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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 1 year ago

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Hey there! As always, I have Sea Glass Gardens on the brain, and I was wondering if there are any moments or details you've written that you really like, but people haven't noticed/pointed out yet? Or that they have, but you still have a lot of thoughts on. (this is free license to ramble about anything you want!)

I think I probably would have to say the Maki/Tsumiki confrontation in chapter 5.

Writing that was really fun because it was like an iceberg to me. There was so much buried in both of them that just sort of lingered outside where Yuuta could see.

I have a sort of love hate relationship with limited povs. On one hand, I love making up lore for shit. I love having a bunch of silly little details that don’t exactly feed into the story but build the world.

(As a total aside, I wrote pez dispenser debris while in a burnout fueled feverish haze while studying for the bar exam and 90% of what enthralled me with it was giving myself permission to just fucking. Let loose on cramming in all the little backstories. It was my fun silly story I was allowed to make technical mistakes on just to make something that made me happy. It was like splatter paint art to me. Probably half of that fic is scenes that are completely irrelevant to the plot or but that was the fun of it).

On the other hand, I love having to sort of climb around inside a story that has the inherently skewed view that comes from having a limited POV. It feels like stained glass in my head. I don’t know how to explain it better. The entire story is just colored by the glass of the character perspective. It makes for a very pretty and fractured story, even if it comes at the cost of a lot of the background.

Whenever I’m working with limited POV, I just sort of bury details that I feel like it would make me go nuts if I saw it.

A lot of my fic writing is just sort of playing connect the dots with stuff canon leaves behind? A lot of the conflict in sea glass gardens comes from one line in the second Toji v Gojo throw down. Gojo has some throw away line about how the good thing about inheriting a technique was that you got a playbook, but the bad thing was that so did everyone else. Toji was Zenin, so he knew Gojo’s technique, but the gojo clan had kept hollow purple as a carefully guarded secret.

That led to:

The initial conflict, with Megumi having partial custody with the Zenin. If clans have secrets they keep with their techniques, then it’s a tactical disadvantage to not have access to that information. It’s a huge selling point for letting the Zenin have partial custody. It’s an actual advantage the Zenin could give him.

The primary conflict, which is that the Zenin are keeping secrets around megumis technique which means 1) that they don’t know what the Zenin did to megumi 2) why they did it or 3) how to fix it.

The fact that gojos teaching megumi from the gojo playbook on his technique, which is incomplete, which lends to his own lack of understanding of the capacity of his own technique.

Some of Maki’s uncertainty around her own clan’s technique. When talking with gojo, she seemed uncertain of whether some of the details were legend or fact. She’s mentioned before that she only knows the basics, and everything else is kept in a guarded book that only the ten shadows and the clan head can access. She didn’t know what Megumi’s domain expansion would manifest as, if he was able to use it at all, and seemed surprised to know gojo knew the details. The clans are keeping secrets from their own members about these techniques to maintain tactical advantages the way the gojo did with hollow purple.

A lot of the underlying atmospheric tension around Megumi’s adoption and the motive that everyone else has read into it. Taking Megumi in childhood allows Gojo to 1) cut off the user of the Zenin clan’s most powerful technique from his knowledge base and 2) observe his technique as it develops and get a chance to uncover its secrets. He’s seemingly crippling megumis knowledge around his own abilities while cementing the gojo’s understanding of it. Of course no one thinks it was a genuine adoption. It has all the makings of a tactical move.

The future difficulty in resolving the conflict. It’s not as simple as “well at the end of the day no one wants megumi dead, just tell Shoko how to fix this.” The clans gain a discernible tactical advantage from keeping secrets from each other. They aren’t going to give up secrets if they think it’s going to go straight into the Gojo clan archives. Especially considering he’s already got unprecedented access to information on the ten shadows simply by watching megumi grow up.

A few other plot points we haven’t gotten to yet so I won’t discuss them.

It’s stuff like that. A lot of my fanfic is just kicking around what canon already gives and having fun with it. So I like just implanting the details that I know I’d have fun playing with, and tsumiki and maki’s conversation was loaded with that.

A lot of the conflict in Tsumiki and Maki's conversation is sourced in the fact that they start it off playing an unknowing game of verbal whackamole. They keep stumbling straight into each other's biggest insecurities and touchy points and not realizing it.

To start off, they both have pretty ample reason to be off kilter and high on emotion. Maki was picked up out of a pool of her own blood a couple days ago. Out of all of them, it was only her and Yuuta that Geto was actually going to kill. Geto himself said that Gojo knew he wouldn't have killed Inumaki and Panda, and that Gojo sent them to set off Yuuta. But maki was the monkey. She was wounded the worst. And she was the only one who fought Geto alone. She's still shaken and doesn't want to admit it.

Tsumiki, meanwhile, has been on the brink for days. The last time she saw her family, she was being told by gojo that a genocial maniac that wants her specific demographic dead had just declared war. Then, her fourteen year old brother disappeared. She then immediately lost contact with every single person in her life and social network.

Is Megumi dead? Did he do exactly what she thought he was going to do and camp outside her school to watch for genocidal cultists? Did he get himself killed because she wouldn't skip school? What about everyone else? Are they okay? Why has she lost contact with her entire family?

She didn't have any working phone numbers. She didn't have any way of finding them. It's directly stated in canon that Tengen's barriers are directed to deterring and concealing it from non-sorcerers, so she's not even sure if she'll be able to get into the school without Megumi or Gojo. And then all of her worst fears were confirmed, and Megumi was actively bleeding out and visibly terrified when she finally got him back. He just died in front of her. She had to personally pump his heart to try and get him back.

As a result, they've both got a shorter fuse and are a little bit more reactive than they'd normally be going into the conversation.

So of course the absolute first thing they do is ram straight into sensitive points.

Maki is the first one to do it. She calls Megumi the "Ten Shadows" instead of his name. And that sets off Tsumiki, who is willing to rip out throats over this at the best of times, and who is sitting there with her brother's blood still on her.

The thing is, Maki genuinely meant no wrong by it. It's just what they always call him in the clan. She didn't know he hated it. She barely remembered him, and the clan leadership wasn't exactly advertising how much megumi hated everything they did. And it had never had a negative connotation for her growing up--fuck, it was the biggest term of respect you could get from her shithole family.

Except Tsumiki didn't have the context of "it's basically a title and also a bigger honor than Clan Head." All she knew was 1) that they refused to call Megumi anything else 2) no one else was called by their technique instead of their name and 3) (to her knowledge) there's nothing special about being the Ten Shadows that would cast this in a more positive light. I've discussed this in another post, but Megumi thinks of being called the Ten Shadows like being called "Excel spreadsheet" by a boss who hired you for being microsoft proficient. To his knowledge, the Zenin bought him because he was a sorcerer who inherited a technique, and there's nothing deeper to it. They're just calling him that to constantly throw in his face that he's just a technique to them.

And Tsumiki knows her brother well enough to be able to say when something legitimately got under his skin. This was dehumanizing. It was another way the Zenin abused him. Without the context of "it's an ancient honor in my clan to be called that," she thought that a member of the family that abused her little brother didn't even have the decency to lay off now, when he's still struggling to keep his heart beating in his chest.

Of course, she didn't realize the mere fact that pointing out that Maki was Zenin and looked Zenin was a sore spot, because she had always sort of worried she'd never escape being the Zenin clan reject when everyone can see the Zenin in her appearance.

What Tsumiki doesn't know is a huge driving source of the continued misunderstandings in the dialogue--namely, the fact that she doesn't know the true importance of the Ten Shadows technique to the Zenin clan. But I tried to imply throughout that she had really, really good reason to think that she did.

I feel like it's a trope to sort of have the non-magic/superpowered member of the family to be sort of clueless about the inner workings of the magic world or whatever, but I didn't want that for Tsumiki. It didn't fit with the version living in my head. This a world her brother's hurtling towards joining fully. It's her family's world. She doesn't want to be locked out of it.

And the thing is? She exhibits a pretty good command over knowledge of the jujutsu world--and, specifically, the Zenin clan. She had glasses imbued with cursed energy like Maki's. She knew enough about cursed energy to come up with a theory about why Megumi seized--and Shoko later confirmed that she was probably right.

I also tried to have her display understanding of Zenin custom and action that an outsider wouldn't have.

She knows enough about them to know that they're a tradition-obsessed, ancestor-obsessed group of weirdos obsessed with maintaining lineage. She knows they prefer inherited techniques. She knows they've got a pretty large population size. She even knows that they practice incest, because she takes a crack at Maki with it and calls them inbred.

And that's one of the details that I think can be really fun to play with, as a reader-- why does she know that? Yuuta's been living fully in the jujutsu world for months, and he doesn't know that. That's a really random, specific detail to know about a family she doesn't spend any personal time with. How did Tsumiki learn about it?

Did someone bitch about it one day and she found out about it in passing? Or was there a deeper story behind why she learned that? It was meant to sort of dovetail with something Maki said later in the same conversation--Gojo had kept the Zenin from marrying Megumi off. Not "Your brother's a literal child and too young to be married, no one would have even considered it"--no, she was relying solely on the fact that Gojo was protecting Megumi, which implies that the Zenin would have at least considered it.

And it's one of those things where there's no single "correct" meaning to it. It's open to a lot of reader interpretation and it makes it fun to play with. Maybe she did only learn about it in passing, and the two comments were unrelated. Or maybe the Zenin already broached the topic of when Megumi would be procreating and with which of his cousins, and Tsumiki found out from that.

The Zenin are bloodline obsessed, and I personally headcanon that all major sorcerer clans are because their techniques are basically trade secrets to them. They're specific to each clan and they are practically the currency their world runs on. If a member of the Gojo clan runs off and marries someone from the Kamo clan and joins the Kamo in the process, and their child is born with the six eyes and limitless, they've basically lost their most valuable asset to their rival. If someone leaves the clan and that child is born with, say, the most powerful technique in their bloodline--well, then you've basically set your most valuable asset off into the crapshoot that is the wider world's genetic lottery.

Say Megumi stays outside the clan, has a kid with someone not affiliated with any clan, and keeps that kid outside the clan. That kid has a kid. That kid has three kids. Those three kids have eleven kids total. So on and so forth, until a few centuries have passed and the ten shadows is being inherited again and there's some random nobody out there from a family who doesn't even remember having jujutsu sorcery in their bloodline but who is, technically, of Zenin blood, and descended from the last ten shadows. What happens if they get it?

Megumi's proof of concept--call it fate, call it destiny, call it random chance, but his existence suggests that whatever designates who's going to inherit the shadows next doesn't care about actual clan membership. Megumi has Zenin blood, but he had no contact whatsoever with his family before this. The Ten shadows technique is something that can be lost.

Yuuta, too, is oddly a proof of concept as well, now that the jujutsu world knows he exists. He's a random descendant from a major sorcerer line, connected distantly to the Gojo clan no less, so far attenuated that there's no one in his family that even remembers their connection. But he's one of the most powerful people on the planet. The Ten Shadows could be inherited by a distant, attenuated member of the Zenin line.

I included those lines as a detail that really could be stretched as far as the reader wanted to take it. Maybe it doesn't mean anything of importance. Maybe it means that the Zenin tried to negotiate some kind of advance rights to any kids that Megumi had. Maybe it means they took it farther, and tried to negotiate for an arranged marriage and a schedule for when he'd be expected to reproduce. his bloodlines important to maintain, after all. Maybe it was something else entirely.

Tsumiki also has a laundry list of examples that suggests she's had a front row seat to them disrespecting Megumi's boundaries over the years. They kept trying to take custody. They tried to force him to change his name. They did something so terrible to him when they had visitation that he wanted to go no contact. She's got a body of experiences eating at her that make her view the Zenin as a threat that megumi needs to be protected from, and he needs protection now more than ever, which is a lot of what feeds the tension behind the discussion with Maki.

With all of that knowledge in mind, Tsumiki has great reason to think she knows what she's talking about when it comes to Megumi and the Zenin clan. Like, this isn't her talking out her ass or condescending to people who know better--she has more reason to think she knows what's going on with the Zenin than Maki. Maki actually grew up with the clan, but Tsumiki grew up with Megumi. She knows this world. she knows what the zenin are like. And unlike Maki, she actually knows what the Zenin did to him all those years ago. The only thing she doesn't know is what Gojo purposefully hid from her, which is the truth of what the Ten Shadows really is.

And it's pretty reasonable to think that your guardian would have mentioned "by the way megumi is like magic jesus reborn to his psychotic relatives" at least once in ten years, right? Like Tsumiki isn't a character who knows nothing and just talks down to someone actually in the loop--she's a character who's spent the past decade of her life in the loop, who exhibits independent knowledge of the facts, and who has every reason to think she knows all the relevant information, being blindsided by a very important detail that gojo didn't even tell Megumi. Even Maki initially assumed that Tsumiki had the information and was blindsided by the fact that she didn't. And it's that gap in knowledge that sows the seeds of their initial conflict--and eventually brought them together.

For the first part of the conversation, I really wanted a lot of the conflict to be actually "they're having two different conversations and neither are technically wrong."

Maki's conversation was centered around what the Zenin would do. She was talking about how they're absolutely obsessed with Megumi and will never give up. And that fits within her world of experience, that's what she knows--she's not wrong about anything she says.

But Tsumiki's talking about Megumi, who's in her realm of experience, and she's saying that Megumi's never gonna want to be in their family Christmas card. Neither are wrong. Maki is totally correct in saying that the Zenin aren't just going to give up and wait for another Ten Shadows to be born. But Tsumiki wasn't saying that they would--she was saying that Megumi was never going to love them or want to be with them. The misunderstanding isn't in what either are saying, it's what the actual conversation is about.

The next time they accidentally ram into each other's sore points is when Maki says Tsumiki's the reason why he refused to join the clan.

Tsumiki's the unwanted kid in the world's most aggressive custody battle. She remembers the Zenin and Gojo were at each other's throats over custody, but nobody was fighting over her. It was her brother who the Zenin wanted. And we know from her later conversations with Yuuta that the Zenin have gone so far as offered to have her boarded at a school on the other side of the planet to get her away from Megumi.

"You're the reason why Megumi won't be with his family" was an accusation that was constantly lobbed at her as a kid. The Zenin fully blamed her for Megumi not coming near them (when they weren't blaming gojo), and I imagine Tsumiki was always very defensive about it. Because the thing is, at her core, she could have been completely uninvolved and megumi would want nothing to do with them. They were fucking insane. why would he ever want to be near them?

Tsumiki was a very little girl who was all alone in the world, and then she had her megumi, and she finally had a real family. And he was all alone too. They got to save each other. They got to give each other someone in the world to hold onto. They were each other's safe harbors and lighthouses and there was no one in the world who took care of her brother before she did.

It was incredibly hard for her to learn that there was this clan of people who had money and power and actual blood tying them to him, and they wanted to take him and leave her behind. Giving him a family was something she counted as almost a source of pride, and suddenly she was turned on her head and the selfish brat keeping him from having a family.

She didn't want to be alone again. She didn't want to let him go. And she spent a long time thinking she was selfish and just keeping him from having more family, until they found out just how bad the zenin were.

It's also an unfair accusation to say that Tsumiki's trying to keep Megumi from his family. The second she finds out that Maki left the Zenin clan, she tries to get her to form a familial relationship with Megumi. She wants megumi to have other family than her--and then Maki immediately hit back with "oh so you're the reason he's not with his family." It was like a slap in the face.

Except Maki didn't mean it like "so you're the one who took him from the clan the way the rest of the Zenin did, she meant it like "so you're the one who saved him from the clan."

Maki didn't even know Tsumiki existed. The clan leadership wasn't advertising that the ten shadows picked his non-sorcerer step sister over them. The entire jujutsu world thinks that Gojo snatched him away as a child, borderline brainwashed him to keep him from joining his clan and realizing his true power, and did it all as a power play against his enemies.

Except Maki's spent the last year with Gojo. And she's been wondering what the fuck actually happened, because what everyone says about him didn't match up at all with the man who welcomed her with open arms and who had done nothing but support her and the other students. He was fucking annoying, but he wasn't someone who seemed like he would do what people said he did all those years ago.

Every single time she thought about truly trusting Gojo for this past year, she thought about Megumi. She thought about the little boy who never had any time to play but still found the time to protect her sister. She thought about how they played together and how Megumi said they could be friends when Mai begged him and how they all got beat like hell for it, but it still made Mai happier than she had been in a long time.

Megumi was safer wherever the zenin weren't, but Gojo wasn't supposed to be doing it to protect Megumi. He supposedly had been manipulating Megumi for the past decade, keeping him weak and under his thumb so he could be a pet on a leash that Gojo could parade around.

She didn't want to believe that Gojo would do that to megumi. But she also didn't want to fall for someone who was just manipulating her. If he had really done that to Megumi, she wasn't ever going to trust or forgive him.

Tsumiki's existence made it all click for her.

Tsumiki would have never, ever been safe in the Zenin clan. Maki knows what it means to not be safe there, to have a sibling who isn't safe there, to watch them suffer underneath her family's thumb. If megumi had a sister he didn't want to be separated from, a sister who couldn't ever be near her family safely, then what Gojo did wasn't a powerplay--it was a rescue. He was keeping the ten shadows with a sister he could never stay with otherwise. Tsumiki is the reason why Megumi refused to join the clan, and the reason why Gojo helped him do it. It actually was Megumi's genuine refusal all this time. Maki wasn't blaming her--she was just struck by the fact that she really, genuinely could trust Gojo all this time. that it hadn't been a power play--Gojo was just saving Megumi and Tsumiki the way no one saved her and Mai.

Of course, Tsumiki didn't know any of that. She only knew the Zenin clan that had blamed her for years. So she didn't understand that Maki was saying it out of relief, not anger.

To shift a bit farther in the conversation, in my mind, the reason why Tsumiki got in a blow out fight with Megumi about going to school is because she wants him to have a life outside of the jujutsu world.

The jujutsu world purposefully tries to take away options from you as a manner of control. That was a big part of Yuuta's conversation with the higher ups--they didn't want him doing anything that could give him options outside of jujutsu sorcery. The terms of his binding vow were ludicrously strict about how he spent his time and education. And Tsumiki has actually seen this first hand, because she watched how the higher ups went after the teen parenting squad during their adoption.

She cares if Megumi goes to school because she desperately wants him to have the option to one day leave the jujutsu world. The higher ups and the Zenin don't even want him to have a modern middle school education--if they had their way, he'd be in full time jujutsu training, and she knows that because she and megumi were both in the loop when Gojo was fighting them over it.

Megumi's going to be going to high school soon. That means he's going to lose his main connection to a world outside of jujutsu sorcery. She wants him to have friends. She wants him to go to school and have favorite subjects and hobbies and passions. She wants him to have ties other than a profession that eats its workers alive. Megumi leaving middle school is a ticking time bomb in her mind--she didn't want him to lose a single day of normal life, especially not for her sake. The fact that he's in this stupid deal to work off his debt to the school as a sorcerer for her sake has been eating her alive for years. She just wanted him to go to school and have another day of being a normal kid.

She regrets it, later. If he has to be in this world, she wants to be in it with him. She wishes she was with him when the Zenin came.

For the most part, I'm not going to discuss the undertones of the conversation about the phone, because we actually will get into that in the fic. But the last part in the story she tells about her and megumi as kids, about how she had to hold on tight to his hand as a child because he would always try to wiggle free and she would lose him if he did? That's supposed to be their entire relationship dynamic in this: Megumi keeps trying to wiggle free, and she keeps trying to hang on to him as tightly as she can.

There's a lot of little "iceberg" details after that in quick succession.

(And, to be clear, I don't consider these details explicit or "canon" within the fic itself. It's a bit like method acting, I guess?

Yuuta finding out every single detail isn't realistic. It would drown the fic in way too much detail and be a little off if he found out that much. But having this sort of hidden base in what the character's experiences and desires and motives are helps me write them more consistently throughout, and it enhances my own understanding of the story. Yuuta will never find out that Tsumiki got in the fight with Megumi because she wanted him to have a life outside of jujutsu sorcery, but it can feed into her actions throughout the story if I understand that. Only the tip of the iceberg is visible, but the rest is still beneath the surface and affecting the flow of the story's currents. But, since it isn't explicit, members of the audience are free to have their own interpretations and experiences with the art and it makes the art much more changeable? I like the idea that no story is the same for any two people. What I read as their motives doesn't necessarily have to be everyone's reading. It's a different story through the lens of every person. I dunno. It's just cool to me.)

Some of the iceberg details that follow in the conversation, in short form:

Megumi kept trying to take off the kimono when Tsumiki found him because he was convinced he was dying and didn't want to die in the clothes the Zenin dressed him in

I talked about this in another post so I won't break it down in detail here, but when Maki's talking about how her father used to always take her to see the ten shadows kimono, it's because he wanted her to inherit the technique, once upon a time. The clan had been waiting for the Ten Shadows technique to return to the bloodline since Gojo was born. Her father was important in the clan, close to the clan head, from a powerful bloodline, and she was only a year older than Megumi. In my mind, the Ten shadows is the antithesis of the Six eyes and Limitless, so while you can clock the six eyes from birth, the Ten Shadows is notoriously hard to spot until they summon the dogs. Maki went from the clan's biggest hope to its biggest shame, and the Ten Shadows is a source of a lot of bitter memories. It wasn't until she saw the state of Megumi that night that she fully appreciated how lucky she was to not get the technique.

Then, the conversation takes a total tonal shift, and it's the definitive shift in Maki and Tsumiki's relationship. Because it's when Maki overrides Nanami to tell Tsumiki the full truth of her brother's technique.

Tsumiki has rapidly become a slightly painful person for Maki in the span of this conversation, because she's maki's foil, and Maki is realizing that. Maki had to let go of Mai to become who she is today. that was one of the hardest choices of her life, but she had to do it. The Zenin would have killed her if she stayed. She knew how big she could grow if she just had the space to do it.

Tsumiki is someone who's braving her family to not let go of her sibling. She made the opposite decision as maki, and Maki knows that, and she respects the shit out of Tsumiki for it. Telling Tsumiki the truth of the ten shadows is both a sign of respect for her and an acknowledgement of her as her brother's protector. Tsumiki can't help her brother fully if she doesn't know what the hell is going on. Maki's trying to arm her so she can keep making the decision that Maki didn't, because she knows just how painful her family is going to make this for them all. They didn't even care about Maki, but they still destroyed mai when she left. Megumi? He's the most valuable person in the world to them. They'll make everyone bleed. And she thinks Tsumiki deserves to know that if she's going to stay by megumi's side.

The last little iceberg moment is Tsumiki tearing the robe. And that was meant to be a reflection of tsumiki's entire outlook on life.

At the end of the day, Tsumiki is someone I've decided is selective about what she cares about. I've talked about it more in other posts, but I don't see Tsumiki's entire "I'd rather think about the people I love than curse people" schtick as a sign she's a perfect good person who doesn't succumb to bad thoughts--I read it more as she's someone who knows she only has so much she can devote her time and energy to. Tsumiki has very specific priorities that she will actually devote labor towards, and Megumi is her biggest. She doesn't get tangled up in things like appearances, or blood, or tradition, or politics, or revenge--she has the people she won't let go of, and she will let go of absolutely everything else.

The kimono is symbolic of centuries of tradition and a borderline religious obsession for the Zenin. Megumi himself is secondary to what the Ten Shadows represents, and the Zenin show that by disregarding his desires and safety again and again for the sake of their traditions around his technique. Tsumiki figuratively (and literally) tears through that because Megumi himself is paramount to her. It's an irreplaceable, priceless, centuries-old heirloom to the zenin. Most people would be wary of damaging it even if they didn't have any personal attachment to it, but Tsumiki just fucking rips it, because it legitimately means nothing to her.

She doesn't care if Megumi's borderline a figure of legend to them. He's her little brother. So they can wait another five hundred years for the next ten shadows. And they can get a new fucking robe.

#sea glass gardens #this was such a fun ask thank you for sending it #i love tsumiki soooo much #there was just so much /story/ beneath that scene for me and it was so fun to write #also maki and tsumiki went from enemies to the the most attractive people possible for the other in record time #maki because she was completely honest with tsumiki and tsumiki finds that hot #tsumiki because she fucked up the zenin's priceless heirloom and that is the most attractive thing maki has seen in her entire life #she stopped breathing a little when it happened #how long is a respectful time to wait after someone's brother dies in their arms to shoot your shot #does the fact that he got better change the time requirement

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