#no i havnt gone to sleep yet

[ameliaenya404]

Love letters

Contains - mention of earthquake. Hawks x reader. Gn!reader. Fluff and light angst.

Love letters were something you never thought about. You easily forgot they existed in your singleness. And it continued well into your relationship with hawks.

You just simply forgot they were a thing, until he started sending you them whenever he was away on missions. Wether in the form of a long paragraph text or a real peice of paper mailed to your apartment, he sunk his soul and heart into every word for you.

You honestly couldn't express how much they helped when he was away for long periods of time, how often you read them over and over again in the middle of the night crying because you missed him.

The space in the bed next to you was empty and the letters did something to fill that empty spot with warmth.

You kept them in the drawer of the nightstand next to your shared bed. You took screenshots of all the texts he sent you about how much he missed you and had them saved in a folder on your phone to look back at whenever you needed him most.

Hawks had been gone for days now, sent off to an emergency site where an earthquake had destroyed. You could only imagine how bad it was down there and how worn he was going to be when he came home. He somehow still found time to send you a letter, even though every time you watched the news there were no updates other than the casualty number going up with each body found in the wreakage.

You hadn't opened the letter yet, but just as you snuggled beneath the covers and got ready to flick off the bedside lamp your hand hesitated, hovering before taking the sealed letter off the nightstand and placing it in your lap as you looked down at it.

You made quick work of ripping open the envelope, although careful not to tear the paper it held inside. You pulled out the peice of paper that was folded in half, and unfolded it to its full length.

The handwriting was messy and rushed but legible. All the I's were dotted with scribble hearts and the y's were cursive although none of the other letters were. It held personality.

His signature at the end was the same as it was in all the letters although it was far different than the signature he used for autographs. It was special just for you.

"Sorry for the messy look, I'm in a but off a rush down here. It's a mess, I'm glad your safe at home. I can't wait to get home and see you baby. I can't wait to get some proper rest with you. I hope your sleeping well. I hope you aren't worrying yourself, I know you tend to stress yourself out but I promise I'll come home to you, I always will. Have you been holding up well? Did that TV show you've been watching come out with any new episodes? I hope you've been keeping yourself busy. When i get back I want to take you out. To get you new clothes and maybe some new kitchenware, I got a sneak at the things you circled on those home magazines before I left. You can pick out whatever cute stuff you desire my love. I want to take you to a new restaurant when I get back too, I know a new place opened up not to far from the agency last month. I hear they have good chicken, we can go check it out together, yeah? I havnt been able to sleep without you. Or at all. They have me spread pretty thin between lifiting up all the heavy debris with my feathers for rescues and dealing with the aftershockes of the earthquake. It's pretty bad down here but I should be home soon enough and the minute I walk through the door I'm going to be all over you. I miss the smell of your body wash, it smells like mud down here from all the rain. I miss kissing you so much. I miss you baby but I'll be home soon. I promise. Stay warm, the weather's getting colder.

Take care of our nest and I'll see you soon dove - Hawks"

Tears spilled down your cheeks without you even noticing. You knew how stressed he was, he probably wanted to pluck so bad. It hurt your heart but his constant reassurance he'd be back helped. Because he was right, he always came back to you.

You folded the letter carefully and tucked it beneath your pillow. Glancing at the empty side of the bed and yearning. You huddled up in the blankets and shut your eyes.

"I'll take care of our 'nest', don't worry" you whisper to yourself, although it's really him you're speaking to.

[romanarose]

Life update if anyone cares.

I only post this bc i was posting my depressing shit for months and a lot of people were reaching out in concern <3

cw sever depression, self harm, suicide, csa, SA, all the bad. but also lots of good <3

TLDR: Despite a god-awful semester, i got all a's and b's

Everyone thats been following me the last few months has seem my personal posts about how fucking awful things have been for me.

I've dealt with fact I can no longer deny that what happened to me was CSA, despite being on a milder side of things. That sparked an absolutely spiral. I didnt sleep for months which made things worse. School, I got an F on a midterm and i NEVER get F's on writing assignments.

Work had its complications and i quit and then rescinded that quit two days later. I was so constantly depressed in my dorm my roommate literally told me i needed to go to the basketball game with them bc i was sitting in a depression hovel none stop. I only went to services twice this whole time, one shabbat and once for Rosh Hoshannah.

I burned the ever living fuck out of my fingers, yall remember that one? lol.

In novemeber i had relapsed so severely on self harm i thought i had accidentally killed myself. I should've called 911. I thought I was bleeding out and/or going into shock. I then worked myself up more by going down pages of the internet about medical shook and people dying from it. that did not help my heart rate. I couldn't stand, I couldnt see straight for a while.

I could not afford an ambulance or a hospital stay as i am uninsured and only ork 25 hours a week. not a lot of money.

All this happened and I didn't miss work. This is not a brag, this is me not being able to makegood choices for myself.

Finally, thanksgiving break hit. Thank fucking god. I WANTED to use those 4 days of absolutely nothing to get to my TWO BIG RESEARCH PAPERS I HADNT STRTED YET but alas, I was SICK. I was so sick, in fact, and so hoped up on cough medicine for 3 days i was incomprehensible.

I was so physically ill, i couldnt even think about how mentally ill i was. I slept and slept and slept. And by the time sunday hit, I felt so recharged.

My failed midterm was so bad and so not me my professsor reached out to me. Im close with him (in a v appropriate way lol, hes a bruce springsteen fan too) and i felt comfortable telling him essentially that for a few months there things were severe, and I really should've gone in for a 72 hour hold multiple times and i was not safe. through a few lines of resources, I ended up back in therapy bc my school added a new therapist that is a woman (i stopped going last year bc i didnt like seeing a man)

I like my new therapist.

Anway, in about 2 weeks I wrote 2 12 page research papers, 2 book report papers, 1 science paper did 2 presentations, took 2 finals, wrote 2 more finals with essay questions, and at the end of it all, not only did I not fail any classes...

I GOT ALL A'S AND B'S! Which means my gpa is still high enough to renew my scholarship for my last year

I am so fucking proud of myself for accomplishing all this despite suffering so fucking badly. I havnt felt pain like that in years, just agony.

I had a down turn again over christmas bc my siblings were literally ass, upto and including making fun of me for not ating (i am multiple accounts of sexual trauma from several people, so im scared of dating), making fun of my eating, and my sister slapping me and my older brother hitting me. Was a bad time. But for right now, im in the place im staying for break (all january) im back at my old day care and they love me, and olive garden at this store has been going great

Im hoping next semester to be better, im hopful at least

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has supported my writing has supported me through these times. It makes me happy that i came her to share my silly little moon knight x reader series, not really intending on writing a whole lot, but next thing i know, i have friends and a lil community. so thank you <3

[thelightsmiles]

wedesday morning

he's still asleep. i wasnt gonna get up yet. i was gonna sleep in on my weekend, like i always tell myself im gonna do bc i hate getting up early. its only 8am, and im glad im not waking up at 10 or something. i couldnt get his keyboard to work. he has this whole setup now, and i love it bc im totally gonna write more. im totally gonna make more art now.

we got a desk for the room. it reminds me of my old desk, at the house with all the memories. that was my little studio. i have so many memories in that desk. so many dark moments, too. but i like to look back at those years, i love to imagine myself back there, but i cant. its like i know i cant go back, but i just wish there was some way i could grasp it just enough to get those emotions i used to feel, to somehow be that person again for just a half of a second.

id like to think id be satisfied with half a second, but id probably hold on too tight if i found a way to do that, and never let go.

i had this little square of wood. im not sure what youd call it, what i used it for. it was my special block though, and i miss it. i miss how i used to create. so genuine and so easily. not always, but i let myself back then. i havnt let myself create like that in years.

its kinda funny, when i was 14 or 15 i would write these stories about how one day i got out of there, i escaped that stupid little town, i left and i never looked back, i created the life i wanted. in most of them, though, i just met someone and they saved me. they took me far away and i loved them forever. in most of them, if im being honest, tj came back.

he came back just like i fantasized about every night for months and then years. i dont remember when i fell out of love with him. it was longer than a year. i waited all that year, knowing he was gone but i couldnt handle it. i think i sent him an email once, and he probably didnt even log into his account, its probably sitting in there still.

id look at these pictures i had of him, and id think about how i could see us together in the future. i always thought about how hed be such an amazing dad. i wrote so many letters to him, i never sent them. i couldnt even give him that note id worked so hard on the day he left.

it took a really really long time for me to heal from that boy. and now that i dont idolize him, i cant imagine ever falling for someone that way again. i dont know how i could have, i didnt even know him. i think he was just the only boy whod ever given me some sort of hope that i wasnt unlikable.

so i did need that. i needed to learn all those lessons that taught me. i needed all those moments from that time period that ill never be able to remember.

all i know is i miss my childhood so much it hurts. id give almost anything to go back, and im not supposed to say that, bc i thought id let go of it ages ago, for the last time. i thought id accepted it was over and decided to finally live for that girl i used to be.

its kinda funny how all the little parts of our lives flow together so nicely when you look back, despite how incredibly different we were, how differnt the times were.

im still not sure when my depression was at its worst. there was one fall-summer that i wasnt there. i didnt exist. i dont remember myself.

id wake up at like 5pm and go out, id walk to the library and grab a random book, id go take my walk and sit by the water or stand on the bridge looking out at it. it was always so cold, but i dont remember being cold. i just remember the street lights, the snow, the music, the pain.

id get home and start reading, and then it would be 6am and id have finished that book, and i went to bed and cried myself to sleep, and then it would happen all over again.

[cold-arrow]

Doctor's Notes, entry ??

New fifth book, part 9 | The Road to Recovery |

Summary, things of note since last entry: stuck in bathtub, and no idea what to do. moisturizer, Lym ran off. Baras’s  insensitivity the priestess of Timora, certainty in the lack of hope we return to Waterdeep, (Kolbaz's insight) Lym's miracle, Baras' reserach. Lady silverhand, GayUncleGym/Gauntylgrim. Mirrorbar, horses, track into the valley Khedrun The stone giant. the path to the city

|

1 / 9 | didn’t really sleep that well, that night. im not sure if it was because ive been stuck in here, stationary for so long, or because of the disease. ( or whatever other reason, like being submerged in water. in a small uncomfortable bath ) I woke up the following morning rather exhausted. tried to do an experiment though. see If I could breathe water, or had started to develop gills yet. But I… very much regret trying, for all it accomplished was me nearly suffocating on the slimy water in this bath. (didn’t taste particularly pleasant either.) maybe I should ask the innkeep if they;d be willing to change it out, to get some actual fresh water … Actually nevermind, I cant be bothered. … though his design his a bit patchwork, Lumos’ new chassis seems to atleast be… functional. Definitely will have to make some improvements later though if I can. … tried making the moisturizer that Omrick bought me the ingredients for. but the results were… disappointing. And painful. seems like it reacts rather poorly when applied to my skin, causing some sort aggressive and caustic reaction, which wasn’t particularly pleasant any kind of way. Guess ill have to throw that idea / solution into the trash as well. next up on the stupid idea list. Make a hermetically sealed suit and fill it with water to keep myself hydrated. How complicated can that be right? Especially with Alll my tools and resources at hand. And my now lovely aquatic work environment. … I need to get some proper rest.

| 2 / 9 | I havnt seen Lym since… yesterday. I was thinking about apologizing. I… could probably have put things a lot better than I did. Maybe ill send Lumos instead, with a note. That way, if she doesn’t want to talk, she doesn’t have to.   … Omrick came in again as well. said Lym had disappeared or gone off by herself, not long after she returned to the tavern yesterday. She might just have stormed off as well. don’t know if…  I am the one who’s to blame the most for that, or if something else happened, after she dropped by yesterday. But… I don’t know what to do. Id go looking for her and apologize. But I cant. Im stuck. Don’t think it would help much either. If she left after that, I’d doubt she’d want to see any of us, nor our faces right now. guess, ill just sit here and… do nothing. Worry. I suppose. Don’t have anything better to do besides worry, and stress, and fret and think a…

-- I need to find something to disitract myself. Being left alone with my thought for so long, with nothing to do. isnt good for my mental. I’d try t… trying to research is useless. Getting out of this damned bath is useless. Trying to look for Lym in this damned city is useless. maybe ill count the tiles and boards again. or play go fetch with Lumos.

| 3 / 9 | After drinking my 7th waterskin today. I remembered that I havnt actually refilled Baras Alter-self flask yet. He’s been stuck in his room I think, since we came back. Hopefully refilling it for him means he’ll be able to do stuff, and not be as bored and stuck in his room like I am. Also, making the alter-self elixir means I have something to do as well thankfully. will send Lumos up to him in a bit. … it's not often that id consider Baras to be a fool, or an idiot. But he’s managed to surprise me somehow…. though id like to say that he cant really help his insensitivity and bluntness sometimes, since he still seems to be struggling with the concept of emotions and such. And what they are to him. I… very much understand now, as to why Lym had stormed off and left the tavern yesterday. If my… conversation with her wasn’t already enough to upset her, Baras being offended and actually accusing her  of -- intentionally -- hurting us, definitely would do the trick. it took a bit of coazing, or interrogation, to get the truth and details out of him. But after a few minutes it definitely become clear that, Baras had said some rather upsetting things to Lym, and hadn’t yet fully “realized” the extent or magnitude of mistake just yet. Even after she threw a drink in his face… I knew something was wrong the moment I asked if he knew why lym had left and disappeared. And his vagueness and dodging of answering my questions were more than enough to raise my suspicion. Atleast I have a better idea -- as to whats going on now. Not that I can really DO anything about. Im still stuck in this damned bathtub. I just hope I was able to talk some sense into him. so that if she does return, he can at least Properly talk and apologize to her. Keeping her feelings of guilt, and remorse, and anger -- a bit more in mind. * (maybe I should expedite / move forward my idea of making a mood ring for him. Maybe that’ll help gain him a better sense or grasp on things. such as his own, or others, emotions.)

| 4 / 9 | Lym has been gone -- for quite a while now. Im starting to get more and more worried. She didnt return to the tavern last night, nor this morning. Hopefully she found a decent place to rest and sleep for the night. ? I’d assumed Baras would have gone out to look for her and apologize at this point. Now that ive refilled his flask. But instead its as if he’s just – sulking or moping around in his room. Frozen with either fear or indecision on what he should about his actions, and the things he said. And instead Omrick has now gone out to look for her, which doesn’t necessarily bode well. I doubt he’s gonna improve things much with irritated mood he’s been in lately. I guess I can only hope for the best… Maybe I should send Lumos out instead, to look for her. …            it wasn’t until later that day, in the afternoon, that Lym eventually returned. And she brought company. She had spent most of the morning helping out at a temple of Timora apparently, after asking one of the priestesses if they could perhaps… take a look at me. To try and cure me. Omrick had eventually found her as well. He;d spotted her from outside the temple as she was helping out with some chores. And had waited outside until she eventually left with the priestess once they had a moment to spare The… priestess herself was a curious sort. But I guess that goes for most clerics at a temples I suppose. But her being a servant to the Lady of luck, definitely made her a bit more… odd? than most priests ive encountered. She did carry herself with conviction, and dignified manner. And while I, have never been a great believer of luck, She -- definitely seemed to have that conviction. we tried explaining my condition the best we could, and her conclusion was pretty similar to healers that had visited the Rosilio family it seems. A greater restoration Should alleviate me of my disease, and affliction. She grabbed her components and the required diamond dust, And although I somewhat doubted her – reliability at first, for being a priestess to luck and all. The divine magic she possessed and summoned to try and cure me, were… amazing, Quite Impressive. Yet, it wasn’t enough… once the divine glow of her magic faded, I… was still the same. My skin still translucent and slimy and dehydrated. So it seems like we indeed need something a bit more powerful. if we want to have any hope of curing me. We thanked for atleast trying, and her time and effort. And we offered to make a donation to the temple, in return. But she graciously declined our offer. And simply headed back to her temple, after we nevertheless conveyed to her our gratitude.   there was an awkward silence once she’d left. Omrick had been quiet all this time, and patiently been waiting, observing things. Lym had been a bit quiet as well, but spoke up shortly afterwards. Asking what we should do next, and suggesting that we maybe head back to Waterdeep and Baras’ mansion. Atleast there’s bigger bath there, and there might be some info or knowledge perhaps, in his library that might help. I agreed that it was a good idea. And sincerely thanked for finding a cleric for me. For taking the time look for one and might help figure out how to cure me. -- Omrick gave some snarky comment about how she shouldn’t have left without a word, and disappeared or something, which she didn’t appreciated, and said as much. And I quickly shot him him a warning glance as well. There’s a reason she didn’t. And I wonder as to whether either Baras or Omrick really understand that yet. ( even though we gained some certainty in the fact the greater restoration will not work. Im not really hopeful as to what even might at this point. I decided to make a donation to the temple of Timora nevertheless. As a thank you, and a small compensation for the material costs and gem dusts, and the time of the priestess. If paying Lady luck pays back in tenfold. then it atleast doesn’t hurt to show a bit of gratitude by trying to make a donation, I suppose. )

| 5 / 9 | the following day, we headed back towards Waterdeep. we bought a few wineskins (for my to douse myself in and quench my thirst.) Threw a cloak over me and Baras, and made our way to Mr. Kolbaz’s mansion, early in the morning. he was there to great us this time, when we dropped by. And he actually managed to give us a bit of useful info and insight on my condition. Appearently he actually has heard of the Kuo’Toa before, and gave us some pointers on what to perhaps look for, when we try to do some research the matter. in return I decided to actually give him some of my blood. I’d prepared a vial after we came through last time. however he was curious to have a vial of my blood in my current condition as well. which I didn’t really mind at that point, to be honest. Am curious as to how that’s gonna turn out. Will have to ask him next time we visit. … we managed to get back to the mansion without too much issue. While we were in Yartar, people didn’t really pay much to attention to Baras fortunately. which was a relief. But once we were back in waterdeep and traversing the streets, the stares of other people were… a lot less comfortable. As soon made it trough the front door Baras’ mansion, I immediately headed towards the baths, and dived into water.  And thank the gods ( or Dave I suppose) that the baths in his house are a lot more spacious, larger. I feels as if I finally have some proper breathing room ( not funny) And I can actually properly swim around for a bit now. The… webbing between my hands and feet are certainly Interesting.  Because it does actually make swimming a lot easier, effortless almost. Which shouldn’t be surprise but , I guess that’s atleast one plus if I become a fish person… I wonder if the celestial curse from the pillow is gonna have any effect on my condition as well. *actually nvm. I don’t wanna know. … Asked Otto if he and some of the other skeletons to help me get set up here in the baths. Got a few chairs and stools that I can use as tables now at least. Its been kind of difficult, to keep things dry and not covered in the slime from my skin. So hopefully that should help. Also, If I hadn’t mentioned before, writing like this isn’t the easiest thing either. I have to constantly submerge and then dry my hands, Again, pretty much every minutes. Being careful as to not stain any of my papers, or equipment. maybe I could ask Baras to let my borrow some books from the library. If he’ll allow it. Will have to be even more careful then with my own books and papers though, in that case. Or I fear the wrath he would unleash upon me, if I damaged one of his books…

| 6 / 9 | She did it! She actually managed to do it. Both Lym and Baras actually she dropped by the following day, saying she wanted to try something. And before I could really process what had happened, or prepare myself. I was cured. Healed of my affliction and disease! My skin being its usual normal colour and texture again. I … havnt felt this relieved or – havnt even felt this well in ages. Even some of my smaller physical ailments, such as the pain in my back, or in my neck and hand are gone! We really do not deserve Lym. -- I… guess I finally kind of understand what the proudness of a parent feels like. Or… what my father might have felt, in those very rare moments, when I did actually manage to impress him. Or what my mother might have felt like, if she knew what things I’ve done, and accomplished. if she was still alive I owe Baras as well, appearently he had stayed up most of the night researching in the library to try and find pretty much anything that might be able to help. Jarvis had already narrowed down some of the books for him. And after reading through most of them, he found one that listed a possible cure. I want to try and find a way to repay her, the both of them. Lym used a lot of her energy to cure me. Let alone the time and energy she spend when we’re still in Yartar. The sewers the temple. And ive very much underestimated to sheer magnitude of the knowledge contained in Baras library. I should start spending some time there if I actually want to learn even a fraction of knowledge held there before my death.

| 7 / 9 | With Lym’s brother now being safely out of jail. And with me being cured and no longer at risk of turning into a fish person, or Kuo’toa. The question now is, what do we do next? Baras had send a message to Lady Silverhand to try and schedule an appointment, for a conversation. but it seems like that’s going to take a while, or a bit longer then we expected. For the better or worse. ( not really looking forward to that, so the longer it takes the better actually. ) -- So we either just wait and do nothing. Or… we could perhaps set out again. With Omrick having discovered the location of the ancient dwarven city, and the fact that we have some time to kill / “free time,” I guess we’re going head out and look into that matter of his. Its officially decided, and we’re getting ready to set out. it's pretty important to him it seems. A thing that his father had always talked about. And held great significance to him. Will have to ask some more details about it, along the way. ill admit to atleast being somewhat curious about the idea of an ancient, long lost dwarven city. or capital even.

| Baras got the teleportation coordinates, or runes, to mirrorbar a while back, so we decided to finally try them out. Safe a bit on travel time. -- I think, if I heard correctly, that the ancient long lost dwarven city, was rumoured to be somewhere in the valley of Khedrun. Which means that Mirrorbar is the closest place, I suppose

… The circle in Mirrobar is… rather well hidden apparently. I guess no-one would expect to find such a thing in the hay attic of a barn. The… guardian of place does need to work on his -- acting a bit though. it was rather obvious that he was hiding something up there. But besides his poor acting skills, he seemed like a nice fellow Zaspar Bronzefire ,was his name if I remember correctly, auburn haired young dwarf covered in hay. I Do wonder if he actually knows any magic himself, or if he is just a simple stable hand/owner under contract by the Harpers / LA maybe I shouldn’t write down, this kind of sensitive / classified information. Especially if I end up loosing my notebooks again at somepoint … Oh, and I almost forgot! Veran had succeeded in his mission, the favour I asked of him, And actually found / recovered pretty much most of my belongings. There are a few smaller things that are missing / gone, and probably lost forever. But all my important Magical, and alchemical belongings are here, and back. My supplies, tools and components I bought ( the regeants ) are gone, but I can always find new ones. But, all the things I worked so hard to make, or that we fought to earn or gain. I have them again now. I don’t remember when the last time was, when I actually had felt that happy, or hopefull. Having both been cured of an uncurable desease. And gifted pretty much all my belongings that I had lost. On the same day. Thank you Illmater, thank you Timora, And thank you to my friends.

| 8 / 9 |

The road of Stones our journey, once we left mirrorbar, was mostly uneventful. However, I was stupid enough to forget to buy rations before we set out. Thankfully the others were kind enough to share some of their rations with me, so I at least have something to eat. (doesn’t seem like the barbarians at Svalberg left any of the food I had when the emptied my bag ) It wasnt until a few days later into our journey though, that we encountered a bigger issue... The night before, Omrick had just found a cavern marked by dwarven script, or a symbol. Which contained a very clever sedimentary? map, that gave us further directions on how to reach the gates and entrance to Gauntlgrymm. It’s only dwarves who have the knowledge of, or studied the masonry and geological of their ancestors, who could read it. He was pretty excited to not only find evidence of the city’s existence, but the cleverly concealed map to its exact location as well. It… was during that night however, that Baras had noticed something in the distance. large shapes, that were dragging something behind them. he informed us of the sighting, and that the shapes had stopped to rest for the night, some distance ahead. And that they fortunately hadn’t spotted us. It was hard to tell from of distance, but they appeared to be stone giants. And they were dragging several dead bodies, and possibly lives ones with them. He -- wasn’t particularly keen on facing them, wanting to save his and our strength for the city ahead. But…. If there were dragging not only corpses, but prisoners with them. We couldn’t just abonadon those people right? Lym seemd to doubly agree. And Omrick was confident, as per usual, that he could take them on. And that we should save those people, or atleast stop them. so with that, we set out to ambush them. | 9 / 9 | Remind me, to not underestimate stone giants, or any giants for that matter again in the future. There were only 2 of them. But they proved to be a lot more dangerous then we expected. Both of them. The first one, was a formidable fighter by himself. Far stronger than any hill giant we’ve encountered. But the second one, She… was a incredibly powerful and dangerous caster. Who could have annihilated us for sure, if thing had gone differently. *(she might have even been capable of even casting some the highest level of chronomancy in hindsight. if im not mistaken? ) the warrior, we managed to take down quickly enough. With Omrick taking him down a peg after trading a few blows, untill he was still on the ground. but the terrifying, Geomancy / Seismomancy / Terramancy or whatever magic she had at her disposal. Were powerful enough to summon earthquakes that could level villages and towns in seconds. we took some substantial blows trying to take her down. but outnumbered once the giant warrior had fallen, she eventually turned and fled, only to be taking down by Lym. -- I think Lym took that fight rather personally, this was the first time I think, any of us have seen her fight this aggressively, or offensively, in a while. She summoned some terrifying divine magic to both incinerate, wither, and tear apart the stone giants. The divine flame strikes were definitely something to behold. And she teleported closer towards the female giant, instead of way. Not only once, but twice. The first time crippling her severely. Before finishing her of and killing her the second time.

.

I hope she was able to vent and unleash some of her frustrations from the past week, or two today. For I worry as to what would happen if she directed more of the fury unto us. … the rest of our journey didn’t really provide any futher challenges, and eventually we managed to find The Cave, thanks to the directions that Omrick had found / gotten, from before. It was a bit of journey down. But right now were standing infront of a beautifully carved stone gateway, next to an underground waterfall. The craftmanship on this entrance alone… is amazing. And I can only look forward as to what other structures, and architecture, and other dwarven ruins and buildings that we might found down here.

| Extra | (during one of the previous nights, after the encounter with the stone giants. I had a… rather unsettling dream. we were fighting the stone giants, again. But there were so many more this time. We were all separated, scatted across the battlefield. I was trying to reach them. But… A ravine tore open beneath Baras, as he started to fall into the endless depths of the earth. Omrick was slowly being overwhelmed and crushed into the ground by dozens of giants. And Lym was slowly, painfully turning to stone. being petrified. And I had to watch in horror as I failed to reach any of them. Trying my best to make my away across the gravel, erupted earth and broken stones as they one by one fell. … I didn’t feel particularly great after that, the following day. I just hope that -- it isn’t something foreboding.

[ghostbonezzz]

Real good best buddies have Opposite sleep schedules!!!!

[anemicmarcus]

I'm a mothafuckin' tangelo

[chumpmagump]

So today was really quite a mixed bag.

I woke up late , 10;30 is late for me. I had a sleeping pill that night because I really havnt been sleeping good & that kinda wiped me. I felt still stirred in my thoughts from the previous day and I was drinking my coffee when my best friend rang. She convinced me to come on a run and scuba dive which I was so up for, anything to get out of the house on a Saturday. I was super in my feelings yesterday half from PMS and half from freaking out about surgery. Anyway, I have the rest of my coffee in the shower and have a little dance to 2am by foals and fuck off for the day.

Change of plans and she takes me the boxing place she goes to , she has a personal key and no one is there today so it’s just us two. She’s so fit it’s not funny, I realise how unfit I am but long story short she coaches me through my first boxing lesson & I hold the boxing pads for her and watch her go for it too. It was so empowering, I knew it would be but not like that. Immediately she’s like damn we should train you up to fight! Which was so lovely of her to say. Apparently I would have a good chance because I’m tall and quite small with already good strength. It’s like the best compliment I could have received.

After this we go body boarding which if you’ve never been oh my god. So much fun. I felt like I was having the most fun I have had in months. You feel like a little kid again. I felt a little cold getting out of the water but it was bearable because my whole body wasn’t immersed. Water was a nice temp too. After that I go scuba diving for the first time and see all the little fishes under the water. Amazing experience. I felt really alive. That is until I realise I am way too cold and head back to the shore as it starts pissing down. I get in the car and look at my palms which are turning blue and purple in areas, and my lips which have a blue colour. Not good. I feel very tired and I can feel my heart is like going a bit faster so I know I need to get myself into warm water and rest. I drop my friend off and head home where I don’t fully recover for a few hours. The fatigue is pretty bad, I’m in bed all afternoon feeling wiped , I realise the day is gone which is amazing because it didn’t feel like I was out for hours. I’m in bed from about 4:30 pm to now - 2am. So tired! Yet not good at sleepin. My mind is still a bit obsessive and overdriven thinking about how I’m feeling dissapointed with some people. But you know what?

I’m not gonna let that take away from the fact I had a day where I did so many new things and felt alive even on a semi close brink of hospitalisation lmao. Im alive & that’s what I want this year to be about, feeling more alive and validating my own experience, no matter what is happening for me , who is talking to me, and no matter who is or isn’t validating my existence.

Fuck it I can have myself a day and I did. And tomorrow I’ll do the same even if it’s by myself.

[randomsevans]

THE WOLF WITH IN

Part 2 : the unwanted omega.

You had been at the party for what felt like forever but in reality was only an hour . Once you exited your cabin with your hand in Ransom ,everyone instantly turn towards you too . But as soon as the party resume , Ransom left your side straight away and headed for a bunch a giggling beta and omega beside one of the fire . Your gut twisted ,missing his warth more then you were willing to admit . While your omega was growling within at the other females around the alpha, with a bitter jealous you didnt understand nor did you ever have before. And made your way to the makeshift bar .

Which you were currently at . As the wind swirled around carrying laughter and scents. Your head perked up as you got a whiff of that calming scent. It annoyed you the effect that Ransom had on your Omega. Since he has always been rude to you . Like he is too everyone ,but its worst with you , with small comments on your appearance, your scent , on how no will mate with. He would always send daggers your way . Embarrass you infrount of the pack in human form that is. When you are on your pack run on a full moon he never leaves your side. It annoyes you as sometime the human wins in him and pushes you around, only for then his wolf to gain control again and tries to help sooth anyway cuts or grains he caused . You believe Ransom wolf is more caring and less of an animal then Ransom .

Just siped on your drink that was the only thing keeping you company. Just as you expected no one came near you. Much to your disappointment and relief as you could slip away and no one would notice you were gone .

You downed the last of your drink . And step backwards with a little spring in your step and you swold the rest of your drink and turned away to walk away from the bar towards your cabin . As you made your way through the party your cabin was in sight . A small smile placed on your lips on the sight of home , where you could sleep and rest . That was until one of blondes from earlier step in front of you .

"Awww y/n why you leaving so early ?" She tilted her head and gave a fake pout .

"Is was all by her self again that's why " another blonde came next to her with the same expression on her face.

"Her scent is that repulsive no Male dare goes near her !" Another blonde came on the other side of the first blonde. Block the view of your safe heaven.

She looked over your shoulder and a smirk appeared on her face " isn't right Ransom ?"

You turn your head to see a smug looking Ransom with another blonde on his left 'where are all these blondes coming from ?' And a redhead on his other attacking his neck .

"What's right?" He questioned not even glancing at you .

"That y/n scent is that unpleasant shell never find a mate " the seconde blonde comment causing a ripple of giggles . You have never felt so ganged up on .

Ransom paused for a minute as his ear caught mention of your name , and his head automatically snap at you. His blue eyed piecing yours . His blue iceberg eyes melted . His whole world came to a halt but then was quickly resumed as a smirk played on his lips , while his eyes told a different story as you stared into them . He small chuckle left his lips .

"Girls you wouldnt believe how repellent her scent is , its lucky the other havnt told me to kick her out yet " Ransom coldly snapped , causing a tear to roll down your cheek 'there wouldn't really kick you out the pack right '' Ransom didnt think that of you did he ?' You dont know which thought stung more . But little did you know it was far from the truth .

The girls around you giggles as if theve heard the best joke in there life .

"What's so funny ?" You heard and saw your two best friend appear James and Nat .

Your head spon back to face Ransom only to see his tongue down the redheads throat .

"Nothing that funny I bet seen it caused them to laugh " nat snared .

"Oh watch it " you heard ransom yell coming behind you , shoving you to the side , causing you to trip over your own foot and fall .

Nat began to come there near you only for the alpha to push her away . Ransom and Nat were eyeing each other as if one was ready to attack. Nat had no loyalty to Ransom no matter how much of an alpha he is to other. To her he still needs to prove himself . Nat eyes shoot toward you again . Making Ranom follow her gaze as he turned his head to see you on the follow. A wave of panic flash over him . Making him automatically put a hand out infrount of you . Only to hesitate, as if he having a battle with in . His hand went back to his side as quick as it left .

His expression harden as his eyes remained glass like in awe.

"Get up !" You stayed , not obeying him , you were to embarrassed to move . " get up NOW ! " you still remain . "OMEGA I'm warning you "

Everyone at the party eyes snapped in your direction as Ransom called you Omega as well as because of his harsh tone . In your pack you were only called omega if you were claim or only your mate would call you that. So it was forirgen for the pack to hear Ransom say that word to you . But that for you , he always called you omega sometime my omega. You always thought he did it to haunt and taugh you as you will never get a mate . As all eyes on the two of you in shock . Even Nat and James as well as the girls all terrified and curious.

You still remain on the ground until Ransom reach down and grabbed your arm, yanking you upwards until your chest collided with his.

"Listen to your alpha !"

With your slightly heat cheeks with the single cold tear that ran down earlier causing a stinging feeling as the wind hit , you only let out small chuckle . A nervous one . It was as if your omega found this whole thing laughable 'let see how far we can push it !'

'No ! '

But your wolf won

"Y/n " he growl out your name .

He quickly turned dragging you with him and he rapidly walks towards your cabin . You could feel the anger in him as he grips you tighter. You both eventually make it into your cabin as Ransom release his grip and slams the door shut with a bang behind him . With in seconds his lips were on yours

[thousandfourhundreddays]

Yours For Tonight. Pt Three

Michael Gray X Reader

PartOne PartTwo

A/n Hey guys!! Hope your all doing ok in lockdown wherever you are in the world! I’m finally getting round to writing part three of yours for tonight after soooo many requests to continue it, but I’m going to make this the last one of this mini series as I REALLLLYYYY struggled with the plot in this chapter and that’s why it’s taken me so long, sorry!!! But I just don’t want any future chapters to be rubbish! However this does give me the opportunity to start new mini series so let me know if you have any ideas!! Anyways, hope you enjoy!! Xxx

The pitter patter of the early morning rain on the windows woke you up, the grey clouds hanging in the sky, disguising the sun behind, leaving your bedroom icy cold and dim. The house you had bought since moving back to small heath was enough, small and modest yet perfect for living alone. You could’ve easily afforded something bigger and much more grand due to the money you had brought back from your life in France, but the last thing you wanted was to be rattling around an empty home on your own. Also, as much as you’d hate to admit it, you wanted to be close to the streets you once loved, the garrison, your friends and family... and Michael.

Speaking of Michael, it had been roughly three weeks since your first and simultaneously your last interaction with Michael since you returned to Birmingham, and since then, your life had consisted of many tears, sleepless nights and endless strings of questions running through your mind.

Dragging yourself out of bed, and heading for a shower, your warm, tear stained cheeks were soothed by the crisp mornin air. As much as you lay in bed at night questioning weather it was the right decision to come back, those thoughts were soon brushed away as morning came around and you spent every spare minute making up for lost time with your friends and family.

After finishing getting ready for the day, you headed out to work. You had no idea what you were going to do for work once you’d arrived in Birmingham but after a late night chat with one of your closest friends about how she was struggling to manage her florest shop alongside a newborn baby, you offered to give her a hand and she gladly accepted your help. You refused to let her pay you at first, just thankful for the chance to socialise with customers and catch up with your best friend, but she insisted and eventually you gave in.

Stepping out of the door, locking up behind you and hurrying down the street to avoid spending too much time out in the rain, you didn’t notice Michael walking along the oposite side of the road. He stopped in his tracks, eyes glued to you as he admired the way your hair flowed in the wind and your skin glowed in the early morning light as you effortlessly ran down the street. Little did you know, he had spent the last few weeks in exactly the same way you had. Long, sleepless nights, waking up with puffy, bloodshot eyes.

You continued your day oblivious to what had happened that morning, helping in the shop to prepare flowers for a wedding taking place the following week.

By the time you’d finished and we’re heading home, it was still raining but you were the happiest youd felt in weeks. It had been a good day. A busy one, but good. You’d finally felt like you had settled back in, like you were finally moving on with your life. It definitely wasn’t how you’d expected it to be but you were coming to accept it.

Reaching you door, you rummaged in your pocket rushing to find your keys, keen to get into the warmth. Finally, the door swung open and the welcoming heat enveloped you. Letting you a content sigh, your shoulders dropped and your muscles relaxed as you headed to make yourself a cut of tea.

Not long after, you found yourself dozing off on the sofa, curled up in a blanket, the fire keeping you warm. But just as quickly as you fell asleep, you were woken by a desperate banging on your door. Your body stiffened as you harshley sat up, startled. You froze for a second, fear flowing through your veins as you silently questioned who it could possibly be. Your eyes flicked towards the small clock on the wall above the fire. Quarter to one in the morning. Letting out a shakey breath you stood and cautiously headed for the door. Trying to talk sense into yourself as you went, really, if someone was coming to murder you in your sleep, would they be knocking on your door? No.

Leaving the chain on the door, you cracked it open, just enough to see who it was. A relieved sigh escaped your lips as you registered the fact that it wasn’t actually someone coming to murder you in your sleep but the uneasyness soon returned as you focused on thier face. Tear stained. Red eyes. Soaked by the rain.

“Michael?”

“I left her.” He stated, his voice cracked as he spoke.

Your eyes widened. Not knowing what to say, you removed the chain from the door, letting it swing open freely, silently invinting him in as your eyes board into his own.

“I left her.” He repeated. “I didn’t want her y/n. You know I didn’t. I thought I did at the start but when I saw you again I- it just felt right again.”

Your eyes started to well up, your vision blurred. Desperately wiping your eyes to be able to read his face. Your lips hung open with shock.

“I know I dont deserve you y/n, I know. But I can’t go on like this. I havnt slept in weeks.” The word were tumbling from his lips, desperate to get you back, to get back the only thing that could fill the hole that was left in his heat after you left.

He stepped forward, cautiously placing his hand on your cheek, wiping away your tears.

“I’d do anything for you y/n”

“Oh shut up Michael” you all but whispered as you launched forward, taking his face into your hands, the face you were so desperate to wake up to every morning, kissing his lips, the lips you craved every second, of every day whilst you were gone.

Michael melted into the kiss, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist, holding you closer than he ever had before.

“I’m never letting you go y/n... never” he muttered between kisses. “I love you”

“I’m yours” you giggled against his lips, “I love you”

THE END

Xxxxxxx

Masterlist

TagList:

@obsessedunicorn24

@namelesslosers

@cleverdreamerhoagiewolf

[suzakumuto]

Ruby hadn't slept in a few days worried about Suzaku, she spent most this time looking for him.

She knew she did alot of of horrible and terrible things to him on the past but has moved on from that now everyone knows her real feelings for him.

She was pained and hurting in side deep down as he's married to another but she was still happy for the vampire.

Ruby: "this is the only place left..... his secret hide out..... he hasn't been here in years, perhaps I should of checked here first..."

She enters the forest, something seemed off like a fight had broke out as many trees were slashed down by a weapon.

She moves faster as she runs threw the forest only to find Suzaku up against a tree passed out, he had many injury from his training with Guren.

Ruby: "SUZAKU!!!"

She runs over to him and kneels down in front of him, he was breathing but very exhausted he held a sword in his hand that was resting on the ground.

Ruby: "what the shell's been going on here, who did this to you"

Suzaku still had his eyes shut as he was slowly coming round from his sleep.

"That bastard Guren was training me to defend my self.... why did you come looking for me Ruby"

He weakly opens his eyes and looks at her.

Ruby: "why else, the twins and I were worried about you even your dad and sister"

"Take it she hadn't noticed I was gone?"

Ruby: "She?"

"My wife..... for a while now things have been werid between us so I wouldn't be surprised"

Ruby: "you had more on your mind than just your parents havnt you, why didn't you talk to someone"

"Why... because I'm used to it now Ruby.... first Mika leaves me then Ryuzaki disappears almost like he's gone to another planet..... it didn't work out with Lilly and now I'm afaird I'm losing Jessie now too she's keeping away all the time, I'm starting to wonder if you know.... what if I'm cursed"

Ruby: "I don't think your cursed Suza but..... with Mika he was wrong for you anyways, the guy didn't freak you well, he forced you into stuff you didn't want to do, Ryuzaki I guess no one knows what's happened to him, the police have marked him as dead or missing"

"I know and after being told all this stuff by my dad and guren it brought these memories back..... I never told Jessie many things about my life.... perhaps that's where I went wrong"

Ruby: "you don't talk about it because you want to forget, there's no reason to talk about, all that matters is what's happening now"

"I still sense something isn't right through, more the reason for me to keep my distance and give her some space of her own, be sides I'm a monster there's more to it."

Ruby places her hand over Suzaku's. He turns his head away not looking at the red haired

Ruby: "your not a monster.... if you were a monster I wouldn't have these feelings for you"

"But I am..... And I must insist you leave before I do something I regret"

He gets up ready to leave, for a while he had also been fighting with himself deep inside, fighting his feelings.

Ruby: "you should go back and get washed Suzaku I'm not leaving till you go back home"

She runs after him grabbing him by the arm.

"Look, this is my problem.... damit, I will not given in to...."

Ruby: "given into what, your starting to scare me Suzaku"

"I'm trying to avoid you before this happens"

He pulls her close to him, he face flushed red by the sudden movement.

Ruby: "I've done something to upset you again havnt I.... what ever it was I'm very..."

She gets cut off as Suzaku suddenly kisses her. Her eyes suddenly open wide with pure shock not expecting this, this was nothing like the accidental kiss they had days before, this was different, filled will with more love. He breaks the kiss and starts to walk away.

"That's why I have to avoid you..... I love my wife very much yet I have these feeling for you too, which makes me a monster, now do you get it. Don't come after me.... if anyone asks just tell them I went over seas to write new music....."

Ruby watches him disappear she knew he was prob going to remain in the forest as he left his stuff and tent. But she could see why he needed to stay away now, he needed time to clear his head, it was more than just family but it was his love life he was struggling with too, Ruby decided perhaps it's best she doesn't tell anyone what had happened.

Multi verse (not to do with any rps so Suza did not cheat on Jessie at all in the main rps, this is just a multiverse as I'm bored XD)

@crew-from-another-dimension it's just a multiverse what if moments sort of thing o.o

@oc-clique-x mentions of Ryuzaki XD

[nedsseveredhead2]

Regular art and commission work will resume Tomorrow probably its been Super Sale weekend at work, todays the last day and I got The Long Shift and i havnt even gone in yet but i know i want to sleep after cjcncnc

[ask-keystar]

Keystar meets sfs

Soon after Jess had recovered her strngth and energy she came back with the newborn foal keystar who had also recharged and was full of energym running and bouncing all around Jess as she tried to explain  that this was her new home. “Also, don’t bother Shadowfox Silver up there in the tree, she doesn’t like being bothered” Jess said to the foal.

Keystar stopped and looked up curiously and spotted the hedgefox sleeping on one the the tree’s branched. Keystar EEEEed with delight and before Jess could say anything more Keystar opened up a portal and jumps right through it disapeering from sight, much to Jess’s surprise and confusion. She barely gotten to know her new ‘Daughter’ and already she’s somehow disapeered.

What Jess didn’t see is where the foal went, she ended up standing verticaly on the tree watching SFS sleep quietly, not knowing just what was coming. The foal squeeled qith delight and waking her up. “Fluffy!” the foal exclaims as she pouces SFS right out of the branch much to her surprise. The foal was loving the soft warm fur as they fell from the tree and try as she might SFS could night break free from the foal.

SFS was getting very worried as she tried to fly away but the weight of the foal and the speed they where going ment it was already to late as Jess watched on in shock not sure what to do about lal this and just as they where about to crash into the ground suddly they landed in a pool of rainbow colour choclate cream filled sprinkles that where not there before.

They were both safe and Jess comes running over to the crash site as SFS climbs out with the foar still snuggling her “Oh dear, are you both alright? Sorry about her. I havn’t gotten to know her much yet.” SFS prys the foal off her and looks at jess annoyed and a bit confused “Where did you find this... creature?” she says grumbling and notices Jess is no longer pregnant and after a few moments she realizes where the foal came from. “Is she, really yous?” Jess nods trying to hold keystar back from poucing and cuddling into SFS again.

“Settle down dear, it’s not polite to pounce strangers and I don’t think it’s a good idea to bother her.” Jess says as she looks up at SFS “Yes, she is mine, how? I don’t know, I don’t even know what happened to Darkstar, She was there one moment as the dragon with the yellow key stuck to her horn and then suddly gone in a flash and as you know I ended up pregnant and still no trace of Darkstar.” the foal giggles “The ketchup is fine, it made her choice to join the musturd so I coiuld be here!”

They both look at the foal confused. “Just what is that things name anyway?” SFS said smoothing her fur back out and Jess looked embaresed as she didn’t quite know what to call her yet. The foal looked up and with a big smile said “Hiya! “I’m Keystar! I’m a key and i’m also a pony! I’m both” Jess looks surprised and nerviously chuckles “Well there you go then, her name is Keystar and don’t worry, I’m sorry she pounced you, I will try to keep her from doing it again.”

SFS just grmbles and waked off “Whatever.” Keystar giggled happily “Bye fluffy!” SFS growled in return “I am not fluffy!” and went back to her branch to go back to sleep.

Jess and Shadowfox silver belong to @shadowfoxsilver

Hope this story wasn’t to short, I didn’t put much thought into it I just made most of it up as I went along. just a small quick silly story of how I think there first meeting went.

[bluebuckstallion]

hey not 2 be moody or anyth but im gnna vent a lil bit

so uh. the last few days i was @ my dads i was rlly delusional n erratic nd i saw way more shit than i usually do (along w auditory bs) and i literally didnt sleep at all most nights,, 3 hrs or less which is weird for me during summer,, esp @ my dads. but anyways, on the way to meet my mom he got rlly pissed ovr smth trivial and i jus,, couldnt stop flinching bc god its not like he was gnna hurt me but literally any man raisng his voice makes me cry almost instantly when its tht close to my fuckn ears especially when it was literally unexpected n long story short he said i was rlly goddamn lazy or whatever n we didnt talk for an hour n a half lol it was a shitty carride

and on top of tht. i found out tht half my house burnt down while i was gone! the ac caught on fire. so we were (are) living in a fuckn hotel again, jus like in december-march, lol. my mom couldnt take the rats anywhre so we assumed they died from smoke inhalation (my cats n one of my dogs already got fuckd up over tht) but. yea. we had to keep all 4 of the cats outside during the scorching heat n we managed to take the dogs w us but damn. n on top of tht my uncle is back on heroin n he was presumed dead for 6 days, after stealing my grandmas only mode of transportation n fleeing for the va border. th only contact we had from him was him cussing my mom out (good on him tbh) and on top of THT my grandmas fucked bc she put out a report on her truck being missing n then revoked it so shes in trouble for harboring/helping a fugitive lmao,,, n at this point we can only assume tht my uncle might be dead so yeet

also th person im engaged to is prolly gonna break up w me but im too scared to even talk to them bc ive been tryng so hard to ignore the fact they traumatized me physically but wtver! its cool i guess. they keep talking abt killing themselves

anyways thts jus the small stuff. on top of tht, ive been blacking out way more thn usual when i drink nd apparently ive been fighting my mom every time i drink aswell so??? yah thts had a shit ton of bad consequences

n my favorite thing in the entire world, my cat peach, literally got her torso n below mauled, and its so bad tht shes on morphine n we cant afford her bills even w the red cross helping us. she dislocated her hip or smth and its rlly fucking bad bc jesus tht cat is my baby shes the only thing i care abt ive genuinely never loved smth so much and ik its dumb but idk what im gonna do if we have to put her down bc thats still smth tht might happen and honestly i jus dont fucking know what im gonna do if we put her down. shes my baby

before she got attacked tho, the same dog almost ripped off my other cats ear n rlly fucked up his head but hes healed a bit so its cool. th same dog attacked my other cat too but hes recovered already. n we dont know who owns the dog bc we havent seen it (our neighbor has been keeping us up to date n shes been trying to feed n water th animals)

my Other cat got stolen for a couple of days n the police might get involved over it lol,, they took him for awhile n hes back now but he was missing for ages. ppl have tried to take one of my other cats too bc hes an f4 bengal,, they sell for a lot,, but hes managed to evade it. th other one probably got taken bc hes a kitten n rlly naive. but hey the good news is my animals havnt died yet

also! i start school on monday! lol! everythngs going rlly great

idk more shit happened but im still trying to process a lot of stuff bc eugh

long story short: was rlly delusional n erratic+audio/visual hallucinations n getting no sleep, so i was practically on suicide watch again, stunted my already horrible relationship w my dad, found out half my house burnt down, assumed most of my animals tht got left behind were dead, living in a hotel again w my 6yo brother+mom+3 animals n relapsing a lot, i black out most nights but when i wake up i usually find out ive fought someone n self harmed a lot n face the consequences, person im engaged to might break up w me but i cant msg them to find out bc i get anxious bc i relive trauma they caused tht rlly fucked me up sexually, uhhhh my uncle is a fugitive and might be dead, hes using heroin again, my grandma is in trouble for harboring+helping a fugitive bc she put out a report on the truck he stole from her n then revoked it, found out my favorite living thing in the world (my cat peach) might have to be put down n im rlly unstable over it, she got attacked by a dog rlly brutally along w two of my other cats n the fourth one got stolen, im gnna have to deal w one of my friends havng feelings for me but i rlly dont want to confront it and i start my frst year of high school in 3 days! hooray

edit: ALSO i might have to confront th fact a girl i havent talkd to in abt 3 mnths tht i had a thing going on w is rlly unstable and i dont know if shes alive lol!

[gelatin-hate-club]

A Short Essay on why gelatin is bad

Im not here to play any games. Gelatin is the worst thing to ever happen to this planet sense the invention of the dictionary, and i cannot physically handle it anymore. every time i go to spew my views on why i hate this mess, the Cretan of an item, i am yelled at, im ashamed. my own family has abandoned me. every church i have gone to has claimed that its not a big deal. but this IS a big deal. This goes out to every single person who has ever thought gelatin is good and isnt a bad thing to eat.

If you havnt realized it yet, it looks like this:

now i know your thinking, “ye its fun for the family” NO its NOT be QUIET. as “wholehearted” as this monster may seem to be, this thing could kill you im your sleep. proof? take this thing out your 1987 Honda (holding it with gloves, you cant have this stuff on you its deadly), find a snoring person, throw it in their mouth and BAM. they'll die in their sleep due to suffocation, and the cops wont even know. Gelatin is so deadly you could commit murder and nobody would even know. this is disgusting. i dont even know how you people can get behind a product such as THIS. your only excuse of ever using this product is commiting murder on your husband for his insurance but that's PUSHING IT. thats THIN ICE. 

You may be also wondering, “well nobody could die by accident”. WELL GUESS AGAIN PAL YOUR WRONG. you remember that one vine? the one where the girl goes “hello? more like jello-” and then almost DIES?? that would add more deaths on the hands of this stupid fruit. nomatter HOW MUCh you cut this thing up, you can still choke on it. 

my next point is the TEXTURE. i for one would be caught DEAD even SLEEPING with this nightmare yet alone TOUCH IT. IT FEELS LIKE A DEAD JELLYFISH. gelatin is literally just dead jellyfish holy shit. 

another thing. WHY ARE JELLO LOVERS INCLINED TO RUIN FOODS. they see food that isnt squishy and go “eW” and make stuff like this:

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS JELLO LOVERS??? im completly fine with cannibalism but THIS IS TAKING IT TO FAR. doing the math, you can see about 23 sets of teeth, but lets say this jelly lover just really wants to save corpes so they use the whole mouth. divided 23,( and also adding 1 to make it even) thats 12 humans. a motherfucking jello lover wasted 12 corpes to cook THIS.

im asking all my gelatin haters to reblog this. we cannot be shunned for our opinions ANYMORE.

[movefowardalways]

Music Hurts More Now

The music I listen to

It all reminds me of you

You introduced me into almost everything I listen to today

I listened to EMINEM because of you

As well as 50 Cent, not that I listen to him anymore, but when I hear his songs, it makes me sad

What a sad reminder of your existence

You were loved by me, I wish you knew, but how could you, 

I did you wrong many times

I was young

Unstable and I didn’t know how to fight for a place in life either

Utada Hikaru I know of her music because of you

You played Kingdom Hearts and you are the reason I still love and will always love those games, because of you

Linkin Park got me through many tough times in life, I want to thank you for introducing me into them

I am sure at one point in life they helped you as well, or maybe Fort Minor

I remember the day you told me about them, you were so excited that Mike was in Fort Minor as well

You knew he was so skillful, I know you looked up to him and Eminem

You had a love for Taylor Swift, no I never got into her music

I do remember your love for Bad Blood and you always played it on repeat

You just adored her

I do give you kuddos for liking her, she is a wonderful person and fights for all the rights that people deserve to have

Simple Plan I cant even play now, everytime I hear any of their songs, I start to cry

I miss you so much I wish I could see you one more time

I wish we could forgive each other

I do forgive myself, I do know I hurt you, hell our whole life was a mess

I wish you could see where I am in life

You would be so proud of me right now, you would be happy for me

Music just hurts now, it’s never hurt me as much as it has since. you been gone

Any song with a slight reminder of you, really chanhges my mood to sadness

I am more sad of your sadness then you not being here anymore

I know now, you can finally rest, you can be at peace, no more struggles, no more sadness, no more hate you have

I am glad in a way because i used to cry at night to not know where you were

To not know if you were ok or not

You played it off, always acting cool, like nothing was wrong

I knew you were hurting and I knew I couldnt do anything about it

We used to hum songs together and we each would have to guess who was humming yet. That was agreat childhood memory we had

I didnt have much words at your funeral, but I will slowly figure out the wrods to say to you here

I was in shock, I couldnt understand how you passed

It was unbelievable I couldnt comprehend it

I couldnt believe it

I seen your body and just looked at you waiting for you to wake up, hoping it was all just some huge prank that you were playing.

Reality kicked in when i had to leave, you were gone

I still cant comprehend it

I still cant believe that it is true

I havnt been able to sleep proper in months and I keep having nightmares, these will go away one day

I have to try to ignore a lot of what happened as I am in school, work, and have to take care of Damon

If I let your death get to me, I will lose control, I will ruin everything that I have worked so hard to accomplish in life

Yes ignoring it is not right either, but if I felt distant at your funeral or didnt talk a lot because I dont know how to handle it

I don’t know how to be ok with it

You are my brother, my older brother, I really looked up to you everyday.

You are gone and you be missed forever by me

No one will miss you as much as I do I hope you know that

My heart is breaking for you

To know your struggle, hell we both went through it in our own home, at school, growing up and being lost in the world was so hard

I figured it out, I got better, I got a job, went back to school

I am sorry that you cant be here today to see it and to see your self value.

I do LOVE You.

Rest in Peace, until we meet again brother.

#missyou #bigbrother #brother #tooyoung #toosoon #dontdodrugs #drugskill #ridtheworldofdrugs

[yourclownpal]

i kinda wanna die right now

im not doing anything with my life  except slowly rot 

my body hurts all the time, eating feels like a fucking burden because i feel like we gotta save food since my parents dont got a job snd im not old enough for one yet. im barely happy at home because of the fact that the government is slowly peeling away all my rights and a trans gay guy(pan but wtvr)

i literally have no fucking purpous i doubt i make anyone happy or inspire anyone even though that what i want to do

my personality is either mean or boring i cant seem to pick moms declining her need to go to a hospital because we dont have money. i havnt been to a dentist or an eye doctor in years because of money shit. we can aford therepy any more.

dispite all of this and the contrey going to fucking shit i shouldnt complane cause i got food drinks a roof clothes all the basic naccecitys + other stuff mom does to try to make me happy even when i tell her i dont need it because inknow that nothing like that will make me happy because nothing ever make s me happy not for a long run anyways any fandoms i join just like dad says ill get out of sooner or later so whats the point of buying merch or investing real time into them. i love my friends to death but even they cant make me happy because onc their gone i feel so alone again and theyll figure out im  not worth it and theyll leave and ill feel alone again forever. an d then ill never be happy ever again because life is fleeting and nbinm gonna die either way so why not speed up the fuckjing process. im so tired all the time no matter how much sleep i get even with a good sleep schedual and all the recomeded shit like water and sunlight im still fucking sad and tired and aching 

im a danger to myself i cant trust ficking anhthing  anymore i look at thing sand myn  firtsg thouogh  is  how can i use that to hurt myself.

even if i tell mom ive had thoughts of commiting suicide i dont think she evenn believes me even though i have scars and ive gotten so close to downing pills that ive had to physically hhrts  myself to stop myself, from hurting myslef??? they all thing im so,e big fuckinm liayrv just like my fuckinmg shit hole biological dad