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the-s1lly-corner · 11 months ago

Note

Can I get Centipedes x Ragatha? (it’s a joke)

Ragatha and centipedes

jokes on you im going to entertain this because im feeling a little silly. going to be all over the place since its just a bunch of random stuff tying in with the general centipede idea future admin here VV did not think i would need to put a cw on this but this genuinely made me feel bluuuuuugh and yucky so uh. CW on talk about bugs and vague talk of infestations because the admin tried to make a hc on why ragatha is scared of centipedes in particular (admin realizes their phobia of bugs is worse than they thought by the end of writing it they just thought they had arachnophobia LMAO) not even going to bother to tag this

i think its centipedes specifically that ragatha doesnt like. shes okay with spiders, shes fine with flies, hell shes okay witih silverfish (which arguably are just as gross if not grosser than centipedes). its something about centipedes in specific she hates. maybe its the legs. its gotta be the legs

or maybe theres something else? honestly i can see her getting her little fear of the things from a prank by jax gone terribly wrong, or perhaps even an in house adventure

or maybe she experienced something with them in her real life that, despite her losing her memories, she fears the bug down to her very core. something that shook her so deeply, engraining itself into her psyche, enough to carry on even after losing everything that once made her her when she put on the headset

okay jokes aside, originally i was going to go on a tangent about how that maybe her fear came from a really bad IHA.. but now that i think about it, the idea of her going through something in her real life makes more sense. plus as much as i write about jax putting centipedes in her room i dont think he actually did... but what i have cooking in my brain far exceeds the cruelty jax would dare dish out

i dont know about you but infestations can quickly instill a fear in you. i would know personally because when i was younger roaches and silverfish were common in my house hold, especially during wetter times of the year. also crickets. and woop the admin hates all three of those bugs, deeply. can you imagine going into the bathroom as a small child, only to get up and see a roach as big as your hand just chilling in the toilet bowl. do you know what that does to a person

cue that one post where op said they were taking a dump and they poked a weird spot on their wall only to watch in horror as a hoard of silverfish started spilling out of it

genuine fear of mine i hate silverfish kid me used to avoid the bathroom because of them

so anyways with the power of my self projection, im going to apply the same idea to ragatha. maybe she lived somewhere where centipedes were common. sure they might not have been the huge gnarly ones that we all think of when we hear about these things, but i think even the smaller ones would do her in after enough time. could be a large amount of house centipedes but as stated above, it would probably drive you insane after you see enough of them for long enough

shrugs

okay psychological torment aside i dont think theres really any curing her fear if we're following this hc, like maybe you can help her build a tolerance to having them around but to actually get rid of it fully? yeah no thats going to take a lot more than you can give her in the digital circus

will NOT pick up a centipede you try to get her to hold, you could have the best intensions and it can be the cutest one ever in existence

i was going to add a lot more to this post and make this comically long but my skin is crawling (pun intended) at the images ive just put into my head. genuinely feel yucky inside

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remix-of-your-guts · 8 months ago

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insisting that you're 'literally trans' over and over sounds kind of like the terf line about how everyone's non binary, so given that and your post history it looks really suspicious

okay i legit can't tell if this is bait or something because?? what???? i said i was "literally trans" one time because someone asked if radfems reblogging my post meant i agreed with their beliefs and i chose to interpret their question in good faith so i gave a legit answer. i haven't bothered to respond to a single comment from obvious terfs because im not into giving them the time of day.

i'm not sure how me simply existing as a trans individual is agreeing with the argument that terfs make to try and erase the existence of us that "everyone is basically nonbinary because gender isn't psychological at all it's just what's in your pants" (im assuming that's the line you're talking abt and if not then idk what that is) and that's frankly a bizarre leap to make. especially because i don't even call myself nonbinary, im just a genderqueer (as in my gender is inseparable from my queerness) transsexual man.

and just what the hell is suspicious about my post history? i've been posting about trans rights and trans-inclusive feminism since i started this blog, though i can't guarantee every hot take i've had on incredibly niche intra-community discourse aligns with my current beliefs (which mostly boils down to "internet discourse is stupid" and idc)

i don't understand the phrasing here as though i'm fighting widespread accusations of transphobia or transmisogyny when this is literally the first comment i've ever gotten insinuating something like that??? of course that's not including the terfs saying "so close bestie" right before calling me a "retarded tra" but since when do we base our claims of who is and is not a terf on what the terfs themself say, instead of what the person in question has actually said/done? plus making fun of how im "close but missing the point" because i said that a trans woman may have a bit of internalized misogyny is hardly saying i clearly agree with everything they stand for (in fact it's fundamentally about the fact that i dont). if thats what you consider being claimed by terfs, and if being claimed by terfs is what you consider the deciding factor in whether or not someone is one, then basically every blogger who's ever mentioned general feminism, periods, or being a woman on this website would be a terf (even trans femmes cuz ive seen posts from them accidentally get passed around terf circles without them knowing who op is). especially every transmasc on this website would be a terf then considering that they're so bizarrely determined to get us to join them while being violently bigoted against us and dehumanizing us (obv not to the extent of trans women but still it's hardly an effective recruitment tactic) and allying with the people that explicitly want our extermination.

i'd once again like to remind everyone that all i did was point out a woman who happens to be trans accidentally veering into perpetuating misogynistic stereotypes (something that i will call out even quicker when cis women do it, which they do all the fucking time) in a way that made it clear it wasn't a big deal and expecting no one except my followers (which i'm pretty confident in saying none of whom are at least obvious terfs) to see. hopefully we can all agree that trans women are not immune to accidentally perpetuating misogynistic stereotypes- not because of their gender but in spite of it because all women can be misogynistic because MISOGYNY 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 STORED 👏 IN 👏 THE 👏 GENDER

and for the record even in the tags of the og post i was saying that it's really sucky that people totally are going to overreact to this and give dylan disproportionate hate because there 100% is a double standard in how society at large responds to these things, and that terfs are going to use it as "proof." but i don't think that just because accusations of misogyny are often weaponized against trans women we can never engage in good faith criticism of them??? in fact i think that makes it very important to help each other make sure there isn't any grain of truth terfs can latch onto (by which i mean being conscious of misogynistic patterns for everyone in our community, including anyone who considers themself an ally to trans people, not unfairly policing just trans women).

however obviously i regret making the post now since it clearly just encouraged the transmisogyny hate-train. and has caused my asks and notes to be flooded with transphobic bullshit directed at dylan, obviously, but also at myself. seriously, i've been deleting all the anons that are from terfs (like ive always done cuz they've targeted me before) but it's been some nasty shit. and it's really fucking annoying having to block every one that crawls over here to tell me why i'm apparently retarded for being trans and supporting my trans sisters. (sorry about the r slur- their words not mine)

okay done talking abt this forever now

0 notes

devondespresso · 1 year ago

Note

thank you for your addition to that ace dustin post, i really appreciated your take and your dedication to nuance that the original lacked. like you said, disqualifying the headcanon doesn’t actually address the root cause of why desexualizing dustin in fanworks could be harmful (and not exclusive to ace headcanons) and instead was just ‘i’m right you’re wrong and this is bad’. what bothers me the most about it is how much circulation it’s getting from allos who do not understand it at all, and are just jumping at a chance to exclude aces to be honest. like a post about an actual ace headcanon would never get nearly as many notes as this post is. and that’s upsetting. i’m even more upset that they’re saying ace will is bad when that’s been a headcanon long before he was canonically gay and there is so much canon relatability to me with will that i think lumping that in with this was even more harmful. anyway sorry if you’re getting any hate or anything, just wanted to say you’re totally right! 🤍

sykdjhshhsnh dude this is so sweet i really appreciate it!!

yea it really does suck how posts can get so popular when theres people getting hurt by it. its not even like the all statements are wrong. its 100% a real problem that disabled characters are infantilized and treated like they can't have sex because they're disabled.

its also a real problem that asexuality gets equated to infantilizing or assuming someone can't have sex because they're disabled because of our lack of sexual attraction or the different degrees we feel it. that it carries the implication that asexuals are comparable to infants and can't have sex.

and not only can these ideas coexist, but they're the same side to the argument against infantilization and stigmatizing sex by people who don't fit people's expectations of someone who has sex.

also i appreciate the concern about hate. thankfully i haven't gotten any direct hate from that post and honestly had no idea if it is still talked about. op blocked me (which to be clear im 100% fine with i really didn't want to have a big argument about it anyway) so i don't see the post on my dash and assumed people dropped it after a while. your message was actually the first direct response ive had about outside of the post itself

also also i hadn't seen headcanons about ace will before but i absolutely love it!! theres definitely problems in the fandom with babying him and making him out to be this sweet uwu baby angel too pure for this world and shit but again thats a problem entirely separate from asexuality. i could totally see will being ace, he strikes me as very romantic in season 4 with the painting and his car confession puting so much emphasis on loving mike as a person and what he means to him. they haven't had many chances for physically intimate moments so far so i feel like you could easily headcanon him as any type of asexual and especially if your headcanoning them to see yourself in his character

i hope you have a lovely day anon!! im not super well-versed in the byler fandom but feel free to gush about ace will (or any stranger things characters!) anytime in asks or dms if you feel like it 💕💖💕

#intentionally not tagging super discoverable tags because i really don't want to get sucked into arguments about this #im just out here trying to find happiness talking about queer characters in my silly little hyperfixation #and as someone whos been infantilized for my asexuality my whole life and especially with a certain ex im just tired of hearing-#-that my identity is an insult to a character because people infantilize my identity enough for the general public to use that to define it #get to the root of the problem. address the issues related to it from there. and be nice preferably #tw aphobia #tw infantilization #tw ableism mention #asks #anon answered

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chestnuttoast · 3 years ago

Text

Bonnie's Fayre

2.8k words

horror, gore, paranormal

[user▉▉▉1]

Has anyone ever heard of Bonnie’s Fayre? A buddy and i were thinking of going to check it out but its kind of a long way from where we live so wanted to know if it was worth it before making the trip…

•••

[user▉▉▉2]

The name rings a bell… but im not sure…

[user▉▉▉3]

Ive heard of it. But i wouldnt recommend it to you

[user▉▉▉4]

Isnt that the abandoned amusement park they started building in some quiet town hardly anyone had ever heard of?

[user▉▉▉1]

Oh… is it not good? @ user▉▉▉3

[user▉▉▉3]

If by good you mean creepy, then yes its good. But i wouldnt go

[user▉▉▉1]

@ user▉▉▉3 it sounds like you’ve been

[user▉▉▉3]

… its been a few years. But yes, i did go

[user▉▉▉1]

Then why would you tell me not to go?

[user▉▉▉2]

@ user▉▉▉3 if youre just scared of what OP will say when they come back you can just not read their post

[user▉▉▉3]

@ user▉▉▉2 its not that. If i let OP just go because its creepy, they might not be able to make that post

[user▉▉▉2]

Youre not scaring anyone… what are you talking about?

[user▉▉▉1]

@ user▉▉▉3 please ignore that person. make yourself clear

[user▉▉▉3]

Ive never really written this story out before, so please bear with me.

[user▉▉▉1]

Please take your time. Im really curious to hear it

[user▉▉▉3]

Okay i'll try my best. It might be a little long, so i may have to separate this into a couple of replies. Please, when you read, take my words seriously. I didnt heed the warnings given to me before i went and that is one of my biggest regrets. I would hate for you to do the same

[user▉▉▉1]

Thanks @ user▉▉▉3. I will wait while you write. Im really curious now

[user▉▉▉3]

It was a few years ago. I was hanging out with a few friends when we came across a story about Bonnie’s Fayre. None of us had ever heard of it before, but we decided to look into it further.

We found articles that had been written about it and discovered that they had planned to build an amusement park in this town that was pretty quiet and out of the way in order to create more income for the town. After more reading, however, it became clear that construction of the park was forcibly halted part way through due to the sheer number of accidents and even fatalities that occurred while it was taking place.

That might not sound odd to you, but fatalities while construction is taking place are actually quite rare. Health and safety these days is so strict that anything like that is abnormal and becomes a shocking story.

Anyway, one way or another as we dug deeper into the story of Bonnie’s Fayre we came across a number of forum posts talking about how creepy the place was and how it would make a good place to visit. Some talked about the cool photographic potential of it, while others were straight up talking about a load of paranormal stuff that sounded really fake.

Honestly, i was a skeptic. I had never really believed in the paranormal and always thought there was a way to explain things people usually dubbed ‘supernatural’.

That was when, as we were reading some of these posts, one of my buddies - let’s just call him A - suggested we go check it out. Thinking that all this creepy stuff was pretty stupid i agreed with little hesitation.

While A and i were up for the trip and didnt really pay much attention to all the creepy stuff people online were saying about it, our other friend - who i’ll call B - was more bothered by that stuff.

“You guys im not so sure about this…” he said nervously as we began looking at train tickets to that town.

“Yeah, why not?” A replied. He was so focused on what he was doing that he hadnt noticed B's discomfort.

“I just think… and please dont laugh… but what if everything these posters are saying is true?” B asked. “What if we really do encounter something?”

“Dont be so ridiculous.” A said, laughing a little. “Its obviously fake! None of that stuff is real.” he said with total confidence. I didnt say anything at the time, but i agreed with A.

“Well if you really think itll be fine…” B said, trailing off a little. “I’ll come with you guys. If it does turn out to be a fun trip, i dont want to have missed out because i was being a scaredy cat”

All agreeing, we booked train tickets up to that small town and planned how we would actually reach Bonnie’s Fayre. It wasnt too hard. A was naturally an organised person, so he did most of the hard work.

The day of the trip came around fairly quickly. The train journey wasnt going to be a particularly long one, but i could still get through a couple of chapters of the book i had been reading, as much as A and B complained that i was being antisocial. I just put in my earphones and ignored them.

[user▉▉▉3]

Since we had travelled north, it was cold when we got off the train. Did i mention we made this trip in mid-autumn, so the weather where we lived wasnt freezing yet but there was still a definite chill to the air.

I shivered as i did up my coat and looked around. A had gone to find the bus timetable and look up where we had to head next. B and i stood there alone for a while before B looked to me and asked “do you really think this is a good idea? Youre not just going along with A’s crazy ideas?”

“What? No im up for this. It does seem like a cool place to have visited so why not?” i replied. I wasnt sure why B had gone through with the idea if he was that bothered by it.

“Its nothing. I just had a bad feeling that i coudlnt quite put my finger on…” B said, brushing off the subject. We talking about some more insignificant stuff while we waited for A to return.

Finding Bonnie’s Fayre didnt prove to be too difficult after all. Within about an hour and a half we were staring at the entrance.

I looked to B, who looked like he was about to wet himself. “I think im going to stay here, actually.” he said as he found a place to perch. “Ill be waiting for you guys here”

Neither A nor i pushed B to come with us and just said we would try to be quick.

The place really was like those classic abandoned amusement parks you see in movies. It looked like the construction workers had literally just got up and left no matter whether they were half way through something or not.

A and i walked around for a while. The place was totally silent. I know that probably doesnt sound abnormal for an abandoned place but i mean it was completely silent. I had to clap to make sure I hadnt suddenly gone deaf.

“Woah…” A said, awed by the surroundings.

“Woah indeed…” i echoed

“Hey, you want to go check out that carousel over there?” A suggested. “I bet we could get some really cool photos of that thing.”

A had a fancy digital camera with him. He had been into photography recently and so had brought it with him.

“Sure”

As we were walking over, i suddenly stopped. It took A a few moments to realise i was no longer by his side but then he turned around and asked me what was wrong. “You cant smell that?” i asked.

“Smell what?”

“Just now i could have sworn i could smell something sweet.” i said, frowning in confusion. “It was like those doughnuts you always get at these places”

That made no sense at all. Bonnie’s Fayre was never completed and never opened to the public so even if it was some sort of supernatural smell, it shoudlnt have been doughnuts.

“Must be some kid thats playing a prank” A said with a shrug.

“Yeah i guess…” i replied, thinking he must be right.

As i stepped forward, though, i distinctly heard metal clanking.

“Did you-” i stopped myself asking A, afraid he would tell me i was going crazy and letting the stories get into my head.

“Hm?” A hummed.

“Nothing” i called, then ran to catch up with him.

[user▉▉▉3]

I should have realised it was odd at the time, but that metal clanking sound didnt seem like it was far away or off over somewhere else. No, it was right beside my ear.

The carousel was pretty cool, i had to admit. It was the only completed attraction in the park so it stood out.

A asked me to sit on one of the horses for a photo. I protested, but he said i didnt have to have my face in the photo. Thinking that was alright, i brushed some of the dirt off the seat and climbed up. I put my back to A and waited for him to tell me when he was done taking the photo.

I was actually pretty curious to see how it would come out. It did seem like a pretty awesome setting.

However, no sound came from behind me. I sat there for at least a couple of minutes. Still nothing. As i was about to turn around, i heard something right by my ear again. This time i coudlnt make out what it was. hissing maybe? I didnt know.

There was absolutely no sign of A. he wasnt even standing there anymore.

“Come on, man” i shouted, hoping he would stop this prank. “It’s not funny”

Silence. Not even the sound of the wind in my ears. My mind flicked back to B at the entrance.

“A! Where are you?” i shouted again. Just more silence. Then, metal clanking again. This time it was in the distance.

I made up my mind and headed back the way we had come. B was still sitting there when i reached the entrance we had used.

“Back so soon?” he said, looking up from whatever he was reading on his phone.

“A didnt come back this way?” i asked, suspicious and even anxious now.

“No? Hes not with you?”

“No. he wanted to take a photo over on the carousel” i turned and pointed for B to look. You could just about see it from where we were. “I didnt want my face in the photo so i turned away from him. The next thing i knew he was nowhere to be seen.” i explained. B listened carefully. “I assumed he was just playing a prank so i called out for him but he still didnt show.”

“Thats not like A” B said, thinking.

“Come and help me look?” i asked.

“I really dont want to go in there…” B started. “Okay, ill come and help for As sake, but i want to get out of there as soon as i can. Something really doesnt feel right.”

I nodded. It wasnt just B anymore, i could feel it too.

We walked carefully, hugging our coats around ourselves to try and form a shield from the cold and anything else that might be out there with us. Truthfully at this point i had put paranormal back on the list of possibilities.

“What’s that?” B asked, pointing to a location in the distance. It looked like a block of stone that had started to be cut but was never finished.

“Not sure. Lets go check it out?”

B nodded nervously and we started walking over.

When we got closer, it became clear that rather than a block, it was a partial tunnel. As we approached, i could hear things again.

[user▉▉▉3]

“Can you hear that?” B asked next to me.

“Yeah.” i replied “i heard things before too, but i thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me…”

“No. i can hear that too.”

As we came to the entrance of that partial tunnel the sounds were much louder. The metal clanking was there. Loud. but i also thought i could hear a voice.

The tunnel was pitch black. Neither me nor B could see anything, and the loud noises were making it hard to focus.

“Fuck” i heard B mutter to himself. I had never heard him swear like that before. At least not while sober anyway. “Hey!” he said, keeping his voice as quiet as he could, while still making me able to hear him. I looked at him. “Does that sound like A to you?” he asked. I could see the fear in his eyes.

I had to focus to hear it, but once i zeroed in on the noise, i knew he was right.

Quickly, i nodded at B who visibly shuddered in fear at the confirmation. He pulled his phone from his pocket and tilted it so that i could also see the screen. His finger hovered over the flashlight button and he made eye contact with me, seeking approval for the action.

I took a deep breath and nodded. Even though it was his idea, B hesitated, and he was visibly shaking. It took him a full three attempts to actually press that button on his phone.

When he finally got it, he nervously pointed it into the tunnel. It was a brief moment before B dropped his phone, stumbled around to pick it up, and bolt. However, i still saw what was in that tunnel.

Our suspicions were correct. It was A.

A had metal shackles around his wrists and he was unable to moe more than a foot from the wall behind him. He was slumped in a seated posture, unmoving. ther e was blood all over him. His own. The skin on both of his arms, legs and face had been removed.

The worst part, though, was that A wasnt alone in the tunnel. Crouched before him was a humanoid being. The arms and legs of the creature were far longer than that of an average human, though. The legs werent normal either. The creature squatted, but its knees bent the wrong way to be human. they were more reminiscent of the legs of an animal like a kangaroo. I know now that means the creature also must have been inhumanly fast.

It appeared to be able to see in the dark as well. It didnt need light to go about its task. It was completely hairless and lacked any discernable nose, but in that instant that i saw it, it had turned to face us and was smiling, revealing what looked like rows of sharp teeth doubled up like a shark’s.

As skin was in its hand, and its mouth was covered in blood. This creature had been eating the skin as it had removed it from A’s body. When i think back on what i had heard, i seem to be able to focus on another sound in the din. Chewing.

I couldn't be sure whether it was my imagination, but in that moment i seemed to see A looking at me out of the corner of my eye. ‘Go’ he mouthed.

[user▉▉▉3]

I turned and ran after B, hoping to whatever god that might exist that the creature wasnt going to follow me too.

As i ran, i heard another noise right next to my hear. A raspy laugh. It was brief, but i will never get that sound out of my mind.

B was at the entrance where we had come in, gasping for breath and as white as a sheet. “What was that?” he asked. I didnt have an answer for him.

Neither of us wanted to hang around for long, afraid that we might see that creature in the light, or that it might come for us. We made our way back to the train station trying not to draw much attention to ourselves.

Thankfully, both B and i managed to make it home safely, but a week later they discovered A’s body. After that creature had finished with his arms, legs and face, it had moved to his torso. It was said that some parts of his organs looked as though they had been messed with, but the investigators couldnt be certain it wasnt animals that had feasted on him after his death.

They couldnt work out what had happened but they knew that A had gone to Bonnie’s Fayre with B and i. We were both called in and questioned. But i wont bother telling you about the aftermath, it doesnt really matter.

Im sorry for the long story, but this is why i tell others not to visit Bonnie’s Fayre under any circumstances. I hope that if my story is shared it can help preserve the lives of others in the future. Please dont take what ive said lightly.

#intentionally shit grammar #horror fiction #horror story #halloween #tw gore #tw death #tw blood #paranormal #chestnuttoast short stories #writing #short story

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genshin-latte · 4 years ago

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Hey op!! Your valid! It's okay to feel salty abt that.

Thou, just wanted to let you know you ain't alone in that! whenever I get kinda jealous that some people are shipping with my favorite character I get kind of jealous,, last time i saw my ship with my favorite character my heart dropped dealt with it for a week so I now whenever i see something like that, I immediately block. It's valid to block them just as long as you know, you don't send hate.

Altho I just kind of have a gut feeling you seem like you'd fit in the self shipping fandom,, it's okay if your not doe, you're still valid ofc!

So my advice for ya is just block em, it blocks the negatives away. I'm sure Zhongli loves and appreciatess you the same way u do!! ❤️❤️

Oh yes anon you are totally valid come here I will giv you cookies and a warm blanket 🥺❤️ I am in the self/oc shipping fandom though. And I will go to certain extents to make sure WE THRIVE. It seems to be a rather unpopular part of fandoms but I don’t care. It’s peaceful, and so far everyone has been supportive —there are rather possesive ones who don’t like sharing their oshis but I just stay away from them lol— I’m here to support it and any hate will have to go over my dead body. You can pry my self shipping pride out of my cold dead hands ❤️ I have no shame baby 😚

though that’s why I usually only have one character I love enough for that —in this case it’s Diluc—. I am ignoring THAT ship because it’s controversial ❤️ Im actually fine with chara shipping 🤣 I just hate it when people alter a character’s personality to fit their ships, plus there are ships which I feel like it’s just devaluing one of the charas —none on the GI fandom yet but in my previous fandom oooohhh bboyyyyy 🤡🤡🤡💀💀💀 — Actually yeah I think my jealousy is a part of the problem UGH IHATEITHERE but then again it’s always the popular ones that bother me (I’m fine with JeanDiluc, VentiDiluc, whatever other Diluc ships that exists) 🤔 I usually just dont care lol. My NOTP list isn’t that long because I don’t like giving things the power to hurt me. When I dislike a ship to a certain extent I completely remove myself from it AND the characters, so far it helps. In Zhongli’s case I just don’t see their chemistry at all. I don’t get it. But you’re totally valid too if you ship them uwu no hate 💕 I’m sorry if Ive been denial over Childe 💔 this is how I cope 😞

And yes, I agree, If you don’t like a ship just block it. don’t be a bitch ❤️

#Brewing the latte

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iinfortunii · 4 years ago

Text

rules: code of conduct.

BEGIN.

Before we start, I would like you to have certain things in mind when approaching me ooc. I am very shy and quite awkward, which results in me not being much of a talker; however, I will always try my best to be friendly to whoever wants to approach. I dislike pet names so please do not use them with me unless we are very close. There will be times when I'm just exhausted, so my wording could sound rude/aggressive, to which I apologize in advance -I never mean to hurt people’s feelings. I also reserve the right to interact with WHOEVER I want, and pestering me about it will only get you blocked.

Updates will be made as required.

I. BASIC.

A. This blog is: Selective / Independent / Canon Divergent / NSFW / Mutuals only / Singleship / Mostly iconless / Multiverse / AU, Crossover, OC, and Multimuse friendly / Vaguely affiliated with the OP RP fandom.

B. I am a very slow rper for many reasons —school, family, my ever-fluctuating mood —and I would appreciate it if you refrained from pestering me for replies. In return I offer as much patience as necessary. Think of this blog as low activity please.

C. English is not my mother language so I apologize in advance for any mistakes made.

D. I track the tag #iinfortunii, although mentioning me works just as fine.

E. Constructive criticism is always welcome but anon hate will be immediately deleted. I have no problems if you disagree with my portrayal, but it doesn't give you the right to harass me.

F. Mun and muse are both over 18, so there are chances that heavy content will be present; however I won't be writing smut. I can roleplay anything before or after the act if requested, but the moment things get far too explicit, I'll do a fade-to-black. I ask of you to not lie about your age or else you’ll be blocked indefinitely.

G. This is a heavily headcanon-based blog, and changes are likely to be made as more information is revealed about him, though I reserve the right to adjust the new information according to my interpretation of Deuce or simply ignore it, which is why I’m canon divergent.

H. If you'd like to turn an ask into a thread, you can turn it into a new post, or reblog from me, as I won't be using the Tumblr asks anymore due to the problems that come with formatting and such.

I. Ask box is open for everyone ic or ooc, but you aren't allowed to turn it into a thread and nor I will reply to it if we’re not mutuals. Please don't push me, because I won't hesitate to block.

J. No godmoding —only a minor is allowed if it moves a thread forward —or metagaming, please. Don't kill Deuce either, unless plotted beforehand, and most importantly, don't hold your muse back.

K. Discord is available for mutuals upon request.

L. Just because I write something it does not mean I condone it. Please have this in mind and again, do not pester me about it. Any and all nsfw matters will be tagged accordingly. There will be triggering topics present, and you can know more about this on the section below.

M. DO NOT involve me in drama or call-out posts. I’m heavily against both things. On this note, you’ll never see me rebloging a call-out post. This culture is so damaging and toxic, and I firmly believe no one should play the role of the judge for the good of the community just because you had issues with someone or don’t agree with the things they roleplay. Talk things privately, be mature about it, hard-block the person and move on. I am also very aware that a lot of people have done things that can’t be excused, but I like to believe that people can change for the better. If you try to drag me into it, I'll hard block any and all people involved indefinitely.

II. TRIGGERS.

A. They will be tagged as trigger tw, trigger / and trigger cw.

B. I do my best to stay up to date with my mutuals triggers. Your comfort is way more important to me than you might think, so never be hesitant to approach me via IM, (anonymous) ask or stop following me.

C. Triggers that are likely to appear, although some more than others: violence || blood || death || drugs || abuse || knives || body image || medical equipment || suggestive content || etc

D. I have no triggers, so you are free to go wild with your content. I only ask you remember to tag your nsfw (both written and visual), please.

III. INTERACTIONS.

A. Deuce won't like everyone. He might/will make wrong assumptions about your character. He will insult and bite back. He won't always be nice to those he likes. He does many things that serve his interests. You, as the mun, have no reason to take it personal, because I'm won't follow someone I don't like; if you DO take it personal however, and decide to rouse drama, then I'll be hard-blocking you. Goes for me as well —I have no reason to get angry for any of the things noted above.

B. My bonds page displays the relationships that have been built over time, not necessarily through interaction alone but over plotting as well. Refer to it for more information.

C. Interactions with OCs related to canon characters will only take place as long as said OCs have a detailed about page. Personally, I'm not interested in the idea of an OC being blood-related to my portrayal, so I apologize in advance.

D. Formatting isn’t a big thing across my blogs, save for the small text. Please don’t mix either sup/sub with small text when writing with me, as I have eyesight problems. Don’t use colored text either.

E. Non-romantic pre-established relationships are allowed! Just make sure to talk it out with me first, yeah?

01. Spade / Whitebeard pirates (canon and original characters alike that i am MUTUALS with) will have a pre-established relationship as long as the other mun is comfortable with such idea, though that relationship will be limited to merely crewmates, unless discussed otherwise.

F. You don’t need to match my writing length as long as I’m given enough to work with. If something about my reply bothers or doesn’t work with you, let me know and I’ll re-work it.

G. I really enjoy plotting scenarios or talking out about the relationships my muse could have with other muses, so hit me up if you’ve got any ideas! I’ll try to do the same!

H. Mun does not equal muse, so don’t go assuming I’m a jerk simply because Deuce is an asshole from time to time. I’m set on the idea that I’ll give people the same treatment they give me —which is always nice and kind. Kudos to everyone for this ♡

I. I don’t use a threadtracker because I rely on my memory (terrible mistake, I know), but I try to draft people’s replies as soon as I see them. If by any reason it seems like I lost it, then please let me know / send me a link with it and I’ll be deeply grateful.

J. I don’t do nor reply to greetings starters for matters of my own comfort, so I ask of you to never expect a starter or a reply from them.

IV. SHIPPING.

A. Singleship, with the spot taken by daadzi, which means Deuce is no longer open for romantic relationships.

01. Under no circumstances, I will accept more romantic relationships once the spot is taken. That being said, I won’t discourage your muse from falling for / hitting on him, although I ask you to understand he will never respond with the same interest or will never react gently if he’s pushed too far.

02. If my shipping partner is comfortable enough, I'll interact with duplicates with the condition that the relationship is strictly platonic.

B. Constant interaction, mutual interest, and chemistry are a must for the sake of better communication (both ic and ooc, preferably).

C. Please do not approach me if you wish our characters to have either a: one night stand or friends with benefits type of relationships. It won’t work out due to the nature of Deuce’s personality, and for that I apologize.

E. My ship has its own tag so you're free to block it if you don't want to see it on your dashboard. In addition, I'll also tag those posts with only the ship name for this very purpose.

F. Please do not force ships on me.

V. CELEBRATIONS.

A. First off, I am absolutely terrible at keeping up with dates, and to be frank, I am not the biggest fan of celebrating, which is why I think it’s necessary to say I won’t be partaking in any holidays, not even Deuce’s birthday (not that he has one, to begin with). Obviously I will still reply to any gifts received, and will send out things in return —you know, common courtesy.

B. I won't be sending out birthday gifts every year, and I might write drabbles for people once in a blue moon; it doesn’t mean they will be done for the specific date though, so please be patient.

VI. REASONS TO NOT FOLLOW BACK / UNFOLLOW.

A. Too much drama / call-outs / vague posts / sexual content.

B. Content makes me uncomfortable.

C. You are a personal blog without a visible rp sideblog. Please make sure it's easy to find.

D. You do not have a proper tag system.

E. Your blog doesn’t have a rules and about pages.

F. You lack the manners to deal with people respectfully.

G. I have no interest / lost interest.

H. I'm constantly / only used as a meme archive.

I. Other reasons may apply. I will soft block so we can both cease following each other and avoid any potential awkward situations. I won’t make a fuss if you decide to unfollow so I expect the same courtesy.

VII. ABOUT BEATRICE.

She is not a real person. Her concept as Deuce’s (toxic) pseudolover is my creation and was somewhat inspired from the real life Beatrice Portinari. Do have in mind that Deuce doesn’t talk about her so your muse can’t simply approach him and ask about her unless they can go through his memories / read his mind / any capability alike or he speaks about her, though it won't take a genius to figure out that she's a product of his imagination.

You can read about her by clicking here -link to be added.

She serves as a lie to shield himself from the internalized homophobia he deals with up until meeting Ace.

NOTE: As stated previously, Mun =/= muse, but I too have been dealing with compulsory heterosexuality for far too long, so I'd like to apologize in advance for projecting a bit of that into my portrayal. I'll work so that this part makes sense with what we've been given from Ace's novel.

VIII. MISCELLANEOUS.

A. I will never force people to follow me, so if by any reason you have to unfollow/block me, please go ahead. Your comfort matters and have every right to do what you must to ensure your wellbeing. With that said, I will not tolerate and will immediately hard block if you try to police my content.

B. I do not follow back immediately, and it can take me from a few hours to several days to follow back. Do not take it personally if I choose not to.

C. If I follow it’s because I am interested in interacting. I only ask you to be patient because it might take me a while to gather the courage to send something to your inbox or talk to you.

D. I have. ZERO knowledge about medicine. Don’t expect me to go full force and try to be 100% accurate, because I won’t.

E. I practice reblog karma (send a meme to someone if I’m rebloging it from them). If you see something you’d like to reblog but have no intention in sending something yourself, then please reblog from the source.

IX. FINISH.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! As you might have noticed, there’s no password to send. Make sure to check the psa tag for any updates, or don’t hesitate to send an ask if there’s anything unclear! I do my best so as not to post too much OOC posts, but sometimes it just happens. If it's nothing important, then I'll erase it whenever I have the chance/remember.

Keanu Reeves vc: You’re all breathtaking!

#pinned post.#long post #❝ —talking nonsense ; ooc #❝ —off to new adventures ; queue #ooc.#queue.#[ this is a very long post btw ]

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procancelled · 5 years ago

Note

Pls talk abt dahvie its been years since ive had anybody to talk abt him with what a disaster human

Okay, even though I have done my best to rid any evidence of this, I want to come clean just in case. I used to be a Blood On The Dance Floor fan. I used to be of the mindset that if the allegations were true he would be in jail. This was from the ages of 13-16 and I didn’t realise how hard it was to prove the kind of crimes he’s committed, nor did I research everything. I was ignorant and I choose to remain that way.

Then Jayy left the band and came clean about the way Dahvie had treated him. While I do think Jayy should have left the band sooner since he knew who Dahvie was, I understand that it would have been hard given that Dahvie didn’t pay him in money, but with housing and food. He also dropped out of high school. When he joined the band in 2009 he would have been about 18/19, while Dahvie was 25. That kind of age gap shows that there would have also been a power imbalance.

Jayy wrote a lot of the lyrics, and possibly the music but I don’t know all of the details, yet didn’t get paid in cash. I don’t know if he even gets royalties or anything.

When Jayy got diagnosed with HIV Dahvie refused to stop the tour for him to get medication and I think I’ve also heard allegations that he would withhold medication.

And that’s just how he treated his bandmate.

He also didn’t pay the producers he’s worked with or people who were featured on the band’s songs. People who have worked with BOTDF have found it hard to get far in their career due to being associated with them, even if it was many years ago.

Dahvie didn’t pay his merch people, most of whom were ‘friends’ of him and Jayy. He also rarely had the merch as he spent money on his wigs (yet he claimed his hair was real) and other things he wanted. Dahvie would promote merch, take the money from fans and then not deliver which frustrated those who worked for him.

He also rips off other, more talented people’s, music and designs. Dahvie took full credit for the ‘Master of Death’ comic despite the fact that the idea was actually Madalyn Chesire’s concept. She also wrote his videos where he tried to convince people he wasn’t a rapist. (Please do not send her any hate, she was young, has already been in other abusive relationships, was manipulated and abused by him. Also, I’ve have spoken to her many times and she is a really good and nice person who was stuck in a shitty situation)

Then there are all of the allegations of rape, paedophilia and assault.

He’s constantly used his fanbase to scare his victims into being silent. He also wrote songs about them, going as far as telling them to kill themselves. I’m going to leave some examples here:

‘fuck fuck fuck you, and all your bullshit, fuck fuck fuck you and all your drama bitch’

‘Glad that you think we give a fuck, cuz if you do, sorry cunt, you're out of luck, here we are living it up, and where are you? NOWHERE! That's what I thought.’

‘Your attempts to get my attention doesn't bother me. But you crossed that line, dragged my name through the dirt. Believe me girl, you're gonna feel all my hurt!’

‘Everything you said, it was a lie... We watched as the world watched you cry... Everything you did was for the fame... What you have now is a world of pain...’

‘My name and reputation won't be the target of a slut! I'll be on top of the world and you'll be cutting yourself fucked!’

‘Bitches with their lies almost pushed me into suicide, Call me a rapist. Here's the truth. Can you take it?’

‘The only thing they want is money, fame and attention’

‘You're getting so creative with my pictures in your PhotoshopMake something out of nothing with your fabricated photo op’

‘And matter of fact, I hope you die with a fat dick in your eye’

‘Call me a pedophile, underage is not my style, You sick twisted fucks, you should have your fucking nuts cut’

‘Jealousy's a bitch, and I fucked her in her face! How do I taste!?’

Dahvie is just such a classy guy(!)

I honestly don’t know if I can do the stories of the victim's justice, nor do I think I can type all of it out without my stomach turning so I’ll leave links to the Huffington Post articles, a twitter account that has documented a lot of Dahvie’s actions, as well as some youtube videos about the whole thing.

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/dahvie-vanity-botdf-sexual-assault_n_5c82afb8e4b0d9361627ca1f?ri18n=true

https://www.altpress.com/news/blood-on-the-dance-floor-davie-vanity-sexual-assault/

https://twitter.com/DahvieReciepts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TqWx_jQ-HI - Creepshow Art

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRMcvd_xWbY - Repzilla (Is currently working on contacting victims of Dahvie and interviewing them which he will then make a video on everything he finds out)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0t5fcBd0sb4 - Chris Hanson (the second person he interviews talks about Dahvie and he is going to be investigating further and interviewing more people)

Dahvie should have gone to prison a long time ago, but I’m glad that this has come back into the spotlight and hopefully this time something will actually be done.

#dahvie Vanity #blood on the dance floor #botdf #tw: rape #tw: abuse #rape #abuse #jayy von monroe #kawaii monster

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theninjamouse · 5 years ago

Text

Title: Wisdom

Summery: It’s time for that dreaded procedure.

(Hi, this is a silly little thing that I’ve wanted to write for ages and last night I stayed up way too late finally writing it. I’ll put it up on ao3 as well but for now, have this)

There comes a time in many people’s lives when they must face against a truth. A truth that cannot be avoided, nor ignored in the intensity of its pain. You had hoped against hope that perhaps, you would be spared this fate but alas!

Your time has come.

~~~~~~

Grillby stares at you, blinking slowly. “They’re going to…what?”

You sigh. “I just explained it through dramatic monologue!”

“Give me a summery.”

Pouting, you monotone, “My wisdom teeth have grown in and it’s making all the rest of my teeth shift and it really hurts so they’re going to knock me out and remove them.”

Your explanation has not eased Grillby’s perplexion at all. “But…why would you grow them in at all just to have them removed?”

You shrug helplessly. “I didn’t choose to grow them in! It’s just a thing human mouths do sometimes!”

“Why?”

“Why does the human body work at all? It’s a mystery, honestly.”

Grillby scrubs at his face. “Okay so…afterwards?”

“Afterwards I’m going to be extremely out of it. The medicine they give you is uh. Well, it depends on the person but usually it makes you really loopy. There’s tons of videos online, I’ll have to show you some.”

“Will you be okay?”

Aw and there he is. The soft and caring boyfriend that you love so much. “Yeah, I’m gonna be fine,” you assure him, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. “I uh, I feel awkward asking but, I’m gonna need a few days to recover and I’d feel better if I was at your place. Please?”

A few sparks lift from his head, the equivalent of silent laughter. “You know that you don’t even need to ask.”

Sheepishly, you look down at your feet. He’s right but anxiety is still twisting at your gut. Whenever you got sick growing up, you didn’t exactly receive a lot of loving care, even though a part of you longed for it. The first time you came down with a cold, Grillby’s constant and gentle attention was almost too much for you and you had hidden under the covers and cried the moment he left the room.

This isn’t quite the same as getting sick but you’re still a little concerned about how you’re going to act after the procedure. But you’re going to need help, that much you’re sure of and there’s no one you trust more than him. “Just a warning, I really have no idea how I’m going to act after the surgery. I had a friend in high school that bit her mom when she tried to change the gauze.”

“Gauze?”

“Oh, it’s a sort of cotton sponge. To soak up the excess blood.”

He pales to green at that. But he quickly shakes his head. “I’ll be fine, it’s not like you could hurt me if you bit me.”

“Don’t I know it.”

He makes a noise in the back of his throat, blushing. “Anyway, I’m more than happy to take care of you.”

That stupid, choking emotion is already grabbing hold of you, so you hug him tightly, pressing your face into his chest. “Just warning you, I take no responsibility for my post-surgery actions.”

He scoffs quietly. “I think I can handle whatever you throw at me.”

~~~~

The surgery center is bustling with activity. You rub anxiously at your thumb, the soothing motion doing very little to calm your building nerves. Grillby puts a hand on your knee. “It’s going to be okay,” he murmurs. The assurance is a little less effective thanks to the anxious green and white flashing across his face.

“GRILLBY IS RIGHT HUMAN!” Papyrus’ voice booms over the hushed murmuring of the waiting room. Every head turns towards him and he waves his hands enthusiastically. “THOUGH I MUST ADMIT, IT SEEMS A HUGE OVERSIGHT IN THE HUMAN DESIGN FOR THESE ‘WISDOM TEETH’ TO CAUSE SUCH A COMMON PROBLEM!”

Grillby, for all of his support, only has his rarely used motorcycle sitting in the skeleton brother’s garage. Seeing as how you wouldn’t be in any shape to drive after the surgery, you had reached out to those with licenses and cars for a lift. Papyrus had responded so eagerly and loudly that you simply couldn’t turn him down. He did have a sweet car after all.

In the seat next to him, Sans scuffs his foot against the worn linoleum. He looks far more uncomfortable than Papyrus, but he had insisted on coming along. At first, you had been touched that he cared enough to help out.

Then he had pulled a camcorder out of his pocket.

He turns it on you now, little red light blinking. “any final words before enlightenment?”

You fix the camera with a stare. “If I don’t come out of there, I want my full tab transferred to Sans.”

“GRILLBY! YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAS A TAB?” Papyrus tuts loudly and Grillby sighs.

A nurse steps out from the door leading into the back of the facility. She calls your name and your heart leaps into your throat. You scramble to grab Grillby’s hand and give it a final squeeze as you stand and hand off your bag. “Well, see you on the other side I guess?”

Grillby nods, still rather pale.

“GOOD LUCK HUMAN! YOU’RE GOING TO BE FINE!”

“that’s the tooth.”

“UGH!”

You follow the nurse back into a room that smells strongly of disinfectant and climb into the chair. You’re gonna be fine, you’re gonna be just fine, it’s a common surgery, nothing’s going to-

The nurse, smiling gently, sticks the needle attached to an IV in your arm and tears immediately start pouring down your face.

You! Hate! Needles!

It’s a few minutes later when the doctor comes in to find you still sniffling. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

You try to smile, blubbering out, “I j-just don’t l-like needles is all, I’m f-fine!”

He smiles gently and gives your shoulder a pat. “You don’t need to worry, everything-”

His voice suddenly warps and fades away as his hand suddenly shifts to a gentle push. Without being really aware of falling, you suddenly find yourself floating along a river. It’s cool and pleasant to the touch. When you look at it, it shimmers like gold and you realize that it’s not water at all but golden coins carrying you along and oh, this is actually kind of nice! The river rocks you with a gentle motion and you could almost fall asleep, cradled in the gentle hold of gold which actually, that’s a little strange now that you think about it but oh, thinking is hard right now and everything just feels so warm and nice…

“…op rocking okay?”

You blink blearily. The river of gold is gone but the rocking continues. It’s nice. Everything is so nice!

“Shore, you have to stop rocking, okay? You’re going to make yourself dizzy.”

You’re already dizzy! You’re gonna keep rocking cause it feels nice!

There’s a blurred figure in front of you, holding a patch of white. “Here, wipe your eyes,” the garbled voice continues.

Oh! You’re crying still! Huh, that’s weird! You reach for what you assume is a tissue and miss. The figure takes your hand and places the tissue in your palm and the tears rush out even faster. “Fank you, fat’s so nice!”

“You’re welcome Shore.”

You lift the tissue to your face and miss your eyes, dabbing your mouth instead.

You’re not sure how long you sit there, watching the blurred shapes of people moving back and forth. It’s nice to just sit and rock. Eventually though, another lady-oh she’s so pretty, that’s so nice!- approaches you with a wheelchair and helps you ease into it.

You’re wheeled down a hallway and you wave at the blurry figures passing by. What nice people, taking care of you like this!

You hear a whoosh of automatic doors opening. The cool air of the surgery center gives way to sunny warmth. You turn your face to it, smiling blissfully.

The nurse brings you to a stop. “Okay Shore, here’s your ride,” she says in a bright and cheerful voice.

You look forward, delightfully surprised to see Grillby, Sans and Papyrus standing there. Oh that’s right, they’re here to take you home! You point, “Look, thaaaaaat’s my boyfriend!” you crow proudly.

“Oh wow, that’s awesome!” the nurse answers. She helps you to stand and fortunately keeps her hand on you because your legs don’t bother buckling; they simply refuse to work, and you nearly slide to the ground before she catches you.

“uh…doc is she actually ok to leave?”

“Oh yes, she’s fine, here you are.” The nurse hauls you up and pushes you forward into Grillby’s arms. He’s so warm! This is so nice!

You snuggle into the warmth, humming happily.

“…ore? ….kay?”

“PERHAPS WE…CAR…MEDICINE!”

Their voices dip in and out but you’re too concerned with keeping your face pressed against Grillby’s chest to really listen because good heck he smells amazing.

You blink again as Grillby very gently pries you off him and guides you into the car. The moment you sit down, a wave of exhaustion takes over and you close your eyes, thumping your head back against the headrest. If the Earth would stop swirling that would be wonderful.

Your head rolls loosely when you feel the warmth of Grillby’s body next to yours. Your eyes feel like they’ve got sandbags attached to them, but you slowly peel them open.

Oh no, he looks so concerned! He’s pale green, very gently cupping your cheek with his hand. Smiling as best as you can with your mouth currently crammed with fluffy clouds, you reach for his cheek, miss, and bap him in the center of his face.

“I’m okay!” Your voice sounds funny, all stuffed up and slurring. “Don’t…don’t cry, okay?”

“I’m not crying.”

“Don’t cry.”

“I won’t.”

“you’re the one who’s crying, tibia honest.”

You pull your gaze away from Grillby to Sans. He’s in the front passenger seat, mostly turned around to look back at you. He’s got that camcorder going. “Why didnja use your phone? It has a…a, a camera y’know.”

“i do know but let’s not talk about me. how’re ya feeling?”

“Good!” you slur brightly. And it’s the truth! You’re still feeling super floaty and stuff. It’s nice. “This stuff’s like maaaaagic.”

“magic huh?”

“Mmmyup! Am I still crying?”

“YES, IT’S ACTUALLY QUITE DISGUSTING,” Papyrus chimes in from the driver’s seat.

Disgusting?! You’re disgusting!?

“aw paps, you made her cry again.”

Papyrus looks back at you through the rearview mirror. “I’M SORRY SHORE! IT’S A HUMAN THING, NOT A ‘YOU’ THING!”

That’s…that’s fair. “Yanno what’s…what’s gross they, they puta thing in my nose and like, I was crying, and stuff and the snot got all caught in the tubes. It was groooss.”

Sans has a hand over his mouth and his shoulders are quivering a little. “oh my god this is amazing.”

“S’not amazing…” Hey, you made a pun. “Heh, snot.” You giggle and choke a little.

“you ok?”

You hum, leaning on Grillby’s arm. “I’m…good. Where’re we going?”

“THE DOCTOR TOLD US TO GET YOU A MILKSHAKE WHEN WE GET YOUR MEDICINE! IT’LL HELP YOUR CHEEKS TO NOT BE SO PUFFED UP.”

Oh right. Yeah, that’s the usual thing to do after stuff like this. Right? “I gotta stay on liquids and stuff. ‘Member that!” You poke Grillby. “No chewing stuff. Cause like, I’m all…” You pat your swollen cheeks lightly. “Nuh uh.”

You can hear Sans doing his best to muffle his cackling.

Looking back up at Grillby, you say, “You got the good stuff right? Lotta…lotta um….”

Grillby runs his hand over your head. “Soups and ice cream and jello.”

“What about pudding?”

He frowns. “You told me you don’t like pudding.”

“Oh yeah! I don’t really like pudding. Well, the chocolate stuff’s okay. But not banana. It’s gross.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

You nod, contented. “And…where are we going?”

“To get your medicine and the milkshake.”

“Oh yeah.” You smack your lips together a few times. They’re starting to buzz and tingle. “There’s bees in my mouth.”

That draws a huge bark of laughter from Sans. “bees?”

“Mmmhmm.” The tingling brings with it the feeling of bubbles. You’re not leaking blood, are you? You don’t want to make a mess. “They’re making it bubble. Am I bubbling?” You open your mouth as wide as you can at Grillby, leaning in close.

Somehow, he pales even further. You hear a soft thunk as his head hits the window.

“uh…paps i think grillby just passed out.”

“HE WHAT?”

Sans leans into the back a little bit more. “hey bud, lemme see your mouth.”

You oblige him, opening up. “Is there blood? Am I bubbling?”

He makes a face. “yeah, that’s uh…that’s getting kinda nasty. Maybe you shouldn’t talk so much?”

Your lip quivers a little, more tears spilling down. “’m sorry.”

“ah, no, it’s fine, don’t cry uh…here.” He fishes in his pocket and pulls out a rumpled napkin. “it’s clean so uh, maybe wipe up a little before grillbz wakes up?”

You take the napkin. “Sans you’re so n-nice and Paps you are too. You guys are the best.” You dab at your lip, or what you hope is your lip and look to Grillby. His eyes are shut. “Is he taking a nap?”

Sans snorts. “something like that.”

You poke Grillby. You wanna ask him…something. You can’t remember what actually. Maybe what he needs is a kiss to wake him up, like Snow White. You try to lean over to him, but the seatbelt stops you. You fumble with it, whining quietly. Since you can’t seem to figure it out, you settle for kissing your finger and pressing it against his cheek.

He stirs. It worked! “I’m Prince Freaking Charming,” you say proudly to San’s camera.

“yeah ya are.”

Grillby sits up, looking so utterly confused that you start snorting, which makes you choke and sputter on the bubbling sensation in your mouth. “You don’t like the sighta blood huh?”

“No, I really don’t,” he says faintly.

“Walking Dead eat your heart out!” you crow, sticking your bloody tongue out.

Grillby groans loudly and hunches over, head in his hands. “Please don’t do that.”

“You big baby. When we get to…” You look back to Sans. “Where’re we going?”

“to get a milkshake.”

“Yeah! When we, we get to the milkshake, you can get one too to make you feel better.” You pat his back.

“Thanks.”

“You’re sooooo welcome!” You lean on his back, head resting on his shoulder. “I love ya so much. So, so much.”

He tinges blue and takes your hand. “I love you too.”

“Am I a good person?”

“One of the best.”

You giggle quietly, eyes slipping shut. Maybe it’s time to take a little nap before you get to…wherever it is that you’re going. “You’re a good person too,” you murmur. He says something in return but you don’t catch it, already slipping away into unconscious bliss.

~~~~~~

It takes you many hours and several naps to completely come out of the haze of post-surgery. Most of that time is just a blur, though you do recall Grillby nearly passing out again when he helped to change the bloody gauze out of your mouth. Papyrus had stepped in, loudly tutting and complaining about how Grillby should have a stronger stomach given how much greasy food he works around.

When you finally wake up for good, that wonderfully light feeling is gone, replaced by an awful heaviness that makes it hard to even form a coherent thought, let alone move. You’re on Grillby’s bed, propped up by many pillows and blankets. Grillby himself is just visible through the open doorway. At your low groan, he quickly puts down whatever he was doing and comes to your side.

“Hey,” he says gently, taking your hand. “How are you feeling?”

You blink slowly and blearily. “Like I got hit by a train. How do I look?”

“Like you got hit by a train,” he says, grinning weakly.

“…Did you pass out in the car or did I imagine that?”

He ignores that, which you take to mean that yes, yes that did happen, and instead says, “Do you feel up to some broth?”

“Not really but sure,” you breathe.

He pats your hand and leaves, returning shortly with a bowl of broth. “It’s not hot,” he says apologetically. “But it shouldn’t hurt this way.”

“Mkay.” You reach up to pull out the gauze and he blanches again. “Wow, big strong elemental really is a baby when it comes to blood.”

“Only when it’s yours.”

Oh, now that’s just sickeningly sweet. “Well good news is I think it’s stopped.”

“Thank the stars.” He takes a seat on the bed and spoons out some broth. Carefully, he spoon feeds you. Normally such a thing would have you red with embarrassment, but at the moment you’re honestly too weak to really care. He’s patient and gentle, never pushing you. He’s…he’s so nice and good to you and-!

You sniffle. He flashes pale, pulling the spoon back. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

You shake your head, blinking out tears. “You’re just so nice to me and I don’t feel like I deserve it.”

“Oh, hey, hey it’s okay.” He sets the bowl down on the table and climbs into the bed next to you, very carefully pulling you into his arms. “Of course you deserve it.”

You lean against him, letting the gentle warmth of his soak into your aching body. “No, I don’t.”

“You do. And I’m going to keep being nice to you, even if you don’t think you deserve it.”

“Cause you love me?”

He smiles and presses a kiss to the top of your head. “Because I love you.”

“Even with the blood and big old chipmunk cheeks?”

“Especially with the chipmunk cheeks.”

You chuckle quietly, closing your eyes and letting yourself bask in the security of Grillby’s embrace.

#grillby/reader #undertale #sans #papyrus #shore #OoF extra #shorby #hey it's some good old illness/comfort!#except it's a dental procedure not illness #but close enough #a lot of this is very heavily based on my own wisdom tooth experience

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ollie-oxen-free · 5 years ago

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500 followers prompts!

rules: send a ship/character and an AU/dialogue that you want me to use! feel free to send in as many as you want! (be sure to specify what number the dialogue is for, and if you want to get more specific ot mix them then go for it!)

I WON’T WRITE brother/brother fontcest, NS/F//W (so dont bother sending those in bc i’ll just ignore them)

prompts under the cut!

_____________

DIALOGUE:

1. “You’re evil, and I hate you.” 2. “You know you’re safe here... right?” 3. “For your sake, that better be the pizza guy at the door.” 4. “Stop laughing! This isn’t funny!” 5. “Sorry for bleeding on your floor again.” 6. “I don’t need your help!” 7. “You never appreciate my sense of humor.” 8. “The next person I see is getting my fist through their face.” 9. “I miss you.” 10. “How drunk was I?” 11. “I don’t want to hear your excuses.” 12. “How you’ve managed to make it this far in life is beyond me.” 13. “I’ve been told I have a special knack for getting into trouble.” 14. “Ever seen a grown man cry? Because you’re about to.” 15. “You work for me. Not the other way around. It would do you good to remember that.” 16. “I miss you.” 17. “Please don’t leave. Not again.” 18. “I’m pretty sure my house is haunted.” 19. “I’m not wearing that.” 20. “You’re late.” 21. “You should find someone better.” 22. “Wake up.” 23. “What’s a good name for a cat/dog/pet? For no reason in particular.” 24. “You think I’m scared of you?” 25. “I’ll walk you home.” 26. “I believe in you.” 27. “You owe me.” 28. “It hurts.” 29. “I’d like to see you try.” 30. “You have my word.” 31. “I love you.” 32. “I miss how things used to be.” 33. “Where did you get that?”

_________

AUs: (ive used this in the past before and i really enjoyed them, so im stealing it from the post. op is @/supercalvin ! keep the suggestions sfw please, and you’re welcome to ask for just a trope if you want as well!)

#500 followers #im gonna close the asks once i get ~25ish so send them in lol #500 followers prompts #undertale

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jenniez-tv · 5 years ago

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HIPEC surgery (warning - photos of my abdomen after surgery will be shown)

The night before surgery I was on clear liquids only.. that was hard when all my family members kept talking about food and dessert.. the stomach growl was real. Haha. I spent the night playing mahjong with my family up until I had to pack and get ready to leave the house. An all nighter. Weeee. I really didn’t care to sleep since I don’t usually sleep til the morning anyways and I would be sleeping a lot in the hospital so it was whatever.

My aunt, mom, and I leave to go to the hospital around 4am (super early). We arrive, I’m sent to preop to get ready and I am super nervous.. I realized I forgot to take my anti anxiety Med before leaving the house.. UGH. I ask the nurse if she can ask the doc to give me one while I’m waiting and she said the Anesthesologist can give me something when they are ready to wheel me to the OR. Like wtf? How is that helpful? Why would I need anxiety meds right before I go to sleep for the freaking surgery?!? I need it for the 2hrs of waiting!!! She didn’t even bother to ask! Ughhhh.. like why? She is supposed to be an advocate for me.. Was not happy with her.. then she told me to relax.. HAHA. Glad I won’t see her again. Rude.

Me waiting at preop

Anywho.. next thing I know I’m awake in PACU. I’m groggy and in pain.. and of course felt myself up all over my abdomen to make sure I didn’t get a ileostomy bag. Thank god I did not! I did have a jp drain though. The Dr said he removed the organs he planned on-the uterus, ovaries, omentum, gallbladder along with 3 small things he found in my abdomen. I have no idea where and how big they were. They don’t think they are tumors but the pathology results have not come back yet.. feels like forever waiting for results.. either way, im glad it was found and removed. (Update- the results came back benign! Negative for cancer!)

I’m moved to the ICU and get hooked up to so much equipment. I stayed in the ICU for 2.5days. I had 2 iv’s, an arterial line, Foley catheter, NG tube, JP drain and a wound vac. My throat hurt so damn bad.. every time I swallowed it hurt.. that NG tube fked up my throat. I was also a not allowed eat or drink anything for 2 days until they took it out. I could not wait! Post op day 1 was a killer for me. Just trying to sit up made me cry. They wanted me to walk down the hall while pushing the wheelchair. I literally looked like a old person who has the hump back and couldnt stand straight while walking. The poor nurses were pretty much holding my weight lol. Even helping me scoot up on the bed hurt. My family said my entire body and face was super swollen . I just pictured the scene in Willy wonka and the chocolate factory where that girl turned into a huge blueberry. 🤭 I think the most annoying part of ICU was when they kept giving me blood pressure medication and IV fluids to increase my blood pressure. I normally have low BP like 80-90/50-60 told everyone. Apparently the Med surg unit (Unit I would be at until I get discharged) doesn’t like BP’S under 90. I mean seriously, I can’t be the only one with normal low BP’s.. With all the fluids during and after surgery.. I was 15lbs heavier. Ahh! I know it’s all water weight but damn that’s a lot of water weight. They also gave me potassium and it was so uncomfortable on my veins. Anyone can tell you it hurts..even when it’s diluted. It fked up my veins where on The last night in the ICU I had to get one of my IV’s replaced because anything that went through it (even saline) hurt . It was hurting even if nothing was running.

Anyways, I get cleared and transfer up to the medsurg unit. I was actually feeling pretty good considering just having surgery. I get my NG tube removed and am allowed teeny bits of water/ice. FINALLY. My throat can now get better! By the time I transferred I was making laps around the unit. I also get my wound vac removed. It was so painful because I developed a lot of blisters on the edges of the tape from the wound vac. It looked pretty gross. (Picture below). When they removed it, all the blisters broke and they even rubbed over it pulling the skin off. Then, one of my ivs stopped working so it had to be taken out. Luckily this unit only requires one IV not two like the ICU so I didn’t need it replaced.

Picture of the blisters

Picture of my incision with the wound vac and the jp drain.

Picture of my incision and blisters after wound vac removed

The next morning is where everything went downhill. I got super nauseous and eventually threw up 900cc of bile. My temp was around 101 degrees, and eventually got up to 103. I also had other signs/symptoms that showed that I got septic to something. I had to be transferred back to the ICU. Because they were not 100% sure where the infection came from (they had 2 guesses) I got 2 antibiotics that would treat both areas. My white blood cell count also dropped dramatically to 0.98 and my anc 0.74. This means that I was very susceptible to getting more infections. People had to wear a mask when they come to my room and I had to wear one when I left the room. The good news is my fever went away pretty quickly and I started feeling better. My wbc kept going up and down... I’m hoping it keeps trending up because I cannot leave the hospital until my wbc goes up and becomes stable. EEP.

While I was back in the ICU I had to get a second iv placed.. so now I have had 4 iv’s so far not including the arterial line). I’m connected to all the machines again and it takes forever for me to get to the bathroom since they have to disconnect all the monitors and attach it to a portable one so they made me use a bedside commode instead. Bedside commode?!?! The thought is just gross. I’m peeing and pooping in a room with just a curtain blocking the view. What if someone walked in to talk to me in the middle of my session? It was so nerve wrecking. I’ve cleaned up patients bedside commodes before and it’s fine but now can say that I really understand why patients apologized all the time.

After another 2 days in the icu and being septic.. And another iv needing to be replaced bc it infiltrated.. (apparently my veins are mad weak from all the meds and chemo) (now iv #5) I am finally better to go back to the Med surg unit. I’m transferred back and it feels so nice to use abnormal bathroom again. I’m still only allowed clear fluid and honestly.. even that was hard to do. I had to drink a minimum of 800cc a day and it was a struggle. So many days of not eating and drinking screwed me up. Plus I kept having this underlying nausea that just wouldn’t go away. It turned out I had a small ileus as well- A complication that can happen from abdominal surgery.

Everyday I got blood drawn twice a day.. and lovenox which is a blood thinner to prevent blood clots. Prior to lovenox, they were giving me heparin (which is 3 times a day..). My body was full of bruises all over.

Picture of some of the bruises on my arms. I had a bunch on my thighs too..

Anywho, I’m finally allowed to eat.. and man that was more of a struggle than drinking.. I would take one or two bites and be done.. it didn’t help that the hospital food was completely disgusting.. even simple foods you think they can’t mess up on.. was just gross. I was asked by family what I felt like eating so they can bring it.. but honestly I had no appetite at all. Completely different from when I was on steroids and eating nonstop.. lol. But I tried.. hard.. to eat and drink enough. They wanted to start me on tpn which is the total nutrition through a central line.. and I was not about to have it. I gave a hard hell no.

I could barely sleep.. it just felt like my stomach was being pulled or stretched apart when I moved.. was woken up non stop for meds/ vitals.. when I was able to doze off.. my days pretty much consisted of eating, taking a couple laps around the unit, napping, and repeat. I was still getting some iv fluids to help keep me hydrated.. and of course.. another iv infiltrates.. and another iv had to get started... I had a total of 6iv’s and an arterial line.. it was utterly ridiculous.. I had no more places for ivs! And I freaking hate ivs and getting poked.. but that’s all I got during this stay.. so many I lost count.. sigh..

On and off during my stay but especially the last couple of days, I had severe lower right abdomenal pain that was sharp and jabby. I prevented me from moving at all.. it was downright horrible and worse than my incision.. no one knew what it was from but I guessed maybe the drain that was inside.. I got a ct scan done and it didn’t show anything there but the drain so I got it removed.. the pain immediately disappeared!! It was such a relief!! No pain meds helped at all.. not even the slightest.. so having that relief felt so good. The drain coming out though.. felt like so much pressure and it felt like the spot that hurt was getting pulled on. I swear that drain was stuck there or something.. it was a good amount in my stomach.. I didn’t realize how much of the drain just sat in there.. kinda gross. And yes, I watched the whole thing... hahah.

Another complication I have is that my left upper thigh is numb.. and has been numb.. it never got and still hasn’t gotten any better.. I thought it was the duramorph I got during surgery but after a week it seemed unlikely.. the dr says that it’s most likely because the retractor they used to hold my abdomen opened was pressed on my thigh nerve since I’m smaller than the average patient and dmged it from it being compressed for 8hrs.. he says it will take weeks to months for my leg to return to normal.. hopefully.. but that there is a chance it won’t.. god I hope it comes back. It feels so weird and annoying to have the top of my thigh permanently numb ...

Finally my wbc is stable and continuing to trend upward (although still low) and I’m allowed to go home.. I could not wait to see my babies (my dogs), my family, and just sleep in my own bed!!

Sorry, I know this post was all over the place... i wrote parts of it at different times.. which is why some seems present and some past tense.. and I’m honestly not in the mood to go and fix it all. I will post again how my recovery is going at home soon.

Thank you all for your love and support. ❤️

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lopships · 5 years ago

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about and byf/byi (update as of 5/28/19)

i’m bambi,

welcome to jackass.

my full chosen name is bambi maxine amber.

im 18 years old.

that means blacklist my not safe for minors tags (nsfm and nsfm; ment) or don’t follow at all

that also means im a fuckin adult and i can post whatever the hell i want on my own blog without policing.

im hella white.

which means all of my viewpoints are coming from a white person who has always been privileged because of that fact. i can’t speak on some shit and i own that.

my pronouns are it/its.

im a nonbinary demigirl. that means i don’t associate with the standard gender binary, but i present as a girl and don’t mind feminine nicknames or associations. but don’t be fooled, im just as much a girl as a porcelain doll is. :)

i will not tolerate being misgendered. i don’t have any alt pronouns. if you struggle with them for any reason, im sincerely sorry, but i won’t be comfortable interacting. i hope you understand.

im bisexual and polyamorous.

in my book, bisexual and pansexual are basically interchangable terms. pansexual isn’t More Inclusive Bisexual. it doesn’t “also include nb people”. it isn’t “hearts not parts”. all of those things are rooted in transphobia. if you sincerely and stubbornly believe any of those things and refuse to talk about it respectfully? don’t bother following.

i’m in a relationship with a wonderful boy who has a wonderful system who i am dating multiple members of irl.

i am mentally ill

i have borderline personality disorder, autism, adhd, dissocative identity disorder, and post traumatic stress.

i am also hypersexual. more on that later.

before you interact

if we share an f/o, don’t do it. just don’t do it. my borderline personality disorder makes it very hard to tolerate sharing f/o’s of any kind, and it will probably give me incredible anxiety. im not gonna argue with you about this, and you aren’t owed an explanation. if you need to, send me a pm saying that we share one and you’d like me to block you/you to block me for that reason. that’s the only exception for this rule.

are you personally offended or angry at something i said? planning on reblogging a post with a very passive aggressive comment, either in the reblog itself or the tags? are you considering sending an ask? maybe a pm? do you want to vaguepost about me? know that i will be blocking you immediately, taking screenshots of your bullshit, and me and my friends will laugh at you while you pout in anger. block and move on, it’s that simple.

are you uncomfortable with d. d. l. g. or c. g. l. r. e. interaction? don’t even look at me. go ahead and block me, in fact.

are you comfortable with transmed/truscum/maps/nomaps interacting with you? would you rather have an inclusive, “peaceful” community than a selectively exclusive but safe one? go ahead and block me.

before you follow

does any of the above apply to you? don’t follow me.

are you a minor or uncomfortable with not safe for work or not safe for minors content? don’t follow me.

are you interested in one of my f/os, and are following just to like my content of them and reblog it from op, or, heaven forbid, directly from me? don’t follow me.

do you value a quiet, inclusive space that defines inclusion with pedophiles, necrophiliacs, and actual terfs over the safety of minors and lgbt people? don’t follow me.

are you one of those annoying ass mutuals who don’t actually give a shit about original content, have never and have no intention of reading this post, and just like to reblog ask games from me without sending any? go ahead and unfollow me, if you ever get some sense in your fuckin’ head to read your mutuals links.

other

i condone d.d. l.g. and yandere content that doesn’t non-consensually involve the public. if you don’t like that shit, you don’t have to follow. but i think victims of abuse and trauma should be able to cope with their trauma in however way they see fit without having their morals policed by people who don’t know anything about their lifestyle. any asks sent my way about this will get deleted.

i don’t condone nor excuse the actions of my f/os. i know a few of them have done entirely inexcusable things, but as a victim of trauma, csa, rape, abuse, manipulation, etc, and a fucking adult, i get to choose who i daydream about kissing. not you.

i do not ship with real people. i do not condone shipping with real people if you’re an actual adult who knows better. i have gotten way too many asks about this.

i will post suggestive and not safe for minors content on my fucking blog because im a hypersexual person and ive earned the right to. if you have an issue with it? block me and keep scrolling.

90% of my anon hate gets deleted. 10% gets responded to if i can think of a funny joke to respond with, or i can answer a legitimate concern. 100% of it gets screenshotted and laughed at with friends.

contact

i follow and interact from @heartfulsong

my discord is #bambi7843

if you’re 18 or over, consider asking me about my private discord server for self shippers who partake in suggestive content with their F/Os

you can always pm me with anything. don’t be shy.

if you have a legitimate concern or question about my about, feel free to send it in an ask or pm.

like this post if you read. reply with your self ship url if your ss is a sideblog. <3

#mine; post #links; about #links; byf #links; byi #byf #byi #links #about

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soaimagines · 7 years ago

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You Had Me At Merlot

(Yes, that is a wine pun.)

Request: Imagine Opie missing an important event of yours. You fight and you leave.

“Will Harry be joining us this evening?” You glanced at the empty seat next to you and back at your boss. “He’ll be here,” You assured him with a nod. Your boss smiled tightly and turned back to his menu. None of them had been particularly pleased when you had said you would be bringing Opie to the work dinner. Apparently the ‘plus one’ invite was more of a formality than an actual offer. At least, when it came to your big bad biker boyfriend, that is. Your boss had been more than happy when wives had entered with your coworkers and you had walked in alone. But that wouldn't last. Ope would be here. He had promised. Barbara across the table gave you a sympathetic smile and you tried not to roll your eyes. “You okay hun?” You took a long sip of the wine in front of you. “Just peachy.” You flashed her a smiled. “So anyway, we took the kids to Hawaii last summer. It was ah-mazing.” This time you rolled your eyes, unable to hide it as you listened to Carl, one of your coworkers drone on about their Brady Bunch perfect family and their lives and all the vacations they had taken together. “Its okay if he doesn't come hun. Boys will be boys. You can do much better” Barbara whispered across the table. You raised your glass in her direction, acknowledging her comment and took a long sip. A waiter refilled your now empty glass and you thanked him. Barbara was always convinced that every male that walked the earth was incapable of keeping his dick in his pants. Opie, however, wasn’t like that. Or was he? You practically heard the clock tick by another thirty minutes and with every passing second you were becoming more agitated, the empty seat next to you making its presence known. Barbara had lipstick on her teeth. You should probably tell her. it was the right thing to do. Girl code, and all that. But you hated Barbara and her sympathetic smiles, and you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself anyway. As if on queue she tapped her watch and threw you a knowing smile. “Maybe you should slow down on the wine, hun.” Barbara whispered across the table. “No can do, Barb.” You took another sip and your boss stood and walked around the table, from his spot at the head. He stopped behind you and leant into your ear. “Maybe we should order?” You sighed and nodded, trying not to let the disappointment show on your face. He had promised you. “He’s a bad boy, hun. He can’t be tamed. Best find yourself a nice hardworking man.” You ignored Barbara and gestured for the waiter once more. “Can I grab another bottle?” The waiter nodded and took the now empty bottle of wine away. You weren't usually a big drinker, but hey, if work was paying you may as well make the most of it. And if you were gonna survive the rest of the night with Barb and Carl you would need all the wine you could get. “And we just know young Toby is going to make Captain. I mean, have you seen him play?!” Carl was bragging, a smug laugh erupting from his lips. He had a sweater draped over his shoulders and you fought the urge to leap across the table and strangle him with the cashmere sleeves. His wife beside him laughed, although you were surprised she could even move her facial muscles, from all the plastic surgery she’d had. “New drinking game.” Tyson whispered in your ear. You turned to the new intern, who sat in the seat next to you. You’d never talked to him but from the sound of his proposal he might be the only person that could keep you sane through this. “Every time he mentions Toby we drink.” You smirked and held out your hand for a shake. “Everytime Barb says ‘Hun’, we drink.” Tyson shook your hand and you both smiled at each other. The waiter approached and placed your bottle of wine on the table. “Shall I remove these plates, or are we still waiting on a guest?” The waiter asked. “You can take them.” You sighed. Lets face it. Opie wasn't coming. “For the best, hun.” You turned to Tyson, and you both raised your glasses, clinking them in the air as you laughed.

The car pulled into your street and you banged your hand on the dashboard as you neared your house, unable to speak as you were chugging back wine from the bottle in your hand. “Here it is, Barb!” You practically yelled, a red drop of wine dribbling down your chin. She pulled over and you took a swig of the bottle you were clinging to so desperately. “i think you've had enough, hun.” You sniggered and shook your head. You pulled Barbara into a hug, unintentionally smooshing her face into your chest, her tight curls tickling your chin. “Thanks for the ride, Barb. You da real MVP!” “MV what?” You snorted and pushed open the car door and stumbled your way out of the car. “Will you be okay, hun?” Barb asked, leaning across the car as you swung the door shut. “Always!” You slurred and took a step backwards, flashing barb the finger guns. You leant forward and gave the car a good pat on the roof, signalling Barb to take off. “Adios!” You shouted after her as she waved out the window and drove off. You laughed to yourself as you stumbled your way to the front door, your heels in one hand and the bottle of wine in the other. Opies bike was in his usual spot; dead centre of the driveway. You fumbled with your keys and eventually pushed the door open. The lights were on and you could hear the tv playing in the living room. You dropped your heels by the door and staggered your way to the lounge. Opie was sat draped across the sofa, a beer in his hand and his long legs stretched across the cushions. His head was resting on the arm rest and his long hair hung down the side of the sofa. He had one arm across his chest, holding his beer while the other was draped up across the back of the sofa, showing off his toned biceps. “Did you grab some dinner babe? I’m starving.” He didn't bother to look up, he just took a sip of his beer and turned his eyes back to the tv. You leant against the doorway, needing the extra support in your drunken state. “I already ate.” Opie frowned and finally turned to look at you. Your hair was hanging loosely around your face and you wore a black dress. He noticed the wine bottle in your hand and from the way you were slouched against the doorframe he knew you were drunk. “Jesus, (y/n), where have you been?” “Could ask you the same question.” You took a swig of your wine and wiped your mouth on the back of your hand. Opie turned the tv down and sat up, his face stern. “I was at the clubhouse. Where were you?” His voice was firm, like he was scolding you. “At the work dinner. The one you were supposed to be at.” His face fell and he buried his face in his hands. “Shit.” He stood. “Im sorry, babe. I got caught up with club shit.” “Theres always club shit, Ope.” He walked towards you and reached for your hips but you pushed his hands away. “Im sorry, (y/n). I-“ “You promised.” Opie sighed and ran a large hand over his face. “I know, babe. But you know I gotta put the club first.” “What about me, Ope?” You pushed him away and started walking to the bedroom. “Ya know what, maybe Barb is right.” “Barb? I thought you hated that crazy bitch.” You gasped and turned back to face him, and he was taken aback by the crazy wild look in your eyes. “How dare you speak about my sweet angel like that!” Opie sighed and shook his head. “And whats Barb right about then, huh?” “She thinks you don't deserve me!” You yelled. “Thinks that you don't treat me right.” “Jesus christ, (y/n) I missed one fucking dinner. Its not a big deal.” “Its a big deal to me, Ope!” He stared at you, surprised by the anger setting through you. “And its more than just one dinner Opie. I don't even know how many nights Ive spent waiting up for you, cause it happens so fucking often!” “You knew what you were getting into,” Opie warned, his voice rising to match yours. You laughed bitterly and shook your head. “I did, Ope. You’re right. I knew what I was getting into. But it wasn't this.” You gestured to the space between you. “We can talk about this when your sober, (y/n).” “Pffft.” You took a swig of the wine in your hand, ignoring Opie as he watched you angrily, his jaw clenching. “Will we, Ope? Or will you just stand me up again?” He turned and headed back to the living room. “Dont walk away from me!” You yelled, anger burning through your veins. The volume of the tv turned up, tuning you out and steam practically shot out your ears. “Motherfucker!” You snarled and threw the bottle of wine. It collided with the wall of the hallway, shattering into pieces and the red liquid seeped into the carpet. You were too angry to care about the stain you knew it would leave. You spun on your heels and marched to the bedroom. You knelt by the bed and yanked your rucksack out from beneath it. Then you tore around the room like a tornado, ripping clothes from hangers and from drawers and shoving them into the bag. When you were done you slung it onto your shoulder and left the room, leaving a trail of scattered clothing and half open drawers. Opie didn't hear the front door open, and he didn't hear it shut. He didn't hear your cab pull up. He didn't hear you leave.

“You gonna answer that, hun?” You shook your head and turned over your phone, ignoring the call from Opie. Barbara sighed and placed a glass of orange juice on the wooden dining table in front of you. “Did you take a sick day hun?” “Yup.” Barbara nodded, sympathetically, of course. She reached for her handbag and slung it over her shoulder. “Okay hun well you know where to find me if you need me.” “Thank you Barb.” You smiled at the older woman and leant back in the chair, twirling the glass in your hands. Barb left the house, closing the door behind her. You had been staying with Barb ever since you left that night. It had been six days and Opie had been calling and texting you nonstop. You had ignored every one of them. Maybe you were over reacting. But you were fed up. Ever since you had started dating Opie your relationship had been filled with empty promises. You knew the club kept him busy and you understood that. You never asked him for much. But he spent countless nights away from home and he never seemed to care that you were alone in that house. It wasn't the first date he had missed but the situation always ended the same. He would promise to make it up to you, but that promise would leave you disappointed just like all the others. Only this time it was different. You had no idea why you allowed him to do it to you, over and over. Each time with a new start, a new him, a new chance to leave behind the disappointment and the hurt . But you would stand in the middle of your living room in your best dress and your high heeled shoes, a hint of blush on your cheeks and you'd watch the clock above the mantel tick past and you would realise he had done it again. Your heart would sink and your anger would flare. Never again. You would vow under your breath. But how many times had you said that before? Too many times. Did you mean it this time? Barb had been kind in her offering you a place to stay. You appreciated it, but god that woman was driving you crazy. She meant well and you knew she was only looking after you, but if you heard her say ‘hun’ one more time you might just have to smother her in her sleep. She had never brought anything more modern than the 1970s. The walls were painted tangerine, except for the bathroom that was wall papered with a sickly floral pattern. The furniture was sparse and the furniture she did own, was covered in a sheet of plastic. There was at least one bowl of potpourri in every room. And she had cats. You didn't have a problem with cats. In fact you liked them. But Barb had seven and you were surprised you'd even survived here for so long, as you had woken several times a night due to the fluffiest cat out of them all sitting right on your chest, staring you in the eyes with a look of death. They weren't even nice cats. They all hissed at you and none of them had let you pat them so far. You heard a knock on the door and sighed, scraping back your chair and heading for the door. “What’d you forget, Barb?” You sighed as you opened the door. Only it wasn't Barb. It was Opie, He raised an eyebrow at your appearance and lifted a cigarette to his lips. Your hair was in braids and you wore an old fashioned night gown that hung down to your calves, with fluffy pink rabbit ear slippers. Barb really was taking extra special care. “The fuck are you wearing?” You shrugged. “Don’t ask.” “What are you doing here, Ope?” “Came to bring you home.” “How’d you find me?” Opie took another drag off his cigarette and tossed the butt to the ground, crushing it under his heavy boot. “I went by all your friends houses. When they hadn't seen you I got Juice to track your phone.” “Come in. I don't wanna let the cats out.” You nodded and stepped back, allowing him to enter. You had enough respect for Barb to not let her neighbours see you argue with a biker in front of her house. He walked in and you led him to the dining room, and you sat in your previous seat and sipped at your juice. Opie sat opposite you and reached for your hands. “I’m sorry babe.” You met his eye. “I know I need to make more of an effort.” You scoffed and looked away, knowing that if you looked into his eyes any longer you would break. “Its just the club is so-“ “I dont care about the club, Ope.” You interrupted. “You know I love the guys, and I don't mind that you spend so much time with them. I really dont.” “But you cant keep standing me up. Especially in front of my colleagues.” “I know babe.” You sighed and twiddled your fingers in your lap. Why was love so overpowering? You didn't want to cave. But you loved him so goddamned much that you knew you were going to give in. Your love for him was blinding and you were almost as naive as the first time you'd had this conversation. “I cant do this again.” “What are you saying?” “Im saying this is it. Your last shot.” His face broke into a smile but you shook your head. “I mean it Opie. If you fuck this up Im gone. And not just to Barbs for a week. I mean really gone.” Opie nodded and slid out of his seat. He knelt in front of you and grabbed your hands, pulling you round to face him. He cupped your face in his hands and pulled your lips towards his. “I will fix this. I promise.” You exhaled through your nose and nodded. “Will you come home?” You nodded. He looked into your eyes and smiled warmly. “You look like you joined a cult.” You sniggered. “You think this is bad? You shoulda seen the underwear she left out for me.” Opie smirked. “Are you wearing them now?” You bit your lip and lifted your hands, playing with your braids between your fingers. “Im not wearing aaaanything.” You whispered. A low growl left his throat and he pushed your knees apart, making you gasp. He hooked his hands under your knees and you wrapped your arms around his neck. He lifted your body off the seat and placed you on the table, his lips crashing down on yours. “I missed you,” You moaned against his lips as his hungry hands roamed over your body. You could feel his smile against your lips. And by the way he made love to you, on the dining room table with all seven of Barbs cats watching, you could tell he had missed you too. And you could tel that this time,things were different.

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@i-want-to-be-watered-by-roger @daniehelene27 @hellsmurf96 @homicidalteenagedream

If you want to be added to the tag list for any, or all Sons please let me know.x

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ministryofgamers · 7 years ago

Text

The FIX - Bren

I’ve been doing YouTube for a LONG time now, well 8 years certainly sounds like a long time to me.. but eerily doesn’t feel like a long time. We’ve been through so many changes and trails, trying different things, making movies, TV shows, Interviews, Press events... you name it, as a content creator for the video game community I’ve made it. I’ve always wanted to be a successful youtuber when it came to video-games, these days that usually means you have to figure out a silly name and play lots of games and make a fool of yourself (and yeah i’ve done that too). A youtube star is someone that has millions of followers, uploads daily, sometimes twice daily, but I have none of those things... does that mean i’m not successful? I dont’ think so. I’ve conducted interviews with lead game designers, been to top tier invite only press functions, had 2 shows on UK TV for video games, a movie, and run an active community driven youtube channel that has a great gathering of awesome people. So why is it that I feel like I’ve failed somehow? is it because I didn’t find the right audience? is it because I didn’t get launched to super stardom for my time as a games journalist... would I even want that if it came knocking... i’m not even sure I would like it to be honest. It's strange, I've always felt like I’ve wanted to be successful in making video content, films, art, always wanted to entertain and make something that would make someone say “wow” and I have done that, but on a small scale.

Now on Youtube I see things are very different, attention spans are miniscule, kids are starting channels left right and centre, no knowledge of how to frame a good shot, how to use a decent microphone, no knowledge on how to make a proper video... vertical videos of cats being dicks, fail videos, pranks, challenges, all of that stuff to me is benine crap, redundant. I feel the same about reality TV and how most formats prey on schadenfreude( german phrase meaning "to take pleasure in anothers missfortune") I find it nausiating that television, for the most part, has become so mundane, fuelled by adverts and les than average production values. I recently watched a shocking piece of output form the BBC where they seem to have forgotten that sound levels are important... as well as whitebalance and did the OP forget his tripod? Hand held is ok, but this chap looked like he'd had a bit too much rum in his coffee that morning.

Anyway, back to Youtube. I'm a part of a few "small youtuber" groups on facebook, basically if you don't have 500,000 subs these days you are considered to be pretty small time. And in these groups I see thousands of the same posts everyday "yay i got 20 subs" or "how many views do i need before i can monetize." and the best one "sub for sub anyone?" honestly pretty much everyone on those groups that i've looked at (except one or two) literally have no fucking idea what they are doing and couldn't make a video if it meant saving their own life. Time and time again I see the same shit, constantly. It honestly makes me Wince at the thought that these kids are about to embark on the most dissapointing crusade of thier lives. I started youtube in 2009 and it was a bloody good time to do so as there were pretty much no such thing as lets plays or video game shows etc... we had an amazing show, 4 presenters, heavily edited reviews, sketches, comedy! And best of all we were in with the big boys, interviewing people I never thought i'd ever get to meet! "But Bren, why didn't you just keep going with that?" Well, thats a whole different story and i'll just sum it up by saying there were differences of opinion and it fell apart.

Starting GameGazmTV was very freeing... I had decided that I needed a platform where I didn't care too much about what content I put on it... I had boxed up my camera equipment and used a phone to film most of the stuff for it... we slapped half naked manga girls all over it with flames and rock music in the hope that we would offend someone enough to just come and look at the channel... even the name "GameGazm" was fucking ridiculous. It wasn't long before we started to slowly change everything. Removing the semi naked girls, and some "dead weight" and started to clean up the brand... but it didn't do anything really.. I started to slip back into the "everything must be good" routine, so started heavily editing videos again, making bigger productions, adding more visual effects to everything... graphical updates, weekly updates, started doing let's plays for more content, live streams... then by year 4 we changed the name fully to Ministry of Gamers in the hope of finally shedding the GameGazm crappy beginnings. And now I've suddenly realised... that I hate most of it... I look back at a lot of our content and pretty much 90% of it I could throw in the bin and no one would bat an eyelid. The content I love the most on our channel is 2 videos... Solstice and Top Gun. 2 videos that I think are actually really worth watching... the rest of them i'm not that bothered about... but solstice and top gun both took 6 weeks each to make... thats a lot of time... and then the most successful video on our channel is a video about a fucking controller that we shot in an hour because we thought "why not" I couldn't give a crap about that controller... but its the only video that i've spent the least amount of time on and its the most successfull thing ive ever made.... talk about a kick in the teeth... thats some way to really get yourself down.

Up until this point if you asked me is YouTube worth doing, should I start a channel? I would have said " yeah its really fun to do, and totally worth it." but ask me right now? i'd say "no... don't do it.. its really not worth the stress you'll put yourself through, its not worth seeing comments like "shut up and stop reviewing games you fat cunt." on a video that you spent DAYS writing, recording, editing. Its not worth making any video that takes you longer than an hour to do, because honestly... your effort is the last thing youtube gives a crap about." Youtube does not care if you stayed up for a week straight slaving over an edit, making sure your colours are good, sound is balanced, Youtube doesn't care if you spent days crafting a CGI intro for your channel, making custom graphics, building a brand! It DOESN'T CARE... but make a controller video, slap it up, and youtube will give you £300 and a pat on the head..... great... just film your cat doing something retarded and you'll be a millionaire in no time. don't worry about talent... its not required here.

Basically youtube isn't the kind of platform I would like to be on. But not being on Youtube is like saying "I don't want to be on the biggest viewing platform available." throughout my video carrer I've only ever really been interested in making content about videogames. It's my passion so what else would I do? I have a couple of thoughts about other avenues I could explore. But if I really cared about them then I would have been doing it already. No I still care about making content for videogames but now its time to change the focus... change the direction because something has to change... i'm no longer going to use youtube as a platform to give content thats about something else.. i'm going to make it about ME and my team as people, its not a show anymore. I want it to document OUR struggle, OUR journey through a project, how we as people are focused on making entertainment. Youtube doesn't need another gaming channel, it needs to hear about how crushingly difficult it is to get anywhere with content creation, and thats where I want to be now. I'll be working on something I really care about, and i'll provide updates to that on youtube.

I can't keep going the way I have been, a constant viscious circle of dissapointment and failiure, over and over. I'm done trying to fill a gap that just doesn't need to be filled. There are other ways I can use my time and thats the most precious thing to all of us.. becasue there really isnt' that much of it.

Why have I written this? I guess to just put it all down somehwere other than my head.. the more I write at the moment the more I feel it leaving me.. literally like ive turned a tap on and the water was filthy and its slowly starting to clear up. My main point to all of this though was to fully understand why i'm so successful at failing, I make incredible work that never gets anywhere and no one really cares that much about, but its still MY work, and even if only one person sees it and is entertained by it, then to me, i've won. So in closing, I am a youtuber, and a fucking successful one. And no one really knows it...... yet, and of course i'll never give up, I firmly believe I have something to offer a wide audience, i'm not quite sure what that is yet, but I feel like its my mission to figure it out, I owe it to myself to keep trying! and always give my best. Take pride in what you do, and if you believe in something enough, you will get it... after a long bitter road of absolute mental turmoil.... you'll get it.

Bren.

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