#no i couldnt you go ahead
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trying to explain to foreigners that in Spain you're supposed to say no to offers in case the other person was only offering out of politeness is so damn hard
#nothing baffless germans more than the little dance we do around the last croqueta in a dish#would you like to have the last one?#oh no don't worry you have it#no i couldnt you go ahead#should we split it?#nah you eat it#ok ok i will#spain is different
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Aftermath.
#doodle#kekkai sensen#oc x canon#aideen marich#klaus von reinherz#hey guys if you wanna see spicy Klaudeen stuff from me i've got a priv twit i use ----> diathah0rny is the name of it if you're curious#i would repost the doodles on bsky as well but i couldnt get used to the site so im pretty inactive there.... maybe i'll do it some day#anyway im folding im folding for this man so hard help me y'all#Klaudeen#this is my oc x klaus ship name y'all if you want to follow or blacklist it go right ahead#kkss
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if you tag every single post of your shitty ass unfunny commentary while watching a movie in the main tag for that movie im going to beat you over the head with a cement block.
#youre not funny or unique youre insufferable#you couldnt fight back against the fireflys theyre all like 6ft tall + live on a ranch + outnumber you 6 to 1. 8 to 1 on a bad day.#go ahead and try. this is what they do for a living. you even seen victims try and fight back numerous times throughout the trilogy#theyre always unsuccessful bc this is what they DO. baby and otis and cutter specifically they HUNT humans for fun!!! youre fucked lol !!#i dont even know why im so pissed off rn#captain's log
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okay look. I have clear favoritism to outsiders ff to anime ff for several (albeit possibly nonsensical, purely sentimental) reasons, but I will say this one jjk fic absolutely captivated me and I think if I wanted to I could fill pages with notes and tears. head in my hands absolutely life changing. I didn't even forget the title after months
I feel like I'm gushing incredibly hard over this but I truly do feel it's a wonderful look into toji's and megumi's characters and the events preceding the former's death. It undeniably solidified him as my favorite character
in short I desperately needed fushiguro content a few months ago and immediately got my heart and mind torn to shreds by this and NEVER forgot. 10/10 highly recommend!
#i need to reread this so badly when im not sleep deprived. i need to take notes. theres symbolism in there but i could never place it#i was too tired to disect this and it's a damn shame#fuck... if it werent for the fact a few of the world aspects would be confusing and some points would be missed i would recommend this#indiscrimantly. fuckkk if you dont mind that go ahead#i remember emile mosseri's Love Theme started playing during a particular hospital scene and i was so dumbfounded i couldnt even cry#i did a paragraph or two later#carrying this piece for the rest of my life. i need a physical copy some day#slipperlations#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#toji fushiguro#megumi fushiguro#toji fushiguro they could never make me form a definitive opinion on you#maybe i could never hate you but i could never love you either dude#it's not like. an underground fic by any means (i dont think?) but good lord id be damned if i never made a post about it#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen fanfic
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question, how do most people in the fandom view the nations' regenerative/healing abilities? like, say a nation breaks their arm. in your headcanon, how long would it take until it was back to normal with no pain?
i feel like there could be a lot of variation in what people think!! i've also seen the hc that injuries a) last longer when inflicted by other nations, or b) last longer when the nation is geopolitically weak, like when losing a war, which could complicate things even more! idk i'd love to know people's thoughts on this!!
#or if you can think of a way to make a poll out of it !! please go ahead#because i couldnt think of how id word this in a poll#maia talks
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im actually going to tear into totk’s dragon’s tears/ memories rn bc i remember feeling distinctly unsatisfied with them when i got all of them so im just going to write some general bullet points about them, about what i dislike or maybe what i do actually like about them, leaving out both master sword scenes and the mummydorf one because i’m here to talk about the stuff in the past not that
- off the bat (i play this game in english btw so all of this is based on the english text and translation i am aware some stuff is slightly different in other languages) im not really a fan of how the descriptions of all of the tears is just a literal description of what happens?? i think my issue with it is that some of the text is a little bit too in depth, as in it just tells you literally everything about the scene. this might be nitpick-y but i personally dont like it
- what’s up with zelda saying ‘but that must mean...!’ at the end of the scene. is it suggesting that she’s made the realization that rauru and sonia are the first king and queen of hyrule? because they literally tell her that like ten seconds before. i guess it’s suggesting she’s realizing she’s in the past but... idk the texts says ‘she’s left startled by a suspicion that she’s heard those names before’ yeah theyre the first king and queen of hyrule?? they tell her that. they tell her their names and that they are the first leaders of hyrule is she just now connecting the dots that she’s in the past? that’s what the next cutscene implies. but all of the surrounding dialogue and the description don’t suggest that that’s what she’s realizing i feel like this was kind of muddled in the translation
- why did sonia elbow rauru he was just standing weird he didnt say anything this isnt a nitpick im just confused. is it because he’s not being very empathetic towards what zelda’s going through? she elbows him and then she goes and talks to zelda why even elbow rauru. ordinarily you elbow someone like that if you mean for them to go do something why elbow someone if you’re going to do the thing you want anyways
- why doesnt zelda offer to help with the purah pad or anything like that. what happened to her sheikah tech fascination from botw. not even as someone actually familiar with the technology who could give mineru some points as to how it works
- what are sonia and zelda doing behind rauru when he shoots that insane fucking beam at the mulduga swarm they’re clearly doing something with their stones but like... are they amplifying rauru’s power somehow?? what do time powers have to do with the beam of light i dont- what were they doing please the text description only mentions him using his powers so are sonia and zelda just... supporting his powers? idk man
- dragon tear #5 is a whole can of worms with its worse-than-oot reenactment of that one scene from oot. why the focus on sonia and her tear btw. i mean yeah she dies to motivate rauru and zelda but like. why not aim for the new girl who probably doesn’t know how to use it as much and is probably more likely to be separate from the king who can shot insane lasers. im really not a fan of this scene for how strongly the game sides with rauru and zelda being passive and judgemental but ganondorf is literally the best part of it there’s a lot of character in just how he picks up his sword and stands up to leave
- putting memories 6 and 7 together just because of how there was just. no fucking care put into the idea of zelda learning to use her time powers. memory 6 zelda talks about wanting to use her time powers and sonia gives her tips on how she could use it and visualize the use of it and then in memory 7 she can just use it perfectly with great control and timing. why even bother talking about her nothing yet understanding how to use it when the very next scene she just uses it like it’s nothing. how much time has passed we get nothing to show us zelda trying to practice this power just. nope. she’s good she can use it perfectly. also more awkward dialogue sonia saying ‘what a picture zelda paints of him’ as she is. looking directly at zelda. change the line to like, ‘what a picture you paint of him’ she is literally looking right at zelda so why would she say it like that
- generally i feel like memory six should have been before 4 and 5 (4 being where she uses some power to... support??? rauru and it being before memory 5 so that there isnt this weird break in between the memories concerning ganondorf.) memory 6 does not have anything to do with memory 4 or 5 so just put it earlier so there isnt a weird shift in focus between the two big ganondorf scenes
- good god they introduce the idea of sonia and zelda being aware of ganondorf using a fake zelda but theres literally nothing about it having been a problem or them having experience or like. anything. they just TELL you that they know and suggest that it’s been like. a thing for a bit??? also obligatory ganondorf’s face model rigging is fucked comment he’s still the best part
- the pacing of these memories is just weird in general, memories 7 and 8 being separate but the same scene is strange when other memories are long as fuck but cover one event each, plus theres clearly barely any passage of time between memories 7 and 8 it almost feels like they were split up to fill space or just because otherwise it’d be... too long? man idk
- ‘queen sonia needs you!’ girl she is DEAD good fucking luck doing anything to help her
- ganondorf’s horse and its armor both look sick as fuck i really wish you got to see more of it outside the memory it appears in
- everything about the original sages honestly sucks. they aren’t characters they’re just walking macguffins. they have no names and are not relevant or mentioned or make any appearance until they are needed by the story. why does the zora sage talk about getting word about the attacked gerudo village in this scene when like. they’ve all met up and have clearly. been together for a bit. when she gives them the news it’s clearly the first they’ve heard of it... but... why would she wait until this moments to give this info unless for the benefit of the player watching the scene. why does the ZORA sage have this news and not... the gerudo sage?? what’s with the masks. they’re all made of zonaite or whatever sure theyre gifts from rauru but like. i hate that it kind of denotes them being subservient and lower than him and the zonai. honestly i really hate this scene in general mostly because of the uncomfortable showing of how rauru absolutely holds power over them and despite them being leaders as well they are expected to be wholly blindly loyal to him. rauru only gives them these stones when he needs their aid and they swear loyalty too him soon after but you also see that sonia and mineru have stones, too, so they’re clearly withholding these things despite it being kind of reasonable for him to give each race their own secret stone as further proof of their pact? there is so much shit to be said about the imperialistic themes or whatever in this fucking story and i really hate it
- i do kinda like how the next scene shows you that the one rock in the corner of that first hidden room in the forgotten temple is sonia’s grave
- zelda’s phrasing and description of how she and link found ganondorf is weird to me ‘he’s still alive’ ‘he lives on’ girl that was a mummy. he was not moving until you got there. he’s undead at best as far as you know. this is def a nitpick but eh. also the reliance on link is a... bit odd when zelda does not actually know that link is safe until she gets the master sword. its fine but still. also her shell-shocked expression after rauru talks about her being in the past for a reason is a bit... it doesn’t fit her emotion it’s kind of similar to the expression she had when sonia was killed
- the memory about the imprisoning war starts with practically the whole story up until now being repeated back to you by mineru with a decent amount of bias on mineru’s part and while it’s fine because of some of the extra stuff you learn but it does a lot more telling rather than showing when it comes to the actual imprisoning war and... idk the whole thing about their ‘fight’ kind of falls flat when you don’t actually see any fighting you just see that the sages have gotten their asses beat. i think it would have been a little interesting if in the god-awful repetitive sage-awakening scenes they had actually showed you the og sages fighting ganondorf instead of just. slow-mo freeze-frames for whatever. once again ganondorf if the best part of the scene
- the rest of the memories are fine idc
i get the feeling that the japanese-to-english translation was either all-around rough or somehow rushed, because some of the phrases in the game as well as some of the dialogue is really awkward and... could have been better. i don’t know how it works but it feels like a lot of it was very literal, direct translation and no one at noa thought that it ought to be tweaked just a little bit
these memories also do a fuck-ton of telling rather than showing and it really is like they don’t really trust you to connect the dots, and some of it does come off like they either didn’t want to make more memories or ran out of time or something. i felt like the memory of ganondorf just summoning his monsters and riding on his cool horse could have been a bit longer to actually show us the forces of hyrule fighting him and having a hard time with it
a lot of the character animations doesn’t have a whole lot of personality to them, ganondorf is the character who had the most distinct and interesting movements. rauru and sonia had their... singular movement (rauru putting a hand to his chin and sonia taking zelda’s hands) and zelda was kind of just... standing around and reacting to stuff, and neither mineru nor any of the other sages had any really interesting animations asides from mineru’s coughing fit in memory 16 (plus her reclining chair that was a nice touch). very few of their movements really express anything about the characters besides some really baseline values or traits.
the ordering of some memories is kind of odd, the excessive flashbacks in memory 17 are a bit much, the telling rather than showing, the sometimes awkward dialogue, a lot of the scenes are characters just... talking at each other, you don’t actually see very much of hyrule in the past or any characters beyond the main four, and it really did nothing to actually get me to care about these characters at all.
tldr i dont like totk’s dragon tears
#i didnt want to revisit this game but the memories in totk bother me. once im done with this tho i can go read my new volumes of berserk#salty talks#loz#legend of zelda#totk#literally the narrative of this game dragged the rest of the game through mud for me so im going to complain abt it more#any time i wanted to rewatch a part of a scene i have to sit through a few minutes of bullshit just to get to the point.#these things are so long and barely anything happens in them#half of these cutscenes are just characters standing around and talking theres so little actual character to most of the character movements#ganondorf has the most emotive and distinct movements in all of these scenes#they have the most personality and you get the most variety. with rauru and sonia its just. shes gentle n motherly hes uhhhh arrogant king#honest to god. i miss linebeck. i miss the way he was animated and the sheer amount of personality they gave him in every cutscene#fuck man i miss botw's memories. despite them being shorter (i'm pretty sure) i feel like there was more essence to them. more character#listen. i understand that gamedev is hard and so is writing and animating but like. this game is seventy fucking dollars.#despite him being so disappointingly one-note. ganondorf was the most interesting fucking character in these memories#finding the dragon's tears was fun but actually watching them was lame af#hey remember those posts i made about ph's cutscenes? maybe its the autism but i feel like i couldnt write those paragraphs abt totk#ig just. ph is my special interest and i have a negative bias against totk. if you think im dead wrong about this stuff go ahead.#i dont blame anyone for taking my words with a grain of salt. come to your own conclusions. if oyu like totk's memories cool!#anyways im done bye im gonna read berserk. which actually has a nuanced story and world and characters and a multi-faceted villain#totk spoilers#bitching abt totk
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Severed Destiny wip
tw: referenced death in childbirth
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Haj-deek had done as Orvas instructed, after a few days' deliberation. So far things had gone well with Almalexia, but...it still felt like a good idea to have some sort of a backup plan.
And that elderly man HAD had some pretty good knives, one of which she picked up for cleaning the fish she bought. It was good distraction from the Everything Else going on.
The discomfort started to heighten the day she noticed her room had been straightened up.
Mention had been made that as one whom Almalexia currently favored, she would find she was entitled to some benefit. Namely, having her room tended to by the same servants that took care of the rest of the place. And when she protested (minding her words and trying to sound humble) at this, she was gently scolded and told to enjoy it.
Haj-deek took it and once the door was closed set about searching her things. There were a small number of things she was afraid of them finding...the robe with the Dagoth symbols, for example, she could probably explain away. It was the journal--her mother's journal that had her worried. Most of it would be fine if considered blasphemous by the Temple - she could say she wasn't following in the previous Nerevarine's footsteps. But the last few pages, the pages that so clearly outlined--
The robe seemed to be unexamined, or at least refolded well enough she couldn't tell if they'd looked at it. The dagger she'd brought with her was as she'd left it.
Her mouth was dry and her hands cold when she saw that the journal had been gone through. She read the whole thing quickly through again, thinking - something was missing, but what was it? She felt stupid not noticing it, but...the book had been moved, which meant it could have been read, and THAT was the important thing here.
She went to bed early, but it took her more than an hour to get to sleep with all that worry in her head.
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The sun was setting over the harbor in Ebonheart, but the moon did not show its face and so she was left in near darkness.
Even so, the harbor still felt--not entirely safe, but familiar, homey. Somewhere someone was singing a song she knew but couldn't place...it wasn't a sea shanty, that was the only definite thing she could pin down. She tried humming the tune she could make out, and it grew momentarily stronger.
Haj-deek looked out to the water. Sunchaser was somewhere in the distance, swooping for fish, and she smiled at the sight. Not the real one...but...
She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. The sound of the wind, the waves, the odd bell, and somewhere someone's windchimes--this, this was home.
I wonder if my mother ever felt this peace, or if that room was all she knew, like when we kept On-Wan there.
Im-Kilaya said that her mother had come there for her own safety, after being attacked, and the journal had explained as much. Vivec had finished the rest.
Vivec told them to keep an eye on her, but he never meant for them to attack her...
The darkness overhead shifted. It felt sorrowful and furious by turns.
Maybe it's my mind trying to tell me not to trust Vivec...because he was the reason she died, even if he didn't mean for her to...
A sudden bolt of pain. The black clouds overhead turned grey and began to weep.
How did she die?
Her thought. Or maybe not her thought...it was too confusing. But if it was him, it was better not to outright refuse.
She took a deep breath and thought back to the little she could remember. The harbor shifted and once more she was in the Argonian Mission, with Ukawei overhead and Im-Kilaya somewhere in the back. They were saying things she couldn't quite catch, but she could tell they were meant to be comforting.
The scent of blood, however, was not. Someone somewhere said it was too much, and then Ukawei said something.
Then the sudden cry of the babe, and Sadara pleading to hold her baby. More tears as she slipped the Moon-and-Star onto the tiny wrist, declaring the child to be as cursed as she had been.
"She looks like you..."
(A stab of pain so deep, so agonizing, that the fog gathered around the edges of her vision. She wanted, suddenly, to wake up, to run away from that anguish as fast as she could.)
And then a word, a word Haj-deek couldn't remember hearing the last time she'd seen this memory. A word spoken as the room was going dim, so softly it was barely audible at all.
"...Voryn..."
Then, blackness. She tried to shift the dream back to the harbor, but found she couldn't.
#if you want to reblog this to add that meme of the stick figure crying while pointing at someone else also crying#go right ahead I was trying to find it and couldnt#thats how i feel right now#morrowind#nerevarine#dagoth ur#fanfiction
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also old art
#who is this?#I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE IT WAS JUST IN MY DRAWINGS FOLDERS#AND THERES A SHIT TON OF FOLDERS#lineless art#lineless drawing#lineless style#are there any implications behind this drawing? no. i just couldnt be bothered to draw the mouth#not kidding i was just too lazy to draw the mouth#but if you want there to be meaning then go ahead#art#old art#old drawing#old art spam#nemi rambles#nemi draws
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ha
#this nigga never even took the time of day to comment or react to the shit i post like sable does. 5 seconds. takes 5 seconds#nor did he ever take any interest in ANY of our MULTIPLE shared blogs and things#never fucking added to any of it. never helped me maintain any of it. didnt even fucking draw with me half the time#this nigga was a BUM straight up#he was good at getting me material things but thats not even what mattered in the long run its just the simple shit#of showing that you care and showing that you wanna move forward in some way that isnt just in your head#i couldnt even ever be booed up anywhere with him because of how hostile theyd get to fucking everyone around them#just like with everyone else it was all about what *they* fucking wanted and what *they* fucking wanted to do#all the shit i like? the shit im interested in ? fuck it its stupid straight up#oh but its repulsive the way i wanted to seek out comfort and care somewhere else 😐 thats “emotional cheating”#bitch please be forreal for once in your life. and the fact this all went down like this while we were broken up is crazy.#like ur not my nigga. i can kiss up on whoever i want. if ur behavior keeps driving me away from you after we split... well#thats just not my problem btp#“what you did to that poor boy” bitch you better get outta here with that fukin nonsense that is a grown ass man first of all 😭😭#but go ahead and keep babying him since thats ur job now and not mine LMFAOOOO bet youll get tired of it real fast#this whole situation is just goofy
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let's say, theoretically, i finally got around to watching pmtok... any recommended let's players? :D
OOOUGH YAAAY MEETING MY WONDERFUL FRIEND OLIVIA!! YAY
im gona b honest though i dont actually remember finding many pmtok lets plays? at least that i can remember enough to recommend bc i have tge memory of a little bug of some sort </3
my go-to for most games i like is to recommend holly hollowtones vods bc she's always super fun to watch and i enjoyed her pmtok ones a lot! the only catch is holly's vods tend to also be. incredibly long. but if you're okay with that or even just putting em on in the background then holly is really really good. i know vinny vinesauce also played it and i remembered enjoying those vods a lot as well and theyre definitely on the shorter side compared to holly's bc he's not as big on like the collectables and optional exploration/dialogue and stuff but there's really nothing too major story-wise that you'll miss by watching him
#skye's ramblings#AAUWAU bestie it has been a very long time since ive watched any playthroughs my attention span is so low </3#sad too bc failboat actually started streaming it when it released and those were a blast. his stuff is always really really fun to watch#unfortunately he stopped after finishing chapter 2 bc his commenters couldnt shut the fuck up wrt spoilers n he stopped having fun w it </3#waugh im not a great person to ask for tjis but if any of my lovely pm/tok friends would like to weigh in. go ahead <3#i really love holly though bc she shares my incurable need to find and interact w every little thing a game has to offer. oouh shiny dialog#but anywayay YAAAAAAAAAAY MY FRIEND OLIVIA. POINTS AT YOU WITH MY HAND VERY BIG. OLIVBIA FROM VIDEOS GAME#datastate#shrimps squad
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hmm, i dont know. no one gave you permission to start pissing yourself, did they? i certainly didnt.
no you didn't 🥺 but I couldn't wait that long!! I waited as long as I could without having an accident >_<
#if you want to punish/bully me go right ahead#because goddamn i truly couldnt have held one second more it was starting to pour out#omo#askiber
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feeling a bit miffed and frustrated.. just had a simultaneous spanish interpreting class and we had to go into the booths and just. sim interpret from spanish to english. but i have not used the booths before, nor have i done any kind of simultaneous practice. i feel like my classmates have all done like english speech shadowing in lesson to practice. but i haven't done that. my sim lessons have been sight translation and memory exercises. so of course i fucked most of it up where others didn't. and i just kind of feel like an idiot who is onthe wrong fucking course. basically.
#helia rants#helia's ma adventure#i dont want to be all woe is me but i just. everyone is being taught different things across their languahes at different ti.e#evidently french and german - bc they share a teacher - have done skills that i have not come across#as the only student not doing french or german#but when they assure you in induction you focus on english -> english interpreting for the first couple of weeks#i wasnt exactly ready to go ahead and interpret from spanish SIMULTANEOUSLY#like i couldnt even use the booth equipment and i feel like that shouldve been a fucking hint#she's given me advice on how to practice for sim going forward#but boy. boy.#i am not in the best mood now
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every time i remember that im an adult that lives by myself and is financially independent my brain crashes like a lenovo laptop running windows 7
#misc#life comes at you fast when youre going 30 over the speed limit#as someone who isnt even 22 yet i am kind of worried that i grew up too fast but i also didnt really have a choice.. everyone always thinks#im like 25 or something and its like actually i couldnt even drink last year @_@#i dont really feel like im getting ahead but#more like im just tryna fuckin make it thru the week and i cant comprehend ppl my age goofing off at every possible moment. dont you guys#have bills to pay or some shit#i do miss having a part time job bc shit was so much different this time last year but i also need to eat
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my experience with percy jackson is kinda funny in hindsight because reading the first book for the first time i was like 'no way...thalia mentioned!!!!'
#the fool speaks#for clarity - i read the third??? book in elementary school before the others because i needed to get a higher reading level book from#another class and was very shy so they just asked if i wanted percy jackson and handed me the third??? book. it was. as you may have guesse#a tad confusing#and my memory of it is not great thalia was the only character i could really remember. i guess apart from The Percy Jackson.#so anytime they'd talk about the tree and thalia i was like I Know That Tree. I Know That Name#i always wanted to actually read the series from the beginning but never got around to it because a girl in church talked about#how she couldnt even read it anymore because of the gay character#now i am gay and finally reading again! its fun! i love being a nerd again!#(yes i cannot wait to meet nico for real LMAO)#Anyways i finished the first book! love how percy's adhd was portrayed! im going to pick up the second one from my library soonish#if it's in. but i have two books ahead of it an im torn on which book i should read#my heart wants to continue percy jackson but i probably should be getting started on one of these two...#one of them is probably mid at best though T_T#also i do want to watch the movies now that i have read the book so i can understand just why it was disliked. i cannot remember the#movie that well either. the first half of the book seemed pretty similar to what i remembered. the ending was definitely different#i assume thats the majority of the issue? but as i said. cannot remember it that well.
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HAD THE. CRAZIEST INSANE SEQUENCE OF EVENTS AT UNIVERSAL TODAY
#okay. in line for our first ride we notice the couple behind us is british and we're like omg! thats fun. dont hear a lot of british accents#so we like move on. and go to our next ride. and notice behind us there was a group of british teens#and we were like omg! what a fun coincidence. hahahaha. anyways :) and we left and went to our next ride#and as we got to the end we saw this guy arguing about the fact he couldnt bring his backpack onto the ride#so he left to put it in a locker and went. “sorry i cant get on” in. YOU GUESSED IT. A BRITISH ACCENT.#and they had a little kid so we were like OMG. 3 diff british families thats so insane. and like little kids with accents are always so fun#so we leave like. are we on punkd? this is wild. and we go to another ride. No British people around. but.#as we get to like the ride area the door isnt open#so i turn to my friend like should i just open it myself? and i hear. from the family who's going in with us.#'just go ahead and open it love'. SHOCK#DISBELIEF. A FOURTH FUCKING BRITISH FAMILY. COMPLETELY SEPERATE FROM THE OTHER 3. ALL IN A ROW.#we leave in a daze. surely thats just insane. so we go to the other park and get on our first ride. no british people#we think okay. its finally over. go to another ride. still no british people. like i guess the curse is lifted lol!#and as we are walking to our next ride i am physically blocked by this family. and as i go to complain about it what do i hear?#TWO LITTLE KIDS SPEAKING IN GERMAN. TWO GERMAN CHILDREN. WHAT THE FUCK.#i start flipping out because in all my years of living in orlando i have never seen a german tourist. thats crazy.#and after all THAT? MY GOD!#we leave the ride in a daze. and we decide to go on one last ride (a harry potter one)#of course i have the thought like lol. there should be a british family here itd be appropriate#and as we're walking up i see another guy getting told he has to put his backpack in a locker. as a joke i turn to my friend and say#'i cant get on!' in the same accent as that guy from all those rides ago. as a funny reference to ourselves#and as i step closer what do i hear exit this mans mouth? A FUCKING. SCOTTISH ACCENT.#I FELT LIKE I WAS IN A FEVER DREAM. WHAT THE FUCK. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN#i have NEVER seen so many british people in my entire life. ALL IN ONE DAY.
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i hate that i have to car shop and therapist shop at the same fucking time
#the loneliness is already so crushing. being disabled and alone is so hard.#having to do this in the time of covid is so miserable i couldnt possibly appropriately articulate it.#i dont have a home in the world and i dont have a home in my body. its going to so so long before i feel at home again.#and i still have to stay here in the corpse of the only life ive known and wanted for years until the end of September#god i wish love was enough. god i wish i was enough. i wish i was stronger. i wish so much of me hadnt atrophied over the last 2.5 years#and im so lucky. im so fortunate. im so incredibly fortunate to be where i am and have the opportunities and community i do.#and still it feels like being tied to a lightning rod and knowing you have all of storm season ahead of you#it feels like pulling out my guts and walking around empty while i focus on neatly coiling the slippery tangle#it feels like being the hunter and the buck. i have to bleed and dress myself if i want to survive the winter.
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