#no homes

[aromanticduck]

There's wholesome ships and there's toxic ships, but I'd like to coin 'sodium chloride ships', where the individuals involved are both horrible and dangerous people, but somehow being together renders them surprisingly well-adjusted (if a little salty).

[cartoonsinthemorning]

Since you guys liked Marcille as Kermit that much, it seems fitting to thank you for my 12k milestone with MORE Kercille. And this time, Miss Falin is also here.

Thank you so much again everybody! MWAH 💗

[lambergeier]

the real danger of spending too much time with friends is you stumble out of ten days of happiness and good food like oh my god THAT was real life. my job means NOTHING

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[theriverbeyond]

i must not get takeout. takeout is the wallet-killer. takeout is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face the kitchen, fridge, and pantry. i will make choices about what to cook and then execute them. when hunger is gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.

[emberwritesinsight]

The discussion around Ariel TheLittleMermaid baffles me bc if my dad literally destroyed a bunch of stuff I collected in front of me in a terrifyingly violent display of anger and I had a witch offer me an out if I could score the boy I thought was hot, my name would be on that dotted line before you can say "poor unfortunate soul". What do you mean she's stupid, her dad ravaged her Special Interest Cave like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, I would also run the fuck away

[aximili]

tbh the fact that cats purr was an unnecessary bonus we don't always acknowledge. they're already cute and baby and little and soft and make silly noises and do funny shit. but they also like to cuddle and make a soothing pleasant noise to indicate they are happy when they cuddle you? huge. huge for the human race.

[bethfuller]

limited perception.

find me on instagram!

[podcastwizard]

cashier: ok that'll be $20

me (visibly sweating): ah, yes, of course! a perfectly reasonable price for a grilled cheese and a small smoothie! that was exactly the price i expected you to say when i ordered a single grilled cheese and a smoothie and my vision is NOT getting blurry as we speak! i am a perfectly normal temperature and my speech patterns are natural and even because this is the countenance of an individual who expected to pay 20 american dollars for a single grilled cheese and a smoothie!

cashier: where's all that blood coming from

[katsigian]

Changing my belief system from "this is the hill I'll die on" to "this is the hill I'll kill you on" has done absolute wonders for me 10/10 do recommend

[sabertoothwalrus]

girldad mode activate

[landsccape]

[bookwyrminspiration]

I can behave normally around books

[slavicafire]

sobbing into my plate after overhearing a conversation between a mom and her tiny daughter in this shopping centre food court

[idoodlestuffsometimes]

I need to share how the IT guy at work greeted my department on CrowdStrike Blue Screen Friday. Never have I seen a man so shocked by the sight of perfectly functional computers

(They were off during the update)