#no disrespect to the teacher either i love him im just................. over it

[mess-with-legs]

Cupid loves you - Part1 ♡

HEYYYYYYY yes it seems like im not gonna throw away this project the second I started it hell yeahh!! Anywayyyys I hope you enjoy it! Pleassse let me know your thoughts or if you have any questions i would just love to answer them! And I hope you enjoy! Again I am not a profesional writer or anything like that so if it's kind of shitty I deeply apologise

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"Could I borrow your pencil?"

Literature class wasn't one of your favorite subjects, luckly, we were studying some poetry at the moment, and you just so happen to enjoy reading poetry every now and then.

I noticed my classmate sitting next to me, writting something that caught my attention. The teacher wasn't speaking, and I knew for a fact that it couldn't be any project or anything as such. If you who is reading this can make sense of what I managed to catch with a mere glimpse, perhaps you're smarter than myself. It read:

In my tail said the sun On my throat said the moon In the branches of the laurel tree I saw two naked doves One was the other and both were none

Cupid called for me again. "Sorry! yes of course, here you go" I handed over my pencil. I saw how hers was small, it looked as if she sharpenned it one more time it would cease from existence. We were still in the first week of class, how could a pencil be so worn? Perhaps she writes as a hobby...Or maybe she draws!

"What are you writing?" She closed her notebook, in a quick but clean movement. Turning her eyes to me.

"Nothing important. I just like to write."

"Is it a hobby?"

"Yes, writting words in paper has always been easier for me than speaking them outloud." It seems like you were getting closer, maybe she wasn't the mean girl you originally thought she was, maybe she was just shy and didn't know how to interact with others. At least that's what you thought until the class ended...

"Hey Barbie, think I could get your number?" Roman looked like the most stereotypical, one-dimensional, stupid boy you could ever imagine. He was the kind to smoke in the bathrooms, get in fights, sleep during class, disrespect the teachers... It never really bothered you since you had never spoken to him before, and he didn't seem to have any interest in starting a conversation with you either.

"Unluckly for you I still have standards. Why don't you go feed on some other dead meat? I have better things to do than to be seen around with..." She looked at him up and down. "You."

He was furious, yelling, ready to start a fight. She then grabbed my hand and began walking outside the classroom. It took me some minutes to notice it, but people across the hallways were staring at us, some with fear, other's with admiration. I had no idea why she had picked me as her friend, someone like Roman, despite being an asshole, was much more popular than me, surely he was the better option if this was a matter of reputation.

The light of the windows made her hair shine, everything about her seemed too perfect to be human. She was a sculpture, sculpted with precision, patience and adoration.

When I finally came to my senses, we were back at our dorm.

"Y/N?"

"S-Sorry! I had my head in the clouds haha..."

She got close to me, both of us standing in the middle of the room. She placed her hand on my forehead to check the temperature, but she took longer than expected. She stared at me, in silence, her gaze upon me was soft and warm. She moved the hand that was on my forehead to the side of my head, caressing my hair carefully. I didnt dare speak in that situation, something was keeping me from opening my mouth. Then, I saw her smile.

"Your hair is..." She then took a step back. "Sorry. I must get going now"

You were confused, you had questions, you needed answers! Why did she do that? Yet, you were still. Unable to move.

"I must go now. The cheerleader auditions will begin soon." She walked over to her closet and took out some comfortable sport clothes.

"...You are very welcome to come see me if you'd like. I would very much enjoy your presence."

With those words, she left the dorm, leaving me speechless. At least I was able to move now... Moving on, I tried to forget about the strange behaviour of my friend and instead focuss on something else, something like...Ugh, homework.

I took out my book, notebook and pencilcase. I had an assignment that I had to do by hand because certain teacher didn't like computers and simply couldn't stand a project made in a digital format! I decided to first write a draft in pencil, and once I'm satisfied with it, I will write it on a clean paper with pen.

"Wait, where's my pencil?"

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[something-tofightfor]

I think that’s always my problem with mando “love interests” bc they seem so half assed. Like we can go back and forth another whether it was disrespectful/not a big deal for omera to try to remove his helmet but either way it was only after knowing him for like 2 seconds? And forcing chemistry with Bo seems to be because she is literally there (when she has WAY more chemistry with the armorer, imo) Like I don’t think they are very good at setting up a giggly giggly kicking feet in air love interest, it’s always just like “well Din is talking to someone! Look at that guys!” And there is a misunderstanding of like “oh well do people want Din to have a love interest? They didn’t like Omera and they are whining about Bo” and it’s like if he’s gonna have a love interest im gonna need y’all to TRY

It was disrespectful, no matter how long she knew him for. Someone else cannot be the one that reaches for and encourages the removal of his helmet - it has to be all Din. He never would have been happy on shrimp planet with shrimp lady so I'm glad he got the hell out of there asap.

And I think in the sense that these Mandalorians live and love, the relationship between both Din and Bo and Din and The Armorer are right along the lines of what Mandalorians look for in partners.

They don't get to date or get to know each other in a traditional sense, they don't get to see each other (not usually, anyway, but you know what I mean), and they cant really just do *normal* things together... so they have to improvise.

Mandalorian relationships to me are built on trust and respect and admiration of skill and belief that being with and knowing the other person will enhance life in some way. I do still think that for this type of relationship to work, there has to be the basis of a friendship there, though.

Din respects the armorer, and she has taught him a great deal, but I don't know if that would make them compatible because the friendship doesn't exist - it's always been more (to me at least) teacher/student or coworkers between Din and The Armorer. It would be a suitable match for a lot of reasons, but I still don't know if it's a good one because she's in such a position of power and influence over him and has been for YEARS.

And as for Bo and Din? The admiration is there - in some cases, but I think that there's a lot that they still don't know and understand about each other. Yes, they can protect each other and back each other up, and they can teach the other things that have been learned/lived experiences ... but thre's something missing for me.

Maybe it's Bo's past that she doesn't seem to have come to terms with. Maybe it's the fact that only a little while ago she shared Axe's "Only mandalorian blood makes you a mandalorian" mindset (the conversation with Boba). Maybe it's the blatant disrespect for so many years of so many of the things that Din built his life around. It could be keeping that she saw the mythosaur from him but telling the armorer... it's a combination of things for me, I think.

Bo and The Armorer - that was definitely a charged interaction between them, but again ... the secrets. The history. Bo might be welcomed into the Covert, but that doesn't mean that she's earned the respect from everyone there 100%. I believe The Armorer knows a hell of a lot more about BKK than she's let on, and I hope we see more of this moving forward.

I guess I just don't understand the need to give Din a love interest to make a compelling show. It was already compelling. People loved seeing what would happen between Din and Grogu and their friends every week. We don't need a romantic subplot to "validate" the way that characters interact with each other onscreen.

I have ZERO ISSUE with Din and Bo leading Mandalore together and acting as the uniting force because it's very clear that neither of them could accomplish all of the steps successfully on their own - but the way they seem to be setting up this relationship between them makes it seem as though they're pushing the idea that in order to lead together successfully, it has to be more than a partnership and a desire to reunite mandalorians on their home world.

And I don't think that it explicitly needs to be.

But what the fuck do I know, I just write fanfiction on tumblr.com

[semi-imaginary-place]

ai somnium files playthrough

eyes, ai, ai in eyes, the ferris wheel is an eye observing the murder scene, hmm idk maybe eyes are a recurring motif.

so something happened 6 years ago. date lost his eye and memories. 5 years ago befriended renju. 4 years ago more or less took over parenting renju's daughter(deadbeat?). and now the mom is dead and daughter found at the scene.

AI, ai, eye, I. aiba, AI ball, eyeball, aibou. Wow the devs are really going at it

Everyone in this game is deranged. I love it.

Oh no mom! She better not be delusional.

Is date on antipsychotics?

He's 24?? I wasn't sure if i'd misread that since everyone calls him a kid. But yeah date would do that. Ok really don't call it a "relationship" mizuki's like 12.

Is she blackmailing date? That's hilarious. Yeah she is. Lol get bullied by a teenager date

She's an egirl minecraft streamer! D: cant tell if thats better or worse than instagram infuencer, probably better honestly

Aiba need to hack line ah nile to find who messages mizuki. 1 isnt that illegal. 2 with a warrant the company would give that info. 3 it could be a burner account. Ip address isnt a sure way either if they're smart

It's been less than 24 hours give the poor girl a break before you potentially permanently damage her mind. So no guardian permission you basically kidnapped a kid and she can't communicate. Ok this feels really scummy. I mean she's non verbal sure but shes literate right she could right down answers

Keitai ah another ai. Bleh i hate timed mechanics and pc controls are bad (it was on sale on steam). Uhhh i did not know what i was doing. I raised the balloons and unintentionally used her abusive mom's voice to calm her. Was there a better outcome? Shoutouts to the dude keeping gay porn at work. Ok i definitely messed up but im curious where this branch goes. How was i suppose to know "comforting voice" was going to be her moms i thought it'd be date or something.

Hmm while mizuki was at bloom park someone might have contacted her. But they only discontinued the 2nd rental phone number after date called? That's pretty sloppy for someone otherwise trying to cover their tracks.

Wow iris you're missing peak hours 5-10. Also all this date stuff is uncomfortable she's 18. Mom's dead calling it

Hmm i thought the phone had been planted to contact mizuki. But if its shoko's phone...

Is mizuki a year behind? If hitomi is an elementary school teacher and mizuki is in her homeroom she's in 6th grade at most or maybe im forgetting school ages

Date's poor back. Buy a second bed

Hah did i miss something. Mizuki got a nile message from renju on saturday? So that was before or after the psynch. Is this a translation error? The message should have been sent friday but today is sunday

So that whole psynch dive was unnecessary and dangerous since mizuki gives us all the same info like 10 hours later like shoko's phone

Date's memory incident was 7 years ago. Hitomi was shot 6 years ago. Why did date dream of her shot

A-set aseto aseto-n chan. I am now hearing acetone whenever ota speaks

The disrespect! Date just calling yakuza guy by his given name.

Uh... why do i feel like that self destruct function is going to become a plot point like date will say 40125(?) to prove he isnt lying or something

also i switched from mouse and keyboard to controller because yeah this game was designed for controller. i should have gotten it for switch... but it was on sale on stream for 7 bucks! anyways using switch joycons (ha!) and idk what it is but there lag or a delay for inputs on the right joystick.

Ok i was not expecting the iris murder, good foreshadowing but i thought she would continue bothering date for the rest of the game. I've been playing too much ace attorney that im now expecting the weird teen girl sidekick. Did sejima actually do it? Why not hire someone to do the actual killing. Date is convinced of his guilt but I'm not. Also i failed that psync...

The game already established date is on some sort of drug given how aiba comments his dosage needs to be increased every time he gets too weird but now the game drops that date doesnt even know he's on the drug which wow flag just went up.

Ooh and then they cant find the body. Pewter said the psyncher brings in a bit of their memory into the pynchie's(?) somnium. How convenient that aiba ran out of batteries. It's totally possible there was no corpse and date hallucinated it and then his own beliefs and memories influenced the somnium given the presentation of events and also the hints that there's something up with date psychologically. Game's making me doubt his sanity. Good writing. I did find it ood he didnt stay with the body, why did he need to rush to hq, what was at hq? The most he needed to go was the car to recharge aiba. Also another time not actually having a cell phone bites him.

And iris isn't dead. Yup game is making me doubt date. Maybe those actually are anti psychotics

Huh is it me or was there another box in the warehouse last night. Also yeah 1.5 hour internal police response seems slow. I cant tell what is a red herring and what isnt.

i was already doubting hitomi's taste in men given the whole teen mom thing. But she foud a mob dude bleeding out who grabbed and kissed her and decided to date him. Says she loves iris more than her own life but introduced this shady af dude to her home life and 12 year old daughter? uhh. Hmm so this partly explains the opening dream. Let's see if im getting this right old boyfriend did crimes and had a dude trying to kill him, hitomi took the shot and almost died and lost control function in her right arm. Police arrested gundude and boyfriend. Now why does date remember the scene? And if boyfriend didn't actually die why was he shown... Actually i don't remember if he was dead in the dream. But i do remember the gouged out eye. Something also happened to date 6 years ago since thats when his memories begin and he's missing his left? Eye. In so's somnium it's speculated by boss and pewter that the faceless person was so's image of himself, then in date's dream was that his image of himself? I guess this is the begining if the hitomi boyfriend hypothesis although that would necessitate hitomi and iris pretending they didnt know date. Date's scared of ghosts. There also the earlier dialogue about how memories are left behind by the psyncher during somnium mostly only the ego/personality/programming is retained not the memories. Ok redid the opening dream, skeleton with a bloody left eye socket. Took a closer look at iris's drawing, criminal boyfriend looks like the guy seen in the dream dark hair red shirt black jacket and pants. Which means date is more likely the shooter.

[merverelli]

5 through 10 for the artist asks ^^?

thank u for saving me anon im dying from boredom here sjfhajfh

5: What’s your favorite thing to draw? - im still on that solid 'youtuber ego' kick so them ahaha

but broadly put, people and characters!!

6: What’s your least favorite thing to draw? - FUCK BACKGROUNDS im bad at positioning characters, and just general design with them

its probably just a practice issue tho!!!

7: How often do you use references? - ALL THE TIME i really struggle with proportions and placement without them, so i need my art crutches :(

but if im just mucking about n doodling faces etc, then idc about as much skfhajfh

8: Do you draw professionally, or just for fun? - just for fun! i keep thinking about opening commissions every now and then, but i dont think im fast and consistent enough for it yet??? but maybe one day!!

9: How much time do you spend drawing on an average day? - WAY TOO LONG my average art pieces are simple enough to theoretically take like 2 - 3 hours, but i end up taking DAYS bc i keep getting distracted and that

its probably just 40 ish minutes on average tho??? i get busy (and also distracted with other things sjdhakyfeu) pretty easily :(

10: Are you confident about your art? - maybe???? i think the main thing im self conscious abt is how long i take to draw, but im ok with my average style rn?????

there are some things i wanna change/do, like i wanna develop a 'shitty and quick' (with want of a better way to phrase it SHDHAJGHDAI) art style, so i feel less self conscious abt posting half cooked sketches and that, so i post more art, but so far i think im ok, especially compared to how i use to be!!!!!!

[gobblewanker]

Well. Guess who had some late night Emotions™ and wrote another drabble on that "Sherman adopts Stan and Ford when they're eight because Filbrick is the worst" story?

The room at Sherman's apartment was smaller than the one at their parents place had been. It was cramped, the singular window was poorly insulated, and the wallpaper was flaking. Almost everything in it was second hand - deeply cherished childhood toys picked up from garage sales piled in a corner, a banged up desk Sherman's college was going to throw out anyways nestled under the drafty window, an old space heater Ford had to repair nearly every winter puttering away snugly next to the drawer with it's missing handle. Everything was old and worn, but in a good, reassuring, way. Like a pair of well used shoes, slowly adjusted to it's wearer's feet and fitting far more comfortably than a new pair ever could. As far as Ford was concerned, it was infinitely more a home than the pawnshop had ever been.

Maybe that made sense though. He'd soon spent half his life there. The latter part. The better one. The one spent living in a shoddy apartment which's walls nonetheless practically oozed with love and family. The one without dad looming large like some invisible but always precent danger. The one with memories permeated by safety and stability.

Ford knew much of that stability was a carefully crafted façade, propped up on his big brother's shoulders. He'd caught on to it long before Stan, but in retrospect it was obvious. The way Sherman would skip meals so they never had to, the way he always seemed to be working overtime, all of it. It wasn't a stable situation at all. But he'd made it feel that was. Always made it seem like there was nothing to worry about. Ford and Stan had tried to help out wherever they could, doing chores when there were any and otherwise just being good and staying out of the way. It had taken a long time for the permanence of the situation to sink in. For the realization to hit that they wouldn't get sent back. That no matter what they did, Shermie wouldn't get fed up with them and cart them back to Pa.

But what if it wouldn't be up to him?

"Hey, Stan?" Ford whispered into the quiet of the dark. From the bunk under him, he heard a low grunt of affirmation.

"Yeah?" There was no trace of drowsiness in Stan's voice.

"I can't sleep."

"Tell me about it."

Ford dropped his arm over the side of the bed, letting it dangle. It didn't take more than a few seconds for Stan's hand to find it. Five fingers intertwining with six. An old gesture of reassurance. Quiet and secret, Pa wasn't big on sentimentality. That stuff was for women and crybabies. The secrecy wasn't a necessity anymore, Sherman didn't mind, but the gesture had carried them through long enough to become ingrained.

"I'm scared." Ford said. The confession came with ease. Just one of the millions that had been dispersed into the darkened bedroom over the years. Half a childhood spent.

"Me too." Stan's voice answered, drifting up from below. "Ya thinking about the war?"

Ford nodded into his pillow, before remembering Stan couldn't see him. "Yeah."

Silence descended on the room like a blanket again. Soft, but very palpable and almost suffocating.

It had been a perfectly normal day at first. When they woke up that morning, everything had been just fine. Perfectly average. You never really appreciate 'avrage' until it's threatened.

There'd been recruiters at their school, talking to the older students about war and enlistment and other things Ford wanted nothing to do with. It was something he was going to ignore. It didn't concern him. He and Stan were both too young. He'd felt a strange sense of almost invulnerability at that. So he'd just kept walking. He'd gotten caught up in an interesting discussion with his physics teacher at the end of the lesson, and was far more concerned with the fact that he was running late to meet up with Stan for lunch. But then it'd hit him with the same speed and ferocity as an oncoming freight train that while he and Stan might be in the clear, that same certainty was in no way extended to Sherman.

The closest thing to a parent they had, and an uncaring universe had just added his name to some nebulous lottery where being picked would spell tragedy.

Sherman was security, and now he might be ripped away.

Suffice to say, they hadn't gone to get food after that. Instead, the entire lunch period had been spent locked up in a bathroom stall, Stan trying his best to talk Ford down from the ensuing panic attack without becoming overwrought himself.

"What do we do, Stan?" Ford's voice was low and miserable. He'd managed to pull himself together for the entire evening, not wanting to worry Sherman. But problems always seemed much bigger in the dark, and this one was insurmountable enough in daylight.

"I donno." Stan said. "Do ya wanna go talk with 'im?"

"I don't know."

Ford went quiet again, just listening to the rumbling heater and the odd car passing by outside. If there was one thing he missed about their old room, it was the sound of the ocean. A busy road was no substitute for calming waves.

Did he want to go talk to Sherman? Yes. The sense of comfort he usually got - both of them usually got - from doing that was so deep rooted it was only surpassed by the comfort they could find in eachother. But this was about Sherman, so venting their fears with him might help. He never got upset at them for doing so, not for being 'sissies' or for keeping him up when he had work in the morning or for bothering him. The fact that they could go wake him up if they needed it was another one of those truths that had taken a long time to sink in. But after a bad bout of the flu had almost escalated to hospitalisation for both of them because they wouldn't tell Sherman they weren't feeling well they'd sat down and had a very long chat about the importance of communication. It still felt like night and day compared to Pa.

"I guess I want to go talk to him. But it feels stupid."

"You know he wouldn't see it like that." Stan's hand squeezed Ford's comfortingly.

"I know. But..."

But what? Ford wasn't sure how to articulate the issue. Not even to himself really. He wanted to go and ask for reassurance, he wanted that familiar comfort. The one that made him think of sitting up late at night being hugged and reassured through childhood stomach aches and emotional breakdowns over bullies. That strange paradoxical feeling of a miserable situation made almost... Cozy? None of those situations were ever good. The things that facilitated them hurt. But that hurt facilitated closeness and safety, and those emotions were always the ones that remained. They were good memories tinged with something bad. Or maybe bad memories overwhelmed by something good?

So yes. He wanted that. He wanted to make a good memory out of this hurt.

But that felt selfish.

The situation was horrible. Horrible to the point where trying to make something good, however miniscule, come out of it almost felt like it'd be disrespectful. Making light of something that should stay dark. That should hurt, and only hurt.

"Ford? Ya still awake?"

Ford breathed shakily through his nose. Trying to stop his voice from wavering the way he just knew it would.

"I want to go talk to him. But it feels wrong."

"Why?"

"I don't know how to- I don't-" Ford paused, focusing on breathing again. Intellectually, he knew he didn't have the keep the emotions tapped down. Another lesson Sherman had worked hard to drill into them. It was okay to cry and dad was an asshole for demanding they don't. But he still didn't want to. It still felt somehow weak. Shameful. "I want to go, I want to make it feel better, but I also don't want to make it feel better because it hurts and it should. It should hurt. It's awful."

Stan remained quiet for another few seconds. Usually he had no qualms about blurting out whatever came to his mind, but maybe this situation required more thought.

"Let me get this straight... The reason you don't want to go and talk to Shermie is because ya want to be upset?"

Ford didn't know if that was it or not. He couldn't make heads or tails of his own emotions. They felt huge and overwhelming, too big to fit inside him but also too big to unravel and understand. Like a nest of gigantic snakes all tangled up in eachother, chaotic and confused, hissing and biting itself.

"It's bad. It's so bad that trying to make it good feels wrong." He didn't know if that was it either.

Stan let go of his hand, and Ford instantly mourned the loss of contact. Comfort? Wasn't comfort what he didn't want? He was so confused, he just wanted everything to make sense. He lifted the corner of his t-shirt to wipe at his stinging eyes as Stan's face appeared over the side of the bed.

"Ford... Look, it's okay to let things hurt, but it's also okay to make them hurt less." Stan looked at him intensely. Ford felt himself becoming even more choked up at the scrutiny. "No, seriously. It's like... Like breaking a leg, right? Remember that time in fourth grade when you did that?"

Ford nodded, slightly unsure what this had to do with anything.

"It hurt, and it's okay that it hurt. It made sense that it hurt, and you don't pretend like it doesn't. But just because it makes sense that it hurts doesn't mean it was bad that you got painkillers and a cast. Without that junk it wouldn't have healed right."

That... He supposed that might be a valid analogy. Maybe Stan had a point.

"So... You think we should go?"

"Are you going to feel any better if we don't?"

Ford considered for a moment, still warring with the conflicting emotions twisting his stomach all up in knots. But he thought maybe it was slightly less. Shaking his head, he excavated himself from the nest of blankets and clambered down the ladder. Moving through the darkened apartment and arriving to knock at their brother's door as they'd done so many times before.

In the end, it did help. Sitting huddled together on the bed in the dark until the sun began to rise and the fear crept away with the shadows. Until it felt safe enough to fall asleep, secure in the knowledge that everyone would still be there come morning. The situation was large and looming and firmly out of their control. That much didn't change. They couldn't decide how things would end, but they could decide how they would cope. And they would cope.

Together.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

If They Get Married I'd Be Your Uncle

Masterlist

Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, flirting, Bruce is frustrated

A/n:So been in a dc mood today and couldn’t get this out of my head i really hope you enjoy it xx

Bruce meets you when you both get called into the school and instantly wants you to himself.

If They Get Married I'd Be Your Uncle.

You grumbled as you walked up to the pretentious school pissed that it wasn't near any bus routes, cos these type of people don't use that sort of thing. The walk was long and arduous especially after the 10 hour shift you just finished cos some stupid little twat decided he didn't feel like coming in today and called in 'sick' at the last minute even tho you heard his giggling girlfriend in the back ground. Sighing you pulled out your hair tie slapping it up into a neater messy bun as you made your way into the school reception stopping ,you raised an eyebrow at the receptionist as she gave you a side glance pretending not to notice you. You looked up to the ceiling praying for some restraint because you'd had just about as much as you could take today and didn't need the snobby attitude of these people. After a few moments you looked at her.

"Excuse me I'm here to see Mr Koleman I'm running a bit late so could you sign me in?" you said as calm as possible she rolled her eyes.

"Mr Kolman doesnt take personal meetings on the school grounds" she said snidely dismissing you , you growled at the implication.

"I'm Jack Cookes sister you phoned me earlier?"

"oh? you have an appointment?" she said. you grit your teeth.

"Trust me if I didnt I wouldnt be here" she gave you the once over then reached a perfectly manicured hand beside her screen lifiting a clip board

" and your Mrs?" you shook your head

"Miss Cooke with an e" a chuckle and whispers rippled through the office as she checked you in and handing you a visitors pass. You snatched it and made your way down to the hall to a mini reception outside the principles office. As you opened the door you spotted your little brother supporting a bloody nose ,cut cheek and eyebrow. Ignoring everyone you ran across the room stopping before him and his best friend.

"Oh for fuck sake Jack, here let me look" you said tilting his face this way and that you looked beside him swivling on your feet pulling the boys face up.

"Damien are you ok- seriously you to?" you cut yourself off seeing a dark bruise on the boys jaw you tutted rummaging through your bag pulling out a pack of ibuprofen and small bottle of water passing it to them both.

"here take these" stopping as the principles secretary snapped at you.

"Miss! you cannot give medication to other student's god knows what they are!!" you rolled your eyes giving the sleeve of tablets to Jack who then popped out two and gave them to Damien before taking his own.

"Happy?" you quipped at her with an innocent smile then turned to Jack

"Jack please please tell me you still have all your teeth" he smiled showing a full set then looked at Damien who copied. You sighed in relief smoothing both boys hairs then placed a kiss on each of their heads. You continued coddling them unaware of the man behind you watching shocked as damien sat still letting you fuss over him. Bruce didnt know you from adam but damien apparently did

"Was it them again? I told you if your gonna retaliate keep it off campus!" you said kneeling in front of them hand on either boys knee.

"We didn't start it." your brother stated and you believed him , he and Damien get themselves into trouble I mean there a couple of teenage boys there bound to act up but he doesn't just 'verbally disrespect people and attack other students' as the teacher on the phone had put it.

"Ok what happened?" you asked they both looked down Damien spoke up first

"They started calling us names again, kyle tripped and blamed Jack for it getting him told off so i called Kyle out on it then they started calling us names again we told Mrs Hatt and she laughed saying sticks and stones" . Jack continued

"So I called her a drunk fat bitch who was at best a fucking baby sitter, kyle slammed my head into the desk for it cos he's a little ass lick." you sighed as Damien took over

"SoIi punched kyle in the face knocking him on his ass and Clarence hit me and Jack headbutted him then we were pulled apart"

"yeah were did you learn to punch like that? he went down like a sack of shit" Jack asked laughing damien joined him laughing you deadpanned as they high five'd one another.

"Ok guys thats neither here nor there the point is your teacher sat back and watched?" they nodded there teacher seemed to have a problem with your brother due to your social class, he'd been accepted as part of a new law that all private schools must accept a certain number of full scholarship students to give everyone 'an equal opportunity' you'd been complaining to the school about the bullying and the teachers attitude but nothing has been one it seems.

"So you didn't hit them first?" you asked Damien shook his head at you. you believed them they were good kids.

"Good but you know fighting isn't the answer right?" they shook their heads you stood up fully taking a seat beside them.

"Damien thank you for helping him and Jack fuck sake don't you know headbutting hurts you more than the other guy. I'm sorry this is still happening guys but I'm gonna take care of it ok? trust me?" they both nodded at you still looking a little sorry for themselves you swung around in your seat only now seeing Bruce sitting opposite you.

"Bruce Wayne, you must be Jacks sister Y/n was it?" you nodded as his hand devoured your in a hand shake.

"Yep that's me. sorry your boy got dragged into this" he chuckled waving it off

"He will always find trouble at least this time its for sticking up for his friend, im glad to finally have a face to put to the name they talk about you alot" you nodded at that couldn't help your breathing hitch slightly at his smile his eyes seemed to burn into you analyzing you. You flushed slightly under his gaze

"Good things i hope" he nodded at you licking his bottom lip damien sighed you loked away before smirking at Jack.

"You really called her a drunk fat bitch?" he laughed proud of himself

"Yeah, sticks and stone and all that thought id test it" you laughed out loud

"To quick for them huh? I see where your going with it tho smart ass" he smiled sheepishly

"Well it worked for you, had to give you a leg to stand on" you laughed high fiving him . Bruce flinched as the display made you look your age. your relationship with your brother was a strange one. One moment you had to be the 'politically correct parent' the next you could return to being his 'cool older sister', there was 12 years between you but it didn't bother either of you , it wasn't that long ago that you were in school so you understood him. You struck up a conversation with the two boys, Damien had been the only one in the school to get along with Jack and you were thankful that they found each other two peas in a pod and he seemed to be coming round constantly it hadn't taken long before you started mothering him to. They were always together at your house or the manor but youd never met bruce jntill today sure damien had spoke about him, convinced that the two of you would hit it off, you just laughed him off saying it was wishfull thinking, but you couldnt help but wonder as you sat across from the handsom man well aware of his eyes watching your every move. Bruce watched fascinated as you seemed to be on the same level as the boys , if he was honest he was happy to see Damien relaxed around someone. Damien constaly gushed about you to him and he could see why as his eye scanned you up and down taking everything in , you was certainly beautiful petite and slightly heavy set you had a young carefree air about you that still held a nurturing aspect , probably what drew damien to you the boy had never had a motherly type of women around him, hell even he felt drawn to you in more ways then one, he noted as he felt,his blood rush south. It had been a while since any woman had coaxed such a strong reaction from him. He'd never been one for the young domestic type but there was something in him that wanted you. He tried reasoning that it was because of the way you had coddled his son, or maybe it was that he missed that motherly affection himself, but no there was something more then that a deep atraction pulling at him.He could see why Damien had taken a shine to you he'd be lying if he said he hasn't already been thinking of a reason to meet up with you outside of school. It was rare that someone caught him by surprise and you had defiantly caught him by surprise. Clearing his throat he re-position himself on his seat as his boxers became tighter embarrassed and admittedly a bit confused as watching you mother the two teens had begun to arouse him. You looked over to him with concern.

"Are you ok Mr Wayne?" he inwardly groaned at the name and way you looked at him so innocently ,no idea what you were doing .fuck. He forced a charming smile

"Yes just wish they'd hurry up." you sighed pouting slightly

"It seems a bit stupid calling this an emergency then making us wait this long. twats." you snipped crossing your arms across your chest huffing he chuckled hearing the barely held back irritation, imagining just how bratty you could be, and exactly how he could deal with said bratty behaviour a shiver ran down his spine, he sucked through his teeth as his cock twitched at the thought his mind racing to other tempting scenarios of you and him, shaking his head he had to snap himself out of it. The door opened and you were both called in. He watched wide eyed as you rose your demeanor changed completely, gone was a fun loving motherly young woman and there stood a less than impressed mama bear under 5ft tall but walked like a giant. He blinked and staggered in behind you thankful that he opted for a longer blazer that helped cover his 'situation' once in the office you set down in front of Mr Koleman the principle a stout balding man that was king of his own little castle and like to let everyone know it.

Mr Koleman looked at you with distaste then smiled shaking hands with Bruce.

"Ah Mr Wayne good to see you again tho I hoped it was on better terms. Miss Cooke I'm glad you could come down today I wasn't sure you'd make it this time." he said condescendingly you smirked putting on your polite 'adult' voice.

"well I've been trying to get an appointment with you about these issues that I'm sure your fully aware of, however you seem fully booked so I'm glad I finally have the opportunity to straighten a few thing out" he grimaced as he took a seat behind the desk.

" Yes well I am a very busy man." he said

"Yes I noticed that when the receptionist mistook me for a personal visitor." you hear Bruce cough covering a laugh as the principle opened and closed his mouth speechless.

"Any way what was it you wanted to discuss Mr Koleman?" he scowled not used to being shut down by a young women. He leaned forward shuffling papers

"yes well we've been having problems with Jack for a few months as your aware-"

"Yes I'm aware that he is being targeted by his teacher and bullied by other students in the class which is being over looked and in some instances encouraged by the staff at this school. but go on." you interupted him staring at him unblinkingly Bruce gapped before collecting himself sitting back to watch the show the distinct feeling that you were going to rip this man a new arsehole.

"Uh-oh i was not aware of that"

"do not lie to me" you growled 'and here we go' Bruce thought he'd been with enough women to know that all hell was going to break loose as the quiet sweetheart form out side became a little spitfire in the office and couldn't help the a quick fantasy of you being this fiesty for him in his office. You pulled out a small red diary from your bag turning to dates in it.

"On the 4th of March I phoned the school and spoke to a Mrs Hatt to discuss cases of bullying she said that it was being taken care of and that I had no reason to worry. March the 12th Jack came home with bruises on his back caused by the same students they had tied knots in there ties and whiped him with them while getting changed for p.e, I had raised concerns about it nothing was done. I phoned again and once again was fobbed off by Mrs Hatt that there was nothing happening, then Jack comemhome with a sprained wrist, then it was bruised stomach, then a cut forhead and a brokennfinger from them smashing it in a door etcetera these incidents continued and I continued to report them and it was always the same names that popped up, the same three boys. I'd had enough on May 21st I phoned and asked to speak to you instead I got through to a Mrs Hamsten? the vice principle?" you watched as his face became paler and paler as you spoke he nodded. Bruced leant back eyes blown finding himself getting hotter as he watched you tear down the man infront of you.

"Yes and she said that the boys had been put into detention for it which turned out to be a lie another student confirmed that nothing had been done. I then put my issue in writing, I wrote a letter sent by recorded post to you about the issue and received a reply, sighed by you, that you have a no tolorence policy and would look into it, nothing has been done and now you have the audacity to call me up and have me come in here because he finally had enough and stuck up for himself because this little shit split his face open on a desk whilst the teacher watched? tell me Mr Koleman do you still want to pretend you dont know what I'm talking about because I've recored all the calls I've made about this." you tore into him as he shrunk further and further into his seat not prepared for you to come at him so direct. Bruce didnt know what the fuck happened to the sweet little thing he saw outside but what he did know was that was one of the sexist things he'd seen as you asserted yourself beautifully not giving the man time to respond. If it wasn't for Mr Koleman sitting behind the desk he'd already have you spread out on it underneath him. 'Another time'he thought to himself he licked his lips tugging at his trousers again trying to ease the ache in his cock as it strained against its confines.

"Ah yes well, now that I think about it I do remeber a letter" he stumbled over his words you nodded your head

"Yes I'm sure you do. Today was the inevitale blow up." He collected himself looking at Bruce for some sort of back up instead the billionaire scowled at him.

"Be that as it may there is no excuse for calling a teacher a drunk fat bitch." you nodded

"I agree how ever it was for science. Your member of staff who has neglected her duty to keeping my brother safe on school grounds ,has brushed off his bullying useing 'stick and stones' so he decied to test that theory by calling her a drunk fat bitch, turns out names do hurt and caused her to become agitated that she allowed him to have his face smashed into a desk by another student cutting open his eyebrow, cheek and bloody his nose. I dont think she should be able to teach if she cant practice what she preaches and certainly shouldnt be left incharge of children if she is that unstable that she would allow an attack to happen because her feeling were hurt."

"yes well he dragged Mr Waynes son into this-"

"Damien and Jack are friends Damien saw Kyle attack Jack and defended him which is more I can say for the staff at this school. I'm warning you Mr Koleman sort it out before I go to the press. How do you think that would look? when your school board find out that Mr Wanyes son was injured defending his friend when the teacher didn't lift a fucking finger. You wanna go there? cos I fucking will I've had enough." he sat up straighter alarmed, Bruce moaned deep in his chest but watching you was really doing it for him he didnt know why or care in all honesty he just wanted more of you.

"No, no theres no need for that. We can sort this out between us no need for the governors or press. Mr Wayne is there anything you'd like to add." he said trying hard to wrap up this meeting. You looked at Bruce who frankly you forgot was even there he shook his head looking strange, shifting in his chair uncomfortably.

"I think Miss Cooke summed everything up wounderfully, and she has my full support sort out these kids, I know that they have been causing Damien problems name calling getting him in trouble such and he has said the teacher dosn't do anything about it. I wont stand for it any more , if its not sorted out by the end of the week I will bring Miss Cooke with me and we will speak to the school bored in person." You let out a breath you didnt know you was holding relief flooded you as he said this slightly worried that he'd throw you under the bus. He locked eyes with you his pupils were blown wide and he was breathing heavy he winked subtly, you flushed looking back to the man behind the desk as he cleared his throat.

"Right well I will see to it personally and it will be sorted by the end of the week, you both seem to have concerns with Jack and Damien's teacher so as of tomorrow I will have them moved into another class whilst I investigate. I will phone you both up to check in with the boys I'm terribly sorry that it has been left this long." he stood motioning for you both to do the same ending with.

"The boys can leave early today while I deal with this." Bruce opened the door letting you through growling as the principle made a point to oogle your ass as you left, quickly standing between you blocking his veiw of you he glared at the fat prick his message was clear. That hot little spitfire is mine so back off. He stared down at him chest puffed out standing taller and broarder intimidating the little weasel until he looked away. Bruce smirked then left the office slamming the door behind him finding you explaining to the boys what was happening, joining you as they stood up getting there bags .

"you boys go out and wait by the car while we sign out at the front." Bruce instructed they nodded running ahead to the school enterance.

"The car?" you asked looked up at him shyly

"Yes i will give you both a lift" he said leaving no room for argument. You thanked him then spoke quietly looking down trying not to freak out as he stood closer then you thought was neccasary.

"Thank you for sticking up for me in there, I dont usually get like that but you know I get a bit protective." he chuckled at you showing off a brilliant smile

"Its no problem, to be honest I found the whole mama bear thing very sexy your lucky we we'rnt alone" he said winking you blushed

"Wh-what? sh-shut up" you squeeked out he shook his head at you as he put an arm out over you holding the doors to main reception you thanked him queitly skipping through feeling small catching yourself breathing deeper to smell more of his fresh scented cologne.

"No I'm serious any where else and well" he wiggled his brows at you making you giggle

"and the way you are with damien?ive never seen him like that" he asked trailing off

"Yes well he is a sweet kid, he comes over quiet a bit as you know Alfred drops him off and the boys go off doing their thing, just sort of started to mother him a bit sorry" he smirked at you

"Well if I'd known how stunning you were it'd be me dropping him off. And dont apologize I'm not mad just a bit jealous. Tho not for long" he said handing his pass to the snooty receptionist who gave him bedroom eyes before glaring at you for keeping his attention.

"J-jealous? of Damien why?" you stuttered then bit your lip blushing. He groaned the site of it as he throbbed agin nearly cumming as his cock rubbed harshly agains the soft cotton of his boxers, he just couldnt control it. oh he was definatly gonna have you for himself, somehow you turned him into a horny teenager all over again.

"Well he got to have all your attention earlier, hurts a mans pride when his son can capture a beautiful woman's attention and he cant." you looked away from him giving your pass to the secatary who snatched it with a snarl.

"Im hoping you'd show some mercy and come out for lunch with me?" you gasped snapping your gaze at him.

"Wh-what you mean to talk about the school?"

"No as in a date" he explained you froze feeling butterflies in your tummy looking at the gorgeous man.

"Date? now? like right now?" he nodded smirking thoroughly enjoying you being so flustered.

"yes now I dont have anything else planned for today." you gulped when he gave you a heated look you felt like a meal taking a step back

" I'd love to but I have to clean up Jack and-." you began your excuse only for him to cut you short.

"Nonsense he can come to the manor and spend the day with Damien, Alfred is a good nurse he will patch them up." you blinked trying to think of another reason as he stood staring you down at you waiting to for to decide feeling like a deer in the head lights you realized this alpha of a man wasn't going to give you much of a choice.

"O-ok if your sure alfred wouldn't mind watching him." you nodded shyly Bruce gave a triumphant smirk and threw an arm across your shoulders tucking you against him walking to the main doors.

"Alfred wont mind watching the boys." you both walked outside to the boys Damien sighed at his dad before Jack spoke up.

"Told you he was looking at her ass"

"JACK! He was not!" you screeched at him damien laughed and bruce unlocked the range rover

"I thought I was being subtle about it" you gaped at him speechless as he opened the passenger door the boys gagged getting in the back. You got in the car pouting to yourselfand Bruce climbed in.

"Fucking hell I've never seen her speechless, how'd you do that?" Jack said Damien scoffed

"Dad just keep your boner in your pants until were out of the way."

"Yer shes my sister dont need to see her sucking face." You blushed trying to shush the boys

"DAMIEN! He does not have a boner!"

"Uh yer he does look."You tired not to look you really did but it just sort of happend you squeeked covering your mouth faceing forward and jumped as bruce leant over buckling your seat belt whispering in your ear.

"I did tell you the mama bear was sexy" puljng away he spoke to the boys

"Dont worry boys, we will behave until your out of ear shot" You gapped as they cringed with cries of 'ew dad no' and 'come on thats my sister' he laughed at them patting your thigh before pulling out of the school

"So you asked her on a date yet Dad?" Bruce raised and eye brom looking at him in the rear view mirror pulling out onto the main road.

"Well we are dropping you both off at the manor does that answer your question?"

Jack groaned not sure if he likes the idea of his sister dating his best friends dad.

"dont you hurt her Mr Wayne I know where you live" you smiled at that finding it cute him trying to be the protective little man. The drive was quiet for a while before jack piped up.

"Holy shit if they get married I'd be your uncle" you groaned holding you face in your hands bruce only laughed

"Jack its one lunch date jesus"

".....Can I walk you down the isle?"

"JACK?!"

"What she means is well cross that bridge when we come to it" you stared at Bruce as he smirked enjoying teasing you the boys snickered in the back. You sat back wondering just what you'd gotten youself into.

[aquatedia]

Okay first time posting actual content on this blog so im kind of nervous for this. this isnt fanfiction but my own short story that i wrote that im proud of. so yea! also this is based of personal things so dont attack me

Warnings: self-deprecation, slight self-harm (nothing too graphic), implied homophobia, implied child abuse? 

She wasn't her parents. From the way the girl talked, walked, and behaved, it was clear she was different. They were everything she wasn’t. Her mother was headstrong, blunt, she held herself with an air of confidence, and always knew what she was doing. Her dad was quiet, intimidating, smart, blunt, confident, and liked to keep to himself. But they were similar in the way they were both kind, compassionate, and stubborn. 

She wasn't her parents. From the way the girl talked, walked, and behaved, it was clear she was different. They were everything she wasn’t. Her mother was headstrong, blunt, she held herself with an air of confidence, and always knew what she was doing. Her dad was quiet, intimidating, smart, blunt, confident, and liked to keep to himself. But they were similar in the way they were both kind, compassionate, and stubborn. 

Her mother was the strongest person the girl knew, her mother’s childhood wasn’t the best, but she was always quick to defend herself. Her mother was persistent, messing up but never giving up on what she was passionate about, but at the same time, was always quick to drop everything to come to her daughter's aid. She was protective, not letting the girl do things her mom thought dangerous. She always spoke her mind and would never soften the truth when you asked. When she comforted her daughter, the girl could feel the fierce loyalty and the silent promise of “I would protect you always,” to make up for the fact that her mom never protected her.

But the girl wasn't her mom.

Her dad was the quietest person she knew. But what he lacked in volume he made up in his presence. He was quiet sure, but when he walked in the room, all eyes would be on him, either anxiously or eagerly waiting for his words. He was tall, tall enough to intimidate even the strongest person and with a glare, they would wither. When he comforted you, he was fierce, silent but you knew he was planning on confronting the thing that hurt you, seething in quiet anger and sadness. It felt like he would go through hell and back to avenge you. And while it was nice having someone strong there for you, the girl knew her dad's past still haunted him; his parents weren't the most wonderful people, and the effects that had on him was evident. 

But she wasn't her dad.

Over the years, something in her view of her parents changed. Perhaps it was when her mom kept comparing her to her brother, wishing she was more like him. Perhaps it was the way her dad blew up at the tiniest things, making everyone in the room flinch. Perhaps it was when they punished her instead of asking what's wrong. 

The girl was an introvert, quiet but observant, headstrong, and passionate about her favorite things. Quick to defend herself, but just as quick to blame herself for wrongdoings. She was sarcastic but ready to apologize for any lines crossed. She was small enough and blended into the crowd, she was loyal even to a fault. Always coming back to those who wronged her far too many times. When she comforted you, it was quiet, words of reassurance whispered, hugs that made everything fade away, basking in the warmth and protectiveness she emitted. Underneath that, she was planning on confronting those who hurt you. It would be subtle of course, she hated confrontations, but she was willing to go out of her comfort zone for those she loved.

Her mom had greying brown hair that was always pinned up and beautiful hazel eyes, with what the girl always described as sunflowers in her irises. Her mom was small and had red dusting her cheeks with her usual smile. Her dad was tall and had black hair with grey creeping in on the edges, he was strong, the muscle poking out of the shirts he wore evident, due to his profession. Her dad was stoic and rarely smiled except for when he teased you.

 The girl had long dark brown hair, eyes a beautiful hazel with dark circles around the eye, she didn't like to stand tall resulting in her bad posture. She usually never smiled on the outside, but it was pretty easy to get her to laugh.

But even with the similarities in appearance, she wasn't her parents.

It became more obvious in high school. The girl realized she was having a difficult time in school. Don't get her wrong, she loved school and she understood most of the material, she was an A+ student after all. But she had a hard time focusing. She would be doing her work but a conversation happening to her left would catch her attention, she went back to her work. But no matter how hard she tried, her mind kept going back to the conversation.

Someone would be talking to her, but her brain wouldn't process the words leaving the other person frustrated with her, and leave her wondering what she did wrong. The scene playing in her head on loop. 

 Someone told her something important, she would walk away only to realize she already forgot what they had said and she would have to go back and ask again, making the person mad at her. Some nights she sat there at the dinner table trying to do homework but she physically couldn't.

She had a pencil and paper, and the instructions! But. She. Just. Couldn't. Do. It. 

Some nights turned into most nights, which lead to missing assignments, which lead to getting punished by her parents. 

One particularly bad day of forgetting and not focusing, her parents sent her to her room, preparing to have a conference with the teachers about her grades. Hot tears ran down her face, arms red and raw from her scratching, eyes screwed shut with thoughts running through her mind.

What was wrong with her? Why wasn’t she normal? Why couldn’t she do anything? God she was so stupid! She hated herself, she was horrible, she was- Her eyes snapped open, mind offering her one solution. Hastily with shaking hands, she grabbed her phone and furiously typed in the google search bar.

ADHD? She blinked in confusion, heart speeding up with every symptom she read, so she wasn't just a screw-up, she had a valid reason for the way she is! For the first time in months, she felt understood.

She got up and headed towards her door, preparing an apology to her parents for staying up late and possibly an explanation for the way she is.

Her parents were mad. They didn't even listen to her. Her dad took her phone away while her mom accused her of making excuses.

The girl went to bed that night hating herself even more.

Her view of her parents changed over the years. With their blatant disregard for her feelings, boundaries, and obvious hatred of those different from the norm, her views changed.

For the first time, the girl had realized one night, she wasn't like her parents, but maybe that was a good thing. For years she aimed to be like them, to be as strong and outgoing as her mother, to be as intimidating and fierce as her dad, but that wasn't working. It was scary. Knowing you're different than what your parents wanted you to be. And soon, she was more different than any normal person.

Her parents were straight, she was not.

Her parents were neurotypical, she was not.

Her parents were close-minded, she was not.

Her parents were selfish and acted out of the hurt of their childhoods, she wasn't going to let her childhood define her.

Her parents were quick to hate those different, the girl was going to show kindness to everybody, even if she didn't understand them.

She was going to show compassion to everybody. She was going to show compassion to those who wronged her, giving them second chances to prove themselves worthy of her respect, if not she learned not to waste her time.

And she soon learned to do the same for her parents. Time after time, she gave them chances, chances to learn, and do better. But time after time, they failed, disrespecting her present girlfriend, comments about her appearance, making fun of her because of her diagnosed ADHD, saying how wonderful she had it growing up compared to theirs.. It hurt, of course. It hurt knowing she could never hug her mom again without thinking of her betrayal, it hurt knowing she couldn't be in the same room as her dad, afraid he was going to get angry and start throwing things. She moved out of the house when she turned 19.

And now she has people who are the same as her and understand her, but the girl couldn't have been happier.

She wasn't her parents, and she never will be.

[metalheadtilimdead]

I’m fed up.

This is the only place I can let my feelings fly without family or my kids teacher seeing this negativity. I’m just exhausted. I keep allowing others to walk all over me and get away with it, like nothing happened, they move on with their fake ass lives while I’m still here, stuck and totally lost. Please someone, help me figure this out.

First, let it be known that I have acquired a grocery list of psychological problems over the years that’ve just grown worse. That being said, I KNOW I’m not the best person to be around right now, I get that, and I make that known to people around me. I truly do want the best for others. I want to get better, I AM going to get better. I want to be the best me I can be for my kids and myself. But recently I was ignorant and allowed someone else in, going against my word to myself, I still let them. So obviously I’m to blame here, but it’s still not right. He filled me FULL of sweet things that I was stupid enough to think was genuine. He acted (pretty good in fact) as though he was the light in my darkness. He did things for me, as in spent money on me, when I begged them not to. He would jump to doing things for me EVEN though I never asked for a thing. So in moments I called him out on his disrespect and lack of care he would throw all the things “he did out of love” right into my face like his actions were okay because he did things for me (things I never asked for people!). FOR EXAMPLE:

He would be put in his place. I would show him how he was being disrespectful and how i didn’t need or want that in my life he would say,

“But after all did for you....”

ARE YOU SERIOUS?! If that’s not a mind fuck I don’t know what is. He did things like that all the time. As if buying my “love” or whatever was possible. Hell no. I didn’t ask for anything.

After reminding him all I wanted was friendship, nothing more, so I could really work on myself, and find myself again he didn’t care. That’s the first thing he never truly respected. Instead he made it a point to call a million times a day, show up to my house whenever they pleased(after I’d ask for some space), fill my inbox full of these sweet ludicrous messages, provoke any sort of sexual activity, remind me of how all over the place I was as if I didn’t make that known already, and would question my every move like we were together, which we weren’t, even though I proved myself to be totally a 100% genuine friend. I told them I didn’t want a relationship, even I knew that was too much for me right now. But that’s a huge part of me that hasn’t ever left, I actually give a shit about people and how they feel. Using that to his advantage. He would act possessive, when I would say I needed space he would follow that with

“Oh for how long?”

“Are you not going to talk to me? “

“Can I still come over?”

“Do you hate me?”

“Please don’t.”

“I should just go die then.”

The most popular one was,

“I’ll just kill myself”.

What kind of messed up person can you be to do that to someone?!! Someone that is going through a shit ton while trying to be nice and be a friend...what the hell?! Even knowing about all of my struggles, how vulnerable I was that did not stop him from choosing to be worse for me. He’d apologize and say he was going to change or had changed (like it was an overnight thing)😅 which obviously never happened. He never changed, he just played that annoying blame game like a child. IM NOT the best me right now, I know that, I wouldn’t want to be a part of my life either, but that’s just it. I tried to get away, but instead of listening he pushed and prodded me continuously knowing the heart I have for others which tends to obviously make it difficult to set and keep boundaries. He used that to their advantage. So now after all his disrespect towards me and my growth as a person he wants to keep playing the blame game, the game he’s probably used his whole life, to blame his actions and choices on everything else but the real culprit. Himself. I’m done giving passes to these people who everyone sees as sweet and innocent. So I hope my word vomit helps someone in my similar predicament. Growth is important. Get out of your comfort zones and push to be your best. The right people will push you higher and higher. But this gal only needs her two sweet wonderful bright kiddos to push her higher and higher. Screw all you life sucking, dream stomping, disrespecting barbarous creatures. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[llamameangelazul]

1:33 A.M.

My emotions are catching up to me and i’m exploding in tears. I haven’t cried this much for a while now... it’s like everything decided to crash into me today. All the resentment, dissapointment, sadness, rage, happiness....  I want to freeze time,  want to go back in time and relive moments with the people I loved the most. I am filled with nostalgia. Is it real or are they memories I have created? Was it really any better before or I just like to remember it to be that way? There’s just so much that I cannot put into words. I have to have a purpose to still be here. I hope I do. Life is confusing, I am confused 24/7. I am constantly stressed and overwhelmed in this house. I cannot leave yet unfortunately... my siblings are leeches. They will be the end of my parents. My parent’s will most likely not see my children, if I ever decide to have a child.Or perahps they will but not enjoy them as my other siblings children do. They pressure me and tell me to just do it, im 21, will be turing 22 this year. I do not need a child. No, i will not get married this year or next year either... I don’t know, will my papa ever see me getting married? The man I love with my whole heart. My poor mama, I feel for her now. I get why she was so hard on me. I don’t need them as much as my other siblings do. It’s something I had to overcome slowly, it’s not that they love me any less. it’s just that they know I am stronger than they are. I’ve done everything on my own... when I needed my family the most, my mama especially--- where was she? Not with me. She was at home taking care of my sister’s kids while I tried  to burn my skin off in the shower, punching the walls, sobbing. I will never understand how cruel people are. How some people are willing to defend or not speak up for others when they’re in trouble. Integrity. I am disgusted, and sickened by them. Being a cna, was the best and worst experience of my life. I took care of people in their most vulnerable moments. Some had lovely families who cared for them wholeheartedly while others it was almost like a chore/obligation to be there.... while others were all alone. Even the most difficult patients (Randy) who’d throw shit at me and everyone.... was hard to love had a soft spot. A senior nursing assistant who knew him since the day he stepped into the nursing home said he had a daugther and would visit him at first but decided to end all contact with him for whatever reason, but i’m sure she did it for a good reason.... but what i’m trying to say is.... everyone has seen some terrible things or lived through it or live in regret like how he lives now and he’s so angry all the time, it’s sad. I hope he is at peace one day. I worked night shifts, doubles. Worked my ass off.... for what? I cannot be a nurse. I cannot even step into a nursing home without hyperventilating. I wanted to become a nurse so badly, now that it’s not within my reach.....I feel useless. But... I’m trying to change career paths now and become a teacher or perhaps a counselor would be more suitable, I’d enjoy that more. I used to dream about becoming a travel nurse. Travel all of California, the states. But then I felt like a fucking joke when the DON at the nursing home told me, “You will become a nurse, this is his livelihood.” This haunts me. I dont give one fuck. He is a predator. He preyed on me when I was at my weakest. This was my third double shift... go in at 10pm leave at 2:30 sleep 4-5 hours and do it again. I was supposed to have a week off after this. We were short on people too. The people that worked there didn’t really care about these people. PSA: IF YOU LACK COMPASSION, HEALTHCARE ISN’T THE PLACE FOR YOU. IT WOULD PISS ME THE FUCK OFF HEARING PEOPLE COME IN THE MORNING COMPLAINING ABOUT their 7-10 residents where I would take care of 20+ residents, dress them for the morning and here I was working a double shift. Not the first time I’ve done it but that week I overdid it and worked those 3 days back to back.... He was never disrespectful towards anyone. He kept to himself and offered help to anyone who needed it. He was everyones “brother” there. He was a middle aged Latino man, only Latino than me and my coworker who i once though to be my “work mom”. He needed help  giving a bed bath which usually takes two people to those who are aggressive... While giving a bed bath he started small talk saying how my parents should be proud of how hardworking I am then went on how tired I looked and how I should rest on the bed like the other cna’s do and I was like no, I don’t do that , that’s unprofessional and I would never. Then he said my shoe lace was untied and i my back was turned to the bed behind so i bent over and he was BIG and pushed me and his weight was crushing me and he swirled his tongue down my throat and i bit him and tried pushing him off but i was so fucking weak and tired, I couldn’t do it, until I was able to fucking kick him in the nuts and i tried running through the bathroom but he locked it and then I pushed him and ran out of the room, he yelled in spanish “Don’t be scared, Don’t say anything, and I just ran to the end of the hall where there I saw my “work mom” and my other coworker and I just couldn’t speak but they jokingly said if i saw a ghost or something because i was pale. I threw up, when i managed to get some words out of mouth, they were in disbelief about what happened. They told the charge nurse, she said she was going to do “her best” and it was “okay” bitch, tf it is not. anyways.... my phone died but i was able to use my coworkers and i called my man and he immediatley made his way to my job. I KID YOU NOT... THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS STILL ON THE FLOOR. WHEN THE CHARGE NURSE WAS NOTIFIED, SHE SHOULD HAVE ESCORTED HIS ASS OUT IMMEDIATLEY. RIGHT????? RIGHT. anyways He comes 20 mins later and asks me who it was and i pointed to the coward in the purple scrubs. He pushed him out of the facility and asked him “what did you do to her? What did you do to my girlfriiend” to which he replies “I WaS JuSt PlaYinG with HeR.” WHO TF PLAYS WITH A 21 year old like that??? BULLLSHIT. EVERYONE HEARD. NO ONE SAID A THING when it came down to give my report. they all swore to back me up and they didn’t. the police officer got teary eyed as he saw me and said sadly, due to them not cooperating, they couldn’t make a case. Nothing happened. all i could do is get a restraining order. that’s it.... I still have not recovered from that. The disilusionment. The people I trusted. But then again, this isn’t the first time people let me down like that. Just the first time something major happened and it’s hard for me to let go of this. I am in pain. I am hurt. I do not want to hurt anymore. I’m a good fucking person. I used to be passionate about a lot of things and slowly started losing interest in them but this year I will try my best to do those things again. I will go on roadtrips again, i will go to at least one concert, I will read again, I will sing again, I will glue my pieces back together. Nobody got you like you got you. The only two people who was there for me in those moments was my dearest best friend Yulissa and my man, Donavon. I will forever be grateful for having them.  Right now, I need to focus on school, get help when needed, don’t hesitate asking for help, and not give as many fucks as I do. I need to stop giving a fuck but lmao it’s so HARD. I CARE ABOUT EVERYTHING TOO MUCH. but the moment i feel like it is not being reciprocated, I SHUT DOWN. I need to stop. I am so tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of feeling so much and nothing at all. I hate not knowing. But must embrace uncertainty. Help me, higher forces. Help me God, if you hear me. I’m sorry for losing faith. I don’t know if I could go back to church again but.... I guess I could try. Idk... Ok going to sleep. bye. 

[kilesplaysthings]

IkeSen Custom MC/OC Meme

(just so you know, i’m pulling this straight outta thin air lol it’s late and i’m brainstorming as i fill this out XD)

Hello there, time-traveler / feudal heroine / warlord! What’s your name?

Oh hey there! My name is Ana Hill (I’ve been told I need to work on my Japanese letters - and I probably should be writing this in Japanese too - but hey, what Ieyasu doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?!)

Age? Height?

21! Uh, I guess about 5′3 or so?

What’s your fashion like? [Time travelers – pre & post-wormhole!]

Well, before I pulled a Marty McFly back into the Sengoku, my style was..um..nothing? I dunno, a simple t-shirt and jeans did the job for me. And Converse. Man..I miss my Converse.. Well, at my job I had to wear a nice pantsuit as well. Not too big on skirts, but I liked wearing dresses now and then. Heels were ok, but only for formal occasions. Now that I’m here in the good ol’ 1500s, I like to rock the kimono, if you know what I mean. Though I’ve been seriously considering swiping one of Mitsunari’s..or Ieyasu’s Hakama sometimes (they seem closer to my size, I think). Those look very comfortable!

Where are you from?

Glouchester, Massachusetts (USA) 

Feudal era – pros and/ or cons?

Ooh boy, here we go. Pros: It’s quieter here, plus the scenery is beautiful, like the different castles and shrines I’ve seen, not to mention all the nature!! Oh, and no pollution, either!! I get to be up close and personal with a lot of wildlife too, like horses! I’ve learned how to ride one too! Which is something I’ve always wanted to learn! Since I’ve been set up as a Princess I’ve been treated pretty well and everyone is very kind and helpful. And there’s a lot of lovely kimono I’ve been allowed to try on. Cons: Language barrier is worse in this time period. I could get by with speaking Japanese back in the modern day, but here, it’s different.. and I’m completely lost when it comes to reading their alphabet! I had no idea the letters changed over time! Also, they don’t call it the Sengoku era for nothing! It’s one thing to see it in the movies, it’s another thing to hear about and see the real thing. There are some things I don’t think I’ll ever un-see.. As for more lighthearted matters, I do miss wifi, not gonna lie.. and air conditioning... what I wouldn’t give for air conditioning again.....(and tampons but ANYWAYS)

If you’re not in your homeland/time, do you want to go home?

I do miss my grandparents, but also my time was also the time where I had to watch my mom die... so... a little bit of yes and a little bit of no...

What’s your home life like?

I lived with my grandparents, whose parents actually immigrated from Portugal. My dad was of some other nationality, like German or Dutch, I think. He skipped out on us when I was a kid. My mom died in my teens. You know, being able to actually speak a little Portuguese helps with the warlords? At least, with Nobunaga and Hideyoshi. Didn’t realize there were Portuguese merchants that visited Japan back then. The more you know, I guess!

You just got your dream job! What is it? / Or, what’s your line of work?

My line of work WAS being an English teacher in Kyoto. There was a cool exchange program in school that allowed us to go to Japan and I loved it. After that I learned that you could get a job that allowed you to teach English over there. I loved Japan, and I wanted to be a teacher. The rest is history. heh...

Any other hobbies or skills? Do you use them / how do you use them in the Sengoku period?

I’m a big movie buff. American film, French film, Japanese film, Korean film.. name it, I’ll watch it. It’s just a hobby of mine. Nothing very useful for the Sengoku period, though. Watching Kurosawa films does NOT make one a Sengoku scholar, I found. Though it is fun seeing all those warlords baffled at my lame 80s references.

Where is your base of operations? Azuchi Castle? Kasugayama Castle? A pirate ship? Running all over the woods or in a secret monastery? Some other cool place?

Azuchi. Nobunaga and Masamune were names I recognized. And Nobunaga can speak some Portuguese, so I went along with him. Good choice? Bad choice? We’ll see...

How do you feel about killing and violence?

It’s the Sengoku period. It’s just what goes on here. That doesn’t mean I like it, and that it doesn’t scare me half to death, but I just kinda...live with it? I couldn’t kill a person myself, though. Unless maybe in self-defense.

Have you learned to fight? If so, what’s your weapon and/or fighting style of choice?

Fighting kind of scares me. I did agree to learn how to shoot a bow. And Masamune gave me a dagger to protect myself.

What are you fighting for?

To survive? Being a Princess of Azuchi isn’t always safe, I’ve found. Especially when its Lord decides to drag me into battle even though he knows I don’t know a thing about fighting??!!

What are your feelings about authority?

Hey man, I don’t like dictators, but I come from a different time period. I can’t just assume that people are gonna understand or agree with the morals that I’m used to. If someone is pointing a sword or a pistol in my face, I’m not gonna act stupid and be disrespectful, you know? There’s a time and a place for things.

How do you handle someone invading your personal space?

If it’s someone I know and am close with, I don’t mind it at all! But if they’re a stranger, I get uncomfortable.

…do you invade people’s personal space?

I wouldn’t say so, unless, again, if you’re someone I am close with. 

Are you more open, or more reserved? Are you secretive?

I tend to be more on the open side. I can keep a secret, though, if need be (though it depends on if I think its something that should be kept secret).

Is this the first time you’ve been truly in love?

With a real person that I actually know? Yes...

What’s your style as a lover? (interpret this as innocently or not-innocently as you please ;) )

I can be a bit of a cuddler. Again, if I know you, I like to be close. Kissing is..yes. I like it.. I also like to play with hair and have mine played with. Honestly, just snuggling close to someone and talking about anything and everything is a perfect way to spend an afternoon for me. I’m not too complicated. I grew up in a small house where we shared everything. I’m used to simple things and am easy to please.

What are your favorite ways for someone to show you love?

Simple, everyday things please me. A nice comment, a random hug or kiss, a sweet gesture; just something that shows they were thinking of me... I grew up being taught that family is very important, so knowing that I am wanted and that I can be a part of someone else’s family would be a wonderful thing.

Do you use a petname or endearments for your lover(s)?

Hmmmm...maybe? When I was little, my grandfather once said my grandmother was fofo, which means cute or soft. Maybe I’d call him that...

How do you feel about…

Nobunaga? Weird. A mix of scary, funny, childish, and admirable all rolled up into that...admittedly attractive...mountain of a man. Good conversationalist too. It’s extremely entertaining telling him all of the stories from movies and books back at home.

Hideyoshi?  Scary at first, but super sweet once he got used to me. Very helpful and considerate. I’m slowly but surely winding him down and helping him chill out about Nobunaga sneaking out to get candy (because I want some of my own, darn it!!!)

Masamune? Also Scary. But man can he cook! Also he has a PET TIGER. One of these days, im stealing Shogetsu and keeping him for myself!

Ieyasu? Porcupine. Also a good teacher, but super strict! Gave me a real appreciation for herbal medicines.

Mitsunari? He’s SO CUTE? Literally, the cutest person I’ve ever seen?? Good study buddy, too. He’s helping me learn the language better and I’m teaching him English!

Mitsuhide? Scary. But cool. But scary. But funny. I can’t tell you how many times he’s made fun of the way I’ve stared at him since we’ve met.

Shingen? Hot. Too hot. Dangerous. gotta keep your eye on that one. May or may not have imagined him in a suit.

Kenshin? He’s got..two different colored eyes? Like a cat? Intimidating as all get-out. All he thinks about is war. Needs a hobby like stamp collecting. I want to touch his fluffy haori.

Yukimura? Reminds me of a guy I knew in school. Kind of a jock, but not the kind that has a way with the ladies. Lovable but awkward. That kind of guy. He’s funny when he’s with Sasuke though. Hilarious to tease too. He called me an enchantress one time and I tried to sing that one song from Hocus Pocus to him. Didn’t go well.

Sasuke?  Bestest pal ever. Would 100% time travel with him again. We have so many inside jokes we could write a book. (omg we should do that.. gotta remind myself to tell him that next time I see him!!) It’s a shame he lives so far away.

Kennyo? A warrior monk who wants to kill but also loves animals? Doesn’t compute. If only I could get him to a therapist...

Motonari?  I’m gonna teach him the “Pirates Life for Me” song one of these days...that is, if he doesn’t try to kill me or kidnap me or something first...

Any other friends/notables?

I did have some friends when I was teaching English, yes. I also got along with my students pretty well too. Mostly, it’s my grandparents I worry about while I’m stuck here...

Freestyle! Tell us anything else you’d like to share!

I have a massive sweet tooth like big man Nobunaga here. Hideyoshi has accused me of encouraging his addiction.. it’s true, sadly. Portuguese merchants are my best friends and I’ve haggled them enough that I get some of their delicacies for lower prices. I’m becoming Nobunaga’s best friend because of this, I think. My name might as well be Lucky Charm. Shingen may or may not have recruited me to his sweet dumpling team though. Those are super good...

*goes to think about all the sweets she misses*

Thanks for introducing yourself! ♡

(you rock, @nyktoon-ikemenlove !)

[aldmerii-blog]

bitch u know i want all of those answered for shaelle. i ain’t ever gonna stop loving you or her. bitch

aubren i would literally go to war for u. 

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

im boutta give her a bunch of middle names to upp the fancy meter here we go

so her full as name. the name she signs on Official Documents. is Lady Shaelle Alihanna Amoniel Erunae Dasyra

her middle names are the names of prominent ancestors, because her mom’s Like That. both her siblings are named after ancestors too. her first name translates roughly to “increased happiness”. 

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Master Wizard of the Luniac, Heir to the Third Advisory to the Crown of Serin Ilyan.

master wizard is the title she got for graduating. the luniac (academy) is a prestigious school in the city. 

and her family holds an advisory position to the queen. sort of like a cabinet? when she inherits the position it’ll change to Third Adviser to the Crown.     

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? 

her childhood was very happy! idyllic, even. she was a leeeetle bit of a spoiled brat. she really really didn’t take to being told “no” and her parents weren’t hands-on raising her, she had nannies. and her nannies kind of gave up fighting with her. it wasn’t their money, anyway!

anyway. her favorite memories are times spent with her brothers, particularly sundemar! he’s closer to her in age than sylvar is (i can’t remember how much older than her sylvar is, but sundemar is two years younger). she was the brains, sundemar the brawn, and they got up to all sorts of trouble. 

bad memories... one time her dad hit her but that’s about it. 

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? 

HA. distant, i guess. her mom treats her more like a colleague and she doesn’t talk to her father even though they all live together. 

good memory w/ pollae was when shaelle graduated. pollae was so legitimately proud of her and straight said so. bad memory was seeing her mother cry when sylvar got arrested. 

good memory with her father was uhhhhhhhhh. visiting her paternal grandma when she was very very young, before she died. bad memory is every other minute with him. 

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

two siblings! sundemar, younger brother. sylvar, older brother. she was very very very close to sylvar. he was her friend and confidant. sundemar was close to her when they were kids but they’ve grown apart since she started school. now she doesn’t really talk to him and she CAN’t talk to sylvar because he’s in PRISON. 

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

she was teacher’s pet. she loved it. she graduated with highest honors and there is literally no further “schooling” she could have -- she’d just have to do research on her own from now on. 

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? 

she was friends, at least loosely, with most of her parents’ colleagues’ children, and she’s run in those same circles ever since. she doesn’t have many close friends, though. 

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? 

no, no, well enough. she’s not averse to having pets but her mom hates them, and since she still lives with her mom. yknow. 

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? 

dkjlfs not really. she’s a little nervous around animals and i think they can sense that. she’s okay with relaxed animals like. cats. 

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

she likes kids a lot! i think kids like her? she has a sort of caring maternal presence and she does very fun magic tricks. she very much wants kids. 

i think she’d struggle with being a parent, at least at first. because she doesn’t have anyone to model her own parenting after. but i think al and al’s mother especially help her fall into it better. she’s very encouraging and supportive but she is terrible at saying no. 

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

nope! she eats most vegetarian but that’s mostly a cultural thing. 

12. What is their favourite food? 

heavily spiced curry. 

13. What is their least favourite food?

Cucumber Sandwiches. 

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

a picnic with her brothers as a tween. laying under a leafy trellis on a blanket, with the sound of the ocean’s dull roar somewhere in the distance. eating dates and hummus and little cakes.  

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

she’s never had to cook in her entire life. and she is atrocious. she can, like, dice carrots or whatever. but that’s it. she just straight up don’t cool for people. she’ll pay someone else to do it.  

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? 

perfume! she has hundreds of bottles of perfume. she has her favorites on her vanity and the rest in a glass case in her closet. 

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

if she took photos, they’d be either selfies of her with acquaintances or of parties. maybe som like studyblr type photos. and she’d been an instagram queen. 

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

she either reads nonfiction hard science books or epic poetry. and music...she’s not really into. poetic ballads. 

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

uhhhh thriller/whodunnits 

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

no, no, not really. she’ll hum along to a song she knows. 

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

OH BOY DOES SHE. she does not take kindly to being disrespected, especially. like there aren’t a lot of things that piss her off but she has a short fuse on the things that do. and she. usually will get violent. if she can’t hurt you directly she’ll find some way to ruin ur fucking life. 

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

usually insults that imply someone is stupid/foolish. idiot, fool, etc. sometimes dumbass if she’s feeling vulgar. and it’s usually because they did something stupid. but she doesn’t often insult people directly to their faces. 

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

she has a pretty good memory! she can remember names a lot better than faces. she’s better at. like. facts and dates and shit than people. 

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

midnight to 9am, pretty constantly. she does not snore, but she does sometimes mumble in her sleep. and she sleeps. on a big ol canopy bed on imported linen sheets. and she absolutely sleeps on a featherbed. 

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

she’s a witty banter kind o gal. but i think she laughs easily at what other people say. she’s not particularly funny. 

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? 

she’s not super expressive. she’d probs smile more easily or even laugh more but that’s about it. unless she’s around someone she likes, then she’s open and giddy and giggly.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

she cries real easily, but she usually tries to keep that hidden. listen my sweet girl gets overwhelmed really easily because she never learned how to deal with her emotions in a healthy way so she just cries. 

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

she’s really afraid of making bad decisions. she’s afraid people will get hurt because of her. or that she’ll do something so bad she gets disinherited and leaves her family with sundemar as its heir. yknow. 

also zombies. 

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? 

she tries to comfort people, usually. or explain why they shouldn’t be afraid. that kind of thing. 

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

dude you couldn’t convince shaelle to exercise. she does not like being sweaty. she goes on walks sometimes but that is It. 

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

NO. jfdls no she does not drink. she doesn’t trust herself to. her brother’s an alcoholic and she’s afraid she’ll get addicted too and she’s not willing to risk it. though she does take care of drunks when she comes to them. 

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

She’s Fancee. big skirts, ruffles, embroidery, sewn in pearls. all her clothes are custom made. she mostly wears up-to-date fashions. to sleep, she has a selection of ruffly nightgowns. she wears “”natural”” makeup, designed to make her look prettier without being noticeable. and her hair is wavy and silky and she does a lot with it -- it’s very cooperative. 

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

f. fantasy underwear? modern!shaelle would wear cute little lacy undies. matching bras always. 

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

pear shape! she got Hips n Thighs. narrow-ish shoulders and small tiddies. (ok not small like a comfortable b cup). she’s about 5′5. and she doesn’t hate her body. she wishes she was shaped less like a human but what can ya do. 

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? 

human food is guilty pleasure. dancing is unguilty. 

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

she’s. hm. a good wizard. and smart. but she doesn’t really have any hobbies or talents. come to think of it she’d probably be self-conscious about that. 

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

she loves reading! she’s a fast reader. either poetry or non-fiction. she doesn’t read a lot of fictional prose. 

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

people who are charismatic/good with people. bravery, loyalty. also people who have any talent with musical instruments, because she’s pretty rubbish. 

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? 

she writes letters but modern!shaelle would write emails fjkdsl. 

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

she drinks caffeinated tea in the morning. and she really likes sweet food. but generally she’s fine to stay up without it. 

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

she’s uhhhh bi i guess? she likes people who are tall. stronk, usually. she really likes intelligent and kind people. but she is Not Picky. ideally she /needs/ someone who supports and encourages her and attends to her emotionally stunted ass but she rarely gets it. 

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

survival basically? look basically she’s on a path she’d rather not be on with no way out. if you’d asked her at sixteen what her goals are, she would have told you she wants to travel and study magic and maybe teach, once she gets old enough. and she’d still love to do that. but she’s got a noble house to run now so she’s just. gonna do that. 

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

nooo. she. thinks it’s foolish and pointless, and religious people fools. she’s not mean about it and won’t say anything on it unless you try to preach to her. 

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? 

spring! warm sunny spring days! she complains about the heat more than anything else but that’s because she wears heavy clothing. even her lightest clothes are heavier than they should be. 

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? 

uhhhh I don’t think so? i would think people who know who she is would be a little intimidated by her. she’s very smart and marginally powerful. but she sees herself as weak and foolish and ineffectual so! 

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

she usually makes a? pretty good first impression? among peers, at least. mostly by virtue of her manners and title, because she introduces herself by letting everyone know she’s a master wizard and is gonna have the queen’s ear in a decade so like. lol. 

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

She Loves Fancy Parties. that’s one thing she’d miss about being an academic, less opportunity to dress up and be better than other people. but yeah she loves getting dolled up and dancing and gossiping. 

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? 

fancy parties, tea parties, dinner parties, galas, etc. she both hosts and attends, but never without being invited. and she’s very well-mannered and good at making party small-talk. 

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

she’s. pretty sentimental. she still has all of sylvar’s books, even though they are of no interest to her. she has a necklace he gave her for her last birthday w him that she wears a lot, but not always. 

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

HH. a book, paper, ink, pen, toothbrush, soap, perfume, change of clothes, magical focus. 

[thebigreylotheory]

My TLJ Review Part 2 or Lukey Thoughts

Alright, now that I’m over my Ahch-To Luke-like hiatus, it’s time to talk about Ahch-To Luke.

He’s exactly how I imagined he’d be:

A grumpy Pooh-bear.

Seemingly, unlike a lot of fans, I wasn’t disappointed by Luke’s role, portrayal, or amount of action.

‘Cause I had emotionally prepared myself for Luke to pretty much do nothing in The Last Jedi…(therefore him doing ANYTHING was exciting for me).

Why, you ask?

There are many parts to that answer. And I’ll try to organize this as nicely as possible, I did buy a new filing cabinet and all. My Rey and Kylo Pop Figures live there quite nicely.

A)I knew the time for the story to be solely about/focus on Luke Skywalker had passed. I’ll be honest, way back in the day (now), as a kid, I was disappointed that George Lucas decided to make prequels instead of sequels starring Mark, Carrie, and Harrison (I wanted more of what I knew and loved). As a creator, I respect what George wanted to do. However, fact remains, a bunch of time passed, and from a story sense all of our original main characters leveled up to the mentor archetype stage.

           1) I, by no means, see or read every SW interview, but on many occasions in print, tv, Youtube, Mark mentioned statements along the lines of “passing the baton,” and “it’s their story now [new kids]” (paraphrasing). He wasn’t just telling the truth from a certain point of view. He meant the action wasn’t going to follow him. I love J.J., but I feel like some fans, based on the TFA switch-a-roo marketing, felt like they were finally going to get a swoll-gym-Luke Skywalker. Or Bruce Lee.

           2) Mark also made several comments about being on the “if it tastes good don’t eat it diet,” not getting to eat his favorite crackers while watching movies, and being allowed to take his time on the stairs/hills of Skellig Michael. He’s human, he’s a prolific voice actor, not an action star (I type this while I’m eating cookies, don’t tell Dr. Captain McHusband, M.D. or he’ll lock me in the gym cave. “Kirby Fluff is my natural state” doesn’t work on him). Anyhow, this was a clue to me that Mark wasn’t going to be too keen on doing a whole lot of stunts. I mean, in comparison, Harrison had it easy in TFA. All he had to do is sit in the pilot seat of the Falcon and raise a blaster to make people happy. Lightsaber battles are hard (Dr. Captain McHusband, M.D allowed our battles to count as daily cardio until I broke his lightsaber. Oops, the dark side isn’t stronger, at least not in plastic.)

B) I knew there was no good reason for Luke to be stuck on Ahch-To. I had already reasoned either:

           1) After all these years, Luke’s plans still weren’t going so well, AND like a dummy he accidentally got himself stuck on Ahch-To. Which fans would have complained about (he has the Force!)…I can hear the Luke-is-still-a-goofy-farmboy cries from the Alternative Universe all the way in this dimension.

           2) He was hiding like a coward cause he didn’t want Snoke to “get” him. Prior to seeing TLJ, I thought this was most likely the case. For whatever reason, I assumed, perhaps, Luke didn’t want to be turned into a “tool” like his nephew. Maybe I thought Snoke was more powerful and Luke knew it. Something along the lines of he thought Snoke would tempt him Christ-in-the-wilderness style. But, the hole in the argument, I mean, what could someone give Luke that might have been better than ruling the galaxy with his birth dad?

           3) But, they surprised me a little by going grizzled, i-don’t-care-anymore, shut off from the Force Luke. However, given the circumstances with Kylo, the death of his other students, from his perspective letting down Yoda as a teacher, it was the most realistic approach in IMO. Not sure if there are therapists in the SW universe. (Or how much hugging Ewoks would really help.) What else would a failed, depressed character do to deal?

C) I knew he needed to change as a character. Else, there wouldn’t have been an interesting character arch. For me, it would have been hard to suspend my belief if he was the same person from, guessing, thirty something years ago. (Look how much Obi-wan changed!) I always loved Luke, but I know a lot of people prefer other characters in SW (Han, Vader, Lando) because they saw Luke as a young, naïve, goody-goody. He blew up the Death Star, faced his father “The Chosen One” most-powerful-Jedi, and the Emperor…what was left to change and challenge him? I think his own pride in having done all that was a good place to start. Even from the beginning he was “I’m Luke Skywalker” and later in ROTJ, “I am a Jedi.” 

Which seemingly showed a lot of pride as a trait (IMO Han didn’t run around saying “I am a smuggler!” with the same gusto). So, I do think Luke having to face himself, and the fact that Luke Skywalker failed, was the last, best villain he could have. 

And in the end, he wins. He helps, because that’s what Luke Skywalker does.

Other Lukey movie thoughts:

I’m sure this lightsaber toss was a little disappointing for Luke…I know the last time he tossed the lightsaber there was a scramble of eligible students vying to get it. But you know, superior Skywalker blood skills and all, Ben caught it.

AND I know if Rey doesn’t fix and then toss the lightsaber at the end of Episode 9, im-gonna-be-disappointed, cause tossing the lightsaber is a Jedi tradition when they don’t need it anymore, ya know?

Anyhow, back on topic, I actually laughed (I think I was the only one) when Luke threw the lightsaber away.

Interestingly, I’ve seen some heartache over this, as some fans believe that Luke wouldn’t disrespect his father that way. I think that gets into interesting territory over if one is more of a OT or PT fan…I know it was Luke’s father’s, but I always saw it more as Luke’s. 

And I dunno if Luke could be described as sentimental over objects…that’s seemingly Kylo’s trait.

And just like lightsabers, first Luke had blue milk, now he has green. I’m actually kinda shocked other fans aren’t more upset that Luke is robbing some poor little sea calf of his dinner. 

Or how untidy he’s become. Aunt Beru taught him to keep his face clean, even on dirty ole Dagobah.

Overall, I was happy with his reunion with Chewie, the Falcon, R2, the holo-clip of Leia from ANH, and his lessons to Rey. Although I am very much looking forward to the deleted scene of the third lesson and deciding if its deletion was a good or bad thing.

I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped when Yoda showed up to have a little chat with Luke, troll him and give him some advice at the same time. And it’s good advice. The sort you could play on repeat when you’re having a bad day (do I hear a new bad lipsync yet???)

Finally, I guess the only other elephant in the room, is Luke choosing to stay on Ahch-To instead of leaving with Rey.

I admit, in theaters the first time, I was a little, “Ah, Luke, come on, help already, don’t be that way grumpy Pooh bear” about it. But not devastated, cause I reasoned this was a plot device, so someone could be left to save the other heroes later on.

Also, if Luke had left with Rey, we would have, IMO, gotten into repeat ANH and TFA plotlines, aka mentor character runs around base-like setting with newbies. (Or even, possibly TPM with mentor character and apprentice chasing baddie into a corner like area, only to have mentor die.) It might have been cool, but I’ve yet to see a description of this scenario that I like better than what actually happened in TLJ or one that doesn’t rob Rey of scenes or power as a character.

At the end of day, I like the miraculousness of Luke’s return on Crait. ‘Cause for me, as a spiritual person, it means, if you boil down Luke Skywalker as a character, he’s still a Christ-like figure. I could probably write you a whole thesis on the comparisons of Luke appearing to everyone on Crait being similar to Christ appearing to his followers after the crucifixion (someone out there probably will)(Im-gonna-wait to write the thesis on Kylo being like Paul, I guess). But, yeah, it defied my expectations of what Luke would and could do. Especially if he knew doing so would possibly kill him. Definition of a true hero.

His “fight” (arguably final lesson) with Kylo, even though they never really lock blades, takes my breath away. I didn’t think SW could top the snow fight in TFA, but now I’m tied with the Praetorian Guards for *fangirls* “the good parts” (aka the scenes I will lazily watch over and over on Youtube ‘cause Bluray startup is just too many seconds to wait).

Yup, I did tear up a bit when Luke fades away. But, honestly, I couldn’t have imagined a better, more peaceful way for Luke to go. In ANH when he first looks into the double sunset, I always had this feeling that he was searching for something more. To end his character’s journey with the same double sunset, really felt like that search was over. It was perfect.

But, I got a feeling seeing Force Ghost Luke is going to be pretty cool *wink wink*.

[rqs902]

.

ah hyt’s issues with being too passive and not wanting to speak up about problems bc he’s worried about hurting other people’s feelings reminds me of what happened to jin fan on snzm this week :\ except hyt had to figure it out on his own bc no one else noticed and he didnt say anything about it to anyone. jin fan was urged to speak up but hyt had to mull it over in his head and stress over it until he could come to the decision that he needed to do something to help his team.

i respect that he came to that decision on his own and acted on it. as someone who’s relatively passive and conflict-avoidant myself, i think that takes a lot of resolve and courage. 

aw im happy xiao li got to sing too bc i really like his voice. what a talented boy! i think hyt is lucky the two of them give off the kind/gentle vibes so that he can pull them together. i dont know much about him, but i wonder if gem is right that hes had bad experiences with communicating with teammates (and aligning their hearts, as he said) before that’s led him to be more scared to be honest now. the 2 kids are like optimistic but you can tell hyt is so worried with their score ouch. 

wu xing’s voice is nice. im a wind player but with my limited knowledge of string instruments I feel like pengpeng’s playing is okay but not amazing. fsc’s bass is questionably out of tune?? or is it just me? something feels weird about his bass playing, it sounds kinda scratchy and sticks out to me too much, in like a weird way :\ but maybe its just because im used to hearing bass in classical music and not like this

LOL qiang ge being the buffer between jym and zk, are you sure youre gonna be okay child? the more i see qiang ge, the more smol he seems to me, like a cute child, who just happens to play the most blaring instrument LOL he seems very insecure about belonging on this show. he didnt want people to choose him unless they were absolutely sure in the first round, and then in the second round, he was so scared of ruining the next group that chose him and so grateful that they were willing to choose him and that they gave him so much encouragement to join their group. the fact that he needed that much encouragement and still felt undeserving is telling. the matching photo tshirts he custom ordered are cute! what a nice friend, to spend money on this to make everyone a little happier. i think its mature of him to encourage jym by saying he should think of the worst possible happening and try to accept it, to lessen his pressure. its still weird for me to realize people call zzn “nan ge” because he just seems so young in my mind lol but then you realize there are even younger kids on this show.

zhao ke’s rap was pretty good, i respect it. with that score i bet qiang ge’s gonna feel like it’s all his fault. i wonder if he blames himself or the instrument more for the fact that he was criticized for being too unvaried, but i feel like either of those is bad bc i feel like he should be proud of his instrument. 

aw maomao’s message and ljt’s response hahahhaha 

LOL ljt playing “who” and cutting it off abruptly. gao xin tai LOL 

ljt’s group’s perf def felt more complete. his voice is so nice, i still love it. i will say, i remember zhao tianyu sang this song on mrzz. i wonder if ljt remembers that too. 

hmm i really liked kxy’s singing voice, i thought it was really good, nicer than mz’s LOL but honestly i feel like i also understand from the teacher’s point of view, that he wasted their time and just didnt take their advice when they were trying to help him. hmm he seems likes hes very stubborn in doing what he believes, which isnt bad, he’s standing up for what he wants, but also then he immediately started crying when questioned about it. which makes me think hes not very confident in his choice and/or feels victimized/attacked for just doing what he wants. either way, kxy has shown he cries very easily lol. but i have mixed feelings about whether he’s handling criticism well. im not sure how old he is but he seems young 

LOL muji and swh just being like DELETE to wjy and being like straight up “it sounds bad” HAH im glad at least having two of them on the same page can put wjy in his place more LOL 

during the perf was muji holding the pick in his mouth? lol muji is such a 寶藏 with the bass guitar along with all his unique talents. this was a pretty epic perf, i thought theyd get a better score than that.

hm interesting that the uptown funk people told them tencent they needed to pay them more and tencent DIDNT, but they were still nice enough to approve their use of the song anyway bc of their “sincere” messages. wtf tencent. im pretty sure they have money to pay them more lol.

i kinda think yrz still seems a bit stiff to me onstage, like look at xiao zhi, hes literally so comfortable and free and hes so enjoying playing his bass guitar hes like having so much fun and is super into the music. at first i wasnt sure how well him and zy would mesh but wow hes really owned up to the avocado name LOL i feel like him and zy are really really caring older bros to yrz and hopefully yrz is super grateful bc he got super lucky. 

LOL TYLER FREAKING OUT OVER YRZ’S SMILE 

“NA GE XIAO RONG!!!!” 

HAHAHHAHAHAH 

i think it does say a lot that this perf got everyone like on their feet and grooving along, i see why they ranked 1st! 

kinda sad wsh was like yea no ones gonna notice us and then tencent proceeds to give them 5 seconds of practice room footage and the mentors are all shocked by the lowness of their score

hm :\ i kinda wanted to hear more about how they resolved the conflict between rainbow feeling too restricted by da xi’s more methodical approach to music. i think thats an interesting discussion, because i think both sides have their merits, so what kind of blend of a compromise will they come up with? and it does say a lot about their personalities. rainbow also feels similarly hesitant to reveal his feelings because of his friendship with da xi, which reminds me of hyt yet again but then this group got 5 seconds of footage in comparison so we dont really know how any of this got resolved. also how do they deal with mty sleeping and disappearing all the time?? i do think its kind of cute how mty seems to bend down and really direct his speaking towards the audience when talking to them. i really like their performance, this music style and fun-ness!

LOL the way ruiyang and yingge look at tyler is literally with such adoration wtf hahahahahaa and tyler buying them the bunny hats wtf this is so cute. feels very parental LOL theyre so supportive of him and helping him shine and tyler’s just like a child bringing them happiness LOL i think its notable that yingge says he feels like theyre all using their strengths in this perf bc thats #goals 

why do i feel like tyler and ruiyang ave absorbed yingge’s fashion LOL

THIS AESTHETIC 

i think u can tell like they (yingge?) put a lot of effort into communicating with the production team about their stage design. its not just about the music for them. lol this perf is shot like a music videoooo

ok im hesitant to comment on tyler’s trumpet playing bc it’s not very clean sounding to me, but you can tell hes putting a lot of effort into the small details still. and if hes been practicing a ton, i know it can be painful to try to play into that kind of mouthpiece cleanly with tired lips. he has yet to amaze me but it seems like he’s working hard so i respect that. hes also very lucky to be in a group with two supportive geges. like ps said, i think it is notable that ruiyang is doing so well in a genre of music he wasnt previously into. and yingge’s personality must be some kind of strong to really influence the other 2 so much 

aw tyler crying out of happiness and ruiyang just bursting out laughing and pats tyler’s head with a “早講嗎!" bc he was worried about tyler being sad hahahahaha he just sounded so taiwanese there it made me happy. aw tyler must be really well loved by all the geges who crowd him with hugs when they see him crying like xiao zhi ahahah

oof samhar being brought to tears when gem notes how hard he worked on the composition. (oo xiao zhi helped him! - that’s it, im curious how old he is, so i went to his weibo and he’s just a little older than me! born in 95. but then i saw he and zy have made some conflict-confronting posts today and im like .-. what happened? not sure whats up, but it seems like theyre generally okay, fans seem mad tho) 

actually tbh totally makes sense to me why xiao zhi, rainbow, and yingge’s groups are the top 3 in that order, like their stages were really good and memorable. 

ouch qiang ge feeling all the guilt and like he doesn’t have the skills to do better :( why is the show ok with jym acting this way? why is there a lack of communication that leads him to not understand what’s going on with the votes? they chase after him, he’s moping, they just film him and are barely encouraging enough to get him to come back at the very last minute. im sure he’s very frustrated but its also unprofessional and disrespectful of him to leave like that. how does that make his group mates feel that hes just gone? this is all very questionable to me. 

wait i havent been keeping up with their current rankings but wtf the kids who are like super worried are like ranked super high??? like im assuming they’ll be fine?? like jym and hyt’s group members are all relatively high... (I realize now why hyt got so much screentime LOL hes #1....) im surprised tyler is so low and i wonder if he’ll get more popular after this ep lol 

anyyywayyy so it looks like they’re having a party and elims next week so im sure thatll be an emotional roller coaster... and snzm is having elims next week too so thats just great... double the disaster 

[chickenfetus]

ALL MY EGG (and for the four names: jae, killer kang, minhyuk (whichever one), and santa

deadass i did the 100 questions ask meme for this ask and almost posted it rip

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

theres literally nothing i dont even know what to say ???? 

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

not 2 be delusional but i would give up my world to hug changkyun

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

glaceon is UP THERE idk why honestly but the sinnoh games were my first and i just??? i was really into ice and snow and shit u know so glaceon... thakn u

another pkmn ill always have is lucario ????? its just so cool?????

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

hopefully forgiveness and like???? acknowledging mistakes and learning from those u know jst positive stuff and like?? water. god i love water

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

hm okay i think this one was from last night or the night b4??? and like???? idk???? i dont even know how 2 start tbh?

so im like hanging over at this two kid’s im a kid 2 i think place and idk we just talk and shit??? idk whomst the boys were tho

and then we get to a scene where its like??? at a train station???? and i go to the washroom to shit or smth idk thankfully i didnt shit myself irl

then i have to get onto the train which isnt even a train its like a carousel with seats??? and its like on a train track boys this is 2 much and i forgot to get ready my train card thing so the guy (who i was p sure was evil) waited for me to remove it so i got onto the transportation device lmao

and then once im seated i remember i forgot my jacket so i make like hand movements 2 the creep and hes runnig 2 me with my jakcet but the ride’s way too fast so i yell and say ill come back for it even tho im p sure i wasnt going 2

after that i wke up wild

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

i dont have a best friend and all of my friends have their own unique qualities if i went into a rant abt them rn this will b so long

😘 talk about your crush or partner

[minhyuk voice] theres none

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

ya bc im petty but it really depends on the person

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

my personality (the good parts)

my values

my taste in friends (my Big Friends are either geminis or scorpios good)

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

the dark and bitch isnt gonna turn off her night light any time soon

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

seeing my favourite happy, listening to the music i like 

💙 what annoys you about some people?

i jjust went into a full out rant abt this on the other reply so ill be quiet now

😤 do you get angry easily?

yeahhhhh 

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

my faves tbh

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

bad people , gone.

everybody only sends love and happy things on anon

i just want everyone 2 b nice & friendly wars of any sort dont exist and no one wants anybody dead

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

if u sent jae’s name earlier id have trouble so im glad

kiss: tihis is so fucking embarrassing wtf minhyku (mx) but only on the cheek basically everywhere except the lips or anyplace weird

befriend: brian :-0

kill: jae goodbye loser

marry: sanha we can yell every time we gotta turn the lights off

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

tokyo bc its NICE

☕️ talk about your ideal day

cant read

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

i suddenly thought of the word ambivore which made me think of the word vore i wanna delete im a both? mayb idk

💧 when was the last time you cried?

nov 3 bc my heart hurts whenever i see ppl being a bad friend

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

oh worm

all alone - day6

with you - astro

dramarama - mx (even though it isnt out yet lmao)

run - bts (the superior bts song)

hellevator - / (i was rly gonna make this mixed languages but rip)

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

to fly bc im basic

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont do that

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

nobody in general????????? 

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

intelligence i have 2 live somehow what if my money gets stolen

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

my humor

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

i (barely) know chinese despite having 2 take it all my life legends only

i know english but im bad at that 2 and its my first language once again legends only

i wanna learn japanese and korean 

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

the cow from voltron 

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

weve already discussed this

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

oh w-0rm ok so im a regular anon on this persons blog and i wanted to send an ask but never got arnd doing it so im gonna send her one. soon/

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

let me live my life as a furry and cat

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

are u ready 4 me to b the meanest person yet bc i sure am lets fucking go

so theres this girl. and i know her (unfortunately) and ive known her since like 4 years ago and back then she was already pretty shit tbh

she cried bc she had to sit in between the “weird” and “dirty” girls in our class and she headass cried in front of them and everyone just bc she didnt like the arrangement?? shes called the “dirty” girl disgusting before and has made fun of her in front of everybody its just bad :-/

now. fast forward 3 years and in addition to still being disrespectful and rude, she now vocalizes her weird fantasies for her “oppas”??? some examples: 

“when i go watch __ perform im gonna climb onto stage and then my mother and my future husband will fight for me” and she calls those kpop idols weird shit and basically sexualizes them/???? she says the weirdest fucking shit on her ig story and tags them??????? 

another thing. she went to korea nd took a picture of a complete stranger and posted it on her public ig and called him her “oppa” and said that they had a “fun day together” despite the guy not knowing her at all???? she posted the pic of him??? i still dont get it tbh 

she wasnt even being ironic at all??? she calls herself & classmates “autistic” whenever she/others do smth dumb or mess up and its just sososososo fucking wrong

being one of the people to see how shes basically grown from bad to worse is something i dont fucking enjoy and i jsut want to leave my class already lmao 

ok but there are times where i do appreciate her because sometimes the class will be rly quiet and the teacher is basically talking 2 themselves but she’ll always respond w/o fail so thats great but its only bc she talks so damn much 

i just got a flashback to when she “jokingly” said she wanted to be a trainee for the rest of her life how do i just. god

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

we’ve once again already discussed this

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

i wanted to be various things honestly?? ranging from an astronaut to a vet to an editor to an animator to other stuff i get influenced pretty easily so if i watch smth and i think its cool ill want 2 be that i guess?? ive been trying 2 get rid of that habit so now i have no clue what i wanna be

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

sweets and chocolate cake

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

drinking water and staying hydrated

making my friends laugh is great 2

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

acne LMAO 

😪 what are you sick of?

the usual

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

i love scouting on sif and bandori so yeah 

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

lets not 

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

to a certain extent

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

use my phone???? send nice anons and comment on art/fics 

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

none

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

my tolerance for ppl’s shit is so low

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

my ocs

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

i dont have a dream hence myself

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

infpt i dont rmb shit but yeah

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

falen i dont rmb what u sent

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

i dont follow any :-o zendaya has had my heart ever since shake it off tho

🐴 opinion on day6?

ur rly gonna do this 2m e?

all alone just started playng this is terrible lets get it

so day6. a band i only found out about in late june (thank u boxy) and before this i only ever listened to bts and mx bc my friends stan them so i thought i was gonna expect boys dancing, the usual. 

i clicked i smile and i lost my fucking shit as soon as i saw the instruments because prior to day6 i was a big 5sos fan so this was rly resonating to me tbh and i was just !!! so fukcng excited??? i never intended to even get into day6 honestly??? but after witnessing how good they are and watching about all of the available mvs at that point i was completely in awe so i caved a created a stan twitter for them.

now, this isnt even the most of it. after becoming a fan i realized how much more these 5 boys are. they compose (if im not wrong) and brian writes lyrics for the songs each month because of their everyday6 project and again, im wow-ed because??? the amount of dedication???? they went from releasing 2 title tracks in 2 years to releasing 12 title tracks and 12 bside tracks in a single year. they havent released the december song yet but haviing to work on 2 or more songs in 4 weeks is fucking amazing if you ask me. 

theyre really talented and theyre just so versatile (am i using that word correctly) and each month their songs sound different. this project has given them the opportunity to try new things and you can hear the steady improvement in each of their vocals (dowoonie not so much since he barely gets lines, but we all know hes working hard) and if you listen to their debut song - kongchu and compare it to the version they released along with sunrise it just???? the drumming has even changed from the original version nd its so noticeable that whenever i hear kongchu from 2015 i know its the old ver

to add to those, they do vlives every week and although those vlives are always scheduled it still makes my day seeing them and watching them do the usual. 

one thing im upset about is that how they barely promote themselves, they rarely get on variety shows (the most is individual schedules) and we, as mydays never really get to know the boys so its harder to fall for them as a whole. i dont know if its jyp or day6′s decision but if this is how they want to be known for - their music only, then so be it. we still have jae’s presence on youtube, music access and asc. thats the most we can get and it makes it difficult for us to learn about the rest but thats okay.

another thing. their concerts are something i always look forward to (even though my interest has died down a bit;) their concerts are just so fun to listen to?? there’ll always be mydays who stream the concert so everyone else can listen to them play and they sound so good live it drives me crazy. mydays are always so hyped and whenever mydays sing along it just gives me goosebumps??? bc theyre so???? good????? 

tldr; day6 deserve more, following wise and promotions wise because they work so hard and once this project ends i hope they’ll manage to rest but still remain as a presence that will be known instead of returning to jyp’s dungeon.

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

there are days where i am more emotional than usual 

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

this is tiring

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

i sleep and boy it really helps

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

rest

🌍 which country do you live in?

singapore

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

lame funny swag

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“rocky swag” - park minhyuk, 2017

💭 do you keep a diary?

nope

💫 who inspires you?

brian kang 

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

yes bc i love losing sleep

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

terrible

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

i watched spiderman homecoming and i have no idea why i didnt see the plot twist coming but its GOOD watch it

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

theres none lads

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

all my internet buddies but sometimes i dont want to bc im kinda....gross

[ismybadday]

answering your post and some of the comments:

1. aang mastered 4 elements and avatar state in less than a year and he was super cool in all of them, he learned how to properly use all elements not just by “throwing” water/fire/rocks/air at enemies as korra does; it can work in sport, but not actual fight. everybody already forgot beautiful moves aang and all benders used to learn so hard in AtLA? u can’t just smash water/fire/rock/air and try compare yourself to any bender from first avatar team ffs; tensis is a real master, remember his fight w zaheer, that’s what air fight should look like;

2. plus aang was mastering his skills while war: when 50% of people tried to get him and bring to fire lord; and btw while hiding from fire nation; practicing magic; searching for teachers himself, he also helped everybody he met! while korra has all help and protection and provided with anything she needs. don’t talk about her being isolated from “real”world, that’s not an excuse she suck in magic! she can’t use lightning’s, metal magic(she learns later, but not while growing up), blood magic or even stay strong against it! and the thing about she is blamed in press or people are not always grateful? did people always loved aang?? many hated him, one village had holiday when they burned his statue? and that’s a small example; korra had an emotional roller-coaster? like when you find out your nation is destroyed and everyone you knew or loved are dead?

3. she didn’t save world 3 times:

3.1. amon tried to take over only ONE city and aang literally showed korra what to do to bring back magic+ she had 3 elements “mastered” by that time and still amon easily took her magic away? just like that?? even mako didn’t let amon touch himself, while being only a fire bender(and not as good as any of zukos family or aang); oh and btw she didn’t win over him, since he escaped easily the city, leaving her with no fire/water/earth magic, you call that a win??

3.2. unalaq: she doesn’t let her father explain anything, she acts like a child all the time, while screaming: im the avatar: it’s for me to decide! and etc; she 90% of time doesn’t try to listen to her teacher - tenzin(or anyone tbh), did aang ever disrespected his masters?? emm nope; when she can’t make air magic, she says it’s tenzins fault and changes teacher to unalaq, just cause:im the avatar: it’s for me to decide! well she fucked up herself and without jinora she would have lost tbh; cause she couldn’t reach light in “dark avatar”, while jinora did; and she got lost in spirit world, cause she tried to attack spirits and her emotions are taking over all the damn time; when aang meets spirit of forest and soka got kidnapped he tries to talk and understand spirit, not just burn him or scream at him as korra does; he doesn’t know how to turn dark spirit back to normal, but still stays positive and calm and t a l k s; btw van closed portals while they were connected, korra didn’t managed to do so while they were separated?? and i love her transformation into a 5 y/o, shows exactly what she is most of the time

3.3. zaheer: never tried to destroy world??? he wanted to destroy political leaders?? it’s not the same as world?? and wtf u mean epic battle w zaheer? he literally was just flying away from her and then tried to leave her breathless( not really a battle imo even tho korra showed good skill that one time, it’s still can’t be called battle since well zaheer didn’t fight??) and yeah, she didn’t win that time either, since air nation saved her ass, when zaheer was taking air from her, and even tho she was “busy” w poison, she still didn’t save anyone; mako finished ming-hua, bolin and mako finished ghazan, p’li died because of beifong sisters; i understand korra was “busy” at that moment, but don’t call it “she saved the world again”, cause well, she didn’t :)

4. lastly; you say that, korra never had time to recover after battles? aang was fighting all the time. he and his friends never were safe, they had to stay focused all the time and nobody gave aang time after azula almost killed him, or after he lost appa, or after he lost his nation and all friends; he was in the middle of war and he didn’t even have time for his own feelings, only time he was fed up, was when appa was kindnapped and still he did all he could to find him, not just sat on his ass saying shit like:i can’t do it, im scared and other shit korra saying all the time; aang is a child, surrounded with other children, and sometimes older masters or grown up people (rare occasions) trying to save world; korra is almost not a teen, surrounded with almost grown up friends, grown ups and old masters, first avatar team members,white lotus and fucking parents!! all the time, and she lives peacefully till 16 and 3 years after zaheer, nobody touches her too??

5. she lost connection with previous avatars and there is no one to lead her: who’s fault it was? she had 16 years to train and master it, since she knew shes and avatar since 5?? she could connect before, and she wouldn’t get her magic back without aang too and wouldn’t understand shit without van, almost all cool things she does were help of previous avatars and people around;

and i’m not saying she’s the worst avatar, since we clearly know only about few of them, but she def is worse than aang;

Korra is the weakest Avatar BS!

So I’ve come across the belief that Korra was the weakest Avatar!

(this isn’t it going to be an Aang v’s Korra post, just a defence of her)

The argument being that Aang mastered all four elements within a year, he learned how to energy bend, use sonic resonance and stopped a raging world war.

My answer to that it, up until his rather unusual circumstances, it was customary to notify the avatar of their destiny at 16.. Avatar Roku leaves the fire nation at 16 and returns at some point in his mid 20s, nearly a decade later.

Korra is found at the age of 5 being able to bend 3 elements already, with no training.

Even Roku and Aang needed to be shown the fundamentals of the other elements.

* Aang struggled with earth bending, due to it being the opposite element to his own.. Standing to reason that fire 🔥 would be the element Korra would struggle with, but she doesn’t, its Air, which makes her unique.

Korra also learned how to spiritbend and metal bend, being the first Avatar to do so.

Some people argue, Aang stopped a world war, Roku took on the Pompeii of volcanoes, prevented Sozin from starting the war.

Kyoshi created an island to save her people ( I have a lava bending theory but that’s for later)

We have very little to go off, what the previous avatars faced, but I got the impression that whilst Republic city was being created n civil unrest in the protectorates was on going, Yakone’s gangsta shit, the whole world was hardly in danger.

We know very little of what Roku faced in his life, other than keeping an eye on Sozin. And Kyoshi staight up wouldn’t hesitate to cut a bitch. We know the previous waterbender Avatar turned out to be a bit of a slacker..

In the space of Four years Korra saves the world on 3 separate occasions!

Amón,

Unalaq and the spirits

Zaheer and his revolutionaries

She does this n yet is blamed by the press, dragged through the mud, vilified and abused by the very people she’s trying to protect

Her biggest failing is her naivety, impulsiveness and keenness to help.

Up until this point she has lived a very secluded life. She barely knows how the real world works.

This is taken advantage of by the very adults who should be looking out for her, ie, her uncle unalaq, councilman tarloq. Both betray her, both helping to cause a civil war shifting the blame onto the shoulders of a very sheltered teenage girl

Barely 6 months passes between amon and the water tribe civil war. Immediately on the heels of that, Zaheer and his revolutionaries start their shenanigans.

In barely 18 months she has had her bending taken, been tricked into pissing off the spirits World. She’s had at least 3 attempts on her life and is still suffering the effects of being poisoned. Not to mention emotionally she has been on a roller-coaster, never having chance to address the ptsd she’s suffering from.

Even Aang had a long rest after defeating Fire Lord Ozai to recover and heal from the emotional and physical toil.

Korra’s been putting out fires constantly since she got to Republic city, all the while in the face of people chipping away at her confidence, and feeling all alone.

No wonder, at the end of book 3, she is emotionally and physically exhausted and abandons her post.

Some people argue that Kuvira wouldn’t not have happened if Korra had stayed. Korra was in no mental state, suffering from depression and ptsd.

Yes, Korra not being there gives rise to Kuvira stepping up to the plate in luí of the Avatar.

But once again Korra relies on adults to help take the load and is let down. Such as Sú Yin and Tenzin..

Sú Yin shirks her responsibilities, stopping Kuvira, pulling a Sozin. This is because Sú Yin is afraid to take the reins as she believes that she too, would turn into a tyrannical despot.

The difference is, Korra comes back and deals with Kuvira , where as Roku avoided Sozin entirely.

After dealing with yet another threat on the world, after 4 years of constant aggro, Korra deserved some R&R with her sweet girlfriend.

So, anyone else want to turn round n tell me she’s the worst and/or weakest Avatar…

Fight me!

[unicornninjabitch]

Follower: literally no one asked for a depressing ass life update

Me; …… lol you wild anyways

I hate not being able to ask for help and i hate not being able to stand up for myself. Growing up i was thrown into a lot of fights between my parents and i always felt like i had to pick a side and stick to it and i usually sided with my mom for reasons we dont gotta get into rn so me and my mom have been super close like my whole life. She was all I had for most of my life because i was a kid playing parent since my mom worked a lot and my dad wanted to do whatever he wanted, so imagine little me barely out of elementary school trying to make sure my 5 year old brother is doing homework and the angry 8 year old isnt being a complete asshole to the 5 year old. I never really got to just be a kid cause i was making sure the house wouldnt fall apart under our feet, so now that im being thrown to the wolves as far as growing up goes I don’t think its fair that when i ask for help i get looked down on and belittled and get looked at like im some stupid kid, like, i was never allowed to just be a stupid kid so how come now that im 18 and dont know how to do everything immediately am i suddenly a stupid kid who probably cant make it in the real world? Its bullshit and not fair. Tbh its not just that i cant ask for help with cause growing up i thought asking for help meant weakness and i had to be strong cause i was the oldest and asking for help meant stressing out my mom even more than she was cause she had a hard time putting food on the table by herself.

As for standing up for myself, okay i havent hidden that my mom hasnt been supportive in any way after i came out cause i try to cover it up with humor, but like, she was my best friend for so many years when i had no one else to lean on (and thats a story for another day tbfh) she was like all i had. She was supportive of my writing even when it sucked and when i wanted to be a teacher but its like she did a 180 or some shit. Okay so when i switched to wanting to do psych she was kinda like “okay but make sure a certificate will be transferable or whatever” and one time i said how i THOUGHT about MAYBE doing english as a major cause i love writing and i thought maybe i could start up a publishing company that mostly published books centered around minorities cause that seemed like something id enjoy tbh, but she shitted all over even the thought of majoring in english just like “What job could you possibly get with an english degree?” and her friend, with an english degree, told me an English degree is basically useless and like??yes i understand english isnt the most employable degree but maybe i want more to life than a job, maybe i wanted to do something im passionate about or something (dont get me wrong im really passionate with my current career path but still it was an idea i was really into and wanted to learn more about and i still wanna double major but besides the point) I couldnt even explaing why i was thinking about that major i kinda defulted to head down, shoulders drop, say “yeah maybe you gotta point” and like thats not fair to me i dont think. That was the start of the slippery slope of her becoming more and more unsupportive with everything i do. I didnt apply to that many schools and most the final 2 were Elizabethtown College and University of Bridgeport, Etown was way more expensive and i kinda didnt want to go there tbh but they said i could apply for free so i did. Now for college i did EVERYTHING myself. I looked up colleges, compared prices and scholarships, took notes on all the majors and minors i thought i could want, applied on my own and anything else I did by myself. Looking back i realize i probably shouldve applied to more schools or looked more at the professors or something, but i didnt cause i didnt know to, but she gave me such a hard time with UB. She complained about everything about it until i finally said “fine ill just go to county and then Rutger or something” (which isnt a bad plan and wouldve saved me a shit ton of money but i wanted to get tf away from jersey) Thats when she said fine and said she’d help financially (even though the loans getting transfered to my name after i graduate but okay). So there was kinda a wedge in our relationship but nothing huge we were still pretty close but we just ignored certain subjects like school and shit. Then in the summer she gave me hell for not working like we agreed i wouldnt work during the school year cause i speant so much of junior year wanting to kill myself and was so fucking depressed we, as in the both of us, decieded on that, than in the VERY begining of summer i broke my fucking ankle, so i couldnt really walk anywhere and i dont drive (side note, i hate when driving gets brought up because just sitting behind the wheel gives me so much anxiety, like yes its a good skill to have but i cant drive so please leave me alone i hate myself for it enough) Plus i speant a majority of the summer super depressed and anxiety ridden and kinda scared about a lot of stuff.So it was nice to hear i was lazy and ungrateful when somedays it took everything to get out of bed to feed myself let alone clean up around the house. Also as a certified Millennial™  I cover my self hatred and depression with jokes and memes o the one day i make a joke about it and she said “you dont really hate yourself, you wouldnt know what that feels like” Okay 1. I most definetly hate myself just cause i dont walk around super edgy and emo doesnt mean i stopped critizing my every action, just cause you dont notice me not letting myself eat/eating everything in sight doesnt mean i dont wish i looked like literally anything else. No i hate myself i just cover it up so fuck off.

Then theres coming out (which gets its own paragraph cause its a fucking mess). I came up via a letter that i left in her room and she didnt say anything for maybe a week so i speant a week with my defult being panic attack or “maybe everythings gonna be okay i mean she hasnt really said my name i dont think and maybe everythings okay and youre just freaking out for nothing” but nope we had a talk and if you dont know apperently you have to know right out of the womb that your trans. My moms best friend has a niece whos trans and she was given so much shit from the adults in her life just and still does (this kids literally 14 and they treat the poor girl like such shit its awful) and i was never into sterotypical “boy things”. I didnt like sports other than soccer but only for fun, I was very much the quiet kid who usually had his nose in a book, so i think that mixed with seeing this little girl treated like trash by people we both loved and looked up to (cause my moms best friends family is kinda like a second family to me) i never thought that could ever be me. Later in life i questioned my sexuality and looking at a bunch of terms and things some of them related to me, but i thought no ill put that on the back burner for now just cause maybe im just projecting/thinking about it too much rn. Then even later in life Kate came out to me and we talked and i noticed some similarities in what she said to what i felt, so i looked up terms and definitions and took online quizzes almost all day everyday to figure out what was going on with me. Almost as long as i known Kate shes been my safe person, especially with this just in case I realized no this isnt who i am or whatever, but either way Kate was a huge support and great person to rely on and my fears and other stuff. After more constant quizzes and reading and asking myself if i just wanted to be a *~special snowflake~* and testing waters and shit I decieded yes this is who i am...shit im gonna have to come out. My mom basically said “you arent trans, youre making this up and being ridiculous. Im not calling you that name and i wont call you he/him and that hurt a lot. Like she didnt even say Alexander she said “whatever name you put”. Mind you im absolutely heart broken cause i thought if anyone my mom would be supportive. She offered if Kate ever wanted she could crash with us and she calls her best friends niece the right name, but when it came to me she thought it was fake. Now at this point im trying not to cry out loud and im clenching my jaw so hard it hurt till the next afternoon. I dont know if its just me or what, but it feels like after that shes rubbing it in. It feels like shes using my birth name more and saying she/her and shit. She also acted like i was an idiot like i know that changing my name is a process, but she also said if any of my college stuff had Alexander on it she wouldnt help pay for it which really hurt. I really try to ignore/avoid her just cause it hurts less than figurative slaps to the face its like, *slap* girl, *slap* birthname, *slap* liar, *slap* making it up, *slap* thats not how it works, *slap* youre being disrespectful as hell, *slap* you arent a boy *fucking uppercut*, but i cant always ignore her which leads to tonight.

My cousins had like a little party for their birthday and it was awful for me (in their defense im not out to them but still it makes me super uncomfortable but its not their fault really). We looked at baby pictures so it was a lot of “omg look how pretty you were” and “oh my goodness i love that dress you look so beautiful there” Then my hair, of course got brought up and people were like “oh you know girls are so much prettier with long hair” and “when are you gonna grow it back out like hers?” (cause you know girls HAVE to have long hair *sarcasm*) so i just kinda awkwardly laugh and change the subject. Of course my moms pointing out all the pictures of me in a dress or with long hair or whatever. Then it was super fun picture time!! I hate pictures (that i dont take cause those are under my control and shit) for a lot of reasons. I always feel like i look fat and i notice everything thats “feminine” about my body and we already went over the self hate thing but still i hate pictures and im visibly uncomfortable while theyre happening. Someone says “oh stop youll love them in 20 years” like or ill hate them cause ill remember being so uncomfortable and so ready to walk home and ill remember not being able to forget that my whole family will probably always think im a girl no matter what i do. Then we get on to college. Im the first to go to college and everyone was like where are you going, what are you majoring in blah blah blah. So i answer their questions and be a polite kid. And everytime someone asked when i was leaving my mom jumped on it “3 weeks from today!!” like shit so by the end of the night my binders starting to get uncomfortable, im socially tired, ive been uncomfortable for 20 minutes, and im hating the amount of hugs im getting cause i can feel my boobs more than and shit. So someone said something about me leaving so i was like “you still have like a month” and of course my mom goes “3 weeks!!” so im fucking annoyed by everything and like just ready to go to CT now so im like “we get it your counting down the days i leave” and she got an attitude so i turn to my uncle and say im about to make it 2 weeks and shes like how about 1? So i just shrug and say okay bye like im unfazzed right now. Then we go drop my brother off at our dads and as soon as we pull away shes yelling at me about my “attitude lately” like what??!! Youve ruined so much for me lately im allowed to be angry! You destroyed my confidence about coming out. You made me feel like something was wrong with me. YOU completely destroyed our relationship and maybe i did too, but you know what?! Im completely justified in being uncomfortable around you! When my 14 year old brother (who has been really amazing and apologized for having to call me my birth name which he didnt have to cause he knew im only out to a handful of people but it was still sweet of him) asked how you were about this you said what you said to me which is fucking bullshit!! Youve treated me like shit lately and youll walk in and start nagging/complaining/yelling at me cause you dont know how to handle your angry which ive delt with for so fucking long!! Like when am i allowed to be mad at you?! When am i allowed to say no ive had it with your bullshit?!! But of course i dont know how to actual articulate this without a huge fight going off cause those just trigger a huge anxiety attack and shit and screaming and fighting is something i avoid at almost every cost because its scary to me fo a million and three reasons. Like im so ready to burry my ass in debt just to keep out of this house like i dont want to be anywhere near here. I dont wanna come home ever. I want to stay in CT forever just so i dont have to deal with this shit which i know probably isnt healthy but whatever i dont care anymore she gives me so much shit i dont care.

But i still feel guilty i guess. Ive never been ANGRY at my mom, i rarely fought with her, she was always my rock and i know what certain holidays, mostly Christmas, mean to her, but i dont know if i can bring myself to come home just to be around her so much and fall back into being called my birthname or she/her or whatever. I dont know i feel bad not wanting to come home because the boys moved in with our dad (which i cant do for reasons that dont need to be talked about atm) and i dont want to make her sad cause shes my mom, but i dont want to hurt myself because shes my mom, you know?

I dont care about our relationships, me being trans isnt going away a few years (which she told me we could revisit this in a few years like bitch what??!!) wont mean anything except me, once again, doing everything completely on my fucking own! Ill be alone and it feel like almost like i always be alone, like maybe ill go to CT and still wind up with the Fuck Up™ gene being very present in my life. Idk somedays i just feel like maybe no ones supposed to saty in my life, which i dont want to be true cause rn i have some amazing people in my life and im scared theyll leave too just meant to be abandoned and alone or something. The thing is im a sentimental, touch starved, emotional piece of shit and i really love people being consistent in my life and being left alone is such a huge fear of mine and i feel like some of my friends are already disappearing from my life (which i know happens and is natural especially after school but it still hurts to some degree ig)

So yeah lifes kinda full of bullshit right now and i cant wait to move out and study almost year round to avoid being home as much as possible and theres really no reason to this other than for me to complain about life and shit ig