#no it’s not… that’s a dumbass talking point i used to regurgitate to

[sammygender]

anyway from the tags on that post some of u guys seem to think the problem with radfems is the feminist part and not the transphobia part

[triple-mayday]

It’s Pride Month Y’all 🏳️‍🌈

So, our community took quite a beating this past year, especially gender nonconforming and trans people. Which means there are several things I want you folks, allies included, to accept and commit to.

One: We are back to Pride being a protest. Stay safe, attend community events in groups, be bold, be loud, be absolutely UNAPOLOGETICALLY QUEER. Be mentally ready for right wing cannibals to attack us. Log off social media if you need to.

Two: Don’t let yourself be intimidated. Safety is important, but if you can be extra then go for it. Buy that cheesy gay pin. Wrap yourself in the colors that represent you. Eat cotton candy and dick shaped lollipops. Smear glitter all over your face. Attend a drag show. Flirt with that ambiguously gendered, beautiful stranger across the bar you’ve been staring at for the past thirty minutes. Be happy, meet friends, make love, this is your time.

Three: Bigots are a minority. A dangerous, genocidal, loud, scared, quickly diminishing minority. GOP’s culture war bullshit is not even popular among republicans, they are doomed. We will prevail no matter what. We will survive, we will live, and today we will be proud. Your life is precious. Your community wants to see you flourish. You are accepted by millions, and millions will stand up for you.

Four: People of color get the heaviest punch out of all of us. If you are white/white passing, go out of your damn way to be as welcoming and supportive as you can. Open your ears and listen. Open your heart and love. POC should never feel excluded from queer spaces. We are one community, we must stand up for our own. No tolerance for bullshit, no downplaying racism, no coddling “problematic” people, none of it. Housekeeping, folks. Clean up the space. Bigotry has no place in this community. That includes colorism, xenophobia, antisemitism, Islamophobia, and other flavors of hatred.

Five: Fuck TERFs. Trans people are human beings worthy of love, acceptance, and respect. Transgender, non-binary, intersex, nonconforming, and questioning people BELONG at Pride. We stand in union and we prevail. If you don’t understand these communities then ask THEM about their experiences (with respect and dignity). Do not slurp up diarrhea from some hate forum. Leave your house. Meet people. Be strong. They are not your enemy.

Six: NO INFIGHTING. None. Nada. I don’t care if you see a shitty take on bird app. Block. Move on. I don’t care if some teenager is awkwardly regurgitating a Frankenstein-esque perversion of progressive talking points. No. Not the time. Save it for the year we have all our human rights codified. This month, for the love of everything holy, clench your cheeks and DO. NOT. FIGHT. EACH. OTHER. No bullshit discourse, no oppression Olympics, no “kink at Pride bad”, fuck you, leather puppies do not bite, go eat a rainbow cookie and shut up. This year we are uplifting our community. Meet your elders. Support the kids. And whatever anger and vitriol you have, please, be a doll and throw it all at conservatives. If you need to terrorize someone, go to Matt Walsh’s Twitter and bully him for wanting to fuck underage girls and kill trans kids. Call your representatives and yell at them. If you want to rage, at least make it beneficial to democracy. Don’t target annoying dumbasses in your own community. Target people who are literally trying to murder you.

Stay safe.

Stay strong.

Stay true to yourself.

You are loved. You are wanted. You belong.

Happy Pride, everybody 🏳️‍🌈

[gideonsrival]

hi dumbass. were talking about the way these "only online" bisexuals TALK abojt other women. not about who they fuck or date. if they only date men that's their perogative. if they insist women sre scawwy and keep regurgitating irritating slogans like "Girl hot... boob hot... girl in red?? i could be a better bf than him.... lets ditch our bfs and get married🥺🥺 BI HAIRCUT. BI CLOTHING. BI PERSONALITY TRAIT" they are insufferable and the modern equivalent of quirky girls thinking boys find it hot when they sing about making out with women. its a trendy personality accesory and not a sexual orientation for so many online retards and YOU WILL be mocked for defending it<3 normal bis have all the right to say u dont belong hijacking conversations about bisexuality

I just don’t understand what there is to be so upset about. Again, it’s a lot of assuming that these women only talk about other women. That they’re performing their bisexuality. And you say online only, but this is an issue that has plagued conversations about bisexuality forever. I was out as bisexual in middle school in the mid-2000’s, and I got the same responses: you’re bisexual for attention from boys. And I internalized that and started policing my friends’ or classmates’ bisexuality as well. “She’s not really bi. She’s just doing it for attention. She’s confused. It’s trendy. It’s a fad. She’s not a real, good, grade-A bisexual like me!” And other bisexuals spoke this way about it as well. It initially prevented me from coming out because I was afraid that if I didn’t do bisexuality in exactly the right way, I wouldn’t be bisexual. But that’s just not how it works.

I don’t personally feel like anyone has the authority to tell me if I’m queer enough. I’m the only authority on that. Which is exactly why I feel like it’s revealing when others feel so responsible to inform bisexual women that they’re not doing it right. It comes from a place of insecurity. Other bisexuals being “bad” online is of no concern to me. The whole point of everything is that people should have more freedom to experiment, more flexibility with discovering their sexuality, and more patience as they do it at their own pace. The fact that you care about being seen as a “normal” bisexual or the fact that you propose I’m afraid of being “mocked” for defending the fake bis shows how much you are concerned of being perceived as one of these fake bis. You think they make us look bad. I have had that hate in my heart for the “bad examples” in my community, and I have also been wrong about my assessment of someone else’s sexuality. And the remorse I felt (having been the victim of that myself) made me realize that actually just letting people do them and not let that reflect on me was a much more positive direction for myself and my community.

Or you could throw that all away to say the “r” slur in an anon on Tumblr… I hope you change your mind! ✌️

[notyouraryang0dd3ss]

THAT SLUR HAS NEVER BEEN SAID ON THIS BLOG, YOU RACIST FREAK.

If you’re going to say an ANTIBLACK slur you have a OBLIGATION to CLARIFY you are BLACK before you use it. You don’t get to both repeat racial slurs AND refuse to state your race without people calling your racial identity into question. Of course I’m going to speculate your race if you’re going to repeat anti black slurs on your blog. Your race absolutely does matter in this context and you refusing to do so makes me question your racial identity.

The fact you EXPLICITLY REFUSED to state your Black identity before that slur makes me believe you are not Black! And not only, I don’t believe you’re poc either! The ONLY PEOPLE I’ve ever seen online be so adamant about their race being irrelevant are WHITE PEOPLE. If you are going to talk about race and racism on your blog your racial identity is 100% relevant and necessary to understand the context of your opinion(s).

Your incorrect usage of the term “Desi” makes me think you have interacted very little with other poc either online or irl. Your comfortability repeating the c slur online while refusing to state your race makes me believe you’re another white person cosplaying as PoC online.

This is a phenomenon I've witnessed WHITE people do online --ESPECIALLY WHITE CONSERVATIVES (usually bigots!) -- who pretend to be a marginalized person and regurgitate white conservative catchlines to validate white conservative talking points. See:

Every other Black person I’ve witnessed online openly has BLACK stated in their bio, ESPECIALLY those who are going to use antiblack slurs. Or they have publicly posted their face, their BLACK FACE, on-fucking-line that very clearly shows they are BLACK. And do not come at me with whitepassing claims, it was YOUR responsibility to disclose your Black identity online.

A LOT people of color know its common for other to reclaim or reuse racial slurs against them in a joking or casual context. It is GENERALLY UNDERSTOOD BY THE GENERAL PUBLIC you do NOT repeat these racial slurs if you are NOT that of that racial group, and this extends towards ALL marginalized groups! If you are not part of that marginalized community, you do not get to repeat or reclaim slurs against that marginalized group! And people with said marginalized identity are allowed to say and reclaim these words! NOT ANYONE ELSE.

BIPOC calling into question someone’s racial identity online is not immature, it is a safety tactic to protect themselves and their community from bigots infiltrating online community spaces. You’d know this if you were here for the 2018 Russian PsyOp that basically forced the Black tumblr exodus. So no, I'm practicing healthy suspicion because your behavior tracks with other white conservatives online who have pretended to be BIPOC online.

Back to what you accused me of:

You literally said you saw ME use the term on my blog and now you backtrack and say you’ve seen my ANONS use it? You’re inconsistent in your claims aka STOP BULLSHITTING. You’ve clearly already established your reputation as a liar who likes putting any anti in actual danger online. I hate shitswiftiessay but in point in time did they ever doxx any swiftie on their blog. You are intentionally accusing anti blogs to have them targeted by swifties so our blogs are deleted and even doxxed. FUCK YOU.

ANYWAYS. I thought I blocked your dumbass. Goodbye weirdo.

Not defendingts putting you on a "Taylor antis blocklist" for *checks notes* falesley equivocating anti zionism with antisemitism. Not only is that a dangerous rhetoric to spread and perpetrate, it's exactly the kind of lack of nuance I'd expect from someone like that. I hope your inbox doesn't get turned into a minefield from her doing that

i did what now?!? 😭 gonna close my ask box for a couple days then…i really need to catch up on answering asks

edit: i saw the follow up ask that someone sent about me - thank you to that desi anon for defending my name and honor, i love u. HOWEVER, I MUST CLARIFY: I AM BLACK. I AM NOT DESI. I AM BLACK.

[prinxlyart]

I will say, I am hungry again and I have a few ask for your Willumity/Vinira headcannons. HOWEVER to be fair to you. This time I will restrain myself and simply ask for you to share any headcanons you want to share as of now!

You can ALWAYS ask for more Willumity.

A L W A Y S

But!! Since you’ve given me free reign to just play in this sandbox, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do

We all agree that Luz is hella ADHD. This girl will talk for HOURS about the shit she likes. If something grabs her attention, she wants to know everything about it. She doesn’t like being told to do things, but she loves being asked to do things. For example: if someone tells her she needs to do a thing her brain will immediately click into the “No” position and will refuse to budge. If someone asks her to do something, her brain clicks to “help? I can help? I can help with a thing for this person? Yes! I’ll help this person with this task because it will make them happy! Yes! I can help!” This is why acts of service resonate so strongly with her.

I don’t know what mental diversity looks like on the Boiling Isles considering how just. Horror-based everything is? But I’m 100% on that autistic Amity train. She has to do things a Certain Way or she’ll teeter on the edge of a meltdown. She refuses to touch/eat certain textures. She usually doesn’t know what the appropriate response/reaction is to a given conversation, especially with her socialite friends, which is why she just remains a cool mask of indifference. She’ll inspect every detail of anything that’s handed to her. She’s incredibly smart, but doesn’t always know how to convey what she knows and understands into words other people can understand. The only people allowed in her personal space are her siblings. Eventually that also stems to Luz and Willow, maybe more as she grows more comfortable with herself? But usually anyone getting in her space is overwhelming and alarming. Defo has a hard time regulating/processing her emotions.

I need to make an entire post dedicated to Augustus Porter because my boy deserves it, but I’ll toss some random things here. He has a signed poster from the head of the Illusionist Coven framed on his bedroom wall. He and his dad have bi-weekly after-dinner standup comedy sessions with each other (Perry has kept a secret journal of all of Gus’s best jokes he’s done over the years that he reads whenever he needs a pick-me-up).

Perry and Eda knew each other in school in passing. Their social circles overlapped but they were never hanging out in the same groups. When Gus is very little (like, maybe 3 or 4?), Perry takes him to the market to just wander around and they find Eda’s Human Collectibles Stand. She and Perry catch up, he introduces her to his son, and Eda (ever the saleswoman) pulls out some shiny human thing that Gus is immediately taken with. In between her and Perry catching up, Gus asks her a million questions about the thing he’s been given and then even more questions about other stuff at her stand. She actually finds it really fun to show off her human shit to someone so enthralled by it. She makes some stuff up here and there just to mess with him, but he’s too young to realize it’s a joke or not true, and takes everything at face value. We all know Eda likes to get a little theatrical with her sales pitches; she does the Salesperson act with everything Gus asks her about. She lets Gus take a couple items home just because he was such a riot and Perry insists he pay for something, but Eda just waves them off and tells him that this is just an investment in a lifelong customer. She had no idea how right she was because Gus defo became obsessed with human culture from that point on. He also picked up on Eda’s super theatrical sales pitches (because he thought it was funny and because he thought that’s just how you’re supposed to show human stuff to people) and began showing off his own “human collectibles museum” to his dad with the same theatrical voice. Perry plays along with this too (as a news anchor he’s got a great announcer voice) and ta-da! That’s how we get the boy we all know and love today. It’s 100% Eda’s fault, but Perry definitely encouraged it because it made his son so happy. That’s also why Gus doesn’t seem especially perturbed at meeting Eda for the first time in ep 3. Or for interjecting his new Human Knowledge in the moment she was patting Luz’s head. He’s used to having conversations with her about human junk whenever she has her stand up. Eda’s secretly relieved that one of Luz’s new friends is actually someone she kinda knows. It’s Perry’s kid, and Perry’s a good guy. His little squirt seems to be growing up to be pretty good too.

Eda scoffs at “nerdy” shit as if she hasn’t owned the Clawthorne Braincell her entire life. “She worked twice as hard” “-that just made me work harder than you!”. Eda’s extremely smart and extremely talented. She likely created the secret room of shortcuts entirely on her own. She probably studied in the school library constantly, but under the guise of causing mischief. And like. She probably did both. She was a potions track kid so she probably knew all the best ways to make stink bombs that she could leave hidden in the shelves. She hated school because she was so limited and stifled; she only wanted to learn magic and was told no at every turn. So when she learned magic on her own, yknow, without the guidance of a teacher, there’s bound to be some major fuck ups. Once she’s fine-tuned her mistakes though, she absolutely turns them into pranks. You say I’m not allowed to study multiple tracks, bumpikins?? Well how’s THIS!!! How’s THAT for focus??? (Half of her pranks were also just her showing off and desperately hoping to prove that she could learn any type of magic and couldn’t be constrained to just the one. Bump recognized this of course, but he had strict guidelines to follow and no Luz Noceda to call him out for it.)

Camila treasures her daughter more than life itself. I personally refuse to headcanon anything to do with her extended family or why she’s a single parent (too many variables and options that could be addressed in the show), but I do know that she loves Luz more than anything. It’s exhausting being a single mom, working as a nurse, and trying to be there for her ADHD daughter when the rest of the world doesn’t seem to want her. It hurts her so much to see her baby, the light of her life, her Luz, be brushed aside and written off as “the weirdo”, or bullied, or even outright hated by some people just because she’s a little different. She’s had to have some words with the school staff for how they treat her on occasion. Did you see that Principal’s death glare in the first ep?? He hates her. Camila’s there not just because she’s Luz’s parent, but also to act as a barrier between the principal and Luz. She would move Heaven and Earth for Luz, but it can be a lot when you’re the only adult around. I truly believe she wanted Luz to go to that camp to learn how to be friends with kids that didn’t already know her or her quirks. Even she sounded unsure of what they would do at that camp, but she had full faith that this would be Luz’s opportunity to make friends with other kids that could teach her to like....more mainstream stuff. So she could learn how to mimic their (hopefully, toned down) behaviors. She just wants her baby to be accepted by others.

This next one’s a doozy so hold on to your butts

Lilith is technically smart. And I mean that in a literal sense - she can read and understand the fundamentals of magic, the concepts and execution of complex spells, recite entire chapters of Boiling Isles history, you name it. Many adults in her youth called her gifted because of it. All she actually did was absorb the information and regurgitate it when asked. She thrived on the praise she received. What made her different from her sister is that she never wanted anything more than to do as she was told. Her biggest goal? Her dream job? Was to just be given orders by the Emperor. I’m sure there’s all sorts of flowery propaganda surrounding that, advertising how incredible it is to be in the Emperor’s Coven, what an honor it is to work alongside the witch that can speak to the Titan. But it’s literally just. Taking orders. And knowing you’re somehow better than everyone else because you’ve been selected to be among the elite. She never strived for anything more; she never wanted to do anything else but enforce the Emperor’s will because that was “the highest honor” a witch could have. As a result (or in conjunction rather) she lacks literally any amount of foresight. There’s only one braincell in the Clawthorne Family and her sister has it because this dumbass doesn’t think about anyone but herself. Instead of talking with Eda about what they should do when they were told there was only one spot left in the Emperor’s Coven, she walked away. Only thinking of how she could secure her victory. She didn’t ask Eda how she felt about the situation, she didn’t let Eda speak her mind about what her own desires were; Eda made it clear enough that she just wanted to be by Lilith’s side, she didn’t care what that meant. She just wanted to be with her big sister. Eda tried to reach out to her to discuss their cirumstances, but Lilith just walked away like the broody, self-centered teenager that she was and resolved to cheat her way to victory. When Eda knew this was her dream. Why would she think Eda would take away her dream???? She could’ve asked Eda to throw the duel? She could’ve asked her to fake the match? Or even fake sick? Or just not even shown up! If she didn’t show up it could’ve counted as a forfeit and Lilith would’ve earned the spot by default! But no, she had to ruin her sister’s entire life in an act of cowardice and dishonor because she’s so full of herself and didn’t read the fine print. She loves her sister, of course she does, but she’s so self-absorbed that she’s never seen Eda for who she actually is and wasted both of their lives as a result. And this is all just analysis of her character and that flashback, this isn’t even headcanons. I think if she has any amount of respect for her sister (she doesn’t), her redemption will have to go far far beyond an apology and taking on half the curse. When I say Lilith is a dumbass, this is specifically what I mean. She doesn’t think about how her actions will affect those around her. She was the Head of the Emperor’s Coven, literally one of the most powerful positions she could possibly be in on the Boiling Isles and still sacrificed Amity’s dignity and years of hard work just so she could be ensured that she could one-up her sister. She did this in front of everyone in attendance of that Witches Duel. She risked Amity’s credibility as a witch, as a Blight, and as a person just to fuel her own ego. It’s no wonder Amity was so upset; the witch she’s been idolizing her whole life didn’t think she had what it took to best a human that couldn’t do magic in a witches duel. That can fuck up your self esteem something fierce. And Lilith hardly seemed to give a shit!!!! She didn’t care that she just trashed Amity’s reputation in front of dozens of spectators!!!! I’m v bitter about Lilith as a character in case you couldn’t tell.

If I had to throw a headcanon in, I’ll toss one in that sterling and I have discussed: Lilith literally doesn’t know how to live her life as an independent adult. Sure, she knows how to like. Make herself some easy dinners? But that’s literally only because she used to make herself and Eda dinners when they were kids. Beyond that, she has no fucking idea. She can do the basic household chores any teenager knows how to do, but she’s lived in the Emperor’s Castle with the rest of the Coven since she joined. It’s kind of like living in a college dorm; food and a room is provided, there’s maybe a laundry service, she’s never had to pay taxes in her life (not that Eda does, but yknow). The only things she buys for herself (if she doesn’t make it herself) is her hair dye and books. When she first moves in to the Owl House, she has no idea how the household chores are done. She’s on House Cleaning Duty Eternally and the first......I’ll say year. Eda will wake her up by banging pots and pans over her head once every month and scream-singing about how it’s House Cleaning Day, pull out her lawn chairs and some lemonade, and she and Luz (and sometimes King) will just sit back and relax and watch the show that is Lilith trying to clean Hooty. Hooty does not like to cooperate with her (partially because Lilith is a special friend and partially because he knows how much joy it brings Eda and Luz to watch her struggle).

Oof I could go on but this is already one hell of a post huh? Sorry (not really) for dragging Lilith so hard; not a joke, tumblr made me split hers up into two bullet points because it couldn’t comprehend my ranting for so long in one bullet point. I do love sharing these with y’all though, they’re so much fun and I’m so glad you guys like my rambling. <3333

[omegawolverine]

LET ME HEAR THE VERSION OF MAXIMUM RIDE THAT LIVES IN UR HEAD RENT FREE

oh dear god are you gonna regret asking...

-fax is not a thing bc i hate cishets /j

-max bisexual transgirl who just talks about Women with fang bc they're gay best friends now.

-fang is autistic. and gay. a dumb boy kisser. he likes men. also a he/they user :] has a lot of food related sensory issues which sucks :/ also the feeling of skin rubbing against his drives him fucking crazy

-nudge is an enby transfem lesbian with adhd who will hyperfixate on basically any and every fashion trend she likes. uses she/they pronouns btw annnnd they once tried to steal a whole bunch of y2k fashion stuff from a store, which they wouldve gotten away with doing so had max not seen and then snatched their ass up 😔

-gazzy adhd combined type and he stims a lot with his wings !! also says poggers as a vocal stim idc if the series was set way before poggers was a thing, he says it.

-big man iggy is a pansexual transman with inattentive type adhd :] will hyperfixate on just about any tv show ever and will then go regurgitate that information to fang bc they info dump to each other on the reg. also iggy has lil dancey stims that he does while cooking bc i said so

-angel...i just think shes the type to commit arson. this has no place in my actual version of maxium ride but i just think she should commit arson at some point......

-i think the last like two books in the actual series (not the spinoff or whatever the fuck it is bc i havent read it still despite owning the book) should just not exist and instead they just get therapy and get to be real kids. like when they went to an actual school type beat but without the drama and almost dying and wacko science stuff

-also get rid of all the confusing sibling plotlines like the characters can stay but im just. fuck the weird sibling shit it's so unnecessary. the only siblings in this version are the dumbass bird children

-angel would be a gifted kid not even bc of the whole mind reading bit but just bc she's smart 🤷‍♀️ probably neurodivergent but i havent come up with any specifics

-max curb stomps a homophobe at some point for my own enjoyment

-fang keeps his long hair bc fuck you that's why /j (no but actually the long hair is a must in my version)

- ^ also. braids. everyone braids their hair bc they look pretty with them. they're a pretty boy, what can i say?

-gazzy gets weirdly into skater fashion at some point just bc

-nudge gets box braids and gets to be around other black people for once. also she uses aave

i think that's about it all the dumb shit i should share about this wack ass version i came up with literally ages ago to soothe my own growing anger towards that bitch of a series. had it not been for my own hyperfixation, she would be dead to me /hj

[katsukis-sad-angel]

Ferris Wheel

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou

Word Count: 1.5K

Summary: Mina takes the Bakusquad to a carnival. Just as the sun begins to set, she gets everyone to hop on the Ferris Wheel to enjoy the view. You end up sitting in a carriage with Bakugou.

Warnings: vomiting, reader has a fear of heights, swearing, fluff

baku sideburns

--

“Guys! Oh my god, a Ferris wheel!”

Mina nearly dropped her ice cream in her excitement, grabbing your arm and dragging you toward the huge, rickety structure. The rest of the Bakusquad trailed behind, shaking their heads at Mina's childish reaction to the well-known fair ride.

When your pink-skinned friend had heard about the huge carnival coming to Musutafu, she nearly exploded. Without consent from anyone in the group, she bought tickets and forced you, Sero, Kaminari, Bakugou, and Kirishima onto a bus and now you were enjoying the fair. The food wasn’t bad, the rides and games were fun, and so far, everyone was content. Including Bakugou.

At the moment, the blonde looked very nice in the pre-sunset glow; shiny, orange-tinted sunglasses perched on his nose, orange t-shirt, and low-slung black sweatpants hugging his tiny waist. He trudged along next to Kirishima, who was happily devouring an elephant ear.

He looked really good in that shirt. It gave you a pleasant view of his meaty biceps.

If only you could tell him that.

You really liked the blonde… like… a lot.

He was just so effortlessly handsome, you knew you didn’t have a chance. Lucky for you, he was delicious eye-candy and you planned on enjoying every side-wise glance.

“M-Mina… Ferris wheels are boring! Do we have to?” You whined, hoping to avoid the scary ride.

“Yes!” She squealed, running toward the horned operator and handing him six tickets, “Kiri, you’re with me! Sero, sit with your boyfriend! Bakugou, you get to sit with Y/n! Ok? Ok! Let’s go!” Grabbing the red-head by the wrist, she tugged him into a bench swing seat, the operator secured the bar in front of them, and they ascended a few yards until it stopped to let Sero and Kaminari on.

When another empty bench came around, Bakugou huffily plopped down on the swing and waited for you to join him. You stood as still as a statue on the platform.

You hated heights.

You hated Ferris wheels.

You didn't want to embarrass yourself in front of your crush.

"Oi, stop standing there and sit down!"

A gruff voice roused you from your thoughts and you jumped slightly.

"Right." You whispered, gingerly sitting down on the smooth metal bench, "S-Sorry Bakugou."

So now you were sitting on a rickety metal bench with only a bar keeping you from falling to your doom and your crush less than 6 inches away. He seemed unaffected by the incredible height. The wind softly ruffled his locks while he slouched in his seat, chin resting in his hand as he looked out over the sunset colors painting the carnival grounds.

You, on the other hand, weren’t doing too well. You gripped the bar with two hands, breathing heavily and squeezing your eyes shut every time your carriage plummeted downward. You wiggled your toes uncomfortably, trying to appreciate the gorgeous sunset, but you just couldn't.

Bakugou noticed your obvious distress; your face was becoming paler every time you went a full 360 in the air. You were gasping for breath and holding the bar so tightly, your knuckles had gone white.

“What’s your problem idiot?” He barked, eyeing you suspiciously, “If you’re gonna hurl, do it over there.”

“Please… don’t even talk about vomit… or I just might.” You breathed, voice breathless and pitchy with fear. Your carriage went down once again and you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to ignore the drop of your stomach. “I’m sorry if… if I do. Please d-don’t watch me wh… when it happens…”

“You afraid of heights or something, nerd?”

You nodded frantically, a single tear sliding off your trembling chin and into your lap as your bench rocketed upward.

“Closing your eyes makes it worse dummy. Here- Look at me…” Before you could respond, Bakugou’s hands clasped your cheeks and gently turned your chin so you could look him in the eyes. Tears dribbled onto his warm palms as you met his vermillion gaze. All while silently begging your stomach not to regurgitate all three funnel cakes you had consumed.

“Don’t cry,” He continued, voice kinder and softer than you knew physically possible for the aggressive teenager. “It’s just a stupid ride and it’s almost over, just keep your eyes on me.”

Sniffing loudly, your lips continued to tremble as you looked into those deep, crimson irises. Every now and then, a wide thumb would brush over your cheek to wipe stray tears away and the quiet words of encouragement kept on coming until disaster struck.

Suddenly, at the highest point on the wheel, the ride came to an abrupt stop and the bench started swinging.

You were done for.

Jerking away from his grasp, you whimpered and quickly leaned over the edge and sent your lunch plummeting 264 feet. The sickening slap as it hit the dead grass at the base of the ride made you cringe. Finding purchase on the bar again, you faced forward and waited for a disgusted insult from your crush.

“Holy shit, are you ok?” He asked, knitting his eyebrows together with worry, “Come here dumbass.”

On impulse, Katsuki Bakugou pulled you into his arms so you could hide your face in his firm, caramel-smelling chest. He dabbed your lips with a napkin he's found in his pocket and the ride started up again, stopping every now and then to let people on and off. When it was finally your turn, Kaminari, Kirishima, Ashido, and Sero were standing on the platform waiting. All of them looked extremely worried- especially Mina.

Bakugou lifted you up bridal style and carried you away from the horrid ride, letting you down as soon as he'd led the Bakusquad off the platform. One hand was still secured on your lower back, holding you steady as you regained your bearings.

“Y/n… why didn’t you tell me you were afraid of heights?” Mina cried, rushing forward to give you a gentle hug.

“I… didn’t want t-to ruin your fun.” You whispered hoarsely, weakly returning the hug.

She let go and stood back, taking in what she has created. The aggressive blonde was quietly standing at your side and holding you. Mina quirked a smug eyebrow in your direction. Seeing her gesture, you blushed more deeply and murmured: “B-Bakugou, I’m f-fine now. Thank you for helping me… I really appreciate it.”

“I’m not letting go until you drink something. Come on. There’s a food cart over there.” Bakugou scoffed while leading you to the cart and bought you water. After taking little sips and sitting on a bench for a while, you insisted you were fine.

As promised, Bakugou’s warm and comforting arm left your body as soon as you were deemed ‘not 100% ok, but not dead either’ and the Bakusquad continued the exploration of the carnival.

On the bus ride home, you found yourself sitting next to Bakugou. Again.

Thanks Mina.

“Can’t get enough of me, can you?” He asked cockily, a self-satisfied smirk adorning his features.

Aka the reason you fell so hard for the blonde asshole.

“You… you could say that,” You responded, tilting your head cutely, “Or Mina is trying to set us up. Either works for me.”

He snorted, "The fuck do you mean by that?"

Blushing, you let your neck relax against the base of the headrest. It was now or never. "W-Well um... I like you, like more than as a friend. It's totally fine if you don't feel the same way, I just-"

"Don't even finish that sentence. Are you fucking serious right now?" He interrupted, sitting up and turning to look at you. You started, surprised by his outburst.

"I m-mean yeah, why wouldn't I be?" You stuttered, avoiding his ruby stare.

"You like me?"

"M-hm."

"Damn. I thought you had a thing for Kirishima."

You shook your head, lifting your (e/c) gaze to meet his flaming one. "I've always liked you, Bakugou."

"Katsuki. Call me Katsuki." He replied. "'S not every day the girl you like confesses to you... Cuz if I'm being honest, I like you too Y/n."

You bit your lip, trying not to look too happy. His cheeks were the cutest shade of pink when you asked, "S-So, what does this make us?"

"You wanna be my girlfriend?" He asked softly, jolting when he felt your soft hand grasp his calloused palm.

"I... I do." You murmured, holding back a huge, goofy smile. "I'd really like that Katsuki."

"Holy shit! Eiji, did you hear all that? DAYUM GIRL!! I'm so proud of you!!!!" Mina squealed, destroying the moment.

"I know I did!" Sero chuckled from the seat in front of you, Kaminari joining in on the laughter.

"Nice going Bakubro! Now you can shut up about how pretty she is and tell her to her face!" Kirishima cheered.

"Oh! Don't forget to tell her about what you said last Saturday! You know, about he-"

"SHUT UP, DAMMIT!" Katsuki interrupted with a dangerous snarl. You did NOT need to know what he'd let slip out while training with the boys.

He pouted and looked out the window, red dusting his pale cheeks as he glared at each and every street light that flashed past. You smiled. Despite the argument, he hadn't let go of your hand.

Squeezing it comfortingly, you settled down in your seat and prepared for the rest of the drive home.

[kweebtrash]

Hey, not necessarily a sex question. But as someone who loves reading fanfic and appreciates fanfic writers, I still can't bring myself to write it. How did you get into writing fanfic, and was it ever weird for you? Do you have any advice on how to feel less weird about it? Especially smut about real people? (To be fair I can't bring myself to write smut in general idk why)

I started writing naruto and yu yu hakusho fanfiction when i was ten and it was just a regular oc and the character i liked. It wasnt good at all but i thought it was the greatest. When i met my sister (non biological) in middle school we decided to come up with our own "anime story". We would write it in notebooks and pass it to each other during class and get in trouble for it. So i guess that was the first time ive written an "original" story. By the time i was 12 i knew what sex was (mostly) and i knew teenagers did it (my characters were teenagers) so i was like oh if they like each other then they should do it. But because i was 12 i was like THATS ICKY TO WRITE ABOUT (in detail) so i made them get in bed and then skipped ahead and wrote THE NEXT DAY 😂😂😂

Then when i got access to a laptop and internet thats when i round "real" fanfiction online and smut back when it was called "lemon/lime/citrus" whatever the fuck that means. I still remember my first one was about neji hyuga LMAO.

I started reading more fanfiction throughout my teenager years and kept writing for anime, wrote bandfiction, created a bunch of OCs to rp with my partner at the time and i think by the time i actually started having sex that i was like ok this isnt so weird to write about anymore. So when we would rp we would just text each other sex scenes and i guess it became normalized because we were doing it irl so writing about it was just like hey! We sorta know what were doing! Oh i also used to watch a lot of porn as a teen? Idk why. That stopped after like a year or so but i found out shit through that, like bdsm, squirting, how utterly gross blowjobs are, what a hitachi wand was, how much i hate spit, etc. So that actually helped me discover like my beginning kinks. Porn is still terrible tho.

I think the first time i wrote smut was with a wrestling fanfic? And i had been reading a bunch of fics that had smut and with my basic knowledge and slowly finding out what phrases i liked in order to describe things it flowed a little more naturally but it was still hard.

Then i think i didnt really write much until i wrote my pentagon story which i think is terrible but other people like it. I guess with my practicing, experience, and sex education it started becoming easier? You can tell in my pentagon story that i was still getting back into the swing of things bc my sex scenes are atrocious and ridiculous 😅

I never really liked reading series myself bc i didnt want just prose and build up. I wanted smut. I was like THATS WHAT I CAME HERE FOR. So i made it a point to write smut in every single chapter so that way people stayed interested. In doing so it also helped me practice and get better. Then i read A LOT of bad kpop fics and was like....why dont these people know that sex isnt like porn??

There is a lot of copying in kpop fics in the sense that a lot of them are written the same way and we get the usual; some u realistic giant dick, "ministrations, pussy, cunt", kitten every other word, thigh riding, everyone confusing abuse with bdsm, "daddy" popping up left and right without going in depth to what meaning that holds, random weird shit. And i realized WOW I REALLY HATE KPOP FANFICS lol. So when i started writing messy i was like OK FUCK THIS IM GONNA WRITE SEX LIKE HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO GO. Then i starting writing smut where the condom broke, they talked about birth control, having a mental breakdown during sex, sexual assault, accidentally wacking each other while moving around, giggling, talking, explaining what you want. This i think helped me a lot, especially with my mental trauma that was associated with sex. I wanted to make it fun and real while also possibly teaching my readers about sex and maybe influencing other fic writers to not just regurgitate what they read.

As far as advice, im not quite sure if i have any?? Maybe i do lol. Take it with a grain of salt maybe?

With writing i would suggest

Read fics you like and highlight key phrases or actions you think are sexually appealing

Practice writing shorter scenes, you can even do time stamps or drabbles, things like that-people love those on here

Look into things. Honestly i knew what a cock ring was but someone requested i USE it in a fic and i was like shit guess i gotta google how to use a cock ring and while awkwardly watching videos of guys putting these things on i learned about metal ones, cages, silicone, rubber, rings, how long you should keep it on for, etc. So RESEARCH! is key too

If youve never had sex before that also helps if you research. Porn can give you a little bit of knowledge in generic motions or toys to use but by no means is it great as far as realism and sometimes its just plain icky.

So porn can be a basis, research can be a middle layer, reading other fics and seeing what you like and dont like is on top, and writing ur own is like...idk frosting lol.

As far as being weird with real people; since i wrote bandfiction and wrestling fics i was used to writing about real people for a little under ten years or so. Also i have a really active mind at night and i have tons of sex dreams that fit into like a story based setting. Thats where all my ideas for prose, dialogue and smut come from. Not everyone ofc has a brain like that but writing down things here and there might work. Lets say you have a favorite idol moment-like some really slutty dance move during a performance, you could time stamp that for inspiration. Save a lot of gifs and pics of them looking *chefs kiss*, listen to some music (i like alina baraz, sabrina claudio, galant, alex tbh, and jooyong for softer, gentler scenes or if you wanna get freak nastie listen to some dumbass jae park, or pretty ricky, or any sex related song thats not pretty lmao. Like rude boy by rihanna or something with a hard beat).

I think its also good to try and picture yourself in a sexual situation. You dont have to look like you, you could make up however you want to look in the scenario, its fantasy after all. Also think "would i like this?" Like i wont write about some idol spitting in my mouth or slapping me or peeing on me or something because thats not stuff that im into and i would be forcing myself to appease someone else and the writing woukd end up sucking big time. This also doesnt help the lack of good fics bc people are just following the requests they get even if they dont like it. I would write about what i think id feel in the moment. Id probably be nervous or if im pretending i could be a cool badass, i would think about things that i find attractive like his (imma use his bc i do write mostly about boy idols) face in the shadows of the light, how nice or soft his lips look, they way hes conveying emotions and looking at me if we were in love or if we were angry, the hold he has on me, why would it be going slow? Is it sad makeup sex? Is it a first time together? Is it just comforting after a bad day? Why would they be rough? Are they angry? Had a fight? Had a slow burn relationship and its culminated into a big explosion? Did they hate each other but hide their true feelings?

So i would suggest not just thinking about sex but thinking about the moment and all the things that lead up to, happen during, and the aftermath of it.

And of course if you don't understand anything or need more info about sex you can always ask me!

I hope this help and sorry its long😅😅😅😅

[taramaclaywasaterf]

It’s obvious you’ve been raped by a man by the embarrassing langue and tone you type with. Get a therapist instead of this pathetic ass excuse for a blog. Obviously I don’t have to remind you that your points hold no weight anywhere else in life but oh rumble but that’s why you’re on the internet 😊You’re embarrassing 😂

I delete like 99% of the anon hate I get but omfg this is too good not to publicly mock

I love when these idiots call people embarrassing and pathetic, but are such cowards that they hide behind the anon button. Like, you really wanna talk about ‘pathetic’??? lmao you’re throwing some goddamn boulders from that glass house of yours, anon. I ain’t the one sending salty ass anons mocking women on the internet for being raped

You sound like a preschooler who picked up his mommy’s book on psychoanalysis and is just desperately regurgitating the first page without knowing what anything means. But hey, maybe you’ll know what this word means: projection. Which is exactly what you did here. Just because you’re on the internet because no one in the outside world gives a shit about your dumbass opinions, doesn’t mean the rest of us are too.

I-like the vast majority of radfems- am just here for fun and to connect with other radfems. But I actually go out and do real world activism too. What a concept! Ya know, actual activism, which doesn’t include sitting in cum stained boxer shorts and sending anonymous hate messages on tumblr??

Also, I just gotta say, literally the only reason I didn’t just delete this ask is because I physically needed to do this:

✨Oh rumble✨

[blackwoolncrown]

I can’t stand like, professional academia bc there are SO many basic things this society doesn’t believe bc it hasn’t seen and they haven’t seen bc no one will look at anything through any lens except that which they’ve been trained to use. Shools of investigation that think they run independently of each other or that their way of looking at the problem is the only way bc they’ve forgotten that with specificity comes a narrower and narrower frame of reference.. it irritates the shit out of me. The amount of times I’ve read some late-breakthrough in some field of study that by any other logic (esp outside of a materialist colonizer worldview) should have already been an easy point of investigation only JUST then got investigated and late at that bc someone realized AHA! What If Othere Sciences Myte Also Have Valuable Teachinges it’s SO frustrating.

I have talked to geneticists and economists and anthropologists and all of them are absolute dumbasses in any field but their own and truly are really only good at regurgitating what they’ve been taught and not pursuing new lines of information.

Don’t get me started on the absolute clowns that think of science as inherently opposed to philosophy, spirituality or religion lmao read a book u shits all the great minds of those fields were inspired by, quite often two of the three if not all.

[bonnie-and-cloud]

How not to be a dumbass by Vann

Or how to correct your absolute fuck up in the event you are a dumbass and clog your bathtub drain like a goober

I'm on mobile so no read more I'm sorry

So a little back story so maybe you can avoid being a shit for brains neanderthal like me. I was cleaning bun cages and every now and then they need to soak because buns. Any bun owner knows why. They get gross. Especially ours because they're territorial so there is literally 0 point to a tiny litterbox in their cages. We're working on getting them fixed but that's another story. So I'd soaked this cage and dumped the water full of sawdust, hay, etc without thinking

See, we do cages and litter boxes as follows: puppy pee pad(s), newspaper, wood shavings because they love to chew on them, then hay. This keeps them relatively clean but we haven't been able to find newspaper recently or had the money for pee pads. So you do what you can, thus the sawdust. This leaves for especially gross cages for obvious reasons. We had to invest in a kitty litter scoop awhile back

Point being, find a big like storage bin (usually cheap and can be used for all kinds of things) and empty whatever you can carry into there. Then dump it in your yard. If you're an apartment dweller/without a yard, you're just going to have to perish I guess. If you're a homeowner, just wash these outside to spare the trouble. We're apartment dwellers with a small yard but no house and idk if there's hook up frankly

THAT SAID, let's say you were a buffoon and clogged your drain like I did, go to your local hardware store ie Menards, Home Depot, Lowe's, etc and look for SULFURIC ACID. Your regular drain-o won't do shit because it's bleach. And while bleach will eat through like wads of hair (most clogs) you're screwed for bigger things especially organic materials like sawdust, bun poop, and hay. You DO NOT WANT LYE as the lye will react to the organic material and expand and then you've got a bigger mess and need to shell out money for a professional to fix your mess

These WILL NOT be in the cleaning section by the way. Don't even look there and skip it altogether. Instead, look by sink fixtures and if you can't find it, ask someone where the lye products are because these heavy duty items are shelved together. Triple check every bottle you pick up because out of like 15 or so products, one was acid

You'll want goggles that secure to your head like from high school chemistry NOT glasses as those can slip off. You need to protect your eyes from fumes and splash back since this shit eats through bone. You're going to want at LEAST a dust mask but I'd recommend a fumes mask. This is because sulfuric acid is fucking strong as hell and you do not wanna inhale that shit. And while a dust mask is cheap and works, you're going to want to be able to breathe thus why I suggested the fumes mask. It also helps protect your face from splash back. Then you're going to want rubber gloves like the thick yellow kind you see on TV. Not thin latex cause it'll eat through that shit so fast if you get any acid on them anywhere. Shell out a little extra because I promise you WILL get acid on your hands and you DO NOT want to do that shit more than once or to suffer from an actual spill instead of a drop like I did

I'd also recommend clothing protection but MINIMUM this is what you want. Also get like a little bucket for like a dollar to put upside down over the drain just in case your drain decides to regurgitate and there's acid in that nastiness. I don't know why that's important but the instructions said so. Designate this bucket as The Acid Bucket just in case

Now, when you've busted past the plastic containing the sulfuric acid and popped open the top, you'll notice a metal covering. This is not nearly as thin as it looks. I was thinking yogurt top and grabbed a leftover screw from work my husband didn't need to poke it. Long story short. I got acid on my hand and it hurt like a bitch. Thank god it was just a drop honestly. So I stuck my hand under the coldest water I could stand for 15 minutes because you DO NOT want that shit anywhere near your eyes no matter how small. It's like if onions had literal knives instead of just making you cry

Oh and the part of the screw that touched acid? Fucking melted the latex paint and the screw threading down to a part of the metal that was white, entirely eating off the tip. And that wasn't even a quarter inch submerged in acid or for very long. So get like a utility knife. My husband grabbed his from work he uses to open chemicals. Frankly, if I had a redo, I'd get disposable rubber gloves so I had protection but also movement unlike the thick PVC coated rubber ones I had on hand. The cold water was more painful than the acid frankly and I haven't warmed back up over 12 hours later

DO NOT USE HOT WATER IF YOU HAVE TO RINSE SULFURIC ACID OFF ANYTHING. YOU WILL ABSOLUTELY HAVE A HORRIFYING REACTION YOU DO NOT WANT. USE THE COLDEST WATER POSSIBLE TO AVOID THIS REACTION

All of that said, you'll want to remove your drain before you start because this shit WILL om nom nom through that chrome worse than the cookie monster on a binge. Like our chrome is black now. You'll have to look up on YouTube to find out how yours unscrews. Ours needs a specific wrench and screwdriver we don't own so I said well since I've already fucked up what's another? Well that's the price. Fucked up chrome

Flip the vent on so fumes don't build up. If you've ever been to a place with sulfur water like camping in Yellowstone, it's that smell but like x10. It is beyond strong and you'll want some ventilation. Make sure no bunnies, human children, or the otherwise vulnerable can access the bathroom while you're doing this or for 15 minutes after each pour for the acid to feast (we only needed one) and another 15 once your drain is clear to run the shower at icy for 15 minutes to wash anything left down the drain. Don't want acid burns when you shower and you do not want to put others on danger

So you have the vent on and the drain open. Suit up minus your gloves so you can free the sulfuric acid of its top hat. Immediately din your gloves. Pour sir eats everything down your drain. There should be a chart on the label to tell you how much you need. You might need more if it's a particularly awful clog but I doubt you'll need less. Flip your bucket over top of the drain, cap your bottle, and hit start on your clock's stopwatch feature. Be sure when you pour not to have your face directly over the drain just in case. Mask is also great because holding your breath sucks a lot

After 15 minutes, turn on the faucet to check how well your tub drains. Remember the cold water. If it's not going, do another round of acid though I doubt you'd need a repeat. If things are all good, rinse out the tub as best you can if there's backup or buildup like ours had. Then turn on the shower and aim the spray directly over the drain if the drain isn't directly below the faucet. Let that go for 15 minutes to ensure all the acid is down the drain. Leave the vent on until the smell goes away just in case

So that's how you fix a colossal fuckup because Google only said "acid cleaner" and I had to piece everything else together on my own. A lot of this information is on the label, but I would've liked to have known beforehand too just what I was dealing with. I feel like I would've avoided getting acid on my hand and I would've made triple sure I had a mask on hand. I couldn't find the dust mask so I skipped it which just made things harder for me. I mean I knew it was Serious Shit but until I felt it, I hadn't had a clue. My husband had to tell me some things because he works with dangerous materials as a roofer. I also would've liked to have known about the drain mechanism itself because I would've preferred to open that sucker up

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk and please reblog this around for anybody who might need it. I'd like if other people didn't go in without Knowing unlike me because while nothing awful happened, it could have

[reasonandempathy]

Wow, that sounds really crazy. I can't believe I just spontaneously said "wanting to pick your children's school is insane/nazi, and nazis are bad guys for controlling school."

I must really be off my rocker to respond to "parents should have the freedom to choose their own kid's schooling" with some crazy shit like that.

Wait, what was I replying to?

Oh, right.

A right winger saying that the public school system is a left-wing indoctrination scheme, in the broader context of the movement now centering right-wing idiots spouting "Gay teachers are dangerous to your kids and are definitely grooming them". In a country where children don't even have to go to public schools. They just have to go to a school.

So yeah.

"Leftists are indoctrinating your kids through the education system, so we need to break the school system to make sure kids are getting the Right Education." is literally regurgitating nazi anti-intellectual talking points that they used to justify firing any and every teacher who didn't adhere to their sense of political correctness. "

Funny, I could have sworn I said something like this.

Keep in mind other people, because ric can't keep a thought in his head for more than a moment: absolutely nowhere in the post did I ever say "private education is bad and those schools shouldn't exist." It was a literal translation of what the original poster said, and pointing out it's 1:1 copy-pasted nazi propaganda.

Edit:

Holy fuck. I missed you saying that "school choice" is the "next leftist battle."

The original post is right there. You can literally see ancap dumbass calling for it to be the next right-wing battlecry. It's already the right-wing battle cry ffs.

You: "the nazis controlled education!" Also you: "that's why school choice is bad! We need the state to control and regulate education!" Actively negative IQ points.

Holy shit, your reading comprehension actually got worse. As has your memory, because there was clearly no bridging context in what I said.

Then again, I don’t believe you’re actually being honest with what you’re saying, so maybe it hasn’t gotten worse.

[xxleondraxx]

I’m incredibly bored and could use some positive feedback so here’s a Fallout: New Vegas fic chapter I did.

Chapter 1

   Tesla got up with the alarm from her Pip-Boy. The whole time she’d been in Novac, she’d spoken to nearly everybody, gathering as much information as she could about the man in the checkered suit that had shot her in the head a couple weeks ago.

   Manny Vargas had turned out to be the jackpot when it came to knowledge on the guy. He told her his name was Benny, and the people he was with were the Khans, members of the gang he once ran with before joining the NCR.

    She stood and dressed in her reinforced leather armor and gingerly tied her bandana around her head to hide, or at least somewhat cover, the wounds on her from the gunshot that should ave ended her life. The wounds had closed well and no longer bled, but they were still tender, red and inflamed. Under the gauze they certainly didn’t look too pretty. She wasn’t exactly self-conscious, but she also didn’t like having people stare at the large, white pads of gauze when she was trying to talk to them.

   She strapped her rifle, pistol and shotgun into place and habitually packed as many bullets into her pockets as could fit before stepping out of the hotel room, only to let out a groan moments later. Every time she left the room the first thing she saw was the ass-end of Dinky the Dumbass Dinobitch, as she’d started calling it.

   The town itself wasn’t bad. The people were nice and it had a hell of a lot of traders running through, most with different guns and armor she loved to barter for.

   But that stupid ass dinosaur.

   Were she a bigger bitch than she was, she’d burn the stupid thing to the ground.

   Even so, she had to admit it was a half decent sniper’s nest, even if one could only see about 180 degrees from it unless sitting outside on top of its head.

   Regardless, the dinosaur was where she needed to go. It was 10 at night, and Manny, the daytime sniper and all around great guy, had told her a few days ago that there was a sniper that took over around 9 pm when he left the perch in the dinosaur’s mouth. He’d said the man’s name was Craig Boone, or just Boone, and he was thus far the only person she’d yet to talk to.

   Wanting to make sure she could get together every last scrap of evidence on Benny that she could, she’d resolved to go talk to the man when she had the time. She’d exhausted the needs of the townsfolk for help, and had taken a day to herself, so now was the time.

   Plus Manny had mentioned that Boone, like himself, was an ex-NCR sniper, and that Manny had been his spotter back when they were enlisted. Though he also mentioned that he and Boone weren’t exactly on speaking terms anymore since Manny had apparently highly disliked Boone’s wife. And apparently things had gotten worse since his wife, Carla, had mysteriously disappeared.

   Tesla still couldn’t help but wonder if she’d somehow been involved with the NCR before being a courier. The things she could do just didn’t seem… average. Any time she ran across NCR soldiers of status or rangers, she asked if any of them recognized her. If they knew her. She’d done the same with Manny, but Manny was certain that he didn’t know her. And since he’d been Boone’s spotter, it was unlikely that Boone knew her either. Still, she had to ask.

   Tesla decided to forgo the stairs. Instead she hopped over the railing, landed crouched on the railing of the stairs below her then jumped off and landed on the ground. After about a week of being conscious and in a stint of boredom, she found she had amazing balance for things like this. She’d decided to do it whenever she could, hoping that it might jog more memories, or at least muscle memories, left over from before she’d been shot.

   Readjusting her hunting rifle, Tesla made her way to the stairs leading up, quite literally, into the ass of the dinosaur. “Hey, Cliff,” she greeted when she saw the older man standing behind the counter. Why the hell he was still tending the souvenir shop in the wooden dinosaur’s lower intestines at 10pm, she had no idea. Most people liked to sleep, but apparently not Cliff.

   “Welcome back. Can I get you anything?” he asked.

   “Actually I’m looking for the night sniper. Boone?”

   “Uh, yeah. He’s up there already. Though I should warn you, he’s not exactly friendly,” Cliff said, a strange, uncomfortable note in his voice.

   Tesla shrugged. “He’s the only one in Novac I haven’t spoken to yet. Can’t just leave without making an attempt. He might know something important.”

   “Well then I wish you good luck. A lot of good luck. And patience.”

   Tesla waved at Cliff before ascending the stairs and walking through the door into the sniper’s nest. She saw a man in a white-ish shirt, brown pants and a red beret. Manny wore a similar beret, but staring at this man, she realized she’d seen him before in passing when she was in the motel courtyard at night. She took a step closer, the man seeming completely oblivious to her presence.

   “Are you Craig Boone?”

   The man spun around, startled. “Goddamn it! Don’t sneak up on me like that.” he snapped at her, his tone short and venomous.

   She raised an eyebrow at his tone. “Sneak up on you? I walked through a door four feet from your backside. I wouldn’t exactly call that sneaking,” she said, pointing to the door with her thumb. “Still, I’ll take that as a yes.”

   The man gave her an impressive scowl. “What do you want?”

   “What? Expecting company?” she asked, the slightest teasing tone in her voice. Most people probably wouldn’t poke at a guy that didn’t seemed thrilled at their presence and who was also packing a rather large rifle, but she was by no means not armed herself.

   Plus, if he did something stupid, she could always kick him out of the dinosaur. Boone was a pretty big, muscular guy, but she knew how to knock an enemy off balance, no matter their size.

   “Yeah. I guess maybe I am. But not like you,” he said, his tone quick and evasive. The man paused as he looked at her. “Huh. Maybe it should’ve been you I was expecting all along,” he then said, his tone going from angry to thoughtful, as though his mind was half elsewhere. “Why are you here?” he asked, his tone short once again.

   “Easy, tiger. Look, if you’re looking for someone in particular, I could tip you off if I see them.”

   “Yeah, well if you see anyone wearing Legion crimson or a lot of sports equipment, you just let me know,” he half growled. From the tone of his voice, this man clearly had a beef with the Legion.

   Tesla snorted. “If I don’t paint the rocks with their inner crimson first, I’ll be sure to point you their way,” she replied intensely. Ever since she’d woken up she’d felt like she had some issue with the Legion, though didn’t know what. Then again, what she saw in Nipton had given her plenty of reason to shoot on sight. She didn’t care how muddied in debauchery a city was, no one deserved what Nipton had received. Not even the Legion.

   “You still haven’t answered my question,” he said.

   “If you must know, I’m meeting new people. And since I’ve met everyone in Novac save for you, you’re the only new people left. Plus, the view from inside the dinosaur’s mouth is much nicer than seeing the stupid thing from the outside.”

   His raised his head a bit, as though looking at her down his nose. “I think you’d better leave,” he said, his tone a clear warning.

   “Calm down, Hostile Magoo,” she said, her hands raised in front of her. “Just making friendly conversation.”

   “I don’t have friends here,” he said, a hint of sad resignation in his voice.

   “Well, technically, I’m not from here,” Tesla replied with a wry smile, shrugging her shoulders.

   “No. No you’re not, are you?” He paused for a moment, clearly contemplative as he stared at her through his tinted glasses. The tilted his head the slightest bit to the side. “Maybe you shouldn’t go. Not just yet.”

   Her eyes drifted to the rifle in his hands. “Gonna try and kill me now, big guy?” she asked, though she smiled when she did so.

   “Not unless you give me a reason,” he replied back.

   “Ah. Good. Because I’d advise against it. Someone already tried that a couple weeks back. Didn’t work well. And he had the advantage of having me tied up in an open space. That rifle you have there would be pretty cumbersome in a small space like this unless you have a pistol hidden in your pants.”

   He scowled anew at her mocking tone.

   “Well if you don’t want to shoot me and throw me out of Dinky like a regurgitated meat chunk, then I assume you need something. Seems like most people in this town do, and I’ve helped them all so far. Wouldn’t mind helping someone with such impeccable taste in berets as you.” She crossed her arms across her chest, crossed one leg over the other and leaned her shoulder back against the wall. “So what d’you need?”

   Boone paused and stared at this strange woman. She seemed so easygoing. And he knew that she had been helping the people of Novac. He’d heard of her arrival a week or so ago, and ever since she’d been helping. She killed a nightkin master that’d been killing the McBride’s Brahmin, checked on Ranger Station Charlie for Ranger Andy, and even cleared out the REPCON building of ghouls and nightkin, all without being killed in the process. She’d also rented a room and had been trading with Cliff and the merchants that came through. Even drumming up business for the local doctor.

   This woman had breezed in out of who-knows-where and seemed to fix every problem she had found in her short stay here.

   Maybe, just maybe… he could trust her with his problem….

   “I need someone I can trust,” Boone finally said, making up his mind. Though he remained tense, he eased a little bit. “You’re a stranger. That’s a start.”

   “Ok. So solitary night-time sniper man who shoots unsavories on sight only trusts strangers, then?” she asked, amusement in her tone.

   “I said it was a start,” he replied in that short tone of his. “This town… nobody looks me straight in the eye anymore.”

   “Well judging by your demeanor they probably think even a sideways glance will land a bullet in their cranium,” Tesla replied. “Still, I think someone once said familiarity breeds contempt. So what do you want me to do?”

   “I want you to find something out for me,” Boone replied, fire entering his voice. “I don’t know if there’s anything to find, but I need someone to try.”

   Tesla’s smile faded. His tone was… dark. Vengeful. Angry. “What needs to be found?” she asked.

   “My wife was taken from our home by Legion slavers one night while I was on watch. They knew when to come, and what route to take, and they only took Carla. Someone set it up. I don’t know who.”

   Tesla started to gnaw unconsciously on the inside of her cheek when she heard that. No wonder the guy was so hostile. If he didn’t have a good reason to be, then nobody did.

   To have his wife taken from him while he stood watch over the city, trying to keep those very people out. And suspecting that someone in the very place he protected had set her up….

   If it were her in his shoes, she’d want blood. Rivers of it.

   “Are you trying to track her down?” Tesla asked. “Any excuse to hunt down and kill some of those cactus humping ba….”

   “My wife is dead,” he said curtly. “I want the son of a bitch who sold her.”

   She stopped short. There was no sadness in his voice. Just the quick reply of someone who wanted to drop the subject immediately. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again. For a moment she thought better of asking, but she had to. “How do you know your wife is dead?”

   Boone let out a slight sigh, his grip on the hunting rifle in his hands tightening. “I know, alright? That’s all you need to know.”

   Ok. Consider the subject dropped. “Alright. Say I find the person responsible for her sale. What do you want me to do to them? Or, rather, what do want me to do? I assume you’re the one that wants to ‘send them along their merry way’,” she replied, malice in her voice.

   “Bring him out in front of the nest here while I’m on duty. I work nights.”

   Him? Tesla thought to herself.

   He shifted his rifle into one hand and took the beret off his cleanly shaven head. “Here’s my NCR beret. It’ll be our signal, so I know you’re standing with him.” His tone dropped to a seething note. “And I’ll take care of the rest. I need to do this myself.”

   Again, ‘him’. Sounds like Boone has his suspicions on who done it. Tesla took the beret from his outstretched hand and looked down at it, running her thumb contemplatively over the fabric. “Alright, Boone. I’ll see what I can do to help.”

   “Good. I’ll make it worth your while,” he said, his tone picking up.

   “No. Gratis. This one’s on me,” Tesla replied, holding a finger up at him.

   More than he was surprised with her reply, Boone was surprised with the look in her eyes. Her blue eyes burned with fire, as though she herself had been the one who had been wronged. She looked like she wanted the blood he had craved since the disappearance of his wife.

   “Then there’s one more thing,” he added, watching as she tucked the beret into the chest of her armor to keep it concealed from view. “We shouldn’t speak again. Not until this is over. No one in town knows that I know what happened to my wife. Best they never know. Or the Legion will be after me next.”

   “Not a problem,” Tesla replied once she finished stuffing the beret into her armor. She looked down at her Pip-Boy. The two of them had been talking for a bit. It was now around 10:30. “Most people will be asleep right now and I think barging into their homes and hotel rooms in the ass crack of night to ask them about your wife might seem… oh, what’s the word I’m looking for… pretty damn suspicious.”

   “That’s three words.”

   “He can count. Lovely. At any rate, I’ll start first thing in the morning. Besides, I still have to go scope out HELIOS One. Word is NCR is having some issues with the plant and I’m putting it upon myself to see if they need a hand.”

   Boone furrowed his brow at that. “You’re helping NCR?”

   “Been helping NCR,” Tesla corrected. “Stopped at Mojave Outpost a bit before I got here and helped out there too, but that’s a story for another day.” She turned to leave, but stopped with her hand on the door handle. She looked back at him. “By the way, you sound like you have a sneaking suspicion on who’s behind what happened to your wife.”

   Even through the tinted lenses of his glasses she could see the fire that flared in his eyes. “Yeah, but it’s not important. Not unless you find out it’s who I think it is.”

   I think you think Manny did it, Tesla thought, this time managing to hold her tongue. She inclined her head to Boone. “’Til next we meet,” she said.

   “Yeah,” he replied.

   This time, his tone had taken a noticeable drop into the depressed, and he turned his back on her to look out through the mouth of Dinky before she even left. Tesla hesitated for just a moment. Something about this man made her want to gently rub his back and tell him things would be fine. But she resisted the urge. He didn’t seem like the type for physical contact. From anyone.

   Tesla opened the door to leave, but paused. She turned back to him.

   “One more thing,” she said.

   Boone half turned to look at her.

   “Do you… recognize me at all?” Tesla asked uncertainly, her brow furrowed. “Not from around Novac, but from somewhere else.”

   Boone tilted his head a bit at the odd question. Usually people said, “Do I know you from somewhere’, not ‘do you know me from somewhere’. And she had this strange tone in her voice that he couldn’t place. “No,” he replied curtly. “Should I?”

   He watched her turn her eyes down at his reply, as if disappointed by it. “’Suppose not. See you later,” she said.

   Boone turned back around and waited until he heard the door close behind him before he let out a long sigh. He’d never told his suspicious about his wife being set up to anybody. He’d kept them bottled up inside, not knowing who to trust with the information. If he told someone, and that someone happened to be linked to his wife’s abduction, chances were good he’d never get his revenge.

   It was only after she was gone that he realized he hadn’t even asked the woman’s name.

Could super use some positive vibes right now. Reblogs with stuff written either in the reblog or in the tags about what you thought about this would be great. Send asks if you want. All reblogs appreciated. Lemme know if you like it. I have like 100 unpolished pages written for this fic so I could post more.

[grumpycakes]

Tried to read a fic again recently

so as always here’s a peve of mine (cause I overanalize tho I already knew this one)

Flash back paragraphs WITHOUT a point. Or just to angst??? With no action to them. Like,

He stared out remembering last fall when it all came crashing down. How many times had he thought he could just get through if she came with him. How ironic now that he got through it without her. Had to. She’d disappeared days after this all started. After it all went south. He knew he hadn’t been the most ideal partner for getting through what was coming. Not much of a fighter then. The world enjoyed constantly reminding him of that back then. She’d known better. Knew she needed to get out and find a better group to survive with. He’d just hoped she’d found a strong enough bunch to stay alive.

And now, here they were. Back in the same place the same spot. How many times had he dreamed of this. Of being with her again after all this time. How the him of last year would have given anything to have her back.

“Hey” she said as she slipped into the room

“Hey” he glanced in her direction, turning from the window

She’d always been so smart. Ruthless at times, but he admired her gumption. She’d always proven she could hold her own. More than that, she proved she could survive this. Hadn’t that been what they were looking for when the organization had come recruiting. He’d been a disappointment. He’d always assumed she’d been found by them and taken in. Or more likely had figured out a way to find them.

He didn’t fault her though. She did what she had to. They all had. Killing didn’t come easy but then neither had any of it. He didn’t like himself much anymore. And wasn’t that the saddest part. That now he was strong enough, sufficient enough, to be useful to her, he hated himself.

Well, he’d always been unlucky and stupid.

“The gang was going to go and grab dinner...” Her hands fidgeted on the doorframe, she kept her eyes down on the carpet. “Just- wanted to let you know. If you wanted to come.”

“sure”

This much angsty internal monologue is POINTLESS to me!!!!! Granted it’s setting a tone but I’m reading for the story you’re telling me NOW. This is cool girl and stronger than he knows guy get together when they accidentally end up living together with their friends after a disaster not LET’S REHASH THE EVENTS OF THE BOOKS/MOVIE/SHOW AND TELL US HOW SAD SACK FEELS ABOUT IT. This is cool girl and strong sad boy make a connection and fall in love. Not constantly inner monologue I HATE ME I HATE ME I HATE ME.

It’s exhausting and BORING. The one I read recently was so bogged down with this that you couldn’t get through ONE CONVERSATION without three different sets of OH WOE IS ME, THE PAAASTTT, I DON’T TRUST THISSSS. It rips me out of the scene and makes me feel like I’m reading some dumbass text book on the cliffnotes of WHAT THIS CHARACTER WENT THROUGH.

It think it also turns me off because until very recently it’s a lot of the self hatred thought patterns I used to have? I’m shitty enough to myself and I over empathize with characters. So this shit just puts me in a funk and makes me feel bad.

And AGAIN this isn’t INHERENTLY wrong to do. (IDFK what is actually I DON’T GRAMMAR AND WRITE GOOD) I think it can be very important in critical parts of your story. To give us insight into a situation that they went through. Or to explain what so’n’so is reacting to. BUt when E V E R Y  single movement, action, sentence is bookended by LET ME AGNST OVER HERE ABOUT THIS. LET ME OVER THINK ABOUT HOW THE WORLD IS SO STRANGE AND WRONG. I’m out.

It didn’t help that the fic I read WASN’T EVEN GETTING TO THE POINT. Like I was drawn in by cute family ideas and was given instead a sad sack who shit talked himself and the dude he was supposed to like??? ANd like the way they wrote his inner brain workings I’m over here ilke AND WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM?? DO YOU EVEN LIKE HIM AT ALL??? This one is probably more on the source material BUT They also had him be like Me, the love interest, and our friend X are always the ones left standing. The only ones who can fight through it. 

I think a better solution to this is betraying how they feel in how the move in the scene or respond to the characters. Or just, he felt inadequate. But If most of your story is just regurgitating what someone WENT THROUGH idk if you shouldn’t just be writing that??? Like re-write what happened to give a window into X’s brain if you wanna. But don’t shove that in my face when I came here for accidental families and buttfaces falling in love????!?!

This has been MEL TRIES TO READ FICS AND HAS AN AMATEURS OPINION

[lowresolutioncryptid]

"cultures with third genders have stricter gender roles" BECAUSE of the effect of colonialism and white supremacy in those areas!!

"implying that non-white people from various cultures didn't know the difference between male and female" dumbass you just said all that right now, Not me! Dont put words in my mouth or I'll actually give you some shit to talk about! If Im giving you history of how eurocentric puritanical gender roles had a deadly effect on cultures with other sex and gender expressions, and all you hear is "dumb non whites" YOU are being racist and denying the brutal history of the terms you're using.

You literally tried to oversimplify thousands of years of trans history by generalizing historical gender variant people as just "homosexuals"... You are literally delusional and regurgitating the same eurocentric explanations for gender variance that colonizers used to violently force binary gender roles on other cultures.

You have made so many assumptions about what I believe that I'm starting to think that you're projecting. Of course biosex exists u twat that's just stating the obvious, the point is that it just doesn't exist as a strict binary. You are explaining your own mental gymnastics of how other historic &observable sex and gender expressions are "actually just fe/male" literally ignoring a complex reality in favor of your narrow intellectual comfort zone. Grow tf up and use this energy you spend hating on people you don't know and actually do something important with it.

It seems like the proud lesbians/queer/bi women who proudly spout transphobic terf rhetoric are painfully dismissive or at least unaware of the fact that without the work and struggle of BLACK TRANS WOMEN that you yourselves as a gay people in america would still be labeled as mentally ill &thrown into institutions en masse, receive electroshock therapy and be forced into straight marriages etc. Do you realize that or did you not pay attention to the history of your community?

[swampgallows]

really feel like im gonna struggle to ever integrate into society. i struggle to chill w people my own age because a lot of them have careers n shit (i think... i guess? i dont really know actually lmao cause i dont talk to em) or theyre dating people and i cant really tell people what im up to because theyre condescending about it. “oh youre still into the rave thing huh?” yeah i’m “still into” it, sorry. you got two kids and a husband and youre living w your parents still too, that’s not a life i envy. id rather keep my ‘childish’ interests, thanks.

and i dont drink or do drugs so a lot of Adult Outings make me uncomfortable or are not right for me. and any time i want to find sober anything it becomes religious or recovery related, or it is considered exclusively for children. i have no problem being in the vicinity of alcohol but i dont want to hang w people while they’re using controlling substances because it sucks for everybody involved: they cant enjoy themselves because they feel self-conscious around me being the sober one, and then i feel bad for making them self-conscious but am also uncomfortable with them using substances around me. and of course i mean substances for the purpose of getting fucked up, not as medication. except in the case of weed which is a huge monumentally major trigger for me (whether i mentally prepare myself to be around it or not).

raves are the perfect blend for me. people who wanna get fucked up can, people who dont want to dont have to, and everybody is there to have a good time in their own way. they wear what they want, they dance how they want, and they generally dont infringe on anybody else’s good time with weird stuff like sexual advances or whatever. and if something like that is going down (like when RTC strips down and starts fucking on stage basically) you can always go somewhere else without having to sacrifice listening to the music or enjoying yourself otherwise. there’s generally outdoor areas (or people will let you in/out if it’s not the shadiest) to chill or if you need a breather, people are willing to help you, etc. i dunno raves compared to clubs or bars are vastly VASTLY superior. youd think id be able to stand the latter two since i rave all the time but i just cant (also because there is never any good music at clubs).

plus im not dating anybody and being ace is a shit and a half in terms of All of That, it’s another fuckin hang up on my perceived adulthood that im unpalatable or a freak or something is wrong w me if i’ve “gone this long” being single. sorry all the dudes who have been into me have been petulant children or massive abusive jerks and im not open enough about my bi-ness to be visible to women i dont think. either way im entirely de-sexed and this is the age where people are definitely fuckin, and fuckin with a PURPOSE. theyve all had like ten years of practice by this point (whether actually having sex or not, theyre just programmed to understand it) and so most people dont have time for a stiff like me who really doesnt give a shit about sex or ranges to even actively fucking hating it. i also havent developed feelings for anybody in a long time unless you count my tumblr crush (who im pretty sure has a partner anyway lmao and they seem pretty sexual actually so i dont think theyd, among many other reasons, give a shit about my dumb ass) and that can be really alienating too. 

my high school best friend got married yet to me i feel like the only development i’ve had since high school is Trauma and mental illness. like i developed dissociative episodes in the last few years whereas in high school i basically only had the chronic insomnia and hypnagogic hallucinations. i mean i certainly think i’ve developed AS A PERSON in HUMONGOUS strides since high school but i know people i knew then will just be like “oh you still do ‘the rave thing’ and play WoW, huh?”

like yeah, i dunno, FUCK ME for enjoying my interests. i quit wow when i needed to and im glad i did but it’s not WoW’s fault i entered a morass of suicidal depression in the years i wasnt playing. WoW had run its course at that time in my life. and at the latter end of that i was going to raves regularly, making the BEST lifelong friends i have ever had, and generally being part of something greater, part of a community that genuinely cared about me. i was working out further kinks with my ability to socialize and love and be open to people (as i will continue to do until i die) but i feel there is arguably a much larger capacity to love in me than before. so i still wear kandi, so i still wear black clothing, so i still prattle on about orcs and trolls. fuck off. at least now i dont hate myself and let myself get raped every day, at least now im not mindlessly swallowing and regurgitating actively racist rhetoric out of fear of confronting my parents’ hatred or by surrounding myself with the dregs of society, at least now i dont want to “sew up my vagina” because i detest my womanhood and the men who covet(ed) it

currently i play wow honestly like maybe twice a week. i went on a bender with diego my REAL LIFE FRIEND LMFAO (like what, stop enjoying time w your friends, it isnt grown up!) a few days ago and we played for like 6 straight hours which was pretty fuckin wild. i think about wow a LOT like TOO mcuh and all of my art recently has been wow-related but holy shit i am drawing at least 

since playing wow again (almost concurrent with when i had started my job) i did more drawing than i did in probably all 4.5 years of college, assignments or otherwise. i was drawing EVERY DAY, legitimately, even if they were just quick scribbles. and when i wasnt i was writing every single fucking day. and when i wasnt, i was READING. like FUCK me for having warcraft as a motivation to do fucking anything in my goddamn life. youre right, abandoning my interests and adopting ones i hate for the sake of appearing more adult is totally worth the mind-numbing soul-eating depression i crumble into without these silly safety nets.

like that’s all it is. it’s silly. raves are silly. video games are silly. “good luck getting laid” thanks i dont need it. “good luck finding someone who loves you” fuck you i have plenty of people who love me BECAUSE of the things i love, not “in spite” of them, not in some tongue-in-cheek “That’s our Swamp!” fashion. they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE MAKE MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE TELL ME MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE PLAY MORE.” (that last one is about music, not warcraft lol).

but i mean i do worry about it, worry about being “too insular” as some critical piece of shit idiot put it to the point of being unrelatable. I dont want to alienate myself from people of course, nor do i want to get so wrapped up in fantasy that i lose myself. and that’s something i was tearing myself apart about during my episode earlier, just that “I have to get off the internet” because while i think and do all of this stuff, “Me” is just sitting in my bed rotting. Even when im drawing or up at my tables mixing i know it’s still just me, in my house, sealed off from the world, and i started having panic because i was telling myself “i want to go home” over and over but i am at home, i’m in my bed, but i realized of course that home is not in this house. home is many places for me, but it’s also why im SO enthusiastic about wow again: it is home. and believe me im getting wary of just how fucking much i am eating breathing sleeping dreaming (literally dreaming) warcraft because while i dont know if i was ever “addicted” i, again, dont want to be so swept up that i forget im a person (and with dpdr that shit is way potent). that and uhh i got shit to do, but mostly... it’s not real. and i know im setting myself up for failure and heartbreak again by yearning for something that cannot exist no matter how much i set my mind and hands to create it.

i feel hurt physically by the fact that there are “only humans”. i mean there are infinite different kinds of humans, but it’s more of an existential quandary than a yearning for an orc boyfriend or something. it’s why we dream up fantastic creatures and aliens in the first place: we’re not alone in the universe, are we? are humans really the only sentient beings out there? we can’t be. we can’t be. “they” say either option—that we are, or are not alone—is equally terrifying but i dont think so. sure we might fear violence or eradication from not being alone, but to know that we are? out of everything we’ve charted and studied, that we’re it? that’s... that’s death. and of course there’s going to be heat death or whatever they say in 6 billion whatever i dont know, so whether we’re alone or not is irrelevant because it will destroy our universe and what happens when there is no universe? and so of course all of this was compounding into panic, of course, of course, jumping from a dumbass thought like “i guess im not as into overwatch because it’s sci-fi but also theyre all humans” straight into “INEVITABLE HEAT DEATH”. so like, really, does it matter that i care about wow lore more than i care about marriage?

i mean, i guess i should have a career, but i dont really know what i could be capable of doing. i dont know if it’s mental illness or discipline or what but even if like metzen himself was like “come work at blizzard!” i would still probably just collapse into a heap of worthlessness and fear. 

i dont know what i fear. i guess i fear that im wasting my time, and by spending my time in another world i dont have to worry about how im spending time in this one. and that’s really, really bad. i dont like that.

i have to make this world worth living in. i have been trying. but i havent gotten very far. in fact, i took some steps backward.

from the edge of the cliff, so... i guess that’s forward in some ways.