#no money and no chicken sandwich and everyone else i live with has gone out to dinner with other people

[gutmeats]

i did the Adult Thing and spent my money on getting some travel size sharps containers so i can travel w my T instead of getting myself a chicken sandwich and thats cool and great but. i really want a chicken sandwich

[superbdragoncollection-stuff]

Thoughts on Separate Tides and Allergen Representation; an Essay

“No appleblood. I spent the money on gryphon eggs for Luz. There’s not a lot she can digest here, so I make sure I have her favorites around.”

“Because you stuck with me, you lost your magic! You almost got turned to stone, and now you can’t even afford your appleblood because you’re worried about what I need to eat!”

This episode had a very surprising, and very sweet display of allergen representation. I really appreciate Luz’s issues and anxieties in this episode. While it’s presented in a fantasy way, when she explains how upset she is about her food restrictions, it speaks to a real issue affecting people with allergies and digestive problems. As someone with a food allergy growing up, the moments really spoke to me. I have Celiac Disease, which means that my body can’t digest gluten, a protein in wheat. I can eat the stuff physically, and the symptoms aren’t obvious like a peanut allergy. This makes it difficult to detect. The way it manifests is that my stomach can’t digest the protein. It will go through my small intestine, and tear up the lining of the organ that absorbs food, and what remains of the lining has a hard time absorbing other nutrients, causing me to essentially starve. These symptoms don’t appear immediately, taking days, weeks, or even months to register, making it even more difficult to detect. While gluten is something health nuts are obsessed with lately, it is a very real threat to people with my condition. My food can’t share the same plate, can’t share the same space; if they even so much as come into contact I have to scrap the whole meal just for safety’s sake. When I was younger, before I was diagnosed, I didn’t grow an inch for two years because my body had gone into maintaining the bare minimum needed for survival. My bones think they’re younger than they actually are. When I was diagnosed and I recovered, I grew a lot. What spoke to me in this episode was Luz’s discomfort and distress at Eda’s money troubles when it comes to food. It wasn’t a joke, it wasn’t mean, it was really meaningful, it’s a fact of life. It’s much like how Eda’s condition was treated in the first episode she appeared, just a part of life. Gluten free food is expensive, finding places that won’t actively poison me is exhausting, and I’m constantly worried about cross contamination. Even a few crumbs can be a problem. Frequently I will feel like a burden, like I’m being pedantic even though this is vital to my health. I cannot live off food with gluten, I will die. Yet it still feels as if I’m a burden. I’m right there with Luz; hearing people having to talk about our food sensitivities, and having to accommodate us, even if it's in a loving way like Eda said, is upsetting. I’m also going to guess that like me, Luz is also a picky eater even amongst stuff she can eat. On school trips, I always needed special treatment; it tended to be something that I don’t care for even if it was gluten free, or dry sandwiches I brought from home while my peers chowed down on pizza. I remember the looks everyone gave me. I have to explain to every single restaurant I find my condition. Even if they’re understanding, it’s a pain. Luz has been confirmed to be neurodivergent, and I am right there with her as well. It takes an immense amount of mental energy to find restaurants, to find the right menus, find the ones with the right accommodations. Food can’t even be cooked in the same fryer if I want to avoid cross-contamination. It’s terrifying and upsetting to constantly have to go to the front of the line and ask for what feels like conspicuous special treatment. As a neurodivergent person, social anxiety makes this so much worse. I constantly fear the cooks are cursing me under their breath for inconveniencing them, I fear that people behind me are whispering and that any moment a hand will land on my shoulder and demand I get to the back of the line with everyone else. Sometimes I will get food that I simply don’t like, or hasn’t been cooked right. Asking to have it fixed is terrifying, and I fear the people around me even more. Luz may not be super poor on Earth, but she voiced a lot of anxieties and frustration that people like me have. I'm from a well off family that could afford the additional expense of gluten free food, but I can’t imagine what a nightmare it is for real families who can’t afford gluten free food, or who can’t even

afford a diagnosis. To add insult to injury, many people will mock or dismiss us as being liars, pedantic, or just picky. It is a common thing to mock people with gluten free preferences; the Angry Birds movie made fun of it. I hear people complain about how expensive the food is even if they don’t have to eat it. People will offer me bread even after I explain to them what it will do to me. Dennys seems to have adopted a chain-wide proclamation to refuse to accommodate gluten free people. I have not eaten there in three years, because we experienced serious food problems in restaurants in Virginia and Vermont. Virtually every time I entered a Dennys three years ago, I would ask for a plate of plain and simple chicken that normally comes with toast, and I ask them to remove that; somehow, they would always screw up the order by putting glutinous bread right on top and ruining the whole meal. Yes, we are that sensitive to contamination. If it even touches the food the meal is ruined. Once, it was understandable because the waiter had been awake for eighteen hours. The other times were not. I saw the waiters argue with the other staff, I had a manager once come out to explain my own disease to me, even as two pieces of toast just sat there stewing on my chicken. That feeling of being a burden, of hearing people argue about trying to help you, stings very much. Some people will assume that we just don’t like wheat; I’ve heard horror stories of people trying to “prove” someone didn’t have Celiac Disease by secretly putting it in their food. The fact that we don’t go into anaphylactic shock when we consume it makes this a common problem as it leads them to assume it’s not an issue. It being a fad diet has also made my life worse; I have to constantly specify that I am not just gluten free, that I have an actual medical condition. I have to carry cards in my wallet to explain the situation. It feels like the world around me conspires to keep me from being healthy. And it feels like the world hates people like me for it. The best representation I’ve ever gotten for Celiac Disease was a CollegeHumor sketch. Most of the time, allergen representation is a joke, even if it’s informative and not meant to be mean. The Owl House breaks that trend with these two little exchanges. “No appleblood. I spent the money on gryphon eggs for Luz. There’s not a lot she can digest here, so I make sure I have her favorites around.” “Because you stuck with me, you lost your magic! You almost got turned to stone, and now you can’t even afford your appleblood because you’re worried about what I need to eat!” Luz’s snap at Eda about her food sensitivities is something I feel. I don’t often get allergen representation like this, especially any as loving and kind as this. Even to family, who love and support me, I can feel like a burden, as if there’s something wrong with me that is somehow my fault, and not the fault of a genetic disease dating back thousands of years. It’s deeply upsetting and frustrating to experience this. No matter who it comes from, it hurts a lot. I’m glad The Owl House captured this feeling perfectly. It’s good to know I’m not alone here. I’m glad to see representation where facts of my life aren’t seen as a joke.

[luv-eddiediaz]

Hi. Me again, with my obsession of cowboy Eddie and city Buck. 

I was driving around the country last night looking for some cool rocks to put in my yard (I live in town, but like 20 minutes from all the ranches and wide open spaces), and I had like a Buddie version of a Hallmark movie playing in my head the whole time. 

Imagine with me:

Buck has been living in NYC. He’s been working at some art gallery and dating Abby and living with her in her fancy loft while she sculpts, but something happens and she still needs to go find herself, so off she goes to abandon our boy, who, after a couple of months, and some conversations with his friends, realizes she isn’t going to come back, and he sets off to start over. 

He basically throws a dart at a map, and it lands on El Paso, and so that’s where he packs his bags to go. He gets a job at a local bar, and rents a room in the back. He doesn’t think El Paso is going to be for him, so he’s just going to work a few weeks until he can figure out where he wants to go and has some more money saved up to get there.

He notices that every other night, a dark haired man comes in and orders a whiskey, neat and two beers. He sits alone and doesn’t talk to anyone except the girl who works at the bar with Buck at night (I’ve named her Desiree). To Buck, he seems kind of sad. 

One night, Desiree is off, and it’s Just Buck. The guy comes in and Buck brings him his whiskey without him having to order. The man tips his hat, and Buck smiles, but they don’t say anything. When he’s finished his whiskey, Buck goes back to him with his draft of Budweiser, and again he tips his hat, and Buck smiles. They don’t talk until Buck brings him last beer. 

“It’s Buck, right?”

“Uh, yea, how did you know?”

“Desiree is my cousin. She’s mentioned you a few times. Doesn’t like you very much.”

Buck laughs, “I didn’t think she did.”

“It’s your shoes. They’re too shiny, and she says you smell too nice.”

“How does someone smell too nice?”

“Girls here are just different than where you come from.”

“Everyone here is different than where I come from.”

And the man laughs so quiet Buck isn’t even sure he’s laughing, and then he holds out his hand, “I’m Eddie.”

“Nice to meet you.” Buck meets his hand, and it’s softer than Buck would have thought given his dirt stained jeans, and his small drawl, and the cowboy hat he never seems to take off his head. 

So, now whenever Eddie comes in, Buck waits on him, and as the customers dwindle down, Buck ends up sitting in the corner booth with him, and they talk. About New York mostly, about Abby and art, Eddie’s son, and how Buck thinks he might do better in Austin if he was going to stay in Texas. 

“If you change your mind, and want to stay,” Eddie says one night, “I have a shed I converted to a guest house. I’d be more than happy to rent it out to you.”

Buck isn’t sure why, but the thought of Eddie wanting him to stay makes him feel good, and so he decides to take him up on the offer. He meets Eddie at his place one Sunday afternoon, which is this sprawling ranch, and a large, gray stucco house. Eddie shows him around the grounds.

“So, these are Greg and Elizabeth,” he says of two goats nosing at Buck’s shoes, “those are the three Rosies,” he points to three brown cows, “the chicken coop is in the back, but you’ll have to ask Christopher their names, because honestly, I don’t know. I think he keeps changing them.”

“All these animals are yours?”

“Uh, the goats and chickens, yes. One Rosie is a boarder, and the other two are ours until I find them somewhere else to go.” 

“Do you like rescue animals?”

“Sort of. I’m a large animal vet.”

“How did you not tell me this?”

Eddie shrugs and smiles this little half smile Buck has come to adore, “I don’t like talking about myself. And you love talking about yourself.”

“Do not.”

“You really do.”

Then Eddie shows him the shed/house, and Buck decides he’s going to stay there. Eddie also asks if during the day Buck wants to help out answering phones and stuff in the clinic.

Hilarity would ensue with Buck in his fancy sweaters and nice shoes trying to help wrangle the goats and the cows. Sweetness comes when he’s out feeding the chickens with Christopher, and eating sandwiches with him at the reception desk of the vet clinic. 

At some point, he starts wearing flannel shirts, and faded denim. Eddie even buys him his own cowboy hat the day he takes him out horseback riding. 

That same day, they sit by a creek, underneath a tree while their horses graze, and have a more serious conversation. Eddie opens up about his wife’s recent death, but how they had been on the rocks for a while, and Eddie thought maybe they were going to work things out, but she said she didn’t want to and then she had an accident in town. 

Buck doesn’t think he’s crazy when Eddie puts Buck’s hat back on his head and he feels this electricity as they stare at each other, close enough to smell what the other had for breakfast on their breath. He thinks maybe Eddie is going to kiss him, but he doesn’t. And it leaves him disappointed. 

So, of course. with the two of them on this precipice of something, Abby comes back! 

She finds out where Buck is, and goes down to Texas. It’s a Saturday night, and Buck is working at the bar, and it’s a little bit busy, but Christopher is staying the weekend with his aunt and cousins, and Eddie is down there, and between serving Buck lets Eddie try and teach him to line dance, and they shoot a round of pool that lasts forever because Buck keeps having to go work, but it doesn’t matter, because he is having the best time, and he’s seeing Eddie laugh with his whole face, and he knows, he just knows he is falling in love with this man, and only hopes he’s falling in love back. 

They are literally just about to kiss in a dark corner when Buck sees Abby in the middle of the bar, and says her name. He doesn’t forget Eddie is there, but he kinds forgets Eddie is there and walks over to her, gives her a hug.

“What are you doing here?”

“I missed you too.”

“Can we talk?” she asks, “are you busy?”

“I’m working, but I can take a minute; here.” He leads her to a small booth and slides in across from her.

“Look,” she starts, “I’m not sorry I left, because I had to. I was feeling suffocated.”

“By me?”

“No, well, yes, but not you. Just my life, and you happened to be a part of that. I needed to get lost to find myself again.”

“And did you?”

“Yes.”

“It’s been five months, Abby. I left us. I left New York; I started over.”

“I see that. Kind of a weird choice.”

“I like it.”

Because he likes Eddie. 

Shit. Eddie. Buck looks around the bar and sees that he’s gone, and he doesn’t blame him for bailing. He looks back at Abby; at the beautiful curve of her face, her bright green eyes that still pop through the lenses of her glasses. He remembers what it felt like to kiss her lips, and feel her hands through his hair. He never loved anyone the way he loved Abby - she was the first real thing in his life, but he knows now, that Abby never loved him the way he deserved.

“Buck?”

“Thank you for coming here to explain yourself.”

“I was kind of hoping I could talk you into coming to New York with me.”

“Nah, I’m good here. I’ve got all these flannel shirts now, and the concrete would just kill these boots.”

Abby laughs, “not to mention the cowboy.”

“What cowboy?”

“The one that’s been staring at us like he’s ready to pull my hair.”

Buck looks to where Abby is nodding and he wonders how the hell he missed Eddie sitting there.

“Yea, and the cowboy.”

She smiles and kisses Buck on the cheek as she gets up to leave. Buck waits a few seconds until she’s walked out the door and saunters over to Eddie with a woeful look on his face. He sits on the barstool next to him 

“I’m sorry about that,” he says.

“Oh, you’re sorry for dropping me like a dirty rag as soon as you saw your ex-girlfriend? Or is she still your girlfriend?”

“No. She’s my ex. There’s uh, there’s someone else I’m kind of interested in.”

“Anyone I know? It’s a small town after all.”

“I think you may be familiar with him.”

“Him? That could be a dangerous thing here.”

“I like a little bit of danger.”

Eddie smiles, “what time do you get off?”

“About another hour.”

“Hmmm, I’ll come back and pick you up.”

Eddie tips his hat and leaves the bar, and Buck thinks the last hour of his shift drags on forever, but finally he’s cashed out and collected his tips and he goes outside to find Eddie sitting in his truck. Buck gets in, and they drive out past the town lights, past his ranch, almost right up to the border to Mexico, and park. 

Buck feels like he’s in a country song as the radio hums in the background and Eddie leans over the console to touch his fingertips to Buck’s chin and pull him towards himself to give him a soft, slow kiss. 

It’s the best kiss Buck has ever had, and he can’t help but smile the entire time. It’s the beginning of what Buck knows is going to be the rest of his life. 

[keanureevesisbae]

The alluring charm of Henry Cavill - Chapter 3

Summary: During a trivia game, Adelaide impresses people with her knowledge.

Henry Cavill x Adelaide Park (ofc)

Wordcount: 3.5k

Warnings: None

A/N: For the people who have send in character asks and I haven’t answered it yet: I’m working on it 🤗 Because of school, I haven’t gotten to it yet. But somewhere this week I’ll answer them. Also: I love the responses to this fic. I want to let you know that these comments make my day 💕 Also, did I use the twitter accounts from the characters of my other fics for the tweets at the end? Yes, I did.

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

Why am I in bed?

I look around and see that I’m in the middle of the bed that Henry and I share back on the show, but the improvised wall between us is gone.

Back when I was growing up, we had one bedroom and one bed, where we had to squeeze in if we happened to be all home. That rarely happened. It was usually just me, or later on my dad joined, when he got back from work. On mom’s days off, she’d be in bed all day, resting from all those hard days at work. Sharing beds isn’t something that I really mind, even if the person I’m sharing with, is Henry Cavill.

‘You’re awake,’ I hear Henry’s deep voice and I look to my left, to see him standing up from a chair. He sits on the edge of the mattress, sinking into the soft material. ‘How are you?’

‘I don’t know,’ I mumble, pushing myself up straight. I’m not in the muddy clothes anymore and I look at Henry again, slightly worried and ashamed. Did he undress me?

‘Don’t worry,’ he calmly says, ‘Jennifer went with us. She changed you.’

I clear my throat, as I start fidgeting my hands, one of the many nervous ticks I have. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Why?’ Henry asks.

‘We were leading and then…’ I sigh deeply, trying not to think about what happened to me. I never learned how to swim, but I always avoided waters like the plague. During my acting career, I only had to swim once, but I was with David Castañeda, who played my love interest. I let him know that I was scared of water. He promised me he wouldn’t let go and the director actually loved the twist we gave to that swimming pool scene.

However, David knew I was scared of water, but didn’t know I couldn’t swim. Now I told Henry and in a matter of days, the rest of the world will know too, when this episode will air.

Henry doesn’t say anything. I bet he is mad, I think to myself. Fuck, I really let him down, didn’t I?

‘I’m sorry,’ I say, ‘that I let you down.’

His gaze softens. ‘You didn’t,’ he tells me. ‘I shouldn’t have pushed. I should’ve calmed you down. It was obvious that it really scared you.’ Henry sighs deeply. ‘But Adelaide… Why can’t you swim?’ he asks.

I could tell him. The whole world will know I can’t swim in the near future, why not tell them the entire story? ‘We didn’t have the money back when I was younger to go for swimming lessons,’ I say. ‘And I haven’t had the chance to do it now.’

Henry nods. ‘There is a pool in the backyard,’ he says, a telling smile toying on his face. ‘How about, over the course of these two weeks, you and I try it. It’s not deep and I’m there with you every second.’

‘Why?’

He shrugs, as if he is a little embarrassed that he offered, but he shouldn’t be. It’s just that I’m surprised, because the last time someone offered something like that to me… That was so long ago. I think it was when I still lived at home. I always do everything myself and people on set know that I tend to be very independent, so they don’t try. But Henry doesn’t ask or offer, he just does it. In the days that I’ve come to know him, he has been nothing but a gentleman. He made me breakfast and when we were cooking dinner, the oil was splashing over the pan. Before I could step aside, Henry grabbed another pan to shield me from the hot oil. The way he lifted me up during the obstacle course when I couldn’t reach the bars and how he caught me when I fell.

‘Well,’ he says, ‘because I think everyone should know how to swim.’

I smile and say: ‘Well, let’s consider it,’ I say. ‘We finished last, didn’t we?’

‘Yeah, we did,’ he says. ‘But don’t apologize for it, please. I don’t want you to feel bad about it. We were really great during this first challenge, so we’ll climb our way back to the top.’ Henry sends me a dashing smile and I can’t help but blush a little bit. ‘How about you get ready for tonight, then I’ll go and make you something to eat.’

‘Ready for tonight?’

‘Trivia night,’ he says.

I nod. I can’t seem to tear my eyes from him, as I look into his soft eyes. When I first met him, I thought he had that stern look in his face and I still did think that from time to time, but in those days that we spend together, it never looked like this. ‘Right, I’ll get myself ready.’

After a fifteen minute shower, I get dressed in a jeans skirt, with a simple black shirt that I tugged in. I paired it with the same white sneakers I wore the first day. I keep my hair and make-up pretty simple.

Henry made some sandwiches. I never knew that I thought it was attractive that a man could cook, but I sure do know now. Come to think of this, I never really thought about what I wanted for traits in a man.

My parents were happy with one another, but I feared that one day, I ended up like them. Poor, overworked, with two kids and a husband, who maybe felt—just like my dad—that he had to take care of us. Besides, I never experienced love. I never fallen in love, I only had on stage kisses and sex scenes. It was never real.

Maybe I’m way ahead of myself, but I feel something. I feel cared for. I feel noticed. I feel appreciated. Like I’m worth it. And that’s all thanks to Henry Cavill.

◎ ◎ ◎

Everyone seems concerned about me, but after I reassure everyone I am okay, we take place at three different tables, one for each duo. I take a seat on the chair. It’s a little colder than I imagined and I curse myself for not bring a jacket with me. I rub my upper arms as the crew is setting everything up, checking if our mics are working well enough, making sure the screen works.

Henry stands up as he wiggles out of his cosy vest, before placing it without a word on my shoulders.

‘Oh, that’s not necess— uh… needed,’ I say to him.

‘I’m not cold,’ he tells me, as he sits down next to me again. I want to stop my smile, but I can’t help it.

‘Thank you, Henry,’ I say in a soft tone, as if I don’t want him to hear me, but seeing how the corners of his mouth curl up, I know that he heard me.

The game is pretty simple: there is a host who asks a question and you have to answer it. It’s fairly easy and I almost feel like they are taking it easier because of me.

Every team has a button in front of them and ours meows like a cat.

‘What country won the first FIFA World Cup in 1930?’ the hosts asks.

Meow. ‘Uruguay,’ I answer, as I retract my hand from the button. .

Even the host seems impressed. ‘That is correct.’ On the screen behind him, I see that we are actually first now, with only one point, but it feels nice to be ahead of someone else, because of what I did. ‘Okay, next question. Which boxer was known as “the Great—’

Meow. That is not because of me, but because Henry slammed the button a little harder. Guess he doesn’t know how strong he is. ‘Muhammed Ali,’ he answers.

‘Correct.’ Why does the host not seem impressed now? Okay, this is nothing to be surprised about, so I should stop letting the subtle differences in reaction get to my head. It’s true, I’m pretty stupid according to the public.

And besides, we only had two questions and I had one right.

‘What animals have the longest gestation period?’

No one presses the button and I tap Henry on his leg. He looks at me and I usher him closer. ‘What is a gestation period?’

‘Pregnancy,’ he whispers, his hot breath against my lips, that start to tingle as a response. I shouldn’t get distracted because of that.

Meow. ‘An African Elephant,’ I answer.

We are ahead now with three points. I can’t help but beam with pride. Maybe the public will think a little more highly of me now.

‘What does HTTP stand for?’

Meow. ‘HyperText Transfer Protocol,’ Henry says with a smile.

‘What year was the first model of the iPhone released?’

Meow. ‘2007,’ Henry answers with ease.

He knows a lot, I think to myself. I look to the side for a second and I wonder what goes on in his head, right now and basically every single time we’re just alone. He can look at me in a way that I can’t explain and I don’t even understand why he looks at me like that.

We continue to answer multiple questions correctly and the meow is one of the only sounds that we hear. By the time we reached ten points, I discovered that Charlie and Jennifer’s sound is a bark and when we reached fifteen points, I found out that the Biebers’ sound was a chicken.

Who were the founders of Adidas? (Rudolf and Adolf Dassler—I knew this one.) Some Greek mythology questions that I knew nothing about, but Henry did and he seemed so giddy to explain it all to us, though no one seemed cared, besides me probably, because I could listen to this man for days on end. Together we knew the seven world wonders, who the Danish author was who wrote many fairy tales and they even asked us what Superman’s birth name was…

While Superman is in the room.

We are way ahead of everyone with twenty points, Charlie and Jennifer have ten (who knew that babies weren’t born with kneecaps—for knowing that alone I feel like they should win) and Justin and Hailey have nine. But the next question we can think about for a few seconds and it’s worth fifteen points. So we either become second or first, depends on how well we do.

‘Name these chemical elements of the periodic table. Ge, Sn, Rf, K and Ba.’

Henry places his arm on the back of my chair and leans over. Gosh, he is really close. Not that I’m complaining, but feeling his body heat so close to mine and it’s not even acting… Why does that make me feel all sorts of things?

‘Ge is Geranium,’ he whispers, ‘and Ba and Barium.’

‘K is Potassium,’ I say in a soft tone. ‘So we only have Sn and Rf left. Sn is Tin.’

‘You know a lot,’ he says with a smile.

Does he mean that? Did he just say I know a lot? Me, the Hollywood ditz? ‘Rf is Rutherfordium,’ I whisper.

Meow. Henry presses the button and he looks at me, non verbally asking me if I want to answer this, but I simply shake my head. He names them in order and everyone seems impressed, but before they can give him a compliment (I know the host is desperate to call him ‘Handsome Henry with a Brain’ again. He did it seven times already and it was annoying the first time, let alone the seventh time), Henry says: ‘I only knew Geranium and Barium. Adelaide is the real genius here.’

◎ ◎ ◎

It’s twelve ‘o clock when Henry and I are in bed, both staring at the ceiling. Normally I’m in bed long before he is, but today we’re awake in the bed together. The only reason why I get into bed early, is that I hope I can fall asleep before he gets in.

But not today.

‘I have something I want to ask you,’ Henry says. ‘I’ve been thinking about this for awhile.’

‘Okay?’

‘Are you dyslexic?’

He could’ve given me a slap across my face and that wouldn’t have shocked me as much as this question. I push myself up, so I’m sitting. ‘Why?’

‘Just wondering.’

I simply shrug. ‘I don’t know. I never got tested back in school.’

‘Why not?’ Henry sits up straight as well and from the corners of my eyes, I see him placing his pillow on the headboard. That one curl covers part of his forehead and it’s almost a signature look when we are in the cottage.

‘The teachers didn’t care and we didn’t have a lot of money,’ I explain. It feels weird and uncomfortable to open up to him, however on the other hand, it feels right to have this out in the open. ‘And I don’t want to get tested now,’ I whisper. ‘I’m an adult, I can manage.’ I finally force myself to look over my shoulders, only to see that same soft look in his eyes, that I almost grown accustomed to. ‘What?’

‘Nothing,’ he whispers. ‘I just want to say to you that I underestimated you and—’

I can’t help but chuckle. ‘You are not the only one,’ I interrupt him. ‘It’s okay.’

‘No, Adelaide, it’s not okay.’

The sternness in his voice, make me turn around on the mattress completely, so I can look at him. ‘I did it myself, Henry. Really, it’s okay, don’t worry about it.’

Henry moistens his lips, before he clears his throat. ‘Then I won’t worry about it. Just know that I—now—think very highly of you.’

‘You don’t need to,’ I say as a frown appears between my brows. ‘Henry, what is really the case?’

He rubs his face, resists even and he actually looks really frustrated. ‘It’s just that I’m trying to figure you out, but I can’t seem to actually get to know you.’

‘There is not much to know,’ I say, but he shakes his head and says: ‘There is. You are so intriguing, Adelaide, you don’t even know it.’

I don’t really know what to say. He thinks there is much to know about me and that I’m intriguing? ‘Oh.’

‘And I get that it can be hard to open up, truly, I know, but… We have to work together. Wouldn’t it be better if we knew something about each other?’

Okay, that’s a fair point. ‘You tell me something first,’ I say to him.

‘Like what?’ he says, genuinely looking relieved that I’m going along with it.

I tilt my head as I look in his eyes as I take in the brown spot on his left eye, that is surrounded by a beautiful blue. ‘You want to win?’

Henry frowns, probably confused by my question, but when he sees I’m dead serious, he nods. ‘Of course,’ he says, ‘I’m competitive. Why was that your question?’

‘Because now I know that I have to work extra hard not to let you down. It doesn’t really matter to me if I win or not.’

‘You won’t let me down, Adelaide.’

‘I did already,’ I say, ‘and don’t try to convince me otherwise. Now, what do you want to know about me?’

He tilts his head and says: ‘You have a nickname?’

And he thought my question was a bit weird? I snort. ‘My parents called me Dasom. That’s my Korean name.’

‘Really?’ he asks. ‘I didn’t know that.’

No one knows that. ‘But other than that I don’t really have a nickname. People call me Park every now and then, but that’s it.’

‘What does Dasom mean?’

‘Love,’ I whisper. ‘Because, as my parents always say: I was born out of pure love.’ I roll my eyes, because I hate the cliché, but thankfully I was born out of love. It meant that I was welcomed in their lives, though they were poor and barely had anything.

‘That’s sweet,’ he says. ‘So, no one called you Addy for example?’

‘Come to think of it, Keanu Reeves called me Addy every now and then. Especially when we were doing stunts for the movie and he had to encourage me.’

‘Can I call you Addy?’

The fact that he asks me if he can call me Addy, shows me that he is so much more than the news outlets let him to be. Of course, he is handsome, but there is more than just looks. He is intelligent, caring and a real gentleman. Though he can look slightly intimidating, he is a big softie. ‘I would like that, Henry.’

As much as I want to sleep, I can’t. I’m too awake for that, maybe because of the thrill that we are actually ahead of the others now. Who knows how long that will last…

‘You want to do something?’ Henry suggests. ‘I’m not as tired as I figured I would be.’

‘Like what?’

‘You want to swim?’

◎ ◎ ◎

Henry is already swimming laps in the pool, as I try to build up the courage to actually walk out of the door to the pool. I have a large towel wrapped around me, to hide my red and white striped bathing suit.

I can do this, I think to myself. I wore a skimpy bikini for a movie, I’ve been naked on sets with the crew around me. This isn’t too hard.

I walk out of the cottage and see that Henry leans with his under arms on the edge of the pool, placing his chin on one of them. ‘There you are,’ he says with a smile.

I dip my toe in the water and start to shiver, goosebumps appearing on my entire body. ‘It’s cold,’ I mumble. ‘And it looks too deep.’

‘It’s not. It’s only one meter sixty.’

‘I’m one fifty,’ I retort. ‘What if I drown?’

‘I’m not letting that happen,’ he says. ‘I promise you, Addy.’

The use of that nickname, makes my feel all sorts of things. Normally I’m not too keen on nicknames, but I could get used to this.

I fold the towel, before I place it on the floor and I sit on the edge of the pool, as my legs dangle in the cold water. Henry bumps his elbow against the side of my thigh and he asks: ‘Ready?’

Maybe it’s because of the dim lighting of the lanterns outside, or the reflection of the water, but he looks even more ethereal than other times. My eyes fall on his beautifully formed lips, that curl up in a smile.

‘I am,’ I say.

He stands in front of me and I place my hands on his broad and tight shoulders. I shimmy myself off the edge, into the cold water. Despite the fact that his large hands in the dips of my waist, makes me all warm from the inside, the water is really cold. Henry starts to laugh, probably because I scrunch up my entire face like I’m a Sharpei dog. ‘Maybe you should keep breathing, because I can’t have it that you pass out on me twice within one week.’

‘Shut up,’ I shiver, as I hold on tightly to his shoulders. ‘You’re not going to let me go, right?’ I ask, just in case.

‘Of course not,’ he whispers.

For a second I envision we’re having a moment together, but then I realize that’s not the case, because he takes a step backwards and we are further away from the edge. I can still reach over to my left, so I’m directly at the other edge, but it does terrify me a bit.

‘Henry,’ I say.

‘Yes?’

‘I’m scared.’

‘I know,’ he tells me, squeezing my waist to let me know that he is there. ‘But there is no need for you to be scared. You just have to grow comfortable in the water and that takes time.’ Henry’s voice is soft and I have to take a deep breath. ‘You’re doing great.’ He slowly takes more steps backwards and smiles at me, as if he knows that that comforts me.

After two laps of him walking backwards and me moving my legs (I don’t know why I do that, but it just happens), I feel more and more accustomed to the water. Still, I don’t want to let go of Henry for one single second, because the fear that I might drown is still there. For the other two laps, he wraps his arm around my waist, as I hold onto the edge and my other arm around his shoulder.

Henry lifts me on the edge, before he hoists himself next to me. He reaches behind him to grab my towel and wrap it securely around my shoulders. ‘How was it?’ he asks.

‘It was good,’ I admit. ‘I mean, I still don’t want to swim myself, but it’s not that scary anymore.’ I look to the side, only to discover that he was already looking at me. From the looks of it, he is looking at my lips, but I must’ve hallucinated that. ‘Thank you,’ I say, to break the silence between us.

‘You’re welcome,’ he says, his voice low.

I smile, before I stand up and hurry back inside. I was making that up, wasn’t I? He wasn’t totally staring at my lips?

Or was he?

◎ ◎ ◎

After the first episode was aired, showing the first few days of the duos together, these were the favorite tweets of the producers of ‘the Celebrity Project’

Taglist: @thelastsock​ // @jolly-polly​ // @henrythickcavill​ // @maan24​ // @diegos-butt​ / @agniavateira​ // @onlyhenrys​ // @turkish276​ //

[galaxymysteryelephant]

The Start of Something New 2

The second chapter is up, you can read it here.

Part one; Chapter one

---

There is a knock on Rex’s door promptly at 1800 hours.

It is as he goes to answer the door that he realizes he is nervous. He has to laugh at himself. Of all the things he experienced in his life and faced head on, this is the most nervous he has ever been.

Rex channels his nervous energy into opening the door. “Hey Ben,” he greets when he sees the auburn haired man waiting to be invited in. “Please come on in.”

“I bought these for you,” Ben says as he hesitantly holds out flowers, a bouquet of pink stargazer lilies.

Rex smiles as he accepts the flowers from Ben. “These are so beautiful.” He brings the flowers to his face and inhales their glorious scent. “Please make yourself comfortable while I go put these in some water.”

Rex watches as Ben removes his coat and hangs it by the door before heading to his kitchen to find a vase for his flowers.

“How was your day?” Rex asks with his head in a cabinet.

“It was alright,” Ben states. “I spent the afternoon with my brother, thankfully not talking about his wedding.”

“Is he your only sibling?” Rex asks as he fills the vase he found with water.

“Yes. Though I am quite close with one of his friends, and I think of her as a younger sister. What about you?”

“It is just Cody and I.” Rex places his flowers in the vase, then places the vase in the center of his island.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Ben says as he hands Rex a bottle of wine. “It is a berry moscato and should pair well with dinner. “

Rex gives Ben a soft smile and gently scolds him, “I said you didn’t need to bring anything.”

“I know, I just hated the idea of coming here empty handed.”

“Dinner should be ready soon. Please take a seat while I check on it.”

Ben takes a seat at the island as Rex checks on dinner. “How was your day?” Ben asks.

“Not too bad, it just got a whole lot better, if I am being honest.” Rex flashes Ben a flirtatious smile. Rex grabs two plate settings and sets out to serve two portions of food. “I hope you are hungry,” Rex states as he places one of the plate settings in front of Ben.

“It smells and looks delicious,” Ben claims.

“You don’t need to wait for me, dig in. I am going to get two glasses for the wine.”

As Rex pours wine into two glasses he cannot help but hear the pleased moans escaping Ben’s mouth at the taste of the food.

“Did you add any spices to this?” Ben questions when Rex sits across from him.

“The only thing I really seasoned was the chicken. And I seasoned it with fresh basil, thyme, oregano, rosemary, and mint.”

“It is really good. I love how all of the flavors work together. And the chicken flavor seasoned the vegetables really well too.” Ben smiles at Rex, “Where did you learn to cook?”

“My parents mainly.”

“I think you could have made it as a cook,” Ben admits.

“Technically I am one; I cook at the firehouse.”

“Is that an experience you like?”

“Yes and no,” Rex starts. “The thing about cooking at the firehouse is that we always need to be prepared for a call, so it’s better to make something that is quick and easy or can be eaten in a hurry. So, it is mostly sandwiches or the like. I have recently encouraged everyone to start bringing in stuff from home, so we can just heat it up when we have downtime. Yesterday, Jesse brought in a big pot of chili that he made, it was so good.”

Ben gives Rex a small smile. “Do you enjoy being a firefighter?”

“I love it,” Rex replies.

“How long have you been a firefighter?”

“About three years. Earlier this year, I received that rank of captain for all of my hard work,” Rex states proudly.

“Did you always want to do this?” Ben asks curiously.

Rex lets out a small sigh, “No. I wanted to have a career in the military.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I enlisted after high school and served for three years. My career was looking bright, I received the rank of captain and was happy, before I got discharged,” Rex explains.

“What happened?”

“I was injured on a campaign and deemed unfit for duty,” Rex gives the short version of events.

“Rex, I know you probably don’t want to worry me but I am curious. I want to know everything about you. So, can you tell me what happened,” Ben says after a moment.

Rex sighs and gives a curt nod. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts before he begins.

“It was midday and we were trying to siege an outpost in the middle of nowhere. I was with a small squad when a battle broke out. At some point during the battle, I was shot. But adrenaline was pumping through me that I didn’t notice until after the skirmish was won. Pain surged through my body and I passed out.

“When I came to one of my men was by my side. He was pale and I knew from the look in his eyes that it didn’t look good, that I might not make it out alive. He told me that I was shot several times in the chest and shoulder. He had his hands pressed on my chest wound to stop the bleeding. I can still recall the smell of iron in the air and how blood stained his hands were as he called for a medic.

“The medic performed an emergency surgery right there in the middle of a battlefield. He removed two bullets from my chest which were mere centimeters from my heart. He requested an emergency evacuation and rushed me back to base, where I could receive better medical attention. When I reached base, I was rushed into another surgery due to complications.  

“A day later, I was scheduled for another surgery, this time for my shoulder. The bone was shattered and the ligaments torn. The medics fixed it up as best as they could but doubted that it would ever heal properly, even with physical therapy.

“They informed my commanding officer of my medical condition. He came down to check on me himself. He advised me that I needed to pass evaluations, in order to go back to the frontlines. I failed every evaluation and was deemed unfit for service. They discharged me as a result. When I came back home I had to undergo a couple more surgeries and lots of physical therapy.”

Rex can see the pity that Ben holds for him in his gaze. It is one of the reasons he doesn’t talk about his time in the military.

“You must be stronger to overcome such trauma,” Ben states into his now empty plate.

“I suppose you can say that. To me it was more patience than anything.”

“If you don’t mind my asking how old were you?” Ben questions.

“I was 20.” Rex looks at Ben and clears his throat until the other man meets his gaze. “Not to be rude or anything but can we please talk about something else?”

“Of course.” Ben gives Rex a small smile, “My apologies if I made you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t. I just think it is a heavy topic for a first date.”

“Is that what this is?” Ben asks teasingly, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, I thought it was obvious. We have a homemade dinner and wine.”

Ben laughs. “When did you decide to open the coffee shop?”

A smile takes over Rex’s features. “About a year ago. Cody came up with the idea actually.”

“So, why open a coffee shop if you are a successful fireman?”

“Believe it or not, the firehouse is underfunded. We have fund-raised but never raised enough money. Cody proposed opening a coffee shop where the profits and proceeds can go to getting equipment needed for the firehouse. Since opening the coffee shop we have been able to get another engine.”

“Cody seems like a wise man.”

“He is,” Rex smiles proud of his older brother. “If it weren’t for him the firehouse would only have one engine and one rescue. We have a greater response time now with the other engine.”

“That is great. I take it you and Cody are close to have decided to open a business together.”

“We are. He is not only my brother but my best friend. We have done so much together and have always been there when the other needs them. We have gone through a lot of hard times which only brought us closer together.”

“That sounds like a nice relationship. My brother and I are close but not as close as you and Cody. My brother and I are often at odds; we disagree about so much.”

“Well that is brothers for you. You may not always see eye to eye on things, you may annoy the shit out of each other, but you always have each other's backs.”

Rex gives Ben a quick smile and holds up his glass of wine, which has remained untouched until now. “How about a toast?”

Ben returns Rex’s smile and holds up his half-filled glass, “You can do the honors, dear Rex.”

Rex smiles bigger at the endearment before he comes up with the perfect toast. “To the start of something new.”

“To the start of something new,” Ben repeats.

Their glasses clink and they both take sips of the wine. Smiles dance across their faces when they place the glasses back down on the island.

“I am going to clean up in here and then we can go into the living room to chat and have some pavlova. Does that sound like a plan?”

“Yes,” Ben responds. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You are a guest, please relax.”

“As your guest, I insist on helping you clean up.”

Not wanting to argue and ruin this, Rex reluctantly agrees. The two begin clearing the island and washing the dishes.

Rex allows a comfortable silence to fall between them as they complete the task. He allows his mind to wander.

If Rex is being honest with himself, he thought Ben would have left after he found out about Rex’s past. After all, it is still something that haunts his dreams; it is still something he needs to deal with everyday. Most people do not want to be with someone from the military for that reason, because it puts a strain on the relationship. Rex only hopes that he didn’t ruin this budding relationship with Ben.

Rex is pulled from his thoughts when Ben lightly bumps his hip against Rex’s. It is something so casual and so domestic that Rex cannot help but smile.

I definitely didn't ruin this. 

[thadelightfulone]

The Firm - Chapter 12

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11

Summary: Erik has been hired to find an embezzler for an old friend. The whole gang is back at GBI, ready to fight an old enemy and save their friend. 

Pairing: Erik x Black!OC

Genre: Suspense

Bridges checks the time; it is about 4 in the afternoon. The sun is still out, so they have to make sure they set up where they will not be easily found. Green pulls the SUV into a parking lot across the street from where Gina’s warehouse is located. They are guarded by another abandoned warehouse. Kill’s phone is out, checking for any heat sources coming from the inside of the building. He nods to Green, who parks and gets out to stretch out after the drive.

Kill, Bridges, and Green walk around the SUV together. Inside the back is a trunk full of lethal goodies for their use. Kill pops the lock, showing them the inventory. Matt stays inside, looking on as they make their decisions on what to take with them. All the items are equipped for hand-to-hand combat. They already know that this fight will be up close and personal. Gina made it that way both in her intentions and her chosen location for this meeting.

Bridges is standing there, weighing a .40 caliber Glock in her hands. It has been years since she held one or even had a need to use one. She grabs a 22 round magazine to load the gun, releases the safety, and hands it over to Green. Green thanks her and holsters the gun under his arm.

The Glock 19 that Kill loaded in the car is in his tactical holster on his leg. One side of his matching vest holds two more Glocks and about 4 additional magazines. He takes a moment to once again check his phone screen before reaching for a few throwing knives and an M9 bayonet fighting knife. Bridges stops helping Green and watches as Kill gathers everything he wants, adding it to his vest or his holsters.

Green clears his throat, and Bridges hands him the other gun she loaded for him. He steps back as he has everything he needs. But he grabs a laptop from one of the other bags before getting out of her way. Bridges grabs 2 Glocks and additional magazines for herself. She puts on her tactical vest and loads her weapons.

Once everyone has all their desired weapons, they return to the front of the SUV. On the hood, Kill rolls out the warehouse floor plans that Stacey printed. He sets his phone aside as he looks things over. The screen shows 6 heat signatures surrounding Gina’s building.

“Alright, there are 3 floors, including the basement to the warehouse. Our focus needs to be on the first and lower floors because she would never be dumb enough to use the top to hold hostages.” Pointing to the entrances, he shows Bridges and Green the matching locations on his phone. The two side entrances have two people on them, while the front and back doors only have one.

“It looks like the best way to enter is through the back door since there is an elevator and stairs to the basement on that side.” Green states as he looks at the basement floor plan.

“Do you know how much security she has out here?” Bridges asks.

“Yo Matt! When you met up with her anywhere, how many men did she usually have?”

“Ummm, she always had two near her. But whenever I met her onsite like this, it was about 6 or 8 additional guys. Everyone always near an entrance or something, doubling as a clean-up crew.” Matt sits back again as they all take in what he said.

“So, let’s go with a possible 10-15 total inside and around the warehouse. We won’t be able to detect the others until we get a bit closer.” Green says.

“Not a problem. Once we clear all entrances, we can enter from any point and have enough cover to take out anyone left.” Kill responds.

“Sounds good to me.” Bridges pipes in.

“Now, we wait for it to get darker before going in.” They all jump back in the car, waiting for the sun to set.

---

It has been about an hour since LaNyah found out that every person she holds near and dear is in the crosshairs of one Miss Gina McCoy Williams. Gina left to get them food after LaNyah was settled from her panic attack. While she was gone, Laura shared how she knew who she was. So, now LaNyah knows that Matt didn’t choose her, but Gina did, and her connection to Ashley and Alex was just a bonus. But the connection to Erik was confusing to her, she just met him, but Gina made it sound like more and she didn’t know how to feel about that.

Gina came back in with her two associates, LaNyah recognized them as the guys who moved her from the other room. They had covered dishes in their hands and placed them in front of the women. “Go ahead and eat.” No one moves, “Neither one of you is good to me dead. Now please, Laura, if not for you then for the baby. And LaNyah, I know you just cried everything out. Nibble, if you must, but I promise I did not poison the food. Besides, Kimmy’s makes the best sandwiches.” LaNyah looks at her strangely. Gina waves them both to eat while uncovering her plate.

LaNyah lifts the cover to see her exact order from the last time she met Ashley at Kimmy’s Café – grilled chicken club on sourdough, fries, and fruit with a side of ranch. She groans while looking at it, since that was also the day she figured out that she had a small crush on her new boss, Erik. She was about to put the cover back on when her stomach gurgled loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. She looks over at the two men, who are tucking into their meals. Laura has pulled apart the sandwich and is picking at the inside.

Gina glances over at LaNyah. “You have been intravenously fed for the last three days. Eat up while you can. Or should I have them replace the IV for you?” LaNyah picks up a fry and dips it in the ranch. “Good girl. Thank you. I really do hate to be mean to other women.” She wipes her mouth, “When we finish eating, I will continue with my story.”

Laura scraps the plate with the fork, “You aren’t done?”

“Oh no, I need you to understand why they must be destroyed.”

LaNyah mumbles, “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“Of course, you wouldn’t, dear.” Gina drops her napkin in her lap. “Since you both are so chatty, I guess now is as good a time as any.” Laura and LaNyah sigh in unison as Gina moves around, taking LaNyah’s old chair since they are both on the couch now.

“I would rather eat if you don’t mind.” Laura tries to pull the sandwich together and takes a big bite and smiles.

“Oh, I’m not stopping you. Enjoy your meal. It will probably be your last anyway.” Gina looks at her watch, then crosses her legs getting comfortable. “Now, where were we?” She taps her knees before clapping her hands. “Yes, Erik ‘Killer’ I mean ‘Killmonger’ Stevens. Boy, does that man have quite the reputation. He killed 5 men all by himself once while on a mission. Came out unharmed, barely a scratch on him. I mean, do you know what kind of cold-blooded killer would do something like that?”

“You said they were all military. That sounds job-related to me. Kill or be killed, right?” Laura wipes her mouth with a napkin.

“Sure, when you kill your enemies. And that time, he did. But the last time was the murder of a known associate.” Gina stands and paces the room, “He set up a shooter’s nest and gunned down my brother like he was picking off a deer. If it really were enemy fire, then someone else would have been there with him, and he would not have drowned on his own blood with no attempt at saving his life.” Her voice is increasing in volume as she shares the details, choking on a sob. “He planned it out to the last detail, even brought in help to lie for him. He left enemy guns at the scene so no one would question him or the others about what happened. They crafted the perfect story together. Him and Green.”

“How do you know all of this?”

“Why are you telling us this?” Laura is louder than LaNyah, who has stopped eating and has curled up on the couch. But Gina heard them both.

Looking towards Laura, “I have my ways. And money talks even in the military.” She waits until LaNyah cautiously glances her way, “I want you to know the truth about your beloved Erik.” LaNyah opens her mouth to talk, but Gina cuts her off, “It’s not hard to see why he would fall for someone like you. I mean opposites do attract. And it can’t get any further apart than the two of you.”

LaNyah is listening, but she is not comprehending what Gina just said. Erik doesn’t like her. She likes him, but he would never want a girl like her. She occupies a small space compared to what he has seen and experienced —and he’s done much more, all over the world, according to Gina’s rambling about his military career. A man like that goes for the Staceys of the world. A woman who knows herself and actually lives life. LaNyah’s life is too narrow for someone like that.

Her head is spinning as Gina continues talking, more for Laura at this point since she has tuned out. Her crush is not going anywhere. They work together, and that’s it. LaNyah can think or figure that mess out later. She just needs to focus on the fact that they should be coming to save her and Laura; she rolls her eyes at the thought of the woman. She hates her for something that Nyah was used for; how does that even work. I AM THE PAWN PEOPLE!  

She hears a far way sound that becomes clearer when she blinks. LaNyah looks up to find Gina standing right in front of her. “What?”

“Just wanted to make sure that you are here. I can’t have you hiding in that pretty little head of yours. I need you here.”

“It’s not like I can go anywhere,” LaNyah grumbles.

“Very true.” Gina looks down at her watch again. Sending a signal to her men, who suddenly walk out of the room. “Why don’t you both go over to the beds? Get comfortable.”

“I’m fine right where I am.” Laura nods in agreement scooting closer to her and grabs LaNyah’s hands. If they are safe anywhere right now, it is next to one another.

Gina takes a seat on the chair beside the couch. “Suit yourselves. Doesn’t matter to me.” LaNyah looks at Laura, who is just as confused after watching Gina, who grabs a book from the table and starts reading.  

---

Green drives the SUV behind Gina’s warehouse after getting an all-clear from Kill. He ran across a few minutes before and slit the throat of the guard on backdoor duty. Any gunshots too early would give them all away. He pulled out the laptop to see if he could pinpoint the rest of them inside the warehouse.

As they pull up, he runs over to them, “I got ‘em.” Kill announces as he jumps in. He opens the laptop, angling it for all to see, “There are 10 men total on this level – it looks like she increased the number surrounding the building, and then there are three between the stairwell and elevator.”

“That doesn’t count the men that Matt says she normally has with her.” Green counts off.

“They are probably below with her, and we won’t see that until we clear the first floor.” Kill states. Green shakes his head.

“Are we handling this like earlier? Two rush front?” Kill nods in the affirmative at Green.

“You’ll stay here with Bridges until we get everyone out.” Kill tells Matt, as he stands beside the SUV stretching out his limbs. The sky is pink and orange over the horizon, so they all stepped out, ready to make their move.

“Excuse me!” The high pitch screech comes from the other side of the vehicle.

“I didn’t stutter, Bridges.” Kill rolls his eyes as Ashley makes her way in front of him. “You are watching Matthew. End. Of. Story.”

Puffing out her chest, “Did you not just hear what I told my husband earlier?” Kill looks at the plans in his hands, rolling them up before turning to her.

“Yeah, and you are here. So, you will get to see LaNyah after we save her.” He steps up to her, forcing her to look up at him, “But you will not be joining us inside the warehouse. So, get comfy out here.”

“Seriously? I can be useful in there, Kill.” He turns away from her, focusing on the heat sensors showing up on the computer screen on the back seat. Bridges stomps away. “This is bullshit.”

“Ashley, come here. “ She walks over to her husband. “We need someone to handle shit out here. Remember, she has more men than us. You see anyone run out; you shoot they ass. No questions asked.”

Rolling her eyes, “Lookout?”

“The most important part of the job, sweets.” He tries to hug her, but she pushes him away. “Love you, too.”

Bridges roughly grabs Matt dragging him to the front driver’s seat. “Get in, sit down and shut up.” When Matt is comfortable in the seat, she cuffs his hands together, then pulls the steering wheel down, and with a chain locks his cuffs to the wheel. “He’s locked in tight.”

“Great. Make your way around to the front. Green and I have the side entrances.” He looks over at Bridges, who pulled out her gun. “On my signal,” Kill points towards the building, and they all move forward in unison spreading out to their locations.

As soon as Bridges makes it around the corner to the front of the warehouse, she immediately opens fire on the guys standing there. 3 shots, 3 bodies drop. Damn, the front was only supposed to have one, maybe 2 guys up there. She carefully walks through them, shooting each one a second time to make sure they don’t get up.

Making her way to the entrance, she notices a wide-open space with a desk in the back. Bridges hears movement headed her way. Lifting her gun, she ducks as a bullet passes to her left. She runs behind a stack of boxes, peeking out before and shooting out at the two men running towards her. One drops and the other makes it to her as she puts her foot out to trip him. She steps over him and shoots him in the head.

She walks the rest of the warehouse floor, checking for anyone else and goes back outside. The front is now clear. Bridges moves back to the edge of the building to watch for any strays who might run out.

---

Gina looks up as her two personal guards and another man enter the room. They are dragging something behind them. “We found him tied up to the side of the building, Boss.”

A piercing scream shatters the once quiet basement as Laura looks up to see Matt standing between Gina’s men.  

Jumping up, she claps in excitement, “Our guests have arrived. Go ahead and sit him next to Laura.” The men drop Matt on the couch; he reaches over and holds Laura, who is crying loudly into his chest. “Now, the fun begins.”

LaNyah says nothing as she watches the two blubbering idiots next to her. All she knows is that if Matt is here, so is everyone else. Her friends, the cavalry, and they are here for her. And them, or whatever.

Gina moves to stand near LaNyah and signals her men to stand near the door. The other man radios for back up but hears nothing but static on the other end. LaNyah curls up on the couch as they listen to the barrage of gunfire above them.

---

Green has his gun out and shoots down the first guy to approach him. The other two run out of the side entrance towards him, guns blazing, and he gets nicked on the shoulder right as he hits one in both knees. He rolls along the building, killing the man on the ground and shoots the last guy standing before slipping into the side entrance door.

Kill sneaks up on the first guard near the back of the building. He once again takes out his M9 knife and brings it across his neck. Lowering his body to the ground, he continues forward to the side door. Two men with guns turn around and let off a couple of rounds. Kill throws the knife and pulls out his gun, shooting the one who is still facing him. As the other guy swings away, grabbing his shoulder, Kill walks up and shoots him through the temple.  

Green leans against the wall waiting for Kill to appear on the other side directly across from him. He hears a few more pops before Kill bounds through the side entrance. They nod to the other and move forward as one heading to the back of the warehouse where the stairwell and elevator are. Kill pulls out his phone to check for the location of everyone down below. They can make out 5 shapes down below. Moving towards the stairwell, they hear some shuffling and immediately turn their guns on the person approaching them.

“What the fuck, Bridges?”

“God damnit, Ashley!” Kill and Green exclaim as she bounces into view.

“What are you doing here? And where is Matt?” Kill quickly rushes out.

“I have him locked up outside of the building. Besides, I figured you could use the help.” She explains.

“Bridges -” Kill groans.

“No Kill, I want this bitch.” Bridges cuts him off, “I’m going down there with you. Done deal.”

“Fine, take the center.” He concedes and allows her to step in front of him.

Green leads them down the stairs leading to the basement. Bridges follows, and Kill pulls up the rear. They know everyone is located in the center of the basement. Walking along the right side, they slowly approach the door leading to the massive room. In a semi-circle, the group looks at one another before Green steps forward, kicking the down the door as Kill and Bridges rush through.

All three of them are standing at the top of the room, looking down at everyone when Gina’s men move in. 3 loud bangs are heard as each one of her men hit the floor. In the same order, they make their way down the stairs. Bridges notices Matt on the couch with Laura, motioning to Green, so he knows.

Gina watches all of them before snatching LaNyah up from the couch. She holds her right in front of her as all the guns in the room turn towards her.

“Hello Everyone! It’s nice to meet you finally.” Gina cheerfully greets the trio. Matt covers Laura as he watches all of them keep their guns on Gina. “See LaNyah; I told you they would come. It was only a matter of time.”

LaNyah looks up after gaining her balance when Gina pulled her off the couch. All her friends are here, but she has never seen them like this. If looks could kill, Gina would be dead where she stands, and Nyah would be caught in the middle. All the guns were pointed at Gina, but also her since Gina is using her as a shield.

Ashley is off to the left, hair in a disheveled bun with specks of blood splattered across her face. Mr. Green is standing near Laura and Matt on the right, keeping an eye on them with two guns up. Is that a hole in his arm? LaNyah shakes her head, and then there’s Erik. He is dead center watching her with that same intensity that he always does, but it just feels scarier somehow. Like a caged lion prowling the land, ready for action at the slightest movement. He also has a gun in each hand and blood all over the front pocket of his fatigues. There they are her friends, the soldiers.

“Everyone put your guns down.” Gina calmly requests, to no response. “NOW!” She yells. Still, no one budges. “Of course.” Pulling LaNyah closer to her chest, she whispers loud enough for the room to hear. “You know why he won’t shoot me, right?” LaNyah knows who she is talking about but closes her eyes, so she doesn’t have to meet his gaze. Gina shakes her, “Open your eyes! Go ahead and look at your Killer lover.”

“Leave her alone, Gina!” Kill yells out, lowering his guns. “I get it; you want us all. But I did it, so deal with me.”

“Look at him, trying to be all chivalrous. It’s only because I have you.” Gina continues to speak in her ear. “Just look at him.” LaNyah opens her eyes to see Erik lowering both of his guns to the floor, and kicking them away from him. The look on his face, what is that? LaNyah bows her head, looking away from him.

“Let her go. You can take me instead, and no one else has to die.” Kill lifts his hands in surrender.

Locking LaNyah’s arms to her side much tighter now, Gina looks at him. “Now, you want to show some compassion? Where was your sympathy when it came to my brother, huh?” Gina slowly walks back towards the table, “Fuck you, Killmonger!”

Ashley has been watching LaNyah the whole time, and when she finally catches her eyes, she makes a signal to her. As soon as Gina reaches back to grab something from the table, she shouts, “NOW NYAH!” LaNyah stomps her heel down into Gina’s foot before ducking and rolling out of the way. Bridges aims for Gina taking her down with a double-tap to the chest.

Green goes over to Matt and Laura, leading them out of the building. While Bridges and Kill watch Gina drop, they can hear her struggling to breathe. She grabs at her neck, choking on her own blood, just like her brother did nearly 20 years ago. Bridges approaches Gina and aims one last time, shooting her point-blank in the head.

LaNyah banged her head against the table, rolling away and tries to sit up as Erik rushes towards her. When he leans over with his hands out to help her up, she scoots away, backing up into the wall and bursts into tears. Ashley makes her way over, grabbing her into a hug. “I’m so sorry, sweetie.” She sits down next to her, rubbing her back and starts crying along with her.

Kill stands up and walks over to Gina’s dead body. He looks at the table to find what she was reaching for. There on the edge is a remote clicker with one button. Probably a bomb linked to the whole building. Damn, she was going to take everyone out, including herself. That was one crazy bitch. He disables the remote, leaving all the pieces on the table.

Green returns and taps Kill on the shoulder as he makes his way to Ashley and LaNyah. “Are we good, ladies?”

Ashley looks down at LaNyah, who is sniffling now, “It’s ok, LaNyah. You’re safe now. We got you.” Nyah looks up at everyone, including Kill, who stands besides Green. She nods and follows Ashley’s lead to stand. Ashley takes Green’s hand, and LaNyah just looks at Erik’s outstretched hand. Once Ashley is up, she turns back to LaNyah, who reaches for her. Ashley helps her up and holds her hand.

Erik drops his head as he pulls his hand back. Ashley watches him and smiles sadly in his direction as she and LaNyah walk out of the room. Killmonger vanished as soon as the threat was over. So, now Erik is left to feel the hurt caused by LaNyah being scared of him now. He would never hurt her, but there is no way for her to know that. And even if he would give his life for her, it wouldn’t even matter. Erik is a monster in her eyes.

Alex and Erik walk the room once more to check for any other surprises before leaving out of the warehouse.

---

All is quiet as the group heads towards the SUV. Alex and Erik stand back as they watch both the women they care about get inside the vehicle, safe and sound. Before Erik walks around to the passenger side, Alex pulls him aside.

“Stevens, thank you.” Erik shrugs him off, “I don’t just mean for today.” Erik stops at that. “For everything. For Ashley. Being brave enough to handle McCoy and not letting the military give him a slap on the wrist for what he did. And LaNyah, too. You are the best protector that she could ask for, even if she doesn’t know it.”

Erik looks at him before opening the door to the SUV. “And she probably never will.” Looking inside, he sees Matt and Laura curled up on the 2nd row while LaNyah and Ashley are in the back on the 3rd row. He can hear hushed whispers coming from them. She still wants to be as far away from him as possible. Erik shakes his head and leans back in the seat, closing his eyes. It’s going to be a long ride back to Orange County.   

Chapter 13

Taglist: @killmongersaidheyauntie @muse-of-mbaku @panthergoddessbast @youreadthatright @princessstevens @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @stark-red19 @kreolemami @bidibidibombaclaat  @iamrheaspeaks @missumuch1918 @simplyyamberr @cheychey10142 @ajspencer1892 @chrismarcs @loosewindmill @sydneebleu @semianta @eyeknowmywrites @alexundefined @itsjustmezari @goddessofthundathighs @guccixcucci @kissmyafropuff @gimmeface @fd-writes @jozigrrl @soufcakmistress @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @shaekingshitup @localtrapgod @post-woke @theesotericqueen

[justlookfrightened]

Second Zimbits bingo post #4

Start reading from the beginning

“Stay over”

Jack left shortly after Shitty did, leaving Bitty alone with Lardo for the moment.

“You’re sure he doesn’t mind?” Bitty said. “I can go back to the Haus and make something real quick and bring it back, then get out of here. I mean, he doesn’t seem to like me much.”

“Dude,” Lardo said. “What makes you think he doesn’t like you?”

“He leaves as soon as he can after I show up,” Bitty said. “He hardly talks to me, and he barely had half a slice of my pie. Maybe I should have just gotten out of his hair. Sometimes I can’t help putting my foot in it.”

“You don’t know Jack,” Lardo said. “He talks more to you than most people, especially people he just met. I mean, he owns this shop, and he hardly talks to anyone. He only works the counter when no one else is here, and he’d actually prefer to run the errands than be left to talk to customers. He invited you to stay last night, and probably tonight too, it sounds like. I think he likes you fine.”

“I don’t know,” Bitty said. “It seems like he asked me to stay against his better judgment, like he couldn’t bring himself to send me away. It’s not like I can complain — it was great to have a warm bed last night — but I don’t want to be in the way.”

“In the way of what?” Lardo said. 

Bitty shrugged, then stepped aside as a gaggle of customers came in. 

He moved to look at the bookshelves that lined the walls while Lardo took care of them.

He stopped at the sight of an old copy of Mastering  the Art of French Cooking. Holy cripes. It was a 1961 copy, first edition, but in anything but mint condition. It had been well loved by someone, with food stains on some pages and penciled notes on others.

Bitty was still absorbed when Jack came back, carrying some kind of a salad with nuts and fruit for Lardo, chicken tenders and a grilled chicken sandwich.

“Which one do you want?” Jack said, holding up the tenders and the sandwich. “I’ll take the other.”

Bitty thought Jack looked a little relieved when he chose the sandwich, which was still hot. The lettuce was a bit wilted and the tomato was watery, but the bun was toasted and buttery and the chicken wasn’t dry.

“How much do I owe you?” Bitty asked, rooting in his pocket and coming up with nothing but his recipe book.

“You don’t,” Jack said. “I said I’d get lunch.”

Then Bitty was watching Jack walk away again. He was heading to the back, probably trying to find yet another country to order coffee from.

He finished his sandwich and returned Julia’s master work to the shelf where he found it.

Lardo was free again for a moment, so he approached her and said, “D’y’all know you have a first edition Julia Child on the shelf where anyone can get their grubby fingers on it?”

“I didn’t,” she said. “Jack might. He got all the books. But really, if it’s not about history or coffee, he probably doesn’t care. Or hockey. He still cares about hockey.”

Bitty raised a questioning eyebrow.

“He’s good at hockey, like really good,” she said. “Everyone thought he’d go pro, including all the teams who sent scouts to his games. But when he and Shitty finished their last season, and he had like four offers, he turned them all down, immersed himself in the lore of coffee and bought this place.”

“Which serves as a hangout and place of employment for his friends,” Bitty said. “See, I’m pretty sure it’s just me he doesn’t like.”

“No,” Lardo said. “He just has this thing about — I don’t know if protecting people is the right word. He likes to keep people safe. And he did invite you to hang out here.”

Well.That was true, but Jack was probably just being polite. But in Bitty’s experience, boys — men — like Jack didn’t much want boys like Bitty hanging around them, and Jack had already more than satisfied any obligation he had to keep Bitty from freezing to death.

Besides, Bitty wasn’t doing himself any favors by drooling over someone he couldn’t have. He’d take Jack’s advice, wander the town and maybe even the campus for a while, then go back to the Haus and bake. Maybe he could stop at the station and find out what time he’d have to be there to catch the last train out.

He reached in his pocket for his phone before remembering that he didn’t have one anymore. His parents paid for it, so he’d left it behind. Maybe as soon as he stayed somewhere long enough to get a job, he could get one on a pay-as-you-go plan. 

No phone meant no map, but Samwell wasn’t so big that he got lost. After an hour of walking, he’d decided that Samwell was a cute little town. Or medium town, but not a city by any stretch of the imagination. The university campus looked like it had been designed to look good in college brochures, and Bitty found all the rainbow-colored signs and flags a little disconcerting. He’d commuted from home to Athens for school for two years, and he’d never seen anything like it. He even had to try not to stare, first at two girls holding hands as they strolled by, and then at a boy kissing another boy on the cheek before heading into a building. Instead, he watched the other people to see how they reacted and … they didn’t. They didn’t even seem to notice.

His life would have been different if he’d come somewhere like this right after high school. Sure, he’d have to tell Mama and Coach the truth eventually, but maybe by then he’d have friends, and a place to go if they didn’t react well.

He did make his way to the train station, which was further than he remembered, and discovered that the last train left at 8:32. That should be enough time to make muffins, scones, cookies … maybe even some mini-pies. If he got back to the coffee shop to ride back with Jack soon.

“Ready?” Jack asked, as soon as Bitty returned. 

“Sure,” Bitty said. 

“Oh, you left this.”

Jack was holding out Bitty’s recipe book, his only real connection to home. 

“My gosh, I can’t believe I didn’t miss that,” Bitty said. “Thanks for keeping it safe.”

“No worries,” Jack said. “I wasn’t sure it was yours, so I looked inside. Those recipes are pretty old, aren’t they? Lots of them don’t even have amounts or anything.”

“I got most of them from my MooMaw,” Bitty said, like that explained everything.

Bitty didn’t get the quick start baking that he wanted to. First Jack insisted on stopping at the grocery to get fresh vegetables and fish for dinner. (“You can’t tell me you usually cook. I saw your kitchen.” “I don’t usually have guests.”) Then he wanted to know what ingredients Bitty needed to bake. Bitty wasn’t really sure, not without consulting his book, but he didn’t want Jack thinking too much about it.

“Um, flour,” he said. “Butter and shortening. Baking powder. Sugar. Maybe some chocolate chips?”

Anything else, well, it would be there if he needed it.

Jack headed upstairs for a nap when they got back to the Haus, and Bitty started baking. He’d only just got the muffins in when Jack clattered back down the stairs to say, “I called Johnson. He’s not sure when he’ll be back, but it won’t be tonight. You can have his bed again.”

“Really, I couldn’t,” Bitty said.

“What?” Jack said, looking at the ingredients spread on the counter. “We didn’t buy vanilla, did we? Or this cinnamon. Where did this come from?”

Bitty shrugged. “It’s your kitchen,” he said. “How about I get some biscuits going and we make dinner?”

That worked, for the moment,

Jack ate as soon as the food was done. 

“Shitty’ll be back after he drives Lardo home at eight,” Jack said. “Maybe later, if he stays there. Ransom and Holster usually get back by seven, but they won’t expect dinner.”

“I’m sure there’s enough left,” Bitty said.

“Anyway, I’ll be back about the same time as last night,” Jack said.

As soon as Jack was gone, Bitty worked as fast as he could, turning out enough pastries, muffins and cookies to supply a full bakery counter. He put them on trays, covered them in plastic wrap, and wrote “For Jack” in big letters on paper towels that lay on top. He made a sign that said “For the Haus” to put on the cookies he made that morning, then put on his jacket and slipped out the back door as Ransom and Holster were slipping in the front.

He was pretty sure he could find his way to the station after his afternoon rambles, even if it would be at least an hour’s walk. In the dark, too.

But no one would notice he was gone until Jack, or maybe Shitty, got home, and he should be on the train by then.

Bitty arrived at the station with minutes to spare before the last train. Which was headed south, not where he wanted to go, but needs must. He bought a ticket, spending most of the money he had left, and sat on a bench to wait.

And wait. Because of course the one time he cared how fast he got out of town, the train was late. 

Bitty had zoned out staring at the wall, fantasizing about what it would be like to live in Samwell (to even go to school at Samwell University …) when he was roused by pounding feet on the stone floor.

“Bittle!”

It was Jack. But he should have still been at the shop. It was later than this when Bitty made it there the night before.

“Jack? What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here?” Jack returned. “I thought you were going to stay at the Haus.”

Bitty shrugged, looked at Jack, looked away.

“I was done with what I promised,” he said. “And there was no reason to trespass on your hospitality another night.”

“But … there was no reason you wanted to leave?” Jack said. “No one made you uncomfortable or anything, did they? Shitty told me you seemed a little mad at him this morning.”

Lord. This boy. Lardo was probably right — Jack was just awkward,. He really seemed to be trying.

“No,” Bitty said. “I mean yes, Shitty was a little pushy. But it’s not really his fault that I look twelve. And y’all have done more than anyone could expect to make me comfortable. You don’t need to worry about that.”

“Then why are you leaving? And you must have spent so much to buy the ingredients for the food you left at the Haus.”

“I really didn’t,” Bitty said. “And I’m sorry, Jack, but I just don’t think it’ll get any easier to leave if I stay longer. Maybe y’all’ve been too nice. But I need to find a place to call home, and delaying it by staying here … It’s not a good idea.”

“Please stay over,” Jack said as the train finally pulled into the station. “So we can talk about it. I’ll drive you here myself tomorrow if you really want to leave, but it sounds like you want to stay.” 

“I can’t,” Bitty said. “I don’t have the money for another ticket.”

“I’ll buy one if I have to,” Jack said. “To pay you back for the food. Just, please come back to the Haus with me? Or to the shop for now. There’s something I want to show you.”

Bitty gave a high giggle, because really? Jack had something to show him? Certainly not what Bitty wanted to see, though.

“Not another first edition classic cookbook?”

“Haha, no,” Jack said. “The kitchen. I was thinking — maybe if you stay a while, you could bake there? Make the food for the shop? We haven’t used it since we moved in. You can stay at the Haus. It’s not likely we’ll ever see Johnson again. He said he fulfilled his role in this narrative, whatever that means.”

By the time Jack stopped talking, the train was leaving and Bitty was still on the platform.

“Looks like I missed my train,” he said.

“Yeah,” Jack said. “But maybe … you found a home?”

“I wish it could be,” Bitty said. “But I’d always be wanting what I can’t have.”

“What?” Jack said. “If I know what it is, maybe I can help.”

“Jack, you know I’m gay,” Bitty said.

“Yeah?” Jack said, sounding almost offended. “Did someone give you a problem?”

“No, not here,” Bitty said. “But I learned a long time ago not to fall for a straight boy.”

“Straight boy?” Jack said, looking around like someone else had materialized next to them. “Who?”

Good Lord, Jack was really going to make him say it.

“You, Jack. You’re the straight boy.”

“No, I’m not,” Jack said. “Not straight, I mean.”

He paused.

“Wait a minute,” he said. “You have a crush on me?”

“See, I knew it would be awkward,” Bitty said.

Jack shook his head. 

“Come closer,” he said, staring at Bitty’s face.

Bitty took one step closer, then two. 

“Can I kiss you?” Jack said. “‘Cause I kind of have a crush on you too.”

[lovemesomesurveys]

What type of bread did you use on the last sandwich you made? White bread.

& What was on said sandwich? Bologna, sharp cheddar cheese, mayo, and spinach with a bowl of some olive oil mixed with basil and oregano for dipping.

How many doors are in your house? Like 10.

Got any bad habits? If so, what are they? Biting/picking at my nails and the skin around them, biting/picking my lips, picking acne, poor self-care...

What was the last compliment you recieved, that made you smile? I don’t even remember the last time I received a compliment.

Do you ever lie to your friends? Everyone lies.

If so, do you feel bad about it after? Depends what the lie was about.

Think you need to lose weight? How much? Definitely not. I actually need to put a little on.

When was the last time you watched a VHS movie? Uhhh. According to Google, DVDs became the norm in like 2000/2001, but I feel like we still used VHS tapes for maybe 3 years after that.

What event would you go back in time to see, if you could? Hmm. That’s a tough one.

Do you remember the last thing you said you wanted? Coach did a collab with Star Wars and they have a backpack that I really like. It’s too expensive, though. 

Who was the last friend you hung out with&what’d you do together? It’s been like 4 years since I’ve hung out with anyone outside of my family.

Who is the person, other than a spouse, that you are closest to? I don’t have a spouse, so no problem there. I’m closest to my mom and younger brother.

Do you know when to use ‘to’ & ‘too’? Yes, I know how to use both. I know how to use there/they’re/their, too.

Who do you currently live with? My parents, younger brother, and doggo. 

Favorite board game? I have a few. I love board games.

If you watched it, who was your favorite 'Hey Arnold!’ character? Ha, it’s on my TV right now. I like the whole gang. 

Have any good school pictures? or do they all just suck? My early school year ones are cute. The ones from 4th grade and up are ew.

How old were first kiss? 16.

Do you ever wonder what people think when they look at you? I used to think about that a lot more. It’s weird cause like... I’m very self-conscious and my self-esteem is shit, but I really just stopped even trying with my appearance. Me from a few years ago would be mortified with me now and the way I let myself go out the house. 

Do you like trying on clothes or not? & Why? No. It takes more energy than I care to give. Or just don’t really have.

What are your thoughts on marriage? I don’t see it ever happening for me.

What was your favorite toy as a kid? Barbies.

Do you still play with it or have it? I have them stored away in the garage.

Are you currently IN love with anyone? No.

Difference between loving someone&being in love with someone? Yes or no? Uh, yeah. Big difference. 

Don’t you hate when reruns on TV are in a random order? Depends on the show. If the storylines aren’t connected then I don’t care. Like with a show like Catfish, it doesn’t matter. A show like The Golden Girls, it does.

Do you ever watch any crime shows? I watch the ID channel sometimes with my mom. That’s her favorite thing to watch.

If so, which do you watch the most/is your favorite? Various shows on ID.

Ever smoke pot? Yeah.

Don’t you hate when people you love/care about annoy you with stupid crap? I definitely don’t enjoy being annoyed.

Do you ever get frustrated&say 'nevermind’ when people just don’t get it? Yep.

Still have feelings for an ex? No.

Have you ever SERIOUSLY considered any kind of plastic surgery? No.

What was the last thing you cleaned&why? I cleaned off my bed yesterday cause my mom was changing the sheets and such. I had to move stuff cause my bed has become a storage space for clothes and a desk for my laptop, coloring book, colored pencils, phone, remotes, and Nintendo Switch. 

Don’t those weightloss pill commercials just irritate you? No.

Before taking this survey, what were you thinking of? I was irritated about something.

How long have you lived in the current place you’re living? Almost 10 years.

Do you plan on moving anytime soon, if so where? We want to, but there aren’t any plans to as of now. As soon as we’re able to we will.

Does blood make you queasy? Yes.

Do you ever walk alone at night just because, or does that freak you out? I definitely wouldn’t do that. 

What happened in the last TV show you watched? Phoebe got to move up to the 6th grade, but she didn’t end up liking it so she went back to the 4th grade with her friends. It was an episode of Hey Arnold lol.

Do you ever correct grammar/spelling errors your friends make? Only in my head. I’ll sometimes point out typos to my mom and brother, though. I just tell them personally, I don’t put them on blast.

Or do you just not care about that stuff? I don’t put people on blast for it.

Don’t you think things are getting wayyy too pricey? Yeah. 

Facebook, wasn’t 'become a fan’ better than 'like’? No.

What do you think was the best year you ever had? Childhood years.

Are you more of a follower, or a leader? Be honest. I’m more of a wallflower, ha. 

Are your dreams/nightmares in black&white or color? Hm. I honestly don’t know? 

Or do you not even remember any of them? There’s that, but also I just can’t seem to recall if they’re in color or not.

Have you ever wanted to be some sort of hero outside of videogames? No. I’m no hero.

Will you admit that you’re at least somewhat superficial? I don’t think I am.

Most attractive actor/actress that comes to mind right this second? Alexander Skarsgard of course.

How often do you go to the mall closest to you? I never go anymore. I used to go pretty regularly back when I had a social life.

What physical features can you just not stand about yourself? Just about everything.

Do you still count with your fingers, even if only every so often? I still do.

The last flavor of gum you chewed? Minty gum is the only kind I like.

Have you ever gone on a road trip with just friends? No.

What was the last thing you had to drink & was it yummy? Yeah, it’s a white chocolate Starbucks Doubleshot.

What word or words do you think you say the most? “I don’t know” and “like.” There’s more, but there ya go.

Without trying, do you act differently around different friends? I acted a little different around different people. Not in a fake way, just different levels of comfortableness and different people bring out different things in you. You might be more outgoing and chatty with one person, but more chill with another. 

What was the last thing you drew/wrote on your own or someone elses’ skin? I have no idea.

Did you know your nose continues to grow/get longer as you get older? I think I’ve heard that. I don’t recall if it’s true or not.

The last time you spent money, what was it on & how much did you spend? Christmas presents.

What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on one piece of clothing? Hm. I don’t know.

Don’t you believe you’re not really a vegetarian if you still eat chicken Chicken is a type of meat and vegetarianism is abstinence from meat, so...

Who was the last person you avoided/ignored? Blah.

In elementary school, were you more of the bully or the bullied? Neither.

How much do you say you walk in a week outside of school &/or work? I spend majority of my day in bed. Most activity I have is going from my bed to the kitchen, bathroom, living room, or my parents’ room. Then there’s the doctor visits twice a month and the occasional trip to Walmart, the movies, or some other random outing.

Did the last person you talked to in person annoy you in anyway? They said something that kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

Where are you sitting right now? On my bed of course.

[toomanysurveys9]

1. How many cars have you ever owned? Technically, none have ever been in my name. Both cars I have primarily drove have been in Jacob’s name.

2. Can you do math in your head well? No. Math has never been my strong suit.

3. What’s your least favorite chore to do around the house? I hate, hate, hate putting laundry away. I don’t know why.

4. What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip? Lately I’ve really liked ruffles sour cream and onion.

5. Do you ever read the weather forecast?

Every now and then.

6. Do amusement park rides make you sick? I can’t do too many that spin all at once. Otherwise 

7. Who is your favorite Star Wars character? Chewie!

8. What kind of cheese do you put on your sandwiches? Depends. Usually pepperjack or American though because that’s what everyone else likes here.

9. What radio station do you listen to the most? Either B-100 or U93.

10.Who was the last person to give you a gift? I don’t remember. Someone in Jacob’s family when we did Christmas in January.

11. How old were you when you got your driver’s license? 16.

12. What was the first thing you ever learned how to cook? Either eggs or mac and cheese. I don’t remember.

13. Did you ever collect beanie babies? Not really. I wanted to but my parents never really bought them.

14. When was the last time you got a haircut? It’s been over a year now I’m pretty sure. And it was more a trim than a cut.

15. Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party? My own. It was a combined.

16. How many people can you say you TRULY love? Definitely my family.

17. Where are you most ticklish on your body? My sides maybe?

18. Do you like kids? I have two kids of my own, plus two kid sisters, and I work with kids. So hopefully.

19. Have you ever cheated on a test? Nope.

20. Is your next birthday coming up soon? No.

21. Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail? I have not.

22. What’s the last board game you played? I don’t remember. I never get to play board games.

23. Have you ever given someone a fake phone number? I’m sure.

24. Do you actually eat 3 meals a day? Usually one or two.

25. Do you have any bumper stickers on your car? No.

26. Do you leave good tips when you eat out at restaurants? Usually, yes.

27. What’s your favorite thing to eat at bbqs? Cheeseburgers, unless we’re being super fancy and making steaks..

28. Do you still own any VHS tapes? We have quite a lot actually.

29. How many of your friends have you known for at least 5 years? Most of them.

30. Are you superstitious? No.

31. What was your favorite book as a child? I had so many. But one that sticks out was Inkheart. I checked that one out a lot. 

32. Have you lied to anyone in the last 24 hours? Probably.

33. What’s the most expensive restaurant you’ve ever eaten at? I don’t know. Probably Outback? 

34. How many jobs have you had? Too many. Lol.

35. Are you keeping a secret from anyone right now? Kind of.

36. What’s the smallest town you’ve ever visited? Geneva.

37. If there was a real Jurassic Park, would you visit it? Probably. I’m not always the smartest person. I wouldn’t take my kids though. I wouldn’t risk their lives.

38. Have you ever gone golfing? Not really. Mini golf is about it.

39. What’s your favorite kind of soup? Homemade chicken noodle.

40. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? I was five or six I think.

41. Do you know any sign language? Not as much as I would like, but a few things.

42. If you became famous for something, what would it be? Singing. Maybe writing.

43. How many friends do you have that are married?

I don’t know how many friends I actually have so we will just go with three people I know that might be friends.

44. Do you ever read the newspaper? No. I read the news online for the most part.

45. When you’re having a bad day, how do you make yourself feel better? Cuddle my kids.

46. Do you still have your wisdom teeth? I do.

47. Did you have a swing set in your yard when you were a child? I did. And we loved it. I want to get one for my kids but the yard seems so small sometimes. Maybe if/when we move.

48. Have you ever played poker for money? I have not.

49. You’re making a fruit salad: what kinds of fruit do you put in it? Bananas, strawberries, blueberries, apples.

50. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number? :p

51. What’s the scariest movie you’ve ever seen? I don’t know.

52. Do you eat your mac & cheese with a fork or a spoon? Fork. Jacob uses a spoon and gets so annoyed when I give him a fork. But we’ve always used forks..

53. Where did you have your first kiss? Skating rink.

54. When you were a kid, were you ever afraid of cooties? Not really that I recall. But I could be wrong.

55. Do you ever go Christmas caroling in December? Not since high school for choir.

[itakesurveys]

Survey 285

What type of bread did you use on the last sandwich you made? i eat everything on a wheat wrap, no joke. 

& What was on said sandwich? i made a garden veggie patty with lettuce, tomato, pickles & onions. 

How many doors are in your house? hmm, 10 for 12? 

Got any bad habits? If so, what are they? yes, i bite the inside of my cheek when i’m anxious. 

What was the last compliment you recieved, that made you smile? the boy just turned around and called me cute randomly :) 

Do you ever lie to your friends? yeah. everyone lies. 

If so, do you feel bad about it after? depends on what it is. 

Think you need to lose weight? How much? i don’t need to lose more weight. since last November i managed to lose 35 pounds. i would love to lose like 10 more but i’m not gonna stress about it.

When was the last time you watched a VHS movie? oh my, years. i can’t even guess. 

What event would you go back in time to see, if you could? britney spears dream within a dream tour in like 2001.

Do you remember the last thing you said you wanted? i want to have a good weekend. 

Who was the last friend you hung out with&what’d you do together? bryanna, my only real good friend. haha, 14+ years of friendship, and we were out celebrating after her wedding. 

Who is the person, other than a spouse, that you are closest to? my mom. 

Do you know when to use ‘to’ & 'too’? ehhh, i think so. 

Who do you currently live with? my boyfriend but we are moving this month to our new place!  

Favorite board game? life!

If you watched it, who was your favorite 'Hey Arnold!’ character? hmmm.. i guess Arnold. 

Have any good school pictures? or do they all just suck? my photos were mostly always good. 

How old were you when you had your first kiss? first kiss was in like 1st grade inside the coat closet. 

Do you ever wonder what people think when they look at you? alllll the fucking time. 

Do you like trying on clothes or not? & Why? i don’t like trying on clothes unless i have money to buy them. 

What are your thoughts on marriage? i’m good with it but i don’t understand why people rush into marriage.

Don’t you think gay marriage should be legalized through the United States? dah. 

What was your favorite toy as a kid? legos, toy story woddy doll, hot wheels. 

Do you still play with it or have it? nah. 

Are you currently IN love with anyone? yes <3

Difference between loving someone&being in love with someone? Yes or no? yes. 

Don’t you hate when reruns on TV are in a random order? yeah, i never understood why they do that. 

Do you ever watch any crime shows? here and there. 

If so, which do you watch the most/is your favorite? i wouldn’t know their names. 

Ever smoke pot? mhm.

Don’t you hate when people you love/care about annoy you with stupid crap? yesssssss.

Do you ever get frustrated&say 'nevermind’ when people just don’t get it? all the time. 

Still have feelings for an ex? no.

Have you ever SERIOUSLY considered any kind of plastic surgery? yes. 

What was the last thing you cleaned&why? the floor because i spilled a redbull. 

Don’t those weightloss pill commercials just irritate you? i guess. 

Before taking this survey, what were you thinking of? thinking of taking another survey. 

How long have you lived in the current place you’re living? 2 years. 

Do you plan on moving anytime soon, if so where? yes, moving this month to our new place. it’s a whole house! woo. 

Does blood make you queasy? yes. ew.

Do you ever walk alone at night just because, or does that freak you out? no no no. 

What happened in the last TV show you watched? dudeeee. vanessa is fighting the dark one (Van Helsing) 

Do you ever correct grammar/spelling errors your friends make? never. and people who do should just the fuck up and live. it’s very judgy. 

Or do you just not care about that stuff? ^^^ 

Don’t you think things are getting wayyy too pricey? yup. rent in this area has gone from $900 a month to well over $1500. 

Facebook, wasn’t 'become a fan’ better than 'like’? whatever. facebook sucks. 

What do you think was the best year you ever had? idk. maybe 2009. 

Are you more of a follower, or a leader? Be honest. leader. i don’t follow anyone ever. 

Are your dreams/nightmares in black&white or color? when i was a kid i had most in black and white. it was so odd. 

Or do you not even remember any of them? i don’t remember my dreams very often anymore. 

Have you ever wanted to be some sort of hero outside of videogames? nah. i don’t want to be around in dangerous situations. 

Will you admit that you’re at least somewhat superficial? sure. 

Most attractive actor/actress that comes to mind right this second? hmmm.. no idea. i don’t really fan girl over actors. i’m more about pop girls. 

How often do you go to the mall closest to you? like never. i don’t think i have been inside a mall in like 3 years. 

What physical features can you just not stand about yourself? hmmm.. i guess i could have a better nose. 

Do you still count with your fingers, even if only every so often? 100%

The last flavor of gum you chewed? no idea. i don’t chew gum.

Have you ever gone on a road trip with just friends? no.

What was the last thing you had to drink & was it yummy? i’m currently have a nice cup of tea <3

What word or words do you think you say the most? “xo” i know it’s not a word but if you text me.. you understand. sample of how i text: “ hey babe xo what do you want to do after work stoooopiid xo 💖” 

Without trying, do you act differently around different friends? not even a little. 

What was the last thing you drew/wrote on your own or someone elses’ skin? i haven’t drawn on anyone's skin. 

Did you know your nose continues to grow/get longer as you get older? i know... that’s scary. 

The last time you spent money, what was it on & how much did you spend? food. well, breakfast. we got; 1 hot banana coffee, (1) iced caramel mocha iced coffee, (1) blue berry muffin, (1) jelly creme doughnut, (1) bacon egg and cheese on an asiago bagel. i think it was like $14.89

What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on one piece of clothing? idk. when i was in high school Abercombie was huge. that’s all i wore and before it was cheap like it is now. i use to spend like $145+ on jeans, $85.00 on polos, and $100+ on hoddies. which i know isn’t a lot of money now but for a high schooler it was. since then my style has changed and i don’t see the need to buy fancy designer clothes or whatever. I buy most of my clothes at Marshals or Target, or TJ MAX or Amazon. 

Don’t you believe you’re not really a vegetarian if you still eat chicken idc. 

Who was the last person you avoided/ignored? i don’t know. 

In elementary school, were you more of the bully or the bullied? i was only bullied in 8th grade and a little in high school but as a kid in elementary school i was a popular kid around the playground. haha. 

Do you like when a spouse is clingy, or can you not stand that? l love it. 

How much do you say you walk in a week outside of school &/or work? idk. 

Don’t you hate when someone says they’ll text/call/IM you later&they don’t? no. haha because the person you hate is me. LOL.

Did the last person you talked to in person annoy you in anyway? nah. 

Where are you sitting right now? on my bed :) 

[thejollyroger-writer]

Keep Hope Close at Hand - Chapter Two

Note:  Okay, so, apparently I have a lot of thoughts about this fic and my mind won't let me stop working on them. Not to mention all of the lovely comments and messages I've gotten about this story -- all of you fantastic readers are a large part of the reason I keep working on this as diligently as I have been. You guys are all the greatest! Don't stop!

Summary: When a curse is going to send the inhabitants of Enchanted Forest, Captain Killian Jones, husband to the Princess, must take their daughter through the wardrobe to save them from the curse and give her the ability to break the curse when the time comes.

Rated G // Read on AO3 //

Start at the Beginning: tumblr // AO3

Chapter One: tumblr // AO3

Tagging the crew that asked to be tagged: @shireness-says   @wellhellotragic @flyflyangel @stahlop @superchocovian @kingofmyheart14 @drkeldonmd

Want to be tagged? Just comment, reply, or message me!

As he opens the door to the room that will house them for the near future, Killian realizes something: he’s never stayed at a Bed and Breakfast.

He’s never even felt the need to, if he is completely honest with himself.

Not that the place isn’t lovely, with its light walls and dark wood, one large bed taking up most of the center of the room. It’s just that rooms like this, the whole concept of the Bed and Breakfast to begin with, hits him just a little too close to home. Selling out rooms from what used to be someone’s house? Being able to go downstairs and eat breakfast in an actual kitchen with other guests, other travelers and the host always wanting to know who you are, where you came from? He’s lived through this before, just in much different circumstances.

Captain Hook was a fan of the “bed and breakfast” setup in the Enchanted Forest and in every realm that he could get his ship to. He would show up, drink everyone around him under the table, and take some woman back to his ship, or — even worse — upstairs to one of the rooms, leaving immediately afterward and never seeing her again.

Sure, he enjoyed it while it was happening. He was a pirate, the most vicious and hated pirate to sail any sea in those days. He was living what he believed to be his dream: long weeks on the sea, no one to tell him who he needs to be, what he needs to do.

But in those days, days that he frequented “bed and breakfasts” as often as he could, he was a completely different man. A man with no family, with no love, his only reason for living being his revenge.

He wasn’t a husband. He wasn’t a father. That man, the man whose identity he slowly began to shed when he met Emma, would never have sacrificed his own life to raise Hope on his own in a strange land, something he realized many years ago, before he even went through the wardrobe. That man, the man he used to be, would have run back to the safety of his ship at the slightest sign of danger and run to a new realm, leaving anything he built behind him.

That man had all of the wrong priorities. And, of course, he realizes that those priorities made it possible for him to live for hundreds of years, but none of the time he spent on the Jolly Roger comes anywhere close to the life he has lived in the past twenty years.

When he and Hope had gone away for vacations, which did not happen very often (why would anyone spend that much money to take their child to a place that worships an animated mouse?) and always consisted of trips to places with long stretches of beach and exciting attractions for his little girl, they had stayed only in hotels. People in hotels do not care where you came from, why your daughter does not have a mother, do not constantly barrage you with questions about your life just because you come down to get a bloody cup of coffee.

Hotels didn’t exist in any other realm, so they could not pull back memories of any other realm.

As Hope pokes around their room, exploring every nook and cranny that she can find, Killian tosses his duffel bag next to the bed before tossing himself on it, burying his head in the pillow.

He likes nothing about this situation. He likes nothing about this small town, which he knows is going to start suffocating him soon. He likes nothing about his lack of a plan, his lack of any sort of knowledge about what he needs to do to be reunited with his love. And, perhaps more than anything else, he likes nothing about that man from the diner, the smug look on his face and his arm slung over Emma’s shoulder like she was just a possession to him.

He knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Breaking curses tended not to be. But he can’t help but ask himself questions that he probably shouldn’t. What if she really loves him? What if she doesn’t want to go back to the life they left behind because she likes the one she has found here more? Would he even be able to get through to her, given that she has been blinded by the curse? Does she even want to know the truth?

Gods, he hates this. He hates every single thing about this. The only bright spot in all of this is his daughter, his Hope — his hope — who climbs up on the bed next to him and nuzzles herself between his side and his arm, which he wraps around her small body.

They stay like that for a while, and he almost believes that she has fallen asleep beside him until she rolls away from him, turning to face him as he rolls onto his side, so small against the large California King bed.

“What’s the matter, darling?”

At first, she doesn’t answer, her brows knit in a way that makes him believe she is reading every line of his face, the same thing her mother used to do before answering a particularly difficult question.

But he lets her search his face for whatever she is searching for, a few moments of silence passing between them before she finally speaks, her question pulling all of the air out of Killian’s lungs:

“Mommy’s here, isn’t she?”

His eyes go wide, suddenly unable to breathe. He doesn’t know what to say, but if he knows one thing about his daughter, it is that she inherited her mother’s ability to know a lie the moment it passes through his teeth.

“Yes, she is. But how did you know, my cygnet?”

She slides back across the bed, hugging him as best she can and he opens his arms to her.

“I don’t know, daddy. Really, I don’t. But I can… I can feel it, somehow.”

Finally he is able to take a deep breath, and somehow, he does understand. Because with his arms wrapped around his daughter, he can feel it, too. He can feel that he is exactly where he is supposed to be, and all of the questions that tried to drown him just a few minutes ago beginning to move away as his daughter drifts off to sleep beside him.

Not wanting to dive into the whole small town mentality yet, Killian researches pizza places that would deliver to their room (of which there is only one in town, not to his surprise in the least) as Hope sleeps next to him. (One of the perks he found with his lack of a left arm, he learned once Hope started falling asleep next to him, was that, unlike the right, it did not “fall asleep” when Hope decided she wanted to use it as a pillow.)

He waits until she begins to stir from her nap, making sure that she is okay with their normal order of extra pepperoni before he calls in the order. (Pepperoni is something from this world that he quickly realized was heaven-sent, unlike large pick-up trucks, smart phones, and skiing.)

Their lunch arrives quickly, the shop only a block from where they are staying, which seems to be normal for “Storybrooke,” the name of the town, according to Google. How quaint. After scarfing down a few pieces each, they agree on a movie on the television, but Killian is only half-watching, trying his best to formulate some kind of plan in his head while trying not to get caught up with the memory of Emma's eyes meeting his at the diner.

He fails on both accounts.

 By the time Hope asks about dinner, Killian has come to the conclusion that he can't continue to avoid the town if he needs to figure out how to break the curse. He hopes for anywhere other than Granny's, the memory of Emma there with her cursed husband and their cursed son weighing too much on his already-straining heart.

The only other alternative that appeals to both of them, though, is a burger-and-ice cream place, Any Given Sundae. When they walk in, it's thankfully almost empty, the only patrons an older couple in the back corner who Killian is thankful to notice fail to give him and Hope a second glance. He has to hold in a chuckle, though, when he realizes the woman behind the counter, who he assumes to be the owner, is one of Queen Elsa's aunts from Arendelle, the one who had the same ice powers as Emma's best friend.

She owns the ice cream parlor. Funny.

As always, he lets Hope choose their seat, halfway up the aisle opposite the older couple. Even though Killian has taken to trying to eat healthier recently (it absolutely had nothing to do with the strip of grey hair amid the sea of black, not at all), but he decides on a burger and fries anyway. His whole life has been flipped upside-down over the past few hours, so if his diet takes a sudden plummet, this is apparently a great time for it to happen.

Hope is halfway through her chicken sandwich, and Killian's burger long gone, when the bell on the door jingles, causing Killian's eyes to snap up to see who joined them. When he sees that it is none other than the young boy that was sitting across from Emma at the diner earlier, his eyes go wide and his heart stops in his chest, waiting for one of this parents to follow him into the building.

But that doesn't happen. Instead, the young boy meets Killian's eyes and smiles at him before crossing the restaurant to slide into the booth next to Hope.

Before Killian has a chance to comment, he speaks, the words coming out quickly. “You’re the man who was in the diner last night.”

“Aye, lad, what of it?”

He shrugs, turning from Killian to Hope. “My parents were trying to figure out who you are, we’ve never seen you in Storybrooke before.”

Killian expected the small-town questions to start the moment he stepped out of their room, but he never expected that a young boy would be the first source. Trying to sound as calm as he can, he replies, “My daughter and I are just here for vacation, some time away from the city.”

Henry reaches across the table and takes a French fry off of Killian’s plate, and he is amazed just how outgoing he is.

“That’s not true, though, is it?” the boy asks, and just as Killian starts to get defensive, Henry pulls a storybook out of his bag. “I know who you really are, and what you’re here for.”

“Is that so?” Killian shares a look with his daughter across the table, her eyebrow cocked in exactly the same way his probably is, and he takes a sip of his water.

“Yeah, of course,” Henry says, taking another fry off of his plate. “You’re Captain Hook.”

He stays silent, taking another mouthful of water to try to keep his face completely blank. But when Henry speaks again, Killian is not able to keep a straight face.

“You’re also my dad.”

Killian doesn’t know what to say, the last of his soda almost getting stuck in his throat.

“I’m afraid that’s entirely impossible, young man.”

Completely ignoring Killian’s comment, Henry jumps up to get back to wherever it was he was going, but leaves his storybook with Killian. “If you don’t believe me, just read the book.”

And he’s gone.

Hope looks up at Killian, just as confused as he is.

“Well, that was weird,” she says.

Killian agrees, but is unable to respond as he starts flipping through the pages of the book.

 That night, he is unable to sleep. The light on his side of the bed is on all night as he flips through this book full of stories that can’t exist in this land, stories with pictures of people he knew. Stories he knows are true: how Snow White and Prince Charming met, when Belle saved Prince Philip, Mulan’s time with the Merry Men.

He flips through pages covered with stories of himself, his stories from the past hundred years. His time in Neverland, the death of his brother. His relationship with Milah. Going back to Neverland.

Meeting Emma, on a Royal mission to Neverland to try to gather information about Peter Pan. Falling in love with her.

Marrying her. Having Hope.

The Curse.

But at the end of the book, on the very last page, is a picture of Emma and David standing in their room in the castle, purple smoke billowing around them, which must be from the last moments before the curse took them, not long after Killian and Hope went through the wardrobe. Emma is crying, David’s arms wrapped around her, but her own hands are laid across her stomach.

“But, not wanting to hurt her True Love any more than was already inevitable with their parting, Princess Emma did not tell Killian her secret: that she was pregnant again, going to have another child, and she carried this secret with her as she said goodbye to her husband and daughter, just as the curse was about to strike.”

The book falls to his lap, his hands shaking as he reaches up to wipe a tear off his cheek. It was true. All of it was true. And if everything else was true, then the last part he read must have been true, as well. Emma didn’t tell him that she was pregnant again, so as to not hurt him any more than he was already hurting.

For the first time in a while, Killian purposefully pulls her ring out from under his shirt, on a long chain next to Liam’s.

And he has hope, for the first time in a while.

Because Emma is living with cursed memories, believing that man he saw her with is her true love, believing he is Henry’s father.

But now he knows the truth, and Henry knows the truth.

It’s time to tell Hope.

[godtier-rose]

healing is hard

I’ve recently went through something so unreal to me that I’m still honestly pretty emotional and still working through it.  I kept a little measly journal while I was in a psych ward, and I have now been home for almost a week and have typed up all six days I had spent there. This is going to be such a LONG post, but if you are struggling, or just curious about what a psych ward was like from my point of view, go on and read this. 

I want others to know that they aren't alone with their suicidal thoughts. I feel shy and a little embarrassed talking about mine, and my depression, but thats what landed me in there. I didn't ask for help. 

My sister gave me “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” while I was in there, and it just felt nice to read something that someone else went through that I was then going through. Thats why I wrote every day in my little booklet while I was in there.

I was given a second chance that others do not get. People have already denied my experience. I don’t care. People who try to tell you that what happened to you wasn’t real, literally don’t matter. I didn’t try to kill myself to prove anything to anyone. I didn’t plan on surviving. But I lived. 

Here are my days, as best recalled and sloppily written as I can manage, not being the best writer: 

day 0 - last day

the walk to publix is simple. after spending an hour or so browsing the web for lethal doses of drugs, I settle on tylenol pm. 8 is dangerous. I can do that, I tell myself. I buy a bottle and a lunchable ( I have beer at home right? I think so), last meal goals? I almost run home, i’m grossly excited to die. sickening. but I was told one that I would never be remembered. I feel at peace. I won’t have to think about living after i’m gone, not about my depression, not about my feelings, money, stress, no consequences. living is so hard and dying is so easy.

no one else is home, I planned this perfectly. one handful, one beer. repeat. repeat. feel dizzy. fall around the room. knock shit over. people come home. I babble nonsense and say i’m going to bed. my note has been written. I tell no one what i’m doing, I don’t want to be stopped. I don’t want to survive this. no texts and no tweets, people will find out eventually. who cares, not my problem anymore.

drink. swallow more pills. drink. swallow. I stopped counting at 9 beers and 20 something tylenol. I hadn’t eaten all day, my lunchable is long forgotten. i’m a 5’1”, 98 pounds, this should do it. I don’t remember how much I ingest after that.

I black out, finally. i’m ready to die.

day 0 part 2 - not yet

and then???????

I wake up. mouth dry. vision so blurry I panic. I can barely stand. I think i’m going to be sick but nothing comes out. breathing hurts. everything hurts, everything is heavy, wavy,confusing.

i didn’t die. I was given another chance. panic, my body is shutting down, I text my sister, I call poison control, i’m too scared to dial 911. i’m not important or worth it.

I decide to get a fucking uber.(someone told me an ambulance ride is $1,000, fuck that) he pulls up and goes “...hospital???” and i’m standing there, swaying. Yes. please. he freaks out and seems confused, but drives fast and rushes me in. a man has me fill out paperwork and then he asks what’s wrong. I tell him I swallowed more than 20 tylenol to kill myself. I don’t remember how many I  swallowed after 20, I don’t know how much I drank after that. he calls out a stretcher and i’m rushed away. all of my things are taken from me. i’m changed into a hospital gown (butt cheeks OUT, hospital gowns are embarrassing ) they take my blood, they put an IV into me (I almost pass out when I feel the cold go inside my vein, what the fuck) I don’t know what they pump into me but it feels weird and i’m freaked out. tabs are placed all over my body, i’m hooked up to an EKG machine. charcoal tablets( I think ? something for my stomach or liver they say? I'm not a doctor I don't know ) are taken. the nurse asks “honey why would you do this? why are you sad? what is there to be sad about?” a lot. she says i’m lucky that i’m still alive, the amount of alcohol and acetaminophen I consumed and still had in my body should have killed me or shut down my liver. I wanted to say “that was the goal” but I shut up as she took my vitals.

hours pass, I ask for my phone and they say I can look at it once...only once, and make it just a few minutes. then they put it in a bag with my clothes and purse. nurses and doctors walk past my room and peek in and whisper. one finally goes “is this her? the suicide ?” a woman from another room yells back “Yeah that’s the baker act”. i’m embarrassed. nurses and doctors keep stopping by my room to look in and I keep trying to avoid their eyes. I ask to use the restroom and I have to pee with the door open in the middle of the hospital, i’m not allowed to close it (suicide means 24 hour watch).I hate this. I ask my nurse if i’m going home tonight, she says “no baby, we can’t let you go home” I start crying. I call my sister from the nurses flip phone and tell her i’m not coming home.

it’s almost midnight now, hospital food is awful and i’m watching chopped on the tv above my bed. another nurse told me god saved my life. another tells me i’m “too young to be sad”.

“the baker act is being transferred” that’s what i’m called, i’m the suicide. the baker act. another stretcher comes, i’m loaded on. another hospital. I get to ride in an ambulance for the first time, the paramedics think it’s funny when I tell them that I took an uber to the hospital. “I bet it was cheaper, that’s for sure.”

they take me 10 minutes away, to a place that has a mental health unit. I have to sit downstairs in a room to wait for a bed. I go to the bathroom and a nurse yells at me and he slams the door open, saying “you can’t close this, you have to go with the door open!” i’m given a turkey sandwich and a little fruit cup, sitting in a reclining chair, it’s 2 am when they say I can go upstairs now. a screaming man was brought in when I was leaving, the nurses yelling at him saying he’s here because he was found naked in the bushes waving a samurai sword. I laugh and a nurse asks me what’s so funny.

I meet someone up on the 6th floor, the psych ward floor. She takes me to a room and I have to strip down. she marks a body chart with my tattoos, my burns, my cuts. i’m asked for the millionth time why i’m there. she gives me a new gown and brings me to my room. it’s a plain as it gets, and my roommate is asleep. it’s 2:30am.

I lay down in the most basic bed with this pillow that’s literally filled with something paper like. I sleep like shit.

day 1 in the psych ward

i am woken up again at 6am for vitals. I fall back to sleep until my roommate and I wake up to an announcement at 8:30. we stay in bed and talk a little. she’s here for swallowing 50 xanax, I say “shit, you beat me, I blacked out at 20 something tylenol” she’s impressed. she’s a 46 year old mother. kara. a doctor comes to see us and talks about the severity of what we both have done, tells us what meds they will be putting us on. we leave our room and look around, a nurse tells us we missed breakfast, but she gets us some cereal and juice. this place is full of interesting people, I watch in awe. a woman (marlene)keeps saying she’s frank sinatras daughter and that someone keeps burning her with cigarettes (no smoking allowed and she just yelled that it was happening just then, when no one was around her) another woman (isabelle) claims she works for the phone company, and takes one of the hospitals phones and takes it apart (breaks it) and says she got the bug out. a man (joe) won’t stop yelling for nurses. another woman (mary) keeps petting everyone’s hair. me and kara stick close to each other that morning. I speak with a case manager, who tells me i’ll be here a few days because of how severe my case is. whatever. I call my sister on the cord phone they have on the wall, ask her to bring me some books and clothes. I feel embarrassed to be walking around in the hospital gown. I tell her “it says we have arts and crafts today at 1:45”, she can’t stop laughing, “are you fucking serious???” it literally says Arts and Crafts on the daily events whiteboard.

I ask a nurse if I can shower, she gives me a towel and unlocks the shower door, where an open shower with no cover or curtain is, but I can lock the door.a broken soap dispenser holds a shampoo/bodywash combo (LAME), and there’s a few bandaids on the shower floor. I have to stand on my tiptoes to get close to the water. this sucks. after my shower it’s “process group” time, where kara and i get to meet some of the others, talk about our feelings, the works. kristie, sherri, carl, natalie, andrew, and myself and kara are the most sane and coherent. we all sit near each other at lunch. kristie is here for cutting herself, sherri for OD’ing, carl for suicidal thoughts, andrew for trying to slit his throat on drugs. I️ get mystery meatloaf for lunch. kara asks the nurse where to get a toothbrush after lunch, the nurse goes “maybe if you left your room and ask, you’d get one earlier.” I get defensive of my roomie and say “well ma’am i’m sorry we didn’t exactly pack for this, the plan wasn’t to make it here alive” kara, kristie, carrie, and andrew lose it, they can’t stop laughing. the nurse walks away.

someone tells me that after lunch a woman comes around with a menu, and you can order your lunch for the next day. I order chicken parm and mac n cheese and breakfast for others and cereal for myself. I order dinner for kara because she’s napping and I don’t want her to be cursed with the mystery meatloaf again.

after lunch is arts and crafts, where I make my sister a bracelet and then help a man from the other wing make a bracelet for his daughter.

after arts and crafts is a bit of free time, me and kara sit together and talk with a few of the others. the days feel so long here. my sister brings me clothes, makeup, toiletries and books, but i’m not allowed to see her. she gave me “Its kind of a funny story” and said that I️ had to read it because the kid gets baker acted. she brought me the extra clothes and stuff I asked for, I wander around and give clothes to some of my friends who aren’t able to have someone bring them any. I get conditioner, face wash, shampoo, body wash, and lotion, and become the toiletry mom who hands out and shares it with everyone who wants to use it in the shower.

eventually it’s dinner, and since we only got to order for the next day, kara and I are stuck with meatloaf again. I call elspeth after dinner and tell her about my day, tell her not to tell anybody i’m here, not even my parents, tell her to tell them my phone is dead and i’m at a friends, I don’t want anyone to know yet. i’ll y’all when i’m out and ready. she says she got mad and told some people what I did, but they didn’t believe her. that’s fine, I tell her they can never contact me ever again because they don’t care. I have nothing to prove. I lived and am now locked in a god damn mental ward. I have more important things in my life besides caring about people acting like they know what I did and why I did it. my goal was to be dead and not have to deal with this, but I got another shot so let me fucking be. i tell her there is visitation tomorrow from 6pm-8pm. I tell her that one of my friends was going to hang out with me, and that I can’t make it. also that I was messaging another friend and that she can tell him what happened, he will be understanding and caring. (shoutout to my sister for holding everything together while I could only contact the outside world through her via a phone with a cord)

after that I lie in bed and read my toradora manga elspeth also brought me. vitals are checked. a doctor ask me how i’m feeling, etc.

eventually we get snack time? which is juice, popcorn, bananas, and bread with PB&J.

finally it’s bedtime, my first day is complete. this all feels surreal. I write everything in the back of a booklet I was given earlier. I sleep like shit again.

day two, the days are still so long

6 am, vitals again. back to sleep. an announcement at 8 am gets me and Kara awake, it says there’s “grooming” taking place, where you’re allowed to shave your facial hair or armpits in front of the nurses, in a sink, and also they have mouth wash. great.

8:30, breakfast. the board says that there’s pet therapy today, and visitation tonight!!!!

process group again. I shower. lunch. my food isn’t as awful as the meatloaf but it’s still hospital food. carl tells me I have to go to the meds window to ask for my meds, but warns me they will have me sign a paper. they don’t tell you, but the paper is a voluntary admission form that once you sign, your baker act is no longer valid and you can only leave if a doctor says you can. I say that’s BS because I wanna go home after my 72 hours. he says if I don’t sign, they just re-baker act you. no way. I go to the window and ask for my meds, and the nurse gives me a paper and says “sign this to get your medication”. it’s the voluntary admission form. I ask her if I sign this, what happens. she said it’s the “first step towards getting better”. I said “if I sign this my baker act is removed and i’m becoming a voluntary patient right?” she says “well....yes, but it’s the first step towards getting better.” I ask her what happens if I don’t sign it. she goes “....well then you will probably be here a longer time :(“ I end up signing the papers, i’m fucked either way. I didn’t even want to take prozac or be i’m this place.

pet therapy gives us a golden retriever named JR who is so cute and licks my face. I love him. it brightened a lot of people’s days. after dinner we get visitation, everyone eats fast and me and kara stay behind to help the nurses clean up.

i’m so excited for visitation. i️ told my sister she can bring someone with her. kara’s family and daughter are coming too, I get to meet them. elspeth comes and brings an old friend, I hug her and him for so long, it feels so good. you find out who is really there for you. I tell them all about my crazy day and how there was a bra left on the floor in the public room and how people keep acting out. I give elspeth the bracelet I made her in arts and crafts, I meet kara’s family. it made my day. after visitation is snacks, a young girl comes in and I feel instantly protective of her. I ask her if she has clothes and she says no, so after I sneak extra snacks for her, I run to my room and gather up a shirt and pants, lotion, and some of the graham crackers packs i snuck from snack time, I run back and give them all to her, tell her that i’m in room 604 and she can ask me for anything. I tell her how this place runs, as if i’m a pro even though i’ve been here for 2 days. she’s so thankful, her name is Destinee.

eventually, it’s bedtime again. I journal and fall into another shitty sleep.

day threeeeee...get me out of here

once again, 6 am vitals. back to sleep until 8 am announcements. I decide to get my butt up and shave my armpits in a sink during grooming time. we aren’t allowed to shave our legs, but whatever i’ll take what I can get.

my day follows a constant schedule. always breakfast at 8:30, process group, I shower, the board tells me today is more arts and crafts and bingo tonight. kara, kristie and I sit in our room and talk about cam girls and people who buy feet pictures. kara is fascinated that kristie and I know so much about the dirty web.

I start reading “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” and it’s so similar to my situation. Craig is baker acted and he’s taken to the 6th floor (i’m on the 6th floor, are all psych wards there??). he talks about the food, the people, even the shape of the ward (shaped like an H), which is what my psych ward is shaped like ! it’s a good book, I feel like the author right now, as I type up my experiences. being here is honestly so crazy I just had to write about it.

there’s another group and this time it’s a mix of all the wings, (I am in the East Wing, the west wing is the violent or dangerous patients.) one guy from the west wing tries to start a fight with Cheryl, the rec therapist. he leaves angry.

in arts and crafts I become notorious for being able to find any letter bead asked of me, maria from the west wing says any letter and I dig through the bead box and find it for her. I help another guy make a ring. I make a bracelet for someone who cares about me.

lunch is late because the guy who got mad during group, started a fight in the dining hall and all of us from the east wing watched from the window. he threw his tray and food was everywhere. we see him on the floor and find out he was probably sedated.

we eat, continue our day. I read my book and hang in my bed. kara’s family brought magazines for us, so we share those and read about the outside world. I miss my phone and the internet. I talk to a doctor who says I won’t be going home this weekend. (it’s friday today, so she says maybe monday because of how severe my case is.) kara gets the same news. the doctors all say “well imagine how bad it would look if we release you now and you kill yourself, you were in our care, that would be on our hands.” what a lame excuse.

later is dinner, our table always consists of the same group of people, a nurse says “why do you all sit together always???” we love it. we laugh and all share what we have witch each other.  

bingo is next, where carl says you can win prizes, and he’s gonna try to win some deodorant because the nurses keep refusing to give anyone any. that’s so sad. I win a game and give carl the deodorant, he says I didn’t have to do that.

snacks. then bed.

day four!!!!!

same basic schedule, except today it says game day for our activity.  

we get to the dining hall and it’s decked out with a wii, basket ball hoops, a ping pong table, and a bunch of other board games. andrew and I play wii bowling, and then I play jenga with kara.

kristie and carl have gone home, I miss them already but I hope they are doing okay. a new guy named paul joins us all, we tell him what’s up. me, destinee, sherri, and paul all sit on the hallway floor and talk about crazy shit. a new woman named virgina walks around and spills her tea everywhere, talking about being american and carrying a stack of 8 books that she occasionally reads out loud to nobody in particular.

we have a different night nurse, his name is richard and he’s literally the best. he tells us at snack time that he’s opened the “patio” (a gated in balcony connected to the dining hall that none of the nurses ever feel like opening because they don’t want to watch us) I literally run and andrew makes fun of the faces i’m making because i’m so excited to breathe outside air.

after that, richard pulls out a box full of movies and say we can all have a movie night in the community tv living room. everyone decides on jeepers creepers 2. it was a great night.

I continue to sleep like shit, and I have a dream about my ex.

day 5! when can I leave???

it’s sunday and kara has to miss her mothers surprise party. we want to go home! there aren’t even any case managers here today, so we can’t even talk to anyone. we MIGHT go home tomorrow, we are told. not for sure. sherri goes home tomorrow!!! I give her one of my sweaters to keep and we exchange numbers for when we are on the outside.

football is on the community tv and I call my friend and say “watch this, your team is gonna win and this other team is gonna lose.” his team wins and I can’t stop laughing, I was just kidding but it somehow worked.

my day still follows the basic schedule.

day 6: FALSE HOPE

i’m not going home today! lame!!!!! a doctor tells me there’s no discharge order for me today, but there’s one for tomorrow! i’ll take it.

the board says today is music and drum therapy. also there will be games tonight in the dining hall.

the loud guy who yells constantly, joe, is leaving today. we all secretly cheer when he leaves, because he just yelled at people to make his bed and to come to his room. now i can read without having to here someone yelling “NURSEEEEEEE” down the hall every 3 minutes.

drum therapy is fun, we all get to sit and bang in drums to describe how we are feeling.

music therapy is just “pick one song on youtube and toni the rec therapist will play it on the TV” I pick human by the killers.

kara and I play jenga for games night, it’s our thing now. richard is here again and we are so happy, that means patio and movie night. my last night is spent surrounded by my support group as we laugh on the patio, sharing a blanket with kara as we watch Disturbia, and drawing pictures for destinee until it’s time for bed. I make sure I have everyone’s numbers written in the back of my booklet. I ask the meds window for something to help me sleep, i’m too anxious and know I won’t fall asleep tonight. they give me ativan ? and I go to bed. I finally don’t sleep like shit.

Day 7: Freedom

IM GOINNNG HOMEEEE!!!!! 

I wake up excited and make sure I get together my belongings. I’m visited by doctors and case managers, nurses give me plastic bags to put stuff in. I make sure I give nurse millie a big hug. kara isnt leaving until tomorrow, so i give her a big hug too. the community board says tonight is karaoke night, and I feel bad that I have to miss it, but I leave before lunch. the hospital drives me home in a van, and i’m so excited when I step outside. I start crying and the driver brings me home. I cry again. I take the worlds longest shower and I go get some chick fil a. I sit outside for hours. I hold baby kitty and start crying. I check all my social media. I reply to texts. I sit my mom down and tell her what happened. I do not tell my dad or my brother. my stepdad is in germany and I will tell him when he’s home. ———- afterthoughts:

    the mental health system is fucked. not one doctor or therapist or psychiatrist really helped anyone in that psych ward. if you asked for underwear or deodorant the nurses wouldn’t want to give you any, they said “well you have one pair of underwear already.” some nurses and doctors were kind, but not one of them had any type of sensitivity or empathy. my first three days there, half the nurses assumed I was one of the drug addicts and kept trying to give me nicotine patches and tried having me go to AA meetings. in group “therapy” we were asked how we felt and that was it. the doctors asked us from 1-10 our depression and anxiety, and then gave us meds. we were told if we tried to leave after our 72 hour baker act, that we would just be re-baker acted and be there longer. asking questions was like a game of “which nurse do we ask so that they don’t say no or ignore us” I was not given any type of one on one sessions with a therapist. I was just repeatedly asked “why would you do this? what do you have to be sad about?” they made an appointment for 7 days after I left, never contacted my sister, and let me leave. I swore every night when I prayed (I feel cheesy but I also feel like I owe god my life at this point) that when i’m out, I will put together a box of clothes and books and stuff for arts and crafts and game nights. they have six books and hardly any crafts, and almost no clothes for people who come in with nothing and have to wear the hospital robes. people deserve better. everyone in there survived something that others don’t get to, people need help. this felt like the hospital just wanted our money for keeping us there longer. it’s not fair. I felt like a prisoner. everyone did. a man raped his roommate in our wing and all they did was move him to the west wing. kara and I had to ask to have our room locked from the outside so that we didn’t have to keep going to bed scared.

it felt surreal, but now i’m home and want to help in any way I can. i’m blessed to have met my roommate, we just went to church together and had a fake thanksgiving with my family and her daughter. we call each other every day. i’ve only been home 6 days, but every day I remind myself that i’m alive for a reason. I take my meds. I text my friends. I do my makeup and eat every day. i’m finally 102 pounds and not 94 pounds. I have grand openings for work lined up. i’m going to puerto rico with my church for a missions trip in a few months, to help with hurricane relief. i’m going to help as many people as I can.

I hope that writing all of this just kinda helps. I don’t want people to think they are alone. I did not plan to live, I planned to die. I didn’t die. there are people who literally said i’m faking it. but those people don’t matter. I didn’t get drunk and swallow over 20 tylenol pm and survive, and spend 6 days in the hell that was that psych ward, to have anyone tell me my experience didn’t happen or was for attention. I don’t care if you are trying to die or if you commit and survive, you’re important and deserve care, attention, and help. I deserved every hug and kiss and call and text from people when I was out of there. I have such an amazing support system. I have friends who aren’t judging me, who say “i’m so happy you’re alive emily, let’s hang out. i’m so glad you failed, I love having you in my life.”

I have only told hardly a few people, this is my public account of as much as I can remember. I don’t want any pity. I lived.

 I’m going to keep living. I’m going to work hard, I’m going to buy nice clothes and makeup, i’m going to travel and open new stores for my job, I’m going to pour myself out and connect and train my teams, I’m going to stay up late watching anime and cartoons, and eat junk food and party with my friends, i’m going to get tattoos, pet every cat, make art and finish school, i’m going to hang with my sister and my family, and i’m going to heal and find love and care for myself and for another person again. i’m gonna give as much as I can and love and be kind. I’m not perfect but neither are you. We all have flaws so just damn love and embrace and smile at each other. Help each other.

Thank you to everyone who has been so patient and caring and supportive. I love you all so much and I can’t wait to continue my life with a new passion and outlook. 💘

[emmatrustsno-one]

Brace yourselves A very long essay (like, a thesis) on the British class system with references to Harry Potter Part 2

Let’s continue. Have another comedy clip showcasing how stupid the upper-class is meant to be, to get you going:

A side point: almost all the British actors celebrated by Tumblr went to private or public school and are upper-class, or upper middle-class.Here’s a buzzfeed quiz to give your brain bracing time for part 2. I got it right for the exact same reason the top commenter did! Have a look once you’ve done it! That’s another blog post in itself!

https://www.buzzfeed.com/hattiesoykan/which-of-these-british-actors-didnt-go-to-a-private-school?utm_term=.ylwEEKxnDN#.mfyBBg7oQx

Food and diet

As I mentioned in my post about food in Harry Potter, food is intricately bound up with class. Working-class people have tradtionally had a poor diet, through poverty and lack of education, and also because of the impact of the Second World War, when food was very scarce. Where I am from people were still dying of malnutrition when my dad was teenager, so in the late 1960s. Working-class people then used to cook with beef dripping as they couldn’t afford other fats, and everyone on his street shared the same pan of dripping. I am from a former industrial town with two-up, two-down terraced workers’ houses, just like Snape, so we can assume that when Snape was a child he experienced similar levels of malnutrition around him.

Things are much better now, but in the last century people used to grow a lot of their own food if they had outdoor space, steal or not eat. They could afford to buy very little and then only the cheapest foods, which are often the least nutritious. It meant that they didn’t eat big or regular meals and that there was very little variety in their diets, and no treats. JKR has a story about trying to buy a tin of baked beans, and nothing else, from the supermarket, for her daughter’s meal, and having to put it back because she didn’t have enough money. Then, tins of beans were like 10p.

When my parents were at school, all kids used to get a small carton of milk for free at breaktime to make sure they were getting enough calcium. In the 70s, Thatcher (may she rot in hell) was education secretary (this was before she was prime minister) and she stopped the milk provision, which meant that many working-class kids stopped getting a key part of their nutrition. She was too disconnected from working-class people to understand, or care, that she was taking away critical nutrition. It was a political and social scandal and she got the nickname ‘Thatcher the milk snatcher’.

Best ever comment about that evil bitch is from the comedian Frankie Boyle, who had much to say about her, but the best was on the subject of her funeral: “give everyone is Scotland a shovel and we’ll dig a hole so deep we’ll deliver her to satan personally.”

Since we don’t finish school here until after 3, schools provide a lunch, which most people have to pay for (or you can take your own). The canteens in secondary schools are usually far too small and, certainly until very recently, when Jamie Oliver started a war on school food, served repetitive, low nutrient, processed rubbish. Until the turn of the century you would be lucky to get anything other than hot dogs, turkey twizzlers, chicken nuggets, chips and pizza, and when I say pizza, I mean a square chunk of dense bread with cheese and tomato purée on it. And cake. Now schools usually do at least pasta, salad and sandwiches as well. The main problem is budget. These schools are state-maintained and are given an allowance to spend on each thing. When Jamie Oliver started his campaign against poor quality school food, the school he worked with had a budget of 13p for every child. The ‘better’ the school the better the food: public schools, whose budget comes from fees, serve the kind of food Hogwarts did. Some kids, i.e. those from very low income families, are allowed a free school meal, and for many it is their only meal of the day, even now. I work in a working-class school and trust me, at least half never get a breakfast, and many have a sandwich for the evening meal. I know one boy who is given a Nutella sandwich every evening and that is all. Theresa May, who is a wannabe Thatcher, just announced recently that she is thinking of scrapping the free school meals program. It would be a disaster for the poorest kids.

Buying cheap food isn’t the only issue. Since working-class people work so much they are too tired and busy to cook proper meals, so they often settle for ready-meals, fast-food and takeaways. Lack of education has an impact as well. People eat food for taste and convenience alone, not fully grasping that they need to eat certain things to be healthy, and as a result many go under-nourished or become obese.

There is also the issue of how to cook things – not just in terms of lack of education, but in lack of facilities. Some people don’t have a hob, or an oven, maybe even just a microwave.

Hydration is an issue as well. A lot of working-class people don’t realise how much water they need to drink to be healthy, so they are dehydrated, and their kids are as well, so they don’t have very good concentration, so they don’t do as well at school, and the cycle of lack of education continues. 

Middle and upper-class people have the money, time and mental space to buy and make, or have made for them, varied, healthy foods. They have the education to eat and drink the right things. This means they are healthy and can concentrate at school or at other things and become successful.

Housing and class

Where you live is defined by, and indicative of, class. I am simplifying here, but in a nutshell, the north of England and a lot of Scotland and Wales is predominantly working-class. The further south you go, the higher the dominant class. This is because it was in the north that mills and factories were built in the Industrial Revolution, and because coal mines were up here. Many towns were built purposely to house workers of a certain factory, mill or mine. They all look the same, just with different bricks: terraced rows of small, dark houses with 2 rooms upstairs and 2 downstairs. Many have since been extended by owners to include an indoor bathroom, which would originally have been outside in an outhouse. A few people still had outdoor toilets in the 90s. The film Billy Elliot is an excellent overview of such towns and housing. If you haven’t seen it and you are interested in class, you should definitely watch it. Later on, social housing was built in the form of semi-detached houses and large blocks of flats, but detached houses have only recently become a thing for anyone other than the upper-class.

Working-class people end up living in the worst housing. Many of them rent rather than own, and that’s not as good here as in the rest of Europe. Tenants don’t have many rights and there is little regulation on landlords. Many people, right now, are living in slum housing. I am talking no flooring, unpainted walls, no heating, filth everywhere. You can either rent from a private landlord, who can do as little as he likes to make you comfortable, pretty much, or you can rent from your local council. Council housing is usually either semi-detached houses or in bigger cities flats in large blocks. The abysmal state of blocks of flats has recently been all over the news in the form of the Grenfell Tower block fire, where many people died and have had to be rehomed, simply because cheap cladding had been used on the outside of the building and the fire travelled up it like it was tissue paper. Many blocks have this same cladding on. The residents there had complained about safety many times but had been ignored. To make matters worse, there is a serious shortage of council housing across the country because fucking Thatcher (again) introduced a scheme where council tenants could buy their home if they lived in it for so long, and they could buy it for a crazily cheap price. Loads of people took advantage of it by buying their home for next to nothing, waiting a few years then selling it on for a massive profit, but of course that meant all the fucking social housing disappeared. My sister-in-law got divorced around 12 years ago and she went to the council to put her name on the list to get somewhere to live and the list was so long it took 5 years to offer her anything, and then it was the shittiest house imaginable, because that’s all they’ve got left.

They also ruin what little housing is left by a) putting loads of criminals and drug dealers etc in one place, so you end up with some estate from hell and b) putting foreign immigrants all in one place, so you end up with people who came here for asylum from either side of a civil war living next to each other, or ghettoising them so that they are abandoned and lost.

In Scotland working-class housing was, until very recently, tenement buildings, which were sort of communal flats. Families had their own rooms but had to share some of them. The stairs and communal areas were like something out of a Victorian workhouse. Slums. Here are some pictures, with info, of working-class housing in Glasgow between the 40s and 60s. Glasgow is especially woeful. I actually love the place, but there’s no denying it has been hell on earth for much of its history. I remember doing a geography project at school (mid 90s) and discovering that the life expectancy in the most working-class part of Glasgow was 54. It has gone up since, but is still below the national average: all the factors I have discussed combine to literally knock years off people’s lives.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/hilarywardle/glasgow-housing-crisis?utm_term=.apNOODpKkJ#.wn3BBNXxK4

Regarding the rows of terraces built to house industrial workers I mentioned earlier, this is exactly the sort of place Snape grew up. Here’s an example. They would have had a sitting room and kitchen downstairs and 2 bedrooms upstairs, with an outside toilet, while he was a child, and certainly no plumbed in bath or shower.

Upper-class people live in detached houses, usually historic ones like castles and former estates. They usually have multiple houses.

Middle-class housing is varied depending on whereabouts on the continuum people are. It ranges from townhouses, to large, nicer semi-detached houses, to detached houses to mansions. A key point I want to make here is that it is totally normal to have the lowliest of working-class housing, such as in the picture, and then a few minutes’ walk away, a middle-class area. Upper-class housing is always considerably separate from the other two, but working and middle are near each other. I saw a ridiculous post a few weeks ago claiming that Lily must have been poor because she lived close enough to Snape that Petunia knew who he was, but that is utter rubbish – that person can’t have been British. Nearly all towns have slummy areas and middle-class areas, and our towns are small. Also, he was doing that accidental wandless magic kids do, so no doubt he had a reputation for being a weirdo.

The mere fact that Petunia criticises Snape’s clothes proves beyond doubt that she wasn’t working-class, as in those days, everybody working-class was wearing hand-me-down clothes like that, therefore another “poor” person wouldn’t have noticed/mentioned. The punk movement’s fashion of safety pins in the 70s came about due to the simple fact that the working-class were wearing such old clothes that they were falling apart and they could only fix them with safety pins. As Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols said, “we had to use them – the arse was hanging off your jeans so you just had to shove a few safety pins in it.” So Petunia wasn’t poor or she would have empathised with Snape, not criticised him.

It crops up everywhere and all the time

By complete coincidence yesterday I saw a review on Amazon that completely illustrates how notions of class pervade our conscious in Britain. It was a review for a book about Freud and feminism, an academic work. It was the only negative review amongst quite a few positive ones. I’ll let you read it then I’ll discuss:

I bought a copy for a penny on Amazon and that was over spending. I have worked in the mental health field for over thirty years and have trained as a psychotherapist and am very well acquainted with Freud's work. I was shocked by how badly this author described his ideas. If I didn't already know what she was talking about I wouldn't have had a clue about what she was saying. She really seems to be someone who wants to make a somewhat complicated subject even more complicated. I stopped at the end of her second chapter as I just couldn't take anymore. I wouldn't describe her as providing the reader with an explanation, in fact one could be forgiven for viewing her writing as an attempt at deliberate confusion or if not confusion an attempt to make what Freud had written about sexuality as even more difficult to understand than it was. Perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised by this. The author is essentially taking a Lacanian position towards Freud, a position that upper middle class complicated academics have taken up. Unfortunately these are people who really don't want to accept what Freud actually wrote and instead want to impose on his writings their own wishes for what they would have preferred him to write i.e. that the unconscious is structured like a language and that word representations exist at this level, despite Freud's own writing that this isn't so. What amuses me is that author purports to be a Marxist. Given the way she writes it's clear enough that she wants to keep the uneducated working class at quite a distance. This book is in my opinion pretentious upper middle class trash. I'm giving my copy to Oxfam.

Firstly, the fact that it’s a stream of consciousness rant should tell you enough to know that it’s not trustworthy. The most important thing, though, is the linking of academic analysis with being upper middle-class. The reviewer has taken a stance on psychoanalytical ideas that is typical of the science side of the discipline. They clearly think it’s a waste of time to look for meaning beyond practical application, e.g. for literary analysis, and something only someone with time and money would do.

It goes deeper than that as well. There’s a clear derogatory link between academia and being upper middle-class and the reviewer is offended because, as a result of their lower class, they don’t understand the book. They have tried to blame the author, by throwing around intellectual names like Lacan and Marx, and showing that they are the sort of high-standing citizen that gives to charity, but ultimately, the subject matter of the book is beyond them. They have taken this to be a result of class hindrances, which it probably is. The reviewer isn’t educated or cultured enough to understand the book. This annoys them and so they are attacking those who are.

There is a perception, which is hard to explain, that the most difficult and annoying class is the middle-class. Part of this arises out of the fact that the middle-class is such a long continuum. People who are middle-class often have delusions of being very high class, even though they probably started as working-class. They are constantly competing with each other within the class. This review is, to me, a good example of that, because it’s obvious that the reviewer is lower middle-class themselves. They have a profession, they are educated at higher education level and they are reading books about Freud for fun. They are proud to be middle-class. But then this book comes along and makes them feel alienated from their own demographic. It makes them feel like an outsider; they don’t have the power to understand the book. So they attack the author for daring to show that they aren’t so high up after all.

The perception of middle-class people of being stuck-up also links to a perception that some upper-class people are easy-going and easier to get on with for working-class people than the middle-classes. The idea being, no doubt, that the upper and working classes both understand their place, they are content with who they are. But the middle-classes are always wanting to keep with the Joneses, to get better, to compete with you. Here are 3 comedy clips that illustrate my point. The first is stand-up comedy by Billy Connolly, who’s about as working-class as you can get (it’s just audio), and the others are from a 90s sketch show (bonus: the second one has the actor who plays Mr Weasley in it!)

I always felt like Gryffindor was a bit like the annoying middle-class guy comparing you to him. I can just hear Gryffindors saying “I couldn’t help but notice that I am considerably more perfect/popular than yooouuuuwww”!

In conclusion, feel free to dislike Severus all you want, but if you could stop calling him racist I would really appreciate it.

To finish (at last, I hear you cry) here is a Brief suggested watch/listen list if you interested in representations of class. They should all be accessible online.I am happy to answer questions about any of them.

TV-

Blackadder, but only series 2-4, 1 is shit (Rowan Atkinson plays a middle-class man stuck between the stupid working and upper-classes)

Harry Enfield and Chums, Little Britain (both sketch shows attacking all classes)

Only fools and horses (2 working-class brothers try to make a living by selling dodgy goods at the market)

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet (you will need subtitles – it’s about a group of guest workers in Germany and the main characters are geordies, which means from Newcastle)

The fact that these are all comedies says it all about our views of the situation.

Films – Billy Elliot (2000)

Pride (2014) (both are about the miners’ strike in the 80s, which is the most important event in recent working-class history, and both deal with LGBT themes)

East in East (1999) (about the added struggles for working-class immigrants)

The Full Monty (1997) (about unemployed working-class men stripping for money – it’s a comedy!)

Music – the album ‘Different class’ by Pulp, a band from Sheffield, a very working-class city (which I happen to love as I went to university there) which suffered terribly from the collapse of British industry since basically all the steel was made there. The film ‘The Full Monty’ is set there.

Other – any stand-up comedy (the working-class art) by the comedians Peter Kay or (pre-2000s) Billy Connolly.

Thank you and I apologise for the length!

[benjamingarden]

Weekending

It was a beautiful weekend in our neck of the woods.  I hope it was in yours as well.  Yard clean-up was top of the list.  I wanted to get the yard tidied up so I can start working in the garden this week.  We had hoped to have mulch delivered so I could tackle that as well but it seems we are a bit early on our planning and it can't be delivered until this week or next week.  That's ok, I'll get it going on the next decent day. We have to make a trip to the grocery store this week.  Not something I'm looking forward to.  I'm hoping to get in, find what we need, and get out.  We've completely run out of fresh veggies (we still have frozen) and are almost out of fruit.  We also want to stock back up on a few pantry items, a bit more meat for Jay and some dairy & non-dairy too.

I certainly hope this finds you and your family doing well.  It's a scary time for everyone that I think will make an impact on us all for the remainder of our lives.  All we can do is to try and make that a positive impact.  Find some lessons to learn from this difficult time that may make our lives a bit better. The links I'm sharing at the end of this post are all food related in hopes to provide you ideas or recipes you may need during our shelter-in-place.

do you see those piles in the yard past the coop?  those are our raking piles.  we haven't loaded them into the truck yet.

Coop Girls - they are doing really well.  They love this time of the year because the snow is (finally) gone and they can dig and scratch and forage to their hearts content.  Egg production remains high so we've been giving them away for free to our community while we are not attending the market.  We've been told that eggs can be hard to get (not surprising) right now, so our hope is that those who need them can enjoy them.

did you know that Ollie does yoga?

Oliver - Ollie is doing good.  We haven't been taking him to the park because the last time we went it was absolutely packed so we didn't walk.  It's hard because everyone just wants to get out and there's only so many places to walk.  We'll wait until the quarantine is over.  Because his stomach is so sensitive and I've only been successful in finding one food he can eat I stocked up on it.  So I find comfort in knowing he's good for another 2 months.

Jack - oh brother.  He's been something else.  His naughty pants are at an all-time high again.  He is back to posturing and lunging at Oliver anytime I'm not right by his side.  He's such a brat.  Jack is very very funny but very very annoying.  Oliver sleeps in a pack & play in our bedroom at night.  Jack was going through a phase of jumping in it in the middle of the night and getting in Oliver's face and scaring him.  So we went through trying to keep Jack out of our bedroom (he shook the door and cried all night) and eventually the trauma of it all made him stop. Now Jack is jumping into Oliver's pack & play during the day.  (mind you, he has boxes, blankets, teepees and beds, that are his, throughout the whole house...) The problem, is that I'm afraid he will do this overnight as well because he loves it so much.  So, I've found a way to stop him.  I call it my "Jack trap" and let me tell you, it is funny.  I took a piece of netting that we use to keep the birds away from our fruit trees and clamp it onto the frame of the pack & play once we get up in the morning.  As you know, Jack isn't the brightest lamp in the park so he continues to try to jump into the pack & play throughout the day and freaks out when he hits the netting.  His hair goes straight up, his ears go back, and he shakes his head like "whoa....what was THAT????"  Sometimes he tries it a second time (again, not bright....) and eventually settles for our bed.  But he keeps on trying!  He really is something else.

Cooking - Hopefully you're taking this opportunity to cook and bake your way through your pantry.  Using up any ingredients you purchased for a recipe that you never made, or because it looked good, or even because it was on sale or really cheap.  I had some items in each of these categories ( I'm talking to you quinoa flour, xanthan gum, umeboshi plums, and harissa paste).  A cleaned out pantry will be the perfect space for, at some point, stocking up on only our true pantry essentials. On that same note, it's also a good opportunity, I realized, to go thru kitchen gadgets and purge.  If you aren't using it while you're making so much from scratch, do you really need to keep it?  I found some items that are going to be relocated once we can donate them. I'm grateful that I already had enough flour and yeast in the pantry and freezer.  We don't use either a lot so I know we are set for some time.  I've had a small bag of Einkorn flour in the freezer for a few months that I've been meaning to work with.  This past week I decided it was time to try some recipes.  The first Einkorn bread recipe I tried was a no-knead one and it was not good.  It was fairly flat, dense and crumbly.  Disappointing.  Next I went to Jovial's website (something I should have done from the beginning) and found their Einkorn Sandwich bread and hit upon a winner.  I would purchase more of this flour to create this bread recipe again and would like to try it in sourdough too. I've been trying to keep my schedule of meal prep on Saturdays.  This usually is cutting up any veggies, making a big pot of beans I'll use that week (this week it was pintos), making quinoa for salads, making bread or bread dough, and anything else that helps out for meals.  I made a batch of vegan meatballs (recipe from Minimalist Baker) that turned out really good.  Crispy on the outside and soft on the inside.  I used a few last night and put the rest in the freezer for use later.

Business - We've significantly slowed down our manufacturing for 3 reasons really: our sales are slower since they are online only (quite busy, but slower than normal); we have no idea when things will pick back up to "normal" again or, alternatively, what our new normal might be and we don't want shelves of stock just sitting there; which brings us to the third reason, practicing judicial money management to get through this.   We are fine (and will be fine), but it's the responsible and prudent thing to do for us and for the business. Anywhoo, this has allowed us extra time to get other things done.  We've been checking off some "to do" items on our list, jumping into spring projects early, and actually getting to things we've held on each of our "someday" mental lists.  One for me is to make vegan cheese.  I know, I know, just the thought likely makes you squeam, but for those of us who can't eat dairy, it's all we've got.  I've found a couple of store-bought cheeses that are good, but they contain way too much oil and some have suspect ingredients.  So, I'm hoping our shopping trip this week will score me some of the ingredients required to try fermenting for the purposes of making my own vegan cheese. It's the little things.....isn't it? Hoping you had a wonderful weekend and that you and your family stay safe and healthy. Link Love: A few recipes on this blog: No Knead Artisan Bread, SUPER easy and includes recipes for white, wheat, and gluten flour Freezer Breakfast Burritos 16 Homemade Spice & Seasoning Blends The BEST Deviled Eggs Secret Ingredient Potato Salad Homemade Enchilada Sauce Quick & Easy Skillet Spaghetti And a few from other blogs: 20+ Sourdough Recipes, including how to create and maintain a starter (Farmhouse on Boone) 100 Cheap & Easy Pantry Meals (Prudent Penny Pincher) Food Storage Tips, to help your food last longer (Cookie & Kate) 50 Pantry Recipes & Substitutions (Cookie & Kate) Healthy Homemade Easter Candy (Chocolate Covered Katie) 14 Easy Eggless Desserts (Living On A Dime) 10 Cheap Chicken Dinners (Living On A Dime) Honey Beer Bread, we made this last weekend and it was very good.  Great recipe if you don't have any yeast on hand. (Gimme Some Oven) 50 Best Beans Recipes (A Couple Cooks) Easy Garlic Naan (A Couple Cooks) 10 Homemade Pantry Staples (One Good Thing By Jillee) 100+ Easy Pantry Recipes (Gimme Some Oven) How To Make Oat Milk, because I have not been successful in finding oat milk locally and think maybe you are struggling to find it too. (Downshiftology) 16 Of The Best Chicken Thigh Recipes (What's Gaby Cooking) Extra Small Batch Chocolatey Brownies (I Am A Food Blog) I hope these links help you find some new winning dishes!

Weekending was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)

[i-like-your-genitalia]

All those questions you aren't used to?

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Yes, sometimes I think that ive imagined everything up until the moment, or I’m dreaming everything that’s happened. Which isn’t so much doubting the existence of others. But more I’m doubting that those around me and real and rather a figment of my imagination

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

It all depends how dark and probably a 2

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Donald Trump

4. What is your favorite word? N/A

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

Ooooh a weeping willow or a palm tree

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

“Where did hose pimples come from?”

7. What shirt are you wearing?

I’m wearing a dress 👀

8. What do you label yourself as?

Bisexual

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

I was on my phone either on tumblr or on YouTube

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

Being 18

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My mum or @dysfunctionalgroup

13. Your worst enemy?

My own insecurities and fears

14. What is your current desktop picture?

I don’t have a laptop or computer but the one of my phone is of me and my girlfriend and my best friend

15. Do you like someone?

Yes I do

16. The last song you listened to?

Hey Ya by Sweater Beats (cover of Hey Ya by Andre 3000)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Donald Trump or Pence

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

My sister most of the time

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

Hmmm I don’t know someone rich, and get them to buy me things

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

My hair probably

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

Probably a male version of how I currently look, same skin, eyes and hair texture + colour. I’d be slightly taller than I currently am. Still a little on the chubbier side, but a little more definition. I’d probably have a good play with my dick honestly and eat a shit ton, and watch as it doesn’t make me gain as much weight

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

The belly button thing

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

I feel like I’m afraid of just the usual things, not a huge fan of heights, being alone/abandoned, things that could eat me/kill me, I’m not afraid of the dark, just the potential for bad things to happen when it is?

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Lightly toasted ciabatta roll, nice and spicy chicken nibbles (the chicken has been stripped from the bone to put in the sandwich) butter, mayo, lettuce and tomato

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Probably of clothes or makeup or skincare

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

New Zealand-Italy-New Orleans

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

This seems a little sacrilegious but either absolute vodka (in all the flavours ) or Don Julio Tequila

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

No intentional physical or emotional harm towards those who are on the island!

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My phone or wallet tbh

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

God, I don’t know, probably when I went to do work experience and the boss of the salon I was with ended up being a real bitch to me. I was like 16 (and I wasn’t even working for money) and she made me cry.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

I am really on this New Orleans band wagon, but I’d probably go somewhere like Bora Bora or the Greek Islands

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

Carrie Fisher

34. What was your last dream about?

Myself, my girlfriend and a few of my friends were having a movie night but people kept showing up and then we ran out of seats. So I went off in search for something to sit on and found all these mattresses on the side of the road so I dragged them back to the house. Only everyone had gone. So I I piled the mattresses together so it made a tower and the my best friend and her boyfriend got stuck on top!

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Yes I’m good

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

No? I actually haven’t! I mean when I was little but I can’t remember it

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Yes he was tiny af tho

38. What is the color of your socks?

Not wearing any atm

39. What type of music do you like?

Mostly hip hop - r&b - rap but I’ll listen to most genres

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? N/A

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Snickers or Oreo

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

I don’t follow either of these

43. Do you have any scars?

I have several on my knees, one on my shin, chicken pox scar above my eyebrow, a burn mark on my shoulder and one on my inner thigh, I also have a boil scar on the opposite thigh and a wishbone scar on my lower stomach

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

A fully qualified hairdresser

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I wish I had less self doubt

46. Are you reliable?

Mostly

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Am I happy and content with where I am and who I am?

48. Do you hold grudges?

It depends on what the person did (or didn’t do)

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

A bat and a lizard (maybe a gecko or tuatara) and get a dragon looking creature

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

How my sister and I aren’t clones and yes I’m 100% sure I’m not her.

51. Are you a good liar?

Surprising yes

52. How long could you go without talking?

I suspect not long

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

When I decided to get my hair cut to a bob (it wasn’t a badly done haircut I just didn’t suit it)

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Yes, tho I don’t know if this question meant in general or for like a specific event

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

Sadly no

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Probably a heart or a star

58. What would be you dream car?

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I sing but that’s usually to whatever music I have playing

60. Do you believe in aliens?

I mean why not

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

Yeah, I mostly don’t take it super seriously

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

M or Y

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Both are lit

64. What do you think about babies?

I love babies until they start screaming and you can’t calm them down

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

[thinkhappybehappybn]

It is no surprise that Jacob and I LOVE a good coffee. We have been to tons of coffee shops throughout Georgia, from Augusta, to Atlanta, to Columbus. We also experiment with making different coffee at home. One that we are currently drinking is La Republica Coffee’s mushroom coffee (Check out my post about mushroom coffee).

I have compiled a list of the 3 best coffee shops that I have found in Columbus, Georgia. These are in no particular order.

Of course you can always go to Starbucks, Dunkin’ Donuts and other places like that, if you want. We try to support local businesses especially when it comes to food and I urge you to do the same!

Cafe Motif

Cafe Motif is a pretty new coffee shop in Columbus. It has a very modern and clean design. Owner, Jaime, is intent on providing quality coffee and quality breakfast items. You can find local articles about Cafe Motif and you’ll also find that they tout 5 stars on Yelp.

They offer “A CREATIVE SPACE DEDICATED TO SERVE AND PROMOTE EXCEPTIONAL COFFEE”.

Our experience

We visited around 10/11 am on a Saturday and boy was it busy! There were several families and the workers were hustling to get everyone their orders. I decided I wasn’t going to try anything because I already had my limit of 2 cups of coffee and we just had breakfast at home; but Jacob cannot resist a cold brew and he loved it. Their prices are a little higher than other coffee shops but you can tell why. Cafe Motif are providing quality. Jacob said their cold brew was made well and he would definitely spend the extra money to buy from here.

I follow Cafe Motif on Instagram and they are always posting new menu items that look amazing.

Midtown Coffee House

Midtown Coffee House is one of those comforting places where you just feel like you’re at home. Their mission:

“Midtown Coffee House is a new concept with an old soul. We’re committed to providing premium food and drinks in a way that makes our community feel welcome and comfortable. From our ingredients to our attitudes, everything we do is fresh and inviting. Our passion…living our faith by serving others with our best.”

This coffee house has a wide range of amazing coffee and great food. Something else I like about this place is their subtle mention of God and Bible verses throughout. This adds a touch of comfort to me because I know that they are trying to do good.

Midtown Coffee House also has a coffee camper that you can book. You can book this camper for an event like a wedding on the weekend!

Some of their drinks include:

A Caramanilla, this a “caramel + caramel & vanilla latte”

Razzle dazzle, which is a raspberry mocha

And all of your classics, white mocha, mocha, latte, cappucino, and americano.

Some of their food items include:

Breakfast paninis with spinach, egg and feta OR bacon, egg and cheese

“Grown up” grilled cheese with Gruyere, white cheddar, and American cheeses with bacon on Italian bread

Lots of sweets, of course

Our experience

Jacob and I have been to Midtown Coffee House a few times and we love it. One of the times that we’ve gone, was before Jacob left for Ranger School. (check out my blog post about Ranger School). We both got coffees, his was a decaf because he was trying to wean off of coffee before he left.

The next time I went by myself the day of Jacob’s pass from Ranger School. He said he wanted a coffee on his pass so I went straight to Midtown. I also got their breakfast paninis that I mentioned above and of course I had to get the classic bacon, egg and cheese. On top of the coffee and sandwich I got a cinnamon roll as well! I ate my panini while I drove to see Jacob (I know, that’s a bad habit), but it was so incredibly good.

Jacob devoured the food I got for him and I was happy I went to Midtown Coffee House.

Will I go back to Midtown Coffee House? You bet! I love everything that they are about. They are putting out amazing coffee and tasty food!

Origin Coffee

We found out about Origin Coffee from a coupon book in the mail. When we saw the coupons there was no way we weren’t going to go! The coupon we used was for a free coffee, so we rushed there.

About Origin

Origin Coffee strives to make food and coffee from scratch, with fresh ingredients. Origin is committed to providing authentic organic Colombian coffee to their customers.

The decor is nice and simple with hints of Colombia all around. This is the perfect coffee shop to go for some peace and quiet, a good coffee and to study or do some work.

Their Menu

Origin Coffee has a variety of different drinks and food items.

Some of the drinks include:

Coffee, Americano, Macchiato, and cubano.

Lattes with different specialty latte flavors.

Some of their food items:

Avocado toast, club sub, Cuban sandwich and much more.

They also have a selection of desserts that I assume changes every once in a while.

Our Experience

When we went with our coupon in hand, we only got the free drink. We wanted to make sure they actually had good coffee before we spent some real money! The coffee was so, so good. You could taste the authenticity and also the worker was so helpful. Even though we didn’t get anything he told us his favorite lattes in order and his favorite sandwiches in order. I wish I would have written them down to share with you.

We went back just to try the food and I was excited and hungry. I ordered the “chipollo” and a kids grilled cheese with chicken added. I will be the first to tell you that I was no longer excited when I saw the sandwiches… let me show you and explain.

There was no description for the grilled cheese so I guess I shouldn’t have expected much. But this looked to me like an MRE cracker with cheese spread on it and all the cheese wasn’t even melted!

But anyway, on to my sandwich. The description of the “chipollo” is as follows:

sliced white meat chicken breast, roasted turkey, Brickman’s southwestern jack cheese, red onion, house-made chipotle ranch, avocado. Served hot on all-natural panini bread 

Sounds good, right? Well it was and here it is.

It had the same MRE cracker vibe but it was actually really tasty. I didn’t really care for the Lay’s chips and to me it just took away from the “Fresh ingredients, made from scratch” vibe, but that’s okay.

Although the sandwich was extremely good, I left still hungry. (I didn’t want to spend more money on food when I could just eat something small at home)

Will I go back to Origin Coffee? Yes! They have quality coffee. I definitely recommend coming here and trying their specialty lattes.

There are tons of other coffee shops around Columbus and I am in no way diminishing their business. We love Iron Bank Coffee Company and Fountain City Coffee are awesome coffee shops located in Uptown Columbus. This list is just made up of coffee shops that I’ve been to and that I like.

If you have any coffee shops that you love in your hometown or where ever please share! I’d love to hear all about it.

Here are some coffee items that I’m loving lately:

Pet coffee mugs for only $13.99. Click HERE.

Cute coffee T-shirts for only $14.99, click HERE.

Colombe Coffee: Jacob and I have been drinking this coffee for a couple of weeks. Click HERE >>> La Colombe Corsica Whole Bean Coffee, 12 Oz.

Coffee grinder for those of you that buy coffee beans. Click the picture below to check it out.

Travel coffee tumbler to take your coffee on the go, click the picture below to check it out. It comes with a stainless steel straw!

Coming up next to the blog is homemade dairy-free coffee creamer & milk, a distillery, and a review of Smile Brilliant! I cannot wait to share with you all everything that is coming! If you have any recommendations of what I should write about next please share, I want to write about what you want to read about.

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Love,

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3 of the Best Coffee Spots in Columbus, Ga It is no surprise that Jacob and I LOVE a good coffee. We have been to tons of coffee shops throughout Georgia, from Augusta, to Atlanta, to Columbus.