#no he had to have known before. he just didnt give a shit

[francy-sketches]

Do you think robert was at least a little bit embarrassed when he found out ned named his kid after him like 'ah shit i should have named one of the little fuckers nedd or something huh'

[tenderjock]

i do think the most interesting interpretation of btvs lore is that non-vampire demons and mystical entities ALL have souls, unless they sold, destroyed or otherwise got rid of them (like the mayor)

[thatdeadaquarius]

Hello there, friend I'm here for fluff

OK, this has been on my mind for a while

But like

The reader is just becoming the biggest parent to the Benny's adventure team kids

And the wolfs

We are like a parent of like 27

Knitting and making food brushing razors hair(let's be for real, you would hear a crunch when you brush it)

I'm not gonna lie

Do these kids know what spices are?

Cuz when I think about it

Razor hasn't had shit so he's has the least tolerance for spice

He would probably cry if you feed him a pepper

Bennett has tried spicy food but does go well with it

And not completely sure if fischl has had a spicy food before

But what flavor does mondstadt add to their food??

These kids need the damn flavors

AHDHAKALL FERAL ANIMAL AQUARIUS- ANOTHER PLATONIC ASK AAHHHHGGGGDJJSFHSAK!!!!!

AND ITS YOU!! ITS- ITS- ONE OF THE WRITING RULERS OF SAGAU (FOR ME AT LEAST) <3 !!!!!!!!

You cooking in genshin all anime studio ghibli style looking like food from god (literally): ⬆️

Sun: Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: Headcanons-ish

Stars: Benny’s Adventure Team! (Bennett, Fischl, Razor), Diluc, mentions of other Mond characters

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: mild cussing, & Trigger Warnings: none known.

Please comment if I missed any. /gen

☆

^^ The posts being referenced in ask, (OG Razor ask) (Benny + Razor) and a more direct sequel, a part 2? a part 4 atp?? of this post (Imposter/Not Dark AU + Razor + Diluc) ^^

OMFG

ALRIGHT LISTEN UP BITCHES

SINCE UR IN TEYVAT

YOU GONNA COOK LIKE TEYVAT

AS IN-

SHIT BE SUPER EASY TO COOK, AND MASS MAKE DEPENDING ON COMPLEXITY OF DISH

(So, like Zhongli's special Bamboo Shoot Soup is like getting made... once a year if you read the little desc. for that dish 💀)

AND THEYRE ALL LIKE-

ANIME GORGEOUS FOODS ✨️❤️‍🔥

OKAY SO

PROMO TIME-

U GUYS HAVE TO WATCH THE ANIME "CAMPFIRE COOKING IN ANOTHER WORLD"

Bc that's mostly where this inspo gonna come from to both be realistic cooking + best parts of video game cooking

A guy gets isekai’d and instead of hero powers he just gets the skill of "online grocery shopping" LMAO

and ofc he gets insta gifted whatever he orders and starts making dishes and adding spices and regular stuff you know. like soy sauce.

but the best part is the food in that world is like British medieval soup shit

like barely salted, no spices definitely, no sauces, its barren

so he ends up attracting all kinds of interest that want to eat his cooking ofc

And it gives buffs too!

dw i didnt spoil anything u don't learn in the first episode, but that's just to say that's exactly whats happening here

u DO have to manually collect more ingredients but its so worth it, also u can just buy in bulk or put a commission thru the adventurer guild

tbhhh now that i say that, that could be how u end up drawing in Benny’s Adventure Team even more, bc they just take all ur quests for collecting ingredients around Mond!!

(u have to actively sneak behind their back and whisper to Katheryne that you want to put in other food quests in other guilds tho, silly kids will absolutely go running around Liyue and crazy shit just to have an adventure and do smth for you + eat ur banger food lol)

omfg the first time u barbecue smth???

the wolves, Razor, and Andrius??? Go feral.

Fischl and Benny who were already on their way to u guys to hang out again start booking it thru the woods, dodging hilichurl camps (thatve since settled down and been v peaceful to the wolves + anyone in the woods of Wolvendom after u started living there)

they knowww ur cookin smth fucking amazing

(and u even have some hilichurls and mitachurl that wander close to Andrius’ edge of the woods to shyly beg for scraps,, u give them a portion)

Razor was actually lookin at u like u hung the stars just for him when u gave him a homemade barbecue sauce to put on his food

(u acc may have done that to Teyvatians according to Andrius + the stories u overheard from Springvale…)

ok but the amount of begging u get for desserts like-

No, Razor u cannot have chocolate cake/cupcakes after every meal, u need to take care of ur teeth

(u use ur collection of mora-monster-donations for comms for more ingredients and living supplies like fabric + furniture, u cant afford dental on top of that for ur boy)

Fischl dutifully declares you the “best chef in the kingdom” and writes down all ur recipes (u have them auto-stored in ur settings obv but it cant hurt to have a physical copy, and they look so happy doing it, u don't have the heart to tell them its not necessary-)

Benny insists on both giving u extra ingredients when he takes ur commissions, and giving u handmade trinkets or weapons for the meals!!

No!! He will not take “im good” for an answer!! ur sharing ur home-cave with him, taking care of his best friend Razor, and now feeding him food better than Liuli Pavilion!!! There’s no way he can just take all that and give nothing back!!!!

and theyre not the only ones getting some food tbh

when the knights begin patroling near Wolvendom and slowly all of Mondstadt to search for their “All God”, u break up the beginnings of a fight between 2 confused knights and the now peaceful hilichurl camp at the edge of Wolvendom

U offer some snacks u were going to give Benny’s Adventure Team when they got back (u made little triangle sandwiches, rice balls, etc. finger foods, and u made plenty extra bc u kno their teenage appetites lol)

the knights and hilichurls nearly cried with appreciation, which made for a hilarious sight when the teens actually showed up lmao

ur wearing ur cloak, bc u dont wanna take on that whole “creator of worlds” title just yet, and the kids helped verify u werent anyone suspicious (Benny + Fischl keep ur godly secret, theyre the best like that 🥰)

the knights just swing by for snacks occasionally (they also either pay u in trade or with mora, theyre not bullies)

another person who gets flavored food privileges is the lazy librarian witch herself

u also sometimes pick Razor up from Lisa’s tutoring and bring “the best tea and tea snacks in the world” along with to share with Lisa and him

(she is also fully aware after awhile of meeting u of what u are, and fully believes this is why the food must be enchanted to be so good, but u dont want to be treated super reverently she can tell, so she keeps ur secret too and is just extra flirty when u come by lol)

(Razor refuses to let his pare- Lupical move out of ur cozy cave to the library, so he sometimes hauls u away when Lisa flirts too much LMAO)

…and the moment you've been waiting for.

Yes, Diluc got to try ur food that night he was searching Wolvendom for signs of the god of Teyvat

tbh Diluc was half-convinced that shit was a fever dream.

a bunch of sleepy wolves, a coffee table in the stone colosseum, a giant spirit wolf licking a big plate clean, the wolf-kid glaring at him, and you.

you with gold eyes, staring right thru his soul, like you already know everything there is to know about him, (like the way Kaeya looked at him that night),

like he doesnt even have to introduce himself

and he doesnt, u just lightly smack Razor’s hands until he gets rid of his claymore w/a pout, since Diluc had long since dropped his,

and grab a plate, piling on what leftovers u could, and turn back around from the coffee table to smile at him, patting the cushion-seat beside u for him to join

The giant glowing wolf licks his lips and watches him, the wolf-kid’s creepily watches him, and you, with eyes gold in teh light of a simmering bonfire just past the table, watch him

he just sits down and begins to eat.

its the best food he’s ever had, its his dad’s favorite dish, but not realistically, but the way memory embellishes a dish so much it can never be tasted again, except its right here. in front of him. u pour some wolfhook juice for him, and offer him a napkin to wipe his mouth and eyes

Diluc visits often after that, obviously.

u give him snacks too, and when he lets the staff try some, Adeline will not stop harassing him abt gettin ur recipes/ingredeints so u get him to pay Fischl to get a copy of their recipe book :)

including blank pages for future entries, and Fischl is literally glowing with happiness, would not stop monologuing abt ur food for weeks (send help Oz wants some peace and quiet sometimes)

Oh Diluc absolutely told the Favonius knights he found you. But he’s not saying where LMAO

Jean is actually begging him, Diluc ik u hate the knights but this is an international investigation-

this is the closest Diluc has ever gotten to getting under Venti’s skin.

when he told him this at Angel’s while bartending, he just casually ofc said this, just his smug little smirk, and the anemo god cracked a glass and everything- esp when he said he tried ur cooking??

he's gotta start looking over his shoulder in the city bc not only is Venti stalking him, the entirety of Mondstadt’s citizens are glaring at him in envy everywhere he goes LMAOO

(Venti now has a bar glass or too on his tab to pay off as well)

mans is literally paying u in weapon/artifact materials/mora to make him lunch one day and Venti nearly lunges over the counter

(Diluc purposefully ate it in front of him 💀)

ur food is the ultimate, “u could make a religion out of this!” /ref

like Diluc fully gives u offerings of ingredients he can pay for shipping from other countries + along with regular materials after grinding in domains

does the rest of Mondstadt + the world find out where u are?

only if Diluc lets them tbh. LMFAO

☆

bk trashfire my beloved <3 love ur ideas and stuff, goes without even saying im so sorry i took actually forever to respond :’(

hope u have a great weekend and i did this little side story justice for you

Safe Travels BK Trashfire,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡my beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck / @questionotmystopit / @chinuneko / @silvers-tongue

@kiyomi-uchiha777

[imwetforyourmom]

my first fic posted on tumblr!! hope yall like, and if you do lmk if I should make more or js stick to edits

warnings: fluff ig, swearing and idk

Jealous.

christopher.sturniolo

504,678 likes

christopher.sturniolo 🏀

Y/nn And suddenly I have the desire to be a chris girl

\

christoper.sturniolo oops

\

matthew.sturniolo What the fuck

User Y/N IS FOUL FOR THATT

User y/n really said "switching sides..."

nicolassturiolo damn thats gotta suck @matthewsturniolo

\

christoper.sturniolo my bad bro

User I can hear matt crying in a corner

\

nicolassturniolo real

\

User damn bro, I was joking but ok

y/n was sitting with nick on the couch, both were scrolling on their phones. that was before matt came into the room, dragging his feet on the cold marble floor. y/n looked up at the sound of footsteps, and saw her boyfriend, whom was clearly bothered.

matt walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, glancing around the fridge. y/n felt a little disappointed that he didn't acknowledge her, didnt even look at her once. she threw her phone to the side and got up from the couch, she walked to matt and wrapped her arms around matts waist from behind. his body tensed at this, and y/n couldnt help but notice.

"what's wrong baby?" she asked, her face nuzzled into his shoulder blade. he shook his head in return and continued looking through the fridge.

y/n wasn't happy with that answer but if her boyfriend didnt want to talk, then she wasnt going to force him. he'll talk when he wants, she thought.

there was no denying matt didnt want to relax into y/ns touch and give her all his love, but he was upset with her and he was planning on showing that he was upset.

he grabbed a pepsi and closed the fridge door, before subtly moving out of y/ns grasp. grabbing gently onto her wrists and removing himself from her warm and comforting embrace.

once he had gotten out of her arms he sighed of relief, of no longer having to fight the urge to hug her and pepper her with kisses. the overwhelming urge was soon to get him but he wasnt going to let it get to him that fast.

y/n put her arms at her sides and looked up at him, slightly confused but also understanding that if he wanted to move she'd have to let go.

matt glanced at her, then at his pepsi. fighting every fiber in his being not to kiss her head and tell her how much he loves her. he shook his head before looking at her one last time, taking in her features. how beautiful she looked, wearing one of his hoodies paired with his sweatpants and her hair down and slightly messy.

he muttered "fuck" under his breath before leaving the kitchen, needing to leave asap to hide the fact he wanted to shower her with all his affection.

y/n stood awkwardly as matt walked away, feeling rejected, but also a little relieved that she was no longer under his gaze as she was getting slightly insecure of how she wasnt dressed up and her hair was messy.

she stared as matt walked away, she thought about what all she could've done wrong. maybe he didnt want to be bothered? or maybe he didnt want to be touched, and she had just touched him.

but it didnt cross her mind that maybe what she commented on chris' instagram post might've hurt his feelings.

y/n followed matt, she felt she needed to get to the bottom of this. what had hurt matts feelings?

she opened matts door quietly, she took a peek and saw that matt was sitting at his desk, headphones on and on his phone. matt wasn't facing her, but rather facing his desk. so honestly, if y/n wanted she could creep up on matt and scare the shit out of him. but she decided against it, speaking of how it'd only make him more upset than he already was.

y/n shut the door behind her and walked to matt, she placed her hands on his shoulders, rubbing and massaging them. at an attempt to make herself known and also try not to scare him.

matt jumped slightly, but quickly recognized the hands currently touching his shoulders to be y/ns, as he knew her body more than he knew his own.

he took off his headphones and placed them on the desk, in case y/n wanted to talk. so now she knew he was listening.

"matt, sweetheart. tell me what's wrong. please." she asked, her hands keeping a pattern on his shoulders. rubbing her four fingers into the top of his shoulder and lower while her thumbs dug softly into his shoulder blades.

she knew this action both made him feel good, but also kept him at ease, like she'd want him this whole conversation. at ease.

matt let out a deep breath before leaning his head back into the chair and spoke quietly, "im- I just dont like what you said on chris' instagram post." even if it was something small and stupid that he knew for a fact he could get over easily, he felt a little jealous and insecure.

"I love you sweetheart, I can delete it and- and- ill do anything to make you feel better," she spoke with her tone gentle and calm. understanding that what she said on the post must've been wrong and matt didnt like that.

"im sorry baby." she kissed his cheek, and continued rubbing his shoulders. matt felt better and reassured, knowing his girlfriend didn't actully like like chris.

"thank you, y/n. I forgive you." matt leaned his head to the side and looked into y/ns eyes, seeing that guilt was clearly evident in her facial expressions. y/n looked down at him and smiled, she glanced down at his lips and pressed a small kiss to them, then she pulled away and kissed the tip of his nose.

989 words.

tags for my favorite ppl

@luverboychris @worldlxvlys @hysteria-things @gamermattsgf @inlovewithmattstur @plasticferal

[gamblersdoll]

did yall miss him? masturbation, semi cheating, pretty mild.

sanemi was exactly the boy best friend you told your current boyfriend not to worry bout, because you thought that sanemi was actually just really smart, and caring about you and your feelings and relationships.

you thought sanemi was just never really out, so whenever you and your boyfriend get into a huge fight, he always offered you a night to stay at his place.

you thought sanemi was just kind hearted to you since he respected you, and knew exactly how to handle yourself.

you thought sanemi was just in alot of previous relationships so he knew how certain things were.

well, he did care about you, so to speak. but he wanted you to just be under the impression that he was your best friend, knowing what he himself was after. see, he wanted this to happen, both of you getting close before your boyfriend shows up and then make the boyfriend look crazy.

because he was, because he knew exactly what sanemi was doing. but you were.. you, you didnt know what bro codes were or how they played. yu didnt know any of that, so you just thought sanemi was trying to help.

but what you didnt know what each time you came over in tears from your boyfriend spazzing out on you, he took a picture of you in his arms after sobbing yourself to sleep. whenever you showered at his place from the night before, he chokes his cock from breathing to the thought of the water running down your body. how he would always excuse himself to the bathroom to give himself slow strokes at a time, or even just pulling his cock out behind your sleeping frame, imagining himself slipping inside and staying there.

but what you didnt know was that he and your boyfriend have had private arguments, sanemi taunting him and saying ‘you know she comes home to me when you make her cry, right bud?’ and it always sets him off, then sanemi laughs in his face about it.

what you didnt know was that sanemi personally takes matters into his own hands to stalk— no, just do research on you to figure what kind of flowers you like, (hes shown up the next day giving you them, saying ‘even friends give each other flowers,’) for him to know what kind of sushi you love and crave every period, (hes shown up with the deep fried sushi, the extra eel sauce at that,) hes taken the time to know what is your favorite horror movie for the holidays. (came with all the dvds of scream for you.)

you didnt know anything, and thats all he needed. but yet, it could have been known, your boyfriend finding this out and making a scene of it, causing you to think.

“that white haired fuck is purposely knowing this shit just to get you on his roster, babe. why cant you see that?” the man asks, glaring at sanemi.

“yeah, you keep thinkin’ that, buddy.” sanemi says, scrolling on his phone nonchalantly. “its not a rocket scientist to figure what her favorite scream movie is.” he mentions, your boyfriend at a lost for words. “… you do know which one that is, right?”

you look to him, hoping and praying he at least hits close to home, but he failed at that.

“its was five, you sick fuck.” he growled, sanemi groaning and your heart shattered.

“.. its the original, dumbass.” sanemi says, shaking his head.

“the fuck— shes never even told me this shit!”

“if she repeat watches the first one, thats her telling you.” sanemi points out, eyes back to you and holding you close. “ look man, i dont know what your problem is, but its starting to piss me off.”

“baby, if you fall for this bastard that is only trying to get you on his dick, youre practically already on it.” he barks, sanemi pulling you back.

“look here, bitch boy—“ sanemi starts, but you get in the middle of it.

“enough, i want you out.” you say, looking down and biting your nail. you hear what sounds like what was supposed to be your boyfriend, but you correct him. “ i want you out, not sanemi.”

and he leaves you in a shout, saying youll talk tomorrow after he cools off and sanemi was completely gone, but it was useless.

“dont worry, tiny,” he pets your head, kissing your forehead at that. “we can watch the first one if you want? ill even bring some talenti.” sanemi coos, striking something in your heart and cunt at that moment.

and sanemi sends the photo of you passed out on his bare chest, sending it to your boyfriend— probably ex boyfriend now, because sanemi got what he wanted..

you.

[jadeoru]

SMUDGED LIPSTICK!

O2: chivalry -> prev / mlist / next

now playing: decode - paramore 🎶

Sakusa watched her perform on that stage, surrounded by lighting that hit her in an almost angelic way; illuminating her features. She danced around like she's lived in the spotlight her whole life. And he knows she didn’t. He recognised her upon the first glance. One brief look, and he knew exactly who she was. It would take a million lifetimes before he could forget her face. He tried to deny it at first, but its impossible. Standing on that stage, singing her heart out to a punk rock melody, was the girl he used to call his best friend. The girl he ruined everything with.

He hadn’t even noticed his jaw clenching until his teeth began to hurt. His head was spinning; overwhelmed with emotions that he couldn’t even name. Relief? Sadness? Regret? Grief? Honestly, his mind was a disgusting mixture of all of the above. If he'd known that she would be here, that he’d see her again for the first time in almost 4 years, a part of him would’ve wanted to stay at home and to never leave again. But, strangely, the other part of him would’ve left at the mere mention of her name alone. It's pathetic, he thinks. He constantly prayed for moments like these, where he’d see her again: A second chance to make everything better again. Now that he has it, he doesn’t know how to process it.

It’s all so unsightly. So messy. Everything is sticky: the floors, the tables, even his hair is clinging to his forehead with sweat. It’s evident that no one in the crowd has seen a shower in their lives; he can practically see the clouds of b.o that float around him. It’s everything he hates in one place; his head hurts and a part of him wants to go home, a part of him isn’t ready to see her again. But his feet are taking him forwards, his feet are forcing him through the crowd to get as close as possible. Closer to her.

Sakusa selfishly hopes that somewhere out there, there's a universe where he didn't say those words to her; a universe where he didnt ruin everything. a universe where they were still best friends. And if that exists,

maybe there's a universe where they could’ve been more than that.

His thoughts were rudely cut short when the music stopped. Then, among the drunken banter and the crowd chattering amongst themselves, he heard her voice.

“Thank you so much to everyone who showed up tonight! We hope you enjoyed the show because we certainly fucking did. You guys were without a doubt one of the best crowds we’ve ever had!” She spoke earnestly, yet exhaustedly, but overall she sounded just so happy to be up there. He admired that; how humble she was. Her voice was sweet like honey, just like it was the last time he heard it. Despite the shouting, the shakiness of her words as she struggled to hold her tears back, her voice was always so sweet to him. As he cleared his head from the memories of her, she left too. The band had finished their performance, and most of them had exited the stage. Except for their lanky drummer, and their bassist, who were helping the staff carry their equipment. As he searched the area for any trace of her, he finally noticed the obnoxious buzzing of his phone. Shit.

extra!

sorry this ones kinda short :-[

im gonna try have the next part posted within the next few hours to make up for it !

okay fact time

sakusa never opens up to his friends

he just doesnt want to like he genuinely doesnt bother cuz he knows they wont help him

they give terrible advice

nishinoya accidentally launched his guitar pick halfway through the set so he had to play the rest of the song with his fingers strumming

which fucking HURT

non au related but fun fact!! antigun was the name of the band im in before we changed it!!

TAGLIST: @gojoed @anianurst @sleepy-writer84 @itsdragonius @yuminako @wolffmaiden @tenjikusstuff4 @juie13 @ilyless @petrus1989 @aria-in-wonderland @arachnoia @sugarrhiccupp

dm me, reply to this, or send me an ask to be added to the taglist ^__^

[ivysprophecy]

slim pickins

warnings; bad date? mentions of sex, cursing underage drinking and yes i meant for it to be written poorly i was trying to keep the humor of the album in the writing

no pressure tags; @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake

word count; 1911

summary; youre tired of not finding a decent guy who will treat you right and lay you right. at least not one you've known since you were kids. however you just cant help yourself. besides its slim pickins out here you take what you can get.

divider by @bernardsbendystraws

i wanna make one thing clear, when i say there are no good guys left i do not wanna hear about you and your boyfriend of three years that can cook and loves your mom.

thats exactly what im talking about maddie!!! i dont give two fucks that he took you to barnes and noble and bought you every book you wanted.

they are all taken. its plain and simple.

which is why even with a full roster, im stuck taking fucking zander, yes with a z, to my friends' kegger.

i mean yea hes cute. hes tall, built but not that gross kind of muscly. but if were being real i shouldve known better when he was joking about being a male stripper when hes a ginger.

and i can tell kie is judging me, rightfully so. her side eye is lethal. when i introduced him to everyone she asked him about his greta van fleet tee and he said he didn't even know it was a band.

needless to say pope had to drag her away.

after that incident i decided it was best if we tried to talk away from the rest of the group. boy was i wrong.

"so what do you like to drink? ill go grab us something," i offer trying to start the conversation, also avoiding the usual problem with taking a drink from men.

"im good with whatever"

i like to think im not a violent person, but im about to be.

"does a beer sound okay?" i ask him grabbing a twisted tea for me from the cooler.

"sure thing." god why is he acting like such a bitch? i should ask him if he's on his period.

i hand him the can, our fingers brush and its my final clue for the night that i am definitely not going home with him. no spark at all. hes done just about everything else to piss me off.

he did the thing where he licks his lips exaggeratingly looking me up and down, making a point to make sure i saw.

he walks so slow for being 6'3.

and finally he tried to mansplain my career to me. i'd had just enough when he opens his mouth again

"ew, you like twisted tea? who likes sweet tea?" his face contorted in disgust, it was about to contort from my fist breaking his goddamn nose if he keeps talking to me like this.

"we literally live in the south dude." my face could not make it any clearer i am so done with this guy.

"still, sweet tea is disgusting. im not kissing anyone that drinks that nasty shit."

"who said i wanted to kiss your nasty fucking mou-" i was interrupted by the sound of a very familiar giggle behind me as his arm wrapped around my shoulder, the smell of his deodorant and sea salt that cover his skin start to put you at ease.

jj was always there when you needed him, sometimes even when you didnt but right now you couldn't be more grateful. "im glad you found those mama i got em just for you. remembered theyre your favorite. right?"

and you wanna know the best part? zander is shaking already pissed off that jj is at my side. territorial i guess.

"you mind?" he asks him nodding his head at me like im not even there.

jj cant help but laugh at him "yea bud i do mind. she's hanging out with me tonight. have fun with your ipa dick." and with that he steers us off to where the rest of the pogues are.

but not before i can look over my shoulder and give the ginger an innocent smile and a shrug as if i had no control over the situation, when really id pick jj over anyone else.

"you owe me a big fat kiss mama," jj whispers in my ear walking us over to where our friends are standing, drinks in their hands laughing and chatting up a storm.

"in your dreams honey."

"every night all night," he quips back before i shove him off me.

now before you give me shit, jj and i have had our fair share of fun, but unfortunately im starting to look for something more serious.

watching john b and sarah be disgusting together is getting to my head. popes got something going on with cleo and im starting to recognize the pattern. and before i know it everyone will be in love if i don't start making an effort in that department.

random casual hook ups aren't doing it anymore, especially considering they aren't even that good.

unless theyre with jj.

but hes not an option, theres too much drama. too much history. too much too much too much. im not what he needs and i know for a fact he doesn't want me in that sense.

is that a bit dramatic? probably.

i mean hes a great lay, he's hilarious, he's got that blue collar kind of muscle, and he genuinely cares about me.

so of course im not going to date him, why would i?

what do you mean make good decisions? id rather do things in the most difficult way possible!

"y/n youve gotta stop giving those guys a chance, im starting to feel bad for you."

"you try finding a decent guy in a ten mile radius." i glare at him, obviously not wanting to joke about this right now.

he sticks his hand out in front of me, "fine i will. let me see your phone."

curious to see what he will do i hand it too him unlocked, he swipes and taps for a few moments, smiling down at the phone before handing it back to you.

when you look back down at the screen all you see is your instagram open with his stupid fucking smiley face on the screen.

he took a picture of himself and posted to my story. written on the screen in bubble letters in my favorite colored heart 'my favorite guy <3'

"i think he's your best bet." that same smile facing back at me now, cockier than ever. so smug i wanna kiss it off his face

i cant help but roll my eyes. "jj im serious! at this rate im going to die alone. every decent guy is taken or unavailable. all i want is someone funny, kind, and attractive is that too much to ask for?"

"im right in front of you mama you dont gotta look far."

"jj we both know we're not the serious kind of relationship im talking about."

"you can think what you want too but ill be here waiting for that kiss you owe me."

"i think all that tequila youve been sipping has gone to your head maybank."

he stands in front of me, taking his signature red cap off his head and putting it on mine smiling down at me, "what do they say in those books you read? you wear the hat you ride the cowboy?"

"this no ten gallon hat and you are no cowboy."

we laugh at each other, its always been easier to do that then actually talk about our feelings. so i put his hat back on his head, backwards the way he i likes it.

"cmon y/n/n, have a few more drinks, relax and hang out and ill make you feel all better later yea? its what im best at, you know."

"its gonna take more than a few more teas to convince me jj"

"what about that thing you like that i do with my tongue, huh mama? doesnt that sound pretty good right now? i think it does."

"i give you one fucking compliment and it goes straight to your head."

"technically its about my head so that makes perfect sense," he hands me another can with that stupid signature smirk of his and his stupid sexy hat backwards. i hate to admit it's working on me.

just like it does every other time.

i squint my eyes at him taking the can, rolling the idea around in my head. "fuck it. its not like anyone else is offering," i take a big sip of my drink.

jj pumps his fist in the air like a victorious idiot giving a few woots and hollars before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder despite my wishes.

"jb!!" he shouts turning around to face him, "we're headed out!"

john b looks at the two of us shaking his head at how im kicking my feet to wiggle out of jjs oddly strong grip. "make sure you change the sheets when youre done!"

oh my god he did not just say that. "fuck both of you!"

jj just laughs carrying you back to the chateau like a kid who's excited to use a brand new birthday present.

"what happened to letting me have a few more drinks before we left??"

"youre just too irresistable mama, gotta have you now,' he gives my ass a light slap for good measure causing me to roll my eyes for the 600th time tonight.

"are you gonna put me down now?"

he pretends to look like hes thinking about it, "i guess. only so i can watch you walk away," he does as he says helping me get my feet on the ground.

"youre a pervert."

"no im flirtatious, and you love it, you know it makes you blush i see it. now go on and give me a lil walk yea?"

oh im gonna kill him...

oh wait! im gonna kill him!

"okay... fine. but no touching until we get home," i smile walking away exactly like he asked, but i know behind me he is a puddle of mud. standing still, about to start begging me to let him.

he finally catches up after a few seconds "mama please- cmon thats not fair. you look too good in those shorts you know i cant wait that long. just wanna feel you."

i cant help but giggle at his words, its honestly adorable how mopey he gets. like i just kicked his puppy or something.

"hands of jj i mean it... not until that door shuts behind us."

it didn't really matter that i can see the chateau or that ill be there in literally a minute.

its actually painful for jj to not be able to touch me as he pleases.

i turn around to face him with a cheeky smile. "you want me maybank?"

and of course he nods so hard it looks like his head is going to fall right off.

"come and get me," running towards the house, i can see the moment when his reflexes kick in, his boots thudding against the ground as he gains on me.

just before i can make it to the poarch jj wraps his arms around me, lifting me a few inches off the ground and spinning me around in a fit of laughter.

"okay! okay okay okay you win- you got me."

"oh ive got you mama, and im havin you for the rest of the fucking night," he presses a kiss to my neck hauling me inside, the screen door slamming shut after us.

am i gonna regret this tomorrow? most likely.

but what can i say? its slim pickins in this part of town.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for not telling my friend that her husband is gay and cheating on her for months after I found out?

Okay so I really don't know what the right move would have been in this situation and I feel really bad about it.

So I, 28(f) have two childhood friends who I'll call Rose (28f) and Matt (28m). Rose and Matt started dating in school, married quickly after that and have been together for years. It had been a really fairytale relationship and honestly I was really jealous of their relationship for a long time, before this situation started.

So I was hanging out with a friend who didnt know Matt and Rose, who we'll call Ben (30m). We were chilling together and he got a grindr notification. We like to share like who were talking to, what the plans are etc and he showed me this guy he'd matched with and it was Matt. I freaked out, Ben was like "hey maybe theyve got an open relationship and you don't know" I was skeptical but I had to admit that there was a small possibility that was the case. Ben sent me screenshots of Matt's profile and their texts and I arranged to hang out with Matt by himself the next week.

So when we hung out I confronted him about it with the screenshots and he broke down and told me the truth. He's gay, he's known he was gay since he was 13ish, and he's terrified of his, very conservative, family finding out. I asked him if Rose knew, and he confirmed that she didn't and he's been telling her that he's visiting family/other friends and instead meeting guys from Grindr to sleep with.

I was trying to balance my support for him, because I really felt for him and his inner turmoil being closeted for so long - I'm bi myself and it took me a long time to feel comfortable sharing my sexuality with people - and my anger for him cheating on Rose. I was also concerned because he was just meeting randos and sleeping with them with nobody knowing where he was, like bad shit could happen and nobody would know. We talked for over 5 hours going over all aspects of the situation, and by the end of it he said that he was going to come clean to Rose and tell her the truth and theyd figure out what to do from there.

Matt never told her. I waited for two months before I pressed the issue because, well that's a huge thing to talk about and I didn't want to pester him any more that it needed to be pressed. But after two months, he hadn't said anything and I was like "hey, she needs to know about this. You have no idea if youve given her any stis from the number of people you've slept with. She needs to know." He said he was going to tell her when he got home. He didn't.

In fact, Matt never told her willingly. Two weeks after I confronted him for the second time, a different friend came across him on Grindr in an unconnected situation, and he sent the screenshot straight to Rose without talking to Matt first. She immediately left him. She got an sti test and he had given her gonorrhoea.

They're getting a divorce. His family is incredibly homophobic, so Rose and Matt have agreed that they will gender swap who he cheated with when talking to his family (I.e., admitting he was using dating apps to cheat and the number of times he'd cheated but claiming that all of that was with woman rather than men). Since then they haven't spoken and Rose has been staying with her family.

I've told her all of my side of what happened and while she understands why I spoke to Matt first, she says she's upset that I didn't tell her at the same time, as gonorrhoea usually takes about two weeks to develop in the system and she (direct quote) "might have walked away with a shred of dignity if I wasn't peeing fire while i come to terms with being a useful idiot."

I feel dreadful. Obviously the blame really lies with Matt for giving her gonorrhoea in the first place but I can't help but feel responsible for not telling her when it was clear he wasn't going to do it by himself.

Aita?

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 1 - the gc birth

in which two online friends navigate a romance through a minecraft groupchat with their stupid friends

or, newt, the quiet, stoic boy, and y/n, the bubbly girl both curse the world for keeping them apart, but at least they can send each other cute emojis and hope the other doesn't notice their blossoming feelings.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

notes: hi :p im very new to writing on tumblr (but ive always been a reader) so pls bare w me! and im trying to revert back to being 14 (im 23 lols..) so im revisiting my old favs including the maze runner/thomas (bc i binged the artful dodger and now im obsessed again). there will be non-text chapters in the future as well, when everyone eventually meets. this will be newt focused so enjoy !! also everyone is like a realistic age from 23 to 28

__

THE GLADE

[ 7:45 PM ]

alby added minho, y/n, newt, tommy, and gally

alby: Hello, guys.

minho: wtf is this

newt: uhhhh

tommy: hi :3

y/n: so this is why you asked me for my # in private

gally: i didn’t consent to this when i gave you my number

newt: don’t give strange men your number y/n

tommy: oh that’s y/n?

alby: Wait, Newt you had Y/N’s number already??

newt: yea

tommy: o.O

y/n: i gave it to him like two weeks after we met lmao

tommy: SO HE HAD YOUR NUMBER FOR A YEAR AND I DIDNT????

y/n: well he asked and you guys didn’t :p

newt: lmao

minho: ik he smug as fuck rn

not u asking for a girls number lmao simp

newt: stop

y/n: we all talk in discord anyways so i didn’t really think about it

plus you guys are friends irl so idk

it felt kinda weird to insert myself heh

minho: we’ve known you for a year and a half y/n

we play games all the time

call all the time

we even send packages and shit

you’re very much considered our irl friend

y/n: REALLY?? 🥺🥺

tommy: internet friends are real friends 😍❤️

minho: the heart eyes are crazy

but yes dude

newt: of course you’re our close friend. just cuz we live near each other and you’re a bit far away doesn’t mean we don’t adore you

minho: ADORE IS CRAZY LMFAO

but real ig

y/n: AWWWWW YOU GUYS LOVEEE MEEEEEE

hahahahha

HAHAHHAHJFIEKMGOR

I LVOE YOU GIYYYYSSSS IM PUTTING ALL OUR MINECRAFT BEDS TOGETHER LATER

gally: i do not want my bed to be infested by you guys

minho: gally sleeps in the corner

gally: no i dont i sleep in my mansion

y/n: cherry blossom mansion*

gally: and you sleep in a shed

y/n: cherry blossom shed* its pink and that matters.

tommy: love you y/n 😊🥰

y/n: love you tommy <3333

minho: that’s actually nasty stop now

y/n: u mad ur unloved

i love how the gc name is our minecraft town name :((

newt: aw it is

minho: can we talk about why tf this was made when we have a perfectly good discord

alby: I’m done with Discord.

newt: you got your shit hacked didn’t you mate

minho: mate 💀💀

british people so crazy

alby: Yes maybe..

I don’t want to make another.

y/n: or your old ass doesn’t know how to

minho: LMAO REAL

alby: Gonna ignore that. But I am getting too old for it. I have a new promotion at work so that means I won’t have time to play with you guys as much anymore. So I decided to make this groupchat in hopes to talk to you guys more to make up for it :)

minho: every group always has the old head with the job 💀💀

newt: minho admitting he’s jobless

minho: you work at a library be so fr rn

newt: i have an income. you have a room in your grandmas basement. we are not the same.

gally: LMFAOOOOOOO

minho: stfu :////

y/n: AWWWWWWW ALBYYYYYYY

tommy: YAAAY!!!!

im going to text you guys all day

tell you every meal

every thought

every interaction will be meaningful and glorious

newt: you are 24 years old you don’t have to do all that

minho: no fr im turning off my phone if he starts this shit

why not just do it before in the discord ??

tommy: easy access now and i tried before but stopped since no one really replied..

y/n: i say we all do it :D i will too tommy

newt: ok second thought that’s fine

minho: .

gally: that’s wild.

y/n: YAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!! NEWT YOU GO FIRST

newt: first with what

y/n: say what u ate today

newt: didn’t say i’d do it.

tommy: i ate muffin, monster energy drink, and hamburger :3333

you guys next

minho: that’s all you had bro..

y/n: hot cheetos and french fries and coffee :D

minho: ??????? BRO

how are you guys alive

y/n: it's my day off and no class so i just wanna rot in bed and that means no cooking

newt: please eat and drink water.

like for real and document it

y/n: ok wait

there

tommy: yum!

minho: y/n..

newt: cereal does not count

y/n: I DONT HAVE ENERGY TO MAKE ANYTHING OKAY

im a 23 year old broke college student my fridge is bare

newt: alright what do you want?

y/n: wym?

newt: like if you could pick.

minho: that’s so cruel 😭😭 just making her imagine it

i like it go on.

tommy: i want chick fil a

minho: i knew you hate the gays

tommy: I AM THE GAYS?????

y/n: ugh that does sound good

mmmm chickem sandiwh waffle fry I Want that Os mYch

newt: that’s what you would order?

y/n: mmmcm yeahshhhhh

newt: ok

minho: that’s it?

i thought soemthing would happen

tommy: me too

like a spell! magic 🪄

y/n: sigh

my cereal tastes bad now

newt: well it is cocoa puffs.

minho: L cereal

y/n: DTOP SAYING L ITS SO ANNOYITIGJNGGGGG

minho: she so madddd 😂😂 L

newt: you're annoying minho

minho: youre just saying that bc shes saying that

newt: no ive always said it. and i will continue to. youre fucking annoying

minho: who bought you your coffee yesterday

newt: ???

myself

and i paid for yours too

im the one with an income

minho: .

well i didnt think youd remember that well.

newt: it was literally yesterday.

minho: yeah but ur old

newt: IM THE SAME AGE AS YOU

minho: yeah but im 🤗✨ 26 ✨🤗and youre... 26😬😔

tommy: guys stop fighting

newt: we aren't fighting

maybe this gc was a bad idea

tommy: NO!!!!!!!!!

y/n: NOOOO!

tommy: this is like y/n is here w us irl

y/n: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

minho: no it's not. we would smell a foul stench if she was

y/n: i ahte you sooo bad.

wait there is a knock at my door im scared

newt: answer it

minho: aren't you supposed to say don't open the door for strangers ????

newt: well usually yes

y/n: no im not expecting company

newt: just do it pls

y/n: ok :D

minho: bruh..

i hope she gets robbed and u feel bad forever newt

newt: why would you want that

minho: bc she owes me money

newt: YOU owe ME money

minho: yes but i have a good reason she just wanted robux

tommy: Y/N DONT DO IT!!! I HAVE SEEN DATELINE

y/n: :o....

tommy: Y/N?????????

OH GOD THEY GOT HER

minho: why would she text a silly face if she got got

tommy: clearly its a surprised face

maybe its not her

its like those cut out magazine letters murderers use

y/n: who got me chick fil a!!!!!!!!!!

minho: me

newt: you literally did not

minho: shut up

y/n: newt it was u i see ur name on the receipt

newt: well

y/n: :(

newt: what why are you sad?

minho: im hungry too

y/n: u spent ur money :(

newt: you're hungry are you not?

minho: she's not but i am

y/n: yeah but..

i feel bad you shouldn't have

newt: just eat it or i'll be mad

minho: i think i want red lobster

newt: it's really no big deal y/n

y/n: thank you newt :(((((

newt: you're welcome

go eat and watch ur show or smth

minho: i owuld love to eat and watch a show rn <33 ohhhh im starving

newt: can you shut up

gally: im muting this gc if this means i have to deal with your guys' shit more than usual now.

minho: thank god

newt: good

tommy: good

y/n: good

the food is good too <3

newt: good.

_

lmk if you want to be tagged!

[payasita]

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

[kk43mi]

good girl.┊ scaramouche

PAIRING ┊ perv!scaramouche x innocent f!reader GENRE ┊ pure smut. WC ┊ 1.8k+ WARNINGS ┊ he’s a perv , panty stealing , corruption , dub-con(?) , praise(if you squint) , not proof-read, cussing , scara just being gross!!! , lowercase intended!! SYNOPSIS ┊ coming back from your college classes and hearing your roommate making little grunts and moans, calling out your name, thinking he was in pain—but turns out, it was more than that. A/N ┊ written by kam , hope you guys enjoy ! (melody helped with the process !) first fic.

"anything that needs to be clarified?" your professor asked as he finished writing the formula on the board, turning around to face the class in front of him as he rest his arms on the lectern. a still silence preforms in the room, as the only sounds heard can be from other students taking notes, pencil moving in motion on the wooden table. finishing up your notes, your professor had now dismissed the class, signifying that the lecture was now finally over. wanting to seek solace in your comfy dorm and avail yourself of well-deserved respite after a long day.

a groan falls from your mouth as you now exited the lecture hall, stretching out your arms while walking towards the direction of your humble abode, where you share the room with a long-known acquaintance, scaramouche. scara—for short is what you liked to call him. "ah, im hungry...ill just eat some instant ramen back at the dorms." you exclaimed. soon enough, you were now in front of your dorm, grabbing the keys from your pocket to unlock the wooden door that was in your way.

twisting and turning the knob, you entered your abode, then taking off and carelessly throwing your shoes with the other pairs of shoes that were lined up nice and neatly, too drained out from the lecture to really care about any mess you make right now. walking and passing by the other rooms, you had to pass your roomies to get to yours. which you had no problem at all doing, until you heard faint groans and grunts coming from the other side of the door. "n-ngh...uh...fuck...y/n.." falls out of scaras lips. and there you hear a thud coming from the room.

you knocked on his door "ah-? scara, are you okay? i heard a loud thud! did something happened? are you in pain?" you asked in concern, pressing an ear against the blue tinted door to make out what he would say next. "y-yeah im fine. just go away argh..." he sounded annoyed, did you perhaps bother him? you didnt mean to, all you wanted to do was figure out what had happened. you stopped your thoughts as he hear his footsteps approaching the door, seeing his shadow beneath the creak of the door, slowly and subtly retreating from the door, your gaze meets scaras purple orbs.

his irritated look gives it away and you immediately feel bad. "im sorry if i bothered you.." you muttered out quietly as he let out a scoff, walking towards the bathroom. your eyes follow his before sighing. turning to walk to your own bedroom, before the corner of your eyes spots something out of the ordinary from his room. his room was usually just filled with neutral colors like white, grey, and black, but you spotted a pink cloth on his black bedsheet. out of curiosity, you enter the room, going closer to the object before realizing what it was.

"what the..? my underwear?" you looked in confusion, why would your panties be in scaras room? observing the undergarments a bit more, you spot little wet patches on them. and a weird smell emitting from it...maybe...this could explain the reason why the quantity of your panties had reduced. so scara has been the one stealing them?! you had lost your trance of thoughts after hearing a door slam shut behind you, making you turn around, "well, well look who we have here, y/n. figured it out hm?" he said, followed by with a menacing laugh, it sent shiver done your spines, waiting for your response as he leaned against the door with his arms crossed, looking down at you with a shit eating grin.

"you perv! youve been stealing my underwear!" you gritted your teeth, absolutely disgusted with your roommate. "and? what of it. not my fault youre wearing those kinds of underwear. i really cant control it yknow?" he grinned at you as he retracted his arms and took a couple steps towards you. the sudden instinct made you grab your garments, and throw it up at his face, but the quick motherfucker he was, he caught it. "well that wasnt really nice now was it?" he said before bringing the used panties to his nose, inhaling the scent of the soft pink undies, the smell of his pre-cum and your heat mixed in together brought him to heaven. his face turning red, eyes having hearts in them now, and breathing uncontrollable.

the sight of him smelling your panties had you tensed, as your eyes lowered to see such a noticeable bulge forming down. saliva forming in your mouth, to which you had swallowed. "do you see what you do to me..? for you to find out like this is such a shame, but whatever, its nice you know i crave for you now. every single part of your body. so please, allow me to indulge in this exquisite pleasure that awaits me." he bit his lips in excitement, his hand, motioning to touch his bulge, palming and shifting it around to reduce the pain, his other hand, still holding onto the precious sacred panties up to his nose to whiff at to get off to.

"uh..erm.." your face gave a look of confusion and hesitation. sure scara was a handsome boy, you never thought he viewed you that way, but you always had the thought of what it was like to be in the act of intimacy. but still, you werent too sure about this. "oh c'mon, you didnt even let me finish, im pent up. i just need one release." he grinned as he stepped closer to you, kneeling down to your height to harshly cup your cheeks with one hand, planting his lips on yours, giving a sloppy kiss. you pressed a hand on his chest, trying to pry him away, as his other free hand grabbed your wrist to stop your resistance. your eyes were shut closed, but you can feel a smile forming out of him. soon, you gasped and your mouth was left agape, the perfect opportunity for scara to insert in his tongue, exploring your inside, tasting and savoring every nook and cranny.

little moans falling out of your mouth, this...it was all new to you, never knowing or feeling the touch of another man. let alone, this kind. your resistance has stopped, knowing your strength wasnt compared to his. he may seem small, but he sure was the strong one. scara pulled back, a string of saliva connected from his mouth to yours, both of the individual breathing heavily, trying to catch up each others breath. a sickening smile appeared on his face again. "on your knees, c'mon." he commanded. as he sat on his bed. eyeing down on you. you just stood there in silence, just trying to comprehend everything that was happening right now. first the stolen undies, he likes you, then kissed you. just what was going on.

scara let out an annoyed scoff as he ran out of patience, pulling your arm to put you down on your knees, your face landing onto his pelvis, face dangerously close to his crotch. "oh? excited too? well then ill let you indulge in what you want of course~" his voice sounded high, as he unzipped his pants, his length raised up, the tip hitting his cloth stomach. he was girthy, and veiny in the right places, his tip, a pretty pink mushroom. its like it was perfect. you stared at his cock, intimidated already. your trail of thoughts were lost as you soon felt scaras hand grab your wrist, forcing your hands to touch the base of his cock. out of shock, you tried removing your hand, but he kept it in place. "dont be shy, i know you want this too. now move." you eyed up at him, a gulp forming on your throat, as you felt gross doing this. slowly moving your hands up and down, feeling his veins and stiff cock.

"f-fuck...this feels way better than that damn panties of yours...i always imagined it as your hand stroking my cock. now i finally get the feel of it. youre so good." he threw his head back due to the pleasure, moaning at the way your hands gripped his cock so tightly. "ugh..." you let out a disgusted sigh, it felt so slimy, and the stench was already hurting your head. "ah-shit im out of patience, open your mouth." a hand was placed on your head as his other supported his balance to sit up. "what..? why.." you meekly respond back. "hurry up and just do as a i say." he gripped a handful of your hair locks and it made you wince. as you obliged and open your mouth, without warning, his cock is shoved into the small mouth of yours. you gagged, both of your hands placed on his thighs for leverage and support.

"shit, your mouth is even better..." he fucked your face thru it all, tears that were threatening to spill down to your cheeks from the pain you were trying to endure. soft little cries and whimpers come from your mouth, hoping it would signal him into slowing down a bit. "tis hwurt..plese...stuop.." you were slobbering on your words...you couldnt say anything, not when he was thrusting his hips into your mouth so harshly as he was pulling your hair along with it. "youre such a good girl...taking me so well." it was like your pleas fell on deaf ears, as he just kept thrusting. "breathe thru your nose baby." as if it would make anything better. it hurts. you were gagging like crazy. saliva coated everywhere on your mouth, even dripping down onto the floor, creating a wet mess.

his thrusts were harsh and it made your mouth sore, you dont know how long you could keep this up honestly. "f-fuck gonna cum, you gonna take it all like a good girl alrigh'?" his pace fastened, and it left your eyes crying a river now. tears trickling down to your cheek and to your chin, mixing in with the pool of saliva down on the floor. "ah-! fuck, fuck, fuck..!" with one last harsh thrust, the tip of his cock touching the deep parts of your throat as his cum gushed out, forcing you to take it all, as some of it spilled out. he rides out his high by stilling himself in your mouth, taking in your warmth, before finally pulling out. which had you coughing out, mouth all sore as you laid on the wooden floor. trying to catch up with your breath. little bits of scaras cum still lingered on the corners of your mouth. a laugh falls from his mouth as he enjoyed the sight he was viewing.

"this is just the beginning. im not done yet. now be a good little girl and get on the bed."

"but you said you just needed one release...?"

"I said im not done yet."

requests open!

[jeffsfavoriteknife]

Jeff x Jealous! Male reader

Includes: Jealousy(obviously), gay shit, public sex, use of the word malewife

You glared at him from the corner of your eye as he sat with what he called his friend, jealousy eating you alive. Everytime you saw them together it ate at you, you knew he had told you that they were just good friends but you felt he was lying to you, Jeff was known for lying and it just seemed so cut and dry that he was into the guy. You stood up from the coffee table you sat at suddenly, slightly startling the guy next to Jeff as you walked off, not wanting to see him for a while, he was fucking with you, taunting you, and yet you did nothing except walk away.

You felt a hand on your shoulder tightly grip you and turn you around to none other than Jeff. “Mind tellin me what the fuck your problem is?” You glared at him before pulling away ‘you know what my fuckin problem is’ he angrily huffs, clearly fed up with your shit as he shoves you against the wall “i already told you im not fuckin with that guy, even if i was whats it any of your damn business?” This caused you to hesitate on answering, leading him to catch on “no fucking shit..” he griped your jaw and forced you to look up at him, his cold yet dangerous eyes staring back

“you could have just said somethin, i will admit your pretty fucking cute and look quite breedable” you clutched the bottom of your shirt tight ‘the fuck is that supposed to mean??? I cant be bred you fuckin idiot’ he gets closer to you, clearly towering over you as he smirks “nah i definitely could, youd make a cute malewife, i know damn well you got skirts and knee high socks in your place, ive seen you wear them once or twice” face bright red with embarrassment you rolled your eyes ‘of fucking course youd be the one to watch people through their houses’ he pulled you to him, letting out a dark chuckle “i can tell that your not pissed about it tho” he eyed your pants as you yanked your shirt down more to cover yourself “let me help” he didnt give you time to respond before yanking your pants down along with your boxers ‘JEFF! we are in public! Someone is gonna say something, are you insane???’ “Absolutely” he didnt hesitate to turn you around and position you so you were basically offering yourself to him ‘wait wait wait! I havent,,done this before’ his eyes glinted at this as he gripped onto your thighs, yanking his own pants down “you have no idea how fucking cute that is to me, ill be the first AND last one to ruin you” he pressed himself into you, your tightness causing him a bit of trouble but nothing a good old slam wont fix.

This made you cry out in both pain in pleasure, one one side the burn was excruciating, on the other hand he was rubbing right against your prostate causing your cock to throb. He picked you up by your thighs and pounded into you mercilessly, wanting to hear every ounce of noise your mouth could make for him, he wanted to RUIN you. You cried out, mumbling his name along with incoherent sentences but he loved every moment of it, you crying out his name making him go even harder. Your back rubbing against the wall was no doubt going to leave marks but you were hooked on his cock and couldnt bother to ask him to stop, you were basically drooling while the man you swooned over for so long wrecked you. You tightened your grip on him as you came, the entire time you did he was watching your cock twitch with every spurt, yeah, he wasnt gonna let you go. He dug his nails into your thighs, leaving marks in its wake as he bit into your shoulder, drawing blood and pumping you full of him, overfilling you to where some was spilling out, you rolled your eyes in the back of your head in pure bliss

(Yeah its short but its 3 am and since im a slut for jeff im allowed to write short lil stories that is just sex w hardly any plot teehee)

-🖤🔪

[cinnasweetss]

karmic lover | p.wb

SYNOPSIS: in which you come to wonbin as a karmic lover for all he's done, and continues to do, to julie. now he's forced to imagine you in her place.

GENRE: smut, pwp.

CONTENT: wonbin is the biggest dick on the planet (has the biggest one too), wonbin is in a relationship with julie, oral (m receiving), protected sex, mentions of cheating, reader is not actually involved just mentioned, wonbin is delusional as hell, mentions of wonbin taking readers virginity, other shit I know I'm forgetting to add.

A/N: I can definitely expand on this if need be...I actually just cut this part out of a whole fic I wrote and it made it into a standalone. lollll.

every day, around the clock, even in his dreams, you're all park wonbin can think about. the park wonbin who's known to be the campus' resident dick. literally and figuratively. known cheater and manipulator. especially when it comes to julie.

which is why he's been ignoring her, minus the fact they're supposed to be taking time away from each other.

julie comes in using the key that is for emergencies only. the key that wonbin should've given to sungchan instead. he'll have to get those locks changed eventually.

"Why haven't you answered my texts?" wonbin is everything but happy to see her. wishing she'd go away until he gets the feelings he has for you to go away. "We broke up." it's an exaggeration that makes julie roll her eyes. taking a break and breaking up are two different things. to her at least.

"Won..." she says, inching closer to wrap her arms around his torso. "let's make up, hm? you said you wouldn't do it anymore...I believe you." except he has, he never stopped. doesn't really plan on it either, he knows he only has to swear he'll never do it again for julie to fall right back in his lap. "Hm?"

he only does it because he thinks it'll help him stop thinking about you, that's all it is. that's why he kisses her, caressing her cheek like he did yours. making her get on her knees so he can imagine its you instead. imagine its you pulling him out of his sweats, you pushing his half hard cock past your lips that haven't touched any others but his. you that works and sucks his cock like its the last on earth.

he can imagine it, vividly, just as soon as he shuts his eyes. if he can't see her, he can imagine its you instead. it is you, its you choking on his length as he pushes it past your throat, you gagging around him so much it feels euphoric. he grabs your head, pushing your nose to his navel as he jams into your throat with no mercy. You try and push him away, give yourself room to breathe, but he won't let up.

not when he realizes its julie instead of the woman he wants it to be.

he pulls out of her mouth, pulling her over to his bedroom just a few feet away, and shoving her on his bed. the bed where he had you just a few nights before. writhing and squirming underneath him as he took your innocence.

he rips her out of her clothes, pulling her out her matching set that he didnt waste a single second looking at. a matching set that you wouldn't even put on. its quick, flipping her over so she bares her ass at him, and reaching in his nightstand to pull a condom on.

he needs to move quick, keep you in his head before he realises its julie, before he has a chance to get soft. he stuffs himself in her without a word. "Bin!" she cries, back arching just the way he likes it, back arching to where he can easily grab ahold of her hips and jam his cock into her. "missed this pussy...so much." it's for you, but it's okay if she hears it because right now she is you. he's able to slip back into imagining its you, and its so real.

"fuck, y/- julie. shit. just like that." her name tastes bitter in his mouth even though he's said it many of times before he met you. "baby! oh, god!" she's so oblivious wonbin feels a little bad for her. but not for long. only because her continuous outburst are pulling him from his fantasy.

he has to bend down and place his hand over his mouth to quiet her because she sounds nothing like you. this way he can ignore the muffled moans as he continues to use her. using her to get himself off because he can't have you. you're supposed to stay the girl he cheated on his girlfriend with. nothing more. you're not supposed to take Julie's place.

[heartfullofleeches]

ICE CREAM MACHINE GHOST LORE-

i am so down for learnin more about R 👀👀

Especially the idea of them and fast food reader catchin up on stuff R didnt get a chance to do???

Chefs kiss for R or maybe just even regular smooches for R

R was born June 1st, 1981 and went missing on the 2nd of June, 2002. This is important to mention not just to give a timeline to his short period alive, but also because he was a huge Scooby-Doo fan and really looking forward the live action film coming out around that time [June 14th]

Fast Food Reader unwinds from a stressful day, and rewards R for good behavior (aka going one day without slapping their ass with a dish rag) by wheeling in the tv used for training tapes and popping in a copy of Scooby-Doo - chilling with R as they watch it. Grabs the blankets they keep in their locker and sets up a little fort in the break room with popcorn and everything. Being the saint they are, Reader may offer to let him use their body so he can enjoy the snacks himself, but R wants to experience everything with them and snatches some poor suckers body to use. Reader doesn't understand why any of their coworkers like them, but then they do shit like this that reminds R a little of what he used to be and fall deeper in love with them with the humanity they've restored in him.

If Reader ever shows him what's new Scooby-Doo they would try to kill him again because he wouldn't stop singing the theme song.

-

R watches from behind the counter as you push the tarp covered trolley into the break room. After cleaning up for the day, you've been in and out of the room without saying much to him or answering his questions. The slam of a locker door and your shoes clicking across the hard floor draw you back to his spot as you fling your bag over your shoulder. You present the item retrieved from within, picking off the plastic film wrapped around the box.

"Hey, I'm done with work and still have a couple hours on the clock. Wanna watch this movie with me? Brought it for you."

"For me?" The confusion in his tone is genuine - still laced with that snarky tone he's known for. "What's the occasion? If you wanted to take me out on a date you could've been a little more romantic with your approach."

"Don't play dumb. You've been muttering lyrics to hex girls songs since I started working here when you think nobody is around. Took a while to figure out where they were from, but it's from a Scooby-Doo film so I thought you'd be interested in watching one with me."

R inspects the box art closer. There is something vaguely familiar about the girl with the orange sweater. Had a crush on someone just because they had the same square glasses and brown hair. That lovable, scared-cat mutt and his equally as jumpy human companion. He and his little brother used to have week long fights to see who got to be who for Halloween... They've taken on a different look, but they're still them. And he's still him. The same young adult who lept over the moon when he first saw that poster hung on the wall of his local theater.

"Got some popcorn and junk in the back. You can use my body for a minute if you want some. Try to make me strip in front of the bathroom mirrors and I will call an exorcist."

"While I appreciate the offer, there's no need." Leaping over the counter, R zips pass you and straight for locked front doors - phasing through the glass and into the body of the understandably terrified customer you chose to ignore as you closed up early. Their eyes briefly widen with fear before glossing over. R stretches, popping the stiff joints in his new body as he rounds the building - leaping through the still open drive through window. He strolls over to you, flashing that wide smile that looked bizarre on a living human face.

"I'm sure I'm better looking as I am, but this body doing anything for you?~"

"Whatever - let's just go."

His stolen heart leaps as you take his hand and pull him along with you to the back. It continues to pound in his ears as you enter the bathroom and take your seat on the floor, sitting shoulder to shoulder with him in the little fort you made using chair and old tablecloths. You take a blanket left on the floor and throw some of it in his lap as you pick up the remote.

"Comfortable?"

Reese looks down at his legs. He looks over at your hand still in his and squeezes it tighter. He fainty remembers the warmth of a high school crushes touch, but there's something different about it this time. The angry swarm of butterflies he felt in his stomach then are calm in the same way his mind is whenever he hears your voice.

"Yeah... I am...."

[roe-and-memory]

i really love thinking about the potential of lightnings childhood. we have no idea what happened, but its up for interpretation, and i think thats great.

neglect - a common headcanon - seems to make so much sense for him. he hates help, he hates being told what to do, but also hes so lonely and in such desperate need of approval and validation that he’ll take the harshest words as long as theyre coming from someone who, at the end of the day, will give him at least one pat on the back for doing something right.

i think this, as we all know, is a major part of his character, but the idea of doc, taking this kid thats been so awfully treated his entire life - who isnt used to affection or any kind of positive attention, who hates being bossed around because he thinks he knows better and can be trusted more than other people would - and essentially finding a midway point so he can be lightnings crew chief in a way that both introduces the idea of gentle help (telling him when to pit, etc etc) and doesnt infringe on lightnings fear? hatred? of being told what to do and how to do it? its perfect. it introduces to this kid with severe abandonment issues the idea of sometimes needing or even just wanting help, and helps him change for the better without forcing him to immediately conform to the idea that oh, he HAS to need help.

lightnings previous crew chiefs are so much different than doc, because while doc takes the time to get to know lightning, to discuss ways they can work together to get around these issues he has while also being able to enforce proper rules within the sport, his crew chiefs before never did this. they didnt get to know him personally, they didnt care. they just knew he didnt listen and had a flaring temper, and it was never really that fair to lightning that they didnt give him a chance. obviously, not all blame is on them, because as much as they didnt put the effort in to find a groove that worked for their driver, he also didnt try to put this effort in (although, really, as an 18 year old with issues surrounding this job that are KNOWN it was never really his job to be the one to initiate finding a solution - hell, he probably didnt even know what the issue was.), he was ALSO the one to fire these people, so they’re both at fault for this in a way.

but, again, i love thinking about this whole childhood thing because not only is doc opening up the help that lightning was always consistently refused to the point he believed he just didnt need it - that all those times he wanted help when he was young was really just him being dramatic - but hes also opening up the option for Family that lightning never had either. doc takes all the awful morals that lightning taught himself (or that harv taught him) because he had no one to teach him the true ones, and flips them around. he becomes the father lightning never had and the guidance that no one had ever given him. god i love found family guys theyre literally father and son

also nobody imagine how silly the first time doc ever ruffles his silly ass sons hair is. lightning freezing because oh, no ones ever done that before, and doc being like ? how badly do i need to kick the shit out of your parents? that is like the most average father appreciation Ever wdym ur dad didnt do that to you at least Once.

[rubra-wav]

SFW Vox x Reader head anon request where the reader was his nibling on Earth but he died when they were very little. They ended up very lost and numb due to the death and found the only time they felt anything was in a fight so they became a bouncer, which is actually what led to them dying at 28. Reader doesn't realize who Voc is until they hear him speak.

Vox x Former relative reader headcanons

A/N This is a very hyperspecific request, so I hope you understand I've made it a little more general. 🙏

General plotline and idea is kept tho - bit vaguer, however.

Reader was his favourite relative btw, if this man saw just some random family member come up to him I think he'd just swat them away faster than light ngl.

Cw: Sfw, platonic obv 💀, gn reader

- When you showed up before Vox, he didn't recognise you at all either. He'd died when you were young, and when demons die they don't exactly come back looking 'normal'.

- So when you show up before him after seeking him to speak for several weeks - sending letters to meet him in person like your life depended upon it, claiming you had something very important to discuss with him, he doesn't recognise the sinner who clearly died while enthralled in extreme violence before him.

- When the people who escort you into the room leave, leaving you two alone at his request, Vox's first instinct is to interrogate you.

- He immediately assumed you had some sort of blackmail on him and were trying to play games to extort money from him or something.

- But, when you're lunging forward at him to wrap your arms around him while calling him an extremely specific nickname he hadn't heard in decades, he's at a complete loss in disbelief.

- When his initial shock wears off and he realises who you were to him, he doesn't know how to react properly and sends you away, saying he needed a bit to think and he'll contact you again.

- The conflict between his past self that he was when he knew you, as compared to the self he is now, has him absolutely reeling.

- It wasn't exactly foreign for him to come across people who knew him from his shows when alive, but not somebody who had actually known him as a family member - much less one who still thought highly of him after everything he'd done to end up there.

- When he finally calms the hell down, he tells you not to tell anybody you two are related for your own safety (and his own image), and that he will help provide whatever you need.

- He'd be distant as all hell from you, but would still want you to be safe. Both of these are due to him having a particular soft spot for you even now.

- Would probably consciously make an effort to try be an asshole to make you not want to see him- then feel kinda bad when you still want to see him and obviously still very much love him. 💀

- Even if you want to spend time around him really bad, he'd probably not give in most times.

- if he does spend time with you though down the line, he's just screaming inside the whole time because he actually gives a fuck in the same way he did back in his life and that's terrifying to him after living in hell. You don't get to his standing with caring about many people.

- Would be super paranoid during the whole thing as well about someone somehow finding out (especially the Vees because he'd never hear the end of it and if Val ever tried to flirt with you he'd probably go apeshit despite his on and off thing with him. )

- If anyone ever saw you were a soft spot to him, that would instantly make you a target. And, because it bruises his ego to know he still gives this much of a fuck about a relative who he hadn't seen in decades.

Writing this made me realise just how funny Vox would be as one of those bitter adoptive father figures who didnt sign up for this shit but just very begrudgingly love their 'child' and fucking hate themselves over it. 💀