#no consequences right? This feels like I’m in a game rn except normally I can keep myself from fatal mistakes just barely and recover enough
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ko-eko-ev-go-ms · 3 years ago
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*Shrivels into the void*
TFW you double check your stuff to make sure you’re doing things properly within the rules only to realize you misread the rules and have actually fucked everything up so your soul shrivels up and dies
#thoughts#oni talks#just continuing vent tags from the previous post dont mind me i just need to scream into the void for a bit#like ok even if there’s things I can do with myself in the worst case scenario that doesn’t really help me emotionally rn#because it doesn’t erase the failure aspect of things and the having to face consequences aspect. I’m also just kind of in shock too tbh#Like I really thought I’d had everything done well but no I just. I make one singular mistake and it literally corrupts everything. though#tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if I found out I actually made a bunch more mistakes and didn’t even know/realize. coz apparently that’s just#what I do now is make colossal mistakes and not even notice them in the moment. half of me wants to try to spin this into a positive and#start adjusting for that reality where I have to drastically change things. but the other half of me is just screaming begging for my#mistakes to be absolved and my failure to be minimized as much as possible. I know logically I will cope if it’s worst case scenario but idk#some parts of it I could cope with but other parts of it I don’t know if it’s possible to do so. I’m trying desperately rn to cling to the#idea that I can fix this last minute so I don’t have to deal with those consequences but like in my heart of hearts I know I’m not gonna#be actually able to do so and will just have to face the music. and now that I say that I just realized some more things that were d#definitely foreshadowing. how could I have been this blind to the signs of my impending doom? I pray that at the very least#worst case scenario this is like one of those failures I’ll end up glad that they happened later because it’s one of those events where x#had to happen so y could happen. which really has just been the last 2 years in a nutshell tbh. maybe more actually. I know I’ve grown by#the way that I’m handling this and I’m honestly fine. but there’s a big chunk of me that is absolutely terrified that things are going to#get a lot worse very quickly. Theres a post I made a few years ago at the height at one of those tower moments and it’s like#it’s exactly how I feel right now except I was in a much much MUCH worse place than I am now so my reaction to it is different#Genuinely praying that this ends up like that moment where there’s at least a light at the end of this failure tunnel. also after I#inevitably run out of tags on this I’m gonna go find that post to RB it bc I remember I literally reread it earlier like even a few days ago#and once again the foreshadowing of like oh hey yeah that’s me right now or oh that feels weird lot relatable even though that’s not now#but seriously why must the fates toy with me like this. I am so tired bro. Can y’all just stop testing me for once bro. I am tired man.#I’m already starting to accept the reality of the worst case scenario but god I don’t want to man. I know there’s a theoretical bright side#but once again I was not looking for this I want the original thing. the non failure version pls. this is like the opposite of that one time#where I tested myself and I proved a point to myself and was actually proud of myself even though I wasn’t perfect. Bc like at least there I#succeeded at something like no perfect grade or approval but hey. with this I succeeded at exactly nothing. I know I’m delaying the#inevitable rn since I know I’ll need to face consequences soon. since there’s really no option to stall past today. I mean I have at least#some standards okay. but damn if I’m not gonna stall at least a little bit in case there’s.. SOMETHING to fix it bc like if it’s fixed then#no consequences right? This feels like I’m in a game rn except normally I can keep myself from fatal mistakes just barely and recover enough
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celibatevegan · 4 years ago
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You should do all of them questions and 90 is true
I love you!!!!
1. Favorite instrument?
I work at a music store u can’t just ask me this. When my coworkers play it’s the saxophone or the flute, when the boys in the repair shop are testing repairs and they harmonize with each other or try to outplay one another it’s the bassoon or the trombone or whatever they’re fixing at the moment. When I hear 🎺 give his lesson on Wednesday afternoons it’s the trumpet, and when I think about middle school it’s the clarinet, the flute, the French horn. When I hear the nutcracker pas des deux is the oboe and when I hear edith piaf l’accordeoniste it’s the remarkable human voice. Really my favorite instrument is all of them, it just depends.
2. Favorite fic trope? Mutual pining 🥺
3. Sport you played for the longest amount of time? LMAO I wasn’t a sporty kid but I did ballet
4. Shoe size? 10-11
5. Most recent (good) dream? Uhh I had a dream last night about my coworker 🎹 it wasn’t bad though I can’t really remember what it was about
6. Last person in your DMs? smugg
7. Can you do a handstand? Nooo nooo lmaoo nooooo
8. Unpopular food opinion I don’t like oranges or red meat
9. Conspiracy you believe in? There’s some kind of weird weather dome in my hometown around the military base that makes most storms pass around us
10. Is your hair its natural color/style? Most of it is I dyed the bottom layer of my hair tho so it’s blonde rn
11. state a useless fact all that’s coming to mind is outright lies rn hold on. The inventor of pringles is buried in a pringles can that’s so fucking nasty omg
12. most interesting gossip you’ve heard? Idk I don’t really care for gossip uhhhh have u heard tho rin dippindogs is a huge gay hah she uhh she like men AND women lmao gaaay gaaaay
13. Middle name? Carolyn
14. Sexuality? Bisexual
15. Amount of sleep you got last night? Idk actually I think like 9-10 hrs tho I slept in until 11
16. Opinion on ice cream cake? Tasty!!!
17. Opinion on (cup)cake frosting? It’s depends buttercream is usually too sweet for me in large amounts so I prefer whipped cream frosting
18. Last board game you played? Idk??? We played hunt a killer tho last Thursday me n my family I guess that counts kinda
19. Project you want to start? I need ideas first baby
20. Project you’re working on right now? HAHAHAHAHAHA
21. TV show you’re watching? nothing rn I just rewatch bojack a lot if I watch anything
22. Last movie you watched? Lego batman I think
23. Ever left anon hate? Not legit hate
24. Ever left anon love? Yes all the time. Sometimes to strangers it’s my favorite thing to do
25. Best Disney movie? The princess and the frog
26. Best Pixar movie? Soul or Up I can’t decide
27. Best Star Wars? Um. Empire strikes back
28. Last thing you consumed? Fuit gumy
29. NoTP? Idk I don’t really hate ships unless they’re gross like pedophilic gross
30. story behind your (nick)name? When I was a fetus my great grandfather had a dream that my name should be Carolyn Marie but my parents were huge dweebs so they named me Marina after the actress of Deanna Troi in Star Trek. Idk about my nickname ive just always been Rina/Rin as long as I can remember
31. ice cream order? Lately it’s lemon sorbetto I know it’s SO high in sugar but I love it
32. describe your blog in <5 words I love you
33. how many blogs do you follow? 436
34. Describe your voice it depends usually I sound like a sick child but my customer service voice is really pleasant
35. Describe your smile it’s cute :)
36. What is the place you live known for? LMAOOO LMAO we have a military base nearby and like. I could go on abt that one but also like. There’s a lot of gang violence and a lot of the other consequences of poverty. People from the cities around us see us as “””ghetto””” or violent but it’s just. It’s more than that it’s always more than that. And idk what else there’s nothing really particularly special about this town except that we’re all here and not anywhere else
37. What is the place you’re originally from known for? (if they’re different)
38. pronouns? she/any idc
39. Languages you speak? English
40. first friend you made through tumblr? Idk. I probably don’t talk to them anymore :(
41. Person on tumblr you know in real life? my brother
42. First dog breed you think of shih tzu I have 2 next to me rn
43. room wall color? Purble!!!! The paint color is called grape juice that’s why I picked it!!!
44. Song that’s stuck in your head right now? It’s tricky to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme that’s right on time it’s trickyyyyy
45. Favorite number? 5, 34
46. Color you associate with your name? Red
47. Favorite jolly rancher flavor?watermelon
48. Pets? 2 dogs rocket and groot and 4 cats loki danni who r from the same litter and we raised from kittens, miss kitty who we adopted from a shelter after my boy blue moon passed away and ben (his real name is Kylo Ren thanks to my mom but I refuse to call him that) he is my little baby and he has 7 toes on his front paws
49. Collections? Hot wheels
50. Character outside of your fandom you’d marry? Girl what lmaooo idk
51. Character outside of your fandom you’d kill? That’s mean :(
52. Have you met any celebrities? NO thank god id have to kill on sight
53. Favorite time period in history? Itslian Renaissance & Romantic Era
54. What time is it right now? 2:35 am oops
55. History or future? Future but like . A good one. Or prehistory
56. Space or ocean? Space
57. Fears? Abandonment
58. Command + v and post. It’s this list of questions u don’t want that
59. Favorite season? Spring
60. Describe your aesthetic. Messy just a mess, neon and old buildings and things, antiques, countryside if there weren’t so many trump pence flags still lmaoo give uppp give up, nature just al of nature and space and places humans can’t touch and places they used to touch but can’t anymore
61. MBTI? Infp but I haven’t taken it in a few years
62. What’s your relationship with your family like? Normal.
63. “Biggest fan” in your tumblr activity? I’m in mobile hold on acc to tumblr it’s akky
64. Favorite musical? Sweeney todd
65. Comfort book? Idk how to read 💔💔💔 wuthering heights tho
66. Comfort movie? Whisper of the heart
67. OTP? Girl idk
68. BroTP? Joey and Tristan yugioh
69. AUs or canon compliant? Canon ig idk
70. Opinion on the person who’s sending the ask? It’s an anon!! But I love them
71. FMK + 3 characters anon didnt leave any characters and I was going to say something very bad but I won’t
72. Dream date? I’ve wanted to do this for a while but ideally it would be after we’d been together a while maybe even engaged or whatever, I wanna go to like a Home Depot or a furniture store and pretend to be married and looking for house paints and furniture and plan what our home is going to look like I wanna do that so bad. But idk for a first/early relationship date i really want to go to the zilker botanical garden it’s one of my favorite places, we could also go to the natural gardener which is a plant nursery in Austin I really love it there too and it’s not that far from zilker.
73. Relationship status? Single
74. Ever dyed your hair? Do you plan to? Yes and perhaps. Maybe
75. Dream job/career? Idk anymore I used to have big girl goals and I haven’t had any in a while. But when I was younger I wanted to be a game warden
76. Favorite band/singer? Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
77. Something that makes you soft/that you find adorable? My cats
78. The first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Buy a house
79. Are you superstitious? Yes
80. Character you project onto? Shizuku tsukishima
81. Fictional character you’ve had a crush on? Vergil devil may cry. Forever husband
82. Celebrity crush? LMAO
83. Person on here you’d date? my mutuals
84. Person on here you’d marry? 🥺 my mutuals
85. Person on here you’d throw into the void? Smugg
86. Other social media you have? I’ve got a photography insta that I barely use and a Twitter that’s just nintendo switch screenies that’s it
87. Finish the sentence: Due to personal reasons, ___________i will be passing away
88. Bad habit? I find it rlly hard to say no or like to say when and why I’m upset I don’t feel like for the latter I don’t feel like I should bring something that’s upsetting me up because I know I’ll get over it on my own and I don’t really trust myself to be upset about rational things. Idk I’m working on it
89. Three things you like about yourself? I’m hot, I’m kind, I’m resilient
90. Ily and you deserve the world I love you!!!!! YOU deserve it too!!!
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wetwellie · 5 years ago
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Your Name AU
(because i’ve seen this movie a bajillion times and it makes me feel things and i am FEELING THINGS about zimbits rn) (It probably won’t work, but i’m gonna make it work)
 Bitty is a guy who is trying to peacefully spend his last summer before heading off to college in peace. 
He spends his days working his part time job at his Aunt’s produce stand. 
and Baking
and playing club hockey twice a week
Fairly peaceful
and...boring as hell
Until the dreams start
Jack has just started his third year at Samwell university
he’s still broken
still anxious
still the “golden boy” --even if he doesn’t feel like hes polished and shining
but he’s making do
and making friends
just a year or two left until
until what?
graduation? getting signed? 
wasting away? 
Jack doesn’t know. But he’s resigned to focus on hockey and let the rest of the world pass him by
Until the dreams start
Jack wakes up and it’s too hot
He shifts to get out of bed and finds that the covers he is tearing away from his body
are not his
or Shitty’s
or any of his roommates’
also. uh
those skinny legs and short shorts are not his
his hands look different too
and his face feels different
and the voice that calls to him from downstairs is not one he knows
huh
well
weird dream
hope it’s over soon
Bitty goes downstairs to eat the next day
His parents are both fairly silent
“I see you got over whatever mood you were in yesterday, young man”
“mood?”
“it doesn’t matter.”
That’s all he gets out of them
When he drives to the produce stand his cousins run up to him smiling
“I see that you actually remembered how to drive that thing”
“What?” says Bitty
“yesterday you were all over the place. almost knocked over the stand. if you were anyone else I’d think you were drunk”
“Aunt Judy figures you might have been possessed” the other cousin says
“With a fit of stupidity”
“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about” Bitty says
“It doesn’t matter. Just don’t ‘get lost’ or forget ‘how to drive stick’ again, Dicky” she says using finger quotes
Later in the day, Suzanne asks Bitty if he’s really feeling ok. 
She was really worried about yesterday’s behavior
Bitty replies that , despite evidence on the contrary, he feels normal
They finish up some jars of jam and Bitty returns to his room for the night
There is where he finds it
Tucked under his pillow there is a note in scratchy handwriting
“Who are you?”
Bitty wakes up cold, in a bed that is too big for him
an alarm he doesn’t remember setting, or ever having, is blaring next to him
he looks to see the time
4:30 am
oh. 
hell no
bitty gets up to unplug the dream alarm clock, and returns to sleep
Bitty wakes up 6 hours later with another man coming into bed with him
This man is naked
and moustached
one of those dreams? huh
never would he dream about this kind of guy though
because this guy doesn’t crawl into bed, like he thought
he wraps bitty in a burrito made out of comforters and yanks him onto the floor
“I know you needed to a break, but let the coaches know before you sleep through morning practice like that”
“practice?”
“yeah. and you’re lucky that I’m waking you up in time to go to your 11am.” 
“but it’s summer”
naked moustache man just looks at him and rolls his eyes
“we’ll grab lunch after class”
“Wait!”
“What”
“...where is my class?”
Jack wakes up the next day 
and is dragged to the doctor to test for a possible concussion
“the things you were saying and doing yesterday were crazy”
“you skipped morning practice”
“After class you threw down your notes and said you’d never major in History”
“You baked seven as an apology for skipping morning practice”
“And then you dropped into fetal position in afternoon practice when Ollie was about to check you”
“And you took, i don’t know, 7000 selfies of yourself and called yourself handsome”
“have you ever taken a selfie before in your life?”
jack just shakes his head
“yeah. like i said you’re getting checked for a concussion”
Did I hit my head? , Jack asks
“no. but it can’t be” Shitty pauses “It wouldn’t be your other thing would it?”
I don’t think so he says. 
Jack has never really had memory problems. and his anxiety and panic never particularly affected him in the way described
faintly, he recalls a young boy at one of his games right before the draft, voice broken as he says “Jack, don’t you remember me?”
it leaves his mind as quickly as it entered
because he had bigger problems to figure out
namely how he had new entries on the journal on his phone
it was a summary of all of the things that “Jack” did the previous day
“Thanks for a long day of being a Big Shot on campus, handsome!”
signed Eric
Eric?? 
Who the hell is Eric? 
it happens again 
Jack spends a day as bitty
and Bitty spends a day as Jack
and they wake up not remembering too much about what happens
the only thing that cements that it’s not just a weird dream is that
well...real life consequences
Jack becomes a lot more...spinny and less up for contact when he plays hockey
and ends up enjoying time with his teammates a lot more
and has a huge country dialect now
and one time someone came up to him speaking french and jack had no idea what was going on???
and he smiles sometimes??? 
and at the end of the day he’s almost always on his phone typing away
Bitty is able to kick ass into gear with hockey
but can’t bake worth shit
honestly, suzanne hasn’t seen anything of that quality since bitty was seven
AND he had to check a recipe
also, he’s started to bike to work
driving stick is impossible
he’s very serious on some days
he spends his evenings watching history documentaries and writing in a journal
Well. It seems like this is just gonna be life for a while, they both figure
best set up some rules
Bitty, as Jack, is NOT ALLOWED TO DITCH CLASSES
no use of the word y’all
no beyonce
no short shorts
don’t drop like a brick when someone comes to check you
seriously Eric it’s fine 
Eric it’s my body that would get hurt don’t worry
also please don’t drink or use drugs in my body
it’s a long story but again
it’s my body
Jack-as-Bitty is asked to be polite to his friends and customers
and please never bake anything ever
don’t leave the house dressed like some weird clothing outlet exploded
if you yell at my teammates i swear to god, mr. zimmermann. 
don’t disrespect senor bun
or anyone
stop frowning so much, even Coach has asked me about it and i don’t know what to say
don’t watch stuff on my netflix account. your history documentaries are messing up my recommendations
Despite the rules
They find ways to keep bothering each other
But also trying to make each other better
As captains of each others teams, both teams are able to benefit from their guidance
Bitty’s team gets a lot stronger technically
but kind of hate how much of a hardass Bitty is 3 times a week
The SMH is more in synch with each other than ever
and Bitty is able to help out a lot more
But Jack ends up having to put a lot of money in the sin bin for 
‘acting off’
Jack is very upset to find a picture of himself in the swallow, sitting on the roof of the Haus shirtless and wearing short shorts chilling
like
what the fuck Eric 
But they get a little routine down, and nothing changes except for minor nuisances
so whatever 
It all works good until one day, while Jack and Suzanne are bonding over making jam, Suzanne looks Jack right in the eyes and says 
“oh...you’re not my dicky. you’re dreaming aren’t you?”
Jack snaps awake in his bed
not Eric’s bed. His bed
Huh. weird. 
He goes to check his phone and of course, there is a long journal entry left over from the day he didn’t get
It’s all mostly ok until he gets to the end
“It looks like your first big hockey game is tomorrow night! Be sure to have fun. Enjoy it!”
“There’s a comet tonight for me. I’ll take lots of pictures so that you can see it next time we ...do whatever we do”
 Jack and the SMH win the game. and he actually tries to have fun. but the only person he wants to celebrate with is
well
he’s in georgia
bUT
Jack has a phone
He dials bitty’s cellphone number that has been saved in his contact
his heart is beating quite fast. 
and then he hears 
“We’re sorry. The number you have dialed is no longer in service”
 Jack stops switching after that
He should be relieved. overjoyed
but he’s not
he doesn’t miss the humidity
or the dirt roads
or the bugs
but he does miss something
and he’s forgetting all about it
so he tries searching online for the town
the town he can’t remember the name of
he doesn’t want to forget, so he starts drawing sketches of what he remembers
they’re not bad
pretty darn good, even
Not as good as Lardo’s, but she’s still abroad
He tries to call Eric’s number a couple more times. He gets the same results
 Jack can’t take it anymore
During the winter break, Jack flies down to Georgia for a weekend, rents a car, and drives himself in the general area he remembers the town
he stops locals and shows them sketches
“is there any town nearby that looks like this?”
they all respond in the negative
he does this for hours
the sun is starting to set when he resigns to give up
he pulls into a diner in the town he’s in, orders, and looks at his sketches again
maybe it’s possible that the town isn’t...even real?
it really could have just been his dreams
that is what he thinks when the server returns with some water
“Hey. that’s a pretty good picture of Godfrey”
 “Godfrey?”
“Yeah. I grew up there.” he says looking a bit sad
“Can you tell me how to get there?” 
The server pauses and gives Jack a mourned, but puzzled look “ it was about a 15 minute drive from here but-” 
“it was?”
“you didn’t hear about what happened?”
Jack shakes his head. 
“If you don’t mind,I’ll take you to it after you finish your dinner”
It’s all gone. 
Oh God. 
Everything from the small ice cream shop to the old creek where Bitty’s cousins would hang around
It’s all rubble
and mounds of dirt
Literal miles
Jack can’t breathe
he can’t
breathe
just breathe
just
breat--
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