#no harm in thinking about stuff before doing so I can always change things later.

[holydramon]

i was stuck on what to do with ryo in the yaoyd-verse and while I still need to like. find and read translations of the wonderswan games and probably rewatch the tamers episodes with him I currently am thinking of making him another Chosen that was “blessed by the Homeostasis”. Which is what I am calling whatever is up with Hikari and Maki.

[rafesslxt]

✧.* 𝑭𝑨𝑽𝑶𝑹𝑰𝑻𝑬 𝑨𝑭𝑭𝑨𝑰𝑹 | 𝑺𝒂𝒎 𝑴𝒐𝒏𝒓𝒐𝒆

summary: you and Sam have a secret affair while your bf is his enemy. when you call him to pick you up in that slutty outfit of yours, he shows you what you‘ve missed while partying. - based on this request

warnings: smut!, arguing, cheating, mention of alcohol, smoking, oral (on both), unprotected p in v, cum, choking, orgasm denial, breeding kink, 69 position, dirty talk, dom!Sam but still whimpering here and there bc you cannot tell me he wouldn't

words: 6,5k (bro WHAT) + it‘s 5am so sorry for typos i‘ll correct later

"Don't tell me you're wearing that!" Sam's voice echoes through my room when he stares with jaw down at the dress I changed into. "Sam, it's none of your concern." I sigh, combing lightly through my curls so I don't separate them too much.

It was supposed to be a mistake, a drunken slip, a one time thing. It's been three weeks now and I can't force myself to pull away from the grip he has on me and I don't think he even knows how powerful that grip really is.

It's like I can finally breath again when I'm with him, even If it's never for long or outside our rooms. Currently he's at mine. He came over when I told him I'm getting ready for a party and well - one thing led to another and now he's sitting on my bed with his clothes back on (imagine it like in the picture at the top) watching me getting ready again.

"Are you gonna fuck him?" he asks, jealousy dripping from his voice. "No." I shake my head and glare at him through the mirror. I'm sitting in front of. Since I started sleeping with Sam I didn‘t let him touch me and Sam knew.

I notice him standing up from my bed and slowly stalking over to my chair. He leans down so his head is at the height of my ear. "| want him to fuck you, so you know I can do it better." he almost demands, suddenly tugging my head back with a hard grip on my curls I just styled so perfectly.

"Sam!" I hiss and roll my eyes at him while he still holds my head back. "You're gonna listen to me m'kay?" I gulp and loom at him through my long lashes, batting them at him. He leans closer again and I see his face upside down from my position.

"If you leave wearing that, then the second you come back I'll bend you over everything possible."

I feel the heat creeping up my neck upwards my cheeks, leaving a slight red tint behind. "You belong to me, don't forget that." he mumbles against my lips so soft that you could think he just said the most beautiful thing but his hard grip in my hair reminds me of the opposite.

I know he's obsessive, possessive, jealous. Kind of funny when you think about the fact that he's the affair with me having a boyfriend. And on top of that, his biggest rival. "Enemy" how my boyfriend James would always say.

James. He's the complete opposite from Sam. Mean, bully, rich, entitled, popular, typical jock. I forgot a long time ago why I am in a relationship with him in the first place.

I remember how he alway told me to stay away from Sam when I met him in the cafeteria in school for the first time. Not even a minute after James came and dragged me away from him, not without insulting Sam for speaking to me of course. I smiled at him apologetic, not understanding what was supposed to be wrong with him.

James said Sam's a lot into drugs and stuff but I didn't care. Half of the school is and as long as he's not harming others with it, I really couldn't care less.

I feel Sam's lips ghosting over mine, teasing me with with his hot breath. I love how he kisses me. It's always so full of life, passion and longing. When James kisses me it's just eager, sloppy and wet. Sam kisses like his life depends on it. As If he can't breathe properly but when his lips touch mine.

"Sam.." I breath out in a whiny tone. "Dress like a slut and I'll treat you like one. I don't kiss sluts." he whispers against my lips before pulling away and letting go of my hair. I sigh in frustration when he let's go of me and apply my blush with a pout on my face.

I hear him chuckle behind me, he probably saw the look on my face. "Don't pout angel, write me when you're on your way home later alright?" he grins at me, putting on his shoes and opening my window to climb out of it. I roll my eyes at him playfully, hiding a smile with it when I already feel the excitement in my chest knowing I'll see him later.

And with that he climbs outside and closes the window behind him, winking at me before walking away. It's a miracle to me how he tells me I'm a slut and how he calls me angel the next minute. He always does this, making me feel alive, giddy, like a fucking teenager.

Wait, I am a teenager. But I mean like a teenager with no experiences or one that never talked to a boy before.

I concentrate on my face in the mirror again, applying my favorite lipgloss before I take my purse and throw the lipgloss in it. "Bye Mom!" I shout through the house when I open the front door, hearing her calling me to have a good time and not come home too late.

I love her, she's not too strict and understands me, not forgetting how her life was when she was young like me. But at the same time she would kill for me and protect me from everything. It's a great balance. She trusts me and I don't overstep boundaries.

When I arrive at the party I dressed up for, I can already smell the alcohol and weed from a mile afar through my car window. I roll it up and park a few houses further away when I see everything full of cars.

But what did I expect right? It's James, I mean everyone in either jealous of him or of me because they wanna be with him. If they only knew how easy I would trade that ticket. So of course his birthday party would explode of people. He lives in a big house, his parent's house of course but I think he mentioned something of them being on vacation for two weeks.

I grab the birthday present that rots since two weeks at the backseat of my car and get out of it, making sure that I closed the doors properly. My stomach wrenched and the closer that I get the more my head is starting to get dizzy from all the weed clouds around me.

I greet a few people that I know, hug some of my 'friends' from our friend group and slowly get inside. The air inside is a little better but still smells like alcohol and sweat from the dancing body's in the big living room. "Y/N!" I hear someone shouting over the music. I turn around and notice James' best friend coming towards me.

"Hey Mike, how are you?" I ask him trying to be polite but the truth is the more seconds passed, the more I wanted to throw my gift at James and get the hell out of here. There was a time were I loved nights like these right I front of me. Where I was one of the dancing body's sweating and drinking, sometimes even smoking. But now I just felt so - out of place.. wrong.

"I'm good, I'm good. I guess you're looking for your boyfriend? He's in the backyard with the rest." I smile at him and nod, thanking him for telling me before I watch him disappearing back into the crowd.

I let out a deep breath. I got this. It's just one night. A few hours, right? And then I'll be at Sam's. God I have to stop thinking about him like that, he's just.. sex, right?

I walked into the kitchen, looking for something to normal to drink but of course they only bought alcohol. I took a red plastic cup and filled it up with tap water, taking a big chuck from it, trying to calm my nerves a little. Oh fuck it. I grabbed a whiskey bottle and filled my cup up with Pepsi and the alcohol in my hand. Yeah, that's better for calming nerves. I mean, I'm already here so why not try to have at least a little fun.

With the drink in my hand I leave the kitchen and open the glass doors t the back yard where James is supposed to be. And doesn't take me long to find him with 'the rest' how Mike said. 'The rest' is usually our friend group. I like them, I really do. But they're just.. not that deep. It's fun to party with them, go to school with them - well the ones that don't skip all of their classes, and maybe even talking about little problems like arguing with parents or fights with boyfriends and girlfriends. But that's as far as it goes.

Maybe that's the reason why I feel so comfortable around Sam. I remember the first night we had sex, he lit up a J afterwards and asked me If I wanted to. I shook my head and sat on my rooftop with him, watching the stars. I never talked to him a lot before, like I said James kept me far away from him, but still we talked abut everything that came to our minds.

Aliens, the universe, the stars, the whole fucking galaxy. How does everything work? Is the government telling us everything? Are there already people on our earth that don't come from here? Maybe it was the weed, but I don't think so. It felt natural to talk with him. Having a good laugh for the first time win months.

My heart starts to race when I think about that night with him. Sometimes I wonder If I'm - no. That couldn't be. It can't be. He would never also. Right?

I get thrown out of my thoughts when I feel two arms sliding around my body from behind. "Hey baby." a deep voice whispers into my ear. I know it's James. I smell his cologne and obviously I recognize his voice. His breath smells like alcohol, a lot alcohol.

"Hey James. Happy Birthday." I force a smile on my lips and turn around in his grip. He kisses me and cups my face in his hands, squeezing my cheeks together. "Thank's babe. Why are you standing here tho? Come on let'S go to our friends." He takes my hand into his and pulls me towards a little chill lounge where everyone sat with drinks or J's in their hands. "Hey guy's!" I greet every single one of them before sitting down next to my boyfriend.

"Here, for you." I smile at him and give im his present. "Thank you baby." he smiles brightly when he opens it and see's what's inside. "Hell yeah!" he grins and pulls out a pair of shoes. To be honest, I don't know what's so special about him but I knew he talked 24/7 about them with Mike and how hard they are to get to I asked a friend of my dad who had a lot of connections when it was about fashion.

"They are great, thank you baby." He gives me another kiss, sloppy and a little too wet. God how I missed Sam's lips and - no. "Yeah, no problem." I answer, trying to hold my smile up.

The night went by slow, my mind racing with the wrong thoughts when you're considering I'm sitting right next to my boyfriend. He has his hand on my thigh, and his other one around his red cup filled with liquor.

At some point I started to take drink after drink, probably not being able to drive later. I took out my phone, reading some messages I have gotten. Two from my best friend Lisa, who lives in New York, sadly, and one from Sam. My heart starts racing again so I take another sip from my drink before opening it.

"How's the party going?"

I try to hide a smile when suddenly a evil little idea gets to my head. Everyone around my was busy ding something so no eyes were on me when I took a photo of James hand on my thigh and send it to Sam with a little message.

"How I wish it was your's."

I bite the inside of my cheek when I wait for an answer, not expecting it to come as quick as it does.

"Is that you'r way of showing me how sorry you are for ging out like that?"

I swallow down the clump in my throat and try to ignore the bad feeling in my stomach. Is he mad? Was it a bad idea to send him a picture? I know he's a jealous type but I already have too much alcohol in my veins to be reasonable.

I lean backwards against the lounge I'm sitting on and take another picture. This time of my face and cleavage not letting a lot to the imagination. I bite down on my bottom lip and smirk into the little camera of my phone, looking up as innocently as possible.

"How about I show you how sorry I am later?"

What I don't know is how Sam's breath got stuck when he saw my message. He looked at it, imagining how he would rip that damn dress off and fuck me through the whole night. His hand wanders down to his hard cock, massaging it slightly through his sweatpants. A quite moan leaves his lips when he stares at the way I bite down on my lip. "Little minx." he mutters to himself when he closes the picture and let's go of his boner.

"Trust me, you'll be sorry. Have fun at your little party, angel."

With a smile on my lips I put my phone away again, grabbing my cup. "Why're you smiling like that? Who texted you?" the voice of James ask me, making me jump a little. "Huh?" I look up at him when he towers his head over me a little. " I saw you texting and smiling. Who texted you?" he repeats himself, a serious look on his face.

I sigh when I knew how this would go. I mean, he's right and If we're being honest, I'm cheating on him There's nothing romantic or noble behind this. He's right. But at the same time, he was jealous in a little meaner way than Sam is. I never cheated on James before and even two years ago when we started dating, he always accused me of cheating on him or texting other boys when in reality I've never done such a thing.

Oh, there even was a rumor once that he cheated on me with a girl from our friend group, Amanda. She's nice. But also knew it was true that she had an eye on James.

"Lisa texted me." Well, that wasn't a lie. "Oh yeah? And what made you smile about it?" he asks, glaring at me. I roll my eyes at him and look away, knowing he hates it. So I'm not really surprised when he pulls my face back into his direction and repeats himself again.

"What made you smile, y/n?" "Oh my god she's my best friend and lives in another state! I was just happy she texted me!" I groan annoyed and stand up from my seat, his hand dropping from my thigh. "Where are you going?" he calls after me but also doesn't make any attempt on following me so I ignore his words and walk back inside through the house and up some stairs that I know lead to a bathroom.

When I get inside I lock the door behind me and let out a deep breath. I pull my phone out of my purse and look for a certain name in my contact. I hold it against my ear when it starts ringing on the other side. Not even two rings later he picks up.

"What's up, angel?" Sam smiles into the phone. "Miss you.." I mumble into the phone, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub behind me. I hear him chuckling. "Then leave, it's that easy." "You know its's not." I argue, pouting while looking into the mirror over the sink. I run a finger over the corner of my mouth, taking off a little of my smudged lipgloss.

he sighs into the phone now too so I continue talking. "he's gonna ask where I'm going and then will insist on one of his friend bringing me home just so he knows I'm not going anywhere else. And If I go without telling him he'll literally stand in front of my house after at least an hour."

"Break up with him." he says. "What?" I gasp, surprised he said that. I mean yes it is obvious that I should but not one time one of us really spoke these words. "You're not happy with him and you'll never be. You should find someone where you are." Someone. I don't know if it's the feeling slowly creeping up my neck and spilling over after holding them in for so long or simply the alcohol but I only scoff and roll my eyes.

"Yeah, right. Someone." my voice sounds cold and distant, pissed. "Y/n was you know what I mean.." "No, Sam. Actually I don't" Silence. And another sting I feel in my heart.

"See you, Sam." I chuckle sarcastically and press the red button on my phone. Not a second later I hear someone knocking on the door. "Y/n? Are you inside??" I groan when I hear James voice. God why can't he just leave me alone.

I stand up from the bathtub and walk over to the door, unlocking it. "Oh, Mike." I say, realizing it's not James. "Uh- James told me to look after you." "Oh, great? And he couldn't do it by himself?" I scoff, pushing past his best friend. I hear him sigh too and walk after me. "You know how he is." "An asshole?" I state, looking at him. He just grins and shrugs. "It's fine. I just wanna be alone for a moment, okay?" "Okay." He nods slowly and leaves.

I really don't know why he's keeping up with James bullshit. He's way too smart and nice for all of this. Well, just like me.

Still annoyed I wander through the hall of this ridiculous huge house, scanning all these portraits and pictures on the walls. My parents are rich too, really rich but this is just.. hideous A family of 5 living in a house as big at the fucking White House.

My mind races with thought when I suddenly hear voices whispering and giggling. I knit my eyebrows and try to be as quiet as possible to hear them again. They lead me to a big door to which I press my ear against. I recognize the voices but I couldn't quite put my finger on who they were so nosy me slowly opens the door a little just to take a little peep.

I didn't expect to see what was I front of me. My boyfriend. And Amanda. Making out on a couch. "When are you finally breaking up with her?" I hear Amanda whine like the little bitch she is. "I don't know. I told you this is just a one time thing Amanda." he answers.

What is going on? "One time thing? You're telling me four months are a one time thing for you?" she argues back. What did she just say? Four months? I close the door and take a step back.

I mean I know I'm cheating on him too. I'm no saint. But fucking four months? At the same time, I go inside myself for a moment and try to feel anything. But nothing. Not a single tear, not a single ache in my heart. I feel.. relieved? Am I crazy? My boyfriend of two years cheats on me and I feel relieved?

I quietly walk back down the hall, back down the stairs to the party. It's over. It's fucking over. I feel a smile creeping up my face when I walk outside into the backyard again. "Hey y/n, everything good?" A girl named Jessy asks me. I smile at her, almost laughing. "I'm feeling as good as never before." A giggle slips out my mouth when I sit down and take another drink from the table. They share a few looks but I couldn't care less.

I take out my phone and open the chat between me and Sam. Just now I see he texted me right after our phone call.

You know what I meant y/n.

It's complicated.

Please don't ignore me.

Are you still coming over later? I miss you

Miss your tight litte pussy around my cock

I roll my eyes at the last message but chuckle.

Oh and I know you just rolled your eyes at that

Wanna see your pretty (your eye color) eyes roll back when I fuck your attitude out of you

I quickly type in my answer, sending it with no regret now.

Can you come pick me up Sammy? I'm drunk and I want you, please.

Of course angel. Where do you want me to park? The street before the main?

Just park in front of the house

He was surprised at my massage but shrugged it off.

Alright. Gonna be there in 30.

I tucked my phone away again, taking in a deep breath. The excitement crept up in my chest again. Now that I knew James cheated on me too, I had a much less guilty for doing it with Sam. Old me would have ripped her hair out when I saw her sitting on my boyfriends - ex-boyfriends lap. But you know what? Let her have him. I know he's bad in bed. Let her realize one day she's off better.

After only fifteen minutes I heard them coming outside together, giggling slightly before sitting back down and pretending nothing happened. I played dumb and smiled at James. "Hey, where have you been? I looked for you." Yeah, let him sweat a little. "Oh uh- I looked for you too, I've sent Mike to tell you." he grumbled, glaring at his best friend.

"Hm, weird. And why did you came outside with her?" I point at Amanda, who looks at me like a deer in the lights. "She uh- she helped me. She helped me looking for you.." he stumbles over his own words.

I just nod when I felt my phone vibrating.

I'm here. Drove faster.

I smile at Sam's message and stand up without saying a word. "Where are you going?" James asks, this time following me. Amanda and Mike stand up too, following him like fucking puppy's.

"Home." I say, shrugging with my shoulders without looking at him. " You're drunk. Let Mike drive you home, he didn't have that much." he tries. "Oh don't worry, my drive is already here silly." I giggle, my stomach tingling in the best way possible when I see Sam's car lights through the windows.

"What do you mean?" James asks me mad, walking a bit faster now to keep up with me. I walk through the living room again and then outside the front yard where I see Sam leaning against the passenger seat door.

Before walking towards him I stop and turn around. "James, it's over. I'm not mad at you okay? I did the same. I'm just so relieved that you obviously feel the same about our relationship." He looks at me dumbfounded. "What are you talking about?" I roll my eyes and laugh at his words. "Oh come on. I saw you and Amanda and I heard you too and don't even try to deny it please cause I'm fucking someone else too."

I see the anger creeping up his face, ignoring the fact that he's cheating on me completely. "WHAT? Who the fuck are you talking about?" Then it hits him. He looks at me and beside me in the distance, he recognizes Sam standing against his car.

"You've got to be fucking kissing me you dumb slut!" he starts shouting and insulting me but I turn around and walk to Sam. I notice him looking at me confused but I just straight walk towards him, push myself against him and kiss him with all the passion inside me, in front of everyone.

I hear James yelling in the background, Mike probably holding him back. Sam's lips move against mine, his hands wandering up my sides, gripping the flesh beneath his fingers. "Fuck, what's that all about huh?" he mumbles against my lips, pulling away slightly.

Out of nowhere I feel the heat pooling in my stomach, yelling at me to finally fuck him. "I want you Sam. Want you to fuck me stupid." I had to giggle, I can't stop it. God he has to think I'm ging literally crazy but he just bites his lips and pushes me inside his car, driving off with me.

"What happened in there?" he chuckles and gazes at me for a second before returning his eyes back to the road in front of us. 

"You'll never believe! When I hang up I wandered around the house and found him with Amanda, making out and her saying that they are fucking for four months now. And I - I just felt so free all of a sudden. No tear no anger, nothing. Just free." I ramble my words down, smiling the whole time.

"So I got you for myself now huh?" I don't know why but my cheeks burned like hell when he said that. Did he want me for himself? I mean yeah well who wants to share but like- does he want me or want me?

When we arrive his house, he parks in front of the house, helping me out of the car and inside the house. "Your Dad home?" I whisper to him when we walk up the stairs to his room. He shakes his head and grins devilish. "He's camping or something. Means you can be as loud as you want, angel." I bite my lip at his comment and rush upstairs with him, him basically throwing me onto his bed but upside down, so my head is at the edge of the bed.

"Remember what I told you If you go out in that outfit, I'm gonna fuck you over everything possible?" he remarks with his voice so raspy in my ears. I bite down on my lip again, nodding and trying to hide a smile but failing miserable. "This will be the last time you're laying on this bed for tonight." he grins down at me and leans down towards my lips, licking over my bottom lip before kissing me.

I hum against his lips when I feel him nibbling on mine. When he pulls away his breathing gets heavier. Is he just as excited as I am? He puts a hand on my cheek and strokes the skin with his thumb. "You're gonna be a good girl, angel?" "Hmm of course."

"Good, then do what I say, alright?" he half demands. I see him opening his belt, and pulling down the zipper of his jeans. "You got me so fucking hard you have no idea." he chuckles while pushing everything in the way down.

No matter how often I see his cock, it always amazes me again how big he is, his pretty pink tip leaking pre-cum. He takes a step closer to the bed again and grabs my arms, pulling me so much that my head hangs over the edge. "You're gonna suck my cock and maybe I'll play with you." I nod eagerly and open my mouth for him, ready to take him in.

He takes his dick into his own hand and rubs it teasingly against my lips, biting down on his own lip. I sneak out my tongue and lick off the salty essence from his tip, letting it slide over and over it again.

"Hmm.." then out of nowhere, he pushes in, almost choking me with it. His eyes roll back before he moves his hips, fucking my mouth without giving me a moment to get comfortable. "Shit, it alway surprises me how well you can take it. Let's see how far you can." he groans, pushing his hips deeper.

I try to breathe through my nose and concentrate on pleasuring him, hoping he would reward me for it. "I'm gonna fuck your throat baby, 's that alright?" he asks before pushing in deeper after I nod slightly. "Oh fuck.." he let's out a deep groan and closes his eyes. "I can see my fucking dick in your throat baby. God that's so hot."

His gaze wanders over the rest of my body until he sees my purse beside me, my phone fallen out of it. He leans forwards, choking me even more and takes it into his hands. I see him start taking pictures of it and smiling at them like a artist who just found his muse.

Tears start forming in my eyes due the feeling of him choking me every few seconds. "Fuck you look so pretty when you cry baby but that's your fault hm. Got outside like a little slut. Remember, you act like one, I'll treat you like one." he repeats himself.

I move my tongue up and down at the side of his cock, massaging the prominent vein he has. I hear him whimper slightly, his tough facade faltering a little.

He let's his hands wander over my body, massaging the flesh beneath my dress, pinching my nipples through the fabric making me whine around his cock. "Fuck you like that, right? Think I'm gonna reward you for listening so good." he slowly pulls out his cock and let's me catch my breath. I cough a little and swipe away the tears that started to run down my face.

He looks at me expectingly and raises one of his brows. "Thank you." I choke out to which he nods and leans over my body, pulling up the front of my dress. I hear him chuckle when he notices the wetness soaking through my underwear. "You get off on sucking my cock?"

His fingers ghost over my aching clit, teasing it through the fabric. I whine out loud and push my hips up. "Please, please touch me Sammy." "Hmm but I', already touching you. Gotta be more specific."

"Pleeease, need to feel your mouth. Please." never in my life would I beg any man like that. But for Sam to touch me I would get on my knees and start praying.

He pushes my underwear to the side and laps at my puffy folds, tasting me and groaning. "You taste so good.." then he starts sucking my clit and I almost faint at the feeling. I let out a silent moan, bucking my hips but he presses them down and slightly nibbles at my clit.

"Fuck Sam!" my scream echoes probably through the whole house. "Suck my cock again." he mumbles against my pussy, adding a finger and teasing my entrance with it. I grab his hard cock and wrap my lips around the tip, sucking on it with a lot of pressure. "Oh yeah.." he groans against me, sucking harder on my nub.

I feel his finger entering me slowly, then another one so it's two and curling them up just right. I let out a long moan around him, squeezing my eyes shut. I take him deeper until he hits the back of my throat.

He groans against my clit, making me moan around his cock because of the vibration. It's like an endless circle of pleasure.

He starts pumping his fingers faster, flicking his tongue over my clit like he knows every inch of my body. Well – he does.

Then I start feeling it, the fire pooling in my abdomen. My walls clench around his fingers, signaling him I'm almost there. He let's go of my clit and continues pumping his fingers. "Are you close baby?" he asks tauntingly and puts his thumb on my now sensitive clit, rubbing it without any mercy.

I cry out around his cock, tears running down from all the pleasure around me. Never ever did James make me feel like this just from oral. Then, right before I explode, he stops. Pulls out his fingers and let's go of my pulsing nub, even pulling his cock out of my mouth.

"Sam!" I cry, bucking my hips into the air. "That's for leaving in that fucking dress." he whispers, kneeling down so his face is in front of mine. I huff out some air, pouting when I lose my orgasm.

He grabs my should again and pulls me up, away from the bed. He pushes me towards his desk with a mirror on it, grabbing my neck. " 'm gonna fuck you from behind and you're gonna watch yourself in the mirror, yeah?" "Yes." I answer, leanin forwards, my upper body on his desk now. "Spread your legs." he commands and pushes them apart with his knee.

"Look at that, I don‘t even have to fucking touch your dress, you‘re such a little whore." he spat when he sees my dress isn't covering my ass anymore. A sudden pang hit's me. I look over my shoulder back at him and see him grinning at me, slapping my ass again but this time a lot harder.

I moan when his hand hits my skin, making him smirk even wider. "I should have known you're gonna like that." he pulls my underwear down and positions himself at my entrance. "Beg for it, wanna hear what a little slut you are for me."

"Hm yes your slut only.." I moan and wiggle my hips against him, hoping for some friction. "Please Sam, I need to feel you inside me, please. I've been so good, please." my begging is like music to his ears and before I can see it coming, he pushes inside me with one go.

"Oh fucking hell!" he groans loudly, his mouth wide open and his eyebrows pushed together. "Fuck Sam, I feel you so deep!" I whine, grabbing the edge of the desk. He starts moving his hips, slowly at first and then fast like never before.

The sound of his thrusts, his skin slapping against mine could be heard through the whole house together with our moans and groans. Thank god his Dad is camping.

His right hand finds it way around my throat, squeezing it just lightly to make me feel lightheaded. "Look at yourself." he demands. I bite my lip when I watch him through the mirror. I could see the sweat on his forehead, a few hair strands clinging to it. His eyes are slightly hooded from the pleasure he felt every time my walls massaged his cock just so perfectly.

"So fucking tight I swear If I didn't knew better I would think you're a fucking virgin." I love how dirty his words are, every time. "God, you're milking me." a little whimper leaves his lips when I squeeze my walls around him, the sound going straight to my core, making me clench even more. Like I said before, just a circle of pleasure.

"You know what's the best of it all? At first it was more about fucking his girlfriend, knowing she's coming around my cock. But now I have you all to myself and I'm gonna die before I let anyone else touch you ever again. You're mine now, angel." he pants and Strats to move his hips in a brutal pace now, making me scream out his name.

"Yeah, scream my name so loud the whole fucking neighborhood knows who you belong to, come on." The grip of his hand around my throat get's tighter, making me dizzy but also so soaked.

"I'm gonna fill you up so good until your little cunt is dripping with my cum." I gasp at his words, my walls clenching around him automatically. "Oh you like that baby? Like the idea of me pumping that pussy full with my cum? Shit, you're like a fucking dream. Just as sick and dirty as me." "Sam.. please.." I whine, sobbing at the thought of his words.

"Say it baby, say it, come on. Let me hear it. Fucking let me hear you beg for it." he groans, his cock already throbbing inside of me, ready to bust. "Oh Sammy please, please fill me up. Come inside of me, wanna feel it so bad." I let out a few sobs again, watching him react to my words in the mirror.

His eyes roll back and one of his hands wanders around me, rubbing my clit in circles, adding to the tight feeling in my stomach. "I'm so close.." I whimper, closing my eyes.

"No no no, you're gonna watch yourself come around me." I open my eyes again, feeling tears pooling inside my eyes. I look at the desk beneath me, rocking back and forth, all his school stuff already on the floor. "Sam, please let me come, please."

He lets out a dark laugh and slaps my ass again with much more force than before. "Want me to fill you up real good? Wanna feel my cum dripping down between your pretty thighs? Wanna walk around with my baby inside you? Fuck you would be such a good mommy hm.."

My eyes roll back at his words and the crushing feeling finally explodes inside me, a broken cry leaving my lips when I finally come around him, milking him so good.

"Fuck y-yes oh I'm gonna come. Gonna come in that tight pussy." a whimper leaves him again, adding to the crushing orgasm I have. His grip on my hip and my throat get's tighter, so tight I almost can' breath.

With a loud moan he let's go, spilling his hot seed inside of me. "Shit.." I whimper, feeling him flooding my cunt. When I slowly calm down again, I look over my shoulder, seeing him panting heavily, his chest rosing up and down. He slowly pulls out of me, a little whimper leaving me.

He takes a step back and smirks the he scans my body, his cum running down the inside of my thighs. "Hmm looks so fucking good." He comes closer again and pushes his cum back inside. "Keep it there." he whispers inside my ear, leaving shivers down my spine.

He pulls me back up and hold me when he notices my numb legs. "Don't think I am done with you angel. I said on every fucking surface."

My wide eyes look up at him but only met with his devilish looking ones. "This is gonna be so much fun, angel." he speaks before pushing me against his window, my legs wrapped around his hips.

This is definitely better tan crying after a break up.

Sooooo what do we think? My first Sam Monroe fic 🤝🏻

hope u liked it and thank u for reading! 🖤

My Masterlist

xoxo sarah <3

[annerbhp]

If you would but indulge this fandom elder for a few moments, I'd like to point out a few things that I think can make all of our fannish experiences on this hellsite (affectionate) so much more joyful.

Try not to treat yourself or others as "content-providers."

This happens when you allow yourself to be influenced by real or imagined expectations and demands of others. "But I know people want..." "But people would expect me to..." "But they might not like it if I..." "It's been too long since I've written/posted anything..." "What if people get upset if I..." These are the joy killers. The only questions you should ask yourself when posting stuff to tumblr (or not) is "does this bring me joy right now?" and "would this cause harm?" That's it. You can also tag liberally so people can block stuff if they want. That's also a nice thoughtful thing to do. But try not to let the nebulous concept of "people"--your followers, your readers, the internet at large, or whatever--become a bogeyman in your own head. Most of us already have enough internal critics trying to trip us up at any given moment. Try not to invent more.

Treating others as "content-providers" happens if you send asks or comments to someone on this site demanding more content of a specific type, or insinuating that you are entitled to something from that person. You are communicating to that person that they only have value as a content-provider, and only when providing whatever it is you want. This is dehumanizing and ignores the thousands of reasons that person might choose to be here. Tumblr is not a subscription service. No one is paying for anything here. Most people here are just doing stuff that makes them joyful and we are lucky enough that sometimes they share it with us too!

2. Fandom is not a marriage.

The concept of "being in a fandom" is actually incredibly nebulous, as it should be! There is nothing you need to do or declare to be "in a fandom." There is no minimum threshold of love, or time, or interaction, or "production." It's just a feeling. A place. A space that brings joy. (And sometimes, heartbreak, but that's another topic all together.)

Fandom is also not a marriage. You can't cheat on a fandom. You do not have to have formal divorce proceedings and let go of one fandom before messing around with another one. There's no such thing as fandom infidelity. Neither is fandom a job. You don't have to give two weeks' notice. You don't have to post public intent on the town hall. You're not banned once you step out, never to return. You can "take a break" without any moral implications or risk of becoming the focus of a pop culture debate about whether or not you were justified to mess around with another fandom during that time. You can leave a fandom and never go back, all without having to consciously decide to do so. You can fall out of love with a fandom and then fall back in love with it later. It's not a marriage/job! There are no rules!

3. Take ownership and curate your own experience.

If there is a thing, or a blog, or a person who once brought you joy, but on balance no longer does, or makes you more disappointed or annoyed or upset than not, you do not have to keep interacting with them/it. Following someone on tumblr is also not a marriage. You can follow/unfollow as you like, no harm, no foul. It's just curating your personal joy, and I hope we will always wish each other the best with that. If you are scared of "missing out on something," then you will either need to block tags enough to make it enjoyable, or decide unfollowing is worth the risk if it makes you too unhappy to keep following!

The ultimate thing is, it's up to you to curate your fannish experience. It is not up to the person you are following to change to fit your expectations or hopes. (See point #1.) You can feel ways about this, of course! But those are your feelings, which are yours to handle. Do not put them on the other person. Do not send them asks demanding things or lashing out. It won't make you feel better and it definitely won't get you what you are looking for, unless your actual aim is to kill the joy of another person so you are not upset alone. In that case I'm not sure what to tell you other than you might want to spend some time meditating on that one and think about if that's really the kind of person you want to be. Or if this kind of space is actually good for you.

That's it for now. Thank you for indulging me. Don't be a dick on the internet, friends. Take no shit and do no harm. Take care of yourselves! 💕

[enden-k]

Just out of curiosity, if the things were to be reversed (fear Vika/human Saran), what do you think Vika's characteristics would be? I'm intrigued! Do you think their personalities might change? Maybe Saran would be less closed off? The fear itself (you mentioned it was like phobias? Iirc?) Would change?

Totally not trying to get you to talk more about lore and what goes behind fears/Saran turning into one, no sir-

"fear" is just the term used for any type of paranormal being that manifests due to intense negative energy (most often resentment, anger, hatred, sorrow,...) : theyre ranging from ghosts of deceased, manifestations of fears and phobias, nightmares and spirits etcetc and some are harmless and neutral (they can always evolve into smth evil tho) while others are harmful and evil

saran is not a phobia/fear manifestation like mogu is for example; hes a special case of vengeful ghost who went through a mutation (dont wanna disclose too much or i spoil a good chunk)

if their roles would be reversed...thats such a fun question!!! i think i might do an AU of it even AHHAKJSBCK i thought up a whole changed, alternative storyline now

warning for tiny (non descriptive tho) suicide mention, just in case

if their roles would be reversed, half of it would basically be like "if saran didnt die" scenario. their reversed story wont go exactly like the canon story goes tho bc theres no vengeful saran, no fear seeker eyes, no azais questionable methods

sarans life would go exactly how it did before his death (just the 7 years later, in the current present); hes in his early 30s, finished his studies to become a doctor and doing the amygdala stuff as a side job as azais partner since he still refuses to mingle w the ghost world again tooooo much bc of his upbringing in the cult (he always wanted to be just a normal guy instead of constantly interacting with the paranormal)

amygdala isnt a big exorcist organization like it is in canon story but rather a smaller group of exorcists now (basically, just one elite now instead of 10). azai and saran never had the argument that led to his death and azai didnt go the villainous route (lol) which makes saran still one of the only ones who can see the unseen all clear like he sees the living (like in canon story when he was alive)

which also makes him the first to notice and see vika who is a sorrowful sad puppy ghost full of regret bc he was enticed into suicide by an entity and still young and new to the whole paranormal world. its the first time saran feels for a ghost and doesnt exorcise them. vika ends up haunting him instead of the other way around (bc of course they fall in love with each other <3 in every universe) and sticks to him while saran keeps an eye on him to make sure his pure soul wont get corrupted and he ends up an evil ghost. he wants vika to have the chance to enjoy the life that was ended so quickly so early (vika is around the same age as canon) and vika wants him and only him to exorcise him before sarans life comes to an end one day

basically, less dramatic than canon story i guess? just saran and his puppy of a sorrowful ghost living a more or less domestic life bc theres no amygdala doing shady shit in the background and no certain vengeful spirits eating eyes and trying to take revenge kajscbjk

their personalities are still the same, altho saran has less of a "creepy evil" side since hes no evil ghost anymore and vika is even more puppy i think??

[scarawiki]

idk how this app works help

scaramouche x gn!reader , idk the word count 😬

first one shot ever prbly ooc scara i'm not sure how to write him very well :( most of it is rly self indulgent for comfort im going thru it i fear lawl. not beta read either i almost never write pls be nice 🤕🙏🙏 excuse any grammar or spelling errors

cw: mentions of poor eating habits due to depression & anxiety , mental health stuff , yada yada nothing super explicit

divider creds: @rookthornesartistry

You laid still in your bed that you shared with your partner Scaramouche, while he was out and about finding ingredients for dinner.

Since he left, you were once again alone with your thoughts. Constantly ruminating on the past and picking apart everything. Your mind had kept screaming at you, and you couldn't calm it regardless of what you tried. You were left feeling even more hopeless than before.

Scaramouche had picked up on your "odd" behaviors lately, but you simply brushed it off and just told him,

"I'm probably coming down with something. The weather is changing, don't worry about it too much."

You didn't want to burden him with your silly problems, right? Knowing his past, you didn't want to add more to the mix. You were sure you could deal with it on your own.

Following that afternoon, you sobbed. You were so dizzy and your head was pounding, wishing the world had swallowed you whole already. You felt that Scaramouche deserved someone better than your pathetic self. You didn't understand why you couldn't just feel happy. Why was it so hard? Why can't you get out of bed? Why can't you wake up in the mornings?

You heard the front door opening, and you quickly wiped away your remaining tears that rolled down your face, and tried to get comfortable again. Your whole body ached and you just wanted it all to end.

"(Y/N)? I'm home. I managed to find a few things for later tonight. I had to bargain a lot though, food is getting expensive these days."

Scaramouche called out from the living room, setting down everything on the counter. After no answer, he became curious and knocked on the bedroom door.

"Hey? Don't tell me you're still asleep, it's almost 6 PM."

He let out a small sigh after more silence followed, and then opened the door. He saw you were burrowed under the blankets, and came to sit down on the edge of the bed. He pulled the covers back to reveal your tear-stained face, and a wave of concern came over him.

Scaramouche was never particularly good at comforting others, or feelings in general. He was never shown gentleness and compassion in his 500 years of living, before he met you.

"Who did it?"

Scaramouche asked, immediately jumping to the conclusion that someone had caused you harm to hurt this badly.

"No one," you managed to whisper out. "It's really nothing. Don't waste your time on me."

He was slightly taken aback by your dismissive behavior, but decided to pry further. Scaramouche wouldn't know how to deal with himself if anything ever happened to you.

"Okay... well, you haven't been eating, and last time I checked, you aren't a puppet. You've been sleeping in until dinner time for the past few days. Out with it."

He sounded demanding, but soon mentally scolded himself for his tone with you when he saw the vulnerability in your expression.

"I just don't know what to do anymore... I feel so scared and exhausted all the time, I can hardly wake up in the mornings, and food doesn't bring me joy anymore. I can't even remember the last time I felt okay. I didn't want to bother you because I didn't think it was that bad, to be honest. I'm sorry for keeping it from you, Scaramouche. I swear it has nothing to do with you."

Your vision blurred as you spoke, and you could feel your throat closing up. You didn't know how much more you could handle of this constant misery.

Scaramouche stayed silent for a few moments, taking in everything you had told him. You had always seemed so bubbly and excited around him, and when he saw you completely falling apart in front of him for the first time, he felt confused.

"...How long has this been really going on?"

He inquired, and his eyes had a softer look in them.

"A few years, it comes and goes but it doesn't seem like it'll ever get better. I'm tired of suffering, Scaramouche. I want to enjoy life again and look forward to the future. Instead, I dread the next days to come."

You responded, avoiding eye contact and fidgeted with your hands. When Scaramouche took notice of this, he gently grabbed your hands and set them in his lap.

"I'll be blunt, I'm still figuring how these whole "emotions" work. But, I do see that you aren't yourself right now. Yes, you can be a little irritating at times, but I wouldn't be with you if I didn't... love you."

Scaramouche felt hesitant to say those last words, but at the same time it felt right. He then continues,

"It would be pointless to be in a relationship with someone if you weren't upfront with them, but I can see how you might have felt like a bother. I promise that you will never be a burden to me, and I hope you know that I would rather die than ever lay a finger on you, or hurt you any other way. You're one of the first few people to show me how to love and broke through my tough exterior. You never left me during my hard times, and I'm sure as hell not leaving you."

Scaramouche took a deep breath, and looked down at his lap to give your hands a slight squeeze.

"I will do everything in my power to help you feel better. I want to see to see you happy. I want to see that smile on your face again. But, you have to work with me, alright?"

He looks back up and lifts one of his hands to gently grab your chin to face him.

You reluctantly look into his eyes, and slowly nod.

"Okay, I'll try... Thank you."

You replied slowly, drained of any remaining energy you had left. Scaramouche leaned down to remove some of your hair out of the way, and placed a delicate kiss on your forehead. He came back up and caressed your cheek, and sighed softly.

"I'm not letting you suffer alone. Ever."

[oxkarisa]

𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐊𝐀𝐔𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐙 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓

TW: MENTION OF SELF HARM AND DEGRADATION TERMS

this is a bill kaulitz comfort oneshot. basically it’s just bill helping you with your abusive parents and mental health (self harm and stuff like that)

☆*:.｡. o .｡.:*☆

you just got into a huge fight with your parents, they called you a bunch of names like: mistake, useless and more disgraceful words you wanted to block out.

you wanted, no you needed someone to talk too, but at the moment your boyfriend bill was hanging out with his friends. he was the only person you had left.

you did not want to bother him, you laid down on your bed, makeup smeared, eyes puffy and a huge headache from yelling.

you start cry again just replaying the whole fight in your head. this was not the only fight you've had with your parents, and probably won't be the last.

the only thing you could resort to was cutting.

obviously you would try to hide it, but bill would always find out no matter how good you hid them.

you picked up the blade that was hidden in your notebook, looking at it for a few moments. "is it really worth it?" you thought. bill will find out.

you cried even more thinking about bill finding out, he always looks so sad when he sees the scars on your body, but then giggled at his lectures he gives about how it's dangerous.

after staring at your blade for a few more moments you get a call, ironically from bill.

"schatz, i'm on my way to yours!" bill says over the phone, "i don't think you can, my parents and i had another fight again." you said with a raspy voice.

bill went quiet, "well then i'll just wait til they're sleeping and i'll slide through the window." he laughs.

you smile at his laugh. "i'll leave my window open!" you put the blade back in your notebook.

~20 minutes later~

Bill ♡︎ -10:34pm-

i'm here schatz! 🤍

you pick up your phone and smiled, you opened the window and let bill in quietly.

he hugged you, knowing that you were crying before he called. "what happened now, liebe?"the look of worry smeared on his face.

seeing your makeup all messed up, he went over to get makeup remover from your vanity. "c'mere and lay down," he said, tapping on your bed.

you explained how your parents were calling you names again (make up your own scenario, like maybe you were saying how you didn't get to do much or smth) and he started to clean your face off, gently.

he smiles. "Du bist eine schöne Liebe, lass dir von niemandem etwas anderes sagen." (You are beautiful love, don't let anyone tell you anything else.) he caressed your face.

You seen bill get up and change into the clothes he left. he crawled into bed with you, him being big spoon, you little, holding your hand and rocking you till you both fall asleep. every now and then you'd feel a kiss on your neck~

word count: about 575 ఌ

-karisa ♡︎

[windvexer]

I asked that question about the consecrate thing because I read in a magician blog that you should always clean and consecrate the tarot card before using it because otherwise some bad stuff might get attached to you specially if you're doing reading for other people but I also saw people saying this isn't true so Idk

The problem with magic is that there are lots of kinds of it, and some of the kinds are mutually exclusive.

If one guy says, "I have personally experienced Bad Stuff getting attached to me specifically because I didn't use a consecrated tarot deck, and this problem was solved once I started performing cleansing and consecration rituals before every reading," then I'm not going to argue with him.

But I've also been reading tarot for almost 16 years, I don't consecrate most of my decks, and while I've had weird and unwanted spirit encounters while reading for others, it's not something that's destined to happen.

In fact, in my opinion, if "bad stuff getting attached" is likely to happen to a person when they read tarot, something is wrong with that situation beyond a grimy, profane tarot deck.

One reason for such difference of opinion is worldview. When I started practicing magic, I was much more worried about harmful entities getting attached to me. This is because I was raised as a Christian inside of a church that placed heavy emphasis on how many evil spirits and demons were in the world. In the Church, I was taught that every single god or spirit outside of the Holy Trinity was actually a powerful demon in disguise, waiting to trick you into selling your soul to Satan.

Even when I later decided to change my beliefs and start practicing magic, it was very hard to shake the feeling that everything spiritual was very dangerous and evil, and that if I didn't constantly take special actions to protect myself, then bad things would happen to me.

But, the more practice and experience I've accumulated, the more I've moved away from this mindset and come to believe that it isn't true. I don't cleanse and consecrate my cards before I read because I do not believe that I live in a world where it is likely that bad stuff might get attached to me because I do readings.

There could also be a practical difference. If you do lots of readings for spirit workers, or people already dealing with hauntings or bad spirit encounters, then I believe that it's more likely that a tarot reader can make unintentional spirit contact. But that doesn't mean it's possible for the spirit to "attach" itself to the tarot reader, and that doesn't mean the spirit wants to attach itself to the tarot reader.

Maybe it's possible that the person who always cleanses and consecrates their cards is working with a lot of tarot readings that specifically seek information on harmful spirits who are likely to hurt those who "spy" on them.

In addition, I'm a spirit worker and a witch. I have the capacity to deal with encountering bad stuff and dealing with bad stuff. If something negative did try to "get me" through a tarot reading, I can deal with it and resolve the situation. Because of my faith and practice, I believe I have protective spirits around me who help me with these things. I also believe that I have the power to magically protect my home so that when I do divination, bad stuff is already kept at bay, regardless of what I do with the deck of cards.

Maybe that other person is taking action according to a worldview that bad things are likely to happen if they read tarot. Maybe they're often doing "risky" readings that intentionally seek out "bad stuff." Maybe they're choosing to use an abundance of caution. Maybe their magical tradition requires or recommends these extra steps, so that's why they espouse them.

But if that person is saying that all people need to always cleanse and consecrate their decks and always take special protective steps, I disagree. I don't think that's how the world works, and in my experience, that's not how it works.

[vodika-vibes]

Hi! So I’ve been reading your stuff for a while now. If you have time & are willing would you think about writing up a reader x Neyo piece with the reader walking eggshells around him because she’s always feeling intimidated by him and he wants to change that? Thank you!

What A Change

Summary: You're a member of Doctors Without Borders, brought into the war at the request of the Jedi Order. And you've been assigned to the 91st for months now. And you're starting to realize that there are undercurrents to your placement on the ship that you never noticed before.

Pairing: Pre Commander Neyo x Reader

Word Count: 1557

Warnings: Mentions of stalking, though the reader's largely unaware of it until the end

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: So I'm not sure I hit the vibe for the story, but it didn't feel right for the reader to be so nervous around Neyo and then to jump into a relationship. So this one might have a sequel.

“It’s…um…required, Commander.” You say quietly as you nervously fumble with your datapad, “Republic policy is very clear as to the requirements for any person or group of persons who wish to land on this specific planet.”

Commander Neyo is glaring at you. You know it without looking at him. You can feel the way his glare is burning into your skin. 

“And how long will it take to vaccinate the entire battalion?” He asks, his voice rough.

You flinch at his words, “Um…a couple of hours, maybe?”

Nayo exhales sharply and your grip tightens around your datapad, “Fine. I’ll let the men know. Is there anything else?”

You hesitate, “Um…just that…even after everyone is vaccinated, it’ll take two days before you’ll be allow to land-”

“And why wasn’t this known beforehand?” Neyo snaps at you, and you flinch back, and he exhales slowly, “We’ve known that we were coming here for days, why am I only just hearing about these requirements?”

“I…I told the Admiral-” You trail off.

“Fine.” He pauses, “I’m not going to hit you Doc, you don’t have to flinch whenever I enter the room.”

“I…sorry-” You mumble, and then you hear the sound of him leaving and you slump against your table with a sigh. 

Several months ago, when the war started, the Jedi Order reached out to Doctors Without Borders to get doctors who would be willing to work on warships and with the clone Medics.

You are one such Doctor. After days of background checks, as well as tests to ensure that you’re actually able to work with the clones, you found yourself attached to the 91st.

At first you were pleased.

Being attached to a Recon Battalion meant that you would have plenty of time to look into the increased aging of the clones while ensuring the health and wellbeing of the men and women on the ship as well.

And then you met Commander Neyo.

Cold, distant, and grumpy Commander Neyo. Who seemed offended at your very presence. You walked on eggshells around him, and even then you never seem to do anything right in his eyes.

He’s always picking and poking and prodding until you make a mistake. And then he gives that heavy sigh, like you’re nothing more than a burden on him and his brothers, and then asks you how you intend to fix the problem.

You always can. None of the mistakes that he’s caught, or the ones that you’ve admitted to, have caused harm to anyone on the ship. But he acts like it’s the end of the world.

You thought you were doing the right thing, informing the Admiral about the vaccine requirements for the planet. It’s not your fault that the Admiral ignored your information until you were already in orbit. Right?

Several hours later, you're called into a meeting with General Gallia, Commander Neyo, and the Admiral.

The Admiral, a petty, small minded man with more ego than actual sense, glares at you, and you shift uncomfortably. “Doctor, you should have warned us about the vaccine mandates of this planet.”

You feel a prickle of annoyance, and you quietly attach your datapad to the holo, and bring up the email, detailing that very fact, that you sent him several weeks earlier, “I think you’ll find that I did.”

The Admiral flushes an ugly shade of red, and you have a feeling that if General Gallia and Commander Neyo weren’t there, then he would physically try to hurt you.

Commander Neyo shifts, and you glance up at him as his arm brushes yours, “In any event, we can’t land for another two days, so what’s the play, General?”

Your gaze flickers around the room, from the Commander, who’s standing much closer to you than he normally would, to General Gallia, who has a stern look on her young face, and who is also standing slightly closer to you than normal, and then over to the Admiral, who has gone an unhealthy shade of gray.

And you realize that you must be missing something.

“There’s nothing we can do,” General Gallia says lightly, “Aside from waiting for the time to run out. Has the vaccinations started?”

“Yes ma’am,” You reply, “Everyone will be vaccinated by the end of the day.”

“Splendid.”

“Wait a minute,” The Admiral frowns at you, “How did you learn about the vaccination mandate?”

“Doctors Without Borders created the vaccine to begin with, when the plague first started.” You reply, “We were all vaccinated, just in case it spread to other planets.”

The Admiral’s eyes light up, “So you can go to the planet.”

You pause, and both the Commander and the General tense.

“I…suppose I could.” You say slowly.

“Wonderful, then you can go down first-”

“Absolutely not!”

“She’s a civilian!”

Commander Neyo and General Gallia speak in unison, but the Admiral raises a hand to silence them, “I’m hardly asking her to fight a battle. I’m asking her to go before us and report on the state of the planet.”

You shift uncomfortably, and you start in surprise when a strong hand lands on your shoulder and you’re jerked back behind Commander Neyo, he looks angrier than you’ve ever seen before in your life, and you’re glad that he’s not looking at you like that.

General Gallia looks thunderous, but when she speaks her voice is very calm, “Commander, will you please take the good Doctor and ensure she has what she needs for a trip to the planet?”

“Yes ma’am,” He guides you out of the room, and as soon as the door slides shut, you’re pretty sure you can hear raised voices on the other side of the door.

“Um…”

“We need to get you armor. It’ll have your organization's symbol on it, don’t worry.” His dark eyes scan you, “Do you know how to use a blaster?”

“What? No! Of course not! I mean, I know the theory? I just point and click, right?”

“That’s…not it at all, no.” Neyo replies, he lightly spins you and directs you towards the opposite side of the ship from your lab.

“I’m a doctor. Before all else, do not harm. I don’t need to know how to shoot. Even planets not connected to the Republic don’t fire on Doctors from Doctors without Borders.” You say, “Besides, this planet is peaceful.”

“They were peaceful. They’re not so much anymore.” Neyo takes you down to the armory, and starts looking for armor that might fit you.

You shift, uncomfortable, but somehow not intimidated by his silence, “Commander, what’s going on? It seemed like there was more going on in that room than I was privy to.”

He pauses, “Right. So, long story short, you were assigned to this Battalion at the Admiral’s request. General Gallia did some digging and he’s been a bit…obsessed with you since the start of your career.” He looks at a chest piece he’s holding and then eyes you, before he curses and tosses it to the side, “Apparently the real you isn’t anything like the you he created in his mind, and the General is concerned he might try and harm you.”

“What?” You squeak.

“The General asked me to stick close to you whenever the Admiral is around. He’s afraid of me.” Neyo pauses, and something wry crosses his face, “Of course, you’re also afraid of me.”

“I’m not afraid.” You defend yourself immediately, “You just…intimidate me.” 

“Same difference.” He digs around for a moment longer, and something sour crosses his face, “We don’t have anything that will fit you.”

You shift slightly, “I…have armor.” You admit.

“You…what?”

“It’s in my foot locker. We regularly get sent out to war zones, so-” You shrug, “I still don’t know how to shoot a gun, it was never something I needed to know.”

He exhales sharply through his teeth, “I can’t teach you how to shoot a gun well in the time we have. So here are my orders for you.”

“I’m listening.”

“Find someplace safe. A clinic or something. And in two days, I will come and find you.” Neyo says to you.

And the way he says it, you can’t help but to believe him.

“...I thought you hated me.” You admit quietly, “You were always there and always picking and prodding-”

“Whatever feelings I have regarding you, it’s not hate.” His lips curl up into a small smile, “I’m actually impressed by you. I know you’ve been looking into the aging issue whenever you can-”

“It’s why the Jedi called us. Because we care. People don’t join Doctors Without Borders unless they care a whole awful lot about everyone.” You explain with a shrug.

He nods slowly, “I’m beginning to realize that.” Neyo says nothing for a moment, and then he walks over to you and places his hand on your head, “I will come for you. In two days, as soon as I’m able to land on the planet.”

“Okay.”

His hand slides from the top of your head to the back of your neck, “And when we’re back on the ship, we can talk about feelings and shit.” He says with a disgusted scrunch of his nose, “But more importantly than all of that, I don’t want you to be afraid of me anymore.”

“I can try.”

“That’s all I ask.”

[thequietkid-moonie]

I saw you were wanting more suicidal requests, and I’ve been hoping to ask for one too, so Hanako, Teru, one of the aois, and natsuhiko with a suicidal or self harm s/o. Thank you, I love your angsty stuff, it’s amazing.

With a suicidal S/O

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Hanako, Teru, Aoi, Akane ]

[ Toilet Bound Hanako-kun / Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun ]

⚠️ A little bit of spoilers in Akane's part if you don't know about the first mistery

i'm sorry, I didn't read well your request and I made both Aois 🙁 please forgive me, but you can request it later if you really want it!

Hanako-kun

Hanako normally acts goofy and even flirty with you most of the time, even before getting into a relationship, he just want to be by your side and make you smile (but won't admit it out loud)

Even when he doesn't show it, unless is a dangerous situation, Hanako is really smart and perceptive and since you are so important for him he tend to pay close attention to you, specially if he notice you aren't feeling well or in troubles (although, he doesn't accept it right away and just make it seem as he wanted to mess with you for a while)

It probably reach the point where Hanako somehow always know how are you feeling even if you try to hide it from others, you can't trick him easily when he is always paying close attention to you, Hanako wants only the best for you and he wants to be able to provide it to you, one of his biggest fears is for you to make the same mistakes he made in the past

Hanako, in his own way, know pretty well that deep sadness and even the wish to be dead, he had already experienced it and knows how it isn't the solution at all, that is why at the smallest hint of you feeling that way Hanako is immediatly filled by anxiety, he doesn't want to get conclusions so quickly or think the worst so he will do his best to calm down and try to pry more information from you

Hanako isn't to comfortable with deep and serious conversation but he is willing to sit down and talk to you about this if that is what is need to get the information, he may be a little pushy and anxious while trying to pry the information but is just because he is scare of what may happen to you

When is finally confirmed that you actually wish to be dead, either by you opening to him or that is undeniable for the hints you gave him, Hanako will feel flooded by the sadness and the anxiety, you are so important to him that he just want to protect you and make you happy but how is he going to be able to protect you from that? He may even tear up for how much it hurt him knowing that you feel that way

Hanako does ask you why do you want to do something like that while he also tries to make you comprehend that dying is not a solution, there is no afterlife or peace after dying, he is desperate and extremely scare, he has his feelings on the surface and he is just acting from those feelings and may even be mean or pushy but at the end he is just desperate because he just want you to have a peaceful and happy life

It would take him a while to make peace with this, he wants to be away, to be alone to think about all of this, but at the same time he doesn't want to leave your side, not wanting to take the smallest risk. It will take him a while to organize his ideas before being able to give you any kind of support, and when he finally is ready to talk about it again with you he wants to know why do you feel this way and will explain that dead isn't the solution again, but this time in a more serious manner, he will speak from his heart and it would be one of those rare occasions where he express himself directly, no jokes, no teasing, just him opening his heart to you (and looking away because he feels embarrassed for doing it)

Knowing this affect Hanako a lot and it makes him have a little change of his behavior, subtle things like being more protective over you and treating you with more gentleness, or more direct ways like reminding you how happy it makes him that you are still alive or how brave you are for keep going whenever you two are alone

In the case you only have suicidal ideation, where you only think and even wish for that to happen or even thinking how you could do it, Hanako will be a little more calm but still stays wary of your actions, not wanting for you to take that step from the ideation to the realization. However, if you are actually planing on doing it or already have some failed attempts that is going to make him panic even more, it would make him constantly worried over you whenever you aren't in the school, he is so scare of something happening to you where he will never be able to reach you that after the weekend he just cling onto you since the monday morning, wanting to remind himself that you are still here, saying that is nothing and that he just missed your pretty face

Teru Minamoto

Teru perfect imagine is mostly a facade to cover up his job and to achive his goals, it isn't like he is lying but there is a lot of more of himself than what he let others see, and if you two are in a relationship means that he trust you enough to be willing to show you that part of him that almost no one know

As well, for being in a relationship means that you mean a lot for him, Teru has invested all his life on his work as an exorsist, not having another option, so being in a relationship with you is one of those little things with what he lets himself be a little selfish and cheerish for something on his life, something for him, you become one of those things that bring him pure joy and he wants to protect that at all cost

Teru is observant, perceptive and incredibly smart, he normally plays innocent but he is more aware of his surroundings that what he lets see, and since you are so special for him he is always paying a lot of attention to you, it reach the point where he can guess what are you thinking or knows when you need something, and he takes pride on that

That is why it isn't going to go unnoticed that you don't feel at your best, it won't take much time before Teru notice that you are having troubles, and he wants to find out on his own to be able to help you, however he isn't going to ask you right away, Teru wants to think in a lot of posibilities of why you could feel that way and having depression or even suicidal ideation won't cross his mind unless is more obvious (at least for him), mainly because doesn't want to jump into the worst scenario posible right away (for once, he want to think it could be something easy and only because you are involved), although at time pass by the idea of you being thinking on death grows more and more on his head, even if you try to hide it he can tell that you are thinking on it

This is going to affect him in a new way, Teru had been so focused on exorsicing supernaturals that he doesn't have much time to fear or doubt, but now he is fearing for you, doubting himself and feeling anxious, he doesn't want to lose you, you deserve to have a happy life! You don't deserve to end like those supernaturals he always fight! And what if you actually kill yourself and end up being a ghost, will he have the strength to finish your existance?

Teru is really affected by this, he is anxiously thinking about it, but isn't going to tell you that, he is going to wait until he finally has a good opportunity to talk about this with you because he is going to talk about it with you, although he is too nervous about bringing up the topic that it would take him a while to finally talk to you, Teru is just too scare of what he may heard from you, like if it wasn't completely true unless you tell him

Once he finally talks to you about it he is trying to stay calm and just focus on you and in what you feel, he tries really hard to be calm but he can't help and be a little pushy while asking you, just because he is scare of something happening to you and he doesn't know other way to approach the topic. Teru does it kindly and with a comforting smile but still he pry all the details he can, even when every little detail you say to him only makes him feel more and more scare

Teru wants to know the reason why do you feel this way, if he could he would immediatly exterminate that reason in order to help you, but he can't, so instead he just decide to be there for you and help you at the best of his habilities, Teru prefers to don't tell you how scare and worried this makes him about your safety but will express it if you ask him (but he tries to keep his smile, even when his eyes start to fill with tears)

After getting to know this Teru will start to be more affectionate with you if that is even possible, Teru is more direct and obvious with how much he loves you, even in front of others, althought when is just the two of you Teru allowed himself to be more sincere and express how much he loves and appreciate you in a more direct way, putting in words how grateful he is to have you in his life and how you make him feel like he can be more than just an excorsist

Aoi Akane

Aoi can easily be seen as a perfect girlfriend, however she is more than what people think of her and for being in a relasionship with her Aoi already knows that you actually know her and accept her as how she is

Aoi is far from a perfect girlfriend because this is actually a learning process for her, she is more used to be judged (by good and bad terms) and, also, she is more used to don't be sincere, there are only a few people with who she feels comfortable aside from you so she has a lot of to learn when it comes to be more open and sincere. Althought her love is completely sincere and you can tell for those little details she has, like actually getting a little shy sometimes or even smiling sincerity and love at you

Aoi is pretty good at reading people and knows when you aren't feeling at your best, however she isn't someone who comfronts others and even when you two are in a relasionship it will take her a while to gain the strenght to try to comfront you about it, in the mean timed she will try to find out in her own what is bothering you

Aoi is really smart so is probably that she will think that you may suffer from issues such as bad self-esteem or even depression if you don't tell her (but if you actually tell her about it she will be grateful), so she will be trying to help you from what she thinks is bothering you, mainly by words by telling you how much she loves you or how much she appreciate you (she doesn't always do it directly, only when is just the two of you), as well she does show you her support by actions, by directly being attentive of you and always close (as much as you let her)

Getting to know that you have a suicidal ideation is pretty shocking for her, she may thought that you probably feel really bad but she always prefered to brush it off and hope that it isn't that bad, still this is going to be too shocking for her, this is one of the rare occassions you can see her lose her usual smile and actually express how worried she is about this. Aoi does try to stay calm because this is a really serious topic and she want to know how much this feelings affect you, so even if she feels troubled by it she ask you for more details

If you only have the ideation it will make her feel a little more calm, but if you actually think seriously on suicide or even has failed attempt that will worry her even more, Aoi doesn't want to lose you, you are almost the only person with who she feels comfortable enough to let her guard down, she loves you so much that the thought of losing you make her feel sick, still she tries to keep as calm as possible to be able to try and help you (but is probably that she cries a little for how worried she is)

If the case is that she finds you just about to make an attempt or even just harming yourself Aoi will imediatly panic, without thinking she runs to try to stop you and may be a little harsh but is just because she is too scare

After having a conversation with you about it she will try to don't make a big deal out of it, she doesn't usually bring out the topic because it make her really anxious (specially if you don't like talking about it or don't want for others to know), however she is more than willing to heard you in case you want to vent about it (it would make her nervous but she prefers that you don't keep it to yourself)

Aoi definetly will not only suggest to search for profesional help but also will try to find ways to help you with it by herself, she has problems opening up to others and being sincere but she will try her best to be more open with her feeling and let you know constantly how grateful she is that you are in her life and how brave you are for keep going even when you don't want to continue

Akane Aoi

Once Akane is in love he is really obvious with how much he love you, he has not shame nor problems with scream it to the entre world if is need it, and even if you weren't interested on him that doesn't stop him to try to win your heart

Once in a relasionship Akane is completely clingy and affectionate, like if he didn't want to get away from you never, however he tries to be respectful of your bounduries, if there is something you aren't comfortable with he will imediatly stop it (or at least try to)

Even when Akane seems blinded by the love he isn't, he calls you beautiful and perfect because he sees you like that, Akane is so smart and observant that he knows a lot of you even if you don't say it directly, he just finds out by watching you and not matter what it is he will find it amusing, for him every part of your personality just makes you more and more charming

He knows when you aren't feeling alright because he is always paying attention to you and even when he doesn't tell you directly imediatly is something that bugs his mind non stop, he is trying to remember what happened and watch everything around you to try to find out what have made you so sad to take revenge on it. Akane is so observant that if you suffer from depression and try to hide it (or doesn't even know) he will find it out soon or later

Despite everything Akane may not confront you directly but will try to bring you comfort indirectly while trying to find out what caused you harm or upset you, but if is something more serious (like actually depression or something like that) he will like to sit down with you and talk about it in a more serious way (one of those rare times when you saw him so serious), he wants to know what is on your mind, what is bothering you and what exactly are you feeling, even if he doesn't express how worried he is his expression make it really obvious

For him is already hearthbreaking that you feel that bad but you wanting to die is something that will put him in a full state of panic, Akane loves you so much that he won't even doubt on putting himself in danger in order to protect you, besides you are the love of his life, you are the light of his days so the thought of losing you is something that he would see only in his worst nightmares

Finding out that you are suicidal, even if you only have a suicidal ideation makes him incredibly worried, for him is like putting you on the edge of your life, as if you we're about to die. If you are the one opening to him or he finds out some scars (either by just self harm ir for past attempts) the news will hit him really hard, but it would be worst if he ever find out by you having an attempt, in that case Akane will imediatly stop time out of instinct and just run towards you, holding you and cry his heart out, begging you to don't leave him (he does it with time stoped because he doesn't has the head to think on anything else, but doesn't have problem with express all of that over again later)

Akane will be actively trying to help you from that day, althought he is stuck between actually helping you by searching profesional help and checking on you constantly, and thinking that he can help you with only his love, what leads him to be even more direct with his love, however this time is more common for him to say how much he loves you or how he is incredibly happy to have you in his live with a serious expression, wanting to show that he isn't joking, he is completely serious with how much he loves you

[dallasgallant]

Time period post: Terminology and technology

This started as quick and easy smaller one but it’s sort of diverged into subsections, anyways… this’ll be on some of the existing technology and terminology of them time. There was actually a far bit more than you’d assume.

Let’s start terminology wise. “Refrigerated air” is still one of my favorites that I’ve discovered, it basically means that a building is air conditioned! HUGE! NEW THING! It was being added to motels, businesses - homes eventually etc. so a motel being “Refrigerated air, color Tv, swimming pool” is a really damn nice place. Now days motels seem to be looked down upon but they’ve always been a huge part of the culture, especially when cars were new and big and the height of road trips back in the 1950s-60s. (Howard Johnsons , holiday inn etc) this was also the height of roadside attractions/tourist traps think ‘worlds largest’ anything, Route 66 (before it crumped into the remains of today)

~

Another terminology heavy thing is Schooling,

Back in the day it was much more common to hear “Primary school” in America than it is now an alternative is Grammar school - both of which being daycare-Elementary. Then “junior high” was more common than Middle school

But in a smaller town it’s also common to have more than one if not all of these schools and grade levels shoved into one huge building.

Corporal punishment- hitting students, was still a thing. (Also the argument of basically student rights/are people when it came to anti war protest in high schools)

Desegregation of schools began.

Schools also started later in the morning but still got out at a decent time; this changed in the 1980s

~

As for general terminology a lot of slang is still used today that was introduced in the 60s, I’d recommend looking it up but for JD specific stuff I do have a post up!

It’s also important to recognize some of their language would be outdated… not actively out to harm but they wouldn’t have knowledge of language 50+ years in the future etc. (like how a lot of older phrases or words have become offensive etc)

~

As for technology, a lot was changing too. The computer was still new and huge— spanning rooms as this huge mechanical thing that was going to get man to the moon. Still far from being in homes. However, still a lot of neat stuff and gadgets for people to play with.

The 60s are really the height of what we’d now consider “Retrofuturism” with how maybe one day they’ll be huge video screens and transporters and video watches and world peace etc. there was a obsession with progress and innovation in a very optimistic way.

Though if you wanted to transport your music (and weren’t going to carry a huge ass record player around) you have small portable radios but also hand/shirt pocket ones as well. I can’t speak to sound quality …

Phones were still on the wall or on the table. Color tv was slowly being adopted in households across the country— but still pretty $$$ a lot of people would be sticking with B&W even if tv and movies were making the more permanent switch.

So uh fun fact about cars. It wasn’t until 1968 models came out that seatbelts were standard and required. It’s more than likely the boys cars don’t have seatbelts. (They were invented in the late 50s and it sort of depended)

Bench seats were also super common so it didn’t matter which side of a car you got into as you could just slide across. You can see where this only adds to teen car culture- make out points, drive ins with some uh backseat bingo (actual term! Lmao)

[heartss4matthewq]

COULDVE BEEN (c.s)

warnings: angst, fluff, self harm

summary: you and chris grew up in Somerville together. when you guys grow up things change. chris isn’t the same.

(at the beginning yall are kids)

—————————

*FLASHBACK*

“chris stopp” you said as he kept tickling your sides

“oh my gosh get over it y/n/n” chris said laughing

you and chris always got along when you were younger.

chris was the only person who understood you. sure, nick & matt loved you and you loved them. they weren’t chris though.

your guys’ parents used to joke that you and chris would get married one day.

“i have a surprise..close your eyes, okay?” chris said jumping off of the small porch you were sitting on

“chriss what is ittt!!” you exclaimed, excited to see what he had planned

“you’ll see” you can hear the autumn leaves crunching around you

you’ve been walking for 3 minutes and still have no clue what hes doing.

“okay were here” he stops you in the middle of the ground. “open”

the smell of old rain fills your nose.

you open your eyes and see chris on one knee next to a big tree with a strawberry ring pop.

“will you marry me mrs. y/n/l/n” chris says, a cheesy smile on his face.

“yes!” you say puckering your lips jokingly

chris puts the ring on your pointer finger.

“wanna go play on the swings y/n sturniolo?”

“that’s not my last name chris” you say smirking

“we’re married so now it is, you know how your moms last name is your dads? well yeah that’s how it works”

“oh okay”

*TIME SKIP*

chris has been gone for who knows how long.

the last time you saw him was in high school and you miss him like hell.

him & his brothers have blown up in their career on youtube since then.

you guys tried to stay in contact but it didn’t work.

you knew chris’ busy schedule so you didn’t blame him for getting distant.

although what no one did know, was that you and chris were “talking”

now, chris was not a player

chris had commitment issues & this hurt you a lot.

📞

“hii chris”

“hey.”

“um are you okay why do you sound annoyed?”

“yeah im cool just trying to chill right now”

“okay, when do you wanna make things official?”

“not soon because of my work and stuff like that”

“oh okay”

“yeah i’ll talk to you later though im gonna go film”

“okay have fun love you”

“mhm”

📞

you shut off your phone and put your face in your hands.

you started bawling not knowing why chris was like this.

one day he’d love you the next he would be so dry and barely talk to you.

why did he pretend you were something, you guys were nothing.

as you picked yourself off the floor you went and grabbed a razor blade.

you slid it over your wrist a couple times before putting it down and laying on your bed.

this was a new thing that chris never knew about & he would never find out.

as you laid there, you scrolled through chris’ instagram, and wow he looked happy but here you are sad and alone.

if chris knew what you had become since he left he’d-

slam.

“y/n?” chris exclaimed from downstairs

a million thoughts came through your mind.

“why is he here? when did he get back from LA? what if he sees me like this?

before you could even think about throwing the razor blade away he opened your door.

“chris wai-“ you said about to start crying again

“y/n. what is that?”

—————————

omg i’m so sorry if that triggered anyone. i made sure to put warnings and i hope this was good!! also this is a series.

[lythea-creation]

Expectations - Shams x fem reader (Chapter 1)

summary: Being the only child of a prestiged father, (f/n) always has to worry about her image. Only Shams can completely take that burden off her shoulders for a while.

warnings: none

word count: 1.087

Author's note: Feel free to check out my Masterlists and make requests. No reposting please! Reblogging, comments and requests are always appreciated <3 If you like the story/my writing, please don't be shy to say it via comments or asks! It takes you a few seconds and might make my day. It's the best appreciation you can show to a writer you like.

Requested? No

------------------------

“Hey (f/n)!”, Tasneem greeted me as I was sitting on my seat and getting out my stuff. “I can't believe we're in the same class.”

I smiled at her and took a sip of water.

“So what do you think? Wanna make another tiktok together? The last one kinda blew up. Our followers seem to love it”, she noted.

“Sure”, I agreed. “But I'm meeting up with Omar later. So we gotta do it in the break.”

“Of course! Girl, I'm so jealous! Omar's literal boyfriend goals”, she declared.

“Make your move then”, I encouraged her.

“You're still just friends? Come on! Why?”, she wondered.

“Why not?”, I shot back. “Just because he's a decently hot guy and we've literally known each other for ages doesn't mean we have to become a couple.”

“It basically does though”, she claimed.

I had to suppress a groan at her statement. Why did everybody have to insist on that?

“Oh. Hitchcock's in our class”, Hiba announced as Shams entered the classroom.

Anger bubbled up inside of me. All I wanted to do was to stand up for Shams, but we had settled on avoiding each other at school as it might harm my image to be seen with her.

Luckily the topic shifted quickly when Sarah started talking to Tasneem.

So I decided to get a head start and began studying. After all I needed to keep up my good grades this term.

When the first day after the holidays was finally over, I could not wait to get to my favorite siblings.

I walked for a few minutes until I reached the meeting point where Shams picked me up with her bicycle.

“Ready to get home?”, she inquired with a grin.

“You have no idea”, I shot back and hurried onto the saddle.

I could easily not hold on without falling off, but I definitely would not waste this opportunity to hold onto Shams tightly, daring to lean against her.

“You're really pushing your luck, (f/n)”, she complained teasingly.

She was always claiming that she could not focus on keeping us driving when I was this close.

When we entered her home, the first thing we did was getting us a glass of ice water. It had somehow become a ritual whenever I came over because we used to stay out in the sun for far too long when we were kids, obviously dehydrating in the process.

Suddenly Omar walked into the kitchen as well.

“Why aren't you wearing a shirt?”, Shams questioned, frowning at her brother's naked upper body.

“I just came out of the shower”, he enlightened us.

An idea popped up in my mind and I could not help but act on it.

Before Omar realized what was happening I had fished and ice cube out of my glass and slipped it into his pants.

“Ah, you little ...”, he screamed out and jumped around due to the coldness. It was a hilarious sight and Shams breaking out in laughter was absolutely worth it.

“You're so gonna regret this”, he threatened me as soon as he got back to his senses.

I did not hesitate to run away as he was chasing me.

“Help”, I called out.

Of course, Shams supported me and made her brother trip over her foot, leading him to stumble to the ground.

“That's so not fair”, he grumbled and stayed down.

I exchanged a glance with Shams, who shook her head no.

After a while I warily approached Omar, feeling slightly guilty for pranking him and then teaming up against him. But that immediately changed when he took a hold of my ankle, then my wrist. He had caught me.

“(f/n), you're too naive sometimes”, Shams noted.

Before any of us could stop him, he grabbed my glass and emptied it over my head. Several ice cubes plus water as revenge for one.

“Omar!”, I cursed. “Have you gone crazy? Shit!”

Now he was the one laughing and out of the corner of my eyes I recognized that Shams was barely holding in her laughter as well.

“Oh no! You don't get to laugh at me”, I exclaimed and enveloped her in a hug.

“Ugh, guys! I didn't even do anything”, she reminded us as her clothes were soaked now.

“You just watched”, I remarked.

“Which you didn't complain about when you were the culprit”, she pointed out.

“Of course”, I agreed.

After a few seconds we all started laughing again. None of us could hold a grudge against each other for long.

“Let's get some dry clothes”, Shams suggested and pulled me to her room.

“Hey! I thought you were gonna hang out with me”, Omar interjected.

“You don't seriously expect me to stay like this”, I shot back.

“You can take my clothes”, he offered desperately.

“What's your problem?”, Shams wondered, still not letting go of my hand.

“Well … I may be her best friend, but you're her girlfriend. I know you both too well. As soon as she enters your room I'll be forgotten for at least the next hour”, he assumed.

“We're not THAT bad”, I claimed.

“How many stories do I need to tell you?”, he questioned.

“Okay, okay. We got it”, Shams stopped him. “She'll be right back.”

When we arrived in her room, Shams got some clothes for me and herself and then disappeared in the bathroom.

“Why are you doing that to me?”, I whined.

Hope was filling me when she opened the door, but she closed it again after throwing a towel in my face.

Defeated I began drying myself off and putting her clothes on. The fact that they were a bit too big for me was making it even more comfortable.

“I promised Omar we wouldn't take long”, Shams finally answered while getting out of the bathroom.

“I will let him wait a bit longer though”, she declared and pulled me into a passionate kiss that almost turned into a serious make-out session.

“Now go or I'll keep you”, she warned me.

I was just as reluctant to go as she was to let me. But I knew she was right. I was hanging out with Omar today, not with Shams. It would not be fair to let him down.

-------------------------

Next Chapter

Well ... I planned to write a Oneshot, but I couldn't help it and now I'm turning it into a series. Yeah, I know! Another Shams series ... I can't help myself. She's my favorite after all!

I hope you like the first chapter. Feel free to send me suggestions if you have any.

Btw I absolutely love that picture of Shams!

Tag List: @sunwoniie

[2baddiesfanfics]

Let Destiny Decide (Chapter 2)

Pairing: Kafka x Himeko

Tags: Angst, Exes, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering

Summary:

In this prequel chapter, we take a step back to the past, peering into how Kafka and Himeko became so much more than coworkers.

Read on Ao3

Chapter 2: Just Stay

Never in a million years did Kafka imagine this was where she’d end up. She’d spent a good chunk of her life running from, well, everything. Who would have thought a stranger – one she had plowed into, no less – would be the first to see a glimmer of potential in her and give her a chance?

It had all seemed a little too perfect. Kafka had always written off the concept of fate or destiny as utter bullshit. The stuff of fairy tales and daydreams. A way to cope with how fucked up the present was.

Until she met Himeko. Even as she listened to her chastise her reckless actions, she couldn’t focus on the words coming out of her mouth. She was dumbstruck by her beauty. The way her golden eyes shown with genuine concern disguised as irritation. Brought back to reality by the fiery-haired woman’s extended hand, she suddenly had the feeling that if she took it, the trajectory of her life would change in unimaginable ways.

For once in her life, she was right.

As the two hopped from planet to planet, Kafka went from being excited to take on missions with her to being legitimately frightened. She was tough. She was used to manipulating and faking her way through every possible scenario that could be thrown at her. What she didn’t know how to handle were these very real feelings starting to emerge. Himeko was essentially her boss and the reason she was no longer scrounging around for a place to rest her head at night.

And she had fallen in love with her. God, she hated that word. There had been a time when she might have believed in the concept. But she had been burned far too many times. Now the term carried a connotation that made bile start to rise in her throat.

As if someone like her would ever feel that way about someone like me. I’m lucky she even bothered to take a gamble and bring me on. As long as I can call the Express my home, I’ll live with being nothing more than a coworker.

Or so she thought.

They’d recently picked up a gig on a planet famous for its high-end clientele and luxurious nightclubs. It was a messy job with more than a few close calls. In the end, they had made it through unscathed – mostly. At first, Himeko had railed at her.

Goddammit, Kafka! We had him right there and you almost let him get away!

Listen here, princess. If we had done it your way, he WOULD have gotten away. Look, I know my ways may be a bit…unorthodox, but we got the job done. No harm, no foul. You should be thanking me, really.

Himeko scoffed and practically ran to her room. Kafka figured this was yet another one of her melodramatic acts to prompt her to apologize for her behavior. And as always, she’d refuse to give in. She knew things would soon blow over and they’d be back to business as usual. An hour went by, and sure enough, she heard the cabin door open. The sight that greeted her threatened to break her emotionless façade.

She emerged from her room in an extremely tight scarlet dress that barely made it mid-thigh. Kafka had seen her dressed up before for client meetings, but this was certainly not what she normally wore for those situations. She chose her next words carefully.

“Job’s over. What’s the occasion?”

“Occasion? We’re on a planet renowned for its party scene. I think I’ve earned a drink or two. I’ll be back later. Or tomorrow. I suppose it’ll depend on how the night goes. Say goodnight to Pom Pom for me.”

Kafka felt the blood drain from her face. Calm the fuck down. She’s doing this shit on purpose. Don’t give her the satisfaction.

“I see. Have fun.”

“Oh, I plan on it. Bye now. And Kafka? Don’t wait up for me.”

————————-

The beat of the music thrummed through Kafka’s entire body as she sauntered past the bouncer and straight to the bar. Flashing lights ricocheted off the sequins of her midnight black dress. Heads turned, but she couldn’t care less.

“What can I get you, miss?” The bartender shouted over the heavy bass.

“Whisky. The hardest you’ve got,” she commanded.

He nodded, poured, and traded the glass for her credits. She took a sip, the amber liquor scorching the back of her throat. Scanning the crowd, her eyes shifted from one end of the packed dancefloor to the other. Himeko was here. She knew she was. For work purposes, they tracked their respective locations on their phones in case one got into a pinch and needed to be located quickly and quietly.

Finally, her gaze locked on to that which it sought. How could she miss that hair, red as the glass of merlot she had in her hand, the other wrapped around the waist of some unknown woman as they writhed together to the pulse of the song. If she gripped her now-empty tumbler any harder, it would shatter in her hand. Her vision had blurred slightly and she had to focus her steps as she trod to the spot in front of the DJ.

Grabbing her shoulder, Himeko turned and her eyes widened in sudden recognition. The woman she had been dancing with took one look at Kafka and could tell it would be in her best interest to find another partner.

“What are you doing here? I don’t believe I gave you an invitation,” she yelled into her ear.

“You know what I’m doing here. Don’t play dumb and quit fucking with me,” Kafka shouted back.

“I just came here to blow off some steam. Fuck off,” Himeko sneered.

“I can see that. Was she the one who bought you that drink?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t see why it matters to you.”

Snatching the glass from her hand, Kafka knocked back the liquid that remained. Grabbing Himeko’s hips, she pulled her against her violently. Her breath hot in her ear, she said, “Let me tell you why it matters. I know you like pushing my buttons, but I’m not a monster. I have feelings, just like you. You came here deliberately to make me jealous. I don’t think that’s playing fair.” Her lips were so close Himeko could feel them against her skin.

The woman leaned into Kafka’s embrace as they swayed to the rhythm. “And since when have you ever played fair, Kafka? Why do you think I get so upset when you pull stupid shit like you did today, hmmm? You’re a smart woman. You can figure it out.”

Spinning her around so Himeko’s back was flush against her chest, she made sure she could hear her reply. “Why don’t you enlighten me?”

The woman turned her head, pressing her scarlet-stained lips hard against Kafka’s. Was it seconds? Minutes? Neither could tell. Kafka only regained her ability to think when she felt herself hit a wall. Twirling their bodies, she pinned Himeko against it. The people around them were far too occupied with their own good time to interrupt theirs.

Finally, Himeko pulled away, ducking under the other woman’s arms. “Now. I’m going to go get that drink I was sipping on until someone decided it was theirs. It tastes much better out of a clean glass than off your filthy lips,” she spat out before heading back to the bar.

Kafka stood dumbstruck, bracing herself with her hands against the wall. What the hell just happened? Spinning around to try and catch a glimpse of her, she watched as yet another woman approached Himeko at the bar. The room spun and fire shot through her veins as she witnessed her place her hand gently on the lady’s arm. Although she couldn’t hear it over the cacophony of sound, she could tell Himeko was laughing daintily at whatever stupid fucking thing this bitch must have told her.

Kafka’s fingers hovered involuntarily against her lips, the sensation of Himeko’s on hers still weighing heavy. The object of her desire glanced back toward her as she watched her process all that had transpired in a matter of minutes. Collecting herself, Kafka tread over and inserted herself between Himeko and this stranger.

“So, you just decide to make out with me and then walk away? Is that really how you want to remember our first kiss?” Kafka asked with her signature sarcasm.

Himeko rolled her eyes. “Are you really that dense, or can you not see I’m in the middle of something here?” She knew she was getting to her. The leader of the Astral Express could scheme with the best of them. The two hadn’t traveled together for very long, but it was long enough for her to know exactly how to get into her head.

Kafka sneered at the unknown encroacher standing next to her, a deep-seated rage blazing in her gaze. “Leave,” she commanded. The interloper didn’t need to be asked twice as she scurried off as fast as her high-heels could carry her.

Chugging down what remained in her glass, she gave her a stern look. “What do you want, Kafka? You want me to tell you that kiss meant something? Or would you rather hear about how I think about you when I’m alone in my room?”

Kafka knew they were both buzzed at a minimum, but despite this could tell what she had just admitted was not a mere slip of the tongue. A low growl hitched in her throat at her words.

“Or that it irritates me when you break the very explicit rules I set on our missions, but won’t allow yourself to break the rules between us?”

Before she could retaliate, Himeko grabbed her by the hand and led her to the dance floor once more. “Since you’ve scared away my partners tonight, you’re taking their place.”

She pressed her body against Kafka’s, grinding against her as the music drowned out their thoughts. Unsure how to respond, she let Himeko lead, grabbing her by the waist to keep herself steady. There was no way she’d be able to form a coherent thought having her ass rub against her crotch like this anyway. Might as well enjoy it.

As soon as the DJ ended his set, Himeko grabbed Kafka’s wrist and practically sprinted to the exit. Their ears rang from intense volume and adrenaline, preventing them from discussing the matter further.

Himeko had already planned to not return to the Astral Express that night and reserved a hotel room - not to fuck a stranger, but to have a discreet place to sleep off the inevitable hangover. Once behind closed doors, she could no longer control herself. She lunged toward Kafka, her tongue seeking the warm wetness of her mouth.

Trying to catch her breath, Kafka pulled back. “Princess…are you sure about this?” She wanted this more than anything but didn’t want to take advantage of the situation.

“Did I not just tell you how it upsets me that you won’t break the rules between us? Of course I’m sure. Now shut up and fuck me,” Himeko demanded as she stripped out of her dress. Kafka quickly followed suit.

Pushing her down onto the bed, Himeko moved to straddle her. “Gods how I’ve dreamed of this,” Himeko whispered as she peppered kisses across Kafka’s chest.

“Why didn’t you just say so? You’re such a go-getter, I figured you more for the ‘take what I want’ type,” Kafka groaned in response.

Himeko peered up at her with lust-filled eyes. Kissing up to her neck she stopped to lick and suck at the tender flesh before biting down.

“Fuck! I suppose I deserved that.”

“Well…you did just tell me to take what I want,” she responded cheekily.

“Ah, I see you’re a bratty princess,” Kafka teased.

Himeko massaged Kafka’s breasts, causing her to moan into her mouth. Her other hand snaked between her lover’s thighs, her index finger easily gliding between her soaking wet folds.

She smirked as she brought her finger back up to her line of sight to inspect it. “For someone who talks a big game, it sure doesn’t take much to get you ready, hmm?”

“What was it you said to me before? Oh yes. Shut up and fuck me,” Kafka ground out.

Himeko continued to collect her arousal before inserting a single digit into her. Slowly thrusting in and out, she allowed her to adjust to the welcome intrusion.

“Ah…princess…you have no idea…how long I’ve wanted this,” Kafka heaved.

Moving her fingers faster, Himeko replied, “You’ll have to show me how bad you want me after I make you come.”

Kafka’s hips bucked in time, her senses going haywire at the feeling of the other woman’s lips on her neck and her fingers pinching and pulling her nipple. Himeko felt her walls contracting around her, and, knowing she was close, used her thumb to stroke her clit.

“Ohhhhhhh, Himeko!!” She shouted in ecstasy as she hit her peak, her hands gripping the sheets beneath them. The leader of the Astral Express kissed her bare shoulder tenderly, trying to convey through actions what her words could not yet communicate.

“Mmmm…I was right to be jealous. Anyone who gets that treatment besides me is now on my hit list.”

Himeko glared at her, and she held up her hands in surrender, smirking.

“Kidding! Kidding. But I do hope I can make you feel the same way.” Her eyes shown with a look that felt dangerous - and Himeko was ready to find out why.

“Let’s see if you can make me not regret taking you home instead of that gorgeous blonde I was dancing with earlier.”

Kafka snarled and pounced on her, her hand grabbing her by the sides of her neck. “My, my. I know you love to rile me up, but I’ll make you regret toying with me like that.” She dove forward, their mouths crashing against each other.

Himeko felt Kafka’s canines sink into her bottom lip and she could no longer put up a strong resistance. Her hand slid around the back of her head pulling her in deeper, harder. Kafka smiled as the other woman moaned into her mouth. This would be easier than she thought.

Her lips traveled across her neck as she moved down her body. Resting between the curve of her breasts, she alternated between gentle kisses and rough nibbles, relishing the noisy reactions she received. Himeko’s fingers were threaded through her hair, pulling and tugging in a wordless plea for more.

Kafka had always admired her physique. She was lovely, with a body that reminded her of those statues of ancient Greek goddesses. Having now experienced the way her naked skin felt under her lips, tongue, and fingers, she didn’t think she’d ever be able to live without it.

Without even having to ask, Himeko voluntarily spread her legs as if beckoning her to taste. Kafka positioned herself at her entrance, teasing her ever so softly with the tip of her tongue.

“Gods…Kafka…fuck…” she whined, too proud to beg for more. She could feel the woman chuckle against her, the vibration shooting directly to her clit. Not wanting to taunt her even more, she started with long, languid licks as she luxuriated in this taste she had longed to experience. For someone who drank coffee like it was her job, her flavor was unusually sweet. I could get used to this, Kafka thought.

She stroked the sensitive bud with her tongue, listening to Himeko’s groans hit a crescendo.

“That’s right, baby. Let me hear how good I make you feel,” she ordered as she inserted a pair of fingers, pumping in time with the strokes of her tongue.

“Ahhhhhh Kafkaaaaaa! I-I’m…” the last word was lost as she let out a primal cry of pleasure, her thighs squeezing Kafka’s head to keep her in place.

Removing her fingers from her, she licked them clean as Himeko watched hungrily. She could swear her already flushed cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red.

“Fucking delicious,” Kafka muttered before plopping down beside her. Worn out from the emotional rollercoaster they had both ridden that night, they shared a yawn as they fought to keep their eyes open.

“Himeko…about tonight…where-“

The woman interrupted her with another kiss. Resting her forehead on hers, her tired eyes pleaded for silence.

“Kafka, please. Not tonight. Let’s not complicate it. We’ll have all the time in the world to discuss it tomorrow. For now, just…stay.”

[callsigndragon]

The Christmas Date | Chapter 9: You make it feel like Christmas

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Fem!Kerner!Reader

(Ron Kerner is Slider, Iceman’s backseater)

Wordcount: 2.2k

Summary: Y/n “Athena” Kerner and Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw hate each other. Everybody knows. What happens when they have to fake date for a whole week to avoid Iceman and Slider’s matchmaking plans?

(there won’t be smut in this series)

Warnings: fluff, fluff, FLUFF, and..ANGST. SOLO’S BACK. I don't know how to write the warn... Solo tries to breaking in and harm Thena.

A/N: You're so gonna hate me for this I'm so SO sorry. Hope you can FORGIVE ME.

Taglist:@ducks118 @milestellerwife @craftymoonchaos @littlebadariell @xoxabs88xox @alexxavicry @tayrae515 @shrimping-for-all @mak-32 @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @harper1666 @purplevortexx @abaker74 @ssprayberrythings @melllinaa @loveless-simp @k-k0129 @mygyn @castle-bookworms-world @chaoticversion @one-sweet-gubler @loveforaugust

@taytaylala12 @benhardysdrumstick @green-intervention @waatermelon-sugaar @smells-like-perfect-senses @interstellarloneliness @tay-bluey @diggorycullen @dhwanishah09 @inky-sun @luckyladycreator2 @nograce-nomercy @witchybabel @thegladeslut

(If you want to be added, write in the comments!)

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Once the camera is secured in a bag, you look around the jewelry section a bit more, hoping to find the ring you’ve been searching for the past fifteen years. 

When you were younger, your family decided to go on a cruise in the summer. You were just a week away, but it was enough for some thieves to enter your house in hopes of finding money, jewelry, or other valuable things that they could sell. 

One thing they took, the most important thing to you, was your grandma’s wedding ring. The thieves were caught a few weeks later, but all your stuff was gone. You have been looking at every antique shop or pawn shop in the vicinity ever since, hoping that somehow, the ring would have magically been placed there for you. 

But this time, like always, the ring isn’t there. 

You exit the store, looking for Rooster who is still talking to someone from the base. He winks at you when he sees you, rushing to end the conversation. “We’ll talk about this when I get back, okay? Just hold onto it for a while. Okay, bye” he hangs up and walks towards you. “You bought something?” 

“Yeah, I found the perfect gift,” you smile when he leans over to kiss your head. “You should stop doing that.” 

He chuckles, grabbing the bag so you don’t have to carry it around. “Why? I thought you liked it”

"That's exactly the problem," your confession causes him to burst out laughing, the sound warming your heart. 

“My, my, grouchy. And you were supposed to keep hating me”

“Oh, I still hate you.”

“No, you don’t” 

You sigh, letting your head fall in defeat. “No, I don’t” 

“So, lunch or dress? What are we doing first?” 

You think carefully before answering. “As much as I want something warm and sugary right now, we need to look for a dress. I’ll be all bloated later.” 

“Okay, but we’re getting pizza later,” he announces, opening his hand for you to take it. 

“Deal"

"What about this one?" You say, showing Rooster the dress. It's strapless, and glittery. 

"You don't need all that glitter to shine, fly girl," he says, looking for the perfect dress. 

You can feel your cheeks heat up at his comments. He needs to stop being so casual with his flirting. 

Rooster grabs a red dress from the hanger. Is a spaghetti-strapped dark red dress; the skirt goes a few inches below the knees. "I like this one. What do you think?"

You look at it and are not so sure about the length. "I'll have to wear heels with that" 

"You don't want to wear heels?" he asks, looking at the dress. 

"They hurt like a bitch," you complain, knowing that you'll have to wear them one way or another.  

"We can have some flats in the car, and you change them when the heels become too much," he offers.

"Where have you been all my life?" You laugh, grabbing the dress to try it on. 

"Right in front of you, love" he smirks. 

"Do you practice in front of the mirror or something?" 

"Oh, no. It's all natural" 

You grab him by the collar of his jacket, pulling him down to kiss him. It doesn't matter how many times you do it; it still gives you a warm feeling inside. 

"You keep doing that, and I'll have to start practicing some new lines," he whispers while leaning down to kiss you again. 

"Stop! I don't want to get kicked out of the shop," you say, taking the dress. "Where are the changing rooms?" 

He points out where they are when his phone pings. "Wait a sec," he checks the message and smiles. "It's Jesse's toy." 

"The Paw Patrol lookout tower we couldn't buy because it was sold out everywhere?"

"Yeah, I asked the woman at the toy shop to send me a message if they happened to get more of them"

"What are you waiting for? If you don't go buy it now, someone else will!"

"But," he mumbles with a pout, "I want to see you try on the dress.." 

You chuckle. He's such a big baby. "The toy shop is only ten minutes away, I'll grab a few more dresses to try on, and I'll wait for you in the changing room, okay?" 

He nods and kisses your cheek before almost sprinting out of the shop. You shake your head while laughing at his antics, looking for more dresses. You're sure you're going to end up buying the one Rooster showed you, not because it's his choice or something. It's a really cute dress. 

Having found three more cute dresses, you head to the changing room. You lock the door and try them on, one by one. You leave the red one for last, so that Rooster can be here to see it. 

The green one is a big no. It doesn't look good on you. The black one looks good, but maybe isn't appropriate for a Christmas party. You take a second look at that blue one, and it's not even worth a try. It's really horrible. 

You put on the dark red velvet gown that Roos had chosen. Yes, that's the dress. really Christmassy and adorable 

There's a soft knock on the door, and you make sure you're not showing anything before opening the door a few inches, just enough to see who is knocking. Just in case it isn't Rooster but the salesperson. Rooster's face is not the one you see on the other side, nor is it the salesperson's. 

It's Solo’s. 

Before he can even say anything, you close the door and lock it, panic rushing through your body. You know you’re safe as long as you’re inside the changing room. There’s no way Solo can burst in without alerting the other people in the shop. That doesn’t mean you can stay there forever. Should you call the police? Not an option. The police station is too far away; it’ll take them forever to come. That only leaves you an option, but you don’t want to. 

"Come on, Thena, open the door," Solo says to you as you watch the doorknob turn. He’s trying to enter. “You’re being overdramatic, honey. I just want to talk” 

His voice makes you feel nauseous. You look around the room, grabbing the hanger of one of the dresses you had tried on. Maybe you could use it as a weapon. No, it’s impossible. The moment you try to open that door, he’s going to attack you. You feel the hanger slip from your hands as you grab your bag, rummaging through it until you find your phone. 

“Please don’t be driving.” You search for Rooster’s phone and call him. “Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up,” you whisper to yourself, almost screaming, when Solo bangs on the door a few times. 

“Open the damn door, Y/n!” 

You start shaking, fearing that he might get inside the small room at any moment. 

"Grouchy, I’m driving. Can you wait?” Rooster’s sweet voice makes you start crying. It's as if he's standing right next to you, but you know he isn't. “Are you crying?” 

The only thing next to you is a monster banging on the door and trying to break it down. 

“He’s here, Roos,” you let out between sobs. You can hear him slam on the brakes, and cars behind him are honking at him. 

“Who’s there?” 

“Solo”

“Are you safe?” 

Solo keeps talking. Rooster is talking too; everybody is talking. The banging, their voices. Everything is too much. You just want it to stop. You just want the world to become silent for a second. 

“Thena, answer me!” Rooster exclaims. 

“He’s trying to enter. I don't know how much the door is gonna resist!” 

“Don’t hang up, you hear me? Do not hang up.” You focus on his labored breathing and the sound of his steps. It seems like he’s running to get you. He keeps saying things, but you cannot hear them. Is he saying sweet things? Is he talking about how close he is to the shop? Is he telling you that everything’s going to be okay? You can’t know. 

You only hear the ringing in your ears, your own heartbeat, and your loud breathing. 

Suddenly, the doorknob stops twisting. Is he gone? You stare at it for a minute. Two. A whole eternity. 

It doesn’t move anymore. But you’re afraid he’s waiting outside for you. You're afraid of opening that door to flee this shop and finding his disgusting face in front of you, his figure hidden in one of the other two changing rooms. 

When the doorknob twists again, you scream. 

“Thena, it’s me. Can you open the door for me?” His voice comes softly from the phone and from the other side of the door. You get up from the floor, moving away from the corner where you have been all the time. Unlocking a door shouldn’t scare you like this. 

“Is he gone?” you whimper. 

“He’s gone” 

The door opens, and as he said, Rooster is the only person standing in front of you. His eyes scan your body, looking for any sign of discomfort or pain. He’s making sure that you’re not hurt. He slowly raises his hands, moving them toward your arms. When you step back, not wanting to be touched at the moment, you swear you can see his heart breaking into a million pieces.

“Are you okay?” 

“Physically, yes. Mentally… I don’t think I’m gonna walk into a shop in years,” you whisper, goosebumps running down your spine now that the adrenaline is leaving your body. 

Rooster takes off his jacket, offering it to you. “Cover yourself, let’s get out of here.” 

“I need to get out of this dress” 

“The dress… Just you wait to know what the salesman has done” 

You need to know how you got into this situation. “Tell me”

He shakes his head, grabbing the clothes you were wearing before. “Not now.” 

“Rooster, please” 

He sighs, leaning against the mirror. “Solo payed him to close the store for an hour so he could be alone with you” 

You blink several times, the information seeming to be unable to register in your brain, “He did what?” 

“The guy thought you were his girlfriend. And Solo told him that he just came back from a deployment and wanted to surprise you”

“How do you know?” you ask, moving closer to him. A part of your body doesn’t want to be touched, but another part needs the comfort and the warmth of Bradley’s body. It's like your body needs to know he’s there, even though you’re seeing him. Your body needs to feel him close to stop shaking. 

“That idiot didn’t want me to enter the shop until ‘the happy couple had finished with their reunion’. When i got in here, Solo was gone.” 

“You didn’t punch the salesman, right?” for some reason, the idea of him hitting that dumb guy makes you chuckle.

“I’m saving myself for that son of a bitch” 

You nod, taking a deep breath and closing your eyes. “I need to get out of this dress. Can you stay outside?”

He nods, handing you the clothes. “Do you want me to clos-”

“No!” you reply quickly, you don’t want to be alone in there. 

“Okay, I’ll let the door wide open. I’ll look away” 

New fear unlocked: red velvet dresses and changing rooms. 

When you get home, you thank God that the house is empty. Maybe they have gone to buy the Secret Santa gifts, like you did. You’re so glad you bought the camera before everything happened. Your head is not in the right mindset now to care about gifts. 

"Where do you wanna spend the rest of the day?" Rooster asks, not wanting to leave you out of his sight again. 

"Honestly, I just want to change my clothes and get into bed" 

He sighs, nodding. "You need to eat something, though." 

"Maybe later… Do you have that Polaroid album you talked about before?" 

"In my bag. Wanna see it?" 

"Yes, please" you say, moving upstairs. 

Once in the room, Rooster offers you one of his hoodies. "I can't hug you right now, but maybe the hoodie can?" 

How can this be the same guy that flies an F-18? How is he the same guy that…almost took everything away from you so many years ago. Why did he ever do that? You need to know. Now. 

"Bradley"

He hums, waiting for your question. 

"Why did you try to pull my papers for the Naval Academy?" 

[biolizardboils]

Hey again.

I was saving this for when I'd wrapped some other stuff up, but it's taking too long. I'm just gonna say it while the words are fresh in my head.

The two-month break I've been on? I think I'm gonna stay on it. As in, stay logged off except on special occasions.

There's still things I want to finish here. I will answer what's left at @ask-the-all-consuming-void and bring it to a proper ending; The Secret Thing it was gonna segue into will go up, even if only as sketches and drafts; And there's another project I'm still helping with behind the scenes. But aside from those… I want to maintain my internet presence a lot less.

I've learned a lot about myself since I left: most importantly the hyper-empathy, compassion fatigue thing, and that being terminally online probably does more harm than help. There's trying to be a good, vigilant person, and then there's overwhelming oneself about things they can't control, with info that isn't always accurate. I've been doing the latter in different ways for years; late April/early May was a big wake-up call. Lesson learned: I've got to find balance, and I won't find it here.

The second-most important thing I learned is that… the reason I "joined" the internet in the first place? It's pretty much been fulfilled. Has been for a few years now, actually.

I made this tumblr in 2015, but I got my real start on deviantART and WordPress in 2011. Don't expect links; what people post in their preteens can stay between them and God lol. But I'll tell you what got me to make accounts: my confusion as a new Sonic fan. The way people talked about them, the way they talked to each other… it hurt to see.

I got it in my preteen head to set a better example. To not let my love for something become disdain for others of its kind. To explain instead of assume. And to assure anyone who'd listen that it's not shameful to like Sonic, that those who do deserve better, and that they could still have it better someday.

And now, 13 years later… we do. The hurtful stuff I saw back then is nearly gone now. When it does pop up, it's easier to counteract than ever. People realize how silly and petty and wrong it was, and can call it out accordingly. People can live a little truer to themselves, now that that shit isn't everywhere anymore.

I think that, specifically, is all I really wanted. Everything else—the reinvigoration of the characters and their world, the downpour in avenues once closed off by "cringe" and "not enough interest"—have been wonderful byproducts. I've been gassing up Sonic Movie 3 as the final step, but it's really more of a victory lap.

After realizing that, I just… don't feel the need to post so much here anymore. My self-worth and sense of morality shouldn't rely on what I do or don't type. I don't need to document every thought or choice I make and why.

The cause I've performed for since middle school no longer needs my time and energy, if it ever even did. I can just enjoy things in relative silence, and spend myself in other ways. Ways I've taken too long to get around.

Sonic Unleashed is what set me down this path. I watched it go from rejected at launch, to just divisive, to respected and beloved. I still wonder if, had it gotten a fairer chance, the current Sonic renaissance could've happened sooner.

But dwelling on that won't change anything. I'd rather dwell on how, this year, I got to scream Endless Possibility with hundreds of other people, loudly and proudly. No fear of who's watching, no need to self-sabotage. It meant the world to me.

There was a con in my area on June 23rd. I wasn't planning on doing anything that day until I heard about it. There was someone in attendance who helped me put a symbolic bow on this part of my life.

I think he did a wonderful job :)

I have one last thing to say before I go. That'll be its own post, so I can put it in the public Sonic tags.

Again, the stuff I've left hanging here will get finished eventually. But for now, this is goodbye.

Moots, followers: thank you so much. I will quite literally remember you all in therapy.

--BiolizardBoils

[a-slight-sweet-fiction]

More (incomplete, still-developing) thoughts on what happened in Father Kevin, in which I'm cautiously optimistic about this episode, despite its issues...? Spoilers ahead.

I've seen a lot of people VERY unhappy with this reveal, and especially the way Kevin TALKED about it. I didn't exactly love what he said, either, and from everything I'm seeing from everyONE, it did NOT hit most people in the way the writers may have wanted. The transcript isn't up yet, and I literally do not have it in me to re-listen to the episode yet, but in a way it did come off like he was saying, "my father wasn't that bad and I now understand why he was the way he was, and I'm now going to become exactly the same person in YOUR life and act the same ways, without any reservations." Which, if that's the way he meant it, is AWFUL. Kevin is in a loop with himself, and we know canonically his father poured boiling caramel into his hands and had him drink it, and he's sublimated the experience of that (and god knows what else) to the point where he remembers it as a happy memory, but then immediately launches into a story about watching a bird die, then solemnly says, "I still don’t know who killed that starling."

If this is a stable time loop, and Older Kevin is STILL headed in the direction of repeating it...then I'll say it, even as like, the Kevin fan of all time: narratively, Boy Kevin straight up SHOULD have killed him with knives. Like, bye! BUT...this arc was so heavily about change. And I also think it's possible that this is the first time Kevin has been able to UNDERSTAND that he's in a horrible abuse loop with himself (a topic I want to make another more specific post about later, because I think there's a lot to explore there).

And there are (presumably) variables that weren't present last time, people who have given Kevin more emotional and physical tools to work with. He very likely wouldn't have had a Tamika last time this happened, or Carlos or Cecil giving their forms of advice and gentle parenting, or like, Harrison offering to each him how to use knives back in Fridge-worthy. ...Before I say this next point, please know that I see Lauren as a really complicated character, and someone who has also been victimized by the Smiling God and the beliefs of her society, regardless of how the cycle started. Like whether she opted into Smiling God stuff intentionally or got forced in like Kevin, you really can't live in that belief system without being harmed by it, even if you're almost at the top of the food chain. No Smiling God worshipper can really win, the way things are. But I think it's another good sign that Kevin has FINALLY extricated himself away from Lauren in a direct way. In the past, we see him almost always with her, and whenever he is, he seems more trapped in his worst ways. It's a deeply toxic relationship in his life, defined by fighting for control of her or to keep control of himself, where they're pitted against each other in competition for the love and favor of their god. And she has always been an agent and in some cases a representative of the Smiling God, as far as we've seen.

And in this episode, Boy Kevin stabbed her (a rejection of her control and manipulation of him), and wasn't strong enough to get away, but Older Kevin (with his understanding of gods and, I hope, newfound understanding of HIMSELF) was able to take that vulnerable piece of himself back from her, and told him HE would raise him (also a rejection! One the two of them agree on!).

And finally, the way Cecil said he still didn't like Kevin's smile, but noted that Kevin seemed like he was being gentle, also gives me a lot of hope.

TL;DR:

I still think Kevin has a chance to heal and grow and change. I definitely get the worry that this could loop into him just eternally being stuck. (Which...to be blunt, narratively that would SUCK. I would really like for Finknoriams NOT do that, at least not immediately after acknowledging it's possible for people to change and giving the audience hope that Kevin will figure out how.) But I think there's still a way Kevin can win, without looping again in the same horrible way OR killing his adult self with knives.