#no joy in sight

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

getting older can be so amazing? you get more familiar with yourself. learn tips & tricks for troubleshooting your own brain. trial & error helps you build routines that minimize discomfort, maximize reward. your preferences/interests don't get set in stone, but you do find out which ones are going to stay with you in the long-term, and which ones are fun but transient joys to appreciate in the moment.

you learn that the world is so much more complex than you were taught, and that that's okay, and that there's an endless supply of things you can learn or watch or experience or think about if you want to. if you're lucky, you loosen up, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. if you're lucky, you learn to recognize that negative inner voice, and whack it with a baseball bat until it hushes up. if you're lucky, you learn to treat yourself gently, not because you are fragile but because you are worthy of gentleness. (i hope you are lucky.)

and some things will change. some things will get better. some things will get good. and maybe you start to recover from the dehumanizing stress of childhood/education. maybe you learn the power of your own autonomy. maybe you learn how to walk away from bad situations (which is a superpower even if you don't realize it yet). and you get to choose your own clothes. and your own food. and which relationships to pursue! and what you do with your free time. and with your life (but don't worry you get to choose that gradually). and that's crazy! and sometimes scary. and extraordinarily, indescribably precious.

[valtsv]

how do you feel about the fact that 'sanguine' means both 'bloody' and 'optimistic'

THERAPIST: this isn't exactly what i meant when i suggested changing your mindset

ME, WEARING THE BIGGEST, FOULEST GRIN YOU CAN IMAGINE AND CLUTCHING A THESAURUS IN MY BLOOD-DRENCHED HANDS:

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Birthday to Fallen London; My favourite British people beefing it with bats simulator.

[saydesole]

You deserve a beautiful love story

[romatito]

more 🏳️‍⚧️🇪🇸 bc shes taken control of Every part of my mind. miss spagna............ i have feelings for u

[suusoh]

love love LOVE all those eddie fanfics where you're next in line for the castration saw, only for him to stand shock at finding out you don't need it because it turns out you do indeed have... a pussy. and something deep within him, in the mess of all the delusion in his muddled and banged up brain, something just clicks.

[fiction-quotes]

The autumn drifted away through all its seasons; the golden corn-harvest, the walks through the stubble fields, and rambles into hazel-copses in search of nuts; the stripping of the apple-orchards of their ruddy fruit, amid the joyous cries and shouts of watching children; and the gorgeous tulip-like colouring of the later time had now come on with the shortening days. There was comparative silence in the land, excepting for the distant shots, and the whirr of the partridges as they rose up from the field.

  —  Wives and Daughters (Elizabeth Gaskell)

[lycandrophile]

yknow there’s so much bad shit out there in the world and so much of it is aimed at people like me and i spend so much of my time trying to understand it and document it and make sense of it but sometimes. sometimes i hear someone singing a duet with their pre-t voice and the harmonies are breathtaking and i just want to open my bedroom window and scream to the cars driving by that I LOVE US I LOVE US GOD I FUCKING LOVE US

[ahaura]

Briton Riviere (British, 1840–1920) The Welcome (n.d.)

[crab-people-overlord]

okay but can we talk about 'Mystery of the Urinal Deuce' because this episode is literally EVERYTHING when it comes to Stan and Kyle's friendship. Marsh is playing dumb the whole episode and Kyle is losing his goddamn mind over it. The betrayal. The DRAMA.

Stan in this scene knows damn well that everything is a conspiracy (he admits as much later in the episode and knows that Kyle thinks the same thing). And Kyle knows damn well that Stan out of everyone should also know this, because Stan is the one person he can usually count on to back him up on this type of shit. But Stan is the one messing with him in this episode, so we get these fun moments of Stan letting loose and enjoying pranking his friend Kyle. 

Many see the Assburger's duology as the establishment and turning point of Stan’s character. And while it certainly establishes his clinical depression, I’d argue it in no way establishes either his tendency towards depression/melancholy OR cynicism as both of those have always been present from the beginning (but that’s another discussion for another day. I already basically wrote an essay on that a longgg time ago that maybe I’ll share later).

When it comes to a true  ‘turning point’ for Stan’s character, I think of ‘Raisin’s’ ‘from Season 7, which expands on his already present tendency towards sensitivity and annoyances with general society and evolves it into a deep melancholy and detachment from society (at times bordering on nihilism, something we see more of from Stan post Season 7’s ‘Raisins’ such as in the ‘Douche and Turd’ episode in Season 8 and many other episodes). I don’t see the ‘You’re Getting Old’ episode as the turning point for Stan’s character at all. I see it more as an extension of what I actually view as his turning point episode of ‘Raisin’s’. 

What I love about ‘Mystery of the Urinal Deuce’ is it is a post ‘Raisin’s’ episode where Stan just gets to play around, which is sadly something we just don’t see from Stan post-season 7 as often. 

Kyle has always been the easiest target for Cartman not even necessarily because of his traits, but because of his reactions. He is super reactive to everything, and Stan knows this. Unlike Cartman, Stan respects this and usually stands up for Kyle when this aspect of him is taken advantage of. But at the same time, this doesn’t mean that Stan doesn’t like to tease Kyle at times - because let’s be real; Kyle’s high reactivity would make it so fun to mess with him. And in this episode, Stan takes advantage of that. 

And while usually I hate people taking advantage of Kyle in this way, it is so goddamn refreshing to see Stan just being able to let go of all the heavy shit that’s been so key to his character emotionally post-Season 7 and just play around with his bestie in this episode, something I think that at the core of his character he ultimately just wants to be able to do at the end of the day. you can TASTE the shit-eating grin in his voice. he is having the TIME OF HIS LIFE watching Kyle spiral. stan tries so GODDAMN hard to find happiness throughout the series to no avail, so it’s refreshing the times he succeeds and gets to just actually be himself.

Later on in the episode, Stan is also just able to let loose. His ‘Well dude, maybe we’re just badass, have you ever thought of that?’ later on in the episode is said so nonchalantly with him literally smirking, and it cracks me up every time as he tries to appease Kyle’s doubts. He is thoroughly enjoying pranking his friend. 

like yes give me more of this next season?? give me more of stan actually getting to be a kid and mess around with his best friend instead of drowning in existential dread 24/7? please and thank you?

[coquelicoq]

yan ruohai is trying sooo hard not to get pulled into the gravitational pull of fan xian's dad field. it's kinda cute. the only reason he's able to resist for so long is because his actual son is in danger in a foreign country because of fan xian. but you can see he still has to talk himself into it. i DON'T like you. your lackadaisical attitude is NOT charming. i may have brought bixia's order to release you from prison, but i didn't ENJOY it. okay old man keep telling yourself that.

[saydesole]

Happy Valentine's Day 🤎

[quentinfiletmignon]

2024 ❤️

RAMMSTEIN • 12.05.24 • AIRPORT LETŇANY, PRAGUE 🇨🇿

BIATHLON WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS • 13.-18.02.24 • NOVÉ MĚSTO NA MORAVĚ 🇨🇿

WIEN 🇦🇹 • 05.-07.07.24

[saberdramon]

slowly convincing myself that kiryu would have less inhibitions about killing someone than majima. majima has been told it's better to get by without killing if possible and he failed the one hit he was assigned. it's not that it's an option entirely off the table for him, but i think you'd have to push him pretty far for him to seriously consider it as a valid solution. that, and he probably has had enough experiences with shit like hits and the like for him to see them as flawed courses of action more often than not. the facade of being a loose cannon capable of anything may be etched into his performances, but when it counts i think he'd rather find an alternative solution instead.

but kiryu. i keep thinking about nishiki genuinely believing he killed the guy in the empty lot for a moment. and him picking up the pipe in the sewer after beating kuze. about nishiki joking about him being a sadist, getting into fights for fun. i don't think it's all that far fetched to say kiryu is at least more tempted than majima when it comes to killing someone. he's already a person driven by emotion and instinct and impulse, he himself says he makes decisions based on whether he loves or hates the outcome. and if he enjoys beating people to the brink, gets a little too lost in the thrill, maybe the body at his feet won't be getting up anymore. that said it'd be silly to think kiryu wouldn't be explicitly aware of tendencies like this and feel guilt over them, most likely.

there's also kazama's influence over him. i think, had kazama told him to, kiryu would've killed without question. i don't think there's a person in majima's life capable of steering him like that, unless y3-5 have decided against that and i just don't know about it yet

anyway. majima could kill a guy, but kiryu would kill a guy. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[thepersonalwords]

Embrace the love of your life.

Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!

[catladychronicles]

🌱