#no i dont even know how to use a DAW

[toonheartz]

physically i have severe vertigo in bed mentally i am dropping sick tracks of some niche genre under an alias that looks like a punk mickey mouse

[mellotronmkll]

Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared

[mommahughes19-23]

Dawson Mercer H.C

-making up after a fight- and sum more

him smiling (not in a condescending way but like in a im listening and focused on you baby kinda way) while you explain how he hurt your feelings

he probably would be the type of bf who wouldn't want to take any time or space before working things out because youre his EVERYTHING and going to the rink or just walking away would drive him crazy

this man CANNOT play a game if you two haven't made up and the guys know it so they can tell when youre being stubborn

hes def talking to Nico or Jack about what happened bc he doesnt believe that you forgive him

"I'm so sorry my love, I should have never _______"

"Can we talk about it? I want us to grow from this"

Cuddles after talking it out

SMIRKY ASS BITCH WOULD ABSOLUTLEY FUCK U EVEN IF HE IS WRONG OMG

the guys telling him to make up with you already bc he is annoying them with his moping

"Daws can we talk, I know you dont like fighting."

if it was a bad fight and there was any crying on either part y'all are either taking a bath or shower and telling each other all the ways you are complete bc of them

if you guys got in a fight over text hes gonna excuse him self from the locker room and sort it out before he joins the practice

Dawson is not rude or condescending but he will let you know when youre out of line

"You know I love you more than breathing, but that was so not ok with me."

at the end of the day Dawson seems like he doesnt like to be in any sort of confrontation with anyone important in his life soooo he would do everything he could to avoid fighting in the first place

AN : ok hi here this is sorry it sucks but hope u like.

Tags : @lukey-pookie-hughes43 and @skylershines

[bmpmp3]

sometimes in academic-focused discussions about the concept of celebrity and parasociality and whatever I'll often see people use Miku as a framing device specifically as a hypothetical Perfect Celebrity, a virtual celebrity who can never do wrong and never gets tired, she will always say what you want to hear, etc. etc. and LIKE I UNDERSTAND why people are so engrossed in that idea, it's kind of what Crypton themselves push instead of focusing on software LOL (sorry im a little mean to them... well maybe things will change come august. crypton i am waiting. crypton i am waiting.)

but I feel like focusing so much on that is kind of buying into marketing a little too much? i really dont think that miku, from a media studies/visual culture/art historical standpoint at least, is akin to like a little digital lady gaga we can puppet for our own desires. i think that's missing the forest for the trees. in a visual culture sense, miku is much closer to that of like, a singing mickey mouse with much looser copyright restrictions LOL

the amount of videos ive seen and essays ive read that describe miku as like some kind of pawn that secretive anonymous actors force to speak for them and im like. okay i know this is rich coming from the guy in the miku jacket with the miku bag and cannot go 3 hours without googling a vocal synthesizer just to look at them BUT LIKE. i think we're overhumanizing her in this context like she's just a mascot you guys... its fun to think about some spooky scifi transhumanist concepts with her, but in the end she is a cartoon character representing the vocal equivalent of a piano VST in a DAW that regular people (not secretive anonymous actors with nefarious intentions) use to make their music and art

theres a lot of really interesting discussions on capitalism and all that with her as a framing device but like we neeeeed to focus on the real ass people making songs with her, illustrating her, manufacturing her merch, programming her software, etc. if we're talking about that 'cause like. again i am the person sleeping with the miku blanket with miku keychains attached to everything i own but like. she doesn't have feelings my dear academics. its okay for fans to focus on her emotions thats just what we do but my dear essay writer i found on jstor i need you to understand she is 1s and 0s. she is a mascot character. why are we focusing so much on her personal psychology.............. she doesnt have a braaaaaain..........

AND thats not to diminish the cultural impact of mascots, hell with my aforementioned mickey comparison i think we can realize just how much power a small illustrated character can have - its just i think you cant talk about a mascot the same way you talk about celebrity yknow... i just think theyre a little bit different even with some overlapping aspects and i think mascots need to be taken as they are, rather than pushed into a different media studies narrative. if that makes sense

[deedjre]

day 9 - relationships ! god. i have a lot to say about these three. the basics: trio of foils formerly in a love triangle (the triangle was solved). now they're two boyfriends and a third wheel that has dated both of them (they have all dated at some point. the reason polycule was not the answer is that john is aggressively monogamous in my mind). now where it gets really complicated is that they're all foils. these idiots are stuck repeating everyone's mistakes but they've escaped the loop now i think. still foils though.

(prompt list) incredibly detailed going through of how they're foils below. not really on dawsey's end.

okay. first off. names (left to right): John Rider (nicknamed Dick and Johnny boy by Colin), Colin James (nicknamed Jim by Dawsey), Dawsey Lennan Cessair (nicknames: Daws, D-Daws, that guy from the 500s (derogatory) (colin used to call him that)) We're getting into symbolism first. Because they're foils. John's main color is blue, Colin's is pink, and Dawsey's was red (through meeting John in highschool) and now it's purple. think the song Colors by Halsey. hopefully i dont have to explain that pink is an opposite to blue. john and colin are almost complete opposites. Quick detour: dawsey's name means soft/kind, his middle name means sweetheart/lover, and his last name is sorrow/affliction. now you know everything about him. the other two don't have names with meaning unless you count the nickname "dick" being bc john would comfort colin in a way that would be classed easily as "dickriding". back to it: they have animal symbolism too. john is a hare, colin is a great horned owl (his nickname in his writing group is owl), and dawsey is a bunny. a great horned owl is a predator of both of these, but the hare has a much better chance at defending itself from the owl than the bunny does. the bunny is naive.

physicality wise: john is bony (even when healthy) and appears very sickly. he has big, sunken eyes. all of his clothes are baggy on him, and he initially had much shorter hair when living with colin. i usually think of him as looking like a tim burton character. colin, on the other hand, has been fat his whole adult life. he is 6'4 (john and dawsey are 5'9). he always looks full of life despite having more relaxed eyes. his clothes, nowaday, have to be tailored specifically to fit him (thankfully he has money. unlike john. listen when i SAY they're foils-) and he ALWAYS has a mullet. i'm going to exacerbate this.

mullet haver since 8 years old. thats before john was even BORN (11 year age gap; they met when john was 23). which is incredibly funny to me. actually, just noticed this, he has a widow's peak where john has a part. back on track: john's features are more rounded while colin's are more squared. they. they kinda swap this lmao. anyway where does dawsey fit in? he's like john if he was healthy and nice. he and john are very similar. this is on purpose. design wise it was a coincidence actually. but them being similar is on purpose !!

now in terms of personality and other stuff: dawsey is the most normal. he's a sweet guy, usually tired. gets exasperated easily. mostly introverted. he has both parents. not the best of parents but i think he has both (his father is actually terrible though). john is very isolationist. he hates leaving his house, he hates talking, he hates everything social. this is mostly because he's insecure about his looks. have you seen those fear mongering anti smoking psas from the 2000s?? cause i have and honestly that's where i got the idea to give him a neck stoma. anyway they make neck stomas seem freaky which is kinda rude but the psas were effective, so. draw your own conclusion on ethics but either way it'd 100% make john self conscious. what was i talking about. anyway. john hates himself. but he also had a minor superiority complex. he too has both parents with his father being shittier. can you tell i have daddy issues. colin, on the other hand loves social interaction. he sucks ass at it but he loves talking to people and being praised. he's very confident in himself but he DOES have NPD so back when he was roommates with John, he was very low self esteem. in case you were wondering, john's response was "i can fix him" and then taught him how to mask better. colin got the groceries and he's not at all insecure about his body. almost always has a smile on. he, unlike the other two, lost his mother at a young age and hated his father, but his father was very caring towards him regardless.

now. dynamics. this is a dramatic tragedy romcom of a summarized backstory. dawsey and john dated in highschool. they dated in secret because it was the 2000s and even looking at a guy the wrong way could get you called gay in a derogatory manner. they had an okay relationship, very messy, but one day they got caught by Dawsey's father who then banned the two from seeing each other again. details not sorted out, but either john or dawsey wound up lashing out at the other after this. now. colin met john when they became roommates, and after a rough day at work he wound up crying within earshot of john which started their weird relationship. basically "and they were roommates" at its finest. they fell in love with each other but colin is used to transactional relationships, to say the least, so he didn't recognize this. dawsey shows up, colin and dawsey fall for each other, dawsey gets with a woman (love a bi king) who treats him poorly (colin notices this because he also treats dawsey poorly to a lesser extent and warns him heavily but dawsey ignores it). after daws realizes his mistake he goes back to colin (who basically spat in his face). now. go back a bit. colin left john at one point to room with dawsey. john was angry about this and was resentful towards dawsey (he did not know it was dawsey and dawsey did not know colin had a roommate or that the roommate was john). now. back to that rainy night (yes it was rainy when dawsey begged to stay at colin's place after running from his soon to be ex wife). the next day colin lashed the fuck out like "augh i loved you i just wante dyou to love me i thought we had something". and then he and dawsey were on tense terms. later john winds up. you're not gonna believe this but he lashes out at colin in the exact same way and then he moves upstate (they're in new york) and colin's like "oh i fucked up lashing out at daws and also i just realized i love this man where is he going". colin later repairs his relationship with dawsey but dawsey has a husband now so he opts to wait for john to reappear in his life (to his credit he was emailing john often). now. in the present (ten years later in 2027). he's close friends with dawsey, dawsey is close with him, john is a pathetic mess and is very much trying not to love colin so he doesn't repeat his mistake (he fails on both fronts), colin is like obsessed with john (these two bitches went from seeing only flaws in the other to idolizing the other), and john and dawsey are on semi tense terms but they're chill. so i hope you understand their dynamic from all of that.

Now FUCK Dawsey i wanna talk about how gay john and colin are. john had to cuddle colin EVERY night while he vented about how awful his life was. decently heavy stuff but also minor inconveniences too. john slept in the same bed as this man multiple times and was used as a teddy bear. they used to shower together but they had to stop. colin stopped smoking bc john didn't like it and actively noticed how upset john looked at bars, despite not being good with these kinds of things. john taught colin to donate to charity he was like "you'll look better if you donate. but don't brag about it or people will hate you". and colin is like a fucking puppy or some shit and managed to be coached into regularly donating to charities like that. john kept adding strawberries to the grocery list so colin started adding it himself and bought a strawberry perfume to wear. and he kept wearing it because john liked it. colin considered john to be the second best person behind himself (MASSIVE compliment). john used to wear a pair of colin's pajamas that were way too big on him and considered them his for the most part, but recognized them enough as colin's that he left them behind when leaving. colin proceeded to keep those pajamas and never wear them again because they're john's. he kept neck stoma care supplies around his house in case john ever came back to live with him. colin used john as his muse for his writing. all he did was write about his time with john and became a successful writer. colin was very distressed when john left and he became incredibly rash. john basically lost his ability to care for himself without colin. colin would put on space documentaries when leaving friends to their own devices out of habit because that's what john liked. when john finally went back to colin ten years later they still loved each other and fell back into routine near perfectly. they're so fucking gay.

[dead-byte]

tea.... how do people even make melodies and harmonies that dont sound bad??? 😭😭😭

Sheer force of homosexual will

Nah, but in all seriousness, w/ melodies I literally just listen by ear, and as you progress with the song, you tend to get a sense for how the melody tends to progress. It also helps to know what key the song is in.

As for harmonies, it’s mostly matter of figuring out exactly WHAT harmonies you need. Like, usually harmonies comes in one of a number of varieties. +/-3 semitones, +/-6 semitones, +/-8 semitones, +/- a full octave, or just flattened harmonies where they’re all just one note. Sometimes you even need multiple at once. Then once you’ve figured out which ones you need, you adjust the notes of the harmonies to match the key of the main track.

And then… they still often sound a little bad, until you get them into a DAW. Mixing is where they start getting to sound half-decent. As long as they don’t sound like a dissonant Power-Rangers monster, you should be about ready to start mixing… hopefully.

One trick I like to use to tell is to listen to the harmony track(s) on its own with the instrumental. If the harmonies sound good as a solo track with the instrumental, then you’re probably good. It’s okay if it’s a little awkward, what you want to be looking out for is dissonance. If it just sounds straight-up wrong, that’s probably a good indicator to re-work your harmonies a bit.

[nataliedrawz]

heya!!!! happy 200!!!!!! can i please request an x reader?? if you dont mind?????? id like maybe an emu x reader with fluffy cuddles and tickles, maybe the reader has stage fright???? youre amazing, keep on smiling <3

Stage Fright

A/N: Hello! This was a really cute request, thank you for being the first to request something for the event! I will always stay smiling, and so should you!<3

"Hey Y/N! Are you alright over there?" Asked the concerned pink haired girl, Emu.

This situation happened after Emu had insisted in doing some practice, little did she know that you had a humongous amount of stage fright, especially when it came to performing your solo infront of millions of people. She insisted in letting Rui, Nene and Tsukasa act like her audience to help start it off, but quickly changed her mind when she saw you freeze up altogether.

"Y/N, I know it's hard, but we need to figure something out to help you calm down! Maybe we can play a game? Go for a stroll in the park? Anything to help you ease down!" Insisted Emu, her index finger tapping her chin in a thinking pose, "Maybe I can pull some silly faces! Tsukasa and Rui used to do that when I was nervous, it helped me calm right down!" Chuckled Emu, the thought making her sigh in happiness.

No matter how hard she thought, she couldn't help but frown a slight bit, "We could do some baking? Mum used to do that for me when I was down! Or she'd- wait, that's genius!" She paused at the thought, earning a head tilt from you out of pure confusion. "My mum used to tickle me before I performed too! Do you mind?" She asked, her holding your hands gently up to her face, kissing the back of your left habd reassuringly, "I'll be gentle, but if you don't like it, I won't continue, okay?"

"Okay." Was all you said, but that one word out of you made her entire body shake like an excited puppy, immediately making you smile. How could you be so lucky to have such a sweet friend like her? You didn't know, but it was pure luck.

"C'mon, we don't have all day!" She grabbed your arm, dragging you to the nearest lounge. It was comfortable as usual, but the fact you two were together made it feel even safer. "Alright! So, where do we start off?" She asked, rubbing her hands together and inching them towards you with interest. "Maybe we could start he-EHere!?" You giggled out of surprise as she immediately tazed at your side's, the unexpected movement making you curl up immediately, "Daw! You're really cute when you do that! It's almost like you weren't expecting me to immediately oblige!" She smirked, a teasing tone lighting up your nerves ever so slightly more. She started with gentle tazing to gentle yet excruciatingly slow circles against your side's, only lighting up your quickly reddening face.

"Aw, you're already so red! Does it ticki-ticki-tickle?~" She cooed, emphasizing with slight squeezes, "yEheHes! Ihit does!" You strained, making her gasp, "No way, don't hold back your laugh on me! I love it when you laugh freely!" She let out her bottom lip, reassembling a pout with large puppy dog eye's. Seriously, why was she so good at that!?

"Oh no, looks like the tickle monster is.. getting.. stronger! I can't hold.. it back any... longer.. rah!" She blew a small raspberry into the crook of your neck, making you gaffaw from the highly unexpected change of pattern. Her hands movements were light and precise, but her raspberries? Heck no! "Hey, don't you even dare try that! Bring them back down!" even if you went to try and pull your hand up to try and push her away, she'd take advantage and race her fingertips there and scribble to no end until you brought them back down. "GYaHahahAH! Dohon't yohOHou- AiHEHE!?" You immediately wrapped your arm's around yourself, Emu gasping, "Oh my goodness, you really are super ticklish!" She giggled, "Hey! You feeling better?" She asked, hoping it helped out even the slightest. "Actually.. I don't feel scared at all no more." You smiled, hugging her, "But I'm so getting you back one day!" You chuckled, "looking forward to it!" She patted your back, maybe you could return the favor some day.

[maximuswolf]

I feel like my musical creativity got worse over time

I feel like my musical creativity got worse over time I got really into composition in my senior year of high school 3 years ago when I took AP Music Theory class. Having played piano my whole life, I started with writing piano sheet music using MuseScore, writing short piano compositions that I could play on my piano. I have a pretty good ear (perfect pitch + years of classical training) and with the exercises from the AP Music Theory class (things like harmony, voice leading, chord resolutions & dissonance, etc) I felt like composition came really natural to me, and I sort of just wrote whatever that sounds nice based on ear only. At some point I got more interested in producing actual streamable tracks so I got on FL Studio and played around with its piano roll and started making lots of instrumental tracks. I don't really like it when people call my music "beats" since all work is melodical and I dont really categorize myself as a beatmaker producing these YouTube "Type beats" (those that just finds some sample online and throws bunch of 808s and drums). I spent a lot of time crafting melodies, harmonizing them and etc.Something weird that I noticed over time, however, is that the creativity wears off and over time I would resolve to what I call a "lazy writing", which means I sort of repeat the same chord progressions. It wasn't like I would set out and tell myself that I would use a certain chord progression (since I was writing entirely based on my ear only), but weirdly enough I would sort of always repeat same patterns. I think it's because my brain sort of got trained on common chords that come next and I would always resort to what I think is the best sound, which always happened to be the same thing. This led me to trying out writing for vocal music instead, because it felt like I could no longer write good original melodies as I had once been able to for purely instrumental /compositional tracks (this is a really weird experience -- even though I am better at using DAW now, I honestly think my high school self had the best musical creativity). I did find success in doing this because all vocal music tends to follow very common underlying progressions and the creativity comes from sound design and mixing, and not really the underlying chords. So this "lazy writing" actually worked out perfectly, since I could resort to the common patterns and the music would still sound good when the right vocals come on. Few days ago I dropped a first vocal track and lot of my friends told me it's my best song so I plan on continuing to write more vocal music for now.I just wanted to share this sort of bizarre experience I've had as a musician over time, of how my creativity seems to have gotten worse, although I would say my overall skills have gotten better. The "technical" skills in production, such as knowing the ins and outs of DAWs, mixing & mastering and etc definitely seem to only go up (improve) over time, but to me the musical creativity and the ability to write original melodies / compositions seem to fluctuate weirdly. I would love to know if anyone sort of has a similar experience. Submitted October 31, 2024 at 12:11AM by Prestigious_Leg_7046 https://ift.tt/njtg70s via /r/Music

[alyssalikestoreadbooks]

Nine Month Contract - Amy Daws

"I wanted to pummel my irritating brothers when they posted their own version of a wanted ad to help me with my life.

But I can’t fault the results once the right woman lands on my lap. Becoming a single father is not a decision I made lightly. In fact, it’s the biggest decision of my entire life. Which is why when I interview Trista, I know she’s perfect. She’s wild, she’s opinionated, she wears cowboy boots. Even my pet goat loves her… She’s the exact type of person I was holding out for.

And to my great horror, I realize on our first night of attempting this baby making dance…when the lights are low, the cheap wine is flowing, and the home insemination supplies are laid out on the kitchen counter… I want to do a lot more than just make her my surrogate. I want to make her mine."

Read Date - May 2024

Length - 358 pages

Genre - Romance, Contemporary, Plus Size

Rating - 6/10

Stars - ★★★☆☆

Notes - i should probably start off by saying that pregnancy is a special interest for my autism, so this book was CALLING for me. I NEEDED it, and i kept putting off reading it because i had so many books to read before this one. The writing style is very modern and can even come off a bit stiff at times, but im not mad about it. It corrects itself as the book futhers along, so the stiffness really comes off as New-Book-Troubles where starting off can be overwhelming with so many new characters. The way they proceeded about it was the stiff part but after introductions, its super smooth. They use the word Rizz more than once and i dont know how i feel about that. i think once the two finally move in and get in the process of planning and proceeding with the pregnancy, the book really starts to fill out. It wasn’t what i expected. i love the different twists and turns of the book, and the way it sets up the pregnancy. i think the romance building between the two is so sweet and i literally couldn't get enough of it, i was smiling so hard. i’ve never seen a possessive relationship written in a way that wasn’t completely toxic, and its clear to see that Wyatt has his own trauma in regards to women. I think its very well written, and gets the point across clearly for me personally. its very realistic without crossing boundaries. i think watching the both characters grow and move past their trauma’s is really important, and watching them both stop becoming controlling people its extremely interesting to watch take place.

[lucymarion]

i love you and i (wont) wait

i went swimming with my friends kagabi at like 7pm to 4am. it was nice, tubigan was... small. i have this perception ng tubigan na malaki kasi the last time I was there i was still small. pagbalik ko kahapon i was shocked na maliit lang pala hahahaha

the real reason im writing this is because of sherlock. i think im suffering from another friendship break up. i think we're outgrowing each other. and it sucks so bad kasi i go through my fyp on tiktok and i see his reposts and it reminds me of the sherlock i loved. his humor was still there and all the things i adored pero it's like getting overshadowed by something else i cant digest. and i feel so bad right now because i just took him off of my close friends list.

turns out i was lying here

i arrived sa tubigan ng mga 6pm to reserve a cottage tapos by 7pm nasa loob na ko. i was messaging all of them to come na and I was patiently waiting tapos he messaged sa gc na he was going to be late. ok lang hanggang 4am naman kami dun. come 7:30 apat na kami dun meron paring 5 expected guests na kulang. ok sure. dumating na yung tatlo. i messaged sa gc na if susunod kayo then diretso nalang sa cottage edi swimming na kami. after ilang minutes balik kami cottage to check if papunta na sila. no replies. i messaged yung isang guest if pupunta mo ba sila ni sherlock he said hindi daw siya tutuloy, inupdate niya din daw si sherlock abt that. i was pissed kasi ???? 1) bakit hindi manlang naginform si sherlock about dun 2) the fee for the cottage was split for 9 people. pero ok lang kasi like this person so i wished him well nalang. moments later sherlock informed the gc that he was drunk and he wouldn't be joining anytime soon. it was weird as fuck dahil una he literally said sa gc na he cancelled plans for this swimming and pangalawa kumpleto kami. pero ok sige. i really dont want to ruin my vibe kasi i was really having a great time so sige. until mga madaling araw we were talking na sa may gilid ng pool and we were discussing shit about sherlock and it turns most of us felt weird na about him about how he changed and about how he treats and views his friends. i really felt sick to my stomach and my throat was closing up kasi winsiwjjsjsn this wasnt the friend i had in dati??? hindi ito yung kausap ko sa gmeet years ago????? hindi din to yung naging kaibigan ko nung grade 7.

grabe how time can drastically change a person. i dont even know that person anymore. i looked through his socmed accounts and i was shocked to realized na nothing's really connecting us anymore. i could just sever everything now. unfriend him soft block him on ig and twitter. take him off my dumps and my close friend lists. i could block him on tiktok. i could restrict him on Facebook and messenger and never contact him again. i could pick the galas i would participate to and never see him again. i could do it. it wouldn't matter anymore kasi we're not friends anymore. i dont want to be friends with him anymore.

anybody could be reading this and think ay nalate lang sa gala f.o. na GIRL hindi this has been accumulating for months na and this is probably my last straw. ayoko na umasa na maybe in this gala i would see the friend i know again. na maybe if i talk more sa gc the boy i loved in the gmeets the gc did in 2021 would resurface. na maybe he'd add me on that fucking frens highlight sa ig niya which was a huge blow to me btw kasi i was there dati pero ngayon for no reason wala na ako (just checked while typing this wala talaga ako ANYWHERE.) waiting is futile. hes not here anymore

rest in peace to us bj (he doesnt even want to be called like this anymore LOLOLOLOLOL) 2017-2024

it was nice to be ur friend. i love you forever

[sentheiments]

Dear you, ✨

Hi again! Im so excited to write you a letter today! Waahh God has been so good with me. He allowed me to journey my unknown feelings towards you with a trusted friend, grabe si Lord! Praise Jesus.

I told this friend about everything — literal everything that has happened to us. Would you believe it, she actually prophesied that we have a future together. Haha anu daw? I dont want to believe it, I denied it at first but as the pull of impression was so strong, I eventually acknowledge it. God is good to the both of us, because while you are there loving someone else, and I am here extremely discouraged of our possibility of being together, He taught me to love you.

This is how my conversation with God went,

Me: “Lord parang ayuko maniwala. Ksi parang impossible naman non. Di nga ako gusto non eh, so bakit ako mag eexpect?”

Lord: (in a still small voice) “Love him, not because gusto mo. Love him, because sinabi ko. Paano ba ang love?

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures throughevery circumstance.’ —‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4‬-‭7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Love does not always mean you are being reciprocated. You love because I love you, and you understand how I love.”

Oh dba? I love you agad! 😂 Seriously, today I have this great realization, the lesson that I learned here is that loving people is expressing our faith to the Lord. We love them anyways even if it gets messy. Even if they dont feel the same. We continue to be kind and patient to them because we dont know their burdens. We never lose our hope, we endure, and stay hopeful. So there, even if you dont feel the same, even if it hurts, I will love you because the Lord said so.

Just to make sure, I asked the Lord again in prayer. Because the situation that I have in mind is far from my ideal perception about me falling in love.

“Ano naman benefit sakin Lord if mamahalin ko yun kahit di ako mahal. Parang unfair naman non Lord.”

The Lord replied and gave me this verse,

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.”

‭—Luke‬ ‭6‬:‭32‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Awesome! This is so freeing for me that God is teaching me to love you without reservation. The kind of love which has no hindrances, which means I dont look through the lenses of our circumstances, my or your lapses as a human being because of my trauma, but to the overflowing love of Christ. Amazing! This is my first time being in love! Waahh it felt great.

This kind of love is selfless and is not self serving because I am really assured that I will be okay regardless if you’re going reciprocate my love for you. I will love you anyway. But if you ever choose to be with someone else (which wag naman ksi by thinking about it, It really hurts). My assurance is I will be okay. For now, I am going to obey the Lord. I will be contented in loving you from afar, while you are hurting. I am contented loving you here, while you are out there grieving for others. I pray that this time, you will heal and be found completely whole in God’s perfect love. Now I can confidently say, you are the second man that I will ever love, syempre Jesus will always be my first, nevertheless, I am proud and confident to say to you — I love you with the love of Jesus. ✨❤️

[gremzon]

All that I wanted to tell you is that it's not a good idea to go on people's post and comments this way- even if it wasn't your intention, it comes off as unvalidating. I was just making a point on how 99% of "asexual positivity" posts revolve around "ace people can still engage and enjoy sex!" And it's extremely rare nowaday to find posts that validate repulsed asexual. All that I'm saying is, you got a lot of posts with people with the same experience as you. But don't go around posts from people with the opposite experience as you, who are desperately trying to seek reassurance, and just dismiss them- voluntarily or not. 

I know "this is the internet" blablabla, but yes, it is, indeed, the internet, and you can go in asexual tags and find people who relate to you- dont go on the only repulsed-ace posts, even if you didnt have bad intentions. "This is the internet" doesn't excuse people for having a poor behaviour. We have next to no "safe space", and even if it wasn't your intention, things like this hurts us more than you can realise. I'm just telling you to do better, because this isn't at all what you should do. 

I'm going to make an extreme comparison but to me it feels the same as if I made a post venting about my dying dog, and you replied with something like "well my dog is fine". Good for you, but it isn't at all what the original poster needs to hear right now, and it does more harms than good, even if all you wanted to do is try to be positive. 

This isn't an attack on you, your identity or your experience. I'm simply telling you that there are things that you shouldn't do, online spaces or not. 

If you want a post that's brutally honest about how we feel, read this:

In honour of ace week, and because I don't hear it enough:

REPULSED ASEXUALS EXISTS AND ARE AS VALID AS OTHERS

IT'S OK TO BE DISGUSTED BY SEX

IT'S OK TO NEVER WANTING TO DO IT

VIRGIN ISNT AN INSULT

YOU DON'T NEED AN EXCUSE TO NOT LIKING OR WANTING IT

SEX ISN'T WHAT MAKES US HUMAN

IT ISN'T VITAL

IT'S NOT SHAMEFUL TO NEVER DO IT

YOU DON'T NEED TO "TRY IT" TO KNOW THAT YOU HATE IT

IT'S NOT CHILDISH TO BE GROSSED OUT BY IT

IT'S FINE IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT IT

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT AND PEOPLE SHOULD RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES

YOU ARE NOT BROKEN EVEN IF PEOPLE INSIST THAT YOU ARE

FUCK APHOBES AND FUCK PEOPLE WHO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE WHO HATE SEX

YOU AREN'T ANY LESS VALID

WHEN SOMEONE IS BEING APHOBIC, INSTEAD OF SAYING "BUT SOME ACES DO ENJOY SEX", SAY "IT ISN'T AN ISSUE NOT WANTING IT"

YOU ARE SO VALID IF YOU ARE A REPULSED ACE PLEASE NEVER FORGET THAT!!!!

PEOPLE ARE JUST BEING CREEPS IF THEY INSIST THAT YOU MUST DO IT

IT'S OK IF YOU'RE NOT THE STEREOTYPICAL "ASEXUAL WHO WRITES SMUT AND MAKES SEX JOKES"

IT'S OK SKIPPING UNCOMFORTABLE SCENES IN MOVIES AND SHOWS

IT'S OK TO NEVER DO IT IN YOUR LIFE

THE WHOLE "OLD PERSON WITH CATS" ISNT EVEN AN INSULT CUZ IT SOUNDS DOPE AF NGL

ALSO IT'S OK TO BE MAD WHEN YOU HEAR PEOPLE CLAIMING HOW GOOD SEX IS AND ALL THE "IT'S HEALTHY" BULLSHIT BECAUSE NO YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DIE EARLIER BECAUSE YOU DON'T DO IT

ALSO ITS NOT A SHAMEFUL THING TO NOT DO ANYTHING YOURSELF EITHER

AND ITS ALSO OK IF YOU EVEN STRUGGLE TO SPELL SOME WORDS OUT BECAUSE OF YOUR REPULSION

IF YOU'RE AN ADULT YOU'RE VALID AND YOU DON'T NEED TO DO IT IN ORDER TO BE VALID AS AN ADULT

YOU'RE NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING

YOU ARE QUEER ENOUGH !! YOU DESERVE A PLACE IN THE LGBT COMMUNITY, AND YOUR VOICE DESERVES TO BE HEARD!!

[issafterglow]

a cry for help — march 26

charot that's not true

okay maybe just a bit

pero lately ang gulo gulo ng utak ko

even now idk what to do with myself

remember when i said i started writing again?

yeah i messed that shit up as soon as i got a compliment from a reader. it's like the walls i built for myself suddenly came crashing down tapos ayun, got ahead of myself and it felt like i failed ultimately my own expectations. i really need a reminder na i'm not here to please a single soul. i write because it helps me tell something i couldn't bring myself to say. i write because it helps me and only me. i shouldn't be swayed by words :( and yet i am tanginang yan why kasi words of affirmation ang love language ko :((

anyway a lot has happened (again) ik my life is just full of shit like that. you know once, horoscope said march would be full of changes... didn't realize it would be this change it's so fucked up talaga i'm starting to lose my fixation with astrology emsz anyway ayun just one random day, may tumawag sakin and since this year i'm all about putting myself out there and not dropping calls from unregistered numbers, sinagot ko yung tawag and guess what: prof ko sya. pota diba 😭 di daw nya macontact iba kong kaklase and surprise surprise !! ako ang napag diskitahan :( anyway since hindi ako nagbabasa i had to tell our class pres turns out same lang pala yung sinabi ko sa inannounce nya hahdhshaha tangina dba pahiya konti bukas bawi xD epic fail talaga pero since nasabi ko na dito kung gaano ako nahihiya i guess i can start getting over it starting today.

anyway di lang yon ang ganap. SO thursday sinipag ako maglaba teh im likeee okay maglaba tayo, walang klase, walang gawain, so let's make ourself useful and finally do the laundry. eh kaso bago pa ako makapag laba nag lapag ng reporting sched yung prof ko and guess what sa april 1 agad kami 😻 hahahaha sometimes i just love it that my surname starts with a /hj. so yun malas. and i can say that out loud now kasi parang walang pake yung mga kagrupo ko i dont think they realize just how much we need to report for this subject and sabi pa nung prof maximum 1 hour daw dapat kami mag report. suddenly i'm fine with it actually as long as mag cooperate lang sila kasi i was reviewing the class lecture kanina and it doesn't have to be so hard naman pala. you just have to study and listen. eh paano yung isa si absent tas yung isa si date :( sana all diba pa-event and jowanism lang inaatupag chz ang sama ko naman :( it's the anxiety speaking dont mind me :((((

ayaw ko talagang kumilos pero it looks like if di ako mag initiate ng convo wala ring mangyayari samin eh :( so ayern idk naa kung may matatapos ba kami pero i hope all goes well bago ako mag relapse nanaman. anyway may need pa akong basahing instructional material tonight para magsasagot nalang ako bukas pero inuna ko talaga mag rant kasi i have no one elese to tell all these about 😅😅 baka kase wala din sila sa right headspace to listen to me eh :(

kaya ayun guess i'm on my own. sayang. REALLY wanna read a novel tonight but i guess i'd have to pass for now. i someday i wish i could talk to someone about books. someday i wish i could proudly say "uy i wrote that story." someday, hopefully.

wish me luck!

may the stars align.

[feelingsareinsane]

Okay. One thing at a time. Since i cant sleep cause i had iced coffee and milktea today. Im FULLY CAFFEINATED.

The following events are just about giani. Hahaha so bare with me.

First event:

I chatted him, asking about how to apply for an australian visa, but turns out his tita was the one who filled out the forms and all so he doesnt really know haha. I really needed some advice on the visa but mostly i just used it as an excuse to talk to him :> anyway, we continued talking, and he told me “sayang wala ka nung halloween, andun din sila rods!” To which i replied i didnt go cause of whole blacklist drama thing so i didnt feel comfortable going. And also, i wasnt invited. At least sila pat were invited talaga. And then he just said “next time ha sama ka na” :>>> idk if that had other meaning to it but hehe kinilg si ate.

Second event:

It’s giani’s bday! Nov5. I greeted him on ig. And then i said “di ko alam bat july iniisip ko bday mo” and he replied with “baka july bday ng crush mo” tapos sabi ni alyssa i shouldve said “apparently nov pala” HAHAH imagine if i did. WAAAH idk how he’d react tbh. Pero di ko kaya my gosh. We ended up talking about harry potter, third eyes, mythical creatures, ghosts, divination. Haha this boi has so much stuff going on, i love it.

Third event:

He 🔥 reacted to one of my ootd stories :>

Fourth event:

This one is kinda sad. So sam, from Klick died on Nov5, so pat and monet were asking if we wanted to go to the wake (Nov7) so i said g. It was just gonna be the three of us. And then on the day, monet said that jaika and dads was gonna join so i said cool. I go about my day and i realized i had so much work to finish, so i was thinking of not going anymore, so i told sila pat. Tapos right after i said that i felt kinda guilty that inuuna ko yung work sa patay. So i was gonna take it back and then biglang nag chat si pat na sasama daw si giani. I thought it was a joke until giani himself chatted me on discord and asked if we’re at digitank na. So i was like WOW LEGIT NGA SASAMA SI KOYA. So i was thinking na 2 cars kami cause knowing dads may car sya tapos may car din si pat. So when pat when to pick me up biglang THEY WERE ALL IN PAT’S CAR EVEN GIANI. Giani went down the car so i can come in a sit (giani, me, jaika, monet nagsiksikan sa likod) wala pala si dads haha. So were at the funeral, me and giani were sitting next to each other and he asked me about my mom, which was nice that he remembered and i was just talking to him lang about that. Tapos na distract ako ni patoo cause she talked about her new gf. Pero i asked giani, like no offense pero bakit sya lang yung sumama, wala yung southville peepz nya. He said that jaika called him if gusto nyang sumama (and he was at home pa ah) and he said okay. Idk lang if he asked kung sinong sasama haha pero he wasnt really that close with sam. But i guess same naman i just wanted to pay respect to her. But anyways, i think he knows na kasama ako cause he did chat me. Well anyways, going back home we sat in the same places so i was beside giani again HIHI :> nagaaya sila na mag inuman but i did hve to do so i said no even though i wanted to go badly. They ended up going to molito for drinks and dinner. I chatted pat to make sure monet doesnt drink alot baka she’ll say something about my crush kay giani like what happened to jul during our post xmas party.

Fifth event:

Video calling with pat and monet (with jaika and dads with her sa bahay nya) we were talking about buying tickets to korea for next year. Idk how it got there pero monet mentioned “behaved” daw sya sa gabi na yung about my crush kay giani. SHE SAID IN FRONT OF JAIKA AND DADS. So syemre nagulat sila haha they were like “may gusto ka kay giani??” Sabi ni jaiks, “alam mo nafeel ko eh nung nasa wake tayo parang may something kayo eh” and in my mind i was like huh. I kept it so cool, well i thought i did. All we did was talk lang naman. Nothing crazy…hhaha i dont think i showed any signs na i liked him. Pero jaika insisted na may naramdam lang syang something kaya piniliy nya na itabi kami ni gi sa car hahaha. WHICH I LOVE THANK YOU JAIKA FOR THAT. But idk if sakin nya lang na feel yung vibes or even pati kay gi may nafeel rin sya. Idk. Pero kilig pa rin me. I dont really mind if jaiks and dads knows. Wala naman na ako sa digitank so if gusto nila mag chismis then go ahead. I dont want giani to feel awkward tho kaya im not really being aggressive with it. If he likes me then he should make a bit more of an effort din so i know haha.

Yun lang kwento ko so far. HAHA

Love,

Kaila

11.30.2022, 3:05am

[its3oe]

hey i love your music, the retro sound is so cool. how do you make it if you dont mind answering? ive always wanted to make music but i have no idea where i should start

Hi thank you yes I always love sharing anything ever. I use LMMS as my DAW (DIGITAL AUDIO WORKSTATION) because its open sourcec and that's awesome it's sort of finicky and weird but I have learned to have fun with it. I use a bunch of soundfonts mostly older nintendo stuff (there's a very nice general midi n64 one floating around somewhere that I am partial to) because then I don't Really have to worry about sound engineering like the big boys do if I'm just dicking around with stuff like that. https://plugins4free.com/instruments/ < this guy is also your friend for finding funny new sounds.

For actually Getting Started there are sooo many ways to do this. If you feel up to it you can start learning theory from youtube or something but I kind of never bothered and I just know some basics but I do pretty much everything by ear. You can do this too if you want. Anyone can! (And in addition to this LMMS has a function where you can mark scales. I don't use it but I know some people love it. You can always use tools to help because it's good to. I'm just insane and do things the hard way.) I would also reccomend listening to music you like and trying to pick out things they did and copying it/just puzzleing out in your head how it works and untangling all the little elements and how they all work together. I'm obsessed with like, NES era follin brothers stuff/anything Jeroen Tel and it's what got me into making music using chip trackers in the first place and when I get stuck I like to take a break and listen to other stuff I know i like to refresh my brain

Watching youtube videos about stuff can also help you get into the general workflow. Even if the videos are people working in "Nice" software like fruity loops or ableton much of the content in any of the good ones is applicable more generally even if you have to do some translation to jerry-rig it in LMMS Your music WILL sound like ass at first but never let that stop you. I have so many disgusting sounding files and I treasure them and feed them beautiful meals at dinner the same as all my others &and it's important to just mess around and have fun and not get too down if you're dissatisfied with something because music really is just something you pick up on with experience!!!! Always remember to have fun

[greenficsworld]

• Book • Part 9

gwi nam x reader

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( author : sorry for posting late i have a bunch of modules to finish and a bunch of clothes to fold because kakaselpon ko daw at tamad daw ako pero this is it , this is really really is it is it ☘️😃 enjoy )

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( Readers Pov )

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I tugged his sleeves trying to stop him even onjo was trying to stop him but he only threw us backwards i groaned when i landed to the ground i arch my back from the pain he did the girls helped me to stand up as the guys were helping cheong san while he and suhyeok were fighting...

I stand up looking at the both them as he also threw suhyeok down to the ground as he started talking ....

" who are you " he said , " what the hell are you , are the one from the one heart club " daesu said to him..

" it's me yeah , you dont know ?? , how the f do you not know me !? " he said to them quite angry ...

" i know you , i said it many times before , you are the bullies gopher " cheong san tells him gwi nam look at him angrily ...

" if you said the one more time , I'll kill you " he said to him raising his hands making us step back , as they were arguing and scaring each other he even tells us we all can go except cheong san dang the audacity , " you are all dead " ....

They started fighting again even the others were stopping him but they were only threw away i got a stick and threw it at him he look at both me and my brother i shook he threw us again but this time it hurts more since a nail scratch me making a line of scratch appear in my forearm ....

I quickly tear some of my shirt and use it as a bandage to it i groaned both back and my upper arm hurt i look at gwi nam going towards suhyeok but nam ra quickly hit him with a wood that was from the fire , they began fighting as gyeong su helped me to stand up ...

Nam ra and him was still fighting for a good 19 minutes she won throwing him off the rooftop i go towards them seeing gwi nam fall of the ground mumbling something and eventually standing up i scoff and rubbed my ears gyeong su stopped me and shook his head i just looked down ...

( Time Skip )

We have sat around the fire talking about gwi nam i just stay silent and listen to them i didn't even want to talk to them since what happened i just got the book and started reading it again since there was nothing to do ....

Suddenly they stop talking " did you guys hear that " , nam ra asked we all look at her saying what and what is it suddenly there is like a whirring sound in a distance that can be hear cheong san stand up ...

We all stand up and see a helicopter oh god a helicopter we now began making sounds to let them hear us so that we can now be save we were jumping up and down just to let them notice ...

" hey!!! " , " here " " sir!!!! " we all said to let them know there were still survivors us ....

We were so excited but that excited won't last forever when one soldier said ...

" get down !!! , all of you get down " the soldier said

We all got down scared to fight seeing guns if we didn't obey we will all be killed they were checking our temperatures i got worried what if they find out that nam ra was a zombie i scratch my ears ...

They go down to see if there were any other survivors when they got down we heard gunshots and zombie screaming well we hope that they wouldn't get bitten too ...

We all sat down and rest a little bit a few minutes or like 1 hour they all got back up they stated that we all need to go up the chopper one by one , the first one to go up was ji-min she was going up but the one soldier who caught my eye was talking to someone ..

I looked at him seeing he was kind of frustrated and kind of screaming i heard they were just children , does it mean they wouldn't save us they were now getting worried since they were pulling jimin down ....

" sir is this about someone in the camp if it is we can help you right guys " i asked them they were nodding with tears in they're eyes " just please sir take us up " we all pleased but he just shoot up towards the sky ...

We all cry since we didn't even do anything " if this what your captain say to you all say to him we don't need your help we can go there by ourselves " i cry to the soldiers gyeong su pulling me " y/n stop it shh shh please come on " gyeong su told me i calmed down abit ....

I sat down rubbing my ears making them more redder and cry i hugged gyeong su since he was the one comforted me hyo-ryeong started speaking i explained to her ...

" no we will just go to the camp by ourselves , it's they're fault not checking the survivors properly but didn't i told you all we still needed to find the herbs we just keep continuing ok " i say to her and hugged her crying as well with her ....

We all sat down already calm but this time it wasn't us that was calm the weather was it was thundering and raining we were all happy but if nam ra couldn't handle the loud sound might as well as gwi nam i remembered when ...

( Flashback Times !! : 14 age )

My family and gwi nam's family was having a dinner our family was very close with each other since my mom's friend was gwi nam's mom i was inside my room listening to music i didn't even notice that someone entered my room until ...

" boo " someone whisper making me flinch i look at who it was and it was gwi nam i punched his arm since he know my fear i glared at him and he just laughs i sigh and put my earphones back ...

" jerk " i mumble quietly " what did you say ?? " he said intimidately i look at him quite scared but just stare at him like some sort of clown ...

I took of my earphones and look at my window raining but the rain was getting louder and it started thundering too i look at my phone seeing a text from my mom saying that they will stay here for the night since it was raining and thundering loudly and you can call it a storm ....

I sigh and look at gwi nam beside me hugging me i giggle at his cuteness i hug him back since when we were kids he was scared of storms i supported him in my bed and lay down getting my earphones to put some music on to make him relax ....

I rubbed his back making him more calmer and after that i heard snores beside me i wish this would never end i hope one day he would change and just say sorry for what he have down a caress his soft hair looking at his wrist with the promise bracelet i made i chuckle and drifting off to sleep ...

( Flashback end!!! : i was thinking that making y/n kiss him while he sleeps but i just don't want it to be super fast alangan sagad sagadin ko sila mag kiss diba anyways back to the story )

I smiled at the thought of that wherever he is inside the school i hope he can calm himself down i just enjoyed the rain while humming the song that we always both play whenever rain comes i hummed and hummed...

I look at everyone happy even though we still haven't eaten we were still ok at this state just to drink water will prove the captain wrong every problems can be solved ...

Suddenly they were crying i understand what they feel it was hard in this age we have to survive this situation ....

" pssst y/n " i look at who it was and it was gyeong su " yeah " i answered him " you ok you seem happy " he tells me i just shook my head slightly ...

We all began planning our escape here since we just couldn't stay here forever we all partnered up me and gyeong su i look at dae su and hold his hands as well " this is just for your safety dumbo " i say to him he look at me smiling widely ....

We all left gyeong in my left while daesu in my right hand we all go down quietly down the stairs daesu closed the door making some noise we all shush him up ....

" sorry , sorry my bad " he said ...

As we got down i see an arnis bag with two arnis stick inside i quickly took it since i have learned arnis in my elementary days ....

( author : i did arnis when i was 11 to 12 our team won wah great memories tapos sasabi ng pagbibigay pugay so proud 🥲 anyways back to the story 😃 )

I put it in my shoulders we all go down quickly so no zombies would see us we go down the hall , we are now going along the wall quickly we got to the truck and go under it we were crawling actually we were waiting for cheong san but then ......

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( author : i am really sorry for the long wait its just that my modules kept me up alot of it and more chores from both my parents but here ya go and enjoy and have a lucky day please like and follow for more ☘️😃 )

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