.

Tata for now. Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

[sixpossumsinatrenchcoat]

Memories of Defeat (part 2 of 3)

Siffrin self-destructs. The party phones a friend. (You can start from ch 1 here.)

“Hmmm…" The star strokes their shattered-glass chin. "I’m not sure it’s my place to tell you. Haha, just kidding!! Siffrin’s business is my business! They’re my special little guy!’ Isabeau turns pale. “Y-You and Sif…” “Mm~hmmmm?” “Are you—um. Were you two—” “—lovers?” the star gasps, clutching their pearls. “Are you asking if my sweet little Stardust and I have been carrying on a secret affair, right under your noses? Holding hands and stealing glances and, and… braiding each other’s hair under the stars?” They take one look at Isabeau and burst out laughing. “Oh, don’t look like that. I'm only teasing. I don’t even have hair! And Siffrin isn’t fit to be anyone’s lover. They’re more like my… hamster? My helpless little guy! I want to put him in a tank and feed them sunflower seeds! But he’s much too messed-up to date. I do have some standards.” Isabeau bristles. “Sif’s not messed up.” “Aw!” the stranger coos. “Even after all that stuff they said, you’re still so quick to leap to his defense! I guess it’s true what they say… Love sure makes you pathetic!” (“No one says that.”)

[spoiler warning for the entire game. i'm kinda beating a dead horse here but i don't intend to stop till i've reduced that horse to a mangled heap of pulp & powdered bone, so let me just say for the thousandth time this week: please please PLEASE go play In Stars And Time.]

There’s something— Someone? Someone impossible waiting under the Favor Tree. They’re mostly humanoid (or at least human-ish), with two arms and two legs in all the usual places. But where their face should be, there's only light. A shatter of blinding white, like catching sunlight in a shard of glass.

When they notice Isa and the others coming up the path, the impossible stranger’s face lights up. Literally. It’s a break in the clouds, clearing the way for an eye-watering sear of daylight. Isabeau shades his eyes, but not before the afterimage of that shattered-mirror smile is burned into the inside of his eyelids. Ow. And also: what????

Still blinking the sunspots out of his eyes, Isa elbows Mirabelle. “That’s… That’s not the King, right?”

“Definitely not,” Madame Odile says firmly.

“She’s right,” Mira agrees. She looks worried, but, to be fair, she almost always does. “All firsthand accounts agree that the King is enormous. And he’s… human, still. Even after everything. I’m not sure what that, um, creature is, but it certainly doesn’t look human.”

“Gasp!!” the stranger shouts—like, they actually shout the word ‘gasp.’ “Excu~use me!! I’m right here, you know! With perfectly functional ears, probably!”

Isabeau sets his jaw. He doesn’t really have room for any more surprises. It’s barely 9 am and he’s already exhausted. Can you blame him? It’s finally time to fight the King, and Siffrin is gone.

Maybe they had a good reason. Maybe something came up that seemed more important than saving the entire country. Or maybe they used up all their fighting spirit going all scorched-earth on the whole party’s morale. Excavating Isabeau’s darkest fears and doubts and second-guesses and forging them into a sledgehammer to swing at him.

Of course Isabeau was hurt. He’s still hurt. Siffrin was being an asshole, apparently on purpose. But mostly he’s just… confused. Flattened and embarrassed and over-exposed. What’s that expression again? ‘The mortifying ordeal of being known’?

…Well. It was definitely crabbing mortifying.

The really messed-up thing was how different Sif felt. Like a stranger wearing someone else’s face. Siffrin said all that stuff and stormed off and left Isabeau wondering if he’d ever really known them at all. Did he even know anything about them? Where they came from; what they’d seen and done? No matter how hard he racked his brain, Siffrin’s story stayed a mystery. Like maybe the Sif that Isa knew had never existed at all.

Stop, Isabeau tells himself sternly. That’s obviously not helping. “So… what do we do?”

“You guys are being so lame!!!” Bonnie huffs impatiently. “I’m just gonna say hi!!!”

Before anyone can stop them, they’re already moving, so fast that they almost crash into the impossible stranger.

“Haha, hiii~!!” the stranger giggles, beaming down at them. “Hehe… This is a little awkward, isn’t it? It’s not exactly how I thought we’d meet. To be honest, I was sort of hoping to be introduced.”

“Oh,” Mira says delicately. “I’m. Um. Sorry to hear that?”

“What the crab are you?” Bonnie demands, less delicately.

For just a second, the stranger seems to flinch. But they recover so quickly that Isabeau can’t be sure that he saw it at all.

“Who, me?” The radiant stranger bats their half-moon eyes. “Ohh, no one, really! Just a… sort of a… friend of a friend, I suppose. Which is, haha, sort of what brings me here today! Because our mutual friend is… not doing very well.”

Isabeau’s stomach twists. “You’re talking about Sif.”

“Ahh, little Sif! Yes! Love the nickname; very cute, if a bit lacking in originality. But yes, you got it in one! He’s the one who’s, ah… well… you know. Sort of… blowing themself up. So to speak.”

“How do you know Sif?” Isabeau can tell that he’s talking too loud but, in his defense, it’s been a very stressful 24 hours. “If you’re his friend, why haven’t we heard of you?”

“You mean they never mentioned me?” the stranger gasps, clutching their pearls. They hold the pose for a beat before winking. “Teehee! I’m joking, of course. I know Siffrin doesn’t tell you anything.”

Isabeau is not an angry person. He's so not an angry person that it takes him a second to recognize the feeling. But it’s undeniable. Deep down in his guts, he wants to smash this thing to glitter.

He takes a breath, lets it out. “…What is Sif to you?”

“Oh.” The impossible stranger blinks. “Huh. You know, I have no idea how to answer that.”

“You could try the truth?”

“Ohh, but that would be far too easy, wouldn’t it? Why, that’d be no fun at all! Besides, I’m not sure it’s really any of your business, teehee!”

Isabeau doesn’t even notice his hand curling into a Rock sign until Odile grabs it and pries it open.

“Get ahold of yourself,” she snaps. “And stop—feeling so much. You're encouraging them. ”

“But they—”

“I’m very much aware of that, yes. And you,” rounding on the stranger. “What’s wrong with Siffrin? In ten words or less. Do not waste our time.”

“Well!” the glittering stranger giggles. “Ma’am yes ma’am, I’m sure! I suppose I'd better get straight to it!” They frown for a moment, considering, and then count the words off on their fingers. “‘Siffrin is looping in time.’ Ooh, that was only five! Only half of what you offered! Do I get a prize?”

“There’s no prize,” Odile says harshly.

Isabeau’s head is spinning. Looping in… “What do you mean, looping in time?”

“Ooh, I’d just love to explain! But alas,” flinging a wrist over their eyes, “I’m only permitted five more words! Unless… Do you know what? I think I can work with that. How about… ‘Years of the same two days.’ —Ohhh, nooo, that was six, wasn’t it? Stars, how embarrassing!! You’ll think I can’t even count!!!”

Isabeau’s eyes narrow. There’s that word again. Stars. The sparks of light in the black of night; the way they glitter and blink… The stranger’s shattered-glass face flickers in almost the exact same way.

“No more word limits,” Madame Odile says coldly. “Tell us what you know.”

###

“...‘Looping in time,’” Mirabelle says numbly. She’s said the same thing at least a dozen times already. Probably hoping that, if she says it enough, it’ll start to make sense. (Not that it seems very likely.)

“Mhm, yup! Just the same two days, over and over and over again till all the words have lost their meaning! One great big dissociative fugue!”

“You’re lying,” Isabeau growls. “Sif wouldn’t hide something like that.”

“Wouldn’t they?” the star asks slyly. “How well do you know them, really? Where are they from? Do they have any siblings? Pets? Pastimes? Past crimes? What sort of work did he do, before he started traveling?”

No one answers.

“Well?” Gesturing imperiously with one coal-black hand. “Go on, then! It’s not a rhetorical question—I'm really looking for an answer! Can you tell me anything about them that you didn’t see firsthand?”

There's a weighty silence.

“Ah,” the star says sympathetically. “I see. So you don’t really know anything about them at all. Almost as little as they know about themself, teehee!”

“Excuse me,” Madame Odile cuts in. “I’m sorry, but this is absurd. Are we really going to indulge this? One of the fundamental forces that govern our world, rewriting itself? No one’s ever proven that Time Craft is even possible. Any prospective wielder would be killed on the spot.”

“U-Um,” Mirabelle whispers. “Except for, um… well. The King, freezing Vaugaurde in time… Isn’t that arguably, sort-of Time Craft? And Siffrin has been sort of…”

“Callous?” the star suggests. “Ruthless? As conscientious as the average battering ram? So emotionally erratic as to appear utterly unrecognizable?”

Isabeau winces. Because… yeah. Yes. That pretty much sums it up.

The star frowns thoughtfully. “Hmm! I wonder what could have happened to make little Siffrin change so radically overnight! It’s almost as though they’d gone through a traumatic experience that no one else remembers! Like these past two days passed very, very differently for them than the rest of the world!”

…It is sort of like that, isn’t it.

Isabeau’s self-control snaps. “How???”

“Great question! I’d love to learn the answer someday!”

Ugh. Then… “How long?”

The star strokes their shattered-glass chin. “Hmmm… I’m not sure it’s my place to tell you. —Haha, just kidding!! Siffrin’s business is my business! They’re my special little guy!’

Isabeau turns pale. “Y-You and Sif…”

“Mm~hmmmm?”

“Are you—um. Were you two—”

“—lovers?” the stranger gasps, clutching their pearls. “Are you asking if my sweet little Stardust and I have been carrying on a secret affair, right under your noses? Holding hands and stealing glances and, and… braiding each other’s hair under the stars?” They take one look at Isabeau and burst out laughing. “Oh, don’t look like that. I'm only teasing. I don’t even have hair! And Siffrin isn’t fit to be anyone’s lover. They’re more like my… hamster? My helpless little guy! I want to put him in a tank and feed them sunflower seeds! But he’s much too messed-up to date. I do have some standards.”

Isabeau bristles. “Sif’s not messed up.”

“Aw!” the stranger coos. “Even after all that stuff they said, you’re still so quick to leap to his defense! I guess it’s true what they say… Love sure makes you pathetic!”

“No one says that,” Isa mutters.

“But sure, I’ll tell you! Who’s gonna stop me?” The star winks. “This is, hmm, maybe their… 123th loop? 133th? It’s hard to keep count, if I’m honest! Every time I take my eyes off him, he just keeps on dying! I mean, really! Even babies have some sense of self-preservation! At a certain point, it’s just sad!”

Isabeau feels his blood go cold. It’s just— If that were true, then Sif would have been lost in time for the better part of a year. That’s longer than Isa’s even known them.

He flinches when a hand lands on his shoulder. Madame Odile.

“Are you going to keep it together?” she demands. Her mouth is pressed flat, her eyes cold.

“U-Um!!!” Mirabelle squeaks, slipping between them. “I think what she means is, are you, um, okay?”

(“That is in no way what I meant.”)

“Yeah,” Isabeau tells them both. He’s going to keep it together. And he’ll probably even be okay. Just as soon as he wraps his mind around the fact that Siffrin may or may not have been locked in time prison for months.

A shout from around hip-height jolts him back into the present.

“You guys are being so dumb!!!!” Bonnie says hotly. “Who even cares how it works!! Who cares about stupid science?? Frin’s in there doing something stupid, again!! Trying to get himself hurt, again, for no reason!!! So can we just go and save them already???”

…Oh. Yeah. Bonnie’s right, aren’t they? Whatever this entity might be, it’s no coincidence that they finally deigned to show themself right after Siffrin pushed everyone away. Sif is in trouble. And this time, they’re all alone.

The glittering stranger quirks an eyebrow. “From the mouths of babes, am I right?”

“I’m not a baby!!!!” Bonnie huffs. “I’m almost twelve!!!!”

“From the mouths of preteens,” the star concedes. “Well, then! By all means, let’s cut to the chase! Your Wanderer needs help. Whether you care to provide that help is, of course, another matter altogether.”

“Shut up,” Isabeau snarls. “You think we don’t care?”

“Well. They did do their level best to burn all their bridges, this time around.”

Mirabelle draws herself up to her full, extremely un-intimidating height. “And you think we’d turn our backs on a friend for something like that? They’re not going anywhere until I get an apology, thank you very much!!! Now are you going to help us or aren’t you?”

For just a second, the impossible stranger’s radiant face goes slack. Then their eyes crease, and their mouth curves up.

“Aw,” they say fondly. “Heroes. You’re all sooooo~ stupid. And!!” they add hastily, when the whole party opens their mouths to argue. “It’s just such a pleasure to, haha, uh, ‘meet’ you!! You can call me Loop, if you like. I’m a sort of friend of Siffrin’s. And of course, I’m here to help.”

###

The House is full of Siffrin’s ghosts. Remnants. Echoes of every time he’s ever died bloodily.

Odile flips a hidden switch and for just a second, Siffrin is standing in the center of the hall, smiling, holding out a thumbs up. And then with a terrible rumble of stone on stone, he’s crushed by a boulder the size of a city block. The clatter of falling rock is deafening, but not quite loud enough to drown out the wet crr–rrnch of splintering bone.

Isabeau looks down. There’s one small gloved hand poking out from under the stone. The index and middle fingers twitch and flick, like an ant that still hasn’t realized that it’s already cut in half.

—And then it’s gone. There's no blood on the floor. The boulder is only a boulder.

Deeper in, the halls throng with huge, oblong beads of floating water. The oilslick iridescence playing over the surface might be pretty, if it wasn’t so unsettling.

“I’d steer clear of that stuff, if I were you,” Loop’s voice suggests. “It could— Oh, never mind, my Stardust will show you.”

Sure enough, another phantom Siffrin is sauntering up to the Tear. They look over their shoulder and wink—(it’s a wink, not a blink; Isabeau can always tell)—before thrusting their arm inside. Their skin stiffens. Their stance hardens. The light drains from their eye—

—and they’re gone.

“Sooo, yeah!” Loop chirps. “That’s why we don’t do that.”

Isabeau watches Sif fall in a hundred ways. Crushed, fileted, asphyxiated. Mutilated. Obliterated. Siffrin smiles and smiles and dies. He winks and laughs and dies.

It’s not real, Isa reminds himself—except that it is. Or… was? If Loop is telling the truth, then Siffrin did die here, run through by the scythelike arm of the biggest Sadness that Isa’s ever seen. And here, with their own dagger buried to the hilt in their chest. Black blood trickling between his teeth as he tries his best to smile.

“Aww,” Loop’s voice says sympathetically. Apparently they can interject anytime, even though everyone else has to use the secret hand-sign. “I guess this explains why the poor little guy was so secretive! They knew how you’d react, if you learned the truth. I guess they really were protecting you, after all! I’ll have to apologize when we find them. Assuming they’re still, you know. Alive.”

Isabeau’s blood boils.

“Teehee! Aw, don’t worry! Not all of their deaths were so yucky! Most of them were quick and painless!”

“What does ‘most’ mean.”

“Ohhh, I don’t know… 60 or 70?”

“Percent?”

“Nope!”

…Right.

“But it couldn’t have been more than 30 that really hurt. Oh, unless you count… Hm. Do you know what? To be safe, I think we’d better make it 40.”

Isabeau’s head feels light. “Wh. What are the extra ten.”

“Oh! Well! That’s when they used the broken glass!”

“To do what.”

“Isabeau,” Odile says warningly.

“Well, to stab themself, of course! I remembered the times they used the knife, and when they got too impatient to finish off the King, but I forgot about the glass! As our mutual friend might say, I—teehee—I guess I ‘saw straight through it.’ You know, because it’s see-through? Oooh, we had such~ a big fight after that,” they add, dreamily. “I wouldn’t talk to them for a whole loop!”

Isabeau feels sick. He feels sick. He wants to throw up, but he’s pretty sure it’s not going to make him feel better.

“Aww!” Loop simpers. “Don’t worry, big guy!! They love you!!! All of you! Siffrin’s only trying to protect you! They’re just really, really, really-really bad at it.”

Isa doesn’t answer. He’s barely listening. He can’t seem to finish a thought, much less a sentence. They— Sif, they—

A small hand grabs hold of his and squeezes, hard. Mirabelle. Who else? She was always so much braver than the rest of them.

“We’ll talk to them soon,” she says firmly. “About—everything. And they’ll explain everything. And then—then we can decide how to feel. But there’s no use doing it now. We haven’t even saved them yet.”

“Belle’s right!!!” Bonnie shouts. “Stupid Loop is just messing with you, the same as Frin does! Except meaner! But maybe not meaner than yesterday because yesterday he was ackshly pretty mean!! But it’s okay, ‘cause people fight all the time, and then they make up and it’s fine! So stop being sad, stupid! You don’t even know what you’re spose to be sad about yet!!”

In spite of everything, a little giggle slips out of him. “Yeah. Y-Yeah! Sorry I, um… yeah.”

“Don’t be sorry!” Bonnie huffs. “Just don’t be stupid!!”

“Thanks, Bonbon. I’ll do my best.” He ruffles their hair fondly. “Good thing you’re so smart, huh?”

“I know!!!”

Isabeau darts a glance at Odile, who’s been worryingly quiet since they entered the House. “Um. Madame…?”

“Don’t distract me,” she snaps. “I’m trying to think.”

So that’s alright, then. All they have to do is save Sif, and everything will be okay.

###

When the party finally catches up, Siffrin is barely recognizable. It’s not just that he’s frozen in time: skin withered hard as tanned leather; his single eye matte-black as a chunk of rough-cut onyx. They’re also… shrunken. Diminished. Barely a shadow of their former self. They look half their normal size, which was already pretty crabbing small.

Isabeau can feel the fish heads curdle in his stomach. What could Sif have seen, to make them look like that? How long have they been trying and dying and fighting and dying alone, without anyone even seeing? Without anyone slowing down for long enough to notice?

…It doesn’t matter. This will be the last time. He’s going to make sure of it.

###

They beat the King, of course. There was never any other choice. (And also, Sif seems to have done an unsettlingly thorough job of kicking the snot out of him all by themself. By the time the rest of the party rolled up, they were really only picking up the pieces.)

The worst part is how confused Sif looks, when Mira wakes them up. How utterly, unconditionally floored. Like they were fully certain that their friends were just going to leave them to die. Sif opens his eye and stares at the others like he’s not sure they’re even real. Like he thinks they shouldn't have come at all.

Sif was always so excruciatingly expressive. It’s something Isa loves about them, normally. Now it means that he can see every emotion splashed stark across their face. Denial, disbelief. Roiling, sickening self-disgust.

They’re also in crabbing shambles. Sweat-slicked and feverish and knock-kneed as a colt. They take one step before their legs crumple like wet cardboard. Normally Isabeau is very careful about respecting Sif’s space, but he can’t just let them split their skull open on the cobblestone. He can’t stand the thought of them having to go through it all again.

...Sif really must be exhausted. When Isa slips an arm around their back and hoists them back onto their feet, they don’t even have the strength to pull away. They just sag against him, boneless.

Isabeau lets out his breath. They did it, didn’t they? They actually did it. The King is frozen in time, hoist on his own stupid crabbing petard. Sif is—alive, if not well. No one else has so much as a scratch on them. Which means that everything is fine, right? Everything is going to be okay. It’s finally, actually over.

###

But of course it isn't over.

you may have noticed that i’m not spending much time on any of the story beats that we got to see in-game! that’s bc i think this game is a fucking astounding feat of storytelling, and i just really don't have anything to add (at least when it comes to siffrin's arc). no sources of lingering dissatisfaction! no incongruence stuck in my craw! we already lived that shit in the first person!!! so i'll likely be skipping to postgame in ch 3. hopefully that makes sense & doesn't feel too anticlimactic! if u wanna know when I next update, feel free to subscribe to the series on ao3! https://archiveofourown.org/works/52448152/chapters/

[zukkaoru]

kunikida & nikolai + "me and this guy? we spooned last night."

yosano & fitzgerald + "is my integrity worth anything at all?"

dazai & poe + "promise me you'll think about the implications!"

ranpo & naomi + "hey, babygirl" *throws a piece of candy*

jouno & gin + "give me your gender"

fyolai + "i'm nobody's pawn, i'm a queen"

tehe i am SO helpfullllllll actually no for realsies i hope these help ilyyyy

oh boy okay let's go i hope you enjoy beloved ily <3

“Me and this guy?” Nikolai grins, goofily, and jabs his thumb in Kunikida’s direction. “We spooned last night.” Kunikida immediately flusters, his face going bright red. “WHAT?!” He demands. “We— That’s not— You—!” “Wow…” Dazai drawls as Kunikida continues flailing. His gaze flits back and forth between the two. Kunikida’s embarrassed stammering and Nikolai’s easy amusement. He doesn’t believe for a moment that Kunikida was casually cuddling with a literal terrorist, but it’s much funnier if he pretends he does. “I didn’t know Nikolai-kun was your type! Has he seen your list? Does he really meet all of your requirements?” Kunikida stops. Nikolai’s smug grin also dips into confusion. Dazai is about to have so much fun with this.

send me a sentence (+ a ship) and i'll write the next five sentences

(the rest are under the cut. we've got angst, silliness, chess sex if you squint really hard, and.. omg is that-- dazai and ranpo fake dating?!)

-

“Is my integrity worth anything at all?” Yosano demands. Despite the fire in her words and the unspoken threat wedged beneath them, Fitzgerald holds his confident posture. One leg crossed over the other, hands folded on his knee, meeting Yosano’s gaze head-on.

“We made a deal,” he states.

Yosano’s hands clench into fists at her side. “I will not use my ability like this,” she growls. “If it didn’t work the first few times, then I’m afraid there’s nothing more I can do. I refuse to fruitlessly bring someone to the brink of death so many times.” She doesn’t want to give up. Truly, she wanted to help Fitzgerald and revive Margaret, but she knows what so many repeated deaths does to someone. Even if it’s only near-death. Even if they remain unconscious.

She won’t do it.

She can’t. Not again.

-

“Promise me you’ll think about the implications!”

“Erm…” Slowly, Dazai peels Poe’s hands from where they were clutching at his shoulders. “Yeah,” he says slowly. “We’ve thought about it, I promise.”

“Have you though?” Poe challenges. “Have you really?”

They haven’t. Definitely not. But Dazai is not going to admit to Poe, of all people, that he and Ranpo decided to start fake-dating on a whim two weeks ago just to make their coworkers uncomfortable but now that the gossip has spread beyond the Agency and they’re having to face the mortifying ordeal of being known head-on, Dazai is sincerely starting to think maybe he should have considered the implications before agreeing to this.

So instead, he simply offers Poe a sympathetic smile. “I promise I’m being at least a mildly decent boyfriend to Ranpo-san. And, hey, they’re totally polyamorous so you might still have a chance!”

-

“Hey babygirl,” Naomi calls across the office. Ranpo looks up, opening his eyes just long enough to successfully catch the piece of candy she tosses at him. Once it’s secure in his hands, he snaps his eyes shut and grins.

“Thanks, babygirl,” he responds. He unwraps it and pops it into his mouth as Naomi giggles.

Over at his desk, Kunikida lets out a long-suffering sigh.

“Don’t worry, Kunikida-kun,” he calls over. “You’re still the ultimate babygirl!”

Naomi’s giggles erupt into gleeful cackling, and Ranpo grins. Someday, they’ll get Kunikida to crack and join in on their little game. But until then, they’ll simply continue playing with their fun coworkers. Like Naomi.

-

“Give me your gender.”

Gin and Jouno both freeze immediately, looking over at Tachihara (or, in Jouno’s case, simply turning their face towards him). As soon as he realizes they both have their full attention on him, his hesitant smile turns fearful.

“Me?” Gin signs “Or them?”

“Yes,” Tachihara says. And then, “No. I don’t know! I just wanted you two to stop fighting!”

Jouno frowns. “Tachihara-kun, I do not have a gender for you to take. You know this.”

Gin snorts, which only results in Jouno turning back towards them. They point an accusing finger. “I am not done with this argument! We will resume as soon as I’ve figured out what is wrong with Tachiahra-kun.”

Gin raises their hands in surrender, which they hope is a movement Jouno can hear.

To their left, Tachihara sighs.

-

“I’m nobody’s pawn!” Nikolai proclaims. He moves a piece across the chess board. “I’m a queen!” He folds his arms over his chest, grinning triumphantly.

Fyodor frowns. “Kolya…you can’t make that move.”

“Hah!?” Nikolai looks down at the board. “What do you mean? That’s the queen; I can move her anywhere!”

“No.” Fyodor sighs. He pinches the bridge of his nose and wonders why he even agreed to play chess with someone notorious for breaking every rule he comes across. “She cannot jump over other pieces. You jumped her over two pawns and a rook.”

“No I didn’t, ‘cause I zig-zagged her around them.”

“That’s not how chess works.”

“It’s how my chess works!”

Fyodor closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath. This is going to be…a very long night.

[adhd-pixie-nightmare-girl]

D20:FH Characters as Tumblr Text Posts

Kalvaxis: I'm so sick of being thwarted. I swear to you, my next plot shall not go comically awry. The Bad Kids: I'm not like other girls. I don't die when I'm killed./ Loneliness is so stupid let's do illegal things together instead/ This is how I win *loses*/ I don't think we can 'lmao' our way out of this one, girls. Fabien: Self-care is being evil when you want to, especially if it's revenge./ One day I'm gonna say, "fight me!" and someone's just gonna fucking deck me Kristen: The doctor just diagnosed me with kindness in my eyes that can't be put into words. Riz: it sure is fun being private and closed off but just once i would like to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known without it being such a mortifying fucking ordeal/ violence is always the answer because it's funny Riz to Biz: Bro unlearn your victim mentality already you're scaring the hoes Adaine: Imagine being able to handle things. that's wild/ Being intuitive is just like...i don't like this and no i will not elaborate Fig: Take me down to paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are (remembers that I'm playing at a gay bar on bear night) men Gorgug: In my defense, your honor, I really am the dumbest bitch alive/ You are small potatoes to me. And brother I'm about to start mashing Biz: putting "live laugh love" and "home" signs in my MURDER MAZE DUNGEON to make my MURDER MAZE VICTIMS feel more at ease Aelwyn: oh of COURSE "miss"demeanor and murd"her" are illegal. just admit that you hate to see women having fun Gilear: he's got that previously neglected shelter dog rizz. he looks like he wants to quietly sit next to you on the couch while you watch TV. he looks like he lets out a pathetic little sigh sometimes for no reason

[x-authorship-x]

"Did he smile at them" lmao Raido clearly acting like this isn't the first time something similar happened

Honestly I have so much fun with SQ2 because they all do outrageous shit but in specific flavours and it's so fun picking who would freak out over what!!!

Like Kakashi, in his ANBU era before he gets even more publically erratic, is extremely unfazed by anyone's outrageous behavior because 1) he does not care or know where the social line in the sand is and 2) he's not intervening even when it's specifically his circus, his monkeys... And when it comes to doing outrageous shit, Kakashi's rule is that if he can, then he fucking will, and the gods themselves cannot fucking stop him 😂 for example, this man will flaunt porn in public on purpose and theft is only theft if he is the victim

With Shisui, he is painfully aware of social convention (the Elders are BREATHING down his neck, he can already feel Mikoto's eyes burning his skull) BUT it's all about context. Can he get away with it? Yes? FULL STEAM AHEAD. Are there witnesses? Yes? Will Genjutsu fix it? No? FUCK, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES (bursts into flames from the mortifying ordeal of being known and unable to lie). For example, Shisui gaslighting everyone in earshot? A normal Monday. Genma makes a dirty joke at his expense? JAIL, JAIL, WE ARE ALL GOING TO HELL AND SHISUI IS GONNA TAKE THEM THERE 🔥🤡🔥

Tenzo is arguably the funniest because my boy straight up is not in the know 😂 Tenzo will say the most bland shit and it will hit the feels.... Tenzo will also say the most fucked up thing in your entire life and it will be an attempt at humor and you've got to just keep living your life. No, being in the Squad isn't helping. Kakashi is just as bad, if intentional, and Genma is enabling him, Raidou doesn't have the energy to fight a losing battle and Shisui isn't being paid enough to therapy dog the whole group. This is just an incredible wildcard.

Genma....! When he's yelling at the others, it's not because he wants them to stop. It's because HE is supposed to be the hysterical influence and he gets jealous when they upstage him. Shisui batting his eyelashes and getting the spa treatment as a hostage is just too much to bear, Genma tried to give a target a lapdance once and all he got was ten bucks and the desire to shower ASAP 😂😭🤡 he is so so proud of the chaos (he knows EXACTLY what he's doing) but he is also absolutely plotting how to one up the others on the outrageous scale

Raidou.... Oh I saved him for last, Anon, because not only is he the one you were actually commenting on but Raidou's reaction is always my fav. You THINK, looking at the group, that Raidou is the resident normal one. You might have thought that with drinking (nope, Raidou's drunken antics are firmly about 'Me Time' and he's valid, he is NOT designated driving). Or maybe paperwork (Tenzo and Shisui do the paperwork, actually, because Raidou's tends to get ruined by Genma/Kakashi or his own pyrotechnics/ink). Or maybe just being socially conscious individuals.... No. Raidou might be the most normal one because he has a stable home life, civilian parents who are both alive and who love and support him, and he sees the 'other side' of living in Konoha... But he also was the only one to be look at the options in life and PICK being a Shinobi. Like HELLO that's a bit INTERESTING. Raidou is So Done (I'm sorry but *looks at the rest of the SQ* YOUR HOME LIFE WAS WHAT) but simultaneously So On Board (you wanna tattoo your eyelids with fuinjutsu? Say less, bestie) for the bullshit like yes this is deffo the normal Shinobi way to behave, Genma of COURSE Shisui flirted with his captors now please help me steal the bedframe it's solid wood and the slats keep popping out of my bunk at home 👏👏👏 Raidou won't condone being an asshole to service staff but he's more than willing to calmly go back to his book when someone is plotting a murder at the next table.... It's just not his business 💅

This got out of hand, sorry Anon BUT yeah Raidou would classify Shisui's puppy eyes as both a cringe-fail tactic BUT an effective means of manipulation... So long as he doesn't have to watch the car wreck 😂

[loverboyjamespotter]

all's fair in love and war

rating: T

pairing: james potter/sirius black

warnings: none

words: 6k

author's note: none of my work is for terfs/transphobes, fuck off right now.

summary: james potter's brilliant plan to fake being bad at algebra so the love of his life will tutor him. remus and lily are good friends (reluctantly). disastrous results ensue. or alternatively: james potter's love life is a comedy of errors.

*

This is such a good idea. 

‘This is such a bad idea,’ says Lily, frowning. 

James scowls at her and flops backwards onto Remus’ bed. 

‘Your negative energy is really putting a damper on my mood.’ 

‘You mean my firm grasp of reality is discouraging you from carrying out the most idiotic plan known to man? How tragic.’

James haphazardly throws one of Remus’ cushions at her without looking and manages to clip her foot. He can tell she’s still unimpressed even without sitting up. 

‘Um. It … is quite an odd plan, James,’ Remus says cautiously from where he’s perching at the edge of his desk.

‘It’s not!’ James says a touch defensively. Clearing his throat discreetly he tries to adopt a more measured tone. ‘It’s not even the worst plan I’ve thought of this week.’ 

Lily makes a face at Remus and says, ‘You know, I really really have to agree.’

Remus glances at her sidelong, ‘He told you about his idea to ask his parents to write to the faculty board to ban orange juice from the cafeteria after someone bumped into him and spilt some in his general vicinity?’ 

Lily leans forward with relish, ‘Try asking the sports department to change the uniforms because and I quote ‘They’re not sexy enough’.’

‘Stop talking about me like I’m not here!’ 

‘Sorry James, it’s just that … You can’t seriously be considering what you just said?’ Remus asks hopefully. A beat of silence. ‘Right?’ He prompts weakly. 

‘I don’t see what else I can do!’

Lily rolls her eyes. ‘How about walking up to him and asking him out? It’s a tried and tested method, I’m told.’ 

James sits up, leaning heavily on one elbow, and narrows his eyes at her. ‘You can’t be serious.’ 

Lily grins despite herself and Remus mouth twitches in amusement although he tries to hide it. 

‘Oh shut up, no one make the joke! Don’t. Don’t make the joke - don’t! It’s literally not funny - ’

‘I’m not serious. But he definitely is.’ Lily says with visceral enjoyment. James groans loudly and flops back onto the bed with the a dull thud. He can tell Remus is trying not to laugh. 

‘You two are no help at all,’ James says plaintively. Remus considers him for a moment and sobers up a tad. 

‘James,’ he says placatingly, ‘I’m sorry it’s just that … it’s not like you to be nervous to ask someone out. You get that, yeah? I suppose that’s why it’s so hard to take this … seriously. You’re not exactly an introverted person. I mean, you’re usually so outgoing. I think that’s why me and Lily are having a hard time trying to grasp the issue.’ 

‘You’re actually the most arrogant person I know,’ Lily cuts in helpfully. 

‘Yeah, thanks a million,’ James retorts irritably, ‘I know I’m not shy. If it was anyone else I would have just asked him out already,’ James hesitates, seems to be about to say something, thinks better of it and stares moodily up at Remus’ ceiling. 

Remus and Lily share a look. Lily sighs and seems to resign herself begrudgingly to kindness. 

‘But?’ She says patiently. 

‘But Sirius isn’t like everyone else. That’s the bloody problem. And it’s driving me mad! I know it’s ridiculous, alright? Three times I’ve gone up to ask him out and if it was literally anyone else in the world ever, I would have done it the first time round! But whenever I walk up to ask him I get …’ James shifts around on the bed in uncharacteristic embarrassment, ‘Nervous.’ He finishes, wrinkling his nose in distaste. 

Any semblance of sympathy seems to instantly evaporate from Lily’s demeanour. 

‘Oh, you mean you feel bad because you, the great James Potter, are going through the mortifying ordeal of being nervous to ask someone out? Oh no, however will you recover? You mean because everyone else is tripping over themselves to date you, you never realised you could feel nervous to ask someone out? Oh God, call the press.’ Lily drawls sarcastically with an astonishing degree of vitriol. 

‘That isn’t what I meant and you know it,’ James whines, sitting up. It’s never more clear that he’s the pampered and adored only child than in moments like this. Remus knows it annoys Lily but he’s mostly unbothered by it. That’s just James. 

‘No please, do go on about how mortifying it is that you’re a bit anxious to ask someone out for the first time in your life,’ Lily says with vehemence. Remus shifts uncomfortably; he really, really hates conflict. 

‘Lily, that’s not what I meant! I know I sounded like an arse, alright? It’s not just that - and don’t be pissed at me okay, okay? - every other time I’ve asked someone out, I knew they were going to say yes,’ Lily makes a snorting noise but James continues his tirade, talking a bit louder to be heard over Lily starting to make some kind of acidic comment, ‘It’s not just that! It’s like this. I like him more than anyone else I’ve ever liked. Even if I knew he was going to say yes if I asked him out, I’d still be nervous because I - I - I can’t even talk to him properly! I like him so much I sound like an idiot every time I even try and say hi to him when he passes me in the corridor! I like him so much that even if you told me right now he’d fall to my feet in raptures if I asked him out, I still couldn’t do it because I can’t even say a single word to him without making a fool of myself! It’s not about me! It’s about him! I like him so much that anytime I try and talk to him I say something stupid!’ 

The fight seemed to drain entirely from Lily when James was ranting and now she leans back in Remus’ desk chair thoughtfully. 

‘So you can’t hate me - I’m too pathetic.’ James finishes weakly. 

Remus blinks at James incredulously, ‘Oh wow. I’ve … never heard you talk about anyone like that.’ 

‘Right? It’s all ‘I know they’re dying to go out with me’ with James,’ Lily says mildly, her tone lacking any real punch. A generous person would say she was edging towards sympathy again. 

‘That’s what I mean! He makes me … feel things,’ James hisses, leaning forward a touch hysterically. 

Lily looks taken aback but Remus can see from his periphery she’s trying to not let it show. ‘Uh, right. He makes you nervous; we established that - ’

‘No, no that’s not what I mean. He makes me feel things which in turn makes me do things.’ 

Lily gives up all pretences of tempering her astonishment. ‘What … what kinds of … things?’ She says slowly. Remus braces himself for the worst. 

‘I mean,’ James says frantically, ‘That when I went up to ask him out the last time, which happened to be yesterday, I panicked and tried to sell him my breakfast bar.’

Lily balks.

Remus blinks at James, horrified. 

‘Why … did you do. That?’ 

‘I don’t know Remus! Okay! I don’t know why I did that! That’s the problem!’ James all but shouts, springing up suddenly and starting to pace around the tiny dorm room. ‘And what makes it worse is that this time I was certain I was going to do it! So I walked up to him - all confident and everything! - and then he turned around and said hi and I forgot how to speak English. I genuinely couldn’t even remember my name. So I was just staring at him and he was staring back at me because I walked up to him and was just standing there silently, not even saying hello or anything and I panicked and asked him whether he wanted to make a small donation to charity by buying a breakfast bar.’ 

‘… Did he buy it?’ Remus asks with morbid curiosity. 

‘I really really don’t think that’s the issue here,’ Lily snaps irritably, but then hesitates and leans forward with undisguised interest, ‘Did he?’ 

‘Yes! Of course he bloody well bought it! Because I said it was for charity and he’s a nice, kind, thoughtful person!’ 

‘How much did you sell it for?’ Remus says, fascinated. 

‘… £1.50.’ James admits reluctantly. Another beat of awkward silence.  

‘Wow,’ Lily breathes wonderingly, ‘That is so pathetic.’

‘I know! I know it’s pathetic! That’s why I need help!’ James shouts, pacing faster, arms linked behind his back like some kind of old war general.

Lily clears her throat and sits up from where she had slumped into Remus’ chair. 

‘Okay.’ She says finally, ‘Alright.’ 

James looks at her impatiently. ‘Alright what?’ 

‘We …’ She starts, then glances dubiously at Remus. She sighs long-sufferingly then says, ‘We’re going to help you. Because you’re so pathetic that it’s sad, really.’

Because James is James he’s literally incapable of letting it go at that. Which Lily knows because Remus can see her steel herself. 

James spins in place then falls backwards onto Remus’ bed again, his hands over his face. 

‘Just forget it,’ He says sullenly, his voice muffled, ‘It’s stupid. I don’t think I have a chance anyway considering I’ve already embarrassed myself in front of him more times than I can count. He’s probably afraid of me, honestly, the amount of times I’ve accosted him.’ 

Lily looks at him with open contempt. ‘Oh, will you stop it? You’ll never know until you try. And you moping on Remus’ bed is perhaps the only thing more pathetic than you pining over Sirius.’ 

‘I’m not … moping.’ James insists petulantly. 

Remus crosses his arms over his chest and raises his eyebrows at James. 

‘Stop looking at me like that, Remus.’ James says balefully from under his hands. 

‘Oh my god, this is ridiculous,’ Lily says, annoyed, ‘Okay. Okay. So.’ She seems to fully resign herself to the ludicrous nature of the task (she’s never been one for half-arsing things) and stands up to loom over James. 

‘We’re going to help you get Sirius Black. We’re going to help you stop being a whining loser.’ Lily says determinedly. Then adds, almost as a note to remind herself, ‘Because we’re your friends. And that’s what friends do.’ 

Remus nods in wary solidarity. ‘Yes. We’re going to … help you.’

‘Really?’ James asks hopefully, scissoring his index and middle finger open to reveal his face. 

‘Yes. Really.’ Lily says reluctantly, as if she can’t believe she’s agreeing to this. Remus nods again. 

James shoots up with his characteristic incredible speed and bounds over to envelop both Lily and Remus in a hug. 

Despite herself, because no one can resist James Potter, Lily grins tiredly at Remus over James’ shoulder. ‘I’m so going to regret this.’ 

*********

The plan which James had mentioned in Remus’ dorm room was this: Sirius Black, after getting notoriously disowned from his affluent (filthy rich) family, often tutored other university students for extra cash. James would pretend to be struggling in his algebra class and ask him for help. After charming Sirius with his many, many qualities, James would swoop in for the kill (ask Sirius to go out with him). 

They’re in Lily’s room this time to hash out the finer details of the plan. 

‘The reason why this is a stupid plan, and dear God this has never been less evident than now, is that you’re really clever,’ says Lily. 

James preens smugly.

‘Yeah, I know,’ he says, grinning, ‘I’ll just pretend to not know anything about algebra.’

Remus looks at James doubtfully, ‘James, you do realise you got top marks in Algebra 1 last term? Why couldn’t you pick another subject to pretend to be bad in?’ 

James shrugs. ‘Because I’m not bad at any subject. I got top marks in everything.’ 

Remus makes a wry face at him, ‘Your modesty is astounding.’ 

James shoots Remus another grin. ‘It’s my strong suit.’ 

Lily grimaces. ‘Can we stay on the topic at hand? Please?’ She says the last part rather desperately.

‘Yes, well. Do you think you can … fake being bad at Algebra? Convincingly?’ 

James’ automatic response, from years of intense confidence, is to scoff and say yes. But then he realises it’s Sirius they’re talking about, Sirius he’s going to have to pretend in front of. Sirius with his characteristic piercing gaze, his disinterested genius. This suddenly seems a monumental task. 

‘Er …’ James hedges. ‘I can … practice? Being rubbish?’ 

Lily leans back in her chair and snorts disparagingly. ‘Jesus, I cannot believe I have to sit in a room with you and watch you practice being mediocre. God, you’re insufferable.’ 

‘I can’t help being good at everything, Lily,’ James says earnestly but the mischievous tilt of his mouth gives him away. 

‘And again, I reiterate: so very humble.’ Remus remarks ironically. 

‘That’s my middle name,’ James says brightly, ‘I’m absolutely awful at algebra, didn’t you know?’ 

Lily chucks a textbook at him. ‘Let’s see if you can put your money where you mouth is.’ She drags her desk chair over to where James is sitting on the edge of her bed. ‘Pretend to mess up a question.’ 

James flips open the textbook to a random page as Remus sits down next to him. 

He glances at the question. He’s pretty sure he can do it in his sleep. (Well, actually he guesses it would be tricky for someone who was actually struggling with algebra.)

He resists the urge to solve the equation correctly and instead confuses the division in the very first step. 

‘Is that right?’ He asks Remus innocently. Remus gives him an amused look but obligingly flips to the back of the book for the right answer. 

‘Not even close.’ 

‘Oh dear! I wonder where I went wrong?’ James says, looking imploringly at both Remus and Lily in turn. 

Lily leans back in her chair, crosses her arms over her chest and nods; impressed, despite herself. ‘There may be hope for you yet, Potter.’ 

‘Really?’ James says anxiously, wringing his hands, ‘You think I’ll finally pass this class?’

Lily rolls her eyes and smacks him lightly over the head with the textbook. 

‘Although …’ Remus says suddenly, ‘The thing is uh. I don’t really know how to say this but - ’

‘What?’ 

‘Sirius Black is known for being …’ Remus shifts uncomfortably on Lily’s duvet, ‘Mean.’

Lily’s face twitches in annoyed recognition. 

‘Oh my God, wait. You’re right. You reminded me. You know my friend Mary? Well, she was struggling with algebra last term and she went to Sirius for tutoring but she said he gets impatient with you if you don’t understand by the second time he explains something,’ Lily frowns, ‘He’s horribly arrogant.’ 

‘God, that is so hot,’ says James, sighing wistfully. 

Lily instantly grimaces in disgust. ‘Oh my fucking God, that’s so disturbing. Jesus Christ, you two are made for each other.’ 

Remus blinks, bewildered and visibly chooses to ignore that entire interaction. 

‘The problem remains that if he gets annoyed when tutoring you, it’s not very likely he’s going to be in the mood for romance.’ 

‘ … Right. Well. I’ll just … I won’t be too rubbish.’ 

Lily looks at him tiredly. ‘That’s the plan? You’re not going to be that rubbish? How are you even qualifying ‘too rubbish’, you pompous sod?’ 

‘I’ll just avoid what Mary did, yeah?’ James retorts. 

‘Oi, don’t you have a go at Mary - ’

‘Alright!’ Remus says quickly before they can resort to bickering, ‘So you’ll what? Mess up every third or fourth question? And get the other questions right most of the time so he doesn’t get annoyed at you?’ 

‘Yeah. And I could you know … ask him to explain stuff twice.’ 

‘Stuff.’ Lily echoes mockingly. 

‘Algebraic equation theory,’ James amends in his best posh accent. Lily rolls around in her desk chair once in exasperation but both Remus and James can see she’s amused, like she always is whenever James makes fun of rich people. 

‘Okay, then. So, we’ve got a plan. That’s something, at least,’ she concedes. 

‘Comrades, I think it’s safe to say Operation: Big Romance is a-go.’ James says, throwing his arms around both Remus and Lily. 

‘I can hardly contain my excitement.’ Remus deadpans. 

*****

James, Remus and Lily are in the library waiting for Sirius. 

Earlier, Lily had looked intensely disturbed. ‘How … how do you know Sirius is going to be in the library today?’ 

‘Because he always goes to the library on Wednesdays before his third lecture.’ James replies without missing a beat. 

Lily winces and looks at Remus pleadingly. ‘That’s creepy, right? You think it’s creepy he knows that, right?’ 

‘… Have you been stalking him?’ Remus says finally, but looking like he’d rather not know the answer.

‘No! I only know that he goes to the library on Wednesdays because he’s reading Wuthering Heights  but he can’t check it out because he’s already checked out the ten books you’re allowed so he reads it before his third lecture then hides it in the astronomy section so no one else can take it out.’ 

‘So you’re stalking him.’ Remus concludes tiredly. 

That was an hour ago. Now, they’re camped in the astronomy section, books deliberately planted around them as if they’re studying. Lily even takes out a highlighter and brandishes it over a paragraph about Venus for good measure. 

‘I hate to say it but … is it very obvious that we set this up?’ Remus says, glancing around at the artfully strewn books. 

‘No, no it looks real. No one’s going to be reading about,’ Lily pauses to read the subtitle of an upside down book, ‘the ‘mathematical grounding behind the convalescence of the planetary alignments and their affects on numerology’. Jesus, only someone who had to read that for a class would pick that book up. Even then, that’s doubtful.’ 

‘Sirius would.’ James mutters faintly. He’s been looking increasingly the worse for wear as they wait for Sirius. He keeps fidgeting then touching his forehead. ‘I think I’ve got a fever. Literally, I have a fever. This isn’t a good idea. Maybe we could do this next week. Or never. Never works really well, actually - ’

Lily cuts off his rambling by elbowing him in the ribs. ‘Shut up!’ She hisses under her breath, ‘Here he comes! Act natural!’ She picks up her highlighter again and squints at the book on the table in front of her. Remus holds up a calculator. James sits frozen to the spot as Sirius walks up. 

He doesn’t notice them at first, he’s too busy reading a slim paperback novel as he walks. He jumps a little to see them all cluttered in an otherwise pretty abandoned section of the library. Lily waves around her highlighter over the page pointedly. 

‘Oh.’ Sirius says. ‘Hi.’ 

The greeting is clearly only directed at James. Lily notes with irritation he doesn’t really acknowledge her or Remus. God, he’s already insufferable and she’s only known him thirty seconds. 

It’s only belatedly Lily realises James hasn’t said anything back. He sits there, staring at Sirius blankly. It’s so absolutely at odds to how she’s seen James that it’s immediately discomfiting. Another agonising second passes where James doesn’t say anything and Sirius looks increasingly confused. Lily elbows James sharply again and he jumps visibly. 

‘Hello.’ James manages, way too formally. 

‘… Yeah. Hi.’ Sirius repeats. He gestures to the bookcase on the left side of the alcove. ‘I’m just here to get the book I’m reading.’ 

‘I know.’ James says automatically. 

‘What?’ Sirius blinks at him. 

‘He means,’ Lily cuts in quickly, then flounders for too long because she can’t think of what to say to disguise James’ blunder. 

‘He means he knows you. That’s what he meant.’ Remus tries. 

James nods desperately, not trusting himself to speak. 

‘I know.’ Sirius says slowly, ‘I know he knows me. We have three classes together.’ 

‘I know that too!’ James shouts suddenly, his short lived self restraint ebbing away entirely, ‘Of course I know we have three classes together! I mean I’m self-absorbed but not that self-absorbed that I wouldn’t notice that I had three classes with someone. Well actually, I have done that loads of times but not with you. I did know we have three classes together. You always sit at the back.’ 

Lily is horrified. She has never, ever in all the years she’s known James seen him be flustered. She resists the urge to turn and gape at him disbelievingly by forcibly schooling her expression into something studious and grave, completely unlike someone who just had to listen to their otherwise perfect friend embarrass himself in front of his crush. What mortifying rant? She can tell from her periphery Remus has adopted a carefully neutral expression to mask the same sinking dread she feels. 

Sirius looks stunned. But after a second something clicks in his mind and he takes James’ rant in stride and thankfully chooses to be bemused. 

‘Seems you’ve been paying an awful lot of attention to me, Potter.’ 

‘You know my name?’ James says weakly. 

Suddenly, Sirius grins at him. ‘Yeah. Don’t know if you noticed but we have three classes together.’ 

James fake laughs stiffly, once. ‘Yep.’ He says awkwardly and then the fights drains out of him and he just slumps in his chair dejectedly, looking anywhere but at Sirius. 

Offence flashes over Sirius’ features at being dismissed so clearly and in such an abrupt fashion but just as quick his usual bored, aloof mask falls back into place. 

‘Alright. See you, then,’ he says dispassionately. James barely grunts in response, seeming to be absorbed in the volume in front of him. Sirius turns coldly on his heel and makes to stride away. 

‘Wait!’ Lily says loudly, garnering some dirty looks from students at nearby tables. 

‘What?’ Sirius asks, turning back and raising an eyebrow at her. Lily sits up to her full height, staring him down and declares, ‘James is rubbish at algebra.’

James groans silently next to her and sinks further in his seat, until his shoulders are almost level with the table. ‘Please, please let it go. He hates me now, please let it go,’ he mutters quietly to her under his breath, chin tucked inside his hoodie. He’s mortified, Lily realises finally. 

Miraculously, the spirit of friendship (and pity) rouses her from her stupor so she leans back confidently in her chair, flips her hair over her shoulder and levels Sirius with a look she perfected when she was Head Girl in Sixth Form. 

‘We’ve heard you tutor, yeah?’ She continues determinedly even as James hisses at her ‘What are you doing!’

‘Yeah.’ Sirius says finally, after looking at her for a second. 

‘Well, James here,’ she says clapping him on the shoulder briefly, ‘Could really use the help.’

‘No! It’s okay! I don’t!’ Says James, embarrassed beyond belief, ‘It’s okay! This was a really bad idea - ’

‘There’s no need to be embarrassed, James,’ Lily tells him firmly without looking at him since she’s still locked in some kind of eye contact battle with Sirius. 

‘He,’ Siris says pointing at James who has now succeeded in sinking further into the depths of his hoodie, ‘Is failing algebra?’ 

‘Yep.’ Lily lies. 

Sirius looks back at her skeptically, ‘The guy who shouted ‘Yes, fuck yes! Full marks again!’ in the middle of a lecture when the Algebra 1 results were released online … is failing Algebra 2 this term?’ 

Remus barely suppresses a wince. Lily bites the inside of her cheek to refrain from turning a withering glare at James. 

‘Yes.’ 

‘Sorry if I find that hard to believe.’ 

‘No, it’s true. He peaked last term, he’s past his prime. His used up all his potential in Algebra 1 and now he’s utterly failing Algebra 2. He can’t understand a thing,’ She pauses to laugh in a horribly fake, piercing way even to her own ears, ‘He’s an idiot, really!’ 

‘I think he gets the picture, thanks very much.’ James interjects acidly, scowling sideways at her. 

Sirius considers James for a moment and when James notices this he visibly squirms in place and goes back to pulling his hoodie string. It must read as genuine embarrassment, which it is but Sirius must think it’s because James is too proud to discuss the fact he’s ‘failing’ the class. 

‘Alright.’ Sirius says after a moment, raising an eyebrow. ‘I’ll tutor you. But you know I charge £25 an hour, yeah?’ 

‘Oh, don’t worry about that,’ Lily answers, waving her hand dismissively, ‘He’s loaded - '

James’ mouth chooses exactly the wrong moment to intervene, ‘It’s true, I’m loaded. My parents bought me a car when I was 14 before I could even drive just because I wanted one - Ow!’ 

Lily had stamped on James’ foot with the heel of her boot before he started ranting about the fact he didn’t even use the car when he turned 18 because it was ‘too old now’. 

Remus runs a very obvious hand over his face and mutters ‘Jesus Christ’ under his breath. 

Sirius smiles without mirth and rallies. ‘Yeah, when I was 14 my parents got me these expensive as fuck leather suitcases with my initials embossed on them. Ironic considering the amount of emotional baggage they saddled me with.’ 

‘Ha!’ James says awkwardly. Then, horrifyingly, as if to explain himself, ‘That was a good one. Childhood trauma. Lol.’ 

A series of deeply stunned silences follow James’ comment. Remus abandons all composure and gapes at James incredulously. Lily feels her face burn in second hand embarrassment, but resolutely resists the urge to look around at James. She can tell James is about two seconds from bolting into the aquatic life section adjacent from them. She thinks he’s absolutely stopped breathing. Even Sirius looks haunted for a good thirty seconds before he visibly gets a grip and nods slowly. 

‘… Right. Uh, I’ll text you to figure out a time and place?’ 

Lily cuts in before James can speak. ‘Yes! Here’s his number!’ She says before scrawling it on a bit of scrap paper. She thrusts it at Sirius and says quickly, ‘Bye now!’ 

Sirius looks up at all three of them once more. Remus is pinching the bridge of his nose, Lily’s face is so red it feels aflame and James has sunk so far in his seat he’s in danger of disappearing under the table altogether. 

‘Yeah. Bye.’ He says shortly before turning and walking away. 

A horrible beat of silence passes between the remaining three in which Lily genuinely feels like she’s catching her breath after a mad sprint. 

Finally, she rounds on James. ‘Lol?’ She demands, appalled. 

James leans forward until his forehead collides with the table with an audible bang. 

******

It’s James first tutoring session with Sirius today. He feels like he’s dying. 

‘You’re not dying,’ Lily says irritably, flipping through a magazine. 

‘You cold, unfeeling woman - can’t you show any sympathy?’

Lily pats his shoulder absentmindedly. 

Remus sips at his mug of tea, amused. 

‘Think of it this way. The chances of spontaneous combustion are very low. So probably things are going to go okay today.’ He takes another noisy drink from his mug, ‘Maybe.’ 

James face plants into Remus’ bed and groans. 

*******

They decided to meet up in the library. It was the best place for it, really. Lots of escape routes in case James messes up and he needs to evacuate the premises immediately. Not that he’s thinking about that. It’s going to be fine. At least that’s what he tells himself as he walks into the library. He repeats it to himself again as he walks up to the astronomy section and then he loses the ability to form coherent thought altogether when he sees Sirius. He’s reading Wuthering Heights turned away from him. James palms are so sweaty that when he goes to wipe them on his jeans he leaves little wet smudges behind. 

‘Hi,’ James says as he draws level with the table Sirius is sitting at and because he hates himself apparently he tacks on ‘Come here often?’ and immediately winces. 

Sirius turns around in his chair at the sound of James’ voice, then processes what he said. 

‘Actually yeah, I do.’ Sirius says mercilessly, clearly not choosing to give James an out on this one. He seems annoyed.

‘Oh. Good. That’s good. Reading is very … ’ James trails off. 

‘Good?’ Sirius finishes sardonically. Yep, definitely annoyed. What a brilliant start. 

‘Will you excuse me a moment? I’ll be right back.’ James says, smiling wanly. He turns quickly and marches into a neighbouring alcove. 

He frantically pulls out his phone and texts Remus. 

James: he’s pissed. 

It takes about a minute for Remus to respond, which seems like an hour to James who’s barely staving off hyperventilating. He jumps when his phone lights up with the notification. 

Remus: He’s drunk???? Wtf? I know he has issues but that seems a bit extreme. U should get ur money back.

James blinks at this text in confusion before he scowls and angrily stabs out out a response. 

James: NO!!!!!!!!!! 

James: I MEANT HE SEEMS ANGRY

Remus replies instantly this time. 

Remus: Y?

Oh, fantastic. What a help. James locks his phone again and tries to take a deep breath. He has to deal with this situation, he can’t just skulk in the library all day. A small, very unhelpful part of his brain cheerfully suggests he could sneak out when they take the rubbish out at night by disguising himself in a wheelie bin. 

He seriously considers this for a moment before he mentally shakes himself. He’s gotten this far. What’s the worst that can happen? Right. Okay. James takes another fortifying breath, pulls his shoulders back and strides quickly back to where Sirius is sitting. 

He’s slumped in his chair looking bored. 

‘You know I’m getting paid for the full hour, whether you actually choose to get tutored or not, right?’ Sirius drawls as James comes into earshot. 

‘Huh? Oh yeah! That’s not a problem!’ James fishes out his wallet and takes out the money for the session. He places it on the table next to Wuthering Heights. 

Sirius doesn’t say anything and instead elects to just stare angrily at the cash. 

James fidgets uncomfortably with the strap of his backpack. ‘Look, are you … alright?’ 

Sirius finally drags his gaze up to James and gives him a grim smile. ‘Why do you ask?’ 

James knows he can be tactless, but most of the time he’s not trying to be rude. He just genuinely prefers speaking his mind. Which is why he says, ‘Cause I know you have like. Stuff going on and everything. You seem angry.’

‘Stuff?’ Sirius says, his smile widening into a grin that’s too sharp to be truly friendly. 

‘Yeah.’ James says simply, shrugging. 

‘What do you know about my stuff?’ 

‘Nothing. Just what everyone else is saying.’ 

 He can see a muscle twitch in Sirius’ jaw. 

‘Well you know what they say. No such thing as bad publicity.’ Sirius articulates slowly. James nods at him cautiously. 

Something James can’t quite place passes over Sirius’ face and he sits up suddenly, ’Alright then. Let’s get on with it.’ 

James sits down opposite Sirius and pulls out his algebra textbook from his bag. He looks up expectantly at Sirius. Sirius is still staring at him with an inscrutable look but the undercurrent still seems to be irritation. 

James really, really doesn’t know where it went wrong this time. Usually he can tell where exactly he made an idiot of himself when he talks to Sirius but this time around, he’s barely said two words to him. God, this was a horrible, awful, terrible idea. 

James clears his throat and dejectedly gestures at the open page in front of him. ‘So, uh … what should I do?’ 

As if animated by some outside source Sirius leaps into Tutor Mode. He seems to materialise a spare bit of paper from thin air and begins outlining the theory behind the first question. 

He goes on for a couple of minutes while James deliberately nods at intervals as if he’s listening really closely. In actuality, he’s trying to figure out why the mood is so tense, why the session is going so badly and finally, why he was ever born. 

‘Did you get that?’ Sirius says finally, eyeing James with alert interest for some unknown reason. 

‘Um … Can you explain the second part again?’ James says. 

‘Alright.’ Sirius says tightly and if James looks closely he can see he’s gritting his teeth. 

James wants to die. This is utterly mortifying. Sirius hates him, okay fine (not fine at all), but what did James do to make Sirius hate him? 

James is trying to figure that out when he finally manages to process what Sirius is saying. He frowns. 

‘What?’ He says, interrupting Sirius’ explanation. 

Sirius points at the equation in the book. ‘If you solve for x in the first instance, that’s going to help sort out the division.’ 

James looks down at the page, bewildered. 

‘What?’ He repeats. 

Sirius gives him a look and says slowly, ‘You have to solve for x first.’ 

James scans the page again and frowns harder. He grabs the pen on the table and starts jotting down the equation in long form. 

‘How did you figure that? That’s possibly the longest way to figure out the question, I mean you just made it so much harder. It would be much simpler to solve for y in the first instance, that cancels out the division portion altogether.’ James says, scanning over the book again and the notes he quickly scrawled. It’s only then he realises what he’s done. 

Oh God. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck. 

His eyes shoot up to look at Sirius and as expected, he’s leaning back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, scowling at him in grim triumph. 

‘Uhhh,’ James says pathetically. ‘I suppose you’re wondering how I knew that?’ 

‘Yeah. Crossed my mind.’ Sirius says coldly. 

‘… You’re a really great tutor?’ James tries weakly.

‘Fuck. You.’ Sirius replies, snatching up his bag and slamming back his chair so hard it squeaks. He turns to start storming away but James grabs his arm desperately. 

‘Wait! Sirius, I’m sorry!’ 

Sirius twists his arm cruelly from James’ grip and looks down at him with such derision James actually recoils a little. 

‘You’re sorry?’

‘Yes.’ James says in a small voice, shrinking back into his denim jacket both from embarrassment and Sirius’ tone of voice. 

‘Yeah, you bloody well should be sorry, you fucking arsehole.’ 

James frowns at him, suddenly a little offended. ‘Sirius, it isn’t that big of a deal - ’

 ‘What?’ Sirius says icily. 

James winces and rubs his eyes under his glasses. ‘Okay, poor choice of words. It is a big deal but - ’

Sirius throws back his head and laughs mirthlessly. 

‘Actually, you’re right. It probably isn’t a big deal for someone like you.’ 

Any explanation James was about to produce comes to a screeching halt. He looks up at Sirius warily. 

‘What … do you mean?’ 

Sirius suddenly leans over the table, right in James’ face and hisses, ‘I know exactly what you’re doing.’ 

James gapes at him. ‘Well, then do you mind telling me? ‘Cause I haven’t got a clue.’ 

‘I don’t want your charity.’ Sirius says furiously. 

James continues to stare at Sirius, slack jawed. After a second he says, ‘Mate, no offence, but what the fuck are you talking about?’ 

‘Do you think I hadn’t worked it out? I know you’re brilliant at algebra you dickhead, we’ve been in the same classes since first year. What other reason would you have to hire me to be your tutor except that you’re taking pity on the poor little disowned heir. Well, you can keep your fucking money.’ 

A loaded beat of silence. 

Absurdly, a giggle bubbles in James’ chest. Before he can stop it, he’s spluttering with laughter. 

Unsurprisingly, Sirius isn’t amused. 

‘This is funny to you?’ 

‘Well, yeah! You idiot, I’m not paying you to tutor me out of some form of pity, or charity or whatever.’ 

Sirius stands up straight, face contorted in contempt. ‘I’m sorry if I don’t believe you. It’s just that you’ve just been lying to me for the last hour.’ 

Suddenly, the situation isn’t very funny anymore. James winces and makes a face, ‘Okay, fair. But you have to believe me. That’s not why I wanted you to tutor me, I swear.’ 

Sirius throws up his hands in frustration. ‘Then why? Why did you?’ 

James opens his mouth to answer but nothing comes out. He seems to have lost his voice. 

Sirius stares at him expectantly for a second before scoffing and turning to go again. 

James springs up from his chair and reaches to grab ahold of Sirius again. 

‘Wait! Please! I can explain!’ 

‘Then explain.’ Sirius says exasperatedly. 

Every excuse seems to flit across James’ mind but when he looks at Sirius standing there, angry and irritated and almost … insecure, James sighs loudly. 

‘Oh fuck it,’ he says finally, ‘I was never very good at this subtlety lark.’ 

And with that, James throws his arms around Sirius’ neck and kisses him long and hard. 

When he pulls back, Sirius is looking at him cautiously. ‘You did … all of that. Because you like me?’ 

‘Um, yeah?’ 

Suddenly, Sirius’ whole face breaks out into a grin. ‘God, you’re such an idiot.’ 

James smiles at him ruefully. ‘A hot idiot?’ 

Sirius rolls his eyes at him fondly. ‘Yeah. A hot idiot.’ 

‘I can take that.’ James says brightly and rushes forward for another kiss.