#no i didnt think out all the details lol
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tennessoui ¡ 2 years ago
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ok we knew it was coming here is 3k of this based on the tags where anakin leaves the college, eight years pass, and he writes a book about his time at jedi college and being with obi-wan specifically. sorta dark but mostly just allusions:
(3.2k) (only the italicized bits are in first person ok just trust me)
Everyone knows about the university on the outskirts of Jedha. Not because of its high academic standing or because of its beautiful campus or top-of-the-line staff, its sports teams or its student life.
Everyone knows about it because that’s where everyone wants to go, even if most people will never even step onto the campus. 
Even if most people know Jedi College is not for them. They want anyway, despite the tuition rates, despite the dreariness of the weather, despite the loneliness of the college, situated as it is in the hills miles away from the formal boundaries of Jedha.
The wealthiest echelon of society sends their children there with the knowledge that they’ll probably never open a single textbook and still pass with flying colors. 
That’s the best lesson Jedi ever taught me: a name carries more weight than anything else in the goddamn world, and you can’t hide behind anything if you can’t hide behind your name.
There are two kinds of people who attend Jedi College: those whose parents did—the wealthy, the greedy, the ones who have already inherited their parents’ ennui, and those schmucks who fought tooth and nail for their acceptance letter, who thought attending Jedi would be the first rung on the ladder out of wherever they came from.
Alright. Three kinds of people: the rich, the desperate, and me.
—----
Anakin’s new office is on the fifty-first floor of his company’s building, which doesn’t actually mean much about his job. Mostly it just goes to show how much bigger things are here in Coruscant.
Mostly it just means that Anakin has forty-three seconds exactly to lean his head back against the mirrored wall of the elevator and try to rest his aching eyes. There’s a full day of work in  front of him. And the day after that, there’ll be another one. And then another one.
Hitting the elevator emergency stop button has never been more temptying, but it would just be delaying the inevitable. Life would continue as it always did. People would probably even notice Anakin’s absence. 
After all, one does not simply write a Tell-All sort of book and then disappear without people asking some questions.
If he died in this elevator from lack of water or air or food or something, there’d probably be an investigation. There’d probably also be conspiracies on the internet that the headmaster of Jedi College had him assassinated. Or a malicious parent of one of the kids Anakin had gone to school with. Or one of the kids themselves, grown up and wearing borrowed power as unfitting as Anakin’s suit.
“Sir,” a voice says directly across from him and he opens his eyes. The elevator doors are open and his secretary is looking at him with the sort of blank gaze of professionals every person in Coruscant seems to have. “Are you going to get out?”
“Oh,” Anakin says.  “I suppose I must.”
This gets him a weird look from his assistant.
Anakin offers her a strained smile. He never talks like that, doesn’t know why the words had slipped out the way they did, except that he hadn’t slept well the night before and he’s just spent months thinking about someone who used such words all the time, said in the same manner. A lilting Upper Coruscanti accent.
“Coffee, then?” Blanche asks, which is why he’d hired her in the first place.
“Two shots of espresso in a drip,” Anakin confirms, exiting the elevator and running a hand through his hair. “Thank you.”
“Of course,” his assistant says, even though it isn’t really in her job description to get Anakin coffee. It’s one of those days already where if he leaves the building before five in the evening, he’s probably not going to come back. “Oh, and there’s someone in your office.”
Anakin, who had been about to turn the corner to his office, pauses. “It’s nine in the morning.”
“He insisted,” Blanche says. “He also slipped me two hundred credits to not say anything and get out of the building.”
“But since you don’t accept bribes, you promptly denied him entry to my personal office and alerted the authorities.”
“No,” Blanche says. “I’m going to get you coffee with the two hundred credits in my purse. His name is Ben.”
Anakin’s throat tightens and his stomach shrinks. “I—I don’t know a Ben.”
Blanche raises a severely unprofessional eyebrow, casting her eyes to look behind them both at the framed poster of Anakin’s book cover. Golden lettering on a gray and black landscape photo of the oldest building of Jedi College: Chasing the Dying Light.
“I don’t know a Ben,” he says again stiffly, jaw working. “And you work at a newspaper, you should pay more attention to what is reality and what is fictional.”
“Yes sir,” his assistant says. “Though the man in your office is very real, I assure you.”
Anakin flounders for a second before stuffing his hands into the pocket of his coat. “Three shots of espresso,” he tells her. “Now that you’re rich and all.”
“My nephew wanted to pass on his congratulations that Dying Light entered its ninth week at the top of the Bestselling Nonfiction Courscanti Times List,” Blanche replies blasely.
“Four shots,” Anakin says.  “One of them liquor.”
“You wrote the book, darling,” Blanche at least looks sympathetic as she wraps her knitted scarf around her neck. “You should have known you’d have to eventually face the music.”
“There’s more than one Ben in the world,” Anakin replies, mostly to himself.
Blanche looks unimpressed. “And you don’t know any.”
Anakin doesn’t. That’s why he’d chosen the name out of all the options. He couldn’t write his real name, so he’d given him a different one and made sure he wouldn’t write out their story and think of anyone else but the boy who haunted his mind even eight years later.
He doesn’t know any Bens, but he’s not as surprised as he should be when he opens his office door and sees Obi-Wan Kenobi sitting behind his desk, feet up on the oak wood. 
“Hello, darling,” Kenobi says. “Honestly, an email would have sufficed.”
—--------
Ben Lars pulls you in like a whirlpool’s current. There’s no escape, but you don’t even realize you’re drowning. And yet I would have given him my last breath of air had he asked, had I known he was drowning too.
I met Ben the way people often meet the love of their lives: in a shitty college dorm bathroom at two in the morning. 
Shitty is subjective, of course. Jedi probably had the nicest student bathrooms on the east coast, but there’s only so much one can do to make a bathroom not shitty. Especially one used by boys who have never cleaned after themselves who arre turning into men who will never clean up after themselves.
That’s what Ben was doing when I met him. Or Ben’s…friend, though I’ve been told over and over again that Ben didn’t have friends. What else could we call Quintas, who was cleaning off the vomit on Ben’s shirt as the boy himself sat on the edge of the sink and did nothing to help?
I hadn’t meant to be there, but it doesn’t really matter why I was there. It matters that he was there, that he rolled his head against where it rested against the mirror and locked eyes with me.
“Hello there,” he said, blinking at me as if trying to decide if I were real or a figment of his imagination. “I don’t think you’re supposed to be here,” he added. 
His voice caught me off guard. It wavered about a range of pitch, but every syllable was one of those pure Upper Coruscanti accents you only ever hear in films. Polished and perfect, if he hadn’t slurred his every other word.
The boy touching his shirt looked around, face tearing between fear and fury at a the interruption.
“Get out,” he snapped, rising up as if he were going to advance upon me. As if I posed a threat.
“What are you doing?” I asked. I wasn’t an idiot as much as I probably was. “He’s drunk. Why are you—what are you—”
“It’s my birthday,” Ben said, eyes earnest and wide as he looked at me. “Are you here because it’s my birthday?”
Quin turned around, back to me. “Ben, come on, I’m not getting this out without getting it off.”
“He’s drunk,” I repeated. “You’re not getting anything off him.”
“I didn’t think anyone would remember,” Ben said, picking uselessly at his shirt and then at his friend’s. “He’s in a different time zone though, Quin, he’ll call. It’s my birthday, he’ll call. He’ll—”
“You’re fucked to the wind, Ben,” Quintas replied. “If he calls, I’m not letting you answer it.”
“If,” Ben repeated, a drunken babble. “If, if, if—”
“Come on,” Quin offered his arms, and Ben slipped off the sink and into them easily. I shifted my weight, feeling as if I had to do something without knowing what.
“Stop looking at me like that,” Quintas snapped at me. “You couldn’t pay me to fuck him.”
Ben laughed, but I couldn’t figure out what was funny.
“I know him too well,” Quintas added. I’ve always wondered if that was a warning and I was too much of an idiot to understand it for what it was.
Or maybe I knew exactly what it was, but Ben eclipsed it—every damn thing—when he stumbled from his friend’s arms to mine, pulled at a piece of my hair to examine it, said, “Pretty,” and threw up all over my shoes.
I can never decide if he remembered that night, our first meeting, or if he did not. I only learned his name a few days later when it became very clear he hated me with a singular intensity. I thought at the time it was an intensity that came from a boy who had been made vulnerable against his will, but he always insisted he didn’t realize that was me. 
And when you’re in love with an accomplished liar, it’s hard to know if they love you enough to tell you the truth or if they love you enough to tell you what they think you want to be the truth.
—-------
“Obi-Wan,” Anakin says. The man before him looks nothing like the boy he remembers. His hair is much shorter now, pushed across his forehead in a careful way that looks effortless. He’s grown a beard, something sharp and short, that sticks to the lines of his jaw.
The Obi-Wan Anakin had known had had long hair, though the professors had all given him grief for it. He’d had dimples when he smirked. Smiled, too, but he smirked more often. He’d had soft lips that Anakin had taken pleasure in kissing raw and red.
“Your secretary is pleasant,” Obi-Wan says as if Anakin has not spoken at all. He stands from Anakin’s chair, taking each shiny leather shoe down from his desk slowly. He moves like some sleek feline predator, dressed in a tight black turtleneck and tighter pants. “Blanche. It’s like she was born to be a secretary.”
Anakin doesn’t take a step back, but he does step to the side under the guise of taking his coat and scarf off, hanging it on his coat rack. “She’s nice.”
She’s a dirty rotten traitor who’d probably known exactly who Obi-Wan was both to the world and to Anakin. Any secretary worth a damn would have left him in the lobby.
“I’ve always thought there was a lot of power to a name,” Obi-Wan murmurs. His hands are behind his back, and Anakin doesn’t trust him.
God, Anakin loves him. But he doesn’t trust him.
“You would think so,” Anakin mutters, pacing away from him to look out one of the windows in his office. His office is practically all window. It usually makes him feel scrutinized, trapped. Now it makes him feel safe.
Nothing can happen between them. The world is watching. 
“What does that mean?”
“You expect me to stand here and pretend as if your father isn’t one of the richest men in Coruscant? Obi-Wan Jinn?” 
“It’s Kenobi,” Obi-Wan says silkily. He stays on the other side of the office at least.
“It wasn’t when we were in that holding cell in the height of winter, sharing a scarf and three gloves between us!” Anakin snaps back.
“Who do you think got you out of there?” Obi-Wan rears back as if greatly offended by his accusation. “I couldn’t do anything for you when I was there with you, but as soon as they released me, I—”
“Who got me out? Who do you think got me in there in the first place?” Anakin’s heartrate is pounding, pulse skyrocketing as he looks across his suddenly very small office at the man who once was a boy who tried his level best to ruin Anakin’s life, all the while calling it love.
Obi-Wan’s face is twisted in a sneer as he brings his hands out from behind his back. “I believe I forgot. Let me check.” 
A flash of black, gray, gold as he opens the copy of Anakin’s book, flips to the correct page, and starts to read aloud.
“Ben could convince anyone of anything. He could convince a professor to give him a passing grade, a glowing recommendation. He could convince an athlete with a drug test in the morning to help him finish his line of snow. Hell, he could convince a blind man he needed glasses. And me, the scholarship kid they let in to fill their quota, who needed to study more than he needed to breathe, whose future and livelihood rested on graduating Jedi top of his class….It took very little effort on his part to convince me of anything.
All he had to do was find me, tilt his head—”
“Stop it,” Anakin says forcefully, a hair’s breadth away from a shout. “For the love of God, stop it.”
“But why should I? You’ve gone on for at least one hundred more pages.” When Obi-Wan looks up from the book, his eyes are dark, expression fierce. He looks—God, he looks—so, achingly familiar.
Anakin snaps his mouth shut, shaking his head wordlessly.
“I’ve always liked my name,” Obi-Wan tells him lightly, snapping the book shut as well. “Power and all that. But you’ve made quite a good case for Ben. Do you think it suits me?”
“What are you doing here, Obi-Wan?” Anakin asks, rubbing a hand over his mouth, blinking at him once before turning away. 
“I wanted a signed copy,” Obi-Wan says, tossing the book with just enough force that it lands on his desk and knocks over half Anakin’s mementos.
“No, you don’t.”
“No, I don’t,” Obi-Wan agrees. “Perhaps I just came to warn you that Quinlan Vos has declared his every intention to kill you, and I wouldn’t put it past him.”
Anakin swallows and shakes his head. “I thought I wrote him in a fairly flattering light, seeing as how he beat me half to death when we were twenty. He still trying to fight your battles for you?”
“That’s one way to put it,” Obi-Wan inclines his head. “If only I understood the concept of friends.”
“If only you understood the concept of a lot of things,” Anakin mutters, crossing to his desk and fishing a pen out of the mess of his desk. He grabs Obi-Wan’s book, and flips open to the cover page.
The tip of his pen hovers over the paper. To my biggest fan, he writes and then signs his name.
“Cute,” Obi-Wan murmurs from just beside him, and Anakin barely resists the urge to jump. To cry too, probably.
“There. You can go.” He shoves the book back at Obi-Wan, almost letting it drop in his hurry to not touch him. He doesn’t know what will happen if he touches Obi-Wan Kenobi again. He’s spent eight years dreading the very idea and eight years longing for it.
“So you really believe you’ve done nothing wrong,” Obi-Wan marvels, holding the book in his hands as if it were a particularly fascinating live grenade. “I wondered what your defense would be. What you would say. How you would rationalize this: disappearing three weeks into your last year at Jedi, ignoring my calls, dropping out of school, leaving Jedha, only to emerge eight years later with a trashy Tell-All that thinks it’s highbrow literature. But you don’t have a defense, do you? You didn’t think you’d have to prepare one.”
“I didn’t think you could read,” Anakin clenches and unclenches his jaw.
He can feel Obi-Wan’s eyes boring into the side of his face. “Fuck you, Anakin Skywalker,” he says simply. Finally. Anakin holds his stiff stance, but Obi-Wan turns away, grabbing his coat from where he’s abandoned it on one of Anakin’s chairs.
“I thought you wouldn’t mind,” Anakin hears himself saying before he realizes his mouth is moving. “I saw the interview your ex-wife gave about you.”
Obi-Wan stops from where he’s halfway through putting on his jacket. His face is unreadable, but his eyes dart everywhere across Anakin’s face before he shakes his head. “She’s not....She spent our whole marriage furious at me that she couldn’t be what I wanted and I didn’t know how to tell her it was useless to try. You’re an idiot if you think her little interview is the same as—as you doing--as your---as this.”
He grabs a scarf—Anakin’s scarf—and winds it around his neck, turning to open the door. 
Anakin is there before he can, placing one hand to the side of Obi-Wan’s head and slamming the door closed again. “What do you mean.”
He feels half mad, borderline insane. His heart is hammering. He’s so close that he can smell Obi-Wan, and the smell is addicting. Cedar, cardamom. Spice. 
Without his conscious permission, he’s pushing further, caging Obi-Wan against the door and turning him around by the shoulders until he can grab the scarf, his scarf, and fist his hand into it.
“What do you mean?”
Anakin is taller and stronger. He always has been. Everything Obi-Wan put into his system made him weaker, stunted his growth. 
But Obi-Wan has always known he’s smaller, and he’s always known exactly how much Anakin liked it. He looks up from beneath his eyelashes at Anakin, slumping slightly against the door like prey that’s been caught. 
It’s a trap, it’s always a fucking trap, a fucking game, but Anakin falls for it. He presses forward
“She wasn’t you,” Obi-Wan tells him, eyes dark in something that could be hatred or love but is probably both at the same time. “Nothing she said or did would ever matter because she never—she was never you.”
“Why did you marry her then?” Anakin whispers. “Barely out of college. Would you have made me be your best man?”
“I thought you would have hated her the most,” Obi-Wan breathes back. “I fucked her better when I thought about how much you would have wanted to claw her eyes out.”
Anakin makes a sound like he’s wounded. He feels wounded. He feels raw and open. He’d hated her, Ob-Wan’s right. He’d hated them both, how easily Obi-Wan had married someone his father approved of, how perfect they looked together. As if Anakin had never existed at all.
“What do you want?” Anakin asks--begs--dropping his hands to Obi-Wan’s waist purely from memory.
Obi-Wan leans forward, and for a second Anakin is worried that he’s going to kiss him. He’s elated at the very idea.
“Buy me lunch,” Obi-Wan whispers into his ear, nose finding the curve of it and nuzzling against it carefully. “With all the money you made from breaking my heart twice over now.”
Anakin knows he will not say no.
Obi-Wan Kenobi has always been a whirlpool. At least this time Anakin understands that he’s drowning. Surely that has to count for something. 
where’s my toxic dark academia au where the Jedi Order is a prestigious private university for rich kids who are all a different flavor of beautiful and fucked up, and Anakin is the kid they let in on scholarship once every a few years and he comes in scrappy and defensive and in love with the daughter of the family who is sponsoring him (and maybe half-adopted him when he was 10 so it’s a bit fucked up all around)
and he meets this pretentious dickbag of a student on his hall who is so cold and aloof that anakin can’t stand him, this guy obi-wan who’s so beautiful and untouchable and who sees right through him
I imagine they fuck in the most explosive way where they’re in the middle of a very loud fight in some bathroom in some rich kid’s house and neither is sober, and obi-wan says some awful shit about anakin being in love with Padmé and if his adoptive parents knew they probably would wish they hadn’t adopted him and anakin says some awful shit about how obi-wan’s been sent to boarding schools all his life cause his father never wanted him, and it starts as a fight but they’re just punching each other with their mouths and probably crying too
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aliettali ¡ 25 days ago
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out of your friends which are you?! (skilltobers 13, 15, 16, 17, 18)
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cerealmonster15 ¡ 2 months ago
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jamiazu / ashenviper week day 6: toxic yaoi overblot
SORRY it's very much a rushed mess especially in the lower half jdkslfjksd i was v busy today and trying to hurry to get something done for this before midnight [covers up the clock... i was close enough,,, it's still day 6 in some time zones jkfdlsjfs]
unfortunate that the overblots have so much going on and take me ten billion years to draw otherwise i think id like drawing them more bc they LOOK VERY COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ashenviper week 2024#twisted wonderland#twst#jamiazu#ashenviper#azul ashengrotto#jamil viper#cereal tries to draw#and boy did i try. JFKLDSJFLDSJG#i kinda shot myself in the foot deciding today on the day i STARTED WAY LATER#to be the day that i wanted to try shading in the tones lol#and then. picked the day i was doing stuff with a lot of dark black parts#with no color to balance out the similar tones jkLJFSDKLJFDKLJS#im not exactly good with tonal contrast and UNFORTUNATELY IT'S VERY APPARENT HERE TODAY SORRYYYYYYYYYYYY#whatever it's practice teehee. good enough is GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!#anyway i was gonna draw them looking more evil but i kinda ended up goin the route of like. evil while gay#as in kind of extremely obsessed w/each other in their toxic yaoi state idk#like i think if they overblot at the same time it woulda been over for us boys theyd be too strong#uniting the powers of hypnosis and blackmail and also the fine print. and gay. to take over the school and then probably the world#u probs gotta click full screen squint on this one bc if ucked it up stupid style theres too much dark lol#USUALLY I HAVE THE OPPOSITE PROBLEM I DONT GO DARK ENOUGH#[professor voice] youre kinda stuck in the midtones#well. this time i went mid/dark and forgot the light lol#if i had more time maybe i coulda done some like actual shading to round it out but I DONT WANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT'S LATE#AND IM SLEEEEPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#if drawing overblot details didnt kill me tho i think id like to draw them being overblot together more often lol i enjoy the concept#maybe if i can shorthand it or GO BACK TO MY BELOVED TINY GUYS#i spent the most time on this one of all the other drawings this week#tomorrow i do not anticipate ill spend as long on but#i was considerin the glomas outfits which are ALSO SCARY DETAILS AUGHHGHGH <- it's bc im bad at drawing. LOL
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gen4grl ¡ 7 months ago
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halloween in pallet
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skunkes ¡ 2 months ago
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i dont like when character being blunt/having no filter = character just being Mean, and im trying to find a good balance with that for Talon. I guess it's not that hard since he's not an (active) overthinker and I have drawn him saying things he considers neutral that seem rude to others...I guess I have to find a way to show the opposite, too
#talkys#oc text#active overthinker bc he does have mindsets that would be Overthinking but theyre more like#''the brain fell to this conclusion'' vs ''this conclusion was arrived at after hrs of thinking''#also the balance would be because he of course does have to at least consider his words often#and i know there are things he doesnt want to reveal to others‚ or sometimes he doesnt Want to say things that could#influence someones emotions in one way or another#but i think thats solved by the ''neutral (to him) statement'' part of it#just like when i drew him saying smunker's face was really round (to smunker himself)#skunker took that as an insult but talon was just Stating Observation#similarly Talon would have to strain certain compliments to people he enjoys through clenched teeth sometimes#due to the vulnerability of it all of course#but we could also just go the ''It's Just An Observation he states neutrally‚ without thinking'' route here#except received positively#i think thats harder for ME the writer to figure out tho bc im the overthinker#and also positive stuff harder to keep neutral and surface level#maybe it rly just is thinking vs unthinking#catching self thinking about complimenting al = why would i embarrass myself this way#the words simply escaping before the thought catches up‚ without being too detailed‚ solely#based off of what he's observing at that moment = ✅#also dont get me wrong talon IS purposefully mean pretty often LOL but i didnt want that sole connection to Being Blunt#ok gn yey ^_^
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w0nder1ng-gh0st ¡ 3 months ago
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Some Wiwi's for each arc :3 !! prolly not completely accurate but let me live
(click for better quality smiles)
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lee-hakhyun ¡ 1 year ago
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from an outside perspective it’s really feeling like they’re emphasising kim dokja’s status as an eldritch god. like,,, you don’t feel it through orv because kim dokja himself has just enough knowledge from reading twsa to navigate, and on his own you can really tell how human he actually is, but. take things from a distanced perspective, and suddenly. suddenly, it’s azathoth and the outer gods of lovecraftian lore, played completely straight. i’ve heard enough people compare azathoth and kdj that i think i can say this much
you wanna know something i’ve thought about a lot regarding kdj and the oldest dream? about yjh becoming a terrorist, and how kimcom willingly went back into the fray, how they returned to the previous timeline - and how some people couldn’t comprehend their choices at first? it makes me think of that old trope of ‘going mad from the revelation’, how some people say that gazing upon this otherworldly being’s true form or ‘learning the truth of the world’ would surely make someone go mad.
go mad with what, though? insanity? or grief? because so, so often, one’s pain is incomprehensible to outsiders, and fail to understand how or why you lash out or break down. it’s a depressing pattern in real life, too. kdj goes mad with grief and self-hatred, learning the truth; kimcom take on the insane route of going through the apocalypse again just to reach the end; yjh is unable to heal, to cope with a world without the scenarios and without his companion to bear through it, and so he fights over the replica of the arc. from an outsider’s perspective, without the understanding that the people involved are all brokenhearted over truths only they know, it might come off as insanity. but it’s all just grief.
with that said, however, to have someone jung heewon KNEW, cruel as he was, replaced by someone from a world beyond - and to start singing the praise of someone else’s name? to say ‘i need to find them?’ how all of them look to one name that outsiders simply DO NOT KNOW, to hail this unknown person as important, as an idol, as… as a god…
the 41st turn before their version of shin yoosung travelled to the other worldlines is a forgotten story, and by orv logic forgotten stories are outer gods. in lovecraftian lore, the outer gods sought to wake the blind idiot god azathoth, who in orv is represented by kdj dreaming for ‘eternity’. also, the Outer Gods of orv (the one actually being called as such right now) see the side story - which is the ‘forgotten’ 41st turn, now being written in where once it was not - as their chance to finally be written on the wall. so it’s. it’s. this is just singshong taking their lovecraftian elements to their logical extreme
interestingly, however, kdj isn’t the only reader anymore, is he? orv places a lot of emphasis on communication and writing on the wall, but in the side story it could perhaps be interpreted as ‘trying to be read by one person in particular’. and then the readers that die are labelled as ‘kdj33’ or ‘kdj47’, reducing them to being ‘just a part’, but… they’re all different people. they’re all people who took in kdj’s story, thus his story becomes a part of their own - but only a part. i’ve said that before, but.
well, you can’t force your own narrative on to someone else.
han sooyoung tried that, actually, didn’t she? tried to get kdj back through ending the story early only to realize the hurt she was causing and backing off. you can’t always reach people in the way you want. that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop trying, but there’s also a point where you need to recede, to compromise. am i making sense? i have no idea where singnshong is taking this story, but i’m looking at hsy with lee hakhyun and ceokdj with the readers turned kdj fragments and the outer gods wanting their story written on the wall and. i feel like i’m starting to see a pattern. i could also be hallucinating, but i could also not be. i offer this for your consideration
okay i put this aside for a bit but yes. oh my god. eldritch kdj.. i had not heard about this before, but that's so interesting thinking about it through that lens. and in the side story, hsy forcing the memories of orv on jhw to try to break her.. the explict mentioning of han sooyoung being seen as a 'god' in that moment...
--
fun fact, if you don't remember! lovecraftian horrors are also mentioned as outer gods in orv
chapter 179. when talking with the devourer of dreams, kdj mentioned these modifiers
the fear of sarnath - bokrug
horror from the hills - chaugnar faugn
master of r'lyeh - cthulhu
--
now, adding my own thoughts - the pattern is identity. stories.
there's something wrong with everything in this turn.
the kkomas were cute. until it was revealed that they were dead readers. though.. is that not also kind of what the yoo joonghyuk kkomas are? they may have all been yoo joonghyuk, but their lives in that turn were their own. <- however. the difference here is that while the yjh kkomas were all 'yoo joonghyuk' these kdj kkomas were NOT. they all had their own lives before being brought to wos, and upon being killed and placed in the theater.. they lost themselves.. which is terrifying to think about. you die, and you're brought back to watch your companions go on without you, but you're not yourself anymore. you're kim dokja, who wants to continue watching the stories on the screen.
the transmigrated readers. until the latest chapters, we hadn't been shown the real effect of the readers possessing characters in this world (honestly, we were led to believe that most people transmigrated into 'extras' without their own story. but that's not true, is it?). cheon inho has no one close to him as far as we know (lol), but that's not the same for others. what about the people who knew the possessed characters? lee hakhyun realizes this in the latest chapter, that maybe him and the readers coming here were an additional disaster for the people that lived here.
lee hakhyun's problems,, he's constantly going back and forth on 'lee hakhyun' and 'cheon inho', and there's clearly something wrong with the way he sees himself... we know more about him that he does currently, and if he does find out. i don't think things are going to end well.
and of course. everything about kim dokja. his name is in everyone's minds, the readers are desperate for a source of hope and he has become that to them. kim dokja is being idolized. even before the scenarios, there were those using kim dokja's story in the same way he used yjh. it's not framed as a negative, if that's what you need to do survive, then you should always do what you can to survive, no matter what. but even when you borrow stories, you need to stay yourself. you are your own person.
there's a clear connection with all of these, and it's identity. who someone is, the way they're seen, their stories. what makes you yourself? stories make up who you are, and these outer gods want their own stories written down on the wall to define themselves. rep kdj wanting the readers to forge a new story, lee hakhyun discovering stories that were never told in orv.
right now, nobody's happy. time is running out for the outer gods, the readers have unwittingly destroyed others by taking over these 'extras', kimcom are still desperately searching for their star, our dear protagonist is continuing to doubt himself. and kim dokja is still watching.
...this is orv. not everyone will get their happy ending. their goals oppose each other. we can hope for the best, but that isn't going to happen.
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orcelito ¡ 3 days ago
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For the low, low price of Mom Who Doesn't Care About You, you can get the experience of coming out to her..... twice!
More specifically I came out to her in a letter back in 2020 But Also my sister recently accidentally "outed" me but also not actually because I *already told her* I was gay. But she just forgot
I'm literally so astounded by it that it circles back around to being funny. And she wonders why I dont try to have a relationship with her 😭😭😭😂😂😂
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todayisafridaynight ¡ 11 months ago
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List of rgg charas with in-universe Wikipedia pages. Go
ryo aoki
r. ryo aoki :)
#snap chats#HONESTLY UHHH prob the founders of the tojo and omi#the tojo and omi prob have wiki entries too and each succeeding chairman but like each entry varies in detail#like some chairmen realy were just. Whatever. and so their entires are like two lines or somethin#daigo probably has one on account of being the longest lasting chairman in recent time but idk bout gettin into his personal life#just. detailing all the major events that involve him like y4 and Allegedly the fire in little asia#maybe if tachibana didnt get necked maybe him...#tachibana real estate seems like it was. Bangin. but he prob woldve only gotten a mention and not an actual page#i dont think they woldve dug into . The Criminal part LOL.#prob just a Rumors section if that#as it turns out it takes A Decent Amount to get a wiki#HARUKA#HARUKA DEFINITELY HAS A WIKIPEDIA WHYA M I SO DISRESPECTUL#mirei park by extension would have one esp with her own idol background#like i cant imagine any of the protags having wiki entries#sure theyve Done A Lot Of Shit but nothing wikipedia worthy#shinada miiiight ?????? thats a BIG Might#if anything he might be mentioned in a wikipedia entry talking about the whole scandal#t-set....#if ichiban got high enough in the business world... maybe...... esp when he was runnin for.#what the fuck was he running for in ijincho. dont know but he's got eyes and. a colorful history#maybe after aoki's death people would bother ichi.. but ichi would prob be too upset to actually answer anyone#kume probably to expand on that. maybe moreso a footnote...#oh arakawa's theater group maybe. at least because of toshio's murder#would that lead to arakawa having a page ??? maybe not.#i gotta stop here lest i overthink this 💀💀
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mainfaggot ¡ 3 months ago
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the last time i felt emotionally fulfilled in a friendship was when i was 15, and before that when i was 13. im turning 21 next month
#my current close friends are really great but my depression gets in the way and it's really hard to tell them about my feelings lol#so i basically make my chronic loneliness worse by distancing myself and isolating etc#they still like me though... weirdly#well probably bc we're all mentally and emotionally unwell! we get one another's issues#but i cant bring myself to say a lot of things i would otherwise want to... since i feel so misunderstood#even when i have tried to talk about things they just dont process them the way im hoping they will#and it's not their fault!!! it's my fault for expecting someone to understand exactly what im saying when i say it#i almost always find words for things. i describe them in detail. and i think thats where things get too unique and too confusing actually#so they cant personally understand#like i said. not their fault!#i just miss this one friend i had briefly in 8th grade#i was getting outcasted from everyone in my own class. she was in the classroom next door#i don't remember how we crossed paths but we did and she was so smart and so understanding#and we just clicked#i remember running in a field with her. she was so.. everything#i miss her#and when i was 15 i remember talking about all of my mental issues with this classmate and we immediately saw each other as mirror images#it was crazy... we also had a lot of interests in common and we looked out for each other#she's doing a lot better nowadays which is why we're no longer in contact probably#it's hard to be friends when one of you is stuck in one place so i dont really blame her#we drifted apart anyway. i bet if i asked she'd still make time for me a few times a year#i just didnt ask because it felt like the mutual understanding we had ended#shes a different person now. and for the better too! i shouldn't interfere in her happiness#z.post
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bmpmp3 ¡ 4 months ago
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the really beautiful landscape/skyscape animation in makoto shinkai's works tends to be the big thing i see focused on and that is understandable and deserved like the weather and lighting effects are unREAL but i do think we should also appreciate how absolute insane the plotlines of his original movies get. at least two movies with in universe catastrophes with major ecological implications. the guns and explosions. theres that one movie i havent seen yet with the guy who turns into a chair (?)
#just watched weathering with you. it was really good. REALLY good#i remember when it came out people were saying it was better than your name. but now it seems the general opinion switched?#your name changed my brain chemistry and outlook on life. i think weathering with you may do the same#so to me i think they're like on pare with eachother. i dont know if i can choose which is my fav now LOL#they are sisters to me..... sisters to me...... quick review below watch out for spoilers#i dont think i'll be too detailed but i do also just recommend watching it its a great movie#I DID like the soundtrack in your name a BIT better like the score had a few more hooks for me and i loved all the insert songs#while in wwy i liked the last three inserts but the first couple didnt really grab me. but its all radwimps so its all good LOL#the side characters in wwy were so good tho like i loved all the cast so much#of course i adored the main characters of your name and wwy both. but the side cast in wwy ruled i think i'll remember them for a long time#the taki jumpscare was also great. my boy was here. my boy was here. just for a minute#i also adored how unhinged the main character of wwy was. hodaka was like. a bit unwell? HJKDJHKFD i thought it was great#weird and quiet but desperately a bit violent in a way that i think was very relatable#i also loved the like. message? sorry that sounds sappy but i liked that like the story was kind of like#coming to hina who is working so hard and forced by herself and circumstance to grow up so early and sacrifice so much#and grabbing her by the shoulders and telling her YOU CAN LIVE!!! YOU CAN HAVE FUN!!! ITS OKAY!!!!!!#i think it was so sweet and such a strong sentiment. wonderful movie. also there was guns and i was so scared#i think that might actually by why i love how high stakes the plots get in these movies like the character design and personalities are so#real and down to earth so when you go to the beautiful planetary skyscapes and also the exploding vehicals you get like so in awe or scared#it does also make me laugh tho now thinking about the your name nendos. you can just barely make nendos of them. you cannot make a nendo of#hodaka. hina maybe. but not hodaka. he is. some guy. the most some guy. visually at least. mentally hes got. something happening <3#loved him so much. hes normal. hes normal. oh they did make some popup parades thats cute#altho it is a bit funny looking. that is just like two normal teenagers JHKLDSHKFDLSafdjksd#anyway next up i'll probably watch the chair movie. ive heard a couple songs from it and they were pretty good so im excited#it also makes me realize i need to watch more of his back catalogue other than 5cm.... he has way more movies than i remembered#i hope someday he gets to make the yuri movie he wanted to. it would be unreal. huge beautiful skys. ecological disasters. girls kissing#oh i hope he gets to do it one day..... one day.....#EDIT: WAIT THEY DID MAKE A NENDO OF HODAKA AND HINA.... LIKE FULL NENDOS NOT EVEN PETITE.....#HODAKA REALLY DOES JUST LOOK LIKE SOME DUDE.... AWESOME
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britneyshakespeare ¡ 10 months ago
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i dont know where to scream about this but i honestly feel some sort of weird relief that r//nbow high is declining. i knoooow i know it's popular and they've been such high quality dolls and collectors have loved them and some(?) people like the web series (or do they? ive heard mixed things but ive never had any interest in watching it) but oh god. i just. sometimes it takes me awhile to appreciate modern doll lines and their aesthetics but i just could not get past their weird fish faces and in general i do not like monochrome styling themes. i realize their designers did so much with their concepts, i realize a lot of heart and effort went into them, and i completely understand why so many people were floored with the quality of the dolls and the rate at which they were being put out. even though the prices kept rising for them, you could at least see where your money was going, like they were always so well-constructed and doing new things. but like. at the end of the day. on a very basic level they were just never all that aesthetically pleasing to me and it was kind of maddening to see all that potential going towards a line of dolls that had just... like... facial proportions i could not get past lol.
#i wasn't super into the way theyd ape (or 'pay homage to') modern celebrity/designer fashions#but like i get it. that's a strong brand aesthetic. it's NOT something i really care for but yeah.#i guess if you were to compare it to like. lol omg dolls and the way they do so many celebrity homages#i think lol omg elevates it a bit more. im not a HUGE fan of lol omg but im like ok i DO get it.#even tho the faces are flatter and more dead-inside i actually think that makes it more forgivable and doll-like for me.#like. r//nbow high just hits some kind of undesirable middle for me between cartoony and stylized and realistically detailed.#also not everything's about 'quality' and fabric diversity and working zippers and pockets or whatever#i mean those things ARE nice but at the end of the day i just prefer imaginative designs. things should have a mix#not saying rh didnt have those things but. oh god. i just. i just did not like the dolls in themselves#the monochrome thing again i just cant do it. i heavily dislike monochrome doll designs and unnatural colored doll hair#not that it can never be done (the wild colorful hair) but for me it's gotta be done in a very specific way#it has to stand out rather than blend in i guess? idk im not a design expert i have no reason to be so snobby about this#tales from diana#dolls#rant#i actually think whatever they've been doing w their latest line. downgrading everything in 'quality' and making them seem like#they're appealing to a younger audience before and cheapening the production... i think it makes them look less weird to me#i still dont LIKE them but like theyre not off-putting to me. like to me they look no worse#this isn't to like mock anyone who ever really was into rh bc i know that was a lot of ppl. i get it#i just felt VERY alienated by how popular they were and how much lavish praise theyd get all the time#bc overall the end product just lacked smth for me. that i felt like other doll lines had. which was... cuteness#anyway dont take any of my mean opinions too much to heart. remember that i was a na na na surprise fan#i own four of those dolls. so take everything i say w a grain of salt#(i loved them when they were still fabric-bound ngl i thought that was such a cool brand choice... it saddens me theyre hard plastic now)
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opens-up-4-nobody ¡ 2 years ago
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...
#Jesus. just finished my interview. no idea how it went#i think it was much too rambling on my part and they asked almost exclusively sciency questions#ugh hopefully i didn't look like a completle moron. the guy was sorta inscrutable so no idea what he thought#and he was like hmm whats ur competition here? and i dont give a fuck abt competition and also it doesnt really matter#fuck. i should have said. it would b fine if they were doing the exact same project bc we would b evolving different strains and it would b#interesting if they evolved even the exact same traits. fuck#i think objectively i probably looked like someone who halfway knows what theyre doing without the specific knowledge#which is exactly true. like mother fuckers ive got a full time job to be overworked in. i dont have time to memorize details of every#pathway change in every desert cyano#uuuuugh its just annoying bc my brain doesnt work well in the moment. i need time to process and knit together an answer#so i wouldnt b surprised if i was ranked low. oh god i was told the interview was prob a formality unless it goes terribly#itll b real embarrassing if i dont get passed this stage now#whatever it was a bit chaotic on their end too bc one guy didnt show up until halfway thru so i kinda had to go back and say things twice#uuuuuuuuuuggh. well that kinda sucked. at least its done. out of my hands now.#i was getting too excited abt it anyway. this will reaffirm my: obviously im not gonna get it vibes#i mean thats what i get for trying to join a very competitive program. like i am not a competitive person#rip to my lab mate who im gonna whine at all day abt this. i have to meet him in less than an hour#welp. there r other schools. god i hope at least one of them accepts me#ugh i just think its kinda annoying they they want u to be perfectly qualified for things lol. like i would need someone to step thru the#lab process with me literally once or twice and then id be good to go#like maybe a couple hours of someones time to remind me. thats it. humans r adaptable#i can obviously carry out a project to its conclusion and i have a lot of passion. not that they asked. but yeah#oh well. i should have breakfast before i freeze in the desert all day#unrelated
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star2stop ¡ 2 years ago
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mhhhh i think im gonna open a ninjago side blog,,,,
i just think it deserves its own little thing since i have so many things to say bout it and so many headcnons/ideas to explore already (and i dont want this blog to overflow with ninjago content lol)
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nomairuins ¡ 2 months ago
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ill be like I can totally make a lighthearted post mentioning a kink i have and i wont even freak abt it. and then i freak abt it
#its not even one of the ones i normally freak abt. fml. fml. its spreading. eventually i wont even be able to say Strals exist without going#into system shutdown or something. this sucks#this is also why i have so much trouble posting on my nsft is ill go over there and be like. Id love to **** some ***** and then i get#terrified. so i dont#my pfp over there is literally. **** ******* ** * *** but i go over there to post abt how i want to **** * *** and im like that is deviant#i cannot be saying that in front of my followers. who dollowed my nsft blog. where i list the things im into . and my pfo is * **** *******#** * *** so its not like theyd be HORRIFIED if that came up#but idk... i worry ppl dont read my dni over there. bc usually they just follow me after seeing that one post which doesnt rly mention any#of the ones im weird abt. except for like kind of it does but whatever its fine i cannottt freak out abt that post its existed for like.#months now. sigh. its all just a bit embarassing which sucks#“mdni”#IN A MASSIVE WAY. idr if any minors still r here if im still muts with any....#its just like. IDK i either feel a bit silly posting on it and its just mildly embarass Or i send myself into hysterics over how im an evil#person bc i like. well i cant say. obviously. but yk. stufffff. that i am into. I HATE TALKING ABT IT BC IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE AN EVIL#PERSON AND LIKE. its not anything like. UGH. im not into kids or animals 👍👍👍 obviously. and idt its that bad the things im into some of#them r like basically baby shit like ohhh woww youre into *********** and yet even that i cant talk abt it bc im like um im going to be#smited by god and sent to hell or soemthing and actually i only thing its normal bc im a disgusting weird freak and everybody would kill me#immediately if they knew also im an evil person? its like. UGHHHH.#and the other stuff is. less 'mainstream' which is even scarier but ig in a way ive been More open abt it which is kind of funny. looks at.#but even then i dont rly go in detail bc yk. Stuff. im just like lol they r the way they r bc of how i am. and then i walk away forever#idk. ive been feeling so guilty over that specifically like. UGH. its not like. ugh. i rly cant talk abt it without it being obvious and im#scared byt im also like Compelled to talk abt it so ppl dont think its worse but im also compelled not to bc thats like oversharing i guess#as if thta isnt All i do on this fuckass blog. no matter what i do i lose. i hate my brain so badly i wish i could judt get over it and jus#be like yep these r the things and not have to like over clarify and explain and disclaimer everything and stuff . idk. it suck#mdni#the quotes didnt take it to the top like they used to. kms
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lenny-link ¡ 3 months ago
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In regards to the SU x TF2 AU:
I have been racking my brain over here trying to understand the decision to make RED Spy a ruby and BLU Spy a sapphire. Nothing about his portrayal seemed to line up with canon depictions of rubies or sapphires, and RED Spy's gem isn't even faceted like a ruby. Also the obvious joke of making him a Bixbite, like the corrupted gem who was a giant crab, seemed obvious. Then it dawned on me.
He's a color-change sapphire, isn't he? That's why his RED version has a sapphire cut despite supposedly being a ruby? And also potentially why he's the only one we've seen RED and BLU variations of (though I get the impression that's also so one can be paired with Scout's Ma and the other with Engie) when all the others have been RED(-ish) isn't it? Or am I completely off base with this theory?
i LOVE your theory i wish you shared your thoughts before i elaborated the ‘lore’ of the au
but since ive had lots of questions about details id like to mention that:
1. i originally had not planned to make any story behind the su au, so if there’s things that dont make sense, don’t align with canon and stuff, it was not planned soo im working with what i have :p
2. i was hoping no one notices the mistake i made of swapping the gems ruby/sapphire lol its because at first i had drawn Blu(sapphire) Spy in that page, but i thought it was confusing since there was RedSpy x Scout’sMa and Scout next to him, so i just changed the colors and i didnt change the gem bc i was lazy :P
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3. the main reason i put both Blu/Red Spy was to create fusion, i thought to add an extra merc with a blu color would be cool for the fusions that isnt from ClassicTeam, and idk i couldn’t think of a better merc to have as a pair than Spy and i thought there is more potential with 2 Spies to work on a story than any other merc idk
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(yes i didnt put garnet as the fusion so as not to make confusion with Demoman being a Garnet, and we don’t have an Amethyst anyways so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )
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4. it is IMPOSSIBLE to align each TF2 character with a SU character, there’s nothing in common between the two medias whatsoever, so the dynamics that im gonna be making for the TF2 au are gonna be a bit mixed, for example: RedSpy and BluSpy having Ruby/Sapphire’s dynamic (kinda), but also they have the same dynamic as Rose/Pearl, for the part where Red would go with a human (Scout’s Ma) and Blu would be jealous (just like pearl), HeavyMedic also would be having Ruby/Sapphire dynamic (the part where they fuse for the first time just like Ruby/Sapphire in the show, im still working on comic about this btw)
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5. also im mixing with well TF2 canon story + trying really to make an original story too, soo its a whole mess ik :p im trying just bear with me ^^"
but thank you for pointing that out, it makes me happy knowing people actually pay attention to details thats super fun! ill make sure to not miss any details next time! :D
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